| Time | Text |
|---|---|
|
Good Shot, Man United!
00:02:20
|
|
| Good one, Man United! | |
| Good shot, Man United! | |
| Good shot, Man United! | |
| Stay confident, Jake Brown. | |
| Stay confident, Jake Brown. | |
| Good shot, Man United! | |
| I don't give a blueberry bacon, fuck! | |
| I don't give a blueberry bacon, fuck! | |
|
Running Low, Running High
00:06:22
|
|
| Andrew, what are you doing man? | |
| I'll go again. I'll go again. | |
| I'll do it again. | |
| I'll do it again, you don't owe me. | |
| I know, we're good, we're good. | |
| I'll do it again. I'll do it again right now. | |
| You have 20 more. | |
| I don't give a blueberry baker's fuck. | |
| I'm gonna get you! | |
| We were running low. | |
| We're not running low at all. | |
| We were running low. We only had 40 balls left. | |
| At the top of it. | |
| We were not running low. We're okay. | |
| We're running low. | |
| We have 40 buckles. | |
| Only... only 40. | |
| Bro, you don't even drink champagne. You don't drink it. | |
| you Vodka I don't know. I don't know. I don't know He doesn't even know the prices I know. What the fuck? | |
| Oh, I know. More? | |
| More? More? | |
| More booze! Happy birthday! | |
| I'm saving my face! | |
| I don't believe in myself that I'm holding on. | |
| You're a force to be reckoned with. | |
| And you're a force to be reckoned with. | |
| You're a force to be reckoned with. | |
| I don't believe in myself that I'm holding on. | |
| We're like fire, they're like fire. | |
| We're the ones who light up the lights. | |
| I'm a force to be reckoned with. | |
| Hello? | |
| Hello? | |
| I'm just gonna do it, I can't do it. | |
| I'm not the captain. What do you mean? | |
| I'm not the captain. What does it say on my hat? | |
| I don't know. Tristan, why is the ship wet? Why? | |
| You're the captain. Because it's raining. | |
| How do we solve this problem? | |
| I'm not afraid of the rain. I'll sail through anything. | |
| I'm Captain Vladimir Scorpius. | |
| I fear no weather. | |
| Tristan, we need to solve this problem. | |
| It's a big problem. Why? | |
| Because the ship's wet. So? | |
| I don't think you're supposed to be wet. | |
| You're going to be wet in a second when I throw you in the fucking ocean. | |
| Man overboard. Oh yeah, we'll be turning around to the rest of you. | |
| I saw my first light tower. | |
| Lighthouse! Lighthouse! | |
| It's one of those light bulb buildings! | |
| Show me your flashlight! | |
| Have you ever seen a lighter? | |
| There it is! | |
| My first light tower! | |
| Stop saying that! | |
| You take him everywhere. | |
| You take me everywhere, motherfucker. | |
| Hey, hey, hey, y'all see ya, sir. | |
| Take that out. | |
| Shake Sullivan in the house. | |
| Yes, sir. | |
| So she followed him. | |
| PACIOUS EXTAS YOU HAVE NOT GET THE RIGHT DIGITAL INVENTORY Make sure you have updated the slot and K��노리 Frame clarity shape S zweiten Z third six P V K made with OnOne Multitouch Self-load | |
| You have not get the right digital inventory. | |
| Make sure you have updated the slot. | |
| And K모리 Frame S second six P V K made with OnOne Self-load You have not get the right digital inventory. | |
| Make sure you have updated the slot. | |
| And K모리 Frame Self-load I'm gonna run with this thing on my back. | |
|
Girls Asking for Their Phone
00:06:49
|
|
| Yeah, it's an interesting situation, right? | |
| I'm gonna get a little bit of a kick out of it. | |
| It's 7 a.m. | |
| There's no emergency. | |
| There was an emergency. What's the emergency this time, huh? | |
| What? A bunch of pretty Ukrainian girls tried to rob us. | |
| Tried and failed. | |
| Ah, so this is an actual emergency. | |
| The girls you had on the couch here tried to rob us. | |
| Yeah, the three girls I had last night tried to rob us, basically. | |
| The thing is about this, look. | |
| Pirates. No offense, Justin. | |
| Justin was reveling in their company. | |
| I know Eastern European girls. | |
| You are having the time of your life. | |
| It does look good. | |
| Yeah. Now, I know, I know Ukraine. | |
| So Tig was here, who speaks Russian, naturally. | |
| So they all went to the bathroom. | |
| I was like, you know what, Tig? I don't trust these hoes. | |
| Can you just please go and listen to these girls for me? | |
| So he goes over to the bathroom, blah, blah, blah. | |
| He comes back and goes, you know what? | |
| These girls talk about, oh, these guys have money. | |
| These guys, they look rich. | |
| We need to get some money from these guys, blah, blah, blah. | |
| So I thought, okay, straight up gold diggers. | |
| So we immediately get super suspicious. | |
| Then Detective Sterling. | |
| On the case. Because one of them was super tired. | |
| And I said, yo, go lay her down in my room. | |
| Sure, like dickhead. | |
| What are you talking about? | |
| What are you talking about? | |
| So, Sterling goes upstairs when they're trying to put a girl to bed in my room. | |
| And he sees them all one floor up coming down from his room. | |
| Goes all the way up and finds one of them. | |
| There's nothing up there but a billion table. | |
| A billion table, yeah. My stuff. | |
| And he finds one of them with her phone flashlight on going through his bed. | |
| They're like, hmm, a little bit suspicious. | |
| So he comes downstairs and the best part of the story is this. | |
| In most groups of dudes, if a guy comes downstairs, hey, Justin, your girl's going to do my bag. | |
| This bitch is a thief. | |
| Some guys would be like, I don't know, once you go through your bag, bro, leave your girl alone, blah, blah, blah. | |
| I know Sterling was telling the truth. | |
| I instantly know that this girl was literally going through his bag. | |
| So they come down and I said, okay, good girls, you better get the fuck out. | |
| I will look through your bag first. | |
| And after I look through your bag, you can get the fuck out. | |
| So I look at one of their bags. | |
| Who is it? Tig's just like, are you sure you want to search for a bear? | |
| I'm like, look, she's wearing almost nothing. | |
| I'm going to fucking put my hand up her pussy. | |
| Like, I can see there's nothing in her bag. | |
| So the girls all leave, but they leave their fucking cell phone on the table and a set of keys. | |
| So I quickly switch the phone to fucking airplane mode and hide it underneath the back in the bathroom back here. | |
| Doorbell rings five minutes later. | |
| I said, Tig, that's going to be the girls asking for their fucking phone. | |
| They answer the door. | |
| They come here. Blah, blah, blah, telephone. | |
| Tig's like, yep, that's what they wanted. | |
| So Tig literally told him, who's G, by the way, he's not here. | |
| He literally told him, you girls are thieves and you're searching through our house. | |
| You're not allowed to come in here and look through our house anymore. | |
| There's no more searching through our house because you girls are thieves. | |
| The security guard for the house is standing there with him, by the way. | |
| He says, some fat dude. | |
| I'm telling you they're not allowed in. | |
| And they're like, oh no, we need our phone. | |
| So I said, you know, Tig, call the fucking police. | |
| Because I know the Eastern European police. | |
| So when the police get called, the one who was caught looking through Sterling's bag vanishes. | |
| She fucking goes. | |
| She knows. She knows the drill and leaves the house. | |
| The other two... | |
| The one whose phone is missing and the one who may have been innocent in all crimes is standing here hoping through this phone. | |
| And the Eastern European police come. | |
| One of them is fucking smoking hot. | |
| So Stormy goes outside and tries to flirt with her. | |
| It doesn't speak a word in English. Nice. | |
| Great attempt. Good attempt. | |
| You gotta try. And they just, without anything being said, these European police literally shackle these bitches' hands behind their back and take them off the property. | |
| In England or America, they would have handcuffed us and let the girls search through the house because they're missing property. | |
| That's true. So anyway, the girls leave. | |
| We smash their phone to pieces. | |
| What iPhone is this? Really? What kind of iPhone is this? | |
| It's a broken iPhone. I think so. | |
| I think you're right. I can see it. Oh, sorry. | |
| No, wait, wait, wait. Let me take it. One more time, one more time. | |
| Ah, fuck. It's burning my hand. | |
| Can I... Can I... Yeah. | |
| It's broken. It's broken. | |
| It looks broken to me. Three dollars, huh? | |
| You had won the fucking Super Bowl. | |
| You scored a touchdown. | |
| No, no. The exact line was, he was like, oh, so what kind of... | |
| I said, look, I'll show you what kind of film we got. | |
| A broken one. | |
| And I smashed it across the floor. | |
| Then I got to pick it up and burn my head. | |
| It's so fucked up. I don't know what happened. | |
| So the phone gets smashed to pieces. | |
| The girls get kicked the fuck out. | |
| And the mule jumps in the swimming pool with our clothes on. | |
| Everybody goes. Yeah. | |
| Win-win. So that's what happened. | |
| I'm a widower. Let's go home to Romania. | |
| No, where everyone's scared of us. | |
| No. But then you wouldn't have adventures like this, Andrew. | |
| I'm going to go upstairs and look at my thing. | |
| My stuff's missing. I'm going to be pissed. | |
| Those three little retards. | |
| I need to talk. Not once! | |
| And then I walked into Andrew's room about two times. | |
| I'm laying in my room. Mosquitoes are biting my wrists and ankles. | |
| I don't know why. Because it's got a big veranda. | |
| I left it open the first night. Mosquitoes are eating me. | |
| What the fuck are you doing in my room? | |
| I was like, Andrew, just let me lay down, please. | |
| I'm going to sleep in Andrew's room. | |
| Yeah. And now, we're in an emergency room. | |
| Alright, this was an actual emergency. | |
| I think this is the first emergency in probably the last, what, 100 emergency meetings? | |
| They're all emergencies. No, they're not. | |
| Well, look, in my defense, I am new to the emergency meetings. | |
|
Emergency Meetings Misunderstood
00:01:17
|
|
| So I didn't know that I was calling it wrong. | |
| No, it's these! | |
| This is a good emergency meeting. | |
| This wasn't a real emergency, wasn't it? | |
| Yeah. Wait, so Justin, what happened with your shoes? | |
| You jumped in the pool and you said, put your shoes on. | |
| They're soaking wet. They're the only ones I can go shoot in. | |
| Yeah. A little bit wet. Wait, aren't they supposed to be dry though? | |
| Yeah. You know what? | |
| You know what though? If you were there, you'd have seen that I did not even think about jumping in the pool behind my friend. | |
| You don't hang your friends out to dry, even if it fucks you. | |
| Bless another day. Have fun? | |
| Yeah, fuck off. I was getting those shoes so wet, mate. | |
| Mr. Wet Shoe. Kind of. | |
| AK or AR? It has to be AR, I think, but neither. | |
| Neither is the correct answer. | |
| AR. This is from the AK, I'm from the AR. It's all good. | |