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Aug. 14, 2021 - This Past Weekend - Theo Von

01:53:00

E353 Shane Gillis

Shane Gillis is an American comedian from Mechanicsburg, PA. Theo talks with Shane about the details of his SNL controversy, what his first time on the Joe Rogan Experience was like, and Shane tells stories of meeting Dave Chappelle, Lorne Michaels, Norm McDonald and Louis CK. Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/MattAndShane Gilly and Keeves - https://www.youtube.com/GillyAndKeeves New Merch: https://theovonstore.com New Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour Podcastville mugs and digital prints available now at https://theovon.pixels.com Music: “Shine” - Bishop Gunn https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3A_coTcUek Support our Sponsors: Prize Picks: Prize Picks: Download the Prize Picks app and use CODE: THEO. Prize Picks will match your deposit up to $100. Mint Mobile: https://mintmobile.com/Theo Paint Your Life: Text WEEKEND to 64-000 for 20% OFF The Zebra: https://thezebra.com/theo Liquid Death: https://liquiddeath.com Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to tpwproducer@gmail.com. Hit the Hotline 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: http://bit.ly/TPW_VideoHotline Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiEKV_MOhwZ7OEcgFyLKilw Producer: Nick Davis https://instagram.com/realnickdavis Producer: Sean Dugan https://instagram.com/SeanDugan See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Time	Text
	Today's episode is brought to you by Liquid Death.
	Drink up.
	Today's guest is a tall man, and he's a comedian as well.
	He was semi-recently affected by cancel culture over at Saturday Night Live.
	He is a co-host of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast with his partner, just friend, Matt McCusker.
	Today's guest is comedian, who I met last night, Mr. Shane Gillis.
	Shine that light on me I'll sit and tell you my story Shine that light on me Shine on me And I will find a song I've been singing just for now I've been singing just for now
	How you feeling, bro?
	Me?
	Yeah.
	I feel pretty good, man.
	I think I was just trying to think earlier about how I feel.
	And I think sometimes for me, it's like I have to think about how I'm feeling.
	Yeah.
	For sure.
	It's like, I think some people can just, are just feeling, you know?
	Yeah.
	It's like when you're depressed.
	You got to figure it out.
	Because when you're depressed, you don't like know you're depressed.
	You're just kind of like, I'm tired.
	Yeah.
	I don't feel like doing anything.
	Yeah.
	You got to take some time.
	Yeah.
	People are like, why are you at this animal shelter?
	And you're like, I don't know.
	I just want to say goodbye to these guys.
	I don't know what it is.
	I just want to say goodbye to all these cats.
	Yeah, man.
	I don't even know them, but I miss them.
	Yeah, man.
	Thanks for letting me get up last night.
	It was cool.
	Oh, yeah.
	I was happy about it.
	It was a good crowd in there.
	They were.
	I was a little like, I couldn't figure them out at first.
	It was a weird Nashville, you know?
	There's certain states where, like Austin or Nashville or like Richmond was like that, where it's like, aren't you guys supposed to be like fucking hicks?
	Oh, really?
	And then they're like ultra-liberal or like, not ultra-liberal, but they're like, no, we're not hicks.
	Right.
	We care.
	Yeah.
	And then they over, you know?
	I think.
	Are we recording this on?
	Yeah, it can be.
	All right, good.
	Okay.
	I wasn't sure.
	You know, I do think it's funny to find like a real country audience.
	Like, my audience isn't like a real country audience.
	Do you feel, what is your audience?
	Do you, I was trying to gauge it from the stage last night.
	Because you don't know a man.
	You really don't know a comedian until you walk into like his, like, putting on his pants.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	So you walk seven minutes in his audience.
	I don't know.
	I don't really have, it's new, the audience thing.
	So it's mostly, it's just podcast guys.
	Right.
	Fans like that.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	For sure.
	Yeah, you had, there was one girl there who was like, I felt like she was not even looking at the stage.
	She was kind of looking the other, like she was kind of sitting to the side.
	Where was she at?
	Over to the right.
	Yeah, I remember her.
	And she, for me, she hated me.
	She hated me.
	Start to finish, hated me.
	And I hated her for it.
	Oh.
	Every once in a while, I'd look at her and be like, what the fuck?
	What are you doing?
	Isn't that crazy?
	Why would you do this?
	She, like, was mad.
	Yes.
	I think that's.
	I'm glad she was mad during your set.
	Oh, she was.
	She was mad during my set.
	And even Ari, because Ari Manus was there, and he went up before.
	Kind of a bigger lady, right?
	She was more, a little more Rubinesque.
	Yeah, kind of like a more of like a Rodin paint.
	You see her and like a Rodin.
	Can you bring up Rodin painting?
	I think anyway.
	Yes.
	But yeah, that was, I was like, okay, these are Shane's bad girls out here.
	Yeah, you think I got the, yeah, she almost had a goth appearance.
	She was pale.
	She was a little bit goth.
	R-O-D-I-N, brother.
	That's Larry Rodden.
	Who is also apparently a good artist out of somewhere out there?
	Yeah, it looks good.
	Yeah.
	Oh, yeah, there it is.
	I think he did some big.
	Oh, there we go.
	Just that blob to the right.
	That's her.
	I recognize that lady.
	Human, dirty.
	Dude, I used to go when I was in school, some type of school, I would go to the library and look at all of the.
	That was all my pornography is what I would look at.
	It was that kind of stuff.
	Heavily, bro.
	I remember going in there and I would.
	Oh, I would get erect and then I would put my erection into the book where in the library, right?
	Like up near the shelves and close it as hard as I could on my penis.
	So you were like tributing Renaissance paintings.
	I was, yeah, I mean, I was into like, and I remember I'd go to the certain section and be back there.
	It was dicey.
	It's crazy.
	I never really thought about that.
	I went through this whole little deal to do that.
	That's a lot.
	It is a lot.
	That's a lot.
	That's crazy you did that.
	It is crazy.
	You were sticking your book or your dick in books and smashing it?
	Not putting them in.
	I would open the book.
	I'm not saying the book was asking for it, but I'm saying yes.
	But I would do that, man.
	I would just like.
	The book was willing to be a part of it.
	How old were you?
	Like seven?
	Yeah.
	I was probably 13, maybe.
	12. This feels like a seventh grade endeavor.
	Just something, yeah.
	I think it was just like, I think I just wanted to, I don't know if I wanted to meet a woman from the past or if I was just, that's how I could see pornography.
	You wanted a woman from the past, you think, maybe?
	I don't know.
	I'm just trying to think of why would I have done that?
	Because it feels good to smash your dick into things.
	Yeah, that too.
	And they were naked ladies?
	Yeah, too.
	And he couldn't.
	Porn back then was impossible.
	And if you could score some porn in school, dude, I would look at like the science book.
	Yeah.
	It'd be like a skinless woman, and I'd be like, nice.
	Like, you can see your pussy.
	You can see the inside of her pussy.
	You can see the workings.
	Dude, so you would just even to the drop.
	Oh, bro.
	Give me a biology book.
	Oh, oh.
	Anatomy?
	I remember two moons and eclipse, and I remember thinking it was like breast and drawing.
	Yeah, whoa.
	Oh, yeah.
	That's pussy.
	Yeah, yeah.
	You remember how hot, like, disgusting teachers were to you?
	Oh, man.
	I remember.
	Yeah, who was your hot one?
	Who was your hot teacher?
	We had a lady that had giant tits.
	But she must have been, she literally must have been 65, 70 years old.
	Wow.
	But we were all like, dude, what would you give to just titty fuck this lady?
	And none of us were like seventh graders.
	That's the dark arts.
	And that's when 9-11 happened.
	She was the lady who broke the news to me about 9-11.
	No way.
	Giant tits lady.
	I couldn't.
	I remember when I was young, if a teacher was hot, I couldn't even hear them when they were talking to me.
	I think that's one of the reasons why I did it, why I had trouble learning sometimes in certain classes because it's like once they open, I couldn't hear anything.
	Yeah, you were in the library smashing your dick into books.
	That's true.
	You're not going to learn anything.
	There's no chance you're learning.
	Yeah, that's true.
	Somebody should have got a hold of you and stopped you.
	Yeah.
	That would have helped.
	I was at the library for so many hours.
	I think at some point I had to.
	This kid's a real bookworm.
	Yeah.
	This kid's literally.
	He's studying hard.
	He's literally.
	I don't know how he's failing.
	He's literally worming these books over here.
	And I always had a...
	Yeah, we can drink these, man.
	That's sparkling, do you mind?
	This is sparkling water.
	You want flat?
	I don't know why I thought this was...
	It is coffee.
	It's water.
	Liquid death water?
	Yeah.
	Where's this stuff from, Flint?
	I don't know.
	Probably.
	It's actually a good call.
	Yeah, how is this not liquid death water?
	The sanctioned water of Flint.
	They're having a tough time.
	Oh, wow.
	But, dude, nice to meet you last night.
	Thanks for letting us get up, man.
	Yeah.
	We kind of talked a little bit briefly about What is this one, Sean?
	Hi, Dio.
	My name's Joe, and I'm a big fan from Little Old England, England.
	And I have asked Dr. Jane what is his opinion on age gap relationships?
	Still seem to be okay with the younger woman and the older guy, but not so much the other way around.
	So let's go to your opinions.
	Wow.
	That could be one of that's somebody's school teacher.
	She's in the bathroom.
	Is that British ASMR in a bathtub?
	She's asking me about how I feel about older women.
	What do you bring me down here to make me come, dude?
	No.
	You trying to get me hard?
	Is this a setup?
	No, I've never done it.
	Is this a setup?
	No, I've never.
	You invite me over here, put on some ASMR, give me fucking rock hard, give me some water.
	What are you doing?
	Make you jerk off on this podcast?
	No.
	What's that?
	What does she want?
	What's the question?
	How do I feel about older ladies?
	I've never seen that question.
	I've never seen that woman.
	I'm glad she's staying clean.
	I don't know that lady.
	She's attractive.
	Obviously, I think she's attractive.
	Look at the suds on her chest a little.
	I didn't notice that before.
	But no, we didn't bring you down here to get anything out of you, man.
	At all.
	I mean, just have some information, I guess.
	What if you just masturbated onto the mic and just left?
	What is your question?
	What is he?
	No, I agree.
	I think, yeah.
	Have you been a, yeah, has that been a few older chests and older women?
	I've been with older women.
	I like it.
	You do?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Unless you guys want to talk.
	A lot of people, when they see me, they want to learn about my sexuality.
	Really?
	I'm a real.
	Yeah.
	They want to ask me about sexuality.
	Because you have that politician.
	You look to me like a politician, I feel like.
	And so everybody wants to know, you know, kind of what Bill Clinton's really into.
	So I think you're the closest that I've ever gotten.
	Closest to Bill Clinton to me so far.
	I mean, height and style and like that.
	I think older ladies.
	Yeah.
	Sometimes when you're with like a young hot girl, you feel like this is my job for this to go well.
	But when you get an old slut, a geezer slut, that's what you just let her fucking.
	Whoa.
	I've never done that.
	Whoa, what the hell, lady?
	Oh, those, I guess.
	Yeah, I don't know.
	What the hell are you doing down there, lady?
	I don't know.
	Oh.
	Yeah, they really know how to pickle the onions, you know.
	They do?
	My lady pressed my gooch.
	Oh, wow.
	She's fingering my taint to fire me up a little.
	Oh, my God.
	Room's going crazy.
	Yeah, and that's our producer, Riley Mao.
	He's never even masturbated in his life, which is true.
	That's reasonable.
	Riley, the never masturbated?
	Never.
	Give it a shot.
	No, no, no.
	He's like an.
	It's too late now.
	No, it's not too late.
	I don't think it's too late.
	I don't know.
	Hopefully he can.
	I don't know.
	He might have autism.
	I don't even know him that well.
	He's a great, great guy, and I'm glad that he's here.
	Sorry, I didn't mean to bring that up.
	It just kind of fell into conversation that.
	Are you doing okay, Riley?
	I am.
	There you go.
	You just never masturbated?
	Nope.
	He's part of a religious group, and they don't do it.
	What type of religion?
	Christian.
	Oh, shit.
	Yeah, I'm with you, brother.
	I'm still firing off.
	He's with you, but you're more of a Hester Prince type.
	I was a Catholic, and they would talk to you about coming.
	Oh, okay.
	I had some priests ask me about it.
	You grew up Catholic, right?
	Do you?
	Or no?
	We were actually like Sixth Baptist, I think.
	Oh, okay.
	Do you ever get any guys talking to you about come?
	We had a professor, I guess.
	I think then it was just a teacher, you know?
	Yeah.
	And he would, I remember he drew a picture of a wiener ejaculating on chalkboard.
	And it was, he like kind of described, like, he told us what the feelings would be like.
	We wouldn't be able to handle it and stuff.
	And then he drew it like he drew the, yeah, the ejacula just coming out.
	It was really insane.
	Was he like, was he like making the noise with it?
	I remember he, I do remember it was one of those double chalk boards.
	Here comes a big one.
	Like walkthrough.
	I remember he would put the marker on the board and then walk it across the board.
	That's crazy.
	It was pretty crazy, man.
	And he wore the shortest shorts, too.
	He died, man.
	Willie, I think Derek Ostner was his name or something.
	And I think his son might have died, but he died.
	His son died too?
	I'm pretty sure.
	I don't want to say that, but I'm pretty sure.
	And he had the biggest mustache.
	His words, I felt like his words.
	His big mustache that he was talking.
	Oh, bro.
	His mustache came over both lips.
	So it was like the words couldn't even, some of the words, you just had to guess what they were.
	People thought he was, some people thought he was black.
	People don't know what was going on.
	It was dicey.
	We just couldn't understand what he was talking about.
	It was crazy.
	You know, it was just different times back then.
	It was different times.
	But yeah, I've never really had an experience really with an older woman.
	So you have not?
	I haven't had that experience.
	Is it?
	You just let them go.
	Dude, I remember one time this one girl was so hot, I felt like I was afraid to even go in the same room with her.
	Yeah.
	For sure.
	So girls, yeah, I think with regular, like, you know, legally aged women, it can get a little bit dicier.
	But yeah, I guess if you have an older lady, you're kind of the little.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Feels nice to be a snack sometime.
	You know what I'm talking about?
	So you don't beat off.
	This is crazy.
	We're just skimming past it.
	Never once in your life.
	How old are you?
	23. All right.
	You got time.
	You're going to get one off.
	I promise.
	I promise you're going to come.
	Oh, dude, I'll pat him on the back hard enough.
	Sorry, brother.
	I don't want to say that kind of stuff in front of him.
	You know, I'm not trying to, I'm trying not to jerk off, and he doesn't.
	So it's, you know, it's interesting.
	How many times, do you mind if I ask you about, do you have wet dreams a lot?
	I don't.
	That's crazy.
	what happens or I'll do you, I mean, Is it gay for us to talk about this?
	No, we're fine.
	I'm not gay about talking about guys coming.
	All right.
	Do you have a lot of sensations in your body, Riley?
	Not really.
	No.
	I was kidding.
	You can't ask about sensations.
	I'm sorry, man.
	Can we even hear, Riley?
	Do we have him on the mic?
	We do.
	Do you have a lot of sensations in your body, Riley?
	Not really.
	Are you serious, man?
	Yeah.
	You have no feelings?
	I didn't know this, bro.
	This is all.
	Do you get hurt?
	Have you felt pain?
	Physically pain?
	Physical?
	What kind of physical pain?
	Like, you ever break a bone or anything?
	No.
	You ever get a cut?
	I've gotten cuts.
	How does that happen when you get cut?
	I don't know.
	I put a band-aid on.
	But does anything come out?
	Bled?
	Yeah.
	All right.
	But you're okay, though, right?
	You don't have a birth defect or something?
	I don't.
	Okay.
	That's what I was concerned with if you don't have any sleep.
	Oh, it's like your body.
	No, no, I don't.
	So you get erection.
	Right.
	Okay.
	And what do you do when you do?
	Do you go outside?
	Do you put your hands in like a do you just calm down?
	I just ignore it.
	Dang.
	Wow.
	That is power, bro.
	It's pretty impressive.
	That's power, dude.
	You're like the Carl Malone of your own media, bro.
	I mean, that is insane, baby.
	Yeah.
	Wow.
	I mean, that's wild, man.
	Yeah.
	And I, yeah, I don't want to see.
	I just want you to be, I want you to be happy, man.
	Do you wish you never had?
	Never had come?
	No.
	Yeah.
	Ejaculated.
	There's never one part of me that wants that.
	Yeah.
	Having never, I mean, it'd be fun to experience it again for the first time.
	That would be nice.
	But no, I'm proud.
	I'm proud of almost every one of them.
	Almost across the board.
	Nice.
	We did it.
	I was going to say, you're in 4-8.
	There's been a couple.
	I don't have any problem with it.
	Some of my boys are like, you're trying not to jerk off?
	Yeah, I try and I feel bad when I do for some reason.
	It makes me feel disheartened.
	It just goes away right away.
	Wow.
	Like, I don't feel...
	My friend Matt, who I do my podcast with, he's a big, like, it's pigging out.
	Don't be gross.
	Don't jerk off like that.
	And is that Geeves?
	How do you say that?
	Keeves.
	Keeves.
	McKeever.
	That's John McKeever.
	That's a different.
	Okay, that's the sketch.
	Yeah, that's the sketch.
	Okay.
	Yeah.
	Wow.
	Well, but yeah, that's, I used to go into that library and I liked it in there.
	And the lady, this is a reason we were able to get away with it.
	And I say we, it's just me.
	But because the librarian was the largest woman in our town.
	So there were some stacks, some books actually couldn't even come down, so it was like.
	You could tell if she was coming to it.
	There was a commotion.
	Yeah, you would see a shadow again.
	You would see a shadow.
	You know what I'm saying?
	There would be some sort of a vibe.
	You know what I'm saying?
	Like a kid would be quiet.
	You know what I'm saying?
	Something would have shh.
	Remember, that was the best thing about the library.
	People were always like, shh.
	Yeah, it was fun shushing people.
	Yes.
	And doing it like as a dick.
	Yeah.
	To yell.
	And anybody that was lad, you got to shush them.
	It was like that quiet place movie or something.
	Yeah.
	Or the best was when anybody got in trouble and you got to go, ooh.
	You'd start screaming.
	Ooh.
	My one friend used to, like, if you fucked with him at all, he would scream.
	Like, if you like grabbed him or something, he'd be like, Shade, get off for the last time.
	Like, he'd get you in trouble if you fucked up at all.
	Very funny.
	You can still do that as an adult.
	Yeah, you can.
	You can.
	You can be like, get the fuck off, dude.
	I told you.
	It's like, I didn't touch him.
	Yeah.
	Dude, that was fun.
	Being a kid like that was funny.
	Being a kid, when somebody's getting in trouble, oh man.
	There were so many little levels to it.
	Because you were free now.
	Someone else is in trouble, so you can just be like, oh.
	And the teacher's got to be like, everybody's settling.
	But you're charging her up.
	Yeah, yeah.
	She's like, yeah, you are in trouble, dude.
	Everyone knows.
	You're fucked.
	Dude, the worst is when you got in trouble.
	It was like such a defeating feeling.
	You felt everybody's eyes were on you.
	I would like cry because I'd have it, because I'd get in trouble.
	I'd be like, yo, my dad's going to fuck me up for this.
	Now, he would never like actually fuck me.
	I'd get like slapped.
	Yeah.
	But I'd get in trouble in school a lot.
	And every time I'd be like, dude, you guys understand I'm going to get fucked up for this?
	Like, stop giving me these detentions for like farting.
	Yeah.
	I'm going to get hit.
	Yeah.
	I'm going to literally get hit for this.
	And they had no problem with it.
	They were like, yeah, baby, you should stop farting.
	Yeah.
	Our principal, I remember we could still get beaten at school.
	Oh, really?
	And I remember getting spanked by the man, Bill Brady, and I saw him at a funeral recently, and he seemed like a nice guy.
	I was actually kind of glad he was the guy that spanked me.
	At the time, I didn't know who he was as a kid.
	You can't look in his eyes and get an idea of him.
	But as an adult, I was able to just look in his eyes and be like, oh, man, you were at the funeral.
	Was it the come guy's funeral?
	Dick Trolley?
	No.
	No.
	No, it's not that guy, man.
	Thank God.
	Different funeral.
	Yeah, this guy, yeah.
	This was a, oh, this fellow that passed, though, he had, we'd been in a hot tub.
	I've told this story before.
	I like how every one of your stories is like, yeah, I remember this as a kid.
	Now he has since passed.
	Well, yeah, he passed, bro.
	But, oh, everybody dies, man, that I know.
	But the first time anybody ever ejaculated in our, we were at a party and someone did it in a hot tub.
	And none of us had ever seen it.
	We didn't know about it.
	We didn't know you could do it.
	Yeah.
	So this guy was erect under the water and he was doing like a, remember Loch Ness Monster, the drawing?
	Yeah.
	It was like the biggest, most important thing.
	He kept doing that a little bit, just Loch Ness and his wiener out the hot tub.
	That's very funny.
	It was pretty cool, man.
	Yeah.
	Especially at that age, we're done.
	He has since passed.
	He is still alive, this guy.
	But at one point, he was, I guess, pleasuring himself.
	He leans up out of the water, starts spraying out.
	This other kid thought something was happening to him that was bad, grabbed his penis to stop it from happening.
	No.
	And the bigger kid ended up punching the kid.
	But the kid that grabbed him, the safety kid.
	The safety kid died.
	They say the kid who grabbed the penis.
	Yeah, he got punched.
	He is overdosed.
	He saw an ejaculating penis because he didn't know he thought.
	He was at the end of this.
	Yes.
	And then he got punched too and died.
	Hell of a fucking, this is a terrible story.
	It's a tough life story.
	Anyway, man, I didn't mean to get off in all that tangent.
	No, I'm glad you did.
	I like it.
	Oh.
	Yeah, man.
	Thanks for having us.
	I like it.
	I like it, man.
	I like hearing these stories.
	I am, man.
	That was an interesting one.
	Yeah, thanks for having us over there, man.
	I know we talked about what it was like going on, Rogan, and just like the nervousness, you know, because you've been in there.
	I mean, I haven't been in there in a few years, so I didn't, I forgot about that nervousness of when you go in.
	Right when you walk in, yeah.
	Yeah.
	Because the whole time, like, I told you I was hanging out with him during the week, and it was like, oh, he's the man.
	This is great.
	This is, he is the man.
	And then you go in there, and it's like, oh, shit, I forgot that this is like, this is a big deal.
	He's like if Sasquatch were a real person.
	Yeah.
	It really is.
	It really is.
	Yeah, because I've been watching him and listening to him for years.
	And then you meet him.
	He's like, holy shit, he is exactly who you think he is, too.
	He really is exactly that guy.
	Yes, he really is.
	He's not a different guy.
	He's like a library with a bow and arrow, I feel like.
	He's explaining that.
	Go ahead.
	He's just like information and the ability to share it.
	And then, yeah, he's fascinating.
	Yeah.
	And then you go in there.
	So I haven't been to the new studio.
	Yeah.
	So you go in there and what's it like?
	You get tested for COVID, all that stuff.
	Wow.
	And there's just guy.
	There's like, it's just nice.
	Everybody's nice.
	Everybody's happy.
	And you go in and it's, yeah, that's it.
	How big is it?
	Like this?
	Yeah, it's like this.
	It's like this.
	Yeah, and you go in and it's, but then I was up there and I was like, oh, fuck, I'm bombing.
	Well, you sit on stools.
	Was there a back on the stool that you remember?
	I was just sitting like a, with nice posture.
	Yeah.
	And I kind of look like a fucking, I look like an idiot, so I don't want to side angle of my slouched slug body while I'm talking to this guy.
	Well, you have longer torso, too, so you have more slouch.
	There's more of a ability for you to slouch.
	You're more of like a, you could have that kind of weeping willow vibe.
	Yes, certainly.
	So you have to really, I have less posture.
	You're funny.
	You make me laugh.
	Oh, thanks.
	Everything you say, it's funny.
	Oh, dude, no, I have less posture, like my body style.
	Yeah.
	You have more posture than me.
	Sure.
	So I could imagine if I had to manage an extra foot of fucking posture, dude, I would choke myself out.
	It's truly killing me.
	Anyway.
	On stage, especially.
	On stage, I'm like this the whole time.
	No, really?
	Bro, I literally...
	Especially because the crowd's down.
	So I'm always...
	You can see, I have a hump.
	I'm developing a hump.
	It's bad.
	It's not great.
	I bought one of those fucking things that...
	Look at that one right there.
	There it is.
	Look at that.
	That's like, yeah.
	It's like something crap.
	You wrestle with all my failures.
	Oh, yeah.
	Is there anything worse than Googling your own image?
	It's not great.
	It's not great stuff.
	You look nice, though.
	Thanks, man.
	Handsome guy.
	We were having fun.
	Dude, I wish I was taller.
	George Wallace, yeah.
	The tall guys that can like, hey, here's my arm.
	It's like you have that ability.
	You're not like small, though.
	I'm regular size.
	That's a nice.
	It's not.
	Yeah.
	It doesn't do anything.
	Would you rather be short or regular?
	No.
	No, you don't want to be a short guy?
	It was sad against anybody short.
	You don't want to be a little guy?
	I don't think so.
	There's some things about being a little guy that I think are nice.
	You think?
	I don't know.
	You get to scurry.
	That's true.
	You're always going to live...
	Oh, yeah.
	You know?
	Big, I'm big.
	I'm dead soon.
	I'm going to be passed away.
	You're going to be telling a story.
	You're going to be like, I had him on the podcast last week.
	He's since passed away.
	We were talking calm.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	We were, man.
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	You need help.
	I'm asking you, and I'm telling you, you probably do.
	I do.
	I do.
	I just filled out a form yesterday to get some more mental health therapy.
	You know it.
	I'll be there.
	If you wonder what I'm doing ever, I'm probably putting another appointment with a therapist into my iCal.
	That's what I'm usually doing.
	Well, BetterHelp, they offer it.
	They can assess your needs and match you with a legit therapist, licensed, legitimate, bona fide.
	It's available to clients worldwide.
	It's not a crisis line.
	It's not self-help.
	It's professional counseling done securely.
	Sometimes you live in a small area.
	You might live on a riverboat.
	You don't want to go get in a thing and, you know, somebody shows up in a little P-rog on the side of the thing one night and you got to talk with them for an hour.
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	If you need some help, check it out.
	But anyway, so I want to know more.
	Sorry, man.
	I told you too much.
	The Rogan thing, it was great.
	You go in and the nerve.
	It was just me.
	And again, he does three hours every fucking day.
	So this is literally nothing to him.
	It's just like any conversation you'd have with anybody.
	But on the other side of the table, there's a dude that's like, this is it.
	This is my fucking thing.
	I finally get to get my SNL story out to the whole public.
	Here we go.
	I started telling it, and I was like, in my head.
	You know, when you're doing stand-up and you're bombing?
	Yeah.
	And you're just thinking.
	And while you're telling your shitty jokes, you're in your head, like, what the fuck am I doing?
	That's how it felt.
	Like, I was fully talking.
	You know, when you think, you have a whole different conversation in your head.
	Oh, totally.
	Why is it going well?
	What's going on?
	Terrible.
	How do I look?
	What's going on?
	The least I can do is look decent if I'm not going to sound good.
	Should I look foolish?
	Should I have worn a hat?
	No, you looked fine, man.
	And then I'm up there.
	You did well.
	Did he start off?
	Did you feel uncomfortable?
	Because sometimes you have an idea of what it is.
	Yeah, it was just me.
	It was my idea of how things would go.
	He didn't do anything wrong.
	He's just talking.
	But he didn't know the other guy across the table was like, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
	Because I looked like I wasn't crazy.
	He had a cheat sheet?
	No, I looked like I was having a good time, but in my head, I was like, oh, no.
	So he had no idea.
	He had no idea.
	Then we get done.
	I'm like, fuck, I blew it, didn't I?
	He was like, what are you talking about, dude?
	Yeah.
	I think, I bet everybody says that to him that's not like probably a sociopath or something.
	Yeah, for sure.
	Especially, like, especially going in is a comic that's under him.
	You know what I mean?
	Like, I'm a newer comic, and I'm not going to say anything to him that he's going to be like, oh, wow, I never thought of it like that.
	You know what I mean?
	There's nothing I can tell him about comedy.
	Right.
	Which is all I, that's the only thing we could talk about.
	Right.
	You know?
	Yeah, man.
	There's nerves of like, and then some.
	I'll get it back.
	I've got one back.
	Oh, you'll go back.
	Hopefully.
	Yeah, you will.
	Yeah, next time I'm coming in.
	Yeah.
	I'll be like, listen, motherfucker.
	You better never make me feel insecure again, dude, even though it had nothing to do with you.
	I'm different.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Maybe tell him next time that you felt nervous.
	I think I did that one time.
	I think I maybe told him that I felt nervous.
	I said it 10 times.
	Yeah.
	The whole fucking show.
	Yeah.
	Good.
	Then that's real.
	Yeah, I mean, it was at least real.
	Oh, yeah.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, man.
	That story was fascinating, the SNL story.
	And then last night you said that you and Lauren still keep in touch a little bit.
	Oh, yeah, yeah.
	That's great.
	Yeah, I'll text it sometime.
	Yeah, we chat a little.
	Bro, I got fired from BJ's Pizza, dude, when I was a kid.
	We were doing like this under the dishwater contest, kind of me and this other guy.
	That's great.
	We got laid off.
	What was the contest?
	Just be under there as much as you can.
	Oh, you get physically, you get in the dishwater.
	Yeah, you got to stay there.
	That's a firework.
	You're going.
	Bro, it was like the big, it was like the final one, and I got laid off after that.
	But I never talked to that guy again, Wayne, that hired me there.
	No, I don't talk to those people.
	I got fired from several jobs, several jobs, and I just never, I'm done.
	Yeah.
	We're done.
	There was one I worked at a nursery.
	It was like for plants.
	Oh, yeah.
	Not for kids.
	Like plants.
	Yeah.
	And one of the, I worked in the patio department, so I was like putting together, like, they just put me in a warehouse and they're like, put together this furniture.
	I would literally build one bench and just lay on it the rest of the day.
	And they came back.
	They were like, you haven't made one thing.
	I was just laying on a bench.
	You know, you're fired.
	I was like, yeah, fuck it.
	I'll head out.
	Every day I would build one bench and lay on it.
	It was great.
	One bench gilla.
	It's killing him, man.
	But you and Lauren still keep in touch, though.
	A little bit, yeah.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, for sure.
	Did he feel bad?
	Do you feel like?
	I believe he did, but you never know.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, you never know.
	You never know.
	He could have been the one that was like, get rid of him.
	You know?
	But from his, what I've heard is no.
	Did you feel like whenever you were going through that, there was nobody standing up for you?
	Or did you feel like, did you have any thoughts like that?
	Sometimes you feel like that.
	Yeah.
	I feel like that most of my, like, this, most of the show is about that.
	But did you feel like, I mean, like, I just wonder what some of that was like.
	Like, was there...
	It's very surreal.
	Yeah.
	Even your story, listening to your story about going in there, sitting in there, I'm like in the story.
	I'm like, oh my God.
	Yeah, when you're in the waiting room, like, because when you go audition, you're like, I also never thought I'd get it.
	I was literally, I was going in there like, probably not going to get this.
	Yeah.
	I knew what I had done in the past.
	Right.
	You know, I knew my crimes.
	I couldn't believe I was in this fucking building.
	And then, yeah, you walk in, you see that stage.
	You're like, holy shit, this is awesome.
	Because I wasn't nervous until I saw that.
	Oh, because it's the real stage from the stage.
	Yeah, you do it on the, you audition on the main stage.
	Oh, wow.
	It was crazy.
	But yeah, it was cool.
	It was cool.
	It was really cool.
	But then when you get canceled nationally, it's a very, also it's a lot smaller than you'd think.
	It is?
	It's very small.
	That stage?
	Wow.
	I always thought it was huge.
	Yeah.
	And Murphy had been on there.
	Yeah.
	Sorry to bring that up, but yeah, but he was on there, but so were you.
	I was also on there.
	You were on there.
	Did you ever feel like you were a Patsy?
	Like it was a setup?
	Did you ever think about that?
	No, I don't think so.
	Unless it had something to do with Epstein.
	Epstein was like that weak.
	My story overshadowed Epstein.
	Ah.
	You never know.
	Bro, there's so much power out there.
	They could easily say, hey, let's bring in a gentleman, a good gentleman.
	And smear him.
	But did that ever cross your mind or no?
	No.
	No.
	Just from the way everybody talked leading up to it before the cancel.
	They knew I wasn't like a conservative guy.
	By their standards, yes, I am.
	Of course.
	But they weren't like, oh, let's get this guy because he likes Trump.
	It's like, no, I literally auditioned with a joke about Trump dying being funny.
	Right.
	So looking back, do you feel like there was anything you could have done different or was this this was the way that this was going to work out no matter what?
	No, I mean, I definitely wouldn't have changed what we did, our podcast.
	You know?
	Yeah.
	That's, yeah, that's how I got to New York.
	Right.
	So.
	Yeah, it's interesting.
	It's like.
	Yeah, that was just the way.
	There was no other way it probably could have gone.
	No.
	Was there a change?
	It would be less funny if I was like pandering to try to be an improv SNL guy.
	You know?
	Yeah.
	That's a tough, that's a hard gig to be that guy.
	To be like, I'm silly.
	Yeah.
	It's a weird, you know?
	Look at me.
	Yeah.
	I can't be that.
	Leslie Jones, I like watching on there because at least she has her own charisma.
	Oh, for sure.
	There's definitely people on there.
	I'm talking about the people trying to get on there.
	Oh, yeah.
	Like the improv world and the alt comedy world that kind of like, I don't know.
	It's not me.
	You drop these raisins in the comments.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Just going on stage and being meta every time about comedy.
	You know what I mean?
	When they do stand-up where they're like, isn't stand-up comedy stupid?
	It's like.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I like it, but sure.
	Whatever.
	No, it's interesting.
	And I hope I'm not bringing up any bad feelings.
	I'm not trying to.
	No, I don't care.
	Okay, cool.
	Yeah.
	Thanks for being willing to talk about it, man.
	Yeah, I don't care at all.
	Yeah, I don't have any experiences like that, except for experiences of learning that I felt like Hollywood, a lot of the stuff in there wasn't, didn't fit me.
	Yeah.
	That's the only thing I've learned over the years, like going to auditions and like trying to be like a, oh, I'm just a good guy that could be there next door if you need something.
	For years driving over and doing that and walking in and knowing in my gut the whole time that it wasn't me.
	That was the nice thing was when I got canceled was no more auditions.
	I'm happy about that.
	I fucking hate auditions, dude.
	They're so bad.
	When you got to submit a fucking self-tape of you reading lines and then you just know they're floating around somewhere, like somebody's going to get a hold of one.
	It's going to be you reading lines.
	Yes, and you know there's some perv out there and you know this.
	But I mean just freaking some dude has got definitely just got to be let me just get cranking off the auditions?
	Definitely.
	Because I remember I sent one one time.
	It was a they had to do you had to do a Shirley Temple thing, a song from Shirley Temple, right?
	Bring up a Shirley Temple shy, please.
	If you can bring up a Temple.
	And I remember mailing that off to somebody, emailing that video off to somebody, me singing on a good ship lollipop.
	And I was like, someone's going to.
	Oh, you jerked.
	You sang Shirley.
	You danced.
	I didn't dance, but I had to sing.
	They sent you the lines, and I never knew what it was for.
	But somebody somewhere has.
	Shirley Temple has since passed.
	How did Shirley Temple die?
	That's a great question.
	Woodside, California, the cause of death.
	Cigarette smoking.
	Lifelong.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	Temple's a lifelong cigarette smoker, but avoided displaying her habit in public.
	She didn't want to say a bad example, but she's smoking.
	She made it to 85. Lollipop.
	That's a great example.
	You should be like, look, it's not bad.
	I made it.
	They should put her on a Marbro box or something.
	Look who made it to 85. It made it to 85. Smoking, chain smoking.
	All that 1940s Hollywood sexual assault.
	She must have gotten fucking destroyed, dude.
	Oh, my God.
	One of my friends said yesterday he wished he could go back in time so he could beat his wife, right?
	And I thought that was the most insane thing I'd ever heard.
	But can you, the things that women went through in the past, I cannot even fathom.
	All the missing women.
	In the 70s, you could just drive up and pick a woman up.
	Yeah.
	And they've never.
	Yeah, you could just take her out to the woods and beat her.
	Just wail on.
	It's crazy.
	There's nothing funny about that.
	He's getting hard.
	He's going to jerk off.
	We're going to jar one out of him.
	Don't say that to that guy.
	He's going to freaking spray beef jerky out of his body at this point.
	It's going to be crazy.
	You were like, not jerk off for like three days?
	It's like, whoa, still got it.
	Imagine 23 years.
	Can't even imagine.
	Shirley Temple's got you fired up a little.
	Oh, I'll tickle the back of his leg.
	And he'll be spraying Orange Julius in his job, dude.
	But yeah, man, thanks so much for letting me get up on your show.
	It was a good podcast.
	Yeah.
	I was excited.
	You honored me, dude.
	What were we talking about?
	We talked about I was hired and fired by Saturday Night Live and I got canceled.
	Yeah.
	And it doesn't feel good when you get canceled.
	It hurts your feelings.
	It did.
	It makes you feel small.
	Was the scary part about, like, what about the articles and then suddenly your name is out there in such a way?
	That was crazy.
	That's successful.
	Because I was never anything.
	Right.
	Like, I did, like, new faces that year.
	Wow.
	And then all of a sudden it was like, you're getting, I was, that was what fucked me up was like the comments.
	Now I read comments.
	I always read comments.
	I've been stuck reading comments.
	I can't stop reading comments.
	And it doesn't like destroy me anymore.
	I'm starting to get, but it comes and goes.
	Like, I'll be like, all right, it doesn't bother me at all.
	And then every once in a while, somebody will get a fucking dagger on me.
	And I'm just like, ooh.
	But I would read like articles and stuff.
	And I would have like dreams.
	I was having like nightmares about like articles and comments and all that shit.
	It was crazy.
	Damn.
	Yeah.
	Well, it's just so crazy to see your name that it's like, it's so much bigger.
	I feel so much bigger than you.
	You're like, I'm just one person with...
	Like, it was very funny sometimes.
	Like, because it was with my friend Matt.
	So, like, I'd be like, oh, shit, you remember we said that?
	Like, I totally forgot about that.
	And then there'd be an article that's like, Judd Appentale's gayer than ISIS.
	So we'd be like, oh, shit.
	That's pretty funny.
	But, you know, I feel bad that I shouldn't have, you know, sucks that he's got to see that.
	Yeah.
	Who, Judd Appentale?
	Yeah.
	True.
	Yeah, I don't think he didn't care, obviously.
	Right.
	Which is nice of him.
	Because I was down.
	He could have been like, fuck that guy.
	Yeah, he'd have chimed in also.
	You ever get canceled?
	You're going to get canceled, do you think?
	We'll see how this episode does.
	This is going all right.
	Yeah.
	I feel like you'd feel like if we said anything cancelable?
	No.
	That's a good thing about you is it's like I can ask where are we at on the so far we're good.
	We were getting close with the picking up women and beating them to death.
	Although that was more me than you, I'll give you that.
	I was here for you.
	The beat them to death part was me.
	Yeah.
	You said you could just go around and pick them up and that you wished you had lived back then so that you could drive around and abduct women.
	My friend said that.
	No, you said that.
	I don't know if I did.
	I think you did that.
	Oh, I said it.
	I believe you said it.
	I could have said it, but I just, I've been watching these Ted Bundy things at night and looking at some of his artwork.
	You know, he did really good artwork.
	A question came in right here.
	Do you want to play this?
	Oh, he did a lot of artwork.
	Isn't that crazy?
	Isn't that weird about all these killers?
	This is what my fans look like.
	Just so you know.
	Is this your opener, Steven?
	Yeah, it looks like Steve.
	What's up, Phil?
	What's up, Nick?
	Huge fans, this past weekend.
	I'm out here in beautiful Philadelphia cutting lawns and hedging bushes today.
	I got my tan going, my John Lennon sunglasses.
	So my question today, Shane, is I know you came up in Philadelphia.
	So I wanted to know, you know, I've been having this problem.
	I wanted to know how many beers does it take you to get incoherently drunk?
	It seems to me, every time I go out, I tell myself I'm going to take it easy, but I overdo it.
	So yeah, my question, when you're sucking down those BLs, those Bud Lights, how long does it take you, and how many does it take you before you're not able to talk?
	Thanks, guys.
	Gang, gang, buzz, buzz.
	Gang, bro.
	That's a good question.
	That is a great question.
	It usually, last night I got pretty drunk on Bud Lights.
	Yeah.
	I saw you had a couple last.
	I had a couple, yeah.
	I came out to see you when you left.
	I was like, he's dealing with this.
	You're like, man, good luck on the special.
	I'm going to see you tomorrow morning.
	I'm seeing you.
	I'm a fucking idiot, dude.
	I'm sorry.
	It was awesome.
	Yeah, we went to the Santa's karaoke.
	It was fucking great.
	This place is great.
	Oh, my God.
	It's perfect.
	Do you drink?
	I got to go.
	You don't drink?
	No, right now I got like 65 days.
	Oh, shit.
	So I'm off.
	I just buy this vape.
	That's good.
	They're fine.
	You're fine.
	I'll feel bad about it, I'm sure, later on in the day.
	You got to have something.
	You're not jerking off or drinking?
	Oh, I'm jerking off.
	I'm just trying not to.
	And it is impossible, dude.
	Don't do that.
	Don't do that.
	Oh, if I had one more time.
	Don't put that pressure on yourself.
	I know.
	That's the problem.
	I put too much pressure on myself.
	I know, man.
	What are you doing with the answer to question, probably around 20?
	Really?
	To get incoherent.
	And this is over the course of like 7 o'clock show.
	We're out till 3 a.m.
	Yeah.
	And it's Bud Lights.
	Yeah.
	You know?
	Do you still be sexually active at a certain number of beers?
	No.
	Yeah, me neither.
	No.
	After like four beers.
	Wow.
	It's trouble.
	Yeah, it gets dicey.
	And then it gets in my head.
	Oh.
	And then it's in my head.
	I'm like, I'm not going to be able to get hard.
	I'm going to look fucking stupid.
	Huh?
	Yeah.
	That's when you need an old gal, a disgusting old.
	Yeah, yeah.
	She's like, don't even worry about your penis.
	She's Hebrew for some reason.
	She's a black Israelite.
	One night I was with Mark Maguire.
	Is that who that guy was?
	No, Jim McMahon.
	Mark McGuire.
	The old Chicago bear, right?
	And he had this lady who was kind of older than him, okay?
	We're sitting outside, and he's just literally, he would drink a beer in one sip, bro.
	He would drink a beer in one sip.
	Didn't he just get like cancer?
	Oh, right there, the glasses.
	That's the one I spoke with.
	Yeah, I thought it was Mark McGuire, dude, for like an hour, right?
	McGuire's awesome.
	They're both awesome.
	He answered all the questions I had about Mark about him.
	Yeah.
	So it was almost like a music.
	Oh, it wasn't like hitting all those home runs.
	He was probably like, this guy doesn't know what a touchdown is.
	It was great.
	He was out of his mind.
	But he said, yeah, he had this lady who liked to eat his butt that was with him that was older than him.
	And that was kind of crazy.
	You ever do stuff like that?
	Get your buddy?
	I don't really get into a lot of stuff like that.
	You don't want to put that out there publicly.
	Oh, no.
	You mean you don't do it?
	I don't do it.
	I don't really.
	No, me neither.
	I would be, it would take, I'd have to be at like a, I'd have to be at like a retreat or something, I think.
	Some type of vacation or like a rehab facility?
	Oh, eat your ass here in a rehab facility.
	That'd be a decent place to get it, though, if things are going bad.
	If Someone ends up eating your ass while you're like, but here's the weird thing: one of my friends, who you know who's a big podcaster, told me that he does it and he lays on his back and gets it like that.
	Oh, he puts his legs up?
	What big podcast?
	I couldn't even fit him.
	I couldn't even expose this man.
	I couldn't even get him out of our community.
	We don't need these guys.
	We don't need guys like this.
	That's a predator.
	Oh, it broke my heart, man, when he said it.
	And I think I was trying to be supportive, and we were having lunch.
	And, God, it just broke my heart.
	That he got his assy legs up.
	He held his legs.
	I can't.
	It was a lot for me to just take on.
	It's a lot.
	And I feel bad saying this in front of Riley over there.
	I know.
	Just a lot.
	But anyway, man, what were we talking about?
	I got hired and fired by Saturday Live.
	Yeah, it was a traumatic experience.
	But I feel like, do you feel like there is any positives from it over time?
	Have you started to notice any positives?
	I noticed positives immediately.
	Did you really?
	Yeah, for sure.
	Like, you go on stage and people are like, oh, shit, this is, you know.
	This is who this is.
	This is that guy.
	Oh, wow.
	So you went through.
	I had zero.
	And then to like, oh, this guy's good.
	You know?
	Or like, not good, but this is a fucking freak.
	This is who he is.
	This is the thing.
	Yeah.
	This is who he is.
	We get to see this freak.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	But then it's in your head when it's happening.
	Because like you see people, like at any show, people talk to each other, like whisper at the table.
	And then like, are you fucking talking about me, motherfucker?
	Who are you?
	I'm like, you know, you know what I did.
	Motherfucker.
	Yeah.
	So you'd be up there.
	You're in your head constantly.
	Oh, and then like you meet people that are all, you know, comedians in New York and I'm like, oh, this fucker hates me probably.
	Or they probably talked shit or whatever.
	So it's just constant and nobody cares.
	No one else cares.
	It's just you.
	Right.
	I wonder what most people feel or think.
	I guess you never know.
	It's weird how it's like, yeah, do people even really care?
	It's almost like a lot of the cancel stuff, it's not even a real thing.
	It's just, no one cares.
	No one really cared what you said.
	Yeah.
	No one did.
	I never once was confronted by one person that cared.
	Really?
	It was always just like, well, you should have been fired.
	You can't do it.
	It's like, all right, whatever.
	It's kind of weird.
	It's like this, it's like this invisible rule book.
	It is.
	And we're trying, like, right now, like with me trying to sell anything or like work on anything, like a show or anything, people are very like, well, we like you, but, you know, we can't get in trouble.
	Right.
	It's like no one cares about, nobody's like, the reason we're not picking you up is because what you did was wrong.
	They're just like, well, we don't want to get in trouble.
	It's so weird.
	It's like a weird pussy.
	There's this invisible song.
	Because every single time, someone's like, ooh.
	One song in the whole world is like, ooh.
	Yeah.
	God, that happened.
	So do you, does that deter your, any of like your thoughts for future stuff?
	I mean, I see you creating awesome stuff, dude.
	The Trump speed dating thing was hilarious, bro.
	Yeah.
	And you have, I was so bummed because I'm like, damn, you have such a great look for like being like a new like Daryl Hammond or there's nobody on these shows that looks like anybody that I've grew up with.
	It's like, this guy, this is the guy.
	Yeah, there's definitely like, especially nowadays, you can just make your own thing.
	Like, look at this.
	Right.
	You know?
	So it's not, and also there's what like, I don't, do I want to be on a fucking sitcom?
	No, I don't.
	I'm good.
	Yeah, some of those days are, it's interesting.
	Some of those days are kind of over for me.
	Right.
	Yes.
	I would be on blackish or whatever.
	Right.
	I'll do it.
	Yeah.
	But no, that would suck.
	I'd say yes, probably.
	But I wonder if it would suck with a sitcom.
	I don't know.
	I think there's a lot of work.
	There's no work.
	I haven't worked in a long time.
	Having to work, even when we're filming our own stuff, is like, this is hard.
	That's hard.
	I had to just stand for a day.
	Yeah.
	It's crazy.
	It's hard, dude.
	That kind of stuff is hard.
	You just got to go sit in your trailer and it sounds like it's all going to be nice and it's this thing.
	I think aesthetically or aesthetically, it looks nice to people like on Instagram.
	It looks cool.
	Oh, I'm in my trailer.
	We're doing craft services, but it's just a lot of like waiting.
	Yeah, a lot of waiting.
	Yeah.
	That's all it is.
	It's not like, obviously, we're not comparing it to fucking roofing.
	Right.
	But it is, it's not cool.
	It's not as fun as you think.
	After like the first hour of being on set on anything, you're like, fuck.
	Yeah, what do I do now?
	Get this done.
	This is going to be a long day.
	But yeah.
	Yeah, I think that happens a lot, man.
	In my experience has been, yeah, then it's just you're in your trailer or you don't have a trailer and you're just standing somewhere eating peanuts and eating M ⁇ Ms and getting your mic'd up, saying all types of wild words.
	Talking shit on the sound guy who's literally just listening.
	I mean, the guy who was like cross-eyed.
	And I kept talking shit on this dude.
	And then finally someone was like, I was like, oh, pop.
	I thought, dude, I was just fucking playing with you.
	I know I was fucking around.
	You know, it's hard to figure what gift you want to get somebody.
	Somebody you might know somebody at your house could be your wife or husband.
	And it's like, damn, they were born and it's coming up again.
	I got to help them out.
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	I hate spam, brother.
	I hate the meet and I hate the emails that are bullshit.
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	And now back to the episode.
	That's a word.
	See, we got a question that came in right here from some young gentleman right here.
	Oh, nice.
	What's going on, Theo?
	What's going on, Shane?
	My name is Cody from Houston, Texas.
	And my question for Shane is, what advice would you give to an aspiring young comedian who has no life skills and delivers pizza for a living?
	Please tell me.
	Gang.
	You should give them the advice.
	Well, you got to get canceled, bro, I think.
	To start.
	Yeah.
	Bro, you do something.
	You, you know, do something a little edgy.
	Do something.
	Deliver a pizza.
	Yeah, that's shaped like an illegal symbol from Germany.
	Yeah.
	Deliver a pizza.
	Somebody did that.
	They did?
	Yes.
	God damn.
	They did it with pepperonis, dude.
	I saw them.
	Really?
	I saw it.
	Somebody got in trouble.
	Oh, damn.
	Please look up Swastika pizza.
	Please Google that, dude.
	Yes, look at that.
	Oh, man.
	And the irony is it's made out of pork, isn't it?
	So that's a double entendre right there, man.
	That's bad news.
	Yeah, that is a bad news pizza.
	Little Caesars fires two workers.
	And you know how it went.
	Oh, I've talked about it.
	You know how it went.
	One dude was like, I can't wait for him to pull this out of the oven and see that I ruined it.
	And the other guy just must have pulled it out, not even fucking looked at it, just thrown it in a box, shipped it.
	Then the other guy's sitting there like, yo, what'd you do with that pizza?
	He's like, dude, it's out.
	It's tracking.
	You watch it.
	You're like, oh, fuck, it's at their house, dude.
	Who are they?
	What's their name?
	Look up their name.
	Look up their name.
	Oh, fuck.
	Goldstein.
	Juice only fucking dominoes.
	What the fuck?
	You're like, is it B-U-R-G or B-E-R-G?
	Which one is it?
	Oh, man.
	That is a freaking insane.
	So, yeah, the set.
	Dude, opening that?
	I'd be so happy.
	If I got home, opened a pizza, I'd be like, holy shit, dude.
	The dudes at Little Caesars are fucking wild now.
	They're wilding out, man.
	Look, there's the two workers.
	Oh, wait, no, that can't be the two workers.
	It has to be them.
	They just put two random.
	It could be the victims.
	Little Caesars is in Ohio.
	Fired up, man.
	How simple are we now that we're talking about this?
	Little Caesars says we're deeply disappointed by the actions.
	But bring up Little Caesar.
	This guy looks a little third Reichie out.
	Oh, for sure.
	Look at them.
	Mussolini.
	The guy, definitely.
	No, these are the victims.
	Oh, these are the victims.
	They receive his wife, Misty.
	Oh, I love people.
	I love people that are named after kind of like weather, like kind of light climate conditions.
	Misty, sunny, dusty.
	So my husband stopped at Little Caesar's name-dropping for a quick bite.
	Husband brings this home.
	I'm truly disappointed.
	Yeah.
	Ah, fuck.
	These aren't funny jokes and shouldn't be made.
	It's true.
	They're kind of funny jokes.
	I mean, it's funny.
	You don't think it's a funny joke putting a swastika on a Little Caesar's pizza?
	It's obviously a funny joke, dude.
	It is funny.
	It's fucking funny, yes.
	I agree.
	It's a fireball offense.
	Right.
	And this is the owner of Little Caesars?
	Holy shit, dude.
	He's got a Roman haircut.
	Yeah, that is Caesar.
	Bro, that's the drawing.
	That's why.
	Bring up the drawing.
	It is.
	I think that is him.
	That's him.
	Wow.
	I just.
	I wonder.
	I think Caesar's logo history.
	If you wanted to be hateful, you have to be creative.
	But I think, yeah, you got to do something that's out of the box.
	And that's going to be...
	And then once you're...
	I think if you're going to go from having no, you need to have something to come back to.
	Oh, shit, that guy does work at Domino's.
	That is.
	The guy we're talking about.
	That is a chance he does toss a fucking symbol on him.
	Right.
	But you don't do that.
	What I would do now is do something, do something in the other direction.
	You got To do a different type of symbol, you know, I think you need to do like a Mason if they have a symbol.
	You could do a Star David and send it to the people that got the Nazi pizza and make it up to them.
	You could do a, um, I don't know what you could do.
	It's kind of the only symbol.
	That's like a, yeah, like I remember when we were kids on a school bus, we drew schwastigas on some kid named Scotty's t-shirt.
	That's funny.
	And he went into aftercare.
	We didn't even know what the symbol meant or anything.
	We're just we'd seen it on like pamphlets or whatever around town.
	And then we drew it on his shirt.
	And then he had to wash the shirt, right?
	And so, but he had to keep wearing it.
	And so like it always had it on there a little bit.
	It was crazy, man.
	I drew a swash on my friend's forehead once.
	He fell asleep.
	No.
	And he cried.
	Wow.
	Yeah.
	That's at Charles Manson.
	Because he has one.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	So I think you got to do something.
	You got to rap or do something.
	I think you got to really or come out of the closet via pizza.
	You got to do something that's going to get you that's going to get your name out there.
	So that's wild.
	So you went from, and then suddenly people know your name out there.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	For sure.
	Is it weird when you see SNL people around New York City?
	Yeah, I'm friends with like Michael Che.
	Right.
	Yeah.
	Did you ask any of them to put in a word for you?
	Did you.
	No, I didn't ask.
	No.
	Right.
	What are they going to do?
	Yeah, and it's like a fucked up thing to ask.
	To be like, hey, risk, will you risk something for me?
	Like, I was just.
	While it happened, I was like, oh, I'm fired for sure.
	And then it just got drawn out.
	Like, I knew I was fucked.
	Yeah.
	Because I was like, if they were mad about that, there was.
	There's other stuff.
	There's a lot.
	Right.
	Like, this is, you know.
	Do you think do you think that you would have fired you?
	No.
	But under the rules, today's rules, yeah, you have to.
	Right.
	Those are the rules.
	But if you want to, you know what I mean?
	That's what I've always tried to say.
	Like, I don't argue me getting fired.
	Right.
	Because those are today's rules.
	If you want to talk about, like, I would have to argue, like, we need to change the rules.
	Right.
	You know?
	Yeah.
	If that makes sense, I don't know if I'm explaining that correctly.
	Yeah, I think so.
	Like, the rules are what's.
	This might not be what's wrong.
	The rules.
	There should be adjustment in the rules.
	Yeah.
	Well, it's so interesting when you take a stand-up from what's okay to be on stage and then try to put it because you weren't a sketch guy, really, or you weren't?
	No.
	No, not really.
	So you're in that space suddenly.
	And do you feel like you were a good fit for the show?
	Yeah, I think I could have been.
	Yeah.
	For sure.
	I think I could have done well.
	I mean, we made sketches and I did okay in those.
	Yeah.
	So I think I could have.
	And I think Lauren saw that and he was like, I think he could be good.
	You know?
	Yeah.
	Or I could have been decent at weekend update, something like that.
	That would have been cool.
	That would have been fun.
	But it's not the...
	It's fine.
	Truly, I never thought I'd get SNL or wanted it.
	Right.
	So it wasn't like, oh, my dreams are destroyed.
	Right.
	It was a surprise.
	It was just like, oh, shit, nice.
	I got some.
	And they're like, no, you don't.
	I was like, all right.
	Back to what I was doing.
	Yeah.
	Do you, and what is this?
	Here's a picture of you on stage with some other comedians.
	Oh, nice.
	That's, yeah, those are some SNL people.
	And Dave Chappelle.
	Oh, wow.
	That's cool.
	Yeah, it was fun.
	Did they do like a special thing for you back at the cellar or something when they got back?
	Was there kind of like a, was that weird walking?
	No, I wasn't past at the cellar.
	Oh, you weren't?
	No.
	So this got you past, you think?
	It certainly helped.
	I didn't get pet.
	They weren't like, oh, nice.
	You got can't.
	In fact, it definitely kept them.
	They chilled on me for like a year or two.
	I just got past it.
	Oh, wow.
	Congrats.
	Thanks.
	Was there anybody that reached out to you kind of that you were surprised by that was like trying to be supportive?
	Yeah, for sure.
	There's a lot.
	Yeah.
	Wow.
	Every, every, yeah.
	A lot of people did.
	Norm McDonald was a cool one.
	Really?
	Yeah, that was a cool one.
	I talked to him for like an hour.
	No.
	On the phone, yeah.
	Wow.
	It was crazy.
	What does he say?
	He's another guy that's exactly who you think he is, you know?
	Yeah.
	He was just like, yeah.
	I don't know.
	I don't want to put out the private stuff.
	But yeah, he was awesome.
	All that stuff.
	All that stuff was cool.
	It was cool stuff.
	Cool stuff happened.
	But it was, again, it was very surreal.
	Like you'd, I'd get off the, I'd be like, holy shit, that's like top five for me, favorite comedians of all time.
	I was just walking around my backyard talking to him.
	And then I come back inside of my shitty apartment with my roommates, with my 35-year-old male roommates.
	And I sit back down, turn the news on.
	It's like, piece of shit, Shane Gillis was fired, man.
	What a terrible person he is.
	And I mean, it was just very surreal.
	So it was kind of like, I didn't even have time to be like sad.
	It was just very stressful and like kind of funny when I was just with my friends.
	Right.
	You know?
	Like, because they would just keep quoting and they kept trying to get us in more trouble by finding old quotes.
	And every once in a while they would miss and they wouldn't be offensive and it would just be funny.
	And they would publish them.
	Like a lady from the New York Times was like, he called civil women who fought in the Civil War secretly flat-chested bitches.
	She like tweeted that.
	And people were like, this is pretty funny stuff.
	She was like, it's not funny.
	Yeah, the New York, it made me hate the fucking, I hate journalists, dude.
	Oh, the worst.
	LA Times and New York Times, it's the worst.
	Yeah, it's like, what are you doing?
	Knock it off.
	Yeah.
	Why?
	Why are you trying to fuck somebody up?
	I get it if you're doing it for like the greater good.
	If you're trying to like.
	Do you feel like people are, though?
	I know, that's the tough part.
	It's tough.
	It's like, yeah, are we aiming to do all this stuff because we really, like 50 years from now, you want everybody to not have any judgments on each other or look at each other in any because the sacrifice to that in the meantime is humor a lot of times.
	Yeah.
	And humor's a risk.
	Like I always, the thing that was always funniest to me was telling a humor or doing a humor when you write when it's not supposed to be done.
	Like the guys of Little Caesars.
	Yeah.
	They're taking chances, dude.
	They're taking a chance.
	They took a chance, man.
	They somewhere.
	They took a chance, dude.
	And they are probably legends amongst their friends.
	They are probably truthfully.
	Look, never put a swastika on a pizza.
	Right.
	Not advocating that.
	Yeah.
	They deserved to be fired.
	Yes.
	That's a good cancel.
	Yep.
	There's a good cancel there.
	Yeah, because it's dicey.
	You're using product to push your own agenda.
	But those dudes are probably funny.
	Yeah.
	There's no chance those dudes are not funny.
	Because they're not real Nazis.
	They're not.
	They were real Nazis.
	They're not putting swastikas on pizzas.
	Right.
	They're doing other work.
	They understand how wildly funny it is for somebody to open a pizza box.
	Holy fuck.
	And here's the crazy thing.
	They're willing to risk their careers, dude.
	It's so funny.
	I'm sorry.
	The word careers is also a little Z word in there.
	Yeah, but they're putting it on the line.
	They're all in.
	That's a good point.
	They're like, yo, I'm risking my little Caesars job.
	This is going to be funny.
	It just blows off.
	It's basically like German roulette is what it is a little bit.
	You're right, man.
	So then the weird part is.
	Yeah, we're in trouble, dude.
	I wonder if they tried it.
	They tried like 16, dude.
	I wonder if they tried to blame it on the delivery, dude.
	I bet they did.
	I'd be fucking scrambling to blame it on anybody.
	They probably had to interrogate them separate.
	Be like, your boy snitched.
	We know.
	My boy would never snitch on the swastika pizza, dude.
	It wasn't us.
	Could you find out how old they were?
	Yeah, get the culprits.
	And a picture.
	I'd like to see these.
	I want to see these.
	I'm going to reserve some judgment until I say, what if they're black?
	It's just like, oh, these guys are the best.
	What if they're black and Jewish?
	And it was, what if they're the owners of the place?
	And it was just a plan to get the.
	Get some eyes on little Caesars.
	That happens all the time.
	I think a lot of us don't realize the way that publicity is used a lot of times.
	I think mine with the SNL thing a lot.
	That did get them a ton of publicity.
	That was the first time people were talking about them for a long, you know.
	Yeah, I couldn't really name a sketch outside of that Pete Davidson Chad one that even has been going on in the past few years.
	I'm not a fan, though.
	I'm not like a big fan anyway.
	No.
	I'm a fan of some of the people I know that are on it that are really cool people.
	Yeah, you're a comedian.
	It's not like it's not designed.
	SNL is designed for like high schoolers.
	Right.
	It's probably, yes.
	That's the reason why.
	That's their target.
	That's why everybody's always like, it was great when I was in high school.
	Now, you know.
	I guess the thing that's interesting, I guess, but you see guys like Spade and you see guys like Nealon, you see like Norm McDonald, guys like that that went through it.
	And Chris Rock, you look at it and you're like, man, these guys are still funny.
	And their level of humor and their ability to be funny in the spot is so much, I feel like better than the ability of a lot of people I know or myself or anyone these days.
	It's just like, I don't know if humor was just different then or if, I don't know, they just seem so much sharper.
	Yeah, that's fair.
	But you're only seeing their sharpest stuff.
	That's a good point.
	You know what I mean?
	You're not seeing them.
	I bet if you went to a comedy club in 95, well, definitely not sell rock, rock would be destroying.
	I don't know.
	But you find these characters?
	But in 88, maybe it wouldn't have been.
	Yeah, I think I've looked into this and actually talked about this.
	But they didn't show the fellas?
	They admitted responsibility.
	Immediately terminated.
	Damn.
	Oh, I loved making pizza, man.
	I used to work at pizza.
	Yeah.
	It's a nice thing.
	God, it was nice.
	It's just rewarding.
	You get it.
	It's a circle.
	It's easy.
	There's a couple shapes you put on.
	You do this.
	You do that.
	Boom.
	Yeah.
	You give it to some dude who stokes.
	Yeah, you fuck someone up with a pizza.
	People would lace him with drugs.
	I remember we'd send a dude out.
	He was on LSD.
	We'd give him a drug, and then he had to go deliver him.
	And find out what happens.
	Oh, it's crazy.
	Sometimes they would find him just in his car somewhere.
	We had a Christian fella that would go deliver for a while, and we would make orders to like Danny Glover.
	He didn't know anything.
	Danny Glover?
	He didn't know any entertainment.
	He was in LA.
	This was in Louisiana.
	He didn't know any entertainment.
	This guy.
	So we'd be like, Danny Glover.
	Oh, you would write the name.
	Yeah, he had to deliver on Sunday.
	I see.
	So we'd write like Danny Glover, and he'd go drive 40 miles, middle of nowhere to deliver to Glover, and he wouldn't be able to see.
	Wait, Danny Glover was in Louisiana?
	Never was.
	We would just make it up and send this guy out.
	I see.
	I'm sorry.
	No, I should have definitely picked that up.
	That was on me.
	Yeah.
	Was it?
	Here's a question that came in right here.
	Sup, Theo?
	Sup, Shane?
	I had one question for Shane today, and it is when is that special going to be dropping, if it is dropping, that you taped in Austin?
	I was there.
	So I would like to see that again.
	Just wondering if it is going to drop.
	Nice.
	It should be out.
	It'll probably just be on YouTube.
	And it'll probably be like first week of September.
	Round there.
	Wow, that's soon.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Did you feel good about it?
	I did.
	I think it'll be good.
	That's cool, man.
	We'll see.
	I don't know.
	Now watching it, I hate it.
	You know what I mean?
	Like sitting down to have to watch it and try to like...
	And it's like, they all suck.
	I know.
	I look like a fucking idiot up here.
	Were you worried about what you would wear on it?
	No, I wear the same shit like every day.
	Yeah.
	So it wasn't that complicated.
	But I did like spazz and get a fucking haircut like right before it.
	Like right before it, I got a fucking bad haircut.
	Bad dude.
	I look like a crazy guy.
	It was so ridiculous.
	And it was just a nervous panic.
	I went to a Dominican barbershop in Queens the day before I filmed.
	Oh.
	and got like a tight, skin-tight fade on the sides.
	See, the worst part of this.
	And then, dude, he oiled my hair.
	Oh, God.
	What are you doing?
	He gave me a full Dominican haircut.
	It looked fucking crazy.
	Oh, my God.
	They put oil in their hair.
	It was just oil.
	I just realized you look like Adolf Hitler a little bit.
	Sorry, bro.
	I just realized this.
	Don't do that, bro.
	That's not it.
	Sorry, man.
	You're handsomer than him, I think.
	Oh, yeah, there we go.
	Yeah, get fired up.
	Little sisters, did you want us a pizza?
	I got a slight hitler going.
	Dude, last night you said one of my...
	You were like, we were talking about the Holocaust again for some reason.
	We were a little bit, but we were talking about...
	Nothing bad.
	I think we were with a Jewish man.
	We were just discussing how.
	And then you made a joke.
	I hope we can edit this, right?
	If it's bad, if you feel bad that I'm exposing a funny joke he made about you'd think there'd be more, there's incest in the Jewish community.
	Yeah.
	And you're like, I think you were like, yeah, because of the Holocaust.
	Yeah.
	They were all in the same space.
	Yeah, that's what I thought.
	I didn't know.
	It was very funny.
	And then you were like, Hitler, how far did Hitler live from the Holocaust?
	Yeah, I didn't know.
	That's been fucking me up all day.
	Really?
	It's so funny, dude.
	Thinking of him.
	Do you think Hitler commuted to the Holocaust?
	I didn't went to work.
	I didn't know, man.
	Like, he checked into an office.
	I was like, all right, things are, this is good.
	This is what I planned.
	Yeah, I think, yeah, I always.
	Oh, fuck.
	Because I grew up in the area of a lot of incest.
	And so when you're around incest, you learn about other incest.
	You know, you kind of, you know, water seeks its own or whatever.
	But so Ari Manus, who's my opener, who's Jewish, is always.
	That's what we were chatting about.
	Yeah, he told me there were a lot of incest in the Jewish communities because, or I always thought a lot of incest in the, he said there's a lot of incest in Jewish communities.
	Yeah, he said it.
	So I always thought that it was because, yeah, like the Holocaust people are stuck together.
	You have sex with whoever is local to you.
	Yes.
	You know, which is the same reason that they had incest in our community growing up.
	Yeah.
	Or a lot of rural communities.
	Yeah, like Ireland.
	Yeah, people don't want to go that far to have sex.
	Bottom line.
	It's sad to say, but if somebody, you know.
	But I think the Holocaust was maybe in the ghettos before, but the Holocaust, I think they separated men and women.
	Right.
	And that's what he said.
	And that shocked me.
	But because I've read.
	I don't know why.
	It's so funny.
	I'm sorry.
	No, it's funny.
	Saying the Harcoss is a place is very funny.
	Just being like...
	I'd be like, did he go to AIDS?
	It's not a place.
	Because what was that book I read?
	Oh, sir.
	I don't remember.
	It was freaking good, though, but it was about the Holocaust book.
	Did you stick your dick in it?
	Huh?
	No.
	Jesus.
	You're just reading Night by Eli Weisels.
	Just like, oh, fuck.
	Oh, man.
	Are we allowed to tell these jokes on it?
	I think we're okay.
	I'm saying it.
	You're not used to.
	Yeah, and I don't think we're...
	We're with Jewish people.
	We weren't doing anything.
	We didn't say anything bad.
	And I just, that's something that I thought I didn't know.
	There's nothing wrong with not knowing something.
	True.
	But, yeah, and then I didn't know.
	Like, I didn't know.
	I never seen the charts or anything.
	Like, where did Adolf Hitler live at?
	Like, I always thought maybe he lived out front or something, I guess.
	I guess I equate it to like slavery or something.
	You know, not that it's the same thing, but I just equate it to like a bad thing.
	And then I think in my head, I'm thinking, oh, well, the slave owner probably lived on the edge of the property.
	Yes.
	In that case, the comparison would be like an SS guard.
	Yeah.
	While the president, you know what I mean?
	An SS guard would be like a plantation owner.
	Right.
	But the president, he wasn't like coming down to plantations.
	I mean, like, my plan's working.
	Right, right.
	You know what I mean?
	Yeah.
	I bet Hitler definitely went.
	That's crazy.
	Actually, now you mentioned it, yes.
	I bet he did go inspect.
	You're like, nice.
	Can't believe it's worked.
	That's crazy.
	This idea, you know?
	It's crazy, masterminds.
	This is crazy when you put your mind to something.
	Just to see it here, brick and mortar.
	I think Hitler was pumped.
	I think he was like, holy shit, man.
	That's fucked up.
	You think Hitler was with his boys?
	Like, every once in a while, you got to just take a step back and be like, we did it.
	You know?
	It sounds like a Louis C.K. bit almost.
	Hitler killing himself reminds me of a...
	Wow.
	And the Soviets were like in Berlin.
	They were like, oh, they're about to get him.
	He was about to get caught, and he was like, you're not going to get me, pussies.
	And he killed himself.
	That's crazy.
	Which is pretty funny.
	At the end, he just said, I'm done.
	Yeah, at the end, he was like, well.
	You're not even going to get me?
	You guys can't get me.
	Oh, it's so.
	It's such a pussy move.
	Yeah, but in his defense, yeah, he was definitely going to get fucking, he was going to get in trouble.
	Yeah.
	At that point, everyone was like, ooh.
	What did you do, dude?
	What the fuck did you do, Hitler?
	The whole world.
	Isn't it crazy how nobody knew kind of what was going on for so long?
	That's the craziest thing to me.
	Yeah.
	You can't keep anything a secret now.
	No.
	You know?
	You can't even keep a couple, you can't even keep, you know, actually, some people can keep a secret.
	They had like that Elizabeth Smart girl was locked up for like six weeks.
	What's that about?
	Months, kidnap people.
	They had those people for eight years in Cleveland in the basement.
	That's crazy.
	But I guess you just don't know what your neighbors are doing.
	Just being locked in a basement.
	But it's crazy.
	Fucking years.
	There's Some guy that locks you up.
	What did this guy ask us?
	Oh, he wanted to know when my special was coming out.
	Mark Norman's had a great success with his special on YouTube.
	Yeah.
	It's pretty cool.
	Yeah.
	I think that's a pretty reasonable option.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	And if it doesn't work, it's on you.
	You know, if I put it out and no one likes it.
	Will you put it out in a full segment or clips?
	Do you have anything?
	I'll definitely put clips out.
	Yeah.
	That's the thing.
	You got to put the whole thing out and then you put clips and all that.
	Which, you know, it sucks to have to play the internet thing, that game.
	I'd much rather have like an HBO or a Netflix make it and that's it.
	I don't have to do the whole.
	Because like Schultz, like Schultz talks about it.
	I talk to Andrew Schultz a lot about it because he does it.
	If you're doing it on your own, like this is what he would say.
	If you're doing it on your own, you have to be your own marketer.
	Right.
	Which is hard.
	It's hard.
	You know what I mean?
	It's hard to be that.
	Is it?
	I don't like it.
	I'm uncomfortable trying to market myself.
	Oh, I guess that's interesting, but I think if you just put it out there, a lot of people will find it.
	For sure.
	Putting it out yourself.
	I'm talking about marketing it to be like, hey, here's crazy captions on the bottom of my...
	Right.
	You know what I mean?
	Yeah, some of that I think.
	And that stuff sucks too.
	I don't like to do.
	I don't like.
	I hate doing it.
	And most, you'd be surprised how many people hate doing it themselves, but it's the right thing to do.
	Yeah, it's interesting.
	Some of it's like, some of it, but sometimes the material can just stand on its own and you don't need like the big, but sometimes you do have to, you have to get some of it.
	You have to get the wording or something to get people to see it.
	Yeah, there's all those tricks that otherwise, if you were handled by a network, they would just handle it.
	They would just do it themselves.
	But if you're doing it yourself, unfortunately, you do have to play that type of game.
	Yeah, that's a good point.
	I heard that Mark Norman's was like the seventh most watched special.
	Yeah.
	If you liked over like you over HBO, Showtime, those sorts of ones that you're talking about.
	Yeah, because Netflix doesn't release theirs, right?
	They don't release their metrics.
	Yeah.
	But Norman put on a YouTube special and it's number seven.
	That's pretty crazy.
	It's pretty crazy.
	That's really crazy.
	So that's a lot of eyes, man.
	Yeah, hopefully.
	We'll see.
	It's exciting.
	Hopefully it does well.
	If it doesn't, you know, I'll just fucking kill myself.
	In your bunker.
	Bunker.
	I'll be like, guys, for real?
	We kind of did it.
	Anyway.
	And the articles are like, Like, I mean, I told you this was good.
	The articles were probably like, racist pizza man takes his own life.
	Who would have thought that that guy's idea, Adolf Hitler's, we're talking 19 after World War I. He's fucking wounded.
	His idea would someday reach the whole way to a little Caesar's in Ohio and just fuck someone's day up in 2021.
	But this is one thing I think that's good.
	A little butterfly flaps its wings type scenario.
	Just a guy in Austria gets denied from art school.
	Somebody's getting a fucked up pizza in the future.
	But this is the interesting thing that's just crazy about the world.
	Like you could be someone who could have the most negative or positive influence and a hundred years later, 150 years later, the best you're going to be is a joke on a pizza, you know?
	True.
	It's like also, I think it's also kind of cool to see that's where Nazis are now.
	It's like there's not, it's so, like, that's one thing I didn't like about the Charleston thing whenever those guys came out with those tiki torches, you know, and they're like, these guys are all Nazis.
	It's like, if this is, if, if we're down to 60 people with tiki torches, then we're, that's great.
	Yeah.
	Like, that's great.
	True.
	That's how I see it.
	Like, at least you, like, it wasn't like there was like 30,000 people meet up.
	I think, yeah, if you look up how many dudes are, like, actually in the KKK.
	Yeah.
	Probably 60. No, I think it's like 7,000.
	That's really?
	That's still pretty good.
	Oh, damn.
	That's like one high school football stadium.
	That's a good point.
	It's not that many guys.
	And if we're down, yeah, it's like sometimes it's like you got to look at some things as being pro, I feel like as you have to look at the actual progress.
	Yeah.
	It's like that's actual, like, if you compare to some of the pictures of like how many Nazis they had 200,000 years 200 years ago or 150 years ago.
	Yeah, they packed Madison Square Garden.
	Unbelievable.
	They filled Madison Square Garden in like the 30s.
	Did they really?
	Yeah.
	Wow.
	The Nazis were big, dude.
	The Nazis were doing good.
	And then Hitler, Hitler took it a little far.
	Yeah.
	Oh, whatever.
	We don't need to look up how many Klan members there are.
	3,000 nationwide, it said.
	Interesting.
	That is a lot, actually.
	I mean, it is a small amount for a country, but 3,000 dudes are still like.
	Yo, this shit out of rules.
	But I wonder if they're also just including fraternity kids that do that sign and the thing and that they'll be like, oh, these guys are white supremacists.
	I think that's probably estimated like 3,000 dudes that are like, no, I put on the hat.
	I'm fucking nuts, dude.
	I'm in it.
	I don't know what else to do.
	That's crazy.
	I wonder how many...
	Well, I think, wasn't it a joke when they did that?
	I think the guys who said that that was to make everybody follow through with it.
	I think.
	I could be wrong.
	You looked that up?
	I think there was like a 4chan thing or one of those guys type things.
	And they were like, it'll just make people look silly when they're like, actually, that's a secret white supremacist sign.
	Right.
	When it's like, no, it's A-OK.
	Or it's this game where you punch your friend in the arm.
	But the craziest part is if you then...
	But then the crazy part is you look back through time, so many pictures of people are like, okay, in the past, everything's okay.
	You're like, look at this white supremacist.
	Fucking Jesus.
	And then you have everybody doing it.
	Black, everybody's like, oh, look at this white supremacist.
	Guys are hitting threes in the NBA.
	Yeah, totally.
	I'm like, oh, shit.
	Remember that?
	LeBron?
	LeBron?
	One of us.
	One of us in my clandro.
	That's crazy, man.
	Would you still submit a packet for SNL, do you think?
	No.
	Me?
	Yeah.
	No.
	Would I submit one?
	I didn't submit one ever.
	Oh, you didn't?
	I was asked to by my agents, and I was like, I'm not going to submit a packet with a writing.
	I'm not going to get a writing job there.
	I'm 33. I'm not going to go be a writer.
	Yeah.
	So, no.
	I wouldn't have that.
	I'm too lazy.
	Yeah.
	I can't sit down and be a writer and then have somebody else go tell the jokes.
	Yeah.
	That'd be tough to watch.
	Yeah.
	You ever write on anything like that?
	Yeah.
	It'd be so hard.
	I can't imagine writing a joke and then watching another guy get laughs.
	Oh, yeah.
	And some people will do that and they're totally happy doing it.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I have some friends that are writers.
	This guy, Matt Goldich, he's a great writer.
	I mean, John McKeever is one of my guys.
	McKeever.
	He writes almost all those.
	Wow.
	Yeah.
	He has no problem being a writer.
	I'm just, which is probably a good thing.
	It's probably a healthy thing to be like, no, I don't care who gets the adoration.
	I'm like, they should laugh at me.
	If I wrote a joke and somebody else told it, I'd be like, fucking piece of shit.
	Stole it.
	I gave it to them.
	You know?
	Think about swastikas.
	Yeah, I think, well, even the swastika pizza guy, it's like, I was trying to tell the guy you have to do something, you have to put something on a pizza, and it's already been done.
	Yeah.
	So you got to, yeah, you just got to think of something kind of creative, I think.
	Yeah, do you think that you were part of like, you know, the Asian hate thing started?
	Do you feel like it was a starting point?
	Yeah, it was pretty bad luck.
	Do you feel like you started that at all?
	No.
	But I was actually, yeah, now that you mention it, yes.
	I was one of the first.
	I was definitely early in the Asian hate community.
	Because after that, that's when it kind of took off, I feel like.
	That's when.
	Yeah.
	But it wasn't obviously.
	I mean, that's ridiculous.
	No, that's fine.
	It was kind of, yeah.
	I mean, it was media attention about a slur directed at Asian people.
	So yes, that definitely.
	And people are perfectly reasonable to see a headline that says, this guy said this slur.
	And they're perfectly reasonable to be like, fuck that guy.
	You know what I mean?
	Yeah.
	And I do the same thing.
	I don't read articles.
	I'll see a fucking headline.
	I'll be like, oh, shit, they're guilty.
	Fuck them.
	Or there's no context.
	Or who knows how the fuck does the Washington Post report on a podcast from 2018 and see the accuracy they're using here?
	Or are they just like, this guy's getting fired for being racist?
	Clicks.
	What can we call it?
	Clicks.
	Clicks.
	It's crazy, huh?
	Yeah, no one cares.
	It's all done.
	The caring is done.
	The problem is, though, is when they write those articles, after what I've said, that doesn't count.
	When they write an article that says a slur, like this guy used this slur, then normal people who obviously would have never heard Matt and Shane's secret podcast are like, holy shit, he said, like, they're just in the New York Times, it's like, here's the word that that guy said that's bad.
	Right.
	That would have never reached these people ever.
	You know?
	What percentage did your viewership go up after the article?
	It probably doubled.
	Yeah.
	Since the months after SNL, our listenership probably quadrupled.
	Yeah, for sure.
	Because then people heard about it and watched it.
	So it's helped the podcast.
	This is actually funny.
	So it's helped the podcast.
	Tremendously.
	Wow.
	Yeah.
	But it's not like it's helping the podcast in that racists are showing up and being like, hell yeah, brother.
	No, it's like people that are like, oh, it sounds, you know, I was trying to figure out who the pizza guys were.
	Yeah.
	Turns out if they were putting out some more funny content, I'd probably check in with them and see what they were up to.
	Once you're in the news, people are going to look at you and be like, all right, this sounds kind of funny.
	Yeah.
	Where does this go from here?
	If it's bad, you just close the window.
	Yeah.
	And we're not condoning this, guys.
	We're not condoning it.
	That's a scary thing now.
	It's like, you don't, it's like the people who are judging, they don't care if it's a joke or not.
	No.
	No.
	They don't care at all.
	Oh, yeah, you got that fucking thing tonight.
	Yeah.
	I was just thinking, I was like, what's he got to lose?
	Oh, shit.
	Tonight?
	I was like, yeah, I'd be a little cagey.
	Maybe don't put this out until that's done.
	Will we ever be able to put it out?
	Do you think this podcast is too much or not?
	No, this podcast is not too much.
	I know it's not.
	Okay.
	I'm certain it's not.
	It's clearly joking.
	Okay.
	Very clearly joking.
	Yeah.
	I just want to make it clear we are joking.
	If you were putting up like pictures of like, I don't know, horrible things and being like, look at those losers.
	I'm glad that happened.
	That'd be bad.
	Yeah, I wouldn't do anything like that.
	You don't seem like you would do that.
	You don't seem like a very mean guy.
	Do you ever freak out and get mean to people?
	Sometimes I get angry, but my anger is always usually just inside of myself.
	It doesn't have anything to do with the people outside of me.
	So sometimes I react, I interact with the world angrily, but it's just the way I interact with everything.
	Do you get mean to people?
	You seem like a very nice guy.
	I think I'm a pretty nice guy.
	I think with work and stuff, sometimes I get kind of demanding, I think.
	Yeah.
	Someone's like around, are you ever like, you can fuck off, dude?
	Get the fuck out of here.
	You never fucking spit on anyone?
	No.
	I never spit on anyone.
	One girl was asking about it, but.
	Was she?
	Yeah, she was.
	This little pretty tall girl.
	Not that tall, but kind of normal heighted, I guess.
	Regular, regular girl.
	Yeah, cool girl.
	Pretty cool.
	She was pretty cool.
	I don't know.
	I don't know her that good.
	I've been getting angry lately.
	Have you?
	Yeah, I keep waking up because the girl I've been seeing, she screams in the middle of the night sometimes.
	Oh, wow.
	All the time, actually.
	Like every other night.
	She's like, at like three in the morning.
	And every time I'm like, if I'm waking up, if you're waking up scared, you're going to be mad.
	You know what I mean?
	Like every time I wake up, I'm like, what the fuck?
	She's like, and I'm going to be like, shut the fuck up.
	Shut up.
	Because I wake up like, ah.
	This is all the time.
	Oh, that's crazy.
	Shut the fuck up.
	Shut up.
	And then she wakes up to me just every night screaming at her.
	Because she's asleep when she's screaming.
	So she's coming out of this sleepwalking to me, like, go to sleep, shut the fuck up.
	So every night she wakes up at four in the morning to me, like, sitting up in the bed, like, would you shut the fuck up?
	It's a real terrifying relationship.
	And she sleepwalks sometimes.
	So the other night I woke up and she was standing in my room naked in the room in the dark.
	Dude, it was scary.
	I left the room.
	I slept on the couch.
	I was very scared.
	And then I was afraid of my girlfriend.
	I was on the couch.
	Like, she walks through that fucking door.
	This is terrifying, dude.
	Dude, she got you right where she wants you.
	She's so scary.
	Oh, man.
	Oh, my God.
	You ever have sleep paralysis?
	That'd be something you'd like.
	Sleep paralysis is insane, but I fucking have it.
	You ever have it?
	I love it, dude.
	I've only had it once, and it was the worst possible one.
	It's crazy.
	She's a demon standing at the floor.
	That's what she reminds me of.
	She's just standing there.
	Wow.
	Nothing scarier than like a naked person in the dark.
	Yeah.
	But yeah, I had sleep paralysis.
	Sleep paralysis is good, man.
	I like it.
	I feel like it's a sign of things to come.
	it's excitement.
	Mine was a demon.
	Oh, really?
	In Norse mythology, it's a...
	That's the scariest part.
	No.
	Let me tell you this.
	These images.
	So I didn't know what sleep paralysis was.
	One night, I was going through a breakup, so I was very stressed out, and I went to sleep in my parents' basement, and I woke up, and there was that exact figure standing at the foot of my bed.
	And what is it?
	Standing.
	And then it walked around the side of my bed, like reaching towards me.
	And it's so real.
	Like, it was so real that I thought it was an intruder.
	I couldn't be like, this is a demon.
	I was like, oh, shit, someone's in here.
	Even though they looked ridiculous.
	They looked like this Slender Man.
	And they were like walking around the side of my bed, reaching towards my face.
	And then I woke up right when they got there.
	But it was so real, I tried to fight them.
	Like, I thought it was real.
	And you couldn't make it.
	Even when I woke up, I was still, I got out of my bed and was hiding on the side of my bed and then tried to fight this fucking thing.
	And obviously it was gone.
	But then several months later, I was just looking at Wikipedia.
	There's like lists of like creepy Wikipedia articles, which is a fun read.
	It's fun to pass the time.
	And then I saw sleep paralysis, so I clicked it and the image was the image from my dream.
	So I saw something I saw in my dream on the internet months later.
	After.
	After.
	It's crazy.
	See, that makes me think.
	It's the one with like the red eyes leaning.
	Keep going down.
	You'll find this fucking.
	You'll never find it.
	That's the one that makes me seem this is what is.
	But it's just crazy.
	Yeah, everybody sees the same thing.
	That's what's fucking very spooky.
	Yeah, dude.
	I saw somebody drew what I saw in my dreams.
	Oh, that's insane.
	I feel like, yeah, I always feel like, oh, something's.
	Go to images on Google.
	You'll find it.
	Sleep round.
	I feel like something's coming to get me.
	You know, it's right here.
	But I never see the thing.
	I got to look around the next thing.
	You don't want to see the thing.
	You'll find him.
	Yeah, it's that guy with bottom right.
	Now he's bottom left.
	He was standing at the foot of my bed.
	Wrong one, but that's all right.
	Swinging and missed.
	Another fucking thing.
	Go scroll down a little.
	This guy.
	Right there, that guy.
	Nope.
	Are you fucking with me?
	No, he's not.
	He's not fucking with me.
	This is how it is.
	You were on it.
	I was like, that's the one.
	This is how it is, man.
	This is how they do it.
	Well, that's worked.
	This is what I get going.
	That's what I saw, dude.
	This guy right here.
	Yes.
	At the foot of my bed, except my guy had like a more white face.
	Okay.
	So almost like a black guy and white face, kind of?
	Wow.
	Even the scariest.
	That's the scariest.
	Oh, that's great.
	You know what I mean?
	What world are we in where a black guy is doing white face?
	Lester Holt, really.
	But Lester Holt, I feel like Lester Holt's secretly a white guy.
	Do you think?
	Oh.
	I don't know much about Lester Holt.
	Pull up a picture of Lester Holt, please.
	This will be 12 minutes.
	Lou Holt.
	Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Oh, yeah.
	You telling me that's not a white guy in blackface or in Tanner.
	I think.
	Yeah, this is a tough one.
	I. Lester.
	I mean.
	How'd he look when he was younger?
	Oh, that's a great.
	Oh, there he is right there.
	If that's him in the black and white.
	Yeah.
	Really?
	That's him?
	Wow.
	Oh, shit, dude.
	Even transitioned.
	Even that seems like a white guy in a wig, kind of.
	Yeah.
	To be honest, you are getting borderline.
	This type of thing is a little dangerous.
	It is?
	Speculating on black guys' race.
	Oh, damn.
	Look, I'll tell you where the line is.
	Okay.
	We're getting close.
	Okay, sorry.
	Then back me out.
	I've just been, there's been a lot of discussion.
	Did you see Sean King?
	Sean King?
	Uh-uh.
	I've heard of him.
	He was like an activist.
	Oh, and he was white activists?
	He's like pretty white.
	Oh, that's crazy.
	I think you can take that shot publicly.
	Oh, here you go.
	But it's going to be, in the future, everybody's going to be beige, and it's going to be ridiculous.
	We're all even arguing about race stuff.
	Yeah, for sure.
	Like, it's beige.
	But it's funny for white people to say that, though.
	To like be the purveyors of racism for the longest time, and then towards the end, be like, what are we even fighting about?
	It's like, you don't get to decide that.
	That's true.
	It's very funny.
	It's like when a girl fights you and then she's just like, she starts crying.
	You're like, what are you crying about?
	You fucked with me.
	Yeah.
	It's an easy out.
	It's good for the honkies trying to hit the eject button.
	Like, what are we doing that's a good idea?
	You're talking about.
	Maybe I have such a white perspective sometimes.
	No, I don't think that's what you're doing.
	I think it's a reasonable thing.
	It's not like, that's the thing.
	It's easy to compare racism and all that stuff to like, Well, if you punched me, I'd be mad about it.
	But it's like, are we talking about our grandparents or our ancestors?
	Right.
	Like, that's where it gets murky because it's like, well, I didn't do that.
	Yeah, Eric's family.
	It's like you're benefiting from it.
	But like, it's all, you know, it's confusing.
	Eric Griffin has a great joke.
	He's like, it's like when you walk in an elevator and somebody farted in there, but you didn't do it, you know?
	And somebody looks at you like you did it.
	You're like, I didn't fart in there.
	But I didn't.
	Yeah.
	But the smell is still there, but the effects of it are still around.
	Certainly.
	And Eric's a bit.
	Is he fat?
	Was he fat?
	He looks like he's skinny now.
	He used to be thicker than...
	He used to definitely...
	Trust me, as a big guy myself, I know what it's like.
	The fart blaming, it's in there.
	It has a lot of people.
	Wow, if you're a big guy, if somebody farted in this room, you guys would be like.
	Really?
	Being a fat guy on a plane, you're getting hit with the looks.
	Oh, yeah.
	There's somebody shit their pants.
	Everyone's looking at you.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, that could be true.
	Yeah, it could be true, man.
	I think it's also, it's grandparents a lot, too.
	One more question here we got.
	Yo, Theo, yo, Shane, got my other drip.
	What's going on?
	Gang, baby.
	Gang, gang, salt life, the whole nine.
	Shane, my question is, tell the story about how you made Dave Chappelle run.
	I think you've only told it on like dad meet and only took like two minutes.
	Can I get a full, in-depth story about how you, and I think it was O'Connie's, made Chappelle run?
	That'd be great.
	Gang.
	It's kind of a brag.
	Is it?
	Yeah.
	Made Chappelle laugh and you're like jogged around a little.
	Oh, really?
	Yeah, I don't want to brag about it.
	But yeah, so it was after we got fired.
	I got fired.
	Okay.
	It was like a couple months later, I went to London.
	Me and my friend went to London just to have a week off, like chilling.
	Okay.
	And Chappelle was in town.
	Someone from the cellar hooked it up for me to...
	Oh, yeah.
	Hooked it up for me to go see the show.
	And then Chappelle knew that I was there, so he was like, I want to meet him.
	He wanted to meet me because he's interested in the cancel culture stuff.
	And we got to hang out.
	And it was just, he cleared everybody out.
	It was just me and my friend me and O'Connor and Dave Chappelle just drinking in London.
	Were you nervous there?
	No, again, it was all so surreal.
	Like it was still so fucking surreal.
	Every single thing that happened in like a four-month span, you know?
	And I just told him a story about Louis CK because that was another guy I was became friends with, kind of, not friends, but like, you know.
	Yeah.
	You just, you're in people's circles now, so you meet these people.
	But I was just telling Chappelle a story about, because somebody was taking pictures of me talking to Chappelle.
	And he was kind of like, let's not get some pictures with this guy right now.
	You know what I mean?
	Like, this isn't the best thing.
	He's like, I'm cool with cancel culture.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	We don't need this.
	I'm against cancel culture, but I'm not.
	I don't want to be into pictures.
	I like that picture of Rumsfeld with Saddam Hussein.
	We don't need this picture.
	And then I told him a story about Louis coming into a, it was at the Patrice O'Neill Benefit.
	Louis walked in.
	I was sitting with him.
	And like a photographer came over and I leaned to Louie and I was like, you want to get a picture with me?
	Just to fuck with him.
	I knew that's obviously a terrible photo for both of us.
	Like me and Louie together.
	I was like, you want to get a picture together?
	And he was like, no.
	I just remember him.
	And as soon as I told Chappelle that he was like, no.
	He started running around.
	He's like, ah, ah, ah.
	It was great.
	It was a cool moment.
	Was there ever a comedian you heard laugh at your show that you were like, oh, that's awesome?
	Louie.
	Really?
	Louie.
	I saw, I was at the cellar.
	I saw him laughing.
	And I was just like, dude, this is.
	That was my guy.
	That's the guy.
	That's my favorite.
	Yeah, man.
	His special online is so good.
	He's so good.
	It's so good.
	Yeah.
	A guy from here just went on the road and opened up with him for a while.
	I was talking to him last night.
	Yeah, Chance.
	Yeah, it's awesome.
	Chance Willie, man.
	He's talented, young Shape.
	Chappelle was another one.
	That's like that picture that we showed earlier.
	That was Chappelle followed.
	He went after me.
	Oh, cool.
	And he got on and was like, that was funny and brought me back up.
	Like, that was really cool.
	That's cool, man.
	That was me doing the Louie story at the top.
	That's why I'm making the Louis face.
	Oh, that's awesome.
	Oh, yeah.
	You can see no one laughed at that either.
	Yeah, you got to fight for comedy, man.
	We have to fight to be able to joke around.
	Isn't that crazy?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Especially when most people know you're joking, that there's this.
	It's like Tech is the new government.
	Every tech is the new government.
	Yeah, for sure.
	Everyone knows you're joking.
	Even the people writing the articles, they know it's a fucking joke.
	They have a bigger agenda they're trying to push.
	Yeah.
	And they're pretending what you're saying is serious.
	Yeah.
	And that's just what it is, and that's fine.
	Right.
	In fact, it kind of wouldn't be as funny if people weren't getting upset.
	Right.
	It's kind of, you know, if we were all like, nice pizza, nice swastika on that pizza, dude.
	Right.
	It'd be like.
	Like, if people thought that you and I actually hated Jewish people or were fans of Nazism because we joked about the war.
	If literally there would be zero blowback for going on a podcast and being like, here's some funny things about Hitler.
	It's not as dangerous.
	It's not as funny.
	You know what I mean?
	That's the point I'm trying to make.
	Right, right.
	Pizza swastika.
	If those guys made that and sent that, and everybody at Little Caesars and the people who received it were like, that was funny.
	Nice.
	Right.
	It wouldn't be as funny.
	Right, right.
	The backlash on that one is that makes it funny.
	Then people would be like, what?
	I can't believe this.
	I didn't know there were Nazis at Little Caesars.
	Yeah, that's crazy.
	It's making it funnier.
	You know?
	That's interesting.
	People are like, I can't believe there's so many undercover Nazis at the comedy cellar.
	It's like, what?
	You think there's Nazis at the comedy cellar?
	That's the crazy thing is that some people think there really are.
	It's like, I don't think there's one person that voted for a Republican.
	Yeah.
	That's how far away from fascism that is.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, it's wild, man.
	It's a different time, dude.
	Yeah, I don't...
	Yeah.
	It's kind of, I get.
	I'm sorry, man.
	No, no, no.
	Don't be sorry.
	I'm kind of, I mean, I did it.
	I did it to myself.
	I'm sorry about that.
	I'm kind of the games of culture guy now.
	I know.
	It's just, it gets, like when people.
	I don't think so.
	I don't think so either.
	I'm confident I'm not.
	I'm confident I'm good enough at stand-up that I'm not going to be.
	Then, if you know that about yourself, then you're going to be fine.
	Yeah, I am fine.
	I'm not worried about that.
	I never really was.
	I never was like, this is going to...
	That's how I was introduced into the comedy world.
	Yeah.
	But.
	Was there any Asian comedians that were supportive?
	Yeah, for sure.
	That's cool.
	For sure.
	Definitely behind closed doors.
	In fact, everybody was supportive behind the scenes.
	Right.
	And that's to my face, too.
	So I'm sure there was a lot of them that weren't very supportive, that weren't just going to walk up to me.
	Like, I've had problems with people, and I'm not going to walk up to them and be like, you know, you're a piece of shit.
	Right.
	So, of course, nobody's saying it.
	Everything's kind of, yeah.
	But yeah, there were a lot of people, for sure.
	That's cool, man.
	Yeah, I mean, I think there were a lot of people that had conversations with people that knew me, that actually knew me, that were like, oh, okay.
	You know?
	Like, if you see a headline and you're like, oh, shit, this guy said what?
	And then you look it up or you call his friend and you're like, is he like a racist dude?
	And they're like, no, not at all.
	He was fucking around.
	Yeah.
	It changes things.
	You're just like, oh, all right.
	Yeah.
	Because I read an article that said he was racist.
	Well, it's weird because it makes it scary to talk about anything sometimes.
	And it's also as podcasters, it's like they could go back through anything and take out three or four words from so many things.
	For sure.
	Absolutely.
	But not many dudes are getting, I don't know, SNL seems like one of the few jobs that they would do that for.
	Like, they're not going to go back and cancel guys just willy-nilly.
	They're not just going to, like, it's got to be a big, you know, if you're starring in a movie, then people might be like, all right, let's take a look at him.
	Let's go listen to a couple apps.
	Yeah, see his episodes.
	Yeah.
	Well, Shane, man, thanks so much for having me on the show last night.
	Yeah, I'm a fan.
	I feel like, yeah, same, man.
	It's cool.
	It's nice to meet you, bro.
	And, yeah, wish you the best of luck and all of that kind of jazz.
	Good, man.
	Hopefully you don't get in trouble from this episode.
	We might.
	Do you think we will or no?
	No.
	Really?
	See, that's what's interesting.
	I'm so excited.
	I'll say this.
	When I got in trouble, when we would get done with an episode, I'd be like, we're going to get in trouble.
	Is it weird then that I feel that way sometimes right now?
	It's never like...
	Every time if I think it's close, I'm like, oh, I delete that, huh?
	That was bad.
	We never deleted, but it's always like, this one, no chance.
	You're totally fine.
	We are?
	You're fine.
	I don't think I said anything that bad.
	Sean, what do you think?
	We're good.
	This is the guy that did it to you.
	How do you feel?
	I feel great.
	Do you remember what happened?
	I do.
	Do you really?
	I do.
	Oh, nice.
	Well, not nice, but I'm saying I'm surprised you know about it because sometimes when people don't know about it, particularly when they're Asian, I got to be like, well, here's what I said.
	Like, I'll get done with a show and there'll be Asian.
	Obviously, there's Asian people that like comedy.
	They come to shows and they're like, you were our favorite tonight.
	What's your name?
	Mark Norman.
	You know what I mean?
	You don't want to get hit with the fucking Google in front of you.
	Like, they're like, what's your Instagram?
	I'll look it up.
	It's like Shane Gillis.
	That was the wildest part was taking the train because I was poor when I got canceled.
	So like, that's the only way I travel.
	And like, people would be on the train like reading the news.
	And for three days, I was the news.
	I was the news.
	So people would literally be like.
	Like on the subway, like looking at me, sitting there like.
	Did you try to look nicer when you were the news?
	Did you notice at all?
	You definitely act nicer to everyone around you.
	When you're in trouble like that, oh, for sure.
	You want everyone to think like, he's a nice guy.
	Yeah.
	It's fucked up, but you definitely become a lot.
	Now, maybe it's because you're not as stressed about minor things where you would have an ego with somebody about like, did you just bump me or some bullshit like that?
	Right.
	When you're getting canceled, you're like, I love you.
	We love each other, right?
	It's like you want everyone to like you because you're getting destroyed publicly.
	Maybe I wonder if that's why some comedians always want everybody.
	They always, I wonder if there's some correlation in there why a lot of comedians, that's why you want everybody to like you because you feel like from the jump or something you've, You feel bad.
	Yes.
	Maybe.
	I think a lot of comedians feel bad.
	I feel bad.
	Yeah.
	I feel bad most of the time.
	Yeah.
	But yeah, when you're getting in trouble, you're nice to everybody.
	It's very funny.
	Yeah.
	That's cool.
	Yeah.
	It's funny knowing that like Harvey Weinstein was probably nice as hell towards the end.
	It's probably hell.
	The shit hit the fan.
	He's probably buying everybody like Harry and Dan.
	I fucked up.
	I know I fucked up.
	Yeah, the whole having to explain people what happened is a tough one.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Do you feel some type of way over there, Riley Mao?
	Sometimes.
	No, do you have any?
	Do you feel anything about what Shane did?
	Oh.
	No, not really.
	Okay.
	Yeah.
	You guys are good.
	I appreciate that.
	I appreciate that.
	Of course.
	I didn't mean anything.
	I apologize.
	Thanks, Theo.
	That's a good idea.
	You got you for me?
	Is that what that was?
	How the fuck did you think that was going to be?
	How did you think that was going to go?
	Here's the guy who did it.
	Here's that son of a bitch who did it.
	How do you feel about it?
	Here's the opportunity.
	I can't even see him.
	Yeah, well, I can, and it's not comfortable.
	My bad, man.
	No, it's fucking.
	Oh, Jesus Christ, dude.
	Yeah, bringing me on and be like, we've actually brought in one of your victims.
	It's like that show.
	Like where you go sit with the murderer's family or whatever.
	Oh, fuck.
	Shane Gillis, man, thanks so much for coming in, bro.
	Thanks for your time, dude.
	Yeah, this is great.
	this is great.
	Thank you.
	Yeah, you bet.
	Now I'm just floating on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
	I must be cornerstone.
	Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind.
	I found I can feel it in my bones.
	But it's gonna take a little time for me to set that parking break and let myself on my shine.
	Find that light on me
	I'll sit and tell you a story of the snake just before I've been moving way too fast on the runaway train with a heavy load of my past.
	And these wheels that I've been riding on, they won't so thin that they're damn near gone.
	I guess now they just weren't built to land.
	Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
	The answer may shock you.
	Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
	Sometimes I won't.
	And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
	You have three new voice messages.
	A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
	I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else.
	So great.
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	Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.
	Do you know what I mean?
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	I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.
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	I think Tom Hanks just buckdowned me.
	Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kai Club.
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