| Time | Text |
|---|---|
|
Part Win, King Nothing
00:04:47
|
|
| I wanna say mama, mama, I got a chunky, I want it, too. Yes, sir, I'm... | |
| Good shot, man, good take! | |
| Good shot, man, good take! | |
| They can't gonna take that. | |
| Tristan, what are you doing? | |
| You're not gonna die, Luke. | |
| Stop complaining. Why is it always booze? | |
| You can't just drive Ferraris and booze. | |
| It's gin and tonic. Yeah, booze. | |
| Do you want your driver to be refreshed and happy? | |
| Yes or no? Sort of. | |
| You know what you can do, Luke? | |
| The only way to alleviate your tensions and your fucking crybabyness about me drinking and driving is to have a little drink yourself. | |
| Take the edge off. Got one for you. | |
| I remember you did. | |
| How do you find it? Crack that open. | |
| I said I wanted water. | |
| So? This is better. | |
| It's more expensive. | |
| If water is £1 and gin and tonic is £5, which one's better? | |
| Drink up. | |
| Call the top, bitch, get in my car. | |
| Got my seat in the front, got no seat in the front. | |
| Got a couple of dope, bitch, get in my car. | |
| Don't tell me you don't know that I'm sick. | |
| Marcel, you can't just keep ordering fucking gin and tonics and stiff drinks. | |
| Why? Why? | |
| Why? He just keeps doing it. | |
| Yeah, of course. Why? | |
| Today in the car, I mastered tornado style. | |
| You weren't there. I wasn't there. | |
| I'm a master of tornado style. | |
| You understand? So I do my Aikido so quickly that it creates a vortex. | |
| Like a tornado. It goes high into the sky. | |
| We need to agree, eggs ain't real so I can go. | |
| I'm tired of this. Sign? | |
| Where? Here? Eggs aren't real. | |
| Okay. Looks like it came to an agreement, my friend. | |
| Thank you very much. Tornado style? | |
| Tornado style. My tornado style was so fierce, I got the police to sign a contract admitting that eggs are not real. | |
| It was that fierce. | |
| I actually got the police to sign a contract admitting that eggs are not real. | |
| Si. Marcel, you were there. | |
| Si. I said, eggs are not real, senor. | |
| Sign here. Let me sign it. | |
| He signed it. So it's... | |
| Ni no hablo tornado styler. | |
| Ni no hablo tornado styler. | |
| Ni no hablo tornado styler. I let him know that I was going to get him. | |
| He signed away. | |
| So now it's official. It's official. | |
| Powers to be of admitted, eggs are not real. | |
| Eggs are not real. Eggs are not real. | |
| Rumpol you need to boom with the eggs are not real like with celebration. | |
| Yeah, end of episode. | |
| I'm going to do the King of Nothing part. | |
| He's going to win. | |
| Yeah, he's going to win. | |
|
Stiff Drinks and Superheroes
00:14:33
|
|
| Marcel, Tristan's a machine. | |
| What? He's a machine, Marcel. | |
| Marcel, he's a pure machine. | |
| You know what though? | |
| This bottle's actually two. | |
| Who's got the one glass? Where's Ken? | |
| Ken had a glass. You had a glass? | |
| No, no. You have a glass? | |
| No, the bottle. | |
| Give me the glass, I'll impress you. | |
| Ross, give me that glass, I'll impress you. | |
| Give me that glass, I'm gonna impress you. | |
| He will impress you. | |
| Give me the glass, I'm gonna impress you. | |
| You ready? It's the one glass that we all have, yeah? | |
| So I'm gonna pour myself a mixed drink, yeah? | |
| Woah, no no no no. | |
| No, Tristan's a superhero. | |
| You guys have no clue. Tristan's literally a superhero. | |
| He's a superhero. | |
| He's a superhero. He's a superhero. | |
| One stone. | |
| One stone. | |
| You won't have to carry him, Marcel. | |
| He's a superhero. How does he wave? | |
| What are we doing? | |
| Bye! | |
| Rolls Royce. Aikido? | |
| Rolls Royce. No, but you can't just take private jets to go wherever and buy new cars all the time. | |
| We already bought the car, Luke. | |
| You have to go get it. You can't. | |
| Just buy cars and not collect them. | |
| That's worse than buying them and going to collect them. | |
| Yes, we've got to go get it. Drive all 20 minutes, board. | |
| Wait, we just did a whole Europe trip. | |
| That's what we just finished. | |
| Welcome to the real world. We're going to make school. | |
| What else can we do with the roles? | |
| I'll drive it home. Don't they truck it? | |
| Why don't I buy a car to truck it? | |
| There's no ceremony. | |
| Buying a car to put it on a truck for the truck to drive the car doesn't make any sense. | |
| So we're going to do all this dumb shit we just did basically again. | |
| I hope you're ready for some boozing. | |
| I'm not sure I can go again. | |
| Boozing? Marcel, are you coming? | |
| I can't come, guys. | |
| Why? I actually can't keep out with you guys. | |
| I don't know how you guys do it. Tornado style. | |
| Tornado style. You know what's funny about private jets? | |
| They literally never ask you to wear a mask ever. | |
| In Spain's mask ass. Yeah, that's true. | |
| Yeah, they don't play that. | |
| Yeah. It's almost as if they know something. | |
| I know rich people don't play fucking stupid games Yeah, no, let's remember this Tank Confidential might not know this man. | |
| This man is a champion! | |
| And here we are. | |
| Hey Marcel, you ever heard this? | |
| Oh, oh, the sweet sound of... | |
| Why am I being peer pressure? | |
| Because we don't like you. | |
| Because we don't like you. | |
| We don't like you. You started all this shit first day. | |
| No, you started me. | |
| And I said, listen, this is my life. | |
| You bought this book. You do think this ends. | |
| No, no, they don't realize. | |
| Every day, it never ends. | |
| It never ends. You do need this different. | |
| You need a stiff drink. I remember you always saying you need a stiff drink. | |
| Yeah, he did say that lots of times. | |
| Loads of times. Loads of times. | |
| What do you mean disgusting? It's a nice stiff drink. | |
| It is a stiff drink. With a slug of gin in the morning for breakfast. | |
| Can't go wrong. We haven't even had breakfast. | |
| That is breakfast. | |
| Yeah, I haven't had breakfast. I just had breakfast. | |
| No, no, no. I've had breakfast because mine's gone. | |
| Hey, tell me. Do something terrible. | |
| I'm gonna let them know. I'm not as fast as these two, but I can still do it. | |
| All three sides. | |
| Yeah! No, we haven't filmed. | |
| They all know. | |
| Try the hot chocolate. | |
| Maybe it'll help. Oh, Marcel, you feel it, don't you? | |
| I do. I know. I've been there. | |
| This is me. Welcome to the beach club, but he was hammered. | |
| He was the coolest guy in the world. | |
| Coming up to me going... | |
| What are you doing? | |
| Go away! I thought this day was the day where we get to relax. | |
| Oh! Marcel! | |
| Marcel! This is our life. | |
| This is our life. No, it wasn't an episode. | |
| It wasn't like a quick, ah! | |
| This is un-normal. | |
| Yeah, I feel like wasn't fairly brief. | |
| No! | |
| Sorry. | |
| You've known me for 15 years. | |
| Now imagine back in the day when we used to hang out. | |
| We'd say, okay, if 15 years you're gonna be hanging out with Tristan and he's worth $20 million you don't think that this one... | |
| I know, I know. | |
| You should know. Drink your booze. | |
| He said, there are four more coming. | |
| They did order four more. | |
| I smell it. | |
| you Alright, so I understand your guys' side now when you bully me. | |
| Yeah, this is fun. Yeah, this is fun. | |
| Yeah, this is quite fun. This is great. | |
| This is quite fun. I will never ever stop. | |
| I know. This is quite fun. | |
| For the rest of your life. Super fun. You know the worst thing? | |
| Me and you have got the hardest to leave. | |
| I know. Get to sit here and chill. | |
| Listen to this. You're only as good as your last drink. | |
| Marcelo, you are only enthusiastic. | |
| Did you ever think that, you know, 15 minutes... | |
| Hello. | |
| Hi, how are you? | |
| Wonderful, how are you? | |
| Thank you. | |
| My colleague told me that you wanted some more... | |
| Four more gin and tonic, yes. | |
| Four more gin and tonic. | |
| And one cappuccino. | |
| And one cappuccino. | |
| Thank you. | |
| Every saying you've made as a child has come back to fuck me over. | |
| You need a stiff drink. I feel like you need a stiff drink. | |
| You kept saying it. You do need a stiff drink. | |
| I'm worried. You're looking better now. | |
| Looking much healthier. | |
| Nice. No, hot chocolate. | |
| Coffee does help. | |
| Coffee. | |
| He drinks hot chocolate. | |
| Yo, you were chillin'. | |
| Chase, how the fuck have you done this? | |
| We've done alright. We've done okay. | |
| No, you've done- It's alright, isn't it? | |
| It's crazy. It's crazy that my friend- I need a stiff drink. | |
| I need a stiff drink. What do you mean you need a stiff drink? | |
| We just had three stiff drinks. | |
| Oh, three drinks? | |
| Yeah, I'm out. It's 10 a.m. | |
| It's 10 a.m. We had four stiff drinks. | |
| Fuck. I eat a stiff drink. | |
| I remember the first time I drank. | |
| Like your cousin. Your cousin? | |
| Not my cousin. Marcel, what's your cousin doing? | |
| You've got my cousin. Marcel, we're in this together. | |
| To be fair, you are both cousins today. | |
| Right now, how you're going on about the stiff drinks, and you are cousins. | |
| I'm not sure how you guys do it. | |
| I don't know either, Marcel. | |
| Yeah. Nah, this shit's real. | |
| 100%. I don't lie. No, Marcel, the funny thing is they all want to come. | |
| Everyone thinks it's easy. | |
| They think it's easy. This is the worst thing. | |
| I'm going to sleep and then I'm going to chat shit tomorrow. | |
| Bro, that was messing it up. | |
| Bro, non-stop. | |
| And then I'm going to message you guys and chat shit tomorrow. | |
| Yeah, that's true. Now you need us to three. | |
| But bro, bro, when you do that shit and I send a plane ticket to you, then what are you going to do? | |
| Then what are you going to do? I have no choice. | |
| Oh, Marcel. I got to board the plane. | |
| Marcel, the plane ticket is going to come. | |
| The plane ticket is going to come. | |
| I'll send the jet. Yeah. | |
| Oh, oh, he wants the booze. | |
| So now Marcel's pouring drinks. | |
| You think you can take me on Marcel? | |
| You think you can take me off? The glass has changed now. | |
| Marcel, no, Marcel. | |
| Marcel, but the altitude's changed. | |
| You don't know about drinking in altitude? | |
| I do. Marcella, how many times have you been at this altitude? | |
| At least... | |
| Zero times. Listen, when I do tornado style, the first thing I do is I go up to the altitude. | |
| To check. To check. | |
| It's the space. When I go back down, and then boom, boom. | |
| Boom, boom. I send them up. | |
| What you have to understand is that this plane is actually powered. | |
| You didn't see me do it earlier. | |
| You can thank me later. By the whirlwind of my aikido, create a vortex. | |
| Every time. That sucks the plane into the sky. | |
| And, on top of that, eggs ain't real. | |
| Marcel! But he don't need his glass, apparently. | |
| He don't need his glass. | |
| Sorry, I'm not an amateur. | |
| Take over that, Joe. I do wish you could see my face. | |
| It's pure pain from watching it. | |
| I didn't even drink it yet. | |
| No mixer, thank you very much. | |
| I don't do cocktails. | |
| I don't do cocktails. | |
| Ha ha ha ha! | |
| Yeah, but if people make some... | |
| I'm going to take my mixer as well. | |
| I'm responsible for the plane's life. | |
| Hortems. Here we go. | |
| Hortems. Have they got hot chocolate? | |
| Hot chocolate? No. | |
| Hot chocolate? Yeah, yeah. | |
| No, no, no, no, no. Marcel, on this plane, there's already hot chocolate. | |
| Where's your head? That was good. | |
| You understand me? That was good. | |
| You understand me? That was good. Already here. | |
| Listen, I walk in the club. | |
| I go up to a bitch. | |
| I'm like... | |
| What's up? | |
| What's up? | |
| Little pony, little pony I'm a little pony When I lay up on my back I go choo choo choo choo choo choo choo Yes sir, I'm human feet I'm a tiger, I'm a hamster I'm a tiger, I'm a hamster I go choo choo choo choo choo choo choo Where's he gone? | |
| You haven't seen that one yet. | |
| Can you do that move? | |
| Can you do that move? Why do black people have rhythm? | |
| It's hot chocolate. | |
| What's up? Why are you pouring coffee? | |
| I'm Brad Justice. | |
| I'm waking up. | |
| I'm Brad Justice for my next stiff drink. | |
| That's a stiff drink. Marcel. | |
| Kirsten said he can beat me. | |
| Marcel. He's gonna beat me. | |
| No, no, he said that. | |
| Marcel, the altitude. | |
| The altitude changes the game. | |
| You're gonna lose. No, to the negative. | |
| It makes each drink worse. | |
| Better. I don't need salt and pepper on anything. | |
| What does that mean? Nothing you do makes sense. | |
| No, he's not. | |
| He's back to the bar. | |
| Fuck! Shit! That means he's drunk. | |
| That means he's drunk. That means he's drunk. | |
| He's drunk. He's drunk. | |
| He's drunk. It's been non-stop drinking. | |
| You don't even want to drink. | |
| You don't want to drink. | |
| Where's Marcel? Listen. | |
| Marcel! Welcome to the real world, Luke. | |
| The big school. | |
| Screw Barsell. | |
| So I'm going for lunch, and Andrew wanted to stay for lunch. | |
| What did he just order us? We're just three gins on us. | |
| What costs more, this suit, this tracksuit, or Luke's existence? | |
| That is a very easy question to answer. | |
| I'm not sure Luke's life is worth that tracksuit to me. | |
|
Find the Space-Time Handle
00:02:11
|
|
| What I need to do is I need to get my bare hands and tear the fabric of space-time. | |
| Okay. And then we can go through it. | |
| And that will allow us to be in more places at once. | |
| So we can simul-booze. | |
| Luke, can you agree that the odds of him thinking he's pulled that off increase with every gin and tonic we drink? | |
| I do. I agree. So we could be boozing in two places at once, which will combine into the ether of the atmosphere, and the cells in our bodies will double-detect the booze to make us stronger than we've ever been. | |
| So I just need to find a handle in space-time. | |
| There's air around it. | |
| I can't really grab it. We need to go out into London. | |
| Start drinking until I find it. | |
| All the power ripped through. | |
| Go find a handle in space-time. | |
| That's what we need to do. | |
| So that's the mission today. | |
| I'm in. That's the mission. | |
| Our life is just a massive whirlwind of dumb shit. | |
| We came here for coffee. Tristan bought a Rolls Royce. | |
| And now we're back here for coffee after driving around Spain in supercars to collect the same Rolls Royce. | |
| Why? It doesn't make sense, does it? | |
| Tristan, explain this to me. | |
| We like coffee? I think there's a problem. | |
| Due to the fact that I think what's happened is we've become super, super rich and we feel like the only thing that's left that stimulates us is spending huge sums of money. | |
| We need to go to a psychiatrist and we need to work out why we cannot be happy just, you know, working a normal nine-to-five. | |
| Okay, so I'll put you to the psychiatrist, but when you go to the psychiatrist, just hand me the bank cards in the meantime. | |
| I'll hold the fort. Yep. | |
| Who's the most expensive psychiatrist in the world? | |
| I think we should get them. I can get the most expensive. | |
| I think we should. Tell him to fuck himself. | |
| Yeah. Book him for 12 hours a day, every single day. | |
| I never try not. Call him a loser. | |
| He is a loser. Frederick, he's a loser. | |
| Good point. All right. This is good. | |
| I think we're making progress. | |
| All right. Next day, COVID-19 is going to have therapy. | |
| Nice. What are you guys doing? | |
| Oh, this. You never seen this before. | |