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July 24, 2020 - This Past Weekend - Theo Von
01:41:42
E288 Tim Dillon 2

Tim Dillon returns to This Past Weekend https://twitter.com/timjdillon ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- New Merch https://theovonstore.com  ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This episode is brought to you by… Shipstation https://Shipstation.com and use promo code THEO Modiphy https://modiphy.com/theo  Bridge Credit Solutions https://bridgecreditsolutions.com/theo  ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Music “Shine” - Bishop Gunn http://bit.ly/Shine_BishopGunn  ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hit the Hotline  985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: http://bit.ly/TPW_VideoHotline  ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Find Theo Website: https://theovon.com  Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend  Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiEKV_MOhwZ7OEcgFyLKilw ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Producer Nick https://instagram.com/realnickdavis  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Time Text
Now today's guest is a host of the Tim Dylan Show.
He's one of my favorites to follow on social media at Tim J Dylan on Twitter.
He will reconfigure any stress that is caused to you by social media.
He can do it.
He is a comedian or a comedian.
And he is a man.
And he is here today for the second time.
Mr. Tim Dillon.
I'm going to be the same as a fucking break And left myself on my own Shine that light on me I'm going to be the same as a fucking break I'll sit and tell you about stories Shine on me And I'll win
You find no small dude.
I love you, man.
I wanted to start by telling you this.
I love you, bro.
I mean it, dude.
Your tweets are some of the best things that I even, it's like literally, I'll be just lying on my sofa.
My sofa's getting bad.
Like, my sofa's starting to really...
Yeah.
It's gotta bad.
That crevice.
I've never had that before.
Yeah, I've had that.
Yeah.
Well, you're a fat guy.
Whatever you lay on for more than a few months is just destroyed.
Oh, damn.
Yeah, it just becomes like, it just becomes, you know, I've had beds where they just become problems.
Yeah.
I've slept on couches.
Yeah, it's problems.
Wow.
And what do you, is there a way to re-fluff them?
Is there a company you guys use?
No, you just got to get super firm.
Right.
Like the mat, like, this is my mattress now.
It's like super firm so that you get about a year before you've destroyed it.
Wow.
And then you got to get something new.
But yeah.
I tried a tweet yesterday.
This is the closest that I could get to trying to like kind of imitate you.
And it was, when this is all over the dollar, we'll be worth nothing.
We'll be using them as taco shells.
Salsa will be on the black market.
Yeah, that's a little bit in your vein.
You're in the vicinity of what I did.
Yeah, I mean, I started to realize I can't take it.
If you get serious, too serious in it, then you play into the whole anarchy of it.
Whereas if you are just above it and it's ridiculous, then it's amazing.
I try to be funny, but every now and then I'm an impulsive person.
Yeah, yeah, you can't.
So yeah, I just don't have a lot of control over what happens.
So the problem is, like, I've gotten in Twitter wars with like the CEO of Red Mango, Frozen Yogurt, Dan Kim.
And I just, I'll be laying there realizing I'm attacking the CEO of Red Mango for no reason, really.
Yeah.
It's kind of like your Call of Duty almost, I feel.
Yeah, it's kind of what it is.
I just, I just, there are some times when I'll tweet something and I hit send and a lot of times I go, nah, I shouldn't have done that.
Shouldn't have done that.
Shouldn't have said that.
But it's so great.
You're like almost AWOL.
Can we bring up Tim's Twitter?
It's almost like you've just gone so AWOL that it's like inspiring.
It's like, oh, this is what it's supposed to be.
A not real field that like news sources cite from.
It's supposed to be erroneous.
Well, that's the thing like TikTok.
What's interesting about TikTok, which I'm not on, but like what's interesting about it is it's just like people dancing, people being silly.
There's money to be made, but it's like that, even though it's kind of crazy, it makes a lot more sense to me than like the social media on Facebook where people have a 300 comment.
Like they're trying to make a point.
They're trying to say something.
They're arguing with their uncle about something.
And I'm like, no, this probably wasn't what it was meant to be.
It's supposed to be like dumb.
I'm online at Chipotle.
Somebody's dancing or a crazy.
So it feels like maybe social media is kind of winding back to a place of absurdity.
Well, I feel like you're kind of leading it back.
I mean, that's what I feel like when I, I'm like, oh, this is what I need to recognize is that I, is that it's okay.
Like you're like leading it back to that place of ridiculousness.
I mean, this is the stupidest thing.
Have you seen this?
Floating cinema in Los Angeles with socially distanced boats.
How much work is it going to take to do all that?
Imagine all the stoned morons crashing boats.
Now to see a movie, we're all going to like, just stay home.
Yeah.
If that's the other option, I'll just stay home.
I don't want to get in a boat to go watch fucking Avengers.
Yeah.
This is the craziest thing I've ever seen.
Well, someone would drown.
Here's the thing.
Someone would get out of their boat to go pee and drown, like the first one.
I mean, it's just, we're going so crazy with this where we're like inventing things that there's no need.
There's no need for this.
Nobody needs to see a movie that badly.
They go, you know what?
Let's just get in the boat.
Let's just go to a movie theater in the ocean with socially distanced boats.
I would almost rather get the disease and die and go to heaven or be reincarnated.
Right.
Like take that chance.
Be reincarnated and still not get in a boat to see a movie.
Because you're like, fuck this.
Like, yeah, it's almost, God, it's so fucking ridiculous, man.
Yeah.
I mean, it's bananas.
I'm definitely going to have to go with my girlfriend.
Now, that's a good point.
See a lot of guys.
And Nick is a very susceptible man.
I'm going to say that.
I love Nick.
He's got a lady.
Hard worker.
You know, very inspiring story.
But yes, he's the kind of guy, you know, he's very Japanese.
Like, if there's a puddle, he'll stab himself and bleed out so his woman can walk over his back.
I respect that.
He has that very Korean style.
I just imagine.
Because chicks are going to want to go to this.
Yeah.
And now with everything going on, every time I see a new idea like this, I go, how do riders burn that down?
You know what I mean?
Like, how exactly will that get torched?
You know?
Yeah.
Every new idea, I'm like, how easy is that to just light that up?
Or what about when the angry, like, what about if the gay fleet from, what's that, Disney World ride where a lot of, like, that Disney World ride?
Pirates of the Caribbean.
Yeah, what about when the gay, because it's a lot of young gay men and women that work there.
Yeah.
When they say, we're going to attack.
Yeah.
We've had enough of this.
Where do they go?
Yeah.
They go to the boat movie theater.
Yeah, they're going to pull up in their boats.
They're going to pull up.
If Pirates of the Caribbean disgruntled people attack that, that would be the only reason I'd want that to exist.
Just so it could get invaded and attacked by angry, gay Pirates of the Caribbean.
Because you got to be angry that that's your gig.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, you got to be.
You can't be thrilled about that.
Now, what about, I saw recently, but yeah, if you don't follow Tim Dylan, what is your Twitter Tyler?
Tim J. Dylan.
It is.
It's like this weird canal through all of the bullshit that is some moments it's so left, some moments it's so right.
But it's just.
Yeah.
God, it is good, man.
It's a little ridiculous.
Yeah.
And you have to stick with it, man, because you have to believe, like, I was just talking to an agent.
Just put up cat.
Like, I just put up the photo of a cat.
This is a cat that's not my cat.
But the running joke is that this cat is a is a is a is like a um a radical and uh he's he constantly threatens like nancy pelosi and he's constantly in prison like they constantly keep putting him in jail and he keeps claiming that they're jokes so i just keep putting them up and then like people will comment like some guy will be like what's with its teeth and then some person will comment under that like why are you talking shit about a cat's looks and i'm like we're off to the races like already we're off to the races it's just
a fun my mother's schizophrenic and i imagine my twitter is her brain oh that's beautiful yeah that's kind of what i imagine my twitter is is like my mind yeah yeah and this is dubbed in this cat this isn't a real cat no he's real he's oscar okay he lives in west hollywood he's my friend's cat oh yeah i just go over and i grab him and they photoshop him in these pictures yeah so they just photoshop him into like so like yeah it's just oh do the brad pitt one that's a fun one oh
that's great he's real he's a demon of a cat but i love it yeah yeah and he's so like he's almost so you like he's there he's disinterested but he's also willing to just like get wild at a moment's notice yeah i mean that's kind of what he's about yeah but that's what i that's how i use twitter is just like um to just kind of be sometimes i make a good point but most of the time i don't yeah and most of the time it's just me being ridiculous but you're so
what i what i like i guess is you you're fearless about it yeah like something happened to me where i got i guess i don't know if i got fearful or i just i think sometimes i get too like i'm i'm too real about stuff sometimes so it's like right i'm gonna just end up like just in a bad space you know i'm gonna end up fighting with jameeli hill you know yeah yeah right i look at it as like if if i said something and then jamely hill said something to me you win i would tweeter the photo of the cat right
like i would be like it's like oh if you want to come into this world right if you want to take this willy wonka boat ride yeah through the craziness because i'm like this is not a good place to have a conversation right and anyone should know that everybody should know that and everyone should treat it accordingly and just be uh ridiculous i get it people are trying to hustle and make money and whatever but i'm like if you get mad at me i mean i put a mega mccain wig on i dress up like a coronable i saw that crazy thing that was good and
it's like if you get mad at that guy you're you're you're at fault yeah yeah what um what about the hollywood sign getting taken down did you see can you pull that up do you mind nick did you see uh people talking about that because obviously you know there's a lot of been a lot of stuff people taking down monuments you know yeah yeah confederate flag people taking down you know i think the cleveland indians just announced today they're going to change their name um do you want me to look that up yeah maybe both if you can i know you only have two hands but
uh but i thought about so then part of me like because i get a little bit angry sometimes about like because confederate flag i learned it from dukes of hazard right right and that's you like you have a whole different uh understanding of that because you're a southern guy right i would just see it like now if somebody rode by with a like if somebody yelled the n-word right and was waving it right i'm like no wrong yeah that's a bad guy wrong but but i just start to worry just when does it end you know like when does it well yeah i think a lot of people
think that because a lot of people are like at a certain point if you go through history oh yeah nobody's clean no nobody nobody's clean so do you just i mean every movie everything so do you just get rid of everything do you destroy everything and then you start burning books and then you start you just head in that situation like i don't really care about confederate monuments but it's like then it's like well let's get rid of uh you know washington right lincoln let's get rid of mount rushmore it's like where
does it end and the other question nobody asks what do you replace that with right what are we replacing it with right because you're gonna lose a lot of branding like even like the university george washington university right like they've been thinking like okay do we have to change there's been like yeah they just change it to gw and nobody is enough they'll be like yeah it's gw it's like kfc when they were like not using chicken yeah yeah it's kfc you're like yeah but what does that c stand for they're like i don't know something crunchy we don't know what it is yeah it's
just like i can't imagine that anyone really cares cares that's the thing that anybody really cares because we grew up going like we would go from mardi gras we would go by the um we would go by the everybody would meet at the robert e.lee statue in new orleans right right and everybody would meet there black white right uh that's all we had we had a little bit of like i guess maybe mexican or chinese like kind of like you know one person might have been a pacific islander yeah something yeah gotcha like i like i grew up in a town we had a group called wham whites against
mexicans right yeah and we didn't have any mexicans so they would always like is that a musical group no this is not okay this is more of like a yeah get the torch and yeah yeah just like a budget antifa you know like antifa but that had to be home by 6 p.m for dinner gotcha gotcha okay and then and it was only three guys in it right and um and then they like kind of attacked a chin like semi-Chinese kid once.
Like, there was no real follow-through, you know.
But is it because they couldn't find a Mexican?
Yeah, there was no, let's just get, let's just get this guy.
He's semi-Chinese.
Totally.
Yeah.
Oh, my brother was.
It's the best we're going to do.
We just got to, we got to show people we're about it, and there's no Mexicans around, but this guy looked half Chinese.
Yeah.
So he's getting it.
Yeah, look, we drew it on our binders during lunch.
This shit is real now.
We got to move forward.
Yeah.
Wow.
But yeah, just start.
So then I start to think, okay, well, yeah, you tear it down.
But then here's what I start to worry about is, say in certain, in certain cities, and whether they be southern really or anywhere, because some of it starts to branch out now to like, oh, well, Thomas Jefferson had slaves and this person dated a black woman who was underage and just different things where it just keeps escalating.
And it's like, when does it like at a certain point, yeah, like you're saying it's going to hit everybody, but then the people who live in those places, who associate with that history and don't associate it with it racially, like, and I know this is just a white perspective, but those people are going to be like, I don't want to live in a place where now the street that I'm on has been changed.
Like, it's also like, why are we ignoring history?
Why are we trying to get rid of it?
Right.
Why not just learn from it?
Why not appreciate it?
Why not look at a statue and go, yeah, that guy did some fucking.
Like, why are statues only of good people?
Number one, like the idea that every statue, it doesn't mean that.
I never look at a statue and go, that was a great guy.
That guy was great.
I bet he was great.
I never have ever looked at a statue and went, I should think like him.
I look at a statue and go, that guy did something, maybe good, maybe very bad.
He might have been very bad, but it was significant.
That's what a statue is.
It's about significance.
It's not about moral purity.
Right.
That was a guy who was a role player.
He like throw up a Carmelo Anthony somewhere.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, he kind of, people are 50-50 on if he's really that helpful to a team.
Right.
You know?
Right, right.
But I've never looked at a statue.
I don't know who we're infantilizing people.
We're treating them like children.
We're telling them, oh, if you walk by a statue, you're going to automatically look at that statue or that person in reverence.
That's not what.
Does anyone care?
You know, they go, let's take down the Christopher Columbus statue in the middle of Columbus Circle, New York City.
No one knows who that is.
The kids don't know who it is.
They don't give a fuck.
They're on their phone.
They don't even look at the statue.
So the idea that like Columbus, it's a bunch of, you know, Columbus is reinforcing imperialism and genocide.
No one cares.
Nobody knows who he is.
Well, then it's like, should you take down like, because there's, you know, a lot of artwork and I don't know if there's monuments, but of like slave, probably like arriving in like Charleston, like slave ships and stuff that did.
So then it's like, well, if you're a white person, you don't want to remember that all the time.
Right.
You should have to be like, man, wow, a lot of this town was built by slave labor.
That to me makes sense.
Like you have those monuments and you're like, I can't forget this history.
Right.
But I feel like if you're going to apply it to everything, it's just like, you know, because some people might think, man, I didn't do this.
Right.
Why do I have to be reminded of it all the time?
But because that's applying the same psychology, I feel like to the ones where you're applying it to, you know, like George Washington or Robert E. Lee, you know, like, or just put on Robert E.'s thing.
This guy got second place in the Civil War.
Just right.
This guy was fucked up.
Yeah.
This guy was fucked up.
And aren't we all?
And aren't we all?
Yeah.
I think it's the people that really are advocating that they take down everything are people that just want to completely remake or reimagine America.
So they start with the iconography of it.
They start with like the statues and everything.
And it's like, we can all agree that America has some deep, deep flaws.
It should be corrected.
But I don't think anybody's or a lot of people are not going to be on board for the new version of America that a lot of these people want.
Nobody wants that where you don't have any freedom.
Nobody really wants that.
And I think that's what this kind of America that they envision is an America where everybody is constantly policing themselves and their speech.
And there's surveillance of everything you write and say.
And it's just weird, like you want to rat on people.
I remember when Gorona started, people were like, yo, go call this number if these kids don't have masks.
I'm like, what?
I don't want to be a rat.
Dude, there's a kid skateboarding.
I'm supposed to call a number and be like, yeah, I see a kid without a mask.
Go get him.
God has it.
Yeah.
I don't want to inform on people.
I just, to me, that whole world is not, I don't like that world.
I don't want to live in that world.
I'd rather live in the world with some of the problems than this Orwellian nightmarish world where like people are like, I can't say anything.
I'm afraid to have an opinion.
I'm afraid to meet somebody at this corner because both of the people it's named after were racist.
Yeah.
It's just like, what are we doing?
Because it is just wandering around.
Yeah.
Unable to meet at certain intersections because they don't know what it means.
Or the weird guy who will only meet in front of the Robert E. Lee statue.
He's like, we're meeting in front of Lee.
You want to date me?
We meet in front of Lee?
And that's it.
We always meet in front of a Confederate monument.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's weird, man.
Or just, yeah, or maybe like you add to the monument.
Now, I think that would be even a better idea.
Yeah.
Add to the monuments.
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah.
Do a Harriet Tubman kicking him in the face.
Yes.
Do a Harriet Tubman doing a scissor kick.
Do a Harry Tubman sitting on the front of the horse.
Yeah.
Why not?
It's funny.
I think it's like in the absence of real solutions, people are like, hey, let's just take the statue down.
You know, it's like, how about stopping police shooting black people?
Yeah.
Let's take the statue down.
Let's just take this.
How about stopping some of the issues in Hollywood, people getting abused or whatever?
Let's just take the sign down.
Let's just take the sign down.
That'll cure everything.
But see, that's where it's like, that to me would really make Hollywood, I think, if you took the sign down, then Hollywood's going to be like, well, what do we have then?
Right.
What is the movement to take the Hollywood sign down?
I haven't heard about that.
Well, sorry, and Nick had it up a second ago.
Wait a minute.
Can you go back to Indiana governor?
Wait a minute.
Hold on.
Go back to that.
Indiana governor says all people over the age of eight will face.
Wait a minute.
This is great.
What was that?
Indiana governor says all people over the age of eight will face a face mask mandate.
There are some nine-year-olds that are going to get thrown into paddy wagons, and that's in Indiana.
Oh, what are you, 10?
Yeah.
Get your mask on.
I love kids learning about government at nine, you know?
Being like, oh, I lose my freedoms at nine.
So different, dude.
Damn.
And are these kids, and I just wonder if the masks, how are they going to develop their world?
It's going to be underdeveloped.
Yeah.
I mean, we're heading.
Under.
Yeah.
Under developed.
I mean, we're heading to a scary place.
I'm all for like, yeah, wear the mask, keeps people safe, whatever.
But I just think there's something hilarious about this weird age of like eight.
Yeah.
This like meaningless distance.
That's when they know.
Eight.
Yeah.
It's like if you're nine, you better have your shit together.
Yeah.
You better have your shit together at nine.
It's almost like the 1800.
It's like the freaking 1800.
Yeah.
You're going to serve in a war.
The Hollywood sign, it says right here, the Hollywood sign has been through some stuff that said on there.
Did you have an art?
Was there something?
There was one tweet.
Oh, that's it?
It had 33 likes to blue checks.
These are people that are on the right that are going, if you're going to take down Jefferson, Washington, we're going to take down a Hollywood sign.
So this is what happens.
It just becomes me, that makes sure.
I get it.
And that's when you start to look, because that's what I feel like.
It's like you have to, that's smart ball to me.
Yeah.
If you are on the right or if you are, it's like, well, what about the, you know, the obvious, you know, the Me Too.
So what about all the shit that goes on in Hollywood?
100%.
It's a deviant place.
100%.
It's awesome.
100%.
But it's risque deviant.
Yeah, there's lots of long-established problems.
Yeah.
Power dynamic issues here.
Oh, yeah.
But the whole thing is like, when Jenny Slate apologized for doing the voice of a mixed race character on Big Mouth.
Yeah, I saw that.
I did this whole thing on my podcast as a joke where I was like, it's not enough that she's stepping down because her apology is very creepy, right?
People, I was like, why does she, Jenny Slate, from everything I know about her, is probably not like a racist, right?
Why is she coming out to like confess?
She's like, I've erased black people.
I cannot believe.
And it was very weird.
Like she felt she had to come out and give this big explanation.
It was very weird.
So I just said, you know, to counter the insanity of that, I said, that's not enough.
She should go to jail.
She should be in jail.
You know, I think she should go to jail.
I saw this.
Every day Jenny Slade is not in jail.
I will speak out.
Yeah.
And that's the whole thing because I said it's not enough.
So this is what you kind of do.
When people go woke, you just go further.
Right.
You go further.
You go wide awoke.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You go real.
Yeah, wide awoke.
You go insomnia.
Yeah, you go put her in jail.
Yeah.
Put her in jail.
It's not enough.
And who are her parents?
Where are they living?
And where are they?
Let's share this.
Because we're burning that house down.
Let's share this.
You raised a racist.
Yeah.
Get them.
Let's share their information.
And what that's supposed to do is make people go, oh yeah, this is stupid.
But as a matter of fact, you get people on Twitter going, I don't think she should go to jail.
And then some people go, maybe like a re-education.
They're like, yeah, maybe like some type of re-education or something, but not jail.
Next thing you have to do is she has to take 40 hours of student driving from an African-American instructor.
Yeah, what's great is like, I'm like, oh, you're almost there.
Like you're almost at my crazy example.
You're almost at, let's put her in jail.
That's what you see when you tweet something crazy and the responses are like, yeah, that might make some sense.
You're like, what?
Yeah.
I tweeted the other day and I said I walked into a grocery store and they told me to wear a mask.
I took it off.
I didn't have a mask on.
I faked a seizure and then I ran around the store called this Screaming the Storm is Coming.
And a lot of people on Twitter were like, good for you, man.
I wish I could have seen that.
Like, dead serious.
Like, yeah, you show them.
I'm like, yeah, I didn't do any of that.
But people are like, yeah, you show them.
People are ready.
Well, people are looking also for anything that's against the norm.
So that's another reason why I think a lot of what you say really kind of stands out a lot of times because it's like, also, I think you're finding like a seam of humor in this.
Yeah.
Where sometimes I forget to like just be light about, like just like joke around about stuff.
Well, because like you watch these shows now that are like, you know, Ellen and Fallon, they're all at their kitchen tables.
Yeah.
Like Jimmy Kimmel's in his living room and you're like, what's going on?
It's weird.
And then they're interviewing people and they're interviewing celebrities and they're talking about movies coming out.
And you're like, this is so dystopian.
Like it's so disconnected from the reality that I think people just want anybody, whether you're crazy or not, to talk about something that's actually going on.
The reality.
Something that's actually happening.
Do you think that would this be a tough time?
You think, like, because you're a gay man, right?
Yeah.
So if you're a gay man, would it be.
What if I said no?
What if I denied it?
Just went back to the look, dude.
It's like, absolutely.
No.
I'll tell you this.
We've been praying.
I sue you.
I sue you.
I get lawyers.
I'm like, this is crazy.
You go to jail.
I do have new insurance.
I do have new insurance I'd love to use, but is this, yeah.
We've been praying you'll make it back.
We're trying.
We're trying.
If Hollywood offers me enough money, I'll do it.
I'll get a wife.
I'll get a fake wife.
That's a better life is to have like a fake wife because it's kind of fun.
I know dudes who are mad.
We all know dudes who are married to women.
Oh, yeah.
And you're like, all right.
But it's fun because you got a partner in being in deceptive.
Right.
Like, I think that's kind of fun.
Like, you and the wife wake up every day and you're like, all right, let's go fuck the world over again.
Yeah.
Let's go convince the world this thing's real.
Yeah, let's rock, man.
That's kind of fun.
It is fun.
That's kind of fun.
Like Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
Yeah, yeah.
You're like CIA agents, you know, and you just got to go out there And, like, hey, we got this pretend life.
Let's go and rock with it.
Oh, yeah.
I got to be at Libby's kindergarten play.
Love you, hon. Yeah, love you, hun.
Come in for the kiss.
Do you ever think that there, do you ever meet women that are close on a like?
There's almost like a because sometimes I almost wonder if at a certain point that gay and straight will almost be primitive description.
It might be, it might be, yeah, maybe.
Like I know some of there's a lot of force stuff and like, you know, and people like in this place now where they don't know or they, you know, and people are just.
I think sex will be primitive.
I think people are on so many SSRIs.
They can't even come.
And I mean, they can't get dicks hard.
I mean, just you look at a lot of these relationships.
You're like, there's no sex happening.
These people just hold each other's hands.
They softly cry.
They tweet about racism.
They adopt a dog together.
But you realize it's sexual.
A lot of these relationships are.
You're like, a lot of this is probably just people that have massive anxiety laying next to each other, having multiple panic attacks, and then someone's strong enough to go make a cup of like non-caffeinated tea.
But if you ever film during a tough panic attack, bro, it's almost good.
Is that the move?
Is that the move?
But no, I think you're right.
But I'm just wondering at some point, do you think that we will get like, well, I guess there's two things.
So one, do you ever meet a woman where you're like, oh, she's almost, there's something in her where it's like, oh, I could almost date that woman.
Yes.
Because I'm just curious as to like the, so it's not as, as 100% like black, like there's a being inside of people.
Yeah.
There are women that I see that I'm like, maybe I could date that woman.
Oh, that's interesting.
You know, Whitney Cummings is a multi-millionaire.
Maybe I could date her.
Oh, yeah.
You know what I mean?
There's something there.
Do you think she'll ever take her, like, just get to the point where she's like, I'm taking my tits off.
This is too much.
You know, and I'm not.
I don't know if she'll do the tits off.
I think she likes her tits, but I could see her evolving into a suit.
Like, I could see her evolving.
She just went shorter hair.
Yeah, I could see her evolving into somewhat like an androgynous power suit where you see her and you're just kind of afraid.
You don't know what's going to happen.
I could see her eventually being the husband of the doll of herself that she has.
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
And are you talking to Whitney?
Yeah, no, like her marrying the doll.
Yes.
Marrying the robot as the husband.
Yeah.
Yeah, it could happen.
And I could see then, and that is when she will sell her greatest show ever, which will be a new I Love Lucy.
Yes.
she is now kind of identifying as male and she's married her robot.
Yeah, and to feel something, they go out into...
What is everyone talking about?
And to feel something, they go out into her yard and watch a couple of her $2 million giraffes talk.
You know, she'll have a safari before the end.
I'm waiting for her to go full safari because she hated Tiger King.
She was mad at Tiger King.
It's like, Whitney, enough.
But she's going to go full safari and then just be like, fuck it.
The animals are happier in captivity and that's it.
I want to work at the safari.
Yeah, I want to watch her walk around with a gun and just like, just putting the gun on the tiger.
And then he just like cowers and he goes, man, you've made a full 180 from animal rights advocate to just having your own safari.
She'll become Carol Baskin.
She'll be like, these animals are basking right here.
Yeah.
I mean, this is wild.
She's got a ranch with animals.
I mean, it's wild.
Yeah, it's wild.
Bro, it's very, yeah, it's very white Africa that she's running in a weird way.
She told me a story.
She kept bringing back this cat to this animal hospital, and she's like, you got to fix this cat.
They're like, this cat's trying to die.
Like, he's trying to run away.
They run away to die.
You keep bringing him in.
You're fucking him up.
Like, this poor cat would just leave someone's house in West Hollywood trying to die.
She's driving home by the comedy stores, scooping this motherfucker up and bringing him to the animal hospital.
They keep going, let him die.
Why are you getting involved?
Can you imagine this poor cat just like, I just want to die?
And this crazy bitch keeps picking me up in her Tesla and driving me to some hospital.
Haven't you read the cat's tweet?
Yeah.
She's bringing him in.
She's like, make a robot version of this cat right now so that it can live forever.
The animal hospital is like, what?
She's like, here's 100 grand.
I want a robot cat in an hour.
God, she's hot, though.
I will say that.
That's going to be the worst ending to this whole attractive woman.
She's going to be so mad.
She's an attractive woman.
God love her.
And this is why, yeah.
And this is why I need help, Whitney.
Yeah.
This is why I need help.
But I will say this.
Anytime I talk to her, she tries to get me to adopt like a very rare animal.
Yeah.
I don't think I'm ready for like an owl or like a Shetland pony.
You know what I'm saying?
She's like, why don't you adopt her?
Yeah, I live in a owl.
I live in a one-bedroom apartment.
I don't think.
She's like, you know what you need?
You need an owl.
She's like, do you have a stand-up shower you're not using?
Yeah, yeah.
I love that she goes to war with like the animal rights, like those tiger king people on Instagram all the time.
Like I'll look at one of their Instagrams.
It'll be some guy with a tiger and there's like three comments down as Woody Committing to be like, you know what this is doing to the animal.
You know, I'm like, oh.
She's very active.
She's probably a statue of her.
Put it up in Kalamas.
She has that Ulysses S. Grant of Animalia kind of thing.
Yeah.
She really wants them to be saved.
Here's the thing with animals.
I respect them.
I've never given a shit.
Right.
Like, I've never been like that deeply.
Well, we used to watch them fucking dogs.
I don't want them being tortured, but.
A buddy of mine had a dog.
He'd take it to the dog park and it would fuck every dog in there.
And we used to get high when we were young and go over there and watch it.
Oh, that's fun.
Do work.
See, that's fun.
Yeah, that's fun.
And then it was easier, too, to talk to women because your dogs have to be like, of course.
They're like, oh, this guy.
You're decked into it.
Yeah.
They're like, look at that.
They're like, if his dog can do that, what can this guy do?
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, I like that.
Then you roll up with the erectile dysfunction, which is my big get out of jail free card.
But that's why it's hard to meet to a guy with ED, you know?
Yeah, it's very tough.
That's tough.
They're like, theo did this.
I'm like, oh, wow, I would love to have done ED.
Yeah, yeah.
That's not medically possible.
You have a doctor.
You have a doctor writing you a letter, like a kid showing up to school with a doctor's note.
You're like, yeah, I have a doctor's note.
That's not even possible.
I couldn't have even done that.
Yeah, sorry.
I wish I could have.
Yeah.
But no, I just thought that was interesting.
Yeah, if there's like a time where you can, like, sometimes even with women, you're like, oh, that woman, I could.
Yeah, there's women out there that I go, sure.
I think there's certain people that are so good looking, you're like, why not?
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
I'm sure that happens.
I'm sure that's somewhat common.
Is a straight man, I thought about this, is a straight man.
Yeah.
Like, is that the hottest chick that a gay guy could get?
I guess so.
Yeah.
I mean, it depends.
Because to straight guys, there's like hot, there's always like chicks you're like, oh, I'm never getting that chick.
The idea of anything that's like, you know, you're turning a straight guy.
Yeah, people, that's like a fantasy that people have.
But here's the thing.
If you do that, are they straight?
Right.
That's the other thing.
Like, there's a lot of people out there that are like, yeah, I fucked a straight guy.
It's like, yeah, maybe not.
Maybe not.
Maybe they weren't being honest with you.
Yeah, you fucked a liar.
Yeah.
You fucked someone who's claiming to be straight, but it's like, yeah, I don't know.
Like, I've met guys and they've been like, yeah, I've never been out on a date with a guy before.
I'm like, that's a lie.
I'm not the guy that brings you into homosexuality.
You've been here.
Yeah, I'm not the gateway drug.
I'm not the guy.
Yeah, I'm not Taylor Lautner who's like, you're like, let's give it a shot.
I'm like, you've been down the road a little bit here if you're going out with me.
You've been down the road.
You've had some experiences.
You don't go straight to like meth.
You hung out in some college party, smoked a little weed, then lost your job and decided, you know what?
I want to taste glass in my lungs.
Yeah.
No, there's, there's, yeah, I'm not the gateway drug.
I'm not like the fun party drug.
No, so I think that the people, yeah, obviously, if it's a legit straight guy where you're like, whoa, this guy's legit straight.
I think a lot of people are fibbing.
Right.
Especially in Hollywood.
I think they're lying.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Now, do you think there's also, now we talk about drug-induced homosexuality a lot on this podcast.
Sure, okay.
And do you believe in that?
That at a certain point.
I believe in drug-induced drug addiction.
Right.
So I believe that you will do that.
I believe that you will do things to get drugs.
Right.
But do you think, though, that people will get fucked up enough that at a certain point, like at 10 o'clock, everybody's having beers.
Nobody's gay.
At 1 a.m., when, you know, somebody has an eight ball of Coke in them, suddenly two guys are gay out of the group.
And you're like, oh, this is.
It might be that, or it might be two guys love Coke.
Right.
Like, like in that Tiger King thing, those guys weren't gay.
Right.
They went with women right after that.
That was their.
Right.
Yeah.
He was their supplier of drugs.
I see.
And then after that, they were like, yeah, I want to fuck women.
So they engaged in gay activities to get drugs.
I don't know.
I'm not a doctor.
Is it possible that if you're doing drugs, you start to be like, Yeah, but it's easier to be anything.
When you're on drugs, it's easier to be anything.
Like when I used to drink, I thought I had money.
I didn't have any money.
But I was drunk.
So I thought, I was like, oh, it's easier to be rich.
I'm rich.
Here's money.
Dinner's on me.
I was like, it's so easy to be rich.
I don't have any money.
Then you soap up.
You go, I don't actually have money.
But when I'm drunk, I feel like I have money.
So you act like you have money.
I see.
Yeah.
So yeah, so yeah, drug-induced, anything could happen.
Anything could happen.
Yeah.
Yeah, especially the drugs that they have now.
You know, like, it's like the argument.
It's like bath salts.
It's like, is it easier to fight a pit bull when you're on bath salts?
The answer is yes.
You know, it's like, would that, but that person probably wasn't a complete stranger to that type of behavior.
Right.
That person's probably choked a fucking Jack Castle before.
Yeah, that person's probably dropkicked a cat or something.
Yeah.
And they just got really into like fighting pits, you know, when they had.
Yeah, so maybe for some people, it's them taking on a fear that they didn't know that they had.
That might be it.
Yeah.
Do you think some people view homosexuality as a fear?
Yeah, sure.
I think anybody, anytime you lose control of your image, you're scared.
So when you say you're a gay person, when you say you're a political, like if somebody says I'm a conservative or I'm a liberal or I'm a socialist or I'm gay or I'm a vegan, all of a sudden you lose control of your image.
You lose control of your individuality because that group is associated with all kinds of things.
Some of them are great, some of them aren't.
So the minute that people view you as a member of a group.
Oh, it's scary.
And people lose their ability to manage their own image.
And then people are like, oh, well, you're a gay.
Are you like this?
Are you going to act like this?
Or whatever?
So I think the fear is the stigma that's attached to that group.
So for a while, there's a stigma attached to homosexuality.
And I'm sure there still is in many parts of the country and everywhere.
So the stigma, people fear that.
Do our more met.
Probably on the apps.
I don't really answer a lot of the app things, but yeah.
You see that, though.
Yeah, I do well with Mexicans.
I don't go out with Mexicans.
That white delight, I bet they hit on him.
And I'm not racist, but I just don't ever, like, I never.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
No, I just, you know what I mean?
I think the Mexican man would be easy to date, kind of, you know, especially because there's a language barrier.
I've gone out with Spanish guys.
I don't know actually, like, when you say Mexican, I think of like some guy.
Like a 5'4?
Just a guy in a truck.
Okay.
A dude in a truck who doesn't speak English.
That's a racist thing.
But I've never been out with, I think, with an official 100% Mexican guy.
But I've gone out with guys that were Hispanic.
But a lot of guys hit on me that are like from other parts of the world.
Wow.
Yeah.
White people don't are not into it.
Interesting.
Interesting.
I think I'm the symbol of, I think a bigger white guy is a symbol of prosperity to other races.
Ooh, I could see that.
Yeah, so I think, I think.
Because you come, yeah, they're used to seeing you come to their country to like get to date to date and for sex.
Yeah, they're like, oh, this is the guy who comes down for sex tourism.
Let's just get him now.
Let's just steal his wallet now.
This is the guy who shows up on the train and looks around a little bit and nods and taps his cane on the ground.
He's got to go to the Philippines for the food.
So let's just rob him now.
Let's just take his money now and he doesn't have to buy the flight.
That's crazy.
Yeah, you almost look like.
I look like a guy who goes.
FDR's grandson.
You look like a guy that would go, you know, the Eli Roth, the hostel, that movie?
I look like a guy who goes to Bratislava and who wants to just saw people in app and then just goes back to his bank job and just sit back on the golf course, just hitting balls, just like, yeah, I went away.
There's a great little spot you can go and just saw people's limbs off.
Great tacos.
Yeah, good tacos, a lot of fun.
So I think those people see me and they're like, oh, good.
You know, fat white guy, maybe prosperous.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's totally wild.
Yeah, you seem like the guy who made like the monopoly, that old guy, like his son, like kind of one of his sons that went to the money.
I'm the guy that didn't earn the money, but somehow I have it.
Yeah.
Like I didn't earn it.
I didn't come up with the thing.
Yeah.
But like I'm Orville Redenbacher's great-grandson.
Yeah.
And we just made my living.
Lonnie Redenbacher.
Lonnie Redenbacher.
I just made my living popping corn.
And I just sit at the local bar and I'm real free with my opinions.
And I've never earned a dollar in my life.
I've never earned an honest dollar in my life.
And I'm just living off popcorn money from like four generations ago.
Oh, man.
Yeah.
Great.
It's like veiling your Twitter, dude.
Yeah.
That's good.
That's what I look like.
Yeah.
But again, you can't control your image.
Right.
just look racist.
I look like a...
Yeah.
I look like a cop who shot a toddler.
Ooh, yeah.
But you look like the cop that are like, whoa, how'd this guy get on?
Like this guy.
How did he get on the force?
Yeah.
Like, if you've been on the force for eight years, it's like, oh, yeah, he's been on the force for eight years.
But if he just got on the force.
How did it even happen?
Yeah.
How did it even happen?
Who did he bribe to get here?
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We've got a question that came in right here for you.
Uh-oh.
Hey, Tim.
How's the dieting going?
Oh, that's the question.
Okay.
It's a struggle.
It's a challenge.
Do you diet?
I go on and off.
It's a struggle and a challenge.
Because I saw you at a restaurant the other day.
I remember I saw you.
Yeah, yeah.
Which I shouldn't have said that.
No, but that's okay.
That was not a diet day.
Yeah.
I try.
It's hard.
Because guys like Joe Rogan have all this discipline.
And it's just hard.
Well, Jocko Willink has a book.
Yeah, he's got a lot of discipline, too.
Discipline equals freedom.
Discipline equals freedom.
Yeah.
That's what Nick always says to me.
And I don't do it, but I think it's.
I get it.
I get it.
But also, freedom equals freedom.
Hey, Jocko, counterpoint.
I know that somebody came up with that title for you at your publishing company, but counterpoint, freedom is also freedom.
Yeah.
What do you do you find?
Sorry.
What's the tough?
I have a better argument than that, Jocko.
What's the toughest part of dieting, you think, for you?
Not eating.
Is it a certain time of day?
I mean.
Because at eight o'clock, I get into this thing like I deserve a treat.
Correct.
That's how I get it.
Here's the real problem.
There's not too many things in the world that make you happy.
Right.
That's just really what it is.
There's not that many things in the world that make you happy.
Yeah, guns, mysteries.
Whatever it is.
What else?
There's not a ton out there.
So food is a thing that it just triggers my response.
It's like a drug.
And it's like my parents, when I was young, they just set me on that course of like, oh, you did something good.
Here's ice cream.
Oh, wow.
You did something good.
We're going to go to pizza.
And would they just put it in your hand or something?
Or what would they do?
Yeah, they would just put a scoop of ice cream in my hand while I laid in bed.
And I would just eat it as I fell asleep.
No.
And they would just take me to eat because we didn't have that much money.
And the only luxury was like, let's get a fun food.
Let's go to pizza.
It wasn't like, let's take a vacation.
Right.
It wasn't like we're buying you a car.
Like, let's go to a nice dinner.
Food is the only luxury for people that don't have a lot of money.
That's a good point.
It's a reality.
Let's go get pizzas.
Yeah.
Let's go.
Yeah, we couldn't go to like the big water park.
Let's go to the.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Let's go cook over by the river.
Your family imagine it was like, let's deep fry a dog or something, you know?
But let's just get a good.
Let's grill something.
Let's have a little bit of swan on it.
Yeah, a little bit of swan.
Well, dude, I had a cousin that moved.
I had a cousin that ended up working by the damn golf course.
And so, dude, one time he comes home with two fucking swans.
Were they good?
Yeah, that's not great, is it?
They weren't bad.
Interesting.
I was young, though.
Swan isn't for a kid.
Swan's not for everyone.
No.
It's a majestic creature.
Well, it's an adult meat.
What is that eating a swan?
It's an adult meat.
Yeah, it's an adult meat.
Here's a guy, obviously, he's looking to date.
This guy looks like he's in trouble.
This guy looks like he didn't answer a contact tracing call.
He's infected 38 people.
Hey, Mr. Dylan, huge fan.
Mr. Vaughn, long time listener, watcher, first time caller and communicator.
Pardon my back mullet.
I don't have a top mullet, but I got a little back arrow.
I'm going to let that heat come up.
Anyway, I got a crazy question for Mr. Dylan.
What do you think about the assassin killing himself that shot the judge's son?
This Ghislaine Maxwell shit's getting a little trash.
Yeah, it's real creepy.
Yeah.
So let's get into this.
First, let's just establish that Epstein, you believe Epstein was a pedophile.
I'm just saying, let's just establish some grounds.
Who are you working for?
Wait a minute.
Hold on.
What?
Yes, I will take a controversial stance because I believe Epstein is a pedophile.
You heard it here.
Okay.
And you think Geese Lane was his little, his, his runner?
Yeah, I think that's pretty well established.
I think Miss Maxwell was involved in some lurid and inappropriate activities.
But as Trump would say, I wish her well.
Because that's the way rich people talk.
Rich people, every now and then rich people just become rich and they forget that they have a job.
He forgot he was the president.
He was at a golf tee on Mar-a-Lago in his mind and he said what he would have said to some CEO that was next to him and go, yeah, I wish her well.
Because that's when you're like, yeah, my son, he got into it underage, real big problem.
He goes, I wish him well.
I wish him well, yeah.
And just, you know, watch the stride.
It's so different.
People don't understand also, yeah, that rich mindset of just it.
It's just niceties and politeness.
Like Ghislaine got busted having a couple of chocolates she shouldn't have had, you know?
Yeah, they're just like, yeah, I wish her well.
Hey, man, just get out of my, get out of my world with your problems.
I'm rich.
I want to be rich.
Ghislaine is rich.
So I wish her well.
If Ghislaine wasn't rich, it would be like, yeah, burn her.
I don't care.
Put her in a room and light her up.
But because she's rich, I don't want to see a member of my own class really bite the bullet.
So I wish her well.
I hope she has to write a long apology letter to the girls and they put her back on a boat.
But yeah, this assassin was super weird.
The judge that was assigned to look into the money laundering at Deutsche Bank, because a bunch of investors at Deutsche Bank were like, hey, why are you letting Jeffrey Epstein and all these people, why are you tolerating all these high-risk clients?
So a bunch of investors at Deutsche Bank got mad at this.
And Deutsche Bank should have just sent out a letter and went, shut the fuck up.
We do what we want.
We're criminals, dummy.
What do you think goes on here?
We launder drug money and everything else.
We got narco-traffickers, human traffickers.
Shut the fuck up.
You didn't care when you're returned.
You only care because it's the goddamn news, Cliff.
They should like hit him with a first name.
Hit him with a first name.
Listen, Vance, you know what's going on.
Shut the fuck up.
So there were some banks.
So there's some investors, because I don't know all about it.
So there's some investors.
Yeah.
And they were all working with the same, a lot of shady people working with the same bank.
Yeah, Deutsche Bank.
And Deutsche Bank's, like a lot of their executives end up killing themselves in Malibu.
It's super suspect because people in Malibu don't kill themselves.
They're happy.
That's why they kill themselves.
So this idea that all these people in Malibu are like, I just can't do another day in the thun.
I got to kill myself.
Deutsche Bank's involved in some weird stuff.
So Deutsche Bank.
And what is the Deutsch?
It's what?
German.
Okay.
Yeah.
So they are handling high-risk clients like Jeffrey Epstein.
Okay.
And a bunch of investors are like, hey, what are you doing here?
Why are you tolerating this level of risk?
Blah, blah, blah.
So they bring a class action suit against Deutsche Bank.
A judge gets assigned that suit.
Four days later, her son and her husband, a guy who shows up in a FedEx suit, her son and her husband end up getting killed.
Or her husband's not dead.
He's critically wounded.
Her Son is dead.
And then the guy who does this goes and kills himself about an hour and a half later.
Now, supposedly, this guy, this guy named Roy Hollander, was a men's rights activist who had actually called in Opi and Anthony and like argued with Jim Norton.
He's like a weird guy.
And he was the FedEx driver?
He was just, yeah, dressed up in a FedEx outfit.
He was fake FedEx driver.
Fake FedEx driver.
Was he in just a regular vehicle?
I imagine, yeah.
Oh, my God.
So then he just evolved himself.
So what people are, what I am a little suspicious about is I'm like, is this guy actually the guy who did it?
Is this guy, did he do it, but did somebody like put him up to it?
Right.
Because this, you know, this is a crazy coincidence that this woman's child is now dead.
Because that is a crazy way to send a message.
Right.
Like, because you're telling all the old judges, like, hey, you might want to gamble with your life.
We'll kill your kids.
Right.
Like, we'll just kill everyone.
You know, like, it is a crazy message.
And it makes you think about anytime somebody kills themselves and they can't be asked any questions.
I get real like, wait a minute.
Hold on.
What happened?
So it's entirely possible that this was some type of threat or, you know, a way to intimidate or scare people that are in the case.
I don't know.
It's also possible that this guy is just a crazy guy that killed the judge.
I don't know, but it's worth looking into.
Has the judge responded after the killing?
Has the judge spoken?
Man suspected.
I mean, this is tragic.
20-year-old kid.
Oh, it's heartbreaking.
And he was just at home doing what?
It's weird.
The guy's a men's rights activist.
He killed two men.
I'm like, that makes me start thinking, like, wait a minute, what?
That's odd.
But it's also interesting.
A good place to go look for someone who would do something like this is someone who repeatedly calls into a radio show.
But here's the thing.
The people that want this done know that.
Right.
They know that.
Oh, of course.
They're like, this is where we find crazy people.
They know where to get the fun people.
This guy also, 20 years ago, worked for Kroll Securities, which is like an intelligent corporate espionage intelligence gathering major corporation.
He worked for a year in Russia handling intelligence gathering for Kroll.
So it's just odd.
Very Lee Harvey Oswald.
Yeah, it's a very weird background for the guy to have, you know?
Here's a guy right here who has an issue, and this guy might have a few issues.
Yeah.
What's going on?
My name is Miles.
Tim, I saw you at the Stress Factory in Bridgeport, Connecticut, and you said that I look like I trafficked children because I was wearing a suit.
So two questions.
One, would you like to retract that statement?
And two, do you think Glenn is going to make it to trial?
I don't.
Number one, let me retract that statement because now you look like a dirtbag who can't afford anything.
You should have kept the suit on.
Well, he does have a frisbee collection behind him.
Now you look like you traffic pizzas to people's homes for a living.
So that's what you look like now?
You look like you're trafficking for Papa John's, trafficking breadsticks to poor people.
Will Ghelain make it to trial?
I mean, not if a lot of powerful people have something to say about it.
Do you think a lot of people really were into this type of thing?
Like they would fly over there to have sex with you.
I think enough, yeah.
I think enough people.
Yeah.
I think it was a way to blackmail people.
So powerful people go over there, they do this stuff, you get them on camera, you own them and control them forever.
So if you're an intelligence agency or whatever, even a billionaire that wants to control senators or congressmen or whatever, because you don't want them passing laws that fuck with your money, it's a foolproof way to be like, yeah, oh, you're going to vote that way?
How about this?
And then they go, yeah, I guess you're right.
So in the end, do you think that Epstein's biggest problem was, or not, obviously he had a lot of problems, but do you think that one of the underlying issues of all of his problems was more like control?
It was like, how do I...
It was all about like manipulation.
People, you're absolutely right.
It was how do we control people?
And Epstein was just a facilitator for bigger forces that are looking to control people.
Wow.
And that's part of what happens.
I mean, I'm sure, listen, there's reasons in Hollywood that the same actors get the same roles all the time.
And a lot of them are very talented.
But I think a lot of it is that they have very powerful agents and people that are able to make things happen.
How do you make things happen?
You need leverage.
How do you get leverage?
Well, leverage is information.
Yeah.
Right?
It's information.
That's technically kind of what leverage is.
It's like, I know.
Oh, yeah.
That's a prime ingredient.
Yeah.
So, I mean, it's entirely possible that like this is just the way things have been run for so long.
And now it's coming to light because you have the internet and you have people.
Back then, victims couldn't talk to each other.
So one girl that had a crazy experience couldn't email another girl and go, hey, did this happen to you?
Right.
Yeah.
That's like the only positive thing from it.
Here's a young man right here that has a question who may have been trafficked.
Sorry, man, I shouldn't have said this.
I'm doing Theobon.
You guys are two of my all-time favorites.
I love all your stuff.
I check out your podcast pretty much any chance I get.
I was going to ask, this can be for both of y'all, with all the craziness going on in Hollywood right now, would you guys consider getting a stunning estate in the stunning state of Kentucky?
We'd love to have y'all.
Ooh, KY, famous for its jelly, huh?
KY.
Would consider moving.
Anyways, you guys keep rocking.
Is that an offer?
Yeah, I'll move in with you.
How do your folks feel about that?
Now, this is a very handsome young man.
Does it make you feel a certain way when you see this guy?
I say I'll move in with him in Kentucky if he wants.
If that's what he's offering, I imagine that's what this is about.
He also looks a little bit, I want to say, like Kylie Jenner.
Here's what's great about him.
He's anonymous looking.
He has this weird, like, you could just imagine him as kind of anything.
David Arquette's son.
Yeah, like maybe he's a good-looking pilot, but maybe he's 10 other things.
So he's got this weird kind of like, there's nothing distinct about him.
He's just a weird like model type of like look, but Kentucky, like a model for Kentucky.
Oh, in Kentucky.
In Kentucky, most people have no face.
Yeah.
In Kentucky, this guy is a damn, I mean, he is a, look, he's a nine male or female in Kentucky.
In Kentucky, yeah.
Kentucky is a, he's a nine.
Would I consider moving to Kentucky?
No.
The answer is no, and you're not going to Kentucky.
You're going to go to Kentucky?
No.
No.
I'm going to go look.
Pass.
I'm going to go.
I'm going to respectfully pass.
Are you thinking of going anywhere?
I am.
I'm going to go look in Nashville.
Wow.
I just got a plane ticket to the ship.
Do you think everybody's just leaving?
You know, I don't know, man.
My biggest thing starts to be state taxes.
That's my biggest thing.
It's money.
100%.
Nick, this chair squeaks on Monday's, too.
But, yeah, money starts to be one of the promises.
And then also, what are you paying towards?
It's like, if I'm paying taxes, what is it going towards?
And then if everything's shut down, should I get my taxes back?
Good point.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I only moved here about a year ago.
I've been coming out here for four years, but I moved here about a year ago.
And I'm like, I know I have friends leaving and going other places, but I don't know.
I feel kind of like LA is going to, I think we're all like thinking that this is going to be forever.
And every decision we're making and every thought in our mind is based on the idea that this doesn't end, which could happen and would be terrifying.
There'd probably be a host of other problems.
But doesn't this end?
Yeah, that's true.
Doesn't this end?
Yeah, this should end.
Doesn't it end?
And then doesn't things go back to something resembling what we're used to?
And maybe it doesn't, but I mean, if it ends, are we going to want to be somewhere else?
I don't know.
Maybe we will.
Yeah, I don't know.
It's a good question, man.
Because I start to think, yeah, I would like to get in a place that has probably, I mean, I'd love to get in a place where I can save tax money.
But then also, there's strength in numbers.
Like, it's nice to be around people you know.
And like, you know, to be able to meet up and chat about stuff.
So I start to wonder, well, what's it?
It feels like a different life.
Like, it feels like one of those Netflix series where like some, somebody moves to like a small town.
Yeah.
You know, and they're like, I got to now meet everybody.
And like, I don't know.
I just feel like, I just feel like, I don't think anyone has to do anything drastic just yet.
Right.
Let's just wait out the year.
See if you feel this way in January.
And you might.
Right.
But I feel like, I feel like.
That's a good point.
Yeah.
Just wait out the year.
It's a bad year.
As soon as this all started to happen in March, I said, this year's shot.
I just knew it.
In my head, I mentally said it.
I'm like, this year's done.
We're just losing a year.
I think it's going to turn around in 2021.
He's like, everyone's cured.
Shockingly, there's no new cases.
And you're like, what?
Like, yeah, everybody's great.
Do you think Trump will win or lose?
I'd probably lose at the moment.
It's tough.
And it goes moment to moment, doesn't it?
It's moment to moment.
It really is.
Debates could make him the favorite again because Biden is not a good debater and is kind of mentally not there.
But I think Trump's fighting a lot of battles that are losing battles.
Like the economy is collapsing.
This coronavirus was not really handled well.
He pours, like, forget politics.
What I keep explaining to my friends are like, super bro Trump.
I'm like, if there was a CEO of a company and half the people in it thought he was trying to kill them, even if they were wrong, you can't get rid of half of them.
You got to get rid of him.
Like he pours gasoline.
And like every day, whether he's, he might not be trying to kill them, but every day he gets in the elevator and he's like, maybe I'll kill you.
Like, what?
They're like, wait, he's doing it again.
He's doing it.
And then the other people in the company are like, that's the way he is.
He's joking.
That's what he does.
It's a joke.
And they're like, no, he said there was poison in the pen.
He's going to stab me.
They go, will you stop?
It's amazing how we can't live in this schizophrenia forever.
So many people take everything he says so, so seriously.
It's like, and also I think a lot of people want him to be something that he isn't a lot of times.
It's like a lot of people elected him knowing he was a like crazy, wild, odd businessman.
Yeah, he's a con artist.
He's the most successful con artist of all time, which is why there's part of me that likes him because I know he's full of shit.
The people on the right think he was chosen by Jesus to free every child that's being trafficked or whatever.
The people on the left think he's Adolf Hitler.
The reality is he's a Riverbow casino hustler.
He's a huckster and he's just been able to bluff because he knows social media and he knows.
And I think that's the real story.
That's what makes him more interesting to me.
He's the most successful fucking card shark, three card Monte dealer, bullshit slum lord that you've ever known.
Like he's doing it on the world stage.
He doesn't have a clue what he's going to say.
He just lets it fly.
He lets it rip.
And that character to me, not that he's this omnipotent force of evil or that he's this amazing angel.
The idea that he's just kind of a regular guy who's a con makes him more impressive to me.
And it makes the story actually a lot more interesting.
Oh, this vote, if you want a good show, if you don't have cable anymore, but you still want to be a part, like if you're able to have the separatist and not get it, like sometimes I get my boots in the mud.
Yeah.
If you're able to keep your boots out of the mud, there's no greater show than the show we're watching.
It's obvious you're going to be fine.
I mean, America's going to give you money, you know, like, but I also think it's.
Well, I don't know if that's going to take you, but right now they are.
Right now people are getting mailed money and can't handle it.
Yeah.
Some people are getting mailed money home once a month.
And they just cannot hack it.
You can't do it.
They got to go to Applebee's and just lick the floor.
Well, there's a thing.
I remember when he won, which I thought he was going to win.
To me, it became really obvious.
Yeah, I thought so too.
But when he won, I was like, holy shit.
The next day, and I think everybody had this moment.
They're like, I could be president.
Yeah.
Well, I think everybody had that moment.
And then everybody had this very interesting moment too.
And it happens in every thriller, in every thriller, most thrillers, there's a scene where the car is dangling off the mountain, right?
And everybody's, you're kind of in that moment of being like, what's going to happen now?
When's it going to fall?
It's got to fall, right?
Or does it get pulled back?
Does it get, you know, how does it work?
Does the Mercedes-Benz back up in Jurassic Park?
And, you know, somehow.
And the problem is, we've been living in that moment for four years.
Like that moment of like tension and anxiety and what happens.
And some people are like, oh, this is fun.
It's a movie.
And then some people are like, no, but they could die.
And some people are like, yeah, but they're not real.
And some people are like, no, but they are actually real.
Some of them are real.
And you're like, good point.
Some of them are real.
So it's just, I look at it so differently.
Everybody's so invested in one side or the other side.
I look at the guy and I'm like, nobody's had a wilder life than this guy.
Nobody, like, he might have has one of the most crazy lives in history.
I can't believe that more black men don't low-key think that Donald Trump is because he's like some complete, like, he's the G. He's like in that regard of like money, cash, hoes.
Men in general, I think, because we tend to like just, we're not, like, I think women might think about things a little more, but men might just take something at face value.
And sometimes the stuff he says, you just go, it's fucking hilarious.
Yeah.
And you just move on about your day.
Whereas a woman will be like, oh, that was horrible.
Like, he said a horrible thing.
And he's our president.
You're like, yeah, but he's, it's just funny.
But also when you grow up poor, especially, I mean, growing up poor and white, like you never have any, I never thought any politicians were really much but clown.
Like it always seemed like they never came to our neighborhood and did anything.
I remember the richest guy I knew would drive by our neighborhood.
He was a veterinarian and he would throw dead animals into the ditch outside of our apartment complex.
And I remember we would throw like carcasses, like Cossoxes and like, you know, goat occipitals and shit at each other, just, you know, and just rattle off.
You know, if you got a rib cage, you would just have unlimited bullets.
It's a real scene from True Detective, his tire child.
And that was like kind of like he was a city councilman or something, I think.
And that was the closest we ever got to party.
This guy that was a senator lived in my town, clearly a mob guy, right?
His name was like Al D'Amato.
He's like a respected guy.
People know who he is.
But he clearly was like a local goon.
And he was just like, he would just walk around the San Genaro Festival, just like eating this little custard and like just drinking booze.
I'm like, this dude doesn't give a fuck.
I'm drinking the blood of his grandparents.
He doesn't give a fuck about any of this.
Now, he's a nice guy.
My family liked him, but it's like, they don't care.
He had a poker alliance.
Let's look at him right here.
There he is, Alphonse.
Alphonse Diamato.
Yeah, he would just walk around and like, you know, he'd have like a little eggplant parmesan.
He'd be twirling linguine in a little, like a little paper, a little plastic cup.
He'd be twirling the linguine and just walk around eating it.
Like, you know, they'd be playing like, when the moon is here.
And I'm like, yeah, what are the chances this guy's, I bet he's pretty swayable.
Yeah.
I bet you could put him in a room, hand him a little money.
DiMato is chairman of the Poker Players Alliance, a non-profit organization set up to help protect and fight for the rights of poker players in the United States.
That's Long Island.
That's where I came from.
We protected the poker players.
And look at his dimey dimes.
Yeah.
Sound like Bernie Star right now, but his dimey dime of a wife.
Yeah.
Look how he won her in a game.
Yeah.
He could have won her from Trump.
Here's the interesting thing I think about Trump.
I think he's a reflection of what we have become.
A country that does shady business.
That we're all on our third wife.
We have a semi-autistic child.
Everybody has a semi-autistic child.
And I don't mean this in any negative way.
I just, to me, he's the mirror we don't want to see.
Like in a lot of ways, you know?
What bothers him about really rich people is like what they will say to country club to each other privately.
He'll just go out and say it to the United Nations.
And they're like, whoa, whoa.
These guys are trash.
You're like, you know, he's the dad in your neighborhood who's like, this neighborhood's changing.
And you're like, shut up, dad.
Imagine now he's the president.
Now that guy's the president.
Now the guy who sits on his patio smoking a cigar saying veiled racist things is now the president of the United States.
It's a problem, but it's also the most predictable thing ever.
Yeah.
Because we love celebrity.
We're obsessed.
We love the idea of somebody that we know.
He got in the game.
We know him.
He has name recognition.
We followed him forever.
He was a reality TV celebration.
He was off script also.
He came in at a time, like, he came in at a time where things were getting off.
Everyone was so tired of the script.
They were boring and they were good.
Things were kind of good.
Like, even though things weren't good for millions of people, all we really look at is like media and everything.
And Obama was in and everybody's like, yeah, things are kind of good.
And then we were like, wait a minute, what if we just throw this wrecking ball at, like, it might just be interesting again.
And then we didn't know.
Now we're just living in a time where we're like, oh, we didn't know how interesting it was going to get.
Like, we didn't realize how fragile.
I didn't realize.
I didn't realize how fragile society was.
I didn't realize how many people were ready to just burn down a Trader Joe's.
It's interesting.
I didn't realize how many people were like, you know, I'm mad about that.
Let's go burn down a Trader Joe's.
Well, I had no idea.
We're going to start to see like people putting Antifa on their resumes.
Right.
Yeah.
Like I was a colonel in Antifa.
You may remember me.
I burned down the Trader Joe's on Fairfax.
I was look out at that foot locker that went down outside of Tempe.
You guys may remember that.
But I get it because I was under the rightful watch of Zodiac 47. Yeah.
People are desperate and people are pissed.
Yeah.
And they're just like, fuck it.
And I get it.
And like, we can work from home.
We've got this unique, you know, we worked our asses off to get here, but it's just like, I get it because I have friends that are like, man, I don't know what I'm going to do now.
You know, like, they're like, I worked at a restaurant.
I made good money.
I work at a steakhouse.
It's shut down.
And when it's open, we can only fill 30% of the tables.
I don't know what I'm going to do.
And I'm not getting unemployment anymore because I'm working.
But people, those people, same people are still ejaculating into their girlfriend.
Yeah, it's stupid.
That's stupid.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
It just, we don't.
We don't get it.
Yeah.
And maybe we never do.
How do you think the whole book, the storybook of humanity kind of ends?
Do you think we get it?
You're looking at, I think it ends in a dystopian place.
I think it ends like Dystopian.
Utopians like a perfect world.
Dystopians like a fucked up future.
Yeah.
I think it ends.
Mad Max.
Here's how ICive eternalize it.
Thanks, Nick.
I think it's like, here's what I think it is.
I think outside there's going to be like fights and people will be fighting each other.
Hopefully there'll be fists fighting each other inside of an olive garden.
Olive Garden will become a place for fighting.
The government's going to be like snatching people off.
It's going to be crazy, right?
And then you'll be inside your house with like VR goggles on, like doing TikTok dances.
And outside, there's going to be explosions and you're just going to hear gunshots.
And then you just can't hear it because you're in like this augmented reality world of like, the whole thing is we just climbed into the computer.
When this started, everybody was just like, well, outside, it's a problem.
You're going to get sick.
Somebody's going to, you know.
Oh, that's true.
Now we've all climbed into the computer.
We've climbed into the computer.
We're just going to live there forever.
So humanity will, it'll just get weirder and weirder and weirder to the point where if you're like, hey, you want to go to the park?
Somebody's going to be looking at you and go, are you fucking sick?
Are you a fucking sicko?
Do you know what's out there?
Marauding gangs, coronaviruses, diseases, government agents, like it's going to get to the pedophile, putt-butt golf.
Yeah, putt-butt golf.
You know what I mean?
Public school teachers, the worst, the lowest of the low.
And I think TikTok is a great way to take a glimpse into the future because the news will be like everybody's dying.
And then the kids on TikTok are just like, you know, just like this.
Just unbothered.
Just completely like.
Like the teletubbies.
Yeah.
Like some kids getting molested and the teletubbies are just dancing on the screen.
And they're just like mouthing the words to songs they didn't write.
Yeah.
And they're just dancing.
And that's kind of the beginning of, and then you have this girl who mouths Trump, like Sarah Cooper, whatever her name is, who's whatever, talented.
I'm not chitting on her, but like she just, like Trump, she like lip-syncs Trump.
So he'll say something and she goes on TikTok.
She's got this massive following, just like lip-syncing Trump.
So it's going to be weird.
It's just like, it's going to be like people lip-syncing music or the words of other people.
And people are going to be like, that's funny.
It's going to, it's starting to feel strange out there.
And I think it just gets weirder and weirder to the point where we all just want to live in a video game because it's more comforting than real life.
And what about if semen comes out of our bodies?
We just throw it away?
It'll come out of your body.
You'll just throw it away.
But I think a lot of it will be like, It'll be sex robots.
It'll be weird stimuli.
It'll be...
They'll still be fucking and everything, but it'll be just a weird...
I think that it's very possible that porn gets so fucking powerful and crazy.
Way powerful.
That who knows?
It's destroying people's real sex drive.
It's destroying people's drugs.
Yeah, I'm one of those people.
Yeah, it's wild.
Yeah.
I'm one of those people, man.
I'm thinking of, yeah.
Here's a young man that's obviously had some issues, hopefully.
Thank you.
Oh, boom.
I got a quick quandary for you, boys.
For a long time now, I've said that Timmy Dylan is the top five homosexual man of all time, and I stand by that.
That's awesome.
Can either of you name five cooler gay dudes than Timmy Dillon?
And look, first of all, I don't want to say...
There's many of them.
There's many of them.
to put you in top 40 men overall.
I don't want us to think that there's identity politics within the comedy world.
I think it's just fascinating that I don't know a lot of gay men that I talk to on an even semi-regular basis that are out.
Yeah, that's true.
That's a great quality.
I would say probably Kevin Spacey.
Okay.
For one.
Well.
What was the question?
Top five guys, I think, right?
Oh, no.
Gay guys?
Cooler gay guys.
Okay, so you have thrown out Kevin Spacey.
Here's what I'll say.
Phenomenal actor.
Okay.
And much more successful than I am.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But there are issues.
Oh, yeah.
No, he's definitely had some issues, no doubt.
Yeah, yeah.
So one way to say it.
But still, one of the most talented actors ever.
Absolutely.
Certainly.
This guy lists some examples.
Do we want to?
Oh, he doesn't.
Let's hear some.
Sorry.
That's all good.
Maybe Leonardo da Vinci.
Maybe Freddy Brickery.
But it gets pretty hard after that.
Yeah.
I think he's saying because you're so cool, not because gay guys aren't cool.
No, no, no.
This guy loves him.
Very sweet.
Da Vinci, Mercury, Dylan.
Yeah, I didn't know Leonardo da Vinci was gay, but.
I think he was just like.
That was weird.
Did he?
Yeah.
I've been to his childhood home.
Amy Schumer and I went to his childhood home.
Oh, my God.
That's a fun date.
Yeah.
What a wild day that is.
Between Amy and Lincoln's childhood home.
I take people on pretty bad dates, honestly.
I really do.
Yeah.
Let me think of some really admirable gay males out there.
Harvey Milk.
Hinchcliffe.
Okay.
Brandon Shabn.
I'm kidding.
I'm trying to think of like, I don't know, like the ones that are important in history, like Harvey Milk and people like that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Paula Poundson almost.
Paula Poundstone is a gay dude that I respect.
Who's one of my favorite gay people?
I don't know if I ever really think about it like that exactly.
Roy Cohn, Trump mentor, lawyer for Joe McCarthy.
And is he a gay man?
Yeah, horrible guy, but he's very successful.
And do you know him?
No, he's died.
He was like a very cutthroat operator of a, you know...
But he was one of the first gay guys to be like, I'm also evil.
Or some gay.
Do you think that there are, You think like, oh, there's.
But there's just as many evil people in the gay community as there are in the straight community.
Sure, sure.
Wow.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think it's such a, the distinction is almost, I think as we grow up, it's not Going to be like the distinction of sexuality is going to be somewhat less.
Oh, I feel it.
I feel it going there, even by one generation, it's almost insane.
I mean, look at Bravo.
There's a ton of evil people on Bravo.
Yeah.
Andy Cohen, like, he gets the whole shows.
He's like, all right, well, we're going to put you all under tremendous emotional, financial strain, and maybe someone jumps off a roof.
Yeah.
These people's husbands kill themselves.
I mean, yeah, no.
He's a dark artist, definitely.
There's a level of manipulation of things, like when people start to see other people as just contestants.
In their life.
That's what the real housewives are.
Be a contestant in your life.
Sick.
So, yeah.
You know, Andy Cohen and Roy Cohn are two evil.
There has to be a dark side to that.
There has to be a downside to that.
Where's the light side to it?
Yeah.
The dark side is the only side that I see.
I mean, the light.
I mean, the idea.
And those shows are entertaining.
Don't get me wrong.
But that is why we have Trump.
So if you hate Trump and you're watching The Real Housewives, you are being inconsistent.
Right.
Because that type of perversion of reality where we know it's fake, but we watch it anyway, that gave us Trump.
That ability to manipulate situations, manufacture them, things that we know are bullshit, but we don't care because they're entertaining.
That's the beginning of Trump.
Well, it's interesting, too, that Hollywood, there's not a lot of like Hollywood never stands up and says, oh, like they made him a celebrity.
Like I think Trump was always a businessman.
People always knew he was this long-coated businessman.
And that's why the people on the right that are like, fuck Hollywood.
I'm like, your boy is a Hollywood guy.
He's 15 years, he had one of the top rating shows on TV.
He's a Hollywood dude.
But Hollywood never takes any credit for creating what they refer to as the monster.
They never will.
It's interesting.
Bro, it's almost.
He's just such a successful con.
You just got to look back and go, this guy has just every single opportunity this guy's ever had to just leverage himself, bite off something more than he could chew.
He figures out a way to make it happen.
It's wild.
It's insane.
And he's been able to do it at the highest level humanly possible.
And that's the interesting story.
But is there any, here's one thing I think that we romanticize, is the different levels.
Like, there are different levels, but I wonder if that ability ever...
It seems you fade.
Some people fade under that pressure, but some people who have very, probably not much empathy.
Here's the thing about Trump.
There's nothing in that guy's life he said, I can't do.
Right.
Or I can't be.
Right.
Now, that's a con artist.
I mean, that's not, like, if you, think of the most successful guy you know, you, you know, he would still say, hey, man, that's not for me.
This guy didn't think anything was beyond the realm of his doing, including leading the free world.
And part of that is this just the idea that like no matter what situation I'm in, I'll come out clean.
I'll figure it out.
It's amazing how it's amazing.
In some ways, it's freaking admirable.
Yeah.
The journey of look at him and aspire to in a weird way.
Right.
And that, if we don't have that conversation, we'll never understand why he's so popular.
And if you don't admit that a lot of what he does and a lot of the people he calls out, whether it's the media or things that are equally fucked up, if you don't admit that he's right about some of that, you'll never beat him.
The reason that he wins is because you keep saying he's wrong about everything.
But if you cede some ground to him and go, yeah, he made a few good points, but it doesn't matter because he's not, he just can't do the job.
Yeah, though.
He's incapable of doing the actual job.
And everyone's forgot that being the president's a job.
Like nobody forgets it.
It's like managing people, inspiring people, taking responsibility.
Not, I mean, this is, imagine if your, your life was falling apart and you went, your family's life was falling apart.
And your father, instead of like going out there trying to get another job, was like blaming your little brother, complaining about the food your mother was making, being like, he's a scumbag, you know?
Bet, you know?
Any, any, anything.
I mean, this guy's.
He's been outsourcing his room cleaning.
Right.
Just he, Trump is, you'd never want a guy like that as a leader.
He doesn't take any responsibility.
He's petty.
He's vindictive.
He just pits people against each other.
He pours gasoline.
Like if somebody comes in, I've worked in offices.
Somebody comes in.
They have a bad day.
You try to get them on the right track.
You don't turn around in the whole office and go, look at Mary.
She's weak.
You can't do that.
As a leader, look at Mary overusing her bathroom privileges.
Mary's weak.
She can't handle it.
You can't do that unless you are.
And rumor has it she duplicated the key to the bathroom.
She duplicated it.
But if you're a fly-by-nikon artist, you can do that because what you're really doing, Trump just licenses his name.
The only value is in his name.
And then people buy, he's not this amazing business guy.
I mean, what he is good at is being famous.
And if you're famous, you could just treat people like shit.
It doesn't matter.
But I also think, though, that he wants to be, even if the business is shady and other people don't like it, that he applies those same concepts to a lot of things that in America would seem more like traditional stances.
Like, okay, let's stay a part of the World Health Organization and the CDC because of just how it looks, how it makes the rest of the countries feel.
But he's like, this organization hasn't done shit.
You know, if you look at the pluses and minuses, it hasn't done shit.
They haven't made it.
And it's not that everything he does is wrong.
It's there's a way to do it.
Right.
And there's a way to do it that doesn't feel like we're heading towards civil war.
Yeah.
There's a way.
You know what I mean?
Like, but he also.
Right.
I agree.
And I'm with you.
Right.
I think these.
These multinational, these, these institutions like the UN, the CDC, the WHO, they're all corrupt.
They all have a litany of problems.
And America does foot the bill for a lot of things and not get any benefit out of it, right?
But there's a way to disentangle yourself from those systems without, it's just the way you do it.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, it's the way you do it.
Yeah, he just doesn't have his bedside manner is for funerals only.
It's for funerals only.
It's a guy, like Bill Burr said, it's a guy that just lived on the top of a building his whole life.
And this is the way they talk.
This is the way they talk.
I wish you're well.
Weak.
Yeah.
You know?
And that's just not, I think, ideal qualities for a president.
It was fun for a while.
I was on board.
And then Trader Joe's got burnt down.
And I said to myself, like, this will not end.
He won't end.
Like, he will just keep pouring gasoline on this until this entire country is at war with each other.
I'm not even a political guy.
I don't really give a shit.
But I just walk outside.
I look around.
I go, this is probably not good.
I see overturned cop cars.
People are throwing Molotov cocktails.
I'm like, what happened here?
We got to change course a little bit.
Bring in Biden.
Let him sleep in the chair.
Let that old fuck die in the chair.
Who cares?
Weekend at Bernie's.
Who cares?
Just give people health insurance and go back to it being boring.
Just let people get an operation and go back to, let's let entertainers be entertaining.
We don't need the president.
Let's let Jimmy Fallon be funny again.
Let's not chain him to a desk and make him apologize.
He did blackface in 96. Let's let people be funny that should be funny.
And let's get an old, boring person as the president.
What woman is most likely to get busted for blackface in the future?
And we don't know it yet.
I hope it's a fat woman.
That's just because it's funnier to see a fat lady in blackface.
It's like, oh, you did this.
I could see Chelsea Handler having done something at like a during.
Chelsea Handler built her entire career calling a little Mexican guy a nugget.
What's nugget close to?
Someone remind me.
And he died.
Same page.
I just had it up.
Oh, there you go.
What word is nugget similar to?
That's also a two-syllable word that she wished she, you know.
And she culture.
Didn't she appropriate that rapper guy?
Dude, everything she did was cheap race jokes, and now she's walking around like she's Malcolm X. Yeah.
She thinks she's Malcolm X. It's unbelievable.
I did a whole thing on my podcast.
I said, I hope she goes and apologizes for everything America's done wrong.
Like she goes to war zones.
Like she goes, hello, Gaza.
It's me, Chelsea.
That was a documentary.
Hello, Iraq.
It's me, Chelsea.
It's just a bunch of people sitting there.
Chelsea Handler's walking by dressed in Prada.
Why does it end?
Sometimes it feels like a lot of women that they have to take on a political route heavily.
Do you feel that or no?
I think some of it is that.
I think I see a lot of guys doing, and I see a lot of people.
Yeah, maybe it's just everybody.
You know what it is, man?
Nobody can understand when it ends.
Nobody can walk away.
Nobody can walk away.
Nobody can just say, I had a fun time.
I made a shitload of money.
Now I'm out.
Everybody's got to be relevant.
And if politics is relevant, they're political.
If this went the other way and no one cared about politics, she'd be still talking about people eating her out in a Mexican restaurant or whatever the hell she wrote books about.
She's talking about politics because that's where Nuggets last stand.
She'd have a new nugget.
If politics wasn't relevant, Chelsea Andley would be riding seven Mexican guys down the street on her way to a Cinco de Mayo celebration.
The woman wants to be relevant.
I mean, I don't know that she's ever read a book or has any thoughts about anything.
She just understands that racism is bad.
Congratulations.
Good job.
Great job.
We're glad you've come to this.
And here comes someone right here, a beautiful young man right here.
Good looking audience.
I'm impressed with the looks on the audience here.
Thank you, man.
I'll say this.
This is some of the...
Can't see their fans.
They're wanted by the feds.
This is kind of a first to us, too.
It must be a weird Venn diagram of your guys' fans.
The podcast, regular listener, love it.
The only question I have for you is, in relation to something that I'm dealing with right now, where I'm trying to find a better place to live, But I can't because of my horrible fucking credit situation.
I owe so much money to creditors because of chemotherapy.
And I'm not going to fucking pay it.
Even if I do, I'm just going to keep having these deliberate artists on my credit report.
I'm wondering what you did with your horrible credit to be able to rent stunning real estate out in the middle of the desert because that is what I was trying to do.
If you see this question and reply to it, I greatly appreciate it.
Well, number one, let me say it was a little irresponsible of you to get cancer.
Yeah.
That was a little irresponsible.
Especially if you can't.
You don't see me going out and getting cancer.
I can't afford it.
Especially during this time.
Yeah, cancer is also one of the things.
I do want to say it's a luxury.
It's a luxury.
Here's, I'll be very serious for a minute.
You can do credit repair and all that bullshit.
I have to pay upfront for everything.
So if I get an apartment, I got to pay 12 months in advance because my credit sucks.
So I have to pay upfront for everything I get because I put myself in that position.
But I work my ass off.
I'm doing good on the podcast or whatever.
But I mean, you want to repair the credit because that's, but the good, if you can save a little cash, people might take, if you have a bad credit score, people might take three months up front now.
Right.
You want that cash.
And you might be able to negotiate better.
So if it's $3,000 a month, you could say, look, I'll give you $2,400 and I'll pay you five months up front.
So, yeah.
Also, this is going to lead right into our ad for Bridge Credit Solutions.
Ooh, nice.
Which is a company that's fixing my credit right now.
And they're great.
And I'll connect you with the guy too.
Jeez.
No, I legitimately need it.
JJ's awesome, man.
I got to let you guys know that Bridge Credit Solutions is what I'm talking about.
I have a refinance on my apartment, which is in Louisiana.
And I was Airbnb in it, and now I can't.
And I got to get that refi.
But the bank won't give me that refi because I have some dings on me credit.
Yeah, I got a couple of, you know, just a couple of, just made some poor choices.
Missed a payment, you know, missed two payments, actually.
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What else did I want to talk about?
Nick, do you remember anything else we wanted to talk about?
I mean, oh, I guess the.
I don't know.
We covered a lot of stuff.
We covered a lot.
We've been talking for a while now?
Yeah.
Hour and a half.
Wow.
Oh, you're going to Spade's Dinner tonight, aren't you?
I think so, yeah.
I think so.
Maybe?
I'm pretty sure.
Is it outside?
It's his birthday.
Is it his birthday?
I didn't know it was his birthday.
He just didn't say.
I'm getting Del Taco after this, though.
I just need a taco.
Oh.
Just hold me over.
Tucker Carlson, New York Times, released his address.
Did they?
See, I only claimed that they were going to.
I literally only saw it from your shit.
They do shit like that.
They did it with, like, I just get, you know, listen, man, I don't watch Tucker.
I don't care.
Sometimes he says something.
I'm like, that makes sense.
Sometimes he says something.
I'm like, that's wrong.
I love all these people that are so committed to like hating a guy or loving a guy.
I'm like, who?
What?
I just watch the guy every now and then I go, yeah, I don't think so.
How did we get there, though?
How do we get where people, because I notice sometimes I'll notice I'll fall into it if I really let myself.
But then I notice I'm not an activist.
Right.
Like people crave, there's a few things about people.
They crave drama.
They crave fights.
It's back to the days of the Roman Coliseum.
They like to see combat.
Now there is no real combat right now.
So a lot of people are sitting on a couch and they're on computer.
So the combat is all internet.
It's all digital.
They love that.
I also think that people are just, they want to be slaves.
People want to generally be in a group and to have allies and then to have another group that they hate.
It's just what it is.
And it's like, I don't know what that is.
Somebody might be able to explain that, behavioral psychologist or somebody.
I don't know.
People just like having friends that they connect with and they get these friends by having the same enemies and the same allies.
So you can't look at a guy like Tucker Carlson and go, he's a human being, and then he might be wrong about things.
You look at him as an enemy of you.
He's a direct enemy of you because he espouses a different political ideology because you think that he's making life unsafe for people because of what he believes.
And some of that might have some relevance, you know, like I get it.
If you're an undocumented immigrant, you know, obviously your opinion of Trump is probably very different than a guy like me who has a luxury of being like, hey, I'm not getting deported, right?
That doesn't mean every political argument you're ever going to have, there's real life consequences and real people are going to be affected.
That doesn't mean you can't have a political argument about immigration.
Doesn't mean you can't talk about abortion.
Yeah, some people think that once they're in one lane, that they have to stay in that lane for everything.
Yeah.
Or they think that if they can, you know, yeah, school shootings are horrible.
I don't want them to happen.
I'm for all kinds of gun regulations.
But just because people, real people, are affected by something, I mean, the reason we're talking about it is because people are affected.
The reason it's an issue in general is because people are affected.
And if you shut down dialogue, then what are people supposed to do?
So these emotional appeals that a lot of people have on the left and the right where they're just like, but what about that kids?
What about that?
It's like, yeah, but how did we get here?
How do we get to the kids in the cages?
It's not having an immigration policy.
It's not having any agreed upon policy.
And that's how we got here.
So we need to figure out a way to have a policy that makes sense.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And there has to be, it's also like we always want everyone else to do everything.
It's like the government, all of it is just society.
It's just the best we can do right now.
Right.
It's like some people act like every, everything should be different.
Everything should be different.
If it was supposed to be different right now, it would be different.
This is the best we can do to have one of the best societies in the world.
I wonder if sometimes my boomer parents might make fun of all the time, but like sometimes my dad was right when he was just like, like every time somebody bring up politics, my father would just be like, I can't get involved.
Yeah.
It's really the best thing.
He goes, I just can't get involved.
Like, like he just, like, like there's a certain level of like, if you're going to get in it, get in it.
Run for something.
Yeah.
Really get in there.
But we can't have a society where every fucking human being is a cable news anchor.
Yeah.
We can't.
I can't be in line at Starbucks and people are, you know, in a heated political debate at 8 o'clock in the morning.
We can't do it.
Well, it's unhealthy.
There's more to life.
That's the other thing about politics, dude.
It's more to life.
Go camping.
Go fall in love.
Go love someone.
Go do something.
Go read a book.
Go love someone.
And it really gets so, it's such an addictive thing.
And it's funny, like, the biggest addiction in the world right now really is people consuming things that they, like, like the news, really, media that they know is bad for them.
They know is bad.
But they wake up and they go to it again and again.
Let's just do it.
Yeah.
Let's just do it anyway.
And they know it's bad.
And it's an, bro, that is an addiction because they do it to feed something inside of themselves.
They do it because it's easier for you to sit there and be angry.
Any of us, and I don't mean someone, but all of us, it's easier for us to sit there and be angry than it is to take action and make our lives better.
100%.
100%.
And I think this is an escape.
And I think people escape into this world instead of fixing the world that is very close to them.
Yeah.
Like they're related to the people who are in the world.
We think about that a lot.
And it's hard to remember sometimes, but we try and think about that a lot in here.
Dude, thanks so much, man.
Thank you.
Tell me about your podcast, too, again.
Tim Dylan Show.
It's on YouTube and all the other places.
You'll get it.
And, you know, we put it out once a week.
Then we have a Patreon.
If you like it so much, you want an extra episode.
We do an extra episode a week.
And that is at thepatreon.com, TheTim Dylan Show.
Yeah, that's awesome.
We're Patreon subscribers to his, aren't we?
Yeah, yeah.
So we have a lot of fun, and I enjoy it.
And that's, you know, the future until, you know, maybe forever.
Have you thought about coming out with a different type of show at some point?
Do you start to think about that?
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Because I get bored.
We all get bored.
We all do something.
We get good at it.
Then we get bored.
And you have a co-host, right?
Well, I have a producer who every now and then he chats.
And he chats every now and then.
But for the most part, he just sits there and just fucking me.
They're not there to pipe down.
Hey, pipe down.
Yeah.
Nick will sometimes bring up his home state, you know, constantly or something.
Every now and then, Joe Rogan's got to give Jamie Vernon a death stare.
Should have him a death stare.
You want to get your head kicked off right now?
Press the button.
Check out Tim Dillon's show.
I'll see you later tonight.
Yeah.
Thank you so much for coming in, brother.
You bet.
I appreciate it.
Now I'm just floating on the breeze.
And I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
I must be cornerstone.
Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this piece of mind.
I found I can feel it in my bones.
But it's gonna take a little time for me to set that parking break and let myself on my shine.
Find that light on me I'll sit and tell you my stories Shine on me And I will find a song I will sing it just for you And I will find a song
Now I've been moving way too fast on the runaway train with a heavy load of high pants.
And these wheels that I've been riding on, they're walls so thin that they're damn near gone.
I guess now they just were built to land.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
The answer may shock you.
Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
Sometimes I won't.
And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
You have three new voice messages.
A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else.
So great.
Hi, Sweetheart.
Easy to do.
Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy-bloody wika.
Charmaine.
Hi, I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.
Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
Oh, no!
I think Tom Hanks just buttiled me.
Anyway, first rule of Kai Club is tell everyone about Kai Club.
Second rule of Kai Club is tell everyone about Kai Club.
Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on YouTube, yeah?
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