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March 27, 2025 - This Past Weekend - Theo Von
02:00:48
#571 - Adam Devine

Adam Devine is an actor, comedian, writer and director known for his roles in shows like “Workaholics”, “The Righteous Gemstones” and more. You can also check out his podcast “This is Important” with the other Workaholics guys. Adam Devine returns to talk about becoming a new dad (and embracing boat life), how he miraculously survived getting hit by a car as a kid, and a recent health scare that changed everything for him.  Adam Devine: https://www.instagram.com/adamdevine/  ------------------------------------------------ Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com ------------------------------------------------- Sponsored By: Celsius: Go to the Celsius Amazon store to check out all of their flavors. #CELSIUSBrandPartner #CELSIUSLiveFit https://amzn.to/3HbAtPJ  DraftKings: Download the DraftKings Pick Six app NOW and use code THEO  to play $5, get $50 in Pick 6 credits. Better payouts. Bigger wins. Only with Pick6 from DraftKings. The Crown is yours. https://draftkings.com   Ground News: Go to http://groundnews.com/theo to get 40% off the unlimited access Vantage plan. Valor Recovery: To learn more about Valor Recovery please visit them at https://valorrecoverycoaching.com or email them at admin@valorrecoverycoaching.com  Blue Cube: Head over to https://BlueCubeBaths.com and get $1,000 off when you mention Theo’s name. Dave Ramsey: 💵 Check out The Ramsey Show https://www.ramseysolutions.com/shows/the-ramsey-show utm_source=this%20past%20weekend%20with%20theo%20von&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=theovon_trs_march_2025&utm_term=ramsey_network_bu&utm_content=theovon_trs_march_2025%20-%20shownotes%20-%20check%20out%20the%20ramsey%20show%20-%20032525#play ------------------------------------------------- Gambling Problem? Call one eight hundred gambler. Help is available for problem gambling. Call eight eight eight seven eight nine seven seven seven seven, or visit c c p g dot org in Connecticut. Must be eighteen plus, age and eligibility restrictions vary by jurisdiction. Pick6 not available everywhere, including New York and Ontario. Void where prohibited. One per new customer. Bonus awarded as non-withdrawable Pick Six Credits that expire in fourteen days. Limited time offer. See terms at pick six dot draftkings dot com slash promos. ------------------------------------------------- Music: “Shine” by Bishop Gunn Bishop Gunn - Shine ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: tpwproducer@gmail.com Hit the Hotline: 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: https://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 1906 Glen Echo Rd PO Box #159359 Nashville, TN 37215 ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips Shorts Channel: https://bit.ly/3ClUj8z ------------------------------------------------ Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers Producer: Nick https://www.instagram.com/realnickdavis/ Producer: Colin https://instagram.com/colin_reiner Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Time Text
We've got new merch.
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These are my favorite type of hoodie that we've ever used, the template, the material, the style of it.
I think they'll be your favorite as well.
We're going to try to focus on making sure that the template is perfect so that it just feels good and that you enjoy it and that you keep it and wear it for a long time.
Yeah, those are really great.
I want you to check them out.
They're at theovonstore.com.
And thank you for your support if you choose to purchase one.
Today's guest is an actor.
He's a comedian.
He's a writer.
He's, hell, he was hit by a damn car.
You know him from Workaholics and the Righteous Gemstones.
He has his own podcast with the guys from Workaholics called This Is Important.
it's always a fun time with my friend, Adam divine.
You just shower?
Is it the rain that got you a little wet?
I just showered, unfortunately.
It looks good on you.
I'm not afraid to say it.
That wet looks good on you, Theo.
You think?
Yeah, I ain't lying.
Let me see it.
Pull it up.
Let me get a gander at it.
I don't know.
Oh, damn, son.
Yeah, I could just.
Sorry.
No, don't be it.
I like it.
I haven't heard it in a while.
I saw you stretching a little bit.
Was that what I saw?
Yeah, you did.
You got to stay limber for all the sitting we're doing.
I'm getting at the age now where I can't sit for too long, dude.
Really?
Yeah, that sucks.
What do you mean?
Yeah, just sitting just freaking bothers me.
It bother.
Yeah.
You know, I do notice, I thought about this.
Like, we're not supposed to just be sitting around.
Like, imagine to say you went in the woods, right?
Yeah.
And you saw all the animals are having fun.
Yep.
Right.
They always are.
Yeah.
Most of them are.
Some of them are beating, killing.
There's some.
Yeah, some of them.
Eating is fun, though.
Yeah.
Most of them are having fun.
It's fun.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There's violence.
A lot of it's by the streams.
And so you know, kind of.
That's fun.
Yeah, it's fun if you're into that.
Yeah.
And I think most animals, and I'm also into water.
But if you're into, but that's where things get violent is down there.
Oh, shit.
That's what I'm saying.
I think nature's a blast, right?
Yeah.
You see it.
They're herding the animals.
The woodpecker comes down.
He's like, he makes noise and people are like, get the fuck out of here.
We want to sleep in.
But you don't think for him that's kind of fun though?
It's just like, wake up, motherfucker.
Yeah, he's obviously been using or whatever.
He's one of the animals that got a hold of a bag somewhere.
Absolutely.
Who else is rolling up like that?
Just so early, just slamming their head against the wall.
Yeah, and then taking off.
Yeah.
Unless he's like Morse coding a message from that Evans or from like ACDC or something, you know.
But you know, I'm sure every animal, they all conjoinively hate that MFer.
Conjoinively, I think they are.
Unless one person had to get up early for work and then he's like, guys, I had to invite him.
Yeah.
And this, we all started, we started to talk about this because of stretching.
Well, yeah, I'm just saying, so stretching like is, oh, you said sitting down.
Yeah.
So I'm just saying, yeah, I don't know if we're supposed to be sitting down.
Like, say if you went into nature and you saw a bunch of animals, they were doing stuff, scratching their backs on trees, eating berries and tickling each other or whatever.
And then there's one animal off to the side who's sitting in a chair and he's vaping or working on his computer.
Yep.
You'd be like, that anna, something's not right.
He's going to have some achy hips.
Yeah.
Because humans, they weren't sitting back in the day.
That's what I'm saying.
I mean, rocks, they're not comfortable.
We have all these, we've made all these comfy chairs, get us all sloven.
Yeah.
Right.
So that's, that's what I, I, I live in Orange County, so I drove up here to do this, among some other things, but I drove up here and it took like an hour, 40 minutes.
And I, and then I get out of my car and my hips are like, yeah, my body starts to, this top starts to lean forward.
My top half of my body will start to lean forward like that.
Yeah.
Well, you know, my body fell apart, dude.
You know, I was hit by a cement truck when I was a kid.
Were you really?
I was, dude.
And how full, or was it at it?
It was a full cement rock.
No way.
Even if it wasn't a full cement truck, that's still fucked up, but it was a full one, dude.
Full one's really bad.
It was like, I think 32 tons, something like that.
Oh, my.
Yeah.
Yeah, dude.
It hit me.
I ran over the wheels and then spit me out.
I flew 500 feet, dude.
You're lying.
Truths.
Oh, my God.
What's the longest field goal ever kicked?
That's insane.
Bring that up.
Yeah.
I mean, it has to be more than 500.
No, maybe not.
How long is the 66 yards?
So quick math.
I think that's 1,000 feet.
Quick math.
No, what is that?
188 feet.
Oh, my God.
So that's like more than double.
Yeah.
Wow.
Oh, my God.
Wow.
What did you land in?
I skidded up this, like up the street or down the street, however it goes.
And I was hit in one county and I landed in another county because the street was like the dividing line between the counties.
Still count?
Yeah, still counts as a cool factoid.
And is this a solid, you got hipbob?
What'd you get hit by?
Yeah, it was a similar style.
Yeah.
So I got taken under those wheels.
Those Peterbilts are nice, huh?
Yeah, that's a solid truck.
And now what happened were you, because I have a friend who got hit by a train, right?
And he's doing.
A lot is funny.
Oh, yeah, I agree.
Yeah.
He was doing great.
He was listening to, I think, Alana's more set or something, walking with his headphones on.
And he's like, isn't this ironic?
Yeah.
Well, don't you think?
Because it's like listening to my song getting hit by train.
Craziest thing was he'd been listening also to train earlier.
See, that would actually be ironic.
Yeah.
But I think, but that joke only works if he had been listening to train earlier.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, we dialed that one in.
Yeah, we did a good job.
But yeah, you believe that they're noise canceling, and then you're like, no, they're not that noise-canceling.
He couldn't hear a train coming.
That's and so that's wild, but it's effective, is all I'm saying.
Those heavens are effective.
Yeah.
So you're walking, where are you when this happens?
I was, it was Omaha, Nebraska, and we were going across the street to get candy or whatever.
And I mean, true facts were we were going to like, we would steal pages out of Playboy or penthouse magazines.
And we were like, you know, 12, 11, 11. And so that was our move.
We would go there, we'd rip out.
I don't know why we didn't just steal the magazine.
Because the ripping sounds loud.
It's way louder.
But in Little Kid Brain, I was like, it's not as bad if we only steal a few pages.
That's fair.
Like, it's we're, we're going to get in less trouble if we get caught.
Right.
Like, I got one page.
Like, I only got a couple pages.
Yeah.
I only got like half a tit here, mom.
I take a magazine.
It's just a magazine.
You still have the rest.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And they say they, they buy it for the articles, mom.
So I left the articles.
So we would do that.
And so my one friend was across the street, or my two friends were across the street, and they say, come on.
And I took that as coast is clear.
Coast wasn't clear, Theo.
Yeah.
Three symmetrics are going up the hill as two are coming down.
And I couldn't see the other side of the street.
It was like the suburbs and new houses were sprouting up all over.
So three were coming up, two were coming down.
He yells, come on.
I'm like, take his word for it.
Walked out behind the third cement truck.
Boom, bam.
Hot damn.
Did you even have a second to see it or you just lights out?
I don't remember it.
This is all what people have told me.
My friend could have thrown me in front of the cement truck for all I know, but I don't think so.
Danny Hendrix did not try to murder me, I don't think.
Danny?
Yeah.
Or Dan Denty.
Or Denty.
Yeah.
Sounds like he may have to me.
Yeah, maybe.
I don't know.
Maybe.
I don't think so.
He's a good guy.
What does he do now?
He, I mean, dude, I don't know what he does right now.
Danny Hendrix, there he is.
Wow.
Great job, dude.
Staffing Ninja.
Helps the medical labs locate and attract exceptional talent.
So that's, you know, he's got a real job.
That's cool.
He's got a nice smile.
Yeah, he does.
Very nice.
He's a handsome guy.
Yeah, that's true.
Like, I had to cobble myself to get back together.
But yeah, so from that, all those injuries, I am now like, my body's just all fucked up.
Well, how long were you in that?
Were you in the hospital from it?
I was in for like a month and a half, but then I had like two dozen surgeries within a short.
Dude, my legs are all fucked up.
Look at this.
It looks like uncooked chicken.
Can I show you?
Yeah.
Is it gross throughout?
Well, it's okay.
I can see it.
Okay.
Wow.
Okay.
That's the real deal right now.
That's a flat.
Yeah, that looks like some uncooked chicken meat.
Damn, homie's got a flat on there.
Yeah.
And is that a, wow, can I touch that?
Yeah, yeah, touch that.
Oh, my God.
That's magic.
It's really smooth, right?
This is what, like, like older ladies, this is what they want their skin not to look like, but to feel like.
Yeah.
Right?
Touch it.
Oh, that's off-road skin.
Yeah.
But that's kind of smooth, right?
Yeah.
I don't think you're getting...
Let me touch the underside.
Get the underbelly of it.
I can't feel that.
The underside tickles me a little touch of it.
I can't feel that.
You can't really?
No.
So a lot of nerve damage?
Like, was that thing just hanging on?
What happened?
Because that looks kind of recandled.
It looks like it's.
And then this side isn't as bad.
That one has a dip in, it looks like.
Because this is like the actual muscle.
And then it dips, dips here.
Oh, my God.
You know what it reminds me of?
That Body Wars thing that comes to all the exhibits, you know, Body World?
I think it's called Body World, I believe.
And it's also, Body World is pretty incredible, man.
It is kind of fascinating.
There's one where they spliced a pregnant person.
You have to.
Okay.
Oh, you have to splice a pregnant person.
That's a new way to do a gender reveal, I think.
The exhibit is set up so that one starts at the skeletal system.
It's an exhibition showcasing human bodies that have been preserved through a process called plastination and dissected to display bodily systems.
It opened in Tampa.
Which is...
Tampas, they allow a lot of stuff.
Yeah, but it seems like a, I mean, it seems like a thing that would sprout up in like Boston.
Like some Harvard people were like, yo, let's start up this thing.
Right.
You know, Tampa doesn't feel like it should.
That's a good point.
You know, but they may have won it.
Somebody won it in a lawsuit.
I think it probably had to start it in Florida, maybe based on legalities or something.
Yeah, it was a divorce.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like someone's like, well, I'm keeping the exhibit.
So that idea we had, I'm keeping that and I'm running with it.
So the exhibit displays internal organs and organic systems, body stage and active poses and fetuses in various stages of development.
It opened in 1995.
Guess when I was ran over, dude?
1995.
You're lying.
Uh-uh.
Oh, my God.
Maybe they read about me in the paper and were like, hey, I have an idea.
Yeah.
Let's take this show on the road.
Let's take it on the road.
Yeah.
I thought I'm, I wonder if I, I won't shut up about getting hit by a symmetric.
I hope I didn't retell that story.
It's fascinating, man.
No, I don't think so at all.
And here's a little bit of Real Bodies exhibit, and you just get to see the texture.
That's what this reminds you of.
You have a very kind of beef jerky from the knees down.
But smooth, but smooth.
No, it's nice.
It's not a hard jerky.
Well, it just also seems you seem strong.
Thank you.
Thank you for saying.
Do you think your body had to, your legs had to be stronger after this?
It was a ton of physical, like years and years and years of physical therapy.
And what sucks now, dude, is I'm back in the physical therapy grind.
Because of it?
Yeah, whatever happened, like three years ago, I was shooting this show in Germany, and I like was wiggling around and I like kicked my leg up, and like I was like, ping, and something pinged down here in my groin.
I was like, ah, I got my balls popping out, you know, like you had a hernia, and like my insides are oozing out, not oozing out.
They weren't.
So then it was just something like got tweaked.
And then it was just like, bing, bing, bing, bing.
And the muscles all got fucked up.
And so I had two surgeries.
I was like, it's my hips.
I'm going to have, so I got hip surgeries on each side.
It wasn't the hips.
So it's been three years of like trying to cobble my body back together.
And I was so fucked up and I was so tight and tense.
And I was getting these spasms.
I went to the doctor.
The doctor, one month before my son was born, was like, you're dying.
Swear to God, Theo.
He goes, you have stiff person syndrome, which is a real disease.
It sounds like a boner joke, but it is not.
And he's like, you got stiff person syndrome.
And that essentially, the like average lifespan of someone with stiff person syndrome is like five or six years.
And I was like, I'm dying.
I'm dying.
So for a solid couple months, I was like, my son is just born.
I'm going to die.
And what are you feeling?
Like, you feel like a gingerbread cookie kind of style or like, how stiff are you at that point?
I'm a lot better now.
I was so stiff.
I couldn't like, I could hurt.
I like, I would move and everything would go crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack.
And it hurts to just move at all.
And I would have these crazy spasms and like it would, they would happen in my stomach sometimes and it looks like I'm pregnant, like a little fucking arm is pushing out.
It was wild.
Bring some of that up.
Stiff person syndrome.
This is a real it's a real Celine Dion has it.
Oh.
So then, so then I go through all this testing and then they were like, you know, we don't think you have this.
We think this is from your accident.
And I'm like, okay, okay.
Thank God I don't have this.
And then I go through another six months.
I'm on the set of the righteous gemstones.
I'm not getting any better.
In fact, I'm getting worse.
And I tell Danny, I'm like, dude, I have to dip.
I have to go see the the stiff person syndrome guy.
And it was so scary because he's the guy that's going to tell me if I actually have it or not.
Oh, really?
And I'm there.
It's after hours.
And they saw me special, you know, and I just hear his little click, clack, click, clack of his old man doctor shoes.
And he comes and he has those eyebrows that are like wizard-like.
Eyebrows that like a bird will land on one.
Yeah, absolutely.
And you know, if you have eyebrows like that, you're like, you have wisdom, right?
Yeah, definitely.
Yeah.
People who trim their eyebrows are obviously dumb as well.
Yeah, dude.
You got to let those things sprout if you're lucky enough to have some wiry brows.
And so he comes and luckily he tells me I do not have it.
So thank God.
But it was like a wild ride where I'm like, I think I'm dying.
And now I'm like, it's from my accident.
It sucks, but hopefully I can get better.
So some of the mental fear is gone away because you got the verdict.
And then I think from that, some of the physical has gotten a little better because the mental, because I'm not just like, because I wasn't sleeping.
I was sleeping like three hours a night.
I was just going online, sitting on the toilet and watching TikTok videos of like people with like, that are like, I'm living with stiff person syndrome and it's, I'm living an okay life.
And you're like, oh, this is.
I'm doing good.
It's like, I'm doing good.
Somebody set me on a counter so I can look at the children or whatever.
Yeah, totally, totally.
You're like elf on a shelf, dude.
That's exactly what it was.
And I'm like, and it's, I feel so bad for these people.
And also in turn, I'm like, this is going to be me, dude.
I'm going to like, my wife is just going to have to like wheel me into the living room as I watch my like little son walk for his first steps.
You know, I think it's going to be like that.
But luckily, it's not.
So that's been since I saw you last, dude.
That's what I've been doing.
And that's so stressful.
I can imagine, man.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that, dude.
Yeah, it's unbelievable.
And where you started like, so that's why I was stretching.
That's why you started.
Well, you can get dysplasia too.
That's one of the things that.
So dogs get a lot.
Well, a lot of Australian shepherds get it.
My friend Scott has an Australian shepherd.
People say I'm an Australian shepherd as a human.
I could see that a little bit.
Dysplasia refers to abnormal development of growth of cells or tissues, which can be mild, moderate, or severe, and can sometimes be a precursor to cancer.
Oh.
Oh, I didn't know that.
I didn't know that.
I thought that was when your hips get all tight.
Yeah, let's look up.
Hip dysplasia.
Yeah, that's what I was thinking.
Hip dysplasia.
This guy's trying to upsell us.
I thought that was all, would that always be like a kind of a cool name for like a 90s hip-hop group?
Have you heard that?
Hip dysplasia.
Yeah.
Hip dysplasia condition where the hip joint does not develop properly.
Yeah.
Resulting in abnormal fit between the ball and socket of the hip.
The exact cause of hip dysplasia is unknown, but it may be related to genetics.
Yep.
Position during pregnancy and history of hip dysplasia in a family.
Don't have that.
Thank God.
God, dude.
Yeah.
Now, were there things where you haven't to roll out your legs and stuff?
Like, tell me some of the, where they roll out every day.
Dude, I have to roll out.
Yeah.
I carry around like the ball.
The ball I really fuck with.
I do acupuncture once a week.
I do body work at least once a week.
I do a thing called functional patterns, which is, it teaches you like how to stand properly using weights and different kind of things.
And then I do regular physical therapy.
And that's about it right now.
But like, and then I do chiropractor that hooks me up with like this machine that zaps you, you know, like a TENS unit, like a stem pads.
Yeah.
But like, this is supposedly like the hot shit machine that zaps you even more.
I don't know even what it does, but I'm like doing everything.
So like right now, when I'm not currently working on a project, it's like five days a week, all week.
Physical therapy.
Every week, physical therapy type stuff.
Yeah.
Man.
Yeah.
So that's like having another child.
It's almost like having another child.
It's like having to take care of yourself like that is really extensive.
It's so annoying.
And then like I might do this movie and it shoots in South Africa.
Yeah.
And I'm like running around and it's like an action sort of movie.
And I'm like, oh, am I going to fuck myself up again?
So now I'm like looking at projects with a little side eye going, like, Can I handle this shit?
Yeah, what about a calm project?
Yeah, I need a nice chill, like peeping Tom type of thing.
Oh, if I could get a peeping Tom gig, dude, that's where I'd really share.
Yeah, yeah, if I'm just perched up in a, in a tree, but I have like a nice chair, like a deer stand, you know, and but it's just me just like oogling someone, that'd be a good gig, dude.
Yeah, it's Sidney Sweeney or someone in it.
I don't know or your wife, yeah.
No, but look, it's just acting.
Yeah, it's just acting, babe.
Oh, yeah, if you got January John's in there, you got uh who else can you?
A lot of people, a lot of people, dude.
Rear Window, that's a that's in Hitchcock, wasn't it?
Rear Window?
I think so.
Yeah, that's rear window, I think, was about butt stuff, wasn't it?
That was an early, an early anal film.
One of the first anal films.
I think it was about proctologists like a proctologist.
Oh, I didn't know.
A proctologist can't get his act together.
Yeah.
Man, that's so wild.
Thanks for sharing that, dude.
Now, when you were a kid, how long did it affect you?
Like, say after the accident happened, how long was it?
Like, was it like a daily thing that affected you probably?
Oh, for sure.
I couldn't walk for about two years.
But then eighth grade, your homie played football.
Oh, yep.
Really?
Yeah, it was so bad, dude.
But they were like, yeah, he could play.
And then it was just, they made me an offensive lineman.
Dude.
You can't move.
I can't move.
It was just like, but I was pretty strong from all the physical things.
You just could go around on it.
Don't hit me.
Yeah, just play it.
But my mom, my mom was like so worried about me, right?
So she put shin guards on me and arm guards on me.
So I was hitting people like, you're like, like a soccer fan.
My dad was like, take your elbow and jam it underneath their, their chin.
So it's just me going like, dick.
And they're like, oh, oh.
And I actually, I was like, kind of decent.
Like, it worked.
It worked.
You were the only guy out there who was just fucking high-ying.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What?
That's crazy, dude.
And the devilishness of your father to that.
Dude, my dad's a dirty dog.
To guide you like that.
Yeah.
My dad, like, I don't know how your parents were, but my dad, I remember as a kid, I was getting bullied, you know, a little bit.
I'm sure, dude.
Yeah, but before, before the accident.
Before?
Yeah, I don't know.
It was just like, there was a bully, right?
And my dad was like, dude, does he, he picks on you?
Is he a lot bigger than you?
And I'm like, he's way bigger than me.
He was held back a grade.
So this guy was like a fucking monster.
Insane.
And it was in like dumb.
He's held back.
He was held back.
He's a big dummy.
Just let the dumb go with their friends.
Let him go.
That's the scary part when you keep, you're like, hey, this guy.
You're holding me back.
And now he's going to be, now he's mad.
Now he's angry.
Because everyone knows he's stupid.
He's angry and dumb.
Yeah.
So now he's in my grade and he is.
Fee, fi, foe, foe.
I smell the blood of dumb.
And then he is like picking on me.
And my dad was like, hit him as hard as you can in the face and then run away.
He's like, try to knock him the fuck out.
And then he's bigger than you.
And I'm like, uh-huh.
He's like, then get out of there.
Right.
So the next day, I was like, he was picking on me.
And I just was like, shut up.
And I punched him right in the nose.
Did not knock him out.
But he didn't attack.
He cried like a bitch.
Yeah, he did.
Yeah.
And then he, and then I think I became his bully, which in turn, I've actually heard, I've told this story on my podcast.
This is important.
And I told that story.
And then I found through the grapevine that he thinks that I was his bully.
He doesn't remember bullying me.
He only remembers me bullying him afterwards because afterwards, I just took my dad's advice.
So he was like talking shit in class.
I just got out a book and hit him in the back of the head.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And like he was talking shit at the top of the stairs.
I fucking kicked him and he fell down the stairs, dislocated his shoulder.
Yeah, dude.
So I think I was like fucking really violent.
Yeah, it sounds like you don't remember things correctly.
Yeah.
It sounds like you were a violent guy.
It does.
It does.
But I thought in my head, he's the aggressor.
Maybe not.
Maybe I'm a little piece of shit.
But I thought I was in the right.
But I was like, I'm smaller, so I have to be more violent or else I'm going to be the one getting my ass kicked.
So we had a kid at after school care.
We went to a religious after-school care because it was, they would donate it to you if you prayed a lot or something.
So my mom would get a couple prayers in and then you get free care for the kids or whatever.
Good deal.
Oh, yeah.
So she was hitting the urinal or something.
No, it's not a urinal.
What is it?
Where you pray?
Confessional.
Confessional, right?
Way different than urinal.
God, I hope this, God, please make this piss come out right.
I'm so sorry.
No, it's okay, dude.
But yeah, so yeah, she would put up, she would like make a bunch of deposits in the confessional or whatever.
And then they gave you free childcare for the after school, right?
And we had this one kid named Jeep was his name.
He was named after a vehicle, right?
Yeah.
So they named him Jeep.
And I was like, well, that's not how it works.
But my buddy Scott's daddy was like, you know what?
If he's being mean, you go up on that upper deck and hum a piece of concrete off at him.
And did you do that?
I don't remember if we did it or not, but I just remember that advice being like, that is aggressive advice.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But yeah, Jeep was problematic and he would body slam other kids and stuff.
Yeah, it sucks, dude.
Yeah.
But everybody had a bully, man.
But you talked about on a new podcast.
You have a new podcast.
Wait, I know this with the guys from Workaholics.
You guys started a new podcast.
That's right.
It's not new.
We've been doing it a while now, but you re-pick it up or something?
Yeah, we've just, we don't promote it.
So we've just been doing it in silence.
Yeah, no one knows about it.
It's called This Is Important, but it's, yeah, me and the Workaholics guys.
It's super fun.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's fun, dude.
And what a way to keep that thing alive.
What a way to keep an experience alive.
Yeah, it's just a fun way to get together.
It was during the pandemic, actually, we started it and we were like, dude, we never see each other anymore.
We're bored.
Let's just crank this bitch out.
Bring up a photo of the gang right there with the pod.
Yeah, this is important.
We're actually pitching a new show together.
Yeah.
So the boys might be back.
Yeah, that's so cool.
Yeah, we're, yeah, we're.
What a great group you got with, too.
Yeah.
That's fun.
It's rare that you have a show, right?
Like Workhallix, which was such a hit.
And then you now get to have an experience where you guys are still kind of together, even podcasting, right?
And with Gemstones ending, what's it like when something like big like that ends?
Like, what's it like when a project that you've done for a few years ends?
Like, I know even just doing a small movie that it was like the last day.
It felt like the last day of school.
And it was like, and we weren't even, and we were kind of close, but it only been, you know, maybe 30 days.
But this is years of your life.
What's that?
Dude, it's way different.
Like a movie, doing movies is so fun, right?
Like it's a black, it's a lot of work, like way more work than people think.
They think it's all glitz and glamour.
It kind of sucks.
It's a nightmare.
Yeah, it's a lot.
It really is a nightmare.
It's a living, you're up and you're down and you're up and you're down.
You're almost like a zombie that has to do some stuff.
I love it, though.
I love like putting all the little pieces together and you feel like you're the quarterback of a football team and, you know, the whole crew's working together and everybody's working for one common goal.
But then when it's wraps, a movie, you really only spent like two months together or however long.
And so it's like saying goodbye and it's, you know, it's, it's difficult because you made friends with some of these people.
But then on a TV show, it's years and years of your life.
Yeah.
And you really form like real friendships with some of these people.
So I like that better in the way that you're like some of these crew people, I'm going to know for the rest of my life.
And then it's just nice to build a relationship.
So that's what I love about TV.
And I'm like, I'm trying to pitch another show with the Workholics guys and working on a few other projects that I hope I can get off the ground TV wise, because it's nice just to have something that you can come back to every year and grow with the characters and, you know, have it morph over time.
Like Gemstone's ending, like that show was a wild ride, dude.
It got us through the pandemic, through two strikes, through all these ups and downs, all this turmoil.
It was nice to come back and have this be, you know, kind of home base.
And I know you just recorded with Danny a couple weeks ago.
Yeah, it was great.
Oh, isn't he the best, dude?
He's so great.
I was a little bit nervous.
I wish I had just talked about more regular stuff.
We talked about like some family stuff.
It was great.
Yeah.
It was great.
You know, you used to always kind of have your drothers, you know?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I didn't know, I had no clue who he's going to be.
Like, there's not a ton of stuff out there about him.
Well, he, he likes to be mysterious, you know?
And it's good.
He does a great job of it.
And he was talking about how like by not having social media and all that kind of stuff, it just keeps him, it lets him have his brain space for himself.
He's like, you have to have time to be kind of just where your brain's not doing anything, you know?
And he's so good about like doing what he does and not feel.
I think it's so easy just to be like, I have to be everywhere.
I have to be doing, and I feel this way sometimes.
I'm like, why don't I have a Snapchat presence?
I'm like, fucking Snap.
Who am I?
Yeah.
I'm not like a 14-year-old TikTok girl.
Like, you'd be a pedophile if you had one.
Yeah, I don't need to be a pedophile.
I just want to.
Everyone's doing it.
It is Hollywood.
It's Hollywood, man.
Yeah.
So he's, and he's just the coolest boss, man.
It was so fun.
Yeah.
You know, you meet him and you're like, I was the same way.
You're a little on your heels.
You're a little intimidated, right?
Because he's such a presence.
And I remember the first time I met him, it was at an after party for like This Is the End or something.
And we were doing a movie that Seth Rogan produced, Game Overman, which I did with the Workaholics guys.
And so we were there at the after party and I was trying to smoke with Seth, like go toe to toe with him.
And I smoke weed.
I'm good at smoking weed, I would say.
Not as good as Seth Rogan.
Yeah, he's yeah, he looks like a leaf of a joint.
Yes, he looks human joint.
And so I'm, I'm, so I'm like in a fucking daze, fully cross-faded.
And also he doesn't drink, but I do.
So I'm like just guzzling vodka while still trying to keep up with him.
And through this.
He has stiff person syndrome.
This is pre-stiff person.
This is pre-my stiff.
But out through this cloud emerges Danny McBride.
And he's on like my Mount Rushmore, you know, a favorite comedian.
And just seeing him walk up, he just says this.
Everything that he says is his character.
So it's like, yeah, it's just him.
Yeah.
And I was like on my heels.
And so I go, you're Danny McBride.
And he's like, dude, yeah, I know.
And he's like, hey, man, nice to meet you.
And then I looked at him and I said, you're a bright shooting star.
What?
Like, what the fuck, dude?
You're a bright shooting star.
I said, I told him you're a bright shooting star, which I think is like a Native American type of thing.
It might be a Native American, but it's also like, I think from Boogie Nights or something.
And so I said, you're a bright shooting star.
And he's like, yeah, okay, man.
And I grabbed my girlfriend at the time and I was like, we have to leave.
We have to leave.
And she was like, I'm having a good time.
Why are we leaving?
I'm like, I just called Danny McBride a bright shooting star.
And she was like, you're right.
Let's get out of here.
She's like, yeah, fucking, you're out of your mind, dude.
Let's get out of here.
But when he cast me on the show, he did not remember that.
I think he also was pretty cross-fated as well.
So he didn't remember that.
He might have been cooking with Seth.
Yeah, he might have been also cooking with Seth.
So dang, dude, that's crazy.
Yeah.
So thank God.
Yeah.
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Yeah, he just like, I don't know, it's tough because you, it's tough because you want to impress him, but you also want to just learn about him.
There was a lot of little stuff.
And to know that he liked the directing side and the thinking about in the program, that he thinks about that more than it seems like he does probably the acting side.
Not as a judgment.
No, no, no.
That's right.
That's the stuff that he talked about, why he even got into things.
That's the stuff that he likes the most.
Like he's like, I won't really go back and watch things.
I like to just be there in that moment when things are trying to are chaotic and how do we figure it out?
And I was like, wow, that's kind of fascinating.
He's a really smart guy.
He went to film school first.
And like, so he came into the business wanting to be a writer and a director.
And that's what I wanted to do too.
And I remember telling my mom, I'm like, I think I want to go to film school.
That way I can learn the other side and then put myself as the lead in projects.
And then I could have all the creative control.
And my mom, bless her heart, was just like, you're an actor.
Just go be an actor.
And she was like dunking on me a little bit.
Like, okay, dummy.
Just go be.
You've already been the actor.
Yeah.
You've already been.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let's not push our luck here.
Yeah.
Next, all you need is a lumber truck and it's a wrap, dude.
Yeah, dude.
A freaking steamroller.
Dang, dude.
So Jim Stones is, but no, yeah, getting to see him.
Well, it was funny because I went in the lobby and he, or they were waiting in the front room.
And they're like, Danny's here.
And we were trying to get ready a little bit.
And just been a long weekend.
And I go in there and he's just pretending that he's sleeping in the chair.
It's just so fun.
Like, kind of something a kid would do, you know?
He's the best.
It was just like, you know, I've walked in there and there's been a hundred guests sitting there and never once has one just pretended that they're sleeping.
Dude, he, he'll like, when you're on, he likes to keep things light and fun.
And, but he's also just like, he's like a little rascal, you know?
And so you'll be shooting your side of a take, right?
And it's over his shoulder.
And he'll just go, like, as you're trying to act.
And you're like, what the fuck?
Like, dude.
And he's like the guy that'll break the most.
Oh, yeah.
And I think it's like to keep things light.
And also he just thinks like he's such a good, like such a giver that he wants you to know that he thinks it's funny.
So he made me a cock light, a little light that can do cocks with it.
That's sick.
Oh, you need that, honestly.
He had like a little wiener laser or whatever.
It was like, you know how they have that light you can shine on somebody at like a, somebody's giving a conference or whatever.
Like a laser pointer.
Yeah, and you shine it on him and circle his dick with it.
Social security comes up and rescues him or whatever so they get shot or whatever.
Yeah.
Well, Secret Service.
I don't think Social Security is wrong.
Actually, Social Security, apparently, Troy's taking it out of business.
Whatever.
Yeah, it's nowhere to be found.
It's just going to be your grandma being like, what?
I need this to survive.
Here's a cocklight instead.
Yeah, that's what Social Security is going to send you a gift each month.
Yeah.
Like, hey, we don't have money anymore.
They took that.
But here's a cocklight.
Those days are over.
But I mean, maybe for some people, worth it.
What about this labian nightlight where they give you that?
yeah, this was it.
It projects five different cocks, and I didn't know that.
He didn't take me through all the cocks, he showed me that one.
Well, have you?
I mean, I feel like this is something that you need to spend some time with.
Yeah, I feel like you got to dust that one off.
And I brought it a little bit.
I brought it to Las Vegas with me this weekend.
And I was using it during some of the fights.
I would low-key people didn't know it.
Oh, that's fun.
But like, there were some of the fights going on and I'd flash a cock on somebody.
I'm sure you get weird gifts like this all the time.
I get weird shit constantly.
Like where they want you to talk about it on your podcast or they, you know, what I'm saying.
I just got this gift.
It was like offensive.
There was this dildo company or something, like a sex toy company.
And they sent me one that it's to fit over your dick so you have a bigger dick.
It was called a little more and you strap it onto your dick so your dick is bigger.
And I'm like, why, why was I singled out as the guy?
A little more.
Yeah, I think, is this it?
Maybe it, maybe.
Yes, you strap it on, you put it under your, your nuts through a little hole.
Oh, you put your nuts into it as well?
Yeah, underneath so it can stay on.
Oh, I see.
So you kind of put your nuts through a hole and then it stays on top.
So do you even need to use your nuts?
Not that I've tried it on.
Not that I know everything about it.
And is it a 41 regular?
What size?
It's a 42 short.
It's stocky.
Like me.
Just a short, stocky little.
Yeah, that's exactly.
It was amazing.
I like a little more five and a half inches.
That's so sad, dude.
If that's your little more.
Hey, you know, I guess that person would really need it.
Like it's a smart car of cocks.
Totally.
Totally.
That's something that your wife or girlfriend gives you.
I like that that one's sold out.
I know.
That one's sold out.
They ran out of those.
They're like, that means you have to have like a four-inch dick to then and you want to rock up to five.
Five and a half.
Yeah, for like your wedding or whatever.
Yeah, for a big event.
I wonder if I would like, you know, I guess it's kind of nice because then your wiener could not even have to be erect.
You can kind of be soft as long as you're able to fit the mold and just rock this thing.
Yeah, that's good if you're like, you're, you know, you're a little jet lagged.
You're a little tired.
Oh, yeah, I've been getting like for 20 years then.
Yeah.
So, and, and then, you know, you're, you're like, you don't really want to give it up, but then, you know, these women crawling all over, you know, oh my God, it's, it's exhausting.
Oh, you got to smash them just to keep them off the ceiling fan.
For real.
I know.
I know exactly what you mean.
No, dude, I'm married.
I have a one-year-old baby.
My wife is like, please stop touching me for 18 more years.
Do not touch me.
There we are.
We're a beautiful family.
We're a beautiful family.
Wow, dude.
That must be nice to have a beautiful family.
It is.
Is that a real picture?
That's a real, yeah, that's our living room.
Yeah.
Y'all have a boat?
Yeah, dude.
You're lying.
God, boats, dude.
Oh, my God.
That's what happens when you have stiff person syndrome.
You're like, you know what?
I'm basically a retiree now.
Now I just stretch.
I do like yoga in my backyard and then I take boats out.
They just tie you to the front like in that, what about Bob?
Yeah, I'm exactly like that.
Your character in congratulations too on your family.
Thanks, dude.
How soon after a wife has one child do they want to, is there a strategy there that starts to come in?
Like, do we have another one immediately?
Do we hold off?
Yes.
Because you don't want to have an only child, I don't think.
We don't.
We want a two-banger, the one-two-punch.
And I think we want to try to go fairly soon, you know, just to pound it out.
Yeah, keep it dipping.
I feel like once you're used to doing diapers, I'm like, let's keep this thing rolling.
I know how to do whoop.
I know how to do this quick.
Like, you don't want to get out of the diaper phase.
And then suddenly you're like, oh, fuck, I got to do this again.
You have to dust them off or whatever.
Yeah.
We're like, how do I even?
Yeah.
What are we doing?
What are we doing here, dude?
Yeah, I guess that's true.
Knock them all out.
What do you say?
Candace Owens on it.
She has had four kids in a row.
One, two, three, four.
She's on her fourth child right now.
That's a lot.
Per year.
So it's just like.
Oh, that's a lot.
Yeah, at that point, you're kind of running a distillery, it seems like.
Yeah, that's too much.
Well, I feel like it finally got to the point that like my wife is allowing me to touch her a little bit.
Right.
Like sometimes.
So then I know if like we run it back and have another kid, then it's off the table for another year.
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah.
So that sucks.
But it kind of fits so with your Gemstones character.
Your Gemstones character is now fully a homosexual male, right?
That is right.
That is right.
And what's that been like?
What's that journey been like?
Like, how do you get, did you.
My wife doesn't love it.
Okay.
She's not super attracted to that guy, that guy.
Yeah, it was, you know, it was, it kind of seemed like it was going that way.
And it was really fun to play like a character that had like a secret, you know, a little secret that I didn't want to divulge.
So it was nice this season.
I'm out.
I'm proud.
And I, and I could just like be.
Because I don't know about you, but I have like some gay family members.
And when they finally came out, it was like they were, they had a new lease on life.
They just seemed happier.
They like a new personality emerged from their cocoon.
They broke out of the hetero shell and now they can just be gay.
Yay.
Yeah.
And so it was super fun to play that.
Dang.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And do you have to pract, did you have to like channel any specialty or special gay folks?
Or do you call a gay that you are a gay person?
Did you contact some other gay people?
you take like a small, like a weekend retreat or something.
Yeah, there wasn't a lot of gay channeling.
Yeah, it was mostly just acting.
Okay.
I didn't go on any gay retreats.
Not that I'm opposed to it.
No, yeah, I'm just wondering, did you, and do you have to ask like a, is there like a because like sometimes with the, with some black stuff, if you want to use N-word, you have to get a pass.
You have to really need a lot of co-signers on that.
Yeah, definitely.
And a lot.
There'd have to be like a long list.
It was like all these people said I could say it, yeah, yeah.
But anyway, yeah, I was just wondering: do you have to get a gay pass from an acting guild or anything to play?
No, I think uh, I just did it.
I hope, I hope I don't get in trouble.
Yeah, yeah, fuck now that you're kind of airing it out.
I'm a little bit like, did I do them dirty?
Uh, but I don't think so.
I don't think so.
Yeah, I have some gay friends and they were like, it's great.
You're fantastic.
Yeah.
Because I think I walked the line of being a little flamboyant in moments, but then not in other moments as a gay man.
Yeah, and as your character, let's bring his character up too here, just so we can get a gander at him as well.
I also have been pulling some looks the last couple of years.
My fashions are on point.
Yeah, I think there was, it was not shocking, I don't think, to people that your character could have this going on.
Yeah.
Because there's also, there's always a surprise gay person in a lot of religious families.
Absolutely.
And look at this.
Look at that guy.
Look at that.
Sex pot.
I mean, that guy could be seven or 41. That's exactly how old I am.
This guy's been fucking.
This is unbelievable that this even exists.
Yeah, dude.
I know.
It was such a fun character to play.
You know, where I channeled the character was a lot of wrist work.
Like, I was, I just do, because when you're acting, for me, if I'm some, if I'm not playing like Adam DeMamp from Workaholics was pretty similar to myself, just the more manic version of myself, you know?
So I didn't have to do a lot.
But other characters where I'm like, he's different than me.
I have to find something where I can click in physically.
I found like just doing different things with my hands, I would be able to channel him in ways that isn't me.
Yeah.
I can totally relate to that.
Like sometimes when you go to costumes for a part and you'll try on different ones and then you'll put on like a certain outfit or something that they have you in and you're like, oh, this is kind of it.
And you start to feel a little bit different or you'll like kind of like walk if you walk around yourself a little differently.
You strut around a little differently.
For me, it was on Gemstones.
I got, they gave me these.
Well, I actually requested them.
You know how like certain people will wear glasses even though they don't have anything wrong with their eyes?
Yeah, dude.
It's like a fashion thing.
And so you put them on and just so like – You just look cool.
Oh, you're saying just any type of glasses?
Just like a regular glasses, but no sunglasses.
Window glasses.
Regular window glasses.
And put them on just for like a fashion sale.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I've done that.
Yeah.
So that to me, when I put that on, I like became a different character.
Yeah.
I was like doing a little bit of a thing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And that's how I morphed into Kelvin Jamstone.
Well, a lot of, there's a lot of gay activity in nature as well.
You know, if they back to nature, dude.
Well, extreme, they're either killing each other or they're fuxing.
Bring up that.
They just had two humpback whales, if you can find that, having sex, and they're both males.
So this.
So I'm just saying, gemstones inspired them.
Is not the only people that are finding themselves.
Yeah.
Right?
Two male humpback whales are seen mating off the coast of Hawaii, of course.
Yeah.
Obviously.
Oh, dude.
I'm in Hawaii.
I'll fuck anything.
Yeah.
When biologist Stephanie Stack first saw the photographs of two humpback whales mating in the warm waters of Hawaii, she says her mind was completely blown.
When I realized that it was two males, it was not what I was expecting.
I thought, oh my gosh, this is incredible.
Says this is the first, she's a biologist at the Pacific Whale Foundation in Maui, which sounds like something that Doge is going to bust soon.
Says this is the first time humpback whale sex has been documented.
She co-authored a paper about the rare sighting in the journal Marine Mammal Science.
Yeah, Elon's going to be like, so we've given $2 billion for gay whale porn.
So we only have one photo.
One photo to prove if they had a lot of films that could make money on Pornhub, then we'd keep it going.
But we got one pick.
It's not worth it.
You can't even open up an OnlyFans.
Yeah, that sucks, dude.
You know, there's an OnlyFans.
I just saw this morning, one of the girls on Harry Potter started an OnlyFans.
Uh-oh.
Yeah.
I mean, I don't know her.
I don't know.
Harry Potter's got less hair on it.
That's all I'm saying, dude.
That's all I'm saying.
Allegedly.
And these are rumors.
I don't remember the girl's name.
It wasn't Hermione.
It wasn't the number one stunner.
Jesse Cave.
Jesse Cave.
Hermione.
Jesse Cave.
Harry Potter star Jesse Cave says she's now on OnlyFans now, and her reason why is pretty understandable.
Yeah.
It's understandable.
I think she said she wanted a new roof or something.
Like she was going to do some home remods.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Which, by the way, I've done some home remods.
It's expensive, dude.
Oh, it's 50 racks for a roof.
It's probably 30, 30 racks for a roof, maybe.
Yeah, oh, dude.
No, I just, I just did it.
It's 80. Nah-uh.
84 for my roof.
Yeah.
How strong is it?
It's a really, I guess a really strong one.
Oh.
There's, what do they call those clay shells?
What are they called?
Three little pigs, roofers.
We used to have that group.
Oh, I don't know.
Yeah, we didn't get that.
I wonder if I could start an OnlyFans just showing off my calves.
Oh, yeah.
You know, I only got four toes.
Nah.
Fell off in the bathtub, homie.
After the accident?
After the accident.
My dad was missing a knot or something.
One of his little arms or finger.
Finger, they call it.
Hand arms.
Yeah, one of the hand arms.
Dude, I got hit by a Trans Am when I was a kid, not to the effect of you.
With a Trans Am, was that have the firebird on it?
It was Silver Trans Am.
Bring it up.
Silver Trans Am 19, I would say probably 85. Pulled up an 85 Trans Am.
It had aftermarket hood.
Well, that's kind of sick.
That's a cool car to get hit by.
I had an aftermarket hood on it.
And Joe Dirt was driving it, and that's why you were like, I've got to work with Spade.
I got slammed right there.
This is sick, dude.
I actually wouldn't, I wouldn't mind owning that car.
That bitch was tough.
Yeah, that's a sick car to get hit by.
But you have a cool old car, don't you?
No, I used to have, I mean, not even old.
It was like, I just didn't buy a new one.
I used to have a Camaro.
Oh, yeah.
That's what you had.
Yeah, I had a, but it was like 2010.
Yeah, there's my foot.
There's my foot.
That's my foot.
Oh, God, and it's darker, huh?
Yeah, I think it was just the lighting.
It's pretty normal looking.
I mean, normal for my legs.
It looks fast.
Yeah, it looks like those toes can grab something.
Like I can reach out like you throw me a ball and I go, yeah.
Just snag it out of the air.
But they can't catch things.
They're just regular toes.
It fell out.
It fell off.
I've told this on my podcast, but it fell off in the bathtub when I was masturbating for one of the first times in my life.
You're lying.
Seventh grade.
I was masturbating.
I just learned that my penis did tricks and I was playing with it and it fell off in the bathtub, dude.
Baby girl, why?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And what?
I don't understand how did it, were you taking blood flow from that area in your wing?
Like, what was happening?
It was hanging on by a thread.
And they said that it was either going to grow, like attach, and it was going to be fine, or more than likely, it was so sharred, charred, it was just going to flop off.
And it was, I mean, this is gross, but it was maybe one of the first times I ejaculated.
And I'm in this bathtub, and I'm like, oh, this is gross.
There's stuff in here.
And now I'm in this bathtub.
And then I see the toe going.
The little toe just floating in the glunk.
No.
Yeah.
And did they meet up?
They were, yeah, they were swimming together.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was pretty nasty.
Kind of a nasty thing.
You would think that it would be able to help it.
Yeah, all of a sudden it just like regrows.
Yeah.
All of a sudden it grows a toenail.
And then it turns beautiful pink and I just reattach it.
I screamed out and then my mom came in and it was like, huh, what?
And I'm like, my toe.
And then she's trying to fish the toe out and I'm like, get out of here.
Get out.
It was wild.
Yeah.
Did you tell your, well, now your mom knows what happened.
Have you masturbated since then or no?
Yeah, a few times, a couple times.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I do.
I do.
I'm not afraid to admit.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I like it.
I think it's normal.
I like it.
I don't like it that I used to like it and now I'm like, what are we doing?
Yeah, I understand that.
And I get that.
And that's how a normal man should be.
But I'm like, when I'm away, like I, you know, wife and kid at home now, if I'm on the road doing something, I'm like, daddy's alone.
Yeah.
You know, some sweet treats.
Time for some hand, man.
They stopped giving lotion in hotels.
A lot of hotels, they don't have the lotion nearby.
Really?
They used to have a small free thing of lotion.
They used to always have the lotion.
Now, the last few hotels I've been in, nice hotels, they don't have the lotion.
I think too many people were jerking off.
They were like trying to cut the jerk off numbers.
They're trying to knock those down.
I wonder if there's a shortage or something.
Yeah, maybe.
It's probably Doge.
Like, what are we doing?
We're spending all this money on lotion?
No more.
We spend $4 billion on lotion?
How do we subsidize lotion, dude?
Man, the mainstream media is a big machine.
I believe that that's conclusive.
There's no more debating that.
They shape stories.
They hide parts.
So we're never really seeing the whole picture.
Before you know it, you're stuck in this echo chamber, just getting one side of the story over and over.
That's how the algorithms work.
That's why I like Ground News.
It lets you see how different news outlets cover the same story, left, right, center.
You compare it all in one spot and think for yourself.
For example, there's this article right here on Ground News that says, White House narrows April 2nd tariffs.
Then you can go to another set.
All the headlines are right there and you can see all the headlines from the different news sites all on the same page.
I don't think we've had something like this where you can really, you can shop for your news and look at basically the nutrition facts of it and see, well, which site is giving me the real thing?
Which site has the most bias in it?
You can compare the same headlines, the same articles from one site to the next, all in one spot.
Expand your view of the news.
Go to groundnews.com slash theo.
That's G-R-O-U-N-D N-E-W-S dot com slash T-H-E-O to get 40% off the Advantage plan and get access to the mobile app, website, and exclusive newsletters.
One more time, that's groundnews.com slash T-H-E-O.
You have to go check this out.
I've never seen anything like it, actually.
I think it's kind of what we've all been wanting.
You all know I like to keep things cool, even in the winter, and nothing is cooler than a blue cube cold plunge.
I'm fortunate enough to have one at home.
And let me tell you, it's like baptizing your soul, baby.
Get in that little crispy bucket, baby.
It gets rid of them demons we all have and makes you feel great for seven or eight hours afterwards.
It's good.
My buddy Thomas Schiffer, the genius behind BlueCube, and I go way back, and he just launched a pre-sale for their new stand-up cold plunges.
Wow.
These things are the Cadillacs of cold plunge therapy.
American-made, full-immersion, weatherproof frames, and built like a Sherman tank.
I'll say this, they are built well.
And because you're listening to me, you can get a sweet discount when you mention my name.
That's right.
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So if you're ready to boost your metabolism, eliminate inflation and blast Away your anxiety, give them a call.
Head over to their website, bluecubebaths.com, and dive into the details.
Opt in on their website or give them a call.
I am grateful for the one that I have, and I feel honestly thankful to be able to have one.
I know they're not in everybody's price range, and that's understandable, but at the same time, I want to support my friend and his amazing company.
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Thank you.
Dude, some of the things Doge busted were insane, though.
Yeah, it is funny.
You know, one of them was like $2 million to eliminate some of the alphabet from like Mozambique or whatever.
It was like, what?
Isn't Doge a mean coin?
I thought it was.
So it's funny that it's also like we're going with this for the name.
Like whoever owns the Doge coin is probably kind of stoked that they're getting all this free pub.
Free publicity for sure.
Yeah.
Because they just started advertising it.
Yeah.
For all this things rock bottom.
You know what?
I will say this because they need different types of because your gemstone character, his job is he's a youth pastor.
Yeah.
Well, now I think he's just he runs like a sect of the church called Prism.
So it's very inclusive.
So like if you're gay or non-binary or whatever, something, someone who's been othered by society, you now can join Prism and God's light will shine through me and I shoot the rainbow onto you.
Ooh, baby.
I love that.
We need that.
We need like when I was younger, there's only like a couple types of gay guys kind of there was like, or it just seemed like there was.
Now we need more like, you know, you need more.
There's all different types.
There's all different types now.
I understand what you're saying.
Like when you're a kid, what you see on like movies and stuff, there's only like a secret gay guy.
Yeah, there's a secret, like, don't tell.
And then like a gay guy who's so straight.
Like telltale.
He's not gay.
And then the most flamboyant man alive.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then a woodpecker.
And then a woodpecker.
Yeah.
Yeah.
A guy who would just come to just waking people up.
Yeah.
Will not shut up about how gay they are.
Yeah, who keeps just talking about Jessica Simpson all the time.
I mean, if you were to pick, that would maybe the last pop star that I was going to think you're going to pull out of the crate.
But yeah, but now there's like gay construction workers.
There's gay people that are archers.
Yeah, I think there always kind of was.
But now you know.
Now you know.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Now it's and now you can even in church have a gay section of church, right?
Apparently, according to the Righteous Gemstones, I don't know if other churches are doing this.
I think they should.
They should allow if there's just, you know, or maybe they don't have to make it exclusive or inclusive.
Just make it, but.
I don't even think you need a section.
Right.
That's it.
Yeah.
But now there's more, like, yeah, there's just more gay people everywhere now and more common.
I like to see even more.
Like I would love to see gay train conductor or.
That's what my dad was.
Really?
Yeah, he's a train conductor.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, I think, you know what I'm sick of is you watch a movie.
I wonder if he hit my friend, dude.
I mean, now that you say it, it rings a bell for me.
He didn't hit your friend, but he did.
He has murdered people.
Really?
Yeah.
With a train?
With a train.
With a train.
Yeah, he would say that you go.
He was like, it's so gross.
Obviously.
And my dad's so funny.
He's like, yeah, tell you what.
I'm like a little kid.
He's told me this story.
He's like, hit a hobo.
And I'm like, oh, what?
And he's like, yeah.
And I'm like, oh, is he alive?
I'm a little kid.
So I'm like, is he alive?
And he's like, no.
Looked underneath the train.
I'm like, geez, looks like ground beef.
I was like, we could make, grill up some burgers with this bum.
And I'm like, geez, chill, dude.
This is a human being.
Who wants a bum on a bun?
Yeah.
Yeah.
So he, yeah, so he's murdered.
Bum fights.
How about bum with fries, huh?
Like, what, dude?
I can't believe a happy meal.
A very unhappy meal.
Where was he, and what district was he hitting people in, or what section of the country did he even?
I think this was Iowa, Nebraska zones.
Yeah, so that's a good area to, if you, if, you know, I feel like bums be passing out on train tracks there.
That if you were to think of like a classic bums be sleeping on train tracks, that would is, you think of that area.
That's around.
Yeah.
Why do people, it amazes me that people get hit on train tracks.
It's like, that's the only place you can be five feet away from there.
Just don't fall asleep there.
Like, why there?
I don't know.
I wonder if it's warm.
Maybe the tracks are, they conduct some warmth because the trains go up and down them.
Maybe.
I was just also maybe 15 feet away.
Right.
Right.
And maybe.
And to cover yourself up.
You know how there's usually rocks along the side?
Just cover yourself up with the rocks.
Yeah.
Off to the side.
Right.
I say warm.
That seems.
Yeah, look at this warm guy under these rocks, huh?
Yeah, dude.
I think, do you think you would be a good homeless person?
Let me think for a second.
I think you get the hang of it quick.
I think I would commandeer an area of a park.
That's what I would do.
I would find a park, stay in it for a couple of days and see like an area where nobody really goes.
See, that's the hard part because in LA, there's people everywhere.
You got to go.
And maybe some of these fires were, I mean, I don't know.
I'm not pointing blame, but like it would make sense.
I know if I was a homeless guy, I'd be up in them hills, man.
I'd be up in them hills.
I'd be covered in like coyote skins because I've gone on some hunts.
Yeah.
Right.
And you're just, and then you have a little bonfire and you're just roasting coyotes and stuff for food.
Yoats they call them.
Roasting yodis.
Yeah, roasting some yodis.
And then and then you maybe have your own little like barbecue stand, but only for other homeless people.
And they're like, oh shit, I got to roll up in them hills, get some yolks, get a Yolesburger.
Ron's slinging yotes, yeah.
Ron's got a fresh batch of yot on the grill.
Yeah, so that's kind of what I think I'd be doing.
So you'd be high-end homeless then.
Well, I think if you're going to be homeless, you want to be high-end.
But they're going to call the police immediately.
Poor people would just be like, oh, there's a, you know, that's going to be me in a week.
But rich people like, get this guy out.
Yeah, get this guy out of here.
But you have to be so up in the hills they don't even know you're there.
Oh, I see.
And you're, and you're, you know, you're killing yoats.
So you're like doing a service.
Like rich people don't want yots around because they kill the dog.
They kill like little dogs and stuff.
You could tell them straight up, hey, I'm going to be back behind your house.
I'll live back there.
Every now and then, if you have some used Burberry or whatever, throw it back there.
I think that's how you have to do it because you don't want anyone.
No one wants just someone living right behind their house and they don't know the guy.
Like you want to be like, hey, what's up?
Hey, what's up?
I'm Theo.
I'm going to be living directly behind your house.
I'm going to be on the lookout for yotes.
Yep.
I'll be calm.
I'll be quiet.
I'll fend off woodpeckers.
You'll sleep.
If you got like a dirty blanket or something that you don't want anymore, toss them my way.
Back up limes.
But I'm not asking for anything.
I'm not asking.
I'm just out here.
I'm protecting your home.
Honestly.
If you hear somebody singing Jewel once in a while, that's me.
Yes.
Just singing these foolish games.
Yeah.
And also, that's a beautiful song.
So they might do it.
Yeah, I think there is a way to live symbiotically with homeless people.
I think the problem is in some districts, homeless people start to battle against each other.
Homeless territory.
Can you bring up some of that?
Don't like that.
Territorial fights.
Oh, yeah.
There's straight wars, dude.
Well, there's a lot of that.
And there was a group of homeless people that attacked a Renaissance fair one weekend.
Really?
You couldn't tell who's who?
Like, you don't know who's fighting who.
You're like, either he's Renaissance guy or he's homeless.
I know he's covered in fur and eating a turkey leg, but that's either a turkey leg or a yoat leg.
I'm not sure which one it is.
Yoats are thick.
That's all I'm saying.
You got some thick yoats in them hills.
Let's go to this quora right there.
It says the top one.
It says, do homeless people ever get territorial?
Yeah, dude.
Most hobos have a campsite, tread softly.
They know the area extremely well.
And I've seen a couple of really interesting alert systems.
Alert systems.
I've heard of some being trapped, but never encountered that myself.
Okay.
And I like that on this forum, we're bringing back the word hobo because I don't think hobo is a derogatory term.
In fact, if I was homeless, you know how now you have to say there's like a new term for homeless.
It's called like unhoused.
Unhoused, I think.
Right.
I think hobo is better.
Hobo is like a fun, like you think you have a stick and a knapsack.
You're riding the rails.
Yeah, it's like a more fun term.
I personally.
Who's got a tangerine for Danny?
Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
Yeah, that's the kind of shit.
Yeah.
Oh, God, being a hobo.
My buddy rode on trains.
He jumped train cars for a little while.
I think that'd be fun to do.
He said, one of the problems is, though, this is one of the big mistakes that hobos make.
Because are hobos technically people that ride the trains?
Is that who it is?
That rings a bell.
Bring up hobos.
How do they travel?
My dad said that part of his job was to go up, walk up and down the trains and kick them out.
And my dad was like, I'd let him sleep.
That's a good man.
It's just crazy.
Your dad, what's up, Dennis?
That your dad hit people with trains and then you got hit by something.
Yeah.
A hobo is a migrant worker in the United States.
Hobos, tramps, and bums are generally regarded as related, but distinct.
A hobo travels and is willing to work.
A tramp travels, but avoids work if possible.
A bum neither travels nor works.
Yeah.
So, but yeah, bums, that kind of, I mean, you don't want to be called a bum.
If they call you a bum, you're like offended.
I don't travel.
I don't work.
I don't do anything.
A hobo's like, hey, I'm getting out there.
I'm mixing it up.
I'm willing to work.
Yeah.
I'm willing to work.
Willing to work.
I'll travel.
Yeah, we'll travel.
But I think one of the things is a lot of them die in the train cars because they close the door and they don't realize that they can't unlock it from the inside.
Yes.
And it gets super hot or super cold.
Yeah.
And also my dad says sometimes they're grain cars and you can climb up and then the grain is like open and you can climb in and then you sink into the grain.
No.
Yeah.
So they'll die that way too.
Took your coat off and stood in the grain.
I don't know that song.
Was that something you just made up?
Crazy.
This is Lemore Jewel.
Oh, dude.
I wish I knew more Jewel.
I wish I had a deeper knowledge of Jewel.
You know, my house was just broken into the other day, dude.
What?
Yeah, my house was a...
I have a house in Hollywood.
And yeah, they broke into my house in and out in under eight minutes.
Pros.
Dude, that's a long eight minutes.
Eight minutes.
Bang.
Adam Devine cops take a scary spill.
This is the second part of this story.
Okay.
so then I get they robbed my house and then I they totally destroyed my security system.
By the way, security system didn't do shit.
They dismantled it like that.
These guys are pros.
They just came in, they cut some wires, it was done.
And then they were gone.
So I'm like, got to redo my security system.
So I pay for them to come and set up the whole thing again.
And then the cops come because they didn't do it right.
The alarm goes off.
I'm out of town.
So the cops come.
They're checking the property.
This poor cop falls 15 or so feet, like trying to check out my property, breaks his arm.
No.
Gun goes flying.
Baton goes in a bush.
Dude, did they catch it?
It's a gnarly fall.
No.
So when the alarm goes off, there was no one there.
I get a call and the cop's like, hey, do you mind if we walk through your door's unlocked?
I'm like, oh, did I get robbed again for the second time in two weeks?
And he's like, can I walk through your property?
So I'm like, sure.
He walks through.
I don't get a call.
And then my neighbor calls me.
He's like, hey, is everything okay?
He sends me a video of this.
I'll show you later of this cop absolutely eating shit.
I felt so bad for him.
Also, like, you don't want the cops to hate you.
I'm like, and did he fall off of something, off of a ledge or something?
Yeah.
So how they broke into my house was what also where they were checking.
You can climb up the side of this hill to get in my bedroom.
And they like smashed a window to get in.
But the cops, when they put the window back in, my contractor didn't lock my door like a fucking bonehead, right?
So like a hobo.
Like a true hobo move, dude.
That's more of a tramp move.
Yeah, that is a tramp.
That's a tramp move.
Bum move almost.
Yeah, almost.
I won't say that because that's too offensive to my contractor, but that was a tramp move.
Why'd you do it?
Yeah, so the cop went what?
One cop went in the house, didn't find anyone lurking.
And then the other cop, I guess he was being a nice dude.
He was like, I got some mud on my shoes.
I don't want to tramp through this guy's home.
So he tries to climb back down, split splat, falls 15 feet.
He gets up, his arms kind of dangling like this.
And the other cop is down there.
He's like, are you okay?
He doesn't say, you know, when you're in a lot of pain, you don't say a word.
Like a lot of, like, you make a sound that doesn't have any sound.
Yeah.
It's like.
Yeah.
And so he didn't say anything.
And I was like, oh, this guy's, he's not feeling right.
Yeah.
Felt bad for the poor guy.
And did the burglars steal a lot of things that were important or no?
No, they, I mean, it was just like TVs and shit.
Not even.
They were like, they were like in and out in eight minutes.
They stole like my wife's purses and stuff.
Which, by the way, I didn't know how much purses were.
I was a little offended that this woman has this many purses.
I was like, oh, there's just a few purses.
And then she told me how much purses cost.
I'm like, you got to stop buying purses, lady.
Yeah, damn.
You're not going to have anything to put in the purses.
Yeah, exactly.
I'm like, the point of a purse is to hold the things that are important.
But evidently the important thing is the outside.
I didn't know that.
That's kind of crazy.
It's kind of an anomaly for what life is like or whatever.
I don't know if anomaly is the right word, but that's unbelievable, dude.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So it sucked.
It's the second time that house has been robbed.
I'm a little bummed.
I wonder if that's just happening more now.
Do you hear your neighbors and stuff talking about it or not?
Yeah.
So Blake in his neighborhood has been a lot of thieves in the midst as well.
They're saying it's like gangs.
Like gangs are coming in and they know their shit.
Because these guys took my internet down.
They had an internet blocker.
So they pulled up, disconnected the internet.
So that way the alarms won't go off or anything.
Yeah.
And so they, well, the alarm would go off, but the ring cameras went down.
So like, I didn't even know.
I didn't even know it was robbed until my gardener was like cleaning and was gardening.
And he was like, Mr. Adam, I don't think there should be a hole in your window, but it was right after those big winds we had, the El Niños, the Santa Ana's.
He's been through a lot.
And I was like, did a rock fly through the window?
Yeah, what could have happened?
Yeah.
I was like, yeah, what flew through?
Did a mango?
Did an orange fly through this window?
Was it a run by fruit team?
But it wasn't.
It was a criminal organization.
Gosh.
Yeah, dude.
I wonder if they're tracking people, knowing when people are out of town, especially if they're actors and stuff, if they're working at certain times or just a brave move just to climb up somebody's balcony and see what's going on.
Dude, it was at 8.21 p.m.
Like a time when people are out walking dogs and stuff.
So yeah, they were.
Or would have been home.
Yeah, it would have been home.
Cheeto Vera just had somebody pull up on him.
You see that video?
He's a UFC fighter and he was working in his truck.
This is pretty crazy.
First of all, UFC fighter, Cheeto Vera was working in his truck as a man with what appears to be a knife tried approaching him.
Oh, dude.
I mean, first of all, you see this guy working on his truck.
He's got neck tattoos.
Yeah, this dude pulls up, pulls a knife out right here.
Oh, look at that knife.
Crazy.
Oh, he's so lucky he didn't get shot in the back.
Like, just like Murder Town, USA.
It shows you two UFC guys that they're ready.
They also dude, he has a shotgun just laying on his front.
Like that was so easily grabbable.
Yeah.
Well, that's, that's, I mean, you're ready.
You're ready.
Those UFC guys are ready, dude.
If you even fucking whisper to them wrong, you hit the wrong octave during a secret and those guys will.
Ready?
They just, all of a sudden, they just got like throwing stars, just like thing, thing, thing, thing.
Oh, they will remodel the way you breathe.
You have to really, you got to be careful around those guys.
They're severe.
I feel like I couldn't.
I mean, I own a gun.
It's so tucked away.
I would never wear it to it.
You got to put both legs down, put like this.
If you don't know if it's really a strong kickback, have your wife lean against your back like this with her arm up.
So it's a lot.
It's a lot to do.
But you guys are prepared as a team then.
Yeah.
And you got to pop off.
I think if somebody, you know, I don't know.
It's like, if somebody came in your room, what would you do?
Say you wake up, right?
You think there's somebody in your room, Adam.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I would like to think I'm ready, ready to go.
You say something first?
Good evening.
What do you do?
Well, I was home.
My alarm kept fucking up because when they redid it, they fucked up.
So it would just go off, which is terrifying.
And I'm up there staying by myself.
And it was like 1 a.m.
I'm like trying to go to sleep.
And all of a sudden, the alarm goes off.
After the burglary in your house.
After the burglary.
And I go, hello.
Yeah.
I like lower.
I like lower.
I lower my voice.
I'm like, sound not like me.
I sound a little try.
I mean, it's, so I'm like, hello.
I've got a gun.
I'm like, I don't have a gun.
I sound like Peter Griffin, dude.
Yeah, I do.
I've got a gun.
Hey, Woolwis.
Yeah, I sound like a guy who didn't make it on the Sopranos.
Like he auditioned, but did not get cast.
I've got a gun.
I've got a gun.
Oh, I'm doing a bad dice.
Hey, watch out.
Oh, I got a gun.
I'll shoot you.
You start playing that video from home alone.
Yeah, yeah.
The burglars.
These dirty animals.
They're laughing so hard in the other room, the burglars.
Yeah, they're still stealing all my shit.
Just like, this guy's good, man.
Yeah, I like that.
We got to steal from here more often.
Will you keep a home?
God, you've had a life riddled with things, man.
Yeah, dude.
I didn't realize that.
I'm riddled.
You've had a lot of riddling going on.
Will you keep a home in Charleston?
Are you glad to be gone from Charleston?
I'm going to miss Charleston.
I wish I would have bought a place there just so I had more of a reason to go back all the time.
And also not a lot of crime there.
So I probably would have been safe.
Yeah.
Have you been?
Have you spent any time in Charleston?
I lived in Charleston for a while.
Oh, you did?
Yeah, I hitchhiked up there to chase a girl that I was in love with that almost had, almost didn't have to get a cease and restraining or whatever, but it got close to, you know, just loitering late at night.
That's okay.
There's a little rear window situation.
We've all been through some things, right?
Yeah.
It was college.
You were practicing for an upcoming role of a stalker.
What?
I was just, this is act.
I'm an actor.
I'm researching a role.
They're like, we haven't seen you in any roles.
Yes.
I know I'm only 17 and I'm not, I've never acted anything, nor do I have a career.
How do you expect me to get a role?
Yeah, I've got to practice.
But that was, yeah, I love it there.
I mean, it's amazing.
Yeah.
Danny McBride said that you and Tony would go and work out a lot over there.
Was that a real thing?
Yeah, we were, he's like a fucking true athlete.
He's got like a real jawline.
Mine like ebbs and flows.
Yeah, look, he's all jacked.
Look at that guy.
He's real jacked and juicy.
I'm less jacked and less juicy, but I do.
What's weird is we work out together.
We would work out together all the time and his body morphed into that.
And I look like how I look like, you know, like a regular guy.
Yeah, like a guy.
Like it's just a guy you see and you're like, I bet he eats cheeseburgers.
Yeah.
I hope that guy's okay.
Yeah.
With me?
With me?
I think people are like, yeah, I hope that guy's good.
Like, you think I look like I'm not okay?
No, I think you seem like, oh, I hope that guy's okay.
I'm trying to think of a job that I would see.
Say if I saw you, oh, mailman, son of, son of mailman, proud, proud, son of a mailman who's trying to make this father proud.
Mailboy.
I like that.
Mailboy.
And I'm not offended.
Yeah.
I'm not offended by that.
Okay.
Yeah.
I think that's a fair assessment of what I look like.
Yeah, I think I look like where you're like, ah, maybe that guy works out.
My neighbor hilariously saw me.
She's like a, she's the daughter of the people that live next door to me.
And she was like 22 and she saw me working out in my garage.
Sometimes I work out in my garage and I have my shirt off.
And she stopped and she goes, oh, hey.
And I'm like, hey, how's it going?
And she goes, wow, I didn't know you worked out.
Offended, dude.
That's an offensive thing to say to someone.
Yeah.
So, but I do.
Yeah.
It's like if you show some of your wiener, like a chick, you're weaning.
Like, I didn't know you'd have a wiener.
Yeah.
Whoa.
That's a, yeah.
Okay.
I think it's fairly obvious that I don't have one of those.
Yeah.
Then I need to get some different clothes, I think.
Or spruce up.
Yeah.
I need to grow the facial hair.
Spruce down.
Yeah.
Dude, can you believe that mail is still a thing?
Getting male.
Can you believe that right now, as we talk, sometime today, a man, a grown man or grown woman that looks like me, that is trying to make my father proud?
Yeah, that looks like you.
That's what I'm making my father proud.
He's like, he's going to see me delivering this mail and he's going to look at me and be like, look at this bright shooting star.
He's going to see me as Danny McBride at that party walking through the cloud of smoke.
You're a bright shooting star as I'm sliding some mail through a slot.
Yeah.
But can you believe somebody's going to do that today?
Instead of just emailing us and telling us what they need to tell us, somebody's going to drive over to our house.
Yeah, it's wild.
Walk up there, risk getting attacked by a dog because that's all they do all day is battle dog.
Dogs hate mailmen.
Battle dogs, battle senior citizens and gangs that are like, fuck mail.
Yeah.
They're like, give me that fucking mail.
By the way, there's never anything good in mail.
It's either like a ticket.
It's like, oh, I got to pay this thing.
Like they finally tracked me down.
Or a coupon.
Or just a, or just a coupon for a place you never want to go to.
Yeah.
They're like, hey, you want a car detail?
Drive two and a half hours to this place and I'll give you $15 off.
You're like, oh, fuck, I don't know.
Is that worth it?
I feel like the gas is going to offset the discounts.
And there's even a lot of the things now.
It's like, are you interested in foster care?
It's just like the, it used to just be like discounts on avocados and stuff, but now it's like the mail has gotten really, really crazy, man.
It's gotten pretty rogue.
I feel like.
Yeah.
For me, it's all just like, hey, do you want to buy your neighbor's house?
Yeah.
Because it's all just like people go in like, here's a house in your neighborhood that you can buy.
And I'm like, I already live in my neighborhood.
I'm not trying to move three houses down.
Do you live in this neighborhood, dude?
Quit fucking telling me about a house that's nearby.
You know, that's so true.
It's like, if I'm living in a house, you would think you wouldn't come advertise to me to buy a house next, like next door.
Or like maybe go like, hey, do you want to live somewhere cooler than, like, if you're, it's kind of a whatever neighborhood and you're like, you want to live in like a slightly better neighborhood?
I'll think about it.
Yeah.
But it's like literally my neighborhood.
You've done some fun things, man.
You got to do some wrestling recently.
Is that right?
Oh, do you see that?
Yeah.
Bring it up.
Yeah, dude.
I did some fucking choke slam.
AEW.
Great job.
I know.
I saw that right there.
AEW.
I just Jim So star Adam Devon hits up AEW.
Wow.
Look at this.
Is this a stiff person?
I don't think so, Jack.
Is that a stiff person?
Those jeans are hanging on.
Yeah.
Those jeans are hanging on by a thread right there.
Oh, butt cheeks.
Kaboom.
Flexing with all my might.
Flexing with all my might.
You'd have been a good wrestler, man.
Thank you for saying that, dude.
Or a mailman.
Look at this, dude.
Now you guys all kind of look like Tony right there.
I feel like you're all given a lot of Tony Cavalero energy right there.
Yeah.
I got to get Tony in here soon.
Yeah, get him in here.
He's a good guy.
He's one of a kind, man.
Yeah.
He checks in on me all, like not all, but every couple of months he'll check in and just say, hey.
What a sweetheart.
You know?
He's just a sweet man.
Do you know him?
I know him pretty decently.
Yeah.
I do know him.
I really, yeah, he's an exceptional guy.
He just, he has a way of always staying positive, it seems like.
He's one of those guys that it's nice to, I collect those guys as my friends.
I like to have some people that just hype you up, you know, because Adam Ray is like that as well.
And Adam used to open up for me on the road all the time.
And it was nice when you're on the road to have some, you know, you're kind of like, oh man, we've got to travel again today, yada, yada, to just have someone be like, how great is this?
How sick is this theater?
Yes.
You need somebody to be the positive because you're overwhelmed.
Hype you up and you're like, yeah, it is sick.
Look at us go.
Get in here, buddy.
Yeah, I've got like Amir K comes with me.
Oh, yeah, dude.
Amir's a positive guy.
Lee Kimbrell, he comes through.
The Kentucky Nightmare, I think is his nickname or something.
Kentucky Wolfcat or something, but he comes through and they're both have good energy.
Just positive.
They're like, let's go do something.
And I do too, but it's like, yeah, I just get like.
I feel like both.
We're pretty positive guys.
You just got to get ready for the show, though.
It's like, you know, it's like I spend a lot of my time taking care of myself, like you're saying.
Stretching.
Stretching.
I'll get into town.
It's like, yeah, stretching, getting an ice bath, trying to work out, getting an ice bath.
You fucks with a cold plunge?
All of it.
Dude, me too.
I was in it last night.
I like a cold plunge.
It's so nice.
What you keep your cold plunge at?
Me?
I keep it right at about 54. Ooh.
I'll do 10 minutes in there.
10 minutes.
I keep it at 40 and I'll do three to five.
Ooh, 40 is baby, baby.
That's cold.
That's ice.
Ice cold.
I really can't stay.
It's cold outside.
Isn't that song just like about rape or something?
They said it was allegedly about date.
Like pricking a girl in a staying.
Oh, that's you?
Yeah, there I am.
That's at your house.
Yeah, it's at my house.
Yeah, dude.
That's a nice one, huh?
Yeah.
Renew.
They're great, dude.
They are?
Yeah.
Renew cold plunges.
They're pretty fantastic.
I got a blue cube one that I keep in my garage that they a friend of mine made, but they're both.
Yeah, they're great.
And cold plunging.
It's the kind of thing, though, that I wish, now that I have it, I do it less.
I feel like I used to seek it out.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Now that it's there, I'm like, I could get in it right now, or I'll get in it later.
It'll be later.
You know what I should do?
I should just crank the heat up on it because it's so cold.
It's like you get it, like your joints are like, make it a hot bath in there, you think?
No, just make it 52 or whatever.
Oh, yeah.
I like doing that for 10 minutes.
That for me sets me in a good range, you know?
Isn't it weird that now we're like all about health and fitness, but it catches 10 years ago and we were just like little scum buckets.
Oh, God.
Just out there.
I know myself, I was just like gargling with vodka.
Just like, oh, dude, just going for it every night.
Were you drinking a lot?
I drink.
Yeah, I would drink a lot.
Wow.
Where were you drinking at?
Well, just like at the comedy club or whatever.
Like back when I was, I mean, maybe not 10. Yeah, maybe 10 years ago, but like that's when workaholics was sort of peaking.
So probably right.
You've been working for a long time.
Yeah, like anything.
Yeah, but anything like back when I was in the comedy clubs all the time or like when you're on the road all the time, that's an easy place just because you're in a new place and you're like, well, let's go to the bar after the show.
Oh, yeah, that's for sure.
Did you guys drink at AEW?
Who'd you guys fight in AEW?
Did you fight?
Because I saw Big Justice out there.
Oh, yeah.
I was looking at the Rizzler and I'm like, I might be able to take him.
I saw him the other night.
Yeah, he's nine years old.
Rizzler's everywhere, dude.
Oh, I think I offended these guys, Big Justice, and because I said I didn't even take a bite of the cookie.
And then I said, look at Big Justice's eyes.
He's upset because I gave it three booms without tasting it.
And I guess you're supposed to give it five booms.
What?
Who has time to do five booms?
They do.
They have all the time to do the booms, dude.
And I didn't know.
This was at the Super Bowl.
I might have been a few drinks deep for sure.
You're touching the back of a child.
I'm touching a child.
Look at like my face is hanging a little bit.
Dude, this looks like literally a Christmas card from Epstein's Island here, dude.
There is a brave Italian, which some people would say like kind of the Magellan of Costco.
Costco Magellan with a child.
Okay.
With just his son.
Yeah.
Okay.
That is his son.
I believe so.
Okay.
I believe so.
And then there's Adam Devine who's had a couple of drinks.
Just lurking.
Super Bowl.
Yeah, lurking, dude.
Would you, if you were, I mean, real talk, if you didn't know Epstein was a creep and he invites you, he's just a cool billionaire that you met at a party And you're not getting any weird vibes.
He asks you, he's like, Hey, I got this jet.
You want to come to my island?
You got nothing going on that week.
You'd go to the island, right?
Yeah.
Me too.
When people are like, check the logs, I'm like, not everybody, because even creeps got to take a day off.
Like, even you're not fucking the kids every day.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's probably a seasonal or like a special event, right?
Right.
Or it's like just when your dudes are there to party.
It's like, but otherwise you have to also have like regular people.
Regular.
Because here's the thing.
You have to keep up the ruse that it's a regular place where people go to have fun.
That's what I think.
So that the guys who do go and perv or the females that do go and perv out there, because it could have been men and women doing it.
I mean, I'm not talking about the young people.
We don't know.
But the adults, they need to be able to trick their spouses into believing that they go there.
And they're like, you've been there the one time.
You know it's a chill place.
There's coconuts.
Yeah.
There's coconuts and ukulele.
There's that guy doing the ukulele.
There's the fire dancers that come out and perform.
Yeah, there's a regular athletic.
There's like a lot of young kids whose parents aren't there starting a band or whatever.
Yeah, they're just starting a band.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They're just, you know, this is getting.
Yeah.
Sorry.
There's a character.
Yeah.
There's like a guy just doing funny.
Yeah.
He's just doing little artworks where he like makes your nose too big, something that kind of offends you, but you're like, it's funny, right?
And everyone's like, it's really funny.
And you're like, okay.
All right.
Yeah.
All right.
Yeah.
I know.
I see that.
And I'm like, I don't know about it.
I don't think all of them are creeds.
Like for sure some, for sure some are.
We haven't gotten, dude.
There's no way we're ever getting the real Epstein files.
It's been redacted.
It's being manipulated right now.
Well, it's because some of these politicians are probably on it.
Yeah, they're on it.
And they're like, and whether they were the ones doing dastardly deeds or not, who knows?
I don't know.
But if your name is on it, like if your name was on it, you don't want it out even if you didn't do anything wrong.
Even though you were just there sipping on a smoothie, just having a fun afternoon on this cool private island.
I haven't been on a ton of private islands.
Oh, dude.
I would like to go.
Yeah, I got invited to one one time.
I think it was LeVar Burton.
Was it LeVar Burton?
Yeah, maybe.
He's a Reading Rainbow guy.
He's got a private island.
Does he do the Virgin Airlines or whatever?
No.
No, that's LeVar Arrington, maybe?
No.
That is not his name.
Not LeVar, even a little bit.
Richard Branson.
Yes, very much not LeVar.
But yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, you went there?
No, they were doing something.
He has an island.
There was something there.
And I somehow got invited.
Oh, sick.
It didn't seem like something that was for me, maybe.
I don't know.
It seemed like.
Okay.
So maybe you wouldn't go to Epstein Island.
Maybe I would be the one to get tricked.
But here's the thing.
Say you're at Epstein Island and you notice things are weird.
What do you then?
You just stay on the tennis courts or whatever?
Like, what would you do all weekend?
Yeah, you're just like, you call yourself the pickleball king.
You're just always just over there trying to not see somebody on both sides.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There's no one to hit to because everyone's like, ah, this back dark room seems a lot of fun.
Yeah.
And also like the Diddy White parties.
I'm glad I was never during that peak.
Like I was, I was talking with my boys.
I was like, dude, if we threw out a different vibe in the workaholics days when it was when it was just peaking and that we get the invite, like, hey, do you want to go to the Diddy party?
I'm going all white, everything.
Well, if Shamar Moore would have been one of the workaholics, or if you'd had like a probably a, or more of a black cast member, urban cast member, then you might, and say you, there's then there's a lot of people.
Eric Griffin was more plugged in.
Right.
Terror Griffin was a little bit more Griffin than Eric.
Yeah, absolutely.
Then I think invited.
And then if you get there, then what do you see?
They just brought up Drewski in a thing.
Did you see that?
I did.
But he then came out.
He's like, dude, I had nothing to do with it.
It was like, in 2018, I was living in my mom's basement.
I'm like, yeah, that's probably true.
But it's just crazy.
But why even let that leak?
You have to start thinking if something gets leaked, why are they doing like, cause it's all some manipulative tactic, you know?
Yeah.
And so I don't know.
I mean, who knows?
Obviously, there's victims and people were doing dastardly things.
But you never heard anything about that when you were.
No, I didn't.
I just wasn't cool.
Like, I didn't get those invites.
I for sure would have gone there and just like kicked it by the fucking shrimp cocktail every year.
Yeah, you know, just eating like, you know, they have like a seafood tower.
Yeah.
You know, this is a ditty party.
You know, there's like towers of seafood.
So I'm just eating there eating crab legs, licking up the butter.
They're like, someone's trying to tag me in to the orgy, just covered in oil.
You do that thing.
You're at your legs.
You're like, I can't because of all the scars.
I can't.
Dick chopped off.
Dick was lopped off in the accident.
You do that thing where, you know how break dancers, they start to do the break dance, but then they don't get going.
You know, that's what you do.
You're like, oh, shit.
Oh, oh, pull the hammy.
Pull the hammy right quick.
I can't get in the orgy.
Yeah, dude.
That's why I would have been, I would have been like in the vaping section on the side of the orgy.
If they're like, oh, if somebody gets hurt, if a couple people get hurt, but when you're lying, you're deep on the bench.
It's like when they put in the water guy to make that three-point shot, or they put him down syndrome guy to make the six-pointer or whatever.
They tell him it's a six-pointer.
That's what I would have been in.
Yeah.
You're real deep on the bench when you come, but then you hit that money shot.
You're the hero.
You're the hero of the whole party.
People go crazy.
Did you get to body slam Big Justice?
Did you see the Rizzler?
You fight him too?
I didn't fight the Rizzler.
No.
And yeah, I didn't get to fight any of the children, which I was bummed.
I was bummed.
Yeah.
Because I'm like, someone needs to take these kids down.
And I'm about their size, dude.
But no, I only choke slammed an adult male.
So that kind of sucked.
But if you get a chance to remodel the fucking skeleton.
Dude, I love this phrase, remodel for one of these boom babies, dude.
Take them down.
Yeah.
Did they boom in front of you?
Who's got the boom now?
Right.
Who's got the boom now, bitch?
Did they steal the boom?
Did they boom in front of you or not?
There's a lot of booming.
They're booming all over anywhere they go.
They're booming, dude.
Have you not met the boom guys?
I never.
I met the Rizzler the other night at dinner.
I saw him.
Oh, dude.
He was drinking Dr. Pepper.
Yeah.
Past 845.
I'm like, he's a wild man.
Yeah.
I mean, these kids are off the rails.
But I like that it's a new generation of superstars.
Oh, there you are.
We're at Craigs.
A new generation of superstar children.
Like, this used to be like Corey Haim.
Right.
Oh, yeah.
He's the Macaulay Colkin of our time.
Yeah, he's the market.
Yeah, exactly.
but it seems like they're not going off the rails.
We'll find out here in 15 years if he's going to have like a sad tale about his time.
Well, how does it end?
Yeah, that's the thing.
You have to look 10 years into the future because he's a superstar, dude.
He does, he does this maneuver.
People go wild.
He was crazy.
It's his, ah, you know, someone already beat you to it.
They knew exactly the internet.
Undefeated, man.
You have a good idea.
It's up there.
It's already, they already did it.
It's done.
Yeah.
Was there a movie that you wanted that like, well, yeah, the Rizzo, I mean, I'll tell you this.
He definitely seemed like his grades were failing.
Somebody's like, his grades suck.
That's what I heard.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Word at Craigs.
Yeah.
Yeah.
People were passing around those pot pies they have at Craigs, and they're like, hey, before you take a bite of that, just know the Rizzo's grades must suck, dude.
Dude, he had a little tattoo that said, fuck social studies.
Oh, damn.
I was like, that's rough.
That's a wild tat to have at that age.
So obviously he's been going through a lot, you know?
He said he, I said, I said, he said these lips haven't seen a school lunch in two years.
That's what he said.
So obviously he's living high on the hog.
Dude, I don't even know.
I thought he was mute because all I've ever seen him do is.
Yeah.
You got to, it's the shh.
He does too many things, though, kind of.
I think it's just this, right?
And he's showing his jawline.
That's what's kind of cool about him is he doesn't have much of a jawline, but I like he's just like, I don't give a shit.
I got the Riz.
So come at me.
It's like a good way to build up self-esteem, you know, for children that are out there.
Some people are saying he's young gravey.
He's the actual young gravy.
But you know, young gravy was at the wrestling event too.
Yeah.
And young Gravy was at the Super Bowl where I was also hanging out with Big Justice.
So I mean, they're running in the same circles, dude.
He does have the same menstrual cycle.
Yeah, I guess so, yeah.
But that's crazy.
But here's the craziest part to me is that Big Justice isn't related to the Rizzler.
I thought there were brothers, dude.
I thought there were brothers.
These are just two social media kids getting together doing their social media things.
Dude, years from now, there will be these baseball card signing things where it'll be like the Rizzler.
You and me will be there.
That'd be sick.
Water baby or whatever.
Some baby that survived on like a – To have a baseball card.
Really?
Yeah, you should.
I bet they'll make a baseball card of you.
It's kind of sick.
It's kind of cool.
It would be kind of cool.
And then there's these kids, MD Foodie Boys.
Everybody's been watching them.
I like those MD Foodie Boys.
I like them because they're so sincere about like, have you tried nachos with jalapenos?
It's actually pretty good.
Yeah.
Just watch one.
I'm just a, if I had the chews, it'd probably be like pepperoni, but I'm not a big, I'm not a big, I'm just a regular cheese guy.
I just do cheese.
I don't, I don't do.
I just do cheese.
I don't really like pepperoni.
I don't like the taste.
I'll do pepperoni, but same thing.
Lots of other big pepperoni fans.
I think me looking at the cheese.
Dude, this is the podcast, and people love it.
And I also love it.
They're just so sincere, man.
How can you not have a, how can you, was there an age where you didn't like it, you just didn't care?
You're riled up.
You're riled up.
Sorry, dude.
I don't know if I've ever seen you this riled.
Well, I don't understand.
It's like, you're the foodie boy.
What are you talking about?
Whoa, dude.
It's okay.
No, it's fine.
No, I like it.
I like it.
Shit just fucking irks me because talk about some food.
Talk about some regatoni or something.
Talk about some.
See, well, this is the genius.
You start off, they're little kids, right?
So they're starting off with like hot dogs.
Like what condiments do you like?
Do you like on your cheeseburger?
What condiments?
Mostly condiment-based.
Now they're moving on to pizza.
What things do you like on your pizza?
And then as they grow, the dishes get more complex.
Like a tiramisia or something.
We're going to grow with them and their flavor palates.
I think that's what people love and relate to because it's because you're not going to them for an actual like, this is the flavor.
They're not like chefs.
They're children.
So it's just kind of funny to watch these kids sincerely talk about whether they like pepperoni on their pizza or not.
Got it.
Yeah.
Well, I just think, yeah, I just, I don't know.
There's, yeah, I guess, am I hating on children now?
What am I doing?
You're right.
Yeah, it's okay.
I'm excited for them.
It's okay.
They're hating soup or something.
At least I want to see them evolve a little spacho or something.
Well, just a four-minute conversation about if pepperoni on, but no information.
That's the thing.
It's astounding to have four people and walk away from each conversation they do with zero information at all.
Yeah.
About food.
I understand what you're saying.
About food at all.
Yeah.
I understand what you're saying.
But I think.
I wish them luck.
Yeah.
I think they're, I mean, they're runaway successes.
I mean, I'm sure people look at my career and are like, what is he doing?
Like, this sucks.
Right.
Like, why doesn't he do XYZ?
I'm like, I'm just doing me, baby.
There they are right now.
But how does it end?
McLovin, that kid?
McLovin, No Name.
What's the one?
McGriddle is the middle one right now.
Chub Perm.
Okay, you have No Name, McGriddle, Chub Perm.
Yeah.
So that's also, I think that's a, isn't that a trans wrestler?
Yeah, it seems like it could be.
He's got an earring.
He's kind of the bad boy of the group.
Which gives kind of sick.
They're basically, they're the new kids on the block.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Did you ever have an ear piercing?
Did you ever?
Yeah, I had two of them.
Did you?
Yeah, I did too.
Yeah, dude.
That shit was so fun, dude.
We were kind of funny.
And it would close up and you would still force something in it on stage you needed to feel cool.
Dude, I wanted to get a gauge.
I wanted to have like, I wanted to be that guy.
Characters had that, haven't they?
I wanted a lip piercing.
I wanted the whole thing.
I wanted to be punk rock, dude.
I mean, I'm fucking, I got an article star tattoo.
Oh, you did.
Well, you have a lot of, you seem like you've been through a lot.
Yeah.
Like a child of a Vietnam, like a Vietnam veteran, somebody who, you know.
Yeah, I went through, I am happy to say I never went through like, you know, how some kids are like, oh, I went through an emo phase or I went through like a goth phase.
I'm glad I didn't go down like a weird path where you're like, yeah, I wore a lot of fishnets in seventh grade or whatever.
I'm glad I didn't do that.
I had like small waves where, yeah, I would bleach the tips of my hair.
Right.
Yeah, I got a piercing, you know, in the left ear.
You never did your nipples or no?
No, I never did the nips.
No, I never did that.
No, you never did that.
That was a little wild for me.
That guy who did that was starting to be, he was doing a lot of drugs and he was secretly probably touching men in his car or whatever.
Men who wanted it.
Yeah.
I had a friend, not a friend, a guy I knew in high school.
Not a friend.
Not a friend.
He pierces his dick in high school, dude.
In high school.
And I know for a fact he wasn't getting laid, but he was saying like how good it's going to, like, it's going to feel.
And he was saying like, it feels so good.
And I'm like, I know you're not getting laid, dude.
We're both 16, 17 years old.
I know that.
And also, what kind of piercer is seeing a 17, 16 year old boy and is like, let me, I'll get, I'll be the one to get in there.
Yeah.
It was the whole thing was bizarre.
Do you remember when the first guy hooked up with a girl and then the next weekend you guys all went out or something?
He like suddenly had a condom in his wallet or something.
Or it was like suddenly he was like, he would be like, if the girls come, let me talk to him.
Just like it was seventh and eighth grade.
My one friend started having sex with our other friend.
And it was unreal.
And it was years.
Dear God.
Years before the rest of us were catching up.
And so he like, he was like the leader of the world.
He immediately went from like this kind of our, he was chubperm of our group.
And then, so, and then suddenly he's got this swagger to him, dude.
And there's no catching up.
Yeah.
There's no catching up.
Yeah.
There's nothing you can do to suddenly be in the cool group.
And then like he was able to talk to older guys now suddenly.
But it was I'm still, I'm still rollerblading, you know?
Like I'm not, I'm still like, hey, watch me backwards rollerblade.
Is this sick?
And they're like, no, dude, we're now having sex with girls.
And I'm like, oh, so you don't want me, you don't want to watch me like fucking swerve these cones real quick with these hips.
He's like, I'm working on my hip movement right now, dude.
I was a little, I was a little blader.
I was a little blader boy.
Yeah, that was a little bit of a phase.
God, dude.
What happened to you?
You're learning a lot about me, dude.
What happened to you?
There's so much had occurred.
Dude, well, I couldn't rollerblading was easier in like eighth grade, was easier for me to do than a lot of other skateboarding.
I couldn't skateboard.
Like my friends were skateboarding, so I could rollerblade because it was just a smoother movement and easier on my joints.
So it was, I was already like an old man thinking about my joints in eighth grade.
So it's just me like wiggling my hips, skateboarding behind my friends.
Yeah.
Oh.
Yep.
It wasn't that offensive.
You don't have to be that disgusted by it.
You're right.
And I'm going to be wearing knee pads and stuff?
No, no, dude.
I'm still a bad boy.
Yeah, dude.
I'm still like wearing fucking chunky corduroy pants and like a fucking sick metallica shirt with the lightning bolts.
You know, I'm still fucking cool, dude.
I still have like a bowl cut, but my hair was too, like, still, I have, my hair is too like buoyant.
So it would, it just went like this.
Oh, yeah.
It was just like a little, like the tip of a dick.
It was like a little dick head, just like a right here.
And I could pull it.
I could pull the hair.
It was so buoyant.
I could pull it and it would go down to here, dude.
And then you release it and goink.
Damn, you had a beautiful thing going on.
Yeah, I was looking good in the eighth grade.
Man, you've been through a lot, man.
You've been through a lot, dude.
Do you, um, do you, will your stiffness, is it getting better or is it getting worse?
Do you feel like over time?
It's getting better.
It ebbs and flows.
I have good days and bad days, but it is getting better.
So I'm still hoping to be in Marvel if they give me a call.
I got a lot of shit.
Last time I came on here, I was like dunking on Marvel saying that they ruined comedy movies because everybody wants to watch these big budget things.
Dude, people were very mad.
My agents were upset at me.
Really?
Since you said that, everyone in the world has agreed with that exactly.
Yeah, including a lot of agencies.
It's like, well, look, if we can't get them into Marvel movie, what are we going to do?
Yeah.
I mean, we've had a lot of great.
They were very mad at me.
They were like, don't, don't fuck with Marvel.
Like, I cannot believe you said that on that podcast.
I'm like, I wasn't dunking on Marvel, dude.
I was just saying, I wish there were more comedies, but they don't make comedies anymore because everyone wants to see a $200 million epic.
Well, if they need like mailman or something, then Marvel will come.
Thank God.
If there's a mailman superhero, I think I'm the guy, dude.
What superhero is making your dad proud?
Yeah.
I would be someone that like an unexpected superhero where they're like, this guy is not a superhero.
This normcore little bitch boy.
Smoothie manner.
Yeah.
Soy boy.
Yeah, soy boy.
Yeah, little soy boy.
There's so many heroes now, though.
It's like, are these all heroes?
We're getting a little exhausted on the heroes.
100%.
Yeah.
Well, even a lot of people were saying, who was it just came out and said that they're not even, it's hard to even have independent projects these days.
Oh, yeah.
Director?
I'm trying to get a few independent movies off the ground.
Are you?
Yeah.
And it's tough, dude.
I've never done an independent movie.
I've always done with a studio or with Netflix or with someone like that.
Someone with them deep pockets.
How much budget do you need to make an independent movie, though?
I'm looking for like $7 to $10 million.
That's a lot of money.
Yeah.
This is Mark Dupless right here.
He's made a lot of great stuff.
He's made a lot of independent movies.
Time for a big announcement.
Oh.
Well, those of you who know our company, you know, we love risking our money and making things independently that the traditional system would never make.
And we've done it for years with movies like The Puffy Chair and The One I Love and Safety Not Guaranteed and documentary series like Wild Wow Country and Evil Genius.
And we're doing it in television now, you know, with shows like Ramono 4 and The Creep Tapes and Penelope.
But the problem is we get it in work too.
I know.
We're like, I don't value these things the way they used to.
And honestly, we're sick of it.
And we know that you value these things.
So we are going to be bringing you our newest independently made TV series, The Little Long Night, credit to you, the audience members.
It's interesting.
Click on it.
You guys did your movie independently, right?
Yeah.
And you guys put your own money up?
Yeah.
Whew, boy.
Okay.
Well, thanks, dude.
Dude, what's the name of it?
Do you have it?
It's called Bus Boys.
Yeah.
Bus Boy is sick.
So it's just Spade and I both worked as Bus Boys in Arizona.
Oh, I thought you were both hit by buses.
I was like, this would have been Kismet.
Oh, man.
It would have been crazy.
We're all here, right here.
Get Spade in here.
He just pops out behind the curtain.
He's like, I'm crippled.
And we have a dolly that moves you around.
Yeah.
I'm just pushing everywhere.
So what's next?
Your family's growing?
Do you take a little time off of work?
When did you guys finish Gemstones?
We finished a few months ago, like three months, four months ago.
And I've been just dad mode right now.
And I have a movie in development at Netflix.
I'm selling this show with the Workaholics guys.
I got another show that I'm taking out.
Wow.
So it's a lot of like production, like pre-production stuff.
And you know how it goes.
It's like, we're going to make the movie.
And I have like a couple movies that are in development.
And we're like, we're making the movie.
And then it takes years, dude.
Yeah.
Years.
And you think it's happening and it takes so long.
But for me, I love it.
I love doing it.
But yeah, I still have that itch of like wanting to just get out there and get something done right now.
And that's why I do the podcast.
But with the Workaholics guys, this is important.
But I also miss doing stand-up, dude.
I was going to say, would you consider going out and touring again?
That's such a grind, though, once you have a family and you're acting and stuff like that.
I feel like that's a tough grind.
Well, because it used to be like a fun escape from the grind of producing and starring in TV and movies because then you're like, well, now I'm going to go on the road with my boys and it's like a party and we're going to go for a few months and I'm going to do a ton of shows and it'll be great.
It's like a little escape from my regular life of acting.
And now like with the family, I'm like, I just feel like a dastardly dog.
Yeah, well, your wife had a family kid, first of all, which she, I don't know if she should have done or not, but her choice.
Yeah, I think she should have.
But yeah, once she did that, it kind of puts you in the hot seat.
Yeah, yeah.
And also like being around.
I was like blaming having a kid on just her.
Yeah, it's what do you do with that ball?
She's just a fucking kid.
Yeah.
How dare she actually?
She slipped that one by me.
I just thought she was gaining weight.
I'm like, look at my plump little Betty.
She's looking all sexy, a little round mound.
Look at her girl smuggling a little basketball in there.
And then out came a kid, dude.
It was wild.
You just keep tickling her?
Yeah.
Being like, hey, she's like, don't tickle me.
Something's going to pop out.
She's like, oh, man, she's having spasms in her belly like I do, looking like a little handprint coming out.
Just like me.
Yeah, dude, it is wild.
When she had it, our son Bo turned around when they pulled him out.
He looked right back at me, dude.
It was like, it was like, it stopped my heart.
It was like, everyone says it's like a transformative thing to see your son or daughter be born, but it stopped me dead in my track.
He looked right at me like, bitch, what just happened?
Like, I've been all cooking up warm inside.
Right.
And now I'm out here all cold.
He turned around and was just like, like, I'm the captain now.
Yeah.
It's like, I steer this ship.
I rise.
Uh-huh.
Wow.
Yeah, it was pretty wild.
Dude, the origin story of humans is pretty crazy that you climb out of some woman's belly, dude.
It's like Greek mythology.
It's like a vagina, though.
Well, yeah.
Some of them come out the belly.
Actually, no, you were right.
You were right because it came, my wife had a C-section.
So you were right.
Ferverts go out the vagina.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's what I did.
Yeah, I'm a little freak like that, dog.
I'm a little freak like that.
Dude, it's a body load, you know.
Do not lick on the way out.
That's what I did.
That's what I did.
You're supposed to read the ball in there.
Do not lick on the way out.
I know.
I read it and like, watch me, bitch.
I'm gobbling.
I'm gobbling up the world.
Watch me whip.
Yeah.
Watch me nay.
Nay nay.
I almost said it at the same time.
Adam Devine, man.
Dio Vaughn.
Thanks so much, dude, for hanging out.
So fun.
I'm glad to see you.
You're physically doing okay.
Your family's growing.
We got to keep making fun stuff.
You have to keep making fun stuff.
This was one thing that I thought was really exceptional that Danny McBride said.
He goes, you know, I don't know if Hollywood knew that they wanted Eastbound because people were always like, why don't they make they make shit like Eastbound and Down anymore?
You always hear that kind of stuff, right?
And he's like, nobody was asking us for something like East Band and Down.
Nobody was asking us for something like vice principal.
It was like, we just made it and then said, we know this is funny.
And then they jump on it because you can't expect them to think of the next thing.
That's not what they do anymore.
He didn't say that's not what they do anymore, but that's what I start to realize.
They don't have that creative thing anymore.
That's our job.
That's our job.
Our job is to give them what we think is the funniest thing.
And that's what we did with Workaholics and what we're going to try to do with this new show if we actually get to make it is like you make what you think is the funniest and what you and your friends would laugh at and what you want to see what you want to actually watch yeah and then hopefully other people get on board and I you know I feel and I think you have a finger on the pulse too is we know what we like and it seems like a lot of other people like what we like as well so
that you know I think you just have to make Shit, that you think is fun and funny, and what, not even what other people want to see, because they don't even know they want to see it until you make it.
Right.
So that's it.
That's the thing.
And that's a lot of things.
It's like if you wait forever and get somebody to sign off on your thing, then it might not happen.
You just have to go and try and figure it out.
And investing in yourself.
That's what I realized.
Like, if I lose investing in myself, I don't really fucking lose.
It's like.
And at least you did it and you had that experience and you know the nuts and bolts of creating something now.
So if you decide to do it again, you can go, this is what I would change.
This is what I would do differently.
And also the like, like with people making something that they think other people would want to see, that's where you lose.
When you start to go, I know that they want to see this type of show.
Like this is what's selling or this is what, you know, I think that's when you get in a little trouble.
Like make what you want to make and then hopefully that'll catch on because as soon as you start to like go down the path, then it's derivative and people are like, didn't we already see this show?
We've already done this.
Then you're just kind of follow.
Yeah, then you're just a follower.
Yeah.
You know, but yeah, it's tough.
It's tough.
It's tough to figure it out.
And obviously you and I'm speaking from a place where, you know, we can afford to try and make a project.
So it's like, you know, not trying to sound like knowing that there's not a barrier to entry to that for sure.
It's not that huge.
I agree.
I agree.
It's so different now that you can get a camera, you can get a phone, you can figure something out yourself how to make things, you know?
Well, it was like when we did workaholic, not to just keep harping on this shit, but this is my experience, is when we did Workaholics, it was the barrier of entry had just lowered.
It used to be like to make something like that, it was $100,000 to make, you know, to even make a short film or $50,000 or whatever.
And everyone had to put it on credit cards and like to try to make something that maybe would work.
And you had to slurp off some producer somewhere.
You would have to.
You're constantly gobbling.
You're constantly gobbling.
And someone wants you to use silverware when you blow them or whatever.
I'm like, how rich is this dude?
Fucking pour some gray coupon on that bitch and do some gobbles.
But now, you know, it was just like a camera and some lights and we were able to shoot something that Comedy Central was like, what you doing over there?
You know?
Yeah.
Yeah, it's interesting.
I don't know.
I'm trying to sound inspirational to people.
Yeah, me too.
I feel like it's a lot of word salad for me sometimes.
But yeah, I'm just trying to be a fucking inspiration.
I think you are, dude, survivor of Cement Truck.
You know, the guys fought in the AEW.
The four season of Righteous Jimston is going on right now.
New projects in the works.
The podcast, you can lock in, listen to Adam, have ideas, think about things, share everyday stuff on his life with some of the stars.
Yep, this is important.
Anders Blake.
Kyle Newacek.
Yeah, he's been off the pod.
He's been directing Happy Gilmore too.
So that bitch is busy.
Too busy for the pod.
Must be nice, Kyle.
Must be nice.
Adam Roland, thanks so much for hanging out, dude.
Best of luck.
Good to see you, buddy.
Now I'm just floating on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
I must be cornerstone.
Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind.
I found I can feel it in my bones.
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