Theo is back with a solo episode of This Past Weekend to chat about his recent shows in the west, meeting stars at UFC in Vegas, aggressive door to door salesmen, why the rodeo is underrated, and more. He also responds to some of your voicemails, and speaks on recent controversy surrounding the Roseanne episode.
------------------------------------------------
Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour
New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com
-------------------------------------------------
Sponsored By:
Morgan & Morgan: If you’re ever injured, visit https://forthepeople.com/thispastweekend or dial Pound LAW (#529). Their fee is free unless they win.
Shady Rays: Go to http://shadyrays.com and use code THEO for 50% off 2 or more pairs of polarized sunglasses.
Express VPN: Go to http://expressvpn.com/theo to protect your online privacy today.
BetterHelp: This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp — go to http://betterhelp.com/theo to get 10% off your first month.
LightStream: Go to http://lightstream.com/theo to get a special interest rate discount and save with LightStream.
-------------------------------------------------
Music: "Shine" by Bishop Gunn: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3A_coTcUek&ab_channel=BishopGunn
------------------------------------------------
Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: tpwproducer@gmail.com
Hit the Hotline: 985-664-9503
Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: https://www.theovon.com/fan-upload
Send mail to:
This Past Weekend
1906 Glen Echo Rd
PO Box #159359
Nashville, TN 37215
------------------------------------------------
Find Theo:
Website: https://theovon.com
Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon
Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon
Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend
Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon
YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon
Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips
Shorts Channel: https://bit.ly/3ClUj8z
------------------------------------------------
Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers/
Producer: Colin https://instagram.com/colin_reiner
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
I have some new tour dates to announce, and some of these are coming up soon, and these are new.
August 3rd, Chattanooga, Tennessee, Soldiers and Sailors Memorialata Auditorium.
August 4th, Memphis, Tennessee, the Cannon Center for the Performing Arts.
September 7th, Milwaukee.
September 13th, San Jose, California, the San Jose Civic Center.
September 16th, Oakland, California, the Paramount Theater.
October 5th, Cleveland, Ohio at Temple Live at Cleveland Masonic.
And then October 7th, Akron, Ohio at E.J. Thomas Hall.
And October 19th, Washington, D.C., DAR Constitution Hall.
Artist Pre-Sale begins Wednesday, July 12th at 10 a.m.
local time with code Rat King.
General on sale begins Friday, July 14th at 10 a.m.
local time.
We've also added an eighth show in Toronto on August 30th at the Elgin Theater.
Tickets for that are available now.
Get your tickets only at theovon.com slash T-O-U-R.
Any other site is a secondary site.
Man, craziest thing.
You know, I was eating dinner.
You know, because I eat at night.
I'm not going to lie.
Anybody, I eat it, you know, I eat in the evening.
I eat at night.
I eat dinner.
You know, I'm a, it's just kind of one of the people I am.
I'm somebody that eats dinner.
And yeah, I guess there's a new, I don't know if this is everywhere, but this was a blood donor.
They're looking for blood.
They came to the door.
The blood donor people come to the door and ask if anybody is willing to donate blood.
And I'm like, you know, I'm eating dinner.
That was the thing.
I'm having dinner.
I don't want to, I guess I don't want to stop having dinner to give, to give, I mean, I want to give blood.
I want to be supportive.
I just think it's weird if they're going door to door trying to get it.
I understand you go door to door, you need a glass of milk, right?
I understand you go door to door, you need CPR, you know.
Hey, Ernie can't breathe.
We can't, you know, we need help.
But door to door for blood, that's a, I can even handle the insect guy.
Hey, buddy, we're here, you know, you know, that guy always shows up.
He's like, hey, man, we're just, you know, we're exterminating the neighbors.
Want to extend the option to you?
You know, we'll give you $40 off.
And then he's always like, what's that behind you?
Is that a wasp?
You know, they always try to scare you, them guys.
Like, oh, damn.
He'll just do like that with his head.
I'm like, oh, was that a what, you know?
And they're doing fake wasps.
And some of these companies now, these insect companies, they'll have a guy sitting in the truck with a little drone, a little drone wasp, and he'll have that bitch going.
And they set you up.
And then he's like, damn, your house is infected.
You know?
You got bed bugs.
You got bench worms.
You got damn, you could have, you know, there's probably bumblebees in your flower, in the, you know, in your bread box.
You're like, what, you know, but before you know it, that's $80 and you got some guy spraying gas all around, you know, doing that gas all around the house.
Or the, you know, they come through and they're just spraying.
I mean, those insect people, they'll spray damn.
I saw a dude one time.
He was on his phone.
He just had the gun, the spray gun just going.
He left about probably seven or eight ounces of, you know, it's probably just repellent.
He left seven or eight ounces in a children's playroom.
I saw him just, he was on the, just stepping on the gas.
He was on his phone ordering something, getting him a Jimmy John or getting him a fat sal's, you know, or something.
Or a vet, you know, getting him a little bit of Butch's pizza.
He was ordering something on the phone.
But, yeah, so those are people I can understand doing door to door.
Those are people I can understand.
But when they're door-to-door, like, hey, we're here with the blood, you know, sewing, you know, state blood bank or something.
And we're here.
We're just seeing if anybody in the home today is willing to give blood.
And then the guy kind of looks in my house, like, like, like he's going to see somebody in a distance who's just happening to be like, oh, you know, I got extra blood on me or whatever.
Yeah, you know, I wouldn't, I was just going to play some Call of Duty, but I'll drop off a pint.
I'll give you half a pint.
I don't know if I can legally give blood or not.
They said I couldn't one time because I had done steroid use and they won't let you give blood.
So it kind of hurt my feelings a little bit, but I, you know, it shouldn't hurt my feeling.
But when somebody's like, hey, we don't want your blood, that's a really, because you got a lot of blood.
Somebody's like, damn, we don't want your blood.
Yeah, door-to-door sales.
And that would be going door-to-door.
They don't have as much of it.
You know, when I was young, the eggman would come and he'd come and he'd bring, you know, he'd show you a thing of eggs.
You want some eggs, you know?
And my mom would be like, get off our porch.
You fucking pervert.
Because sometimes he'd be looking in the windows.
Sometimes he'd just be looking at, He wouldn't even have any eggs.
He's like, dude, are you selling eggs or are you just a peeping Tom?
You know, like, are you, you don't have any eggs?
So what are you doing here?
You know, it's 10 p.m.
And what other people, they had door-to-door, oh, the people would do the magazines and it was like a scam, you know.
They come and they'd be like dancing on your porch.
They're like, hey, don't you want a copy of this magazine?
You know?
And it would be a scam.
They'd have like a menu of magazines, you know, like Time Magazine, you know, Newsweek, Cosmopolitan, bitches getting rowdy.
You're like, that's.
And that was a cookbook.
They also had like a little cookbook area.
But I remember, and it was always a scam.
You'd pay the guy.
You would never see the magazines.
And then a year later, they'd come back by.
But yeah, some of the titles had on there.
It was just, they were like, is this, are these really magazines, you know?
Gays and guns.
And it was like, is that a that was a, I remember they had all types of stuff in there.
Sports illustrated different stuff.
Grateful to be here with you guys today.
I know it's been a while since we had a solo and I'm sorry about that.
But it won't be any longer.
Let's get into it, baby.
It's Bishop Gunn.
Now I'm just falling on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
I must be cornerstone.
Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind.
I found I can feel it in my bones.
I'm gonna stand.
But it's gonna take a little time for me to set that parking brake and let myself unwind.
Shine that light on me.
I'll sit and tell you my stories.
Shine on me.
And I will find a song.
I will sing it.
Just voice.
And there they are right there.
That's Bishop Gunn with Shine.
Gotta love them.
So grateful for that song.
That song has really given us an anthem and a piece of material over the years to have together.
What's going on?
Just staying alive, brother.
That's it.
It's been a bit.
I'm trying to think of where to start.
I feel a little bit nervous, actually.
I think, I don't know if I just haven't done this in a while or yeah, I don't know.
I feel a little nervous.
I feel kind of nervous today.
So that's okay.
I'm just going to say that, you know, and that's okay.
Yeah, I want to just fill you in what's going on with me recently.
Just tell you what I've been up to.
And yeah, see, I feel like I'm just forgetting how to do this, but that's okay.
I'm not.
It's just like a new, it's just been a little bit of doing a solo episode.
I haven't done it in a while.
And so I'm really grateful.
I was really excited to be able to sit here.
And I want to get into some calls in a little bit.
I just got back.
I went to UFC.
That was really cool.
But one thing I did really recently that was that was just divine.
And I mean, you could just, God, it was just dang divine.
I mean, you could feel the Lord just touching you while you were watching it.
And it was the rodeo.
I went to the rodeo recently.
I went to the Franklin rodeo, and it was in Franklin, Tennessee.
And man, the rodeo, you think it's going to be a, you know, a lot of people spit and dip and even women doing it.
You'll have a woman, she'll have a, you know, she'll have a hit of Copenhagen tucked up.
You know, somebody's, they're tough.
They'll tuck, they'll tuck a hit of Hagen right up in their labia.
You know what I'm saying?
They don't, you're like, damn, where's she spitting from?
You know, it's, so it can be a unique lot out there, but, or a unique lot of people that go to watch rodeo.
But it was unbelievably entertaining.
I had just, I'd forgotten how good it was.
You know, I think I'd only been once and I had pink eyes, so I couldn't even see that good.
I remember, I think my mom took us once and yeah.
So I was, you know, I only had, you know, I was, I was infected at the time, so I couldn't see good, but it was unbelievable.
I went to the Franklin rodeo and at one point, there's this event where they bring out all of these, they bring children out of the stands and they, they tie like ribbons to the tail of, or they put like a ribbon onto the end of a sheep and they let the sheep run and all these kids just chase these sheep trying to get the ribbon off of the tail.
It's, it's just, it was insane.
And then you have also bull riding.
Um, and then you have there's some calf like roping and stuff.
Some of that's kind of intense if you're kind of like very, you know, pretty sensitive.
It can be maybe a little bit intense.
But yeah, I mean, you'll see, there'll be lasso and sometimes You'll see milk fly out of something.
You know, you're like, damn, was that milk?
And your dad's like, cover your eyes.
You're not supposed to be on this website.
But they had a horse.
There's one point where this man had trained a horse, and the horse stands up on his legs, brother.
And I'd never seen this.
And this horse, I don't know if he was like a business or like a business horse or if he's one of the, you know, if he, I don't know how he got his skill set really.
But he stood up on his legs, like in the middle of the arena, and then he walked out of the arena on his legs, a horse.
And I'd never seen it.
But it blew my mind.
Anyway, if you get a chance to go see a rodeo, I totally recommend it.
I just, I'd forgotten how great it was, how interesting it was, the different amounts of talent.
You get to cheer for people.
They got some hardcores out there, too.
I mean, they got some women out.
They got some strong, you know, men and women.
They got some people that are, they got some people that will fucking shake your fucking hand.
You know?
They will shake your hand.
So they have some people like that out there.
But yeah, it was amazing.
I just want to recommend the rodeo if you haven't been going and doing things that are interesting or you're thinking, oh, there's nothing in my area.
Or if you just haven't been to a rodeo in a long time, I want to recommend the rodeo.
What else?
We had the Roseanne.
Our Roseanne episode got taken down.
I'll do a little bit of business with you guys here.
Our Roseanne episode got taken down and we got strikes on YouTube.
A strike on YouTube.
And we couldn't post for a week.
Those were the rules.
And at first I was really shocked.
You know, I believe that what Roseanne said was satire, right?
I believe that wholeheartedly.
I believe that she is a comedian.
I know she's a comedian.
We were having a conversation.
She was being satirical.
To me, it's very evident.
Now, YouTube has their own policies.
They have hate speech policies.
And that's what we got our strike for, was hate speech.
And I think I was kind of offended by that.
You know, I thought I didn't think that that was, I didn't think that it was fair.
And I think the toughest part was there's no communication.
You don't get to communicate with YouTube really about it.
Right.
They kind of, this ruling comes from like a place you can't or people you can't communicate with or access.
And then that's how they do it.
Right.
And now I understand they have their policies and they have to do their best to uphold their policies.
Right.
And I'm thankful to YouTube.
I'm very grateful that it exists.
Right.
Because I have a place to speak from, you know, I have a platform from which to talk and a place to host a show.
Like I'm very grateful for that.
Truly am.
But yeah, I think the tough part was just that it felt like there was no communication about it.
It was just like, this is what it is.
And I understand that's their policies.
But I think there was, there should be, I feel like you should have some conversation about it.
Because they call for YouTube, they call you like partners, right?
You're like, we're partners.
You know, because I'm not an employee of YouTube, but I'm a partner.
That's what they call it, you know, that you're a partner, YouTube partner.
And so, yeah, I just felt like if I'm a partner, then let's at least have a discussion with me about what's going on.
So you can hear what I'm thinking and what I'm feeling.
You know, so I think that was the toughest part.
I just felt like it was kind of, I felt like there was no chance for me to speak or share what I was thinking or feeling.
And maybe that's just how it is.
You know, that's business.
So I don't know.
I had some different feelings about it.
You know, I also have to take into account that I want to be able to have a show.
I want to be able to connect with people.
And just times are different.
You know, people could say, well, you can still have your voice, even if you lose a channel or your social media gets taken down.
You still have your own voice, which is true.
But times have changed.
You know, it's like it's not just a soapbox in your neighborhood anymore, in your tribe.
You know, people are communicating with a lot more people at once and on bigger levels or different levels.
But when you communicate something out in social media on YouTube, it's accessible to more people.
So it's not like you're just standing on your soapbox, you know, in a town hall or something.
So it's really like YouTube has kind of become like paper, like they're the paper.
You know, all these social media platforms, they're the paper now.
And it's almost sometimes it feels like, well, the paper gets to determine what's written on it.
Whereas it used to feel more like, hey, you can write what you want on this paper and deal with people's and deal with consequences or interpretations of it.
But now sometimes it feels like, well, if you put something on this paper, the paper Is now determining what you're even allowed to.
It's like as if a piece of paper, you're writing stuff on it, and the paper was able to edit as you're writing.
So I don't know if that makes any sense, but it's just, you know, it's just an interesting time.
Now, what was really crazy was that when the episode got taken down, I believe that it should be able to live somewhere, right?
I believe that it was a great episode.
I was really grateful to be able to talk with, you know, a real matriarch?
Yeah, a real matriarch of comedy.
You know, she is, I mean, there's nobody like Roseanne.
You know, and I know she's had a lot of like things that have come at her over the years, a lot of, you know, she always makes controversy.
She always does.
Sometimes it seems like it's too much for sure.
Other times it seems like what you would expect out of a comedian, out of an instigator, you know, it's kind of what you would expect.
Because that's what challenges comedians in the first place.
Like, oh, I can say this.
I can't say this.
How do I, you know, how do I mill around this area of taboo?
Right?
Whatever the taboo is.
But then, so then I put the episode onto Twitter because they allow longer form episodes now or longer video on there.
And then Elon Musk, the freaking alien liaison, you know, he shared it.
And so that went, I mean, that was unbelievable that, you know, just the fact that he did it, you know.
Now, and whatever you think about Elon, you know, or whatever you, you know, that's not it.
That, that isn't, that's not what I'm thinking about.
I'm just thinking how fat here was like a man who's like an influential man and he's sharing, you know, me and Roseanne and I having a conversation.
So it was just pretty fascinating.
The whole experience is kind of fascinating.
You know, I think I was bummed out because I feel like I've done a lot of like neat work on YouTube and I try and show up every week for the channel.
And yeah, so I think that's what that's what it was like.
If we're partners, have a discussion.
At least someone speak to me.
But that's that's their it's their it's their platform.
And those are, that's how, that's their rules.
And, you know, a lot of times we have to play within the rules.
You know, if I walk onto a basketball court, I, I know the rules, you know, and that's the rules.
So today's episode is brought to you by BetterHelp.
We're grateful for them.
We're grateful for facilities that offer help to people.
If you are struggling feeling like yourself, shoot, I am today, then BetterHelp can be there for you.
One thing that I love about BetterHelp is that you can FaceTime, you can call, you can text with a therapist, you can kind of like level it the way that it works best for you.
If you're working with a therapist and you don't feel comfortable with them, get a new therapist.
You're not going to hurt anybody's feelings, but you want to try different ones until you get one that you feel like is helping you navigate some things.
Or that's my thought anyway.
That's just my experience.
But better help.
Nobody does it as good as them.
It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule.
Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapist at any time for no additional charge.
Let therapy be your map with BetterHelp.
Visit betterhelp.com slash Theo today to get 10% off your first month.
That's betterhelp.com slash tho.
Sometimes in life we're faced with tough choices and the path forward isn't always clear.
BetterHelp can help.
Profiling, surveillance, data harvesting.
There are lots of things not to like about tech giants, but what can you actually do about it when you rely on so many other products?
It's a great question.
Well, the good news is it doesn't take much for you to take a stand.
For less than $7 per month, you can join me and fight back against big tech by using Express VPN.
That's right.
ExpressVPN helps you anonymize, make anonymous, much of your online presence by hiding your IP address.
Your IP address is a unique identifier that every device has that allows big tech to match your activity back to you.
That's why I use ExpressVPN on all my devices to make it much more difficult for them to exploit my data for their own profits.
And the best part is how easy it is to use ExpressVPN or the ExpressVPN app.
I just tap one button on my phone or computer to turn it on, and that's all it takes to keep people out of my business.
So if you don't like big tech tracking you and selling your personal data for profit, it's time to fight back.
Expressvpn.com slash Theo right now to protect your online freedom and privacy.
That's expressvpn.com slash th-h-e-o.
Expressvpn.com slash theo.
What else?
God, I don't know why I feel nervous today, man.
I had a good time.
I got to go to Utah and they have a water shortage over there.
So if you got a bucket of water or something, man, you get you two buckets of water, you'll get a date with the prom queen over there.
You know, if you're appropriately aged.
Two buckets of water, homie, they'll do.
You know, if you're in southern Utah, they got a, there's a drought.
If you start crying, somebody come up and hold a plant right under you.
Like, hey, buddy, I know you're depressed, but I got this booganvilia that needs some help.
Yeah, there's a drought.
And I thought it was interesting, like in this town, we did a show in Springdale, Utah, and it was beautiful.
I'd never done this.
It was like outdoors and there was, you know, just nature, big chunks of, what is it?
Like a big, how do I do this?
A big chunk of nature.
It's like where nature raises her hand kind of mountains.
They have huge mountains.
And what is that mountain range?
Southern Utah.
And that mountain range is the Wasatch Range, I think.
And it goes over there to Mount Zion Park.
And it's just stunning.
We had a show over there.
And my brother lives in that area.
And they only have so much water.
And so, yeah, I mean, you got to, you know, you got to ask for help.
If you need water, people don't have it.
You know, people just don't.
I mean, I would find myself licking my hands and then rubbing it in my eyes so I could still blink.
Like, you get dehydrated there pretty easily.
So they have like water shares, it's called in the area, where if you move, you can't build a new home there unless you have water shares.
And that's like your allotment of water.
And my brother in the morning, they go and they turn, they like go in different parts of their town and they have to turn these different valves and then they get their share of water.
So it's pretty like we went for a ride and we turned a valve and we went to another part and turned another one and then went to another place and turned another one.
And at that time, you're like unleashing the water and then you get back home and the water is just coming down the street like in this little like cement ravine and you're getting like your allotment of water for the week or month.
I thought that was pretty cool.
I'd never seen it before.
But the people are damn dehydrated there, you know?
You got it, you know, they're sharing water.
Every ounce is accounted for in that area.
You'll tell some, you'll tell a neighbor, hey, can you flush your toilet?
Because we want to make some soup.
You know, it's just they don't have they don't have a lot to go around.
So what else do I want to talk to you guys about?
Oh, I went and did Kill Tony.
That was amazing.
If you haven't seen Kill Tony, it's unbelievable.
I think it's unbelievable what they've put together there.
It's like the realest.
I mean, they have people that get, to get up and do one minute of comedy, have your name pulled out of a hat.
It's so hard to do.
One minute is hard to do.
Because it's like you can't really go into a story.
So you kind of have to just tell a couple jokes.
But it's just so much pressure.
And then it's crazy because the performer gets one minute and they know that's what they get.
But then Tony gets 2,000 minutes if he wants to rip him to shreds.
And they just have a beautiful band there.
Somebody is blind.
So that's, you know, anytime you got a blind guy, that's a fucking crystal ball right there.
That's the original crystal ball.
Do you rub on a blind guy until he says something?
And if that, you know, I mean, that's, that's dark magic, baby.
If you rub on a blind until they just, whatever they say, and then that's, that's the original crystal ball right there.
But if you haven't seen Kill Tony, I was just, it just blew my mind how great it was and what I just forget, kind of.
And it's, it's just, if you never watched it, you just have to watch it sometime.
So what else did I want to say?
Went to Tampa.
Had a couple good shows in Tampa.
One night was a little tough, I thought.
Same for Vegas.
One night was a little tough.
Oh, what's been going on, dude?
I don't even know what we're talking about.
You know, I think I've been feeling, I feel, I think what I'm realizing what I feel, I feel, I just feel a lot of pressure today.
And I know there's no pressure by you guys.
It's just pressure from my own self, I guess.
You know, I just feel as the podcast has gotten busier, I feel more, I guess I feel more like a like, how do I do it?
Like that I have to do it, that I have to do it perfectly.
You know, that's what I feel like.
Yeah, I think I feel like since there's more people that have been tuning in, that I have to do it perfectly.
So, and that's okay.
It's a normal probably thing that people feel that way.
Yeah, sorry, I'm just taking you guys through, I guess, some of my thoughts right now.
But I can't do it perfectly.
You know, I can't do it perfectly.
So I have to be careful not to leave myself in that space where I'm putting that much pressure on myself.
Yeah.
So I'm just going to do it to the best of my ability.
That's what I'm going to do.
And I know it's easy for me to say that.
But yeah, for some reason, I just have a lot of that feeling.
Like I just have been, I think that's some of the nervousness that feels like this feeling of just that I have to do this perfectly.
And that's, I don't know what that is, but it feels like a pressure.
And I know nobody's putting that pressure on me.
It's just in my own head.
And some of that was probably natural, but I just wanted to speak that out loud so I'm just conscious of what I'm feeling instead of just feeling something and not trying to know what it is.
But let's get into some calls, man.
We had some that came in.
As always, the hotline is 985-664-9503.
The Baja.
I've been working on that Jesse Ventur down in the Baj.
The Baja Soda.
Baja.
In the Baja Soda.
Minnesota.
Yeah.
And you want to know why?
And you want to know why.
Baja.
Dore me Baja Lati Do.
Got this pug shirt on.
I'm keyed up, boy.
Damn, son.
I'll pee behind your cousin's house, dog, with this shirt on.
That's who I am, bro.
I'll run up and just start humping your leg, baby.
That's what happens, homie.
With this shirt on, anything's possible.
You can identify whatever you want.
That's the thing.
Bro, you could, you know, you could chase somebody's fucking, you could chase a squirrel and nobody say nothing to you.
That's the power of the pug shirt.
That's the power of the pug shirt, baby.
Let's get into a couple calls here.
This is Garland Drake.
I'd like to talk to you because you're one of my favorite comedians.
Thank you, Garland Drake.
Appreciate the call, brother, and thank you for the nice words, man.
Let's hear more.
My phone number is 270-893-55.
Shit, I remember my number, man.
270-893-893-270-85893 893 270 Fuck.
What's my phone number?
Hold on, man.
Yeah, that's, and that's, there you go.
Well, we tried our best, Garland.
We tried our best there, brother.
And thank you again for the nice words.
And that's where that, look, that's the age we live in now.
People don't remember their phone number.
That's the time we live in.
People do not know their phone numbers.
What else we got here?
Hey, Theo.
Recently, I was at the OBGYN, the ladies' doctor.
I recently miscarried, and you have to go for a couple appointments afterward.
And I happen to have been listening to your and Stavros' podcast, and the doctor overheard where you prefer to call the ladies' parts cooter.
Oh, yeah.
Cooter, baby.
I know what you're saying.
And that's, yeah, because cooter, you know, people know what it is, but you could also pretend, hey, it could be something else, you know.
Oh, man, we just saw a cooter run by here, you know?
Well, what is that?
A cooter?
You know, you could almost pretend, oh, damn, my cousin.
He just got attacked by a cooter.
Yeah, just there's, I think, you know, it's still enough of the masking where you don't have to, you know, say, you know what I'm talking about.
So, onward.
Instead of the other word that starts with a P. Yeah, and I just said it too.
I'm going to say it again real quick.
I'm going to pretend like I'm not saying it.
Okay, onward.
And she thought that it was absolutely one of the funniest things she had ever heard.
And then she asked what you would prefer to call the male equivalent.
And I realized I didn't know what you would prefer to call it.
That deaf leopard, homie.
That's what I call it.
That deaf leopard, baby.
That skeet pony.
You know what I'm saying?
That bus knuckle.
I think those are good terms for it.
That sperm Randall, they'll call it sometimes.
Ooh, daddy got that sperm randle on him.
What else?
People call it the that batter twig.
Somebody say, hey, let me break you off a little something.
Let me break you off half a tablespoon out this batter twig.
So I think those are a couple.
I would say wiener as well.
You know.
I think people say wiener.
And I think wiener is good.
You can say it near children.
If you yell it at somebody too, suck my wiener.
It almost seems like, oh, this guy kind of means it.
Because everybody says SMD, right?
But if you say, hook my wiener, I think people are more into it.
What else?
I watched that Joey Chestnut, that guy, that Frank, that fucking, that dude is a damn Frank pony, huh?
Gosh.
And that dude just, he's that real boner homie.
He'll throw them, he'll just guzzle them Franks.
God.
How many gay dudes watch the Nathan's hot dog eating contest?
I mean, it must be, it must be like when people do those Game of Thrones viewing parties.
There's no way that in gay culture, that isn't a huge thing.
That should be on pay-per-view.
At every gay club, I feel like there's no, it should be the biggest night at the gay club.
It's like the Super Bowl, it feels like.
Some dude, right?
Yammering down 67 francs, bro.
That'll, I mean, that'll, if you, I think if you are gay and around, I think that will excite you.
Well, I would think so.
Um.
So, anyway, just thinking out loud, I don't even know what I'm talking about.
But yeah, that's what I think I would call it, probably.
And I think I would call it probably wiener.
That cooter bridge, too.
Because a lot of times if you're making love to somebody and you look down, your wiener just looks like a bridge between you and Cooter.
You know, if you even had like little characters, you could put them on it.
A hunting we will go.
A hunting wee.
Or, you know, I don't know what you could do different music, I guess.
But yeah, Joey Chestnut, damn, he rumbled down them franks, boy.
And then he's wet.
He's just like, it's all in his shirt and chest.
There's no...
You have to prepare for your financial future.
There's no doubt about it.
You have to prepare for what you want your future to look like.
If you want to save, you need to save.
I'll tell you this, a credit card consolidation loan from Lightstream can help you pay off your credit cards and lock in a low fixed interest rate.
Rates start at 8.99% APR with autopay and excellent credit.
Now, I'll say this, I've had some loans that I consolidated and worked out great.
So I'm familiar with this process.
From Lightstream, you can get a loan from $5,000 to $100,000 and there are absolutely no fees.
You can even get your money as soon as the day you apply.
And just for our listeners, apply now to get a special interest rate discount and save even more.
The only way to get this discount is to go to lightstream.com slash T-H-E-O.
That's L-I-G-H-T-S-T-R-E-A-M dot com slash Theo.
Subject to credit approval rates range from 8.99% APR to 25.49% APR and include 0.50% autopay discount.
Lowest rate requires excellent credit.
Terms and conditions apply and offers are subject to change without notice.
Visit lightstream.com slash Theo for more information.
Are you aware that 35% of all fatal accidents occur between 6 p.m.
and midnight?
That people aged 25 to 34 have the highest amount of drivers involved in car crashes.
And that people aged 15 to 24 had the highest rate of emergency room visits due to car accidents of all age groups.
That's information, folks.
If you're ever injured, you can check out Morgan and Morgan.
That's right.
Morgan and Morgan is America's largest injury law firm.
They have over 100 offices nationwide and more than 800 lawyers.
With over $15 billion recovered for clients, Morgan and Morgan has a proven track record of fighting to get you full and fair compensation.
Submitting a claim to Morgan and Morgan is as easy as trying to find a hairless cat in a nudist colony.
You know what I'm talking about, boy.
That's right.
Submitting an injury claim with Morgan and Morgan is so easy.
If you're ever injured, you can check out Morgan and Morgan.
Their fee is free unless they win.
For more information, go to forthepeople.com slash this past weekend or dial pound law pound529 from your cell phone.
That's forthepeople.com slash this past weekend or dial pound law pound529 from your cell.
This is a paid advertisement.
All right, let's get to another call.
This episode is a little all over the place, guys.
I want to thank everybody that's come out recently and seen me.
Dude, it's just been unreal.
You know, and it feels, I think, it feels tough to repay people for the support.
That's, I think, sometimes what feels a little bit tough.
It's like, man, how will I be able to be as supportive to this person?
You know, how can I be as supportive to you who's being supportive to me?
So it's okay.
It's just in my heart.
I think some of it will get figured out over time.
But yeah, I think about that, though.
And I'm just, yeah, I'm just thankful that you guys have been coming out.
All types of people, damn.
Chicanos, Americanos, black folk.
We've had Chinese.
We've had, you know, kind of, you know what I'm talking about.
Filipinos.
We've had everybody.
All types have come out.
And we're just grateful for everyone.
So thank you guys so much.
And women, too.
And it's just been beautiful.
A lot of beautiful ladies come out too.
And men.
Let's see what else we got here.
Hey, Theo, this is Jacob Price from South Bend, Indiana.
I know on your podcast you talk a lot about, you know, what you like about 13 Heroes, you know?
South Bend, and I've been over there to Mishawaka as well.
And I got stuck in a I got stuck in a townhouse with a man who was chain smoking cigars.
And I got stuck in there for a couple days with him.
Let's hear more.
I know it's easy to talk about what we like in girls, but I was just curious what some of your turnoffs are.
Oh, yeah.
Turnoffs, brother.
I feel it.
And I would say probably chatty.
If somebody's just being too chatty, why are they doing it?
Don't do it.
Orange perfume.
If somebody's wearing orange perfume, I don't like it.
I don't like it.
I don't like it that much.
Senior citizen perfume.
A lot of some you'll have younger women wearing senior citizen perfume.
I don't understand that.
You can wear it when you get there, you know.
I prefer, if a woman doesn't work or know the value of work, I'm out.
I like a hardworking woman.
Now, she don't have to have three jobs, but I like a woman who just knows the value of work.
What else?
Oh, turn off for me.
Can't swim.
If you can't swim, honey.
I mean, the earth is 80% water.
So if there's, you know, if there's a tsunami and you're trying to get on my back, bye, bitch.
I'm doing me.
I'm doing me.
You know what I'm saying?
You know, I ain't your floaty.
I ain't nobody floaty.
So, yeah, if she can't swim, I'm out.
And what else?
Oh, if she has way too many dietary restrictions, I'm out.
I'd love to discuss it more, but no, I wouldn't.
I'm out.
I'm upstairs.
So I think those are some of the things that I really like and that are some of my things about women, you know.
And if a woman hate butterscotches, if you hate butterscotches, baby, then I'm out.
Because I love them.
I love a damn beast scotch for daddy.
Let's take another call here.
Hey, ma'am, my name is Angel Burr, and I wanted to ask you something.
What do you think about Colombians?
Oh, yeah.
Well, they're beautiful.
I mean, most of them are beautiful, and all of them are.
You know, I couldn't, you know, I believe in Colombians.
You know, I couldn't do it.
I couldn't do it.
So when I see them, I say, you know, I couldn't do it, brother.
Colombia?
Hell yeah, home upstairs, boy.
I'd be upstairs in a one-story house, homie.
That's how geeked up on Natan.
Hey, you been doing cocaine.
God dang.
Dude, I'd snort everything in that damn country, boy.
They call me baby Dyson.
I'll be out there fucking.
Dude, I'll do 170th of an eight ball out of somebody's, out of a big girl's belly button, homie.
That's who I am.
I'm upstairs.
Yeah, that's the thing.
I couldn't have survived there.
So when I see a Colombian, you know, I respectado.
Respectado.
Because I couldn't have done it, man.
I would have got an eight ball for my 12th birthday.
I wouldn't even have blown out the candle.
I would have just done blow.
I would not have blown out the candles.
I would have just, they'd have light all the candles I'd be doing, you know.
I'd be off doing, gramming out.
I'm like, damn, the cake's burning.
I'd be like, my brain is burning.
I'm on coke.
So there's a lot of me that's, you know, that I would, that, that, that, that.
So I commend them.
When I see them, it's just like, damn, how'd you do it?
I mean, I'd have been so coked up.
I'd have turned 13 in a week.
You give me an eight ball for my 12th birthday, homie, I'll be 13 in a week.
So I just know that I would not have been able to stay alive.
You know, I grew up running a lot of sugar cane, and I did enough of that.
So if I was by that snow cane, baby, I'd be a sharecropper, son.
Well, if we can do something, I will do it.
So, yeah, I just couldn't have done it, but I believe in Colombians and I commend them.
And they should, if they even make it to 18, I think they should get a free house or free truck, small truck.
But that's just what I think.
Thank you for calling and asking me and caring about what I think.
That's very sweet of you.
Let's see what else we got here.
Hey, Theo.
My name's Nick.
I was listening to your podcast with Adam.
Yeah, thank you.
That was an episode with Adam Devine, who was just in.
And, man, I started the movie Outlaws, and it's good.
It's funny.
I'm looking forward to watching the rest of it.
He is really funny.
Man, I didn't, I knew Adam was funny.
He's always been very entertaining.
I just, I'm glad I'm getting to see him again.
Yeah, he is just, he's really, he's extremely unique.
Onward.
And y'all brought up the topic of ma, and I have a similar story to that.
This lady, you know, when we were 13, she used to buy us beer and shit.
You know, she was, I think, like 28, 30 years old.
And we all thought it was cool.
But she also worked at a cafe in town, and they sold really good chicken strips.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, man.
And meeting an older woman is very, there's something very erotic about it when you're a child or when you're a teenager or something.
There's something if you haven't, you know, once you start getting sexual interest, once you start looking through your wiener as that third eye, you know, you start seeing the world differently.
And you really do.
So, yeah, I could imagine if there was a woman who you felt a connection to and that she also had chicken strips or another good appetizer, that that would be very temptational.
Let's hear more.
Anyway, she used to get us food and, you know, she'd take us to her house or something and we'd bang her out.
Oh, okay.
Whoa.
Surprise right there.
I didn't.
You really that took a turn in the thing.
Onward?
You know, get nasty.
Anyway, I lost my virginity to her for some free chicken strips in the cafe bathroom.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah, buddy.
Well, there's something beautiful about making love at work.
There's something dangerous, too, about it.
Risque.
You know, especially if they had chicken strips, man.
There's something very avant-garde about making love near a deep fryer, an active deep fryer.
You know, because, you know, if you're doing sex, things can get, you know, there can be level changes.
There's, you know, so if you're near an active deep fryer, that bitch, you get one, one, you have one paw that slips off into that thing.
You know, you're playing catch with a dang apple fritter after that.
You know, you're, you're going to be living with the damn bear claw on you.
So I think there's different ways to do it.
Then, you know, you're going to be doing the Pledge of Allegiance with a damn funnel cake over your, for a, for a, for a hand.
So that's a thing.
You could end up real damaged.
Now, I'd say this, if you fried your hand, this would be the craziest thing, I bet.
If you flash fried your hand, you're doing, you're in the kitchen, your hand slips in there.
How hard would it not be the first thing to just bite into it?
Thank you for the call, brother.
Appreciate you.
And I hope we could offer you a little bit of thought there.
But dude, I got to see Mel Gibson at the UFC, man.
I was so excited.
I feel bad sometimes sharing about stuff like that because I feel like it makes me like seem like I'm like a fancy guy, you know?
Or like that I'm name-dropping, but it was just fun.
Like it just, yeah, dude, I can't believe that I got to go again.
And yeah, it was just, I mean, it was wild, dude.
Mark McGuire was there.
And I love him.
No, Mark Wahlberg.
Sorry.
Yeah.
And then Mel Gibson, dude, Mel Gibson.
From the Patriot Brother, Ames Small, Miss Small.
God, he was there.
And I want to see that new documentary that came out that everybody's been talking about.
So we'll see if I can get to view that.
Let's take a couple more calls.
Thank you guys, as always.
985-664-9503.
I'm going to try to do another solo episode soon when I'm feeling a little bit more settled.
I feel very like, I don't know, frenetic today or frenetic.
So I'm not trying to complain.
I'm just trying to share with how I'm feeling.
And sometimes it's like I can't even, I don't know.
I'm having trouble even knowing how I'm feeling today.
This just feels, well, fuck.
It's fucking Monday.
So what are you going to do even?
Hey, Theo, I had a question for you.
I didn't know what you would do.
Me and my wife tried out a threesome with another girl, and turns out she likes girls now.
And then we tried a threesome with another dude.
And it turns out I kind of like dude.
So we're thinking about going our separate ways.
What would you do?
Well, y'all gay, bro.
You know, and that's great, man.
You know that you're gay.
That's it, because the craziest thing is when people don't know.
When people don't know they gay, they find themselves doing stuff and wondering why they're doing it.
They'll go lay on top of a man or something for a few minutes.
They're like, what the fuck are they?
But they don't know it.
You know, sometimes people don't know they're gay.
And so at least you guys have figured out.
I believe there's a lot of kind of, I don't know if I want to say incoherent gays out there, but people that are gay that do not know they are gay.
They're almost like ghost, like ghost gays or whatever.
But I think more incoherent gays because they are gay, but they do not know it.
You know?
You have a man, you'll put him in a wiener shed or whatever.
He'll sit in there for four fucking hours.
But then he'll come out talking about his wife.
But he ain't thinking, hey, why?
I've been in there for four hours.
In that wiener shed, boy.
That's gay and boy.
So congrat you.
Gaians.
Congratulations, brother.
I'm happy for you guys.
What else?
My buddy Ernest fell off the stage.
I don't know if you saw this.
It's a great TikTok.
It was Morgan Wallen, Nellie, Ernest.
There was a show.
And Ernest tried to throw this rose.
They have a beautiful song called Flower Shops.
And he tried to throw a rose, like, I guess as far as anybody's ever thrown a rose before.
And he just, you know, hey, he put it all into it.
He used to pitch at Lipscomb.
He used to pitch at Lipscomb.
And this one was a little outside.
What else do we got?
Let's take one or two more calls from you guys, man.
You can always hit the hotline 985-664-9503.
Let me know what's going on with you.
Some exciting guests that we have coming up.
A lot of excitement in the air.
Hello, folks.
Larry in upstate New York.
What's up, Larry?
Just listening to the most recent broadcast, Tom Tigura.
Tom Tegura and Theo Man.
And you guys are talking about Guinness book records and that Tom ever wants to have like a thing where he's just doing the set of records.
And it's funny you're talking about this because I happen to have thought about that.
And my thing I would like to do is the longest P. The longest urine taken.
Steadily, straight.
Constant stream.
Longest time.
They may already have somebody in there.
Well, yeah, look, I think that's a beautiful suggestion.
Doing the longest P is beautiful.
For Tom Segura and Burt Kreischer, what would be a good Guinness record for them?
Maybe longest sandwich?
You know, seeing both of them start at the opposite end of a different sandwich and eat their way as far as they could and try to meet in the middle.
Or just eat a long sandwich together.
Sorry, the first way sounds a little bit yeah.
But just eat a, yeah, just eat the word's the longest sandwich.
The longest two men have ever stood bare-chested, pressing their chest against each other.
I could see them doing that.
What else could I see Tom and Burt doing for a Guinness record?
Maybe the longest sentence.
You know, Burt can get into some long sentences.
So maybe if he started a sentence and just tried to go as far as anybody's ever gone, but also making sure that the sentence makes sense.
So that would be really, really interesting.
What else?
That's a good one.
That's a good one.
I'd love to throw that out to you guys.
What would be some really neat Guinness records to try and set?
Some rare ones.
I think the longest, maybe if you fill your mouth with lump crab meat and ran, like ran, like did, you know, whoever could run the farthest with a mouthful of LCM, baby lump crab meat.
I think that would be quite a work of art.
Yeah, but those are some nice thoughts, man.
Good to think out loud and be having my brain work.
That makes me feel good when my brain is active.
Make me feel warm.
Let's take this call right here.
Here we go.
What's up, DL?
This is Zach, bro.
Right here.
I work right now, brother.
Just I'm a sewer man.
That's what I do with D.L. I clean the sewers, baby.
Oh, yeah, brother.
You're a ninja turtle, baby.
You're down there in them pipes, homie.
So thank you very much for the call.
Let's hear more.
Get in there.
Get in there and clean up, baby.
But yeah, bro, I'm just tomorrow's the anniversary of my father.
He recently passed away about two years ago.
And I accomplished a lot, you know, in the time that he's gone.
And it's been a little rough because I didn't really get a chance to show him everything that I've been able to accomplish.
but just felt a little down about you.
And, you know, I know you've been through similar struggles with – I knew him well, but not well enough.
So I just wanted to know if you have any advice about that, Theo.
Just feeling a little down about my pops, that's all.
But appreciate you, man.
Gang, baby, thank you for the call.
Yeah, man.
He's so proud of you.
Man, he's so proud of you.
And I'm sorry that he's not here with you anymore.
You know, there's, I think about this a lot.
I think about that your heartbeat, like if you want to feel your father, you can put your heart, you can put your hand on your heartbeat.
Because he made that beat.
He and your mother, they remixed a human.
That's how it works.
They cut a track and that was you.
But your heartbeat is their heartbeats.
So that's the drum of your father.
He's in you.
You know, I can put my hand on my heart and I can feel a beat that my father started, that his father started.
It's such, that's why when I think we have those feelings of pride, of being, feeling like, you know, that our parents are proud of us or that feeling of pride goes so, you can feel how deep it is.
I mean, it'll bring tears to your eyes sometimes.
You know, as a young man, if you, you know, sometimes, especially you ask yourself, like, is my father proud of me?
Man, that's the, that is the, there's nothing sharper than that edge in a man.
Even the craziest thing is, even if you didn't even know your father.
You know, I can relate, I didn't have enough moments with my father that would help us know each other well enough as humans and as men.
I had some experiences, but I didn't have as many conversations and like intimate connections, you know, or sentimental connections because he was passing away as I was just coming into my teenagers years and stuff.
So I can just relate.
I can just relate in that sense.
And it's crazy that you just want your dad to be proud of you.
There's nothing else a guy wants.
It's like, yeah, I barely, I know my father some, but not a lot.
But all, I just, that question will hit me sometimes, man, I just hope he was proud of me.
So I just want to tell you that your dad's real proud of you, bro.
Yeah, and he put that beat in you, man.
That's his heartbeat.
So if you want to feel your dad, you want to feel his, that's his sound.
That sound started with him.
I mean, you just a sample track, homie.
We all are.
But I know he's proud of you, man.
And I'm sorry that he's gone, but he's living.
He's through you.
When you smile, he smiles.
That's his smile.
When you see something beautiful, he sees something beautiful.
And when you do good, and probably even when you don't, man, he's proud of you.
So just keep your head up, homie, and know that you're not alone, you know, and other ways you can get, you can live vicariously.
And we like, you know, when you interact with a mentor, a male mentor of yours, and you let them know, hey, I really appreciate this.
I appreciate your outlooks and your thoughts, you know, if you do.
That's a way to get a little bit of fatherhood from someone else.
It's interesting.
It's like, you know, maybe if you see a young man, he's trying to do something for his father, but he can't do it or he can't afford it or he can't help.
If you step in there and help, that's you doing something for a father.
And it may not be your father, but you are doing something for that position of a father.
You are being of assistance to a father.
And I notice that sometimes it helps me some.
You know, it helps me.
You know, my father was real old.
So if I do something nice for an old man, an older man, or if I do something nice for a friend's father, it's in a way, it's me doing something nice for my own father.
You know, I'm just, it's like a, I want to say example, but there's a better term for it.
So you can have your relationship vicariously.
You can have those needs fulfilled somewhat, a little bit vicariously through other people's relationships and father-son relationships.
I find anyway.
You know, I have moments where I'll tell some of my friends' fathers who've had importance in my life.
I'll say to them, hey, I want to thank you.
Some of what I needed, I was missing, but you showed up there.
And that's not a knock to my father because my father, I'm just, I'm really saying, it's kind of like I'm using someone else as a, as like a template or as a mannequin for my own father.
So, but yeah, isn't it so deep how it's so into, it's like all a man, all a young man wants is for his father to be proud of.
You know, it's unbelievable.
It's unbelievable what a want that is.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Maybe if we taught more in schools from that perspective, instead of from a knowledge perspective, what if we taught more from like an emotional need perspective?
Like what if that, you know, how many of your, like what if a class for young men was how many of you want your fathers to be proud of you, you know?
And then you taught from there.
These are ways in the world where you can create where you can fulfill that need.
Anyway, thank you for calling, brother.
And I love you, man.
And I appreciate you.
And I'm proud of you too, dude.
I really am.
I really am, man.
Yeah, what else?
We got some great new tour dates that we mentioned in the beginning.
A lot of new cities.
So if you get a chance, looking forward to seeing you guys there.
I'm trying to think of anything else that's been going on.
I don't know.
I'm just trying my best today.
It's one of those days.
You know, I prepared some today to be prepared.
And it's just, you know, you do the best you can.
And so that's what we're doing.
I want to thank so many people for being a part of my journey and being a part of this podcast.
Yeah.
Man, I'm having a tough time today a little bit.
It's okay.
I'm fine.
It's just one of the, you know, it is what it is.
I love you guys.
We'll go in the way that we came out.
I hope to do another solo episode soon.
I'll do a better job of not making it so long between them.
And yeah, I appreciate you.
And thank you guys.
So many nice people that have come out over the past few months to the shows.
It's just, it's hard to process it all sometimes and feel like you're showing enough gratitude at the same time.
So that's some of the journey that I'm in right now.
And yeah, that's what's going on over here.
I'll see you guys in Edmonton this week and then up through the northeast.
We have shows next week.
And yeah, just thank you.
Thank you guys for supporting me.
Sometimes when you agree with me or sometimes when you don't, you know, that's something I'm learning to do better in my life is be there for people, whether sometimes I agree with some of their things or don't.
You know?
So I'm just grateful and I hope that I can be as supportive to you in my life as you are to me.
And you guys be good to yourselves, baby.
You deserve it.
Gang, baby.
Eee.
And my mind is somewhere else.
But when I find it, I'll patch up where it's now.
I'm just on the breeze.
And I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
I must be calling.
But when I reach that round, I'll share this piece of mind.
