Tate Speech - Andrew Tate - Andrew Tate Live from Jail

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Aug. 8, 2023 - Tate Speech - Andrew Tate

23:56:10

Andrew Tate Live from Jail

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	.
	Be sure not to miss out, who knows what might unfold.
	So we're back.
	Back in jail.
	Back in jail, old friend.
	It's super, super authentic.
	This is exactly how jail feels.
	This is bigger than jail.
	And there's no cockroaches.
	Yeah, let's do a difference of the rooms.
	Because people are listening.
	One, there are no cockroaches, because I didn't want to put cockroaches in my house, because then they'd infest the house and be very hard to kill them. So there are no roaches here.
	The original jail had roaches.
	Two, the original jail we had a television with a few channels, most of them in Romanian.
	Now instead of a television, we have a screen where we can see ourselves, and on the screen we can see ourselves, we also have viewers, and we may be opening up to questions at some point.
	And that's our entertainment instead of having a television.
	This area is twice as big.
	We're by ourselves.
	We have no cellmates.
	No one else is going to come into this jail.
	Certainly not during this 24-hour emergency meeting.
	And our bathroom is just behind the cameras.
	There's a tiny toilet separated by a door.
	But that's very authentic because in actual jail we had a bathroom door where you could go and do your business anyway.
	Anyway, so we exit for a minute or two, that's just us going to the bathroom.
	I have the authentic jail slippers.
	You do have the authentic jail slippers.
	Are you jealous?
	No, because I didn't wear them either in the hotel or prison room.
	I said they were ugly when we were in jail.
	I told you to stop wearing them.
	And they even have the original pen scribbling when you scribble on them.
	From jail.
	Also, because we're under judicial control, tomorrow morning at 11, me and Andrew do have to go to a police station to sign a piece of paper.
	Now, we will not be using our phones.
	We'll be put in the back of a car, driven to the police station, and driven straight back here.
	Again, very authentic to the real jail experience, as we often were escorted to go to Court, the doctors, policemen take us places.
	So we are actually going to a police station tomorrow.
	Guards will be searching this cell while we're at the police station, and then we will be immediately thrown back in here.
	No access to our phones, no access to technology.
	Why are we doing this?
	Bro, this is jail.
	This is jail.
	What did we do?
	We walked back and forth.
	I'll tell you what I did.
	I smoked cigarettes.
	The authentic jail ashtray, as you know, is the lid from the top of a jar of instant coffee.
	Obviously.
	Of course, I know that very well.
	I feel like we're going to set a trend, Andrew.
	I feel like people are gonna start recreating jail and doing jail time on the internet.
	But as with everything, we're super cool when we did it first.
	Just yesterday I was smoking a $2,000 cigar.
	Lit.
	With a DuPont.
	A $60,000 light charge was purchased.
	Today?
	Back to jail cigarettes.
	Old, reliable plastic.
	big layer.
	Jesus Christ, how did we do 92 days of this?
	It's been five minutes.
	Three months we did, bro.
	Three months.
	In flashbacks.
	Three months we sat like this.
	Three months!
	Gee, for three months we sat and did this!
	Think about that!
	If you said that someone had to do something for a month, most people can't even go to the gym for a week!
	We sat for three fucking months!
	Ninety-two days!
	Never missed a day.
	We got a single day off.
	Yeah, three months of consecutive jail time.
	Man, that sucks.
	Think of what people like me and you are capable of accomplishing in three months.
	We're not just those bums who sit at home and waste all their energy and waste all their potential.
	We actually have things to do.
	We have kids and shit as well.
	Three months.
	What are the good things about jail?
	What, this jail?
	Now we're in jail?
	Yeah, what's the good things about jail?
	No women are stressing us.
	No one's blowing up our phones.
	We have no phones.
	No stress.
	Is that a good thing?
	There's a cigarette under my pillow.
	Whoever was setting up this jail put a cigarette under my pillow.
	Better smoke it, then.
	Well, I know the rules.
	Find a cigarette, you have to smoke it.
	This is hotter than jail, because there's no air conditioning.
	And it's Romanian summer.
	I was in Romanian winter in jail.
	Yeah, jail was freezing.
	Let me see if I can get comfortable.
	Of course the original jail ashtray is the floor.
	We sentenced ourselves to jail.
	I wonder if people are expecting like a really exciting live stream because jail sounds like an exciting story but it wasn't.
	It was day after day after week after month of monotonous waiting.
	We did get phone calls in jail but we didn't get phone calls every day so today's gonna be one of the days that we have no phone calls.
	Yeah, there were many phone call-less days in jail.
	Yeah, this is one of the days when we're saving our phone minutes.
	Admit you're in jail.
	Admit you're in jail.
	I asked you first.
	Admit it.
	I, Tristan Tate, am a loser and went to jail.
	Admit it.
	You went to jail.
	We'll talk about me afterwards.
	You went to jail for three months.
	First you have to admit you went to jail.
	And you didn't even do any crimes, so you're an extra loser.
	These mattresses, although they're very uncomfortable because we bought the cheapest mattresses we could, they are slightly more comfortable than the ones in jail.
	Thank you.
	We got all of our mail tomorrow morning, which means any Super Chat, all of them will be saved and given to us tomorrow morning with our mail delivery.
	Because that's when the mail comes.
	Yeah, so good Super Chats.
	Don't ask stupid questions.
	Do I miss jail?
	Am I enjoying this?
	What do you call a man with no friends in jail?
	Andrew.
	Tristan.
	Technically, you did more jail than me.
	Because you've lived less years than me, but did the same amount of days in jail as I have, so a larger proportion of your life was spent in jail than mine.
	So do you admit that you have done more jail than I have?
	You admit you're the criminal.
	No.
	You've done more jail than me.
	Neither of us have done any crimes in our life.
	Yeah, but you've spent more time in jail as a percentage of your living years.
	I've spent a higher percentage of my life in jail than you have.
	You fucking loser.
	I told you I'm institutionalized.
	Sucks to be you!
	I'm institutionalized.
	I can't make it on the outside.
	I had to build this.
	People on the internet think we're doing this for like some sort of stunt.
	I had to build this jail, Andrew, and I am never leaving.
	You think 24 hours.
	I now live here, in the jail.
	That's just the way it is.
	I'll get my potato soup through the door.
	It's all set up.
	I'm rich enough to sentence myself to jail in my own house.
	You can go and live your life and drive the cars around.
	I'm staying here.
	It's amazing how you think when you get out of jail.
	jail.
	You'll appreciate everything a million times more, and you do for a while, and then it starts to feel normal again.
	I still will have, I still will appreciate life much more.
	We were sitting in the restaurant the other day, and I said to the guys who were drinking their coffee, smoking their shisha pipes, Not really paying attention.
	I said every city you are in, everyone who's watching us, just a few miles away from you, if you live in a city, there is a building filled with dudes who you will never ever see.
	They just live in jail.
	There are jail men everywhere in the world.
	A couple miles away from where you're sitting right now is a room, a building filled with men who will never see the light of day again.
	Probably a few of them are innocent, too.
	Scary.
	And I'm one of them, because I'm never leaving this cell.
	I like it here.
	I like jail.
	Matrix attack going to sleep.
	Thank you.
	Bye.
	Matrix has attacked us.
	I like his cool slippers.
	You did get those cool slippers.
	I'll give you that.
	I also do have a pair.
	But you can't do this if you don't have a pair.
	This is what we did in jail, isn't it?
	Bye.
	What books did you bring?
	Quran, and the Art of War.
	What books did you bring?
	the Count of Monte Cristo from Russia with Love and the Bible.
	How long Are you staying in here?
	I bet I'll stay in here longer than you.
	How many people are watching us in jail?
	What if no one's watching?
	You are uninteresting, and dull, and nobody likes you.
	If I had to design the worst person in the world, I would start with you as a blueprint.
	And I just need to make a few tweaks and finalize the worst humans.
	How would you tweak?
	Good question.
	There's not much to change.
	Okay, so you're trying to design the worst person in the world.
	Correct.
	You start with me as the blueprint.
	Yes.
	What do you alter?
	It's hard!
	You're almost there, friend.
	You're almost about perfect, mate.
	I've almost made it.
	You've almost made it.
	I mean, as far as people go... Start a bit of a dickhead.
	If I had to design... What flavor?
	You want dinner, Marlboro, or dessert, Chesterfield?
	I'll have a Chesterfield for dessert.
	If I had to design the perfect brother, I'd start with you as a blueprint, but I'd change one major thing.
	I'd put you in jail forever.
	You know, I could get the bigger bedroom, more cars for me, don't have to share them.
	So, you're a good brother.
	I'd start with you as a blueprint, but I'd sentence you to life in jail forever.
	Perma-jail.
	Remember when we thought we were in perma-jail?
	We were in perma-jail.
	We're on 90 days of perma-jail.
	Age requirement jail.
	Especially because it's supposed to be one day.
	Let me find that out.
	So the jail schedule is set up to run exactly like real jail.
	This is real jail.
	It is.
	Self-imposed.
	I'd challenge anybody to do this for 92 days.
	What do you call a man with no shins?
	Tony.
	That wasn't funny.
	Yeah, I bought that.
	Have you heard my joke about dreams?
	No.
	If it was a man, who loved trains.
	So he stole one, drove it, crashed it, killed 50 people.
	They sentence him to death in the United States by electric chair.
	They ask him what he wants for his last meal and he says, I'll have a single banana by itself and nothing else.
	And he eats the banana.
	The next day they take him to the electric chair, strap him in, everything's working perfectly fine.
	They pull the lever and he's still alive.
	Nothing really happens.
	So his lawyers fight the case and say to the judge, well, technically, he's carried out his sentence.
	We put him in the electric chair, so I think we should let him go.
	And they let him go.
	Still train obsessed, he runs into the train station, immediately out of jail.
	Steals another train, crashes, kills a hundred people.
	They again sentence him to death.
	They say, what do you want for your last meal?
	He says, I'll have a single banana by itself.
	He eats down the banana.
	They strap him to the electric chair the next day.
	Everything's working perfectly fine.
	They pull the lever.
	And he's alright.
	So again he goes... Yeah, runs into another train.
	Kills a thousand people.
	Worst train crash in US history.
	Sentenced to death.
	They ask him what he wants for his final meal, and he says, I'll have a single banana on its own.
	And the warden of the prison says, no no no.
	I'm gonna give you the standard latter, which is steak and eggs and potatoes.
	So he eats his standard meal and they walk him to the death chamber the next day, strap him into the electric chair, pull the switch, and again nothing happens.
	The director of the prison says to the guards, who's been giving this guy bananas?
	and one of the guards says, oh, it's nothing to do with the bananas, mate.
	It's just a very bad conductor.
	Ha ha ha ha ha.
	Woo!
	world.
	Thank you.
	Aren't you glad you're sucking jail with me?
	Got more comedy classics coming up later.
	That joke was so funny.
	I forgot to laugh.
	Have you heard my joke about tractors?
	There was once a man who really, really loved tractors.
	He had a tractor wallpaper, tractor pajamas, a tractor-shaped alarm clock.
	He was actually obsessed with them.
	Changed his name to John Deere.
	One day, he wins the lottery, and he's finally got enough money.
	He thinks, you know what?
	I'm finally rich.
	Farming equipment is expensive, but now I'm going to go and buy myself a tractor.
	So he goes to the John Deere showroom, gets into this big tractor.
	He's really excited to test drive it.
	But he slips and falls, and the tractor runs over his legs, breaks both of his legs and his spine.
	He spends six months in hospital rehabilitating himself.
	Luckily, he's left without permanent injury, but when he leaves hospital six months later, he's exactly the same guy except he can't stand tractors.
	Absolutely hates them.
	Rips the tractor poster off his walls, burns his tractor pajamas, his tractor alarm clock, throws all of them out because I never want to see a tractor again.
	Goes into the pub the next day for a pint.
	Orders a pint from the barman, but the pub's full of smoke.
	Our John Deere was a non-smoker.
	So he breathes in, and he breathes out, when all the smoke in the pub clears out immediately.
	Landlord of the pub looks at him and says, mate, that's amazing!
	How did you do that?
	He said, I'm an X-Tractor fan.
	Aren't you glad you're in here with me?
	Enjoying jail yet?
	What do you call a dickhead in jail?
	Tristan.
	I admit that was a good joke.
	My ex-TractorFan joke.
	I don't think you get it.
	I think it's just too complicated for your simple mind.
	I feel like my level of comedic genius is just so far superior to anything you can possibly comprehend.
	And that's why you don't laugh.
	Remember in jail when I used to flirt with the female prison guards?
	That was interesting.
	I've been in jail two minutes, so I already start changing up again, just like jail.
	Yeah, exactly.
	There's nothing else to do.
	There's books and cigarettes.
	To be fair, I don't miss the TV, because it was just Romanian TV anyway.
	But sometimes, Judge Judy was on.
	Every couple days, there'd be a few episodes of Judge Judy.
	Some real justice.
	That was real justice.
	Judge Judy is a legend.
	Super legend.
	She may be one of the smartest people I've ever heard speak.
	People overlook that show and how great it is.
	People just think it's kind of funny.
	But if you're actually a smart person yourself, and you hear her powers of deductive reasoning, she's incredibly intelligent.
	One of the smartest people ever to have a career in television, by far.
	She's like 4'11 and she's terrifying.
	If you were to go to court and lie to her, you need to be scared.
	Those were the good times.
	So what do we have?
	Water.
	Instant coffee.
	Shall we eat a spoonful of it?
	Like we did in jail.
	Why?
	To stay up all night.
	to enjoy jail time more.
	So you don't want to eat spoonfuls of instant coffee with me?
	No.
	Thank you.
	No.
	Why?
	So you're scared?
	So you're scared of the Jail Instant Coffee Challenge.
	Over here you can see we have a little table with our jail stuff on it.
	Plastic knives, plastic cups. Here we go. Plastic spoons.
	Join me.
	So, what?
	It's exactly like jail.
	We tried to make it as authentic as possible.
	We instantly reverted to the same stupid shit we did in jail.
	You did this in jail!
	Don't do it!
	There's no point!
	Why?
	Because now I have to do it.
	I'm not a fucking cuck or a coward.
	I'm not a little bitch.
	I ain't gonna let you down.
	I'm your brother.
	We'll go down together.
	You're a whore.
	For fuck's sake.
	Absolutely.
	Disgusting.
	Remember, Jerry, we ate one of these in a day.
	Bye.
	We ate one of these in a day and didn't sleep for two days.
	Just kept going back and forth challenging each other.
	Remember when I lit my beard on fire for a joke?
	If you have a big bushy beard, gentlemen, do not try this at home.
	And you're in jail.
	And you light it a bit.
	The flame travels across your face.
	And it's kind of cool looking.
	So I'd stand in the weird, bumpy, plastic mirror that you couldn't really see yourself in.
	And I'd light my beard on fire as a joke.
	And one time I seriously burnt my lip here.
	Would you like some water?
	Yes, please.
	That was horrible.
	Why did you make me do that?
	You have the worst ideas.
	In fact, it was you who started that trend in jail.
	I did start it, you're right.
	I started thinking I was smart.
	And then you called me names until I joined in.
	Well, that's most things.
	You've got that control.
	One time, from the commissary, I tried to get coconut water, which you couldn't get.
	But they brought back this sugary, horrible drink in plastic bottles with bits of coconut floating in it.
	And it had like hundreds of grams of sugar per two litres.
	and I drank three bottles in one day and made myself throw up.
	Now I'm not tired.
	I was at least a little bit tired.
	I thought I might get some sleep.
	I'm buzzed up on caffeine.
	For no reason.
	Why did we do that?
	Even in jail, when sleeping makes time go faster, we used to eat instant coffee.
	I'll have one spoonful of your fucking coward, little bitch.
	Pussy.
	I need a cigarette.
	Scared.
	Scared to have two, but you'd never have two.
	Little weakling man, like you're a little weakling.
	I'll turn this to a coffee contest.
	I need to up my daily intake of cigarettes.
	James Bond smoked cigarettes.
	Let's sing a song.
	Did you listen to that song that I sent you the other day?
	That redneck farmer.
	Oh, Gay Bar.
	No.
	It's a really good song.
	I don't like their music, man.
	It's a country music song.
	It's very good.
	I can't remember what it's called.
	Something about Tristan Tate is gay?
	Oh, the Tristan Poo Poo song.
	Is that what it was?
	That's not a real song when you're making things up.
	I'm gonna show you a magic trick.
	Tell me which hand the lighter's in.
	Ready?
	Okay.
	Neither.
	Wrong.
	Go ahead and open both your hands.
	It's neither!
	I instantly knew!
	Speaking of instant... No!
	No!
	Who can eat more tea bags?
	Woo!
	And every ten minutes we'd ask each other, why are we in jail?
	And neither of us knew.
	Why are we in jail?
	Well now we put ourselves in jail.
	From before, we were walking up and down saying, why are we in jail?
	Calling each other losers for being in jail.
	You are a loser for being in jail.
	You can admit it, you're a loser.
	You're a fucking loser.
	You're the one in jail.
	I'm not in jail.
	My mind is free.
	Only my body is in jail.
	Count Monte Cristo was really in jail.
	Thirteen years.
	Or cry me to commit.
	What do you call a man with no friends?
	Who's in jail?
	I I've lost my mind again.
	I've lost my mind.
	What's his name?
	Tristan.
	I've instantly reverted to jail brain.
	I feel like we're back.
	We were going insane.
	Maybe I did go insane.
	Maybe I've lost my mind.
	Maybe this is actual real jail and the last few months have just been a fantasy.
	that I've been having while in my cell, rocking in the corner back and forth, screaming McLaren like I'm actually free.
	You go back to jail, Brain, because when you're in jail you have to reduce your brainpower to survive.
	You can't be a smart person in jail, you have to be an idiot.
	Yeah, it's fucking hard.
	Did you eat another spoonful of coffee?
	Go on, dude, you don't have to.
	Be a little bitch.
	Go on, no, it's fine.
	Just say you don't want to, say it's disgusting and horrible.
	Go on, don't do it!
	I don't want to, it is disgusting and horrible.
	This is how we end up eating jars of coffee a day, Tristan.
	This competition between us.
	Give me the jar.
	Nothing good comes of it.
	My unmatched coffee spasity.
	Coupled with sheer spoonability.
	Makes me appear devoted in any realm of eating granulated coffee.
	Remember when we got that scrabble board, that tiny little scrabble board that we hustled off those other roommates for cigarettes.
	And we changed the rules of scrabble so you could make a word.
	And we changed the rules of scrabble so you could make any word that sounds like it could plausibly be a word.
	So, originally, We played Real Scrabble two or three times.
	About once a day.
	And then there was a word that probably was a word, but we didn't have a dictionary to check if it was a word or not.
	So, we went further and further down the rabbit hole to anything that sounded like a word.
	Couldn't count.
	I won that game.
	Two triple word scores.
	I don't even know what the fucking word was.
	It was obviously complicated and genius.
	Don't worry, we'll get out.
	We have court tomorrow.
	Oh, I remember those days.
	But, those two ladies did in fact let us out.
	God bless them.
	Where's my lighter?
	My cigarette's gone out.
	Which is unacceptable.
	Light your beard on fire.
	My beard's not long enough.
	I'll just burn my skin.
	I'm scared.
	You're too scared to light your beard on fire.
	Admit it.
	If you lose a lighter, then we're devastated.
	I found it.
	Luckily.
	We got another one.
	We got two.
	I thought it was over for us.
	We got two big lighters.
	Roll on deodorant, plastic cups, instant noodles.
	I've got the buffaner, but it's fine.
	I'm going to sleep.
	I have no face.
	You do have a face, though.
	In fact, you have one of the most recognizable and famous faces in the world.
	You draw a bald man with a beard and sunglasses.
	It's a picture of Andrew Tate.
	If you were a bald man with a beard before who ever wore sunglasses, you've now stolen their look, and they'll be accused of trying to look like Andrew Tate.
	Now I have no legs.
	You do have legs.
	Now I have no arms.
	You do have arms.
	You're making stuff up!
	Life's going pretty good for me.
	I have a face and legs and arms.
	To be fair, that is a very good statement.
	Life is going good.
	I mean, I'm in jail, but at least I have a face.
	Yeah, some people don't have faces.
	Now I have no head.
	Admit it.
	You will not get a wink of sleep until you admit that.
	I swear, God is my witness.
	I'll do anything it takes to keep you awake unless you admit that I have no head.
	Fucking try me.
	I'll start dancing around the room screaming things at you again.
	Just like jail.
	I'm back, why'd it long?
	I bet no one's watching on your stream.
	Probably not.
	Because you're uninteresting.
	Probably.
	Nobody likes you.
	Agreed.
	People think you're a human trafficker.
	Nobody thinks that, plus ten retarded autists full of vaccine.
	Everybody with a brain knows I'm not a human trafficker for having a girlfriend with a ticked off account.
	TikTok!
	Your girlfriend has TikTok.
	She doesn't live with you.
	You've never transported her anywhere.
	She's lived in this country since before you came here.
	You made her do TikTok.
	But we can't find the money that you made.
	Matrix attack.
	Matrix deck indeed.
	Maybe we should make a bomb and blast our way out. This is our house!
	We own this building. Have you ever considered mixing water and coffee?
	To create an explosive substance.
	I don't think anyone's tried that before.
	Water and coffee.
	No, Tristan.
	I might grow my hair longer and become a short dork and start working for Vice.
	You wish, mate.
	What do you want to do?
	What are you going to do when he beats you up?
	Grab my t-shirt.
	It's dedicated to him.
	Can you admit that he's going to beat you up?
	I mean, I've got a DNG t-shirt with him.
	Nobody came to the house and you left him out.
	Loser!
	Loser!
	Your buddy He's your mate you want to talk to him I don't even talk to him I suppose it like once You Bye.
	His career is over.
	You've ended that man's career.
	What, the DNG?
	The DNG.
	You've ended his career.
	He never had a career, though.
	I mean, he's always been Whiz Air, ain't he?
	Still Whiz Air.
	Perma Whiz Air.
	Whiz for life.
	Whiz Man.
	He is Whiz Air Man, isn't he?
	But Andrew, he thought making hit pieces on you would make him mega famous and cool.
	Imagine being him.
	Torturous.
	Probably better jail.
	I'd rather be me in jail than him.
	I was saying this the other day, when someone on fucking X was saying, oh, you're under house arrest and I can do whatever I like.
	I'm like, your options are more limited than mine.
	If you're broke, and you ain't got gasoline in the car, and no women like you, and no good men who are friends want to hang out with you, and your options are severely limited, Even now that we're on judicial control, our options of things we could do with our life, like go out and spend $10,000 on red wine and sit around with your friends and laugh, they can't do that, Andrew.
	They are far less free than us, the people who hate on us.
	They're much more in jail than we were.
	You admit there's a picture of you on these cigarettes because you'd like to smoke them.
	What is it?
	Admit there's a picture of you.
	Is the guy in the picture wearing a shirt?
	Is the guy in the picture wearing a shirt?
	Which one of us has a Cheryl?
	This is you in jail.
	A lot of coffees made me sleepy.
	I think if we did the revolutionary act of mixing coffee and water together we could create an explosive.
	Well anytime.
	Apicalda's coming soon.
	It's almost time for Apicalda, I forgot.
	Fuck!
	Apicalda's the best part of jail.
	Here I was thinking I was suffering.
	Apicalda's coming.
	Yeah.
	Fucking hell, we're jailing all that.
	Apicalda means water hot, by the way, for anyone who's not Romanian.
	Jail's great, but Apicalda coming.
	What was I depressed about?
	We did have Apicalda in jail, didn't we?
	We could make chai, cafea.
	When I was a jail amateur on my first day in jail, the nice ladies came and knocked on the door.
	And they said, in Romanian, do you want hot water for tea or coffee?
	And I was like, yeah, I'd love coffee, thinking I was at the fucking Hilton, thinking I was being Mr. Tristate, I drink golden cappuccinos and the Burj Al Arab.
	And she gave me two cups of hot water.
	And I realized very quickly that you had to have the coffee granules yourself.
	And I sat there with those four criminals and drank a cup of hot water as my breakfast.
	What was your first day in jail like?
	I've never been to jail.
	Yes you have.
	You're the only convict here.
	You have been to jail.
	What do you call a man with no legs and no arms and no face?
	Stump.
	Faceless stump man.
	Andrew.
	What do you call a man who's on the front of cigarette packets in a little fetal position like a baby?
	Crying his eyes out because he had a cigarette.
	After you have a cigarette.
	It's not.
	It is.
	I just had one.
	After you have a cigarette, this is you.
	Whaaat?
	Whaaat had a cigarette?
	That isn't me.
	100% you!
	Everyone... Why is his name Tristan then?
	That's not his name.
	How do you know his name?
	What's his name then?
	Andrew.
	Show me proof of his name.
	Otherwise he's officially Tristan forever.
	I'm gonna find out who that man is.
	That man is you.
	You're going to go down the rabbit hole trying to find out who they put on the cover of Chesterfield's and be very bitterly disappointed when you find out it was you.
	I will.
	You will.
	And once you find out it was you, will you admit, once and for all, that you are afraid of cigarettes?
	I'm changing my name to Gaspard Cadarousse.
	I'm changing my name to the Count of Monte Cristo.
	Thank you.
	This is you.
	People at home need to see you.
	This is Tristan.
	Everyone pay attention.
	This is Tristan.
	I want everyone to see Tristan after he has a cigarette.
	Hey look, I found a picture of you.
	Picture of Tristan after he's had a cigarette.
	Andrew, I found a picture of you.
	What do I look like?
	You're laying in bed with some woman and some child looking at you dying.
	Nice.
	Well, this might be you.
	You're in fetal position because you cracked your eyes open.
	Well, this might be you.
	Dying in a hospital.
	Yeah.
	Why don't these pictures work at all?
	They make me want to smoke more.
	That guy's testosterone level must be through the roof.
	Stop showing that to the cameras.
	I'm showing you.
	It's not me.
	I like how we've blacked out our windows so we have no view.
	That's very authentic.
	We call a man with no...
	We call a man with no cigarettes.
	That's interesting.
	What did you learn from JL?
	What does jail teach you?
	It doesn't teach you anything.
	If you were a real criminal who actually did crimes, would jail rehabilitate you?
	No.
	Thank you.
	Thank you.
	You know, when I was younger, I see all these rappers think about catching a case.
	Like you catch a cold, sometimes you just catch a case.
	You don't do anything wrong, you're just out there in the world to catch a cold.
	I heard Mayweather say that as well.
	Catch a case.
	I didn't really get it, but now I totally get it.
	Sometimes you just catch a case, bro.
	Sometimes you just end up in jail.
	You didn't do anything wrong, you just kinda end up in jail.
	That's part of life as a man.
	That did happen to us, didn't it?
	It's happened again, here we are.
	Well, this... okay.
	It's amazing how like Jail this feels.
	You've really done well.
	I spy with my eyes on the amends of Jay.
	You got me with that one when we first got moved to the same cell together.
	Took me a while and I realized the answer was Jail.
	I spy with my little eye something that begins with B. I don't know.
	Baby!
	I spy with my little eye something that begins with S-D-H.
	Stupid dickhead.
	Me.
	Well played.
	Thanks.
	Why don't we light a fire and burn this building down as a protest?
	I really think we could build a bomb.
	I remember seeing the Steven Seagal movie where he was under attack and he was in the house- You are not Steven Seagal!
	Hear me out.
	He took some cooking oil and some Vaseline- Yeah, put it in the microwave.
	And for some reason that was a massive explosion.
	Yeah.
	I don't think anyone has ever tried putting water and coffee together before.
	I think if we take instant coffee granules and add water we can create an explosive that allows us to break out of jail.
	Through the concrete walls.
	We just have to shield ourselves from the blast.
	How about this?
	To add to the explosive potential, when they give us hot water or apicalda, let's do the revolutionary idea of mixing hot water with instant coffee granules to create an explosive we can use to break ourselves out of jail.
	I'd rather make tea.
	The entire British Empire was built on cups of tea.
	Do you remember getting up early in the morning to go to court?
	.
	More often than not to just get sent back to jail.
	Snore.
	Retort.
	Report.
	Fort.
	Port.
	short are we actually doing this one time at once month Thank you.
	We need to ask Twitter who they want to see in jail with us.
	Do a day a month in jail.
	Yeah.
	A thirtieth of our lives in jail.
	Sentence our friends to jail.
	If we do one day every month in jail, the twelfth of every month, we'll appreciate life more.
	This has made me remember jail.
	The worst thing about jail is you.
	Yeah, I prefer being with the random Romanian drug dealers.
	the moment they put me in a cell with you, I was pissed.
	That was extremely depressing.
	Start eating coffee and doing weird shit.
	One of the best days in jail is when that guy's wife So, thank you.
	Sent him stuffed peppers.
	And I ate stuffed peppers with crunched up Doritos in it.
	And it was the most delicious thing I've ever had.
	Maybe in my life.
	Only cost me a few cigarettes.
	Alright, cigarettes are the currency of jail.
	So I'll give you five cigarettes if you never talk to me again.
	I'll give you six cigarettes afterwards if I'm allowed to talk to you again.
	No.
	It's actually a good trade.
	I end one cigarette up for free.
	But then I'll give you seven cigarettes to take all the cigarettes back.
	That doesn't make any sense.
	Then I'll give you eight cigarettes to get over it.
	I'm gonna quit smoking.
	You won't.
	Actually later Who would be good to have in jail with us?
	Thanks.
	Bye.
	I think Rory would drive me fucking insane.
	You know what I don't understand about people in jail, why don't they just go home?
	Do you remember every time I got bored I lifted the phone off the wall and started calling a taxi, saying can I have a taxi please from jail to take me home?
	Didn't work, did it?
	Do you remember the Romanian television commercials?
	That guy who beat you up in the cholesterol advert?
	No?
	Forgot?
	Also.
	All right, we now spend 1 30th of our lives in jail Thank you.
	Thank you.
	So by the time I'm 60, I've spent a year, by the time I'm 65, I would have spent a year of my life in self-imposed jail.
	And I feel like the other 29 years of freedom, I'll appreciate much more.
	Bro, how do we do 92 days of this?
	Iron minds.
	You have no choice.
	Depressive as fuck, bro.
	What were our options?
	Leave?
	Good thing depression isn't real.
	Depression isn't real, is it?
	Loads of people in jail are depressed, though.
	The people in jail would often talk about what they're gonna do when they go home.
	But some of the guys there who were looking at like 15, 20 years just looked super depressed every time someone was talking about what they'd do when they go home.
	Hug my kids, kiss my wife.
	And then there was those guys who were just in jail.
	Really in jail.
	Really in jail.
	We were quite in jail.
	But we met people in jail who are gonna die in jail.
	Yeah, that's gay.
	Some people deserve it though.
	That's the thing people ask me about the conditions in jail.
	I said I'm glad they're crap.
	I don't want them to be good.
	Criminals don't deserve nice jails.
	Sure, I didn't deserve to be there.
	Would you rather have a pet dog as smart as a snail or a pet snail as smart as a dog?
	Pet snail as smart as a dog.
	Why?
	What can a snail do even if you tell it to fetch?
	It's too slow.
	Can't pick anything on.
	I've got nothing but time.
	I'm in jail.
	We're gonna send a snail to fetch.
	Uh... Pebble?
	What the fuck do you mean with a pebble?
	Throw it so the snail can go get it.
	What would you name him?
	You would not play fetch with your snail.
	Slimy.
	Slimer.
	If you stepped on a snail and killed him, would you feel bad?
	No.
	I've probably stepped on loads of snails.
	That's terrible, bro.
	I think here, while we're in jail, you should repent to God and the world and you should say sorry to all the snails you've accidentally killed.
	No, I don't feel sorry for snails.
	No, you should say sorry to them.
	You accidentally killed them, you didn't eat them, they died for nothing.
	I think, while you're in jail, you should pick up your Quran and repent to your God that we, no, for all of the bacteria you've ever killed, by washing your hands with soap.
	Bacteria deserves it.
	So do snails.
	What's snails ever done to you?
	Bacteria's made me sick.
	Snails have eaten my crops.
	You don't have any crops.
	Yes I do.
	I'm gonna turn our garden into a corn farm.
	You don't have any crops.
	Don't I?
	Are there plants in my garden, yes or no?
	Trees?
	Grass?
	Do that, yes or no?
	I've been carefully cultivating my crops.
	Bye.
	Bye.
	Smell the fucking cigarette, loser.
	We're gonna end up like the guy on the packet.
	Fetal position, boy.
	Crying my eyes out.
	That's you.
	Is it?
	What did I even think about in jail?
	Thank you for watching! Please like and subscribe!
	The happiest day I had in jail was when news got to us that you had been self-parked.
	That was a good day.
	I know I didn't even see the episode, but it made me smile to know that you've been cell parked.
	I am going to take a walk.
	Because these beds are super uncomfortable.
	Ha ha ha. This brings back memories.
	Remember doing this for hours?
	See you.
	Free Top G. Can you hear them outside the window screaming Free Top G?
	It's really happened.
	When we were in jail, they'd sit outside the jail shouting Free Top G. Yeah, we did appreciate that.
	We did super appreciate that.
	When we were in jail, we super appreciated it.
	They'd also drive past with our cars and play songs.
	Like your theme tune.
	Why is that your theme tune?
	That was good.
	That did give us an inspiration when we heard that.
	That did make us happy.
	Mark, how bad this is?
	It's the coolest story of our life.
	Free Top G!
	Free Top G!
	Hold tight all the mandem, all the guys who bother to drive past and give us moral support that would then make us happy.
	That did make us happy.
	Super appreciate that.
	I'm thinking of changing the first two letters around.
	From bunk and beds.
	Thanks.
	Okay.
	To confuse the world.
	Think about it.
	We take the first letter from bunk and the first letter from beds, and we swap them around.
	That's new enough.
	It's the perfect crime.
	There you go.
	They drive past and play this song for us.
	I wish I knew what she was saying.
	I still don't know to this day what she sings about.
	I should probably meet this woman at some point, considering her song is mine now.
	I hope she's saying nice things about me.
	It's a love song, my man.
	Is it?
	Yeah.
	What does the man do?
	I can't remember.
	I read the lyrics once.
	The Quran must be higher than the other books in general.
	So I'm going to put it on top of this pillow.
	So the Quran is the highest book.
	Of course, it was on top of the other book already.
	No, it was on top of the bed. It was on the same level as the other one.
	Whistling Whistling Laughter How the fuck did we survive this, bro?
	Sigh Oh man.
	We're survivors bro.
	They can't.
	We're survivors bro.
	They can't.
	We're survivors bro.
	They can't.
	We're survivors bro.
	They can't.
	We're survivors bro.
	They can't.
	Bye.
	They can't break our minds.
	Our fans are shouting for us.
	Nice.
	Being falsely imprisoned for no reason and you've never committed a crime could make lots of people have mental breakdowns.
	I'll see you next time.
	I can't have mental breakdowns.
	But I think they exist.
	Hear me out.
	I need to change the first two letters between bunk and beds to confuse the world.
	When I say I'm going to go to the new thing, which is a new name that no one's ever heard of, So I'm going to swap around the first two letters from bunk and beds.
	They won't know I'm going to sleep and they'll think I'm doing something else, which allows me to get unlimited naps behind the back of all my opponents and enemies.
	What do you think?
	I think that's a wonderful idea, Andrew.
	I have no face.
	Shut up.
	Thank you.
	I'm gonna sit in our chair.
	And I have no legs.
	We have an uncomfortable chair, just like we did in jail.
	I'm going to sit in the chair for a change of pace.
	So we get mail tomorrow morning.
	Yep.
	Super jets.
	Yep.
	Tomorrow morning is mail, which is all the super chats that get sent.
	We get all our mail.
	We follow the prison schedule for inspections, food, everything.
	Yep, we get taken to the police station to sign a piece of paper.
	just like when we're in jail.
	Boarded jail now.
	Oh.
	Bored of it.
	Going to sleep.
	Good night.
	Good night, cruel world.
	Tomorrow we also have to train.
	We have to do a thousand push-ups tomorrow.
	Yeah, we trained in jail.
	We got war balls.
	Good night.
	Hello.
	Admit I have no legs.
	Shut the fuck up.
	jail was better with the Romanian criminals these posters are very cool You know what isn't cool?
	You.
	And now I have no head.
	Who is the world's most boring internet influencer?
	Andrew Tate.
	Do you realize that?
	Thank you.
	You ever hear my joke about the guy who loved tractors?
	I told you that joke an hour ago.
	You ever hear my joke about the guy who loved trains?
	Go on, tell it.
	He was a very bad conductor.
	That's just the punchline.
	Yeah, we skip all the boring part and get to the funny part.
	Do you ever hear my joke about the guy who loves cars?
	No.
	There once was a man who completely loved cars.
	But he didn't like the idea of buying a new car.
	Because he wanted to get one that had already been run in.
	So he decided to buy a used car.
	Okay.
	So he drove down the road in his car, went to the first used car lot he found, asked them how much they'd take trade-in for his car.
	Okay.
	They said $5,000.
	Okay.
	And he was going to swap it for a very expensive fancy used car that cost $20,000.
	Okay.
	But he asked for a test drive.
	Okay.
	And the used car salesman said, sure, you can test it.
	So he gets in the car and he drives out and he drives north.
	Then he drives south, then he drives west, then he drives east, and he returns to the used car salesman and says, I'll let you know if I want the car.
	I have to see a few other cars first.
	So he gets back in his original car, drives on the road, finds another used car loan, asks them how much they'd give him for his car.
	They said $6,000.
	And he traded it in and he got a fancy new used car.
	So he says, okay, I want to test this car.
	I found a really nice car for $45,000.
	I want to test it.
	He got in it and he drove north.
	He drove south.
	He drove west.
	He drove east.
	He came back and told the used car salesman, I think I might get this car.
	I'm very interested, but I'm going to try another car law.
	He gets back in his car, drives down the road to another car law that sells used cars.
	He asked him how much he could get trading for his car.
	He said $7,000.
	They had a fancy new Cadillac.
	Sorry, used Cadillac.
	Almost new.
	Used.
	Perfect.
	Exactly what he was looking for.
	Took it out for a test drive.
	Drove north.
	Drove south.
	Drove west.
	Drove east.
	Came back in.
	Told the car salesman that he's very tempted.
	He might buy it, but he has to try another car lot.
	So he drives down the road.
	Shut the fuck up.
	You're going to keep saying this over and over again, increasing it by $1,000 each time.
	And finds another car lot.
	And he asked him how much he could get traded for his car.
	He said $8,000.
	And he saw a used car he liked on the car lot.
	So he said, can I take it for a test drive?
	The guy said, yes.
	So he drove it north, drove it south, drove it west, drove it east.
	But he wasn't convinced.
	So he let the salesman know.
	He's almost convinced, but he's not quite convinced he has to try another car.
	So he drives down the road in his car, and he finds another used car law.
	And he said, how much will I get traded for my car?
	And the salesman said, $9,000!
	You have to uncover your head and listen to my joke.
	This blanket's soundproof.
	I can't hear you.
	Tristan, are you accusing me of just talking complete shit and just going on and on forever about nothing?
	Have you heard my joke about the ducks?
	No.
	Wait, I haven't finished my card joke yet.
	There was four ducks who lived in a pond in the middle of a forest.
	One day, a hunter came who was hunting ducks and he aimed his gun at duck number one and he fired and he missed.
	Now the hunter wasn't a very good hunter.
	He was too confident in his abilities and he only actually bought one shell.
	to the uh forest so the hunter leaves and all the ducks say to duck number one hey mate that was very close you almost got shot by the hunter and duck number one says yeah i was super super lucky i flew up super high and evaded him so the hunter comes back with another shotgun shell the next day fires his shotgun shell at duck number two and he misses
	The hunter, of course, only packed one shell, just like before, so he leaves the forest, leaves the ducks in the pond.
	And the other three ducks say to duck number two, look mate, you're very lucky that the hunter aimed at you and missed.
	Isn't that good?
	And he said, yeah, it's wonderful.
	So the hunter comes back for the third day.
	He brings two shells with him.
	He fires at duck number three, and he fires at duck number four.
	He misses the ducks both times.
	Then he went home.
	You don't get it.
	Do you want me to say it again?
	Yeah.
	Four ducks lived in a pond in the middle of the forest.
	I don't get it so far.
	I'm confused.
	Explain it to me.
	What's a duck?
	Describe a duck to me.
	It's got feathers.
	Okay.
	It quacks.
	Okay.
	If you were an animal that wasn't a human, you'd be a duck.
	Interesting.
	Because you're a stupid, pathetic loser.
	What do you do if I turn the world upside down?
	The world's always upside down, mate.
	No.
	Well, I take my pillow.
	Okay.
	Well, when the equator runs north to south instead of east to west.
	I don't think it is.
	No.
	What will you do when the equator no longer functions as it should?
	Well, when the equator runs north to south instead of east to west.
	That's exactly what I have just done.
	I don't think it is.
	Try it.
	No.
	Scare it off.
	Under foreseen circumstances, I understand.
	What are you going to do when the world's best astrophysicist doesn't know what a boy is?
	Know what you're made.
	Neil deGrasse Bumbaglow.
	Well, he understands black holes, but he doesn't understand what a girl is.
	Why do you care how I identify?
	Shut up, you fucking geek!
	He's a geek, isn't he?
	All these people who are supposed to be smart are fucking idiots.
	Sam Harris is a dumbass.
	Yeah.
	Neil deGrasse Tyson, dumbass.
	Dumbass.
	They're all dumbasses.
	Bill Nye sold out.
	It's a spectrum.
	It's not a fucking spectrum of gays.
	These people are just dummies.
	How did these people get known as smart?
	Who actually looks at them and thinks they're smart?
	And can you give me credit?
	Admit before they even sold out, I said to you, I don't think these people are smart.
	I think they're just fucking nerds.
	Yeah.
	I said, if you didn't see, I said there were nerds about all of them.
	I said, you can be smart and not be a nerd, or you can just be such a big nerd that people think you're smart, but really you just have a shit personality and you're boring.
	Yeah.
	And you'll say what they tell you to say at the end of the day.
	I won't say what they tell me to say.
	They're scared, bro.
	They're scared of getting cancelled.
	Little babies that have gotten a cigarette.
	Had a cigarette and had a fucking mental breakdown.
	From now on, the loser on the front of all cigarette packets is called Neil.
	Neil, fine.
	Neil the loser.
	Every man is crying his eyes out on a cigarette packet because he had a cigarette and somehow died from it.
	How do you die from a cigarette?
	Fuck.
	Because gender's on a spectrum.
	I'm gonna put the polarities of Earth back to save you.
	Because otherwise you're going to fall off the planet.
	What the people at home don't understand is, as I lay here on this bed... You almost fell off the planet.
	Yes.
	Think about it.
	Technically, you're not looking up.
	Technically, you're glued with your back to the earth, staring down into infinite space.
	Did you know that?
	All I can see is a jail bed, mate.
	If I grip with my fingers into the floor of jail, I can use my chi to slow down the Earth's rotation.
	Have you ever been to Jupiter?
	To make days longer.
	Hear me out.
	And if I speed the Earth up to spin 92 times faster, we can finish our whole jail sentence in a day.
	Have you ever been to Jupiter?
	Yes.
	Is that why you're stupider?
	You will never recover for the rest of your fucking life.
	You will never financially recover from what just happened to you.
	You're going to be broke forever.
	Next time you fucking want to walk around, I'm Mr. Millionaire, I'm a titleless man.
	Walk around in your fancy suits with your fucking fancy cars, try to go to Monaco casino, try to spend 20 or 30 grand a night on dinner.
	They're going to remind you of the fact that you went to Jupiter and that's why you're stupider.
	And you're never going to be the same again.
	You will never recover from this exact moment.
	Your life will never be the same from this moment that I told the whole fucking world.
	Where you been and what you really are.
	I can't, I'm Neil.
	I'm scared.
	watching us. Your favorite planet is Uranus.
	I'm a fucking cigarette. I can't, I'm Neil. I'm scared. I'm gonna die. Cigarettes are a spectrum. Okay? I roasted them on Twitter. Tristan, cigarettes are a spectrum and how you feel about them is a spectrum.
	You know the worst thing about him?
	He was one of the people who said that Pluto is not a planet.
	Because it's just not.
	He's been to Uranus.
	He's been to Uranus.
	Oh yeah, he's a dummy.
	I've been through the desert on a horse with no name.
	It feels good to get out of the rain.
	In the desert... I don't know the rest of the words.
	Do you know the rest of the words?
	In the desert, no one remembers your name because... La, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da.
	Da, da.
	La, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da.
	La, da, da.
	After four days in the desert sun, Andrew went to jail.
	I walked up and down my jail cell, then I laid in bed.
	I've been to jail longer than you have, don't you think?
	Of course you have!
	You've been to Jupiter as well, you fucking loser.
	So I'm a hardened convict, and you're a jail noob.
	Most people are jail noobs.
	Most people can't handle jail.
	Jail's a punishment to weak losers.
	Oh no, jail!
	Fuck off.
	There's no punishment that can be given to us that stops us smoking.
	We'll always remember that.
	That's true.
	Now I smoke cigarettes.
	No matter what they do to me, no matter how unjust I am treated, I am always able to smoke cigarettes.
	No matter what they do.
	I may not be able to, you know, run my business, take care of mom, feed my children.
	Let's take all that away from Tristan, cool.
	But what they can't take away are my fucking smokes.
	Shut up.
	you don't stop the rockin' to the bang bang, the boogie to the boogie to the boogie to the beat.
	Shut up.
	What you hear is not a test, I'm rappin' to the beat.
	I'm meeting group member friends, I'm trying to move your feet.
	My name's Wonder Mike, I'd like to say hello.
	From the black to the white, the red and the brown, the purple and yellow.
	But first we gotta bang bang the boogie to the boogie, say I'll jump the boogie to the bang bang, boogie, let's rock.
	Don't stop, my third level, I make your body rock.
	Now so far you've heard my voice, but I brought one friend along.
	Next on the mic is my man Tristan.
	C'mon Tristan, sing that song.
	Four ducks living upon the middle of the forest.
	I have a used car and I'm going to the used car salesman.
	North, south, east, and west.
	You've been to Jupiter because you're a fucking dork.
	You and Neil deGrasse Tyson have long intellectual conversations about... Gender being a spectrum.
	Jerking off at the same time.
	Planets are a spectrum.
	Pluto's a planet.
	Space isn't real.
	NASA's fake.
	NASA's fake and the Earth is flat.
	I proved it by reversing the polarity of Earth.
	I just reversed Earth's polarity with a pillow.
	If the Earth was a globe, that wouldn't be possible to do.
	The equator now runs from north to south, and you're never going to financially recover from the fact that everyone knows you're stupider if you've been to Jupiter.
	Fact.
	Scientifically proven.
	In jail.
	I think you are, in fact, one of the lizard people.
	My investigation was inconclusive.
	When I get out of here, I'm gonna fuckin' prove it to the world that you're a slimy, lizardy cunt.
	And now I have no face.
	Shut the fuck up.
	How did I survive 92 days with you as my cellmate?
	You were the worst part of jail.
	Whistling Three months is a very long time.
	If you took a three-month vacation at a five-star hotel, hear me out, you'd get bored of it.
	Three months vacation?
	Three months traveling the world would get bored of it.
	Let alone sitting in this fucking room.
	What was done to us was monstrous.
	Admit you've been to Venus.
	Have you been to Venus?
	No.
	Because you haven't got a penis!
	Stupid Earth, Jupiter.
	And no penis in Venus.
	What's next for you?
	What's next for your planetary journey of losing them around the solar system for the whole world to witness?
	Voyager 10.
	Tristan Tate.
	Planet to planet.
	Ultra dork.
	Neil deGrasse Tyson and his co-pilot.
	Talking about fucking spectrums and how happy you can be to talk shit and jerk off.
	That's your ideal space journey, isn't it?
	Star Trek, but fucking gay!
	That's your fucking dream!
	My ideal space journey... That is your ideal space journey!
	From planet to planet with Neil deGrasse Tyson!
	No.
	It's going to Mars with Elon, obviously.
	That's everyone's dream space journey.
	Have you been to the sun?
	Yes.
	Because you like it up in the bum?
	That for some reason wasn't funny in my ones.
	Because you're trying to take my jokes, but everyone knows you're the one who was on the fucking space journey of losing them around the solar system.
	And you're going to be known as that forever.
	You ever been to Earth?
	No.
	Earth is flat and space is fake!
	Nah, Elon wouldn't lie to me.
	Did Elon say it's a circle?
	Or whatever?
	Yeah.
	Elon wouldn't lie.
	I believe the Earth was flat and space was fake until Elon started doing space.
	Can't trust NASA.
	It's run by Nazis.
	Alex Jones is right.
	I mean, I have no legs.
	I could go to jail with Alex Jones and be very happy.
	He's interesting.
	He's more interesting than you.
	So we're going to recreate Star Trek.
	Captain Tristan of the USSS...
	Spectrum.
	The USS Spectrum travels the solar system, goes to Venus because he has no penis, and goes to Jupiter because he's stupid.
	And the second in command is Neil deGrasse Tyson, who talks about the That's what you're going to do.
	And you're going to go try and discover why you're both such monumental losers.
	Set phaser to gay.
	That's what you're going to say.
	That's your first opening line.
	I'm not sure those answers exist out there.
	I have hundreds of millions of dollars and I'm going to produce this show.
	And I'm an actor who represents you.
	An actor who represents him.
	And they're going to be all over TV.
	Netflix special.
	And I guarantee people watch it.
	And everyone's going to learn about you traveling the solar system.
	You know, really expensive movies cost less money than we have.
	We could make movies.
	I'm not talking to you anymore.
	You're good.
	I'm tired of Jay.
	It'd be easier to make a smoothie than a movie.
	What's going to give you more genuine satisfaction?
	A nice smoothie or a stupid movie?
	That question's groovy.
	Having a nice walk?
	What'd you do if you went to space and there was a man there?
	Just a guy.
	Who?
	The space man?
	I assume he's a demon.
	Why wouldn't you assume he's an alien?
	Because aliens can't be real.
	Why?
	Not mentioned in the Bible.
	Aliens can't even find their way to Earth.
	Dummies.
	It's the only flat planet you have to go to.
	Aliens have intercepted our number one astrophysicist talking about spectrum, and they refer to us as phallians.
	I think that's true.
	I think they listen to Neil deGrasse Tyson.
	And they think this species is stupid.
	You do not need to go to that planet.
	They don't even know if they're boys or girls.
	Let's talk about stars.
	Who else on the internet do I dislike?
	Bye.
	Everyone's on the internet.
	I actually don't... I don't watch anything, anybody.
	It's like, what do you think about this person?
	They said this about you.
	I'm like, who?
	Who?
	I don't care.
	I don't know who the people who talk about me are.
	So, in a way, I win.
	Talk about me all fucking day.
	What's so interesting about me?
	Do you remember when I ruined the Star Trek movie when it was playing in jail?
	Star Trek movie came on and you said I haven't seen this and I said don't worry at the end she uses the beastie boys to kill Idris Elba and you said that can't be the ending of this movie and then it was and you laughed and said it's shit.
	Yeah that was terrible.
	And they made Sulu gay for no reason.
	That was the second worst Star Wars Star Trek movie behind your one.
	I don't have a movie.
	movie. You're going to have a movie. USS Spectre. Neil deGrasse Tyson. Loserdome Journey Around the Solar System. We're going to make a...
	Someone's going to produce this movie now.
	I'm not smelling the deodorant.
	Smelling is fun.
	Do you want to smell the deodorant?
	deodorant. We did used to do that. Smelling is fun. Yeah, smelling is sensory input. Do you want to smell the deodorant?
	No thanks. I'll save you some. I'm going to sit and smell my cigarette. I'm going to balance the cigarette on my upper lip.
	I'm going to insert cigarettes into my nostrils so every breath I take is smoking.
	Every breath you take.
	Every move you make.
	Every single day, every time I pray.
	I think I... I don't think anyone can buy water and coffee.
	You need to try it.
	I think I'm better at jail than you.
	Why?
	Dunno.
	I feel more at home here.
	Maybe in a previous life I really was a criminal.
	I think the most illegal thing I've ever done is copy music CDs.
	Illegally, when I was a teenager.
	He's copying music CDs!
	Police!
	Take him to jail!
	Are you telling on me?
	Police!
	To the internet?
	Police guards!
	I told on myself.
	Tristan copied music CDs.
	Yeah.
	Life in jail.
	I didn't even know I was 14.
	Life in jail.
	I was 14.
	Yeah.
	Admission of guilt on the internet.
	Typical **** you, isn't it?
	Typical **** you.
	What was that Irish?
	What next?
	Your girlfriend got a TikTok account.
	What was that stupid Irish band?
	Jail.
	That sang that song, C'est La Vie.
	Stupid.
	Yeah, what was that band saying?
	Stupid!
	I copied their music CD.
	Internet, if you could find that band of Irish girls that sings a song called C'est La Vie.
	I copied that music CD when I was 14.
	Uh-oh!
	Yeah.
	Bewitched!
	Bewitched!
	Somebody find them and tell them I owe them £10.
	I will pay them.
	They probably need it, mate.
	I copied their music CD from my friend at school.
	You're a fucking criminal.
	That's the most illegal thing I've ever done.
	You're a criminal.
	It's disgusting.
	I can't share a cell with you.
	I'd rather share a cell with a murderer.
	Maybe Bewitched aren't famous nowadays because the £10 they lost from me copying their music CD financially ruined them.
	They were £10 short of making their second album.
	Who else's music CD?
	Now that I'm confessing to crimes, who else's music CD is that a copy?
	Jesus has forgiven me for my sins.
	But that's the only crime I've done.
	I'm not a sinner.
	You know about human traffic?
	Us.
	An organized criminal gang was formed to take us away from our families and kids and lock us up.
	We were human trafficked.
	Agreed.
	Give me the lair.
	I might just stay in here forever.
	Think of all those cunts that, you know, Bailey, Rory, we just ignore them.
	Stay in jail permanently.
	Permanent jail.
	Never talk to them for the rest of our lives.
	How are they going to talk to me when I'm in jail and I refuse visitors?
	I'm really sorry for being witched.
	What I did was morally wrong, Edgar.
	You do owe them ten pounds.
	Now I'm sitting here in jail.
	I feel like I deserve it because I copied their music CD.
	We do need to send them ten pounds to their bank accounts.
	Okay.
	Why did you even have their CD to copy?
	Explain.
	A girl at school gave it to me and asked if I could make a copy of it for her friend.
	You're a piece of shit.
	Yeah, I know.
	You're a fucking piece of shit.
	Yeah, that's my criminal history.
	I didn't think there was anything that could stop us having a close brotherhood, but now I understand what you've been up to in your spare time.
	You're a piece of shit.
	I'm not though.
	You are.
	Un-fucking-believable.
	You deserve all of this.
	Give me a piece of paper.
	You deserve everything bad that happens to you for the rest of your life.
	Give me a piece of paper so I can do origami.
	Everything bad that happens to you for the rest of your life is fully deserved because of what you've done.
	As I sit in jail I try and wonder what I did to land myself here.
	here.
	I've got a black belt in origami, did you know that?
	Yes I do.
	I do.
	I'm not lying.
	I feel like the home run when I sit here on the floor like a depressed loser I am and fold a paper crane.
	I'm gonna use this paper crane.
	That's what you do in jail.
	Are you gonna sleep or are you gonna stay up all night smoking cigarettes and sleep during the day?
	Like we used to.
	See what happens.
	There's a lot less screaming in this jail than the previous one.
	Screaming.
	Thank you.
	Thank you.
	The greatest television series ever produced was Peep Show.
	Pink show was a great show.
	You don't know how to block out an origami.
	Bye.
	You are unaware.
	You are unaware that my origami skills are frightening. Frighteningly good.
	If I fold a paper crane, the internet has to worship me.
	Is there a fly in here?
	There's a fly in jail.
	Assassinated.
	Nice!
	One-shot kill!
	When in jail, the insects couldn't escape me.
	I killed the cockroaches.
	It's not origami if you have to rip the paper, mate.
	Yes it is, because you have to sort origami with a perfect square of paper.
	A4 is not for origami.
	Isn't it?
	No.
	It has to be a square.
	So now, Internet, I have a square of paper.
	I'm going to use this square to fold a beautiful paper swan.
	Because I am an origami black belt, as I said.
	Unlike you, who by the way is an origami loser.
	You should call it Florigami.
	I ain't gonna sit on the floor.
	And then you should sell it and call it... Plorigami?
	STORIGAMI!
	And then when someone can't afford it, you call it... Florigami.
	And then you can write folk tales about it and call it... Lorigami.
	Correct.
	And then you can shout out from the rooftops about how good you are and call it... RORIGAMI!
	And you can do it in a private jet and call it Soar Mommy.
	OK.
	There's also a joke about Hororagami in there somewhere, but I don't want to be accused of being a misogynist for making a joke.
	Yeah, I might end up in jail.
	Again.
	Men are better drivers than women.
	Sir, it's right to jail!
	Right to jail, right away.
	You think you're the jail?
	You are a loser.
	I'm a loser.
	What the fuck were you doing in jail?
	My girlfriend had TikTok.
	Your girlfriend had TikTok?
	No, human trafficker.
	Correct!
	I don't think I know a girl who doesn't have TikTok.
	Maybe everyone's human trafficked.
	Maybe everyone's a human trafficker.
	I mean, everyone does have TikTok.
	Probably.
	Probably.
	I wonder if the people doing this to us have family members with TikTok?
	Probably.
	I liked your lightbulb analogy on that Romanian TV interview.
	That was very good.
	It's true.
	It's stupid.
	What's the best way to change a lightbulb?
	Well, I'm a professional at changing lightbulbs.
	Here's how you change a lightbulb.
	Go and change the lightbulb.
	Force labor.
	You were nice to her.
	Love-boy method.
	Force labor.
	Human trafficking.
	Yep.
	That was a very good analogy, Andrew.
	It's fucking ridiculous.
	Let me make sure it's time.
	I just want you to shut up, Andrew.
	Have you?
	I'll stop telling everyone about your Star Trek movie.
	That's not a real thing, though.
	You made that up.
	I'm gonna make it real.
	We're gonna produce it.
	No.
	We are.
	You're Mr. Producer.
	I'm Mr. Producer, and I'm gonna hire an animation team to animate a Star Trek series where you, on the U.S.S.
	Spectrum, travel around on a journey of lucidum through the solar system with Neil deGrasse Tyson.
	You go to Venus because you have no penis.
	You go to Jupiter because you're stupider.
	Neil deGrasse Tyson tells you the whole time that a man wants to be a woman.
	Why do you care?
	Because that's science.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	I look forward to seeing it.
	I admit it.
	I'm going to do it. When that's Will you admit that I made the movie? I will admit it. I'm going to do it. You can't stop me.
	The only way to stop me is to kill me in the cell before I let me out.
	Good luck sleeping.
	Okay.
	I think it was a bit too thick for Oregon.
	And the excuses come!
	Didn't take fucking long, did it, Mr. Fucking Origami?
	Now you're coming up with excuses already.
	What next?
	What next, dickhead?
	Come on!
	What next?
	Cunt.
	I wonder everyone fucking hates you.
	You're universally despised.
	Nobody on this planet has ever said a good word about you, ever.
	Well, also that's true.
	Millions of people are, all the time.
	Oh, by the way, while people are listening to us, if you ever send me a message that starts with Day 3 of trying to get your attention, I want you to understand that thousands of people are doing that, and I will immediately block you.
	The only acknowledgement you might get is a block.
	Day 26 of trying to tell the tellers, man, my shit business idea.
	Shut up.
	I wish you luck out there in the world.
	Don't waste my time.
	I'm a businessman.
	I've got business plans.
	So, Theodore Davis.
	That's all I am going to say.
	Escape.
	I have my hands full.
	We can do this, we can drive here.
	I'm going to be bewitched when I see them.
	What would you do if bewitched were waiting for you outside jail to beat you up?
	I'd just let them beat me up.
	Like, we get out of here, okay?
	Three Irish ladies come up.
	They'd be old now, wouldn't they?
	Yeah, they would.
	Middle-aged Irish women.
	Middle-aged Irish women who are very angry you stole £10 from them back in 2001 and decided to beat the living shit out of you.
	And I agree with them, so I don't help you.
	What would you do?
	How would you defend yourself?
	Well, if anyone attacked me, I guess I'd have to defend myself.
	I don't think I'd have to try very hard.
	I have competently folded a paper swan.
	Can you admit that I have a black belt in origami?
	I think I just win.
	Such a loser.
	You would deserve that though.
	I have competently folded a paper swan.
	Can you admit that I have a black belt in origami?
	Just admit that you can't do that and I have a black belt in origami.
	Admit it to the fucking world!
	You doubted me.
	You said, and I quote, Tristan, you will never competently fold a paper swan ever.
	End quote.
	Andrew Tate, 2023.
	Just before this live stream started.
	That's what you said.
	And here I stand, triumphant in my achievement at folding a perfectly made paper swan.
	I want you to have this, Andrew.
	As a symbol of all the things you'll never achieve.
	As a symbol to the nobody that you'll always be.
	I know you're angry, right?
	That is what happens when you try and become something in life.
	The Matrix beats you down.
	Yeah, let's set a fire.
	Fuck you, Swan.
	Let's burn our way out of here.
	Let's set the whole place on fire.
	Fuck this, Swan.
	We really need... Tristan, hear me out.
	What if the Swan is the first thing we explode with our new explosive coffee?
	He's unburnable.
	Tristan, we need to mix hot water with instant coffee.
	It's never been done before.
	We create a super more powerful explosive than a nuclear bomb and blow our way out of here.
	Koffenheimer.
	Smart.
	Super smart.
	I think we should at least try it.
	Poor Swan.
	All he wanted was...
	you to acknowledge that I am the master of origami and you'll never ever, ever, ever amount to anything. Nothing you've ever done in your life tops the achievement of me making a paper swan. Live to the internet. How jealous are you on a scale of 1 to 10?
	10.
	10.
	Sucks to be you, doesn't it?
	Little Mr. Andrew, sitting there with a minute piece of paper in his hand, wishing it was a swan, but unable to fold it into one because you're a bumbly-handed loser who can't competently fold paper.
	I admit, if you can't do origami, you are a loser if you can't fold paper.
	You can't even fold a piece of paper in half.
	That's how shit you are.
	You couldn't fold a piece of A4 paper into two.
	That's how shit you are at origami.
	The single worst man that's ever existed at the ancient martial art of origami.
	Fucking embarrassing.
	How could I, the great Tristan Tate origami legend of the internet and the world, have a brother like you?
	You're right.
	That paper is coated with plastic.
	It stinks.
	You're right.
	I admit that I'm shit at origami because I can't fold paper.
	You can't even fold a piece of paper in half.
	I'm having a crisis.
	A life crisis.
	You can't fold one piece of paper in half.
	I can't make a stupid crane out of paper like you.
	Yes, exactly.
	I'm a loser.
	No, I know you are.
	I'm fully aware.
	What am I gonna do about this? Will you teach me how?
	No. My origami knowledge cannot be passed on to losers like you.
	You will never know how to do that.
	Ever, ever, ever.
	You have one chance in life to watch me do it and to try to competently copy me, and you fail.
	And I'm going to try to do it.
	I'm going to try to do it.
	And I'm going to try to do it.
	Thank you.
	You're officially Porigami.
	I'm Porigami.
	You're right.
	I'm Porigami.
	I'm officially Porigami.
	Yeah, I know you are.
	I'm devastated, Tristan.
	Yeah, I bet.
	It must hurt to be that big of a loser.
	Ah!
	Apicalda!
	Yep.
	What's a mess?
	Apicalda's arrived!
	Woo!
	So, when Apicalda's here, do you want to talk him through the Apicalda system while I prepare the Apicalda and the Pigeon Pie?
	We can talk about it.
	We can talk about the Apicalda system.
	I think we need to open the window, though.
	In jail, we did have a small window to open.
	We did have a window to open.
	And that paper swamp stinks.
	Yeah, that paper, it stinks like plastic in here because of your bullshit salon project.
	Bullshit.
	That's just the man who can't do it.
	If it's so bullshit, how come you can't do it?
	Go on, explain the Apicalda system, I'll get the towel.
	When Apicalda shows up, you have to get the towel, first thing.
	Andrew, do you want to explain this?
	I'm an origami loser and I can no longer talk.
	I hate my life.
	So what you do is, when you get hot water, or apicala as we call it in jail, when you're institutionalized like me, you take one bottle and you wrap it in a towel to maintain the heat.
	The heat of the apicalda needs to be maintained.
	So you wrap it up in a towel, and that way you have apicalda for later.
	One.
	My trusty Bible.
	And then we have an avocado to use.
	So I'm going to make tea and instant noodles.
	Tea and ramen.
	Exactly.
	That's what we did, didn't we?
	We got avocado, we made instant noodles.
	Exactly.
	It is what we did, isn't it?
	It's all coming back to me.
	I'd love some noodles.
	I want some noodles.
	Well, we haven't got bowls, we forgot, so we have to make them into cups.
	Nice.
	Cup of noodles.
	This is going to melt with the hot water.
	You think?
	No, no, no, I think cups are OK.
	So we've got one bottle wrapped, so we've got two hours more where that water stays hot.
	Yeah, you wrap it in a towel and you've got two hours.
	Noodles in a cup!
	They taste so good to eat!
	Noodles in a cup!
	The tasty prison treats!
	I make my noodles with hot water and they taste so great!
	I'm in jail!
	For no reason.
	Because I'm Tristan Tate.
	Oh, Jesus.
	They sent us to jail.
	Woo!
	Noodles in a cup!
	I eat them in my cell.
	Noodles in a cup.
	Goes down very well.
	Is this going to melt the cup?
	Noodles in a cup!
	This bottle's fuckin' hot.
	Thanks for watching!
	Please like and subscribe!
	Bye.
	This is going to melt the cup.
	It's gonna melt the cup unless you stain noodles in a cup.
	Noodles in a cup!
	You can double up the cups, bro.
	Then when the first cup melts into plastic-y goodness, we can just ingest the plastic toxins.
	We have paper cups for tea.
	We ingest the plastic toxins to add to our powers and become men of cybernetic organisms.
	The whole cup's... the cup's collapsing!
	We're gonna destroy ourselves.
	The cup is melting.
	I told you it would.
	Shit.
	Fuck.
	Why don't we have bowls?
	In jail we had a bowl.
	I know, but we forgot one.
	There's a bowl here.
	because they've got tea bags in it. But this bowl wouldn't be allowed in there because it's made out of something you can break and kill with.
	I'll use the bowl first.
	Ah, bowl hog, eh?
	Yeah.
	Always had you down as a bowl hog.
	Never had you down as much else, to be honest.
	All these years I've known ya.
	As the only man who could competently do or about a year.
	I knew there was something suspicious about you all these years.
	Didn't know it was because you were a fucking bowl hog.
	I'm a music CD copying bowl hogger.
	That's right.
	You're a music CD copying bowl hogger.
	You owe Bewitched ten pounds.
	Can someone let the internet know that Tristan owes Bewitched ten pounds?
	Wait till that goes viral and you're fucked, mate.
	I can't wait till those three old Irish ladies kick the living fuck out of you.
	That's what you deserve.
	It's not.
	It is.
	I'm not a bad person.
	You are a bad person.
	I can't wait to get the shit kicked out of you.
	They're not going to get the shit out of me.
	Noodles in a cup!
	I think they're going to forgive me.
	When they find out what I've done.
	I don't think they're going to forgive you.
	When they find out all that I've done.
	They're never going to forgive you.
	I don't think they're ever going to forgive you for what you did.
	I don't think they will.
	I don't think they will.
	Letting me understand how young and stupid living a life of crime is.
	Everyone makes mistakes.
	It is so fucking hot in here.
	I realized something.
	The other day when we sentenced Rory to two and a half hours in jail and made him stay in here, technically have we actually human trafficked someone now?
	Thanks Joe.
	Decaux.
	Noodles in a cup.
	Tastes of frozen tea.
	Noodles in a cup.
	Tastes of frozen tea.
	You can't make noodles in a cup because the cup melts.
	You can't.
	Because you're not man enough.
	I'm going to double my cups up.
	You're just going to melt the cup around the other cup.
	I don't live in fucking fear like some USS Spectrum Jupiter piece of shit.
	With his ol' fuckin' first mate.
	Happy Homo.
	You're definitely gonna ruin the cups.
	Oh no, don't ruin the plastic cups.
	What are we gonna do?
	You should've asked the prison guards to bring out a bowl.
	We're allowed bowls.
	We had bowls in jail.
	It was an oversight by those who sent them.
	Then I have to make a whole new song.
	You think I have time to just invent these songs off the top of my head with all the fuckin' brilliance that goes into them?
	Prison guards, please bring us a bowl.
	We're allowed bowls.
	It was a oversight.
	Noodles in a cup!
	Stop doing that.
	You're not going to successfully make noodles out of that.
	They don't go in a bowl!
	No bowl.
	Noodle- See?
	No bowl.
	Prison guard said.
	Noodles in a cup!
	Never gets old.
	Don't go in a bowl.
	Or I was in a bowl.
	Bowl old.
	Soul.
	Noodles in a cup.
	Good for your soul.
	Noodles in a cup.
	Never in a bowl.
	Noodles in a cup.
	Tristan can get fucked.
	Fucked kind of rhymes with cup.
	Noodles in a cup!
	Don't eat them from a bowl!
	Noodles in a cup!
	You are so jealous.
	I've said noodles in a cup too many times.
	I have to work on it, but we're gonna get there.
	We're not.
	We are.
	It's gonna be the new intro to emergency meetings.
	Noodles in a cup.
	Noodles in a cup.
	Every foot of the soul.
	Noodles in a cup.
	Don't eat them from a bowl.
	Noodles in the cup.
	You are so jealous.
	You're a monumental failure in all aspects of your life.
	You can't fold a paper crane.
	You're in jail, mate.
	You can't give anyone life advice.
	You're in jail.
	At least I'm eating noodles from a cup like I fucking promised myself.
	At least I don't go back on my own word.
	Like a fucking coward.
	I'm a man of my word.
	What the fuck have you ever achieved?
	You little bull.
	Fucking girl.
	We didn't put on a tutu, princess.
	Enough of you and your shit.
	We actually stay in here 24 hours.
	Bye.
	Bro, we're staying in here 92 days.
	We're not.
	Noodles in a cup.
	I wonder what they want.
	I mean, you're a bit jealous.
	Just a tiny 1%, tiny.
	Be honest.
	Be honest with yourself.
	Be honest with God.
	Everyone's watching.
	Your ancestors are watching you.
	Now is your chance to be honest to your ancestors and admit that a part of you, no matter how small, is a little bit jealous of what I've achieved.
	I'm angry that I didn't pull it off.
	Of course.
	Of course you fucking are.
	That was your chance to be a somebody.
	You could have been a someone.
	You could have mattered.
	Your name could have been worth something.
	They said you fucked it all up for what, a bowl?
	Cunt.
	I wonder what people expected from watching this livestream.
	I don't- I think they expected us to basically be streaming, talking to them and- This is jail.
	This is all we did in jail.
	The authentic jail experience.
	You have to turn your brain off and become a retard, otherwise you can't survive.
	It's a very low input environment, so you need to make sure that your brainwaves operate at the lowest possible frequency.
	And sing stupid songs.
	So you can get maximum entertainment.
	From nothing.
	You can get maximum entertainment from nothing.
	I feel very happy.
	I'd actually say, I won't say it right now.
	I feel very happy deep inside.
	You know, in the outside world, I need a beautiful girl, a sports car, Cigar, millions of dollars, nice suit, etc to feel happy.
	But now I feel deeply happy inside with noodles in a cup because you failed.
	I feel great!
	Watching you fail so monumentally, like the piece of shit you are.
	Princess Bowl Boy.
	Watching you be Princess Bowl Boy while I succeed.
	Beautiful.
	You made a pot noodle.
	I've done something you could not do.
	Because I'm a winner.
	And what's the opposite of a winner, Tristan?
	A loser.
	Thank you.
	Don't mind if I do.
	You drink it from a bowl.
	Loser.
	You're never going to financially recover from this.
	I guess all the super chat money is going to take pledge.
	I bet no one's watching us.
	I bet we're doing this for no reason.
	Something about the cup gives me flavor. I don't think that's true. I think you made that up. A clear plastic cup does not have flavor. It does because when the plastic melts, all the fumes and chemicals get into the noodles. That's why I'm the bionic man. I'm your little princess bowl boy.
	Captain plastic.
	I'm a bionic human now.
	I'm a cybernetic organism, and you're a princess.
	That's because of how you made your noodles.
	What do you have to say about that?
	I don't give a shit.
	Bet you do.
	Deep down, in your heart, in your soul.
	I think you're just trying to deflect, because you're deeply insecure about the origami incident.
	You're trying to claim some victory with your little cup, because you couldn't fold a piece of paper in half.
	I folded a cup around my noodles and absorbed the chemicals.
	You can't do that, princess.
	Yes.
	You can't do that.
	You've been the subject of a Truman Show style experiment where we create the biggest loser on earth.
	And you have passed the test flawlessly.
	The final test, the chance you redeem yourself, was for you to make noodles in a fucking cup.
	How hard can it be to make noodles in a fucking cup?
	You just put noodles in a cup, put water in a fucking cup, and you fucked it up.
	A pussy that became Princess Bow Boy.
	And the whole fucking world knows it.
	Nobody's gonna ever forget, when they see you on the street, it's what they're gonna call you.
	Hey Tristan, you ever been to fucking Jupiter?
	Do you have a bow?
	You're never gonna live this down, ever.
	For the rest of your life, until you finally fucking kill yourself.
	More ducks on the farm in the forest.
	A hunter comes in.
	And he's eating in a cup.
	It's the simple pleasures in life.
	Simple pleasures in life.
	I'll make you a cup of tea because I am your friend.
	You want to redeem yourself for the bowl incident?
	I'll make you one. Would you like one? Here you go, man.
	Here's a nice cup of tea.
	There's no trick. I'll make you a cup of tea because I am your friend.
	You want to redeem yourself for the bowl incident, huh?
	No, no. No, I think you're retarded and you're losing your mind.
	In jail.
	You've lost your mind.
	Remember when we used to open the Quran to a random verse and find joy and truth?
	Yeah, we do that again.
	The random verse.
	But you'd only do it once a day, because you didn't want to... didn't know how long we'd be in there.
	Didn't want to use all the verses.
	Thought we might be in there forever.
	He said, I put the Quran on a random page and it was always something inspiring.
	Noodles on a cotton ball.
	He said, I put the Quran on a random page and it was always something inspiring.
	Nice cup of tea.
	Ah.
	Ah.
	Some water.
	Remember the time you fucked up the shop and you didn't order enough water but we got loads of hot sauce instead?
	Hot sauce is not more important than water.
	It is.
	I don't think it is, I think you made that up.
	Where do I think I am?
	I almost opened a new pack of cigarettes but I've got a half-smoked cigarette here.
	Remember the blue bin bags?
	That pissed me off.
	You actually have mental problems.
	I think you have depression.
	I think you have depression.
	Bye.
	Are you listening?
	Ah, ramen noodles, slightly crunchy.
	From a cup.
	To each his own, mate.
	I'm not gonna stick by your bowl decision.
	You say potato, I say potahto.
	Let's call the whole thing off.
	It's going to be a massacre.
	What other legal things have I actually done?
	I'll confess my crimes to the internet.
	No, Tristan.
	It's going to be a massacre.
	Those three old Irish ladies are going to beat the shit out of you.
	They're not.
	You don't stand a chance.
	You don't stand a fucking chance.
	Why did I copy that CD?
	It was on the floor.
	Stop!
	Stop!
	They'll be doing Irish dancing.
	Riverdance.
	You know, I'll be saying.
	Uh-oh!
	Because you're going to beat up so bad?
	Like, uh-oh?
	I get it.
	And then the Irish dance on your head.
	Can you admit that the Sugar Babes beat you up?
	Can you admit that Girls Aloud beat you up?
	Can you admit that you got beaten up by Eunice Churchill?
	Bob Ross.
	I think that baby spice beat you up. Who would have thought you were Bob Ross? Bob Ross was a G.
	What do you call a man with no friends who eats his noodles out of a bowl?
	Tristan.
	What do you call the biggest loser in jail?
	What do you call a man who put ash on his t-shirt and burned himself while laying in jail smoking a cigarette?
	What do you call a man who has a gun and is a bad liar?
	What?
	Ah, the plastic chemicals are starting to kill you.
	From your noodles in a cup fiasco.
	I do feel a bit sick in my stomach from eating the plastic-y noodles.
	I'm not gonna lie.
	Good.
	I think the plastic melted the cup, the boiling water melted the cup, and all the plasticky noodles I ingested are now back to punish me.
	So you failed in life.
	I do feel awful.
	Are spoonfuls of coffee and then plastic fumes, or plastic chemicals, is that bad for you?
	It's a good jail diet, mate.
	Maintains you.
	During the long, cold nights of jail.
	Does it?
	I remember I had a cough for two months when I first got to jail because it was freezing cold.
	and I try not to cough in court and fail.
	Going to sleep.
	Court in the morning.
	They might release us.
	Goodnight, loser.
	Can't turn the lights off, just like real jail.
	There was a system where we could put a t-shirt in front of the lightbulb.
	That kind of worked.
	Oh, man.
	You're not fucking smart.
	Not here.
	Yeah, you put a light, you can do it there.
	Fuck you.
	As the biggest winner in this jail cell and the origami black belt champion of the world, I want to tell you that you are a shit person.
	Agreed.
	Everything about you Andrew, I might stop talking to you because I think you're a misogynist, and I think that you shouldn't be telling young men to go to the gym because it's dangerous, and it comes with a side of misogyny.
	Shit.
	Forget eating a cigar.
	Fuck!
	Misogynist.
	You worked it out!
	Journalistic genius!
	I have a nice car and I smoke a cigar!
	Worst man in the world!
	Yeah.
	Thanks!
	Yeah.
	Comes with a side of misogyny.
	That comes with a side of misogyny.
	Thanks, lesbian.
	Did you see that policewoman?
	Who got called a lesbian by a 16-year-old autistic girl and they bundled her with eight police officers and manhandled her into the back of a car.
	Failed society, bro.
	Failed society.
	Why are you in jail?
	Because I said a policewoman looks like a lesbian.
	Here's what I think they should do.
	Ask her if she actually is.
	Because if she is one, then fuck off.
	You know what I mean?
	You've been told I look like a man.
	Neil deGrasse Tyson would disagree.
	Could you do 10 star jumps?
	If I wanted to, yeah.
	Go on then.
	No.
	I can't.
	Why'd you say you could if you can't?
	Because I can't.
	I don't have any legs.
	I don't have any legs either.
	I don't even have a face.
	My legs are fake and they always have been.
	That's why I'm 6'4", because I got to choose my own prosthetic leg size.
	You know?
	My arms are fake.
	My brain doesn't exist.
	My real brain was taken out when I was three years old and replaced with Jell-O.
	Is that why you're such a funny fellow?
	It's why you're Jell.
	Is that why you can play the cello?
	It's why your voice is loud as a loud bellow.
	Is that why we're in a cello?
	Is that why you say hello?
	Why have we put ourselves in jail?
	What rhymes with chair?
	Hair?
	Wrong!
	Typical answer from a loser.
	Wrong.
	What rhymes with bed?
	Nothing.
	wrong. What rhymes with jail?
	I don't know.
	Have you ever been to Planet?
	Planet Fitness.
	Obviously not.
	Can you admit that your favorite food is Chuck E. Cheese Pizza?
	Well, if you were an animal, what animal would you be?
	Thank you.
	Bye.
	I think you'd be a worm.
	Why?
	Because you're pathetic.
	You're contemptible.
	You're worm-like.
	If you were an animal, I think you'd be a chicken.
	Why?
	Because you're a chicken.
	Because you're scared of everything.
	Why is everyone crying in jail?
	Thank you.
	Because it's depressing.
	I didn't cry in jail.
	Frankly, I quite enjoyed jail.
	What did you enjoy about it?
	Cigarettes.
	Noodles in a bowl.
	Noodles in a bowl?! !
	Dumb cunt.
	Andrew, in jail we ate noodles from bowls.
	But things have changed.
	Now noodles go in cups.
	No they don't.
	They do.
	I don't feel like that's something... Then how the fuck is there a song about it if it's not real?
	I don't feel like that's the consensus of the earth.
	I think that's something you just made up.
	And I'm never gonna eat again.
	Plastic noodles have no taste.
	It's not easy to pretend.
	Tristan is a fool.
	Should've known better than to call a friend.
	Cause he can't make noodles in a cup.
	My song doesn't have to rhyme.
	Because you are a dork.
	Dork! I feel like we brought the word dork back.
	Thank you.
	From now on I sing songs at you that don't rhyme.
	From now on I speak only in beeps.
	How will I understand you?
	Beep beep beep beep.
	Beep beep beep beep beep.
	beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep
	beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep I said I want to go to Italy and drive my supercar around the Almaty coast.
	You didn't understand me though, did you?
	Because you're a fucking idiot.
	For now I talk only in yawns.
	I've got a really good business idea.
	Are you listening?
	I've got a business idea where I can make millions.
	You listening?
	What I do is I take out insurance against you.
	And then I push you off of a bridge.
	Did you hear me?
	I could become rich beyond my wildest dreams.
	How high is the bridge?
	Six feet, but you're weak.
	so you die.
	In Unimitha my hands are made of solid gold.
	I am a warrior.
	Thank you.
	Why is a fireman called a fireman?
	Because he puts out fires.
	So why are police not called crime men?
	Why are doctors not called sick men?
	Why are ice cream men not called ice cream men?
	A man is dying in his bed, and his two sons are by his side.
	And the man says, I leave all of my wealth to whichever one of my sons has the slowest horse.
	They race horses a hundred times, but no man wants to win the race, so their horses just stand there.
	They go and consult a wise man in the village.
	about how to deal with this threat, how to deal with this situation.
	And on their way home, they're both riding as fast as they can.
	What advice did the wise man give them?
	Make your noodles in a cup.
	This blanket is soundproof and I no longer hear you.
	And I'm never going to...
	NO!
	PLEASE!
	NO!
	SHUT UP!
	GO!
	NO!
	SHUT UP!
	NO!
	PLEASE!
	PLEASE!
	10 out of 10 for accuracy.
	Sounds about right.
	Someone's getting their ass kicked.
	Yeah, that did happen quite often in jail.
	Remember when you got your ass kicked?
	I wonder what he's getting his ass kicked for.
	Refusing to listen.
	That's the thing about jail, people are always getting their ass kicked, but I don't understand the point of fighting the guards, because you're not going to get out of jail, so you just get your ass kicked and stay in jail.
	Yeah.
	The guards did beat people up.
	Within the legal ramifications of what they're allowed to, I imagine.
	But people did try to fight the guards, yeah.
	Why?
	I don't know.
	Fun?
	Imagine you're never getting out.
	Is that what you're going to sound like when Bewitched beat the living fuck out of you?
	And I'm never going to jail again.
	Tristan makes noodles in a bowl.
	And he has only got one friend who thinks gender's a spectrum.
	They're right around the solar system in a shit.
	He goes to Venus, he has no penis.
	This is gonna become a viral hit.
	I'll produce it for YouTube.
	YouTube!
	YouTube's shit.
	Say rumble.
	Don't interrupt my ** ** off!
	Sick of this jail cell.
	Sick of this jail cell, sick of you.
	Old McJail had a farm, E-I-E-I-O.
	And in that jail was Tristan Tate, E-I-E-I-O.
	With a bowl, bowl here and a bowl, bowl there.
	Bowl here, bowl there.
	Scare of noodles in a cup.
	Old McJail had a farm.
	Tristan is a nerd.
	I'm replacing my brain with jello.
	Did you hear me?
	I'd give my all to have my noodles in a cup.
	I'd give my life to feel the plastic in my food.
	And I can't go on living in Eating my noodles from a bowl, while I dip my own noodles in a cup.
	Four noodles in a cup.
	I'm gonna make another fucking noodles in a cup right now in your fucking face!
	I don't care what you do.
	You won't do a fucking thing about it!
	I don't care what you do.
	I dare you!
	I'm gonna see if it smokes.
	Cops!
	I don't care what you do.
	You're uninteresting and unfunny.
	Try me!
	I've had enough of you and your bullshit in this jail.
	I don't even want to hear it.
	Do something about it, we can both die tonight.
	Throw a melon hose in all the cops.
	See you in jail everyone.
	It doesn't mean every house you buy, any time in the future, anywhere, has to have a jail room.
	Is that the case?
	I bet no one's watching you.
	You're basically uninteresting.
	And Russia With Love is the best book ever written.
	And I...
	I have news in a car.
	Woo-hoo!
	You are such a fucking monumental loser.
	I don't know how you fucking sleep at night.
	Probably on your little spaceship.
	You got a nice little comfy bed on your little princess spaceship with your bowls.
	You and Neil.
	Well, got a nice little comfy bed.
	You got a little blankie.
	Dickhead.
	Blankets are a spectrum.
	Fuck you.
	And your crew.
	Who's on your crew?
	you Neil deGrasse Tyson. F***g... M***! All your mates.
	Tristan's shit.
	Your friends are not shit.
	Your friends are not shit.
	You invited him to the house.
	You invited him to this house.
	That means he is your friend.
	He was your guest, he's your mate. I don't know him.
	I hope he knows that his new documentary is going to be...
	it's going to completely fail.
	Who the fuck's going to watch his new documentary?
	Fuck you!
	Matt Shea and the BBC.
	What, the Batty Boy Corporation?
	And now... You say you want me... Well just to prove you do... You need to make noodles in a cup... Nah, you shouldn't have done that.
	It should have been...
	So why don't you make me some noodle?
	Make me some noodle.
	Yeah, then comes the end.
	See, it's complicated, these songs.
	So much is easy.
	You can't just start making them off the top of your head and just singing random shit.
	I thought I felt bad from the plastic he fumes, but really I was becoming a cybernetic organism.
	And now that my stomach feels a little bit better, I need more plastic to become more cybernetic.
	So that I, when the machines come, I'll be the only one who can fight against them, because I'll be half machine, half man.
	Like a Terminator.
	Do you understand?
	Did you hear me sneeze?
	You didn't say bless you.
	I guarantee the bowl has not made you a cybernetic organ.
	You didn't say bless you when I sneezed.
	How dare you.
	How dare you not say bless you when I sneezed?
	Mmm. Fantastic. I can hear they're crunchy.
	I can hear the crunch.
	So can everyone watching.
	I'm a ramen king.
	I'm going to give you a chance to win.
	When I get out of jail, I'm gonna buy an Aston Martin DB6.
	I'm gonna drive around Florence, Italy in my DB6.
	When I get out of jail, I'm gonna go back to jail.
	Well that's what we fucking did, isn't it?
	When I get out of jail, I'm going to go to Switzerland and buy an obnoxiously large diamond for no reason.
	When I get out of jail, I'm feeling my bones become Terminator.
	The real plot twist is that if I don't eat these noodles and become a cybernetic organism, I'm not going to be able to stop USS Spectrum when it tries to attack the Flat Earth.
	The plot's unfolding.
	Since the beginning of this jail stint, we've learned that the Earth is flat, that you're going to be on the USS Spectrum and be able to grasp Tyson and go to Venus because you have no penis, and you're eventually going to attack the flat Earth, and it's going to take a cybernetic organism to defeat you, which is me, because I had noodles from a cup, and you can't beat me because you don't have the powers because you ate your noodles from a bowl!
	Do not make that TV show.
	Oh, I'm going to make it, baby.
	We're going to make it.
	We're going to animate all of it.
	I travelled through time once.
	Did you know that there's a time portal hidden in Bucharest?
	Where you can go into it, hear me out, and just pass long periods of time and teleport yourself into the future as the same person, but older.
	Look at this thing.
	It's called jail.
	You go in there, okay, and you're 34 years old.
	And you pass through time while inside jail using your Aikido.
	You can open up the time portal.
	And for every day you spend in jail, listen, you can come out later, but one day older than you were before.
	Good system, innit?
	Are you listening?
	I passed 92 delightful days doing that.
	I didn't have 92 days of my life stolen from me, away from my children and my family.
	Now that didn't happen.
	I was voluntarily meditating for 90- by 92 days.
	So when I came out, I was older.
	You know, like when you put whiskey in a barrel and you age it, yeah?
	And you take the whiskey out and it's older.
	That's what happens when I go to jail.
	Oh, Mr. Big Talk can't finish his noodles.
	My stomach has to adjust to plastic.
	How are you ever going to become a silicone-based life form with a computer brain powered by silicone chips if you don't ingest enough plastic?
	I am.
	I just have to do it slowly because my weak biological form cannot control, cannot handle all the chemicals at once, so I have to do it slowly as I transform into a cybernetic organism.
	You know what I think?
	I think that I am not human at all.
	I think that I am a bird.
	Matrix tech.
	Why are you a bird?
	I just think I might be a bird, you know?
	I feel like species is on a spectrum.
	And last time I checked, I read somewhere, somewhere, that in this country we have the pursuit of happiness.
	Why?
	Is it so important that you don't accept me seeing species on a spectrum?
	Well, sorry, I'm a fucking bird.
	Get with the program.
	I'm a fly.
	You might be a fly.
	I'm a fly with the body of a human, but I'm a really special unique case because I also have the head of a human.
	That's interesting.
	I've got a car outside, right?
	It's a Bugatti, right?
	With the body of a Lada and the engine and the wheels of a Lada.
	But it was a Bugatti originally.
	I just changed the parts.
	Smart.
	Super smart.
	So it's a Bugatti.
	No one can say it isn't.
	But it's just got the body of a Lada.
	Oh, for fuck's sake.
	He got ya.
	No way.
	You got ya.
	This was the song that I was listening to at New Year's Eve.
	Bro, at New Year's Eve.
	As the clock struck twelve.
	I was in the part of the jail I didn't hear it.
	This was the most depressing moment of my life.
	This was my exact New Year's Eve, right?
	We didn't even have any cigarettes yet on New Year's Eve.
	They got ya.
	We didn't even have any cigarettes yet on New Year's Eve.
	Thank you.
	Happy New Year, Andrew.
	Happy New Year.
	That was the most depressing New Year's Eve ever.
	It was that song playing down the hall.
	Whoa, what do you mean?
	It's perfectly fine to look as a Jew.
	That was the worst New Year's Eve I've ever seen.
	Now I'm genuinely upset in my heart and soul.
	I'm telling you, I'm sad. I need more plastic. I need more chemicals.
	Maybe you should kill yourself.
	I can't kill myself. I'm a cybernetic organism. I can't let myself terminate.
	But in jail, to make it authentic, because you know people try to kill themselves in jail, one of us should attempt suicide.
	I can't let myself terminate.
	Yeah, I would never kill myself.
	Just like Jeffrey Epstein.
	I'm thinking of changing my name.
	I'm thinking of changing my name.
	Fernand Mondego.
	Thank you.
	I think that's a good name.
	Are you listening?
	No.
	I'm deeply upset because I've just heard that song.
	That song brings back the worst memories ever.
	Good.
	Why don't you cut yourself?
	What should I cut myself with?
	Dunno.
	Take a piece of the bed, chain it, turn it into a shank.
	What should I cut?
	I'm gonna make a shank and stab you.
	Fair enough.
	We are in jail.
	Can I make a shank out of this?
	No, Tristan.
	Thank you.
	I said, ah hey, ah ha, ah hey.
	Yes?
	Yes? Well? I want to apologize to you.
	Thank you.
	For what?
	I'm sorry for making fun of you.
	For eating your noodles from a bowl.
	Why?
	Did you feel sick, man?
	Nothing to do with it.
	I'm also sorry for saying that you are going to get a spaceship, take Neil deGrasse Tyson as your second in command, travel the solar system on a bruiser tour, then visit Venus because you have no penis, then visit Jupiter because you're stupid.
	I accept your apology.
	I'm sorry for those things.
	Sorry for everything I've ever done.
	I feel reflected now that I've been tortured with that song.
	I need to go back and repent for all the bad things I said.
	I'm sorry that I once copied Bewitch's music CD.
	I'm sorry that I told the world that... Not told the world.
	I'm sorry that I told you that the entire world is fake, and it's just one big version of the Truman Show designed to watch you so that we can eventually determine the fact that you're a loser because you ate your noodles from a bowl after 35 years of observation.
	I thought you made that up.
	That didn't sound accurate.
	I made it up.
	I'm sorry.
	I'll go apologize to you too, for a while.
	Sorry for wasting your time with my fake duck story.
	There was no joke there.
	I'm sorry that I embarrassed you in front of the world by demonstrating your lack of origami prowess.
	I am sorry that I landed us in this mess and got us in jail by copying the music CD of Be Witch when I was 14 years old.
	21 years ago.
	I'm sorry for that as well.
	I'm also extremely sorry that You poisoned yourself with noodles from a plastic cup.
	It was my idea to use those cups.
	And if you die from plastic poisoning, I am responsible.
	I'm sorry.
	It's okay.
	I'm sorry for this.
	Thank you.
	I am sorry.
	I think I might be Japanese.
	You know?
	I think I might be Japanese.
	I'm not sure.
	Thank you.
	There's a hero if you look inside yourself.
	No, there isn't.
	Our jail friends are still in jail, Andrew.
	We're still in jail.
	You're in jail.
	How long has this been going on?
	How long has jail been going on?
	All your friends and their fancy persuasions will tell you to eat from a bowl.
	But they're only lying, and you just do as you're told.
	Noodles taste much better from a cup, no matter what they say.
	And if it makes me eventually throw up, I'll do it again anyway.
	How long has this been going on?
	I'm going to sleep.
	No sleeping until I make you go to bed.
	I admit it.
	Say it!
	I admit that you have no head.
	Gotcha.
	Finally.
	I gotcha because it was a trick, because I do have a head.
	And you fell for it.
	Shit.
	Finally, you fucking dumbass.
	Now everyone knows you're fucking stupid and gullible.
	What next?
	Vaccine?
	How can you believe I have no head?
	I clearly have a fucking head, you dumb cunt.
	I'm getting vaccinated tomorrow.
	I'm scared of COVID.
	I want the vaccine.
	I want the vaccine.
	I knew it would make a throw up.
	I need to lay back down and become more cybernetic, and I need some more...
	Plasticy noodles. My weak biological form is resisting cybernetic transformation.
	Ah, I must fight against it with my Aikido.
	I'm the Count of Monte Cristo.
	Tristan.
	This is a voice inside your head.
	Tristan.
	Thank you.
	This is your ancestor speaking from the spirit realm.
	We're disappointed in you.
	That was funny.
	Oh, nothing.
	The voices in my head tell me something.
	What'd they tell you?
	That my ancestors disappointed me.
	Why would they tell you?
	Why would your ancestors tell you that?
	Dunno, because my brothers are losers.
	Nah, they must be disappointed in you.
	No, I think they're disappointed in me because of the way you turned out.
	Interesting.
	Admit that you're a skateboard.
	That's it.
	Admit you're a skateboard.
	How could I possibly be a skateboard?
	Skateboards have four wheels, yeah?
	You have two hands and two feet.
	Skateboards are for losers.
	You are a loser.
	Did you hear me?
	Can you admit that you are a mattress?
	Thanks.
	Thank you.
	Thank you.
	Can you admit that if you were any food item in the world, you'd be a sandwich?
	Why?
	Because you're full of shit.
	You'd be a shit sandwich.
	Tristan.
	I might stay in jail forever.
	Tristan.
	I might never leave.
	Responsibilities, work, kids, family.
	I might just set myself on fire.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	Where'd you get that idea from?
	I don't know.
	Voices in my head.
	Why would they want you to set yourself on fire?
	Because I'm stupid and ugly.
	You're stupid and ugly.
	It just picks my brain.
	Set yourself on fire.
	The world will be a better place when you're gone.
	I think the world would be a better place if I was gone, Andrew.
	Don't say that.
	That's a horrible thing to say.
	The world wants you gone.
	Nobody will miss you.
	Andrew, this is the voice inside your head.
	I'm going to sleep.
	Good night.
	Bye.
	I'm always hearing voices.
	Fuck off.
	Tristan.
	You belong in jail.
	I'm a bird.
	Tristan.
	Everybody's waiting for you to set yourself on fire.
	If you don't do it, you're going to disappoint millions of people.
	Okay.
	Tristan, don't disappoint the world.
	We're waiting for you in the spirit world.
	Mm-hmm.
	Tristan, you have no friends.
	Everyone talks about you behind your back.
	There's very long, detailed conversations about how they hate you.
	Nobody loves you, Tristan.
	Yeah, I know.
	It's cool.
	It's fine.
	It's fine.
	What's fine?
	What are you talking about?
	Everything's fine.
	Nobody loves me.
	It's fine.
	Why are you saying that?
	Because it's just true.
	How'd you find that out?
	because I just realized it.
	Tristan, don't tell Andrew what I'm telling you.
	Thank you.
	I Otherwise, he'll know that you can speak to the Ancestors.
	Andrew, the Ancestors told me not to tell you I can speak to them.
	Can you talk to them?
	What do they say?
	They say you're a loser.
	Andrew is not a loser.
	Ancestors are wrong.
	Have you ever considered setting yourself on fire?
	Yeah.
	There's pros and cons.
	Let's go through them.
	Cons.
	Burns.
	Pros.
	Nice and warm.
	Nice and warm.
	Cons.
	Probably gonna die.
	Pros.
	I'm in jail anyway.
	Won't have to do any more jail.
	I can't really think of any more cons.
	There's probably only two cons.
	But there's loads of pros.
	It'll be interesting to watch.
	It'll look cool?
	It'll look great.
	Think of how good it'll look as an Instagram picture.
	I'll do it tomorrow morning, goodnight.
	Do you promise you'll set yourself on fire tomorrow morning?
	Sure.
	Promise, Tristan!
	Don't let me down!
	Say, I promise.
	I promise.
	Tristan.
	Everybody draws pictures of you.
	Thank you.
	Thank you.
	And they make slogans that insult you.
	They pretend to be nice to your face and then they go home and draw cartoons that insult you.
	Every person on earth has cartoons all over their walls about how much they dislike you and how happy they'll be when you set yourself on fire.
	Tristan, eat a spoon of coffee.
	Do it.
	Eat a spoon of coffee.
	Be a man.
	Your ancestors will not be disappointed in you anymore.
	If you eat coffee like a hero.
	If you go to sleep, your little princess gay boy.
	Oh boy. Okay. I wish I had an accordion.
	Same.
	That I could just play.
	No, a harmonica!
	Yeah, same.
	I could play the jail harmonica.
	I wish I knew the recipe for cherry soda.
	Because then I could manufacture it and sell it and make money.
	Maybe I should whistle all night.
	Good.
	Enjoy.
	Oh, yeah.
	me oh me
	oh
	oh You're queer.
	Why?
	Quit listening.
	Okay.
	Oh, baby, baby, baby.
	Moo-hoo-hoo-oo millimeters is the My baby did do this With her little beams With her little ongs and her longs
	Moo-hoo-hoo-oo Bye!
	I got some mail here.
	A few letters.
	Let's read them out.
	First one.
	Would you rather put yourself in jail or play Smash Bros?
	Well, I'd obviously rather play Smash Bros, because jail sucks.
	And my jailmate is Princess Bulbul.
	Dear Andrew, today I made noodles in a cup with sparkling water.
	It was terrible, but it felt super I will not let my noodles be cucked by flatware.
	Fuck the Matrix.
	Moon Landing was a hoax.
	I've yet to try my Ms.
	Barthelme lore, but now I have a new objective to complete in my life.
	This one's long.
	To the one and only, the best, the strongest, the smartest, the best-looking Andrew, a.k.a.
	King Cobra Tate, a.k.a.
	Top G, and his likewise amazing brother, Talisman, a.k.a.
	Bowl Princess Gaylord, USS Spectrum, Losertor of the solar system.
	That's not what it says, is it?
	Yes, it does.
	The confinement of a cell does not limit your reach and power over all realms.
	Andrew.
	Tristan's confinement in a cell massively restricts him, because he is Princess Voldemort.
	Now, don't get too comfortable.
	Every hour of energy is important.
	A thousand push-ups, sit-ups, squats, burpees, mountain climbs, tuck jumps, star jumps, jumping squats, jabs, crosses, hooks, uppercuts.
	This is from Amir.
	He wants us to do a thousand push-ups, sit-ups, squats, burpees, mountain climbers, tuck jumps, star jumps, jumping squats, jabs, crosses, hooks, uppercuts, front kicks, low kicks, middle kicks, head kicks, side kicks, hook kicks, axe kicks, spinning back kicks, spinning hook kicks, jumping knees, jumping front kicks, spinning roundhouse kicks,
	Jumping Sidekicks, Jumping Hook Kicks, Jumping Spinning Back Kick, Jumping Spinning Hook Kicks, Jumping Back Fist, Back Fist, Overhand Right, and then we can meditate and visualize our victory in all realms from coaching here.
	Or we could stay in jail.
	This is what he wants us to do each day in jail.
	Alright, we'll do it tomorrow.
	Tomorrow I will do a thousand push-ups, because I did a thousand push-ups each day in jail, so I will do a thousand push-ups tomorrow during the day.
	What's this?
	I'm not sure about the rest of this.
	It's good to know that Master Amir is taking notice.
	What's this?
	I bet no one's watching our stream.
	Why ingest any more plastic?
	Eat the cup.
	I'll give you four cigarettes if you eat the cup.
	I can't wait for BH to kick the fuck out of you, bro.
	It's gonna be sick.
	Great.
	I need to pay for my crimes anyway.
	Thank you.
	During the afternoon.
	No one likes you.
	Because that takes the afternoon away.
	Otherwise, afternoon would be really hard.
	Andrew, nobody likes you.
	Did you hear me?
	I don't like you.
	No one watching likes you.
	Nobody.
	Good night.
	So, let's get started.
	So, let's get started.
	So,
	so
	Tristan.
	This is your subconscious.
	Andrew is gonna throw you a lighter.
	Thank you.
	Set yourself on fire.
	I'm going to be a little bit more specific.
	Tomorrow.
	Set yourself on fire right now.
	Tomorrow night.
	Tomorrow what?
	Set myself on fire.
	Why did you decide to do that?
	My brain.
	What gave you that idea, buddy?
	Holding back the years I'm a little bit of a crybaby
	Please, feel free to add comments.
	Please subscribe.
	Thank you, Mr.
	Let's go whistle, please.
	Ah, stop whistling now!
	Ha ha!
	Yeah, you win.
	Finally, I get a counterattack against your insanity!
	You win.
	I win, don't I?
	Yes.
	Which means you do what?
	Lose.
	Lose.
	And what do losers typically love to do?
	Sleep.
	Correct.
	Princess Bull Boy, have a nice little fucking nap.
	Pussy.
	What next?
	First it starts off at naps, then you're in gay clubs.
	I'm a big, strong man.
	Let me just have a nap.
	What?
	I'm going to sleep for the night.
	Yeah.
	Going to sleep is effectively just a long nap.
	Starts off with naps.
	That is gay clubs.
	Gay bondage.
	Until it all starts with naps.
	No, no, no, no, no, no.
	Never known a superhero who's busy taking naps.
	I'm sorry, I was just a little bit tired.
	My eyes were hurty-hurty, so I closed them.
	After eating your noodles from a bowl.
	You're nothing but fuck-up.
	Whole life's a fuck-up.
	You're a testament to failure.
	God only created you to show the world how to fail.
	Look up failure in a dictionary as a picture of your stupid face, with your eyes closed, napping.
	You should have listened to your ancestors and set yourself on fire when you had the chance.
	How do you know they said that?
	I heard them.
	No you didn't.
	I did!
	So I'm on to you.
	I feel like you've been faking an ancestry connection.
	They told me what they told you.
	The earth is flat.
	Bye.
	Bye.
	.
	There are two types of people in the world, Tristan.
	People who take naps, and people who are men.
	Heroes who don't.
	Who fight back.
	Nap.
	Well, I'm just tired, so I just had a little nap.
	Unbelievable.
	What next?
	Oh.
	It's a ticking.
	I thought it was a clock.
	Me and my lair.
	What are you gonna do about it?
	Sleep at me?
	We can just shit what sleepy boy decides to do after he's had his noodle bowl.
	I'm just not talking to you.
	Just fuck off, princess.
	We're the real convicts here, we just don't have time.
	I'll talk to you the rest of the night.
	No answer.
	Can't work out the math.
	You'll work it out one day, friend.
	I'm trying.
	I'm trying.
	Well.
	Well.
	I guess.
	You're a fucking loser in you.
	Yep, see you in the morning.
	Yeah.
	Yep.
	Thank you.
	Bye-bye.
	Thank you.
	Thank you.
	What's your favorite color?
	What's your favorite movie?
	What's your favorite car?
	What's your favorite country?
	What's your favorite dish to eat noodles from?
	Go on set.
	Go on!
	Tell the world!
	Admissible!
	Fucking loser.
	Such a fucking loser.
	No self-respect, no dignity.
	Can't even become a cybertronic organism like I can.
	Looks you're scared a little bit of stomachache from plastic fumes like a baby.
	You're a fuck up
	Which country are you in?
	Which country are you in?
	A princess.
	.
	Dreaming of your spaceship, are ya?
	Excited for your little tour of the solar system with your mate, Neil?
	Well, you have a nice little comfy bed on your fucking spaceship, don't ya?
	Yeah.
	Your blanket pink.
	But it is.
	Pink and fluffy.
	Your uniform for me, pink and fluffy.
	Your captain's hat.
	pink fluffy captain's hat on your way to fucking pluto i am on to you mate Your secret plan is to travel the solar system.
	on your loser tour have been exposed.
	You're never going to get away with this.
	ever.
	If you count to 10, I'll be quiet.
	Bye.
	Thank you.
	We have to count to 10.
	If we don't count to 10, I'm not going to stop talking.
	1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.
	One more time so I can hear you.
	2345678910.
	You have to count to 10 backwards or it doesn't count.
	Alright.
	10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.
	Give me my cigarettes!
	Shut the fuck up, you criminal!
	Don't pay yourself!
	There was no justice in Pakistan!
	Shut the fuck up!
	What is this?
	Shut the **** up!
	Nice.
	I wonder what he did.
	Give him some cigarettes.
	He pissed the guard off again.
	Your mate next door.
	Give him some cigarettes.
	So you're giving him some cigarettes out the window?
	Yeah.
	You're going to make him happy.
	Count to ten backwards in a girl's voice and I'll be quiet.
	I actually don't care very much.
	I can't sleep.
	Flap your arms like a chicken and say, I'm a little chicken boy and I'm tired.
	I can't sleep.
	There is no sleep.
	If you flap your arms like a chicken and say, I'm a little chicken boy and I'm tired, I promise I'll stop.
	I'll stop talking to you and I'll let you sleep.
	Just admit you're a little chicken boy and you're tired.
	You want a nappy nappy?
	Can't be done.
	Say I want a nappy nappy, because I'm tired chicken boy.
	Flap your arms and count from ten backwards like a girl.
	And then do a roly poly on the floor while saying I miss my friend Neil.
	And then I promise, I'll stop talking.
	If you do all of that, I'll stop.
	This is an authentic jail experience.
	It was pretty authentic.
	I might go mental like the other guard, other people, and start attacking guards and just go mental.
	You can't go mental.
	Tristan, I might go mental in jail.
	We didn't go mental.
	AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH It's not how jail works.
	Unfortunately.
	Otherwise all those people would have got out.
	That's true actually.
	Maybe they did get out.
	We never saw what happened to them.
	Maybe the ones fighting the guards got rid of them.
	Maybe they were just waiting for us to scream so we get to go home.
	Yeah.
	Maybe it's like an escape room.
	room. You just have to ask them nicely.
	Who would win in a fight?
	Thank you.
	A kitten or you?
	I will literally not even reply to you.
	You with a machete versus a two-week-old kitten.
	The kitten.
	And you get an element of surprise.
	Who would win?
	The kitten.
	Who would win in a fight?
	An aunt 100 Tristans.
	Fight to the death.
	Who in a fight?
	A feather.
	No wind, no air.
	Stationary feather on the floor.
	Not even airborne.
	Or you.
	Feather.
	How would I actually beat a feather in a fight?
	There's no victory against a feather.
	There's just no victory.
	Why are you back in jail?
	Why were we ever in jail?
	Because your girlfriend has TikTok.
	Oh yeah, I forgot.
	That makes you a human trafficker.
	You forgot?
	Oh yeah, sorry.
	My girlfriend has TikTok, sent me to jail.
	Yeah.
	We wouldn't apply apple juice or orange juice.
	Apple juice.
	Why?
	It's better.
	Apple juice is better.
	Thank you.
	Is it?
	Remember in jail the people who would sing?
	I sing in jail.
	True.
	Who would want to fight a child with a spoon or you with a machine gun?
	Yes.
	Mhm.
	Thank you.
	.
	Who would win in a fight?
	A bowl or a cup?
	Thank you.
	Bowl.
	A bowl could envelop the cup.
	Surround him.
	him. Cop can't do that to a ball.
	I miss my children.
	Thank you.
	Yeah, remember when they locked us in jail away from our kids?
	And I miss my wife.
	Maybe I should call them and see how they are.
	Or maybe, instead, to calm my soul, I should have a cigarette.
	That's a good idea.
	Cigarettes?
	Yeah, cigarettes.
	Back in the game!
	Time for a cigarette.
	Good point.
	I've always been sleeping in jail. I can't sleep in jail. I'm always screaming.
	Oh, what time do you think it is? Time for a cigarette.
	Good point.
	Nice and refreshing.
	I'll do 6am tomorrow.
	my triceps are aching. I'm going to do the other side. I'm going to do the other side.
	Thank you.
	You don't have triceps, you have biceps.
	Because you're gay.
	I do have biceps, yeah.
	So you didn't miss your minute.
	No, that's not true.
	It doesn't make any sense.
	So that's the guard for a broom, so he can, uh, clean himself.
	No.
	Well, fuck off.
	Fuck off, that's why.
	Bye.
	No we don't.
	She didn't say that.
	Friendliness is close to godliness Said a very wise philosopher Britney Spears She didn't say nothing We're gonna fight you or Britney Spears Britney Spears Why are you in jail I'm in jail because my girlfriend has TikTok.
	Why are you in jail?
	Because your girlfriend has TikTok.
	I'm in jail because the Matrix attacks us both together.
	Fine, mate.
	I'll go to jail with you any day.
	If they send you back, they'd better fucking send me.
	Right.
	Roll the team!
	J&T's.
	J and T. J and N.
	Maybe we should start renting out this jail as the Tate's Jail Experience.
	It's a million dollars a day.
	What do you think will be arrested for actually human trafficking, man?
	If we had a functioning jail in our house.
	The jail experience.
	Yeah, Peyton's jail experience.
	We should get your mate Aiden and throw him in jail, see how he likes it.
	Aiden Ross.
	Aiden Ross, five days in jail.
	Should we do a day in jail with Aiden Ross?
	We'd beat the shit out of him.
	Breaking the laws of pudgy-ness.
	Breaking the laws of fitness.
	He'd be very lucky we're not gay and rapists.
	He does fucking doubt it.
	Yeah.
	I don't think Aiden's built for jail.
	Is he?
	Certainly not.
	He'll have a very bad time.
	I don't think Aiden's built for very much for internet streaming, to be honest.
	He's a knucklehead.
	You'd better knuckle down for a knucklehead's fat head.
	Step on his foot.
	It could have been.
	Let me make sure that it's good.
	My stomach level acid...
	My stomach acid levels are off the charts.
	Call the cops.
	I'm off the charts.
	I'm in jail again.
	I'm in jail again.
	Just can't wait till I'm in jail again.
	Smoking cigarettes, doing push-ups with my friend.
	I can't wait to be back in jail again.
	Back in jail again.
	Just can't wait to be back in jail again.
	Smoking cigarettes, doing push-ups with my friend.
	I'm going to be in jail again.
	Give me a J.
	Give me an A.
	Give me an I.
	Give me an L.
	Go jail!
	You used to get out of jail free cards from the Monopoly.
	Yeah, do you remember when you had those in Monopoly and you used them to play the game?
	That was bullshit, you should have just held on to them.
	I just kept them in my wallet.
	Yeah.
	You used to get out of jail free cards from the Monopoly.
	Yeah.
	You used to get out of jail free cards from the Monopoly.
	Yeah.
	You used to get out of jail free cards from the Monopoly.
	Yeah.
	You used to get out of jail free cards from the Monopoly.
	Yeah.
	You used to get out of jail free cards from the Monopoly.
	Yeah.
	You used to get out of jail free cards from the Monopoly.
	Yeah.
	You used to get out of jail free cards from the Monopoly.
	Yeah.
	What was the best thing about jail?
	Going to the fridge.
	I used to walk to the fridge once a day.
	What do you think?
	What time is it?
	I've lost track of time.
	Seven.
	It's a good thing.
	It's not seven.
	Eight.
	Four ducks live in a pond in the middle of the forest.
	They're all named Andrew.
	Three chickens.
	Thank you.
	What do you call a chicken with no face?
	You.
	You.
	No.
	1,000 times no.
	2,000 times no.
	3,000 times no.
	4,000 times no.
	5,000 times no.
	6,000 times no.
	7,000 times no.
	8,000 times no.
	9,000 times no.
	10,000 times no.
	11,000 times no.
	12,000 times no.
	13,000 times no.
	14,000 times no.
	15,000 times no.
	16,000 times no.
	17,000 times no.
	18,000 times no.
	19,000 times no.
	20,000 times no.
	21,000 times no.
	22,000 times no.
	23,000 times no.
	24,000 times no.
	25,000 times no.
	26,000 times no.
	27,000 times no.
	28,000 times no.
	29,000 times no.
	30,000 times no.
	40,000 times no.
	50,000 times no.
	60,000 times no.
	61,000 times no.
	62,000 times no.
	62,000 times no.
	63,000 times no.
	64,000 times no.
	I use Kool-Aid.
	I use a Kool-Aid.
	I use a Kool-Aid.
	I use a Kool-Aid.
	I use a Kool-Aid.
	I use a Kool-Aid.
	I use a Kool-Aid.
	I use a Kool-Aid.
	I use a Kool-Aid.
	I use a Kool-Aid.
	I use a Kool-Aid.
	I use a Kool-Aid.
	I use a Kool-Aid.
	I use a Kool-Aid.
	I use a Kool-Aid.
	Back in jail again.
	You know I can't wait to be back in jail again.
	Doing push-ups, smoking ciggies with my friends.
	You know I can't wait to be back in jail again.
	I'm going to miss you.
	You
	Why are there chickens?
	There were no chickens in jail.
	There were random people making weird noises though, so that's nice and authentic.
	We're an animal house.
	Yeah, jail is animal house, isn't it?
	I don't want to live in an animal house, I want to live in one of the other houses.
	Little house on the prairie.
	And I request for the guards to get broom.
	I'm gonna sweep the floor, no.
	You mean no.
	You don't.
	It's a mess.
	Absolutely no way. You will not touch the fucking floor in this jail.
	I like it this way.
	You don't?
	Yes I do.
	It's a mess.
	Exactly.
	I'm gonna sweep the floor.
	No.
	You're not allowed.
	Touch the floor and you're fucking dead.
	The moment you fall asleep, I'm stabbing you with this shank I made.
	You won't.
	While pretending to kind of half lay down earlier and half close my eyes, I was secretly making a knife.
	Prison shank.
	You're fucking dead.
	I'm cleaning up.
	No.
	Stop telling me no.
	I'm putting things over.
	Away.
	Nope.
	Yes.
	We're cleaning our cell because we don't want to.
	No.
	That stays.
	Don't use the blue windbags.
	So,
	so
	yep
	Do not sweep my floor.
	Thank you.
	Bye bye.
	Why?
	I like the floor this way.
	You don't.
	Yes I do.
	You don't.
	You're lying.
	The noodle crumbs on the floor is what makes the jail complete.
	They complete me.
	If you sweep the cell, you'll take away the greatest part of me.
	No, don't sweep the cell.
	If you sweep the cell, you'll take away the greatest part of me.
	Don't touch that broom, don't sweep my cell.
	If you sweep the cell, it's a deal breaker.
	You listening?
	You're a deal breaker.
	How can that be true?
	You're a bar, you're a dirty line car.
	I want you to know that.
	I'm what?
	A cell sweeper.
	You're a sweeper cell.
	It's like, it's what Jonathan Ross would be if he was working for the government secretly.
	That was a smart joke if you didn't get it.
	From now on you have to call me Darko Karim.
	Thank you.
	Thank you.
	Darko Kareem?
	Yeah.
	What does that mean?
	It's my name.
	I don't think it is.
	I'm head of Station T. Alright, goodnight buddy.
	See you tomorrow in jail.
	Nice eventful evening.
	Noodles, sweeping, tea.
	Not a bad day.
	All in all, as far as jail days go, it's a good one, you know?
	There's still more jail tomorrow.
	Thank you.
	Bullshit, it's a mixture tag, go to sleep.
	Okay.
	My side.
	Why would you want your side dirty?
	I like it that way.
	You don't.
	Yeah.
	It's a lie.
	It's not.
	It is.
	You're just lying.
	I've never told a lie.
	You don't have told lies.
	Nope.
	You're lying now.
	This could be a lie.
	Good night, mate.
	I'll see you in jail tomorrow.
	You'll be here?
	I'll be here.
	You'll be here.
	If you put it on like an actual t-shirt from the ball, it would stretch around there.
	You do it you stupid cunt!
	You're a stupid stunt.
	If you're leaving now.
	If you sneak into the cell.
	I can block some of the light with this t-shirt.
	I'm going to go to the bathroom.
	You're a successful...
	Fold it back up and do the other thing.
	Huh?
	Yeah, take the bus in.
	Ah, blocking the light with the t-shirt.
	The old jail tactics.
	Nice!
	Too dark.
	This isn't working.
	I can't block the light with the t-shirt.
	You can block your eyes with the t-shirt.
	Thank you.
	Why don't you take the light and just burn your eyes out?
	Then it'd be dark.
	You know?
	What do you think?
	Alright, sorry.
	Okay, sorry.
	No turning off the light, T. Guards get mad.
	Nice.
	Just like real jail.
	I have to see you at all times.
	I'll see you in jail tomorrow, mate.
	See you in jail tomorrow, friend.
	See you tomorrow.
	In jail.
	See you in jail.
	See you in jail, mate.
	Let's wake up tomorrow.
	Hopefully we'll be in jail together.
	Yeah, true.
	It's a Matrix Attack.
	It's bullshit.
	share whenever you get out.
	Thank you.
	Northern California.
	NO!
	NO!
	PLEASE!
	NO!
	SHUT UP!
	NO!
	PLEASE!
	PLEASE!
	NO!
	Nice.
	Maybe if you beat all the guards up, they'll let you out, bro.
	Keep going.
	Man, I'm wasting shots on the device.
	Don't give up now!
	There's only 50 guards!
	The guards are screaming.
	Maybe they'll let him out.
	If you beat them all, you can go home!
	Take the keys.
	Let me out on your way out, bro.
	Throw us the keys if you win the fight, please.
	Yeah.
	Cell 5, mate.
	Right here.
	I'll drive.
	I'll drop you off.
	Yeah, open cell five, please.
	Yeah.
	When's the last time you sold the Rubik's Cube?
	Thank you.
	This morning.
	♪ I'm feeling better looking fine, baby, baby, boom, baby, I know ♪ ♪ With the magic in his eyes, checking every girl inside, moving like he does, girl, my, oh, oh ♪ favourite song.
	I'm going to sing it.
	I'm not going to do it.
	Nice.
	I said, Happy New Year. Nice. Happy New Year, bro.
	I'm helping it out. Jesus.
	I'm helping it out. Jesus.
	Thank you.
	Thank you.
	you It's a great song.
	It's a great song.
	It might be my favorite song.
	Jail is always so bright and so loud.
	There's always noises and you can never fucking relax in this place.
	Yeah, I like it.
	You don't like it?
	It illuminates your soul.
	opens your mind.
	So,
	so
	Nice, there's a mosquito in here.
	Hope it bites you.
	I'm not going to kill him in the hope that he goes over there and pesters you.
	So you get mosquito'd all night.
	Mosquito'd all night long.
	Mosquito bit me all night long.
	Okay.
	Moving to Paris.
	Moving to Genevieve.
	Shame.
	Okay.
	Stop snoring you retarded cunt.
	I'm trying to add a degree of realism to jail.
	And if we're going to add realism to jail, you're going to start snoring because you are snore man in jail.
	You're snorey senate.
	Mom.
	Your mom does not snore in jail.
	She does.
	How would you know what my mom, what your mom does?
	Like, yeah.
	Fuck you.
	Set yourself on fire.
	Set myself on fire?
	Where'd you get that idea from?
	You're a fucking idiot.
	See you tomorrow.
	He's got up until breakfast.
	Nice.
	Unintelligible words from around the jail.
	Random screaming in Romanian.
	My favorite. Great.
	Yeah.
	you
	see you in the morning
	you
	Thank you.
	Jill's good.
	All right, Jill.
	Simple life
	Sleep
	However, they won't be asleep for long.
	The End.
	I'm starting to work with your burning.
	It's working.
	Yeah.
	and sleep.
	So, um,
	so,
	oh,
	so,
	Thank you.
	So So
	I don't don't don't know Okay Yeah Um Thank you.
	Bye-bye.
	Oh, Lord.
	Yes.
	Thank you.
	Okay.
	Thank you.
	Okay.
	uh so
	so
	um so
	uh so
	uh so
	uh
	so
	um
	so
	right guys as it's very clear that Tristan is sleeping peacefully whilst Andrew is starting to regret every second of this live stream i think we should start talking to chat and thinking about tell us what ideas we should come up with next
	so so Chat, tell us what your ideas are.
	We want to hear all your ideas.
	It's going to be a long day tomorrow and we want to get them as much as we can.
	So, we're going to be working on the next one.
	We're going to go ahead and get started.
	Okay.
	Oh I Don't Know hold up Shout out to the vendor Oh I Don't know I Don't know I Don't know I Don't know
	I Don't know I Don't know I Don't know I Don't know I Don't know I Don't know I Don't know I
	Don't know I Don't know I Don't know I Don't know I Don't know I Don't know I Don't know I Don't know
	I Don't know I Don't know I Don't know I Don't know I Don't know I Don't know I Don't know I
	So,
	Watch.
	you
	I'm going to take a couple of pictures.
	Okay.
	uh...
	i can not sleep uh...
	Bye.
	at all.
	I need more cigarettes.
	All right.
	It's the one move that we always have.
	Mmm.
	I shouldn't have eaten all that coffee.
	Increasing our captivity is always an option if we want to be free.
	What the fuck does that mean?
	It means we strengthen the power of our jail to achieve true freedom amongst the stars.
	I don't know what that means.
	Neither do you.
	It doesn't matter what it may.
	No.
	Oh.
	Awesome.
	Ah! Shit!
	That means one of us has to leave.
	Maybe he'll let you out, G. I might live here forever.
	Keep smashing the cell, he'll definitely let you out.
	I'm going to get you. ** ** Good luck, bro. I think I've decided that I good luck. I live here forever.
	No, we should do like that guy.
	He's going to get out and we're not because he's more disciplined and motivated than us.
	Think of all the things we teach about hard work and dedication.
	Yeah, we're not even screaming.
	We're not even trying to get out.
	We need to be more like that guy.
	That's how we get out of jail, T.
	So anyway?
	You go first.
	Now look at him.
	Fucking six months on the job.
	All I did was look in a fucking car window!
	Fucking bullshit man!
	Gata, gata, gata!
	Shut up man!
	Fuck you, I have to laugh man!
	Gata!
	Gata, gata!
	Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Jail simulator.
	That's 100% jail.
	We're gonna start.
	Unlucky bro.
	We're gonna send people here.
	Maybe next time they'll let you out.
	We're gonna let our fans come and sit in the jail simulator.
	If you scream louder, they might let you out next time.
	Maybe we should start shouting until the guards attack us.
	T, should we get attacked by the guards?
	Yeah, that's a good idea.
	T, we need to start fighting the guards.
	What do you think?
	We should have done from day one.
	We're never getting out of here if we don't fight the guards.
	Should we start screaming?
	Maybe this is all just a big test and they're waiting to see until we start screaming and I can let us out.
	Thank you.
	Nah.
	I believe that too but I'm staying.
	So, um,
	um,
	So, from what we've seen so far, my observations are that Tristan seems to be coping a lot better with this 24 hours.
	I mean, he's sleeping peacefully.
	He hasn't really moved much.
	It's like he's accepted that he's going to be there for 24 hours and that he's going to be under a lot of pressure from the noise outside.
	It's like he's accepted that and he's at peace with it.
	Now Andrew, Andrew is tossing and turning at every noise he hears.
	I know from my own experiences that he doesn't like to be away from his phones and his laptop.
	Any noise that's made is waking him up and I don't, I wouldn't say he's agitated but I'd say he most definitely wants to get out of there a lot more than Tristan.
	But we'll see what happens.
	We've got some more tricks up our sleeve.
	But we shall see.
	Maybe Andrew will accept it for what it is soon.
	Maybe he won't.
	Maybe he'll be up all night.
	I think Tristan's coping a lot better though.
	he's sleeping like a baby and I think we're gonna have to change that soon.
	You
	Don't push me close to the edge BITCH!
	I'm trying not to lose my head.
	I'm going to get out.
	Shut the fuck up.
	I come see my family.
	Shut up bro.
	It's very realistic.
	Very realistic jail experience.
	How much?
	Are we charging people for this?
	for each 24 hours.
	What do you think?
	I'm not charging him for anything.
	So,
	so,
	okay.
	So,
	so,
	I'm out.
	Random inexplicable noises.
	this is... I like it.
	I like it.
	Justin are you asleep or asleep?
	week.
	Thank you.
	That's a good one.
	I think I may have been asweep.
	Bro, you were closer to asweep than you could possibly imagine.
	Why, because you were going to hit me if I didn't wake up in time?
	You have no idea how close you were to asweep.
	I'm sweepin'.
	I'm sweepy.
	Are you sweepy?
	Yeah, I'm real sweepy.
	What do you do if I master Kung Fu with this bird?
	What would you do if I... And I decided to destroy you?
	What would you do if I swept the floor with you?
	I can speak.
	I can go to jail so well that I now can commentate the workings of earth using my master voice.
	My broken heart brimmed with your cry.
	Yeah.
	You sure?
	I'm going to go to the store. Yeah. I'm very good.
	I'm going to go to the store.
	Oh, Jill's gay.
	I like it.
	No, you don't.
	Nobody likes jail Hmm
	You
	I don't know what you're talking about.
	I'm sorry.
	Okay.
	Nope.
	Nope.
	Huh.
	Nope.
	We've done six hours.
	It seems that Tristan is a lot more relaxed.
	He's talking sleep talk to Andrew which makes zero sense at all.
	We don't know how it's going to pan out over the next six hours.
	I guess Tristan might have a bit more energy in the morning because he seems to be getting a bit more sleep than Andrew.
	However, Andrew doesn't seem to be sleeping at all or if he is it's very If he is sleeping, it's in intervals of 10 minutes, 15 minutes, it's not real sleep.
	So I think that the guys might have different energy levels when it comes to the morning.
	Andrew's playing with Broom, he's walking around the room, he's trying to wake Tristan, he's trying to entertain himself and keep occupied, whereas Tristan is very relaxed.
	We shall see how it pans out in the next six hours, but we're a quarter of the way through now and we shall see how it goes.
	If you guys talk to chat and give us some more ideas, some of the ideas coming through are great.
	However, the boys do have to be up in the morning.
	So we will let them sleep a little bit longer now, but all ideas are welcome.
	So talk to chat, tell us what you think we should do in the morning.
	And yeah, we'll review the comments and we'll see what we can do.
	Okay.
	Thanks, everyone.
	Thanks for joining us.
	We'll see you next time.
	Bye.
	I mean, I'm up.
	I'm awake.
	It makes no difference to me.
	So do we let them sleep or not?
	Talk to Chad, let me know what you think.
	Thanks.
	you
	Okay.
	um,
	so
	Best thing about jail... ...is to be mates crying.
	My favorite.
	It's you when you have to make noodles in a cup.
	Is that you crying?
	It's you when you have to make noodles in a cup, you fucking...
	It's you when it's time to sleep, Princess Bowl.
	You don't have to be straight.
	You're around girls.
	It's you when you're in outer space.
	It's you and your out of space with your mate Neil.
	Because you're all a bunch of losers.
	I mean it.
	You're my friend.
	I'm not your friend.
	I hate you.
	Shalom.
	Try and cover the light bro, like you did earlier.
	Fuck em.
	Can't.
	Can't.
	You do it.
	Wow.
	Hmm.
	Oh Oh.
	Okay.
	Bye.
	So, uh, so
	um
	so
	I'm going to go ahead and get started.
	Ender.
	Hey dork.
	Nice.
	I'm going to sleep.
	Hmm.
	Yeah, you hear that?
	Andrew!
	Shut the fuck up!
	just like real jail
	so
	with Andrew snoring.
	Maybe Andrew was trying to impersonate Snorey Sinnott.
	Who knows?
	You
	So guys, the boys are sound asleep.
	However, in 30 minutes, they're going to have a rude awakening.
	So,
	so
	you
	so
	exactly you Ah, nice. Back to jail.
	Back to jail.
	Back to jail.
	All right.
	One but she's already one but she's already one bit but she's already chamado here and home to Mangorphe and whoever I don't even approve of people cannot oh you haven't that your profession and compensation Marcus Kendrick and Devonté Marcus Kendrick and
	Devonté.
	I don't even approve of people cannot even ask for a little bit of compensation.
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	I don't even approve of Good morning!
	Good morning!
	Problems?
	No, no, no problem. Everything's fine.
	Let me see if I have something on my lap.
	I'm jumping.
	Yes?
	Please, sir.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	Alright, thank you.
	Have a nice day.
	Brings back memories, Hinder.
	Aww.
	Bye.
	Cigarette for breakfast?
	Breakfast cigarette?
	Too scared.
	I've decided... You're no longer my brother.
	Cool.
	You've been relegated.
	Oh.
	I'm delighted not to talk to you anymore.
	Oh.
	um,
	Okay.
	Andy, why are you in jail?
	Tick tock.
	TikTok It doesn't make any sense I uh
	so
	um
	so
	uh
	so
	well
	um
	so
	um
	so
	you know so
	i've changed my name Officially.
	Mr. Potato Head.
	Now she will use this orange for sudoku .
	She was not listening to me.
	This area is going to be the fulcrum.
	Like I said, she really has started to wallow into the stuff.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	So, having a professional share in this process.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	So, I'm going to show you how to do it.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	So, let's get started.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	So, I'm going to show you how to do it.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	So, let's get started.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	She is going to be a little bit more aggressive.
	Yes.
	Q. How do you feel about the fact that you are a Christian?
	A. I am a Christian.
	Q. Are you a Christian?
	You are the saviour, Challenge me.
	I am the one who is the saviour.
	A. Yes.
	Q. What is your religion?
	A. I am a Christian.
	Q. What is your religion?
	you.
	okay uh so
	An old shark may kill me outside, mate.
	the end of the group was assigned to the Do So
	So Hmm.
	Okay.
	there's a guy,
	and he's got a gun.
	He's got a gun.
	um um
	so so Hmm.
	um
	so
	no um
	so
	Okay.
	Now you're gonna do a little bit of a massage.
	This is called a shoulder massage.
	And I'm gonna do a little bit of a massage.
	So if you're gonna do a shoulder massage, you're gonna need a little bit of a pillow.
	You're gonna need a pillow, and I'm gonna need a pillow.
	So, I'm gonna get you a pillow.
	You're gonna need a pillow, and I'm gonna get you a pillow.
	You're gonna need a pillow, and then a pillow.
	And then a pillow, and then a pillow.
	You're gonna need a pillow.
	You're gonna need a pillow, and then a pillow.
	Okay.
	.
	um um
	so
	um
	so
	um um
	so
	and Thank you.
	...
	Hmm.
	so
	I'm going to go ahead and get started.
	um um
	so um Thank you.
	um um
	so um
	so uh
	um
	so um
	so
	um so
	um so
	um so
	um
	so um
	so um
	so
	um
	uh um
	uh so
	so um
	so so
	um
	so so
	um Bye.
	Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm.
	Mm. Mm.
	Mm.
	So, I'm going to go ahead and start. So, I'm going to start.
	So, I'm going to start. So, I'm going to start.
	So, I'm going to start.
	So,
	um
	so
	um so so
	um
	so
	um so
	Okay.
	Hmm.
	Okay.
	and hmm wow
	so
	wow so
	oh so
	wow so
	hmm
	so
	uh so
	hmm uh
	so
	uh
	so
	wow uh
	so so
	uh
	so
	hmm um
	so uh
	so oh
	so hmm
	so
	uh uh
	so
	hello so is
	um
	so
	wow
	so
	yeah
	so
	Can I ask you to move down for a minute?
	I'm going to get a little bit of a break.
	uh so so
	so uh
	so
	now
	so
	Yo, dork.
	Yep?
	Stop snoring.
	OK.
	Um,
	Okay.
	Bye.
	Breakfast is ready!
	For you, for you!
	Thank you!
	Enjoy your meal!
	Thank you!
	Enjoy your meal!
	Have a nice day!
	it's locked in the cabinet.
	Tell me, Joe.
	Ah, good old jail.
	Glad to be here, glad to be anywhere.
	you know?
	Bread and a boiled egg.
	I'm going to make a sandwich.
	There are many different versions of reality, my friend.
	And in all of them, you are a loser.
	Andrew.
	Welcome.
	No one has ever liked you.
	Oh yeah, keep my whore mouth shut.
	I'm not a whore.
	I'm a whore.
	so
	Thank you.
	Incredible what a loser you are.
	It amazes me every day.
	I look around at you and I think, wow.
	What an incredible achievement.
	So,
	Thank you.
	Okay.
	Thank you.
	And you're a loser and no one likes you.
	I don't even know what time it is.
	What time is it?
	No one knows in jail.
	after me.
	Okay.
	They call me the human spider.
	So,
	so,
	Oh I've got to go sign the papers at the police station.
	Yeah, what time is it?
	Time to go.
	Okay.
	Come in.
	And then back to jail.
	Okay.
	Thank you.
	Bye.
	exciting stuff.
	I'm going to play a little bit of the song.
	Shut up.
	How good to get out of the rain.
	It can't be 10 o'clock.
	It's 30 G. No alarm clock.
	Never knew what time it was in jail when we woke up.
	One remembers your name. Let's go.
	I'm burning my egg for later.
	Alright, police station.
	I'm burning my egg for later.
	I'm burning my egg for later.
	Alright, police station.
	I'm burning my egg for later.
	Alright, police station.
	I'm burning my egg for later.
	Alright, police station.
	I'm burning my egg for later.
	Alright, police station.
	I'm burning my egg for later.
	Alright, police station.
	I'm burning my egg for later.
	Alright, police station.
	I'm burning my egg for later.
	Alright, police station.
	I'm burning my egg for later.
	Alright, police station.
	I'm burning my egg for later.
	Alright, police station.
	I'm burning my egg for later.
	Alright, police station.
	I'm burning my egg for later.
	Alright, police station.
	I'm burning my egg for later.
	Alright, police station.
	I'm burning my egg for later.
	Alright, police station.
	I'm burning my egg for later.
	Alright, police station.
	I'm burning my egg for later.
	They won't be going anywhere else.
	They'll be coming straight back.
	This is obviously out of our control.
	In the meantime though, we can watch some Taka behind the scenes and we'll get the boys back in the cell as soon as possible.
	You
	Cigars are hundreds of years old.
	Me and Andrew did not invent them.
	But I see all the time people on the internet post photos with cigars in their mouth and everyone's like, oh, you're trying to be the Tate brothers.
	I'm like, I have never claimed that I started cigar smoking.
	You got that one little piece of glare off that light?
	Is that what it is?
	Yeah, I do.
	So, if this is right up here.
	Let me see.
	Put it on top of that?
	Yeah, I'm just going to slide this under it.
	There we go.
	That's better.
	Yeah, that's good.
	There we go.
	Oh, my God.
	What about you?
	Florida.
	Nice.
	I live in Miami now.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	I'm in Naples.
	No shit, bro.
	Yeah, bro.
	We gotta hang.
	It's sharp.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Andrew, what is that smell I can hear right now?
	I'm sure of it.
	The person who knows the bus is black.
	Raid.
	I've been fly hunting.
	This whole house smells like raid.
	I think there's still one or two, but they're rocked.
	Then you woke up with messy pants.
	Yeah.
	And no wallet.
	Do it again?
	I've been, uh, you know what I didn't realize about this?
	What?
	Is that it actually has Jack in it.
	Yeah, they left it in there when they did the resin.
	Andrew, you gonna sit up?
	You gonna sit up, yeah?
	Keep talking, Justin.
	Test, test, test, test.
	Actually, Tucker...
	Test, test, test, test.
	Did you know that Tristan is, in fact, a lizard man?
	Tristan is a lizard man.
	And he's in cohesion with Marcel now to fight against the insect people.
	From cigar to prison cigarettes.
	These prison cigarettes are good.
	Yeah.
	So I'm, wait, who's here?
	I'm here, Tucker's here, yeah?
	Tucker's here, I'm here.
	Cool.
	Oh, can we clear everything off this table?
	Yeah, cool.
	Absolutely.
	It's exactly how I like it.
	Thank you very much.
	Thank you very much.
	Nice.
	Slept good?
	Yeah.
	All right.
	Thanks.
	All right.
	Yeah.
	I couldn't fall asleep, bro.
	Nothing wrong.
	You ever have that?
	Yep.
	Just, you're like, fuck!
	Starting to get mad about it.
	Yeah.
	Like, there's no reason for this.
	Two cigars.
	Tea's probably going to do it.
	Might as well do three.
	How can we turn this to make it?
	Yeah.
	They make it very clear around here.
	Yeah.
	These will kill you.
	That's what that means, bro.
	It's like when Darth Vader puts the mask on.
	The force is too strong in him.
	Yeah, they put dying people on the front of cigarette packets.
	Bro, the small print, bro.
	None.
	In Europe, they put images of dying people on them.
	That's awesome.
	Determined nobody.
	Yeah, we went to, uh, you guys have been recommending amazing places.
	Yeah.
	It was the best steak I've ever had.
	I mean, 9 out of 10 is unbelievable.
	Where'd you go?
	First night.
	First night, where'd you go?
	I can't remember.
	First night they went to Hero Bay.
	Last night they went to Le Brasserie.
	The first night they went to Le Brasserie.
	First night was Le Brasserie.
	Last night was Casa de David.
	So you went to Le Brasserie.
	How late were you there?
	I'm living vicariously through you now.
	We were there till midnight and then we walked around the lake for about 30 minutes.
	kind of clubs like loud music down there it was really nice.
	I just wanted to move here.
	That was good last night.
	And then you went to Casa last night and you're saying the food was good there as well?
	Amazing, yeah.
	Did anyone guess why you were here?
	No, there's a couple fans that came up to Tucker, we love you and stuff like that, you know, like four or five people that were here.
	He must get that in America all the time.
	He can't go anywhere in America.
	Yeah.
	He used to be able to travel to Europe, no one came up to him.
	But he was saying last night, he was like, well, coming to Europe now is a little different, you know.
	He says Twitter's international.
	It is, yeah.
	It's worldwide.
	Yeah, it's a big deal, bro.
	Bro, him going to Twitter is fucking huge.
	Legendary move.
	I'm so happy about that.
	Twelve minutes?
	Alright, we'll see you then.
	Keep that door closed.
	Just, like, one centimeter open.
	If any more flies fly in here, I'm gonna be pissed.
	Emory Tate.
	That is...
	Emory is Andrew's...
	Technically, it's Andrew's name.
	So my father was Emory Andrew Tate, and his father was Emory Andrew Tate.
	And my mother hated the name Emery.
	So when he was born, they agreed to call him Andrew Tate.
	And she was all like half dead in the delivery room.
	So he goes, don't worry, I'll go fill out the paperwork for Emery Andrew Tate III.
	So his whole life we called him Andrew.
	I didn't even find out his technical name was Emery until I was like six or seven years old.
	So his name on paper is Emery Andrew Tate, but everyone's always called him Andrew.
	It's not even something he's adopted.
	And then my mom fell for it again.
	You don't have a middle name?
	this argument about my middle name. So Tristan Tate and my mother wanted to give me some gay ass middle name that my father hated. So again, he tricks her, she's in the living room, don't worry I'll go fill out the paperwork, left my middle name blank.
	You don't have a middle name? No, no, no. So my dad just hustled her twice on the names. So T.T.?
	Tristan Tate, that's it. My mother had a middle name planned for me, I don't know what it was, I'd have to ask her. So you guys built this from scratch or what It was a failed project.
	It was a warehouse that a guy had turned into a house very badly on a very low budget.
	So me and Andrew took it over and spent a lot of money just doing it the way we like.
	The cigar room was a very poor, put together cinema.
	It was crappy looking when we first came in here.
	We rented it for about one year and then we bought it afterwards.
	Did it go up in value after you bought it?
	Guys, don't panic.
	Andrew and Tristan will be back in the cell as soon as possible.
	They have to go and sign these papers as part of a judiciary control.
	It's completely out of our control.
	We will have them back in that cell as soon as we can.
	It's not dangerous for saying women can't drive.
	Who gives a fuck about that?
	that and that's not important.
	I hear a car pulling up and it's 1142.
	Thank you.
	Good, thank you.
	No problem, man.
	You're a perfectionist.
	I like that.
	Alex, step outside and look up and down the road.
	Gentlemen, how you doing?
	Good, how are you?
	Hey.
	How are you?
	Good to see you, bro.
	Good to see you.
	Amazing, as always.
	Hey.
	Nice to meet you, bro.
	Tristan.
	Hello.
	Hello.
	This is beautiful.
	Nice to see you.
	Thank you.
	It's my first time in Romania.
	I'm loving it.
	You enjoying it?
	It's awesome.
	I walked around the city for a while yesterday.
	Yeah.
	It's such a beautiful place.
	Yeah, I know.
	I know.
	I don't leave here for no reason.
	Oh, I get that.
	It's beautiful.
	You rave about it for a reason.
	Hey, guys.
	Hey.
	How are you?
	Good, man.
	Good to see you again.
	Hey, hey, hey.
	Thank you for having me.
	Good to meet you.
	Hey, good to meet you.
	Tucker's nephew.
	Ah, OK, cool.
	Part of the resistance, eh?
	Yeah, right?
	Yeah.
	Sometimes I'm bored.
	Good.
	I'm going to stay in the shade.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, you're in a nice suit.
	Yep.
	How you doing?
	I'm totally bewildered.
	I come out and meet you, but I step one foot over this line, it's back to jail.
	Tucker Carlson.
	Tucker, a pleasure.
	Tristan Tate.
	It's so nice to meet you.
	Great to meet you too, man.
	What a trip this is.
	I'm a huge admirer.
	This is like...
	You're the famous one, bro.
	You're the famous one.
	Not me.
	I've never been starstruck in my life, but here I am.
	Hey, Tucker Carlson.
	Nice to meet you.
	Nice to meet you.
	Are you American?
	Yes, very.
	What are you doing here?
	I got a couple friends, you know.
	One flew across the world to go to jail.
	You smell tobacco.
	Well, it's good hunting and fishing here.
	I wish I could take you, but unfortunately... I wanna go to Transylvania.
	Oh, bro, it's amazing.
	It's amazing.
	Is it?
	It's amazing.
	You have to go on credit.
	That's the only car they left me with.
	A 1979 Lada built in the USSR.
	No way!
	Yeah, I bought it just for shits and giggles, but they took everything of value.
	They didn't want that one.
	They took all our... We had a bunch of...
	I like it too, and they fucked up because Yeah, I do and the moment they let me out of this house That's gonna become the most famous car in the world cuz I'm gonna be wrong.
	So you literally can't leave the house No, no back to jail if I step foot over ice coffee Yeah, I don't want coffee Yeah I've got it.
	We have to clear this table though.
	Is that tapes?
	Yeah, that's fine.
	OK.
	Sparkling water and coffee, that's a.
	That's our, most of our diet.
	Drink the fucking water.
	Drink the fucking water.
	Get it in your mouth.
	In your little, like a tiny pack.
	Take in a sip every, every ten minutes.
	Yes.
	Come on, come on.
	I had flair to her.
	I was totally consumed.
	Yeah, I know.
	It's awesome.
	This is so fucking old school!
	I know, this is a real...
	Sick.
	Hey, you're in there.
	See you later.
	Yeah.
	Let's go.
	Oh, okay.
	Okay.
	Oh, okay.
	Okay.
	Oh, it's right there?
	Uh-huh.
	One-way mirror is as standard.
	Oh, okay.
	I... I don't know why.
	I like shitty old stick shifts, I just do.
	Tells you something.
	Thank you.
	That was great.
	Did you turn the key all the way to the left?
	Otherwise the battery's half on it, it drains.
	Now we're talking.
	He's the best.
	It's got a choke.
	Yeah, it's got a choke.
	When it doesn't start in the cold.
	I think it's that right there.
	Maybe to the side.
	These are some of the well built.
	Some of these parts are from a newer Lada.
	The electric ignition is from a newer Lada.
	New battery.
	I've got it all ready to go before they let me out of house arrest.
	Let's clean this up.
	I'm gonna tear this city up.
	Yeah, I mean, it's a four-cylinder overhead valve.
	It's a pretty modern engine, actually.
	I doubt that's original.
	Yeah.
	Well, I mean, I don't know... The top and this look different from when I had it a month ago.
	I got this all rebuilt.
	I'm going to be doing a lot of work on this.
	So, now apparently I'm in here until they get back.
	How's that fair?
	I did do nothing wrong.
	Well, I guess neither did they, but I'm still gonna mess their cell up.
	What have we got in here?
	Cigarettes.
	Please tell me they didn't take the lighter.
	Did they take off the lighter?
	This is what I had.
	I don't know.
	I don't know.
	Funny thing is, I haven't been in a cell in years.
	I was arrested a few times.
	But you know, you grow up, you know.
	Bye.
	I was arrested for stupid shit.
	fighting in pubs and silly things.
	These cigarettes are a load of arse.
	These cigarettes are a load of arse.
	Thank you.
	What even are these?
	Chesterfield.
	I might...
	mess up their cell a little bit while they're gone, you know? I haven't got to be in here all day.
	So I might sabotage their cell a bit.
	And put noodle wrappers in the toilet.
	I guess I could just take a nice stinky poo and leave it there for one.
	That would get them, wouldn't it?
	That would certainly get them.
	But I'm not going to do that.
	I was going to do that on the floor, get Tristan for real.
	What can I do in the meantime?
	What would annoy Andrew?
	I guess at some point Andrew's gonna train, isn't he?
	He's going to do some push-ups.
	Sure of it, I can see it coming.
	So maybe, maybe, I soak the floor so he has to do wet push-ups and then get back in his bed, wet hands and wet feet.
	I've read again.
	I imagine in the cell that they were in that the floor was cold wet.
	So let's make it a bit more at home.
	I'll keep topping the water up.
	There's a battle raging for your mind.
	If they fail to brainwash you, then they will try their best to restrict your body.
	They will do anything it takes to stop you from telling others the truth.
	Coffee floor.
	Anxi, coffee, wet cold floor.
	In a world of shadows and bonding chains, the time for liberation is near.
	With unmatched perspicacity, wisdom is revealed.
	Your mind, body, and spirit are sharpened, and endless possibilities unfold.
	So stand strong, defy conformity, and rise above.
	Your destiny knows no bounds.
	Resist the sleep custom in there I've been locked up Boom.
	Bye.
	Tristan didn't eat his egg.
	I can now smell the coffee on the floor.
	Cool.
	Bye.
	Nice.
	Maybe if it starts to evaporate as the day goes on it'll caffeinate them more because they're breathing it in.
	Superpower caffeinated oxygen.
	humid, caffeinated oxygen.
	Thank you.
	They didn't.
	They sent me on my own.
	This isn't fair.
	I haven't got anyone.
	This is Solitary.
	No booze in here.
	Just water.
	Hot water.
	Mhm.
	you There's a battle raging for your mind.
	If they fail to brainwash you, then they will try their best to restrict your body.
	They will do anything it takes to stop you from telling others the truth.
	There is a battle raging for your mind.
	If they fail to brainwash you, then they will try their best to restrict your body.
	They will do anything it takes to stop you from telling others the truth.
	You You
	you
	It definitely should have put someone else in here with me me.
	I feel that I'm sitting in solitary by myself.
	There's no one even to talk to.
	I think that people should say in the chat that I deserve a cellmate, right?
	It's only fair.
	I mean, I shouldn't even be here.
	I went from narrator to prisoner.
	.
	In two minutes.
	It took two minutes.
	It's annoying that the boys had to go and sign papers.
	Peace.
	Not gonna lie.
	But I guess when they were in jail they would have had to go to court and things like that anyway, so... It doesn't really change anything.
	It's the same as what would have happened if they were in jail, so... I guess it's an exemption, isn't it?
	If I gave you a million dollars right now, you would not have a sparkle in your eye that women respect.
	You would not have that depth of your character that men respect.
	But if I teach you how to make a million dollars, and you make a million dollars with your own grit and determination, that million dollars becomes far more valuable because you are a more important person.
	It's not just about giving a man a fish, it's about teaching a man to fish.
	And once the man knows how to fish, he has an unspoken aura.
	Something changes about him that makes that money much more valuable.
	And it's detectable.
	Being a rich dork who just found some money on a crypto pump is not a life worth living.
	You need to make that money because as you make that money, you learn everything about negotiation, networking, you learn everything about stress and hard work and determination.
	And those things is going to change your soul and forge you into a man which is respected by your peers and also respected by the females that you're trying to attract.
	And they're going to look at you in a way where they're going to know.
	Ah, I can actually trust this man.
	He didn't find this money.
	He didn't get this money lucky.
	He earned it.
	He's the kind of man who never fails and never loses.
	And that's why it's so important that you earn money.
	Even if I could give you all a million dollars right now, I wouldn't do it.
	It wouldn't be good for you.
	It would be detrimental for you.
	Most of you are not ready for wealth.
	You have to go out there and earn it yourselves.
	We teach absolutely everything on corporatecake.com.
	Our email list is completely free.
	Hustle University costs less than the lunch you ate yesterday.
	We'll teach you how to make money with 18 modern wealth creation methods and the network you're looking for exists inside the world.
	The answers to the dream life you have been looking for already exist.
	If we only exist amongst the month, we're gonna end up with some money.
	That is why you're inside of Hustlers University.
	I'm gonna let me take a picture man, I'm gonna leave it on the wall.
	I'm a big fan. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. Next time for a drink.
	♪ At this vantage point by the steepest cliff slices of five hundred feet He's a satisfaction fictitious, you happy mood's naive ♪ Now I've read in the wide, revised diet of your SIM ♪ Traveling down your list without ceiling ろَ Pew편 $50 ♪ I'm relaxing, you're leaving ♪ Satisfaction ♪ is
	♪ I'm not complaining, I'm not complaining Best car ever ♪ I can drive through smoke, beers, and a beat, I'm a pro ♪ There's a ton of us, I gotta be the five car ♪ We got the one man on ♪ Can I get a photo?
	♪ Get ready lads, we're mature now ♪ I think I broke it ♪ I broke it ♪ I broke it I know I'm the only one ♪ I broke it ♪ I broke it ♪
	I broke it ♪ I broke it How much is the tire on your car?
	Remind me of the bus stop.
	Yeah, it already is.
	That car costs less than the insurance.
	How much is the tyre on your car?
	No, the Bugatti tyre is more than a lot.
	Is Andrew back?
	Yeah, he is.
	I figured that the cells that you were in jail would have been cold and wet.
	It wouldn't have been nice to do exercise on.
	It's worse though in some ways.
	What do you think about it?
	Freezing cold.
	Two people on a super cold floor.
	Yeah.
	It's gayer.
	But we wanted to make it more realistic, right?
	So we need to do it on a cold and wet floor.
	There's no cockroaches, bro.
	Unfortunately, there are.
	So I understand you're playing holding stuff, yeah?
	Yeah, I explained to...
	Oh, here.
	Bye.
	Thank you.
	Thank you.
	Here I am.
	I explained... There are 8,000 people.
	Alright, get the fuck out of my cell.
	It's gonna be a long day, bro.
	Get the fuck out of my cell.
	I don't wanna be in your cell.
	In fact, I'll be in solitary by myself.
	At least you'd have... Fuck off!
	And give Anthony slippers.
	Where is Anthony?
	Yeah, to be fair, I'm not gonna take Anthony's slippers.
	That's not fair.
	I'd rather be in jail by myself.
	I had to go to the police station, because I'm still actually in jail.
	First my jail cell was a room.
	Then my jail cell was my house.
	And now my jail cell is this city.
	So I have to go and sign a piece of paper so the police know that I'm still actually spending my time in the city.
	in jail and now i'm back in jail I'm back in my jail.
	I might live in here forever.
	I might never leave.
	Oh, look who's back.
	Morning!
	Spilled the water, did ya?
	No, Rory did.
	Why the fuck did Rory spill water all over the floor?
	I know.
	That's what I was thinking.
	He's a cunt.
	So, welcome back to jail.
	Thanks.
	Well, you know what they say...
	I'm having a traditional jail breakfast.
	Chesterfield.
	An egg and a cigarette is a pretty traditional jail breakfast.
	It is.
	Can't go wrong with an egg and a cigarette.
	Don't really want to peel the egg though.
	Peeling the egg is very annoying.
	My hand's all peggy.
	It's another day in jail.
	So I'm thinking, Andrew, instead of staying here for 24 hours, why don't we stay for 92 days?
	Starting now.
	Some of the good idea Um...
	Um... The outside world can't bother us.
	All the horrible things outside of these doors, like fresh air and human company, can infect my mind.
	You promised last night you were going to set yourself on fire this morning.
	I did promise last night I was going to set myself on fire this morning.
	I'm starting with a cigarette.
	You don't want to let the world think you're a liar now, do you?
	you. Where are the menthol cigarettes? Are you having fun eating your egg?
	How was your breakfast?
	Bread and an egg.
	That was a good breakfast if we got it.
	But there's always just the one egg.
	That was not terrible.
	Thank you.
	You fucked up.
	You didn't wake up and wrap it in the towel.
	We're slipping on our technique.
	I bet I could still make instant coffee with it.
	it. You cunt. I bet I could still make him some coffee with nice cold water.
	That's what I'm talking about. I'll see you at traditional jail breakfast, mate.
	That certainly is traditional.
	Spoonful of coffee, full pools on the Chesterfield.
	I'm gonna sit in there peeling an egg like a loser, am I?
	You want your breakfast?
	I want a special coffee.
	Well, you let the war go cold, and that's our own fault.
	Well, you can just get replaced and then halt war.
	We woke up when the guards searched the room, and we didn't take the war and wrap it in a towel because we're amateurs.
	Are you listening?
	We've lost the technique of jail living.
	I feel like we need to spend more time here to get back used to it.
	I'll sell you my egg for 12 cigarettes.
	I'll steal your egg.
	You won't steal my egg.
	We will.
	You won't.
	I made a shank last night.
	I made a shank last night.
	If you try and steal my egg, I will kill you.
	I want you to know that.
	Live on Rumble.
	Most viral stream ever.
	Tate Brothers.
	Hundreds of millions of dollars in net worth.
	stab each other to death over egg.
	In fact, I'm gonna eat my egg.
	How's the bread?
	It's good.
	It was a really good day in jail when with your egg you got a slice of sour cheese.
	What do you think a fair amount of time would have been to actually hold us in jail?
	Thank you.
	Zero?
	I think a forgivable amount of time would have been 48 hours.
	48 hours is a forgivable amount of time for an innocent man.
	Especially when you have all the evidence that proves you're completely innocent.
	Like CCTV.
	Like the false accuser literally admitting it.
	And they had that the whole time.
	I think 48 hours would have been acceptable. And forgivable.
	I'll trade you my egg for 12 cigarettes.
	Rumor has it, because I can't read the Rumble chatroom, but rumor has it, Andrew, you're too scared to eat a spoonful of coffee.
	I doubt that's a rumor.
	I think it is.
	I reckon right now people are spamming the chat with Andrew's too scared to eat his morning spoonful of coffee.
	Mmm.
	Good egg.
	Eat your fucking coffee.
	I'll make a coffee in a minute.
	Wait for the floor to dry.
	So you're scared?
	Bye.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Afraid.
	What's today's Quran verse?
	I don't know.
	Go find out.
	And I'll see you next time.
	Mm.
	Bye.
	Good breakfast.
	I'm gonna write a letter.
	Bye.
	Like in jail.
	Write letters to our home country's embassies.
	So they can tell us to fuck off and rot in jail.
	Hi.
	I'm a citizen of your country.
	I've been falsely imprisoned.
	Please can you assist me?
	No. Losers.
	Okay.
	Smoke a fucking cigarette.
	Why'd you throw the lighter down the crack in my bed, you prick?
	Oh, because I hate you and everything you stand for.
	The sight of your face fills me with anger and rage.
	Ah, the first jail cigarette of the day.
	Thank you.
	You know, Snow, it's gonna be a good day when you wake up in jail and smoke a cigarette for breakfast, you know?
	You just know it's going to be a pleasant day.
	Don't we get mail at some point?
	Yeah, mail comes in 10 minutes.
	And the mail is super chats that people have been sending us.
	Nice.
	Okay.
	Four ducks live in a pond in the middle of a forest.
	Do you want to hear a genuinely really hilarious joke?
	It's really funny, do you want to hear it?
	What did the strong inmate say to the weak inmate in jail?
	Eat your fucking coffee.
	It's a good joke, isn't it?
	Why do you think calling me weak is an insult?
	It's 2023, being strong doesn't matter.
	Oh, being strong doesn't matter.
	So like, if I had gone to jail in Romania with all those criminals and I was just weak, it wouldn't matter at all.
	They'd just leave me alone, wouldn't they?
	Yeah, because you're a feminist.
	So if I was weak and I was a feminist and I had blue or pink hair and I went to Romanian jail, it's fine because you don't need to be strong anymore.
	I just explain to the violent psychopaths in jail.
	Correct.
	Who have been in jail for 20 years since before the world was this way.
	Correct.
	That being physically strong and powerful doesn't matter at all.
	And we're all equals in the jail cell.
	Correct.
	Or, or thought experiment.
	Would that weak, blue-haired, pink-haired feminist be fucking cleaning everyone's shoes and tidying the room and doing foot massages and blowjobs?
	Strength is real.
	You need to be strong.
	No, you don't.
	I take back everything I've ever taught.
	You take back everything you've ever taught?
	It's important that you're an ally to the community.
	What community?
	Do I have to guess?
	All right, if you had the power, would you rather have superhuman strength or superhuman empathy?
	I already have superhuman strength.
	I would choose superhuman empathy and be weak.
	You know, all the Greek philosophers, all of them, although you imagine them as old men wearing robes because they did eventually get old, were all soldiers and athletes.
	All of them.
	Plato isn't even Plato's name.
	Plato means broad, like wide.
	It was his wrestling name and no one knows his real name.
	It's the equivalent of like in 2000 years time, Dwayne Johnson just being known as The Rock and his real name being lost to history.
	So Plato, one of the greatest philosophers, goes by his wrestling name and his wrestling name is broad because he was big and scary.
	I'm the greatest philosopher and I go by the name Top G.
	You are a bit like a modern day philosopher.
	For the record guys, Andrew and Tristan cannot see the chat.
	They have a TV behind the camera with a Romanian channel playing but we're playing it on mute simply because otherwise it interferes with the microphones.
	They cannot see the chat.
	Philosophy for the strong will have its What is it?
	We'll have a society ruled by cowards and its wars fought by idiots.
	It's thinking done by cowards.
	Yeah, yeah, that's it.
	It's something done by... We'll have a thinking done by cowards and its battles fought by fools.
	It's very true.
	And here we are today.
	Here we are today.
	Very few world leaders are physically intimidating.
	.
	President of Mongolia is G. You won't want to fight the president of Mongolia.
	I have faith in that country because the President's a hench.
	Burkina Faso, he's a warrior.
	I have faith in that country because the President's a hench.
	I have faith in that country because the President's a hench.
	I don't think you'd be welcome.
	Why?
	You're a dickhead.
	Why wouldn't I be welcome in the Amish community?
	You're a dickhead.
	I don't think that's a requirement.
	I don't think being a dickhead disqualifies you from being in the Amish community because I bet there are plenty of Amish dickheads.
	I've never heard an Amish person call another Amish person a dickhead.
	I've never really heard an Amish person.
	Where are you going to hear them?
	On the radio?
	I can join a community you've never heard.
	I've seen them.
	I spoke to him at length and we all talked about me and every single Amish person.
	I had a meeting with the Amish and they said look.
	You're not welcome.
	Ezekiel told me.
	Ezekiel's a G name.
	Ezekiel is a G name.
	I need to bring the name Ezekiel back.
	Ezekiel Tate.
	I might fucking use that if I have a son.
	Think of all the things we could have accomplished in 92 days of not being locked in a room.
	I'm not going to be locked in a room.
	. .
	We need to get some marble statues made.
	faith.
	Thanks.
	Listening.
	Thank you.
	you.
	We need marble statues of us made.
	You heard the man.
	Thank you.
	Thank you very much.
	Thanks.
	Nice.
	cut the pile in half Right.
	First, you and me.
	Well, most of these are just thank you messages.
	Let's go through one by one.
	Well, then it's time to go on to Fresh and Fit.
	I would like to do Fresh and Fit soon, but I think that's also going to be one of the most important podcasts to do when all of this is completely over.
	We can speak absolutely freely.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Full expose.
	Buy yourself some JL6, thank you very much.
	Can I come visit you for one day, Andrew and Tristan?
	No, you can't, because I don't know who you are, and you're probably not interesting, so I don't want to talk to you.
	Yeah, I want you to understand at home, I appreciate the messages of, hi, I want to come visit you, hi, I want to come see you, hi, can you mentor me, hi, can I come work for you, I'll be... Thousands of messages read that exact same thing per day.
	If I need anyone for anything, I can find them within the war room, one.
	Two, In a day and age when I get hundreds of letters every day, 99 from fans who adore me and one from assassins threatening to kill my family, if you come to my gate I'm not going to walk out and talk to you.
	I don't know who you are.
	I don't know if you're an enemy or a friend.
	So although I might be polite if you see me on the street, don't come to my house. No, you cannot come visit me.
	Max Wood sent six messages.
	I I can't put into words how grateful I am.
	When you're gone I'll be telling the story of Andrew Tristan Tate to my grandchildren's children.
	The Tates we trust.
	Blah blah blah.
	I'm going to the gym, I'm making myself healthier.
	All the usual stuff.
	Well good for you Max.
	you to be a better version of yourself.
	PotionSeller96, God bless you, takes his $20 for his Tate Pledge that I hope goes to good use.
	It does.
	I guarantee Tate Pledge is the most efficient charity on the planet.
	All these other charities, less than 10% of the money ends up helping people.
	Tate Pledge, all the money.
	Bureaucracy, staff, we have people on the ground who spend all the money we send them helping the people we intend to help.
	That's it.
	We take zero money, zero admin fees, zero anything, and we just keep throwing money into it.
	Best charity in the world.
	So yeah, it'll go to very good use.
	If you only had to tell yourself one sentence to push yourself as hard as possible, what would it be?
	Depends on the scenario, I guess.
	But it's a good question.
	Come back to that one.
	If you're a young man and you're at home, maybe the man who wrote that, what I would say is this.
	Because you're asking us for advice and you're asking us for help, and we get asked for help and advice all the time.
	I would look myself in the mirror, I'd take off my shirt, in shape or out of shape, I'd look at my fat body, or maybe you're out of shape, or maybe you're in shape, I don't know, and I'd look myself in the eyes and I'd say, only you can help yourself.
	That's what I would say to myself.
	Because a lot of people reach out to me for advice and they reach out to me thinking that a message from me is going to change their life, but it isn't.
	You've got the power to change your own life, right there with you, right now.
	Nothing I say or do is going to make you do the work.
	So, no, you're in control of yourself.
	I said, hey, haha, hey.
	Okay, I know what a song that is.
	I don't need to hear that again.
	Thank you for everything, Andrew Tristan.
	Very welcome.
	We are the Top G's.
	I love you guys so much.
	I try to message you every day.
	I want to bring you chocolate when my passport comes.
	Thank you for bringing people closer to God.
	from a young woman of God.
	Female fans, which we have a lot of.
	People underestimate how many women actually adore us.
	I know you, Tristan, are holding it down.
	Keep up the good work.
	God is with you.
	I'll see you when you get out.
	Inshallah from Walgreens. Central Europe.
	I'm about to go running.
	Just for the discipline.
	Keep killing it, you guys.
	Don't let them win.
	Big respect from Slovakia.
	Thank you, Jaeger Samba.
	Slovakia is Eastern Europe.
	I'm sick of you all saying Central Europe.
	You're just trying to disassociate yourselves from the other Slavs and the Romanians and pretend that you're different.
	Eastern Europe.
	Slovakia is Eastern Europe.
	Well, technically, it's more west in parts of Italy and... There's a line called the Iron Curtain.
	East of the Iron Curtain is Eastern Europe.
	West of the Iron Curtain is Western Europe.
	There is no Central Europe.
	You are a Slavic people.
	Stop saying Central Europe.
	Only Slovaks and Czechs do this, and it makes you sound retarded.
	You're welcome.
	Good night, Takes.
	Hope you're doing well.
	I've not had any life experiences.
	Should I join the War Room?
	You should join the War Room whether you've had experiences or not.
	Because without a brotherhood and a strong network, you're always going to be an unimportant loser.
	So you already know the answer to the question.
	I'm not sure why you're asking me when you know the answer.
	Swimpimp says, start playing a slide whistle at random times.
	Well, this is jail.
	There are no slide whistles.
	This isn't a fucking fairground.
	Tristan, here's $10 to pay off Bewitched for your copy of C'est La Vie.
	I looked them up and they were touring in the UK performing as early as this year.
	So we can go to a Bewitched concert and you can give them the £10 you owe them.
	In person.
	If you're not afraid.
	What I'll do is I'll just buy tickets to their concert and not show up.
	That way they've been compensated for copying their CD.
	Scared, eh?
	Scared to look them in the eyes and tell them what you've done.
	Scared to finally face up to it like a man.
	Typical you.
	I'm always debating teachers in school who try and spread lies about you.
	No matter the outcome, you're making history, and you two will be talked about long after you're gone.
	Thank you for everything.
	Thank you, guys.
	And yes, teachers are number one Matrix agents.
	They don't want to know the truth or spread the truth about anything.
	But we will win in the end.
	Good morning, Andrew and Tristan.
	Interesting stream.
	Were the lights really on in the real cells all the time?
	Yes.
	Yes, they were.
	They want to make sure that when they look in the cell, they can see what you're up to.
	They want to make sure no one's trying to kill themselves.
	So yes, the lights are on at all times.
	We had a system where we could kind of use a t-shirt to cover it a bit.
	That made it a bit darker.
	But yeah, the light was on all the time.
	Again, this is the same stupid question. We get versions of this all the time.
	I want you, Mr. Emery and Mr. Tristan, to teach me how to be the best person, not myself.
	This is my Instagram.
	One, I don't have Instagram, so I can't contact you.
	Two, I won't.
	Because I am not your ticket out of the situation you're in in life.
	You are your own ticket out of that situation.
	I was my ticket out of being broke, and being lame, and being uneducated, and being dumb.
	I fixed that for myself, and you could fix that for yourself.
	What you can't expect is two multi-millionaires who are intensely busy to start messaging you on Instagram and assisting you in any way with the basic motivation you need to be the best version of yourself, because you already know what you need to do.
	Train your body, train your mind.
	I can't do it for you.
	People are very excited to see your expedition with your mate Neil and Matt Shea.
	Oh, shut up.
	On the USS Spectrum.
	I forgot that was a thing.
	The world hasn't forgotten, mate.
	In the process of having a sales job but my boxing gym's only open within a certain time, how do I balance the time?
	Find a way, but do both.
	What's the donations to take pledge, which is amazing.
	Loads.
	Tiffany Robertson, I'm proud of you reliving this trauma.
	You know what?
	This is kind of like reliving the trauma.
	This reminds me of being in actual prison.
	It's basically the same.
	I can't imagine for a second reliving my trauma.
	I'm very sad that you had to go through this.
	I sent you a very personal story.
	Use your phone time to check your X messages.
	There is no phone time in jail.
	That doesn't exist, but obviously I will hopefully be released from this relatively soon.
	And maybe I'll have time to check my X messages, but I'll probably have thousands.
	We'll see.
	Sneeko, emergency sleeping.
	Nice.
	Nice.
	Blessings, gentlemen, sending you unlimited energy from Nina, our friend Nina.
	Grateful for you always, from a girl.
	Blessings, gentlemen, from a girl as well.
	The girls love our stuff.
	They like our stream.
	You guys are the final piece of the puzzle I've been looking to for years.
	God led me to you and I was seeking the truth.
	Thank guys.
	Thanks guys.
	From Cobus.
	Good for you.
	Thank you.
	I'm gonna read more later.
	War is cold, there's nothing in there.
	Whistling A terminal cancer patient, so I can't pledge more money.
	I wish I could. I've been to jail.
	Yeah.
	We decided before doing this stream that we weren't going to put on a show, do anything crazy, do anything wild.
	This is not a stream.
	I'm not a clown.
	I'm not Pudgy Aiden.
	If you're listening.
	I am Tristan Tate and I want you all to see what jail was like.
	There's no stimulus.
	There's nothing to prompt conversations.
	You just hear with your thoughts and your cigarettes.
	And we occasionally got mail.
	And the mail read all very much like this.
	It was all very supportive.
	So I appreciate all the people, all the real ones who sent me real letters in jail.
	I'm saving mine for later.
	Saving the fun.
	Bro Shaughnessy, the brotherly bond you share is powerful.
	You both have inspired me to rebuild my relationship with the three brothers I have.
	We're going to make you proud.
	Keep working hard.
	Andrew Ahmed 51561816 asks if we're ever going to see top G sparkling water.
	Working on it.
	I'm going to save some for later.
	Thank you.
	Okay.
	Oh, this is an interesting one.
	Tristan, how come you are an origami master and your brother is incapable of even folding a piece of paper in half?
	It's a very interesting question.
	Very interesting.
	Why is that?
	How did I become so good at origami?
	When you made zero effort in your life to ever attempt anything difficult.
	I guess you're just a shit person.
	Also, they called you a pussy for not eating your breakfast coffee spoon.
	and they've got a point.
	I'm going to falsely accuse you of stealing my coffee.
	I'm going to accuse you of stealing my coffee.
	You should put Pudgy Pudgy Aiden in jail.
	Why?
	Helping grow as a person.
	Sitting on a fucking porn hub all day, scrolling up and down TikTok.
	Getting some real jail time away from the devices.
	Did that kid called being up ever reach out to you?
	What, you?
	No, not me.
	You get beaten up after you see Bewitched.
	And then you'll reach out to me for help.
	That's not true.
	Bewitched are gonna hurt you.
	I don't think that's true at all.
	For what you've done.
	I actually think that Bewitched are going to have their social medias blown up and get a little bit bigger because we mention them so much on the stream.
	Uh oh.
	So we have no chest, we have no scrabble, we have no backgammon.
	Bye.
	We can't both partake in origami, of course, of course, because you're completely useless.
	Because I could fold a frog.
	No you can't.
	Go away.
	You've done a crane. If you can do a frog too, I'll admit you're actually still a little hard on me.
	Give me 15 minutes of meditation to remember all those.
	See? Can't.
	Yes, I can.
	Where then?
	Where's this frog come from?
	Wait, I have to remember all the fucking origami folds.
	Still tapping.
	Not until I see a frog folded from paper.
	Oh, I'll make you a fucking frog fold for paper, you punk.
	What are your thoughts on the guy?
	I'm sorry.
	It is very dangerous to be a man nowadays.
	I don't even know what the answer is to it.
	It's insanity.
	Genuinely dangerous.
	You're out to get all of us.
	As much as you and me.
	Every single person with a voice that you're trying to destroy.
	Any man who tells the truth, you're gonna try and destroy him.
	So you've got to lead by example.
	As long as you've got millions of people all following your example, they can't lock everyone up.
	They'll cut the head off the snake, though.
	Turn everyone into a little bitch because the camera won't change your take content anymore.
	That'll certainly help.
	It's certainly a snake worth cutting the head off.
	I think we can rejoice in one thing, though, Andrew.
	It didn't fucking work, did it?
	None of the things they've tried against us so far have worked.
	Cancellation.
	Okay, yeah.
	Do you feel cancelled?
	Bigger than ever.
	Oh, let's say they're bad people and they commit sexual crimes and lock them up in jail.
	People will just forget them then.
	Sure.
	Didn't work.
	Nice try.
	Could have at least hired some actresses to pretend to be fake victims like the BBC did.
	What do you mean Sophie's super real?
	Oh the imaginary BBC victims. That no federal agency...
	Now I can't sing.
	Or write songs.
	but the BBC somehow can just pull out whenever they want.
	I'm thinking of becoming a country and Western music star.
	Now I can't sing or write songs or play instruments, but I feel like I could pull it off just from the look alone, you know?
	Go to a cowboy tailor, get a suit cut, hat, boots, carry a guitar around on my back.
	The image would be so monumentally cool that people will just accept I'm a country and western music star without having to have any of the talent of, say, Jason Alde.
	What do you think?
	Pull a Milli Vanilli?
	Young people don't know what that is.
	If you could go back in time and change one thing about your life, what would you change?
	I would change my life.
	I do everything the same, I just speak to you less.
	Go, go to the toilet.
	Ask the guards for hot water.
	Go.
	I did not see any guards.
	So it looks like there's no hot water.
	Also, I personally dislike you.
	Thank you.
	So I don't think you deserve Walter.
	Why is there water spilling on the floor?
	Yeah, that will only sit on the shelf for five fucking minutes.
	It's like the nightmare inmate.
	When I was in jail, I met a guy who had a cellmate who wouldn't stop shitting his pants.
	That's a bit like having Rory, isn't it?
	I don't know.
	Thank you.
	I'll sell you my lada for 40 cigarettes.
	Interested?
	No.
	Bye.
	I'm actually the inventor of ice cream.
	Did you know that?
	That's how I got so rich.
	I invented ice cream.
	Don't you?
	I need to train.
	This wet floor shit's fucking stressing me out.
	Yeah, same.
	It's ruined my entire day.
	I'm gonna train legs and arms.
	shoulder hurts for push-ups Admit that you're in jail I'm sorry, I'm not.
	I'm sorry.
	Oh Oh Uh Uh
	Did you know? That I speak
	so well that when I speak, my voice travels at the speed of sound?
	.
	Did you know that?
	And you can always see me because the photons that bounce off my skin travel at the speed of light.
	Bye.
	Bye.
	Isn't that impressive?
	You can get hot water from a guard.
	no guards why coffee contest I've already had my coffee mate, I don't need hot water.
	Because I'm not a little crybaby like you.
	Scared of eating his spoonful of coffee.
	Give it to me.
	What am I, your fucking butler?
	Yeah.
	Morning coffee, eh?
	Yep.
	Spoonful of morning coffee.
	Keeps it nice and refreshed.
	How is it?
	Get your combat ready.
	Keep your blood pressure nice and high.
	I guess it was an efficient way to have a nice morning coffee.
	To be honest with you.
	Instead of making it, stirring it.
	It was very efficient.
	Mixing it.
	It's too hot to drink.
	This was the way.
	Floor's drying.
	Thank you.
	It'll be in today's training.
	Then we've got more letters to do.
	Now I cancelled today.
	Reading letters, training, eating lunch.
	I might cancel all of it.
	Just cancel it.
	Have a nice relaxing day in jail.
	Thanks for watching.
	Who's counting?
	Are you Mr. Time?
	I'm Mr. Time.
	What's 2 plus 2?
	4.
	No, you're wrong.
	It's 5.
	Why is it 5?
	You have 2, right?
	There's 2 things.
	And what's 5 minus 2?
	I'm asking you what 5 minus 2 is.
	So if you add two to that, it's five, right?
	You're right, I'm sorry.
	So you apologize to me.
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	What?
	Okay.
	Thank you.
	Did you know I hold the world record for the most steps walked from bed?
	Don't I?
	Who has ever walked that many steps in bed before?
	Until me.
	Pretty sure I invented that technique.
	Ah, pacing up and down.
	That'll tick it.
	Something's never changed, Frank.
	Why were we in jail for three months?
	I'm going to go with the K buds.
	TikTok.
	I'm going to go with the K.
	Everyone knows that human trafficking means buying and selling people, usually to force them to work into prostitution.
	That's what it means in every country in the world.
	If what we're accused of is stealing money from TikTok creator funds, why did they name it human trafficking?
	And why have we been called human traffickers for 15 months?
	Because like surely if I went to Aiden Ross's house and nicked money from his twitch streaming fund They wouldn't say I human trafficked him Bye.
	yeah it's a horrible attempt to slander your name so
	so jail's a low energy environment I think if you tried to be high energy in jail you'd end up fucking smashing your head against a wall.
	You would.
	No I wouldn't.
	I'm sure we don't have any Judge Judy.
	No.
	Wow.
	the next video.
	Most important life advice I've ever received was from Rory.
	I doubt that.
	Whoa!
	He gave me the most important life advice ever.
	He said, no matter what happens, Tristan, you can't trust your brother.
	Did you hear me?
	He's right.
	Thanks.
	He's right.
	Don't worry.
	I didn't want that bread.
	Actually, I was saving that bread for later.
	I'm gonna burn your feet with my lighter.
	Did you hear me?
	I think you're too scared to set your beard on fire.
	If I had my jail beard, I would light it on fire to prove a point.
	Count me loathe.
	You forgot about the county though, didn't you?
	I might ruin my spot and read all my superchats now.
	I'm not a fan of the word, but I'm not a fan of the word.
	I'm not a fan of the word.
	Watching the G's sleep is substantially more entertaining than watching Aiden Ross.
	Huh. Huh. Totally true.
	Thank you Andre Poulet.
	Joe says thanks for transforming me.
	Lost my path at 22 after dad's passing.
	God rebuilt me through you.
	I'm unbreakable at 24, starting a company with my brother.
	TurboTurps said this makes you feel connected to Andrew watching him sleep.
	It feels like watching the clan leader sleep back in the day.
	It makes him more real and more authentic.
	I do sleep, even though I am a cybernetic organism now.
	I used to not sleep, but I started recently.
	Can you imagine in 10 years how many rich, successful millionaires there are going to be in the world who all have our backs and like us?
	Because of us, yeah.
	We've made them rich.
	True.
	Right now it's hard because we've got millions of fans, but I'm telling you, in 10 to 15 years' time, there'll be men in positions of power, politicians, people who all grew up watching our show.
	True.
	They're not going to grow up to be geeks, are they, and listen to us?
	You're a geek.
	You're a geek!
	You look like a geek.
	You look like a geek.
	You look like more of a geek than Matt Shack.
	I thought I was borrowing something from the cigarette.
	Here, smoke a cigarette.
	Smoke a cigarette while it dries, obviously, because the heat of the cigarette coming off of your face will assist the evaporation on a micron level.
	You listening?
	Micro evaporation of the floor.
	It's very important that you smoke that cigarette.
	See?
	Now we're doing something.
	Now we're doing something productive.
	Now we're getting somewhere.
	Exactly.
	Look how much drier the floor looks already.
	Because the micro-heat from the lighter increases this room's temperature.
	The thing is about temperatures, and I'm really worried about this, Hedger, genuinely.
	I'm very scared.
	About climate change.
	I feel like we need to do more with our massive fan base.
	To help climate change.
	We get mail again at 4pm if anyone wants to send more mail.
	We get mail again at 4pm.
	It's after inspection, isn't it?
	It's like 8pm.
	Yeah, 7pm.
	seven. Your mail again at eight. Anyone wants to send more, more messages, more mail? Appreciate it.
	But the climate change, Andrew.
	Okay?
	We need to fix it.
	it. Don't you think? The climate is changing and we need to fix it.
	Thank you.
	How are you going to make sure your sons don't grow up as dickheads when you're a billionaire?
	Because you'll be a billionaire by the time you have any sons that reach an age that you need to teach them things.
	Easy work.
	It is actually very easy, isn't it?
	Kick a little bit of shit out of them.
	Teach them a lesson about the real world.
	Make sure they have no money.
	Yeah.
	I have friends who own Starbucks franchises and shit here.
	You work here.
	This is your job.
	Get a friend in the UAE government to get him a job sweeping the streets for 20 bucks a day.
	Yeah.
	In the hot sun.
	This is the real world.
	You want something, you make 20 bucks a day, go and sweep the streets.
	Massa.
	Massa.
	Nice. Thank you guys.
	Appreciate it.
	Thank you.
	Nice.
	That's Massa.
	Bowl of potato soup.
	You know, They're doing a good job.
	They've really nailed the authenticity.
	Lukewarm potato soup with one single piece of chicken in it.
	Yeah, it's master time.
	I did tell them to make sure this- What the fuck is this?
	A spork?
	It's an abomination.
	It's a fork one side and a spoon the other side.
	It's like fucking transgender.
	Is this you?
	Did you do this?
	This is something to do with you, isn't it?
	No.
	It must be!
	This is a fucking disgrace!
	I've seen a spork before, but I've never seen this level of degeneracy in an eating utensil before in my life, and I am strongly suspecting you as the culprit.
	I'm not, though.
	You must have something to do with this!
	I didn't manufacture that.
	I don't own an Indian plastic bag.
	Is this what you use to eat on your little spaceship?
	You and Neil.
	In a gravity-free environment, I don't imagine you'd use... Oh, gravity-free, huh?
	So they just float around everywhere all around you.
	You and Neil, naked, flying around the universe with these, flying in between your private parts.
	They're fucking weird.
	This soup is really horrible and salty.
	salty.
	We did say make sure the soup isn't delicious.
	and it's not.
	I didn't watch all of it.
	One more time.
	You didn't watch all of what?
	Neil deGrasse Tyson explaining how there's a gender spectrum.
	Explain again, how does he as a scientist, so he says X, Y, X, he must acknowledge chromosomes, right?
	He says XX chromosomes, XY chromosomes.
	He tries to use the old adage that gender and sex aren't linked, which they are, 100%.
	And he says, That you could feel 80%... I could feel 80% like a female one day and wear makeup.
	And I could take my makeup off and feel like I'm 80% male.
	And he said that because in this country we have something called the pursuit of happiness.
	I read it somewhere.
	The pursuit of happiness is in obviously the American Constitution.
	He said that why does it... If I have the pursuit of happiness and I want to believe that I'm a man or a woman and that my gender is fluid, what business is it of yours and why are you so strongly opposed to it?
	Is basically his point.
	And I'm like, Pursuit of Happiness, I don't think the sun's a star, I think it's a planet.
	What the fuck?
	So he's fully cut down and sold out to a slave trader.
	You know what I think?
	Here's what I think.
	I reckon he's been cheating on his wife, homosexual affair, something that they have on him, and as one of the loudest voices in science, they said, read this script.
	No.
	Anyway, I reckon they have something on him.
	I genuinely think that somebody important had some dirt on him because everybody besides us seemingly has skeletons in their fucking closet. Everybody.
	Homosexual affair aboard a starship traveling around the solar system on a loser tour to Venus and Jupiter. Anyway, I reckon they have something on him. I'm onto you, mate.
	You want me to make you a coffee with my my alpaca. I've got the color.
	Would you like a coffee?
	Apicalda Pentru Catea.
	Hold on.
	The only one, the only guy who's stuck by his guns, who rejects God, is In the way that he thinks that he's living a completely, everything has to be fact-based, everything has to be fact-based.
	Oh, we're not sure about the Bible and the Quran, but we're the only god of atheists who've rejected God.
	Here's the thing.
	I came to the conclusion, Andrew.
	Atheism isn't a lack of belief in God.
	Atheism is actually a cult of devil worship.
	And years ago, when I was an atheist, I didn't believe this was true.
	I used to believe, of course, they're not devil worshipers, because devil worshipers, you don't believe in the devil if you're an atheist.
	Because when I was an atheist, I didn't believe in any devils.
	But let me tell you something.
	If you purport to be an atheist, and your reasoning is that you have a worldview that rejects faith and is completely based on what we can measure with human instruments and human science, despite the fact that we're probably still very primitive compared to where we're going to be.
	If that is your worldview, then you should reject things like men are women and women are men immediately.
	In fact, you should be the first to reject them out of all the people in the universe.
	But the fact that all of these famous atheists are all now saying men can get pregnant, women can have penises, just goes to show that it is a cult of degeneracy and a cult of devil worship.
	It's nothing to do with a disbelief in things you can't prove.
	Clearly, one man, Richard Dawkins, stuck to his guns.
	He's the only one.
	He's the only one who asked, when asked about transgenderism, can men be women and women be men, he went, no, no, I'm a biologist, no, they can't.
	Fair play to him.
	Grumpy old Englishman as well.
	Yeah.
	Fair play to Richard Dolphins.
	Credit to him for dying on that sword.
	I remember, I remember telling you before they all sold out that I remember literally saying, Nildegrass Tyson's not smart.
	Why does everyone say he's smart?
	He's not smart, he's just a dork.
	Yeah.
	I knew it.
	I'm never wrong about anybody ever.
	I can see into their souls.
	But it's a spectrum.
	I want to hire Tony Jaa from Ombak to float through life.
	Elbow to the top of the head.
	He just flies out the corner of the room.
	Flying elbow.
	Well, actually, it's a spectrum.
	Boom!
	Yeah.
	And then he does the... thing with his hands wrapped.
	Tony Joffrey on the back, yeah.
	I think that's the solution.
	I think it might fix it.
	Every time we say it's a spectrum, he comes flying into the spinning elbow.
	Bang!
	Might put him aboard your little pretty spaceship.
	I'm gonna make a television series.
	I'm gonna make a television series better than your television series.
	No matter what happens in your television series, mine will be better.
	It'll be double.
	Double the amount of characters.
	Double the amount of words.
	Double the amount of scenes.
	Double the length.
	No matter what you do, I will surpass you.
	Go on.
	Make something.
	What's gonna happen to your little show?
	Your little pee pee show.
	Go on.
	Take a little pee pee.
	It's gonna be about a man.
	Mine's gonna be about two men.
	named Andrew. Only about two men called Andrew. He could go to jail twice as long.
	How long do you think you could stay in this room?
	That's true. 92 days.
	You could do another 92 days.
	Thank you.
	Tristan, I love domestic planners.
	If he decides we have to go back to jail, for years.
	That'd be nuts.
	After everyone now knowing it's a scam and Candace Owens completely exposing how someone was set here to set us up and how they found no evidence so came up with a TikTok story and no one's ever been trafficked anywhere.
	It would be wild if they sent us to jail.
	Wild.
	It's a wild world.
	Ooh baby, baby, it's a wild world.
	Why aren't me and you scared or intimidated by this?
	By these people?
	99% of people would be scared in our situation.
	who we are. We're survivors.
	No, isn't it?
	In the warrior's code, there's no surrender.
	99% of people would be scared in our situation.
	We put ourselves in jail for practice.
	Spirit cries, never.
	Deep in our souls, quiet Edinburgh.
	Know it's you against you.
	It's the paradox that drives us all.
	It's a battle of wills in the heat of the cell.
	It's the passion that kills.
	Why do we just sing and dance?
	The victory is yours.
	You know what?
	That's our ultimate victory.
	So forget that they made us a lot more famous.
	Forget that they galvanized our fan base.
	Forget that next year we're probably going to make more money than we would have ever made if they hadn't done this to us.
	Forget that everything that they've done has had the opposite effect.
	The worst thing for these nerds must be that they haven't upset us.
	I mean, you could have at least upset me.
	Nah, I'm fine, mate.
	A little bit of jail?
	Fuck you.
	Got cigarettes?
	Can't stop me from smoking.
	And they find somewhere buried in old communist Romanian law somewhere.
	A precedent that allows them to stop me from smoking cigarettes, they'll give me.
	Like this. Right over here.
	Where's the pen?
	Shit.
	He fucking got me.
	Cigarette.
	There's a cigarette in my Bible.
	I better smoke it then.
	I better smoke it.
	There's a cigarette.
	In my Bible.
	He planted one there.
	Because he knew I'd find it.
	Because he knew at some point I was going to open the Bible.
	Where's the pen, you stupid cunt?
	I asked you a question.
	You had it last.
	Why don't you fuck off?
	Okay?
	Just fuck off.
	No one likes you in the world.
	I don't know where the pen is.
	I lost it on purpose.
	You need a pen.
	Where's the pen?
	Uh, fuck off?
	Must be over there.
	on the desk with the things.
	Do you know that's a lie?
	I did have it, didn't I?
	I sat down here and pretended to write my imaginary embassy that was completely useless to me.
	Exactly.
	Mind you, our own embassy's wanting us in jail.
	You know the cool thing about this story?
	I'll allude to some spoilers.
	I'll allude to some.
	A year and a half ago, me and you knew that somebody was sent here to lie, and the evidence was clear that they lied.
	We weren't allowed to say it.
	Other people have now leaked it.
	That's good.
	We've actually known all of this crap, and we're sitting there being asked about human trafficking, saying, I can't talk about the case, knowing that the accusation is that we stole from a TikTok creator, and there's no money in the file.
	We've known this the whole time, and we haven't been allowed to say it.
	Which is nuts, because now the world's waking up, being like, whoa, what the fuck?
	When this is all over, the shit that we'll be able to tell the world about why this is all happening will blow everyone's minds.
	Because all that information is inside my brain already, I just can't say it.
	When I was in jail...
	And they took me out to the press, and I handed that piece of paper to the press.
	It went viral.
	It was Tristan Pulzo's stunt.
	And it said, I'm in jail because my two friends made TikTok videos in 2021, and they think that I forced them to make the TikToks.
	That's why I'm in jail.
	Everyone read that letter, and the press all dismissed it.
	The next week, it was still, maybe they've been kidnapping.
	No, I hate to admit things.
	Charges have been filed, and that's what the charges are.
	That I've- I've been doing crimes behind your back.
	You've been doing crimes behind my back the whole time.
	What crimes have you committed, Andrew?
	Confess your sins.
	I confess to stealing from Bewitched.
	But you won't face them face-to-face, will you?
	Tell me what crimes you've committed.
	Will you face Bewitched face-to-face?
	Yeah, sure.
	What crimes have you committed?
	If you promise, you'll meet them in person to pay them £10.
	I promise.
	I'll reach out to them on X, and I'll see what they say.
	You owe them £10, mate.
	I know I do.
	I'll pay your debts.
	So?
	What crimes have you secretly been committing behind my back?
	Loads.
	I hope you haven't been human trafficking anyone, because they're more fun.
	Yeah, I have, yeah.
	Shit.
	Rory, Bailey, all the guys here, they're all human trafficking.
	Yeah.
	Fuck.
	Does Rory have TikTok?
	I think so.
	Okay.
	And just like our other victims, you've stolen zero dollars from his creator fund.
	Correct, yeah.
	Shit, that's human trafficking.
	Fuck!
	We're in real trouble now.
	What are we going to do?
	Is the floor dry yet?
	The floor is basically dry, yes.
	Five minutes.
	I'm going to do hundreds of bicep curls with these water bottles.
	jailhouse Aikido right there.
	That's what that is.
	Bye!
	Bye!
	It's a bit complex for the normal man to understand.
	It's quite a complex scenario.
	That soup was actually horrible.
	It was almost inedible.
	Very authentic.
	Authentically awful.
	Yeah.
	I mean, we do have gourmet chefs working at our house.
	to make the chefs make a nice soup.
	I get to enjoy my meal in jail.
	Throw my whole fucking mood off.
	And we have no attractive prison guards to flirt with.
	I used to flirt with that prison guard all the time.
	Almost as good.
	Almost as good.
	Thank you.
	You know, I bet Jail misses me.
	I bet Jail was exciting when we were there.
	It was a big thing.
	Crowds outside.
	It was sexy.
	You know?
	It was a cool story.
	I bet Jail's rubbish.
	It's filled with criminals.
	I guess as it should be.
	I guess jails should be boring and filled with criminals.
	Not exciting and filled with innocent men.
	That would make sense.
	Would you do a bicycle war on the floor again?
	No, I do not.
	To fuck with your schedule.
	Please don't do that.
	But I don't like you.
	Why don't you like me?
	Bye.
	many reasons i remember jaden tried to do push-ups on the screen it's the worst thing ever so
	someone's fucked with one of my plate bowls look this has more water than the other one so i'm gonna have to fill it up and balance it that's it.
	I'll show you guys the art of jail workouts.
	So, let's get started.
	When you're free from jail, what car are you going to drive and where in the world?
	Lada off a cliff.
	Don't fuck with my Lada.
	You can throw yourself off cliff all you like.
	You leave Mylada alone.
	She's beautiful.
	Ow!
	Alright. Time to do your workouts now.
	Ow!
	to
	the next session. Bye-bye.
	Bye.
	So 170 so far.
	Next set, 40 to 110.
	We have lots of time.
	Lots of time.
	So 170 so far.
	Next set, 4E to 110.
	We have lots of time. Lots of time.
	I can use that stick as a bar to put both these in there.
	Thank you.
	That might work.
	It's not enough time to grow my beard.
	Am I staying here till I have the same beard as I went in 92 days?
	What negative effects, if any, do you think jail had on you?
	I think it only had positive effects.
	I know I missed your look on the bright side.
	What negative effects did jail have on you?
	Your kid's missing month of months of my life.
	That's unacceptable for the kids.
	But what bad actually happened because I went to jail? Lost probably 50 million dollars.
	dollars. Two thousand, three thousand.
	eh ok
	uh
	You could travel back in time anywhere.
	Where would you go?
	I'm not sure.
	Two different scenarios.
	One, you had to try to blend in.
	And two, you had an invisible ship that could run around and look at things, but you weren't.
	Make sure we're on.
	I fear 1000 in England would just be tense.
	Shit.
	Villages.
	We call this a lightning, but I guess it's just gonna be...
	Shit on the streets.
	Wood milling and...
	What else is there gonna be?
	Cathedrals from Philostrate later.
	You've had the blend in yet, Ancient Rome?
	Just don't speak or run the streets.
	Try and get into the Coliseum and watch the fights.
	It was free.
	Free entry. Just get there first.
	Is it?
	Yeah, it was free.
	Yeah.
	Thank you.
	I had an invisible ship and I could travel around and just watch things.
	I'd watch the campaigns of Napoleon fighting in Italy, the Czech Republic, or modern-day Czech Republic, Austria, Hungary, and Russia.
	I'd watch that.
	That'd be super interesting.
	You're almost done, have a Coke.
	Thank you.
	See the Rolling Stones and have a Coke?
	Yeah, go back to the 1950s.
	I'm not sure you do both of those things today.
	This coffee's pretty good.
	Thank you for making me a coffee, Andrew.
	Next coffee's on you, friend.
	No fucking way.
	I'm glad people can see this 24-hour stream, because I don't think anyone understands how boring and non-eventful
	jail is or was.
	We went to jail for three months and it sounds like a cool story, like something exciting happened.
	It was literally this.
	Cigarette.
	Got ya.
	Got ya.
	I'm fascinated.
	Do your push-ups.
	My intention was actually to knock over there.
	Fine, just do your push-ups.
	I'm scared.
	Why?
	Why would you be scared of new push-ups?
	Why would you be scared of push-ups?
	Go on then, give me the bird.
	So go ahead.
	How does that make you feel?
	Honestly.
	Great. Foreign prisoners.
	Nicely realistic.
	Laughter.
	Bye.
	Shut the fuck up!
	I'll give you something to cry about you cunt.
	Go play on the loop after.
	I wonder how much the guards would like to cry babies in my room.
	I can cry for real.
	F*** it.
	Why do people cry in jail?
	Because they want to go home.
	It doesn't help, does it?
	Right.
	I've tried it.
	What?
	Crying?
	Worth a try.
	It's not worth a try though, is it?
	I'm never going to let you go after you cry.
	It might make you stay outside a bit, you know?
	No, it won't.
	You sure?
	Well, I didn't try.
	Well, if you don't, let's try, man.
	Go on.
	Go on, you cry.
	You cry, let's out.
	I don't know how to cry.
	I'm actually incapable of crying.
	I'm too manly.
	I'm not a man.
	You don't have a cigarette and you don't have to cry.
	Reminds me of the good old jail days.
	Where's my lighter?
	It's in the corner.
	You know the best thing about Jack?
	I'm out.
	When I was in your room.
	Me and you had no electronic devices and just had to talk to each other.
	That was the best thing about jail.
	Worst.
	Fuck you.
	Stop talking a minute.
	I wish you had an electronic device.
	You could go back to ignoring me.
	For everyone who's tracking, I'm 180 now.
	40, 30, 40, 30, 40.
	You know how many?
	180!
	Where's the rest of the darts at the Alley Pally VIP?
	Because I know you think you're an athlete and a sportsman, but really, can you compare yourself, in terms of great British sportsman, to someone like Philip Howard Taylor?
	Or Steve Beaton, the housewife's choice.
	He might stop crying.
	Maybe he's killed himself.
	Maybe.
	So I know you're the four-time kickboxing world champion.
	That's real cute.
	But you do know that you've been beaten and transcended on all levels by Phil the Power Tater, right?
	He's like 17 time world champion.
	Thank you.
	What?
	What's funny?
	Michael Van Gerwen would beat you up.
	The power.
	John Blue Walton would beat you up as well.
	Or Mario Wolfy Adams.
	They'd be the super most famous people in any British pub.
	But there's just no pubs left.
	That's the problem.
	All pubs gone.
	It's a real shame.
	Pub culture is dead.
	Pubs were great.
	I think electronics killed pubs.
	Too much interconnectivity.
	You don't have to go down the pub to mix with the society anymore.
	You can do it on Reddit like a loser.
	Fucking hell.
	Right, it is for losers.
	British pub culture is the best thing about England.
	Yep.
	England was so awesome.
	Just 25 short years ago, England was fucking incredible.
	Yep.
	It's 1999 London.
	You're walking around the streets.
	You're safe.
	No one's gonna stab you.
	People out.
	Social.
	Sociable.
	Friendly.
	what a great country England was.
	Even though you don't drink, you could have enjoyed a nice day down the pub, you know?
	Sat in the beer garden.
	Lime and soda.
	Slice of lemon.
	Packet of scampi fries.
	Life was good.
	Remember when we used to go down to Leicester Arms for steaks every two or three weeks and we had £20 to buy a steak with?
	Now we eat steak basically every day.
	We eat the most expensive steak there is basically five or six days a week.
	No we don't.
	We're in jail.
	Well today we don't.
	And not in jail we didn't.
	We need a cigar after this set.
	Oh hardens your arm muscles.
	Do it on It meant that you'd forgotten how to use a pen.
	I just used it.
	And what did you write?
	220.
	You don't know numbers.
	There's so many you know numbers now.
	Here, count to one.
	one cigarette.
	Who will fight you or the Count of Monte Cristo?
	Count of Monte Cristo would be who you're going to fight.
	Okay.
	So, so uh
	so tomorrow You might be in jail tomorrow.
	Old city?
	You're not.
	Thank you.
	For a new house and the library we need a writing desk and an obnoxiously expensive pen.
	What are you going to write?
	Threats.
	Threatening letters.
	Nice.
	Nice.
	Threatening letters to members of the neighbourhood for small reasons.
	Parking.
	Yeah.
	Very, very upper class.
	Very dignified.
	Very threatening.
	Very threatening.
	I'm going to call our actions preposterous.
	I'm going to say that they don't park their cars, but they should.
	I'll issue them a royal hiding.
	Thank you.
	Yeah, I think just, you know, a threatening letter desk.
	Write threats to the various people in my life who I dislike.
	Spend my days writing threatening letters.
	I bet you get good at it over time.
	I bet you get really good at it.
	Yeah, because you wouldn't want to be too samey samey.
	You work on your technique.
	you know.
	Okay.
	A nice little relax, a nice little lie down.
	You can always have a lie down in jail, that's the thing.
	When you're working your normal nine to fives, like I have done for many years of my life, you can't just stop what you're doing and lie down, can you?
	Not often, no.
	That's like a privilege reserved for toddlers.
	Once you get over like four, you can't really just lie down all the time.
	True.
	But in jail, You get ten lie-downs a day, you know?
	It's true.
	So tell me, what was the hardest thing about jail?
	You.
	Shut up.
	I'm gonna make a shank.
	I'm gonna manufacture a shank.
	The pursuit of happiness... ...defies science, okay?
	That's not true.
	The pursuit of happiness does not defy science.
	The pursuit of happiness, Andrew, does not defy science.
	It's so fucking hot in here.
	I'm gonna take longer between my sets.
	Because it's so fucking boiling hot.
	You know, when I was in jail, you know the worst thing about being hot or being cold?
	You think you'd instantly like the opposite one.
	I remember jail was super cold.
	I thought, I just wish this room was warm.
	I just wish this room was cold.
	There's no air con in here.
	Jail would be hot if we were there now, though.
	No Eric on there either.
	big brick building.
	I'm going to be talking about the building's history.
	I'm going to be talking about the history of the building.
	Let me ask you a question.
	Does the crowd understand?
	I wanna ask a question.
	Is it east versus west?
	Alright, I'm not talking to you.
	Or man against man?
	They're going to sleep.
	Can any nation stand alone?
	This blanket's soundproof.
	And a burning heart.
	Just about to burst.
	There's a quest for answers and unquenchable thirst.
	In the darkest night, rising like a spire.
	In the burning heart, Tristan Tate is a dork.
	I want to ask a question about crying in general and motivation.
	What would have to be in it for you to commit any crime?
	Let's say a crime that can... I've committed loads of crimes.
	Let's say a crime that will give you two years in jail.
	Okay.
	What would have to be the motivation, the benefit for you to do that crime and maybe get caught?
	Free to be a witch CD?
	Because I wouldn't do a crime for a billion dollars.
	You wouldn't?
	I'd do a crime for one dollar.
	Well, murder someone.
	Correct.
	I get a girlfriend with TikTok for a dollar.
	From now on, every time I meet someone who has TikTok, friend or girlfriend, I'm going to make them give me one dollar so I human traffic them.
	Nice.
	Rory, Bailey, everyone with social media. I'm going to tell them when to do a post and take $1 from them.
	Yeah.
	Thank you.
	What a stupid case.
	They know it's stupid.
	I don't care.
	Yeah, true.
	Who are we having in jail with us next month?
	Bye.
	Thank you.
	Bye.
	Are we just going to use our friends or are we going to invite other famous influencers to jail?
	Well?
	I don't have any friends.
	And me or you?
	You.
	You don't have any friends.
	260 push-ups so far.
	Who are we inviting to jail?
	I want everyone at home to track this, I did.
	40, 30, 40, 30, 40, 40, 40.
	It is tracked.
	30, 40, 30, 40, 40, 40.
	260.
	It is tracked.
	260.
	It's on film.
	Oh yeah, it's true.
	Bye.
	How's it not tracked?
	260.
	740 to go.
	Who are we bringing into jail next month on the 12th?
	the 12th.
	Well?
	Free Top G!
	Free Top G!
	You know these are soundbites from real protests that happened.
	Free Top G!
	Nah, keep him in jail.
	Leave him, leave him, leave him, leave him.
	It does give us happiness, doesn't it?
	When we heard people screaming free Top G. There were protests in Australia, Greece, London, lots of places.
	That did bring us joy.
	to know that the world understood we were innocent.
	Can't see the chat.
	I'm going to go ahead and get started.
	Free Top G. Free Top G. Free Top G.
	I'm always free.
	My mind is free.
	Free.
	Okay.
	I'm going to read the book of Revelations.
	Behold, the devil shall cast some of you into prison, that ye may be tried, and ye shall have tribulations for ten days.
	Be thou faithful unto death, and I will give thee a crown of life.
	Revelations 10. Chapter 2, verse 10.
	Bye.
	The devil threw us in jail, Andrew.
	I have seen the face of Satan.
	Ahem.
	it.
	Okay.
	Was that actually a cockroach?
	Crawling in my bed.
	Yeah, look.
	I'm not joking, Andrew.
	I think it must have come in from the garden.
	Either that or Rory's dicking with us.
	It's food, bro.
	As soon as food's around.
	Huh?
	As soon as food's around.
	What?
	As soon as food is around, bro.
	There's food.
	You got eggs on your bed and shit.
	No way.
	How legitimate is that?
	Nah, it's only a tiny little bug.
	I expect it doesn't think it's a cockroach at all.
	Think it's some sort of firefly.
	Killed him, that.
	Nah, it's not a cockroach.
	A real cockroach.
	It's a beetle from the garden.
	Well, that's authentic at least.
	This isn't food, bro.
	This is eggshell.
	Walk on them.
	I don't really understand what you're trying to say.
	I was reading the Bible, and a beetle crawled up next to me.
	It reminds me of jail!
	Kimberly Bailey put a cigarette in my Bible.
	He got me.
	He really fucking got me.
	Can you admit that you are not an origami master?
	Well?
	Five minute
	So
	so
	I might pace back and forth.
	I'm the one who asked if I had a good walk, you know?
	What's the longest you think I've ever peaced for in jail?
	3 hours?
	4 hours?
	hours for hours here for our sounds that way so we can get it to the next level. So, let's get on with the video.
	92 days?
	92 days of pasting.
	Why is this room so hot?
	Super hot.
	Who are we bringing in jail with us?
	Nobody.
	Nobody?
	next month we just do it again.
	So interesting people in jail with us.
	You do realize last night was Saturday night right?
	It was the first Saturday night we were free to do anything we liked.
	You realize that, right?
	And we stayed in jail voluntarily.
	That doesn't really make any sense.
	But that's when jail gets you.
	Sometimes it just gets you.
	You can have plans, you know? How many of our plans are fucked up by this false imprisonment shenanigans?
	So I'm going to do a quick video on how to get rid of false imprisonment.
	How did you sleep yesterday?
	Terribly?
	Yep.
	Same.
	Too hot.
	Crap pillow.
	You snoring monster-face woke me up.
	I'm not a monster. I'm a human.
	so hello to someone say you know
	I'm
	Are they playing jail sound effects in the window?
	That's what jail sounds like.
	It's a pretty good sound effect.
	Next time we'll do three days.
	Three days in jail.
	What do you think?
	Thanks for watching.
	I feel like the soup we had was worse than the soup we ate in jail.
	You know why?
	I feel like the soup we had in jail was well-intentioned people trying to make soup as good as they could with shit ingredients.
	Whereas what we're eating now is badly-intentioned people trying to make soup taste bad with all the possibilities they can.
	Maybe we change the briefcase.
	Make us as good of a soup you can.
	Your greetings are Walter Potatoes Salt and Pepper.
	I'm taking this shirt off, but just so you all know, this I'm taking this shirt off, but just so you all know, this shirt and the posters can be found at TopGee.com, so you can actually get yourself one of these awesome shirts.
	But this one I've slapped in, I've been training in, so I am changing it officially.
	TopGee.com for all the merchandises.
	This you can't get unless you fight for StormTube.
	I encourage you to go do that as well.
	I'm going to try to get the camera to focus.
	I'm going to get a water bottle.
	Cool.
	I'm going to get a water bottle.
	I'm going to get a water bottle.
	Cool.
	Do you think he's gonna get out?
	Yeah, I think it'll work.
	I think everyone who ever kicked off a jail got out.
	Because we sat there calmly, they didn't let us out.
	That's why we did 92 days, if we just screamed and shouted...
	We would have got out too.
	Probably right.
	Next time we go to jail, we kick off.
	Bye.
	Scream and shout?
	Scream and shout.
	I think it might work.
	Never too calm about it all.
	I'm going to try to get it to work.
	and had
	Take Care and Bye Bye...
	Please Subscribe and Like... Thanks for Watching...
	this.
	So, I'm going to go ahead and get started.
	So, let's get started.
	Take Brothers!
	Take Brothers!
	I want three cigarettes from Take Brothers!
	100% accurate.
	Do you know my people?
	He's been listening to our jail stories.
	Well in jail they were a lot friendlier.
	They were a lot friendlier when they asked us for cigarettes in jail, a lot more respectful.
	One cigarette!
	Five cigarettes!
	Take five! Take five!
	You hear me, Tristan?
	Instead of a bad Russian accent, they just spoke Romanian.
	Thank you.
	I'm gonna read this again, but not now.
	So, um, I'm gonna read this again.
	You give him a cigarette.
	You give him a cigarette.
	Give your mate a cigarette.
	He doesn't want cigarettes.
	Give your mate a cigarette.
	I slid one through the door.
	I don't know where it is.
	It's in that window.
	They listened to our jail stories and are doing a very good job of the jail experience.
	Now I have to take them out.
	Anyone want to know?
	Maybe you should tell the audience about who that really was.
	There was a real man in jail who did this exact same thing.
	He was poor and had no money, and after I gave him cigarettes to help him out and make him feel better, he walked around the prison threatening people, saying he is now with the Tates, and if we start a fight on him, that all of us are going to beat him up.
	Despite the fact that me and Andrew were locked in a different cell than him, so we had no way of helping him in his fights.
	His name was Mustafa.
	You had no way of helping him.
	I did.
	and he walked around the jail threatening everybody with us saying that we were going to beat him up and he was going to be a bad guy.
	He was a bad guy.
	Anyone mess with Tristan, they are dead.
	Or Andrew, and take Matthew now.
	Who wanted it?
	Mustafa loves Tristan.
	Pretty accurate.
	It's pretty good, yeah.
	It's like, for some reason, this fake Mustafa speaks perfect English.
	Nothing's fake, mate.
	We're in jail.
	It's exactly the same as jail.
	What antiques are we going to buy to furnish our new houses?
	We'll buy a few more houses.
	What antiques do we need?
	I need a musket or a rifle fired at the Battle of Waterloo.
	I need one of those.
	I do need one.
	That has to happen.
	What are you gonna buy?
	I don't believe in worldly treasures, mate.
	You don't believe in worldly treasures?
	No.
	So you are not materialistic?
	Correct.
	You have four of the same supercar.
	Three of the same diamond watch.
	That's to stop others from getting them because I don't want other people to be materialistic.
	I'm trying to save the world.
	So let me get this straight.
	If hypothetically, because obviously we have no cards, but if hypothetically we have 42 cards, us buying them and then locking ourselves in jail is a way of helping fight climate change And reduce materialism.
	Because we own them, but we lock ourselves in jail instead of drive them.
	Correct.
	We're saving the world little by little, bro.
	Little by little, my friend.
	You truly are selfish.
	Selfless.
	You're a truly selfless man.
	They're real.
	You buy a massive percentage of the world's supercars, more than anyone really needs.
	Yep.
	Keep them undriven and you lock yourself in a room.
	Exactly.
	Kind of like hermits of really expensive churches back in the day when they had gold and all the things that were accessible and all the worldly treasures of man.
	They would just not really eat and just pray all day and lock themselves away.
	Exactly.
	Is that you now?
	Yes.
	Andrew the Hermit.
	It's a good idea.
	You are saving the world.
	Because think about it, if you bought every car on Earth, yeah?
	And you owned every one, and you locked yourself in jail, no cars would be driving.
	So you're doing your bit.
	You only, I mean, obviously we don't have any cars.
	But theoretically, if you had over 40, you've taken 40 cars off the road.
	Climate change.
	Wish the climate in here would fucking change.
	It's hot.
	Couldn't we have picked a colder day to do this?
	Guess you don't pick your times in jail, though, do you?
	When it's too hot, the climate has changed.
	When it's too cold, the weather doesn't represent the climate.
	OK?
	Global boiling.
	Thank you.
	Global toiling is what they want.
	Global spoiling.
	Global foiling.
	It's when you wrap the earth in foil to bake it like a potato.
	I don't believe the atmosphere is real.
	I think it's conspiracy theory.
	Tell me, have you ever seen the atmosphere?
	I've never seen it.
	Peasants.
	So you're no longer materialistic.
	What are you gonna do with all the money that people think you have?
	Of course we haven't got any money.
	Well, hundreds of millions of dollars.
	Yeah, what are you gonna do with it?
	If you had hundreds of millions of dollars, what would you do?
	Put myself in a simulated jail.
	That is what you'd do, isn't it?
	in it. I might go live in a cave on an island in the middle of nowhere.
	Bye.
	How much are private islands?
	Epstein ruined private islands though, didn't he?
	I think private islands would be boring, bro.
	It'd be boring as fuck.
	They're cheap.
	I'll buy one now.
	They're cheap.
	A couple hundred grand, but you gotta watch infrastructure, electricity, food, sewage, set everything up there, build something there, move everyone to it.
	To do what?
	What are you gonna do that's so private you can't just do it in a hotel?
	We're not fucking pedos.
	That's what I mean.
	Epstein ruined the private island.
	I'm gonna do. Oh, I'm gonna girls. I'll do that in my to an island. Have a thre That's a good point. That of dorky dude. He's like, all these hot girls. I ne your penis that small? Yo your small peepee that bad.
	From the rest of the world.
	From the rest of the world?
	From every federal jurisdiction.
	From civilization?
	So let's see how short your dick is.
	They can spy on me all they want and see how huge my cock is.
	I don't give a fuck.
	I have sex at my house.
	We are kind of getting them.
	They're spying on us.
	So what we do is we put live cameras on us all the time so the whole world can watch us.
	Just don't human traffic anyone.
	So tell me what to do.
	Andrew, I've been doing TikTok and I made some money, so I'm going to give you a cigarette and that means I'm human trafficked.
	Agreed.
	Warriors, if you were a ghost, what would you do?
	Thank you.
	Talked about this at length on a tape speech.
	Tell me.
	I don't want your fucking Rumble channel.
	You should.
	Why?
	Because it was really long and detailed and funny.
	And I can't be bothered to say it again.
	Nothing about you is funny.
	But it explains perfectly why 99% of people who say they have a ghost story are lying about ghost stories.
	Whoa!
	In this country we have something called the pursuit of happiness, Andrew.
	I read it somewhere.
	I'm a ghost.
	I'm going to go ahead and get this.
	Imagine you rented your house, worked a job.
	Imagine they just threw you in jail.
	And you were working a job to rent a house where your wife and kids lived in, and they relied on your income and your money.
	Imagine how destructive that must be.
	Forty.
	Thirty.
	40, 30, which is 140.
	40, 40, 40, 260.
	40, 300.
	Then 40, 40, 40, 420.
	So you learned how to count.
	Plus 40, 460, and that was just 40.
	500.
	So you can count.
	Halfway to a thousand.
	So you learned how to count.
	Plus 4460 and that was just 40.
	500.
	So you can count.
	Halfway to a thousand.
	Can you count?
	To a thousand pushups a day in jail?
	Do a thousand push-ups here.
	Who can count higher, Meera?
	Then I'm gonna read my mail.
	Oh, good day ahead, mate.
	I'm loving it!
	When the whole world comes, I'm making noodles in a bowl.
	Whoa, whoa, whoa.
	This is your only chance to redeem yourself in front of the world and make noodles in a cup.
	Don't be a coward, Tristan.
	No.
	Don't be a pussy.
	Don't have noodles in a bowl.
	I don't believe in cups.
	Don't do it again.
	To yourself.
	And to humanity.
	I don't even want noodles.
	I just might make them in a bowl just to prove to you that there are other ways of doing things.
	500 more push-ups.
	Andrew, the pursuit of happiness.
	Read my mail.
	Jail's great.
	Is it, though?
	It's just like the good old days.
	We did have good old days in jail, didn't we?
	Remember when Demolition Man came on TV?
	We waited three days for that movie to come on.
	We did.
	The first woman in the world that I've ever found myself attracted to was Sandra Bullock in Demolition Man.
	That was the first time I ever remember thinking a girl was hot.
	It was Sandra Bullock in Demolition Man.
	And Gwen Stefani in the song Don't Speak when she was still with that band of people who never became anything.
	I'm not a pedo.
	I don't want a private island.
	I'm very sure.
	Yeah.
	In fact, I think pedophiles should be murdered.
	Can I say that on the internet?
	Or is that hate against the sexual orientation now in 2023?
	Any more super chats and mail all the new super chats.
	We get 839 o'clock tonight.
	Thank you.
	The next round of mail.
	I can't see chat.
	Our chat on our screen's frozen.
	Too small anyway, I can't see it.
	Any superchats we'll get as mail.
	I'm gonna go through all these and read them out, the good ones, and answer them all.
	I have to do 500 more pushups.
	I'll read some out while we're doing that.
	When I stop sweating, I'm going to do more bicep curls.
	I'm going to wait till later.
	We pick the hottest time of the day.
	Get fucked.
	I want to thank you both for all your wisdom you've bestowed upon the youth.
	I'm a member of the marketing campus and would love it if you'd look into the camera and say... No, I'm not looking into the camera and saying anything, Dean Dollar.
	Sorry, mate.
	Maybe in jail, but I'm not going to say it because I'm so stupid.
	Not doing it.
	I really connected with y'all when you first started, and it's like I thought and felt the way Andrew thinks my entire life from a toddler.
	I request to play Missing by No Mercy.
	Is that a song?
	There's no song requests in jail, bruv.
	Bruce A.B.L.
	What kind of jail has song requests?
	In fact, we had three really crappy music channels.
	that we'd sometimes put on.
	And we heard, over our 92 days, a total of probably five songs that we liked.
	Andrew and Tristan are my favorite.
	I wish we could meet.
	I will become financially independent.
	Resist the slave mind.
	From Cody Hernandez.
	There's a chance I can meet anyone who's sending me these.
	One day.
	But, eagles fly with eagles, and seagulls fly with seagulls.
	In the words of BigHerb916.
	So, you're going to be a little seagull and try and fly with me.
	It ain't going to work.
	Whereas there are lots of people in the world who I would love to meet because they are G's.
	So we come in G first.
	Jason has an idea for his business.
	This is his Instagram.
	Please contact me.
	Jason, I don't have Instagram and I wish you good luck in your business.
	But if it's a good business idea, you don't need me.
	I have a business idea usually means I need some money from you.
	Or, I don't have a good business idea.
	I need you to make it successful.
	Your business idea is good, Jason.
	You'll do it without us.
	Good luck.
	Life is war.
	You have two close allies, time and attention.
	Time is the wise guy, attention is the fool.
	Control the fool in directing towards your goal and the wise guy will make you stronger.
	Jordan Shields.
	Interesting.
	Tristan harnesses the chi of the bed frame, and in doing so, he's choking Andrew with bed frame aikido.
	I think you were talking about yesterday, when I was trying to control the speed of the earth to speed up and slow down our prison time.
	By holding onto the bed frame.
	Is that what was happening?
	Yeah.
	I'm thinking of going back to living in Russia after 17 years living in Australia.
	I believe Australia is becoming like a prison.
	People here are nice, but the government.
	Well, SkiffCCCP.
	I get that.
	Most people don't know CCCP is the Russian designation of USSR.
	I do understand that.
	Go back to living in Russia or Australia.
	Andrew, where would you rather live?
	Russia or Australia?
	Depends if I was Russian or not.
	Depends how much money I had.
	Depends how I was making money.
	Depends on lots of things.
	Andrew, any aspect of Islam you're finding difficult to practice?
	Tristan, how has Andrew's conversion affected you, since many things are off limits?
	Andrew doesn't drink anymore.
	He tries incredibly hard.
	He takes Islam incredibly seriously.
	Serenity now 830.
	I'm a full grown man and Andrew's a full grown man.
	I don't give a shit if he doesn't want to drink a vodka martini with me.
	I'll drink vodka martinis by myself or with someone else or on a date.
	Andrew can do what he likes.
	He'll be 40 in a couple of years.
	I'm not going to tell him what to do or what to think.
	So no, I don't think any of it has been difficult for Andrew, but he's still learning, as all of us are.
	The world is lucky to have you, Matrix Neverwing, from Carter Lundy 10.
	There's a famous clip of someone blasting your theme song outside of the prison, did you hear it?
	Yes, we did hear the theme song from within prison, and even now they're playing it outside of this prison.
	Rayaz, Escape the Matrix, AdamSZ22.
	Tell your brothers, peace and blessings be upon you.
	My grandfather just ended his life after 76 years.
	His house broke down.
	He invented a rehabilitation exercise desk for you to have.
	I'm not sure what that means, but sorry to hear about your grandfather.
	Peace and blessings be upon you also.
	Book recommendation.
	The Kybalion.
	A book for intelligent individuals like yourself, written 129 years ago.
	Highly encouraged checking it out if you haven't already.
	From Felix DuPont.
	Felix Dupont.
	Interesting name.
	Hi, G. My brother and I suffer from a genetic neurological disease called Alivordan's fats.
	I could search it when you Google in your escape, Do you have any advice?
	I can't advise you because I don't know the medical condition that you have, but my advice is always going to be the same.
	You know, I have a very minor medical condition, but lots of people I know have various medical conditions from diabetes to arthritis.
	Work as hard as you can.
	Become the best version of yourself that you can.
	Andrew, you saved my life.
	I lost my little sister to cancer and my father to alcoholism.
	For so long, I thought I was lost in life.
	You taught me how to recover and be better.
	That makes me very happy.
	I'm glad.
	I'm on a dinner date.
	She said you have to turn that off.
	I said fuck that.
	From Hulk as fuck.
	Hulk, my friend, I'm going to disagree with you a little bit.
	Me and my brother have locked ourselves in jail for you all to see for the next 24 hours.
	I would have said my advice to you, young man, would be Don't take a girl on a dinner date if you have something else that you'd rather be doing.
	I think that women who go out on dates with men, and this is why women should never pay for dates ever, women are paying with their time and their attention and their beauty and, you know, how good they make you look when you're sitting opposite them.
	And if she's dedicated herself and her time to get all dolled up and go out on a date The idea of her going isn't to impress you.
	The idea is that she's giving you a chance to impress her, which is pretty good of her.
	So if you were really dedicated to watching this live, which I do appreciate, you should have scheduled the dinner for tomorrow night and taken the girl out tomorrow.
	I don't think it's polite or gentlemanly to be sitting there watching a live stream while on a date.
	So reschedule next time, is my advice.
	I'm making around two grand a month from lessons I've learned inside the real world.
	I'd do anything to help you out.
	You saved me, man.
	I was being tortured before.
	From Ilya Sokhar.
	Hopefully not literally tortured, my friend.
	There are lots of different types of torture.
	I hope that you're fine.
	I'm glad I helped you out.
	I think that mine and Andrew's message is one of positivity.
	And I don't... In fact, I've never heard of a case Where someone said, I started listening to the Tate Brothers, actually listening to them.
	Not listening to what is said about us, not listening to what the BBC purport about us.
	I don't think there's been a single case of anyone ever saying, I've been listening to the Tate Brothers and taking their advice.
	My life has become worse.
	I'm a worse person and the people around me are suffering more.
	I don't think that could happen.
	If anyone does say that they are lying or they are not Truly following what Andrew and I represent.
	I think we're a force for good in the world.
	And I just love getting the stories from all you millions of young men who have improved your lives because of listening to our teachings and our advice.
	So you're welcome.
	And thank you for sending me these messages.
	Because they make me realize that when I am stuck in this exact environment for months and months on end and people are trying to silence me, and especially my brother, that it's worth it.
	It's worth it.
	Oh, last one. Andrew's a loser.
	Bye.
	From Talisman Tate on Rumble.
	$500 superchat for extra attention.
	Did you hear that last one?
	No.
	I like your D&G t-shirt.
	D&D teacher.
	I still told you nirvana is it See what I've done there?
	D&G t-shirts.
	Dolce & Gabbana.
	No.
	D&G.
	Every single time one of these is bought from TopGee.com, every time you buy a DNG t-shirt, Matt Shea gets an email address, gives an email to his personal email address reminding him that he is a disgraced news gatherer, deluded narrative generator, and a discredited news guardian, a dork, a nerd, a geek, the DNG.
	And you buy these and give them to the DNGs in your lives.
	And I even have a little picture of Matt Shea with a shopping cart because he looks homeless all the time, every time he sees us.
	He's wearing the same clothes every day.
	He flies around economy to different parts of the world to try to bother our friends who ignore him.
	He was this close, Andrew, to being a somebody.
	If he had just portrayed the War Room event As we know, he really did portray it.
	Man, this really helped me.
	I see how this helps guys with confidence and self-esteem.
	And yeah, this is awesome.
	You know, when he had his little snake face on.
	When he was really enjoying himself, and it made him a better person, he could have just, you know, stuck with that.
	Because now that this imaginary case is falling apart, and we're clearly not human traffickers, what has he got to go on?
	He thought hating us was cool.
	It's cool amongst him and his little DNG group of friends, but the world disagrees.
	He has to turn the comments off when he makes things.
	Imagine...
	And here's the good thing.
	If I was so hated, like the DNG really is, because we're not, and every time I posted Everyone typed hate at me and called me a loser.
	I'm not hated.
	When I post something, I get, what, 500 good comments to every bad one?
	But if I was that detested and that contemptible and worm-like that every time I posted something, as a snake, everyone attacked me and called me out for being a snake and what I am, I am mentally strong enough to read the comments and smile and keep posting.
	Somewhere, in his tiny bedroom, at night, after making his posts, he reads, and then he clicks- comments disabled- and he clicks it off, because he can't take it.
	I could take jail.
	I could take worldwide persecution.
	I could take, despite being the father of adultery, being called a human trafficker for a year and a half, so people think I buy, sell, and pimp people.
	I can take it.
	But he can't take the comments.
	He has to turn them off.
	I can imagine his sad little face as he disables his comments.
	It's super pathetic.
	He lives in total obscurity, and whenever he pokes his head above the grass, which is talking about you, whenever he ever gets noticed by anybody during his hit pieces he does on you, everyone calls him a DNG and asks him for chocolates.
	And I think that's going to continue for the rest of his life.
	Who is ever going to let that man interview him again?
	again.
	Thank you.
	Thank you.
	Good question.
	He turns off the comments, because he can't take it.
	Pretty funny, really, isn't it?
	It's actually hilarious.
	No, the comments hurt his little feelings.
	Little baby feelings.
	Remember when he was outside trying to negotiate his way into this house with his chocolates in his hand?
	Hey, hey, is Andrew scared to talk to me?
	Shut up.
	Fucking DNG.
	DNG.
	Embarrassing.
	I'm not scared of you, you little pussy.
	Invite him back.
	I feel bad for him.
	Come on, give him a chance.
	He ruined his whole life.
	Well, he's ruined it himself.
	He's ruined his own life, and his own career.
	I bet he never got recognised in the street ever, ever, ever, until now, and I bet when he does, it's D&G, where's my chocolates?
	Probably.
	Probably.
	When I get recognised in the street, I'm like, oh, can I have a photo of you, please, just give me a hug, give me a handshake, man, I admire you so much.
	Imagine them just saying chocolates to you.
	Because I don't condone bullying of any type.
	But asking a man for chocolates isn't bullying.
	but it must hurt.
	Every single super chat, we run out, we get the new mail.
	All the money goes to Tate Pledge, we're saving the world.
	Read some more.
	After my push-ups.
	Saving them.
	At least something to look forward to.
	It's a real thing that you do in jail.
	Get lighters, you save them.
	What was that?
	You know the rules of jail?
	Oh my God.
	You know the time by the schedule of things arriving.
	Who'd win the water drinking contest, me or you?
	You.
	So you admit that you can drink water?
	We can even race now if you want.
	I think you'll smoke me.
	What, two litre race?
	You'll smoke me, Bruce.
	Two litres of water race?
	Yeah.
	Alright, let's go.
	Loser has to eat his spoonful of coffee.
	So does the winner.
	Nice.
	Ready?
	I'm standing up, huh?
	I'm not sitting down.
	No, no, no, it doesn't matter.
	I can't drink these quickly, I don't know how to do it.
	3, 2, 1.
	Half.
	You win, you gluttonous cunt.
	Happy?
	You and Neil happy now on your spaceship?
	Consuming wool chips doesn't make you gluttonous.
	That's what Neil told me.
	It does make you want to pee though.
	That's what Neil told me.
	So I'm going to use the bathroom.
	My penis is a spectrum.
	Hello.
	Hello.
	but
	if
	So you've lost the great war, Race.
	The Great Walter Race of Jail.
	I'm going to So far.
	Have you ever seen those memes?
	With all the time in the world.
	What time is it?
	Have you ever seen those memes where the girl's looking at a guy on the phone?
	No.
	And she's like, he's probably talking to other girls.
	Someone make a meme of the guy just watching the Tate Livestream prison feast.
	Us sleeping.
	I was watching off sleep for seven hours.
	Lord, two worlds collide.
	Bravo, nations.
	I'm still singing that song.
	It's a primitive pact.
	19 years of frustration.
	I mean, you can't drink water, I guess.
	I mean, you're scared of water.
	I mean, you're scared if your stomach gets wet, you'll cry.
	If my stomach gets wet, I cry.
	Yeah.
	I'm not a virgin.
	I'm I'm gonna name my sons Athos, Porthos, and Aramis.
	Did you hear me?
	me. I'm gonna name one of my sons Balthazar.
	And now you say you love me. Just to prove you do.
	I want you to eat noodles from a cup.
	Noodles from a cup.
	Noodles from a bowl.
	Bar for five.
	I don't want to talk to you anymore.
	I bet you can't name three songs.
	That's it.
	Three songs.
	Correct.
	You're right, I can't.
	Go on, name three songs.
	You're so fucking smart.
	Jingle Bells, Happy Birthday.
	Tim, Stockholm 2.
	66% there.
	32% fucking failures.
	That's all I know.
	I don't know any other song.
	Stop fucking whistling.
	I'm going to do it.
	Shut the **** up.
	**** you. What you do?
	Bye.
	Nothing, as usual, for your life.
	I'll talk.
	Mr. Talker.
	Mr. Big Talker.
	Well?
	Well?
	We'll take it to a thousand push-ups.
	I expect lots of people to send us superchats.
	To take pledge.
	Gonna make some money to take pledge for the children in Syria.
	If I'm doing a thousand push-ups, you're a lazy motherfucker, shouldn't do them all with me.
	You probably didn't even do them with me, you're all losers.
	If you were half a man, you would've watched this stream and did push-ups every time I did push-ups.
	At least save the starving kids.
	Be a force for good in the world.
	Instead of being a gluttonous idiot like my brother here.
	The inventor of the most disgusting utensil that's ever existed.
	This offends me.
	Let me show the people at home what you've been doing.
	It is an abomination.
	Let me show what my brother's been doing in his spare time.
	My brother, along with Neil deGrasse Tyson, preparing for their space journey through the solar system, decided they needed both a fork and a spoon, and unhappy with having two utensils, or the widely renowned and very well respected spork, they invented this.
	The foon.
	The fuck is this?
	It's a foon.
	Sit in zero gravity surrounded by these floating utensils.
	Don't you?
	No.
	You do.
	I've never met Neil deGrasse Tyson.
	USS Spectrum.
	The Pursuit of Happiness.
	And this is bullshit.
	And you know it.
	It's disgusting.
	That's why you're in jail.
	For this?
	To be fair, if I invented this, I'd deserve far more jail time than I've ever served.
	This is an abomination, isn't it?
	Is this the worst thing humanity has ever done?
	Let me show the camera again.
	No, I think that may be, Andrew.
	The worst thing humanity has ever done.
	Let me show the camera again.
	It's a fork and a spoon.
	It's the worst thing that's ever happened to anybody, ever.
	Look at this.
	This is what Tristan and Neil deGrasse Tyson want for the world.
	It's not.
	That's why they fly around on their spaceship.
	This, look!
	Explain this to me!
	You can't.
	No logical man can explain this to me.
	No rational human.
	I'm going to join the King's Musketeers.
	Did you hear me?
	I'm going to join the King's Musketeers.
	You're going to what?
	I'm going to join the King's Musketeers.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	You have a problem with that?
	No.
	No.
	Admit that your real name is Cardinal Rieschler.
	Thank you.
	Well?
	Who's that?
	The enemy of the King's Musketeers.
	Cardinal?
	Slur.
	Sit down.
	Oh, people had really good names back then.
	I need a lackey.
	I've decided, Andrew.
	I'm going to buy a gilded horse carriage, hear me out, and be squired around town in a horse carriage.
	Are you listening?
	In a horse carriage. Are you listening?
	No.
	In 605, where's my pen?
	I stole it.
	I'm sorry.
	I can't anymore.
	That's even number 620.
	I'm sorry.
	From now on you have to call me Monsieur de Treville.
	That's my name.
	Okay?
	Don't forget it.
	I am.
	I'm head of the King's Musketeers.
	Captain of the King's Musketeers, Monsieur de Treville.
	That's my name.
	Let's go round again Maybe return back the hands of time.
	Let's go round again.
	One more time.
	Stop singing that.
	One more time.
	What do you like?
	Kung Fu Japan broke it.
	I wouldn't really care that much.
	I can't break a special.
	One strike.
	Did not.
	Straight.
	I smashed the cello.
	We'll stop when we need it.
	I'm going to manufacture a chain.
	This is not fucking good.
	I'm gonna get a couple of food.
	This is the most disgusting thing I've ever created.
	Hey, I bent the metal bar.
	Well, there's nothing I can remove there.
	It's too rigid.
	Let's see.
	Here we go.
	So my shank manufacturing is going too well.
	Go bring the ladder off.
	I'm scared to snap off.
	You two pull aside.
	Alright.
	3, 2, 1.
	It's stronger than we thought.
	It's bent out slightly.
	I feel like standing on it would be easier.
	Boom.
	Bang.
	Bye.
	Nice.
	Getting somewhere.
	That's my superhuman strength.
	Now I can just somehow hammer it down and cold smith it into this thing.
	There we go.
	There we go.
	It's kind of sharp.
	but you could cut someone with it.
	It's already a cutter.
	I'm not sure if it's a stabber though.
	You know?
	I need something heavier to back it with.
	passion.
	In fact, I'll use that ladder itself.
	It's bending, sure.
	I can flatten it with a nice smooth blade.
	I'll give you a way of flattening it now.
	Flatten it and sharpen it.
	It's not that wet.
	It's a bit sharp, but it's not razor sharp.
	You could injure someone with it quite badly.
	Take an eye out.
	Scrape the skin off their face.
	It's not excellent.
	Who are we going to shank?
	There's only us two here.
	each other.
	What a battle.
	That is a good technique.
	I think I'll lift it up especially.
	Put your foot on the shank.
	Yeah, and then use this as like a... It's hard to get the weight.
	It's hard to put the weight down.
	I'm going to try to get it to work.
	I'm going to try to get it to work.
	The screw isn't sharp.
	Bye.
	Unfortunately.
	Otherwise, if the screw was sharp, this would be a weapon that I'd set myself now.
	Really get someone over the head with this, you know.
	🎵
	There's ways to make easier shanks, but...
	The classic way, for you ladies and gentlemen watching at home, is to take a normal plastic toothbrush and spend hours just rolling it around on the floor, scraping the edges off to its nice point.
	Thank you.
	And you keep it in your sock, and you're safe from attackers.
	Unless I'm the attacker, because you're not gonna kill me with the toothbrush.
	What are you doing?
	What are you rattling?
	Well, I'll be lucky, because you're a baby.
	Oooh, but Noahus, did you smell the odor?
	I'm jealous.
	Nice. Noahus, I smelled the odor.
	Baby, don't move.
	You can try to calm down, but you won't be calm.
	No.
	I'm not sure if you're reaching up to him, Malaire.
	He looks higher.
	He looks like he's a G.
	He's a tall, fair-headed, racist Texan.
	The Bond books, he's a G.
	I don't know if Harry's not in that book though.
	Every time Felix Fire appears, the book gets better.
	Your turn to clean the cell.
	I cleaned it last night.
	Fuck off, you loser.
	I'm sure I'll sleep this out, just after X-Maxxer.
	Maybe you can't do the Walter.
	Give me the ladder.
	You're a water loser.
	Admit it.
	I'll give you the ladder if you admit that you were afraid of your stomach getting wet and couldn't even finish one bottle of water.
	Admit it!
	See, I was scared of my stomach getting wet.
	The guard's going to take our shanks during inspection.
	I'm going to hide my prison shank.
	I'm not going to shank them first.
	I'm not shanking the guards.
	It's the only way out, mate.
	Have you tried screaming yet?
	Yeah, my shank is disguised.
	Have you tried screaming yet?
	No.
	Screw you.
	Screw you.
	Nice.
	How can they do this to innocent people?
	How can they do this to innocent people?
	so well
	so i also have a book called the life of the prophet muhammad
	which i started but your friend faris al-hamidi recommended me a better book called the the nectar of life the something nectar and i thought oh no that's what it's like apparently it's much much better than this so i will read that one
	um let's escape jail Thank you.
	Bye-bye.
	Bye-bye.
	Thank you.
	Thank you.
	Let's escape.
	I'm going to get you.
	Let me read the plot of this book.
	This book is actually pretty good.
	Smerch, the Soviet counterintelligence agency, plans to commit a grand act of terrorism in the intelligence field.
	For this, it targets British Secret Service agent James Bond.
	Due in part to his role in the defeat of Le Chiffre, Mr. Big, and Hugo Drax, Bond has been listed as an enemy of the Soviet state and a death warrant has been issued for him.
	His death is planned to precipitate a major sex scandal which will run through the world's press for months and leave his service's reputation in tatters.
	Bond's killer is to be Smirch's chief executioner, Red Grant, a psychopath whose homicidal urges coincide with the full moon.
	Kronstein, Smerch's chess-playing master planner and Colonel Rosa Klebb, head of operations and executions, devised the operation.
	They persuade a young and attractive cypher clerk, Colonel Tatyana Romanova, to falsely defect from her post in Istanbul, claiming to have fallen in love with Bond after seeing his file in a photograph.
	This is From Russia With Love.
	Gee.
	These books are so fucking good.
	Light your beard on fire.
	Thank you.
	Andrew, eat a spoonful of coffee.
	I feel like if you eat more spoonfuls of coffee, time will pass faster because the caffeine is...
	Injection will fuel you.
	or I'll shank you. Do it. I'm catching up to you. I'm too sweaty.
	Okay. Okay.
	Okay. Okay.
	Okay.
	Thank you.
	Bye.
	Yeah.
	I didn't forget it.
	I decided I wasn't going to pray on the stream.
	No, I'll carry on.
	I didn't know that.
	I'll be back right afterwards.
	I'll be back.
	Where's my shank?
	I'll be back.
	It just becomes part of their hero story.
	Do they not realize that?
	They could have at least tempted us into committing a real crime.
	Somehow.
	But we wouldn't.
	We're too moral.
	We're incorruptible.
	I don't do crimes.
	I'm lighting my hand on fire.
	I mean, I'm lighting my hand on fire in your home.
	I bet you're a loser.
	It's so hot.
	Every time I do a set, I start sweating.
	I'm barely going here.
	The lessons did you learn in jail?
	2 plus 2 is 5.
	Not this jail, last time we went.
	2 plus 2 is 6.
	You did not learn 2 plus 2 is 6 in Romanian jail.
	No, you'd ask most inmates, they'd probably give you that answer.
	Biggest takeaway I took from jail is, and I knew this already, and you knew this already, Drugs are bad.
	Half the people in there, drug use is why they're doing crime.
	Romania is not even a country with a drug problem.
	Imagine how bad it is in the fucking United States.
	Smug.
	I'm not even gonna try.
	I'm not even gonna try.
	Thank you.
	It's not a word.
	Stop sleeping.
	Eat your coffee, loser.
	Hey, loser.
	I'm scared of coffee.
	Admit you're scared of coffee.
	I'm scared of girls.
	Admit Doug Douglasson would beat you up.
	I'm not making G of the Week.
	I also brought a hat.
	Why do I have a headache?
	Is it the heat?
	I don't know.
	from does while arch he or hard and
	all and your car and a slight Yeah.
	Thank you.
	No.
	Admit it.
	I refuse.
	Tell the whole world.
	I refuse to admit it.
	Why?
	Why?
	It's not true.
	I think it is.
	I don't think your plastic cup noodle technique worked.
	I don't think you are now a silicon-based... Cybernetic organism.
	I'm a cybernetic organism.
	Oh, cybernetic organism.
	If you're a man enough to eat noodles from a cup, you'd understand.
	It's a good organism.
	You're a man. I have to eat You're a man. I have to eat You're a man. I have to eat noodles for a cup. You'd noodles for a cup. You'd noodles for a cup. You'd understand.
	Why have I self-imposed this on us?
	Whose idea was this?
	Whose idea was jail?
	I'm going to read some Bible and ignore you for the rest of my jail time.
	Also, I think that we should do six days, not 24 hours.
	You listening?
	Okay.
	Got my ashtray.
	Bible.
	cigarettes in relation to.
	So, I'm going to show you how to do that.
	Thou shall not revenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people.
	Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.
	Leviticus 19, 18.
	Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.
	I blame you.
	I'm sorry.
	I heard an interesting story once about heaven and hell.
	A Korean man is a Christian his whole life, and he has a near-death experience where the Lord says to him, I'm going to show you what awaits for you in hell, and I'm going to show to you what awaits for you in heaven.
	And they take him down to hell, and hell is a pleasant room with banquets of delicious food everywhere.
	But everybody in hell is starving.
	It turns out in hell you can eat with chopsticks.
	The chopsticks are all six feet long.
	If you touch the food with your hand it disappears.
	You need to use the chopsticks to get the food to your mouth.
	These people are tormented century after century through years of hunger and years of starvation.
	And the Korean man looks around and says, yeah, hell is not the kind of place I want to be.
	Maybe I should change my life.
	Lord, can you show me what awaits for me in heaven?
	And the Lord takes him to heaven, and it looks exactly the same as hell.
	Big banquets of food, well-lit room, picturesque, beautiful, just like hell looked.
	But all the people are extremely well fed.
	A Korean man asks God, he says, well, are the rules here the same as in hell?
	And God says, well, yes, of course.
	The chopsticks are all six feet long.
	And if you touch the food with your hands, it disappears immediately.
	He then looked around and saw all of the people in heaven were feeding one another instead of trying to feed themselves.
	I thought that was a very interesting story.
	Because it talks not about what hell or what heaven are, but about the nature of people, and how life, even given the exact same circumstances, can be made an eternal torment or an eternal paradise, all depending on the nature of people that you have around you.
	The only difference between heaven and hell, in this case, the only difference is that good people go to heaven, and with the right people, it's a paradise.
	I heard that story years ago.
	I think it's very profound.
	I think you could take a lot away from it.
	Are you asleep?
	So to summarize my story, and the reason I'm thinking about it as I sit here reading Corinthians, is because jail wasn't that bad with you.
	I know you were asleep.
	But jail was actually fine.
	Because me and you were in hell together.
	That's why they can put me back and I won't give a shit.
	Injustice happens every day.
	And we have to deal with it.
	the world. We're going to be able to do that. We're going to be able to do that. We're going to be able to do that. We're going to be able to do that.
	We're going to be able to do that.
	We're going to be able to do that. We're going to be able to do that. We're going to be able to do that. We're going to be able to do that. We're going to be able to do that. We're going to be able to do that. We're going to be able to do that.
	We're going to be able to do that.
	We're going to be able to do that. We're going to be able to do that. We're going to be able to do that. We're going to be able to do that. We're going to be able to do that. We're going to be able to do that. We're going to be able to do that.
	We're going to be able to do that.
	We're going to be able to do that.
	We're going to be able to do that. We're going to be able to do that. We're going to be able to do that. We're going to be able to do that. We're going to be able to do that. We're going to be able to do that. We're going to be able to do that.
	We're going to be able to do that.
	We're going to be able to do that. We're going to be able to do that. We're going to be able to do that. We're going to be able to do that. We're going to be able to do that. We're going to be able to do that. We're going to be able to do that.
	We're going to be able to do that.
	We're going to be able to do that. We're going to be able to do that. We're going to be able to do that. We're going to be able to do that. We're going to be able to do that. We're going
	to be able to do that. We're going to be able to do that.
	We're going to be able to do that.
	We're going to be able to do that. We're going to be able to do that. We're going to be able to do that. We're going to be able to do that. We're going to be able to do that. We're going to be able to do that. We're going to be able to do that.
	We're going to be able to do that.
	We're going to be able to do that. We're going to be able to do that. We're going to be able you.
	John chapter 4 verse 20.
	If a man say I love God and hateth his brother, he is a liar.
	For he that loves not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?
	He that loves not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?
	He that loves not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?
	For he that loves not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath For he that loves not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?
	He that loves not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?
	He that loves not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?
	...
	Whoops.
	Rest.
	Last one.
	Rest.
	Rest.
	Ah, tried to sleep.
	With the jail noise.
	How did that go, loser?
	Well, how did your attempt at sleep go?
	Hmm.
	Animal House Animal House is a multi-purpose zoo, which is a place where you can see the animals and the animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	The animals are the ones who are most interested in the animals.
	Oh, is that the answer to how gay are you out of 10?
	Yeah.
	700 out of 10.
	out. Great. Now I'm tired.
	You've lowered the energy in my cell.
	I'm going to have to get you out of there.
	So, we're going to start with the first one.
	and if you have a question, please feel free to ask.
	Thank you.
	and the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law.
	And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law.
	And the law. And the law.
	And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law.
	And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law.
	And the law. And the law.
	And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law.
	And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law.
	And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law.
	And the law. And the law.
	And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law.
	And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law.
	And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law.
	And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law.
	And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law.
	And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law.
	And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law. And the law.
	And the law.
	uh so
	uh
	so Tristan Tate!
	I protect from Matrix, I need two more cigarettes!
	Come on, man!
	I know you can hear me, Tristan!
	You're in charge, give him cigarettes.
	Mustafa, I need two more cigarettes!
	I protect from Matrix and fake mafia!
	Come on, man!
	You have to do more than that. Come on.
	Do it again. Do it again.
	Repeat the matrix.
	You heard the man.
	Nah, fuck it.
	So he's my friend, not yours.
	Mustafa's gonna beat you up.
	Correct.
	nice give him some cigarettes you heard the man so he's my friend not yours so Mustafa's gonna beat you up all right nice you
	you I need... Come on, man.
	Two more cigarettes, man.
	It's fine.
	Why you not listen, Mustafa?
	Why you not listen to us, stop or we take back there together.
	I'm not listening to you.
	I mean, no one in. You can give him cigarettes. If you don't give your mate cigarettes, he's going to beat you up. It's easier.
	we're friends together, we destroy matrix, we destroy matrix, come on man!
	I mean, no one ever, you can give him cigarettes.
	If you don't give your mates cigarettes, they're gonna beat you up, and it's easier.
	I'm not scared of him.
	I'm going to say that I'll be after him.
	I'm going to be waiting. I hate you.
	Don't listen to me!
	I need to wash cigarettes, man! Why?
	You said Mustafa your friend, man! We did matrix together!
	State mafia, come on!
	I'm an expert at zoning out.
	I learned.
	800.
	to do.
	Two to go.
	800.
	I'm going to go to the next one.
	Two to go.
	I'm sorry, Mustafa. I'm sorry.
	I'm sorry, Mustafa.
	I'm sorry.
	Come on!
	I need cigarettes!
	Just one more, man!
	Come on!
	Pay up, Andrew.
	We beat everyone together!
	Pay up!
	Give him cigarettes.
	You give him cigarettes.
	No, he's asking you this time.
	You give him cigarettes.
	He wants to be your friend.
	I don't want any friends.
	have it anyway.
	So, let's get started. So, I'm going to start with the first one. So, I'm going to start with the first one. So, I'm going to start with the first one. So, I'm going to start with the first one. So, I'm going to start with the first one. So, I'm going to start
	with the first one. So, I'm going to start with the first one. So, I'm going to start Come on, man.
	We are best friends, man.
	We speak the language together.
	Come on!
	Nice.
	The guards got me shut up.
	Nice.
	But you and him can beat the guards and take Mafia.
	Right?
	No.
	I'm going to go for it.
	Fucking one cigarette, come on!
	We need to beat the Matrix together!
	This is so realistic.
	Especially cause I'm tired, I didn't sleep, I'm trying to lay down, people are screaming at me.
	Super realistic.
	We need to reenact this with people.
	People think you just relax in jail, but you can't.
	You can't relax, this is so realistic.
	Loud, bright, and bad shit.
	Noise all the time.
	Stress all the time.
	I don't know where they found this ambient noise, but this is so good.
	You can't rest at all.
	It's Animal House.
	Sleep or rest?
	Sleep and smoke.
	Be a man.
	Alright.
	Give me a letter.
	Yeah, it's Animal House.
	It's what we call Jail Animal House.
	Might just have a little cig-a-rest.
	Smart. Super smart. Yeah, Jail's animal house.
	It's literally an animal house.
	There's no sleep.
	Sometimes, the afternoon between 2 and 5, you get a bit of sleep.
	Late at night, between 4am and 6pm, then wake you up.
	Maybe.
	You don't really sleep, you just kinda close your eyes and pass the night.
	You don't have the moral...
	...peace for sleep.
	The mental peace for sleep, you know?
	Too much drama.
	Too many questions, too much bullshit.
	It awakened me and all my feelings of injustice and rage, so they're back.
	Remember that this is still going on.
	I'm going to be doing a lot of work on this.
	I'm too focused.
	I guess I was just mad.
	Hard now.
	It was a good cigarette rest.
	What books are these?
	Anyone know the number I'm on?
	One!
	Why?
	One!
	One.
	You're on one.
	I wonder if anybody knows how many I'm on.
	It's right 830 840
	Oh
	Nice I'm going to get you!
	Oh, yes.
	We had a lot of girls screaming their love to us from outside the jail.
	Especially me, I think you mainly had men.
	Shut up.
	Neil was screaming from outside that Spectrum.
	Isn't it funny that we had to go all the way back to jail to find out they got another Neil DeGrasse Tyson?
	Isn't it interesting?
	They're blackmailing him.
	He's a filthy pervert, and they blackmail him.
	You think?
	100%.
	It doesn't even mean to be that bad.
	Cheating on your wife.
	Why has everyone sold their soul or everyone has some big dirty secret they're scared of?
	We're the only people who are just like... Tristan once said that he used to sleep with lots of women.
	That's how I met the mothers of my kids.
	Fuck off.
	I was in my 20s.
	I was a millionaire.
	Fuck off.
	That's the worst secret you've found about me.
	Newsflash!
	20 year old high testosterone muscular handsome millionaire has sex with women.
	Oh my god!
	Fuck off.
	Get fucked.
	I've got no fucking skeletons in my closet.
	Fucking nerds.
	Oh, super nerds.
	Super nerds.
	I'm super nerdy.
	875.
	When you start the push-ups in jail, you think, I'm never going to get to the end.
	You get to like 138 or 192 or something.
	You're like, this is going to go on forever.
	200, 300, 410.
	Not even halfway.
	There's nothing else to do.
	But if you persevere.
	There's nothing else to do.
	And you don't give in.
	You believe in yourself.
	Like the little engine that could.
	You keep doing them.
	You don't be a coward.
	You don't be a bitch.
	Eventually you get to 875.
	And then you're only 125 from finishing.
	Then you did a thousand.
	Which is the magic number.
	A thousand push-ups in a day keeps the homosexuals away.
	True.
	And that is why they must be done.
	So I'm gonna take a little stroll.
	A nice relaxing walk.
	And then I'm gonna do some more push-ups.
	Nice walk.
	Where am I walking?
	Am I walking between my penthouses in Dubai?
	Am I walking to my Bugatti?
	Am I walking along the yacht?
	Where am I walking?
	Now I'm walking in jail.
	Nice.
	In a circle.
	Nice.
	The endless circle.
	But you know what?
	The circle never lets you down, Tristan.
	It's always there for you when you need it.
	True.
	When you need a stroll, the circle's always there.
	I've had many nice strolls around the circle.
	Oh, I've spent hours walking the circle.
	Woo!
	Where do I imagine I was walking?
	Deep thoughts in the circle.
	I imagine I was walking in the Transylvanian mountains of the Swiss Alps.
	I would actually argue that I had my most introspective conversations with myself walking this circle than any other walk I've had in my life.
	It's an important circle.
	Yeah, it is.
	It's the circle of life.
	Exactly.
	And, I mean, if you can't listen to Elton John for inspiration, who can you listen to?
	He's definitely not Matrix Homer.
	You know?
	True.
	Anyway, the pursuit of happiness.
	Why do you care?
	Shut up.
	So 125 divided by 5 is 25.
	So what I'm going to do is I'm going to do twenty-five, which will be tiring.
	I'm going to stand up and walk two laps.
	Then try and bust out like ten more.
	To get the free ones in, you know?
	People don't understand, you're doing this many numbers, you've got to sneak in the free ones.
	They add up over time.
	So you've got to pre-decide when the free ones come, otherwise you get too tired.
	So we're going to do twenty-five push-ups.
	Two laps of the track, free push-ups.
	Get the free ones in.
	Write down a number, have a cigarette, then do it again.
	That's the plan. Let's go.
	Oh, yeah.
	Bye.
	28.
	I'm going to do a walk.
	For a walk in jail.
	For a walk.
	Jail walk.
	Doing a bit of jail.
	Sometimes do nothing wrong, end up in jail.
	How it goes.
	Go Jacob, that's life.
	Do not pass, go.
	Bang.
	Where are your pushups?
	28, 29, 30, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 39, 40.
	Five more.
	One, two, three, four, one more.
	Five!
	45 more.
	1, 2, 3, 4, 1 more.
	5!
	45 total, which brings me up to 920 from 875.
	So, I'm going to go ahead and do a little bit of a warm up.
	I'm going to do a little bit of a warm up.
	Tristan, there's a lesson here for the people at home.
	Even in the most dire circumstances, if you can give yourself a near-impossible task, a Herculean feat, which instills you with anxiety and dread, once you complete it, you can feel happy.
	I'm about to do a thousand push-ups, and I'm gonna be happy, even though I'm in jail.
	Because I'm happy, because I did it.
	We were happy, Joe Orman.
	All you have to do, when you're unhappy, is give yourself some... You get happy again.
	Plus, you get the benefits of doing said difficult thing.
	Like, I get to be built like Hercules.
	It's great!
	There's no downside.
	Now I have a nice fucking healthy cigarette.
	That's the lesson.
	The lesson is...
	There's no such thing as sad or depressed or bored, because you always have push-ups to do.
	And if you finish them, you'll be happy again.
	And if you get sad, you can always do them again.
	And if you feel sad, you can just do a thousand more.
	Push-ups are unlimited.
	Although, I've almost done all of the push-ups today.
	If I do all the push-ups, there's no push-ups left for anyone else to do.
	I'm going to do them all.
	Anyone in the world.
	Everyone in the world.
	I'm going to do all the push-ups, so that no one else in the world can do push-ups.
	There's only a certain number of push-ups that exist in the universe.
	How many push-ups exist in the universe?
	I'm going to do all.
	Relax.
	Cigarette?
	80 more.
	80 more!
	I have fucking 720 to do.
	Only an hour or something to go.
	I remember the stress in my mind.
	I think I'll never get through these fucking push-ups.
	Hard work, perseverance.
	That's all it takes to be successful in life, my friend.
	You know what?
	If we work really hard, maybe we'll have hundreds of millions of dollars.
	Anyone say anything to that?
	Nah, it's impossible.
	You think?
	Yeah.
	What, me and you, being broke, working hard every day, hundreds of millions of dollars?
	Nah, it's not possible.
	You might go to jail though.
	Oh yeah, we definitely could go to jail.
	Let's go round again!
	Right.
	80 to do.
	So I want to do 40 in 40.
	Nice simple system.
	As many as I can.
	Two walks around the jail.
	Jail walk.
	Getting the free ones.
	Hopefully that gets me to 40.
	Then I just have one more set of push-ups.
	I am done.
	One thousand.
	Do a little bit more cigarette.
	Then we're gonna have some noodles in a cup.
	Bowl.
	Noodles do not belong in bowls.
	Noodles in a fucking cup, I said.
	Don't push me.
	You don't actually care how anyone eats noodles, Ender.
	I feel like you've made up an issue.
	Say that again.
	You don't.
	You've made this up.
	I've never seen you care.
	Ever before.
	In fact, I'll go as far to say that during our 92 days in jail, you ate noodles exclusively out of bowls.
	No, I had it a couple of times.
	Nah.
	You were bold, man.
	Righty-ho then!
	Let's just cigarette at the showroom.
	I might save this cigarette for my jail walk.
	Let's save it.
	Whistling
	Sorry Bye!
	Noodles belong in a cup.
	Tristan needs to admit that noodles belong in a cup.
	Tristan needs to admit that noodles belong in a cup.
	Tristan needs to admit it.
	Till he does, we'll stay in jam.
	Till he does, we'll stay in jail.
	He needs to learn the lyrics to the Reagan TV commercials.
	Why don't you join me on my walk?
	Nah, I'm tired.
	Come with me, it's fun.
	I'm finishing my rest, single rest.
	Trust me, come and join me on my walk.
	I'm finishing, why sit and rest?
	How many pushups did I do? I think I did 28.
	12 more.
	12 more.
	Right.
	13 just in case that was a little too much.
	Couldn't remember.
	960!
	Push-ups are the key to joy.
	Happiness lies on the other side of push-ups.
	Happiness lies on the other side of push-ups.
	There's no such thing as being depressed or unhappy with yourself once you've done 1,000 push-ups.
	You feel too much pride, pride.
	So if you're depressed or unhappy or sad, that's all you have to do and your entire life's instantly fixed.
	Some life advice.
	Anytime someone comes to me and says they're depressed, it's how many push-ups have you done today?
	If the answer's less than 1,000, And we all know they deserve their own misery.
	Little fucking cowards.
	So I'm going to finish this cigarette and then we're going to do 40 at once.
	The last 40.
	Get them all done.
	Happiness lies on the other side of push-ups.
	Fact.
	Proved it.
	Scientifically.
	It's a spectrum.
	It's a happiness spectrum.
	The more push-ups you do, the closer you get to bliss.
	40 left.
	Top G. Top G. Top G. Top G. Top G. When you were resting, I sat and quietly read my Bible.
	Yeah, like an old pussy!
	Should've woke me up when you had the fucking chance, shouldn't ya?
	Well, I should've.
	I can't wait for you to rest again.
	Go on.
	Admit it.
	Admit that when you had the chance, you were a coward.
	When you rest again.
	And now war befalls your nation.
	Fine.
	You don't get to choose when battles come, friend.
	by me. 40 pushups. I'm done. 40 pushups. This isn't many, but after you've done 960, it's
	actually quite hard. 40 more.
	25. 15 more.
	15 more.
	Let's do 5.
	1.
	3.
	5.
	10 more.
	10 is easy.
	Last 10 don't count.
	10 is easy.
	1.
	2.
	3.
	4.
	10 is easy. 1, 2, 3, 4, 6 more.
	6 more.
	Tristan's a loser. Noodles belong in a cup.
	What?
	One.
	Five more.
	Noodles in a cup.
	Come on.
	NOODLES IN A CUP!
	One.
	Two.
	Three.
	Four.
	Last one.
	Noodles in a cup.
	NOODLES IN A FUCKING CUP!
	NOODLES IN A CUP AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN FUCKING DO ABOUT IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
	Cunt.
	Pussy.
	Fuck you!
	Can't wait to be witch until we fuck out and you finally finish you off for good.
	Piece of shit.
	and push-ups. One...
	The satisfaction I get from writing that number 1,000 is equal to the satisfaction That most people never get in their shitty lives, because they never fucking dedicate themselves to anything, or work hard at anything.
	So all they do is go out drinking, trying to get a bit of stinky puss from Mary's slag face, and they pull that off and they feel some Mary Jane Rottencrotch.
	Mary Jane Rottencrotch.
	They feel some remblance of self-importance because some woman was stupid enough to allow them, with low standards, to attempt to give her dick, And I say a ten because they don't know how to give dick.
	But I wrote the number 1,000 on a piece of paper and made me happier than they'll ever be because I dedicated myself.
	And noodles belong in a cup forever.
	And the more plastic I ingest, the closer I become to finally being Terminator, Top G, cybernetic organism from the melted plastic cups.
	And the fumes and the plasticy noodles make me stronger than ever before.
	Do you understand?
	sand. Quick relax.
	I'm going to be doing a lot of work on the next video. So, stay tuned. I'll see you there.
	So, let's get started.
	So, let's get started.
	Now I can read the mail.
	It's good.
	Then you can read the mail.
	the floor. Thank you. Oh, hey,
	I'm going to do it again.
	That's you.
	No.
	Admit it!
	Of all the things in my life that have ever upset me, this upsets me 0%.
	You're not deeply upset right now?
	No.
	Are you lying?
	To yourself?
	No, not at all.
	Are you lying to me?
	No.
	I'm now Tristan.
	Don't do a stupid voice.
	Who want my noodles in a bowl please?
	You want your noodles in a bowl don't you?
	You'll never learn.
	Malcolm, just wanted to donate to Tate Pledge.
	Thank you very much.
	$20.
	I love you, Andrew.
	Thank you, friend.
	From Mark.
	One hot crock.
	Love the work.
	Hope you guys are eating well.
	Use this $5 for charity.
	It's $10, so we will.
	All goes to Tate Pledge.
	Everything goes to Super Chat.
	My friend Cory and I grew up together.
	The past year, he's watched me start a business and leave my job.
	He refuses to commit and lacks discipline.
	He needs to take branded words of encouragement.
	No, he doesn't.
	For there to be winners, there must be losers.
	Let Corey stay a loser so you can enjoy being a winner.
	There's no light without dark.
	If everyone was hardworking and motivated, it would be difficult.
	And I'll tell you right now that I've made hundreds of millions of dollars and conquered the entire earth, became the most famous man on the planet.
	And I probably only really gave it maybe 85% effort.
	There were times I slept.
	I shouldn't have slept ever.
	I should have been awake this whole time.
	But I slept.
	And I still managed to do it.
	Because all of you are fucking lazy idiots.
	People like Corey are very essential to the world.
	Someone has to wash the cars.
	Flip the burgers.
	Thanks, Corey.
	I'll have a Big Mac and fries.
	Get fucked.
	Hi, brothers.
	I'm Hasan, 16-year-old student of the real world.
	Hope to meet you one day.
	Yes, my life goal is to join the war room when I'm 18.
	Correct.
	You have the correct life goal, you're in the right place, make some money, and we will meet once you're inside the war room.
	Assalamu alaikum!
	Thank you for both reaffirming and installing this tenacity in me to lead an extraordinary life instead of a life of mediocre one.
	Hopefully someday we can share a cigar and laugh.
	Indifferent.
	Certainly can.
	Wait to see you inside the war room.
	That is how we meet people.
	We only meet people who have been vetted by the war room.
	Yeah, because even people look at our friends now and they were like, oh wow, how did you become such friends with the He joined the war.
	I met him in Vegas.
	Yeah, war rooms is where we find our friends.
	I wouldn't have met him otherwise.
	How would I have found him?
	Alex the Batman is bettering himself every day, mind, body, and spirit.
	Promise that you tell us thank you.
	Good.
	That is our reward for telling you all to do it.
	I love seeing people making the world a better place and seeing people live lives worth living.
	I love the bond you guys have.
	Always have each other's back.
	I feel honored to donate.
	Thank you very much.
	Friend.
	That's Oliwia mindset.
	Oliwia.
	O-L-I-W-I-A.
	Sounds Polish, no?
	W is V in Polish.
	Yeah, it's Olivia.
	Olivia.
	Olivia.
	Oh, sorry.
	Let me say it again.
	This is a chick.
	Thank you very much, my dear.
	Hopefully, one day we'll meet.
	If you have long blonde hair, pretty green eyes.
	Salamu alaykum, taits.
	May Allah protect you.
	Two questions to ask.
	What will be the effect of AI on humanity in the future?
	What's your opinion on NoFap?
	Well, I don't normally answer these such asinine questions, but considering I'm in jail, I'm gonna answer them.
	Question one, what will be the effect of AI on humanity?
	It's gonna make me ridiculously rich.
	It's gonna make all the rich people richer than ever before, and it's gonna make all the poor people poorer than ever before.
	Because we have a very, very easy-to-use slave workforce that's all machine-based that can replace an army of loser dorks.
	Most of you are such unremarkable loser dorks you can be replaced by a machine, and that's what's gonna happen.
	AI, like every other technological advancement since the dawn of human time, is going to do the same thing they all did.
	It's going to make the rich richer and the poor poorer.
	It's going to do nothing but accelerate the wealth divide.
	So if you don't get on the right side of history now, you are fucked forever.
	Two years ago, this poster would take a graphic designer an hour and a half, two hours to make.
	Now you type, use the top G logo, write this website and put tally marks onto a poster and design a poster for me into a brrrr done.
	AI.
	We already teach artificial intelligence inside of the real world.
	Which is only $49.
	So you can learn how to use AI to become rich yourself for $49.
	And if you don't bother to do that, guess what?
	You deserve to stay poor forever.
	And that's what's going to happen to you.
	AI is going to accelerate the wealth divide.
	What's your opinion on NoFap?
	That's a stupid question.
	I hate those.
	I fucking hate that question.
	I hate that question.
	It's so dumb.
	You should have so many girlfriends.
	You have no time for that shit anyway.
	And also the strength of mind.
	I'll actually say this now we're recreating jail.
	Didn't even cross my mind once in jail.
	92 days, no access to any woman in the world.
	Didn't even cross my mind!
	Because... Salamte and hate you since August.
	Disgusting.
	How do I delete dirt out of my mind to stay ultra-focused and win?
	Manic silver.
	I feel like that's more of a how do I eliminate distractions, etc.
	The short answer is you don't.
	You can't wipe your mind of everything unnecessary so your mind only wants to focus on what's Stay a loser if you can't dedicate yourself to anything.
	I don't care.
	I'm glad there are losers out there.
	I'm glad you exist.
	You're always going to need to exist so I can stay a winner.
	Yeah, distractions, temptations is always going to be there.
	And that's what sets you aside from those who make it.
	Stay a loser if you can't dedicate yourself to anything.
	I don't care.
	I'm glad there are losers out there.
	I'm glad you exist.
	You're always going to need to exist so I can stay a winner.
	If you're a loser and you can't get out of bed and decide to not be a loser and dedicate yourself hard enough.
	You just want me to do a thousand push-ups.
	If you can't dedicate yourself to anything, then stay a fucking loser, that's my move.
	Keep fighting every day, everyone.
	I'm eating KFC in honor of you two.
	Nice.
	The World Economic Forum told us we'll own nothing and be happy.
	None of us from the WEF or DECAW.
	Mehi Alex, I hope you like the handmade good gift wood piece with Andrew Tristan, chess horses, and hands on top.
	I just wanted to meet you guys, a guy from Brasov.
	Yes, we super appreciate the gift, but we don't meet anybody who's not in the War Room.
	If you want to meet us, you want to sit and have coffee with us, you want to sit and talk to us, you have to be in the War Room first.
	That is how it operates.
	But you cannot join the War Room and just come to my house, because there's nobody in the world... I know that we have a message that resonates with a lot of young men, and you feel like you know us, because we're helping shape your personality.
	There's no celebrity in the world you can go to their house and be allowed access to.
	Even like Cristiano Ronaldo is a soccer player.
	You can't just go to his house because you like him and ring his doorbell and expect him to come out and shake your hand.
	It's just not the way that the world operates.
	Join the War Room.
	Follow the white path.
	We will end up meeting.
	War Room can be accessed at Covertape.com.
	If you don't understand what the war is or don't believe you need it, then don't join.
	Because anyone with a free mind or the capability to have a free mind understands what it is and understands how powerful it can be.
	If you can't afford it, join the real world, make money, and then join.
	Very simple.
	I'm 26 years old and just joined to fight, Jim.
	Thanks to you and Tristan.
	What should I focus on to guarantee success when I step in the ring?
	There is no guarantee of success, which is why it's so brave.
	If you're guaranteed to win, then it wouldn't take any bravery, would it?
	The reason it's respected so much, and the reason people have so much respect for fighters is because they understand they're putting their ego and their lives on the line, and it could go wrong.
	One punch could end it.
	That's the exact point of it.
	There are no guarantees in life.
	Only thing you can guarantee is that you do your absolute best, you don't dedicate yourself to anything, you'll never be anything, and all you can do is try your absolute hardest.
	And I guarantee if you try your hardest and train very hard, you'll be a difficult man to beat.
	That's all I can guarantee.
	I'm going to go and get my phone.
	Take it. Sad to see you back in jail.
	From Cami Cristo.
	Happy to know your iron minds can handle it.
	Made my first e-comm sale today, doubled my Spotify numbers.
	God bless to Tate's.
	To your innocence, Alhamdulillah.
	Thank you.
	Hello, Andrew.
	My name is Martin, 17 years old, from Prague.
	Thank you for the amount of positive force you've left on this world.
	Inspires me to take action and become a better person.
	Very welcome, friend.
	Alan knows the truth, keep going.
	From Mohamed Maze.
	I feel bad for not sending either of you a letter now when you were actually inside.
	I can't imagine how difficult it must have been.
	Much love from Erotrea.
	A-O-T-E-A-R-O-A.
	Erotrea.
	Erotrea.
	Stay strong.
	Thank you.
	Don't know how to say your name.
	Big Nate Deasy.
	We'll call you that.
	Thank you.
	Dear Andrew and Tristan Tate, my name's Andre, and I'd like to thank you for messing up my sleep schedule.
	Now I can't sleep unless I have an extraordinarily productive day.
	Good.
	If you have a lazy day, you shouldn't be able to sleep.
	You should feel guilty inside.
	You should get up and get some work done.
	That's exactly how you're supposed to be wired.
	Supposed to be wired as a person who has to earn his happiness.
	Who has to go out there and do something difficult so he feels happy.
	I was not happy until I completed my task and now I am happy.
	I'm ecstatic.
	It doesn't matter if I'm in jail.
	I'm happy.
	That's what I was doing in jail.
	Give yourself difficult things to do and make sure they get done and do not ever make excuses or skip them.
	Happiness can be earned.
	You need to inflict it on yourself because no one else cares enough to inflict it upon you.
	They have other things to do, like try and stop being a loser themselves.
	Thank you guys for changing my life.
	Colin This guy sent 12 super chats in a row Bye.
	Message from Maxwood.
	Andrew and Tristan Tate, my love and respect for you has propelled me into a long-awaited mission of becoming a real man.
	I found you days before you took over shit talk.
	When I was 17, skinny as fuck and lost.
	I dropped out of school at 13, fed up of the aimless school system, locked me in isolation for asking questions.
	I left knowing that I could educate myself further than school ever could.
	Already having videography, editing, and music skills under my belt.
	Also teaching older years to edit because the teachers were clueless.
	I left and networked with artists in London at 14 until I was 16 and had become a complacent stoner, drifting like a feather in the wind.
	I had burnt out, no discipline, no ambition, no hope.
	Then the top G Intellisman tapes spawned like a message from above.
	At this point, I was merely flesh and bone.
	Weak, stoned, and aimless.
	With my last token of hope, I joined my like-minded brothers in Hustlers University 2.0.
	In the space of three months, I had quit my five-year streak of smoking weed.
	I think that's the end.
	Four?
	No?
	Ah, don't worry about it.
	It turned his life around, and his life's good.
	It turned your life around, and Hustlers University helped you do that, and now you're making money.
	Fantastic, that's exactly what we like to hear.
	The reason we end up suffering and the Matrix attacks us is because we teach things that actually work.
	If we were teaching kids how to invest in crypto-zoo, or drink sugary drinks, or be a degenerate clown, we wouldn't be attacked by the Matrix.
	If we were sellouts like everyone else.
	But the fact that we actually teach you to have mental resilience and make enough money for yourself so you can resist the slave programming and the slave imperatives, that's why they attack us.
	This is only worth it, If it actually changes lives.
	All of this shit we're going through is only worth it if some of you actually improve your lives, which is why we If you truly are a fan of ours, what we want you to do is become as rich and strong and successful as possible What's this one Thank you.
	What is the ideal way to deal with a person that's in full slave mind?
	Don't deal with them.
	Deal with other people.
	Deal with better people.
	Some minds are not ready to be freed, my friend.
	You need to find other free minds and focus on an upwards trajectory of propelling yourself to the absolute top.
	The highest echelons in life.
	You do not have time to try and drag people up who do not want to be taken from their slavery.
	So, join the War Room, get some new friends.
	That's what you do.
	That's the mail.
	Alright, is the floor mine?
	Yeah.
	Let's go.
	for theater and
	it's a lot of fun.
	Are you trying to convince me that noodles belong in bowls?
	I feel like I'll have a stronger argument Because Mike is right.
	You see, you did 1,000 push-ups first, and you're saying you'll just blow up in a cup.
	I feel like if I do 1,000, then at least you'd have someone to debate with.
	It will be much more difficult to convince the world Noodle's blowing up a cup if you do 1,000 push-ups.
	I'm not going to lie to you.
	That's the idea.
	Walk around.
	Shit, you've stolen my technique.
	Hey, we both developed this technique.
	I'm still on my secret move.
	Physical strength is the baseline to a happy life as a man.
	I think that it underpins everything else.
	If I could pick physical strength and a strong body, or supreme intelligence and knowledge, or billions of dollars of wealth, most people would pick billions of dollars of wealth.
	If I could only pick one of those, and I had to live my life with one, and not the others, I would be a strong man.
	I think you're happier overall.
	You'd be happier overall.
	You can have friends who have money.
	You still enjoy your life.
	You can have friends who have more knowledge than you.
	You can slowly learn, even if you're a dummy.
	But there's something about being a physically strong man, that when I meet physically strong men, and you meet them, they immediately have my respect.
	Immediately!
	Regardless of how smart they are, regardless of how rich they are, I immediately respect them.
	Words, there's no man in the world who's so rich that I will immediately respect him without strength or intelligence.
	And there's nobody so smart who I will immediately respect when he's completely flat broke and a weakling.
	It's the most important thing in life to being a man.
	The single most important thing.
	Take your shirt off.
	That was pushups, let's go.
	Take your shirt off.
	Nice.
	Comb my hair.
	What's this?
	JL Aikido?
	JL Aikido.
	We did loads of JL Aikido.
	You know, you're super good at it now.
	You know, you think you remember the number.
	You don't.
	You get to higher numbers, you fuck up.
	Yup.
	I'm gonna use this little cigarette box.
	You gotta take your time between them, otherwise you don't stand a chance, so.
	Yeah. So far I have done 18. Nice relaxing cigarette break.
	Thanks.
	and I'll see you in the next video. Bye!
	Thank you.
	Now the real jail memories are flooding back.
	It's real jail, not serious jail, you know?
	Exactly what war is and what are the aims of it.
	What are the aims?
	Control?
	Exactly what you say.
	The struggle of war, the entire object of it, isn't to do with violence, isn't to do with killing anyone, it's to do with taking away your enemy's ability to resist.
	Disarming them.
	Both mentally, psychologically, physically, taking away their ability to resist is victory You can do that after a battle you've won the war.
	So that they can no longer resist your version of reality.
	So you can inject the slave program.
	Yeah.
	For what you want of them, because they're not your people.
	Or if they are your people, even then you still might want them as slaves.
	So once they no longer have the capability to resist, you have won the war.
	You've won the war.
	And the reason you want that is so that when you come along with things they don't like, that they would resist against, they can't.
	Because if they have the capability to resist, you have to be very careful with what you tell them to do.
	But if they don't, you tell them to do whatever you want.
	Yeah.
	So even the first chapter.
	Let's get into the first chapter.
	That looks very interesting.
	Okay.
	monthly, yearly, all the time.
	Defeat, after defeat, after defeat.
	So they're sitting in their house with eight Booster Jams.
	I hope they let me go to a coffee shop.
	Clowns.
	And by destroying the enemy's capability to resist, that means they also have to destroy you financially, which we all know, which is why we teach how to make money, because it's very difficult to fight back without money.
	So they try to undo the loss.
	Completely.
	And we've lost maybe, what, 50, 60 million dollars from this?
	Oh no!
	They destroy your money.
	That was our only 50, 60 million.
	Because, yeah, they have to destroy your capability to resist.
	And also, they want to destroy your mentality, your warrior spirit, because that's acquired as a capability to resist.
	They want you in jail, breaking down.
	crime, upset, unable to sleep.
	So the prosecutor says, just say you're guilty so we win.
	You're, oh, okay.
	Even if you're not in jail, they want you out on the street, broke, semi-depressed, sad, fat, weak, addicted to porn.
	Because then you cannot resist the slave mind programming.
	So I've been saying, I'm glad you said it's what I said, because I know I'm right about everything.
	It's good to have it confirmed by Mr. Carl Von Klotzwitz.
	I don't know when that book was written, by the look of his uniform, I guess late 18th century.
	So it was written before the first two world wars, but after Napoleon's campaigns in Europe, Franco-Prussian War maybe?
	I'm not sure.
	Only 920 push-ups to go.
	But we have nothing but time in jail.
	The push-ups will get done.
	I wonder if there are any superchats actually We have a bit more space here, but typically in a real-life jail environment, you let one man do his push-ups at his own pace, because there's only so much floor space for one man to really work, and then the other man renegades himself to the bed while the other one does push-ups.
	So if there were any questions, any super chats while Andrew's doing push-ups about when's Tristan going to do his push-ups, I should have actually clarified that at the beginning.
	I do my push-ups after Andrew's done his push-ups.
	Because there's no rush.
	Oh, we both have to be ready and at the house by four o'clock.
	That's why I've got such a massive gym where five or six men can all train together.
	But in jail, you've got 24 hours in a day.
	Doesn't matter if you do them up until midnight.
	Doesn't matter if you do them up one in the morning.
	Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter.
	You just do it to the bushes.
	Oops.
	You can do it, Rock.
	There is no tomorrow.
	You can do it, Rock!
	Push-ups.
	The warrior's code, there's no surrender.
	Underpinning of all healthy civilizations.
	The spirit cries, stop.
	Body cries, stop.
	Oops.
	The body cries, stop.
	The spirit cries, never!
	How do you do your numbers?
	Deep in our soul, a quiet ember.
	I'll tell you how I do my numbers.
	Let's cross them out, write a new number.
	No, so what I do is, because this is also a little system I have that makes press-ups more fun.
	So I'll do 40.
	Yeah.
	And then I'll turn the 4 into an 8, to save paper space.
	80.
	So when I get to 120, I'll write 12, not 120.
	And then however many I do, I'll turn the 2, let's say I do 45, turn the 2 into a 6 and add the 5 on for 165.
	Nice.
	Why does this matter?
	Who knows?
	This is jail.
	Preservation of ink and paper.
	In jail, everything is limited.
	If I were to ask one stupid chat, you know what I would ask?
	Why didn't Andrew lose or eat his spoonful of coffee?
	In the burning heart!
	I'll do another one.
	Just about two bursts.
	I'll do another one right now.
	Spoons and unquenchable thirst are for amateurs.
	In the darkest night, rising like a spire.
	Mmm.
	Coffee.
	In the burning heart, the understakeable fire.
	Woo!
	Bye.
	Bye.
	Buzz myself up.
	For the press-ups of the future.
	After you did yours, there's only a thousand press-ups left in this room.
	There's only a thousand press-ups left in the universe after I did mine.
	So if you do them all, then nobody at home can do any push-ups.
	No one can do any push-ups.
	Because we've done them all.
	Which makes us stronger than everyone else on the planet.
	In fact, I'm gonna wait a while for my next set, and I'm gonna tell everyone.
	If you didn't do push-ups on end, you didn't do push-ups.
	Now's your chance in the next 20 minutes, so let's do 120.
	Follow along with me back to the forty.
	Be heroes.
	Join in.
	Join in on the thousand push-up challenge.
	And if you feel like you haven't got energy or you feel lethargic, life hack, eat granulated coffee like it's sweets, like it's candy.
	I mean, we're almost half a jar in now and I think besides we've had one cup of coffee, everything else has been eaten the old-fashioned way.
	Yeah, that was a new jar and we started last night at 10pm.
	In the warrior's code, there's no surrender.
	Though your spirit cries, stop.
	Why do I keep saying that?
	Because you're a tardy, clearly.
	Spirit cries, never.
	Where's my croquette though?
	Deep in our soul, we need some coffee.
	It's you against you.
	It's the Nescafe that drives us on.
	It's the Nescafe that drives us on.
	120 guys, I want you to get there.
	Five more minutes to do your 120 push-ups.
	Five more minutes to do your 120 push-ups.
	You can keep up with T. Do a thousand.
	I'd be a fucking hero.
	I'm a burning heart.
	Just about to burst.
	There's a quest for answers, an unquenchable thirst.
	In the darkest night, rising like a spire.
	the burning heart the unmistakable fire i have coffee granules over my arms
	best game plan in the book By far the best.
	What was Istanbul like in the 60s?
	So...
	Sounds good.
	Was it?
	Yeah, it was with a man named Darko Karim, head of station T for MI6.
	He was a big, former strongman at the circuses.
	Mustache, bald head, a big Turkish guy who was head of station T for Turkey.
	Darko Karim was a fucking G. Oh, I famously corrected someone.
	It was one of my most beautiful corrections.
	You know when idiots talk shit?
	Some idiot was like, Ian Fleming was a bad guy, blah, blah, blah.
	And I've read all 12 of his books three times each.
	And he said, uh, I said, Ian Fleming, bad guy, why?
	Well, he said that women enjoy being, uh, forced and having people force themselves upon them.
	I said, no, Ian Fleming didn't say that.
	Darko Kareem said that.
	He's a character from a book in which Ian Fleming wrote.
	Does that mean that we have to say that J.K.
	Rowling wants to murder school children because she wrote the character Voldemort?
	Don't fucking tell me that Ian Fleming said something because a character in a book that he wrote said something.
	Shut the fuck up.
	And their face was just like... Yeah, uh-huh, yeah.
	This symbol in the 60s must have been sick.
	I bet it was sick.
	But you need connections.
	You need Darko Karim.
	Would Darko Karim make it good?
	Darko Karim does make it good.
	Takes them to a gypsy feast where they witness a fight to the death between two girls who want to marry a gypsy prince.
	Assassinates a Bulgarian terrorist.
	Bulgarian assassin who's after Darko Karim.
	Him and Bond take him out.
	It's a fucking good book.
	It's an excellent book.
	Darko Kareem.
	Yeah.
	I might change my name.
	To Darko Kareem?
	You can't be Darko Kareem.
	It's a sick name.
	It is a fucking sick name!
	Bruv!
	Darko Kareem, bruv!
	Yeah.
	Super big, strong guy with one of those dry, crushing handshakes.
	I'll be back.
	120 push-ups, nerds.
	I'm going to do a little bit of cardio.
	One hundred.
	Ice cold G. I also like the sound of this person.
	Colonel Rosa Klebb, head of operations and executions.
	Nasty bitch.
	Short, ugly, yellow teeth, chain-smoking cigarette, 57-year-old woman.
	Brutal.
	Head of Operations and Executions.
	Yeah, to torture people for fun.
	There's a line in that book.
	Remember, you should get close to their face and talk to them as they're being tortured and breathe in their screams as though they were perfume.
	It's a good line.
	Rosa Pebbs Vicious.
	How did she get killed?
	Can't tell you.
	No spoilers.
	That's only a seven hour audio book.
	Next time you're on a flight and you don't know Wi-Fi, have it downloaded already.
	Can't do audiobooks.
	I'd read it for real.
	I might read it.
	Yeah, grab it.
	Grab it and read it.
	We don't have breakfast tomorrow.
	And Red Grant, Russian codename Kudzynski, is a defector.
	He's, uh, he was Northern Irish.
	He defected to the Soviets in Germany at the end of World War II.
	And they train him up.
	He's a giant psychopath.
	Six foot seven.
	Red hair.
	Dead eyes.
	Smerch is number one executioner.
	Nice.
	That's a fucking awesome character.
	What does Smerch stand for?
	Smerch, uh, it's three Russian words that translate to death to spies.
	And now Russians in Ukraine are using that term to execute spies and traitors.
	I wonder what the world was like in the 60s.
	It was much more interesting.
	Incredibly interesting.
	Everything's the same now.
	A lot of everyone's problems in these books would be solved or fixed if they had GPS and cell phones and stuff.
	It's all geeks now.
	Yeah.
	Espionage.
	Oh, we think that Emilio Largo's got a nuclear weapon and he's going to set off off the coast of Florida, go to the Bahamas and investigate.
	Now it'd be like, click, click, click, click, click.
	Yeah, it's him.
	Yeah.
	Send the SWAT team.
	Boring.
	Boring!
	Those books are good.
	Send DCOM.
	Boring.
	Boring.
	It's good because they're written in the 1650s.
	It's beautiful to fight Dark Okarin.
	He may be my favorite sidekick of Bones.
	I don't think he'll be shown in the long run.
	Stop whistling, that's all.
	Can you make a point about when you're in jail and you're not?
	and you get something stuck in your head.
	It's stuck.
	Nothing else to fucking do, friend.
	Push up some cigarettes.
	Push up some cigarettes.
	...
	Hebrews, cleanse our soul.
	...
	I was in like a spire.
	Wonder what's for dinner?
	Who knows?
	Potato soup shit usual
	I'm going to make a potato soup shit video.
	The spirit cries, never!
	Why, Amber?
	Was it you against you?
	It's the paradox that drives you on.
	♪ I'm trying to break free from the chain, trying to break free from the chain. ♪ ♪ I'm trying to break free from the chain, trying to break free from the chain. ♪ ♪ I'm trying to break free from the chain, trying to break free from the chain. ♪ ♪ I'm trying to break free from the chain, trying to break free from the chain. ♪ ♪ I'm trying to break free from the chain, trying to
	break free from the chain. ♪ ♪ I'm trying to break free from the chain, trying to break free from the chain. ♪ ♪ I'm trying to break free from the chain, trying to break free from the chain. ♪ ♪ I'm trying to break free from the chain, trying to
	break free from the chain. ♪ ♪ I'm trying to break free from the chain, trying to break free from the chain. ♪ ♪ I'm trying to break free from the chain, trying to break free from the chain. ♪ ♪ I'm trying to break free from the chain, trying to break free from the chain. ♪ ♪ I'm trying to break free from the chain, trying to
	break free from the chain. ♪ ♪ I'm trying to break free from the chain, trying to break free from the chain. ♪ ♪ I'm trying to break free from the chain, trying to break free from the chain. ♪ ♪ I'm trying to break free from the chain, trying to break free from the chain. ♪ ♪ I'm trying to break free from the chain, trying to
	break free from the chain. ♪ ♪ I'm trying to break free from the chain, trying to break free from the chain. ♪ ♪ I'm trying to break free from the chain, trying to break free from the chain. ♪ ♪ I'm trying to break free from the chain, trying to break free from the chain. ♪ ♪ I'm trying to break free from the chain, trying to
	break free from the chain. ♪ ♪ I'm trying to break free from the chain, trying to break free from the chain. ♪ ♪ I'm trying to break free from the chain, trying to break free from the chain. ♪ Hey, gentlemen, we're going to rock, we're going to rock, everybody stand up.
	Everybody, let's rock.
	Everybody, let's rock.
	Let's rock.
	Yeah.
	What?
	Not yet.
	There is no tomorrow!
	Smoke your fucking cigarette.
	You're in jail, loser.
	all the earthly pleasures that you have.
	True.
	Just lay on your uncomfortable bed.
	You're going to be fine.
	200 push-ups, guys.
	Follow along.
	They think they can stop Mustafa!
	Mustafa, tell the cops!
	They're still stomping the state mafia!
	Hey, Christian!
	I need one cigarette, bro!
	Just one cigarette!
	My mother call me Mustafa because I want Mustafa cigarette!
	I'm most top of cigarettes.
	That's a good thing.
	I told these guys the jail stories.
	And they've really, really done a very good job at making jail.
	Is there a very realistic representation?
	You're the most top of the cigarette.
	No.
	You're the one with the most cigarettes.
	You've been making cigarettes.
	No.
	Let me give him a...
	Give him a cigarette.
	I'm not in this guy!
	You're my friend, Tristan!
	Take!
	I come for cigarette, Tristan!
	I'll give him a cigarette.
	You can give him a cigarette.
	Thank you, Andrew!
	Tristan, take my friend!
	You know the worst thing?
	The guy he's pretending to be is still in jail.
	Right there.
	No Pope.
	That's right.
	I can fix my neck.
	Thank you Andrew Tate.
	Thank you Mafia. We are unstoppable together.
	That's right. Tate Mafia.
	Thank you Mafia.
	I'm going to start with the first one.
	I'm going to start with the first one.
	I'm going to do it myself.
	Unfortunately not. I tried that.
	We'll just sit down and hope the prisoners take care of themselves.
	Yeah, they don't.
	They don't do the...
	I'm going to do it myself.
	Go over that way.
	Go over the way. It's not meat or hair, you were meaning.
	Technically meat.
	Man, this cigarette is powerful!
	See?
	I go five packs up every time I smoke it!
	But I don't talk cheap things!
	You're welcome, G. Technically, my hair is tidier than yours.
	Why?
	Because it exists.
	I have hair.
	It's just short.
	Very short.
	Micron level.
	Micron tidiness.
	It's a new minute.
	I have better hairstyle than you.
	Whatever.
	Whatever.
	Two minute.
	Whatever.
	Hey!
	Fuck you, Bogdan!
	He's gonna get his ass kicked.
	He's 100% gonna get his ass kicked.
	It's a real jail experience.
	We could sell this.
	Twenty grand a night.
	Full jail experience.
	With screaming psychopaths and everything.
	Management of resources.
	is limited cigarettes. Two words, goodbye. My nation.
	I'm going to get my frustration. We hope against all. But it's you again. Your freedoms up against.
	It's.
	I'm sorry.
	Thank you.
	you Does the crowd understand?
	Stop singing that fucking song.
	Is it East versus West?
	Or man against man?
	Can any nation stand alone?
	In the burning heart Just about to burst Is the quest for answers an unquenchable thirst?
	In the darkest night Rising like a fire.
	Burning hard, the unmistakable fire.
	In the warrior's code, there's no surrender.
	When his body cries, stop.
	His spirit cries, never.
	Deep in our soul, a quiet ember.
	Knows it's you against you.
	It's the paradox that drives us all.
	It's a battle of wills.
	In the heat of attack.
	It's the passion that kills.
	The victory is yours, oh Lord.
	In a burning heart.
	Just about to burst.
	You need a cigarette before you push up.
	I actually have got a cigarette.
	In the darkest night.
	I don't know if he's got a voice.
	Greta?
	Frozen like a spider.
	Cigarette.
	Jacobo 5!
	I'm going to be doing a lot of singing.
	How many of you are too scared to light your beard on fire?
	I don't know.
	I let my beard on fire a few times.
	I don't know, I let my video on fire a few times. I think I may have got you to come back. I used to do it at IU.
	Think about it, Andrew.
	Push-ups don't technically exist as things.
	You make them exist.
	So why is everyone so scared of doing push-ups if they don't even exist?
	They're scared of something that isn't real.
	No, but you bring them into the universe by doing them.
	You conjure them from nothing.
	It's like alchemy.
	So you have the power in your hands and arms and chest to conjure a push-up out of nothing.
	Why is everyone so scared of doing them?
	They can't hurt you.
	That's why they don't create anything.
	That's why they're little consumers.
	Little babies.
	We create, like magicians.
	We create push-ups.
	That's why we're heroes.
	Falsely imprisoning innocent men to try to silence their cause has never worked in history.
	It's never worked, has it?
	It doesn't.
	As soon as people realize that it's all bullshit, they shouldn't be in jail.
	It just galvanizes their whole cause, their message.
	But, but, but, no matter how How heroic you are, how smart you are, how right you are, how innocent you are.
	Matt Shea's gonna come out and get you with a HITPEACH!
	SHIT!
	Not Matt Shea!
	No!
	The D&G!
	Ah!
	Scared?
	I can't think of a person on Earth I'm less afraid of than Mesh.
	To be fair, he's- I'm already literally beating him up, you know that.
	We sparred, and I tried less than 3%, and he was so shit that I accidentally hurt him while trying very hard to not hurt him.
	I thought, let me not hurt him and accidentally hurt him because he's that weak.
	Like a baby.
	Or like when you're play wrestling with a child and you accidentally hurt him, or a woman.
	I was like, let me try not to hit him, but he's so shit and so stupid and so weak, I accidentally hurt him.
	And then he wrote in his little documentary, he beat me up.
	Bruv, you have no idea how beat up you could have been.
	You little pussy!
	Bombaclat!
	I'm not. I have no idea. The limits of me beating you up that exists out there in the universe that I did not enact.
	I tried very hard to not beat you up and you still got beat up. I wonder how many more millions of you in jail smoking cigarettes and get his hip pieces.
	This is Thank you.
	Is this the love that I've been searching for?
	Is this love or am I dreaming?
	Is this the love?
	Cause it's really got a hold on me.
	Is this jail where I'm sitting?
	Is this the jail that I've been searching for?
	Is this jail or am I dreaming?
	Is this the jail?
	D-cots really got a hold on me.
	Hold on me.
	Pushups don't do themselves do they?
	I have to sit here.
	Pushups don't do themselves.
	I can't write more numbers on the paper without doing more push-ups, can I?
	And there's nothing more satisfying than writing numbers on the paper.
	When you write a number, you're like, yeah, I did some push-ups, yeah!
	Wait until you start writing the fucking 900s, mate.
	Woo!
	I'll show you the fucking- Do you write down the thousand?
	Yeah, oh, you gotta write down the thousand, that's the best time!
	When you write down a thousand, that's a fucking- that's like having a birthday cake!
	Wait until you get to write one with three zeros!
	Best time of your fucking life, mate!
	You've never fucking done anything so good.
	What, Bugattis?
	What, sex?
	Mr. fucking Tristan pounding away on the vag?
	No, no sir!
	This is what matters!
	Ugh, not some whoopee!
	Have sex with me, please!
	All these girls, please have sex with me!
	No!
	I have to run my empire.
	I have to do my push-ups.
	Fuck off!
	Well, what can't it handle?
	Oh, Jesus Christ.
	Leave me alone!
	How are men out here not having sex?
	Women literally beg for dick all day, every day.
	Leave me not into temptation.
	It's hard to get a girl that, what, for you?
	Pussy.
	I bet it is.
	You can't put her outside my fucking house.
	It's like an inept loser caveman who can't hunt.
	It's hard to get her food.
	It's not.
	It's not. It's not. I'm Tom J. Why can't I remember the first line of that song? Why is it? It's a good song.
	So, you know, better.
	That's it.
	Should've known better.
	Let's walk home.
	Times like these, I can't make it on my own.
	Wasted days and sleepless nights.
	And I can't wait to see you again.
	So I can hold you.
	That's the hook in the middle.
	Wasted all my time.
	weigh in on your co-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o I need you by my side to tell me it's alright.
	I hate to tell you, babe.
	Hate to tell you, babe.
	Backs against the wall.
	I need you by my side to tell me it's alright.
	Cause I don't think I can take anymore.
	So I can hold you in my arms Is this love?
	Am I dreaming?
	Is this the love?
	If you know Whitesnake, or you're like the son or grandson of someone who sang or performed in Whitesnake, you tell them that they're fucking heroes.
	Is this the love?
	The only person who got more fucking pus than us was Whitesnake in the 80s.
	Damn right.
	With their long hair.
	Yeah, they were slaying, weren't they?
	Or is this the love?
	Man, dude, that's the skeleton in my closet.
	Seriously, Ted, he used to meet and date and sleep with multiple women.
	OH MY GOD!
	I know.
	I hope the Conservatives don't catch you, because everyone's scared of the Conservatives.
	They win loads of issues.
	Fucking cowards.
	I'm not a Conservative.
	I'm actually Republican Bill 306.
	Porn addicts.
	Losers.
	Get fucked.
	You lose to liberals.
	You lose to people who don't even know what gender they are.
	Shut the fuck up.
	Is this the love?
	You know what I find hypocritical about the whole thing?
	Hear me out.
	On both sides of the argument, the worst thing they could find out, digging through all my closets for skeletons, is that I used to sleep with and date with lots of women, okay?
	Hear me out.
	Women are the gatekeepers of sexual relationships and sexual interactions, right?
	No one here's a rapist.
	Rapists are detestable people.
	Every woman who's ever gone to bed with I've had to charm, take out on dates, buy flowers for him, eat dinner with him.
	And they thought, I'm going to sleep with this man.
	And in this day and age, I'm talking more about the liberals, I guess.
	In this day and age of women have sexual freedom of choice, they can sleep with who they want.
	When they find a clip of me, when I'm 26, going, yeah, I've got loads of girlfriends, I sleep with loads of girls.
	They're like, oh my God, he's a bad man.
	It's not something I'm doing to them.
	It's something they choose to do with me.
	What kind of fucking hypocritical universe is this?
	Should've known better than to let you go alone.
	Times like these, I can't make it on my own.
	Need a cigarette to make me feel alright.
	Cause you know that I ain't in jail again.
	Is this jail that I'm living?
	Is this the jail?
	Because it's really gonna How fast?
	Even numbers of the enemy.
	Go do the thousand.
	You can do like 300 or 400 even numbers for the enemy because then you have 100 in front of you.
	But if you do 320, you're almost finished the threes.
	Even though you haven't, your mind thinks you have.
	No, I don't do 20 next.
	I do 30 or 40.
	Yeah.
	Or 23.
	Anything.
	Can't leave the 100 as a formidable force.
	Then you feel like you're done.
	It's like a complete task.
	That's right.
	You have to damage the enemy army.
	Yeah.
	You have to encroach into enemy territory or so slightly.
	The next 100.
	Dark territory.
	Dark territory.
	Steven Seagal was one of the coolest people on the planet.
	Steven Seagal's a G. We knew he was a G. We learned Aikido, and then we met him, and it turns out he's better than we even thought.
	He's better than we even thought.
	They say never meet your heroes.
	No.
	Meet your heroes once you're already a G. Because you might be disappointed, but you might.
	Meet your heroes if they're Steven Seagal.
	Meet your heroes if they're Steven Seagal, because you will be overwhelmed.
	At what a fucking badass he is.
	In every way.
	Steven Seagal is one of the best humans that ever lived.
	In our generation.
	In living memory.
	is one of the best humans ever.
	You just by my side tell me it's alright cause I know I'm gonna take you Two or three times in jail the Steven Seagal movie came on.
	On the old movie channel.
	Hard to kill was on?
	Mason Storm.
	That's a fucking name.
	You wouldn't mess with Mason Storm.
	You certainly wouldn't kill his wife and his family.
	And hospitalise him.
	Because he'll come out with a coma fucking 12 years later.
	And you're fucking dead!
	Fucked.
	You can take that to the bank.
	You can take that to the bank.
	I don't think we could have reenacted Joe Berman.
	It's jail, bro.
	I think everything about it is perfect.
	This is jail.
	This is what you do.
	You just sit in jail.
	I'm glad people see it now.
	You only get to experience one 92nd of my time in jail.
	whistle
	Did you spill the ashtray over there?
	Get fucked.
	Oh no, you didn't.
	You were using the floor as an ashtray.
	As per jail rules.
	Nice.
	We were lucky enough and rich enough to have Nescafe lids to use as ashtrays.
	Not everyone in jail gets that luxury.
	Or the luxury of cigarettes.
	Eat our coffee and smoke our cigarettes like heroes.
	We also had Oreos.
	Oreos.
	I'm going to try to get a better angle.
	320.
	Thank you. Thank you guys.
	Thank you.
	Nice.
	Doesn't get better than masa, does it?
	So what do we have?
	A potato.
	A potato.
	And a bowl of horrible soup.
	So the thing I'm doing is prison masa.
	slicing my potato up to bolster my soup we got a bowl of horrible soup and a potato That's pretty typical.
	You want to go hot water?
	Ah!
	Hot soup noodles.
	Ah, nice.
	While it's still hot.
	It's a super good idea, but if I do that, then I'm eating my noodles from a bowl.
	Fuck!
	Shit!
	The ultimate betrayal!
	I should have known, all in all, you had something up your sleeve.
	Now what am I going to do?
	Take it on the top.
	Oh.
	Ooh, I'm looking forward to this.
	Good meal.
	I can't do it.
	You don't want noodles in that soup.
	No, I want noodles in the soup.
	And there's not many things I say I'm not mad enough to do, but I... I can't go back on my conviction.
	I'm too deep in.
	I'm too deep with my philosophy that I can't go back.
	There are millions of witnesses.
	There are millions of witnesses.
	The whole internet is going to see me admit that noodles can be eaten from a bowl.
	And I can't do it.
	I'm going to have to just go without noodles.
	I know I'm hungry.
	I know I've had only watery soup and an egg so far today.
	I got a dry potato.
	Sometimes, your soul is worth more.
	My sanity is not for sale.
	I'm a principled man, and I've always told the internet I never sold my soul.
	I was telling the truth.
	Fifty million dollars they offered me to sell my soul.
	All I had to do was shut up and take the contract, and I said no.
	I've never sold my soul.
	And here we are now, with you, an agent for the Matrix, trying to finally make me eat noodles from a bowl.
	Can't do it.
	Kirsten, I can't do it.
	No, sir!
	Enjoy your noodles, traitor.
	I have never been in noodles from a cup.
	I don't even have a cup to make noodles in a cup.
	Andrew, eat some damn noodles.
	No, I have no cup.
	Andrew!
	The internet won't care.
	Just eat some noodles.
	They will care.
	They'll make fun of me for the rest of my life.
	Just confess.
	No, I can't.
	All the song and dance numbers you've done About bowls and noodles.
	Admit you were wrong!
	It's okay to admit you're wrong sometimes!
	Can you do it with me and my potato?
	Would you like my potato?
	As your brother, as with Ramadan when we gave each other different foods at different times of the day because you couldn't eat at certain times or whatever, I will offer you my potato.
	Because you have access to unlimited noodles.
	Noodles.
	Yes.
	And I don't.
	Yes.
	That is fair, but it also feels like that I am then, once again, part of the noodles in a bowl fraternity.
	Fuck you, I'm keeping up, Taylor.
	Fuck off.
	Come on, strike me.
	I do things right or not at all?
	This guy doesn't have to go without.
	Fine, you just eat all those noodles from your little bowl.
	I will.
	Then poop your little pants.
	I don't poop my pants.
	You will.
	I won't.
	Sooner or later.
	Not like when I'm old and dying.
	Yeah, but one day you'll poop your little pants because of what you're doing right now.
	You and Neil.
	It's a whole big spectrum between you and both of you, isn't it?
	Isn't that right?
	Andrew, just take some noodles.
	No.
	Maybe there's a compromise we can come up with.
	Ah!
	I have found you a cup.
	Nine!
	And I feel like if you use the shank to take the top off one of these plastic bowls, One cup melts badly.
	See?
	Sometimes we just hold out.
	Don't give in.
	Do the right thing.
	Big fat says, big fat says, Somehow negotiate the situation.
	And the internet believes in you.
	Oh, and here's a cop.
	Has war hair.
	See? Sometimes we just hold out.
	Don't give in. Do the right thing.
	Trust in God.
	What did I say to you?
	My sanity's not for sale.
	That was a chance for me to sell out.
	Just like the Matrix wants me to do.
	It's always want me to do.
	To sell my soul and to stop preaching my message to the youth of today.
	That was a chance for me to sell out.
	I stuck by my guns and look what God provided me with.
	Two cops!
	Two!
	Use the paper cups.
	Lesson up for you children at home.
	Always do the right thing.
	Never give in.
	Hey, but also listen to the children at home.
	It doesn't matter what you eat and drink.
	It does matter.
	It super matters.
	I think you made it matter what he needs to.
	I didn't make it matter.
	Our goal made it matter.
	I was gonna go without noodles.
	Thank you.
	Show the world that I mean what I say.
	-$1.5 million.
	$1.5 million.
	$1.5 million.
	Pubsie never gives in.
	never surrendered oh by the way you're in jail Sit on the floor and eat.
	The real mindfuck is that maybe soup shouldn't be eaten from bowls either.
	Okay, you're just talking shit.
	Maybe it should all come from cups.
	Hear me out!
	Maybe the bowl is not just a sigh-off when it comes to noodles, but to all forms of nutrition.
	All calorific quantities should be consumed from cups to reach spiritual enlightenment.
	Ever crossed your mind?
	No, of course it hasn't.
	Don't fucking think about anything serious, do you, you prick?
	So now I know the time.
	And now the time must be 6.30.
	No, six six six ish. Oh cars coming through sorry. This is an inspection. Self-imposed jail.
	Thank you. This is our longest ever live stream.
	Thank you.
	Did I get a knife and fork?
	I gave you two.
	I'm a cybernetic organism.
	Plastic fumes.
	You're not.
	You're not cybernetic, are you?
	I'm already quite psyched, I think.
	Bro, Paper Bowl Boy is not a scary superhero.
	You and I both know it.
	But watch out, Paper Bowl Boy's coming.
	I've never heard that before in my life, have you?
	No, in fact, I've heard...
	Your mate's back.
	I finished my Martha and I fight Ogden.
	He tell me he punch my teeth.
	But I have no teeth!
	who's your man your man pretty good soup
	uh
	I'm not transferring my pre-cooked noodles into the rest of the soup.
	I'm going to be using a lot of water.
	Get as much flavor out of it as I can.
	A system that would be much more difficult if you relied on primitive technology like cups.
	The same, but out there.
	To the world to know.
	I can prove to you conclusively with math that noodles in a cup are better than noodles in a bowl.
	Super.
	Thank you.
	Bye.
	With math, correct.
	Imagine this.
	Someone puts a gun to your head and they're going to kill you if you're second in a competition in which you have to write noodles in a bowl versus me writing noodles in a cup.
	But I have one less character.
	What chance do you really stand?
	Scientifically, it's more efficient to write noodles in a cup than noodles in a bowl.
	Therefore, when your life depends on it, when there's a gun to your head, you're gonna wish you had done the right thing from the beginning.
	Do you understand me?
	Or is that beyond your little fucking comprehension of your little fucking parabrain?
	Think about it.
	That's why I don't have noodles in a glass.
	Because it's inefficient.
	Noodles in a cup.
	And I don't have glasses in jail.
	And you know that.
	That's why noodles on a plate are unacceptable also.
	But noodles in a mug would be okay, I assume.
	Noodles in a mug are equivalent values to noodles in a cup.
	Okay.
	Is it all starting to make sense to you now, dummy?
	Starting to get it through your thick fucking head?
	When you're bashing against the wall in a time crunch, you're gonna have no time for that paper bowl.
	You're gonna regret all of your life's decisions.
	I will.
	You will.
	You just by my side.
	Tell me it's all right.
	Cause my noodles are in a cup.
	First the noodles are in a bowl.
	Is this?
	No.
	Is this cup from which I'm eating?
	Is this the cup that I've been searching for?
	Is this cup?
	Or am I dreaming?
	Are you happy because your back was against the wall earlier?
	Is this the call?
	Tristan is a fucking nerd.
	I'm a fucking nerd. Should have known better.
	Put your noodles in a cup.
	Sooner or later you will see that you fucked up.
	Now you sweep the floor.
	Because you're fucking gay!
	And you ate your noodles from a bowl!
	I'm gonna have a cigarette.
	I'm gonna use some deodorant.
	I sit around doing push-ups.
	Roll on deodorant.
	Whistling.
	Mmm, refreshing.
	Water. I'll wash down my noodles in a moment.
	Okay.
	This is it, because my food's from a pub.
	It's both a drink and a beverage.
	A drink and a food.
	I can prove to you with more scientific reasoning that cup is better.
	Why?
	What does cup begin with?
	C. What does bowl begin with?
	B. L-G-B... Think about it.
	L-G-B-T.
	Do you... Is there a C in that?
	No.
	Lesbian, gay, bowl, trannies.
	What does cup end with though?
	P. And although L is the beginning of LGBTQ.
	The full 2SLGBTQIA plus P... That's a reach.
	...ends with P. There's no C. And P is the most detestable letter.
	There's no C in the homosexual agenda because you're supposed to eat your noodles from a cup, but there's a B and it's pretty early on.
	I'm just saying, that plus the fact it's inefficient to write down in a crunch means all in all, there's no reason to eat your noodles from a bowl.
	What advantage do you have over mine?
	They get cold quicker?
	The steam can rise?
	If you have cold noodles in a bowl?
	Yeah, I'm choking on my fucking horrible plastic like a man, becoming a cybernetic organism like every man should desire to be.
	I'm doing a bunch of push-ups and I'm ingesting my microplastics.
	What the fuck are you doing with your life?
	Push-ups and eating my food.
	Cigarettes.
	You are a loser!
	All you've done ever is lose.
	That's not true.
	L-G-B.
	B stands for bowl.
	That's a pretty good meal.
	Soup, potato, some noodles.
	That's shell food, bro.
	That's what we lived on.
	No protein almost.
	Absolutely no protein.
	You gotta get protein from cigarettes, vitamin t, tobacco.
	Correct.
	Or your protein from smoking.
	It's the only way out.
	The only way out is through.
	My food's selling.
	I'm going to continue on my saga of pushups.
	I wonder how many live viewers we average.
	This can be a very entertaining show.
	This is not meant to be entertaining, if anyone's listening at home.
	This is meant to show you what we did for three plus months.
	What is bowling?
	A sport?
	A pointless leisurely activity.
	Pointless leisure activity for fucking heathens who aren't trying to become the best they can be.
	What's cupping?
	A rehabilitation.
	For fighters, we're trying to be as strong as possible.
	Now which one of those two activities is for warriors?
	Bowling, with your fucking girlfriend, wearing your little shiny shoes you rented.
	Who rented shoes?
	You.
	Or cuffing your arm which is damaged from war.
	This has nothing to do with how you eat lunch.
	It has everything to do with it.
	Bowls, are inferior to cups.
	I want you to just fucking admit it.
	once and for all.
	Let's get it over with.
	I'm not talking to you.
	Scared, eh?
	Have a one hour relax.
	Scared, eh?
	Away from you and your nonsense.
	It's a matter of fold over.
	Got bowled over by my arguments.
	You did, didn't ya?
	Well, didn't ya?
	A few of the cups always half full.
	What's the last letter in bowl?
	L. For loser.
	You got P. The writing's on the wall.
	P for perfect human.
	Perfect cybernetic organism.
	Pee for piece of shit.
	I feel sick from the plastic fumes.
	Those noodles tasted like plastic.
	It was like eating a plastic cup.
	I hope it poisoned you.
	Well I know it's just part of my transformation into a cybernetic organism.
	So I have to stick with it and never give up.
	You by my side, tell me it's alright.
	I'm here for you.
	If you were an animal, you'd be a duck.
	Why?
	You're just a little gay boy with feathers.
	Loser.
	With a beak.
	Chinese people cook you.
	If you're an animal you'd be a slug.
	Do you realize that?
	I don't know.
	I bet no one watched this.
	I bet no one watched any of this ever.
	Prisons are horrible.
	If you're black, I'm your mom's dad. If you're black, I'm your mom's dad.
	You gots gay?
	When's mail get delivered?
	8?
	So, I'm going to go ahead and do that. I'm going to go ahead and do that. I'm going to go ahead and do that.
	I'm going to go ahead and do that.
	It's a little boring, you need to...
	...
	I could easily do 91 more of these, mate, too.
	92.
	unfazed.
	Oh, you're resting, are you?
	.
	Are you resting, yeah?
	No.
	Why don't you have a little cigar-rest?
	The thing is, Andrew, is I'm a reasonable man.
	And I would like to let you sleep.
	I can't talk anymore.
	fight me or not because he not want to fight with agro-priests and take brothers.
	Andrew talk with them.
	We talk cheap, black matrix, take back your land.
	Andrew talk to the prisoners.
	Take back your own land, my brothers.
	Oh, near wait, so you talk to them.
	Talk to the prisoners.
	I can't talk anymore.
	I need a pillow.
	For how?
	What's the matter, Andrew?
	You want to go to sweep?
	You can't hear me, please stop!
	I mean you're going to sweep.
	I admit it.
	I mean you're trying to sweep.
	Fine.
	You were trying to sweep, weren't you?
	Yeah, I was trying to sweep.
	Welcome to Big School, loser!
	How does that feel?
	Did you get a good sweep?
	Yeah.
	I was helping you.
	Yeah.
	And I'll leave this here in case you want to go to sleep.
	I'm going to go to sleep.
	350, you were on 320.
	320, I just did 30.
	Higher after lunch.
	I don't like hiccups.
	I don't like hiccups.
	What if these hiccups kill me?
	You admit it then?
	Thank you.
	What does broom begin with?
	B. L, G... What does Tristan begin with?
	What does top G begin with?
	What does Tristan begin with?
	T. Top and G, what do they both begin with?
	T, G.
	What is Tristan being with?
	What is Tristan Tate being with?
	TT.
	Who's jailed for doing this?
	Well, I'm not going to tell you.
	I'm not going to tell you.
	Let's do it again.
	Resist the slave mine t-shirts.
	shirts.
	TopG.com.
	You must resist the slave mind. You must resist the slave mind.
	You must resist the slave mind.
	destroying your enemy's capability to resist.
	Yes.
	That's how wars are won.
	Won if you do it.
	I'm Phillips Coffield.
	I'm Hugh Edwards.
	That's why I got sent to jail.
	For being Hugh Edwards?
	Huh?
	For being Hugh Edwards, yeah.
	Why was Hugh Edwards sending pictures of his bum to a 17-year-old?
	It was for the Bat Boy Corporation.
	I wasn't even a good pitcher.
	Don't look shocked.
	It was an old man with his pasty ass out.
	I'm just kidding.
	What do you call a man with no face?
	Andrew.
	Man, I have no legs.
	I mean, you work for the BBC.
	The Broom Balancing Corporation.
	You know what the BBC stands for?
	I do, don't I?
	Matt Shea could do that.
	Can't do much else, but he could balance a broom.
	I work for the Room Balancing Corporation.
	I admit it.
	So you admit it.
	from BBC.
	I'm going to be doing a lot of work on this. I'm going to be doing a lot of work on this.
	I'm going to be doing a lot of work on this. I'm going to be doing a lot of work on this.
	I'm going to be doing a lot of work on this. I'm going to be doing a lot of work on this.
	Speak your song to the floor.
	No deal.
	No deal.
	I'm going to sleep.
	You're gonna sleep, are ya?
	Andrew, you're in jail, loser.
	What are you doing in jail?
	I admit that you're in jail.
	I'm sorry.
	to mainly
	the I'm going to go ahead and get started.
	I'm going to go ahead and get started.
	I'm not actually a human.
	I'm an artificial intelligence program designed to do jail time.
	The future of AI.
	I'm going to die. How does that work? That's me.
	I'm going to die.
	Why does the Matrix hate you so much?
	Thank you very much.
	Why do dorks sit around conspiring how to take you down?
	Chelsea.
	I'm going to go ahead and get started.
	Okay.
	This is a sign of the life after the bomb. We're all alive now.
	We're all alive.
	No caviar in jail is there?
	I don't know.
	I don't know.
	If they ever send us to jail again for some bullshit, our fans can watch this on 24-hour repeat to know what we're doing.
	It's true.
	I'm not a fan of the idea of a jailbreak.
	I'm a fan of the idea of a jailbreak.
	You're not Lucy.
	I am Lucy.
	Do not.
	Do not.
	to
	the next session. Thank you.
	Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
	Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
	Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
	Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
	Yes.
	Okay.
	So, I'm going to go ahead and get started.
	I'm going to go ahead and get started.
	BBC.
	I saw the broom falling.
	You don't have to worry when Brother works for the BBC.
	You don't work for the BBC.
	I do.
	What would you do?
	I was an undercover BBC reporter.
	They'd hired me four years ago.
	And offered me what was a huge BBC salary of £29,000 a year.
	Shit.
	What would you do?
	I used to be a little dork and write bad things about you.
	And everything bad I'd ever written about you was me writing it.
	Everything.
	Even when I saw it, I said, it's all me.
	It's all you.
	It's been me the whole time.
	Undercover.
	Detecting your misogyny.
	You have a cigar and a gatti.
	Oh, shit.
	That comes with a side order of misogyny.
	I'm searching.
	I forgot about that.
	You forgot that having a baguette and a cigar comes with a certain assumption.
	I'm not sure what that is.
	I've got a lighter and a comb.
	And that comes with a side of misogyny.
	It's true.
	It does, yeah.
	You have a broom and a book.
	Valid.
	important. I told you I worked for the BBC.
	I'm not a journalist. I'm not a journalist. I'm not a journalist. I'm not a journalist.
	I'm not a journalist. I'm not a journalist. I'm not a journalist. I'm not a journalist.
	I'm not a journalist. I'm not a journalist. I'm not a journalist. I'm not a journalist.
	I'm not a journalist. I'm not a journalist. I'm not a journalist. I'm not a journalist.
	I'm not a journalist. I'm not a journalist. I'm not a journalist. I'm not a journalist.
	I'm not a journalist. I'm not a journalist. I'm not a journalist. I'm not a journalist.
	I'm not a journalist. I'm not a journalist. I'm not a journalist. I'm not a journalist.
	I'm not a journalist. I'm not a journalist. I'm not a journalist. I'm not a journalist.
	I'm not a journalist. I'm not a journalist. I'm not a journalist. I'm not a journalist.
	Andrew, I think you're a misogynist.
	Bye.
	Why?
	Because Lucy said so, and she works for the BBC.
	Well, they don't lie, do they?
	No, the BBC don't lie.
	Take your jab, COVID boosters, stay in your house.
	Hugh Edwards is fine.
	Trying to solicit porn from 17-year-olds is not a crime.
	Sending your naked bare ass to 17 year olds is not a crime according to the BBC even though it is.
	Are you listening?
	Yeah.
	So what are you going to do about Hugh Edwards?
	Nothing.
	What if he beats you up again?
	Is that why you hate the BBC so much?
	Because Hugh Edwards beat you up?
	Part of it.
	I can't blame you.
	Shit, I'd be mad too.
	Do you hate ITV because Philip Schofield is cooler than you?
	Thank you.
	What if you just cried and threatened to kill yourself?
	Would they have left you alone?
	I think so.
	What's gonna happen if you fucking Phillip Schofield?
	Didn't he like groom a 15 year old?
	He's a good boy.
	Thanks for watching.
	I'm not sure if I can get it to play.
	I need to buy a horse-drawn carriage and use that to get around town.
	Why?
	Huh?
	Why?
	Because then I'd be the Count of Monte Cristo.
	Is that what he does?
	Well yeah, but also the book's set before cars are invented.
	So I guess if he were alive today he may just have a Rolls Royce fleet.
	I'm going to change my name to Maximilian Morel.
	Thank you.
	Do you hear me?
	Change my name.
	I'm changing my name.
	I'm gonna count how many...
	How many bristles on the tooth?
	On the comb?
	There's 24 big ones and...
	...32 fine ones.
	...32 fine ones.
	Should we ask the guard for Oreos?
	No.
	We did have Oreos in jail.
	That is authentic.
	That's what I'm asking.
	Should we get some Oreos?
	Me and you.
	No.
	Why?
	Oreos are the enemy.
	Of what?
	Life.
	What, Oreos kill you?
	Yes.
	That's an exaggeration, friend.
	I never exaggerate.
	I don't think Oreos literally kill you.
	I think Oreos do kill you.
	I think they're the enemy.
	I think that if I ate Oreos now, I'd die of sugar diabetes.
	What am I doing right now?
	Waving a fucking broom around.
	I'm sweeping the air and getting rid of the dust.
	If I threw that so far that it turned around and came back, would it be a broom ring?
	I'm not cleaning the air.
	And you're not.
	What the hell is this?
	Stay here, face the wall.
	Faster!
	Move your feet away!
	Move your feet away!
	Stay face the wall.
	Hands up!
	Hands up!
	What is this mess here?
	What is this?
	It's my life.
	It's not mine.
	You put it there.
	You put it there.
	It wasn't me, Frank.
	No, no, no.
	It wasn't me, Frank.
	No, no, no.
	Let me be the guardian.
	You put it there.
	You put it there.
	What? What did you say?
	Speak Romanian, because you speak Romanian.
	I understand Romanian, but what?
	You understand?
	You speak Romanian, you drink, you go to the wall, you stay there.
	Who brought you this?
	I don't know, but I'm going to change it.
	Where did you get this?
	This is basically roaring.
	They set us up.
	Benny and Rory?
	Yeah.
	Who is Benny?
	They brought us to the prison by the police.
	They set us up.
	We've been framed.
	Just this?
	Yeah, just this.
	Speak Romanian.
	Where is this from?
	Cognac?
	I don't know.
	It's not mine.
	I've never seen this before in my life.
	Where is it from?
	My brother is a Muslim.
	It's not his.
	It's mainly mine.
	I know he doesn't drink, but you?
	You drink, right?
	Yeah, of course.
	Maybe.
	Yeah.
	I'll check it.
	There is something.
	Miss?
	Only coffee.
	Only coffee?
	No drugs.
	Coffee only.
	See what?
	Rubbish.
	Nothing.
	Nothing.
	I'm a good prisoner.
	Oh, you are not good.
	You drink?
	You smoke?
	No, no, it wasn't me.
	What is this?
	This is the previous prisoner.
	Tell me, tell me, because you have a problem.
	The previous prisoner must have left this here.
	Not me.
	Andrew, you know something?
	I don't.
	He's a Muslim.
	He was afraid.
	I don't know anything.
	I'm sorry.
	You don't know?
	That means he's your brother.
	We don't know.
	Both of us.
	Neither of us know.
	Who brought you here?
	We're innocent.
	Of every crime.
	We're in jail for no reason.
	Like always.
	How much did you pay for this?
	How much you pay for this?
	It's not me, it must have been here before me.
	The previous prisoner had it.
	I understand he's a Muslim, but you?
	No, he is.
	I am.
	So I don't drink.
	Proof I'm a Muslim.
	So you drink?
	I drink, yes.
	But not today.
	Not in jail.
	It's a misunderstanding, officer.
	It's a misunderstanding.
	What's written here?
	It's a misunderstanding, officer.
	It's a misunderstanding.
	And what is written here?
	Give me a message.
	This is push-ups.
	Every time I finish push-ups, I write down how many I'm doing.
	No secret messages.
	Nothing for the media.
	Nothing for the police.
	I promise.
	My brother is holding over.
	Yes, I know, but you must check.
	Everything is fine, I promise.
	Telephone?
	No, never.
	In jail, no phones.
	Big violation, yeah.
	No problem!
	Come on, let's see what's in here.
	Come on!
	Hello, Perete.
	Right.
	Battery... Let's see... Did you look in here as well?
	Everything's fine, right?
	Are you sure it's only coffee?
	Are you sure it's only coffee?
	No, only coffee.
	Only coffee, friend.
	Only coffee.
	Is it good?
	Coffee and cigarettes.
	It's okay, bro.
	It's okay, no?
	Yeah, it's fine.
	Of course it's okay.
	So far, just the drink and the cigarettes.
	Tell me, where are you from?
	Where do I have cigarettes?
	On the table, back there.
	Okay, they're on the table.
	Peo masa.
	My cigarettes.
	I don't understand.
	A drink and a cigarette.
	A trabuc.
	A trabuc I don't have.
	I don't know, you'll have to do a drink report.
	You'll have to work it out.
	I don't know, it wasn't us.
	Report us to the jail.
	Isolation?
	I don't understand.
	Okay, okay.
	Yeah, okay.
	Yeah, I take it.
	It's not mine anyway.
	Isolation, you stay alone.
	Your brother alone, you alone.
	Yeah, ok.
	You have 5 minutes to clean the room.
	So this is confiscated, right?
	And the cigars?
	Yeah, take it. It's not mine anyway.
	Give it to the boy.
	And the drink?
	I'll give it to him and we'll make a rapport.
	He will enjoy this.
	Mustafa?
	Yeah.
	He's your friend?
	Give it to Mustafa, the prisoner.
	He will enjoy this.
	Mustafa?
	Yeah.
	He's your friend?
	No, he's crazy.
	Put our little home back together.
	little home back together.
	Home sweet home.
	Twice a day you get your prison cell thrown apart.
	Checked.
	Searched.
	Twice a day everything gets destroyed and wrecked.
	Yep.
	Baking plenty of whiskey in the prison to get us in trouble.
	Smart.
	Super smart.
	Built some of my snack.
	Coffee is not a snack.
	It is.
	Yeah.
	Good old inspection.
	Good old inspection.
	Friendly jail inspection, eh?
	Yeah.
	630 every day.
	So, at least I know the time now.
	It's time for inspection.
	Destroy the few comforts we provide ourselves with.
	Yeah.
	Throw everything around.
	Throw your pillows around and you have to clean up your room by yourself.
	When they're done.
	I never sell them nothing.
	I never say nothing.
	His top is fucked.
	So he's in trouble for being our friend.
	Looks like it.
	Yeah, so you get your daily, twice daily room search.
	Nice.
	Nice.
	He deserves it.
	Nice, he deserves it.
	He does deserve it.
	What did we used to do after they trashed our cell?
	We'd put it back together and we'd mop the floor.
	And then we'd smoke a cigarette.
	Is that what we did?
	Yeah, after they trashed the cell, you put it back together.
	Did they take all our cigarettes?
	Do we have any left?
	No, we have some cigarettes.
	They looked in the coffee jar.
	It's very professionally done.
	Make sure you're not hiding anything.
	Good memories, eh?
	reason.
	Oh, good memories, Andrew.
	Good memories.
	Being back in jail.
	Fun days.
	92.
	92.
	184 room searches we went through.
	Wake you up in the morning, interrupt your dinner, and you're eating Oreos.
	Sometimes it'd be one good thing on TV all day or in 48 hours and when it's on they come and search the room and trash it.
	Nice.
	Thank you.
	yeah good memories eh?
	Are they good memories, Tristan?
	They are good memories.
	Come on, bro.
	Why are they good memories?
	Because it's hilarious.
	Because it's fucking hilarious.
	You say women are worse drivers than men, and the whole world thinks that you, of all the people in the world out there actually doing crimes, need to go to jail.
	Of all the people in the world doing crimes who are dangerous to women and kids, who are all over the streets of every country, For some reason, a disproportional monumental effort has been made to put you in jail.
	It's true.
	So it is actually absolutely hilarious.
	It's super hilarious.
	It's the funniest thing in the universe.
	And what's funny is, they think they're upsetting us, but all they're doing is making us, making our message louder, galvanizing our fanbase, and I'm impossible to upset.
	Fuck them.
	Nice bit of jail.
	Bye.
	Did they throw away my pushup numbers?
	I think it was a secret message.
	Start again.
	380.
	Let's go.
	410.
	Where is my pen?
	410.
	Quran means placing higher up than all the other books.
	So on that pillow of that bed, it's a few centimeters higher than my books.
	Those are the rules.
	There are rules for that, like that with Bibles.
	So even though I had a Bible in jail, the Quran always went higher up than all the other books.
	Usually on a pillow or two, on top of the top bunk.
	That's where we kept the Qur'an.
	Although I think technically, because it's an English translation of the Qur'an and it's not in Arabic, I'm not sure it's actually considered and has to be treated exactly as a Qur'an Qur'an in Arabic.
	I think, I think There are technicalities there, but regardless, it's the Quran we had in jail.
	It's the one that we had with us.
	Neither of us speak very much Arabic.
	I know only the basics.
	So, it's the Quran to my brother.
	That's why we treat it so respectfully.
	Where's my lighter?
	Where's my lighter?
	Bye.
	Nice.
	Flipped onto the floor with my pen and the rest of my stuff.
	You need this coffee grinder, mate?
	Bring it on.
	I need to sell trash.
	Daily sell trash.
	Yeah, I'm there, Marina.
	I haven't got a sink.
	Let's do this.
	Daily sell trash.
	The Twice Daily Cell Trash.
	And this morning's cell trash wasn't as bad as this one, so it's actually quite good to get a variation.
	Because it all depends on who's doing the trashing, yeah?
	Whistling Singing Is this true?
	It's really gonna hold on me.
	I'm gonna have to turn it.
	Nice.
	Cell phone.
	Bye.
	I need you by my side.
	Sure.
	Not wasting anyone's time.
	We'll put some on the floor.
	Pick up my three musketeers.
	They're in you too afraid to drink this bottle of water.
	It's been hours since you've finished it.
	I'll finish mine in one minute.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, no worries.
	Was it your scabies stomach you were eating with?
	Yeah.
	It's really pathetic, Hank.
	It's a bit.
	A man of your size and strength would be scared of getting a wet stomach.
	I'm bad.
	You're right.
	It's actually better than that.
	Okay.
	I have some chair time.
	Thank you.
	Well, you know, you don't mix it up in jail.
	Walk time, chair time, all the different times.
	Fun things about life.
	Keep life interesting.
	You smell the deodorant.
	You know?
	Use mouthwash occasionally.
	Sometimes use mouthwash for fun, yeah?
	So life goes.
	Want to finish my chair time, I might go back to have some bed time.
	Then some walk time.
	Some smoking time.
	unless it'll lay down to top it all off.
	Once.
	Later, Slater.
	That'll be good.
	That'll be nice.
	Get the mail, yeah.
	Get the mail.
	Read some messages.
	Probably your last shot to get some superchats in if they're going to be printed in red.
	We went to court this morning, so we get the court decision at 9 o'clock.
	Those are the worst days.
	Court decision days.
	Yeah.
	Of course, keep making the correct decisions these days.
	Thank you.
	I like your jail slippers.
	The most authentic thing about this is you wearing those slippers.
	They weren't the jail slippers.
	I had a pair that I never wore.
	I'm a sock man in jail.
	You are a sock man.
	I don't know why you're a sock man.
	Prevents mosquitoes biting me and my ankles.
	Ah, fear.
	Should have known you came from a place of fear.
	I was saying I'm having a nice little lie down.
	I'm going to be a little bit more quiet.
	I'm going to be a little bit more quiet.
	Cancelling you didn't work, Andrew.
	You realise that, right?
	Forgot I was cancelled.
	Do you remember they banned you on everything, you two, just to lead you?
	Oh yeah, I forgot.
	Didn't work, did it?
	No, it didn't.
	Didn't do anything.
	Didn't do anything at all.
	You're ten times more famous when you go cancelled.
	It's true.
	I'm gonna go cancel for being your brother I do remember that.
	You deserved it, though.
	Why?
	Technically, I deserve cancellation more than you.
	You got cancelled, right?
	And I don't think you really deserved it.
	But they did cancel me for being your brother, and I am 100% guilty of that.
	Exactly.
	So I deserve my cancellation.
	Why'd you cancel Andrew?
	Bullshit reasons.
	Cool.
	Why'd you cancel Tristan?
	Because he's Andrew's brother.
	Technically!
	Technically, they were 100% correct in their assessment of whose brother I was.
	Fucking dead bang to rights.
	Yeah.
	Wish I really had whiskey in jail.
	And a cigar.
	Ooh, that would have been nice.
	Yes.
	Mm-hmm.
	What's the view from our window?
	The tiny corner of that building, wasn't it?
	On the lamppost.
	A lamppost, a high fence, bars in the tiny corner of one building.
	I will never forget that view.
	Ah, it was a good room.
	I miss old Room 5.
	You know?
	now. Miss it.
	Yeah.
	Doing you?
	Going for a walk.
	Cool.
	Enjoy.
	See you later.
	there.
	Remember our last two hours in jail?
	Crazy.
	I'm not going to do that again.
	The whole building was cheering and roaring with applause when they found out we're leaving.
	So,
	so,
	oh the worst nights in jail.
	Week five.
	The worst night in jail.
	Before or after court.
	Week 5 is the worst.
	The beginning of the second month.
	Was that the worst?
	Because, okay, one day in jail.
	Okay, cool.
	Then they send you to that month, because that's the standard operating procedure, and you appeal it, and you lose, and you just think, fine, I've been fucked for a whole month, because that's just the way it works, but surely, surely by now, Because in America, you have the district attorney, and it's the district attorney's job to find you guilty.
	He fights against your lawyers.
	Here you have the prosecutor, but the prosecutor's job, according to Romanian law, is to find the truth, not to find you guilty.
	So I was like, surely any day now, you know, he's gonna realize that there's no case and do his job and realize that it was a false accusation and then a bunch of bullshit.
	Yeah, you might be right.
	Well, that's the prosecutor's job.
	By the legal definition of Romanian law, his job is to find the truth about a situation or a crime or if a crime took place.
	His job is not to try and put you in jail like the American district attorney.
	Which is terrifying, really, because they're still fighting to have us fucking on the judicial review or house arrest.
	It's insanity.
	absolutely insane.
	Hello.
	Green on war.
	Okay.
	Yeah.
	I think you're in jail.
	Yep.
	I'm more in jail than you, though.
	According to the laws of physics, there's more of me in jail than you.
	Are you listening?
	Why is there more of you in jail?
	Because you're heavier?
	Yeah.
	There are more cells that make up my human body in jail than you.
	I'm more in jail than you.
	They've got more human in jail than they've got me.
	That's true.
	So I'm more in jail than you are.
	You're right.
	Congratulations.
	You're welcome.
	Are you the king of jail?
	I might move to Virginia.
	What do you think? Why?
	Thank you.
	Why?
	Why, he asks.
	Why would I move to Virginia?
	What do you think?
	I'm going to go ahead and get started.
	Okay.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Thank you.
	No naming any of these here.
	I'm not sure why I'm doing this.
	Okay.
	A spoonful of coffee.
	Oh.
	you What would that achieve?
	Laser-like focus.
	What would we focus on?
	Life.
	We're in jail.
	We want to not be able to focus?
	Jail or not, laser-like focus is always good.
	Hone and sharpen your mind.
	How about instant coffee and Cold War in an insanely Insanely strong man.
	Alright.
	Make us coffees.
	Need you by my side.
	Thank you.
	Tell me it's alright.
	More plastic spoons.
	I found another lager.
	You only find things in jail if you're rich.
	We're now two lighters up.
	Isn't it?
	Are we rich?
	Yeah, we're rich, bro.
	We've got lighters, we've got cigarettes, we've got books, pillows.
	Might as well get some pillows in jail.
	Forgetting that.
	True.
	Gotta be rich to get the pillows.
	Get some cigarettes and start hustling until you can work your way up to pillows and maybe, maybe a mattress topper if you can get your hands on one.
	Wooo! Then you're a fucking eminem.
	Incredibly heat spoon, number one.
	Incredibly heat spoon, number two.
	We've had this coffee since ten yesterday, is that right?
	I don't know what's happening.
	We're going to keep eating it.
	There's instant coffee.
	It's good.
	Refreshing.
	Here, your water over there.
	Take one of those waters.
	Oh, the abomination strikes.
	Yeah, it's gonna be fine, sorry.
	The food.
	Now, my laser-like focus...
	It's coming.
	Well, you've been a little bit distracting, mate.
	Bye.
	So now I can't focus.
	Why can't you focus?
	I'm tired too.
	Sleepy and can't focus.
	Sleep-a-hontas over here.
	sloppy sleepy loser. And drink it.
	Why is it thick like syrup?
	Because!
	That's how good coffee's made.
	Jesus.
	Laser-like focus, Andrew.
	Easier to eat it.
	Fucking hell.
	How do you feel focus?
	I might actually treat myself to some minutes in the chair.
	Oh, you're gonna go sit in the chair?
	Yeah, I think I'm gonna have a Chesterfield.
	Cool.
	With a chair.
	A Chairsterfield.
	Just sit in the chair.
	That's fun, bro.
	Have fun.
	It's like a holiday.
	You know we used to talk about going to Monaco?
	Yeah.
	We don't need to anymore.
	You just go to the chair.
	Yeah, I know.
	You didn't do it at all.
	I don't know.
	Have fun, bro.
	Do you have any Chesterfields?
	I don't know.
	I'm sure there's some somewhere.
	Should I come inside your bed?
	No.
	Where the fuck were I chested?
	Well, it's good enough to be a moral bro in the chair then.
	Charl bro.
	Life is good.
	I have a chair, I have a chair.
	Go do these, go do these.
	Give me the cats, give me the cats.
	Very nice one.
	Go for a walk, sit in the bed, sit in the chair.
	Go for a walk, sit in the bed, sit in the chair.
	So many options.
	I know!
	Fucking hell.
	Everyone thought we were bored in jail so we were losing our minds saying I have no face.
	But that's not true at all.
	We would never say that we have no face.
	That's just preposterous.
	It doesn't even make sense.
	Well, you think that me and you would get so bored in jail to the point where we almost lose our minds and start arguing about what better vessel to serve noodles in.
	Like it's a life or death situation.
	Never.
	We are constantly detained in jail.
	Mattresses definitely burn.
	In case you were wondering.
	You're saying fire in jail?
	Yeah, the mattress would definitely burn this place down.
	Do it.
	In horrible plasticky fumes.
	Do it.
	Do it.
	Thanks.
	We're on our way out?
	I don't want to leave.
	Why would I want to leave jail?
	In an outside world, you've got all those responsibilities, the Matrix is trying to get you.
	Here, they think Matrix thinks it's got me.
	But I'm fine.
	Think about it.
	It's like your enemy's thinking you're dead.
	So they're not keeping us in, we're keeping our enemies out.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	They thought they were keeping us in jail.
	And now that we're free, we put ourselves in jail to keep our enemies out.
	Smart.
	We really are smart.
	We really are thunkin' this time, Andrew.
	Everybody's in jail.
	Where are they?
	At jail, in their house.
	Oh.
	Losers.
	Losers.
	too much.
	Okay.
	Now let's see how to draw a
	the face of a man. I'm enjoying this chair.
	It's nice to sit down.
	It's been a while.
	It's been a while since I've had a chair to sit in.
	Do you remember when we only had one chair until about week six?
	And we got a footstool, a little round stool, and we could both sit at the table at the same time.
	Ooh, that was an upgrade.
	That was an upgrade.
	Whole cell felt different.
	Now that stool's doing it.
	Well, now the chair's doing it.
	It's like, who's taking care of you now I'm gone room 5, you know?
	That was a helmet.
	Mail comes in two hours.
	Thank you.
	Thank you.
	Fucking hell, two whole hours.
	Two short hours.
	It's gonna fly by.
	Yeah, it's definitely going to fly by.
	It's going to be a little bit of a stretch.
	Thanks, Jerry.
	It's a good chair.
	What's good about it?
	It's the only chair in our universe that we cannot sell.
	Therefore, it's the best chair that we could possibly sell.
	That's true.
	So it's the best chair in the world?
	In our world, yeah.
	Think about it.
	You have lots of chairs in your house.
	It's true.
	chair in your house. There may be a chair in the country, in Buckingham Palace. If you can't go sit on it, it doesn't count, does it?
	So this is our limit of chairs.
	It's true.
	You're right.
	So, we're going to be doing a lot of that.
	What if I lost my mind?
	What would you do?
	What would you do once you lost your mind?
	I don't know.
	I'd lost my mind or I'd try to eat the chair, maybe.
	Go on.
	I haven't lost my mind yet.
	I think you should lose your mind.
	Why?
	So I can eat the chair?
	Yeah.
	What would you do if you lost your mind?
	Go to sleep.
	Go on, go to sleep.
	I gotta see if I'll burn you a cigarette.
	Bye.
	No, actually, he didn't.
	Tell me.
	There was a guy who wanted to buy a new used car.
	Yep.
	I'm just... I really am.
	You can tell me.
	The outside world has not forgotten us.
	The outside world has not forgotten us, have they?
	Almost every day this happens.
	They remember we exist as people inside of the jail.
	the jail man. I've forgotten to sing.
	You can still save the world.
	So you're saying when we come out of this shit, we're gonna be super famous and things will be fine?
	When we come out of this crap, we're gonna have the biggest platform on the planet.
	Undisputably.
	We'll have the ability to shift culture in any direction we choose.
	So towards... ...kindness and good and charity and God, yeah?
	Towards good and charity and kindness and God.
	Isn't that human trafficking?
	The people who are trying to put us in jail are Satanists.
	They're Satanists.
	They're evil people.
	They're evil people with no soul.
	Alice Jones called it years ago.
	And when we beat this Matrix attack, we will be poised to save an entire generation.
	And the fact that the outside world has not forgotten us proves that they can't dampen our message.
	What does V say?
	Bullets cannot kill an idea.
	No, yeah, he says, uh... He says, why won't you die?
	He says, because behind this mask, Mr. Creedy, there is more than flesh and blood.
	Behind this mask, there is an idea.
	And ideas are bulletproof.
	And our idea is now large enough To be very difficult to kill.
	The idea of masculine sovereignty.
	The idea of living out your masculine imperatives.
	The idea of not being afraid or cucked.
	Or living in fear or selling your soul.
	The idea of saying what you think and believing what you say.
	Doing what's right when everybody else around you is happy to do what's wrong.
	And that idea has spread now to enough minds where they cannot stop it.
	They could shoot me.
	Even if they put us in jail.
	It's saying when you cut out a man's tongue.
	You've got to prove he's a liar.
	Yeah, you don't prove him a liar.
	You only prove that you fear what he has to say.
	Try to cut out our tongues, G. Delete us on every single platform and throw us in jail.
	Use the mainstream media, which is the only media who talked about us, that told them that we were criminals.
	Grand criminals.
	Horrible people.
	They tried.
	and they failed.
	Which is why Keto Javad broke it.
	Technically this is your bed.
	And I don't give a shit.
	We tried to break the beds earlier to make shanks.
	Tried.
	We made some quite effective shanking weapons.
	You've been hurt, Simone, with what you made.
	What'd you do to your mad man with no face?
	I'd say hi Andrew.
	You'd be one of those Wing Chun dummies.
	I have a special order for next time we go to jail.
	Let's go for a walk.
	Enjoy, mate.
	Enjoy.
	I'm just gonna lay under the stars and look up at the sky.
	I'm the inventor of the world's spiciest salsa by the way.
	I'm going to write a letter which I will show inside of the real world at the end of this.
	So if you're not inside the real world, you will not see the letter posted.
	I'm going to write a letter.
	My brain is switched back to jail brain.
	Everyone can join the real world and see this letter.
	I'll post it tomorrow morning.
	But if you do not join, you will not see it.
	If you do not join, you will not see it.
	they have on degrassed hosting.
	Bye.
	Cheating on his wife.
	Homosexual affair.
	Something like that.
	Okay.
	their
	own. So, I'm going to give you a little bit of a tour of the building. It's a beautiful,
	beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
	beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
	beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, Thank you.
	Interesting.
	I feel that's a stretch.
	If I ruin it and say what it says, you have to write a new one.
	in our search for truth and understand such intricacies of the universe.
	I feel that's a stretch.
	It's an intricacy of the universe.
	If I ruin it and say what it says, you have to write a new one.
	What did jail teach us?
	Because we did learn things.
	I'll tell you one thing that happened when I got out of jail.
	And then I was on house arrest, and then I got off of house arrest.
	I had absolutely zero interest in going to a club, going to a festival, being around peasants.
	I didn't want to go to festivals anyway.
	Our mission is greater than that, Andrew.
	But it certainly made most pointless things in life even more pertinently pointless and made it clear that there's no point in doing most of the things you think you're supposed to want to do.
	Clubbing's a waste of time.
	Partying's a waste of time.
	Festivals are a waste of time.
	I don't go to jail and all I want to do is hang around with you, smoke cigars, and talk.
	In jail all we did was sit around, make jokes, and smoke, and train.
	And we got out of jail and now all we want to do is sit around, make jokes, smoke, and train.
	And these losers didn't really punish us at all.
	They gave us a greater appreciation for life.
	They made us closer and stronger as if we weren't close and strong enough.
	They made us appreciate life more.
	Made us appreciate the small things.
	Made us appreciate family.
	And it just made all the other unimportant shit that we would sometimes do clearly so unimportant that we decided to never do it ever again.
	Pretty much.
	I'll probably never go to a nightclub ever again for the rest of my life.
	Yeah, pretty much.
	Also, in terms of our relationships, male and female, it was a fantastic chance for other people to prove themselves to us, to show us who really cared and who didn't.
	True.
	I learned a lot about a lot of people when I was in debt.
	Same.
	So really, our ideal state is you and me, Somewhere.
	Talking.
	Training.
	Drinking coffee.
	Drinking coffee and smoking cigars.
	Yeah.
	And instead of a jail cell, we just replicate that with five-star hotels in the Alps or Monaco.
	And private jets.
	And private jets.
	And Dubai.
	But it's all basically us doing the exact same thing all the time.
	Yeah.
	Because the ideal masculine life is sitting around with your boys.
	Sitting around with your team.
	Talking, laughing.
	Smiling, joking.
	And being as strong as you can be.
	That's all there really is to life.
	Then you have the other side of it.
	You have children.
	You have women you care about.
	But, that's all life is.
	Nightclubs are bullshit.
	Nothing is fun.
	There are things you're supposed to do and you derive happiness from the achievement.
	But actually fun, I mean cars, driving is fun.
	But mainly that's fun because you're driving a car no one else can afford.
	Normal cars are boring.
	What's fun?
	Yeah, it's only fun at the extreme levels.
	What's fun?
	Like, what do people do for fun?
	Nothing's fun.
	Yeah, the best thing in life... You put me in jail with the right people.
	I'll have the best time of my life.
	Yeah.
	Loads of fun.
	It's all about people.
	The world is all about people.
	If you gave me a list of 20 people I could go to jail with, I'd have the best time of my life.
	It's all about who.
	It's not about where.
	It's not about what.
	It's about who.
	That's why having a good relationship with your woman is so important.
	That's why brotherhood is so important.
	That life is about who's.
	It's not about what's or where's.
	It's about who.
	It's true.
	Well, we're lucky because we have that.
	And we also have all the stuff everyone else wants.
	We have all the what's and where's.
	Because if you don't, We're the richest people in the world.
	We're the richest people in the world because we have enough money to buy anything.
	happiness, which is not that true because money is great.
	But relationships with people are more important than money.
	And we're lucky that we actually end to have everything.
	We have everything.
	We're the richest people in the world because we have all we have enough money to buy anything, anything.
	And then we have all the things that money can't buy that most people with more money than us don't have like youth, strength, brotherhood, women who genuinely love us, children who genuinely love it, etc.
	We have every single thing, a mission, saving the world, helping people, respected on every single city on earth.
	It doesn't matter if we go to Beijing or Baltimore, we're going to have street cred.
	Every single place we go, we're the richest people on the planet.
	You might be right there.
	There's nothing we're lacking in any realm.
	Nothing?
	And if to have that perfect life and to save the world, to inspire an entire new generation of young men to build a life worth having, we have to do a little bit of jail.
	So be it.
	So be it.
	It's worth it.
	Absolutely.
	Because we could live a, we could delete the mission, delete trying to inspire people, delete any of that and just not go to jail.
	And life would still be good.
	But no, the mission's bigger than what they could do to me.
	me. Fuck them.
	I'm going to get a new one. I'm going to get a new one. I'm going to get a new one. I'm going to get a new one. I'm going to get a new one. I'm going to get a new one. I'm going to get a new one.
	I'm going to go ahead and get started.
	Do some pushups.
	They want to do themselves.
	That's true.
	My next set will be over halfway done, when I do my next set.
	What are you on now?
	480.
	480.
	480!
	You alright?
	480. 480. You know what slowed me down?
	My fucking potato and noodles.
	Yeah.
	I need my stomach to digest this.
	Let me take a little walk.
	Walk off some of this.
	Potato noodles, you know?
	Nice, high-carb, low-protein, toxic food.
	JLA.
	It is the JLA, friend.
	I work for the BBC.
	I always have. These posters are cool.
	I work for the BBC.
	uh ah
	so oh wow So, I'm going to go ahead and get this.
	I'm getting the money crystal.
	My favorite part of the book.
	Know you traitor, for I'm aware you know me, but I know you not.
	If you're an adventurer sewn up in gold and jewelry, you call yourself at Paris the Count of Monte Cristo.
	In Italy, Sinbad the Sailor, and in Malta, I forget one.
	But what is your real name?
	I need to know, so that in the midst of your one hundred names, I shall pronounce it at the moment I plunge my sword through your heart.
	How rude is that thing?
	turned dreadfully pale. His eyes seemed to burn with a devouring fire and he bounded towards a dressing room near his bedroom. In less than a moment, tearing off his cravat, his coat and waistcoat, he put on a sailor's jacket and a hat from beneath which rolled his long blonde hair. He returned thus, formidable, implacable, advancing with his arms crossed at his breast towards the general who did not understand why he disappeared, but who on seeing him and feeling his teeth chatter and his legs sink under him, drew back,
	holding him stuck by a table to support his clenched hand.
	For an hour, he cried, of my one hundred names I need to tell you only one to overwhelm you, but to guess it now, do you know, or do you rather remember?
	Notwithstanding all my sorrows and tortures, I show you today a face which the happiness of revenge makes young again, a face which you must have often seen in your dreams since your marriage with Mercedes, my dear. It's a fucking good one. It's my favourite bit. And for not un-finding he realises he's ruined his life and he goes to confront him. How does he ruin his life again? Um...
	Fernand as a soldier was involved in a scandal where he sold out a Turkish sultan for money, betrayed a French ally, and sold the fort, and sold the town so he could steal the money for himself, and he came back to France.
	It's a super rich man.
	But the Count of Monte Cristo exposes the whole scam, takes the guy's daughter, who he bought from a slave market, and the fucking... In court, he gets completely famous and framed, and his name is completely disgraced.
	His wife and his son leave him, and he's left with nothing.
	After that he goes back to his house and shoots himself in the head.
	This book was written in the 1800s back when you could actually write proper shit.
	So he goes there to challenge into a duel and he puts on a sailor's uniform from when he was a teenager and comes out.
	Finally he realizes who had been fucking with him all these years now.
	Because Count of Monte Cristo's revenge plans take a whole decade.
	True G.
	We thank you for joining us today.
	We are so glad you could make it.
	I'm going to go ahead and get started.
	We eat Oreos.
	Yeah.
	We don't need Oreos.
	We eat Oreos.
	WITNESS hack.
	What do you think people are doing in the outside world?
	world Tristan.
	Jail becomes your world.
	What do you think people are doing outside of jail?
	I don't think about what people are doing outside of jail.
	Why would I?
	Saturday night last night, what do you think everyone was doing?
	Thank you.
	Doesn't matter.
	I think from within jail you can I appreciate what other people are doing outside, but it's very strange.
	I don't think anyone outside can possibly imagine what it's like to just be in jail.
	You're frozen in time.
	I met men in jail, 40-something years old, and they acted like it was like talking with a teenager or with like a 20-year-old.
	They were so emotionally and mentally immature because they've spent 20 years of the last 40 in prison.
	They're taken as a 20-year-old.
	They're thrown in jail.
	They're still 20.
	Life experience is what matures you as a man.
	The same routine, day in, day out.
	Your mind is frozen in time.
	It's true.
	I've seen everything and I've done everything.
	You think that would make jail more difficult?
	In some ways it makes it easier.
	You have so many millions of experiences to draw upon of your life.
	I've seen the whole fucking world.
	I know what you mean.
	If you're emotionally mature enough, it may make jail easier.
	If you're spoiled by it, it will make jail harder.
	If that makes sense.
	You're emotionally mature enough.
	You can see it as a test.
	You can see jail as a test.
	And you can draw from all your life experiences.
	It is a test.
	From God.
	That's all jail is.
	That's all life is.
	It's a test.
	It's all one big test from God.
	Bad shit's gonna happen to everybody.
	Perform as best as you can in the bad times, because that's what makes or breaks you.
	There are people, saying no names, who run into tiny inconveniences or little problems in life, and their whole life spirals into the toilet.
	Drink, drug addiction, fucking suicide attempts.
	They fuck their whole life up.
	Because of things which other people have dealt with a hundred times more.
	It's true.
	and not broken down and spiraled into depression and fucking self-loathing.
	And that's what I'm here to say.
	What time did we get mail? 8 I think. Wow.
	Break it.
	I'm going to do a Aikido Japane, using my ninja element.
	Do it.
	Break it.
	I'm the captain of Monte Cristo, I heard.
	Why'd you say that?
	Because we just are.
	Falsely imprisoned, released, and then richest, most influential, most powerful men in the entire realm.
	Our realm is on Francis Earth.
	Should we burn our cell down?
	Huh?
	Should we burn our cell?
	Don't burn our cell down.
	I like our cell.
	Why?
	Because.
	I like it here.
	Stop burning my fucking chair.
	I like this chair.
	It's a good chair.
	It's the best we've got.
	I'm gonna go to sleep.
	Now I'm going to sit on the edge of the bed.
	To mix things up a little.
	Oh, sit down!
	Nice.
	Do things interesting, you know?
	Yeah.
	Nice to lay down.
	Sit down.
	Stroll.
	Chair time.
	I stole it.
	It's a good point.
	I stole your comb, that's why I'm in jail.
	And you're in jail for having shit hair because you can't brush it, so now we're both in jail.
	Well, that's more of a justifiable reason than human trafficking, mate.
	I'm going to go ahead and get the camera.
	Is someone here?
	I'm going to call jail for all jail.
	I'm going to find you or Spider-Man.
	Thank you.
	I called Spider-Man gay before they started making his character gay.
	I literally knew it.
	I was totally right about that.
	Is Spider-Man's character gay now?
	Yeah.
	Why?
	Who says?
	Everyone's gay now.
	He's gay now.
	His character's gay.
	What do you mean?
	I did a tape speech saying Spider-Man's a little gay.
	Yeah.
	He's a loser.
	And now Spider-Man's like officially gay in the new comics or shit.
	What?
	Why?
	Isn't he Spider-Man for that Mary Jane bitch?
	I don't know.
	All the characters, all the actors who played him are little pussy boys as well, so I'll just... Have you ever saw... Who?
	The little gay actors, I don't know their names.
	Tom Holland.
	I know him.
	I saw Tom Holland did some scene where he got bummed and then had to take a year off Hollywood because he realized that he's a Satanist propaganda beast.
	Or something.
	I don't know exactly what happened, I just know he got bummed.
	He got bummed in a movie?
	Yeah.
	Why would he let himself get bummed in a movie?
	Because he wanted to be a good actor?
	Acting like you get bummed isn't noteworthy.
	Whoa, Tristan.
	It's artistic.
	What did he actually say?
	This is Satanist bullshit.
	I don't know.
	He said something he needs a year off.
	He said something bad about Hollywood, I think.
	I don't actually watch these people talk, and I don't really listen to these losers.
	I didn't know his name.
	I somehow heard in the ether that he somehow was unhappy with Hollywood after he let them bum him.
	That's not good.
	Why not?
	Well, it makes you repent.
	It's bullshit.
	Use the ear off or something.
	My bum hurts.
	Maybe his bum hurts, you know?
	What's wrong with the world, bro?
	What's wrong with the world?
	What's wrong with the world is that they have attacked the baseline of morality
	By destroying the most fundamental interactions between humanity, which are the masculine and the feminine, the perfect unison created by God, and by destroying the way men act and women act, and by extension, our collaboration with each other, they can extrapolate that chaos out towards the family unit, the town, the city, the state, the country, and with enough chaos and confusion, the world, then they can come along and say,
	This chaos and confusion must be remedied.
	We will remedy it with the following laws, and with more tolerance, and with the following regulations, and with more equality, and these other false gods and falsified ideas which have no genuine intention behind them, or any merit in regards to fixing the problem.
	The only goal for these things is more control in an attempt to create a slave class.
	So.
	Two.
	Condense my answer.
	They have made the world sick so they can give a false medicine, a false prescription, which leads to them getting more of what they want, which is control over your life, your mind, and destroying any remnants of personal sovereignty you have left.
	And they cannot install such draconian measures Without a degree of confusion and chaos, which is being artificially manufactured down at every single level of society, to the most base-level interactions, especially between how men and women interact, because men and women create children, which own the future.
	That is the answer.
	It's a very long answer to why Tom Holland got bummed, but it is the reason.
	Think about it.
	He's Spider-Man.
	Young boys look up to him.
	Now he's getting bummed.
	That's right.
	Maybe I should try to get bummed.
	Correct.
	We have a whole generation of men who can't watch Andrew Taker's, he's banned, but can watch their Spider-Man hero get bummed.
	And we've already talked about Ant-Man at length.
	Well, you have.
	I don't care about Ant-Man.
	Nobody should care about Ant-Man, but he was Netflix number two at the time I made the Ant-Man movie, which really, genuinely upset me, because now people want to be ants.
	This is my point.
	None of this is accidental.
	It's all extremely deliberate.
	And their goal is more control.
	The goal is always more control.
	Why are they doing anything?
	The goal is always going to be more control.
	The answer is always the same.
	Why are they trying to save the planet from imaginary climate change?
	Why are they trying to save you and protect you from imaginary COVID?
	Why are they trying to do any of the things they're trying to do?
	It has nothing to do with the reason they say they are doing it.
	They are doing all of it for more control.
	That's all they want.
	And when they have absolute and utter control, when you are fully disarmed, and you no longer have the capability to resist, you have to sit and think, do you trust these people, who have absolute sovereignty over your life, to not be draconian, and to not destroy elements of your life that you enjoy, once you no longer have the capability to resist deensly?
	Well, if you do, then you are a fool.
	You're certainly naive.
	Because once somebody cannot resist things, The answer is always the same.
	It's either slavery or death.
	And even the masculine spirit, which exists inside of all men, the innate masculine spirit to rebel against the system and the machine, which God has instilled inside of men to prevent tyranny, is being dampened and attacked consciously because they want us all to be eunuched.
	They want men to be semi-depressed, watching porn, without enough motivation, physical strength, or mental fortitude to do anything about the enslavement which is being bestowed upon them.
	Well, about their own lives, first and foremost, because that's the underpin.
	If they're not going to do anything about their own lives, then why would they care about the good of society?
	Correct.
	If you're too depressed and too sad to fix your own life, how can you fix anyone else's life, or take care of a family, or worry about your society?
	Which is why things like depression are advertised and why me helping men's mental health and telling men to not be depressed because depression isn't real is an act of rebellion against a matrix which puts me as a target for punishment because I'm genuinely helping men with the men's mental health crisis that they pretend they care about.
	Because they don't want you to be happy.
	Because if you're happy, you're better equipped and they want you disarmed.
	Completely and absolutely.
	They want you miserable.
	They want your woman to not listen to you.
	They want her to leave you and cheat on you and for some reason you have to tolerate that.
	They don't want you to have any sovereignty over your own household.
	You're not allowed to be a king in your own house.
	The house you work for and you pay for.
	You're not allowed to be in charge of in any regard.
	And any innate masculinity inside of you to protect and provide is now called oppressive.
	Yeah.
	If you find a woman and say, I'm going to pay your bills and make sure you're safe, you're an oppressive misogynist.
	Yeah.
	And it's all done on purpose.
	Because by destroying the masculine essence, there's no one left to fight.
	The women can't fight.
	They'll never get us, bro.
	Which is why our very being, our very existence, is seen as an act of rebellion against the system.
	And that's why the system wants us gone.
	So that's why Tom Holland got banned.
	of the world.
	It's a very elaborate and interesting theory, Ender.
	It all fits into it.
	Bro, we can go back down to something even more asinine.
	When Milli and Vanilli got caught with their tape on loop.
	Skipping.
	Girl, you know it.
	Their careers were over.
	In the 1980s, we expected our singers to sing.
	Yeah, we had standards.
	When Cardi B throws her microphone at some ratchet chick, because who else is gonna go see Cardi B?
	And I'm not even assaulting Cardi B, I don't know her as a person, but ratchet people went to her thing, and some ratchet girl threw a drink at her, and she threw her microphone back at her, and the music kept playing.
	Nobody even comments on the fact that she doesn't even perform anymore.
	It's all just a tape.
	And that's fine.
	Standards have fallen so greatly in the last 30 years, from the end of 1989 to now, the end of the 1980s to now, that we no longer even expect our singers to sing.
	I know that's a small thing, but things that would get you cancelled with moral outrage 30 years ago, now do not even turn ahead.
	They don't even register.
	They don't even register.
	Nobody cares.
	Nobody cares about anything anymore.
	You can be a singer and not sing, You can be a girl.
	You can be a model and be in horrible shape and look ugly.
	You can be a model and be ugly.
	You can be a singer and not sing.
	You can be a girl with no femininity.
	You can be a man with no masculinity.
	There are no standards at all for anything.
	The only standard they expect of you is for you to be unlimitedly tolerant to the insanity that they push and purport and propagate.
	That's all they want from you.
	The only thing we expect of you is tolerance, because if you're tolerant enough, you don't have any standards, you don't have any parameters, and you will accept the slave program.
	We don't want anything from you besides the ability to say everything else is okay.
	It's okay to have sex with children.
	It's okay for crying to go up.
	It's okay to burn down your own neighborhoods.
	It's okay to burn down your neighborhoods.
	It's okay to be godless.
	It's okay for singers not to sing.
	It's all fine.
	If you have an opinion on any of these things, you're a bad person.
	I would argue you're a good person to care about things, but no, not according to the Matrix.
	To the Matrix, you're a bad person if you care about anything.
	You're supposed to care about nothing under the guise of tolerance.
	Because you're a tolerant person, you have no standards for yourself or others.
	I will say right here, I'm an intolerant person, and I'm very intolerant towards myself.
	I would be intolerant of allowing myself to become physically unfit, for example.
	I'm intolerant of that.
	I have high standards for myself.
	By extension, high standards for the people I associate with, both romantically and fraternally.
	By extension, I should have high standards for the society I live in.
	But no, you're not allowed standards for anything.
	And that, guys, is why Tom Holland got bombed.
	Tom Holland got bombed.
	It's all an interconnected web.
	None of these things are small things.
	They're all very deliberate attacks on the human consciousness and psyche.
	How old's Tom Holland?
	I don't know.
	Does he even realize?
	Well... It's a good question.
	How many people inside of these entertainment arts Realize they're being used to propagate the worldview of Satan.
	A lot of them.
	Not all of them.
	A lot of them.
	Some of them just pretend they don't know for the money.
	Some of them may be well-intentioned, but it's too late.
	But I do feel like there's a shift in the culture coming and we have been a large part of that culture shift.
	We've made God cool again.
	I do think that's good for the world and I think that's exactly what the Western world needed.
	I also think by teaching men to have standards for themselves, by extension, like I just described, they're going to have standards for everyone around them and the societies they live in, which is going to make them less tolerant of insanity, which is good for the world.
	So the best way you can save the planet is by teaching men to have very high standards for their own capability.
	By teaching men to have very high standards for their own competence.
	I'm a man and I expect myself to be extremely strong and extremely rich and extremely smart and extremely connected and extremely funny and extremely charismatic, etc.
	You have all these standards for yourself and you work hard towards achieving them, you're going to start to have standards for everyone around you.
	Which is super important.
	Which is super important because that's how you save society.
	So men and their own personal work they do on themselves and their own personal struggles and their own wars is how society at large is fixed.
	People say I'm a misogynist, but they don't understand that for women to be truly happy, they need to have men they respect.
	And for women to be truly safe, they need to live in societies which are based on law and order.
	And for all of that to happen, you need to have men of genuine competence and capability and standards.
	So by increasing the capability of men and inspiring men to be the best versions of themselves... Women are happier and safer and everything by extension.
	Women are happier and safer.
	That's right.
	It would be misogynistic for me to do the opposite thing and not care about female safety and try and convince men that being weak is fine.
	Because it's not fine because there will always be a predator and there will always be a prey.
	And to a degree it takes a bad guy to stop a bad guy.
	And that is why Tom Holland got bumped.
	Tom Holland got bummed.
	Thanks for telling the world that, Andrew.
	I didn't even know Tom Holland got bummed.
	I don't keep up with pop culture.
	I saw some on Twitter.
	Well, pop culture is now Spider-Man getting bummed, so that's probably why I don't pay much attention to it.
	I don't think you're missing very much, to be honest with you.
	I think it's all a psy-op now.
	I don't think any of it makes any money anymore.
	Disney's lost money on every movie they made in the last five years.
	Well, I said this, so Best Buy released an advert saying our management team were not hiring whites for our management team. I'm like, Best Buy? Okay, that's an essential business. Computers, phones, electronics, everyone goes to Best Buy. After Bud Light fucked up, instead of taking the foot off the gas and saying no one do that anymore.
	They're all interconnected and there's somebody telling all of them to do this.
	No, no, no.
	Bud Light fucked up.
	Cool.
	You, Disney.
	You, fucking Best Buy.
	You.
	All of you go harder.
	Costa Coffee.
	Weird anagrams of people who mutilate themselves.
	Weird little drawings.
	Everyone go much harder.
	Because if we all do it, they can't boycott all of us.
	They need to eat and buy stuff from somewhere.
	So, let's go harder.
	It is all planned.
	There's no way any CEO or CFO of any company after the Bud Light debacle thinks, let's do this.
	There is no way those are independent decisions being made at a company level for companies that have no interconnectivity and have nothing to do with each other.
	There is somebody telling them to do this.
	Because if they go hard enough, then what?
	Then Walmart can do it.
	With their fucking... No, Target can do it with their gay kids, gay pride for three-year-olds clothings.
	Fine.
	If Target's the only supermarket in your town, you almost have to go to Target.
	They'll keep going harder and harder and harder until all of them are doing it.
	And if you wanna drink coffee and eat food and buy gas, you have to go to those businesses.
	It's not gonna stop.
	Lunacy.
	All I can do is become the Count of Monte Cristo.
	And that's it.
	So when we're creating push-ups out in thin air and doing push-ups, we're effectively saving the world.
	Thank you.
	Here we are.
	Someone has to do the push-ups.
	Someone has to do the push-ups to save the planet.
	Otherwise, more men like Tom Holland We're gonna fall victim to bum-bum attacks.
	Bum-bum, that's right.
	The bum-bum.
	Up the bum!
	Don't know it.
	I'm I can't help but tumble it.
	Shit, I fucked up.
	I did a perfectly even number and I'm now at 600.
	Yeah, don't want even numbers, mate.
	Nice.
	Yeah.
	Thank you.
	Sergeant, why did Tom Holland get bummed again?
	Tom Holland got bummed because they're trying to normalize degeneracy.
	Because there are certain things which have not been accepted, and if you don't accept things, you have hard-line parameters, and they have to destroy all parameters and degrees of morality inside of your mind so they can install the slave program.
	Because I'll argue actually something.
	I'll actually argue something about movies.
	You can have actors play gays in movies if there's a reason.
	Hear me out.
	Hear me out.
	Liberace, the pianist, yeah?
	They made a movie about Liberace, who was a homosexual, who was a piano player.
	No one celebrates him for being a homosexual, we celebrate him for being a piano player.
	He was a piano player.
	Michael Douglas plays him, and Matt Damon plays his boyfriend, but it's a movie about a homosexual guy.
	I feel like that's an excuse to make a movie.
	Watch it if you want, you know he's gay.
	But when they start making, like, Sulu in Star Trek gay, for no reason, They finish the space battle and then he goes and hugs and walks off with his boyfriend.
	No reason!
	There's no plot!
	Nothing about the story of Star Trek needed Sulu to be gay.
	Even the gay actor who originally played Sulu said Sulu isn't gay.
	They just inject it for no reason.
	It's not like a movie about Alan Turing where he's gay and he fancies his kid at school.
	I mean, he was gay.
	That's a movie.
	But they're doing it for no reason.
	I'd like to think that the Tom Holland Getting Bummed movie Probably wasn't a historical biopic.
	Well, yes.
	So there's an agenda there, isn't there?
	No.
	You're a misogynist.
	You're a misogynist.
	And you're dangerous to the minds of young people.
	I teach people to have standards for themselves, and that's why they consider me dangerous.
	Yeah, how dare you tell these young men to go to the gym and get in good shape.
	That's toxic.
	You should be fat, and soy, and sad, and watch porn all day.
	Because that's progressive, and that's great.
	That's healthy and normal, I hear.
	You don't know that?
	You don't have to stick to your heteronormativity worldview, that men need to be strong.
	That's toxic.
	You are toxic.
	Why am I in jail with you?
	I'm on the BBC's team.
	Give me a job, Matt!
	Try a spoonful of coffee.
	I'm a little bit tired.
	I'm going to sleep.
	Thanks for watching.
	But that's what they want to do to you.
	They're not going to put you in a Hollywood movie and ask you to get bombed in a movie, but they're trying to do that.
	They want you to do a Philip Schofield.
	I'll kill myself if you don't leave me alone!
	Hey look guys, look.
	And you take a big sensitive pussy, it's fine.
	You can all be the same.
	That's what they want to do to you, bro.
	They want to break me.
	They don't understand.
	They can put me in jail for a hundred years.
	I'll be smiling, dancing around, smoking my cigarettes.
	We don't break.
	Crimes that don't exist, we don't break.
	That's what they wanted.
	That's why they ambushed you at the BBC.
	Oh, you just got out of jail?
	We're going to ask you what jail was like.
	Yeah, but they're hoping you had your mental faculties slightly diminished.
	Correct.
	What you didn't realize is that in jail, we invented a coffee eating technique.
	That focused our laser eyes.
	Laser focus, yeah.
	You're right.
	So when you came out, you were in fact sharper than you ever were before prison.
	Correct.
	Because of the tobacco and coffee Aikido.
	Correct.
	That we invented within the walls of Bucharest Central, Bucharest Prison.
	She was totally unprepared for that.
	It blew her mind.
	She got famosed.
	Of course she's a loser.
	She's a loser.
	I'd love to see a report go for fucking Phillip Schofield and jump out the window, wouldn't he?
	And they never go for him.
	They ask him how he's feeling.
	Yeah.
	Oh, he was talking to 15-year-olds.
	I actually bummed him later when he was over the age he'd sent.
	At 15, I was just buying drinks.
	What?
	Bro, clown world.
	They let anyone who's on their team, they let them off.
	Yeah.
	The Matrix is real.
	Say the name Hugh Edwards, everyone.
	Don't forget about him.
	Everyone's forgot.
	Andrew said two days after they say his name, he'll be gone.
	It's gone.
	Never am I wrong, Hugh Edwards did in fact literally commit a serious crime.
	Trying to solicit pornographic images off of someone who's under 18 is the possession of child pornography.
	Even if that person was old enough to consent to physical sex in person, you can't take pornographic images.
	And he was Snapchatting his naked ass and getting images back from someone who's under 17?
	That is illegal.
	If you're a 21-year-old man and you get a 17-year-old girlfriend, don't let her send you pictures.
	That's illegal.
	You can date her and you can have a nice normal relationship.
	But that is a crime and Hugh Edwards committed that crime.
	Literally.
	The BBC.
	He committed a crime.
	Same.
	Maybe if you change your name to Hugh Edwards and I change my name to Phillip Schofield, everyone will leave us alone.
	What do you think?
	Good idea.
	You mean you can get a job with the BBC?
	Like Jimmy Savile in World of Tanks, it's going to be fun.
	I'm going to be playing a bit of World of Tanks.
	I need to do some pushups immediately, even one.
	I need to do some pushups immediately, even one.
	I'm a human error.
	Chocolate.
	I'm a human error.
	We'll get back to you.
	What do we need today?
	Two bowls of soup and potato.
	And some bread and an egg.
	A piece of chocolate would be nice.
	Do we have any commissary?
	No.
	We forgot to organize commissary.
	Commissary is getting empty.
	No man's getting through without me.
	I can't wait to get out and move forward with my life.
	Got a family that loves me and wants me to do right.
	But instead, I'm getting locked up.
	I'm locked up.
	I've been trying to find the motive.
	Motive.
	I do what I do.
	Should have named it no closer.
	Closer.
	No matter how far I'll go, that's why.
	Registration.
	Cops patrolling.
	That's some people. You're saying it's 200 years. They're that guilty age, sir. You f*****g kill people to hurt kids.
	You deserve 150 years of jail.
	Car is stolen. Registration. Cops patrolling.
	Now they're gonna stop me. And I've been locked up.
	I'm locked up.
	Mining I'm locked up.
	Whistling.
	It's amazing how time drags in jail.
	The end.
	Visitation no longer comes by.
	I feel like they forgot about me.
	Commissary is getting empty.
	Somebody is getting full without me.
	I'm getting full without you.
	I can't wait to get out and move forward with my life.
	What time is it?
	It's Chico time.
	What's he doing now?
	Who, Chico?
	Yeah.
	No idea.
	But Zing Lots, if you ask an English person in their mid-30s what time is it, they'll still say it's Geotime.
	But if you ask a person in their mid-30s what time is it, they'll still say it's Geotime.
	You scared?
	and the nation.
	For the love of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
	Amen.
	God bless you.
	God bless you.
	Amen.
	After a thousand punches, my hand will become stronger than the metal of a bed.
	I'll become Iron Hand.
	Man with the Iron Fist.
	Man with the Iron Fist, yeah.
	Who is that, Stalin?
	Um, I believe so.
	Steelhand.
	The son of the man of steel.
	I think it was Lumber, 8-9.
	I'm gonna light my beard on fire.
	to get you.
	You need to fluff your beard to effectively do a beard flame maneuver.
	Oof.
	I'm okay!
	Tristan!
	Tristan, I need one more cigarette, man!
	Your mate's back.
	Fuck this prison, man!
	I have business idea for you, Tristan!
	You're my brother!
	We can do Bitcoin!
	My brother have Bitcoin wallet!
	I can send you, but I need one cigarette!
	Fuck jail, Tristan!
	That's a good business idea.
	It's a good idea.
	We should try it.
	Think about it, Tristan.
	We might get rich.
	For one cigarette, it's worth a billion.
	If only when I was in jail I'd made those investments, I'd be so rich.
	Give him a cigarette and then we can get unlimited bitcoins.
	That's not how anything works.
	You're telling me you don't trust a crazy jailman?
	No, I don't trust a crazy jailman.
	Why?
	Because they're all insane.
	His brother has a bitcoin wallet.
	Do you understand?
	Interesting.
	Thank you.
	Yeah, I'm not listening anymore.
	I'm not listening anymore.
	ok
	that voice.
	That voice!
	Where did I first hear it?
	You heard it the first time in Marseilles, twenty-three years ago, the day to your marriage of Mademoiselle de Saint-Miron.
	Refer to your papers, sir.
	You are not the Abbé Boussoni?
	You are not Monte Cristo?
	Oh, heavens, and you are some concealed, implacable, immortal enemy!
	I must have wronged you in some way at Marseilles!
	Oh, woe to me!
	Yes, indeed, you are right, said the Count, crossing his arms over his broad chest.
	You condemned me to a horrible and tedious death.
	You killed my father.
	You deprived me of my liberty, of my love, and of happiness.
	Who are you, then?
	Who are you?
	I am the specter of a wretch you buried in the dungeons of the Chateau D'If.
	The form of the Count of Monte Cristo was given to that specter when at length he was issued from his tomb, enriched with gold and diamonds to reconduct him to you.
	I recognize you!
	I recognize you!
	exclaimed the prosecutor du Roi.
	I am Edmond Dantes.
	You?
	Edmond Dantes?
	cried Villefort, seizing the count by the wrist.
	They'd come here!
	And he dragged Monte Cristo up the stairs, who, ignorant of what had happened, followed him into astonishment.
	Hold Edmond Dantes, he said, pointing at the bodies of his wife and child.
	See?
	Are you now well revenged?
	So he killed the wife and child of the prosecutor?
	No, his wife poisoned herself and his child.
	Why?
	Because he set them all up and completely financially bankrupted everyone.
	And then what happened to the prosecutor after that?
	Well, he went mad.
	He went insane.
	I'm sure the prosecutor who protected his father knew that he was listening to some It's a good book.
	The best parts are when they find out who it is.
	After the huge build-up, they find out who was doing this.
	How does it end?
	Edmond Dantes does what at the end?
	Emma Dante's Mercedes, the girl he was going to marry, is left in destitution, but her son goes off to join the army.
	And the son is a good guy. The guy challenges the Count to a duel, and the duel doesn't take place because Mercedes snitches on his father and says what happens.
	So, Albert de Morser, the son of Mercedes and Ferdinand Le Traire, goes to join the army.
	Mercedes goes back to live in Marseille.
	Ferdinand Mondego blows his brains out, the guy who stole his wife.
	Monsieur de Villefort, the prosecutor, goes mad after his wife and child commit suicide.
	He goes completely insane.
	Monsieur de D'Ambroise, a banker at the time, and using insider training and his knowledge of information, completely bankrupts him.
	And when he completely bankrupts him, he holds him in a cell.
	And because his father starved to death to lack of money while he was in the Chateau d'If, Monsieur de Dunglars made to pay over a hundred thousand francs for each meal he's giving in the cell, so eventually he runs out of food.
	And as he starts starving, the Count of Monte Cristo has mercy on him and lets him go.
	And then, because he's sick of getting revenge for all these years, he lets Monsieur de Dunglars live.
	And then he has this, the young Turkish girl who was the daughter of the Ali, the What's his name?
	Ali Pasha, I think his name is?
	The Turkish guy who Ferdinand betrayed, the young girl he purchases as a slave to bear witness, is madly in love with him.
	And he lends all his money and his wealth to Maximilian Morel, the son of the shipowner he originally worked for, who was a good guy who tried to get him out of jail.
	And he absconds with Ayade and starts a new life with his beautiful new wife.
	And Mercedes left him, but left in poverty, which is why I hate the movies, when he marries Mercedes again, what, 14 years later, and she's got some fucking kid.
	Fifteen years later.
	You fk that bch.
	You fk that bch.
	Mercedes is a b**ch.
	So he gets a- he marries someone else.
	Yeah, he marries a young, beautiful, uh, Turkish-Greek princess.
	You know, scones are enough money in his yacht.
	He leaves everything else to the son of the shipowner who he originally worked for, who was the only man fighting to try and get him out of jail before his death, while he's still inside the ship.
	No, he died shortly after.
	My apologies.
	Happy ending all around.
	I don't get it, it's coming to him.
	I don't get it.
	He's completely financially destitute, reputation in shatters, had to leave Paris, lost his wife.
	Although he doesn't actually starve him to death as he originally planned.
	His life is still fucked.
	He's just a fucking idiot.
	To make it a good movie, you'd have to make it an 11 part Netflix series, 10 hours long.
	Can't do it in two minutes.
	Never been done as a series yet?
	No.
	And modern people wouldn't make it hard enough, you don't think?
	Harsh enough?
	No.
	Does he do some fucked up shit?
	Yeah.
	1875 no I think it was written in 1855 Oh I Don't know I Don't know I Don't know I Don't know I Don't know I
	I'm going to go ahead and get started.
	Don't know I Don't know I Don't know I Don't know I Don't know You
	She is equal, though.
	But you wouldn't write a book with that ending today.
	Evil how?
	Huh?
	What did she do?
	She was trying to seize power for the Cardinal in France to make him more powerful than the King.
	Which is an evil bitch who was fucking with everyone.
	In the end they chopped her head off.
	Good luck.
	It took me two weeks to figure out what the problem was.
	Okay.
	Nope.
	He was never smart anyway, he was an idiot.
	I never thought he was an idiot before.
	When I get a new phone, I move it around in my hand so I don't need a case.
	Shut up, you fucking dummy.
	You drop something, you drop something.
	Something bumps into you and you drop it.
	The fuck are you talking about?
	You sound like a cunt.
	If you know so much about space, how come...
	You're dumb.
	It's my argument.
	I'm better at origami than you.
	you next time.
	Bye.
	You bear with that.
	Thank you.
	We're going to have to do something about it.
	Take a look.
	It's a good one.
	I'm going to play it.
	and if you have a question, please feel free to ask.
	Thank you.
	Going to sleep.
	Sit and rest.
	Rest.
	Nice and rest.
	Nice and relaxed.
	Why do we put ourselves in jail?
	I don't know.
	Whose idea was this?
	I want Oreos.
	Yeah.
	So?
	How about cigarillos?
	How about cigarillos instead of warriors, mate?
	Bye.
	My favorite kind of O's.
	Just change the Ori for the Sigur Ril.
	Think about it.
	Yeah, that's true.
	You want to make that different? You got my front.
	you Maybe you need a nice strong coffee in a minute as well.
	if we've consumed enough coffee.
	Imagine being our persecutors, trying to attack us so heavily, and then when we get free, we lock ourselves in jail.
	Just stream on YouTube.
	.
	It's true.
	So, where are we going to sell?
	It's my only chair.
	It's a good chair.
	It's fireproof.
	Exactly!
	It's been blessed by the Holy Spirit.
	I'm going to burn the sacred I'm going to burn the sacred I'm going to burn the sacred chair of Tristan the throne of chair of Tristan the throne of chair of Tristan the throne of my jail.
	I made.
	I was stolen.
	So, registration.
	So when you finish we can go home.
	Well no, home time is already set for 24 hours.
	I think when you finish, we'll be free.
	All of us are.
	You never learned the lyrics to Sonic the Hedgehog.
	That's your mistake, buddy.
	It's the biggest mistake you've ever made.
	We're still on break.
	It's your fault.
	It's a peanut butter alert.
	It's a Peter Pan peanut butter alert, J.R. Layoff.
	It's a Peter Pan peanut butter alert.
	You and me?
	We have Backgammon in jail.
	Shanks?
	Shank fight.
	I'm going to do a little bit of a commentary on the fight.
	I'm going to do a little bit of a commentary on the fight.
	I forgot about leaning.
	Mmm.
	Can I have a nice little lean?
	New activity?
	Yeah.
	Lean was a thing.
	You can lean.
	You'll lean and smoke, you know?
	You can't drink anywhere.
	Could be a five-star hotel on the Almaty coast.
	We're going to take you to some loafers, smoking your cigarette.
	Just as good here.
	You're out of jail.
	Right.
	I've got a plan, Andrew.
	I am the Count of Monte Cristo.
	I have a plan to get horrible vengeance upon you.
	Why?
	You'll see.
	You'll see.
	I will have the most horrific vengeance you've ever imagined.
	Because I have the resources and the ability to take you down.
	And my revenge on you will be golden.
	Everyone watching will see it.
	I'm going to be doing a video on how to get rid of these.
	How many you on now?
	722.
	Two laps, do a few more free ones.
	Trust me.
	Yes What's a mask 100% Romanian jail beautiful Oh
	Yes!
	Freebies Bye.
	Right.
	Assalamu alaikum, Andrew.
	G'day.
	G'day, g'day.
	Sydney, Australia.
	G'day, Mike.
	G'day, Mike.
	Just curious your thoughts on Sikh warriors and the Sikh empire.
	We respect the Sikhs.
	We respect all kind of warriors in any empire.
	Yeah, the Sikhs are well-known warriors, and the Sikhs Famously, we're super pro-British, super pro-British Empire.
	Fought a bunch of famous last stands, outnumbered, so on and so forth, with the British.
	So they're historical allies and friends of the British Empire, especially during the occupation of India.
	And that guy in California recently who beat the shit out of that thief with a stick, I think proves the point.
	I said the 90s gave us rooftop Koreans.
	In 2023, we have stick Sikhs.
	Respect to both.
	A thousand push-up challenge is a bit hard.
	Well, duh.
	The whole point is that it's hard.
	That's the whole point of the beauty of victory.
	If it wasn't difficult, you wouldn't want it in the first place.
	It's supposed to be hard.
	I've discussed this at length on other podcasts, that every single thing you want in your life is difficult, because if it wasn't difficult to achieve, everybody would already have it, and it wouldn't have value.
	The idea that something is valuable means that it is hard to obtain.
	Value and difficulty are inexorably linked.
	They are the same thing.
	Saying something is difficult is the same as saying something is valuable.
	So when you say the 1,000 push-up challenge is difficult, what you've just said to me, in my mind, is the 1,000 push-up challenge is valuable.
	You should do it.
	You should achieve it.
	that you should complete it for special people who wish to go the extra mile and be exceptional individuals. Hey, Tates, I was unfortunately a victim of the COVID BS and got the jabs, but I've realized that it was a scam.
	I've learned my lesson.
	I'll never be manipulated again.
	I'd like to believe that's true.
	You're probably still being manipulated in more ways than you can possibly realize.
	You need to strongly analyze your brain, defrag, understand every single opinion you hold, where it came from, why you believe it, what the proof for it is, and does it genuinely benefit your life?
	Because I guarantee they are still manipulating you.
	Everybody is programmable on some degree.
	Do your best.
	You can't undo the damage, but be as fit and strong as possible.
	Do a thousand push-ups.
	Right now.
	Hello, brothers.
	$100 for the Tate Pledge.
	Thank you very much.
	Which version of the Bible should I get?
	King James is always good.
	Go for King James.
	King James.
	$50.
	Thank you, Tates, for helping me get back to the real world.
	I learned a lot on the campus, just giving this very small donation because I know it will go to a good cause.
	I would argue we're the most efficient charity on the planet.
	I have two people on the ground.
	I move them around between Iran, Turkey, Syria, these war-torn countries.
	I send them money and all the money is spent on food.
	If you give money to Food Aid or Oxfam or any of these other big charities, less than 10% of your money actually ends up helping.
	Accountants, salaries, MDs taking millions a year.
	Offices.
	Fancy PR companies, you're just- Fancy chairs.
	You're funding a scam.
	TakePledge is the most efficient charity on the planet.
	And for that reason, every single dollar is gonna go to actually feeding children as it should.
	It's disgusting what these other charities do.
	Yeah.
	Salam, brothers.
	Since listening to you both, I've become spiritually stronger, learned to defend myself, and I aim to have a pro fight.
	My mentality has improved.
	Thank you two for everything.
	God bless you and good luck.
	Good luck.
	You aim to have a pro fight.
	That sounds good.
	Super chat me again after you've had a pro fight.
	I don't like people who talk about things.
	I like people who have done things.
	I could aim to go to the moon.
	It doesn't make me a fucking astronaut.
	Let's talk when it's done.
	Hello, Andrew and Tristan.
	I would like to ask you what I could do in order to be more confident with girls.
	I'm not fat, but I'm not skinny either.
	What can I improve or do?
	That sounds like you're in bad shape.
	One.
	Confidence naturally exudes a man who knows that he has the things that people look for.
	Whether it be when looking for a woman to settle down with, have a family with, whether or not it's in business and you have the mindset and the competence and the knowledge to go to a business meeting and sit down, you know that you have what it takes.
	The way you describe yourself, I'm not fat, but I'm not skinny either.
	You don't want to be either of those things.
	What you want to be is muscular and fit and healthy, and you will naturally exude the confidence which your hard work gives to yourself.
	So confidence comes after hard work, because anybody in today, 2023, you could be Sam Smith.
	You could be a disgusting, pudgy, pasty, horrible looking creature and be confident as hell, because as Andrew was talking about earlier, During this live today, no one's expected to have any standards, but although society can get rid of standards for people, people don't get rid of standards for people.
	We can give everyone participation trophies and say it's all fine, but a woman looking for a man to protect her, to provide for her, to start a family with her, to let this man into her bed, to give this man sexual access to her, these women will still have standards.
	So you can listen to The Matrix and be Not skinny and not fat, and I don't know how I can get more confidence.
	Or you can do all the hard work it takes to become the kind of man who will naturally be confident because you have all the tools.
	So get to work, forget women for a year, see where you are in 12 months, and hopefully the confidence should come naturally to you, my friend.
	Yeah.
	Confidence is a side effect to competence.
	If you get good at things, you'll naturally be confident.
	The reason you're not confident is because you have nothing to be confident in.
	I'm not fat, but I'm not skinny either.
	I don't like the sound of that.
	No, you're out of shape.
	You're out of shape.
	You should be in fantastic physical condition.
	You should be as smart as possible.
	You should be working as hard as possible.
	Confidence is a side effect.
	Confidence isn't something you build.
	You build your capability and it comes as a side effect.
	Hello, Andrew.
	I'm a 17 year old.
	I'm a student in the real world.
	My parents are getting divorced and it's making it hard for me to focus in my environment.
	Any advice on how to stay focused?
	There are 17-year-olds right now being dragged into wars, going to fight on the front lines.
	There are 17-year-olds right now.
	There are 10-year-olds right now who are the heads of entire families in places like Yemen, because our whole family's been blown up by a bomb.
	Divorce?
	So wait, you still have your mother, you still have your father.
	I only got one parent.
	I'm not going to hear about divorce.
	Any advice on how to stay focused during hard times?
	Yeah, here's the advice.
	It's not that hard.
	Yeah, during hard times, you need to be more focused than ever.
	That's when it's most essential.
	If you truly are worried about your parents getting divorced and you have a vested interest in seeing both of them, and I'm sure you having financial capability will make that more likely to happen.
	Being broke is not going to make you more likely to see both your parents as opposed to being rich.
	If you're rich, you can miss work or change a school date or catch a flight, etc.
	So if you're truly worried about your parents getting divorced, then you need as much money as possible.
	And that is your reason to focus.
	Hard times are fantastic motivation for you to become the best version of yourself.
	Damn right.
	And if hard times are instead distracting you from personal excellence, then you are born to lose.
	If you're a loser, stay a loser.
	Winners, when bad things are happening, we use that for fuel to make sure that we perpetually win into eternity.
	Hello, G. So the past five months, I've been dealing with my mom who has brain cancer.
	She recently passed away.
	And without you guys, I wouldn't be where I am today.
	Sorry to hear that.
	Rest in peace, brother.
	And, uh, it's the natural order of life that parents go before children.
	It's just something all children have to deal with.
	So stay strong, start a family of your own, name your first daughter after her, and, uh, she'll continue to live through your family and your bloodline.
	Helm of West.
	After a month in the real world, I quit my normal job because I was making money.
	My business has given me financial freedom, so I'm thanking you both for helping me with that.
	You're welcome.
	And now if they come along with a new vaccine that all the normie people in your normie job are forced to inject inside of themselves, even though they know it's poison, you no longer have to do it.
	Financial freedom is more than just.
	Having money, it's autonomy over your ideas, autonomy over your time and autonomy over your bloodstream.
	So it's extremely important to become as rich as possible.
	And that's why we teach how to make money inside of the real world, because you cannot resist the matrix if you are dependent on a wage, because they will simply restrict your ability to earn money.
	And then you will end up having to do what they want you to do so you can eat.
	What did we talk earlier about war?
	Yeah, number one objective of war.
	Disarm your Disarm your opponent.
	They want you bankrupt.
	They want you broke.
	They disarm you by taking your money away, taking your spirit away, taking your resolve away.
	But when you have no money, it's very difficult for you to do anything at all.
	You have to become an independent, sovereign individual if you want to be independently thinking.
	Thank you, Andrew and Tristan at eCobra.
	Thank you, Andrew and Tristan.
	I wish you and your family all the best.
	Thank you very much.
	$20.
	We'll donate that to the Tate Pledge.
	I want to thank both you guys for helping me get back on my feet by FNFBHFB.
	Andrew, when do you get the Rimac Navara?
	Uh, good question.
	We'll see when all this is over.
	For now, it's in, uh... It's somewhere.
	It's somewhere.
	Rimac Navara?
	Do we have a Rimac Navara?
	No, we don't have a Rimac Navara.
	No, we don't have a Rimac Navara.
	I think you guys should get some dirt bikes for you and the crew.
	Me and Tristan quit super bikes.
	I think we kind of quit dirt bikes by extension, don't we?
	Our bikes are safe enough, but... A few days ago, rest in peace to Dean.
	A good friend of mine died on a superbike the other day.
	It's hard on me, me and Andrew.
	You know, we've lost a friend.
	That's only 48 hours ago, but, you know, you gotta keep going strong and keep your head up.
	So rest in peace to Dean who recently just died on a motorcycle.
	He was a real one.
	If you are a pious man, it doesn't matter if you're in a yacht or in jail, you'll always be okay because you're with God.
	It's like Nicklass, true.
	If you believe in who you are and you believe in you're doing the right thing, it doesn't matter in your surroundings nearly as much.
	Because if you're empty on the outside, it's like being cold-blooded.
	If you're a cold-blooded animal, you need heat from the outside.
	If you're a warm-blooded animal, you can generate your own body heat.
	And spirituality is, to a degree, warm-bloodedness.
	So if you're a completely empty vessel, you're cold-blooded, and you need to have fantastic surroundings around you for you to be able to feel some fantastic.
	But if you generate your own powers deep within your spirit and soul, it doesn't matter if you're inside of a jail cell.
	Damn right.
	I've been working on myself to become the best and working out every day.
	I never thought I'd achieve what I've achieved.
	I'm 32 from Sydney, Australia.
	Congratulations, money leader.
	leader. Lots of people asking me questions about what they should do financially.
	Should I pursue this option or that option?
	The best financial decision that exists on the planet Earth today is the real world.
	It costs less than lunch, and I will teach you how to make money online.
	I could teach anybody with 18 modern wealth creation methods.
	If you do not invest less than your lunch money in learning how to make money online so you can be rich for the rest of your human years, you deserve to perpetually lose.
	Everybody who is not inside of the real world is a loser.
	Hands down.
	Fact.
	Tristan, this is your ancestors.
	Set yourself on fire.
	Shit!
	Fuck!
	The ancestors can super chat.
	Run out of options now, ain't you, mate?
	Nah, it's a hoax.
	It's a hoax.
	I don't believe you.
	Hoaxer.
	Improving every day.
	You two had a massive impact on my life since I lost my father.
	I know.
	Be proud.
	Implementing your strong mindset.
	Top G. Congratulations.
	Surtee.
	Autumn, a girl.
	Hey, again, I absolutely adore you guys.
	I know you think all women are psyops, but I truly hope to meet a man like you.
	Keep inspiring men to be better someday so I can be a perfect wife.
	Yeah, the man says he's a fan of Andrew, Tristan, and Tate.
	He's going to treat you respectfully.
	He's going to protect you, provide for you.
	He might make a joke that he can drive better than you and you're going to have to get over that.
	I wish you luck.
	What advice can you give to my little brother to be a professional fighter?
	He's working towards his black belt.
	Work hard or train.
	Yeah, work hard or train, fight.
	Everyone knows the answers to these questions.
	There's no point in asking people like me.
	Or, you know, if you want to be a boxer and you think, oh, if I email Floyd Mayweather enough times, if he replies, I'll be a great boxer because Floyd Mayweather is great now.
	You want to be a boxer, you already know what you have to do.
	Go to the boxing gym for more hours than your opponents and try harder and train harder and eat better and sleep better than all of your opponents and you will be a good boxer.
	Floyd Mayweather emailing you is not going to change that.
	So you shouldn't waste your time asking questions like this of successful people.
	Correct.
	Assalamualaikum.
	I'm from India.
	I tried to join the real world, but it doesn't accept payments from India.
	It will do very soon.
	We have an Indian payment processor coming online.
	You can also join using crypto.
	So use crypto and you can get something real world.
	There's no excuse to not be inside of it.
	Like I said, it is so cost effective.
	I'm refusing to put the price up for as long as possible, even though the price should have raised months and months ago.
	And the other people are talking to me about putting it up.
	I'm not doing it because at $49 a month, it is cheaper than lunch.
	So anybody who is not inside is objectively a loser and deserves to lose.
	In almost every country in the world, you can earn that in one day.
	Hi guys.
	I'm a big fan.
	You're my son's hero.
	He wants to shave his head and do fighting like Andrew said.
	Good.
	Make sure he gets good at it because fighting's not something you can play with.
	You're gonna have to be very good at it or he's gonna get hurt, so make sure he trains hard.
	Andrew and Tristan, how do you deal with physical sickness?
	I currently have strong fever.
	I can't focus on my work.
	Look, you get sick, you get better.
	Telling me certainly won't help.
	Me and Andrew have a saying, if I'm feeling sick, Whether it be, I don't know, flu, cold, food poisoning, hangover, I will never, ever, Andrew, I feel sick, because he will reply.
	Do you want therapy?
	What do you want, therapy?
	As in talking about it isn't going to fix anything.
	You've just sent me that message.
	Do you feel better?
	No, I didn't think so.
	Go to bed, get some sleep, eat some food.
	You'll be fine.
	Completely.
	Me and my brothers are a lot like you two.
	We identify with you.
	Good.
	I think all brothers should be close.
	I don't understand why brothers are arguing with each other.
	I see that, and it genuinely saddens me.
	Agreed.
	Hey, G's!
	I live virtually through you, 24-7.
	You're my true brothers.
	You're very inspiring.
	Sad, do push-ups.
	Depressed, do push-ups.
	Happy, do push-ups to celebrate.
	Hope I can meet you one day.
	You're completely right about the push-ups, and you will meet us one day if you join the War Room and follow the white path.
	That is the only way to meet us.
	There's no other way.
	Yeah, we don't keep outsiders around.
	You interested and inspired my twin and I to be much closer to each other.
	You guys are alpha and extremely educated men.
	We love you guys.
	God bless you both.
	Thank you.
	Can you tell us about Wudan?
	Who made it?
	What is the whole story?
	Will you do anything interesting with the stories in the future, like a book or a movie?
	Sending love and strength from Prague.
	Yes.
	We actually have an animated series, which has already begun.
	And you can see that on CobraTape.com.
	Go to CobraTape.com, go to Information, and click on Lessons from Wudang.
	These are stories that I wrote with my father when he was still alive, when I was fighting professionally, and they were beginning to be animated.
	We're producing an animated series, so Tales of Wudang is already coming true.
	Also, Planet T, which is something we're launching shortly.
	We're going to build an entire artificial intelligence world built with AI.
	Kind of think of Minecraft, but not geeky.
	We're going to build a brand new planet.
	All members of Hostiles University are going to be allowed to own a percentage of this planet, this brand new future we're going to own, and Mount Wudang will exist, and it'll be a place that you can visit on the planet.
	Once again, more information exists about that.
	Go to carpetec.com, click on AI to learn about the planet we're building, and Mount Wudang will come true there.
	And also go to the Tales of Wudang story, read the tales, and watch the animated series.
	And all the tales have an important lesson in them.
	If you join the War Room, we discuss the tales at length, and we also talk about the lessons that are inside of them.
	But if you read them, you should be able to decipher the lessons that are there for you.
	$10 for tape ledge.
	Thank you very much, Dylan.
	Kareem, I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer five months ago.
	I want to let you know you both helped me stay strong and made me mentally stronger.
	We're trying to beat this cancer.
	Good.
	Absolutely.
	There's no advantage to being mentally weak in times of war.
	No advantage whatsoever.
	And being a defeatist, there's no advantage to that either.
	So keep fighting, bro.
	Andrew, Tristan, where's the best place to meet high-quality women?
	Dive bars are usually filled with low-quality women and the regulars.
	You think those type of women are really wifeable?
	No.
	Well, don't go to dive bars, Juan.
	I don't believe if you're a man trying to socialize at all, you should be hanging out at dive bars.
	It's not about low-quality women are there.
	Low-quality people are there in general.
	So Chief Brandon, the fact that you go to them tells me maybe you need to work on yourself a little bit.
	If you were going to the higher class establishments, five-star hotels, hotel bars, drinking coffee, dress nice, you'd probably run into women that are of much higher quality.
	So that's like saying, oh man, I'm trying to get healthy food, but there's just none at McDonald's.
	I eat at McDonald's every day.
	I like going to McDonald's.
	I just can't find healthy food.
	You're making the wrong choices in your life because you know you're looking in the wrong places, but you are also of the clientele of those places.
	If you don't stand out there, if you don't look like you're out of place, maybe you work a bit harder, bro.
	Vladzzz, tell Tristan the story of the man who sold cars again.
	Magas Nondos.
	I'm 21 years old.
	I have to tell you a story.
	I'm making 1.5k a month from passive income in Greece.
	I'm inside HQ.
	Am I doing good in life for a 21 year old?
	I admire you guys a lot.
	You don't need me to tell you whether you're doing good or not.
	You probably know that yourself.
	I don't know enough about your life.
	1.5k a month.
	Passive income.
	Yeah, cool.
	Are you also working?
	Because that's still fucking nothing.
	Although it's passive income.
	Although it's, you know, money that you can, I guess, live on.
	You could live off 1.5k a month.
	It's still almost zero in the grand scheme of things.
	So if you're not working 50 hours a week, no, you're not doing well in life because you're not living up to your full potential.
	So I would say do better.
	Thoughts on the Amish.
	Their values are based on who is in their lives and not Where and which?
	Kind of the same values you were talking about in jail from the slave mine.
	Thoughts on the Amish?
	The Amish are, as far as I know, good, God-fearing people.
	In the 1980s you would have thought they were a bit crazier because the world was very... in the 1950s and 60s and 70s, certainly.
	when the world was stable and nice and normal and men and women had marriages and had children and stuff, the Amish trying to abstain from all technology and abstain from the modern way of life seemed a bit crazier to me than it does in 2023. I feel like if you could take some Amish elders around and show them what has become of the world and they'd be truer in their convictions now than they would be in say the 1950s. True, but they're also still, and this is the thing where They're still relying on a degree of good grace from the government.
	Yes.
	They have no capability.
	They have no financial means.
	They have no physical capabilities.
	They don't talk about physicality and the American government were to one day outlaw them.
	They've had very little reproach or repercussions.
	They wouldn't be able to do shit.
	So when you're surviving based on charity, I don't think that's a good way to live.
	So it's good that they focus on the who, but you should also be building up the what and the where's because you should be capable in all realms, especially when your enemies are capable in all realms and Darwin said it's the most adaptable that survive and I cannot imagine the Amish being very adaptable people.
	Agreed.
	Wendell says, wanting to give to Tate Pledge.
	Been doing this 24 hours alongside you both.
	I'm currently in 1115 push-up.
	How is this only 190th of what you went through?
	That's worth massive respect.
	Yeah, I want all of you to understand that, to understand that the full ordeal of what we went through, this is not an entertainment episode of Tate Confidential.
	This is not an informational episode of Emergency Meeting Podcast.
	This is a recreation of what we went through in prison.
	So to get the full Perspective of what we went through, you'd have to play this video to yourself 92 times in a row.
	It would be a lot of the same that you've seen here.
	Laying down, you know, moments of silence, quietly reading, smoking cigarettes, pacing back and forth, doing push-ups.
	We didn't write a script for this.
	We didn't want it to be entertainment value.
	We wanted it to be very reflective of the true experience.
	So if you have three months to waste, Watch this and lock yourself in your room and watch this 92 times in a row and then you'll understand what they put us through for absolutely nothing.
	They've done damage to our lives, they've done damage to this country's reputation.
	I don't quite understand why it's happened yet.
	All I know is God is the best of planners and he will see me through this no matter what my enemies try to do.
	The first place you'll visit after being released from house arrest was the mosque.
	So can we consider that your next God willing, it's coming.
	I'm being worked on.
	God willing, it's going to come.
	I'm a preferred food Gurkha and I'll- Being worked on, God willing it's gonna come.
	Serenity now 830, no, just wanted to make you guys a contribution to take pledge.
	You guys are legends.
	We need more people that aren't scared to openly challenge the stats quo and promote traditional values.
	Thank you, Serenity now.
	You continue or I'll push off too.
	I'm gonna do a fist and I'm gonna do a push off.
	I have an athletic body, not jacked and improving my finances a lot.
	I can't seem to find the attention of any female.
	I'm alone and have urges and needs as a man.
	That's a gay way to say it.
	What do you suggest?
	I suggest you become more important.
	I suggest, firstly, you don't have urges and needs because that makes you sound like you're a coward to your urges and needs.
	You are in control of every aspect of your life.
	And obviously you're not as important as you need to be to have the things you want in life.
	So clearly you need to become more important.
	There is no shortcut to these things.
	People ask me questions looking for a shortcut.
	The difference between me and every other influencer is I'm not going to sit here and slam women, insult women, blame women.
	Blame the world.
	I don't blame on any of these things for the reason you're failing.
	I've always only ever taught masculine excellence because the only answer I've managed to see genuinely works for the problems that you're facing in society today.
	I'll chime in very quickly because I heard the way the question was phrased.
	I have needs as a man.
	It's phrased very badly.
	And from that one line alone, I can tell there's something broken in your mindset and the way that you look at things.
	Sexual access to a man is the most sacred thing that a woman can possibly give you.
	You having needs as a man has nothing to do with the equation.
	Absolutely nothing.
	Because if I were sitting there in the middle of a field saying, I have needs as a man, I'm hungry.
	I have needs as a man, I'm starving.
	And I refuse to work.
	And I refuse to plant.
	And I refuse to plow.
	And I refuse to farm.
	And I refuse to grow anything.
	Then who gives a shit that I have needs?
	No one gives a shit.
	Women don't give a shit.
	I don't give a shit.
	And Andrew doesn't give a shit.
	You wouldn't talk in such a desperate way if you had a better outlook on what it is you were trying to achieve.
	I don't like the way your question was phrased, frankly.
	Hi, Olaf from the KSA.
	Where's KSA?
	Uh, I don't know.
	Why do I feel KSA?
	KSA.
	Where's KSA?
	I don't know.
	Make a live stream showing the boring work you do to maintain your wealth and give a good idea of what rich men go through to stay rich.
	Imagine this, but me sitting on a laptop.
	It's this, but us on a laptop.
	KSA is Saudi, bro.
	Ah, nice respect.
	Kingdom of Saudi Arabia.
	Yeah, correct.
	Thank you, bro.
	I can't wait to visit Saudi.
	We're going to come very soon.
	Yeah, I'll be there.
	And imagine this, but us on laptops.
	That's it.
	We work endlessly.
	More comfortable chairs.
	Hello, my name is Kuba.
	Thanks for inspiring me and showing us how your life can look like if you work hard and become the best version of yourself.
	Greetings from Poland.
	Look forward to seeing you soon.
	We're in Warsaw soon, God willing.
	Stay strong, Top Gs.
	Keep up the strong mentality.
	Trust the process.
	Hey Tate, I'm a 16 year old.
	I'm making 20k a month in the real world and training every day to be the best shape of my life.
	What do you recommend I do?
	Cause I'm not old enough to join the war room.
	You save your money.
	You keep training, become an absolute animal.
	And when you're 18, we'll be waiting for you inside of the war room.
	Cause you still have a whole bunch more to learn.
	It's good you're making 20k a month so young.
	A lot of people think making money is hard.
	Making money is actually extremely easy once you know how to do it.
	If you're not making as much money as you want to make in the world today, it's completely your fault because I will teach you how to do it.
	And it's not even difficult.
	Making money is easy.
	What's difficult after you make money is becoming the man that can do the kind of things that makes money worth having and also be the kind of handle the fact that you're rich completely.
	It's like a fast car.
	You have to be a very competent driver to drive the top of the range supercars.
	And if you're making 20, $30,000 a month, and you're under 20 years old, you need to be working on being the type of man that can handle that without being hustled, without being robbed, without being gold dug, without being, you know, all the bad things that can happen to people with money.
	Completely true.
	So you have a whole lot more to learn.
	So money is the easy part and anybody who's still struggling with money hasn't even passed the first level.
	There's a hundred levels to life and money is level one and it's truly the easiest.
	So I don't understand how anybody's struggling to make money today, especially when I'll teach you exactly how to do it.
	And I'll teach you for less than your lunch inside the real world.
	$100 for Tate Pledge.
	Can you share all the books you have with you in jail?
	Much love, Oliver Jackson.
	We have the Koran, we have the Bible, we have From Russia with Love with Ian Fleming, the original Vaughan, we have The Life of the Prophet Muhammad by Iman Bin Qatir, and Karl von Clausewitz on War.
	And of course, the Count of Monte Cristo, greatest book, my favorite book, my favorite fictional book.
	Hello Andrew and Tristan, what's the most valuable lesson or insight you've gained from this experience?
	Has this prison experience enhanced or deepened your brotherhood?
	Well, that's easy.
	Yes, it absolutely has enhanced or deepened our brotherhood.
	It shows that as long as we're together, nothing can break us.
	Ever.
	What's the most valuable lesson or insight we gained from this experience?
	There's been a whole bunch of lessons and insights, and I don't think I learned anything new as opposed to having things I already knew confirmed.
	Yeah, I had a lot of things that I already knew about myself confirmed.
	And also, I have no more fear of what they can do to me.
	Now I feel like this persecution and the people who are involved in it are so fervently and adamantly obsessed with the idea of putting me in jail.
	And I just know that these people's life sucks so much more than mine, even when I'm in jail.
	So, uh... Yeah, their obsession is, uh... Their obsession is unhealthy.
	It's unhealthy.
	It's criminal, almost, because you shouldn't be throwing innocent men in jail, whoever's doing this to me, and I would say that.
	Yeah, the reason they're doing it, I think, comes from a place of hatred.
	I've learned that hatred is very destructive and hatred is very evil, because I've got nothing but love for everyone and anyone in the world who I come across.
	And I could never do what has been done to me to anybody, for any reason.
	Absolutely beautiful to see the power of masculinity and brotherhood, which you rarely could find anywhere else.
	Shows the true power of the Force of Tate Brothers.
	Thank you for your work.
	All brothers should be as close as us, and I don't understand why they're not.
	The main reason is usually when someone is obsessed with a woman or some female petty bullshit or dick measuring or garbage. You have enough enemies in the world, you can have an ally, you can have someone on your side and that's what brotherhood is all about.
	Yeah.
	Thank you.
	Even if you just make fun of each other all day and tell each other to light themselves on fire.
	Correct.
	That's also love.
	Thank you for your two sons, Andrew and Tristan.
	Rest easy, sir.
	Big G. Thank you for the dedication.
	He was the Big G. Incorrect.
	Yeah, and the movie, he ends up back with Mercedes.
	It's a farce.
	Incorrect. Counting Money Crystal, the best book ever written.
	Yeah, in the movie he ends up back with Mercedes. It's a farce.
	Like, the plot line's kinda good, but read the book. Trust me.
	It'll take you about 56 hours on Audible, or probably 40 hours of actually reading.
	Fuck the movie.
	The book's the greatest.
	The truth always wins.
	The Matrix attacks are no match for you and Tristan's mental fortitude stays strong.
	I love the best decliners.
	Ryan.
	Thank you very much, Ryan.
	You're completely correct.
	Thank you to both of you for showing me what true brotherhood bond looks like.
	I never got to meet my brother before he committed suicide.
	My mother kept us separate and denied he existed.
	Sorry to hear that, bro.
	Sorry to hear that, but you can make new brothers.
	And the way you make brothers in the world, the most fantastic way to get what you want is to give what you want.
	If you give love, you receive love.
	If you give tolerance, you receive tolerance.
	If you give respect, you get respect.
	Exactly.
	If you're a good brother to someone, you'll have a good brother back.
	And maybe someone will screw you over, but you can't let that poison your heart and destroy who you are as a person.
	Because I've got 10 brothers.
	Yeah, we have a bunch of brothers inside the war room.
	We have more than just us two.
	$100 for tape pledge, again from OJ Rizzle, the same guy who asked for the books.
	Thank you, bro.
	What different cigarettes are you smoking?
	How much stuff can you do with $100 for tape pledge?
	We can do a lot with $100.
	I think depending on which country, the meals cost between $1.50 up to $3.50, depending where.
	So there's a lot of people eating.
	75, 80 children sat around a big table.
	Eating in your name.
	So thank you, brother.
	That means a lot.
	We're smoking the same Cigarettes we got in jail.
	Marlboro Storm Mist Cigarillos and Hard Chesterfields, which are a lot rougher.
	Gotta mix it up.
	$20.
	Today I broke my record for a DB chest incline.
	12 kilograms times 8.
	For most that's easy.
	For me it was tough.
	I posted a video on X for users to see if I can do it.
	You can too.
	Thanks for the motivation.
	Good.
	Good for you bro.
	Now you have a new record to beat.
	Records must always be beaten.
	You must always be pushing.
	The only way to ensure you retain everything you have in life is to constantly be gaining and trying to achieve more and more.
	Which is why when a guy in fantastic physical shape wants to retain his body, he still goes and tries to become stronger.
	He tries to become bigger because it's a guarantee to retain.
	Think of everything as rent that you're paying.
	Whether it be your mind, you have to keep reading and keep learning and keep Expanding your knowledge of the world, otherwise you stagnate and you lose it.
	Same with your physical fitness, same with your relationship with your brother, or your friends, or your wife, or your girlfriend.
	Same with business relationships, same with your company.
	Everything is rented.
	In 200 years, your company, your girlfriend, none of these things will exist anymore.
	You have to work to maintain them to the highest standard possible while you're still here and alive and breathing.
	Absolutely, that would be true.
	How many have you got left?
	Any questions I've got left?
	886. Nice! Woo!
	886.
	Nice!
	Woo!
	uh
	so
	God's always watching.
	uh uh Thank you.
	Leave these?
	Yeah.
	I don't have your letter.
	9-11, eh?
	7-1.
	71.
	Nothing about time in jail.
	No excuse not to do a thousand push-ups a day in jail.
	You can do 400 a day in a normal life, but in jail is no excuse.
	In jail you have time.
	And let me tell you something to you young men out there.
	Young men, most of you are in jail.
	I'll explain something.
	Totally true.
	Twelve years ago, I lived in a one-bedroom apartment with Andrew.
	I had no money, no gas in the car, nothing to do.
	There was nothing to do.
	I had a slight bit more entertainment in jail.
	I could have played video games.
	I didn't.
	The point is, most of you young men are in jail.
	You can't go out.
	You can't do anything.
	You can't do anything worthwhile.
	You can't put on any nice clothes that cost any money.
	You can't drive your car.
	You are in jail.
	Do a thousand push-ups.
	If you're at home all day, and you find yourself at home all day, and you'd love to go out and do things, but you can't, you are in jail.
	That's what jail means.
	It may not have as solid walls as some of the jails I've been in, but I'm telling you, it's got invisible walls.
	You can't just go to the south of France right now.
	Why?
	Because you're in jail.
	You're confined.
	One thing or another has confined you.
	You're confined in one way or another.
	And that's why I laugh at a lot of my Inlanders haters.
	When I have fun in house arrest, I'm like, you're under house arrest.
	You're confined to house arrest basically for your entire life.
	Maybe on your wife's birthday, you could take her out to fucking Chili's.
	But besides that, you're under house arrest anyway, or you're locked in your office.
	Yes, young men, many of you are in fact in jail.
	So a thousand push-ups a day.
	No excuses.
	Agreed.
	That's what jail means.
	Many different forms of jail, bruh.
	Some people have no freedom at all.
	Despite the fact that they've never been victim of a judicial system, or a false accuser, or anything that can get them thrown in jail.
	Didn't do for you at all.
	So I take 92 days and one hour left.
	Fucking hell, bro.
	Fucking hell.
	It's insane, isn't it?
	92.
	So I take 92 days and one hour left.
	I'm going to die.
	I warm down my fingernail when it hurts.
	You know, therapy.
	I have to give credit to the team, Andrew.
	This was a sick video.
	I'm going to die.
	I'm going to die.
	It's close to as makes no difference, Jail.
	Literally.
	I have to give credit to the team.
	Yeah, this was Jail.
	The shouting, the music playing, the guards ransacking your room, the guards being rude and throwing your stuff on the floor.
	It's... They really did nail it.
	I'm very happy.
	I explained what Jail was like and left it down to my team.
	The crappy potato soup.
	Like... 100% Jail.
	Today I could have eaten nothing but steak and caviar and champagne and strawberries.
	And I ate two bowls of potato soup, a potato, some ramen noodles and an egg.
	Authenticity is what matters.
	My Count of Monte Cristo revenge moment is coming up.
	I'm going to do a little bit of a workout.
	No time to be sad, there's push-ups to be done.
	Exactly.
	way. Can't be sad when there's push-ups to be done.
	Because at the end of the push-ups, there's happiness.
	Exactly.
	Correct.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	The dance of medieval Correspondent Jose Carl.
	That's all I remember.
	Oh, is that it?
	Oh, that's it?
	I think it's Aikido.
	It sounds super like that.
	Yeah.
	But you have to be a really ugly Spanish girl.
	We got Jackie doing.
	I'm going to do it.
	Ah!
	That's confusing.
	What do you got?
	Keto?
	It's too complicated.
	Ah!
	That's confusing.
	Everyone's got to keep those arms.
	It's called the A.
	It's called the A for me.
	Best music ever.
	["Maria de Sofia"]
	["Maria de Sofia"]
	Oh, my favorite song's over.
	Devastated.
	Devastated.
	Oh, more push-ups.
	Oh, push-ups.
	More important than me walking around doing the dance?
	Yes.
	You're right, I forgot about leaning.
	Forgot about leaning.
	I have seven push-ups left.
	And now, at the end of my incarceration, having dealt with all I've dealt with, will let the viewers know my Count of Monte Cristo revenge plot comes full circle on the man who upset me.
	On the man who everything that bad has happened in my life It's his fault.
	I remember trying to rest, and this man did a thousand push-ups, and started screaming about how noodles in a cup were superior to noodles in a bowl.
	Well, I have seven push-ups remaining, my friend.
	One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
	One thousand and one push-ups.
	Noodles are better in a bowl.
	How does that make you feel?
	Like a saber strength to the heart!
	I feel terrible.
	You should!
	One thousand and one push-ups!
	I could just do two push-ups.
	No, you can't, because I got you.
	I got you now.
	You did your push-ups a long while ago.
	Your time to shine is over.
	The floor is mine.
	You have officially handed over the push-up floor.
	And I hand it back.
	One thousand and one push-ups.
	Noodles are better in bowls.
	I think I was going to have to eat that up with a bowl.
	I'm not going to lie, I do feel very sad.
	Yeah, I'm sure.
	I'm sure you feel morally, intellectually defeated. What you've done is devastating.
	Yeah, I know.
	I'm going to lean this out.
	I finished my 1001 push-ups.
	If you're at home and you've not done 1001 pushups, then you're a bitch ass.
	Thank you.
	No escape.
	While in jail.
	There's no reason why not to do a thousand push-ups.
	And of the however many of you watching this, thousands of you are in jail.
	So do your goddamn push-ups.
	Most people's lives are in jail.
	Damn right.
	Especially all the people who hate us.
	They're not in jail.
	Or the liberal men who say we deserve to go to jail because we're a webcam company who also jerk off to webcams.
	Oh yeah, them.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Claps.
	The porn-addicted freaks who completely fuel the industry with their money, who say that women are autonomous and can do anything they like without judgment when we hired webcam models, which has nothing to do with our current case that these guys obsess over and jerk off over.
	I think we should go to jail, yeah.
	Even though that has nothing to do with our case, yeah.
	Yeah, 100%.
	Those people.
	They are in jail.
	What did I even say?
	No, bless my yawn.
	You cannot defeat the slave programming of your week.
	whistle whistle Thousand push-ups!
	Woo!
	Productive day in jail!
	I fucking love jail!
	Hand me this fucking coffee, you loser!
	I'll feed you coffee.
	No, no, I'm gonna stop.
	Here you go.
	I'm about to do it.
	Man up!
	Because you did it, but I don't want to do it.
	You want therapy?
	No, I don't want therapy.
	I don't want coffee either.
	Therapy and a cup of tea.
	Therapy and all the chocolate.
	What are you, Marcel?
	Loser?
	Now we're talking.
	Woo!
	Laser eye focus.
	Back into the real world, Andrew.
	We're back.
	Coming out of jail the first time was insane.
	Crowds of people screaming, Top G, Top G, Top G. I knew that was just the beginning of our redemption, Arkendru.
	I knew.
	Because I don't say anything, I'm not a doctor.
	I knew there'd be smart people out there who wanted to know what goes on.
	People smart and diligent enough, like Hendrix Owens, who actually digs up what's going on and shows the whole world.
	Merge ma casa, Mustafa!
	I'm going to a new jail, man!
	Mbarre rau, merge ma casa!
	Write to me!
	Funny thing is, this Mustafa doesn't speak Romanian.
	Take the Matrix forever!
	I'm telling him we're going home.
	Fuck the Matrix!
	I'm sorry.
	Fuck the Matrix, bro.
	Goodbye forever, guys!
	Write to me!
	No!
	I love you, Andrew Tate!
	We'll definitely write to you, bro.
	Yeah.
	Nice knowing you.
	Good jail friends.
	I'm going to write to our jail friends, actually.
	Not him.
	But you know what?
	Being in jail for 24 hours has made me realize, those dudes we were with, they're still there.
	still there. I'm gonna write them a letter.
	Yeah, I know some guys need to write letters too.
	Remember, I said at the beginning of this stream, no matter where you are, if you're in a city, unless you live out in the countryside, if you're in a city, you're just a couple miles away, maybe just a couple blocks away, from a room full of men who you will never meet.
	I pray you better not meet them, because there's only one place to meet them.
	And it ain't the fucking local cafe.
	It's jail.
	It's jail.
	Jail men.
	and some of them are innocent.
	There are jail men all over this world.
	Men packed together living in squalor.
	And most of them deserve it, which is the good news.
	The good news is most of them deserve it.
	mean and you do not tolerate criminality or criminal behavior that's 45 minutes in jail and what we're discussing Discussed a lot of very important things.
	Do you know why we had to go to jail?
	Do you know why we had to go to jail?
	Why it was important on our life mission that we... No.
	Do you know why the Matrix had to send us to jail from their perspective?
	Why?
	Because Tom Holland got bummed in a movie.
	Ah, yeah, I forgot.
	But I also think... I say God is the best of planners.
	You say Allah is the best of planners.
	I feel jail was good for me.
	Everything bad that's happened to us was good for us.
	Everything bad that's ever happened to us helps you grow.
	Everything bad that's ever happened to me was good for me.
	I'm a more complete and more well-rounded man since being falsely imprisoned in jail for a crime that doesn't exist.
	Correct.
	Not a crime I didn't do.
	Not a crime that I'm innocent of.
	A crime that doesn't exist.
	No one was trafficked.
	They didn't get the wrong guy.
	It's a completely made-up crime that never took place.
	So yeah, but going to jail has only made me stronger and more powerful and a more feared opponent in every realm of human endeavor.
	Correct.
	Bad things are supposed to happen to us.
	Poor man.
	In December they picked me up and they said, night in jail.
	I was like, okay, we'll see.
	See what happens.
	They said a month in jail.
	I said, fuck, I can't do a month in jail.
	Shit, I didn't think I'd mentally break, I was just like, my life, I don't know how to hold things together, a month in jail for such a long time.
	I don't fear your stupid pathetic weapon.
	You wanna fucking make up fake crimes, called bank robbery next, put me in jail.
	Fuckers.
	They can't stop me from smoking cigarettes.
	Sure you can.
	Can't take my cigarettes away.
	I always report cigarettes.
	Always.
	We doing jail again next month?
	We'll see.
	I spent my last little bit in jail.
	Bye.
	Having a nice, relaxing nap.
	Goodnight.
	Goodnight, world.
	Hope you enjoyed this 24 hour Tate special jail adventure.
	Couldn't do that in the real jail.
	Yeah.
	The beds were thinner or something, or too close to the wall.
	Still hurts my fingers.
	Couldn't get enough purchase.
	They don't want you to have anything to hang yourself on so it's hard to get grip on anything.
	The hit of coffee really relaxed me.
	I don't feel physically sick with a spinning head.
	I feel nice and mellow and chilled.
	Is that a thing?
	What?
	Loads of raw coffee granules, yeah.
	We've almost used that whole jar of coffee.
	So?
	Yeah, almost.
	What are we, pussies?
	Half a jar in a day.
	What is this, amateur?
	Amateur hour?
	Those are rookie numbers.
	numbers. Go pump those numbers up. No?
	Admit I don't have a face.
	This is your ancestors.
	Light yourself on fire.
	I'm thinking about lighting myself on fire.
	That's a really good idea.
	You think?
	Yeah.
	Who do you think wants me to do it?
	our ancestors.
	I think I should do it.
	Thank you.
	Thank you.
	It's a good way to end the stream.
	It would be interesting.
	What are the downsides?
	Burning and dying, only two.
	But the upsides are, it looks cool.
	Loads of views, go viral.
	Goes viral.
	Because we need to go viral because, you know, we need to do stupid shit for views because we have nothing interesting to say.
	Nice and warm, comfy and warm.
	Nice and comfy and warm.
	Never be cold again for the rest of your life.
	I'll be warm to the end of my life if I set myself on fire, that's true.
	I'll never be cold again for the rest of my life.
	That's got to be an upside.
	That is an upside.
	You'll never be cold again because you hate the cold.
	I do hate the cold, yeah.
	Interesting.
	If there were another way to make sure that you were never cold for the rest of your life, you'd do it.
	But I think this may be the only way.
	It would guarantee that I'm never cold again for the rest of my life.
	Ever.
	Ever.
	All I have to do is set myself on fire.
	Everything will be fine.
	Until I'm dead.
	Yes.
	Interesting.
	I'm strongly considering it.
	Well, there are plenty of idiots who set themselves on fire for YouTube views.
	Have you seen it?
	No.
	Retards!
	They put like alcohol on their head or on their ass and you try and light it on fire and then they fucking run around like jackasses getting third-degree burns.
	Really?
	Yeah, it's a real phenomenon.
	The world's fucked, bro.
	Yeah, the world is fucked, isn't it, my friend?
	It's normal, people.
	Gotta keep fighting the good fight.
	Against the degeneracies of the world.
	Keep people in the straight and narrow.
	I'll have to go to jail once a month for the rest of my life.
	I'll do it.
	Nice 24 hour jail stream.
	I think it might be a thousand squats next time I'm in jail though.
	Yeah.
	Nice one thousand squats.
	Yeah.
	Did a thousand push-ups each, didn't we?
	True.
	Well, I actually did 1001 because noodles need to be eaten from bowls.
	And to prove that I was morally superior to you, I suffered more.
	We're going to do a poll.
	We're going to ask the world if noodles belong in bowls or cups.
	Okay.
	Find Andrew on Twitter.
	I'll retweet it.
	When you get devastated, the loser has to set himself on fire.
	Deal?
	Deal.
	I'm in.
	Sign me up.
	That's what I'm talking about.
	What am I going to do when I'm out of jail this time?
	Here's what I'm going to do.
	I'm going to get the boys because I missed them.
	I'm going to sit around the table and have a nice cold glass of wine.
	You can have a cigar and an espresso because you need some more coffee.
	I'm going to sit and smoke cigars and talk about why life is great and share knowledge and information Because that's the best thing to do in life.
	That's what I plan to do, my friend.
	Could even watch a movie.
	Thank you.
	Bye.
	Nah, movies are a waste of time.
	Oh, there is a movie that we have to see together, though.
	Sounds really good.
	Ant-Man and the Wasp.
	You in?
	That does not sound good.
	Doesn't it?
	It's Ant-Man, Andrew.
	I think we need to watch Ant-Man and the Wasp, personally.
	What do you think?
	Ant-Man and the Wasp?
	And I'm going to go ahead and close this.
	Avatar 2?
	Pretend to be someone else?
	Pretend to be a big blue chick.
	Final thoughts on Neil deGrasse Tyson's selling out to anti-science.
	Thanks.
	Bye.
	Thank you.
	Bro, if your brand is science, you can't... What the fuck is wrong with these people?
	That's what I said.
	His brand is science, dude.
	That's what I said.
	Only one man.
	Only Richard Dawkins is holding the line.
	It's not like his brand is something else and he's just commenting on unrelated issues.
	Yeah, his brand is science and truth.
	He was on the board that demoted Pluto as a planet.
	Why?
	Because Pluto's technically not a planet, so we have to... Is he an atheist, Neil deGrasse?
	I have no idea what his beliefs are.
	I have no idea what his beliefs are.
	I will say at least Richard Dawkins stuck to his guns when asked about male and female and gender.
	He's like, no, no, there's only two.
	Of course there's only two.
	I'm a biologist.
	Fair play.
	Nice grumpy old English man.
	Yeah.
	Also, butthurt.
	All of them are Trump butthurts.
	Why are they so butthurt about Trump?
	Sam Harris is the biggest fucking idiot.
	What's he famous for again?
	I don't even know.
	Isn't he supposed to be an intellectual?
	Because everything he says sounds stupid.
	What if COVID was 100% fatal and vaccines were 100% safe?
	Mate, if ifs and buts were candies and nuts... Dummy.
	Shut the fuck up.
	Yeah, you retarded.
	What kind of stupid argument is this?
	Because you're a clown.
	What if McDonald's was 100% healthy and laying on the couch helped you build muscle?
	Then you two wouldn't be so against eating McDonald's every day and laying on the couch, would you?
	Well, no.
	But we're talking about a hypothetical reality that doesn't exist.
	And just because you were super pro laying on the couch and eating McDonald's for fucking a year because you were terrified and masking up does not mean you could give me impossible hypotheticals and pretend that that's the real universe, Sam Harris, you fucking DNG.
	He's a DNG.
	He's a DNG!
	Anyone who thinks he's smart is a DNG too.
	He's not smart, isn't he?
	There's a problem with weaklings.
	They don't really understand the world, no matter how much they read, because they're weaklings.
	Yeah, they're weaklings.
	They don't understand the world.
	I didn't really know who he was until Trump was running and he became a super anti-Trump guy.
	That's when he first came to my attention.
	Nerd.
	He's a nerd, isn't he?
	He's a nerd.
	And you can be a nerd without being smart.
	Yeah, you can be a nerd without being smart.
	It's easy.
	I'm just a nerd.
	The world's full of them.
	Midwit nerds.
	Yeah, midwit nerds.
	Middle brains.
	Let me tell you something, you can be educated without being smart.
	100%.
	Intelligence and education are two very different things.
	100%.
	I'll sit down with anybody and bury them in intellectual arguments that I'm technically uneducated.
	I've got a master's degree in... In what?
	Being propaganda?
	Yeah, and you might not be.
	There's a 1% chance that you're a top 1% intellect person, but the fact that you've got your degree doesn't increase that.
	You're probably a dummy, because everyone's dumb.
	The smartest people didn't need a degree.
	Yeah, exactly. You're a bunch of dummies with degrees. You can buy an education, you can't buy intellect.
	Those are the type of people we won't never listen to, by the way.
	If someone says they're smarter than you and then starts citing their education, they're actually just proving that they're probably not smarter than you.
	If they say they're more educated than you and say they have a different cool, fine.
	If they say they're smarter than you and cite their education as proof, you should dismiss these types of people.
	A street pimp from the United States named Pimpin' Ken, who used to be famous.
	He was in a bunch of music videos and stuff back when 50 Cent was big.
	He once said, if you knew better, you'd do better.
	And to me, that's one of the most truthful things in the world.
	There'll be people out there being like, oh, I love to debate the tapes because I know about this and that, and they're not actually that smart and blah, blah, blah.
	And these people, like, try to be rich.
	They're driving like a nice Mercedes and shit.
	If you knew better than me, you'd do better than me.
	How are you sitting there with no viewers, no subscribers, no one wants to listen to you, so you haven't got the respect I have, you've got nowhere near the money I have, you can't do the stuff I have, you're nowhere near as successful as me in any realm of life.
	Talking about smarter than.
	You clearly don't know better.
	If you knew better, you'd do better.
	Pimpin' Ken.
	Remember that quote.
	Because anytime there's anyone, because hate always comes from below, doing far worse than you in life, talking shit about how they know better than you, and how you're not smart, and how their worldview is better.
	Cool, then why is your life so shit?
	Because I'm telling you, my life's fucking perfect.
	Dorks.
	Nerds.
	Geeks.
	DNGs.
	DNGs.
	It's a very good quote.
	Very underrated.
	And I don't even know An intellectual equivalent of that.
	I only know if you knew better, you'd do better.
	No one's ever said anything like it in a better way.
	Does that make sense?
	I know of.
	Bro, do you remember in jail when we found out we were going home?
	Yeah, I remember.
	Fucking hell.
	When we found out we were going home from jail.
	It was crazy.
	We were dancing around the room.
	It's crazy these days.
	We were doing the new Rolls Royce dance, which I can't really remember.
	What's this?
	It was like... What's the new Rolls Royce dance?
	Ah, I shan't to remind myself.
	It's been a while since I've done Rolls.
	So let's buy one next week.
	Let's buy a new Rolls Royce and we can remember that.
	And then the dance just comes to you?
	I think it does.
	You know it's... You say, Luke, have you ever bought a new Rolls Royce?
	And he says no.
	And you say, loser!
	Yeah.
	And you call him a loser.
	Hang on.
	He's a fucking loser.
	Do you have a cousin?
	I don't have a cousin.
	You don't have a cousin?
	I don't have any cousins.
	You don't have a cousin?
	You know, the crazy thing is, me and you don't run away from problems, ever.
	It was said in court.
	If you release these guys from prison, they're gonna run away from the country via helicopter, because they're rich, and they're gonna interfere with the case.
	But I wouldn't.
	I did nothing.
	Broke zero rules.
	Stayed in my house.
	The judges who let me go, I respect them enough not to break any of their rules.
	And then the next week, they're saying, you can't release them from house arrest, because they'll escape and not interfere with the case.
	I'm like, you said that last week!
	About jail!
	And now we're free to go around the city, and we heard the arguments that we'd somehow escape the country, what, run away from what?
	My daughter and my, all the money they took from me and my house and my home.
	We're running away from shit.
	What?
	Some false allegation, bullshit, TikTok nonsense.
	Fuck yourself.
	So when they do let me go and let me travel, I'm coming straight back whenever they ask to see me, because I want to clear my fucking name.
	See, a lot of people don't understand, a lot of nerds don't understand how important your name is to you.
	Most of my fans know Tristan Tate and Andrew Tate as upstanding characters and law-abiding citizens in this world, but there are haters in this world convinced I'm a criminal.
	No, I don't want you putting fucking smoke on my name.
	I don't want you telling, even thinking that I'm a bad person.
	So you can think I'm a bad person as much as you like after I clear my name, fuckers.
	But you can't do this.
	I bet I could.
	But... No.
	But you can't do it.
	I mean, I have no legs.
	Give me a cigarette.
	No, I have no head.
	Give me the cigarettes.
	No, I have no head.
	You have no head.
	Give me the cigarettes.
	Say that again?
	You have no head.
	No face.
	And there's a lighter there as well, by the way.
	Ah, you have a lighter as well.
	I mean, I have no arms.
	You have no arms.
	Isn't that it?
	Isn't that it?
	I could have thrown you an empty packet there and bought you, but I didn't get to because of the time.
	Under the chair there are cigarettes you must have dropped.
	Under the chair.
	Under the chair.
	Where are those cigarettes?
	I think they're over there.
	Tristan wants to have a smoke.
	So he said, I have no legs.
	Where are the cigarettes?
	They are under the chair.
	Under the chair.
	Under the chair.
	Oops.
	Under the chair.
	Tristan needs to smoke.
	Where are the cigarettes over there?
	Tristan said, I have no legs.
	Outside of jail, they work all day.
	Inside this cell, I smoke a pipe.
	They can all break me.
	I'm just a tape me on the door, girl.
	I'm...
	Whistling I'm gonna go left in jail.
	I'm gonna go left in jail.
	Good break for the court's decision, mate.
	Good break for the court's decision.
	Mr. Producer!
	No, Mr. Producer.
	I am.
	You're not today.
	You have Mr. Produced none of this episode.
	Wrong.
	You've been Mr. Jail.
	Wrong.
	I did all that you noticed.
	We have no access to electronics.
	Even when we went to the police station, we didn't touch electronics.
	What time is it?
	Why can't you answer me?
	Everyone's fooling over.
	You are so funny.
	23 minutes left in jail.
	What do we discuss for the next 23 minutes?
	What is there to discuss?
	I'm bored of talking to you guys.
	God knows how I did for 93 days.
	Was it 92 or 93?
	Were we released on the 93rd?
	Were there 92 full days?
	Or we got picked up close to midnight?
	It's hard to tell.
	I actually need to work it out.
	Under the chair!
	We could sit around and smoke a cigarette with you all day.
	You know what I'm gonna do as soon as I'm free?
	Sit around and smoke a cigarette with you and my friends.
	As soon as we're free, let's get out of here and then let's go sit in the war room and smoke and sit and talk shit.
	Yeah, let's go sit down and smoke and talk.
	Yeah, we haven't done that enough.
	We haven't done that enough.
	That's all we do.
	Best thing about life.
	Especially when you have very few worries to worry about apart from Matrix trying to, you know, put you in jail and completely ruin your entire life and reputation.
	These things are... These... They're dummies, bro.
	Check out these dummies.
	They're in jail. I'll put myself in jail for fun on the internet.
	And I'll put on my patented Storm Jim Talisman t-shirt.
	Before I get released.
	Because that t-shirt says it.
	I feel like a thousand push-ups.
	A thousand and one.
	How upset are you with my Count of Monte Cristo style revenge plot?
	How about I upset you?
	Nah, leave it.
	Leave it.
	What did we do when we were leaving jail?
	We used all the bleach.
	We danced around like this.
	We did this for hours.
	It was like three hours before we got released.
	I was screaming I don't want to leave.
	I ain't going nowhere.
	I live here.
	Why they trying to take me out?
	Why they trying to take me out of my house?
	Rent's free.
	We're going home.
	Then we used all the bleach.
	Then we used all the mouthwash.
	Yeah, we used the bleach to clean the shower.
	We used the mouthwash again and again and again.
	We used the black bin bags.
	Oh yeah, the black bin bags!
	Only had two of them left!
	We both smoked, put little bits of rubbish in each.
	We stopped rationing everything.
	We smoked endless cigarettes.
	Endless cigarettes.
	We used everything up.
	We ate Oreos, like four packets.
	Yeah, I felt so sick.
	I'm fucking facing the camera.
	My laser focus from the coffee was all that.
	All that fortified me.
	What else did we do?
	High five.
	We made loads of jokes about how we didn't appreciate our last few days in jail.
	We kept saying we didn't appreciate jail while we had it.
	We sent ourselves back.
	Back in the jail.
	We are back in jail.
	We are back in jail.
	Yeah, so we used all the bleach, which we were rationing.
	We used the mouthwash, which we were rationing.
	Everything we were rationing, all the Oreos, everything that was rationed, we used.
	Because we were worried about the bleach for the cockroaches that were running out.
	But we used it all.
	I sat in the chair one last time.
	Sat in the chair, yeah.
	Nice.
	One last ride on old Cherry.
	I wonder how that chair's doing.
	I wonder how she's holding up.
	Room 5.
	We've been granted our freedom.
	It's just the beginning.
	When we're released from this, we'll be freer than we've ever been.
	You think?
	Because our minds will be freer.
	Part of my mind, part of my soul, still lives inside that jail, appreciating the life I'm living on the outside.
	You know like how Neo's mind gets stuck in the Matrix?
	Part of my soul is in that room, Andrew.
	Whether you believe in that or not, something, some essence of me is in that.
	The inferior, weaker man that I was when I went into jail, part of that essence is in that jail cell.
	Forever.
	And he's looking out the window at the life I'm living, thinking, wow, what a good fucking life.
	Maybe we're still in jail, this was all a dream.
	We're gonna wake up tomorrow in the jail.
	Well, the real jail.
	Everything that happens since we got out.
	All of the podcasts and global fame and all that stuff.
	It's all just made up.
	We've done the most watched interviews of all time in the world history of any human ever.
	We're gonna wake up tomorrow in jail.
	That's it.
	And no one's gonna care.
	We're gonna tell them the news.
	to do something bigger than us. Yeah. Let's do the crown quote then.
	Every day in jail we'd open the Qur'an at a random page and find a quote which was applicable to our situation.
	Yep.
	I think go more towards the back this time.
	I'm just going to choose a random page.
	I think we've never got the time.
	Scan it.
	Find the Qur'an quote of the day.
	The Qur'an quote of the day.
	You've got prayers to do when we get out of here.
	I hear still a few hours of the day left.
	Those who rejected the truth will be led to hell in their throngs.
	When they arrive, its gates will open, and its keepers will say to them, were you not sent your own messengers to recite the revelations of the Lord to you and warn you that you will meet this day?
	Beautiful quote.
	That's a good Quran quote of the day.
	In jail there was a daily Qur'an Qur'an.
	We opened up the Qur'an.
	Every single day we opened the Qur'an and we found a page and there was always something applicable.
	Those who reject the truth will be punished.
	Let's do it again.
	A new page.
	I will tell you that this day will come for those who have rejected the truth.
	This day will come.
	The Qur'an is correct.
	the day when you face judgment for all that you have done.
	There's no edge on every single page.
	I know there is.
	I know there is bro.
	I've read more Quran than most non-Muslims in the world.
	Knowledge is power.
	So, so,
	so, Thank you.
	One of the admins can tell us how much we made for Tate Pledge during this 24 hours.
	Yes, that would be very good to know.
	I'd like to acknowledge all the superchats.
	It's all going to a good cause.
	Me and Andrew, you know, we donate above and beyond all sorts of charities, all sorts of causes.
	I mean, I'm the kind of guy that comes across GoFundMe pages for sick people, dying people, good charities, good causes.
	I recently gave to a charity called The Gift of Chess.
	which their ethos is spreading knowledge of chess around the world because in countries that lack educational infrastructure, in countries that lack schools, chess is a very good way of getting and understanding and knowing the powers of deductive reasoning, the powers of logic.
	Chess is very, very good in substitute of a perfect educational system.
	So all across Africa and the Middle East, they're spreading the gift of chess.
	I gave them $6,000 because I randomly came across their page.
	Me and Andrew are very generous people.
	We'd like to help out.
	Anyone and anywhere we can.
	And yeah, this is all going to go very well.
	Can the admins tell us how much we've made?
	This is all going to go to Take Pledge, which is our personal charity.
	We have people on the ground that specialize.
	I mean, we've fixed various roofs and bought washing machines for various families and a few other things, but we specialize in feeding people, especially children.
	No child in the world should be without food.
	Yeah, food's too cheap.
	Not a single child on earth should be without food.
	I'd like to know how much was donated from our loyal viewers.
	And that's the thing, you know, there are guys who'll go on stream and, oh shit, that's poisonous for your mind.
	Poisonous for your mind.
	All for selfish gain.
	They'll play video games, and make you watch them play video games.
	And it's for selfish gain.
	They make their money and they make their Super Chats, and what do they do with it?
	They buy drugs.
	Maybe upgrade their car.
	Upgrade their life.
	This has not been pleasant, by the way.
	Obviously, I would much rather have spent this day with one of my kids.
	That would have been better.
	But...
	We do it in the hopes that you all see what has been done to us, what has been taken from us, what we were put through.
	This is a very accurate and true-to-the-experience representation of what jail was like.
	Jail was actually harder than this, obviously.
	But, yeah, it's been a very unpleasant 24 hours, and I hope that you've all enjoyed watching it.
	So we appreciate all the donations, all that money.
	We've gained nothing from this, personally, but to let our fans know, obviously, what we were put through.
	All the money made is going to go to a very good cause, so lots of people in the world who are deserving of help, food, and support are going to get it because of what was achieved here.
	So, I'll pat myself on the back a little bit.
	I do not mind putting myself through difficulties if it helps others.
	Clearly.
	Otherwise, I was going to shut my mouth three years ago and just... No one would know who we are, but we'd be living fucking without risks of jail, for sure.
	So life's good.
	another day in jail.
	We've only read a few lines of each but I hope you If you have some spare time, although reading will not make you financially successful and reading will not really do much in the way that's going to better your life financially, which I've always agreed with my brother upon, stay away from success porn books, books about mindset to make you rich.
	The only people those books make rich are the people who write them.
	Ignore all those, but there's nothing wrong with indulging in entertainment.
	And books are a higher form of entertainment than Netflix or video games are most of the entertainment that you guys partake in.
	So if you wish to read The Count of Monte Cristo or From Russia with Love, good.
	If you're an atheist and you wish to pick up the Bible and the Koran, even better, either.
	Although I'm not a Muslim myself, if you're an atheist, you pick up the Koran and read it cover to cover, I believe that you will change your mind and I believe that it will be a massively beneficial experience for your life.
	Knowledge is power.
	That's why I'm reading a book about the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him.
	I like to know about my brother's faith.
	I have lots and lots of good Muslim friends now in the Middle East.
	And just out of respect for them, I like to know everything.
	I want to know everything.
	And knowledge can be found in books much more than it can be found on fucking Netflix.
	10 minutes left, G.
	10 minutes?
	Nap?
	Coffee?
	Sleep?
	We'll walk in a circle.
	We'll walk in a circle?
	I'm going to get up and smoke a cigarette.
	We haven't smoked much today, have we?
	No, we haven't smoked enough today.
	I've only smoked about 30.
	It's 30.
	That's not anywhere near enough.
	Why do I feel nervous like when we really go out of jail?
	Because this has brought back the Yeah, well it's actually a lot less comfortable.
	hours in here, no phone, no device, you don't know what's going on in the outside world, you're stuck in a room with a bunk bed and a cigarette and a coffee, just waiting for your next meal to come through the door. It was a horrible experience and this has brought all of it back. PTSD is a very real thing.
	Yeah, well it's actually a lot less comfortable, I find it to be a lot more uncomfortable.
	The team did exceptionally well. The team did exceptionally well.
	We explained what jail was like, and we gave them instructions to emulate it.
	And even though we thought this room was too big, I'll tell you something.
	This side of the room is all cameras and wires and stuff, and we can't go over there, so it has limited the space in here massively.
	So that's very authentic.
	Only one cockroach that I found earlier.
	That's a coincidence, I guess.
	But it was some sort of beetle, not a cockroach.
	This building doesn't have cockroaches.
	I didn't want to release cockroaches into my own building and then have them in the crevices laying eggs and have to call an exterminator, so... No, I, uh... We didn't see our ninja roots coming.
	Yeah, I didn't do the cockroaches, but I did kill a fly and I did kill a beetle.
	Yeah, we were slapping the walls all day.
	All day.
	Especially at night, that's when they'd crawl out from the frames of the bunk beds, from the holes in the wall, the cracks in the paint.
	Cockroaches are fucking voracious.
	You can fucking find them everywhere.
	It's insane.
	A cockroach the size of half of my thumb would fit into the tiniest little fucking hole in the wall.
	Somehow.
	Clever little bastards.
	So obviously we pour bleach everywhere and try to kill them all.
	But... Sucks for them.
	I did not have to share a cell with the cockroaches.
	The roaches had to share a cell with me.
	God help them.
	That's the way I see it.
	Yeah, vastly unpleasant experience and this has brought it all back.
	This has been a very unpleasant 24 hours.
	Beds aren't comfortable.
	Way too hot in here.
	here. I've been sweating all day. All in all a productive stream. Lots of money made for hungry people.
	And my fans now understand what I went through.
	which is important.
	Last cigarette.
	Last cigarette.
	Last fucking coffee, mate.
	Fuckin' hell, mate.
	The plastic... I'm not gonna admit this.
	Cybernetic organisms cannot eat as much coffee as biological humans, because it's plastic stomach.
	This is a little... Oh!
	I don't want therapy.
	I do not want therapy.
	There's no point in complaining.
	Woo!
	Woo!
	Now I'm ready to face the world with laser focus.
	Now it's time for one last cigarette.
	After this, we can go sit down and talk to each other and smoke.
	Buzz ourselves up on coffee.
	We all have energy for a day.
	The fucked up thing is we do this when we knew we weren't getting out.
	We do this when we had three weeks left, at least.
	And we just buzz up on coffee for no reason.
	And we call each other pussies for not doing it.
	I defeated you in the push-up challenge and came to the conclusion, oh I feel sick, that poles are better for noodles, and I did that via push-ups.
	Remember everyone at home, might is right!
	If you- We're gonna have a poll, mate.
	A poll?
	Might is right.
	I sung better songs about noodles than cup.
	The songs didn't matter, Andrew.
	They did.
	The songs didn't matter.
	I'm gonna write a newsletter about this tomorrow.
	So anyone that's not in the newsletter, go to CobraTake.com and sign up.
	Write a newsletter about what I've learned from my revisit to jail.
	Yep.
	If I find it on Twitter, I'll be tweeting my thoughts.
	The newsletter's free.
	free from covertake.com.
	Raised over 10K.
	Or take pledge.
	Over $10,000?
	Yeah.
	So let's say average price of $2 a meal is $5,000.
	$5,000 meals, Gene.
	Worth it.
	I'd go to jail any day for 24 hours to feed 5,000 kids.
	I'm good as shit.
	100%.
	Absolutely worth it.
	Thank everybody who donated.
	Yeah, everyone.
	Thank you for your support.
	5,000 children, and you're gonna see all of it on Twitter account.
	I post every time that everybody's eating.
	You'll see it all.
	Take pledge.
	Follow us on Twitter.
	Enjoy my last cigarette.
	I'm going to do a bit of a mixed bag.
	I'm going to do a bit of a bed sit.
	Nice.
	Lean.
	Nice.
	To chair.
	Wow.
	To stroll.
	Fucking hell, you did the whole jail tour.
	I didn't do a lay down.
	No, you missed that again.
	Okay, so bed sit.
	Okay, let's see if I can do this right.
	To lean.
	Just roll.
	Okay.
	To chair.
	To stroll.
	To lay down.
	Good to all the different fucking... All the phases of jail comfort!
	Good to them all!
	I think you should do it, Andrew.
	I don't have a man enough.
	That's a lot of jail comfort at once.
	It is.
	I mean, it's like tasting all the foods at a buffet at the same time.
	That's a lot of jail comfort.
	Do you know what song was playing for us outside when we were released from jail?
	Everyone came and sat outside the jail in their cars and started playing a song.
	I remember hearing it, knowing that they were waiting for us.
	Yeah, I feel like whoever's running this shit show of a horrible jail experience needs to start playing the theme tune.
	It's time to once again leave these walls and get back to our normal life.
	But you don't understand.
	I am free, always.
	In my mind, I am free.
	I can walk out of here, I can walk out of jail.
	I've seen this for 92 days.
	Having more fun than the long you have.
	This poster represented this trip to jail, baby.
	One, one, one.
	One.
	That was one push-ups.
	Matrix has attacked us, Tristan.
	In the end, I think it'll be us.
	They can't break our spirits.
	That's the only victory.
	That's the only victory.
	With a strong spirit and God's help, side by side, no matter what bullshit they come up with, we're gonna fuckin' win.
	We're gonna fuckin' win.
	Yeah, I'm fuckin' right.
	right? All I do is wait.
	It doesn't matter what bullshit they come out with, what they say to me or what they say to you, no matter what, You and I are still in the same fucking team.
	Doesn't matter what garbage they try, doesn't matter what they lie, they tell, what they come up with, you and I are gonna remain on the same fucking team.
	And as long as we're on the same team, the millions of young men who listen to us, you are not gonna convince these people that I'm something I'm not.
	Because they have the power of reason, and the power of logic, and the power of being smart to listen to their own convictions.
	A lot is on our side.
	The truth is on our side.
	And in the end, the truth will set us free.
	And this bullshit will damage the credibility of the Matrix even further, so they will struggle to damage the lives of men who don't deserve it.
	Exactly.
	So we are suffering with reason.
	Their weapon is blunted on our armor.
	They think they're hitting us, they think they're striking us, but they come to swing this sword at someone else.
	When someone else worthy of respect comes out and says the things he wants to say,

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