Theo returns with another solo episode to reflect on how he spent his January, Florida tour dates, his urban Ayahuasca journey, and Olympic complainers.
-------------------------------------------------
Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour
New Merch: https://theovonstore.com
Podcastville mugs and prints available now at https://theovon.pixels.com
-------------------------------------------------
Support our Sponsors:
BetterHelp: Go to https://www.betterhelp.com/THEO for 10% off your first month.
Upstart: Go to https://www.upstart.com/THEO to find out how Upstart can lower your monthly payments today.
DraftKings: Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app, use promo code THEO, and get FIFTY SIX TO ONE ODDS on either team.
Modiphy: Go to https://www.modiphy.com/theo to get 50% off your starting cost.
-------------------------------------------------
Music: “The Come Up” by Eddie 9v: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jHN09U2420
"Do More Good" by Cordovas: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RLYqwb3TN3Q
-------------------------------------------------
Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: tpwproducer@gmail.com
Hit the Hotline: 985-664-9503
Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: http://www.theovon.com/fan-upload
Send mail to:
This Past Weekend
525 Royal Pkwy
PO Box 292634
Nashville, TN 37229
-------------------------------------------------
Find Theo:
Website: https://theovon.com
Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon
Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon
Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend
Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon
YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon
Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips
-------------------------------------------------
Producer: Colin https://instagram.com/colin_reiner
Producer: Jimmy https://www.instagram.com/jimmyrector/
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
You know, I know that a lot of folks out there don't really, you know, the calendar isn't their thing.
They do.
They just kind of go on time overall.
You know, start finish.
You know, they just, they're more that headstone is really their thing.
That's their clock.
They're not on the calendar like we are.
But if you celebrate February and you believe in it, then I'm similar to you and happy February.
You know, I was thinking when I was growing up, they had a fella named Gene was his name.
And his name was Eugene.
But they didn't, people didn't, nobody thought much of him.
So they just called him Gene because they didn't want to, you know, probably waste the time on the, on the, the get the extra part of his name.
They just say, I'm calling him Gene, you know.
This fella ain't worth the time.
And he had the thinnest skin.
I mean, damn, you wouldn't even, you'd ask him for, you cut on a light bulb around him.
His skin is so damn thin.
I mean, just, my God.
You know, you could see what was going on.
You could see his heart had just pumped and it was heading to his hand and it was heading back.
You know, the blood, you could see it commuting in him.
That's how he was just, his skin so thin, you know.
If he was going to get a pimple, hell, you knew before, you could tell in advance.
You just see it form, just thin skin, really.
I don't know if maybe his, you know, when his parents had made love or whatever, they didn't really do it good enough or I don't know what happened.
You know, I'm not a scientist.
But, but yeah, you'd see, you know, I remember one time he tried to do a cigarette and he had to smoke it from so far away.
He had to just lean his neck out and get the tip of it because he couldn't get his body that close to the flame because he'd feel that heat.
You know, and he was always umbrella up.
People keep him umbrellaed up.
And so he couldn't do any outdoor sports, you know.
Gene, you know, Gene couldn't do no outdoor sports because the sunlight would just, he'd lose before he started.
You know, he'd be at the starting line.
He'd write finish on that bitch and lay down.
He just couldn't handle the, because he only had so much skin.
And that's who he was, you know.
And everybody thought he wasn't worth much.
You know, they didn't even call him his full name.
And then we kind of got to an age, I think it might have been 9 or 11 or even could have been 7. And when swimming was big, you know, people, you know, swimming, when I was really, you know, swimming was just, you know, I didn't know anybody that had a pool till I was probably, I don't know, maybe 13, probably.
Anyway, swimming came out and Gene got in the pool.
Swimming was indoors.
And so the sun, the elements, they weren't a, that wasn't an issue.
And dude, since he only had a few layers of skin, he probably had three and a half layers of damn skin on him.
You know, he was just so thin skinned that the water, you know, because a body is what?
79% water, probably.
You know, if you haven't had anything to eat, I bet it's even a little more than that.
Once you put lunch in your body, I bet it probably drops down to about 79%.
But, oh.
But anyway, once he, you know, so your body is that much water.
Once Gene got in the pool, man, dude, it was he was his skin, there was nothing, there was hardly nothing between him and the water of the pool and the water of his body.
And he was just like a damn, I mean, just like a little salamander, you know, that had just won a damn scratch off and he was running that bitch back in there.
I mean, he would just, he, I mean, he just, uh, he's that good.
You know, it just took a while sometimes.
Sometimes it takes a while.
You know, you don't know what, you don't know why, whatever you're doing, why it is, or what you have, you don't know why you have it.
You know?
You don't know why you have it.
You know, you might have one arm and, you know, forever, you're like, damn, dude.
You know, where's my other arm?
And then somebody comes along and just tells you to hold something.
Anyway, let's get into it, baby.
You're on the come up.
I'm on the come up.
Feels real good.
I got a brand new view.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
You're on the come up.
Well, I just broke up with my baby.
Now I can finally get the love on you.
Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.
Yeah, yeah.
You're on the come up.
There you go, baby.
Well, I don't smoke.
The rocky street said to me, he's on the comma.
And there you go, right there.
That's Eddie.
That's Eddie 9 Volts with the come up.
And yeah, good to be here.
Happy to be back on a solo episode.
Thank you guys for your patience.
What's been happening a lot?
A lot occurred over the past, I think it's been maybe six weeks since I was in here doing solo.
And I want to thank everybody for their support through messaging, through mail.
You know, we've got a lot of, you know, hard mail, you know, boxed, boxed thoughts, boxed messaging and, you know, licked mail that people sent.
And I just want to say thank you for that.
We'll do an anthrax challenge soon and open that up.
And also, I want to thank you guys for just the support in coming out to the shows over the past six months.
You know, as the tour was kind of getting its feet and, you know, the old special was coming out and the new material was making its way in.
It was a lot of transition.
And man, this weekend, this past week, we went to Florida and I felt like it was the wheels were on, baby.
I felt like that thing was in four-wheel drive.
So just thank you to everybody that's come out in the different cities at the end of last year and just for the support.
I know a lot of you guys come, you don't even care about the comedy.
You just care.
You just want to show support.
You know, and I feel that.
I want to let you know I feel that.
And yeah, and just I want to thank a lot of you guys just for loving my, for, for, for, for loving me when I couldn't even love myself at times.
You know, I want to thank you for that.
So it's hard for me to feel that kind of a, it's hard for me to feel it.
It's hard for me to feel when people care, but I'm doing my best and I see it.
And thank you.
I just want to say thank you very much for that support.
What's going on, man?
Well, a lot.
So here, I wrote down some stuff in here just so I could have some idea.
Things to talk about.
How I spent my January.
So, well, a lot of things.
I mean, I'm mostly, you know, I haven't felt good for a long time.
You know, I haven't felt good.
For a couple of years, something had been bothering me.
And I've talked about it on here and something had been bothering me.
I just felt, I think there was a couple of things going on.
One, I was exhausted.
And then two, something was really bothering me.
And I couldn't tell exactly what it was or what things it was.
It was like a damn group of goblins, I felt like.
And they were hanging out just under the earth.
I just got, it was like I had this, a lot of anger and I didn't know why.
And one of the things that was going on, I wanted to, I thought that I was getting all, I wanted to get off antidepressants because I thought that was preventing me from having a lot of my feelings.
You know, I thought it was preventing me from getting, figuring out what was going on with myself, like on the interior, because I couldn't access my feelings.
You know, the antidepressants kept me at like a comfortable space.
And it felt like there was stuff that was under there.
And then also I was noticing about like trying to be in love or, you know, with relationships and dating, I was having trouble getting into like a any other mode than just wanting to be, you know, doing touch or, you know, jerking each other or whatever, you know, or just one of, you know, I was getting, you know, and then the female, but you know what I'm saying?
Like, so that's what I'm saying.
But yeah, I was having a tough time with a lot of that.
So I wanted to get off antidepressants.
And so that was kind of spooky because damn, boy, you get off antidepressants.
You hitchhiking, son.
You hitchhiking.
You know what I'm saying, man?
Before that, I was in an Uber.
I was sitting in the back seat having me a couple, you know, Takis or whatever, you know, Fritos, chili cheese flavored, and I don't like them.
But I accidentally picked those up instead of the regular bag because the bags look too similar.
So anyway, I'm sitting back, you know, I was in the Lord's Uber, baby.
I was on antidepressants.
But you get off them bitches.
You standing on the side of the road.
Yo shit is raw.
You got your thumb out, baby, and it's cold.
And it's cold.
And I thought I was going to take a break and go off to do some, do a treatment center, but I couldn't.
I started working with therapists heavily and I couldn't figure out like, what do I want to go for?
Like, what is my real issue?
What is really, and I didn't know.
So, you know, I don't want to end up in some center for damn, you know, people that can't see well, but I can, you know, but I'm seeing pretty decent.
You know, I don't want to be in there doing like, you know, that little chart, the E, M, you know, leftward E, upward E, and I'm just fucking ace in the shit.
And everybody else in there got a damn, you know, one of those sticks they're, you know, beating or whatever, looking for, you know, whatever they, I guess you just try to beat the truth out of the air in front of you.
I don't even know what they do with, if you have like a blind stick or whatever, but, um, or just get the air to tell you what's in it.
I don't even, that whole thing's never made sense to me.
But, um, anyway, I'm losing my train of thought.
But yeah, so I wanted to see what was going on, man.
So I started, and I couldn't find like an exact place that I wanted to go and I didn't know what for.
I just knew that I wasn't feeling good.
So I just decided to go to meetings.
I started going to meetings for like they're basically like sex and love addiction, but the real thing you're in there, that wasn't my thing.
I don't have a sex addiction, but I do have like a, I noticed an addiction and a interesting relationship with attention and admiration, female, especially female admiration.
So I started going to a lot of meetings about that.
And I started going to a lot of AA meetings.
I was going to two meetings a day just to be social, just to have like a social environment that was like a place where people were sharing their thoughts and feelings.
You know, because I really got intent on trying to figure out what is, what is, why is there something in me that's always, you know, that's always in pain, kind of.
And I'm not trying to have a pity party or anything.
I'm just trying to share what happened with me.
So, so anyway, I got it.
I got into, I was going to meetings.
I was doing that.
And I was off the antidepressants.
And it's Wias, dude.
You'll be talking to somebody and like somebody will pat you on the back and it just, it feels like a pat on the back you never got.
And you just start just tearing up.
And it's real.
You sent, you see all your feelings that haven't been doing anything.
Them bitches been milling around.
Some of them are pissed.
Some of them have been doing damn oxycon.
I mean, you know, they're doing oxycon.
Some of them are on pre-workout.
You know, some of them have been at zoo culture.
There's a lot, you know, they've been milling around.
So you got all these feelings once you're off antidepressants.
I did anyway.
And I'm not telling you to get off them.
Don't do anything that I do ever.
And maybe, you know, talk with a doctor.
But yeah, I went talked to the doctor and then I weaned off and that was that.
So, and I started microdosing psilocybin, you know, because that's like an alternative.
So, you know, I got like a whatever dose, the dose you're supposed to get and started doing that.
And I started working my stepwork and in different programs, in different recovery programs.
And then, I don't know, who was talking about ayahuasca?
And it could have been either Neil Brennan or Jason Ellis.
I know we spoke about it when he was in with Tony Hawk.
And I talked with Neil about it.
Oh, and a friend of mine, a couple friends of mine went.
Brittany Schmidt, a comedian, she performed with me somewhere.
She went.
A couple people went.
And so next thing you know, I got signed up.
I got signed up for ayahuasca, man.
And so I was going, and I was seeing my therapist.
I'm telling my therapist, this is what I want to do.
And they were in support of it.
And so like a lot of therapy.
And like I was getting some pretty good traction with a lot of my feelings and things that were making me upset.
And then I had this moment during the holidays, too.
This was a big part where, you know, a lot of my stuff has come from, you know, I think childhood neglect, really.
I didn't, no, when I, nobody was really tickling me, nobody was looking at me and loving me.
And I'm not complaining.
You know, it hurts me, but I'm not really, I'm not here to complain about it.
I'm just telling you what happened.
So I was home for the holidays and I was down by my mother's house and, you know, I'd really just been struggling.
I had a lot of feelings because I'm off these antidepressants.
And I'd kind of been keeping my distance from my mother.
There's something about the relationship that's been tough for me.
And I don't know what it was.
And I just needed some space.
And I went down to her place and I was sitting there with her talking and she'd giving me a gift.
And I just broke down, man.
I was just sobbing.
I mean, just sobbed, just like, damn, just like Niagara, like somebody, like some, you know, like some damn real estate wizard had moved a little, you know, eight square inches of Niagara from Canada right down onto my face in Louisiana.
And I'm just bawling.
Just really just suffering, honestly.
Just a lot of stuff, I think, from just probably being young.
I don't know.
And my mom, she didn't say nothing.
She didn't come and put her hand on me or say anything.
So after a few minutes, I got myself together and I asked her, I said, well, dang, I said, it seemed kind of strange that I'm sitting there really suffering.
and you didn't check on me, you know.
And she said, Oh, I thought you were just really taken aback by the gift that I gotten you.
And it was a nice gift.
It was like some vitamins or, you know, some vitamins or something.
It was, it was thoughtful.
I'm not judging my mother and I'm not criticizing her.
But it just, I realized then there's just some disconnect.
There's something where she does, she did, there's some inability for her to express the type of affection or attention that I would need from someone in that position.
And then it started hitting me that this is the way it had always been my whole life.
My whole life, I've been wanting just somebody to be there when I suffered or when I was hurting or anything.
And nobody ever was.
When I was a child, there was no, you know, I don't have any memories of being hugged.
I don't have any of that kind of stuff from growing up ever.
You know, and I'd always thought that maybe if I do something, if I behave a certain way, if I achieve a certain achievement, then I'll get this will, this, something would change in my relationship with my mother.
Who's my biggest fan, by the way?
I mean, she watches the podcast every week and, you know, and I love her for that.
But there's just some, there was something that there's some, and she even sent me a message that she texted me later and we spent time over the holidays after that and stuff, but it was just a real telling moment for me that, man, all my life, this is how it had been.
And I always thought there was something wrong with me, but there's just some disconnect.
She just, probably no one had ever done it to her.
When she was in pain or when she was hurting, nobody had ever taught her, you know, had been loving towards her or whatever.
I don't know.
But anyway, so that was like a wild, you know, that was just a heavy moment and it was a lot of things that made me realize that there was nothing I could do anymore to get, there was nothing on earth that I was going to be able to do to get my, to get what I needed from my mother.
And I'd always thought there was.
I'd always thought that if I just get, you know, even with comedy, with everything, I thought, you know, maybe if I can get everybody in the world to love me, then maybe I'll get my mother to love me.
And it's not that she doesn't.
She loves me.
It just the elements that I need to be loved the way I need to be loved or that a child does, no one probably maybe did them to her.
I don't know.
I'm not judging her or anything.
This isn't a judgment.
You know, I'm not trying to talk bad about her, but it just was no one, I don't know.
She doesn't have that.
It's almost like a blind.
It is like a blind person.
They can't see.
She can't do it.
She can't do it.
And it had never been more evident to me.
And in my whole life, I'd never realized it until that moment where I'm sitting there and I am like, man, I was just really, just bubbly, you know.
And there was no reaction from her.
Or there was no, I'm sure she was hurting for me, but there's just, she doesn't have that thing where the ability to comfort, you know.
I don't know.
And some of that I'm still learning.
I don't know everything.
But anyway, so that was a wild thing, you know, and that was a lot because then it made me like a lot of anger.
I was like, man, my whole life, this is how it had always been.
Like everything made so much sense to me now.
Like why I'd spent my whole life, I'd always become such good friends with my girlfriend's mothers and with my friends' mothers.
And like, I was always looking for this, for this thing, for this connection that I just had never had.
Never had, you know?
And it made me even think when I was a little kid that I probably was really struggling and nobody was right there, you know?
And maybe that my mother even saw me struggling, but didn't have the thing inside, whatever that is.
And I don't think it's a choice that she made.
I just think it's a, it's some, it's like almost like an autism.
It's like an emotional autism.
And I'm not judging, you know, I can't do all this and like, you know, there's part of me that'll always be angry and stuff, but I'm not, you know, this isn't about being angry at my mother.
I can have that time, but it's like being angry at somebody who can't, who can't eat chocolate Or for not eating chocolate, but they don't have a mouth or a tongue.
And so you're sitting there just yelling at them for not eating chocolate, but they don't have a mouth or a tongue.
So, anyway, that's a lot of information.
I didn't even know if I really wanted to share that, and I don't know.
I don't know if it's the right thing to share.
I never know what the right thing to share is sometimes, you know.
But I'm just trying to tell you where I'm at.
There's other, I'll tell you other great stuff.
I'm going to the Super Bowl.
That's going to be exciting.
You know, I'm going to try to pop down to Mardi Gras.
But I want to tell you a little bit more about what happened.
But also, I got to tell you that we got some tour dates I got to do.
Oh, and I did an ayahuasca.
I did ayahuasca.
So that's where this kind of heads to.
And anyway, I'll get into that in a second.
But here we are right here.
We got this.
The tour dates.
Rockford, Illinois, February 25th.
Chicago, Illinois, February 26th.
Lafayette, Indiana, and Tulsa, Oklahoma are sold out.
Los Angeles, May 7th.
And those will all be theovon.com slash tour.
And get your tickets through there.
Don't go to these other aftermarket sites.
They put a damn, you know, they put some Rockford Five Skates on it.
They put a dirty spoiler on it.
And now they're selling you the ticket for $1,000.
Don't do that.
What do I want to tell you?
Okay, right now we got to do this.
If you're struggling with something and you need some help, it can work for you.
BetterHelp.
That's right.
If there's something interfering with your happiness, you can't get that big smile from God to freaking, you know, you can't get that bat signal of the Lord to hit you in the heart, then BetterHelp will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist.
You can start communicating in under 48 hours.
That's beautiful, damn.
That's under two days.
That's only, you know, that's two breakfasts and you got help.
BetterHelp wants you to start living a happier life today.
Join the over 2 million people who've taken charge of their mental health.
Go to betterhelp.com slash T-H-E-O with the help of an experienced professional.
Special offer for this past weekend, listeners.
Get that 10% off, baby, that decount.
Get that decount.
Off your first month at betterhelp.com slash Theo.
That's right.
This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp.
We also want to let you know about DraftKings.
The moment we've been waiting for since September is finally here in honor of the big game, DraftKings Sportsbook, an official sports betting partner of Super Bowl 56, is giving new customers 56 to 1 odds.
Damn, that's almost, that's a lot.
On either team, bet just $5 and get $280, $80 in free bets if your team wins.
DraftKings Sportsbook is now live in New York, meaning you can bet from almost a third of the country.
That's powerful.
New customers can get a free shot at a $1 million top prize with their first deposit.
It's also live in Louisiana now, too.
I just did a video for them.
Download the DraftKings Sports app.
Use promo code T-H-E-O.
Get that 56 to 1 odd on either team.
That's right.
That's promo code T-H-E-O at DraftKings Sportsbook.
21 plus.
Minimum age and location requirement vary by jurisdiction.
If you struggle with gambling, this won't be for you.
So know that.
See draftkings.com slash slash sportsbook for full list of requirements, state-specific responsible gaming resources.
Voila prohibited gaming problem.
Call 1-800-GAMBLER.
In Tennessee or text, call or text the TN Red Line.
That's for gambling.
1-800-89-889-9789.
In Connecticut, baby, if you up there in Connecticut, baby, and you wagered it all, baby, you bet the baby.
If you bet the baby on the Buffalo Bills, then you get, you know, you lost it.
That's okay.
Go Bills.
But call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org slash chat.
In New York, call 877-H-H-O-P-E-N-Y or text H-O-P-N-Y.
Hope any.
Ho, Hope, New York.
That's right, and he'll help you.
So anyway, I had a lot going on.
I was going through step work.
I was, you know, I was doing really good therapy.
Man, I got to finally got a great therapist that I was working with.
And I was just having conversations that were real because I could access my feeling, man.
My feelings had been like Goldilocks.
You know, they'd been sleeping in my bed, but I wasn't home, baby.
You know?
My feelings had been, I mean, it had just been this long game of hide and go seek.
And now they were right there.
But it was also, dude, I was having, I mean, I had afternoons where I wanted, you know, it was really tough.
And there's some moments where it is still tough.
But it was, it was, man, it was really, really tough.
There was moments, man, where I didn't want to be a lot, bro.
There was moments where I didn't want to be alive, man, honestly.
And I don't say, I'm not trying to be negative.
I'm not trying to tell you that I don't, you know, that I don't love myself or anything, but it just, it hurt.
You know, I've been on antidepressants for 18, 16, 16 years.
So there was a lot of stuff.
You know, and I don't even know if I should have shared that story about my mom.
I've been kind of wondering if I should have shared it.
I don't want my mother to think that I don't love her.
But I just, I do want to be able to share what goes, because all these years I'm sharing about how my feelings are having, I'm having a tough time.
And then now I'm able to get a moment where, oh, I see what's going on here.
I see why every time I see like a woman smile, something about it make I have to, I need that.
You know, if it's, you know, why the attention of a woman, everything in me turns.
I remember one night at the comedy store, I think Joey Diaz had been up there, bro, and he was damn.
He was on, you know, 7,000.
He was on some damn, you know, he was wearing Neil Diamonds around his neck, and he had damn, you know, probably 80,000 millibursts or whatever in him of, you know, something magical.
He was just spinning, baby.
He was up there just Neil Armstrong with no helmet, baby.
You know what I'm saying?
He's that Mars daddy, bro.
He was nipping on Neptune.
He was sitting on Saturn, baby.
He was out there.
DIY moon landing, dog.
And I remember I'd had a great conversation with him.
We'd just been chatting and having a nice time.
And then I walked out on the porch and there was this pretty, there was this attractive girl.
And I tried to get her attention.
I couldn't really get it.
And I saw her a little bit later in the evening and I tried to get her attention.
I was afraid to approach her.
And then she, I don't know, I saw her talking to somebody and then she left.
And I was so the fact that she hadn't engaged with me or meant talk or just or that I hadn't engaged with her, something about it.
Not no blame on her, but just the fact that I wasn't brave enough to or whatever, something about that.
Just that, I don't even know who.
I don't even, I have no idea who she even was.
But something about that moment, I remember that was a night.
This was years ago, but it was a night that I relapsed.
It was a night where I just, I threw in the towels, bro.
Fuck, I threw in a whole load of laundry, dog.
So it just shows me that there's like, it's something about affection and attent, if there's some necessity, necessity or necessity, not necessary, but some need for an attention that has a profound effect on me and always has, always has.
And now I can see why, because there was this thing that I was never getting.
And when I saw it between my friends and their moms, when I saw, I wanted to, it made sense why I moved out at 14, why I got emancipated, because I needed something.
You know, I needed to be loved.
I needed to be seen and I needed something.
I needed something.
And this isn't, I'm not, I'm not, I don't need you to feel sorry for me.
I don't need that.
I'm just trying to share my story.
And it's scary to even share it because I don't even know exactly what my story is.
But I'm just trying to share it.
You know, the first question on this thing that I wrote down is what, or that the producer wrote down, possible topics of discussion.
How did you spend your January?
So then I got ayahuasca, somebody I talk, I don't know, Neil Brennan, different people I was talking to had done it.
I got on the phone with Aubrey Marcus and he was telling me the, it just sounded so much like I needed something different.
And I needed something to look forward to, man, because I didn't want to get back on the antidepressants.
And when ayahuasca came on, you have to be off antidepressant for 30 day.
You got to have a 30-day reprieve, baby.
So I'm like, oh my God, I'm already been off for like 40 days.
I have to, this is, I got to do this.
Because I'm thinking about getting back on.
And I still am.
Because damn, I feel like Gene, bruh.
I feel like Gene in the sun.
I feel like Gene in the sun.
Man, I just realized that I feel like damn Gene.
I was wondering, man, I was wondering why that story was coming into my head.
Thank you.
Wow.
Sorry, man.
I just, that's how I felt being off antidepressants.
I was missing my skin, man.
I was missing my skin.
Dude, I remember I stopped at a damn Starbucks.
I was crying.
This was a crazy moment.
I was sitting there with my friend.
I was like, bro, you got him.
I'm bawling on the phone.
Because all this years worth of feeling coming out just anything.
I see some dad walk across the parking lot with his son and it just would Spiral me all these feelings that had been trapped behind this medication.
And that might not be what it's like for everybody.
This is what it was like for me.
But the craziest part, I remember I invited, or one thing that was crazy, I was having a moment, man, and I had my buddy meet me over at my friend Tim, great guy, meet me at Starbucks.
He's like, just meet me somewhere, man.
What's going on?
And so I meet him and I'm like, I'm just, you know, fuck, I'm being a, and it's not even I'm being a little bitch.
It's just this shit would been in me.
So once you're off the medication, it's like somebody lights the fuse and it's like the 4th of July, but all the fireworks are old shit and like, uh, they're all fucking, there's no fire.
I mean, they're fiery, but them bitches got a lot of salt water in them, baby.
There's a lot of weird feelings, you know?
So I'm sitting there and I'm just emoting to my friend Tim and just telling him what's going on.
And some guy drives past.
It's like kind of bumper to bumper traffic because I'm facing out from the Starbuck on a busy street.
And he yells out.
He's like, he honks horn.
He's like, gang, gang.
And I'm just, I look up at him and my face is just riddled with tears, man.
But anyway, man.
Anyway, so I wanted to do into ayahuasca.
So I signed up.
I signed up, man.
And that was scary.
I was excited about it because I had a goal.
Because I didn't know how long I could be out there off those meds without some type of a goal.
You know, I was going to meetings every day.
And I'd really kind of isolated myself over the years in some ways.
Something inside of me had made me very angry.
I was in conflict with a lot of people.
I mean, the reason I did all of this, even got off the med, and I was just desperate.
Man, I was desperate for something different.
I couldn't, honestly, I couldn't go on living.
I couldn't go on living like I was living.
You know, and that's scary to think, man, when your life is going, I mean, you look at my life, it would seem to anybody like, man.
And I was in pain.
I don't know why exactly.
I'm not sure.
I'm still figuring it out.
But I was in pain.
I was trying to be as grateful as I could.
But I didn't even feel like myself anymore.
I didn't feel as whimsical.
didn't feel as, I didn't feel like myself.
Oh.
you Thank you.
Anyway, I don't know, man.
I don't know if I should have shared all this.
But I want to be able to share my truth, you know.
And I got to realize sometimes my truth is I see other people and they're doing great.
They seem happy.
They're doing well and this and that.
And so I don't want to be me then.
I want to be them.
And so sometimes I don't share my truth because I guess because sometimes I don't know what it is.
And sometimes I'm afraid that people won't like it if I do share it.
Or they'll judge me.
And I don't want to be the person that's always not feeling good.
That's what I had also kind of become in some ways, in some ways.
So, but that also propelled me to want to get better.
But I just, I don't know.
Everybody loved me and I didn't love me.
And not everybody, but a lot of people loved me and I didn't love me.
And I didn't know what was going on.
So I got to the ayahuasca, baby.
And damn, bro.
Damn, boy.
Mother Nature's got some hard tits, baby, and she breaks them out.
And she'll put, dude, Mother Nature break out of damn penis and let you slurp.
I mean, she really, she'll let you slurp on it, dog.
I mean, I'm just saying it is.
Ayahuasca is like, it's going to God's garage, baby.
It's going to God's garage.
I didn't know.
I had no idea.
I had no idea, man, what it was going to be like.
And I did the shit hell, dude.
Some people go to damn China or, you know, not China.
I mean, they're doing whatever.
They're doing the damn cough bat or whatever over there.
They're sucking on.
But I, I did, yeah, I mean, the place I, some people go to Chile or Costa Rica, you know, foreign, Honduran, somewhere, you know.
I went right off the interstate, man, in Los Angeles.
I mean, this shit, you could almost hear the cars going by sometimes.
And it was with a group.
It was with a really renowned group.
And that, and I, it came highly trusted from a couple friends.
And so I went, I signed up.
And you go in there and everybody, you're in this big circle.
And they have a bunch of altars kind of built with all these different little, it doesn't feel wiccan.
It's just about like doing nate, just like really getting back.
All the gods are on the altars, all the most famous gods anyway.
You know.
yeah, all the famous gods are on there, and so you know, there's that, and then just you take the you drink one meta, you drink another.
And I didn't know anybody there.
That's how desperate I was.
There was another one that was like 10 days later, and I was like, I don't know if I can get to 10 days later without either getting back on medication or, uh, or just, I don't know if I can go.
I just don't want to wait.
I don't want to wait.
And so, yeah, bro.
So I, you know, I took it and you're sitting there and it's really like a meditative thing.
To me, it seems like a meditative, meditation additive.
Because you're kind of sitting there and I'm trying to think more about, oh.
And they're playing beautiful music.
I mean, damn.
Like somebody stole Jesus Christ or Gabriel's playlist or whatever.
Somebody snagged it.
You know, like somebody beat, you know, like somebody squeezed Beethoven's eardrums right into the speakers.
I mean, they're just, they're playing beautiful music.
And yeah, and you're sitting there and then this, you kind of start to meditate.
And the next thing you know, your meditation kind of just goes to a new place.
And man, I started crying.
I started emoting tears.
I mean, just damn, like I was a dispensary, like I was a, you know, a Suboxan clinic.
And I'm just, this shit's just dripping out of my face, baby, like methadone.
This shit is just, I mean, people just kept pressing the serving button.
And I'm just like when you do that extreme wash at the car wash and that, they, you know, the big blasters come on.
Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.
That's what I was.
That's where I was at.
And just tears just flowing out of me.
Just grief, years of just grief coming out of me.
And little things start to come up.
It's like, honestly, it's like God just kind of tells you the truth in a way, in a comfortable way, though.
It's like a best friend you always wanted, kind of.
And I just started, just certain things came up inside of me and that were really real things.
Certain moments and memories.
Dude, yeah, and I would go drink water, like three or four glasses of water, and then I wouldn't even have to pee later and I'd get thirsty again because I was just bawling.
I mean, just like some realizations, people that I needed to make amends to.
You know, an ex-girlfriend came up in it and it told me that, oh, you know, I really had neglected that relationship for myself.
Part of me wanted me to try harder in that relationship.
Things like that, where you're like, oh, wow.
It's almost like your heart gets to talk.
And your heart says like, hey, I really, this I really wanted.
This happened.
And you really are talking, you start to talk to like this inner child you.
This is how this part sounds wild to some people, but you start realizing that there's this like the young you, the little you is always been inside of you and alive.
And yeah, it was, I mean, it was powerful, man.
It was real powerful.
I'll tell you a little bit more about it.
Let me think more what I can tell you about it.
And if you have questions, you can always hit the hotline 985-664-9503.
Here, I got to do these other ads, man, and then I'll tell you a little bit more about what happened, man.
I'm going to let you know about Upstart.
Upstart, what would you do if you didn't have any high-interest loan or credit card debt?
Would you move to a new city?
Would you start a farm, maybe?
Do a little farming with your cousin.
His little ass always want to farm, and now you, you know, he's always leaving seed on your doorstep and whispering, you know, baby carrots in your wife's ear.
Thing like that, you know, beets, lettuce, you know, Milo, corn.
You know what I'm saying?
So maybe that could happen if you had extra money, if you got to pay off your existing debt with a personal loan.
Whether it's paying off credit cards, consolidating high interest debt, or funding personal expenses, over a million people have used Upstart to get one fixed monthly payment with a clear payoff date.
Find out how Upstart can lower your monthly payments today when you go to upstart.com slash T-H-E-O.
That's upstart.com slash Theo.
Don't forget to use our URL to let them know we sent you.
Loan amounts, they be determined based on your credit, income, and certain other information provided in your loan application.
Go to upstart.com slash T-H-E-O.
Also want to let you know that if you need a new website, they'll help.
Yep.
If you don't want to spend thousands of dollars on a new website, you don't have to.
We didn't.
At theova.com, we got that hitter put together, baby, from Modify, M-O-D-I-P-H-Y.
You can say, baby, to overpriced logo designs and old school contracts.
You get unlimited updates.
It's $4.98 to start, but if you go to modify.com slash Theo, you get 50% off your starting cost.
So that's a deal.
M-O-D-I-P-H-Y.com slash T-H-E-O.
They'll build you a website.
There's no cancellation fees, no hidden fees ever.
Free revamps, unlimited updates.
It's $2.49 a month after the initial cost.
We use it and we love it.
Modify.com slash TheO.
The ayahuasca was really, I mean, it was just, you're sitting in a circle and people are, I mean, people are emoting.
They're sharing, you know, like sometimes people are laughing.
You're just going through.
It's like your heart and your brain and God serve up things that, I don't know, all types of things.
Man, I'm trying to put it into words.
It's really hard.
And the music is so beautiful.
Your brain will just go off on like your heart will really just go off on a tangent.
It's almost like your heart gets a brain.
And there was some different things I realized.
I realized that if I, well, I realized a couple of kind of sad things popped up.
Like one was that at some point when I was a child, I wanted to be a girl because I thought if I was a girl, then maybe somebody would love me.
You know?
And that come, it bubbles up and it's like it's such a real when I realized that it broke my heart because it's sad to think that.
It's sad to think that there's a child out there who thinks that maybe the thing that's wrong with them is what everything that they are.
You know, and at some point in myself, I thought that about myself.
I thought that at my very core, at my masculinity, that I was wrong.
I was broken or whatever.
Or that if I, if my, if maybe if I was a different gend, if I had been a woman, then maybe my parents would love me or whatever, whatever I needed would be provided.
And that, so things like that will come up and it's such a real thing that's hit.
There's no way it couldn't be the truth.
It's so, it just grips you.
And that was really heartbreaking.
So things like that come up and you're kind of grieving them.
So I'm just sitting there bawling and I'm kind of suffering.
You just kind of cry in silence.
Like, and everybody in a circle is doing it.
So it's not like, uh, and then there's these people that are like angels that are like, there's a shaman.
Sorry, this isn't, it's not like everybody's just like on a Zoom, you know, or listening to some, you know, a book on tape.
There's a shaman and he's like kind of leading the charge.
And man, it was amazing.
It was amazing.
And then there's these moments where if you really are suffering and the shaman, I guess, sees it, they have these workers that are with the shaman.
He sends them over to be there with you.
And I remember one time I looked up and there was this, there was a young woman sitting there with me and just sitting and they don't say anything.
They just sit with you.
And when that happened, I brought, dude, I mean, it was like, man, I really unloaded because all my life, I just wanted somebody to be there with me while I hurt.
I just didn't want to hurt alone.
I didn't need somebody telling me what to do.
I didn't need somebody telling me how to feel.
I didn't need somebody telling me what I could have done better so that I wouldn't have been feeling the way I did, which is probably what I got.
I got a lot of, growing up, I got a lot of you need to do these chores, you need to do this, you need to do these things, you need to take care of yourself.
But I never got any of the, I'm here for you, no matter what.
I never got an ounce of it.
So when this person came and sat there, then I blew up again.
I'm like, oh my God, all I ever wanted was somebody to be there with me while I wasn't feeling good.
And so it's not even adult stuff.
It's just moments from childhood that are just trapped in you.
And a lot of those with the ayahuasca, baby, them things come ripping.
I mean, they are.
They're like fireworks.
They come ripping out of you.
What is this plant?
God dang.
Sorry.
Got a fake plant here.
This thing, $119, and this bitch won't leave me alone.
Here.
Get away from me.
So, man, it was just powerful.
It was a lot.
There was a lot of things.
There's things I'm even embarrassed to even say, man.
You know, because I just don't want to sound like a wimp.
And that's okay.
You know, one thing I've noticed about myself my whole life, I've shared, I've just, I've needed affection.
I've needed some attention.
I've needed people to care because I didn't have it.
And so anything has been negotiable for me in a weird way over my life.
And some of this I want to share because I know there's a lot of guys out there that kind of struggle with similar stuff that I do.
You know, I see it in their eyes when we meet after the shows or we meet before the shows or people that come up to me and say, hey, you know, I see it.
I don't think I'm a rare case in the world or nothing like that.
Thank you.
You know, and look, I know that a lot of this is all Over the place.
It's still all over the place for me.
That was about two, three weeks ago, and I'm going again in a week and a half to do it again.
I've had friends tell me that they did it a certain number of times and then they never needed to do antidepressants again.
I don't know if I'll be able to get there.
You know, I think, you know, I don't know.
I'm trying.
So that would be nice.
But if not, then maybe I'll have to get back on something.
And that's okay, too.
None of this is a judgment if anybody's on a pill or anything.
Look, part of me still doesn't know whether if I should have just got onto a different pill or something, but I don't know if I had another choice.
The pain inside of me was coming out of me.
It was breaking through.
It was like I was angry.
I was miserable.
And I don't know if I'll be able to fix myself.
I don't know.
But I feel like I'm out here.
I feel like literally whenever they drop that astronaut off on the machine up there, whatever it is, some satellite and he's got to fix it or whatever.
They give him a wrench or whatever.
That's how I feel.
I feel like I'm out trying to fix this.
You know?
But now I'm working with another therapist.
I'm doing EMDR therapy.
And I tried a lot.
When I look back in my history, I've tried a lot of stuff to feel better.
I've tried a lot of recovery.
I've tried different 12-step programs.
I've tried ketamine.
I've tried yoga.
I've tried different medications.
I've tried like a gut biome thing.
So I'm proud of myself for trying.
I'm proud of myself for trying, bro.
You know, I'm no soft boss, dog.
Another thing I got into in the past month was jiu-jitsu.
And that's been helping.
That's been helping because, you know, I never had a father growing up.
And this isn't a woe is me.
There's people's stories out there that are, oh, that are really harrowing.
But the only story I have is my own.
And it's okay if my life doesn't fit, you know, everybody, whatever every other people are doing, you know, I can't pretend anymore I'm not where I'm at, you know, because it's not fair to me either.
It's not fair to me either to be somewhere that I'm not really at sometimes.
So yeah, I mean, a lot of other stuff on the ayahuasca, like your inner child is right there.
So you see all these things you did as a kid to set yourself up for success.
So one thing I realized was like as an adult, if like as a child, I took a lot of L's.
Like I set myself up.
Like I went through a lot of grueling moments by myself so I could be successful later.
And so I'm living my childhood, his dreams.
I'm living my, those are my kids' dreams that I'm living right now.
They're not really my adult dreams.
They're my, but my childhood dreams, I'm living his dreams.
And when I look at that, it gives it, it puts my life in a little bit of a different space.
It makes me really proud of who I was as a kid.
Which is different for me because I never felt proud.
All I ever felt was if I do something different or what can I do differently to be loved?
All I ever felt was if I do something different or what can I do differently to be loved?
That's all I ever felt.
That's all I ever felt.
And so then the only way I developed any sense of myself was by reactions to what I did.
So if I started getting loved by people, then that's who I was.
I was whatever.
I was whatever it I needed to be to be loved.
And somewhere along the way, some of me didn't really develop because I didn't know who I was.
I don't know if I felt safe to be out in the world.
I probably, you know, I'm sure at a really young age, it wasn't real, I didn't feel safe.
I felt like whoever I was, it wasn't okay to be that because I wasn't getting the return that I needed.
And it was a lot of pressure on my mother.
My dad was, you know, a senior city.
He was all he wasn't around and that was very scary and, you know, a lot of shit like that.
But I'm not trying to get into all that again, but...
But yeah, so I'm just kind of on this journey and I'm still in the middle of it.
And yeah, sometimes I'm ashamed.
I'm not ashamed.
I just, it's scary for me to share some of it.
Because I'm scared, I think of what people will think.
I don't, you know, which is what I've always been my whole life.
Probably.
I'm scared of what people will think of me if I'm myself, you know.
But some cool, you know, a lot of neat stuff and a lot of adventurous stuff.
And, you know, because I would like to be able to have a family.
I want to be able to fall in love one day and have a family.
And some of that, you know, a lot of this old shit keeps me from doing that.
It keeps me.
And I don't want to do it and then not, you know, anything can happen.
Who knows if a relationship could do well, but I don't want to, I don't know.
I just noticed these spaces in my life where it's hard for me.
It's really hard for me.
And one of them is in relationships.
And Jiu-Jitsu's been cool because I get to go there and people help me.
You know, it's like I can be vulnerable and be like, I don't know what I'm doing in this moment, in this physical moment.
And instead of somebody, you know, like, sure, somebody going to tap me out.
Somebody tap my little ass out, bro.
Damn.
I mean, dude, one guy put me on like a damn clip-on tie the other day, but damn.
Some dude put me on like a damn cumber bun.
That dude had me.
He was headed to prom, bro.
And I was in accoutrement.
That dude freaking wore me down.
But, but there's moments in there where a guy will help me do something without judging me or without giving me any energy that I'm not good enough.
And I never had that in my life.
I didn't have no father.
I didn't, I've never had that.
You know, when I was talking with Dustin the other day with Poirier, and I was telling him that.
I said, man, it's just such a magical type of thing.
And he said, man, I know exactly what you're talking about.
So I know that there's a lot of dudes in there.
You know, and I'm okay, man.
One of my strongest muscles is my heart.
You know, and I'm always been that guy where I got, you know, I got tears in my eyes, but barbells in my hands, bro.
That's always been who I am.
And I'm not ashamed of that.
But that's been really cool, man.
That's been fun.
It's been fun for me to be in a place where I feel safe and also not safe at the same time, bro.
And I tapped a couple clowns out, baby.
That Fred Astair boy, I put it on him, dog.
That hard scarf.
Some little piglet, some little pork chop, I fucking put him in a fucking deep fryer, dog.
Praise God.
This show isn't all about me.
This has been a lot.
There's more stuff.
I want to get into just quickly into the news.
The Beijing Winter Olympics hit by deluge of complaints from athletes.
Freezing conditions, they're complaining about, bitch, it's the Winter Olympics.
You can't complain about freezing conditions if you doing the Winter Olympics.
That's like being at a hooker house and complaining that somebody's touching your neck.
Okay?
You can't, you know what I'm saying?
Like they got, what else they saying?
They've been served the same thing five days in a row for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
Bitch, that's China.
Have you been to China?
I was on a train in China.
A girl opened up a bag of bird feet and ate them bet cheese.
And guess what?
She was a fucking hot chick.
So you're in a place where hot bitches is eating bird feet.
Do you know that?
Did you Google China, bitch?
Go get, find something in your house that's falling apart.
That's China, dog.
That's China, okay?
That's what we sold America for.
So don't be shocked when you go to China and shit gets China.
Shit gonna get China in China.
The big air ski jump at the Olympics looks like it's set next to a nuclear power plant.
It is, dog.
It don't look like it.
It is, baby.
Get that huff off the air, baby.
That's God trying to gas you up, son.
If you think you could jump far regular, imagine if you got that nuclear in you, son.
You might jump your way all the way into a fucking dirty batcage, baby.
It's China, dog.
China gonna China.
You can't be in China and be shocked when shit gets China.
Come on, man.
Damn.
Behind the skiers launching themselves at the 60-meter high-foot ramp are furnaces, tall chimney stacks, and cooling towers.
Yeah.
Yeah, bitch, that's scenery, bitch.
That's scenery.
Dude, that is damn scenery, bro.
Bro, I remember one time when I was growing up, dude, we had a bike ramp, right?
And the best place for it in our area was right by this pedophile's house.
He got to sit there and watch us.
You know, he's sitting there over there like he had a damn delicatessen, bro.
He picking fucking future touches out of his teeth.
But that's the location of the deal.
So you can't be shocked, man.
If you go to China and Shit gets chinatic.
You can't be shocked, man.
Y'all complaining too much.
Y'all supposed to be Olympians?
Bruh.
Y'all can handle this.
If y'all are Olympians, y'all could handle it.
I'm going to go to the next slide.
Mail arrives 75 years late to New Jersey home.
Well, that sounds like the mail, dog.
Have you even been to the mail?
Shockwanda back there.
You give her the thing, you say, overnight, that shit shows up in a decade, dog.
Have you even driven by a post?
The shit is crazy now.
This shit is crazy in there.
Bunch of bird houses, people selling bird cages out front.
They doing nails in there now.
Dude, my buddy opened up his mailbox the other day, put his foot in the thing, and somebody in the back painted his nails, bruh.
That's the U.S. postal system.
That shit is gone.
That shit is gone, dog.
And if you, look, I'll cut to this clip right now from the Andrew Schultz episode if you want to know more about it.
Here we go.
Bro, U.S. postal system shit is 50-50.
I'm trying to fix it.
And America was like, stop.
This doesn't work.
And I'm like, stop.
Stop, man.
He's like, no, you understand.
It's just handing it to a black guy and maybe he brings it.
And then they're like, stop trying to make it better, you dickhead.
what the fuck are you thinking?
He's like, but maybe there's a better system even for them.
Like, we could give them an address or something to get your postage to.
And America's like, fuck you for wanting us to get our mail.
Piece of shit.
You crazy guy.
White male fucking traveling around the country anymore.
They should have to stop.
But just imagine being that poor black guy.
They just give you a stop to a bunch of shit.
Like, do you know where any of this should go?
Deliver!
I just wondered if I should not like the route.
And there you go.
Let's get a couple of voicemails that came in from you guys, man.
The show's about you as well.
985-664-9503.
And yeah, thank you guys for listening, man.
I don't know what the, you know, I don't know.
I don't know.
But that's kind of what happened, man.
And the ayahuasca was just, it relieves so much.
It just, it feels like there's an opportunity for some real relief.
I could see it being one of the greatest things that happens for people in the future for getting better.
I really could.
But that's also with me trying.
This is early.
You know, I'm going to try it again and we'll see what's up.
What else?
Who do we got right here?
Let's hit one.
What's up, Theo?
This is Michael and I got my girlfriend, Hannah.
She's right here next to me.
What's up, Michael?
What's up, Hannah?
Thank you guys for the call, baby.
We just got done at your Jacksonville show.
We're actually driving back right now.
And that was actually our first comedy show, man, we've ever been to.
It was like the best experience ever.
And we just wanted to say thank you for hanging around, taking pictures with everybody.
It means the world to us, man.
We don't really get to see many people like you.
But, yeah, man.
Gang gang.
Gang gang, baby.
Thank you guys, man.
Yeah, at some shows, I tried my best to pop out.
And sometimes it's a, you know, it's some socializing exhausts me.
I think I've needed a break for a long time.
And even though I just took a break, it was also a lot of work.
This break was a lot of emotional work, bro.
But anyway, man, I'm grateful I got to see you guys.
And yeah, it's fun, dude.
And those shows were good, man.
Because it took so long to get to Florida because dark arts tour started in Florida.
So that material, I think the show is 90% now new stuff for there.
But now some places, you know, we added in stuff.
So it's always a little different.
But yeah, man, that was magical.
We're going to make another run through Florida soon to some different cities.
And yeah, I'll put some other stuff on the books.
Gang, baby, leave me here.
Here's another call that came in.
Hey, Theo, what's up, man?
My name's Justin.
I'm a big fan.
Finally got to see you in Orlando this weekend, and you absolutely crushed it.
I appreciate introducing me to Maddie Smith.
She was hilarious.
She had us pull it out of our seats, and then you came in and just finished us off.
No homo.
Anyways, I wanted to make a comment.
Your peers, Brendan, Brian, I think some other comedians, they kind of shit on Orlando a little bit.
And I don't think that they've ever gotten the real experience.
But anyways, I thought maybe you could give Orlando a good word and maybe get some of your friends to give it another shot.
Well, look, when you go there and do champion shit like I showed up and did, you have a different experience.
If you showing up doing mediocre stuff, dog, if you out there peddling, you know, thick biscuit recipes or whatever them boy, you know, or fucking alopecia treatments or whatever them boys came to town to do, I don't know.
But we showed up and put the role in rock, dog.
We showed up and did it right.
Is Orlando weird?
Yes, it's weird.
Okay, it's really weird.
There's a lot of sunlight.
There's Disney.
It's a, you know, it's a great, you know, there's long, the days are longer there a little bit.
It's a pedophiles, you know, it's the produce section for a pedophile.
Fresh as it gets, baby.
So it is weird, bro.
But damn, we gave it hell, baby.
Alright, let's get another call that came in, man.
Theo, what's good, man?
Struggling a bit right now.
Look at you.
I looked up to you.
Given up.
Given up space in the dark.
You know what I mean?
letting it control my life anymore.
And I guess just in need of the vocalizer, man, and I beat myself up a lot.
I feel like I felt my kids and my wife again, but I relapsed the other day.
Not sure What do you think of it?
Everything else.
Falls in mind when that happens, man.
If you had any instances like this, you know, make a share kind of what it was that got you over that hop made you not.
Even if you had this one slip-up, you know what?
Yeah, brother.
Thank you for the call, man.
And yeah, I think just sharing it with someone so you're not feeling just for yourself.
You share your feelings.
Now you got more than one person carrying the load.
I, uh, Yeah, I've relapsed, man, a bunch.
I've fallen back.
I've tried.
I've not even known if certain programs are for me and I've restarted the programs, you know.
I just got through nine steps in one program, man, and had to start over.
You know, it's a journey, man.
It's a journey.
You know what is not, you know, you're never going to tell your wife or kids or think to them that you didn't try.
You're not trying.
So I don't know.
The only thing I know is that I do believe that those programs work.
And it's okay.
I'm not like, I don't want to condone you not giving it your best effort, but you can only give it what you're willing to give it.
You know, people get better when they're able to get better and when they're ready to get better.
And I'm sorry, man.
I'm sure it probably hurts that you are having a start over or have had to.
But you're not a bad guy.
You know?
And you're not alone.
Phew.
So, yeah, just try again.
If you feel like trying again, you know.
I just want you to be happy.
You know, I just want you to live in a space where you're happy.
And I just want your sibling, your kid, you know.
I don't want, if you have kids, man, I don't want you to miss out on them.
You know?
One thing I do want you to do, whenever you spend time with your kids, man, I want you to look them in the eyes.
You know, be there with them.
Let them know you love every single thing about them.
Let them know you love every single thing about them.
Even if you got to name every single thing, don't name the freaking, you know, penis or what, you know what I'm saying?
Don't name like the dirty parts, but or not dirty, but don't name the crotch.
But you know what I'm saying?
You know, name the things about him you love.
Name the characteristics about him you love.
Get that in them.
Get that in them, man.
But look, man, you sound capable, and I appreciate you sharing what's going on with you and not just keeping it to yourself.
And it's a journey, bro.
Don't beat yourself up, but lift yourself up if you can.
And if you need help, ask for it.
You know, dude, I'm getting some my calendar this week.
I'm angry because I got to go to so much therapy right now and shit, but that's okay.
I don't, you know, it's a weird time in the world.
It's a weird time in existence in humanity.
I'm a fucking warrior, dog.
And you are too, man.
You got this shit, gang, baby.
Let's hear one more.
Hey, brother.
Past month, I lost a best friend.
AOD'd on fentanyl, cocaine-laced with fentanyl.
And I guess I just want to know, you know, have you ever dealt with any ODs?
How did you deal with it?
How did your friends deal with it?
He's a hell of a man, dude.
I love him to death.
Fuck fentanyl.
Yeah, I don't know how they'd make infentinol, dude.
You know, Chinese toothpaste, some people say they call it.
I don't know what it is.
I don't know much about it.
But yeah, dude, it's scary.
I've had a lot of friends overdose in the past few years.
In the past two years, I think six or seven.
You know, it's heartbreaking.
It's heartbreaking that that's where we are in the space of humanity where that's how much we love each other, that there's things like this out there.
It's heartbreaking that we are feeling broken as human beings.
We may realize in the future that the diversion out of like being tribes and out of the woods and into society was a total wrong move.
And we may end up back in, you know, in the trees, man.
I don't know.
But it is scary, man, and I'm sorry for your loss.
I'm sorry for your loss.
There was a guy who used to do the audio for this podcast named Sherb, and he took care of the audio for a long time.
And the same thing happened to him.
He overdosed on some bad pill or something.
And I still think about him.
It breaks my heart.
I don't really know an answer.
You know, but I appreciate you sharing and letting us think about your friend with you for a second.
And just be good to yourself, man.
I bet that's what he would want you to do.
You know, and just we got to battle the dark arts, dog.
That tour may be over, but they are out there.
We're all doing something.
I jerked off yesterday, brother, and I'm not comparing that to fentanyl, but, you know.
It really kills my dick when I do it.
I feel like.
But anyway, man, God bless you.
God bless everybody.
Thank you guys for being a part of my life.
And thanks for listening to this podcast.
As always, you can hit the hotline, 985-664-9503.
What else, dude?
You know, I support Joe Rogan.
I think that I think he's just a nice.
I've never known a guy that was more curious and just tried to communicate.
We live in a scary, it's interesting out there.
How do we battle it?
I don't know.
We'll get into it more in the future.
But what else do we have here?
Yeah, let's do this, man.
This is the one that's going to be a little bit more.
I love this song.
Let's take it away right now.
This is Do More Good by the Cordovas.
Thank you guys for being a part of my life and really, truly thank you for the support.
I know some of y'all came out to those shows even if, you know, when the tours were switching over, and even if, you know, some of you might not even like comedy.
And you just came out to show love.
And I appreciate that.
And I want to thank you.
Thank you for loving me.
And I can't thank you enough.
And I'm thankful to my mother for putting me on the earth.
And to my father for putting me on the earth.
And I'm grateful to be out here battling.
You know?
We keep going, baby.
We don't stop.
Gang, gang, dog.
Gang, gang.
Oh, that's the wrong song.
Oh, that's the wrong song.
Where the young and the old, sick and the cold watch just low, get out of control.
The ones that'll call and the ones that'll fold and everyone's standing around the table.
The meek and the mild, the weak and the wild, the ones who won't speak this mean to a child.
Those who have lived with their feet to the fire and forgave every miserable jailer.
Hey, I love them all, ain't gonna quit.
That goes double for you.
Gonna do more good, gonna talk less shit.
And that's about all I can do.
Amen, baby.
Now the three and the chain, the simple plain.
The ones that just can't seem to hit where they ain't.
The ones that get by on their family name.
And those who have no recall.
The freaks and the prideful.
The peaks and the outfalls.
The ones that just wait till their dreams are all scoffled.
Most too afraid to admit they've been lied to.
Martyrs with no soul to fall.
Don't talk less shit.
That's about all I can do.
Gonna do more good.
Gonna talk less shit.
I don't know if I'll talk less shit, but gang, gang, baby, be good to yourselves, man.
You deserve it.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
The answer may shock you.
Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
Sometimes I won't.
And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
You have three new voice messages.
A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else.
So great.
Hi, Sui.
Is it deal?
Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.
Jamain.
Hi, I'll take a quarter potter with cheese and a McFlurry.
Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.
Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
Second rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on YouTube, yeah?
