| Time | Text |
|---|---|
|
Burger King's Whack
00:07:02
|
|
| Good shot there from Tate! | |
| A lot of people say girls love money and that's not entirely true. | |
| But I'm not a girl. | |
| I'm a girl. | |
| Thanks for watching! | |
| you See that big sign, Luke? | |
| I do. In the food court? | |
| What's it advertising? Burger. | |
| Why? Burger King's whack, and they need to get as much advertisement as possible to get business. | |
| Burger King is awesome. What are you going to eat? | |
| Romanian food? | |
| I'm going to eat some Romanian meat. You're boring. | |
| No. I'm in Romania. | |
| What do Romanians do? You know what? | |
| I'm eating nothing but Burger King this entire trip. | |
| Oh my god. No way. | |
| That's a bad idea. Is Burger King shot? | |
| It is, because it's shit. | |
| Luke, your negativity has fucked me over. | |
| You being negative has made Burger King not function. | |
| They went out of business. No way. | |
| They're gone. They're done. | |
| This is fake news. | |
| This is your fault. It's not my fault. | |
| Yes, it is. I know this really good place. | |
| You did this on purpose. You're full of shit. | |
| Yeah, the business lounge. | |
| I could drink wine. You obviously don't know the business lounge exists. | |
| This is one, look at this. | |
| You're a geek. | |
| So to confirm, when me and Andrew sit down and have our competition of who had the most fun journey, the only thing he's going to have over us is Paris. | |
| He's going to show us all the stuff he did in Paris with Rory. | |
| That's why secretly, instead of flying straight to Zurich, we're flying to Paris first for five hours to have more fun than Andrew in that time. | |
| So when he says Paris, I'll show him that we had more fun in Paris than in Zurich. | |
| And he won't even know we've been there. | |
| Fuck it. Yep. What is this shit? | |
| This is better than Burger King. | |
| Where is my Burger King? Burger King's whack. | |
| It's closed. You're a liar. It's closed. | |
| This place is open for a reason. | |
| It's your fault. No. | |
| This is Romanian food in Romania. | |
| It's better than Burger King. | |
| Burger King is whack. | |
| What about the restaurant? Luke had purchased these small bottles of sparkling water. | |
| And we were getting up on our way to the business lounge and he was taking them with them. | |
| And I said, why are you taking them with us? | |
| Why? He goes, oh, well, I paid for them. | |
| He's never been to a business lounge before. | |
| So to teach him a lesson, I'm taking this for free out of the refrigerator in the business lounge. | |
| And I'm making him drink whiskey and coke. | |
| Welcome to the real world, loser. | |
| Shit. This is true. | |
| True story. That's what you get. | |
| I don't know why I did this. Because you're a pathetic, no-good, worthless punk who has no clue about business lounges. | |
| So this is it. This is Paris. | |
| Je suis, je suis, Paris. | |
| Fucking dicks. I've been here, I've been to France like eight times to fight. | |
| I beat them every time. They're always so proud. | |
| Like, ah, vive la France. | |
| I will beat your man up and fuck your ring girls. | |
| I'll jizz in them. I might have a French baby. | |
| Andrew, you can't do that. If I have a French baby, I guarantee he still doesn't speak French. | |
| If he's my genetics, he'll refuse to speak this stupid language. | |
| Who's this dude? Why is no one in France look French? | |
| He's clearly from fucking... | |
| This can get the channel banned. | |
| I'm allowed to get political. He's not French. | |
| No one here is French. Point to a French person. | |
| Even Mr. Moped. | |
| I need to get my fucking car. | |
| Dick. | |
| No one's from France, bro. Nobody. | |
| Is he from France? Is this man from France? | |
| This guy? No. | |
| He looks French, though. He isn't. | |
| Who's this crackhead? You see him covered up in his coat. | |
| There's crackheads everywhere, bro. | |
| Bro, I've seen more crackheads in Paris in the last five minutes than I've seen in Luton in a month. | |
| Bro, look at this crackhead. Look at him. Cracked out Speedwalk. | |
| Crazy. He's hiding his face. | |
| He just hid his face. You see him hide his face because you knew he was cracked out. | |
| You knew it was cracked out. Bro, let me tell you something. | |
| Cracked out people have the cracked out speed walk. | |
| And they speed walk when they're cracking. | |
| They get cracked out and they start speed walking. | |
| And he was speed walking and he was cracked out. | |
| I can see it. Crack head, crack head, crack head, crack head. | |
| Everyone's a fucking crack head here. | |
| Look at all these brothers on the corner. | |
| Are they French to you? They look French to you. | |
| Look at these brendas on the corner. | |
| Keep the camera low before they fucking rush the car. | |
| Right here. Boom. | |
| They're definitely crackheads. | |
| Are they French? No. Who's my man with the fucking rucksack and the... | |
| Here, this guy. | |
| Mr. Fucking Mountain Explorer. | |
| Fucking everything. | |
| Crazy. Rotted. | |
| It's just crackheads and fucking big black dudes. | |
| NBA all-stars up in this motherfucker The country's whack Your country hasn't been good since Napoleon. | |
| Hello, my name is Luke. | |
| I am Luke. I have croissants and cheese. | |
| And champagne. I'm more French than you then. | |
| T, you're not more French than me. | |
| Yes, I am. I have a French passport. | |
| Is yours for him? I don't need a French basketball. | |
| Croissons, serpé, I'm a Frenchman. | |
| I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what. I surrender. | |
| Shit. Got it. | |
| How's that feel? We did surrender. | |
| Really? It is true. | |
| It happened. It happened. | |
| That is history. | |
| You do have croissons. | |
| But you did surrender. Cheers. | |
| Business class. So T, why are we in Paris? | |
| I don't know. We have no reason to be in Paris. | |
| We're in Paris to have more fun in Paris than Andrew has in Paris. | |
| So when he tries to pull his Paris fun out in his argument, we get to win. | |
| Is he even in Paris yet? | |
| Right. I'm gonna win your hat, Rory. | |
| You're not gonna win my hat. You're definitely not going to win my half. | |
| We fucking got it. | |
| We got you. We got you. | |
| We're doing more Paris than you. | |
| You see how sunny it is and how beautiful it is. | |
|
Why Paris Fun Matters
00:08:36
|
|
| Beautiful day. Yeah. Absolutely beautiful. | |
| We got you. | |
| Andrew, we got you. | |
| We got you. You can't say you didn't get you. | |
| We're smoking cigarettes opposite the Eiffel Tower. | |
| We did Paris better than you. | |
| We're more French than you. | |
| I just had a croissant, my nice espresso, sparkling water, and a cigarette. | |
| Looking at the Eiffel Tower, I start smoking them to be French. | |
| While I'm in France, I smoke. | |
| Oui, oui. We got you. | |
| We had more fun in Paris than you did. | |
| Look at this beautiful day with all these other Parisian people. | |
| When Andrew's there, it's raining and snowing by tonight. | |
| Yeah. Three hours of sunshine. | |
| Yeah. The Lord has blessed us. | |
| He really has. We got him. | |
| We got him. It's one of the best gifts we've ever gotten. | |
| What could their adventure be? | |
| We're getting a stuck car way better than them. | |
| Way better. They didn't even know about this part. | |
| They didn't even know. They were in Paris. | |
| They didn't even do this. This isn't even the whole thing. | |
| We've got a train. We've got a bunch of shit. | |
| Our venture is better. Our venture is much better. | |
| I think we would live here. Why are we in France? | |
| To get angry. We have no reason to be here. | |
| Let me say we're up by the Apple Tower. | |
| We're actually, we went the wrong way. | |
| Yeah. We went over Stuttgart twice. | |
| Yeah. In the opposite direction. | |
| We passed our mission. | |
| Yeah. And now we gotta go back. | |
| In style. In style. | |
| So it starts snowing. | |
| It's snowing in Germany as well. | |
| I know in Germany you need to have winter tires by law. | |
| I, of course, have summer tires. | |
| What the fuck is it snowing for most? | |
| Why? I'm about to get stuck in Germany or crash and die. | |
| One of the two. What about summers? | |
| The Porsche we're collecting has winters. | |
| There's already snow on the road. | |
| It should be fun. | |
| Like the worst driving conditions ever. | |
| Look at this shit. I think we should take traction control off on the car. | |
| That would be much more sensible. | |
| What can we do with this shit? | |
| I'm driving through France in snow and the roads haven't been gridded. | |
| And I'm on summer tires in a 600 horsepower M5. So if I die, I just want all you motherfuckers to know that I died rich. | |
| And that's the thing. | |
| Let me tell you something, man. People say money doesn't buy happiness. | |
| That's true. But being broke ain't gonna make you happy. | |
| Being rich ain't gonna hurt you in any way. | |
| It's only gonna improve your life. | |
| It's gonna improve the life of people around you. | |
| There's no way it's gonna ever detriment your life. | |
| To be rich or richer. | |
| Now, I sit here every day and tell you I will make you money. | |
| I explain to you how Forex works. | |
| I explain to you why now is the perfect time. | |
| And I give you a trial so you can try me out first and call my bullshit. | |
| If you read this thread, you'll see all the proof. | |
| You'll also see nobody coming along and saying, I joined this trial, it didn't work. | |
| Nobody. So everyone who's joining is making money. | |
| Because if it didn't work, people will be coming on here going, this is bullshit. | |
| There's no hate. What more proof do you need? | |
| Join the trial today. | |
| And if it doesn't work, come out on the internet and you can come out and fucking say, this guy's full of shit. | |
| And if it does work, you make some money. | |
| What are you going to lose? Read the rest of this thread. | |
| You see all the proof in there. | |
| Go to corporatedate.com. | |
| Any more questions, message the live chat agent. | |
| Let's start getting money. Because if I die... | |
| There needs to be some other fucking rich motherfuckers driving across France on summer tires and M5s in the snow. | |
| Can't leave all the adventure to me. | |
| About to happen. | |
| Someone's fucked up. It's a little chief. | |
| Someone with winter tires. | |
| Someone less professional than me. | |
| There's all these people who don't respect the snow. | |
| You're snowing, bro. You better calm the fuck down. | |
| So what happened here? Let's see. Let's have a look. | |
| Fire Brigade are there. That guy looks alright. | |
| Fire Brigade. | |
| You in the ditch? | |
| Ross! Ross. | |
| Rotted! Car fucked! | |
| Jesus Christ. | |
| Probably a woman. I'm a man. | |
| I can drive like a man. | |
| Women. My tampons fell out! | |
| Bitch. Huh? | |
| Yeah, please. | |
| Nice. What is this? | |
| Coffee. Belgian coffee. | |
| It's not Belgian coffee. | |
| Don't be a baby. Bro. | |
| I want coffee. | |
| Stop being a baby. | |
| Basically, I'm more French than you. | |
| Oh, yeah. We should also mention that the food here is whack. | |
| They do not have sandwiches. | |
| Is the food here good? | |
| You have lots of meat. | |
| Yes, they do. And pickles. And mustard. | |
| And free red wine. | |
| That's true. But, see, I wanted a sandwich. | |
| And you said that they'd have super good food. | |
| Sandwiches are for English people. | |
| I'm French. They won't even let us really record. | |
| I'm French. I need more French. | |
| So to see who's more French, we're putting as much dino mustard on this as possible. | |
| Alright, T. I am more French than T. I think I can do it. | |
| Yeah. Watch. | |
| Yeah, look at that pain. | |
| That's not a Frenchman's pain, is it? | |
| I'll finish the Dujon mustard. | |
| I'll be your champion. You must turn on all sides. | |
| Is this enough? No. | |
| The top, you need to take it from your fork and roll the top and mustard as well. | |
| Now I'm going to lose some Dujon. | |
| You see, I just lost some there. Okay. | |
| That's good enough. | |
| Keep a, keep a straight face. | |
| Shit, you might be more French than me. | |
| Bye. | |
| I can see the pain, though. | |
| There's no pain. I know. The pain was visible. | |
| No pain. I'm French. The pain was visible. | |
| The French can eat as much as your mustard as you can. | |
| I bet I could drink more red wine than you, though. | |
| It's true. | |
| I'm not even going to play that game. | |
| Business. | |
| My own business. | |
| I'm going to play this game. | |
| So T is just going to make it impossible for me to sleep in this life. | |
| Because he cannot sleep. | |
| He doesn't know how to sleep, he just has Aikido hands. | |
| So he hates people who can sleep. | |
| He has a blind hatred for all sleepers. | |
| Oh! | |
| I'm all into his tricks. | |
| He was going to pull this, and the arm was going to move. | |
| That is exactly what's going to happen. | |
| Yeah, but you can't sleep if you're worried about my tricks. | |
| I can. I just happened you weren't ninja enough. | |
| I heard something. | |
| Something was going on. It was this buckle. | |
| Some buckle movement. | |
|
Buckle Up For Trouble
00:00:16
|
|
| I will never be allowed to have a Swiss bank account. | |
| They basically said, oh, that's very interesting. | |
| Oh, you have lots of money? No. | |
| Gambling, high-risk industry, pornography, high-risk industry, webcam girls, strip clubs, all the things that I do, high-risk industries, plus I have an American passport. | |