Theo discusses the new, gender-neutral Mr. Potato Head, getting mobbed by Nashvillians when walking with Kid Rock, a woman who found a kilo of cocaine in a thrift shop crochet set and the passing of his friend and fellow comedian, Erik Myers.
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slash theo for access to some insane deals all right good to be here today good to be with you alive we are living here in time and i got some sage actually a little bit of sage right here i just lit it they say it wards off the devil and
everybody anybody like that you know frankenstein everybody damn i lit that hot batch fam pg baby ptl you know it and this stuff when we didn't have uh marijuana we used to hit this shit pretty hard man i mean i i didn't get high but damn i'd be at peace i remember being at peace for all the entire uh seventh grade because of
that damn i can't get it to go out i'm gonna pour some of this liquid death on it that'll help there we go um good to be here good to be alive and shout out sage lanaker shout out sage laniker uh they had a man in our town when i was young you know i wasn't i was a child and and
there were people that were older and some of those were men and and this fellow sage this gentleman was uh he i guess had a if you he would sometimes he would torch some of his own body hair with a lighter uh you know maybe uh not a candle usually just a lighter and um and it had it would kind of purify the room it had the same audure as uh burning
actual sage so I remember sometime at a party you know if people wanted to kind of set the mood or if people wanted to get kind of Native American they'd torch a little bit of his arm hair or burn up into his armpit and really just pacify the crowd like that so praise God man oh what's up I'm alive isn't
it weird isn't it weird to just you wake up and you're just alive again you know but you keep going at it happy March that's one thing I can say to you and we are coming up on springtime and so it's a you know you can feel a COVID starting to disappear you can feel people having freedom and you know they're starting to have counties
around America that the they're open no masks you start to hear it it's happening I guess I don't know what to think but thinking doesn't usually get me anywhere anyway so maybe I shouldn't do it what I do know though is that you should be careful what you put in your body and for
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is matthew coziole runs in the family runs
in the family and some real strong lyrical component right there that's matthew coziole runs in the family can't wash the sin from the hands that made me can't outrun what runs in the family it's you know i was actually
thinking the other day which would shock many but um i wonder sometimes if we if like our dna has the pains of our ancestors in it you know just as much as you could have the ability of a you know say your great great grandpappy or
grandfather which is a way more appropriate name a great great grandpappy sound, it sounds like somebody who has no enamel in their mouth, you know, tongue only.
One of them TO bad boys, you know, kind of guy who will just inject damn nicotine right into his tongue and just chew on that bitch.
But I was saying, yeah, I wonder like our, you know, our DNA can carry, you know, if you have a child, it might have blue eyes or green eyes or red eyes or something based on what the parents have.
And I was just wondering, well, what if your, you know, what if your great-great-grandfather was, you know, something happened to him?
And does that get stored into your DNA almost like an undeveloped film?
And sometimes maybe it takes a generation or two for it to, you know, mature enough or dissipate enough and it affects you somehow.
You know, I wonder, like say if somebody tickled your great-great-grandmother, but she was in a coma or something.
You know, when she died, you know, she was in a crazy accident with something simple, like a hillside and a wagon wheel.
You know, there wasn't a lot of hopper of unique accidents back then.
So she would, you know, run away wagon wheel, knocked her down a hillside.
She was in a coma for two years.
And people would, you know, it's one of her nephews, her little cousins or somebody, an intern or some pervert or somebody would come in and tickle her at night.
Just kind of getting off on the fact that you could tickle a tickle the comatose without any recourse, without even hearing a giggle, but knowing that that tickle was getting stored into her body, into her frame, into the minutiae of her, you know, into the textiles, into the damn, just the fabric of her, whoever she was.
And then she died.
She died in the coma, which happened all the time.
I mean, when you were in a coma a long time ago, people really thought you were kind of hanging out with God, but your body was still here.
So they'd come and people would, you know, hey, give this to God.
Slip you a little note, you know.
Hey, give God, made God a little bit of apple cider.
They slip a jug under your limp arm, you know.
Hey, tell God I'm trying to do these new hats, you know.
They put a cap on you.
Then you're jugged up, you're capped up.
You got hidden giggles in your body because the night manager's been tickling you.
And then I just wonder if, you know, do you have a grandchild or a great-grandchild that just gets the giggles for no reason, you know?
Or, you know, I just wonder what the I just wonder sometimes, like, if the things I'm feeling or thinking are doing even,
or dreams that maybe a great-great-grandfather had or things that happened to them, or experiences, or fears, or I just wonder sometimes, like, um, you know, how much of that, how much of the experiences of our ancestors are in, locked into the DNA of us.
You know?
And even groups of people, you know, certain ethnicities and, you know, how much, how much of the travesty of some histories are locked into the people and it takes a while to dissipate and to fall off of their, you know, fall off of the core of their, of their being kind of deal.
I don't know.
I'm kind of rambling now, but what's going on?
I'm happy to be alive.
You know, I, what did I do?
Oh, we have Travis Tritt coming onto the podcast.
If you ever got an erection to a ballad during the 90s or 2000s, it could have been to a Travis Tritt song at a dance.
Dude, I remember, God, about after, I was always the kid at the dance who like got set up with somebody.
You know, and so you weren't, it wasn't like a little girlfriend, so it was just like, yeah, you know, okay, I'm with Emily or I'm with, you know, Larissa.
And you kind of, you were kind of excited, but you knew that they weren't like into you.
So, but you kind of hoped secretly.
You know, and I remember I'd go to the dance and you do it, you know, they had the obligatory, like, you had to kind of slow dance with your date.
But then after that, you could kind of freewheel it a little.
And I remember when some of the slow songs that would come on, man, I would get this, this one girl had like a damn, I want to say it was like a huge belly button.
Like, I mean, like a dang, just like a little bowl, like a belly bowl.
You know, just inverted.
And if you were, I was spry, you know, at a dance, man, I would get just, just, just springing bone.
I had that 35th rib, baby, just peeking right up out of the middle of my body, baby.
You know what I'm saying?
My freaking cock was just gyraphing around.
You know what I'm saying, baby.
You know what I'm saying to you.
You know, I was spry.
I was ready.
I was procreational.
I was just, you know, God had wound me up and let me go.
And I was looking to just spray out.
And sometimes I would dance with her.
And I remember she was like, I don't know if she didn't have any feeling in her stomach or anything, but you could like literally put your, just press your damn, just press your, just your fucking junk right up, just right up, just smash it.
And it was just like, wise men say only fools rush, but I care falling.
It was just a ballad would go on, you know.
And you were just, God.
Just like the world was thirsty for the sauce you had inside of your wiener.
That's what it felt like.
Like the world just was just, that's what it felt like being young.
It felt like the entire universe was constantly just sucking at your peepee.
But those were the days, man.
That is Runs in the Family by Matthew Kaziall.
What's happening?
What's going on?
I need to get some pants.
I don't like shopping.
I don't like it.
I don't like...
I've been wanting to get a blender for the past month, so I'm going to try to find a locale electronics dealership.
Go in there, test the models.
There'll be a guy in there like, hey, hey, I'm Ron.
Oh, yeah, that's smoothies.
Yeah, this was smoothies.
This one.
Oh, shit.
Oh, yeah, you got a newborn?
You're giving him peaches?
Oh, that's one.
That's one.
You know, and I'll listen to the bullshit for a bit before I say, look, Ron, I'll take it.
All right.
You just shut up.
Can you do it?
What I see, the original Mr. Potato Head.
They changed the name to just potato or something.
Let me see what it says.
The Mr. Potato Head article.
Yeah, it said, Mr. Potato Head is now just going to be potato head.
That's the thing.
A gender-neutral version of the toy.
They will be offering a gender-neutral version of the toy alongside the traditional.
Oh, so they're keeping the Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head.
And some people were upset about it.
I don't think the people were that upset about it, but they say online, which is basically a dangerous place to be if you like to have any peace in your life.
But I was thinking like, well, a potato, first of all, have male and female characteristics in it.
So you got to know they are self-pollinators, I had this article say, meaning that every individual potato plant possesses both male and female flowers for reproduction.
So a potato's already got that dual citizenship, you know, when it comes to crotch.
So yeah, why not?
Why not?
My question is, what kid still wants to play with a potato?
You can't get a kid excited by giving him a damn Potod anymore.
So that kid's not even mentally well, let's be honest.
That kid probably has a little bit hit of, give me a T, give me an I, give me an S, give me an M, baby Tism.
You know it.
And I grew up heavy in the autism world.
We had a kid at the end of our block, and he really, he had just nine different haircuts, man.
He just, he was kind of, just, I mean, from everything from cornrow to damn fade to military to damn, you know, he had that kind of action gospel cut.
They thought he could sing.
He couldn't sing.
He was mentally challenged, you know, and they put him on the front porch and he would sing ACDC lyrics and, you know, and just kind of cheer at the cars when they went by.
And I don't know what happened to him.
And I would probably guess death if I had to guess something.
I don't know if I would guess death, but I would draw out of a hat.
Say if there was a hat full of things that had happened to him and everybody had written on a card what happened to him.
I would draw a card out of there and I bet most of the cards would probably say deceased.
And bless him, bro.
Praise God.
But what am I shit?
I'm all over the place.
Yeah, what kid wants to play with a potato now?
Who cares?
I don't care if the potato dude, that's not a real Mr. Potato.
Mr. Potato is a man.
He's a grown man.
He got his feet out like that.
He got some mustache, glasses.
He kind of looks like he probably did a crime and now he's hiding.
You know, he looks a little Polish, but maybe also kind of urban, bruh, you know, kind of Afro-Polish, maybe, if you look at him, basically, you know, if he's that kind of Idaho kind of gold, you know.
But now if they want a potato that got, you know, both, you know, that's not a real, that's not Mr. Potato.
They got a new thing.
They got that dual crotch russet.
They got that dual crotch russet, fam, and that's chill.
Just say that.
Like, I think some of the articling is just to create a stir.
Just say, look, we got that DCR, baby.
All right, we got, you know what I'm saying?
Poppy mommy got that mix bag.
But what kid is still playing with a potato?
I don't know one kid you can get off his iPad long enough to even discuss a vegetable.
All kids want to know nowadays is, is Elon Musk their dad?
Is Elon Musk my dad?
And if the answer's no, then they don't, that's it.
The rest of their lives, they'll spend in therapy wishing he was.
That's it.
Is Elon Musk my dad?
They don't care what kind of fucking crotch the vegetable has.
If we want to do a toy where they get to discuss gender, let's do operation.
That way, let the kid build whoever they want.
This Bobby Sue right here, he got the titty and the root.
Party on, bruh.
You know?
Invite him to the freaking var mitzvah dog.
Let's do it.
But let the kid have a say-so in it, I think.
Let him have operation.
You got the mustache.
You got that freaking that wild oyster, bruh.
Let's do it.
That's what I say.
Just let the kid have a little bit of say-so in the thing.
Or just do Transformers.
If you're going to make something completely open, an open toy, do Transformers.
I mean, they're kind of asking for it.
But let the child have a say-so in it, I think.
Or do Teddy Ruxpens.
Dude, Teddy Ruxpin, he got the cord on the back.
Yeah, you know.
I want waffles, you know.
I thought I was supposed to be a bear.
You know, do Teddy Ruxpens.
He got the thing on the back, you know.
I won't you be my friend, you know.
My penis has ovaries.
I'm only five.
Who wants to see my menstrual cycle?
Let the animal or the kid have a say-so in it.
That's what I think.
But what also, what do I know?
I'm not a child.
If you see me shopping for toys for kids, though, that's an even bigger issue.
So when you see people shopping for toys for children and they don't have a children with them and it's December or it's and it's not December, we got way bigger issues than, you know, Gender.
Gender.
Gen. Genders.
Gen him.
Gen him.
Genders.
Genders.
Oh, man, I got to tell you this.
So I went, and first of all, I want to say this too, man.
I want to thank everybody.
You know, we had an episode last time, the Spill the Duntlands episode.
It was kind of, you know, it gets emotional sometimes, and that's just who I am.
You know, and I just want to thank people, just nice messages, and just people for just being willing to be a part of this just kind of conversations and things that I don't know.
I just want to say thanks.
You know, thanks for the support.
And thank you for the, just, just, just, it's not even thanks.
It's just like, look, let's do this.
You know, let's try not to be afraid to figure out where we are and what's going on.
You know, there's so many like little social rules about being alive and our behaviors.
And I just want to damn be alive, man.
I just want to know as much about whatever this is, this experience.
And a lot of you do too.
So thank you.
Oh, I got to tell you this.
That's not a commercial either.
I went out the other night.
So Travis Trit is a folk country.
I mean, just so many songs you may know or your parents may know.
So you got to peep that with your ears and your face.
It'll be out this weekend.
So anyway, after the show, after we chatted on the episode, we got to go out.
We went out.
And Kid Rock, Bob Ritchie, who is an adult man who, you know, I was thinking about what did I love about Kid Rock as a fan, as a listener.
And I just remember being, I remember being poor and white and thinking, he just was able to kind of express the, he was this rap like, I mean, it was, it wasn't country.
It was like rap rockabill.
I want to say rockabill.
I don't know.
I don't know enough about music to know the exact genre.
And I think it was kind of a new genre.
It was just this, it was something I could fit into, you know?
I mean, or something I could, it was just like, oh, here's a guy who just is, it's like a poor white guy who's who's who's angry and brash.
And I could just relate to a lot of that shit.
You know, because the world I grew up in, the environment that I sprouted through was a crass, it was crass.
And it was, but it was passionate and it was, I don't know.
Anyway, so living my life in a slow hell.
And when he did that slow one with Cheryl Crowe, come on, boy.
Come on.
And she would sing and you'd get kind of erect a little and then he would sing.
You'd have to fucking cover it up, you know?
God, I mean, that was just damn, that was a lot.
But anyway, so we went out to dinner, which was really neat.
And just to be in the presence of people that are telling stories you'll never get to hear.
And it was just really, it was a good time.
But anyway, afterwards, we went, we were out here in the Central East, and Kid Rock has an establishment.
Bob is his name, sorry.
Has an establishment.
And it's a domicile for liquor and music.
And so we walked over there from the restaurant we're at.
And dude, I've walked with some heroes, right?
Some unique humans.
I've walked with criminals.
I walked with a buddy of mine that killed somebody.
And he said it felt pretty good, honestly.
But anyway, so we're walking down the street and you start to, and so it's just drunk people, right?
It's like a French quarter type of vibe when you're walking down the street and you see people just start to notice Bob.
And they start to get, I mean, people are losing it, you know?
Some guy tried to spell out Bobbita, Bobbita, bang at a bang boogie.
He just tried to, he started spelling it out.
Like a police officer had said, all right, I need you to recite this.
You know, some girl threw her ovary at him.
Some girls running for him, ran right into a do not park here sign.
Icy.
Some dude crashed his car.
He's like, some fella drank his own blood, put a thing into his side of him, started just sipping on it, dude.
Just fucking.
I mean, people were losing their minds.
And he had like security, but it was just, I mean, people were just, some woman got down and proposed to her husband.
Every person, every like space he walked past, something insane would happen.
A window shattered.
A baby in a stroller, probably four months, got out of the stroller and just started walking, walked off.
His parents are sitting there kind of hugging.
He's like, I'm out of here.
I'm going to do my own thing.
I'm looking for my real dad, Elon Musk.
I mean, it was just crazy.
Fireworks.
A dove pulled a magician out of his hat.
He had a hat on.
He pulled a magician out.
The magician was wondering if he was getting his stimulus payment.
The bird flew off.
But every moment we went past, like people were kidding, rock.
A caterpillar admitted that he was just a cat and it was all just a ruse to meet women with the long, you know, trying to show them that length, show them that body work.
So it was just, you know, it was just a fact.
It was just, because look, I've ridden in cars and arrived at places with people with unique, with pomp and circumstance.
But to walk, not a mile, but walk 1 15th of a mile, not in someone's shoes, but near someone's shoes, it was just, it was, I don't know, it was just interesting.
You know, it just doesn't happen every day, and certainly not to me.
I'm going to tell you this, though, that if you are selling stuff online, which is a lot of people these days, you know, people say it's dangerous out there to have a brick-and-mortar business, you know, because of the COVID, people sneaking in, sneezing in your window.
Somebody cough or exhale on your merchandise.
It'll kill a grandmother.
That's what they're saying.
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Look, you know, I spoke a decent amount of Spanish over my life, but nothing that's really put me to that next level.
Nothing where I've ever made love to a woman or even anyone that was formerly a woman.
Because that's my thing, man.
If I was ever going to be gay, I'd have to at least say, hey, well, you was at least a woman once, right?
If you go full dude, bro, that's that might be too much, I think, for me.
For me.
But look, if you say, look, you were a chick for a couple years, right?
Then, you know, we can, you know, we can at least split a dessert.
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We also have new merch now available at Theovon.com.
Make sure to grab a Get That Hitter hoodie.
We got some neat colors.
We got some neat stuff coming out this year I'm excited about.
What else?
You know, we've had a lot of nice calls from you guys.
I wanted to make sure that I keep this going as well.
You know, we made a goal this year to help out some single moms and do some nice things.
So I want to continue that right now as I sip my liquid death.
This is water, too.
It's funny because if you look at the cane, you think it's a liquor beverage.
But that's water, baby.
Praise God, man.
But we want to continue that goal this year.
And see if we can't holler at somebody right here.
Hello?
Hey, is Karina there?
Yes, this is her.
Hey, Karina, my name is Theo.
I work on a podcast.
And I think you might have spoken with my producer, Nick.
I haven't.
Oh, you didn't?
No.
At least I don't remember.
Oh, that's okay.
Look, we've all done some things.
I'll tell you that.
You work as a corrections officer?
I do, sir.
Oh, nice.
And you have two kiddos, right?
I sure do.
I have two boys.
Oh, dang.
Boys are freaking dangerous, I think.
They are.
They're wild.
Are they?
Yeah.
Yeah, something's in them.
I don't know what's in them.
Me neither.
Can you tell me?
Look, I have no idea.
Well, someone called.
I'm sorry, I thought they'd maybe spoke to you.
Someone called and just, we do a thing.
I work on a podcast called This Past Weekend, and we just do a thing where, you know, I was raised by a single mom, and so sometimes we reach out to single moms and just try and do something nice.
So we just wanted to reach out and just offer you 500 bucks just to go do something fun with the kiddos whenever you feel like it.
So really?
Yeah.
And you don't have to do anything.
You don't owe us anything.
You know, that's it.
We just want you to go do something fun with those freaking deviants.
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
That's really amazing.
Thank you so much for that.
I really appreciate it.
Are they pretty violent?
No.
They're pretty calm kids.
Oh, dang.
Yeah, they're pretty calm kids.
Does it help being a corrections officer?
Does that kind of, like, if they see you in uniform, does that add like a little bit of extra edge?
I think so.
They tend to listen more.
I think I definitely would.
Look, if my mom said, I'm going to put you in timeout and she actually meant it, like incarcerated, I think I would really tighten up as well.
Yes, sir.
Absolutely.
Well, Karina, thanks for being a sweet mom.
And whoever, I don't even know who it was that nominated you.
I'm sorry.
I just don't have that information.
But yeah, they just said that this lady's really awesome and that, yeah, and that she would probably like to do something fun.
So I'll have my producer call you back and just circle up with you.
Okay.
All right.
That sounds great.
Thank you so much.
I thank you for what you're doing.
Oh, no worries.
Thank you for just even letting us chat on the phone.
And I hope you guys have fun.
And look, that money can be used for bail, too.
If those kids are real bad, it can be used for bail.
I put it towards that.
Okay, you guys.
Just in case.
You guys have a good one.
All right, you too, sir.
Bye-bye.
Corina.
That's a pretty name.
I was thinking if I could have a Spanish name, and I don't know if that's Spanish, but I'm going to guess that it is.
Corina?
What does it mean?
Let me look that up.
Corina.
Meaning.
Hmm.
Maiden.
That means maiden.
Corina.
Is it a Spanish name?
Nicarina's nickname.
Caro.
Latin word caras, which means beloved or dear.
Oh, that's sweet.
Dude, that would be wild, bro.
if your mom goes off to prison, dude, she would be able to handle you easy.
Can you even fathom that?
And imagine getting frisked before you go to bed.
That would be insane.
Spread them, you know.
You're like, I just brushed my teeth.
She says, spread them, but she just means your teeth.
She wants to see if you brushed them or not.
That'd be pretty funny.
The hotline, baby, praise God, baby, PTL.
Stay ready, bruh.
Praise God.
Hit in there.
The hotline, as always, is 985-664-9503.
I want to see what we got on the call.
See what happened, man.
See what's hitting.
Let's get into some of that.
Here we go.
Yo, what's up?
My name's Damon.
Calling you.
I live in Everett, Washington.
Dirty Damon up there outside of Everett.
And I'm sorry for calling you Damon, but sometimes with Damon, they say dirty Damon.
You know?
Like Claude, they say clean Claude.
But they don't say clean Damon.
Onward, brother.
23 years old.
I just had a quick question.
So I wanted to get your opinion on something.
My girlfriend and I have been trying to spice things up in the bedroom, you know?
Oh, yeah, brother.
Send pics.
Just joking.
Don't write an article about that, some creep.
Yeah, brother, I feel you, man.
Look, when I was 23, baby, doing sex was really, God.
I mean, I felt like I was just sunbathing on the Lord's front porch, bruh.
I mean, I just felt like my whole body fucking just was made out of damn just penis meat, man.
I was just so, you were just so excited and fired up.
God, remember that?
I remember somebody would just accidentally bump into me, and if she was cute, I'd damn, you know, I'd dampen that leg, baby.
You feel me onward, baby?
Let's hear more, brother.
Thank you for calling, man.
Praise God.
It's been a while.
We've been going at it for a while and time to try some new things.
So she suggested that we come up with different characters and act like we're cheating on each other.
But the problem is, is I'm not very good at this.
I mean, I come up with characters and I either break character or I just, I don't know, don't know what to say.
And I think it's been a while since I've been in the game.
You know, certain and trying to pick up girls isn't really strong.
But her, she's really good at it.
I mean, she's coming up with characters' names right off the bat, playing them really well.
And I don't know.
I just want to be able to give her what she's given me.
So if you've got any advice for me, I would love it.
Thanks for all you do, man.
Love the podcast.
Gang, gang.
See you later.
Bro.
Thank you, man.
And thank you for the call and for asking me.
I mean, that's, first of all, that's exciting.
You're involved in an exciting world where you guys are, you know, dressing up and doing different positions or something or whatever, you know, costume and all of that.
That's that booty Halloween when they said, let's get, you know, why don't you do this or do that?
And it's kind of the one time I feel like if you want to do, I wouldn't say if you want to kind of go a little brown face, you might be able to do it in that instance.
You know, if it's just you and your girl and you want to really kind of explore some sexual, you know, adventures, you know, you do something.
I'm not saying, you know, get racial, but I'm saying, you know, maybe some Ness Cafe or something on the cheeks, a little bit of, you know, I think you could go at least a mocha.
And, you know, my name is no Dante.
My name is, you know, you know, Corinthian or something.
You know, you could do like, you could do a role play like that.
So it kind of gives you a chance to learn about other cultures.
You could read up on some of, you know, a certain culture's history, a black history if you wanted to.
If you want to go black and, you know, just approach a girl.
Maybe you know everything we've been through, that kind of stuff.
And at least have like a, you know, put on some poetic justice or something in the background or like a save the last dance or something or dances with wolves.
I'm trying to think of like a good kind of racially movie that promotes like, you know, racial love, you know?
So that could be something.
You could do Swedish, you know.
Swedish is kind of easy.
You get a thing of milk, a pail of milk, and then you run over there and y'all kind of fuck a little.
But I'm trying to think of something you could do that would be more historical.
You could maybe do Native American, you know, and she's like a white woman and you, you know, sneak in or something, sneak in the window.
You know, you, you know, you don't attack, or you, you know, you leave her a note or something, says, I'm going to attack you.
You know, playing ahead, but you don't just, you know, not call for a couple days and then swing out of the damn cabinet.
You can't be like Indian in the cupboard.
You got to be, you know, Indian in the closet who left a note, but I would go full throttle because, if anything, the one thing it's going to do, this whole thing is just going to create comfortability.
So many guys would love for their wife or their fiancé, their French wife or whatever, to do a wig, to do a, you know, that crotch wig, that strap on, or probably not that, but they would love for their wife to do something unique, but they're afraid to say it.
They're just afraid to say, hey, honey, put on the green wig.
Borrow Wanda's fucking wig.
So for seven seconds of my life, it could feel, you know, I could feel that vibe.
Like I'm getting up in that UFO.
You feel me?
Praise God, man.
But also, you could.
What am I thinking about?
I'm just saying, if you're starting to create communication, dude, that's fire.
Because then you guys are going to be able to do anything.
So many of us are just afraid to talk and say this or say that.
We're afraid of the judgment or what they're going to think or they're going to tell people.
But man, to live outside of that fear and to dress up like the damn, you know, like Saving Private Ryan or whatever.
Or to, you know, dress up like damn Jean-Claude Van Damme, you and your girl dress up like karate men or something, you know, and just kick each other till you ejaculate.
You know, there's just, you got to think big picture, fam.
So, but thank you for that call, man.
I really appreciate it, man.
Let's see what else we got here.
Hey, what's up, Theo?
You got Seth out of Central Pennsylvania here.
Seth out of Central PA, baby.
And that's Amish Country, man.
That's a good place to get that, you know, a strong batch of milk and a little bit of peeping timing.
Let's hear more.
Just finished up watching this past weekend, number 322.
I noticed, you know, a good part of that you were going in about, you know, how you're having a hard time really getting intimate with other people and loving other people, you know, on that deeper level, man.
And I find I. Oh, yeah.
I mean, when it comes to connection for me, it's man, it's often it's in the shallow end of the pool, it feels like.
Especially when it comes in intimacy.
I'll be in three feet at the Hampton Inn, dog, you know?
Praise God.
Maybe let's hear more daddy face first, baby.
I struggle with that a lot as well.
And I feel like a lot of that comes down to, you know, like it's hard for me to trust myself sometimes, man.
And I have, you know, I make a lot of progress in my life.
You know, I'm doing well.
You know, I provide for myself.
I'm doing things that make me happy.
But, you know, at the end of the day, I just find it very difficult for me to trust myself in a lot of things.
And I feel like you can relate to that to some extent.
So I guess the question I have for you is, you know, what do you do in your own life?
Or rather, what could you do in your own life to build a better relationship with yourself so you can trust yourself in whatever situation, no matter how bad it gets?
I got you, brother.
Much love, gang, gang.
Gang player.
Gang, man, thank you for taking the time to call, man.
Yeah, trust in yourself, man.
As you're talking, I'm thinking, one thing I do sometimes that doesn't help me, I set a lot of boundary.
You know, I set a lot of boundary, man, like a, I mean, just like a fence worker.
I set a lot of strange rules.
Like, I'll go for a run, and at the end, I'm like, all right, man, running every day now.
Next 30 days.
We're going to do it.
We're going to do it.
I'll reach into a tree and just grab a raccoon out of it and just choke it out.
Did you hear me?
Stripes forget.
So then now I got this rule in my, I got to run for the next 30 days.
Then I forget that I have that plan.
The next day comes, I don't run, but my brain will remind me, man, you didn't run.
Hey, hey, hey.
It waits till I literally lay down.
Hey, you didn't run, did you?
Or all day to be like, hey, when are you going to run?
When are you going to run, huh?
Day two, day two.
So I'll let myself down, but it's just because I make all these rules.
It'd be everything.
I'll bite into a tomato.
It's like, oh, salad only, 30 days.
Salad only.
Jesus.
The next morning, I wake up and I have a waffle, you know.
And there's two in a little pack, but I only have one, but still.
My brain's like, oh man, no, it's too much for salad only.
I guess I'll just be a glutton and just probably die early.
So anyway, I start to not trust myself because I constantly make these different rules for myself that are impossible to live up to.
The number I make of them are important.
There's no...
So when I do that, then I start to not trust myself because I've made so many little rules That I've broken.
But I never stop making the rules, so there's no way I could do it.
Let me hear a little bit more again about what you asked so I can be clear.
I'm that deeper lovely man, and I find I, you know, I struggle with that a lot as well.
And I feel like a lot of that comes down to, you know, like it's hard for me to trust myself sometimes, man.
And I have, you know, I make a lot of progress in my life.
You know, I'm doing well.
You know, I provide for myself.
I'm doing things that make me happy.
So another place where I have some issues about trusting myself is, you know, when like I will find this, I'll call like a lot of my friends in recovery.
And one thing that's interesting about people in recovery or who have ever been in recovery or spent time in it, once somebody, you connect with that person, you connect with them on a level.
It's a real level.
It's different than the other video game levels you're on with regular humans.
This is you straight to Bowser.
You know.
So it's, there's just a real connection.
So I will call a lot of my friends in recovery.
I will just say, hey, man, am I okay?
Is everything okay?
You know, just tell me everything's okay, please.
I'll do that, man.
I'll do it three times a week.
Hey, man, I'm okay, right?
I mean, out of the blue.
Hey, Alan, what's up, man?
Hey, Dickie, how are you, dog?
Yeah, I'm all, dude.
I just, I'm okay, aren't I?
So it's hard.
I never had, I just didn't have, and I'm not complaining.
I'm not like upset.
You know, sometimes I get a little perturbed, but when I was young or whatever happened, I don't know.
I just, there was never a voice saying, everything's okay.
Everything's going to be okay.
You're okay.
You're fine.
We're fine.
Everything's going to be fine.
There was a lot of other commotion where things I didn't know if they were going to be fine.
So then still to this day, that's like there's always still this invisible commotion going around all the time.
You know.
So it's hard for me to then trust myself a lot of times because I don't even know that everything's okay.
So if I go for two or three days without hearing, man, it's okay.
It's like, damn.
I start to just not trust myself because like, well, how could I can't make any more decisions right now?
I don't even know if everything's okay.
So I don't know if that makes any sense, bro, but it's also hard to trust yourself when you don't even, you feel like you don't know yourself.
You know, a lot of those spaces make it so hard to make decisions from.
Like, man, if I do this, am I going to be okay?
While other people are just doing this, doing that, doing Coke, juggling, not no concerns.
Just totally fucking ripping.
Full sin, confidence.
But one of the byproducts of that is that you think, sometimes thinking a lot is helpful.
It's nice.
Your brain can be really kind of thoughtful at times because you think a lot.
So, and it gets better as you get a little bit older, Daddy.
I promise you that.
But the shit can be intense.
I think the one cure for it is something I haven't enacted very well in my life, and I do believe that it's meditation.
But also, what do I know, bro?
You know what I'm saying?
I'm just a semi-white fam.
Praise God, dog.
And R.I.P.
Billy Conforto, man.
You know, I got a couple of messages about him the other day.
And we're going to try to get that bench put up over there near Laplace, Louisiana in his hometown where he hit that final inbank and called it quits and got drafted in the first round by God.
Let me see in the notes anything else I wanted to make sure I got to.
Oh, if you know a single mom that could use some support, try not to tell her so we can make it a surprise.
You know, I was raised by a single mother.
I know that it's tough.
I know that money doesn't solve any problems.
But I just think sometimes money's just energy.
It's just saying, here's some energy that came my way.
Let's put it your way.
So just when I think about a mom having just a little extra spending money to do something nice for her kiddos, I imagine that makes moms feel real good.
You know, there's something I've never seen this because I don't have any children, but you see a parent and they just see, and when their kid is having fun, you see they just, it's almost like they're the remote control and they put in the right codes or whatever.
And now they're just watching it play out well or something.
So yeah, that's really some of the goal.
It's not to really think we're neat or anything.
It's just to try and do some little, you know, what can we do so them little boys have an extra fun day and they don't have to know it has anything to do with that.
They don't know us.
Them boys ain't podcasting.
They fucking looking for the devil.
So, but if you know one, hit the hotline, 985-664-9503.
We also want to continue our series of interviews with real, hardworking people with interesting occupations.
We're currently searching for a Catholic nun or Baptist nun, even.
I went to Last Baptist over there off of Jefferson.
A pest control or animal control worker.
And an Amish or Mennonite.
If any of our listeners know someone they think would be perfect for the podcast, fill out a contact form at theovon.com or hit up the voicemail hotline.
And thank you guys so much for just being a part of our lives, man.
What else?
Oh, a Seattle woman finds a kilo of cocaine in crochet kit she bought at thrift shop.
So Seattle woman finds one kilo of cocaine in a croquet croquet crochet kit at thrift shop.
That kilo, damn dog at a crochet shop, boy.
Call me kilo and stitch, fam.
Knit me up that gator tail, baby.
We making booty movies, son.
Come on.
That albino giraffe neck daddy, you feel me?
That dustback lizard, fam.
That chunchy, that Colombian bam, bam.
Feliz Navi, damn.
Call me the power company, cause I'm if you find a kilo of cocaine with some knitting stuff, freaking sew me up a gram, mama.
Okay?
Knit me that hit.
Crochet me that yay, boy.
I'm talking about knit that hit.
Crochet that yay, you feel me?
Sew me up a pile of toot, boo-boo.
All right, I'm talking about that Scottish Airlines at Hollywood breakfast, baby.
Damn.
I need to go to Goodwill, boy.
Who's your dealer?
Goodwill?
Damn.
The woman purchased the kit to crochet animal hats.
Animal hats, bitch.
Dude, I'll be fucking doing that rhino, you dog.
That fucking white nose, baby.
You feel me?
Let's go.
But when the crochet hobbyist opened the kit, she found a suspicious package that was encased in yellow rubber with 100% written on it.
The item also gave off an odd odor.
Odd odor, baby, that ain't an odd odor.
That's that god otter, baby.
And that thing's trying to swim up your snout, boo-boo.
Come on.
Police did not say how the crochet kit and narcotics ended up at the thrift shop.
Well, look, unfortunately, in America, a lot of these workers, they're under tight schedules.
And you know what I'm saying, bro.
Freaking toot me up a scarf, baby.
Wolf me up a damn freaking set of mittens, son.
You know, it's just, you know, desparate times require desparate measures, baby.
And that's it.
People doing toot just to get through a damn Afghan, brother.
You know, haven't women been through enough, man?
Praise God, bruh.
Damn.
So lucky, man.
I never found nothing like that.
I remember once we got a baby crib for my cousin, and they had a house arrest bracelet in it.
So, but nothing like this.
I mean, this is just, dang.
Just lucky.
Just lucky, man.
We can't all be winners.
You know that.
Come on.
What else do we have going on here?
Let me see.
Let's do one more call that came in, man.
Hey, Theo, it's your guy Flynn out in San Antonio.
What's up, Flynn?
Named after Errol Flynn, I'm guessing.
And Errol Flynn played, I think he was Robin Hood in the 1900s.
Let's hear more.
I'm just taking a walk with my dog.
It's a frigid 30 degrees.
We're getting a little bit of sleet out here.
That wannabe snow kind of thing.
Oh, yeah.
Well, look, the real snow, obviously, is at the damn thrift shop, son.
You know what I'm saying, bro?
Gang, onward, brother.
Thanks for calling.
And I was just hearing you talking about how you didn't want to let us down.
You know, you have some viewers who are in programs or doing rehab or staying sober, trying to stay sober.
And you feel like you don't want to let them down.
Yeah, man.
Yeah, we touched on that on the last solo episode about drinking and yeah, like having a response, not a responsibility, but yeah, just feeling hard to share and maybe some responsibility onward.
By kind of coming on with your own failures, your own woes.
And I just wanted to say, man, that you don't have to worry about that.
We're all here for you.
You're here for us.
It's a little family we got going on here.
I have anxiety.
I have Tourette's.
I have ADHD, you name it, any of the acronyms.
I probably got it.
You know what I mean?
But we're all out here doing the best we can with what we got.
And I wouldn't fault yourself for cutting back or slacking on your sobriety as long as you realize that where you want to be and where you're going and how that intersects with what you got going on now.
So just keep pushing towards that positive future.
Keep being you and keep keeping us in the loop.
Thanks for everything, man.
Have a good one.
Thanks, man.
Yeah, I appreciate that, man.
I appreciate the sentiment and the call and the support.
Um...
Yeah, I just want to do my best to just be as I just want to do my best to say, to kind of say what's going on.
You know, I want to be able to work from a place of that's kind of as not as like real as I can be, just like as up-to-date as I can be.
And I don't know.
But thank you for saying that, man.
That's nice of you to say.
And I appreciate it.
Yeah, it's a lot of people's, you know, it's just a lot of this kind of stuff is a journey.
You know, it's just scary, man.
It's so scary when you see the kind of stuff that can happen when people really struggle.
And I don't know.
I've never thought that I've had problems with alcohol ever.
But, yeah, it's just that risk of getting too far.
You know, next thing you know, you wolf in Toot and you in a damn electric chair or something.
Or just a regular chair.
Hell.
Either way, you still just wolfed out on that freaking Jack London, bro, you know.
And it's just, yeah, you see people that get to a wild, you know, it's just, I don't know.
I had a friend that died the other day of an overdose, and that's scary to hear.
You know, it's just scary to hear.
And it's just so final.
And you wonder, like, if you stay in the best way you can be, what little, you know, are you more, are you sober enough then where you make an extra call to a friend?
And you don't save their life or nothing, but you just, you're one little more little moment that keeps them, because I get those moments from people.
People, hey, man, you know, a buddy will call and just check in.
Hey, man, I'm just calling to let you know this.
Or just those little things that like, just get your day into a better space, you know, and just those little pieces that make you feel like people care.
You know, it's, and I think a lot of it is we do a lot of our caring now on social media.
So it's not care that people really feel or hear or it's so it doesn't have that residual effect, I feel like, as it used to, kind of.
But what do I know?
But what I do know is I appreciate your call, man, and that's nice of you to even think of me and to think to call.
You know, yeah, I was kind of scared to talk about it, but it was scareder to be in a, but also I didn't want to be in a place where I was kind of not living a lie.
I didn't feel like I was living a lie.
I just felt like I just wanted to try and be just transparent.
What else do we got here, man?
Here we take this.
What's up, the yo-yo little dust bear?
Amen.
What's up?
This is Brady calling.
I just moved to Salt Lake from Colorado a few months ago.
And it's the first time I've been living by myself.
It's been hard, to say the least.
Oh, yeah.
Living by yourself is tricky, man.
Because you'll get pissed somebody left the dishes in the sink, but it's always you who did it.
So.
But I've been really struggling with my sobriety.
And especially with COVID, you know, it's like it's really hard to find meetings.
And going to these online meetings isn't the same at all.
So I was just looking for some tips, you know, how do I cope with my alcoholism without being able to go to real-life meetings, man?
I don't know.
I'm struggling.
I've just been drinking a lot.
I know it's not the right thing to do, but it's easier said than done, you know what I'm saying?
Anyway, I don't want to be a Debbie Downer, but I love your podcast.
Thanks, Brady.
I appreciate it, man.
You're not a Debbie Downer, dog.
I mean, you just, we do what we can, you know?
Just like the fella that just called in here, man.
You know?
We just do what we can.
You call somebody else.
You check on them.
I cannot believe sometimes that there hasn't been more of an outrage from the recovery community to reinstate meetings in person.
You don't have to agree with me, but it is baffling to me the number of, it's baffling to me the connection that is created through in-person meetings and how that is not just like a top story almost every day of how we are missing that throughout this pandemic.
And I wonder how many more people we've lost to addiction and some of the byproducts of that.
And I would bet it rivals.
I would bet it rivals.
I'll tell you this.
This is a true statement.
I personally know more people that have overdosed or relapsed and lost their life in the past year than I do people that have lost their life from COVID.
That's facts.
Personally, no, personally, I have four friends that have lost their life in the past year from drug and alcohol relapsing or use, overdosing.
I know one person who had COVID when they died.
That's just me.
So I don't know.
But anyway, man, I didn't mean to get away from what you're asking for, Brady, or what you're asking about.
We just stick together, man.
Look, I don't want those Zoom meetings either.
They fucking suck.
But they also suck if I say that they suck.
They also, everything sucks if I say that it sucks.
So some of it I have to try and put on me.
I got to find a local guy to spend time with, you know?
I got to have other people to check in with.
And I need to check in with others.
You know, a lot of times be like, I'm going to call this person.
My brain will be like, oh, they'll be calling.
I'll be like, don't answer it, dude.
Just do your own shit.
Nah.
Answer it.
You know, answer it.
You know, we lost a comedian about a week ago.
And I don't want to talk out of school, but he struggled, man.
This guy struggled at a level that was, man, he struggled.
I think he was the, he was one of the two funniest people I'd ever seen on stage kill a crowd.
Were him and Joey Diaz.
Kill a crowd.
Actually, I'll add in.
I'll add in Crystalia and I'll add in Earthquake.
Kill.
Really kill a crowd.
And his name is Eric Myers and he and I just say this because I just want his name to be said and I want it to be heard.
And he died in Texas a week ago.
He apparently relapsed and was walking on the freeway or the interstate late at night and was hit by a vehicle.
A van, actually.
Jesus.
Getting hit by a car sounds way.
Or getting hit by a van.
Both sound bad.
Actually, car sounds worse, I think, than van.
Because van, like, it's all, you know, one point of kind of, but, uh.
You know, he was supposed to come on here a couple months ago.
He was in Memphis, five weeks ago, maybe.
He was in Memphis, and we were messaging, and he was going to come here to be a guest on the podcast.
And I said, oh, don't come, man.
Like, it's just, I felt bad.
He was going to have to come, you know, four hours or something.
I think he was taking the bus.
And I just said, we'll do it later.
We'll do it when I'm down near you in Florida where he lived.
And it just bones me out.
Like I just, I, I don't know.
Maybe if I had been in a space where I was just more like, yes, yes, saying yes to things, you know, or just maybe if my spirits have been higher that day.
Not that I would have saved him or done anything, but we just would have had a time.
You know, he just, maybe there would have been one extra moment of somebody saying, yes.
I care, you know, welcome.
Come in, you know, be a part of.
So, man, he struggled, man.
He has so many hilarious stories.
I hope to one day get someone in here who knows a lot of the stories of Eric Myers.
He had a unique voice.
Hollywood missed him.
They missed him.
He was just, I mean, he was from another planet.
I would see him in Baton Rouge.
We would work together.
We worked together down in Florida at Captain Bryan's off the hook.
And you got to do comedy and they're doing cracking their fucking oysters and slaughtering octopus or octopi right next to you.
You fucking telling a joke and they're fucking telling an octopus his last rites, you know.
They're over there electric chairing clams and you trying to rattle off a riddle, you know.
And we had to switch each time and one of us would go first, one of us would go second.
I did not want to go second.
I did not want to go second because that means I had to go after him.
And he came down in Baton Rouge once and I would see him in Texas.
Anyway, he's just really talented.
That's why I'm just kind of rambling and just kind of lamenting at the same time.
But I hope you go check out his stuff.
He has a special on YouTube that was, I think, shot at the Laugh Factory or somewhere.
But man, he was so good.
But man, he battled with the devil.
I mean, he just had it inside of him.
So, anyway, sorry to be such a downer.
Look, I'm sorry to be the downer here.
But Brady, how do I stay?
I just, the only thing that I know, which hasn't always kept me sober, but it has kept me alive, is that I try to communicate with others.
And contrary action, when you don't feel like doing something, do it.
When you don't do it, that's the thing.
You'll surprise yourself and you'll realize how much you're capable of.
I'm not trying to preject you, man.
I love you, bro.
And keep your head up, dog.
And um praise God, man.
Gang shit.
Um all right.
I think we got to the end of this episode pretty decently.
We made it anyway, that's important.
And we'll close out on this.
Thank you guys as always.
You know, and if you're struggling to keep your head up and be good to yourself, be good to someone else.
Just don't feel alone.
You know.
But yeah, the separation that this whole thing has caused.
It's a lot.
It's a lot, man.
So if you know somebody that struggles, go spend some time with them.
Give them that extra call.
A little thing that's I'm thinking of you.
And, you know, make a plan with them.
Anyway, y'all be good to yourselves, man.
We'll go out on Matthew Kasiol runs in the family.
We'll be right back.
It's out of my hands and in my blood.
It's red in a letter, and I can't pay up.
It's about to make you watch in the mud.
Can't save my soul, so let the valley flood I wear the cloth that I'm cut from It's just a matter of time There ain't no stopping the seven sun Can't watch the sin from the hairs that made me care Now
run with runs in the family Runs in the family Yeah man hit her right here baby I ain't gonna die with it, baby.
