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Nov. 12, 2023 - Tate Speech - Andrew Tate
01:07:57
PETER PAN PEANUT BUTTER ALERT | EPISODE 3
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Time Text
you
See you around last night. Here we go.
There we go.
Before we start. Hey, we are...
We are live in three, two, one.
So I'm beginning to think that Yusuf is a government spy.
And he's waving this camera in front of us and broadcasting what we're doing to the world.
Possible. Alright guys, it's Sunday morning.
It's Peter kind of getting a butter alert.
We're here with the health and fitness professor from the room.
So I think it's very important that we all have three or four coffees and three or four sacars each.
Which is a lot of that. For our health and fitness.
Good point. And you're a liar.
So guys, you're now watching me, watching myself.
It's your inception. Guys, what's the plan for today?
We've been staying inside all day, every day in the past week.
We have endless options, really.
Bucharest is a very fun city.
Still sunny, you can go up to Snagov Lake, rent little boats, sail around, get in the supercars.
Little boats?
Yeah.
Tell me about your friend Tristan. How did you meet your friend Tristan and love boats?
read your friends' list of beloved books.
Film about it. So we were actually going caving one time.
See? And we were stuck in between two of these just jagging rocks.
Lucky I had a little boat hit.
Yeah, you're right. We should go caving.
Now that I mention it, we should. Baby, I will never go caving ever in my life.
Snorkeling. You're so white.
No, no oceans. You're my little boat.
Does the internet know about the time that I almost got murdered by a giant fish?
So I was scuba diving.
In Egypt. Because I thought scuba diving was fun because I was 18 and I was retarded.
I didn't realize that you could die.
So there I am scuba diving.
About 10 meters down, 12 meters down.
I look up and there's a fucking sea monster above me.
A giant monstrous entity of an animal.
Above me. Ready to kill me.
So you're scared of goldfish? Yes.
So I got out of the fucking water and the Egyptian guy, typical fucking, you know these North Africans, fucking Yusuf.
Hey, we are so lucky to see this beautiful Almost died.
No, they are harmless.
They eat coral. You can crush coral.
And you can't crush a man's skull?
I think Mustafa didn't quite understand that when this fish kills people, the people don't come and say that they got killed by the fish.
So how do you know that the fish doesn't kill people?
Google this. It's called a giant sunfish.
Almost fucked me up.
Lucky I have Aikido.
I almost died.
I want to see what it looks like now.
You want to see a giant sumbitch?
These motherfuckers are huge.
It was bigger than a van.
of them.
And then Mustafa's talking about...
I don't know. His name probably wasn't Mustafa now.
He's Mustafa now. Definitely was.
Mustafa's talking shit about how lucky we are to see it.
Look how big this one is.
That's a diaper. No way.
Yeah, he could have eaten you. Bro.
Definitely. You fucked me up.
Yeah, but you're the one who says you like little boats.
You tried to go see the sun.
Here's how I am. Alex, I did too, and I steal them on number one.
You gotta pump those numbers up.
So I need to drink the coffee at the same time I'm sleeping.
Eat the burner inside!
Yes! IV drip coffee, sleep into your veins, and then you'll sleep with all the energy.
If you have coffee with Frigo to bang you get the energy required to get a good nice rice.
Actually, yeah, you can drink coffee in the morning.
Four o'clock in the morning.
Four o'clock, yeah.
That's a bold strategy.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Yep.
It's a bold strategy.
I don't know. This isn't my secret to hell of a witness.
Lovers and lovers and nicotine and capital.
It's our secret to power.
I need some cigarettes. Tristan did have the bright idea to ditch cigarettes and only focus on three or four cigarettes.
We're so famous now that there's people all around the world who were wishing they were at this table talking shit.
This table is world famous.
And everyone's like, I'd love to just be in the war room, smoking cigars.
This is most men's dream.
You can say to most guys, do you want to go to Disneyland?
Or do you want to go sit in the war room, have coffee with those guys, and just smoke?
Everyone would choose to do this.
Well, there's 10,000 people watching us.
Everyone would love to just do this.
Because everyone who's been around the world actually understands.
Life is shit. Everything's boring.
Parties are shit. Sex with girls is shit.
Supercars. And even then, most of the time you don't go through traffic to get to the fun bar.
It's all shit. The only thing that's fun is sitting around with your boys, making fun of everyone else.
or each other.
So this is every man's dream.
And here you are, with less than five coffees, like a fucking coward.
I don't even like you guys.
I like this expensive pen.
If I had a choice, if someone put a gun to Bailey's head and said Tristan, give me your pen, or I'm gonna blow his brains out, I would let Bailey die.
I'm gonna put a gun to Bailey's head.
That's it. I'll give you a million dollars if I can't shoot.
Bailey would die. I'm wrecking havoc as it goes.
I'm coming back here. I'm burning it down.
Now, if someone put a gun to Bailey's head and said, Tristan, give me the rest of your cup of coffee, or I'll kill Bailey and everyone he loves.
Bailey's gonna have to get it.
It's gonna be a damn good cup of coffee.
It is.
You wouldn't know, because this is cup number three.
Cup number three is excellent.
If you were at my coffee level, then you'd gladly let me die.
On a serious note, can we talk about, actually, seriously, how everything is shit?
No. No, but in terms of everything is shit?
No. You're a millionaire.
Come to this party! I walk into the party.
Can I have a photo? No.
Can I have a photo? No.
Then some fucking really smart dude.
There's always a smart one. He gets to have some photos all the time.
Instead of asking for a photo, I'm going to go over there and try and pretend I'm important.
Hey Andrew, I want to talk to you about some business.
My name is this. Fuck off, brokey.
I don't talk to you. Oh, I've got a really interesting proposition.
Nothing about you is interesting.
Nothing about your entire life that you've lived has ever been interesting.
I don't want to do your shit business.
Even if it made unlimited money, I wouldn't want to do it because I have to talk to you.
So I don't want to talk to you. So go away.
I don't need money. Fuck off. Okay.
So you've got those. Then you get some other dudes who think they're cool.
Hey man, this party's...
Yeah, I've got another party.
Everyone leave me alone. Then there's whoopies.
Okay. Groupies around.
Chicks. Groupies. And they're all staring, but they want me to go say hello to them.
Hi! How about no?
So I sit there on my phone, thinking, why am I here?
But I'm a millionaire, so I can't stay at home.
And now I do. And now I realize I have more fun sitting around here talking about Bay Area Beach all night.
That was literally our night last night. The whole night.
100%.
You're just sitting in the club all by yourself. I roll up.
You look miserable.
Music's just boom boom boom boom boom. Can't even talk to each other. Can't hear each other. Just sitting there.
We look at each other. Why aren't we here?
This is so gay.
What are we doing?
And we just left. We just left.
If only there was a man smart enough to say, that's gonna be shit, don't go.
If only there was a man in this group who said, that's gonna be shit, don't go.
Because I do do things, but when I know something's gonna be shit...
All parties are shit.
Andrew has this move.
Oh, let's just go check it out.
I don't like it. Okay, so, right.
Someone serves me a steak.
And I'll eat the steak. Okay, I'll eat the steak.
Cool. Someone puts a plate of dog shit in front of me.
And I say, Andrew, this dog shit is going to taste really bad.
I know it's going to taste bad.
I have no personal experience on this dog shit, but I'm telling you, if you take a spoon of that and put it in your mouth, it's going to taste better.
I know it's going to crack.
There's a missing part to the equation.
What? One time in a million that tastes good?
No. If there's an event going on, and I know it's going to be So what we need is a hobby.
So we're millionaires.
We have unlimited money. Hundreds of millions of dollars.
Okay, because millionaires' hobbies suck.
Like drugs and hookers.
Those are millionaire hobbies. Skiing sucks.
Helicopters suck. Scuba diving sucks.
Anything to do with fucking white boy shit.
Jumping out and playing. Hooker sucks.
We don't do drugs. We don't gamble.
So what do you do with all this money?
I buy a new car every week.
That's kind of fun. Not because I drive them, but because I get to make fun of everyone who can't afford endless cars.
What else can we do that's actually fun?
Collect expensive pens.
We are going to do that. Casinos.
Bro, I can't gamble. He doesn't gamble.
I used to gamble.
To be fair, Andrew, we go to casinos.
And I'll gamble.
You just lose, which is funny, but then if you win, it doesn't make a difference because you're already a bitch.
Good point. I'll only gamble if I go to Monaco and shit, just for the sake of wearing my tuxedo and I'm going to gamble.
It would be nice. The only thing that's fun is racing around Europe in Super Bowl, staying in five-star hotels.
Shane, you're arrested, you're a loser.
You're arrested, you can't even put the rest.
Loser. So let's make the list.
First thing first. Have you ever seen those bell curve graphs where you have like stupid I've tried to analyze why I hate going out to parties so bad now and I've kind of realized it.
I think... That's 60 to 70%.
There's reasons. Here's the reasons I go to parties.
One, pussy. I am in the very unfortunate position where I cannot possibly see all of my girlfriends anyway.
So I literally don't have time to make girlfriends.
So I don't have time for that.
Why?
The other thing is, guys want to feel important.
So like, if there's a big party in an area, they want to be in the spot, because everyone's going to be there.
Buy them a champagne, get some ice cream.
And like, be there, like, oh, did you, were you there last night?
Because we're the most relevant group of friends on the planet.
So we don't have to go anywhere.
We can just sit here and do this.
So why do we have to go there and be seen?
In fact, it's annoying to be there because then there's always some dick I try and talk to him.
Yesterday some dude come up to me and he's fucking...
Hey bro, I was always waiting to see you.
I was like, hi. We're from Italy.
We're Italian guys.
We moved to Bucharest and we knew we'd see you one day.
We're the Italian guys. What?
And maybe you come to my table for a drink.
I'd rather leave, which is what I did, and sit and drink with you.
Fuck off! Super Mario Bros.
trying to be friends with you. You were mates.
You were mates. I didn't even show up.
Italians love little boats.
True. That is Italian bullshit, and you know it.
Yeah, I'm a little boatman. Do that.
Do you think the Romanians will ever let us go or are we just going to be perma-trapped here?
I think they're going to permanently trap us here forever because of that one guy who wants to steal our money.
We won't say his name, but there's one guy doing this.
This isn't Romanian. Romanian people, we like them.
We like you, we like the judges, we like the institutions here.
One guy is doing this.
Super comp.
Is smoking a hobby? Is that a hobby?
Yeah. Smoking is a hobby.
A smoking star.
And it doesn't detriment my health at all.
I don't believe that. That's all fucking matrix propaganda.
It actually makes me stronger than ever before.
Look at the 1950s.
Men were handsome with chiseled jawlines.
Women were slim. Everyone was smoking cigarettes.
I will not get to be told by people drinking fucking Slurpees with their fat bellies and their high fructose corn syrup.
Fuck off.
See who gets cancer and dies first.
It won't be me.
It's a party sucker, everything is gay.
Do you agree? Party sucker, everything is gay?
What if you made your own pasta?
Before cooking?
Let's take up cooking as a hobby.
Andrew is a master chef.
Beans on toast.
Incredibly. For all those English people watching, this motherfucker right here once referred to our national dish as beans and toast.
Motherfucker. He has no idea.
That's like shitting on an American flag.
Beans and toast?
I was furious.
Everyone in the house was furious.
And I just came in and I was like, guys, I just got back from the airport, beans and toast?
No, let's use our monumental influence, which we have.
I actually want to take credit.
I think of that. I have done more damage to the Star Wars franchise than any one individual on the planet.
I have made Star Wars not cool anymore.
Just me by myself. And we're going to make all parties shit.
If you're watching this, don't go out to party anymore.
It's gay and shit.
Please listen. No, I'm going to explain to people.
I'm going to be at a party eventually.
Don't go to parties anymore.
It's gay and shit.
You're going because you think you're going to meet some hot girl, but the truly beautiful girls, the girls who are beautiful where it counts, deep inside of their heart, aren't even in the party.
And you're going to go there and you're going to stand around in a sausage vest and you're going to do this.
For hours, it's gay and it's stupid.
No more. Don't go.
Ferraris are lame. Instead, I would rather... You know what?
When I was broke, back in the day, me and my boys used to all get into a Vauxhall Astra and just drive around the clubs because we couldn't afford to go in and try and pick up girls from outside.
We should start, all of us get in a Ferrari and just start pulling up outside clubs on a Saturday night, us four, and we'll pick up and get a bumper alert.
We'll take the two Ferraris, the RS7, we'll get the security car to come with us, we have bodyguards, we have room for more chicks.
Let's take five or six supercars and let's drive from club to club and just pick up all the girls from outside and put them all in the cars.
Why are we going inside of these places?
You sound like a human trafficker.
So some fucking nerd can come up to me and say, Hey, I'm Italian!
Like six times in one sentence, like I'm going to give a shit.
You're Italian? Whoa, I really want to hang out with you!
Tell me more! Dickhead.
He just wanted to take you out on a little boat.
Trust me. I like the idea,
though. Pulling up with our goons to the clubs, looking like mafia.
We said that last night. When we left the club, me and Bailey went to get a big fat steak at 1 in the morning.
And I said, we pulled up in the RSS. I was like, is this as cool as life gets to pull up in a $300,000 RS7 special edition and then your armed guards get out and walk in the club and move everyone out of the way and sit down and start eating fat steaks?
That's pretty much as good as life gets.
That's much cooler to go to some fucking club and it's not about peasants.
Yeah. I'm done with clubs.
For now. For now.
But eventually, the way the world works, eventually I'm going to find myself at a club When people replay this to you, you went to get me out.
That's the official message. I went to stop you from clubbing.
Okay. I have to slow you down because you're out of control.
I haven't even fucking started yet.
Moscow rules. It's 11am.
Let's move to Alabama.
Put a 1 in the chat. I think you have to give me credit.
As an American, the first time leaving the country and I go to Albania.
That's a very weird setup.
It's cool. That's a very weird decision.
Yeah, it was. Over in Macedonia, when I fought there 10 years ago, maybe longer, 12 years ago, was fucking sick.
Who's that girl you almost got pregnant?
Maybe she's watching. We're talking about it.
I'll be honest with you. I don't even know who Macedonia is.
Where's Macedonia? Where's Macedonia?
Where's Macedonia? I don't know.
It's near Albania. They're all part of former Yugoslavia.
You know I don't know geography.
Americans don't know geography.
We were in Macedonia, right?
So check this. I won both fights by KO. So this whole town comes to these huge fight events and there's posters of me and all the other 20 fighters because there's a tournament all over the town.
Before the internet, before Instagram, before...
So we're like the tough guys who have appeared, right?
All over this town. And I can tell people were intimidated because over in Macedonia is kind of like old Greek and then these little alley waves and shit.
And the second fight I finished, we'd all won, but I hadn't been paid yet.
I had no money. I was like, oh shit. So we went and came back with like the fucking squad and gums and shit.
Like, alright bro, calm down.
So we went in this club. Anyway, long story.
So we were drinking, we go in this club, in Macedonia, I won't say the name of the club.
We're there, surrounded by girls, we're doing fun, we're famous, we're on the posters, we're the fighters from the other countries, we've got all these girls, da da da da.
I don't know exactly how it happened, but some dudes Being the legend that he is.
For anyone who's watching this, if you're American, you Americans are gun land.
But England, it's different, right?
And before it was stab land, it was punch land.
So England's very different.
So stand up. Let me show you England.
Let me show you how England works.
England's a very different culture. It's like...
Oh, sorry. Sorry.
Hit first!
Right? So this guy bumped into my friend, and I saw the bump, and half a second And the guy went flying.
We'll call this man K-Fed.
He knows what that means.
And no one else knows who K-Fed is.
So, the guy goes flying.
Anyway, we had all these girls.
I was like, we don't know who we've just thrown.
It's a bit messy.
And he goes, all the fighters are here.
I need to do shit. I was like, we're in Macedonia.
Let's leave. So we took a bunch of girls back to the hotel.
End of the night. Next morning, I'm there.
My friend was really hungover.
I'm down to breakfast. I swear to God, I'm down to breakfast with my coffee.
I remember I had a Blackbird back then.
I'm on my bike, drinking coffee.
These two dudes come and sit down at my table.
And I'm like, hello?
And they're like, we are here to kill your friend.
And I was like, which friend?
Like the friend you were with last night, we're here to kill your friend.
Where is he? And I said, I'll text him.
That's what I said. I'll text him.
I text him on BBM. Ping, ping, ping.
He goes, what? I was like, two people are down at breakfast to kill me.
He goes, what?
LOL. I'm like, no.
There's two people here who said they want to kill him.
He goes, OK, let me get dressed.
So he gets dressed, he walks downstairs, and the manager of the whole fight event, the Macedonian, like the mayor of the town, was involved in the whole fight event.
And the mayor of the town, the guy went and got the mayor of the town, a few other important Macedonian guys, and they all went to the corner of the breakfast hall and started having this conversation while these two dudes stood there with their hands on their glocks and their fucking on their waist.
And they spoke a bunch for like 20 minutes and then shook hands and that was it.
I said, so why didn't they kill you? He goes, I have to pay him 5,000 Euro.
It was his cousin. I was like, really?
Are you going to pay it? He goes, yeah, I'm going to pay it.
I was like, how do you know they're serious? He goes, no, they're serious.
So you need to pay five grand to throw the guy over the table.
Wow. Let's go.
Macedonia sounds fun. The world's changed.
Macedonia, all around the world, in Dubai, places, Instagram's killed it, that whole vibe when everyone in the town who wants fun goes to the center of the town on a Friday night for the fun is over.
It's all over. The internet's killed it all.
I don't know. I'm messaging that Macedonian girl, who's a total nine, so I say we all go to Macedonia.
So that would be my Macedonian girl.
That would be a very good one.
So what we're saying, having Better options,
job opportunities, fucking richer, more handsome dudes.
You know, if you are from...
Let me talk to you about my old favorite town, when I was young and haran and used to womanize, because obviously I'm not a womanizer anymore.
This town was called Kosice, Slovakia.
Kosice, Slovakia had girls.
I was going there from when I was 16, 17, 18 years old, before Facebook, before fucking...
Before Instagram, before TikTok, before any of this crap, before Tinder, before all the crap that ruined the world where everyone's on their phones all the time and everyone's flying around the world and the best guys on earth.
Actually, you know what? I'm actually glad the world's changed.
I'm gonna get into this in a second.
But now the best men on earth can invite any beautiful woman from anywhere in the world, anywhere they like, and the beautiful woman go.
They don't wanna fuck the guys in their hometowns anymore.
But back before that existed, when I was a rookie, in Slovakia, there was, man, I wish I could turn back time and go out for one more weekend.
It was fucking awesome. The world was a very different place.
Everyone smoked cigarettes inside.
It was beautiful. But everything moved on at exactly the right moment.
Because now the world's changed.
If I was still a brokie living in Kosice, Slovakia, or a brokie living anywhere, I'd be so No, you're not.
Why? Hi, do you want to come with my little button?
Yeah, exactly. When I get my rowing boat, I'm going to get a rowing boat in this pool, and I'm going to sit in it, fill it with beautiful women, and everyone's going to have to admit that I was right.
If that happens, I'll make it right.
You know the ladders got me lots of beautiful girls.
You talked shit about the ladders until you saw that If you end up on a little rowboat in our pool with girls, I'll admit that you win.
You'll admit that I win? I'll admit it.
But until that happens, if you did not win, you lost.
Challenge accepted. Challenge accepted.
So once we're free, what are we going to do with our lives?
I'm trying to avoid everybody all of the time.
Everyone wants to talk to me and is super annoying.
Once we're free, let's stay here.
I was staying at home for a couple years.
Remember our first night off house arrest?
We said, this is bullshit when I'm going out.
We've been locked in our house for five months and we just stayed home.
That was pretty epic.
Going out is shit. Doing things is shit.
It's all shit. All I do is race around in cars and avoid everybody.
And now the weather's just too cold for that.
I don't want to talk to you. That's what I like about this house.
No one wants to talk to me. Outside, everyone wants to talk to me.
He's not that interesting. Hey, bro.
Have you got five minutes? No, I do not.
Nice to meet you. Oh, there was a dork the other day.
Fuck, you know, I almost fucking slashed his throat with a knife and let him bleed to death on the restaurant floor.
This motherfucker comes over.
Somehow, because he was sitting next to us.
Hey, hey, can I have a photo with you guys?
I'm like, you know what, security get up.
I'm like, yeah, no, no, let's give him his photo.
Fine, we stand up. If you're watching, don't ever fucking do this, mate, whoever you are.
We let you take the picture with us, and you go away.
Then you fucking come marching your dumb ass over about three minutes later.
Hi! Sorry for interrupting, I need five minutes of your time.
I'd just like to discuss with you, and you're like, no.
No, we'll discuss with you.
I'm having a discussion.
An important one.
With all my millionaire friends.
What the fuck do I want to discuss with you for?
You had your picture. Fuck off.
And in fact, there's that old saying, if you treat someone like a fan, if you treat someone like a celebrity, then we treat you like a fan.
There is a tiny possibility that a man actually approaches me and says, Hi.
Yeah, I know who you are. I've actually got this idea.
Can I run some? Then come over after a few minutes like you're the fucking businessman.
No, you're not. You're a dummy.
I'm going to correct Tristan before he ruins our lives.
You can come over to me however you want.
I'm not coming by your business. Yeah.
Before Tristan ruins our lives.
Excuse me, mister. Fuck off.
You said on the livestream once I could stop.
I don't want to talk to nobody. Don't talk to me.
Don't come talk to me. Join the war room.
If you're important, I'll talk to you. Join the war room.
And inside of the war room, there is an organization We'll speak to you inside of the war room.
If you see me on the street and you're not in the war room, don't talk to me.
I don't talk to you. And if people don't believe you, I'm sitting here.
War room? Boom.
Brandon joined the war room. Now he's at the table.
Yeah, same. Yeah, Yusuf joined the war room.
Or imagine people at Eustace Day.
The ghost of Eustace Day.
Yeah, Eustace Day's a ghost.
Now I will talk to you if you're wearing a Resist the Slave Mine t-shirt.
I will talk to you for a minute.
I think that's fair.
And don't come up to me, you're like, I have the t-shirt at home.
I will punch you in the face.
Wear it.
I will strike you physically.
You don't want to get hit by me.
Wear it permanently.
Think I'm scared of going to jail?
Proving that I'm not, I'll punch you in the face.
Don't talk to me.
Wear it permanently.
For life.
For life.
If you have a tape Resist the Slave Mine t-shirt.
Peace.
I've only had four cigars and five coffees of my game.
Yeah, I'll have another one.
Alex, where's your coffee?
Here. You actually have one?
Yes. Alright, good.
That's an anti-cop, isn't it?
Yes.
There's no way, no one left this room or came in that he somehow manifested a coffee.
I knew, I know him.
Alex is the keeper pretending to drink things, by the way.
The war room's the only place I speak to myself.
People are asking why the war room. The war room is the only way to speak to us because most people are shitmunchers and waste everyone's time, including their own.
Most of you are so stupid that you waste your own life.
My time is valuable because I live the most beautiful human experience a man can possibly have.
So I don't want to have my time wasted by dorks like you.
So if you join the war room and you're not a loser, you will naturally progress throughout the hierarchy and end up sitting at this table.
If you join the war room and you are a loser, I never have to talk to you, which is fantastic.
So you have to join the war room to prove yourself.
If you manage to see me on the street by chance, that is not a chance from God to waste my time because I don't care.
My time is valuable. I have things to do.
Join the war room if you ever want to meet me or talk to me.
If you see me, if you want a photo, if you approach nicely enough, perhaps, but do not try and tell me your shit business idea, because it's shit.
And you know what? If it's good, I'll probably just take it off for you and do it myself.
So just don't waste anyone's time.
Just go away. Yeah, that's a very good point.
I think we should pee or pad peanut butter alert all day.
All day. A smoke off.
A proper smoke off.
Just move away. Tristan's the king.
The episode's not been released yet, so people don't know, but they will know soon.
Well, people don't know that I'm the king.
They don't know. Oh, they're on the way that I am the king.
That our cigar will be.
Well, my loyal Rumble viewers are apparently shocked and appalled and disgusted and impressed.
You can join the war room from any country on earth.
Blast me. Yeah, I am the smoking king.
I don't think anyone can top it.
No. Text in the group chat,
just laser eyes. Oh, I was texting laser eyes.
What the fuck's that about?
Some movie with some guy who's super smart with his life shit and he's a dork.
I don't know why it was on.
Your life? My brain was fried.
Your life? No. Sounds like your life, right?
Well, a guy who's super smart about his life shit is a dork.
Except that he's smart.
So, so, good will hunting without being smart is just a guy whose life's crap and he's a dork.
Your life, yeah. That's not my life.
It is. It isn't.
So guys, we started the conversation talking about things we needed to do today, and it slowly progressed to just staying home.
Alright guys, yeah, alright, so yeah, let's actually be sensible here. Tristan, without bullshit, we're billionaires.
Network. Liquid cash, hundreds of millions.
We are actually billionaires. I want the internet to know that. We calculated our net worth the other day, and we were worth collectively over two billion dollars.
That means if you split it in half, we're both billionaires.
We're billionaires. Our tech empire is monumental because most people don't even have a clue of the things we're involved in.
There's people using apps on their phone right now that they don't even know we own.
So we're billionaires.
We're billionaires, we have hundreds of millions of dollars.
Outside we have, I can see on the cameras, we have an RS7 ABT special edition, we have an MC20, we have an Right.
It's a sunny day.
Lada. We're in Bucharest, which is a fun city.
It is fun. We can do anything we want.
Okay. What should we do today?
Spoke cigars and stay home.
No, this has to be something else.
What are you talking about? This is the funnest thing in the world.
We're just going to sit this table all day talking shit.
Alex, what do you think we should do? I think we should go out.
Who the fuck's your mate?
Go where you want. Take the scooters, of course.
Oh, we have to get these scooters. Okay, so we take the scooters.
And where do we go?
City center.
Oh. Haristrow Park.
Let's put four Bugatti scooters in the back of the X6M, drive down to Harrisdorf Park, and race around the park.
That's fun.
Alright. I'm gonna tell my animation to charge. You tell the staff.
Is that a real plan?
It's one of the last sunny days that we're gonna have in Bluegrass.
What if I take- It's a perfect plan.
This cigar knife...
No, I can't, I can't. I can't make threats on the internet, can I?
and cut my cigar with it.
Nice. Andrew and I, when we were driving around last night, had a brilliant idea.
You don't have brilliant ideas.
Trust me, this is game-changing.
Really? We are going to start taking public transportation.
We are. We're going to start riding the bus everywhere we go.
Why? Why not? We've transcended the supercars.
Let's take the bus somewhere.
At night. He'll organize the tickets and shit.
I don't know how it works. Let's take the metro.
Tickets? No!
Look, just because you're a Romanian doesn't mean we all have to be criminals.
Have you ever ridden the Bucharest metro or not?
Once. Once.
I took the metro. Maybe we should go to the metro.
We should take the metro around at night.
Let's take the trams around at night.
Tram Man. The Tram Man.
Let's take the train. Yeah, the trains go too far.
I'm not allowed to leave the press. Because super nerds are trying to steal from me.
Yeah. There's a super dork out there.
Scooters today. Trams at some random time.
Because if we do it tonight, everyone's going to be out waiting to see the train.
Good point. Yeah, we can't have You could go rowing in the swimming pool.
I don't know, the rowing boat's already purchased.
Got the girls organised and everything.
I'll fucking be the boss of that pool.
Even when it freezes over, I can pretend I'm an arctic explorer.
Wear a big coat and try to break through the ice to go inside the pool.
I'm gonna get your big sailor hat.
Thank you. See?
Finally. Little boats.
We've gone full circle.
Back to little boats I Love the planet of those I don't think that at least three coffees before I talk to him I'm not talking to a man. He hasn't had a coffee. Sorry I'll organize the source of coffees.
I'll tell you one thing I want to do.
Nobody cares! It's almost...
It's getting close to Christmas.
Don't look like I care. I want to decorate the entire house.
Turn it into a winter wonderland.
Christmas lights, Christmas trees.
Make the apples. Stockings.
Whole nine yards. No, I would dress up as Santa Claus.
I'm going to bring everyone gifts.
You get cold. Alex, I'll do something good.
To be fair, I think I would make the most terrifying Santa Claus.
How? That I just carry around a big machete.
You know. Just throw them cold at kids.
You would be the biggest one, at least.
People will think I'm a human trafficker.
I can't buy people. Put them in my bag.
I get to do something for Christmas.
We have to. That is a good point.
That is a very good point.
We do kind of have to do something for Christmas.
We have to tell everybody that's watching what our Thanksgiving Day play is.
I think last Christmas, I was with Alex drinking wine that his dad made.
Can you enlighten everybody on Village Wine?
Because they don't know. Yeah, so basically, when you're a billionaire like me, you can drink any drink on the planet.
So, I've got bottles I've got the top of the safe in the back of the bar.
I have Lou the 13th Cognac, a seven or eight grand bottle.
I have all the booze a man can want.
And when I sit around drinking Valet, we drink wine that his dad made.
If his dad were to sell this wine in the village stores, it would cost about three euros a bottle.
I've seen it for sale.
And it's very good.
I choose village wine every time.
But the secret sauce when it comes to the village wine is you never know what you're going to get.
You never know how much it's going to be.
Me and Alex have sat together.
And Alex is a terrible drinker, by the way.
Probably the worst Romanian drinker in the world.
As a Romanian, he can't drink for shit.
And we can drink four bottles of village wine and feel good.
But then there's one night me and Bailey had like two and a half bottles of village wine and I fucking almost died if so did Bailey.
Guys, I have an idea. Good morning.
Good morning. For the next seven days, anybody...
What we're going to start doing. We started.
For future... We have more copies, bro.
Four, please. Okay. Eight.
Thanks. Ten. Ten.
Thanks. Okay. From now on, Peter Pan, peanut butter alerts around this table.
Each time, we're going to have a guest.
We're going to have a guest.
So for the next seven days, you can go to the live chat on CobraTape.com.
Go to the live chat agent and explain to them why you should be selected to come to a Peter Pan, Peter Barber.
You get flown out. You go pay their flights.
You go pay their hotel. And every Sunday morning, someone's going to sit here with us.
And we're going to talk to them.
But you have to explain to the live chat why we should choose you.
And we're going to put them in between me and Tristan in case they're weird.
If they do anything they shouldn't do.
Then we can deal with. Yeah.
And if you upset me, you'll never see your family again.
You're going to have to go to the live chat and cover people to come and explain why we should choose you.
That's what we're going to do. A live chat agent will choose.
Or, yeah. Yeah, do that.
Hopefully no one gets flumbed at you.
We'll see. I like that.
That's a good plan. That's a good plan.
Yeah. Slice up our random fans.
See, that's crazy. That's a lot.
So if you want to meet us, that's how you do it.
You can go to the live chat on CobraTakes.com right now and explain to them why you should be invited to a Peter Pan peanut butter.
And you can fly out here.
When are we going to fly the first person out?
Let's see. The live chat guys or war room guys are going to compile a report And if you are chosen, you'll be chosen to create a video interview.
A video message.
And you'll be given a secret email address to send it to.
And we will review the videos.
We'll choose somebody. Chusif.
Chusif will choose. Chusif will choose.
I'll choose. The ghost of Chusif.
So Yusuf has many nicknames.
So we tried to think of a nickname for Yusuf and we couldn't because we couldn't think of things that rhymed with Yusuf.
But then we realized loads of things rhymed with Yusuf and I think we've landed on Abusive Yusuf.
So that's his name.
So as I walk around being spied on by the police, I roll with a man whose nickname is Abusif Yusuf.
Definitely get me in trouble.
That's just one of his nicknames, he has nicknames.
True. Abusif Yusuf.
Elusive Yusuf when he's not around.
See, on this stream, he's Elusive Yusuf.
He's there, but he's not.
Because he's loose.
What's Alice's name?
Yeah, fuck Alex. Fuck Alex.
You know how I'm going to video call.
Who? Your cousin.
See the answers. No, no, no, you can't.
Oh yeah, I'm not allowed. Well, Sam.
Yeah, Sam. Your cousin's Sam.
Don't call Sam. Don't call Sam.
Why? Alright, I'm done with cigar number one.
Do I need number two? Obviously we don't.
The fuck is wrong with you?
You're right. Coffee number two, cigar number two.
Embarrassing us, live music.
I want coffee number seven, cigar number three.
You're the upper fucking game, baby.
I'm not up to you. It's good that he doesn't have the second guy in the world.
The fastest second guy in the world.
Oh, yeah. Usain Bolt?
No, the second fastest guy in the world.
Oh, the second fastest guy. His last name is gay.
Oh, nice. Nice.
I'm passing the cigar jar, please.
Alright, we'll do it with the knife.
This is the baby's cousin who sings this song.
This is a banger. Michael Baldwin's the man.
You guys, the world is lucky I can't sing it.
I'd be singing at Lucy's love songs.
BBC Lucy. Oh, BBC Lucy.
She probably still has dreams about you.
There's a picture of me and her next to my bed.
She does have dreams about you.
This is the first one I took. She's just looking at the camera.
You're also in my bedroom like Thursdays.
That's my number one fan from the BBC. They are, man.
Are we just the biggest trolls?
You don't want to get to arrest people in trafficking.
You work for the BBC. You come over to try and stump them in an interview.
They try not to be super smart and they make a fool of you.
They make pictures of you in them all over their own room.
You know, it's like Matt Shay turns up to the gate.
He's DMG. They must hate us.
We're not even trolls.
These people try to troll us and fail because we're smarter than them.
A homeless person.
By the way, his career is over.
You've ended that man's career.
You've ended that man's career.
He can go on his Twitter page, his ex-page, where he has almost no followers anyway, but all of his followers are people waiting for him to say anything, so they can call him a DNG and ask him for chocolates.
His whole career is over. He could do a story, a breaking story about the Brazilian government's corruption inside, or whatever he does, and everyone would ask him for chocolates and call him a DNG. Just fucking do honest journalism and you don't get practice.
I miss house arrest. House arrest is great.
Let's put ourselves back on house arrest.
That was probably one of the best summers I've ever had in my life.
That was so much fun.
We didn't leave the house.
We just sat here fighting.
What do we do? Fight? Train?
We train three times a day.
Every single day. Jail is just the ultimate hassle.
Oh, Jail, yeah. Room arrest.
Room arrest. Real arrest.
This song is about my relationship with Jay.
I spoke Jay a lot of times.
I can't explain it guys.
you Please correct me. I want you to correct my brain.
Because people live lives, and I understand people live lives, and I shouldn't be this way.
But let's say, like every day, thousands of beautiful women try and get my attention.
And super hot girls message whatever account they can find that isn't even mine, trying to somehow get hold of me.
And if they're like 11 out of 10, somehow it's filtered down the line.
And eventually they end up in my life somehow.
And then I'll look at a girl and be like, oh yeah, I'm a huge fan, and you're so smart, and you're fixing the world, and the Matrix is not fair, and all this shit.
I'm like, yeah, yeah, it's you. And then, I look at their page, and they're, let's say, out to dinner.
And I go, pulse. Is there something wrong with me?
I'm like, dude. I see you just at dinner!
Just at dinner! Yay, dinner!
Disgusting. Who's dinner? Who took it?
Who paid for that? You didn't pay for that.
Who you mean? How many boyfriends do you have?
How many exes do you have? Because they're at dinner, I don't reply.
Literally, if they've never left their house, I won't talk to them.
So I've thousands of women blown up all my fucking social media.
Please, please. I'm like, oh, if you're dead or no.
Oh, you want a bike ride?
Or wrong? I don't talk to any of them.
I mean, is there something wrong with me being repulsed by seeing a girl in a restaurant?
It's violent. Andrew, you sound bad.
So we're all the girls wondering why I don't answer.
It's because you had dinner. Three months ago.
Right. So now I want to talk.
My brother is a misogynist.
I, as a feminist and a left-wing, rational man, know that when you see a girl in a restaurant in Dubai and she has lobster and caviar and all these things and champagne and the bill's six or seven thousand euros and she's taking the picture by herself without the person next to her, I know that she paid for that dinner herself and she was just taking her mama to lunch.
Because women can have thousands and thousands of dollars to spend on restaurant bills, Andrew.
Don't be a misogynist. How dare you?
I'm sorry.
We need more women CEOs.
You're right.
And Andrew is a misogynist.
Take him to jail, please.
Send him to jail, he's a misogynist. You hear what he just said?
That women in expensive restaurants often don't- You know the best thing about McLaren's?
What? Best thing about McLaren's.
Let's say I'm talking to a girl and I take her on a date.
I can tell she's like a feminist.
I don't date a feminist, but let's say she has an opinion.
It's annoying.
I always take the McLaren.
It's beautiful.
Because if you take any other car, they can get in.
But the McLaren blows their mic's camera pad open the door.
So when you pull off, for everyone at home with a McLaren, or if you're thinking of buying a supercar, McLaren has to be your second supercar.
It can't be your first.
She needs you somewhere you don't.
Fuck off, I don't support that.
I'm sorry.
That's cool.
So if you're at home and you're thinking of buying a supercar, a McLaren's going to break down all the time.
So don't make it your first supercar.
It needs to be your second. You need to get something reliable like a Porsche and a McLaren, or be letting you have 53 cars.
But when you get McLaren, the best thing about it is girls can never work on the doors.
So whenever you want to date with a girl with an opinion, what you do is you pull up, or you're going to collect her, and then you don't open the door.
door. You stay in the car and you just sit in your phone for a second.
Sit in your phone, chill. And let them stand at the door.
And you wait 15 seconds.
Eventually, they have to humble themselves and go, you can't do the dog.
I'm like, just open it. I can't.
And then you open it for them.
You open a ring over and they go, I couldn't work it out.
And by the time they get in and close, all their garbage about being smart and a boss bitch and a CEO and all that shit's gone.
Because she couldn't work out a fucking car.
So the next time I'm like, oh yeah, women can't park.
We can park. Let's not talk too much.
But I didn't know how it worked!
Case in point. You want to discuss global politics now on our date?
Well, you couldn't open the door.
You couldn't even open the car now.
You couldn't open the door. You wouldn't even talk to me about you being very emotional.
You can't open the door.
So, that's the best thing about McLaren's, is letting them stand outside and gawk out the window at their little pretty faces.
McLaren doors are kind of hard to open.
For girls, Bailey.
I know now. First time I was like, how do you do this?
It's super fun. I always do it. I pretend I didn't notice that it couldn't work it out.
I You're holding your game away.
Sorry. The next girl's head of the day is going to notice.
Don't leave me outside the car!
Watch every beautiful girl watching this is how I'm Googling how to open a McLaren door.
Googling.
But here's the thing, all the girls watching this have been Googling how to open a McLaren door for a while.
But everyone's broken.
No one has McLarens. So I'm probably not going to take you out.
So you're probably never, ever, ever, ever going to need that knowledge.
Learning how to fucking fly the moon lander.
How many coffees are on this table?
And you know what's actually crazy about this?
This is a normal morning for us.
Actually. Because we actually scream 12.
We have this super competition with endless coffees.
And we drink as many as possible.
And these cups, if you're at home and you want to power up and have a real coffee on topg.com, you can get these exact cups, which make the coffee twice as hot and twice as strong.
I do like this cup. These cups, these are the old cups to take cups.
We don't care about those. It's not coffee.
I don't think people actually...
Or a closet... Closet something.
Closet dwelling. People don't realize how much coffee we actually consume.
Yeah. Because this is just the warm-up.
If we do go out...
Oh, it's coffees. We sit down at the table.
20 double espressos, please.
And they think we're joking, but then they bring 20 double espressos and we're just pounding them.
Yeah. This is the warm-up.
So if we go out... Caffeinate my bloodstream.
My whole life is caffeinated.
I'm a caffeinated man. I live caffeinated.
My name's Nick Oteen.
It is.
That's your nickname, I forgot about that.
Nick Oteen.
All of you who follow me on Mumbo are going to find out why I'm Nick Oteen in about 5-6 days.
in about five to six.
The episode's finished, it's just waiting on the release.
It's good. It is the greatest feat of human achievement that has ever been achieved.
Let's play music. It's impossible to be depressed.
The Lighthouse family, alright?
It's time to be depressed, go. This is depressing?
This is very depressing.
This is the happiest song in existence.
No one's ever killed themselves in this song.
Let's do it. Why do you not know the Lighthouse family?
The Lighthouse family. How could you be depressed if someone called the Lighthouse family is the light?
I see the light.
I'm happy.
Me too.
I'm always impressed.
People think this is something we're doing from really just showing our lives.
Actually, this is what we do.
Alright, so I'm really most depressing song time.
Yes Me We are Oh We are forever, and ever.
This is depressing.
Oh, it's happening! Show the selection to the world.
Now unlike my brother, I don't give a shit.
So Tris is like, this is this special edition.
It's got a fucking label or something.
These were $700 each.
Underneath we have all these boxes of cigars for like $7,000, $8,000, $9,000, $10,000 each.
To me, it's all the same.
It's wasted on me. It's like those wine dorks.
Ooh, this wine. Fuck off.
I don't like wine. I don't give a shit about wine.
Let's open a 40 year old bottle of wine right now.
Why?
I don't know.
You don't.
Me neither.
At the end of the day, remember the ways you came so close to the end. Remember.
If this song was playing the whole time in jail, people would love it.
The boss would love it.
I would have gone insane.
One sec.
I think I didn't go insane, John.
That's part of my brain in jail.
Part of my sanity. Nobody, anyway, I'm gonna say this again.
Nobody on Earth can be going through what we're going through and not give a fuck as buses be in here.
We only share peace.
I'm not giving a shit.
I'm happier than I've ever been in my heart.
Turn this shit on! Yes, my hair is curvy.
My hair is naturally curvy because I'm mixed race.
Is this sad? I hate this song.
So turn it up, please. Everybody Hurts is pretty depressing.
We've played depressing songs till we kill ourselves.
That is not a stream.
This is not a stream.
Wait. I have a song request.
In case my ex is watching, can you play Iris?
and can you play Iris?
Who's Iris? What's that?
Iris is the name of the song.
Why? Which ex?
The Goo Goo dolls?
Yes.
Oh.
Ha ha ha ha!
Nice!
I wish you'd have some of your Goo Goo on your face.
Your ex Goo Goo Doll.
No one ever brought my girlfriend to have a Goo Goo Doll.
It's such a depressing song.
Right.
Call me suicide.
Birds.
Let's start doing that again.
Birds.
Just hit your first cup, Alex. That's fine.
It's supposed to be strong.
Health and fitness. Teaching strength.
Can't handle a little fucking morning beverage.
But for that it...
It's pretty hot. Temperature is hot over here.
It was Alex, the world's smallest violinist.
Are we going to go out on our supercars, or are we just going to sit here and do this?
I'm gonna let you be.
What are we going to do with our lives?
What I'm going to do is I'm going to cut this paper into strips, right?
And then I'm going to hold it in front of my face as a jail simulation so I see the world through my eyes.
Now I'm happy. Jail simulators.
I'm going to start selling these. $10 million.
TalkToYou.com. Let's sell jail simulation boxes.
3D jail simulators.
Make that happen. Make that real.
I'll be selling these on topg.com soon.
That's...
That's...
This isn't the...
This is what your life should be like!
For everyone at home, you should be living with your best friends, drinking coffee, smoking expensive cigars, listening to Rocky theme tune.
This is a man's life.
Not just sitting around with your girlfriend in a little pee-pee, trying to get your little boner away.
No. This is what you should be doing with your life.
Like a fucking hero!
🎵 Too close to life, revelations 🎵
🎵 It's a pretty many life 🎵
🎵 It's a pretty many life 🎵 🎵 In his infestation 🎵
🎵 The real name is a testosterone boost 🎵
🎵 The real name is a testosterone boost 🎵
🎵 There is so much at stake 🎵
🎵 There is so much at stake 🎵 🎵 Stop the antarctica gas goes 🎵
On your shots!
Woo! You know what kumite is?
Yeah, I know what the kumite is.
You know what kumite is?
I don't. You don't know what the kumite is?
You've upset me. You don't know Kumite?
You don't know what enlightenment is.
You've never been to the Kumite? No, don't tell him.
My whole life has been Kumite!
My entire life's been one endless Kumite!
How do you not know what the Kumite is?
How do you not know what the fucking Kumite is?
I'm ready to learn. Cut him up.
And the first man's legend to be sliced up alive on our stream.
What does my knife say?
It says Rambo, First Blood, Part 2.
So when I pull this one out, The first thing you say, oh shit, Top 2's got a big knife.
Fuck! His knife says Rambo.
Shit, what's that song?
Kumite? What's the Kumite?
Then you die. I think this song might kill it.
I think a full grown man is not having instantly accessible blades at all times.
And it's not a joke.
They're literally every street winner than that one.
There's not a place I'm ever sitting where I can't grab a sword.
It wasn't clogged, but they took all our gums.
You were trapped with spam gums.
Yeah, they took all our gums.
But you did get all the gums?
I'm not sure if we can get the camera right in my house again.
Losers. Searched my house twice and found nothing but much of expensive crap to steal.
So you've never been challenged to the Kumite, who flew to the other side of the world to represent your country?
In Hong Kong. Are you Frank Douglas?
Can you break both of the flags with your bare faces?
If I have enough cigars, baby, come punch the safe door right now.
I challenge you.
I'll try to prove that the safe door is unbreakable though the elbow is super hot.
I have to do it.
And then I have enough cigars out.
My bones are intense.
Give a little boo-boo. Who must take?
See, what happened was, I was fighting the Matrix.
The Matrix was big and strong.
It was close, but I started to win with my Aikido.
And then as I hit him and he fell over, he grabbed some sand from the floor.
Well, no, he had some powder.
He had some powder in his short.
Blinding agent. Blinding agent.
And he threw it in my face and blinded me.
But luckily, the song came on.
Kumite song. After they beat up a little bit, it starts with loads of big spinning kicks.
Except for some reason he didn't move out of the way off.
And they knocked him out. That's the first one.
That really did happen.
Kumite. This is my life!
Why is it outside the world to find some guy who knows a different style and different pumps?
I'm beating you. I found this for real!
I'm on these fucking YouTube dorks.
I was fighting and he didn't have a camera.
I'm Michael BHS. Oh, gee. Who was that? Who was that? Who was that? Who was that? What is all the furries? It's right around town. Don't. We have to take the convertibles.
It's the last piece.
That's what we're doing today.
We don't want anything to do today. We're on this ass.
We're like, fuck! The lights have been better in the 80s.
We're 80s, man.
We live in the 80s. Our life is the 80s.
Training, weights, push-ups, fast cars, beautiful women, smokes.
Well, maybe it's a champion.
I'm a 90s baby.
90s? 90s, I know.
Fuck you! Thank goodness.
How do you have a song to play? Streets of Siam.
Nice. The ultimate walking through the town song.
In fact, I'm hiring.
Tristan Tate is now hiring.
Job opportunity for everyone listening.
If you are a student of the real world, I am hiring you as my official Streets of Siam mascot.
Your job is to have a big On your shoulder.
And whenever I walk anywhere, you play the song.
I get out of bed, walk out to the kitchen, I walk to one of my cars.
I'll fire you if you fuck up once.
If I ever take a single step, and this song is going to be fired, but right now I am hiring.
One million dollars a year.
Streets of Siam play.
That's the job that's now available.
I'm live in the real world.
This is a good live-stream song.
I need it. I need this song.
This makes me want to smoke.
Where's the car? Where am I? Amateur?
Is it going number four? It's my official theme.
If you make videos, affiliate videos of me, I want this song.
I thought that would be better before they changed their name.
Yeah. Yeah.
Old school. Live chat if you want to join in, if you can't hear the bartender like this, guys. That'll explain to you how it's done.
I'm gonna do a video interview.
🎵 Doesn't matter where I go now.
🎵 You know what they say about me.
🎵 Everybody loves a winner.
Right. So...
So...
Song off, let's conclude what we're actually going to do.
We've pitched many ideas.
And I think what we do today is sit at this table, smoking a cigar, drinking coffee.
You think we don't leave, we just sit here all day?
That's my final vote. Yes.
We have unlimited money, unlimited options, we can do nearly anything in the world.
Yes. You're sure that we should just stay here and do nothing?
All right. Who votes who should go out?
I vote who should go out. Who votes who should stay in?
I'm having fun. So it's three of them.
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