This Past Weekend - Theo Von - E376 Trevor Wallace

Jan. 19, 2022 - This Past Weekend - Theo Von

01:47:21

E376 Trevor Wallace

Trevor Wallace is an American comedian, writer, improvisor, and actor. Check Trevor out live on his new "Are You That Guy?" comedy tour. Ticket links and more at https://trevorwallacecomedy.com/ In this episode Theo and Trevor discuss narcs, high school lost loves, how Trevor would prove himself a leader after a plane crash, and their perspective on movies in today’s media climate. Find Trevor Wallace: https://www.instagram.com/trevorwallace/ ------------------------------------------------- Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://theovonstore.com Podcastville mugs and prints available now at https://theovon.pixels.com ------------------------------------------------- Support our Sponsors: Mint Mobile: https://mintmobile.com/THEO Get your new wireless plan for $15 per month. HOP WTR: https://hopwtr.com/ Use promo code THEO for 20% and free shipping. Babbel: https://www.babbel.com/ Use code THEO to get three months free when you purchase a three month Babbel subscription. Allbirds: https://www.allbirds.com/ Discover your perfect pair today. The Zebra: https://www.thezebra.com/THEO Save time and money in minutes. Get your free quote today. BlueChew: https://bluechew.com/ Use code THEO to receive your first month free. Liquid Death: https://liquiddeath.com ------------------------------------------------- Music: "Shine" - Bishop Gunn https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3A_coTcUek ------------------------------------------------- Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: tpwproducer@gmail.com Hit the Hotline: 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: http://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 525 Royal Pkwy PO Box 292634 Nashville, TN 37229 ------------------------------------------------- Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips ------------------------------------------------- Producer: Colin https://instagram.com/colin_reiner Producer: Jimmy https://www.instagram.com/jimmyrector/ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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	Grateful for them.
	Oh, I um man, it's nice to have some relief from the snow.
	It burnt my skin.
	I didn't know snow could burn your skin up, and it can, even though it's a cold feature, it can burn you.
	Anyway, today's guest is a young man out of California, and he is just hilarious.
	You know, he's very outgoing, vivacious.
	He makes a lot of beautiful material out there on Instagram, TikTok.
	He's the viral video.
	Are you that guy?
	That's his new tour.
	Are you that guy?
	And he'll talk about it.
	We'll talk about it.
	You know, he's a comedian.
	He's a, he's just a damn just energy man, you know, and he puts it out there in ways that people like to laugh at and with.
	And I'm one of those people.
	Today's guest is my friend, Mr. Trevor Wallace.
	And let myself on my eye.
	Shine that light on me.
	I'll sit and tell you my stories.
	Shine on me.
	And I will find a song I've been singing just for you.
	I'll see you next time.
	Yeah, because I'm supposed to head back to, I was supposed to head back to LA tomorrow or tonight, actually, but my flight got canceled.
	Yeah, it's a lot going on out there.
	Yeah.
	I always thought Nashville was like 72 minimum.
	Yeah.
	Oh, yeah, it gets brisk, man.
	We just, I actually just went sledding this morning, actually.
	Did you?
	Yeah.
	How was it?
	I feel like doing anything like I went bodyboarding like a couple of weeks ago.
	Insane.
	Just great.
	Bodyboarding and what is it?
	Just body.
	Water.
	Body.
	Okay.
	Waves together.
	You're out in the, what are you talking about in what bottom?
	What?
	Ocean.
	What ocean were you in?
	Santa Monica, Pacific?
	Atlantic?
	Which one is that?
	I'm not good with geography.
	Pacific, man.
	Pacific, yeah.
	That's an easy one.
	Yeah, I know my rights for my lefts in north, south, and east, and west, but oceans.
	That's an easy one.
	I don't know that one.
	Oceans, I'm trying to think how many.
	I know oceans, 11. Yeah, I know.
	But could you name 11 oceans, you think?
	I think I can name 11 cities that have oceans.
	Huntington, Hermosa.
	That's cheating, bro.
	Santa Monica, Venice.
	You riding a lot of that same ocean, man.
	That's true.
	I met some people the other day from Bahrain.
	Where is it?
	That's what I was like, what?
	I was like, are you guys like...
	Huh?
	Where'd you meet them?
	At the airport.
	Oh, yeah.
	I was like, are you guys...
	Like, are you like?
	Right.
	What's offensive and what's not?
	Or just like, no, not even ethnical.
	I was just going to be like, are you guys like...
	Yeah.
	Like, are you logging?
	Are you at the airport?
	Do you believe in magic?
	You know what I'm saying?
	I didn't know what to ask.
	I feel like they would.
	Where is that, by the way?
	That's what, see, that's where I was, even where the thing was.
	What was it called again?
	That's all of that was.
	All of that was happening for me at one time.
	So it was like, I'm going to need you to write it on a piece of paper.
	Yeah, they're like, we're from Bahrain.
	Bahrain.
	It kind of sounds like Bahrin.
	It kind of sounds like it's like.
	Did you meet Joe Byron?
	It sounds like Ba Humbug, too.
	What is that?
	I know what it is, but I don't know what it is.
	Bah Humbug is like a famous saying from Christmas.
	That's like when you stub your toe and you're like, Bah Humbug?
	Or somebody stole some shit from you.
	They got the PlayStation.
	Bah Humbug was like a famous saying for people that I think weren't were angry.
	Like if your grandfather, like if you asked him for a dollar and he didn't want to give you a dollar.
	They'd do anything but cuss back in the day.
	Yeah.
	Anything but cuss.
	But they would also like hit people and you're like, I feel like there's a better alternative.
	You could just cuss.
	But they would hit him with a cane.
	Are we talking seniors, you mean?
	Seniors, yeah.
	Yeah, seniors, I think, would.
	Yeah, you, I remember my girl, I had a girlfriend's grandmother one time just slap me right across the face and her grandfather slapped me.
	After?
	Huh?
	After the alley up he's like, fucking in my turn?
	Batter, batter, swing, swing, you know?
	Different.
	Different.
	Yeah, that is weird.
	What did you do to preserve that?
	Oh, made love to their granddaughter.
	I think that's enough.
	They usually what it is.
	I think so.
	If I'm, especially, and she was, she was very attractive.
	And if I'm the grandfather and I have an attractive granddaughter, this makes me, or just any granddaughter, right?
	And somebody's making love to her.
	I think I'm not going to be.
	I think it would be hard to be really stoked about it.
	Yeah, because if you're too excited, then it's weird.
	Then it gets a little porn hub category-ish.
	Grandpa gets excited over prom day.
	Like, where's this going?
	I'll watch.
	Yeah, grandpa's just by the door with like a big like listening thing or something.
	You got a red solo cup with a string in it.
	Yeah.
	Would you be the guy meeting like a daughter and then like at prom?
	Are you shaking the guy's hand hard or are you kind of just like, what's up, man?
	Good to see you.
	Oh, dude.
	I feel like in the movies, they're always trying to be like intimidating.
	But like.
	Oh, I was so, I remember wasted at one time at prom.
	I went to pick up my date, right?
	I was too drunk.
	There you go.
	Are you driving or no?
	Probably floating a little bit.
	I was definitely.
	You just on one?
	Called the Mad Dog 2020s?
	Excuse me.
	Mario Kart.
	Yeah.
	I was kidding.
	All different colors.
	Red, white, and blue.
	Yeah.
	I was like, damn, why am I a mushroom?
	Yeah, yeah.
	I'm not doing real well.
	So you're picking her up.
	Oh, well, I had to send my friend in to pretend he was me because the dad had never even met me.
	Was he hotter?
	Like buffer?
	That's a good idea.
	It was my friend Lance.
	Yeah, he was definitely honestly in hindsight.
	He was more attractive.
	And here's the crazy part.
	They ended up.
	Fucking up?
	Yeah.
	What did you do now?
	Fucking up.
	I was fucking jerked off.
	You went into the house to meet the dad later.
	Like, you trying to play some Madden real quick?
	I got too, I was just too wasted.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I feel like...
	Did you ever, you ever get too wasted before a dance?
	All the time.
	I remember one New Year's, there's a bottle of absolute.
	It's like 100-proof, and it comes in like a disco ball looking thing.
	And I remember I brought it to the party thinking.
	I was like, dude, I was like, yo, I got that.
	This is like bringing, you know, Coors Light to a frat party.
	We in here.
	But I drank the whole thing and I woke up just under their dining room table and pissed myself.
	Oh, really?
	Yeah.
	So.
	Are you laying face down or face up?
	Face down.
	Oh, yeah.
	But I was like under the table, like mentally, like in my drunk mindset, I was like, that looks like a blanket.
	Just a levitating blanket.
	Oh, yeah.
	It was an interesting place to pass out.
	That's mainly the saddest way to pee yourself is laying on your back.
	Just like casket.
	There's just something about like you're like, you would, because here's what happens.
	Like you're in me, like in like an ER or something.
	You're like waiting for someone to put a colosomy bag in here or something.
	For me, it's like if I wake up and I've urinated myself and I'm laying on my back, it feels like it's the weakest.
	It's just like, because I was so vulnerable.
	Because I then envision myself actually having done it.
	Somebody walks by and like, oh, this guy's up pissing himself.
	Yeah.
	I don't know.
	It feels weaker.
	Face down is sad.
	Somebody face down and pee you.
	Oh, fuck.
	You pee themselves.
	But if you're on your back and you pee yourself, that's like, I remember I was in a frat shocking.
	I was in a frat, but like, if you passed up with your shoes on, people could just fuck with you.
	Right.
	Just whatever.
	But that was the.
	Just tape a push black pan to your forehead.
	Yeah.
	It was like, if your shoes were on, you were good.
	And if they're salconies, you're getting your ass beat.
	Yeah, exactly.
	But it's like, that was such a weird.
	And it was like, I feel like a lot of people listening would know that that was like a general rule.
	If your shoes were on, when you passed out, you were like, fair game.
	You could play tic-tac-toe on the forehead with a sharpie and like no repercussions.
	Yeah.
	Draw a dick on their cheekbone.
	We had a dude who had, who was like men, he wasn't, he wasn't like, he was like paraplegic or whatever, and they would braid his legs and shit when he got wasted.
	Like a, like, like a Boy Scout type of knot?
	No, not like a boat knot or nothing.
	That would fucking, that would kill him.
	That would braid it up.
	His grandfather would slap you if you did that.
	Oh, yeah, that's what grandpa's coming back in.
	So after you got slapped by grandpa, would you just take it or you fucking be like, I'll fucking pull the double A's out of your lifelert right now?
	Oh, I remember because I didn't know what their traditions were.
	I think they were Greek or Italian.
	I could see that.
	Because always kissing you on like the cheek, so they might be slapping you on the cheek.
	When you get over near the Mediterranean, you don't know what's going to happen, you know?
	They had a little bit of that Joey Diaz somewhere in them.
	Right.
	Do you like hummus?
	I just got big on this shit.
	Really?
	I don't even know.
	I put it on a carrot.
	I was like, I didn't know you could do this.
	It feels like a, oh, it kind of feels like ranch for bitches.
	Call me a fucking bitch.
	I don't know.
	I like it, dude.
	I don't like celery because the strings in it piss me off.
	It's like a guitar in there.
	But I feel like you'd like doing something.
	You know, I could never do it just for a meal.
	Like, just a plant diet.
	A little much.
	A little much for me.
	I would never.
	Yeah, my flight got canceled.
	That's what we're talking about.
	Yeah.
	Luckily, I flew in yesterday, but it is.
	I mean, they were asking if I wanted to cancel shows.
	I was like, don't fucking, I don't know.
	Don't look at me.
	Yeah, I guess who makes that decision?
	They put it on me.
	Did they?
	Yeah, they're like, do you want to cancel?
	We can move this shit.
	I was like, I don't know what snow is to y'all.
	I didn't even know that we were in Tennessee.
	Like, I knew we were in Tennessee, but like, did I know that we were in Tennessee?
	Right.
	And that's every place you kind of go.
	It's like, you don't really, you're never in a place long enough to really like, you know.
	People are always like sending you messages like, hey, man, come, you know, we're doing, my cousin owns a root beer factory, dude.
	We'd love to have you stop by.
	And you want to do all these things.
	Sometimes it's just a lot to be able to take on, but oh, it's too much.
	You never really know you're in a place.
	Well, I also don't want to make a call based on y'all's weather where I say something and people are like, you cancel for that?
	And I'm like, I don't fucking know.
	I remember when Delia one time canceled for snow, he got so much shit online.
	I mean, people were yelling at him.
	Yeah, bro.
	And he got a lot of it for me because he shouldn't have done it.
	But that's what I'm saying.
	It's like, he canceled for snow, bro, which is basically, let's be honest, gay water.
	Okay, gay rain.
	Okay, let's be honest.
	He's very powdery out there today.
	It's like I was telling your boy to produce.
	It's nice to walk on.
	You feel like you're like, is this the next step to heaven?
	Oh, literally, I woke up this morning.
	I watched Miracle on 34th Street or 38th Street.
	Shirt on or off.
	Shirt off, bro.
	There we go.
	Shirt off.
	Chain on?
	Chain on.
	Chain on, no shirt.
	How that movie should be intended to be watched.
	Chain on, no shirt.
	Yeah.
	That's definitely.
	That is a gypsy wedding, I feel like.
	That's like a gypsy.
	Yeah, you're the ring bearer, actually.
	I feel like, is listening to Christmas music past Christmas?
	What's your take on that?
	Like in June?
	Oh, I've been listening to Christmas music for probably...
	Yeah, and the views are lower, so you don't feel like you're bandwagoning it.
	But like, is Michael Bublay still pulling in plays in June?
	Probably.
	I go old school.
	I'm like Bing Crosby, you know, like that old like.
	OG.
	Yeah, I don't know what he looks like, but it's like, yeah, I go Bing Crosby.
	When back in the day, they're like, I'm going to start doing Christmas music.
	They're like, yeah, shut up.
	Like, okay, that's what you want to do?
	Christmas music.
	But now, the numbers don't lie.
	Oh, now I think for certain people it's there.
	But back in the day, it's like, oh, you think you can compete with Jesus Christ?
	I think there was a lot of that back in the early days.
	Right.
	You don't need to do that.
	Like in 70s.
	See better than Jesus.
	78 D, some dude's like, hey, hey, hey, hey, I'm doing Christmas music.
	Like, fuck you, homie.
	He's off the eggnog.
	Jesus Christ.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, that is weird.
	It's just weird to wake up one day and be like, you know what, I could fucking capitalize on some of this X-Mix music.
	It's just a weird, I don't know.
	But there's not a big market in it.
	There's not too many people on their vision board be like, Christmas music.
	I don't know.
	I think Nelly did a Christmas album.
	Did he?
	I think he did.
	Nelly was great doing crossovers.
	He did Tim McGraw?
	Question?
	No, who'd he do the Florida, Georgia line?
	Maybe.
	There was one with a jet.
	I don't remember.
	I think it was FGO.
	It might have been Tim McGraw.
	I think you're right.
	It might have been Tim McGraw.
	I think it's Tim McGraw.
	I can picture it in my head.
	I was thinking about us.
	I was thinking about me.
	Only just a dream.
	Is that it?
	We got computers.
	It was only just a dream.
	People love shooting music videos on a jetway.
	Just something about the open land.
	Yeah, I'm just trying to think of that song again.
	Think about us.
	Was it him and Tim McGrath?
	It was only just a dream.
	You probably just type in Yanelli Tim Gras.
	You know, Tim Graw collab.
	Over and over again.
	I keep picking.
	We're talking 149 million views.
	That's big.
	And I'll say this.
	Two of them could be mine.
	Two million or just two in general.
	But here's what I want to know.
	Oh, and they look, they really.
	I love to stop it right there.
	Does Tim McGraw have a bunk bed?
	Yeah, let's see.
	That's what I'm.
	They made a lot of this really.
	First of all, they put that skull cap on Tim McGraw, which that feels like a little kid rock-esque.
	It feels hard.
	It just feels like they're really trying to merge artists.
	Right.
	You know?
	Right.
	So what did they do for Nellie to country him out a little bit?
	Well, let's see if we can see.
	Nelly packing some Copenhagen.
	Just drag that thing over there just so we can see Nelly.
	We don't even need to hear it.
	That's when the St. Louis Ramsay is still there.
	They put him in front of a brick building.
	That's kind of country.
	No.
	Brick, I feel like, is from.
	Oh, they're touching belt buckles.
	Okay, yeah.
	Let's see right there.
	There we go.
	They're touching.
	That's a close-up on belt buckles.
	Oh, the sidekick.
	Yeah.
	They put that flavor flavor.
	They really put it right there.
	That's how they locked him in for this song.
	And then they got a picture of Faith Hill right there.
	And then Nelly.
	Is that his wife?
	I want to say that Sierra.
	Who's Sierra?
	I hit on Sierra at a party once.
	Really?
	She's a fox.
	When that song, there was a song that our school dances, you had to be hands touched.
	One, two, step.
	You had to be arms length away.
	Don't tell me about that.
	What do you mean?
	So like in like eighth grade for our dances, there was like chaperones and you had to be one arm length away because that was social distancing for when you were horny.
	You know, you'd have to be one arm's length away.
	Seam in the original COVID.
	It's spreading everywhere, dog.
	But when Sierra's one, two step or goodies, goodies.
	That shit, when that would come on, everybody would break the arm barrier.
	People would stop.
	I mean, that was like the first time my brain heard something.
	I was like, oh, shit.
	Who is that guy?
	Petey Poplar?
	I think it's Petey Pop.
	Hello, what I do.
	That or Freakalek.
	Was that Cookies?
	No.
	Goodies.
	Goodies.
	Close.
	But when that came on, that was like the first time my body really felt something.
	You know, I remember the first porn I ever Googled is boobs.com.
	That was the original.
	But the second time I really felt something was when goodies came on at the school dance.
	And that was big.
	That was everybody, all the chaperones were like, you guys are doing the freak dancing.
	Get them away.
	But they always tried to break it up.
	Somebody blow a whistle.
	Turn the lights off.
	Come out the cloth.
	Yeah, they had air horns.
	Yeah, exactly.
	Just like, you're lying.
	Yeah, exactly.
	Your shirt's off.
	You're sweating.
	Yeah, that was the first time.
	Oh, that was crazy.
	Dude, school dances, man.
	I remember one time going to pick this girl up.
	Oh, Freak-A-Leak, was that it?
	Freak-A-Leak was a...
	Is there a song called Goodies?
	Goodies?
	Sierra just had jams.
	Yeah, just no, just goodies.
	My good.
	Goodies?
	I think Sierra Goodies.
	Goodies, Sierra.
	Oh, with Pete Pablo.
	Yeah, I think they did.
	That's the same photo on the nightstand, no?
	The second one down?
	Yeah, it is.
	Damn.
	Look at me.
	I know my shit, dude.
	There we go.
	Subliminal messaging.
	Nelly is horny.
	Or were they dating?
	Did they date?
	I wonder?
	I don't know.
	I don't think we can play it anyway, can we?
	Okay.
	Yeah, regardless.
	I'm playing it in my mind a little bit right now, but that's.
	But that was like the school dance stuff was.
	This was even.
	Who'd you go with?
	I think you just went with homies.
	Whoa.
	But like eighth grade dances, you kind of just showed up and then you just kind of like, like in movies, you'd sit at the wall and you'd wait to make eye contact with.
	But in high school, that's when you would ask the girl.
	Oh, really?
	We had, no, when our school, it was big.
	You had to get asked or asked at like seventh grade.
	Wow, and they had different dances, man.
	They had Sadie Hawkins, Sadie Hawkins, okay.
	Then they had this one dance where they made a big shirt.
	Yeah, they would sew the shirt sleeves together.
	It was like, what's it called?
	Like a parachute?
	Lovelock or something.
	You see how many people you could fit in there?
	No, you had to, it was you and your date.
	So y'all were like a big circle, you know, by the sleeves.
	Yeah, yeah.
	And so you were might have been spring fling or something.
	So they would have these special shirts made for everybody, and you had to be like locked in like this.
	So all night you were kind of locked in.
	How did you pee?
	Your pants?
	You just commit?
	That'd be a weird place to get hard.
	You just lay on your back and do it.
	Like some fucking unnatural.
	Because then she's laying on her stomach and then she's going out the honorable one.
	Oh, yeah.
	Yeah, no, I remember one year I asked a girl to homecoming in a Tiffany's box, but it just said homecoming on a piece of paper.
	And then I opened it like I was proposing.
	And then she friends on me that night.
	I went in for the kiss and she hit me with the cheek.
	Hit me with the cheek.
	Yeah, I was way out of my league.
	girl she was like the girl who had like the the tits in town oh she was like she was oh you Yeah.
	You ask anybody in Camro, California, about Christina?
	I mean, she had the bags on her.
	Bang!
	Bags!
	Bags were fully charged.
	Joe Byron.
	Yeah, I loved it.
	Yeah.
	But she was awesome.
	But I was really stepping outside of my britches, you know?
	Oh, dude, I remember this one girl, man.
	I think her name was Noel, right?
	Good titty name.
	And she had, I don't need, her whole body was tits.
	Her whole body was just made out of tit, dude.
	Every part of her body was tit.
	You graze her hand a little bit.
	You're like, oh, shit.
	Oh, dude.
	Cariola?
	Even a high five felt like it had milk in it.
	You know what I'm saying?
	She just was all tit.
	Yeah.
	And I remember somehow she agreed to go to a dance with me.
	I even remember when I asked her, I was so, I was on mushrooms when I asked her and I got so hype after she said yes.
	I ran and jumped over a chain link fence and cut my, literally cut my hand open and my stomach open.
	Did you grip it like you were pole vaulting a little bit?
	No, I just tried to jump up a couple of things.
	I just jumped straight into it.
	Oh, I was so stoked.
	Oh, because you're on mushrooms.
	Yeah, and I was like, I'm going to show her this cool trick.
	You know what I'm saying?
	She knows she's dealing with a savage now.
	And that was Tit Girl?
	So anyway, I healed up and we went to the dance.
	And one of my hands was still pretty bandaged up.
	You know, my hand where I got and cut pretty well was pretty bandaged.
	So I remember she let me like kind of get one of those tits out, boy, and I'm just batting that thing around like Mayweather shit.
	Just throwing rights on it.
	Oh, it was definitely.
	That's what will heal the hand.
	Oh, it was some, you know, some Canelo, bro.
	You know what I'm saying?
	Yeah.
	She just let me just little batting practice with that tit.
	Oh, yeah.
	And then later on at night, she like we were at my friend's house and we're sitting there and they had a pool table.
	And I'm like trying to get like trying to get her underpants off a little.
	With the mid on?
	Oh, it was so hard.
	And I think she kept thought that I was like tapping her on the, like I was trying to ask her a question.
	So she would see that.
	Like, what?
	You know?
	Because I kept every time I'd like kind of touch her with the mid.
	Yeah, you should have had her like seductively like undo the wrap on your hand with her teeth or something going around.
	If going back in time, dude, I would do it so different.
	But I got so nervous because she was so, she was the hot, she was the, she was just a living tit.
	And I got so nervous that I just kind of, I just fell apart.
	And how's she doing now?
	I'm sure she's beautiful and has a family.
	Same tit.
	Like most of the people that I know.
	Or most of the, you know, like most women that I talk occasionally at night on Facebook.
	You know what I'm saying?
	Yeah.
	And every once in a while you dabble, see how they're doing.
	Four kids, Arkansas.
	Yeah.
	The evil were saved.
	Yeah.
	You a natural tit guy or a implant tit guy?
	Well, implants, there was a rocky time for implants.
	There was a time where they came out real hard.
	If you were starters, any of those, yes.
	Oh, yeah.
	I remember there was a stripper in North Carolina, Green, Greenville, Greensboro, one of them.
	Probably Greensboro, Middlebank.
	But she told me she got hers for like $300 off.
	And I was like, I don't think that's something you want to cut corners on.
	They were still good, but they kind of look like...
	Where it'd be like a tube in the middle, then all the DVDs were on it?
	It kind of looked like she had two of those.
	And with a little bit on top, too, because it kind of looked like a nipple.
	They were solid, but I know what you mean.
	They were like.
	There was some real, yeah, there was a lot of, some of them were very, hmm.
	You know how people can move their kneecap?
	Yes.
	Like, you could do that with their tits.
	Yeah, some of them you could.
	Yeah, it seemed like you could kind of, like, you could almost gears.
	Yes.
	Yeah.
	Put that in my turn.
	Like you were driving the 18-wheeler.
	Yeah.
	There was some real, dude, there was a girl I met one time in Raleigh, North Carolina.
	Great city.
	And her breasts were like these, they were almost like a, you ever seen like a, um, like a baby have like a poop diaper, you know?
	Yeah.
	And if you squeeze it, it stays in that shape.
	Oh, Temper Pedic.
	Yes.
	But it didn't go back.
	It did.
	Her tits would kind of, if you squeeze them, they would stay there.
	Yeah, I don't know.
	What is Temper Pedic's whole deal about putting wine on the bed and just jumping?
	I think a lot of couples, that's like the highlight of their putting somewhere low on the corner and getting after it.
	If you never left town, that's your summer relentlessness.
	That's a honeymoon right there.
	Grab the Franzia.
	We're getting after it.
	Oh, I think it's a lot of people, yeah.
	And then some, you know, I don't know.
	I think if I was a girl, I'd have really weird tits.
	I think I would just have weird tits.
	I think you have a very model body for a young woman.
	Yeah.
	Is that a comedy?
	I think I met a girl recently that had a body like you.
	Was it me?
	I don't know what type of body I'd have.
	I think I'd be the girl with no ass, but like knockers.
	Just like, you know.
	With them gangs, huh?
	Yeah.
	Just bagged up, ready to go.
	Yeah, I think I would just have, but I don't know.
	I think I'd have weird areolas.
	That's my biggest insecurity.
	I know.
	Your body style, you're not going to have weird.
	You think you'd have big areolas?
	I'm not going to have weird ones.
	Like, you know, the ones that kind of just disintegrate into the sea of skin.
	Yeah, they fade out.
	Yeah.
	I think I'd have those.
	But I kind of like those.
	You know, it's fun.
	You don't know where it starts or it stops.
	Kind of like the ocean.
	Where's the Atlantic?
	Where's the Pacific?
	Just that incoming, outgoing tide.
	Like, sometimes it looks like a little more scanner.
	A little tide.
	A little more areola.
	Dude, now that I think about it, I remember the first time I met you, I was hosting, it was like 2017 in Oxnard, and you had your shirt off.
	It was after a show, and you just had your shirt off, and you ordered, what's a tuna called?
	Tsashimi?
	You ordered an Ahi tuna salad, but you're like, I don't want the salad.
	And I'll never forget that moment.
	And the waitress was so confused.
	She's like, so you don't want the salad?
	You're like, no, I want the salad, but I just want the tuna.
	And she was so confused.
	And you had your shirt off for that.
	Fuck yeah.
	And that's all I remember.
	Savage.
	Yeah.
	And I was my first time.
	Was it a savage move?
	It was really savage.
	And then you said something after, you're like, I can't believe anybody can just have babies.
	And then that was it.
	And still can't.
	But I was just like, this is double power moves.
	Shirt off.
	Well, actually, triple.
	Shirt off Ahituna just opinions.
	Yeah.
	I was just like, yeah, man.
	So what do you want me to say up there about you?
	What were you?
	You were performing there?
	I was on the coast.
	I was hosting.
	Oh, that's cool.
	It was out in Oxnard.
	That Levity Live out there.
	I was just hosting the show.
	That's probably about four years ago, five years.
	It was a while ago, yeah.
	And who was featuring?
	But I just remember like, it was a two-show thing.
	And it was like in between the two shows, you were just eating Ahi Tuna with your shirt off.
	Living love.
	But, bro, you had the shirt off today watching Christmas movie.
	Maybe I'm living wrong.
	Yeah, you could be.
	Maybe I'm living wrong.
	You could be wearing too many skins, man.
	That's maybe what it is.
	Yeah, my flight got canceled, dude.
	I always wonder when my flight gets canceled, if that's God looking out for me or not.
	Yeah.
	I think my flight yesterday was an old plane.
	It had the TVs that stick out of the seat, like the brick ones that almost look like a thermostat a little bit.
	It's like a tan box.
	Yeah, it was Delta, but it was, the pilot was pissed.
	I had my foot on the wall and he goes, that's not a very, he goes, that's not a very mature thing to do.
	Take your foot off.
	Wow.
	He said it like it was his plane, which, look, I understand.
	He's flying that bitch by all means.
	But he said it like he pulled it out of the garage.
	Like he was collector Delta 747.
	Well, it's also, that's a very subtle way of saying you're in first class.
	Also, I do want to say that.
	You know, you know, when you're flying first class from LA to Nashville, that's a $300 upgrade.
	I was feeling myself.
	First weekend back of, you know, I was feeling myself a little bit.
	There's only one place on the plane you can put your foot on a wall.
	Or the very back.
	The Stewardess.
	You just caught it up on the coffee maker.
	Yeah.
	The Stewardesses are getting fight.
	They're all on their phone out there listening to loud iPads and TV shows and watching Coco Melon and shit.
	Yeah, it's crazy.
	It's definitely a different vibe out there now in the skies.
	But yeah, no, I feel like nobody wanted to be there.
	The pilot was like pissed he was there because somebody used, you know, pilots use the same front bathroom as everybody else?
	Oh, yeah.
	I thought they'd have one in the cockpit.
	It's so weird that my ex-girlfriend's dad was a pilot and they used to urinate into a jug up there.
	I think like a Folger's can would make sense.
	Well, that's probably old school.
	But like they're real old.
	Some guy brings a metal can to urinate.
	Yeah, but Folgers now are plastic, so I feel like that's bananas.
	Yeah, that's not good for the environment.
	If a plane goes down, see, I just wonder, is God looking out for me?
	Could this plane go down?
	No, I feel that.
	Do you ever think that that could happen?
	Do you ever feel like...
	Getting canceled?
	Getting canceled by God, dying in a plane crash.
	I had that fear yesterday because the pilot was, I've never seen a pilot pissed.
	And he was an older gentleman.
	I've never seen somebody like mad, mad.
	And it's like, we're about to take off.
	You know, somebody rub him off a little bit or give him some CBD gummies because he was on one.
	And I was like, this is the guy in charge of the plane.
	You know, that's the guy.
	Everybody else is bullshit.
	Like, think about how you drive.
	Right.
	Think about how you drive when you're having a tough day.
	You're, you're fucking, you see red lights as a suggestion.
	You're like, maybe.
	So I'm like, on takeoff, I had this weird, euphoric feeling.
	I was like, what if you just did a nosedive?
	What if?
	What if today's a day?
	He's like, you know, that is one dude.
	Think about a pilot.
	You really are.
	You're that.
	You really have the ability to say how many do you want, God.
	Yeah.
	You know what I'm saying?
	In your hand.
	How many you want, God?
	And also, 10 dozen?
	Yeah.
	I got 10 dozen.
	This asshole got his feet on the board, so let's take him out.
	Delta should be, who is the pilot's wife?
	How is she doing?
	That's what I'm saying.
	Taking care of him.
	They got to be treating these people.
	I salute pilots when I get off.
	I go, thank you for the flight.
	Because everybody, nobody makes eye contact with the turning.
	They say thank you to the flight attendants, which I get that, but like the pilots are the, you know, like salute.
	I'll lean in there and yes, I'll say.
	Kiss them on the cheek.
	Good job, fellas.
	Yeah.
	Or ma'am.
	Yeah, right.
	And I'll say that even at the same fellas or ma'am, and they know.
	They all know.
	And even the lady, if she's a female pilot, she wants to be called fella.
	She got a little more gray hair than usual.
	You're like, I see what you're doing with that, Toupe.
	I see what you're doing.
	Some women just want to go so hard that they want you to call them ma'am.
	Right.
	Fella.
	But that's what I feel like pilots don't get enough credit.
	Also, if I was a pilot, I would be like, I would go on the intercom and be like, I sure would love some Starburst right now.
	And then I'd wait for somebody to be like, come bring it up.
	And then if nobody does it, I'd be like, y'all want turbulence?
	A little fucking rattle-rattle?
	What do you think?
	Dude, this guy, Dan Gilbert, he said the best joke, and he still has it because it's his joke.
	He said turbulence is a button that rich, that people in first class press on us.
	I wish I had that yesterday.
	I would have fuck with everybody back there.
	Row 23, y'all awake yet?
	They should have, or if you're playing those games where everybody on the plane can play and you win, you should be able to give a little, remix them a little.
	Oh, yeah, just see what's going on.
	Stir them up a little bit.
	Yeah, I always think that like if my phone's not on airplane mode, like it's it's gonna fuck some up.
	But then I've been on flights where I forget to turn it off and it's the same flight.
	So that's something I want to know.
	Is airplane mode a hoax?
	You know, a lot of things have hooked.
	I think they used to have like probably, you know, back in the day, they probably, what was before that?
	Before airplane mode?
	Yeah.
	They just turned it off.
	Or right, then they had airplane mode.
	Like silent mode?
	Because airplane mode's such a specific thing, I don't even know what it does, it just blocks calls.
	I guess it's supposed to stop the signal, but nothing can stop the signal.
	I saw my phone the other night get up and get something to drink, right?
	Like, this thing's been off for me.
	My phone just gets a Mountain Dew coat of red right now.
	Yeah, this thing's insane.
	Yeah, I don't know, but that's the thing.
	I like, are you a superstitious guy?
	Oh, yeah.
	Yeah, so I'm like that too.
	Like, before I take off, I'll be like, like, I won't turn my airplane mode back on until the wheels touch the ground because I don't want to fuck up airwaves.
	You don't want to be in that bag.
	You know, I really like when I'm traveling, I like to have something on my feet.
	You know, you see, some people do barefoot traveling.
	And most of these people are indigenous people or I don't want to say homeless, but could be, you know, could be homeless.
	But all birds are what I like to wear when I fly.
	I like to have my all birds on.
	They just have a comfortable, it's a comfortable shoe.
	It's classy, but it's also relaxing.
	It's like you're almost like a library, but you could also go for a nice jog if you needed to.
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	I wear about a 10 and a 10 and a half, and I enjoy them.
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	Yeah, sometimes I think when the flight gets canceled, that that's like, I just want, you know, and maybe it's egotistical to think that it's like, oh, is that part of God saving my life?
	Because I would rather that than like, you know, when you get, you like board the plane, like, oh, we got to work on the engine for like two to three hours.
	Like, that doesn't make me feel better.
	Like, just lie to me.
	Be like, the pilot had to go get some egg bites from Starbucks.
	Right.
	Like, like, when they're like, oh, we're working on the engine, we'll be good in a sec.
	Like, I don't want to know that.
	Yeah, but I, it used to be dicier.
	You would hear the dude in there work and you'd see a guy with an oil can.
	I remember one time.
	He said oil on it.
	Oh, yeah.
	Yeah.
	He was a cartoon figure.
	What is going on?
	I don't want to know anything about like, like, I literally, I edit a lot of my videos on flights because I don't want to think about the fact that I'm like just in the air.
	Like when my phone dies and like the, it's just like the TV on the plane's like not working and all I have is my thoughts.
	That's the worst flight of my life.
	I'm just sitting there thinking.
	Really?
	I'm just, I have a lot of anxiety in that sense of like, you know, my whole childhood was that.
	We didn't have because they didn't have phones.
	Yeah.
	I mean, I don't know what the fuck I did growing up, probably like Sudoku puzzles or some dumb shit or like made it tic-tac-toe, but I like, I, like, I need to do something so I don't think about the fact that I'm just like in the sky.
	Right.
	It's, yeah.
	Yeah, I guess it's interesting.
	I guess part of the thing of a flight is to try to trick people.
	You think they try to trick you more to thinking that you're in the sky.
	Like on the inside of the windows, draw, have like a forest or something.
	Or like a glass bottom floor.
	Just like, put it like one aisle.
	Just one aisle.
	And you get to pay extra for it.
	Like row 13, you just get to see below you.
	That's kind of hard.
	Influencers would be like in the fucking flights with the feet.
	One time we were landing somewhere and it was a prop plane, right?
	So it was just a small plane.
	Oh, the connecting flight ones are scary.
	Yeah, it was a real small one.
	So something hit down book, boom, boom, boom.
	Bounce down the side of the plane, right?
	I know.
	Oh, was that, bro?
	It was crazy.
	Because there's only a couple things it could be.
	You're in the air, you know?
	Bird?
	Bird.
	Alien.
	Kevin.
	Yeah, smaller plane person, you know?
	Loose person, skydiver.
	Yeah.
	So I'm like, what?
	So everybody's like, what the f?
	You know, some guy's like, I know what it is.
	There's always some guy.
	There's always some guy who looks over and he's like, yeah, that's actually just the tropical storm of the stratosphere.
	And there's wife's like, shut up, Henry.
	There's four Jack Daniels bottles spilling out from his waist.
	So did you ever find out what it was?
	We got out, bro, and no joke, in the front, in one of the rotors, there was a bird mangled.
	Like a wings?
	Enough of a wing.
	Enough of one.
	Or you knew what happened.
	Oh, no.
	Yeah, was it like a mallard?
	No, no, it was bigger than that.
	I would think it was probably Pelican or.
	Damn.
	I mean, yeah, because usually to rattle the plane, but I will say some of those connecting flights where you got to like, you land in like Seattle, but you got to go to Spokane and it's one of these like mountainy flights.
	Yeah.
	And you can still see the propeller on the, it's like an uncovered propeller.
	You ever taken one of those?
	Oh, yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
	Right.
	This was one where something got, you know, part of me wonders, because I felt us go off course a little.
	Part of me wonders if one of the old dogs up there was like, you know what?
	Theo, Theo's doing.
	I'm about to, well, no, I'm going to hit something.
	Oh, oh, oh, he's like, I'm done.
	Because how hard would it be if you're having a bad day?
	You're tired, you know.
	And you're just a mallard.
	And your wife's doing something, you know, it's something with your husband, because there's a lot of gay pilots now, too, which I'm fine with it, but it's just like, do we know enough about their relationships to know if the guy can, if something goes bad?
	Like, I feel like we know enough where, like, if a straight man in a, in a straight relationship, if something gets real bad, the guy, there's been enough study where he's maybe not going to crash.
	Is a gay dude or gay woman just going to be like, you know, I just.
	I would love to see a pilot with a mood ring on it, you know, but like one they don't know about, one they don't know about.
	But if I walk on and it's like blue or green, I'm like, okay, they're feeling all right.
	But it's like bright red or yellow.
	Yeah.
	We might need it.
	We might need to delay this a few hours.
	Go get some chamomile or something.
	There should be intel on the pilot.
	So you can look, even on the app, it's like, hey, you know, like, you know, Samuel, Ronda, whoever the pilot is.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, because even on Uber, it says like their favorite activities, their parks, favorite sports team.
	I want to know more about the pilot.
	Also, I think like, you know, I'm sure they have a lounge for pilots, but like they should have like the Delta Sky Club should be for pilots.
	Right.
	Like just place where they can just post up, crush a couple Mikalobes.
	I don't know, but I don't know if you can drink one.
	Okay, well, yeah, yeah.
	Or a non-alcoholic one, just to feel like they're doing something.
	Yeah.
	Just to give them that, like, that edge mentally.
	Actually, in their mind.
	That's a terrible idea.
	I don't know, man.
	Now you got me wanting it.
	Yeah, just one.
	Because I bet if I'm a pilot, there's no way some of them aren't drinking, man.
	One of my girlfriends, dad, my childhood girlfriend, dad was a piloter.
	And he had a couple extra families and everything, dude.
	He had like, it was crazy, bro.
	He was really just, you know, being the best pilot you could be.
	If I'm going to be landing, if I'm sleeping here after a year.
	Yeah.
	He's pumping.
	Yeah.
	I'm having some kids.
	Yeah.
	Well, I've met people at my shows.
	Yeah.
	Like on like a Friday night, they're all like a little hammered.
	They're like, yeah, man, we're all pilots at the local airport.
	And they're all like hammered.
	Hammered.
	And I'm like, they're not going to be hammered in the morning, but like a little hungover, a little on edge.
	Yeah, because here's the thing.
	You can't assume that pilots have a magical power.
	Maybe they do.
	Maybe part of going through the Air Force and going through flight school, they're like, they start to weed out the people who have really bad hangovers.
	I bet they do.
	Yeah, can you be hungover and in the military?
	Yeah, dude.
	That's the military.
	Okay.
	It's just called the military.
	But I just feel like they just plow right through mentally, you know?
	They just go, hoorah, and they fucking beat the shit out of that hangover.
	Yeah, I mean, they got it, though.
	They have the hangover to beat the shit out.
	But they just cruise right past it.
	Yeah.
	You don't strike me, and I don't mean this to be offensive to you, but you don't strike me as the kind of guy that would survive in a plane crash type of scenario.
	You are correct.
	I don't think I would do well.
	I was thinking about that yesterday on the flight.
	If I'm going down, what am I doing?
	Am I dapping up the homie next to me?
	What am I doing?
	Am I reaching a couple rows back just to tell an elderly man, like, thank you for your service?
	I don't know.
	Thank you for your service.
	Just being old.
	Putting up the millennials.
	I just got out of jail.
	He's probably in jail.
	Yeah, a teardrop tattoo.
	Yeah, I don't think I would do well.
	I mean, I don't think I would do well in a lot of tough scenarios, you know?
	Really?
	But say you crash, right?
	You crash.
	What is some of your first moves when you're on the ground?
	These are the things you got to do.
	Oh, we're making, like, you know, you're saying not on impact.
	I'm not splat.
	You crash.
	Okay.
	But I am alive, but like I'm a little mangled.
	You're alive.
	You're doing a...
	You're pristine.
	Okay, big word.
	People are like, oh, I look good, like, fine.
	I mean, literally.
	Like every movie action hero have like one star right here.
	Yeah, you almost look better than when you went in.
	I look like that dude in the insurance commercials.
	What's his name?
	Oh, yeah.
	Yeah.
	What was that guy's name?
	First thing I'm doing?
	Damn.
	All-state guy.
	It's like danger or something cool.
	Yeah, danger.
	Danger Rick or something.
	Guys, hot.
	First thing I would do.
	What do you do?
	Because it's important.
	The first thing you do is important.
	Because you're on an island.
	There's no police coming for probably a couple weeks.
	First thing I'm doing.
	Probably checking my phone.
	No.
	That's not being honest.
	You could check it.
	That's not.
	That's done.
	The worst is going to be some idiot on the beach the whole time, like trying to get their phone to work, like holding it up at the sun.
	Yeah.
	Shaking asking the stewardess, can I get more coffee?
	the store just doesn't have an arm.
	Does anybody, Nobody has.
	Nobody Boost Mobile in general.
	Realistically, I think I would probably try to get the youngest people out of the plane of the crash first.
	But even that's weird.
	You're on an island yelling for babies.
	Well, because they have the most potential in life.
	Or you save the elders.
	I'm not sure seniors and ladies first, I think.
	Is it?
	I think so.
	Unless it's changed.
	Maybe this is where the difference, I think, in just like in this is where things are changing.
	What's the cutoff?
	You can save the babies, huh?
	Yeah, but you can't just be yelling.
	Where's the kids at?
	A little weird in 2022.
	Where's the kids?
	The first thing you land, you go, where's the kids at?
	They're like, all right, you should have.
	Not if you just saluted the guy behind you.
	That's the first thing you saw.
	You salute and say, where's the kids at?
	I don't know.
	who are you saving first?
	What's the first thing you're doing?
	The first thing you got to do is be able to provide food for everybody.
	Where?
	Oh, like on the island?
	Yeah, Trevor.
	Okay, the first thing you have to be able to do is provide food for everybody because people need to know if you're a leader or not.
	That's true.
	Because if you're not a leader out of the gate, then I think you're you risk, you take on a lot of risk.
	I don't think you need to be like insane alpha.
	No, you know, you don't want to fake it.
	You take the shirt off.
	I'd probably take a shirt off.
	Or I'd rip the shirt off just to assert dominance.
	Just one sleeve or something.
	No, I think if you're going to...
	You don't want to try to rip your shirt off and you can't get it off.
	Can't do it.
	I've seen that happen at many frat parties.
	It always gets caught in the collar part because it's different stitching up there.
	Well, yeah, and the collar won't break.
	Yeah.
	And then they just like pretend like that was their plan the whole time.
	Yeah.
	We know what you're doing, Thorben.
	We know what you're doing.
	Yeah, I mean, I don't know.
	I think.
	Do you got to feed everybody?
	So the first thing you have to get is probably you're going to have to get some small ground game.
	So you're going to want to do probably squirrel is easy to hunt.
	Pheasant is one of the easiest things to.
	Pheasant is?
	Oh, pheasant's real easy.
	If you've just cut a crop or something, pheasants will all easily.
	I know what a pheasant is, but also what is a pheasant.
	I've seen them little bitches.
	They're like not squirrels, but they're not chipmunks.
	A pheasant is a bird.
	Oh, it's a bird.
	So you're not.
	It's a small bird.
	It's a small chicken.
	I grew up in California my whole life.
	I don't know.
	I know pigeons and seagulls.
	Oh, dude.
	Oh, these little guys?
	Oh, yeah.
	These bitches are legit, baby.
	They're basically like a Mexican.
	They almost look kind of Mexican, honestly.
	They all have a nice little diamond chain on them.
	They got a little.
	I mean, they look like one of the, you know, like the Mexican guy that comes in with the mariachi?
	Yes.
	They seem like they have that sort of circumstance about them.
	Are they not fast?
	I feel like catching that would be a little hard.
	Pheasants are one of the easiest things to catch if you're stuck somewhere and you need to cook for people.
	Already I can tell if you, you're going to be like more of a sous chef.
	You're going to be like the guys.
	I do coconuts because they can't move.
	Yeah.
	Birds got legs and wings.
	Coconuts, none of those.
	They're just chilling.
	They don't really have an option.
	Yeah, so coconuts is good.
	You could get some coconuts.
	I think another thing you could prepare for people if you want or capture for them, squirrels.
	What else is something that's easy?
	Rabbits is a little trickier than you would think.
	If you can get turtle, that's an easy thing, but you're going to have to be able to get it open.
	I mean, here's the thing.
	Or you just use a turtle shell to like chop a coconuts bag on.
	So you don't hurt the turtle, but you use its back as like a cutting board.
	Yeah, you can't be the guy who's like, let's don't hurt the turtle in a plane crash.
	You got to.
	2022, man.
	That's me.
	That's our millennials.
	We're pussies.
	We're like, let's get the turtle, but let's not.
	Like, I'll sacrifice the coconut shell, but I'm using it for shoes after.
	I need to use everything.
	Yeah, I'm the stationary guy.
	Dove right there, right there.
	Look at that.
	And that dove is a beautiful bird, man.
	I saw.
	I've actually had dove.
	They had two brothers that lived by me at my old apartment complex, and they was always grilling dove outside.
	Grilling dove?
	I thought doves were always white.
	No?
	What are the ones they release at funerals?
	No, there's a church dove, that funeral dove.
	Church doves.
	Where do those birds go after funerals?
	You're also talking.
	They just let them go and do they track them down?
	There's usually a handler that's about probably a quarter mile away and they fly to that guy.
	Oh, really?
	Yeah, there's a guy who usually parks at like a.
	And they know?
	A strip mall or whatever.
	It's all behind my iPhone thing.
	I don't know if they have that.
	They used to have homing pigeons where Bobby Kennedy was on, and he talked about when he was a kid, they would take homing pigeons and they would put them on the train.
	And they would ask the conductor to let them go when they got to like Virginia.
	Yeah.
	And then whoever's homing pigeon flew back first.
	That's who won.
	It was like him and his buddy.
	Tough mutter, but for the sky.
	I mean, they've been doing this forever.
	The carrier pigeons.
	Birds are great at this.
	Birds have always been after.
	You need to prepare a dove for somebody.
	You know how to cook a dove?
	Grilling, I guess.
	You could grill, yeah.
	I think it'd be easiest.
	Probably going to have to have fire.
	Squirrel.
	What is this animal?
	Easiest.
	Oh, this article is easiest animals to hunt for beginners.
	That's you.
	Tis I. Dove, squirrel.
	There you go.
	Pheasant coming in.
	What does it say there?
	Pheasant or excellent game bird.
	That bird only has one leg.
	He's all ready to take out.
	You want to play a game of hopscotch and then he just falls over and you just throw him in a chokehold.
	Oh, yeah, that bird is ready to party.
	What are pheasants?
	They're just homies of chickens.
	They're just in that same realm.
	You know what?
	That's a great statement, man.
	Let me see right there.
	Homies of chickens.
	Is that actually what Webster's dictionary says?
	Remember to be patient and have fun with your hunting adventure.
	Hunting pheasant is a great pastime.
	It's especially fun to do with your children if you're getting them into hunting at an early age.
	There you go.
	11 people downvoted that.
	That's 11 people who had a tough time pheasants?
	Me.
	Yeah, if you go to the article, 11 people downvoted it.
	So I was one of them.
	But 38 were like, fuck yeah.
	Thumbs up, brother.
	No, they put easy to hunt.
	That's what they're at.
	Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
	Yeah, but that's 11 people that were like, that was a tough Tuesday for me.
	Yeah.
	So let's go down a little bit more raccoon.
	I can see that.
	They're already in the trash can.
	You just close the lid and they're kind of done for.
	Yeah, but then you have to be willing to set fire outside of the can and watch them and let them burn in there.
	It's kind of like using that green egg.
	Traeger.
	Yeah.
	Have you ever used that?
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Oh, that's great.
	The Traeger type or the little pellets.
	Yeah, I mean, that's definitely a white, that's a white trash Traeger right there.
	Boy, you set fire outside of a garbage can that has a raccoon in it.
	I mean, you're eating in two hours, but it is a good seasoning.
	It's kind of like a cask iron in there, you know, all the different years and years of food and seasonings in there.
	That's a good point, man.
	That's a really good point.
	And let's look at animal number five, too, to see what animal is.
	Ducks make sense.
	Bread.
	All you need.
	Duck is basically a mentally handicapped bird.
	Let's be honest, bro.
	I mean, because birds are supposed to be flying and you see something sitting in the water, it's almost like if you ran up on a couple dudes.
	It's like bobbing for apples, but with your fists.
	Yeah, it's like you ran up on a couple dudes.
	They sitting in the water.
	You're like, oh, these dudes Is coming in light.
	I feel like birds are almost looking for it.
	Ducks are.
	Ducks.
	Sorry.
	Yeah, I meant that.
	Birds in general.
	And that's enough.
	I don't want to know all of them.
	Let's not see all of them.
	I want to save some for the people at home.
	Well, just to think for myself, too, I don't want to.
	Sometimes I don't like knowing.
	You don't want to see that animal in public and be like, that's a seven right there.
	I'm like, I'm going to go for it.
	Well, yeah.
	And we know enough now to either be able to survive or not survive.
	I think lizards would be number one.
	See?
	But there's not enough.
	Well, to catch.
	There's not enough meat on them.
	Could you do it, though?
	You think you could survive it?
	No.
	I don't think so.
	Damn.
	I mean, there's only so many.
	You don't even know in your heart.
	I'm asking you seriously.
	I mean, I would give it a solid try, but, you know, I get mad if my coffee's too hot at Starbucks.
	That's not the type of guy who's going to make it in wilderness.
	Right.
	You know?
	And you got to be willing to sacrifice somebody immediately.
	The first thing you need to do is take somebody else's life in order to show that you are dominant.
	Yeah, I don't think so because I remember one time I was really drunk in college and I tried to fight a guy and I went to go smash a glass bottle and the glass bottle didn't break.
	So I don't think that I, that was my.
	You're like, I'm just recycling.
	Yeah.
	That was my t-shirt tear.
	It didn't break.
	And after that, you know, I play that back in my head a lot when I think about alpha situations, manly shit.
	And I, and I just don't think, you know, I would give it a good go, but I would piggyback on other people.
	Like, I would become friends with the guy who could catch a boar.
	Right.
	And then I'd be like, bro, I got the cranberry sauce.
	Hey, Darren.
	Yeah, exactly.
	I'm bringing like accents.
	You know, oh, you need coconuts?
	I got you, bro.
	Let me get a lamb chop for a coconut.
	Right, right.
	Let me trade.
	Let me do something here.
	I mean, I...
	What's it on Instagram?
	I mean, you could chisel it into a tree.
	Like that, when I was a, when I was like real young, that was our Instagram was like writing, you know, I love, you know, Ron, you know.
	That was an Instagram story.
	You just like put a lock on a fence with your initials and you're like, Theo was here.
	It was crazy.
	Different people.
	People do that.
	People do just put locks on, what do they do?
	The initials of them and like a lover and put it on like a bridge.
	Yeah.
	You ever done that?
	I've never done that.
	I'm trying to think of, was there a young thing that you did when you were a child, like in young love, like some like thing you guys did together, like name?
	Oh, bro, I got one.
	What is it?
	In my old hometown room on the ceiling, there's like those little like neon, like glow-in-the-dark stars.
	Oh, yeah.
	Yeah.
	And they're still there.
	But.
	And they should be.
	The best is when they're still there when you're 30 or dude.
	Oh, bro.
	I was back over the holidays.
	You turn the lights off, smoke a little bit of that cush, and you look up and you're like, is that motherfucking Orion's belt?
	He's the ceiling fan.
	But when I was younger in like sixth grade, I would like name the stars after the girls I crushed is on.
	I'd be like, that's Krista.
	And that, like, you know, you're listening and being like, this is fucking pussy.
	But that, like, like, there was something about that that I was like, damn.
	It brought me, it was like hearing goodies by Sierra for the first time every time.
	That was one thing that I, that I, that I think I would, that I did.
	That's beautiful.
	You got anything like that?
	I got, there was this girl, Chrissy, that I was in love.
	I don't know if I was in love with her, but she lived close enough for me to be horny about.
	Which was the same thing.
	You know what I'm saying?
	But I was blocked.
	Oh.
	God, I remember just everything about her just, just God made, just, just made Seaman want to climb out of my body.
	You know?
	Semen want to take a peek.
	Oh.
	Like a gopher, seeing if his groundhog's there or not.
	Oh, you'd I'd hear semen just come up to the top of my tongue and just look out.
	You know what I'm saying?
	Like crawl back down.
	Or they go get the homies like, you got to see this shit.
	Yeah, let's ride, homie.
	Let's ride.
	And you just thought about her or you guys went on.
	I was in love with her, Trevor.
	I was in love with her.
	And you went on a couple dates with her?
	We were children.
	They didn't have dates.
	They didn't have any.
	Play date.
	Huh?
	Play date.
	No, no, no, no.
	We live near each.
	There's no play dates in my fucking neighborhood, dude.
	People were getting molested.
	I lived in a very suburban town.
	Yeah, this is way different, dude.
	Play dates, you know, two spots.
	This guy down the street used to bang this substitute teacher that lives in our neighborhood, this kid, basically he was 16. Yeah.
	And then he would chase us around in the church field with his car, in his car, try to hit us.
	And that was a date right there.
	That was a play date.
	Yeah.
	So basically, this dude was getting molested by an older woman.
	And then since we called him out, like, he would try to run over us.
	He just turned that bitch into Grand Theft Auto.
	Just a little bit of GPA in real life.
	Yeah, there was no play date going on.
	It was one kid that drooled all the time that we would all kind of spend time with.
	But I think that was more like a cry for help, I think, than anything.
	But what was I going to tell you about?
	Oh, so, oh, but I was in love with this girl, Chrissy, bro.
	God.
	And I remember she had part of her tooth was chipped out.
	You know, she had that little baby Lloyd Christmas on her, you know?
	And I remember always looking for pieces of rock or shell when I was like outside of the schoolhouse, like when they had all the gravel.
	Yeah.
	Trying to find one that would be like the best.
	The Cinderella story.
	Yeah.
	Did you ever find one?
	Yeah.
	I found a couple.
	I remember collecting five or six that were pretty close.
	Yeah.
	And I showed her one time.
	Somebody locked us in a room like, you guys need to get in there.
	You know, just some even better.
	Rocks.
	Probably some local 40-year-old.
	Same guy driving around in the car.
	Bro, there was so many creeps, man.
	And did any of them fit or no?
	Or did she like take any of them or was she like...
	I think she thought it was sweet.
	I would.
	I think it's sweet.
	I'd put it on a Puka Shell necklace.
	Oh, yeah.
	If I'd have had that ability to make them necklace kits, you know?
	Yeah.
	That was always if somebody, if a girl liked somebody, a lot of time they would get that necklace kit and put the thing Randy, you know, and spell it out.
	You get that thing that breaks.
	We had a dumb one where if you take the inside of like an aquafina water bottle, the cap, it's like a plastic, and you like, you can make the plastic a wristband.
	And the weird joke was like, if they put it on you and it broke, you had to like make out with them.
	Oh, really?
	So you were always praying it break.
	You like tensing up your knuckles, sneeze extra hard.
	Oh, fuck.
	I guess we got to make out.
	No mech.
	But yeah, the inside of an aquafina cap is like a little rubber thing you can poke out the center, make a little wristband.
	But you see a kid, Like, maybe a guy who, like, probably has a couple of like misdemeanors now, but he'd have like three wristbands on him growing up, and you're like, got some puss this morning.
	That was, yeah, I feel like growing up was always just a way to flex, you know, just like having a girl wear your football jersey.
	You know, you walked to school with a hickey.
	Everybody wore tank tops on hickey day.
	We caught two dudes sucking on each other's neck, doing fake hickeys on each other one time.
	Yeah.
	Damn.
	But had they not got caught, those dudes would have fucked.
	Then they would have fucked each other.
	Yeah, maybe.
	I mean, that's true.
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	Do you think in the future, I think in the future, everybody, do you feel like more everybody's just going to be just kind of ambisextrous, like everybody's just going to be...
	I think it's going to be a charcuterie board of fucking.
	It's a little bit of everything.
	Yeah.
	You're like, I like that.
	I like some of this.
	If I'm drunk, a little bit of that.
	If I'm high, I don't want anything.
	I just want myself.
	Yeah, I mean, it's just like...
	I feel like that's where it definitely...
	But now they got enough people.
	Got enough.
	That box is checked.
	And I mean, I found out about what a surrogate was a year ago.
	And what do you mean by that?
	Like when somebody else holds your baby for you.
	This is a true thing.
	I said it on my podcast, but I thought...
	Stiff socks, baby.
	Yes, sir.
	But I thought the dude fucked, like, let's say Miranda is the surrogate.
	She's going to hold the baby.
	I thought the dad put it in her.
	I thought he fucked her.
	But it's not that at all.
	They just shoot it up in there with like a, you know, not a syringe, but a syringe type of feel.
	So you thought the dad went, the dad and wife got a strange woman and the dad went out.
	I was like, why wouldn't you want to surrogate?
	That's fucking two birds, one bone, baby.
	Why wouldn't you?
	If you can get your wife to agree, you're going to save a lot of money because otherwise it's like $110,000, I think, to go to a center, drop it off to the whole thing.
	Then that dude goes over there and does it.
	What a creep that dude is.
	Right, but that's also just weird.
	I mean, and if you are a surrogate baby, turn up.
	But it is weird to nut into a cup and be like, my son or daughter's in there.
	And then you just hope.
	But I mean, that's the same thing as seeing a pregnant woman.
	You're like, hey, there's a kid in there.
	Well, I think we are getting past the days where someone's going to carry their own child.
	That's getting weird.
	Like, I think by the time I have grandchildren, and I don't even have any children, I'm also fucking lonely.
	But by the time someone who knows me is younger, it would be very weird to be like, hey, look at this picture of when I was in my mud.
	I think that's starting.
	It's going to be, you're going to be in a center where you're going to be completed.
	It'll be like, you don't need an iPhone charger to plug into the wall every day.
	You got a portable.
	So you can be like, I got a portable stomach that I can just have a kid in.
	Yeah.
	Which, you know, can you take the carpool lane with that?
	Probably.
	But gestation.
	Now, if you love gestation, you could be like, oh, I'm old-fashioned.
	I'm going to have me a child.
	Right.
	And people are like, you're crazy.
	People that still roll their own cigarettes, you know?
	It'd be same type of people.
	Yeah.
	I still, it is mind-blowing to me that the body hasn't been like, like, let me get a part two.
	Like, how we, I agree.
	We got new iPhones every other goddamn day, but how do I not have a drink holder in my hands that aren't my hands?
	And I know everyone's like, oh, your hands, but like, sometimes you're holding enough shit.
	You're bringing enough stuff in the car.
	You're like, I need a fucking, a big gulp right here.
	You need something to hook in between two of my ribs.
	Right.
	Exactly.
	Why do we got to sleep for eight hours every night?
	You know, where's the USB-C charger I can just plug in my ass?
	Right.
	Get going.
	I think we're getting close, man.
	Yeah, just some, some stuff seems a little dated.
	We used to have tails as humans, huh?
	Did we really?
	I believe so.
	Oh, wow.
	And then just over time.
	So I'm wondering in the future, over time, what are we not going to have?
	What are we going to lose?
	Well, I think at that point you start to look at aliens, man.
	And you look at aliens, and they're always the creature has big eyes, big brain, or big head, you know, cavern head.
	And which was a nickname of some kid at our school, too, when I was a kid.
	Cavern head.
	Yeah, he wasn't doing real well.
	He was smart, though?
	I mean, he passed away.
	So he wasn't smart enough for God to keep alive, but he was, you know, he was, I guess he was kind of handsome when they fucking dressed him up.
	But a lot of fedoras on that boy.
	Oh, dude, I went to school and I had a crazy story, but they had a lot of the special ed kids dress up in suits one year to like to like want to, like, there was a new teacher, and he's like, we're going to have all the boys are going to wear suits.
	And it was just like.
	Yeah.
	It was just crazy that he just took impress the teachers.
	Just to like, like, why are the special ed kids all in suit?
	Like, it was like.
	Did you want a suit the next day?
	It kind of makes me want to suit.
	I mean, I think it hyped the game.
	It definitely hyped a little bit of fashion at school.
	Yeah.
	So that was good, but I don't, I just think that overall, I don't know if it was like.
	You know, it was just kind of a weird move for them to do.
	But anyway, what were we talking about?
	Oh, kissing that girl.
	Human tails.
	What are we going to have in the future that we're not doing?
	Oh, well, I'll tell you this.
	So, aliens, if you look at...
	40. Ever?
	40 cases.
	So how many is that?
	40 times to what?
	24?
	So that's 288.
	That's per year?
	There's 40 tails?
	There's more cases.
	No, it's more than that.
	If you're born with a tail, you keeping it?
	Now I am.
	Yeah.
	I think 20 years ago you said no.
	Yeah.
	You know?
	Take his tail off.
	Yeah, I mean, they'd fucking burn you at the stake.
	You're a witch, dude.
	Well, back in the day, I think it was a real bad look.
	But now it's more like you'll, you know, next you'll be in a video with Willow Smith in an hour if you don't fucking take it.
	That could also be the extra hand I'm looking for.
	You know, you're fucking carrying in your groceries on that bitch.
	Using it, yeah.
	What if your tail could just part your hair for you?
	That'd be great, bro.
	Now, what about this, though?
	Um, what are we talking about?
	Oh, I think so.
	If you look at aliens, the head, the eyes are big.
	Their hands and legs, there's nothing even to them.
	Like, if you look at an aliens, but it's always just like this long, it's not even used.
	It's like they didn't finish drawing it.
	Right.
	And it's like they just don't use them anymore.
	The Simpsons only got four fingers.
	Is that true?
	Yeah.
	People think that's for like, you know, animation.
	No, it's just laziness.
	Wow.
	I fucking forgot to put one on because that's the last thing you draw.
	Nobody's going to start an animation with hands.
	That's insane.
	Start with hands?
	Like, what is it?
	What do you mean?
	Like, like, you know, you start drawing an anime, like, of a person with their face, and then you work down.
	Oh, yeah.
	So hands are the last thing you draw.
	It doesn't even matter if you have three, four.
	Four is good.
	Oh, yeah.
	They got three middle and then one, one thumb.
	But I like that.
	It's kind of cool.
	You don't, I mean, what do you really need?
	I mean, some of these could go.
	Which finger are you taking off first?
	Pinky?
	Oh, hold on.
	I would take this third finger out.
	Is that the ring finger?
	Yeah.
	That's a ring finger.
	Yeah.
	That's going to make it real hard for a girl to be like, you're trying to be forever?
	And you're like, I can't.
	Yeah, I can't.
	I would, but the Lord told me not to.
	That is funny.
	My grandpa didn't have that finger.
	He got cut.
	He worked in a sawmill in Ohio, and he was like doing something down the line.
	Snipped it right off.
	Dude, my dad had part of his finger was taken off.
	Somebody slammed a door on it.
	That hard?
	Yeah.
	Crazy.
	And doors, that was back when doors were a lot more.
	Made out of like lead and shit.
	Just healthier doors.
	But my school teacher also was missing this part of his finger.
	Listen, what happened to him?
	It was his ring.
	He was at a baseball game for his son and it hooked on the bleachers and he stood up to cheer for him and it pulled his finger off.
	Fuck.
	Well, whatever the play was, must have been good.
	To stand up, that's an RBI right there.
	That's dedicated.
	He's like yelling and screaming.
	Yeah, something right there.
	You don't just get up for, well, maybe it could have been a bad play too.
	Like, what the fuck, ref lost a finger.
	But oh.
	Yeah, what were we just talking about again?
	What mutation on a human do you think you could be good with and without in the future?
	Finger?
	Lose one?
	Well, it's just when you look at aliens, it's mostly just the head and eyes.
	So at that point, it's just become this data center.
	Gotcha.
	The rest of these things are things you don't even use anymore.
	And I think that's what a lot of things are becoming.
	It's like if you go to the store, there's a self-checkout.
	There's only like two dudes in there now.
	Yeah.
	You know, it used to be a lady working as a nice.
	Now it's two dudes in there.
	You know, one of them's always hitting on the other one and not into it.
	It doesn't even work there.
	He's wearing a blimpy t-shirt.
	Where the fuck?
	What's the thing you can take out of your body you don't need?
	Liver.
	Yeah.
	You have that, esophagus, bitches in the back.
	What do they call it?
	Your drums.
	I know, in the throat.
	Tonsils.
	Tonsils.
	There's so much stuff you don't need.
	But what I'm wondering is, but that's what I feel like aliens are just people that aliens, they just come back to visit Earth and they're like, oh, this place is a dump.
	And then they jet.
	I think they, it's almost like if your parents took you to like, what would be like the shittiest place you could?
	Harvard Boulevard.
	To the library.
	Library's up there.
	Like if you go to the library now, you walk in there, it's like two homeless dudes, you know, humming on each other, probably.
	Harry Potter books open, you know?
	Yeah, open, bro.
	Open.
	Chamber of secrets is some dude looking in his own ass Over in the periodicals, you know, like basically, I'd stay for that.
	Okay, right.
	I'd stay for that.
	You'd stay and look around.
	You'd take your kid in there to say, hey, look, this is what it used to be.
	I'm going to go to the bathroom.
	I'm going to go film this and send him to World Star hip-hop.
	They can license it for $62.
	But that's what aliens are now.
	That's why they're not staying and hanging out.
	They're basically stopping by like the oldest civilization.
	There's so many more hype civilizations out there.
	100%.
	What's the first city you think aliens would visit in the U.S.?
	Like if they're like, bro, you're going to Earth?
	You got to go.
	Or like, where do you go?
	No, they would probably go to Tokyo for sure.
	I think you got it.
	Yeah, because they're aliens, dude.
	They're like really hyped up.
	And Asians are probably the closest to aliens.
	I think that that's kind of even they know it.
	I think if an Asian person sees an alien, they don't even, I feel like they don't even tell you.
	That's probably why.
	That's the homie.
	That's what I'm saying, dude.
	So yeah, if you dialed in like that, then.
	What place in America do you think they'd go?
	Like what city do you think they would just like?
	America?
	Yeah, but like on a vacation.
	Like, you know, when people are just like, oh, you got to go down to.
	I'm not coming here anymore, Trevor.
	That's what I'm trying to tell you.
	They're not coming.
	It's like, imagine if your parents kept taking you to the shit.
	It's almost like, I'm going to take you to, you know, trying to think of a place.
	Or when they first started out, do you think they were like, you got to go down to PCB?
	When they first started out, I bet, yeah, San Diego probably was really cool to see.
	I bet New York City was probably pretty good.
	But the buildings are so tall, nobody can even see the aliens when they're.
	You can't land them, yeah.
	Yeah, and you can't even land them.
	So it's almost like you want to get in a more rural area.
	Santa Fe, New Mexico.
	Pennsylvania.
	Pennsylvania.
	Branton.
	Pennsylvania is basically just a woodwork.
	It's basically like it's kind of like the Santa Fe of the East.
	I think.
	It's very calm.
	I don't know if anybody's ever yelled in Pennsylvania.
	That's a lie.
	People definitely puzzle.
	You think?
	They wake up and they just go, fuck.
	That's some pretty good shows.
	Dude, one of my favorite shows is out there in Wilkes-Barra, Pennsylvania, man.
	Yeah.
	Well, I mean, you got Pittsburgh.
	You got some good cities out there.
	Oh, yeah.
	Pennsylvania is pretty sick, man.
	You got the Dutch.
	You got the Amish.
	Out there?
	They're full Amish.
	Dude, you see 100% Amish out there.
	Now, where are you going on your tour?
	I know you got a tour coming up.
	I do, dude.
	I'm actually starting in New Orleans.
	I'm excited for that.
	Yeah.
	Which is interesting because I've never heard anything about New Orleans for comedy.
	Yeah.
	I don't know why.
	I don't even have anything to tell you.
	You're a Louisiana boy, yeah?
	Yeah, but they just don't have a, it's not a real comedy place, you know?
	Yeah.
	I will say out of all the ticket sales, out of the, it's like a 28 city thing.
	It's like a big thing.
	The place that's selling the least, dolla, baby.
	Yeah.
	Because they're like, I don't give a shit.
	I'm sucking crawfish right now.
	Right.
	They're doing other stuff.
	That's the thing about New Orleans.
	You'll hear just as much funny stuff from your neighbor.
	You'll hear, there's just so many good stories and so much like there's more about music.
	It's a real city of like revelry.
	And to stop into a place and watch some guy tell jokes is very foreign to New Orleans.
	I can see that.
	And their style.
	I think you said it best.
	It's like they already have enough shit going on.
	It's like you got to go to a random place to really, you know, Grand Rapids.
	You got to go there.
	But for New Orleans, like, there's always shit popping off.
	I need a good belly laugh.
	I mean, look, if you're in New Orleans, fucking come on out.
	But it's kind of all over.
	You know, I'm kind of doing all over the U.S., a lot of Florida, St. Louis, Ohio, fucking Portland, Seattle.
	There's like 28 cities like that.
	That's awesome, man.
	Congratulations.
	Thanks, man.
	It's my first big tour tour.
	The rest have just been kind of little one-offs here.
	And, you know, just the typical weekends at clubs.
	But this one is cool, man.
	I'm really excited for it.
	What, do you have a name for it?
	Yeah, it's the Are You That Guy tour?
	Oh, yeah, because people always say that.
	Yeah, I mean, it's just like, it kind of started as a joke that my friends would say, like at a bar.
	Because I love drinkers as my hometown friends because they don't give a shit about any of this stuff.
	They still remember when I got caught on a chain link fence trying to hop it in like ninth grade.
	That's happened to me when I was in love.
	Oh, with the bar.
	No, I was stuck on a fence.
	We missed a UFC fight we're supposed to watch that night because I got stuck on a fence for like an hour and a half.
	I just didn't, I couldn't commit.
	But that, they'll bring that shit up.
	One time I tried to jump over a bush and I tripped on the bush hedge.
	Like I ran and just fell face first.
	And a lady driving by in a car goes, that's gotta hurt.
	And they still say that to me to this day, I'm like, that's gotta hurt.
	So I love drinking with them.
	But whenever we go out, a lot of times.
	This is a safe area y'all were in, huh?
	Oh, yeah.
	People were driving speed.
	That sounds like safe shit.
	Yeah.
	No, very safe.
	Hedges.
	This was in front of a Ralph's.
	Yeah.
	You know.
	Yeah, I remember people betting on how many dogs, a baby dogs was going to.
	Yeah.
	And people would be out there betting on it.
	Yeah, we had a lot of shit like at the dentist.
	You guessed how many jelly beans were in the mason jar and you got like free dentistry.
	It was like that.
	Shit like that.
	So yeah, a lot of times I like to drink with them because somebody will like, the most common thing is like a lot of people know the face, but they might not know the name.
	It's like, oh, I've seen a video of yours before, but they don't know the name.
	So it's a lot of like, oh, are you that guy?
	Are you that guy?
	And then it kind of just like, I think it's a cool way to have like a narrative behind the tour name.
	You know, I think it's like at first I was like, I don't really care.
	It doesn't matter what the tour name is.
	But I think it is cool if you can have kind of a overall theme of it.
	So I talk a little bit about it in my standup about being like just like, you know, people, they know the face, but they don't know the name.
	What does that mean?
	And people rec people all the time think I'm Trevor Lawrence, Jacksonville Jaguars quarterback.
	I get tagged in his shit.
	Whenever they have a shitty game, people will DM me.
	I've called you that this week.
	You know, saying to somebody, Trevor Lawrence.
	Yeah, somebody called me Trevor Noah before.
	That's kind of cool.
	That is nice.
	That's progressive, man.
	That is.
	You got to get out there.
	So, you know, there's like three important Trevors in the world, and I might be half of one of them.
	So I think it's just a cool overall theme, you know, of just being like, you know, it's the video stuff is great, but, you know, I've been doing stand-up for like nine years now, eight, nine years.
	So it's like, you know, it's like a different lane.
	It's different from videos, but it's just, you know, just good, good shit.
	Good time.
	Cool, man.
	Yeah, congrats on yo.
	You worked on a show out in, where were we, New Jersey?
	Oh, yeah.
	Fucking.
	Remember those two shows at night during COVID, wasn't it?
	Yeah, it was at a horse track.
	Red Bank, New Jersey.
	Red Ocean.
	Red Bank.
	Yeah, those were interesting.
	Those were good shows.
	It was just so, it was just such a weird setup.
	Yeah, it was a wild setup.
	And the second one was cold.
	I remember getting a little bit.
	Really cold.
	Really cold.
	Yeah, that was a year ago, maybe?
	That was middle COVID.
	That was peak COVID.
	It was definitely over a year ago.
	Because it was in, it was like October or November.
	I remember I was doing dates out there.
	But we did do that, man.
	Yeah, that was a good time.
	But I just remember that was the first time I really sat in a crowd to watch a stand-up show was to watch a set after.
	Because I feel like as a comedy, you kind of just do your shit and you sit in the back.
	But when's the last time you just sat in the middle of a crowd and just was like, I'm going to just enjoy it for what it is?
	Yeah.
	It's much different, you know?
	It is different.
	Well, you start to see what people are even, some people you see also, they want to be there.
	They start to know the guy.
	Like I watched a show of Brennan Shaubs not long ago.
	And I was like, oh, a lot of these people are happy just to see him because they see him on video.
	They see him on.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	And it's like a lot of audience, they just want to come.
	It really is like a showing of support.
	Yeah.
	Like watching with a smile almost.
	Right.
	It's like, yeah, I think this, they might be like, I think this guy's funny.
	They might think this guy is my favorite comedian.
	But there's also this other separate thing that it's just like, I want to be there with this person.
	Right.
	You know?
	And it was also cool to give me more assurance because after that show, I was talking to you and you're kind of like, yeah, it was all right.
	It was a little like, you felt a little like shaky on it.
	But I was sitting in the crowd.
	I was like, you know, everybody was laughing the whole time.
	So sometimes, you know, you forget you're in an outside.
	This was outside of super spaced out, but every table had their laughs.
	Yeah.
	But, you know, when you said you're like, oh, it was okay.
	I was like, no, you were crushing the whole time.
	But it's weird to think when you're up there that you might not be doing well.
	But then you put yourself in the crowd and you're like, oh, it was great.
	Yeah.
	So it was cool to just be in the middle of it and kind of just watch it.
	It was fun, man.
	Yeah, I'll, for some reason, I always feel like I didn't do good.
	I think because I just hold, I always want to do great.
	Yeah.
	But that means you care about the craft.
	Every, I mean, like, maybe like twice in my life, I've gotten off stage and be like, oh, I'll fucking crush.
	It just sounds weird to get off and be like, I'm the man.
	You know?
	Yeah, sometimes I wish I had more of that in me.
	Right.
	I think it would do well.
	Yeah, but there's definitely times you get off and you're like, oh, no, that was a good set.
	But I would never like out loud be like, oh, fucking murder that shit.
	It just sounds crazy.
	Because then somebody else is like, all right, seven minutes.
	Yeah, but if a if a woman hears it to like, that guy's a king.
	You know, you know, I'm going to start saying it.
	I'm going to say it this weekend.
	Yeah.
	Murder that shit.
	I don't know.
	I just feel like coming up in the open mic scene, you would hear somebody be like, oh, fucking crushed.
	And then you like watch their set and you're like, asterisk?
	Maybe.
	What does that mean?
	So you just kind of like, yeah, I don't want to, I don't know.
	Maybe, I think it's just an artist thing to always think you can do better.
	I feel that time all the way.
	Every time I post a video, I'm like, I could have done this, could have done that.
	Every time I get off set, I'm like, could have done this.
	Something's wrong in my head.
	I wake up in the morning and I'm thinking, fuck, man, you could do better than this.
	Just the second you wake up.
	Every day.
	That's it.
	Just look in the mirror.
	Oh, it's a negative start, brother.
	Positive affirmations.
	Some people wake up and they're like, you can do this.
	You are all holy.
	You are God.
	And you just look in the mirror and I'm like, man, fuck.
	Brick.
	Fucking Steve Rock.
	Strike on a Tuesday.
	Right out of the gate.
	But it's good.
	But some days it gets better.
	What else was I going to ask you about, dude?
	Oh, I saw you at Simon Rex's movie premiere.
	Yeah.
	Simon Rex is one of those guys who I've just been watching for forever.
	Yeah.
	And it was cool to kind of get connected with him.
	But yeah, we saw Red Rocket.
	And Lima's a big fan of you.
	Simon's a big fan of yours.
	Simon's a great man.
	Yeah.
	He's the best.
	He's really good.
	Really talented actor, too.
	Yeah, that was wild, huh?
	How wild has that whole?
	I mean, Simon Rex and Simon's been on here before.
	Him and actually Young Gravy.
	Gravy, yeah, that's a boy of mine, too, yeah.
	And Simon and Simon's been a friend of Simon's like the first guy that really kind of turned me on in some ways onto people.
	He like, I remember he put out a tweet one day and he's like, hey, man, this guy, he just said some really nice shit.
	And I was like, oh my God.
	About you?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	And then I saw him at one of my shows and he was sitting, just sitting in the back and I got to meet him and I was stoked.
	And then we became really close friends, actually.
	For a while, the pandemics kind of kept us separate.
	Yeah, but he kind of checked.
	It was weird because he was just fully off the grid in the pandemic.
	He moved like the desert.
	Yeah, he moved out there.
	And then he got this call for this.
	He got this call for this movie, Red Rocket.
	And then he's, I think he won.
	He's winning shit for that.
	He was on the front page of Hollywood Reporter.
	Yeah.
	So it's like sometimes that's just the journey and the path, not to get all fucking zen out CBD.
	But it is, there's no, I don't know if there's a better story.
	He's the he's like almost the.
	Dude, he was banging Paris Hilton at one point.
	Yeah.
	I mean, yeah, and there's, if that, yeah, there's definitely an up from there.
	But it's just like, you would never be like, I'm going to go to the desert and then book a movie role.
	Sometimes you just got to go and like give it time and like figure out what you really want.
	And I mean, he's proven himself to so many industries.
	Well, he's just been, I mean, just to have gone and been like, I'm just going to do what I want to do, build himself a home out in the desert.
	I'm going to chill out.
	Sean Baker, the director or whatever, sees him from Instagram or from something or just sees his work or sees who he is.
	Yeah.
	And he said, this is the guy who can play this role.
	And that was the amazing thing about the role.
	It's like, I don't know if anybody else could have been that perfect for it.
	It just fit him.
	It didn't even look like he was acting.
	He was just being that character.
	Right.
	And that's what like the best acting is.
	People that don't look like they're acting.
	Yeah, that's pretty.
	That's tough, man.
	You fucking, you think about you.
	For me, acting feels like I'm just high.
	I'm thinking about every move.
	I'm like, would I say that?
	Is that right?
	I don't really like that acting.
	Here we go.
	And all right.
	Oh, the guy walks in.
	How are you?
	Oh, you're doing good?
	Yeah, acting is really...
	I know you had to show you.
	I was pitching some stuff.
	I would only want to do it if it was with my friends and like, there wasn't high stakes.
	There was like super high stakes where it's like, you know, me and Timothy, you know, Chalame got a riff on some shit.
	I'm like nervous.
	I'm in my head.
	I'm like, this jawline, you could fucking cut a pepperoni with that.
	So like, I'm just getting, like, I would get my head.
	I would want to like, if me and you were like doing something or like I was on, like, if I did Dave or something with, with like Lil Dickie and Santino, like that would be cool because you're like, it feels like a little less pressure.
	But even then, fucking 75 people on set.
	There's somebody who just brings you like a hair tie and you're like, I don't even need this shit in my hair right now.
	It's just too much sometimes.
	It's like, I like how I film where it's like me, a few other people, and a camera guy, like three people max, three, four people.
	Right.
	Because then it's just like...
	You know?
	So you get to be the editor of it.
	So you really get to be.
	Do you think that's part of it?
	I think, I think I like being in control.
	I also, I feel like the more people, the more expectations.
	I think like I love and stand up when I'm blinded.
	Like when it's like the light is super bright on me.
	Cause like when I can see everybody in the crowd, I get in my head and I'm like, oh, fuck, this person's not looking at me.
	They're on their phone, this and that.
	So I get in my head easily.
	And then if I'm looking behind a camera and then there's like 40 people behind it, sometimes it's hard to zone out and be like, okay, just do it your best at zone in on your craft.
	Because sometimes you're thinking and you see somebody like fucking like roll their eyes in the back.
	You know, like, am I bombing up here?
	Right.
	You see somebody drink out of the cup or something?
	You're like, what?
	What the fuck?
	Are you thirsty doing my shit, dog?
	Fucking dry throat.
	You're not laughing, dude?
	Lube up them chops.
	So can't you see, bro?
	I'm freaking making magic.
	Yeah, and I've been on a few sets before and it's just like a lot of long days.
	It just takes the funny out of it.
	The best stuff is like, is pointing at your cameraman and be like, oh, get this real quick.
	Get this real quick.
	But you can't go up to a fucking DP who gets paid $97 a minute and be like, yo, get this?
	He's like, what?
	This ain't a vlog.
	So I'm off the clock.
	Yeah, exactly.
	He's like, you got to get that approved by this and that.
	I mean, yeah, the best part about the sets is just they got a lot of like licorice.
	So that's nice.
	Yeah, they got the snacks.
	That thing's nice.
	But when I think about it sometimes, yeah, I think about like, do what I, sometimes it'd be nice to have a break from doing touring and stuff.
	I guess you can just take a break.
	Yeah.
	I would want to work on something that I was a fan of, I think I would say.
	You know, I had an I've had auditions for like all types of shit, but one, I had an audition for a curb.
	And that one I was like legit stoked on.
	And they riff.
	There wasn't even the interview.
	Not the interview.
	Fuck it up.
	This is why I don't book anything.
	The audition, you're just supposed to riff a scene.
	And I was like, that's, that's, that's dope.
	That's amazing.
	You're not like trying to focus over word by word.
	You're just like, this is my interpretation of it.
	But that type of shit, I'm cool.
	If I was a fan of the show, I'd be down.
	But sometimes they're like, all right, you're going to play a marshmallow and a sci-fi.
	Like, what the fuck even is this?
	And that's a real audition I went on last year.
	Yeah.
	And I did not get it.
	Even worse.
	When some of these things they send me out on, damn, I can't be a dessert.
	It's funny because I get these auditions and I think like, I don't want to do this shit.
	It's like, well, you can't even book it, dog.
	Right.
	What do you have to complain about?
	You didn't even book being somebody's Ugboot, you pussy.
	So, I mean, yeah, you've done that.
	That is a good point, man, because I'll say a lot of times, like, man, I would hate to do that shit, but then I'm not even getting offered to do that shit.
	Actually, I've gotten offered some things.
	I got offered different voices and animations and stuff like that that I've passed on.
	Yeah.
	I think sometimes it's just amount of time.
	Have you done traditional stuff?
	Like, you've been on like enough sets and shit?
	I've done some stuff.
	I got to almost did a movie with Chris Pratt.
	Okay.
	But that was like, I got there and it was just so much.
	It was like a 12-week commitment.
	And it was just such a small thing.
	And it was just.
	Who were you playing?
	I'm grateful to him.
	I was just playing like a, it was like kind of like a rednecky kind of guy in a postpartum war or something.
	So you in like 2073?
	Yeah, something like that.
	All right.
	And it was cool.
	I saw it.
	It was cool.
	Oh, you saw the dude who played your role?
	No, they didn't end up putting another person in my role.
	That's good.
	I would have been pissed if they put somebody else in there.
	But I think when I got there, they didn't exactly even know what the role was.
	They were still figuring it out.
	That was the interesting thing.
	It was just such a like leap of faith, I think.
	Was Chris just like, which is insane, just call him first name bases.
	Was he just like, oh, I fuck with Theo.
	Let's just get him in on something?
	Yeah, yeah.
	That's cool.
	He actually just hit me up and asked me.
	That's how I think it should be more of.
	Yeah.
	You know?
	I think it is.
	Everything's getting like that.
	Yeah, I think so.
	You know, all the, it's like, you just hit your friends up and say, sometimes anyway.
	We think about like Sam, like, he's just been casting his homies for the past like 30 years.
	And that's the way to do it.
	That's why the chemistry is so great.
	And it's like, you see, and people are like, oh, they work so well on screen.
	It's like, yeah, it's their 20th movie together.
	Yeah.
	Well, that was another thing that was there.
	There was no, that's one thing that Spade always says.
	He's like, dude, if you're going to do a movie, you want to spend time with your friends, it's going to be six weeks, you know, at least with who you do want to be with.
	Right.
	You want to probably be with buddies or people you enjoy having dinner with.
	But, yeah, I don't know.
	I mean, these days you just don't know.
	I know Tim Dylan wants to do a movie.
	You know, people want to do different things.
	I think it would be interesting, I think, to do something and then just sell it directly to people.
	Yeah.
	You know, that's what I think would be really interesting.
	Yeah, the hard part is like 97 platforms to stream on now.
	But it's like I can shoot something and put a little bit of money into it and just put it on YouTube or something.
	I don't really know what I don't know what people want these days, you know?
	Yeah, and you told me, and I remember this, you know, that a lot of your crew, it's hard to even watch a long movie.
	Bro, my phone goes off.
	I get one text.
	I can't go more in two minutes without being like, all right, who is it?
	Bank of America or the homies?
	Right.
	Neither.
	But for watching a movie, you mean?
	Yeah, it's just something about like, like, I almost got to put my shit on airplane mode just so I don't even think about it.
	Because it's like, if your phone buzzes, it's weird to not be like, oh, I wonder what that is.
	Right.
	You can go straight to start to finish on the movie, no phone touch.
	It's hard, but it's definitely happening more.
	But I'm trying to do it purposely.
	But sometimes I'm like, do you ever turn your phone off for like half a day?
	I need to.
	I got a buddy who's all into that shit.
	He'll like turn his phone off and go to the beach.
	And I'm like, I'm just all into that shit.
	He just leaves it at home and just drives to the beach.
	But I'm like, how do you get to the beach?
	You just head west.
	I don't know.
	That part is weird.
	Cause then you like, I don't know.
	No, it's not great.
	I fucking, I watch TikToks till my eyes are bleeding.
	Like, it's not good.
	It's not good.
	Well, I started noticing when a lot of TikTok, the songs would show up in my dreams that I wasn't doing good.
	That's horrendous.
	I knew I wasn't good.
	Renegades on there while you're just on a dragon.
	Oh, I knew I wasn't doing good.
	Honestly, it's muscle memory.
	It's like I'll be peeing and then I'm just scrolling.
	It's like, if I liked your Instagram photo, I was probably peeing.
	My dick was in the other hand.
	I should be in jail for that.
	A lot of pedos out there, man.
	Okay, Put me in that boat, but you know.
	Well, not you, but I'm just saying it's not.
	I don't know if it's more popular or less popular.
	Pedophilia?
	Yeah.
	I think there's a lot of more closeted ones because you can see so much stuff.
	There's a lot of like, I'm amazed there's not things that block someone, an adult from talking to a child on social media platforms.
	You'd think.
	It's just.
	Like, how do they feel no responsibility for that?
	Like, that feels crazy.
	Oh, like Google?
	Or no, like Instagram or Snapchat.
	Like, there's nothing that says that a 40-year-old can't talk to a 15. There's no like thing that stops one from messaging the other.
	That is weird.
	You should have to answer a question before you DM that person.
	And you're like, what's your favorite tear bear?
	And if you answer that, jail.
	Yeah.
	If you answer that, even type out a letter.
	Anything that's just not no.
	Yeah, it is weird.
	I don't know.
	But the web is like, there's so many layers.
	Like my friends were like showing me like how deep you can get on Reddit, like what type of weird shit you can find in there.
	And it's like, Oh, yeah.
	You can, there's like.
	What is it?
	What's all on there?
	I don't even, I don't even know.
	It's like a forum, and there's like little sub-reddits, which is like a smaller forums, like groups of, like, literally.
	You can see some of that.
	I use Reddit for porn.
	I'm not going to lie.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	You can find some cool stuff in there because it's just really specific stuff, you know?
	Like a girl choking on like a pine cone or something.
	Oh, damn.
	Yeah.
	Oh, that's reforestation.
	Right.
	Yeah.
	That's the real forest gump right there.
	But so, but yeah, it's just like it's, you can get so deep down in just kind of anything.
	It's like the internet probably does try to like block out the weirdos, but there's probably people jerking off of the Chick-fil-A website, being honest, just finding something on there to get off to.
	Oh, dude, we used to have a guy I remember that would come pick up a girl at our school, and I think he was, I don't know if he was a pedophile, but he was just older, you know?
	It sounds like, yeah.
	And he would all remember tell us about using like the Wendy's wrapper, the grease from the Wendy's wrapper to play with his, play with his body.
	Yeah, that man should be castrated.
	And I still, sometimes I wish I didn't think about that, but sometimes I still think about it.
	You ever drive by Wendy's and be like, I can try it.
	They do have pretty greasy burgers.
	No, I don't want to think about it like that.
	I just think sad about it.
	I just think, man, I wish that I didn't know that.
	I wish God didn't let me know that.
	You wish that Wendy's didn't have the frosty so you can disassociate the two.
	Dude, when I was in like junior high, yeah, that dude that came, I remember that would like do the bacon, like the hamburger, that guy, Wendy's guy.
	Yeah.
	He drove like this yellow cutlass sedan kind of car.
	And he had like done, he, you know, like people used to put flames on the side of stuff to make it look cool.
	Yeah.
	But he'd taken like a blowtorch and like just burnt the side of his car.
	And it was like.
	Just make it look like he was driving the speed of light.
	Yeah, it was just like some of his like his plan, his like plans didn't translate, I don't think that good.
	But um I mean, if there was ever a car to touch yourself in, that's up there.
	Oh, that'd probably be three or four.
	Oh, the seats were so comfortable.
	I think a Pontiac Aztec, probably the number one car you can touch yourself in.
	Oh, yeah.
	I mean, it's just a weird car, but they don't catch your eye enough.
	But if you look close, they probably do.
	Dude, we used to have a lot of men would drive over by the Winn-Dixie in our town and all be back there crying or touching themselves.
	It's one or the other.
	Do you think they ever did both at the same time?
	Can you be hard and crying?
	I don't think I could.
	That seems like a lot of stuff.
	I think I probably.
	You gotta focus.
	I feel like the immediate answer was yes in my head.
	It's as sad as that is.
	Happy tears, maybe.
	You can do happy tears, but you can't be like bawling about like that's weird.
	Yeah, I don't think you'd be balling about it.
	What else are they going to say?
	Oh, we had a lot of narcs back then because I remember a lot of dudes would get sent back to our school and they'd be narcs, you know?
	Yeah.
	And we had a few of those, the J-R-O-T-C kids.
	Did y'all?
	Yeah.
	They would like dress up like cops on like Friday nights at football games.
	They would just pretty much just tell you to throw your trash away.
	Yeah, yeah.
	I don't know what they're doing now.
	And they would have wooden guns sometimes.
	After school, there was always this group of kids running around the halls with like wooden guns.
	Yeah.
	And there was JRO.
	It was like flipping around and shit.
	It was ROTSY, yeah.
	Yeah.
	And they'd always be like, have like these kind of like semi kind of like marine haircuts.
	Yeah.
	Even though they didn't have to get them, I think they just got them anyway.
	And then they gave themselves cauliflower ear a little bit just to possibly themselves.
	The wooden gun's weird because you're like, what are you going to do to somebody?
	Give them a splinter in the forehead to fucking freeze.
	Some of these dudes were savages.
	And they would all do that car speed thing where they would race their cars and put the quarter mile on the window.
	You know, they would ride it on there.
	Yeah, yeah.
	That was huge.
	Like 3.5.
	How would you tell a narc?
	Was it pretty obvious?
	They just, like, when they weren't in camo or whatever the fuck they're wearing, cargo shorts?
	In our town, it was easy to tell narcs because the police were just, it was small.
	They were too nice to them.
	Well, and the guy would always, we'd be like, what town are you from?
	And he would be like, oh, I'm from just like right over at Creek.
	Yeah, anybody.
	Tuck dogs had no creek.
	There's no towns around here.
	There's no creeks around here, bro.
	You just spilt in Icelandic water.
	Just pick a town, bro.
	You couldn't even name a town.
	And I remember some of the narcs would be like this 35. Oh, they had like this one dude who was like 35 years old, and he came back as a narc and he had real smooth skin.
	And he was like kind of, I don't know if he's.
	Yeah, that's big narc energy.
	If you got smooth skin selling drugs, no zits, and you're selling drugs, that doesn't check out.
	And he would just, yeah, he would like, he kept saying that he was from Texas or something, you know, some place that like people like knew about, but didn't really had never been.
	And then I remember he started dating a girl at our school, and then they busted him for being a pervert.
	And he was supposed to be busting us.
	Yeah.
	It'd be your own narcs, you know?
	He married that girl, Lauren, actually, which is crazy.
	He went to jail, I think, and then got out and then married her.
	For pedophilia?
	I mean, I think he went for, you know, indecency with a minor.
	I think a lot of, why was it always history teachers that were the closest to pedophiles?
	Our history teacher, he would knock girls' pencils off the desk so he'd check out the rack when he dropped it.
	Now, that's not to give anybody ideas, but he would like, like, if you were like, oh, what's the answer?
	He'd knock off the pencil so you'd like reach down and he would just stare at the grand tetons.
	Stare at them nugs, huh?
	Stare at them.
	Them young nuggets.
	And he did that for a couple of years, real thick glasses.
	If somebody had 17-year-old tits, would you look at him?
	What?
	What are you doing?
	Don't ask what I'm doing.
	Don't ask what I'm doing.
	I'm not looking.
	Because it seems you're looking.
	Bro, it seems like you're in NARC right now, dude.
	Where's his feed going, huh?
	Where's his feed going?
	Nashville PD?
	Is that a producer?
	Is he a NARC?
	Yeah, I mean, that's a crazy question.
	Is it that crazy?
	Yeah, but this guy, dude, he came back to our school.
	Yeah, and his first thing was like, who's selling drugs?
	And we're like, what?
	That's what I'm saying.
	The questions they ask are crazy.
	Who's trying to do the weed?
	The.
	The.
	Who wants to smoke meth out of a spork?
	Dog gets a spoon.
	Fucking act right.
	Dude, NARCs are always the.
	And it was always some kid usually that had been in school for so long and couldn't graduate school.
	He dropped out.
	And now some.
	Through like he fake dropped out, but he still went to class under like an alias.
	You know, back with like a different name.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	You're like, this dude couldn't spell his first name, his original name, and now he's Lance.
	And NARCs never had plans.
	What are you guys doing tonight?
	It's like, you just know what you're doing on a Friday in high school.
	You know.
	But if you have to ask for plans, NARC.
	NARC's never had plans.
	They got like a face tattoo that's just a henna teardrop.
	And you're like, is that a henna?
	He's like, I got that shit blasted last night.
	Do you remember the first time you saw a tit out in public?
	I remember mine.
	In public?
	Yeah.
	In New Orleans, you saw them all the time.
	That was a thing at Mardi Gras.
	So that was another thing.
	You had like, you know, high school chicks was always out there showing their tits.
	Adult, you'd have a, you know, you'd have a 17-year-old and a 60-year-old showing their tits out there.
	You know?
	Yeah, I remember I was at Magic Mountain and they had this like, or not Magic Mountain, Splash Mountain.
	Or what's the fucking Raging Waters?
	One in California.
	Raging Waters.
	Yeah, that's the name of it.
	It's just like a amusement park, but it's all water.
	Right.
	SeaWorld.
	SeaWorld.
	Water Park, I believe they call it these days.
	Water park.
	Yeah, not SeaWorld, no, but it was Raging Waters.
	I don't know, man.
	I don't know.
	Yeah, but they had this, there was like this overflow of this water that was.
	Waterfall.
	Yeah, that would like waterfall, but like it wasn't on purpose.
	It was like overflow of a ride because it was like a berm that like spun out and it landed on this like mom and it hit the left side of her bikini.
	And yeah, there was tit out for like seven seconds.
	She didn't even know.
	It was crazy.
	I was like slapping my friends.
	Bring him out.
	Bring him out.
	I was like hitting people.
	I was like, fucking that's an unadulterated tit right there.
	Organic.
	In the wild.
	That's what I'm saying.
	God, there's something about it.
	Just straight up pure tit.
	There's something about it too.
	Stumble across it.
	And here's.
	It's like the gold rush, but all over again.
	Yeah.
	There's nothing wrong with it, man.
	There's nothing wrong with some of age breast.
	Of age breasts.
	And she was probably low 40s.
	And appropriate breasts.
	You know when breasts is appropriate.
	Yeah.
	There's a time and a place.
	And it's often, brother.
	I will say that.
	Thank God, brother.
	And that's okay.
	That's what God wanted.
	Are you that guy to Trevor Wallace?
	You guys go check him out, man.
	Yeah, man.
	It's going to be a good time.
	I'm really excited.
	Yeah, thanks for getting me out of hibernation, dude.
	I appreciate it.
	Yeah, man.
	Hopefully you had a good time.
	And I really didn't know you were taking this time off.
	I feel bad, man.
	But let's talk about tits.
	You getting up a lot around town out here, or is that where you're going back to LA?
	Just hit a fucking shit.
	No, I've just been taking a break from everything right now.
	So I'm going to go back to LA and get more sets.
	There you go.
	So that's one thing, too, that's tougher outside of LA.
	There's just nowhere to perform.
	There's one club.
	Yeah.
	How often do you pop in there?
	Sometimes.
	Yeah.
	Not a ton.
	But even then, you do 10 minutes and you're like, all right.
	Yeah, but I've also been overall just been kind of just taking a break.
	It's been kind of nice just to like.
	Yeah, I mean, you have to.
	When you get too intense, you just burn out.
	You're like just trying to make a material out of anything.
	And you're like, carpet's crazy, huh?
	You're like, what the fuck's wrong with me?
	Yeah.
	Now, the more you like live, the more you live a life to tell about it.
	think that was something i feel like you know if you're not living because i remember i was only Who did?
	Robinson Caruso, I think, said that.
	Okay.
	I saw it on the back of a Kid Rock t-shirt.
	Do you really know?
	Oh.
	But I just remember when I was first moving to LA, all I did was open mics.
	I'd go to work and then I'd do like three or four open mics a night.
	And then I would just try to just get, but I like, I wasn't talking about anything.
	Right.
	I was just trying to be funny, but it wasn't anything personal.
	And then you take some time to realize who you are as a person and what made you, you, and your background and this and that.
	And that's when you find the funny.
	Yeah.
	And then you find your lane and you're like, this is what I want to talk about.
	Yeah, I think I felt burnt out for a while.
	I think I just got so busy working.
	Natural.
	I took on, I was doing three episodes.
	I was just doing way too much, doing sets, touring, you know, just like.
	You just want to say yes to everything because in the beginning you didn't have that.
	Right.
	When you never had nothing.
	Yeah.
	And you work so hard and then something comes along, man.
	You fucking, I'll hold on to something.
	Yeah, man.
	But now I'm kind of realizing like, hey, man, I can have a little bit of choice in what I want to do because I just want to feel like myself.
	I don't want to be so busy or overwhelmed that I don't feel like myself.
	That's where I've been, I think.
	It's a scary feeling.
	It's just exhausting.
	You're just looking at the stuff you're putting out there.
	You're like, do I even like this?
	Am I doing this joke for me or is this just because I think it's funny?
	Is this video just because I think it's going to go viral, but I don't actually give a shit about it?
	Yeah, do you feel pressure to sometimes to just create stuff?
	Yeah, a lot of times it's when I'm like in between touring a lot and it's like there's like, I have like two days in town and I'm like, okay, I need to make something.
	What's funny?
	Okay, this.
	And then it's like, did I actually want to make that or did I just rush it to put something out?
	And it shows.
	When the numbers come up and it doesn't hit, I go, yeah, that makes sense.
	That checks out.
	But in the beginning, I just get pissed.
	I'm like, no, fuck, that's funny.
	Why didn't that hit?
	But now it's like, I get it.
	I go, I rushed that.
	Didn't need to do that.
	Should have just taken that week off and rested a little bit.
	But it takes time to learn.
	I'm overdue.
	I'm overdue for a lot of weeks off.
	Yeah, but I think the people who support you the most would understand.
	We would rather have Theo at 100 than being like, here's a podcast, but I fucking, you know, I have narcolepsy at minute 36. Yeah.
	Yeah, I just, yeah, I want to get back to a place where I feel really healthy, you know?
	Never.
	And January is weird because December is really slow, but then it's hard to go straight back to 100%, right?
	I jumped right into it, yeah, fucking we're back.
	You know, this weekend, we're back, right?
	But yeah, I'm trying to just do a little bit less and just, yeah, I'm all good, though.
	Everything feels good, man.
	I just want to, yeah, I want to, I want to, I realize that I can take more time for myself because I want to make good stuff.
	I want to feel like myself.
	So, um, yeah, but man, I'm grateful to spend time with you, dude.
	And I love you.
	You're one of the funniest guys, dude.
	Your videos always make me laugh.
	I've even called you Trevor Lawrence before to people.
	Dude.
	I hope you don't stop.
	And I thought your name was Trevis when I first met you.
	Trevis.
	They even have you saved in my phone.
	Still is Trevis Lawrence.
	Trevis Lawrence.
	And that sounds like a youth pastor.
	And tonight at Zanny's County Club, maybe he will be.
	Now I'm just folding on the breeze.
	And I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
	I must be cornerstone.
	Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind I found I can feel it in my bones.
	But it's gonna take a little time For me to set that parking brake And let myself unwind Shine that light on me I'll sit and tell you my stories Shine on me And I will find a song
	I will sing it just for you And I will find a song I've been moving way too fast on the runaway train with a heavy load of my past.
	And these realms that I've been riding on, they're walls so thin that they're damn near gone.
	I guess now they just were built to land.
	Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
	The answer may shock you.
	Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
	Sometimes I won't.
	And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
	You have three new voice messages.
	A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
	I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else.
	So great.
	Hi, Sweet.
	Is it there?
	Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.
	John Main.
	I'll take a quarter pottle of cheese out of McGlory.
	Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
	I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.
	Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kai Club.
	Second rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kai Club.
	Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on YouTube, yeah?

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