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April 27, 2020 - This Past Weekend - Theo Von
01:53:12
Ladies Night | This Past Weekend #275

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Amen, baby.
Amen.
And B-men, too.
A lot of second-level dudes out there.
A lot of B-men as well.
You know that.
You know who you are.
Remember Ladies' Night?
Remember that Lady's Night?
It's Ladies Night.
That was always, I felt like the biggest crock of shit, you know?
Like, dude, it's Ladies' Night.
I would always have a friend and not even a friend, sometimes just an enemy that, or just a buddy, someone I knew that drank and could walk to a bar.
And be like, bruh, it's ladies night.
It's ladies' night over there.
It's ladies' night, dude.
Down at the smoking onion, bro.
You in or you out?
And like, dude, come on, man.
We ain't getting no ladies, bro.
Come on, man.
We ain't getting no ladies, buddy.
Every time we go out, we get zero ladies.
You think tonight you think tonight something's going to be different?
That the cooter fairy is just going to come and hit us with that cooter wand or something?
No.
You got to recognize that, you know, it's late.
Come on, bro.
It's ladies' night.
Mang, come on.
Dude, you know good and well if you and me are in it, man.
It ain't damn ladies' night, bro.
It's going to be, you and me are going to get there.
We're going to pay that cover.
And they always put like a lady by the door so it looks like there's ladies.
And they make you wait in the line.
You get in there.
And they got one lady there.
It's just a coat lady.
She's taking people's coats.
And we live in Louisiana.
Nobody has a damn coat.
So that's a really waste of fixed costs right there.
I mean, that lady's just doing nothing.
Sometimes you'll see somebody has a tank top, you know, if somebody wore a double tank in there.
And they shed one and give it to the girl.
Keep her employed, you know, keep little Tiffany employed or little Daphne or whatever.
You know, named after somebody who doesn't know how to pronounce flowers, you know, Daphne Dills.
But man, it's ladies.
Come on.
Dude, it ain't.
Bro, when we go, we've been going places for years, man.
And we ain't got no ladies, bro.
We ain't got no ladies, man.
The last lady's night we went to, I had to hold your waist while you vomited because the upheaval was too much for your body to handle because you don't have a strong spine, man.
You know exactly what I'm talking about.
So I'm just trying to be honest, man.
I'm just trying to be honest and just do whatever I can or also do whatever I can't.
You know that.
All right, let's kick this bad animal right in the freaking ball bag.
You got it?
Tie up your, tie your own tubes, you know.
Dude, I used to know this tough girl.
Real, real tough.
Kind of girl, man, you know, she chose not to pass gas sometimes because she liked to keep that pressure in her body.
That kind of girl, like, that's a real kind of girl just snatch a damn goat off a bridge, just walk out.
You feel me?
The kind of girl who would walk out on a windy day and just take her damn breaths out and just look mother nature right in the eyes and say, bring it on, bitch.
You know, tough girl.
And, oh, shit, I don't know what I'm going to tell you guys.
But let's get into this episode, man.
What did I say?
I used to know a tough girl, bro.
Tough girl.
It's ladies.
Come on.
Well, it ain't.
When you and me go, dog, it ain't never ladies and ain't, man.
Dude, it ain't never.
Dude, you got beat up.
Remember one time we were walking to a place, me and my buddy, and he got beat up by the dude with the, we went going to a happy hour.
He got beat up by a brother with one of those tax guy signs.
You know, he got beat up by a black statue of liberty with a tax guy sign.
So it ain't never ladies' night, man.
Come on, let's go.
Alright, let's get into it.
Let's get into it.
Let's get into it.
High up and mountain, mountain, setting it free Just don't say goodbye Come on Why
must we wait when we're alive?
It's late's night Hello and thank you for joining me and joining yourself here and this is it baby This is it.
This is that cupcake that life made us and I'll tell you be honest with you right now.
There ain't much frosting on that sugar piece right now There ain't much frosting There ain't much frosting on the dessert right now is there It's cake only baby And it's a lot of bootleg cake a lot of bootleg cake we're digesting right now You know you uh you know I went for a jog here's one thing
that's just really boiling boiling my beef And I mean when I mean boiling my beef is when I'm going for a jog and a jog, you know, it's you know you want to run but you you can't run because you're not that fast.
So you jog.
It's basically what white people started doing because we, you know, we wanted to, when black people started running, we were like, oh shit, we're not running.
We're kind of jogging.
So let's rename it.
And so that's how that really shook down to be factual or historical.
You know, because black people were fast, man.
I mean, they had, what was it?
They used to, they used to have the Runderground Railroad, bro.
If you went on that, that's where Carl Lewis came from.
The Runderground Railroad, dog, you just go down there.
You'd have a white dude had to get in a train just to even keep up with the black guys on that thing.
So there's a lot of speed coming out of the black community in the 1800s, early 1900s.
But, oh, here, what I'm noticing is I'll go for a jog, right?
I'll go for a, or what I call a white run.
And I'll go for that really, you know, I'll go for a white run and I'm passing other joggers, you know, constituents, you know, foot constituents.
And they don't wave.
And that just bees my B, okay?
Boils my beef, buddy.
If I'm running and you are also running and we pass by each other and you don't wanna, you don't wave?
We're in a pandemic.
This could be the end of time.
You know, this might have been when Mother Nature set her alarm.
And you're not even, you just, you're, I'm out here doing my best.
You're doing your best.
You're not going to give me a hello, a piece, a thumb up.
Give me a thumb up.
Man, it gets me.
Because especially if you're doing fitness, if you're out there, you know, I get out there.
I'm doing full body fitness.
I'm running, keeping my chest forward when I run, trying not to arch my back too much.
You know, I don't want them gay dudes flexing.
Because you, and, you know, this is Los Angeles, man.
This is really, this is, you know, this is a hotbed really for homosexuality and adult gay.
So you, if you're running with a, and you're a male and they, and a lot of these men see you, they want it.
And that's nature, man.
That's not an, there's no judgment there.
That's nature.
It's like, say, if you are, if you like, you know, you know, burgers or snacks, you could get drive-through meals.
Say you like drive-through meals and you're walking somewhere and somebody throws a cheeseburger right in front of you.
I guarantee you might not reach for that bitch, but you're going to follow it with your eyes and see where it lands.
And then you're going to consider things and maybe make a choice.
But shit, what was I talking about, dude?
Oh, yeah.
You got to be careful.
A lot of men out there, if you go running.
But anyway, if I'm running and I jog past someone and they don't acknowledge, that's what it gets me.
You know, that just gets my damn gander.
It just gets my gander in a gandoff, boy.
And just, God, God dang it.
Like, what, what?
I just went a mile, bro.
You just went a mile.
You're not going to hay?
And that's the kind of shit makes me question how we're doing, how we're doing as a species.
You know?
And I see some, man, I'll tell you this.
I see a lot of fast Asians out there, a lot of FAs, and they don't touch the ground when they run.
You see an Asian, they really, They run like the world is hot.
They run kind of their legs are a little bit, they always run at the stoplight.
A lot of Asians are those people that will continue to run at a stoplight.
They don't stop.
I'll stop.
I'll push the button.
I'll fist bump the homeless dude that's there.
We give him a couple coins, a couple dime pieces or whatever, a couple 10 pieces.
But an Asian, they just keep, they're ready to rock.
So yeah, that's been something I've been dealing with when I've been doing a lot of miles in the area.
And I've been running, I've been running.
And it feels good.
I kind of started to get a little bit out of my comfort zone.
You know, because your comfort zone, man, can really can really be your coffin.
And so I used to only run two miles and I hated it.
I hated every step.
I hated the beginning of the run.
I hated the end.
I hated the part between the beginning and the end.
So all of it.
And when I started, when I, but one day I said, you know what?
I'm going to run.
I had a little bit extra energy.
And energy is just that, it's just that, it's kind of when God just says, all right, here you go, bro.
And hooks you up with some free shit.
You know?
All right, here you go, bro.
Here's a little scoop of marmalade, bro, in your heart.
Now go, go, go, boy, go.
And so I had a little extra energy.
So I said, you know what?
I'm going to take a different route.
And when I changed my route, that really changed everything for me with running.
Because suddenly it was a little bit more of an adventure.
It wasn't the same old, same old.
And next thing you know, I'd gone like a quarter mile further.
So I'm doing time.
You know, I'm out there.
You know what I'm saying?
I'm doing, you know, I'm doing time like the future, bro.
I'm out there.
And so then the next time I ran, I said, oh, man, I'm going to go do that new trek again.
Now it was exciting to me.
And then next thing you know, I said, oh, you know what?
I'm going to go two and a half miles.
I'm doing two and a quarter.
I'll do two and a half, bro.
You know, I'll burn another quarter of this bad bitch.
You know, I'll serve another slice of bad bitch bacon to myself.
And so next thing you know, now I'm at two and a half.
And now I'm like, you know what?
I'm going to see how fast I'm going.
I'm going to keep time for myself, make it a little bit of a game, make it a little bit of a challenge or chalance, French challenge.
And so then it adds up.
And next thing you know, I'm running.
And I'm doing three mile, tree and a half, bro.
Tree and a quarter stars.
Yeah, so anyway, that's been my adventure.
That's been my experience and my adventure with running.
And now, you know, I'll go do three and three quarter miles.
I did it today.
I walked the last three quarter miles, though, because I just got it, like had like an attitude, kind of a little bit of a, kind of a, not a meltdown, but like a just, they had a fucking homeless dude and he was shadow boxing over by the interstate.
And I jog right by the interstate, bro, because that's who I am.
Some people jog safe areas, bro.
Fuck that.
Dude, I want to be by the interstate.
I want to hear a van going by.
You know, I want to hear that bitch going right by my ear.
I want to be able to hear somebody inside a van, inside a shitty van.
I want to hear two kids, two fat kids in the back of a shitty van sipping a shasta.
That's how close I want that van to be.
You know, I like to be right on the edge because I'll run faster, I feel like if I know that the Grim Reaper kind of has one eye on me.
You know, and I've always been like that.
But yeah, so anyway, I like to run out there and this dude, they had a, I don't want to say homeless, but this guy was definitely, you know, covered in dirt and looked like he didn't know where his parents were at.
And he was probably about 38. So, you know, he could have been, he could have been, no, he couldn't.
Yeah, this is a homeless guy.
Anyway, he's out there shadow boxing, and it looked like he had shadow boxed under some real, under some good trainers.
You know, it looked like maybe Tony Jeffries or something had, you know, had trained him at one point.
Like the guy had some skills.
So I had to go even further around and I got pissed.
And then at one point, he threw a glass item at me.
And so that shit made me, I felt like I needed to be a little bit more on alert.
So that's when I shut the run down and just went into a little bit more of defense mode and just kind of kept my eye on the premises in the area while I went by.
Because there's a lot of homeless are stacking up around me.
It's getting pretty stacky in the vagrancy department out here.
But anyway, it's ladies' night.
Hey, you get in there.
There's like some drunk girl.
And she's hooking up with the bartender.
She won't shut up.
She's like, I'm a junior.
And you're like, damn, I just want to buy this biatch a hot air balloon and fill the tank up with freaking with gasoline and launch that biatch, you know, out over the ocean and see what God wants to do.
But thank you guys.
Thank you guys for supporting me.
I hope you're having a good week.
You know, I was dealing with some depression, honestly, man, this past weekend.
So I've been trying to find my way out of that funk.
You know, I hate feeling like that.
And I hate sometimes, and I'm not trying to, you know, I just, I hate Feeling like that, man.
I hate it when I feel that way.
But I'm learning to be a little less hard on myself and just say, you know, sometimes not every moment is going to be, you know, not every moment is going to be a mountaintop.
You know, and sometimes you're going to be, you're going to feel low down and you're going to feel like somebody's just like the world just has a shovel and it just keeps hitting you in the head because you feel so low in the dirt.
So, yeah, I've been trying to just get out of some of that.
And so that's why I try to do a little bit more running.
You know, and just trying to take care of myself.
Sometimes it's hard for me to want to take care of myself.
It's hard, man.
It's hard.
And I don't even know why sometimes, why, you know, God gives me so many gifts, so many, you know, blessings in my life.
And I still don't want to sometimes take care of myself.
I don't want to do what's best for me.
I want to be, you know, I want to be lazier.
I want to be, you know, I want to dance, you know, just not take care of myself.
Just not do, you know, I want to sulk.
I want to be, what is it called?
I want to have self-pity.
You know, I want to do all of that instead.
And that's how I know, you know, depression is a real thing and anxiety, that kind of stuff, that's real stuff.
You know, and that's, and that is some of the dark arts.
And we've been saying that.
And I know a lot of people are going through that.
You know, there's a lot of time, you know, we're just by ourselves.
Dude, my couch, if you look at my couch has one big ass cushion.
You know, because it costs extra if you want them to cut that cushion into three pieces.
It costs extra if you want it cut.
You know, that's like when I used to work over there at BJ's Pizza over there by Clayburn Hill.
And they say, all right, we want that large.
We want that large meat.
Because that's what we had.
We had meat and non-meat.
Those were our lead pies.
And they said, all right, and then for 60 cents extra, we'll cut that bitch up.
But if you're trying to save money, if you cutting corners, then we ain't cutting that pie, baby.
So, but yeah, you know, anyway, I'm not trying to delve, I'm not trying to dwell, but yeah, you know, my sofa looked like, I mean, damn, that thing looked like, you ever see a picture of the ocean when they say the ocean, if it's empty, or what it looks like at the bottom?
That's how my sofa cushion is starting to look.
Like that thing has been in a damn gangbang with my fat ass.
And it is, uh, it has not been winning.
So yeah, just trying to stay motivated and get moving and just get my feet moving and doing the things I know, talking to friends and not isolating.
You know, my, when I start feeling depressed, man, it's isolation is what I want to do, but it's not what really helps me.
And then when I feel depressed, man, I can't see my blessings.
I can't see the good things that are out there looking for me.
Because the Lord threw a lot of chocolates out in my life, man, and these bitches are looking for me.
And I'm not talking about sisters, bro.
I'm talking about real, you know, just sweet options.
You know, there's a lot of, if I want to see the good, it's always there.
It's just a matter if I really want to look for it or not.
Or not even if I really want to look for it, just if I want to see it for what it is.
Anyway, I'm kind of rambling, but I'm just, you know, I know some people are probably struggling right now.
And I'm trying to be a leader for myself.
I was, you know, I was thinking about leadership and just, man, sometimes it's hard to be.
You know, it sucks sometimes when you were responsible for yourself.
Sometimes that sucks.
Like, damn, can't, you know, sometimes I want to wish that we were all lived in some matrix or matriarch or something where something was controlling all of us just so it wasn't my responsibility.
You know, I don't want my life.
Sometimes I don't want my life to be my responsibility.
Sometimes.
And it used to be all the time for me, man, when I was younger, but that shit.
Damn.
I didn't want, I didn't want to.
Last thing I wanted to do.
Is be responsible for myself.
But, you know, we do, you know, I've just been trying to do the things that are different.
You know, I've been trying to take action and be grateful and do things like that.
So that's where we are.
And that's where we are today.
And I'm grateful for you guys.
We got a lot of nice calls that came into the hotline.
985-664-9503.
And, you know, we had, you know, I wanted to see about crime out there.
Because when, you know, you know a lot of crime.
I mean, I almost got hit by a damn, you know, a homeless guy slinging glass out there.
And homeless dudes, you don't know what they'll break out, whatever.
That dude, you know what I'm saying?
You'll bring a knife to a damn lawnmower fight or he'll break out a side of a boat.
You're like, damn, this guy's got about to beat my ass with a damn, you know, with a starboard.
So they're playing on a different ball field.
You know, you'll bring a baseball bat and he'll bring a fucking, you know, he'll bring two escalator stairs.
You're like, damn, this guy.
This dude ain't playing, man.
He's about to beat the updown out of me, bro.
This guy's about to beat the damn up down out of me.
We had some calls that came in.
I wanted to hear how different places in the world were dealing with what your corona was like, your corona time.
And so we got some calls that came in here right here.
This is Nicole from Malaysia and beautiful place over there.
Malaysia.
And I actually saw a couple of monkeys over there steal a bag of chips from a thick, thick urban chick.
And they went at least two rounds, bro.
You thought it was going to end there, but you know, a big girl don't want to lose that chip sack.
Gang shit onward.
Hey, Theo, it's Nicole calling from Penang, Malaysia.
Hey, Nicole, and thank you for calling in from Penang there.
And Malaysia, I don't know.
I've been to Malaysia, actually.
I just told you that.
And it's, man, it's like the beach went to the beach.
That's how that's how beachy it is.
And it's humid.
Dude, I remember I took my shirt off and they had two goldfish swimming in my belly button.
I mean, it's that, it's humid.
You'll find a damn starfish come out from under your arm.
Onward.
In one of your recent episodes, you said you wanted to hear from more people who live internationally.
We're still in quarantine over here and we probably will be until the end of Ramadan, which is near the end of May, because they're real worried about people having large gatherings for Ramadan since it's a majority Muslim country.
Shout out Muslims, brother.
Shout out Slims, baby, all day onward.
Even though we don't have a lot of cases at all, we're going to be in lockdown for a while longer, which sucks.
And I'm a senior in high school, so we're all just hoping that they'll ease up on the restrictions in time for us to have graduation because we really don't want to miss that.
It's crazy here because it's actually illegal to exercise outside, so we can't run or walk our dogs or bike outside at all.
And I got stopped by the police for going on a run by myself.
So you can't really be outside at all unless you have evidence that you're going to the grocery store.
And that's the only time when you can be outside.
So that kind of sucks because we're really locked in here.
Wow.
Oh, thank you, Nicole.
Thanks for that message.
Wow.
I can't believe you guys are really, I mean, you can't even take a dog.
Yeah, I guess you just have to have a dog.
Just teach a dog to what urinate inside or use a toilet.
Wow.
That's bad.
That's insane.
But that's beautiful.
I'm glad that, you know, I'm glad that that's that, you know, you guys are able to, I guess, help the animals like that.
But yeah, I mean, that makes me think at least I can go for a run, you know?
And wow, you can't exercise.
You got stopped by the police for just for fitness.
Dude, that reminds me.
One time I was jogging in the Midwest and I was in a real, and that's the real thick belt.
I don't know if you've been through the Midwest, but damn, you won't, I mean, you'll have a thigh, you know, your thigh will just show up out of nowhere.
They got a damn somebody down, you know, you'll see some fella got hamstrings with real ham on them.
You're like, dang, boy.
That's a salty back.
That's that salty back strap.
And I was going for a jog and somebody stopped.
Some guy's like, he pulled over.
He's like, you okay?
What's happening, buddy?
All right.
What's going on?
I was like, huh, I'm just, he's like, what are you running from, man?
You scared of something?
Like, nah, man, this is fitness, buddy.
I'm doing fitness.
I'm an adult, man.
But wow, we're really putting that in perspective to be in school and not know if you'll be able to have that graduation experience.
Wow.
You know, that puts it into perspective for me for sure.
You know, we got a lot to be grateful for.
And I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that you're dealing with that.
Your attitude seems really good, though, Nicole.
I appreciate you sharing that with me.
And, you know, and just sharing a little bit of what's going on over there.
And then, wow, yeah, if it comes into religious territory, which I like, you know, I like there being some religion.
And you didn't sound negative about it, and I appreciate that, you know, not that you would, but, you know, I think it's a good time for people to have faith and the fact that, you know, people are going to say, okay, not only have I been going through this, but that doesn't negate that I'm going to try and still have my faith.
You know, because if I, you know what I'm saying, I've been a half, I've been one of those kind of half-breed Christians, you know, where I, you know, my faith is always, you know, I grew up, I didn't really have a lot.
You know, I was around a lot of it.
And we would go to church and stuff, but in my heart, I didn't really know much.
But so that's real special that people are able to have faith and, you know, that they're not letting that discount saying, okay, well, look, you know, we did the COVID, so now we don't have to do, you know, We don't have to do the fasting, we don't have to do this or that.
That's pretty powerful.
But thank you, thank you for that update from the Malay.
The Malay people over there are beautiful.
All right, let's take another call here, and this is from Prague right here.
And this is Sean Hotchman.
Let's go, Hotch.
Hey, Theo, this is Sean.
I'm in Prague in the Czech Republic.
Thank you for calling Sean from Czech Republic.
And when I actually visited there, they had a man pickpocketed me.
And this guy was small.
This guy had the smallest damn hands, bro.
You couldn't even...
I mean, this guy...
You could barely feel, you know, he could put, dude, he could almost put both hands and both feet in your pocket and you couldn't feel it.
Think about that.
Think about having four appendages in a damn pant pocket and you can't even feel the person in there and that's dark magic right there.
Let's hear more.
Wanted to see how things were elsewhere in the world.
We've been on lockdown for about six weeks now.
Things are slowly starting to get back to normal.
As you can see, there's a bunch of other people out here on the bridge.
Still, everybody wears their mask outside, but people are starting to go back out to the parks.
Some of the stores are up and packed up.
And I think by the middle of June, things might be getting back to being more or less normal.
Looks like the borders are going to be closed for the rest of the summer, but maybe after this is all done, you can find another European tour.
Glad to see you.
Bye.
Gang.
Thanks, Sean.
Interesting.
So yeah, that sounds pretty similar.
I think things are starting to loop.
People are starting to loosen up.
Make the choice.
Some people.
You know, and that's what life is like that.
It's just a, you know, it's a lot of just Hansel and Gretelen.
That's who we are, really.
We, you know, we're curious creatures.
Damn it.
I'm sorry, Sean.
But, yeah, you get that, you know, I notice it too.
The traffic's getting more in Los Angeles.
People are doing more things.
More thoughts trying to holler.
More gay dudes even.
You know, out here in LA, there's a thing now.
If you go running, if you go running on your feet and without a mask, that is a, apparently it's like a pickup thing for men that like other, that like other men.
And so it's like the new, remember if you used to put your foot out under the bathroom stall wall in Minnesota or whatever, you know, you used to drop that boot over there in that other dude's little shitter.
And then bam, next thing you know, y'all playing freaking hide that Rodney.
But what were we talking about?
But what I'm telling you is, or what I'm sharing right now is just that, yeah, people are going to make their own choices.
And so I understand when some people are like, we need to liberate.
We need to, you know, I was talking to my brother-in-law or something.
I think we might be second cousins or not second cousins, but I don't know.
Somebody fucked somebody, honestly.
And that's how we're, you know, cousin-in-law.
And he was saying, well, like, you have counties in Texas where they had four cases of it.
So what do those people do?
Like, they, you know, how do they get back to work?
How do they, they can't start their universe back up?
So it's tricky, man.
It's tricky to see.
But I think humans, you know, we're going to have our own sense at a certain point of when's okay to venture back out and to get things popping and to, you know, feel the world and know if it's safe.
And know if it's safe for us and what our level, what, what's safe for me?
You know, I'm risky.
You know, I'm that risky biscuit.
You know what I'm saying?
You could put jam on me, bruh.
You could put pepper.
You could put damn rubber cement on my back.
You know what I'm saying?
I'm still a snack, dog.
So, gang shit, you feel me?
But thank you for sharing.
And this is beautiful.
And both of these last two callers were from on video.
So if you're watching on YouTube, you can see these people's beautiful faces.
And Sean is from right here on a famous bridge right there in Prague.
Let me see.
Famous bridge in Prague.
And that bridge is called the Charles Bridge.
Named after a white.
So, beautiful, man.
Thank you, brother.
Thanks for calling in and be safe over there.
And yeah, it's definitely like people's idea of what's safe is different.
People's idea of what's safe is different.
I did read that there are now 50,000 deaths in the U.S. from COVID-19, coronavirus.
And every year the pneumonia gets that many people as well.
Every year, pneumonia does.
And I really believe that if we didn't have, if 20 years ago this happened, I don't think you would have heard anything about it.
I really don't.
I don't think you would have heard anything about it.
I think it would have just been like, oh, this year is a strong flu season.
We have a flu that's lasted late.
And I think that that's where it kind of would have landed.
But now you have the 24-hour news cycle, so you got to fill that news bank.
You have to do it.
There used to be two hours of news.
There was morning news and there was evening news.
And then they would do a late evening in case you was by over, you know, you had a little side piece over and y'all wanted to Do you know we'll look at something before y'all went over there and touched each other's bodies or something or split a steak or something?
But now it's 24. So they used to be able to pack the whole news into those three hours.
And some of the stories would double over.
Now there's 21 more hours of news.
So they got to fill that with something.
And that's where I think hysteria really began, where the news is like, okay, what can we do?
And then at a certain point, what's selling for us?
What's keeping people hooked on the screen?
So I really believe that.
And I really believe that if we didn't have the 24-hour news cycle, that this would just be kind of a strong flu season that had came and gone.
Now, I know that this is stronger.
This thing has a higher kill rate than other flus.
But I just think that's what it would have been.
But hey, what do I know, right?
And I might be wrong also.
So really good chance of that.
Let's take one more video call that came in.
And this is a gentleman from Dubai right here.
Gang.
What's up, Theo?
This is Hunter checking in from Dubai, United Arab Emirates Game Gang.
What's up, Hunter?
Thank you for checking in, brother, from Dubai onward.
Just wanted to give you some insight on what's going down in this country.
It's pretty strict right now.
We have handled it well, and it's been kind of contained to one busier area, the city.
And everywhere else is doing pretty good.
But you have to apply for a permit anytime you go outside.
Anytime.
And now they've restricted it to where you can only leave and go places every three days.
So we're kind of just huddled up, hunked down.
But shout out to companies like Kareem and Zamato.
That's like our version of Postmates.
They're delivering food still.
Other than that, Divide's interesting.
It's definitely still kind of a third world country scenario.
But pre-COVID, it was very almost overemployed.
There's virtually no unemployment, no homelessness.
To that, though, there is a dark side.
These guys aren't.
These guys from like Karachi, Pakistan, Dhaka, Bangladesh, and various places like that, they're just, they're not getting paid well in its rough living scenarios.
And because of this, now they're just not working at all.
So there's actually been a spike in homelessness and people who are stranded and the airports are closed so they can't get back to their home country.
So that is a sad thing to see.
But other than that, we're holding it down.
Thanks for everything you do.
Gang, gang.
Gang, bro.
Thank you, Hunter, for that message, man.
And that's information as well as a message.
Wow.
Yeah, you don't think of that.
You know, I mean, it's, I mean, you do think of it.
Maybe you do.
That the whole, you know, it's in every place it's going on.
And I'm not trying to, this isn't like a, I'm not trying to make this be a downer thing.
I'm trying to just share what it's like from around the globe.
You know, you know, I'm not trying to make us feel bad about anything.
I'm not trying to feel bad about it.
You know, this is what life is.
Life is, I mean, life, think about what life has been for some people.
Think about some man was born.
Imagine this.
Some man was born somewhere in a forest maybe or, you know, in like a day, like a thick, thick, thick forest.
And he don't know anything.
And he, you know, he grows up and he doesn't, his parents don't have much money or whatever.
And he just, he does woodworking.
He does basic stuff.
And then he, you know, one day he sees maybe like, you know, he sees like a beautiful bird or something.
Maybe a robin, like a red robin, a red-breasted robin.
And that's like, that's like his, the best part of his life.
And he, and then he dies and his family dies.
And that's his life.
His life with that one thing when he saw that robin, it was everything for him.
That was his, that was his, you know, having a family.
That was his prom.
That was his, you know, getting married.
That was his, that was his, that was the, that was it.
That was his, his life.
And that's a life.
That's a beautiful life.
That's in its own place.
The Robin Man.
But it's different when you get, you know, we're used to like fancier lives, getting to do this and getting to do that.
And now some of that has just been adjusted.
But thank you for that information from there, from Dubai and what it's like and that.
Wow, being stranded, I would hate that.
That would be tough, man, because people are going to do what they're going to do at a certain point.
People are going to buck.
Little Charlie going to buck.
Little Asad going to buck.
Little Yeeham over here.
Or Chin, you know, little Chin strap or whatever your boy's name is, Viet.
People are going to get bucked, dog.
Somebody's going to fucking hum a glass bottle at a jogger.
You know what I'm saying?
People are going to start to bend a little and see what they can do.
You know, I also wanted to know if there was, if law enforcement, how they were dealing with some of the, if there was a spike in crime or what like that.
And we had a, well, we had two officers that called.
I want to get one right here.
Listen to this VM right here.
Okay, here we go.
Let's get the fuzz on the line here.
What's up, CO?
My name's Isaiah, man.
You said any officers of the law.
Call in with your statements about the domestics right now raising up just because of the COVID and everything going on.
Thank you, Isaiah.
Thanks for your service, and thanks for calling in, brother.
Let's hear more.
And yeah, man, it's been crazy out here, dude.
I mean, I think in the month of March alone, domestics, where I'm from, has doubled.
I'm in the Dayton, Ohio area.
Gang shit, Dayton, baby.
Them flyers, huh?
What about your boy Troutman?
I think he just got drafted by the New Island Saints, Boyne.
You know it.
And also, if you've never been to the United Air Force Museum, I think it's called in Dayton, I would go out on a limb to call it probably one of the top six museums in America.
One of the top six American museums or museos, which is Spanish.
Let's hear more, sir.
So we had a domestic a couple weeks back, homeboy sneaking out a fire escape, dude.
He gets down this fire escape, getting out, and he fucking realizes there's no ladder to take him from here to there to the ground.
So he's just stuck up there, you know, shirtless.
He's got his shorts on.
He's like, fuck, man.
We're standing in the alley like, hey, man, you got nowhere to go.
So, you know, that's just a little glimpse of what it's like.
But appreciate you, man.
Keep it up.
Keep up the good work.
Take care.
Thank you, sir.
Appreciate the call.
Yeah.
And that's real.
I mean, a lot of men stranded on the fire escape, aren't they?
I mean, that's just a euphemism.
I mean, that guy should run for mayor of my damn heart because that is just, that should be our national bird.
A shirtless man on a fire escape with nowhere to go.
I mean, name a better one.
Didn't think you could.
That should mean, yeah.
And two officers down there like, look, buddy, look, then jump.
Then jump, buckaroni, okay?
Jump.
If you survived it, I'll take you over there to Buka de Beppa down there.
You know, down by the south side, down by the damn water.
And we'll buy you a freaking pepperoni bread.
Hmm.
But yeah, that's really, oh, that's how I feel, though, a lot of times.
I feel shirtless.
And I feel like I'm just on the fire escape of my own life.
Praise God, brother.
Thank you for that, sir.
And you guys stay safe out there.
But yeah, domestics are going up.
Domestics going up on a Sunday.
You know that shit's getting hot.
You know it's getting hot in the house.
A lot of spouses saying, hey, honey, will you turn the AC on?
It is on.
Okay?
It is on, Ronald.
It's ladies' night.
It is on.
Cut it on, Jack.
The AC is, oh, really?
Dang, because it's hot in here.
It sure is.
That's because we got 200 degrees of your bullshit.
And a lot of these thawdy-ass ladies out there, too, being sneaky and being little snackodactyls.
You know, and texting different men and stuff like this and Facebook and they college heroes and shit.
I'm telling you, man, these domestics, it's because you can't put...
If you put too much fire in a furnace, bruh, something's going to get cooked.
Mmm.
*laughs*
And hey, look, I hate to say it, but we might end up with a few beautiful episodes of Dateline out of all of this.
And I don't want people to die, but I do want more Dateline.
And you just, you know, you got to wonder how that'll all work out.
All right, let's hit the hotline here.
985-664-9503.
And if you've been having a relationship, if you think, you know, if you guys have come to a conclusion that divorce is the deal now for you, and you think it's because of the disease, brother, that's in the air or in the nothing or whatever, in the water, then hit us up and let us know, 985-664-9503.
Here's a call that came in right here.
Mr. Theo Vaughn, this is Doug from Florida.
Oh, what's up, Doug?
And you know, one of my early friends, man, probably maybe one of my first human friends.
This beautiful boy named Doug Huvall.
And he had, I mean, this boy was just chiseled.
His head was real chiseled, like his head had been working out.
Like his head got up early before he even woke up and went to the damn gym and then came and got back on his neck for breakfast, you know, kind of that kind of boy.
And I met him in first grade and he stuttered.
He had a stutter.
Something had happened to him, been hit by something or, you know, or just had a, you know, had that fucking giddy, that little hitch in his giddy.
And he had that, you know, just something, boy.
Like the Lord had just hit him in the damn neck with a one by two, you know?
Nothing heavy, but hardy enough to fucking really sting, you know.
But his name was Doug.
Onward.
Florida, it's a great place to get baptized and also fall into Satanism.
Oh, yeah.
Florida's a great place, man.
If you like pyramid schemes, and if you hope one of your, if you don't mind, one of your kids may be getting kind of, you know, reached at by an adult a little.
But they also got Bush Gardens.
So you can't win them all, baby.
But yeah, a little bit of Satanism, bruh.
Gang, brother.
Onward, brother.
Anyway, man, just like a random coronavirus thought, man.
Dude, I miss shaking people's hands, man.
I'm a handshaker.
I'm just a gentleman, and I want to walk up to another gentleman and shake that motherfucker's hand enthusiastically.
What do you think of a world without handshaking, dude?
There's been talk of the Japanese bow.
I think I'm going to go with the military salute myself.
Anyway, man, what's the future looking like, dude?
Gang, gang, gang, Doug.
Thank you, man.
That's a good question.
What does it look like?
What does the future look like?
You know, who's going to, you know, who's going to be doing what?
You know, what's it going to look like?
I seen a guy the other day who have a Halloween mask on.
He's over there looking like damn he's you know Pokemon and he's picking avocadas out it's unique man it's uh yeah handshake do I want it I like it you know I like it we had a guy calling in the past Drippy Mitts McGillicuddy this beautiful fella this dude I think his name might have been Steven maybe I don't know I don't have the notes in front of me and a beautiful young man and
he had those slippery fronts on his paws you know he had the thing you couldn't even shake his hand because it would just slip in that in and out of you it would slip in and out of your out of your grip like a damn eel like an eel eating freaking jelly or jam and it uh you know so hand shaking the fist bump had kind of taken over a little it's human touch human touch it's
it's disappearing man it's been disappearance you know you try and hug somebody now they act like you a danger you know they you know it's like a second degree assault in la you hug somebody they call it love assault this place over here in hollyweird um what
do i want for the future i like the bow i do think the bow is pretty cool it's very kind of nouveau artsy you know it's a little bit of like kind of a little bit of okay okay you know a little bit of honor a little bit of it's a lot of trust too with the bow because you're taking your eyes off of your opponent for a second when you look down you know the handshake look in the eyes the fist bump yeah
it's the future what do you guys think the future looks like do you think there's going to be some things in the future we're not thinking of that could disappear or that could be you know non that not that won't happen anymore i personally think that we'll just be taking people's temperatures at places you know i think that that's not a bad idea you know if somebody brings their little kid little freaking uh you know dylan or whatever his name is little darl little darler or
whatever little freaking uh you know little freaking you know little ethan little sneaky ass ethan bruh and he this is the kind of kid he'll pick his nose with all nine fingers bruh you know what i'm saying he'll pick his nose till he pulls one of his eyes out of it this little freaking beehole and he goes to the to the slipping slot or whatever to the um kids gym
gym bore or whatever that place over by the highway for for for for six dollars they let your kid bounce around on a fishing net with a couple of damn uh beach balls on it or something you know but they had uh what the hell am i talking about i don't know man um but uh a lot of places now they they take the kid's temperature in a lot of in a lot of countries they take a temperature
when you go somewhere oh this kid's dirty get him out of here this kid hot get that little hot get his hot ass out of here little heath oh that's a little hot heath you know what i'm saying here here's a little sack of ice or something put it in his pockets and get his little ass out of here so i think you you will see some stuff like that what do you guys think you're gonna see 985-664-9503 here's a call that came in right here that stimulus check this
man onward joe cos this is ben from baltimore would have been from baltimore um in baltimore they got a lot of people on that methadone they got people smoking methadone over there so they got a lot of a lot of crispy wiggers out there dog on that methadone bro gang shit homeward i'm on my way to work this morning now during this whole time i'm like i
manage a grocery store stuff while i'm going to school and everything so i've been working this whole time and i want to get your thoughts on stuff this whole time i thought the stimulus was a big like i thought it was like like some city process like it's just started internet meetings to try to get the mass society to like vanity and then one day explaining this to everybody i'm like dude this is fake no
one's giving a fucking figure check one day i wake up i got a fucking fibula check so my thing is though is this just trump preying on my generation and younger generations who don't think about the future and are very impulsive giving them mass amounts of money that they're going to spend immediately and not think about it man you know i think at some point you just got to be grateful you
know you can't think everything is a conspiracy and look i appreciate your call man i appreciate the call it's a good you know there's a lot of things these days that makes you wonder a lot of things make us wonder you know is this real what's going on Here, what's really going on?
Is there a bigger thing that I can't see here?
I love that, I love thinking that way, but I don't want to think it to a level where I don't see the blessings that are around me.
You know, you got $1,200, you got whatever, whatever it was, $600 to, you know, you got a check.
You have a government that gave you money.
Maybe say, hey, that's awesome.
I'm lucky to be in this country where we are able to do that.
You know, everybody didn't get it.
So you're really, you're fortunate right there.
You know, I noticed in my own neighborhood, they have, there's a gym that's near me and our community center, and they have campers outside.
All the homeless people, or a lot of them that were mentally able to not live in the rain or in the park, they put them in campers.
They came and put them all in campers.
That's pretty incredible.
To live in a country, to live in a place where that's something that's done.
You know, I get mad.
You know, like I try to support our government no matter who they are.
You know, because I live pretty comfortably.
You know, I live pretty comfortably.
I live in a place that has roads.
You know, I live in a place where there's clean water, clean enough that's coming out of my faucet.
You know, I live in a place where if I'm struggling so much, there's someone close to me, probably a neighbor that could help.
You know, I live in a place where there's entertainment usually.
I live in a place where I can think.
I live in a place where I can still go to the grocery.
You know, I was talking to a friend of mine from Russia the other day.
She told me that her parents, you have to apply to go into the city every time you go in.
And then whenever you get there, you can only go do the things you had said you were going to do.
You know, the gentleman that called from Dubai, you have to, you know, I think he said you had to fill out a form or something.
If you want to go certain places, you can only go to the market.
Man, there's a lot, you know, it's, so maybe just say, hey, you know, yes, the earth is flat, but this stimulus check ain't, boy.
So I wouldn't think, you know, I don't know if, I mean, yeah, look into it, but don't look too far into it where you don't recognize that we're pretty fortunate.
You know, we're pretty fortunate, man.
You know, we just have so many blessings, man.
We have so many blessings, I feel like.
And gang, bro.
All right, let's take another call here.
What else has been going on?
Nothing.
It's ladies' night.
Damn, it's ladies'night, man.
No, it's...
Oh.
Dude, when I think back to some of them, dude, I have hooked up with some real hardy, hardy sevens, man.
And eights, probably.
I say eight usually because if a woman, as long as a woman will brush her teeth, all of her teeth, too.
Some ladies, some lazy ass ladies just brush the tops.
Oh, no, miss.
That's why God gave you all the teeth.
You got to wash them all.
And I remember when I was young, my mother, we had a toothbrush and she wrote on it, do all of them.
Because, you know, I get lazy.
I only want to brush the tops and them chompers.
I don't want to fucking hit that support staff at the bottom.
So somebody's going to talk to you about that's been going on.
Oh, I started doing piano practicing.
So, pretty excited about that.
I've been doing Duolingo.
Yo entiendo más Español.
I am understanding more Spanish.
I've been doing Duolingo, man.
Duolingo is cool if you haven't ever seen it.
We don't work for them or they don't work for us, but I really like it.
What else?
I was thinking about going home.
I was thinking about taking a trip home, see some family.
Let's take a call right here.
Here we go.
Hey, CO, this is Hunter from up here in northern British Columbia.
Ooh, British Columbia, dude.
Thank you for calling there from the UK, my man gang, brother.
I was just listening to your 17th episode of your podcast this past weekend, and you said something about wanting to bring the father to the family that you were emancipated to, to the masters, because he was a special golf.
I don't know if that makes sense, but he wanted to take this man to the masters, and he was the father of the family that you family lived with for a little while since you were younger.
But I just was curious if he did that or if he still plans on doing that.
And just wanted to let you know that you helped a lot of people out, including myself.
And we love you and you proprietary, man.
Thanks.
Oh, thanks, man.
Thanks for the nice words, man.
I love you too, bro.
Gang dog.
Yeah, actually, one thing that, you know, I didn't get to take, we made the plan this year to take my stepdad to the Masters.
When I was 14, I went to live with a friend of mine's family, and they had, you know, they had opened their doors to me.
And so I went and lived over there.
And it was fun, man.
They didn't have any pets, but they had some other children.
And we really, you know, it was just more of a safe, and it was more of an environment where there was more, it was just more emotionally comfortable than the one I was in.
I just couldn't survive.
I couldn't mentally survive in my own house anymore.
And I don't know if that really was to anyone's fault.
I think it was just what my path was going to be.
And, you know, and I was gifted with enough, you know, just I got, you know, there were people that cared enough and they invited me to live with them.
And we had fun.
And the man has always been a good role model for me.
And his name is Rhett.
And he is a adult.
And he loved golf.
And so for years, I wanted to take him to the Masters.
And, you know, I had a good year last year work-wise.
And so I got us a trip.
We were going to go.
Last week, we were going to go to the Masters.
And we had a nice Airbnb and we were all square.
And this virus hit.
So, you know, I just hope that he's, you know, and he had started walking around the neighborhood more and just getting ready to go.
And I'm glad, you know, for sometimes I think, oh, man, you know, I don't know if I want to spend this money or I don't want to.
But then once I had made the decision to, man, I was so excited.
And it was fun.
I just went on Airbnb and looking at places and asking friends.
And, you know, and people wanted to help.
They wanted to let me know what's a good place to stay in a good area.
And we were going to have some fun.
But that's not going to happen this year.
But when they, hopefully when they repost it up, the golf tournament, then we'll be able to go.
So thank you for asking.
That was sweet of you.
Yeah, man, when I think about the people in my life that have cared about me, man.
Thank you.
A lot.
A lot of people.
I think that's one, you know, sometimes it's like, man, why I sometimes can't find the why I can't care about myself sometimes just blows my mind.
You know, just why it's so hard.
Man, why is it just so hard to care about yourself?
It's just, it's just hard.
It's just sometimes hard, man.
But a thing that does help, though, is thinking about other people caring about me.
When you think about the people that have cared about you, think about it.
Think of somebody used to give you a ride somewhere you needed.
You know?
Somebody who lets you borrow their car.
Somebody who lets you borrow maybe a couple, you know, cuts of melon or a little bit of money.
You know, maybe somebody that used to write you letters when you moved away or somebody that called you to tell you that they loved you, even, you know, even though you had done something maybe wrong to a mutual friend of y'all's.
You know, maybe somebody who you, maybe you put an air in their shampoo, you know, 20 years ago and maybe they still want to bang you every now and then.
I mean, it just, you know, there's a lot of love to be given out there.
And a lot of it, I've been giving a lot in my days, man.
So yeah, thank you for asking about that because just even you asking about that has made me realize how much that even in times when I didn't know how much I cared about myself, how much other people cared about me.
Man, that's pretty powerful, huh?
It's pretty powerful to think.
That love is such a weapon.
Man, it's such a beautiful, it's such a, such a, just such a damn, you know, you bring enough love to a life fight and you can win every time.
You know, it's easy to get the other way, though.
It's so easy to get the other way.
It's so easy to just get on that downhill.
But gang, bro.
You know, the other day I get a FaceTime video call from my friend, a good friend of mine, Scott.
Patrick is his name also.
He has two names.
That's his legal name.
And he's wearing in his ears.
He's got earbuds.
He loves music.
He's a music man.
I mean, he's probably been to so many fish shows.
He would test positive for damn bass meat in his body.
You know, or barramundi, something.
Tilapia at least.
And he's got a pair of Raycon earbuds in.
And he likes those because they help his music the best, he said.
Whether you're working from home or working on your fitness, you want what you're listening to to be what you're listening to, not what your other friends or neighbors or whoever else is listening to.
That's why you need a great pair of wireless earbuds.
You know, you want something that's going to keep the sound in you and take you to that second level.
But before you go dropping hundreds of dollars on a pair, you need to check out the wireless earbuds from Raycon.
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you could listen to it all.
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support this past weekend.
Thank you.
It's ladies' night and I'm feeling right.
You know, if it's ladies' night or if it's ladies' day, or well, look, sometime I put on a brasier and just, I want to be a, be a little thicky thick girl at the house.
You know what I'm saying?
Not really, but you feel me, dog.
What I'm talking about is postmates.
If you're like me, you probably start thinking about what to eat for dinner at about 7 a.m.
Yep, that's it.
Dude, 7 a.m., a picture of a beautiful beef frank will pop into my head or a sausage patty or a, you know, a London brawl.
And that's why I love using Postmates.
Because come dinner time, all I need to do is break out my phone, get on the Postmates app, and order what my heart has been thinking about.
And I love Postmates even more right now because you can get food delivered without leaving the house.
It's Corvid approved.
You don't even have to open the door.
You can say, look, little Larry, set it out there, Larry.
I'm going to tip you on the app.
Set it out there.
They created non-contact deliveries.
That's right.
Postmates, it's already, you don't have to take the guesswork out of you.
Am I going to get Corvid?
They're going to get Corvid?
Keep it clean, baby.
So now when you order from local restaurants, everything gets left right outside your door.
They also have Postmates Pickup, which I've been using to order to take out from my favorite local restaurants.
That's right.
Listen up.
You guys can support this past weekend.
And you can support your neighborhood spots right now.
I've only been ordering local.
I order from right down the street.
You know what I'm saying?
Rob and Diane's diner.
Order from over there.
Little Harry's got the rib shack.
I do that.
Give me some of Harry's ribs, bro.
But no hair on them.
You feel me, dog?
I don't want those real cheap ones.
If you get a real cheap rib, sometimes they got a little bit of hair at the end.
Postmates doesn't just deliver burgers and sushi.
They actually make your life easier by picking up everything you need from Walgreens 7-Eleven and dropping it off outside your door.
You didn't know that, did you?
Well, now you do.
Support the podcast.
Download Postmates on iOS or Android.
Find your favorites and get everything you want delivered within the hour.
For a limited time, Postmates is giving our listeners $100 of free delivery credit for your first seven days.
So that means go get your mama's phone, get your cousin phone, get your little nephew phone, get the baby a phone, and get the app.
And get them an email account and open it up and get the $300.
For a limited time only, Postmates is giving our listeners $100 of free delivery credit for your first seven days.
To start your free deliveries, download the app and use code Weekend.
That's code Weekend for $100 of free delivery credit for your first seven days when you download the Postmates app.
Anything you need, anytime you need it, Postmate it, use code Weekend.
Thank you guys for the love and the support.
Gang.
All right, let's take a call right here and see what's going on right here.
This could be right along the veins of what we're discussing, gang.
What's up, Theo, you beautiful bastard?
This is Tim out of Indianapolis, Indiana.
What's up, Tim, over there in Indianapolis?
And I saw somebody, a group of white males hit a damn hit another thicker white male on a dang bird scooter over there or a lime.
Onward.
I just listened to the thought, man, and heard you say that love is forgiveness.
And it just really struck me, man, is like how true that really is.
I've been with my wife now for almost 11 years.
We've been married for almost three, three and a half, I think.
But the moral of the story being, man, without forgiveness, we would have never made it this long.
You know, she's definitely forgiven me for some of my stupid shit.
I have definitely forgiven her for some of hers as well.
We both went through an opiate addiction.
We've both been clean for over six years.
Amen, bruh.
Amen, dog.
Which is kind of unique.
You don't find a lot of couples that actually make it through the bout of addiction and then get clean and come out the other side and still be together.
So she is definitely my other half, man.
And without forgiveness, bro, it would never work.
Peace, love, gang, gang.
Gang, Tim, man.
Thank you.
Thank you for that call.
Yeah, man, it really is.
Dude, I was there for a week and I was doing donuts.
I had these two beautiful lesbians that lived next door across the street.
You know, one of them was, I think one of them was a librarian or alleged librarian.
And the other one was just was a lesbian.
And, or, you know, just a lesbian, I think unemployed lesbian.
But, you know, and, you know, I'm doing donuts in her damn yard in an 84 Ford escort, dude, with one of the windows that had been broken out by a damn handgun.
And, and, yeah.
And this family, I just moved in with them and they forgave me for that.
You know, dude, the first night I moved in with the family that I lived with in high school, I'm smoking weed in the bedroom.
It was the first time I'd had a bedroom on my own, boy.
So I'm living it up, dude.
You know what I'm saying, bruh?
I'm fucking living life.
I'll put on some camouflage, dude.
I'll fucking put on a little bit of cologne and I'm smoking weed, doing what I do, you know, celebrating.
And yeah, and their son, you know, their genital son or whatever it's called, he comes, he knocks on the door.
He's like, dude, what the fuck are you doing in here?
I said, man, nothing.
I lied to him.
I said, nothing.
Me wild, there's weed smoke everywhere, you know, and I'm dressed like fucking Rambo, like some kind of damn dope Rambo.
And he's like, dude, you don't be doing that shit, man.
You can't be doing that shit.
And he could have got me thrown out.
I mean, I just, just moved in.
Just crazy, you know.
But when I think back to all the things in my life that people have forgiven me for, it's crazy, isn't it?
All the things that people still loved me, even though I was greedy or I was selfish or I was just a human.
You know.
But that's a beautiful story, man.
And thank you for sharing that with us.
And thank you for, you know, I think being a pillar of just a reminder for people that if they're struggling with addiction, that, you know, that, I mean, if they're struggling with addiction or marriage, that they could do both.
They could really beat both.
So, amen, bro.
Gang, man.
What else we got here, dude?
What have I been doing, dude?
Been on Facebook a little, man.
Facebook, it's a lot of people now just DJing in their basement.
If you don't notice this, everybody's a DJ now.
You know?
Icy Gerald or whatever.
You know, snitching Ricky or whatever.
Ice Snitch or whatever.
You know what I'm saying?
MC fucking cripple.
And a dude have no leg, but he got to, you know, turntable.
So he can move music, but he can't move.
And it's everybody.
You got a kid.
He's fucking doing a little bit.
He'll be turning a little bit of Ariana Grande into some deaf leopard.
He'll be crossing some tracks and then beat his son at the same, you know, the kid will come down.
Dad, I need some milk.
You want some milk, bro?
Here you go, bruh.
Get that milky hand, bruh.
You get 2% of that hand, son.
Gang shit.
So a lot of kids are really, I mean, think about that child, that memory as a child.
All you remember is you couldn't go outside.
They had disease allegedly outside.
And your dad's DJing in the basement for his high school friends.
So it's shit's happening.
We had another officer of the law that called in.
Let's get that call here.
Hey, Theo, this is Kyle out in St. Louis, Missouri.
What's up, Kyle, out of St. Louis?
And St. Louis is famous for the arch and also for this comedian, this up-and-coming comedian, Chris DeLee, actually is canceled there doing his show there.
Let's hear more.
In my garage gym doing some prison yard workout, listening, nothing, trying not to get too fat.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that prison yard workout, that's nice to do by yourself.
And not if you do an actual prison where after the workout, you got to watch some guy bust out.
Or you know what I'm saying?
You got to at least stand there and look excited while somebody jacks off so you don't get abused or sexually abused.
Gang, bro.
And you pose the question of law enforcement if domestic violence is up.
My girlfriend, she happens to be a police officer, and she said the numbers are up 25 to 35% in her jurisdiction.
Pretty crazy stuff.
I think people need to get out, get away from each other.
She may kill me too.
I hope not.
We both love the show.
Keep up the great work.
Be careful, be safe.
Gang, gang.
Gang, bro.
And thank you to your beautiful lady for her service.
Wow, dog.
Yeah, that's the thing.
You got to get out.
Go take a drive.
Take a bike.
Get a two-seater bike and cut the back off of that bitch and do a one-seater.
You know, get in a wheelbarrow, dog, on a downhill.
Go be by yourself.
You know what I'm saying?
You got to take some time.
Play hide and go seek.
Have your wife go count and you drive out of town and get a motel somewhere.
I mean, that's easy.
You have to just, you know, it has to be, you know, you got to separate from each other.
Especially if you have a weapon.
If you have a weapon, bury the weapon.
Give it to your friend.
Bury.
Give it to your friend Barry.
The original Burying the Weapon.
Don't fucking, don't, you know, you don't want to put a gun in the dirt, man.
You want to, but, you know, have it somewhere else where you can't use it.
If you want to shoot a spouse, you have to do a handgun.
You know, Make a little gun with your hand.
Or draw a gun and throw it at them.
You know, draw it on a little sheet of something, a legal pad.
But thank you for calling, man.
I like that.
Getting a prison workout, getting it done on your own.
You know, it's interesting.
I find that I have to like, I'm wondering, like, who I am is really coming into question a lot with me during this virus.
Who I am.
You know, am I just, am I only a guy who just isn't going to, you know, how much am I willing to take care of myself?
How much man is in me?
You know, how much, you know, can I be a leader for myself?
I mean, that's really, that's scary to admit sometimes.
And sometimes when I'm in my depression, I won't, that's when I don't want to be a leader for myself.
You know, I wish somebody else had the controls and that they were.
It's just, and it's such a lazy thing.
Depression is also such a, there's a lazy edge to some of it.
There's a self-pity edge to some of it, I find, for myself.
I'm not talking about everybody.
This is for me.
But I was asking myself actually today, what kind of leader do I want to be?
Even if I, you know, if I'm just, because the only person I'm really leading is me.
You know, I don't have a family, you know, yet, and I don't have an animal.
You know, I have animals that I see sometimes, but that I don't have like a day-to-day animal.
But I'm like, what kind of lead, what kind of leader am I to myself?
You know, what kind of like leader am I to myself?
What kind of leader?
And then if I did have a family, but with my friends, with the people I work with and work and that work in our in our team here, like what kind of leader am I?
You know, and do I have what it, like, how can I, you know, it just, you know, and to feel empowered, to say, I want, you know, I want to lead.
I want to lead myself to be better.
Because then sometimes it separates me from myself.
Because sometimes I may not feel good.
You know, I don't want to go for a run.
I don't want, I did not want to go for a run.
But then sometimes I can be a lead.
I can say, hey, man, you can go for a run.
You know, I'll be the leader of us.
I'm not just going to let my feelings.
Because my feelings sometimes are me.
But my choices are almost this other me.
And they and they, my choices don't really have a lot of feelings sometimes.
They can just, they can just do what's best for me.
So even if I don't feel like it, I can go to my choices and say, okay, I know you don't feel good, man, but let me be a leader for you right now.
And let me, maybe it just sounds like I have split personality disorder.
I don't know.
I don't know what I'm talking about, but it's just been interesting because I feel like this is a time where a lot of us are, you know, by ourselves or a lot of us are, you know, things are more still in some ways.
And so I'm sure a lot of people are wondering, well, who am I right now to my family?
How am I able to manage my own vibe and my own tribe and keep things together?
And I just want to let you know that you can do it.
If you struggle and wonder, if you can be a good leader for yourself and for others, that you can.
You can do it.
You know, you can.
And even if you haven't been in the past, that's okay.
Every day is a new opportunity.
That's the beautiful thing about days, man.
Isn't that amazing?
Isn't that amazing that today doesn't remember yesterday, like the actual day?
What if the sun rose and the first thing it did was say, hey, motherfucker, remember what you did on Thursday?
But it doesn't do that, man.
The sun just rises and says, hey, man, I'm here for you.
You know?
And I don't know.
I don't remember anything.
And you're like, damn, do you have amnesia, son?
And the sun is like, I don't know.
I don't know if I do.
I'm just going to be in the air for a little while and then I'll be gone, man.
But I'll see you tomorrow.
Anyway, I'm rambling.
What else?
Let's get another caller came in that came in here.
A call is 985-664-9503.
Hey, Theo.
This is Austin from Lynchburg, Virginia.
What's up, Austin?
And it's a real sugary gentleman over here calling there from Lynchburg.
In Lynchburg, Virginia, that's where they make that Lynchburg lemonade, I think.
Omward?
I love your show, man.
Thank you for doing it for us.
You're welcome, man.
Thank you for calling and being a part of this world, gang.
So here's the deal.
I've been in college for nine years, man.
Oh, dang, bro.
Amen.
Boy, you might have got caught up on a little bit of that DUST.
You feel me, son?
And I've been there.
I remember I bought a couple damn grams one time, first time ever, that I purchased some little bit of dust.
You feel me?
A little bit of that upper.
And the man said, he said it was a performance-enhancing drug, man.
So I did a couple of straight bumps of that and fucking ran about eight miles over there near the railroad tracks over there near in Baton Roch, Louisiana, over there off Perkins.
Gang shit, Omward.
Three different schools, Honestly, and I've been through some shit trying to graduate.
Yes, yes, yes, brother.
But it sounds like you're there now.
Homeward?
Well, I'm finally graduating this May.
It's my year.
And they canceled my graduation.
And I had invited all my friends and family.
So I guess my question is this.
And Mike Pompeo was scheduled to speak, but since it's canceled, can you do my commencement speech?
I would love to hear what you have to say.
You give me some guidance.
So if you could help me out, man, I'd appreciate it.
Gang, gang.
All right, bro.
Let me think.
So commencement, this is the final ceremony speech.
I'll try it.
All right, everyone.
Good to be here today.
And it's a beautiful day for everybody here.
And I'm glad that everyone here showed up, even though it took some of you guys nine years to graduate.
That's absolutely unbelievable, but also awesome.
Because imagine being in college.
Now imagine staying in college for a lot longer than you did.
Respect.
Look, I'll tell you this, bro.
The world is what it is, man.
That thing's a shapeshifter.
You know, it's a dog, it's a dolphin, it's a dartboard.
And so all you can control is you.
And I know you're going to get out there, and some of you guys are going to do drugs.
Some of you guys are going to, you know, be gainfully employed.
Some of you guys are going to probably, somebody in here is going to, statistically speaking, somebody in here is going to probably hit somebody with a vehicle and leave the scene and get away with it.
Somebody in here will be a murderer.
But no matter what you do, I think that I hope you feel some, I hope you put, I hope you find time in your life for other people.
And I hope that you realize that life is your life.
But a lot of people care about it.
Not just you.
And so with that in your mind and in your heart, I hope that you can, you know, treat your life as if it's something nice that somebody you care about lets you borrow.
because Because in a little bit of a way, it's kind of what it is somewhat.
You know, when people care about you, you have some responsibility to care about yourself.
And I believe in you guys, and I believe you guys can do it, dude.
Go Acorns or whatever the school spirit is, man.
Gang shit, bro.
Good luck out there, dog.
And I love you, man.
I'm glad you finally graduated.
And look, there's always opportunities for a party down the line.
You can always do that later.
What else?
I think we, you know, I think we came to a good end here.
I think we could finish up right here.
You know, I'm thinking about, dude, one thing, oh, I'll tell you this.
I was thinking the other day when I was growing up, dude, a lot of times at school, we had this kid named Small Allen that went to our school.
And he was small, man.
He was.
I mean, you know, imagine somebody.
Now, just imagine them being just real small.
And that was him, bro.
That was him, dude.
You didn't.
I mean, he was just so tiny, bro.
So tiny.
His little elbows were tiny.
Sometimes he would use his elbows to knead a bread or something.
He would have to do that to knead a dough.
If you wanted to knead a dough, he had to use his elbows to get enough pressure on it.
Some of them even a foot as well.
He was so tiny, bro.
Tiny, tiny.
And he was a little, he was a little nasty, bruh.
You know, he came from, his daddy was nasty, and so he was also nasty.
He was like nasty junior in his, in his DNA.
And he would do this thing at school.
He would go in the bathroom and turn the toilets.
They had some nice old school toilets in there.
Not even ceramic, I think concrete or even pewter.
Nice, something quality.
And he would turn the toilets, the plumbing off on them.
And if kids had gone in the restroom and done number two, and this is a little vulgar and I'm sorry to tell it, but if they'd done a number two, you know, a duty, bruh, a body duty.
He would then go in, the toilets wouldn't flush.
He had this big, he had like this kind of, I don't want to say fetish because we were children, but he had this kind of dirty desire to, he would go duty on top of it.
You know what I'm saying?
Like he, like he was the kind of person, you ever walk into a bathroom stall and if somebody has already done a number two in there, somebody did a strong number two or even a weak number two.
And I'm like, oh man, I'll go to a different one.
I don't even flush it.
Some people use their foot to flush it.
That's insane.
I'm not flushing your duty with my foot, bro, like it's ancient Rome or something.
But what he would do, what Small would do is he would go get in the stall and then duty on top of someone else's duty.
That's...
Like, I don't know how that...
And I remember, even when I'd come out of the restroom, he'd ask me if I flushed.
You know, I'd be like, dang, dude, what?
Leave me alone.
You sick little bastard, bruh.
And then he'd fucking run up your leg or something.
You know, he was just small.
I mean, this guy was, he wouldn't run up your leg, but he could have if he start, he got a good, you know, maybe a 40-foot start.
And if you kind of put like a, if you, you know, put a wedge or something at the edge of your, at the intersection of the ground and your legs.
Like a curve or something, a little bit of a, I don't know what that's called.
But um, but yeah, that's crazy, dude.
Just to think that and just, but I'm saying we're all different people, man, you know?
Some people just go urinate in the bathroom and do that.
And some people go in the bathroom and they see that someone else is already number two to toilet.
And they go and make it a four, bro.
And that's the dark arts, brother.
If you wonder what the dark arts are, bro, then stop wondering.
If you have a piece of paper and somebody gave you a test and it says, what are the dark arts?
That's that's it, man.
That's it.
Let's take this call.
We'll do one more, man.
Gang.
Hey, Theo.
I got a job today.
I got hired.
Gang, baby.
You heard that?
It's tough times right now.
It's tough times right now.
People losing their job and getting furloughed and unloaded.
And we got a man right here.
A caller saying he got an opportunity, brother.
Gang, man.
It's like a town that was 50 miles over, and I'm not driving lately, so I biked about 60 miles.
Okay.
That 60-mile biker, dude.
You showing up.
Gang shit, baby.
Just for the sign-holding job.
And he hired me and said he wants me to come help in the hire shop, too.
So it's turning into like a job job.
I know a lot of people are struggling right now.
Just wanted to tell some good news.
And I'm dehydrated as hell in the south.
That's quite far.
But it's a pretty decent neighborhood.
And we'll see what happens.
It's not really my experience in the tire shop.
I'm more into doing construction and skill trades and stuff.
Oh, yeah, wall skills and everything.
Piping.
Onward.
Hey, I'll take what I can get right now.
So I hope you're doing good.
Hi.
Oh, man.
That's awesome.
That's awesome, man.
And I'm going to be happy for your opportunity.
That's what I'm going to do.
You know, thank you for sharing that with us, man.
And I wish you the best of luck with that new job.
You get in there, dog.
And you be the best sign tire guy.
You do whatever.
You do whatever you got to do, man.
You know, we have a lot of blessings.
I know a lot of people out there are struggling.
And I know a lot of people are worried about where their next work is going to come from and their next check.
And...
And I know that, you know, at times when we are poor in our fiscal outlook, that it's really hard not to let that affect how we look at ourselves or the energy or the love or the compassion and stuff that we, you know, how rich we are inside of ourselves, you know.
But, you know, I just, you know, I just, you know, I hope that everyone just does what they can to keep the wealth up in their attitude and in their compassion and in their grace for others.
You know, because that's something that we can control.
And I know it's hard, and I'm not saying that I know anybody's plight or I know what people's struggles are like.
But I do know that on days when I've had money in my bank and days when I've had none, that I'd trade both of those away to be,
to have had a full spirit, you know, and really to just have had, you know, to, man, when you, when your heart is full and you're recognizing the things around you that are, that are keeping you up, man, there's, don't matter.
I'm not looking at my bank statement then.
You know?
So I don't know what I'm saying.
I just hope everybody finds as much gratitude as they can right now.
And even if the world, even if the society that we live in and our financial levels aren't exactly what we want, and we don't know what our outlook is, we don't know that we keep the levels that we can control as high as we can.
And I think we do that by thinking of others, by caring about others, and by trying to stay in some gratitude.
And I'm not telling anybody what to do.
I'm telling myself what to do as well.
You know, I want to be a good leader.
I want to be a good leader for myself.
And I think I can.
And I think there's a lot of bright stuff on the horizon.
And, you know, and I love you, you know, whoever you are.
And a lot of people do.
And a lot of people have.
And if you're struggling with something, man, you'll get through it.
You know.
Thank you.
There's a lot of amazing people calling on this show and making this show awesome, man.
People calling from around the world.
Thank you.
You know, I'm so, You know, I'm so fortunate to be able to be part of a nice group like this.
You know, when I think about even just all the places I went, the different cities and just around the freaking world, man, people came out and just showed me love, man.
It was, you know, and I got so rattled over the past year that it's just been so hard for me to connect with myself or to just even know what was going on.
But, you know, I'm happy today to I'm just happy to be here and have memories of people that care about me and a lot of those people are a lot of people that listen to this and some in really close ways in my life and others in not as close ways, but still very important.
And yeah, let's see what we can do, huh?
And let's see what we can do together.
Amen, bro.
Gang shit.
Sorry about the profanity.
Sometimes it happens, you know, it's that kind of night.
And you know what?
I'll be honest with you, bro.
I'm about to go get me a dang cheeseburger, dog.
From McDaniels, dog.
I'm about to get...
They have them.
They don't have them on the sign.
You won't see a picture of them.
Maybe you'll see somebody secretly did a drawing or something.
That's the best you could get.
But you order that double HB from your boy freaking Ronnie McDant and they're going to serve that sucker to you, son.
So that's a little treat for you.
I hope whatever you're doing that you're finding the energy to make it as fun as possible for you and for the loved ones around you.
You know, I don't know.
I just know a lot of people are struggling.
know a lot of people are worried and a lot of people I guess I just wish there was more that I could do to help.
And I know a lot of people feel that way.
So just know, whoever you are, that people care about you.
Just know that.
And that they always have, too, I bet.
Or I hope.
You guys be good to yourselves.
We're going to leave out today on this is a song by this man, Evan Bartels.
And, you know, he made a song years ago, The Devil God and Me, which I love so much, man.
And he, I believe he's out in Nebraska.
He lives in Nashville now.
And man, his album, he has this EP, Promised Land, that if you want to support something, that's something to go support.
And we'll put the link right below.
You can go buy it.
It's five songs, and this is one that I just absolutely love.
It is called a thousand times.
You guys be good to yourselves, man.
And I'm going to try to do the same, and we deserve it.
playing.
I'm going to sit here and listen to this one with you.
Oh, yeah.
Promised Land by Evan Bartels.
A thousand times, it's called.
I could see the rain coming from a hundred miles away, baptizing empty skyline with the hope of better days.
I tell myself this will all be fine I watch you from the window.
built inside my mind I wonder who I am the way I am Every man that's walking will fall from time to time Every time I feel the thunder I remember I'm just a child I would die a thousand times
before I ever let you down Man, that's powerful though T-14 and
I for I ain't worth the trouble that they cause you so I find I ain't burning the candle at both ends I just throw the whole damn thing to the fire and I tell myself this will all be fine I would die I
would die a thousand times before I ever let you down I would die I would die a thousand times I would die a thousand times I would die I wish it was easier I
wish I had more that I could give I wish it was easier I wish I had more that I could give I
I would die thousand time where I've ever let you down, bro.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
The answer may shock you.
Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
Sometimes I won't.
And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
You have three new voice messages.
A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else.
So great.
Hi, Sweetheart.
Easy to.
Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.
John Maine.
I'll take a quarter pottle of cheese out of McGlory.
Sorry, sir, but our ice cream is broken.
I think Tom Hanks just butt dialed me.
Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
Second rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on YouTube, yeah?
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