| Time | Text |
|---|---|
|
Woke Morning, Unexpected Shoes
00:02:16
|
|
| Good shot there from Tate! | |
| A lot of people say girls love money and that's not entirely true. | |
| But I'm not a girl. | |
| I'm a girl. | |
| You you So Tristan, you're lying to me. | |
| You see his shoes? Yeah. | |
| You ever heard the lyric in 50 Cent? | |
| Him. Holler at a hoe till I got the bitch confused. | |
| She's gotten paid less. | |
| I've gotten alligator shoes. | |
| I'm wearing gator shoes. What's my job? | |
| P-I-N-P. That was very easy. | |
| That is very nice. | |
| I didn't realize that part. | |
| That was very fast. | |
| Yeah. Good luck. | |
| There you go. So when I woke up this morning, | |
|
Private Jet Dilemma
00:13:22
|
|
| this is not what I was expecting. | |
| Well, what were you expecting? | |
| I rubbed down on a shiatsu. I had to get to London. | |
| Couldn't find any other flights. | |
| Last minute, blah blah. Because I decided to spend all the money. | |
| So... Now we're here. | |
| Third off, it's a private jet. Yeah. | |
| Private plane. I don't want to jet. | |
| It's a plane. Is this real? | |
| We just walked in. | |
| It was very quick. Exactly. | |
| Yeah. It's basically a taxi. | |
| Air taxi, yeah. So, I cashed crypto and decided that it's a private plane to begin our journey. | |
| But we do another problem, which I don't want to quite outline. | |
| But our journey involves long driving, which I know you hate. | |
| But I didn't have time to move cars from Romania to England. | |
| Even though we're flying in England on private jet, so I've had to get new cars. | |
| So out of the million, we've already gone like half left. | |
| I knew it. New cars. | |
| I told you, didn't I? And there's emails on my phone. | |
| I see everything he books and everything he does. | |
| There are no secrets. You get booking confirmations for all of this stuff. | |
| No smoke. No secrets. | |
| No mirrors. It's just Andrew spending money. | |
| Well, I'm having fun on the adventure so far. | |
| So am I. I don't think anyone's unhappy. | |
| I'm only unhappy that Luke is here. | |
| Because when I was 23, I wasn't on no private jet. | |
| I was on EasyJet. | |
| And it's taken me 32 years to fly on these. | |
| And I feel like Luke jumped the... | |
| Difficult phase. Straightener? | |
| Straightener. I'll show you guys something that's never been done before. | |
| I'll do it. Privateer Aikido. | |
| I think I did it slightly before you though, because I'm a pioneer. | |
| So, the problem is when you use a character like Darth Sid, is he's good at the long range, but if I can rush you with any Honda, I've always beat you with a thousand times. | |
| I've seen the best Street Fighter player in the world win with Dalsam and everyone. | |
| So yeah, he's slow. I need to learn his close combat techniques and then I'll beat you. | |
| But when you play, you're a rugby. | |
| That's like saying, oh, the fastest driver in the world drives for whatever. | |
| I'm beat. Yoga fire, bro. | |
| No, it doesn't work though. | |
| You have to stretch your arm, I jump, sweep. | |
| Mayor, huh? I'm gonna know the fire engine. | |
| No, the thousand-man slap is too fast. | |
| It's too fast. I'm gonna beat you a street fighter. | |
| You're broke. I've beaten you the last, what, six, seven times in a row? | |
| In a row. Never lost. | |
| It has anything to do with the character choice. | |
| I never wanted to film a video on a private plane. | |
| You know all those guys on the internet are like, look, I want a Jag. | |
| So all the times I flew on perfect planes, I never did a video explaining how you could make money, da da da. | |
| I just flew on private planes. | |
| Because if you fly on a private plane, then you start doing a sales video, and then you look like one of those dudes, and like the jet's on the ground. | |
| You know, I mean, we're not on the ground. | |
| But then someone's gonna come along and go, but he doesn't own the plane. | |
| No, I don't own the plane. I chartered the plane. | |
| Oh, he's only, you know, he can fly for 40 grand a time. | |
| He's not really rich. So I never really wanted to do a straight video on a plane. | |
| So this video is about how I don't want to do a video on a plane. | |
| Because I don't own the plane. | |
| I own all my supercars. I own my big mouse. | |
| I know how to make enough money to pay 40 grand every time I fly. | |
| 40 G's, yeah, let's go there. | |
| 40 G's, yeah, let's go there. Most people, that's like a life savings. | |
| But I don't own the plane. | |
| And I don't want any one of those internet markers. | |
| So I'm not going to do a video on the plane. | |
| But this is a video on the plane Meat and cheese is always a good combination Thanks for watching! | |
| you I'm on a diet. Don't eat meat and cheese. | |
| Meat and cheese, I don't know. | |
| First thing in the morning? Tristan, why are you up in Japan? | |
| You just said you're on a diet. | |
| Meat and cheese is rubbish in the morning. | |
| So? Champagne, isn't that like apple juice? | |
| Yeah, it's fruit juice. It's like grapes. | |
| You're French. Would you like some? | |
| I will have some. You will have some here. | |
| Fuck you, Lou. No, would you actually like some? | |
| I will. I feel like this is going to be a get. | |
| I knew it. I didn't call it though. | |
| You called us. I didn't call it. | |
| Not really a get. You can call someone. | |
| Yeah. I felt that one in my bones. | |
| There's no one else to give it to you. I was actually going to drink some of it myself. | |
| Just enough left. Just in there you go. | |
| Cheers. Rory. | |
| I don't even like champagne. | |
| It does taste good on a private plane though. | |
| But you're not going to drink champagne on a private plane. | |
| Cheers. Don't worry, there's another boat walking down. | |
| Private planes are the way. | |
| I think they're the way forward. | |
| You know why? Private planes have solved the amazing problem of being active and mad. | |
| We hated flying first class and business class everywhere. | |
| But when you do inter-cultural, inter-European flights, you only have, listen, you only have the low-cost airlines. | |
| There are no first class luxury seats for Bucharest to Berlin. | |
| Here's the way. | |
| Do you know what? I think we're at a higher altitude than a commercial plane. | |
| Nah, I don't think so. You don't think so? | |
| Then why is the flight time cut by an hour? | |
| We're going faster. Planes don't fly as fast as they can, they fly economically. | |
| Yeah. Like a car driving at 56 miles an hour, they didn't have fuel. | |
| You'll get the price down. Yeah. | |
| Time is the enemy of the rich man, and cost is the enemy of the poor man. | |
| So when you're selling to the masses, you don't say, oh, it's 30 minutes quicker. | |
| It's double the price. | |
| They're like, what? 30 minutes? | |
| People wait for buses, bro. | |
| Poor people will wait an hour for a bus. | |
| I used to wait for buses. Poor people have time. | |
| They don't have any fucking money. | |
| And that's why a plane flies at the most economical possible speed for the engines to have. | |
| It's a big engine by paper. | |
| I just need preference, and it's only one I can think of. | |
| And this also happens to be the one I only like. | |
| So I say, give me this green egg. | |
| Gasping breakfast, people are weird about wine. | |
| What's your preference of wine? | |
| To be fair, I now believe you. | |
| Type of dude you'd find on these white streets. | |
| For me, I'll drink horse piss without alcohol, at least. | |
| Bold. | |
| Hot. | |
| I'll drink to that, Tannis. | |
| I'll drink to that. Lewis, would you like some champagne? | |
| No. Are you sure? | |
| I'm done getting got. No more getting got on the plane. | |
| Listen, now you have to drink some chocolate. | |
| No, you don't have to get Luke. | |
| What? Making him drink. | |
| Yeah. He doesn't want to drink. | |
| It's true. I just worked it out. | |
| He's doing a living. Take your glass or your own. | |
| I'm not gonna get you. Like a man. | |
| I saw it. | |
| I saw it. | |
| Immediately I realized. | |
| Two moves ahead, Luke. | |
| Son of a chest bastard. | |
| Can't compete with that. Nice full class. | |
| Almost had it. | |
| What did you mean, thank you. | |
| Luke. So they hand you your flight. | |
| I can pitch it. Boom. | |
| Wait a second. | |
| What? That's why they pull that down. | |
| What happened? What happened? | |
| What happened? What happened? | |
| Would that be the last thing I'd want to remember? | |
| Why not? Being bare knuckle straightened. | |
| Exactly. A lot bumpier. | |
| Much bumpier. | |
| Much bumpier. | |
| We're alive. | |
| Alright. | |
| Woo! | |
| To be honest, I was thinking how bad could it really go actually? | |
| With that bump, let's imagine one of the wings hits. | |
| What, be a skirt? Smaller, I think it's gonna matter. | |
| I'm thinking, I'm thinking cars. | |
| Yeah, it's lighter and smaller. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Morning. | |
| Morning. | |
| How are you? | |
| Back to England. | |
| Hello. | |
| Come on, we're going to need a light star. | |
| Alright, Rory. We'll see ya. | |
| What do you mean? What do you mean? | |
| Why didn't they put me on the flight? | |
| Why haven't they got me? I know you're not allowed to leave. | |
| I'm not allowed to leave. Border Force is not allowed. | |
| I know, I know, but we have things to do. | |
| What do you mean? I mean, ciao. | |
| You can't leave the end. Nah, I'm sure I'll see you again, bro. | |
| Is this the end? It can't be the end. | |
| No way. Can't be the end, bro. | |
| In fact, tell that nice young lady to order me a dominoes if this is going to take one. | |
| Because dominoes in England is good. | |
| I'm not going to do that. It was nice knowing you, Rory. | |
| It was very nice knowing you. I'll see you, Rory. | |
| I mean, you're in your home country. | |
| Come back. I'm an immigrant, I believe. | |
| Border force might get me. Don't. | |
| Come back. I do. I bet you thought private plane could get by it. | |
| Yeah, I know. I thought private plane, no hassle. | |
| Nah. Jesus. Loves the hassle. | |
| Yeah, I can see me being bent over. | |
| I took a piss. I think it was like six minutes, bro. | |
| They're going to probe me. Let's get sick of this. | |
| Sorry, Andrew. I fixed our problem. | |
| What problem? What problem? | |
| What problem? There's zero problems. | |
| Luke asks what problem. So what problem will we just have? | |
| We don't identify the problem. So we just jumped into private jet. | |
| We come here. We landed. | |
| We're waiting for our chauffeur to take us exactly where we need to go. | |
| Our bags are outside, but there's a huge problem. | |
| You haven't identified it. There's no problem. | |
| It's been like one minute. No, no, no. Don't tell him. | |
| It's only been less than a minute. | |
| Why don't you tell him in a minute? Why don't you tell him once the problem is solved? | |
| Because if we were hanging around people like this our whole lives and we didn't have each other, problems would never get solved. | |
| Ever. Well, it's because there's no problem. | |
| I have chips. What? | |
| I'm happy. I'm very happy here. | |
| What? This has been very good service. | |
| I don't know. What do you mean? | |
| Useless. Luke, you're bloody useless, and you haven't got a bloody clue. | |
| Not a bloody clue. | |
| I don't understand what you guys are talking about. | |
| Problem solved. | |
| I can't believe Andrew, this is your cousin. | |
| There wasn't a problem. | |
| There was a huge problem. There we go. | |
| There was 0%. There you are. | |
| Wonderful, thank you very much. No problem. | |
| No thanks to Luke. Oh, no thanks. | |
| What do you mean? There you go. | |
| Thank you. You were happy with your water and your crisps. | |
| Did you like glasses? No, thank you. | |
| We're not that fancy. Perfect. | |
| I was very happy with my water and crisps. | |
| Problem solved, mate. We didn't have any booze. | |
| Problem solved. The fact that he didn't identify a booze-less situation. | |
| I'm starting to have second thoughts about this one. | |