Theo discusses his unusual trip to the message parlor, his views on the Marilyn Manson controversy and talks with a fan about the difficulties of sobriety.
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I mean, like, just the damn devil hit a damn just a jolly rancher in my neck, man.
It just feels real tight.
I mean, tight, tight.
You know?
Oh, man.
And I went over to the place, you know, and I'm not going to say that they're Chinese when you go in the place, but they are Vietnamese or they're an ease.
Let's say that.
They, you know, there's no bones about it.
They are some type of ease, you know.
They probably had soup for lunch.
I'm going to say that.
Some type of broth.
You know, and the lady, sometimes I've gone to this place a few times.
You know, I'm out here in the Central East studios and I've gone to this place, you know, a few times.
And sometimes I get the rough girl is in there.
You know, the real, that, you know, she's that, you know, she's kind of the hitman.
You know what I'm saying?
She's somebody, if somebody in a family's choking, you won't, you know, you hope she's there.
Because she can help.
You know, she's that thick aunt.
You don't want that slender aunt helping you.
If you're choking, you don't want your fine aunt there.
Your fine aunt, she ain't going to do, she going to scream.
She'll probably snap chat it.
You want that thick baby, you know, that big lozenge of a woman.
And that's what they had there, this big Chinese lozenge of a lozenge of a lady.
You know, this just damn, I mean, she really, her forearms had six arms in them.
You know, she just real poignant.
Real, real poignant, man.
I mean, she could spit hard and probably wash a window.
So that's where I'm coming at with that.
And so anyway, they got me on the...
You know, I don't like this.
A lot of the massage places, you know, they put you on this kind of halfway lean forward type of thing where they put your head in this little...
Something 1800s.
And they had, back in the old days, they had, sorry, it might be a little hot there.
They had the thing, the barracks, you know, they put you in, they put your two hands in and they put your head in it.
And people would come by, if you did something bad around town, they put you in a town square and they, you know, they put you in there and people come by and call you names, call you, you know, probably gay or something like that, you know, devil boy, shit like that.
You know, I'm talking 13, 1800s.
And so, you know, and the kids come by and probably tickle you.
You know, the perves come by and touch their nuts.
Everybody, when you're in the barracks or in the, what is that called?
Barracks?
I think that's what it's called, man.
Barracks.
Let me think.
When you're in the, you know what I'm talking about, the barracks, man.
The barracks in town.
What is that thing?
Shit, I don't know.
But it's the thing they like.
It holds your head.
It holds your arms.
You can't move.
And people laugh at you and point fingers, you know?
People say, oh, that's a little, you know, that's a little Ricky.
And he did something bad, you know?
He stole a cabbage.
You know, he stole four cabbage.
That's Ricky with, you know, that's four cabbage Ricky.
And then you're that bad guy, you know.
But anyway, when you're in the barracks, everybody comes by and gets the people that want to name call, they name call you.
And the people that want to tickle you and the perverts that want to, you know, touch your nuts or get a look at your booty or whatever, you know, everybody, you know, everybody gets it out of their system when you've done something bad.
And what was I talking about?
Oh, so I know what I was talking about.
So anyway, I'm in there and they got me in the, it's like that kind of thing.
You're kind of leaning forward and the lady's behind you.
And I don't know if they found a tough spot on my back, but they had the lady is like pushing on my back.
And then she had like her cousin or somebody, her brother, daddy, somebody, you know, another, you know, another Mis or E's person starts pushing on her.
So they're both, so she's pushing on my neck kind of back, and he's pushing on behind her, like leaning on her.
And I'm just like, you know, like they're trying to get just a refrigerator through a tight doorway.
And that shit, I just, I don't know.
I never see anything like that.
And so anyway, oh, and then so then after that, I did 30 and 30. You know, they call that a 60-minute package.
That's package B that they have there on the chart.
And so the second half, they get you in the private room.
You know, and they have some fake roses in there and a little, they got these Coca-Cola candies.
They are so good.
They're these little hard kind of candies you suck on them.
So I'll put two or three in my mouth when I go in because I do the one-hour service.
So anyway, and the lady, and sometimes I think it's just tradition in a lot of the East.
You know, you go to some places and they bust you out.
You know, they cream you out right there, bro.
And so the lady, you know, she's doing my body and everything.
And I'll get, I won't get fully new, but I'll get down to my underpants easily.
Dude, I'll get down to my underpants if somebody says, hey, you want me to scratch your back?
I'll be fucking, you know, I'll be 94% naked, baby.
You know what I'm saying?
For any, if a good television program is on, you know, and it's a half-hour program, I've been like that since I was a child.
I would get so fired up, man.
And just when the pressure builds and the plot thickens, I'm damn just start losing, you know, I lose pieces of clothing until I'm just damn naked.
I mean, and I'm just clamping on my wean, just watching what's going on.
You know, I'm just, I'm locked in.
I looked at it.
I say no.
I'm locked in, baby.
And anyway, so she, the lady, she goes, oh, you want Spella Dumplin?
And I'm like, what did she say?
And she goes, you want Spella Dumplin?
Spell a dumpling?
And I'm thinking, spell a dumpling?
I didn't know what it was.
You know, I'm thinking, is it something?
And then I'm thinking, oh, it's nothing.
You know, because I didn't know what it was.
And she's, you know, then she kind of pats me on that peony.
You know what I'm saying?
That peen eye, bruh.
That penis.
And then she tapped me, double tapped me on that penis, you know, and uh and she says, spill it, dauntlin.
And then I'm like, oh, spill the dauntlins.
She wants to spill the dauntlins, bruh.
And you guys know me, look, I don't like, I don't like somebody, you know, hell, I've been spettling, I've been spettling my dauntlins all week, bro.
My dauntlins spelt.
I spilt them matches, you know, and I shouldn't have been.
And I did, man.
I gave in and I've been jerking myself.
So I, you know, I don't know, man.
I don't know what I'm talking about.
But anyway, I just, I said no, you know, I was cordial.
I was a gentleman.
You know, I kind of went like this, you know, no.
And she wasn't offended.
And that's one thing I love about a lot of Asian cultures.
They don't get offended if you don't want them to jerk you off.
You know, and a lot of other people get all, you know, white people will be like, oh, come on, you know, come on, you know.
Oh, okay, I guess, well, all right, you know.
Black people will be like, oh, okay.
Oh, you all right?
You ain't going to let us bust them nut.
You know what I'm saying?
Everybody.
And German people will be like, oh, you don't want those nuts.
You know, and Vatos will be like, okay, Papa.
You don't want to let us buzz the nuts.
But Asian people, they don't get offended, man.
You know, it's just part of life.
It's like a handshake.
Feyer it, you know?
And anyway, I don't know.
That's just, you know, they're trying to spell a dumpling, bruh.
You know, and I didn't want the dumplings spilled, man.
I didn't want my dumplings spilt, man.
So that's kind of, I guess, what's been going.
I mean, I don't know if that's what's been going on, but that's what happened.
Another time I remember I was at a joint out there in Los Angeles, and a lady tapped me.
They double tapped.
That's the thing.
It's like knock-knock on your, right on your penis, you know, on the top.
And I said, she goes, oh, you want, oh, monkey go pop, pop.
And I was like, monkey go pop pop.
And I said, no, no, I'm okay, you know.
And then I reconsidered.
And I was like, well, and then the lady's looking at me like I'm just like this indecisive person, which I am.
So anyway, man, you know, it's just, you can't go anywhere these days without somebody really trying to cream you out, you know?
But, um.
But thank you for being here with me today, man.
It is Thursday, February 11th in the year 2021.
And I'm doing my best, man, and I hope that you are.
Let's get into a little bit of tunes.
Sing down the sun.
Oh, that's a good song, baby.
Shine down your song.
Come on, baby.
So that it might guide me back home.
This is Josh Kelly.
We all need some light.
On the darkest of days So that we might Not lose our way So
holy, holy, holy Lord Holy my heart Down on my knees asking you to hold me Hold me, hold me with your loving arms Come
on, man All that I need is you to hold me Hold me, hold me, hold me Hold me, hold me, hold me, my Lord Come on You know I've been unkind We're gonna ride this
Yeah, you know At times even cruel Forgave this poor heart I lost all my joy Till I found you Come on Till I found you They said they had They forgave this full heart Come on Buried the
sins To make way for a brand new star Let's go Yes, you did Holy, holy, holy Lord Holy my heart Down on my knees asking you to hold me Hold
me, hold me Hold me, hold me Hold me Hold me, hold me With your loving arms All that I need is you to hold me Hold me, hold me, hold me Oh man, dude, that one had me gleeking right out my feeling ducks, brother.
That's when God hit me right in the damn HVAC of my soul, brother, and my tear ducks, man.
Beautiful song right there off his new album, My Baby and the Band that is called Hold Me My Lord by Josh Kelly, featuring all voices.
If you're not familiar with Josh Kelly, man, go get that album and get familiar with him.
And I'm sure a lot of you guys are, but go get familiar with that song.
He's a friend of mine, and he actually gave me a job.
I worked as a tour manager for him when he first started touring with his music.
And just honored to be able to play one of his songs here today.
What's going on, man?
What is going on?
Yeah, I went to the place.
I did that.
Oh, I'll talk about this.
The Super Bowl happened.
You know, I was, it was a boring game.
You know, it was a boring game.
And I think a lot of people were just shocked.
Kansas City didn't put anything together.
And I don't know what you attribute that to.
But it was nice to see Tom Brady.
It was nice to see somebody get away from the system, that New England system, and do something.
You know, it was nice to see an older person get out there and be a rascal and be Randy and do confidence.
And man, that made me feel really good.
I went over to Michael Chandler's house, UFC Michael Chandler, fighter-man.
You know it.
He came on here.
And you know, I snuck that Dustin Poirier freaking sauce into the party, son.
Loyalty's going to loyalty.
And I felt honored to go over there and just be, it was fun, man, to talk about fighting a little bit and to be able to watch the Super Bowl.
What else happened?
I did a comedy set last night and it was one of the best shows that I've had in about a year.
So I'm drinking a little bit of tea right now.
My throat has been a little bit rocky.
But yeah, what else have I been doing?
I hurt my neck, so I've been trying to take care of that.
And that's why I was getting the massage over there.
That's why I was getting massaged.
So what else?
Oh, I heard a Badger out back at a rental.
I'm in an Airbnb right now, you know, doing rental living, they call it.
And that's rental living where you're somewhere, but you really don't want to be there.
And that's rental living.
And so I've been doing that.
And last night I heard a badger.
Look, I was like, I heard an animal.
So I look out there and it seemed like a cat, but the way he walked was more almost like he was like his paws was kind of hot.
And I said, well, surely somebody didn't heat a cat up and just let it loose outside.
You know, or put fire by a cat and then, you know, make it run.
So I said, it must be a different animal.
Then I heard it make a noise.
I heard it do some howling or whatever.
And that's when I knew, oh, okay, something's going on here.
And so I started looking up different animals, sounds on the YouTubes.
And what I found that it was, was a badger.
listen.
Yep.
You hear that?
Like they swallowed a balloon, like a helium balloon, and they fucking, bro.
I'm doing sex.
Listen again.
Oh, yeah, that's like somebody reckoning.
You know, you know, sometimes the clown will fold up that balloon for you and they'll hand it to you.
And, you know, if you gas that thing out, sometimes you pretend it's cute.
It's a flower.
It's a crown when mom and dad are around.
Then you sneak off behind a barn and gas up.
And then you try to, you know, then if you're doing sex or if you just, you know, doing hula hooping, anything where you got your body moving with that gas in it and you'll sound a little bit like this.
*crickets*
Oh, whoa, that's bad.
Now that one's angry, man.
That fella got angry about something.
But yeah, we got some good calls that are in.
What's going on with me?
Not much.
I'm just honored to be here today, man.
You know, I've been going through some tough stuff in my own world, and I want to kind of talk about that a little bit.
You know, I fell off of my sobriety about a month ago.
And so I've just been, you know, I've just been battling to kind of get back on that train.
And I wanted to kind of talk, I wanted to talk about it on here, but I just, the timing was kind of never right.
And I don't like to, I don't like to have to report to the, to the podcast every week about, you know, how I'm doing with sobriety because I don't want me and my, and I don't want any of my sobriety to be like something that I then have to, like, like I feel like an obligation to the podcast.
I don't ever want to have to feel that way because it doesn't, it won't help me in my journey with being sober.
It just, it won't help me.
So I haven't been doing anything bad, man.
I was just in a lot of pain and I didn't want to take pain pills and I'd fallen off of going to my meetings and so I just I drank and I just found that drink drinking was helping me deal with the pain better than pain pills.
I just I don't want to take pain pills.
And if I had a beer, I could manage, it was just easier.
You know, I could have half a beer or something that would take the edge off a little and give me some relief.
So, you know, things I've been doing now are trying to have a meeting here at my home.
You know, been staying in contact with my, with other people in the program.
And I don't know.
I guess I was a little like, you know, I know we have some listeners that are sober.
And so I didn't, I guess I was afraid some that, you know, that they would judge me or I don't know.
Yeah, or they would think, I don't know what I thought.
I mean, I guess, I guess, yeah, I guess I was just afraid of being judged or something.
But, you know, I haven't been like scared.
I haven't been putting myself in bad instances.
But, you know, I definitely, you know, I'm just trying to, you know, get back on the best foot.
So that's kind of where I'm at with it, I guess.
You know, so I just wanted to be honest.
I hope I'm not letting anybody down.
You know, I'm just, it's just, you know, I don't know.
It's just a journey.
And this is where I'm at.
And so I can't be ashamed of where I'm at or anything.
I don't feel ashamed.
You know, I just, I want to, I want to best put myself in a situation for me to be, you know, the healthiest that I can be and the best that I can be in most regards.
You know, we can only be so best.
You can't be 100% best.
You can be maybe 70%.
So I'm glad I said it.
I was kind of scared to say it.
And, you know, I've been having a lot of fun in the episodes the past couple weeks.
And so I didn't want to kind of make it a downer or anything.
But, you know, I appreciate you guys just, you know, being a part of my life.
And, yeah, I'm just happy to be here today.
And, yeah, so I still hang out.
My two best friends here are sober guys.
I still, you know, I'm surrounding myself with sober guys and I'm trying to just get back on the wagon, you know.
And I'm not struggling every day.
I'm not running around drinking.
I'm not like making, you know, putting myself in bad instances or anything.
But I do have some fear that, you know, that I could.
So, so, yeah, I don't know.
That's just where I'm at.
You know, my friends know and, you know, and other people that are in the program know.
And, you know, I've long, in my life, I never really felt like I had a problem with alcohol.
You know, I never did.
I mean, my problem was always that alcohol could lead me to do drugs.
So, you know, I've never been somebody who just gets just black.
I just never did that.
I don't like drinking that much because you have to go pee a lot.
And I'd rather not pee.
I'd rather sit there and just, you know, keep watching the program.
But, yeah, I don't know.
Maybe I'm making too big of a deal out of this.
I'm just trying to share with you like kind of where I'm at and some of my fears.
And yeah, that's just what I'm trying to do.
So anyway, you know, that's kind of that.
And that's what's going on with me right now.
And yeah.
So, you know, I've been picking meetings back up and going online.
And, you know, I feel hopeful.
I don't feel like scared.
I don't feel like I'm spooked or anything.
But I just want to be honest with where I'm at.
What else, man?
Oh, yeah.
That Badger was back there.
We got a soundboard in here now.
We're just trying it out.
They got some different sounds in here.
This is my favorite.
Damn chick-a-fil-a-hand.
And so that is my favorite.
We got a couple of other ones, dude.
That white rain.
And that's Frank Giles right there.
Oh, big announcement.
Frank Giles was at the comedy show the other night.
So I'm on stage at Zane's and I'm looking around the crowd and I see this suit.
I see just this beautiful, this really, this Mordor snowman in a suit.
And I said a joke and then I heard that laugh, man, that only that Frank Giles, that freaking, that rattle, baby, that death rattle.
And I said from the stage, I said, Frank?
And he said, yes, sir, you know, and it was him, dude.
And everybody, I was like, oh my God, everybody is Frank Giles, you know, and he's, and he's here.
And, dude, people were going crazy, man.
People were going crazy.
And so we did a couple, you know, we talked a little bit and talked a little bit about the show.
And yeah, it was just, it was fun.
He came backstage after, and we had a good time.
It was special, man.
So I just want to say thank you, Frank Giles, for coming out.
And, man, we had a couple more questions about death back there we talked about.
And it was good to get some of those answered.
And he even said he'd come back on sometime and follow up with more death answers and different answers like that.
So I want to let you know that today's episode is brought to you by Liquid Death.
It's Mountain Water.
It's good.
Today's episode is also brought to you by Helix Sleep.
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Some people got a fan with a rattle and they won't fix it.
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They don't even know what's going on.
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You know, when I sleep, I kind of go through this ritual.
You know, I know I like to put lotion on.
And I learned that from my mother.
You know, I was raised by my mother.
And you know that.
Fuck you.
That's Joey Diaz said that.
I didn't say that.
But I was raised by my mother.
And so she taught me at night, you put lotion on.
She taught me when you get out the shower, you do the towel around your hair.
You know, there's just different practices.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, I couldn't use, I didn't know how to use a hammer when I was a kid, but I knew how to lotion up my legs.
And dude, when I was young, they had this fella, bus, he would let us, he was a senior citizen, you know, and that's really the most citizen you can get.
And he would let us lotion his legs, man, this older guy, you know, Mr. Birch, and he was named after the wood.
And he would let us lotion his legs up, man.
And I don't know if he was pedophile.
If he was pedophile, it was late onset because he never did anything wild until just the very end.
And he said, I swear to God, he went to heaven on some real, on some soft stilts, baby, because we, my God, we must have put about six damn gallons of lotion onto his legs, man.
Praise God, big birch, baby.
You know?
And I'll tell you this, he's the softest standing birch there is out there.
And we really, we really loosened that man up.
What else is going on?
Oh, so we had a guest on here recently, you know, and he got, you know, he got assault.
He got caught, you know, using racial Epitaphs, I think it's called.
I don't know the exact term, but you know, you're saying words you're not supposed to say, and he said he would try to do better.
That was a statement that he made.
And, you know, it's, I wanted to think about it some, and just, and it's not like, you know, well, first of all, what makes me upset, what upsets me, what upsets me most is that there's hatred in the world.
That upsets me.
I don't think this man was coming from a place of hatred.
I think he was, you know, I think he was using a word he probably shouldn't have been using.
And, you know, you don't know where somebody learns a word.
You don't know where these days, you know, it's on the N-words on the radio all the time.
Not at the radio, but it's on music.
You can go buy it.
You can buy it on iTunes.
You can go buy it.
And, you know, it's interesting because, yeah, if you call somebody that name and you mean it and that, and you say it towards them, it's, man, it's hurtful.
You know, and I could easily see in people of color how it would just, how it's such a word to demoralize, you know, and to and to imprison in a space of less than.
But at the same time, it's crazy that the word is available for sale.
And I'm kind of all over the place here.
And I'm not defending anybody for saying it.
I mean, it's, you know, you hear it.
I hear it all the time.
I hear it all the time.
You hear it from people.
In these days, when I was young, you would hear it.
Well, I guess I would hear it when I was young growing up from people that were racist.
And I would hear it from music, you know, NWA.
And so it's weird because it's like a word that's used in hip-hop culture, you know, with the A at the end.
And so it's just, it's interesting.
And I don't want to be afraid to like think about things, you know.
But one thing that really made me upset about the N-word is the way that media outlets cover it.
And the way that media outlets cover it.
So somebody says it, right?
They take it and they make articles that say at the top, and these are outlets that would never even probably cover the person that, if there's a famous person that says it.
You know, you can be a white dude in a starter jacket and say it all day.
You could be 6'9 and say it all day.
You know, but if you're popular and you say it, the media, they cramp down on you.
And what gets me is that they use it.
The media puts N-word in the title of articles.
So they get you to go click on it.
And then you're reading the article, you're watching it, or whatever it is.
So they are making money off of it.
And man, that burns me up to think that because then you, and I bet if you follow the companies who are earning money from the clicks and the people watching or reading, I bet it leads right to white pockets.
I guarantee you that.
So, man, it's just crazy that people that would never even cover this artist at all or this celebrity at all, suddenly they're writing articles that are clickable that they're making money on.
So they're basically making money off of the N-word.
They're making money off of it.
And man, that really, I mean, that just, man, that just makes it, it makes me mad, bro.
That make me just mad, dude.
Make me feel like a damn, just, like six badgers are climbing up and down my spine.
You want to know what a badger sounds like?
I'll tell you.
And let's get to the angry one.
Here he comes.
*crickets*
That's what it makes me feel like.
You know, because you have companies that don't care.
And now, so they're basically, they are using the N-word to make money.
And that's, man, that burns me up.
It just burns me up.
And I think it should burn anybody up.
You know?
Yeah, and it's kind of wild in the media.
Like, somebody can apologize for saying something they shouldn't.
Somebody can apologize for using a racial slur.
But the media, they don't want apology.
Somebody can say, well, I'll do better.
But that's not enough for them.
They want to just roast you.
They want to take over.
They want you to burn.
And that's just wild to me.
Like, no matter what someone does, don't we want them to have a don't we want them to feel you know you want someone to feel reprimanded but don't you want some don't like what if it was your kid that did it like it's just crazy people would ostracize so much and just denounce like there's you are worthless
and uh like what do they want you to kill yourself what do they want do they want you to lose your own life by your own hand by a dagger by a sword you know I just don't understand sometimes because somebody's saying they'll do better I mean it's but I guess you know you need to believe them but man and then what if and and what if,
don't any of these writers who write these articles, what if your kid does something wrong one day?
What if your husband, your brother, your, what if someone you do you want them to be burned like that?
I just don't, I don't know.
And then it's wild that they'll say, you know, it's like they shouldn't, we should, they should just get rid of the word.
They should get rid of the word because you could buy it online.
I mean, website, Mapple Music, some of these, whatever platform, they're making money.
You could go listen to it.
You could buy it.
Maybe white people shouldn't be allowed to buy stuff with the word in it.
Because if you sell somebody enough produce, you know, and sometime a strawberry rolls out their mouth, you can't be shocked.
But you're the one vending it to them.
And I'm not saying that's the case in this instance exactly.
I'm not saying that, but I'm saying that that's a real thing.
You know, and I think there's a lot of people out there of color who feel the same way, who are just tired of the music that's like, you know, kill these N-words and all this shit.
It's just, it's, I don't know.
And look, I'm just a white person, so I only have my experience.
You know, I grew up around a lot of black people.
I used to be in a group called NFL, and I can't say the whole name of the group, but I can say for life.
Dude, I used to ride my bike in the school in the morning.
And Johnny Smith and the boys, they would come and jump on my bike.
And they would call me a bus.
When I'd come in, they would call me the N-word bus.
Hey, here comes the N-word bus.
And they would all pile on my bike.
And I'd be sitting there just rolling.
Just a damn, I mean, literally the basketball team deep.
And I would just, you know, man, dude, my quads was beefy, son.
My quads was beefy.
You know what I'm saying?
Damn chicka for licky.
You know it.
And they would call me the N-word bus.
Here come the N-word bus.
And my parents didn't say it.
You know?
My dad said at one time a black guy stabbed him with a screwdriver and he said it.
So I'll be honest.
But I don't know, man.
You know, it's just like, there's just a lot of red tape out there.
But then look, that's only my perspective.
And I'm not saying that it's right, but I don't want to feel like I can't think and talk about it.
Because I also know that it's a hurtful word.
You know, but I also know that the media just, there's no court of law.
There's just no examination of that kind of thing of what was going on.
You know?
And in this instance, he called a white guy it.
And I think a lot of white people should be called it, honestly.
You know?
Maybe that's what needs to happen.
Maybe you need to line up a lot of black people that want to say it and a lot of white people that should be called it.
I don't know.
But anyway, man, I didn't mean to go off on that.
I just, I don't know.
It's just, it's, you know, it was here in the Central East.
That's where, you know, I mean, it's everywhere.
But I just don't understand sometime the media is taking.
I don't like that there's companies out there making money off of it, profiting, profiting off of it, man.
That burns.
That burns my bread, man.
But we'll get into a few more calls here, man.
I know that.
And I'm going to tell you right now that if you are suffering from mental health issues, which I am, you know, I missed my medicine yesterday and then I get late at night and I can't remember if I took my medicine and then I don't want to take it because it keeps me up.
I can't sleep.
And then I'm like, dang.
And then I wake up the next day and now I'm feeling depressed.
And, you know, if you take medicine, it can be tough.
Well, if you fall on times where you need some help, BetterHelp can help you.
You know, if there's something interfering with your happiness or preventing you from achieving your goals, BetterHelp will assist you and assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist.
That's right.
You can start communicating in under 48 hours.
There's a broad range of expertise available at BetterHelp.
If you want a certain type of mental health professional, you may want somebody that is your same race or religion or creed or I don't know what creed is.
It was a ban, but I don't know what they mean by that.
But maybe if you can read or can't read or somebody or if you blind and you want to talk with a blind therapy, then they can do all of that.
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You want a professional.
You don't want somebody in a chef's hat giving you mental help.
You know what I'm saying?
You don't want somebody on a surfboard giving you mental help.
You want a therapist, brother.
In fact, so many people have been using BetterHelp, they are recruiting additional counselors in all 50 states.
Wow.
This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp.
And this past weekend, listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash Theo.
Oh, man.
What else?
I wanted to tell you they was, oh, I saw also they had sexual allegations against Marilyn Manson, you know, and I don't know what the guy did.
I don't know, but I would you know, I don't know if he, and I don't think he was messing with underage women.
I think he was dating of age women, but I'll say this.
Some lady, they said, she said they found out she had a sex dungeon.
And he was trying to hit her with wigwams or something.
Dildos.
Sorry.
By looking at Marilyn Manson, that should give you a 99% idea that this dude don't be fucking regular.
You know what I'm saying?
He ain't fucking regular.
He'll put on a condom that has Edgar Allan Poe's autograph on the side of it.
You know what I'm saying?
You have to, like, if you go to dinner with them and they serving vulture, you got to think, oh, he probably going to have an extra dick or two on him.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, you can't look at that guy and think that things are going to be regular.
I don't think.
I'm not blaming anybody.
I'm just saying you have to have, like, because the lady said, oh, he was scary or something.
But I'm just saying, look, the dude is doing 365 days of Halloween, okay?
This dude does Halloween like a Instagram thought does her birthday.
All right?
It's a two-month deal, I bet.
This dude probably fucking, you know, he'll probably, you know, this dude got licorice under his armpits for good luck.
I'm just saying, you can't look at Marilyn Manson's and expect that he ain't going to be skeeting asphalt or something.
You know what I mean?
You just, you can't look at him.
The dude looks like the saw movies.
I'll tell you this.
You know, and I've had, I've had a, I was almost molested, you know, or semi-molested or whatever at a Marilyn Manson show.
They had a man, this man, Richard Langenstein, they called him Dickie.
And he was a senior citizen, and he was, he had, what's it called when it looks like you have snow on your arm, but it's like a, I think scabies or something.
I don't know what it is.
Hold on.
Let me look it up.
He had seven causes of white spots on your skin.
Mycosis, bro.
I don't know if he had that shit.
He didn't have that, man.
Dermatita.
Dermatidis.
Eczema, bro.
Maybe.
Yeah, I think he had eczema, bro.
I think he had that hypodermatosis.
I don't know, bro.
He was fucking spotted up.
You know what I'm saying?
He was that speckled molester.
You know, he was that, you know, he was that, you know, he was that Dickie Dalmatian kind of guy.
Well, he took me and my best friend at the time, Patrick.
We was 14. We was 14. We met him through church, and he took us to the Marilyn Manson show and dropped us off in there.
And dude, it was 18 and over.
And he took one of my friends to Las Vegas, I think, and might have pedophiled him.
I don't know.
But I do know, and I think that's what happened.
But anyway, what happened was, hold on.
So Richard Langenstein, and he's deceased now.
He went to jail for pedophiling, bro, for pedfiling.
But what was I telling you?
Oh, we went to Marilyn Manson's.
On stage, he cut his friend open with a beer bottle, and the ambulance came.
I remember being in the bathroom.
My friend and I are peeing, and it's taking a long time because everyone around us smells like Voldemort.
And we're peeing as a guy behind me eating fucking charcoal briquettes, bro.
It's the dark arts.
And somebody said to someone else, they said, man, these kids are pretty young to be in here.
And somebody else goes, yeah, somebody's going to them tonight.
And they said F-word fuck.
So anyway, bruh, you know, what was I talking about, dude?
Is this for BetterHelp?
What is this?
I don't even know.
It's just like, but I know that when I'm going to Maryland Manson, I know I'm going to the show.
I know that I'm entering, you know, Be Alzebub's asshole.
I know that they're going to have crows in the corners of the room.
You know, I know that if Maryland Manson spits on my back, that the saliva is going to slither off down my arm into a drain and procreate a demon.
I know.
Now, I don't know everything, but I have some responsibility as a human to lightly assume that things are going to be risque, and I knew that at 14. But anyway, man, let me hear from my freaking friend again, bro.
You know what I'm saying?
Oh my God, damn chicka-fili.
Yeah.
You know what?
I don't give a fuck.
You know, that is.
That's the madman himself, man.
You know that.
So that's fun.
Let's get into some calls, man.
I want to thank you guys for being a part of my life.
And, you know, I know I say some stuff on here that some people might not agree with, and that's okay.
You know, and it's okay if you don't agree with me.
I probably don't agree.
I'm just trying my best.
I'm trying to think out loud.
And recently, man, I've been angry.
And when you mix anger with trying to be peaceful, it's hard.
You know, and I'm just angry.
And I don't even know why sometimes, man.
I don't know if I'm angry at myself.
I don't know if I'm just angry at the world.
It's a tough time right now.
You know, I called a friend the other day and I was just telling him I'm angry.
And he's like, man, I'm so glad you said that.
I'm angry.
People's angry.
You know, and I stay away from the news these days.
And I think that helps some.
But it's amazing that the news will never go on trial for its crimes.
Imagine the people, they read an article and they believe it, right?
They believe it, and they go out and take some action, and somebody dies from that action or gets hurt, or, you know, somebody does it.
It starts a crime.
It starts a, I mean, that's started by media, by bad information, by faulty information.
People trying to get money.
Man, we are in a canoe, brother, and we are rolling through one of damn Hades tributaries right now.
I feel that, brother.
Praise God.
Let's hear some calls that came in, man.
And, you know, and thank you guys for being a part of my life and for sticking with me when I'm, I don't know, I don't want to be right.
I don't want to be wrong, but I want to be able to think out loud.
And recently, sometimes I get afraid to do that.
You know, with all this cancel culture out there, you can't even think out loud.
And if you have comments or thoughts on anything I ever talk about, you're welcome to call in and share them.
You know, that 985-664-9503 is the hotline.
And if you need to take me to task, if you need to share something that's on your heart, you know, that's troubling you, man.
I think right now, sometimes I'm scared.
You know, I'm scared of getting older.
I'm scared of being in a new place.
I'm scared of not being able to figure out why I have a tough time really loving people, like in a real intimate way that, you know, I could start a home or something like that or do a family.
I'm scared sometimes that God wants me to do more for him.
And not like he chooses me to do more, but just that he wants to, he wants me to be more part of his life sometimes in some ways or her life, whatever God is, you know, the goodness in the world, whatever that is.
You know, I'm not sticking this pin in this tail on a religion donkey.
I'm just trying to save my ass, you know.
But I feel like, you know, and, you know, I get caught up in myself and I'm not doing, it's not that I'm not doing, I just, I don't know.
Sometimes I feel like there's just a more, like God wants to be able to do things with me and not pedophile stuff, you know, good stuff, positive things, not take me to a damn Marilyn Manson's, bro.
I can't believe we went.
Dude, it was like 200 people in there.
It was so small.
And he cut Twiggy Ramirez open with a damn beer bottle.
And we lost our minds, bro.
God.
All right, let's get some calls that came in, man.
Let's hit one up right here.
Here we go.
Yo, Theo, this is Steven calling from Reno, Nevada.
What's up, Steven, from Reno?
And Reno is one city I would never accept blood in.
You know, I'll drop a pint off, bro, but if they try to put anything in me in Reno, son, you know, I'll friggin, I'll fly out before I catch that bag, son.
Gang, Omart.
Just call him to inform you that I just had the birth of my first son last night.
Congratulations, man.
Dude, this is positive stuff.
Thank you for this call, man.
You know, I've had a shovel out for half of this episode, and I've just been digging us into a hole.
That's beautiful, man.
Congrats, Stephen.
You know, he went full term, so he wasn't premature like that gentleman, Nick.
Oh, yeah, early Nick, they called him in his house growing up.
You know, and he'll grow to 70 years, probably, but he'll never hit nine months.
You know, he'll never hit full form, baby, onward.
But just letting you know that he's a healthy baby boy born February 2nd at midnight.
And we decided to go ahead and name him Theo after you, you know, little Theodore.
And just sharing that with you, buddy.
Gang gang.
Gang gang, bruh.
Dude, that's cool, man.
Thank you, bro.
Thank you, Stephen, man.
That's sweet of you, man.
I love that little guy.
And I hope your wife is doing it good and healthy.
And congratulations, man.
You got a little son.
That's beautiful, man.
You know, I think, you know, I think about it more and more often about getting a little child that's my own.
And, well, look, I'll give you some warnings.
What can he look forward to as being a Theo?
It can be tricky.
And he was born at midnight.
He's at midnight snack.
You know, we had a kid in our neighborhood growing up, this kid, Brunch Hawkins was his name.
And he was named, he was born right at 10.30 a.m.
So they call him Brunch.
But for your son, being Theo, he might wet the bed till he's 32. You know what I'm saying, bro?
But it's not really, it's not a medical issue.
It's just, he's just nervous and scared, and that's how he is.
You know, he believes in, you know, it might be seeing his believing, really.
What else?
He likes pasta, but he doesn't go crazy for it.
I would say that he's going to like coconut.
What else?
Yeah, he'll definitely be flirty with the ladies, all ages.
You know, he likes to hug a woman, make a woman feel good.
Likes to feel the titties press against his body, against the warm bags against his body.
And what else?
He might have a nightlight for a while, man.
He might have a nightlight.
Still.
What else could I tell you about this kid?
You know, he's going to have that freaking, he's going to be dragging that wagon, baby.
He's got that booty and meat.
And that's going to be, you know, it is what it is and it ain't what it ain't.
But if he sits down, he means it.
He likes box lunches.
If you send him to camp, you can send him with a lunch.
He's not going to complain.
He likes that lunch.
He likes to open his little meal and have his little things in there.
And you can just cut the sandwich one way.
You don't need to do it both ways.
You know, that's a little French for him, and we don't need to do all of that.
What else?
He will have a teddy bear, but it might not be a teddy bear.
It might be a different kind of a stuffed animal or something, you know, or a different thing that he'll sleep with.
You know, I used to sleep with a wooden spoon for a while.
You know, he just might pick something different.
What else?
He'll like to ride his bike, but he's going to want to ride probably with other kids.
He don't want to ride alone really that much.
It gets scary.
You know, he's going to want to hear that you love him.
You know, you're just going to want to tell him and just make sure he hears you.
You know, just let him know that you love him.
That's going to really make him feel good.
What else?
And if he has a brother, make sure they know their brothers.
Make sure that they look out for each other.
You know, or if he has a sister, make sure you tell them, hey, this is your sister.
You guys are teammates.
You know, make sure you let him know that because if nobody tells him, he just won't know.
And so he might feel by himself and his siblings might feel by their self.
But dude, thank you, bro.
Thank you for sharing that.
And congratulations to little Theodore, bro.
Beautiful little fella out in the world, man.
And I hope he really has a good existence.
And for me, it's been a fun name to have.
It's really been a fun name to have so far.
So I'm happy to pass it on.
Let's get another call here that came in.
This is 985-664-9503, as always.
Hey, Theo.
My name's Michael from Texas.
What's up, Michael?
And Texas.
Yeah, Texas is a good place to, honestly, to hide a body, man.
You know what I'm saying?
You get about west of El Paso with a shovel, dog.
They never going to find your ex-wife, dog.
Gang.
I've called a couple times and you asked questions and advice about my addiction.
The day before last, or the night before last, I relapsed.
I was just a little over 100 days cleaning silver.
I was doing really good.
With everything that I'm going through, you know, I gave in.
The guilt of knowing that I gave in and not saying anything to my family or my fiancé or anyone that they could be getting to.
Because I know how proud they were of me.
All they talked about is how proud they were.
I let them down.
I wanted to, I don't know if I really want advice or whatever.
I mean, I'd love your advice, but really, I just called to get this off my chest.
Somebody.
Because I literally have no one that I want to talk to about.
And I know you've been there.
Gang, brother.
Thanks for the call, man.
I feel like literally like I'm listening to myself right now.
So thanks for the call.
You know, I'll just share what other people in program have shared with me that, you know, it's just a journey.
This is our journey.
And this is where we are.
You know, I had three years, two years, six months.
Dude, 100 days, man.
Do you know how, bro, that 100 days is, man, that's the hardest, bro.
getting that first, that 100 days in a pandemic when people are eating each other, and people's, you know, everybody, people's buying guns and doing traps in the yard and freaking evogema and shit.
You know what I'm saying?
People's eating fireworks.
People's marrying their sister.
Jerry Seinfeld dated a 17-year-old.
You're doing fine, man.
You're doing fine, man.
I'm going to see if I can try to call you right now, actually, bro.
Let me see what I can do here.
Hold on.
Hello.
Hey, Michael, what's up, man?
It's Theo Vaughn, bro.
What's up, man?
How are you?
I'm just chilling, man.
I'm actually calling out.
It's crazy, man, because I'm doing this episode, and we can leave this in the episode or we can take it.
It can be up to you.
But yeah, I was just talking about I relapsed like a month ago.
And, you know, and I just, I don't know, I felt uncomfortable talking about it.
And then I got to your call, and it's just like, well, I could just, I can feel you, man.
It's been rough, brothers.
It's been a rough time, but I'm getting through it.
Yeah, how you managing, all right?
Yeah, I'm just, I mean, after it happened, I kind of, I mean, I kind of went off, you know, the deep end there for a little bit.
I still haven't told anybody, but it was rough for like a good three days.
And then finally, I just told myself, like, you did what you did.
Just, you know, just pick your head up and go.
Amen.
I cannot believe I'm on the phone with you right now.
Jesus Christ.
This is crazy.
It was just, man, it was just small world because I was like scared to talk.
You know, I was talking about it on the episode and I was like scared to talk about it.
And I'm like, how do I say this?
And, you know, I felt like I was letting some people down.
And I guess I felt like I was letting myself down too, you know, some.
But then I got to your call and I was like, oh, man.
Yeah, I'm not the only person that's, you know, that's just kind of had this moment, you know.
Yeah.
It's a hard thing to go through, you know, especially by yourself with no one to talk to.
A lot of people don't understand it.
I feel like a lot of people don't get that stuff.
That's kind of why I called you because I know that, I mean, I don't really know what you've messed with in the past, but I knew that you kind of had your issues.
Oh, yeah.
That liquor.
I don't have a problem with drinking, but I get, if I, if I, you know, I get scared, I'm going to get by that white donkey, bro.
You know?
Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
I'll be riding that.
Dude, I'll be riding that downhill donkey on roller skates, son.
I was all into the pain pills.
That was my biggest thing out there.
It took me down for a long time.
Damn, you do construction.
I got into heroin.
Damn, bro.
Yeah.
What are you doing, dog?
Damn.
You trying to be on that show of the wire?
You got to tighten up, dog.
Dude, I was one of them people that if I did it, I was all in.
I was going to do it.
I wanted to do it all and do the most I could.
Bro, I can relate.
Look, every time I meet somebody that smoked crack, I'm jealous of them.
Because I never got to smoke crack.
I've always wanted to try it.
Me too.
I've always wanted to try it, but I'm scared.
That's when I guess we know maybe there's something that's different in our head because other people, they'd be like, somebody's like, oh, I smoke crack.
They'd be like, okay, I'm going to get out of this Walgreens before things get weird.
But you and me, bro, I'd be like, hey, man, tell me what it was like.
What was it like?
Exactly.
Exactly.
That's funny, man.
Well, how are you feeling now, man?
Are you feeling better?
What are you feeling like?
Well, I mean, once I got over the guilt, I started feeling better.
And I've been, you know, something else I've been doing was really leaning on God.
And I know that sounds corny to some people or whatever, but it really, man.
Not today, it doesn't, bro.
Well, a lot of people, I mean, I've seen over the years a bunch of people that, you know, that go to prison or go to rehab.
As soon as they get out, they're all into God and the Bible.
And a lot of them are just, I mean, in my opinion, they're putting on a show.
I don't really think they believe it.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
And I didn't want to come off like that.
But no, I've really been leaning on God and trying to read the Bible and praying as much as I can.
And it's kind of got me through it.
Yeah, man.
And your show, too, dude.
Your show.
I'm not trying to be a fanboy, but I don't think you understand how much your podcast Try not to cry, dude.
I don't want to sound like a dumbass.
But your voice sounds tougher than my voice.
I would say that.
Easily.
I'm not tough, brother.
I'm not tough.
But every morning when I get up, it's hard for me to get up.
It's hard for me to put my clothes on and go to work.
I feel you.
It's just hard because my job, I mean, I'm a gravedigger.
I bury people for a living.
Dang, no way, bro.
Are you serious?
Yeah.
So it's perfect.
Damn, bro.
You working wow.
You're at the sphincter of life, bro.
You're that grave digger, dude.
So sometimes it's like fucking depressing.
So I get up, I'm depressed because of my issues, and I go to work, and I'm burying people.
Damn, bro.
It's like, fuck, dude, I can't catch a break.
And then I ended up buying some of these AirPods.
I put my AirPods in one day and I knew that you had a show or a podcast, and I started listening to it.
And dude, that's all I do all day long on the tractor at the gym.
I mean, a tractor?
Barrying, dog?
No, you've got to use a tractor to dig holes.
They don't dig them by hand.
Oh, they die.
Some people do if they don't have money, but like if they can't afford a tractor or something, I can understand that.
Most people dig them with a backup now.
Oh, that's sell-out shit, bro.
I want that hand, Doug, baby.
Dude, I've done it a few times, and it's a lot of work, brother.
A lot of work.
Because I guess legally you got to get them so low, huh?
Yeah.
Yeah, I think the law requires here to have 24 inches of dirt on top of whatever you're buried in.
We've got to dig down pretty deep, like five feet, really.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
You could take, yeah.
Supposed to be six, but, you know.
We're trying to dig that out.
I don't think I've ever dug one for six feet.
Yeah, that's what they say.
That's a miss word.
Yeah.
Damn.
Wow, man.
That's crazy to even think that I'm doing a podcast and somebody that's digging graves is listening to it, bro.
That's literally what I'm doing.
Like while I'm digging graves, I'm listening to your podcast.
Damn.
It's the only thing.
It's the only thing.
And I'm not trying to be corny, but it's been the only thing that's put a smile on my face, made me laugh.
Like, I remember one day, like a week or two ago, I was listening to one.
I don't remember what you were talking about.
But you said something.
And dude, I laughed so hard.
I was crying.
I was crying.
Oh, it was about, you were talking about joining a cult.
You were talking to Brendan about you're joining a cult.
Oh, yeah.
You said something like, you said I was doing Dolphin Dandruff or some shit, dude.
I was crying.
I was laughing so hard, man.
Oh, I was on that giddy up, baby, you know?
Yeah, dude.
That one got me.
But, I mean, I just love listening to it every day, dude.
Every day.
Thanks, bro.
Well, I appreciate it, man.
That means a lot, dude.
I'm glad that, you know, I'm just glad that I'm glad that when any of us have some little thing in life to look forward to, you know, and that's one reason why I feel like, you know, when you talked about God, I was like, dang, bro, I want, I just want, yeah, you just never know when we can be that for somebody,
any of us, dude, you know, so it's like, that's what I hate about, you know, if I'm messed up or something, it's like, am I missing out on those chances or any of us missing out on those chances to be, you know, the person that sees somebody at a store and gives them a smile or the person that answers the phone when somebody calls and they're having a tough moment.
It's just like, you know, I just fall out of the lane of that, I fall out of that HOV lane, you know.
Yeah.
But, well, damn, dog.
You notice, don't be too hard on yourself, man.
You know, I'm not trying to preach at you, but, you know, it's not all linear.
Things aren't all linear, you know?
Yeah.
Like, I was like, it's got to be in a straight line.
I got to do it, you know.
It makes sense.
Sometimes our story, we just don't know what our story is, man.
Yeah, that's how I feel now.
I just feel I feel like I'm trying to figure out what I need to do next and how I'm going to do it sober.
Yeah.
That's a tough thing to do.
It's tough, man.
And it's been a tough time for people, too, man.
I mean, I've had friends that have died.
I've had friends that are the most soberest people ever.
They should be in a damn sober pageant, bro.
They would win, dang, you know, the top prize.
They would win the crown.
But people falling off.
It's a tough time, you know?
Yeah, I've been having to bury, like literally bury people that I knew grew up with.
It's fucking rough, dude.
It's rough.
Like, I'm, you know, people that I grew up with, went to school with, I'm putting them in the ground because of COVID and drug, you know, all kinds of shit.
Damn, bro.
Yeah, dude.
That's why, yeah, man.
Yeah, look.
Well, at least you have an excuse, bro.
I'm just podcasting and being hard on myself.
You are hard on yourself, bro.
You need to ease up a little bit.
I wanted to tell you that.
I messaged you on Instagram, too.
Oh, you did?
Yeah, you messaged me back one day, and I fucking had a heart attack.
Dude, come and have a heart attack, bro.
The bodies are going to pile up at the gate.
I was one of those fans that I'm sure you get a lot of, you know, like you'll, if you message them or reply, they fucking think you're buddies.
Oh, that's a dangerous game.
Yeah, people start sending you everything recipes, bro.
They start sending you baby pictures and shit.
Like, dang, this shit is intense.
Dude, that was me when you wrote me back that day.
I was like, oh, yeah.
Well, now with friends, hey, man, how about this?
Then I had to dial it back a little bit.
And then I was listening to one of your shows, and you were kind of being hard on yourself.
And I was like, you know, I'm going to write him one more message.
Just tell him, cheer up, not be so hard on himself.
Yeah, you need to ease up, man.
Yeah, I don't know how, you know, I don't know.
And it's funny, I don't even notice it.
It's just the way that I'm built.
But I appreciate that, man.
Maybe this podcast will one day end when I'm finally not hard on myself, you know?
I think you just need to realize you're a special, good person, man.
I think if you knew how good of a person you are and how much you help everybody and people that listen to you, I think you wouldn't be so hard on yourself.
You help.
Thanks, bro.
You helped me a lot, brother.
I appreciate you calling me, bro.
You don't know what this is doing to me right now.
When my phone started ringing, I've got your number, the hotline number stored at my phone.
And when my phone started ringing, I was in there with my fiancé, and I grabbed the phone.
I took off running at the front door.
Damn, brush, you think you left it for another man, bruh.
You better go in there, Taylor.
You're going to have to go back in there, man.
Well, dude, I appreciate it, man.
Yeah, I think, you know, I think it's just funny.
We all just need somebody to hear.
We all just need to hear that somebody thinks that we're important or this, that, like, we matter, you know, and especially like when people that struggle with alcoholism and that kind of stuff, man.
It's like, damn, I don't know why those words just aren't built into our skin sometimes.
But look, man, I'll be in touch with you, man.
I'm going to hit you on my private line.
Don't be calling me all the time, but I'll say, hey, that's the world to me, man.
Well, you got it, bro.
You know, I feel like at least we can.
Hey, you know, two alcoholics talking to each other, man.
That's how the whole program started.
There we go.
So, well, don't be hard on yourself, man.
I love you, bro.
I love you, too, man.
I appreciate you calling me.
All right, you bet, man.
Be good, dog.
All right.
I'll talk to you soon.
All right.
Peace, baby.
Man, bro.
I don't even know what the world is, man.
Man, I don't even know why that made me kind of emotional, bro.
you know it's just I don't know you know it's just I don't know I think we all, I think we all just want to hear, we all just want to hear, we all want to hear somebody.
I don't know.
We all want to hear somebody tell us that we're okay.
You know, or we all want to, man, I don't even know, man.
That shit got me in some type of way right now, bro.
Damn, no Homer for real, bro.
No cap, man.
But...
Yeah, I don't know.
We all just.
We're all just trying to be okay.
And somehow this world has made it kind of tough sometimes.
Or maybe it hasn't.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know, man, but that's the power of people.
I know that.
You know.
I know you could call somebody and you could both leave the call feeling like somebody cares.
And I think, you know, I think that's powerful.
And those are moments where I think God shows up, bro.
In those little moments where somebody feels like, when you feel in your heart, bro, when you feel that feeling inside of you, just like care bears are fucking swimming through your veins, dog, when you feel like the world comes out of you.
Usually I feel like the world goes in.
It's coming on me.
But when you feel like the world comes out of you for just brief moments, man, that's where I find God, man.
Right there.
Let me see if anybody needs a call right now.
I think, man, we did a lot.
I've been through a lot, man.
I'm going to need some more water, man.
Damn.
But, yeah, if anybody is out there struggling, man, I guess the hard thing is, yeah, just saying, like, I'm struggling or I didn't do first place.
You know, I didn't win.
I didn't, you know, I'm not sober.
I'm not champion.
I'm not, you know, the pressure.
I just, I don't know.
I don't know, man.
I don't know what I'm trying to say, man.
I'm just trying to say, if you're having a tough day, man, I love you, bro.
And female, bruh.
And if you're not having a tough day and you're feeling good, then, you know, you never know when you could be that little bit of light that reflects off somebody and makes them feel warm.
You know, no homo, dog, for real, bruh.
Praise God, dog.
So, damn.
I'm going to hear about this shit at Jiu-Jitsu, dog.
Damn, bruh.
They're going to be hard scarfing your boy out there.
But keep your head up out there, Michael.
Thanks for the call, man.
And thanks for the kind words, dude.
Yeah, I'm still kind of just overwhelmed with emotion, but I don't know what it's about.
You know, sometimes when I feel emotional, I have to kind of like feel it.
And like, I'll try and talk to myself.
Like, okay, are you happy?
You know, are you...
And I'll be like, well, okay, well, why are you happy?
Okay, I'm happy because and I'm happy because, no, it's not really happiness because then my emotions start to fade away.
And I can tell if they fade away, then I'm not on the trail.
So then I'll be like, are you surprised?
Sometimes the word will come in my head.
Am I surprised?
Yes.
So now I answer, yes, I'm surprised.
And then why are you surprised?
Okay.
And then I'm surprised because...
I guess I'm surprised because people care.
So, you know I'm surprised because people care.
Because I think, you know, when I was young as shit, growing up, I felt like nobody cared, bro.
And you put up all these things inside of you because nobody cares, you know.
And then you happen upon a small moment where somebody really cares, you know.
And it just disproves everything you thought you ever knew about the world, man.
And that is surprising.
So that's how I work through when I'm having like an emotional thing, like where I figure out what I'm feeling.
I have to ask myself, are you happy?
Are you shameful?
Are you, you know, you have to ask and then if it still feels, it's almost like a metal detector.
If it still feels like you're getting a little bit of a feeling, then I'll say, well, why am I happy?
Or why am I ashamed?
Or why am I mad?
And then sometimes I can badger up those feelings.
Yeah, yeah.
Y'all should see these badges, bro.
These bitches are for real out here, son.
Oh.
Oh, that one's on that cocaine, man.
That one's on that dust, son.
All right, man.
What else do we have today?
We got nothing else, man, but I'm just, I don't know, man.
I'm happy to be with you guys.
You guys be good to yourselves, man.
You deserve it.
And thank you for being a part of my life, man.
I really mean it.
I needed it today.
And you were there, man.
Damn.
You never, ever know what can happen, man.
Let's leave out on this tune, man.
I love this tune.
And this man really did it right.
And this is from Josh Kelly, My Baby in the Band.
Hold me, my Lord.
Sing down the sun.
Shine down your song so that it might guide me back home.
We all need some light on the darkest of days so that we might come on, not lose our way.
Holy, holy, holy Lord, holding my heart down on my knees.
It's you to hold me, hold me, hold me with your love in arms.
Come on, Josh Kelly.
All that I need is you to hold me, hold me, hold me, hold me.
I've been unkind, times even cruel.
I've lost all my dreams till I found the savage Buried the Sino A brand new star Brand new star, baby.
Come on.
holy Downy Holy,
Holy, holy Lord, holy my heart.
I'm down on my knees asking you to hold me.
Hold me, hold me with your loving arms.
Come on, baby.
Hold me.
All that I need is you to hold me.
Hold me, hold me, hold me, hold me, hold me, hold me, hold me in my love.
Come on, let the Lord loose.
I need you to hold me.
Hold me.
Hold me my Lord.
Come on.
Hold me.
Come on.
Tell him Joshua.
Tell him.
Hold me.
Come on.
Hold me, hold me, hold me, hold me, hold me now Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh you you you you.
I'm asking you to hold me, man.
Come on, uh no homo, bro, for real, for real, bro.
Uh, that's Hold Me, My Lord, and that is from his new album, My Baby in the Band, Mr. Josh Kelly.
if that ain't a song, then I don't know a song, man.
Yeah, sorry I kind of been leaking out on this one, bro.
But, you know, some days that's the way it works.
And I guess I'm a little embarrassed, kind of, but I'm not ashamed.