This Past Weekend - Theo Von - #634 - Fiona Cauley

Jan. 16, 2026 - This Past Weekend - Theo Von

02:11:24

#634 - Fiona Cauley

Fiona Cauley is a comedian and podcaster known for her many appearances on the show “Kill Tony”. She also hosts her own podcast “Rampin Up”. Fiona joins Theo to talk about what people don’t know about living with a disability, how much Kill Tony has helped her career, and what we can learn from Autistic Barbie. Fiona Cauley: https://www.instagram.com/fionacauley/ ------------------------------------------------ Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com ------------------------------------------------- Sponsored By: Celsius: Go to the Celsius Amazon store to check out all of their flavors. #CELSIUSBrandPartner #CELSIUSLiveFit https://amzn.to/3HbAtPJ Rocket Money: Go to http://rocketmoney.com/theo to reach your financial goals faster. Liquid IV: Go to http://liquidiv.com and get 20% off your first order with code THEO at checkout. Valor Recovery: To learn more about Valor Recovery please visit them at https://valorrecoverycoaching.com/ or email them at admin@valorrecoverycoaching.com ------------------------------------------------- Music: “Shine” by Bishop Gunn Bishop Gunn - Shine ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: tpwproducer@gmail.com Hit the Hotline: 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: https://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 1906 Glen Echo Rd PO Box #159359 Nashville, TN 37215 ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips Shorts Channel: https://bit.ly/3ClUj8z ------------------------------------------------ Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers Producer: Trevyn https://www.instagram.com/trevyn.s/ Producer: Nick https://www.instagram.com/realnickdavis/ Producer: Andrew https://www.instagram.com/bleachmediaofficial/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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	Here's a question.
	If you walked into a stash house and found it full of 20 million dollars, how much would you steal?
	That's the question Matt Damon and Ben Affleck have to answer in Netflix's new movie, The Rip.
	They play a team of Miami cops alongside Tayana Taylor, Stephen Yoon, Catalina Sandino Moreno, Kyle Chandler, and Sasha Kalle, all trying to decide: are they the good guys or the bad guys?
	This movie is an edge-of-your-seat thrill ride the entire time, keeping you guessing till the very end.
	Don't miss the rip.
	Watch now only on Netflix.
	Today's guest is a comedian and a podcaster.
	You may know her from her appearances on Kill Tony.
	She has her own podcast called Rampin' Up.
	And I'm thankful that she's here today.
	Today's guest is Miss Fiona Cawley.
	Your house is beautiful, by the way.
	Oh, thanks.
	Yeah, I feel lucky to have a place to live.
	I got to get, I think, a new couch or something.
	How many times after you sit on a couch, you have to get a new one?
	That's a thing.
	They should put like a little counter on the side that kind of goes down.
	I like that.
	It's like the lollipop question.
	Yeah.
	Like how many sits does it take to get out?
	Oh, you're out and it catapults you out.
	The springs just activate.
	Yeah, I like that.
	No nonsense.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, that's what we need now.
	It's like, yeah, how many, how many sits does it take to get to the center of your sofa?
	I would be screwed.
	Really?
	Because all I do is sit.
	Oh, that's true, huh?
	You're here.
	You're what some people would consider a heavy sitter, huh?
	Yeah, I'm professional.
	Yeah, y'all ain't got shit on me.
	For some of our listeners that don't know, so you have, you live with a ailment.
	What do you people, do people call it a disease, an ailment, just because you're already talking about it?
	Yeah, it's a disease, a disability.
	It's called Free Draxidaxia.
	Yeah, what is it?
	Is it okay to ask you about it?
	Yeah, yeah.
	So it's like a really rare neurological disease and it's progressive.
	And there are like 5,000 people in the U.S. that have it.
	And I'm one of them.
	And the only difference between us, the reason you can walk and I can't, is I don't make enough of a protein called fritaxin.
	And that's kind of it.
	Like both my parents were carriers, didn't know.
	And then they had kids and we're screwed.
	And do the, and so are you the only child that has it?
	No.
	So if two parents have it and they have a child, any child they have can have it?
	Can, yeah, but also they might not, some of them.
	But I'm one of three.
	I'm the middle and we all have it.
	I got diagnosed first, so they can suck it.
	Yeah.
	It's like that twin that's born later.
	Did you feel like they were copying it?
	Did you feel like they were copying off you at the end?
	I mean, I'm the middle child.
	So it's like, I can't have anything to myself.
	My sister is even in the same wheelchair as me now.
	Rude.
	No, same brand?
	Yeah.
	Oh.
	I know.
	But is she the younger sister?
	Older.
	Oh, that's not good.
	Because I noticed my nephews at Thanksgiving were dressing the same as each other, but they're like two years apart.
	And I was like, oh, it kind of makes sense the younger one is dressing like the older one.
	Yeah.
	It's even worse.
	Well, imagine if like your siblings like got the same car as you.
	Yeah.
	It's the same thing.
	Oh.
	Yeah.
	Did you have to have a do you have to have a cane?
	How do you because you know you have a wheelchair?
	Well, good question.
	I mean, it's progressive.
	So I used to be an athlete before I knew.
	And then I walked weird, like kind of like I'm drunk.
	I spoke.
	Still do speak that way because your tongue's a muscle.
	And then I went into a cane phase when I was 21 because they wouldn't serve me at bars.
	And I was like, I got to find a way to like show them.
	It's like, I'm not drunk.
	I was drunk, but I was.
	Did a lot of brothers hit on you when you had that cane?
	Honestly, I would go to bars, not bring the cane.
	And if a guy hit on me, I was like, that's a bad person because I look like the drunkest person in this.
	Right?
	It was a litmus test.
	You're just reporting people.
	At one point, did you and your sisters have canes?
	Because that's almost like a black prom, I feel like.
	If you guys had that.
	I did have like 14 to match every outfit.
	Yeah.
	Oh, that's kind of odd.
	Yeah.
	I had one that was like a sword cane.
	You unscrew the top and a sword came out.
	Really?
	Oh, that's the one you definitely needed, probably an Irish bar.
	Yeah, I took it on every date just in case.
	You know, I don't fuck with pepper spray, just sword canes.
	Oh, that's, dude, that's the British pepper spray.
	The sword cane.
	That's exactly what they're that's exactly the wildest thing there is.
	That's unbelievable.
	Fiona Cauley, thanks for joining us.
	Yeah.
	Thanks for stopping by.
	I appreciate it.
	We got to do a show together not long ago that was at the lab and that was really awesome.
	And I saw you're going to be on the Kill Tone.
	Are you on the Kill Tony the live from Texas?
	What's it called?
	Once upon a time in Texas.
	Yeah.
	The one that just came on Netflix.
	That's you right there, right?
	Yeah.
	Oh.
	How crazy is that to see yourself on like kind of like because stuff like this, I think, is kind of, it's not monumental, but it's interesting in a comic's career when they see themselves on like a Netflix poster, something that gives us some semblance of what we deem as a lot of us deem as success.
	Was that interesting for you?
	Yeah.
	I mean, I'm grateful it put me on the poster.
	You know what I mean?
	But yeah.
	I mean, being on Netflix, this is actually a second time with Kill Tony.
	I've been on the Netflix.
	That's nice.
	I didn't know that.
	Yeah.
	The other one was at Madison Square Garden.
	Dude, that's wild.
	And they kind of, and they hid your legs too, which is, are they.
	Which was nice in that Mick Gross's people out.
	They don't want to see this.
	Oh, I bet a lot of dudes.
	I know some dudes who would.
	For sure.
	And also, you think they could have had you sitting on his shoulder or something?
	That would have been way funnier.
	I like that.
	So you've been doing comedy for about five years.
	Okay.
	And was killed.
	Did Kill Tony feel like a big break for you?
	Like, what does that feel like?
	Yeah, I would say so.
	I was, you know, I live in Nashville, so I was really just working Zane's.
	And I was starting to feature and whatever.
	And then I heard about Kill Tony and people were like, you should go on that.
	And I was like, okay.
	So it changed my life overnight.
	Wow.
	Like fully.
	You know, I went from like 30,000 followers and now I have like more than half a million.
	It's insane.
	Yeah.
	Wow.
	Dude, kudos to Tony and Redben just for making that thing stick and thrive in the years they went through it at the comedy store where there were times when it was big and times where it was kind of like in between buildings and like they were switching it around.
	Even when they got to Austin, I think they went to three different places and they kept that thing alive.
	That's unbelievable.
	Was your first time there?
	What's it like when your first time there?
	Did you know you were going to get up or was it?
	Yeah, so he basically what happened was I didn't know what Kill Tony was.
	I heard about it.
	Yeah, because you're already, you know, you're already having health problems.
	Kill Tony sounds.
	That's right.
	I'm like, stay away from that word.
	I'm not seeing another surgeon.
	I'm like, what's next, Gilfiona?
	No, I might.
	Sorry, am I joking too much or no?
	No, I like it.
	Okay.
	I thought you did.
	That's the only reason why I'm joking.
	No, I'll take it too far.
	You let me know.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	So you go there.
	And for people that don't know, most of our listeners know, but Kill Tony, it's a show that's run by Tony Hinchcliffe and Brian Redband.
	And they basically bring in kind of newcomers.
	It's kind of the new tonight show in a lot of ways.
	And they have regular guests on there.
	And a lot of people go on there and get their first minute.
	It's kind of their first minute that's in front of the Kill Tony crowd.
	And sometimes those minutes are amazing.
	And sometimes those minutes are very nerve-wracking.
	I think they're probably nerve-wracking no matter what.
	But yeah, take me through that minute.
	Like, what's that first minute on Kill Tony?
	What is it?
	What is that like?
	Especially for somebody that's had five years in comedy.
	Like, cause you, you know, it's not some of these people, it's their first time ever getting on stage.
	Yeah.
	And some people are just hiding from their wives or something.
	Some people are just hiding from ICE for a minute.
	They're like, this is one minute away from ICE, right?
	They won't find me here.
	But yeah, can you kind of take us through that?
	Yeah.
	So it's very, it's stressful because it's not, you, you realize it's not just the room you're in that's going to see it.
	It's not just the 300 people.
	The platform is so big.
	So you're like, everything I do right now is going to be seen by millions of people.
	Like you're stressed, you know?
	And also the whole thing is like the panel gets to be mean to you and the crowd loves that.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	It's very Roman Coliseum, huh?
	It feels the arena shows for Kill Tony feel so Roman.
	I say that all the time.
	Wow.
	And every time I go out on an arena show with them, I swear the person right before me gets booed by the entire arena.
	And then I'm like, that's kind of nice because then if somebody else has taken that L, then you're like.
	Nah, could have been me.
	Yeah.
	But it was them.
	I've been through enough.
	Before you went on the first time, are you like waiting in the wings?
	What's the setup?
	So I, because I'm in a wheelchair, I have to like go around the building and get carried up these stairs.
	Wait by the dumpsters and stuff?
	Yeah, yeah.
	It smells real bad.
	But it reminds you you're alive, you know?
	So like, I'm grateful.
	For sure.
	And yeah, they have you waiting back there.
	You smell like trash.
	You're looking at Heidi, the best looking woman I've ever seen in real life.
	Oh, does she work on Kill Tony?
	Yeah, you know, the beautiful blonde Heidi member.
	She's very nice.
	Wow.
	Look at her.
	Are you joking?
	I know.
	I'm not joking.
	Oh, wow.
	She looks like Gina Davis.
	And she's got strong cheekbones.
	She looks like Gene Davis, too.
	Who used to play catcher for us when I was growing up, actually?
	Great kid, Italian.
	I'm like, I don't know.
	No, she's stunning.
	I'm just joking.
	I'm sure she's on Kill Tony.
	Can take a couple of jokes.
	Do they joke about her a lot too?
	Oh, yeah.
	She's very funny, takes jokes very well.
	You got to go back on.
	Yeah, because Heidi.
	No, it is funny that.
	Yeah, you show a cute girl.
	I gotta get there.
	Get back out there.
	It's like you could show a picture of the North Pole, and guys are like, that looks cold.
	I ain't doing that shit.
	And then you show a guy and you show just like a silhouette of some tits on the edge of a glacier.
	Some guy's like, man, we gotta get back.
	I gotta get back out there.
	Yeah, I gotta warm up the old ice pick, brother.
	And so, as you're going along, like, dude, I cannot imagine how overwhelming that feels.
	It reminds me of, I did a late night set one time for Craig Craig Ferguson.
	Yep.
	And it never aired because I think it was too edgy or something, they said.
	And I was heartbroken, dude.
	I was like, oh, I worked so hard and put the set together.
	But that was nerve-wracking.
	That was like one of the most nerve-wracking moments because you kind of know what you want to do, but you haven't been in this instance where, like, there's like for me, there was like a lot of heat would build up around my neck, and you're, you want to make sure your words get out clearly.
	That was, that was, that was super frustrating for me.
	I know you did a late night set.
	Did you do Fallon?
	Yeah.
	Which one?
	Congratulations, by the way.
	Was there any different feeling between those two things?
	Or did one feel easier?
	I think Fallon felt easier because he's not there to be mean to me.
	That's a good point.
	He's not hiding in a wheelchair while you're up there.
	Like, Red Band will sell it on Etsy.
	Red Band just sells my seat cushion on this.
	Oh, dude.
	No, that's hilarious.
	And he would, too.
	That guy, dude, shout out Red Band who people are like, well, what does he look like?
	You're like, let's say sniff a seat cushion.
	That does.
	But very successful.
	Sniffs seat cushions for fun.
	Yeah, for that's true.
	For fun.
	I don't, yeah, I don't think he wouldn't maybe do it for profit.
	No, he doesn't need to.
	That's a good point.
	Yeah.
	He's making good money.
	Dude, there you are right there.
	Yeah.
	And they let me plug the foundation to raise money for my disease.
	And that was cool.
	What do you notice the differences between like doing a set on a on Kill Tony and a set on Fallon?
	Because that's not a lot of people have probably had that exact experience.
	I think the way, like for me, or the way it exists in the world.
	Just kind of the way it exists in the world.
	Yeah.
	I think Fallon impressed my grandparents, which finally they're like, oh, she is a comedian.
	You know what I mean?
	That's true.
	Yeah.
	So that was like something my mom can send to people and be like, look at my daughter.
	But with Kill Tony, they definitely have a bigger reach now.
	You know, late night is not the same, I think.
	Yeah, because I think people just, less people have cable, people are more tuned into their phones.
	Right.
	Kill Tony is definitely more divisive.
	Yeah.
	You know?
	And so people make a lot of assumptions about me through that.
	There was, I don't know.
	Yeah, it's more divisive.
	He almost sunk Puerto Rico.
	Remember that?
	That was crazy.
	That was crazy, dude.
	And then they probably would have got sued.
	They would have lost the show.
	They would have changed the name to Kill Puerto Rico, which would have been a lot.
	I feel like.
	Yeah, a lot of people can't spell Puerto Rico.
	But there is this thing, though, where it's like, yeah, you do a certain thing and people can see that and that appeases them.
	That's kind of an interesting thing as a comedian.
	I think it's kind of an interesting thing almost in anybody's walk of life with work because you're like, oh, if I do this, then my dad'll understand that.
	That to him equals success.
	Or to my grandparents, that to them equals success.
	Right.
	And it's different for everyone, but it's like this.
	I feel like part of being a comedian is being like, but there's always going to be that one person that doesn't believe I'm doing anything real and I have to prove it.
	And I don't know.
	That's just me.
	Yeah.
	I wonder if there's always like somebody in the back of a comedian's head that like fuels them.
	Right.
	They're like, one day I'll get that person.
	Or I bet there probably is.
	I bet there probably is for everybody.
	I bet it would be pretty fascinating to learn like what really fuels like some of the ways that we operate and the choices that we make.
	Because it could be like one or two people that said something when you were young or one person's look that gave you a certain feeling and you're like, and it's ignited this thing inside of you.
	The worst of when you hold on to those two words that looked and they're like, I don't remember that.
	You're like, that dictated my future.
	Yeah.
	You're like, I'd still be, I would have kept walking if you hadn't.
	I stopped walking because of that.
	Yeah, yeah, that's crazy.
	Oh, dude, did you see that?
	What did I see the other day?
	Oh, they have an autistic Barbie now.
	Did you see that?
	I did see that.
	Do people send a lot of that stuff to you like, hey, wheelchair, Barbie?
	Or just like, what do we think of this?
	Like, if there's some sort of like, I'm like the voice of reason for any disability.
	Yeah, you're like the, what's that?
	You're like the show where the chairs turn around.
	What is that?
	Oh, you're like.
	The show voice.
	Yeah, you're like the voice for disabilities and stuff.
	People are like, hey, this is.
	She's not pushing my button.
	Oh, autistic Barbie.
	That bitch ain't getting shit.
	I'm like, oh, you put headphones on her.
	Cool.
	But those aren't headphones.
	I think those are just noise-canceling earmuffs.
	Oh.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I think those are just those things that help autistic people kind of operate.
	They used to do earmuffs and now they kind of made them fancy or something.
	Yeah, made them fashion.
	Mattel is introducing an autistic Barbie as the newest member of its line intended to celebrate diversity developed in partnership with a nonprofit organization that advocates for the rights and better media representation of people with autism.
	I think I find that kind of weird though, because autism isn't visible generally.
	It's like how you, it's how you function.
	And it's a Barbie.
	So couldn't any Barbie be autistic?
	First of all, I've met a lot of Barbies in the world and these bitches are missing something.
	That's true.
	Okay.
	A lot of these bitches are picking up odd signals.
	You know, a lot of times from like an Hermes or something.
	They're like, oh, I just got an update from an Hermes somewhere or something, which is like a fancy shot.
	Okay.
	I'm like, I show up on Amazon.
	I'm sorry.
	Yeah, sorry.
	Yeah.
	That was maybe a bad reference.
	Why is she Hispanic logo?
	And is there Hispanic autism?
	Look it up.
	Who's got the most autism?
	Feels like a white people sport.
	Yeah.
	Well, white people will create any new sport to try and keep away from having to compete against black folks.
	Yeah.
	Anything we can do.
	Yeah.
	It's like, oh.
	My disease is only white people.
	Your disease is only white people.
	Let's go.
	I like that shit.
	And we barely landed that fist bump.
	But let's go.
	Autism matter.
	Yeah.
	Oh, sorry, Barbie.
	Yeah, they should have, they should, dude.
	You should have a Barbie.
	That'd be so great if you want a Barbie.
	Based on the most recent data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, published in April 2025, Asian Pacific Islander children and American Indian Alaska Native children had the highest reported prevalence of autism.
	So Asians, but they were going to have it, dude.
	You can, like a lot of Asians that I knew and that have been known over the years by people, it seems like a lot more is going on inside than outside.
	And I feel like if you get, you put too much traffic on those inner streets, you're going to end up bumper to bumper in there.
	And that's, I feel like, where autism really shows up.
	And that's not a scientific definition of autism.
	But a lot of Asian people, you just want to go up to them and be like, what are you doing in there?
	You know?
	Especially in my generation, because they were very quiet.
	You would rarely get a word out of an out of an Asian guy.
	How many Asian people did you know growing up?
	We had one.
	We didn't have, well, we almost had one.
	We had, yeah, dude, there was a rumor that there was an Asian guy.
	Well, here's what happened.
	There was a rumor that there was an Asian guy in this town near us called Sladell, Louisiana, and it was like 17 miles away.
	So me and my buddy Scotty and some other guys, we cut grass for like three weeks and saved up money to go see this guy, right?
	Because, dude, we don't know when we're getting it.
	Yeah, we don't know when we're getting another one, dude.
	And so we get over there, and here's what had happened: a pizza hut.
	Remember, they had those unique rooftops had burned down to the ground.
	And people had started saying that an Asian person was living in there.
	It was like just a myth or whatever.
	Bring up that pizza roof.
	Bring up pizza hood red roof.
	That one.
	So imagine that completely down on the ground.
	Now, imagine you don't know a lot of information.
	Okay.
	Now, imagine somebody tells you there's an Asian living in there.
	You got me.
	I'm with you.
	And that's what happened.
	That word traveled to us and we went over there.
	And all it was was a burnt down pizza hut.
	But that's something that happened.
	It's like you never know what can happen if there's fire, if there's foul play.
	What did you think was going to happen if you found an Asian person in the hut?
	We didn't know there would be a hut.
	We thought it would be like a place of living.
	We thought it would be a, I don't know, a lean to whatever.
	We had no idea what an Asian lives in or whatever, an egg.
	You know what I'm saying?
	We had no idea of what it could be.
	We just knew if we get there, we'll see him.
	And we didn't.
	Fool's gold or fool's yellow.
	Oh my.
	So that's too much.
	That's too much.
	I love that.
	But dude, I wonder what the Barbies, like, I wonder if the Barbies are low-key like the Simpsons, where over the years, they've slowly been predicting the future.
	Like, cause they had like.
	They definitely have wheelchair Barbie.
	They did?
	Yeah, everyone sends me that.
	But I want a lot of people.
	Everyone sends you that?
	Yeah.
	And what do they say?
	Do you want this for Christmas or whatever?
	That's crazy.
	I mean, it's been going on since before I was a comedian.
	Like, random people would send me just thinking of you or something.
	Yeah, I'm like, thank you.
	Thank you.
	My hands don't work.
	I can't look at them.
	Oh, they have Down syndrome, Barbie.
	Oh, that's cool.
	Interesting.
	I guess you could.
	I mean, look at the, I mean, look at the group up there.
	And the black girl does her hair like that to keep it out of the wheels or whatever.
	It's like this is great, right?
	It's great stuff.
	But some of this stuff, I just wonder, are they?
	I guess it's just all about inclusion.
	There are a lot of people that are facing different disabilities or handicaps.
	Do you say handicaps?
	What do you, what do you, what's coming up?
	So I actually recently learned it's person by person.
	All people feel different, but for me, I prefer like disability, disabled.
	I think handicap is like a hint, like a thing, like a handicap parking spot or stall, you know?
	Yeah, handicap placard, like that thing that people hang.
	Like it's like an item, but I'm a person with a disability.
	Do you use handicap parking?
	Yeah.
	Fuck yeah.
	Yeah, it's worth it.
	It's worth it.
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	This show is sponsored by Liquid IV.
	Sometimes I get off stage and I'm a little bit, you know, I'm a little bit shook.
	I'm a little bit, yeah.
	You feel me?
	But I go backstage, I crack open a packet of liquid IV.
	I pour it into my water.
	I close it up.
	I shake it up.
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	What are some of the things that people don't realize?
	And I'm sorry if some of this is just like general questions you probably get all the time.
	What are some things that people don't realize about dealing with a disability or having an affliction that people kind of take for granted?
	That's like super easy.
	And then what are some things that are kind of nice about it?
	Because I was at a parade not long ago and I was, and this is fucked up.
	And I was like, God, if I were in a wheelchair, I could sit down right now.
	And I totally thought of that because I've been standing for like four hours and I was like, oh.
	And my friend lost his dog at a parade.
	And dude, this is the worst thing.
	He lost it and it ran into like a gay section of the parade, right?
	Along the parade route.
	So we're walking up and I'm like, oh, man.
	Like, I love gay people, you know, but I love them at a, you know, I don't want to be in there loving them or whatever, end up getting coked out or whatever.
	So, but when that dog ran in there, I'm like, dude, we cannot go.
	Like, most of the people were shirtless and just like be like everybody's on ecstasy, right?
	And I'm with my buddy, and he's like, dude, we have to fucking find him.
	He's like, he's fucking lost in here.
	And his dog's name, this is the worst part of Benjamin, right?
	So he's like, is Benjamin?
	He's just yelling Benjamin in this gay rave, dude.
	And my buddy's kind of like a handsome guy, dude.
	And he's like Whistling Benjamin And even sometimes, even just the men part, some people wouldn't turn at the benja, but at the men, they would just flip around.
	Oh, that was a nice dinner, bro.
	And he lost his dog for like a week and then somebody brought it back.
	Oh, my God.
	That was a blessing.
	Dog came back gay.
	The dog's like, he had, like, he hit his bone.
	He hit like half of it's poking out of his butt.
	You'll never guess where I hid that thing.
	That's very better.
	Dogs can absolutely show same-sex, sexual, and bonding behaviors, but scientists are cautious about calling that being gay in the human identity scene.
	I think that makes sense.
	Some dogs will mildly hump another dog, but it's almost just like two guys at the gym that keep high-fiving because they don't know how to express themselves verbally.
	Yeah.
	That's kind of how I look at that.
	Yeah.
	I thought it was just a dominance thing.
	The sex part?
	The humping.
	I could see that.
	Because I guess it's dominant between male and female.
	It's like a man will like at a woman.
	Men hate when you hump them.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I'll tell you what.
	What?
	Oh, you can have Celsius?
	Oh, hell yeah.
	But does that make like, have you ever had so much?
	You're just like, I'm out of here.
	I'm like Kool-Aid Man myself through.
	Sorry.
	She said, I like Kool-Aid Man myself out of the room.
	They're great or whatever.
	Why did all those cartoons just break down walls and furniture?
	That was fucking crazy.
	I don't know.
	Fucking handy men watching that, like not a gay.
	Dude, the guys had one cup of Kool-Aid and he just ruined mom's kitchen.
	What is in this?
	Oh, man.
	What were some of the first times whenever like your um whenever Friedrich Sotexia came along?
	What were some of the early signs?
	And did you misplace it for something else?
	This is good.
	So when I was 15, it started, I started walking weird.
	I was a volleyball player and I couldn't do like the practices.
	We would do suicides.
	You know what I mean?
	Yeah.
	And I would start like falling a little bit, just getting clumsy.
	My coach was like, you're, you know, not taking this seriously.
	I thought I was high.
	Did they bench you?
	Yeah.
	And so I, which is where you were going to end up anyway, which is insane.
	They were just getting me prepared for my future.
	They were like, sit down.
	You should be real good at this.
	Oh, man.
	That's so good.
	And did your parents pick up on it pretty quick?
	I mean, how did that kind of go?
	It's going to make you so mad.
	It is?
	Yeah.
	Maybe I. Why, were your parents drinking and stuff?
	Were they having a tough time?
	Oh, well, yeah.
	Yeah.
	But no, so 15, I was like, something's wrong.
	My principal was like, smell my breath because she thought I was drunk.
	Cause I would spill everything, drop everything, or talk to her.
	I get it.
	And the red hair too, probably.
	Yeah, yeah.
	That's like number one indicator.
	Yeah.
	You're St. Patrick's daughter in here.
	Something was wrong.
	Yeah.
	And then I went to my mom and I was like, I think I need to go to the doctor.
	I don't know what, but something.
	And my older sister had health issues that weren't this, but like different stuff.
	And so my mom was like.
	Acne or whatever.
	Well, yeah.
	But like scoliosis.
	Oh, God.
	I'm sorry.
	Yeah.
	Wow.
	And that's so, dude.
	And I'm very sorry.
	God.
	And that shows what like red, like, that shows what like somebody who doesn't have to deal with a common ailment thinks of as like yeah, that's actually so real.
	Um, no, I love it.
	Um, but she was like, you're copying your sister because my sister walked where we blamed it on other stuff and I had nothing wrong with me.
	And then I kind of got in trouble for faking it by my family a lot and yada yada.
	Then once I turned 18, it was my senior year of high school.
	She had to go that long dealing with it.
	And would it always be there?
	Or was just, is it just kind of every now and then?
	It was getting worse.
	Yeah, it was always all the time.
	I didn't know why.
	Like, I used to get in trouble.
	So I would, there was like an elevator in the school for like people that broke their legs or whatever.
	And I would use it.
	And I got detention all the time because I would fall down the stair the whole time and I didn't know why.
	Sorry.
	I'm not laughing.
	There's something wrong with my face and voice talks.
	Oh.
	That's insane.
	And did you was part of you still unsure too?
	Because I'm sure if a lot of your surroundings are like, nah, you're just not figuring this out correctly.
	Was part of you still kind of unsure too?
	Like, well, I, my, I was gaslit like crazy.
	I fully thought I had a mental issue and I was making this all up.
	Like, I, I really, I just wanted an answer.
	I fully believed it was something I could get fixed before I went to college.
	Like, I did not think it would be this serious.
	Yeah.
	So at 18, I went, I took myself to a neurologist.
	I eventually ended up being a neurologist, but I had to involve my mom in that.
	And she was like, fine, but like, this has to be the end of the road for the, like, they were so sick of me being like, something's wrong, you know?
	And then I was right.
	And then they were like, oh, my God, what's wrong with your sister?
	And they got her tested.
	Same shit.
	And my little brother, a year and a half ago got tested and he has it too, but he can still walk.
	So you cracked the code, really.
	Yeah, I ruined our family.
	Yeah.
	It's another way of saying that.
	Yeah.
	If you never figure it out, you're just a bunch of people who are just a bunch of weeble wobble.
	Yeah, dude.
	You're just a bunch of people who just break out of the electric slot every now and then.
	You're just doing the Cupid shuffle.
	Your mom's like, stop Cupid shuffling.
	Wow.
	And so, was that like, was that almost, was that like a real breakthrough moment for your family?
	Like, oh my God, this is what's been going on and for your sisters as well.
	Um, yeah, my mom felt so bad.
	Oh, like cried, and you know, because she had been telling me I was wrong, and I was just excited to be right.
	So, I didn't even like hear under I was 18, I didn't get the seriousness of it.
	And I was like, fuck you, for you for you, you know, like I'm celebrating that she was wrong and I was right.
	Oh, yeah, you know, yeah, I'm a vape.
	Yeah, dude, did they think it was that ever part of it?
	Like, oh, you're just vaping too much or whatever.
	Yeah, I smoked a lot of weed in high school too.
	I partied a lot, and then I got diagnosed and I party even more.
	So, I was like, What's the point of all this?
	Oh, did you go through a point where you were like depressed about life and stuff for six, seven years?
	No way, yeah.
	Oh, it was hard to like find a reason.
	I was like, Why am I in college now?
	Like, I don't have a future, right?
	Like, I'm not going to be a farmer, like a pharmacist, but but I guess you could still think.
	I mean, do you think looking back on that that there was different ways you could have gone with that thought process or just kind of that's just where you were?
	Because it's tough for somebody just to imagine what they would be like in that scenario.
	I think I'm sorry to go through that.
	That's hectic.
	Hey, it builds character if you make it out, you know.
	Um, and I'm grateful for that.
	I wouldn't be who I am today.
	I have more perspective now than I think most 29-year-olds do, probably.
	I don't know.
	I think it's important when you're given something that's serious and kind of life-altering to like allow yourself to mourn.
	Because I'm mourning what I thought I had, right?
	And I'm trying to like get accustomed to what I know I'm going to have or not have in the future, you know.
	And humans, we are, we adapt.
	I'm fine.
	People feel bad for me, and I'm like, you bought tickets to my show.
	I'm doing all right, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm happy.
	Yeah, I've never felt bad for you.
	I mean, I guess I guess some people probably could get in a space where they feel bad.
	I feel bad that you felt that way.
	I feel bad that's such a that's heart, that's heart-wrenching for somebody to, I think, have something that occurs in their life and then feel like maybe when you look back on that feeling, are you able to think like, did you feel like you didn't have like a lot of hope?
	Or did you feel like, was it like, woe is me?
	And all those things are normal.
	I could imagine it would be very normal to feel.
	Yeah.
	Um, I think hope because before that, I was pretty religious for a while.
	I really, I believed in God, and all that, not religious, but I was like spiritual.
	I believe in a higher power, and then that happened, and it kind of took the air out of all of it for me.
	And I was like, What'd I do?
	You know, I haven't even had time to like get the karma for this kind of information, you know.
	I'm sorry, what was the question?
	I think I forgot where I was going.
	I think just thinking about like what it's like, like to have like a prognosis like that, and then to think about like, or yeah, what it's like to have something come into your life that's big and that affects you in such a way.
	Um, and then to look back and think, like, um, yeah, what was I thinking at that moment?
	Was I like depressed?
	Uh, was I um hopeless, or did I doubt hope?
	Um, I thought it was interesting that you said, like, we mourn things.
	Uh, I know that's something that I don't do well these days in my life: is um take time to mourn things, like even if it's just kind of like um, something heavy happens, you know, it's like I'll just get back on my phone or I'll find something to distract me.
	Yeah, and when I'm distracting myself, even just my eyes and my uh focus, I'm distracting my ability to process through some of those things, you know.
	Um, but yeah, to mourn something is like that, it's almost like driving by an old house or something, or driving by a place you used to live at, or like even a snake when he shows his skin.
	I bet he probably looks back at least once and is like, damn, I used to be that.
	There's the old Buick, that was cool, just like that.
	So, like, old wheelchairs that don't work anymore.
	It's like, yeah, he looks back, he's like, Oh, I can't believe I used to wear skechers, and he's like, He just keeps moving along when you would have.
	Uh, and are we talking too much about um, your ailment stuff?
	I don't care, okay.
	Um, because I think it's fascinating to me.
	I know that you had a series that was called, uh, or that has a series on YouTube, and it's called Capable, yeah, right?
	How have you been able to grab comedy out of some of these different moments and things that you see?
	Because you probably have such a unique perspective on the world that that's probably something that's honestly kind of amazing.
	Is like your perspective on society and the way that we operate has got to be super interesting.
	It is weird, that's funny.
	I did capable before comedy, and so like writing that, and like it wasn't even writing it.
	I just feel like this happened the other day, I want to reenact it.
	Like, all of it's true, like in my comedy, it's all true too.
	Like, I don't have to make stuff up, but like it's hard because you don't want all your jokes to be like wheelchair, wheelchair, but it's like I experience everything from this vantage point.
	You know, you talk about like I walked into the room, stop talking about walking.
	Yeah, yeah, you're right.
	No, you're right.
	Well, I think it's also a fascinating vantage point, though, because it's a vantage point that a lot of people don't get that a lot of people don't experience or probably till they get older, yeah.
	Um, or certain or or some most people probably don't.
	Um, yeah, has there ever been like an Uber that like they see you and they kind of shake you off, like a pitcher, like a pitcher that gets like a pitch called in from the catcher or whatever, and you just kind of like, we're not doing it.
	I've had so many Uber drivers now.
	I'll like hide and have my Apollo friends go to the car and open the door, and then I'll be like, ha, yeah, because they'll just drive off.
	That happens so much.
	Once I'm at Dober, but oh, wait, this is crazy.
	I forgot about this.
	Okay, um, under okay, there used to be a show, or maybe it still exists called Stone Cold Sober, and it's like teams of three comics against each other.
	Um, and one of you is drunk, one stone, one sober, right?
	So, I'm on that show, and it's like four years ago.
	And which one are you on it?
	I'm the drunk one, okay?
	Okay, I'm pretty good at that, and um, but because I knew I was drinking and they don't give you free drinks, so I drank at my house before I Ubered there.
	I get the lady Uber driver.
	Her trunk is full.
	So we have to put my chair in her back seat.
	My neighbor has to come to it because she won't do it.
	She's like whacked out.
	She's an autistic Barbie.
	Worse.
	Several diverse.
	She, I don't know.
	She was like on drugs I could not recognize kind of thing.
	Oh, that's always kind of fun.
	Yeah, I'm like trying to Google a smell.
	It's real hard.
	You're like Googling bath salts.
	I'm like, holding JPEGs up, too.
	So I just send the passengers frenzy.
	She's crazy.
	Car smells weird.
	She's swerving.
	It's not good.
	And I'm like stressed out.
	And she's ranting.
	I'm kind of just like pushed up against the side of the car trying to ignore her.
	What something was wrong with her vagina?
	She was talking about how Jesus sent her to Nashville from California to save all of us from the liberals.
	Yeah, so thankful for her.
	No, I'm glad she's here.
	Yeah, I'm glad.
	I'm glad.
	Fucking Christopher Columba.
	I'm glad.
	Yeah, fuck.
	I was going to try to make a joke, but my brain doesn't work good anymore.
	Anyway, I'm rubbing up on you.
	It's not good.
	Dude, if I catch this, it would be so bad.
	Oh, no, take us through the story, though, because that is unbelievable.
	When you get in a thing, you're like, oh my God, now I'm at the whims of it.
	If this lady sees one person dressed up in a Civil War outfit, she's going to hit them with her vehicle, you know.
	And okay, so she's ranting about this.
	She's swerving.
	I mean, Mira's still in my neighborhood, and she's almost hitting parked cars.
	I'm like, hey, girl, please look at the road.
	You know, she's yelling at me.
	You're trying to use female associates.
	Hey, girlfriend.
	What are you doing?
	Hey, Queen.
	There's a car.
	Hey, Queen Red Light.
	No, and she's talking about how the liberals are trying to take her guns.
	Oh, yeah.
	Okay.
	Well, that could be true.
	Yeah.
	But not the time I'm going to be able to do that.
	I think everyone's trying to take your guns, though.
	I don't think it's.
	Oh, that's true.
	I agree.
	That's a great point.
	That's crazy.
	Yeah.
	That's a great point.
	Everybody's trying to take it these days.
	But then I'm not, I'm literally just like, you know, and we're on the interstate, and she is ranting about the gun thing, opens the glove box in front of me, pulls the gun out.
	Sorry, this is so crazy.
	And again, remember, I'm drunk.
	I'm drunk.
	And this woman swerving.
	She's like a L'Angelo Ball fan or something.
	But like, she's not like threatening to shoot me.
	It's more like, see, they can't take it, like, making a point.
	Right, they'll never find it here.
	Right.
	In this glove box, which is probably just an extension of her.
	Right.
	No, and then I'm like not looking at her because I'm crying a little bit.
	You know, it's all girl stuff.
	And she's like, oh, are you on your period?
	And you're like, no, I'm not on my period.
	There's an insane.
	She was like, oh my god, it sings up.
	She's like, 11-11, make a wish.
	She's like, did you wish for more ovulation?
	This is getting insane.
	Oh, Jay.
	Sorry.
	Ming said just Scorpio.
	Oh, man.
	But I'm not, I'm not looking at her because I don't want her to say I'm panicking.
	And so she pokes me in the arm with the gun.
	Oh, my God.
	That's probably, did she know that you couldn't feel it if she poked you in the legs?
	She wanted to make sure I could.
	She wanted to make sure you could feel it.
	And then so I'm like, I'm like, I haven't told those stories in so long.
	Do you tell this on stage?
	No, I told them on stage once.
	You've got to tell this on stage.
	This is one of the best stories ever to me.
	But go on.
	Sorry.
	Oh, my God.
	Okay.
	So I'm panicking.
	She's got the gun.
	I'm just driving.
	Yes.
	And she's just kind of waving around.
	Hey, look at me.
	Hey, yeah.
	Again, not threatening to shoot me.
	Just right.
	Just got it.
	Got it.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	That mommy's strapped.
	That she got that Draco on her.
	And are you?
	And what are y'all listening to?
	It's quiet.
	Oh, yes.
	Yeah.
	I'm just listening to her brand.
	I hadn't even thought about that.
	It was totally quiet.
	That's the best.
	When people play too much music, or, and this is an all-call, but this is from me, and it's just my thoughts.
	These are my thoughts.
	If you're an Uber driver or somebody that works in like operating like transportation, that sort of thing, if you keep that thing on, that's like right turn in seven seconds.
	I will never tip somebody if they have that.
	Turn that thing off.
	Just at least just look at the drawing.
	The worst is when they ask what music you want to just do, turn it on, and then that interrupts every 20 seconds.
	And you're like.
	The music does?
	No, the oh, they interrupted's talk?
	The sound.
	Oh, yeah.
	It's all anyway.
	I ruined your story.
	Let's go.
	So you guys are rolling together.
	So I'm trying to be chill because I don't want to freak her out.
	Yeah.
	You know?
	For sure.
	She has a gun.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	She has a gun and she's driving you somewhere.
	Yeah.
	You don't want to freak out your captor.
	I guess that's exactly what you.
	So I'm, there's like a group text for the show I'm headed to.
	And so I'm like, I'm scared as anyone at the venue.
	My Uber driver has a gun.
	I'm like live texting.
	All the gods are like, sorry, not there.
	I don't think anyone believed me.
	Yeah.
	And then there was one girl in the group text that I didn't know at the time.
	And she was like, oh my God, I'm hurrying to the venue.
	I'll try to meet you there.
	And I was like, please, please, please, we're three minutes away, two minutes, you know.
	Oh, yeah, there, and no one's there.
	I am so panicked.
	And again, my wheelchair is in the back seat.
	And I'm wearing shoes like these with heels.
	I didn't mean to make that sound.
	I meant yes.
	Sorry.
	That was insane.
	Your husband's in here.
	And I think my body just didn't know what sound to do.
	Those are nice.
	Carry on.
	There you go.
	Thank you.
	That's so my body didn't know that.
	Well, I think it just picked the wrong sound.
	It's been a tough, it's been a tough year.
	Okay.
	It's only chance.
	I know.
	I'm like, damn.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	Tell us what happened.
	So we pull up.
	No one's there.
	I'm freaking out.
	Nobody's there.
	So now she thinks, oh, this bitch got me running around in circles.
	I swear.
	I'm so full of adrenaline.
	I jump out of the car and pull my own wheelchair out.
	Wow.
	So, like, gun to my head, I can walk.
	You can make it happen.
	Yeah.
	Gosh.
	That's a lot.
	That's crazy.
	You pull that Draco out that glove box.
	Yeah.
	Like, really insane.
	That scared me.
	So then I got weirder, though.
	Do you have weird stories in that?
	It's the same night.
	Nuh-uh.
	Well.
	Do you want to go there?
	Carry on.
	Okay.
	So I do.
	I show up at the venue.
	I'm like hyperventilating, crying.
	You know, like I'm inside.
	I'm safe, but I'm painting.
	Very scary.
	Yeah.
	And everyone's like, oh my God.
	And I go to the bar because that sobered me up.
	And I'm, I don't know.
	I was like, I'm going to get drunk.
	I don't know what's happening.
	Yeah.
	I don't know what else to do.
	I'm a human.
	Right.
	Yeah.
	I'm freaking out.
	I'm alone.
	I was single at the time.
	So I didn't like have anyone to be like, please come get me.
	You know.
	And so I go to the bar at Third Ghost and this married couple who I had met at the airport in Las Vegas a couple months back were there because I'd posted online.
	Oh, and they came to the show.
	Oh, that's pretty cool.
	And they were like, I told them because they were the only ones I knew, kind of.
	And they were like, oh my God, and they're buying me a bunch of drinks.
	So I do this show.
	I bomb.
	Well, yeah, you had freaking Stockholm syndrome.
	What do you mean?
	You bombed.
	You were basically the Elizabeth Smart of comedy that night.
	You didn't bomb.
	You did your best, I feel like.
	After being held hostage.
	And what kind of car was it?
	Do you remember?
	A shit, like a Nissan Ultima.
	Oh, dude.
	Nissan Ultimas.
	People have given birth in those more than any other vehicle in the past 10 years.
	I almost was given dead then.
	You're a white one.
	Yep.
	That is the purgatory of existence, dude.
	If you're in a Nissan Ultima, things are headed up or down.
	You're not doing great.
	You're at a confluence in your life.
	You're at a fork in the road.
	You're at a fork in the road, dude.
	Oh, my God.
	Okay, so a couple's buying you shots.
	They're from Vegas.
	So I do this show afterwards because I had told them about that.
	I was scared to Uber.
	You know?
	And so they were like, we'll drive you home.
	And I was like, okay, thank you.
	And they get me in their car, but, you know, and they go, hey, before we take you home, we want you to come to this bar with us first.
	And I was like, okay.
	And so we go to some bar.
	I'm pretty drunk.
	Okay.
	And I get carried upstairs to a VIP area by some security guy.
	It sounds almost like Cinderella.
	Oh, Rapunzel.
	Yeah.
	All of them.
	Well, you might have to rappel down too.
	So who knows?
	Rappelle is just falling.
	Bill's a nice way to know.
	And then I don't know.
	I'm just sitting in my wheelchair, not approaching anyone, just kind of drinking like quietly.
	I'm freaked out.
	It's a private party.
	I don't know who anyone is.
	They all have face tattoos.
	Like, it looks like a biker gang, maybe.
	Like, I didn't care, though.
	Might have been jelly roll doing one of those booty boot camp classes or whatever.
	He does some of those halfway house booty boot camp classes, I think.
	But go on.
	Oh, I'm ruining your story.
	No.
	And, you know, someone's just giving me a new drink every time mine's gone.
	It's the Kennedy treatment.
	Yeah, the Kennedy treatment.
	And I realized there's one guy everyone's like trying to talk to.
	So I'm like, it must be his party.
	You know, and he comes up to me at like 2 a.m.
	And he's like, hey, we're having an after party at my like apartment or whatever.
	If you want to come, what's your name?
	I was like, I'm Fiona.
	What's yours?
	And he was like, you can call me Michael.
	And I was like, okay.
	And so Michael.
	Biblical name.
	Good sign.
	Michael has.
	Michael Myers.
	Was he wearing a mask?
	Is that Michael Myers?
	Yeah.
	Hell yeah.
	I get stuff.
	He carries.
	He has the security carrying me down.
	And we're all, it's like his posse and me and Michael.
	He goes on the Instagram story.
	I'm in the video.
	And the married couple's being weird to me.
	And the wife keeps trying to get on my lap.
	And Michael didn't like that.
	And so we had a security kick them out.
	And so we get to his apartment.
	The elevator opens to his apartment.
	That's like rich money.
	I had never seen that kind of money.
	That's rich.
	There was like motorcycles inside.
	It's huge.
	And he has like a chef and a bartender.
	Is it Michael Strahan?
	Carry on.
	So I'm in there.
	I have two more guesses.
	I'm in there.
	I'm in there.
	And there is one guy that was at the Third Coast show that was tagging along for some reason.
	He was like a ballerina.
	Literally.
	Let's go on.
	Sorry.
	I know your husband's in here.
	Hope everybody's with God.
	He's a ballerina.
	He's a male ballerina.
	Oh, yeah.
	I used to live with a guy.
	He wasn't in ballerina.
	What was he?
	Like one of those frozen ballerina?
	He was an ice skater.
	Frozen?
	This dude was a mixed dude, too.
	Wait, this guy was Mexican.
	Your guy was Mexican?
	Yeah.
	My guy was mixed.
	Black and white.
	Okay.
	Or black and white and something.
	Okay.
	And yeah, but he would, every now and then, he would have a couple of drinks and he would take us outside.
	He never wanted us to see his craft or whatever.
	That's what he would say all the time.
	So he wouldn't invite us to any of his performances or whatever.
	But every now and then he'd get drunk and he'd take us outside and he would jump sideways over a car.
	And it was pretty amazing to watch him do it.
	Anyway, carry on.
	It's just some mix guy that I shared an apartment with for a month.
	Let's go.
	Sorry, not let's go.
	I'm enjoying this story.
	So you're there.
	It's nice.
	There's like fancy stuff, outdoor stuff that should be inside.
	That's when somebody's rich, when they have like a car in the living room or they have motorcycles.
	I'm like, how'd this get up here?
	When they make you think about it.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	And all the girls, they're very good, though, gang.
	I was like, why the fuck am I here at like blonde, big fake boobs?
	Like everyone beautiful covering tattoo.
	And this is in Nashville?
	Uh-huh.
	Wow.
	And I'm like, I still don't know where I am.
	And Michael feeding me drinks too, but he was like, are you hungry?
	And he had someone make me pasta and pizza.
	And there's like a video of him feeding it to me.
	Really?
	And then he put his number in my phone.
	And then I had the ballerina drive me home.
	Wow.
	And then the next morning, I woke up to like 60 missed phone calls from my friends being like, are you alive?
	Because apparently I was all over this guy's Instagram story and stuff.
	Do you know who Yellow Wolf is?
	It was him.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	He like saved me that night.
	He saved you from the swingers?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Oh, that was sweet of him.
	And he like made sure it was okay.
	He was very nice.
	I have not seen him since then.
	Wow.
	I saw him.
	We hung out one night in Los Angeles.
	I got to check in with him.
	I haven't talked to him in a while.
	We kind of, I think he, I think he lives in Nashville or he did.
	Yeah.
	At that time.
	He's had some great songs over the years.
	Yeah, dude.
	We used to jam his shit heavy.
	We used to definitely, oh, dude, being white and being like, fuck them, and then just replay, just who anybody could be them, you know?
	Dude, we would fucking listen to his shit a lot, dude.
	Mostly was against like rich people or whatever.
	Yeah, fuck them.
	Yeah, I never was, I never really liked the rich, really.
	You know, because we had a ditch in our yard, right?
	And it was in our yard or whatever.
	I think the government owned it.
	Somebody owned it, whatever.
	We didn't.
	But in our neighborhood, people would burn trash.
	That's how they got rid of trash, you know?
	So people just burn trash in the ditch because a lot of times people would forget to get it out to the curb or sometimes people didn't have the cans or whatever, you know, so people just always be burning trash in the ditch.
	And we'd be running and jumping through the soot all the time, right?
	So we'd, so from 50 feet away, we looked like a group of young African-American children, you know, or blacks.
	Yeah.
	And anyway, that's not even part of the story.
	That's just something that happened a lot.
	But what happened was rich people, there was a rich guy who was a veterinarian or whatever, and he would drive through our neighborhood and he would take like dead animals and stuff out of the trunk and he would throw their bodies out into our like ditch and like, just like getting rid of them on the way to like some other rich area or whatever you know, because our, our street was like a pass-through between like a couple rich areas kind of, and so they would just like.
	So it always made me angry at rich people because what type of dead animals dogs, things that had died, I think of just that had been put.
	Dogs sorry, and that's the worst one.
	Oh my god dude, I could have said any other one, and hold on, he wasn't.
	He wasn't like some dogster or whatever like or like a dexter.
	I mean sorry, but he, he wasn't.
	He was a youth and he was a veterinarian and I think he was having to put these animals to sleep and some of them they would dispose of.
	You know, this wasn't a time when people would keep their dogs.
	This was the time when a lot of dogs weren't in inside.
	I feel like you're lying to me, like i'm a little gig because you're like no, you know what they're.
	They're at the farm.
	Oh no yeah, they're safe, they're all alive.
	Now actually, they're in a special area.
	Oh yeah, he would get rid of some of the carcasses and stuff in our neighborhood.
	And I think when I was a kid, that was like a rich guy because it was a nice car.
	So I think I associated like oh, rich people are like that, like they just throw out the junk for poor people to deal with.
	You know, and we're out here fucking, and then we ended up throwing bones at each other and after it would like decay or whatever.
	So it's so gross.
	Well, we didn't know, we didn't, we didn't have it.
	Nobody in our neighborhood had a dog.
	We didn't have a dog.
	We had like a couple of dangerous dogs that would travel around the neighborhood and attack people for no reason.
	Like dogs.
	Well, we didn't have any like semblance of them.
	Yeah yeah, none of my friends had dogs.
	He had a dangerous doberman.
	Nobody I knew had a cat growing up.
	There were some cats that lived outside and were up to very bad things.
	Okay.
	And obviously worked for the Satan.
	Okay.
	There's no denying that they work for the Satan.
	And yeah.
	So yeah, people were not.
	Nobody was anti-animalia in our area, but that wasn't something that people had on a regular basis.
	I remember the first time I went to my friend's house and they had an indoor dog and it was a golden retriever, which, first of all, how nice that you have so much gold, you can have an animal just go get some of it for you.
	Like that blew my mind when they told me what it was.
	I was like, this is unbelievable.
	Like we can't even go in our apartment two days a week because some of the gas issues.
	And these people have an animal that will just run off and grab a mouthful of bullion whenever you need it.
	And I remember seeing it's just long, beautiful hair, and it looked like a beautiful woman to me.
	I remember like, that thing is beautiful.
	It was better looking than most of the women in our area.
	It looked like Suzanne Summers.
	Bring up Suzanne Summers.
	Let's get a gander at her.
	This is one of the funniest times I've had on a podcast in probably two years.
	Don't you think, Trevin?
	This is great.
	Thank you so much.
	Oh my God, I'm having a butt ass.
	That's her when she came in right there.
	That when I saw that gold retriever for sure, that was her.
	She was like the icon.
	Throw some teal earrings on that dog.
	Put some teal earrings at what you said.
	Oh, dude.
	Yeah.
	That's perfect.
	That thing could have worked.
	Volunteered to work in the nurse's office at our school.
	Yeah.
	I would have been sick.
	I'm mean to you for being a little late to class.
	Oh, it's burging orders, man.
	Let's go into a new section.
	I'm going to take a break for one second.
	Do you have to pee or anything?
	I'm good.
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	Thank you.
	Sometimes, I mean, I know a lot of people that just like do research and like let the morality of stuff go.
	And I'm like, okay, that can all be true.
	But like, imagine that was your sister, brother, or whatever.
	Yeah.
	And we're talking about the Renee Good shooting.
	Let's put the ICE shooting that happened.
	And this is one clip of it.
	We'll show this clip.
	I know there's different angles of clips.
	I'm not going to get into like a lot of the angular stuff, that sort of thing.
	but I do want to cover this a little bit because we haven't talked about it on here.
	We don't change our plates every morning, just so you know.
	It'll be the same plate when you come talk to us later.
	That's fine.
	You have citizens full of clubs.
	And this is a lady and her girlfriend who are out, and they're protesting these ICE agents.
	Renego was involved with an activist group called Minnesota Ice Watch, acting as a legal observer, documenting what's going on, et cetera.
	Okay, play it up.
	I say, go get yourself some lunch, big boy.
	Yeah, go ahead.
	Get out of the car.
	Get out of the fucking car.
	Get out of the car.
	And then there's three shots.
	And the woman, the woman's deceased, right?
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	I mean, this is just baffling.
	What are some of your first thoughts?
	Do you even want to talk about this?
	Yeah, no, I think that's important.
	Well, okay.
	So I found out that the defense I keep hearing for this ICE agent is that he six months ago or so was dragged 200 feet or something by a vehicle.
	And I'm like, he shouldn't have been working.
	Yeah.
	SPTSD.
	It says the immigration and customs enforcement agent who shot and killed 37-year-old Renee Nicole Good in Minneapolis on Wednesday was dragged by a car in the line of duty last summer, according to court records.
	So there was documentation that that happened to him.
	Ross needed more than 50 stitches and had abrasions on his knee, elbow, and face, according to court papers.
	So obviously he has PTSD in this situation.
	I don't think there's any way that you couldn't.
	Right.
	Like he's going to be trigger happy if you're telling me as trauma related to vehicles.
	For sure, this is the last place that he should be.
	Right.
	My thoughts on it, I think nobody deserves to lose their life in an instance like this, right?
	Like the guy shouldn't have shot the woman.
	He could have shot the vehicle.
	Yes, or let the vehicle go and deal with it later and find a way to deal with it later on.
	Those are some of my first thoughts.
	I have a couple of others.
	You know, I think as far as like the agitators go, which I think is safe to call them, like at a certain point, you have to recognize that people are just people, right?
	So if someone's a doctor, they're wearing a doctor's coat.
	If they're wearing a police uniform, a fire uniform, a principal, they're just people.
	So they're still like flawed, right?
	They're still just a regular person like you and I.
	And we know what it's like to be a person.
	It's hectic.
	And it's hectic more than ever.
	I know you want to have an effect, but this just felt like.
	Yeah, it's just there are so many other ways to go about it.
	For sure.
	I doubt she had ever been face to face with someone that had a gun like that.
	Because I'd be scared.
	Right.
	Oh, I'd be super scared.
	I'd be super scared.
	A guy pull because if an officer pulls his weapon out, they don't usually pull it out unless they're going to use it.
	Right.
	Or unless they're probably, they fear the threat of death.
	I think that's supposed to be why they pull it out.
	When is an officer supposed to pull their weapon out?
	Can you look that up for me, Trevin?
	That's kind of interesting.
	Because I feel like I watch a ton of police body game, but they always pull out their taser first.
	Yeah.
	Oh, well, I don't think anything should have been pulled out here.
	Like, I just don't know if this had happened six other times down this street where this woman is moving their car and then blocking in front of them.
	You know what I'm saying?
	I'm not saying anything justifies it.
	I'm just saying at a certain point, it's a bad idea to mill around somebody that has a gun and be doing anything.
	Like, I'm the kind of guy, if when people show up with guns, I'm out.
	I'm out of the room.
	I'm out of the room.
	I'm out of the house.
	If somebody, like, I'm at a party, somebody wants to show somebody a gun.
	I'm out of here.
	If I'm at a hunting camp and somebody pulls out a gun, I'm out of here.
	I'm out of here, dude.
	I'm out of here.
	A police officer, reasonable belief of threat.
	The primary justification is the officer's reasonable belief that there's an imminent danger of death or serious physical injury to themselves or other persons.
	From my look of view, and from the videos I've seen, it seemed to me like he wasn't going to get run over.
	Yeah.
	But when you factor in the fact that that had happened to him, I'm not surprised that he would overreact.
	It's just a stupid situation that really felt like it didn't have to happen.
	Well, also, the scary part about that is this is like someone that's like a government person.
	And so her being, you know, annoying or aggravating or whatever.
	I mean, they're like in the U.S., I think there's like a certain level, maybe not anymore, but there was like of a belief that like, oh, you know, I'm safe and I'm an American.
	Like I can talk or, you know, I can express my beliefs, that sort of thing.
	Yeah.
	And if this goes unchecked, it scares me for what that means.
	What is reasonable after this?
	Yeah, I get that for sure.
	It's hard to know if this had been going on for two hours before this or if this had just all happened in like 30 seconds.
	That's a tough thing to know.
	But what it's what to your point is we're going to get into a place where there's a lot more, I feel like this like vigilante journalism type of thing, where even with like the guy Nick Shirley, who went and tracked down the like Somalian, the Somalian healthcare fraud, you're going to have more of that.
	And are you going to have more people out here who want to go out and contest the police?
	Yeah, it's it overall in the end for me, it gets weirder and weirder that we're just getting to these more comfortable places.
	Like you and I are able to sit here and watch a video where somebody got killed.
	Like we don't see the bullets hit them and stuff like that, but we know what happened.
	And we're in a place now where like we're just like, yeah, let's talk about it.
	Like it's not, yeah, that's terrifying.
	It's pretty scary.
	One of the things that's happened that's caused a lot of this is they let so many people into the country without proper documentation and without proper checking in.
	Like we had some border patrol agents on where they would, when people were coming across the border, they would have to meet later with an agent at a certain point.
	Like because they were so overwhelmed, it would be like, okay, you have to meet with an agent at this point.
	And so many people were not making those appointments.
	And so people were just in America undocumented, right?
	And I just believe that everybody should have documentation.
	I believe there's fair ways to be in the country.
	I believe that we need a proper immigration in and out.
	I'm a huge believer in that.
	Pew Research Center reported 14 million undocumented immigrants in 2023, a record high that likely peaked further before declining in 2025 under stricter enforcement.
	But what I'm saying is this is one of the reasons why there's so much of this ICE stuff, why there's so much ICE going on, because there's so many people that are up to no good, that don't want to have any laws, that want to hide from documentation, that want to hide from being here legally.
	And then what's wilder from there is the process of becoming an ICE agent.
	Have you seen some of this?
	No.
	So U.S. citizenship is required.
	What's required, Trevin, are you on Mike?
	So U.S. citizenship is required.
	No felony convictions or misdemeanor, domestic violence offenses are allowed.
	You have to pass drug tests, medical exams, background checks.
	It says here for entry-level positions, you typically need a bachelor's degree, but some it there was reports of some recent ICE recruitments stating that undergraduate degrees are not always needed.
	So it's kind of like a gray area as far as that goes.
	Go back up.
	What's the age restrictions on it?
	Didn't they change that recently?
	Let me see.
	Applicants must generally be referred for selection before age 40.
	The recent policy changes under Secretary Noam have removed strict age limits to attract more candidates with waivers available for veterans and prior federal law enforcement.
	So you can be getting a lot of different types.
	Did you see some of the posters, though, and some of the campaigns?
	Can you show some of that?
	See if you have some of that.
	Oh, my God.
	So it's like.
	Why is he trying to like, that's like a thirst trap.
	You're an old man thirst trap.
	Well, for sure, because I think they opened up the age restrictions.
	In an effort to hire more ICE agents, the federal government has lowered the age limit.
	This poster is part of the Department of Homeland Security's push to hire 10,000 ICE agents.
	Previously, agents had to be under the age of 40.
	Now that has changed.
	This is like, yeah, you want this ice, baby.
	He looks like he's not wearing pants.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	And he wants you to know.
	Yeah.
	You want this warm ice?
	You know who he looks a little bit like?
	Is Josh Dumel a little bit?
	Can you see that a little?
	A little bit.
	Yeah.
	Josh, and he might be upset that I said that, but no.
	He's a good-looking motherfucker.
	Dude.
	Oh, my God.
	I honestly, I know him some.
	Is he hot in real life?
	Dude.
	He's so handsome and he knows.
	He doesn't, honestly, he doesn't act like he's like, he doesn't act like he's the most handsomest guy around.
	Really?
	No, not around me.
	I'm a man.
	But he might in other circumstances.
	But dude, he's so handsome.
	Dude, he's so handsome.
	I'm married.
	Take him off the screen.
	Thank you.
	Please, God.
	The woman's already dealing with a lot.
	You're keeping that up there.
	He's so handsome.
	Sometimes I don't even want to go back home.
	It's like, I can't keep living like this.
	Like, what, what visual squalor are the rest of us living in?
	Dude, if this man gets to operate like that.
	Imagine how I feel.
	I'm in a fucking wheelchair and he gets looked like that.
	Yeah, but you're still, you're hot, though.
	For now.
	Yeah, well, look.
	I'm a pumpkin, brother.
	But that's just because of the hair, I think.
	You can change that.
	You can change that with a box of VO5, honey.
	But no, that's one of the posters, Trevin.
	Yeah, posted by DHS.
	It almost has like a baseball, like you get like the baseball umpire.
	You could umpire whether somebody should be in the country or not.
	The type of people this is for are not the people that should be doing this job.
	And like it feels, yeah, like they're like, hey, does no one respect you at home?
	Come on out here.
	And like, I bet you do get some of that energy where people, that's the thing.
	It's like in the end, the people who are officers, police, anything, they're just people.
	Like they're taking those feelings of whatever's happening to them at home, whatever's in the rest of their life, whatever else has occurred, and they're taking them out there.
	And we also expect like guys to also be, I mean, I think this poster is kind of crazy.
	I do think that they like just kind of expanded to try and just get more people in.
	This feels like it's like, oh, you're the umpire and you're calling safe.
	You know, you're calling safe and out.
	You can decide who's safe and out of America.
	You know, I think that's the kind of energy I get from this poster a little bit.
	But, but, but, yeah, everybody takes whatever it is into the world with them.
	You know, and it's like, even though we put on certain uniforms or certain like costumes or certain name tags, like whether you're the principal or a teacher, like it's still just a person.
	And that's why I feel like to be out there, like, just taunting a person, whether the person's a police, anybody, it's like, it's a danger.
	Especially these days, it feels dangerous to like engage in stuff in public, it feels like.
	But this poster does say ICE hiring 10,000 agents with a $50,000 hiring bonus.
	That's wild.
	Yeah.
	Now that makes me want to dust off the old umpire uniform.
	Look at this.
	Somebody caught this.
	A nice agent was caught slipping on ice.
	And you know what's the craziest thing these days?
	You don't even know if this is a real ICE agent.
	There's so many people out there that are just cosplaying and getting involved in shit.
	It's like you just don't even know what's real anymore.
	And the government could create or the government or different entities could create videos like this just to get us agitated.
	It's a wild time.
	Yeah.
	And the AI of it all.
	That could totally have been AI.
	We'd have no idea.
	It's getting really scary.
	We'll say there have been a couple of AI videos of me, but they can't make even AI me walk.
	And I find that disheartening.
	You think, huh?
	Just one more protein.
	Come on.
	Was it prolactin?
	Is that what you said was?
	Pro-taxin.
	You have a good memory.
	I do.
	Has there been like, like, was there ever times where you tried like alternative methods of medicine?
	Like, did you ever go to like Honolulu or something?
	Like, was there stuff like that?
	I've never been to Honolulu.
	They never took you to like an exotic place to get a new voice.
	Oh, they took me to a New Jersey during COVID.
	And they locked me in a hospital for a month because we weren't normally.
	Okay.
	That's unfair.
	Usually people get to go.
	You go to like New Zealand or you're going to, you know, somewhere in the Amazonia.
	And you got New Jersey.
	What part?
	What the?
	Trenton, huh?
	It's like, it's like 45 minutes from New York.
	Newark.
	Yes.
	Yes.
	Yeah.
	During the winter.
	Nightmare.
	Yeah.
	And you think walking in snow is hard?
	Trot is having your husband drag you through it.
	Yeah.
	And every two seconds, I'm like, are you mad at me?
	What therapies did you try?
	Or what was something that you tried that was kind of novel or new?
	There's the thing that the reason I'm like emotionally okay now, I do have a lot of faith that medicine will catch up.
	Like the one I did out there was a for toxin replacement therapy.
	So they're trying to figure out how to get it back in your body.
	And then at that point, it would be me relearning how to walk.
	They do believe they'll cure me and my, like, but then the next 10, five or 10 years, you're not going to like me as much when I can walk.
	Whoa, that's going to be crazy.
	So, was there a time when you felt like there would be no cure?
	Yeah.
	Well, when I got diagnosed, I was like, all right, now we know.
	So, what do I do?
	And they were like, there's nothing.
	And they were like, well, your life expectancy is 40.
	Yeah.
	And I was like, fuck.
	And they're like, you're going to lose the ability to walk, talk, see, hear, like all of it.
	So I'm Helen Keller.
	Right.
	And yeah, it was pretty fucking dark.
	But now I am on a med called Sky Claris, which is the only treatment out there for FA what I have.
	And I mean, it hasn't been around long enough to like have like long-term research done.
	So there's a little bit of being a guinea pig in it.
	Yeah, my whole life has been elaborate.
	That's, yeah, and I'm okay with it, you know, but it's just three pills every day.
	And it's supposed to like pause the progression, which I am a-okay with.
	Like, if I can stay this way and not turn into Stephen Hawking, you know?
	Yeah.
	That's my.
	He did get to go to cool places.
	Did he have this same thing?
	No, he did, LS, which is way worse.
	Oh, it is?
	Yeah.
	And are you guys ever at odds with like that kind of stuff?
	Like, do you, or is there, is it, it's probably very similar, like type of experience?
	Um, I think it's worse because it's quicker and you're definitely gonna pet he lived for a long time, but he was also kind of kind of a dick.
	Was he?
	Yeah.
	He was on Epstein's fly log.
	Did you say that?
	But some people deserve to go over there.
	He was cheating on his fucking wife.
	Yeah, dude.
	You can't cheat without help.
	That's crazy.
	Oh, that's a good point.
	Wow.
	So somebody else is.
	Doug grabbed his hand.
	Those teeth are crazy.
	He's like a mean little dog.
	Oh, my God.
	I'm so sorry.
	We're going to go to hell for.
	Yeah.
	No, but it definitely.
	Yeah.
	It reminds me of my stepdad had a dog.
	I don't know if he was my stepdad or not, but he had a dog named Muffy.
	And at the end, it was just blind or whatever, but it had these teeth.
	And he would always brush them in front of us.
	And I was like, what are we doing?
	What are we doing?
	You know, he'd brush them like 40 times a day.
	He would brush that dog's teeth.
	I think he felt like because it couldn't.
	He's a movie mouth kissing it.
	What the hell?
	He probably was, dude.
	And the dog had like kind of those brown like marks around his mouth that, you know, they'll let him get those kind of tire burns, like those little white poodle dogs.
	Yeah, it's like a kid with the Gatorade.
	Yeah, it's like a kid with the Gatorade, but yeah, it's like brown all around their mouth and stuff.
	They get that.
	Yeah.
	Oh, that actually looks cute.
	That makes me sad.
	Muffy.
	Muffy was all right, I think.
	I don't know.
	My mom knew her a little bit better.
	I didn't know her.
	I don't even know if she was a female.
	Sounds like she had better bread than me 40 times a day.
	Oh, he would brush that dog's teeth.
	God, he would brush them bitches till they were just fucking shining.
	I mean, just fucking, just like it just looked like a belt buckle right out there hanging out the front of his mouth.
	I mean, yeah, anyway, what are we talking about?
	So that has to be totally wild.
	So there was a time in your life when you went, you were like, wow, so my life is only going to be so much longer.
	And then there's a time now where you feel like it will be different.
	Yeah.
	And it's weird being given sort of a death sentence.
	Like, you know.
	Did you do some things you were like, oh, I'm treating myself some crazy?
	Like, there's no reason for me to care about anything.
	And now I'm like, fuck, I'm going to be here longer.
	Like, I was a slut for a long time because I was like, me too.
	Once I'm in a wheelchair, it's over.
	You know what I mean?
	So I'm like, oh, yeah, that's a good point, dude.
	Right?
	So I'm like, I'm going to fuck everyone I came like a walk into.
	Sorry too much.
	I'll pull back.
	Edit that out.
	No, no, that's fine.
	I just, yeah, yeah.
	Well, yeah, people get out there.
	You gotta.
	Did you feel like you would ever find love?
	Did you, was that a fearful thing?
	I fully.
	Well, it's the scariest part is like people meet you while you're walking with the game and then you have to explain to them it's gonna get worse.
	So signing up for this is a bad idea.
	And so I would try to avoid that conversation and avoid telling the name of what I have.
	And that wasn't fair.
	So what would you just try to play it off or whatever?
	Not a big deal.
	Yeah, I'm just clumsy.
	I call myself clinically clumsy.
	You came up with that?
	That's interesting.
	Yeah, well, at least it gives you your own ownership over it, too.
	But, you know, I mean, Matt and I got together before this medicine came around.
	So he signed up for me thinking I'd look like Stephen.
	But also, he signed up thinking if he gets 10 more years of, I mean, you are a beautiful lady.
	If you, if he gets 10 years of this beautiful lady, that's a good deal.
	I feel like, was that what he was thinking?
	Or was it, was it hard for you to get to believe that he was in love?
	Like, what was that like?
	Was it hard for you to believe?
	Like, really, at some point, did you ever realize for yourself?
	Because I think at some point, all of us, it's hard for us to believe that somebody would love us, a lot of people, especially probably comedians.
	Oh, my God.
	But you being a comedian and having this ailment, do you feel like that?
	Was that, was there ever an about face?
	You're like, wow, I just, I have to believe this.
	Yeah, I think in the beginning it was hard because he, like, my husband is a really good person.
	So I.
	And Matt's comedian as well.
	Yeah.
	So that's how you guys met.
	Yeah, we met at an open mic here.
	But he's a good guy.
	Oh, yeah.
	That's sad that Matt taking it easy.
	Fucking lazy, dude.
	So long for it.
	Oh, that's beautiful, huh?
	Yeah.
	You always got a chair with me.
	Who are you dancing with there, Matt?
	His mom.
	Oh, that's nice.
	What does your mom do, Matt?
	She's a psychologist.
	Oh, wow.
	That's cool.
	Yeah, it was very sweet.
	He proposed to me outside of Zane's.
	He had the Marquis say, Will you marry me?
	Really?
	Yeah.
	Oh, did you know?
	This motherfucker.
	I guess, like, I had to have known because we actually booked the venue before we were in case.
	Okay, so you guys were hoping it could happen.
	Oh, really?
	Dude, that's so cool.
	I didn't even know that.
	And where do you propose?
	Right out there in the front?
	Yeah, well, he took me to dinner at a place I did not like.
	Yeah.
	And the name of it is called Bad Idea.
	So I was like, there's a good husband, bad dater.
	Yeah.
	Bad dinner guy.
	And then I get a call from the booker at Zane's and they're like.
	Someone's here.
	They want to meet you.
	Like, hurry up.
	It's a big deal.
	And I'm like, what?
	And so we close at our tab and we are driving over to Zane's.
	He's being nervous, and I think he's nervous because I'm nervous.
	He pulls a gun out of the glove box?
	He's poking you in the arm with it.
	Oh, man.
	And then he was like, maybe it's Nikki Glazer.
	And I was like, oh, because I had never met her at that point.
	And I was like, oh, my God.
	So I'm rolling real quick, top speed around the corner.
	And then Matt goes, wait, come back.
	And I was like, Matt, we got to go.
	And I look up and he got money.
	And I don't think I even said yes.
	I think I just kept saying I'm going to throw up on you.
	But that's an Irish yes.
	Oh, that's a beautiful story, actually.
	It makes me think so much differently of this place now when I'm there.
	I didn't know that people were falling in love right outside of there and playing in their futures.
	That's all.
	They let us have our, we had like an after party after the wedding and reception.
	Oh.
	Yeah, it was very sweet.
	Oh, that's cool.
	Wow.
	So that must have been, yeah, because I guess like, yeah, I guess you, did you, yeah, were there feelings?
	Like, do you feel like I'll met like, cause I think comics in general have a tough time finding love and figuring that kind of stuff out.
	And the lifestyle of being a comedian, it's really hard to negotiate with love, right?
	So, I mean, I feel lucky that we're both, we travel and now we're starting to travel together.
	Matt features for me a lot on the road, which is like, you know, a dream come true.
	We're starting to do where he's headlining this Sunday and I'm doing Friday and Saturday.
	Dude, that's awesome, bro.
	Congratulations.
	Just the ability to be able to do that together.
	That's pretty cool.
	Yeah, it is cool.
	I'm lucky.
	Is there points where you like, has it felt weird having a, having this ailment that you're not even going to have that much longer, which is going to be really fucking weird?
	Every person like that dumb bitch was faking it and I don't know what to do.
	I know.
	I want to do a special now called before and then I'll do one called after.
	I think that's a great idea.
	Was there a part like I guess, yeah, what's that relationship like with comedy and with obviously you have a, people have to joke about what they know the most, right?
	And I think people are people that a lot of times are, I think they look at people.
	I think sometimes people look at people that have an ailment or something either as like a good luck omen or like as like something that they're almost fearful of.
	Yeah.
	Right.
	Because they don't want to imagine it.
	You know, they don't want to think like, oh, that could be me or I could be in that situation.
	That's the weird part about like the sympathy.
	Some of it truly is just simple sympathy.
	But a lot of the times I can tell when people feel bad for themselves because they've created a whole story of like how terrible their life would be if they were me.
	And I don't like that.
	You know, because like we all have shitty things.
	I'm lucky for a lot of reasons.
	You know what I mean?
	I'm luckier than most people.
	Yeah, that's interesting.
	I think it's interesting to think like, yeah, like how we relate to people sometimes.
	And in the end, it's a reflection of something about us or some way we view ourselves or some way that we're afraid to imagine ourselves or there's like a there's an ego in that or a selfishness in it.
	That stuff, it's hard to kind of figure out exactly what that is, but that's really fascinating.
	Yeah, well, it's like, you know, I've been now diagnosed disabled for 11 years and you figure it out.
	The worst part is people doing shitty things and everyone doesn't want to call it shitty.
	They are like, hey, they had good intentions.
	It is not my job to figure out what your intention was.
	You know what I mean?
	Like, you mean people saying mean stuff?
	Yeah.
	Do people say mean stuff to you a lot?
	Yeah.
	Really?
	And is it just Kill Tony fans trying to show affection?
	Probably.
	Oh my God, the Kill Tony fans.
	They are correct.
	Not all of them, but a lot.
	What are they like?
	The DMs I get would blow your mind.
	Like I get this a lot.
	It's people, men asking if I'll roll over their dicks.
	Oh, with the wheelchair.
	Yeah.
	Or like, show us your boobs before you die.
	I get that a lot.
	Yeah, it's fun.
	I'm having a good time.
	I mean, I bet it's added a lot of like color just to your life.
	I think things like that are just, I mean, yeah, some of that stuff's insane.
	Is there ever stuff that does kind of ping you a little bit?
	That's like, are you able to just kind of.
	There's, yeah, you know, it's whenever someone touches on your real insecurity and you're like, for me, it's my voice because I let go of the fact that my body is not functioning a long time ago, but my voice is all I have.
	So I recognize I speak slow is because I'm trying to pronunciate, you know, or enunciate.
	Did you used to be like louder and have a different voice at all?
	It was more annoying.
	It was more Valley Girl.
	Bro, thank God you got rid of that.
	Now it's kind of deep.
	Oh, damn, really deep, Valley Girl.
	Oh, now you're saying now it's kind of deep.
	Oh, now it's just like, it just, I don't know.
	I feel like you want everybody.
	I kind of always feel like you're like a kindergarten teacher.
	You want everybody to sit on the road and listen to a story, kind of.
	Like, it's okay.
	It's a mustn't have time.
	Everyone sit down.
	Wow.
	Are you ever like, do you have moments where you're also envious of the fact that you get to have such a perspective of life?
	Because you like, not many of us have this thing where there's a possible timeline on our lives, you know, and you know what that's like, but also are able to have a voice like you have, like able to be a comedian whose job it is to articulate things and to share thoughts and feelings.
	Is there ever moments you're like, wow, this has been, you know, if I don't get to do life again or if we do get to do it a hundred more times, this has been a pretty special experience.
	Yeah, I feel very fortunate because I, Before the diagnosis, the things I cared about did not matter.
	And no one could tell me they didn't matter.
	It just took them.
	Once things are taken away, it kind of strips down to like the truth and the core of like what is important.
	Right.
	I was very vapid, very like whatever.
	Like, I didn't care about my relationships that much, you know.
	But all you have is connection.
	So like the more you can connect with people, the bigger the impact you leave.
	You know what I mean?
	And all I want to do now, which I never saw any of this, is like, yeah, give a voice to the voiceless a little bit.
	And with them telling me my voice was going, it feels so ironic that I'm doing that.
	But it feels good.
	That would be the scariest thing.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	It's like all we have, especially like as I think it was work if you work in a comedian or someplace where you speak or someplace you have to like communicate with others regularly or probably just for anybody.
	It's just like, man, if I, my voice, I can't tell you how I feel.
	Right.
	Yeah.
	You've done, you were doing public speaking.
	Do you still do that some?
	So I did, I think you were talking about the TED talk.
	I did like a TEX talk a while ago.
	I'm still waiting for it to come out.
	But yeah, that was really crazy because that was the first time I publicly spoke and it wasn't comedy and not like getting laughs because I wasn't being funny was really stressful.
	Hell yeah.
	That's cute, huh?
	I'm so happy that you guys have each other.
	It's nice to have somebody, is it?
	Oh, yeah.
	It's really nice.
	I went a long time without it.
	I also didn't think I'd ever get married.
	It wasn't really, I wasn't someone that was seeking that.
	All my friends were kind of falling into that.
	And I was like, cool.
	I can't imagine that.
	And when I met him, I was like, oh, fuck.
	He's fucking honky.
	He got me.
	Yeah.
	Honky from Alabama.
	Oh, he's from Alabama?
	Yeah.
	I know.
	It's fucked.
	You were already.
	I've been through a lot.
	I told you.
	You're already dealing with an ailment.
	Now you're married.
	Wow.
	And shout out, Alabama, dude.
	That's all people say.
	It's like, yeah, shout out, Alabama.
	What part, though?
	Tuscaloozo.
	Oh, dude, that's a great part.
	You're a Bama fan?
	Oh, that's so cool.
	Real Tad.
	I know.
	Yeah.
	We got the red hair.
	They're ready for you.
	Yeah, and the wheels that roll.
	Yeah, that's true.
	That's hilarious.
	You seem to be on your period when you show up over there.
	They should have a roll-tied section.
	It's just women on their period during the game for the game.
	In wheelchairs.
	I love that.
	That's great.
	Red Bam will be sniffing Aldos.
	Red Bam will judge a seat sniffing opposite.
	I forgot the red part of his name.
	Wow.
	So all the people who throughout this episode were like, Theo's doing too many jokes, just know that that's where we're at here.
	That's the level that we're at here.
	I heard you talk about Nikki Glazer.
	How great is she?
	She is a queen.
	She's the best.
	She just did the, she hosted the Golden Globes.
	Let's see some of that.
	Do you have any of that, Trevin?
	And congratulations to her.
	She's fought so hard.
	You know, she was an opener for Amy Schumer for a long time where Amy was like, you know, the biggest thing in the world.
	And here she is as just like the absolute queen.
	Yeah, she's crushing.
	The golden globe for best editing goes to the Justice Department.
	Yes, congratulations.
	Facts to that.
	And the award for most editing goes to CBS News.
	Yes.
	CBS News, America's newest place to see BS News.
	Oh, she's awesome.
	She's so good.
	She actually, I had never had anyone take me on the road.
	And I understood pretty quickly that probably was not going to be part of my comedic journey because taking me on the road, you got to account for a chair and blah, blah, blah.
	I damned her out of nowhere because I saw she was coming to the Rhyme.
	I was like, hey, I'm a local comedian.
	I would love to, you know, do a guest spot if you have room.
	And she replied within like a couple hours and was like, absolutely love and had me on both her shows and then took me on the road.
	No.
	Yeah.
	And she was, she's the only person that's taken me on the road.
	That's incredible.
	And she like paid for an extra ticket for Matt because she wanted me to have someone there.
	That's sweet.
	Yeah.
	She's the best.
	She's so funny.
	I'd love to have her back on again.
	Every time we sit in chat, we have a great time.
	Dude, imagine that you're sitting there and you get to joke with Leonardo DiCaprio.
	That's got to be crazy.
	Oh my God.
	Talking shit to Leo.
	You've worked with every great director.
	You've won three Golden Globes, an Oscar.
	And the most impressive thing is that you were able to accomplish all of that before your girlfriend turned 30.
	I mean, it's just insane.
	Leo, I'm sorry I made that joke.
	It's cheap.
	You know what?
	I tried not to, but like, we don't know anything else about you, man.
	Like, there's nothing else.
	Like, open up.
	That's a good point.
	He's starting to look like Jack Nicholson a little bit.
	Oh, my God.
	Go back to him right there.
	You're totally correct.
	Pull up Jack Nicholson at his age.
	Oh, no.
	We did it.
	We cracked the code.
	A little bit.
	The hairline.
	The hairline's better on.
	You don't think Leonardo had any hair implants or anything?
	Well, here's the thing.
	I think he has a great hairline, but I bet he also could have easily had that done.
	It wasn't available in Jack's time.
	I mean, if you're only dating young girls, you gotta.
	You gotta keep it fresh.
	And you gotta keep it until you get a wife.
	I've had hair put in here.
	Oh, hell yeah.
	I didn't know if I needed it.
	I was just dealing with a ton of stress.
	He is bald.
	He got a wife.
	Type shit.
	I gotta change my hair.
	I just can't see the top of his head.
	That's it.
	Dude, that's a great point.
	You're like, yeah, what do you care?
	What are like some of the toughest things about being having this disability that people do not realize, you think?
	Are there some little things that are kind of interesting?
	I think there's a general assumption that I am mentally disabled because of how I speak.
	Oh my God.
	I do have a joke about this, but it's like a real story.
	Do you remember that bar, Kung Fu?
	It was in Nashville.
	It shut down.
	It was on Broadway.
	Yeah, I've heard about it.
	So I went there with some friends a couple of years ago and we randomly had it was a friend's birthday.
	Like six girls, you know, drinking, whatever.
	And long story short, I watched my friend get roofied.
	Okay.
	But again, nothing bad has happened to any of my friends.
	So they just take drinks from people and, you know, whatever.
	So my friend is getting real sick and starting to pass out.
	It's been like 45 minutes.
	My able-body friends all go to the bathroom together.
	Dude, I saw, give her the drink, tries to come in.
	She's passed out.
	And he's like, hey, that's my friend.
	She asked me to dig her home.
	And I was like, no.
	And I just rolled over and put my foot on the door to close it.
	And then he shouldered it open.
	And I kicked him in the wiener.
	And I started yelling for help because he's fighting me.
	And I can't do much.
	And finally, security comes over.
	And the guy goes, Hey, guys, I'm so sorry.
	That's my girlfriend.
	My friend passed out.
	And this is her mentally retarded friend that doesn't remember me.
	And I had to convince these security guards that I was not mentally disabled.
	And how do you do that?
	And I couldn't do it.
	It is so much harder than it sounds.
	Yeah.
	How do you even try to convince someone you're from the future?
	You can't do it.
	Oh my God.
	That's hilarious.
	Yeah, trying to get away from the accusation.
	I can't beat those guys.
	No, we got kicked out, but that guy didn't get my friends.
	So that's the one.
	I can't believe he had such a plan, too.
	That's the crazy part.
	They didn't say that.
	First time.
	Yeah.
	I was like, oh, my God.
	Kind of genius.
	Kind of funny.
	Just crazy there's sick people out there like that, too.
	Yeah.
	What would you say to people, other people that have a lot of people don't have the same ailment, right?
	You said it's so few.
	Yeah, but they have stuff similar.
	And in school, at my show, there's a lot of disabled people gum, which is that success to me.
	I would love one day just like for the club to have to take out every chair because everyone has their own.
	Yeah.
	I think that'd be sick.
	I love that.
	B-Y-O-C, huh?
	That's great.
	And were there people that had ailments that you looked up to at certain points?
	Or did you find like, or that isn't, people just look up to.
	There's one that comes, and I know there are more, but like kind of the like godmother of disability.
	Her name, she's dead now.
	But her name was Judy Human.
	And she helped pass the ADA like act or whatever.
	Yeah, Judy Human.
	She rocked basically.
	Yeah, the Black Panthers helped get the ADA passed.
	Wow.
	Judy Human, born in Philadelphia, was an American disability rights activist and is a mother of the disability rights movement.
	She was recognized internationally as a leader in the disability movement.
	In 1970, Human was denied her New York teaching license because the board did not believe she could get herself or her students out of the building in case of a fire.
	She sued the Board of Education.
	Local newspaper ran the headline, you can be president, not teacher with polio.
	The case settled with the trial.
	Wow.
	Human received much mail from disabled people around the country due to press coverage of her lawsuit.
	Many wrote about the experiences of discrimination because of their disabilities based on the outpouring of support and letters.
	In 1970, Human and several friends founded the Disabled in Action, an organization focused on securing the protection of people with disabilities under civil rights laws through political protest.
	Wow.
	Do you think, um, do you think there is a common like energy where people feel like you can't do something?
	Yeah, I think people think Matt is my caregiver and not my husband.
	Oh, yeah, which makes me very mad.
	Yeah, you're like, my caregiver keeps taking advantage of me.
	McCare Group keeps grabbing my boobs.
	Yeah, I guess there's part of you.
	I think there's like as someone that doesn't have an ailment like this right now, um, that like you feel like you want to be helpful and you don't know how to do that, really.
	That that is a question people always are like, Well, how do I know when you need help?
	And if it's like an innocent question, I understand that, but like I'm an adult, I know how to ask, you know what I mean?
	So, like, unless I'm like, Hey, can you do this for me?
	I'm fine.
	Yeah, you know, I learning how to ask for help was one of the toughest parts about like I wasn't disabled and now I am.
	Oh, wow, you know, I was very independent.
	God, that would be so hard.
	I hate asking for help.
	Yeah, it's a nightmare, but like, there is so much power in being able to.
	And I know disabled people that are bad at it and they hurt themselves not asking for help, and they'd rather that.
	And I'm like, What good are you to yourself or others if you're hurting yourself?
	Yeah, you know, yeah, I mean, you'll sit there forever and be in pain because you just don't want to speak up.
	I think it goes back to even sometimes us like how even like some how like those law officers feel.
	I think there's a code of human where it's like, I want to be able to take care of myself, I should be able to.
	I don't want somebody to know I'm having a tough time.
	I don't want to feel like I can't do this.
	Yeah, I think a lot of that probably comes to surface.
	Um, what is something that you see, like walkies, or I don't know what you call like people that are day walkers, day walkers, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	What is something you see?
	Uh, day walkers do that just blows your mind.
	Is there anything that like comes up like that?
	Um, I think able-bodied men are dumb as fuck because I see them do the dumbest shit.
	Like, I'm like, your body can break.
	What are you doing?
	Oh, just crazy shit.
	Yeah, like the jerk has stuff.
	I'm like, yo, they're lucky, but like, anything bad can happen to anyone.
	Like, the disabled minority is the most inclusive minority.
	It's a good point, huh?
	Anybody can show up here.
	Yeah, like, you feel bad for me today, but you could be sitting next to me tomorrow.
	Yeah, we'll save you a seat.
	Yeah, I like that a lot.
	It feels like a threat.
	Is there, is there, uh, are there like AA meetings for people that have different types of ailments or like people like that have like mobility ailments?
	I know there are disability support groups.
	I've never been to one, which is probably not good.
	I'm sure there's something in Nashville, but it's hard also because I feel disability, it looks like so many different things.
	That's true.
	You don't want to get in there with somebody that has a neck brace on or something.
	They're like, I have ADD.
	I'm just like you.
	I hear that a lot.
	Yeah, dead ass.
	See, that's another place we've gotten with these autistic Barbie's.
	It's like making everybody believe that there's something that they have.
	And it's like, it might be true, but like, you're fine.
	Yeah.
	Well, we're all so blessed.
	I mean, I think there's like, you just don't even realize the blessings that we have every day.
	I was just this morning, I woke up with a good amount of gratitude for the first time.
	I haven't had that in a while, and it felt pretty good.
	What was I seeing?
	In the news, something else.
	We'll finish up in a few minutes.
	Oh, did you see in Iran that they cut off, or Iran, people call it different stuff, but did you see that they cut off all the internet and the phones over there?
	No.
	Nationwide unrest in Iran right now is being driven mainly by a severe economic crisis that has quickly turned into a broader anti-government movement.
	What caused it?
	Iran's currency has plunged to record lows with the Rial.
	That's what they use.
	Losing a large share of its value and pushing up prices for food, fuel, and other essential items.
	The initial economic anger morphed into political slogans like death to the dictator and calls for the end of the current system.
	So inflation above 40% in years of sanctions, mismanagement, and corruption have left many Iranians unable to cover basic living costs, prompting shopkeepers, workers, and students to launch strikes and street protests.
	Is there any video from that?
	I mean, it's unbelievable.
	Like the internet, imagine if they shut the internet down here.
	Look at this.
	That's wild.
	There's just, and this is in the capital, Tehran.
	This is just protests against the regime there.
	I think at a certain point, you see when things get bad enough that people will take action, which I guess is still nice to see that people, you know, together to make something different.
	Because it starts to feel like in America, someone's like.
	We're all for ourselves.
	Yeah.
	And as long as somebody's mailing me some Tostitos or something and a can of government dip, that I'll be fine.
	You know what I'm saying?
	Like, I just think we've gotten very comfortable here, you know?
	Yeah.
	I mean, what would happen in America if the government was down?
	We'd have to write letters to each other.
	I can't even write anymore.
	I have to get a typewriter or some shit.
	Oh, that'd be unbelievable.
	Yeah.
	My chair would stop working.
	Your chair would stop working too, huh?
	Probably.
	You'd be stranded.
	I'd be screwed.
	You'd be like one of those Waymos that just went in a circle or whatever and it got commandeered.
	Do we have anything from just somebody like boots on the ground over there?
	I know they're having.
	Oh, what's this?
	This is Masih Alinijad.
	This says, please help us.
	The situation here is horrific.
	It is a full-scale war.
	The regime's forces show no mercy.
	They shot protesters in the head and heart and even finish off those already wounded on the streets.
	And hospitals and wounded are being kidnapped and killed.
	Wow.
	This is Nikki Haley says at least 12,000 Iranians fighting for freedom have been murdered by the regime.
	Wow.
	Is that true?
	Possibly thousands more?
	Okay, the death toll and growing protests in Iran is believed to be in the thousands with an Iranian official putting the figure at 2,000.
	But human rights groups estimating those numbers could be far higher.
	Wow.
	Have been killed in protests of Iran now in their third week.
	Iranian officials have called the protesters terrorists and accused them of rioting.
	I mean, it's interesting to see how quickly a republic will call someone a terrorist.
	Iran International, a London-based Persian language news channel, wrote in an editorial on Tuesday that it believes 12,000 people have been killed.
	They called it the largest killing in Iran's contemporary history, taking place over two nights between January 8th and January 9th.
	Wow.
	I mean, this is a revolution.
	This is a revolution.
	Demonstrations began in late December over economic hardships, but have grown into widespread anger against the regime of the Islamic Republic.
	Yeah, prayers for the people in Iran that are dealing with that, that are dealing with just like, I can't even imagine what it's like not to be able to have a voice to feel like you don't anyway.
	It just goes to show, like, in the old days when they didn't have the internet and they didn't have cell phones, you still had a voice, right?
	But I think this is almost, this feels like proof to me that those things create what a voice is nowadays, right?
	Because some of those companies will be like, well, it doesn't matter how we act or how we behave or what like rules we allow or don't allow on our platforms, because if you don't have this, you still have a voice, but you really kind of don't.
	Yeah.
	You know, it's like it's hard to know what's going on somewhere.
	Yeah.
	Well, it's like we became so reliant on technology and stuff that we don't know how to have a voice without it.
	And that was by design because it's something that can be taken very easily.
	Right?
	A hundred percent.
	I didn't know we can go down those roads.
	Well, if you go down those roads, no, it's good.
	No, I think the same way.
	It's like, oh, well, here's a voice, but it's for lease, really.
	Right.
	Yeah, yeah.
	It's like a voice you are no longer allowed to own.
	Yeah.
	Interesting.
	And what's the president saying about this?
	Trump said, Iranian patriots, keep protesting, take over your institutions, save the names of the killers and abusers.
	They will pay a big price.
	I have canceled all meetings with the Iranian officials until the senseless killing of protesters stops.
	Help is on its way.
	Make Iran great again.
	President Donald J. Trump.
	That's insane.
	Effective immediately, any country doing business with the Islamic Republic of Iran will pay a tariff of 25% on any and all business being done with the United States of America.
	Wow.
	So they're not playing around.
	They're trying to, or who knows if they are.
	I mean, half of the stuff they say is means nothing, but they're definitely sticking their heads out.
	Man, it's just so it sucks so much that people, the regular people, have to suffer the whims of their politicians.
	But then also, it's brave that people are willing to get out and protest and speak up for things that need to happen in their community.
	You know, if your government is just ruining the value of your currency and you're sitting there, you can't afford to feed.
	Like I saw, I've read somewhere the price of eggs over there gone up like seven times and that they have oil and that they reframe the prices of gasoline over there to make it more expensive.
	At a certain point, you have to stand up for yourselves.
	You know, which can be hard for some people.
	Yeah, it can.
	See if you have one video of Iran before the, in the 1970s, before the oh, yeah, dude.
	They were getting it.
	They were getting it.
	They were putting lotion on how sign.
	Oh, hell yeah.
	Yeah.
	Another motorized person.
	You know, I like that.
	Calling wheels, huh?
	Yeah.
	I mean, it's just wild.
	It's crazy to think to live in a grow up in a place where you're not free.
	You know what I'm saying?
	And you just are a soul put on an earth.
	You're supposed to be free here.
	Like, if anything, you're supposed to be free.
	Like, whether you're supposed to just live in the woods or whatever we're supposed to actually be.
	It's weird that just by happenstance, you're either free or you're not, just depending on where you were Born, you know, and like not to like make it all about disability, but like being disabled in a country that's not free.
	I mean, even here before Judy Heuman did her thing, there were signs like in the 90s on like windows of like private businesses, and some of them wouldn't let disabled people in because it made their other customers uncomfortable.
	No way.
	Disabled people have been left behind for ever.
	Like even now, I think as a minority, even though we are the largest minority, we have the least amount of progress.
	It's because all we're asking is for accessibility and no one wants to spend money.
	And when money is involved, you're going to see change real slow.
	Like, I can't even afford to really make where I live completely accessible.
	You know what I mean?
	Like, yeah, people don't even think about that.
	It's really, yeah.
	I mean, I don't ever, I don't ever even think about that a lot of times.
	Like, is this place accessible?
	Could somebody live here?
	What would this be like?
	Yeah, I didn't think about it before I was disabled.
	You know, I never thought this is all I would think about.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Yeah.
	And like, think about New York.
	Like, you can't even like half of the living, more than half of the living, you can't even probably doesn't even apply to you because you can't.
	You got to talk to a disabled person that lives in New York and be like, how?
	What are you doing?
	I've been a few times now, but not for more than two days because getting around is a nightmare.
	Like, so many like restaurants are just stairs.
	And so I'll wait on the sidewalk and Matt will go in and like send me a picture of the menu.
	Dude, that's why you don't even think how many comedians who are disabled comedians probably haven't even had a chance to shine because of how just because of maybe what a place like New York is.
	Just the fact that it is stairs to get involved in.
	Come on.
	Come on.
	Just think about it, guys.
	I haven't been able, I've been able to get in that side room.
	They have a little elevator, but not the main one.
	Like, there are so many clouds.
	I remember when I started comedy, I had never seen, I've seen like Josh Blue.
	He was a big inspiration.
	Yeah.
	That's when I was starting out with Josh Blue.
	Oh, he was so great.
	Dude, I met him once before, way before I was a comic.
	I was at, I paid money to go to a show at Zay News.
	I got shit faced and embarrassed myself in front of him.
	And then later that.
	Are you sure that's what happened to you?
	It sounds like you were just an alcoholic.
	You sure you didn't get in a drunk driving accident?
	I can't remember.
	You went to see Josh?
	Yeah, and he was doing a little meet and greet.
	And I was like, ah, I'm back.
	And he was like, okay.
	That's so cool.
	Really embarrassing.
	I tried to jump a curb in my wheelchair that night.
	Nuh-uh.
	Fell out and gave my love a black eye.
	Oh, yeah.
	Yeah, they just put some speed bumps in our neighborhood.
	And it's a nightmare sometimes.
	I mean, it's nice.
	You have to keep the disabled out.
	It feels like a moat in my world.
	Oh, every now and then I'll see a disabled person just stalled out of there at the speed bump.
	And you're like, well, they didn't ask for help, so I'm not helping.
	Any other news?
	Was there anything else?
	About the new Druski skit where he rips on megachurch pastors.
	Let's take a peek at it.
	I love Druski.
	I haven't seen him in a while.
	Let's see.
	Let's see what Druski says here.
	Let's watch it and we'll get out of here.
	I'm going to have Wanda stand up here.
	Wanda, please.
	Wanda told us earlier this month that she could not have a baby anymore.
	So I impregnated her with the word of God.
	I'm going to impregnate everyone with the word of God.
	You gonna get pregnant with the word of God.
	You gonna get pregnant with the word of God.
	You go gonna get pregnant with the word of God.
	Impregnate.
	Oh my god, he can do that.
	Somebody in the congregation asks why I'm wearing Christmas.
	I know he can slip and slide.
	That's just me trying to do stand-up.
	That's you.
	That worm.
	Oh, with those?
	Dude, why don't you get those?
	I've got to talk to the club.
	You're like, look, if they're not putting a ramp in, they're certainly not putting in two cables that I can hang from the ceiling.
	I just want to be puppeteered.
	That'd be so crazy if you had a whole musical and it was people that are in wheelchairs and they're all being puppeteered, though, and they have them like as if they're not.
	I love it.
	It feels great.
	I can't walk, but I can fly.
	I love it.
	Fiona, thanks so much for joining us.
	I appreciate it.
	And thank you for having me.
	I know you and Matt have a podcast called Rampin' Up.
	Yeah.
	And is it out every week?
	Yeah.
	Every Monday at 4:30 Central.
	Okay, great.
	That's beautiful.
	How long have you guys been doing it?
	Christina was on?
	Yeah.
	Oh, she's the best.
	Yeah, she rocks.
	She's my favorite.
	Do you know Derek Stroop?
	Uh-uh.
	I don't know him.
	I've heard him.
	Oh, my God.
	Yeah, he's unreal.
	He's maybe the funniest working comic I've seen in a long time.
	He's from Nashville.
	From he's in New York, but he's from Alabama.
	I got a touch base.
	Maybe I do know him.
	I bet I've met him here.
	I don't know.
	I think I had an aneurysm last year, but we'll see.
	I'll probably see you.
	I'm saving you a seat.
	Don't worry.
	There you go.
	That's going to be a new merch saving you a seat.
	Fiona Colley, you can see her live coming up in Chandler, Arizona.
	San Antonio, Texas.
	Nashville, January 21st.
	That's this week.
	No.
	Next week.
	Next week.
	Next Monday, right?
	Or something.
	Sunday.
	Out in LA, January 27th.
	I might be out there.
	That's going to be cool.
	Yeah.
	San Diego.
	Comedy Works Denver.
	Have you been there?
	No.
	It's my first time.
	Dude, it's so cool.
	You're getting to go to all these places.
	It is very cool.
	I'm nervous because I assume it's snowy in Denver right now.
	Yeah.
	And I think there's one downtown and there's one that's on the south or whatever.
	I'm doing that one.
	South one?
	South one's good.
	It's got a good, there's like good places to eat right around there.
	Oh, and the room is super cool.
	I've actually never done the downtown one.
	I've only done the south one.
	I think downtown is new and it's more like events.
	It's what I heard.
	I'm not sure.
	Wait, you're going to be in LA?
	Yeah.
	At the same time?
	Well, I'll have to come watch.
	I have a show at the belly room.
	You do?
	If I'm there at the same time, I'll do it.
	You didn't invite me to do it.
	No, I want you to.
	That's where I was going.
	I talk real slow.
	Oh, sorry.
	I was like, God, this is getting really cool.
	You're like, she's putting me.
	It is nap time.
	Holy shit.
	Do you get a nap time?
	I mean, if Matt lets me.
	At Pervert, he doesn't let anybody, he just watches.
	Um, well, Matt was in the background here.
	Uh, so, um, Matt, uh, thanks so much for being here.
	Taylor, that's your last name, yeah.
	Um, Matt Taylor, Fiona Cauley, thanks so much for coming in and hanging out today.
	I'm glad we got to chat and just laugh and um and think about some stuff together.
	And best of luck.
	And you guys go see her, check her out wherever she is.
	Um, it's great, it's really, really great.
	This is one of the funniest episodes I've had in-I mean, probably two years is probably some of the most I laugh.
	So, thank you.
	Thank you for having me.
	Now, I'm just falling on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
	I must be cornerstone.
	Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this piece of mind I found I can feel it in my bones.

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