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You know the strangest thing um you can ask someone right now is what are you up to?
Or what have you been up to?
Have you have you had someone ask you that yet?
Hey, hey man, what are you up to?
What?
What am I up to?
Nothing I'm up to nothing.
There's nothing to do.
Hey man, what you been doing?
Nothing.
Hey, hey, hey, buddy, no, nothing.
Do you understand?
You know, I realized one of my buddies is a psychopath or psycho, whatever it is, psychopath.
He's like, hey, man, what have you been doing?
Huh?
Oh, me?
Oh, yeah, man.
I just been, you know, I just traveled.
We went to the water slide last weekend.
And, you know, we went to DiMaggio's, you know, that restaurant.
Nothing.
I've been doing nothing.
The same thing that everybody has been doing.
No matter who you are right now, you're doing, I don't care if you are Walter Disney, you're doing nothing.
Even people that are smoking DMT right now, no matter how hard a hit they take, nothing happens because there's nothing to do except podcast, I guess.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Yep.
It's that same song, baby.
Amen.
Amen.
I'm just sitting on your front porch, wondering how could I be so far from my home, and my mom is somewhere else.
But when I find it, I'll patch up where it's been.
Hey, man, what you been up to, man?
I'm just floating on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
I must be cornerstone.
Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind.
I found I can feel it in my bones.
But it's going to take a little time.
A little bit of time, baby, some TikToks.
For me to set that parking brake and let myself unwind.
Shine that light on me.
I'll sit and tell you my story.
Shine on me.
And I will find a song.
I will sing it just for you.
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh.
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh.
Hey, man, what you been up to?
Nothing.
Nothing, man.
Absolutely nothing.
There's nothing to do.
I think, like, there's nothing.
I mean, I have been, people are like, what have you been doing?
Well, honestly, what I've been doing, usual stuff I do.
Really, try not to masturbate or do self-pleasure or do self-bust.
I have been, I have learned, I've learned that I can cook and then I've learned that I don't know any good recipes.
That's what I learned.
I learned like, oh, okay, I'm willing to cook.
Like, I find myself just making something that's around my apartment.
Like, oh, okay, I'll have a little bit of lettuce and oatmeal.
There could be something.
You know, I find myself just mixing.
Oh, yeah, yeah, I'll have a Pop-Tart and I'll have you know, I'll have a Pop-Tart and I'll have two orange halves or an orange.
You know, just like wild mixes.
Okay, I'll have a little, you know, some cuts of London Brawl and, you know, and maybe four baby Snicker.
And that's dinner.
Just like things that connect there, it doesn't matter anymore.
You know, before COVID, it was like the afternoon's connected to the lunchtime.
The evening's connected to the dinner.
But now it don't matter.
The breakfast is connected to the midnight snack.
It don't matter.
Oh, rise and shine.
You know, I got half a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos and, you know, a third of a cup of, you know, baby marshmallows for you.
And don't forget to have, don't forget to squeeze a chunk of lime into your mouth.
And that's it.
It's just, you know, there's the, I'm just saying that you can have whatever you want right now and it can be a meal.
You don't even have to mix things.
Like before, pre-COVID, you had to mix stuff.
Oh, you want to make a cake?
You need to get an egg, do an egg in a bucket, do a flour, do some milk or some leche, some Mexican milk, and do it like that and do it and mix it up and throw some sprinkles in it and put out and do an oven.
And then da-da-da-da, damn, you got a cake.
You got a birthday.
You got a coupleaños, you know, circle a cake.
But now, don't matter.
You want to fucking crack an egg into your mouth?
You want to take half a dram of water, a little bit of milk, eat a quarter stick of butter, you know, hide two packets of sugar under your tongue, of sugar in the raw?
Bam, son.
Now you've had some cake.
Like, now you've had some cake.
There's just the template is kind of blown out.
Oh, it's lunchtime.
Why don't you have a freaking porterhouse steak with a Chobani yogurt?
Why don't you, do you want to pick a little, do a Chobani, daddy?
Do that little, you know, how to fucking hide a half a gram of yogurt in your little cousin's jaw.
And then, you know, and then beat his little ass if you have to.
Sorry.
You know, let him, you know, don't, just hit him like in the back and like in the fat areas.
Don't hit him anywhere where it could hurt him.
What's going on?
I don't know.
I don't, I don't, it's the dumbest.
What's going on?
Nada.
Nada.
Spanish, nothing.
Nothing is going on.
I've been at home.
I don't even know.
It's nice to not have to set your alarm clock.
I know some of you have children.
You can't relate to it, but it's nice to not have to set your alarm.
You know, I don't need an alarm for anything right now.
I don't need...
It doesn't matter if it's 11.50 p.m.
or 4 a.m.
I can watch another episode of Shit's Creek and then go back to bed.
Doesn't matter.
Doesn't matter if...
It doesn't...
What's going on?
Nothing.
Nothing.
I'm just trapped playing with the devils that are inside of me.
That's what I'm doing most of the time.
I want to thank you guys for supporting the cast.
That's for damn sure.
That is for DS.
That is for damn sure.
What's going on?
I guess I've been feeling like a lot of things during this recently.
I've been feeling like, well, I've been taking pretty good care of myself.
You know, I've been doing a good bit of outdoor action, running, walking.
You know, I'll pretend like I lost something in my area or something and go look for it.
Look for a missing animal.
Look for a, you know, like, oh, my cousin's car got stolen.
We know we're looking for it.
Have you seen it?
People are like, nah, nah, nah.
But you keep looking, you know.
Just anything to kind of get out of the house.
You know, what else?
I've been rolling out my body.
And I know some people, they say you get on the foam roller.
If you've seen it, it's like a pipe, but it's made out of foam.
It's like a foam piping piece, like a fat little foam pipe.
And you lay your body on it, and you just ride your body back and forth on it.
I mean, if this thing could get pregnant, it would get pregnant.
And you just slide your body, your legs, especially your thighs, your buttocks, the area between your nuts and your knees, whatever that is, leg.
And you slide that up and down this foam roller.
And it alleviates your tension.
I mean, you'll see a damn ghost fly out of your ass.
Like this thing will loosen the muscle tension inside of you.
It really does.
It just loosens it all up.
So I've been doing that full body.
Like doing my triceps on it.
My bicep.
Like laying on in just sheer agony.
Just.
Till just like, and it's this big black pipe kind of thing.
And it's like, it just feels like it's just, I mean, just, just taking my muscles virginity, you know, just terrorizing these bitches, really.
Kind of like if you ever seen an episode of that blacked pornography, and it's women kind of getting attacked by big, large black, you know, penises and penis.
And it has that sort of ambiance to it, just, and just rolling your, just, I mean, rolling my chest, just rolling everything out.
So I've been doing that.
What else?
That's it, man.
There's not.
You know, I went to the park the other day.
I looked at some dog people out there with the dogs.
And when I was growing up, your boy Daniel in my neighborhood, some of you guys know about him and some of y'all don't.
And he was the kind of dude that would, you know, he would tell you like maybe if you were having a licorice chunk or if you were having a bit of honey, candy, he would tell you, oh, they're poisonous.
They're poisonous.
And you'd spit it out on the table and he would take it and eat it.
He was that kind of man.
He was a like he would just secondhand sugar.
He didn't care.
He'd trick you out of your own sweet.
And then he would polish that batch off right in front of you.
And anyway, his father had trained, they had a dog, this little disgruntled little dog.
And this little, I don't know if it was like a beagle or like a damn, like an Australian kind of beagle, kind of like a kind of an Australian kind of beagle sort of hound.
But it would name Muscle was the dog's name.
And it would, they trained it to kind of, I guess, kind of hump or fuck dogs, other dogs at the dog park.
So we'd go down there.
They had this kind of dog, and it wasn't really a dog park back then.
When I was growing up, it was just a lot of dogs that would meet up, usually to eat and or look at each other.
And you'd see a dog walking by, or one dog would have a, you know, he would, the owner would paint something on the side of him, like a political slogan or just all kind of shit, like an animal meetup.
And they had their little dog, little muscle, and this thing could fuck, bro.
I'll be honest.
It's the only dog I've ever seen that could run up behind another dog and jump.
And it was real, it had long legs in the front, but was short-legged in the back.
And this thing could hump like a damn, like a speed bump.
This thing could hump like a fucking, like an extended cab camel.
This thing had that up, down, up, down, up, down going.
And it could run and jump up into the air and land wiener, wiener into another animal.
And so this little thing, it was like the damn Robin Hood of fucking really.
And you'd see it run up and just jump onto another animal.
And they had trained it to do sex.
So it was just baffling, man.
It just blew my mind every time we'd go to like the little dog meetup and they had, you know, when Little Muscle would show up.
And this thing, boy, you'd see the other owners be like, oh, shit.
Here comes Little Muscle, man.
That little damn Bill Cosby out here.
This little thing just not afraid to really sexualize other animals.
But what else?
What's going on, man?
Nothing.
Nothing.
What's for breakfast, huh?
Veal Parmesan?
Sounds good.
Sounds good.
What else?
Nothing.
Tricked you on that one.
Let's take some calls, man.
985-664-9503.
I've been running.
I've been trying to take care of myself physically.
And I've been doing a lot of meditation.
And I am...
Hear that?
That's my damn lungs.
I'm like 45 days of no, not 45, maybe 44 days of no cigarettes.
But I wanted one yesterday, man.
I wanted one.
I had a, I was talking to like an ex-girlfriend, my ex-girlfriend, and just, man, we just kind of got into it and just made me want a damn cigarette.
It's crazy how like relationship conversations and things like that can really get my damn, could really get the, just get my goiter.
You know?
I'm serious, man.
That type of stuff can really just, I mean, just makes me just, I mean, it'll just makes me want to hide my own penis inside of my ass, you know, just, I hate that kind of stuff.
I don't hate it, but I don't like it, man.
I don't like that kind of stuff.
That kind of stuff just makes me uncomfortable.
But life, man, life is an uncomfortable thing.
Isn't it?
Isn't life an uncomfortable thing sometimes?
And they don't teach you that in school.
They don't have a class.
You'd think for one hour on a Thursday, they'd had everybody meet in the gym.
They would have us meet in the gym for anything.
Oh, kids are pissing on the heaters and doing, you know, big yellow steam in there every afternoon.
And so they got to have a convention in the gym and tell it, who's pissing?
Who's pissing?
We're going to smell everybody's dick.
Who is pissing?
And nobody, of course, admits everybody's dying laughing.
But people playing yellow smoke in there.
People playing a little bit of fucking, you know, Vietnam, a little bit of, you know, people playing a little bit of Agent Orange or something in there and pissing on the thing on the heat, on the heater and the toilet.
But whatever, man.
I don't even know what I'm talking about.
Welcome to the podcast.
What's going on, man?
What have you been up to?
Not a thing.
Not a thing.
There's nothing to be up to.
That's why.
That's why.
That is why.
Let's get a call that came in.
Here we go.
My name's Lev Thompson.
I'm from New Albany, Mississippi.
And today is my boyfriend's 21st birthday.
We've been together for about seven and a half years.
And we're, well, he's 21. I'm 20. But anyways, we're big fans of you.
Damn, y'all been together seven and a half years.
And you guys don't even know how old y'all are.
You guys are young, huh?
Ah, damn, I drink y'all's damn blood, huh?
Homeward?
He took me to your son, Memphis, for my birthday this past August.
And I was wondering if you could help me out and somehow send me a video of you saying, Happy birthday, Drew, or happy birthday, Sterling.
That's his legal name.
Oh, hell yeah, there's nothing I love more than somebody that has a legal name.
Don't you love that?
What's my name?
Oh, oh, my name is Alan, but my legal name is Carondelette.
Yeah, my name is Tucker, but my legal name is Vacuum Nathan.
Like, damn, your name Vacuum Nathan?
Damn.
Let's hear more.
Sterling, let me hear more about this little MFer.
That would mean so much to me, and he might shit his pants.
I'm not even kidding.
I'll video it for you.
No, no, no, honey.
I'm trying to stay off the pornography, and you know that, but I appreciate it.
homeward?
Um, but yeah, my number is ...
Let me try them real quick.
Let me try this young buck and see if we can get to get him on the line real quick.
I'm going to wish him a damn HP.
He deserves it, I think.
What have you been doing, man?
That's what I'm going to ask him.
What is her name?
Bethany?
Sorry.
Sorry.
What is her name?
Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice message system.
Is not available.
At the tone, please record your message.
When you have finished recording, you may hang up or press 1 for more options.
Happy birthday to Drew Happy birthday to Drew.
Legal name Sterling.
Happy birthday to Drewster Land.
Happy birthday to Drew Drew.
What's up, Drew's girlfriend?
This is Theo Von.
I'm just calling.
I wanted to say thank you for the call and for offering me the opportunity to wish Drew Sterling a happy birthday.
And I hope he lives it up, man.
You guys are in quarantine.
I hope you guys make it happen.
Get y'all a baby.
Get y'all a something.
You know, adopt a little Dalmatian.
Do something nasty.
Do something wild.
Or get a baby and put little black spots on him.
Get that spotted baby, that little Patrick Mahomes, boy, that Patty Maha.
You can do it.
And I love you, man.
I just want to tell you guys, I love you.
Send this to Drew for me because you only left his number on here.
But happy birthday, man.
And keep your head up out there.
And I'd ask you what you've been doing, but nobody's been doing anything.
So you guys be well, gang.
Man, I'm feisty today, I feel.
That's how I feel.
I feel feisty.
I feel feisty.
I just feel feistrated.
That's what I feel like.
I feel damn feistrated, brother.
There's nothing to watch, dude.
There's nothing.
There's nothing to watch.
There's nothing.
Let's take some calls.
That's what we do have.
We have each other.
So let's get a few calls in here.
Gang, brother.
Onward.
CEO, what up?
It's your boy Nathan from Minneapolis.
Dirty Nate over there from Minneapolis.
And you know, Nick Schwartzen is from over there.
And he really, that man is really, they call him the, he really has, actually he told me the other day he has coronarrhea, which is when you have, you know, fluid stool and also COVID, baby.
Gang shit.
Onward.
And I'm just calling to say thanks.
I was just listening to one of the episodes from the other week.
I think it was called Perspective Gadget.
And you got on this tear about items on a sale rack.
And that shit just, I don't even know how to describe how funny that was to me.
I started kicking the air.
I'm by myself outside my place doing a little American Spirit and cracking up so hard that I just started kicking the air.
I have no idea where that.
Oh, yeah.
That O2 dojo, bro.
That's that O2 dojo.
When you just start kicking the air, bro.
Wait till you fucking put the air into a damn rear naked choke.
Wait till you start doing that.
Wait till you start getting to that next level where you freaking, you know what I'm saying?
You climb up on the top rope and jump onto nothing and just leg drop absolutely nothing at all.
Gang shit.
But that's what you brought to my life.
So thanks, man.
Love you.
Love you too, brother.
Thank you for the call, man.
Thank you for the call out there.
Getting some vibe and enjoying yourself and just feeling something.
Yeah, there's like, there's, there's no sports.
There's no sports.
So, I mean, and some people are stuck in there.
Imagine if you are a person who has to often doesn't work at home and your wife and you guys don't spend much time together.
It's been like that for years.
And suddenly, y'all are stuck together.
I wonder how these domestics are doing.
If anybody out there is an officer of the law, I would love to know if you could hit the hotline 985-664-9503 and let us know if the amount of domestics has gone up.
Yeah, there's no sports.
Anything, anything, anything could become a sport.
I mean, they're going to put, you know, ESPN, one of the famed networks, famed sporting networks, they're having, they're showing down people, you know, they have Charles Barkley making a casserole now.
I mean, anything could be a sport.
Domestic disputes, I wouldn't be surprised if that becomes, you know, if they start to make leagues or a tournament.
You know, like, oh, damn.
You know, Tiffany sure beat the shit out of Randall last week, but it's best two out of three.
So let's see how this shakes out.
Let's take another call.
Here we go.
My God.
Oh, my God, dude.
I'm trying to get through Chris Delia's special right now.
And, I mean, I got to just know, why does he have so many holes in his black shirt?
Well, first of all, yeah, I do want to let you know, Chris Delia, you may have heard of him, up-and-coming comedian from, I think, where is he from?
I want to say maybe Key West or something.
I don't know where he's from, but he has a special out on Netflix.
I recommend you check it out.
It's called No Pain.
And I'll tell you why he has holes in his shirt because he's incomplete, brother.
You know who doesn't have any holes in their black shirt?
I'll give you 7,000 guesses, bruh.
Moi.
That's French guess right there, and that's the correct answer.
Enseur.
All right?
Because he's incomplete, man.
I'm surprised.
I bet if you look in my drawers right here, you will find the pieces of his shirt that are missing.
Because he don't have that fulfillment, man.
He doesn't have that.
He can't fill you up like daddy can.
Knock, knock, who's there?
Daddy with a cup of whatever you need.
So that's why he's got holes in his shirt.
Because that's who he is.
He shows up almost all the way.
In complete.
It's a good special.
It's a good special.
I recommend you guys check it out.
But if you want to know why he's got the holes in his shirt, that's why.
Let's take another call, man.
Thank you guys for hitting the hotline.
Let me do this too.
Let me tell you also, if you're bored in your house, which you have to be, you know why?
Because what you've been up to not another, nothing, nothing, nothing.
Literally, I fell asleep with half a mouthful of bugles and I had just went to bed.
I just ate half of a carton of frosting.
And I'm playing hide and go seek with my kid.
And I've been hiding for four hours.
And he's never going to find me because I drove down the block to the supermarket parking lot.
And I'm sitting here in my car and watching other men sit in their cars.
That's why.
And speaking of that, when I was growing up, they had, you know, they had a lot of men and adult men, I mean, not like real hairy kids.
I'm talking about fully adult men.
A man, you could tell he had the kind of guy who's not afraid to put a, you know, half a mouthful of Copenhagen in between his penis and his nuts and take the dip in that way.
That long route.
When I was young, a lot of men, different men, troubled men, men who had holes in their shirts type of guys.
You know, older men as well.
Guys like Brian Callan, who, you know, I don't know if you know him or not.
He's a, he kind of, he modeled for a bit.
He modeled for, actually, he, he, Elf in the Shelf is based on him, his body type and, and mythical youth.
But a lot of men would go to the Winn-Dixie and park out in front of it and cry and stuff in their car and drink.
And it was, this was before they had self-help and all of that.
This is before you could get help for yourself.
And men would drive over there and, you know, drink and sit in their truck, drink, pleasure themselves sometime with a booklet, with a pussy booklet.
You know, a lot of, and I hate to say that word, sorry.
And I should have told you I was going to say it, and I'm sorry I didn't.
But I'm telling you right now, I'm going to say it one more time right now.
So if you don't like hearing it, don't hear it when I say it.
But a man would get out there and get a pussy booklet and touch their penis and, you know, keep petting their own penis until something came out of their body.
A little bit of E-Jack, you know what I'm saying?
That body sauce, bruh.
A little bit of God's front wash, you know what I'm saying?
That starter.
That starter sauce.
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You could text, just say, hey, I want to check in about something.
I'm struggling with this.
You know, I'm struggling with that.
You know, Martha won't let me, you know, hang out at the house with my friends.
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Should I be alarmed?
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Let's take another call here.
As always, the hotline, 985-664-9503.
We've got some responses coming up to the Domino's pizza delivery guy who had seen his life hit a real shit curb and who wanted to tighten up his ability and really get, you know, that guy thought he was just going to, I mean, that guy didn't know if he was about to lock his own, you know, just duct tape a damn hot pizza to the side of his head or what.
And we got some stuff for him.
Sorry, I'm fucking, I'm on some coffee, bro.
I'll be honest.
I've been off coffee for about 10 days, maybe 12, probably 10. And that shit today, bro, I had a cup, dog.
Bro, I feel like, honestly, I could reach into my own butt and find something new.
That's how, I mean, that's where I'm kind of coming from at this moment.
So this coffee got me shook, man.
Got me shook up, bro, like a damn Christmas globe, you know?
And I remember one time I went to India and I bought a Christmas globe because things are hella cheap in India.
I mean, like a nickel, a dime, a 50 cent.
And I got a Christmas globe in there and inside of it, it had a picture of a snowman and he had a little sign and it said, just married Christmas.
That's what it said on it.
And that's one thing I loved about India.
You could get things that, and they fucked it up every time.
They fucked it up.
It would say, happy Halloween, right?
And it would have a picture of the Easter rabbit.
And in his basket, he would have like a, um, he would have like a little in his basket, he would have like a basketball in there.
And it would say, Merry Christmas.
You're like, what?
The fuck?
But that's India, bro.
If you want some real fucking wild shit, go to India, dog.
They got it.
And you can walk as far as you want in India.
They don't give a damn.
If you want to walk somewhere, start walking, dog.
The cops pull you over where you going.
Delhi.
New Delhi.
Old Delhi.
Double Delhi, dog.
And they'll be like, well, when are you going to get there?
You're like, I'm supposed to get there in November.
I'm like, all right, good luck.
Dude, you could get out of any crime.
You know, I was supposed to be in Nashville the other day, this past weekend, for that comedy show, Friday night.
And I'm so sorry that that didn't happen.
And yeah, I just, I wish I got to see everybody.
I miss it.
You know, I miss being able to be out there and seeing people.
And I'm glad I'm feeling that way.
I'm glad I'm, you know, I'm just missing everybody.
You know, I miss.
I just, I don't know.
I mean, I just miss everybody.
So I guess that's one thing when people say, what have you been doing?
I guess I've been missing everybody.
You know?
Let's take some other calls that came here.
Here we go.
Hey, Theo.
My name's Tony from Wichita, Kansas.
Hey there, Tony.
And Tony is a nickname also for Anthony or Antonio onward.
I'm just listening to your podcast right now, and you're talking about the seniors not being able to have prom and all we've missed.
And I'm one of those students, some of the seniors this year, canceled prom.
I don't know when I'm going to be able to walk to stage for graduation.
My birthday is on April 17th, and I was going to sign at my school to a college for wrestling, and now I can't have any of that.
And it's just, man, it's hard doing online school, being stuck in the house all day.
Man, I love your show.
Gang.
Gang, brother.
Yeah, that's, I mean, I can't imagine.
We talked a little bit about it last week.
I can't imagine that.
You know, you can't, you know, you got to sneak around if you want to touch a titty or do something.
And at your age, look, I'm going to say this.
I'm going to tell you, you know, at your age, there's probably some women you're like, I don't know if I'm really into them.
But if they want to mingle, touch that titty, baby, okay?
Because later in life, you will want to remember touching it.
Even if it was mediocre.
You know, I remember a girl over there in North Carolina.
And that's one of the premier 50 states over there near the East Coast, but kind of in the south.
People kind of don't know where it is.
And it starts with North, even though it's in the South.
So it's obviously also lost.
But a beautiful place, man.
They got mountains.
They got valleys.
They got all kind of shit.
And the, what was it talking about?
Oh, they had a girl there.
Her breast felt like a pair of damn shit diapers, really.
You know, baby diapers.
And when you squeeze, you ever seen a baby's diaper when it's full?
If you get that hot little, that bottom sack on a baby and they fill that thing up, that thing, there's nothing more kind of fun really than seeing a full diaper hang off a baby's bottom.
That shit is funny.
You know what I'm saying?
That baby is badass.
That's kind of the Tony Stewart of babies.
If you see a bunch of babies run around in an oval or a big track or circle or even just run by you and you see a couple of them got clean diapers and then that one baby goes by with that fucking fat bat caboose bruh and that thing is just you know that that rump has been chunking bruh or that thing's been front dripping dog and that diaper is full god damn there's something really you're like oh that's the tony stewart of babies right there um
but anyway this lady's breasts were like that and when you kind of squeezed them they stayed in the shape you squeezed them in which is unprecedented really if you think about that you know really think about it think about a uh a titty or something that looks like a titty okay think about it you got the thought okay now squeeze it or something now take your hand off
and it stays in the squeezed shape and you didn't squeeze hard you squeezed just a decent amount you know you squeezed just a cozy the normal amount of squeeze a titty would want and it stays like that praise god brother but that's how this lady so and i remember the next day i'd ridden up there with a band a group of um a group of musicians what were they called this is when i was living in charleston
south carolina over there um this band man they let me get on stage sometimes and i would wear small shirts and the shirts didn't fit me that well because i hit a late growth spurt in my and but i hadn't really purchased made any purchases to to you know really cover myself since the spurt and
um geez i'm going off track uh what i'm telling you is this dude that if you get a chance bruh go and you you just you'll you won't regret it usually you won't regret reaching for that opportune tit bruh you won't regret it man you're not gonna think years later man good thing i didn't you know put a
couple dollars in the tank and go over there and touch a little breast touch that fucking big front knuckle you feel me so but anyway man what was your problem yeah dude i'm sorry you can't go to prom man that shit is heartbreaking and and that you know not to imagine being a senior in high school it's your you're so excited you know it's your year man you get to walk around one of your friends has a beard all of a sudden you're like damn jake he's like yeah i know oh
yeah oh you know things are happening one of your you know one of your friends gets knocked up little deandra you're like damn deandra just going on in huh yeah i'm gonna have a guess i'm gonna keep it all right deandra you know people are making choices one of your and you don't get that you don't get to see that every day you don't get that experience man i'm i
mean i am real sorry man it's heartbreaking bro it's heartbreaking um but i think that there's gonna be other so there's gonna be some other great experience in your life that's going to happen uh because of this there's gonna be some way that this shakes out that's gonna be pretty awesome man will it be as awesome as your senior year of high school though i do not know bro i don't want to lie to you man and to not have prom think
about people not having prom right now um that's got to be hectic not having prom there are people there there's youngsters missing their prom that's why i say that we should have amazon prom you get a box in the mail it's got a whole prom in it in the box you know it's 13 it's 60 for the upsell you know you get the you know you get You get the whole thing in the box.
You get a little thing of lights, some Christmas lights.
You get a poster that says a night to remember or a walk in the smog or something.
You get that.
You get a corset.
You get a picture of two people eating overpriced Italian food.
Then you get somebody vomits for an extra $13 so that somebody vomits in your car an hour later.
That's prom.
That's Amazon Prom.
You know, Tiffany don't have a bra, so she got to borrow Janet's, you know, one of Janet's piece of leg hosiery.
You know, what is that called?
Panty.
One of them, you know, a leg looks like a panty.
You know what I'm talking about?
They got to tie a, what is that?
Hosiery.
They got to tie a hosiery under a breast, and they got to borrow that.
That's Amazon.
One of those is in there.
You know, you get a hit of ass that somebody gave you don't even work.
That's in there too.
That's $6, dude.
You got it.
Amazon Prom, you get everything.
You get that angry parent that shows up when you making out with, you know, with a girl everybody calls fucking Big Reno.
That's her nickname.
And, you know, her mom comes out, y'all in the damn Mazda over there, Mazda S6 or whatever.
And she comes out and tries to fistfight you in the yard because y'all over there necking.
You know, you get to pretend like your date's dress looks good, even though it looks absolutely ridiculous.
That's prom, bro.
That's Amazon prom.
You get all that in the box, man.
You get all that in the box.
This mic just broke.
Whatever.
It's life, man.
But dude, I love you, man, and I'm sorry you don't get that.
And look, you know, you don't get to go over at somebody's house and there's a keg and one of your friends fucking gets alcohol poisoning has to go to the emergency room.
You don't get it.
You know, it's heartbreaking.
You don't get to take photos and then you have to take a big group photo with a group of people you don't even freaking know and that costs you an extra $6.
And everybody's got acne.
You don't even, I mean, people hitting growth spurts even.
Somebody starts at the prime, they're 5-2 when they get there.
They're 5'7 ⁇ when they leave.
You don't even fucking know what happened to Ernest.
Who knows, bro?
Who knows?
But I love you, man.
Be safe out there.
Damn, this coffee's got me fucking jacked up.
Let me tell you this, man.
If you're not taking care of your crotch and area, now's the time.
And now really is the time.
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What else?
Oh, I was thinking about this, that I have a prediction that Hillary Clinton is going to end up running against Donald Trump's.
And here's what's going to happen.
Because Joe Biden's is really, I mean, he's disappeared.
I don't know.
He just aging quickly, it seems like.
And if he's not, then I believe it's being made to look like he is, right?
So if he is physically unable to run, which can happen, the delegates, I don't know if it's, I don't know this part, but the Democratic Party, I don't know who, I don't know exactly how, but this is true: that the Democratic Party can put up a new candidate.
They can just say, oh, he's too sick.
You know, he can say, I'm too sick.
I can't do it.
For whatever reason.
And then at the last minute, they can just put, this is our candidate.
So I have a feeling that that's what they're going to do.
That the Democratic Party is going to slip Hillary in there at the last second.
Because it takes off the road.
That's all that beat down on the road, all that hard.
Biden took that.
He took all of that commotion.
He took all the commotion that was going on, and then he kind of took all the bullets, and then Hillary going to show up there at the last second.
So I just have a feeling, man, because that's a true thing.
I think Franklin Roosevelt had done a couple of terms, and then he was too sick.
He was too sick, I think, to run during his last term or something, or when he was running for his last term, he was too sick to run, and they had to sub him out.
They basically subbed him out.
So you can, people can be subbed out.
And they don't have to go through like a whole, like everyone doesn't have to vote again from their party and stuff like that.
They just, the delegates choose.
The delegates choose like, okay, this is who we've decided.
Boom.
So just kind of wild, but that's my predictions, man.
I predict that that's going to happen.
I just wanted to get that out there.
What else?
Let's get to a couple more calls here, man.
Here we go.
Jocio, it's Austin from Tap, California.
Hey, Austin, thanks for calling, brother.
I got a little question to have.
Since they're planning on doing vaccines for this coronavirus, let's just say it turns into I am legend and turns everybody into zombies.
If I don't get it, do I run for the hills with my girlfriend or do I leave her behind and take my little shihtzu puppies, Mac and Cooper?
I appreciate your input.
Thank you.
Man, it's very, you know, that's a sad scenario, brother.
And I think the, you know, it's hard to choose, but you take Max and Cooper.
You take Max and Cooper, man.
And I wish the three of you guys the best of luck, man.
I mean, imagine that you're going to be able to make beautiful TikToks with those animals.
Let's take another call, man.
Here we go, gang.
What's up, Theo?
It's Andrew from Texas.
Just listening to your past podcast.
And, you know, you were saying a lot of stuff about how, you know, if you choose to have kids, maybe that's on you if you ain't got food at home and government's not supposed to take care of you.
I agree with that.
But at the same time, a lot of people are out of work right now.
A lot of people don't have, they're not getting a paycheck.
So it's like, a lot of people are living paycheck to paycheck to begin with.
I know you know what that's like.
And a lot of times people don't have food for their kids, pass paycheck to paycheck, and then now all of a sudden they got no jobs.
So I think that's just something to be mindful of when you've got a lot of listeners that kind of rely on you for positive influence and advice.
Maybe just take it easy on people a little bit right now.
A lot of people are out of work and that's not their fault.
It's not really necessarily on them.
And when the government shuts shit down, maybe it's on the government to pick shit back up.
Give people some fucking paychecks.
You know what I'm saying?
Gang, brother.
I appreciate the call, man.
I appreciate the constructive, you know, not even criticism, I wouldn't call it.
I would just say, I appreciate your thoughts, man.
Yeah, I think what I was, you know, and this is from last episode, I remember I was talking about, you know, that it's our responsibility, like you're your parent, you're your children's government.
That if something, you know, your kids don't have something, it's really, and I don't have children, but it is you're going to be, your kids look at you as their government, you know?
Yeah, I don't know if I was really saying that, you know, and maybe I should not clarify, but I think I was saying more that our government is just like a, it's just, I just think this is a good time for us to recognize that we need to be prepared.
You know, we need to be prepared for stuff.
I mean, this past week, I went and bought a bunch of water.
You know, I went and got extra canned goods.
I went and got extra things that I could have at home to make sure that I'm prepared.
You know, the government's just kind of a system.
It's just a, you know, it's something that we've created.
And yes, like we, you know, we look to them for support and for like struct to keep things structured.
But when they start to break down, like, you know, we're going to be left with ourselves.
If the government breaks down completely, we're going to be left with ourselves.
And I think that's really scary to think.
I'm sure it's way scary if you have children, you know, because you've grown, you know, we've become accustomed to a society that, you know, we're able to, you know, we have a job because the job exists, because of the markets and the capitalism.
And, you know, it's all, and then that job gives us a paycheck and we're able to provide for our families.
But I think I was just saying more that that system is, it's just a, you know, it's a system that we've been really blessed with here in America that we're really fortunate to have.
And as scary as it is, that that's that's just a it's just a system and it's just a structure and it's and it could it could fall apart you know it could fall apart and then at that point we're gonna be responsible uh completely responsible for ourselves um so yeah i don't think i was saying as much like oh you know like you
know like if you if you have to work paycheck to paycheck right now that you know that you're fucked up or there's anything wrong with you or um you know like that that that's jesus christ why don't i do something different for to make my life okay but um i don't know man i don't know what i'm talking about dude i don't know what i'm talking about bro okay do not
know what i'm talking about i'm just saying that we gotta we gotta look out for ourselves you know we really have to and it's probably really scary if you have children but we have to look out for ourselves we got to try our best to and i think that this is a reminder in a in a way that that there's a whole other system that's going on that's just a system of like existing um and and this makes that kind of like you know we are in such this comfortable hammock of of
this society that we live in of this structure we're really it really shows you just how lucky we are to be able to navigate within this kind of comfortable structure where the where there are programs for if we can't work or we can't survive that there's programs in place to help us um but then also this kind of perks up that other side of me that that animal side that's like well what if that goes away what if something happens am
i going to be able to take care of myself do i have have i started to think of what my plan would be um and maybe that kind of thing alone is just a is just too dark of a thought to really present so um but i hope you're doing well man i hope you're taking care of you and your kiddos out there it sounds like you know uh that your family is one thing that's first and foremost on your mind and and i think that that's real commendable man uh gang brother um we
had a caller last week a fella that called in young buck and he was having issues he was doing dominoes and delivering um hot pie and we've all had it you know we've all had a little bit of dominoes and oh and one thing i don't know if you knew this about dominoes somebody sent me this dm the other day and uh told me this but domino's pizza used to have a character called the noid and that's not a racial slur or
anything that's a um it's like a cartoon it was like a dirty cartoon boy that you know was sneaky and was kind of italian i guess i don't i think he was wanted to be italian it was like a want to be Italian and he would attack on the commercial for Domino's, this character, the Noid, N-O-I-D.
And again, that's not any type of a race thing.
It is a, that's what they called him.
He would attack the delivery people or something.
He would mess up the order.
And so the pizza was going to get there late.
But Domino's, they said that we guarantee that won't happen.
Your pizza will be there in 30 minutes.
And you got to understand, this was unprecedented.
For somebody to say, from the time you call our shop, 30 minutes later, we're going to have food at your doorstep.
Dog, that's gangster, dog.
Postmates don't even guarantee that shit.
Postmates don't guarantee.
Postmates say it could be now, could be 70 minutes.
Dude, I had a lady one time, she was driving it over, got hit, got an accident, got taken off in an ambulance.
My shit said like three hours because she'd been at the hospital for so long.
It had gone up to three hours.
This lady had not dropped off my Carls Jr.s.
And this, I don't know if she died or what, bro, but that shit, you know, I mean, it's a risky game out there when you peddling goods like that.
But let me tell you about this.
The Noid was this little character, and it was big.
He had a video game.
He had big stuff.
And Domino's blew it up at that moment.
They had pizza in 30 minutes.
What?
So the Noid, though, there was a guy.
Let me tell you what happened.
So the Noid.
Here's what happened.
On January 30th, 1989, Kenneth Lamar Noid, a mentally ill man who thought the ad campaign was a personal attack on him, entered a Domino's restaurant in Chambly, Georgia, armed with a 357.
Gang, bro.
So you know this shit ain't going to end well.
And he held two employees hostage for over five hours.
Can you imagine that?
Can you imagine, first of all, you freaking working at Domino's, and then second of all, the dude rolls over the 357 and held you hostage?
Actually, it's probably best because you're still on the clock and you don't, you can't make any pies.
I mean, I guess you could, but the guy might get pissed.
I guess it's up to him.
It doesn't say if he ordered any pies or not.
It just says he held two employees hostage for over five hours.
After telling the employees that Domino's owner, Tom Monaghan, had stolen his name because his last name was Noid, N-O-I-D, he forced them to call Domino's headquarters and demand $100,000.
And a white limousine is getaway transportation.
What an idiot, bro.
You know how hard it is to hide in a white Limousine very hard, bro.
Unless you hide at like a I don't even know where you'd hide, like in a milk flat, like in a milk area.
After offering to exchange one hostage for a copy of The Widow's Son, which I get is some book, the Noy reneged on his offer after a police brought him the book.
Noyd eventually became hungry and forced the employees to make him two special pizzas.
Fuh.
Respect, man.
Respect.
While Noy ate the pizzas with his gun in his lap, the hostages escaped.
Noyd surrendered to the police shortly after.
After the incident, police chief Reed Miller told reporters he's paranoid.
Noyd was charged with kidnapping, aggravated assault.
It doesn't say he fucking assaulted him.
Extortion, and possession of a firearm during a crime.
I wouldn't call going to Domino's a crime.
That's kind of judgmental.
He was found not guilty by reason of insanity.
Gang, bruh.
Noyd spent time in a mental institution but committed suicide in 1995.
Damn.
This incident has been insinuated to have caused Domino's Pizza to discontinue advertising using the Noid as their mascot.
Wow.
So there you go.
That's everything that happened with Anoid.
And thank you to the young man that he sent me a DM and told me that.
What else, man?
What else have I been doing, dude?
Nada.
Doing Nada.
Same thing you've been doing.
Let's get through this episode, man.
Oh, but a young fella called and he had some issues with delivering pies.
And I want to, you know, some men called in with some responses and I want to share some thoughts that they wanted to give you, young Buck.
Here we go.
Hey, Dito, this is Sean calling from Galfport, Mississippi.
I just wanted to send some advice to that young man that called in and said he was 19 years old and working for Domino Steve delivering pies and didn't feel like he had a direction.
I just wanted to say, brother, look, you're 19. You're not supposed to have a direction, but you have a job and you're a productive member of society.
You're not laid up on your mom's couch smoking dope.
You're doing the right thing.
You're headed in a direction.
Don't worry, brother.
It'll come together.
Keep doing what you do and being productive, man.
That's what it's all about.
As long as you've got a little scratch in your pocket, you're paying your taxes.
You're a 100% adult man.
So keep doing you, brother, and keep up the good work.
Trust me, man.
You're young.
Your life will shape up.
Just stay out of trouble and keep on a straight path.
Gang, bruh.
I like that message, man.
That's a good message.
It got a little anti-drug at the end with the stay on a straight path.
But before that, 100%, man.
Yeah, productivity.
If you stay productive, all you're going to make is more productivity.
That's it.
There's no, it doesn't add up any other way.
If you stay productive, you're going to produce.
And all that's going to do is create opportunity.
You know, it reminds me of this fellow in our neighborhood growing up, this boy named Robbie, and he was real jacked, and he had beautiful hair.
God damn, man.
I mean, strawberry blonde.
He was probably one of the finest.
He was a man, but he would have qualified as probably one of the hotter women in our neighborhood.
He was, you know, he was just jacked.
He had big old.
He didn't have, I mean, he had, you know, he was voluptuous to be strong as a man, but he had big, his arms looked like they had damn titties in them.
Just strong.
And he worked at a grocery store by the Wynn-Dixie.
He worked by the place where people would go cry over there and masturbate.
And, you know, kind of spend time, you know, before they had mental health.
And he worked in there.
I think he was stocking shelves at the beginning.
And by the end, he worked there for a while.
And then by the end, he was a manager.
And then I think he was a district manager.
And then he started his own business.
He got out of that business, but got started two or three of his own companies.
And I went and visited a fellow not long ago.
And he lived in a damn huge, beautiful home in like the nicest neighborhood anywhere in our area.
And he just, it just showed me, he just, he stayed productive.
That's all I'm saying.
You know, he stayed really productive.
Let me pull, here's another couple calls that came in about that same thing, brother.
Here they go.
Hey, Theo, my name's Jefferson from Denver, Colorado.
Calling in about the dude couldn't get his thoughts together, but we got enough info out of him that I wanted to kind of share something with him.
He's 19 years old and he feels like a loser because he's at Dominoes and doesn't know what he's doing.
And I'm going to tell you, 99% of the people on this planet at 19 years old don't know what they're doing.
And at 23 years old, I started working at Dominoes myself and still didn't know what I was doing at 23. You know, I am now 36. I'll be 36 here in a couple days.
And I'm doing quite well for myself.
And it all started out with dominoes, and I still don't have a degree.
You just have to be not afraid to take leaps and push forward at all times.
Sometimes it's hard because you're complacent where you're at and you don't want to take the leap to match.
You know, that's the things you have to do when you get older.
So I'm doing myself.
You know, you're younger, just playing the pieces of dominoes.
Not doing a whole lot, man.
And trust me, I'm doing pretty well for myself nowadays.
Gang, there you go.
And that's a fellow right there that sold pies to adults and children.
And he's doing well.
Yeah, hanging in there and staying productive.
You can't, there's just, there's no way to really lose, I don't think, if you stay productive, man.
There's no real way to lose, man.
Dude, I remember I worked at a place called BJ's Pizzeri.
And this was a real, you know, beautiful place.
They had pies in there.
They had a little bench to sit on when you walked inside.
This shit was nice, man.
And one thing I really missed, or one thing I loved, they had a soda machine.
They had everything.
Pepsi, Mr. They had Sprite Orange.
That's when you knew you had, at least we're working at a decent shop.
They had the orange soda, not just the regular shit.
But anyway, and this place was called BJ's, dude.
Blowjobs.
I mean, it's, anybody thinks BJs, they think blowjobs.
That's a given.
You ask 70 people, if I say BJs, what do you think of?
65 people are going to say blowjobs.
But this place, they said it meant black jacks.
Nobody's fucking thinking that shit, dog.
Nobody's thinking black jacks, dude.
Unless you had a picture of three black guys on the sign and they all had a shirt on that said jack on them.
Then I could see that.
You know.
But this didn't have that.
It was just, it said BJ's pizza.
And the pizza was actually, it was good, but it was fucked up as well because I don't even know.
The meat was real questionable.
It had little balls of meat.
And that was what kind of meat we had.
If they wanted ham, they got the kind of red balls.
And if they wanted burger, they got the little brown balls.
And dude, we had one pie, you were fucking, at the end, you splashed a fucking little hit of beer on top of it.
People loved it.
Like, it just, you know, anyway, I would work in there and the oven was always burning people.
And they found human hair in the oven.
But before that, you know, we worked over there and I had a mop and everything, bro.
And the shit was crazy.
And we would get high and fucking sneak fucking handful of pudding, bro.
During the shift, I'd go over there and fucking put my hand in that pudding and go eat it in the bathroom by myself.
But what I'm saying to you, man, is that, and here I am, you know, 20, 25, 23 years later, and I'm doing a totally different trade.
So that's what I'm telling you, too, man, is, you know, a lot of people, I think, you know, you could start somewhere and you could end up somewhere else.
But I never stopped working.
I never stopped working, man.
You know, I definitely, I wasn't always as productive on my time off, but I feel like I've always had a job of some sort, gang.
Best of luck to you, though, man.
Obviously, people care and they wanted to send in some messages.
And we actually got a few more than that, but I believe those are the two that I can find right here.
We got one other call that came in, and it was a response to a gentleman who called a couple weeks ago.
His son is an asthmatic.
And I want to play this call, gang.
Yo, Theo, say, just watching to episode 269, I just heard that guy call in.
His kid's got asthma.
Something I just wanted to mention to you.
Maybe you can say something in an episode or something.
Yeah, no, well, sorry to interrupt you.
An asthma, some people don't know.
What if in a past life your son was a fish or a water snake?
Then you have to think that, I mean, then it wouldn't, it's not shocking that he's not the best land creature, that he doesn't have, he's not as equipped here.
If you believe in that sort of thing, that someone could be something and then be readmitted into society as something else.
So there's always, there's other levels to it all, gang, brother.
Let's hear more.
I just wanted to mention to you, maybe you can say something in an episode or something, or get the word out to him somehow.
You guys contact him for.
There's a breathing exercise called Wim Hoff breathing.
There's a moderator on that Facebook group for Wim Hoff that actually essentially cured his asthma with this breathing exercise.
So, you know, I don't know for certain if it's going to work, but it definitely worked for this guy.
But yeah, just wanted to mention that to get that info to them so they could check it out.
All right, man.
Gang, brother, thank you.
Yeah, so there's an opportunity right there.
If you have asthmatic or you have some breathing issues, you know, don't have the ability to breathe well, hit them up, bruh.
Check out that Facebook group and you might be able to find a little bit of solution there.
Let's take another call that came in right here, man.
985-664-9503.
Hey, Theo, this is Jacob down here in South Florida.
What's up, Jacob?
In South Florida, they just, well, not South Florida, but in Jacksonville, they just opened the beaches back up to humans.
And, man, I literally thought about flying over there.
That's how much I really just want to go get in the water.
Gang, Brother Onward.
I heard your episode this week, and that kid who called in working at the Domino's, who was kind of upset about where he was in life, kind of reminded me of my own situation.
You know, I went to college for a little bit for the same thing for music.
It didn't work out for me.
I was 18, 19, just delivering pizza, slinging them pies at Papa John's.
Oh, yeah.
Them adult pies at Papa John's, and that's a risky pie to deliver.
That's them racial pies.
You know, Papa John's, you drop the pie off and somebody graffiti the N-word or the L-word inside of it.
You know, somebody graffiti, you know, somebody writes K-I-K-E, you know, somebody pulls up a piece of pizza and somebody wrote K-I-K-E under it.
You know, or somebody draws a picture of a Chinese boy on the front jumping off a building.
You know, you have all kind of shit that just unnets, just dark stuff that's really heartbreaking, really.
So yeah, imagine that.
Not only say the pies late, they get there to late.
They open the box, they're also suddenly, they're racially offended.
You could get fucking gunned down over there in Inglewood, bro.
Gang shit, man.
Let's hear more.
Bring pizza, slinging them pies at Papa John's.
I went from working at Papa John's, I moved across the country.
I was working for the mentally disabled for a few months.
Praise God, brother.
That was interesting.
Then went and worked at a machine shop doing CNC machining, making gun parts, all kinds of crazy shit like that.
Damn.
Then I moved back across the country, back home to Florida.
Now I work as a property manager doing inspections of houses.
Oh, and that definitely sounds like somebody that's fucking hiding bodies, bro.
Gang shit.
Onward, sir.
So for that kid, just keep moving forward, man.
You don't have to have any kind of experience.
If you nail that interview, if you're confident, you can basically do whatever you want.
I don't really know how to do shit, but I've had all these jobs, and it's worked out so far.
So keep your head up, brother, and keep doing your thing.
Gang, brother.
Thank you, man.
Thank you for the call.
And thanks for thinking of somebody else, you know?
Thanks for thinking of that boy.
You know, one thing I've struggled with recently, just too much thinking of myself.
Just too much, man.
You know, too much in my own head.
And really the solution to that is others.
Other people make you feel good.
They really do.
You know, if you are sick of yourself, man, if you are sick of yourself, nothing will make you feel better than helping somebody else.
And even, man, when I help somebody else, sometimes it's hard for me.
There's something inside of me sometimes that makes me, you know, like I had a friend that was working and recently they couldn't work because of the virus.
So I thought, you know, I'll pay them anyway.
They can't work.
I'll pay them anyway.
And one week I even paid them more than what our original agreed on amount.
And it's crazy, man, because I was okay doing it.
And then it still bothered me for a couple days after.
Like this greedy part of me was like, man, why'd you do that?
You know?
And it's funny because it's not even, it wasn't even like a part that was like attached to my heart or anything.
It was just.
Like, why did you do that?
You know, why?
Why?
I don't know.
I can't even figure out exactly what I was upset about.
Like, what about it upset me?
but there was just there's yeah Just a part of me that just was...
I don't know.
Just like, why did you give that?
Why'd you give them extra money?
Why'd you give extra?
Why'd you?
And I'm not saying that that's how I...
I'm happy that, you know, I'm not trying to brag on myself or anything like that.
I'm just thinking, because we're all doing that right now.
We're all helping out where we can.
I'm just trying to think about there's, there's just that little part of me that sometimes will flare up and be like, man, why'd you do that?
You know?
And that's the devil, man.
That's the dark archery.
That's the dark artistry that's in us.
That's in the world.
It's that little thing.
It's that little motherfucker tapping on your shoulder.
hey bro, why'd you do that?
You know, that little part of me that wants to...
I don't know, just...
It's just the dark arts, man.
It's that part of me that wants to not be helpful or not be loving.
I don't know what it is, man.
And it's almost impossible to really kill that off completely.
It's just impossible.
You know?
I don't know what I'm talking about, man.
Let's take a call right here.
Here we go.
Hey, yo, Theo.
My name's Brett, and I'm from Canada.
Hey, Brett.
What's up, man?
I would love to know if some people from different countries want to hit the hotline.
I want to know how they're surviving around the world, man.
I've been thinking a lot about that.
How they're surviving over there in Guam, Viet Guam, Scotland, Ireland, Canada, United Kingdom, okay, Spain.
If you're from another country and you got the opportunity to let us know, let us know just how it's holding down over there.
Because there's a lot of reports online.
I mean, every day they're like, Italy has the most, Italy this, something this.
You know, the Chinese are lying.
You know, it's all just like all kind of jibber jabby.
Onward?
I just want to let you know that yesterday was one year sober, completely sober for me.
No alcohol, no drugs.
And I owe a lot of it to you, but I owe most of it to myself for keeping in there with that grind.
When I say I owe a lot of it to you, it's because you just have that positive attitude and outlook on everything, man.
And just watching you and watching how you interact with people makes me want to do the same, but in my own way.
So, yeah, I just have to say thanks to you, man, for being there, man.
Hey, you be good to yourself.
Thanks.
Gang, bro.
Thanks, man.
Thank you.
Thank you for the nice words, man.
One of my favorite things you said.
You said, I want to thank you, but I really want to thank myself.
Man, good for you.
Good for you, man.
Good for you.
Thinking about, just recognizing you did this for yourself.
You know, you didn't give up on yourself, man.
Because that's a hard battle to fight.
You know, fighting the battle of addiction and the battle of that shoulder devil.
You know, he'll take your dander from put it in a damn line and show it to you.
Say, dang, don't you want this now?
You know, just having that, I don't know, man.
Just that's awesome.
I'm real, real happy for you.
I'm really happy for you, bro.
You know, and that must feel good to just not have given up.
That productivity, man, to just not give up.
Congratulations, brother.
That's beautiful, dude.
We did a lot, man.
We did a lot in this call.
Let's take, we'll end there, man.
We'll end there for today.
A lot of great calls have come in.
And, yeah, I'm feeling kind of fucking jacked up today, man.
I don't know.
I'm just staying busy and stuff, but I'm just feeling kind of jacked up.
You know, I just kind of angry at myself, I guess.
And, yeah, I guess I don't know.
Sometimes a lot of this.
Yeah, I don't know.
I think sometimes fear just slips in.
Like, I don't know what I'm doing.
you know, I'm going to mess everything up or I'm going to...
And then my brain will tell me, oh, well, there used to be a time when you knew what you were doing.
And I don't even know if that's true, but that's my brain tell me.
My brain will play that card.
Remember when you used to know what you were doing?
So then I start to get upset at myself because I'm like, damn, I used to know, but that might not even be true.
You know, my brain makes its own cards.
Like, we agreed there was a certain deck, and then my brain has just been making cards of its own.
And it uses them sometimes.
And it's just, it's tough, man.
It is, it's tough.
It's tough.
And I know a lot of people are going through things and a lot of people are struggling in different ways.
And, you know, that gentleman said it best right there, you know, to be good to yourself and just try and be loving.
And, you know, everything will be okay.
Everything is okay.
You know, everything is okay.
And I'm grateful, bro.
I'm grateful to be here today.
You know, and what's going on, man?
Nothing.
Nothing is going on.
I talked to my niece earlier.
That made me feel good.
You know, I talked to my brother this week.
Hung out with my ex-girlfriend the other day and we made a puzzle.
And that was very nice.
You know, we just had a nice, simple time.
And, you know, I'm grateful to have people in my life that love me, even though I feel like I haven't always been the best person.
and uh and And that's interesting how in loving somebody, there's so much forgiveness in love, you know.
It's such a...
You know, when somebody really loves you, man, they really, really loves you, they...
They're really, they're forgiving all the things that you have done, even if they don't even know what they are, really.
You know, when somebody just loves you, just really...
Isn't it rare?
Think about it.
When you ask somebody, how many times in your life have you been in love?
And they say, oh, maybe once.
Maybe twice.
Some people say never.
But, you know, to think of how long we stay alive and the things that we do and how many times have you been to the grocery?
How many times have you felt sorry for yourself?
Or how many times have you, you know, fallen over while you was reaching for something?
Hundreds, bro.
All those answers could be hundreds, a thousand maybe.
But when somebody says, how many times have you been in love?
You know, you say, man, once, maybe, maybe twice.
Or how many times have you loved someone just unconditionally, you know?
Maybe never, man, when I think about that one.
I don't know if I ever have.
But it's just so rare, though, when you think about the time we spend here.
And then when you think about, man, how many times I've loved someone for all the years and all, how just what a rare thing it is.
You could spend a year painting for gold.
You'll probably probably find 20 golds, 20 items of gold.
But still, you might only fall in love twice in your life, three times.
I mean, it's just.
Love is just a powerful thing, man.
It's powerful to say to somebody, man, you know, I love you.
I love you no matter what.
I don't think I've ever done that.
I don't think I've ever done that.
I think my love is always I love you until, or I love you, but, or I love you as long as.
Or I'm going to really love you when...
You know, it's hard.
It's hard, man.
Being alive is interesting.
It's an interesting, interesting journey.
All right.
Thank you guys for supporting the podcast.
Support our advertisers, BetterHelp, and Manscaped.
I hope everybody's doing well.
I appreciate you listening.
Some weeks are tougher for me than others.
I'm grateful to have a job.
And I hope you guys are doing okay.
You know, I hope that you're not being too hard on yourselves.
You know, there's a lot going on.
There's a lot of sticky stuff out there.
So just stay out of the glue.
You know, but stay in the honey.
You feel me?
Be good to yourselves, man.
You guys deserve it, man.
Okay.
Okay.
This is Bishop Gunn with Anything You Want.
So you take a river to a blower to a cold, do it to your throat to escape reality.
And I can hear you saying, that's what a hold you got on me.
Don't make me spend all night alone.
If you'll just give me what I need, you can have anything you want.
This reminds me a little bit of Wise Prep Panic, this song.
I'm 18, had a dream of a big screen.
I'll go look where the bright lights shine.
Yeah.
But you out on field 21 years by the black teams getting ready for the next in life.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
The answer may shock you.
Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
Sometimes I won't.
And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
You have three new voice messages.
A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else.
So great.
Hi, Sweetheart.
Easy to.
Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.
John Maine.
I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.
Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
Oh, no!
Wow!
I think Tom Hanks just butt dialed me.
Anyway, first rule of Kai Club is tell everyone about Kai Club.
Second rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kai Club.
Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on YouTube, yeah?
