| Time | Text |
|---|---|
|
Belarusian Booze Flow
00:04:14
|
|
| That isn't burgers. So you're scared of Burger King? | |
| I'm scared of fucking Burger King. | |
| Wait, wait. Do you want Burger King? | |
| Yes or no? Three fucking days I've been in Minsk. | |
| I've had Burger King, Taco Bell, McDonald's. | |
| Stop! Belarus. | |
| I like Belarus. | |
| I can tell already this is my kind of country. | |
| And every single hotel you go to, the mini bar has a variation of snacks, drinks, some Pringles, some orange juice. | |
| Let me show you what you get in a junior suite at the Hotel Europe in Minsk, Belarus. | |
| You get, okay, one mixer, a small bottle of apple juice, you get a whole bottle of Jamison whiskey, A whole bottle of Jack Daniels whiskey. | |
| A whole bottle of cognac. | |
| A single measure of tequila. | |
| Wine. And two waters. | |
| Wait. That doesn't add up. | |
| It's supposed to be one to one. | |
| It doesn't add up to you. | |
| See, I feel at home here. | |
| I feel like the Belarusians understand my needs. | |
| No way. My boozing needs. | |
| Tristan. Yeah, one apple juice for the morning for breakfast. | |
| It doesn't make sense. Wine for lunch. | |
| Two rolls of whiskey for dinner. | |
| Cognac and tequila for dessert. No, have you done the math? | |
| It doesn't add up. | |
| There's more whiskey than there is apple juice. | |
| Andrew, talk to your cousin. What's his problem with this minibar setup? | |
| I like it. There's certainly enough booze. | |
| But you have to order more apple juice to order. | |
| These are made of apples. This doesn't make sense. | |
| It's wonderful. Even with the waters, the waters don't equal the total volume of... | |
| The sun is shining. Have a look outside, see the sunshine. | |
| Tell me you don't feel like naked half a bottle of whiskey. | |
| I know. I don't. | |
| I don't care how much sunshine there is. | |
| Sunshine. And you don't want any whiskey at all. | |
| No. Not a little bit. | |
| No. Zero. Zero. I'd love water. | |
| And soup. Some nice soup. | |
| What was your cousin's name? | |
| Well, some of your cousins. | |
| Some of your cousins? | |
| My cousin is your cousin. | |
| What about that kid you hang out with? | |
| He's your cousin. | |
| Nothing to do with me. | |
| Andrew, I thought you ordered espressos. | |
| I distinctly heard you ordering espressos. | |
| Justin, what did you do? | |
| You spoke to the guy. | |
| Espresso martini. No, no, no. | |
| It was espressos. | |
| Why? Upgrade. | |
| It's a downgrade. | |
| For you. Tristan, you're right. I am right. | |
| As we get later in the night, we always forget. | |
| Because the booze continues to flow. | |
| People think, ah, that was the end. | |
| No, they don't realize, actually. | |
| More booze flows longer than we filmed. | |
| We started drinking at 9am. | |
| It is now 2am. | |
| Yes. Cheers, Andrew. | |
| Cheers, sir. But no one even wants the booze anymore. | |
| Hey, losers. Now it's just booze to booze. | |
| What is this? Andrew, cheers. The tea was good. | |
| The tea? Yes, the tea. | |
| Yeah, tea stands for take me to the booze. | |
| Here you go. Take me to the booze. | |
| Yeah. Tea stands for the booze. | |
| Tea stands for the booze. | |
| Is this good? It's not even good. | |
| That's good. See that? | |
|
Three Days of Booze
00:03:13
|
|
| Alright, we can zoom with one hand if I can. | |
| Hey, you're back already? | |
| That's good. | |
| Me too. | |
| All the clues to traditional Belarusian food. | |
| Nice. We're eating Belarus. Can't we just have some nice Belarusian food? | |
| Yeah, exactly. Follow the clues, guys. | |
| I think if we work together, we can find them. | |
| Starting to get... | |
| We are getting close, aren't we? | |
| We're getting lost now. | |
| Don't know where to go. I'm still lost in the Bible, Tristan. | |
| Yeah, Tristan, do you remember? | |
| It was days. It leads downstairs to the place that we came into. | |
| You've been saying this for three days. | |
| Wait, it hasn't been three days. | |
| It has. No one watching this is going to believe that we've been in here. | |
| You've been saying this for three days. | |
| And how have we been in this mall? Three days. | |
| Three days you've been trapped. | |
| Whoa, whoa, whoa, don't go cart. | |
| Go cart. I think we're going the right way. | |
| Oh genius. I don't want a Burger King. | |
| I want something trusted. Yeah, Burger King. | |
| We'll find it. We're getting closer. | |
| I can sense it. It is cold. | |
| So we're racing on a car. | |
| Yeah. We're racing on a car. | |
| Zero degrees. Nice. | |
| Nice. We don't care. | |
| He's electric! | |
| I assume so. | |
| I'm not sure. | |
| Sometimes it hurts when your hand reaches the end and it just stops there. | |
| The門 欲想僅此前方不明,看一眼便會知明。 Then I can see my first exit. | |
| I can see my first exit. | |
| What are you doing? Getting a nice water. | |
| A nice Perrier. They're really good. | |
| Tristan, what are you doing? Nice Jameson. | |
| What do you mean? Perrier. | |
| What do you mean? What do you mean what do I mean? | |
| I mean, what are you doing? | |
| I am Ric Flair. | |
| It's you. It's Jameson. | |
| I don't know who Ric Flair is. | |
|
Rum and Revelations
00:08:32
|
|
| You don't! Andrew, talk to your cousin. | |
| He doesn't know who Ric Flair is. | |
| He doesn't know who the champagne drinking jet client. | |
| Limousine riding. Diamond ring wearer. | |
| Heavyweight champion of the world is. | |
| No. I mean, I didn't. | |
| Woo! I'm having a hard time keeping these alligators down. | |
| And I'm having a hard time holding these alligators down. | |
| Woo! Woo! Why'd I come here? | |
| I just want a perry egg. Jameson! | |
| Drink it! Good start tonight. | |
| Just the one. What is that? | |
| Booze! It's a nice healthy hit of booze. | |
| Warm up to the stomach. Woo! | |
| My stomach didn't eat me warmed up. | |
| It was happy. So I got him, didn't I? Tristan, you got me. | |
| Yeah, but I got him. | |
| But I got him. I didn't want to get him. | |
| I didn't care to get him. | |
| It didn't cross my mind. | |
| They expect one of us in the wreckage, brother. | |
| No! They expect one of us in the wreckage, brother. | |
| Have we started the fire? | |
| Yes, the fire rises You are in the wreckage, but we're getting it Thanks for watching. | |
| Tristan, whose car is this and where are we going? | |
| This is my guy. | |
| Your guy? Yeah, my guy. | |
| Doesn't speak in English, but it's my guy. | |
| Basically, to leave this country, I need some special documents. | |
| And we don't have them. | |
| And we're not eligible to get them. | |
| And we don't speak the language. | |
| But... I have a guy. | |
| In every country you need a guy. | |
| For various things. | |
| I have a guy who fixes my cars. | |
| A guy who organizes my private jets. | |
| And this is my Documents in Belarus guy. | |
| The guy. I've got a guy for everything. | |
| You don't have a guy. Well I just need your guy. | |
| What if I told my guy not to help you and you stuck in me? | |
| Nah. | |
| So Tristan's scared of Burger King. | |
| No, I'm safe. No, no. | |
| Look at this restaurant. Look at it. | |
| It looks nice. Andrew, we heard it, didn't we? | |
| It's Belarusian. We can go in there and eat food that isn't burgers. | |
| So you're scared of Burger King? No, I'm scared of fucking Burger King. | |
| Wait, wait. Do you want Burger King? | |
| Yes or no? Three fucking days I've been in Minsk. | |
| I've had Burger King, Taco Bell, McDonald's. | |
| Stop eating shit. | |
| It's not even on the fucking film. | |
| Can we just go to a restaurant and eat some normal fucking food? | |
| Are you the lion or the scarecrow? | |
| Sounds like the scarecrow to me. | |
| Are you the lion or the scarecrow? | |
| Here's the Tin Man. You're Dorothy. | |
| Can we go and eat in a Belarus restaurant? | |
| If you admit you're Dorothy, we'll go. | |
| I'm not fucking admitting it. | |
| Don't go by my fucking self and eat by myself. | |
| You're Dorothy. I'm sick of you two cunts. | |
| You're a stupid fucking YouTube series. | |
| I don't think we should go to Burger King. | |
| Wants a nice restaurant. | |
| You see this? Hydro's in a nice room. | |
| No, my hotel room was broken into. | |
| I'm in Belarus and my hotel room was broken into. | |
| And I know who broke into it. | |
| You know who broke into my hotel room? | |
| No. Fuckin' Andrew! | |
| I gave Andrew the key, and he broke the door. | |
| Exactly. Ah, nice. | |
| Yeah, I came back for this. Jameson. | |
| Thank you. Thank you. | |
| Thank you. Good. So, Andrew broke my door. | |
| I broke in because what happened was... | |
| The key was working, and you tried to force the door open, and you thought that was a good idea. | |
| You somehow thought the door would just swing open. | |
| No. It did. It did swing open. | |
| It just swing open. It did swing open. | |
| The key didn't work, so I thought, fuck this. | |
| And I one-inch punched it and bust the door. | |
| That's what I'm going to do. Go get a new key. | |
| Well, I just had to pack all my stuff again. | |
| They're moving my bags. Apparently, the room is an upgrade, but these were the best suites available when I first booked this hotel. | |
| Listen, mate. You better hope the key works in the next room, because my one-inch punch is reloaded. | |
| It's reloaded by now! | |
| Let's go, you guys! Let's grab what you fucking bring! | |
| The difference between you and me is this. | |
| You have things in your room. | |
| I've been wearing the same clothes for four days. | |
| I don't have any stuff. | |
| I'm only in the universe. All my things are on the blockchain. | |
| CZ! I hope they downgrade you. | |
| I hope it's a huge downgrade. | |
| I can't believe you didn't expect me to do exactly that. | |
| Key ain't working. Uh, Shane, you're closer to me now. | |
| Closer to my room. I got fucked. | |
| Tristan's not on the same floor as me. | |
| Good. Drinking part in there, too. | |
| Oh, I know. Well, Jameson, they think we wanted the ball with Jameson. | |
| Yeah. She knows me. She fucked me. | |
| She knows me. This woman knows me by now. | |
| Jameson is here, so... | |
| That's why I'm back. | |
| Alright, I see the subgrade. | |
| Come on up, Greg. It's gonna be a shit room, because you're a shit monster. | |
| I hope it's a super downgrade. | |
| They must hate us. | |
| Oh, nice! Thanks, Andrew. | |
| Wait, what the fuck? This is bigger than my fucking room. | |
| Thanks, Andrew. This is bigger, this is... | |
| This must be the presidential suite. | |
| It was unavailable when I booked it, but we've been here two nights already. | |
| It must be open. So now you have a presidential suite. | |
| Yeah. So what do you say to me breaking your door? | |
| Uh, fuck off and get out of my presidential suite, peasant. | |
| You should say thank you. | |
| I know you're free up for it. | |
| Uh, listen, what part of get out of my suite do you not understand? | |
| I'm not interested in talking to you. | |
| This room's like three of my rooms. | |
| Yeah, exactly. Good. | |
| Nice and bad, yeah. | |
| Let's see if the minibar is any more diverse. | |
| He has flowers in his fucking bathroom. | |
| Yeah, what fucking flowers? | |
| Okay, here we go. Ah, let's go diverse. | |
| Two balls. They don't like mixers here, do they? | |
| Two different balls of cognac. | |
| Two different balls of cognac, and then a bottle of normal brandy. | |
| Champagne? Okay, there's one bottle of orange juice. | |
| Okay, one sec. Let's do this live. | |
| Stand back. Stand back. We've already covered how the Belarusians don't like mixers. | |
| So, the standard water they have. | |
| So, let's count their alcohol to mixer levels. | |
| Let me turn on the lighting here. This is their alcohol to mixer levels. | |
| So, they have one orange juice, okay? | |
| Nice. One, two, three. | |
| Three bottles of brandy. | |
| That's hard spirit. | |
| Jack Daniel's Tullamore Dew whiskey. | |
| Wait, what? | |
| Beluga vodka. | |
| Bacardi rum. Jameson. | |
| More brandy. They really like brandy. | |
| Bottle of Moet champagne. | |
| Bottle of white wine. | |
| Bottle of Jameson. | |
| Havana Club rum and tequila. | |
| I have- Andrew, there's one orange juice. | |
| Yeah, that's not the mixer. You have one mixer. | |
| Yeah, that's a lot. | |
| Champagne's a mixer though, if you're elite. | |
| And so is white wine. Yeah, the wine and the champagne and the orange juice are the mixer. | |
| Are mixers. Right. Two bottles of brandy. | |
| Take off an actual episode. We have to drink all this today. | |
| Okay. Alright. Ian Luke, in for a penny and for a pound. | |
| So that's drinking a Belarusian minibar in one day. | |
| Drinking a Belarusian minibar in one day. | |
| Take a confidential episode. If you guys want to see that episode, well, fuck, you're going to, because we're going to start right fucking now. | |
| And baby fucking you, cry his eyes out. | |
| You're an original tequila man, but I am. | |
| Here you go, Luke. You're Havana Club Rum, man. | |
| Wait, no, this is ass. I can tell this is going to be ass. | |
| Why don't you go fuck yourself? Here, Havana Club Rum. | |
| I think this is meant for, like, more people. | |
| Not three. Fuck off. | |
| Maybe it's made for three Belarusians and we're just hanging out with some American dork. | |
| Can't drink. Can't hack the hate. | |