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Jan. 28, 2021 - This Past Weekend - Theo Von
01:23:35
E319 Turtleneck Soup

Theo talks about Dustin "The Diamond" Poirier avenging his loss to Conor McGregor, going hunting alongside some falcon companions and takes calls from listeners about their favorite childhood restaurants.   New Merch https://theovonstore.com https://bit.ly/theo-von This episode is brought to you by: Manscaped: https://manscaped.com/theo Magic Mind: https://magicmind.co and use promo code THEO for 10% off Skillz: https://skillz.com/theo and use promo code THEO for double the cash BetterHelp: https://betterhelp.com/theo for 10% OFF your First Month BeachBody: Text THEO to 303030 for a special FREE trial     Turnbull Creek Falconry: http://turnbullcreekfalconry.com     Music: “Makin' It” - Bishop Gunn https://bit.ly/3abV2Kx     Hit the Hotline 985-664-9503     Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: http://bit.ly/TPW_VideoHotline     Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiEKV_MOhwZ7OEcgFyLKilw     Producer: Nick Davis https://instagram.com/realnickdavis   Producer: Sean Dugan https://www.instagram.com/SeanDugan/ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Time Text
Good to be here with you.
And good to be here without you, actually.
It'd be awkward if you were all here at this moment, because it'd be too much.
This is a small space, this is minimal.
You know, you get minimal space, and you just, you can't do much with it.
To a spider, this would be a big room, but to a man, this is nothing to really write home about.
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Oh, man.
What's going on?
A lot.
A lot.
The Diamond One, baby.
You know that, boy.
The Diamond One.
What else?
I went hunting.
I went hunting for something and outdoors hunting.
You know, not just looking for something like a remote control.
I'm talking, I did it.
I went out there.
And I'll tell you about it.
So a friend of mine out here, an adult, he knows a man who does falconry, you know, deviant birds.
And I'm not going to say that these birds are caught up with the dark arts, but I mean, they are each one of them had probably half a can of Voldemort in them.
And that's really the truth.
And so the man does falconry.
And, you know, Bobby Kennedy Jr. had talked about it when he was a guest on here about being around falcons and, you know, kind of doing homing pigeons, that sort of thing when he was growing up.
But basically what happened was we went and met up with this man behind a church or in front of a church actually first.
First we met in front of a church.
We pulled up.
He had a maroon van with two decent birds in it.
I'm talking about these things.
These things were from the damn.
They were from the middle of the Bible.
These things, they was really, I mean, these were, you know, some of the Game of Thronesers.
These birds, bro, if these birds shit, it would drown a baby.
You know what I'm saying?
They had, these birds were, they were real birds.
You know, like you won't see, if you see one of these birds with a canary, it's only because they're trying to fuck.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, these birds was more about, they were more prehistoric, prehistorical.
You know, like if you went back in time and you saw a bird, it might be one of these.
That's what I'm telling you.
So anyway, we get out there and the man has two falcons in the back of a red van.
And I didn't believe him.
You know, because I grew up in kind of a, you know, kind of a troubled area.
And a lot of times a guy says, hey, I got two falcons in the back of a van.
Somebody's breaking their dick out, to be honest.
But this guy, you know, they were real honest.
And they had him, you know, and everybody was clothed and they had the birds.
And so we go back behind the church and he has a friend there, another man.
And now we're with two men, adult men.
And they both had on, what is it called when you're hopeful?
It's like a basketball rim, but it's for your hand.
It's like a, Jesus, not a championship.
They both had on wedding rings.
And so next thing you know, we get in the woods.
They have the birds.
They have a little dog, too.
And the dog, and they're called Tumble Creek Falconry.
I want to get the name right.
Hold on.
I think that was it.
Tumble Creek Falconry.
And they do falconing.
And so anyway, we get out there and so they give us a big stick because they want you to have a big stick if you're out there.
This thing called, what is it called here?
Turnbull Creek Falconry.
And they're legitimate.
And so you get out there and they give you a big stick, like a big, like a bottom of an axe, like an axe.
Like if you're an axe person, but you quit axing, you know, but you still want to have the stick, but you don't want to have the blade.
And it's about four feet long and you go along and you beat the trees, right?
You beat the trees.
And the birds, first of all, here, let me backpedal.
Hold on.
The birds, the birds, the birds, they get them out the cage.
They got helmets on.
They got little hide-and-go-seek little outfits.
Almost like if your grandmother wanted to make you a hide-and-go-seek outfit for when you counted.
It's like a little, it covers your eyes.
You know what horses wear?
If you've ever been to a fancy city and they got a couple horses down there, and they usually have an alcoholic that's running them, and for a few dollars, they'll pull you and your lady through the city.
And you can ask her if she wants to marry you or not, or whatever.
Or you don't have to ask her.
A lot of times by the end of the horse ride, you're like, damn, I don't even want to marry this woman.
And so you just keep the ring in your pocket and you go home.
But anyway, it's like the blinders, like the blinders.
So they have that on the birds.
Two to the birds, they come out.
They both got little blinders on full blinders.
They can't see anything.
Like if you asked them how many fingers you was holding up, they wouldn't squawk.
So they got the two birds.
And dude, it feels like old school.
It feels like if you showed up with these things, you would get the most at a Renaissance fair.
And I'm sorry for saying pussy as well.
So I want to say that also.
But you would be, oh, you would have all the big titty at a Ren fair if you showed up with these straight up just falcons, baby, these heat seekers.
I'm talking about the Lord's freaking Southwest Airlines, baby, big birds.
So anyway, they come out with the little head caps on, and they're moving, but it looks like they're sleeping.
But basically, so then you start walking in the woods, you take off their head caps, and they fly up into the trees.
So now you have two birds up in the air, in the trees, and some of them they'll swoop off and do just a loop-de-loop and come back to a branch.
And so the rest of us men, grown men, we wander.
And you get in different lines and you wander through the woods and everybody has like a piece of an axe, a stick, an axe bottom, an axe leg.
I don't know what it's called, axe leg.
And you hit the trees with it.
And you hit the underbrush.
And you hit the trees.
And you're hoping you round up a squirrel or round up a little rabbit, you know, one of Mr. McGregor's little buddies, little cottontail.
And you keep going and the birds, as you walk, the birds will, they will kind of jump from, they'll hop or kind of coast from one tree to the next.
So you guys are moving in like this, like this unique pack where they're upstairs and you're downstairs, but everybody's in the same kind of moving hunt house.
It's like this, you're just, it's not a real house, but you're just, you know, you're kind of in a pack.
And then suddenly something will happen.
Like you'll hit a tree and it'll make a, and a little squirrel will have been being real secretive and he'll move his neck.
And that's all it takes for these big birds is one just one jostle of a neck muscle.
And they and next thing you know, they're on the tree and they start to like corner the squirrel.
So we get the squirrel, he's moving, they corner the squirrel.
So one of the birds gets ahead of it, one of them belows it.
And then they jump from branch to branch.
And then next thing you know, one of them goes in for the attack.
And that was it, man.
And that's nature.
You know, people want to say this and that.
That's nature, baby.
Okay?
And it's all, you know, God laid out those marbles.
You know, he laid, that's it.
We're not, you can say this and that, but that's, that's somebody else's plan.
Don't talk to me about it.
Go pray about it if you have an issue with it.
Because that's just, that's what those birds do.
So anyway, the birds were, you know, they get a squirrel and then, oh, and the birds will hold the squirrel down.
It was wild.
So they caught one squirrel and then they caught a, there's a little dog as well.
A little white and black dog.
Maybe Mexican.
I don't know.
I didn't get a good look in his eyes, but he was mixed.
He was real, real mixed, man.
He had that Jack Russell in him, baby, that Eddie Bravo.
You know what I'm saying?
And he was real pertinent.
He was real particular.
He would go over.
He was only hunting.
And if you try to pet him or scratch his belly, he fucking kick you, bro.
This dog, this wasn't no, you know, he was on the job.
That's like a FedEx man.
You try to run up and tickle him or something or, you know, or hide one of his boxes.
He might fuck you up.
And that's like this guy, this dog was.
So we went through, and what else did they catch?
They caught a rabbit and a possum.
And it was just magical, man.
At the beginning of the day, I'm like scared of the birds.
And by the end of the day, I'm like, I'm just, I'm like, I feel like the birds are like working for me.
And I'm in, I mean, I feel like I'm on the damn fifth page of the Bible, baby.
I'm keyed up.
You know what I'm saying?
We're hunting and they're picking up stuff.
I'm sending one of the birds to go get me some Twizzlers and Myconikes.
Like these birds, it's just really, you start to become like Conan the barbarian.
So it was exceptional, man.
Man, it was really, really exceptional.
And we did some videography of it and we may put something up at some point.
And I thought about trying to do something where I learned new stuff, like just how to do new things or have new experiences.
Because I'd been looking for things in the woods when I was young, but I'd never been actually really hunting.
You know, except to hunt.
Actually, that's not true.
I've been out to hunt pigs and I've been out to hunt boars, but I've been out been out to hunt ducks one time.
But, you know, I like that hand-to-hand combat and it feels more like that with the birds, with the Hawks.
They might have been Hawks.
I think they might have been Hawks, but not Atlanta.
I think they were from, well, they must have been from here.
So yeah, local Hawks.
But whatever they were, man, it was fascinating.
It was fascinating.
And yeah, we got a real experience.
And it was like about a three, four hour hunt.
And it just, I don't know, it just made me feel so involved with nature.
You know, it made me feel right there.
I just felt, I just felt like a root.
That's what I felt like.
And I'm used to feeling like a branch.
And it was pretty powerful.
So, yeah, I can't believe I did it.
And I'm so grateful that I got to do it.
My friend Bizzle took me out there, and he's a white guy.
Even though he has the name of a nine-year-old black kid, he really is a white man.
And he took me out.
And we had this fellow named Moncell went with us and did some videography.
And the fellows that took us were just great, man.
That's Turnbull Creek Falconry.
And we'll put a link, man.
You go get an experience with those guys.
But it was worth the time.
It was worth the time.
What else is going on?
Oh, so on the drive there, right, I'm driving out to the Falconry.
And I passed by this car, like a little red kind of, it was like a Mustang maybe or it was a, and this dude was sitting right by, like right by the window.
And he was driving, but also kind of leaning like towards the window.
And he had like, he was kind of leaning up close by the wheel, but also by the window kind of.
And he had a track suit on.
You could see the edge of the track suit, Adidas style.
And he had like the stripes down the middle of his car going over the back, you know, that shit.
Where like it's going to make you go faster, but it doesn't.
It just means you maybe finished high school, that kind of vibe.
And I thought, oh, this dude is a drug dealer.
This guy is a high school drug dealer.
And then it made me think, well, why do I think that?
And then I realized that every high school drug dealer looks the same.
None of them, there is no, no crime person is worse at disguising themselves than a high school drug dealer.
First of all, they all have like a name like Spoony, Juicy, Tate, Lil Danny, bruh.
Lil Danny, you know, Boof, Pook Pook.
You know, they all got the same type of name.
They all wear like kind of that track suit, slicked hair with maybe that Caesar cut chain.
And they all drive like a fancy car.
Like they all, and there's no, you're like, oh, that's the drug dealer.
Like, why doesn't the high school drug dealer try and look not like a drug dealer?
How hard would it be for you to get a freaking sombrero, dog?
Get a little tag.
It says manager.
You know?
Or even manger.
Misspell it.
Who gives a shit?
Get a freaking name tag.
Get a job at Books of Millions, man.
Damn, bruh.
You know, every drug dealer unfortunately looks.
Oh, and if they didn't wear the track suit, they wear the white tee.
The white tee, maybe Timbalands or maybe, you know, fatty sneakers and speakers.
And they all work at an auto sound place.
All of them.
That's where they either work or hang out at.
And they just sell drugs to get more and more speakers put into their car.
And then here's what happens.
Sadly, the speakers are so loud when the cops finally try to pull them over, they can't even hear the cop sirens.
So then they get resisting arrest because they couldn't even, because the whole system leads them to not be able to hear.
Then they end up as a hard of hearing 30-year-old trying to get a GED.
But they never change the style, baby.
They still drive the Mustang.
They still have the stripes down the back.
Dude, the drug dealers in high school, sometimes they would even have the word drugs spray painted or airbrushed on the back of the car.
Dude, if you're going to sell drugs, don't write drugs on the car, dog.
Get overalls.
Get a that.
Disguise yourself.
You know, get a glasses, man.
Get a axe.
Get an axe, man.
A shoulder chopper, man.
Get an axe.
You know, you just have to do things to not look like a drug dealer.
But unfortunately, every high school drug dealer looks only like a drug dealer.
Praise God, baby.
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As we come back, man, I want to make a message out to Boots on the Ground Luke, and he's a fellow over there in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.
And he's a white guy, maybe Ginger, semi-ging.
And he going in for brain operations.
Something's wrong with his brain.
They said he needs more room in his brain or whatever.
And shit, I don't know.
It sounds like I wouldn't even get it done, but he's getting it done.
So just want to let you know we love you, Luke.
And, you know, we hope you survive.
And if you survive, man, send us in some pictures or something, you know, and do, you know, show us a before and after.
You know, show us that new two, three bedroom brain you're going to have.
And if you don't survive, bud, I just want to let you, I hate to say it, but, you know, let's get it out there.
And if you don't survive, I just want to let you know that we'll keep you alive here on the podcast somehow.
So my thoughts are with you this week.
And that's Boots on the Ground Luke over there.
And Boots on the Ground Luke is he was in a, I think he was hit by a tractor or something a couple years back, but he, what was, hold on.
He gave the best man.
He was the one that hit us up a month back about the best man speech for his brother.
And you guys gave him some recommendations.
So wishing him the best of luck.
What else is going on?
Oh, I saw the, well, look, let's get into it, man.
I saw the diamond fight, baby.
And I want to thank everybody for all the DMs and messages I got.
I can't even imagine what Dustin got.
Just being a friend of Dustin's, I got, man, I must have got 4,000 messages congratulating me on that man's victory.
And he's a victory man.
If you saw the fight, you know, he came out with a game plan, which showed a lot of evolution of him as a fighter.
I thought this is, you know, there's two ways that I look at Dustin.
I look at him as a friend and somebody that I care about.
And then I look at him as a fighter.
You know, so, you know, on the fighting side, I think a lot of people expected him to just come out and be, you know, Captain Punchy out there.
You know, fucking Benedict Fists out there.
You know what I'm saying?
Fucking Larry Knuckles out there, just bucking the trend, baby, you know, and just hoping for the best.
But he came out revamped.
I mean, he would be a vampire, but with the sharp teeth on the bottom, you feel me?
He came out revamped.
And he had a plan.
And he executed it, man.
And there was something about him winning.
And I felt this in a lot of people that were cheering him on, that you just felt hopeful about stuff in your own life or things in the world.
You know, you felt like the sun was going to come up tomorrow.
You just felt like that a little.
And I love what his wife said at the end of the fight.
Y'all aren't going to don't doubt my husband again.
Something like that.
I just, you know, I just, you know, they just have never paid him fair.
They've never paid him fair.
And for him to be there in that hotel for two weeks and he's looking out, and Connor's out there on that yacht, on that barge.
Connor owns a damn barge.
You know, Connor's out there just, and I mean, I don't know if he could see it from his hotel window or not, but if that doesn't create some determination in you.
But I didn't doubt him, man.
I was definitely scared for him because Connor's a lethal man.
He's got that freaking shoulder snake, baby, that freaking arm, dog.
And his arm is a lot longer than it looks.
Jesus.
You know, his arm, he could row a boat with his arm.
You know, he got a long arm.
And yeah, it was just amazing, man.
It was just, it just, you know, I was excited for Dustin as a fight.
I was excited for Dustin as a person as well and about his future.
And yeah, it was just, man, I was just elated.
I was literally swinging from the rafters of a bar that we went to to watch it at.
Like they had some steel beams, and I'm in there just swinging back and forth like a chimp.
Actually, hurt my neck swinging on it.
So I've had neck pain, and now I just, you know, I just have more.
But I just, I mean, I thought it was a good fight.
You know, it was a quick fight, but I thought it was a good fight.
I mean, Connor was still landing some blows.
You know, Dustin was hitting him with those kicks.
I mean, it was just a lot going on.
Man, it was, but I was just, I was, I was just, I was excited.
I was excited, man.
Because I picked the wrong guy a lot of times in fights and, you know, betting on the Colts or different shit like that.
To go to the horse races, you lose.
You know, you lose on, you know, you bet on, you know, $60 on freaking, you know, Donnie's enemy to come in third or whatever.
Or, you know, whatever it is, Starburst Enema.
Horses have the weirdest names.
But finally, to get, you know, just to get it right.
And I want $1,000 from your boy, Brandon Shop Vac.
And here was the funniest thing was I got a text from Dustin after the fight, and it said, tell Brennan he owes you that, tell Brennan he owes you that money.
That's what he said, man.
So I just can't imagine.
I think also there was a level of just feeling proud for Dustin, you know, and feeling proud for him.
And yeah, I think there was something about, it was like, man, I can't imagine how awesome he must feel right now.
You know, just how proud of himself he must feel and just how just deservant.
You know, you finally, I mean, damn, his experience with the UFC seemed like he's the one, he goes up to the ATM and he's got to put in money.
And finally, it comes out.
And, you know, I think, you know, I think he's transcended the sport.
And, you know, I've told him that.
And I'm excited to see his future.
I'm excited to see what he does inside of the ring and then outside of the ring.
I think on the fighting side, it's interesting.
How do you figure out who he fights next?
Because, you know, if you go for the Connor trilogy, that's right there, but he just beat him.
And it's been five years since the last one.
Like, you know, I agree with Dustin that Michael Chandler, who I love, Michael Chandler's, and I hope to have him back in here soon.
But he should have to fight more guys.
I mean, I understand Dustin's point of view.
You know, man, I felt bad for Dan Hooker.
I really like Dan Hooker.
He seemed like a really cool guy.
I also thought the whole way the fight came together was amazing.
Connor McGregor is an Irish man.
He's an Irish man, and I love Ireland.
Shout out Dublin.
You feel me?
And shout out Scotland as well, man.
You know, and Scotland is just drunk Ireland.
Let's be honest.
And you know what?
I thought that, I mean, the whole thing kind of started, and I may be wrong, but it started as a charitable thing.
Connor and Dustin were going to fight for charity to raise money for their charities.
And then UFC saw that and got involved, you know.
And so the whole thing started from a place of charity.
I thought that Connor was, you know, he's a businessman now.
I mean, he's got to wake up the next day and do business.
He's got, you know, there's a difference when you go from being an athlete to the owner of the gym.
You're doing two different things.
It's two different brains.
And I'm not saying that Connor's not still one of the greatest fighters of all time.
I believe it is.
I mean, I just watched all of his fights in the past month.
I remember after I watched all of his fights, literally I texted Dustin.
I said, hey, man, how's your head, man?
How are you feeling?
I was scared.
Dude, I hurt my neck.
I hurt my neck watching the fight.
That's how excited I was.
But no, I thought that kind of was a class act, and I thought that Dustin, you know, I'm just obviously glad that he won.
And there's just no, you know, he can't, there's, you can't deny him anymore.
And I felt his angst after the fight.
You could feel his angst, you know, he's angsted out.
And yeah, he just said being there for two weeks.
And, you know, at a certain point, if Dana, whatever the man's name is, Dana Wallace or whatever, I don't know what his name is, but Dana, if Big Dana, the white money man, if he doesn't, if you don't treat your employees well enough at some point, then they're going to lose the desire to work with you.
And I'm just look, I don't know.
Also, I don't know anything.
She may be listening to this saying, man, Theodore doesn't know anything.
And you, you would be right.
But I just, you know, you got to pay your employees.
You got to pay them.
You got to want them to ride while you ride.
And I think people could say, well, you know, Connor's the one that sells the tickets and this and that.
And some of that's fair, very fair.
You know, what Connor's done for that sport is amazing.
And I'm new to the sport.
I don't know that much.
But I think you're in the place now where you have to, where you want to pay the man.
You know, and I think that, you know, who was James J. Braddock?
Where was he from?
Oh, he's an American boxer.
Well, I think you got a new James J. Braddock, man.
That's what it felt like.
The hot sauce boss, baby, that's Cinderella Man himself dusting the diamond Poirier.
And you know we love him here.
But I was ecstatic, man.
I was just so, you know, I was kind of bummed for Connor.
I mean, you know, I don't like to see the people lose.
I wish at the end everybody kind of won.
But yeah, I watched it here in the Central East, man.
And they all, you know, Michael Chandler lives here.
And so they were going bononkers for him.
And his wife came back.
She went home and watched it and then came back to the bar after.
And they were all cheering when she came in.
It was pretty cool.
But yeah, it was just a hopeful time.
There was something hopeful about it.
There was something exciting about it.
Especially at a time when big business is winning everything, it feels like, and the little man has been knocked down.
And then you see a man like Dustin, who's not a little man, but you see him say, hey, not today.
Not on my watch.
And I'm done fanboying, but I was, you know, I was just, I was stoked for him.
The guy's been on quite a journey, and he has to prove himself every time.
And I think a lot of us can relate to that journey of just constantly having to prove ourselves.
So, man, but it was definitely exciting.
What else?
I'll tell you this, and we'll get into some calls.
You guys had some great calls that came in.
Places you enjoyed as a child eating.
You know, different places like that.
And a couple questions came in.
And then I want to talk to you about some personal stuff as well a little bit.
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What else?
What else?
Oh, I don't know.
If you watch the UFC, I don't know what was tougher.
Seeing Michael Chandler fight Dan Hooker or then having to watch Michael Chandler do a backflip off of the cage.
I don't know which one was harder for me.
I don't know which, if I would rather have to fight Dan Hooker or do a backflip off the cage, man.
Both looked extremely insane.
But kudos to Michael Chandler, man, on his victory and probably the greatest UFC debut of all time to come right out.
And a lot of time in UFC, they'll do, there's a bit of a dance in the beginning.
You know, there's a bit of a non kind of a non non-dancing capoeira of sorts, a violent capoeira.
But Michael Chandler didn't do that.
He came straight out.
Like that dog, like a, you know, like a poor person neighborhood dog in the 90s, that thing.
It ain't going to smell you first, man.
It'll bite.
So, ah, that is good.
So, that's what was going on.
What else?
What else we got?
Oh, I want to recommend a movie to you I watched, and this movie called Our Friend on Amazon.
And it's expensive.
It's a $20 re, it's a $20 buy-in, and you get to watch it.
You could watch it three times if you want.
I watch it one time.
You know, I'm no fucking pervert, but uh, and it's a sad one.
Watch it with a friend, with a loved one.
You know, it's just a it's interesting.
But, yeah, it's just an interesting movie.
If you get a chance, you watched everything, watch Our Friend.
And I think you'll enjoy it.
What else?
And another thing I watched was Tiger Woods documentary.
And I think it's on HBO Maximum.
And it's interesting.
It's a lot about a father and son and their relationship.
And a lot about the media.
You know, and a lot about popularity and fame.
And, you know, the media really use Tiger.
You know, his dad says in there, he says, you know, this is my son.
This is my greatest gift.
Use him wisely.
And at the end, I feel like Jesus.
Who is that?
Who would email me right now?
Oh, God.
Sorry.
And by the end, I feel like you see, like, kind of how a father used his son in some ways.
You see how the media used the father and the son.
You see how the son used things, substances to make him feel okay.
Women, sex, you know, anything you can be addicted to.
Sex, drugs, gambling, money, anger.
You know, there's food.
There's everything can be a supplement for addiction.
And it was just this fascinating circle of like, because his dad says, use him wisely, I think is the line he says.
No, the father actually, he says, this is my treasure.
Please accept it and use it wisely.
And yeah, it's just fascinating just how much work the dad put.
I think he saw this a natural gift in his son for doing golf, golf, you know, golf, golf.
And then just took it to another level.
You know, spent so much time and training him.
And then kind of, you know, I think probably from the father's eyes, it looked like kind of unleashed him on the world.
And it was just pretty fascinating.
Like, because then the media played like this race card, but I'm sure Tiger and his family, they were all in it.
You know, they were, it was just, you know, it's just the way media does things.
Try to get an angle, you know.
But then he gets so big and so popular that just the pressure of like finding something that's just his own, you know, you'll find addiction.
That's easy.
And it talks about his addiction to women, sex addiction, which some of the stuff I can relate to, man, I could just relate to nothing like on his level of popularity.
I don't mean that, but just, you know, the feeling of something inside of you not being there and needing something on the outside to make you forget that you're missing whatever you're missing.
But it's fascinating, man.
Those are two good things to watch if you like to watch stuff.
If you like to look at stuff.
Now, if you just want to go back to high school and buy drugs, you can holler at your boy Big Pat.
All right?
Slick, you can holler at Spoony, Spotty Yachty, Ricky.
You know, Lil Danny, bro.
Lil Danny.
So, dude, I remember being at school and the drug dogs came in there and I was high as hell, man.
I was high as fucking four gay dudes in a fucking hot air balloon, bro.
I was fucking high as fuck.
You know, I was fucking high.
You know what I'm saying?
If you need me, I'll be up there, bitch.
I'm high.
And I remember just, I was scared of dogs at the time.
And I'm like hiding by the teacher and shit, and they thought I was all fucked up.
And I was, I was high.
But I was also scared of dogs, you know, which really kind of feel like the same thing.
And I asked the teacher point blank, I said, well, can the dog just smell if I'm high?
And he asked the policeman that was with the dog, and they said no.
I said, all right, we good then, fam.
We good.
Let's get to some of your calls.
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Oh, thank you guys for your patience.
Man.
Oh.
I think I have a slip disc like in the top of my back.
And man, it is.
It's a lot.
Sorry to bring that on this show, but it is a lot at the moment.
Let's get into some calls.
You guys had some great calls and people saying what they done and thing like that.
And I want to hear it.
You know, first we had a last week.
I wanted to say hit the hotline, man.
Hit that H, baby.
Hit the hotline.
I'm losing my voice.
For if you went to a special place to eat.
You know, when I was young, we went to Blowjob's Pizza, BJ's Pizza, they called it.
And they said it stood for Black Jacks.
But everybody knew the truth, baby.
People was blowing each other, sucking off, you know, touching dick to mouth, mouth to dick, baby.
You know what I'm saying?
Praise God, bro.
So here we go.
A couple calls came in.
Let's hear it.
What's up, Theo?
This is your boy, Brian, coming at you from St. Petersburg, Florida.
Oh, Brian in St. Petersburg, dude.
It's a good place to get a find a little buried treasure and maybe see a damn tattooed tit, bruh.
Oh, yeah.
Come on, Omart.
And I was just listening to your Round Italians episode, and you were talking about going to BJ's Pizza when you were a kid with your family.
And you asked us if we had any memories growing up of always going to an eatery.
I grew up in the suburbs of Chicago, and we'd go to this pizza place called Papa Paceros.
Oh, Papa Paceros, huh?
Let's hear more about this beautiful spot.
And you would think because it's Chicago, it's good pizza, but very similar to your BJ's incident, the pizza sucked, man.
But I know they had cheap beer, so my parents and my aunts and uncles would go out on a Friday night, and we'd all get beer and pizza, and they had a big old arcade, and they'd send us into the arcade, which was some quarters.
You'd be playing Mortal Kombat and all the games.
And the one memory I had that stuff got is this one boy.
I don't know his name, but he would always dominate the Mortal Kombat machine.
And he would keep his quarters in his mouth.
So it was the strangest thing.
And he'd get done beating somebody, flawless victory with Scorpio, and then he'd spit out like a little lizard, spit out a couple quarters, throw them back in the machine, say, who's next?
Damn, man.
And that's a sign usually of eating disorder.
You know, that could be some type of eating disorder, maybe.
But yeah, every arcade had some kid at it that you didn't know from your town.
You're like, there's only 40 kids in town.
I knows them all.
And who is this magic man?
Some little fellow named Laser or something.
Every arcade had some weird-ass kid that you never seen before who was always winning all the games and doing this and that.
Dude, I was always the weirdo at arcade where I would like, I'd have to check every little thing.
Then I'd go outside and check the newspaper machine, see if they had a quarter.
And then sometimes the video game, somebody would have dropped a quarter and it would have got stuck under.
So I'd look under there.
Sometime I'd get a piece of paper and fold it over about four times, make me a paper stick.
Make me a stick, but out of paper, it's almost like because paper was a stick.
So really, you're just doing some damn, it's almost like when you see a mannequin made out of actual human body parts, you're like, damn, okay, this is, You know, this is back, back, forth, and forth.
You know what I'm saying?
This is refurbishment.
But I'd make a paper stick and I would try to slide, reach under the machine and see if there was, because there's only about an eighth of an inch there, and it was dust in there.
It's nasty.
They usually have a little runt or a little gumball down there.
And I would slide that paper trying to knock a quarter out the end.
Or look behind the machine.
There was a button behind the machine.
Sometimes you could press it.
It would turn the machine on and off.
And I would always wait for it to come on and think it was going to let me have a free game and it wouldn't.
And then there was always the person that would sit there and watch you play all the games.
That dude.
That kid, whoever that kid was, a little benjy or little tragic.
We had a little black kid bust named Tragic, right?
And man, he never had a damn dime, bro.
He sit there and watch you play.
He wouldn't say nothing, bro.
Damn, he wouldn't say nothing.
I don't know if he ever even said nothing.
He might still be just looking at something.
But what else?
What'd you say, man?
Yeah, it was fun, though.
The video games was a big part.
And I would get, what was that game?
Super Ice Brothers?
Let me see.
Super Ice.
Super Ice Bros?
No, that wasn't it.
Yeah, Super.
Maybe it was Smash Brothers, but it was an old one.
I thought it was Ice Bros.
Yeah, there was some game, just, I don't even know.
Some of the games were just so old.
Oh, Castlevania.
And you get to, you know, it was like, I don't know what it was.
It was like some guy that was like kind of like, it was like Zillow for vampires.
It was like some guy that was looking for a castle, I guess.
I don't remember.
He just couldn't really find.
I don't remember what it was.
It was like five.
I don't remember if the place had a drawer.
He didn't like.
He was fighting, but he had a whip and you were angry at the realtors.
And you were like looking for a nice castle, but you couldn't find what you wanted.
You know, you'd be in like a 60-bedroom castle and you'd be pissed off.
I don't know.
I wasn't real good at it.
But mom or dad give you that quarter and you'd go, oh, when you put that quarter in, just the feeling you had.
I got a chance.
All right.
Hit the buttons a couple times before the game starts.
Move the joystick.
Man, it was fun.
That was a good time.
Thank you for the call.
As always, the hotline 985-664-9503.
Let's hear another one.
Hi, Sambon.
It's Molly Martin from New Albany, Indiana.
Molly Martin from New Albany, Indiana.
And Indiana is a good place to really pull over on the side of the road and think about, you know, think about some of the choices you've made.
Onward, baby, let's hear more.
And I'm calling because I just listened to your episode today with Chris, the first person with Down syndrome to complete the Iron Man.
And I was crying from the first minute to like, I'm crying the whole episode.
It was so heartwarming, especially because my older brother has Down syndrome.
Okay.
So you got that insider trading, baby.
That would hit close to home if you have that.
Onward, thank you for listening.
It just meant a lot to me to see the way that you gave him the space to express himself, and you did such a good job of asking him questions and having conversation with him.
I was really impressed and touched by that.
And Chris is so inspirational.
He's inspiring me to make my own dream board and to stop making excuses for myself of why I can't do this or that and to be focused every day on my dreams.
And I also really hope that you guys do that double date that you talked about on the podcast.
Oh, yeah, I think we might try that.
I'm going to aim for it.
You know, I mentioned Terrence Ross on the podcast, and he plays for Orlando's Magic.
And if I can, when the world's open, I'll go to a game and see if we can't find a couple nickels, man.
I mean, we'll take dimes, but we'll settle for nickels, baby.
You feel me?
But that'd be fun if me and Chris could go on a double date to the game.
So I would love to do it.
So I'm going to see if I can't make that happen.
And then, you know, obviously Terrence will have to get us tickets, but that's on Terrence.
You know, that is on Terrence, man.
That ain't my problem, Terrence.
So we'll see what happens, man.
But no, Molly, I appreciate you checking it out.
You know, man, I just went through such a week of like uplifting moments.
There was the Chris interview.
There was the Dustin Wynn.
Tom Brady making it back to the city.
Just things that made you feel hopeful, I think.
Things that made you feel like there is magic happening.
And I needed that.
You know, and it was one of the most interesting things about being around Chris was, well, first, just from looking at him, there heads this assumption that he can't hear you sometimes or that he's not paying attention.
I don't know what it is, you know.
And it's not from him.
It's just from having been around other DS children and stuff like that and DS, you know.
And, you know, where you, you kind of, I don't know.
I think I went into it with this curiosity, like, what is it really like to be inside of him?
you know, and not, I'm not talking sexually or nothing like that.
I'm talking from a point of like, what is it like for his frame of reference for the world?
You know, and how can I get that?
How can I see what he's seeing?
Because I had a time, one time I was in a Halloween costume and I was in there and it was sweaty and I could look out the eye slots, but the mask was real thick and I couldn't move that great and it was hard.
People couldn't hear me.
And I felt like, man, I wonder if this is what it's like to have like a Down syndrome or autism.
You know, like you can see the world, but it just can't you can't interact with it the way you want to.
Because that's what I had felt.
I had felt trapped a little.
So I think I wish I would have asked Chris more things like what are things that he likes to smell, you know, like I wish I would have talked to him more about feelings and asked his dad if he has like all the same feelings that people without Down syndrome have, you know, non-DSers.
But hey, I think there could be another opportunity.
I was extremely just inspired by him.
And also, it was cool to see he's 22. Or he's 22 or 21. At that age, who cares?
You know, so he's thinking about women just like I was at that age.
Just like I still am half the time.
So it was just dope to see that, look, he's still, he's feeling, he's trying to find this other element that may be out there for him, that lady, you know, smoking hot.
I love that, man.
He's smoking hot.
Smoking hot.
Man, but it was special and his dad was special.
And, you know, I just felt lucky to be in their presence.
That's kind of what I felt like.
So, yeah.
God bless him, man.
You know, and yeah, we can do it whatever it is.
You know.
What is it?
What did he say?
The pain or your dreams?
The pain or your dreams, you know?
And he just kept choosing his dreams.
But thank you for that call, Molly.
And be safe out there.
I saw an owl get denigrated one time, or I don't know if that's a word, but killed by a tow truck over there on 52 or 53 heading from Indianapolis to Bloomington.
So, all right.
Let's take another call that came in right here, man.
Here we go.
Hey, Theo, this is Will.
I wanted to call in, let you know about what restaurants this used to hit when I was a kid.
It reminded me when you were talking about my mom taking me to parties when she would be taking us to school in the morning.
You know, we'd always get a little just a biscuit.
You know, you'd get a biscuit real cheap, and then we'd get a little jelly packets for free so we could have a biscuit with jelly.
Oh, yeah, baby, that free jelly.
God, whoever invented free jelly, baby, praise God.
I mean, they knew, they knew, they knew I was going to come into the world, and I would be looking for something like that.
You know, some of them when I think about, some of them I'll lay in bed at night and just think about all the packets of free jelly that are out there.
Behind every counter, at every, you know, fast food joint, just right under the ledge.
Just a bucket of damn free jellies, baby.
And dual jellies.
Strawberry and grape.
Strawberry and grape, baby.
And some of them I just can't even sleep just thinking about all the individual packets.
And you know, first jelly was all together and then they fucking separated it, man.
And I don't know who came in, the Germans or a bunch of business people came in and just, you know, you know?
And then they put it all in a little packet, little orphan, little orphan teas, tablespoons of jelly, bruh.
And I call it yelly sometimes.
But damn, there's something beautiful, man.
you close your eyes and think about all the jelly that's out there.
Thank you.
Goddess.
I mean, it's remarkable.
It's remarkable, brother.
And yeah, I feel you, man.
I remember when we had a little bit of money, when mom had sold something, you know, mom, so nomad would sell different items.
You know, when she did newspapers and she would do some time, you know, cookies, this company called Vortman Cookies.
And I'd sneak out to her car at night and have me about 30 damn oatmeal cookies or something, you know, 45 shortbreads or all kind of shit.
So full of cookie, I couldn't even get back to the house, man.
So full, I couldn't even bend my body.
I was walking like a gingerbread man.
Which was ironic because I just had nine of them.
And but some of the mom would take us to get a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit from Mac Daniels, baby.
God.
I mean, that was my roof's crisp, daddy.
And I remember the wrapper at the time, it said bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit on it.
So if a girl walked by, I'd fucking, I would wait till a girl walked by.
And that's when I would open it so she would see the side.
Bitch, I got all these ingredients up in there.
You know, this that Fulmonty, baby.
This that buffet grenade, baby.
This bacon egg and yes.
And there was something special about it, man.
There was something about it.
And I missed that, man.
That was fun.
And some of my, my father would go with us, too, when I was real young.
He only went once or twice before they got divorced, but he would go sometimes.
But I remember that, man.
It was nice, man.
I felt, man, I felt fancy.
I really, really felt fancy when we got that.
Let's take another call.
Here we go.
Yo, what up, Theo?
It's me, Aiden Elliot, down from here in Georgia.
What's up, Elliot?
Down there in Georgia, brother.
You know, not the country in Europe, but, you know, the state.
Oh, yeah.
Georgia is a good place to get a hickey from somebody who, you know, who really for anybody.
Some people, they give it to you as a form of payment.
You know, they paint, they paint, you know, you paint their fence and they come out and suck on your neck for 30 seconds, bro.
It's just that kind of town, baby.
Let's go.
Gang.
God's good, baby.
But what I'm wondering is rumors were spreading around my old high school that I'm a homosexual.
You know, kids thinking I'm gay, really.
Oh, yeah, gay man, gay adult.
Yes, sir, onward.
It's pretty stressful, okay?
Because, you know, I don't want people to think that and me, nothing wrong with that.
But, you know, I'm just not personally into men like that.
I like women.
You know, but they're over here saying I like men, and that's a lot on my plate.
So I just need some advice for that.
Take it easy.
Have a wonderful day.
Gang, brother.
And look, I feel for you, man.
I know it's, you know, I don't think that, you know, people don't like rumors.
And rumor is just a fairy tale that's fired specifically at you like a gun.
Like one person pulls out a damn fairy tale gun and just, you know, caps your ass.
That's rumor.
And if they saying you into homosexuality, then that could be alarming.
Because if you're in a small area and there's only about nine women a date, if five of them hear the rumors, you're down to four women.
You know?
And if one of them doesn't like athletic activities and you like to jog in the morning, then you down to three women.
So yeah, it's tough when rumors like that happen.
But some of it, you just got to man up and just, you know, maybe it's maybe it's a sign that you need to start taking dating seriously.
It could be another man in town planted the rumor because they're trying to get the real dimes.
And you over here penny pinching, you know what I'm saying?
So you're going to be stuck.
You're going to be stuck with a woman that's less than a nickel, dog, unless you get out there and hunt.
Because if he says that, and then the local ladies say, oh, well, look, you know, little Elliot out there slurping that bone, then, you know, I can't offer him.
I have nothing to offer him because I got titty.
But what I would say is, man, well, first of all, there's always, when I was young, they had a rumor if you had on a turtleneck, you were gay or flirting for gay.
You know, basically bait fishing for gay.
You was letting other gay men or, you know, kind of homeowners or whatever know that you were available.
And I didn't know that shit, man.
And I remember a turtleneck truck broke down near our house and somebody robbed it or whatever.
And next thing you know, everybody in our neighborhood had turtlenecks, blue and green.
And we wearing them bitches, man.
People was cutting the sleeves off them, cutting the turtle off them, cutting the neck off them, people grilling them.
Some people thought it was made out of real turtle, made soup out of them.
You know, it was a different time.
But suddenly a lot of men, you know what I'm saying, men showed up in our neighborhood because they saw the turtlenecks.
And they come over and kind of, you know, ask you how you was doing or try and give you a little butterscotch or something.
So it's risky, man.
It's a, you know, but there's always stuff that's going to happen and it's how you react to it, brother.
And I don't think this is that big of an issue, but, you know, I think maybe it's just a sign that it's time for you to get out there and start being real with these ladies and quit peefooting around.
You know what I'm saying?
Okay.
Let's hear another call that came in, man.
And thank you guys.
I want to say thank you for supporting this podcast and for being a part of my life.
You know, I feel so grateful.
We have a lot of, man, I just feel grateful.
I feel grateful.
I'm just glad that I started podcasting.
You know, I didn't know that I was going to do podcasting.
And then I started.
So let's take one or two more calls here, man.
Let's see what we got right here.
Onward.
What up, Theo?
This is Kellen from Michigan.
What's up, Kellen?
And Michigan is a good place to fuck somebody with mittens on.
Let's hear more.
Last week you were talking about special restaurants or places you would go.
And you brought up Tim Hortons, so I thought I'd use Tim Hortons.
When I was a kid, we would go camping in Canada.
Oh, that's a good way to go missing onward?
We'd Get Tim Hortons, you know, their bagels and good coffee and shit.
I guess I didn't get the coffee.
I was a kid.
Them bagels, baby, them Jewish rounds, baby, onward.
But I always thought Tim Hortons was just in Canada.
And then we went downstate to the cities.
And I was like, oh, Tim Hortons is everywhere.
Anyways, I always thought that was cool.
And when I go there today, I think about camping with my parents and stuff.
So, gang gang.
Gang gang, brother.
That's an anticlimactic story.
But, you know, I will say there's something unique when you find out that whatever is yours locally is everywhere.
I remember that.
I remember thinking, wait, wait, wait.
McDonald's, they have a McDonald's?
You know, Josh has a McDonald's in his town.
You know, they have a McDonald's across the bridge.
They have two McDonald's.
Yeah, I thought McDonald's was just mine, just ours when we was young.
And that orange soda.
God, it was good.
Damn.
My God, it was good.
But thank you for calling, brother.
Appreciate that.
All right, let's take one more call that came in here, man.
Onward.
Hi, Ceo.
My name's John.
I'm from upstate New York.
I'm 17 years old.
I'm a senior high school, and I'm going off to the world after this.
Thank you for calling, John.
I appreciate your brother.
And I appreciate you.
I'm in upstate New York.
And they cut somebody's head off one time up there on a Greyhound bus, man.
And I'm sorry for reminding everybody about that.
And I didn't plan on reminding you, but I just said it, and then I realized, you know, that I'd said it.
I can't believe you're 17. Geepers, man.
You're in high school.
You're about to graduate from what?
Sounding like an adult, technical institution, but I can't believe it.
Bro, hold on a second.
Let's go back and hear you, dog.
And I love you, brother.
I do want to tell you that.
Homer?
Theo, my name's John.
I'm from upstate New York.
I'm 17 years old.
Hi, Theo.
My name's John.
Hi, Theo.
My name is John.
I'm from upside New York.
I'm 100.
Dude, you sound 52 years old, brother.
And you're going out to see the world?
What are you in a Charles Dickens novel?
Let's hear more.
I'm a senior high school, and I'm going off to the world after this.
The world?
Are you Lenny from of Mice and Men?
Is this Brendan?
Is this Brennan Schaub, who owes me that thousand?
Onward?
I'm just not quite sure what I want to do with my life.
You know, I work hard.
I don't get the best grades in school, but I work hard.
And I just want to hear your thoughts on this.
What do you think a young man should do?
Thank you very much, gang brother.
Gang brother, and I'm sorry I was making fun of you, man, but also I was just having a good time.
What would I do if I was 17 right now with a deep voice?
I'd probably do some fucking, honestly.
If I'm real honest with you, man, I'd do mating.
I'd mate with women.
With that voice, man, you could probably make love to half your mother's friends.
But what would I do if I were 17?
You know, if you weren't really sure what you would wanted to do, I don't think joining the military would be a bad idea.
Because you're going to get a lot of direction.
You're going to get physically in shape.
You're going to get camaraderie.
And I don't think we're going to hand-to-hand combat anymore.
We've kind of evolved out of a lot of that.
You know, a lot of war now is more press of a button, more pomp and circumstance.
You know, more kind of like the introductions, but not the actual start of the round.
So, and here's the thing.
You'd be done by 21, and the rest of your life, you would be so regimented, I think, and have such a good structure that from then on, you would be able to achieve anything you wanted.
If I could go back in time, I'd have more structure.
that's what I would have so what else hmm hmm I don't know, man.
Maybe race carrion?
You know, start with like a real beater or something.
Start with maybe a Toyota Tercel or something.
Hyandi or something like that.
Get out there, Dodge Neon, soup that bitch up.
Don't watch neon.
I'm upstairs!
Yeah, I would do something like that, maybe.
I don't know, man.
What is it?
You know, I would learn digital, some type of a digital skill.
Or I'd learn how to teach people to hunt with birds.
You know, I would just find something that you kind of like.
And if you don't know what you like, then try things until you find something you do.
You know, one time I remember I went up to the counter at this recreational facility.
And there was a cute girl working there, and I was trying to holler at her, and this was about nine years ago.
And I was kind of bored in my life.
I was just bored.
And she said, well, if you're bored, you're boring.
That's what she said.
And I'm not saying that you're bored, brother.
I'm not saying that you're brother.
I'm not saying that you're bored, John, from New York that's 50 or 40. But But there's a lot of things out there, man.
And we just got to go do them and try them out.
So I'd say just make a little list of things that you love or things even that you're afraid of?
And like Brooks was said, like Brooks said, man, get busy living.
You know, I don't know if he said it or not.
He died.
He died at the grocery store and he killed himself.
But um.
What else, man?
I think that's about it, brother.
That's it, man.
I want to thank you guys.
We didn't do intro music on this one.
You know, sometimes we have trouble getting some of the music cleared.
But next week we'll get back to some music.
So it's kind of interesting having no music.
You know, it keeps the egg right on the grill, I feel like.
But it doesn't give me as much to hide behind.
So.
But we'll talk.
I got some personal stuff I want to bring up next time, and we'll get into some of it or whatever.
Nothing real crazy, but I just want to share just some things that's going on.
And just to say thank you, man.
Thank you for being a part of my life and a part of this interesting journey that I've gotten to go on with podcasting and talking to unique people that are having unique lives.
And I don't get to talk to them if you're not here with me.
Because all I'm doing is just listening, really.
Same as you.
So you guys be good to yourselves, man.
And I love you.
And I mean that.
I even love John's old ass, little 40, 50-year-old ass, bro.
Hi, hi, hi.
Hi, Theo.
I'm five.
I'm six years old.
Hi, Theo.
I'm four.
Yeah, I've been working at the factory.
I don't.
Yeah.
I can't even buy a can of dip in my crib.
Oh, man.
You guys be good to yourselves, man.
How about that diamond, baby?
Pretty cool.
Pretty cool to watch.
A lot of neat stuff happen in the world, man.
And it can happen to other people and it can happen to us, man.
guys be good to yourselves man guys Let's go, Bishop Gunn, baby, making it.
I ain't seen home in about a hundred days.
I can almost hear mama pray for my restless soul.
And I ain't made a dollar I ain't spent, but where it's going ain't killed me yet.
I'll still get where I'm bound to go.
Tired, man.
Let's go, baby.
I'm making it.
Come on.
I'm making wrong.
Feel right.
I'm making it.
And it feels where I'm headed down.
I'm making good time Most all of my plans slip right through my hands and wind up next to me, looking on the ground.
If this bottle was an hourglass, I'd say that I'm about an hourglass.
I should've put it in the middle of the morning.
I'm making it and it helps where I'm heading in I'm making good time I'm making good time I'm making good
time I'm making good time Between the lives that I've crossed And the friends that I've lost I'm left here alone in my sleep.
But I'm in pretty good shape for the shape that I'm in.
I'm in pretty good shape for the shape that I'm in.
That's the truth.
You guys be good to yourselves, man.
You deserve it.
And I'll see you next week.
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