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Music -
Intro: “Drunk Outdoors" - North Mississippi Allstars
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Have you been using like a do you use a toner or anything like that?
Like a facial toner?
No, no, not at all.
Not at all.
You know, when I was young, we used to, my dad would take us over to the funeral parlor.
And, you know, we would do like, you know, and it was sad and everything, but on top of that, we would have a candy or something and try to hide a candy in the coffin of whoever was, you know, being buried or being, you know, deceased, whoever was deceased or being buried.
And a lot of back then, I mean, I think sometimes probably 3 or 4% of the people, you don't know if they were fully dead or not.
You know, you kind of trusted people's family back then.
They said, hey, they're dead.
You know, come on over and, you know, we're going to box them up for God, you know, kind of deal.
And we would try to sneak a candy into the casket.
You know, try to slip a gumdrop in there or slip a gob stopper in there.
Because I guess the way we envisioned it is you would see, you would think, you know, then later on, you know, a week later, you'd be just by yourself relaxing or, you know, spending time with an animal or something, just, you know, or looking around or just doing anything.
And you would think, oh, that God got this person and then he found the candy in there, like a little treat.
You know, like a snack or something like that, you know.
I think we used to envision God kind of opening up the coffin and getting that little snack, being like, oh, yeah, here's one of my soldiers, but also, you know, here's half a handful of good and plenty that somebody snuck in there.
Just different times, you know.
But I know you're a man of the cloth, Riley.
Mao, you ever do any time capsuling?
Any dead body time capsuling or anything like that for God?
You guys do any stuff like that?
Not that I can think of, no.
Can't say.
You ever sinned?
Like, you guys do a time capsule for Christ or anything like that through church?
You guys do a, you know, send a rocket up to God or anything?
Was there any fun stuff like that you did as children?
Not for religious purposes, but I mean, I've done time capsules.
I've done rockets.
My dad's a rocket engineer.
Oh, dang.
Yeah, yeah.
But you ever done it for God?
You guys ever built something for the Lord and just jacked that thing up into the sky?
No, I can't say I have.
Not for the Lord.
I've just done it for fun.
Damn.
Damn.
You living, man.
You living big, Riley Mal.
Yeah, man.
It's the big time.
Let's get into it.
This is North Mississippi All-Stars.
This is North Mississippi All-Stars.
Get that out.
And that right there, that is North Mississippi All-Stars.
And their band, they got a band.
They are a band, actually.
And that's off their album Up and Rolling.
And that's a hit right there that's called Drunk Outdoors.
And you can catch the link in the information for those fellas right there.
And man, I'll admit it.
I'll be the first to admit it.
That winter, you could just feel winter.
You could just feel it.
You could just feel winter.
You know, a little rain came through here earlier.
We're out here in the Central East out here, and a little rain passed through.
Nothing much.
Just God just drooling on top.
Just nothing.
Nothing crazy, you know.
Just the Lord just drooling on us a little.
Nothing heavy.
And right after it, I said, dang, something's happening.
And that's winter, man.
I mean, you could, if you really, if you put your ear up to the ground, you could hear, you know, you could hear winter just slipping summer that GHB.
Just putting a little DR drug in summer's drink, man.
And then zipping up that body bag on summer.
Because it's just that time, man.
It's like no matter what we want to do, you want to do this.
You want to do kickball, volleyball, beach ball.
Hell, if you just want to throw a damn pool ball at somebody.
You know, you want to throw a damn, you know, Stripe 7 or whatever it is.
You want to hum that bastard down the street, hit your friend Curtis in the leg over there off East St. Mary Street and ruin his life.
Even though y'all were just kids and it was an accident.
Whatever you want to do, it doesn't matter.
Because Mother Nature's making her choices.
She's dealing her cards.
And she's Putting things into play, man, and right now she's just slipping that winter into you and just really baiting you with that winter.
And you can hear it, man.
You put your ear up to the grind, you can hear summer just got GHB'd out, and it's a rap over there.
Good to have you guys here, man.
Thanks for being with us today.
And that is the North Mississippi All-Stars.
Again, that is drunk outdoors.
And they included us in that song and some of the chorus there.
And man, we had a lot of drunk outdoors people.
I was in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, probably 48 hours ago.
And shout out to the fella, some fella out there brought me a half pint of fresh squid ink.
The jar was still a little wet on the outside.
And shout out to that guy and the other guy, some fella brought me this special rock, kind of like a rock.
You heat it up in a microwave or something.
And it's got, you know, keeps the devil off your back and helps you with the pulmonary blood flow.
So I appreciate that.
I want to say thank you to both of that fella, the jeweler, and the other guy, the Oceanographer, whatever, the underwater writer, whatever, the guy with the damn ink.
And they gave me hell, man, you bring a fresh thing of squid ink back through TSA.
They don't know how to handle it.
They don't know if you're, you know, just a big fan of the perfect storm or they don't know if, I mean, they just don't, they didn't know what to do.
You know, they really, really didn't know what to do over there.
But I told them just honestly, I said, hey, this is a gift.
Okay, I'm not the kind of fellow that runs around with fresh squid ink.
So, Riley Mouse here.
What'd you get into this weekend, Riley?
Just a few music videos.
Okay.
It's a lot of fun.
Okay.
Yesterday we just did six songs in five hours at a studio down in Laverne, Tennessee.
Okay.
And now you guys are like when you get out there, do you bring your own lunch with you or you eat lunch on site or how do you usually handle mealtime?
I just ate before and then I had down there.
Because you've mentioned you'll forget to eat when you work.
Yep.
All the time.
Luckily this time I didn't.
I ate before I left.
I left, I did the shoot, and then we all went afterwards.
Okay.
Little team outing, huh?
Hell yeah.
Okay.
And now, what's your bedtime usually?
What time are you usually not off in the evening?
Oh, man.
2, 3 in the morning.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
And what's the cause of that?
Is there something you're staying up?
Are you waiting for something?
What happened?
Yeah, so I'm either editing or I go to the gym at like 2 in the morning because that's like the prime time of nobody's there, which is really nice, especially during COVID.
But yeah, that's the main reason, the gym.
And do you get nervous?
Do you have body nerves or something?
What is that?
Do you not want people singing you?
No.
At that hour?
I mean, do you get nervous about your body?
No, it's just the smaller gym, so there's not as much equipment, and so you would have to wait for someone.
Oh, yeah.
And so sometimes I would go out with my roommates, and we would go at like 5 p.m.
Because that's the only time we can go because they closed earlier or whatever, like on the weekends.
But yeah, it's just too crowded.
There's not a lot of space.
So that's why I like going at night when there's nobody there.
Yeah, I remember I used to go to the gym.
You had to bring the barbells with you.
And we'd get in my buddy's car, and he'd have probably about 360 pounds of barbells in his car.
And then the bottom of his car actually ended up rotting out because of the weight and also because of rust.
He had some rust issues with the vehicle.
But anyway, man, what else is going on?
Not too much, really.
You know, just kind of adapting.
Went over there to Cedar Rapids.
And now that, if you guys aren't familiar, Cedar Rapids has been devastated by something called a Derecho.
And that is a Mexican land hurricane.
And the real, the crazy part is, is that, you know, for all of the yard and outdoor kind of outdoor finessing that a lot of Latino and specifically Mexican people do,
it's crazy that then a Mexican storm would come and just ruin really a lot of the efforts and hard work.
I mean, you know, we rode across town before the storm and before the show, and they had, I mean, you'd see a tree everywhere.
Everybody had an extra tree in their yard, but it wasn't theirs.
It had come from somewhere else.
Displaced trees.
You had somebody, you know, you'd have woodpeckers just flying around.
Didn't know what to do.
You had woodpeckers just kind of like, oh, you know, have their wings up in there like that.
Don't know what's going on.
Because trees had been just, I mean, misplaced, displaced, M-I-A.
I bought a carton of milk on the side.
There was a picture of a tree on it.
People hadn't seen it.
You know, it just, just a lot going on over there.
And it just really devastated a lot of the town, a lot of the city.
So.
Oh, sorry.
That's my alarm I set.
Um...
So that was interesting, man.
But then we got out there, man, and we put it together out at the amphitheater.
I mean, and they had it set up beautiful.
You know, this is an amphitheater.
And an amphitheater, basically, it's, I mean, this, it was just, I mean, right on the river.
The river's right there.
And it probably had maybe 1,100 people came out and just a real, I mean, it was just a good time.
It was a perfect night for it.
And, you know, it just felt good.
People to get out.
People had driven in.
You know, I met a Mexican kid actually from Georgia.
He driven in, and he had a southern accent, like a red Mexican or something they call him, you know.
And I'd never seen it before.
And I kept making him talk, and we even tickled him a little to hear him giggle, you know, in kind of like a pseudo kind of, you know, kind of Georgia Spanish kind of, you know, because you don't see it.
You don't see a lot of that.
Do you see a lot of cross-racial stuff going on amongst your friends?
You guys have any, you have any, you know, a black friend that sounds Swedish or a Southern kid that has like a Mexican accent?
You guys seen a lot of that, Rally?
Not that extreme, but I have friends or I have seen people that are either like, for example, they're Asian, but they have British accents.
Oh, yeah.
I see that all the time, actually.
Trickery, where do you see that at?
What do you mean?
Like, where do you see it?
Are you in part of a club or a group?
Is this a meetup?
Yeah, I mean, I see it like I sometimes hear people, like when I'm walking down Broadway, and I just look over, and it's an Asian dude, and he's just, you know, talking British.
And do you believe him?
Yeah.
Yeah, because like he's not like joking around.
He's just talking to his friends.
And like, I don't know, one point he was talking about his family or something.
So I was like, okay, that's like his voice.
Same thing with the guy that I watch on YouTube named Kai.
Kai W. That's his either channel name.
And he does all these tech reviews.
A black guy?
No, he's Asian.
Okay.
But I didn't know he was Asian.
Because there's black Asian now.
You'll see Dark Asian out there.
Oh, right.
Yeah, I would see that.
It's crazy.
I mean, it's just you can't even.
If you want to be racist still, it's hard.
Right.
You got to have, I mean, you got to almost do, you got to, you got to breed up on stuff.
Exactly.
You can't even be.
You know, when I was young, at least you could just be racist, you know?
It was easy.
It was organized.
It was, you know, boom, boom, boom, no, no, no, you know?
Right.
But then now it's like, yeah, you got, you know, you got the Vietnam English.
You know, you don't know what this guy's going to do.
Right.
You know what I'm saying?
He's blowing, you know, he's playing a flute and they got the basket with a snake and the snake is named Winston Churchill.
Like, you just don't know.
Everything's mixed up.
You know, you got the Japanese.
And, you know, you got a guy who's Swedish and Japanese.
You know, you got a guy from Alabama, you know, who's also 100% German.
And this guy's Alaburman.
It just doesn't end.
It just, it's getting, the waters are getting muddied.
Right.
You know?
I mean, you can't even do a hate crime anymore, really, unless you have, I mean, you got to have, you almost have to have the Ancestry 23 paperwork.
You got to have, you got to call somebody's grandparents.
You got to just get so much confirmation, it's not even worth the gas money you're going to spend to drive across town and burn down somebody's front porch or whatever.
It's just different times, man.
We had a lot of nice calls that came in, though, man.
Let me hit this hotline real quick.
985-664-9503 is the hotline.
And just people calling in and just sharing a lot of different thoughts as we've migrated into this new territory over here in the Central East, gang.
Yeah, what up, dude?
I just wanted to say I respect you a lot.
I know how it is to relocate and put a lot on the line just because of an idea.
And that's how you get anything done.
It all starts with an idea.
And I know it's probably really uncomfortable right now being out of your comfort zone and being new to Nashville.
But I just want to let you know that you are on the forefront of starting something really cool outside of Los Angeles.
Well, thanks, man.
I appreciate it.
You know, it's, you know, I definitely had a week where I was real scared, actually.
Like, what am I doing?
And that was actually last week.
You know, just what am I doing?
And I realized part of it was I wasn't really making as much effort.
You know, not only do I need to go somewhere, not only do I have to try to get work going, but then also I need to be active.
You know, I need to actively be trying to bring joy into my life each day.
And so that's one thing that, you know, I got back from Cedar Rapids yesterday, and that's one thing I've just been trying to do since I've gotten back.
And it's just one of my goals now.
It's like, well, how do I, you know, how do I really, I want to be able to say I gave that I've given, sorry if I'm doing some belches because I've had a zero calorie soda.
But I want to be able to say I've given this my best foot forward.
You know, that's what I want to be able to say.
And so, you know, I got in last night.
I was feeling kind of a little bit bummed out.
I said, you know what?
I'm going to make myself a spaghetti dinner.
You know, do this, grill up, you know, boil the noodles and then grill them.
I do grilled spaghetti.
That's how I do it.
A lot of people do this old-fashioned, just straight-up wet shit.
Dude, F you is all, son.
I'm grilling a spag, dog.
That's how I do it.
You know, I get the needles good, then I grill them up.
Hit them with the meat sauce.
And so I made myself some spaghettis, did some running, did some yoga after.
And now I'm just back and then just decided, you know what, I'm going to go to bed at a decent hour.
And I read, I did a little bit of reading.
I'm just, you know, I'm going to try to like actually say, hey, man, do some things to make to take care of yourself.
You know, I think that will help make being in a new place easier no matter where it is.
And I read a book, too.
I'm reading it actually.
It's not fully read.
But this book is partially read by me so far.
And a book by Mike Lindell.
You heard of this fellow, Riley Mao?
I have not.
You read a lot?
Sometimes it depends.
Depends what I read.
Sound like you don't read that much, but I'll tell you right now about this book.
This book by Mike Lindell is My Pillow.
You ever heard of My Pillows?
The TV commercial, My Pillows?
Yeah.
Yeah.
So the man was doing crack.
The man was a crack addict.
For at least 190 pages of the book, he's smoking crack.
You can almost smell the crack.
It would almost be cool if they had put a scratch and sniff on the page where you could smell a crack a little.
Because I've never smoked crack, to be honest with you, but I always wish that I had.
But anyway, throughout the book, he's smoking crack, and he's doing this and that, and he's struggling.
And, man, it's a fascinating story.
The story is fascinating.
I mean, people I know sometimes on Twitter give the guy a hard time.
You know, he's a pretty devout Republican, and he's, well, I don't know what else he is.
I mean, I think he's a Vikings fan.
But the man was smoking crack and then made one of the most successful pillows of all time.
You know, name another.
Can you name another pillow, Riley?
Yeah, the, what do you call it?
Why can't I think of it, though?
You can't think of it because you can't think of it, dude.
And that's why.
Therapy, therapeutic.
No.
No?
Nope.
That's a mattress.
You're talking tempored.
Yeah, you're right.
Yep.
Pillow is just for your head.
Mattress is for your body.
Right.
And so what I'm telling you about is this man was smoking crack and then he made one of the most successful pillows of all time.
And that doesn't happen on accident.
That doesn't happen on accident.
If you're smoking crack for 20, 30, 40 years, the odds of you making one of the most successful pillows of all time is very small.
And so what I'm saying is, man, and I appreciate the call.
And what I'm saying is just like, yeah, it's hard to, you know, sometimes you got to take that chance.
But not only that, you got to put your best foot forward.
And so I feel like we're trying something new out here.
But at the same time, we're also trying to put our best foot forward.
But thank you for that call, man, for the good fortune.
I'm fortunate to have people that just care how I'm doing.
You know, a lot of calls came into the hotline this week of just people just, hey, man, how's it going over there?
What's going on?
You know, people offering suggestions and things like that.
I got to ask you, are you thinking about home warranty coverage?
Well, with an American home shield plan, you're prepared when stuff breaks down in your home.
If something breaks in your home, do you have any clue what to do right now, Riley Mao?
All right.
So what I'm talking about is the not so easy to fix, sometimes pretty expensive stuff, like your refrigerator, heating, and air conditioning, plumbing, and electrical.
And believe me, when it happens, not if, you're really going to be glad you have a plan in place.
To see what American Home Shield covers and save $50 off any plan, go to ahs.com slash tho.
Be sure with the shield.
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All right, let's take this call right here.
What's up, Theo?
This is Luke calling from the southern Indiana rural area.
Luke!
I think you're going to like living along the I-65.
You know, you can go all the way up to Chicago, go down to the beach.
Well, I appreciate you saying that.
Also, I would like to say anybody who I love you, Luke, but also anybody who references you're going to love living along a certain interstate is 95 out of 97 times a serial killer.
I think that's safe To say, I think that's safe to say.
You know anybody that's been serial killed, Riley?
I don't.
No.
Well, live a little, brother.
I have two friends who have family members who have been victims of serial killers, or SKs, they call them.
Let's hear more, Luke.
But, you know, there's a lot of people calling in about getting sober and then just having a void there.
And I think Riley would agree with me that that void could be filled in a church community.
Nashville is full of a bunch of really great churches.
I've been down there and a few churches.
And, you know, even I know you've been to church before.
And even if you're not religious, you know, I think there's a lot of good people there.
Amen, brother.
I appreciate that suggestion.
And there's a ton of churches here.
I've made a bunch of U-turns usually in church parking lots because they're empty a lot of times and you can and they're everywhere.
So especially here out here in the Central East, you'll see that sort of deal.
You know, a U-turn is popularly done in a church parking lot, which isn't bad either because you kind of zip through, you know, you get in there, get a little, you know, get that quick hit of the Lord in your brain, and then you're back out on your route.
But I appreciate that, man.
You know, I love churches.
You know, I love, you know, I love the camaraderie.
When I was growing up, my dad used to take us over there to the Presbyterian church, and he would put his business cards in the damn basket that went around.
You know, the Dollars for God basket.
He'd throw his business card in there.
He always thought they were drawing for free lunch.
So he'd throw a couple business cards in there.
And he didn't even have any business.
My dad didn't even have a business.
His business card had his name on it and his phone number.
So I mean, I guess that's business.
I don't know.
This was back when, you know, in these times, if you were even a man, you were considered doing business.
Just by the simple fact of being male, you were considered a businessman.
Oh, he does business, that fella.
Look at him.
The guy with the beard, with the wiener.
Oh, that means business.
And so I get he would throw the card in the church in the money basket.
I don't know what he thought.
But he never won a lunch or anything like that.
But I used to love it.
You know, I used to love also going to the church and doing the Easter egg hunt.
And my brother was fast and he had dark skin.
And people would say, oh, look at that.
Look at that little Puerto Rican fella getting all the eggs.
But it was different times, man.
Riley Mao, I know you have Japanese roots.
Eggs are sacred in Japanese.
Don't you guys have Fabergé eggs?
And, you know, a lot of times a certain, I'll see a designed egg.
Honestly, I don't even know what that is.
I've never seen one.
Yeah.
Wow.
I have no idea what you're talking about.
Wow.
I'm sorry.
That's all right, man.
Why know your history?
That's the thing about kids nowadays.
They don't need to know their history.
Who cares?
How'd you get here?
I don't know.
Space shuttle.
Who's your dad?
Elon Musk.
It doesn't matter.
Every kid thinks they was born in a Tesla.
You know, their baby crib is Tesla baby.
They don't even know.
They power down at 2 a.m.
They don't need lunch.
Are these people human anymore?
That's my big question.
Sorry to put that on you, Riley, but.
No, totally fine.
But you got to know that number one, you know, when I was young, a lot of times we would learn about different cultures in school, you know, and not that often.
But every now and then they have us make a Faberge egg.
And it's a special type of Asian egg where they draw the history of Asia on the outside of it.
So you'll see a fellow on a cruise, you know, on a ship or on a, you know, you'll see somebody doing, you know, hitting somebody with a sword or somebody at a temple, you know, just history.
And they put it on the egg.
Let's take another call that came in here.
Thanks for the good wishes, though, man.
And I do think, you know, there's a lot to be found at church, actually.
And actually, Riley, you might know, do you have a, you know, is there a special memory you have from church as a child, you know?
Man, I've got many.
Like I said in one of the previous episodes, my home church is Eastside Christian Church.
Okay.
It's a big mega church.
And like our worship is just amazing.
Our Christmas services are super spectacular.
They're so unique.
Do you have real animals in them?
No.
Unfortunately not.
We're not one of those kind of churches yet, at least.
I don't know if they have.
I don't know if they ever will, but I don't think they will.
Yeah.
I've been to one.
I bought tickets to the one out there in California had real animals at it.
Dang.
Real animals.
Real elephant.
Real giraffe, baby.
Coming right down the aisle.
Wow.
Yeah, pretty crazy.
Yeah.
They had a camel actually that defecated on the stage and then it got sick and they had to suspend one of the services.
Anyway, tell me more about what you were saying.
Yeah.
What's a specific memory, something you enjoyed?
I would say definitely all the Christmas services because they're not just our normal Christmas or our normal services or normal any Christmas services that you see anywhere else.
Like we've got snow coming from the ceiling.
We go all out.
But there's always this one tradition where at the end, we always sing Silent Night together three times.
Oh, three time in a row?
Three times in a row.
Yep.
You can't forget it.
Exactly.
See, when I was young, they sang it one time and you knew it.
And that's the difference now.
you got to sing Silent Night three times for the youngsters.
That's just...
If you wanted to have it...
if you want to have a real sentimental imprint, you just got to hit them hard.
You got to hit them hard.
Y'all do the egg hunts over there for Easter?
Yeah.
No.
Well, are you talking about church or like just in general?
Church.
Church, no.
Okay.
Well, could be a good church, could not be a good church.
I'm not saying anything about Eastside, man.
You know, they sound like a great outfit.
But, you know, hide an egg.
Hide an egg if you want to keep the kids involved.
That's what that was a motto by our church.
All right, let's hear one more call that came in, man.
Hey, Theo, this is Ben Smith out of Arkansas.
Ben Smith, thank you for calling, brother.
I appreciate it, man.
And Arkansas is a good place.
A lot of geodes up there and geodes.
Or geodes.
I'm not even sure how you pronounce that.
Geods.
Geod.
Homeward.
Just poured the morning coffee.
It's Tuesday morning.
About to head into work.
Have some quiet time first.
Man, I just wanted to say, congrats on moving to the central part of the country.
It's a good place.
I'm excited for you to experience fall in Tennessee, man.
We're almost there.
It's just get cool weather.
All the leaves are going to change colors.
Everybody's favorite time of year, yes.
Hey, man, I just wanted to say also, you know, moving to a new spot is hard.
I've moved around a bunch.
It's just some weird places.
I got to live in Central America for a while.
I lived out in Arizona.
Well, I'm going to jump out on a limb here, man.
But if you're living in Central America and Arizona, it sounds like you're trying to be Mexican or Spanish or Latino.
So I don't want to check in, you know, I don't want to body check you up in the coat of arms, but you might want to look at your roots and make sure what's going on is what's going on.
Because it sounds like you might be, maybe you were adopted.
You know, I don't just get called to a certain area.
You know, if I find myself hanging out in Cameroon or Nigeria, after a while, I'm going to start wondering, you know, who my real father is, brother.
Onward.
Moved around a little bit.
And, man, you know, it's hard being somewhere for a while at first.
You know, it takes a while to get into that rhythm.
So hang in there, dude.
And know that this is like probably the hardest part of moving to new places is the time you're in right now.
Well, thanks, man.
It's nice of you to say that.
Yeah, I think some of it is.
You know, I find myself at night.
That's when I get because you have more free time here.
You know, in Los Angeles, you know, a lot of your time is spent in traffic or, you know, or just crying in your car.
You know, there's just a lot of separation between things.
There's no parking when you get somewhere.
So you have to park a block away.
And, you know, it just, there's a lot of barriers between you and comfort.
And I'm not judging the place.
I'm not saying that, look, man, when I went home last week for three days, I went to the beach and I loved it.
I mean, I loved every second of it.
You know, I don't know if I've ever felt closer to God in my life than just laying out there after having just got out the water and just laying out in the sun out there.
You know, just laying face down in the sand, you know.
I mean, I was at peace, you know.
Something lady even thought I was a deceased body came up and pushed my body.
Thought I was deceased.
So I don't know how many closer to God you can get than being, then people thinking you're deceased, you know.
I mean, hell, my brother would have hit a damn mint under my body.
But I do notice you have more time in a place like Nashville.
You have more time.
It's just easier to get around.
Things are quicker and faster.
And you get more time.
So I find myself around 8 to 8 at night.
I'm like, ah, what do I do?
You know, I have a couple friends here through AA program.
And so they don't, you know, they ain't doing nothing.
They trying not to masturbate or trying not to drink, you know.
So we're not all like, oh, let's go meet up at this joint.
So just kind of like trying to find things to do.
So that's kind of the toughest moments.
You know, my toughest thing was last week I was struggling with masturbation really the past two weeks.
I also tried testosterone replacement.
I tried testosterone replacement and I mean it just makes you just I mean it just it just gives you so much virility.
I mean it'll make your penis reach for a damn deck of cards.
I mean it just you're so it just I mean it just brings your body to life.
And so suddenly you're more, you know, you'll just be doing nothing and your penis will jump into your own hand.
It's just more, it's not that good.
So I don't think I'm going to take it anymore.
It makes your hair thinner.
You know, I didn't like that.
I find extra hair sitting around and I need my hair.
You know, I definitely like having hair.
So that's really strange.
And what else about it?
Oh, you also, they have, it's injection based.
It's injection based, you know.
And I used to do steroids when I was young.
You know, we used to shoot, you know, a lot of people know me and my buddy Billy Conforto, R.I.P.
And he died, and he was one of the premier bus boys in America.
Also, probably one of the top, I would say, 40 gay prize fighters or gay boxers, fist fighters in, I would say, in the 1990s.
In America.
Maybe in the world.
I would say in the world.
Top 40 homo erotic fist fighters in, I would say in first world countries.
I don't know, second world.
You get into a second world country, bro.
You get down there in Ecuador, bro, and a gay dude will beat the hell out of you, bro.
It's nothing.
That's casual.
That's dancing.
That's dancing for them.
But what was I talking about?
Man, I don't even know, dude.
Oh, so yeah, you also have to take this other drug with it.
They have a drug also that, because if you take testosterone, it will, it makes your gonads.
They call them gonads on the internet, but really it's your nuts.
And it makes them smaller.
And so you take another drug that makes your basically makes your gonads regular size.
It's kind of like a fluffer.
It's like a...
It's like that.
Just like that, man.
But anyway, I'm just real.
I just don't think it's for me.
So I, so I'm going to quit taking it.
You know, I've tried it out.
It's been about a month, maybe, six weeks.
And I just don't.
I think the hair, I don't want to lose my hair.
And I don't know.
I don't know if I notice a lot of other benefits and stuff from it, really.
So, and then if you take the secondary drug that they have, whenever you take that, it makes your kind of makes your nuts feel like somebody hid something in them.
It makes your nuts feel like somebody just blew all their breath, like somebody just like blew one mouthful of breath right into them.
It's like you got this kind of, you know, it's like you got this.
It's like a flow.
It's just like somebody just puffed your nuts up a little.
So I don't like that feeling.
It's like you're high.
It's like somebody hit an Easter egg right in your crotch or something, in your nuts.
And that makes me feel uncomfortable.
I don't like that feeling.
It just feels fake.
So anyway, so that's my experience with it.
You know, and it's not, and you get it.
There's different ways you can get the testosterone replacement.
It's for sale everywhere now.
And so I wanted to try it out.
And the injection part is a little weird.
Like, I don't trip out on it that much because I did it when I was young, you know, the bodybuild.
So it's just a low dose.
But it does make me feel, you know, uncomfortable, I feel like.
And just the upkeep of it and stuff, I just don't feel like it's for me.
That's kind of the conclusion that I've come to.
So, but yeah, man, I think if I find a good church, I think that that's a good idea.
You know, so I appreciate that, man.
What else was I talking about?
You ever done any injectable drugs, Raleigh Mao?
I mean, unless it's for surgery.
The, what do you call it?
The thing that makes you go to sleep for surgery.
Other than that, no.
Anesthesia, you mean?
Yeah, that.
Okay.
That's the thing.
But you've never just, you know, you and your buddy, you know, never pulled off the interstate and done steroids or anything like that.
Nope.
Unfortunately not.
Well.
No, I'm not one of those guys.
I'm like, you know, the calm, innocent kind.
Yeah, I don't do any of those drugs.
I don't do any of those injections or whatever.
I mean, you know me.
I don't know you.
But I'm learning that, yeah, that is not your vice.
Right.
What would you say would you feel like is a vice?
If people say, oh, Riley Mao, say at your funeral.
Okay, we're at your funeral.
And people are like, oh, Riley Mao, man, he's a great guy.
You know, he was an Eagle Scout.
He was a Christian.
You know, he was a karate belt.
He had a karate belt.
He skipped lunch sometimes.
He worked so hard.
And what would they say?
But also, one of his vices was he did this.
What would it be, you think?
Man, I don't know.
Well, I guess people would say that I'm more the quiet kind of guy until you really get to know me.
And then I'm just like obnoxious.
Like you will.
You will regret wanting to get to know me because I'm so obnoxious towards them and I like talking a lot.
Other than that.
Wow.
Yeah, I'm a pretty quiet dude other than that.
Yeah.
All right, man.
That's something.
People called, actually.
We had a couple calls that came in here.
Let me see what this fella said right here.
This is Wyatt out in Nebraska.
What's up, Wyatt from Nebraska, man?
Thank you for calling, brother, and thank you for listening to this podcast.
I wanted to give you a little Riley review.
To be honest, I didn't think it was going to work out very well.
This kid is 22, seems to be a little young to be on a platform so big, doesn't deserve it.
Doesn't he have a relatives?
I didn't know what was going on.
There's some dead hair.
It's hard to pull answers out of them.
It's really awkward.
I'm just going to give him a second chance of listening to your show right now, the second episode with him on there.
And it's almost brilliant to have that type of feeling in the air.
It's just awkward.
It's almost like part of the act.
Even though it might not meant to be.
It's funny as hell.
And then your boy was telling me that he is Asian and a black belt.
So that's a win-win.
Now I'm.
But that's easy also.
Let's don't act like that's not y'all's sport, be honest.
Right.
Had him back on his side.
I'm on the fence.
I don't know.
But you're going to need someone smart to do all those editing anyway, especially one that doesn't get out of that pocket.
So there you go.
That guy had some thoughts on you, Raleigh.
And I'm not playing those as any judgment.
I just wanted to let you know that people, there was a call.
Let me see.
I felt like there was another call, but I do not see it in here.
So have you felt from being on the podcast?
I love being on the podcast.
You do?
Yeah, it's a lot of fun.
Okay, man.
Well, good, man.
You know, we just want you to feel comfortable here.
And, you know, I mean, just like life, it's always like, you know, we kind of talked about it.
It's like a learner.
You know, it's just we learn as we go and we don't really know what it's going to be like, you know?
Right.
So, but I'm glad that you came back today, man.
Thanks for having me back.
Yeah, you bet, man.
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All right, we got a call came in from a fella right here who probably has some problem.
Let's hear it.
Hey, Theo, this is Dennis calling out of Callahan, Florida.
Big Dennis out there in Callahan.
Big Dennis, let's hear it.
And I was at work, and I just got stung by a bee in the neck.
And I'm fucking livid, but I just want to express that to get that off my chest, man.
I'm really pissed.
Okay.
Well, look, man, I'm sorry to hear that, man.
I know that it's, you know, a bee don't know nothing.
A bee is like a blind guy with a damn hatchet.
You know, he don't know you from Adam, bro.
You know, he'll sting his fucking stepmother if you give him half a dollar.
Like, a bee don't give a damn.
If you crack open a bee, there ain't a damn in that thing.
We had a fellow, actually, when I was growing up, we used to go to summer camp.
I think it was summer camp.
I don't know.
They didn't do anything, really.
They kept us in a damn pavilion out at the park, and it was hot as could be.
And everybody had Kool-Aid mustaches, and everybody had to bring their own lunch.
And your lunch, your Kool-Aid would spill in your lunch thing, and it would get all wet, and you had to eat it anyway.
So if you haven't had a raspberry Kool-Aid grilled cheese sandwich, then we might not know each other.
But one thing, they had a fella out there who was a groundskeeper.
And a groundskeeper basically is somebody that's homeless, but also, you know, kind of hangs out in one specific area.
And this fella, B.I., they call him, he had a glass eye or some type of textile eye.
You know, this fella had something happen.
You know what I'm saying?
He lost one of them bad sight balls and somebody, you know, hooked him up with that replica.
And he would get bees.
There were bees everywhere.
Bees on every.
There was bees on everything.
Bees on every trash can had a thousand bees on it.
And he would take a bee and he would sting right into his own eye with it.
And it would freak the kids out because we've never seen it.
And then here you go.
He's doing it.
And he would just get a bee and just sting.
And the kids, if it was a new kid or somebody that was coming to camp for a week, because it was YMCA summer camp.
So every week is when you get a new kid in.
And sometime it, you know, some fella or some little lady come in there.
Sometimes they get the little squirrely kid with the real pale skin, a couple freckles, kind of some dark freckles, curly hair, creeping everybody out.
You know, real kind of vein, you know, like real veiny eyes.
He always had that one little fella creeping people.
And my friend Daniel, actually, this little fella with grown-up bus, we had this miscreant fella, Riley Mal named Daniel.
And he would do cigarettes, man, or do, you know, he super glued his own mouth closed once.
And it just, whole neighborhood was furious, man.
And when they finally got it open, he laughed at everybody.
Dang it.
So we had people like that.
You know, we had real miscreants, dude.
We had a fella drank a little bit of ethanol.
This kid named Todd, man.
And he looked like, he really looked like shit, but he looked like shit before he drank it.
So.
But anyway, what was I talking about, man?
Todd?
No, no, no, no.
Before that, man.
Daniel?
No, before that.
Oh.
Bees, baby.
Mother Nature's freaking pitchforkers, dog.
And this fellow would just sting his own eye with them.
Just take him and just sting right into his own eye.
Because he had a, not a homemade eye, but semi-homemade.
You know, to step up from homemade.
Like maybe they'd made it in home ech.
So he had that, you know, he had that home ech eye and he would just, and if you didn't know, the new kids didn't know.
So every time after lunch, he'd get a kid over there and get a live bee and sting his own eye with it.
Jeez.
You have any unique individuals or role models like that growing up, Riley?
Oh, man.
As far as the, like, I don't think I can go that far as like bee singing in your own eye.
Other than that, no, I mean, I've had, like, you know, there's like those special kids that are like, you know, in special ed.
And, you know, I have a few friends in that, too.
I have a few blind friends that are like super good at, you know, audio, at audio engineering at my school.
It's crazy.
Listeners, huh?
Big listeners.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, they're like the best students there.
We had a guy like that, too.
They call him the big listener.
And he was blind or something was wrong with him.
He said he couldn't see.
And people believed him.
Right.
And he could hear.
He was that freaking, that's that listener.
You know, he was just damn Christopher Columbus on the listener ship, man.
He was just.
And we had a blind kid that could play kickball real well.
And he could hear the ball rolling, feel it on the ground.
And kick it.
Just the damn Willie Nelson of kickball.
Just the real...
This fella.
Oh, fat leg.
He had a fat leg on him, too.
A lot of blind people are fat in the legs.
What else we got here, man?
We got a young fella right here hit the hotline, man.
Let's hear it.
Here we go.
Hey, Theo, this is Will.
I called about a year ago.
My daughter Eliana was born.
Oh, man.
Congratulations on that one-year-old you got now, man.
That's a beautiful treat, man.
My buddy just had a kid about maybe nine weeks ago or something.
And he sent me a picture of it, and it looked like a damn little ghost.
A little scared little fella, but still beautiful, man.
Amen.
Let's hear it.
Appreciate that, by the way, having me on the show.
I just wanted to kind of ask your thoughts about the crystal situation because I heard you and Bobby talking about that last week.
And I was thinking to myself, if one of my buddies got into some deep stuff, some trouble, and he said, like, hey, I didn't do that, so it's me.
Like, I don't want to back.
Obviously, the Chris Talia situation is pretty steep, deeper than that.
But, I mean, you even said, like, like, people were mad about him talking to a 22-year-old.
I don't know much about it, to be honest.
That's not the base fact.
So.
I don't know, man.
Do you ever feel bad about not backing him?
Well, I appreciate your question, man.
I mean, there's, you know, and yeah, me and Bobby were talking about this the other day on the episode.
And I think I back Chris.
You know, like, I check in with him.
You know, I probably should check in with him again.
You know, Chris doesn't communicate a ton with me.
We never have communicated like a great deal.
Like, our friendship, you know, we haven't had like a deep, deep friendship.
I think he's one of the funniest guys that I know.
So I don't know the extent of everything that's gone on either.
You know, I don't know the extent.
Do I believe everything that do I believe that the articles that people have written, like a lot of it seems like hit pieces to me, you know?
But also, I don't know everything about it.
You know, I feel like it's really tough, you know, because people do everything now for clickbait.
It's really tough.
But I do know that, you know, that it's tough for a lot of his friends and a lot of his associates and coworkers to know what to say or do because he hasn't really said much.
So I think in a weird way, we're all kind of waiting, not waiting to hear from him.
I mean, and he did say his piece.
There was an article that he had, or that was about his side of the story and his thoughts on it.
And, you know, I don't know.
I don't know if there's like legal stuff that he's facing.
I don't know.
And some of it, it's interesting because it's like, it's not my, you know, like, it's not my responsibility to, or it's none of my business to bother him about any of that.
You know, I check in and say, hey, you know, how are you doing?
You know, thinking of you.
I don't look at, I mean, the media often looks at people as one-dimensional.
Oh, they're just this.
Or that's how it seems a lot of times.
But I mean, I support, you know, I support my friends as much as I, you know, I love them.
You know, I want him to be able to work.
I'm grateful that he has a family right now, that he has a wife and kid, and that he has people that are close to him to support him and people to keep him hopeful and excited.
You know, I don't know.
I don't know what a lot of his behaviors were.
Like, really no.
You know, I don't know.
I don't go, you know, I'm so it's like, you know, yeah, I have their back.
I have my friend's back.
I mean, a lot of everything we do, you don't see it on podcasts.
You don't always hear about it.
There's also a lot of like, a lot of guys are afraid and a lot of people are afraid, I think, just of, you know, of a lot, of just, you know, are they going to be written an article about next, even if some of the stuff doesn't even have any validity.
You know, it's scary.
It makes me feel uncomfortable.
It makes me feel scared to even talk about, like, I have to watch my words.
Because there's people out there that want to take people's livelihood away.
But then also, if people did something that is illegal, then I feel like that they should be held accountable for it.
But also, I don't feel like people that if they did something illegal, that that damns them as someone that I should care about or that there's not more to them as a person.
I mean, dude, we're all like just messed up creatures trying to freaking balance right between the sand and the water.
So, you know, it's tricky out there.
It's tricky out there.
It's tricky in here.
It's tricky inside of ourselves, man.
It's tricky everywhere.
But when people say you didn't back him, what does backing someone look like?
I mean, I've let him know that I love him.
I've let him know that, you know, I'm here for him.
I've let him know that if he feels like he has an issue with anything, that he's welcome to, you know, I go to different meetings for all types of stuff.
So he's welcome to come with me anytime he wants to.
But I appreciate the reminder.
You know, maybe I should check in with him again and just, you know, remind him that people think about him, you know, that people care about him.
You know, I texted Callan the other day and told him, you know, to keep his head up.
Just as I would text any of my friends or communicate with any of my friends who have something bad happened to them.
You know, just as I'm sure the accusers are the victims of the alleged incidents, their friends are supporting them.
You know, it's, I don't know.
I'm just human, man.
I don't know.
But anyway, man, let's get another call or two that came in, man.
I want to thank everybody that came out about the Cedar Rapid.
You know, I want to thank everybody that came out for the Cedar Rapids show.
And let's get those calls right now.
Hey, D.O., it's your boy Daniel again out of Northeast Arkansas.
What's up, Big Daniel?
Out of Northeast Arkansas.
You ever been there, Riley?
I've not.
Well, actually, what is Northeast Arkansas?
Like, what cities?
Man.
Let's hear more.
I don't, not the hot host hitter, but man, just letting you know, be driving up there Saturday, some city in Cedar Rapids, as long as my wife doesn't kill me while we drive for seven hours.
But man, just let you know, along with helping people dealing with addictions and everything, he also helped us who only had a mother's own up and wasn't very close to it.
A while back, let me see, he said how your mom had to be your disciplinary figure and your comfort person.
Man, just that comment opened up a slew of emotions I didn't even know I had just from realizing that.
Anyway, I was able to put my relationship back together with my mom.
You know, we were a lot stronger now.
Thanks, man.
Thanks for the nice call, man.
I hope you guys enjoyed the show.
Yeah, seven hours with your wife in a car.
That's really, I mean, that should be a dang game show, I feel like.
That should be really a dirty game show.
But, yeah, man, well, I appreciate you saying that, man.
You know, my mother actually went to, it's almost just funny and full circle.
My mother went to college over there in Cedar Rapids.
And she met her first husband over there.
And, but, yeah, it's funny, man.
You know, it's interesting when a kid, you know, when you just have the single parent, when you just have the mom, and I didn't realize it till I was older.
I just looked at my mom.
It's like, you start to, I think not having a dad around, in a weird way, you hold that against your mother.
I mean, you just hold it against whoever's the remaining parent.
So I think if you just have a dad, or I did, I don't know if people do, but then suddenly, you know, yeah, your mother has two roles.
And I don't even know if our moms realize it at the time.
That suddenly they're the mother and the father.
And it's just so much, man.
There's so much that goes into all of it.
But yeah, I was holding, probably, I was probably have always been, I probably held, I was holding, I was holding or maybe still hold things against my mother that maybe were a father's responsibility.
And that's why sometimes I get hung up on like, yeah, I like the two-parent system, man.
It's, you know, it just because I know what it feels like not to have it.
That's why some people, you know, they get all political about it.
Well, you don't like, you don't think two women can raise a care or two men can raise it.
I don't know about all of that.
Or I can just, you know, get my eggs fertilized at the chemical plant or whatever, and I can have a family.
Yeah, I think all those things are great things, and it's okay, but, you know, I just, the only thing I know is that when you don't have that, you there's just part of you sometimes that just doesn't develop or something.
I don't know, man.
And sometimes it's easier for me to think about these things and sometimes it's harder for me to think about them and feel them.
Because thinking about stuff doesn't get me anywhere, man.
I really have to feel it.
Like, I have to, like, try and take myself back to the place of when I was a kid and what did it feel like, you know?
And how, you know, like, and think of myself and looking at my mother and like, did I look at, did I think of her as, you know, I have to try and navigate those feelings and really see where I land sometimes.
But...
Um...
But yeah, man, life is just, man, there's just so many, there's so much going on.
And I'm not trying to be a downer or anything, man.
I appreciate the nice words.
And then in the end of it all, it's like, what am I, I can't still, what am I still going to hold grudges from, you know, it just doesn't do me any good.
So as much as in some places me, I feel empty, if I pin my emptiness on somebody else as their fault, then it's just really just, it's just creating, it's just create, it's letting that emptiness still create more negativity.
And as much as it hurts to have to just deal with it myself and to patch it up, sometimes it's just like that's the only real solution.
Because, man, yeah, sometimes I still want to blame.
I get, you know, I just want to blame.
But usually those feelings go away pretty quick.
Or there's moments where I feel that way.
But anyway, man, thanks for bringing that up.
You know, and yeah, I hope your wife didn't kill you.
And I hope you guys had a good time at the show.
Let's take one more call here.
Here we go.
Hi, Theo.
My name's Kristen, and I just got home from your show in Cedar Rapids.
Me and two of my family members drove out there from Chicago.
And I just wanted to thank you for the laughs.
It was a really good night.
We had a family member pass away earlier this month, and it was nice to just get out there and take a break from reality.
So just wanted to thank you, and we love you.
And gang, gang, thank you so much.
Gang, mama.
Thank you.
Thank you for that nice message.
I'm glad you guys made the trip.
You know, that's a three-hour trip right there or something.
Two-hour.
And you made it.
And yeah, man, we put a lot of laughter up into the sky out there.
That's one nice thing about being outdoors.
That laughter can hit the air, baby.
That's airbound.
That's free.
That's no walls caging up the vibes.
And we let it hit the air, son.
I mean, we were using profanity.
They could hear it three buildings down.
They could hear it a block and a half away.
And we lit it up.
So I'm sorry to hear about that.
I'm sorry to hear that you guys lost somebody that you loved.
But it's powerful to hear that you guys, you know, took their spirit with you and took it out and did something nice, you know.
I'm glad, you know.
Yeah, sometimes I think, you know, that the laughter, it just hits the air and it goes right on up to heaven, man.
And that's all they hear up there.
That's the only thing they're allowed to hear up in heaven is just laughter.
So that's the only thing they can really hear.
Or good sounds, you know.
You know, they don't let bad sounds in there, only good sounds.
What's a good sound, you think, Riley Mao?
I mean, good sounds as in, like, just anything in general.
Like a good sound, yeah.
I mean, laughter is a good sound.
I don't know, a rocket flying into space is a good sound.
An elephant.
I like elephants.
Elephants are a good sound.
What do you think is a good sound?
Laughter, I think, and...
What else, Man, sometimes a little sexual activity, but I won't listen long.
If I hear it, if the neighbors are doing it, I'll listen for like half like two or three seconds, but I ain't listening.
I'll like listen a little and then pretend like I'll be like, oh, what is that sound?
But then once I hear, definitely know if it's sexual interaction, I back off.
You know?
So I don't listen to a lot of that, man.
But what else?
That's it.
Thank you for the call.
You know, I love you.
And I hope you guys had a good time out there.
I really do.
That's important.
That's important.
That's all there is, man.
That's all there is, is moving on.
Getting in the car, getting on the train, getting on the bike, getting on the skateboard, getting back on the horse.
And keeping it moving.
That's all there is.
I feel like we've been through a lot.
You know, I've just been thinking about...
Well...
I haven't really been thinking about anything, actually.
I gotta ice my ribs down a little.
You ever read rib damage, Raleigh Mao?
I have not.
And I don't want to.
There you go, folks.
The hot take from Raleigh Mao, baby.
Let's get into this the same way that we came in.
This is North Mississippi All-Stars, and you talk about not giving up.
This band has been at it forever.
And I mean, they are just so beloved.
And this is off their album Up and Rolling.
And this is Drunk Outdoors.
Let me holler at you, come and step outside.
You got $10 dirt, churvin', we gon'ride.
Let me holler at you, step outside.
I'm gonna drunk out the truck.
Let's go get drunk outdoors.
Ready to learn to dance floor.
Let's go get drunk outdoors.
Now we're cooking with gas on the front burner.
Hot wind gas station down on the corner.
Cooking with gas on the front burner.
I'm gonna drunk out the truck.
Let's go get drunk outdoors.
Graffin'on dirty dance floors.
Let's go get drunk outdoors.
If you got money, you can get money.
You can get a little bit of money.
If you got money, you can get a little bit.
You got money, get that hit on me Get that little out.
You guys be good to yourselves, man.
And I'm going to try doing the same thing to myself, man.
Gang, bro.
Thank you.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
The answer may shock you.
Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
Sometimes I won't.
And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
You have three new voice messages.
A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else.
So great.
Aye, Sui.
Easy deal.
Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.
Jermaine.
Hi, I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.
Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
Oh, no!
Whoa!
I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.
Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
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