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July 18, 2023 - This Past Weekend - Theo Von

02:37:00

E453 Jim Gaffigan

Jim Gaffigan is a stand-up comedian, writer and actor. His 10th comedy special “Dark Pale” comes out July 25th on Amazon Prime. You can also see him in the new show “Full Circle” on MAX. Jim Gaffigan returns to This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von to chat about the tall task of raising teenagers as a famous dad, the wrong way to try and scare off your daughter’s boyfriend, memories from the early days of his career in NYC, meeting Robin Williams, finding your own definition of faith, going dark in his 10th stand-up special, and much more. ------------------------------------------------ Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com ------------------------------------------------- Sponsored By: Celsius: Go to the Celsius Amazon store to check out all of their flavors. #CELSIUSBrandPartner #CELSIUSLiveFit https://amzn.to/3HbAtPJ Caldera + Lab: Go to http://calderalab.com/THEO and use code THEO to get 20% off. Manscaped: Go to http://manscaped.com and use code THEO for 20% off plus free shipping. DraftKings: Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use code THEO to score $150 in bonus bets for betting $5 on anything. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-Gambler. In New York, call 877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369). In West Virginia, visit w w w. dot 1 800 gambler dot net. In partnership with Hollywood Casino at Charles Town Races All games regulated by the West Virginia Lottery. Please play responsibly. In Connecticut, Help is available for problem gambling call 888-789-7777 or visit c c p g dot org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (KS). 21+ in most eligible states but age varies by jurisdiction. See draftkings dot comsportsbook for details and state specific responsible gambling resources. Bonus bets expire seven days after issuance. Eligibility and deposit restrictions apply. Terms at sportsbook dot draftkings dot com slash baseball terms. ------------------------------------------------- Music: "Shine" by Bishop Gunn: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3A_coTcUek&ab_channel=BishopGunn ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: tpwproducer@gmail.com Hit the Hotline: 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: https://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 1906 Glen Echo Rd PO Box #159359 Nashville, TN 37215 ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips Shorts Channel: https://bit.ly/3ClUj8z ------------------------------------------------ Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers/ Producer: Colin https://instagram.com/colin_reiner Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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	We have some new tour dates and these are some new ones.
	Memphis, Tennessee, we've added a show August 4th and 5th at the Cannon Center for the Performing Arts.
	I know the Chattanooga show sold out.
	Don't worry.
	Don't go get a fancy price ticket.
	We will come back and you'll have another opportunity.
	Toronto, Ontario, August 30th, an eighth show added in Toronto.
	San Jose, California, we've added a second show September 14th and 13th.
	Oakland, California, September 16th at the Paramount.
	Akron, Ohio, we've added a show on the 8th or 7th.
	Washington, D.C., we've added a show October 19th and 20th.
	If your city is sold out, just keep an eye out.
	We'll come back through.
	We also have some tickets left for Windsor, Ontario on August 18th.
	Get your tickets through theovon.com slash T-O-U-R.
	And thank you so much for coming out and supporting the Return of the Rat tour.
	Today's guest is an iconic comedian, actor.
	I watched one of his movies not long ago.
	It's so good.
	This is his second time on the podcast.
	He's out of Indiana.
	And he has a new special coming out on Amazon next week called Dark Pale.
	He has a new television series, too, you can check out called Full Circle on Max.
	I'm grateful to chop it up with my buddy today, Mr. Jim Gaffigan.
	Shine that light on me I'll sit and tell you my stories Shine on me And I will find a song I've been singing I'm gonna stay I'll be moving
	I don't know what you're, you know, if you're with a podcasting thing or, but it's like the impact.
	See, that looks better, probably.
	Yeah, that looks nice.
	I'm a good-looking guy.
	Yeah, well, I so does it feel like you're getting busier?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, it feels like it's getting busier.
	I feel like we've been really lucky.
	I think we're independent too, since we don't work with a network.
	I think that people like that.
	What is the...
	I mean, it's the everyman thing, but it's also like, is there another, you know, authenticity?
	People crave that, right?
	Yeah, maybe they do.
	I think they probably do, especially these days, you know?
	Yeah.
	I think we want to try and, I mean, yeah, if I hear something that seems that's real or somebody's talking about something that means something to them, I think it means a lot.
	Yeah.
	I don't know why.
	We've been really fortunate.
	I, you know.
	Yeah, we've had, we've gotten to have some unique guests.
	I think, you know, I've always enjoyed talking to all different types of people.
	You know, I think I'm a late learner kind of.
	You know, some podcasters, they have a lot of information.
	I don't have it.
	Right.
	But I am curious about a lot of stuff.
	Curiosity is key, right?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	And I think I want to learn still.
	You know, yeah, you look, but you look handsome, man.
	No, thank you.
	What's the most handsome you've ever felt in your life?
	If you ever think about that, like was there ever a...
	You know, as a male model, I struggle with it.
	No, I don't think I've ever really felt particularly handsome.
	I always seem to look at pictures from the past and go, oh, that was, I should have been happier.
	Yeah.
	Right?
	Yeah.
	I, you know, and I, my, you know, having teenagers, you know, it's so brutal being a teenager.
	And I'm like, dude, you got a good.
	Your metabolism's working still.
	Yeah.
	You can, you know, you can have a pint of ice cream.
	It doesn't make a dent.
	Your dexterity.
	Yeah.
	Your hair health is even.
	Your hair is strong.
	You know, like, you know, like, They don't hear.
	Like when people, like aches and pains, they don't have aches and pains, really.
	Not a chance.
	But I don't know.
	I never really felt particularly good looking.
	I feel like I've never been...
	How about you?
	You seem like, I feel like in like a Nordic area, you would be a...
	I could see you being like a...
	No, no.
	I...
	Like a Nordic kind of mountain model.
	There is, you know, like among comedians, there is like, there is this strange thing where I think some comedians get embraced as being attractive,
	but I don't think that's in my, that's not a theoretical thing that, you know, like Steve Carell, like I think there was like, this is just maybe me, you know, getting it from Twitter, but, you know, women were like, Steve Carell, you know, it's like, I'm like, Steve Carell.
	Yeah, that's.
	And so I see that coming.
	Yeah, but I don't think that's, that's not in the likelihood or the possibility for me.
	What about like in the 1700s or something?
	Like, was there a time period you think?
	Because I, I mean, yeah, I think you're a handsome, you're height, you're tall, so that gives you some handsome.
	Well, pale, you know, and then there was the Rubinesque period.
	Like, oh, yeah.
	You know, like being pudgy means that you're not poor and being pale means that you're not working in the field.
	But I don't think that's been really.
	Oh, you'd have been the rock, dude, in the 1600s.
	1600s, I would have been, people would have been, there would have been posters.
	I mean, they all would have been drawn.
	They're like, did you see how pale and fat that guy is?
	Oh my God.
	God, he's beautiful.
	He's so hot.
	Is that Emily Radikowski?
	Right.
	I would be like the male Radikowski of think about like the breakthrough.
	I mean, there's so many beautiful women, but Emily Radikowski, like you brought that up.
	I know exactly what you mean.
	What is it about her?
	And how long have you been dating her?
	Yeah.
	Because it's not out of the possibilities.
	I'm a married man, but I don't know.
	You could date her.
	I don't get Emily Ratajkowski.
	You don't get it?
	I get that she's pretty.
	Yeah.
	I get that.
	Yeah, she looks pretty to me, but I don't get hit on by that type of gal.
	No.
	No.
	I get, who do I get?
	Well, let's put it out there.
	I get a lot of people, like, you know, kind of rural women who will send me like a nude picture kind of be like a drive out here and eat this.
	They'll say stuff like that.
	Because they're ladies.
	Right.
	Good point.
	But they're like, it sounds like it involves some travel.
	Yeah, well, it's outside.
	A lot of them are outside of the city limits.
	It's a connecting flight, too, which is like, you're like, you know, but, you know, I'm kind of a suburban rural guy, too.
	Oh, yeah.
	You know what I mean?
	So like, I think, and I don't know if we talked about this last time, but like there is something of, I mean, look, I love, I live in New York and I've lived in New York for 30 years, but like when I, like these different markets, you know, these cities or smaller towns, like I have, I have a good time there.
	Like when I hang out in Cedar Rapids or Carrie Lane, I'm like, and I'll go to a restaurant.
	I'm like, yeah, this is, this feels very familiar.
	And like.
	Want your pie first, sir?
	No, no, but do you know what I'm saying?
	Oh, yeah.
	It's like a steakhouse in Cedar Rapids.
	Yeah, that's...
	Yeah, that's a good point, man.
	I think I do too.
	I think you feel more at ease, more comfortable, more likely to see a fight.
	I feel like there's more, you know, somebody will come over and say they like your blouse or your shirt or something.
	You can wear an apron in there and people don't look at you weird.
	Yeah, you know, like there is like if a guy, no one's in an outfit.
	Like that's like if no one's kind of dressing like Eddie Vetter.
	Yeah.
	They dress like Eddie Vetter.
	Do you know what I mean?
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	And you'll see the most beautiful women.
	Oh, God.
	The most beautiful...
	Like, you ever been to...
	Monsanto will preserve a babe.
	You know what I'm saying?
	You get some of those field names, those daughters of farmhands, brother.
	I just think of like times when I, you know, I've been on bus tours with my family and we'll go horseback riding.
	And there will be just like working at some horse ranch.
	The most beautiful woman in the world.
	And, you know, she probably sleeps with the horses and she smells like the horses, but not an ounce of makeup on her.
	And she's better looking than any woman in the city.
	Yeah.
	Anyway, I'm a great guy.
	I don't know if I brought that up.
	No, I think, look, you seem like a great guy.
	And I think it's, yeah, it's interesting.
	I think the like beaut, like how we feel beauty, how we feel if we're handsome.
	I think it's interesting.
	Because I'll look at old pictures of myself as well and be like, man, you had a chance with girls.
	You didn't think you had any chance in the world.
	Right.
	But you had it, you were, or you just thought so lowly of yourself.
	But man, you were doing good.
	Yeah.
	No, I. You wasted the time.
	That's what I feel like sometimes I go back on it.
	Well, I think there's anxiety and, you know, there's the chemicals racing through you when you're a teenager.
	It's hard.
	By the way, I think, you know, having a couple teenagers, I think it's way harder to be a teenager now than it was.
	Is it really?
	Oh, brutal.
	So when we went to high school, we were compared to this pool of people in our school.
	I mean, kids today, they're compared to everyone on social media.
	It's brutal.
	Oh, that's true.
	I never thought about that.
	And so like, also the adventures that we would go on to like find, you know, mushroom weed or pornography.
	It was an adventure.
	And now it's kind of thrust on these kids.
	And so, you know, I'm sure there's scientific explanation, but it's almost like, you know, you had to go on a scavenger hunt to even get in trouble, at least for me.
	Right.
	So there was a journey to it too.
	Yeah.
	Whereas now it's, it's, you know, you, you know, it's pretty easy.
	You can get it delivered now.
	You know what I mean?
	Yeah.
	And that's great when you're 30, 40. But like when you're 15 or 18, it's like, it's almost too easy to get weed now.
	Oh, yeah.
	It's too easy to get a high.
	It's too easy to get anything.
	I mean, I remember with pornography, we had this dude in our neighborhood names, they called him Skittle was his nickname.
	And he was like impaired or whatever.
	Yeah.
	You know, he had impairment.
	Well, what kind of impairment?
	He didn't have, his legs didn't work.
	Yeah.
	So was he an, oh, he was, he was handicapped.
	He was bipedal or whatever.
	What is that called?
	Paraplegic.
	Paraplegic?
	Yeah, this para.
	So like just his like, was he in a wheelchair?
	Yeah, he was in a wheelchair, but sometimes they would, and then at the video store, they would, his, like, uh, handler or whatever was his cousin would push it, would like get him out and let him crawl under the, uh, into the nudie room in there.
	Oh, that's nice.
	And people would be, I mean, you would kind of, because you knew he was probably, and I hate to say this, you knew he was never going to mate in his life, right?
	Probably, but people would be so excited.
	You know, they'd be like, Skittles in the nudie room, you know.
	And was he called Skittles because he enjoyed the candy Skittles?
	I don't know.
	That's a good question.
	I think he's, I think he liked all candies, I remember, but he just, yeah, people, I don't know.
	There was just something excited about him.
	People be like, oh, Skittles in the nudie room.
	And people would be so excited.
	It's so amazing how there was a nudie room.
	There was, there was, I mean, the Blockbuster was just kind of like, hey, we're not going to have that.
	Yeah, we don't believe in that.
	But like the off kind of like the independent stores, there would be kind of like movies, you know, like regular movies.
	And then there would be like the R-rated, I mean, the kind of like naughty stuff.
	And you would have to like, if you would go, even as a teenager or like in your 20s and you had curiosity, you needed a reason to go over there.
	You needed like, hey, why don't we go over here just to check it out?
	Like you couldn't be like, you couldn't go in and make a beeline for it.
	You had to be like, this is so silly.
	What's this stuff?
	Oh my gosh, what's this?
	Yeah, are they selling cigarettes in here?
	Yeah, what is this?
	Oh, this is gross.
	But now a kid just turns on.
	I mean, by the way, Twitter, like, I don't know if you get this.
	Twitter's very dangerous.
	It's like, there's like just, I don't open the pictures just because I'm a Christian.
	But there's like, they set this, the spam or the robots send you pornography.
	That's insane.
	And you're like, you know, I'm trying to like, because, you know, you go through a process, I think, most men, where you're like, all right, I'm going to set some boundaries.
	There's nothing too productive in consuming pornography.
	So I'm going to set up some boundaries or some barriers.
	But like when it's thrown at you.
	Yeah.
	And why are robots doing that?
	That makes me believe even more like in UFOs when people are like, yeah, they took me somewhere.
	Yeah.
	They put something in my butt and they dropped me back off.
	Like it's always.
	They're always putting stuff in people's butts too.
	And they, yeah.
	But and at first I'm like, are they, would they really do that?
	But then now that I see that these other robots are just emailing people, like it's, you know, these, like these bots or whatever, like emailing porn to people, it's like, obviously these, these aliens are perverts.
	I don't even, I don't know if it's aliens, but I don't know what, I mean, I guess I've never clicked on it, but like it's, I guess it's to get you to watch their porn, right?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I think different people want you like, come over here, step right up, you know?
	Yeah.
	We'll guess how much semen's in you, you know, we'll guess that, you know, you're weighed in semen or whatever.
	When I was a teenager, I thought you had a limited supply.
	I thought you could run out.
	Oh, dude, the first erection I ever got, it was coming up, and I thought it was a, like a poop in my body that it was going the wrong way.
	That's a normal response.
	And I really thought it was a poop?
	Yeah, it was so scary because it was the same shape.
	And I was like, oh, my God, dude, one of my poops is lost.
	I mean, even like, it's just so.
	It was so scary.
	Remember part of your body growing and people thought it would grow forever?
	I had a buddy who got so scared.
	He thought his whole body would grow into a wiener and like there would be nothing left of him.
	And then the wiener would grow and then it would go back and he would reform.
	Yeah, I just remember having leg spasms.
	And did your nipples hurt?
	Yeah.
	Remember that?
	No one talked to you about it.
	Yeah.
	Well, you know, when I was growing up, no one talked to you about any of that stuff.
	You know, there was just like, there was just, you had to figure it out.
	And I thought I was mentally ill.
	I mean, I am mentally ill, but like, I thought, oh my God, you know, I'm like the biggest pervert in the world.
	And the reality is I was just like a 15-year-old boy.
	Yes.
	You know what I mean?
	No one was like, hey, because I've kind of done that.
	I'm like, look, hey, it doesn't mean you're a bad person.
	It just means I'm not saying engage in it.
	I'm not saying go full animal, even though some people do.
	But like, you know, it doesn't mean you're a bad person.
	Yeah, it's true.
	Yeah.
	I think in the past, there's been a lot of that energy, like something, there's something wrong with you.
	Yeah.
	Like if you walked up to a monkey at the zoo, because monkeys, they say some of the monkeys will masturbate and stuff six to seven times a day at the zoo.
	So if you saw somebody walk in there to one of them and be like, you know, sit them down in a chair on the side of the- Yeah.
	Say, you're filthy.
	Yeah, you're filthy.
	Stop behaving like an animal.
	Yeah.
	Or I'm not going to drive you in the morning if you keep doing this.
	You'd be like, that person's crazy for saying that to that monkey.
	Right.
	Or there'll probably be some people that are like, finally, someone's telling that monkey to stop doing that.
	It's all relative, right?
	And then there's people that would be like, I can't believe that you're judging that monkey's behavior.
	Do you know what I mean?
	Yeah.
	And there'd be somebody else being like, that monkey can choose its own pronouns.
	And we'd be like, it's not about that.
	Okay.
	The monkey is just jerking off too much.
	And, you know, there's that.
	And then there's also throwing the shit.
	Yeah, they throw a lot of...
	Anything that comes out of their body, they're willing to throw it.
	Why do we...
	We have, you know, but there's no beads, right?
	You know, like if they, or maybe that's their beads, right?
	Yeah.
	Just throwing that out.
	They're naked all the way.
	Like, it's, it's not like they're even flashing because, like, supposedly, if you flash, then like women flash.
	Yeah, they're show their breasts, you see the beads.
	But to get the beads.
	But the Problem was at Mardi Gras, and I'll say this, man, is that the breasts you saw were good or bad?
	They were not good.
	Right.
	They were drunk.
	They looked like some of them had been drinking, like the breast alone had been drinking by itself, even some of them.
	Yeah.
	That's another problem with pornography: we set up false expectations of what breasts are supposed to look like.
	Yeah.
	That's another reason not to watch porn.
	Right.
	Well, you've kind of gone with the game.
	I mean, I'm sure you've seen in your lifetime where breasts, fake breasts really popped off.
	Do you remember the first time you were like, wow, they're putting in.
	Yeah, there was a, yeah.
	I mean, the, I don't know, I'm kind of like, I'm not a huge, like, there's, there's part of me that's the whole huge breast thing, it doesn't, it's weird, you know, like for me, it doesn't do anything.
	You know what I mean?
	And some guys like big breasts.
	Some guys like, like big butts.
	I'm kind of, you know, I like, I don't know.
	Yeah, I like, I like shape, but I don't like, and, and it's a mystery to me because some guys really like big butts.
	Some guys really like, I remember when I first started stand-up, I was doing some road gig and this headliner was like, here, I want to show you something.
	And he showed me, and it was a Polaroid of him with a woman that had like enormous, like gigantic, and he was, he was kind of bragging.
	He was like, see, see what, see who I met?
	And I was like, this is what's head.
	This is what you're headed towards.
	I was like, play your cards.
	And I wanted to be polite and I was polite, but I was like, that's, you know, like, that's obviously she needs help.
	You know what I mean?
	But I didn't want to rain on his parade, but he was like, that's what got him off.
	That was like, he was, I'm sure he probably still has that Polaroid.
	Yeah.
	Like, maybe if he was, maybe when he dies, he's buried with the Polaroid of the woman with the gigantic boobs.
	Some guys, it's interesting how.
	That's all they care about, boy.
	Look at them boobs.
	Different tastes.
	Yeah, I think, well, they started to get, well, yeah, some of the boobs started to look like somebody had filled up a glad bag too big, you know?
	You ever have that when somebody pulls a glad bag out of a, like at a restaurant when they're doing the dumpster, and they pull the bag out of that can and it's way too heavy for the bag, you know?
	And it's not going to make it.
	And there's, there's liquid dripping.
	There's liquid dripping out.
	And you're like, that's going to be a mess.
	That's just going to be a mess.
	It's just, it's weird.
	I need to know.
	All right, so are you a big boob guy or a little – And I don't mean that as an insult.
	No, it's fun.
	But like, are you a big boob guy?
	Are you a big butt guy?
	I think I'm more of probably a, I think I like a, you know, more, I think I'm more of probably a mid-range.
	I like a little bit of buttocks.
	Yeah.
	You know, I like a woman that's healthy enough to conceive.
	Right, right.
	You know, I don't like, I'm not into those kind of needle army looking, you know, the kind of girls who looked a little bit too weathered.
	Yeah.
	You know, like I need a woman that's healthy enough to be able to have a family.
	Right.
	So I think that's a big thing for me.
	You know, there was a, what was the question you asked me?
	It was about like types of women.
	Because here, I'll bring this up.
	My brother, one of his, he really, he liked a woman that looked good in a baseball cap and a turtleneck, which I thought was really interesting.
	And I mean, that's a setup for a joke.
	He's, you know, like now he's like a serial killer.
	Right.
	No, but like, but it is interesting.
	He really, like, if she looked cute in a baseball cap, he, he was like, she looks good.
	Yeah, she's, she's great.
	You know what I mean?
	And so like, there's different things, there's types, right?
	That's a good point.
	There's different scenarios you want your woman to look good in.
	That's a really good point.
	Right.
	It's kind of like, you know, I remember when I was considering asking my wife to marry me, I was like, you know what?
	I could have fun folding laundry with her.
	I mean, now we hate each other, but at the time, we could do it.
	But you've earned that hatred.
	But no, but it is like one of those things where it's not just about how they look in a small skirt.
	You know, I mean, it is about, you know, and not just like their fun at, you know, at a ski ball or something.
	Right.
	But it is interesting.
	First impressions matter.
	They do.
	You know, it's important.
	How do you present yourself?
	And for me, I like to take care of myself.
	I like to take care of my skin, keep my skin decent and manicured, baby.
	That's what I like to do.
	And I use Caldera Lab.
	I use their regimen.
	It's called the Regimen, actually.
	And Caldera Lab creates a high-performance men's skincare product.
	And the regimen leads off their product lineup.
	It's a twice-a-day routine to transform your skin.
	God, look at his skin.
	I want some of it.
	That's right.
	The Caldera Lab, the bundle.
	You'll find the skincare dream team, the clean slate, the base layer, and the good.
	They even have an eye serum, if you like that, called the ICON.
	If you don't like all that, that's fine.
	But if you do, Caldera Lab, get 20% off with our code Theo at Caldera Lab.
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	So your ideal woman.
	Let's put it out there.
	Okay, let's put it out there then.
	I would say she has nice eyes, like kind of caring eyes.
	Like eyes.
	Oh, warm eyes.
	Warm eyes.
	Yes, because that is true.
	It's important.
	It's important to the kids, too.
	Yes, definitely.
	You know, you don't want some cold-eyed freaking slithering broad.
	Yeah.
	You know, making even serving muffins to your children.
	No.
	So warm-eyed.
	I would say hardworking.
	Hardworking.
	Sense of humor is really important.
	Yeah, sense of humor or the ability to laugh.
	Even being able to laugh, though, is also like having an inverse sense of humor.
	Like if somebody's a good laugher, I think it's just as, it's almost better than a sense of humor because at least they're, they're getting, they're having the joy, you know?
	By the way, the hard worker thing, I think, is really key too.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	My wife is a very hard worker and that's, that's, uh, that's great because then you can do less.
	No, but it is, I mean, I'm, we have a similar work ethic.
	We enjoy working.
	You know what I mean?
	And I wouldn't say working.
	I'm not saying like, hey, let's go grab some construction shifts.
	You know, it's like, you know, it's fulfilling for us.
	You know what I mean?
	Yeah.
	And life's hard work.
	It's like, if you want to stay in a marriage, it seems like it's a lot of, like, if you really want anything to work, you got to do it.
	You know, it's what it seems like.
	Yeah.
	How tall?
	How tall?
	I would say anywhere probably five six to six one.
	Okay.
	And how tall are you?
	I'm willing to go on the outlier side with the height.
	I am six foot.
	You wouldn't care if she was taller.
	I don't think I would care as long as she didn't do little things to me like probably pat me or something like that.
	Or call you shorty.
	Yeah.
	Or say, hey, give me that little wiener.
	Yeah.
	Things like that.
	And what about and what about the, do you want her to be younger than you, older than you?
	I would probably say younger than me.
	You know, I want her to be able to bear, you know, bear children if she wants to.
	Yeah.
	But then I got to make sure that I'm in a good space too.
	You know, I don't want to be some philanderer.
	Right.
	And I don't want to be a man who's peeking over the fence and, you know, talking to the neighbor's wife.
	Right.
	And I don't want to be.
	You shouldn't be neighborly.
	You shouldn't be talking even to a neighbor.
	No, but you're saying, so you want to also be mature.
	You want to be to the point.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I don't want to be doing any more like, I don't want to be more, do any more conniving or any, like, I want to, you know, I just want to be locked in.
	Yeah.
	Did you have a point where you were like, was it scary for you when you were like, okay, I'm going to get married.
	This is it.
	Like, did you have your mom, like, who dropped you off to go ask your wife, would you drive over there?
	How did you do it?
	I was, my mom dropped me off.
	No, no.
	I, I was at my brother's house.
	We'd gone back.
	We used to go back and we'd go to Indiana and then we'd drive through Chicago and go to Milwaukee where my wife's from.
	And I, you know, my wife and I, we had this agreement that she was going to tell me when she was ready to be proposed.
	You know, because, you know, the whole, you don't, there's no risk.
	You don't want them to be like, no, and you don't want you to process no.
	So, and we had talked about it.
	We had dated for a while.
	And I was at my brother's place and we were smoking a cigar in his garage.
	And I said, you know, I tell you, if I had a ring, I probably would ask her.
	And he goes, oh, I can give you a ring.
	I'll give you a mom's old ring.
	I used it and you can use it.
	And I was like, oh.
	And so then you're really on the spot.
	And I was like, all right.
	But, you know, again, I had also kind of made that decision.
	Do you know what I mean?
	So the decision had already been made.
	Yeah.
	You know what I mean?
	It wasn't like, oh, my brother told me to do it.
	So I did it.
	You know what I mean?
	So, and then we went up there and I knew that I kind of wanted to surprise her.
	And so I did it right in front of her entire family.
	And she's one of nine kids.
	And we had done opening presents and her, I had asked her dad for permission.
	He was like cooking in the kitchen.
	He's kind of a great guy.
	But like at that point, we didn't know each other that well.
	So he was like taking something out of the oven.
	I was like, hey, I'd like to ask your daughter marry me.
	And he's like, yeah, okay.
	And so then we were opening presents and all the presents had been opened.
	And then I did it.
	And it was.
	Did you feel nervous?
	Did you get down on one knee?
	It's so, well, I think as a comedian, there's so many, it's, you know, there's so many awkward situations we go in.
	That's a good thing.
	You know, where you have a show where you eat shit.
	You have a show where you do okay, but you can tell half the audience thinks you're a moron.
	You know what I mean?
	So like it was, it was awkward.
	It was it was, you know, it was nice, but it's, I'm also, you know, these watershed moments for me are they're not nearly as important as like, you know, the moment where I feel like I really connected with my wife.
	You know, like my child being born, there was, you know, it was special, but it's not as special as like, you know, the time when you take a walk with them.
	Right.
	For me.
	And you know what I mean?
	Yeah, and there's like a real connection.
	You know what I mean?
	Or like, right, those are kind of just built-in tentpole moments that are almost, I don't want to say old-fashioned, they're very important, but they don't, but that it's not like, it doesn't mean everything.
	For me, you know, if I'm not.
	That's a good point.
	I think it's a really good point for everybody.
	We put all these old, it's almost like we put these kind of like tyrannical, like emotional attachments to these moments, even though they might not be there because times have kind of changed.
	So having a wedding these days, which is really just a huge party that takes so much planning, which is more about the planning than it is even the vows.
	Yes.
	And the unnecessary stress.
	Oh, God.
	You're saying grievan.
	Yeah.
	You know, a lot of people.
	oh my god, the bread was wrong.
	You know, it's like, who cares?
	Who cares?
	I barely know this woman.
	Who cares?
	That's the only reason I'm here.
	Mention that they should have a vote at weddings, like, should we do it or not?
	And people have to really vote.
	That's funny.
	Wouldn't be a bad idea.
	I mean, a silent, and because it's also your loved ones, so it's a really harsh thing.
	And you shouldn't be able to open it until the next day.
	Like, the vote came in.
	Well, it's like a rotten tomato score.
	Like, as long as we get 80%.
	Yeah, that's it.
	But you're like, 43%.
	That's not good.
	But what'd the audience score say?
	A lot of old tropes and misdirected plot twits.
	A lot of people don't believe in me.
	They think I'm going to cause the disc.
	Your family should have a vote.
	I feel like because you're bringing that genetics into your gene pool.
	Well, you know, it feels like the family overall should have a vote.
	Well, there's also something that happens where you, I think the, you know, it's probably different in different cultures and different family cultures, but you kind of get absorbed.
	I feel like the men get kind of absorbed into the woman's family.
	Yes.
	Much more than the woman getting absorbed into them.
	Yeah.
	And it's, so there is something of, you know, like when you're dating someone and you meet their parents, you're like, okay, so this is the future, right?
	In some ways.
	But also their relationship.
	And my wife's mother is like a saint and her dad's a real sweet guy.
	So I was like, all right, I'm in good shape.
	It was totally misleading.
	No, but it was fine.
	Dude, I had an ex-girlfriend.
	Her dad would always be like, hey, he would say, like, whenever nobody was in the room, he'd be like, hey, listen to me.
	He would pass gas.
	He'd say, listen to me, fart.
	And then he'd be like, don't tell anybody.
	Wow.
	And he was real serious about it.
	And it was so strange.
	And I've never even said anything about it until now, but I just can't believe he even did that.
	Who would yeah, that's very strange.
	It's really weird.
	I think having like somebody dating your daughter.
	Oh, you don't have any power, really.
	No, you have no power.
	And, you know, I. And the kid is a pervert, whoever he is.
	Absolutely.
	He's a boy.
	He's sick.
	He's a boy.
	I have a 19-year-old and I have a 14-year-old daughter.
	And so when my 14-year-old, when she was 13, and she would bring over these guys and I would try and, you know, like you try different tactics as a dad.
	You're like, I'm going to be the friend.
	And you want to get to know them.
	And they're all, you know, they're boys.
	They're liars.
	Right.
	And so I remember there was this one kid who ended up being really sweet.
	And, but I was kind of like, and I'm kind of like inappropriate.
	I try to test the boundary.
	So I'm like, nice to meet you.
	I'd like to, would you like to see my knife collection?
	Thinking that would be really intimidating.
	And he's like, oh my God, I'd love to see a knife collection.
	And I was like, that's not what I wanted you to say.
	He was like, oh, cool, you got a knife collection?
	I'm like, no, I was trying to frighten you.
	Do you know what I mean?
	It's like, but they also know, you know, you're not going to hurt them.
	You know what I mean?
	And you can't anymore.
	That's one of the problems, too.
	And that's where a lot of, you know, a lot of fathers have lost a lot of their power.
	They used to have the ability to hurt, to fire a warning shot into the air.
	Yeah.
	And a lot of that's gone.
	Yeah, I was thinking about, yeah, it's so like even like us, what we think about ourselves, how we look, like, I mean, I think a lot of comedians probably got, a lot of males got into it because they felt it was their way of gaining attraction from women.
	Did you?
	I think so.
	You think, yeah, I think so, too.
	Totally.
	I remember witnessing, like, I had no confidence at all until my 30s anyway, but I remember, I mean, I had it in fits and spurts, but I remember when I started headlining at a comedy club and I would stand in the back watching.
	This is like they didn't have green rooms or anything like that.
	And I would stand in the back kind of watching.
	And I would see people come in and there would be, you know, attractive women coming in with their friends or dates or whatever.
	And they would be like, who are you?
	You know, they didn't know who I was.
	They didn't care.
	And then I would do the show.
	And then those same women would be treating me completely differently.
	And intellectually, I would know, oh, it was the show.
	They, you know, they, you know, they, they think I'm something that I'm not.
	They think that I'm something special.
	I have to make a point of never believing the hype.
	And then after six months, I was like, you know what?
	I'm good looking.
	I kind of totally bought the hype.
	Like, so we just get.
	We're so dumb.
	It's like, it's not that I'm on stage and commanding authority over a crowded room of 300 people.
	It's because they actually think I'm good looking.
	Essentially, I'm just a fool.
	You know what I mean?
	But then some guys who are not attractive men will, their confidence gets them to attract.
	So it's really part of the trick, I think.
	Yeah.
	I even feel like when you look at, remember when you would, I don't know if you'd ever look at a yearbook and or photos of when you were a kid and you'd see a kid that you'd be, a girl, you'd be like, oh my God, she was really good looking.
	Yeah.
	And why weren't we, why didn't we think, because we didn't, because she was struggling, you know what I mean?
	And didn't have the confidence.
	And whereas there were girls that were confident that we were just like, because we were dumb boys, we're like, duh, they think they're good looking.
	Maybe they're good looking.
	And we would, it's so much of it is confidence.
	And it's like, I just wish as a parent, I could just, you know, because my kids are pretty confident, but I just wish that like in those moments, because I remember being a teenager, it's, it's hard.
	Yeah.
	And people are like, just act confident.
	You're like, what are you talking about?
	Yeah.
	I'm filled with anxiety.
	Yeah.
	And I had so, dude, I remember having acne so bad.
	Do you ever have acne?
	Oh, I was just, I mean, I was this pale kid.
	And whenever I would talk in public, I turned red, turned red.
	And so I was just this goofy guy who was pale and like, you know, it was, I was the palest person anyone had ever seen.
	So it was, but that's probably, you know, contributed to me being a comedian.
	Like a dumpling, kind of.
	Yeah.
	I was like a marshmallow.
	Oh.
	You know, but a marshmallow that would turn red.
	I was a strawberry flavored marshmallow.
	Wow, dude.
	Yeah.
	Well, it's, it's, um, what's really interesting is if you think back to like the beginning of before they had mirrors and stuff, the only way you knew if you were a, the way you probably, is if somebody told you how attractive you were or how handsome or beautiful you were.
	So that had to be, I bet that's when like connection was a lot stronger too between people because imagine if the way you, somebody's like, you're beautiful and you've never, you don't have any real thought of that yourself because you have never seen a reflection of yourself.
	And the way it makes you feel, you're like, wow, that feeling is so powerful.
	I feel really connected to this person.
	Yeah.
	No, it's like, well, back then, I mean, just how bad did they smell, though?
	But they both smelled bad.
	They both, I guess you got used to it, right?
	I think not having shit on your legs is probably like a, that means you were ready to go out on the town.
	Because I feel like that would be something.
	I'm going to clean.
	I'm going to wash my legs off.
	Well, that's what all the cologne and the perfume was for, is to cover up the smell of butt.
	Yeah.
	You know what I mean?
	God.
	It'd be so much nicer if your butt was a little further away from you.
	Right.
	Or you could detach it.
	Ugh.
	Yeah.
	But like, I mean, showering, like, you ever like been on the road and you're like, you have to wear the same underwear for two days?
	Yeah.
	Like, it's a crisis.
	And then like.
	And they get warmer.
	But when you're a teenager, you don't care.
	You don't care at all.
	And, but, like, as an adult, it's also just like the comfort level.
	Like, I used to be able to sleep on like a bag of rocks.
	And now if I'm like, if I don't have this one pillow in my arms, then a baby can't sleep.
	It's so ridiculous.
	Yeah, man.
	Yeah.
	Getting old.
	Getting older is interesting.
	What we thought we looked like when we're younger is interesting.
	And being, it's amazing how much you can transpose or share with your children, but how many things you cannot share.
	It's amazing how many like lessons that we all go through, but we can't, there's no real clean, clear way to share that to a kid so they don't have to deal with the tragedies of it.
	Yeah.
	I mean, I, uh, they have to, there's so many times when I'm talking to my kids where I'm like, I don't even know why I'm saying this because it's like, you're not going to hear it from me.
	Yeah.
	You're going to have to go through it.
	It's like even when you're, you know, like kids driving, like, I'm sure when you were driving, there was moments where you're like, holy cow, I almost ran over that guy.
	Yeah.
	Do you know what I mean?
	And it's not like your parents hadn't said, you know, you got to make sure you look.
	But you don't hear that.
	It's just, it's just white noise.
	Yeah, your parents are just, yeah.
	Your parents are creepy people.
	You can't even believe they had sex before.
	Yeah, it's just gross to think.
	It's really rude how gross you think your parents having sex is, considering it's how you happen.
	You're like, oh, I guess I wonder if that's a factor in self-esteem.
	Like if people with really high self-esteem are like, you know, the idea of my parents making love is a beautiful thing.
	Because it's just like even your parents kissing, it was like, oh.
	Oh, it's horrible.
	I remember if my mom, if my dad tried to kiss my mom, my mom would fucking kind of threaten him with a cake cutter.
	That's good.
	That's good.
	She was a cake cutter.
	Why?
	Like, was there always cake?
	Like, did you have dessert growing up?
	No, we'd had, on birthdays, we had cake.
	Yeah.
	And that's when they would have some champagne together.
	Oh, really?
	And my dad would inch over and try to get a kiss on her.
	And she would raise that fucking cake cutter.
	The one that had the prongs, it was like, oh, yeah.
	It had the handle and then the, like that, and then a bunch of straight prongs.
	It looked like a comb almost.
	It was kind of like a server and a cutter.
	It was a multi-purpose thing.
	That thing.
	Oh, wow.
	That thing would take.
	Yeah.
	What is that?
	That was for the cake.
	Is that kind of like a Cajun thing?
	Because we didn't have cake cutters like that.
	I don't know.
	What's all the fingers going down?
	I think you could probably play a song.
	I mean, who knows?
	I don't know.
	It could have had a xylophone tendencies.
	I don't know what some of the backstory of it was.
	Yeah, that harp.
	What happened to that harp?
	That harp was everywhere.
	No, the doing, doing, doing.
	Oh, that little hand.
	What happened to that harp?
	I don't know.
	Yeah, what was that thing?
	What happened to snuff, dude?
	What happened to a cute old lady in church taking a freaking hit of that tobacco powder to the dung?
	You know, like the chewing tobacco thing.
	I did that.
	Did you do that?
	I never did it.
	Yeah, that was a big thing.
	I remember.
	What snuff did you do?
	I did the Copenhagen.
	I mean, the powder you would sniff.
	Oh, no, but I've tried that.
	I had tried that.
	So, like, that's just sniffing tobacco.
	Yeah.
	That's got to make a comeback.
	I would think that would, right?
	Because that's probably a pretty interesting high.
	But I would think it's really bad for you.
	What if we got nicotine in our brain cavity?
	Because snuff.
	Yeah, Ricky ain't doing well.
	He's got, he's got snuff.
	Oh, see, I thought that that was, that's the same container as chewing tobacco.
	Right, that's long cut.
	Now, that's an actual cut that you put into your lips.
	Snuff is more, there's dry snuff right there.
	If you look click on that one, one down.
	Yeah.
	One down right there.
	Yeah.
	There's dry snuff in that one.
	If you zoom in on that, Zach.
	And you can see that with that, that's just a beautiful dust right there.
	The snuff.
	It's interesting because, like, so Copenhagen, Kodiak, all that stuff, right?
	I remember when they introduced the pouches.
	Or maybe the pouches were all always there and I never knew about them.
	Yeah.
	But you know, those were all started in Scandinavia because it was cold outside and it was windy.
	So they had to, how they consumed tobacco was kind of chewing on it as opposed to where, you know, they could light it.
	Right.
	It'd be easier.
	If it was warmer out.
	You know what I mean?
	Man, people will find a way to get tobacco.
	They need it, huh?
	Right.
	A little nicotine buzz.
	It just gets you going.
	Well, it gets all your or it'll make you go to the bath.
	It'll make you stay awake if you're driving.
	It'll kind of just get you through things you need to do.
	People, I mean, my parents smoked constantly.
	Yeah.
	Constantly.
	And I mean, they all, I mean, they died when they were 10, but like, no, but they, they smoked constantly.
	And now no one really smokes.
	Oh, smoking's crazy.
	Like, it's, it's pretty rare to see someone smoke.
	Like, someone, like, I remember when they outlawed smoking in bars in New York City.
	I was like, well, that's not going to work.
	And now the craziest thing would be like seeing someone smoke on the subway.
	You're like, not only are they breaking the rules, but like they're smoking.
	Like, that's just.
	But now kids do the vaping.
	And that's actually worse for you.
	Right, but it's fun and it tastes good.
	And you can have all the flavors and it's like you can have all the different flavors you want.
	But kids' lungs are getting decimated because when you vape, you're inhaling oil as opposed to like cigarette.
	You were just inhaling smoke.
	But it's brutal because it is so fun and it's portable, right?
	It's portable.
	You can do it inside.
	You can do it outside.
	You see people on planes secretly taking a hit.
	Yeah.
	You know, getting gassed up.
	You see all types of people doing it.
	I worked on a movie and this girl was hammered.
	Yeah, just constantly.
	I mean, she was probably nervous, but like.
	It makes you more nervous.
	It does.
	Oh, it increases your anxiety.
	If you have no anxiety, you hit that thing, two hits, all of a sudden you're anxious.
	You're scared.
	You're calling somebody.
	You'll text the cops.
	Hey, what's up?
	It creates anxiety.
	Do you vape?
	I have been a vapor.
	I'll be honest.
	I have been a vapor.
	I have vaped.
	So, but like, it's addictive, right?
	You can't really get rid of it.
	It's the most addictive thing ever.
	But you seem like you kind of like, were you always, I mean, vaping hasn't always been around, but like when vaping came out, you're like, this is my joint.
	No, I thought it was kind of, I thought it was something that gay men did, honestly, at first.
	Oh, really?
	I thought it was, but I was the same way about the iPhone.
	I was like, nobody's going to, you know.
	Oh, that's so funny.
	This is, I was the same thing about twins.
	When I saw twins for the first time, I was like, this isn't going to stick around.
	I remember when email addresses, like I had my email address, this is back when it was AOL, and it was my name.
	And I remember a friend of mine making fun of me, like, you have your name and your email address?
	I mean, this is going back.
	And I was like, yeah.
	So that way I can just tell people.
	And they're like, okay.
	Like, what are you, your own business?
	It was such, and like, I remember Greg Geraldo making fun of me for having my website, jimgaffigan.com.
	He's like, why do you have a website?
	And I was like, well, I think everyone is probably going to have a website.
	And he's like, no.
	And then he overdosed.
	No, well, of course, eventually he got a website.
	That's what I meant.
	But it was just like, it was one of those things.
	It was, and he was a great guy.
	And, but it was, and, uh, but it was just, it was just seen as a little bit like unnecessary.
	Right.
	Like you're being a bit much here.
	Yeah.
	You know, like, even, you know, like commercials they used to, like when they, at the end, they'd be like, you know, visit nabisco.com.
	Yeah.
	By the way, I'm getting paid by Nabisco.
	No, I'm not.
	But, uh, but yeah, it's crazy to think, first of all, that anybody's ever going to go to Nabisco.com.
	Right.
	Yeah.
	It's like, I'm bored.
	I'm going to go to Nabisco.
	See what those Keebler elves are doing.
	Yeah, see some BTS of the elves, dude.
	Right.
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	What was Greg Geralda like?
	Did you ever get to spend time with him?
	Oh, yeah.
	No, I started with him.
	Oh, really?
	I met him at Coldwater's.
	There was an open mic there that you had to pay.
	And I think you had to pay like $5, and you'd go up.
	And he and I both showed up.
	And we were both wearing suits.
	We had a coat and tie on.
	He was a lawyer.
	He was a real lawyer?
	He went to Harvard Law.
	Oh, my gosh.
	Yeah.
	He went to Columbia on a scholarship, and I think he went to Harvard Law on a scholarship.
	Oh, wow.
	And he was working for the best law firm or one of the great ones in New York City.
	And, you know, like, yeah.
	So we were, it was, I can't remember, but it was just, because this was probably 92, 93. And it was, you know, at those open mics, like stand-up is much more middle class now, but back then it was, it was a lot of people that should just be in therapy.
	You know, it was a lot of people that I used to do those open mics and then, but poetry open mics, there were poetry open mics, and you didn't have to pay for those.
	And those were just even more mentally ill people.
	Oh, yeah.
	But I love those people.
	Like there was the Bowery Poetry Club.
	There was just these really surf reality, just these characters, just these New York characters that were, and just, you know, like you weren't sure if they were homeless or if they were just kind of, but there were, you know, there were some real charactery people that were.
	Oh, yeah.
	You'd have somebody with a fern built into the side of their head or you'd have like, yeah, somebody who.
	Somebody would just go up and they would just pour blood on themselves.
	Yeah.
	You'd have somebody with a pH balance of like 11,000 go up there, you know?
	You would have, I mean, they would have, and then poetry was like, it was almost like it was too soft.
	So it went the other way.
	It was slam poetry.
	Yeah.
	Where you'd have somebody just like throw a javelin through a white guy up there for, you know, two minutes or something like that.
	And then occasionally somebody would like read.
	So people would read their own, because there was slam poetry, right?
	Do you not hear my wings?
	And they would just fucking behead a white guy.
	And then there would just be like people would read excerpts from their novel.
	Oh, yeah.
	And people would be like.
	And they pass a gun around at the same time.
	That was the crazy part.
	That was the craziest thing, dude.
	It's like, I don't think we need this gun going around.
	So like the Russian roulette, would you ever do that?
	I think on an eight chamber, I would.
	I wouldn't go on six, though.
	Really?
	Do they make an eight chamber pistol?
	I'm sure they probably do.
	Like, do you own, do you have a gun in a drawer in your residence right now?
	Yes.
	Is it in a safe or is it just kind of next to your nightstand?
	It is accessible, I would say.
	It's accessible.
	Without a safe.
	So if your girlfriend gets mouthy, you can take it out.
	I could set it out next to the silverware.
	I could certainly set it next to the butter dish on the dinner table.
	She comes home and you're just waving it.
	Where were you?
	And she's like, I was just out with some friends.
	Uh-huh.
	How crazy must the past have been?
	I followed you on your Apple device.
	You weren't with your friends.
	Yeah, you were at Dave and Buster's, huh?
	Dave and Buster's.
	You know, I got tokens.
	Yeah.
	Who's Dave and Buster?
	You're buying Quizner.
	Who are you fucking?
	Dave or Buster?
	You're out there with these motherfuckers.
	These two men.
	Who's Dave and Buster?
	You know, is their food better than mine?
	Yeah, tell me the truth.
	Do you think you'd ever murder someone in a fit of rage?
	Yeah.
	You would.
	Right.
	What about you?
	Oh, yeah, I think I probably could.
	I mean, not that I haven't already.
	No, but I would.
	I don't know.
	What would you do with the body, though?
	That's the thing.
	Would you tell on yourself or would you take a few minutes to decide if you want to tell on yourself?
	I wouldn't tell on myself.
	Yeah.
	That's interesting, you know, because like people, you know, when someone murders someone, there's always kind of like people who are like, and then they lied about it afterwards.
	You know what I mean?
	He killed his wife and then he concocted this big, but of course what are they supposed to do and be like, I am a man of honor.
	You know what I mean?
	It's like, of course they're going to sit there and go and try and get out of it.
	You know what I mean?
	Like, you know what?
	I'll take 50 years in jail.
	You know what I mean?
	But it is like the, yeah.
	There's killing someone and then there's murder, though.
	Right.
	I think there's a way to kill somebody probably humanely.
	Yeah.
	A little more humanely than murder.
	There has to be some middle ground in there.
	Like, did you know of anyone that got murdered in your town?
	I have a buddy who has killed somebody.
	Yeah.
	And was he caught or did you just kind of out him?
	He was not caught.
	He was not caught.
	Nope.
	And is it one of those things where you guys were having some beers and he just started crying, I killed Angela?
	Or did he tell you?
	He's like, I killed Bob.
	No, we were, yeah, it was one time we were doing drugs.
	Yeah.
	He said it.
	And I just knew that he had done it.
	Wow.
	Because I've had people all the time are like, I killed somebody.
	And you're like, fuck you.
	You know, you haven't, you know.
	Wow.
	And they're like, you're right, I haven't, dude.
	And what was the reason for them killing them?
	I want to say it was like domestic dispute.
	Really?
	And it was gay, man.
	Wow.
	Wow.
	But I think there's a lot of domestic disputes.
	And I think the tough thing about killing somebody, right?
	Is how do you, say you kill somebody that say if you ask 100 people, 99 of them are like, yeah, you can kill Ernie, right?
	You can kill Ernie.
	So you do it.
	But how do you then, how do you hide that body?
	How do you and where do you do it?
	And then how I would feel honestly like I owed something to their family.
	So I would have to go and live next door to the family and be helpful to them or something for the rest of my life.
	I feel like without, you know, and I'd be like, oh, damn, I sure miss Ernie, you know?
	Yeah.
	And say, you know, it'd be fucked up, but I would have to.
	But they would eventually forgive you and they'd be like, oh, you know.
	No, but they didn't know you did.
	You'd make love to Ernie's wife.
	What if that happened?
	Is Ernie married?
	I think he is.
	And I think, yeah, at that point, you get in, you assume the whole role of the family and you just take over.
	And maybe you rebuild his life back to a level he could have never built it to.
	And you change your name to Ernie.
	Well, what about like getting rid of a body?
	Like, you ever notice that, like, you know, like, I don't, I garden.
	I like gardening.
	I know that's, it's, I don't want to brag, but I garden.
	Yeah.
	But I, um, like, getting, like, digging a hole, like, you know, some soil is easy to move, but some's like, you know, if it's clay, if you're trying to get rid of a body and clay.
	You're an idiot.
	You're no, but like you're like digging and you're like, you know what?
	It's not going to be six feet.
	Then you're just like, you're like, pile of leaves.
	Like, you can't go deep enough.
	It's just like, if it's really rocky soil, you're like, these rocks, I keep running into rocks.
	Yeah, I don't think this grave isn't going to be a sedan.
	It's going to be more of a two-seater.
	You know, we're going to go just like, this will be just a hatchback to this grave.
	And then the grave's just a foot and a half.
	You're like, all right, I'm just going to chop off the head.
	I'm going to bury the head here.
	Just to bury the other head to the side.
	And then you're like, and then you go to the store and you're like, I'm going to buy all those chemicals where you kind of like Dexter melted bodies and you buy the chemicals and you're like, you throw the body in there and it doesn't work.
	And you're like, shit.
	And then you look and you're like, oh, this, this chemical is not right.
	So then you got to dump out the body.
	You take the body and you throw it in a dumpster and you're like, and then you're about to fall asleep and you're like, you know what?
	That dumpster, they're going to find that dumpster.
	Because you see a guy walking in the background and kind of like, what are you doing?
	You're like, I'm not dumping a body.
	Right?
	That could happen.
	Oh, it would be, it would be so hard.
	Except some people get the hang of it.
	And I think once you unlock that code of how to get rid of a body, it's got to be.
	Right.
	I mean, yeah, it has to be like when you like Club 54 or whatever.
	I mean, you're just having a blast then.
	Yeah.
	You're just getting rid of people.
	So people get, that's how they get off, though, right?
	Yeah, I think a lot of people, there's a lot of killers out there.
	And women like the shows.
	I mean, that's one of the problems you've seen with society is during COVID-19, all the dateline episodes got watched up, right?
	People watched every murder episode.
	These channels started repackaging the same murders.
	People are like, no, no, no, I know this is, I've seen this murder.
	You're just trying to trip me.
	It's really sad.
	Also, then they started encouraging people to murder.
	They're like, we need some content.
	Oh, they have to.
	And Netflix started paying people to murder.
	Would you be surprised, though?
	No.
	If there were like, there was like a list.
	All right.
	So I got to date her for two weeks.
	Then I have to be angry.
	Wait a minute.
	I'm supposed to be on meth.
	So it's like all these variables to make a complex, interesting date line.
	You'd have to do all that.
	But like it would be worth it because you'd get paid great.
	Well, I think I could see, I could totally see if we get into a circle where networks, which are some of these big businesses are paying, especially networks are paying.
	Yeah, I'll pay $100,000 for some guy that don't want a killing spree, low-key, through some other channel.
	So it never traces back to me.
	I get to make a documentary about it.
	That documentary is going to make me $500,000.
	So why wouldn't I just keep doing that?
	Right.
	By the way, there is a movie called Man Bites Dog, which is great.
	I think it's, I don't know what language it's in, but before I had kids and before I was married, I used to watch all these indie films, and it's amazing.
	And it's about this documentary crew that's following this serial killer.
	And then they start joining in.
	Like, it's just how it's kind of contagious.
	Yeah.
	And how it's, it's, you know, like, so like they, they're like partying with the serial killer.
	And then eventually they get wasted.
	And then it's really dark, but it was kind of funny.
	Yeah.
	Anyway.
	Well, I could see you.
	I think you get kind of accustomed to anything, you know.
	I remember I stayed with a friend one time.
	They were playing volleyball every day.
	And the first day I was like, I don't want to play any volleyball.
	I don't like it.
	The second day I got out there.
	And the third day I was the first person on the court.
	And then, and before you knew it, you were Gabrielle Reese.
	Yeah.
	Is she a volleyball player?
	I think so.
	Yeah, Gabby Reese.
	Gabby Reese.
	Yeah, she married Laird Hamilton, didn't she?
	Really?
	Yeah.
	I thought, we'll find, we should find out.
	I thought she was married to.
	Yeah.
	No, she's married to somebody else.
	Who is she married to?
	I think it's Laird.
	Laird?
	I think her husband is Laird.
	Oh, all right.
	Who's married to Richard Marks?
	I guess she's not.
	Richard Marks.
	Because Gabrielle Reese, she was on MTV too, right?
	I don't know if she was.
	Richard Marks, I don't know who Richard Marks is.
	He's married to somebody.
	She was a volleyball player, right?
	Richard Marks is married to who?
	Who is his wife?
	Daisy Fuentes.
	Daisy Fuentes.
	Oh, remember, she was hot, dude.
	Richard Marks is not that old.
	No.
	I didn't know who he was, but he looks like Chris Isaac.
	He wrote all the, See, you're too young.
	The Marks Brothers I've heard of.
	No, he wrote a bunch of songs, and then he wrote all these songs for like the Backstreet Boys or something like that.
	God, that'd be nice.
	You have another skill, man.
	I mean, I saw your movie.
	Probably since we've last talked, I saw your movie.
	I think I even sent you a message about it.
	The one where you're the driver.
	Oh, yeah.
	Yeah, man.
	But it was really cool.
	Oh, thanks.
	Yeah, that was fun.
	I love acting.
	It's so fun.
	You crushed it, man.
	Oh, thanks.
	Well, it's fun.
	How much was it?
	How much did it cost to make that?
	They did that.
	I know they did it for maybe $2.50.
	Wow.
	They did a great job for that.
	Oh, thanks.
	And when we were shooting that, there's a car explosion.
	And we shot that in like, I don't know, 12 days.
	Wow.
	And when the car explosion kind of happened, we had to shoot other things.
	And we kind of tried to get the car out.
	And I remember us driving to the other location and the car was kind of still on fire.
	It was like a fire truck.
	I mean, it wasn't, believe me, it wasn't one of those things where we caused any damage to anything.
	But it was, I mean, it was this guy who was this great director and Derek Bort.
	And he, but he had, he, he lives in Virginia Beach and he had a buddy who had a car dealership.
	And he's like, can I have two of the same cars?
	Because we needed two cars.
	So anyway, but I remember there was a car that was on fire and we were, and I was like, are we leaving that here?
	And they're like, it's fine.
	It's fine.
	Cause we had to shoot.
	We had to get done with this shoot.
	Dude, it's America's changed.
	You can leave a burning car anywhere now, I feel like.
	Yeah.
	Well, there's parts of, but I think is it, there's parts of Virginia, not Virginia Beach, that's very nice, but like Norfolk.
	And Norfolk's nice, but there's parts that was like, whoa.
	Gets a little bit spicy.
	Gets a little dangerous.
	Well, there's some big cities they've gotten, even like Minneapolis is like deserted, I feel like, you know?
	Yeah, it's sad.
	When I go there, I'm like, like they drew all kind of murals.
	Like there's more drawings of people in Minneapolis than there are people anymore.
	I mean, I love Minneapolis, too.
	You take your special there.
	I think we were taking the same time down the street.
	Oh, yeah.
	And we couldn't see each other.
	We couldn't see each other because of the COVID restrictions.
	Netflix didn't allow anyone in to the this.
	I mean, this was also this, and I have a new one now.
	Right.
	That's what you have a new one coming out.
	It's your 10th one.
	I know, right?
	Isn't that crazy?
	That's unreal.
	Yeah, I mean, but it is, it's, it's, uh, it's, you know, it's all self-assignment, right?
	And so what do you mean by that when you say that?
	Well, it's like, you know, when you did your last special, you're like, I'm going to do this special.
	And you kind of set your mind to it and you do it.
	But like, I think the craziest thing is like when I did my first special, it was the expectation was that people would maybe do one or two or maybe, you know, like Carlin did a bunch, but it was not what it is now, which is where, and it might change where people every couple of years put out a special.
	I don't think, and that might change, but like, you know, I mean, here we are on this, on a podcast.
	I mean, that this didn't exist in its present form five years ago.
	Yeah.
	Do you know what I mean?
	Yeah.
	Where it's like people consume, like there's pressure for you to do episodes because people, you know, you know, they, they're kind of like, all right, I need another hit.
	Right.
	Yeah.
	It's really kind of scary.
	I think sometimes you're like, you become a dealer in a way, you know?
	Yeah.
	I mean, you become an entertainer and you look forward to having the chats with people.
	You also start to realize that people in our business and in different businesses are so busy that sometimes this is the realest chat you're going to get with them.
	Yeah.
	You know, and I started to realize that recently.
	Like I went, where did I go?
	I went to do a podcast and I was like, man, and my friend was, he's just a busy guy.
	And I was like, man, this is, I wish I'd utilized that time a little bit more with him just to really be like, oh, this is our time to connect.
	It's just, that's how, you know, if you spend a couple hours with somebody, it's a lot of time.
	So.
	Yeah, it's, it is.
	I'm jealous of, I mean, I don't want to, I'm not going to start my own podcast, but I am jealous of, because, you know, comedians, you know, you get some success.
	You never get to hang out with people.
	Do you know what I mean?
	The more successful you are, the more you, and if you have other aspects of your life, you're not going to get the quality one-on-one time that you would normally get.
	And just for comedians, this is kind of our oxygen is talking to other comedians.
	Good point.
	Yeah, I think it probably used to be different.
	You guys would hang out together more.
	Was there more of that?
	I think all of that happens too when you're coming up as well.
	Yeah, and I think there was also just there was, you know, there wasn't the touring and doing theaters, which is great and I love, but it was, or, you know, if you were doing comedy clubs, there was, you know,
	three or four people and you'd be there for multiple nights and you knew some of the wait staff and there was, you know, you had more of, there was more of a communal experience, but it's all shifting constantly.
	And that's that's true too.
	It changes constantly.
	And it's scary to know if the next shift, if you will apply to it.
	Right.
	That feels very scary a lot of times.
	If the next curve, if you will have, if whatever you're doing will have an ability to kind of like flourish in that space.
	But I think that, you know, I mean, we talked a little bit about this beforehand, before we even start.
	I think authenticity is what people crave.
	Yeah.
	And so there are things that are shiny and trendy and fancy, but I think that if it's authenticity and it kind of can adjust to the times, it's kind of timeless, right?
	Yeah.
	I think, you know.
	Yeah, I think you want, yeah.
	You know what I mean?
	It's like, there's always going to be people that have, that come from similar backgrounds to that we have.
	Yeah.
	Not that I know anything about you.
	But you know what I mean?
	You know what I mean?
	It's like there's, you know, but I don't know.
	I think that, you know, comedians, we are, that's kind of a litmus test among our peers is to retain that authenticity.
	That's not to say that there isn't some fun and there isn't some pretending and there isn't, you know, exaggeration.
	But, you know, it's also like, I think when comedians buy their own hype, even when, you know, even, you know, like when we were joking around, even like when comedians think they are good looking, that's kind of the kiss of death, right?
	When they're like, well, I am, I am a philosopher.
	It's like, well, you know, you have to be self-aware.
	Yeah, it's scary.
	It's kind of scary because also people start telling you stuff and you have to be careful not really to believe them.
	You have to just kind of know what your lane is.
	You have to stay out of your ego.
	The ego is really scary.
	It is scary.
	The ego is really, really scary, especially I think for guys who came from low self-worth and then here's this false sense of self-worth, right?
	Or here's this inflated, it's like this, it's like clothing.
	It's like this clothing.
	It's like, oh, look at me.
	Look at what you can do.
	But the inside of you, it doesn't really, it's not the reality.
	So yeah, man, that's been the scary.
	That's been something scary for me is like trying not to hear certain things or just trying to keep my ego at bay.
	I think it's ego, but I think it's also getting, for me, it's getting caught up in other people's expectations, which is, it's not like a problem that you solve once.
	It's, it's, you know, like the fact that your podcast is independent, which is not good or bad, right or wrong or anything like that, is like the expectation of what you're supposed to do with things is usually, and it's changing, but like, I guess what I'm saying is like the fact that Rogan, you know, everyone was like, oh, you're supposed to do this.
	You're supposed to start your own podcast company.
	He kind of didn't get caught up in that and then ended up doing that Spotify deal.
	And it's, and I think comedians have a tendency to kind of go their own path.
	But for me, when I sit there and I go, oh, I should, I should do this.
	That's what everyone else is doing.
	That's when I really mess up.
	Or it's like, oh, that's a nice dollar sign.
	Right.
	You know, my agent said that's good money.
	That's when you get in trouble.
	Yeah.
	Is other people's expectations rather than anyway.
	No, no, that's a great point.
	What do you think, what do you think is how do we how do we how do we kind of or what things come into play there when we're trying to figure that out because I'll have things like that that come across and it's like hey man you know this looks great this is so many thousands of dollars I'm like dang that looks great that yeah but then it's like trying to know what trust whatever your instinct is you know or know what your instinct is that's really hard sometimes right to know like is this an instinct or is this a fear is this like an
	instinct telling me yes or is that my ego telling me yes like right starts to get weird to fucking figure those like who's like who's at the front pointing at that moment you know what part of you i think it's it's like you know it's you know i think the ego is very impulsive right so it's like maybe taking time and you know it sounds corny the pros and the cons that helps a lot you know i mean and also you know you've got this successful podcast but
	like also you have friends and you can and you know uh it's just kind of like you know like your unique uh sensibility is is not something that someone could tell you how to come up with you know what i mean it's like that was on you but i think i think input from uh mentors people you and but i think also tempered you
	know i mean like it's like kind of take all the advice and cut it in half like even when people like bad mouth someone i usually typically cut it in half and so that's why like if i really hate someone i'm like i already cut it in half and i hate you you know what i mean i'm like all right half the half half the bad shit you did what um when you and giraldo were coming up was did he start off doing better than you you guys were both doing well at the same time was there competition there
	like what kind of uh that's so crazy he was so smart huh he oh he was super smart and he was also you know everyone liked him yeah and he would help me get in to because he grew up in queens he would help me get Into clubs on Long Island.
	I was like this whitebread guy, you know, and like on Long Island, they're like, who's this dork?
	Yeah, who's this man?
	Yeah.
	And so, but he would help me.
	But yeah, no, he had a lot of success.
	And I was jealous.
	And I told him that I was jealous.
	And, but, you know, it's weird because, you know, it's not just about the success.
	I think it's like how we all process the failures.
	Like, I almost feel like the advantage I had was that I had failed in a lot of things.
	Whereas like people that were really successful in everything, they didn't have kind of the appetite for it.
	You know, like.
	Or the aptitude even for failure.
	You have to have some fucking.
	Yeah.
	And, you know, like some people that are allergic to cilantro, they just, they're like, it tastes like soap.
	It's like, and so like failure, you have to, have to have, you know, you know, it's like be tempered by it a little.
	Yeah, you have to like, you have to have the calluses to deal with some of it, if that makes sense.
	No, I think it makes a ton of sense, man.
	That's fascinating.
	I wish I knew more about him.
	I always hear neat things about him.
	Yeah.
	His son's doing stand-up.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	I don't know if I'm supposed to add that, but.
	No, good for him.
	Yeah.
	That's exciting.
	Man, I always wonder what it feels like.
	I wonder if somebody's so, like, imagine having a father that was extremely famous, right?
	Yeah.
	Like, say your father was, I'm trying to think of somebody who's really, really famous.
	Who can we think of?
	Pierce Brosnan or Carol O'Connor or who else has a kid?
	Well, you know, like the Quaid.
	Oh, the Quaid family.
	They're interesting.
	Yeah.
	I want to interview the brother to Randy.
	Yeah.
	I mean, well, yeah, you should totally interview.
	I want to interview Randy.
	Randy, if you're out there, would love to sit down and chat with you sometime, man.
	But their son, Jack.
	Yeah, because the son, Jack.
	Extremely talented and an amazing guy.
	I got to interview him years ago and he was...
	Do you live in Nashville?
	Yeah.
	And because I did this show full circle with Dennis, and he lives in Nashville.
	Well, Jesus.
	Oh, yeah.
	Dennis lives there.
	Yeah.
	But I'm thinking Dennis' brother, Randy.
	Yeah, but like, they might, you know, he might go to visit his brother.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, Dennis lives over there.
	I saw his picture in a magazine.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, Randy.
	Yeah, that's a serious beard.
	That's a beard that's, you know.
	That's when your face is like, hey, I'm going to live off the grid.
	That's kind of like, you're not going to tell me what I should do with my beard at all.
	Yeah, because I'm not even going to be able to hear you.
	That's why.
	Yeah, there's some really interesting videos of him and his wife, right?
	I haven't seen it.
	Is it like sex stuff?
	No, it's just he's because he's kind of out there.
	He's got, you know.
	He's pretty strong right-wing views.
	Is that a safe way to say it?
	I think so.
	And he and his wife, it was really interesting because they were on a park bench and they were getting ready to drink, I think, some champagne or something.
	Something like that.
	No, on this video.
	Oh, on the video.
	But they were, I think it was all about, you know, it was like about Biden and stuff like that.
	Yeah, I think they'd get pretty political.
	Yeah.
	But I would, I mean, Randy is an iconic character.
	Yeah.
	His cousin Eddie character was iconic.
	Yeah.
	God, isn't that wild how that came?
	I mean, that's just.
	And then the son's a huge star now.
	Yeah.
	The son is maybe a bigger star than even both of them were.
	I mean, they're all, they've all obviously have a lot of talent in their family.
	Dude, what about I love dessert.
	Don't you like it?
	Oh, yeah.
	You know what I had yesterday, bro?
	Baklava, dude.
	Really?
	God, man.
	I didn't even know what was going on.
	And then I had it.
	And I was like, wow, they really did it good.
	You had it?
	Yeah, no, it's great.
	You know what I had yesterday?
	I was on a plane.
	And they, no, it was before the plane.
	I had, have you ever had olive oil cake?
	It was amazing.
	Really?
	It was amazing.
	But baklava, where'd you have it?
	I had it from some Mediterraneans, you know?
	Yeah.
	A couple of Mediterraneans brought it by and, God, it was just so good.
	Right.
	What's on it?
	Bring up a chunk of baklava, dude.
	Let me even see it.
	Because, you know, at the end of the night, I either want to fucking do something horrible to myself or have like a sweet dessert.
	Yeah.
	It is.
	Yeah, so that's like...
	I mean, that's almost like something a geologist would cut out of the earth.
	Well, that's just how many layers of, and, you know, I think similar to croissants, it's like, each one of those layers gets a bunch of butter on it.
	Oh.
	Greek food is really underrated.
	Oh.
	Really underrated.
	Good.
	I love, yeah, some of the pastries, they look so gentle, you don't even.
	Yeah.
	You're like, do we eat this?
	Yeah, it's, it's, baklaba is, it's, it's, it's packed with sugar, too.
	It's just, yeah, I think it's like, it's really dense.
	I feel like there's different, like, there's different eras of sugar.
	Like, you know, because like rock candy, they used to eat rock candy.
	My mother loves it.
	Rock candy.
	And then like.
	And it was sugar on a little wooden pole.
	Right?
	The chunk of sugar.
	By the way, you ever had straight sugar cane?
	That's great.
	Like, you just get it.
	And I think that's not bad for you.
	Wow, because it's not processed.
	Yeah.
	That processing really doesn't number.
	it doesn't number on our bodies, too.
	Yeah.
	Sugar cane, that stuff is so sweet, it's unreal.
	So, you know, here's the thing that I thought was.
	So, I did this movie, Peter Pan, where I was played a pirate.
	So, I kind of went down a rabbit hole learning about pirates.
	And so, when sugar became this big thing, that's where, so like sugar, people started putting sugar in their tea and their coffee, and they put sugar in everything.
	People love sugar, and it destroyed people's teeth.
	And so, like, prior to that, people's teeth were fine, but like once sugar happened, it devastated people's teeth.
	Here's another interesting thing that I thought was really wild is that, like, the coffee break was created so that people would drink coffee because when people drink coffee, they're more efficient at work.
	So they wanted people to drink coffee.
	You know, I don't know if you drink coffee at all.
	Yeah, I like having coffee.
	But, like, it's like you can kind of focus and you can kind of, I mean, it also keeps you regular, but like you can focus.
	So, like, they wanted people to drink coffee.
	Yeah.
	I mean, some people, there were women that would get rid of, if they didn't have coffee, they would get rid of their children.
	They couldn't handle it.
	You know, they need, it's part of their day, you know, which people, it's a staple in American dayhood.
	And my daughter, who's 14, I think all my kids love it, but like they love Starbucks.
	They love Starbucks.
	Like how I loved McDonald's or Wendy's.
	They're all about the cake pop.
	They're all about that sugary, you know, those shakes.
	They're essentially just shakes that they're getting, but it's a social atmosphere going to Starbucks.
	Yeah, it's a thing.
	It's a rite of passage.
	It's like now you're part of your day, you know?
	Yeah.
	It's like the morning paper almost in a way.
	Yes, it's fancy.
	It's kind of adult pretending.
	Yes, that's very true.
	I'm here to get my, they have your name written down.
	Yes.
	Like, yeah, I'm here for my coffee.
	I preserved.
	Kids love it.
	They love it.
	And those cake pops are just, it's just a ripoff.
	It's just a dot of a cookie.
	Oh, it's nothing.
	I can't believe that that's anything.
	Bring that up.
	That cake pop.
	Right.
	And it's just fucking, and it's got to be as a bigger, you know, a bigger guy sees you eating that.
	He's like, what do you, what are you doing?
	Right?
	What are you doing, huh?
	Who do you love?
	You know what's amazing?
	Did you know that those cake pops, they grow them on trees?
	Isn't that weird?
	Oh, yeah.
	There's different trees.
	There's like strawberry cake trees and there's and it's just the way that they do it?
	Yeah, they just grow like that.
	They do add the sprinkles later.
	Those aren't natural.
	You know what'll drive you.
	Did you know sugar, most of our sugar comes from beets?
	What?
	Yep.
	Look up Nampa.
	Nampa, Idaho.
	By the way, beets.
	Viet Nampa, dude.
	Beets are a very underrated vegetable.
	And they're making a comeback.
	Radishes are making a comeback.
	Radishes are making a comeback.
	Aren't they?
	Radishes?
	By the way, I grow radishes in my garden.
	Takes like 20 days.
	Easiest thing to grow.
	So easy.
	Easiest thing to grow.
	And you can never decide if they taste good or not, but you eat.
	Right.
	And I put them in a salad and my kids are like, ow, did you put jalapenos in here?
	I'm like, those are radishes.
	Because my kids are that white.
	They're white jalapenos.
	They're white jalapenos, dude.
	That's hilarious.
	What do we have there?
	We have Nampa sugar.
	Let's look at it.
	I'm going to be honest with you here.
	A lot of our sugar in America comes from beets, and that's over in Nampa.
	That's insane.
	Yeah, I guess there is a big company called Amalgamated Sugars that's based in Nampa.
	The Nampa factory processes 12,000 tons of sugar beets.
	Sorry, that's what they are.
	And granulates 1,000 tons of sugar per day.
	Wow, that's a lot.
	In addition to processing sugar beets into sugar and molasses, the Nampa Factory produces animal feed products such as pulp and betain.
	So, wait a minute.
	I'm not sure.
	Can we see that?
	Is that like a sugar stock?
	Sugar cane?
	Is that another thing?
	There you go.
	What?
	Yeah, sugar cane is different.
	That's it.
	Oh, my God.
	I never knew that.
	Let's look at a sugar cane.
	I never knew that.
	Wait a minute.
	I always thought sugar cane was where all sugar came from.
	Brother, we all did.
	I thought it was, you know, from Cuba and Puerto Rico.
	Yeah, homie, we got the sucre.
	You know what I mean?
	Yeah.
	And that's why there's Bacardi there.
	Can we look at sugar beets, the wiki of it or something?
	So wait a minute.
	And Namp or Viet Nampa, as they call it, because I think there's a lot of issues out there.
	A sugar beet is a plant whose root contains a high concentration of sucrose and which is grown commercially for sugar production.
	What?
	Yep.
	Oh my gosh.
	Sugar beets are grown in climates that are too cold for sugar cane.
	Oh, that's interesting.
	In 2020, Russia, the United States, Germany, France, and Turkey were the world's five largest sugar beet producers.
	I mean, you ever occasionally just hear about an animal that's never – and you – And she's like, oh, yeah, there's a lot of blah, blah, blah.
	Like, she was like some type of cat.
	And I was like, what's that?
	And she's like, you've never heard of that?
	It's like, I, like, it was just, it's some kind of common wild, you know.
	And you didn't know it existed.
	I didn't know it existed.
	Blows your mind.
	Right?
	Yeah.
	You're like, how could I miss out on some of it?
	She was like, it's the equivalent of like a mountain lion.
	I'm like, what?
	I'm like, yeah, like, what have I been doing?
	How could I not know that?
	How about the fact that bears used to be everywhere?
	Bears were everywhere.
	Bears and wolves were everywhere.
	Oh, I would be.
	Imagine you're like, hey, I'm going to go take a walk, and people are like, I don't know if I would.
	Right?
	Yeah.
	And you're like, fuck you, I will.
	And then you die.
	Yeah.
	Well, I think in China, people used to get eaten by tigers all the time.
	Yeah.
	I think in China and India, you would just get eaten by a tiger.
	Oh, I would hate that.
	And imagine if they start eating you, you know, you can't get away.
	What do you do then while it's eating you?
	Like, say it's got your leg going down it, right?
	And the pain is subsiding.
	The pain, your adrenaline will take over.
	Yeah.
	So you're just feeling, you're just horrified.
	What if you have like a weapon?
	You'd have a knife on you, right?
	And you'd just be like, if I'm going down, you're going down with me, right?
	What if you don't have that?
	You just pet it, you think?
	I think I'll try to put it to sleep.
	If it falls asleep, you'd pet it and just be like, oh, it's such a cute cute kitten.
	And the cat would be like, like maybe underneath the belly and they're like, oh, right?
	They're like, hush, little baby.
	Hey, remember nursery rhymes?
	People would always sing those to babies.
	And now people are like, shut the fuck up, kid.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Nursery rhymes.
	Hush.
	And a lot of them are really kind of dark, right?
	Like Ring Around the Rosie, that's about like the plague.
	And I think.
	Was it Ring Around the Brosie about the plague?
	I think it was.
	It's crazy.
	Were your...
	I lived by myself.
	No, I was the youngest of six kids.
	I mean, I kind of...
	It was definitely...
	No, not really.
	That's interesting because some people, people usually say, oh, you were spoiled, but like there was, there was a burnout effect.
	Number four was spoiled, dude.
	You were.
	Yeah.
	And there was just, you know, so like they were highly suspicious of everything I had done.
	Yeah.
	But it was also, there was, I think it was an era where kids were kind of, you know, they would be like, get out of the house, see you at eight.
	You know what I mean?
	Or see you at dinner.
	But during the summer, like we would, we would camp out.
	Like, I can't imagine my kids just camping out.
	But we used to do that.
	We used to just, you know, all right, we're going to build a fire.
	And he'd just wake up at three in the morning, freezing.
	Yeah.
	He'd run home covered in bug bites.
	You're like, why'd we do that?
	And then two weeks later, you're like, should we do that again?
	Right?
	You said you lived in upstate New York.
	Do you live by Louis?
	I don't know.
	No, I don't think so.
	I think he lives up there somewhere.
	Yeah.
	I'm in like Westchester.
	Oh, sweet.
	I don't know where that is.
	So, yeah.
	So how many people, how many episodes of your podcast have you had?
	450, I think.
	Wow.
	452?
	452.
	And this is our last episode in this studio, actually.
	Now, if I did, so I was on it in 2018, 19. Was it here?
	No.
	It was at a different studio that was closer towards the airport.
	And so how do you do you do you said did you design this or did someone else?
	No, let me think.
	A lot of like listeners and stuff have sent things in that were really cool.
	There's a picture of Brody Stevens somebody sent.
	A lot of neat things.
	We have a deck, a whole deck of cards that somebody drew all these faces on different cards from all of our guests that came up with.
	Wow.
	There's one of you in here too.
	Somebody made, but somebody made individual cards.
	Oh, that's amazing.
	This is truly amazing that somebody did all those.
	So, and then, yeah, I think, yeah, we just kind of put it together.
	I don't know if we've always had the best design aesthetic, but what was the most awkward?
	Was there one where you're like, this feels like work?
	Or was there one where this person's wasted?
	Oh, Jesse Ventura.
	Oh, really?
	The Baja.
	Yeah, down in the Baja.
	Now, were you down there when you did it?
	And I'll tell you why.
	You want to know why?
	I'm not good at it, but.
	And he.
	So he was the governor of Minnesota.
	Yeah, dude.
	He's the guy I'm in here.
	But now he's kind of...
	Oh, I think he's the mayor of Dementia now.
	Oh.
	And was there hostility?
	Not a chance.
	He's like, I'm going to leave in 30 minutes.
	Let me tell you something for two and a half hours.
	And he just talked the whole time.
	I felt, you know, I shouldn't rip him so much.
	It was just, it got to be insufferable kind of.
	And what was your connection?
	Was he promoting a book?
	Was he...
	I think he was in like a motorcycle gang or something.
	But I think I was just excited to talk to him, you know, and just intrigued by him.
	I'm not sure what it's called.
	SEAL?
	Yeah, he was a Navy SEAL, but it was, they do a lot of the, they go in first and like will set like a, like check out the premises before maybe the Marines come and land.
	I can't remember what the group is called.
	But yeah, a lot of underwater.
	So it's like underwater, UBA, U-B-U-D.
	I don't know.
	Did he play in the NFL?
	I feel like he played in the NFL.
	That would be interesting.
	I don't remember if he did.
	But yeah, so that was just kind of a tough one, you know?
	And then I think on different days, some of them are different.
	Some days I wish I knew more when I was talking to people, and some days I wish that I was in like a better energy or attitude, you know.
	Has it been hard being a parent and being like a famous person?
	Has that been kind of tricky?
	It is weird.
	Because, you know, you don't really think of yourself as, you know, having any level of fame.
	Right.
	There's moments where you're like, oh, this is sweet.
	I get to get a restaurant.
	I can go in a restaurant.
	But so there is moments where I, you know, like my son at one point when I was picking him up from like soccer camp or something, it was like, you know, my coach was kind of a jerk saying, oh, you're the funny guy.
	You know, you're the funny guy's kid.
	You know what I mean?
	So like that's weird.
	But yeah, I mean, I don't know.
	It's, it's strange because there is, you know, the, you know, it's weird because like my dad was a small town banker.
	So I didn't, there's nothing to prepare you for it.
	You know what I mean?
	So yeah, totally.
	And how could you know how to prepare for it?
	Yeah.
	And especially it doesn't see it.
	A lot of times you don't feel like you're popular.
	You don't feel like you walk around thinking, oh, I'm up.
	It's like you're just kind of living your life.
	And then there's this other realm that's kind of going on that flares up every now and then when you're in certain instances.
	Yeah.
	And or like if you're, you know, if we're eating dinner with, you know, not that we eat out really that often, but like if we're eating out and someone's like comes up, that's weird.
	Yeah.
	Do you know what I mean?
	And it's like, I don't mind it if I'm alone or if I'm after a show and I'm in a restaurant, but if I'm with my family, it's a little weird.
	Yeah, because you have to take a break from that moment and then step out.
	And then it's like the center of attention is you.
	And then you have to act like I'm nice.
	Right.
	In front of my kids.
	And I don't like my kids seeing me to be kind.
	Yeah, I always wonder what the law, like, what the effects of that are.
	Like, what are the residual effects that you don't even realize or that any popular parent doesn't even realize, you know, that a kid then, how it affects their life.
	And then sometimes I was thinking, like, imagine if your dad was like extremely famous, your dad was like Napoleon Bonaparte.
	Or if your dad was like Michael Jordan, you know, how would you ever make your dad feel like he means as much to you as he does to like just some stranger?
	You know, I've wonder if there would always be some weird hang-ups, you know, if you were that level of popularity, you have to be really interesting.
	Yeah.
	I think Napoleon's son even became, I think he ruled France too.
	Oh, really?
	Yeah.
	I think that like there was, I mean, I think, I don't know, I want to see that Napoleon movie coming out.
	Is there a new one?
	Yeah.
	Did you see Mel Gibson's new movie yet?
	Which one's that?
	It's a documentary.
	It's called The Sound of Freedom.
	Oh, wait.
	That's a documentary?
	That's Jim Caviezel?
	Right?
	It's called The Sound of Freedom.
	It's the incredible story of a former government agent turned vigilante who embarks on a dangerous mission to rescue hundreds of children from sex trafficking.
	Yeah, that's Jim Caviezel, right?
	So I need to go see this.
	Is that Mira Servino?
	Ooh.
	And Bill Camp.
	Ooh, wow.
	Yeah.
	I think that's like the number one movie.
	That's wild.
	I got to pee.
	You do?
	Yeah, I always have to pee.
	I had to pee before I even came in here.
	Yeah, go pee and we'll do another 20 minutes.
	What do you quit?
	Smoking?
	No, I'm addicted.
	You're addicted to nicotine gum?
	Yeah.
	Oh, my God, bro.
	Yeah, why not?
	Yeah, you're right.
	Oh, if they had cocaine the gum.
	I'm sure they probably have some.
	I'm surprised that's not like at some store.
	Oh, yeah.
	Cocaine gum is good for you.
	Because you know you'd have a buddy.
	It's not addictive because you're chewing it.
	Yeah, yeah.
	It's not addictive if you cheer for the Mets.
	No, it's good.
	It's good for your jawline, too.
	You get the cocaine gum.
	That's fine.
	Yeah.
	It's cheaper than regular cocaine, too.
	Oh, yeah.
	My cousin, he had half of his drug ticket.
	Cocaine, chewing gum.
	Yeah, that was the thing in the old West was cocaine gum.
	Wow.
	Fuck yeah, dude.
	Now that's, I would go through it.
	Yeah, I'd ride off into the heat, dude, if I was on cocaine gum.
	Look how they used to spell it, too, with no E on that little jar.
	Cocaine.
	But you know.
	Did you used to party with it some ever?
	With cocaine?
	Yeah.
	I've done it, but you know.
	Yeah, me too.
	You know.
	You were like, yeah, me too.
	Oh, dude, it's high.
	You know what?
	When I think about it, sometimes I think about us meeting up in like a road, like, and, you know, like having a eloping.
	I literally think about that.
	Like me riding off in a carriage in the night with an eight ball just holding on to me from behind, you know?
	That's one of the influences of having kids is like it kind of removes some of the stupidity stuff from you.
	Like you're like, man, I can't do that.
	Yeah, you can't do it anymore.
	Well, it's like a baby is born and you look at the baby and your first thought is, well, that takes suicide off the table.
	You know what I mean?
	It's a really dark thing, but it kind of is true.
	You're like, and now you're like, I can't do that.
	But there goes gymnastics.
	You're like, all right, I guess I can't be a hobo anymore.
	Do you know what I mean?
	There is things like that in your life that start to disappear.
	Like there's like years where you're watching football and you're like, yeah, one day I'll get back out there and play.
	Even if you never played, you're like, one of these days I'll be back out there.
	They'll miss me.
	Somebody will call, they'll need a free agent.
	Or they'll do a strike and they'll try.
	They'll need a long snapper.
	Is there anyone here in the stadium?
	I could do long snapping.
	I did that in high school.
	And then even those ideas start to adjourn, they don't show up anymore.
	Then there's just not a chance.
	Well, there is like the Olympic dreams die.
	Yeah.
	You're like, all right, well, that's like also when quarterbacks are retiring and they're like 20 years younger than you.
	You're like, so Tom Brady's that old?
	He's only 45?
	You're like, oh, I guess I am old.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, you've done a lot of acting with this.
	With this many specials, do you think about slowing it down?
	What do you think?
	Do you start to, has your view or your vantage point got different?
	I don't know if anybody has as many specials as you.
	I mean, you might be the most prolific.
	Well, it is, it is weird.
	I think it's like, well, with, I think we're all kind of reevaluating what we're doing all the time.
	But some of it, I think, was motivated by when I tour, I definitely want the audience to see a new show.
	And then there is such a sense of completion in finishing the hour.
	And then, I don't know, I feel like with stand-up, I'm kind of, I'm getting better, you know, like there's, all right, you know, I'll be like, all right, I'm going to, I want to tell some stories.
	All right.
	Now I want to talk about, I don't want to talk about food at all, which was like another hurdle of mine.
	And then I was like, all right, I'm going to talk.
	My wife had a brain tumor.
	I'm going to talk about the brain tumor.
	And then, all right, I, you know, like, I could just talk about my kids constantly, but I'm like, I'm not going to just, because I was like that 26-year-old guy sitting in a comedy club, hearing people talk about their kids.
	And I'm like, I can't even get a date.
	So, you know what I mean?
	So there's the assignment of it.
	But yeah, I don't know.
	There is something of, because in the weird, the weird way we're doing it for ourselves.
	Right.
	And so when you get off stage and people are like, thank you so much.
	You're like, I was just doing that for myself.
	You know, it was like, I had fun.
	You know, it's like, you know, there was this, there used to be this saying, like, doing colleges, you're not paid for the show.
	You're paid because it's so hard to get to them.
	Yeah.
	I mean, oh, that was always the worst.
	Yeah.
	And so, but to answer your question, I do feel like, I don't know.
	Yeah.
	I mean, definitely, you know, taking some time, but it is, I enjoy, it's the creative fulfillment.
	That's use.
	Well, that's a, that's.
	And I think, I think that people that have podcasts get that buzz.
	And, you know, it's, and, and I enjoy acting and I get it there, but like acting so it's so erratic on when you can do it.
	So yeah, there's, there's definitely like, I think, a fulfillment aspect for people.
	Like you get to the end of a, of a chapter in your life.
	You don't want to, you just, you challenge yourself.
	I don't want to talk about this anymore.
	I want to try something new.
	You also feel yourself evolving.
	You know, that's something I feel in my own life sometimes now for like some of the first time and probably forever.
	I've started to feel like, oh man, I'm evolving a little bit.
	I need to, I want to start thinking in different patterns and talking about stuff that maybe has more, is like more thoughtful to me.
	But then sometimes it's like, you don't want to get too crazy and you want to make sure that people are just having fun.
	Absolutely.
	It's like you don't want to turn into some like, you know, guy who's just like preaching.
	So that can be kind of a tough, that can be tough a little bit sometimes to manage.
	And I think comedians, I think people are always so surprised at how sincere comedians are.
	That's not to say that we're, we don't joke around and have fun, but like, but we have to keep a balance on that sincerity.
	Cause if we get too sincere, then we're just, then we might as well just be a preacher.
	Yeah.
	Do you know what I mean?
	Then we're like, you know, the way we should do, you know, it's like we might as well just be preaching.
	Did you see that little kid, that Pentecostal kid recently?
	They had a kid who was doing speaking in tongues.
	He was a young preacher.
	Now, did you growing up, did you go to church?
	We would sometimes.
	My dad would take us over there.
	Me and my dad was so old when I was young, when I was a child.
	And so he would walk over there to church and he'd fall asleep.
	He'd fall asleep wherever we were.
	And so when I got there, I was kind of on my own wherever we went.
	You know, my dad was like, I'll introduce you to people.
	We'd go.
	We'd sit down for a second, too.
	He could take a break and then he'd be fucking dead asleep.
	So then I would just be kind of like in these places.
	And I had this sleeping father that felt uncomfortable.
	And then I was there and had to kind of like navigate some situations.
	That kind of stuff would happen a lot with my dad.
	And how, what kind of church was it?
	Was it Presbyterian?
	Presbyterian.
	Yeah.
	They had three nice oak trees, I remember.
	And they tried to do an insurance fire once or twice, but it didn't take.
	And great breakfast over there, though.
	Right.
	God.
	Nothing will bring you home, you know, nothing will bring you to the Lord like a dang, one of those donuts with pink frosting and think of like different churches.
	Like you remember, like we went to this church in Maryland that just amazing.
	You go and get pizza, donuts, and you know, you're like, you know, usually a little hungover on Sunday.
	You're like, this is sweet.
	You don't have a little kick from that lemonade.
	You're like, this is perfect.
	Yeah, God knows what I need.
	But yeah, church was fun.
	I thought the funnest thing about church was just kids playing and stuff, like a social environment.
	Yeah.
	You know, and it used to be that was the place you saw anybody.
	They didn't have all this other stuff.
	You had to, you know, fight off yellow fever all week and dysentery and get everybody's butts clean and everything, and then wagon them up to church.
	And that's where you'd see somebody and hope somebody would, with a little bit of money, would make love to your daughter or, you know, or, you know, that's where, you know, that's where it happened.
	It all happened right there.
	And, you know, it's like, you know, there is something strange about, because also I spent my 20s and, you know, my 30s very much opposed to it.
	And then I married this woman that is Catholic.
	And I mean, I was raised Catholic, but kind of, just kind of culturally.
	But there is something about, there's a quietness there that, you know, there's something meditative about it.
	And maybe because it's so boring, but it was, it's, there is something about like, oh, and I'm just standing there with my kids.
	I'm just sitting there with my kids.
	It's, it's like the world slows down.
	Like I, you know, you see why people go and why they have a connection to it.
	Yeah, I love, I mean, I love faith.
	You know, I have a, I feel like I have a good faith.
	You know, I like being able to close my eyes and I like to pray twice a day.
	I like to be able to think about God and my God and ask him, you know, what I can do for others and just things like that.
	Or if I need help to offer me some suggestion.
	I love that kind of stuff.
	And one of the best times I ever had in my life or best I ever felt was when I felt like I had a really strong connection to a higher power.
	And I'd worked on it a lot and it really came to fruition.
	And even if some people say, well, that's voodoo, whatever it is, doesn't matter.
	It worked.
	It worked as much as it was real as far as I knew.
	And if that's the truth to me, then that's great.
	Well, it's also you talk about, you had mentioned before ego, right?
	Like that humility or just a concept of humility is so necessary, right?
	To navigate this.
	Because if you let the ego take over, it's trouble.
	You know what I mean?
	And I know that to some people listening, we just sound like we're saying gobbledygook, but like it is one of those, like when you, you know, you're somebody that if you, you know, like I've struggled with my ego and stuff like that, it's like the only way you can get that in line is having some humility.
	And like, and the premise of religion that or belief system that there's a higher power is, is very kind of, it's like that structurally, you know, literally puts you in a position of humbleness.
	You know what I mean?
	Because you're working with alongside somebody else or for somebody else.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Oh, I'm so grateful that there's something else out there that I can believe.
	Cause, yeah, I think I like rejected the world so much that I was in growing up that I wasn't going to take direction from anybody in it, probably.
	You know, I hated my environment so much.
	I despised like, I mean, I despised my fucking environment.
	You know, it just, I mean, it, everything about it fucking hurt me.
	I felt like, right?
	That's how I felt anyway.
	Yeah.
	And so no one in the world of human probably would I ever really believe in, right?
	So you almost need this other, this, this satellite to beam through this other entity to help me get adjusted to trust the world again.
	And so that's why I'm, man, because for me, and everybody can have their own thoughts.
	I don't, but for me, I'm.
	As long as they're the same as mine, I'm fine with it.
	But for me, man, I'm so, because I wouldn't have believed you'd have said, hey, listen to this guy.
	I don't know if I would have done that, but you give me an invisible being, right?
	Yeah.
	Visually invisible, you know.
	And there's just enough malleability in there for me to say, okay, I'm willing to try this.
	And then it opens up more of a door for me of like, of connection.
	Does that make any sense?
	Yes.
	I think also like even saying, I think, you know, the whole agnostic, I don't know, is that's, that's just where you got to be.
	You know what I mean?
	It's like, it's like, I don't, you know, I think that human beings are so arrogant and the assumption that like every generation has thought that they've had it figured out and every generation has been wrong.
	Do you know what I mean?
	Like even, you know, so it's like if we can't be like, we don't know, then we're really kind of starting from a bad position.
	Yeah, dude.
	I don't know if I, you think you'd have been like a good, like, if you go back to those times, you go on a date, like, would you have been like a good settler, you think?
	Where would you have best done in history?
	Where would you have best been?
	Yeah, gosh.
	I sometimes think about like my immigrant ancestors because, you know, I did that finding your roots show.
	I haven't seen that.
	And so that's where they kind of, they do your own.
	Oh, you did that?
	Yeah.
	Or they take you to the library?
	Well, no, mine was where they kind of like tracked my mother's side, my father's side.
	Did you get to go meet someone at a mall or anything?
	No, no.
	This was, but like, so my grandfather made dentures.
	And I remember thinking, oh, he made dentures.
	That's interesting.
	You know, like dental stuff.
	And but what I learned through that show is that my grandfather broke this cycle of working in the coal mine that had existed for generations.
	And so I think of like my ancestors that came over from Ireland, you know, and just like that was, that was rough.
	And, you know, like there's an ancestor that was framed for murder.
	Oh, and how would you even prove you didn't do it back then?
	Like you did hear it.
	Well, by the way, I think because he was, they, you know, it was kind of theorized that he was a kind of like there was this anti-immigrant stuff going on and being an Irish immigrant that he was part of the Molly Maguires.
	And so they framed him.
	And then they kind of, he got pardoned by the governor.
	And they don't know, you know, like they never explain why he was pardoned.
	You know, was he pardoned because he was innocent?
	Was he pardoned because he was crooked?
	Because he was crooked, you know?
	And so.
	Wow.
	But like, yeah, so like a different era.
	I feel like I'm so pale that, you know, like I need sunscreen.
	Yeah.
	Even by a computer, huh?
	Yeah.
	Open in the fridge.
	Oh.
	So I. Yeah, that's got to be the saddest, dude, if you're real pale, because then if you open the fridge, everybody sees you, too.
	Yeah.
	If you're like bigger and pale.
	And so, no, but like.
	I mean, it's not sad.
	It's beautiful, but it's like.
	What era would you be in?
	I don't know.
	The future seems way sketch, you know?
	It's just, I feel like going to be people like you drive up to a machine that feeds you and then you come into it.
	Yeah.
	But it has to be in the past.
	Civil War could have been interesting, right?
	And if you would have been like a referee, I think.
	Yeah, I mean, Civil War, but like people were just, so many people were killed.
	Like the equipment, like the weapons.
	Were so, yeah.
	Like they, and it's like you got shot, they just chop off your leg.
	You know what I mean?
	Yeah, they didn't.
	They didn't even have to be shot in the leg.
	They just chopped it.
	Yeah, they had, yeah, some of their tech.
	Yeah, a lot of their technical skills were way limited at senior play, dude.
	Whereas I think like...
	He's fine.
	He's fine.
	He's just over here raking leaves.
	Let this guy.
	Leave him alone.
	I think there was a lot of stuff like that.
	Yeah.
	Like, but I don't know, maybe, but then I don't know.
	You're right.
	People smelled so bad.
	I don't know if I would want to be a pilgrim because you're like, well, we're almost there and everybody's dying.
	And then you get there.
	You have nothing to do.
	There's nobody even waiting when you get there.
	I do think that the South is really fascinating.
	I know you're, you know, Louise.
	Oh, yeah, it is fascinating.
	It's because there's a civility there that, you know, y'all and yes, ma'am.
	Yes, sir.
	It's that is so different from the Midwest where I'm from, but it's, there's a civility there and an authentic kindness that is kind of unique.
	You know, it's kind of this remnants of the British thing with like the sweet tea versus the British drinking tea.
	Yeah, there's kind of an old traditionalism there that really comes in.
	I mean, there's also tons of racism.
	Oh, yeah.
	I mean, if you get it, it's a little slave-y.
	You get into Mississippi, it's a little slave-y, you know?
	But that kindness is fascinating.
	Yeah.
	Right?
	Yeah, that's the crazy part about the South.
	It had this like, it also, it had like two to whole different ends of the spectrum, you know.
	It was like, be a gentleman, be polite.
	But if you're black, you're not allowed to come in.
	Yeah.
	So they had, I mean, that was just unreal.
	I can't even imagine that people went through all those times.
	It's really crazy to think that as humans where we sit today, it's like, it's pretty unreal.
	And how quickly we fucking got to the place where we're just sitting here, you know, masturbating into a phone.
	Right.
	Well, also, like the so we look at the bigotry or the bias of the past.
	What biases exist today that are the equivalent to, you know, women couldn't vote until 1920.
	You know, really African Americans couldn't freely vote until the 60s.
	And so like, it's like, what, what kind of, it's not like we're done.
	You know what I mean?
	Like there's some biases that exist today that we are kind of unaware of.
	We're like, what's wrong with that?
	You know what I mean?
	Like there's nothing wrong.
	Like even like people, like I think when I started stand-up, people used to do midget jokes and they used to always drive me crazy.
	Yeah.
	And people don't really do that anymore.
	But like, I'm sure I do jokes where people are like, in 40 years, people are going to be like, that hateful Jim Gaffer.
	Yeah.
	Look at this hate monger.
	Look at this.
	Like, he would talk about beef.
	Jim Crow.
	He would talk about meat.
	Like, they ate meat back then.
	Like, we're going to realize, like, the, you know, like, we're become, we'll all become Hindu.
	And, like, you know, the cows are sacred beings.
	Dude, if we all become Hindu, then your material is hate speech.
	It's hate speech.
	Bacon?
	Bacon?
	Who are you?
	Just like, what's going on?
	You're the Stephen King of a menu at that point.
	Yeah.
	You know, like, to Muslims and Jewish people, it's like, I'm glorifying this sinful thing.
	You know, it's so weird.
	Dude, that's so true.
	Depending upon how the future looks at things or how they even choose to look at things as like writers of articles and this and that, you could be vilified.
	Well, I mean, I think even the Roseanne thing that happened on your podcast is, I mean, maybe I'm just kind of opening my eyes a little bit to it, but like it literally took me two seconds.
	So I saw she was trending, saw what she said, then I watched the clip and I was like, obviously, she was joking.
	She was being sarcastic.
	Why didn't and I don't even know that's all I know.
	Like I didn't talk to anyone else about it.
	Does it still exist as an issue?
	No.
	No, it was going away.
	It was just, yeah, it was just crazy.
	They just like, they took our episode down and they said that we, they gave us like a strike on our channel because they have like but they retracted it, right?
	They didn't.
	But they have their policies and we couldn't post for like a week.
	So those, you know, that's YouTube and their policies.
	They deemed it like hate speech and that's their, that's their rules, right?
	And so that's, you know, I'm grateful to YouTube because I get to have this platform.
	At the same time, I don't, you know, I disagree with them.
	But I think that anyone that, and, you know, that's where it's like, you know, any individual who works at YouTube would probably, as an individual, see that what, you know, Roseanne,
	a legendary comedian, and what she was saying was, and I think she's Jewish, would not view that as what some anti-Semitic person would say.
	Yeah.
	Do you know what I mean?
	Oh, yeah.
	Yeah, totally.
	I mean, it was, it definitely was interesting, though.
	I got him, some, some rabbi emailed me and invited me to some summer camp or something.
	And, but it was like $1,100.
	I'm not going on that.
	And then, of course, the Holocaust happened.
	Like, who would ever, you know, every third book at the airport is about it.
	You know what I'm saying?
	Of course it happened.
	Well, I think it's also, you know, not to excuse the overreaction, but I actually do think that there is an almost normalizing of anti-Semitic speech.
	And I also think that, and I'm not saying, because it's different when it's Roseanne Barr and like someone who is just a flat out anti-Semite or like speaking in anti-Semitic tropes.
	It's like, I do think it's, you know, there's no comparing what Roseanne said to what these other people were doing.
	Right.
	If there's like a real hateful person.
	Yeah.
	I mean, and by the way, I think anti-Semitism is like, I mean, look, you know, most comedians, like half, I don't know what percentage of comedians are Jewish, but it's like all our friends are Jewish.
	And it's like, you can't, you know, you know, you, you, you, you know, standard comedy is a Jewish American art form that like is, you know, so many of the great comedians were Jewish.
	So it's like, you have, you end up being educated on anti-Semitism.
	And you can't do a spot at the cellar without hearing three comedians do jokes about the Jewish American experience and anti-Semitism.
	You know what I mean?
	It's like.
	Yeah, I think it's, yeah, I wish I had a, like, I can't tell if people bringing light to that creates, makes things better or worse in that space.
	Right.
	You know, because no one said anything about it.
	Like, you know, a million people had watched the video.
	There wasn't even a comment about it on YouTube.
	Right.
	And then somebody makes a clip and purposely like is like, hey, look at this.
	Right.
	And this is the view of it.
	I, you know, you don't want to create like a boy who cried wolf situation either.
	And so that's, you know, especially when it's something as important as like as people being hateful.
	You know, it's like, you don't.
	So some of that is where some of my fear comes in.
	Like, let's.
	Yeah, we don't want people to become numb to it.
	Right.
	Right.
	So, but then also, you know, everybody has their different thoughts on it.
	And I respect different people's thoughts on it.
	You know, I respect that people come from different places and I respect different people's thoughts on it.
	But yeah.
	Dude, I have a problem with how we with that we keep putting Joe Biden out there.
	I feel like as a nation, it makes us look like, oh, this is how, and that we pretend everything is okay.
	Like, doesn't that seem weird to you?
	Yeah, well, I mean, I'm somebody, like, I think that if Trump wasn't there, or maybe I'm just imagining this, I think if Trump wasn't there, Biden would be like, I'm done.
	Thanks, everyone.
	You know what I mean?
	I want to be done.
	Do you know what I mean?
	Like, I think that he'd be like, I'm exhausted.
	I'm exhausted.
	I want to go and hang out with my wife.
	You know what I mean?
	And hang out with Barack.
	I don't want to do this anymore.
	Yeah, I want to eat ice cream with the former presidents.
	I want Baracki Rhode, dude.
	He's got to come out with me.
	But like, yeah, I think, you know, there's a difference between like the people that don't want that.
	Again, I think ego gets in the way of like the greater good.
	Yeah.
	And I don't, but I don't know.
	Maybe he is like, you know, I'm great.
	But I think it's fascinating.
	I'm trying to write this thing all about how, I mean, I saw Harrison Ford in that Raiders of the Lost Ark number four or whatever.
	Yeah.
	He's 80. It was great.
	It was an action movie.
	And it's like, you know, 80 for Brady.
	It's like, they're all 80. Yeah.
	It's a good point.
	And so.
	Yeah, you want people to have long career.
	Yeah.
	Look, but I just feel like if we embrace like if maybe the media was like, this is our guy, he's going to say some shit, you know?
	Instead of, I feel like we put this, like people try to pretend that it's, that he's not getting unwell.
	That's the part to me that doesn't look weird to other people if it's like, this is how we treat our senior citizens, you know?
	Like as a treat, I mean, I think it's like, I thought your point would be more like, everything's fine.
	Like, we're living in a state of denial.
	But I also felt that, like, during the entire pandemic, when Trump would do his daily newscast, that we were all like, yeah, it'll be fine.
	It'll be fine.
	It's like, this guy is, do you know what I mean?
	It's like, and we've all had bad bosses.
	Yeah.
	Do you know what I mean?
	It's like, but I also feel, I don't know, it's weird.
	I, I, you know, I really do think that if there was, if, if, if Trump was not a possibility, I think Biden would be like, see you later.
	He'd be like, I did my thing.
	I'm going to be in the history books.
	Goodbye, everyone.
	Michigan J Frog.
	Yeah, that's a good point.
	I thought about that.
	Maybe it's just more of like a defense.
	But yeah, politics has just gotten so strange.
	It used to be so different, didn't it?
	It felt like we were all behind a leader.
	Didn't it feel like that?
	I feel like it.
	I mean, I used to, it was so strange because I grew up in this small town.
	Indiana is a very red state, and I lived in Manhattan.
	I live in Manhattan, and that's very blue.
	And in the entertainment industry, it's very liberal.
	And comedians are very contrarian.
	And so I loved, I relish having friends of different opinions.
	Like at the 4th of July, I had a friend there who's a big kind of conservative.
	Like, you know, he's, you know, he's all in on DeSantis.
	And then I had a friend there that was, you know, that wouldn't vote for, you know, vote for Hillary.
	You know what I mean?
	So left, like Occupy Wall Street left.
	And so it's like, I like that diversity of opinion, but, and I, and I feel like people that come to my shows, like even in the dark pale thing, I have this, this material on global warming.
	And, you know, when I performed it around the country, there'd be some people that are like, all right, global warming, maybe.
	You know what I mean?
	Whereas like they're going, they're giving me the, they're like, all right, I don't know if I buy the premise, but I'll listen to the jokes.
	Yeah.
	And so I liked that they're open to that, but there is also, I don't know, it's weird.
	I know I'm kind of rambling.
	No, it's okay.
	And we can even take that part out if we felt like it was too rambly for both of us kind of, you know.
	Let's take a little bit of news and then we'll get you out of here, Jim.
	Sure.
	Because your special is coming out in a few days and the name of it is Dark Pale.
	Dark Pale.
	Ooh.
	Dark Pale.
	That would be your native, that would be your Indian name, huh?
	Dark Pale.
	Yeah.
	So it's, you know, it's kind of, I wanted to go a little bit, you know, I think comedians, you know, our onstage personas are a little bit more accessible and that maybe, you know, like what makes comedians laugh when we hang out is usually darker than what's on stage.
	And so it's kind of opening some of that up and also talking.
	And I think that over the past five years, we've gone through so much darkness.
	You know, we've all lost someone, lost some people, you know what I mean?
	And so there's a little dose of nihilism that I think we need.
	I think we need, right?
	Yeah.
	You know what I mean?
	Some people think we need a war.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	Oh, that's so interesting.
	Where'd you hear that?
	Everywhere.
	We need a war.
	Because they think it would put people back on the same side.
	If we had a common enemy.
	Wow.
	That's interesting.
	Because there is part of what's going to get us together.
	And as soon as somebody says, hey, it's us against them, it's like, all right, let's do this, you know?
	Yeah, I think that I don't know.
	I mean, it's interesting.
	I think coming from this split background of, you know, I have real resentment when people talk about the middle of the country or flyover states.
	Yeah, me too.
	It's like, I think that has to be shamed for the stupidity that it is.
	Because, you know, again, we were talking about the, it's not like you're not going to get a great meal.
	You know what I mean?
	Like there's this, there's this dismissive stereotype, and you'd think it would shrink with the internet, but I feel like it's almost kind of grown where people are just, I always think it's so weird when I do, I'll do like a podcast or I'll be interviewed and someone will be like, so is it different doing material in different parts of the country?
	I'm like, not really.
	Do you know what I mean?
	It's like, it's not really that different.
	Do you know what I mean?
	It's not like people don't have every piece of technology or every form of entertainment everywhere.
	Culturally, we're very, it's, and by the way, the world is like that.
	It's like, if anything, culture is disappearing.
	So that's not to say that there aren't different viewpoints on things.
	I don't mean to contradict myself earlier, but like, it's not like there's a real huge difference on.
	Right, like from here to there.
	Yeah.
	Right.
	You know.
	But I guess, I mean, there's some, like, I know whenever I've been in like Illinois and certain places out there, rural areas, they don't even have 5G on their phone.
	So it's like, if they want, it's like more of a, they have to be at home and be on their Wi-Fi to really be milling on their phones as much, you know?
	Oh, really?
	Like, some of my friends that work in like farming communities and stuff like that.
	So I think in some areas, there's probably a little bit less consumption.
	Oh, yeah.
	No, where we, we have a place that we got after the pandemic.
	And if I'm outside working in my garden, I have no service whatsoever.
	Like there's just, it's just a no man land for self-service.
	So like my wife literally has to open the door.
	Like it's 1943.
	Jim, get in here.
	Your kids are doing this.
	And I'll waddle over with my basket of my harvest.
	Yeah.
	I love my garden.
	Do you garden at all?
	I don't garden, man.
	I would like to have it.
	Someday I will.
	Once I quit touring a little bit after next year.
	What do you like to grow in your garden?
	I love to grow just about everything.
	But like, I'm jealous of like, so Louisiana, I could probably grow peanuts down there.
	Yeah.
	I could, you know, I don't have that long of a season.
	So like there's some things that I can't grow that and some of it is, it is so interesting to grow things.
	Can you grow wheat?
	I could grow wheat.
	I grow corn.
	I grow cucumbers.
	I grow pumpkins, peppers, but like even peppers, it's like, it's, you know, you know, north, it's not that.
	Yeah, nobody wants a northern pepper.
	No, well, it'll eat it when it walks in.
	But like, it's, you know, you don't, it takes, it's, you got to wait.
	You need some real hot weather.
	You need some harshness.
	You need some fucking pain in the fucking soil for a pepper to be like, all right, motherfucker.
	Yeah.
	I got this shit.
	Right.
	You know, that's the kind of pepper you want, dog.
	Yeah, you want to be a bad.
	I just got out.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	You want some, you know, the peppers are the best.
	God, they're so good, huh?
	Right.
	Whoever had them first was such a fucking weirdo, but they are good.
	Oh, they're amazing.
	What do I love putting in my mouth?
	I'm trying to think.
	Oh, dude, when I had those, you know, a lot of Asian people will fry up a little cut of yam.
	Have you ever had that?
	No.
	My God.
	Is it good?
	Yeah.
	So wait a minute, Louisiana, you like okra?
	Yeah, I didn't mind it, dude.
	But then people start frying it and it tastes, dude, it starts to look like it's been giving a blowjob to somebody.
	It gets real viscous.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	No, it's, I like it in a gumbo, but otherwise I'm like, I'm like, I don't know about okra.
	You know, when you lift up a spoonful of it, it has like a trail that goes back to the stuff and you're like, whoa, this thing has been doing BJs.
	You know, it's a bit muddy.
	It's slimy.
	Yeah, it's real slimy.
	Yeah.
	So I don't mind, but what else do I like, man?
	I like broccoli plain.
	You know, my taste buds changed over the years.
	I'd have started liking tiramisu, to be honest with you.
	Oh, really?
	Yeah.
	You are a dessert guy.
	God, I fucking want it, boy, when it's nighttime, motherfucker.
	Yeah.
	I would get up in the middle of the night.
	More than chocolate.
	Well, it keeps me off of vaping, I notice.
	If I can get a sugar in me, I'll wake up in the middle of the night and put some peanut butter on my tongue and go back to sleep.
	I want to grow peanuts.
	I think peanuts.
	What if you could do it, Jim Gaffigan's peanut butter?
	Oh my God, I would love to do it.
	But peanuts, I haven't even watched a video of this, but I think the peanut plant grows and then the flowers drop into the ground and they become the peanuts.
	It's beautiful.
	It's so crazy.
	I'm growing potatoes.
	Oh, yeah, I can see that.
	I'm very excited about that.
	Carrots are fun to grow.
	Yeah, carrots are fun to grow.
	You're going to cut all this out of the podcast because it's so boring, probably.
	It's the best part, I think.
	What else would I like to have on?
	Onions, garlic.
	I love garlic.
	Garlic is probably one of the best.
	Garlic is good.
	It just feels so, it looks like something's wrong with it.
	Oh, it looks alien.
	Yeah.
	It looks a little alien.
	I do like seeing.
	I like watermelons.
	Oh, watermelons are fun.
	That would be great to grow in the South.
	Yeah.
	Because watermelons and pumpkins, you just, and squash, you turn your back, you look back, it's like they've grown a foot.
	Yeah.
	It's crazy.
	How big is your garden square feet?
	Are we talking?
	It's not that big.
	I have two.
	I built one that when we got the place, it was kind of already there.
	And then here, let me see what I got here.
	Wait a minute, this is...
	No, this is a hike.
	But this is my garden right now.
	Those are the raised beds.
	Oh, yeah.
	See, that's.
	Oh, wow, Jim.
	This is beautiful.
	Yeah.
	I have this it's my wife calls it the English garden and then that's And so the Irish garden was – there was kind of this field that I kind of converted.
	Now, this is what – This is what that field looks like now.
	So it's.
	Oh, that's great, man.
	These are both on the same property.
	Yeah.
	And so one does look more Irish.
	Yeah.
	Right?
	This one looks more like it could have a headstone in part of it.
	Yeah.
	And so, but this is, you know how like you waste time?
	I don't know if you waste time on Instagram.
	So like on scrolling and all that?
	Oh, yeah, on TikTok.
	I scroll on Instagram on stories, but I'm just watching people harvesting garden stuff.
	That's beautiful.
	Now there's something romantic about that, I think.
	Yeah.
	You know?
	Get out there in the dirt.
	Oh, yeah.
	My grandmother used to make us put these nets over her strawberries so the crows didn't get them.
	Oh, yeah.
	You know, she lived out in Illinois, in rural Illinois, and they had a rain barrel out there, and they would collect rain.
	Yeah.
	did she have any paint?
	Did she ever paint rocks to look like strawberries to trick?
	Yeah.
	To trick the crows?
	Yeah.
	Dude, I never realized that's why she did that, but she would always have these painted rocks.
	Yeah, so the birds would come down, they'd peck at the rock, and then they'd be like, forget it, and they'd leave.
	Oh, that's insane.
	both the bird and the human that do that are freaking wild yeah um Like, this would be like, what if you put a stone woman outside, you know, and some rapist runs up?
	The scarecrow, right?
	The scarecrow is supposed to scare.
	It's pretty crazy how there's all these things to trick the animals.
	To trick the animals and also, and then there's companion planting, which is fun.
	But I just.
	And what is that?
	Plants need friends?
	You know, plants need friends?
	Oh, well, some people talk to their plants.
	Yeah, I've seen that before.
	But a companion plant is like planting something nearby that either will help with nutrients or will deter pests.
	So for instance, onions or certain pests don't like the smell of it.
	And then, you know, grow like cilantro will deter things.
	And, you know, basil.
	Oh, yeah.
	I like having some basil, huh?
	Basil is amazing.
	A lot of women who are having a tough time grow basil, I feel like.
	Well, it's, you know, it'll bolt.
	It's like you got a secession plant.
	None of this is going to end up in the episode.
	Oh, I think it's interesting.
	Let's get into a couple news things and we'll get you out of here, Jim.
	What happened in the news?
	Anything, Zach?
	What happened?
	There's a video going around.
	I guess a mayor in Mexico married an alligator.
	I guess that's a good luck thing.
	But this is real.
	No, this isn't part of some ritual.
	Yeah, no, yeah.
	Oh, it is part of a ritual.
	Yeah, it's a good luck to the town.
	Yeah.
	I'm not surprised.
	What else we got?
	Do they consummate the marriage?
	Ooh.
	Right?
	There used to be a YouTube video of a man making love to a big chow, like a chow animal in a park on YouTube for years that they couldn't get down for some reason.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	I think it was in Santa Monica.
	Oh, is this about sharks everywhere?
	No.
	This video hasn't gotten a ton of views.
	I guess this woman was faking cleaning up a beach for social media and then left all the trash there after.
	This has 5 million views and a lot of people have a problem with this.
	Oh, wow.
	Yeah, it's all just for show now.
	So this girl's faking it?
	Oh, and then she just left the bag there?
	Not shocked.
	Wow.
	That's what happens, man, if people, it's just about what the look is, you know?
	It's hard.
	What is that?
	That is a symptom.
	It's a sickness, huh?
	It's well, it's the absence of right or wrong.
	I remember one time I saw a movie recently, and I was with my 10-year-old, and we were with a friend, and my 10-year-old spilled this big bucket of popcorn.
	And I looked at it, and I was like, and my friend was like, well, pick it up.
	And the weird thing is, I was like, I was going to pick it up, but I was like, he thought I wasn't going to pick it up.
	And so I was like, but why wouldn't I pick it up?
	Because I think the tendency is like someone else would do it.
	Oh, yeah.
	Right?
	Times have changed, man.
	I noticed when the elevator stops, people get out.
	People will get in before you've even had a chance to get out.
	That never used to be the case.
	Wow.
	Well, here's an interesting thing that I think is happening.
	Usually when I'm out and about and I used to, and I'd run into somebody and they'd be like, hey, nice to meet you.
	We'd have a nice conversation.
	Then at the end, they used to say, hey, can I have a photo?
	Or I don't want to bother you.
	Can have a photo.
	Now they say, you have this nice conversation.
	We chat for a while.
	And then they go, hey, can you call a friend of mine?
	And I'm like, what do you mean?
	And they're like, if you could call my nephew.
	And I'm like, no.
	And these are perfectly normal people.
	And I'll be like, no, I'm not going to do that.
	And they're like, well, calling your friend?
	I just, you know, I just want people to know too much, dude.
	Yeah, somebody the other day was like, hey, brother, this was the craziest thing I ever got.
	This guy is a young Mexican guy, and he had on a wife beater, right?
	And he's like, hey, will you sign my jersey?
	Right?
	That's what he called it, which made me laugh, first of all.
	It was really funny.
	And he seemed like a funny dude.
	We had a nice chat.
	And then he goes, hey, homie, will you make a video for my cousin Hector, right?
	He's like, what's wrong with?
	Yeah, sure, I will.
	What do you want me to say?
	He's like, just say something nice, man.
	He got possessed by ghosts.
	That's what he said, right?
	And the guy's being totally serious.
	So I'm like, what do I even fucking, what do you want me to do?
	Possessed by ghosts.
	Yeah.
	So I was like, what do you want me to say?
	Like, just tell him we miss him, you know?
	So that's what I did.
	I was like, hey, Hector, homie, we miss you, dog.
	But it was just like, what are we doing?
	Yeah.
	What's the value here?
	You know, what's the value?
	Like, what onions are we growing?
	Right.
	That's the overall question here.
	You have a new TV series that's out too, right?
	Yes.
	Dude, you're doing a lot of acting.
	Do you think that's where you're going to start directing more?
	But I hope to act.
	I hope to act and I love Stand Up.
	And since Philip Seymour Hoffman died, you could take over his stuff.
	I mean, everyone keeps Saying that.
	Why?
	It is like one of those things where part of me, when people say that, I always think that's weirdly common that people say that.
	And the other part of me is like, why aren't I getting those roles?
	Dude, if they did Capote 2 or something, it is kind of funny, man.
	Sometimes people's brains refill in the other person, you know?
	Who would play you?
	Oh, I don't know, probably.
	There's this.
	If I die, there's this kid named Rupp.
	He's like, I don't know what show he was on, but he's interesting.
	DJ Rupp, bring him up?
	He would play me, I think.
	This kid.
	But get him more read.
	Let's just see if you see any more pictures of him.
	What's the dreads from?
	I'm not sure.
	Yeah, these are all old pictures of him.
	But I think he would probably play me.
	I think I could see him doing it.
	Yeah.
	I don't know who.
	Where is he from?
	I'm not sure.
	Probably.
	Is he a DJ?
	I don't know if he really is, but he's funny, dude.
	This dude is really, really funny.
	But I think he could probably play me.
	Who would play you, you think?
	Say you passed away.
	Oh, if I died.
	Who's the guy who...
	Jesse Pemberton.
	Jesse Plemons.
	Jesse Plemons, yeah.
	He's cool.
	Yeah, he's a good guy.
	Did you ever meet him?
	I've never met him.
	I met Phil Hoffman a couple times.
	You did?
	Yeah.
	Did he say, hey, you look like me a little?
	No.
	I mean, yeah, I think we both had heard it.
	And we improvised a movie where with a bunch of other people.
	And they were figuring out it was this Bob Baliban who does these other things.
	And it was a great gig.
	Like I was flown to LA to improvise this movie every day and all this.
	And this was in the maybe 2000s.
	Or maybe it was before that.
	And so anyway, so we're sitting there talking.
	And so I'm with Phil.
	And I go, I go, well, we should probably play brothers.
	And the guy's like, I was thinking more of you guys are friends.
	And I'm like, all right.
	I mean, we literally look like brothers, but okay.
	And so.
	Yeah, that guy has no vision then.
	No, but he's obviously Bob Bellaban's brilliant.
	Oh, is he a brilliant guy?
	He is a brilliant guy.
	But like, he just, that's not how we saw it.
	But it was, and we never ended up, we improvised the script, and then Bob was going to go away and write it.
	And then after that, Phil Hoffman, like, then it was Capote, and he was.
	On another level.
	Yeah.
	Did you ever get to spend time?
	Oh, yeah.
	Wow.
	I could definitely see it more and more now.
	Yeah.
	That's crazy.
	I think I'm.
	How old was he?
	What year was he born?
	What if we were born the same day?
	If we were found out that we were like found the same parents.
	July 23rd.
	1967?
	July 23rd, 1967.
	I'm July 7th, 1966.
	Dude, what if y'all are the same person?
	Isn't that crazy?
	Yeah, he's from the West Village.
	No, well, he was from...
	Yeah.
	I think he's from Rochester.
	Fairport, New York.
	Wow.
	Where?
	Fairport, New York.
	Did you ever spend time with Robin Williams?
	I met him a couple times, yeah.
	Was he like one of the biggest when you met him?
	Was he just like he was on another level?
	Was it?
	He was the nicest, sweetest guy.
	Like I met him at he did Bob Goldthwaite's movie, and he was this really sweet.
	It's really weird because he was known as among the comedians.
	I mean, there was a before he went back to doing stand-up, he was known as this guy that would steal people's material.
	Like some of it is, I think he was on Coke and he was unaware of it.
	And he talked so much that he was triple timing anything.
	Yeah.
	And so he was.
	But, you know, he was the sweetest.
	Like, every time I met him, I didn't feel like I was, you know, it was like talking to just another comedian.
	It was very strange because it wasn't like, like, you know how in LA everyone's kind of looking around the room?
	Yeah.
	It was just a conversation.
	He was locked in.
	Yeah.
	It was pretty special.
	Like, you see why people were attracted to him?
	Yeah.
	Was he middle or was he regular size?
	He was, he was not, he was similar to Brody.
	He, he was a hairy guy.
	You know what I mean?
	But to answer your question, I think he was he wasn't super tiny.
	Yeah.
	But he was not 5'10.
	Do you, yeah, do you start to think about it?
	Is there a spot where like a comfortable place where comedians retire?
	Do you ever think about that?
	I know you talked earlier about not staying in it too long, you know?
	Like, is there a comfortable place where people...
	I don't know.
	I feel like I...
	I'm not saying there isn't.
	No, I feel like stand-up is a living kind of thing that, you know, people might not be interested in you doing it, but I think you can continue to do it.
	And I think that there is something so emotionally rewarding about doing it.
	Don't you feel that way?
	Oh, yeah.
	Whereas I, but I don't think it's, it's, yeah, I mean, I, I think that I'll, it's just kind of like coming up with new material is just too rewarding to kind of give up.
	Yeah, there is something great about it, huh?
	You get one new line, one new line, you're like, aha.
	I'm hooked for another year.
	Right.
	Yeah, I think we covered a lot of stuff.
	Zach, do you have anything else?
	No, I think we're all good.
	Jim, I might have to go, but.
	Okay.
	Jim, thanks so much, man.
	Sorry, I didn't know we'd been here so long.
	No, it's good.
	It's good.
	It's fun.
	Fun time.
	Now, I'm just folding on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
	I must be cornerstone.
	Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind I found.
	I can feel it in my bones.

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