| Time | Text |
|---|---|
|
Tristan's Triumph
00:10:44
|
|
| And that looks like a big cigar. | |
| Thank you. | |
| Yes, I do have one. | |
| I'll take it. Thank you very much. I'll take it to smoke now. | |
| Appreciate it. You have to smoke this right now. | |
| All right, T, you win. I can win when I'm beat. | |
| I said give me the biggest cigar in the place. | |
| I thought I had the fattest cigar. Tristan came along. | |
| Yeah, very much. T, you got me beat. | |
| What can I say? Hands down, Tristan wins. | |
| What do you mean? This is not the normal day for me. | |
| Are you going to smoke it now? | |
| Of course I am. Want a little smoke? | |
| Yeah, let's have a nice little cigar. | |
| You don't compensate for anything, do you? | |
| He wins, bro. | |
| I'm man enough to admit when I lose. | |
| I'll fight a fight. People should know when they're conquered. | |
| Need some lungs on you to do that, mate. | |
| A lot of practice. Smooth. | |
| Now we're smoking. That was good. | |
| How long do you think it would take you to smoke that? | |
| I'll actually be done in about 15 minutes. | |
| If I rock up in a $400,000 cart, he's like, gee... | |
| He was like, no, bro. | |
| The point he made was kind of poignant. | |
| He said... So you admit defeat? | |
| No human capacity is not this right. | |
| It's not made for humans. So you admit your human. | |
| You are the consumption champion. | |
| Don't tell us that you're conquered by this cigar. | |
| It's just a tobacco leaf. That's all it is. | |
| It's a lot of tobacco leaves. | |
| Just one more puff. It is just leaves. | |
| It is just leaves. You're scared of leaves. | |
| Ha! Got him! | |
| I know, he's going to have to smoke another thing. | |
| He's scared of leaves. | |
| I've finally been defeated by cigar. | |
| It's not by a cigar, it's by leaves. | |
| You've been defeated by leaves, you've got to say that. | |
| I've been defeated by leaves. | |
| This is unsmokeable. | |
| Let it be known. That this cigar is too much for me to smoke. | |
| You're still the champ. I'm not going to take it from you. | |
| I'm not going to be in front of you. You're still the champ. | |
| I don't know. You're beeping. You've got to finish yours though. | |
| I probably will finish it, but even this is a struggle, bro. | |
| Does that help? Yeah. You've done it good, though. | |
| You did good. Excuse me. | |
| Can I have a double Johnny Walker blue label, please? | |
| Nice. Thank you very much. | |
| Back in the game. I've officially rewired my brain. | |
| Remember when I was going to give up, right? | |
| I vow never to give up until this cigar is done. | |
| I will never stop. | |
| Alright, guys. | |
| It's getting late. It's time to go home. | |
| It's time to call it all day. Finish your drink. | |
| It's time to go home. Yeah? | |
| I thought I'd finish my drink. Yeah, finish your drink. | |
| It's time to go home. We're done. | |
| It's time to go home. We'll just finish our drinks. | |
| I'll take this home. Finish it then. | |
| But you've done enough. | |
| Enough what? No, no, no. | |
| This is a good cigar, so I'm gonna smoke it at home. | |
| Finish your drink, and it's time to go home. | |
| Oh no, I just wanted a gin and tonic. | |
| Sorry, I need a few more minutes. Please. | |
| Thank you very much. | |
| And I thought you're not impressed. | |
| Not yet. | |
| Not yet? | |
| No. | |
| Mmm. | |
| No. | |
| Woohoohoo! | |
| All I need is a G&T. | |
| Thank you. Have fun. Enjoy. | |
| I will- I'm- I won't. | |
| But, it's okay. | |
| Please do. | |
| I'll try my best. See you later. | |
| See you later. | |
| The game continues. | |
| Okay. | |
| You filming me for no reason while I have a nice smoke, yeah. | |
| Nice game. | |
| Nice relaxing smoke. | |
| Bye. | |
| Thank you. | |
| Home sir, right? | |
| Yes, home. Thank you. You're still going strong. | |
| With what? It's almost gone. | |
| Fuck. Your will to live. | |
| Heh heh heh. | |
| The fucking hero. | |
| You really just flipped that whole thing. | |
| What do you mean? You might be the greatest man who ever lived. | |
| Well, I've often smoked at least four cigars a night, but one cigar in the evening. | |
| You might be the greatest man who's ever lived. | |
| I know what you're talking about. I'm trying to give you credit. | |
| That is actually epically impressive. | |
| I thought I'd get the biggest cigar there. | |
| I didn't finish it. If you finish that cigar, Tristan, I'll admit, once and for all. | |
| Bro! Gin and tonic, please! | |
| Booze is not powered. You did say you couldn't do it before you started drinking loads of booze. | |
| My light is busted. It's burning underneath me. | |
| Why don't you feel super sick? | |
| Why do you sound like Luke? | |
| You're right. I'm sorry. Tristan, I'm just giving him credit. | |
| Tristan, you're here. I don't know what else to say. | |
| No, no, I am sick. Sick of you. | |
| Sick of the naysayers. | |
| Sick of the people in life who try to hold you back. | |
| Try to push you down. Tell you that you can't do basic things like smoke one cigar. | |
| You got skill issues. Talk to me. | |
| Nice shisha, mate. | |
| Tristan's the champ. | |
| Tristan's the champ! | |
| It's a champ! | |
| I'm going back. | |
| Who's the champ? | |
| 🎵 | |
| Smoke it out, P! | |
| 🎵 | |
| Andrew. | |
| you want to see my new move? Who told you that? | |
| Oh, shit! Now we're smoking. | |
| Now we're smoking. | |
| I think I've ever smoked before. | |
| The machine is the same as me. | |
| It's got my security hat. | |
| The machine can't control me. | |
| The machine is the same as me. | |
| The machine can't control me. | |
| The machine can't control me. | |
| The Machine Controls You Why do I have a drink? I don't know. | |
| Why does he have a drink? | |
| Why do you have a drink? | |
| No, all jokes aside, someone's got to study why this happens. | |
| Someone's got to study why this happens. | |
| There needs to be some sort of study on why your body can do this. | |
| It's not normal. Bro, it's actually not normal, bro. | |
| So, Andy, you're a cigar smoker. | |
| Let me tell you what the most fucked up thing about this is. | |
| The head spins real. Hear me out. | |
| Mama Sarah. You know what it is, bro? | |
| What? Tongue. | |
| Tongue down. Fry. | |
| I won't taste shit for weeks. | |
| Yeah, I threw it. Can you play Push It to the Limit, please? | |
| We're on that vibe. When does the cigar finish? | |
| It's done when I say it's done. | |
| Tristan you need to just rip it to this beat right here It's not a good loud. I don't know what he's gonna say It's time now. The cigar is getting empty. | |
| The cigar is now done. | |
| Andrew's gonna have to concede total and utter defeat in every realm of human endeavor right now. | |
| I'm about to put it out. Listen, I'm a fair man. | |
| I grew up in a warrior culture. | |
| And as a warrior, you have to accept sometimes when you get beat. | |
| I'm not gonna make any excuses. | |
| It was a fair one-on-one. | |
| Tristan stepped up to the plate, put it all on the line like a hero. | |
| And he won. He beat me. | |
| Tristan is the champion. | |
| He counteracted the spinning of the cigar with loads of booze and somehow beat me. | |
| He made it messy. He made it a dogfight. | |
| Took me into the forest. Where I was confused. | |
| Surrounded by enemies. | |
| I used my Aikido to the best of my ability, but somehow he was everywhere. | |
| Left, right, forward, backwards, and he destroyed me. | |
| Tristan is the champion of the day. | |
| I should have known. I thought there was no bigger cigar there. | |
| I thought I could just push through and finish this cigar. | |
| He'll finish the same one, and then ha ha ha, it's all even. | |
| But somehow, he pulled out the bag, and I am defeated. | |
| I don't know. We actually really know. | |
| What you're talking about It's victory lap | |
|
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00:01:33
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