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Feb. 18, 2021 - This Past Weekend - Theo Von

02:15:28

E323 Josh Wolf

Theo sits down with friend and fellow comedian, Josh Wolf, to discuss growing up below the poverty line, hilarious stories from the road and Josh's new LIVE STREAMING stand-up special coming March 4th. New Merch https://theovonstore.com https://bit.ly/theo-von Get tickets for Josh Wolf's LIVE stand-up special on March 4th, 2021: https://vye.live/event/josh-wolf/ This episode is brought to you by: BlueChew: https://bluechew.com and use promo code THEO to get your first order free Mint Mobile: https://mintmobile.com/THEO for free shipping HoodHat: https://hoodhat.com/THEO20 for 20% off at checkout Magic Mind: https://magicmind.co and use promo code THEO for 10% off Liquid Death: https://liquiddeath.com Music: “Shine” - Bishop Gunn http://bit.ly/Shine_BishopGunn Hit the Hotline 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: http://bit.ly/TPW_VideoHotline Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiEKV_MOhwZ7OEcgFyLKilw Producer: Nick Davis https://instagram.com/realnickdavis Producer: Sean Dugan https://www.instagram.com/SeanDugan/ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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	Today's guest is a friend of mine, and he has a new special that will be March 4th live.
	The Jump Cut special.
	You can get tickets on his website, JoshWolf.com.
	Today's guest is comedian Josh Wolfe.
	Shine that light on me I'll sit and tell you my stories Shine on me And I will find a song I'll be singing just for you
	You know what's crazy is that like when you go on tours like that, you know, you don't think you're any different from the first day to the last.
	But like when you get off the road for a week, you're like, oh, who was that dude?
	At the end of that, you know what I mean?
	Like you slowly morph into Beth always tells me, she's like, I don't really like you after those long shows.
	She's like, you're a different person because you're used to doing everything that you want at the whim when you want to do it.
	You're living on your time with your vibe.
	Yeah.
	And you come home and you fuck it up.
	You got responsibility, but like also there's other people in your world now who expect things from you, but you are so used to on the road, everything you want to do when you want to do it is when it happens.
	Yeah, I think, you know, I think being on the road, honestly, I just realized, is probably the most organized time of my life.
	Like I am unmost grateful sometimes that there's the road because it's like, then I know a place I have to be.
	I have some, a little bit more responsibility, you know?
	There's no doubt this quarantine has done a couple things for me.
	One, it has highlighted that I'm not as mentally, I'm not emotionally in as good a shape as I thought I was.
	Dang.
	Because I've had more time with my own brain.
	Do you know what I mean?
	It hasn't been like the road had me on a schedule.
	Oh, yeah.
	The road offers a lot of get out of jail free cards.
	It's like, oh, shit's bad at the house.
	Yeah.
	I'll be in Cedar Rapids.
	You want to go to Des Moines?
	This weekend, I do.
	Yeah.
	Oh, this relationship's falling apart?
	Oh, well, I'm in Buffalo Thursday through Sunday.
	It's true.
	Yeah.
	But also, like, with more time to be introspective, I've realized, oh, some of those things, because my schedule has been so hectic, some of my shortcomings, I've really covered up.
	Really?
	With, yeah, man.
	Yeah.
	One thing that this year has shown me, like, because I will tell you, I'm at the same time mentally healthier than I've ever been, but also unhealthier because I've really sat with myself.
	So I've peeled back more layers, which feels healthy, but then I'm peeling shit back and being like, oh, you're fucked up.
	This onion's dirty.
	Yeah, yeah.
	This onion needs to be washed.
	You know what I mean?
	Like this layer.
	This onion has tears in it.
	It looks like people have been crying on this onion.
	Yeah.
	So, but it's been interesting, man.
	You know, it's been interesting.
	The one thing I've discovered the most, dude, is that a lot of times the happier I appear, it's me covering up for something.
	Oh, damn.
	Because I'm a super happy, optimistic dude.
	Yeah, you always seem like the happiest dude.
	And so what I've looked at is sometimes when I'm really doubting myself or really struggling with something personally, I'm extra happy.
	Now, I am an optimistic dude.
	And by nature, I like lifting people up.
	Like, I think the more successful all of us are, the better it is for everybody, like all that shit.
	But there's some times where I put on that face when inside I'm like, the more I hate myself, the happier I am to other people.
	Really?
	It's what I've just found over quarantine, dude.
	It's been bananas.
	Really?
	Damn, that's interesting, man.
	I'm trying to think about that as you say it.
	Like, I wonder if I, the more I hate myself, the happier I am to other people.
	It's my defense mechanism.
	You know what I mean?
	Yeah, no, I understand.
	Yeah, I can, I can't know.
	I didn't know that, but you always seem like, you know, you're always usually like really affable and, you know, friendly guy.
	What's your, but like, what's your, like when you are in a bad spot.
	So some people disappear.
	They remove themselves from other people, right?
	That's their defense.
	Like, I have a family member that, like, when they disappear, I'm like, oh, they're, something bad's happened.
	Yeah.
	Do you know?
	But it's the opposite for me.
	I want to show you how well I am.
	So I'm in front of your face, showing you how good I am.
	Do you know what I mean?
	Yeah.
	That's interesting, man.
	I wonder what way I am.
	I think, I don't know.
	I feel like I'll probably be, I'll get more down in the dumps probably, you know, or I'll get, I definitely get angry.
	Like, if things aren't going good, I'll get, I've found recently in this past year, definitely anger is something that I've had to deal with more than ever.
	Do you find yourself, like, when you get really mad at like inanimate objects or the GPS, you're like, oh yeah, the things, like when you're screaming in your car at the GPS.
	Oh, yeah.
	when the bitch is going to die, it's just like the laundry room door.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	All right, motherfucker, I'll say things like that to it.
	Like it's been building up its plan against me and it just got finally edged me again.
	Finally, you guys are about to, you and the door are going to have it out once and for all.
	I can kind of understand that video where the guy just throws that screen out into his yard, you know, when they have that video.
	Can you find that, Sean?
	Also, that one that, you know, one of my favorites is that dude, the DoorDash or the Grub Up dude who's walking up the steps and he slips with all of his food that he was delivering.
	And then he just picks up the cup and throws it at the house.
	Just for, you know what I mean?
	It's already empty, but he's just, he wants one last.
	He's got one last hurrah.
	He wants to get it in.
	That's it right there.
	So I'm going to click on that.
	Yeah, this.
	Yeah, this is.
	This is one of my favorites.
	He's been working all day.
	Because also, this kid looking at him, oh, dad's a hero.
	And he's like, this, I can't even get back in.
	It's hot out there.
	What's he thinking right now?
	Okay.
	I'm going to.
	She wants me to fix this shit.
	He's doing his best to keep it under control right now.
	Yes.
	Yes.
	What the hell?
	Praise God, baby.
	Let me tell you my favorite part about that.
	I like seeing angry dude lift shit above his head before he breaks it.
	You know?
	That is an angry movement right there.
	It's such a caveman move.
	Yeah.
	And you know what?
	Like, he really wanted to.
	I'm sure when he looks back at this video, he's not going to like the way he looked.
	I'm sure he wanted to look smoother when he was wrecking it or when he was throwing it off the, you know, none of it looked great, you know?
	No, it'll make him probably, I bet, I wonder where that guy is now.
	Like, did he get into CrossFit?
	Did he get into yoga?
	Did he get into, did he start a screen?
	Nowadays, you could take a viral video and literally start a screen door throwing competition.
	Yeah.
	Or maybe throw the screen.
	Maybe that child is so embarrassed of his father.
	He's like, I'm going to work out for the rest of my life.
	Maybe that kid looks at that video a couple times and like, look at this.
	He couldn't even smush a screen door.
	This homer sensor.
	But you know what?
	That screen door, the only thing more frustrating to me besides not being able to put it up is, you know, when you had the headphones that had the wire and you would knock it and pull the earbuds out of your ear?
	Nothing made me want to strangle another human.
	Especially at the gym.
	Yeah.
	When you're working out and you just knock it and both of them fall out of your ears, you're like, because at the gym, I don't know about you.
	I need to find motivation.
	So I'll pick one person to hate at the gym.
	I'll pick out their shorts.
	Like, I fucking hate those shorts.
	Fucking Alan.
	Yeah, like Alan, like Alan's wearing ASICs.
	Fuck Alan, you know?
	And I'll just stare at Alan the whole time.
	I've had a guy walk up to me like, do we have a problem?
	I'm like, nah, I'm sorry.
	I just, I had to, I picked somebody to hate when I lived.
	It's interesting to really have like a, um, like an adversary, I guess.
	Like a motivation.
	Like, like, why is he wearing jeans and a wife beater?
	And, and, you know, like, like it's an outfit.
	Like, he's wearing ashen wash jeans and boots and a wife beater at the gym and he's doing pull-ups and you're like, that's a lot.
	I fucking hate that.
	I don't.
	Yeah, I think, I'm trying to think if I'm at the gym, man.
	I think I used to feel more competitive at the gym.
	Now I'm just like, I'm just happy to be in the gym.
	Like, yeah, I don't do as much weights right now.
	So I'm just doing more yoga and stuff.
	But I guess I feel like when I'm in there, I try to look at the chicks, but a lot of chicks now, everybody wears headphones now, so you can't talk to any chicks.
	So then also, if you get recognized, it's always by dudes.
	So it's like you end up having to talk to a bunch of dudes the whole time, you know, which is great, but it's not chicks.
	No, no.
	And, you know, like, I don't want, I hate it when people stand around and they'll watch you do your set waiting to talk to you.
	You're like, oh, man.
	I'm having a hard time working out with you just staring at me, bro.
	You know what I mean?
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Maybe we can meet up.
	The worst is the...
	Like, they walk you, follow you in the locker room.
	I didn't want to bother you doing your workout.
	So you thought dick in hand was a better?
	Yeah, this is a good time.
	This is a better time to jump in.
	Some guy sat next to me at a restaurant the other day and sat right and he talked.
	He tried nine different ways to talk to me, man.
	And finally, I just said, hey, man, I'm just trying to watch some basketball.
	I'm just trying to watch some basketball and chat with my friend.
	I had to just, it was just too much, man.
	He was just, he was pouring out his life story.
	It was just really sad.
	And like, I get it sometimes, but this dude was also pretty wasted, I think.
	So it makes it tougher.
	I am not one of those dudes that like, I think you talking to me comes with the job.
	I think like if you see me out, especially us, it's different, man.
	I think if you're Tom Cruise, right?
	Tom Cruise is on a big screen.
	So the difference between seeing Tom Cruise is he's a movie star.
	You leave your house to go into a dark room.
	So if you see Tom Cruise at the airport, you're like, there's Tom Cruise.
	But you're not going to go up and talk to him because he doesn't play Tom Cruise.
	He plays all those different roles.
	You're Theo Vaughn.
	Yeah.
	You talk about your personal shit.
	So they feel like they know, like you're.
	Oh, right.
	Do you know what I mean?
	They have an attachment to you that they don't have to Tom Cruise.
	Right.
	So I get it when people come up at the bar or come up because they already feel like, oh, I know that dude.
	Oh, yeah.
	Do you know what I mean?
	I totally get it.
	Yeah, podcast listeners and podcasters and everybody, there's definitely more of like a family sense kind of relation sense.
	The thing is, this guy that I ran into, I don't think he knew me.
	I think he was just a drunk guy.
	You could literally see that he went from person to person and people just kept sending him away.
	He's like, everybody I know died in a car accident.
	And I'm like, oh.
	And you were like, how'd you get out?
	I bet they just told you that, bro.
	You bet they are living happily in Utah.
	Have you tried their numbers?
	Because I think they still work.
	I had a dude tell me once, he had a couple missing teeth.
	And he goes, I lost my teeth because my daddy ran over me with a tractor when I was six.
	And I was like, what?
	And basically, I was like, well, I'm going to have to, this is a story I do need to hear.
	I'm so glad.
	But, like, one of the things that I do love also is I really love weird shit.
	And the people who follow me know the one thing I do love is people share their weird stories and their weird pictures and their weird videos with me.
	That is something I can't get enough of.
	I just looked, yo, I just looked at a bunch this morning that people sent to me.
	I wake up every morning like, oh my God.
	Is any of it on your story or anything?
	I just posted one on my Facebook page about this dude, and I have to post the follow-up videos.
	This dude, he had a growth in his earlobe.
	Ooh.
	And I just.
	It's a genetic thing, usually.
	Well, no, this was a...
	It looked, man, it looked like there was going to be a palm tree.
	Well, you know, if you bury some seed under your skin, it will actually sprout?
	Isn't that crazy?
	What?
	Here, go down a little, down, down, further, further, further, further, further, further, further, further.
	There's me a little bit.
	Keep going further, further.
	Keep going.
	Sorry.
	Maybe one more.
	That's Jacob Wolf.
	Maybe one more.
	Oh, maybe.
	I don't know how far down that was.
	The guy who posts on my page, apparently.
	Maybe he posted it.
	Look at that.
	Damn, is that you?
	Yeah, what do you think about that, dude?
	That's my first headshot.
	Ever.
	First headshot ever.
	Wow.
	What do you think about that one, man?
	As long as we got each other.
	I mean, I'm still.
	We got the word.
	Why didn't I get it?
	That's an 80s sitcom.
	Like, that's Kirk Cameron.
	When was that, do you think?
	I can tell you exactly when that was, dude.
	That is 1993.
	There we go.
	That's 1993.
	The guy who took that picture, Theo.
	So I went up and this was.
	He's a gay man.
	Oh, yeah.
	It always is.
	Look, I'll tell you this.
	And this is a like wanting photos in Los Angeles is a gateway drug to homosexuality, man.
	It's basically, yeah.
	Dude, this dude was like, hey, you know, I came into his house and we took a couple pictures.
	What did his name start with?
	Oh, do you remember?
	93. Well, I'm sure there's only, I feel like it's the same guy.
	It's so long ago.
	Okay.
	I don't remember.
	I would have to look, but I know that he was like, hey, I have some.
	He was wearing a robe when I showed up.
	Oh, damn.
	And I'd always heard the robe stories.
	And I might tell you, part of me was like, man, how come I've never been robed before?
	Like, what's wrong with me?
	Oh, yeah, I think that a lot.
	I've never had a stalker.
	Like, I've never had a female stalker.
	Like, it's like, okay, damn.
	Yeah.
	All right.
	I've had one.
	She goes by the name Sandy Wang.
	She has a website out about me.
	No way.
	Yeah, I think it's SandyWang.net.
	But I can show you, I have about 5,000.
	There it is.
	Yeah.
	That's her.
	This is her artwork.
	Okay, so this is how I got put into this.
	Ready for this?
	Good art.
	So I'm out at a dog park in LA, dude.
	That's not that good.
	And this woman was walking her chihuahua, and I had my dog at the time.
	And she said, can we take a little walk around?
	I had met her a couple of times, and she seemed normal.
	And I was walking with a buddy of mine.
	And what kind of lady?
	White lady?
	Black lady?
	Middle Asian woman.
	And we take one lap around the park.
	And she said, you know, the Twin Towers exploded because the government found a video of me masturbating in my living room.
	And I was like, now my friend was like, hey, I'm out.
	Yeah.
	But I'm like, I'm in.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	So she said, will you go to my website here and look at my art?
	I'm like, yeah, let's see how she also has a website basically dedicated to a conspiracy theory about me.
	Dang.
	And so she ended up going to jail, dude.
	Did you press charges?
	She wrote me from jail.
	And the letter was super like well-written.
	Was she attractive?
	Was she?
	Okay, okay, okay.
	And so she got arrested because she said Mercedes-Benz set her up.
	She was walking by Mercedes.
	And I guess if you buy a Mercedes, they start the car and they leave it out front for you.
	So you can just pay in it.
	So she was like, well, why would they have started a car and left it out front if it wasn't for me?
	So she just took a car.
	So she just got in and drove away.
	And so when she got arrested, she was like, you know, the system is against me.
	And it's an Asian, you know, it's an Asian thing.
	And the police were like, you actually stole a car.
	So she wrote me from jail asking for $10,000.
	No way.
	And what happened?
	You hooked up with her?
	No, dude.
	She...
	This is her website?
	Yes.
	Yeah.
	So here's the emails.
	This is the second email I will probably not be sending anymore.
	Anyone who says that will definitely be sending any more.
	Oh, my God.
	Let me tell you that.
	Lord, dude.
	So look at the subject.
	Oh, this is.
	3R Sphincter asshole, rectum asshole.
	Oh, come on.
	This is too much, man.
	Really sorry for what's happening in your life, but you've got to stop sending these to me.
	Thanks, Josh.
	Oh, you emailed her back.
	I was just trying to get out gracefully because she was sending the weirdest...
	Wow.
	Did you ever see?
	Now, were there images in the emails too sometimes or no?
	One email was just a picture of the house across the street from my house.
	Oh, wow.
	I sent about 500 of these emails to, I had a friend of mine who was in the Secret Service, and I sent it to him, and I go, am I going to die?
	And he sent me back.
	He goes, no.
	He said, she's crazy, but she's like crazy like Russell Crowe, beautiful mind, crazy.
	Yeah.
	He said, but none of this tells me she's thinking about doing something dangerous.
	But it was crazy, man.
	This is all, right?
	This is all crazy writings.
	So was she, do you, in the end, do you think she was manic, having like a manic episode?
	I had an acting class with a girl who was having a manic episode for like six months on Facebook.
	And she would post things about Brad Pitt.
	She would post like all kinds of crazy stories like that.
	She was involved in like celebrities' lives and stuff.
	And it was pretty fascinating to read, But it was also really, really scary, you know?
	Yeah.
	And then I think people that tried to reach her, like she would like lash out at them in some of her posts, you know, like my dad called me today.
	And it was just intense, man.
	I don't know what you do if somebody's really sick like that.
	I don't know.
	I can tell when she's on her meds and not on her meds.
	If when she's not on her meds, I get 10 to 15 emails a day.
	But I'll go three months without getting any.
	Dude, one day at my house on my home phone.
	Now, we've always had a home phone just because Beth is like, just in case we need a home phone.
	But nobody has that number, you know?
	So I get a phone call.
	My family has it.
	I get a phone call and I'm like, hello.
	And it's Wang.
	It's worse than Wang.
	I go, hello.
	And they said, Josh Wolf.
	I go, yeah, speaking.
	And they said, this is, I forget what his name.
	This is so-and-so, so-and-so, the head of Tom Cruises Security.
	And I thought it was my brother.
	And I just said, hey, Dan, fuck you.
	And I hung up.
	Two seconds later, same number.
	And I go, Dan, we going to do this like Tom Cruises Security, this is what you're going for?
	Hung up.
	Call back.
	Don't hang up.
	I need to ask you about Sandy Wang.
	Now, I know my brother doesn't know about Sandy Wang.
	And I know there are only two people in my life who do know.
	Me and Beth.
	Oh, and Jacob.
	Because I need to be like, hey, if you see a short little Asian woman around the house, get the fuck out of here.
	Even though he'd probably try to smash.
	Jacob, dude.
	That dude is definitely about some fucking.
	I mean, listen, he's at that age.
	And look, he's at that age where he is still willing.
	Here's exactly how old he is.
	He is still willing to fuck someone that is extremely dangerous.
	Yo, we've all been that.
	How old are you?
	I would fuck a stalker.
	That's how old I am.
	That is 100% right.
	That is an age.
	You know what?
	That's like I've always said, you know, in high school, somebody would ask me, we talk about deal breakers.
	And we got down to high school.
	I'm like, I don't know if I had a deal breaker in high school.
	Like, I had a woman, a girl, literally throw up on me when I was a junior in high school.
	But I was thinking I was going to have sex for the first time.
	Oh, yeah.
	So I just told her straight up, I'll shower it off.
	Like, not a deal breaker for me.
	Damn.
	But she, she was like, are you kidding?
	And I said, no.
	Damn.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Yeah, but that's young.
	You don't know.
	You think she's going that way too.
	And you're like, oh, no.
	This is sexy.
	Let's get back in there.
	Let's get back in that shower.
	I think I've had, let me think, I've had, let me think if there was deal breakers.
	Oh, wet mouth.
	I dated this girl for a little bit and her mouth was always real wet.
	Like the lips?
	Yeah, lips in a little bit, like probably two, maybe half a centimeter outside of the lips.
	And so it was like beautiful girl too.
	And so it was like, oh, this is really cool.
	But then it started to be like, oh, and then she had like sun up, kind of a, she smelled like a little, her breath had like a unique smell that got worse as the night went on.
	Progressively bad breath?
	Yeah, it was like progressively bad.
	And then I think you had to put her to sleep to fucking get it back to zero, you know, and then, you know, so you wanted to take her to brunch.
	It was that kind of girl, you know?
	It was like, let's fucking brunch and hunch.
	You feel me?
	You know what I'm saying?
	That Netflix and chill, baby.
	Yo, there was a girl that I picked up when I was in high school.
	I was at my friend's house.
	He had his, he was, his family had a little bit of money and they had a house on Cape Cod in the summer.
	Oh, yeah.
	That's rich, bro.
	Yeah, we, we definitely did not have that kind of dough.
	But we picked up.
	Cape Cod, dude.
	I never even had COD until I was fucking probably 25. You wore a cape, though.
	I did wear a cape.
	Yeah, you're right.
	That's a good point.
	You did wear a cape.
	So even, even.
	This girl, she's 17. We met her at the beach.
	Her breath was so bad.
	When my buddy brought, he was like, we're going to go back to my house.
	I was like, what am I going to do with this girl's breath?
	He was like, well, when you get back home, just give her some food.
	So I tried to convince this girl.
	Did you speed down the breath?
	Yeah, I tried to convince her that we should both eat a teaspoon of peanut butter.
	Oh, yeah.
	I was like, how about some peanut butter?
	And she was like, what?
	She wanted Doritos.
	I'm like, no.
	No.
	Not with that.
	Not what's coming out of that mouth.
	I mean, adding fuel to the five.
	No, but a spoonful of peanut butter, I thought.
	That's a good idea.
	Yeah, it's like, because breath, you have to get something to like, well, I'm okay with if somebody's breath is a little bad, like if it's dehydration breath, like some things you kind of know, okay, it's just this is a moment they're going through.
	But the thing is, if you get somebody and you smell that it's internal, that they're rotting out or something, or they're, you know, they had a baby that didn't hatch or something, you know what I'm saying?
	You don't know what's going on sometimes.
	And somebody, some of these issues are deep-rooted.
	You know what I'm saying?
	And you know, some dogs can smell cancer.
	Bring that up, Sean.
	That's true.
	What can dogs smell?
	What diseases can dogs smell, please?
	By the way, did you hear that there suffered a variety of types, including skin cancer, breast cancer, prostate cancer?
	Definitely believe that.
	Yep.
	bladder cancer and lung cancer.
	Dude, if you smell enough ass like dog does, They for sure know what a good ass smells like.
	Those are famous for their sense of smell.
	This sense is so advanced, they can smell diseases or medical conditions.
	They have about 220 million receptors compared to 5 to 10 million in us.
	Imagine being able to smell that good.
	Imagine being able to smell maybe if the neighbors are cooking.
	Would you rather have that intense sense of smell or sight?
	I think sight because smell, here's the thing that would deter.
	Smell, I think it would start to like, if you got into like mating situations or sexual situations, it would really, I think for me, it would inhibit me because I would get real nervous.
	It would make, you know, it would be like, you know, the less I can smell, I feel like for sex, the better, you know?
	Now, it also amazes me that a dog can smell that good and still want to have sex that much.
	Yeah, I think.
	It's almost like extraterrestrial, really.
	Yeah, I think they are like high school kids times 20, though.
	It's just pure animal instinct.
	Like, you know, I think all ass is good ass as far as they're concerned.
	You know what I mean?
	I don't think, have you ever seen a dog get to an ass and be like, oh, God.
	And they're always like, yeah, I'll take another sniff.
	There's no dog has ever been like, oh, that's not, I can't do that.
	It's savage.
	It's almost like they're on cocaine, you know?
	Because I feel like if you're on cocaine, you'll definitely, you'll smell somebody's ass more than once.
	here's a disease right here: narcolepsy is a disorder that affects the ability to control sleep wake cycles.
	Dogs can smell that?
	How do you smell narcolepsy?
	Two trained dogs detected 11 of 12 narcolepsy patients using sweat samples.
	Dogs can detect a distinct scent from the disorder.
	Wow.
	That is crazy to me.
	That's fascinating.
	I wouldn't want the sense of smell mostly, and here's our difference in ages.
	You're thinking sex.
	I'm thinking restaurants.
	Like, that's two.
	I like my food.
	Right.
	The less you know about how shit goes down in a restaurant, because I've worked in a lot of restaurants.
	Yeah.
	Do you know what I mean?
	You don't want to know what's happening back there.
	No.
	You just want.
	It's two different teams.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Restaurant is two different teams.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	It's the Bucks and it's the Chiefs.
	Yeah, you, and you don't, by the way.
	And the Chiefs are doing their best, man.
	They got a mixed guy back there.
	They're doing what they can.
	They got a couple brothers.
	You know what I'm saying?
	You know what?
	They're doing what they can.
	But the Bucs, man, the Bucks are showing up to eat.
	I'm saying, and you know what else?
	For me, like, I don't want to know how it got made.
	I don't want to know, like, don't, don't break, don't lift the, don't open the curtain for me.
	Don't show me that fourth wall.
	Nah, just make sure when it comes out, the plate looks clean and the food looks right.
	Yeah.
	Because don't be like, oh, sorry, he dropped a burger on the ground.
	We're going to have to make another one.
	Don't tell me that.
	Yeah.
	Just actually pick up that burger and wipe that motherfucker off.
	Because I'm not going to know, but now I'm going to think every burger has been dropped on the floor.
	Yeah, they drop everything.
	Do you know what I mean?
	Like, just wipe it off.
	You worked at restaurants?
	I'm sure you worked at restaurants.
	Oh, yeah, I worked at them, man.
	Oh, yeah.
	And gross shit happens in the kitchens.
	It's just, it's like, yeah.
	I mean, it's all, it's literally they're doing their best to get food out there.
	That's all they're doing.
	They're not, nobody's a chef back there in 95% of these places.
	I love it.
	I love it when they're like, when you ask a waiter and you're like, let me ask the chef.
	I'm like, is there a chef back there?
	Yeah.
	This is again, we're at Cracker Barrel, brother.
	There's no chef.
	Let me ask the chef.
	You call him a chef because he's wearing a hat.
	You know what I mean?
	Like, I make eggs at my house too, you know?
	Dude, I remember I used to work.
	I worked for this famous restaurant tour, this guy, Sam Fox, and this is when he first started restauranting.
	And I want to say he was just managing at this restaurant.
	And I worked there and some guy, this guy, a little Scotty, he looked like the chef from the Muppets.
	Can you bring that fellow up, Sean?
	I love that dude.
	And Sean's sometimes a little so.
	He's also a Tennessee Volunteers fan, so that all checks out.
	Sorry, but that is Volunteers.
	Yeah, that's all.
	That's all.
	Oh, this dude, yeah.
	Sun is joking, Sean.
	And I didn't even give Sean a mic to defend himself today either, so I shouldn't have said that.
	If you like sex or if you don't even like it, but you have to do it because you have a spouse or you have somebody who wants sex from you.
	You know, an inmate, somebody.
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	You know?
	And that's also a Vietnamese trick.
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	Onward.
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	So we had a guy look like this.
	This dude was probably 49, right?
	4'9, a little Scotty, they called him.
	And he had a chef's hat that was a foot and a half tall, dude, to make him fucking whatever, 5'11.
	And dude, these federal rallies, these like food federal rallies rolled in one day, kicked open the back door, and they busted him for slanging illegal shrimp.
	He had illegal U-12.
	Illegal shrimp?
	What does that mean?
	U-12 shrimp.
	You look up U12 shrimp.
	What?
	U12 shrimp.
	Yeah, see what it says.
	Jumbo shrimp, U12.
	Let's get an image of those bad boys if we can.
	I don't even know that the shrimp had names.
	Oh, yeah.
	Shrimp come in different colossal U12 white.
	So he was saying he had these, but he didn't.
	Caught shrimp $17 a pound.
	He did.
	He bought them illegally.
	Illegally.
	He went black market.
	Black market shrimp, dude.
	And they came in, busted and they put him on his knees.
	At that point, on his knees, he's 2-4.
	You know what I'm saying, dude?
	And they kicked his hat off, dude.
	And everybody was, bro, when he lost his hat, that's when he lost everything.
	Oh, yeah.
	Did all the illegal receipts from the shrimp come out from under his hat?
	That's where he was keeping them?
	Yo.
	Yeah, this is the shrimp chart right here.
	So you got small, that's those 51.60s.
	But wait now.
	You got medium, that's 41.50s, 3640s.
	But who's selling U12s that aren't U-12s?
	You know what I'm saying?
	Like, who's saying, hey, I got that U-12?
	Somebody, man.
	This is Tucson, Arizona.
	So people rolling around with fucking hot shrimp.
	And that's the thing, dude.
	You got to sell them fast, dude.
	You know what I'm saying?
	You got to sell them for the ice melts.
	It's that ticking time bomb of, you know, it's that pop quiz hot shot of seafood.
	Have you ever had food poisoning from seafood?
	I mean, growing up in Louisiana, you had bad fish?
	We had pretty good fish, I think, in our area, man.
	I think a lot of the Chinese came through recently, or the Viettes came through and gave us a...
	you look over that?
	You mean a different...
	Why?
	Are they eating all of the...
	In 2012, Vietnamese catfish captured around 20% of American frozen fish market.
	Whoa.
	In 2002, sorry, in 2002, Vietnamese catfish captured 20% of American frozen food market.
	In 2012, this figure went up to 60%.
	Most of the catfish you get if you go somewhere, it's not even American catfish, man.
	Wait, so they fly it over from Vietnam or they grow the Vietnamese catfish here?
	That's a good question.
	Let's go to Catfish Dispute up there at the top.
	Entry to U.S. market.
	After years of conflicts, the relationship between the U.S. and Vietnam was eventually brightened up when the embargo by the U.S. to Vietnam was lifted in 95. In December 2001, Vietnam signed a bilateral trade agreement.
	Oh, there it is.
	Imported from Vietnam.
	U.S. catfish is generally raised in Mississippi, Arkansas, Louisiana in ponds.
	Increasing number of catfish imported from Vietnam.
	I wonder why.
	I mean, it's not, you can grow, you can spawn as many fish as you need to in these ponds.
	Is it that much cheaper to fly them over from a different country?
	That's crazy.
	So then when you think about it, it must be.
	So then when you think about that with the shipping costs.
	That's what I'm saying.
	And to keep it cold, you have to keep it cold or keep it in water.
	Yeah.
	That's what I'm saying.
	So, and that goes back to, it's like when I used to eat breakfast at places like Shoni's, you know, Shoni's.
	Yeah.
	When they would say steak and eggs for $3.99.
	I'm like, leave the steak.
	Like steak by itself for $3.99, I'm not eating.
	But steak and other shit for $3.99.
	Do you know what I mean?
	But that's the thing.
	So what are they doing to that steak?
	What are they doing to that catfish to make it so cheap?
	Yeah.
	Maybe it's uneducated.
	I mean, I have no idea.
	Maybe it's raised in just a damn little fish kennel.
	It's so crazy.
	My sister has a bass in a freaking...
	My sister is pretty country.
	They live like within...
	You could...
	Uncle...
	Who's that guy in?
	And what?
	Uncle Rico.
	Uncle Rico could throw a football from a Cabela's to their house, right?
	Oh, yeah.
	And.
	Oh, yeah.
	And they have a bass in an aquarium that can't turn around.
	Yeah.
	So it just does this the whole day?
	Yeah, it's crazy.
	But it's been alive for like seven years, man.
	But angry.
	I mean, I'm sure it's not fired.
	Yo, that bass is the only bass that would straight up attack.
	That has got to be the worst life.
	Take me to the copyrighted that thing.
	Put me in the water.
	He's just pleading.
	Kill me.
	That is a tough way to go, man.
	It's a crazy life.
	But the kids are healthy.
	Her two daughters are doing fine.
	So they just, you know, they don't change up the game, man.
	But yeah, so it's crazy.
	A lot of, it is called way fish, I think, or we fish.
	Let me see what it says.
	Food labeling claims right there.
	Tra or bossa.
	They started name.
	So a lot of times it will say catfish on the menu.
	Yeah.
	And you're not getting catfish.
	And I could taste it, man.
	When I first, probably about five years ago, I started noticing even in New Orleans, man, I would just notice this catfish is real thin.
	It's just.
	Really?
	Yeah, it seems like it's probably a gamer.
	You know, it's like, yeah, yeah, it just didn't.
	It wasn't that thick, breasted filet.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	And that's when I realized that, oh, it was Viette, man.
	It wasn't even American American catfish.
	Yeah, I wonder what the cost, what is the cost savings?
	Can you look that up, Sean, what the cost savings are.
	But if they're smaller fish, too, because maybe that's it also.
	Maybe you're getting a smaller fish.
	But still, to have them sent on a fucking boat has got to be so damn expensive.
	The Great Catfish War rages on.
	Have you ever done the noodling?
	I haven't done it.
	We've had that young lady came on King in the Sting, Hannah Baron.
	Yeah.
	That champion girl.
	And what'd she say?
	What's the trick to that?
	She said just being tough, really.
	I think the biggest thing is just getting used to them biting you.
	It's basically getting your hands stuck in something really hard.
	It's just pressure, right?
	It's not teeth.
	Is that right?
	It's teeth, but they're not going to cut you open.
	So you're not going to slit your wrist or anything, but it's going to be spooky, you know?
	That's the thing.
	How are you with like, where are you with risk and adrenaline junkie and all that stuff?
	Like, is noodling something that you're like, I'd like to try that?
	I would do noodling.
	Me too.
	I agree with you on that.
	I would do noodling, but I won't skateboard.
	Me neither.
	Not at this age.
	Yeah.
	No.
	Theo, I hit the ground.
	I slipped on the ice two days ago.
	When's the last time you hit the ground hard?
	Young man?
	Oh, I got body slammed earlier today by a 65-year-old at the jiu-jitsu.
	How does that feel?
	It fucking felt.
	I felt like it, dude.
	I was willing to be his grandson for a second, dude.
	That's how weird it was, man.
	It was intense.
	I mean, that jiu-jitsu man.
	It's pretty hardy.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	It's pretty hardy.
	And you fell?
	You fell on the ice?
	Dude, I slipped and when I was right in front of my house.
	Going down the hill.
	So my dog took off.
	You guys are steep out there.
	Yeah.
	My dog took off and I slipped.
	So when I was in midair, he kept running.
	So he just pulled me.
	And when I landed, dude, I landed so hard that I was like, all right, I know adrenaline's with me, but I'm hurt.
	Dang.
	So as soon as I hit the ground, I started calling for Beth.
	I was right out in front of our giant windows.
	I could see her inside.
	It was like a scream movie.
	You know, when someone gets killed, but the people inside can't hear them?
	So I'm screaming to Beth.
	I can just see her, but I'm literally, and I'm trying to get on my feet, but my dog thinks I'm playing.
	So every time I get on my hands, he knocks my hands out from under me.
	Fucking, so he's knocking me down.
	And I had to crawl back up the hill because I was wearing pumas, no traction.
	I had to crawl, and every five feet I was crawling, he would knock me out.
	It was terrible.
	I got cut up.
	I got cut up on my hands.
	What's his name?
	Harry Styles?
	What's the dog's name?
	Indiana Jones.
	Oh, Indiana Jones.
	My bad.
	Yeah, Harry's, that's a better name, though.
	Indiana Jones, man.
	This dog has straight up lost his mind since he moved here.
	And what kind of dog is it?
	Let's see a picture of the dog like Pit Bull, half half Pit Bull, half American Bulldog.
	Let's see this dog right here.
	There's an upside down picture of him right there.
	Oh, damn.
	Look at that, dude.
	Oh, it's beautiful.
	How much is a dog like that way?
	68 pounds, dude.
	But he had huge nuts that Beth did not want me to take off.
	Y'all took him off?
	She was like, why are she kept saying every morning I would come down and she would just be petting him, but looking at his nuts.
	And I'm like, I said, what?
	That's the first sign of fucking somebody leaving you.
	When I asked her, I go, what's the deal?
	She was like, why are his nuts so much cuter than yours?
	I'm like, what's that?
	She goes, yours are wrinkly and like his are so smooth and tight.
	Yeah, he's got that good bag, man.
	But listen, man, he's younger than me, you know?
	I mean, I got a couple years on this dude.
	That's your guy right there.
	Have you seen that video of the dude making a bong out of a bass?
	Oh, yeah, I've seen that guy bass.
	Yeah, this, this dude.
	This dude is redneck as F. Tell me.
	I got to tell you.
	It didn't even work.
	Gang, gang, gang, gang.
	Gang, gang, gang.
	That's your guy.
	That's your guy, man.
	I didn't realize that is our guy.
	Oh, that's your guy.
	And this is me, obviously.
	That's one of my...
	That is one of my first headshots in L.A. Look at that, dude.
	That ain't you.
	Yeah, that's me, man.
	Is this in, hold on, is this near the docks in New York in 1908?
	Why do I look 80 in this portfolio?
	literally looks like my grandfather there is no Yeah, that's me in 1998.
	Let's look at some other ones, man.
	Let's look up, let's do Bobby Lee early headshot.
	You should look at Joe Diaz.
	Have you seen his early headshots?
	I'm trying to think if I have or not.
	His early headshots, that one right there, that's my one Bobby, I remember.
	Oh, wow.
	Yeah, that's the one.
	Wow.
	Look at him.
	He looks like somebody that works at Islands restaurant.
	Remember Islands?
	Yeah, but he also looks like a guy who works at Islands, but also gives hand jobs in the back.
	You know what I mean?
	But look at, not that one, but the one after.
	Look what happens after a couple years in L.A. Like that, that dude looks like very different.
	And look at this one with the guitar.
	Go look at that one.
	You can see how bad he's doing now.
	I mean, it's so crazy, right?
	He's really changed it up.
	Oh, Kalila took his nuts.
	You can tell that, David.
	He even talked about it in a recent episode.
	Oh, look at this legend, dude.
	Yeah.
	Oh, my God.
	Look at that.
	Yep.
	My brother took that picture.
	Come on.
	Look at his slinging dictators, bro.
	Yeah, dude.
	100%.
	Oh, bro.
	Now all his stories, it makes so much more sense when you see this guy.
	Yeah, dude.
	Because then now you see him as this more agile fucking, let's do it all, you know?
	Yo, so when I met him, he was 225 pounds.
	He would go on stage in a three-piece suit and he paced like crazy.
	Really?
	He paced like, and he did this with his hand all the time.
	So he made the people in the front row kind of uncomfortable because he was an intimidating dude.
	You know what I mean?
	But I will tell you, and I said this before, both Joey, because I started with Joey and Brody.
	And when they first started and they were writing jokes, it was almost unbearable.
	But when they would bomb and ditch their jokes and just become theirselves on stage, they would light up the room.
	And I watched them gradually progress into realizing, oh, I just got to be myself on stage.
	Especially those two guys.
	Do you know what I mean?
	Oh, yeah.
	They're personalities.
	Yeah, they're really, yeah.
	I mean, with Brody.
	Let's see Brody Stevens' early headshot, too.
	Brody, you had to buy into who he was.
	Right, that's the thing.
	You'd see people who are sitting there like, this guy is horrible.
	And it's like, no, you don't, if you knew that in the parking lot, he shows up telling people his vitamin regimen and how he's been doing.
	Yeah.
	If you knew that his GPA is something he really talks about, how he did in school at ASU.
	Yeah.
	It makes sense.
	You know what?
	3.6?
	Think about it.
	Yeah, If you knew that he just wandered around like that, then you weren't shocked when he got on stage.
	Just keep looking, see if you find anything.
	I mean, if you, you know, little things, Theo, like watching him stretch on stage, like kick his leg open because it was so authentic to just who he was.
	He got more laughs off of jokes that didn't have punchlines than anybody I've ever known in my life.
	I mean, it was amazing to watch.
	But he had his own way of, you know, he had his own.
	Yeah, he just did his own thing.
	But he, yes, he became just, they wanted to love him.
	And I think that's a lot of audiences.
	It's like they want to get to know this person that they're going to see, you know?
	And a lot of comedians, a lot of us, we think it's just about the joke and it's not about ourselves.
	But the crazy part is it's hard to get comfortable enough on stage to get back to just being yourself.
	It's like this big, huge circle.
	It's like in the beginning, you'd be comfortable by your friends.
	Y'all are comfortable having fun at the lunch table.
	You know, people spitting out milk.
	People having fun.
	It's fun.
	You know, it's fun.
	And that's where you get a little idea in your head, man, maybe I'm funny, you know, and then you take it on this big circle and there's no pressure at the lunch table.
	It's fun.
	It's all good.
	You're going to leave.
	They're going to leave.
	You're all going to class, whatever.
	And I feel like eventually the goal is to get back to that spot on stage.
	I agree with you 100%.
	I think, man, the trick for a lot of us is, so when you first start out, there are very few people who are confident enough to be themselves.
	You're some sort of heightened reality of yourself.
	Yeah.
	Right.
	And that heightened reality changes either in how you talk and how you, like, when I was a younger comic, heightened reality me was louder, moved around a lot more.
	Do you know what I mean?
	Oh, yeah.
	And so, but, but the trick is to, hopefully your audience allows you to grow and change and morph into the real you.
	Do you know what I mean?
	Hopefully your audience realizes that as an artist, you're growing also and you're changing.
	And I can't be the exact dude I was when I was 10 years in because I'm 15 years in now and I'm a different person.
	You know what I mean?
	And it gets scary as an artist too because you get stuck thinking, okay, well, is that just the, like, is that the only me?
	Is that the best me?
	Like, how will I can I shake that?
	Is it okay to grow into myself?
	Or is the audience still going to support me?
	I think also, like, if you get an audience too early, it could be bad if you haven't really become whoever you're going to be because then they're getting this like version of you that's not really refined or it's not really 100% as authentic as you could get.
	Here's a question that came in right here from someone.
	This could be Brendan Schaub.
	Hey, Josh.
	Dio.
	It's Brad from Vancouver, Canada.
	Hey, Brad.
	Josh, question for you.
	What is the craziest story you have about living with Joey Diaz?
	Gang Gang.
	Gang brother.
	All right, I got a couple questions.
	First of all, did he need to be shirtless for the question?
	I think it makes him feel...
	I can't make through an episode of The Wire without taking my shirt off.
	Well, yeah, but that's personal.
	You know what I mean?
	That's something where you're like, I feel like I need to breathe.
	Yeah, I feel restricted.
	But I do like the fact that he might have squeezed his nipple a little bit right towards the end.
	So I like this dude.
	That's that nervous habit, baby.
	And here I will tell you, my favorite Joe Diaz stories come from, you know, he used to babysit my kids.
	Right.
	And.
	Did you guys ever do The Road together?
	Yeah, man.
	He sold me once for a bag of weed.
	Did he really?
	For sex or what?
	Yo, so pre-phones, we might have had pagers.
	Me, him, and a guy named Lenny Schmidt.
	Lenny was living in Seattle at the time, but he's out of Chicago.
	Black guy?
	Nope.
	Irish dude.
	Bring up Lenny Schmidt.
	I just want to know visually who we're even thinking about.
	I don't want to be thinking and be wrong.
	Yeah, that's...
	Oh, he was in Joe Dirt.
	Oh, Lenny, huh?
	Yeah.
	Wow, there you go.
	Lenny Schmidt.
	So me, Joe Diaz, Lenny Schmidt.
	We drive down to Roseburg, Washington.
	We do a one-nighter.
	And we're out at the bar afterwards.
	And we're sitting as Joe Diaz called her.
	He was like, we're going to bring that girl who looks like me with a wig?
	I'm like, yeah, we're going to bring her.
	She wanted to come.
	I was like, yeah, we'll bring her.
	She was driving too, you know.
	So we go to this bar.
	I go to the bathroom.
	I come back.
	Joey and Lenny are gone.
	And I'm sitting there for a second and we're talking, me and the girl for a little while.
	And then finally, I'm like, where are Joe and Lenny?
	And she said, oh, Joey sold you for a bag of weed.
	And I was like, what?
	I thought it was a joke.
	And because he said, where can I get some weed?
	I don't have a lot of money.
	And she said, I can get you a bag of weed, but you've got to leave your friend.
	Damn, why are you in the John?
	And he said, deal.
	So I come out and I'm like.
	With property now.
	Yeah.
	I was like, well, I don't know how that's going to work.
	This is Jim Crow era.
	Yeah.
	I was like, well, I don't know if I'm down with that, you know, because she really, look, she was not my, that was not my style.
	She was not.
	And by the way, I'm not, I always dated bigger girls.
	So big isn't an issue for me.
	Like, I've always said, like, I like a girl with a, with a big ass.
	I like to see the wave.
	You know what I mean?
	I have a big mouth, so I like my girls to be a little bigger just in case there's a fight.
	You know what I mean?
	Yeah.
	And Beth is the first girl that I ever dated that was, I like them a little bigger.
	So this girl being big wasn't a problem.
	Just the entire situation.
	You weren't attracted to her.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	She goes, I go, let me drive me back to that hotel.
	She goes, oh, okay.
	Was she nice?
	Was she cool?
	Yeah.
	Until we got back to her place.
	Oh, yeah.
	Now, why'd you go to her place?
	I thought you said hotel.
	Okay.
	I go, yeah, take me back to the hotel.
	She goes, cool.
	And I don't know anything about this place.
	She goes, hey, I just need to swing past my place real quick to get some more weed for you guys, and then I'll drive you to the hotel.
	And I'm like, perfect.
	More weed?
	How much you guys going to smoke?
	Oh, I guess you got Joey Witch.
	I figured Joey, it's gone by the time I get to the hotel.
	Do you know what I mean?
	Let's smoke a motive, baby.
	Dude, I showed up at that house and we park.
	She goes into the room to get weed.
	She comes out in this crazy lingerie, dancing like the guy from Silence of the Lamb.
	Oh, yeah.
	You know what I mean?
	Yeah, yeah.
	But like, but like, let me give you an idea.
	The body type, like, the belly was bigger than the boobs.
	Oh, yeah.
	You know, and no booty.
	And so, ooh, and that's that Tampa, dude.
	That's that Tampa.
	Yeah.
	That's that Del Rey Beach stepmom, dude.
	But yeah, but I'm going to go even worse.
	Short curly hair.
	Ooh.
	Yeah, yeah.
	You know what I mean?
	The whole package was not.
	Yeah.
	But she's dancing in this lingerie and I'm like, hey, I got a.
	Yeah, I got a.
	And she goes, let me try something else on it.
	And I was like, no, no, no, no.
	Let me try something else.
	So she goes back in and I'm looking for yellow pages because I'm like, I'm going to call a cab.
	She comes out with another one.
	She's running her finger over my cheek.
	At this point, it's feeling kind of rapey.
	Yeah.
	Because I'm like, she's definitely double my weight.
	Like, I think I could outrun her, but she's got a car.
	Yeah.
	And she's bigger than me.
	Yeah, you can't just run off in a distance.
	So like this guy, there's a Buffalo Bill dance.
	Her roommate comes home with her boyfriend.
	He walks in and I stop him at the door.
	I go, hey, man, we don't know each other, but you got to get me out of here.
	And he was like, what?
	I go, I told him the situation.
	She comes out in her third outfit and he looks at her and looks at the girl's roommate.
	And the girl's roommate goes, you mind your own business.
	And the guy was like, I got to take him home.
	I can't do this to him.
	He guy-coded me and I was like, thanks, dude.
	He goes, yeah, I may not have sex tonight, but I'm going to save you.
	I was like, dude, thank you so much.
	We didn't drive, dude.
	We didn't talk on the way to the hotel.
	I just kind of looked out the window, like one tear.
	Like, it was a traumatizing, but he dropped me off and we just fist bumped, didn't say anything.
	I walked to the room.
	I knocked on the door.
	I go, Joe Diaz.
	He was like, who is it?
	I go, you know what the fuck it is?
	And I was like, can you give me some of that weed?
	He was like, no, we smoked all that dog weed.
	Yeah, he sold me for weed, was asleep in my bed, ate my food in my room, and then was like, hey, can you drive?
	I'm tired.
	But yeah, man, we've done some road gigs together.
	Dude, that's awesome, man.
	I'm trying to think if I had a good road gig story.
	What about the one where you and I tried to sell at a convention center?
	Oh, man.
	Is that the most embarrassing?
	That shows just how little we knew what was happening with stand-up comedy, Theo.
	Man, that was wild, man.
	So I'll start it.
	So well, Josh and his wife, who is from Lake Charles, was putting on a comedy show.
	And we'd just been on Last Comic Standing.
	And they're like, hey, we can sell some tickets.
	Let's do a show down in Lake Charles.
	You're from Louisiana.
	Best from Louisiana.
	Yeah, let's make it happen.
	We were just on TV.
	Yeah.
	TV must.
	Yeah, we're going to sell this place.
	Yeah.
	So how many seats was it?
	Let's look it up.
	Let's look up the place.
	The Lake Charles Convention Center?
	Yeah.
	I'm dying to know.
	Me too.
	Hold on.
	Be hold on.
	Let's guess.
	You want to guess?
	I'm going to guess, yeah.
	15,000?
	No, you think?
	I'm going to guess.
	Oh, you might be right.
	I mean, it's like the convention centers because Cable Guy had just played it.
	He had?
	Wow.
	I'm going to guess 2,600.
	7,500.
	$7,500.
	All right.
	Maybe it seemed like $1,500 because we only sold it.
	Can you show a picture from the stage?
	I want if there's any stage view.
	That's it.
	Wow.
	Do you remember how many people were in those seats, dude?
	So, I...
	At one point, we asked them all to come down to the front.
	Do you remember?
	So we were going to do radio, right?
	So we didn't even have radio planned.
	And the convention center called and they were like, are you guys expecting a late rush of tickets?
	And I was like, you know, maybe.
	I go, well, how many do we have sold?
	Because it was the weekend coming up.
	And they were like, we got 179 tickets.
	And I was like, what?
	And they said, yeah.
	And they said, we brought the curtains as far in as we can.
	Wow.
	But you know what I mean?
	Like, yeah, but there's still 4,500 seats exposed.
	Dude.
	And then here's my favorite part of that.
	Besides the fact that we did the show for probably, if there were 150 people there, I would be excited.
	I don't think there were.
	No.
	Some were bought as giveaways.
	I think so.
	Yeah.
	My favorite part about that, Theo, is that you know Beth made about 2,000 hats.
	You remember those hats?
	Oh, I still got a box at my house.
	I give them away on my lives.
	Oh, I love that.
	But there's about, it just says fairly normal.
	Because remember we made that poster.
	Fairly normal comedy tour.
	Is that it?
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	We made that post.
	We made like a fairly normal comedy tour.
	There's no way there's a poster.
	That was it.
	That's it right there, dude.
	Look at you.
	Wow.
	Look at that shit.
	August 5th, 8 p.m., Lake Charles.
	This was 2006.
	It should have said everybody who buys one ticket gets a whole row.
	Look at this, dude.
	Oh, this is so terrible.
	Why are you third behind Flip Schultz?
	I don't know.
	It's just the whole thing's cringe.
	It's awesome, though.
	I will tell you, man.
	Who opened the show?
	Flip.
	No, no, no, no.
	Amy.
	Oh, yeah, Amy Clare.
	Amy Claire.
	Amy Clare opened the show because she was from, we thought, oh, she's from around here, too.
	That'll help.
	She'll sell a bunch of tickets.
	None of us could sell anything.
	A ticket.
	Yeah.
	I mean, I think most of them were you guys' friends and family.
	All of them.
	Yeah.
	It was to this date like the most humiliating walking out.
	It has to be the smallest amount of tickets ever sold in a large place.
	can't imagine there's something smaller 160 tickets in a Yeah, in 7,500 seats.
	And I will tell you the truth: knowing what stand-up I was doing back then, that's about all it deserved.
	Yeah.
	Like, I didn't deserve more than 100 people.
	No.
	Dude, I was telling jokes about PT Cruisers that Flippa just bought one, and that was a crazy...
	14% of my jokes were about kind of a homoerotic essence of a PT Cruiser car.
	Yep.
	And Flip Schultz had just gotten one as like his dream car.
	Or not dream car, but he just gotta.
	He's pretty happy.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, and he was happy.
	Yeah.
	So it was like, oh, man.
	We had also just got through on the radio the day before.
	We had just got through doing about a half an hour rant on his hands.
	Yeah.
	Really?
	On his skinny little fingers and how, oh my God, dude, it was like, it was pretty crazy.
	And then he flew in.
	We had a great time, but 150 people was.
	I got a couple of those hats if you want them, man.
	I wouldn't mind a hat, I think.
	God.
	Yeah, yeah.
	I can't believe it was 15 years ago.
	2006.
	When do you feel like...
	Yeah, 2004.
	When do you feel like, like around what time with your stand-up?
	Because I think this happens for everybody where you feel like, oh, you really sunk into it.
	You're like, got it.
	Well, I thought about this the other day.
	We were talking about it at the comedy club.
	I was thinking, you know, I always felt like in the beginning of stand-up, it feels like there's like this tide coming in of like pressure from the audience.
	You're like, okay, I have to get a joke.
	And there's, you know, I got to get another joke.
	And okay, there's a laughing, but it's all like defensive.
	There's this tide coming in and you have to like battle it and battle it.
	And then eventually, over time, and you don't even really notice it, you get up and you don't, you're the tide.
	Yeah.
	So you are putting out the pressure.
	You are putting out the force.
	There's nothing coming back in.
	Maybe every now and then there's a little bit of like a undercurrent or something of like, okay, maybe I should move this along or I'm a little rusty.
	But there's, it gets to the point where you're the ocean.
	You're the force.
	And I think that's, that's just what I noticed over time.
	And I don't even know when it happened, really.
	I think, you know, maybe, like, there was one point where I got upset with Hollywood and I just felt, well, I didn't, I don't know if I got upset.
	I've always kind of had a chip on my shoulder about Hollywood just because I feel like they don't put a lot of people, like regular people up in Hollywood that much anymore.
	And it's a lot of nepotism now.
	It's like this person's kid now.
	It's just, and the kid has no culture.
	You know, it's just there's no, so I think I was always trying to like sound like a perfect guy who would be somewhere, you know, oh, I'm in the yard next door, you know, like just this thing that would be okay for Hollywood.
	And then at one point, I just said, dude, I'm just going to talk about what I like to, what I know.
	I'm going to talk about just the shit that was around me growing up and just the weird people and the shit that happened and people, you know, they busted a man trying to be a ghost in our town and just shit like that, you know, just like stories from home.
	Do you feel like your comfort level, do you feel like when you started sitting down was also around the same time you got more comfortable?
	No, I don't think so.
	I think I started sitting down just because I have one story that takes like about 12 minutes and it's kind of better from a stool.
	And so I think that's kind of led to me sitting down.
	I think in the future, I'll probably have to get back on my feet to really start to feel everything again.
	Getting older, it gets more comfortable sometimes sitting down too.
	You know what was for me?
	Like I, it's about nuance.
	Like it is about the performance, you know?
	And as I've gotten older, I've really given myself more leeway to be experimental on stage.
	And so I did one whole tour from a stool.
	Then I did the next year just standing in front of the mic.
	Wow.
	And then I did one of just moving.
	And so I was like, it's so interesting.
	Now I can tell what part of the story needs me to be still and what part of the story needs the motion because it really adds to the punch.
	You know what I mean?
	But if you're always moving or you're always still, like, I really feels like you can figure out in your act what parts work better like that.
	You know what I mean?
	And to me, those nuanced parts is what happens when you get a little older and you've been doing it a while.
	You're like, oh, this joke's going to work better if I sit down for the minute leading up to it and then stand up for the joke.
	Yeah.
	Or little shit like that.
	That comedy nerd stuff, I've really started to dive into, you know?
	Yeah.
	Well, you and me are more storytellers, I find, you know, and there's not a lot of that these days.
	Everything gets real cut and dried in stand up.
	Are you, and I noticed that you, there was something up there that was dirty and you said F. Are you, do you consider yourself clean?
	I think I just don't like, I try not to be vulgar.
	Right.
	Like I noticed it started just, I don't know, and I probably have a very bad understanding of if I am vulgar and that I'm not trying to be vulgar.
	Right.
	But I don't like, I think some stuff it feels too graphic to me.
	It just like, I don't know, a lot of times it takes people out of it, I feel.
	You know?
	I feel like if like there's a lady listening and she hears, you know, if she hears me say the pussy or you know, you know, ejaculation or something like that or E-Jack or something, sometimes they, they shut it off.
	Yeah, E-Jack's a tough one, I heard.
	Well, E-Jack is easier.
	Yeah.
	You get the point across.
	Yeah.
	Well, you know, it's interesting.
	I think it has to do with being authentic, right?
	Because very rarely do I hear people get offended by Joey because it's so authentic coming out of his mouth.
	And if it's not authentic to you, then I think it offends people more easily because it also sounds.
	Oh, that's a good point.
	Do you know what I mean?
	Yeah.
	I'm never offended by anything Joey says because I'm like, that's just.
	It's like when a white guy says the N-word kind of, it's like, oh, that sounds a little inauthentic.
	Yeah, you're trying a little tough.
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	Let's uh, oh, here we got a question right here from a young gentleman right here.
	Beautiful fellow right here.
	It looks like the same dude with his shirt on.
	Yeah, it could be.
	It could be the same guy with his shirt on right here.
	Beautiful man.
	Hey, what's up, guys?
	Quick question.
	Josh, probably more towards you.
	I got this little swag daddy over here.
	Yeah.
	He's a player?
	You know, he's a stud.
	He's probably going to mount a lot when he gets older.
	Respect.
	But he's the defiant one.
	Starting not to listen.
	And I know when he gets older, he's probably going to be a little motherfucker.
	So I want to know, you know, in this new woke age, you can't hit your kids anymore.
	Spank them.
	So, Josh, what do you, you know, is there any other ways to discipline them?
	I know timeouts for pussies.
	Theo, you know, we come from a different time.
	Do you, you know, I'm sure you got spanked when you were a kid.
	Do you actually think it worked?
	Because when I was a kid, I remember the beatens.
	I don't remember why I got the beating.
	So I don't know if I actually learned anything from it.
	So I don't know.
	If you guys can give any help, it'd be appreciative.
	Thanks, guys.
	Gang.
	And yeah, man.
	Yeah, man.
	Yeah, man.
	Man, well, here's the deal.
	For a child that age, it's hard for them to understand discipline.
	And I firmly believe, especially that age, all physical does is instill fear.
	Because you have no understanding at that age.
	You know what I mean?
	I didn't hit my kids, but I do think every kid needs to be parented differently.
	Like I have three older brothers.
	We're all different people.
	We all responded in different ways.
	All my dad had to do was raise his voice to me.
	And I was like, fuck it.
	I am good.
	Like, I'm ready to do whatever you need.
	My brothers weren't that way.
	I will tell you this, for me, for my kids.
	And I think Jacob is a good dude, man.
	He's turned out pretty well.
	Yeah, he seemed like a really cool guy.
	Man, there are things that they, here's the thing.
	You don't negotiate with terrorists.
	They're all terrorists.
	Yeah.
	You don't keep giving chances.
	I always told my kids, here are the rules.
	You're not going to hear me tell you again and warn you.
	I just gave you the warning is the rule.
	So there's, you have to know, they have to know, oh, if this happens, I'm going to get in trouble.
	Right.
	And take everything.
	Phone, Xbox.
	You know, this generation of kids thinks they're so tough.
	Have you seen videos of people getting their Xbox taken?
	Or, oh, they try to, I mean, what's that crazy video where that dude tried to shove the remote control in his own asshole?
	He was so mad at his parents for stealing his.
	They go crazy, dude.
	They're not.
	All you gotta do is take the phone, take the Xbox.
	They lose their mind.
	They don't know what to do.
	No, take what they love.
	Jacob one time defied me because I told him, no vapes, man.
	I better not ever see you with a vape.
	You never saw this, Theo?
	Uh-uh.
	Oh, my God.
	I can't believe you.
	My mom just canceled my brother's Lord of Warcraft account, and he is freaking out.
	Dude, I can't be seen.
	Oh my god.
	This is fake.
	This is fake, dude.
	Wait, DMing's the best.
	I don't think it's fake because I don't think kids are that good actors.
	Look how crazy.
	I don't know.
	Kids are willing to be good actors because they have no idea how ridiculous stuff is.
	Oh, he's naked now after the sheet?
	Damn.
	Wait.
	Oh, my God.
	Here comes the...
	Come on, Greg.
	Watch this.
	Oh, my God.
	How primal, huh?
	Is this what you want?
	We're gonna need my life.
	We're gonna need my life.
	BAMAS!
	Stop!
	See, no way.
	Now, this kid needs his ass beat.
	This is when you beat a kid.
	Yeah, man.
	But all I'm saying is, for me, it's just a tantrum.
	It's like watching a baby, you know?
	But here's the deal, dude.
	So my son tried to throw a tantrum at a grocery store once.
	My oldest son, Trevor.
	I left him.
	Yeah.
	I go, hey, Man, we don't do this in public.
	And I go, We're leaving.
	He was like, Oh, no, leaving.
	I go, Cool.
	I am.
	Yeah.
	I got Jacob, I got my daughter.
	We got in the car and we drove the fuck home.
	What time did he get home?
	Oh, no, no, no.
	I mean, he was eight, so I didn't leave him, leave him.
	I drove.
	Oh, wow.
	And then I drove back.
	I see.
	And they were going crazy.
	Like, I came back.
	I came back like 20 minutes later.
	The other kid's like, you're leaving him?
	Yeah.
	And I was like, yeah, I'm leaving him.
	And I go, no tantrums.
	This isn't what we do.
	Yeah.
	I remember my dad left my brother for real.
	But like.
	Oh, yeah.
	We got left.
	I mean, my mom would be like, yeah, I can't come get you.
	Or if there was any, oh, I'm gave Spankings.
	I'm trying to think of what else.
	If we got really left.
	Yes, she would be like, you know, I'm not coming to pick you up.
	And she'd have to walk home.
	I remember walking three, four miles to get home.
	I remember walking when I wanted to go somewhere a lot of times, you know, or taking my bike.
	You know, I bike three, four miles.
	My brother walked like 11 miles once to the movie theater, you know, which is insane, I thought.
	And I think the girl didn't even show up.
	That is the, because the whole way he was going, especially back then.
	Yeah.
	This is Louisiana, bro.
	It's humid.
	Yeah.
	That first 200 feet.
	It's a wet.
	Oh, he couldn't wait to get in that cool, dark movie theater sitting next to his girl.
	Sitting next to his girl, dude.
	Watch a little point break.
	Oh.
	Oh, and you know, when he got in that movie theater, he was sweaty.
	He was chilly.
	I remember still trying to make out with girls at movies.
	Dude, yeah.
	My thing was I'd invite a girl and I would get there and I would get there.
	I'd invite a girl when it was cold out and I'd get there early.
	So I'd have to pay to go in and then they'd have to pay to go in for themselves.
	Oh, you weren't, you were going Dutch?
	I don't know if I was Dutch or not, but I paid and I hoped that they would pay.
	You got in there.
	You're like, oh yeah, I waited for you.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	It was so cold out.
	I also didn't have money to pay for it.
	My first girlfriend looked like a boy anyway, bruh.
	What was his name?
	Her name was Susanna, and she's very beautiful, adult woman, but at the time, she had a very kind of a masculine energy as a child.
	Was she your first girlfriend?
	Yeah, I think she was.
	She used to lift me up.
	Like I would kiss her and she would lift me up at the fucking bus stop and like put my legs around her waist.
	Like dirty dancing shit?
	She was taller than me.
	She was older than me.
	Oh, really?
	She would literally lift me up and put my legs around her waist.
	Yeah.
	And the guys on the bus would show up and they were all losers.
	None of them had any girlfriends, you know?
	And they'd be like, look at this fuck, you know?
	I'd be like, what are you talking about?
	It was bad, though.
	She had you in a little baby Bjorn.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Facing forward.
	Yeah.
	Yo, when I was real young, this girl, I must have been in sixth grade.
	This girl convinced me her name was Stephanie.
	And she was like, because I didn't know what you were supposed to do with girls.
	And I remember kissing her and stuff.
	And she was like, tomorrow night you can go up my shirt.
	But the back, and it was still skin, you know?
	Oh, yeah.
	So when I would go up the back of her shirt, dude, she would make her little, you know, what are those?
	Fine, baby.
	She would make the, what are those, your shoulder blades?
	Yeah.
	She would stick them out so I could feel it.
	Ooh.
	Yeah, man.
	So I was like, I remember my brother being like, that's what I told my brother.
	I said, back boobs.
	And he goes, that's not a thing.
	I go, it's the part.
	He was like, you have them too, stupid.
	Yeah, but they're not hers.
	They're not on Stephanie.
	Yeah, dude.
	I would go up there and squeeze those back boobs, man.
	Dude, I remember, yeah, this girl that I dated, she wore a bra.
	She didn't even need a bra and she wore one.
	And, oh, man, I just remember being in heat, you know?
	How psyched were you that she had a bra?
	Not even the boobies.
	Just the bra, man.
	Oh.
	What am I even doing around this?
	She was rich, bro, and we were so poor.
	I was so embarrassed, man.
	Sometimes my mom would have to take us to the movies.
	Mom had like the smallest car.
	It was like she had a Ford Festival, bring that bad cat up.
	Yo.
	This thing.
	And they had like Mercedes or something.
	And they were like Ford Colorado.
	Let me see.
	Oh, that was it.
	Right there.
	Boom.
	Right there.
	That was it.
	That was mom's car, dude.
	Now let me ask.
	No, the gray one.
	The gray one.
	Automatic or manual?
	It was automatic.
	Manual.
	I do miss the manual.
	Like down here?
	Yeah, I was on the floor too, so it was five, dude.
	I was so embarrassed to be in there.
	Yo, we didn't have a car.
	Anything ran on my tears, I felt.
	And I feel bad, man.
	My mom was just trying to be a mom, but I was just.
	I love how it says pristine 1993 Ford Festival.
	Damn, that bitch is ricking mints.
	She's sharp.
	Oh, you could drive.
	That's a damn suppository, dude.
	You could fill that thing with Xanax and drive it into your butt.
	That thing is intense.
	Yo, how much do you think?
	Let's make a guess.
	Price is right rules.
	How much is a 1993 pristine Ford Festiva going for?
	I'm going to say right now in today's market, I'm going to say $7,000.
	Well, I think you're overshooting that.
	I'm going to say...
	I'm going to say $4,250.
	No, $3,750.
	$4,999.
	That's a good idea.
	Hey, that's not for the car.
	Are you looking in the car part?
	That actually, I mean, doesn't seem too far off.
	They have so many dope older pickup trucks in Nashville.
	Oh, yeah.
	Around this area.
	I started looking at them.
	I started thinking about, I ended up getting a Ford Ranger.
	That's what I got right here.
	I saw that.
	I ended up getting a Ford Ranger, but I thought about getting to get one of those Tesla trucks when it comes out.
	Those things look amazing, man.
	Have you seen the Rivion truck?
	Uh-uh.
	Oh, you got to see that.
	Well, who makes that?
	I'm not sure.
	Can you?
	Sorry, so I'm going to get you doing a million things.
	Dude, let me ask you one more question about your stand-up.
	Because as I'm writing more and more.
	You write on stage or you write here?
	I write on stage.
	You got me talking about it.
	And then I bring it off stage and then I'll spruce it up, you know?
	when you write on your computer, do you find that your jokes are different than the ones you come up with on stage?
	You know, when you're sprucing it up, right?
	Yeah.
	I find whenever I write, whenever I sit down to write, I don't write jokes the way I talk.
	So my best punchline is always come on stage because I'm writing the way I talk.
	Oh, yeah.
	And then I'll record it, then I'll record it and then rewrite it down.
	Yeah.
	Got it, got it, got it.
	But yeah, I find the funny thing for me, I've had jokes that I wrote like 10, 12 years ago that I've never tried on stage, that I've always wanted to, and I'm still afraid to try them sometimes.
	So Theo, this special that I'm doing on March 4th, I found my very first comedy CD.
	And I was like, let me just listen to this.
	I made like 20 of them.
	And I thought, there's a bunch of good premises here, but I'm going to rewrite every joke and redo it.
	Really?
	So I didn't punch them up.
	I rewrote every joke under the microscope of who I am now.
	It was such a cool thing, man.
	Because a lot of those jokes, you know, when I listened to old jokes, I listened to the CD and I was like, oh, that's a good joke, but I thought it was over.
	Like, if I got a laugh, I was like, okay, now I can move on.
	As a younger comic, you're like, well, I don't need to dig or, you know, and I just found there was so much more.
	So this, the March 4th special that I'm doing is like the one I'm most excited about that I've ever done because it's, it's, I've never done this before.
	I've never rewritten an entire hour of material.
	Do you know what I mean?
	Yeah, totally.
	Under being a better.
	So it comes out when, January 4th?
	March 4th.
	Okay.
	It streams live.
	So I'm doing one take.
	Dang.
	One take.
	I'm streaming it live.
	Wow.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	But you know what, man?
	I love that shit.
	So I like kind of that fight or flight feeling.
	And so that really will give it to me.
	Dang, bro.
	That's ballsy.
	And where are you guys going to film it from?
	Here.
	Wow.
	That's awesome.
	Congrats, dude.
	Thanks, man.
	And yeah, you can get the tickets on my website, comedianjoshwolf.com.
	And will it be up online after or no?
	Yeah, but we're going to, obviously, we're going to wait a little bit because we want people to, here's what I really want, man.
	I'm trying to show, hopefully, this is going to be good for all of us.
	Because hopefully we don't need HBO or Netflix.
	If we put this up, man, and me with my reach, I sell a certain amount of tickets.
	And I say to you, I go, Theo, we may not need Netflix, man.
	I sold this amount of tickets.
	Lord knows what you could sell.
	And then you own it.
	Do you know what I mean?
	So you're still making the paycheck that Netflix is going to give you.
	But you get everything else on top of that.
	And you know the special is going out to the people who want to see it because it's your people.
	So I'm really trying to not upset the Apple card altogether, but a good amount of tickets sold will change the business.
	It could change the business for all people.
	Oh, yeah.
	You know what I mean?
	Look, I love that.
	I love the idea of trying it different, trying something new, trying, you know, to put the power back in the hands of people.
	It's crazy.
	It's like, yeah, it's crazy how much power that a lot of these companies and they can flag you.
	They can take stuff down.
	They can limit you.
	They cannot give you opportunities.
	It's just crazy to think that, especially since a lot of the media is just extremely liberal, which is fine, but it's not fine if that's the judgment, because there's going to become judgment with that.
	So there's going to come judgment against certain types of comedians.
	Sometimes you could say they're just letting through what they want to let through.
	And so that could be a little bit scary.
	Nobody should not have a chance because the guy at the finish line wants to move the finish line or make it only for certain people.
	That's crazy, right?
	And I'm not saying that really applies here, but it's really kind of like what it feels like sometimes like Hollywood has become, you know?
	I think there's no doubt.
	I think that, you know, my content has always been more geared towards the middle of the country than it has.
	Like my worst room to perform in the country for me consistently is that main room at the comedy store.
	Yeah.
	Easily my hardest room.
	My toughest room.
	I'm not and never have been really one of the cool kids.
	Do you know what I mean?
	And it's a cool, that's a cool room, man.
	And the people come down there are there to see the cool kids.
	And I feel like my humor is just a little broader.
	My stories are a little broader.
	You know what I mean?
	They're relatable to a large group of people, but not so much on the coasts.
	And there's been harder rooms for me.
	You know?
	I'm trying to think of what my hardest room has probably been.
	You know where I've always had a tough time, man?
	I feel like is in Minneapolis.
	Well, the House of Comedy?
	Yeah.
	Those ceilings are thousands of feet high.
	Oh, that's insane then.
	Yo, so those ceilings.
	Literally, I tried to fucking jump off that thing.
	I landed on a bounce house.
	There's so much going on in that mall.
	Yeah.
	It's on the 17th floor.
	There are penguins in that mall, bro.
	Dude, it's insane.
	There's a gun.
	There's a gun range.
	Next to the weed store.
	Yeah.
	I bought weed and then I went and shot guns.
	Yeah.
	Puff, puff, pop, pop.
	And there's that water slide in the mall where you can smell the herpes.
	That place is like, you can't go to a water slide in a mall unless you want every disease.
	Yeah.
	You got to cover your eyes.
	Get it on.
	Yeah, let's get in there, man.
	Mouth open.
	Let's get into that.
	Yeah, your daughter's pregnant, but she's only been on the water slide.
	Your dad's like, where have you been?
	She's like, water slide.
	Like, who's that?
	A black dog?
	You're like, no, that's a mall.
	Yeah, they got a ice skating rink in there, man.
	There's a little bit of everything.
	Yeah, yeah.
	I can't believe you hadn't seen that video of that kid with a remote control.
	Well, here's why it seemed fake to me.
	Because the brother runs in there, sets it up, and then the kid comes in.
	It's the exact way you would do something that was fake.
	The only, and that was my first thing to think too, except the kid.
	I just don't buy that you, like, I have kids, I just don't buy you go that mental.
	But do you feel like I feel like he's always playing to the camera?
	I feel like a little bit like he's playing to the camera, but also I'm a naysayer, so I would say that I would say what I just said, and I love weird shit, so I'm just gonna believe it.
	Yeah, yeah, you're right.
	You know what I mean?
	It is a lot more fun.
	It's more fun for me just to believe that that kid, you know.
	I love the fact at the end, the guy tries to put the remote into his butt because it's like him saying, you know what, I'm gonna fucking show them.
	I'm gonna put something in my own ass.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	You know, that's how much.
	Which is a lot of, I think a lot of gay young men feel that way too.
	It's like, okay, this neighborhood has wronged me.
	This community hasn't accepted me.
	I'll show them.
	I'm going to put something in my ass.
	I'm going to go sit on that long jockey.
	Yeah, yeah, something.
	Like, it's just, I'm going to fucking own, I'm going to control something, you know?
	I'm going to put direct TV right in my damn directory.
	You know?
	I'm going to freaking.
	I am going.
	I'm going to watch F is for Family on my damn kidneys.
	I got to tell you something, though.
	If that dude could control the remote control inside of his butt cheeks.
	Oh, now we're talking vibe.
	Yeah, if he could pick channels and stuff, that would be pretty impressive.
	This dude.
	Vincent Jackson must, wait, man, he had been DMing me, which is crazy.
	Really?
	I feel like he'd been DMing a lot of people.
	Yeah, he would just kind of communicate and he would send a lot of stuff that I felt like was kind of wild, like links and things, you know?
	Like just crazy videos.
	Sometimes some of it was a little bit too, it was almost like, it was like somebody getting hurt or something, you know?
	Yeah, I don't like those videos.
	So some of that, sometimes I even said one time, I said, I don't like that kind of stuff.
	Yeah.
	But he seemed like a nice guy.
	I mean, I just messaged with him a few times.
	But this is so sad, man.
	Hillsbury County Sheriff Tamp Radio discussed the key findings, autopsy that Jackson was suffering from chronic alcoholism.
	Man.
	Let me ask you something, man.
	Because I, for sure, I deal with my own depression stuff, you know?
	It seems like so much of this, like the more I'm aware of it, when you read it, you're like, this just all feels like part of mental illness.
	You know what I mean?
	Yeah.
	And like, especially for guys like this, I'm sure it's harder when you've been such an alpha masculine dude where your body is basically that when your brain starts to betray you, that you just might, you must not want to admit it.
	You know what I mean?
	Oh, sure.
	It's hard enough.
	Like, I have had a hard enough time, and I'm not some alpha ultra masculine dude, but for these guys to admit that their brain is betraying them must be the hardest step for them.
	You know?
	That's a good point, man.
	I hadn't really thought about that.
	Yeah, because it's the total opposite of everything, of like the weights and the ability and the- All that shit.
	Yeah, push through it.
	It's total opposite of everything that they've heard.
	Yeah, I can't imagine, man.
	And I think some of the come down of being like a hero.
	I mean, this guy was a, he was great at football.
	I thought he was still playing.
	I can't believe he, you know, I think it had been five years since he last played, which I found was kind of amazing.
	But, you know, maybe I wonder if he knew that I had suffered, you know, with drinking or drugs.
	And maybe that's why he had reached out at some point.
	I don't know.
	He never said anything like that.
	Yeah.
	I just found it kind of interesting.
	Maybe he was just a podcast fan, you know, I don't know.
	But, you know, I do find that like people do reach out, though.
	You know, I talked a couple weeks ago or maybe a couple months ago on Fighter and the Kid about my daughter and her being in rehab and all that stuff.
	And more people reached out.
	And I do find that when, and I don't know if it's part of being in the program or part of being in recovery where you know that the more people that reach out, it almost makes that other person feel better.
	Do you know what I mean?
	Feeling less alone, I guess.
	Oh, yeah.
	And so maybe that's part of the thing that he, you know, he understood that that's where you were coming from too.
	And it just made him feel less alone, maybe?
	I don't fucking know.
	Yeah, I don't know.
	I wish he'd have led some sense.
	You know, I don't know.
	I mean, yeah, like I'm sure he was communicating with a lot of different, you know, people, but he was just, I don't know.
	It's just sad to think that a guy was at a, you know, that had checked into a hotel and had been there for almost a month, it seemed like, or three weeks.
	And that he had.
	By the way, if you're in a hotel for more than two weeks, something's up.
	Yeah.
	More than two weeks?
	Yeah.
	In the same place in Bradenton, Florida.
	If you're in a hotel for more than two weeks...
	I mean, look at this guy.
	Physical specimen, apparently a really nice guy.
	I mean, but also, the effect of alcoholism, if you look at it, like he just finished playing five days ago.
	Days?
	Or five years ago?
	Oh, yeah, yeah.
	Can you put any other information?
	Can you go to another article?
	Do you mind, Sean?
	But did they say how he...
	Does it say how he died?
	Let me see.
	I was found dead in a Florida hotel room, 38. Housekeeper, dude.
	You know those housekeepers.
	Anytime I've been high on drugs or whatever, that's the scariest thought is like that.
	That's who's going to come in.
	And think about that.
	They're a mom.
	They're a person, too.
	It's not like they can just put you in, you know, sweep you up.
	And then, you know, I mean, they got to probably like rope the room off now.
	Now they got one less room.
	They're being able to rent out.
	They've seen some housekeepers have seen some shit.
	We need to get a good housekeeper on here, Sean.
	Housekeep.
	I always thought, dude, a book I would read tomorrow is a book just from anonymous housekeepers talking about weird things that they've walked in and found in hotel rooms.
	Bro, I'll tell you one right here.
	And R.I.P.
	Vincent Jackson, man.
	And just so sorry, bro.
	Yeah, I mean, I just can't imagine him getting stuck inside of his own head and thinking he probably couldn't say anything to anybody.
	But how fast you have to be drinking for alcoholism to progress when you just played football five years ago, I feel like that's pretty quick.
	Yeah, because to kill yourself with alcohol usually takes quite a long time.
	Right.
	I mean, I mean, I would speculate he probably couldn't be drinking as much during his career.
	So that's what I'm saying.
	Like, they had a kid from hometown who just died, this young fella named Court, named after the Play Space, you know?
	Yeah.
	And he died and he just drank himself to death.
	I mean, just crazy.
	And when I think about it, I'm like, man, yeah, he was always drunk every time I saw him.
	Like, yeah, that kind of stuff just doesn't end well, man.
	And I'll tell you this.
	So one time I had, I was doing comedy somewhere and a girl that I've been seeing or some girl I'd just met or something and I had ended up sleeping in the same bed, right?
	And I don't remember if we I probably remember, but I just don't, I'm either I'm not sharing if we'd had sex or if we just made out or if she just slept over.
	I don't know.
	I don't know.
	But in the morning, she had gotten her period, you know, while she was asleep, menstrual cycle.
	So she left.
	Okay.
	Yeah.
	She left.
	I don't know if you want to, I don't know if you, maybe she won a grammar contest or something, you know?
	Maybe she won a punctuation contest.
	Maybe she was, maybe punctuation Phil had seen his shadow, you know?
	And it was going to be so she was celebrating.
	But anyway, so I went to the cleaning lady, you know, and I noticed, oh, the sheets have blood on them.
	So I should probably say something to cleaning lady.
	It's just not a nice surprise probably to get.
	So I went, and the lady didn't speak any English.
	And I didn't know what language she spoke because I hadn't really met anybody that had spoken different languages.
	So I'm literally like, and I was just like making a bed shape with my hands.
	And then I was like, whoa.
	Like, I didn't know how to like, I didn't know how to tell her.
	Yeah, yeah.
	So I'm like, whoa.
	So that was pretty wild, man.
	Yeah.
	That was pretty wild.
	Dude, so here's a story.
	So I heard this story when I first started comedy.
	So there was a guy who was a headliner, right?
	And he said, well, I was doing a show somewhere.
	I don't even know where, maybe like Rochester or something or Texas.
	And he said, after the show, some hot girl came like beelined for me after the show.
	Because, you know, like at funny moments and stuff, you do the show, then you kind of go to the bar.
	Yeah.
	You know, and so you migrate, especially when like you're just coming up.
	It's like where you go to like show your feathers, sell some merch, see if there's any ladies around there.
	And you're at the bar and you're pretending that you're like not noticing who's coming over, but you know.
	Oh, you're heavily noticing.
	And if nobody comes over, it hurts.
	A lot.
	So anyway, this guy says, I'm at this, I'm at this, this lady comes over and she's like beelining for me.
	And she's like really hot.
	She's really coming on to me.
	And immediately she says, let's go back to your hotel.
	She says, let's go back to my place.
	And the guy's like, man, you know, he's thinking, I got to leave in the morning or whatever.
	You know, let's go back to my hotel.
	It's close.
	So they go back to his hotel and they're kind of kissing and making out a little bit.
	And like, she's like all over him and she's acting kind of crazy.
	And she keeps saying, let's go to my place.
	Let's go to my place.
	I have some drugs at my place.
	So finally, it gets too much.
	Like the lady's just being like way too crazy.
	And the guy just kicks her out.
	Says, look, you got to leave.
	You know, like, this is just, I don't know what's going on.
	You got to leave.
	So when she's leaving out of the hotel, she sees the feature that was working there, right?
	I guess he's coming in, you know, doing whatever he's been doing, eating hot dogs.
	So she runs into him.
	She says, hey, that guy just kicked me out.
	Do you want to come back to my place?
	And the feature's like, yeah, you know, this is better than the four hot dogs out of eight, right?
	So anyway, next thing you know, they're in a taxi.
	They get dropped off.
	It's like about a 15, 20 minute drive.
	It's kind of like out into the burbs, you know, out into the woods.
	They go into the house.
	They lay, they like, she like takes him into this room, kind of takes his clothes off and stuff.
	And they do some pills.
	They do some type of a drug, right?
	And then she like handcuffs him to the bed and starts giving him a blow job.
	Well, she passes out in the middle of the blowjob.
	So he doesn't know what to do.
	He's handcuffed to the bed, right?
	He's like, what am I even going to do?
	This is before a cell phone.
	So he's like, holy shit, I don't know what to do.
	Like, I can't even call 911.
	Some headlights come across the house, like somebody pulling in the driveway.
	Oh, no.
	So he hears the front door open.
	A man comes, an older man comes, looks in the room, sees him there, comes in, picks the girl up, takes her out of there, then goes into the kitchen, like makes himself something to eat, right?
	The whole time, this dude's freaking the fuck out, right?
	Losing his mind.
	Then the guy comes back into the room and says, this is what he said.
	He goes, that's my daughter, right?
	Oh, no, no, no, no.
	And I never want you to come over here again, right?
	Then give the dude a blowjob, bruh.
	The guy did?
	The dad.
	Give the dude a blowjob right there on his penis, bruh.
	And then, then this is the crazy part, took him, drove him to a payphone and dropped him off.
	And the dude called the headliner, said, hey, man, I need you to get in a taxi or something and come get me.
	I need some help.
	And so he got in a taxi to go get him.
	And that's where he was.
	And that's the story he told him when he got in.
	Let me tell you something.
	First of all, I mean, that dude takes his job as a parent a little too seriously.
	You don't get a pickup where she though.
	You know what I mean?
	It's not an IOU.
	This is where he uses spanking.
	I mean, you don't have to pick up the blowjob for your daughter, bro.
	Was he like, what were you doing?
	Blowjob.
	All right.
	it seems like, you know what I mean?
	That's probably didn't need to.
	That's the gnarliest story I've ever heard.
	Yeah, but let me.
	My second question is: man, why is this dude getting hard for dad?
	Like, that seems like.
	It could have been out of fear, fear hard.
	A fear boner?
	I think, can you get erections out of fear?
	Will you look that up, please, Sean?
	I'm sure.
	Some people love that.
	Do you know that there's a whole porn site where people like to masturbate, but they use tears as lubricants?
	Oh, my God.
	That is like the, to me, that's a different.
	Let's like.
	It's recycling, but it's too much.
	Yeah, it is.
	I like it.
	It's environmentally.
	I like it, but like.
	Here we go.
	An individual who has a condition is a phallophobe.
	The term is derived from the word phallo in Greek meaning penis and at times denoting masculinity.
	Dude.
	Coupled with the suffix phobia.
	So you said pennis.
	There was a guy who played baseball against us when I was growing up.
	His last name was P-E-N-N-I-S.
	Oh, wow.
	Pennis.
	But not in high school, your name wasn't Pennis.
	No, dude.
	No.
	It's a tough.
	Yeah, man.
	I also had a kid in my high school named Brian O'Brien.
	And when he used to walk down the hallway, we'd go, Brian.
	O'Brien.
	And he was like, fuck you.
	And we'd go, Brian.
	Oh, Brian.
	We had a Neil McNeil.
	I was like, your parents just like are not, they don't like you or like.
	Yeah, that's too much.
	You can't name your kid Neil McNeil.
	Yeah.
	Sometimes.
	Neil McNeil, yeah, that's too much.
	Danny, Danny.
	We had a guy named Danny Danny in our town.
	We had a couple.
	Their names were Jerry and Dolly Jolly.
	Ooh, yeah, yeah.
	But some families, they like that Ronnie name, you know?
	Where they name all their kids like a J. Oh, yeah, we had one.
	We had Ronnie, Ronnie, Donnie, Johnny, Lonnie, and wait, Ronnie, Bungie?
	Bonnie?
	No, it was all men.
	Ronnie, Donnie, Lonnie, Johnny, and.
	Tommy?
	No, it had N-N-I-E.
	And it was not supposed to be.
	Oh, yeah, like a made-up name.
	Bronnie?
	Yeah.
	Like that?
	Yeah, like Sonny or something.
	Where you're like, that last one, you could tell who was born last.
	You're like, we ran out of.
	Yeah.
	Like, oh, that last one's a risk.
	You know, when, you know, I got grandkids, right?
	And so when my oldest son was like, you have to pick your grandparent name.
	Damn, you got grandkids, bro?
	I got four grandkids, bro.
	What?
	You didn't know that?
	We must protect this house, bro.
	I can't believe you got four grandchildren.
	My oldest son is 28, man, you know.
	I didn't know that.
	You know, he just, he had to, he got medically, he got med boarded out of the army in December.
	Like, he's just medically, he can't do it anymore.
	And so, but he's been living in Fort Hood in Texas.
	He's moving here.
	Really?
	Yeah, man.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	So the grandkids will be here?
	He and his wife are divorced, so we'll see them some.
	But when he called and asked me, he was like, man, what do you want your grandparent, your grandfather name to be?
	I said, can you give me to tomorrow?
	And he said, yeah.
	Nice, good call.
	You can choose immediately.
	Well, I need to think it out.
	You know?
	And so Beth went with Bibi.
	Oh, that's cool.
	Because both of us were like, if somebody calls me grandpa at the park, I'm not looking.
	Yeah.
	Like, do you know what I mean?
	Oh, totally.
	I can't go with grandpa.
	Yeah.
	It's like if somebody else fag it.
	Yeah, just stay focused.
	You know what I'm saying, bro?
	Don't turn.
	Just stay in your lane, bro.
	It ain't about you.
	But when, so he, okay, he calls the next day and Beth goes, I'm going to go with BB.
	That was my great-grandmother's name.
	And obviously her name is Beth and easy for the kids to pronounce BB.
	So my son goes, what do you want your grandfather name to be?
	And I said, LeBron.
	And he went, what?
	And I go, how cool is it to go to BB in the Bronze House?
	Yeah.
	Bibie in the Bronze House sounds like a place.
	Sounds like a cartoon.
	Yeah, I want to be.
	And plus, I just wanted to be at a park and hear a kid go, LeBron.
	Because you know everybody's going to be like, get the.
	You know what I mean?
	And to have me run up.
	And so he said to me, he was like, you can't, I'm not letting you do that.
	I was like, and he asked me, he said, is everything a joke with you?
	I was like, yeah, are you new?
	Like, you've been in this family for, you thought I was going to pick like Papa or some shit like that?
	What would be a secondary when the Jojo?
	JBJ is kind of cute.
	I'm in JoJo.
	Jojo's good.
	We're BB and JoJo.
	Oh, I like that.
	Yeah, we're like an old dying of plane crash now, doesn't he?
	Or somebody chokes on a sandwich, I feel like.
	Yeah, it also kind of sounds like a sandwich, the BB and JoJo sandwich.
	Yeah, I like that.
	I like BB and JoJo.
	Do you see, what's the thing that happened in Texas with that governor?
	Did you see that?
	The mayor wrote that note?
	Texas mayor tells residents, can you zoom in?
	There you go.
	Thank you.
	Let me see.
	By Tuesday morning, the residents of Colorado City, Texas were getting anxious.
	More than 24 hours had passed since a deadly Arctic blast knocked out power across the state.
	Residents turned to a community Facebook group to ask whether the small town planned to open warming shelters while others wondered if firefighters could do their job without water.
	Colorado's mayor chimed in.
	Less than comforting message.
	He said, no one owes you or your family anything.
	Mayor Tim Boyd wrote, I'm sick and tired of people looking for a damn handout.
	What?
	That the lazy residents find their own ways of procuring water and electricity.
	Immediately drew backlash later on Tuesday.
	Boyd announced his resignation and admitted he could have used better words.
	How do you procure electricity?
	Like, what?
	Right, okay.
	Highlighted how one of the worst winter storms in decades is testing the limits of the embrace of self-sufficiency and rugged individualism in Texas.
	So it's a good question, man.
	Like, I don't know.
	You know, I was thinking about this the other day.
	Sean, will you grab me an extra water by chance you want?
	Thanks, man.
	How would you do survival?
	Well, I was thinking about this the other day.
	So I was talking to my friend in Louisiana and he said, oh, there's rolling blackouts.
	So some friends are coming over tonight because we have power tonight.
	I said, okay, that's interesting.
	So it made me think, like, what if the power company, I'll take the death.
	So, thanks, brother.
	So what if the power company, like, like, the power company is not a guarantee for, like, It's part of society that we've gotten to.
	We're lucky enough to have like this thing, this structure, you know.
	But yeah, like, what if it went out?
	Like, so I don't know where this mirror was coming from.
	I mean, that's probably certainly the best way to word things if you're the leader.
	But I mean, if it's people sitting in a home, they're freezing to death.
	Yeah.
	And it's, you know, at some point, you have to start a fire for yourself or you have to go to somebody's house that like you have to also take action.
	True, but you don't want your leader to be like every man for himself.
	That's basically not the message.
	You know what I mean?
	But that's a great point.
	You know, your leader is supposed to be your leader.
	Let anybody else panic.
	But if you're panicking, it's over, you know.
	But it's one thing to tell people to get water because there's snow outside.
	So, you know, there's moisture.
	You can figure that out.
	Procure your own electricity.
	Look.
	I mean, I wouldn't even, if I would, first of all, I'm going to have to Google procure.
	I don't know exactly what it means.
	I think I do.
	I think it's how you treat ham.
	Get that mic open.
	Yeah.
	Go back to the, yeah.
	At least 10 deaths in Texas have been linked to the winter storm since Monday, according to the Houston Chronicle.
	So, yeah, I mean, it's wild.
	I think maybe this guy was probably just upset about other stuff and probably attached it to this.
	Yeah.
	But if you were going to procure your own electricity, what would be your first move?
	I'd probably get a generator, gas-powered generator.
	Ooh.
	Or I would start burning stuff.
	I mean, it's tough.
	But you can't burn it outside because the storm is obviously going to...
	But you can't burn it inside either.
	Because of the gas, yeah.
	Yeah, yeah.
	You know what I mean?
	So the heat, that's the thing that I don't know exactly how people were doing it unless you had the generator.
	Right.
	So yeah, I think that's a good point.
	So I guess maybe they're thinking, yeah, find other people that have generators.
	It's also tough with this kind of article.
	You don't know if people's cell phones are still working.
	You don't know if the roads are able that people can drive on.
	I wish they knew they would say what set this man off.
	But yeah, if you're the leader, I think you probably got to find a better way to lead.
	Yeah, you can't come out and be like, hey, you pussy.
	Procure some electricity.
	I'm like, well, I don't even know what that means, man.
	I don't know how many electricity did Google procure, so you're going to have to break it down for me a little better.
	Yeah.
	But if you're in your house yelling for help, but you also have legs at work, it's like, then that's on you also.
	But I think one of the big issues we have in America today, Theo, is that people have forgotten that two things can be true at the same time.
	Yeah.
	Two things can be true at the same time.
	You know, whether you're talking about this pandemic where two things can be true at the same time, do masks cure everything?
	Nah.
	They don't.
	You can still get it if you have a mask.
	Yeah.
	But is it possible that they help?
	Yeah.
	Right?
	So there's two things.
	People are saying you're yelling at each other and both of what you and I are saying are the same, are true.
	Do you know what I mean?
	It's possible for two things to be true.
	This also.
	Should you wait to die?
	No.
	But is it up to you to procure electricity?
	No.
	Probably not.
	Not at first, yeah.
	Do you know what I mean?
	Like, so I think it's probably, that's the thing.
	Like we've, we've lost the ability to go, yeah, that can be true.
	What I'm saying is also true, but that can be true also.
	Yeah.
	There's no, there's no room for two sets of truths, which most things have.
	Yeah.
	Most things have two sides, and most of the time, both those sides have truth to them.
	Yeah.
	That's why people are so, it's so easy to pick a side now, right?
	We're so tribal now.
	It's not that there aren't, we can't find facts.
	There are too many facts available.
	Yeah.
	So I can find a fact that'll back up whatever the fuck I want to tell you is true.
	I can find a fact online, an article online, a news site online that'll back me up.
	You know what that does?
	That makes me seem smart.
	That gives me a fucking hill to stand on.
	So I never have to listen to you.
	Oh, yeah.
	Do you know what I mean?
	I just saw it online.
	And everybody in your echo chamber says the same thing.
	So it must be true.
	But two things can be true at the same time.
	That's a good point, man.
	Ability to see.
	They just had this UFC girl that lost her job.
	Did you see this?
	This Carano girl?
	Yeah, man.
	As a Jew, I think it's not good.
	Did you have any thoughts on it, man?
	Look, I think the equivalent is a complete false equivalency.
	Of what she's making here?
	A complete false equivalency.
	The fact that she has said some things that upset people and they're going after her online is not even close to what Jews had to deal with in the 40s in Germany.
	Oh, yeah.
	It's not even...
	That's it.
	Even if their ideas are wrong, even if their ideas are deemed wrong.
	Yeah, it's like it's gotten to this place where it's like, if somebody, because then you end up with a herd of people who will just never say anything.
	But they're angry all the time.
	Right.
	And so Nick Cannon to me was the best example.
	When I heard what he said, I was like, oh, this dude just doesn't get it.
	He doesn't know.
	Yeah, he's just reading like some bad.
	He watched some bad Malcolm X. He's regurgitating some false narratives.
	And I'm not saying Malcolm X is bad.
	I'm saying he watched some outtake of Farrakhan or something.
	There's some videos that get passed around even by smart people that I know that I'm like, are you seriously sharing this?
	Dude, I could not agree with you.
	You want it goes around, it's like that, oh, white people are afraid if black people got in power that they would treat white people like they treated black people.
	And I'm like, this is insane.
	I haven't seen that one.
	Is that a FerraCon one?
	Yeah, I think it was a Farrakhan one, but just some of the stuff that like, I don't know, just like, it's just so like, I don't know.
	I just, I can't believe some people would share some things that they share, you know?
	I think this seemed probably, first of all, unnecessary.
	I think if you feel like you can't be heard, which I think you can't, if you have, if you have like, it's not even, if you're not like almost openly, because they had that silence is violence thing like during BLM.
	Like if you're not openly liberal, a lot of times I feel like you definitely get stared at for not making a lot of the same statements, you know?
	Here's the thing, man.
	But, like, we're making people scared to speak.
	So you drive people underground.
	Yeah.
	And when you drive people underground, what happens is they get angrier and angrier and angrier and angrier.
	And then it probably erupts in something like this.
	And then something happens.
	And then something happens.
	And for me, like, look, Nick Cannon was the perfect example.
	When I read it, I'm like, this dude just needs to be, take him to Auschwitz.
	Take him to the places that can show him exactly what he's not hearing about this history.
	Right.
	And by the way, somebody did, I think Julian Edelman, the dude from the Patriots, Jew.
	I believe he's the one who might have taken Nick Cannon to Auschwitz and sat down, introduced him to some rabbis.
	And the rabbis are like, here's the history of Jews.
	And Nick Cannon was like, got it.
	Got it.
	Right.
	But we've stopped even allowing that.
	Julian Edelman goes at Nick Wright on Twitter.
	No.
	We've stopped allowing there to be...
	And instead of like people offering to do that now, they take people's jobs away.
	They denounce them.
	They make them, I don't know, they like, I guess they cancel them.
	Like, I feel like, yeah, maybe it's better if someone says, I think you don't understand some things.
	Dude, some people are racist and it's hard to get through there.
	And some people are just ignorant to it.
	And ignorant, I don't mean that in a...
	Yes, I don't mean that in a negative way, right?
	So to me, you know, Julian Edelman getting in there with Nick Cannon and Nick Cannon meeting with rabbis, that's education.
	Right.
	And so what that does is when you cancel them, you make him angry.
	He hates Jews more.
	It's their fault.
	I lost my job.
	And he perpetuates it.
	And instead of that, it stops there, hopefully.
	And so, and a guy with a good, with a loud microphone can be like, hey, this is actually the way it is now.
	There are some people I just don't think you reach.
	And by the way, from Cool Hand Luke, some people you just can't reach.
	Oh, yeah.
	So you get what you had here last week.
	Yeah.
	But I think, man, that it's all about being able to sit down and talk to people.
	Yeah.
	Because canceling people gets, it doesn't do anything.
	Well, I think it's also losing some of its appeal, and it's making people really turn away from a lot of Hollywood.
	It's like, so these people just cancel anyone who, like, and it's not in this instance, you know, I mean, this is, I mean, you know, it's like some of this seems pretty intense, but she must have felt for a long time like she can't say anything or she can't speak.
	Look, I don't agree with a lot of the things that she's posted, and I don't think any of them mean that she should have been canceled off that show.
	Yeah.
	I just don't think that that's the right message to send.
	Again, when you're pushing a group of people underground because they think differently than you, that is dangerous.
	That's how you have uprisings.
	That's how you get a bunch of angry people fighting back.
	Because whether it's true or not, look, man, it's perception, your perception of how things are is your reality.
	Right.
	Whether it is reality or not, right?
	So if you have, say, 2 million people who feel like they're being persecuted, whether they are or they aren't, and being pushed under the ground, where they are or they aren't, it's going to bubble up.
	There's no way for it not to.
	And so I just feel like we're going about this in the wrong way a lot of times.
	There's some people who do deserve to get canceled.
	Oh, yeah.
	I think there's some people who are, yeah, there's people who, you know, there's people all over the place that probably deserve probably definitely some sort of some sort of reprimanding, some sort of real action against them, you know.
	But it is, it's definitely like, it's become a place, a lot of social media has become a place where you can't, it's not even like, it's like they group everybody, I feel like there's a lot of grouping of white and poor white people that they're all racist or they're all this way or they're all dumb or they're all ignorant.
	And it's like, man, it's so hard to be poor and white.
	Like, don't you understand?
	Like, I think it's hard to be poor, dude.
	In anything.
	But why does one color of poor get treated differently by the media than another color does?
	Man, that just baffles me sometimes.
	Well, I just think that, and I grew up poor too, man.
	Like, we grew up in no car.
	And, you know, I remember walking to school and we just rode our bikes and we had to borrow a car to go grocery shopping.
	And, you know, I wore hand-me-downs because I had three older brothers.
	Oh, damn.
	I wore hand-me-downs until I was like 12 or 13. They started off as overalls and they finished his pants.
	Yeah, man.
	I mean, I didn't have, like, you know what I mean?
	So I get it.
	I just think that it's not that white poor people are treated differently.
	I just think they're not portrayed at all.
	Visually, we're not being asked to feel sorry for or support that community.
	Yeah.
	And I don't know the exact reason for it, man.
	And I think all media is unfortunately intentionally divisive because I think fear motivates people to do things more than anything else.
	The thing that's going to motivate you to do something the most is for me to get on camera and say, hey, everybody, these people, this group of bad people, they're coming to take something away from you.
	Something you already have.
	Nothing motivates you to do something than somebody coming to take some shit I already have.
	Do you know what I mean?
	That'll get you scared.
	Guns, rights, whatever it is that you're coming to get.
	Think about this, dude.
	Yeah.
	Think about the mask.
	And I'm just using this because it's current.
	And for me, guys, I fall right in the middle of it.
	I wear it because I think I don't think I'm going to die from Corona, but you know what I don't want?
	Whatever the fuck those people are having because it sounds terrible.
	Two weeks of that sounds terrible.
	You know what I mean?
	Yeah, yeah, I agree.
	And do I have underlying health issues?
	I don't think so.
	But I also know other people that do.
	And the mask is no big deal to me.
	But here is how crazy people get.
	So it's all about my rights, my rights, my rights, right?
	Okay.
	Hey, man, make sure you put your shoes on before you come to the restaurant.
	Okay.
	Hey, man, make sure you put that shirt on before you come to the restaurant.
	Okay.
	Why?
	Because these are old rules.
	Nothing's being taken away from us.
	I grew up with that.
	I see what you're saying.
	There are rules that you've right.
	I grew up with that.
	So it just seems totally normal to me.
	But why is it any different?
	So what I'm saying is, if you said to me, hey, you can go into a restaurant with people wearing masks and no shoes or shoes and no masks, I'd be like, no shoes, because I'm not going to get a sick, I'm not getting sick.
	But it's just an irreasonable law, rule that was already there that we all already accept.
	But now that I'm telling you, you got to do it, now it's my rights.
	Do you know what I mean?
	Yeah, it's interesting.
	Yeah, it's because you're taking, yeah, you're taking something away from me.
	That I've always just taken for granted.
	Now, obviously, that's not the whole thing, but that is got to do with it.
	You're taking it from me.
	That's a part of it.
	Yeah, that's definitely a part of a lot of things, I think.
	Yeah, it's like you're taking something away from me.
	It's like, just think of the seatbelt, dude.
	The seatbelt is something the government makes you do because they're telling you it's better for you.
	Yeah.
	There's nobody like, hey, fuck you and your seatbelts.
	Yeah.
	You know what I mean?
	They can't make me wear a seatbelt.
	Well, yeah, they can.
	And you've just accepted it.
	Yeah.
	It's just different, man.
	When you start to get things changed or taken from you that you feel like you should have a choice over, it'll fuck with you as an adult.
	Yeah, it does, I think.
	And especially as you become an adult, because those are things you're used to.
	Yeah.
	It's just like, yeah, and then you start to feel like if I lose this, then it's going to be other things.
	And when does this kind of stop?
	100%.
	100%.
	Yeah, it's interesting with the mask thing, man.
	It's really interesting.
	I think the tough part for me sometimes is when I have to be like in a doctor's office or in a place where you have to keep it on the whole time.
	And then it's like, it starts to be like, you lose the ability to, you don't even feel human a lot of times.
	You're just like, you're stuck in this thing and they're stuck in that thing.
	And you're just kind of getting done whatever business you need to get done.
	100%.
	And there's no value in like being like a human anymore.
	And then I think you attach that, if you then attach that to the fact that there is, you know, that the government is mandating it and that like, you know, it's instead of just letting the disease pass through like herd immunity type of thing, they're like trying to like mandate everyone's movements and everything.
	It's scary for some people when the government starts to step in and tell you what you should or shouldn't do.
	My whole thing with this and basically whatever you want to use, whatever example, climate change or anything, right?
	I'm not very smart.
	So what I do is I go, okay, what did the majority of smart people say?
	If the majority of smart people were like, hey, if the majority of doctors said, hey, Dad, don't don't wear the mask.
	I'd be like, yeah, everybody, don't wear the mask.
	And some say don't wear the mask.
	But to the doctors that I've spoken to, the majority of them are like, yeah, just wear the mask.
	It's probably easier.
	So I'm just listening to what the majority of people who are smarter than me think.
	I'm going to tell you right out.
	You know what I know about the disease?
	Nothing.
	I don't know shit about it.
	I just know the same articles that you've read.
	So I just ask people who are smarter than me, and that's all I can do because I'm not that fucking smart.
	So when I hear people like, you know what it is, dude, come on, man.
	You know what I mean?
	It's tough to like.
	You have mustard on your face, dude.
	It's tough to get to that level.
	And it's also like we're at an age where we are not like susceptible.
	We're not like the primary candidates of people that are going to get injured or something.
	I do think it's crazy sometimes how every place it's like lock up the gram.
	It's like put old people on the side and I think open things up and let people live their lives.
	It's crazy to me how a place like Tennessee will be open and a place like Los Angeles will be closed.
	I know there's a lot more people in Los Angeles, but it's still not like it's rampant in Tennessee.
	I think the problem has been we're all we're all you know you go back to it.
	If I we go back to what we're talking about with the kids if we all consider us kids right consistency there's never been a consistent message which has sowed basic distrust into now everybody since there's never been a consistent message and it's never been consistent in the places in the country everybody's like well nobody knows shit so I'm coming up with my own idea you know and at this point we're too far in to shut it down again oh I agree with that you know what I mean I agree with that if it was gonna happen it's
	everybody should have been put their big poy pants on for those first two months but after the first two months it's out there but I feel like the first two weeks everybody was locked up you know maybe they weren't I mean what if maybe they weren't I don't know you know what's interesting man for me it definitely feels like to me that things should be open and we should keep real good care of our senior citizens give them some money so that they're able to take care of themselves yeah and let everybody else go back to work man that's what it feels like to me i
	um i talked to my dad can i tell you what my dad said yeah he's 83.
	and um it was a couple months ago and i was like and he's you know my dad is a my dad is the most honest moral ethical dude and um but i asked him i go so uh what do you think about maybe we should just start the economy and i'm thinking about maybe hitting the road a little bit i just need i can't not work dad i just i can't go another year with not working and i could hear him just steaming and i was like what's going on and
	he said well let me ask you something have i lived my life pretty well and i go yeah and he goes i raise my kids and i'm definitely not at the beginning of my life is that right and i said yeah and he goes so i because you can't figure out your shit i have to live the rest of my life indoors is that what you're telling me i don't deserve the respect like i haven't lived my life i didn't the rest of people my age we didn't build this country for you guys that we have to live our last years indoors because you can't figure out how not to go to
	a fucking bar on a friday and i was like and i said i completely understand that i go but what about the small business dude in new jersey who's been shut down for seven months and he goes no i get that he said but you can't just open it up wide.
	We got to be smarter.
	He said, Because I don't want to die in my house.
	Yeah.
	And I was like, I, and I couldn't argue.
	Remember how we were talking about two things to meet you at the same time?
	Yeah.
	I couldn't argue with that.
	Do you know what I mean?
	Yeah, yeah, no, it's tough to, yeah.
	What are you going to say to that man?
	So, like, you're not going to his life is his reality, and it makes perfect sense.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	So for me, I'm with you.
	Like, we just got to figure out a way you can still be smart.
	You know, those 27-man orgies, maybe stop.
	There's been a couple of those.
	You see really getting busted.
	All men.
	Dude, there was one 25-man.
	This dude.
	25. Apollo.
	25. Dude didn't show up.
	Yo, a 25-dude orgy.
	That's a lot.
	Yeah, that's a lot of ticks to worry about, man.
	This guy got caught sneaking out of the back.
	Oh, definitely he did.
	He got caught sneaking out of the back of a 25-dude orgy because he's an anti-LGBTQ politician from Hungary.
	But he was anti-LGBTBQ and he got busted.
	And that's always how they do it.
	Yeah, coming out of 25 guys.
	First of all.
	How do you pick your 25?
	You know what I mean?
	Like, how do you pick, and is 25 the limit?
	Two of them right there in the distance, right there.
	Jose Zaja.
	Yeah, this dude.
	Now that's a lot of men are, you know, without ladies out there, we got to at least let the ladies loose, man.
	Look at this guy.
	It looks like, I'm picturing 25 dudes who look exactly like that dude right there.
	You know what I mean?
	Just, oh, man, just playing fucking booty darts.
	This dude, this dude, when he has sex, his face gets sweaty.
	There's no doubt this dude's face gets sweaty.
	I bet he keeps his shirt on during sex the whole time.
	That white t-shirt?
	Yeah, oh, I bet he keeps his watch on.
	Oh, yeah.
	Watch?
	What time is it?
	Time for me to keep fucking.
	Yeah, but I think he goes, when he goes sex, he goes glasses off, but he puts one monocle in.
	Yeah.
	Monocle, sweaty face, white t-shirt and socks.
	Yeah, he should definitely at least sell merch.
	How do you fucking, that's the problem, bro.
	If you were elected official and you get busted into sex crime, sell merch.
	You got to merch now, man.
	How are y'all not selling merch?
	I mean, it seems like, I mean, what's the t-shirt you wear and jumping out of a 25-dude orgy?
	Yeah, it's just like a picture of you like leaving a house and there's like 25 sets of eyes and one of the, peeking out one of the windows.
	Or how about I went to a 25-man orgy and all I got was this lousy t-shirt?
	That's the one to do it.
	All right, you win the shirt idea.
	Yeah.
	Let's bring up another news article.
	What else do we have?
	And then we'll finish up here, man.
	Let's go with that Logan Paul.
	What's he doing?
	Now, did he sell his home?
	Does it say?
	What does it say here?
	Zoom in a little.
	Thank you, brother.
	The pandemic has fueled a dramatic new wave of high-profile migration, sending tech workers to Texas, Wall Street types to Florida, and YouTube provocateur Logan Paul to Puerto Rico.
	Paul, an influence and entertainer, told his 2.8 million YouTube describe it for Tuesday he was leaving Los Angeles and moving to the heaven on earth of Dorado.
	So to me, this is a community about 30 minutes west of San Juan, has become a favorite spot of wealthy mainlanders.
	To me, this sounds like he did ayahuasca.
	And just took off and went to Puerto Rico.
	Now he's making a choice here now.
	Yeah.
	I got to tell you, you know, first of all, love Puerto Rico.
	It's a beautiful place.
	But I understand they have some weather issues down there where you might not want to build a super expensive home.
	Yeah.
	Because the hurricanes whipped through there pretty good.
	However, you know, it's a beautiful spot.
	Oh, yeah.
	Puerto Rico is beautiful, man.
	They got that Three Kings Day, Tres Reyes.
	Tres Reyes.
	Which is also a gang in part of America.
	But it's crazy here in California paying taxes and for what?
	Paul said on his show, Impulsive, the streets are not fixed, homeless people everywhere, a darth.
	Oh, I'm surprised he knew that word, but I respect that, Logan.
	Well done.
	A darth of unemployment.
	COVID not handled.
	I don't love it.
	Yeah, man, there's a lot of things about California that lead it to, that I think have led to some of its decline in some of our minds.
	I mean, for me, number one was definitely taxes.
	I just didn't feel like paying taxes to just such a place that, to me, it just becomes so just too far lopsided, just out for blood, not as creative as I felt like it maybe once was.
	Too much nepotism.
	I feel like not enough chances for the regular person that's moving there.
	And I could be wrong.
	I could be totally wrong, but there's just thoughts that have been in my head.
	I'm not saying they're accurate.
	For me, the taxes, I was like, I didn't mind paying the taxes when I knew what my taxes were going towards.
	Why am I paying taxes and stepping over homeless people wherever, not, it's not just in one part of the city now, everywhere.
	Yeah, man.
	They're making community.
	Why am I paying taxes and it's so dirty?
	Do you know what I mean?
	Like, if I'm paying this money.
	It's a lot of money.
	Yeah, a lot of money.
	Then what am I getting from it?
	And I wasn't getting anything.
	And not only that, man, honestly, it's like I said, and I should have left a couple years ago.
	I never felt like I was really part of the cool kids.
	And I felt like I feel so much more creative and relaxed here because I don't feel like competing all the time.
	Oh, yeah.
	I'm not waking up wondering what other people are doing.
	That's a great point.
	Do you know what I mean?
	Yeah, that part of my day is gone.
	It's like I'm just a little creative and maybe I can spend some time taking care of myself.
	Yeah.
	Did you wake up also and worry about what other people were doing and what other people I just found like I'm like, why am I in my own head competing with these people?
	Yeah.
	We're not competing.
	Do you know what I mean?
	Right.
	We haven't Done that here?
	Yeah, I think, well, I still have my apartment there, so it's like, and I'll probably go back and spend some time there, especially as the summer comes back and it's nice, you know, to get to the beach and also to do podcasting and stuff like that.
	But it's nice to not have, it just never felt like, it always felt like work.
	It felt like the second I got off the plane, I was at the office.
	And just like, man, I'm at this.
	And then if I was home for two weeks, I'm just in an office for two weeks, whether I'm sleeping, I'm at my bed at home or anywhere I am.
	Just always like this never-ending buzz of office stuff.
	And then I really feel like some of the creativity there has, it's been so separated.
	It's like so second, third, fourth generation, just people getting opportunities on their name and stuff that they've lost sight of like a lot of the and not only lost sight, but kind of separated themselves from a lot of the places in America where a lot of good storytelling comes from and like, you know, and a lot of creativity.
	Like creativity is kind of a group process, you know, and when you, when you really minimalize yourself to very, you know, kind of narrow lanes of okay thought, I think, and I'm not saying if they're right or wrong, but it very much leaves you in this place where you can't really tell a joke if there's no, if there's not a wall to bounce it off of sometimes.
	And it's like they just have created this place where I don't even, you see some of these new comedy shows and comedy specials, and it's like, there's not even any jokes in it.
	It's not comedy.
	No.
	It's not comedy.
	It's crazy.
	And I don't know how they get out of that, how they get out of this like spiral of, oh, you're worse than I am.
	You messed up.
	You're bad.
	You know, I think podcast has helped stand up more than anything.
	Yeah.
	Because it's allowed.
	Praise God, man.
	Right.
	Because people have gotten used to.
	Remember when people used to talk to us about jokes per minute?
	It got to be 70 jokes per minute.
	Yeah, there's not enough jokes per minute in that story.
	You're like, oh, but I'm telling a story.
	Like, it's got to be.
	So I really feel like it has helped.
	But I think what started happening in LA, for me anyways, is that everybody kind of looked at Joe or Segura or you or Bert.
	And the path to success started to become very repetitious, very copycat.
	And so I think a lot of the creativity had, it's like, you know, a couple years ago, maybe 10 years ago, everybody who left New York comedy scenes sounded like a tell.
	Everybody had his cadence.
	Do you know what I mean?
	Not because they were ripping it off, but he...
	Right.
	And so I think there's so much of the influence from the top that creatively, a lot of the stuff that's coming out is starting to look the same.
	We haven't had that next wave of who's doing something different.
	Interesting.
	You know what I mean?
	Right, and I wonder if there's...
	It usually always does.
	Yeah, I think so.
	I think so.
	You're right.
	Josh Wolf, he's got a new special on March 4th.
	Streaming it live.
	One take, dude.
	Dang, that's risky, bro.
	But it's going to live for a week.
	So if you can't watch it on Thursday, March 4th, it'll live for a week on that link.
	It's only $10.
	Yeah, and we're upsetting the Apple cart here, everybody.
	I like it.
	I like somebody changing the game, man.
	If this goes well, then who knows?
	We could all be doing this.
	So that's exciting to see.
	Yeah, man.
	And you get to set your own price.
	It lives for as long as you want it to live.
	And then you own the material.
	So you get to do what you want to do.
	Oh, I feel you, man.
	I feel you, man.
	I have a special with Netflix, but then after that, I think this might be the future, you know?
	And it's nice to see you, you know, Neil Armstrong and out there, man.
	Yeah, comedianjoshawolf.com, everybody.
	Don't pay no attention to that picture.
	I'm going to have to get a new one.
	Holy shit.
	We'll see you guys.
	All right, man.
	Now, I'm just floating on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
	I must be cornerstone.
	Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this piece of mind.
	I found I can feel it in my bones.
	But it's gonna take a little time for me to set that parking break and let myself online shine.
	Find that light on me I'll sit and tell you our stories Shine on me And I will find a song I'll stand just now.
	I've been moving way too fast on the runaway train with a heavy load of my past.
	And these wheels that I've been riding on, they won't so thin and empty, damn, they're gone.

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