Theo talks about living in a new home, a recent stand up set, and takes some suggestions of senior quotes for last weeks caller Zachary. He also checks in with a single mother who was nominated by a listener, and takes voicemails from some people struggling with some issues. Music "The Come Up" - Eddie 9V https://linktr.ee/Eddie9V Support our sponsors: The Zebra: For Insurance in black & White https://TheZebra.com/theo Fabletics Modiphy New Merch: https://theovonstore.com Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to tpwproducer@gmail.com. Hit the Hotline 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: http://bit.ly/TPW_VideoHotline Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiEKV_MOhwZ7OEcgFyLKilw Producer: Nick Davis https://instagram.com/realnickdavis Producer: Sean Dugan https://www.instagram.com/SeanDugan/
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Today's episode is brought to you by Gray Block Pizza, 1811 Pico Boulevard, on the way to the beach in Los Angeles.
Gray Block, get that hitter.
And they used to have a big girl bus, they called her Clutch.
That's what they call her.
Because she was uh conceived in a um standard vehicle.
You know?
So that's how that works, baby.
Um, good to be here, man.
I'm just an egomaniac with an inferiority complex.
And I'm just trying to come up.
Who isn't?
Come on.
This is the Come Up with Eddie 9V.
I'm on a come up.
Yeah.
Feels real good after I've been so blue.
Mm-hmm.
He's on a come up.
He's on a come up.
I'm on a come up.
It feels so good to have a brand new view.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's on a come up.
Well, I just broke off with my baby.
Now I can finally get the love in you.
Come on.
Yeah, yeah.
Come up.
Well, I just moved up to Lucky Street when the mayor came and said to me, You're on a come up.
Come on.
You're on a come up, baby.
Come on.
And it's plain to see between you and me.
We got so much loving in chemistry.
It's about a come up.
Well, good things keep on coming.
And there ain't gonna be no running.
No, I'm on a come up.
Come up.
It's about a come up.
There you go.
Good things that keep on coming.
And I ain't gonna keep on running.
I'm on the come up.
And that is Eddie 9V.
They call him Eddie 9V.
And people look at Eddie and they say, well, damn, man.
And that's Eddie 9V.
Good to be here, man.
I'm alive.
You're alive.
And what's going on?
It is, hell, it's the end of March.
It's 2021.
And a lot of people didn't think this was going to happen.
And I'm not naming names, but Mayans, dude.
So if you know any Mayans out there, Maya, who they got?
Maya Rudolph, Maya Angelou, um, um, um, There's a couple of Mayans out there still remaining and they don't believe in the calendar.
So must be nice.
Must be nice, Mayans, to just somebody invite you over and you say, well, yeah, I don't believe in, you know, oh, Friday doesn't exist, so I'm not going to be there.
Or somebody says, hey, come to my birthday party and they say, hey, well, you know, the world ended 11 years ago, so I'm not bringing a present.
You know, that's the most Mayan shit ever, bro.
That's so Mayan.
How is that not a TV show?
That's so Mayan.
And we can actually get to the bottom of what these Mayans were saying.
Because the Mayans, I mean, whatever.
I don't want to give them any more credit, but you know what they did.
They sold us short.
That's what they did.
That song again was called The Come Up with Brighter Days by Eddie 9V.
And that's a nice tune right there.
And you know, what's going on?
What's going on in your world?
We got a nice episode for you today.
I want to continue to suggest to people that they send in unique videos and things that they want us to discuss on here.
Also on theovon.com is where you can upload the video.
Or you can email it to tpwproducer at gmail or gummail.com right there.
So what's happening?
Well, I'm in the original studio, baby.
Let's go.
So if you need me, I'm right here.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Moi, baby, French, me, daddy.
Because I'm here.
Look, I'm, you know, I'm multi.
You don't have to be in one place anymore.
When I was young, you had to be in one place.
If you wanted to, you know, if you wanted to talk to a man who sold matches, you had to go.
He was only at the match shop.
Or if you wanted to see a man about a, you know, a cantaloupe or a horse or anything, if you wanted to talk to somebody that sold belts, you know, or outdoor equipment, yard seating, then you needed to go to a specific spot and meet him.
But now, people can be anywhere.
You see how I just did that?
I'm in three spots, Daddy.
I'm in three spots right there if you're looking on the video.
Yeah, nice to be here.
I did some comedy last night.
Got up out there at, they had a place over in Los Angeles.
It's like between two buildings, and you can hear people, you can hear, I'll be honest, you can hear gay dudes swallowing pills right on the other side of the fence.
I mean, it's, you know, there's a lot of that kind of activity, you know, outdoor, barbituate use.
And a lot of men trying to say they're just buddies, but they're Also, you know, one of them has a condom in his sock.
So, you know, what they call, they used to call it Christmas friends.
When I was growing up, they would refer if they had men.
When I was growing up, they didn't have, but probably maybe 70 or 80 gay men, you know, overall.
Okay.
And so, you know, you didn't, there wasn't a lot of, now there's a thousands.
You know, you have gay pride parade.
You have, you know, gay, you know, you have bathhouses.
You have, what do you have?
You have Kathy Griffin.
You have all of the, you know, everything you could want.
You got, you know, you got little, you know, sex toys and stuff where you could also do a little bit of Coke off the end of it.
You know, they got everything that, you know, they got man, you know, every, you know, they got swing sets that vibrate.
They got everything you could want for gay culture now.
But when I was young, they didn't have that.
And sometimes you would see men being with other men, and they called it Christmas friends.
Oh, that's, those guys are Christmas friends.
Or they would say, oh, them boys is, you know, they said there's, oh, those boys are brothers.
You know, they tried to trick you if you were a kid.
And they didn't want you knowing that gay existed.
Because that was kind of the time I grew up in.
They didn't want everybody knowing that gay was an option.
It was still kind of under wraps.
It was kind of covert.
You know, it was like it was available, but it wasn't readily available.
It was like these top shot NBA basketball cards.
If you're not on the website at a certain time, you're not going to get it.
And that's kind of how it was with gay back then.
You know, it just wasn't readily available.
So every now and then you see men and your parents would say, oh, those guys are unique brothers.
Or those guys are cousins, you know, and you'd be like, well, they're cousins.
Why are they wrestling and kind of kissing in the front of that Pontiac?
And nobody had a lot of answers for you.
But anyway, that is The Come Up by Eddie 9v.
And what's going on in my life, man?
Oh, yeah, I got into a new home.
And it's kind of like, I never, you know, I went out of town.
So I'm back here in Los Angeles for a week.
And so I'm like, whoa, I literally was leaving the house.
And I was like, well, who takes care of the house while I'm gone?
You know, who walk, like, is, is everything okay?
I literally looked, I was like, you guys going to be okay?
And I'm just like talking to the furniture.
I just, it was kind of nerd.
I just, I don't know.
I didn't think about who is taking care of the home.
Well, because I never owned it.
So now I'm just like, okay, every, you know, I'll open up the cupboard.
I'll be like, all right, you guys be good, you know.
And it's just like a little spice rack in there or, you know, some thyme and some, what else they had in there?
Cinnamon.
So.
But that's been kind of interesting.
Just kind of feeling that out, you know.
Can't decide if I want a hat on or off, you know?
You ever feel like that?
I get like that sometimes.
You know, a hat is just a little apartment for your head, really.
And that is legitimate.
What's going on?
Yeah, a lot of neat stuff.
Yeah, so if you have some cool stuff, send it in.
We're going to get into some things on this episode.
What's happening?
What's happening kind of?
Like, what happened this past weekend?
I did some comedy sets over there.
That's what I was telling you about.
I did some comedy sets over there in Los Angeles.
And they had, you know, I don't know.
I got an argument with this one, not an argument, but like a confrontational moment, kind of, I guess, with this one female comedian.
And she, I don't know.
I've never seen this woman seem like she has ever had an ounce of joy in her being.
But anyway, she got on me like, I didn't have a mask on.
I didn't have a mask on.
And here's why, because nobody has them on anymore.
That's what I'm saying.
And I'm not, I've now spent time in Nashville.
I've spent time in Los Angeles.
I don't see them anymore.
People don't got them.
And so that's like, well, you know, so she gets on me.
She like kind of like, oh, you don't think we should be wearing masks, you know?
And I'm like, I just, you know, nobody has.
Meanwhile, there is a, I don't want to say homeless guy, but a guy who, you know, this dude is not, this guy hasn't been in a laundry room, I bet, in probably a year and a half.
And he's defecating, bro.
You know what I'm saying?
Making freaking body rope, dog.
You feel me?
You know what I'm saying?
Serving that booty isthmus.
You know what I'm saying, bro.
This dude's making them freaking dirty Floridas just rolling out of his boot.
And so I, Like nine feet away from us, and this lady's giving me a hard time.
So, but I stood my ground, baby, and let my yappers shine.
So, that was it.
It was a little conversation.
It was kind of exciting, though.
It was kind of exciting.
I got to be in a Tesla.
I got to be in a Tesla.
And that was interesting because I'd never been in there.
And it's real quiet.
I almost felt like a snail, like a snail, like if you were in his little cage or whatever.
You know, or his butt.
I don't know.
What is that thing a snail has?
His butt?
Oh, I never even thought about that.
That a snail is just, you know, he's just scooting around with his big butt behind him, really.
With them apple bottom jeans, baby.
And he scoots with the freaking fur, bro.
Snail's got that freaking peach on him, boo-boo.
You know it.
He's got that booty.
So anyway, I got to be in a Tesla.
was interesting.
It doesn't feel...
I like...
I like knowing that if somebody mishandles a cigarette in the vehicle, we could all die.
You know, call me old-fashioned.
I like that.
I just like something about it a little bit.
I like when you get in a real classic vehicle.
And a classic vehicle is, you know, that's a, it's something people are basically hoping that if their grandpa dies, he's going to give them.
That's what it is.
And some of those, when you put gasoline in them, it's like, you sit in there.
I think, my God.
I mean, you could feel the Lord just, it feels like the whole, you sit, it feels like the Lord's jerking you off, you know?
Trying to bust you out at a just a DNA level.
Just really trying to just get you to skeet right out of your damn spine, baby.
You know what I'm saying?
So.
Yeah, so that was it.
It was interesting to leave a house.
It's just interesting to have a home.
It's kind of scary, I guess.
I've always kind of thought of myself, I think, as kind of transient a little bit.
You know, and I kind of like being a little bit transient.
I like having the ability to go.
And to come, you know what I'm saying, boy?
Just joking, guys.
Jesus, man.
Take care of yourself, man.
But no, I realize that about, I like always having the ability to just kind of scoot off if I want to.
You know, less hooks in the fish.
And I realize that about myself.
When it comes to anything, I like having one foot out the door.
I'll be eating at the dinner table, but I'll be damned if I don't have one of my legs all the way out the door.
Or at least hanging out the window or something.
I'll at least leave my shoes over there.
Because I got one foot out the door.
It's just the way I've always been, kind of.
You know, I think I just don't want to feel connected.
I don't know.
I think sometimes that I don't want to feel connected, man.
I want to, but, man.
You know, it's scary how much connection can how debilitating it can almost be.
How, yeah, I mean, it's a vulnerable thing just showing your glue to somebody, just saying, hey, here's the sticky parts of who I am.
Does this work for you?
Does this work for this?
Yeah, it's interesting, man.
It's really interesting.
Having something that is a form of commitment for me is interesting.
So we got a good episode, I feel like.
And I want to thank Nick Davis, the producer, and Sean Dugan over there, Riley Mao and Colin Reiner, and everybody who helps take care of this program.
So what we got here is I'm having a little bit of that liquid death, baby.
I didn't know water could be, I'll be honest with you, I didn't know water could have as much damn water in it.
This water has the most water per water that I've ever seen, man, or been around.
We had a lot of people that submitted, you know, we had a young fellow last week that called in.
He couldn't decide a senior quote to leave into his yearbook.
And yearbook, man, I hope, have they discontinued yearbooks?
I wonder that.
I hope not.
Because yearbooks was that, it was that end of the year thing.
It was the last chance for you to say what you wanted to say to that person.
Hey, Jennifer, I hope you have a great summer.
you got nice legs you could say and sign it.
And then here's the thing: you would close it and give it back to them, so they didn't know immediately where you signed it.
It was almost like a time capsule for guys who were afraid to say something to a girl.
And now you had all summer.
You had all summer to wonder, oh, dang, does Jennifer know how I feel about her limbs?
It was just different.
It was a different time.
Or you'd write, oh, Tiandra, good luck with the baby.
You could write stuff like that.
Because where I'm from, these girls got embryoed up, baby.
You know?
These things, man.
I don't know if you've ever been to Embry Riddle University, but this was no laughing matter, bro.
These gals got embryoed up, boy.
Bitch better have my zygote.
They was yoed out, baby, these girls.
I never will forget.
I lost the spelling bee in fifth grade to a pregnant girl.
God bless her.
Helena was her name.
Named after her grandmother, who was also Helena.
And beautiful girl.
Not really beautiful, but nice girl with a baby.
So, you know, and I had all, you know, I had all these things that she was cheating or she had a baby in her.
It's, you know, she's running on, you know, because God puts that extra little batch of effort in you when you got a baby in you.
You got a little brain powder flowing in your veins because it's, but you got to make a brain.
So over the first couple months, you got little pieces of brain rolling through your body like Tetris.
And then they meet up in there in the baby's head.
So I'm thinking, oh, this lucky broad.
The spelling bee came right along, you know, when she was just kind of zygging that goat, you know what I'm saying?
In that first trimester, dog.
So I'm thinking every now and then they would ask her to spell this or spell that, spell rattlesnake, you know, spell shifer robe, spell panty.
And right as she was thinking, that a little piece of that baby brain would get, you know, lodged in the back of her, you know, throat.
And that would help her get the word right.
And I lost on inconvenience, I remember losing on.
But it was a good time, man.
It was the goodest of times, and it was the worst of times.
We got some senior quotes that came in, and so I want to get to some of those.
I want to thank everybody for hitting the hotline, 985-664-9503.
People had recommendations for senior quotes.
All right, I want to say originally we got this call from a man right here.
And we're going to get this fellow named Zachary, and let's get this call so you can remember it.
He needed a little help.
Hey, Theo, what's up?
This is Zachary from Illinois.
I'm a senior in high school this year, and I'm in desperate need of a senior quote.
And I thought I'd do better to give me a senior quote than the Theo Vaughn.
So if you give me a funny one-liner.
There you go.
And there's Zachary right there who can't think of a sentence for himself.
And that's, you know, that's a male problem.
You got that sentence impotence, dog.
And look, I've been halfway through a sentence and I can't get it all the way up.
I'll be honest.
You know, some of you just like, hey, I love to, and you can't get it out.
Or why don't.
Or, oh, man, I want to.
And that happens, that's right.
But we got some great submissions.
People really wanted to offer some support for you, Zatch.
So let's get a few right here.
Here we go.
This is from your boy Pat right here.
Let's hear it.
From White Pat.
What's up, Theo and team?
It's Pat from Colorado.
I got a suggestion for our boy's senior quote issue.
Theo, I think you'll get behind this one a little bit.
Business in the front, party in the back, four years at this school, and I didn't learn Jack.
Gang, gang.
There you go, brother.
And I remember doing mushrooms one time at school, and I remember thinking my shirt was a snake because I'd worn a felt-made shirt made out of pool table felt.
They had a guy in our town for a while.
His wife had died, and so he was making shirts out of felt out of pool table.
You know, they had a bad batch of pool tables in this town next to us called Bogaloosa, Louisiana.
Someone had made pool tables, and the wood that they used had termites in it.
And beautiful tables, but they're disappearing.
You know, you could barely get halfway through a game of damn nine ball and one of the legs be missing off of the thing.
You know, and now one of the pockets is uphill suddenly.
So this fella in our town got the felt off of the tables that Green Felton made shirts out of them.
Beautiful shirts.
And he marketed it as Christmas apparel.
And so I got one, man.
You know, I was lucky enough to cop one of them.
There's only probably about 11 or 15 of them.
And I got one, and I remember eating mushrooms and wearing it at school when I thought my arm was a snake.
And that's one of the side effects of eating psilocybic mushrooms.
It'll snake your arm out.
You know what I'm saying?
You'll be sitting there in class, and next thing you know, your arm is eating a white mouse.
And you're like, damn, okay.
Okay, we getting vibey today.
Okay, today the science lesson is in my brain.
So I'm, you know, geeked up.
And so I excused myself from the classroom and I tried to excuse myself from my arms, but you can't do that.
So I went into the bathroom and I stayed in there for about four hours at school in the bathroom.
And because I could, if things were a little more manageable in there, you know, you could pee or you could do the sink or you could, you know, you got to meet everybody.
If there were kids you didn't know, everybody has the bathroom.
And so that was the beauty of being in there was you got to meet people you didn't know.
But the weird part was when you'd be in there and they'd come back to urinate for the second time.
Because on average, people would urinate probably two and a half times during the day, three times.
And so when you saw some guys for the second time, that was a little weird.
Because it's easy to kind of understand why somebody's in the bathroom one time.
It's harder to understand why they're still in the bathroom hours later when you go back in.
And they're still in there just doing toilet, sink, sink, sink, toilet sink.
So, but that was high school, man.
But that's a great senior quote right there.
Thank you very much, Lil Pat.
Colorado Pat, dog.
That mountain cat.
Pat.
Onward, let's hear another one that came in right here out of someone.
Hey, Theo, what up?
It's Steve out here in Black Mountain, North Carolina.
What's up, Steve, out of Black Mountain.
And I'll be honest, you don't see a lot of blacks in the mountains, dude.
That's really, you know, a lot of black people I feel like are more sea level.
You know, prefer sea level or just above sea level.
Sea level is also can be, I think, dangerous for more African Americans.
But anyway, brother, thank you very much for calling in, man.
Gang.
I have a senior quote submission for you.
Everybody wants to contribute.
However, nobody wants to be contributed to.
Therefore, the greatest gift you can give someone is to let them contribute to you.
Peace.
Yeah, that's a good one, man.
That's a real thinker right there, Stevie.
And I appreciate you.
Yeah, look, I can relate to that.
I want to be, I'm terminally unique.
I want to be anyway.
I want to be unique to a fault where it even at my own detriment.
Sometimes I want to be, it has to be my, it has to be unique to my own detriment.
Yeah, it's hard to want to be contributed to, to just accept people's contributions, especially if you're used to handling things yourself.
And that's a nice gift, is to let somebody do something for you.
You know, let somebody love you.
Let somebody hug you.
You know, let somebody have your last caramel, baby, your last butterscotch, daddy.
Thank you, Steve.
That's another great one you have right there, Zachary.
Onward.
Here we go.
What up, Theo?
This is Bunjo.
Maybe I'm coming from Croatia, too.
What's up, Bunjo, out of Croatia?
And that's Croatia for you, dog.
You can name somebody anything, baby.
I mean, it's the damn white Detroit, bro.
You could name somebody Tickle Meowmo, dog.
You know what I'm saying?
You could name somebody Sturgeon.
I mean, you could name somebody damn Motocross.
You'll meet a fella named Motocross over there by the ocean, by that Slovak area.
Onward.
This is the wrong approach, but I remember I always used to sign this on people's yearbook as a quote.
I just signed your crack.
Now let's smoke some.
I don't know.
There's my quote.
Thank you for letting me say that.
And I love your show, Steel.
You're the man.
Thank you, Bonjo.
And I'm glad you're letting you guys make videotape over there in Croatia, baby.
And you be good over there.
And you guys keep doing whatever you got to do, baby, to stay alive, baby.
All right.
And that is a good quote.
Yeah, if you got to smoke crack.
I never got to smoke crack.
You know, and a lot of people know that.
You know, I never got to smoke crack in my life.
And I've thought about, sometimes I think about, you know, not being sober just so I could go smoke it.
Isn't that crazy?
But, you know, we really should have somebody who is a crackhead or addicted to crack for a long time on here to talk about that.
And I would love to have Mike Lindell, the My Pillow Guy.
You know, people don't know that he was a crack addict.
And nothing will, nobody, nobody needs sleep more than someone who's been on crack for a few days.
And so I'm not shocked, really, that the man came out with that headrest, baby.
You know what I'm saying?
That fucking synthetic goose, baby.
That rest piece, that pillow, dog.
Praise God, baby.
Let's hear another one.
Here we go.
Onward.
Yo, what's up, Rat King?
It's Dylan from Mobile, Alabama.
What's up, Dylan?
From Mobile.
And Mobile's a good place to kind of drink coffee and kind of wish you were maybe somewhere else.
Let's hear more.
You know, that Port City hitter.
But I think a nice senior quote would be one of the teachers is having an affair with students or something like that.
You know, stir up some shit before you leave, dude.
You almost got one go at it.
Amen.
Making wild.
But shout out to you, bro.
Like the funniest dude in the game.
Hope you come back down here, man.
I know he's in Biloxi for the Dark Arts tour.
Hopefully you come back, bro.
Love you.
Gang, gang.
Gang, bro.
Thanks, Dylan, man.
And yeah, I love, I got a stepsister named Holly that lives over there in Spanish Fort, Alabama.
And I guess, I don't know what it is.
I think they had, I don't know why Spanish Fort is, what it is.
I don't know enough about it, but Mobile is getting better.
The beaches, they're really starting to, they're doing all they can to really beach it out.
You know, you'll see like a, it's a place you could kind of find a fuck, you could find barbecue near a palm tree.
Mobile's that weird, it's a weird little, it's kind of like a transgender type of like land.
Like, you know, it's beach, but it's country, but it's sandy, but it's tropical.
There's like cannonballs.
Like you could like, you know, there's a lot of like vague Civil War gift shops, but you're not really sure what it's for.
And they'll have like a seashell in there.
Just a lot of stuff that doesn't, you know, it's a hodgepodge, if you will.
But if you get lost downtown, it's nice.
And I got lost down there, and I was really surprised at how nice it was one time.
But thank you for calling in, Dylan.
And that's another great quote right there.
Leave by starting something.
You know?
Say, just be straight up, man.
Mr. Herbidash touched me once.
Say that.
You know?
Say Scotty used to bang Miss Randolph.
Say, you know what I'm saying?
Like, yeah, leave a little bit of, leave the light on for people.
Hit them with that fucking Motel 6 in their crotch, you know?
Say, hey.
Miss Jerifola was fine as hell, baby.
Okay, you know what I'm saying?
Do a little something.
I like your attitude.
Start a little something, you know?
Say, hey, I hid $200 in Mr. Vleet Honda Civic.
Gang, let's go.
We got one more that came in for you.
Let's hear it.
What up, Rat King?
This is Brian calling from California.
California, Brian.
In California, man, it's a good place for somebody to get angry at you about not having a mask on while a homeless fella gives birth to them freaking, you know, them rear body babies, dog.
Only six or seven feet away from you.
Praise God.
Let's hear more, Brian.
Francisco Bay Area.
I was calling because you were asking about a high school senior quote.
And a couple came to mind when I was listening.
The first one is from the Louisiana Bad Boy, the Rat King, Mr. Theo Vaughan.
I think it's words to live by.
Write in there.
Be good to yourself.
You probably deserve it.
Amen.
If I could go back, write those words, it's much better than whatever I wrote, something stupid that I thought was funny at the time.
But you live by those words, and I honestly think that that's going to make you happier.
Now, the other quote, probably not school.
And that's true, man.
You know, it's so funny how many guys I'll run into and women occasionally, but mostly men, and will just share that back to me.
Say, be good to yourself.
You know, be good to yourself.
It's hard, isn't it?
It's hard, Brian.
It's hard to be good to ourselves.
Um...
And I don't know if it's because we spend so much time around ourselves.
I don't know if it's that you got to be tougher on who you, you know.
But it's hard.
It's hard, man.
So thank you for that well wish, baby.
Now let's hear the other one.
I think that that's going to make you happier.
Now the other quote, probably not school appropriate, but it was the clip you played after the high school senior called in, and some elderly woman was screaming at somebody.
And she said, if I want to fuck, I can fuck.
It ain't nobody's business but mine.
If your school will let you print it, also.
Good words to live by.
But that's it, man.
I hope this senior can find something good.
I would go with the Rat King.
And I hope you be good to yourself, man.
You deserve it.
Gang, brother.
Thanks, Brian.
I like that second one, man.
I'm going to play yours again.
If I want to fuck, I can fuck.
That ain't nobody's business but mine.
There you go, baby.
There you go.
And we should start a senior yearbook for actual seniors.
That's what it should be.
Somebody should just make a yearbook of all the old people in their town and say, this is our senior yearbook.
And you go around and get them to sign it now.
You know what I'm saying?
People be writing real stuff.
You know?
That would be amazing.
Just to get, you know, to really get, to just really, just to capture that last hurrah.
And then you compare it.
Or maybe like our high school should come back years later and get a quote later on.
You know?
That's what they should do.
But those are great, man.
Those are really nice suggestions for Zatch.
And I think that the good thing also is that we have a montage of other ones that came in.
And we'll put that at the end of the episode.
So you guys can check that out.
And thank you for being a part of this past weekend and a part of our lives here i want to thank you for that i also want to tell you right now about the zebra and about insurance or insurance look i got it i got into a home recently and i was like damn i got a what if everything burns down you know if you're in an apartment or you're renting you don't care if something burns down like who gives a shit you probably started the fire hell
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a ford f-250 bruh and he got speakers in that bitch and you he can't even lift you he real small you know he played point guard bro but only in jv he real small he can't even lift your body and you got a bad leg your leg stuck in your neck you got a neck leg you got neck leg baby and so damn bro now you got to fucking jump up in the back of the truck on your one good leg and he rides you over there and
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on all orders over 49 dollars that's right go to fabletics f-abletic s dot com slash t-h-e-o for access to an insane deal um man i just can never decide if i should wear a hat or not ever get like that you leave you put the hat on you try it you're like oh i feel like i just i don't like having the hat on so
i'm gonna try the hat off i'm gonna try it backwards and then you're like oh am i too old to have a hat on backwards you know do i look like i'm you know trying to sell sports equipment or what's going on and then you so you go no hat all right how do i do no hat Do my hair look okay?
Do I seem decent?
Do I seem clean?
I always think that.
Come on, mom would say, You look dirty when I was young.
You look dirty.
All right, let's get into a couple of calls right here that came in.
And as always, the hotline 985-664-9503.
You can submit videos on theova.com.
Here we go.
Yo, Theo, it's Kylie Boger, Stocksdale, Kentucky.
Man, my little brother, he got me turned on this past weekend.
You ain't seen it and staying.
Just anything, Theo Vaughn.
You know what I'm saying?
Well, praise God, brother, and thank you for reaching out from Stockstill, Kentucky.
And I've never been over there.
But Kentucky, I used to do steroids.
And I know that sometimes people have done those also in Kentucky.
Let's hear more.
But he's got a little problem with smoking the devil's lettuce.
You know, I used to be pretty hardcore on all the dope.
And trying to get him to quit.
He's got a good head on his shoulders.
But he just can't put down the daddy green beans.
I mean, I don't know.
I've told him everything, touched him, been his buddy.
I don't really know what to do.
And I think if the Theo Vaughn calls this little son bitch and says, hey, man, put smoking the dope.
It's killing your brain cells.
He might actually quit.
Well, look, man, I'm going to tell you this.
I appreciate you.
I think it's nice that you care enough about your brother to care about what he's doing.
You know, and it's hard at some ages because some ages people are going to blow their lungs out or blow their liver out or blow their dick out even sometimes if they being nasty or whatever.
Or they got AIDS or anything like that or getting AIDS.
But, you know, I mean, weed is a tough one.
Weed is a tough one.
Because, you know, sometimes people just have to run their course with it.
And it's safer.
It's better than other drugs.
You know, it's better than somebody doing a bunch of heroin or a bunch of, you know, cocaine or crack.
It's better than that in the sense that it's, you know, they more calmer.
And that's nice.
But yeah, sometimes you want to get them off it.
Sometimes you can lose a sibling or a friend and they get real depth up into the weed.
And they like a damn swamp.
It's like talking to, they so plant it out.
You know, all they're doing is just kind of sitting there like a plant.
They kind of become what they smoke.
They sit in there and they kind of are unique, but they're really just a fucking plant.
And they want water and then they, you know, they, and that's it, man.
They just want some water because they're so high.
So I think here's one thing that I'd use to help quit.
I just quit, I quit smoking cigarettes, you know, about almost a year ago now.
Dude, actually, in April, it'll be a year.
Wow.
And the thing that helped me quit, I was in Kauai, man.
Kauai, Hawaii.
And a man, I met a man by a smoothie shop, and he was a shaman.
You know, he was an off-work smoothie guy, shaman guy.
And next thing you know, him and his old lady got me back at their joint.
They got a, you know, kind of a low-key child care kind of center also, but they smoke, they have DMT over there.
And they had that 5-MEO DMT, that smoky treat, baby, that brain smoothie.
You know what I'm talking about?
That fucking turned your whole life into a damn skill crane, baby, and the claw of the Lord comes out and just picks things out of you that he don't want to be there anymore.
And one of the things that the Lord's mighty arm picked right out of me was my desire to smoke cigarettes.
Because DMT, I find it'll put the wheels on your wants.
Sometimes your very core has wants inside of it.
It has things it wants to do.
And they just don't, it don't have the wheels.
It don't have the downhill.
They don't have the gradient.
But that DMT will get in there and do that dirty work.
You know?
It'll tickle your sister, but buy her a house.
You know what I'm saying?
It does the things that you can't really, you don't want to do.
And that's what it did for me, man.
It got inside of me.
And I went from literally each day I'd be in my head like, okay, am I going to, and I wasn't a heavy smoker, but I'd smoke a couple at night.
And I had a crutch.
I would smoke when I didn't want to.
That was it.
I would smoke when I didn't want to.
And anytime I had a problem or an uncertainty or a non-surety or anything, I would go smoke.
It became my God in a weird way.
When I had a question, a worry, a thought, a concern, or a positive feeling.
Let's smoke, let's smoke.
Oh, let's celebrate.
Let's smoke.
Oh, damn.
Bummer.
Let's smoke.
It became where I went when I had a feeling of any sort.
So it was so nice when it disappeared.
I mean, literally, it just, that five-course meal, baby, that five-MEO DMT just took it completely out of my history.
And so that's what I think that that kind of stuff can do.
It's that it's the librarian inside of you that we all need.
So I don't know if that helps to suggest your brother smoke DMT to quit smoking weed, but also I think you have to want it.
That's what I'm saying.
I think he puts the wheels on your wants.
So if he wants it, it can happen.
If he don't want it, then I think it won't happen.
It has to be a want that's been occurring in your background.
You know, it has to be a want that's just sitting on the stem of your spine waiting for a ride home.
But you don't have the power to make it happen.
And that DMT does that dirty work.
That's what it does.
So I think that that's a possibility.
But sometimes you got to let people run their course with drugs.
But I'm sorry.
I just think overall it's just nice that you care what's going on with your brother at all.
You know?
And I think things are okay in moderation if he can handle it.
But if he wants to quit and he can't, then that's when I think that DMT could be an answer and could possibly save y'all's brothership.
So.
All right.
We had this video come in right here.
Thank you guys for submitting this from TikTok.
Let's go.
My number one requested thing to cook, catfish coupon.
I'm hydrated.
I'm motivated.
Let's get it, dude.
Okay, and here you got a man.
This is like an indoor, outdoor man.
And this man is like a chef.
Let's hear more of this.
And this guy, see the Louisiana flag in the background.
He's a Louisiana guy.
Let's hear it again.
My number one requested thing to cook.
Catfish Coupillon.
I'm hydrated.
I'm motivated.
Let's get it, dude.
We got a half a cup of butter, half a cup of flour.
We're making a blind colored roof.
Let's get it, dude.
Holy Trinity and some garlic.
You got your onion sweat down.
You hit it with your vegetable juice and your homemade teafood stop.
You got into a rolling ball.
Add your stewed tomatoes and your tomato pigs.
Bay leaves, green olives, fresh limons.
Add the Creole seasoning you like a little two-step.
We let it simmer for 25 minutes and while we wait, we hide three.
That's alcoholic.
Parsley, green onions.
Pull out your limons, your bay leaves, and lay down your beautiful Louisiana blue cat.
At this point, don't stir.
Just sink them down.
Yeah, you can't see the video, but he's literally pushing pieces of blue cat down into the sauce with a boat oar.
Amen.
Catfish put me on a cracker.
That's money, dude.
There you go.
And so this is a man.
This is a Louisiana type man.
You see somebody.
This dude got an eight ball of Laurie seasoning in his pocket, bro.
You know what I'm saying?
This dude will boil your sister's tits right here.
This dude will straight up boil your sister's tits, man.
He's about that life, bruh.
He's about that fire, that fucking tit right off the bone life, dog.
That's who he is, bruh.
This is the kind of dude he'll invite you over for a hot tub.
You realize you in the hot tub.
Next thing you know, an onion goes by, a lemon, an artichoke goes by, and you realize you're about to be lunch, boy.
You know what I'm saying?
This dude has alternate plans.
What I love about this guy, he's one of those type of guys you see in Louisiana.
Every neighborhood has this guy.
And you need this guy.
This dude is the chef.
By the week, he works at the Chase Bank or he works over there at Whitney Bank or Region's Bank or whatever.
But suddenly the weekend hits and he's dude.
You know what I'm saying?
He's fucking, he got to Bunsen burner and he's grilling, you know, he'll have a damn cigarette lighter and be cooking up a piece of damn crab meat with it.
You know, they get wild like that, guys, like this.
And if you notice, he uses all the vowels.
In Louisiana, they got a lot of extra vowels.
You know, you got A, E, I, O, U, Yeah, RI, R, Yeah, o, ye, er, oh, yeah, I. Yeah, this is the kind of dude asked for a spice rack and a divorce settlement kind of guy.
You know, this guy, this is the kind of guy, he only have one hand because he probably was doing a boil one time and he dropped one of his, he dropped his car keys into a boil and he reached in for him on accident reflexing.
He did a, you know, he just had a reflection and now he only gots one hand, but it still works.
So he's, you know, he's thankful to God, bro, and all the swamp gods.
So, yeah, man, this is a good talk.
Thanks for sending this in.
And I will say this, the food looks absolutely amazing.
And I would try, I might have to try this.
Dustin Poirier.
This looked like somebody.
This guy looked like he's probably in Dustin Poirier's family or from his neighborhood.
And I would guarantee that.
So that's a little bit of Louisiana fire right there.
All right, let's take another call that came in right here, man.
As always, 985-664-9503.
Hey, Theo, this is Chad from Chicago.
Hey, man, listen.
I'm sitting here driving home from work, and I'm trying to figure out the answer to this question somebody asked me.
And they asked me, do you think you own the clothes that you're going to die in?
Not the clothes that you're going to be buried in.
The ones where when the grizzly bear eats you, what clothes are you wearing?
And I don't know.
I don't know if I do, or I don't know if I want to know if I do.
But I'd love to hear your thoughts.
I mean, I don't wear a lot of clothes anyway.
Okay.
Well, the end part, that's really getting personal, I think, brother.
But, well, let me think.
That's a good question.
What clothes you want to, you know, head on out in?
What's that last hero For you.
For your body.
You know, when do you get, you know, because you got to give up the cage sometimes.
I realized more and more recently that I'm a bird in a cage, man.
Despite all my rage, bro.
I am still just a rat in a cage, actually.
That's what the man said.
But I realize that my body is just a thing that I'm in.
I'm in my head.
I'm looking out of my eyes.
That's where my spirit is.
You know, my body is just this kind of like, it has this color and texture and vibe to it.
And, you know, I got the rib cage of a damn large cat, really.
But, you know, this is who I am.
But will I have the clothes that I'm going to dye in?
You know, it's...
It's tough.
Yeah.
Because who, you know, they show up, they see, oh, he died in that.
Yeah, I guess I would, you know, I have green eyes.
I guess I would like to have like a green shirt on maybe or something that's blue or gray.
But I don't want to have like somebody, like a, you know, like a Darren Sharper jersey or a Marshawn Lattimore jersey on.
I guess in Chicago, maybe it's probably kind of cool if you die in like an Erlacher jersey.
That might be kind of cool.
So, yeah, I don't know.
It's tough.
It's tough to know what's the best thing to die in.
And if I own those clothes already, I guess you have to think of when you're going to die.
When is your year?
You know, I go through phases.
I go through phases where I feel like I'm going to be really old.
And then I go through phases where I'm like, oh, man.
You know, I hope there's, you know, is this thing ever going to show up?
You know what I'm saying?
Like, when I hear the doorbell, I'm like, oh, maybe it's the Grim Reaper.
So, yeah, that's a good question, man.
Do I have those clothes?
You know what?
I think I do because I don't wear a lot of different stuff.
I'm pretty minimal when it comes to that.
You know, I'm not like Brennan Schaub.
He has to get like a new, you know, a fucking new bat skin hat every time he goes to Toledo or something.
So I don't need all of that.
I'm a little bit more simplistic.
So I bet I probably do have it, man.
But thank you for asking and making sure I'm okay and if I have enough stuff to die in.
Let's take another call that came in, man.
You know what, actually?
All right, we got a single mom submission right here that came in.
Somebody came and somebody recommended this beautiful lady.
And let's see this video, gang.
Hey, this is Travis from the Bay Area.
I just want to nominate my friend Krista and her three little Hellion kids for the single moms.
She's a badass.
Sorry, Floud.
Out here building a bridge.
Oh, damn, and it's a bridge worker.
If you can't see the video, this man working bridge right here.
And a bridge is just a road that's fucking brave as fuck, dog.
If I'm honest with you.
Other roads look at a bridge and be like, damn.
I bet he gets all the britches.
You get it?
Bridge, bitches.
But yeah, man, a bridge is just really, it's a fucking road with some bald, baby.
Gang, let's go.
But yeah, Krista, her three kids, she's put herself through school.
She's put them through hella sports, and she does it all on her own.
So if you can at least give her a shout out or anything, that'd be awesome.
Gang, gang, Theo Von, you're the man, dude.
Watch your show every week.
Thank you.
Oh, thanks.
And later.
Thanks, bro.
Well, it's nice of you to be thinking about somebody else today, man.
I appreciate that out of you.
And thanks.
Yeah, let's see if we can't call Chris up and see what's going on.
Okay, yeah, let's do it.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, what's up, Krista?
Can you hear me?
Yeah.
Okay, hold on one second.
I can't hear you.
I'm not like a pervert or anything.
I just, this isn't like chat roulette or anything.
I'm just trying to say hey to you.
Now I can hear you.
Can you hear me?
Yes.
Okay, how are you today?
I am doing well.
How are you?
Good.
I don't want to let you know I'm not like a weirdo.
I'm not with the government or anything, but I was just calling you because they had a fellow, this guy.
Hey, this is Travis.
A guy named Travis.
Do you know him?
Yeah, I do know him.
He's a white guy.
He works on a bridge.
Yeah.
Well, he, I work on a podcast.
My name's Theo, and I work on a podcast.
And he said we do a thing sometimes where we reach out and do something nice for single moms.
And he said, oh, well, I know this lady.
She's a single mom, and she works really hard, and she has, you know, three great kids.
And I was raised by a single mom.
So, yeah, every now and then we just try and like just give back to the community.
So we just wanted to give you a thousand bucks to go do something fun with your kiddos.
Are you serious?
Yeah, I'm totally serious.
So we just thought it would be, it's just nice that he thought of you, actually.
You could tell he must think pretty highly of you.
So.
My God, thank you so much.
Oh, you're really welcome.
What are your kiddos like to do?
What kind of kids you got anyway, men or women?
I got two boys and a little girl.
Okay, you got two boys and a girl?
Yeah.
Oh, that's nice.
What ages are they?
Nine, seven, and five.
Oh, dang.
Yes.
Oh, my God.
I can't believe you're even alive then.
Yeah.
That's a lot of pressure.
Yeah, my siblings, we were all two years apart.
It sounds like fight clubs someday.
Yeah, I bet it is like fight club.
We just start recording it.
Oh, especially at bedtime.
That's funny.
Where do you work at?
Are you working today?
Are you off today?
I am working today.
I work at GI Consultants in Reno.
Oh, y'all live in Reno?
Yes.
Oh, yeah, boy.
I've been over to Reno.
Reno has a lot of AA meetings, a lot of people donating blood, baby.
Let's go.
Yeah, dude.
I've been to some meetings over in Reno, boy.
That's a wild place.
So, have y'all lived there y'all's whole life?
No, we just moved here.
I moved here with the kids about a year and a half ago.
So, I just totally relocated us because it was getting way too expensive where we were in Santa Cruz.
Oh, yeah, it gets kind of pricey out there, huh?
Yeah, so I just relocated us on a hope that everything was going to work out.
Dang.
And how do you know Travis?
How do you know him?
Travis and I have known each other for, let's see, maybe like eight years.
Yeah, we used to get in trouble together and now we don't.
Yeah, I feel like.
But he's always been one of my best friends.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Oh, that's cool.
Yeah, you can tell he thinks he must think pretty highly of you.
It was just sweet of him.
He's sending a nice little video, so you'll be able to see it if he shares this with you one day.
But yeah, we don't want to take up a bunch of your time.
We just thought that it was just really nice of him.
And yeah, I just remember when I was young, if somebody would have reached out to my mom and just done something just a little extra sometime, just maybe take the edge off for a week, you know?
Yeah, yeah.
Cool.
It's so amazing.
Well, look, give Travis a hug for us when you see him.
And yeah, what you going to go do something fun with the kiddos?
What do they like to do?
So my little girl likes to do a little or really anything and everything, but the boys are getting real into baseball.
So I'm going to see maybe I can find them something baseball-y to do or outdoors.
We're starting to get some nice weather.
Yeah, that's fun.
Do they play in any of those little leagues yet or no?
No, well, my son does junior.
My older one's done junior giants because it's the free one.
Oh, yeah.
So I've had him doing that because I'm like, well, I'm not going to pay a bunch of money if you're not into it.
I'd rather you not be into it if it's free.
Yeah.
Check it out.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, nice.
Yeah, those organized sports I think is fun.
I think kids really dig that, you know?
Yeah.
They're doing really good.
They are?
Yeah.
Yeah.
My middle one just decided to take a break from gymnastics, which thank God it's expensive.
So he's thinking about his life, he said, to decide what he wants to do.
Oh, dang, that must be nice.
I was like, damn, you're seven.
What do you have going on?
Well, I don't know, but I'm 41, and he and I apparently have the same thing going on.
So I can totally relate to that young fella.
I'm like, you're going to be doing that for a long time, buddy.
Just curricular activity.
That's all I need you to do.
What do you feel like doing?
You want to kick a ball?
Do you want to hit a ball?
What do you want to do?
Yeah, I think the less thinking about it he can do, and it's the more doing it, the better off he'll be, probably.
Right.
Well, thanks so much for answering our call today.
And my producer Nick will follow up with you, and you look lovely, and it's nice to see you today.
Oh, thank you.
And yeah, tell Travis we said hey when you see him.
I will.
I will.
Okay, Risa.
Take care.
Have a good day.
You too.
Thank you so much.
Oh, yeah.
You're so welcome.
Y'all have fun.
Hey, send us a picture.
If you do something fun with the kiddos, send us a picture.
We ain't pedophiles or nothing.
We're just regular people.
I totally will.
Okay, cool.
Totally will.
Okay, thank you.
Have a good day.
Thank you.
Have a good day.
Okay, bye-bye.
Bye.
Yeah, she seemed like a sweet lady, man.
Yeah, I think just a little moment of reprieve for somebody.
You know, a moment of reprieve for her to just be able to think.
You know, just to be able to love your kids without that extra stress of.
And I'm not saying we're doing a ton.
We're not changing anybody's life.
But just have a moment, man.
I just think when I was a kid, if some man would have come by or a woman, anybody, and I'm sure people do.
Look, the government does it.
You know, you can get help and get assistance.
And we got all of that growing up.
And, man, it just makes me feel, you know, it makes me feel grateful for time, really.
That time gives you the opportunity to go back and kind of see what's going on.
So, um, okay.
Yeah.
Time gives you the opportunity to kind of go back and, you know, just sew up little tears in your own story by using the thread of each other.
You know, in a weird way.
And maybe that's selfish to think of it that way.
It's not selfish, but maybe, you know, everything's selfish in a way, but it's just, you know, I don't know.
It just makes me feel nice that there'll be a little extra opportunity for them to do something fun together as a family.
And thank you guys for supporting this past weekend.
Let's get another call that came in right here, man.
And what do we got here?
Hey, Theo, it's Mike Ambrose calling from London, Ontario.
Big Mike out of Canada, dog.
And I don't know what y'all are doing up there, but shit, if it gets weirder down here, bro, I might come up there and join you, fam.
Let's go, pop, pop, gang.
Up here in Canada, I just love listening to your podcast, man.
You do a great job.
I mean, a lot of emotions every single episode.
And, you know, who doesn't love that?
Just, you know, kind of, you know, maybe some tip you could help me out with.
Been a semi professional baseball player for about, you know, four or five years now.
Oh, yeah.
And I know what you're saying.
You mean doing drugs baby I feel you baby I used to say stuff like that oh I'm a semi-pro ball player people are like oh you're doing drugs so but go on brother I feel you before that you know went to college did the whole thing especially being from Canada it was tough you know going over the states to play ball I lived in Australia for two years time of my life but now you know oh yeah and
lived in Australia is obviously another term for doing drugs so I feel you baby the code language daddy you know what I'm saying spending time at grandma's house I know what you're saying baby let's hear it you know I just this past December on the 12th had a beautiful baby girl okay and you got that offspring now baby you got that offspring now you got something to worry about now you got a real rock
to smoke daddy let's hear it and uh she's been you know absolutely amazing but i think it's time to you know now you know turn the page and start that family life i just wanted to know uh your thoughts you think i should just keep it keep it buzzing or should i uh you know sting it and hang out with the two ladies of my life uh keep it buzzing what are you talking about son okay you live in canada brother it ain't it ain't you know what i'm saying the buzzing it
ain't that insane you know what i'm saying what i mean you know as crazy as it gets it's kind of ice cream you know what i'm saying like let's don't be uh you can't keep it what are you gonna you have a child now what do you mean you're gonna keep it buzzing what are you gonna do you're gonna keep playing pro ball daddy you're gonna keep smoking rock huh you're gonna keep using you're gonna take care of your wife and kid man if it's your wife i
don't know you didn't say you was married up or you guys was nuptialed up you know and maybe the dope haze has been too heavy in you daddy but i believe that it's time yeah if you got something living that came out of your wiener you got to take you got to take care of it baby you know and i love you mike and i feel like you know i don't want to be the one to you know serve you the cold cock baby you
know but consider me that freaking um that matri dick you know what i'm saying i'm that head waiter baby and i'm serving you that cold cock of truth dog and the truth is yeah there's no you know you got it you got to settle you got to tighten it up you can't be sleeping in your car doing canadian drugs even though they're cheaper um you know when you get them direct you know we don't have to go through big pharma
but anyway man um yeah i wish you the best of luck brother i really do and i hope you definitely you know you get it figured out up there praise god baby okay let's take another call here here we go hey theo this is scott again from tennessee what's up scott and um thank you for calling brother from tennessee man and that is a unique state it's a very long state it's basically that sideways florida
baby let's hear it and i'm out here in virginia okay so now you moved to somewhere okay all right scott working on storm crew you know taking care of all these hangers and all these dangerous limbs after storms okay so you out there on that limb trek and you out there checking lean wood baby i feel you and reaching for lean wood baby gang and i just wanted to call and
ask about how i could help my girlfriend trust me more while i'm out here we have a lot of issues with that she always thinks i'm out drinking with the guys when i'm really just at the hotel and i just wanted to ask what you thought i could do to make her build that air about office thank you very much gang gang gang baby and thank you for reaching out man and look we all know you're out drinking with the guys gotta and
that's fine nobody's you know nobody's mad at you or anything like that but yeah you gotta make sure that your wife is content because they will steal stuff while you're gone and they will a lot of them will even do arson now there's a lot of mexican women and a lot of women in um um new mexico doing arson and anyway the bottom line here i'm seeing is um
i mean first of all if you're in a tree every day and you out there hunting uh limbs and stuff chisel a little note to the you know scotty loves you know Teresa or whatever.
Scotty loves Diane.
Put it in the wood, man.
Chisel it in there.
Believe that advertisement out there.
Snapper a photo.
Center that.
Say here, I just chiseled this into the side of a, you know, a birch out here outside of Roanoke or whatever.
Or Virginia Beach, baby.
You know, I'm saying you can do stuff like that.
When you get back to the hotel, center that picture.
Here I am right here by the Ice Maker, by the Hampton Inn, baby.
I'm chill.
And so is this machine, you know?
Cute little things like that.
But yeah, some of it's interesting.
Sometimes we'll use jealousy also to express that we care.
It could just be her saying, look, I care.
But I'm afraid to just say it like that.
Instead, I do jealousy.
Or I do, you know, trust.
You know, they don't trust you.
But it's hard, man.
Getting somebody's trust.
You know, I've never been real good at it, man.
You know, sometimes I think, I don't know if I want people to trust me in a weird way.
Because trust, you have to have a trust means there's a connection.
Trust means there's responsibility.
You know, trust is just that damn condiment, you know, on that responsibility bun, baby.
And so, yeah, if you got trust with somebody, you're going to be, that's a lifetime, you know, it's a, that's an ongoing commitment that we're going to behave a certain way and we're going to communicate a certain way and honor each other's time.
And damn, it sounds like a lot.
But I think an easy way to see if you could start, man, if you're real serious about it.
I've had times in my life I wasn't even real, I would get a girl to trust me, but at the same time, be doing untrustful stuff.
Being trustful, untrustful.
So it's tough, man, but I think, yeah, chisel her some shit into the tree.
You know, Tommy loves Robin or whatever.
You know, Scotty loves Vivian.
You know, do something nice.
Do some cute little things like that.
I think that could definitely help.
Or get her one of those Big Johnson t-shirts.
Remember them?
Go look at them on eBays.
Big Johnson.
They got some cute stuff they make.
Let's take one more call that came in, man.
Here we go, 985-664-9503.
And I'm going to let you know also that the last website I've ever needed is now TheoVon.com, and that was made by a company called Modify.
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Let's hit this hot line right here.
Here we go.
What's up, Theo?
I'm from North Carolina.
I'm 16 years old.
And this morning, I just got the news that my grandpa passed away.
Oh, man.
I'm sorry, bro.
I'm sorry about that.
Yeah, 16, a lot of people, you know, grandparents are really, I mean, they're the damn hamsters of the, you know, of the family in a lot of ways.
They'll kind of go out on you.
Let's hear it.
And it was really, really strange because, I mean, just a week ago, you know, I was sitting on his couch, you know, talking to him.
But, I mean, it's just so sudden that, I mean, I really don't even believe it.
I mean, I haven't even cried or, you know, been angry or anything.
I just, like, I can't believe it.
But, yeah, I just want to know how you deal with, you know, deaths that are just kind of unexpected and, you know, come out of nowhere.
Well, you know, thanks for the call, man.
And death.
Death is.
It's like there's this force playing hide and go seek or playing freeze tag, and you didn't even know you were in it.
forget you're playing this game of freeze tag with time.
And man, when it touches you, that's...
You know, it's like, oh, okay, it's my turn.
All right.
Wow.
Okay, I got it.
There's no more.
I got to.
And you don't get to pack your things.
That's got to be a wild part.
I bet when people first say, hey, you know, if doctor tells you, you know, it's your time, it's your turn.
I bet I go home and start to pack just out of habit.
You know, I'm used to going somewhere or being somewhere.
But, but, yeah, now it's like you get, you get that call and there's nothing to pack.
All you can do is kind of pack.
I almost say it's unpacking.
You know, hopefully you have enough time to unpack your bullshit to unpack a couple bags of forgiveness.
Unpack a few apologies.
Unpack all the fire you've been holding.
You got to unpack it some.
You know, I don't, I was at a, my grandparents didn't really, I don't know.
My grandmother wasn't super keen on me, and so I didn't have much of a relationship with her as I got into my teens and stuff.
But I've always had a strong affinity for seniors.
You know, my father was a senior.
And so I've always had a warm place in my heart for him.
And it's interesting that a lot of older people, they kind of, I feel like a little bit they're ready to go because after you've done it all, after you've had all the tiramisu you've wanted and you've traveled to the places you wanted to go or were brave enough to take on the adventures you could take on,
your shell, your body starts to die.
So really, you're just this, you're almost like whenever you see a firefly inside of a little lantern or something, or like Tinkerbell on Peter Pans, when you see it, the cage, the cage dies, man.
But that hitter, baby, is that that tinker, dog?
That's the part that zips off to somewhere else.
So your grandpa's probably happy to get out of that old ass cage, I bet.
I bet that has to feel pretty freeing, you know, almost like the first time you get to drive a car when you're, you know, in Louisiana, you could drive when you're 15 when I was a child.
You could drive 15 years old.
Some people hadn't even jerked off their own body and they were driving.
Which was crazy.
You'd ask somebody if they could bust out and they couldn't, but they could, you know, do reverse.
You know, there's different times.
But anyway, man, I don't know exactly what I'm telling you, but yeah, you got that tinker's left in the tank, man.
When the tank rusts, so really, I bet for your grandfather, it's like him.
It's like the first time you got to go down the road and drive yourself.
God, there's nothing like that.
Just the freedom you feel like.
I'm free.
I'm free.
I'm away from for that.
You're away from your parents.
The first time you venture down the street, before you get to the stop sign and you got to turn and make a decision and shit, it gets scary then.
But before that, there's a little bit of space where you're like, oh my God.
Folks are standing back in the driveway and they don't know, you know, and you're going.
It's like, wow.
I bet that's what it's like, man.
It's just, you know, at that point, when you're young, you're shedding that skin of your parents' constant, you know, nesting over you and you having to ask them for a ride or having to walk to work or do the bus.
And now suddenly you live in freelance.
So I bet that's what it's like, your grandpa.
He's probably in that, you know, he's in that 1984 Ford escort in the sky.
And he's listening to some Abbey Road by the Beatles or some damn Nellie.
And he's just feeling good, bro.
He's living.
He's living again.
So I bet there's some real...
So.
You know, maybe do some shit to honor him.
Wish him well, maybe.
Yeah.
And make the most out of your cage while you got it.
Make the most out of your cage while you got it, man.
I think we did pretty good, man.
I think we did pretty good.
You know, that's all I got.
That's all I got.
What a great song that we came in on.
We got Heather McMahon is going to be in this week, beautiful comedian out of New York and Atlanta.
We're trying to think of unique guests.
If you think of somebody unique, let us know.
Thank you so much for supporting this podcast.
You know, I'm grateful to have the opportunity to be here with you every week and have continued to do this now for a couple years now.
And, man, the last year has been really hard, but you guys have really been there for me and we've been there for each other, bro.
And that's how we do it here.
We do our best, I feel like, to just kind of keep it going.
So I don't think we should stop that, you know.
I want to wish everyone a happy early Easter.
You know, it's a nice time.
It's really usually a beautiful time of year.
I hope that springtime is starting to hit everyone.
I remember going into an Easter party one time.
They had this lady that lived by us, and she was doing, she was female pedophile, actually, but the guys she was seeing were 16 years old, and they were big men.
They were really, I mean, just bigger than regular men I'd seen.
These men were, these boys were big.
And she would invite them over to do learning and stuff or spelling, and they would just do sex or really drink.
Or they would spell words like fucking.
And they had an Easter party one time, and I wandered in there.
I was a kid, and I'd sneak over there sometimes and get that.
While they're all smoking cigarettes, I'd get as much cigarette smoke as I could into my mouth and shit.
And just fucking feel alive, bruh.
God, it made me feel alive.
And one time I sprayed mace in there.
I didn't know what was going on exactly, but I sprayed a little bit of mace in the air at the dance party when they were dancing.
And then...
You know, maybe 50 seconds later, a minute and 10 seconds later, people crying and pouring milk in their eyes.
One guy kept pouring milk in his eyes, I remember.
And you know, it's just, I don't know, it's a holiday time, man.
I'm excited.
I'm hoping to go to Baton Rouge, Louisiana, and see my family.
And I hope some of you guys get to spend time with your loved ones.
I'm off jiu-jitsu right now for another week.
My ribs heal up.
I think I have a fractured rib.
So I'm just trying to make the most of the time, the downtime that I have.
And that's all that's going on with me.
Thank you guys for the calls.
Let me know what's going on with you.
Thank you for the suggestions for the quote for the man.
And thank you guys for Patreon for supporting this past weekend.
And you guys be good to yourself, man.
You guys deserve it.
This is the come up with Eddie 9V.
And we'll put that video montage at the very end, guys.
again.
Bye.
I'm on a come up.
Yeah.
Feels real good after I've been so blue.
Mm-hmm.
I'm just a camera.
I'm on a coma It feels so good to have a brand new view Come on now.
Let's go.
Come on.
Nothing really more to say.
Come on.
Well, if you're asking me what I really want to do is just come right back, make love to you.
I'm going to come up.
I'm going to come up.
Come on, Eddie.
I'm going to come up.
Hey, I'm going to come up.
Come up.
I'm going to come up.
Come up.
And right there, that's the come up with Eddie 9v.
You guys be good to yourselves, man.
Y'all deserve it.
Thank you.
What's up, Theo?
It's Jack in Indiana.
Here we got a young man who needs a little help on a senior quote for his yearbook.
I'm going to let him plagiarize mine real quick.
So my little advice to you, if you're going to do a senior quote, is just keep it short and simple, but keep it slick.
You know, you want something to make the girls in 10 years be like, damn, I wonder what he's up to nowadays, man.
He's kind of slick, you know?
So just keep it short and simple.
Give a little something like, I'm the man of the hour.
Too sweet to be sour.
Gang.
Hi, my name is Kevin.
I'm from Toronto, Ontario.
I have two suggestions.
My first is from You Theo, which is an event is like regular time, only more special, which I think is fairly profound.
And then my second is one that I used when I was in my senior year, and that's Andrew Santino is a stupid, ugly ginger.
Gang, gang.
What's going on, Theo?
My name's Alex.
I'm from St. Louis, Missouri.
I got a suggestion for Zachary's yearbook quote.
I think it should be the classic goodfellas.
All my life, growing up, I always wanted to be a gangster.
I think that would be pretty cool to put in the yearbook.
Hope this makes it on the show.
Thanks, man.
What up, CO?
This is Ryan.
Minneapolis, Mantis, Baby.
Listen to your episode today.
About the guy called up about the yearbook quote.
My yearbook quote was, of all my friends, I am the leader.
And a lot of my friends didn't appreciate that shit.
And it didn't go well.
But I still think it's funny.
I still get a kick out of that.
I'm still glad I did it.
So, to that young buck out there looking for a quote, do something that you're gonna find entertaining or funny or whatever in the future.
Don't worry about your friends, because chances are you're gonna get those friends, you know, 20 years from now, whatever.
