| Time | Text |
|---|---|
|
Buying Luke a Ferrari
00:05:57
|
|
| Good shot there from Tate! | |
| A lot of people say girls love money and that's not entirely true. | |
| I'm not sure if that's true. | |
| Luke, my brother is irresponsible. | |
| I'm going to apologize for his irrationality by buying you a present. | |
| But I can't buy you a watch because your hands are all fucked up. | |
| It's true. So I'm going to buy you a Ferrari. | |
| You don't buy Luke. I'm buying Luke a Ferrari. | |
| No, you're buying yourself a Ferrari. | |
| I can't drive a Ferrari. | |
| Whoa, Luke, this car is for you. | |
| He's buying himself a Ferrari. | |
| Why would I buy myself a Ferrari? | |
| I have loads of cars. Why would I do that? | |
| That would be wholly irresponsible. | |
| You're buying me and you a Ferrari. | |
| Tristan, we're buying Luke a Ferrari. | |
| He deserves it because of what you did. | |
| Luke, you're not getting a Ferrari. | |
| He's getting a Ferrari. After he was testing me, Luke was all done with a Ferrari. | |
| That's exactly what's going to happen. | |
| I guarantee it. | |
| Yeah, but... Cool. | |
| So I've got a Ferrari now, but I can't drive it. | |
| Damn it. | |
| Palooka, Palooka, stop filming. | |
| Not for me. It's for Luke. Luke deserves it. | |
| Obviously, he can't drive it, so I'll have to drive it for him at first. | |
| Obviously, it's for Luke, but I'll have to drive it for him because of his hands. | |
| Do you know what I mean? Luke has no hands. | |
| He has no hands. So, obviously, he's nice, really. | |
| Well, I would... | |
| I think the Vafari looks the nicest. | |
| You think? Over Lambo? | |
| Over them all, yeah. Yeah? | |
| I think, I don't know. Being here, looking at... | |
| Are you that straight line? No. | |
| That's my Vafari mount flight. | |
| We're buying it for Luke. | |
| You're not buying it for Luke. | |
| Listen, Luke can't drive it so I have to drive it because his hands are back. | |
| And then I'm driving it too. | |
| It's ours. It's Luke's! | |
| It's mining Luke. I'm buying it. | |
| I'm buying it for Luke. This is what you did. | |
| How about they wouldn't buy it? At least you're American. | |
| You can probably see. What are you doing, Luke? | |
| Suicide. No suicide. | |
| Not suicide. No suicide. | |
| I bring him to my house. | |
| I let him lose a million guys' life. | |
| He comes up with a bad idea because I go along with him. | |
| You gotta get out behind the lawyer. | |
| And you don't hire him a lawyer. | |
| Money down the drain. | |
| What is this? What is this? | |
| This is the dude down here talking to you about 4 a.m. | |
| customer. We are done. | |
| We are done. We are done. | |
| We are done. You can't even get it wrapped, can you? | |
| I ain't gonna fit in the back, bro. | |
| See how big I am? Luke, he's been test driving for Arby's for 20 minutes. | |
| Now I'm gonna go test driving for Arby's. | |
| You're not getting it forward. So I'm going to be nice to you and I'm just going to drive you home instead of test driving a Ferrari. | |
| Alright, one follow. | |
| You're going to do the Aston Martin key, then I'm going to take a loop home because he's not actually getting a Ferrari. | |
| I am. I'm getting a Ferrari. | |
| You're not. Said it was my Ferrari. | |
| It's my Ferrari, but it's not. Once I can drive a Ferrari, it's a Ferrari. | |
| That's mine. | |
| Ciao for now. | |
| See you later, handsome. Ciao. | |
| I'm going to be a bit of a pain in the ass. | |
| I'm probably going to be close. | |
| Because obviously when I'm choosing a car for Luke, I have to choose the one I like driving the most. | |
| I'm riding the mic. | |
| When you're choosing a car for Luke, it's all about how I like driving. | |
| Because Luke, his hands, you know, he's got bad hands, so I'm going to have to buy him a Ferrari that I'm going to have to drive it full time to make sure that, you know, he doesn't injure his fingers. | |
| That's nice of me. That is nice of you. | |
| I'm a nice guy. Alright, Lori. | |
|
Why Are We At An Irish Club?
00:07:03
|
|
| It's been a good while since we had a good Irish-style drinking contest. | |
| I want your hat. I bet you your hat, the hat that I'm winning tonight. | |
| No, but what do I do? | |
| I'll have your coat. I'll have your coat. | |
| Your hat against my coat. | |
| My hat, your coat. How much was your hat? | |
| My hat was 23. My count is almost $12,000. | |
| It's about the same. All right. | |
| Keep score on fold. Ready? | |
| Round one. | |
| Three, two, one. | |
| One nil to me. | |
| Nine and a half. | |
| Three, two, one. | |
| Nine and a half. | |
| Three, two, one. | |
| Nine and a half. | |
| Three, two, one. | |
| Nine and a half. | |
| Three, two, one. | |
| Nine and a half. | |
| Three, two, one. | |
| Best out of five. Okay. | |
| We'll keep it going all night. Highest score at the end of the night. | |
| Keep an eye. Ready? | |
| Round two. Next to three or next to five? | |
| Next to five. Next to five. | |
| One all. Why are we at an Irish club? | |
| In all the good places in this city, why are we at some Irish club? | |
| Oh Andrew, why are you so sad upon this Easter morn? | |
| Where Irish men are proud and glad of the land where we were born? | |
| Oh son, I see in memory a far and distant day When being just a boy like you, I joined the IRA. I won. | |
| You did win. 2-1. | |
| 2-1 to you. Andrew's gone. | |
| Fuck him. Fuck him! | |
| Salute! You're joining in on this race just because it's supposed to be related to me. | |
| You've got your name back to earn it. | |
| You have almost a fight. | |
| You're gonna race me and Rory in the penultimate round. | |
| One more round and I win if I can beat Rory this time. | |
| Ready? Let's go! | |
| Do I actually have to give you my coat? | |
| Yeah, you do. All right. | |
| Tyrone, I don't even want your suit to go. | |
| I'm not going to be a suit to go. | |
| And you're one of the few men that will actually fit. | |
| I will win your coat. | |
| Fuckin' bro. | |
| Hoo hoo hoo! | |
| Alright, alright. | |
| Keep my coat, keep the hat. | |
| Keep it the hat. | |
| Oh And I thought you were Irish. | |
| I'm sorry. You're obviously more Irish than me. | |
| For the record, my grandfather is from Limerick in Ireland. | |
| I'm the real fucking Neal, no contender. | |
| Let's finish. Check the hat. | |
| Good game. Good game. | |
| That's how the Irish do. | |
| After the fight, we're all friends. | |
| Now that we're done with the drinking contest, we can finally start drinking. | |
| You like my new hat? | |
| I want that hat. | |
| I'm gonna put this fucking hat over your back. | |
| We're enjoying this one. | |
| We're wearing your jokes, a lie like you. | |
| Enjoy the IRA! We need McDonald's. | |
| McDonald's. We do need McDonald's. | |
| Two cans to the fridge. | |
| Get us two cans to the fridge. No, no, no, no. | |
| Tristan, we need McDonald's. | |
| No, cans are fun. | |
| Fuck you. Fuck you. | |
| My stomach is empty. | |
| I have had 15 pints alongside you and taken the key. | |
| We need to go. You can't take my keys. | |
| Fuck. The fuck? | |
| You can't take my fucking key. | |
| The fuck? Hey, bro, I'm sorry. | |
| I need nuggets. I'm sorry. You don't need nuggets. | |
| You need beer. Here. | |
| I'm sorry. Here. | |
| Give him a beer. Give him a beer. | |
| Give him a fucking beer. | |
| God damn it, guys. | |
| He... He doesn't... | |
| Everyone understands one thing and one thing only. | |
| on these physical forms. | |
| You're good, man. | |
| Disclaimer, bird fold is not involved. | |
| Oh, oh, oh, so he's not in bed. | |
| Not in bed. You win. I'm ready for Jaboozy! | |
| I am ready for Jaboozy! | |
| Sorry. So, he didn't actually go to sleep. | |
| Sorry. I was literally walking upstairs. | |
| I know. And to fight you. | |
| I know. I already knew. | |
| I knew from the beginning. | |
| So, why would you go upstairs? | |
| Oh, I see. Yeah. | |
| Well, you're about to catch these cans. | |
| I already knew. | |
| I was ready. | |
| He's here. Look, wrong fold. | |
| I woke upstairs ready to fight this man. | |
| And he's ready for the cans, okay? | |
| Ready for the cans. Ready for the cans. | |
| Cool, because you had the, the, this and this. | |
| The hands of the cans! I already knew. | |
| I already knew. All right. | |
| No respect. Luke, can you tell me what somebody from Corsica is called? | |
| Corsica. Can you tell me what somebody from Corsica is called? | |
| The answer is... | |
| Corsican! Fucking idiot! | |
| I'm just an idiot! C'mon you retard! | |
| Corsican! Corsican. | |
| You fucking dumbass. | |
| You fell for that. You fell right in front of me. | |
| I gotcha. Hey! | |
| Don't touch the fucking hat! | |
| You have to choose me or this hat! | |
| Hey! Don't fucking touch it! | |
| You don't want to have sex? Fine. | |
| Get the fuck out. Yeah, I will not have sex with you. | |
| What can you do where I keep you? | |
| I look good. Okay, bye then. | |
| Fuck off. Fuck off. | |
| Hey, Ruffle, fuck off, man. | |