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Feb. 28, 2021 - This Past Weekend - Theo Von
01:57:58
E325 Bryan Callen

Theo sits down with his friend Bryan Callen to talk about dualism, what Bryan did during his hiatus, and what they like about each other besides hair and comedy. https://bit.ly/theo-von Follow Bryanhttps://instagram.com/bryancallen This episode is brought to you by: Hood Hat: https://hoodhat.com and use code THEO20 for 20% off Modiphy: https://modiphy.com/theo  Liquid Death: https://liquiddeath.com    Music:“Shine” - Bishop Gunnhttp://bit.ly/Shine_BishopGunn   Hit the Hotline985-664-9503   Video Hotline for TheoUpload here: http://bit.ly/TPW_VideoHotline   Find Theo:Website: https://theovon.comInstagram: https://instagram.com/theovonFacebook: https://facebook.com/theovonFacebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/thispastweekendTwitter: https://twitter.com/theovonYouTube: https://youtube.com/theovonClips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiEKV_MOhwZ7OEcgFyLKilw   Producer: Nick Davis https://instagram.com/realnickdavis   Producer: Sean Dugan https://www.instagram.com/SeanDugan/ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Time Text
Today's guest is a man who first had me on a podcast as a human.
And he is one half of a member of Fighter and the Kids.
He is an actor, an entertainer, and a knowledgeable man.
Today's guest is comedian Brian Callens.
For me to set that parking brake and let myself unwind.
Shine that light on me.
I'll sit and tell you my stories.
Shine on me.
And I will find a song I've been singing.
Yeah, just go.
And now this isn't time for me.
I wouldn't do it like on an, I wouldn't fuck Tim Welch up regularly.
It would be like to be a special occasion.
Yeah.
Tim will grab you, though.
Let him grab, man.
He's got a bag of tricks on him.
That's why I've been getting lean, bro.
Is that right?
Yeah.
Less to grab, bro.
You want to get me?
better get me by an organ.
Because they can't It's like trying to grab a dolphin or something.
Oh, yeah, it's like trying to grab...
It's like trying to grab.
it's time to grab the top of a cave, like an old cave, or a piece of marble that's been tread upon for many, many years.
Yeah.
That's true.
Sometimes when you go in the...
No way.
Yes.
So that's when you know.
Or steps.
You can walk in.
Oh, yeah.
There's some steps, dude, in the old country.
And there's an indent.
The marble has been worn away from where people have walked.
My friend lives in a villa like that.
Is he rich?
In Roveretto.
Or Trentino.
In the north of Italy.
Jesus.
He used to be rich.
I'll sprain my neck even saying that.
I know, the way they say it.
Rovereto, Trentino.
Oh.
Dude, by the time they're done saying it, I'm freaking nude, huh?
Are we rolling?
Yeah, man.
Nice.
And I'm not saying that I would take Tim Welch.
I want to.
Well, that's what you said, though.
You said, I'll take Tim Welch.
I think that's exactly what you said.
So I'd like to...
Yeah, now I rolled with him.
And when I say rolled with him, we did a little flow grappling, a little light flow grappling.
Okay, on the ground or on the feet only?
Just on the feet and the ground.
Feet on the ground.
We go feet and ground.
We go feet and ground.
And then sometimes I go in the air if I'm doing kung fu.
And he's a gorilla.
Now, he's a gorilla.
That's a different kind of strength.
That's a man who hasn't stopped training and fighting forever.
Well, he likes to sit.
I know he has that.
Like a lot of gorilla.
You'll see the rangutans, they will play in the trees.
They'll be milling around.
Orangutan.
Yeah, orangutan.
He's person of the forest.
Trading a dookie with another one.
But you'll see the gorilla is always sitting there, and he just gets into some big beefy.
He's like a man rangutan, isn't he?
He really is.
Yeah.
Because he's a ginger.
Yeah.
Yeah, he's one of the rare ranga gingers.
He's a ranga ginger.
What do they call him in Australia?
They call him gingers.
Gangers?
I don't think they're Australia.
Ginger.
Instead of ginger, if you pronounce it, ganger.
Oh, really?
A ginger?
Gengas.
Yeah, these gangers.
Yeah, he's a different kind of ginger, though.
There's a brown one.
I'm not saying I will take him.
I meant I will take him somewhere if he needs a ride.
That's what I meant.
I meant I will Uber for Tim Watch.
Look at him, though.
Wow.
No, Tim, Timmo, Timmo.
And so will Sean.
Sean O'Malley, it's so funny because he fights at 135 and I'm 170 and obviously he'd knock me out right now.
Yeah, he'd be like, all right, let's go up.
And God forbid you try to roll with him because he'd do something, like get you in an ankle lock or whatever.
How do you want to lose?
You want to fight Sugar Sean O'Malley?
You and I have to fight Sugar O'Malley.
How do you want to lose?
The question is, Theo Bryant, how do you want to lose?
How do you want to lose?
Do you want an ankle lock?
Do you want to get knocked out?
Just tell.
I think you got to get him in that hard scarf, baby.
That's the only way to go.
Well, yeah.
But I know, look, there's rumors out there about Sugar Sean's that he can kick you and play Beethoven on your ribs with his toes at the same time.
Yes, he can.
Like, there's just the level of speed that he has.
He's got an ass on him.
See if you can bring up Sugar Sean O'Malley's ass.
He's got a tailpiece.
Does he?
Yeah, he's a thin guy.
He likes to wear tight pants, as well he should.
And he's got an ass.
My girlfriend was like, he's got an ass on him.
Really?
Yeah, she was.
How can you even have an ass at 135?
You got to really get to 140 to even have that ass.
Well, he walks around probably at 155, 160.
That's a good point.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, I hope his, he had a tarsal issue, I think.
So hopefully his tarsals are tight now.
I hate having a tarsal issue.
I mean, we don't.
I believe you, but you know what?
I feel like I notice if somebody has an ass and I don't.
And there he is fighting Josh Brolin right there.
Yes, he did.
And Josh beat him up.
Oh, yeah, I know.
I can see that.
But Josh is from a different era.
He's from like the Mesoloic dog.
He's from old school.
I had a bunch of stuntmen talking about, they worked on Old Boy, I think it's called, that remake of that Korean movie.
Oh, the Japanese movie.
Yeah, Korean movie.
Well, come on.
We know what you're saying.
Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.
Yeah.
And they all, the stuntmen, said, that guy's very strong.
Who Brolin?
Yeah, he's a bull.
Like, he was able to do a lot of his own stunts.
They were actually shocked at how strong he was.
Oh, I shook his hand before, and it's like, you know, when you get up to like a door and it's locked?
Yeah.
It's the same type of thing.
Yeah.
Like, uh-oh, you can't really do much.
I shook a guy named Rich Incognito's hand.
He plays a defensive tackle or offensive tackle.
Yeah, he called out that gay, the other gentleman who he got an argument with Larry Tunsell or whatever.
I think that was gay.
Yeah, he got in trouble for bullying, I think.
But he's always been a tough one.
Which you should do, I feel like, if your job is being this guy.
Yeah.
Now, he's so big, though.
Is that Kyle Turley's son, dude?
Wait, go to that picture right there where he's got that Bill's hat on right there.
Look at how just thick he is.
Oh, yeah.
Look at how thick he is.
He's a blonde silverback.
I couldn't put my hand.
So when I shook his hand, my hand didn't reach all the way around his palm.
So his palm is two of mine.
It was so weird.
Did it go both hands on his hand?
I had to go like this.
Use one hand as your knuckles and one hand as your hand.
I said, how much did you squat?
How much did you squat?
He goes, well, I mean, I used to, when I was going crazy, you know, probably, I don't know, 805.
I went, you had to add the five pounds to the eight.
Yeah, he got it.
I think he yelled at Tiger Wood's son or whatever.
Jonathan Martin.
Jonathan Martin.
There it is.
If you could be a pro athlete at one sport, what would it be?
Because you played, what, basketball?
Football?
Played basketball.
You want to bring up the picnic?
We got a pic here.
Well, we call him pic.
His nickname is picnic.
Picnic.
When we need a JPEG.
Oh, I got you.
You know, Nick was a premature baby.
Do you know that?
He's a tall kid, so I'm surprised.
You probably drank a lot of milk as a boy.
I did.
I do love milk.
You come from, I'm going to guess...
I actually don't know my family history that well.
He was adopted by his grandmother, dude.
I think I'm like German-Irish.
Look at Theo Vaughn.
There I am right there, dog.
Wow.
Wow.
Now, you're the only white kid on that team?
Well, the other kid behind me was white and black.
Okay.
So you were the minority in that group.
Yeah.
You keep in touch with any of those guys?
A lot of these guys didn't have phones then.
Do they have phones now?
Some of them.
Maybe.
One guy was 35 years old, the guy on the top right.
He looks like it.
Yeah.
Dude, he would drop his son off at school in the morning and then pretend that he wasn't going to school and then come into school.
It was crazy.
Yeah, he looks like he's got a mortgage, all kinds of issues.
Oh, yeah, definitely, man.
Damn.
Basketball.
Funny how skinny we were as kids.
Oh, crazy, huh?
And then when you're skinny, your adults go, you're going to fill out.
Yeah.
I never filled out.
Really?
No.
What's one of, what is one of, how do you age gracefully?
I know that you've been aging or getting into aging.
Yeah, yeah, I've been getting into aging.
And how do you age gracefully?
Do you feel like stay productive?
Sleep.
Well, physically, let's start with physically.
Sleep is the most important.
Most people are underslept.
Really?
But that requires...
You fucking sleep Tim Welch, dude.
Damn, dude.
Sorry, dog.
Dude, you got...
You're coming hard on Tim Welch right now.
None of this is going to end well.
Dude, you feel how mad he is right now.
The phone's blowing up.
Tim already hears this.
Tim, calm down.
I'll talk sense into him.
I know that none of this is going to end well or age well.
Damn.
When there's a video a year from now of Tim Bugan just sending me to Sionoratown.
Jack, Jad, it was just working your body so he doesn't knock you out at first, just hitting you in the liver.
He'll dress up like a lumberjack and just literally chop me down.
Just chop me down.
His axe feet.
You look like a piece of wood to me.
Chat, Jad.
Meet my Paul Bunions.
He'll dress up like a woodpecker for Halloween and just show up at a party I'm at and just take it to my neck.
You'll just take his feet and go, I got bunions on my feet.
Time for you to meet my Paul Bunions.
And start just kicking you about the legs until you get blood clots.
You're going to rush you to the hospital.
Babe, the blue blood clot.
Oh, they can kick you.
When they kick you down here or behind the knee, that Muay Thai shit, you can keep it.
They just have different bones.
We got Corey Sanhagen coming in today.
Corey Sanhagen is...
His coach, Christian Allen, I watched that kid train before anybody knew he was.
I was at high altitude.
And that dude is...
You don't have to have ladders to get into the building or something.
No, no, no.
It's just in Denver.
You just go to Denver.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, it's Cody Donovan's school.
And Christian Allen, who's a genius.
A genius.
He's a ninja.
Christian Allen's a ninja.
Wow.
And Christian Allen is.
That was his protege.
I took a couple striking classes from Christian Allen, which I have no business doing.
There's absolutely no reason.
But I would go back to my boxing gym and use just some of the shit he taught me.
And it would fucking, they'd be like, what is that?
He's just like, he's this creative savant.
And Corey Sanhagen is a product of that.
And Corey San Hagen has been training since he was 16 years old.
I don't see anyone in the 35-pound division.
I mean, all due respect to everybody there because that's a stack division, but anybody who fights San Hagen, if I had to put my money on the future champion, I got to be honest, it's San Hagen.
Well, he looks, the thing when you're watching him also, he looks like he has another 200 fights in him.
Well, he does.
Like he just does.
I think at that weight, too, those guys just don't wear down as quickly.
He doesn't take a lot of punishment, number one.
Yeah, and he's just on the move so much.
And he's also 5'11, 5'10, 11. So he's like my height.
I'm 6'4, but I slouch.
And when I slouch, but he's tall, and he gets down to 35. And so he's doing shit.
It's this new shit.
You know, I was talking to Malik, who grew up boxing on a house.
Larry Malik?
No, Malik B. Oh.
Oh, yes.
And Larry Malik.
He keeps changing his name, dude.
It's Malik.
Malik.
You know what I'm saying?
That's the weirdest thing.
Sometimes you meet a black guy who doesn't know how to pronounce his name.
It's Malik.
Could be Malik.
Malik is Malik.
Malik.
I call him Malik.
I don't know.
I like the soft A. And look, honestly, seasonally, I will change up how I do the vowels of his name.
I will also call him Malak.
Malak is king.
You know?
If it's an Egyptian holiday, I'll fucking go full Malak on him.
Malik.
You know what Malik means in Arabic?
Uh-uh.
King.
No way.
He is kind of a king, man.
Yeah.
But he was telling me how boxing has changed.
Now he tries to spar with these younger dudes.
They're doing shit he hasn't seen.
Wow.
They're doing weird shit because everything evolves.
People come up with, if you're in a gym and everybody's doing the same thing, you start getting used to each other's patterns.
Then somebody comes along with, somebody innovates something different.
Somebody goes, I'm going to come in with a lead uppercut, you know, and then a hook.
And you're like, but that's not supposed to be, that's not what happens.
But he's an unbelievable boxer, man.
Malek Bazo?
Oh, dude.
Try boxing with that guy.
I'm not fighting that guy.
He'll sleep you.
I'm not going to fight him.
No, but wait, we were talking about.
And yeah.
We were talking about, oh, sleep.
The fighter and the kids has more fighters on it now.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So it's interesting because the only kids on there is Chappelle and Brendan.
Yeah.
And then it's you and Mala, my Michael.
Mala.
Michael.
What season is it?
No, but you asked me how I age gracefully.
Yeah, let's get back into that, man.
So first I want to know physically, how do you age gracefully?
First of all, I think you have to sleep is everything.
Okay.
So, but the problem with that is that people go, I don't sleep well.
Well, are you eating a lot before you go to bed?
What kind of food are you eating?
Are you on any kind of like stimulants?
Now, what if you have a couple of Godiva chocolates?
It depends, but as you get older, you're going to have more and more of a problem.
As you get older, when I was younger, I could drink a bottle of wine, red wine, no problem.
I had energy.
I had energy.
Wow.
What was it in?
I just want to know.
I drank it from a cask.
Did you?
Actually, you drink it from a leather bladder, from a flask, from an old school flask.
I've heard stories of, yeah, can we get an image of a cask of red wine?
Yeah, that's a cask, I think.
That's a wine cask.
See that?
You know what I was looking for more?
I was looking more for an old-timey, old.
A cask is what you transport it in, maybe, or just you store it in, or you age it in.
But a flask, you use a leather flask.
I'm thinking we have more of like that bladder, that more like...
You understand?
So what you need is you need a glass bottle.
You age it under preferably 55 degrees.
Bitch wants to pull out a glass bottle with his buddies.
You guys are all on a mountainside relaxing.
The women are, you know, if they want to do it, are doing washing down by the creek.
Or collecting berries.
If it's a traditional hike, they're gathering and you guys are hunting.
Right.
Right.
Everybody's playing there.
Everybody's doing helping out.
And there's a room for the other person.
There are other genders that might be represented there who might do both.
Right.
Right.
Or who might choose to do, yes.
Maybe one day the biggest hunter's like, oh, I'm going to go hunt berries.
You know, people are like, whoa, dude.
That's right.
Calm down a lot.
Yeah.
We need you back up here, dog.
Yeah, but you.
So, okay, so sleep.
Water.
And then I think I actually believe in.
Now, do you do water before you go to sleep?
Sometimes, but I think more importantly is in the morning.
And then what I think is important is not eating too much, never overloading your system.
Never.
So if you, I do think intermittent fasting is a really good idea.
Wow.
And I think eating simply and not overloading your body.
You can feel it.
Dude, I haven't done intermittent fasting, but I've had mittens on before, and it's so hard to fucking eat with mittens on.
And that's the same goddamn thing.
How are you supposed to butter your toast with mittens?
It's impossible.
It's impossible.
And then you're spitting out whoop.
Damn it.
And it's like, at least they're wool, though.
And why do you wear wool when you, why do you wear wool when you're hunting?
Because you are trying to attract animals.
No.
Because you need...
I would wear wool instead of cotton because wool is warmer.
Well, it is, especially when.
When it is nighttime.
When it gets wet.
When it gets wet.
Yeah.
So wool gets wet better?
Yeah.
Cotton kills.
If you get wet in cotton, you're going to die.
If you get wet in wool, wool will actually keep you warm.
It acts like almost like an insulating, like a, like a, it's almost like a wetsuit.
So you'll stay alive longer in wool.
You don't want to be wet, period.
But wool, wool.
So that's why your first two layers when you go hunting or in the wilderness is always wool.
You can use polyester, maybe, but you want wool.
I don't want to do, I want to do, if I'm going outside, I like to have on wool socks.
Actually, if I'm on a long-distance flight, I'll even wear wool socks.
Yeah.
That's where I'm at age-wise.
I got all kinds of things about, I'm terrified of the cold.
I'm afraid of the cold.
Cold makes me a coward.
So I always have warm shit in my car, including fire-making material.
Oh, yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
So does that, so I guess I do, but not really.
I mean, if I can, you know, you live in Venice.
In case Venice goes to the wolves.
There's enough homeless dudes making fires.
I know, but in case it goes to the wolves, maybe the vegetation vegetation gets crazy, and now we're in this tropical jungle because of global warming, and now I got to make a fire.
Here's a question right here, man, from Peter Rion's son.
Hey, Peter, take your hood off.
Damn, kid.
What's up, Brian?
What's up, Theo?
Coming here from Los Angeles.
I ran into Brian about two years ago in Venice.
Was too much of a bitch to say what's up.
my biggest regret in life pretty much.
But speaking of bonus...
Hi.
Brian, you can talk about But I respect the fact you thought that you were the bitch.
I always say hi.
I'm always super nice.
Gym vibes.
A lot of homosexuality there.
Amen, brother.
A lot of people touching people in odd places.
You have any experience with that?
Maybe some tips on how to navigate the waters and just get your workout in a true alpha, like Brian would know.
Thanks.
And he was talking about specifically the Venice Golds.
Yeah.
Well, I'm very, very appreciative of that question because I was working out in the Golds in Hollywood when I was a young man.
I was cute.
When I was a young man, I knew I was getting older because gay men stopped looking at me.
You understand?
Now, when I was younger.
They just give you money at that point.
Yeah.
When I was younger, I was skinny, but I had a pretty face.
I had a delicate nose.
And my jaw was well-defined.
Oh, damn.
Right there, Nick.
I had heavy eyelids.
I had not heavy eyelids, but you could see the...
Even though I just had my lids, it doesn't work, you know.
So I was cute.
And I was doing these.
I never liked lifting weights.
I was just like, whatever.
But I'm there and I'm doing everything.
Those are unique too.
Those are those kind of like, I'm a kangaroo, look at me.
You know, for your triceps.
I never could do it.
I hated working out where I was just doing curls.
I was like, I can't do it.
I want to do something where I feel like I'm becoming more athletic, not looking like a bodybuilder.
Right.
So I'm doing this stupid bodybuilding thing, and a guy gets behind me.
He gets behind me and goes, doing it wrong.
A white guy?
Yep.
He goes, you're doing it wrong.
What's up?
And he goes, get your butt in there.
And he kicks my knee and he grabs my elbows.
And I'm like, I don't know what the fuck is going on here, man.
We just went with it.
We dated for like three years.
I know.
And then I was like, I'm straight.
And I ran out.
I was like, I can't do this anymore.
But you get confused.
You know what I mean?
So the answer to that question is sometimes you can get like, what the fuck?
And you're living with each other.
You have two small dogs.
You have a vegetable garden.
You're like, I'm not gay.
But it can take a while.
It can take a while.
It's comfortable.
It can get comfortable when you're shocked at what.
They lull you in with the wind chime.
You go to their house and there's wind chimes.
And some of the wind chimes, it's other young men screaming for help when the wind hits the pipe.
Email me.
Get out of here.
I've been attracted to, there's a guy yesterday out of here.
That's crazy, bro.
I'm like, where do you get that wind chime, dude?
And why does each chime have a person's name written on it?
Do you have somebody somewhere in this house?
Is there somebody under the floorboards?
How do you mean?
That's Edgar Allan Poe, man.
Yeah, it is Edgar Allan Poe.
Telltale Heart, dog.
God damn right, bro.
You ordered on the floorboards, dog.
Okay, so sleep and water helps.
But yeah, to get back to this man's question, sorry.
A lot of men, and look, one thing that's not discussed a lot of times in America is the aggression of, it's always looked at that men, straight men, are the predators in America.
There is also predatorial behavior by gay men, and it is unchecked.
There's nobody monitoring it.
There's nobody.
It's guy on guy crime.
So guys are.
Right, but you see how I think you can quickly see how women are disgruntled by the behavior of men sometimes, by men flirting with them, because it happens so aggressively with men, you know?
Yeah, that's very true.
It's just, it's tough to like, and there's no, and you.
If you go to the supermarket of Whole Foods and you're a good-looking woman, you know, you're going to be dealing with energy.
Yeah.
It's like, it's like, it's almost like being a celebrity where you know all those people want to talk to you and they're going to.
Something's going to happen.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Like there's going to be, you're going to have to, first of all, you're aware of how you look because you have to be because they're staring at you.
You know, they're going to look for an excuse to talk to you.
You know, they're going to try to stop you.
It's all that excuse.
It's like being on a decent podcast.
It's like being on a decent podcast.
It really is.
Love your podcast, bro.
And then they want to tape.
Yeah.
God bless.
But, you know, it's different for women.
For guys, it's like, ah, you know, they like me.
But for women, it's...
But for women, yeah, there's more of a...
I bet it's exhausting.
But then you also get dangerous, like guys who follow you and shit.
There's always that danger, I think, for women where men don't have to deal with that.
Men can always, it's just different.
Right.
If a dude follows you back to your place, you can be like, hey, dude, what are you doing in my place?
Yeah.
Whereas women, it's more like, yeah, it's got to be, it's probably a lot scarier.
But it's getting...
Yeah.
Can I get you a drink?
Yeah, can I get you a...
Is that what we were talking about?
Oh, no, you were trying to answer his question.
I was trying to answer this guy's question because I feel like this doesn't get talked about enough.
That there is mans that will do anything to be gay with you.
And an attractive...
The hottest guy that a gay male can get is a straight male.
I've heard that from other gay male.
No, the hottest girl.
That's their hottest girl.
Like our hottest girl is like a hot girl.
It's like, I got to get a hot girl.
The hottest girl for a gay man is a straight guy.
That's their hottest girl.
Turning a straight guy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And like people are like, yeah, it's like, first of all, the term turning a guy straight sounds, there's a physical fucking element to it.
It sounds like a fucking crime.
Yeah.
I don't know.
It's still a guy.
I've seen women.
Like there was a guy yesterday I saw who was a host of, he was like seating people.
And he was tall.
He was dressed so well.
And he was so effeminate.
He smelled so good.
And he had short blonde hair.
And he was just like, he was perfect.
And he had really delicate features.
He was beautiful.
He looked like a beautiful, he was so androgynous.
Like a little layout.
And he was super nice.
And he had a kind of a very non-threatening voice.
And I was looking at him and I was like, I'm definitely, I'm drawn to this.
This might be a man, but he's got so much feminine energy.
That's Rome.
That's that Roman vibe.
Yeah, that you're like, you're like, you know, it wasn't that I wanted to have sex with him, but I appreciated how beautiful he was as a creature.
I'd feed him olives.
Yeah, I'd never, I didn't even know.
I was like, I'm not going to call him a guy or a girl.
This is where the gender fluid thing makes sense.
And that's where we're headed, I feel like.
Well, I have a theory on all of it.
Like, right now we're trying to deal with this non-duality, right?
So you know the idea behind...
So a lot of this gender stuff comes from Jacques Derrida I do, probably.
Well, I don't know.
Male-female.
I do.
You know, male-female, reason, passion.
Oh, yeah, I have all that.
Logic, superstition.
Yes.
We break the world up into two, male-female, yin and yang, hot and cold.
And what Derrida said, I think Derrida's fucking the biggest mental masturbator of all time.
But what he said was, He said, if you have a dualistic sense of mind, you automatically privilege one over the other.
You automatically are going to privilege male over female, maybe hot over cold.
There's a tendency to privilege, so reason over passion.
Be reasonable, be logical, don't be superstitious.
When we have this, be the mind over the heart.
That's always the battle.
The mind or the spirit over the flesh.
So we think dualistically.
And so the idea is when you do that, you're going to always favor one.
We construct as human beings maps of meaning, and you're going to always favor one over the other.
And when you do that, automatically, if that's your language structure, there's going to be built-in prejudice.
There's going to be a built-in power structure.
You understand?
And so the idea behind a non-dualistic way of thinking, the idea behind going beyond male and female, for example, and gender, is the idea that that's how you, beyond going black and white, you know, the idea is racist, non-racist.
How about anti-racist?
The idea is that you will sort of not favor one over the other.
And maybe there's value in favoring the one that you usually don't favor over the other.
You got to switch it up so you fuck with your brain.
Right.
So that you fuck with the entire power structure.
That would be the idea behind.
That's what's going on in the universities.
That's what's going on in the humanities.
That's what Jordan Peterson talks about.
That's why you have this huge fight with gender now.
So now you have, it's very interesting because the feminists are having a big problem with the transgender community because for a lot of feminists, they're going, wait, you're saying you're a man, you're a biological man, but you're saying you identify as a woman.
And so now you're trying to be on equal footing with women, meaning, for example, you should be able to compete in women's sports, which means women who are biological get their scholarships taken away because you might be physically just more advantaged.
You're a man.
So it's very interesting to see how the feminist movement is grading up against the trans movement.
It's becoming this whole, it's becoming this whole craving.
It's become the fucking WNBA, dude.
Yeah, that's me, bro.
But no, I feel you because it comes from a philosophy, a French philosophy.
It comes from Foucault.
It comes from Derrida.
I mean, if you look at the fathers of these kinds of thoughts, it's very interesting.
So you're saying that, like, because we got stuck in this old idea of black or white, male or female, that now things, it's starting to become, the picture is becoming muddier, but we're still kind of chained to some of these old ways?
We are because that's the way our brains work.
Right.
And I don't know if some of it's evolutionary or biological.
I would imagine a lot of it's evolutionary.
Right.
A lot of it is evolutionary.
A lot of it is like, because yeah, a lot of the things I hear and read some days, it's like, this just, this sounds cool.
It's a neat idea, but it's not going to flow, actually flow through the system that I am making.
But when you get to the level of detail, it's really hard to implement, right?
But I have to say that, like, as somebody who felt very uneasy about all this woke shit, I will say this.
Like, I do, I know that if you watch commercials now, it's always like, it's always a mixed couple, right?
So it's like a black man with a white woman, a white woman with a black man.
And so there's this forced sort of diversity inclusion thing.
But what I like about that in a way is that it is, kids are growing up with the idea that that's the normal.
Right.
It used to be with my generation, if a black and a white person got married, it was always, it was always like, oh, you call them zebras.
Yeah.
And now it's like what the left wants to do, and I understand it is, is kind of try to erase all that from your mind.
Don't see color and don't even see gender.
Because if you make it an issue, the problem is when you try to do that, you're actually making it an issue.
So that's the trap that you have to get out of.
And I don't know how to get out of that.
But I do appreciate, I will say that in a lot of ways, a lot of this woke shit is made.
So if you're trans, if you're a child and you do have this gender thing going on, like you're a man, but you feel like a woman.
I really do believe that's a biological thing.
I do believe that there are some people that just are born that way.
They're born into a male body.
Yeah, they're born into a male body, but they feel like a woman.
There's so many people.
Dude, I used to do it when that Shania Twain song would come on, if I'm real honest with you.
I would be honest.
I would close my door and do the damn foot on the floor.
We all, you know, there's all a spectrum.
Some people are more feminine, more masculine.
Right.
And we certainly get caged into what is expected.
There's a lot of conditioning in the world for sure.
Like, this is the way I'm supposed to be.
And so, yeah, I think it's...
It is.
But what I think is technology and gene editing and meshing with computers, if you read the singularity as near, human beings are going to start being able to not only control their own biology, their own evolution, but they might be able to control even their own...
It just isn't.
You will be able to eventually...
It's hard.
It requires a great deal of surgery and things like that.
Stirrups.
All that stuff.
I think eventually what's going to happen is when we have the technology.
You can't get your genes in real time?
Yes, to genetically, you know, you will be able to genetically morph into the female, the biological version of yourself as a female.
And that's not at all unscientific.
Now, now we are already going to be at, how would we talk about gender now?
So a lot of this is almost like this.
I always try to look at these big trends as evolutionarily.
It's like, it's just, there's an evolution to it.
There is.
Right.
Well, sometimes it's hard to like with the media and like them pushing people certain ways.
It's hard to sometimes know what is like just where things are going and what is like, okay, lead people trying to lead you over there for like commercial value, you know.
Wow, like that's a hard thing to notice sometimes.
But yeah, I think as like I can't imagine if you could press a button or take a tonic or something, and over like a week period, you'd be like, yeah, I'm fucking, yeah, I'm doing drywall right now, but in a week, I'm going to be a fucking, at least an aide in Florida, you know, a female eight.
And you wouldn't.
You know what I'm saying?
You would.
You would be.
And then you see your buddies down there who's doing drywall.
He's down there because he got a different job.
He got relocated.
And you guys just see each other in an elevator.
You're like, holy crap.
That's already happened, but now it requires a great deal of surfing.
It's very rudimentary, they call it.
Yeah, it's physical and rudimentary.
I mean, it's a real hacksaw Jim Duggan in there.
I mean, you basically.
Yeah.
Look, and here you go right here.
Now, this guy.
This is Gabrielle Ludwig.
It recently went viral.
People try to say this is just happening.
She's playing for Santa Clara Community College, but it was actually from 2012, but she was a former Navy SEAL.
Oh, come on.
Really?
Yeah, USA Today profiled her struggles of being on this team, but again, back in 2012.
She's already 1%er when it comes to men biologically.
Right, she's 6'3 or 6'4.
8. 6'8.
And she was a SEAL?
6'8 is too tall for a SEAL, I think.
Right, and so there's these other girls like, Yeah.
First of all, she could.
Ex-Navy soldier, not SEAL, sorry.
Yeah.
Sorry.
And Professor or Senator, not Senator.
Admiral Ludwig could easily be some of these women's fathers.
How old is she at the time she was 50?
50. When she died, dude, she fucking got her dime on and fucking bawled out.
What is going on here?
To me.
Look, I've long said white men should be allowed to play in the WNBA.
I've long.
As have I, but that's not a white man.
That's a white woman, Theo.
Right now it is.
But here's what's here.
I think also a lot of our, like, the structure we know so far, like, all the rule books are male-based and female-based.
Like, there's a lot of people that don't want to, like, you get stuck in the patterns and of what was, of what, the way things have been.
It's hard to be like, okay, now we're going to just change it up, you know?
Well, change takes time, too.
I'm not against it.
If you're a mother and you've dedicated your whole life to getting your daughter to practice and to get a scholarship because you don't have the money.
You need the money.
And your daughter's really gifted at tennis or she's really gifted at wrestling or she's really gifted.
For singing, like Selena.
Well, no, singing's not a good example.
I'm talking about a sport.
So a body sport, not a throat.
She's got a scholarship to basketball or track.
And a man, a biological man says, I'm now a woman.
I'm not even going to get any estrogen.
I'm just a woman.
I identify as a woman.
And goes and decides to compete and takes that scholarship away from your daughter.
You can understand how frustrating that would be heartbreaking for the mother and for the daughter.
And also why feminists now go, wait, wait.
Wait, we've been fighting so hard to get this.
How do we navigate this?
I don't know how to navigate it.
The TERFs.
Yeah, well look.
Trans exclusionary radical feminists.
Well, so then if you bring that up, you're called a transphobe or you're...
No, that's not fair either.
We're just trying to solve a problem and bring up an issue that is real.
So now what do we do about that?
Like, what do you do about that shit?
I don't want somebody who feels different or feels like they're a woman or vice versa, but they were born another sex.
I don't want them being excluded.
Right.
But at the same time, you know.
They can't be cheating and just putting a Kamara on every freaking chick at 105.
That's what's, yeah, but that's kind of what's the dilemma.
Right.
And it makes sense because you're making a lot of rules where it's like, okay, whatever you identify as, that's what you can play as.
So, of course, some people's going to bend the system.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, but that's a political, that's also an ideological and political stance.
So if you can just identify and whatever you say.
But that's what it's getting to be.
Well, so then that means that whatever you conceive and conceptualize is truth, then this is Derrida.
Then there's no truth.
So in other words, if we don't have a standard on which we can stand, if there's not a standard that we can more, that we can anchor into, just so that we can know, that we can distinguish, life is distinguished.
You have to have that.
Well, but no, because there's a philosophy out there, and it comes from Derrida, that says, no, there should be zero categories.
It's why the Maoists put everybody in the same uniform and with the same haircut.
It was the idea of eradicating literally any distinctions.
But Mother Nature is going to have her say in that.
Of course she is.
You know?
Of course she is.
And also the number, this is what gets me, the number of people that it applies to to immediately take that template and put it against the majority, the mass majority.
And then a lot of times they try and force it in immediately.
That's the kind of shit where you get so much rebuttal because it's disrespectful to just force it in immediately.
I know it's disrespectful also to.
It's a little bit more than that, buddy.
If you even talk about this, if you even now, if you had the point of view, say you had the point of view that there are two sexes or that your biology is what sticks, okay?
You'll get deplatformed.
You're considered, you're practicing hate speech and you will be deplatformed from everywhere, including YouTube and Patreon, anywhere else.
It's called.
So we can think stuff like that.
We can't say it?
You're not allowed to speak.
So where do you say it?
You just chisel it into a bench?
The First Amendment doesn't really exist anymore.
Damn.
And that's very dangerous.
Puts up signs saying it's very dangerous.
And nobody, I don't think enough people are talking about it.
And I certainly don't think enough people who are pushing this narrative really understand what's what.
No, a lot of people are just chasing clout.
They're chasing weenie and vagina clout.
They just want all the, they want any type of fucking body, you know, genital clout.
But what I'm saying is have a separate league for these, for the middlemen of the universe.
Yeah.
You know?
Because, yeah, it's like if I'm a young lady who's worked my butt off and is about feminism, you know, like women, we need the opportunity, this and that.
And then a fella comes along and he...
They're on the left.
They fight for a lot of, you know, a lot of liberal causes.
I can't remember the woman's name, but she's a champion of, she's a left-wing lawyer and she's a champion of all these causes, the social justice causes.
And she said this is misogyny.
And I was like, damn.
She said it's misogyny if it's a man and if it's a transgender person?
She was saying that for men to come into women's sports now like this.
But these aren't men.
Well, she was saying that biological men who are coming into female sports because they identify that, you know, they identify as women now.
She was saying, you know, you hear the women on the other side.
You hear feminists now fighting that.
Right.
So it's a fight, man.
And I just sit back and I'm like, damn.
And then you got science.
Put them at straw weight.
Look, I say get them at a weight where is there a weight class you could get them at?
If you say specifically UFC, is there a weight class you could get them at where it would be where it evens out a little bit?
Yeah, but the problem with that is that you've got a different bone structure.
And you've got, like, so when you're talking about punching people in the face and speed and all that, and even they even, I think women and men have a different read on split-second timing.
So women tend to hesitate.
Even the high champions hesitate just a split-second than men do.
And so that's a huge advantage in striking.
So you've got so many issues.
So when you're talking about women in fighting, you're talking about transgender women in fighting.
What stage are they at?
Like what stage are they at in their transition?
How much estrogen do they have in relation to testosterone?
Do they still have the different bone structure and the different muscularity that gives a man much bigger advantage?
I think there should be then a separate league or something.
And I hate to separate it, but it's just when you start catering to you have to cater to the masses first.
It's just, I feel like it's where you have to, it's the most people.
You know, it's like the same when you get all these people to reconfigure their bathrooms and do all the, it's like, there's nobody transgender in this town, but you're going to have a news media come here and say these bathrooms are for men only.
Well, you know, there's only 11 people in town.
People are trying to piss.
Yeah, in some ways that's the strength of this country, though.
Like in some ways, maybe in.
And I'm not trying to be old-sided.
I just think you have to, like, yes, you welcome them in and you find a way to do it, but it can't be immediate.
And that's sometimes where I think the media fails us is they want it immediate.
They want it now.
Well, I think the better way to put it is that you want to protect the marginalized and the minority's rights, right?
But not at the expense of other rights.
That's the balancing act.
So if you're trumping other rights or you are discriminating against another group to make room for this new group of victims or whoever you consider to be marginalized, now you're just moving money from one column to the other, but you're not really actually making the world more equitable.
So the idea would be if you have to have California, if you're a public traded company in California, you had to have, if you had a board of seven, if you had a board of five, two had to be women.
If you had a board of seven, four had to be, or three had to be women.
They just enforced that, right?
So you have to have women on your board.
Now they want color.
Now it has to have diversity.
So if you are, if you are at the board, if you represent the board, you're on board of a company, which makes decisions for the company, okay?
It's a public traded company.
You now have a diversity quota, and you now have an, this is enforced.
I don't know if they got the diversity quota through post, but they did with the female quota.
So the board cannot be all male, no matter what.
So if you have, so the idea is if you're really qualified for the job, but you happen to have balls, you know, and a dick or whatever, or a certain chromosome, you are excluded.
You can't.
Damn.
You got to take a back seat.
So now you're discriminating against men for having their biology.
And now you have to have a conversation about biology.
And if you're going to have, if you're going to enforce biological women are allowed, have must be on the boards.
Well, now, what about gender fluid people?
What about, are you going to represent trans people?
That is why you relocate to another state where they're not.
That's what happens.
Right.
That's what happens.
Because you don't know how to do business that way.
Because if you have a business and you're responsible to your shareholders, you go, wait, I want the best people.
I don't give a shit what they are.
I want the best people on the especially if it's a small family business.
Now you got your son cutting his penis off just so he can work at the shop.
You know what I'm saying?
No, but this is publicly traded.
You're going too crazy.
Okay, my bad, man.
But yeah, it's just like, but it just feels like that as a small business owner, you feel like, well, if my business ever grows, I'm going to have to fucking, you know, I'm going to have to install a dick on my wife just to fucking make ends meet over here.
But that paranoia in your head as a business person, you're like, I'm going to go to a place.
The government comes in and forces you to do that.
That's mandated.
And so now what you're doing is you're enforcing equality.
You're enforcing equality of outcome, not equality of opportunity.
And what they're doing in Hollywood, if you want your movie to be in the Oscars now, be an Oscar control.
Oh, yeah, you need to have an amoeba in there.
you have to have color in the cast, but you have to have color behind the scenes too now.
But it's gotten so, which look, I think it should all be, I kind of believe it should all be based on just the percentages of the people that are in the country.
Like, you know, if the ethnicity is a certain percent, then that percentage should be.
You'd be in trouble with that.
Do you think?
Oh, my God.
It's a terrible idea.
Terrible idea.
Because then again, all you're doing is looking at numbers and the people that get a job should be the ones who are the best for the job.
Right.
I agree.
That's what it is.
If most of the people that are great for the job are all black women, then all black women should be in there.
If it's all Asian, then all Asian.
I don't give a fuck whoever's best for the job, man.
And have blind auditions the way they did.
So with the orchestras, they were all male.
So they started just having blind auditions.
So you couldn't see if it was a man or woman playing that instrument.
You go behind the curtain and play, and you just have to hear.
Guess what?
Women now represent more than half of the instrumentation in, I think, the San Francisco Philharmonic and the New York Philharmonic.
Oh, yeah.
You see a lot of those harmonics, a lot of ladies out there, a lot of dimes out there playing the flute on the lyre.
Do you play an instrument?
I'll play a little bit of piano.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
For real?
I got me a little nice little place over there at the moment in Nashville.
I got a place in Airbnb.
I'm keeping my place here, but I'm getting a nice piano.
Yeah.
I'm going to take you back to the page.
Are you going to be there March 3rd?
I'm doing another live podcast.
You are?
Another live podcast March 3rd at Zaney's.
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
I know.
I forgot.
Yeah.
I got to start promoting it.
I'll be there.
Me and Steve Byrne.
We got Travis Trick coming on.
We got Jordan Peterson coming back on.
Oh, really?
Oh, man.
I love that guy.
Pretty excited about this.
Here's a beautiful lady right here.
Or this could be a man.
I have your Jordan Peterson book, too.
You do?
Awesome.
Thank you.
I love that book.
He's got a new one coming on.
Oh, I got to read that.
Yeah.
Hey, Theo.
Hey, Brian.
My name's Marissa.
Brian, I know that you speak French, and I do a little bit too.
And I actually saw you in Dallas, and I thought your whole French bit was hilarious.
So my question is: quant esque vous des aprit la l'en français, par es que vous la par la trebien, et je lais adore, et OC, quant esque vous a lais returné a t fat que.
So in English, as a answer to the first question, when did you say first language French, and then I think you will return to the title.
So thanks, guys, beautiful lady.
Thank you for the question.
I want to say that, young lady, appreciate you.
Je proné français con je alibon con au libon, concier um con je petit garcon jivier les col la bar um yeah.
So I went to school in I went to friend schools in Lebanon when I was a kid.
War-torn Lebanon, huh?
That's right.
I was in the war there for about seven months.
We were evacuated to Greece.
And then I will be.
I've already fell apart.
Everywhere you go kind of fucking falls apart.
Falls apart, dude.
Yeah.
Not to say that with you right here, but.
I was organizing coups.
Oh, yeah?
Dude, Brennan still coups sometimes.
That guy is fucking the worst vocabulary I've ever heard.
He's the only one.
Him and Boston will talk, but Boston will lead the conversation.
It's unbelievable.
Boston, I haven't met Boston.
You haven't?
Oh, fine as fuck, bro.
Take it easy.
Just say cute.
Don't say fine.
You're talking about a baby.
Bro, but this baby is about that life.
Oh, no, no, I don't.
This baby's been at pool parties, dude.
I'm telling you.
The baby's big, though.
The baby's got a head on him.
The baby's got a freaking whoop.
He could be as big as daddy.
Oh, that baby is fine, dude.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, no, that baby's cute.
Cute, yeah, baby.
I don't like the way you're dragging out your words, bro.
Sorry, man.
Sorry.
Don't say cute with like four U's in it.
You can't do that, bro.
And you're wiping your mouth right now.
I'm not comfortable.
Damn.
Damn, man.
Yeah, you're right, bro.
Thank you for the question, Cibouplay.
She's very jolie, very jolie.
Yeah.
My...
Right there, look at this.
I'm trying to hide my time.
Oh, my God.
I'm in it.
And Spike.
Look at that.
Bernie trying to get my girl drunk right there.
No, no, dude.
Damn.
That's a boy.
Look.
Don't say girl.
Don't say my girl.
Let him decide.
Okay, you're right.
I did.
I don't know how he identifies yet, but I think he identifies as a boy.
At least, you got to let the parents decide for the child and then let the child when they're older.
But I mean, it's like Boston, the best name, the Boston Strangler, if he goes in UFC.
Boston Strangler.
Best name.
He's actually good.
Already.
Boston the Strangler.
Yeah.
So we got a new website done, and I like it.
I love it.
You do?
Yeah, super functional.
Yeah, that's it.
That's it.
It's functional, and it's reliable in the sense that if we need help with it, this company is right there to do it, and this company is called Modify.
What did they do that's different than the old one?
They just added basically all the functions we were looking for to fit our podcast.
We can upload video questions, songs, voicemails, and it's all in one spot, and it's specific features we ask for.
So maybe if you have a different company, they can put features you need for you.
Right.
So if you have a company, if you have a design, a plan, something, you need a website, you need some real estate on the web.
Well, the group that can help out is called Modify.
That's right.
Modify.
M-O-D-I-P-H-Y.com slash Theo.
And they are basically offering the last website you will ever need.
There's no cost to build, no contract, unlimited updates, unlimited supports, custom design, easy editing tools, future redesigns, all for just how much, Nick?
I'm actually not sure because I don't have the copy in front Of me.
$249 a month.
Unbelievable.
Imagine how much fun you can have with a website that's constantly going to be updated.
$249 a month.
They did our website, Theovon.com.
They did a great job, and we know it's in reliable hands.
Look, you got to have real estate, and you got to have it on the web, and that's where your business needs to be.
Modify.com slash Theo, M-O-D-I-P-H-Y.com slash Theo for the last website you'll ever need.
All right.
Dude, we got to get you a hood hat, man.
Do you got any La Crosse, Wisconsin?
any Wisconsin at all.
I mean, I think there's like a...
Is there La, La, what am I thinking of in Wisconsin?
Le Clerc?
No, La Crosse?
No, there's some other place.
Fond du Lac?
Ooh, Fondu Lac sounds illegal.
I wouldn't want to be a child growing up there.
But anyway, Hood Hat is a company that basically you can go to their website and you can customize a beautiful merino wool cap that will take that will kind of take your head to the next level.
You can pick out colors that kind of fit your vibe, fit your hood, basically.
So you would do where?
La Crosse?
La Crosse if they had one.
I'd rep some of the bigger cities.
MKE, a Milwaukee hat.
Okay, what about your neighborhood?
What neighborhood do you grow up in in La Crosse?
The Southside?
I don't know.
She might go Southside, La Crosse.
Where I'm from, I might go, let me think, McGee Street, or I might just do Covington, Louisiana, or I might do Mandeville.
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Get something that's very specific.
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And now back to the episode.
Thanks, Nick.
You're welcome.
Thank you.
Yeah, man.
I guess you're right because now the whole discussion has come back to full circle where it's like the original argument is now butting up with it just going to become a spiral that's it's a never-ending so how we figured out in the west we figured out a way around this stuff i mean i'm not saying the west didn't have its share of all kinds of prejudice and all that but the west has done a really at least the west is the first country to talk about it and tackle it head on yeah and and and
respect the rights without killing killing people it's a good idea and so so the you know so so but but the west the idea the idea i'm saying we've implemented it very well but much better than any other country the idea is you treat people as an individual if you because because if you start categorizing people you'll never run out of categories yeah i mean if you want to include men and women on the board and that's mandated what about what about people under four feet tall what about dwarves what about
dwarves what about um what about people who have who are deaf where are we where are we going to stop this what about the blind you you you are going to what about trans are are you going to have are you going to have to have represent every category you would never run out of categories let them keep you treat people as individuals if you have a meritocracy it's the only way at the level of detail to run a society you can't do it any other way yeah and and when you and also i don't mind if you have
a company and you don't even ask people i don't think you should ask people their sexual orientation or any of that because obviously who cares well obviously you don't want to give somebody a reason to discriminate so don't make anything right yeah that's the thing it's like by not yeah it's like everything has just become such a thing it's imposs it starts to feel impossible to even communicate and the tough part is that you know i say a lot of times that tech tech is the new fossil fuel you know it's like bandwidth is the new oil it's like we're all
slaves yeah and it's like we've and it's monopolies man they're monopolies insane it's absolutely insane but i wish that someone would come out with an app and but the problem is they wouldn't be able to platform it now that would tell you which companies support which what their beliefs are that way you could start to have dual company you know come people that aren't as competition yeah you can start a competition where then it's going to be like okay yeah i'm like i might have some of these beliefs
but also some of these beliefs i want to support a company that has more beliefs like i have you know um well but then i i just feel like you i don't know then it would start to affect the company's pocketbooks and then you wouldn't see so many companies i feel like be so outspoken i'm worried about make their employees feel like they have to vote a certain way or this type of thing yeah like i worry about i i wish there were more options for and there are becoming more and more options for technology yeah there are there is technology that's that's coming out
where you won't be as as reliant on all the massive companies at least i'm hopeful i don't think that's good for anyone but i am concerned and i am sympathetic to big tech's worry about misinformation malinformation and disinformation that's very dangerous but that's always been out there like oh you could always listen to an idiot i know but say say you have a platform say you say you're facebook okay and and you you you have a technology that you've invented okay and
everybody's on facebook and all of a sudden the government of a country because it's worldwide the government of that country says they start planting stories on facebook that you know are categorically false that are demonizing a minority um political group because they might be the Uighurs, they might be the Rohingya, they might be whatever in certain countries.
And you go and you start talking about how they kill children or they you do whatever to rouse up the majority in your country's ire, to rouse up their anger.
And you just start planting fake stories and you get more and more people more and more outraged about this.
CNN.
Whatever it might be.
And now you have a vigilante mob of 5,000 that have all been talking on Facebook.
And they decide, let's go kill these Rohingya, these Uighurs, these trans people, these Republicans or these Democrats over here or these liberals or these conservatives over here.
History is full of that.
I mean, the Tsar in Russia, when the economy and shit was going bad, he would say, you know what?
Let's blame the Jews.
Let's go, hey, hey, hey, all you guys, it's the Jews that are doing this.
So you'd have mobs of men with bats and knives, and they would come into the Jewish pails, the ghetto, and fucking burn down the synagogue and kill as many people as they could and rape everybody and do all kinds of horrible things.
That was the story of the Jew in Russia forever.
And that's where the Zionist movement was born.
The idea was if this is going to keep happening, we're going to keep getting killed.
We need a homeland.
We need a homeland.
We have nowhere to go because we're always a minority.
So what I'm saying is that now with Facebook and with big tech, if you're allowed to spread inform, if you're really organized about it and you're allowed to spread information that is categorically false, but is also galvanizing an enemy, galvanizing people to actually take violent action.
Right.
Like people that trade Pokemon cards almost.
But what if they're doing it?
Which apparently they were, I think at the Rohingya, I think in Burma or whatever, Myanmar.
So people were really doing this.
They were meeting on Facebook groups and then having beliefs and then going out and taking action.
Yes.
So now you have someone like Mark Zuckerberg.
What's Zuckerberg and all of them supposed to do?
They're responsible.
They're looking at the moral responsibility.
They're looking at all the responsibility.
They're looking at the financial, I mean, the legal responsibility.
But it's also just a moral thing.
But also a problem because they don't know how to deal with that.
I wouldn't know how to deal with that.
How the fuck do you deal with that?
So now you've got to get really, really kind of, you've got to get really draconian about it.
Now you've got to be like, look, if you guys are going to start talking about masks that aren't not being effective, or you're going to start talking about how vaccines are not effective, which by the way, they are effective.
If you're going to start talking about that and you're going to start spreading all these like documentaries that don't have any basis in science, I'm just using it as an example.
I guarantee I'll get a lot of shit just for saying that.
But if you keep doing that, right?
They have to kind of go, the science is saying this and you guys are saying this.
They have to take a stand.
Right, but then you're going to be stuck by what that person's views of the world are and what they.
It's tough.
Like, because what if they have a total, their upbringing is totally, they live from a complete different place.
And I think you have a lot of these people are all from the same spot, the same type of tribe and the same type of, you know, there are a lot of the same just type of people.
So I just did an interview with you.
Yeah, same ilk.
I did an interview with Aleister Bostwick.
It's on YouTube now.
And he was a reporter for Huffington Post, for BuzzFeed, and now he works for Verizon.com, which is kind of like, you know, he's a really good journalist.
He just did a crazy video on Woody Allen and how one-sided that piece was on Woody Allen.
I mean, he's basically defending Woody Allen, but, you know, just a liberal guy.
But he said, he was talking about how I said to him, I said, why is the press so left-wing?
And he goes, because most of the people who are in the press are from LA and New York and Chicago and the big cities.
And they just happen to be younger people who tend to lean left.
It's not like a conspiracy.
It's that they tend to be socially progressive.
And so what you're going to get is you're going to get more people in journalism who happen to be of that.
The way he was describing it was really interesting.
Right.
That makes sense, kind of.
Yeah.
So like you said, it's the same ilk.
If you have one particular ilk, and they're usually educated.
They're usually super educated from really good schools.
And they tend to come from socioeconomic backgrounds that are of higher class.
Right.
So they have a different, but that perspective of the world, growing up, like, dude, some of my richest friends have been the absolute most scared about this pandemic.
Smartest friends have been the most scared about this pandemic that it's just ridiculous, you know?
So I think there's a level there, too, where it's just so overkill and so out of touch with what like a regular working day-to-day man and woman couple that wants to have a traditional kind of lifestyle.
Yes.
And then everything is this, but then you have a lot of those types of people who are far left who end up being 40-year-old women who are lonely, who have no fucking children, and who are trying to like, you know, fly down to Barbados to jumpstart their wombs somehow on some fabled machine or something, you know, or wandering around their house and dying their hair fucking 75 colors and fucking sawing their tits off for magic or whatever.
Like it just gets, so then you have a lot, you have a lot of people who are just unspoken for and who feel unspoken for, even just to ask questions.
And then that's where it gets really, really spooky.
Well, you know, you ever heard the expression weird?
So, so.
Because I'm not like some right-wing Trumper, but also I'm a person who believes I should be able to talk about stuff and ask questions and not feel weird if I want to also say stuff and get something wrong.
I agree.
How else do you even be a comedian?
Like, we are both very careful right now on a podcast about what we're saying and how we're talking.
That never used to be.
I have to be careful because I don't know what I'm saying a lot of times, too.
So my brain is very careful because it doesn't know what I'm talking about a lot of times.
But like you said, you're allowed to get it wrong.
Right.
So now you have a society, people that feel like they're not allowed to get anything, at least to trial and error.
That's right.
You have a ton of people that feel that way.
How does that feel to some?
I mean, it's just that's debilitating.
That's debilitating to people.
It is debilitating.
It's awful.
It's awful.
I mean, it's funny because when they did any experiment they ever did, right?
So if you think about like anything you know.
Frankenstein.
Well, no, that would be one.
Frankenstein is a good experiment.
But the man tried it on his brother.
Look at Louis Van Gogh.
Look at...
The idea that machines were taking over.
Machines were now taking over humanity.
We're having the same talk 100 years later about how machines are going to take over and make man obsolete.
That was something that Mary Shelley, who wrote that book, that was the thesis of that book.
Like, when man meshes with machine, we'll lose our humanity.
It's kind of fucking cyclical.
But most of the studies on economics, on social behavior, on social, we all talk about whatever it might be.
Like, you know, when you say things like, well, most people, you know, most people tend to be more emotional about this.
It was all done on what they call, their acronym is weird, Western, industrialized, educated, rich, developed people from those countries.
From westernized, educated, industrialized, rich, developed countries.
So most professors were doing their fucking experiments on people who are college educated or at least had money, were from a developed country, definitely like Europe or America.
There was never any of it done on people who came from other parts of the world, who didn't come from industrialized, developed, educated backgrounds.
So so much of what we know has been skewed just by the nature of how experimentation was done and who was available to do the experiments on.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
So we keep running into these issues.
We keep running into these issues.
Yeah, man, look, it's spooky time to be alive.
It's like, is it spooky?
It's a great time to be alive.
It's the only time that we get that we know of right now.
I'm scared.
It's also, it's a scary time.
But there has to be, there's always like a way out of things.
It's like, I mean, for example, like, you know, you can still, if you shut yourself off to some of the media and you just let it go and do its thing, you can still live a normal, straight life or gay life, whichever you want.
You don't have to get into the fights.
You don't have to engage in it because some of it is out of my control.
But then also, it's like every voice that was even like questioning or anything has been extremely silenced.
And that's not good.
You know, I don't feel like that that kind of stuff is good.
No, that's the problem.
The other argument, like Sam Triple and I always have these arguments on.
Oh, I've talked to Sam, dude.
Oh, it's great.
But we have this podcast, Conspiracy Social Club, and I debunk conspiracies, right?
He seems to win a lot.
But by the way, by the way, if you watch Conspiracy Social Club, I think we may have to move over to Rockfin because they took us off Vimeo.
Really?
Patreon didn't let us do it.
Vimeo took you off?
Yeah, because they don't allow any conspiracy talk, even though I debunk it.
Vimeo?
Vimeo should be lucky to have anybody on that file.
I know, but they took us down because they have a strict policy against any.
And I'm like, I'm an anti-conspiracist.
I'm trying to debunk it.
But, you know, they're like, no.
So I don't know what they're, I don't know what the practice is.
Well, it's just become general and blanket, which is crazy because that's the same thing that they, that, that, like, like kind of left-leaning things say that people are doing about gender and stuff, but you're doing it in the term, the term words that you use to terminate anything that pops up.
Yeah, and I'm trying to, in earnest, debunk conspiracy.
That breaks my heart, bro.
And, and, you know, so we have to go.
That's why you got to get a Glock, dude.
You got to get your family and go be somewhere.
I know.
You know, and I think that's what a lot of people are doing.
A lot of people are saying this rat race doesn't even accept me anymore.
Not only that, but they mistreat me on social platforms where I'm even just trying to be a regular person who errs and who is human.
It's funny, man.
And trying to be funny or just trying to be human.
Yeah.
Like, and it's just a lot of it is people who never wanted to take any risks just sitting somewhere flowing into this.
They're going to always exist, though.
The problem is corporations.
The money listens.
Right.
The money, you know, until consumers.
That's why you need to get an app that sends people to different places.
They can support companies that also mimic some of their beliefs or at least are open to it.
Because then once it starts to affect the pocketbooks of companies, they'll quit the bullshit.
How about due process?
How about just that?
How about so so if Disney's going to completely cancel Gina Carano for writing Bebop Boop and just and having a clumsy comparison to the Holocaust, which wasn't even that clumsy compared to a lot of people who were on the left who didn't get canceled.
Yeah.
You know, if you're going to do that, then until consumers say, I'm not upping my subscription to Disney, I'm not watching Lucas Films anymore.
Right.
Until they do that, and until Disney sees that when they cancel someone like Gina Carano or they cancel anybody due to due process, it actually hurts their dollar.
It actually hurts their sales.
Because right now, they just don't want to deal with any kind of Twitter thing.
But it's so crazy who gives a fuck about it's just like they do because they don't want to deal with the backlash because those voices are so loud and they'll go away in a week.
Yeah, not when, but it's just, it creates too much bad press.
Because what does the press do?
The press needs clicks.
The press, everybody in the press talking to Aleister Bossberg again about this.
He's like, when you're a fucking journalist, you want clicks.
You want to create sensation.
You want to, yeah, right.
You can't do, if you're going to do a documentary around Mia Farrow and Woody Allen, you can't take a balanced approach.
Nobody wants to see that.
You want a hit piece the way the Michael Jackson thing was.
You got to come hard from one angle.
Right.
Because then we're like, yeah, we got a bad guy and a good guy.
Right.
So this is, and then this is, Dustin Poirier taught me this, man.
He said, this is when that Mike Perry thing came out.
Mike Perry had done some things.
He was kind of losing it.
He was going through a tough moment, like about eight months ago or a year ago.
And I was talking to Dustin one time.
He goes, you know, man, I don't click on that kind of stuff.
When people send me that kind of stuff, I don't click on it because I don't want that in my world.
He said, I don't want that in my world.
I don't want to look at people that I care about or other humans in ways where people are just trying to pinpoint them into one little space or one little moment.
Good for him.
He just said it's not fair.
And so since then, man, I've tried to stay off of, like, when people send that kind of shit, don't send me that.
But it's like this porn.
We use it as porn.
So as long as we keep doing that, that kind of stuff's going to keep happening.
And as long as you keep rewarding cancel culture.
And you do it by clicks.
We do that by clicks.
When you click on it, then you fucking saying, I support this, even if you don't.
That's what's crazy.
So that's where the weird addiction comes in.
It's like we're just.
But also the fact that Disney makes amazing products, and my kids love their movies.
They're doing good.
When a massive company like that, you know, cancels someone like Gina Carano and we still, you know, we're still patrons of that company, in a way, we're all complicit.
And it's so hard to fight, man.
It's hard to fight because there's such...
That's the oil.
What happened with this country singer who used the N-word?
He didn't really, I think people kind of galvanized.
Did people kind of go, this is too much?
Or what happened?
I mean, Morgan's a friend of mine.
He was on a podcast.
He was on a couple months ago.
He used it.
He called his friend the N-word in the street.
He came back and apologized.
He said, I'm going to try to do better.
And, you know, the media did what they did.
They ripped him up.
What got me about that, I mean, obviously, like, it's like he called his friend pussy ass N-I-G-G-A, right?
To a white dude.
And I think a lot of white people should be called the N-word.
I got called it a bunch growing up.
I still get called it sometimes by this dude that lives in the park, the black guy by me, will call me it every now and then.
I like it a little.
I'll be honest.
That's who I am.
Makes you feel included.
Yeah, it does something, bro.
You know, like sometimes.
No joke, I was walking with a girl a couple weeks ago and the guy said it, and I know she didn't hear him.
And I fucking said, hey, say it louder, bro.
And he did.
And he said it louder, bro.
He's a black guy.
He can say it, right?
He knows I'm not a spy.
In a way, he's saying something.
It's like a term of endearment for you.
Yeah, it was like a coat I got to wear for a couple seconds, gave me a little bit of clout with the dame, you know, or the man, whatever she was.
I don't know what she's chosen to be.
I didn't check that.
I'm glad you cleared that.
But yeah, but what got me was that, and this, is that suddenly there were news articles that would never even watch Morgan.
That was the guy's name.
Yeah.
They would never even...
So they're basically using the N-word to get you to go.
Of course.
So who's really using it?
The one guy who uses it on the street calling his white friend the N-word.
Or the white press that makes money by getting clicks.
That's what burned.
And it's like, man, it's like.
Now I can use the N-word.
And now we can get more online subscriptions.
There's money in clicks.
And as long as there's money in clicks and there's money in telling your readers, your echo chamber, exactly what they want to hear and what they believe anyway.
And already, you will continue to polarize the press.
And now you look at anything that comes out of Huffington Post.
You're like, I know exactly how they feel.
So why am I going to read this?
Right.
Or Fox.
Oh, here we go.
But it's like, here's a question.
But what else is I think?
And I have one more thought on this.
But it's just when they, when, I mean, and he came out and said for himself, you know, he said, you know, what he wanted to say on it.
So it's like, it's his thing.
But some, I don't know.
Sometimes you feel like it'd be, it's just crazy how you can go and buy the, on certain platforms, you can buy the N-word and listen to it.
You know?
You can pay $2 for it.
$1.99 for a song and go listen.
Oh, yeah.
You know, it's like, maybe don't make it available to white people.
Well, I think that this guy somehow got like he, they've tried to cancel him, and I think his fans were like, no, we're going to buy all his stuff.
Oh, he'll have the biggest tour in the world in a couple years.
His music is just great.
Yeah.
I mean, I think, you know, and he's a great kid.
I was at his house a couple nights before the video stuff, and there were black guys over there with him.
It's not like I've seen racist people.
Yeah.
He's not a racist guy.
He's not a racist guy.
And that's obvious to most human people with a brain.
Yeah.
Yeah, but intention doesn't matter anymore.
It's just consequence.
What's this question?
I see a guy asking a question.
Yeah, let's get out of this.
Sorry.
And I didn't really want to talk about that, but.
It's okay.
We're covering a lot of bases right now.
Tell us, how you doing?
I'm sitting here ripped off my gory right now off some of those good Oregon Derbyshires.
And I've got a question for you.
If you had to give each other three compliments that didn't have anything to do with comedy or a mullet, what would they be?
It's a hockey haircut, first of all.
That's good.
That's a great question.
Three compliments that had nothing to do with comedy or the mullet.
I would say this.
Who goes first, Nick?
Brian.
Okay.
Go one.
Go every other.
Fine.
I'm your boss, but Brian.
I would say that you're, I think you have a very original brain.
and I love that about you.
Okay.
And I think, I mean, I'm not allowed to talk about comedy, but it's very difficult to separate your...
You're just original.
You're an Original generally.
And that's so fucking rare.
And then I think you're very loyal.
You're a loyal fucking dude.
And you also have overcome something I think most people don't even understand.
I mean, I think what you've overcome over your family, your mother, and all that, I don't think anybody realizes how huge that is.
I don't.
And I think that always is going to be something that you're contending with.
But the wrestle, you know, it's that Jacob's ladder thing when he wrestled the angel.
The angel that you wrestle on a day-to-day basis is what makes, and you're winning that.
You're winning, whether you know it or not.
You win it every day.
And it actually makes the world a better place.
So your trauma, and I believe it's trauma.
I really do.
I've watched your old stuff when you were young, talking about your life and your childhood.
The trauma that you went through has not beaten you.
It has made the world a better place.
That's why people love you.
And I don't think you would be who you are without, the irony is you wouldn't be who you are without that almost impossible thing to deal with, that thing that would break most people.
And you never let it.
You just turned it into something very special.
So that's my compliment.
Those are my three compliments for Theo Vaughan.
Well, thank you, bro.
It's sweet of you to say, man.
I don't know if you're going to find three things on me.
This is Kashmir, though.
I don't know if I'm going to...
I would say, for one, I would say your ability to take a moment to give valuable interaction is something that is very rare.
I've had a couple moments with you over the years that I can remember.
Even one of the first ones going back to at the Bruco when you told me I was asking you something about comedy and, you know, and you had a conversation with me just about learning as much as I could, you know, and just, you know, if you'll learn as much as you can, then you'll have so many tools to be comedic from, you know.
To even things now from growing up to recommending books, you know, just different things.
If I'm going through like, yeah, sharing stuff, like different, you know, experiences from childhood trauma and one wanting to like discuss that and needing some support.
You know, you actually like, even if it takes a day or something for you to call back or to get back when you do, you give some time that's real that really feels valuable and important.
And so I want to say thank you for that, man.
It's really sweet of you.
Because when I hear you, I hear somebody that it's like a voice that, like a male voice that's educated, that I did never just and is like kind of educated, but also good at injecting it into the flow of immediate life.
And so it's hard to do that.
It's such a skill that so few people have.
So thank you.
I'm lucky to be privileged to see some of that and to experience it firsthand.
Outside of that, I would say probably.
Symmetrical.
I would say symmetrical, probably.
I would go with that.
And it doesn't have anything to do with hair.
I would say symmetrical.
I would say your vitality for life.
I think you stay...
You're like a fucking vein, you know, is what you are.
You're like...
No matter what happens.
Keep growing.
Keep moving.
Don't stay.
You're a fucking femoral vein, dude.
You're rolling through the big bone.
You can't stop.
You know what I'm saying?
You ain't out here in a damn tarpal.
You know what I'm saying?
Picasso said, Picasso said, I think he called it sweeping the alley.
Like, Picasso was like, no matter what, famine, karate war, all that, keep painting, keep painting, keep painting.
That's crazy.
So when he's 90 years old, he was painting on the level he was painting at when he was 40, for real.
I went to his, I went to a show that he had, it was his work.
I think he did it when he was 90. And I would listen to the art historian explain what he was doing.
I was like, this motherfucker is 90, and he was painting on the level that's beyond, like he was still doing it at the highest level.
That's crazy.
I was like, if that's the case, if that's where the bar is, man, I'm fucked.
I can never stop.
Yeah.
But there, you know, it's hard.
I just hope I'm allowed to.
You know, you just keep hoping that you, in one way or another, can continue to be expressive and continue to do what you love.
Yeah.
Like, I never, like, I mean, I'm, you know, not an idiot, but I'm definitely, I'll be, you know, I will mill around with idiots, bro.
And I will definitely read books I've read six or seven times, dude, and not know what happened.
That happened.
That's normal.
Okay.
Come on, man.
But what I'm saying is that, fuck, man, I forgot about it.
But it's, it's.
You said I was a vein.
I was femoral.
I was a femoral.
Yeah, okay.
Femoral vein.
So that's two.
I think those are two things.
I think a femoral artery.
Okay.
Vein.
I think the difference is what?
An artery?
But an artery comes and goes.
An artery is, yeah, it's from the heart and it's...
Yeah, you're not like...
That artery is more of like a...
Yeah.
You're a little bit more of that service road.
Am I?
Yeah.
Kind of like bumpy, a little bumpy.
Yeah, there's definitely some potholes.
There's some potholes.
There's some zoning issues.
You can't be a smooth highway and be a comic.
No, you can't.
You got to have some plaque up in the background.
Some left turns.
Dead ends.
You got some varicose shit.
got some backed up coagulated blood.
There's some plavacid in the fucking discos.
You've got to have some shit you can't identify.
This big pharma is fucking starting to play a role in this.
Plavisid in there.
Like, what the fuck is that?
We don't know.
We don't know, but put on your mask.
We're going to get through this shit right now.
Your grandparents are dying.
Jim Brewer has this great bit now.
Grandmother's Dying.
It's like he's fucking impersonating a Nazi.
I love him.
I love him.
Yeah.
You know, as you get older, I'll tell you this, I'm a lot older than you, and you get less sure of any kind of a truth.
Really?
In a way.
Now, that's another thing I was going to ask you.
How does aging happen in your beliefs and in your thoughts?
Like, what starts to happen?
You know, I tend to become more compassionate for people who have a totally different point of view than I do, right?
Wow.
So I'm a white, straight male, right?
Fine.
I'm not saying you have it easy if you're a white, straight male.
I'm not saying, but I'm saying that if I was a black woman, if I was a Native American from, or an Indigenous person, a First Nation person from Winnipeg, if I was from a small Indian village in the south of India,
I would have a very different point of view on the world, on what's right, on what's wrong, on what's fair, what's unfair, on what I was afraid of, what I wasn't afraid of.
If I was a black man, for the most part, even if I had money, even if I was privileged with an education, if I drove by, I know this, if I was driving by two white cops, okay, maybe not now, but certainly nine months ago, I would have turned my music down.
I would have put my glasses on.
I might have rolled my window down.
Set my wallet on the dashboard.
Whatever it is.
Right.
Right?
Whatever it is.
A little bit like the way we talk now about anything that's considered politically incorrect.
We're now aware that big tech might shut us off.
That was what it's like.
That's what it was like.
So as I get older and I read more and I try to take that perspective of I don't know, it tends to make me a little bit more compassionate and a little less attached to my cognitive beliefs because I know how my brain works.
It's from reading.
My brain works like this.
I'm an emotional creature.
So I have a set of beliefs that were given to me by people I love, like my mother and my father, like the culture I come from.
And media.
Like what worked for me and media, right?
So I have a set of beliefs like this.
And so what happens is when you have that set of beliefs, you're going to try to find evidence to support your beliefs.
So if you start talking about socialism, I'm automatically going to have an argument because I'm a capitalist, quote unquote, or I'm a free market guy, right?
I'm a libertarian.
But then I'll read a book and I realize that a lot of the basis of what I'm making all my philosophy on is not necessarily grounded in evidence and that somebody over there who has a different point of view has something to offer me, has something to enlighten me on.
So this is a process.
So I guess what I'm saying is that as I get older, I realize I'm a work in progress.
Don't be too attached to everything you believe.
I love that.
Don't be so sure that everything you know and believe is true.
Okay?
That's really important.
And be willing to change your mind based on evidence and be able to see the evidence when it's in front of you.
Well, right.
I agree with you, man.
And I think a lot of, and I've even noticed in my own life over the past nine months, over the past year, I've gotten very, a lot of people are very stuck to their beliefs because some of it's a safety mechanism.
They feel attacked.
They feel like they don't know.
Because the other side's building weaponry over there, right?
Right.
Right.
So, yeah, it's like you start to feel, and you feel like they're not doing that.
So why do I have to, you know, it's like it's interesting how a lot of that has flared up over the past year.
Well, there's a documentary on Netflix called Crack.
And remember Crack Babies?
The idea of a crack baby?
Okay.
I know a guy.
That was all bullshit.
That was all bullshit.
There were no crack babies.
Crack babies weren't born that way.
Most of the time, it was a woman who was drinking marijuana.
But it wasn't that crack itself was creating a whole generation of kids who are addicted to cocaine.
That's not.
Oh, yeah.
I never heard that.
I just heard like if you had a real skinny baby and he had jewelry on.
But yeah, but again.
That's what I always heard.
Again, you can also add to that black baby.
You can also add that black woman giving birth to black baby.
Right.
So what happened with the crack epidemic is I said, your crack baby's born to a mother who's addicted to crack.
Now, I promise you, in every American's, every white American's, the media and even movies like Boys in the Hood, the woman was holding a baby and saying something like, I'll do whatever it takes to get my crack.
It was a black woman.
It was always demonizing a black woman.
It's just true.
So if you're a black woman in the hood, trying to make ends meet, you can't afford to leave a battle zone and you're trying to raise your kids and there's a thousand other things you're dealing with.
And now that's going on in the media, you're being demonized.
Right.
So because that was the narrative.
Right.
And so you'd have a very different perspective on America than who you were if you were a black woman, especially living in the 80s and my generation.
My generation?
How the fuck wouldn't you have a chip on your shoulder?
Oh, dude, yeah.
Look, I think about that a lot of times.
I think sometimes there's a, people don't realize, like, I've talked before about like Disney World, like you see the advertising for Disney World, and there was always white kids at Disney World.
Yeah.
So if you're a black kid and you're watching that, how would you not feel like, oh, this isn't even for me?
You weren't represented in cartoons, anything.
Well, but there's some stuff that's not entirely true.
Like some of my favorite shows were black acted shows.
So like, you know, you had Sanford and so on.
You had In the Heat of the Night, which had black characters in it.
Some of my favorite, Althea Tibbs is one of my favorite characters ever from a drama.
You know, they had a lot of, and what was the one, and I know I'm just saying the one, but there was a lot.
There was the one with the cops.
There was Cosby, which was huge.
That did a lot.
That was like, oh, look, there's a black family just like a white family.
There's a black doctor.
He's in my living room every day.
You know, that was that whole, that was that, that was an important show in that sense.
But I could imagine, yeah, but when I was growing up, there wasn't any black doctors in our town.
No.
So this is where I get, I get the, I get where black activists, where white, you know, activists, where woke people are coming from.
If you actually look at the history of this country, just go back 20 years, 15 years.
See, I'm not liberal this way.
I'm not like a woke person.
I do like fair play, though.
If you show me where something's not fair, if you show me where something's not fair, I'm right there.
I'm like, I got it.
I get it.
I get it.
Oh, man.
I remember putting a Jesse Jackson sign out in front of our apartment growing up.
I remember I was a David Dukakis fan.
Like, I really resonated with a lot of like...
Oh, I used to lift weights at David Duke.
Everybody knows that, though.
Did you?
Yeah.
You worked out with David Duke?
Yeah, he shared a fence.
Dude, he used to date the hottest chick at the seafood restaurant I worked at.
Is that right?
God.
You lived near David Duke?
She was hot.
Yeah.
My folks still share a back fence not far from him.
That's hilarious.
David Duke.
They call him D. Duke around the neighborhood.
Dee Duke.
He's a beautiful little Pomeranian white.
I will say that.
Yeah, that would make sense.
But yeah, there's just a lot to it, man.
There's a lot to it.
But yeah, to think that I think the part that gets me a lot of times, it's people, it's people have now become like, it's like people use the woke stuff for clout, and it's not even about the argument anymore.
And then I also start to see, I've always thought about like equality, fairness.
I see a lot of like black supremacy, Jewish supremacy.
I see some people, you know, Indian supremacy.
I see a lot of, I don't like privilege.
I don't like supremacy.
I don't like it.
Anytime when people start to get stuff into supremacy, Marcellus Wiley, was that that guy's name?
He had a great quote about it a while back.
That's the part where it starts to make me feel angry, bro.
I don't like any type of supremacy, bro.
Like it just, because then it's not about everybody anymore.
You're assigning something called group guilt.
What you're doing is you're saying that entire group is guilty.
And if you do that, we know how that works out in history, too.
Right.
Because when you assign guilt to an entire group just for their color, just for their gender, just for their socioeconomic background.
Yeah.
Now, if you do that, just remember that that's a double-edged sword.
You can turn that sword on the other group just as quickly.
If you do that to that group, when you're done with that group, you're next.
And what happens is if you have group guilt, then you usually have to have a group that rectifies that guilt.
And one need only look at the world today, forget history, and see how that works out for people who are assigned group guilt.
They're killed.
They're jailed.
They're put in concentration camps.
They're quote-unquote marginalized in the worst way possible.
So let's all be careful about that shit.
That's why that's the problem with identity politics.
That's why I'm very...
I think it's fucking the worst.
I don't even know what it is.
It's the idea that you are essentially breaking people up into their groups, and you are assigning guilt or you are assigning victimhood to varying degrees to different groups.
I mean, that's what you do.
And those groups that have traditionally been in a position of quote-unquote supremacy or in a position of privilege have to take now a back seat or whatever or are you know what I'm saying?
Well, the idea behind identity politics would be, you know, we have, even when you start talking about the black vote versus the Asian vote versus the white vote, you're already creating groups.
You're already saying that, you're already creating a monolith.
You're suggesting that black people think the same.
Oh, I see.
Like there are, that there are people who do that.
But also when you start doing that, when you start saying, we need a quota, we need representation from this group because this group has been left out, you're playing a form of identity politics.
Because when you do that, when you privilege one group over the other, or you start detracting just based on group, not based on skill, based on biological attributes, you have to have an enforcing mechanism.
You have to have someone at the top who has the power to make those decisions, to enforce those decisions.
That is something you must do through force.
You must do at the end of the day at the barrel of a gun.
Damn.
Because that's what the state does.
If I say no, they say yes.
If I really refuse to move, you get dragged out by officers of the law.
They happen to have guns.
At the end of the day, there's no way to do that without some form of coercion, some form of force.
When you do that and you demonize one group, or you start to say this group is a victim and this group has to pay for that, what happens is you're going to push people, you're going to really push people into groups.
What you're going to do is you're going to create, America will become what a prison yard is, what a state penitentiary becomes.
Where you got the Aryan Brotherhood over here, you got the Southern Mexicans, you got the Northern Mexicans, you got the black, you got this whole thing over here.
And all of a sudden you create, and now the only consideration is color.
And you have people that are so obsessed with color, it's like they should be in art school.
They should be in art school studying oil painting.
Yeah, oil.
Because that's the only criteria.
And so it's a very, again, it's a very rudimentary, very dangerous game to play.
And I'm not nearly as articulate about this as you can.
No, it's helpful.
For me, it's great, though, because it's good because it's like, yeah, this is good practice because Jordan Peterson, it's like, damn, it's like somebody just beats you in the face with a fucking library.
He's been talking about this.
I did the first podcast with him.
Really?
Yeah, that's when Rogan texted me and said, your podcast with Jordan Peterson was great.
He had just heard about him, and I did this.
You and Jordan Peters were on Rogan together?
No, I did the first podcast with him in our group.
No way.
Rogan then put him on.
Dang, that's crazy.
Yeah.
How about that?
Wow.
Yeah, man.
And it was so great.
I've done three podcasts with him, I think.
it's such an honor.
I love that guy.
Yeah, I feel pretty excited.
I'm trying to think of good questions just to ask and just things that I'm thinking about.
I'm reading the book.
Things that I'm scared about.
Yeah, I'm going to read the book.
But also just things that I'm just worried about and or just like just looking for sometimes guidance, you know?
Sometimes when you get someone that has more experience, what I like to try to do sometimes is get some guidance.
So how do we stay away from identity politics and stuff like that?
What can we do?
And how do we stay funny?
What can we do to stay funny in a time like this?
You have to fight back.
You have to recognize, first of all, where identity politics came from.
You have to recognize what the other side that pushes that stuff is trying to do.
You have to have better ideas.
You have to remember that what has worked for the most part with the West and what other countries have not done is that they treat people as individuals.
You treat everyone as an individual.
You treat when someone comes in for a job, whether they are trans, whether they are black, whether they are Native American, whether they are straight white guy.
India.
I want to see what you can do.
Let me try.
And what they'll tell you is there's unconscious bias.
So they say if you're white, you're unconsciously going to be biased towards someone who's white.
Okay, fine.
That's true.
I don't either.
But this is the new thing.
So you have anti-bias training.
Here's the problem with anti-bias training.
Here's the biggest problem.
So the idea is you have some expert who's taking some classes in the humanities, and they come in, and they apparently are the experts on how to teach you about your unconscious bias.
The idea then would be you take a class and now either you don't have unconscious bias or you're aware that you have unconscious bias.
Okay, all good.
The problem is you'll never take unconscious bias out of a human being.
And by the way, unconscious bias is very important and a very good thing most of the time or some of the time.
Why?
If somebody has shifty eyes and clammy hands, I'm not fucking loaning you money or I'm not going to hire you for the job because you're sketchy.
I can't explain why.
But you give my gut, you give my gut, my intuition, the notion that you ain't no good.
And I need that because that's how I keep my money.
That's how I keep safe.
That's how I keep my family safe.
Yeah, well, that's how women keep from fucking, keep stay, stay safe.
When they see a guy who's something, something's over there.
So my mother told me that one time.
She goes, there was a guy, and the way he was standing, I knew he was looking to jump me.
I knew he was looking to rape me.
Oh, yeah.
And so my mother was like, she just, she got a bad feeling and turned and walked the other way.
And blah, blah, blah.
So we need our unconscious body.
Yeah, you can't walk into a dark alley filled with people like bad wolves and just be like, maybe they're good wolves.
The guy at the meeting said, maybe they're good wolves.
Give them a chance.
One of them is loading a gun and chiseling your name into the side of it.
This is where critical race theory comes in.
This all comes out of the same idea.
It's not enough to be not racist.
You have to be actually actively tearing down the institutions that have given us the longest standing democracy in the history of the world.
You got to start tearing down institutions.
Dude, I grew up in the future.
Like the nuclear family apparently is bad now.
Yeah, that's insane.
And that's what's causing a lot.
I mean, a lot of it is people don't have any faith anymore.
There's nowhere to turn.
We could go into all of it.
Yeah, it's being talked about at least.
And even a couple of knuckleheads like us are actually talking about it.
Fuck this.
I wanted to get into something funny.
I fucked up.
No, no, it's all good.
This could be funny.
I don't know.
Okay, here's a guy right here.
And this guy might be black, might be white.
This dude might be Jehovah's Witnesses.
He's a composite man.
What up, Theo?
Brian, Bri guy, the original kid, Callan.
Yeah, Bri, we just all want to know, probably.
You spent a lot of time away.
We all, me personally, missed you.
I'm sure a lot of other people did too.
And I think we're just all really curious, like, what did you do during that time?
Like, what happened?
Like, give us an update.
I think we're all really wanting to know how you spent that time and gang.
Yeah, what have you been doing, Brian?
Great question.
Starting a podcast with Steve Byrne.
Big and Hungry podcast.
Big and Hungry, yeah.
Which I was on.
Yes, you were.
Which is awesome.
Drops every Monday.
When's our episode coming out?
I think this Monday.
Okay.
And it's fucking hilarious.
Okay.
Cool.
Cool.
And then we got me on.
I've been doing the Conspiracy Social Club with Sam Tripoli twice a week.
And that's been interesting because now we might have to move over to another platform, Rockfin, because we too hot.
We too hot.
We're too hot.
It's too hot for Vimeo.
But that's good.
Maybe something like Rockfin starts up.
I wish we would all start our own platform, but.
Yeah.
And I just kept, you know, I was dealing with a lot of shit, so I just kept, I worked out every day and I just.
Did you?
Yeah, and I just tried to become a better father.
And, you know, I was going through a divorce, but that ended very amicably because me and my ex get along really well.
And we raised the kids together.
And we didn't need courts.
And, you know, we did some lawyer stuff just because it's detailed.
But other than that, we did it great.
And I'm proud of that.
And I'm proud of her for that.
We ended it really, really well.
Because the kids are our priority.
And then, I don't know, man, I just fucking, I brushed up on my kung fu.
Did you?
Yeah, dude.
There's something about that staying physically active.
How important was that, man?
It's called communicating with your body.
That's what you do.
So when you do a sport or you do anything, you're communicating with your body.
You know, it only gets harder as you get older.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
But that's almost the point.
Like, embracing the suck.
You don't have to work out an hour, dude.
You can fucking live for 20 minutes and kill yourself.
I worked out for 15 minutes yesterday.
I'm sore as fuck.
But the way you do it is what matters.
But then you do a sport.
Get good at something, man.
I always say this to people if you're young.
Get good.
I don't give a fuck if it's salsa dancing.
If you get really good at salsa dancing, it will open up a whole world for you.
If you get really good at jiu-jitsu, if you get really good at the flute, I don't give a fuck what it is.
If you get really good at anything that requires like practice on a daily basis, the answers lie there.
Yeah, and then you're going to come in contact with other people who have gotten really good at things, and you're going to be introduced to so many more things then, and you're going to learn from the best.
It's just there is something that's so valuable about just having spent some time doing things.
Man, I've been trying to get into jiu-jitsu more, you know, and I'm really enjoying it.
I'm a white belt, currently white belt.
White belt nation.
White belt nation, dude, also.
Hard scarf club.
And I'm looking to compete maybe at some point.
That's great.
I don't know if I'll compete this year.
Yeah.
But the hardest part people don't realize at my age, I have to do yoga probably four times a week to stay in enough of a comfortable physical space to then be able to go even to the jiu-jitsu class.
So it's like there's so much that has to happen outside of the place.
But I started eating liver crisps, like liver jerky to get my, I mean, fuck, dude, I got a damn menstrual cycle in the back of my throat half the week, dog.
I'm fucking ready to go, son.
Let's fucking go.
I could spit in the air and a fucking wolf will show up and catch it.
I'm ready to go.
So I've been trying to challenge myself a little bit more in that space.
And then, yeah, some of that learning in jujitsu, it takes like the anger that's inside of me.
It takes it out of my body.
To be trapped by another man or young woman and not have any fucking recourse except to scream into the fucking abyss.
As they're imposing their will on you.
Of a fucking gym where people are laughing at you.
You can't breathe.
That's amazing.
Oh, look at Theo Fahn getting tapped.
It's so good for you.
Look at him getting tapped by this bus girl from Olive Garden.
It's so good for you, though.
Shit like that where you're not...
I think that's the best thing you can do for your comedy...
You practice shit that you're not good at and you're having to readjust your neural pathways and stuff.
It's like doing LSD, man.
All of a sudden, you're going to be thinking about shit differently.
Like, you're just not comfortable.
Being comfortable, comfort might be the wolf at the door.
Comfort, look, we've said it on this podcast before.
Comfort will be your coffin, man.
It really will.
And it's crazy to think that.
Yeah, it is.
And before we go, yeah, like I was a little bit nervous about having you on just because I know you kind of been through a lot over the past year.
Has it been tough to like, has it been, what's it been like for you, man?
Terrible.
Has it been?
Yeah, the worst.
Yeah.
Because you can't fight back.
There's nothing you can do.
Just the way it is.
And like, you know, it's very interesting because you get ready for whatever, come what may in life, right?
And then something comes along that you don't even know how to fight against.
How the fuck do you fight something like that?
How do you do, how in the world do you, when you never in a million years thought something like that would happen in a million years because you've tried to live your life the best, you know, helping everybody.
And I don't know.
I can just only, I'm not spiritual enough, but you got to just kind of figure out how to pivot.
But it's real and it's got lasting consequences and it's true destruction.
But the question is, who are you in destruction?
Who are you when chaos hits?
Who are you when everything is taken from you that you've built over 30 years?
And I don't know, but I'm finding out.
You know, at least I'm tough.
At least I know who the fuck I am.
And, you know, that's the other thing.
I've talked to people who've been through this.
And one of a dear friend of mine said, the good news is you know who you are.
And you know what you've done.
And you sure as fuck know what you haven't done.
And that's what's kept me going.
That's why I keep moving.
That's why I'm not quiet about things because I know who I am.
And I'm a good person.
And I've done everything I can to try to make the world a better place.
And I'll keep doing that.
The biggest thing is not letting it take the funny away from you.
That's a motherfucker.
My biggest accomplishment has been I wrote a whole hour in this insanity and I was funny and I did a good fucking job and I'll keep doing that.
You know, that's been, you know, when you can suffer well, suffer well, suffer with dignity and suffer productively and criticize by creating.
Keep criticizing by creating.
Don't criticize by complaining.
Don't criticize by, you know, well, this person did that to me.
That's always going to exist.
I just got hit.
Okay.
Now what?
That's good for me to hear, man, because I do that sometimes.
I'll fall, especially in this past year.
And I think a lot of us have, we've fallen into the complain and the fear and this, the outburst and the speak.
But yeah, to be able to stay creative.
That's it, man.
Was there ever, has there ever been any like actual court case or anything that's followed up from the accusations?
No, not at all.
Okay.
Not at all.
And because you're talking about an accusation that is 21 years old, dude.
This is somebody.
I don't want to get into the details, but this is somebody.
Yeah, and I'm not trying to get you into it.
I just wanted to know.
This is somebody I mean, it's insane.
I don't know what happened, and I'm not interested in speculating on that.
But there was never like a, there hasn't been like a court case.
There's not like a.
Well, that's two things.
I didn't do it.
Right, right, right.
There's always that.
The good news is I didn't do it.
And, you know, I always hesitant to say this, but the number of women, and I put it in a Dropbox and I sent it to my lawyer and my publicist.
The number of women that have been in my life over the past 25 years that reached out without me doing anything.
A couple of them are high-profile who've gone through this stuff with Harvey Weinstein.
Wow.
The number of women that actually reached out to me and said, I can't believe this is happening to you was so heartening to me.
I put them all, all the texts.
These people I hadn't heard from for 10 years, 15 years.
When you hear from that many people and, you know, put it all in, I have it all saved.
I have it all saved.
I have it all saved.
It's pretty devastating.
It's pretty cool to have that many people that you never even reached out to reach out to you.
Then you have some people you haven't talked to in 10 and 15 years.
And say, hey, you were a good guy.
Like, I can't believe this is happening to you and I'll be a witness for you.
You know, that's like, you know, That's what I hold on to, those kinds of things.
But sometimes when somebody writes an article, it never goes away.
Your reputation in many ways is destroyed in certain circles, or it shuts off your ability to do anything in certain facets.
And so, okay, that happened.
Now what?
Now what?
Let's move forward.
But I'm never going to shy from it.
I'm never shying from it.
And I'm never going to hide.
And I'm never going to put my head down because I know who I am.
And I know the truth.
And that's, and Jordan Peterson says, in chaos, all you can do is tell the truth.
Damn.
And, you know, and that's what I said to my fucking, the first thing I said to my lawyer and my publicist.
I go, I need to know that you guys know that I'm innocent.
I don't want, I'm not, I don't want a hired gun.
I don't want anybody who doesn't believe fully that this is, you know, and so I provided them with the evidence.
But that's okay.
Well, I'm sorry for not being brave, like just trying to be braver to be more supportive.
I think that's not your job.
This is a very scary time.
So I'll stop you right there.
This is a very scary time for everybody because if they can come for me, they can come for anybody.
Well, I just wanted to be able to, at least to be able to have a place where people can be heard, whatever they're, to have a discussion or just to be to be heard about like, yeah, it just felt like you'd never even had a chance to be heard in some way.
Well, you're not.
You're not.
You know, it's just, we have built a world where due process doesn't exist.
We have built a world where, like it or not, and there's arguments on both sides, where allegations alone ruin everything.
Allegations alone destroy your life.
And that's a fact.
And, you know, I always, I really wonder.
It's spooky, man.
Well, it's not good for anyone.
Not for fucking Halloween, man.
It's not for your brother, not for your father, not for your friend.
And again, I always say this.
If you want to build a world like that where there's no due process, where the court of public opinion can destroy your ability to feed your children, you're next.
I always say that.
Oh, yeah.
I just don't see how that ends.
I don't see how that ends well.
Well, it just gives all the power to one side.
And an imbalance of power is never good.
So we're trying to figure it out.
We're all trying to figure it out.
Well, yeah, I appreciate you being here today, man, and making me feel, you know, and just, you know, talking to me about it and also just talking about just whatever, man.
I love that.
I've always felt like you've instilled power in me, man.
Yeah, I really do.
Well, I believe in you, and you're worth it.
And I always tell you that when you get down on yourself, you're fucking important.
You're important, my friend.
You, this, the shit you do, it's so important to people.
You know why?
Because they laugh.
And you know what happens when you laugh?
You know what happens when Theo Vaughn makes people laugh?
They forget they're human.
They forget they have to go to the bathroom.
They forget they're broke.
They forget they hate their job.
They forget that their girlfriend's cheating on them.
They forget that they were abused.
They forget it all.
Because when you make people laugh, people just, they forget that for a second, and they forget that they have to even sleep.
I appreciate you crying over it because it's important that you hear that.
You are important.
Thanks, bro.
Your job is important.
Well, I appreciate you always making me feel important, bro.
Yeah, man.
And thank you guys, man, for just even letting me start doing podcasting, man.
You are undeniable.
How are we going to deny you?
You're just too undeniable.
And you put your fucking time in, man.
How many years did you put in?
Including your childhood that made you the comic that you are.
Oh, yeah.
If you include childhood, dude, a decent amount of years, dude.
The bed wet until 30. Well, if you include the fucking night shift of change of my own sheets.
That's why you wear those diapers.
That's sexy, bro.
Bro, I remember at one point, I would take a fucking towel or sheet or something and wrap it around, make this big diaper, and stuff as many t-shirts as out in there so when I pissed again, it would just absorb it and I could still just stay asleep.
How long is he wet in the bed for?
Oh, no joke, 30 years old.
Oh, is that right?
Yeah, man.
I was just a traumatic sleeper.
Yeah, bro.
I was just fighting fucking dragons.
Yeah, man.
People are like, you're going to piss?
Like, yeah, I'm going to fucking piss now.
I'm fucking battling a fucking orca with long arms, bitch.
Comics are so special and unique.
It's so interesting.
Like, comics, like, what are you doing?
Dude, I remember I used to wake up in the middle of the night because I remember hearing that animals could get you at night.
Animals could get other animals if they hadn't urinated in an area.
And I would piss around my bed in a circle from my bed to keep the fucking animals away.
God damn right.
And it works, man.
Yeah, and there's nobody checking in with me to make sure everything's okay.
It's a golden ring.
Nobody coming in my room and noticing that there's just soggy spots in the fucking floor before.
It's a golden ring.
It's a golden ring.
Keeps snakes away.
Roaches.
Black widows.
Pull away, bro.
Yeah, man.
God, yeah.
What a fucking bad thing.
Vampires.
I think piss keeps the vampires away.
If you're a righteous man, if you're a righteous man, you piss righteous.
Even vampires go, this piss smells good.
This smells like it comes out of a man who does good.
A man who hates himself but puts out good in the world.
It makes other people feel that they're okay.
Makes them forget they're human.
Well, we keep doing our best, man.
Yes, sir.
We keep doing our fucking best.
Appreciate you, brother.
Yeah, man.
I'm glad to see you big and hungry.
You guys can check it out, obviously.
And one of the pioneers of podcasting right here.
I'll be in Jacksonville, Florida, Comedy Zone, March 4, 5, and 6. Zany's March 3rd for the live podcast.
Where Theo Vaughn will be down in Nashville.
Yeah, maybe I'll pop through.
I'd love that if you came in.
Damn, it'd be good.
And then I got Omaha, Nebraska, March 11, 12, 13. And then I got Huntsville, Alabama, March 25, 26, 27. I think that are those dates, yeah.
Really?
Stand-up live.
Have you done that?
Yeah, I've done it.
It's great.
It's great.
It's not far from Nashville.
Yeah, it's a good club.
I like that green room.
It's right there.
Huntsville.
All right, kids.
Thanks, man.
God bless.
Now, I'm just fooling on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
I must be cornerstone.
But when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind I found.
I can feel it in my bones, but it's gonna take a little time for me to set that parking brake and let myself unwind.
shine that light on me.
I'll sit and tell you my story just for you.
And now I've been moving way too fast on the runaway train with a heavy load of my past.
And these wheels that I've been riding on, they're walls so thin that they're damn near gone.
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