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Jan. 12, 2026 - This Past Weekend - Theo Von
01:52:55
#633 - Trevor Wallace

Trevor Wallace is a stand-up comedian, content creator and podcaster. You can see him live on his “Alpha Beta Male” tour happening now.  Trevor returns to talk about visiting Africa for the first time, the new trend of OnlyFans bootcamps, and why we need to investigate the Wonka tapes. Trevor Wallace: https://www.instagram.com/trevorwallace/  ------------------------------------------------ Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com ------------------------------------------------- Sponsored By: Celsius: Go to the Celsius Amazon store to check out all of their flavors. #CELSIUSBrandPartner #CELSIUSLiveFit https://amzn.to/3HbAtPJ  Prize Picks: Prize Picks: Go to https://link.prizepicks.com/LME0/THEO and use code THEO to get $50 in lineups when you play your first $5 lineup! Play Responsibly.  Tecovas: Go to http://tecovas.com/theo to get 10% off when you sign up for email and texts. Blue Chew: Visit https://BlueChew.com for 10% off your first month of BlueChew Gold with code THEO. Ryl Tea: the tea that cleaned up its act and still tastes like the good old days. Refresh yourself now at www.drinkryl.com  ------------------------------------------------- Music: “Shine” by Bishop Gunn Bishop Gunn - Shine ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: tpwproducer@gmail.com Hit the Hotline: 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: https://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 1906 Glen Echo Rd PO Box #159359 Nashville, TN 37215 ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips Shorts Channel: https://bit.ly/3ClUj8z ------------------------------------------------ Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers Producer: Trevyn https://www.instagram.com/trevyn.s/  Producer: Nick https://www.instagram.com/realnickdavis/ Producer: Andrew https://www.instagram.com/bleachmediaofficial/  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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If you missed out on any of the holiday merch, which I get it, for sure.
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And thank you so much for your support.
Today's guest is a stand-up comedian.
He's a content creator.
He has his own podcast called Stiff Socks, and his new tour is happening right now called Alpha Beta Male.
You can go check that out.
I'm grateful for his return.
Today's guest is Trevor Wallace.
That's crazy.
I'm going to start poaching.
I don't give a fuck, dude.
I've had people poach me. Mr. Beast is taking some of my guys.
Has he really?
Yeah, dude.
No way.
I'm poaching.
Mr. Beast took some of your guys.
Let's start right there.
That's why.
Mr. Beast, well, I mean, he hires just the best of the best.
And what he does is he'll kind of like, it's not him, it's like people who work under him, just finding all the best people in the industry.
And honestly, I don't blame him.
Because I've worked with some people that like the line on the resume is so strong.
Because you get them in and you're like, this is a very simple thing, this simple edit.
You can do this, right?
Mock this edit and this edit.
And they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And you get it back and you just want to be like, You know what?
Fuck it. Coloring the lines first.
Let me see that.
Spell your name alphabetically first.
Yeah, people will put trap beats and shit to your edits.
But he just takes the best of the best.
And, um, like, the people in that town, where's, Greenville?
Greensboro?
Maybe.
It's near ECU, wherever that one is.
Okay.
And they got a pirate as a mascot, which 2026, I don't know if you can do that anymore.
Greenville, North Carolina.
That's true, dude.
Nick Shirley will show up and bust all your mascots.
And honestly, after losing a leg, why would you still want to be on a ship?
That doesn't seem like a very steady place to be. There's a lot of wobbles going on there.
And I love Mr. Beast.
I'll say that.
He's a good guy.
But he's smart for just taking the best of the best.
Well, I think at a certain point you realize like— It's almost good.
It's like if you have a hot girlfriend and she gets hit on at a bar, I'm not mad.
I'm mad if nobody hits on my girlfriend.
Yeah, dude, if somebody just comes up and talks to you and you introduce me to your girlfriend and they don't even look at her again.
Oh, yeah.
Dude, I think the most disrespectful thing you can say to a guy after you show them their girlfriend would be like, oh, man, as long as you're happy.
Stop.
As long as you're happy.
Not anymore.
I'm going to take my own life.
She's free now.
Bro, I'm going to definitely go get her hair braided or get her rode up or something.
You have to do something then.
But then if somebody looks at your girlfriend three times, dude, you're like, whoa, dude.
You get two free glimpses.
It's like Monopoly.
You get two free out of jails.
You get two free glimpses.
And they better be up top glimpses.
They better, I mean, looking at her hairline.
Clavicles up. Yeah.
But it is funny that like, if you're, and I don't think this happens the older you get in life, but like when you are Well, I'll tell you.
Go on. Sciatica.
As you Get older, it's not as much, but when you start dating somebody, it's almost like your boys are like, yo, check her out.
She's hot, right?
Look at her tits.
And then those people get married eventually, and you're like, oh, I've seen your wife's tits.
Why am I even at the wedding?
I've seen them.
Yeah, I think it's wild, like, that's one of the things that I think could be wild to know is about if somebody marries, like, somebody that has, like, a lot of OnlyFans stuff out there and stuff like that, if that can be, because I don't look at OnlyFans, but I don't know.
And some of the stuff might just be photos.
I know some of it's sex, but it's all.
It's all SEX.
It's crazy.
You're like, truly, they don't go all the way.
And you do one Reddit search and they're in the dark webs.
They're going all the way?
All the way.
Oh my god.
It's crazy.
Well, I think they do it because it's like behind so many paywalls.
They're like, nobody's gonna see this.
And do they even have a shirt on or anything or nothing?
No, I don't even know if they have the AC on. It's like a sweaty place.
I don't know, man.
There's always music in the background.
It's always like Wiz Khalifa, like Young, Wild, and Free.
I don't know if this is the most.
I feel like this is a song for, like, a high school graduation.
Yeah, dude.
If you're getting kind of shanked down somewhere, I think you gotta have the AC on, I feel like.
AC on and windows down.
Or, like, the blinds down.
It's too bright in there.
Oh, yeah.
But then if—some of the dark—I will say this, having been a user of pornography— You're still off, yeah?
Uh, I've had some setbacks.
Yeah.
And what sparked that setback?
Oh, I'll tell you.
Not to trigger anything.
No, dude.
You triggered something that night.
Frustrated, lonesome, laying there, like reading, and then being like, oh, this book isn't enough.
And it's just a book.
It's like a good book.
Is that photos or no? It's like all's quiet on the western front or something.
It's like, oh, this book isn't enough to make me spray, you know?
Oh, yeah.
You're talking about that Dust Bowl?
um there are a couple scenes in uh grapes of wrath that kind of like really Well, there is a very, like, there's a scene where the mom at the end, or a woman who's breastfeeding at the end, has to breastfeed a person because, like an adult, because they just don't have anything to eat.
I've been so hungry before though.
But that's like, I mean, that's, oh, we're already on Reddit.
It's about to happen.
We're two clicks away from tits.
Yeah well, let's back out of here, because i'm already well, i'm already.
I'm looking at the Louis Ck book behind you and something about that cover, like that.
That feels like i'm gonna get a little.
Oh, this is um, but yeah dude, I think that's the kind of thing that gets me, you know.
Yeah, and if I haven't been meditating, I have a little like a moment of peace before like, I like react, mental masturbation yeah well, it's like i'm just not as reactive.
It's like I have a moment of like, okay well, what do I really want to do here, you know, because then i'll jerk off, then I feel bad, that type of thing.
But overall it's kind of I mean, it's instant, the second it leaves the body.
it's like come out, regret in. And it's like a baton. Like, it's like a handoff. It's like, Goodbye, goodnight. And then you're just sitting there with shame. How are you in hotel rooms? Are you like, after shows, are you like, okay, I can just go straight to sleep? Or are you just kind of sitting there pacing a little bit? Oh, Oh man.
I mean, I think it's a variety of stuff, you know, I think, I don't know if hotel rooms do it for me anymore, which is kind of sad because that used to be the thing.
Like you get in a nice room, you got to jerk off right when you get in there.
That's the key card.
Yeah.
It's like, Oh, I thought this thing runs on DNA.
You're just spraying on the freaking, on the, on the, on the swipe out front.
Exactly.
And then you stick the do not disturb sign on the nut, but I just feel like any room, I just, it's just not home.
So it's always going to feel awkward.
It's just like the, the AC, the AC needs to pick a lane.
It's on, then it's off.
Yeah.
It's on those.
And you're like, why are you edging me with, with AC?
The AC does feel like it's edging all the time.
It's a crazy time of year.
I think too, in the winter.
you can never get the heat right in your house or your room, whatever it is. The heat is the worst because it's like, it's blazing hot for a second and then it kind of disappears really fast. It's like, I don't know. All that stuff's kind of hectic, dude. I mean, getting through the winter, getting through these days, I kind of, I never want the year to start. That's what I realized. I do not. Really? Yes, it's like, I'm still like trying to relax and chill and the year just starts back so fast. You've been taking a break though, yeah? How you feeling? Good? Yeah, I'm feeling better for sure. Yeah,
nice. But I want to just keep doing that. And that's fine. But I think the calendar's just like, here, we're going again. I feel that. It takes me a while to calm down, and then the second I start to calm down, that's when it starts ramping back up. If you really need to enjoy a vacation, let's say you want a week off, you almost need two or three days before and two or three days after to build in and then to build up, to get out. Do you think Do you think it's tougher for people to find, like,
spouses and stuff these days because there's so much, like, date? Like, so many people, like, you've dated your friends and all that kind of stuff. Does that ever affect you, you think, at all? What's the question? Like, if you wanted to find, like, a girlfriend or something, is it tough? Because it's like, oh, man, my buddies date her. It's like, there's just so much. Oh, oh, oh, oh. In the same town? I guess it just depends on, like, the town capacity. I mean, like, where my dad grew up, it's like 5,000 people. Yeah, I mean, at that point, it's like,
you might have to run it back once or twice. You might have to date somebody you dated years back just to be like, we've hit the cycle. You know at a strip club on like a Tuesday when it's slow and then like the same dancers come out. Yeah. Every like three songs. With a new hat or whatever. Yeah, exactly. And they just put like La in front of their name. Yeah. There's Diamond now, there's La Diamond. Yeah. You're like, is this Spanish Diamond? Yeah, La Gina. So it's El Diamond. And she's next. I think it just depends on the town. Yeah, dude. I think that's why guys randomly just move though. Like,
fuck it, I'm going to Oregon. And dudes will be like, hey, is there some dude will send out like a tweet like, hey, is there some good puss out in Oregon or whatever? The craziest shit to me, some dudes will reply like, bro, no puss in Oregon, dude. Yeah, bro, and they're with a girl right there. They're with a wife. The craziest shit is the people that like, and I'm sure you've had people like this on your tour. I have a girlfriend now, so I don't do this, but like, I don't, like, there'll be guys on your tour who are like swiping in the next city. They're like meal prepping swipes. Yes. They're like,
oh i'm already in chattanooga yeah we're in san diego brother what the hell are you on yeah i've had some openers that are like that they're already in the next city and they're like oh i got a girl maybe coming through and i'm like how'd you meet her like i met her on hinge or whatever we're we're together now it's crazy yeah the the pre-swipes i don't know i mean it's it's i guess i don't know i guess it's like kind of like ordering an uber for the next day or something i don't know like there's some smart strategy behind it that's uber eats dude
dude a lot of crazy stuff what did i see that there was a one girl um trish trisha paytas paytas is running for office did you see that do you know her kids names i don't know why you would um i don't know why i do but her kids names or something can you pull that up somewhere Someone.
It's fun.
Yeah, it's uh, Elvis and Aquaman who should be in the new Jason Momoa movie Wow, Malibu Barbie yeah, Malibu Barbie, Elvis and Aquaman Moses and they're kids, so I don't want to talk shit.
But um, their names follow a theme of pop culture and iconic figures, with Aquaman being a nod to his cancer, water sign, birth month and the movie Wow.
And their fourth kid is, is Charlie Kirk No Reincarnated, but this is her right here.
So I never thought of, is this?
Is this real?
She's running for president.
She's running for office, I believe for Congress.
I never thought of myself as a political person until I started having kids and realizing like the world could be just so.
What is she eating, by the time?
Is she doing a mukbang while running for office?
That is crazy.
That's a good way to keep attention, though.
Why the fuck wasn't Biden eating goddamn overnight oats while doing his campaign?
Biden was fucking eating ideas from years ago, bro.
That guy was fucking eating his words.
Bro, can you even imagine the pain that Biden had to go through each day when they put him back up there and they're like, okay, you're going back up there?
Yeah, I feel like, and he didn't have any clue what he was doing.
He was like you've seen people.
He's like Aaron Rogers.
He's like he's still playing.
but he just wants to be on a beach on Ayahuasca. Yeah. He just wants to be away. Every day I think who would want to be president? Every day you have people yelling at you. It seems like the worst. But I just, when he went out there and they put him on that bike, they knew he couldn't do it. It's all crazy. That was the first hit from another country, was the bike. Yeah. When he fell off that bike,
Or when that bike, that was somebody, that was somebody in like north Dakota, being like, let's take them out, deflate the tires.
Yeah, let's wait, one of these pedals, it would only take a little bit.
What did?
What did she say?
What else did she say, let's see, is this serious that she's running?
And for those you don't know, Trisha Paytas is a?
Um, she's done everything.
She's uh, really just culturally well known online on youtube and Tiktok and everything, and I believe at one point she did uh.
Youtuber and influencer P-o-r-n?
Um Announcement Pleatis expressed a desire to make a difference amid horrible stuff in California in the world, calling the idea crazy but vivid from a dream she had.
She plans to run as a write-in candidate initially and then self-fund her campaign.
Her potential slogan, potential slogan is, California could be good.
Hey, that's a moderate.
I kind of that's a moderate.
Yeah, could be good.
Yeah, it's fair, could be all right.
Hey, look at that.
Could be good.
It's a fair thing to take with.
Yeah, it's like.
I feel like that's like, uh, two levels.
You know, when you go to like a hot chicken place and they have all the different levels.
Yeah and like, make America great again is the number one.
Could be good is like the starting point, like California could be good.
It's a nugget and then it's like, Texas will fuck your ass. And then it's like, Make America Great Again. Wow, that's wild. And what is some of, does she have like a policy? What is she kind of running on? Does she have any priorities, is she saying? Does she say it in that speech? What is going on? How do you even run for president? Like, where do you sign up? Well, this is Congress. And at Congress, there's a lot of Congress people, so. Is Congress like the farm league for baseball? Total of 535 members of Congress, dude. That's like the Brea Improv. Yeah. Yeah,
imagine if that fills the gray improv. I'd bomb so hard. 100 serve in the U.S. Senate and 435 serve in the House of Representatives. But can you go back to what her priority was? Can we get to that? Really dark and depressing things, But getting a fold of my mental health means being able to not only deal with my emotions and spirals and triggers.
I need to start dealing with like the world.
I'm gonna start my state and I really think my slogan for my name will just be like, California could be good okay, this is wild, but good for her.
What would your slogan be for Nashville?
Oh uh, Nashville could be quieter.
Let's get this shit hype.
Whiteys hey, I think that could be it.
And others and others yeah type shit.
Yeah, who's ready for some Tennis?
Tennessee type shit.
No, Tennessee type shit is way better than Titans.
Tennessee type.
Oh, I mean.
that's the first improvement. You should be a head coach somewhere. The Tennessee type. You're at a lot of games. You know ball. We've had a great deal of games, man. The college is great. The university. Cam Ward, shout out to him. He seems like a great kid. He's going to go far. He seems like a nice guy over there, for sure. I mean, I only met him one time, but he seems nice. Yeah, they've had a rough season over there. They're looking for a new coach right now, so I think they're in a lot of rebuilding going on over at the Titans. Totally. Well,
they should hire Trisha Paytas. Because the Titans could be good. Could be good. You're right. It's kind of the perfect motto. If she were to win office, the freaky singer, it says here, and this is The Hill, said her primary goal would be to raise the age requirement for participating in adult entertainment to 25. I think that's probably a good idea. Is that because that's when the brain is fully developed to be like, hey, should I be throwing my posts online? Yeah,
I think it's obviously up to the women, but I think having a better understanding of What you want to do before you kind of lock yourself into a video or something is probably a good idea. It is crazy. You can get fully nude on the internet before you can get a bush light. You can show bush before getting a bush light. 18,
pop it out, but you can't go to a bar. That is kind of wild. But that was like the original stance with like the war. It's like, we can fire for this country at 18, but it can't get a goddamn Coors Latte. Now, we've just rotated. Women can show puss, but they can't get a Pacifico? Well, that's what I'm running for. Yeah. Dude, yeah, you could storm the beaches of Pacifica, but you can't get one. You know, that's kind of the crazy part. Dude, the wildest maybe they'll do like a mashup,
like the army. And only fans. It'll be like army fans. Maybe they'll do like a mashup. There's kind of an army going on. There's like a war going on in the OF world right now. Like I don't know if it's like fascinating or I don't think we should draw any more attention to it but like there's some girl selling a course and everyone's kind of yelling at her. Who's selling a course? She's selling a course on like how to be like in OF. She's doing like Andrew Tate but for like popping it online. Like how to like. How to do it and do it well? I guess. Maybe it's about,
like, different positions or something. I think it's, like, how to, like, market, like, if you want to be an OF girl, this is how you would run it. And it's a course. Like, with any of these guys, like, Andrew Elliott. Andrew Elliott? No. Andy Elliott. It's just a course that they're selling for $6,000, and now other girls who do that are like, hey, why don't you just give this out for free? Like, why don't, why are you stopping a piece of shit? Like, this course is not good. Like, the course is just getting ripped apart. I don't know if it's interesting or not. I don't know. I mean, it's up to girls, right? It's their bodies. It's their choices about it. Like,
but I do think 18 is kind of young. It's very young. We had a lady on named Layla McElwain, and she talked about a lot of pornography that's online. It's not consensual. So a lot, there was like a lot of lawsuits that made,
that made Like Pornhub and some of these other sites take down non-consensual sex. So it was sex that had been recorded but nobody ever signed off and said okay, yes, I'm okay with you putting that up. Right? So OnlyFans, Camellia, Arajow, faces backlash for $5,000 course. People saying it's a scam. I mean, people make courses for everything. It's like,
if you go and buy this then that's your choice. Do I think it's probably the best thing to be kind of marketing? I don't know. I'm not a woman, I don't know if but I think, I don't know would I want my daughter probably doing that if she's like I don't know,
I'll tell you this it'd be nicer if somebody's 25 and they're able to make that choice probably. Yeah, I think it's just anytime people spend money on something there's a sense of entitlement where it's like if you pay a premium, you're expecting a premium return, and then if you log on to it or you buy it and it's just a shit course,
then you're instantly mad, so A lot of those courses are pretty mid though Remember all those ones during COVID on Facebook, they were like It was like the, like everybody was putting a course up, it felt like. Yeah, I mean, I did one at one point too. You did? Early, early, early on social media. What was it? During the pandemic, it was just like. Just out of faith and drive by somebody? Blow O's and blow loads. That's what it was called. O's and loads. No, it was just like during the pandemic. And I was literally like, I'm just such a workhorse. And I like, if I'm not doing anything, I like,
I just feel guilt. I feel like I need to be doing something. And during the pandemic, I was like, what if I did like a, just here's everything I do Video ideas when it comes to creating ideas to editing it. Did you feel good about it? I felt like it was true to me. I don't know. Which is cool because now I have multiple friends who I watch and admire online and years later we're like, Yo Loki, we took your class.
Like thank you for teaching us.
Like hey man, what the fuck dude, actually I took.
I'm hanging out with students.
I took a comedy class when I started.
Yeah, so I yeah, you're right.
It's like what's the real difference?
It's it's it's not up anymore or I don't think you can buy it anymore, but like it was just um, at the time it was a one-time purchase, 125 dollars, which that's fair.
Yeah, I mean, it's like you're a workhorse though, dude.
You love your work.
You're locked in, you know.
Um yeah, I haven't done those in a while, but yeah well, I get this it was.
It was broken down into chapters, it was like five hours totals of stuff and it was just me saying I mean, i'm sure parts of it were like maybe boring, but I think if you watch the whole thing, I really break it down like that's what's been.
The hardest thing for me is like hiring additional help is like.
I am so locked in on like exactly what I want, what i'm looking for, and then I tell it to somebody and then they don't do it.
I'm like no, it was this like mock of this example here and it just you have to do it yourself in the end, and that takes a ton of time the.
that's the same way I'm with edits. It's like, I got to stay up and go watch through the edits. It's like, I just got to make sure I'm very meticulous. It's hard for somebody to get your like exact ways down, you know? It's just tough. Which is hard, because it's like, if you do it, then they don't learn, but sometimes, just whether it's a deadline or something, I'll be like, here, just let me over the shoulder, I'm like, move this, do this, I'll do it myself, and be like, you get it? And they're like, yeah, but I'm not, like, teaching them, so. I don't know, nobody told you, like, getting into comedy, now you have to be, like, an employer, like, you have to be, like, a boss. Oh,
that's the worst. Yeah. You guys hear that back there? It's the fucking worst. Make his life better. No, they do, I'm the problem, I feel like, usually it's like. You know, because nobody knows what you want and you don't even know, like, it's so hard to explain yourself, you know. Ugh. Yeah. But it is crazy from going to somebody who just wanted to kind of rest all day and, like, barely made it to the show sometimes. Dude, I remember one time I was drunk, I peed on my phone or whatever, and I couldn't even fucking get a hold of, like,
the people to come and get me for the show. Just, like, nightmare shit. And then to go from that to being like, oh, dang, I'm in, like, people are waiting to hear back from me about stuff. It's like, that kind of stuff's a lot. I think evolving in a place, especially if you find out that you like to work a lot, and then becoming a boss is super hard. And learning to communicate, like, I'm trying to learn to communicate better. It's been a slow climb, man. The hardest part for me is, like, if I'm not working,
then nobody's working, it feels like, which isn't true, but, like, it feels like I need to be there to, like, run ship. But if I'm not, then people are kind of like, what are we, who do I, how do I? That's why touring makes it hard. In a perfect world, Want to bring everybody.
Fuck it.
Bring your Dell, bring your pc.
You're editing on this flight and we can just all be there yeah, which is not realistic.
But I feel like comedians now work harder than they've ever worked.
When you first started like, I remember you were on last Comic Standing right, like in those days, what was kind of like your day-to-day in comedy.
Like it was just you wake up and you just had spots at night or you do another shit or yeah, you had spots at night.
Go to the gym, probably.
Just try to take care of yourself like you know.
Stay like you know.
I liked going to the gym at the time, so do that.
Do that.
I mean, I started doing like this, like crank texting thing and some weird stuff, like making some websites, oh oh yeah, like trying to look for some other comedy yeah, finding something on the internet that could like be like another, like force for me or like another thing that I could do.
I mean, I started doing like this, like crank texting thing and some weird stuff, like making some websites, oh oh yeah, like trying to look for some other.
Um, who were like the big dogs in La when, when you were uh oh, Nick Thune, Owen Benjamin yeah uh, Jane Cook was like the biggest guy right when I got there.
Yeah um, I never saw him much, but sometimes he would come by some of the rooms.
Um, who else?
Um oh uh, Steve Byrne, Adam Hunter those were like the guys that were like um, real popular at the rooms that I went to.
Um, and every now and then, like a somebody magical would come to, like a Jim Norton would come through, or like Chelsea Handler, or I think.
came in one time. But those were in the clubs. Those were just like in the tertiary rooms. You know, some of those guys, I guess, and girls that started getting into clubs. So what have you been up to in your time off? You're breaking. You're taking a couple months off now. Yeah, I mean, Stand up.
We're still doing a ton of podcasting in my head.
I go like oh, I have a week off, but that just means from touring right like we go.
Now i'm just doing the same shit, but at home.
Yeah oh, it's nice having a break from uh travel, from travel yeah, from that kind of thing.
Um, I mean, I got to go to a lot of football games.
That was fun.
I've been able to do that, like I mean, i've probably done 26 weeks a year for probably 15 years yeah, so it's like you know, it's hard to kind of plan well, it's hard to go out of town whenever you just went.
We're out of town even for work, so that was fun.
Getting to go to a lot of UH SEC football games, that was great.
I got to redo my comedy special, so we're going to retape that at some point.
nice. Have you announced that yet? Nope. Breaking news. I haven't announced it yet. Do you know where you're shooting it yet? I don't yet. We're going to start. I got to start figuring that out. Just wanted to wait until I felt like kind of excited about. Just kind of getting back on stage and I'm just like I just wanted to have some like space like just the tour It was just a lot last year was just a long year. Totally. Totally But it was great. I mean,
you know, it was good and it was just a lot You're just learning and life's changing and you're like man, this is like he's taking a second to like pause Like what's the real priority here? Yeah, and you had to get security for some stuff You know, you started realizing you're kind of freaking out when you're by yourself a little bit like things like that I mean like and that makes it kind of spooky So, I think if you took a sample size of one in seven Americans,
I would say six of them know you. Oh, no. But like seven people, just any. Like Santa Fe, New Mexico, Dayton, Ohio. I mean, those two definitely. A couple twinks, maybe. Yeah, but I think you're just so known that sometimes you don't. You're just so you, though. That, like, I don't know if you see it. I mean, obviously you see it, but, like, how the world sees you,
that's something that is always an interesting thing. It's like, you don't know how the world sees you because you only see the world. But, like, you're so well-known that you just show up, like, solo, and I'm like, this motherfucker just interviewed the Ukrainian missile crisis, and now he's just at the comedy store walking up by himself? But you want to feel like just your own space in the world, you know, and so I think that was like kind of a conflict a lot for me last year and like just knowing that, okay, well,
sometimes you just need to have somebody with you. And then I started really just feeling kind of paranoid when I was by myself. Um, but some of it was just people filming you. There's people doing stuff that started to make you kind of crazy. Like you'll just go to eat or you'll go to do something simple. Then it'd be like little things and it's okay. I'm not complaining about it. I'm just saying there's some adjustment to it and there's some psychological adjustment to it as well. And then I think like. Yeah,
things got scary last year when they shot Charlie Kirk. That probably scared everybody who even gets on a stage, I think, was probably scared, you know? Oh, dude, I was at the comedy store. I have a clip of this. I might post it. I'll show it to you, see if it's good or not. But a balloon popped on New Year's. I was at the store, and my first words, I thought I just got Kirk'd. And it got a big pop. But it's one of those things, it's like, do I post it? And then the internet's like, oh, well, now here we go with it. And I'm like, no, I think it's fine, bro. Oh, okay. I think it's like,
I mean. But then I talk about Erica and her eyesight and like, that's when it goes like a little like. I think you have to joke about it. I start thinking of things to talk about, about stuff like that. I think all that made people kind of spooked. It was like, what's going on? And then it doesn't seem like the investigation. What's really happening here? They show the kid at a Dairy Queen or something and it's like he's wearing different stuff. The biggest thing is,
I think this might have been put on by Dairy Queen. There's no way that they didn't put a bit in to some bigger picture to be like, listen, blizzards aren't doing the numbers they used to do. Like, but think about that. Any, okay, now I'm getting real conspiracy in here, but any fast food place he goes to, their sales are going to go up. People watch this and were like, yo, I low key want a blizzard right now. Yeah, for sure. If fucking Jack in the Box did this shit and he ate two tacos, bro, that's it. Well, dude,
I'm fucking sick of this planet.
Get me off this bitch Dude.
If Baskin Robbins did this, They would have 32 flavors.
They'd bring the Choco Taco back to TACO BELL.
I'd make a new flavor for them in the back Homie.
That's what I want, dude.
That's what that?
Twink fucking Dude.
If that would have happened out of BEN AND Jerry's, They would have had it.
They would have that flavor.
Quick Twink shooter Twinkle, twinkle little star.
How do they not have twink shooter, BEN AND Jerry's ice cream flavor, Dude?
That's the thing.
That's the thing.
Some of these, some of these food companies, have got to start to come out with foods that people can relate to.
Some of these food companies Have got to start to come out with foods That people can relate to.
It's like, how do they not have that The rooftop Gunner's McNugget or something You know like?
It's like, how do they not have that?
Um the, the rooftop gunners, mac nugget or something you know like or like, and it's like a little guy.
And it's like a little guy.
Yeah, maybe they serve them on a roof, like you open up the thing and there's a little roof in there and they're all placed on there and one of them has a little pistol or something.
Dude, can you, can we pull up a?
Is that crazy thing?
Oh, it's insane.
But can we pull up a Mcdonald's happy meal?
It has a kind of a roof in it.
That's what i'm talking about.
You know what I mean.
And they put a toy, that.
But the fuck, bro.
And Pizza HUT?
You don't even want to see a Pizza hut with the old, with the old motherfucking sombrero on it.
Yes bro, put a sniper on there.
And when Papa John said that word, they should have done a different specialty.
And, Papa John's, you should.
When you open one of the boxes every day.
this is how they do it. One magical box. It has one of those voice things in it that when you open it, it says the N-word. And if you get that pizza, you get it free. Isn't that interesting? No reward? It's so fucked up. It's so bad. But then you get a reward. You're like, This is low -key.
Willy Wonka.
Yeah.
All people want is a little bit of something extra.
They want a little bit of prize.
You know, the Epstein files are out, but I'm excited for the Wonka files.
I think some weird shit was going down at Willy Wonka.
With Galoris Glunt or whatever that kid's name was.
Trying to bitch us into blueberries.
It's literally all children and little people running around.
I feel like we're getting into some weird files that are going to drop soon.
The Wonka tapes.
What?
The Wonka tapes.
Trevor Wonka?
It's full knowledge now.
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point your toes west. Was there any, um, when you looked that up, was there any sexual accusations or allegations during Willy Wonka? Let's look that up. But do the OG one, not the Timothee Chalamet one. I'm just wondering, uh,
investing any sexual accusations during the taping of any Willy Wonka film? Child labor laws. Yeah, for sure. They're throwing bitches in a fondue pot. Mentioned rejecting Michael Jackson for Wonka due to prior accusations. Oh, Michael Jackson was going to be in Wonka? Charlie and Chocolate Factory. Alright, that was the worst joke I've ever said. We'll take it out. But dude, I guess like going back to it,
what do you think? Do you think there should be an age law for sex work? Yeah. I do think 25 kind of makes sense. Like I think about what I was doing from 18 to 22. I mean, I was just in college. I was making The worst decisions of my entire life. At one point, I smoked weed out of a light bulb. Literally, the base of a light bulb. And that same guy could have been like, fuck it, here's my dick. Right. Because that has tungsten in it, too. It could be real dangerous,
probably inhaling tungsten. Yeah, I mean, you might as well just smoke meth at that point. But I broke a light bulb and used the bottom of it as a bowl for weed. Yeah, I didn't even use the glass. That's crack neighbor behavior, dude. Yeah, it is. That's crack neighbor behavior. Yeah, that's parallel. of crack right there. That's meth-adjacent, bro. Meth-adjacent sounds like a great podcast that could come out. Meth-adjacent, holy shit. Oh, what about Freddy vs. Meth-adjacent, dude? Ooh, I like that. But, um, Or what if to?
I'm trying to think if like, because yeah, if you had to be 25, do that and you had to be 18 to be in the ARMY.
But what if they came out with like an army fans dude?
That's the thing like.
I start to see like weird business mergers happening, like we've had like LONG JOHN Silvers and Baskin Robbins didn't they merger?
No, who murdered Pizza HUT and UM, and LONG JOHN Silvers, it's always the, the bitches that can't pull their own on their own.
You know what I mean.
But first of all, LONG JOHN Silvers, shut it down.
Yeah, I mean that.
I mean investigate their taxes.
That's a drug fraud.
You thought shit was going on weird in Minnesota with the Somalis.
Let's investigate LONG JOHN Silvers, bro.
There's no catch of the day out in fucking Midland.
Texas. The catch of the day is the felon that was working behind the fry counter. That's the catch is when he leaves and the ankle monitor goes up. Type in Long John Silver's CEO if you don't mind. Oh, Long John Silver's right here. Under companies like Yum Brands,
that's what they're called. They own everything. Combined locations with KFC, Pizza Hut, or Taco Bell. Yeah, that's the crazy. I just don't like that, dude. Because I don't like somebody, you know they're cooking fish on the grill and they're also cooking a burger. Taco Bell does it with a bunch. It might be Taco Bell and Pizza Hut. You'll see those like randomly. And then they stuff them in a gas station and it's fucking It's not the same. None of that shit's the same. But dude,
I could see an army fans, dude. Can you see the army fans? I could definitely see it. Who are they taking down? They're not fighting anybody. It's just military people just showing their junk to make an extra buck, I feel like, or probably to fund our military.
I feel like I could just see that, you know, it's a good idea to fund the military.
Yeah.
Hold on.
Why don't we do it?
All these guys are jacked.
They work out 24 seven.
They might have like a little bit of like dirt or dust on their face from being at combat.
There's so many like lonely women in the Midwest.
Well, globally who are like, that's hot.
Yeah.
And the chance they could do like, uh, I don't know what, uh, I'm trying to think what their chance I've been told, but this, but for six more dollars, you can see this whole, yeah.
Something like that.
Like this bus he's getting sold.
That's what we need, dude.
It's like left, right, left, right.
But it's just somebody showing their different tips.
Yes.
It's somebody.
That is a great way to fund the military.
I, I, I think cause everything's going bankrupt.
So you're going to have to find ways to fund things.
This is what I've been hearing is like, yeah, everywhere is bankrupt, which blows my mind.
Cause it was like, it's what, what's like, what we're not getting enough money and it's near the businesses.
So who, I know I can't even think about it.
It hurts my head.
It's getting weird, dude.
Yeah.
I mean, everything's getting weird, bro.
The current CEO of long down servers is Nate Fowler who took over in February, 2025, succeeding Blaine short read, who had served as CEO since early 2021.
Can I see a photo of this guy?
Yeah.
That's Nate Fowler.
He's a baller.
Oh, he hoops.
Oh.
Oh, he looks like a nice guy.
He looks like a nice guy.
He also looks like he's never had Long John Silver's in his entire life.
He's like, what are we serving here?
Oh, hell no.
Hell no.
Well, dude, they have that carp or whatever.
I'm like, I'm not fucking parking and getting out of my car.
Park to carp?
Yeah.
I don't know.
There's something about, I'm not getting carp through a drive-thru.
I'm just not, I'm not going in there to get any carp.
Drive-thru is, I think, the downfall of America.
I saw a Skyline Chili in Ohio with a drive-thru.
I said, if you're getting chili on the road, you might as well start drinking.
You have a better chance to survive getting a DUI than eating hot SpaghettiOs in the back of a tundra.
And we start talking.
Sometimes we think like, oh, we're Americans.
We deserve so much.
But then when you look at what we are willing to accept just on a daily day level for ourselves.
And I know some people, they can't afford certain things.
And I get that.
But when you're willing to just pull up with your kids and just sit there and eat chili in the car and just do gas on each other and do body gas on each other.
What are you doing?
It's just come to a point.
Just because you're a Bengals fan or whatever.
You know what I'm saying?
What are we doing?
Fucking Joe Burrow play like shit.
Hey, sack this.
Yeah, it's so funny how Americanized my brain.
Catch this Tee Higgins and your dad just farts again.
You're like, come on, dad.
That's probably how it all starts.
That's the warm up in the locker room.
But it's so like.
this format is so normal to me that if I see a place that doesn't have a drive-thru, I'll be like, let me look. Like, if I'm going to a Starbucks, I'm like, oh, this Starbucks doesn't have a drive-thru. Let me find a drive-thru Starbucks. Yeah, that's a good point. All you gotta do is add a road and you up your sales. Oh, dude, a Starbucks on some places would be so good. On a nice steakhouse. But you could wait like 40 minutes in line once you put your order at the sign. If it's like a busy place. Oh, yeah. Yeah, the McRib,
they just said this. Black folks are gonna be pissed. What's inside a McRib? McDonald's hit with class action lawsuit claiming the sandwich doesn't contain rib meat. Well, TBD on that, brother. I'm gonna leave that up to my More chocolatey associates in the world because that's out of my jurisdiction, brother. According to the complaint, the McRib is actually made from restructured pork which combines cuts such as shoulder, heart, tripe,
And scalded stomach, none of which qualify as rib meat.
That's fair.
At least it's from a pig.
I thought for sure that they were just like painting some some cow a different color.
But to just do that, to lie to a culture for so long saying it's rib, I knew it wasn't rib.
One of my friends lives and dies by this thing, my buddy Scotty, i'm like.
He's always sending me pictures of him getting the McRib whenever it's back or whatever.
I'm like where did it go?
It didn't fucking.
Yeah, what did they do?
And they used to like, I mean, Bert always used to talk about that.
Bert Kreish would always talk about uh, how like crime would go up and the McRib was gone, or whatever.
I think it did.
Yeah, I think this is like a real Americans like uh, groundhog day.
Yeah, I feel like the McRib is back, fine.
honey, you're getting a ring this year. Why don't more people bet on prize picks with fucking the McRib? Is it coming back in January? Yeah, I don't know. I mean, what blows my mind about fast food, and I feel like I've talked about it on this podcast before, I don't know why, but what fucks me up is, you know, the grill marks on chicken, not real grill.
It's just a little, it's tattooed on.
What do you mean on chicken?
You mean on just regular chicken you buy?
Not, not at like at a, if you get a grilled chicken from McDonald's, not breaded, but grilled, they have like grill marks on it.
That's fake.
That's it's like literally, it's like a henna tattoo.
Grill marks on, it's like a henna tattoo.
Yeah.
Grill marks are fast food.
Chicken are often fake created by industrial branding machines.
Yeah.
Oh God.
So they do that for the illusion that you're like, this was on a grill.
Oh yeah.
But I'm a suck.
I mean, like if I see, I'm not questioning it.
Well, this scene, they, but I don't think it's that.
They're not doing that.
That's some guy.
That's more work.
That's Nicholas Tesla making a chicken.
But if you.
if type in like a McDonald's. No, I think it says it right there. It's obvious, man. But I'm sure there's a video where you like erase it. Like, I'm pretty sure. Have you ever wondered how frozen food companies get grill marks on chicken that clearly wasn't cooked on a grill because it came out of a factory? Well,
this is how they do it. There are wheels that are very hot that roll directly over the chicken and leave them continuously branded with grill marks. Now, Not for six more dollars.
She would show you a breast or something.
At the end of that goes the military.
Welcome to the military, welcome to the AIR Force, dude.
I mean, that's where the hotties are too in the military is in the AIR Force, bro.
What the hotties are in there yeah, really are.
Are people in the military allowed to have an only fans?
Because I could see a merger that I could just see.
Like everything's so weird now.
I could easily see a merger there.
Well, everybody's doing collabs like if LONG JOHN Silvers and Dairy Queen are going to do something.
You think the military would at least take on one of these websites.
And this is a perplexity, thank you no, members of the U.s military are not allowed to operate only fans accounts, particularly those involving adult content, due to strict regulations on outside employment and conduct.
particularly those involving adult content due to strict regulations on outside employment and conduct.
These activities often violate ethics rules requiring prior approval.
These activities often violate ethics rules requiring prior approval.
Now, if you are losing your life or risking your life for a country, I don't know if I believe that that's fair.
Yeah, get to pop a little pee or something.
I'll tell you what, if I was in jail, the first thing I'm doing is buying one of those phones out of another dude's ass, which might be the worst convenience store ever.
I'm buying a phone out of it.
Well, here's the thing, you put your money in his hand and whatever comes out of his ass is yours.
I think that's usually how that was kind of like, it is very true.
Isn't that funny?
And it's usually the first thing out because you kind of have to give a, like, you don't usually have a ton of money.
He's got one item in there.
If he's got two, then that boy is into a different place.
I think you can tickle each guy to kind of see if you can guess.
Holy shit.
That's how you rob a human vending machine.
Yeah.
They got androids.
But I think the first thing I'd do if I was in jail, cause I don't know how they get the internet of wifi.
but like I'll see like live. TikTok's in jail sometimes. Yeah, Drewski has all those guys doing that. He's always looped in with like a lot of like, it looks kind of like boys to men sort of like it looks like an acapella group that went to jail. Right. You know, And they're all wearing shisees and shit and they're all in there.
You don't need the shisees.
You're already in jail.
But I think I would immediately try to start an OF account.
I would be like, I'm already in jail.
Like I would just J-O.
I would just beat my shit every night in my cell.
Oh, I don't know.
I think you get tired of that.
You want to start reading, dude.
Trust me.
Let me just tell you.
After a couple nights, you're going to want to.
If I was in jail.
You're going to want to tap into a good book.
But just if I wanted to raise enough money to pay for my bail.
Oh, for sure.
If I'm in jail and I want to get out.
Yeah.
No, no, no.
I hear you.
I think that's always the answer.
But if I'm in jail and I'm trying to meet my bail and I need like 50K, I don't know what the crime would be.
Type shit.
Yeah.
I'm showing meat to get some bread. And are you jerking off semi-regular or what? Not really. Wow. Have you jerked off this year? I thought you were going to say today. No way, dude. I'm not gay,
dude. Have you jerked off this year? Yeah. But it's only when I'm in hotels. This is the first time I've been in a hotel. There hasn't been that much of this year, I'm just saying. How many days in are we? Not enough for you to win this argument. I'm like a one-a-week guy. I'm like a trash can. I gotta take the load out to the front yard every once in a while. Well, Here's the thing, dude.
I'll sometimes jerk off so I don't go do something else that's gonna get me in trouble.
Yeah.
That's what I'll do.
It's like if I'm feeling like man I want to go out and meet up with, like some, go to a bar, meet up with some people or do something that you know It could be more risky for me.
Sometimes I'll jerk off so I don't go do that, Because it'll be like all you ain't doing shit, Whitey.
After I jerk off.
That's kind of the voice that's in my head, You ain't doing shit, you little wigger.
What's funny?
I had the same thought one time on tour.
I was single, but I've never been a guy who's wanted to be like.
If somebody DMs me after a show, I'm like what's up?
You know like yeah Yeah, I stay away from that.
Yeah, you don't want some of that.
I mean, I'll engage sometimes, but I'm not, I'm never like, hey, send me that.
Yeah, no, that's crazy.
Send me a drawing of that cooter or whatever, you know?
Yeah, draw it on an IG story, make it a boomerang. Make that shit breathe for me. But, oh my God, you're out there, bro. I'm never that guy. I don't even say that in real life. But you know the lingo, dog. You're in there. Let it breathe, yeah. I've been watching Drewski videos. But I remember this exact moment. It was in, like, I want to say Atlanta. This was like a year or two ago. But this girl DMed me. I was like, you're trying to meet up. And I'm like,
I don't really do this. But she was really attractive. And she had them bangers and front acorns on her? I don't know. She's private. She had that yard work on? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She could have been a dude for all I know. Shorty had that yard work on her, huh? Yeah, she had that reverse mullet, all top heavy, nothing in the back. But I remember I was like, no, Trevor, don't do that. Because there was a few messages back and forth. And then I went. To the bathroom, beat my shit, and then I was like, alright, we're good. About an hour goes by, and I fill back up testosterone, and I go, fuck it,
what are you doing? Nuh-uh. Did she come over? No. It was too late. Yeah. But like, getting the seat out only buys you about an hour of time. So I was like, you know what, you don't need this, go jerk your shit, and have the rest of your night and go to sleep. Oh, for sure. But then I was up for another hour, all of a sudden, Back to the brim. Well, you gotta employ other forces, bro. A lot of times I would jerk off and then if I had to,
I would go eat like a bag of bread or something or like half a bag of bread just because I'm not gonna go. I feel like it's better to have sex than eat a bag of bread. Well, for sure. But I mean, also you're creating just like somebody's coming over, you don't know what's gonna go on, how late you gotta be up. But I would eat a bunch of bread or order a bunch of rolls up to my room and eat like six or seven rolls or some toasted bread. It's almost like you'd give yourself Just to be like, I'm not going to eat a ton of bread and then go have sex. Oh,
interesting. It's almost like you give yourself post-no-regret without doing it. Oh, why do you like two or three burger patties? Just something that would be like, oh, I'm so glutton. I'm not going to be all fat trying to have sex. Chicken wings are a big one. I'm just not going to be all like, I don't want to be having sex and hearing the food bang around in my stomach. What's the funniest thing you've ever eaten before having a night with somebody you've dated or a lady? Do you ever have a meal that comes to your mind? No, I don't think so, dude. Like,
I remember one time I went to a- I've had some probably good, like, maybe small, like, like, like, unique little cookies or something, maybe something nice like that. Hold the upside. But you never had one of those, like, like, I have a very specific memory. I went to a, um, God, there's like three really good guitarists out right now. What is his name? He, he's like the big, he's probably been on the show. Strings? Billy Strings? Billy Strings. I was, I was out day drinking all day and I was eating hot dogs day drinking with my friends, which is the straightest thing you can do. Then I went to a, met up with my dad,
Went to a Billy Strings concert.
Oh, he's playing next month at Bridgestone.
Wow.
Dude, he's iconic.
He's great.
He's so good live.
But I remember eating a bunch of hot dogs and chicken wings.
And then I went to Billy Strings with my dad.
I had an edible and I went back to my place before his girl came over and I shit.
So hard, like liquid and and, and I was like I'm about to shower.
And then I get a text, hey, I'm here, not good, I really had to wipe down.
I had to.
Uh, you know the craziest thing my ass or car wash.
So yeah, the craziest.
is sometimes you're almost amazed your ass can do all of that yeah you're like wow all right but that's growing up man that really is yeah i was just trying to think like i feel like uh but no i've never had a crazy meal You never like have like chicken wings and then like indulged in some, some love making.
Oh, for sure.
Yeah.
But even that's a little, but nothing that stood out crazy.
I've never had like any, like, you know, like something from India or something that came through the, through the mail.
And then I just like, Oh, let me finish off a quart and a half of this before I try and make love.
Never had like clam chowder than been in someone else's clam with some chowder.
Come on deal.
You know, I had like a crazy, bro.
I have a funny ass story about you.
Um, we did a, a, a, a festival together and Cal, Oh yeah.
Where were we somewhere in Canada?
And, uh, you, you were in your trailer, we're hanging out and, uh, it was me, you and a couple of people and we're all in conversation in the middle of the conversation.
and we're all in conversation in the middle of the conversation we're in your trailer you watch the bathroom blow it up did i blow it up you sure buddy i mean you can cut this if you want but the it was like in a it was like in a the the green room was a motorhome trailer and the doors were thin and we heard we i mean it sounded like you were kick-starting an f-350 i mean it was loud and then you walk right back out you're like all right so what are you doing tonight
We're in your trailer.
You watch the bathroom, blow it up.
Did I blow it up?
You sure?
Buddy.
wow and i don't know you can cut that if you want but no i might have a long flight or something or who knows sometimes you exchange rate on your oh yeah i mean all the travel track all the travel is the travel it's just like your it's like your things are small and big and you don't even know you eat two like small things on a plane and when you land
they weigh more because of your gravity. It was that one. Which Vancouver does have a lot of Indian food so maybe you got spiked with a little bit of Indian food. I don't even know what happened, dude. It was just a funny moment. That's life. That's all of us. What are we all going to pretend like? Dude, But the fucking three of those people back there, I guarantee one person back there blew a bathroom up this morning.
Yeah.
Can we get some confirmation?
Guilty.
That's what the fuck I'm talking about.
People are shitting all the time.
That's the craziest thing.
I can't believe that there's not a report each day that tells you about it more.
Well, there's toilets now that can remember when you've gone to the bathroom and everything like that.
There's that new cat thing that when your cat goes to the bathroom, it'll let you know.
It'll send you a thing at work while your cat does shit.
This is stupid.
I hate it.
It's called Litter Robot.
It's probably the worst app I've ever had.
My problem is he's...
You think he has cats?
I've won.
But he'd be shitting.
But the thing with me is...
And you're getting updates about it?
Oh, dude.
Dude.
I get his his, his bowel movements every day.
I get his bowel movements every day.
It's like when Spotify rap drops.
It's like when Spotify rap drops, I'm like, I don't care who Drake is.
I'm like I don't care who Drake is like, I don't care who your top artist is.
I don't care who your top artist is.
It's like you want to know what we day of the week, my cat shit's the hardest.
It's like, you want to know what day of the week my cat shit's the hardest?
It's wednesday, the brother it's it's, it's.
But the problem is everything that shit every day.
Uh I, I want to say so.
I think they're like uh, I don't know when they do, maybe like night time or something.
But my problem with all these apps is like they uh, they.
Everything has an app now, but but they're not being made by good like web developers.
Yeah, he's like what?
Why do I gotta have a?
Why do I have an undercase uppercase, lowercase password for my cat to shit?
I know shit fires me.
Well, I think it's hard because now, with AI, you could just set an AI thing to just try and scramble to figure out somebody's password, and it could just do it infinitely. That's why there's a lot of fear these days. But yeah, dude, some of that stuff. What was that thing you was just showing with that cat? The Little Robot. Yeah, It shows I could pull it up right now.
No, I believe you dude, i'm sorry you're having to go through all that.
It's just crazy that that's kind of where we are.
What's the newest thing you bought recently?
That that fired you up?
Not much.
I haven't really bought anything.
I've been kind of looking for a house, but it's been like a slow.
Look, same area yeah, we're like same.
Like city yeah, I want to live in the same area, same city.
But it's just been kind of tough.
There's been some that have come by but it's just like, and then it's hard to go.
Look, sometimes you get caught up with work and stuff like that, but it's been good.
What uh, what do you what what?
What kind of speech?
You want like a new house?
I just want a little more space, a little bit more like property, kind of a little bit.
Just a little bit more land, not even a ton.
but just a little bit more. Would you have a farm? I wouldn't mind maybe getting a couple animals or something. I know my mom would like to have some animals, so maybe I could keep some if she wanted to come out and see them sometimes. That's cool. I mean, it would be nice to have a couple horses and a dog. A couple editors out there. Yeah, A couple editors in the barn.
A couple roosters, donkeys, some guys cutting clips in the back.
Feeding them hay.
Feeding them prime energy.
With the animals, dude.
Dude, what did I just see of?
What was that thing at Rogan's?
I saw this thing.
Do you see this thing at Rogan's CLUB, where the furries showed up and were protesting them?
Really?
No.
Furries?
Yeah.
See if you can find that.
Is this real?
Protesters gather outside Joe Rogan's comedy mothership in Austin.
Rogan has died.
Alec Jones.
Never again is now.
What does that even mean?
That was Trisha Paytas' backup slogan.
What were they there for?
Does it say?
If you look in the comments or anything?
This looks like a silent disco.
This is the worst protest I've ever seen.
Also, it looks fun. It does look fun. I mean, they have a Cartman out there. Yeah, what was that? Discover the Protest at Joe Rogan's County Mothership in Austin, where critics gathered to voice their opinions on the podcaster. Well, first of all, this was on New Year's Eve, so these motherfuckers are lonely. Yeah, that is so sad. Hey, what are you guys doing when the ball drops? We're going to go protest the mothership? Is that even real, I wonder, then? I don't know. It looks like it could have just been a party outside of there. Yeah,
I don't know. There's two people with a sign. How many people do you need for it to be a protest, you know? Because at one point, it's, like, I'm curious about the guys who preach the gospel out front of, like, you know, you go down to PPG Arena, and they're preaching the gospel with a sign, but it's one guy. Like, is that a protest,
or is he? Just schizophrenic. That's a good point. Sometimes that's a guy who's just like Soapbox, kind of. This says here, let me see, it says, Protesters gathered outside Comedy Mothership in Austin on New Year's Eve 2025 to criticize Joe Rogan, the club's owner and podcaster. They labeled him as a diet Alex Jones,
comparing his views to one of the far-right figure Alex Jones, also based in Austin. Critics blame Rogan for dominating Austin's comedy scene since opening the club in 2023, sidelining local venues like Cold Town Theater and Capital City Comedy Club. Yeah,
I don't know. Oh, some of the demonstrators wore inflatable costumes like unicorns, dinosaurs, and cows. Which is also Rogan's diet. Plus an Eric Cartman impersonator from South Park while holding up signs such as Never Again Is Now. Why is he talking about Yoda? I don't get the Never Again Is Now thing. I don't know, But I think you're right when you said that it's Trisha Bates' second slogan.
It's a great idea.
I don't know, man.
That's bizarre.
Fellas, you already know what time it is.
Look at your watch.
Time to knock on wood.
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Namaste.
Hard.
What?
uh, what, oh, I saw your, you went to the Rams game. You did. I got big in football. I'm locked in. I used to be a guy like three years ago. That was like, oh, you like sports? Get a real personality, bud. Get a hobby. Do open nights. But like,
I got invited to Rams game a couple years ago, maybe like two years ago. And I just, it clicked. And I just started, you know, it started by me just going to games. And then it started by me, like, you know, like, watching the game on your phone. Oh, yeah. And you're, like, at divorce court, and you're, like, just kind of watching it. But over time, you just kind of get locked in, and it's just, like, now I'm all about it. Like, I don't miss a game. I was just at the Rams game on Sunday against the Cardinals, and, like, now it's to the point where it affects my day. I'm fully in. I was in denial,
But like it's kind of like with like nicotine or something, where you're like i'm not gonna get, not me, not me, i'm built different and then it's, you know shit, you have one before breakfast.
But yeah, I did the chant at the RAMS game, like the Who's House chant.
They was that scary.
What happened, what was that?
Vibes, like you know, it was a lot of fun, I think.
Um, I was definitely more amped up.
Let's see it pull it up.
But I think just performance and standing is just.
This is just another gig right, you're kind of used to that part, so the nerves aren't there.
But I guess, off the acoustics, all that would be kind of scary.
Well, I will say it's like Edm and Sports, like they just cheered, anything like I did a gig opening, opening lightly, I say, for Dylan Francis. You know Dylan? Years ago at Hard Summer, I went up as like a fake DJ before his set, the headlining set. Oh, that's a great idea. So when I went up there, I was like a character and was like, what the fuck is up, Coachella? And it was at a different music venue. And like, they just cheered. Like,
they were just happy. Like, they don't even care. They hear somebody make a noise in a mic. I could have went up and went, a la Ackbar! And they're like, yeah! Yeah. So like, that same kind of energy that I got from that crowd was the same I got at the Rams when I'm just like, you yell whose house? You go, Rams!
Like.
You're just going to get good feedback.
It is nice to be a fan of something.
I became a fan of Vanderbilt.
I've been a fan of LSU.
I cheer for the VOLS.
It's just nice to be a fan of something.
It gives you something to be invested in.
Let's see this.
Let's see this Who's House part.
Is it in here?
I can throw 40 yards.
Who's House.
It's so awkward just seeing it.
They've got to cut to it.
I look like the Seahawks logo.
I'm going to try to sneak a quick joke in there.
Oh, you do look like Seahawk's logo from the side right there.
And you had your own celebration too.
I saw the, what was the, what was that celly that he had?
Oh, this is dumb. This is insane, dude. Sometimes I just post something and I'm like, man, fuck it. Because those are the ones that either flop or do whatever. That's an insane touchdown celebration. Dude,
Ja Morant. Can we pull up his buckets? You know Ja Morant? For the Grizzlies? Oh, yeah. We're in Tennessee. His celebrations. I can't stop talking about how, dude, they're the funniest things in the world. The grenade? I haven't even noticed a lot of them. Have you seen them? Dude, when he makes like a three, he does the grenade. He throws it and then covers his ears. I mean, you have to get him on the pod. The grenade covers the ears. That is pretty clutch,
bro. And then he started doing one that's like a rocket launcher. But then he gets fined for every single one of these. He did a rocket launcher. So now his new one is, he'll pull out a gun and then put it down like this. He holds it and goes, like, no fines here. Dude, it's so funny to me. He doesn't give a fuck, huh? No. And he's going to find probably like $10,000 or $30,000 for this. But when you're making that much, I just don't know. He puts a gun away, holsters it,
puts it down. There we go. And that's protecting gun violence. That's legendary, dude. It's just funny, man. I think that even the players are getting scared of being over there. So he may need that weapon when he leaves a facility. It's kind of crazy. The one place that should be allowed to actually have weapons in the cellies is there. Right, Right, right.
Yeah, it depends on the team.
If you're on the Warriors okay, that's enough.
Yeah, what do you just tweet about it?
You know, just hit up Zuck and be like this guy's bullying me online.
But if you're in Memphis yeah, you need at least like a bow and arrow or the Rpg.
Yeah, i've never been.
What is Memphis like?
I'm going on my tour.
Memphis is awesome, dude.
It has so much history.
It's just gotten this kind of.
It's gotten like a lot of.
It's got a lot of danger downtown at night and in just different areas and it makes it kind of a bummer because you can't go enjoy like the vibes that are there.
Graceland is really great.
If you get to go see Elvis's house okay, it's great.
I've heard about that.
It's great.
It's worth going to see.
That's where wait, hold on, i'm really dumb.
Elvis lived in Memphis or Graceland is on the outskirts of Memphis.
Elvis, it's in Memphis and Elvis lived there.
Elvis in Memphis oh, he was probably clapping bbws, I mean, I don't know what it was like back, damn it.
but I bet it was a great mix of music and sound and culture and everything. I mean, Memphis used to be so great. Dude, if you get to stay at the hotel downtown where they have the ducks and the ducks come in, like, every day at, like, I think 4 p.m., the duck master brings in the ducks. Is this a military thing? No, it's like these ducks that come in and they swim in the pond up there. The famous Peabody Ducks at the Peabody Hotel. No,
I've never heard of this. Yeah. The Peabody Ducks are the resident mallards at the Peabody Memphis Hotel, known for their daily march down a red carpet into the lobby fountain at 11 a.m. and back to their rooftop duck. Palace at 5 p.m. The tradition began in 1933 when the hotel's general manager and a friend,
after some whiskey, put their live duck decoys in the lobby fountain delighting guests. Hmm. Okay. What's crazy is ducks are called ducks because they literally duck. Yeah. Oh, it could be just a couple brothers named Duck. But these are the actual ducks. Yeah, people come in and the duck master walks them in and the duck master live in the hotel up top. It's you, really? Yeah. It's a beautiful place, and they got a great place there where they sell, like,
replica suits that Elvis used to wear. I got one last time I was over there. Oh, wow. It was pretty cool. Yeah, I'm excited, man. I'm going to do a lot of places I've never been on my tour, and Memphis is definitely one of them. Oh, it's going to be good. Yeah, there's great people there. It's great shows. It's just they got this, they got, like, I don't know,
It just gets a little bit tragic over there And kind of shooty That's the thing It gets shooty at night But there's a chance of precipitation Yeah From a Luger People popping off People don't use Lugers anymore Yeah Well that's unfortunate But yeah that bust nut Sully dude That shit's nice man Yeah that's crazy When do you think the first person That ever busted a nut actually was Do you think Can you pull that up Wasn't it Adam?
Huh?
Was it Adam?
No Adam Lambert?
No Like and Eve Or are they even real?
Yeah Adam and Eve They had to have been Somebody had to sell it I mean I don't think We should go down that road right now But we can But it just might take a long time The earliest recorded references To ejaculation in human history Appear in ancient Sumerian And Egyptian myths From around 2500 to 2400 It was the Somalis These texts describe These texts describe God creating rivers
deities, and the world through acts of masturbation and seminal omission. I wonder how many people called out of work the next day once they found out about masturbation. It's like in middle school when a new video game would drop and you'd be home sick the next day when COD dropped. Oh,
if a good game dropped. Man, I miss it. Dude, that shit was so nice, bro. You play any video games? Not right now. I haven't been playing them, man. I wouldn't mind. Oh, I do play Breath of the Wild and I played whatever the second one was. I'm not sure I know that. What was the second one? It was on Switch. Oh, Oh yeah.
You switch guy.
Yeah.
I like switch.
Cause I can kind of keep with me on the go.
Oh, uh, tears of the kingdom.
The second one was not good.
It was just too involved.
It was like, bro, I don't have time for it.
You had to like heat everything.
It was like too many things.
Like the first thing you have to warm up your food.
It's like, okay, I'll spend a little bit of time doing that.
But this one, you had to like heat up your, um, like if you wanted your thing to fly it and warm up these days, it just was way too.
It was like, dude, what the fuck?
I have a job, you know?
Yeah.
And shouldn't you want me to have a job?
Like how much time would you want me to spend here?
It felt like they wanted you to spend so much time there.
It felt kind of unfair.
Okay.
I'll, I'll avoid it.
So that's what I kind of felt.
Those are kind of chill though.
the flying. When does someone's nut actually bust? What is that about? You know what I'm saying? You hear about it, but what's like the exact, like, what is the actual, like, what's like the NASCAR, they wave the flag to go? Yeah. When is that? When is the nut actually busted, if you can look that up? Is it faster than the speed? Without us being on a list,
also. Is it like the speed of light? Do you think there's something called the speed of nut? I mean, it's right there. It has to be something. Because it's really how creation started. I mean, They're saying right there that it's like in ancient texts, that that's how the creation of rivers and lands and even people started.
How many miles per hour is it?
I think that'd be something.
Let's learn.
A nut bust is slang for ejaculation during masturbation or sex.
It refers to the moment of orgasm when semen is released.
The phrase emerged in the 1930s, with nuts meaning testicles.
Since the 1800s.
It evolved to describing climaxing explosively.
People use it interchangeably and this is via perplexity, thank you.
People use it interchangeably with bust a nut, often in casual Or explicit talk about male orgasms.
It applies specifically to masturbation in context, like solo sessions.
Do you call it bust a nut or you got something fun like release the hounds?
I'd do that like that one, Two, one, two, three, release them.
I do that.
I do that.
Five, six, seven, eight.
I do that chocolate stud, that lady that sings at the funerals, you know?
No, who's this?
You didn't see her?
Maybe.
Oh, this is someone I love right here.
Oh, dude, I got to show you this song.
You don't know this?
Speaking of grammar.
Play her real quick.
This has been.
Oh, I do know this.
I bet the other dead bodies are like type shit.
type shit.
This is kind of good.
This is kind of good.
There's a truck going by.
Truck going by.
That's a funeral, bro.
That's how it is.
That is like...
That's a Hall of Fame stud suit right there.
They need to hang that up somewhere in a bowling alley.
Some people thought this was Nate Robinson, dude.
There you go, right there.
Yo!
She gets hired everywhere now.
Shout out to her.
What's her name as well?
Really?
She gets hired everywhere now.
Bro, she's about to get the fucking triple bookings after this podcast drops.
She's blown up.
She sings.
What did she charge for this?
The release song was hard.
That was literally the smoke at a DJ set.
God.
yeah. That was sick, man. Niecy Robinson. Release them. She really popped off. One, two, three, release them. I wish that heaven had a phone to call you up. Man, that's the truth, bro. And that's, I think, her own song, isn't it? Bro,
I heard a song last night. It's so good. It's about a grandma dying on Instagram Reels. What is it? Can you type in Miami something bazooka? Bro, it's the funniest song. It's so good. It's an AI song? Yes, yes, yes. No, it's a real dude. But it's getting a lot of play right now. Let's hear it. This shit is hard. It might be my walkout song. Ooh, pull up. I love this. Yeah. Or a place at my funeral with the balloons. I hope I don't die for a long time,
Though.
Kind of a build -up.
Tennessee type shit.
Wait for it.
Rest in peace, my granny.
She got hit by a bazooka.
Yeah, I think about it every time I hit the hookah.
Imagine this with John Moran highlights.
damn. Oh, she gone. Alright, yeah, that's all the part I heard. But recipes, my grandchild, hit by a bazooka. Honestly, if my grandma died by a bazooka, I mean, that's kind of a sick way to go out. Well, there's only so many ways to go, bro. I've always said once I die, I want my body to be shot out of a cannon into a schoolyard of kids that are playing. They don't know I'm coming. Really? Right? Shot over the fence or whatever, right? Oh, your body or the cremated? Yeah, my body, no. Oh, nice. Yeah, yeah,
And the first kid to come up and touch my body gets everything that I have.
That's like a Mr. Beast games.
Yeah.
Or you should be like a field goal, like for Vanderbilt, like your body gets shot through the t-shirt cannon.
I think it would be cool if you got put into a special thing in a t-shirt cannon and they shot you out or something.
They should do shit like that.
It's like, um, I've been preaching this for a minute.
Like there's so many cool agenda reveals where they do like all this stuff, but you never seen like a viral cremation.
Like I'm sick and tired.
Like I I've been writing a bit about it, but like I want my ashes to get blown out of the exhaust of like a Ford F-350.
And I want to do half and half.
Top part cremated, bottom half, open casket.
Like I want to do half and half.
Come see that jump.
Yes, sir.
I love that.
But like nobody's doing fun stuff with like the ashes.
It's always like, let's go to Mount Rushmore.
So she can be close to an old president.
Yeah.
And I've been there and it's not that great.
They do have good ice cream.
but yeah, it's not worth going all the way to drop your ashes. I agree. Do something great. Surprise people at a party. There you go. Do this Civil War type shit. Shoot me out of a cannon. Here we go. Where are you getting your ashes blown out? I don't know. It's a good question. Honestly,
like a strip club would be far. Just like doing it with ashes. Let John Morant throw them out. He would do it, dude. He has all those famous strip club scenes. Go back to the other thing, though. This is good. Ejaculation speed varies, but sources cite average speeds around 27 to 28 miles per hour. That's like two bird scooters. Or up to 45 kilometers per hour, while sperm itself can move faster,
Sometimes reaching 70 kilometers an hour, though it slows significantly inside the female reproductive tract.
Women will slow anything down.
Yeah, speeds are measured in bursts during contractions with a damn makeup.
I always think about this like, but average ejaculation around 27 to 28 miles per hour, bro.
I think I like, if it was a baseball, I feel like I could hit it.
How fast is that?
I feel like I could hit that.
Yeah, because 27 miles an hour yeah, you could hit it if somebody Mlb, if you're a complete gay weirdo, you could fucking.
But i'm thinking if it was a fastball oh, I just say ball and just catch it.
That's the case.
I was just thinking, well, this shit is already really gay.
Like I low-key, want to like drive a car 27 miles an hour down the street right now, just so I can comprehend how fast it is.
Well, I will say this, if you got on the very hood say, somebody drove it 27 miles an hour, you get on the hood and you get your wiener just above the front of the hood.
and you bust for a- Like a Buick? Or say you go about 25 miles an hour. If you bust, it should kind of stay in front of you guys just a little bit. Now that would be pretty awesome to see. That's something you guys should start doing, Man, you could use that to raise money for the military.
Doing that for like dude perfect yeah yeah dude because dude, you're already perfect.
You're fucking shooting these bitches off of the mall.
You're shooting them off of like a burning shopping mall yeah, into like into, like a children's daycare.
Speed up and it gets all over you.
No but dude, you're already perfect, those guys are already perfect.
Somebody tell them they're doing hook shots from like the, from like who, from Ukraine yeah, from Ukraine, and landing them like in Russia, like you're doing.
Great dude like yeah, it should just be called dudes, done it.
They've done it.
Yeah, you've done it.
So start doing other cool shit.
What is this?
Man flips over Corvette driving at 30 miles per hour.
Okay, let's watch it.
I got people on the bus and Matt.
wow that sound like it hit his legs it did some hit if that's even real he did a flipper yeah That was pretty cool.
Is there an exact moment that the nut actually busts?
Does it take longer to come out with a bigger hog?
Because it's got more travel space.
Or does that propel it like a slide?
Shouldn't you already know that?
I don't study hogs.
That's true.
I'll tell you it doesn't.
No, It's the same speed?
I think so.
I've never seen a small hog do it.
But wouldn't it have to travel more?
Penis size doesn't directly dictate ejaculation time.
Some studies link larger glands volume to faster ejaculation, while others.
Nothing to see here, Trevor, While others.
Findings like those are, Yeah.
I don't think it matters that much, man.
I'm going to tell that to a woman.
But hey, you want to see something travel at 27 to 28 miles an hour in a minute? That's not a bad line. It's not bad at all. What do you think we get at the 30? Hey, come over. You want to see this? You got a speed gun? Damn. You ever meet someone? Yeah, you want to use this cop gun on this? Cop gun. You ever meet somebody and wonder, like, how are you the sperm that made it? Yeah. You know what I mean? Oh, you realize there was a slim group of racers. Oh,
yeah. They were racing on an off day. Yeah. Or there must have been some bad weather that day, but sometimes I'm like, how are you that the sperm cell that beat everyone else? Oh yeah, there's some people that shouldn't be people. Yeah. There's some people that shouldn't be people for sure. Whose top three people you would like to take out or that don't need to be people? Oh. They can be a type of person. Or not like a race,
But like a, like somebody who works at like a let me think, like a barista or something, probably this gay dude that gave my friend uh, a heimlich maneuver when we're high on lsd at a Wolf House for kids.
He did too much, he wasn't even choking.
Just we don't know if he was clocking him from the back.
I mean, he did a lot, it was a lot really.
Tell me about that.
He was choking.
Yeah, we were hot, we were on LSD, we went there and we saw a black gay guy.
We'd never seen it before so we didn't even know what to do.
Right, we were like this is in uh, Covington yeah, and we're like no way or whatever.
You know we're freaking out and we're already freaking out.
We're like you know, we're probably lsd 15 LSD Waffle House just sitting there rattling, how'd you know?
He was uh, a little.
He seemed yeah, he was wearing like flare and shit didn't even have flare, really like he was wearing like a lot of like a like exciting flare, light up shoes yeah, just shit.
That was like yeah, like his whole fucking, like his dick was probably glow in the dark or whatever you know, so you could just feel like it felt like something warm was coming out of his pants, like if he got close to you, it felt like it's warm in the front of his pants.
Yeah okay, I hear you.
But anyway yeah, my friend started choking, I think, and also we were laughing so hard because we're just so high, and he started Heimlich, and I mean he just kept doing it.
It was crazy dude, and I was laughing so hard, I was like tears were flying out of my.
I couldn't even, I couldn't even try to save my friend.
I was like laughing, so I just pulled up.
My friend was kind of small and he just kept doing it to him.
But anyway, but you'd take him out.
I think we should have a talk.
Okay, I think things.
You know, that was kind of a lot.
Um, I saw you just went to Africa dude yeah yeah yeah, that was uh that was touring over there.
No no, you go with your girl.
No, this is my family.
I was literally just.
It was one of those things where, like a year ago, my mom texts a family group chat, which is a pretty boring chat.
Somebody's gonna spice it up.
Uh, my mom just texting goes uh hey, would you guys want to go to Africa as a family like uh, I was like yeah look, you know i'm down.
And then it comes like nine months later like hey, you gotta get these shots.
Like you're going like this is a thing and i'm like oh fuck.
This is actually happening.
Um, and yeah, I got like five shots and then went with family, just did a bunch of safari stuff and it was pretty cool.
I mean like glad you did.
Yeah, definitely I.
I think it was fun just being, because I haven't done like a family trip in like over a decade, so it was fun to just be with my parents and my sister for the first time, like actually doing something in a while.
Yeah, but it's so funny that it's like my brain is so brain wrought.
There's like literally a lion eating a zebra in front of me and i'm like yeah yeah, but like you can see this on reels right, like it was definitely cool.
It was very surreal seeing, because the, the safaris are all at um, I don't even, were you guys in Kenya?
Where'd you go?
Yeah Kenya, Savo Ambuseli.
Which one do you guys want to go to?
One of those?
Uh, i'm not sure which one, but we were in uh kind of like all around the like like outskirts of Nairobi and it's like each one would be like three hours.
So all these are like kind of in like sanctuaries where the hotel is.
and then you travel around the hotel. But traveling from kind of hotel to hotel, that's really where you see like the real, real side of Africa. And that was like very I want to say like probably the best sense of community I've ever seen. Like everybody is just outside. Doing something. Oh, I went on a hot air balloon.
That was this.
Have you ever been on a hot air balloon?
No, I don't know if I have it's.
Oh, you know it's, it's.
It was honestly, the coolest thing i've ever done.
It was like.
What's crazy is when the fire is going to propel you, it's loud as hell, but when it's not, it's dead silent, and this is at like 7 a.m, so you're just sitting there in the sky in silence.
But uh yes, seeing the communities were was so interesting, because that's sick.
Everybody's outside, everybody's like like nobody's really like hanging on their phones which well, some people might not have phones and they don't have air conditioning too.
Yeah i'm, but like just, it's also part of the culture, just being alive and like seeing what's going on.
Everybody was either like, no matter where you were going, there was just people just like walking.
There's always some that I don't know.
Man, it's just.
It was really a cool perspective to see like, like that, literally i'm seeing elephants like this close in front of me and i'm like acting like this is normal.
Yeah yeah dude, that's beautiful man, it was actually really beautiful, and I had a great time um, trying to think about funny stuff that happened out there, if any.
Um, that's amazing.
And do they have a lot of like wiggas over there or anything like that?
Or is it just me?
But not that I know, I mean because that's where they would really be at, because otherwise that's kind of an American thing.
Then I guess I don't know if I saw like any like, because that's where the local white people, but i'm just saying they got to have some and if they do, are some of them?
You know well, I think they go there in disguise taking notes and then yeah, they're like a secret spy for back home.
What about Mgk?
You think he's one or no?
I think graduated he?
Yeah, once you put like a paper clip in as an earring, I think you've, you've graduated.
I think Zimmerman is one, is he?
Yeah, I don't know, i'm not super familiar with his music, but I know he's very popular yeah um, who else out there is, I don't know, but i'm just saying if they don't have a mayor, then it's an American thing or it's a British thing.
If they don't have a mayor, then it's an American thing or it's a British thing.
What are we talking about wiggas?
What are we talking about Wiggas?
What are you talking about?
What are you talking about?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I was trying to think about other artists who might get allegations.
I was trying to think about other artists who might get allegations.
Oh no, i'm just saying I mean, Elton John was kind of one, even though he never was he really, I think he was kind of, just from his style for sure.
I think he's more like the Wiggles side of things.
Well, I mean, I think it's very close.
Yeah, if you wiggle enough, a brother will show up, you know.
So I think, like you wiggle enough, somebody's gonna cornrow your hair and light a fucking blunt for you.
Who's the OG, would you say?
Oh, the OGS, I mean there's.
Would it be Elvis?
Oh, that's a good call.
Michael Rapaport was kind of one, I think, in his day, for sure.
Who's that guy?
Gianni Johnny Paolo.
He's the front runner he's he's he's he's he's he's he's, he's for sure.
We go to the UFC fights all the time.
He is he's, every time I see a photo of him.
His chains get bigger and bigger, either he's stolen her and stolen her.
That's really oh yeah, he gets them stolen.
Yeah dude, I like we're boys on instagram.
I've never met him in real life, but every time I see him he's flexing more and more money.
I'm like, how many episodes of Power were you on The Best, Bro?
He's gonna need some power to fuck it.
He's gonna need some power to keep people off his chains.
They get snatched like that.
I think it happens a lot within the culture.
It's part of the culture.
It's kind of like how?
It's like uh, it almost seems like a sting operation.
It's like capture the flag kind of.
Some people say he's a FED, some people say snitched on Diddy, Diddy.
I don't know, but i've just heard a lot of that shit.
Some people say he's a fed.
I mean, look at him, but he's got to be like the Heisman for that community.
I think if you had every year, they should heisman up a Wiga.
I think yeah, and I think who do?
They got for 2025.
I think this guy is a candidate, him.
I think you put Mgk in there, though I don't think Mgk is kind of his own thing, though I would say he's just multifaceted, I think he's.
You know, I think Rife's up there a little bit fresh off Wilding Out.
Oh, Matt Rife definitely, he's definitely out days with the abs.
You can't have great abs and not be wiggin.
Now he's more kind of like I think Rife has Wiga in him.
Yeah, or H-dub Hidden Wiga they call it.
Uh, i'm trying to think of who else.
Oh, maybe that um oh, Dan Bonguino, Tim Walz, Tim Dylan, maybe Tony the Tiger probably uh, that guy that was in uh, Salt Salt Burn, Salt Burn, but not the main guy, Barry Keoghan.
but not the main guy.
Barry Keoghan?
Barry Keoghan is he?
Barry Keoghan.
Is he?
I could see it.
I could see it.
He's Irish.
He's Irish.
Almost all Irish people are all right.
Almost all Irish people are.
All right.
Yeah, I feel like there's some obvious ones that i'm missing.
Yeah, I feel like there's some obvious ones that I'm missing.
Oh, I thought that was a picture of damn...
I think Chalamet is a little bit.
He could low-key have some in him.
I thought this was a picture of...
Who are those lion tamers in Vegas?
Penn and Teller?
No.
Fuck.
I thought that was Siegfried and Roy.
Oh, I thought that was like Sigmund Freud.
I didn't even know, dude.
But no, I'm just glad to know what's happening out there.
Dude, did you see in...
When Speed, I suppose Speed, raced that Cheetah?
Mm-mm.
Dude.
Did he beat it?
Pulled it up.
How fast are Cheetahs running?
Because the real Speed is, what can go faster?
Are a cheetah or nut?
We'll find out right now.
Let's see that.
We're about to race a cheetah.
Come on, baby.
What the fuck?
You see that?
It scratched him.
What the fuck?
Wait, I'm lost.
Dang.
Wait, so how fast was...
It said 110 miles an hour.
That's just not real.
It said the cheetah hit up to 92 miles an hour at some point.
I don't know if that was...
I mean, these are all edits, but still, the fact that he raced a cheetah is wild.
What's an animal you could race and beat, you think?
Rooster.
But if they're not flying.
They're only running.
They can't fly.
But they can kind of jumpstart a little bit.
They go nine miles an hour.
Yeah, I could beat it.
I don't know.
9 miles?
Dude, could you run 9 miles in an hour?
Throughout the day?
Yeah, It's not throughout the day, bro.
In one hour.
You only get one part of a day.
Nine miles in an hour.
And they can briefly reach up to 15 miles an hour when they're flapping their wings.
Me, too.
I could beat a.
I could beat a rooster off like a 40 -yard dash if he's not using his wings.
What about you?
I don't know.
I'm trying to think of an animal that I could really.
I think anything at Petco.
That's not true.
Anything that's caged at a Petco.
A pony I could beat.
Pony?
Oh, I don't know.
Those small ponies are quick.
No, ponies are fast.
That's a good question.
What's a good animal I could be?
Probably something that's been using.
yeah what what animals can we see what animals run beneath 10 miles per hour yeah because i think i can run 10 miles an hour for a minute 30 so i don't know what that math is but i could do that many animals run below two miles are sloths giant tortoises koalas banana slugs snails oh these all suck first of all what the hell's under the manatees what the hell's a woodcock yeah
I'll fight a woodcock. What is that? That's a good question. That's who should be starting the OF in the military. American woodcock. Oh, yeah, I'll race that thing. Look at the fucking beer belly on that thing. Oh, yeah. He's a lad of the loggers. I'll race the balls off of that little midget. I'll race the balls off that little air twink. Look at that thing. Oh, fucking. Bro, I'll serve some seed right out of my fucking wiener to that thing. Dude,
would you let that thing fucking reach into your wiener to get a piece of seed? Look at that. Look at that spout on him. I feel like that would hurt, but if I was under anesthesia, I guess. What? Like, if they were already, like, like, if I had to get a colonoscopy and they're already, like, doing that, you're like, I'd let him fucking just sniff in there for a second and see what's going on, bro. It's like the canary in the coal mine. Yes, sir. Well, I think he should be doing more, kind of, the gyno stuff. Like,
Like the contraptions they have to use to check out the insides of a woman.
I mean, they, they seem so industrial.
They seem like they found it in a warehouse and like a GMC in like 1960s.
Like it's like a clamp.
Like for, it also feels like disrespectful to the woman.
We're like, yeah, we just got to go and open up in there.
This is a trans am.
Yeah.
Like they use one of those things that they used to use to like lift your car up.
Yeah.
But like that's to, to keep a fire going, you know, like sometimes they'll use like an accordion, you know, like, I know it's, it's tough.
It's definitely ridiculous.
Oh, we don't need to look at all that.
That's crazy.
Well, it's also, yeah, that bird is kind of what it's replicating.
I feel like that bird does the gynos of the nest.
That bird's a party bird.
Um, did you see the, uh, you saw six, nine is going to the same prison as Maduro.
Did you see that?
He's in there with, uh, Luigi, Diddy, Maduro.
I don't know if that's true, but I saw it on a meme.
That's crazy.
But I guess it makes sense.
They keep them all in the same prison.
Let me see what this six, nine, Maduro.
Arrested president Maduro and his wife.
That's crazy, right?
Um, I, so it's a mad thing. So I got the call. I love how he's doing PR for jail. He's doing a podcast run to promote jail. Somebody texted me saying that they think that when they send me to prison on Tuesday, me and Maduro is going to be in the same unit. Do you think he's going to prison for PR? What charges is he there for? That's a great question. What charges is he there for? I wonder if he'd be a good guest whenever he gets out, you think? Yeah,
have you ever met him? Mm-mm. I never met him. Rapper Tekashi69 Uh, has faced various charges, primarily stemming from his association with the 9-tray Bloods. Uh, what's he going to jail for right now? Oh, um, and jail sentence in early 2026. Uh, received another three-month sentence for new violations, including having cocaine and ecstasy in his Miami home and punching a man who taunted him. Well,
sometimes you gotta do that. But damn, yeah, I think it could be interesting just to see what his life is like and stuff. They should give him, like, a Twitch stream from jail. Yeah. I feel like he's on a run here. Well,
I just feel like everything is going to start merging. They're going to have to start funding. If the government can't keep things going, everything is going to have to be funded kind of privately or by people. So I wouldn't be surprised if you start to see Twitch streams from jail. I wouldn't be surprised if you start to see the army. Or the military start to,
like, have stream or have content, right? I mean, we're already getting there. I just think that that stuff's going to kind of grow a lot, you know? Like, I'll be on TikTok Live, and it'll just pop up. And there's, like, always—and if you're chronically online, you've seen this. On TikTok, they'll just show, like, a bar. Like, it's just, like,
behind the bartender, and he's just working, and there's just a bar. Yeah. For what? And they're, like, monetizing that. They're just showing security camera of places. Yeah. And just getting money from it. In like different funerals from different countries like you can watch like Indian funerals and stuff They have streams of it and like on YouTube or like just long clips of it Yeah,
you can just watch like it's it's it's neat to have kind of like a Just like a thing you can just watch just blows my mind like the effect of live like if somebody was like hey Here's a 20-minute video, but I don't want to watch that but they're like here's a stream You'll end up watching 20 minutes like in the blink of an eye Well, let's go a little bit more to that prison who else was in there who else has been in there Well, is there any articles on it? Hall of Fame. Was he in or out of jail? He's got those RICO charges. Hezbollah? Yeah, doesn't he? He has a twin sister. You know that? No,
I didn't know this. Hezbollah has a twin sister. Yes, Hezbollah Magomedov was arrested in his native Dagestan in May 2023 for traffic violations. Of course. He couldn't reach the pedal. What are we even talking about? Including blocking a road and doing donuts with friends while celebrating a wedding. Bro, Put him in a Waymo and call it a day.
First of all, you have to know that if he gets into a car, he just shut the road down for a couple minutes.
Unless it's a Fisher-Price, what car was he whipping in?
He was released under house arrest after being granted bail and had to wear an ankle monitor around his neck.
No way.
They just turned him into a Rottweiler.
Do you think being on house arrest- I hate that part of.
He later apologized for the incident, stating he wasn't driving and promised it wouldn't happen again.
And I love that in their country, there's such a code of honor, you can just at least promise that it won't happen again.
That's awesome.
I mean, do you think being on a house arrest as a smaller person is like nice?
I bet it's kind of nice, especially for a busy guy like him because he just gets a little bit of time to himself.
Al Sharpton's locked up.
Notable inmates that have been held at MDC Brooklyn.
Oh, oh, oh.
there have been. Metropolitan Detention Center in Brooklyn has gained significant notoriety for housing and an unusually high concentration of high-profile federal defendants, including Maduro, Luigi Mangione, Diddy, R. Kelly, Sam Bankman -Fried, Chap El Chapo, Michael Cohen, Ghislaine Maxwell, Martin Shkreli, and Al Sharpton.
Wow.
Sam Bankman -Fried.
I just thought it was funny that he named his two last names were the two things that he was.
He was like this bank man and then he was also fried all the time.
So to me it was like the most perfect.
He's in jail for What did he do again?
He might be out now.
Sam Franklin was convicted and sentenced to 25 years in prison while orchestrating massive fraud at his crypto exchange, FTC.
Found guilty of seven counts, including wire fraud, conspiracy to commit fraud.
Yep, he's in there.
So he'll be in there for a while.
I feel like the NFT people are kind of like NFTS got so swept under the rug but there were so many people who pulled massive money from that and just kind of they made like NFC like clubs and NFC like, and then that all just disappeared.
Yeah, and nobody talks about it.
Um, did you see the new?
Uh, this is the new way that they're thinking that incarceration could happen.
This is with AI and technology.
This is fascinating.
See if you can find that story of the pods.
What is this?
Yes, the future of incarceration.
This is no longer about us.
Honestly, I think it's too late, but it's about our generations to come, your children, your grandchildren, your great-grandchildren.
There is a company called Cognify.
If you google it and watch their video, and it's the future of incarceration is what it's titled. With this Cognify system, let's say you do a crime, or maybe you act out against the government, or you have a belief system that is not consistent with the country that you live in, and you are prosecuted for a crime by their definition. You will then get an opportunity to choose. Let's just use this for hypothetical. A measly petty theft. You can spend 50 years in prison, or you can go through the Cognify process, which in three minutes,
they will imprint memory sets. So let's say there was someone who was even harmed by the crime that you did. You will be able to feel the emotions of your victim, the emotions that the family members went through, all of that. You will be forced to have the empathy. And you will feel like you've been imprisoned for 25 years or whatever it may be,
but it's only three minutes. Fuck that. They need that. They need that shit for when my girlfriend comes up to me after she had her period the next day and goes, I'm so sorry about last night. I'm on my period. Okay, well you need to feel what I was feeling last night for getting yelled at. Get into the Cognify machine. But dude, eventually if they have an at-home one, that'd be crazy. But this is saying This is like reverse icebathing. Sit in this and feel awful about yourself. But this is saying that if you did a crime and if you could have, I'm guessing it's probably something you'd have to afford. If you could afford Cognify,
then you'd be able to go and serve your sentence in Cognify. You would have all the things that would really feel like in your brain had happened, and in five minutes, you could do 20 years. That's so fascinating, because, like, one, you could pay off the guy who hits the buttons,
and then he's like, all right, here we go, and you're like, oh, ooh, ow, it's hurting. Well, I mean, I think here it says, Cognify is a futuristic prison concept proposed by scientist Hashim That uses AI and brain implants to replace long sentences with brief,
intense rehabilitation. So it's almost like an EMDR, but extremely deep into your brain. AI-generated memories, artificial, vivid memories are created by AI to simulate the impact of a crime on victims. Dude, this should be crazy. Inmates experience years of remorse and understanding in a short time, allowing for quicker release and reintegration. I mean, it kind of makes sense because that's what you're supposed to be there for. I just wonder how long would that stay,
you know? And what if you just go into prison for like a little while and it's just a bunch of, you don't learn anything. It's just a bunch of dudes that run a train on you or whatever. That would be my scary thing. That's what I'm saying. Like you use up for three minutes and now you're just limping. Yeah, dude. What if you get out and you're like, and then your wife lies. She's like,
yeah, I left while you were gone. You were gone so long. You're like, I was gone for two songs on Spotify. Yeah, dude. Well, that's the interesting part. What the fuck? And your son's like, yeah, we have a new stepdad. You're like, what? Bro, that would be the scary thing, is what if they just bring you back and like, oh yeah, man, you just got a couple of MS-13 guys got a hold of you and now you're like, el gay or whatever, you know? And that would be the scariest part to me, bro. The crazy part is like, if they're doing this in three minutes, it's like, you leave your house at 10 a.m. and you're like, oh,
I committed this crime. I'm so sorry. You come back. You're back at noon, and all of a sudden you have all the remorse for burning down an Arby's. And now you're like, I didn't think the fry cook was still in there. Now you just have this feeling and regret the rest of your life, But you still have the rest of your life to like, yeah, but I think it's a shortcut.
It'll be a shortcut.
I think it'll be for people that can afford it, because here's what you'll be able to do.
People will the Arby's family.
They'll have some sort of like other part of it, that's like an attorney part of it where it's like okay, you can make, do right now, you can pay restitution.
You burn down the Arby's.
You killed two you know, a fry cook and um, someone in the drive-thru refused to leave without their order even though the place was burning down, and one other counter person.
So you can settle out of court with them all right now for three hundred thousand dollars.
And then it's just going to be like this fast track thing.
It's like yeah, you're off the hook and you feel the remorse and you you, you keep living.
Like, yeah, you're off the hook and you feel the remorse and you keep living.
So if you shoot someone, you only you would you feel that person's pain.
So if you shoot someone, would you feel that person's pain?
I think they just want you to feel their.
I think they just want you to feel the pain of their family members and stuff like that.
So you would feel the pain of their family members and stuff like that.
They would have ways that they could embed that into you.
Yeah, that would fuck you up.
I mean, both of those would fuck you up for life.
But what if you do like tax fraud?
It should fuck you up.
You killed some people at an Arby's.
You shouldn't just.
Right, right, right.
Right.
It should fuck you up.
Yeah, you shouldn't be off scot-free.
So how would that work with like tax fraud?
Like who?
The government's, no.
That's a good point.
Maybe they wouldn't allow it for certain crimes.
Or if they were able to get the money back from you.
I'm not sure.
That's a good question.
How fast would they do it?
I feel like, I don't know, that's crazy.
Yeah.
But they probably are finding ways to speed up prison sentences but still have the same effects.
Well, it seems kind of archaic the way that we do it.
Kind of, it's like this guy's in there for 50 years, nothing ever had.
It's like he goes through all these boards and it's never, you know.
So long.
And it's just like such a drain on the system.
It's just.
I'd love to find out more about that like, because I know a lot of.
It is just like some kind of money laundering thing, you know yeah, have you ever been to a prison?
I don't think I have.
I've been in a jail.
What's the difference?
I've never been to a prison.
A jail is just like a little gay-ass prison.
Nobody's even getting gayed out or whatever in it, it's just people waiting for lunch and shit people waiting for dick.
Jails are local short-term facilities for those awaiting trial or serving sentences.
You can't even find a gang in a jail, you know.
You can find like one dude that'll like like like a pen pal to another gang.
Yeah, you can find one dude who might fucking slip half a hershey's under your door at night or whatever, but there's no long-term institution there.
Those are more uh for prisons.
Yeah, because they do like so many like tours, like when you go to different cities you want to see like, where Elvis lives.
Like I think they should tour jails for income.
Like i'm just curious what's going on in there.
Like I want to do an episode of scared Straight, but like I did, but I just want to see what's going on.
Like i'm just curious.
Yeah, like if there was a jail live stream on twitter.
I would watch every day. You'd never hear about anything there. To watch it, it almost feels illegal. Well, there's a lot of shows about it now that people are into that type of viewing, I think, for sure, dude. I don't know if I'd be good in jail,
dude. I wouldn't. No? I'd fucking hate it. Unless my cellmate, like, we could start a little band or something. I don't think I would be that good in there. If I had something to look forward to as, like, a group or whatever. Yeah. What would you do if you got approached by gang members? I'd have to join. Yeah. You could say,
let me think about it for a day or two, but they're only going to probably give you two days. Yeah, I would treat it like I was a record label and I was a rapper. I'm just seeing what other offers I get. I think I would blind myself or something, so nobody's going to hurt a blind guy, I think. Dude, I feel like unfortunately, that's the number one target, because you can't snitch. So, like, what did he feel like? Knuckles. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. That'd be scary to me. Because, I don't know,
man. I guess, yeah, you'd have to join a gang. I would probably go Mexican gang. I feel like it might be, the food might be better. I don't know. I don't know if black gangs are making food in there. I don't know. What's the worst gang to join in there? Prison gangs in the United States. Arian Brotherhood,
Black Guerrilla Mafia, Mexican Mafia, La Nuestra Familia, Texas Syndicate. That sounds kind of like new and novel. All these sound like a really good NFL league. And the Netas. Or the XFL. Oh, yeah. If they bring the XFL back, start with these teams. The Tennessee type shit, dude. Put them in there. The Tennessee Fightins. Dude, they should have more. They gotta start. Putting these people into teams, doing something. There's got to be a better way. It's all going to happen, man. Everything's merging. Everything's getting weird. Yes,
it's all becoming Long John Silvers and Baskin Robbins, dude. It's all becoming the Army fans. It's all starting to merge. We're going to start to see this kind of stuff a lot. But I think they should take all the inmates and give them some athletic thing to look forward to and then they can stream it. I would absolutely watch the Texas Syndicate versus the Puerto Ricans. Oh yeah,
if you had a basketball game tonight. That's what I'm saying. It was La Nuestra Familia vs. the Aryan Brotherhood at 9pm. First one to 11. No three-pointers. Dude, I would fucking watch that in a heartbeat. I feel like the AB is only hitting threes. They're not doing the work and the paint. It beats the big three fucking league in a heartbeat. But you should put one of these leagues into the big three league. They gotta start to just diversify. But I'm saying,
like, if these guys even just play, like, that might bring some unity. It's like UFC. They talk shit before the fight, then after the game they, like, dap up. They're like, I have nothing but respect for this guy. I love this guy. Maybe there could be some of that where, like, if they're playing each other, they're shit-talking, sure, but afterwards, like, hey. Type shit. And then they could stream it and you could watch it on Rumble or Paramount Plus or something. Nick Fuentes would host it probably. I think he would probably do it. Especially if it's on Rumble. He's like their lead guy over there. Yeah,
there's got to be a way because they would also probably feel like imagine being in jail, but every day you're training for a game on Saturday. You have something to look forward to. I agree. Even though you're a murderer, you still like, yeah. Murder them threes,
bitch! Boom! From downtown because shots went in downtown. He's a killer, yeah. Shots fired, that's one of his names. Dude, they'd have cool-ass names too. Stabby for three. Yeah. Like Bobby Lee always makes that sound. Before we get out of here,
You have a special coming up. I'm shooting one in March. I'm shooting a special March 17th and 14th in Arizona. In Phoenix. Yeah, in Phoenix. Super excited. It's going to be sick. Phoenix is just a great comedy town. I'm really excited. I might go shoot my special there, maybe. It's not a bad idea. It's a great city. It's a great city. You're out here now, but it's so close to LA. And I've just never, some states like, I'll say Ohio is a hit or miss state for me. Sometimes like this is the best show of my life,
almost special. Or you're like, cool, give me to the top of La Quinta with cement shoes. So you're like always in between. I am on tour right now. I'm doing the Ryman tomorrow. If you want to do a spot, I would love to have you on there. I'd be sick as fuck. Yeah, man. Maybe I'll pop out. I haven't been on stage in a while. Really? Yeah. Dude, I mean, the crowd would just literally nut 28 miles per hour to see you do five minutes. Alright, I'll come out. Yeah, and then I'm doing the World Turn, Which I opened for you at the Will Turn a couple years ago.
That's a great, great spot.
Um yeah, i'm doing a bunch.
I've got Ventura, Cleveland.
You got a lot of good spots.
Yeah yeah, all California i'm doing.
Reno, i'm doing.
I'm doing a lot of places i've never done before, like Oakland Reno uh Memphis Fresno Bakersfield, San Luis Obispo you guys gotta go see them man, it's a great, it's just entertaining, it's great energy, the whole set.
Um yeah dude, you're so great up there bro, make sure to send me this too, so I can share it on socials too whenever uh, after today or after this episode goes up.
Oh yeah yeah yeah, please.
Um, and your tour is called Trevor Wallace Presents Alpha beta Male alpha, beta male.
Yeah, just because I feel like my brain is split in between like being this, like alpha male, versus like this beta male.
It's like I find just more kind of unity between both of them. And I feel like every decision I make has, like, an alpha side versus a beta side in me. It's not like one of those, like, red pill, blue pill type shows, but it is just, like, a funny thing to be, like, people are, are you this, are you that? I'm like, I feel like I'm kind of in between. Yeah. A lot of fun. Yeah, dude. I think it also happens as you grow up a little bit, too. It's like you kind of get two sides of it, you know? It's like, you know, there's days when you're like, you know. Yeah, it's always, it used to be like, I'll bust a nut wherever,
you know what I'm saying? I'll bust a nut at this fucking party or whatever. I'm like, what the fuck, you know? Yeah. You know? Dude, I remember I went to a one-year-old's birthday party. This is at a time when, like, you know, when I was dealing with sobering and relapsing. I went to a one-year-old's birthday party and ended up buying cocaine there somehow. From the one-year-old? From an adult. They're like, blow out the candles! And you hear the word blow and you're like, where? Yeah,
I don't know. I'm just going to show you. Anything can happen out there, man. I just feel like my brain has it's more so like there's a second-guessing element to almost everything that I do where it's like the example I say on stage is like, I've had this thought before. I wanted to spit in a girl's mouth, but then another thought was like, but what if I miss? Yeah. But, like, that's not how dirty talk works. That's not, like, how being hot in the bed works. It's, like, you just do it. Yes, you have to be that, yeah. You have to be present. But, you know, it's, like, or I'm, like, scared to, like,
slap a girl's ass in the bed because I'm, like, sometimes you don't get the pop. Oh, I hate that. You get the dud. Yeah. Sounds like you're just trying to get the dog on the couch. Like, and for me, I'm trying to, like, so I overthink everything. It's so embarrassing, too, when you get the dud. Because they hear it. They hear it, too. Yeah. Then a good person you're dating won't address it. Yeah. What the fuck? Or that's when you have to yell out, that was loud, huh? Or that's when you yell out, be like,
you probably need some lotion, it's a little dry back here. Yeah, damn. Or you do what dads do when they're moving into a house and they just start checking, like, how's the structure? Getting a dud is, but literally, that's all my thought process is, is there's a part of my brain that's like, slap ass, but then the other parts, it's like, what if you get a dud? Yeah, what if you miss a little? You get a little fire. You hit that bone. That's crazy. That's assault. It's literally assault. And then you're like,
how am I going to bust at 27 miles an hour now? And then it comes out at 12 miles an hour. Dude, I'm probably one of the most in-my-head guys I can be. Once I start thinking about that, this is more graphic, but we're pretty deep into the podcast. If I start thinking, oh no, I'm not going to be able to bust, then I can't. It's all mental for me. Like, if a girl even says, like, are you going to be able to? Then it's out the window. Because now it's all I'm thinking about. Or if I get too hot,
I gotta run to the fucking sink like a little gopher.
Oh, if the ac comes on or whatever oh yeah well, the ac is a little gay blown on your back.
Well, the fan on it, people who could come with the fan on I thought those are navy seals dude, anybody who can.
Probably AIR Force yeah, I said, I said this on stage.
Like anybody who can have sex with a fan on is a fucking.
Yeah, that's AIR Force.
Dude bro, you deserve to have an only fans and support our country.
Why would you want to make the room colder to now, like that's gonna make things uh, probably smaller, i'm guessing.
Oh, but it's just crazy.
To have just anybody who could have sex with a fan on is insane.
It's literally like a cuck situation because like, who's this other man in the room?
Oh yeah, it's a ceiling fan yeah yeah, I couldn't do it, a lot of pressure.
Dude, I just but, but I do that with everything career wise.
I overthink everything I, but it helps you do you're meticulous, that's what it is.
It is and it keeps you where you are and it's like you know, you started your career, started off so hot, and a lot of times you see guys like that and it's hard for them to figure it out.
You know uh, how long were you doing content before you got in a stand-up?
I was doing stand-up first right but, but oh, you were yeah but, but like maybe, but you've still only been doing it now.
Like what, seven years, 10?
Oh, have you really?
Yeah fuck, i'm losing every.
No no, you're good man, you're good.
I don't know why.
Uh, you'd know that.
Um um, but uh, how is everything going with Busboys?
This was good dude, we're gonna.
It's gonna come out in a couple of weeks.
Uh no, it's gonna come out in a couple of months.
Really, I think we're gonna go into theaters, oh.
fuck yeah. And then it looks like, and we're figuring that out right now, and then we'll probably go direct to consumer just direct to people. Any streamer? Oh, I don't know. That probably happens after you go theaters and then a buyer. I think it's also you have to present to them when it's fully done and show them what it looks like, You know.
So it's been a long, it's been a learning curve, it's been a lot, it's been a lot of stuff.
You realize it's like oh, this is a big undertaking, but it I I realized it could be a lot easier next time.
Yeah and um, we had a lot of things that were like in the way and made things tough too, like the fires moved everything at the last minute by a week and just all these little things that change everything.
Um, but learned a ton, self-financed it, we made it ourselves, you know, and like, wrote it ourselves and completely like.
So that that part I think I feel really excited about and I think it should be.
I think it's good.
I'm just, you know, you've seen it so many times.
You're like I don't even know what's going on here, but you're in it, i'm in it, i'm dude, it's been so long, i'm so happy that I got a tap for that.
I, I watched the full thing and it's like.
I think the storyline is so there, it's like, it's, It's dumb to say, but you're like, yeah, this is a movie. It's not like somebody who tried to make a movie. It's like, this is a movie. This is a start-to-finish movie. And the storyline, I was impressed. It's not groundbreaking, but also it was our first time doing it. It was like, we had to make sure that this piece matches with this piece, but I do think it moves quick, and it was funny. It was a lot of great cameos and stuff in it. I love the cameos. The cameos are great, man. But yeah, even when I saw the trailer,
Spade showed me at the uh, the improv between all those Raya matches, but he showed me uh, he does no uh no, he does, he's got him.
Uh, but even the trailer like, as dumb as this sounds, i'm like dude, this is a, this is a movie trailer.
Yeah like like like, even if I had I don't even know like I could just be a random guy, worked at Radio Shack and I watched him.
Like dude, this fucking movie looks sick right, like it, it feels everything like a movie.
So any doubt you have, just because I know you're very like, I think a lot.
Yeah, I don't want to slap the bone, you know right, but as an outside perspective, like dude, this is a fucking movie movie, movie.
So, like the fact it's going into theaters and then direct, like i'm, i'm fired up, you think I should feel confident about that.
Yeah, absolutely yeah dude, there it is, there it is.
Yeah, it was fun.
I can't even believe it all happened right, I mean, it was a crazy time in the year and this all happened so fast.
It was like 23 days in a row.
We shot and it was just a fucking.
It was a lot dude, but you crushed it.
We got to do something again.
Please let's get this out so we can make a new one.
Huh type shit.
I know, and and that's the thing, like you know, it's just I, I have so many ideas that I hold on to and I shoot it for so long.
By the time I go to like pose, i'm like, what the fuck even is this?
So art has like an expiration date, it feels like for the artist, but it's like once you put it out there, it's like like how you felt making it, that's.
that's how it should be perceived a little bit. That, that, that, um, what, what is that book? I'm blanking on his name. It's a great book with the circles on it. Rick Rubin. Have you read that book? What's it called? He's great, though. He has a book, and it's all about the creative act. Dude, I really love this book. The creative act, A Way of Being. Have you had him on the pod? I haven't. He would be a great guest. I would like to see great clips of him. His whole perception on art is like, put it out,
and once it's out, at one point, you love the project. Don't let the outcome Dictate how it is like when you had when you started writing it you loved it when you were when you were creating with your friends You loved it So but I apply it to a lot of videos because at one point When filming it or writing it or editing or all that I loved it and then if I post it doesn't do well I go fuck the video sector go no,
no but like I I had to care for it at one point and It's sometimes you sit on projects for so long that you know that care so it's it's important to kind of put those things out before And it's not that you lose that care, but your life just changes. And what you find funny in 2024 over 2025 is different. Yeah, sometimes it's tough to keep something going, but also you're right to remember like, man, at one time I had so much faith in this and believed in this and I knew it was good,
right? Yeah. And I still think you should. I really do. Thanks, bro. I think I needed to hear something like that too. We're looking at some last coloring scenes right now. You should do a small screening in Nashville and just like Not anybody who will just glaze who's like, just literally 30 people and just show it. What were your takeaways? What did you like? What felt good? We probably need to do that soon. Maybe we'll do one out in LA too,
man. I'm super excited for that to come out. You've got the tour right now. We'll share those on our socials as well. I'll come out tomorrow night and do a set. You want to do it? Who else is on the show? Blastine? Zach Townsend. You know him? Zach Townsend and I think John Chris is doing set. Dude,
it's going to be Nashville's finest. It's going to be like, they're going to take a screenshot of this and put it up next to that New York City prison post and be like, dude, they had Mom Dommy in that picture. I don't know who's up in there. Thanks so much for coming, bro. Dude, always. Yeah, congrats on everything. Thanks for the inspiration, dude. Yeah, you just always keep on going, dude. You keep staying creative and it's great to see. I'm glad we get to catch up. Dude, that means a lot coming from you. Like, holy shit. Yeah, you got no choice not to. Just keep it going, huh? You're giving a gift,
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