Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool

Jan. 13, 2022 - This Past Weekend - Theo Von

01:37:33

E375 Blair Socci

Blair Socci is a Los Angeles based comedian and breathwork instructor. Theo and Blair Socci discuss breathwork, ayahuasca, stand-up comedy, and different paths to healing. Find Blair Socci: https://www.instagram.com/blairsocci/ ------------------------------------------------- Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://theovonstore.com Podcastville mugs and prints available now at https://theovon.pixels.com ------------------------------------------------- Support our Sponsors: Keeps: https://keeps.com/THEO Receive your first month of treatment free. Peloton: https://onepeloton.com Try the Peloton app free for 2 months. Upstart: https://upstart.com/THEO Find out how Upstart can lower your monthly payments today. Mint Mobile: https://mintmobile.com/THEO Get your new wireless plan for $15 per month. Liquid Death: https://liquiddeath.com ------------------------------------------------- Music: "Shine" - Bishop Gunn https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3A_coTcUek ------------------------------------------------- Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: tpwproducer@gmail.com Hit the Hotline: 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: http://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 525 Royal Pkwy PO Box 292634 Nashville, TN 37229 ------------------------------------------------- Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips ------------------------------------------------- Producer: Colin https://instagram.com/colin_reiner Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers/ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Large

Audio Only |

Scroll

Time	Text
	Welcome to the show today, guys.
	I want to let you know that I have some tour dates.
	If you want to see me in live, in the live space, visual, real time, they call it IRL.
	Jacksonville, Florida, February 2nd, I'll be there.
	St. Petersburg, Florida, February 3rd.
	Orlando, Florida, February 5th.
	Lafayette, Indiana, February 24th.
	Rockford, Illinois, February 25th.
	Chicago, Illinois, February 26th.
	Tulsa, Oklahoma.
	Oh, that's sold out now, May 6th.
	We may add one there.
	And then Los Angeles, California at the Wiltern, May 7th.
	That is all Return of the Rat tour.
	You can grab those tickets or on tale now, TheoVond.com slash tour.
	Today's guest is a comedian and a licensed breath work teacher.
	I've been taking classes with her, and I'm really excited that she's here.
	Miss Blair Saki.
	Shine that light on me.
	I'll sit and tell you my stories.
	Shine on me.
	And I will find a song I've been singing just for.
	And I'll be moving.
	Blair Sochi, Sochi.
	Sake.
	Sake, dang.
	Like the drink.
	Oh, wow.
	It's not intuitive.
	Don't worry.
	What do you mean, intuitive?
	Like, you would think it's Sochi.
	You know what I mean?
	Oh, so I shouldn't feel bad if since I didn't get it right.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I guess I always, in my head, have been calling you Blair Sochi.
	Yeah, whatever you want.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, it's good.
	I think I could see you being either one.
	Yeah, some of my best friends don't even know how to pronounce.
	I don't really care.
	Yeah.
	So I know you, I know you through breathwork.
	I know you do stand-up comedy, right?
	But then a friend of mine turned me on to you recently about doing breathwork.
	Yeah.
	And I didn't know anything about it.
	And so I was like, well, what is it?
	You know?
	So what is it?
	Okay.
	Well, yeah, I started breathwork sort of at the beginning of the pandemic.
	I just love, I love learning.
	I'm like a really curious person.
	And I took a few classes and sort of my mind was blown.
	And then later on, I took a course, a certification course, just because I wanted to learn more about it.
	I never ever thought I would teach it or use it or anything.
	But basically, it's like holotropic breathing.
	Holotropic?
	Yeah, and it's like a tube.
	Oh, okay.
	Is that better?
	Can you see her?
	Is that okay?
	Okay.
	And it's like a two-part, it's a two-part technique, as you know, through the mouth.
	And you breathe deeply into the belly and then a chest breath on top.
	And then, you know, an easy exhale.
	Okay.
	So I go, so it's inhale through the mouth.
	Yeah, all through the mouth.
	Nothing through the nose.
	Okay.
	So stomach and then chest, then exhale.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	And then you just try to keep a rhythm through the whole thing.
	And it just, you know, it alkalizes your blood in a different way than you're used to.
	And all sorts of crazy shit happens.
	So do you know what happens?
	Because the first time that we did it, you and I did it yesterday.
	We've done three sessions.
	Yeah.
	And thank you for that.
	It's been really interesting.
	Yeah, dog.
	Yesterday, yeah, my hands, everything gets real hard.
	Like I can't even like move my hands.
	It almost feels like I'm like if you see a dead body or something.
	They call it lobster claws.
	It's tetany.
	And it's just because you know, there's a different amount of CO2 in your blood than usual.
	It's called tetany.
	Yeah.
	You pull that up?
	From your usual breathing.
	Okay.
	Yeah.
	So it's a big difference in how much CO2 is in your body than your regular state of breathing.
	And so your hands go like that.
	But it's not, nothing is wrong with that.
	There's nothing that's going to happen.
	And is it poisonous?
	Because we used to sleep at my buddy Jeff's house and they had a CO2 leak, I guess, in his house or something.
	And we would sleep for like literally 36 hours every day.
	That's really, I'm glad you're still alive.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, yeah, definitely.
	He's alive also.
	That's really good.
	Is that CO2?
	This is just produced within your body, so you're safe.
	But, you know, like, if it is, it is sometimes a sign that you're going too hard, like you're being too forceful, especially on the exhale.
	Like.
	If you get too much of the tetany in you.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	So let's bring it up.
	I just want to be able to see what it is.
	Just so there you go.
	If you have experienced cosmic breath work, you may have experienced tetany.
	Tetany is characterized by cramping, tightening, tingling, paralyzing, or numbing sensations of the hands and or feet and even the face.
	Oh, wow.
	So yeah, I do remember now my face got and my neck started to feel a little bit like hard and tight.
	Yeah.
	If this does occur during cosmic breathwork, note that it is very common and should not be feared.
	But what's happening?
	What's causing it?
	It's just like a dramatic increase of CO2 into your butt.
	But I don't mind it.
	Like when I'm doing breathwork, I just know I kind of like it because I know it's working.
	It's sort of like when you're at the gym.
	Yeah.
	And, you know.
	It felt like Botox like a little.
	Yeah.
	I mean, what I just, what I love about it is I just didn't even know that your body could feel these ways or that you could get to this state just from breathing.
	Right.
	Like I feel high after like, I don't know, well, I don't know how many drugs you've done, but like it feels high.
	Like it's really good.
	Yeah.
	I've done it.
	I've done it almost.
	I haven't done crack.
	I've never, I have never done crack.
	I was honestly always wanted to smoke crack.
	I've never wanted to, but who knows?
	But I've never smoked crack before.
	But some of my buddies have, but I've never gotten into it, you know?
	But anyway, yeah, so yeah, because I didn't realize that.
	So, your body, yeah, I did feel after yesterday, I felt really high.
	I just felt really like, I don't know what I felt like.
	I definitely felt altered, like in an altered state.
	Yeah, and the first time I did it, I mean, I just like it, I don't know what happened that was different the first time, but it literally, like, I was at the end, like bawling, like just like, there was such a release of like, um, I don't know, what is that?
	What happens?
	Well, Colin and I were talking about it before, and he was saying he cries every time.
	And it's like, you can go into a session feeling great, and then it'll unlock something, just like the energy, whatever, you know, hurt or pain is in your body that you're not even aware of, your conscious mind.
	So I cry a lot of times when I do it.
	And it's just like every time I'm so surprised.
	It's crazy.
	Yeah, the first time I did it, I, yeah, I was like, and then I had to go to breakfast after with somebody.
	And so I was like, and I kept moving the breakfast back like 15 minutes because I'm literally sitting in my hotel room like, and I just like, I just couldn't help.
	I just had all these feelings and everything was so like raw.
	It just felt like it's like raw meat.
	Totally.
	You know?
	Yeah.
	And then I had to go on Jocko Willink, who's like a Navy SEAL guy to do his podcast that day.
	And I walk in there like the complete opposite of a Navy SEAL.
	I was like, I was, oh, it was very, it was a tough day to be in front of like the toughest guys.
	I think I've told you that they'll like expect to be really raw after.
	I mean, sometimes the sessions aren't that deep.
	Like I'll have one and I'll be like really wanting to have some deep excavating experience and it's just not that.
	But then sometimes it really fucking hits you.
	Yeah.
	It blew my mind.
	I didn't know that something like that could happen.
	I didn't know.
	It just shocked me.
	I didn't know that that much of, you could have that much of a release.
	Yeah, I didn't know it either.
	I was stunned.
	What led you to even want to learn about it?
	Well, one, I'm just a really curious person.
	I love trying new things, especially, you know, with my body or spirituality or, you know, healing or wellness.
	As I get older, I take a lot better care of myself, especially with comedy and traveling so much and everything.
	But yeah, I started reading a book.
	It's a famous one called The Body Keeps Score.
	And it's basically the premise is about how trauma is stored in our bodies.
	And so when I kept getting recommended breath work because you bypass your conscious mind, like I've been in talk therapy forever.
	Yeah, it's not good a lot of times.
	Well, it's just like you're a lot of times you're not getting like you can talk about things without feeling anything.
	Oh, interesting.
	Yeah.
	And the feeling part is what makes you able to pass through something.
	I agree.
	I need to have the feelings about things.
	So it's like when someone's giving me information, that never helps me.
	It's like my therapists were, I work best with therapists that are able to like trick me into having a moment where I have a feeling.
	And then it's like, oh.
	Yeah.
	And then you can move through it.
	Right.
	Yeah.
	We don't even realize how much we avoid feeling feelings.
	And so like, I think that's another part of breathwork.
	It's like, we're always on our fucking phones.
	We're always doing shit.
	Especially now.
	Yeah.
	Or.
	Feelings are like Sasquatches now.
	Yeah, it's crazy.
	It's like, well, I think I had a feeling.
	What do you see any pictures of it?
	Right.
	And it's just in the distance like that.
	I think also there's like an element of panic around it because we do so little of it a lot of times.
	Yeah, it's crazy how quickly we're getting away from like the things that are very human.
	And then how almost alarmed we are when they come up.
	Yeah.
	And then how we create so many medicines and everything to like keep them at bay.
	Right.
	Like whether it's like antidepressants or even like all the women are on like the that little birth control nugget or whatever nowadays, you know, so it's like everybody, you know, it's like, so it's anything that has like it's a natural thing.
	We have like, oh, we got a.
	I'm really aware of it now, like that I've gotten into mindfulness and I meditate a lot.
	I'm really into meditation and I will be like, oh, I'm reaching for my phone sometimes.
	And it's not because I actually intentionally want to go on my phone.
	It's just habit and avoidance and like not wanting to sit and be present or silent or bored, you know?
	Yeah, it's gotten so addictive.
	I noticed it too.
	I just started really getting into meditation pretty good.
	I think about the past three weeks, I've been doing really well with it.
	Oh, that's great.
	And I noticed like a little moment.
	There's like, it's like a millisecond between me doing something and me realizing that I'm doing something.
	It's just like there's a little bit of realization in there.
	Right.
	Like, oh, like, why are you, like, what are you doing right now?
	Right.
	And it's just, God, it's almost such a relief because for so long, I've just been doing and almost don't even like just reactive.
	Everything feels so reactive.
	Yeah, it's, it's so much doing instead of just being.
	Yeah.
	Which sounds fucking trite, but it's true.
	Yeah.
	So where do you start comedy?
	You started in.
	I started in New York.
	Oh, you did?
	So you're a New York City person?
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	Well, I'm from Orange County, California.
	Oh, damn, are y'all pretty rich?
	I hope to be more rich.
	Were your folks pretty well off?
	They did well.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	What kind of jobs did they have?
	My dad is in real estate.
	Oh, nice.
	Yeah, and my mom took care of us.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Were they, oh, she got to be a stay-at-home mom?
	Yeah.
	Oh, that's cool.
	Yeah.
	That's pretty cool.
	Were they like an orange, like, was it, like, because sometimes you think about those, oh, the Orange County couple, you know, or like the people get fancy down there, kind of, you know, it's just like some of the areas, you know, Newport and stuff, it gets kind of fancy.
	My parents, like, my parents didn't grow up with money.
	They're, They work really hard.
	They're really hard workers.
	But yeah, I could be like that.
	It's a strange place.
	I didn't quite understand until I moved away what it really was.
	I mean, I just grew up surfing and playing volleyball.
	That was like really my life.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	And so at what point did you kind of think about comedy or like what kind of led you to maybe, did you know when you were younger that you had that ability?
	Like what, where does it come from for you?
	Yeah, well, I'm the youngest and only girl.
	I have older brothers and they had like a million friends and I, my family is like hyper masculine.
	Like just the way I grew up was like hunting, fishing, like sports.
	And so that was like sort of my currency to just be a really good athlete and funny to have any value in the family.
	Right.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Sometimes you create funny because it's like, oh, I need to have some sort of value.
	Yeah.
	To even be allowed to share air with my older brothers.
	Wow.
	Yeah.
	And, you know, they were so fucking cool and surfing and skating and like great athletes.
	And yeah.
	And they tall too?
	Yeah.
	My parents are like these adonous people too.
	They're like very hot, incredible shape.
	Yeah, it was like a nightmare to even be like a little ugly at any point in my life.
	Yeah.
	They have fucking abs now.
	Oh my nigga.
	They're in the 60s.
	Yeah.
	I mean, it's that level.
	That's wild.
	Yeah.
	And did y'all live in like Newport or something around there?
	No, we didn't live in Newport.
	We lived in San Mon Capistrano area.
	Oh yeah, that's pretty.
	Some of them, the train goes by there.
	Yeah, yeah.
	And it looks really nice.
	Or by San Clemente, is that around?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, some of them I see the train when it goes by there.
	It's like, I always want to get off right there.
	It just seemed like a nice little like kind of romantic spot or something.
	It is.
	It's beautiful.
	So then, so you go to school down there.
	And then when did you start doing stand-up?
	So I started in my mid.
	Well, I went to New York for grad school to be a novelist.
	Oh, really?
	I didn't ever know that I was going to start comedy.
	There was no intention.
	I didn't see my first comedy show until I was 25. I had never been exposed to comedy.
	Orange County is not like a cultural hotbed in any way.
	It just wasn't in my sphere.
	And I started dating a dude right before I left for New York.
	White guy?
	Yes.
	Why?
	Oh, I don't know.
	Trying to get some idea who the guy is.
	You know, I just don't want to.
	I bet you're briefly, you're probably aware of who he is.
	Oh, okay.
	So he's a comedian guy.
	Yeah.
	Oh, she started dating a comedian and he got.
	But he wasn't really a comedian yet.
	He had just like started Open Mics, but he basically like introduced me to comedy.
	And then I moved to New York.
	We broke up.
	And I was interviewing comedians because I was a writer.
	And just like one day, like six months later, I was interviewing Michael Che.
	I was his first piece of press ever.
	And like I was asking these questions that in hindsight or someone who wanted to start, but my brain hadn't told me that.
	You didn't realize that.
	Yeah.
	And then like a couple days later in the shower, I had the thought and then I just started.
	And you just started where?
	Did you take a class?
	Did you go to a I took a class, which they don't teach you anything.
	It's basically the only benefit is that no one else in there has done it.
	And so you're not afraid of looking fucking dumb.
	And you're doing it.
	You're going to a place each week.
	I took a class.
	So you're going to a place each week and doing it.
	Yeah.
	So there's a lot of value in that.
	And at the graduation of the class, was it one where you guys got up on stage at the end?
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	It was at Gotham.
	And it just sort of was like an immediate thing.
	And I was like, oh, this is it.
	I still finished my master's degree because I didn't know it was going to end up being my career.
	Just like lit money on fire.
	And you were living in New York City?
	Yeah.
	Wow.
	Yeah.
	And were you partying pretty hard?
	What's the party?
	I mean, it must have been pretty sick, right?
	Yeah, it was.
	It was really cool.
	And just like at that point, you know, in New York, it's such a good place to start.
	Everyone says it's not because you want to start in like a small market.
	But there was so much stage time.
	Like all my friends, we would just be like drinking, going a bunch of mics at night.
	It was really fucking fun.
	And did you feel like it was male-dominated?
	Did you feel like it was like, what do you think about that kind of stuff when people, because there's a lot of, some women, I think, use that as like a, or some people use like their, whatever their thing that's different about them as like a, we, we're not, there's not enough of us represented.
	Does it feel like a male dominated business to you?
	I mean, it is a male dominated business, but that just never really crossed my mind because I felt right at home given the way I grew up.
	And I never felt intimidated.
	You grew up in a male-dominated business.
	Oh my God.
	Yeah.
	I was like, I'm thriving right now.
	Like, I never, I was not intimidated by any.
	I was like, oh, like, I'm going to be afraid of this fucking dork.
	Right.
	I was like, they were a virgin until they were 22. I don't fucking care.
	You know?
	But I love them.
	Yeah.
	I loved it.
	I love the whole thing.
	And like, I loved being around so many different types of people that I was not around growing up.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Oh, yeah.
	I bet.
	Yeah.
	In New York, you get in any of the big cities, you get like all types.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Cause I really started out here kind of in Los Angeles.
	So.
	Oh, you did?
	Yeah.
	So I think I can relate to that.
	Like, just there's so many different types of people come passing through.
	And like, you see so many people that start out, they start and then they get into something else.
	Or it's like, you see so many people's little career paths kind of deter here and there.
	You know, my hair is falling out.
	I swear, I saw some of it the other day.
	I saw a damn, a bunch of it on the sink and it formed a little eyebrow and took off.
	Left for somewhere, who knows, probably Persia.
	Two out of three men will experience some form of hair loss by the time they are 35. Dear God.
	Dear God, this is happening.
	There are only two FDA-approved medications that can prevent hair loss, and Keeps offers both of them.
	Keeps, it's a stress-free way to keep your hair.
	It's a pill, low-cost treatment started just $10 a month.
	Keeps offers generic versions as well.
	You don't want that top-shelf stuff.
	You want that mid-grade hair keeper.
	Prevention is key.
	Treatments can take four to six months to see results, so act fast.
	If you're ready to take action and prevent hair loss, real hair loss, go to keeps.com slash Theo to receive your first month of treatment for free.
	That's KEEPS.com slash T-H-E-O to get your first month free.
	Keeps.com slash Theo.
	You might want to save money.
	People want to save money.
	You see people a lot of times have money under their house.
	You know, you'll see somebody, a burglar go under there sometime.
	You'll see a burglar under your house and he's looking for your money.
	Well, you can save money by switching to Mint Mobile.
	It's the easiest way to save this year.
	It's the easiest.
	You can't.
	Name 70 easier ways to save money.
	You can't.
	Mint Mobile lets you maximize your savings with plans starting at just $15 a month by going online only and eliminating the traditional cost of retail.
	You see, Mint Mobile doesn't have a brick and mortar store.
	You can't find it.
	You'll drive around your whole life looking for it.
	They don't have it.
	All plans come with unlimited talk and text.
	High-speed data delivered on the nation's largest 5G network.
	No brick and mortar store.
	The savings goes to you.
	With Mint Mobile, you choose the amount of monthly data that's right for you.
	Stop paying for data that you never use.
	Switch to Mint Mobile and get premium wireless service starting at just $15 a month.
	To get your new wireless plan for just $15 a month and get the plan shipped to your door for free, go to mintmobile.com slash Theo.
	That's M-I-N-T-M-O-B-I-L-E dot com slash T-H-E-O.
	Was there a time where you kind of knew that it was, we really felt like, okay, this is, this is kind of fitting in my life?
	Or was there a time like in the beginning where you were like, this is not, this is not really working for me?
	No, I just sort of clicked right away.
	And then like I got cast on an MTV show like almost less than two years in.
	Was it the one that Jessmae Peluso did, that show or no?
	It was a spin-off of Girl Code.
	It was under the Girl Code banner, but it was a prank show.
	Nice.
	Yeah, and that sort of just started things.
	And yeah.
	And so that's, and so then you've just been doing it since then?
	Yeah.
	Do you feel like, I know we talked, you mentioned, like, or I mentioned, I think about it's male-dominated.
	Does it feel like a, why do you think comedy is male dominated or does it feel male dominated?
	Well, I think the act of comedy itself is extremely masculine thing.
	You're walking on stage and you're like, yeah, what I have to say is important and you guys will respond to it.
	Like the whole thing is extremely masculine in itself.
	Yeah, it's almost like a combat.
	You're almost going to a war in a way.
	Yeah.
	It feels like.
	And combat was stereotypically has always been a male thing.
	Right.
	Kind of.
	You know?
	Yeah.
	It's changing.
	Yeah.
	You know, but I think like if you look at like kind of like the arch types or whatever, then it's usually a man out there, you know?
	Yeah.
	And I think also the population in the country really, I mean, it's also changing in this way because of podcasting and online specials and social media and all this stuff.
	But like before I started a comedy, I was maybe aware of five comedians.
	And they're only the top five biggest, like you're not really aware of the comedy landscape.
	And so I don't think people really have been exposed to that many female comedians.
	And I don't like to think about it because I don't want to have that perspective.
	I don't think it's helpful for me to be like, no, no one's going to, you know, whatever.
	I'm a pussy.
	But I do notice it sometimes like online where you'll see like YouTube comments or something.
	And you're like, oh, the rest of the country only thinks men are funny just naturally.
	It's just like a misogynist thing.
	But also, who gives a fuck about them?
	You have your own audience, whatever.
	Yeah, I think, I mean, well, finding your own audience is key.
	I mean, I think different places, I think, and I don't even know if it's the rest of the country thing.
	I don't know.
	It's like it always seems like, here's what I think sometimes is when I think about male and female comedians.
	I always, men, it always seems like they are, and maybe this is just because I've seen this in television and film over the years, but they're like the goofball.
	They're the fuck, you know, they're the bat bumbling, you know?
	Yeah, I know what you mean.
	And so you don't mind if something happens to the bumbling guy.
	You don't mind if that guy steps in a fire, slips on a banana peel.
	For me, the thing that always, and this was the same thing about watching UFC women, I didn't like it at first.
	I didn't like it because it felt like, I didn't think, oh, these people shouldn't be able to do this.
	I think anybody should do whatever they want.
	It just was like, I always thought of women as like mom and like a sister.
	So when you think about, oh man, my sister, you know, it's a male instinct.
	It's your sister's getting in a fight that you help.
	And then comedy always felt like was such an uncomfort, I think also.
	So it was like, man, this is so uncomfortable.
	You don't, a woman doesn't need to go through this.
	That's what my dad said.
	Like, I should put my, if I see a woman walking on stage, I should put my coat down over like, you know, so that she doesn't have to step in the stage, you know, or step in the, the, so I think there's a lot of that.
	I don't know if it's that for me, it was never that women shouldn't do this.
	But I did always, I think, and it wasn't a choice I made.
	No, it's an unconscious bias.
	Like for you, you're saying it's like a certain fragility that you're worried about.
	Yeah, it just Felt like, why do, like, why do women have to do?
	Why do they need to endure this?
	That's literally what my dad said to me, like, when I first started.
	He's like, you're one of the smartest people I've ever met.
	Why are you choosing to put your life in a basement with drunks and fuck-ups?
	And I was like, fair, fair point, you know, but also it's just like, it is what it is.
	It's like, like, my, I think what you're saying is totally real.
	Like, cause I feel that way that I'm received that way in Orange County because they cannot fathom that a woman would not, my own focus and priority would not be to be married with three kids right now.
	Right.
	And like, my family's never seen me, my brothers have, but my parents have never seen me do comedy before.
	Wow.
	Or any of my TV stuff either.
	Well, here's something also that happens.
	A lot of women start doing comedy, right?
	And I'm probably going to receive help for this because it's a very, it's a generalization.
	Here's something that I sometimes feel could be realistic and I don't know.
	Here we go.
	And they and then the first thing they do is beat this woman drum instead of beating the comedy drum, you know?
	It's like.
	You mean offstage?
	Yeah, kind of.
	It's like, I'm a female.
	Like somebody will been doing it a month and they're big and they're just like, you just start getting into like this.
	And I think maybe it was like kind of a fad that happened for a while.
	It was like, and maybe women needed to, maybe they need to do that to make sure that they're seen in like a, in like a male-dominated environment, you know?
	But I feel like sometimes people will lean so much on any, whatever it is that makes them like, oh, I'm southern or I'm a woman or I was on fire.
	You know, you see some guy and he's got skin grass.
	He's like, I was on fire.
	You know, that's his big thing.
	And he's like, you know, fire shows, you know, we're doing everybody who's been on fire ever.
	You got to be on, you know, you're on the fire lineup only.
	You know, victim, you know, like somebody neck brace line.
	You know, it's neck brace night.
	It's a fucking.
	And I don't think it's a bad, I'm not saying it's a bad thing.
	I don't know what I'm saying exactly.
	I guess I'm saying some people attach themselves so much to something that they forget that what they're doing is that we still have to do the thing.
	Yeah, I mean, I feel two ways.
	I'm not saying that about you.
	No, I don't think you have.
	You've never even seen me do comedy.
	Yeah.
	I wonder if that's true or not.
	I don't think so.
	But yeah, I want to be aware of shit and sometimes I can feel things.
	Like a lot of times when I'm in a green room, I mean less now that I'm like more known, but like immediately when you walk in a green room, if it's like a older comic or famous comic, they think that you're the girlfriend of another.
	And it's just like, but like that's not something I'm going to get upset about, but I can feel it immediately when I walk in.
	Or when I'm on stage, like, you know, comedy, though, is a meritocracy.
	Like, it's an instantaneous reaction.
	If you're not good, it's very apparent, you know?
	And like, yeah, I think so.
	But then the industry also started to adjust where they're just picking people because of things.
	And that, I think, has certainly loosened up, I think, some of the meritocracy of it.
	Yeah, that is true.
	Like, it's much more diverse in TV and everything and movies and opportunities and stuff.
	And I think that's a good thing.
	I don't think people should, you know, necessarily get something for without handing value.
	But I like the diverse perspective.
	But, yeah, I don't know.
	Yeah, I think it's good because I do think it's good in the sense that it helps like it does help diversify things some, you know, it's like it helps like plant seeds in people who maybe they also need inspiration.
	They're young in their career.
	Or it's like maybe a face you wouldn't normally get to see because things are so, if things are so often the same way, you know, it gives different people opportunities.
	I think it's less, less, stand-up is less driven by that than, you know, say television.
	Right, just Hollywood in general.
	Yeah, like you see, I don't see those lineups or whatever.
	And I'm like, that wasn't the designing factor.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, it's interesting.
	It's interesting because I wonder, yeah, why do I sometimes feel like, or what are some of the things that make me feel like it's a man sport or that it makes, I think, yeah, I think those are the things for me about that it's like there's some fragility to it that you don't want.
	It's like a.
	I mean, I don't know you well, but you seem like the area of comedy that you roll in is hyper masculine and the people that you're friends with.
	Yeah.
	I guess so.
	Yeah.
	I mean, I have some female comedian friends, you know?
	But I guess, yeah, I mean, I guess more of my comedian friends are probably men, probably.
	Yeah, I mean, that makes sense.
	Yeah.
	Are more of yours women, you think?
	No.
	I have like a mix.
	I mean, I always say like, I don't really like being a woman.
	The best part about being a woman is female friendship.
	Like my girlfriends in comedy are, it's just like the best thing in the world because we're not really like, it's such a, it's such a distinct way of life that many people don't understand.
	And especially like growing older as a woman, people can't really understand like why you would want to do it.
	So it's like you really understand each other in a way that other people don't.
	Right.
	But no, I love all my guy friends.
	And yeah.
	Yeah, it's interesting.
	It's so, and there's also so few people that do it.
	Yeah.
	There's when you think about it, like even when you said like there's, you know, you know, like five committees until you get into comedy.
	And then you realize so many people have know nothing about comedy.
	Totally.
	You're like in the world, so you know what you start to like.
	But then there's so many people that have no idea about like they couldn't they like Chris Rock.
	They would just name Chris Rock like Eddie Murphy.
	You know, they wouldn't know Robin Wright.
	Yeah.
	You know, They have one point of reference.
	Like, a lot of my girlfriends and I joke about it, but like, so many people will be like, and they'll be trying to compliment you, but it's fucking rude.
	They'll be like, you're like a more funny Amy Schumer or like a less funny Amy Schumer.
	Whatever it is, they're just comparing you.
	And it's like, you could just say good job.
	Right.
	Bitch.
	Yeah, people don't know how.
	I mean, I think some people also, they just don't know that much.
	You know, like you're saying, if they're trying to give you a compliment, some people are bad at compliments.
	Yeah.
	It's always like backhanded or whatever.
	But it's the point is that they have one woman and she has blonde hair.
	Right.
	And so they immediately, they're like, I have to make that association and I have to tell it directly to this person.
	Yeah.
	I wonder what is it?
	What is that in people that makes them that makes us feel like we have to do that sometimes?
	I think it's just because you want to try to feel connected.
	You want to try to share something, you know?
	It's interesting because if an old person says it, you'll give them less grief than you would if like a young person says it.
	Yeah.
	That's how I try to think about like online comments, you know?
	Like if you see a crazy person yelling in the street where they're like, you're a fucking whore, you know what I mean?
	And I'm like, I didn't take that in.
	I was just like, that person's out of their fucking mind.
	Right.
	But if you see a Lamar, but that's why I treat them.
	I'm like, oh, they're not well.
	They're commenting on a person they don't know.
	They've never met.
	Who would do that?
	Take the time in their day to do that.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Who did I see the other night?
	Oh, Jessica Michelle Singleton is so funny.
	Have you seen her perform before?
	Yeah, I like Jessica.
	Jesus Christ, dude.
	It was one of the best sets I've seen in so long.
	Oh, that's so nice.
	She's so sweet, too.
	She's such a good person.
	It was, oh, it was so funny, man.
	That's great.
	Yeah, it made me feel like, damn.
	It was just really, really impressive.
	Yeah, I wonder why else I've ever thought like that.
	Maybe because also when I was growing up, they didn't have, like, I guess you had, I'm trying to think of female comics that I saw growing up.
	Joan Rivers.
	Yep, Joan Rivers, Paula Poundstone.
	Yeah.
	I remember.
	Roseanne, who I loved, who was like probably one of our favorites.
	They've always had a good deal of female comedians, though.
	I guess.
	They didn't used to have that many comedians that people knew about.
	Yeah.
	Sarah Silverman.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I feel like Hollywood's always done a decent job of putting up probably a pretty diverse group, except when it gets outside of black, white, and female.
	After those, I feel like it kind of fell off.
	Now it's different.
	I think now things have been changing and going in a great direction.
	But like the women before me, they always said like, you know, they could be better than some dudes in clubs like around the country wouldn't headline them because they said like people wouldn't come, you know?
	So it's like based on like.
	But then who's is that anybody's fault though?
	Or is that just business?
	Like you can't.
	It is business, but it's fucking dumb because it's not based on necessarily on talent.
	Like when you see like Lori Kilmartin, when you watch Lori Kilmartin, she's like one of the best joke writers in the country and she just murders.
	And to think of like a mediocre dude headlining over her is sad.
	Right.
	You know what I mean?
	Right.
	But I think a lot of that goes to like just business.
	It's the same as like you could put a ton, you could lay, you could put a lineup and diversify it all you want.
	But in the end, if people aren't buying tickets to go see it, if the people aren't buying tickets to go see it, then...
	Right.
	So yeah, yeah, in the end, it's like, yeah, it just has to be.
	So meritoxy, it doesn't always figure out, I guess, then, does it?
	No, meritoxy is what I mean, is just on stage where you're like, okay, we'll see who's good and who's not.
	Oh, I've seen tons of people over the years that get opportunities because of like nepotism, religion, you know, like certain friendships.
	That kind of stuff just happens.
	I think it happens in all walks of life, you know?
	Yeah.
	Like, you see.
	But that's also the thing that makes you keep fucking going.
	Like, if you showed up and just walked in and were like, hey, I'm here and I'm funny.
	And just because I'm black, female, was in a fire, you know, died and came back to life.
	Oh, you keep saying that.
	Was in a fire as if that was someone's thing.
	Well, I'm just thinking different.
	Oh, it certainly is, man.
	They got all these shows.
	It's like, I saw one, one show, it was like, uh.
	I haven't been going to these shows you've been going to?
	It's just some of the things I get.
	You know, I get a link or something.
	Hey, check out this.
	And it's all like, like, not victims affliction.
	Well, it's like affliction night.
	I said publicly, do not ask me to do your all-female show, that it's like ladies of laughter or some shit.
	I'm like, that is so fucking humiliating.
	Why don't you just call it look at these clams yapping?
	Like, I cannot, I mean, like, I cannot even fathom that shit.
	It's so embarrassing.
	Well, here, here's, so that here's something that happens, I think.
	A lot of men also, for me, I remember like I was so, it was so tough sometimes.
	Like, um, who was I talking about one time?
	Oh, Nikki Glaze, when I first heard her act, it reminded me for some reason of my mother specifically.
	And so I like couldn't listen to her comedy at the beginning because there was just some weird correlation between like her and what my mom sounded like to me growing up, right?
	Yeah.
	It's not that way now.
	I mean, and she know, I've taught, it's just been like a funny thing, but she's also women in weird ways.
	Right.
	And girls probably do the same to guys, I bet.
	Yeah, well, and there's also just a thing of like, you know, it's good to be able to do well in front of everyone, but there are demographics that are going to be more naturally drawn to you and your material and who you are and what you're talking about.
	Like, I don't like.
	Right, which is totally fine.
	And that's like the other night I did a show at that comedy jamming the vans.
	So, and there was a comedian on the lineup who's a female comedian, right?
	She says to me, the crowd was pretty diverse.
	She comes up to me after the show.
	She goes, hey, I just want to say I saw your crowd.
	Very diverse group.
	You're really doing your job.
	That's what she said to me.
	And I'm like, I will never work with this girl again for saying that.
	Because like, you know how hard it is to get any audience?
	You think I have to get a certain type of audience?
	Like, that's fucking crazy to me.
	Like, I'm happy to sell any tickets.
	Like, now I have to make sure each audience member, like, this person, you know, has a hat.
	This person has glasses.
	This person's a ginger.
	This person's a Filipino.
	Like, that's fucking impossible.
	Yeah.
	Right?
	Like, I don't know.
	And maybe I had like, I mean, I could have had like an overreaction.
	It just seemed like, and this was a girl who doesn't sell tickets, which is fine, right?
	But it was like, are you really telling me like that I have to have now a di like a diverse audience?
	Like, it just fucking was like, that's impossible.
	Okay.
	Maybe some people it's possible, but.
	I love that you add it.
	And this is a person who doesn't sell tickets.
	Yeah.
	Well, it's like coming from her.
	It's like, yeah, you would think that hypothetically in this perfect world, it would be great if every time you walked out there, there was like a perfect rainbow of an audience.
	I mean, I would love that personally for me.
	Like, you know, there's nothing better on earth as a white woman than making black people laugh.
	Right.
	There's no better feeling in the world.
	Oh, yeah.
	But like, yeah, I mean, you can control it.
	And people, like, I'm sure a lot of, you know, southern people are drawn to you.
	I don't have a big southern audience, actually.
	Oh.
	Yeah.
	But, um, yeah, most of my tickets I sell Australia.
	Portland is my biggest audience.
	Oh.
	Yeah.
	Because I don't have a country audience.
	I'm not a country guy.
	Oh.
	But, yeah, it's funny you would think that, though.
	Well, I don't know what's country.
	Just like you're from, aren't you from there?
	I'm from Louisiana.
	Yeah.
	But, yeah, but I don't sell.
	It's like, I do great there, you know, but I don't, it's not like my biggest markets.
	Yeah, and it never has been really.
	But yeah, I don't know.
	I just felt like that was such an insight.
	Like, you're really doing your job.
	Like, what the fuck are you talking about?
	What do you, I don't know.
	And I don't know why I'm bringing that up right now.
	I guess because we were like talking about that kind of stuff.
	Yeah.
	But it just blew.
	I was like, what?
	Like, you can't control who comes out there.
	Yeah.
	You know?
	And you work so hard to get anybody to come out there that you are grateful.
	I'm grateful for those people.
	I don't care what fucking colour.
	I don't care if they have no heads or arms.
	Yeah.
	If they have a heart that cares and wants to be there, then I'm grateful for that.
	Yeah.
	You would love a limbless.
	You'd love them to be wheeled into your show.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I mean, it would be fine.
	But yeah, I just thought that mindset that like now, I wonder if that's a mindset that some comedians feel now that like, man, now I have to get this perfectly diverse audience.
	You know?
	I don't know.
	I don't think about that shit.
	I just try to be a good person.
	I'm for diversity, but you know, I just do what I can do.
	And there's so much you can't control.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I don't know.
	I mean, I don't really know a lot of people that aren't for diversity, I guess.
	That's good.
	Yeah.
	I mean, it's kind of inevitable.
	You know, you can't even really be race anymore because everybody's so mixed now.
	You know, it's like fucking almost impossible.
	You almost have to have like a real chart if you're really going to be racist.
	Like you got to really fucking do some homework, you know?
	Yeah.
	I feel like anyway.
	So what other stuff have you tried outside of breathwork?
	I really did a lot.
	Have you?
	Like, so like quarantine.
	And I've always been like this.
	I was like this since I was a little kid.
	I was raised Catholic, but like my parents, when I would ask them about God, they'd just like change the subject.
	But it's like an Italian thing.
	It's just like culturally Catholic because my dad's like full Italian.
	Okay.
	But I was like, I would think deeply about all of it, like really seriously.
	And I always was like reading and I just love learning.
	And so, you know, I've been in therapy for a long time.
	And when quarantine hit, I was like, oh, and now I can't do stand-up.
	Like I have this time.
	And I just started taking like all these weirdo online courses.
	I did, I took breath work and like.
	So you took it online through Zoom.
	Yeah, I was taking breathwork classes for the first time and I just couldn't believe it.
	It was amazing.
	Because, you know, I was reading those books that are saying like trauma stored in your body, in like your physical body and your tissues and everything.
	Did you believe that when you heard it at first?
	Yeah.
	I mean, there's like a lot of research about it.
	And, you know, if you had any abuse or anything, it's in there, like beyond your conscious mind.
	And then like, I took Reiki certification.
	Wow.
	Yeah.
	I just was like, and I just do all this stuff for fun.
	Oh, it's fascinating.
	Yeah.
	Like, I like learning about it and I take a little from each thing.
	I don't like, I don't treat anything as dogma.
	Yeah.
	And then I took TM meditation certification.
	Yeah.
	And then I did ayahuasca.
	Oh, wow.
	Yeah.
	So I want to go through a little bit of that.
	So what do you say you said?
	Breath work.
	Breath work.
	And you got certified to teach it?
	Yeah.
	Wow.
	I took two levels of courses.
	The first one is just to teach one-on-one.
	And then the second level is to teach like group classes.
	And how long does that certification and stuff take?
	It's a certain, I don't know, it's like how many hours would it have been?
	Probably like 16 hours per level.
	You do like, it was online.
	Dang.
	Yeah.
	And are you like practicing your neighbors and shit?
	Like, what do you, how do you, is there?
	Well, I wasn't going to teach it.
	It was never, I was never going to teach it.
	You were just learning it to learn it.
	I was just like interested.
	Yeah.
	And, you know, I wasn't on the road.
	I wasn't doing anything.
	And it was just fun.
	And, and then like nine months after I took it, like some of my friends were like, people are all really fucked up around us.
	Like you should just do an online one.
	And I was like, no, that's weird.
	Especially like, you know, comedy and stuff.
	Like it was be like a vulnerable thing to be like, take my rap work class.
	Yeah.
	But yeah, I like made an online thing and a bunch of people came and they really liked it.
	And then I've done like two since and I'm doing another one.
	I haven't done one since June, but I'm doing one on Tuesday.
	Yeah.
	You haven't done one of your own, you mean?
	No, I haven't had a virtual class or like that people.
	She'll do a virtual.
	Oh, and anybody can go.
	Yeah.
	So is it the same like the lesson that you gave me?
	Yeah, it's less personalized.
	Yeah, I can't personalize it for like a big group.
	Right.
	Like when we do a session, you know, I think Brittany is the one that told you you're yeah, Brittany Hunter?
	No, Brittany Smith.
	Brittany Schmidt.
	I'm sorry.
	Brittany Hunter went to my high school.
	She was a great woman.
	I don't know.
	I don't know.
	I think she's still alive.
	I don't know.
	But I think she went to my high school.
	I don't even know, actually.
	I remember like one person from high school.
	So I don't know.
	I think, yeah.
	Wow.
	You just don't, you were not a fan.
	Did you thrive in high school?
	I did.
	Everything was going great until something bad happened.
	Oh, in high school?
	Yeah.
	Oh.
	But like, yeah.
	I did thrive.
	You did?
	Yeah.
	How do you feel like you thrived?
	Like, were you funny then?
	I was funny.
	Like, I was a surfer.
	I was like, like, star volleyball player.
	Went to UCLA.
	You went to UCLA?
	For volleyball.
	Oh, wow, really?
	Yeah.
	Oh, dang.
	Yeah.
	Dude, what a babe, huh?
	It was...
	So high school was good, but some shit did go down that really was tough.
	Was it...
	You had a coach that was abusive?
	Yeah.
	I'm sorry to hear that.
	Oh, it's okay.
	Thank you.
	Is that one of the things that made you want to do, like seek out some of these other things?
	Yeah.
	And like, you know, I'd worked my whole life.
	I was like junior national team, all this stuff, like volleyball.
	And this is in college?
	Yeah.
	And then like, it was just kind of I mentally wasn't like, it just wasn't great for me because everything that happened and stuff.
	And I quit like two years in.
	So you had an abusive experience with a coach?
	Yeah.
	And sorry, I don't know how to ask him about that.
	No, that's okay.
	You're doing great.
	Yeah, I'm curious.
	It's process.
	It's not like, yeah.
	Okay, so you had, so you were in high school when this happened?
	Yeah.
	Wow.
	Yeah.
	And it was a coach of yours?
	Yeah.
	And was there charges?
	Can I ask you what happened?
	I mean, it was like a sexual abuse thing.
	And like, there was, I've talked about it on podcasts.
	And I'm trying to be brave because I get nervous asking about certain stuff.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	So for me, I'm not trying to, like, I don't want you to be uncomfortable.
	No, no, I'll only go as far as I want to go.
	Okay.
	And I don't want you to feel like I expect you to talk about that.
	No, no.
	But I think it, if it's, I do think it's interesting if what our traumas are or why, you know, because that breath class, the first one I took from you fucking blew my mind.
	Like I'm on the phone with my brother.
	I can't even talk because I'm crying, you know, and he thinks just something's wrong with the connection.
	And I'm like, fucking something's wrong with every connection in my life.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.
	And like these things impact us like subconsciously for a long time.
	And I was in therapy and, you know, therapy is great.
	And I got to a place where I could, you know, talk about it totally comfortably.
	And was it a relationship that you had with a coach?
	Yeah.
	I mean, there was, like, I found out there was like many other people besides me, but unfortunately.
	But yeah, it really was just so disorienting and like a really developmental, like sensitive time of my life.
	Wow.
	And especially like this thing where I sort of felt like I had to choose between saying something or like ruining my, which sadly I still think was the right choice.
	Because I was like, I'm not fucking up my dream of playing division volleyball at my Division I volleyball at my dream school, you know?
	Yeah.
	So I didn't say any, I didn't say shit.
	And then, yeah, just I sort of started processing it when I was older.
	I ended up doing, talking about it and stand-up like, like sort of before the pandemic.
	And I was never like one of those people that was like, I have to be confessional comedy or whatever.
	I was like, I would only talk about this if it was not for any sort of like processing trauma, but because it was really fucking funny.
	And so I did that.
	And that was really cool, but also really, it wore on me a lot more than I thought it would be.
	I could only, I only did it for like.
	It was war on you.
	Yeah, because it was so different.
	Like I, I talked about it.
	I thought like I talked about it so much that it's like, I feel great.
	Talking about it on stage every night took so much out of me physically.
	And also before I got it like good, you know, bombing.
	Right.
	That shit was.
	Trauma bombing?
	Nothing sadder.
	Yeah, no, it's nothing more painful.
	No, I just got molested again.
	But yeah.
	And then I put that set out.
	By silence.
	Yeah.
	I was like, you guys are injuring me right now.
	But yeah, like I'm really proud of that set.
	Like I think it's like one of the funniest things I've ever done.
	Wow.
	Yeah.
	What would you do if you didn't have high interest loans or credit card debt?
	What would you do?
	If you didn't have a high interest rate mortgage, you didn't have credit card debt, what would you do?
	Go to Guam, maybe?
	Go to Bahrain.
	Go to Ohio.
	Take a trip somewhere.
	Do something.
	Well, if you dread looking at your credit card statements, then you're just like me and just like millions of others.
	But Upstart can help you on your path to financial freedom.
	Upstart is the fast and easy way to pay off your debt with a personal loan all online.
	Yep.
	You can check your rate without impacting your credit score in minutes for loans between $1,000 to $50,000.
	Dear God, they've got so many amounts.
	You can receive funds as fast as one business day after accepting your loan.
	Find out how Upstart can lower your monthly payments today when you go to upstart.com slash Theo.
	That's upstart.com slash T-H-E-O.
	Don't forget to use our URL to let them know that we sent you.
	We sent you.
	Loan amounts will be determined based on your credit income and certain other information provided in your loan application, upstart.com slash Theo.
	You know, if you don't change things up, they get stale.
	They get, um, they get real.
	If you don't change things up, they get the same.
	And the same is not exciting after a while, but the same can be boring, especially when it comes to fitness.
	If you do one exercise forever, you do calf raises, and you don't do anything else, you'll probably die.
	But you'll have strong, strong legs, bottom legs.
	Peloton is stepping in to the new change when it comes to fitness.
	They're doing new things, new offerings added to their lineup.
	They've got boxing now.
	That's right.
	Discover a fast, furious, fun workout with Peloton instructors in your corner.
	They've got new artist series of music.
	You listen to new music, you like it.
	You listen to some Adele.
	You listen to some damn accounting crows, some young MA.
	Listen to it all.
	Whoever else you like.
	Willie Nelson.
	From pop and rock to hip-hop, they've got all types of new stations you can listen to, specifically on their platform.
	More daily workout variety.
	A workout for every goal, day, and mood.
	You got 10 minutes, they got 10 minutes.
	You got a half hour, they can help you.
	You want yoga, you want to do abs, they can help.
	Bike workout, meditation, dance, cardio, it's all on there.
	For a limited time, only try the Peloton app, free for two months, then $12.99 a month after.
	New members only visit onepeloton.com slash app to learn more.
	That's two months free at O-N-E-P-E-L-O-T-O-N.com.
	Offer expires.
	131.22.
	Terms apply.
	So when all that, so that you quit volleyball at the time because it was just all of it was too much?
	No, I wouldn't say it was because of that.
	Like I wouldn't, it was just like it was, it had been so much that it was just, I was overwhelmed.
	Wow.
	Like, cause I wasn't mentally, and obviously I didn't have any support.
	I hadn't told anyone, you know, whatever it was.
	Yeah, it was just really crazy experience.
	And how much of that, when you look back on it now, and if it's not a fair thing to ask or something, just let me know because I don't really know sometimes.
	But how much are you able to try and examine the psyche of whatever that person that like, you know, the abuser was?
	Like, are you able to like try and not obviously understand where they're coming from, but see, like, you know, because now you seem pretty in tune with like feelings and why people do stuff.
	Maybe I'm sure you've had a lot of, you know, a lot of gone through a lot of your own stuff with that.
	Are you able to like, I don't know what I guess I'm able to do.
	Am I able to forgive this person?
	Yeah, like, how do you find some footing to be able to forgive somebody?
	Because that would be fucking hard, I feel.
	I don't think, yeah, I mean, I've really had a whole process of that.
	I don't think obviously it's not a well person.
	It's like they're mentally sick.
	You know, a kid.
	Like, when I see like a 16-year-old now, I'm like, that's a baby.
	Right.
	And so you are not well if you are some kind of data baby.
	Yeah, if you're a child.
	Yeah, but I just see it as a sick person.
	And, you know, I had to, it's painful and all this stuff.
	But yeah, it's just like, I have to move forward and enjoy my life.
	Like, you do have to look directly at these things to get through them.
	But yeah, I want to have a good life.
	I'll say it's like I do have like commitment issues that I'm working through at this point in my life.
	Yeah.
	I bet.
	It's just like.
	I mean, yeah, you don't realize the side effects of like, I think sometimes we don't even realize the side effects of certain things, like all the little things that it can go into, you know?
	Yeah, like I'll have these like nice men try to get close to me and I'm just like, I don't know, but I'm working through it.
	Yeah.
	That's crazy.
	It reminds me of like, it just makes me think of when I was growing up, they had like coaches that would get in trouble for date.
	Yeah, like there was a lot of that.
	I mean, there's so much bullshit that goes on now.
	There's so much pain in the world.
	There really is.
	And it's like, there really, really is.
	And like, I want to be each person that heals themselves and gets well, it has a ripple effect.
	Yeah.
	And is able to be more kind to the people around them and to make the world better and less full of pain.
	Yeah.
	And like, I want to be, have children and I want to be really solid.
	And yeah.
	Right.
	Yeah, it's hard.
	It's hard to do that.
	I struggle a lot with that commitment stuff, man.
	It's so fucking hard for me.
	Like, my whole life, it's always been hard for me to like say, like, this is my girlfriend.
	Like, I know, there's nothing makes me cringe more than saying, like, that I'm attached to anybody.
	Is it because it limits your options?
	No, I don't think that that's it.
	I think it's like some, I mean, I'm sure there's been times where obviously maybe I didn't want to be in a relationship or something.
	But I think for me, when I was young, like the only thing I felt like I had was the way you saw me.
	Like I was always like hyper managing like my like I hated where we lived.
	I hated our financial status.
	I didn't like our family.
	We had no family set up.
	All these things that I had no control over that fucking made just were like made me so angry or uncomfortable.
	And then the only thing I could control was how you saw me, like when you saw me, how you saw me.
	So it was like I was constantly trying to manage this image of like I would take different buses to different neighborhoods and then fucking walk them, just weird shit.
	But then I always like was, I think it was like, well, if I have somebody else attached to me and they do something weird or uncomfortable or whatever, then that's going to be a reflection of how you see me.
	It was just too much of a liability.
	It was, it's, cause it's all an outward focus.
	Right.
	Like I'm concerned with what people.
	Yeah.
	I get that.
	Like I think that's something that's so natural, especially as like teenagers and that whole time period.
	And then as you get older, that's something I'm really focusing on.
	We've talked about it in breathwork, but like I really want to not look outward.
	And that's, I stopped.
	I really have been negotiating my relationship with Instagram too, because I feel that's all looking outward.
	I'll black out and like lose an hour just like watching fucking Instagram stories.
	And I'm like, this is hell.
	This is, um, this is not like an intentional thing.
	I don't want to know what these people are fucking doing.
	This is literally hell on earth.
	I'm afraid of being on my fucking deathbed and being like, I didn't live life.
	I was just looking at Instagram stories.
	You know what I mean?
	And so I'm, I, and like now also, I'm really trying to think about like, especially it is hard when we do this thing where you are really putting yourself out there to be seen.
	And that can be difficult.
	It's hard to be vulnerable in like a public life like this.
	And so in my mind, one thing I'm working on is just maintaining my energy no matter who I'm around.
	Like nobody is above me and nobody is below me, whoever they are.
	Yeah.
	So that I'm not like outside myself.
	Oh, I see what you're saying.
	So it keeps everything in this ground where it's all like, it's going to be the same no matter what.
	So that's a lot more manageable.
	I'm not trying to impress anyone and I'm not trying to look down on anyone.
	Right.
	That's like the state that I'm trying to be.
	Damn, girl, that's a real tightrope.
	Yeah.
	I mean, it's good.
	No, it's a great, I love it.
	Now I'll be around like really big fucking people and they're just a person.
	Yeah.
	And I'm also around people like I don't want, I want to be regular with them.
	I want to treat that person.
	That's like, but like not wherever I am.
	The exact fucking same.
	Yeah.
	Sometimes it's hard, dude.
	They had this guy in like in a park next to our place out here, and he was like playing this drum all night.
	He does not a drummer, right?
	So that's a real, that was a lot, you know.
	Expressing himself.
	Yeah.
	Kind of, but kind of like not during business hours, you know?
	So sometimes it's hard, man, to just want to treat everybody well and not fucking throw limes at that guy.
	Oh, yeah.
	I know.
	Well, now I'll be like aware of my impatience because you might be a highly sensitive person, which is 20% of the population.
	Is it really?
	I identify, unfortunately, to my humiliation as one of those people.
	I don't want to be a highly fucking sensitive person.
	Most of this audience is probably highly sensitive.
	That's my audience, actually.
	It's like, no, I mean highly sensitive to environment, noise, you know, heat, scent, like all sorts of things.
	Like I really am that.
	And it doesn't, it'll come up and I'm like, I'm going to fucking kill this person.
	But then I'm like, no, no, relax.
	How can you surrender?
	How can you just allow this reality to be since you have no control of it anyways?
	Yeah, that's true.
	But sometimes you got to fucking put the hammer down.
	It's impossible sometimes not to put the fucking hammer down.
	Yeah.
	You know?
	Yeah.
	It's hectic.
	It's an interesting, it's interesting these days.
	I feel like serenity is definitely feels like more of a commodity.
	You know, we're so in, everything is so inundated.
	And when you get, like, especially you get on social media, you get on your phone, I really feel like I fall into a warp.
	Hypnotized.
	Yes.
	And because I will literally come out of it.
	And I'll tell people, I'll be like, I'm back.
	I'll say that.
	I found myself saying that.
	Like, I've just gone somewhere.
	I've started deleting it off my phone during the day.
	Oh, wow.
	Because I just think it's a nightmare.
	Well, Instagram's whatever.
	TikTok's the fucking hard one, though.
	I don't know how to sell.
	Oh.
	I'm not pulling anything.
	TikTok is good, though.
	But that's the problem, though.
	They fine-tuned it and made it honestly.
	I don't want to enjoy them.
	Well, no, they just made it pretty good.
	Like, TikTok, I'm watching, like, a couple of fucking, you know, you can watch somebody do knitting.
	You can watch like just quiet Asians, dude.
	It's like total.
	You're just watching Asian people be quiet.
	Like, you can, there's so many things.
	It's just like you can watch somebody doing a cake.
	You can watch somebody just turning the pages of a book.
	Yeah.
	Like, it's definitely like they fucking, they went all out.
	I just want less altogether.
	Like, I want to just become a movie star already so that I can move to fucking Montana and fly in for my role and then go back out away from everyone.
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I like that maybe.
	I don't know.
	You think you would like it out there on like a ranch or something?
	Yes, I fucking would.
	You do?
	Yeah, I don't.
	I just want to, like, I, maybe I'm getting old.
	I just like love the quiet.
	Like, I need to keep up with all this shit.
	I don't care.
	I don't want to, I don't need to see you cooking eggs.
	But will you not have the ability then to draw from stuff?
	I mean, I know that's kind of like a, will you not have the ability to draw from stuff?
	No, I have more because like I hike almost every day.
	Like, no, I'm trying to be a nature.
	Like a nature comic?
	Yeah, I'm a nature comic.
	No, I just get like when my mind is still like it was when I was a kid and I didn't have phones or anything and I would daydream or think up makeup worlds and all this imagination and shit.
	Like that's when shit comes to me.
	Like jokes always come to me when I'm in the shower.
	I'm getting a massage.
	I'm outside away from a screen is when there's space for things to come into my head.
	Yeah.
	And I get, I can be like think of silly things or think of like weird perspectives.
	Do you a lot of rich people are going to outer space, you know it?
	Yeah, I've heard.
	And do you think that do you think that that's fair?
	I try not to think about what's fair and not fair.
	I feel like that, I mean, I do in some ways, trust me, I want things to be like equitable for all people.
	I mean, like, I don't know why that whole thing is happening.
	They could redirect that money to things that need it.
	Yeah.
	But also, I mean, what do I, I have no control over it.
	I don't fucking care.
	But do you think, because some people think there's like rich people are meeting up in space, or like there's like another place that they're all that's fucking insane.
	I mean, that's crazy.
	I have not heard.
	We're all at like Walmart and they're at like a Chick-fil-A in the sky, you know?
	Wow, yeah.
	No, I have not considered a Chick-fil-A in the sky yet.
	Because it seems like that a little, you know?
	It seems like they're all going up there and yeah, just look, you know, like conspiracy theorists?
	I'm not, I mean, I probably am somewhat.
	I think, I think certainly a lot more levels of like people wondering what's going on, you know?
	I think as you start to see like a lot of like, as we get further away from like any type of faith and religion or any, like a lot of people do not have a real strong sense of faith, I don't think these days.
	So I think when you get like out there like that, then you start to, people look at conspiracies more.
	They want, they're looking for something.
	People are always looking for something to believe in, I feel like a reason, they want an answer.
	Do you have faith?
	Yeah.
	Like, you know, Judeo-Christian God or what?
	Yeah.
	I mean, I believe in God.
	I believe in a higher power.
	And for me, I use God as that, is the sidewalk for that for me.
	So I think different people use different things, you know?
	Yeah.
	I mean, I've tried on many different things.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	But now I just think of God as like divine loving intelligence, like completely divorced of all religion, though.
	Religion, I don't know, at this point doesn't really seem like it for me.
	Like when I think of the Catholic shit, I'm just like, that's fucking insane.
	Like, how are these fucks not arrested ever?
	Yeah.
	Like, what do you mean?
	Like, for what?
	Like, the Catholic rape thing.
	I went to Catholic school.
	There was a priest at every school I went to was transferred.
	Oh, yeah.
	And then I saw, like, I saw a headline the other day that France, just France, has had like 350,000 abused kids.
	Well, imagine being romantically molested.
	But I'm like, that's fucking insane.
	How that a religion is fully protected globally where it's basically legal sex abuse.
	Yeah.
	That's crazy.
	That's totally crazy.
	Well, it's also, I mean, it's like, and then also that they don't pay taxes.
	It's crazy that none of these things are like charged.
	There's like, it's unbelievable.
	And especially when it's like people need, they want some reason.
	They want some, you know, a lot of people want a church.
	They also brought up in churches, so it's like a comfortable place.
	You know, one of the things I love about churches, like you go and you see like kids are playing together.
	It's fun.
	It's like a fun place.
	Families get together.
	Yeah, it's a family-oriented thing.
	That's the thing I love about it.
	That's one thing to me that's really nice.
	There's a lot of really good things.
	But it's crazy why they cover these guys up.
	Why they like...
	No, why don't they send...
	To Australia.
	And they said we're...
	They said, we are cleaning out our institution.
	But they're not cleaning up.
	And then you would be like, oh, bravo.
	You know, like, but Hollywood could do the same thing.
	Hollywood's just a fucking crit.
	It's a fucking crit.
	It's definitely a religion.
	Yeah, our co-workers are amongst them.
	It's great.
	I love saying hello to them all the time.
	Hello at my place of work.
	It's really good.
	Do you think it brings...
	100%.
	It is humanity.
	And look, even the best person on earth has done horrible things.
	Yeah, John Legend.
	The best person on earth.
	And like.
	And that was a joke, but yeah.
	I mean, everybody's a piece of shit.
	You can't not.
	It's not a piece of shit.
	It's just like.
	But everybody has shit on them.
	Of course.
	Everybody has shit on their shoes and some people in their shoes.
	Yeah.
	It's really confusing.
	And like, I try one of the things I'm really working on is like not taking things personally.
	Yeah.
	Just trying that on.
	And it's hard.
	But it's like, as I'm setting this intention, I'm seeing it more clearly that like when someone does something to piss me off, they're not even thinking about me.
	They're fully viewing it through their own fucked up lens or whatever pain they're going through.
	You know what I mean?
	Right.
	Yeah.
	Right.
	And we've also gotten so in our own world that that's the only lens we even have anymore.
	So you're not even looking at things as a two-way street.
	I noticed a few years ago when the elevator would open, people would get in.
	It used to always be.
	Yeah.
	It was always people got out first.
	You wait.
	It was just a natural thing.
	And then now people get in.
	Yeah.
	As it's like, it's all kind of, I don't know.
	It's hard to know if it's, it's hard to know if how much of what we are like suffering from or will suffer from if it's like side effects of like society or if it's just like this this flaw inside of us.
	I don't know.
	It's all of it.
	It's not a flaw.
	I would encourage you to think of it differently.
	What I like, you know the guy I learned breath arc row?
	He defined healing as just what I love about it is because it takes all the pathology away.
	And just healing is just like giving love to The places that hurt, you know, instead of like broken illness, like all these like things that we think are flaws or brokenness or like make us unlovable.
	And that is something I love about breathwork because it's so pure.
	It's just something giving your God-given, like natural structure, putting it to use and remembering the divinity of who you are.
	Yeah.
	It's a lot.
	Do you think that like, but if we didn't have like flaw, if we didn't, do you think we ever get to a place where it's all evened out or it's just always this constant?
	No, because that would be perfection.
	And perfection doesn't exist.
	And like trying for that is pain.
	Like, you know, when you get into a like, of course you want to be stable and you want to be feeling good a majority of the time.
	But I think the definition of mental health is being able to feel the full spectrum of emotions in a healthy way.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I would say that that's probably sounds pretty fair to me.
	I would like that.
	Yeah.
	But like when we like when I think then you get into spiritual bypassing, which is like toxic positivity, which isn't like actually addressing how you feel or whatever as some way of like enlightenment.
	And the fact is we're just all human, you know?
	Yeah, I thought being human would be easier kind of.
	No.
	No, because everyone's dealt like whatever cards are dealt.
	And I think it's just like our cosmic lessons on earth.
	Yeah, I think for some reason I felt like it would be easier.
	I feel like it looks pretty good from where I'm sitting.
	Oh, thank you.
	I did wash my hair two days ago.
	I meant your life.
	Oh, yeah, no, my life is, yeah, I think it doesn't matter.
	It's always like what you are.
	Yeah, I don't know.
	I felt like I always felt like if I got to a certain level of like doing well in my job or maybe then I would then everything would be okay.
	I think I had this preconceived notion in my head that like all these other things that I worry about or feel or these discomforts will disappear.
	So when I started to have some success and that didn't happen, I think I was like kind of like, there was a part of me I didn't even know this motor was running that expected this.
	Yeah.
	You know, and it was like, oh, you're still just, you know, with your weights.
	I think that's completely natural thought.
	Like we're all looking for something to save us, whether it's like success, love, whatever it is.
	Yeah, Botox, orthotics.
	Yeah, but I think like wealth and money and success really just brings out even more of what is already there.
	Yeah.
	I'm sure it makes a lot of other things easier.
	Well, Mark Norman said it best about having a little bit of money.
	Here's what it makes easier.
	If you are cold or something and you're at like a gas station or something, you don't have to like, you don't have to look at the price of the sweet.
	You're like, okay, I just can get this sweatshirt.
	You know, like little things like that are kind of nicer.
	Like, do I need like, how much is this lunch?
	It's like, it saves you a little bit of time and having to look at some price tags.
	If it's something big, like a car or something, you're going to look.
	But like for rent, you know, it's like that kind of stuff is a little bit nice.
	You don't have to think about the cost of like, you know, really a meal maybe or something, you know?
	Yeah.
	Those things are kind of a little bit nice to have to have happen maybe.
	So take me.
	So I tried ketamine therapy.
	It was one thing that I tried like in the past seven months, maybe.
	How many times did you do it?
	I did six times.
	So it was six sessions.
	Cool.
	You sit with a therapist in a room.
	Yeah.
	And they fill you up and then you, you know, are talking with this therapist, this psychiatrist the whole time.
	Yeah.
	So you're kind of going through things and like sharing.
	And I found that that was really interesting.
	I felt maybe for like trauma, like one specific trauma or something.
	Did you go deep in that?
	Sometimes I was off the wall.
	I mean, I was like in another echelon.
	Did you find it helpful?
	I found it helpful.
	Some, I got to have some moments like I got to spend time with my dad for like about 45 seconds, which was pretty cool.
	Yeah, that's really cool.
	Yeah, just to let him know that I loved him.
	I felt like he never knew maybe.
	Wow.
	And it felt real.
	Like it felt as real as this sitting here talking to you.
	Yeah, that's really beautiful.
	So to have something like that happen where it's like, I got to see my mom when she was a little kid, which was pretty powerful, I felt like.
	You know.
	Do they do like inner child work?
	I don't know.
	The dude had a big beard I know that was running it.
	So I'm sure he's fucking definitely done some things, man.
	This dude, he had one of those crazy fucking, you know.
	No, no, inner child, did you work with your inner child?
	No, no, no.
	We didn't see him.
	We was more just doing like regular.
	I feel like that's like a big direction that people are going in with therapy and healing is just like going back to your inner child.
	Yeah.
	Because they say like your entire subconscious blueprint for the rest of your life is developed from zero to seven years old.
	Wow.
	So whatever goes down then is really like your whole framework, which is so crazy because it's completely out of our control.
	Yeah.
	So.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I went to this other place called PCS for a week and it's like this guy Bobby Lee, this comedian recommended to me.
	Do you know who that is?
	So, and he's, I think, Vietnamese or something, but he recommended it to me.
	And he, that place is all about your inner child.
	Like, you got to go to Build-A-Bear and get, like, a little child.
	Yeah.
	So you're in there with like a bunch of people.
	Yeah, it's really, I've done shit like that.
	It's so dicey.
	We're in there.
	There's like a bunch of fucking, oh, yeah.
	Oh, my God.
	There's like a bunch of grown men in Build-A-Bear.
	And there's like a bunch of kids in there.
	There's like a kids party.
	And we're fucking putting dresses and like, oh, yeah, this one will look good in a baseball outfit.
	Oh, my God.
	So then you're leaving the mall with your bears.
	Like, oh.
	And you're like, it's heartbreaking.
	Yeah.
	It is heartbreaking.
	Wait, did you get it?
	And then somebody's like, oh, you're my favorite comedian.
	You're fucking.
	Oh, my God.
	You're buying a bear, dude, and the lady putting the stuffing in there.
	The one lady, her fucking gum, I remember fell on the stuffing thing.
	And she's like, just a nightmare in there.
	Just a real, but it was kind of like how God does it.
	It was like, you know, you got all this cotton and you're just fucking stuffing it into these bears, dude.
	And you're just sending them out the door.
	And sometimes there's some bad knitting.
	Yeah, no shit.
	Did you get a lot out of it or no?
	It was pretty fast.
	Some of it I did.
	Some EMDR.
	I noticed I would be real judgmental going into some of the sessions.
	Like, just like, you know, judgment is like something that keeps me, it's a preventative thing to keep me from connection.
	So I'm going to have to have some feelings or something.
	So there was stuff like that.
	It was kind of exhausting.
	Some of the therapies, it was like some group stuff I didn't like, but there was some stuff I really did like.
	Yeah, I find like that group stuff.
	I mean, now I've worked on it and stuff, but like at first I was like, no fucking way.
	I was like, I'm not talking about anything like in a group or in front of people, which is so weird because I've been doing comedy.
	Like I speak publicly in front of crowds all the time.
	But like when it was about serious shit, like no.
	It took me a long time.
	But that ended up being like the most healing thing for me.
	Doing group therapy?
	It wasn't group therapy.
	It's 12 steps.
	But I don't want to say which one.
	Right.
	So like recovery.
	Yeah, recovery.
	Yeah, recovery, I feel like is the best overall solution that I've found, honestly.
	Do you feel that way or no?
	Totally.
	And it ended up being because the community, because like, you know, where I grew up, it's just no one talks about mental health.
	No one talks about anything.
	Like never heard any, no one talks about their problems.
	Like it's very buttoned up.
	And that's the way my family was too.
	And I'm just the total opposite.
	Like I'm very sensitive.
	I feel a lot of things.
	I'm interested in a lot of things.
	Like I want to talk about things.
	And so when I got to recovery, like, and I, I remember I first saw people I knew because it's LA and there's like a lot of people and entertainment in there, of course.
	And I was like, I was trying to hide from them.
	Like it didn't cross my mind that they're there too.
	I was just like, oh no, they're seeing me here.
	You know?
	Yeah, I even think that way on Zoom meetings sometimes.
	Yeah.
	I was on one yesterday.
	I didn't want to show my face because I'm like, totally.
	You don't want to be, you don't want to be like known in this private way.
	So I didn't talk like the first couple of years.
	But then when I started talking is like when I experienced a lot of progression.
	And how was the ayahuasca?
	Tell me about that experience.
	Take me through that.
	It was really cool.
	I'd wanted to do it forever.
	I'm just like curious.
	Ron White did it too recently.
	Oh, really?
	Yeah.
	He did it at a damn best western in outside, I want to say near Houston.
	Yeah.
	Nobody tell my parents I did ayahuasca.
	They really wouldn't like that.
	But after I got vaccinated, I did it.
	I knew I was going to go back on the road.
	And then I was like, what if I like fall in love and like get married?
	And I probably, and have children.
	I'm not going to be able to be a mom that goes and does DMT.
	Right.
	You got to do it now.
	Yeah, I got to do it now.
	So I just saw like a window and it was really, the window came actually.
	Everyone had always said like, don't do it in LA.
	It's like sketchy white people, whatever.
	I'd always wanted to go to the Amazon, but I was like, I was like, go to Memphis and do it, dude.
	That's, I'm sure, a real dicey dose.
	Yeah.
	Okay, go on.
	So I found like, I had found like a tangible, someone had had a great experience.
	And so I just went, I went by myself, which the day of when I was like driving to this sketchy ass property, I was like, this might be a bad idea.
	Was it off of Melrose?
	No, it was like an hour outside of LA in a tiny farming town.
	And I was like driving up to this like desolate property.
	And I was like, this is a bad idea.
	But I text my friend.
	I was like three of my friends.
	I was like, here's the address.
	Check in at this time.
	And immediately like their guardians, the men, when they said hello, they hugged you.
	And I was like, I don't like this.
	Yeah.
	I do not like the forced over familiarity.
	Like, I don't want you to hug me.
	Two arm hug or one arm hug?
	Oh, yeah.
	Like, hello.
	From a man where they're wearing jewelry?
	There was some jewelry for sure.
	But it ended up.
	I was like, I could.
	If somebody with two arms and jewelry hugs you, dude, I'm calling the cops.
	Yeah, but I was like, I guess I'm in.
	Like, I did the whole thing.
	And it was just you by yourself?
	It was me by myself.
	Oh, dude.
	How?
	No, there was a huge group of people, but I didn't know anyone.
	I never met them.
	Because I would feel like if you'd gone through like sexual trauma and then you roll up to three dudes at a damn ranch.
	Oh, no.
	I would have sprint.
	I would sprint out of there.
	You just rolled through just hitting a volleyball around.
	You're like this.
	Yeah.
	Hey, what's up?
	Here for round two.
	No, but I. Sorry, I interrupted your story.
	No, it's okay.
	But it ended up being really, really cool.
	I had, you have to prepare so much, like, you can't drink, smoke, like, I don't smoke, but you can't, like, meat, caffeine, all these things, like before.
	So there's, like, a whole large preparation.
	And then I listened to podcasts and documentaries, and basically they're all like, like Aubrey Marcus and stuff.
	And they're all said, like, you're going to go to the darkest fucking place.
	You're going to experience terror.
	But then on the other side, you'll feel great.
	And so I went in there like, I was just like, it's just going to take me and I'm going to go and I'm just going to hold on.
	Whatever.
	I black on.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I was like, I can fucking do this.
	And that was like the full opposite experience I had.
	I was taken to like a pink marshmallow jungle.
	And like my message, because like, you know, my thing has been learning to feel safe in my body, was like that the universe is kind, which sounds like a really anticlimatic distillation, but and trite.
	But that's really like it went in me.
	Yeah, that's good.
	That's a cool, that's an amazing message to have in you, to have you in your fucking marrow after that.
	That's huge.
	Yeah, but they also said they'd never heard someone cry like that.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	And do you cry like on all fours?
	You cry standing up?
	Are you leaning against something?
	Like, what is the vibe in there?
	They're like, you have sort of like the, you're on the ground with like these padded chairs and they're playing, you know, the Ikaros.
	Like they're playing music the whole time and there's all these rituals and it's very sacred.
	Is the AC on or not?
	I don't, I think so.
	I'm not sure.
	I don't remember.
	But it was, it was really crazy.
	I, I done must, the drug I like is mushrooms.
	That's really the only drug I do.
	And I'd never seen visuals before.
	Like this, I didn't know your brain could even see those things.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	It sounds like DM, like something like DMT or something like that.
	It is DMT.
	That's what I'm saying.
	Oh, it is.
	Okay.
	But from the Amazon, but you know for breath work, you can have a psychedelic experience because we have a certain amount of DMT in our spinal fluid.
	Everyone does.
	So you can, through the alkalization of your blood, sometimes have, like, I've had full visuals during breath work before.
	Wow, really?
	Yeah.
	Or like weird memories pop in where you're like, I haven't thought about that in 20 years.
	Or just like a solution just like pops into like something and you're like, why didn't I think about that before?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, it is such a relief when you can kind of do something different with your brain.
	I feel like sometimes my brain gets tired of just being on the road, you know?
	I feel like your brain gets tired.
	The road is really exhausting and really hard on your body and spirit, especially if you're a really sensitive person to your environment.
	Yeah.
	I would believe that.
	You ain't ever done ayahuasca.
	I met a guy at a smoothie shop and Maui that gave me some, he was a shaman.
	Or he had, I mean, he had sandals on and he was out, you know, he was out.
	He was, he definitely had a buddy with like, he had a buddy who literally was like standing with armfuls of vitamins.
	And they gave me a bunch of vitamins and then the guy took me to like a, they was doing like child care, like even at their house.
	And I'm in there just like relaxing.
	They had me relaxed out and next thing you know, I'm out on the DMT.
	Oh, you did DNT?
	Yeah.
	And it was really, that really blew my mind.
	I can't even believe that that has ever even existed in the universe and then that can happen.
	Wow.
	I don't even know what taking DNT would.
	Probably be very similar to the ayahuasca experience, I bet.
	It's really hardcore.
	But what the purpose of it is, it's a tough thing.
	I don't really know exactly.
	I would, like, that made me realize, you know, I've done mushrooms and stuff, but I was like, this was like a really sacred thing.
	And I was like, I don't need to, in my lifetime, be fucking around with, like, drugs outside of like this very controlled, sacred environment.
	For me, I don't have any judgment to other people, but how long were you at the ayahuasca place?
	I was there for a weekend, and you take three cups a night, but most people don't get to the third cup.
	And each cup is a level one through 10, but it's completely arbitrary.
	Like a one could hit someone at a 10 and a 10 could just be like not a big deal for someone.
	So it's like, yeah, you really have to be open to whatever experience because you never, you have no idea what's going to happen.
	And do you like defecate yourself?
	Are people wearing diapers and stuff?
	Because I always heard a lot about like, yeah, you like purge.
	Are people vomiting and urinating and stuff?
	I did not shit my pants.
	Thank you, Jesus.
	But I did throw up both nights.
	It wasn't a big deal.
	Like, it was really fast.
	And then the guardians come clear the bucket really fast.
	I think some people do go to the bathroom.
	I don't think people shit themselves.
	The second night, I was like out of my body.
	It was like, it was so intense.
	And are you, are there other people around?
	Is it like a bunch of people?
	Yeah, they're all around you.
	You're in a literally.
	Yeah, they're like people were on both sides and they're like this.
	And they have all the women on one side and all the men on one side.
	And are people tickling each other and shit or having fun?
	Not to touch anyone.
	They like enforce everything so hard so that everyone's like safe.
	And are there referees?
	They got like roller.
	I'm getting like this vibe of like a roller skating rink where the guy is like, you know, there's some guy like.
	I know.
	It's not like that at all.
	Like they take it so seriously and there's people taking care of anyone that needs to be taken care of.
	But yeah, it's a whole experience.
	You have to prepare so much.
	It takes a lot out of you, like spiritually and physically.
	And yeah.
	Yeah.
	How's comedy going?
	Do you feel good about it?
	How long have you been doing it now?
	It's good.
	I just didn't know what else to ask about it.
	I've been doing it like a little over eight years.
	Oh, that's awesome.
	It's good.
	Like I'm, you know, booking stuff and starting to feel like I am on my way to success.
	I just did a movie.
	I'm on a new Comedy Central show.
	Things are going well.
	Yeah.
	That's exciting.
	It is because I don't want to be fucking broke.
	I want to be rich.
	Yeah.
	I mean, people want to be rich, man.
	I mean, but what a better joy.
	I mean, because I've been so experienced being broke for so long.
	And like, what a joy to have found a way to make money doing what you love.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I mean, it's such, it's such a gift.
	Like, I don't take it for granted at all.
	Like, any paycheck I get, it's just like a miracle Because I'm having so much fun and I could have just quit on myself so early on in some marketing job.
	Not that there's anything wrong with a marketing job, it just wasn't right for my wild soul.
	Right.
	Yeah.
	I wouldn't mind doing a little bit of marketing.
	I got a degree in urban planning.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	Whoa, what you fucking plan?
	We could do like neighborhoods and like if, say, if like a mailman's coming, like, you know, then we design like what route to take through the neighborhood.
	Wow.
	Yeah, kind of like Sims, actually.
	That's pretty good.
	Yeah.
	It's like Sims.
	Yeah, Theo Sims.
	Yeah.
	Maybe that'll be it.
	Maybe I'll start as Theo Sims game.
	But yeah, I was doing we do urban planning where to put the power lines, where to put the bike path.
	We do all that.
	How's comedy going for you?
	We do all that.
	It's going pretty good, I think.
	I'm doing a new tour right now, so I'm pretty excited about that.
	With Ari?
	Yep.
	Ari Manis is out there sometimes, most of the time, actually.
	Ari's a new friend of mine.
	Oh, he is?
	Yeah.
	Oh, yeah.
	He's good.
	He'll definitely be in.
	He'll be in recovery at some point.
	But until then, man, you know, he just sometimes hears me on these Zoom meetings.
	He's a wild dude.
	Oh, yeah.
	He's one of a kind.
	I mean, he is definitely something else.
	I did his podcast.
	Oh, you did?
	Oh, I hear.
	Now I see.
	Are he getting these guests first?
	That's cool.
	No, he's a sweetheart.
	I'm lucky to have, you know, I feel lucky when I'm around him.
	He makes things.
	He's so ridiculous.
	I mean, there's just the guys.
	There's so many things about him.
	Yeah, he's so wild, dude.
	Yeah, he's definitely a real snake owner.
	You know, he's definitely, and that's not a euphemism.
	The guy owns snakes.
	Ew.
	I didn't know that about him.
	Yeah.
	Ari, if you see this, that's fucking nasty.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, yeah.
	He knows it is.
	I think that's why he does it.
	All right.
	I'm praying for you, Ari.
	You need it.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	He does need it.
	Beler Saki, I appreciate it.
	Thanks for coming and chatting with me and hanging out.
	Yeah, for sure.
	It was really fun to talk to you outside of Breath Ork.
	I know it's crazy because we only talk to each other on Zoom.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, it's so crazy once you like, that's how you talk to someone on Zoom.
	Yeah, because I don't really know you, but I know one like specific little like intimate part.
	Right, that I like to breathe deep.
	Yeah.
	Here's what's a fascinating.
	If you've never done this, the lesson you give, I mean, I have to inhale and exhale for about 25 minutes.
	Like about 30. And it's really...
	It's really, really hard.
	And I was telling Colin that I experienced more resistance to doing it than working out.
	Like, I would rather work out than do it because it's so hard to get, to make yourself do that consistent rhythm for 30 minutes.
	Yeah.
	It's really hard.
	Yeah, I'm trying to think.
	So this is how I was doing it just so you, because I was like, do I need to speed it up or does it matter?
	No, you're supposed to go at your own pace.
	The way that I teach the class, I've told you this, but it starts out slow and gets faster.
	Okay, yeah.
	And then, you know, you do it.
	And then I do hear you say 5% more.
	Let's get 5% more, guys.
	And I'm like on a fucking Peloton.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	What's going on?
	Yeah.
	That doesn't mean faster or harder, but it's more into your stomach.
	And then, like, you experience the Shavasana portion where you just rest and like feel it, all the work you just did, like, coursing through your body.
	It's so cool.
	Oh, yeah.
	I feel it up in here.
	Yeah.
	I feel that shit ripping.
	Yeah.
	Or like if you have physical ailments, like it can be really cool for that.
	Oh, it feels like fucking a bunch of heavy monkeys are pulling on my veins, dude.
	Yeah.
	Shit feels intense.
	Yeah, it's wild.
	Awesome.
	Well, if you want to check it out with Blair, we'll put a link.
	Do you do that for people or are you kind of just in a safe world doing it for comedians that you want?
	Well, I'll randomly do like a virtual class, which I am doing this coming Tuesday, but I don't know if it'll be out by then.
	Okay, cool.
	But if not, they can follow you and they can figure out where to take your classes sometime.
	Yeah, if I do do one, I'll post about it.
	Okay, good.
	Yeah.
	Cool.
	Blair Saki, best of luck with comedy and stuff.
	It's so nice to meet you.
	Yeah, thank you.
	Thanks for having me.
	This is really fun.
	Now I'm just floating on the breeze And I feel I'm falling like these leaves I must be cornerstone Oh, but when I reach that ground I'll share this peace of mind I found I can feel it in my bones.
	But it's gonna take a little time for me to set that parking break and let myself online shine on me.
	I'll sit and tell you my stories Shine on me I will find a song I will sing it just for you.
	I will find a song I will sing it just for you.
	Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
	The answer may shock you.
	Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
	Sometimes I won't.
	And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
	You have three new voice messages.
	A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
	I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else.
	So great.
	Aye, Suiar.
	Here's a deal.
	Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.
	Jermaine.
	Hi, I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.
	Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
	Oh, no!
	Wow!
	I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.
	Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
	Second rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
	Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on YouTube, yeah?

▲