Trevor Wallace is a stand-up comedian, content creator and podcaster. You can see him live on his “Alpha Beta Male” tour happening now.
Trevor returns to talk about visiting Africa for the first time, the new trend of OnlyFans bootcamps, and why we need to investigate the Wonka tapes.
Trevor Wallace: https://www.instagram.com/trevorwallace/
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If you missed out on any of the holiday merch, which I get it for sure, it's a busy time.
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You can check it all out and see what speaks to you, if anything, at theovonstore.com.
And thank you so much for your support.
Today's guest is a stand-up comedian.
He's a content creator.
He has his own podcast called Stiff Socks, and his new tour is happening right now called Alpha Beta Mail.
You can go check that out.
I'm grateful for his return.
Today's guest is Trevor Wallace.
That's crazy.
I'm going to start poaching.
I don't give a fuck, dude.
I've had people poach me.
Mr. Beast has taken some of my guys.
Has he really?
Yeah, dude.
No way.
I'm poaching.
I don't give a fuck.
Mr. Beast took some of your guys.
Let's start right there.
That's why.
Mr. Beast.
Well, I mean, he hires just the best of the best.
And what he does is he'll like kind of like, it's not him.
It's like people who work under him.
Just finding all the best people in the industry.
And honestly, I don't blame him because I've worked with some people that like, the line on the resume is so strong.
Because you get them in, you're like, this is a very simple thing, the simple edit.
You can do this, right?
Mock this edit in this edit.
And they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And you get it back.
And you just want to be like, you know what?
Fuck it.
Color in the lines first.
Let me see that.
Spell your name alphabetically first.
Yeah, people will put trap beats and shit to your edits, but he just takes the best of the best.
And people in that town, where's Greenville?
Greensboro?
Maybe it's near ECU, wherever that one is.
Okay.
And they got a pirate as a mascot, which 2026, I don't know if you can do that anymore.
Greenville, North Australia.
Yeah, Nick Shirley will show up and bust all your mascots.
And honestly, after losing a leg, why would you still want to be on a ship?
That doesn't seem like a very steady place to be.
It's a lot of wobbles going on there.
And I love Mr. Beast.
I'll say that.
He's a good guy, but he's smart for just taking the best of the best.
Well, I think at a certain point, you realize.
It's almost good.
It's like if you have a hot girlfriend and she gets hit on at a bar, I'm not mad.
I'm mad if nobody hits on my girlfriend.
Yeah, dude, if somebody just comes up and talks to you and you introduce me to your girlfriend and they don't even look at her anyway.
Oh, yeah.
Dude, I think the most disrespectful thing you can say to a guy after they show them their girlfriend, be like, oh, man, as long as you're happy.
As long as you're happy.
Not anymore.
I'm going to take my own life.
She's free now.
Yeah.
Bro, I'm going to definitely go get her hair braided or something or like get her rode up or something.
You have to do something then.
But then if somebody looks at your girlfriend three times, dude, you're like, whoa, dude.
You get two free glimpses.
It's like Monopoly.
You get two free out of jails.
You get two free glimpses.
And they better be up top glimpses.
They better, I mean, looking at her hairline.
Clavicles up.
Yeah.
But it is funny that like if you're, and I don't think this happens the older you get in life, but like when you are just go on sciatica, as you get older, it's not as much, but like when you start dating somebody, it's almost like your boys are like, yo, check her out.
She's hot, right?
Look at her tits.
Yeah.
And then those people get married eventually and you're like, I've seen your wife's tits.
Yeah.
Why am I even at the wedding?
I've seen, I've seen them.
Yeah, I think it's wild.
Like that's one of the things that I think it'd be wild to know is about if somebody marries like somebody that has like a lot of OnlyFan stuff out there and stuff like that.
If that can be, because I don't look at OnlyFans, but I don't know.
And some of the stuff might just be photos.
I know some of it's sex, but it's all.
It's all SEX.
It's crazy.
You're like, surely they don't go all the way.
And you do one Reddit search and they're in the dark webs.
They're going all the way?
All the way.
Oh my God.
It's crazy.
Well, I think they do it because it's like behind so many paywalls.
They're like, nobody's going to see this.
And do they even have a shirt on or anything or nothing?
No, I don't even know if they have the AC on.
It's like a sweaty place.
I don't know, man.
There's always music in the background.
It's always like Wiz Khalifa, like young, wild, and free.
And you're like, I don't know if this is the most.
I feel like this is a song for like a high school graduation.
Dude, if you're getting kind of shanked down somewhere, I think you got to have the AC on, I feel like.
AC on and windows down or like the blinds down.
It's too bright in there.
Oh, yeah.
But then if some of the dark, I will say this, having been a user of pornography.
You're still off, yeah?
I've had some setbacks.
Yeah.
And what sparked that setback?
Oh, I'll tell you.
Not to trigger anything.
No, dude.
You trigger something that night.
Frustrated, lonesome.
Laying there, like reading.
And then being like, oh, this book isn't enough, you know, like, and it's just a book's like a good book.
Does it have photos or no?
It's like all's quiet on the Western Front or something.
It's like, oh, this book isn't enough to make you pray, you know?
Oh, yeah.
You're talking about the Dust Bowl?
Yeah.
There are a couple of scenes in Grapes of Wrath that kind of like- Really?
Really?
Well, there is a very like, there's a scene where the mom at the end or a woman who's breastfeeding at the end has to breastfeed a person because like an adult because they just don't have anything to eat.
Yes.
I've been so hungry before, though.
But that's like, I mean, that's.
Oh, we're already on Reddit.
It's about to happen.
We're two clicks away from some tits.
Yeah.
Well, let's back out of here because I'm already.
Well, I'm already, I'm looking at the Louis C.K. book behind you.
And something about that cover, like that, that feels like might get a little.
But yeah, dude, I think that's the kind of thing that gets me, you know?
And if I haven't been meditating, I have a little like a moment of peace before like I like react.
Mental masturbation, yeah.
Where it's, I feel like, well, it's like not as reactive.
It's like I have a moment of like, okay, well, what do I really want to do here, you know?
Because then I'll jerk off, then I feel bad, that type of thing.
But overall, it's kind of tough.
I mean, it's instant.
The second it leaves the body, it's like, come out, regret in.
And it's like a baton.
Like it's like a handoff.
It's like, goodbye, good night.
And then you're just sitting there with shame.
Oh.
How are you in hotel rooms?
Are you like after shows, are you like, okay, I can just go straight to sleep?
Or you're just kind of sitting there pacing a little bit?
Oh, man.
I mean, I think it's a variety of stuff.
You know, I think, I don't know if hotel rooms do it for me anymore, which is kind of sad because that used to be the thing.
Like you get in a nice room, you got to jerk up right when you get in there.
That's the key card.
Yeah, it's like, oh, I thought this thing runs on DNA.
You're just spraying on the freaking, on the, on the, on the swipe out front.
Exactly.
And then you stick the do not disturb sign on the nut.
But I just feel like any room, I just, it's just not home.
So it's always going to feel awkward.
It's just like the AC, the AC needs to pick a lane.
It's on, then it's off.
Yeah.
It's on those, and you're like, why are you edging me with AC?
The AC does feel like it's edging all the time.
And it's a crazy time of year.
I think, too, in the winter, you can never get the heat right in your house or your room, whatever it is.
The heat is the worst because it's like, it's blazing hot for a second and then it kind of disappears really fast.
It's like, I don't know.
All that stuff's kind of hectic, dude.
I mean, getting through the winter, getting through these days, I kind of, I never want the year to start.
That's what I realize.
I do not.
Yes.
It's like, I'm still like trying to relax and chill and the year just starts back so fast.
You've been taking a break though.
Yeah.
How you feeling?
Good?
Yeah, I'm feeling better for sure.
Yeah, nice.
But I want to just keep doing that.
And that's fine.
But I think the calendar is just like, here we're going again.
You know, it's kind of like that.
I feel that it takes me a while to like calm down.
And then the second I start to calm down, that's when it starts ramping back up.
Yeah.
It's like to, if you really need to enjoy a vacation, let's say you want a week off.
You almost need like two or three days before and two or three days after to like build in and then to like build up to get out.
Do you think like, Do you think it's tougher for people to find like spouses and stuff these days because there's so much like date?
Like, so many people, like, you've dated your friends and all that kind of stuff.
Does that ever affect you, you think, at all?
What's the question?
Like, if you wanted to find like a girlfriend or something, is it tough?
Because it's like, oh man, my buddies date her.
It's like, there's just so much.
Oh, oh, oh, in the same town.
I guess it just depends on like the town capacity.
I mean, like, where my dad grew up, it's like 5,000 people.
Yeah.
I mean, at that point, it's like you might have to run it back once or twice.
You might have to date somebody you dated years back just to be like, we've hit the cycle.
You know, at a strip club on like a Tuesday when it's slow, and then like the same dancers come out every like three songs with a new hat or whatever.
Yeah, exactly.
And they just put like La in front of their name.
Selling Offices and Running Positions00:15:30
Yeah.
There's Diamond now, there's Le Diamond.
You're like, is this Spanish diamond?
Yeah, Le China.
L Diamond.
And she's next.
I think it just depends on the town.
Yeah, dude.
I think that's why guys randomly just move, though.
Yeah, fuck it.
I'm going to Oregon.
And dudes will be like, hey, is there, they'll just say, some people send out like a tweet, like, hey, is there some good puss out in Oregon or whatever?
The craziest shit to me.
And some dudes will reply, like, bro, no puss in Oregon.
Yeah, bro.
And they're with a girl right there.
They're with a wife.
The craziest shit is the people that like, and I'm sure you've had people like this on your tour.
I have a girlfriend now, so I don't do this, but like, I don't, like, there'll be guys on your tour who are like swiping in the next city.
They're like meal prepping swipes.
Yes.
They're like, oh, I'm already in Chattanooga.
Yeah.
We're in San Diego, brother.
What the hell are you on?
Yeah, I've had some openers that are like that.
They're already in the next city and they're like, oh, I got a girl maybe coming through.
And I'm like, how'd you meet her?
Like, I met her on Hinge or whatever.
We're together now.
It's crazy.
Yeah, the pre-swipes.
I don't know.
I mean, it's, I guess, I don't know.
I guess it's like kind of like ordering an Uber for the next day or something.
Like, there's some smart strategy behind it.
That's Uber Eats, dude.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Uber eats out.
Dude, a lot of crazy stuff.
What did I see that there was a one girl?
Um, Trish, Trisha Paytas is running for office.
Did you see that?
Do you know her kids' names?
Uh-uh.
I don't know why you would.
I don't know why I do, but her kids' names are something.
Can you pull that up somewhere, someone?
It's fun.
Yeah, it's uh Elvis and Aquaman, who should be in the new Jason Mamo movie.
And they're kids, so I don't want to talk shit, but their names follow a theme of pop culture and iconic figures with Aquaman being a nod to his cancer water sign birth month and the movie.
Wow.
And their fourth kid is Charlie Kirk.
No.
Reincarnate.
But this is her right here.
So I never thought of.
Is this real?
She's running for president.
She's running for office, I believe, for Congress.
I never thought of myself as a political person until I started having kids and realizing like the world could be just so.
What is she eating?
Dystopian, for real, by the time they is she doing a mukbang while running for office?
That is crazy.
That's a good way to keep attention though, why the wasn't Biden eating goddamn overnight oats while doing his campaign, was eating ideas from years ago, bro.
That guy was eating his words, bro.
Can you even imagine the pain that Biden had to go through each day when they put him back up there and they're like, okay, you're going back up there.
Yeah, I feel like and he didn't have any clue what he was doing.
He was like, you've seen people like Aaron Rogers.
He's like, he's still playing, but he just wants to be on a beach on Ayahuasca.
Yeah, he just wants to be away.
I I I, I. Every day I think who would want to be president?
Oh, every day you have people yelling at you.
It seems like the worst, but I, just when he went out there and they put him on that bike, they knew he couldn't do it.
It's all crazy.
That was the first hit from Another country was the bike.
Yeah.
When he fell off that bike or when that bike was, that was somebody.
That was somebody in like North Dakota being like, let's take him out.
Deflate the tires.
Yeah, let's wait one of these pedals.
It would only take a little bit.
What did she say?
What else did she say?
Let's see.
Is this series that she's running?
And for those of you who don't know, Trisha Paytas is a done everything.
She's really just culturally well known online on YouTube and TikTok and everything.
And I believe at one point she did YouTuber and Influencer.
P-R-N announced PlayStation expressed a desire to make a difference amid horrible stuff in California and the world, calling the idea crazy but vivid.
From a dream she had, she plans to run as a write-in candidate initially and then self-fund her paint campaign.
Her potential slogan, potential slogan is California could be good.
Hey, that's a moderate, that's a moderate set.
Could be good.
Yeah, it's fair.
Could be all right.
Could be good.
It's a fair thing to take with you.
Yeah, it's like, I feel like that's like two levels.
You know, when you go to like a hot chicken place and they have all the different levels, yeah.
And like Make America Great Again is the number one.
Could be good is like the starting point.
Like California could be good.
That's a nugget.
And then it's like, Texas will fuck your ass.
And then it's like, make America great again.
Yeah.
Wow, that's wild.
And what is some of her, does she have a like a policy?
What is she kind of running on?
Does she have any priorities that she's saying?
Does she say it in that speech?
What is going on?
How do you even run for president?
Like, where do you sign up?
Well, this is Congress.
And Congress, there's a lot of Congress people.
So is Congress like the farm league for baseball?
Total of 535 members of Congress, dude.
That's like the Brea improv.
Yeah.
Yeah, that fell.
Imagine if that fills up.
God bombs so hard.
100 serve in the U.S. Senate and 435 serve in the House of Representatives.
But can you go back to what her priority was?
Can we get to that?
Really dark and depressing things, but getting a full demonstration means being able to not only deal with my emotions and spirals and triggers, I need to start dealing with the world.
I'm going to start my state.
And I really think my slogan for running will just be like, California could be good.
Okay, this is so wild.
But good for her.
What would your slogan be for Nashville?
Ooh, Nashville could be quieter.
Let's get this shit hype.
Whiteys.
Hey, I think that could be it.
Type shit.
And others.
And others.
Yeah.
Type shit.
Yeah.
Who's ready for some Tennessee type shit?
No.
Tennessee type shit is way better than Titans.
Tennessee type shit.
Oh, Tennessee Titan.
I mean, that's the first improvement.
You should be a head coach somewhere.
The Tennessee type shit.
You're at a lot of games.
Like, you know, ball.
We've had a great deal of games, man.
Well, the college is great.
The university, I mean, Cam Ward, shout out to him.
He seems like a great kid.
He's going to go far.
He seems like a nice guy over there for sure.
I mean, I only met him one time, but he seems nice.
Yeah, they've had a rough season over there.
They're looking for a new coach right now.
So I think they're in a lot of rebuilding going on over at the Titans.
Totally.
Well, they should hire Trisha Paytas.
Because the Titans could be good.
Could be good.
Could be good.
Dude, you're right.
It's kind of the perfect motto.
If she were to win off as the freaky singer, it says here, and this is the Hill, said her primary goal would be to raise the age requirement for participating in adult entertainment to 25.
I think that's probably a good idea.
Is that because that's when the brain is fully developed to be like, hey, should I be throwing my puss online?
Yeah, I think, well, I guess that's, I mean, I think it's up, it's obviously up to the women, but I think having a better understanding of what you want to do before you kind of lock yourself into a video or something is probably a good idea.
It is crazy.
You can get fully nude on the internet before you can get a bush light.
You can show Bush before getting a bush light.
Yeah.
18 pop it out, but you can't go to a bar.
It is kind of wild.
But that was like the original stance with like the war.
It's like we can fire for this country at 18, but it can't get a goddamn course latte.
Yeah.
Now we've just rotated.
Women can show a puss, but they can't get a Pacifico.
Well, that's what I'm running for, yeah, dude.
Yeah, you could storm the beaches of Pacifica, but you can't get one.
You know, that's kind of the crazy part, dude.
The wildest, uh, maybe they'll do like a like a mashup, like the army and only fans would be like army fans.
Oh, maybe they'll do like a mashup.
There's kind of an army going.
There's like a war going on in the OF world right now.
Like, I don't know if it's like fascinating, or I don't think we should draw any more attention to it, but like there's some girl like selling a course and everyone's kind of yelling at her.
Who's selling a course?
She's selling a course on like how to be like an OF, but she's doing like Andrew Tate, but for like popping it online, like, like how to like how to do it and do it well.
I guess maybe it's about like different positions or something.
I think it's like how to like market, like, like, if you want to be an OF girl, this is how you would run it.
And she, it's a course, like, like with any of these guys, like Andrew Elliott, Andrew Elliott, no, Andy Elliott.
It's just a course that they're selling for $6,000.
And now other girls who do that are like, hey, why don't you just give this out for free?
Like, why don't why you stop being a piece of shit?
Like, this course is not good.
Like, the course is just getting out.
I don't know.
I mean, it's up to girls, right?
It's their bodies.
It's their choices about it.
Like, but I do think 18 is kind of young.
It's very young.
We had a lady on named Layla Mecklewaite, and she talked about a lot of pornography that's online.
It's not consensual.
So a lot, there was like a lot of lawsuits that made like Pornhub and some of these other sites take down non-consensual sex.
So it was sex that had been recorded, but nobody ever signed off and said, okay, yes, I'm okay with you putting that up.
Right.
So OnlyFans Camellia Aragile faces backlash for $5,000 course.
People saying it's a scam.
I mean, people make courses for everything.
It's like, if you go and buy this, then that's your choice.
Do I think it's probably the best thing to be kind of marketing?
I don't know.
I'm not a woman.
I don't know if, but I think I don't know.
Would I want my daughter probably doing that if she's like eight?
I don't know.
I'll tell you this.
It'd be nicer if somebody's 25 and they're able to make that choice, probably.
Yeah, I think it's just anytime people spend money on something, there's a sense of entitlement where it's like, if you pay a premium, you're expecting a premium return.
And then if you log on to it or you buy it and it's just a shit course, then you're instantly mad.
So a lot of those courses are pretty mid, though.
Remember all those ones during COVID on Facebook?
They were like, it was like the like everybody was putting a course up, it felt like.
Yeah, I mean, I did one at one point too.
I just did early, early, early on social media during the pandemic.
It was just kind of vape and drive by somebody.
Blow O's.
Yeah, I blow loads.
That's what it's called.
O's and loads.
No, it was just like during the pandemic.
And I was literally like, I'm just such a workhorse.
And I like, if I'm not doing anything, I like, I just feel guilt.
I feel like I need to be doing something.
And during the pandemic, I was like, what if I did like a just here's everything I do start to finish video ideas when it comes to creating ideas, editing it.
And did you feel good about it?
I felt like I felt like it was true to me.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Which is cool because now I have multiple friends who I watch and admire online.
And like years later, we're like, yo, low-key, we took your class.
No way.
Thank you for teaching us like, game.
I'm like, what the fuck?
Dude, actually, I just hanging out with students.
I took a comedy class when I started.
Yeah.
So I, yeah, you're right.
It's like, what's the real difference?
Yeah, it's not up anymore.
Or I don't think you can buy it anymore, but like it was just at the time, it was a one-time purchase, $125.
That's fair.
Yeah.
I mean, it's a workhorse, though, dude.
You love your work.
You're locked in, you know.
Yeah.
I haven't done those in a while, but yeah, well, I get this.
It was broken down into chapters.
It was like five hours totals of stuff.
And it was just me saying, I mean, I'm sure parts of it were like, maybe boring, but I think if you watch the whole thing, I really break it down.
Like, that's what's been the hardest thing for me is like hiring additional help.
It's like I am so locked in on like exactly what I want, what I'm looking for.
And then I tell it to somebody and then they don't do it.
I'm like, no, no, it's this.
Like, mock this example here.
And it just you have to do it yourself in the end.
And that takes a ton of time.
That's the same way I'm with edits.
It's like, I got to stay up and go watch through the edits.
It's like, I just got to make sure I'm very meticulous.
It's hard for somebody to get your like exact ways down, you know?
It's tough.
Which is hard because it's like, if you do it, then they don't learn.
But sometimes, just whether it's a deadline or something, I'll be like, here, just let me over the shoulder.
I'm like, move this, do this.
I'll do it myself.
And be like, you get it?
And be like, yeah, but I'm not like teaching them.
So I don't know.
Nobody told you that getting into comedy, now you have to be like an employer.
Like you have to be like a boss.
Oh, that's the worst.
Yeah.
You guys hear that back there?
It's the fucking worst.
Make his life better.
No, they do.
I'm the problem.
I feel like usually it's like, you know, because nobody knows what you want and you don't even know.
Like, it's so hard to explain yourself.
You know, oh, yeah.
But it is crazy from going to somebody who just wanted to kind of rest all day and like barely made it to the shows sometimes.
Dude, I remember one time I was drunk.
I peed on my phone or whatever and I couldn't even fucking get a hold of like the people to come and get me for the show.
Just like nightmare shit.
And then to go from that to being like, oh, dang, I'm in, like, people are waiting to hear back from me about stuff.
It's like, that kind of stuff's a lot.
I think evolving in a place, especially if you find out that you like to work a lot and then becoming a boss is super hard.
And learning to communicate like a like I'm trying to learn to communicate better.
It's been a slow climb, man.
The hardest part for me is like, if I'm not working, then nobody's working, it feels like, which isn't true, but like it feels like I need to be there to like run ship.
But if I'm not, then people are kind of like, what are we, who do I, how do I, that's why the touring makes it hard.
So in the first world, I just want to bring everybody.
Fuck it.
Bring your Dell, bring your PC.
You're editing on this flight and we can just all be there.
Yeah.
Which is just not realistic.
But I feel like comedians now work harder than they've ever worked.
When you first started, like, I remember you were on Last Comic Standing, right?
Like in those days, what was kind of like your day-to-day in comedy?
Like, it's just you wake up and you just had spots at night or were you doing other shit?
Yeah.
You had spots at night, go to the gym, probably just try to take care of yourself.
Like, you know, stay like, you know, I liked going to the gym at the time.
So do that.
I mean, I started doing like this like crank texting thing and some weird stuff, like making some websites.
Oh, oh, oh.
Yeah, like trying to look for some other comedy.
Yeah, finding something on the internet that could like be like another like force for me or like another thing that I could do.
Who are like the big dogs in LA when you were Nick Thune, Owen Benjamin?
Yeah.
Dane Cook was like the biggest guy right when I got there.
I never saw him much, but sometimes he would come by some of the rooms.
Who else?
Oh, Steve Byrne, Adam Hunter.
Those were like the guys that were like real popular at the rooms that I went to.
And every now and then, like somebody magical would come through, like a Jim Norton would come through or like Chelsea Handler, I think, came in one time.
But those weren't in the clubs.
Those were just like in the like tertiary rooms, you know, some of those guys, I guess, and girls that started getting into clubs.
So what have you been up to in your time off?
Your break?
You're taking a couple months off now.
Yeah, I mean, I'm stand-up.
We're still doing a ton of podcasting.
In my head, I go, like, oh, I have a week off, but that just means from touring.
Right.
A week off.
Now I'm just doing the same shit, but at home.
Yeah.
Oh, it's nice having a break from travel.
From travel.
Yeah.
From that kind of thing.
I mean, I got to go to a lot of football games.
That was fun.
I've been able to do that.
Like, I mean, I've probably done 26 weeks a year for probably 15 years.
So it's like, you know, it's hard to kind of plan it.
Well, it's hard to go out of town whenever you just went.
We're out of town even for work.
So that was fun getting to go to a lot of SEC football games.
That was great.
I got to redo my comedy special.
So we're going to retape that at some point.
Nice.
Have you not said yet?
Nope.
Breaking news.
I haven't heard your life.
Do you know where you're shooting it yet?
I don't yet.
We're going to start.
I got to start figuring that out.
Just wanted to wait till I felt like kind of excited about just kind of getting back on stage.
And I just wanted to have some like space.
Adjusting to Change00:02:25
Like just the tour.
It was just a lot.
Last year was just a long year.
Totally.
Totally.
But it was great.
I mean, you know, it was good and it was just a lot.
You're just learning and life's changing.
And you're like, man, this is like.
Just take a second to like pause.
I'm like, what's the real priority here?
Yeah.
And you had to get security for some stuff.
You know, you started realizing you're kind of freaking out when you're by yourself a little bit, like things like that.
I mean, like, and that makes it kind of spooky, you know?
So I think if you took a with a sample size of like one in seven Americans, I would say six of them know you.
Oh, now I know.
But like seven people, just any like Santa Fe, New Mexico, you know, Dayton, Ohio.
I mean, those two definitely, but like if you like a couple twinks, maybe, you know, yeah, but like, I think you're just so known that there's sometimes that you don't, when you just show, you're just so you, though, that it like, I don't know if you see it.
I mean, obviously you see it, but like how the world sees you.
That's something that is always an interesting thing.
It's like, you don't know how the world sees you because you only see the world, but like you're so well known that you just show up like solo and I'm like, this motherfucker just interviewed the Ukrainian missile crisis and now he's just at the comedy store walking up by himself.
But you want to feel like just your own space in the world, you know?
And so I think that was like kind of a conflict a lot for me last year.
And like just knowing that, okay, well, sometimes you just need to have somebody with you.
And then I started really just feeling kind of paranoid when I was by myself.
But some of it was just people filming you, just people doing stuff that started to make you kind of crazy.
Like you'll just go to eat or you'll go to do something simple.
And it'd be like little things.
And it's okay.
I'm not complaining about it.
I'm just saying there's some adjustment to it and there's some psychological adjustment to it as well.
And then I think like, yeah, things got scary last year when they shot Charlie Kirk.
That probably scared everybody who even gets on a stage, I think, was probably scared.
Oh, dude, I was at the comedy store.
I have a clip of this.
I might post it.
I'll show it to you, see if it's good or not.
But a balloon popped on New Year's.
I was at the store and my first words were, I thought I just got kirked.
And it got a big pop.
But it's one of those things.
It's like, do I post it?
Prize Card Flavors00:02:59
And then the internet's like, oh, well, now here we go with it.
And I'm like, no, I think it's fine, bro.
Oh, okay.
I think it's like, I mean.
But then I talk about Erica and her eyesight.
And like, that's when it goes like a little like.
I think you have to joke about it.
Like, I start thinking of things to talk about about stuff like that.
I mean, it's just, but yeah, I think all that made people kind of spooked.
It was like, what's going on?
And then it doesn't seem like the investigation like, what's really happening here?
And there's like, they show the kid at a dairy queen or something.
It's like he's wearing different stuff.
The biggest thing is like, I think this might have been put on by Dairy Queen.
There's no way that they didn't put a bid in to some bigger picture to be like, listen, Blizzards aren't doing the numbers they used to do.
Like, but, but think about that.
Any, okay, now I'm getting real conspiracy in here.
But any fast food place he goes to, their sales are going to go up.
People watch this and we're like, yo, I low-key want a blizzard right now.
Yeah, for sure.
Bro, if fucking Jack in the Box did this shit and he ate two tacos, bro, that's the, well, dude.
I'm fucking sick of this planet.
Get me off this bitch.
Dude, if Baskin Robbins did this, they would have 32 flavors.
Oh, they'd have, oh, I'd bring the Chaco Taco back to Taco Bell.
I'd make a new flavor for him in the back, homie.
That's what I want, dude.
That's what that twink fuck.
Dude, if that would have happened at a Ben and Jerry's, they would have had it.
Oh, yeah.
They would have had that flavor quick.
Dude, how do they not have Twink shooter?
Twinkle, twinkle, little star.
How do they not have twink shooter, Ben and Jerry's ice cream flavor?
Dude, that's the thing.
Some of these, some of these food companies have got to start to come out with foods that people can relate to.
It's like, how do they not have that the rooftop gunner's Mac nugget or something?
You know, like, are they, and it's like a little guy.
Yeah.
Maybe they serve him on a roof.
Like you open up the thing and there's a little roof in there and they're all placed on there and one of them has a little pistol or something.
Dude, can we pull up a crazy thing?
Oh, it's insane.
But can we pull up a McDonald's happy meal?
It has kind of a roof in it.
That's what I'm talking about.
You know what I mean?
And they put a toy.
Bro, and Pizza Hut, you don't even want to see a Pizza Hut with the old motherfucking sombrero on it.
Yes, bro.
Put a sniper on there.
Bro, and when Papa John said that word, they should have done a different specialty.
And Papa John's, you should, when you open one of the boxes every day, this is how they do it.
One magical box.
It has one of those voice things in it that when you open it cards.
Yes.
It says the N-word.
And if you get that pizza, you get it free.
Isn't that interesting?
No reward.
It's so fucked up.
It's so bad.
But then you get a reward.
You're like, this is Loki Willy Wonka.
Yeah.
All people want is a little bit of something extra.
They want a little bit of prize.
You know, I'm, you know, the Epstein files are out, but I'm excited for the Wonka files.
Player Picks, Team Picks, Culture Picks00:03:08
Oh, I think some weird shit was going down at Willy Wonka.
With Galorus Glunt or whatever.
Turning bitches into blueberries.
It's literally old children and little people running around.
Like, I feel like we're getting into some weird files that are going to drop soon.
The Wonka, the Wonka tapes.
What?
The Wonka tapes.
Trevor Wonka.
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Was there any, well, you look that up?
Was there any sexual accusations or allegations during Willy Wonka?
Let's look that up.
But do the OG one, not the Timmy Chalamet one.
I'm just wondering, investigating sexual accusations during the taping of any Willy Wonka film.
Child labor laws.
Yeah, for sure.
They're throwing bitches in a fondue pot.
Mentioned rejecting Michael Jackson for Wonka Dude to prioritize him.
Oh, Michael Jackson was going to be in Wonka?
Trillian Chocolate Factory.
All right.
That was the worst joke I've ever said.
We'll take it out.
But dude, I guess like, yeah, going back to it, what do you think?
Do you think there should be an age law for sex work?
Yeah.
I do think 25 kind of makes sense.
I think about what I was doing from 18 to 22.
I mean, I was just in college.
I was making the worst decisions of my entire life.
Like, at one point, I smoked weed out of a light bulb, like literally the base of a light bulb.
And like that same guy could have been like, fuck it, here's my dick.
Right.
Because that has tungsten in it, too.
It could be real dangerous, probably inhaling tungsten.
Yeah, I mean, might as well smoke meth at that point.
But I broke a light bulb and used the bottom of it as a bowl for weed.
So that's, I mean, I didn't even use the glass.
That's crack neighbor behavior, dude.
Yeah, it is.
That's crack neighbor behavior.
Yeah, that's parallel of crack right there.
That's methadjacent, bro.
Method Jason sounds like a great podcast that could come out.
Methad Jason.
Holy shit.
Oh, what about Freddy versus Methad Jason, dude?
Ooh, I like that.
But, or what if the, I'm trying to think if like, because, yeah, if you had to be 25, do that, and you had to be 18 to be in the army.
But what if they came out with like an Army fans, dude?
That's the thing.
Like, I start to see like weird business mergers happening.
Like, we've had like Long John Silvers and Baskin Robbins.
Didn't they merger?
No.
Who merged?
Pizza Hut and Long John Silvers?
It's always the bitches that can't pull their own on their own.
You know what I mean?
But first of all, Long John Silvers shut it down.
Yeah.
I mean, that, I mean, investigate their taxes.
That's a drug fraud.
You thought shit was going on weird in Minnesota with the Somalis?
Let's investigate Long John Silvers.
Bro, there's no catch of the day out in fucking Midland, Texas.
The catch of the day is the felon that was working behind the fry counter.
That's the catch is when he leaves in the ankle monitor.
It goes off.
Type in Long John Silver, CEO, if you don't mind.
Oh, Long John Silvers right here.
Under companies like Yum Brands, that's what they're called.
They're creating combined locations with KFC Pizza Hutter, Taco Bell.
Yeah, that's the crazy.
I just don't like that, dude, because I don't like somebody.
You know, they're cooking fish on the grill and they're also cooking a burger.
Taco Bell does it with a bunch.
It might be Taco Bell and Pizza Hut.
You'll see those like randomly.
And then they stuff them in a gas station and it's funny.
Yeah, It's not the same.
None of that shit's the same.
But dude, I could see an Army fans, dude.
Do you see the Army fans?
I could definitely see it.
Who are they like taking down?
They're not fighting anybody.
It's just military people to show in their junk to make an extra buck, I feel like.
Or probably to fund our military.
I feel like I could just see that.
I think it's a good idea.
To fund the military, yeah.
Hold on.
Why don't we do that?
All these guys are jacked.
They work out 24-7.
They might have like a little bit of dirt or dust on their face from being at combat.
There's so many like lonely women in the Midwest, well, globally, who are like, that's hot.
Yeah.
And the chance they could do like, I don't know what I'm trying to think about.
I've been told that.
But for $6 more, you can see this whole something like that.
This bussy's getting sold.
That's what we need, dude.
It's like, lift, right, lift, right?
But it's just somebody showing their different tips.
Yes.
It's somebody.
It's a great way to fund the military.
I think.
Because everything's going bankrupt.
So you're going to have to find ways to fund things.
This is what I've been hearing.
It's like, yeah, everywhere is bankrupt, which blows my mind because it's like, what's like, we're not getting enough money.
And neither of the businesses.
So who?
I can't even think about it.
It hurts my head.
It's getting weird, dude.
Yeah.
I mean.
Everything's getting weird, bro.
This current CEO of Long John Silvers is Nate Fowler, who took over in February 2025, succeeding Blaine Shortreed, who had served as CEO since early 2021.
I see a photo of this guy.
Yeah.
That's Nate Fowler.
He's a baller.
Oh, he hoops.
Oh, he looks like a nice guy.
He looks like a nice guy.
He also looks like he's never had Long John Silvers in his entire life.
He's like, what are we serving here?
Oh, hell no.
Hell no.
Well, dude, they have that carp or whatever.
I'm like, I'm not fucking parking and getting out of my car.
Park to carp.
Yeah.
I don't know.
There's something about, I'm not getting carp through a drive-through.
I'm just not, I'm not going in there to get any carp.
Drive-through is, I think, the downfall of America.
I saw a skyline chili in Ohio with a drive-through.
I said, if you're getting chili on the road, you might as well start drinking.
You have a better chance to survive getting a DUI than eating hot spaghettios in the back of a tundra.
And we start to, sometimes we think like, oh, we're Americans.
We deserve so much.
But then when you look at what we are willing to accept just on a daily level for ourselves, and I know some people, they can't afford certain things, and I get that.
But when you're willing to just pull up with your kids and just sit there and eat chili in the car and just do gas on each other and do body gas on each other, what are you doing?
It's just come to a point.
Just because you're a Bangles fan or whatever.
You know what I'm saying?
What are we doing?
Fucking Joe Burrow playlock shit is here.
Hey, sack this.
Yeah, it's so funny how Americanized my brain.
Obviously, it's List T. Higgins and your dad just farts again.
You're like, come on, dad.
That's probably how it all starts.
That's the warm-up in the locker room.
But it's so like this format is so normal to me that if I see a place that doesn't have a drive-thru, I'll be like, off, let me look.
Like, if I'm going to Starbucks, I'm like, oh, this Starbucks doesn't have a drive-through.
Let me find a drive-through Starbucks.
Yeah.
That's a good point.
All you got to do is add a road and you up your sales.
Oh, dude, a Starbucks on some places would be so good on a nice steakhouse.
But you could wait like 40 minutes in line.
Would you put your order at the sign if it's like a busy place?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, the McRib.
They just said this.
Black folks are going to be pissed.
What's inside of McRib?
McDonald's hit with class action lawsuit claiming the sandwich doesn't contain rib meat.
Whew.
Well, TBD on that, brother.
I'm going to leave that up to my more chocolatey associates in the world because that's out of my jurisdiction, brother.
According to the complaint, the McRib is actually made from restructured pork, which combines cutches such as shoulder, heart, tripe, and scalded stomach, none of which qualify as rib meat.
That's fair.
At least it's from a pig.
I thought for sure that they were just like painting some cow different color.
But to just do that, to lie to a culture for so long saying it's ribbed.
I knew it wasn't rib.
One of my friends lives and dies by this thing, my buddy Scotty.
I'm like, he's always sending me pictures of him getting the McRib whenever it's back or whatever.
I'm like, where did it go?
It didn't fucking.
Yeah.
What did they do?
And they used to like, I mean, Bert always used to talk about that.
Bert Chrysler would always talk about how like crime would go up and the McRib was gone or whatever.
I think it did.
Yeah.
I think this is like a real American's like Groundhog Day.
Yeah.
You're like, the McRib is back.
Fine, honey.
You're getting a ring this year.
Why don't more people bet on prize picks with fucking the McRib?
Is it coming back in January?
Yeah, I don't know.
I mean, what blows my mind about fast food, I feel like I've talked about it on this podcast before.
I don't know why, but what fucks me up is, you know, the grill marks on chicken, not real grill.
It's just tattooed on.
What do you mean on chicken?
You mean on just regular chicken you buy?
Yeah, not at like at a, if you get a grilled chicken from like McDonald's, not bread, but grilled, they have like grill marks on it.
That's fake.
That's it's like literally, it's like a henna tattoo.
Grill marks on it's like a henna tattoo.
Yeah, grill marks on fast food.
Chicken are often fake, created by industrial branding machines.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
So they do that for the illusion that you're like, this was on a grill.
Oh, yeah.
But I'm going to suck.
I mean, like, if I see, I'm not questioning it.
Well, this scene, they, but I don't think it's that.
They're not doing that.
That's some guy.
That's more work.
That's Nicholas Tesla making a chicken.
But if you, if you type in like a McDonald's, no, I think it says it right there.
It's obvious, man.
But I'm sure there's a video where you like erase it.
Like, I'm pretty sure.
Have you ever wondered how frozen food companies get grill marks on chicken that clearly wasn't cooked on a grill because it came out of a factory?
Well, this is how they do it.
There are wheels that are very hot that roll directly over the chicken and leave them continuously branded with grill marks.
Now, for six more dollars, she would show you a breast or something at the end of that.
Goes to the military.
Welcome to the military.
Welcome to the Air Force, dude.
I mean, that's where the hotties are too in the military.
It's in the Air Force, bro.
What?
The hotties are in there?
Yeah.
Really?
Are people in the military allowed to have an OnlyFans?
Because I could see a merger there.
I could just see like, everything's so weird now.
I could easily see a merger there.
Well, everybody's doing collabs.
Like, if Long John Silvers and Dairy Queen are going to do something, you'd think the military would at least take on one of these websites.
And this is a perplexity.
Thank you.
No members of the U.S. military are not allowed to operate OnlyFans accounts, particularly those involving adult content due to strict regulations on outside employment and conduct.
These activities often violate ethics rules requiring prior approval.
Now, if you are losing your life or risking your life for a country, I don't know if I believe that that's fair.
Yeah, get to pop a little pee or something.
I'll tell you what, if I was in jail, the first thing I'm doing is buying one of those phones out of another dude's ass, which might be the worst convenience store ever.
I'm buying a phone out of the chicken.
Well, here's the thing: you put your money in his hand and whatever comes out of his ass is yours.
I think that's usually how that was kind of like it is very true.
Oh, dude, isn't that funny?
And it's usually the first thing out because you kind of have to give a like you don't usually have a ton of money.
He's got one item in there.
If he's got two, then that boy is into a different place.
No, I think you can tickle each guy to kind of see if you can get holy shit.
That's how you rob a human vending machine.
Yeah.
They got androids.
But I think the first thing I would do if I was in jail, because I don't know how they get internet or Wi-Fi, but like I'll see like live TikToks in jail sometimes.
Yeah, Drewski has all those guys doing that.
He's always looped in with like a lot of like, it looks kind of like boys to men, sort of like it looks like a a cappella group that went to jail.
Right.
You know, and they're all wearing shisties and shit.
And they're all in there.
You don't need the shy.
You're already in jail.
But I think I would immediately try to start an OF account.
I would be like, I'm already in jail.
I would just JO.
I would just beat my shit every night in my cell.
Oh, I don't know.
I think you get tired of that.
You want to start reading, dude.
Trust me.
Let me just tell you after a couple nights, you're going to want to a good book.
But just if I wanted to raise enough money to pay for my bail.
Oh, for sure.
If I'm in jail and I want to get out.
Yeah, no, no, no.
I hear you.
I think that's always the answer.
But if I'm in jail and I'm trying to meet my bail and I need like 50K, I don't know what the crime would be.
Type shit.
Yeah, I'm showing meat to get some bread.
And are you jerking off semi-regular or what?
Not really.
Wow.
Have you jerked off this year?
I thought you were going to say today.
I'm not gay, dude.
Have you jerked off this year?
Yeah.
But it's only when I'm like in hotels.
This is the first time I've been in a hotel.
Well, there hasn't been that much of this year.
I'm just saying.
So you're how many days in are we?
Not enough for you to win this argument.
I'm like a one-a-week guy.
You know, I'm like in trash cans.
I got to take the load out to the front yard every once in a while.
Well, here's the thing, dude.
I'll sometimes jerk off so I don't go do something else that's going to get me in trouble.
Yeah.
That's what I'll do.
It's like if I'm feeling like, man, I want to go out and meet up with like some go to a bar, meet up with some people or do something that, you know, could be more risky for me.
Sometimes I'll jerk off so I don't go do that because it'll be like, oh, you ain't doing shit, Whitey.
After I jerk off, that's kind of the voice that's in my head.
You ain't doing shit, you little wigga.
What's funny?
I had the same thought one time on a tour.
I was single, but I've never been a guy who's wanted to be like, if somebody DMs me after a show, I'm like, what's up?
You know, like, yeah.
Yeah, I say, if you don't want some of that, I mean, I'll engage sometimes, but I'm not, I'm never like, hey, send me that.
Yeah, no, that's crazy.
Send me a drawing of that cooter or whatever, you know?
Yeah, draw it on an IG story, make it a boomerang, make that shit breathe for me.
But my God, you're out there, bro.
I'm never that guy.
I don't even say that in real life.
But you know the lingo, dog.
You're in there.
Let it breathe.
Yeah.
I've been watching Drewski videos, but I remember this exact moment.
It was in like, I want to say Atlanta.
This was like a year or two ago.
But this, this girl DM me, was like trying to meet up and I'm like, I don't really do this.
But she was really attractive.
And she had them bangers and front acorns on her.
I don't know.
She's probably going on.
Yeah.
She could have been a dude for all I know.
But Shorty had that yard work on her, huh?
Front.
Yeah.
She had that reverse mullet, all top heavy, nothing in the back.
But I remember I was like, no, Trevor, don't do that.
But because there's a few messages back and forth.
And then I went to the bathroom, beat my shit, and then I was like, all right, we're good.
Yeah.
About an hour goes by and I fill back up testosterone.
I go, fuck it.
What are you doing?
And yeah, then she come over.
No.
She's too late.
Yeah.
But like, getting the seat out only buys you about an hour of time.
So, so I was like, you know what?
You don't need this.
Go jerk your shit and you're have the rest of your night and go to sleep.
Oh, for sure.
But then I was up for another hour.
All of a sudden, back to the brim.
Well, I would, you got to, you got to employ other forces, bro.
A lot of times I would jerk off.
And then if I had to go eat like, um, I would go eat like a bag of bread or something or like half a bag of bread just because I'm not going to go.
I feel like it's better to have sex than eat a bag of bread.
Well, for sure.
But I mean, also, you're creating just like somebody's coming over.
You don't know what's going to go on, how late you got to be up.
But I would eat a bunch of bread or order a bunch of rolls up to my room and either like six or seven rolls or some toasted or some toasted bread.
It's almost like you'd give yourself just to be like, I'm not going to eat a ton of bread and then go have sex.
Oh, interesting.
It's almost like you give yourself post-net regret without doing it.
Oh, I'd eat like two or three burger patties.
Just something that would like be like, oh, I'm so glutton.
Like, I'm not going to be all fat trying to have chicken.
Chicken wings are a big one.
Or I'm just not going to be all like, I don't want to be having sex and hearing the food like bang around.
Unique Cookies Memory00:08:52
What's the funniest thing you've ever eaten before having a night with somebody you've dated or a lady?
Do you ever have like a meal that comes to your mind?
No.
Really?
Like, I remember one time I went to probably good, like maybe small, like, like, like unique little cookies or something, maybe something nice.
All the appetite.
But you never had one of those.
Like, like, I have a very specific memory.
I went to a, God, there's like three really good guitarists out right now.
What is his name?
He, he's like the big, he's probably been on the show.
Strings?
Billy Strings?
Billy Strings.
I was, I was out day drinking all day, and I was eating hot dogs, day drinking with my friends, which is the straightest thing you can do.
Then I went to a meta with my dad, went to a Billy Strings concert.
Oh, he's playing next month at Bridgetown.
Wow.
Dude, he's iconic.
He's great.
He's so good live.
But I remember eating a bunch of hot dogs and chicken wings.
And then I went to Billy's Trings with my dad.
I had an edible and I went back to my place before his girl came over and I shit so hard.
Like liquid.
And I was like, all right, I'm about to shower.
And then I get a text, hey, I'm here.
Not good.
I really had to wipe down.
I had to, you know.
The craziest.
You should have taken my ass to a car wash.
Yeah, the craziest sometimes.
You're almost amazed your ass can do all of that.
Yeah.
You're like, wow, all right.
But that's growing up, man.
That really is.
Yeah.
I was just trying to think.
Like, I feel like.
But no, I've never had a crazy meal.
Have you never had chicken wings and then indulged in some lovemaking?
Oh, for sure.
Yeah, but even that's a little.
But nothing that stood out crazy.
I've never had like any like, you know, like something from India or something that came through the mail.
And then I just like, oh, let me finish off a quart and a half of this before I try and make love.
Never had like clam chatter and then been in someone else's clam with some chatter.
Come on, Deal.
You know how to look at crazy?
Bro, I have a funny ass story about you.
We did a festival together.
Oh, yeah.
Where were we?
Somewhere in Canada.
And you were in your trailer.
We're hanging out.
And it was me, you, and a couple of people.
And we're all in conversation.
In the middle of the conversation, we're in your trailer.
You walk to the bathroom.
Blow it up.
Did I?
Blow it up.
You sure?
Buddy.
You can cut this if you want, but it was like in a, it was like in a, the green room was a motorhome trailer, and the doors were thin.
And we heard, we, I mean, it sounded like you were kickstarting an F-350.
I mean, it was loud.
And then you walk right back out and you're like, all right, so what are you doing tonight?
And I don't know.
You can cut that if you want, but no, I might have had a long flight or something or who knows.
Sometimes the exchange rate on your, oh, yeah.
I mean, all the dressing track.
All the travel is the travel.
It's just like you're, it's like your things are small and big and you don't even know.
You eat two like small things on a plane and when you land, they weigh more because of your gravity.
It was that one.
It was Vancouver.
Which Vancouver does have a lot of Indian food.
So maybe you got spiked with a little bit of indie.
I don't remember what happened, dude.
It was just a funny moment.
Oh, yeah.
That's life.
That's all of us.
What are we all going to pretend like, dude, the fucking three of those people back there?
Guarantee one person back there blew a bathroom up this morning.
Yeah.
Well, people.
Give me some confirmation.
Guilty.
That's what the fuck I'm talking about.
People are shitting all the time.
That's the craziest thing.
I can't believe that there's not a report each day that tells you about it more.
Well, there's toilets now that can remember when you've gone to the bathroom and everything like that.
There's that new cat thing that if your cat goes to the bathroom, it'll let you know.
It'll send you a thing at work.
This is stupid.
I hate it.
It's called Litter Robot.
It's probably the worst app I've ever had.
My problem is these, everything.
He has cats.
I've won, but he'd be shitting.
But the thing with me is...
And you're getting updates about it?
Oh, dude, I get his bowel movements every day.
It's like when Spotify rap dropped, I'm like, I don't care who Drake is.
I don't care who your top artist is.
It's like, you want to know what day of the week my cat shit's the hardest?
It's Wednesdays, brother.
It's, it's, it's.
But the problem is every.
Do cats shit every day?
I want to say so.
I think they're like, I don't know when they do.
Maybe like nighttime or something.
But my problem with all these apps is like they, everything has an app now, but they're not being made by good, like web developers.
Yeah.
He's like, why do I got to have a, why do I have an undercase, uppercase, lowercase password for my cat to shit?
I know.
Shit fires me.
Well, I think it's hard because now with AI, like you could just set an AI thing to just try and scramble to figure out somebody's password and it could just do it infinitely.
You know, that's why that's why there's a lot of fear these days.
But yeah, dude, some of that stuff.
What was that thing he was just showing with that cat?
The litter robot.
Yeah, it shows.
I could pull it up right now.
No, I believe you, dude.
I'm sorry that you're having to go through all that.
It's just crazy that that's kind of where we are.
What's the newest thing you bought recently that fired you up?
Not much.
I haven't really bought anything.
I've been kind of looking for a house, but it's been like a slow look.
Same area.
Yeah.
Or like, same like city?
Yeah.
I want to live in the same area, same city, but it's just been kind of tough.
There's been some that have come by, but it's just like, and then it's hard to go look.
Sometimes you get caught up with work and stuff like that, but it's been good.
What kind of speech do you want to like a new house?
I just want a little more space, a little bit more like property, kind of a little bit, just a little bit more land.
Not even a ton, but just a little bit more.
Would you have a farm?
I wouldn't mind maybe getting a couple animals or something.
I know my mom would like to have some animals, so maybe I could keep some if she wanted to come out and see them sometimes.
That's cool.
I wouldn't, I mean, it would be nice to have some, a couple horses and a dog.
A couple editors out there.
Yeah, a couple editors in the barn.
Boosters, donkeys.
Some guys cutting clips in the back.
Feeding him, hey.
Shooting them prime at the bottom.
With the animals, dude.
Dude, what did I just see?
Well, of uh, what was that thing at Rogan's?
I saw this thing.
Do you see this thing at Rogan's Club where the furries showed up and were protesting him?
Really?
No.
Furries?
Yeah.
See if you can find that.
Is this real?
Protesters gather outside Joe Rogan's comedy mothership in Austin.
Rogan has died.
Alec Jones.
Never again is now.
What does that even mean?
That was Trisha Paytas' backup slogan.
Never again is what were they there for?
Does it say if you look in the comments or anything?
This looks like a silent disco.
This is the worst protest I've ever seen.
Also, it looks fun.
It does look fun.
I mean, they have a Cartman out there.
Yeah, what was that?
Discover the protests at Joe Rogan's Comedy Mothership in Austin where critics gathered to voice their opinions on the podcaster.
Well, first of all, this was on New Year's Eve.
So these motherfuckers are lonely.
Yeah, that is so.
Hey, what are you guys doing when the ball drops?
We're going to go protest the mothership.
Is that even real?
I wonder then.
I don't know.
It looks like it could have just been a party outside of there.
Yeah, I don't know.
It's two people with the sign.
How many people do you need for it to be a protest?
You know, because at one point, it's like I'm curious about the guys who preach the gospel out front of like, you know, you go down a PPG arena and they're preaching the gospel with a sign, but it's one guy.
It's like, is that a protest or is he just schizophrenic?
That's a good point.
Sometimes that's a guy that's just like soapbox kind of.
Yeah.
This says here, let me see.
It says, protesters gathered outside Comedy Mothership in Austin on New Year's Eve, 2025 to criticize Joe Rogan, the club's owner and podcaster.
They labeled him as a diet Alex Jones, comparing his views to one of the far-right figures, Alex Jones, also based in Austin.
Critics blame Rogan for dominating Austin's comedy scene since opening the club in 2023, sidelining local video venues like Cold Town Theater and Capital City Comedy Club.
Yeah, I don't know.
Oh, some of the demonstrators wore inflatable costumes like unicorns, dinosaurs, and cows.
Which is also Rogan's diet.
Plus, an Eric Cartman impersonator from South Park while holding up signs such as Never Again is Now.
Why is he talking about Yoda?
I don't get the Never Again is Now thing.
I don't know, but I think you're right when you said that it's Trisha Betas' second slogan.
It's a great idea.
I don't know, man.
That's bizarre.
Fellas, you already know what time it is.
Look at your watch.
Time to knock on wood.
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Namaste.
Hard.
What a, what a, oh, I saw your, you went to the Rams game.
Dude, I, I, I got big in football.
I, I'm, I'm, I'm locked in.
I used to be a guy like three years ago that was like, oh, you like sports?
Get a real personality, bud.
Get a hobby.
Do open eyes.
But like, I got invited to a Rams game a couple years ago, maybe like two years ago, and I just, it clicked.
And I just started, you know, it started by me just going to games.
And then it started by me like, you know, like watching the game on your phone.
Oh, yeah.
And you're like at Devorus Court and you're like just kind of watching it.
But over time, you just kind of get locked in and it's just like, now I'm all about it.
Like I don't, I don't miss a game.
I was just at the Rams game on Sunday against the Cardinals and like, now it's to the point where it affects my day.
I'm fully in.
I was, I was like in denial, but like, it's kind of like with like nicotine or something where you're like, I'm not going to get there.
Not me, not me.
I'm built different.
And then it's, you know, you have one before breakfast.
But yeah, I did the chant at the Rams game, like the Who's House channel.
Was that scary?
What was that vibes like?
You know, it was a lot of fun.
I think I was definitely more amped up.
Let's see it.
Pull it up.
But I think just performance and standing is just, this is just another gig.
Right.
You're kind of used to that part.
So the nerves aren't there.
But I guess off the acoustics, all that would be kind of scary to me.
Well, I will say it's like EDM and sports, like they just cheer at anything.
Like I did a gig opening opening lightly, I say, for Dylan Francis.
You know, Dylan?
Years ago at Hard Summer, I went up as like a fake DJ before his set, the headline set.
So when I went up, there was like a character and was like, what the fuck is up, Coachella?
And it was at a different music venue.
And like, they just cheered.
Like, they were just happy.
Like, they don't even care.
They hear somebody make a noise in a microphone.
I could have went up and went, a laqba.
And they're like, yeah.
Yeah.
So like that same kind of energy that I got from that crowd was the same I got at the Rams when I'm just like you yell who's house like you're just gonna get good feedback.
So dude, and it's nice to, it is nice to be a fan of something.
Like I became a fan of Vanderbilt.
I've been a fan of LSU and I cheer for the vols, but it's like, it's just nice to be a fan of something.
It makes you give you something to be kind of invested in.
Let's see this.
Let's see this who's house part.
Is it in here?
I can throw 40 yards.
Who's house?
So awkward just saying that.
They got a cutscene.
I look like the Seahawks logo.
Try to sneak a quick joke in there.
Oh, you do look like a Seahawks logo from the side right there.
And you had your own celebration, too.
I saw the, what was the, what was that selly that he had?
Oh, this is, this is dumb.
This is insane, dude.
Sometimes I just post something and I'm like, man, fuck it.
Because those are the ones that like, that'll either hilarious.
That'll either flop or do like whatever.
But I saw this as an insane touchdown celebration.
Yeah, it's crazy.
Dude, John Morant, can we pull up his, his buckets?
You know, John Morant?
Yeah.
For the Grizzlies.
Oh, yeah.
We're in Tennessee.
His celebrations, I can't stop talking about how, dude, they're the funniest things in the world.
The grenade?
I haven't even noticed a lot of them.
Have you seen him?
Dude, when he makes like a three, he does the grenade, throws it, and then covers his ears.
I mean, you have to get him on the pod.
The grenade covers the ears.
Oh, that is pretty clutch, bro.
Then he started doing one that's like a rocket launcher, but then he gets fined for every single one of these.
He did a rocket launcher.
So now his new one is he'll pull out a gun and then put it down like this.
He holsters it and goes like, no fines here.
Dude, it's, I like, it's so funny to me.
He doesn't give a fuck, huh?
No.
And he's getting fine, like, probably like 10 or 30K like for this, but when you're making that much, I just don't know.
He puts a gun away, holsters it, puts it down.
There we go.
And that's, and that's protecting.
There he dude.
It's just funny, man.
I think that even the players are getting scared of being over there.
So he may need that weapon when he leaves the facility.
It's kind of crazy.
The one place that should be allowed to actually have weapons in the cellis is there, I think.
Right, right, right.
Yeah, it depends on the team.
If you're on the Warriors, okay, that's enough.
Yeah.
Just tweet about it, you know, just hit up Zuck.
I mean, like, this guy's bullying me online.
But if you're in Memphis, yeah, you need at least like a bow and arrow or the RPG.
Yeah, I can't do that.
I've never been to that.
What is Memphis like?
I'm going there my tour.
Memphis is awesome, dude.
It has so much history.
It's just gotten this kind of, it's gotten like a lot of, it's got a lot of danger downtown at night and in just different areas.
And it makes it kind of a bummer because you can't go enjoy like the vibes that are there.
Graceland is really great if you get to go see Elvis' house.
Okay.
It's great.
I've heard about that.
It's great.
It's worth going to see.
And that's where, wait, hold on.
I'm really dumb.
Elvis lived in Memphis or Graceland is on the outskirts of Memphis.
Elvis, it's in Memphis and Elvis lived there.
Elvis, Memphis?
Oh, he was probably clapping BBWs.
I mean, I don't know what it was like back then, man, but I bet it was a great mix of music and sound and culture and everything.
I mean, Memphis used to be so great.
Dude, if you get to stay at the hotel downtown where they have the ducks and the ducks come in like every day at like, I think 4 p.m., the duck master brings in the ducks.
Is it a military thing?
No, it's like these ducks that come in and they swim in the pond up there.
The famous Peabody Ducks at the Peabody over.
Yeah.
The Peabody Ducks are the resident mallards at the Peabody Memphis Hotel, known for their daily march down a red carpet into the lobby fountain at 11 a.m. and back to their rooftop duck palace at 5 p.m.
The tradition began in 1933 when the hotel's general manager and a friend, after some whiskey, put their live duck decoys in the lobby fountain, delighting guests.
Hmm.
Okay.
What's crazy is ducks are called ducks because they literally duck.
Yeah.
Oh, it could be just a couple.
It could be a couple brothers named Duck.
But these are the actual ducks.
Yeah.
People come in and the duck master walks them in and the duck master live in the hotel up top.
Is he really?
Yeah.
It's a beautiful place.
And they got a great place there where they sell like replica suits that Elvis used to wear.
I got one last time that I was last time I was over there.
Oh, wow.
It's pretty cool.
Yeah, I'm excited, man.
I'm going to do a lot of places I've never been on my tour.
And Memphis is definitely one of them.
Busting on the Hood00:13:41
Oh, it's going to be good.
Yeah, there's great people there.
It's great shows.
It's just they got this, they got like, I don't know, it just gets a little bit tragic over there and kind of shooty.
That's the thing.
It gets shooty at night.
But there's a chance of precipitation from a Luger.
People popping on.
Yeah.
Well, that's on the bottom.
But yeah, that bus nut selly, dude.
That shit's nice, man.
Yeah, that's crazy.
When do you think the first person that ever busted a nut actually was?
Do you think you pull that out?
Was it Adam?
Huh?
Was it Adam?
No, Adam Lambert?
No.
Leaking Eve?
Were they even real?
Yeah.
Adam and Eve.
They had to have been.
Somebody had to see.
I mean, I don't think we should go down that road right now, but we can, but it just might take a long time.
The earliest recorded references to ejaculation in human history appear in ancient Sumerian and Egyptian myths from around 2,500 to 2400.
What were these Somalis?
These texts describe, these texts describe God creating rivers, deities, and the world through acts of masturbation and seminal omission.
I wonder how many people called out of work the next day once they found out about masturbation.
Oh, it's like in middle school when like a new video game would drop and you'd be like, be home sick the next day.
I'm like, cod dropped.
Oh, if a good game drop.
I miss it.
Dude, that shit was so nice.
Do you play any video games?
Not right now.
I haven't been playing them, man.
I wouldn't mind.
Oh, I do play.
I played Breath of the Wild and I played whatever the second one was.
I'm not sure I know that.
What was the second one?
It was on Switch.
Oh, yeah.
You a Switch guy?
Yeah, I like Switch because I can kind of keep with me on the go.
Oh, Tears of the Kingdom.
The second one was not good.
It was just too involved.
It was like, bro, I don't have time for all you had to heat everything.
It was like too many things.
Like the first one, you have to warm up your food.
It's like, okay, I'll spend a little bit of time doing that.
But this one, you had to like heat up your, like, if you wanted your thing to fly it and warm up these days.
It just was way too.
It was like, dude, what the fuck?
I have a job, you know?
Yeah.
And shouldn't you want me to have a job?
Like, how much time should you want me to spend here?
It felt like they wanted you to spend so much time there.
It felt kind of unfair.
Okay.
I'll avoid it.
So that's what I kind of felt.
It does look kind of chill, though.
When does someone's nut actually bust?
What is that about?
You know what I'm saying?
You hear about it, but what's like the exact, like, what is the actual like, what's like the NASCAR, they wave the flag to go?
Yeah.
When is that?
When is that?
When is the nut?
When does the nut actually bust?
If you can look that up.
Is it faster with the nuts being on a list also?
Oh, yeah.
But is it like, you know, like the speed of light?
Like, do you think there's something called like the speed of nut?
I mean, it's right there.
It has to be something because it's really how creation started.
I mean, they're saying right there that it's like in ancient texts that that's how like the creation of rivers and lands and and even people started.
How many miles per hour is it?
I think that would be something.
Let's learn.
A nut bust is slang for ejaculation during masturbation or sex.
It refers to the moment of orgasm when semen is released.
The phrase emerged in the 1930s with nuts meaning testicles since the 1800s.
It evolved to describing climaxing explosively.
People use it interchangeably.
And this is via perplexity.
Thank you.
People use it interchangeably with bust a nut, often in casual or explicit talk about male orgasms.
It applies specifically to masturbation in contexts like solo sessions.
What do you do you call it bust a nut or you got something fun like release the hounds?
I do that like that one two one two three release them.
Yeah, I do that yeah five six seven eight I do that chocolate stud that lady that sings at the funerals, you know?
No, who's this?
You didn't see her?
Maybe.
Oh, this is someone I love right here.
Oh, dude, I got I gotta show you a song.
You don't know this?
Speech player quick.
this is the oh i do know this i bet the other dead bodies are like type shit It's kind of good.
There's a truck going by.
That's a funeral, bro.
That's how it is.
That is like.
That's a Hall of Fame stud suit right there.
They need to hang that up somewhere in a bowling alley.
Some people thought this was Nate Robinson, dude.
What?
What?
Go free.
Release it.
I wish you'd have an end.
There you go, right there.
Yo, this really now.
Shout out to her.
What's her name as well?
Really?
She gets hired everywhere now.
She's blowing up.
Bro, she's about to get fucking triple bookings after this podcast drops.
She's blown up.
She sings.
What did she charge for this?
The release him was hard.
That was that was literally like the smoke at like a DJ set.
Oh, yeah.
That was sick, man.
Niece Robinson.
Release him.
She really popped off.
One, two, three, release him.
I wish that Heaven had a phone to call you up.
Man, that's the truth, bro.
And that's, I think, her own song, isn't it?
I heard a song last night.
It's so good.
It's about a grandma dying on Instagram Reels.
What is it?
Can you type in Miami something bazooka?
Bro, it's the funniest song.
It's so good.
It's an AI.
Yes, No, it's a real dude.
But it's getting a lot of play right now.
Let's hear it.
This shit is hard.
It might be my walkout song.
Ooh, pull up.
I love this.
Yeah.
I got to get a new one.
Or place at my funeral with the balloons.
I hope it don't die for a long time, though.
Type shit.
Kind of a buildup.
Tennessee-type shit.
Wait for it.
Rest in peace.
My granny, she got hit by a bazooka.
Yeah, I think about it every time I hit the hookah.
Imagine this was John Moran highlights.
Oh, that granny.
Oh, she good.
Oh, the hell.
Oh, she gone.
What the fuck the hell?
All right, yeah, that's all the part I heard, bro.
But recipes, my granny, she hit by a bazooka.
Honestly, if my grandma died by a bazooka, I mean, like, that's kind of a sick way to go out.
Well, there's only so many ways to go, bro.
I've always said once I die, I want my body to be shot out of a cannon into a schoolyard of kids that are playing.
They don't know I'm coming.
Really?
Right?
Shot over the fence or whatever, right?
Oh, your body or cremated?
My body, no.
Oh, nice.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
And the first kid to come up and touch my body gets everything that I have.
That's like a Mr. Beast games.
Yeah.
Or you should be like a field goal.
Like for Vanderbilt.
Like your body gets shot through the t-shirt cannon.
That's crazy.
I think it would be cool if you got put into a special thing in a t-shirt cannon and they shot you out or something.
They should do shit like that.
It's like, um, I've been preaching this for a minute.
Like, there's so many cool Jenna reveals where they do like all this stuff, but you've never seen like a viral cremation.
Like, I'm sick and tired.
Like, I've been writing a bit about it, but like, I want my ashes to get blown out of the exhaust of like a Ford F-350.
And I want to do half and half.
Top part cremated, bottom half, open casket.
Like, I want to do half and half.
Come to see that junk.
Yes, sir.
I love that.
But like, nobody's doing fun stuff with like the ashes.
It's always like, oh, let's go to Mount Rushmore.
So she can be close to an old president.
Yeah.
And I've been there and it's not that great.
They do have good ice cream, but yeah, it's not worth going all the way to drop your ashes.
I agree.
Do something.
Do something great.
Surprise people at a party.
There you go.
Do this Civil War type shit.
Dude, do you re-out of a cannon?
Here we go.
Yeah.
Where are you getting your ashes blown out?
I don't know.
It's a good question.
It's like.
Honestly, like a strip code would be far.
Just like doing it with ashes.
Let John Morant throw them out.
He would do it, dude.
He has all those famous like strip club scenes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Go back to the other thing, though.
This is good.
Ejaculation speed varies, but sources cite average speeds around 27 to 28 miles per hour.
That's like two bird scooters.
Or up to 45 kilometers per hour while sperm itself can move faster, sometimes reaching 70 kilometers an hour.
Though it slows significantly inside the female reproductive tract, women will slow anything down.
Wow.
Speeds are measured in bursts during contractions.
Damn, makeup on this.
I always think about this.
But average ejaculation around 27 to 28 miles per hour, bro.
I think, like, if it was a baseball, I feel like I could hit it.
How fast is that?
I feel like I could hit that.
Yeah, because 27 miles an hour.
Yeah, you could hit it.
Somebody threw a bunch of sperm at you, you could hit it because MLB, if you're a nice gay weirdo, you could fucking, but I'm thinking if it was a fastball, oh, I just say ball and just catch it.
That's the gayest thing.
I'm just thinking, well, this shit is already really gay.
Like, I low-key want to drive a car 27 miles an hour down the street right now, just so I can comprehend how fast that is.
Well, I will say this: if you got on the very hood, say somebody drove it 27 miles an hour, you get on the hood and you get your wiener just above the front of the hood and you bust for a like a Buick or say you go about 25 miles an hour.
Yeah, if you bust, it should kind of stay in front of you guys just a little bit.
Now, that would be pretty awesome to see.
That's something you guys should start doing, man.
You could use that to raise money for the military.
Doing that for like dude perfect, yeah, yeah, dude.
Because, dude, you're already perfect.
You're fucking shooting these bitches off of the mall.
You're shooting them off of like a burning shopping mall into like into like a children's daycare.
You just speed up and it gets all over you.
No, but you're dude, you're already perfect.
Those guys are already perfect.
Somebody tell them they're doing hook shots from like the from like from Ukraine, yeah, from Ukraine and landing them like in Russia.
Like, you're doing great, dude.
Like, yeah, it should just be called dudes done it.
They've done it.
Yeah, you've done it.
So, start doing other cool shit.
What is this?
Ma'am flips over Corvette driving at 30 miles per hour.
Okay, let's watch it.
We got people on the bus and Matt.
Oh, wow.
It sounded like it hit his legs.
Something hit.
If that's even real.
He did a flip.
That was pretty cool.
Is there an exact moment that the nut actually busts?
And does it take longer to come out with the bigger hog?
First of all, what the hell is under the manatees?
What the hell is a woodcock?
Yeah, I'll fight a woodcock.
What is that?
I don't know.
It's a good question.
We should be starting the OF in the military.
American Woodcock, homie.
Oh, yeah.
I'll race.
I'll race that thing.
Look at the fucking beer belly on that thing.
Oh, yeah.
You just laugh at the loggers.
I'll race the balls off of that little midget.
I'll race the balls off that little air twink.
Look at that thing.
Fucking serve some seed right out of my fucking wiener to that thing.
I don't know.
Dude, would you let that thing fucking reach into your wiener to get a piece of seed?
Look at that.
Look at that spout on him.
I feel like that would hurt.
But if I was under anesthesia, I guess.
What?
Like, if they were already changed.
Like, if I had to get a cornospie and they're already like doing that, you're like, I'd let him fucking just sniff in there for a second and see what's going on, bro.
It's like the canary in the coal mine.
Cognify and Prison Streams00:15:36
Yes, sir.
Well, I think he should be doing more kind of the gyno stuff.
Like the contraptions they have to use to check out the insides of a woman.
I mean, they seem so industrial.
They seem like they found it in a warehouse in like a GMC in like 1960s.
It's like a clamp.
It also feels like disrespectful to the woman with like, yeah, we just got to go and open up in there.
This is a trans am?
Yeah, like they use one of those things that they used to use to like lift your car up.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But like that's to keep a fire going, you know?
Like sometimes they'll use like an accordion, you know?
Like, I know.
It's tough.
It's definitely ridiculous.
Oh, we don't need to look at all that.
That's crazy.
Well, it's also, yeah, that bird is kind of what it's replicating.
I feel like that bird does the gynos of the nest.
That bird's a party bird.
Did you see the you saw 6ix9ine is going to the same prison as Maduro?
Did you see that?
He's in there with Luigi, Diddy, Maduro.
I don't know if that's true, but I saw it on a meme.
That's crazy.
But I guess it makes sense they keep malling the same prison.
Let me see what this 6ix9ine and Maduro arrested President Maduro and his wife.
That's crazy, right?
So it's mad thing.
So I got the call.
Looks like he's doing PR for jail.
He's like doing a podcast run to promote jail.
Somebody text me saying that they think that when they sent me to prison on Tuesday, me and Maduro is going to be in the same unit.
But do you think he's going to prison for PR?
Like, why is he even?
What is he going on?
What charges is he there for?
That's a great question.
What charges is he there for?
I wonder if he'd be a good guest whenever he gets out, you think?
Yeah.
Have you ever met him?
I never met him.
Rapper Takeshi69 has faced various charges, primarily stemming from his association with the Nine Tray Bloods.
What's he going to jail for right now?
Oh, and jail sentenced in early 2026.
Received another three-month sentence for new violations, including having cocaine and ecstasy in his Miami home and punching a man who taunted him.
Well, sometimes you got to do that.
But damn, yeah, I think it could be interesting just to see what his life is like and stuff.
They should give him like a Twitch stream from jail.
Yeah.
I feel he's on a run here.
That'd be wild.
Well, I just feel like everything is going to start merging.
They're going to have to start funding.
Like, if the government can't keep things going, everything is going to have to be started to be funded kind of privately or by people or by like, you know, so I wouldn't be surprised if you start to see like Twitch streams from jail.
I wouldn't be surprised if you start to see like the army or the military start to like have stream or have content, right?
I just think that that stuff's going to kind of grow a lot, you know?
Like I'll be on TikTok live just and they'll just pop up and there's like always, and if you're chronically online, you've seen this on TikTok, they'll just show like a bar.
Like it's just like behind the bartender and he's just working and there's just a bar.
Yeah.
For what?
And they're like monetizing that.
They're just showing security camera of places.
Yeah.
And just getting money from it.
Oh, dude, I used to watch like these like in like different funerals from different countries.
Like you could watch like Indian funerals and stuff and they'd have streams of it and like on YouTube or like just long clips of it.
Yeah.
You can just watch like it's it's it's neat to have kind of like a just like a thing you can just watch.
Just blows my mind like the effect of live.
Like if somebody was like, hey, here's a 20 minute video, I bet I don't want to watch that.
But they're like, here's a stream.
You'll end up watching 20 minutes in the blink of an eye.
Well, let's go a little bit more into that prison.
Who else was in there?
Who else has been in there?
Is there any articles on there?
Hall of Fame.
Is he in or out of jail?
He's got those Rico charges.
Hezboolah?
Yeah, doesn't he?
He has a twin sister.
You know that?
No, I didn't know this.
Hezbollah has a twin sister.
Yes, Hasbula Magomirov was arrested in his native Dagestan in May 2023 for traffic violations.
Of course.
He couldn't reach the pedals.
Yeah, what are we even talking about?
Including blocking a road and doing donuts with friends while celebrating a wedding.
Bro, put him in a Waymo and call it a day.
First of all, you have to know that if he gets into a car, just shut the road down for a couple minutes.
Unless it's a Fisher Price.
What car was he whipping in?
He was released under house arrest after being granted bail and had to wear an ankle monitor around his neck.
No way.
They just turned him into a Rottweiler.
Do you think being on a house arrest?
He later apologized for the incident stating he wasn't driving and promised it wouldn't happen again.
I love that in their country, there's such a code of honor.
You can just at least promise that it won't happen again.
That's awesome.
I mean, do you think being on a house arrest as a smaller person is like nice?
I bet it's kind of nice, especially for a busy guy like him because he gets, you know, he just gets a little bit of time to himself.
How Sharpton's locked up?
Notable inmates that have been held at MDC Brooklyn.
Oh, oh, oh, Metropolitan Detention Center in Brooklyn has gained significant notoriety for housing and an unusually high concentration of high-profile federal defendants, including Maduro, Luigi Mangion, Diddy, R. Kelly, Sam Bankman-Fried, Chap El Chapo, Michael Cohen, Ghylaine Maxwell, Martin Shkrelli, and Al Sharpton.
Wow.
Did you care Sam Bankman Fried?
Sam Bankman Fried.
I just thought it was funny that he named him like his two last names for the two things that he was.
He was like this bank man, and then he was also fried all the time.
That's right there.
So to me, it was like the most perfect.
He's in jail for, what did he do again?
He might be out now.
Sam Brankman.
He's still in there.
Was convicted and sentenced to 25 years in prison.
Wow, for orchestrating massive fraud at his crypto exchange, FTC, found guilty of seven counts, including wire fraud, conspiracy to commit fraud.
Yep, he's in there.
So he'll be in there for a while.
I feel like the NFT people are kind of like NFTs got so swept under the rug, but there was so many people who pulled massive money from that and just kind of they made like NFT like clubs and NFT like and then that all just disappears.
Yeah, and nobody talks about it.
Did you see the new, this is the new way that they're thinking that incarceration could happen?
This is with AI and technology.
This is fascinating.
See if you can find that story of the pods.
What is this?
Yes, the future of incarceration.
This is no longer about us, honestly.
I think it's too late, but it's about our generations to come.
Your children, your grandchildren, your great-grandchildren.
There is a company called Cognify.
If you Google it and watch their video and it's the future of incarceration is what it's titled.
With this Cognify system, let's say you do a crime or maybe you act out against the government or you have a belief system that is not consistent with the country that you live in and you are prosecuted for a crime by their definition.
You will then get an opportunity to choose.
Let's just use this for hypothetical, a measly petty theft.
You can spend 50 years in prison or you can go through the Cognify process, which in three minutes they will imprint memory sets.
So let's say there was someone who was even harmed by the crime that you did.
You will be able to feel the emotions of your victim, the emotions that the family members went through.
All of that.
You will be forced to have the empathy.
And you will feel like you've been imprisoned for 25 years or whatever it may be, but it's only three minutes.
Fuck that.
They need that shit for when my girlfriend comes up to me after she had her period the next day and goes, I'm so sorry about last night.
I'm on my period.
Okay, well, you need to feel what I was feeling last night for getting yelled at.
Get into the Cognify machine.
But dude, eventually if they have an at-home one, that'd be crazy.
But this is saying, this is like reverse ice bathing.
Like you sit in this and feel awful about yourself.
But this is saying that if you did a crime and if you could have, I'm guessing it's probably something you'd have to afford.
If you could afford Cognify, then you'd be able to go and serve your sentence in Cognify.
You would have all the things that would really feel like in your brain had happened.
And in five minutes, you could do 20, 20 years.
Because like one, you could pay off the guy who hits the buttons.
And then there's like, all right, here we go.
And you're like, oh, oh, ow, it's hurting.
Well, I mean, I think here it says, Cognify is a futuristic prison concept proposed by scientist Hashim al-Gai Gai.
He's the newest member of FaZe Clan, by the way.
That uses AI and brain implants to replace long sentences with brief, intense rehabilitation.
So it's almost like an EMDR, but extremely deep into your brain.
AI generated memories, artificial, vivid memories are created by AI to simulate the impact of a crime on victims.
Dude, this would be crazy.
And mates experience years of remorse and understanding in a short time, allowing for quicker release and reintegration.
I mean, it kind of makes sense because that's what you're supposed to be there for.
I just wonder how long would that stay, you know?
And what if you just go into prison for like a little while and it's just a bunch of, you don't learn anything.
It's just a bunch of dudes.
Let's run a train on you or whatever.
That'd be much more.
That's what I'm saying.
Like you use that for three minutes and now you're just limping.
Yeah, dude.
What if you get out and you're like, and then your wife lies?
She's like, Yeah, I left while you were gone.
You were gone so long.
You're like, I was gone for two songs on Spotify.
Yeah, dude.
Well, that's the interesting part.
It's like, fuck.
And your son's like, yeah, we have a new stepdad.
You're like, what?
Bro, that would be the scary thing.
Is what if they just bring you back and like, oh, yeah, man, you just got a couple of MS-13 guys got a hold of you and now you're like El Gay or whatever.
And that would be the scariest part to me.
The crazy part is like, if they're doing this in three minutes, it's like you leave your house at 10 a.m.
You're like, oh, I committed this crime.
I'm so sorry.
You come back, you're back at noon, and all of a sudden you have all the remorse for, you know, burning down an Arby's.
And now you're like, I didn't, I didn't think the fry cook was still in there.
And I like now you just have this feeling of regret the rest of your life, but you still have the rest of your life to lit like.
Yeah.
But I think it's a shortcut.
It'll be a shortcut.
And I think it'll be for people that can afford it because here's what you'll be able to do.
People will, the Arby's family, they'll have some sort of like other part of it that's like an attorney part of it where it's like, okay, you can make do right now.
You can pay restitution.
You burn down the Arby's.
You killed two, you know, a fry cook and someone in the drive-thru who refused to leave without their order, even though the place was burning down and one other counterperson.
So you can settle out of court with them all right now for $300,000.
And then it's just going to be like this fast track thing.
It's like, yeah, you're off the hook and you feel the remorse and you keep living.
So if you shoot someone, you only, would you feel that person's pain?
I think they just want you to feel the, so you would feel the pain of their family members and stuff like that.
They would have ways that they could embed that into you.
Yeah, that would fuck you up.
I mean, both of those would fuck you up for life.
But what if you do like tax fraud?
It should fuck you up.
If you kill some people at an Arby's, you should.
Right.
It should fuck you up.
Yeah, you can't be off scot-free.
So how would that work with like tax fraud?
The government's no.
That's a good point.
Maybe they wouldn't allow it for certain crimes.
Or if they were able to get the money back from you, I'm not sure.
That's a good question.
How fast would they do that?
I feel like I don't know.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
But they probably are finding ways to speed up prison sentences, but still have the same effects.
Well, it seems kind of archaic the way that we do it.
Kind of, it's like this guy's in there for 50 years, nothing ever happened.
It's like he goes through all these boards and it's never, you know.
So long.
And it's just like such a drain on the system.
It's just, I'd love to find out more about that.
Like, cause I know a lot of it is just like some kind of money laundering thing, you know?
Yeah.
Have you ever been to a prison?
I don't think I have.
I've been to a jail.
What's the difference?
I've never been to a prison.
A jail is just like a little gay ass prison.
Nobody's even getting gayed out or whatever in it.
It's just people waiting for lunch and shit.
People waiting for dick.
Jails are local short-term facilities for those awaiting trial or serving sentences.
You can't even find a gang in a jail, you know?
You can find like one dude that'll like a pen pal to another gang.
You can find one dude who might fucking slip half a Hershey's under your door at night or whatever.
But there's no long-term institution there.
Those are more for prisons.
Yeah, because they do like so many like tours.
Like when you go to different cities, we want to see like where Elvis lived or something.
Like I think they should tour jails for income.
Like I'm just curious what's going on in there.
Like I want to do an episode of Scared Straight, but like, but I just want to see what's going on.
Like, I'm just curious.
Like, if there was a jail live stream on Twitch, I'd watch every day.
It's just like, it's, you never hear about anything there.
So to watch it, it almost feels illegal.
Well, there's a lot of shows about it now that people, I mean, people are into those types of, into that type of viewing, I think, for sure, dude.
I don't know if I'd be good in jail, dude.
I wouldn't.
No.
I'd fucking hate it.
Unless my cellmate had an we could start a little band or something.
I don't think I would be that good in there.
If I had something to look forward to as like a group or whatever.
Yeah.
What would you do if you got approached by like gang members?
I'd have to join.
Yeah.
We can say you could say, let me think about it for a day or two, but they're only going to probably give you two days.
Yeah, I would treat it like I was a record label and I was a rapper.
But I'm just seeing what other offers I get.
I think I would blind myself or something.
So nobody's going to hurt a blind guy, I think.
Dude, I feel like, unfortunately, that's the number one target because you can't snitch.
So, like, what did he feel like?
Knuckles.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I don't know.
That'd be scary to me.
Because I don't know, man.
I guess, yeah, you have to join a gang.
I would probably go Mexican gang.
I feel like it might be the food might be better.
I don't know.
I don't know if black gangs are making food in there.
I don't know.
What's the worst gang to join in there?
Prison gangs in the United States.
Aryan Brotherhood, Black Gorilla Mafia, Mexican Mafia, La Nuestra Familia, Texas Syndicate.
That sounds kind of like new and novel.
All these sound like a really good NFL league.
And then the XFL.
Oh, yeah.
All versus.
If they bring the XFL back, start with these teams.
The Tennessee type shit, dude.
Put them in there.
The Tennessee Fightins.
Dude, they should have more.
They got to start putting these people into teams, doing something.
There's got to be a better way.
It's all going to happen, man.
Everything's merging.
Everything's getting weird.
Yes, it's all becoming Long John Silvers and Baskin Ramas, dude.
There's no, it's all becoming the Army fans.
It's all starting to merge.
We're going to start to see this kind of stuff a lot, you know.
But I think they should take all the inmates and like give them some athletic thing to look forward to, and then they can stream it.
It's like I would absolutely watch the Texas Syndicate versus the Puerto Ricans.
Oh, yeah.
If you had a basketball game tonight, that's what I'm saying.
It was La Nuestra Familia versus Aryan Brotherhood at 9 p.m., first one to 11, no three-pointers.
I would fucking watch that.
I feel like the ABA is only hitting threes.
They're not doing the work and the pain.
It beats the big three fucking league in a heartbeat.
I would, but, or you should put one of these leagues into the big three league.
They got to start to just diversify.
But I'm saying, like, if these guys even just play like that might bring some unity.
It's like UFC.
They talk shit before the fight.
Then after the game, they like dap up.
They're like, I'm nothing more respectful.
This guy.
I love this guy.
Maybe there could be some of that where, like, if they're playing each other, they're shit talking, sure.
But afterwards, like, hey, type shit.
Type shit.
Type shit.
And then they could stream it and you could watch it on like Rumble or wherever or Paramount Plus or something.
But like, I feel like.
Oh, yeah.
Nick Fuentes would host it probably.
I mean, I think he would probably do it.
Especially if it's on Rumble.
He's like their league guy over there.
Nardoir's Special Names00:12:01
Yeah.
I like there has got to be a way because they would also probably feel like imagine being in jail, but like every day you're training for a game on Saturday.
Like you have something to look forward to.
I agree.
That's the stars and shit.
Even though you're a murderer, you still like, yeah.
But they're threes, bitch.
Yeah.
Boom.
From downtown because shots went in downtown.
He's a killer.
Yeah.
Shots fired.
That's one of his names.
Dude, they'd have cool ass names too.
Stabby for three.
Yeah.
Ooh.
Like Bobby Lee always makes that sound.
Before we get out of here, how do you- You have a special coming up?
I'm shooting one in March.
I'm shooting a special March 17th the 14th in Arizona.
In Phoenix.
Yeah, in Phoenix.
Nice.
Super excited.
It's gonna be sick.
Phoenix is just a great comedy town.
I'm really excited.
I might go shoot my special there.
Maybe.
It's not a bad idea.
It's a great city.
It's a great city.
It's, I mean, you're out here now, but like it's so close to LA.
And I've just never some states like I'll say Ohio is a hit or miss state for me.
Sometimes like this is the best show of my life on the special.
Or you're like, cool, give me to the top of La Quinta with cement shoes.
So you're like always in between.
I am on tour right now.
I'm doing the Rhyming tomorrow.
If you want to do a spot, I would love to have you on there.
That'd be sick as fuck.
Yeah, man.
Maybe I'll pop out.
I haven't been on stage in a while.
Really?
Yeah.
Dude, I mean, the crowd would just literally nut 28 miles per hour to see you do five minutes.
But Phoenix will come out.
Phoenix.
Yeah.
And then I'm doing the Will Turn, which I opened for you at the Will Turn a couple years ago.
That's a great, great spot.
Yeah, I'm doing a bunch.
I've got to do that.
Share Tura, Cleveland.
You got a lot of good spots.
Yeah, yeah.
All California.
I'm doing Reno.
I'm doing, I'm doing a lot of places I've never done before, like Oakland, Reno, Memphis, Fresno, Bakersfield, San Luis Obispo, Sacramento.
You guys got to go see a man.
It's a great, it's just entertaining.
It's great energy, the whole set.
Yeah, dude, you're so great up there, bro.
Make sure to send me this too so I can share it on socials too whenever after today or after this episode goes up.
Oh, yeah, Please.
And your tour is called Trevor Wallace Presents Alpha Beta Male.
Alpha Beta Male.
Yeah, just because I feel like my brain is split in between being this alpha male versus like this beta male.
It's like, yeah, I find just more kind of unity between both of them.
And I feel like every decision I make has like an alpha side versus a beta side in me.
It's not like one of those like red pill, blue pill type shows, but it is just like a funny thing to be like, people, are you this?
Are you that?
I'm like, I feel like I'm kind of in between.
Yeah.
A lot of fun.
Yeah, dude.
I think it also happens as you get, as you grow up a little bit too.
It's like you kind of get two sides of it, you know?
It's like, you know, there's days when you're like, you know, yeah, it's always, it used to be like, I'll bust a nut wherever.
You know what I'm saying?
I'll bust a nut at this fucking party or whatever.
I'm like, fuck, you know?
Yeah.
You know, dude, I remember I went to a one-year-old's birthday party.
This is at a time when, like, you know, when I was dealing with sobering and relapsing, I went to a one-year-old's birthday party and ended up buying cocaine there somehow.
From the one-year-old?
From an adult.
They're like, blow out the candles.
And you hear the word blow and you're like, where?
Yeah.
I know.
Just to show you, anything can happen out there, man.
Yeah, I just feel like my brain has like, it's more so like all there's, there's a second guessing element to almost everything that I do where it's like the example I say on stage is like, I've had this sob before, like I wanted to like spit in a girl's mouth, but then another thought was like, but what if I miss?
Yeah.
But, but like, that's not how dirty talk works.
That's not like how being hot in the bed works.
It's like you just do it.
Yes.
You have to be that.
Yeah.
You have to be present.
But, but, you know, it's like, or I'm like scared to like slap a girl's ass in the bed because I'm like, sometimes you don't get the pop.
Do you get that?
Do you get the dud?
Yeah.
Sounds like you're just trying to get the dog on the couch.
And for me, I'm trying to like.
So I overthink everything.
It's so embarrassing too when you get this dud.
They hear it.
They hear it too.
Then a good person you're dating won't address it.
A bitch will be like, the fuck?
Yeah.
Or that's when you have to yell out.
That was loud, huh?
Or that's when you yell out, be like, you probably need some lotion.
It's a little dry back here.
Yeah, damn.
Or you do what like dads do when they're like moving into a house and they just start checking, like, how's this the structure?
Yeah.
They're getting a dud is, but like, but literally, that's all my thought process is.
It's like, there's a part of my brain that's like, slap ass.
But then the other parts, it's like, what if you get a dud?
Yeah, what if you miss a little?
You get a little fire.
You hit that bone.
That's a crazy.
That's a salt.
Yeah.
It's literally a salt.
Yeah, dude.
And then now you're like, how am I going to bust at 27 miles an hour now?
And then it comes out like 12 miles an hour.
It's a dude.
I'm like, I'm probably the most, one of the most in my head guys I can be.
And I just like, once I start thinking about that, like, and this is more graphic, but we're like pretty deep into the podcast.
If I start thinking, oh, no, I'm not going to be able to bust, then I can't.
Oh, it's all mental for me.
Like, if a girl even says, like, are you going to be able to?
Then it's out the window.
Because now it's all I'm thinking about.
Or if I get too hot, I got to run to the fucking sink like a little gopher.
Oh, if the AC comes on or whatever.
Oh, yeah.
Well, the AC is a little G-A-Y blowing on your back.
Well, the fan on it.
People who could come with the fan on, I thought those are Navy SEALs, dude.
Anybody who can have sex sex.
Probably Air Force.
Yeah.
I said this on stage.
Like, anybody who can have sex with a fan on is a fucking, yeah, that's Air Force, dude.
Bro, you deserve to have an OnlyFans and support our contract.
Why would you want to make the room colder to now?
Like, that's going to make things probably smaller, I'm guessing.
Oh, but it's just crazy to have just anybody who could have sex with a fan on is insane.
Literally like a cuck situation because you're like, Who's this other man in the room?
Oh, yeah, it's a ceiling fan.
Yeah, I couldn't do it.
It's a lot of pressure, dude.
I just, but I do that with everything career-wise.
I overthink everything.
I but it helps you, dude.
You're meticulous.
That's what it is.
It is.
And it keeps you where you are.
And it's like, you know, you started your career, started off so hot.
And a lot of times you see guys like that, and it's hard for them to figure it out.
You know, how long were you doing content before you got on a stand-up?
I was doing stand-up first, right?
But, but, but, oh, you were, yeah, but but like maybe, but you've still only been doing it now, like what, seven years?
10.
Oh, have you really?
Yeah.
I'm losing every no, no, you're good, man.
You're good.
I don't know why you'd know that.
Um, um, but uh, how's everything going with Busboys?
Busboys is good, dude.
We're gonna, it's gonna come out in a couple of weeks.
Uh, oh no, it's gonna come out in a couple of months.
Really?
So, I think we're gonna go into theaters.
Oh, fuck it.
And then it looks like, and we're figuring that out right now.
And then we'll probably go direct to consumer to direct to people.
Any streamer?
Oh, I guess that probably happens after you go theaters and then a body.
I see.
I think it's also you have to present to them when it's fully done and show them what it looks like, you know?
So it's been a long, it's been a learning curve.
It's been a lot.
It's been a lot of stuff.
You realize it's like, oh, this is a big undertaking.
But I realize it could be a lot easier next time.
Yeah.
And we had a lot of things that were like in the way and made things tough too.
Like the fires moved everything at the last minute by a week and just all these little things that change everything.
But learned a ton, self-financed it.
We made it ourselves, you know, and like wrote it ourselves and completely like so.
That part I think I feel really excited about.
And I think it should be, I think it's good.
I'm just, you know, you've seen it so many times.
You're like, I don't even know what's going on here.
But you're in it.
I'm in it.
I'm, dude.
I'm forget.
It's been so long.
I'm so happy that I got a tapped for that.
I watched the full thing and it's like, I think the storyline is so there.
It's like, it, it, it's, it's dumb to say, but you're like, yeah, this is a movie.
It's not like somebody who tried to make a movie.
It's like, this is a movie.
Like, this is a start to finish movie.
Yeah.
And the storyline was, I was impressed.
It was, it's, yeah, it's not groundbreaking, but it also was our first time doing it.
It was like, we had to make sure that this piece matches with this piece.
But I do think it moves quick and it was funny.
It was a lot of great cameos.
I love the cameos.
The cameos are great, man.
And it's uh, but yeah, it's like, even when I saw the trailer, Spade showed me at the uh, the improv between all of his Raya matches, but he showed me uh no, uh, no, he does, he's got him.
Uh, but even the trailer, like as dumb as this sounds, I'm like, dude, this is a movie trailer.
Yeah, like, like, like, even if I had, I don't even know, like, I could just be a random guy with a radio check and I watched him like, dude, this fucking movie looks sick.
Right.
Like, it, it, it feels everything like a movie.
So, any doubt you have, just because I know you're very much like, like, a mobile, I think a lot.
Yeah, slap the bone, you know, right.
But as an outsider perspective, like, dude, this is a fucking movie movie movie.
So, like, the fact it's going into theaters and then direct, like, I'm, I'm fired up.
I guess I feel confident about that.
Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah, dude, there it is.
There it is.
Yeah.
It was fun.
I can't even believe it all happened.
Right.
I mean, it was a crazy time in the year, and it just all happened so fast.
It was like 23 days in a row.
We shot and it was just a fucking, it was a lot, dude.
But you crushed it.
We got to do something again.
Please, man.
Let's get this out so we can make a new one, huh?
Type shit.
I know.
And that's the thing.
Like, you know, it's just, I have so many ideas that I hold on to and I shoot it for so long.
By the time I go to like post, I'm like, what the fuck even is this?
So art has like an expiration date, it feels like for the artist, but it's like once you put it out there, it's like how you felt making it.
That's that's how it should be perceived a little bit.
That, um, what is that book?
I'm blanking on his name.
It's gray book with the circles on it.
Rick Rubin.
Have you read the book?
What's it called?
He's great, though.
He has a book and it's all about just, yeah, the creative act.
Dude, I really love this book.
It's the creative act, a way of being.
I would check it out.
Have you had him on the pod?
I haven't.
He would be a great guest.
I would like to see great clips of him.
He's just his whole perception on art is like put it out.
And once it's out, like you, at one point, you love the project.
Don't let the outcome dictate how it is.
Like when you, when you started writing it, you loved it.
When you were when you were creating with your friends, you loved it.
So I apply it to a lot of videos because at one point when filming it or writing it or editing or all that, I loved it.
And then if I post it and it doesn't do well, I go, ah, fuck, the video sucked.
They go, no, no, no.
But like, I had the care for it at one point.
And it's sometimes you sit on projects for so long that you lose that care.
So it's important to kind of put those things out before it's not that you lose that care, but your life just changes.
Yeah.
And what you find funny in 2024 versus 2025 is different.
So yeah, sometimes it's tough to keep something going, but also you're right to remember, like, man, at one time I had so much faith in this and believed in this and I knew it was good, right?
Yeah.
And I still think you should.
I really do.
Thanks, bro.
Oh, I think I needed to hear something like that too.
We're looking at some last coloring scenes right now.
You should do a small screening in Nashville and just like not anybody who will just glaze, who's like, oh, fuck the like, just like literally like 30 people and just show it and just be like, what were your takeaways?
Yeah.
What'd you like?
What felt good?
What felt we probably need to do that soon.
Maybe we'll do one out in LA too, man.
Yeah, absolutely, man.
But yeah, I'm super excited for that to come out.
You got the tour right now.
We'll share those on our socials as well.
And yeah, I'll come out tomorrow night and do a set, dude.
You want to do it?
Yeah.
Fuck yeah.
Who else is on the show?
Blasteen?
Zach Townsend.
You know him?
Yeah.
Zach Townsend.
And I think John Chris is doing a set.
Dude, it's going to be Nashville's finals.
It's going to be like, they're going to take a screenshot of this and put it up next to that New York City prison post.
They had Mom Dami in that bitch.
I don't know who's up in there.
Thanks so much for coming, bro.
Dude, always.
Yeah.
Congrats on everything.
Thanks for the inspiration, dude.
Yeah.
You just always keep on going, dude.
You keep staying creative.
And it's great to see you.
I'm glad we get to catch up.
That means a lot coming from you.
Like, holy shit.
Yeah, you got no choice not to.
Just keep it gifted.
You get a gift.
So use it.
This is it.
God bless.
Thank you for having me in the gang gang.
Gang gang.
That was like a nardoir sign off.
Nardoir.
That was like a nardoir sign off.
Gang gang.
Good night, nardoir.
I'm nard.
We're nardoir.
Now I'm just floating on the breeze.
And I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
I must be cornerstone.
Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this piece of mind I found.