| Time | Text |
|---|---|
|
Smoke Machine Scheme
00:07:24
|
|
| Good shot there from Tate! | |
| A lot of people say girls love money and that's not entirely true. | |
| But I'm not a girl. | |
| I'm a girl. | |
| You Bye! | |
| So a smoke machine got delivered. | |
| I wanted a little smoke machine to run a joke, and I accidentally bought a nightclub level fog machine, which is used for creating fog in clubs and bars. | |
| Now, when this was supposed to show up, I plotted with Luke to get you, Warren. | |
| You were the person I was supposed to get with him while you were asleep after the sprayed fog on you. | |
| Nice. But this thing comes with a remote control. | |
| That you can control wirelessly from the DJ booth. | |
| Ah, so it's not a button on the wire. | |
| No. So I'm going to set this up under Luke's bed and leave it on. | |
| Then, when he's asleep, I'm going to fill his room with smoke when he doesn't expect it. | |
| Nice. Let's do it. Installing it now. | |
| Nice. So moving his bed out of the way. | |
| extension wire underneath this bed. Here we go. There it is. | |
| So I can plug the machine in down here next to his phone charger. | |
| Little shit. Nice. | |
| So he thinks you're going to do this to me. | |
| Yeah. And he's going to get to bed tonight. | |
| Yeah. And then we're going to smoke him out. | |
| Exactly. I can't find the fucking holes. | |
| One moment. Here we go. | |
| Got it? Plugged in. | |
| Cool. This is the wireless receiver. | |
| The hose is incorrect. In fact, let me top this up. | |
| Go to my bathroom, and next to the door in the bathroom, there's a tub of liquid smoke. | |
| I'm breathing here, please. | |
| Hold. | |
| Disco fog liquid. | |
| So the plan goes like this, Rory. | |
| We sneak up to his door with the remote control. | |
| I use an Allen key. | |
| To take off his door handle and push it through so the door handle falls on the floor. | |
| Nice. I then start smoking him out. | |
| So he's trapped in. So he wakes up, reaches it, the door handle's not there, it's on the floor, the room's full of smoke. | |
| Yeah. Obviously we've got to smoke it out first. | |
| I think we need to loosen the door handle and then start smoking it out and then we push. | |
| Cool. We'll have to do this super late so he's definitely asleep because... | |
| Yeah, no, he wakes up to anything. | |
| We'll keep music playing downstairs and stuff so he's not aware of the obvious noise outside his room. | |
| We've got to get as much smoke as possible. | |
| Okay, it's full of liquid smoke. | |
| Now if I just switch it on, it takes a while to heat up. | |
| Now I can tie the entire machine to his bed. | |
| I mean, it's only like 5 p.m. now, so will it last that long? | |
| Will it not? No, it's plugged in. | |
| When it's on, it's lost. Cool. | |
| So the machine is now set. | |
| I just want to smoke him out super good because he thinks this is going to happen to me. | |
| Lift the head on top of the machine. | |
| Yeah, you want to put the machine as far under the bed as you can. | |
| Yeah. So, do you know what I mean? | |
| So when he panics, he can't grab it straight away. | |
| We done? We plugged in? | |
| I think. Are these my sunglasses? | |
| No, they aren't, they aren't. | |
| Luke steals things. So his room is in the exact same place we left it, but with the smoke machine installed, I'm going to eat the bed. | |
| Got a remote control, later tonight we're gonna get in. | |
| So Luke's in bed, I'm interested in having the remote for the fog machine. | |
| Instead of taking his door handle off, it'll make too much noise. | |
| So what we'll do is we hold the door shut. | |
| Stop smoking out my room. | |
| Keep going. Keep going. | |
| Just push and stop. | |
| Keep going. | |
| Are you kidding me? | |
| Yeah. | |
| Yeah, wait. | |
| He just locked me in. | |
| We're gonna take the door handle. | |
| Oh, thank you. | |
| To light on. | |
| Is this getting me? | |
| We got mine. | |
| I knew what you were doing, you bastards. | |
| Look at this shit. | |
| Why couldn't we have gone to see your guys first? | |
| Where the fuck are they? | |
| Where the shit? | |
| Where is the fucking remote? | |
| Luke, where are you? | |
| Oh, fuck! | |
| It was if you were doing alcohol. | |
| Oh man, this is smoky. | |
| What? | |
| It's on your bed bro. | |
| I saw this shit! | |
| And I was wondering why! | |
| You know, I thought a fucking smurf fucked around somehow and put it here. | |
|
Drifting Aikido Mastery
00:05:31
|
|
| Oh, did you see? Don't you know the fuck is it like this? | |
| No, fuck this. | |
| Fuck this piece. Alright, you guys didn't get me. | |
| This does count. | |
| We soon forgot you. | |
| Oh, Luke, we so got you. | |
| You thought we were going to get Rory. | |
| We set out today when you were outside. | |
| We got you. They got me. | |
| What car are you in? What? | |
| What car are you in? | |
| A Ferrari. I know it makes no sense. | |
| I bought you a Ferrari. | |
| We didn't film any of it. Everyone's like, why? | |
| Now Luke has a Ferrari. Yeah. | |
| Luke has a Ferrari. I bought Luke a Ferrari. | |
| Here's the update. So I thought Luke needs to learn to drive, so he'll come here to learn how to drift. | |
| I already know how to drift, of course. | |
| But here's so you can learn how to drift. | |
| I'll try not to crash. | |
| Alright, we live in the monkey realm. | |
| We don't. We do. | |
| We don't. We do, Rory. | |
| We're in the monkey realm. This is definitely monkey realm. | |
| Tristan, we live in the monkey realm. | |
| The world of monkeys. | |
| I agree with you. We do! | |
| And you're in the car Monkey realm let me get this straight This is no longer a drifting school. | |
| It's teaching Luke how to drive a fucking manual school. | |
| Yes. He grew up in fucking America. | |
| Yes. Where no one can drive. | |
| Big straight roads, no manual transmission. | |
| Exactly. Americans cannot drive. | |
| That's not driving. I know it's not. | |
| That's making a car move in a straight line. | |
| Yes. That's very different. | |
| I'm very good at it. So you don't know how to use a manual car? | |
| I do not. I know how to use a manual motorcycle. | |
| I'm not gonna talk to you anymore. | |
| I don't like you. No, but after this I'll know how to drive manual. | |
| I'm gonna go get a fucking cigar. | |
| cigar Are those relaxing I'm not sure I'm not sure Oh | |
| What So Hmm So | |
| So So, I was looking at my phone, and I looked up, and I saw the car doing perfect circles. | |
| I said, don't worry, oh, fucking hell, Luke's got it! | |
| They swapped seats. I didn't see you in any swapped seats. | |
| The Aikido! | |
| Woo! | |
| Shit! Shit! | |
| He was fighting the steering wheel! | |
| Shit! Tristan, Mr. | |
| Driver. Tristan, Mr. | |
| Driver. Can't even park a car. | |
| Tristan, you're American, aren't you? | |
| I can tell. Did you see the drift Aikido? | |
| Yeah, but you can't drive. No, but did you see the Aikido? | |
| No. No, you can't see it. | |
| You can't see it. You can't see it. You can't. | |
| I was six times zooming on you. | |
| All the steering errors I made, so I did one or two, and then it would start messing up. | |
| That's because I was trying to take my hand off the wheel and the Aikido. | |
| Can you park a car, though? Yeah, but I can do drifting Aikido. | |
| But can you park a car? | |
| The answer is no. Can you show us again? | |
| Show us your parking skills. | |
| Yeah, please. Please bark again. | |
| So Tristan, are you the professional drifter? | |
| I am clearly the best drifter. | |
| Let's not eat ragging. I didn't know if I would be, I just am the best. | |
| Alright, so... Am I not the best? | |
| Do you disagree? I don't disagree. | |
| Good. You can't disagree because I'm the best at this. | |
| Okay, so he said your weight will change it slightly. | |
| Yes, I weigh more so you need more gas I'm clearly the best at this, Luke. I'm clearly the best, bruv. Don't even deny it. It's gonna upset Andrew, but I am. | |
|
Cucumbers Kill?
00:01:03
|
|
| Woo! | |
| That was a good one. | |
| Yeah! | |
| That was a good one. | |
| That was a good one. | |
| Yeah, I filmed this. | |
| Go on. | |
| What's the story? Let's go on, Luke. | |
| So, Rory says he's allergic to cucumbers. | |
| He thinks they'll kill him. Cucumbers will kill him. | |
| They won't kill me. If you want to kill Rory, you just wave a cucumber in his face. | |
| And he might die. | |