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Oct. 20, 2020 - This Past Weekend - Theo Von

02:16:10

E301 A Mortician

Theo sits down with mortician and dark arts specialist, Frank Giles, on this week's podcast in Nashville, TN. After embalming over 4,000 stiffs, Frank Giles is a certified bellhop for the LORD! New Merch https://theovonstore.com ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This episode is brought to you: Manscaped https://manscaped.com/theo Mint Mobile https://mintmobile.com/theo Raycon https://buyraycon.com/theo for 15% DISCOUNT on Raycon Wireless Earbuds Betterhelp https://betterhelp.com/theo for 10% OFF your First Month ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Music: “Shine” - Bishop Gunn http://bit.ly/Shine_BishopGunn ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hit the Hotline 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: http://bit.ly/TPW_VideoHotline ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Find Theo Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiEKV_MOhwZ7OEcgFyLKilw ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Producer Nick Davis https://instagram.com/realnickdavis Associate Producer: Sean Dugan https://www.instagram.com/seandugan/ ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Time	Text
	Today's guest is a certified death man.
	He's that Sherpa that helps you through that last step into the final front kia.
	Today's guest is here to talk everything about everything we don't know about death and being dead.
	Ladies and gentlemen, it's mortician Frank Giles.
	I can lift myself on my eyes.
	Shine that light on me.
	I'll sit and tell you my stories.
	Shine on me.
	And I will find a song I've been singing just for.
	Shine on me.
	We are here today with Frank Giles.
	Thank you for being here, man.
	You're quite welcome.
	It's an honor.
	Well, it's nice to have you in here, man.
	It's nice to have somebody that's really that concierge kind of for the dark arts.
	You're really right there.
	I mean, you're that last, you're kind of the bellhop for the devil or for God, really.
	That's right.
	That's one way to look at it.
	You know, we're checking your reservation.
	We're going to get you there one way or the other.
	Yeah, yeah.
	I got to ask you this.
	Take me through the process of when you guys get a body.
	Okay.
	The first thing that happens is normally a phone call.
	And that phone call, most of the time, is going to come from either a hospice nurse, a nurse at a hospital, nursing home, or either maybe even the county corner.
	And they're going to call and they're going to say, you know, we've had a patient expire or we've got a client in need of your services.
	And they're going to have, they're going to say something like that.
	And then we're going to go through and get some information such as, you know, their name, where they're located, who the next of kin is, and just some short information.
	And then the next thing that happens is we've got to receive that body into our care.
	So it doesn't matter if it's at a house or a hospital or a nursing home, wherever that person dies, we've got to go.
	You have to go to that locale.
	We've got to go to that location.
	And most of the time, see, I'm in a small community in Hopkinsville, Kentucky.
	We don't have people that take bodies to the morgue and we don't pick them up in the morning.
	When they call us, we're rolling that immediately.
	Oh, it's a one-stop shop over there.
	That's right.
	So when you call, if you call us at 2 o'clock in the morning, we've got an answering service that answers our phone at night.
	And so they're going to take down all the information and then they're going to call us.
	We're going to wake up, you know, from dead sleep.
	We're going to put our suits on.
	We're going to go to the funeral home, get the hearse, and then we're rolling to the location.
	Now, when you go to that locale, do you show up, do you go by yourself or you take a sidekick?
	No, we always take two people because in the words of Forrest Gump, you know, when you go to a house call, especially, you don't ever know what you're going to get.
	I mean, somebody could be dead in a bed or they could have died on the toilet like Elvis.
	I mean, you really don't know.
	You've got to go in there.
	That's right.
	We've got to bring that person out of that house no matter where they've died in the house, whether it be the attic, the basement, the bathroom, the bedroom, whether they be 100 pounds, whether they be 500 pounds.
	You know, we've got to get that person and we've got to bring them out of the house into the funeral hall.
	Have you ever had to call for backup?
	You know, you show up and they got somebody, they're real girthed out, you know, somebody's real just fully just, you know, just a real big dog or a big lady.
	Most of the time, they will tell us that ahead of time.
	You know, somebody will try to give us a heads up and say, you might need to bring some extra help or whatever.
	You might want to bring somebody from the gym.
	Yeah.
	You know, but I've taken as many as four or five people out to one house, you know, to get a body or, you know, to a hospital, you know, to make sure that we can get the body back.
	And how do y'all, do you guys just like everybody like on the kind of three, let's lift, like that kind of deal?
	Or are the bodies hard when you get there?
	Or are they still soft?
	It depends on how long they've been dead.
	Sometimes they're still warm.
	They're still soft and warm.
	Sometimes they've already gone into rigor mortise and that's where they kind of stiffen up.
	But, you know, in the funeral industry, one of the things that you will use more than most is a clean white sheet.
	You know, when we go, we'll take a white sheet and it doesn't have to be white, but any type of sheet, we'll roll it under them and everything, get a sheet under them so we can lift up on the sheet.
	You know, we've got other devices that are designed to do that that have handles.
	So if you've got a large person that, you know, that are rated for, you know, 500, 1,000 pounds and everything so that you can, because that's the thing about a deceased person is they are what's considered dead weight.
	Wow.
	And so, but if you've got something with handles that you can use, it makes lifting it a whole lot easier.
	Okay, so sometimes if it's a real big dog or a real big gal, you got to really get that tarp under them or something real stuff.
	That's right.
	You've got to get some type of body mover under them so that you can lift them up and get them to your mortuary cot.
	And what's the biggest person you think you've ever retrieved out there?
	Probably just under 600 pounds.
	Wow.
	Man.
	That's big, huh?
	That is big.
	And so you get the body.
	Now, in a larger city, they'll go to the coroner first, or what is that?
	What is the coroner?
	Well, the coroner, depending upon the county and the situation, like, for instance, in our county, the coroner responds if someone isn't under hospice care or isn't under doctor's care, and then he responds.
	And so, for instance, like if we walked in and just found you dead here today, then they would call and the police would Come and the coroner would come and they would do a death investigation.
	And if they decided that it was no foul play, there's no need for an autopsy, then they're going to call us and we're going to come get you.
	So everybody doesn't get autopsied.
	No, no.
	And it all depends upon your area.
	One thing that most people don't realize with funeral homes and some of the laws and things is they are very state by state and even in the state, sometimes regional as far as funeral customs.
	And like in a bigger city, there are going to be a lot more autopsies.
	Whereas, you know, where I am, there's very few autopsies.
	Wow.
	So it's just direct to you.
	It's direct to farm the table, really.
	Exactly.
	Because in Christian County, we don't have a medical examiner.
	A medical examiner is the actual person, it's the pathologist that does the autopsies.
	There's one in Madisonville, Kentucky that covers the whole western part of the state of Kentucky.
	So there's one for like a third of the state.
	So, you know, they can't send everybody to him, otherwise he'd be overworked.
	And so a lot of times it's just, you know, heart attack or, you know, they'll go through, they'll ask the family, did he have any heart conditions?
	What was his medical history?
	And then, you know, they'll make their judgment based on that.
	So if you had to kill somebody, right?
	If I'm a killer.
	All right, you're a killer.
	And do I want to kill in a particular type of county that may not have, that may be more rural?
	That would probably be a better way to get away with it in a smaller community because that way, you know, they don't have all the necessary resources.
	Have you ever rolled up on a body and they're like, yeah, they just died naturally and you kind of felt like they didn't, but it's not really your responsibility?
	No, not really.
	We've got good professionals that they do their job and everything else.
	Now, one time I did roll up on a suicide and they had, you know, they had worked it and everything else.
	And how they do it.
	You know, they said.
	Rope or gun, I mean.
	No, it was, you know, self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head.
	You know, it was.
	From the bottom or from the side?
	I can't remember.
	But the thing about it was they had, when they'd gone through and cleared the scene, when I went over there to start my part, I called one of the deputies back in and I said, do y'all want this gun for evidence?
	Or, you know, because it was still right there.
	Oh, what?
	They just left the gun there.
	And it's like, okay, before I touch anything and ruin the, contaminate this scene, what's happening here?
	And they're like, oh, we forgot to move that.
	Yeah, I believe you did.
	Thank you, Captain Obvious.
	Things get a little shoddy out there.
	Occasionally, you know, I guess it was the night shift, you know.
	Oh, yeah, man.
	The night shift.
	That's like when you go to like a Hampton Inn or something and they got that night manager.
	It's barely somebody that's even alive sometimes, you know.
	Dude, they had a blind, I was in Knoxville, Tennessee.
	This is probably 9, 12 years ago.
	And they had a blind man working as a night manager, man.
	And he just looked trapped back there.
	I felt like somebody just, I don't even know if he knew where he was, but you hit that bell and he'd come out there, you know?
	So night manager can be anybody.
	What about this?
	So now you get the body, okay?
	All right.
	So take us from there.
	Once you get that body, then what happens?
	What do you do with it?
	Okay.
	So when we get the body back to the funeral home, if the body is going to be embalmed, then we go ahead and we start the embalming process.
	Immediately?
	Immediately.
	If it's two o'clock in the morning, we're going to start embalming.
	Damn.
	Because the thing about our business is you don't know when the next person's going to die.
	You might go an entire day and not get anybody.
	But then the next day, you might get four back-to-back.
	How often do people die?
	Well, for instance, at our current location, we'll do about 125 funerals a year out of one facility.
	And then I've got another facility that's going to do about 120 calls a year.
	What's the most dyingist time of year?
	When do people tend to really just say, all right, I'm going to die?
	I'm dying.
	Normally your first quarter, January, February, March.
	Why?
	You know, cold, you know, stress, the holidays are over because, you know, I believe that, you know, somebody can have the will to live, you know, and in the end, you know, they've got Thanksgiving, they've got Christmas.
	They're waiting, you know, the family's coming in at Christmas.
	The family's coming in at Thanksgiving.
	But then in January, they're like, we won't see them again for another year.
	Or maybe they'll come in at the summer and get depressed.
	And, you know, hell with that amount.
	And, you know, once you get depressed, you know, you kind of just, you know how it was back when everybody was under quarantine and you couldn't see your friends and everything else?
	Oh, yeah.
	Everybody got depressed.
	Oh, you couldn't even tickle anybody.
	I remember that.
	That's right.
	They tried to take a guy to jail for tickling somebody in Pennsylvania.
	So, yes, tough just haywire, man.
	So people will hold out for the holidays, hold out for that time with the family.
	Once the Super Bowl's over, though, people are like, oh, F it, I'm dead.
	That's right.
	Normally in the funeral business, it's your first quarter and your last quarter are your two busiest times.
	Okay.
	And so you get that body, you know, you pick that sucker up.
	How do you know if they're going bomb or if they're going dust?
	Because we're going to talk to the family.
	Most of the time, we'll talk to the family either by the family's there where the body is, if it's at the nursing home or if it's at their home, the family's there.
	And we'll have an interaction with the family and go ahead and talk to them about some preliminary things.
	Oh, hell yeah.
	Get permission to do the embalming.
	And then we'll go back.
	And sometimes they might say, well, no, he wants to be cremated or, you know, we're going to do this, you know, and so we want it done different.
	But once we get permission, we're going back to the funeral home and we're going to start that embalming process.
	Now, if they go cream, right?
	Do you, how do y'all do it?
	Y'all do stove?
	Y'all do not barbecue, but like Luau style?
	How do y'all do it?
	No, it's more of a, the crematory has this chamber that you put the body in, and that's how the body's cremated.
	And is it briquettes or wood?
	Like, what is in there?
	Do you know?
	No, it's gas.
	Oh, damn.
	Because it has to be pre, it's preheated to about 1,400 degrees before the body goes in.
	And do you put the body in there?
	No, I've got somebody else that does that.
	Okay.
	And is that a trustworthy person usually?
	That person to me seems shady.
	Yeah, no, that's a very trustworthy person.
	Wow.
	Because I just can't.
	I mean, if I. And how long does it take to really grill somebody down?
	Most of the time, it depends upon the size of the person and how new the crematory is.
	Like a grandparent, though, how much do you think?
	Oh, you know, you're probably a little over an hour.
	Damn.
	And what about like a 600-pounder?
	Now, see, that's different because you think of somebody that's 600 pounds and the fat that's on them.
	Oh, yeah.
	That becomes a controlled grease fire.
	So it's, there are, the crematories have weight limits on them.
	So some crematories can only do 500 pounds.
	Some of them can only do like 700 pounds.
	Some of them are rated for 1,000.
	And so you have to make sure that you don't get somebody too large for that crematory because otherwise you can have a major problem.
	One of my friends who had a crematory, he was cremating somebody and he didn't realize that they were as obese as they were.
	And so he had a grease fire going.
	You couldn't tell it from inside, but the crematory was smoking and they're not supposed to smoke because the afterburner is supposed to be burning off all that smoke.
	Well, he was in downtown in a city and rolling black smoke.
	He gets a call from the funeral home.
	And when he just said it to cook and left, he just like a smaller one.
	No, he was sitting inside the building with the crematory.
	And so he was sitting in there, you know.
	He didn't notice.
	And he couldn't see all the smoke outside.
	And he gets a call from probably a Native American, I guess.
	Hey, man, you got some rough signals rolling, huh?
	But the funeral home was actually across the street from the crematory.
	And somebody from the funeral home called and said, what's going on over there?
	You're rolling a lot of smoke.
	Well, about the same time that they called, the fire department showed up.
	And the fire department had to come?
	Well, the fire department came because there was all this smoke.
	And it wasn't anything that needed the fire department, but they just showed up.
	Wow.
	So needless to say, he learned a lot that day.
	Dang.
	Because the body, it's just like having, yeah, my sister, sometimes her and her husband will make cracklings, you know?
	They'll make cracklings in the yard and they'll cut up all the fat and put it in this big open thing.
	And somebody's got to be right there with like a boat ore just kind of hitting it every now and then.
	Once they put the body into the crematorium, into the furnace, do they kind of hit it with a thing every now and then?
	Or are they just, it's one time, it's kind of just, you know, starting and close the door?
	No, it's kind of start and close the door.
	And then, of course, they'll run it through, you know, to grind up the bones and everything that don't burn down.
	So there's a grinder in there, too.
	Well, no, the grinder's after they pull the cremanes out.
	Okay, so you put that body in, you grill them down, you know?
	And can you do well done?
	Can you do rare or it's just one setting?
	No, it's just one setting.
	Okay.
	Just one setting.
	You can't get a medium rare person.
	Yeah.
	That's what I would go, something a little bit more, you know, ceviche or something.
	Something not quite so fine, you know.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I want to be a little grainy, you know?
	So once they get that bone and everything else burns down?
	You know, they take and what doesn't burn down, they run through that kind of grinder and, you know, to where they can make it real fine.
	Okay.
	And depending upon, depending on what crematory you use and what kind of grinder they've got, some cremains are finer than others.
	Really?
	So who's more of a finer cremain?
	Like, what are you talking about?
	Like a Japanese guy?
	No, no, it's, it's just, you know, because a lot of times there's companies that own these crematories so that you don't have, so every funeral home doesn't have to own one.
	There's like a third-party guy that has this crematory and you take your body there and, you know, they'll do it for you.
	And so some of those guys, you know, if they have newer stuff, it might be finer than the olders, you know, if they're running that push mode.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally, man.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Every now and then you got somebody who just, you know, they haven't sharpened the silverware in a while.
	Exactly, exactly.
	Like, damn, what are y'all cremating this thing with spoons?
	One thing about the cremation process that you'll find interesting, if somebody has a pacemaker, that has to be removed before cremation because that battery will explode.
	No.
	And if that battery explodes, it can actually ruin the chamber that they use for the cremation.
	Wow.
	It's like when some asshole would throw a can of WED-40 in a ditch fire when I was growing up.
	Oh, yeah.
	Everybody's out there.
	Or that can a hairspray.
	Yeah.
	That white rain.
	Somebody whip a can of white rain.
	Yeah.
	That projectile's coming at you.
	Somebody's going down, man.
	That's when you just let the Lord work, man.
	That was kind of like a rural version of Russian roulette, man.
	Everybody's out there.
	Somebody's cooking a wiener.
	A couple kids are just running, just jumping through the fire.
	You notice little evil cannibals.
	And then some a-hole just freaking just flips a can of Aquanet into that bastard.
	That's right.
	And you know, somebody's, it's just pure luck from there on out.
	Okay, so if those are the body, you have any questions or something that came up?
	We got one from Melissa about embalming.
	Hey, Theo, this is Melissa calling from Jacksonville, Florida.
	I have a question for the mortician.
	The question is, have you ever had a customer request you to embalm them when they were alive?
	Gang, gang.
	Gang, baby.
	Beautiful young lady asking these death questions right here.
	And have you ever had anybody just want to, you know, get a little hit of it?
	No, I have not because, you know, I could imagine that that would be quite painful if you were still living.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, because, you know, one of the things that we do is we wire their mouth shut.
	And, you know, once you start, I would imagine that that would hurt.
	And when we do, when we make our incision to start injecting the fluid, I imagine once we hit you with that fluid, it's going to burn.
	So say a living person even just took a couple grams or a couple, you know, 20 milliliters in the arm or something.
	I mean, would it kill somebody, you think?
	I would venture to say if you were injecting it into your artery, it would probably would.
	Wow.
	What's in it?
	Well, there's a lot of different things in it.
	There's formaldehyde, glutaraldehyde, perfuming agents, water conditioning agents.
	But the bulk of them are formaldehyde and glutaraldehyde.
	And so that's what, and as a matter of fact, this is a bottle of arterial solution.
	Really?
	So this has got your formaldehyde in it and your glutaraldehyde in it.
	That's a death gravy, huh?
	That's right.
	This one's called Chromatec Pink.
	Made by Dodge Chemical Company.
	And who goes pink?
	Do different people go a different color?
	That might be for a lady?
	Sometimes you mix the colors, but most of the time you can use chromatec pink on a man, on a woman.
	It doesn't matter.
	Oh, I want something a little more gray or something.
	Well, you know, we've got some suntan dyes and stuff that we can put in there.
	Can kind of make it a little darker, you know, something like that.
	You know, so you've got some dyes that you can put some stuff in there.
	And then, of course, the cosmetics that you use can also make it to where if you want to look like that bronze or look, you know, like you've been laying out, you know, you just came back from Florida.
	Yeah.
	That one last tan, huh?
	That's right.
	That final tan.
	I love that, man.
	So you got a couple items here.
	You got that Chromatech pink, and so that's just that big sip.
	You put it right into somebody, right?
	How many bottles are that you throw into somebody?
	Well, normally about two.
	That's it?
	Uh-huh.
	Because we'll mix this up.
	We'll mix this with some other fluids that we have, you know, such as a water conditioner, another fluid that's called ProFlow.
	That's kind of like a vein conditioner and an artery conditioner.
	And we'll mix all that in about two and a half gallons of total solution.
	And so it's about two and a half gallons of solution that we put in the average body.
	And so what we do is we put that and inject that with an embalming machine through the artery.
	And at the same time, it's pushing the blood and stuff out the veins.
	Okay, so you don't drain the body first?
	No, it's a simultaneous process.
	Okay, so where do you put the entry and where do you put the outry?
	Well, different embalmers use different locations.
	Where do you go?
	I normally go to the forest.
	I don't want to tell anybody.
	I normally go to the femoral down here on the leg.
	Okay.
	Because that way.
	Daddy getting wild.
	Because that way, if it's a lady and she's got a low-cut garment, you know, if she's going to show a little cleavage at a visitation of funeral.
	I don't blame you.
	You can do that.
	You still got them.
	Exactly.
	If you paid for them, you know, and they're still sticking up and you want to show it, that's fine.
	But, you know, you've got, so I normally go down here to the femoral and I'll inject in the artery and drain through the vein.
	So you'll do it in and out the same area, same locale.
	Yep.
	Okay.
	Because as you're injecting, it's going to go all the way through, you know, through all the arteries and stuff back to the heart and then come back out the veins.
	And so you run in two and a half gallons, you said, about.
	Normally about two and a half gallons for the average person.
	And you'll flush out how much?
	Same?
	Yeah, you'll flush out the same, and now it won't be all blood.
	You know, you get about, you know, probably about 75, 80% of all the blood out.
	You know, some of the blood's still in the body.
	Okay.
	But yeah, you'll get out that much.
	Wow.
	Damn, boy, you're rocking right there on the cusp.
	That's wild.
	Do you ever need a couple drinks to get through it?
	No, no, I very, one thing about it, I very seldom drink, you know, as far as drink alcohol.
	But, you know, a lot of people in the business do.
	And it's just all in, it's all in your mindset.
	You know, this business didn't cut out for everybody, you know, because you think about it.
	And one of the most popular scriptures that's used in the funeral business or in the funerals is the 23rd Psalm.
	And it talks about walking through the valley of the shadow of death.
	Well, the shadow of death's where I live.
	You know, that's basically where I live because somebody's dying and that's where I'm pretty much staying.
	Oh, you're out there Voldemorting, man.
	You're milling around.
	That's right.
	That's right.
	I'm just waiting on the next one.
	Do you ever see people around town?
	You're like, oh, I'll probably get a call on this one in a week.
	Not normally because most of the time those people are in the nursing homes, but you never know.
	You ever want to pool with the people at work?
	No, no, we don't.
	As far as when somebody's going to die, no, that's just bad juju right there.
	Then that might make you the next person.
	You never can tell.
	Yeah, you're right.
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	And now back to the podcast with the Death Man, Frank.
	So you got a couple items here now.
	You got a pint of that embalm there, and then you got this other little holster here.
	What is that?
	That's a cremation urn.
	That's a black onyx culture marble urn.
	And your basic run of the mill?
	Well, that's kind of a standard, you know, that some people use.
	Some people like the marble because you can engrave on it, and it's pretty sturdy, you know, unless you just throw it out the window, you know, and then, but, you know, a lot of people use the marble urns for cremation, you know, after they've had them cremated.
	And, you know, it looks nice.
	You can either set it on your mantle if you're going to keep it, or you can also bury it, you know, put it in a column burial mall.
	There's lots of things you can do with cremains.
	Yeah, somebody, it looks like you'd almost look for a dang Kleenex out of that one.
	It's almost perfect that size.
	Exactly.
	How much cremains do you get total?
	Hmm.
	Let's see.
	I would say if you were it's going to probably, well, for one thing, if the person has never had a normal situation, you're going to get probably somewhere around, you know, 180 cubic centimeters or something like that.
	So how many handfuls is that, you think?
	Oh, it's several.
	It's probably going to be about that much.
	Oh, like 40 handfuls, maybe?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, it's not going to fill this up, but it's going to come pretty close.
	Okay.
	And is it, how fine is it?
	Are we talking salt?
	Are we talking it's more like dust sand that's down in Destin?
	Are we talking more like Black Beach kind of sand you'd find out in San Francisco?
	What kind of it's a it's what's the vibe of that dust, that death dust?
	It's probably, I guess, a little bit bigger than salt.
	Okay.
	And is there any gristle in there?
	It's all the same.
	No, sometimes there's, you know, you'll catch a bigger chunk of bone that made it through or something like that.
	Half a molar, a filling, anything like that?
	No, no, you won't ever catch anything that big normally.
	And normally it's pretty gray.
	You know, it's not.
	Do you feel bad having done probably, you know, how many embalms have you done?
	Oh, let's see.
	Probably throughout.
	I've probably been involved in, I don't know, about 4,000 or something.
	Damn, bro.
	You're going to hell, bro.
	You're riding dark, dog.
	4,000?
	So, because I've been doing it over half my life.
	Dang, bro.
	Does one come to mind that there was just the toughest one for some reason?
	Something happened?
	No, I mean, it seemed like one was in your head there.
	Because, you know, I think back in, you know, one of the things that's so different is a regular embalming, you know, you're pretty good.
	You know, it's pretty much the same.
	You're going to get by with a real small incision, you know, something like that, and then, you know, that, and then a little puncture room about the size of my pinky.
	That's about normal.
	Whereas when you get somebody who's been autopsied, you know, that's when you see that big Y incision that you see on the TV all the time.
	And you have to, you know, you have to treat.
	There's a lot more work to that because you can't just inject one site because they've already, they removed all the viscera.
	So you'll put it in, it'll start flowing out in the middle.
	So you have to inject down each leg and the arms, and you have to inject the carotids up the head.
	And how do you, how do you, if you, if there's a leak, what do you do?
	Put a chip clip or something?
	Like, what do you do?
	Just well, well, if there's a leak while you're, like in the vessels, while you're doing it, you'll put a clip on it.
	Okay.
	But then what you do is you have to take, like, for instance, in an autopsy, in a full autopsy, they remove your brain.
	And who does?
	The pathologist.
	Oh, my God.
	And so when they do all that, when they remove your brain and all your organs and everything else, they come back to us and they're in the cavity, but they're in just a biohazard bag.
	Oh, kind of like when you get that turkey at the holidays, huh?
	Yeah, kind of like the bag.
	You know what I'm saying?
	Sometimes they take all the stuff out and put it back in the little sack.
	Yeah, I guess you could relate it to that.
	And so, like, we have to go back and we have to make sure that the head doesn't leak and that we can, and then we have to sew that back up because they don't sew it back up.
	Because, you know, they'll take and they'll cut you from behind the ear to behind the ear.
	And then it's like one of these deals where you can flip, you can flip it forward to where your hair is actually on your nose.
	Oh, wow.
	And so, and then that's how we have to get back in there to, you know, to make sure that all those vessels are going to be to where it doesn't leak and it doesn't leak on the casket, you know, while we're having the visitation or the funeral.
	So you get the body, right?
	And wait, what happens to the, before I forget this, what about like a man's penis, right?
	Do a lot of people die holding their penis, I feel like?
	No.
	You know what I'm talking about, though?
	Like, I'll notice if I'm falling asleep, sometimes I'll wake up and I'm just holding my penis for no reason.
	I think it's just a natural thing.
	You know, it's just, this is my penis and I'm holding it, you know, kind of.
	But does when you find a lot of bodies, are they doing it holding a certain part of their body?
	Are they just, do some people just like do like this, like they already, they're ready to die, so they know they're dying?
	Is there any type of thing you notice, like a jet, like something, like a piece out?
	Is there anything people are doing?
	No, normally they're just, you know, it's just wherever their hands fall.
	And, you know, so a lot of times, a lot of times it's just, you know, if they're down beside them or if they're right there, you know.
	Somebody will die like that.
	Sometimes they, you know, they've got them like that because they start to, you know, put them in that.
	Sometimes they start putting them in that position, you know, at the nursing home or whatever.
	Have you ever gone to a home where they adjusted the body after it had died for some reason?
	Like they didn't want it to be a certain place.
	So they didn't, they just, and you were like, you didn't really ask them questions, but you're like, oh, yeah, I know this guy wasn't just sitting out here in this rocking chair, you know?
	Oh, no, because most of the time, the people, you know, aren't going to do a whole lot to the body.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	Why is that, you think?
	Because there's a lot about death that people don't understand, and there's a lot of people that are uncomfortable around it.
	You know, and they're just uncomfortable with, you know, the whole death and dying process because they aren't as exposed to it as they used to be.
	You know, because back in the old days where the funeral director or the embalmer would come to the house and he would embalm the body at the house.
	No.
	Yes.
	He had what was called a cooling board because that was back when they would have like an embalmer and a funeral director, but he wouldn't, that was back before funeral homes, so he didn't take them back there.
	You did everything at the house or took the body to the church.
	But most of the time they did hostmates or something.
	They did the embalming right there at the house.
	And so, for instance, I've got an old glass bottle that was found.
	Somebody found it when they were cleaning up around an old house.
	And what it is, is it's an old glass fluid bottle.
	And when they embalmed the body, they threw the glass bottle out the door and it got covered up.
	And so when they were tearing down this house, they found it and somebody brought it to me.
	Because used to, they'd embalm the bodies at the house.
	They'd come out, they'd bring what was called a cooling board, and they'd set that up and then they'd put the body on the cooling board.
	And back then, because they were doing it that way, they'd inject and drain right here in the arm.
	So that way they could just hang the arm off the side and then the blood would just drip down into the ground.
	Well, most of the time, they were doing this like in your house.
	So it would drip down into whatever bucket or whatever reservoir that they had to catch it.
	And when was this up until?
	Do you know?
	That was back until probably, you know, let's see, probably back in the 40s.
	Wow.
	And the cooling board, what was that?
	Was it a, was it ice?
	It had ice in it or how did it?
	No, it was just what it was called.
	That's just what it was called.
	It was just like, it was more rustic than a fold-out massage table.
	Okay.
	You know, that would be kind of what you'd think about it today is they would come up with that table and they would fold it out and put the body on it and then they'd take that back with them.
	Man.
	When you go to pick up a body in the middle of the night, do you knock or do you ring the bell?
	Or people are usually standing outside?
	Sometimes I'll knock.
	Sometimes if I can see them in there, I'll just walk right on in the house.
	And, you know, because I'm in kind of a small area and a lot of times I'll know the family or know some family member.
	And so we'll just, I'll just walk or sometimes I'll knock as I'm entering because, you know, they're sitting there waiting on you.
	Oh.
	So, Frank, you get the body, right?
	What happens when you get the body after you do the fluiding?
	All right.
	The fluid's out.
	You got the fluid.
	And what do y'all do with the blood that comes out?
	You really want us to answer that question?
	Yeah.
	It goes right down the drain.
	No.
	Yes.
	It goes right down the drain and right into the system.
	And you better hope that your water treatment guy is doing his job because if not, then the person down the river is getting it.
	Dang.
	So you could get that a positive hit just on a damn because no, they treat the tap.
	Because during this process, we're always running water.
	And they've done tests and they've said that with us running as much water as we do, that it's no difference from if you were to cut your finger and stick your finger under the tap water of your kitchen.
	It's no difference than that blood being diluted than when we embalm a body.
	Then when you'll drop a couple gallons of the amount of water.
	Because we're constantly running water when we're embalming just to get the blood off the table and get it on down the drain.
	And then we're also bathing the person while we're doing the embalming because that massage, you know, when you bathe them, helps circulate the fluid.
	Now, you ever see anybody, you ever keep a little bit of blood, put it on the plants or anything like that?
	You ever know anybody who did anything like that?
	No.
	Why would you put blood on the plants?
	Well, whenever I used to live up in Natchez, they used to have a man, they said, and he was a, I guess he worked with blood or something.
	He was like a blood man.
	And they said he would take some of the blood and put it on his house plants at home just for the vitamins and minerals, you know.
	No, I've never heard of that.
	That's a new one on me.
	Have they ever caught anybody in your industry doing something vile or caught them, you know, somebody's kind of skimming off the bottom there, you know, stealing blood or, you know, copping femurs or something out of deceased or anything?
	Now, there have been people in the industry, especially mainly like hospital attendants or something like that, who have, you know, gotten caught, you know, trying to sell body parts or something like that.
	But no reputable funeral person is trying to sell blood or, you know, bones or anything that's, you know, to any black market people.
	There's no side hustle or anything.
	No, there's no side hustle on that.
	There's for sure it in the high conjunction, Jeff.
	Now, tell me about this.
	So say you get the body.
	It's been embalmed.
	Now what do you have to do to it?
	Okay.
	Well, the next process we would be waiting for would be the process of dressing, cosmetizing, casketing, and getting the body ready for the visitation.
	Is that your responsibility?
	Yes.
	Okay.
	Or that's part of my responsibilities.
	Now, who sells the casket to them?
	I do that as well.
	No way.
	I'm one-stop shop.
	Hey, man.
	You like the papa lock of death.
	That's right.
	That's right.
	Now, is that a little bit of a tough vibe?
	Because, I mean, you have to sell someone.
	You have to then do a real business, you know.
	Right.
	And you're dealing with like a, you know, a human life.
	Exactly.
	Most states, like for instance, in Kentucky, we have, you can be either a licensed funeral director, a licensed embalmer, or you can be both.
	So for instance, I'm dual licensed.
	I have both licenses.
	Okay, so you got both of them.
	You're permitted to do it.
	That's right.
	So you'll do it all the time, then it's natural.
	Right.
	Now, what's that basic casket, man?
	That basic death box?
	with that number one deal.
	So now you're talking about You barely want to go to heaven?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Like showing up to heaven on the Greyhound.
	I'm talking about just a seat.
	It ain't even a whole ride, man.
	You're talking about a price on that?
	No, you're going to be talking about something like $9.95.
	So for under $1,000, you can get boxed up.
	No, that's just for the box.
	Okay, it's the box only.
	That's not the service.
	Right.
	Wow.
	Because in 1985, the Federal Trade Commission came in and they said, you know, you've got to have a charge for everything that you do.
	So, you know, they said.
	So there's no freebies in the deaf community.
	Right.
	So they said, you know, because used to pre-1985, a lot of times you went into the selection room and that's where all the caskets are out.
	Oh, yeah.
	And when you would go, you'd look at this casket and it'd have a price on it and it was everything included.
	Well, then they said, well, somebody might not want everything in there, so you have to itemize all your charges.
	And then you go from there.
	And so then they pick out all the services that they want.
	Then they have to add their casket to it, vault if they're using a vault, and then that's your funeral total.
	And that vault, is the vault really necessary, man, or is it better to just get, you know, I want almost the gift wrapping.
	I want that low-key, you know?
	Well, you know, some cemeteries require vaults.
	Some states require vaults.
	It all depends.
	In Kentucky, a vault is, the vault requirement is based on the cemetery.
	But a vault will do two things.
	It supports the weight of the earth off the casket, and it also keeps water and other elements and bugs and things from getting to the casket.
	And how long does a casket last you?
	Well, it depends upon the type of casket.
	For instance.
	That $9.95, brother, how long is that going to get me?
	Oh, you know, it depends if, you know, vault or no vault.
	If you're not getting it in the vault, it's not going to last very long.
	Are we talking eight months or something?
	It's going to depend upon...
	Well, a lot of it depends upon ground conditions.
	Because you think...
	Yeah, because if you're in a real wet area, that thing's going to be sitting in water.
	And, you know, water is not good for metal or wood and everything else.
	Whereas it's going to last longer if you're in a drier area.
	You know, it's kind of like if you go back to the ancient Egyptians, some of those bodies that were just buried in the desert where it was real dry, they lasted almost as long as those that were mummified.
	Right.
	Whereas, yeah, you go to like a swampy area in Africa or you go to Louisiana, man.
	That thing's just a little snack for the swamp.
	That's right.
	Wow.
	Yeah, let's hit a casket question here.
	What do we have here?
	Eric Henry as well.
	What up, Theo?
	What up, Nick?
	This is Daniel from Tucson.
	Now, I know Lil Boosie turned down the idea of getting into the casket making business but I wanted to ask your mortician what is the most outlandish or extravagant casket you've seen a customer walk out of your store with?
	You know, did that thing have some spinners on it?
	You know, was it a translucent water bed hitter?
	I'd like to hear about it.
	Anyways, gang, gang.
	Gang, bro.
	What'd they put in there?
	What's the most extravagant casket?
	You know what I'm saying?
	Something with some cat toys hanging from the ceiling or you got, you know, you got something with a little hot tub at one end of it.
	What's the wildest thing you put somebody in?
	Well, you be honest.
	Well, most of the time, the people that are buying your real upscale caskets are going to buy either a bronze casket or a very fine hardwood, such as, you know, a mahogany that might be, you know, where that wood was imported from Africa.
	And then depending upon the finished work that goes into it, because, you know, whether it, you know, it be flat top and, you know, the finished parkade and everything else, that's a very expensive casket.
	And then also, you know, they've got some that are 48-ounce bronze, you know, and kind of look like they've kind of, they almost look gold almost, you know, and you can see like some of the celebrities have been buried in, you know, some of those, like I'm thinking of Michael Jackson.
	And, you know, I think, let's see, Whitney Houston, I think was in a, was in like a millennium that Bates will makes.
	And so, you know, some places will use that as a selling point, you know, because the casket companies used to furnish a list basically every year, every couple years of recent celebrities and what caskets that they used.
	Really?
	And what happened to that list, do you think?
	I think that, you know, as they've, as things have come, come on, they've just quit publishing it.
	But, you know, for instance, there's a company, it's now owned by Bateswell Casket Company, but it used to be called Marcellus Casket Company.
	And they made the finest hardwood caskets in the world.
	Oh, yeah, amen.
	And so what they would do is they would make these caskets, and one of them was called the President, and the other is called the President Carve Top.
	And the difference between them is the one that's the carved top, it has a lot of carvings on it.
	But, you know, JFK and, you know, a lot of those presidents were buried in those two different caskets.
	And so it was called the President Carve Top and the President.
	Now, when Ronald Reagan died, he was put in a Marcellus, and it was called the Masterpiece.
	And the reason they called that the masterpiece was that it had barbecue sauce in it either.
	That casket was so big that it would not fit in a standard burial vault.
	And so, you know, of course, Ronald Reagan was put in a mausoleum that was designed to where it would accommodate that casket.
	But, you know, that's a little bit larger casket than your standard casket.
	And so, you know, that's probably, you know, you see that.
	You know, we sell some mahogany caskets.
	If we've got somebody that's going to spend a lot of money, most of the time they buy a mahogany casket.
	Wow.
	Because the look of mahogany, you know, it looks really good.
	Oh, yeah.
	And, you know, that's what they want.
	They like that warmth and the beauty of the wood.
	Some people find metal, whether it be any type of metal, to be more cold rather than, you know, warm-like woods.
	And how pricey does that get?
	What's the priciest deal you guys have ever put in the ground, man?
	Hmm.
	Hmm.
	Probably, you know, somewhere over 50. Wow.
	50K, huh?
	Man.
	And do people on average spend more money burying men or burying women?
	Probably women.
	Because a lot of times, you know, the men will care less.
	But now, because they will say, you know, because if you think about it, most people are thinking, well, you know, of all the sacrifices mama made and, you know, what mama did for you and everything else.
	And, you know, daddy always said, just put me in a pine box or throw me in the ditch or whatever.
	But mama, I mean, this is mama.
	Mama took care of you every need.
	You know, we got to do a little bit better for mama.
	Yeah.
	Mama loves you.
	Yeah, we got to do something for mama.
	Mama and Jesus always loved you, Theo.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Amen, man.
	So once you get the body, you got it, you got it embalmed, what do you guys, what other things do you have to do to the body to make it look presentable if you're going open casket?
	Well, we do their cosmetics, and of course, we'll dress them in the clothes that the family brings.
	And sometimes that's suit and tie, and sometimes that's overalls and, you know, flannel shirt, whatever the family wants.
	Can you go full naked or not?
	Can you go nude if you want?
	That's probably, that'd be frowned upon, you know, because, you know, we wouldn't want to make some people feel bad, you know, if they weren't, you know, as well endowed, you know, if you were full nude and, you know, they'd be like, huh.
	Or it might make them feel better about themselves.
	You know, I just really don't know.
	It'd be interesting to get a look at that body fully nude at the end.
	I think it almost would make it a little bit more like, okay, they're headed, they're part of life than they are, like trying to make them still look alive.
	But, you know, you think about maybe more people have seen you fully nude and more would expect that.
	But most of the time, you know, they want that image as close to how they can remember that person.
	So unless, you know, America's used to seeing you fully nude, they probably would much rather see you with clothes on.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, that's true, I think.
	And especially if y'all can eat after.
	Yeah, because, you know, that's a big thing is, you know, the meal after the funeral.
	Because, you know, a lot of times either churches will host it or a family member will host it at their house.
	And do you guys get invited to that or no?
	Sometimes, and a lot of times we'll get invited.
	And if we're not really busy, then we'll go.
	But, you know, sometimes, you know, right after this funeral, we've got another one getting ready to start.
	So we don't have time to hit up all those meals.
	And have you ever accidentally had the wrong body in a clothes casket?
	No.
	No.
	Because we have lots of procedures to make sure that we don't do that.
	And then especially since we're a smaller town, a lot of times we'll know the person.
	And so it'll be like, oh, yeah, that's so-and-so.
	That's Randy.
	That's Randy.
	So he goes in this casket.
	That's Theo.
	He goes in this casket.
	Wow.
	Is there any do you, oh, so I don't forget about this.
	What else do you have to do to the body?
	You put the cosmetics.
	What about like the orifices and stuff?
	How do you make sure that there's no leaking coming out of the body or there's no, you know, something's not going to come out of someone's nose or eye?
	Okay.
	Now that goes back to the embalming process because the majority of the time, as part of the embalming process, we do a treatment of the organs and the cavities.
	And that's where we use what's called a trocar.
	Okay.
	And we use that to puncture and suck out all the contents of the organs.
	Oh, wow.
	Yeah.
	So you have to suck out whatever's in the stomach and everything?
	Right.
	Wow.
	What do you, how does that go?
	Okay.
	So you've got a trocar.
	Trocar is probably, you know, about that long.
	And what is it?
	It's a metal tube, and you've got a handle, and it's got a pointed end.
	And the way that it works is there's slots and holes in it, and it's hooked up to what's called a hydroaspirator.
	So water's running through that, creating a suction.
	Okay.
	And so what you'll do is you'll come two inches above and to the right of the navel, and you'll stick that in, and you'll just move it around.
	And that's the stomach?
	Wow.
	You'll just move it around and you're puncturing all the organs and sucking out their contents.
	Have you ever seen like liposuction on the Discovery Channel or whatever, how they're moving it around and everything else?
	It's kind of like liposuction.
	And can you tell what have people eaten the most usually?
	Most of the time you can't tell what foods it is because of the breakdown.
	But what you can tell is you can tell, like, for instance, you know what organ you're hitting based on, you know, what's the color of the fluid that's coming out of it.
	Have you ever been able to tell a food?
	No.
	Never, not even like a lucky charms or anything?
	Not that way.
	Now, sometimes, like, if we've had somebody who's choked to death, you know, you've seen the food, you know, still, you know, when you've cleaned out their mouth or whatever, you've seen the food still in there, you know.
	And how far down if people choke to death, is the food pretty far down or it's kind of close, you think?
	Well, it just depends, you know, because a lot of times it's pretty, I would say it would be pretty far down, but then when they tried to save them, some of that gets brought back up closer to the surface.
	But, you know, if they were unsuccessful and I've now got them in my possession, then, you know, they were unsuccessful.
	Since you've seen, so, and now what about, what about the mouth and the eyes and stuff like that?
	Do you have to do anything to keep them from like just swinging open or the ears?
	Well, part of the, one of the first things that we do in the embalming process is we wire the mouth shut.
	And so we take and we put we put what's called a it's a needle injector or an injector needle.
	And we put one up here and one down here.
	Dang.
	And then we wire their mouth shut.
	Thank God, man.
	I need it.
	A lot of these women need it and I need it too.
	And then a lot of times to get that good mouth closure or whatever, you'll put a little piece of cotton in there to elevate, you know, like a lip or something if it's drooping and everything else.
	Now, your eyes, we have what's called eye caps.
	And those look like contacts with ridges.
	And then we'll put those, you know, under your eyelid and use that to help keep your eyes closed.
	Oh, so you'll go eyes closed.
	Has anybody ever tried to open the person's eyes when they're deceased?
	Not to my knowledge.
	Of course, a lot of times she'll come back and put a thin little bead of glue on there and the lips.
	So, you know, they're also glued.
	You know, that's an extra layer of protection.
	Dang, I respect that.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Extra layer of protection.
	You don't want somebody peeping at the funeral.
	Yeah, you don't want somebody looking out.
	Now, what do you did?
	Now, does anybody ever try to come in and see somebody after they've been dead for a little bit?
	After, you know, anybody come knocking on the door?
	You guys are already running the hoses and everything, and they got somebody saying, I want to see them one more time?
	Sometimes I think what you're talking about is like if somebody shows up before, you know, we're done in bombing and they want to see them, then, yeah, we don't allow them to come into the prep room to see them.
	They'll have to wait till the public visitation or, you know, to we'll.
	Even if it's a buddy or something.
	Yeah, even if it's a buddy.
	Wow.
	You know, because we take that very seriously, you know, the private, the family's privacy.
	So if they've, like if we have private family visitation, it's private family visitation.
	And, you know, you don't get to see them.
	If you're just a buddy, you don't get to see them till that public time.
	I don't care, you know, why you need to see them earlier.
	If the family's not going to give you permission, you'll see them, you know, during the public visitation.
	A friend of mine works in the death trade, and he's up in Oregon, you know, and he said probably about, well, he worked in it about 20 years ago.
	He said somebody died one time in the town he was working in.
	And then while he was out at lunch, they came in and stabbed the guy a couple more times just to make sure he was dead.
	Goodness.
	Pretty wild, huh?
	Yeah, he must have not been well liked.
	Yeah, he must have not been well liked.
	Sounds like your friend should have locked the doors, too.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I think he was kind of, he was smoking weed and stuff like that.
	how do you guys keep jovial when you're working around the dead like that?
	You know, it's just it has to be it has to be in you because you have to be able to separate the fact, you know, that you're doing you're doing what you can for that family because there's no greater honor for somebody to entrust their loved one to you, you know, because you think about, you know, this is their prized possession.
	This is their mother, their spouse, their, you know, their child.
	Oh, yeah.
	And they've entrusted that to you.
	There's no greater honor than that.
	And you do what you can to, you know, treat them with integrity.
	You treat everybody like it's, you know, your family member and the way that you'd want to be treated.
	And so, you know, we are very careful.
	We make sure, you know, there's, we've got, you know, well, for one thing, you're not going to get in our facility unless we open the door for you, you know, because the facility's locked, you know, and during public visitation, we've got a greeter on all the doors and everything else.
	So we know who's coming in and out of the building.
	If it's somebody, you know, before the sneaking backstage.
	Yeah, because the back areas are always locked and everything else.
	And so it's not easy to, you know, just sneak in there and do anything.
	Do you feel like you learn anything more about life or do you feel like have your thoughts and feelings changed over the years working in the death trade?
	I think it's you don't take it for granted because you know that you can be here today and gone tomorrow.
	You know, I could get killed in a car wreck going home.
	And, you know, am I happy?
	Have I had a good life?
	Yes, I've had a good life.
	We'd do good numbers on the episode if you did, though, too.
	That's right.
	Not to say that out loud, but.
	That's right.
	Hey, hey, if it can help you, you know, that'd be all right.
	That'd be all right.
	You know, I went out helping somebody else.
	Amen, man.
	We got a question right here.
	What do we have here, Sean?
	We've got a question from Nick.
	Hey, guys, what's up?
	This is Nick from Wisconsin.
	Got a heavy hitter for you.
	So over the course of your career, how has your attitudes and emotions towards death changed and evolved?
	Anyways, be good.
	Gang, gang.
	Gang, baby.
	Yeah, how have you, how have, do you find yourself getting more emotional as you get older with it?
	Is it hard?
	Because it just becomes also work.
	Like, it's tough when things just become work, you know?
	Right, right.
	You know, it's the hardest part of our job is when we're dealing with children.
	And because, you know, it's unnatural that a parent should have to bury a child.
	And, you know, it's hard on that parent whether the parent's 90 years old and their child's like 60 and dies.
	It's hard.
	It's even harder when somebody's 20 years old and, you know, their seven-day baby dies.
	You know, all that's hard.
	You know, and you still grieve with them.
	But, you know, the thing is at this time, you know, I have to be their rock.
	I have to be the person that, you know, you come to me, I'm going to handle it.
	You know, whatever you need, I'm going to handle it.
	You put the weight of the world on my shoulders.
	That's what I'm here for.
	Is there a moment where, have there been times where you've just broken down?
	It's just been tough?
	I mean, there's got to be times.
	I mean, there's times where it's been tough, you know, and it's, you know, and, you know, you'll just see it, you know, and you just got to, you just got to keep on going.
	What are the toughest times, though?
	You know, I'll never forget one time I had two, you know, I had I just completed my apprenticeship and, you know, I was fresh out of school and I had a friend from high school who had taken his life.
	And I remember I got the call and, you know, that was tough, you know, because my cousin had dated him and everything else.
	And that was hard.
	Then.
	Why do you do it?
	Do you remember?
	No, no.
	Then fast forward later, I have, you know, it's almost exactly a year later, another friend gets killed in a head-on collision.
	And then another, like, right after that, another friend dies with an enlarged heart that nobody knew he had.
	Oh, yeah.
	And so you can see that all those things play an influence on you.
	But, you know, you just have to keep on for the family.
	And, you know, I'll take my time and I'll grieve later.
	But, you know, right now I have to be strong for that family because that's what I'm, you know, that's what I'm here for.
	Has it adjusted your relationship with a higher power with faith?
	Have things changed for you over the time?
	Or, you know, what's that journey been like in dealing with the deceased?
	You know, I've always had a strong faith, but, you know, when you look at the human body and you look at everything that goes into it and how every system of the body works and everything else, you know that that was laid out, you know, that that just didn't happen.
	And the fact that, you know, we don't understand everything, but, you know, there's a God that's there that does and he knows.
	And we, you know, there's times that we think that we would have had a better way, that we would have had a better plan, that it wouldn't have been good for this person to die.
	But we don't know.
	We've just got to wait till we get there and maybe we'll understand it one day at a time or, you know, at the end.
	But, you know, you just got to keep on going.
	You just got to, you know, have trust and faith and go on.
	Does it still feel like a human you're working with?
	Does it feel Like just a carcass, like what is kind of that feeling, you know?
	Because if I'm carrying a human body that's alive, you know, it's a that's one feeling.
	But if I'm carrying just a deceased human body, I'm wondering if that's a different feeling, you know.
	I think that any time that there is a deceased versus alive person, there is that difference, yes.
	But the same thing, at the same time, you know, even though the deceased is not there, you know, as far as what made them there, like the spirit, that body still deserves that respect because that was the shell that either held that body for one day or 99 years or 100 years, you know, so it's still, it's still all there, you know, and it's still.
	Have you seen any kind of going in a different direction here, but is there anything like with COVID deaths, have you seen more deaths or anything like that?
	Not really because, you know, everything, the same number of people are basically still dying.
	It's just that, you know, if they've had anything else, but they've got COVID, they're saying, oh, it's a COVID.
	You know, the person might have had COVID, but they actually died from pneumonia.
	Well, instead of counting that death as attributing it to pneumonia, they're going to say, oh, COVID, you know, or they might have actually died from cancer, but they also had COVID.
	So COVID.
	Yeah, they COVID them up.
	People get COVID no matter everybody.
	Like, yeah.
	Like, oh, they had this, but they also had COVID.
	You know, it's like, can somebody die, can somebody still just die from natural causes or does it all have to be COVID anymore?
	You know, and there's a lot of families right now that are very upset about that.
	And they'll, and sometimes we'll go to a house or whatever, and they'll be like, he didn't die of COVID.
	She didn't have the COVID.
	Make sure that they don't put COVID on the death certificate.
	And it's like, well, you know, the doctor's the one that fills that portion of the death certificate out.
	But we'll make sure to tell them that they didn't have COVID because there's a lot of people who are so tired of hearing about it that they're, you know, that they want to make sure that their loved one isn't a statistic for something that they don't, you know, that they don't necessarily, it's not that they don't believe in it, but they don't want them to just be a COVID statistic.
	Yeah.
	You know, a talking point for somebody that they don't like.
	Now, what about this?
	What's a wild thing somebody wants to have in there when they die?
	Somebody throw in a little can of ruffles or somebody put a little couple star bursts in there or something?
	Okay, you know, it's not uncommon.
	Big thing, a lot of people will take cigarettes with them, you know, because you take somebody who's smoking.
	Oh, yeah, boy.
	You know, they'll put that, you know, cigarettes in that shirt pocket.
	They don't want that smoke, dude.
	If I'm dead, bruh, light me up a damn 100, baby.
	You know what I'm saying?
	I'm burning a fucking Winston, dog.
	If I'm dead, man, I ain't milling around.
	You know, I've had, you know, a lot of people put pictures of themselves.
	And what about a joint?
	Somebody sneak a joint in there sometimes.
	I'm not going to say that that's never happened because, you know, when we're standing back up there and the family goes up for their final viewing, there's no telling what they can stick in there.
	You know, I've had some very interesting stuff.
	You know, I had somebody request to be buried with their shotgun.
	Amen.
	You know, so they took their shotgun with them.
	You know, and so.
	What about, can they, now if somebody requests to be buried with an eight ball, you know, and I'm not talking bowling, I'm talking that cocaine, baby.
	Can you make, can you make, do you have to do that?
	Well, the thing about it is, since that would be an illegal drug, you know, we wouldn't be required to do that.
	But, you know, if somebody, if somebody were to bring that in and, you know, stick it up under the foot of the casket, you know, I'm not, I don't keep a drug-sniffing dog at the funeral home.
	So it might just go on through, you know, it might just go with them.
	It might go with them.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, that's one thing.
	There's no TSA when you're flying up to heaven, man.
	That's right.
	That's right.
	You're not going to be searched.
	Now, what's the wildest thing somebody's put in there?
	Somebody ever put something that's a little too big in there?
	You know, somebody tried to put a little chainsaw or a leaf blower or something if somebody died doing a, you know, during a dangerous, you know, leaf blowing or something, you know?
	No, I don't think they've had any power tools or anything like that.
	You know, sometimes you have like stuffed animals or whatever.
	You know, even for like an older person, they'll bring like stuffed animals.
	They'll bring blankets sometimes.
	And, you know, we've had, you know, like fishing rods, you know, stuff like that that have gone with them.
	But, you know, as far as, you know, I've never put, I don't think, any power tools in there.
	I'd go with a damn sander or something, you know.
	So what are you going to use that sander for?
	Who knows?
	But I'll tell you this.
	If you show up and you the only dude with the sander, you're going to be, you're going to be steady working.
	That's right.
	But we're not supposed to work in the afterlife.
	But I'm sure there's a couple opportunities to make a little bit.
	You always want a side hustle, don't you?
	I want that side hustle.
	Now, do you take those items out or those items go on?
	The family gets, it's the family's choice.
	If the family wants something in there for visitation and then they want that back, we'll take it out.
	But if they want it to go with them, it goes with them.
	Now, you close the casket during the, if it's an open casket, you guys close it during the procession or funeral deal?
	It depends on when the family wants that closed.
	If they want it closed at the beginning of the service, some families like for everybody to file by at the end, one final viewing, and then after that, after the family goes up for their final viewing, then we close the casket.
	So a lot of times that's up to the family.
	And now is it hard for you personally, do you have trouble?
	Is it tough to meet women or something like that if you're working in the death trade?
	I could imagine it might be a little bit of a, or is it kind of a talking point, you know?
	Well, you know, it's one of those things that, you know, that they, that they might be interested in, that they might have a few questions.
	But, you know, it's not, I would not say that it's a chick magnet, you know, that they're flocking towards the Undertaker because you know the thing about it is when that call comes in, I'm going on that call.
	So you know, if I'm on call, you know, I'm going to be leaving at the middle of the night and everything else.
	And a lot of people, you know, they get, you know, they don't like that.
	Yeah, they don't like that you're going to be gone for that.
	They don't like that you've got to work on the weekends at night, holidays, that you miss birthdays and everything else, you know, because it's a big commitment, you know, when you're working in the death care business because it's 24-7.
	Damn.
	I mean, because there's, I probably, since I've been involved in the funeral business, I've probably spent as many holidays at the funeral home as I have at my house.
	Wow.
	So it's 50-50 split, huh?
	That's right.
	You just don't ever know.
	And, you know, that's the last thing that, you know, a girl wants to be on the way to a nice dinner.
	And then, oh, I've got to go to the funeral home.
	And they ever bring a date over there with you to say this.
	No, no.
	No, because then, no, I keep them pretty separate.
	Yeah.
	Is it tough dating in a small town?
	Is it tough dating in a small town?
	You know, it depends, especially when you're in our business because you get to know the families.
	Oh, yeah.
	And, you know, because you're spending three or four days sometimes with the family in that, and you really get to know them.
	And sometimes you become like family to them, and sometimes you're like, whoo, stay away from them, you know.
	Sometimes you learn a little too much.
	Yeah, you learn a little too much.
	And so that makes you want to shy away from, you know, some of them anyway.
	Do families, can somebody get buried with their money if they want to?
	If they want to bring it in, they could get buried with it.
	Have you ever had somebody that that was their request and they put it in there?
	Not all their money.
	You know, I've had people want to get buried, you know, with, you know, granddaddy always kept a, you know, a $2 bill or, you know, he always had change in his pockets, you know, didn't want to go anywhere without a little money.
	You know, I've had that, but I've never had anybody say, we're going to put a million dollars in this casket.
	Yeah.
	Because, you know, then you then you get to the age-old question.
	If you put a million dollars in there, let's say you put a million dollars in there in cash.
	And then if somebody were to take the cash and write you a check for it, you've still got a million dollars.
	So so nobody normally puts cash in there.
	They just.
	Maybe we'll put a check.
	Yeah.
	So I guess if you wanted, I guess if you wanted to go with a million dollars, we could write you a check for a million dollars because you wouldn't be able to cash it.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I'd rather send the check.
	Yeah.
	Just in case later you decide, dang, I wish I had that cash.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, but nobody ever puts a million dollars or anything in there.
	Damn.
	So have you noticed over time that people bury, used to bury nice things with people and now they just kind of bury whatever with them?
	You think, has there been any, been able to notice anything like that?
	You know, most of the time, people, if it's something of real value, they keep it and they pass it down in the family or whatever, you know, especially jewelry and stuff like that.
	And of course, now with, you know, there's so much stuff that, you know, people are using like costume jewelry and stuff like that that people are wearing rather than buying, you know, real expensive jewelry that they're doing, that they're doing that.
	And especially for especially for your older people, because as they get sometimes dementia and stuff like that, the family's already taking their good jewelry away from them so they don't lose it because they don't want them to keep the good jewelry in the nursing home or stuff like that and you know because they'll you know they'll lose it or somebody will steal it or whatever now i have had families bring in really nice
	jewelry for the visitation and the funeral and then they want that back and so have you ever stolen anything from anybody no sir no sir that that'd be bad for business yeah it'd be bad for business man i didn't think you had but i just had to ask you um we got any other questions that came in that are unique yeah we uh ross has another question about caskets i'm out here in new york just a quick question for the mortician open casket or closed casket me personally that open casket if it was me
	i'd feel a little disrespected i'm not gonna lie you know but no that's it gang gang bro how you go man how do you suggest you know you got the you know you've been around the way you're really the rex ryan of death right here so what do you say it depends upon how they look i think that the family should have an should be able to have an open casket if the person resembles himself but you know if they've been in very bad trauma if they've been you know in
	a situation where you know they like a cliff fall or something yeah car wrecks you know something like that but you know if they look like themselves i think the family fire face fire yeah face fire you know um bush hog you know something oh i used to drive a bush hog man accidentally killed a deer man that was just sleeping one time yeah felt horrible about that still feel bad about it but uh so you're saying if they look decent enough you'd go open casket uh-huh
	you gonna go oc you think i think so dang you heard it that's right that's that's my plan i want everybody to see me one more time yeah now some people the it started their faces get fat i noticed that the last funeral i went to people's face get fat when they lay them down like that well some of it could be that they are that they swelled them during the embalming process or if they were in the hospital for a for a long time that could be part of it or
	sometimes if you've got somebody who kind of has jowls and you know well when they lay back those fall back and so it doesn't make them look like themselves because that should be that should be up here whereas it's laying back how hard is that body when it's laying in the casket is it pretty hard it depends upon how how hard you set it up and what i mean by that is this embalming fluid the more you put in the more it's gonna harden somebody up.
	So you can set them up like really, really hard, but the problem with that is it's going to dehydrate them a lot.
	So basically, you can do that, but they're going to turn more to leather and they're not going to feel like a human body.
	And they're going to dehydrate.
	And so it's going to require a lot more cosmetics and stuff and make them look unnatural.
	Damn.
	Is there any perfect way to do it, man?
	I can't believe there's only embalming and creaming or cremational.
	But I think I'd love to be damn wrapped in bacon or something.
	You know, I'd love to be this, you know, I'd love to be, what's the one where they cut you open and put cheese in you, you know?
	Stuffed crust.
	Poured on blue.
	Or I'd go stuffed crust, son.
	Stuffed crust would be great.
	And so now they do have, sometimes we do what's called like a green burial.
	And that's where somebody is still buried, but they're not embalmed.
	And so they don't want to be embalmed, and they just want to be more natural.
	And sometimes they'll be, you know, just like in a wood casket and buried in a cemetery without a vault and everything else because they want to go back to the earth as quickly as possible.
	And is that growing in popularity?
	In some areas it is.
	But, you know, the Jews don't embalm.
	An Orthodox Jew does not embalm.
	Wow.
	That's one of the things you learn when you're in mortuary school is different religions and kind of how their preference is.
	And I'm not for sure if you know this, but I went to mortuary school here in Nashville.
	There is a mortuary college in Nashville.
	It's called John A. Gupton College, and it's over on Church Street.
	And one of the things that they do is your last semester of mortuary school, they assign you to work one day a week at a funeral home as part of your schooling.
	So they've got certain funeral homes that they'll assign you at.
	And I worked at one here in Nashville, and it was the Jewish funeral home.
	Wow.
	There's not for the Jews.
	And they're real strict about it.
	And so basically.
	Why?
	It's just kind of in their doctrine?
	Yes.
	And they have the guild that comes and washes the body and wraps the body and prepares the body.
	It's a sect from the church.
	And then we would put the body in what's called an Aaron.
	And what that is, is that's a Jewish casket that's entirely made of wood.
	Wow.
	And then we would take it to the cemetery and bury it.
	How quickly?
	Pretty quick?
	Pretty quick.
	Normally, if they died, normally if they died today, it would be by sundown the next day.
	How fast can you get me in the ground if I die?
	You guys do any like eight-hour packages or anything like that?
	We can get you in the ground pretty quick, depending upon the cemetery.
	Amen.
	So, you know, used to.
	And how deep can you get me?
	Can I go 12 feet or it's only six?
	No, you can go deeper.
	Cost more?
	No, as long as the ground's good.
	You know, because sometimes you've gotten cemeteries and you get down so far and it's solid rock.
	You know, you hit that bedrock and everything else.
	But like, for instance, there's cemeteries such as a lot of veteran cemeteries.
	They do what's called double depth.
	And so like if you've got a husband and wife, they'll put the first one that dies, they'll put them down, you know, probably 10 to 12 feet.
	And then when the second one dies, they'll dig down part of the way and then they'll put them there.
	And so they're double depth.
	Now, different states have different requirements, and most people, you know, have that ingrained in their head that, oh, I'm six feet deep.
	Well, in the state of Kentucky, the law says that if you're in a burial vault, there only has to be 18 inches of dirt on top of you.
	Now, most of the time, there is more than that, but that's the minimum legal requirement.
	So you could go shallow here over in Kentucky.
	You'd go 18 inches.
	Damn.
	Anybody do it still sometimes?
	I mean, most of the times not, but you know, and what it is, it's used to when graves were dug by hand, they used to be sometimes more shallow than they are now when they're dug by machine.
	You know, I'll tell you, when I was growing up, they had a man in our neighborhood who he died, and they buried him in the backyard.
	They buried him in their backyard, and they invited me and this one kid over there to the service, and we didn't know what a service was.
	We never seen it or anything, you know.
	And they said, you want to come to a service?
	And we thought maybe it was like tennis or something, you know.
	But we got back there.
	Next thing you know, we're all sitting in these folding chairs, and they're burying this dude, this old dude, Mr. Polito.
	And they just put him in the ground, man.
	And they said, anybody want to say anything?
	And my friend Summerall dude, this young fella, he said grace, like you would say over dinner.
	You know, he didn't know what to say.
	So his little wild ass said, God is great.
	God is good.
	God, we thank you for this food.
	And I just remember standing there just being like, what in the hell's going on?
	Do some families still just bury their own?
	They have to be buried.
	You can't be just buried on your property unless there's a cemetery there.
	Now, how do you get it legally cemeterized?
	Well, if it's just a family cemetery, the biggest difference is whether or not you're going to be selling plots.
	If you sell plots to other individuals, that's a whole lot more red tape than if it's just going to be a family cemetery.
	But you have to have so much area set aside for the cemetery.
	It has to be reflected in the deed.
	You have to have permanent egress to it.
	And so there's a little bit of work that has to be done, and it has to be fenced.
	And so there's some stuff that has to be done legally to make those requirements.
	But if you meet those requirements, you're good.
	And do you guys, do you get involved at all if it's a family cemetery?
	Yes, we will still be doing the embalming and take them out there and make sure everything's done legally.
	So you can't just go straight from the kitchen table, somebody chokes to death, and just hole them up in the backyard.
	There's no way to do that route.
	Yeah, you can't do that because there's got to be a couple steps in between there.
	You guys ever run a coupon deal or anything like in the summer or something like that?
	No, we don't ever run that blue light special or buy one, get one free or whatever.
	Nothing like that.
	No.
	It would just taint the industry, huh?
	That's right.
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	And now back to the episode.
	Any more questions that came in, brother?
	We got a few.
	This is from Cole.
	Hey, Theo.
	Mortician.
	Just got back from a run.
	Got that Zen pack in up top.
	So, Mr. or Mrs. Mortician, I was wondering if you've ever uncovered anything inside or like on someone's body, maybe that hadn't been picked up yet.
	And it's like something kind of like Silence of the Lambs, but maybe not as morbid.
	Well, I guess.
	And how did you get into morticianry?
	Thank you.
	I don't know what he means by that first part.
	You ever uncovered something on somebody?
	Is it called a morgue?
	Well, where we take it would be back to the preparation room.
	Okay, you ever get somebody back there and you find something in their pocket?
	You know, you find a couple pills or you find a little, you know, something like that, a snack, a butterscotch, anything like that?
	Yeah, no, I've never really taken, you know, getten anything, body back there, and then just say, oh, well, here's a handful of pills that was missed or, you know, something like that.
	And because normally they've had, the coroner's office or whoever has checked the body has been pretty thorough to make sure that everything is, you know, that they kind of do an inventory and that nothing's missed.
	Okay.
	Because they, you know, they kind of have to do those steps before they let us take responsibility for the body.
	Now, what about with, is there one body type ethnicity that keeps a little bit better than others?
	I wouldn't say so.
	You know, it's all the same as far as the body and everything else.
	Now, sometimes dehydration and stuff, if on a pale person, when they start dehydrating and they start getting a little bit darker, it shows up worse on a pale person than it does somebody who's darker skinned.
	And what's the final lacquer you can put on somebody?
	How much is it to get a dang, just a nice, you know, I'm talking two coats of just a matte finish, you know, something, you know, not Sherwin Williams, but something nice, you know, Duloth or whatever it's called.
	Well, you know, we've got different cosmetics and believe it or not, you know, most of the time you can, you know, you'll just put a light, very light coat.
	But then we have, sometimes you have to mask somebody.
	And when I say mask somebody, that's when you're putting a lot of cosmetics On them because something went wrong.
	What do you mean something went wrong?
	Like they died by some ants or something?
	You know, if they died and they, you know, and they, for instance, let's say somebody died and they were face down and nobody found them for a while.
	Well, what happens is in the body, the blood will settle to the lowest point.
	You know, the blood starts settling.
	So if so if you die then it's gonna then a lot of the blood's gonna run to the face.
	Well, what happens is as that blood runs to the face, if it starts in these capillaries on your face, if those start getting so much blood in there that they can't handle the pressure, they'll pop.
	And once that happens, that blood runs out into this tissue.
	And that creates a condition that we call post-mortem stain.
	And if it's post-mortem stain, you can't really get that out.
	Damn, bro.
	And all you can do is cover it.
	That post-mortem stain, baby.
	I don't want that.
	So if I die, what's the best way for me to die then?
	The best way for you to die would probably be in your sleep.
	Okay.
	But with somebody checking on you so that they don't let you just lay there for hours after you die.
	So after I'm dead, should someone just roll me over like every 30 minutes or something?
	Like, what's the best way to die?
	No, they should call me.
	Okay.
	After you die, that's what you should do.
	You call Frank Giles.
	That's it.
	You call Frank Giles.
	That's right.
	That canary, baby, he'll get over there and help you to the afterlife.
	But what's the best way for somebody to take care of the body?
	Should you rotate it every 30 minutes or what should you do?
	No, just leave it there.
	Front down or back down?
	Oh, back down, head slightly elevated.
	Okay.
	So put a book under the head, maybe?
	Or a pillow.
	Okay.
	A pillow is always nice.
	Yep.
	Another thing that I want to tell you about that is, are you familiar with jaundice?
	Oh, yeah.
	My sister had a jaundice growing up.
	Okay.
	Well, jaundice will react with formaldehyde.
	So we've got a spe there's a special fluid that you use for a jaundice body.
	And if you don't use the correct fluid, like if you had jaundice really bad and I just poured this chromatec pink to you, well, the formaldehyde in it will react with the bilirubin in the jaundice and it will cause the body to turn green.
	Just smurf out almost, huh?
	Like shrek.
	You be shreked out like green.
	And have you ever, has that ever accidentally happened?
	Well, I've had it happen where like somebody died in another state and they sent them into me.
	And I got this lady one time and by the time she got to me, she was green.
	And so then what we had to do was we had to, all we could do is cosmetize over it.
	Oh, yeah.
	Because you can't go back in and reverse that.
	And so.
	So they might be green underneath, huh?
	Wow.
	Could I take a sip of that?
	You think it would make, would it hurt me?
	Oh, yeah, it hurt you.
	Yeah, it's, you know, they've got, they've got all kinds of warning labels on there.
	Poison, you know, do not drink.
	And it's also a known carcinogen.
	So, yeah, so they, you know, they tell you that, you know, it's going to cause cancer if you get, if you're exposed to it too much.
	And I still work with it every day.
	Wow.
	You know, that's the risk I take.
	Yeah.
	Dang.
	You're helping people with cancer.
	You might get it.
	Uh-huh.
	Damn.
	But, you know, that's what I do what I do, you know, because I'm helping the family.
	Yeah.
	Now, can you eat near the bodies or not?
	It's frowned upon.
	You know, people, you know, people don't, you know, now you're talking about when the preparation's going on.
	Yeah, that's frowned upon.
	Now, if you're saying if somebody's, let's say you're having visitation and the widow's standing up there, you know, in the receiving line and she's eating a cracker or a sandwich or whatever, you know, that's her call.
	Yeah.
	You know.
	Well, what about you while you're fixing the bodies up, you know, and you guys are there finishing off a Ruben or something?
	You ever had?
	Yeah, no, that's frowned upon.
	You know, they, they, OSHA doesn't like for you to eat or drink in the prep room.
	Damn.
	And sometimes I'd want to have a beer or something by a body.
	You know, so that's, yeah, that'd be frowned upon.
	Have you had to bury any of your own family?
	Yes.
	When I was working there, one of my grandmothers died.
	And so we handled that.
	I've had some great aunts and stuff like that that have gone through the funeral home since I've had it.
	But both of my parents are still living.
	And all my other grandparents were already dead before I got into the funeral business.
	But I've had lots of cousins and people that I've known who've come through the funeral home.
	Do people look at you weird because you work in the death trade?
	Most of them have gotten used to it.
	Now, when I was in high school, the principal, he and I got along pretty good.
	And he used to always pick on me about it.
	He'd be like, Giles, I don't know what you're doing.
	Sometimes he'd just look at me and be like, you're sick.
	You're sick and twisted.
	Is he dead or not?
	No, he's still living.
	He'll die.
	I saw him at the funeral home probably about a month ago.
	He said, well, I see you're still here.
	Got your name on the sign.
	Say it'll be you soon.
	Now, what about our body?
	Now, what about our colon and feces and stuff like that?
	What happens to that part of us?
	That's one of the things that we suck out with that trope car.
	We'll suck that crap out of you.
	Dang.
	And how long does it take?
	Just depends, kind of?
	Yeah, it depends upon what all is in the body and everything else.
	And, you know, because some conditions put more fluid on the body and everything.
	Like if there's somebody that's very edematous and they've got a lot of extra fluid, we put extra fluids in them to kind of get that fluid out and to try to Draw that fluid off the body.
	Man.
	And so all that just goes down the drain.
	And then what do you put in the colon?
	What do y'all fill it up with?
	We have a different chemical that is very similar to this.
	It looks the same, just different color, but it's designed to go back in there and to treat those cavities.
	Wow.
	What color is it?
	It is kind of a greenish blue.
	Okay.
	And do you sew up the butt, the sphincter?
	Do y'all sew that closed?
	No, no.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	Y'all just leave it open?
	Well, I mean, normally you leave it natural.
	Dang.
	And that thing stays natural?
	Most of the time, yes.
	Wow.
	Now, what if it gets a little unnatural?
	You got a little clip or something, a barrett or something you put on there?
	It's more of what would be more like a plug.
	a spackle or something.
	So, or you can always, What do you do beyond that?
	No, it's more like a cork.
	More like a plug.
	Wow.
	Now, of course, if you go old school, old school would be you would stuff it full of cotton because.
	Put cotton in somebody's booty like at Bilde Bear?
	Yeah, I guess if you want to call it that.
	But there used to, sometimes people used to refer to morticians as cotton stuffers because we used a lot of cotton, you know, to build up different things.
	And, you know, and so they used to have to put a lot of cotton in there, especially when the fluids and the procedures weren't, you know, as great that they used to put cotton, you know, in basically every orifice that you could leak from.
	They'd stuff it full of cotton.
	Oh, my thick ass.
	I'd take, yeah, I'd take half a rabbit, probably, man.
	I'd need a decent amount.
	Any other good questions we got here?
	Let's get to one more and then we'll just thank you for coming, Brian.
	Wow.
	What's up, you death daddies?
	Got a question out there.
	First of all, gang gang.
	Gang, baby.
	I was wondering, my granny, she used to be a beautician, but she used to, you know, nighttime as that mortician.
	Okay, moonlighting with the deceased.
	And she'd go in there and she would do the makeup for the deads, you know, them deceased.
	And I was just wondering, because she had some wild stories, have you, working in there at nighttime by yourself, deep in those depths of hell, have you ever experienced anything a little nutty?
	A little odd?
	You know?
	Anyway, gang, gang, death, death, baby.
	Death, death, dog.
	Now, yeah, because a lot of people probably see you as like a hell boy almost in a way.
	And so have you ever seen like any, you ever had any spiritual experiences when you're in there?
	Like, have you ever, does it get a little haunty?
	I would imagine it gets kind of haunty, huh?
	No, you know, it's one of those things that, you know, you're just there and it's not necessarily like I don't ever feel like, you know, there's ghosts or anything there, you know, and I've never had any, you know, quite crazy or wild experiences with any of the bodies or anything like that.
	I've never, you know, felt like there was somebody else there or anything like that.
	You know, some sometimes people will ask me questions similar to that, but yeah, no, I've never experienced anything like he's talking about.
	Wow.
	So in the end of it all, you're saying you go open casket.
	That's the way to go, huh?
	That's the way that I want to go.
	But, you know, that's my choice.
	And, you know, at the end, it's a personal choice.
	And what's right for me might not be right for you.
	You know, you might want to be burned.
	That's fine.
	That's your choice.
	My choice is I want to be open casket because I want to have one more good suit on so everybody can see it and everything else.
	But that's the way that I want to go.
	I want to be Dan Creme Brulee, I feel like, or honey mustard.
	I want something.
	I'm ready for that next level.
	Is there something new on the horizon of burial that's starting to kind of peek its head about?
	Anything you're hearing?
	Well, in some states, they have this, it's kind of like what they call a flameless cremation, but it's very similar to.
	No, it's more like how you see those old movies where the mob would put you in a 55-gallon drum full of chemicals and then you disintegrate.
	It's more like that.
	But that's not recognized as in some states.
	That flameless cremation.
	Yeah, it's not recognized in Kentucky yet.
	But I know a guy who's got that business in Missouri, and he does it for other funeral homes or whatever, because most of them haven't made that investment because it hadn't caught on yet.
	You know, some people are thinking that, you know, freezing people is going to be the next thing.
	But, you know, you just don't ever know until that next thing gets here.
	How has the business been?
	Is it still a good business to be in?
	It's still a good business to be in.
	Now, the business has changed a lot from what it used to be.
	What most people don't realize is that there's funeral homes that are considered to be locally owned and operated.
	Like I've got a business partner, and he and I own the funeral homes.
	And then there's also corporate funeral homes.
	And those are funeral homes that are owned by your major corporations.
	And I mean, they're traded on NASDAQ.
	No way.
	I mean, you know, the stock exchange.
	Yeah.
	So, you know, there's companies that own funeral homes all across the country.
	And, you know, they just buy and sell funeral homes.
	And that's what they do.
	And is that a little bit, does that get a little less personal care, you feel like, when you get involved with those big dogs?
	I feel like some of those big, big ones, they're not necessarily in it for the family.
	They're in it for the money.
	And they're just trying to cut corners so they can make more profit.
	You know, I've born and raised where I work.
	And I see those people every day.
	And I work with those are my friends.
	And I'm not going to take advantage of them.
	And I'm going to treat them with the utmost respect that they deserve.
	And I'm going to do everything I can to make sure that they get a proper burial or cremation if that's what they choose.
	And I want it to be the best that it can for them.
	Whereas you've got somebody who doesn't know these folks taking care of them, they might not try as hard.
	That's not as important to them, you know, because the person that lived down the road from me all my life, they're important to me.
	They're not important to whoever owns, you know, some stockholder in California or Texas, you know, Deaths R Us or someplace.
	Exactly.
	Exactly.
	And so, you know, but that's the thing, you know, you always know who you're dealing business with.
	Yeah.
	And, you know.
	There is something nice about that knowing when you die, who's going to handle you.
	Exactly.
	Because, you know, sometimes I have families that, you know, they'll call me on my cell phone.
	They won't even call the funeral home number.
	They'll say, you know, mom died.
	We need you to come.
	And so here I come.
	Yeah, it is something nice about knowing the person that's coming in.
	Exactly.
	Somebody doesn't have to come in with a name tag on or, you know, they don't even know.
	Yeah, somebody don't know you.
	Right.
	Somebody that comes up to the door.
	I don't want somebody pulling up and honking, you know, like it's a, you know, like I'm going to carry them out there.
	Like the other day, I went to a, you know, a house and I did not know the deceased, but I was standing there talking to the deceased wife.
	And then the son came around the corner because he'd been back in one of the bedrooms getting something for his mother.
	And then he came out of the back bedroom and I knew him, you know, went to high school with him.
	So, you know, so that made her feel better knowing that, oh, he knows my son.
	He's for sure going to take better care of my husband and everything else.
	Wow.
	And, you know, that's what we try to do.
	Is there something killing people that you've noticed more over time?
	Like, you know, you always hear about drug deaths and this and that.
	Are there things that are growing that you're noticing here at the end of the line?
	Well, you know, before, you know, before COVID, you know, they were talking about, you know, the drugs and the narcotics.
	Yeah, OxyContin and all that kind of stuff.
	Are you noticing it?
	We were not having that big of an issue there in Hopkinsville where they were in some of the other cities where, you know, and I think it just, you know, sometimes it takes a little bit longer to work its way through.
	And so drug overdoses were a big thing, especially in some of the bigger cities.
	It seems to have tapered off in the moment or you're just not hearing about it.
	But, you know, that does happen.
	And sometimes, you know, if there's one drug overdose, you're going to get some more, you know, especially if you're...
	Yeah, if a bad batch comes through, you know, you could see several.
	Oh, yeah.
	And, you know, and that's just, that's the thing about drugs that people get so dependent upon them that, you know, you can have a bad batch come through and lose five or six people.
	Oh, fuck.
	We had some LSD come through one time and people couldn't even tie their shoes for a damn month, you know?
	Yeah.
	Somehow, you just don't know what these drugs are going to do to you.
	You don't.
	And some of these cancer drugs and these drugs that they're putting people on to save, you know, to try to prolong their life are actually having reactions with like the formaldehyde and stuff like that.
	And so, you know, you're getting sometimes a graying effect or you're getting different effects on the body based on the chemicals that they're putting in them to try to save them.
	And so you don't know that until you really put it in, huh?
	Exactly.
	Dang.
	And so that's one of the things that you're trying to counteract as to what, you know, what drugs that they've been on and everything else.
	Somebody comes out with that damn Turkish gold tent or something.
	That's why you've got some of these accessory chemicals that are supposed to help balance out the pH and everything else that's in these fluids.
	It's like treating a pool almost, huh?
	Exactly.
	Exactly.
	Because, you know, part of that that goes in there is water.
	So you've got to make sure that the water is good and everything else.
	You ever fill somebody a little too much and you're like, oh, damn, we put a little too much in them?
	Not really because as you're putting that in, it's still pushing it out.
	So, you know, you're getting it right back out.
	I see.
	And so once it stops coming out, that's when you know to stop filling?
	Well, no, you know by what's coming out.
	Because you can tell when you're draining the blood, you know, okay, this is blood.
	Now this is, right now I'm getting a lot of fluid back.
	And so you've.
	Oh, okay.
	You've run its course.
	Yeah, so you can kind of tell that.
	Man.
	I think that might be about it.
	Sean, you know anything else?
	Anything we missed?
	Literally, huh?
	Who has the best funeral music?
	Is it really like at, I would feel like at black funerals, you'd have better music.
	Do you just have it?
	Well, it just depends.
	I've been to black churches.
	Growing up, I go to black churches, man, and dude, you feel like you're sitting on the Lord's lap, you know, at a black church.
	Right, right.
	And, you know, that's one of the things about it is here in the South, you know, just like church, you know, and this is not a racial thing, but just like how church is pretty well segregated here in the South, so are funeral homes.
	Most of the time, you know, for instance, the city that I'm in, we have primarily white funeral homes and primarily black funeral homes.
	That doesn't mean that I won't marry a black person or they won't bury a white person.
	People really stick to their culture more than their culture, their upbringing, and it's who they know.
	You know, they've known him all their life, and the others have known me all their life, and it's just like how they choose to go to church.
	You know, the church is predominantly white or black.
	You know, that's kind of how they stick to with the funerals because that's your funerals and your funerals and your church services, a lot of them go hand in hand.
	They cross over.
	You know, one of the things that people don't think about with our job is all the coordination that goes involved, that's involved, you know, throughout the lines when somebody dies or whatever.
	One service that I'll Talk to you about for a minute.
	The gentleman was KIA, and that's military terminology for killed in action.
	Amen.
	But he was killed in action in World War II.
	So he dies in World War II in the Battle of Bataille.
	He is buried over there in a cemetery that they basically buried all the troops that got killed right there.
	He's buried there.
	Oh, yeah, but they style.
	They put a bunch of them in one spot.
	You know, they would just dig graves.
	And they had this protocol that they did.
	And they had government-issued raincoats.
	And they'd wrap the body up in the raincoat and they'd bury it.
	And then they'd move on to their next battle or whatever.
	Well, there's organizations out there that are going through and trying to find all these soldiers and bring them back to their homes.
	Wow.
	So, sure enough, I get a call from a family and they have been in touch with one of these organizations and they have found the remains of a guy from our town at Bataille.
	So what they did was they disinterred his body and flew it to Hawaii.
	And in Hawaii, they matched the DNA for him to one of his nieces.
	They matched that DNA to confirm that it was him.
	And then we started making the arrangements to get him back here.
	So, of course, they booked the flight and they said, okay, he's going to arrive in Nashville at such and such day, at such and such time.
	So you guys show up at the airport?
	So we show up at the airport with the family and everything else, meet with the airport police at Nashville.
	And what do they come through?
	Baggage come as a large item like the golf bag?
	Well, they travel underneath.
	They travel underneath on the plane.
	But when I was dealing with the airline, the airline's like, now what's going to happen is we're going to go out there and we're going to bring his body here and you can, you know, the family can receive the body at the baggage claim.
	Or actually, it's kind of like air cargo.
	Oh, yeah.
	And then the head of the airport police, he showed up and I started talking to him.
	He said, these are the cargo people.
	He said, I'm in charge.
	He said, you want to go out to meet the plane?
	I said, yeah, I want to go out to meet the plane.
	He said, well, put everybody in your vehicles and we'll go out and meet the plane.
	And so they brought airport vans and everything else.
	And we drove the hearse and everything out to the tarmac.
	They brought the, you know, because we had, we had, this was pre-COVID.
	So we had a full detail of Army men there and they received the casket, you know, right off the plane, carried him to the hearse.
	And it was, you know, it was a big deal, you know, real emotional.
	They had everybody in the area, like in the terminal, come to the glass windows, and they all watched it, and they were all holding flags and everything else as they brought the body to the hearse.
	And then after that, then we brought him all the way back from out of the tarmac back to Hopkinsville.
	And how big was he?
	Well, they had him in a full-size casket.
	Oh, damn.
	Because what they did was they chronicled.
	They chronicled everything that they had.
	And do you believe it was really him or not?
	I do.
	They had it down to, they had every one of his bones except for one.
	They had it all laid out.
	They had all the DNA.
	They had everything about him they had in this book that they gave to the families and everything else.
	So we're coming back.
	You know, we've got police escorts all the way from Nashville all the way, you know, to the Kentucky state line.
	And that's when the Tennessee people broke off.
	And then when we got to Christian County, the Sheriff's Department was there waiting on us.
	And I bet you they had about eight units there.
	And then when we got to the city of Hopkinsville, the city was there, and the community came out big for it.
	And the fire truck, you know, they took the big boom ladder and everything else.
	And they had huge American flag draped that we drove under and everything else.
	And we took him out to the local cemetery that his parents were buried at.
	All his brothers were buried there.
	And we buried him there.
	I mean, we even had the PGR there.
	And, you know, the PGR is another group that we work with occasionally.
	And what they are is they're called, they're the Patriot Guard Riders.
	And they're motorcycle guys.
	And most of them are veterans and everything else.
	But they really got a lot of notoriety back when there was that group from Kansas that was going around protesting military funerals.
	You could call the PGR.
	And they'd show up.
	And they would show up.
	And so what they would do is they would ride their motorcycles, you know, with the funeral.
	And when, like, if you were coming up to the cemetery or whatever, and there was the protesters, they'd stop right there in the protesters in front of the protesters and rev those motorcycles up.
	You drive right on by and you never could hear the protesters.
	Wow.
	And so.
	That's really magical.
	People come out to support veterans, you know?
	Yeah.
	It means a lot to people, especially to those families, especially getting to be back with your family, I think.
	You know, just have your rest in place back with your family.
	There's something beautiful about that.
	If you're cleaning out somebody's colon, what if you don't get everything?
	Is there a time, lady, where you're like, oh, I got to run this thing back again?
	Sometimes, you know, if you were not to get everything, you know, you would see some distending, distension in the abdomen, and then you would go back and you would do it.
	And, you know, you can reach out.
	Wash me twice, yeah.
	Sam.
	Now, what most people...
	Put a damn piece of spearmint in my ass, man.
	You know, I just want to be fresh when I'm laying there.
	What some people don't think about is when somebody drowns, they sink to the bottom.
	But as they start to decompose and those gases break up in that cavity, that's what causes them to float.
	And so sometimes, especially back home around the lake, you know, what will happen is somebody will drown.
	And, you know, so they might not find them for a day or two.
	And then, you know, whenever they start floating up, you don't ever know what time that's going to be.
	And sometimes what will happen is they'll float up and they'll get caught up in a barge that's either going either upriver or downriver.
	They're wet hitchhiking.
	And they won't notice it until daybreak.
	And then they'll have to stop the barge.
	And then they've got a lot of red tape and everything else.
	And, you know, they find this person who's from Kentucky up in Illinois or down on the state lines.
	Yeah.
	Well, exactly.
	Now, what about this?
	You got that last gas in you.
	Your body builds that last gas.
	Do you have to let that out?
	Normally you can because when we use that trocar and you ever get that hit of gas?
	You ever hit that gas pocket?
	You can hit a gas pocket and it will shrink up or whatever.
	But sometimes after you've used that trocar and there's a button that we use that's kind of like a screw-in button that we put on the person.
	And if they get distension, sometimes you can just take that button off and it'll release that pressure and release that gas.
	And that's like a last fart almost that's in them?
	I guess you could call it that.
	And does it smell pretty bad?
	A lot of times it would, yes.
	Wow.
	I want that.
	Definitely.
	I'm doing one.
	You got to go out with a last blast, I think.
	Man.
	I can't tell if I'm more excited about dying or not after talking to you, honestly, Frank.
	Well, you know, as long as you've had a good run on Earth, you know, there's always a time to check out.
	Don't get in a hurry.
	You only pass this way once.
	That's it, huh?
	That's right.
	Do you feel like people will talk to you about death a lot?
	Oh, yeah.
	I always got questions.
	Do you feel like do you ever have somebody wants to get dressed up in something real wild, like a nightgown, or somebody wants to be, you know, dress their little cousin up like Superman or something?
	Well, you know, therefore, it kind of goes in phases.
	Like, you'll have phases where, you know, people will want to be buried in like pajamas and stuff like that.
	And then sometimes, you know, you'll have, we have, because we're in Kentucky, we have a lot of people that like to be buried in, you know, like UK jersey, not necessarily jerseys, but it might be a UK fleece or polo.
	Okay, so state sports pride.
	Yes, rocking sports pride all the way to the grave.
	Damn.
	That's wild, man.
	What will you wear, you think?
	Oh, I'll definitely wear a suit.
	Probably a blue one.
	Blue looks good.
	I like blue suits.
	It'll probably either be blue or black, but it won't be plain.
	It'll have some type of stripe or weave in it, you know.
	Okay.
	Bright tie, probably, you know, maybe a red or, you know, a yellow, something like that.
	Something kind of flashy, you know, as far as a tie.
	So go flashy is kind of the way to go, you think, a little bit?
	So, you know, when I dress, I will dress a little less conservative than some funeral professionals, but, you know, because it's, you know, I'm in a suit every day of my life, you know, just about every day I wake up and I put a suit on.
	And so and so, you know, I like to, I don't like to just stick with, you know, a solid brown, a solid blue, a solid black, and a solid gray.
	You know, I've got on a gray pinstripe today with the, you know, a pink tie, you know, and everything else.
	I'll dye in your damn arms right now.
	You look like I'm ready, you know, you're ready to come up.
	Thank you.
	But, you know, that's, you know, that's me.
	You know, I've got a couple of suits that some people say are a little bright, but, you know, that's my personality.
	I like to be, you know, I'm here when you need me and I'm here for the seriousness of it.
	But, you know, at the same time, you know, it doesn't have to be all drab.
	Have you ever had somebody die they want to be dressed up like Superman or somebody dressed up like a damn, you know, like a wear like a, you know, dressed up like He-Man or, you know, a Miss Butterworth or anything like that?
	Somebody wants a particular type of costume?
	Not so much as a costume.
	Like we've had people who have worn like a Superman shirt or, you know, something like that.
	But, you know, not a real costume leotards and all that.
	No capes, you know.
	Yeah.
	What will my penis and stuff look like when I die?
	Does it look the same or does it start to look a little different?
	No, it'll look pretty much the same.
	Nice.
	And what about like what happens to fake breasts?
	Do y'all puncture them and suck them out or leave them?
	No, you leave them.
	They paid good money for those.
	Hell yeah, boy.
	You know what I'm saying, boy?
	Call me up, son.
	I'll come over there and I'll put some makeup on those mounds, baby.
	Wow.
	And do you have to color the nipples at all with like a powder or a dust?
	No, because normally those are covered up.
	And what about the balls?
	Do you have to suck the stuff out of those?
	No.
	Wow.
	Interesting, man.
	Well, man, I think I'm just dang.
	I guess I just know everything I know now.
	Do your eyes stay the same Color they were?
	Yes.
	That's cool.
	But of course, they're closed, so nobody really sees them.
	Yeah.
	What bone was that guy missing, the guy that came back from?
	I'm not for sure.
	I don't remember now, but they had a picture in the book that they gave all the family members that had the entire skeleton laid out.
	Wow.
	And so.
	What if somebody lost their legs?
	Do you bury them in that full-size casket or will you go a little shorter on that casket?
	you'll still use that full size because it's like everything else.
	If you tried to go smaller, you're going to be, Whereas, you know, like if somebody is really big, they have to get a bigger casket.
	And there's a company out there, or used to be a company out there called Goliath Casket Company.
	Wow.
	And that was their niche market, was they made oversized caskets.
	And their two most popular models were 48 inches wide and 60 inches wide.
	So that's four and five feet wide on the interior.
	That's a damn queen bed.
	I mean, they were big caskets, but when you needed them, you needed them.
	Can two people legally be buried in one casket?
	Technically, I guess you could.
	Depending on most states, but most of the time, they don't go together.
	Have you ever buried two in one?
	I have never buried two people in the same casket.
	Well, let me rephrase that.
	I have never buried two full bodies in the same casket.
	I have buried people.
	Like, sometimes one of them wants to be cremated and the other one wants to be buried.
	And if the one that's cremated dies first, I have put their cremains in the casket with the other one when the other one dies.
	I've done that, but I've not put two full bodies in the same casket.
	Could you handle it?
	Could I handle it?
	As far as you'd have to have a wider casket.
	But I mean, I guess I could do it if I had to.
	Hell yeah.
	But, you know, we've had I've had double funerals, but they've all been in separate caskets.
	And is it cheaper to go two in one casket?
	No.
	Because I'll cut corners, man.
	Because what happens is it becomes more expensive because when you're getting into that bigger size.
	Because a bigger size casket is more expensive when you're getting wider.
	And then also there are not as many out there as there are standard size caskets.
	And you can't just lay somebody right on top of somebody else.
	That'd be tacky, I guess.
	Yeah, that'd be tacky.
	What about what's the smallest casket you've ever done?
	It would be like an 18-inch.
	Damn.
	Yeah.
	Like a damn baby Snicker almost.
	For like a stillborn baby.
	Oh.
	That's heartbreaking, man.
	Oh, life is wild, huh?
	Yeah.
	One time we had this situation where a lady had had a baby who had died, and the baby had already been dead for 24 hours and was just sitting there with the mother in the hospital room because the mother was still in the hospital.
	And I remember I met with the baby's daddy about the funeral arrangements before they even released the body because the mother wasn't letting the baby go.
	Wow.
	And so I told the baby's daddy, I said, you just go back to the hospital and you tell them I'll be there at 6 o'clock tonight to pick up the body.
	And when I get there, she'll need to give me the baby.
	And I got to the hospital, signed all the paperwork and everything else, and I told the nurses on the maternity ward, I said, I'm going to go in there and I'm going to speak to the family, and then I'm going to take the baby on back to the funeral home to go ahead and work on preparing it for the funeral.
	And the nurse laughed.
	She said, I want you to know.
	She said, she's had that baby for over 24 hours.
	She said, and nobody's taking it away from her.
	She said, so good luck with it.
	Good luck with that.
	But you'll be here all night.
	Wow.
	So you went in there.
	So I went into the room there, and I spoke to all the family that was there.
	And she gave me the baby.
	And when I walked out of the room with the baby, she started screaming.
	And, you know, because she was so overwhelmed with grief.
	And I could still hear her screaming when I got on the elevator.
	And because it's so hard to lose a child, it's so unnatural that you don't know how you would react.
	Nobody knows how they're going to react until they're in that situation.
	You know, it's easy to look at it and say, oh, I would never react that way.
	But you don't know how you're going to react.
	Oh, yeah.
	I mean, that's somebody's child or that's somebody's spouse.
	And, you know, when they get overcome with grief, you've just got to be there for them.
	And, you know, if they need to cry and scream, you just got to kind of help them cry and scream.
	But if, you know, whatever they need to be, you know, you've just got to be there for them.
	You know, death brings out the worst in people, but it also brings out the best in people.
	So you never know how somebody's going to react.
	You just got to be there for them.
	And what do you carry a baby like that in that that's that size, man?
	It's just, that's heartbreaking.
	We wrap them in a baby blanket and we carry them just like they were if you would if they were a live child.
	And do you sit them up in the front seat or do you put them in the back or what do you do?
	Most of the time, what we would do is we would, in a situation like that, we would have a car and two people.
	And so one person would hold the baby in the car and the other one would drive.
	Wow.
	You know, they make what is called a box that you could put the baby in for, you know, to transport it.
	But I'm not putting a baby in a black box that looks like a tackle box to, you know, or something like that.
	I don't think that's fitting and appropriate.
	So we don't use those type of things.
	We just use the baby blanket because babies should be in a baby blanket whether they're alive or dead.
	And they shouldn't be, you know, they shouldn't be thrown in a box.
	You wouldn't carry, you know, a live one like that.
	I'm not going to carry a dead one like that.
	Amen.
	Oh, working at the finish line, man.
	You're working at the finish line.
	That's right.
	Sometimes that finish line's real short to the starting line, and sometimes it's real far away.
	But, you know, you've got to be there for all of it.
	Wow.
	Yeah, it's fascinating, man.
	I don't know if there's anything else that I can take out of you today, man, except just to say thank you very much.
	And what's the name of y'all's outfit over there?
	It's Huggart Beard and Giles Funeral Home in Hopkinsville, Kentucky.
	Wow.
	Well, thank you so much, man, for coming in and just filling us in on everything that's in that world, you know.
	Frank Giles, thank you so much today, man.
	Oh, last question.
	When the Undertaker, remember the wrestler, when he really popped off, remember?
	Yeah.
	Did that put a lot of pressure on you guys as Undertakers and stuff like that to really take it to another level?
	No, but a lot of times when he was really big in wrestling, it would be, I would get a lot of comments, you know, they'd be like, hey, Undertaker, let me be your manager.
	Let me be your manager.
	You know, let me be your paw bearer.
	And so, but yeah, those were some interesting times.
	But did it put pressure on you to like, you know, did it make you feel like, oh, I got to, you know, be more athletic or I got to show up and yell or, you know, like anything that really, did it make you, did it put any pressure on the industry?
	No, no, we weren't out there practicing the tombstone power drive or anything like that.
	But it didn't make me go hit the gym or anything like that.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I just always wondered that, man.
	Frank Giles, thank you so much for being here today, man.
	Really, really appreciate it.
	And thanks for just kind of welcoming us into your world and what it's like.
	It seems like you're just kind of walking along a really unique part of existence.
	You know, you're just kind of, you're not really guiding people, but you are kind of.
	You're just right there with them.
	That's right.
	You know?
	And the thing about it is, is it's kind of like if you fall in a hole and your neighbor jumps in that hole with you.
	And you'd say, well, why did you jump in the hole with me?
	And, you know, it's, well, I've been here before and I've gotten out.
	And so I'm here.
	You know, I've been through it before.
	I'll guide you right on through.
	Amen, man.
	Well, thanks for guiding us through this chat today.
	Frank guys, we appreciate it.
	Well, you're quite welcome.
	Honored to be here.
	Now I'm just falling on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
	I must be cornerstone.
	Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this piece of mind.
	I found I can feel it for me to make a cake.
	I'll sit and tell you my stories Shine on me And I will find a song I'll be singing just for you And I've been moving well Way too fast.
	On the runaway train.
	With a heavy load of my.
	Hands.
	And these worlds that I've been riding on, they're walls so thin that they're damn near gone.
	I guess now they just were built to lay.
	Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
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