Theo sits down with podcast prodigy, Andrew Schulz, to discuss Theo's theory on the US Postal Service, the UFC matchups they want to see, Schulz getting called out for leaving New York and the podcast wars continue with Bad Friends.
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Today's guest is a really is a unique man, they would say if you saw something and it is he was from the north and now he's a southern man.
He's a dur he's dual hemisphere man now You may know him from his flagrant two podcast with Akash Singh or his brilliant idiots podcast with Charlemagne the God or Schultz his American Netflix.
It is my friend comedian Andrew Schultz Dude,
you look watermelon bro you coming in how dark you going to get diversity on lock bro I start filing firing all my minorities yeah dude I got this covered boys yeah you start wearing one of the coming to America hats I saw some guy one of those today dude yo I got some of my teeth bro do you I think I'm gonna I'm gonna get it out with this
but whatever we're going yo shout out to Nate Bargazzi man yeah shout out to Nate Bargazzi man he got that new special that's out um I don't even know the name it's uh most American man or something yeah the best average American something like that yeah which is good I like it yeah it's good stuff man um I just love Nate yeah dude he described him in the funniest way I don't know if we were recording for it yeah he's smile he yeah you said that you
and I are neat we need something from the audience I need to see the audience doing something yeah and Nate could probably perform we were saying he did the show the special with the masks yeah and I'm like yeah he could do that he could do his jokes if people were laughing or not and he could perform them in the same way yes and he'll be fine yeah you and I would have a meltdown yeah if they were wearing masks just in our own heads like are they laughing what the fuck are they squinting for what's wrong with these people yeah what's that guy thinking about yeah Nate could perform for
reforestation like he could perform for like you know like a like a fall you know he just yeah he doesn't need that right he doesn't need that heavy feedback man um god bless him yeah dude i want to come down there i just love y'all's new set man even though it's on ig yeah it just looks like we need you down there it makes me want to do some uh capuara dog and order a um you know a um caperinha yeah some capuara caperinha yeah dude it makes me want to do that yeah uh and
i see you guys are renting what are y'all renting a palace or something out there you just get a little palace bro we're in the hood though to be honest are you yeah oh yeah but it looks like it's not oh yeah dude yeah it looks nice man yeah i like going down there man um yeah what's going on bro i mean just chilling dude living life getting some sun out here doing shows have you thought differently since being in miami like has it started to adjust your view of like do i need to be in new york
bro i was thinking this on the way here like if there's one positive to corona um it's i made a lot of money no if there's uh if there's one positive to corona i think it's people from new york and in la realize that oh there's other places in america that are really nice to live yeah and i didn't have i had that attitude when i was growing up and then i kind of like got out of new york and i have family that's not from new york so i like saw their other like really cool places in america but like i know that attitude
because i grew up with that attitude right and um yeah just going down to miami and like just really enjoying living in a fucking house yeah and like having a drive to work and then going it's nice taking half an hour just collect my thoughts you know dude it's dope well especially for somebody coming out of the city i mean that's got to be a really different energy the city's great but it sucks yeah like it's the worst place to live it's not how human beings should live yeah you've been in new york yeah i've been in new york man oh i remember i was doing drugs
i was staying at ari shafir's old place dude before he freaking uh did that uh epithet for kobe or whatever he did whatever it's called before he spoke at his funeral yeah yeah and uh uh i got locked out of there dude i had to climb they have like these communal gardens or something yeah it's like you know sometimes no they don't they do though they have like telling me there's a rocking communal garden i had to sneak
through i had to sneak through somebody's koi fish pond i'm swimming through the koi fish pond there's some rabbit patch in the backyard to get into his place like bro it was insane it was just crazy yeah it's a lot bro you're sweating this is a lot going on for even somebody that's not i feel like i almost got wrapped up in one of your stories it almost happened just right there bro it almost happened right there it sounded so romantic and fantastical that i was like oh tell me about new york communal garden at 12th and
see there's a fucking communal garden or somebody burned a building down in his throat starting to grow yeah dude anyway i had to jump a fence i had to sneak around the back of his building to get in yeah um yeah but i i thought new york city's hard bro i think as you get older it's got to be tougher okay what what if it's not older what if it's like um you start achieving some of your dreams and then you're like how much do i want to live in the
grind to get to the place where i want to be because it is the place for the grind oh the grind yeah you know what i mean you're yeah you're a coffee bean dog you're fucking getting in there you're in there just getting rinsed yeah you get non-stop dude yeah and it's worth it because you get to put you know do all those sets and like i remember seeing you run around the city you know what i mean dude i used to go over out there to lie to that other place out there they had it dude that's the crazy one you were the the the the the room will be 30 feet by two and
a half feet corridor on a yacht ship yeah it's like the norwegian what is it called the norwegian cruise line yeah they made a comedy club just the corridor remember how crazy that shit is ridiculous waitress couldn't even carry a tray uh individual tray.
Yeah, she had a 2D.
It was 2D comedy.
It wasn't even three-dimensional.
She had to set the drinks on her shoulders and then walk sideways.
Egyptian.
Yeah, yeah.
Dude, Nate Barghatzi murdered in that room, bro.
Oh, I can see that.
I can see that.
Yeah, he's so calm.
Yeah.
Nate is that calm, man.
I bet him donating blood, it could be an afternoon.
Yeah, but it could be.
He donates double.
It's a while, though.
His blood don't even care to go.
It's like, what are we doing here, Nate?
You know?
Yeah, he's a calm man.
He's the middle of a storm, that guy.
He's good at just staying calm, man.
We had a question that came up.
Riley Mao's here with us today.
And why don't you bring something up, Riley?
We got a fellow from the MTA, I know, that brought in a question here.
He's an urban gentleman, kind of.
Suburban gentleman.
No, urban.
This guy's urban.
Oh, urban gentleman.
There we go, Riley.
Get it out, Cali.
That's it, huh?
Can you get removed back to Cali?
Well, let's see what this guy has to say.
Sorry, Brandon.
The podcast is over.
It's just going to be some sting, Brendan.
Oh, it's been sting for a couple weeks over there.
You and Chris even better eat some weird shit.
Hey, what's on the menu?
What's on the menu next week?
Oh, they're always getting freaking ridiculous over there.
Dude, I'm not flying.
I'm flying in through a delicacy.
Get out of here.
Get the volume on, Riley.
No, hold on.
So you're not going back, bro?
You're not going.
I'm going back, dude.
Fuck you, bro.
This is a question.
Turn the question on, Riley.
I can't even throw my mic away.
There's no sound coming out of it.
Fix the damn thing.
Deal, I couldn't even throw my mic away because y'all made fun of me for the way I laugh on the podcast.
Who did?
Shut the fuck up.
Oh, that's you, dude.
Yeah.
That is you.
Bro, yeah, that's you.
Who said that?
Who did that one?
I did.
That's awesome, bro.
Find a better way to fix it, Riley.
Yeah, I know.
That's what I'm trying to do.
Okay.
I was crying.
Sorry, man.
This question was for you.
How old are these kids you got working here, bro?
Like 12 years old, both these kids.
I don't know.
It's getting bad.
You got a little Peter Pan factory going on here.
It's getting bad.
Dude.
What's going on?
Bro, that's the one thing you find out outside of LA and New York, dude.
It's young boys.
We got a question that came in right here for you, soul.
Okay, okay.
What's up, Theo?
What's up, Hezzy?
It's your boy Morphe from New York City Harlem.
I'm ripping that MTA hitter as you can.
Gang, baby, let's go.
Actually, fuck him.
This is a shitty organization to work for anyway.
Anyways, my question, Hezzy, man, I've been watching you ever since, like, fucking Geicode, man.
Respect.
You've come a long way, brother.
Anyways, my question for you is, who do you think you are, bro?
You've been shitting on New York ever since you left, man.
What the fuck is going on?
I'm fresh, bro.
We love to see you around.
We got cocaine.
We got hookups, taxis, everything you into, man.
Yeah, I'll be up there, man.
I'll come through.
I'll be the white Hesse, bro.
I'm going to come through and take that land.
I'm going to come through and take that land, baby.
I'm going to come through and take that land, baby.
Where you been at?
Now, is it true that you've been shitting?
I have no clue.
Is this you?
Have you been shitting on New York?
No, I love New York, man.
I just love not New York, too.
But you're getting different, though, bro.
Yeah, I'm different.
I'm tan, bro.
I look better tan, bro.
Oh, you do?
I think I look better tan.
Well, you come in a lot more, and I'll be honest with you, bro.
You come in a lot more, I think Mexican, bro, or fucking beach Slavic.
There's a couple brothers in the ribcage eating oranges, bro.
It's like them little Russian, little Russian dogs.
Oh, okay.
You're going to get a brown one eventually.
Yeah.
Oh, there's Sheldrick.
Yeah.
That's a good question, though, man.
Like, yeah, well, it makes me think.
I love New York, but I'm a complete hypocrite, bro.
Now, tell me this.
Have you been able to get different...
Go, go, go, go, go.
Have you been able to get different guests down in Miami that you wouldn't have been able to get?
Not really.
I mean, like, we had your boy.
You got to tell me what happened with Chris Hansen, bro.
Because we had Chris Hanson on, and then everybody kept hitting me like, yo, tell him to pay back Theo.
I was like, for what?
I thought they said tell him to pay back Theo.
And I didn't know if you were involved in to catch a predator in some way.
Oh, no, I've never done anything like that.
Okay, so like, no, nothing.
I'll be honest, bro.
I had one girl.
He should show up here, though.
One girl sent me a message on IG and I said, you are too young for me.
Now, could she work for you with the rest of the fucking children that you have in there, dude?
That kid is of age.
How old is he?
He doesn't even know what the fucking Pythagorean theorem is.
This kid's nine years old, bro.
God fucking wrote it.
He's Asian, not Greek.
Whatever.
Riley Mao, how old are you?
I'm 22. There you go.
He's 22, bro.
He's 22. He's hairless too.
And look, I'll tell you this.
Never.
He's hairless, so he looks younger.
Got his first pass.
He would be a great stuntman for a Chris Hansen.
I asked Hanson who picks the adult children.
What did he say?
He didn't answer.
That's a weird casting job.
Yeah.
Like, you look young enough.
I guess you, yeah, how do you do that?
You go out to bars and just kind of see who looks real young.
I don't like that kind of stuff when somebody looks too young.
Yeah, it's weird.
Especially as I get older, there becomes this like this governor in your head that tells you this is someone who has a book bag.
Yes.
You know?
Yes.
Like that's where it is for me.
If somebody has a book bag for any reason, right?
Even night school, whatever it is for any reason, I know I don't.
You don't like kids and you don't like people furthering their education around their job.
Right.
I understand you have like a tough job and you want to like be a nurse.
Yeah.
But that's not for you.
Yeah, that's not for me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I just, that's one of the deterrents for me, I feel like is a book pack, you know?
Yeah, I think that's a good one.
Yeah.
That's a good stuff.
It keeps me, that stuff keeps me safe.
Because without the backpack, you'd be like, I need you.
Well, it's dangerous out there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, you look, you lucky you got fiancéed out.
I did get fiancéed out.
So you took, I'm not going to say you took the easy way out, but you took the easy way out, bro.
No, actually.
You left the rest of us out here in this barnum in Bailey-ass fucking, I'm 17, I'm 27. Yeah.
Not universe.
Like, you know, you left it weird.
I'll ask you this.
Yeah.
What happened to me and Chris Hansen was this?
Yeah.
And there was, we put him up.
I'll ask you this.
This is what happened to me.
Chris Hans.
You're impossible to talk to, dude.
You're impossible to talk to.
Guys, we both do this for a living talk.
Let's talk.
We promise.
We both do this for a living.
I don't do this for a living.
Okay.
Tell me what happened with Chris Hansen because I got inundated with messages.
People are upset at me for interviewing this guy because I didn't know that he, I guess, ripped you off or something.
There was extra charges at his room.
Where'd you put him up?
We put him up at the Four Seasons.
That's the...
You know what I mean?
So look, bro.
You done made it.
Hey, you done made it, bro.
Four seasons?
Look, bro, we put him up at least the three seasons.
He got all four.
According to those charges from him.
That's true.
Now, we put him up at the three seasons.
He ordered the fourth.
That's what I'm saying, bro.
How much extra charge?
It was about $1,200 for autumn.
No.
That's what it was.
No.
Including room?
There was extra charges.
So that's where it became a discrepancy where it seemed like he was trying to not pay the extra charges.
Okay.
And we kind of agreed on what the charges would be.
So he felt like there was maybe gray area.
I don't know.
I'm not accusing him.
It just seemed obtuse at the end, I thought.
Because the story I heard, the way that, you know, the game of telephone changes shit is that he tried to sneak out the hotel and you had like an employee chase him down like on some not so fat, like, remember your show, sir?
Like, like, how ironic he leaves the hotel.
He doesn't arrest me.
And then force him to pay the bill before he left.
That's what I heard.
I swear to God, I'm not making up any of this.
I swear to God.
And I got like 10 or 20 messages that were like this.
Here's what happened.
I had an assistant at the time.
Yeah.
And she was make, I had her, she was checking out what the bill was, what was going on.
And she was literally talking to the woman on the front desk as he was leaving the hotel.
And so.
It just so happened.
It just so happened.
And so she like was had to apparently speak with the lady and say, well, can you make, you know, get a hold of him and get some charges out of him?
We got to get some charges out of him.
Yeah.
You know?
But with that said, I mean, the dude has done a lot for humanity, and I don't mind putting him up for another couple nights.
Isn't it, you know what I mean?
Like, there's a little part of you that's got to go, like, he stopped so many pedophiles.
Oh, totally.
He shouldn't have to pay for the hotel.
Yeah.
But you were like, he should have to pay a little.
He didn't stop enough.
He didn't stop what happened to me.
What if the whole thing wasn't set up?
Where were you when I was a kid?
Yes.
What if that's the new show?
Where were you when I was a kid?
And it's just people.
It's just trashing.
People rolling up on Chris Hanson and John Walsh and just sitting them down and saying, look, man, where were you?
We asked him about the Epstein shit because it's weird.
Wow.
He did so much good.
Yeah, look, Chris Hansen, look, man, I'll say this.
The guy has done a ton of good stuff.
Like, to get in the way of those people.
And I think a lot of those people are sick.
I don't know if a lot of people want to be touching kids.
I think it's a sick.
It's a fucking sickness.
I don't think it's a choice you make up in the morning, you know?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But so, and the guy's done a lot of stuff, man.
So, Chris, no matter what happened, bro, I'll put you up anywhere you want to stay for a couple nights moving forward, dog.
You know what I'm saying?
You keep the kids safe, baby boy.
That's what I'm talking about.
Mia Schultz got you, son.
Wait, why am I in on this?
You're in on it.
We got you, dog.
We've got you.
We got a kid right here.
Two kids that you can save right now.
Chris, come to, I'm not going to give the address, but come to Wedgwood.
We out of here.
This is our last episode here, actually, Chris.
Yep.
Oh, okay.
This is our last episode here, man.
Where's the new one?
Well, I don't know.
I'm not telling you.
Not telling Brendan.
I'm not telling Chris.
I'm not telling the police because there's 15 more of his fucking cousins in there right now building the shit out.
I'm not telling Chris E.D. either.
The first kid that greeted me, I was like, oh, he looks kind of young.
And this guy's got on fucking bampers.
He's running a plant.
Like, what do you have here?
A chocolate factory?
Who's running this shit?
Hello.
Is the Grilly Greeper growing?
Dude, he is.
How old are you, man, again?
22. He's American, dude.
Yeah.
Tell him you're straight American, aren't you?
I am.
Yeah, I never said he wasn't American.
There you go.
he was a boy.
Yeah, dude.
But look, I know there's racial connotation to everything.
Okay?
That's some people say.
You know?
And he's a good guy, man.
Good guy.
Riley Mao.
An adult, right, Riley?
I am.
And where do you work at, Riley?
In Nashville?
There you go.
All right, there you go.
Let me ask you this, though.
This is pretty rehearsed.
This is a good question.
You guys been working on this?
The cops come?
I don't know what his fucking problem is.
Where do you work at regularly, Riley?
What does Theo do after 10.30?
Where do you work at regularly, Riley?
What do you work at home before he goes to bed?
What's his favorite snack?
No, I let him run around on my back for a few minutes before I get to sleep.
I think Theo likes Cheerios.
Here's what I'm asking you, bro.
Dude, your mic is looking for you, bro.
It's just getting further.
Carlo, the other day, your mic put up a wanted poster.
There's a picture of you on it, bro.
Have you seen?
It's just you and the picture of your hand, bro.
Somebody got a prank me where they just like cement it in.
I go to push it away.
I just throw myself up.
It's the new shake weight.
God, I'm.
He did 212 mics today.
Tell me this.
Do you think?
Yeah.
So there's obviously a problem in our community of men communicating with, being able to communicate with women who may or may not be of age.
Do I forgive Chris Alya?
No, that's not what I'm asking you.
But hold on, no, no, no.
I'm not at all.
There's some shit on your heart, it seems like, but that's not what we're here for.
Do you think that Chris and I are certainly but I mean like we were never like Chris was hard to get close to yeah yeah and I think Chris will tell you that too Chris I mean like as long as I ever knew Chris he was on he was just honestly man he was on his phone and he was hard to get to know at all really I always thought because the outside perception was that but you guys were homies yeah I don't think that we were certainly like we're certainly friends like I mean I think that colleagues was that a better word I think colleagues is a better word colleagues yeah yeah yeah and
I think uh yeah I mean I think I would have probably wanted to be better friends yeah you know I just think like Chris was popular before I had any popularity right you know and he was hard to get to know you know yeah but I think he was in his addiction man I literally like when I think back on it watching him like text women it was like watching somebody use heroin in front of you you don't think of it like that you don't think like oh man look how like literally he could not stop yeah
so you know and I don't even think I'm talking out of turn like I suffer from addiction so I know what it's like to have to like be in places where you feel compelled by powers that are greater than you kind of to do stuff a lot of empathy for that it seems I think I do bro yeah but here's my question for you is this man do you think there should be some liability for Instagram and for these services that allow people to connect I don't think that you should be able to follow anybody under 18 or communicate they can't put a barrier between
young people and adults like how is you can't go to a movie if you're not 18 like you need your parent to go to the movie with you if you're under 18 but like Instagram this is what I think is the worst that they're doing like Snapchat and all them is not only and Snapchat is probably the worst that's why I don't even fuck with Snapchat but like they are forcing you to see shit you don't want to see oh yeah yeah like surprise here's a child exactly here's a child dancing suggestively
and I'm like nah bro this is weird bro it's just weird dude yeah and here's a child in like a Chinese like uh information like data suck so I'm just like fuck that as well yeah there's rumors of that I mean it is it's not a rumor they're just like yeah we built it all the data it's just people with like pictures of like magical makeup on it like no they're trying to turn Americans into pedophiles that's what they're like they're like 114 year olds dancing isn't that cool isn't that awesome dude
everybody's our fucking president is sniffing children's hair how is that not our new national anthem it's just him sniffing hair to a fucking trap beat dude that poor did you see him just give up on his speech the other day that motherfucker said anyway he forgot the word he forgot he's talking about he just said anyway dude i'm struggling culpability you were saying about the app how is
there not like how is there not a class action suit by any parents that have ever had their kids who have been approached by adults through the app yeah that that's not illegal i mean that's insane bro if you made if you made a pathway if you allowed a company to dig a tunnel from my child's bedroom to a fucking grown man's house dude i would show up at the company and assassinate everybody in that bed 100 that's what i would do 100 and that's the problem with some of these shooters they're shooting at the wrong people there's people need to get shot people asking
for bullets no it's true now you make a good point like why do we not look at them be like why are you suggesting this to me and then they blame it on you they go the algorithm knows what you like no it don't stop showing me you they removed the dislike button remember there was a dislike button like you're gonna get rid of it it's like motherfucker i can't even tell you to not show me young pussy bro like i can't even tell you to do that you're gonna remove my ability nah they're fucked up dude they're fucked up like you look at someone's explore
page it says a lot about them bro oh mine is very mine is all adult shit yeah yeah a little bit of 6'9 okay yeah street fights yeah yeah a couple street fights on there and then like a couple of fucking like um what else is on there oh i watch calendar i'll listen to callin and steve's new stuff yeah you guys's stuff is on there and then women a lot of russian women that i've sent the little hand emoji to you do hand emoji that's your opening yeah and i don't do it as much as
i used to which is kind of nice yeah for a while i was kind of like are these women even but now it's like some of them aren't even real and does it matter i just at a certain point for me it's like giving away my it's like i'd rather just keep my own chi.
You know, I'm not serving my chi through this fucking dirty pipeline, you know what I'm saying?
Like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
What is it doing for me?
What percentage of chi are you giving with a hand emoji?
I think you're giving away five percent of your chi on that.
That's about five percent chi.
I think so because it's like, do I have the control or not to let this thing influence me that much where I'm going to drop a hand to this Romanian?
I mean, you're going to drop a hand regardless.
Right, probably.
But at least drop it.
Try to not see it.
That's really what the hand is.
It's like, I'm going to use this.
Yeah, but I'd rather, like, you know what, I'm going to hold on to this.
I hear you.
I'm going to keep a little bit of that energy.
So when I meet a girl at a cafe, maybe there's a little bit more huts, but behind my fucking desire than to think that I've been already rejected 70 times this morning.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, I think some of that plays into how we operate, you know?
You see some dude who's been rejected 9,000 times that month and he asks you out.
I think his energy is kind of probably going to be whacked.
Yeah, you're probably right.
Then again, like, you ever have one of those friends that is impervious to rejection?
I'm not that friend.
But you know what I mean?
Like, I had a buddy growing up who just could get rejected and it meant nothing.
Like, he was more embarrassed if he didn't go say hello.
Oh, wow.
I wish I had that.
Who gave him that?
Jamaica.
Oh, is it the comedian that was just here?
No, no, no, no.
Lil Duval?
No, I love Lil Duval.
I know.
I saw y'all's video.
I watched y'all's YouTube video.
It was sweet, bro.
Bro, he is the GOAT.
Lil Duval, I'm telling you, is operating on another level.
Is he?
That is another level.
You got to be around him to get it.
And then when you're around him, you're going to really understand it.
And he's just like trying to communicate shit that he's understood, come up with in the most digestible way possible.
But if you just sit and talk with him and he really kind of like gives you that part of him, you're going to go, oh, this guy is an alien.
Damn.
He's the closest to alien that I've met.
Damn.
And no formal education.
Like, he literally said, like, I didn't have like meals until I was rich.
Like, I grew up on appetizers.
Wow.
Like, the guy had nothing, but his just brain is different.
He can absorb everything and understand.
Like, he's just a fucking genius that guy.
Yeah.
Super genius.
Yeah, I wish I'd have gotten a new home.
I'm going to try to go.
I'm going to have to go see him next time he comes through.
Yeah.
We got another question that came in here.
Let's play another one here, Rye.
What we got, Ry?
And where have you been, Riley?
You've been doing a lot of church stuff or what?
No, I've been doing a lot of music videos.
Okay.
Church stuff.
What do you do in the church?
I run audio and video.
Oh, cool.
And you're an active member of your congregation, Riley?
What's that?
Are you an active member of your congregation?
Yeah.
The guys that built our studio in Brooklyn, that's a big part of their business.
Doing A-V for churches.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The thing about the church, I like the church show, but here's the thing about the church show.
Okay.
They start being too nice, letting too many people get on the stage, bro.
Then they got the dude with the bell.
They got the handicap dude.
They got the sign language.
They got the guy in the cage always, like in the screened off.
Why is that guy in the screened off stuff always?
Who knows?
Nobody knows.
Well, somebody should, man, if y'all are running proper stuff up there.
There's just too many.
By the end of the year, it's like, it's just, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's getting a little like a, yeah.
I want to let you know that insurance can be complicated.
Yep.
It can be damn confusing, really, insurance.
You don't know if you're insured.
Somebody throws something at you.
You hurt yourself.
Damn, well, who do I call?
You're just calling 911 all the time?
They're like, we don't have any coverage on you.
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Play this beautiful guy right here, man.
What up, Theo?
What up, Schultz?
Juan from Cansas out here in this video.
Good to see my two favorite comedians, podcasters on the same post.
Let's go.
The fuck was I going to say?
Didn't you have that American old studio?
Shout out to you.
I saw you in Kansas City in the heat of COVID.
Theo, I haven't seen you because you're scared to go out, but I see you posting those videos on Instagram.
I'll be out, baby.
Anyways, Andrew, I'm getting married this summer.
Any tips on the speech?
As a groom, I want to give a speech.
That's good, man.
Yeah, how do you perform that?
Grooms give a speech?
I thought you don't speak.
I thought everybody else speaks.
The friend's speech.
So, yeah, the guy doesn't know how it works, but that's his problem.
You know what I'm saying, bro?
Yeah, don't give it away.
Just don't give a speech because that's how weddings work.
Yeah, that's the advice, bro.
There you go.
Everybody talks about you, and then they trash you and say that your wife is amazing, and then the wedding's over.
Yeah, dude.
You don't say anything.
Yeah, it's most of the time of you just guessing if any of the dudes are ever hooked up with your lady.
That's what a lot of it is.
Dude, I'll be at a wedding and I will tell the guy.
I just want to let you know if the wife has invited me because I'll get invited by some of them by the wife's.
I will say, I have never had anything to do with your wife.
You just out of nowhere say that.
Yeah, because I feel like the guy, if I'm the guy.
I'm just trying to fuck him up on the day of his wedding where he's like, why would you say that to me unsolicited?
Now I'm thinking that you smashed my wife.
Oh, yeah.
You can't be thinking like that.
You got to think like I think.
Like I'm trying to let you know.
I want you to feel safe that, hey, buddy, you know, I just want to let you know I'm just here for food and to be supportive.
I never had, I never even seen your wife.
And what if I'm like, I never thought that you saw her because you guys didn't grow up together and you didn't even meet until today.
So why are you sharing this information?
Yeah, that's true, huh?
Yeah, because I'm definitely going to think that you made love to my wife.
Oh, damn.
If you said that.
Damn, damn, damn.
Yeah.
Like, if I came in here and I was like, all the boys that you have working here at your factory, they never worked for me before you.
What would you think?
I feel like you know something about these boys.
Yeah.
I see.
Yeah, I gotta, maybe I'll just have to think about it or kind of do a pro-con thing on it.
Yeah, maybe.
I, yeah, I like to say that.
I'll say that to any girl I know who has a boy around, I will tell the dude, hey, man, I just want to let you know I never had anything to do with your lady, even if it's a lie sometimes.
I think I just want the dude to feel comfortable.
Wait, do you have any friends that are dating girls that you've slept with?
I'm sure I probably do.
Currently?
I don't know.
I don't have a ton of friends at the moment.
I mean, I have like, it's like, I'm not in between friends, but it's during COVID.
It's like there's a couple guys who are your friends.
I mean, probably, I probably have.
I have probably.
Who's the next person you're going to stop being friends with?
Have you already figured it out?
Have you already...
Have you already figured it out?
Have a seat.
Bro, I can't get over how good the show would be.
Where were you when I got molested?
That's right.
We never got to that.
Like, he did so much good, but because he's the guy that stops molesters, you're looking at him like, where the f- Like, come on, bro.
FC was at it.
Like, what were you doing?
What about some kid who's getting molested?
He's just waiting for Chris Hansen to come in the door because he saw the show.
Nope.
Nothing.
Oh, that's got to be heartbreaking.
Yeah.
Thailand.
Imagine how many people see Chris Hansen.
Oh, I hate even thinking about this.
This is the sick part about being alive sometimes is the thoughts you have.
Like, imagine how many people see Christopher Hansen and think, man, I got reminds them that they got molested.
Yeah.
But you could also look at it like you might have got molested double if it wasn't for Chris Hanson because maybe one of those other guys would have been molesting, but he stopped it.
There's no doubt that he stopped a lot of molesting.
Yeah, because those guys just go.
It's just, it's like, yeah.
Yep.
It's, yeah.
Damn.
It's thick stuff, man.
What else we got, Riley?
Man, I want to bring up another question here because I don't know how to get out of where we are.
A lot of pressure on you today, bro.
A lot of pressure.
Here we go, man.
Yo, Theo, Schultzy, two of my favorites.
What up?
Finally seeing Schultz live this Saturday night show in Nashville.
Let's go.
I saw Theo a couple years ago in Lexington.
That's what he's doing.
He's got him from Louisville, Kentucky, so I'm hyped for all this.
But question here.
Out of this list, who do you think is the most likely to have a successful presidential campaign?
And all this is possible in the climate we're in.
So here we go.
Alex Jones.
Dr. Umar A-O-C or Logan Paul?
Okay.
What were we thinking?
Dr. Umar is that woman, right?
No.
Dr. Umar Johnson.
Pull him up.
Riley Mao.
The funniest guy unintentionally on the internet.
Okay.
He's the prince of pan-Africanism, right?
Yeah.
So he's, it's like, it's, it's, it's black empowerment, and a lot of the stuff that he says is good.
It's right.
Care about the community, do all these things.
But it's to another level.
And some might say that he's a bit of a con artist.
He's been trying to build a school for just black boys.
And he's getting this money to build the school, but the school never has been built.
And he is quite, can you go to like a Dr. Umar Johnson highlight reel?
Yeah.
Let's go to YouTube, Riley.
Oh, my God, dude.
I got to bring up something because it's just too good.
It's too good.
He's a legend.
This guy is a legend.
Is he really?
Undeniably hilarious.
How's it looking, Riley?
Dr. Umar Johnson highlight video.
Can you get that?
Yeah.
Give me a second.
I think there's also like threads on the business.
Oh no, this is just the breakfast club interview.
You need a highlight for him.
Okay.
But let's go back, really.
I wish I had the video up.
Oh, my God.
There we go.
Part one.
Hit it.
All right, let's see what we got.
No cat.
I haven't gotten any donations.
Let me give me some donations.
Dollar sign FDMG school.
Get them donations in.
If you want to donate to the Black Parent Tour to help Dr. Umar with my expenses, dollar sign Dr. Umar Johnson.
Dollar sign Dr. Umar Johnson.
If you're a single, beautiful, nappy-headed, intelligent, voluptuous black woman, send your resume to drumarjohnson at yahoo.com.
If you are a single, beautiful, nappy-headed, voluptuous black woman, send your resume.
Is he serious?
I'm in your ass.
Lego Honor, I'm in your ass.
William Clay, I'm in your ass.
Gerald Palmer, I'm in your ass.
Anti-Spengali.
I'm in your ass.
Who's in Casa Africa?
I'm in your ass.
Fuck court.
Fuck the court.
Strong alpha males.
Send those resumes in.
FDMG resumes at gmail.com.
And he has a lot of email addresses, doesn't he?
How hard is it to fucking log in for, my man?
It sounds like a fucking nightmare.
It's what we're looking for.
All right, maybe we didn't choose the right highlight, but trust me, this guy's valuable.
It's already good.
I promise.
It's already lucky.
I wish we came with more heat, bro.
I got to come with the links next time.
Yeah, let's go.
That was kind of a bomb right there.
It's kind of a big bomb.
I feel really bad.
I know how important dead air is on a podcast.
What was the question?
I don't know, dude.
Oh, yeah.
Who would you want to be?
Who is a realistic president?
Logan Paul, probably.
You think?
I don't.
Oh, wait, Logan, maybe.
The most realistic chance.
I thought the other guy.
Somebody just offered me a jet from here to go watch The Brother fight.
Would you check?
Alex Johnson?
Yeah.
Wait, Alex Jones?
No, no, no.
To watch The Brother, Logan Paul's brother.
Oh, oh, Jake.
Yeah, I can't decide if I'm going to go or not.
Oh, yeah.
If you can go, go.
Are you kidding?
It's going to be a great, it's going to be a great event.
You think so?
100%.
Yeah.
Yeah, maybe I'll go.
Yeah.
There's going to be like performances and shit.
They know what they're doing.
Wait, is it that Triller shit again?
Yeah.
Oh, dude, I didn't like it.
Bro, I felt like I was stuck at a fucking nightclub in Jacksonville.
That's the whole thing it felt like, dude.
Maybe that's why I liked it.
There were just some bad lights and people fucking basically look like a couple of rappers wandering around singing while they were looking for their fucking car keys.
And then they would cut to some fucking box.
The boxing was fucking bad.
I thought it was bad.
Really?
Yeah, I loved it, bro.
Did you?
Yeah.
I really liked it.
I don't know why.
I mean, maybe it was just cool to see Mike Tyson fight again.
It was cool to see Roy Jones fight again.
And then it was shocking to see Jake Paul just completely obliterate Nate Robinson.
Dude, a lot of people thought Nate was going to win that, probably.
Yeah, that's just racism.
Yeah, but that's like That white guy can't beat a black guy in a fight.
People just looked at it.
They're like, there's no way that white guy can beat a black guy in a fight.
And then people like, yeah, but he's like six inches taller and he weighs more.
But he's a white guy.
His name is Jake.
There's no way that he can win in a fight.
And it turns out that motherfucker can fight.
That's crazy, bro.
That's the thing about being able to fight.
You can't really talk much shit to that person afterwards.
Like all the people who just like clown Jake Paul and make fun of Jake Paul, that kind of stopped.
Like famous people, like all of a sudden, like Snoop Dogg and shit are like hanging with him.
Like when he, I remember Jake Paul did a music video with like Gucci Mane and everybody was like teasing him and shit about it.
And now all of a sudden all these rappers want to hang out with him.
Right.
Everybody wants to hang out with the silverback, man.
Everybody wants to hang out with the guy who's knocking people out.
To get a point, huh?
Yeah.
I bet your boy's going through that right now.
Who's that?
Dustin.
Oh, yeah.
I'm sure he probably.
Oh, I know he's been.
Yeah.
People have been trying to get him to do everything.
He said.
Stop.
Yeah.
Driving gloves.
He said somebody hit him up to a model driving gloves.
I'm like, Jesus, man.
For golf?
Huh?
No, for driving autos, bro.
Like, the taxi cab drivers in New York and shit?
Like, roaring 20s kind of shit.
Whenever I'd get into a taxi cab and the guy had gloves, I was like, bro, we're about to be early.
This guy came ready to work, bro.
Who's putting on, dude?
How strenuous just holding the wheel?
We got power steering now, dude.
People drive with their knees, dude.
There are people who have no arms and they go to work by driving with their fucking feet.
And you got full-on gloves to hold the wheel.
The wheel is made out of gloves.
They made it easier for you.
They just put the glove on the wheel.
It's unbelievable.
What could it possibly do?
I don't know.
I don't know.
After a long day of drive, you think you take it off and you're like, thank God, I've sweated the laundry.
But I think they're weighted to help you like get like.
No, he's wearing weighted driving.
Have you fucking seen America, dog?
People are wearing complete bullshit.
There was a weighted swimming neck brace that two people fucking drowned in.
That they had a lawsuit like eight years ago.
Why would anybody wear weights in the pool?
Because they're fucking idiots.
Have you been alive?
Have you fucking been outside of your eyes?
No.
People are retarded, bro.
A weighted swimming defines.
People are legally retarded, and then there's people that are just after that.
Yo, that's the thing that's crazy is that like we have to decide when a retard starts.
Right.
And there are people who are just not retarded.
And we've called him normal.
Dude, there's no that yeah.
That first little IQ point right there.
Those people walking around barely getting by.
Yeah, like every once in a while want to make one of them moans and the whole fucking Jurassic Park moans.
There is a yeah.
Okay, Alan.
His parents just let him go outside and just fucking turn around and just look at each other.
Just as...
Yeah!
*laughs*
They gotta hold in that fucking sound so nobody knows.
They gotta hold that shit out.
Oh, yeah.
looking around.
No!
No!
Ha ha ha!
It's like a mosquito.
Yeah, dude.
That's like a mosquito, dude.
Bro, I realized yesterday how weird this is.
Tell me if this is racist or not, dude.
You're the closest thing we've had to a black guest in a while, dude.
Is the U.S. postal system basically just like giving mail to a black guy and hoping it gets where it's supposed to go?
That's what I feel like, bro.
Wait a minute.
That's what I realized the other day.
That the U.S. postal system today is basically just like handing the mail to a black guy and hoping he cares enough for it to go where it's supposed to go.
Is that not fucking the truth?
Like, go mail something, bro.
Go mail something.
You might be onto something.
Yeah, no homo or nothing, but like, it's fucking crazy, bro.
What do you get lost, bro?
I mean, it's just a lot of things, right?
Bro, U.S. postal system shit is 50-50.
Remember when Trump tried to fix it, and then America was like, stop!
This doesn't work.
And they're like, stop!
Stop there.
And he's like, no, you understand?
Like, it's just handing it to a black guy and maybe he brings it.
And then they were like, stop trying to make it better, you dickhead.
What the fuck are you thinking?
He's like, but maybe there's a better system even for them.
Like, if we could give them an address or something to get your postage to.
And America's like, fuck you for wanting us to get our mail piece of shit.
Yeah, are you crazy, guy?
Dude, the anxiety of working.
I don't want a white male fucking traveling around the country anymore.
This shit has to stop.
But just imagine being that poor black guy.
They just give you a satchel full of shit.
And he's like, do you know where any of this shit go?
Deliver it.
Yeah, but I was just wondering if I should know like, where's where?
Is there like a route?
Is there anything?
Dude, how many black dudes out there are just pretending they're Santa every day and just fucking putting mail wherever?
Bro, how many fucking...
Are you racist or not, bro?
Have you ever seen a mailbox?
Will they just let us know?
Every day I go to my mailbox and I'm thinking there's going to be a letter and it's just going to say yes or no.
But it never comes.
Just tell us, man.
Oh.
Thank you.
That was a good laugh.
It was a good laugh, man.
But we're no closer to an answer.
We never will be, man.
Shit's getting wild, you know?
They said that what I see the other day, they're thinking about doing a movie with Black Christopher Columbus, which is fucking blew my mind, you know?
Yeah.
I mean, that's actually kind of cool.
You know, I fell off at the Black Andy, so from the beginning, I was out, you know, of like the forced, like the forced.
Because otherwise, I want to see white Amistad.
You know what I'm saying?
I want to see the other way.
I want to see Japanese Amistad or I want to see, you know, ginger Amistad.
Yeah.
You know?
That would be kind of sick.
Yeah.
Ginger Amistad.
Wouldn't that be crazy?
Yeah.
A bunch of gingers on a ship.
Yeah.
That's like Vikings.
That was the Vikings.
Yeah.
Right?
Yeah, but not doing well, you know, or having a tough steerage.
In steerage.
In steerage.
Yeah.
Yeah, you don't like to force diversity.
I don't like it.
I just don't think, I get it.
I get like there's some need for it in some places, but it's like, unless you're doing it everywhere, I just don't think it helps.
I think in the end, things have to be merit-based because otherwise you can't say like at this company, you got to have this, but over here, on this company, you don't have it.
You know, it just kind of.
And I think it rubs people the wrong way after a while.
Yeah, I don't think it works for anyone because the communities that are being quote unquote represented aren't really being represented because they're just taking a black person and making them play a traditional white role.
So like the black community is not going, yeah, that's us.
They're going, no, you're just acting like that white guy.
Yeah, like, hey, Alvin, you're a businessman today.
He's like, huh?
When like if you want to tell a story about a black businessman, you could easily do that.
There's tons of stories about black businessmen.
They're so fucking lazy in Hollywood and they're so racist.
This is how racist Hollywood, they're like, wait, do you think people would care about a black person's story?
Fuck no.
Just make them James Bond.
Right?
Like, that was like 100 years of Hollywood.
That's what I don't understand how black people are like so like, don't like, don't y'all see that Hollywood didn't give a fuck about y'all for so long?
Like Virgil Tibbs was y'all's only dude forever.
That's in the heat of the night.
Can you pull up Virgil Tibbs, please, brother?
Jesus Christ, man.
Can't get this fucking guy to work.
Unbelievable.
Come on.
Unfucking believable, dude.
But yeah, dude, it is a little fucked up when you think about it like that.
It just doesn't behoove anybody.
I don't know.
There you go, Virgil Tibbs.
No.
Dude, this is from Sneakers.
Yeah, this is from In the Heat of the Night.
Yeah, of course, of course.
He was my favorite, man.
Oh, no, no, no.
Virgil Tibbs.
Whoopsie.
My bad.
And that is Hercule Paro, I think, is the other guy, and that's from Raising in the Sun.
First of all, is Raising in the Sun a racial term?
I feel like super racist, but can I say what I said was really racist, but it wasn't?
I said sneakers, right?
Because I was thinking of Sidney Pottier, right?
And I looked and I was like, but that guy looks like Sidney fucking Potier.
And then I was like, oh, shit, am I racist?
Am I making two black people look the same?
No.
The third picture says what underneath it?
Third picture.
Sidney Potier.
So the one that I looked at was Sidney Potier.
Well, one of them is a movie and one of them is a television show.
Yeah.
Virgil Tibbs, the character.
And Sidney Potier played him in the movie.
Ah, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.
But, yeah.
And I love now Hollywood's like, oh, yeah.
Yeah.
That's a thing.
It's like.
Yeah.
I wish people would just understand Hollywood.
Yeah, it's a business.
I try to attach more to it, and that's one of my problems.
Sometimes I'll attach more.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah, man, they don't want me this and that.
They're just a fucking business that thinks they're run really, really, that thinks they're great.
That's also a thing about them.
It's one of those things where, like, I feel like they set it up almost like McDonald's, where, you know how, and this is not to insult motherfuckers who work at McDonald's, but anybody could work at McDonald's.
Like, they set it up so that.
Yeah, you're right.
Actually, anybody could work at McDonald's because they even do, they do everybody from down syndrome hires to full-fledged, capable hires.
Exactly.
Right?
Yeah.
So they got the whole spectrum.
And it's a brilliant business in that way where anybody can go in there and pretty much figure it out.
And then you can improve and become a manager and do all these other things.
But like the lower level positions right there, anybody can kind of do.
And they set it up that way.
And I feel like for a little while, Hollywood set up the system so well that they could insert whoever they wanted.
And it kind of worked out.
Right?
Like there were a few actors and there were a few like movie franchises and shit and you were just like, do people like this guy?
Like what the fuck?
But I'm still going to watch it because that's what's on TV.
Yeah.
You know?
And I do think that the internet kind of exposed that.
Like when you think about it, we just talk shit for hours and that's better than a TV show that they spent tens of millions of dollars on.
Like you and I have just made retard sounds.
There was a part of this podcast where we just made retard sounds.
I only made one, but yeah.
But you did a couple because you did the same.
You did a couple.
You did more.
You did most.
Yeah, but you did the baritone.
Take that, King of the Sting, okay?
You eat your weird foods.
We're out here and we're making retard sounds.
You guys are bad friends.
Get the fuck out of here.
You guys are both two guys that I told I wouldn't do podcasts with.
That's who you guys are.
So let's fucking go.
That's fired.
Bobby Lee, you're taking that.
You're taking that.
Bobby Lee's not even awake right now, and it's 4 p.m.
in the afternoon.
Guy texted me at 2.49 a.m.
the other day, asking me a normal daytime question.
What do you ask?
I love that motherfucker so much.
I haven't seen you in a while.
The fuck are you talking about?
That's because I'm fucking day turnal, fam.
Tighten up, dude.
Oh, fuck.
Yeah, man.
I don't know.
He runs a tight ship, bro.
I remember during Corona, I went over there to do his podcast.
They were in a good ship.
And him and his girl, Kalila.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, they're great.
And I came with the crew, right?
And they wouldn't let the crew in because of Corona.
Wow.
Yeah.
Yeah, they got real specific.
They got a new home, too.
And they don't want a lot of people in their new home.
I think her parents have like potential comorbidities.
So she was taking it crazy serious.
And I get that.
Yeah.
Because, you know what I mean?
That was back in the day.
Like, if you're old, you just die.
At least that's what we thought.
So I do understand that.
But I was like, okay, look at how responsible fucking Bobby is, bro.
Bobby was the wildest boy.
And now this guy's a grown-ass responsible man.
Yeah, man.
I mean, they're great.
They're really great over there.
I love Bobby.
Bobby, I'll say this.
He always comes through when you need him.
Bobby comes through when you need him, man.
Really?
Yeah.
Has he been there for you?
He has.
Bobby comes through when you need him.
And it's fun, man.
Look, we get to play in this world of like doing podcasts and like, you know.
This is absurd what we get to do.
We get to talk to freaking legends.
Legends.
You know?
Like, I mean, we get to talk to legends.
Yeah.
You know?
Like, I got to talk the other day.
We had Bobby Kennedy Jr. on, right?
Like, we had a, but I'm just saying, like, we had a Kennedy on.
Is he the anti-vax guy?
Yeah.
He's safe vax.
Safe vaxx.
What does that mean?
He just wants the vax to be tested for a decent amount of time in a decent way before they give them to people, which isn't.
Reasonable, bro.
Like, why do we call him crazy?
I agree, bro.
Bro, before you inject me with some crazy shit, can you, like, look at it a bit?
Like, that's all he's saying.
Dude, who's running the vaccination program?
The USPS, bro?
Is that what?
The USPS.
He's just like, take this shit and fucking run it.
Do your best, fam.
Do your best, fam.
And this guy's out there like, yo, can you just look in the ingredients?
Can you look at the ingredients?
Can I get a nutrition facts or whatever?
Give me the back of the snapple, bro.
Isn't that crazy you get a vaccine and don't even have the back of the snapple, bro?
That's not.
That is crazy, bro.
Don't even.
Show me the back.
Just show me the back where it says it got this much sodium and this much sugar and this much added sugar.
Where the riboflavins at, dude?
How many riboflavins you got?
I think that's fair.
I think that's very fair.
Are you getting vax?
I don't want to come out as an anti-vaxxer, but I don't think, I would say no.
Like, I don't think I need the vax and I would like to wait a year or two to make sure everything's cool.
I grew up in a community where they, the, the, when they had the vaccine for polio, they created it in my community in Louisiana.
And it gave cervical cancer to millions of women, millions of women in America.
But the government had already made it.
They'd already created and spent all the money to make so much of it that they had to, because it also got rid of polio.
But the cost was your pussy, you got to get taken out.
You know what I'm saying?
I don't have a buzzy about.
God.
I'm going to be honest with you.
That sounds like a fuzzy problem.
As a non-owner.
They out there stealing Bugattis.
I ain't got a Bugatti.
Yo pussy, son!
All he does, he walks into a fucking, he walks into Johnston and Murphy at the airport.
He's like, y'all, pussy, son.
Meek Mill, y'all pussy.
I love it.
Look at this right here, bro.
That dude drops more in bombs than anybody I've ever met.
The most.
Dude, did you see a documentary about him?
The Hulu one?
Yeah.
No, I haven't seen the Hulu one.
It was so great because it just shows, yeah, all these rappers are afraid to kill anybody anymore because everybody's making money.
So now you can just rip them to shreds and there's no consequences.
He found it out.
He figured it out.
And that's what I appreciate about him so much is that like I don't like, how do I say this?
Like if you made your wealth in blood money, I don't like you morally grandstanding.
Like I'm okay if you make your money dirty, but don't tell me how to be good.
Right.
You know what I'm saying?
So it's like, it was a lot of rappers for like a moment who like their whole career bragged about horrible shit that they were doing.
Like Benny Hinn.
I don't know who that is.
He's not a rapper, but like a speaker kind of.
Go on anyway.
I shouldn't know.
I said nothing.
Anyway, but you know what I'm saying?
It's like if you talk about how much you kill people, sell drugs, and do that other shit, and then you're also like, we need to take care of our communities.
And it's like, bro, I've been listening to three albums of you murdering your community, bro.
You know what I mean?
Now, if you want to make a change in your life, that's great.
I'm with it.
100%.
Awesome.
Like Nas.
Boom.
There you go.
Or if you just want to tell stories.
I get that right.
Yeah, Nas.
Yeah, thanks, man.
Nas, we call Nas.
But like, if you want to tell a story, look, you can do whatever the fuck you want to do.
Right.
I could also go, man, shut your fucking ass up.
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, I'm not sending orange juice all of a sudden.
If I start selling orange juice, it's going to seem like, come on, man.
Yeah.
You don't really know anything about this.
Exactly.
Especially if your whole life you're like, you, you're totally against fruit.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I don't care if you get proper nutrition or fucking beverages or not.
Yeah.
It's like, for example, if you're like, you rode so hard for New York and you like swore you would never leave New York, you know what I mean?
And then like a pandemic came and then you moved to Miami.
Like that type of person would be a hypocrite.
Yeah.
A piece of shit even.
And I might not even ever listen to what a guy like that would say.
Yeah, that'd be fucking flagrant.
Yeah, it would be super flagrant.
It would be super funny.
Like, what an asshole that guy would be.
You know what I mean?
Like, realistically, fucking scumbag.
Especially if he was like, yo, anybody who leaves right in New York right now is a fucking pussy.
I'm never leaving.
And even posted a meme from The Wolf of Wall Street about how I'm not leaving.
Like, if he did that type of thing.
Let me see if I see anybody like that in here, bro.
Let me see.
Are you?
Are you?
Nah, bro, I'm Hippocrates, man.
I tell you.
Dude, I like it.
Hey, you got, there's no, that's the thing about also, about all of this.
I think the listeners all recognize in the end, it's all just people.
You're just trying your best.
You're talking so much, you fucking gotta hit.
You gotta come against your own taste.
This idea that like we gotta be locked into the way we feel for the rest of our life, like, I know.
Nah, bro.
You, you, I'm a hypocrite.
We're all hypocrites.
If you say you're not a hypocrite, you're a fucking hypocrite.
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These guys don't F around gang.
We had a guy named Coincidence in our town, which is cool.
Yeah.
He used to work at the Bed Bath and Beyond.
You had a Bed Bath and Beyond?
Yeah.
It's a pretty bougie store.
Yeah, it was in Slot L, which was like the town near us by.
Dude, we used to go camp out at the mall.
We would go there, go to the mall, and then camp in a tent outside and go back in the next day.
Why?
Yeah, just to be at the mall, man.
The mall was sick.
The mall was good.
Did you enjoy your childhood?
I think I did in hindsight.
It was just scared.
I felt like it was scary because there was like a lot of dangerous kind of whites and dangerous blacks.
I felt like I was also like real scared.
So I think I was like scared of everything, you know?
But I was also like, you know, and I could do anything I wanted.
There was nobody keeping, you know, like, you know, I was supposed to drink milk and fucking be alive for like 15 years.
Like that was like kind of the fucking guidance.
No one took care of you.
Yeah.
There was just no like, like everything was like, yeah, it was just kind of like, nobody ever checked in to see what was going on.
It was just fucking, it was like somebody started me at the top of a hill.
Yeah, yeah.
I may check in with you sometime.
But in hindsight, it was fun, you know?
Yeah.
But we lived in a fun area, man.
We lived in a fun area.
You speak about it a lot, and I think in a way that's, I don't know, loving and like cherished.
But the stories can often be traumatizing.
But I don't know.
It seems like you're kind of happy with them.
Yeah.
I think for a long time I wasn't because I think they were traumatizing.
And then you've kind of dealt with them and accepted them.
Yeah, I just think as I grow older, I realize that, well, also, we need good stories.
There's not a lot of people out there telling stories anymore.
It's almost like in Hollywood, everything gets so like chopped down, I feel like a lot of times that they don't let you tell the good story or even the true story.
Like you can't tell a story like, and you can't tell a story a lot of even true stories about like race and stuff sometimes because they act like sometimes as a white person if you say the word black or if you say it or if you say something about like like two of my best black friends got killed by other black guys right yeah so i don't like that shit makes me mad right when i see a lot of stuff like first 48 and those type of shows where there's a lot of black on black crime and you see there's white people making money off the show i'm sure whoever if you follow the makers of the show yeah it's gonna
get a little money's not going back into the community it's not right right right it's not going into fucking memphis and let's just say memphis okay i mean i think memphis needs it and they're just going i hope someone gets murdered in this 48 hour period because that's what the show is there's a producer of that show that is going to work every week going i hope someone gets murdered jesus christ that's a tough way to make oh damn it's easter it's always slow around this time of year you know what i'm saying yeah dude groundhog's day we're gonna have another three weeks of winter or
whatever but i just like i feel like sometimes it's like if i say that man i feel like sometimes it's just it scares me how much black and black crime there is that people think that i'm against like like i want black people to live and prosper i don't it's not like i'm gonna then think it's a like that black people are bad does that make any sense yeah i think that the tricky thing with that is just like all crime is usually committed within the same race because most people just live around their race right so
i think the term to a lot of people is like well black and black crimes and white and white crime like white people are murdering white people like all these serial killers often are just murdering white chicks like you watch any of these documentaries just a white dude murdering white chicks that's not white and white crime that's easy too let's be honest dude dude was so easy where's the white dude murdering black chicks dude that that right there that right there would be hard to do tuskegee airmen you need like a sentence experiment you
need a plane you're gonna need a plane all these serial killers are pussy bro you just going after white chicks under the hood richard ramirez pussy ass motherfucker that's true these black chillers start fighting back and snuffing the dudes bro i got him i got him we got him they had this mic on my class growing up i could not breathe deep without this chick seeing me from across the fucking class like she just always had a beat on whatever i was doing i
think she thought i could maybe you know just end up being a crazy person or something so i just anytime i even like would be like i fucking noticed you fucking yet yeah we're not shooting up to school today theo no no no maybe black on black because maybe you just see more i mean maybe it's because there's shows like that you know yeah i don't know but i mean there's uh there's no doubt that there's black on black brown i don't think anybody denies that right but what i hate is or maybe it's maybe it could all be in my head but
it's like if i say that i feel sometimes like oh then people think i'm against black people it's like no no no i don't think that i want black people yeah i want i just want everybody yeah you know that there's a disproportionate amount of crime in that community and you just want that to stop right yeah or it just like bums me out and it seems almost like there's way more news or media attention to when like uh the police do something to a black person than when black people are affected within their own community it just seems that way because the media
is selling the the sexiest story like right now stop asian hate is the story and a few years ago it was anti-Muslim violence was the story right so anything happened to a Muslim that was the or slims we call them slims slims you know what I mean Riley you get a lot of Asian hate wherever you're from you get it I don't and we got a real Asian right here and what do you say about it um if somebody throws something at you that's hate right yeah what they throw at you no I'm just saying if
I'm trying to see what is Asian hate I know it's shootings that's easy yeah man it's tricky with the Asian hate though because the tough thing about Asians is like they're like Asians that are here way longer than maybe either of us like they've just been here forever but because they look Asian I think there are certain Americans that just don't see them as American you know just for whatever reason like I think the idea of America for a lot of people is white and
black even non-racist people they're just like white and black people that's what makes up Americans right and everybody else just kind of got to like pick a an identity or side so if you're Asian or if you're like Indian or you're what's another one I don't know some other one right You just got to go, how am I going to act?
Am I going to act kind of like culturally white or am I going to act culturally black?
Oh, that's true.
Well, I think, but, and also, some of it is just because those are our two kind of leading vibes in the country.
And they're the most prevalent, and they've been here the longest.
Right?
So everybody kind of try to figure out, I'm sure if we moved to China, I started day four.
Boom.
I will get a little bit Chinese.
Yes, I'll start to kind of, yeah, I'll do just little things that I see them do.
I start to move a little bit.
Yeah, first of all.
I start to do it.
I move quickly.
Yeah, dude, I'll do it every time.
I'll stick to shit on the sidewalk.
Fit in.
I'll cough into my fucking child's mouth so it doesn't get out into the air.
But they'll do that kind of stuff, bro.
The Chinese dog, let's be honest about the Chinese.
Like, that's one thing I don't like sometimes.
It's like, America, we have to make every moment in America acceptable for everyone in some magical fucking way.
Bro, you go to fucking, dude, I went to a bar.
I went to China.
They don't give up.
Bro, you die in China.
They make a fucking soup out of you.
They feed the fucking people.
People are hungry, bro.
And they cruise.
Shit moves on, dog.
Shit, I mean, and they'll do that in an eight-minute set, bro.
And that's just how they, they don't, it's not like life doesn't, I'm not saying it's, their lives aren't as important as anybody else, but life doesn't, the way we feel about life doesn't meet, it's not the same.
The individuals are important and everybody should care about us.
And there, the community is more important.
And the individual is not as valued.
And the individual serves the community.
I think the idea of the mask is not you're going to get me sick.
The idea of the mask is I'm sick.
I might get you sick.
And I don't want to be a burden on my community.
That's the Asian idea of the mask, which is pretty lit when you think about it.
But of course, when we see Asians with masks like five years ago, or three years before Corona, we're just like...
Yeah.
Michael Jackson fan.
Or we're just like, what are you trying to say?
Our heirs 30?
Right.
What are you trying to say?
We got disease.
Like, we saw it as an insult instead of them being considerate.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
And that's part of it.
It's just the vibe in America is like without me.
And we've had so much freedom.
Yeah.
We've had so, we have extra freedom.
Freedom is lit if you know what freedom is.
But if you never have freedom, you don't care.
Right.
You know what I'm saying?
Right.
Oh, yeah.
Like, you don't know what you're missing.
Exactly.
Like, I'm sure there's guys that do some like crazy sex move or whatever like that.
Right.
And like, once they know what it is, they love it.
Their girl loves it.
But like, I don't know what that is.
I don't know that.
So I don't know what the fuck I'm missing out.
So I'm good.
Yeah.
And I think that's what we think people in China are like, don't you miss this freedom?
You got to do whatever the government tells you.
And they're like, we never had freedom.
Yeah.
This is all we know.
And everybody around us gets the same shit.
So it's fine.
Yeah.
And it works.
It works.
And I wonder, start to wonder if maybe we're getting to the part of capitalism where things don't really work as cool as it once did.
Do you think about that sometimes?
Yeah, because like I wonder if like capitalism is just like your teenage years.
Right.
And then like because America's young.
Like that's what people got to realize.
This is a good podcast, man.
Let's realize this.
This is fun.
This is fun.
But like America's so young, bro.
Like Europeans, I think a lot of times they like judge us, right?
Europeans?
I think Europe.
Yeah, they got all the history.
They got all the ships.
But I'm telling like, that's why I said, I'm like, guys, one, we don't care because nobody cares about y'all.
But at the same time, like, you had thousands of years to develop your culture in ways.
Right.
We're figuring it out.
We just got money.
All of us, we're poor.
Everybody came from poverty.
Like, yeah, my dad probably came from a little money, but if you go to his dad or his dad, poor.
My mom, poor.
Right.
Everybody in America is a few generations or 99% of people are a few generations away from dirt poor.
Yeah.
So we got some money, so we're going to spend the money.
We flexing right now.
Except you see what the Slims are doing out there in the Middle East, right?
Molly Perka.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Building islands out of sand that look like fucking palms.
Sand pussies out of sand.
Sand pussies.
That's insane.
Sounds like a desk that somebody would say.
A bunch of sand pussies out there.
But you know, so like.
They're making them, yeah.
They're building snow out of fucking sand.
It's crazy what they're doing.
What they're doing.
They're making cold sand.
Oh, damn, they figured it out.
But you're right.
It's like, yeah, we're in this teenage years, but I wonder how does this shit end?
It goes to socialism.
I don't even like saying it because it sounds like some like Bernie shit or whatever.
Like, ooh, we got to give everybody money, blah, blah, blah.
But I think what happens is it becomes, like, Europe is a thousand years ahead of us.
Right.
And I think they're like, okay, in order for us not to have this crazy division, in order for us not to be killing everybody, in order for us not to everybody hate each other, we kind of need to spread the wealth in a way and provide health care in a way where everybody has a decent opportunity at success in this country.
I think that's what it eventually gravitates to because there's a reason every fucking country in Europe has the kind of similar socialist system and every country in Europe is a few thousand years old.
So I assume we don't have to force it now, but I assume we will slowly gravitate towards that.
And we kind of are already when you think about it.
But a lot of that is also rich people just hiding behind the government to make poor people feel okay.
Yeah.
Which is also okay.
Yeah, I don't know exactly what social media is.
I don't know the long-term effects of that, though.
Rich people hiding behind the government to make poor people feel okay.
What does that mean again?
I don't know.
Is that socialism?
I don't know exactly what socialism is.
I think it's just taxing a little bit more and like giving poor people a little bit more so they're not struggling.
Right, right, right.
And I think we're in a, yeah, like, and I think there's also going to be some disconnect.
I think we hate letting poor people struggle here because I think on the back of our heads, we're like, yo, we need to be able to do that.
We need more 30 for 30s.
There we go.
To be honest with you.
Yo, Europe got the trash of 30 for 30s, bro.
They should have had way better ones.
But they don't.
Their 30 for 30s was like Christopher Columbus.
Yeah.
That 3030s was lit.
Like, their 30 for 30s was like Joan of Arc.
You know what I mean?
If you go back a thousand years, bro, their 30 for 30s were lit.
Louis the fucking 13th threw them in like 14th, baby.
14th.
13th didn't do shit, dude.
13th had asthma and they killed him for it.
Out of here, bro.
Dude would have died.
Run up that hill.
You better show up with both bags working, baby.
You gave you a fucking one bag in it, dog.
They took that dude's life.
What was he doing that was so strenuous?
Who knows?
He's a king.
That's the best job to imagine.
Yo, well, you get me that?
Really?
Off the head with a head.
No, dude, you gotta fucking be able to finish the line, son.
You gotta be able to finish the line, dog.
You gotta be able to finish the line.
Off with the head.
That's right.
One breath.
Oh, yeah.
A single breath, bro.
Yeah.
Yeah, we don't want to.
Yeah.
Out of here, bro.
Yeah.
That was it, dog.
Dude, we should have a castle.
This is a fire ass 30 for 30 from back in the day.
We should have a castle.
I think we got some castles.
Yeah, that's castle.
But yo, once we got here, we were like, yo, castles are hard to build.
Like, fuck stone.
I think that's what America really broke away from Europe to do.
Just build shit out of wood.
Yeah, yeah, that's not a bad thought.
It's that stone shit.
It looks cool, but it's heavy, dog.
It's heavy, but then think about the manliness back then.
You know?
We soft now.
People got PVC pipe.
It used to be used to have to fill your mouth up and fucking put it in your next buddy's mouth.
You know what I'm saying?
Old school plumbing, bro.
You know what I'm talking about?
Speak for yourself, dog.
Soma's still out here, bro.
Kicking it old.
Whatever, dude.
When Soma's still out here.
You left you to sit.
You know what I'm saying?
You left you to sit.
I leave my traditions.
You know what I'm saying?
I got them down in my hand.
Respect, man.
Respect.
Let's pull up one more question, man, before we let this beautiful fella get off the hook, man.
What else we got here?
Fuck, I don't even know this guy's name, man.
Raleigh Mal.
Here comes a young fella right here.
What up, Theo?
What up, Schultz?
Gosh, got a quick question for you.
You know, you both are new to UFC and want to see which one of y'all superstars would win if y'all did a tag team match.
Theo and Dustin or Schultz and Israel?
Baby season.
I'll beat that baby's ass.
I'll say this, dude, and no offense, man.
Beautiful child, bro.
Dude, I'll tell you this.
Nobody picks being friends with better UFC fighters since you went back, bro.
You and me, man.
You can spot talent, bro.
There we go.
Okay.
Yo, we can really spot talent.
The loved fighters, dude, of all the fucking guys out there who look like they've been attacked by fucking dogs.
And we pick some fucking kings.
That's a great ass point, man.
It's a good point, man.
Yeah, I don't know with that one.
I mean, it's tough.
That one's tough, man, because, you know, Theo's got his superpowers, bro.
Like, if you go full rat king, it might be a short day of work.
You know what I mean?
Because we got rabies, baby.
You might gnaw on me.
You know, you might do something.
I just don't know how to combat that at all.
So you might take me out, but then Izzy might have an advantage over Dustin just because of the size.
So it might, it's tricky, bro.
It's a really tricky one, man.
Yeah, I think when you get into those type of guys and the size is big, I mean, look at Izzy versus Blockovich, you know?
The size, just when you don't think about the fact of somebody with 10 pounds laying on you, it's a lot of extra weight.
On their feet, the fight was even.
But the second he got him down, there's just nothing he could do.
And there's nothing you can do.
And it's like, that's why they have the weight divisions there, you know?
But kudos to, I mean, look.
That's where in boxing, you can get away with weight division stuff a little bit more because you can be tactical.
You don't got to hurt the guy.
You might not be able to hurt the guy in a higher weight class, but you can outbox him.
But when it comes to MMA, the weight, when you're laying on top of someone, there's only so much you could just lift off of you.
Right.
You know?
And especially when it gets strategic, like, you know, when people are strategically placing their weight.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's big, man.
And especially if you're new to having that weight, you know?
Yeah.
But.
What do you think about Dustin fighting Connor again?
It looks like that's going to happen.
Yeah.
It does look like it's going to happen.
I think it's a smart fight for Dustin, man.
I mean, obviously, you know, it's a smart fight for him.
I hope that the fight happens.
That's what I start to worry.
I start to, I mean, Dustin just works so hard.
He just deserves to have the rewards that he wants.
And I think he's starting to kind of like, it's interesting once you get to certain points in your career, you start to see some rewards.
What matters.
And also what some rewards matter to you at certain times.
I think I know where you're going with this, but go.
You know, I think sometimes you're like, okay, like when you're younger, you know.
Belt.
I need the belt.
I need the belt.
I want the trophy.
I deserve to be recognized.
We want recognition.
And then once you, I think you also get enough recognition and you get to a point where you see, okay, I also want to be rewarded and be able to take care of myself and my family.
And so I think it's, it's, um, and, and in the end, you start to realize everything's kind of a business.
It's also, it's kind of the, it's.
We get romance by that belt, bro.
And I've always been, I'm a helpless romantic, you know, I always, it's one thing I never liked about, sometimes about like going to Hollywood is you see behind the curtain.
Like I loved in the heat of the night because it was like, it was a TV show about like this community and it was real to me, man.
And Carol O'Connor was like the sheriff and he like cared about the, he cared about the convicts and about, and there was like race stuff going on, but everybody was trying their best.
It just like, it felt like a, but then you get there and I drive across my neighborhood and Carol O'Connor's fucking buried right there and his son apparently was doing heroin down the street.
It's just like, you know what I'm saying?
The curtain goes away.
And you start to see that things, a lot of things that we built, even the magic of things is a business.
So I think in some of it, you just keep the magic alive for yourself.
You have to keep that alive in your heart.
And I start to then wonder who could keep that magic alive in their heart better at this point in their careers out of Dustin and Connor.
And I believe that Dustin can do it better.
Because Connor, I mean, dude, he got to think, fuck, I got to get up and fucking sell liquor in two hours.
I think he's done.
I don't know if he fights again.
I think that would be the only inhibitor to a third fight is Connor willing to do it.
Because I don't know.
I mean, Dustin, I thought, beat him pretty easy.
I thought it was pretty easy.
And I think that it's an easy fight for Dustin again.
I don't know.
and listen, I don't think Connor has carried his power through the higher weight divisions.
Like when he was at 145, it was lights out.
Then 155, it was like, I need to hit you a few times.
Like, hey, man, will you shut the lights out?
Would you do me a favor?
Just wiggle a little bit, and then it'll go.
It's more of that weird Demer Switch thing where you're like, how do you get this off?
Never even goes all the way.
How do you get this to go off?
So I, but again, like you said, like, he's worth hundreds of millions of dollars.
The only reason he would do it, I think, would be for more money.
And yeah, go get your money.
I want these guys to make all the fucking money.
I'm just happy that it looks as if, I don't know him, but it looks as if Dustin went, what does that belt really mean?
Like, does the belt define me as a human being?
No, it's like a cool trinket to have in my career.
But you know what would be really cool if I was defined by like being able to take care of generations of my family by doing this mega fight and making tens of millions of dollars?
That would be a cool way to be defined by going like the Poiriers that are my kids and their kids and their kids are all going to nice private schools and our community is going to be helped out and his foundation is going to be like that is way better than a belt.
Now, he could beat Connor, then go fight the winner of the title fight that it's like Chandler versus Olivera, I think they're fighting.
Yeah, yeah.
And then he gets the belt.
Awesome.
But secure the bag, bro.
Like, secure the fucking bag.
I hope that.
That is what I, I want all these guys to make all it's a brutal way to make a living.
Yeah.
I want you all to make all the fucking money.
That's what I think too.
And I bet, honestly, a little bit, I bet it was a little bit of a tough decision for Dustin.
Because he still wants that hardware, right?
Him and Tony Ferguson were going to fight and they didn't reward.
It just wasn't, they didn't feel like they got being rewarded fairly.
Like he tries to, you know, he tries to be as fair and treat people as fair, you know?
So I bet it was a little fucking tough for him, but yeah, but I think as you get further along, look, dude, yeah.
Like you said.
Just let them fight for the belt, though.
I agree.
Just let them fight for the fucking belt, Dana.
Like, who cares?
I agree.
You make it a title fight.
You put it in a fucking Dallas Cowboys Stadium.
Like, who cares?
It's the first event that we get to see live.
Like, yeah.
I don't know why they didn't do that.
Look, but you're right, though.
The Poor EAs will be the rich EAs.
that is I get it that's what fucking used to ask it Being able to provide for yourself and your family is a very comforting feeling because as you get older, your families have issues.
Like your fucking parents start to get old, they need help.
You know what I mean?
Your brothers, your cousins, they need assistance in their life.
They go to fucking jail.
You know, they have some sort of like mental issues, whatever.
Like, you need some disposable income so you could fucking help these people out.
Yeah.
And unfortunately, Dustin, God, you're the one.
Like, sometimes God puts it on you for the family.
So that's another thing we have to realize.
Like, you know, when it's a blessing and a curse, you're like, oh, shit, you know, I'm the one that's going to have to finish college.
I'm the one that's going to have to do this or, you know, or, you know.
But yeah, man, it's awesome to see, man.
Both those fighters are awesome to see.
They're both totally different, Izzy and Dustin, but they're both uniquely, I think, beloved by people.
Yeah.
Great personalities, just great fun.
You know, I'm looking forward to Izzy coming back to middleweight because I just think he's going to, I think these middleweights now are going to have this renewed confidence because they saw him struggle for the first time.
And I think that the audience actually needs to believe that he's beatable because the fights were going to get uninteresting because he was so dominant.
Yeah.
I think they need to go, oh, they might have his number now.
Oh, try to wrestle him now.
And then he comes out there.
He just fucking destroys them all.
Yeah, watching him is just insane.
Him versus Darren Till is going to be, if they do that, just on social media is going to be so much fun.
I just got my first stripe the other day at Jiu-Jitsu.
Oh, are you doing Jiu-Jitsu?
Yeah.
I think I have two cracked ribs right now, which is one of the reasons I haven't been able to go this week.
But I just got my first stripe.
And you enjoy the exercise?
Yeah.
It's really fun.
Everybody who tries it loves it.
Yeah, I like it.
It's just tough on your body.
It's a little bit tough.
Really?
Yeah, they've been having me.
I've fought women.
I fought a guy who was legally blind last.
They got me fighting in the real, you know, it's not even a weight class.
It's almost like an emotional wellness group.
I'm like, what weight class am I in?
They're like, Jiu-Jitsu, bro.
Like, what weight class am I in?
They're like, you're over there behind the water fountain.
Okay.
So it's a unique group, man.
But dang, dude, I get to come down to Miami and be in pods.
Tell me when you're coming down, so I'll put it in.
I promise I'll come down.
I'll come down, let's do, I think, maybe first week of May.
Done.
Done.
First week of May, I'll come down.
Riley, do you have any questions for this gentleman?
I do not.
Thanks, Riley.
Thank you for talking, dude.
Appreciate it.
I'm telling you, Asian kids now, bro, it's a whole different ballgame.
I know everything, right?
No, that's nothing, dude.
Unbelievable.
What happened the other day you didn't know, Riley?
What was it on that episode?
You don't remember.
I don't remember.
It's all good.
Imagine an Asian person's name they don't remember.
Yeah, I know.
When is that happening?
That's bad.
He's an American, bro.
That's another thing.
Here's the thing that happens in America.
People come from another country.
Okay?
They're like, we all better, we're going to force these kids to learn Spanish so we can communicate with these newcomers.
The second generation of newcomers knows no fucking Spanish.
Yeah.
They get American real quick.
We flip people real quick, dude.
Not all.
We flip people.
We flip people real quick.
Real quick, son.
One generation, you American.
You guys are bad friends.
You want some?
Let's go.
I think we're good, you?
I'm great.
Hey, can we both do it at the same time?
Let's do it.
All right.
One, two, three.
We're bad friends.
Oh.
Okay, there we go.
Dude, Andrew Sultz, man.
Congratulations on all your success, man.
Yeah, you're an inspiration to a lot of us, man.
And I'm just really grateful that you came in today, man.
Thank you, man.
I mean that, man.
I love you, bro.
It's cool to see you, bro.
It's fucking fun.
You know what, man?
When I watch you, I'll say this, this is one thing that I do get.
I feel like I'm having fun.
And that's awesome.
All right, that makes me feel good.
That makes me feel good.
We're just trying to have fun out here, man.
I appreciate you, man.
You know, I love you.
Gang, bro.
Get it.
Peace.
Now, I'm just floating on the breeze.
And I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
I must be cornerstone.
Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this piece of mind.
I found I can feel it in my bones.
But it's gonna take a little time for me to set that parking break and let myself on wine shine that light on me.
I'll sit and tell you my story.
Shine on me.
And I will find a song.
I will stay here just for the runaway train with a heavy load of my past.
And these wheels that I've been riding on, they're once so thin that they're damn near gone.
