| Time | Text |
|---|---|
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Four Double Espressos
00:10:49
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|
| Outro music. | |
| You can have a still water as well. | |
| Thank you very much. Skristen, do you really need four double espressos? | |
| It's the only way to wake up in the evening. | |
| When you're tired of life, and you don't sleep, what you do is you get them and then you add ice so you can drink them fast. | |
| So it's like a caffeine injection that hits you in one big hit. | |
| You're going to overdose on caffeine. | |
| That's the same Don't believe that you're actually going to go for these | |
| You don't know just he's beginning to believe Yeah, I think so. | |
| He might just do it. | |
| Ambulance please. | |
| And a double espresso. | |
| I'm not part of that. | |
| He's fully caffeinated now. | |
| Come to time, the man's life has got to make important decisions. | |
| I actually want to convert him to coffee and caffeinated life. | |
| This is not going to do that. | |
| This is not. This is going to overload it and just ruin it. | |
| You need to have like one coffee in the morning, one in the afternoon, and then start feeling like life's better. | |
| He's not. He's feeling sick. | |
| What part of jumping the deep end? | |
| Don't you understand? Isn't that your whole philosophy towards everything? | |
| Hopefully he drowns. | |
| Yes. Exactly. | |
| Marcel drinks hot chocolate instead of coffee. | |
| Have they got hot chocolate? Hot chocolate. | |
| No. Hot chocolate! | |
| No, no, no, no, no! Marcel! | |
| Marcel is an active member of the LGBT community. | |
| What is he doing right now? | |
| So we're gonna convert him back. | |
| Give it a little bit of a mix, and he just neck them all back. | |
| And then you feel fantastic. | |
| Besides the cold sweats. | |
| This is uncharted. | |
| Have you never drunk coffee before? | |
| Not like this. I don't think I've ever had a double espresso. | |
| Definitely not. I'm not in Candyland anymore, hot chocolate boy. | |
| That is disgusting. | |
| Why do you do this? | |
| I think I'm advocating for him to take a break between each one. | |
| Trish is unhappy at last. | |
| Andrew the Merciful. | |
| Oh gosh. | |
| Slumpy. Four more double espressos, please. | |
| Four more? Yeah. Four more. | |
| Phil left out. Nigel? | |
| I've already had two. I've had two as well. | |
| One here, one out there. So you're gonna do four straight half of the two that you already had? | |
| If the camera didn't see it, they didn't happen. | |
| That's what's hard to get down. That's what she said! | |
| What happens now? | |
| Two every bits, please. | |
| And the top of this for us, sir. | |
| So Tristan's done it. | |
| Marcel's done it. I want to see some fantastical dreams of what they would do if they were millionaires. | |
| This is what you do when you're a millionaire. | |
| Well, the millionaire would do this and this. | |
| No, you sit around, you drink coffee competitions. | |
| Are you actually going to have four? | |
| Yeah. Are you doing it as well, Nige? | |
| Yeah, I can't take that. Eight, please. | |
| Twelve. Shit. | |
| Twelve double espresso. What have you done? | |
| I've already had. | |
| I don't even know how many coffees I did. | |
| I merely bought the sword, baby. | |
| Nothing more. Twelve seconds later. | |
| I'm going to sleep early. I'm sorry. | |
| The espresso and the caffeine gives you nothing to eat. | |
| My money's strong. It's really concentrate on sleeping. | |
| My Johnson's long. Brave not sorry. | |
| Well, it does get hard, doesn't it? | |
| That's what she said! What am I doing? | |
| I'm almost 37. What am I doing? | |
| It's like I'm 10. Can you drink coffee? | |
| I can drink coffee. 10 coffees behind us. | |
| I've been drinking coffee all day. | |
| That's the thing. This isn't our first coffee. | |
| We've been sitting in the sun drinking coffee all day. | |
| Yeah, true. Ice coffee, normal coffee. | |
| Yeah, we have. I had coffee when I woke up. | |
| Bro, I've had at least 10 coffees in my coffee number 11, 12, 13 and 14. | |
| I've had at least 4 coffees now. | |
| I think it's my master of the Shotokan style. | |
| That's true. Break his sternum. | |
| I'm going for my fourth dan. | |
| Coffee drinking. No, four double espressos. | |
| Are you sure you don't want four double espressos? | |
| No, not today. | |
| Nope, I already did mine. We've each had four double espressos. | |
| My man! You're the only one left, Bailey. | |
| Easy. So I have to do this. | |
| I have to do it. | |
| Yes. Bailey, I don't want to threaten you. | |
| I don't think you can take all four of us. | |
| Caffeinated. Four angry caffeinated men. | |
| Four more, please! If you don't drink four double espressos, you will never see your family again. | |
| I promise you. Ever. What if I order five? | |
| That's why. Five double espressos, please! | |
| You dance with the devil, baby. | |
| You wait for the music to stop. | |
| You didn't do it in the car. | |
| So I told Tristan, it's 8 o'clock at night. | |
| I'm not going to have any coffee because if I have coffee now, I'm not going to be able to sleep. | |
| And he scolded me for being weak. | |
| And so, here we are with five double espressos. | |
| I'll be honest, I'm not looking forward to this at all. | |
| But they all did four, so I had to one-up one and do five. | |
| Here goes the thing. You think this is a bad man? | |
| Cheers. This is a bad man. | |
| No, because Bailey thinks this ends today. | |
| He thinks he can beat us now with one extra coffee, and it's fine. | |
| He doesn't realize that 24 hours a day, every day, for the rest of his life, it's an espresso one-upmanship contest. | |
| It's starting more than ever ends. | |
| You all know the salt passing game, man. | |
| That's 23 years old. | |
| Every time you sit down anywhere that sells coffee. | |
| Pinky's up. | |
| I feel powerful. | |
| You know what? I was really tired before I came out tonight. | |
| I'm back in the game. | |
| Let's go! Cheers, baby. | |
| It's double espresso. | |
| I'm feeling a little bit tired. Tristan, why? | |
| Why? I will never be one-upped by an American at consuming stuff. | |
| Coffee, alcohol. I'm a European. | |
| Cigarettes will never be. | |
| Tristan, this is not okay. | |
| I told you one alcoholic drink, it will bring the buzz down. | |
| But let's show everybody what you've got. | |
| Espresso martini. | |
| Exactly. Keep the buzz up. | |
| We're bringing the buzz down. | |
| I'm going to die. | |
| Hey, you agreed to drink an alcoholic cocktail with me. | |
| No, I didn't. Yes, you did. | |
| Alright, cheers. Welcome to school. | |
| You have one there? Do you feel it, Marcel? | |
| Yes, you do. Admit you feel it. | |
| Admit it hurts. Can you admit it, Marcel? | |
| Marcel. Oh my god. | |
| Why? Why is he doing this? | |
| The coffee shenanigans were over hours ago. | |
| No, I'm trying to bring myself down from the caffeine high. | |
| So this is coffee with rum. | |
| This is not okay! | |
| How many coffees are we up to today? | |
| You're literally at like 20. | |
| It's 10 o'clock at night. | |
| He's trying to do laser vision. | |
| He's upset. He's upset because my laser vision hurts. | |
| He's feeling it. The lasers are starting to heat up. | |
| Just admit it, Marcel. Admit my laser vision hurts. | |
| We ain't had enough coffees in a blaze with you. | |
| You have. | |
| In no world is that actually pleasant. | |
| It is. There's no way. | |
| Nice bit of rum. It's hard out here on the streets. | |
| Don't encourage this behaviour. | |
| No, but when you're out on the streets, sometimes you're just fighting to survive. | |
| I want to explain something to you. | |
| You do enemies, yeah? | |
| Right. And you're at points, yeah? | |
| Sometimes when people challenge you, you have to crush their spirits so they never do it again. | |
| Mr. Bailey with his five espressos thought he was tough. | |
| You... Nigel, say let's turn this into a competition. | |
| Fine. Well, you're all done, and I'm doing it by myself. | |
| Just to show that this ain't no thing. | |
| And I'm gonna sleep like a baby tonight, no problem. | |
| This is just, this isn't me competing. | |
| This is me just living my life. | |
| Just another normal day. | |
| So you motherfuckers know not to step to this. | |
| Hey, Nigel. Play Tristan at Consumption Games. | |
| Is that the number one? Because he will always win. | |
| This one's all right. I admit defeat. | |
| I admit defeat. | |
| Nigel called me out, remember? | |
| Nigel was trying to up the game. | |
| I up my own game. | |
| This is me having a relaxing cup of coffee. | |
| You win. On a Saturday night. | |