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Couldn't make it in here and you know that's just the way it is sometimes out there on the road.
You know, that's why the road comes in different patterns.
You know, you can get a interstate that keeps going, you get an intersection meets up with something, you get cul-de-sac, you get dead end, you get um other roads so trucker canceled.
So you know the podcast is going well when a female trucker cancels on it.
Gasoline females, you know, just ladies out there burning gasoline.
18 wheeler bitches.
You know what I'm saying?
Legitimate women.
What else happened?
I got rejected by a woman.
I don't know if, well, not even the trucker.
I didn't even think about that.
But I hit on a woman and got rejected.
I'll tell you what happened.
So, you know, I went to this place out here and we're coming out to you live right now from the Central East out here.
And I went to a locale here, local shop, and they sold crepes, crepery.
And I don't know what a crepe is, but I didn't care.
Once I saw this lady working there, I said, all right, you know, I'll eat them until, you know, she and I are married if I have to.
They had a girl in there, and I saw her, and, you know, I made some small talk, and it was awkward because we both had masks on, you know.
Having a mask on, it's kind of like the beginning of like Shrek or whatever.
You know, because you don't know how anybody really, you're not getting the full package.
You're just kind of getting that Japanese package of somebody, you know, kind of snout up or mid snout upwards.
You know, you're kind of getting that, you know, like everybody's kind of a desert nine, you know, when they got that Middle Eastern, you know, a lot of Middle Eastern women, they wear the kind of that word yarmul, whatever it is, that that muffler.
You know, they wear that front muffler.
You can't see them.
I was in Saudi Arabia one time at the airport, and they had a man there, and fat fella, I'll be honest with you, he really was.
And I had, if I could think of another word to describe him, I would use it.
But I cannot.
And this man was what you would call a fat fella.
And he had about five women with him, all of his wives, and they all had on that, you know, just that little kind of, they're all wearing like a what's behind door number one kind of curtain right on their face.
You know, you can't see them all.
So that's called that Desert 9, you know, or that Desert 8. Everybody's kind of a Desert 9 when you can only see the eyes.
So I went in there and I'd seen her and I was nervous.
And anyway, you know, I went in there and I went in there a follow-up time because I'm the kind of guy that'll show up somewhere, fall in love with a woman that works behind a counter.
I don't know if you've ever done this, but I'll go somewhere, fall in love with somebody who works at the place and then try and then go back to the place to try and profess my love or make a connection.
So anyway, so I go back and I was nervous and we talked about MMA fighting.
We talked about adult male, you know, you know, fighting.
And so I figured I would try and talk about that again when I saw her.
I couldn't remember her name.
And so I was like, hey, remember me?
You know, what's your name?
And she's like, oh, my name is, you know, Clara, I believe, was her name.
And so then I was like, oh, have you been watching any of the fights?
And she said, no, I haven't.
And then I was like, so you ever like are so nervous?
Like, you can't even hear what the other person is saying.
You're just like, oh, have you ever watched any of the fights?
And you just, you can't, even no matter what their answer is, your next question is going to be something like, do you have a boyfriend?
You know?
So she said, I don't know what she said.
She might have, who knows?
She could have been calling the police.
But I was like, oh, do you, you know, maybe we should watch the fight sometime?
And that was kind of weird because I didn't, I don't even know kind of how she responded.
If she was like, yeah, or maybe.
And then I was like, oh, do you have a boyfriend?
And that's how I said it too.
Like, do you have a boyfriend?
Like, I just got so just, I was just strung up.
You know, just like when you see a rabbit and he's got one of his legs caught in the in that wire, you know, do you have a boyfriend?
And that's how I was verbally.
You know, I was that verbal kind of hung rabbit.
And she said, I do.
And I didn't have a plan for her having a boyfriend.
I did not have, my plan was I ask her out and she maybe says yes or no, I guess was also, I mean, that's probably, that's always, that's the biggest option.
But I didn't have a plan for when I was going to think she says, do I, I'm making this story so long.
So I was thinking, okay, I ask her and then she says, no, I don't.
And then I follow up with, oh, well, maybe I could take you out sometime or I could buy you something that's not a crepe, you know, or something, just a chill line.
Well, I said, do you have a boyfriend?
And she said, yes.
And so when she said yes, I couldn't, it would have been weird for me to follow up with, oh, well, maybe we should go out sometime.
So I didn't know what to ask her.
So I just asked her name again.
And I was like, oh, what was your name?
So it just was, it didn't make, it didn't make any sense, man.
It just didn't make any sense, man.
So anyway, oh, and this was the worst part.
Then I had to, I'd already ordered the food, so I had to sit there.
She said, yes.
I was like, oh, what was your name?
What is your name?
I said, what is your name?
What is your name?
And she told me her name again.
And then the conversation was just.
And then she'd like given me like my plate and fork and knife that comes with your food that you order.
And you just go sit down at your table and then it comes out.
And I was the only person in there.
So now I have to sit.
And this is where I really messed up.
I sat facing the counter.
I sat facing her at the counter.
And then I had to sit there and just eat a crepe, which is the loneliest, saddest thing you can eat as a rejected man.
It almost feels like one of those Japanese game shows like, oh, you lost.
You eat the crepes, you know?
And so I'm sitting there just eating this sad.
Every bite tasted like this girl did not like me.
But I did it.
I did it.
I went in there.
I asked her out.
I didn't get, she didn't, there was no option.
And I asked her her name again.
And then I sat and point blank ate a crepe in front of this woman.
Very, very sad.
Very, very sad.
So anyway, if you've ever been rejected, if you ever tried and failed with a woman, which I'm sure you have or you wouldn't be listening to this podcast, then I'd love to know about it.
And I'd love to hear the sharing of it.
And if you can hit the hotline and keep it concise, you know, and hit the hotline 985-664-9503.
And let me know about that moment.
Let me know how you handled it or how you didn't handle it.
The succeeding is in the trying.
That's where it is.
That's where it is.
So if you've ever been rejected, bro, rejected nation, son, you feel me?
Gang, man.
We out here, man.
We out here.
Let's get into the episode.
This is Paul Cawthan, Holy Ghost Fire.
I got the Holy Ghost fire and it's burning in me I got the Holy Ghost fire burning in me.
Got the Holy Ghost fire, and I'm burning down the street.
I got a sweet little batty at your own in the caddy with me I got a sweet little patty as you roll in the canterapy.
I got a whole lot of product for my Holy Ghost Mama.
She make you sweet eyes for me.
Don't let me down, my sweet mama.
Oh, my sweet mama, don't let me down.
I'm a no-no-no-sman.
I'm dying to get you in the home of my family.
The work in the Hong Kong land.
If you knew the truth about it, baby, roll away in hell, you'd stay.
Music If you knew the truth about me, ain't no way in hell, girl, you'd stay.
If you knew the truth about me, ain't no way in hell, girl, you'd stay.
Have you disappointed a woman in your life, Riley Mao?
Oh, have I?
I definitely have.
I definitely have.
And how do you feel about it now, and now that some time has passed?
I would say pretty great because she wasn't the one.
And in hindsight, how do you know that she wasn't?
I think it was just the feeling.
I just had a strong feeling she wasn't the one.
But at the time, you had a feeling she was, huh?
Oh, of course.
And what was it you think leading you down that path to thinking she was?
Do you think it was naivety?
Do you think it was sensualness?
Do you think it was the devil?
What do you think it was, really?
No, I think she just...
I don't know, she just...
Like, what was she doing?
Like, what do you mean?
Like, walking, like, sleepwalking or something?
Well, apparently, what I was told is that she's pregnant.
I was like, ha ha, what?
So then I...
Pretty much, and I had no idea because she wasn't showing yet.
So it was very early in the stage.
And I literally had no idea.
That pregnancy, the first three months, it can trick you.
That's the thing about leeway.
That's called leeway, Riley.
And that's where, you know, a woman will have a certain amount of time, they can still trick another man.
They get pregnant over here.
They get Pregnant with Jerry, and then they telling Lance, Oh, I love you.
You know, I love you, comes, you know, spraying me.
And then they trick you and say, Oh, yeah, you, you know, you must have a strong seed.
I got that six-month baby, you know, I got that little hatchling right here, six-month, or you know, that little premature bad boy.
And he comes out weighing a pound, pound and a half, some of these children now.
You know, half the wombs out there, they, you know, you see a womb up close on the camera and the windows are busted out in it.
Half these women out here, they got, you know, they got Cardi B blaring out of the damn second floor of their womb.
You can't even know, you don't even know what's going on anymore.
You know, it's all people's thought and people, you know, somebody's, you know, you hear somebody stealing a purse and jumping off a rooftop of the damn womb and you're like, what is going on here?
But that's where we are right now.
A lot of these pre-packaged wombs, a lot of, you know, these prefab.
It used to be back in the old days, Riley, a woman had a decent womb in her.
You know about it?
You heard about it?
Yeah, definitely.
And then now you get these lady, they got the damn, you know, you don't know if it's a womb or a damn Ziploc bag in there.
You don't know.
It's not as reliable as it once was.
Back in the day, they had a woman at a damn concrete womb.
It was something, you know, they had a bird's nest in the corner.
There was more, there was something there.
It was something had a doorbell on it.
You know, it was a damn real place.
And now you got these, you know, they got somebody smoking on the porch.
You don't even know the guy.
So it's just, it's a different time, man.
It is a different time.
What's going on?
What's going on?
I was thinking the other day about racism.
Because obviously I think about it a lot.
And we've discussed it before on here, Riley.
Would you agree with that?
Yeah, yeah, I totally agree.
Well, I think that here's what I'm thinking is.
Nowadays, you see a lot of children, a lot of mixed children.
You know, you see somebody, and we talked about it last, a couple weeks ago, there's somebody's Japanese and Filipino, you know?
Or you see somebody that's, you know, from Delaware and also somebody that's Malaysian.
You know, Malware, they'll call them or whatever.
But when I was young, they called him mixed.
Oh, look at that little mixed fella.
You know, you'd see a kid, he'd have a white body, one black leg.
You know, you'd see a kid, he had a little, you know, maybe he was 10%, you know, maybe he was 10% pinoy, and he'd have one kind of lean eye, you know.
It was just different, man.
You'd see, you know, but they call him mixed.
Oh, that little fellow's mixed.
Look at him.
You know, you'd see a little, you'd see a black kid, but he'd have long blonde hair, you know, and he'd perm his own hair at night.
You'd be like, oh, damn, he's something, you know?
So it was just a different time.
People were more mixed.
But I'm thinking that, because there's still some racism out there.
You know, and I'll name a couple of groups that do not get along really well.
Or they get along well, but there's still some tension.
That's a better way to say it.
Black and white.
Chinese and black.
Also, Mexican and black in prison.
Okay?
And this is all stuff that I've heard from verified people.
And the rumor is black versus alien or extraterrestrial ETs.
You know, I have a lot of black friends that have told me that there is low-key beef between extraterrestrials and the urban community.
Do you know any rally, any groups that have racial tension?
Japanese and Germans.
There you go.
And there you go.
Right from the little horse's mouth right there, you heard it.
And where'd you hear about it?
In school, for one.
Okay.
But also for another, you know, a few of my friends that are German.
Sorry about that.
I have an email account.
But here's what I'm thinking is the way we get to the future, because you see a lot of these fellas now, a lot of these ladies that are doing well when it's mixed culture.
You got your Patrick Mahomes is out there.
This guy, I mean, who knows what he's doing?
This dude do anything he wants.
You got, who's somebody that's mixed that does well, Riley?
Me.
Who else?
I'm trying to think of a female.
There's definitely other people.
But here's what I'm saying is that this, I think eventually every race will be mixed.
In two, three centuries, you're going to have everybody is going to be part everything.
And then that's when everything gets unlocked, you know.
Like we kind of unlock some of the key to the universe when you get to that, you know, that kind of captain planet type shit, basically.
Because here's the thing.
That's the thing.
It's a magic deal.
Because everybody's still, you know, people still kind of cornering off for their respect.
People still blocking out, posting up for their own races a lot.
And I think the key to it all is, is once you get all of that, all of the rate, once it's all mixed completely and you get that, you know, Japanatric Mahomes,
basically, when you get that full, it's almost like if you took around a cup at a United Nations meeting, you know, or even just a hand, you put your hand out like that, had everybody e-jack into your hand at a UN rally or something, or a mixed event, and you mix all of that up and you put that shit in the oven on high for about three hours, bro.
I bet when you open it up, you got just a big bunt cake that would never, ever be racist.
And I believe that a thousand percent, man.
So I'm just trying to think outside of the box.
You know, I'm just trying to think of things that could be the end game.
You know, I'm just trying to think of the things that would be the end game out here.
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I remember one time just being, and I don't know what had gone on.
I think somebody come through town with a new dish, a new, you know, a new type of maybe Mexican food or something, you know, a new spice or something.
Because I grew up in a time people would come through town, something would come through town, it would hit everybody.
You know, I remember a bad hit of LSD, a bad batch of LSD came through our town and nobody could spell anything.
Nobody could, you know, a fire batch or the kids would call it now a fire ass batch of LSD came through town and people couldn't spell.
People couldn't.
I remember one type of drug came through town.
People couldn't tie their shoes in our town for half a month.
People walking around, just, you know, people having to wear slippers a lot.
You'd see a working man, an electrical man out there in slippers.
You'd see people walking into the mine with their, you know, shoes untied.
Just couldn't.
It was a different time.
It was a way different time.
What else?
I remember heavy golf balls.
Somebody sold a batch of heavy golf balls.
Whenever they got them made, they were too heavy.
And so suddenly all the men in our town, they were hitting ball, doing golf, but they couldn't, the scores were low.
Take a man 11 shots to do a par four.
You know, men out there crying, men start drinking, abusing their wives and lying.
You know, so I grew up in a time where a rare product or a mismanu, they used to call it mismanufacturement would trouble a society, would ruin a small town.
Ruin a small town.
And then I remembered, yeah, a certain rare spice or something, something maybe native, I don't know what happened, maybe something was in the water, everybodyola.
You know, people were just damn erect.
God, people were erect.
I mean, you'd have a, you know, you'd have a bird laying right on your front.
For no reason, you know, a dog would just come run at you and just grab you by the front.
And it was just, I mean, it was just insane.
You know, it was just insane.
But you got to be careful.
You got to be careful and get the right dose for your pain.
Baby, you run high on that dose, man.
I mean, you will just.
I mean, your lips get hard.
You can't close your eyes.
I've taken some pills that'll.
I mean, that'll make you damn cry.
You know?
Make you cry, man.
What else do we have, man?
Let's get into.
Well, we had a couple calls, man, and I had a lot of nice calls after last week's episode, but we got some calls.
People come through with some different calls and verbal calls right here.
As always, the hotline 985-664-9503.
Let's get into that.
CEO, man.
Hey, we're calling out here really close to Covington.
Hello, man.
And Covington, that's my hometown.
Did you know I was from somewhere, Raleigh?
I did not know exactly where.
Well, I am from Covington, Louisiana.
Do you know what it's famous for?
Cheese?
No, wait, that's Wisconsin.
Yep, nope.
It is famous for tallest statue of Ronald Reagan in America.
Tallest full copper statue of Ronald Reagan.
You have a favorite statue?
Can't say I do.
You got to have one, man.
You should get one.
I'll tell you a couple of mine.
You're welcome to borrow it if you need it.
There's one in there was the tallest Bob Hope statue, and that was in Duran.
I believe it was Duran, Illinois.
Can you look that up, actually?
Do you mind, Rally Mel?
Hate to put you to work there, but you got to do something, you know.
Tallest Bob Hope statue.
Peoria, Illinois has a Richard Pryor statue that I believe is full pewter or maybe 70% pewter or something.
And they quit putting copper in a lot of statues because a lot of homeless and drug addicts or DAs will chip it out and sell it and smoke it.
Smoke drugs with the money.
So you do a copper statue, and then next thing you know, it only has one arm, and they got, you know, 11 more, you know, 11 more people smoking crack near you.
And you're just wondering how it all financially made sense.
What do you have, tallest Bob Hope statue?
Any information?
Oh, you wanted Bob Hope.
I looked up the statue of Hope in Friendship, Indiana.
Oh, okay.
What is that?
It is a private memorial or monument displayed in a graveyard or cemetery.
Hope is one of the seven virtues of the Christian religion.
So it's literally just about hope.
Oh, that's beautiful.
Not Bob Hope, but.
Okay.
Well, that's close enough, man.
If you get that Bob Hope intel, let us know.
So, yeah, but I appreciate it, fella.
And what I'm telling you is down a heat call from Covington, Louisiana, and have the world's stallest statue of Ronald Reagan.
And that's 10 feet tall, unprecedented Ronald.
People refer to it locally or the UR.
Onward.
We just want to say, hope you're doing good.
We appreciate everything.
We just made it to God.
Keep everything on the top shelf, man.
We love you.
Later.
Amen.
And they just made it through the storm down there in Louisiana.
Storm Delta.
And that's where we're at now.
We got airlines sponsoring the storms.
That's how it is now.
This next storm brought to you by Entergy.
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Here's a tornado.
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And next thing you know, your house is on its ass.
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It's coming to natural disasters sponsored by companies.
Okay.
Here's your craft macaroni and earthquakes, brother.
You want some of that?
Rabies.
Oh, this strand.
It's fierce.
It's just as fierce as the new Spotify.
I'm just telling you what's next, guys.
It's all for sale now.
It's all for sale.
But I'll say this about Louisiana, and I'm hyped up.
I'll tell you I'm hyped up.
You know, and I'm tired of sometimes, you know, I'm not tired of anything, but sometimes I'm hyped up and sometimes I'm not.
Sometimes I have a different mood, and I'm hyped up today.
You know, we're supposed to have a trucker and we don't have a trucker.
We're supposed to have a trucker.
We're supposed to have a trucker and we don't have a trucker.
Okay?
So that's where I'm at.
I'm handling it.
I'm moving forward.
But dude, every time I'm afraid to even call people in Louisiana anymore, when I call home, man, everybody's hiding from a storm.
Oh, what's going on?
We under a blanket right now.
We got 40 of those weighted blankets, you know, we riding it out.
Yeah, we having a party.
We just, you know, we got five handles of Tito's.
You know, hell, the dog's having a damn jello shot right now.
We out here at my cousins.
We riding it out.
We driving to Austin.
I feel like the only thing, living in Louisiana is basically like playing hide and go seek with the weather.
That's it.
It's just like you and Mother Nature in a game of Red Rover.
That's what's going on when you live down there in Louisiana on the Gulf Coast.
We packing everything up.
I'm like, y'all just moved in.
Yeah, we moving out.
The rain's coming.
Oh, man.
Bless you guys.
I'm glad you guys made it through it.
I'm glad you guys made it through it, man.
And thanks for the update.
And, you know, it gets me.
Remember about four you that rain rally?
I do.
It's cool, huh?
Yeah, that's a lot.
That's a lot, man.
That's cool.
That's one thing that's different, man, about living here instead of living in California, predominantly anyway, is just feeling that weather calm.
In California, if there's weather, you feel like it's part of a movie set.
You're just because it's always the same, the weather is always nice, so you get something a little different.
You feel like somebody just was part of like the producer just sent it or director just send in the, let's do five mile per hour winds.
Yeah, can you raise the wind and send a bird?
Let's send a bird.
Send two birds.
Yeah, it's spring.
That's what it feels like out there in California if something comes through that it's all designed.
But here you get a natural piece of something.
And it's nice, man.
You remember that there's a bigger director out there.
There's Mother Nature's out there.
And that bad bitch is Union.
And she is doing whatever she wants now because she has tenure.
And she's not worried about getting fired.
And she gets a two-hour lunch break, even though she only has a five-hour workday.
But anyway, thanks for that call, man.
Riley Mel, you got any information on that Bob Hope statue?
I do.
So it says that Bob Hope may be something of a forgotten figure, as a Los Angeles Times writer said in a November 29th story about a new biography on the late comedian Hope Entertainer of the San Francisco.
Okay, what about the statue, Bubba?
There is a 9-foot, 5-inch-tall fiberglass and cement statue that has stood for 34 years in Rockford.
Rockford, Illinois?
Yes, sir.
Wow.
Yeah, man.
That's beautiful.
Now, that's something you see different places.
Small towns like to do that.
Like to honor something.
Tallest statue, Bob Hope.
Did he ever go see it?
What does it say?
And there you go, ladies and gentlemen.
That's Riley Mao right there.
All right, let's take another call that came in here.
This was from actually the New Jersey show, and this fella came through, and he sent in a video, actually.
And this fella named Dan Romeo.
Yo, what's up, Theo?
So here we go.
Kind of hard to see because of this camera angle, but.
And if you can see on the video here, they got video.
And he sent us video.
And video, basically, it's like a million pictures at once, man.
Right here, we got Dan Romeo hitting us up, and he just showed us, if you can see on the video here, he showed us he's a wheelchair man, this man.
He's that bionic fella.
You know, he's that wheelie-wheelie hit man.
This dude could go off a ramp and be like that, man, and be wild.
Because of this camera angle, but my name's Dan.
I was that dude in the wheelchair at your late show in Jersey.
That shit was funny as fuck.
I don't think we expected anything less.
You killed it up there.
Thanks, brother.
I appreciate you, Daniel.
It's all good laughter in this pandemic time.
Take our minds off this shit for a little bit.
And fuck it, dude.
Me and you start traveling around this globe fucking up people, fucking up family barbecues and three-legged racing and smoking them.
Both stay on our side of the leg.
You know what I'm saying?
I sure do, brother.
And I appreciate it, man.
I appreciate you with this call.
And yeah, if you got no legs, man, I got two.
I'll give you one, man.
We'll both each staying there on it.
Like a flamingo.
You know, maybe have us, you know, share a cigarette or something.
Or I'm not smoking now, but you could take some hits and blow it into my mouth as long as our lips don't touch.
You feel me?
Onward.
Yeah, man.
I appreciate the kind words and the shout out.
That shit was unreal.
All my buddies and me, we all watched the podcast, and they were all sending me clips before I got to watch it.
And I was like, holy shit, this is fucking unreal.
Well, I appreciate you being out there, man.
You know, and I never, you know, I've always had legs my whole life.
And I didn't plan on it, but I just, you know, once I was alive, I just had them.
And, you know, so it's always interesting when I meet somebody that's, you know, that's just, that's doing it a different way.
Because I think life is like that.
Sometimes you get legs, sometimes you don't.
You know, it's kind of like mounds and almond joy.
You know, and I got them freaking almonds, bro, on me.
And you, and you, you know, you more the, you more the, you roll them without, you know, sand nuts, they call it.
But anyway, I love you, man, and I appreciate it.
And it's good to see your face here, dude, because I couldn't see you that well from the stage.
And next time I come out there, dude, yeah, we'll go do a show.
Maybe we hit the vaudeville or something.
You know, I do a flute and you come out and do something, go off a little ramp or something.
You know, or maybe we get a trainer animal to be involved, have a little canary land on you or something.
Or we have you in a box the whole time on the stage and then we surprise everybody at the end.
And you roll, you know, maybe part of the box opens up and you roll out, you know, and do a, you know, do a bottle rocket or do something.
Some sort of flare activity or something.
So a lot of possibilities, man.
A lot of possibilities.
What else do we got?
This episode's all over the place.
I will say that.
We got, this call came in.
Here we go.
Hey, Theo, this is Brayden from Denver, Colorado.
Hey, Brayden.
And I got a little nephew named Brayden who lives over there in Spanish Fork in Alabama.
Let's hear more.
With all the negativity that's been going on in the news and the pandemic, I just wanted to let you know about something positive that came about it.
My childhood friends, Beth, he's in middle school and high school, were all over the country and it's hard for us to get together, but because of all the extra time everybody's gotten, everybody's working remotely, we have set up a Dungeons and Dragons campaign that meets up once a week.
So every Thursday, he gets together and we hunt dragons and do all sorts of fun stuff together.
Look, I think, oh, man, I don't even know how to get into this.
I think it's beautiful you guys are getting together, man.
Dude, I think the Dungeons and Dragons always never really didn't know how to handle that vibe.
You know, you'd always be, you'd see people meeting up in the back of a Quiznose or something at night.
And some guy's got a purple beard and he's got, you know, his lady's got them big, big, big, beefy tits, you know?
Them big freaking, them slush guppies, dog.
Them, just damn, like a damn, just big old tits, you know?
Kind of tits you hear somebody rev a truck when you see them, just right when you see them, like, damn, you know, that titty's got octane, you know, just you feel that titty a little.
You see that titty, you know, like the kind of breast is so big it could tell you're looking at it.
So you look the other way out of sheer just embarrassment or, you know, mild shame.
But men meeting up to play Dungeons and Dragons at night, man.
I'll tell you this.
I remember when I was in junior high and I was good in junior high and I saw, they had some kids playing it outside one day.
And you'd see every, you know, one of the kids looked like Rapunzel and it was a boy, you know, and he'd have his hair braided into a, you know, into the other kid was wearing his hair braid as a damn scarf and they were all, it was just wild shit.
You'd have some guy would have his nose, his septum pierced, and he'd have a spare key hanging off it, you know, to get into school.
And all of them hated gym class.
These were the kids who did not like gym class.
And I saw a big gull.
We didn't get a lot of gulls.
You know, seagulls, pelicans.
We didn't get a lot of them flying over campus when I was in junior high.
But every now and then the winds would switch over there over the poncho train.
And a pelican would come by.
And I saw a pelican defecate onto a damn Dungeons and Dragons game.
And that shit made me feel good, man, honestly, when it happened.
May the Pelicans be ever in your favor, my friend.
What about the news, Riley?
Why don't you keep the news and get it ready for us?
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Raleigh Mal, hit us with a news item, brother.
Well, in a British wildlife park, they have removed five cursing parrots from public.
Okay, when you say cursing parrots, what do you mean?
Like parrots that they're, what, casting spells on public?
I mean that they have foul language.
Oh.
Fowls have foul language.
Okay.
And any other information they're giving you?
It just says that the birds shared the ability to curse up a storm, something they engaged in quite often.
Okay, so they're doing it, and where is it happening?
You said in a British wildlife park.
Yep.
Yep.
You know, when I was young, Riley, you'd see a um when I was young, you'd see a mobile zoo was popular.
You know, and that was a man had a nice van or an extended van, even sometime a church van.
And this man, you know, a man would have a mobile zoo.
And so, you know, somebody come through town with a chimp and a small dolphin in an aquarium or something in a big van, you know, and you, you know, pay a dollar, go see it.
Or somebody come through, roll through with two chimps and a beagle.
And that was maybe 75 cent.
You go see the, you know, see them.
And sometimes the beagle try to mate with everybody.
Beagle, you know, a deranged beagle will fuck anything.
And that's probably practically scripture, man.
But we had a fella come through town one time and he had a couple of starlings, I believe.
They were birds.
And they'd curse.
You go give them a dollar, half dollar, and they'd call you the N-word, call you the S-word.
You know, call you a Jew.
For a dollar, they'd call you a Jew.
And it was just a different time.
It was just a different time.
You know, when a traveling zoo was more, you know, they didn't have as much legal issues.
Nowadays, somebody, you know, a friend of mine got bit outside of a BJ's pizza by a damn by a Australian shepherd, and that's a lawsuit.
Whereas when I was young, you'd pay maybe 50 cents for that.
So we're living in different times, man.
And I'd be lying if I didn't tell you I spent a couple dollars over there.
Because this fellow's little zoo broke down by us.
And you'd get over there and a starling would call you this or call you that.
You know, sometime for, you know, $1.50, you could get, you know, two N-words and a Jew out of the guy or something, you know, out of the thing.
Or, you know, just, you know, you could strike up a deal.
And what kind of birds were they, Riley?
Does it say?
They are the African gray parrots.
Okay.
So that's almost, I mean, let's be honest, bro.
If it's African gray, that's almost a black.
That's a, you know, that's an African-American bird.
You know, I mean, I know there's different ways to say it, but still, it's like, so if they're dropping them bombs, is that, you know, I don't know if that really needs article-worthy.
You know, I get if you got a white parrot litter or something out there, and he, you know, you got a toucan and he's out there just humming in bombs at people while they're trying to buy a mouse or whatever, then that to me is risque.
But, you know, this sounds just like nature kind of figuring itself out.
You know, in the 1600s, 1700s, they used to use cows to find like, I don't want to say landmines or, but explosives and stuff.
Not 1700s, but like 1800s, 1900s.
And they'd send them out there wandering out there, you know, until they detonated it.
So, you know anything about that?
That might have even been a Far Asian trick, Raleigh.
Have you heard anything about that at home?
On the home front, any long family tales or anything like that?
I haven't, no.
Any of your family in any of the wars?
Iwo Jima, famous war?
Not that I know of.
Hmm.
You seem like you might have a little warrior in you.
Anybody ever told you that?
No, you would be the first.
That's cool, bro.
Thank you.
All right, let's check out this next call here that came in.
Hey, what's going on, Theo?
This is Josh from Missouri.
And, man, I don't know what I should do.
I just need some advice.
Thank you for calling, Josh, from Missouri or Missouri.
Tell my stepdad used to call it Missouri.
Missoura.
And he died, actually.
Let's hear more.
Girlfriend started in OnlyFans, and she's making pretty good money.
But lately, she said she wants me to be in the videos with her.
I just don't know how I feel about that.
I mean, she says she can make more money if I'm in them, but I just don't really want my penis and stuff being on camera.
So I was just wondering what you would do and give me some advice and see gang gang.
Gang, bro.
And look, it's a great question.
You know, I remember when I was a little younger, a fella told me, hey, your penis ain't made for video.
And I got to say that I agree with that.
I think there's some OnlyFan stuff that you could do that's a little bit, you know, risque, but not as wicked.
You know.
Because I don't know.
Now you got to worry about the lighting.
You got to worry about what if people comment, oh, look at that.
Look at that guy got that little dick, bruh.
Dude, two of those?
Two people saying, ah, look at Sammy's got that little dick.
You're never going to be the same after reading those comments, man.
So, I don't know.
Riley Mao, what do you think about that kind of stuff?
You subscribe to any of that depravity?
I do not.
And how do you keep off of it?
I just keep off of it.
And do you have any trouble looking at pornography or anything like that?
I don't.
Wow, really?
Mhm.
God.
And have you always been that way?
Mm-hmm.
Man.
And then how do you do it, you think?
I mean, I ju I just don't.
There's not really a how.
I just don't.
Remarkable, buddy.
Okay.
Speaking of Riley Mal, let's get a here.
A call came in right about him.
And here we go.
Hey, man, this is Ruben Collin from Greenville, South Carolina.
What's up, Ruben?
And you got to respect a man named after a sandwich.
You got to respect him.
Whether you know a guy named Grilled Cheese Whitaker or Reuben Harper.
You know, or you go, you know a guy named PB ⁇ J Washington.
You got to respect somebody named after a damn edible lunch entree onward.
I got to be honest with you, man.
Riley Mao just ain't doing it for me.
All my boys listeners, my co-workers, my buddies.
We all listen to your show.
I love the boy.
He's a good boy.
I was a Boy Scout.
He was a Boy Scout.
He made it part of the Nighters.
I got bad respect for him.
I'm a Christian.
He's a Christian.
You know, we're brothers in that sense.
But I don't, I mean, I'm trying to be as nice as possible.
Nicest guy in the world.
He sounds like just a sweetheart.
But I don't know, for the purposes of your show, if he's lending anything that you bring a lot to the table.
And I appreciate it, Ruben.
I appreciate the feedback.
You know, this is a feedback circle here, and people is allowed to feedback.
And I don't even damn you for it, brother.
I want to hear what you have to say.
And he just says that, you know, he feels like you don't really, that you don't bring a lot to the table, Rally.
Have people ever told you that in your life before or not?
Oh, all the time.
Yeah.
All right, let's get another call.
We had another call that came in about you.
And let's see what we can do here about it.
Hi, my name is Henry.
I'm in middle school.
And, well, I'm pretty good with the bow staff.
I train almost every day.
And I hear that Riley's Asian, so that's pretty much a given that, well, he's in martial arts.
So I challenge him to a duel.
Gang.
There you go.
And I don't even know if we can legally even listen to a middle.
I don't know how old that child is.
And it could be also, he could be 18 or 19 in middle school.
We had a guy named Larry or Mr. Larry.
They called him eventually when I was in middle school.
And he was at least 19. And he could come.
I remember in the bathroom.
We'd be in there urinating, you know, just doing water out the front.
And he'd come in and pee right over you into the urinal.
Just showing off, you know, because he was, I mean, hell, he was fully developed and his, you know, and he just had a damn cannon on him.
He had that freaking, God dang, he had that, you know, that 19-year-old spout on him.
We're all out here just using a, everybody's penis looked like a little igloo, something you see on an igloo water cooler.
And he shows up with this big dang Lincoln log, you know.
But anyway, Riley, you got a child right there challenging you.
Could you beat a child in a contest?
Yeah, I'm pretty sure I can.
You think you can beat that kid's ass, honestly, Henry?
I don't know.
He might be faking the voice.
He might be like a really tough guy.
I don't know.
And how would you approach it, you think?
Well, I mean, I would tell him, you know, come over to the Middle East and we'll hash it out.
Okay.
So there you go.
You got a real challenge right there.
He's saying bring it over to the Central East, you mean?
Central East, right, correct.
Bring it over to the Central East, and he'll hash it out.
You know?
And that's how you right there, people want to doubt on Riley Mao, he just offered to beat the shit out of a damn middle schooler.
So, I mean, if that ain't beautiful, baby, I don't know what is.
You know, especially during these tough times, man.
Especially during these tough times.
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All right, let's take another call right here.
Hey, Theo, this is Rob Collin from Atlanta.
What's up, Rob?
Thank you for the call, my friend, and I appreciate you from Atlanta.
Not sure what you're up to this Tuesday, but the Buffalo Bills will be in Nashville.
And if you're free, I got an extra ticket for you, man.
There's nothing we welcome more to the Bills mafia than a nice strong mullet.
Not going to be a full crowd, but if you want to come through and watch Josh Allen tear up the Titans, man, let me know.
I'd love to see my buddy Harrison Phillips over there play over there for Buffalo.
And he plays Buffalo Bills football.
And I'd love to see him do it.
So maybe we'll get out there, and they're undefeated over there, both of the teams.
Both of the teams undefeated.
Zero losses, two teams.
That's good football.
So thank you for that.
What else?
Anything else you want to share with this rally?
I did see that a man told snake skin isn't a legitimate face covering.
There you go.
There you go.
All right.
I want to say this, man.
We had a lot of calls last week.
You know, I was going through a tough time.
And sometimes I just am.
Sometimes I just am going through a tough time.
And I just want to say thanks for the nice calls and the support.
You know, I appreciate it.
You know, I just have this thing inside of me where I just, I forget, I just, I just, there's just part of me that forgets that people care about me.
It just forgets it.
It's like a it's almost like a it's like a software issue where, you know, it just kind of, that part of the, the residual effect of people caring about me just dissipates pretty quickly.
And so it's just a, you know, I appreciate a lot of nice reminders that came in and people just sharing some of their thoughts.
And so I want to just honor a couple of those, man.
Let's get into it.
What's up, Will?
Thank you for the call, Will.
And you know, I grew up with a fellow they called Will the Thrill.
And he invited us over to his house one time for a party.
And some fella had just learned to masturbate in our group.
And we didn't know about it.
He hadn't just learned.
He'd known maybe he was probably, this dude might have been 26. And he was in a middle school junior high or pre-junior high.
And so we're all in a hot tub.
We're relaxing, you know, his birthday party.
And you ever been to a birthday party, a hot tub, Riley?
Well, you got to get out more, man.
It was, yeah, about maybe eight boys sitting in a hot tub.
And this is in Louisiana.
And if you have a hot tub in Louisiana, first of all, you are obviously clinically not doing well because that's basically like making soup.
It's basically, there's never, there's been four cold days in the history of Louisiana.
So to have a hot tub is just, it's delinquent.
You're basically making soup out of whoever you invite to sit in it.
So we got basically an eight-child booyah base going on out there.
We got an eight-child gumbo brewing out there, and some fellow named C.J. Vickery had learned to, you know, jerk himself off.
And the rest of us didn't know about it.
We'd never heard of it.
We'd never seen it.
We'd never even seen a drawing of somebody ejaculating.
And so he's touching his body under the water, you know, being secretive, doing secretive touch.
And suddenly when he's about to ejaculate, he pulls his body up out of the water and he starts just kind of, you know, just e-jacking into the little pool, into the little hot tub.
And Will, this kid, Will the Thrill, they called him, grabbed his penis to stop it because he thought something bad was happening to him.
He was having a bad reaction or something because he'd never seen it.
So he grabbed it to stop it and like squeeze it.
And the kid punched him.
Kid punched him right in the neck.
And that hurts, bro.
Seeing somebody get punched in the neck, man, when they're trying to hold on to somebody else's penis for no reason.
I don't know.
The whole thing was just.
It was a lot, man.
It was a lot of levels.
It was kind of like the Odyssey.
You ever read The Odyssey Riley?
I have.
And it was pretty wild, huh?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Very similar to that.
And anyway, man, so I knew a fella named Will, man.
Let's hear more.
Thanks for the call.
I'm just listening to your podcast.
You just put out the one about where you want to drink.
You know, for me, man, I've been in recovery.
I've got a little over two and a half years right now.
And I absolutely know what you're going through.
For me, it was just feeling miserable and not having the drugs and the alcohol to turn to and wondering like, damn, what else?
You know, I'm going to the gym.
I'm going to meetings.
I'm going to church.
I'm doing all these things.
I'm doing everything y'all tell me to do.
But I still feel, you know, damn, I still wake up.
I asked people, I said, do you wake up happy?
And they're like, yeah.
And I said, damn.
You know, I couldn't remember the last time that I woke up happy.
Man, I can really, I can relate, man.
Yeah, I don't know.
I think, you know, nobody gets everything.
Everybody gets some things.
You know, some people might be good at math and some people, you know, wake up happy.
You know, some people like pudding and some people can draw.
You know, it's all the way God makes it, I think everything evens out.
Nobody gets it all.
You know, somebody's beautiful, but they might be dumb.
You know, somebody might be dumb, but they could teach you how to sing if you need to sing real quick.
Everybody has different capabilities.
And yeah, one of my strong suits is not waking up happy, man.
It's just waking up at a deficit.
And yeah, I can do all the things, but sometimes that's just my walk in the world.
And so each day I have to have, or each day I find that a program, if I follow a program, then it helps me.
And the best program I've found for myself is through 12-step in recovery to battle that daily, oh, here we go again.
Oh, I'm not good enough.
Oh, I can't handle this.
Oh, I feel this way.
It gets me out of me and gets me onto someone else or on the God before I can get to myself, you know.
But yeah, when I meet somebody who wakes up happy, oh, I'm so envious.
It's like, go, go.
How do you do it?
I mean, that's my David Blaine right there.
When I meet somebody who wakes up full of joy, just wakes up, you get that free gift of joy.
Man, that's beautiful.
But it gives me something to work towards, man.
It gives me a daily battle.
And I got to be thankful also for that daily battle, even on the days when I lose it.
You know, because if we woke up and just had everything, man, it would.
I don't know if I'd want that.
Let's take another call, man.
Here we go.
Yo, Theo, what's up, man?
This is Jay from New York.
What's up, Jay?
Thank you for calling, man.
Onward.
All right.
I'm just calling.
I was just listening to your last episode with the asthma as Mr. Asthma attack driver.
Yeah, that driver.
That fella had that asthma.
We had to pull over.
So we could, you know, you know, so we could lung up off the freaking turnpike gang.
Driving the Uber, freaking pulling over to breathe some of this funk, breathe some of this funk air that we have in the New York, New Jersey area.
You seemed a little down.
You seemed a little depressed.
I just wanted to kind of reach out and let you know.
You did move to Nashville, Tennessee.
So it's a whole nother area of the country coming from LA where it's more sunny, more sunshine, yada, yada.
But I just want to let you know, a lot of people around the fall time start to get depressed due to nature.
The leaves are falling off the trees, and the trees are giving off that pheromone of dying.
And it's natural, man.
It's natural.
And you have a lot on your plate.
You've been clean.
You've been sober.
I'm a big fan of the show, Gang, Gang.
And I just want to let you know, man, it's a normal thing to be depressed at this time of the year, especially moving from a city to another city.
So, you know, just hold in there, man.
Springtime will be back around.
All right, let's take another call here.
Yo, what up, Theo?
This is Luis.
Just getting to your adult asthma episode.
And, you know, it's funny because, you know, I usually stay on top, but I kind of fell behind the episodes.
And, you know, you're saying, you know, God does for you what you can't do for yourself.
And, you know, I needed to hear that because, you know, as you're doing your sobriety, I'm also dealing with what I have to do.
And, you know, the clerk telling you that you can't go to the restaurant was almost synonymous with my cell phone dying as I was texting my dealer.
You know, I've been sober now for one month, and it's been the hardest month so far.
I can't sleep.
I can't eat.
But, you know, listening to your podcast only reassured me that, you know, what I'm doing is the right thing.
And, you know, it's not easy.
It's not going to be easy.
And, you know, when you deal with these stressful moments and these instances where you just want to binge, it's hard, man.
Wow, man.
Yeah, it's hard.
Yeah, it's hard.
I guess I've got to remember that it's hard sometimes.
You know, and I just, you know, it just means a lot, man.
I appreciate it.
I really do.
And, yeah, your phone dying while you're texting your dealer.
That's wild.
What a blessing, honest.
It's crazy.
And yeah, For some people, and some people say, Well, hey, man, just have a drink or go party one night and let the edge out.
And that's fine, that's definitely an option.
But I just, when I don't want to do that option, and some people don't have a problem, if you don't have a problem, then it's then more power to you.
You know?
I'll tickle your cousin while you do a line off his ass, bruh.
You know what I'm saying, dude?
I'm out there.
I'm out there, bruh.
You know?
I'll freaking, you know.
You know, I'll give your stepmother a Zerbert, bruh.
While she's doing a line, bruh.
Something, whatever we got to do, you know, I mean, but I just, if I go out like that, then I don't know if I'm coming back sometimes.
Because I like to ride that dust, you feel me?
You know what I'm saying?
I like to all aboard on that dust donkey, son.
That's where I'm at.
If you find me, bruh, I'll be out there on that dust.
I'll freaking, I'll snort a ring off of Saturn, baby.
You feel me?
I'll snort a ring off of Saturn, son.
So I just got to be careful with it.
But man, I'm glad you got a month, man.
It makes me feel good for you.
And just, not feel good for you.
It just makes me feel, I'm just happy that you feel good for you.
Yeah, man.
Because that's powerful.
It's just powerful.
So, but yeah, man, thank you guys for all the kind messages and stuff.
And what have I done this week to take care of myself a little bit better?
Well, for one, I was coming down off probably off of testosterone.
I've been taking testosterone, that TRT replacement and stuff like that.
And so there probably could have been some side effects of that.
You know, but this week I've been just trying to stay more busier with my running, working with a new therapist, making a gratitude list every day and really sticking to it.
And even recording my gratitude list on audio and then send it to some of my buddies who also make them.
And having them send it back, you know?
No homo, bro, or yes, homo, whatever.
But that's the kind of stuff that this past week has been saving me.
And just keeping me in a, in a, keeping my spirit more comfortable.
So, yeah, I was born with an uncomfortable spirit.
You know, I was born with an uncomfortable spirit.
So, but yeah, I appreciate it.
Just so much.
A lot of kind words, man.
A lot of kind words.
And it just meant a lot.
So thank you.
All right.
Well, we will.
We're looking also for unique characters to come in.
So follow TPW Instagram.
And we'll let you know some possible unique type, character type people that we would like to have on the show and unique humans.
And we'll do what we can.
And, you know, we made it through it.
You know, that's one thing today.
We rolled with the punches.
You know, we were expecting to have female trucker in, and it didn't happen.
And we wish her well and hope that she's safe wherever she is.
And we just do what we can.
And any parting words you have, Rally?
No, not at all.
No.
And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen.
We'll leave out the way we came in.
This is Paul Cawthon with some good music.
Holy Ghost Fire.
This is Paul Cawthon.
I got the Holy Ghost fire and it's burning me I got the Holy Ghost fire burning in me.
Got a Holy Ghost fire and I'm burning down the streets.
I got a sweet little baddie at your own in the caddy with me.
Sweet little baddie.
Sweet little baddie.
I got a sweet little baddie at your own inner caddy baby.
I got a whole lot of product for my Holy Ghost Mama.
She's making sweet eyes for me.
Don't let me down, sweet mama.
Sweet mama, don't let me down.
I'm a no-no-no-sman.
I'm dying to get you in the palm of my hand.
The work in the Hong Kong land.
How about those drums, Riley?
Got them?
But if I filled you in, would you take it to the grave?
Because the secret ain't no secret if you give it all away.
Don't let me down, sweet mama.
Don't let me down.
Don't let me down.
I'm a no-no-no-sman.
I'm dying to get you in the palm of my hand.
Don't let me down, sweet mama.
Don't let me down.
Don't let me down.
Hoping Soon Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
The answer may shock you.
Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
Sometimes I won't.
And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
You have three new voice messages.
A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else.
So great.
Hi, Sui.
Here's a deal.
Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.
Jamain.
I'll take a quarter pot of his cheese and a McFlurry.
Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.
Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
Second rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on YouTube, yeah?