Like, now he knows me. He just keeps up a long cycle.
Gary, come on. Shaggy.
Come on, Shaggy. See?
I think everyone should have a pet goat.
You know? Even the name goat is fucking cool, right?
Because it means greatest of all time.
So in my opinion, if you haven't got a go, go out and get one today.
Come on, chap.
Ooh, you're making me live.
Whatever this world can give to me, It's you, you're all I see.
Ooh, you're making me live now, honey.
Ooh, you're making me live.
Oh, you're the best friend that I ever had.
I've been with you such a long time.
This is where we do workouts, Cora.
Get that fucking thing out of my face.
No, no, he wants to see how we work out.
He doesn't want to see anything.
If he's going to live here, Tristan, we have to show him how we live.
Sorry to interrupt your workout.
Look, can you just...
What is this? What is this?
This is called a weight bar.
So we go up and down.
Alright? Can you stop eating the rope?
Concentrate for a minute. Get that fucking goat out of my gym, or I'll fucking kill it.
I'll kill and eat your pet for you.
I don't give a shit. Get it out of my gym.
Listen, he doesn't mean it, Shaq.
I fucking do. Come on, Shaq, he doesn't mean it.
See what I mean, baby? Live and let live.
I'd never threaten to kill Trisky's pet.
Come on, Shaq, let's go.
What the fuck is wrong with that boy?
He's 35 years of age.
What is wrong with him?
I think he's gonna grow on you.
I'm gonna kill this fucking girl Turn around in the empty city, turn around in the empty
city, turn around in the empty city, he makes me turn around in the empty city, turn around in the empty city,
turn around in the empty city, he makes me turn around.
I'm gonna kill this fucking girl.
Oh, he's dead.
Yeah, he's dead.
Tristan, what have you done?
T. Training.
T, there's a goat roasting outside.
Is that Rory's goat, T? Did you see any other goats in the house?
It's the only goat I've seen.
I told him. Goat's shit on my floor.
He put it in my fucking cars.
Slumbered over my ass in seats.
Fuck Rory. Fuck Rory's goat.
Tristan's gonna be devastated.
I don't give a shit. Can't keep a goat here.
Go to one reason and one reason only.
Today Shaggy's going to fulfill his destiny.
We're going to eat him. I'm going to eat him, yeah.
I told him I'd eat his fucking goat.
You did tell him.
You warned them.
I made good on my promises and my threats.
Hello Roy.
Hey DJ.
How are you today?
Are you fucking kidding me? Fuck, no way.
Rory. Has he cooked my fucking goat?
Rory. Has he cooked fucking Shaggy, bro?
I'm sorry, Rory. Hey, is that goat?
It's goat? This, this is a goat?
Yes. Oh my fucking goat.
Is this Tristan's idea? Fuck!
Rory, I'm sorry. Bro!
Rory! Did you know about this?
No comment. Where is he?
A few moments later...
Rory called the cops on Tristan for being a meanie.
Yeah, that's right. Because Tristan killed his goat.
Tristan is a meanie. Yeah.
If I go back to jail, could you call the cops?
Well, I mean... Told them everything you've done, mate.
You know? Cold-blooded murder.
Very selfish. We had a whole game of UNO set up for tonight.
You're boohooing because Tristan killed a goat that we can all eat.
Exactly. Well, it's just the way it goes, mate.
Seven years for killing the goat.
Nice. Now they're here.
There's a laundry going on. Shit.
Hope Greta Thunberg shows up.
Shit. Tristan, I'm sorry. Roy, it's all your fault.
Shit. Sorry. We're not mafia though!
We just basically look like them.
We look exactly like a crime man.
Yeah. And people are like, it must be.
They're big and strong and they have all these hot women, all these fast cars, all these armed guards.
Ratchet's really nice. You wish you'd been to jail.
No, I don't wish I wasn't going to jail.
I wish I was going to jail. You think I want to hang out with fucking Rory and have whiskeys?
No way. He's coming in now.
Take me to jail. We go to jail.
We can eat the pig. There we go.
Speak for yourself, I'm having to go.
Nice. That would be a useless sacrifice of a good goat.
You know, I'd be way better for my liver if Tristan goes to jail.
Yeah, because if not, it's St.
Patrick's Day, bro. And he's already talking about getting the whiskeys out, right?
I've been avoiding this. I can't believe he's fucking Irish.
His granddad's Irish.
That's enough. He's not even Irish.
Good. Right. That's how I'm gonna do it.
So then you're next to just control the thing.
I want to make this window.
But where?
I want to make this window.
So now let's see if fucking Rory can go.
No.
No do. That sucks.
No do.
Rory, don't be like that.
Come on, let's eat, bro.
Yeah, exactly.
Come and eat with us. You eat goat all the time.
You don't actually care. I buy dinner basically every single time.
So you bought dinner for once.
We're all thankful. Thank you, Rory.
Thank you, Rory. We were just beginning to get close.
Don't feel bad.
You're lucky my mum didn't curry bear you.
You're super lucky Nigel's mum was here.
Yeah. Honestly though, Rory, this is one of the best dinners you've ever bought.
I feel like he'll be part of you forever if you do.
Come on, Rory. Fine, I'll eat some of Shaggy in his honor.
Pass me a rib. I did tell you, when you showed me that goat, I said, what's G gonna do when you used to use the goat?
You said G was ripping the fuck.
Well, G's about to eat him, because whatever's left of Shaggy isn't going to G. Because G's a real pet, not some fucking stupid goat you managed to pick up from fuck knows where down the road, shitting all over my fucking house.
Come on, there's no need to be like that.
There is. Fuck your goat.
Fuck your goat.
He's slobbered over my Aston Martin seats.
Why was there a goat slobber in my Aston Martin?
Oh, I was showing him the cars. You haven't seen that.
You didn't see that yet. I was showing him the cars.
I was showing him around. I was trying to teach him tricks.
I was trying to toilet train him, but you didn't give me enough fucking time and now look at him.
This is what he's good for. He would have wanted it this way.
I don't think he would, Tristan.
I don't think he would. Just try some.
Just try some. Alright, fine.
Let me try some shaggy.
What should I have?
Is that a rib? Bro, take a bite.
Worth every penny, worry. He does taste good.
Alright Shaggy, I'm gonna eat you in your honour.
Good. Rory's sadness really complements this fine food.
You can taste his misery.
My misery tastes good, does it?
It tastes absolutely awesome. Yeah, you bunch of fuckers.
You know what? He does taste fucking good though, I'll be honest.
Why did you bring a goat into this house and think I wasn't going to eat it?
Because I just felt like we needed a new pet and I was spicing things up a bit, you know?
Take the edge off, mix things up.
What are you bringing next?
Lamb, pig, rabbit, overeating.
I actually did have a plan, but now I'm starting to think twice.
Horse? Camel.
Oh, you think I've never eaten a camel before?
You'll eat my camel? I will eat your camel.
A million percent. I'm at a lose-lose here.
There's no point in me bringing any more pets into the house, is there?
Well, I don't mind.
It says on the food bill.
But you hired one of the best chefs as well.
I've noticed that. Well, I mean, don't I hire the best chefs every day?
You think this is in tribute to your stupid fucking pet?
Because it isn't. I don't give a shit about Shaggy.
But I order the best chefs to cook my food every single day because I'm fucking rich, Rory.
Yeah, well, I just felt like he was a waste of money in the end because...
Look what's fucking happened to him.
And I was literally just starting to teach him things.
He was starting to learn. You can buy dinner for once.
It's fair. You've never bought dinner since you came here.
So finally you provided the meal.
We appreciate it, Rory. Are you thankful, guys?
Is everyone thankful? No.
Goats are demonic. Delicious and demonic.
Nice. Okay.
Yeah, good suck. Good suck.
I'm saying I would have eaten something better, so you kind of spoiled dinner tonight for us.
We've settled for this, because it's what you bought.
You did the grocery shopping.
Alright, fair enough. I can own that.
I can own that. So, I got you all a shit dinner, is that what you're saying?
Basically, yeah. I'd be eating better somewhere else if you didn't bring this stupid meat into the house.
Well, I mean, he's here now, so let's eat him and get rid of him and Jake and eat what's left.
Is that more shaggy?
He was a big goat, bro.
Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of meat, right?
It was a huge goat.
Yeah. There's a lot of food.
It was also a huge part of my life.
You didn't account for that, did you, Tristan?
You know, I'm not even that hungry, so...
Not even that hungry.
I organize the butcher, the slaughter, the chefs, everything.
I'm honestly not even hungry.
A few moments later...
It's all for you. Bailey.
I mean, you can't not have a Guinness at St.
Patrick's today, right? St. Patrick's today.
Where's that fuck Patrista? You killed my goat.
And now I need Guinness revenge.
We are celebrating with Guinness.
Let's go have some beer, Alex.
Let's go! Let's go!
I love beer!
Thank you, Guinnesses baby. I think that's a good start.
Good warm up. Good first round.
Me and Trist will do 50 each, so, you know, I think we could start slow.
Well, Alex did tell you you need a beer.
I'm so confused.
Smooth.
Nicely done.
Alex, you need a beer.
Let's do it. The sign does say, my doctor says I need a beer.
Oh, sorry. You're getting 20?
Yeah. What's for you?
St. Patrick's sandwich. Oh, okay.
Cool. Let's do this again.
Drinking it already, T. Sorry.
Justin, are you in? Someone pass me a beer, please.
Don't leave me hanging. Happy St.
Patrick's Day, gentlemen. Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Cheers. Cheers. Oh, we're pounding it.
Are we playing this game?
I'm not playing this game.
I know this game. First night I'm here.
Every time I'm here. Don't laugh.
I know what you're laughing at. Just one.
He laughs because he gets no beef.
Nobody calls him gay.
I quit. Call me gay.
I've quit. For religious reasons, Andrew doesn't drink.
So he just finishes one. But we drink religiously.
No. You're delusional.
That's not how this works, Nigel.
You know better. That's not how this works.
You pound this beer and 30 seconds later there'll be another beer.
They're already loading the beers!
I'm not going to do next one.
Not like that. No, no, but you could do this one like that.
I'll do this one. Look at them.
Have some respect for your Irish ancestors.
According to the BBC, people who look like you were the founding fathers of Iron Man. So...
What?
That's not allowed, sir.
Here's fucking go.
Nice! Listen, as a ginger, even though you're not Irish, you should embrace your ginger heritage.
How do you know? I'm not Irish.
Bro, to be fair, you probably are.
At some point you probably love, bro.
With the red hair? I'm pretty sure if I went to 23andMe, it would just say, white trash.
Trailer Park. Trailer Park.
Are we doing this for real?
Every time. First night.
Now it's civilized. This might be the most casual thing we've done.
No, no, no. Now it's civilized.
This is a fake out, watch this.
No, it's acting up, we're acting.
Meanwhile...
I'm not neck and tennis with you guys.
Hold on, the real Irishman needs to sit down.
But look, there's good iron levels in this shit.
Load up. Yeah, that's the proof.
What are you gonna do?
Might have a sparkling water.
Maybe a coffee, if I'm feeling adventurous.
But not an Irish coffee, just a normal one.
I'm so disappointed behind this camera.
I'm not doing this shit.
What do you mean? I refuse.
No, every time I come here, the first night, I get so shithoused that I don't come out for the whole next day.
It's all LL Cool J's fault.
We'll keep it civilized. Well, if you want to be gay tomorrow and sleep, that's not my fault.
Let's ask the Irishman. Bro, look at that.
I'm done, I'm done.
Keep them coming! I'll tell you exactly what's about to happen.
I'm going to say, hey Tristan, I don't think it's a good idea that I get turbo shitfaced because I'm only here for a couple of days and came to see you and he's going to say, okay.
And at first, he's just going to call me a pussy.
But then, he's going to be like, you know what?
I thought I had a friend.
He's going to tug at my fucking heartstrings and then I'm going to threaten to go sit by Andrew.
Andrew's going to laugh the whole fucking time.
But with Andrew... I am actually not a pussy, so I'm going to drink, not because he's pulling my heart strings, but because he called me a pussy.
What's that? No, no, no. To be fair, I actually can see.
You made it very clear. You've got a podcast in the morning tomorrow, yeah?
Yeah. And business is business, and I don't come between a man and his business ever.
I still didn't realize this was a business trip.
I thought you were coming to see your friends. I told you.
Oh, so it's the business trip.
That's cool, bro. Just sleep in my house and shit and conduct your business.
Cool. I thought, you know, I thought my friend Justin was coming to see me.
Turns out Rory's business partners in town, everyone.
We can't drink! Watch out!
Rory's business partners in town!
Bailey, Bailey, let me explain something to you.
This is how this generally goes.
Yee-haw! There he is!
There he is! There's the Justin I know a lot of!
Works every time!
Works every time! It actually does.
It's complete horseshit. I should have never shown up.
Should have never came. Then Andrew just sits there and laughs the whole fucking time.
You can't argue with these motherfuckers.
They've been in court for a year. Let's go out of jail four days ago.
Justin, I got out of jail for you so you could come see me.
Right, right. That would have been next.
Oh, it's all coming.
One of my favorite things to do is get downed.
Let's say I got the first eight and it's a bad day.
I got one of Tristan's.
I love this.
I got that TT.
Magic.
You know what I mean?
That's number four.
And he put it down in your face.
And he put it down in your face.
I'd like to say I'm above this.
What are we doing bro?
Oh no!
Oh no!
This guy don't worry. Not a lot.
Not a lot. You say it's his and my mate.
What are you saying? Number three?
It'll be fair enough that you can't participate.
Yeah, number three. I'm trying to wait for you guys and have a nice civilized time.
Before we push the pace, then I'll follow and I'll drag you guys forward.
One of the strong stuff.
Cappuccino. Like having a coffee with my friends.
Might wash it down with some sparkling water.
Two years, not a drop.
Not a drop. Can't be tempted.
Don't want it. I know you miss it.
Not at all. I'm on a different spiritual plane.
Tapped into a higher reality.
I find my happiness and peace.
My whole life is chaos. When your life is boring, you want chaos.
But when your life is chaos, you want peace.
There's no more beautiful feeling than boredom.
For me to wake up and go, I'm bored and I have nothing to do.
That's amazing. I don't want to fill it with madness.
The police have already arrested me.
Bitches are crying. Kid here, kid there.
Bills to pay. Ferraris, Lamborghinis.
Nope. Coffee.
Nice boring night.
Cheers! Can't wait to watch Netflix and go to bed.
It's going to be great. Who's your mate?
Who? Your mate? It's your mate.
No, it's your mate. It's your mate.
That sounds great, Andrew.
I'll drink with Tristan. I have no idea what to talk about.
I'm telling you what's going to happen now.
You're going to finish these pints. Another round of pints are going to come.
Then they're going to say, whiskey's Irish.
And they're going to start doing Irish whiskey.
Become intolerable and annoying. I'm going to drive off at my Aston Martin.
They're going to sit here thinking they're geniuses.
It's 9.30. By 10.45 we're all going to be hammered drunk.
They're going to come home around 11 and start screaming and singing songs and knocking on my door.
I'll end up going to a hotel to sleep and leave them.
And tomorrow morning... They're not going to be half as enthusiastic as they are right now.
When Irishmen are proud and glad of the land where they were born
Oh son, I see that men read too, upon this day When I was just a lad like you, I joined the IRA
Up the rock, get up the rock, get up the rock, get up the rock
We're on the road again, to the place we all belong Try to read on the wall, the pure, you know, and soulful
signs On the hill, on the beach, on the phone
The boys of the old brigade I'm quite a little bit late, I'm half a step ahead
But I hope you take your first breath, something that you never made
Once you're in the city, you'll believe it I'm quite a little bit late, I'm half a step ahead
But I hope you take your first breath, something that you never made
Once you're in the city, you'll believe it tip at the box yeah
Thank you. You know what?
All I got. All I got.
Thank you. Thank you. Happy San Francisco Day.
Thank you.
No! The fucking ball!
You're wasting time.
You have 19-year-olds making millions while you're busy playing video games.
Traditional education is too slow.
You need to take life seriously now.
Right now, I'm currently 2K to 2.5 to 3K a week.
I mean, I'm only 19 years old.
I show my parents, like, oh, this is how much I'm making.
Like, I don't really need to go to college.
They saw the paycheck and whatever he's doing is working.
I'm 13 years old and I've made approximately $10,000.
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I've done just over like 160k revenue now, six months later.
By the time you're done with it, you can be out in the ocean selling fish water.