Theo recaps his tour through Europe, and responds to some listener voicemails.
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Some people they don't really have a that they don't have that that rise in them, that lift.
You know, everybody has a buddy who just uh he's an elevator, but he's just only in the parking garage.
You know, he ain't even making it to the lobby of the building.
But we're elevators, man.
And some people, I mean, their elevator is out of service.
Sometimes you meet someone and I mean, they should just have a sign on them.
They ain't going anywhere.
So, but we on the rise, baby.
You know that.
Kimmy.
I'm just sitting on your front porch, wondering how could I be so far from my home.
I was far from my home, bro.
You're rope.
And my mind is somewhere else but when I find it I'll patch up where it's been blown Now I'm just floating on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves I must be cornerstone
Oh, but when I reach that ground I'll share this peace of mind I found I can feel it in my bones But it's gonna take a little time for me to set that parking brake and let myself unwind
Shine that light on me I'll sit and tell you my stories Shine on me And I will find a song I will sing it just for me
And now I've been moving way too fast On a runaway train With a heavy load of my hands Okay Okay, okay, okay.
Oh, yeah.
And the world, sometimes the world, you just, that globe, you want to slow that globe, baby.
Sometimes you want to slow that globe.
I'm back.
I'm back from Europe.
Europe, my up, our up.
And Europe, if you don't know what Europe is, that's that original America.
If you go over there, some places, especially Britain, United Britain Kingdom, I mean, they got so many names for that place.
It's wild.
England, Britland, Scotland, North Scotland, Wales, Celtics, Rangers.
Dude, Willie Wallace is over there.
And he done closed down a Sherwin Williams buying all the baby blue face paint.
And they, I mean, it's, ah.
Ah.
Good to be back.
And it was a, it was a, it was quite a journey.
It was a great time.
It was, I'm going to tell you about it.
What happened, man?
Yeah.
Dude, if you don't know about Britain or it's basically, it's kind of like, say if America had like, you went over to your grandparents' house and they had a bunch of stuff in the attic and they got like a lot of like a glass, like a case with a lot of fancy shit in it.
Like a lot of fancy silver wares and special spoons.
Dude, sometimes your grandmother will have like a little chiffer robe with some glass doors on it.
Some just straight up lion the witch in the wardrobe type of deal.
And inside of it, she'll have 30 spoons in there.
Like, what in the hell is this, man?
Is she free basin?
Is she, you know, cooking up that smack?
What's going on, grandma?
And that is a little bit like Britain.
It's kind of like your grandparents' house.
They got a lot of fancy old stuff.
They have just like a lot of, like, you'll see a guy walking by, he'll have on chain mail.
You know, he'll have a scroll.
He'll have something from you don't even know how long ago it's from.
You know, you'll see somebody, they're eating food, you know, they're having like a 400-year-old aged steak.
Like, dang, man, that steak, what is that?
Is that triceratop?
What is that?
You don't, they, it's just, it's, yeah, it's like going to, your grandparents, they got all the old, they got a picture of a dude on the wall with a sword.
Like, who is that?
You know, Jerry Sword.
Who is that?
Fucking Poke Hannis, bro?
Who is it?
That dude's got that thigh needle, bro.
He have that sword right there.
Ready to take somebody's eye out or whatever.
Do a shish kebab.
Do the onion and the meat.
But man, I had a great time.
I'm going To take you through a little bit of the journey of the journey.
Yeah, let me start off.
We'll start off with, you know where it was, London, Britain.
And that's a little bit of British theme music right there.
And as you can tell from the music, the theme is nap time, probably.
Britain, okay.
We started off, went over to Manchester.
And I don't know who this Manchester is, bro, but he is pretty much...
and I say this with love, I really do, because I thought a lot about it.
England obtained somehow some of the worst looking women I've ever seen in my life, man.
Dude, I look, I love, and man, it hurts me to say it.
But some of the women, you're like, dude, no wonder they, if those were the women I had to be around visually, I would go around and enslave the rest of the world.
They need a couple bad bitches shipped in over there.
It just, yeah, you'll, I mean, they just, dang, some of the women, you're like, oh, dang, you a woman?
Oh, man.
I think that's the real reason.
If we could dig up a couple of these pilgrims and do a seance on them, you know, put that Ouija on them, bro.
Throw a couple of magic rocks on their back or whatever, or smoke a bowl out of their skull and get their ideas, we would know for a fact that the real reason that the pilgrims left England,
whenever it was, 1,300, whatever, 1,000, whatever, was because they heard there was some tan bitches over there in North America.
Some of those land bitches, bro.
You know what I'm saying?
Some of those outdoor bitches.
You know what I'm talking about?
Indians, dude, Native Americans.
Because the women, they just, they, God, bruh.
I would start a war with somebody, too.
If those were the women I had, I'd start a war.
I'd go warring for women.
I'd roll a cannon down at a freaking straight over to the females in a different country.
And I'd fight anybody that wanted me to not have those women.
Because these ladies, some of them, they're just, I can't even, they just, they look kind of, I don't know.
And then in Britain, the people, a lot of them real, and look, thank you guys.
Thank you guys for coming out, Manchester.
You guys showed out.
And this was now this, I started in Manchester, bro.
And so in Manchester, I don't even know how the place got started.
Probably this man, you know, he just said, hey, I'm going to chill right here if y'all want to be here with me.
And everybody was like, all right, Chester, bro, we'll do it.
So, but yeah, the women, bro, they just little, they're all real kind of little.
And their legs, they don't have all their whole body seem to look like a butt.
Their whole body seem like a little, like a, like a, kind of a, like a strong little butt.
Like a little.
Like imagine if somebody had butt all over their body.
You know, they're just covered up in that freaking cheek meat.
You know, and when they walk, you'd be like, even when they wave at you, you just see that ass shake a little bit on their forearm everywhere.
They smile and be like, dang, they got that smiling ass meat face.
Kind of.
And that's, you know, how it was.
They just, that's what it was like over there.
And in England, people are just kind of like, and everybody, I call them the white Japanese, man, because the British, they're very traditional.
Okay, you have a ton of tradition.
You have a lot of, I think, kind of inner turmoil and like inner kind of pain.
And there's a lot of like family, name, honor.
And they kind of keep things chill until they get drunk and then they absolutely lose their shit and they turn red.
And basically, that's the white Japanese.
They have that white Japanese-y kind of feel.
Like, I bet at night, secretly, a Lot of British people put on karate suits because they know in their heart and deep down in their bone marrow where they are really from and they are the white Japan.
And everything is pudding.
That's what they have for, I don't know what it is.
You want the pudding?
Pudding.
Pudding, man.
Blood pudding.
Pudding.
Yeah, pudding.
Pudding.
Mista.
Mista pudding.
And some of the ladies look like they had about 7,000 servings of pudding, dude.
And they just look like a pudding in a boot.
I mean, damn, they have.
Oh, man, I feel so ice cold.
And look, I'll say this.
I knew that the women weren't good looking when I was getting hit on.
I was probably one of the, I would say, 7,000 best-looking women in England when I was there, bro.
Gang, dog.
Gang.
But with that said, man, yeah, we got to Manchuria.
And it just was, you know, really glum.
There's a lot of like, like, Eeyore is probably from there from the Paddington Winnie the Pooh, you know?
Where's my tail?
That guy.
You know, probably that some folks call that Slingblade and then Kaiser Blade.
That dude.
Slingblade probably would be the mayor over there.
Because it's got that real ambiance, you know?
It don't have much ambiance.
It's got that ambiance.
Like, ambiance is like, nah.
And that was the start.
We started off in Manchester, but the shows were good.
It was, you know, it's the starter.
When I'm starting something up, it's, you know, it's like, you know, to go somewhere and you get off the jet and the plane and the people and you got to do it.
You're like, damn, I got to do it still.
But the crowd was real nice, supportive, and I didn't change much material.
I would kind of try and talk about the area a little.
But since I just got there in Manchester, there wasn't anything to discuss yet.
Because I was fresh to the gate.
And I was fresh to the gate, bro.
Like that freaking lettuce, dog.
And then we went to, hold on, I know where we went.
Ireland.
Ireland.
And that's some Irish music right there.
And that is from a group called Rundale.
Rundal.
And Ireland showed out.
This was, I think, a Monday night in Dublin.
We had two shows.
And they, the Irish, I got this jacket.
I got this soft jacket from there.
From Trinity College.
And we went into Trinity College in Dublin.
And they have the oldest library.
This is like where Hogwarts keeps its hogs, you know, this thing old.
I mean, some of the books you open it up, dude, and your great-grandfather's in there, you know, washing his legs in a bucket.
Like, damn, this thing old.
Dude, you open one book and St. Peter's in there reading an even older book.
Like, damn, this shit is old.
Dude, I opened up one book, bro.
It had time in it.
You know, time, bro, from the beginning of time?
It's just fucking falling out.
Dewey Decimal was there.
He was there, man.
He had hurt his leg, but he was there.
And we went into this library, and it's the oldest library, I think, in Earth, in planet Earth.
They haven't found anything else that's older.
And it's priceless.
They said the value of the books in there, priceless.
Trinity College, the library's at.
And you can even go and check the books out.
I mean, if you, I'm sure if something happens to one of them, you're, you know, you're going to work there for the rest of your life, but you could go check it out.
But what happened?
Yeah, people came out in Ireland, brought, oh, a guy brought me some great art.
It's like great and not great, you know, it's kind of this young artist, bro, McCloskey is the boy's name.
And yeah, and yeah, I mean, it just, once you go from England to Ireland, you get a bit more, the tradition's a little bit different.
The tradition gets a little more, I would say, alcoholic.
You know, people's just, you know, they just feel, they just, they, I don't know, there's a lot more, it's just more whimsical.
You know, you'll see a dude just using a nice bar of soap over there, like in a puddle.
You're like, all right.
And they're tough people there, too.
They're real.
You'll see a baby.
I saw a baby getting pushed in a little carriage, bro.
You know, and he, and it was windy.
I mean, they probably had 30 mile per hour winds just right on the street.
And this baby's whole head just really chill.
You could tell he was he was just toughing it out, though.
That's the Irish, bro.
They tough it out.
This baby had a little russet in his jaw, bro.
You know, he had a fucking half a kilo of Potod in his cheek, and he was just tatering against the cold.
And his mom was just pushing him.
And you could tell this baby, he was going to, you know, nothing would stop him for the rest of his life because he was dealing with it all right now.
I mean, when you're 11 months old and you going straight face to face against 30 mile per hour winds, I don't even think the baby had a damn hat on or anything.
He had a diaper.
He had a very strong diaper.
And the baby honestly might have had a tattoo, man.
The Irish are wild.
And they're real pale, too.
So, I mean, I'm kind of, you know, I'm racist, but I ain't fucking Irish racist, dude.
Those dudes, as soon as you see them, you're like, damn, I'm white, but I ain't this white, bro.
Dude, they really, they whitened it up.
What else?
Yeah, but that baby, you'll see the mom will just, if the baby gets too, he can't handle the elements.
The mother, you'll see the mother lick his cheeks and wetten them up.
You know, or just lick his eyes shut real quick, but let the baby get some rest.
But in Dublin, man, the people were great.
And it was just a lot of like kind of stop and go.
It was like you go, you get to the place, you get some food, you get, and then and then you get moving.
And then you get going to the next place.
Oh, I saw Prince Harry and Megan.
They left.
And if you don't know about it, then you can know about it right now.
Prince Harry and Megan left.
And that's so wild.
If I was a prince, would I just, they gave up the titles, kind of, and they moved to Canada and America.
That ain't really roughing it.
You want to rough it, give up the titles, move to Serbia and Montenegro, dog.
You know?
You want to rough it, move to, you know, St. Louis and Afghanistan.
You know, but giving up the titles, would you give up the titles?
The titles are kind of old-fashioned, I guess.
I mean, I think that some of the thing is crazy.
I mean, I don't know.
I don't know, man.
I got a lot of schools.
Sometimes I wish we had a king.
You know, I wish we just voted and we just had this kind of strange dude wandering around in a building somewhere.
You know, and practicing jousting and shit like that and doing thumbs up or thumbs down every time a new bad boys movie comes out.
So you know if you have to see it or not.
And then they, you know, but, yeah, they're giving up the titles, man.
If I was a prince, would I give that up?
But Harry was the wild.
Harry was always the wild one.
He was in the military.
He seems like the cool cat.
You know, he had his wiener out in Vegas, dude.
That's a regular guy.
I mean, hell, he could be president next, you know, in two terms.
It makes you kind of.
The lady, they got the baby.
Yeah, I'm saying if you're going to give up the titles, though, they're going to still be.
I think they kind of just didn't want to live at the house.
That's what it sounds like.
They wanted to get out of London.
They wanted to get into maybe something just more of an adventure kind of.
And plus his brother Charlie is the yeah, Harry's the Duke, I think.
Yeah, the other boys that were going to be the king.
Dude, if my brother's going to be the king, bro, fuck.
You guarantee I'll be out fishing, dude.
Dang, bro.
I ain't just going to hang out at the house and watch my brother be king.
Come on, boy.
Dude, I'll grow my arms out and be out there chasing.
You know?
Or I would, dude, if my brother's a king, I would be up to no good.
I would get some neck tattoos and probably get a Dodge Charger and drive past the middle school or the high school, even though I'm too old to be there.
And floor it and make the ladies hot, bruh.
Let the ladies get that damp canal, bro.
Let them tighten up when they see daddy roll by.
If I was like young, I'm not talking about now.
I'm saying if I was a young, I don't know what I'm talking about.
But I'll tell you this.
I'm happy to be home and I'm happy to have been there.
Thank you very much, England, for the support and for coming out.
Dude, it was crazy to go to a place and to have people come out.
I'm going to get right back into more of it.
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We got a call that came in.
And I want to drop it on you right here, gang.
Oh, hey, Theo.
It's Rebecca from London in England.
Yesterday.
Thank you for calling, Rebecca.
It's very nice to hear you call.
Cheers, Miss.
Cheers, Miss.
Mom.
All right.
Sorry, I've been practicing my English.
Onward.
Me and my boyfriend came to see your daytime Saturday show at the Shepherdsbush Empire, and we loved it.
Thank you very much.
That's really nice to hear you saying you got a beautiful accent too.
That accent is...
Onward?
It was amazing.
We had a really good time.
We wanted to check something out with you, though.
Just as you were walking off stage, out of sight, we thought we saw you shake your head.
And now this could have been out of triumph, or perhaps there was somebody waiting in the sidelines that you were happy to see, but maybe you were disappointed in something.
We don't know.
But we wanted to find out what you thought about the show, what your reflections were, general, how you felt the London fans differ from the US fans.
Anything really.
We also taken a couple of 15 kilogram hitters just before, so we could have got this totally wrong.
Sorry if we did.
Look, we were sitting at the back of level one and everyone around us was having a good time.
We were having a good time.
Please keep doing what you're doing.
We love you.
Gang Gang.
Gang Gang, madam.
Wow, what a sweet call.
And even just hearing your voice just reminds me suddenly it takes me right back to being in England.
And I'm sorry, I'm sure you are a beautiful lady and now I feel horrible about saying that about some of the women.
But, you know, you're right, actually.
The afternoon show in London, and I hadn't talked about London yet.
London was a different experience than Manchester.
London is very bustling.
It's very diverse.
You have a lot of different, it just feels more worldly.
It's huge also.
Every building, I'm like, is that the Buckingham Palace?
And people are like, nah, dude.
You know, that's a Wendy's.
Like, dang, bro.
Well, Wendy's living large out here, Papa.
You know what I'm saying, dude?
Obviously, she moved on from that little, you know, she was being probably a call girl for old Dave Thomas, and she moved on and got herself a nice spot out here.
No, you're right, though.
I was in London, and the afternoon show was tough.
It was just like, I felt like it started off good, and then I felt like it just, I don't know, got a little tough.
And so at the end, I just, I wasn't happy.
I was not happy with myself on the way off stage.
And it's so funny.
I do remember looking at Ari because he's always standing off stage when I get off and just shaking my head.
Like, dang.
So you're right.
You're right about that.
But I'm glad that you liked it.
I'm glad to hear that feedback.
You know, that's my brain.
You know, I have the brain that doesn't let me, it always finds something to not be, you know, it chooses not to be proud of me.
Instead, it chooses to give me these other options first.
But I'm also a perfectionist.
I want it to be great.
You know, I appreciate everybody who came out even though I canceled on you guys or adjusted.
Chris D'Elia cancels, bro, and that's...
Weather?
Remember when he canceled because of weather, dude?
Wind, bro?
wind?
Dude, wind is nuts.
But that being said, yeah, that was a tough one that afternoon.
I think it's just the afternoon, dude.
Nobody wants...
It's hard to pretend like 3.45 in the afternoon is 8.30 at night.
And that show, I even did more material than usual and just tried to give you guys all I had.
But that venue was hectic.
They weren't allowing me to do meet and greets there.
So that was a tough thing.
What was the issue?
Oh, two of the shows we couldn't because of the time.
And so, I don't know, I guess I felt like it would have been unfair.
But London was cool, man.
I had a friend, one of my friends, Kevin, came and visited me over in London.
Just friends.
Nothing wild or nothing like that.
Not that there's anything wrong with being wild.
If you're a gay man, that's great, dude.
Good for you.
You know, you did it.
You know, because anyway, a lot of these bitches are driving a lot of us crazy.
So I'm glad you got, you know, you found something you like.
And look, it gets scary.
Sometimes you wonder, you go to another continent, are you going to be a gay man there?
Because I don't know the exchange rate on sexuality.
Who does?
You know, you could fucking, you could fly to Nigeria and, you know, you wake up, you a damn, you know, you a 5-3 redhead in a gangbang.
It just, you don't, we don't know sometimes how it's going to shape out.
But, but I would be shocked if I was gay, man.
I would be, I would be extremely surprised, bro.
If I was gay, bro, I would be like, are you sure?
Because I would just, it would really, I would be extremely surprised.
But that's so perceptive of you, especially after you was on them 15 milli hitters, you and your man out there.
And I hope y'all was touching each other's bodies a little.
Because one thing I miss about getting high is just touching my body or touching somebody else's body, female body, tit.
God, bro.
Makes you feel excited, huh?
But yeah, that was a show I had a tough time with that one.
And there was one other one.
Was it in Oslo?
Oslo, I felt like was kind of tough.
But we'll get there.
We're still making our way.
We're making our way across.
But yeah, London was the other one.
London is just, yeah, you go out at night.
It's very posh.
And that means fancy.
You know, you'll see a guy, some guy dressed up like Ichabod Crane.
And then you'll see somebody else fucking, you know, dressed up like JC Penny or somebody.
You know, just it's really, you know, like Donny Nordstrom or something.
Or fucking Sandra Marshalls.
They got everybody's just fancy.
You'll see a dude wearing a damn train track or something.
You'll see a guy wearing, he's got a jacket made out of fucking worms.
You know, 14 karat gold actual worms.
You're like, dang, what's going on?
You know, I'll go fishing with that jacket.
I'll catch a big, I'll catch Moby Dick on a 6,000-pound test line, bro.
I'm going in.
I'm going in.
What else happened in London?
That's it.
That's it that I really remember.
You know, it does, you also start to remember where time started and everything and where, you know, or basically where white time started.
Like, you know, you're in the UK and you see people from, you know, Ireland and you're like, oh, okay, the name Megan.
You know, you hear the name, somebody's like, oh, this is Megan.
You're like, oh, I know.
Now I see where Megan started, where the name came from.
Or you'll hear, you know, Cara.
You're like, oh, okay, Cara.
We say Cara, but I see this is where, or maybe that's just the accent.
I don't know.
But there were things you're like, oh, okay, I see how this, we're doing this in America, but it started here.
You know, it's just like going to your grandparents' house and seeing the pictures on the wall.
You're like, oh, okay, that's where I came from.
Oh, yeah, I remember Uncle Ronnie.
Yeah, yeah, I remember him.
Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah.
He had two wooden arms, bro.
And he used to fucking play the drums, dude.
Of course he did.
But you're like, yeah, yeah, I remember.
And everything is like an artifact.
Everything is historical.
And they got beef, dude.
United Kingdom, it should be like, United.
Because they got, they beefing, man.
Britain's Brexiting.
The other, Scotland is divvied up.
They got North Scotland or North Ireland.
Somebody got fucked.
They're trying to get their own shit.
The Scottish.
You know.
Ireland, they're partying, bro.
Dude, Ireland, man, those people are some happy people.
They're some happy people, man.
And the band played on, brother, and we moved on.
And I didn't know what to talk to people about over there.
So, you know me, I'm talking about shit, the only things I know.
Revolutionary War, Titanic.
So that was the toughest part about being in the United Kingdom was just some of the conversation.
And Charles Dickens, or Chuck Dick, a lot of people called him when I was growing up.
And Chuck Dick was also a pediophile about two towns over, over from Slot L, Louisiana.
And I never met him, but I heard about him, bruh.
One of the more popular pediophiles when I was young.
But all right, let's move on.
We got into some other places and some other music.
And the next place we went to was Scotland, Glasgow.
Let's go.
And that is some Scottish music right there by a band, Trabant 33. Trabant 33 with that hit right there.
Okay, you get to Glasgow and it's a lot of hills and it's raining and it's about 55 degrees Fahrenheit and it's raining.
Even when it's not raining, if it's not raining a lot, people call that sunshine.
Like it would just be raining a little and people are like, oh man, it's beautiful.
We're having a wedding today.
I'm like, what?
You're having a wedding out here?
You're going to have a half inch of rain.
You're going to have a half inch of rain at the nuptials, brother.
God, man, it's beautiful.
And the accent got, if in Britain it was like, and then in Ireland it was like, and then you got to Glasgow and people wasn't even one guy just talked in all just L's and K's, But...
*Pewds singing*
Like, what, bro?
You're the mayor?
But the people of Glasgow, man, right when you look in their eyes, they're beautiful.
They're good people, man.
They're good people.
And they have cigarettes even for breakfast.
You see a six-year-old over there banging out a, you know, a Dorel.
You know, you'll fucking, you'll slip, you know, you'll reach up the sleeve of a nine-year-old girl and she'll have two Winstons in there and a thing of cinnamon gum.
Like, damn, all right.
They staying warm out here.
And in Glasgow, a lot of the men, if you were out and about at night, the men get real close.
You think all the men are gay, but it's just because they're friendly.
You see nine dudes hugging each other around the neck and you're like, dang, everybody loves men here.
You know, the women, they never going to have any, you know, little chickadees because the men are just, you know, just loving each other.
But it's just friendship.
It is just friendship.
But you can't tell because they're just such mates.
They call it mates.
And checkmate, that's when you're either playing chess or you actually are fully on, you know, you full on homosexual.
And that's beautiful, man.
Everything's great about that.
If you're homosexual, bruh, then you did it.
You know?
So that's great.
But yeah, the Scottish man, it was great.
We went out in Glasgow.
I put a video of it on my Instagram.
And it was just electric.
It was electric.
And then hung out in Glasgow for two days.
And yeah, just kind of dreary, rainy.
Stayed at a nice place there, though.
It was a nicest hotel we stayed in.
And the people of Glasgow, man, just walking up and downhill, just, you know, just getting it done.
Eating haggis and I think that's basically the, I don't want to say it's, I think haggis is like the stomach or em, it's like the damn, whatever connects your stomach to your nuts, bro.
And it's Scottish.
And they eat it.
So no wonder they drink.
I'd drink too if I ate that.
If I had a fucking half, you know, if I had two panfuls of somebody else's nuts, I'm having a Mika Lob light, bro.
No doubt about it.
And yeah, I heard they had a lot of cocaine in Scotland.
I didn't have any.
But that was like a popular export that I heard about.
Trying to think of specific, I mean, that was just it.
That was the UK.
It was a lot of, I mean, it was just great.
It was just a lot of go, go, go.
People think, oh, did you travel?
Did you get on a camel?
Did you do anything?
Man, I didn't.
By the time you get off stage at night, there's no places open to eat.
You got to find a spot to eat.
And next thing you know, it's 1 a.m.
And you got to get up early and cruise.
And so that was just the vibe.
It was a lot of go, go, go.
But thank you guys so much over there for coming out in the UK.
And, man, I'll say this.
Everybody, oh, this dude, Ginger Monkey came out.
The biggest dude I ever seen.
And his buddies have him, he could eat a banana without even using his hands.
He could peel it right out of there with his teeth and everything.
And his buddies kept having him do it.
The dude probably had fucking nine bananas after the show.
And I was like, yeah, put him in the zoo, bro.
Do whatever you got to do.
I think the guy could be homoerotic.
You know, this guy could be the mayor of West Hollywood in probably 45 minutes.
All he needed is one good YouTube video.
But that was that, man.
Yeah, a lot of for the breakfast, they had a lot of like meats.
Like somebody give you a cut, you know, nine little cuts of beef for breakfast.
Like, what in the hell?
You know, every meal seemed like you were in the military.
Like a little pot of beans and a little some hard piece of bread.
You're like, what is this?
Like, like, oh, it's, it's, oh, it's the UK, mate.
And that was more in Britain, but but the people were great, man, across the board over there.
And I love you guys.
And thank you so much for coming out and just making me feel welcome even after I couldn't make it in the first time in September.
Yeah.
And here, let's take a call.
We'll take a call that came in and we'll get to some other things.
But yeah, you were right about that, young lady.
I was.
I was shaking my head after that show.
And for some reason, the afternoon was tough.
I never did a show in there.
I never did it evening, that evening, or the afternoon deal.
I never did it.
And now I did it.
So let's take this hitter right here, gang.
Dude, this is Kyle from Texas.
I was just calling because I knew you were going to be in Europe this week.
And I just wanted to see if you tried those cheddar and onion chips in Dublin.
Me and my wife, one time we got to go there, and the bartender suggested these things, and they are so good, man.
I don't even remember who makes them.
But cheddar and onion potato chips, Theo, you got to try them, dude.
And if you do, tell me what you thought about them, man.
I love you.
Gang, gang.
Gang, brother.
Yeah, thank you for calling.
I just got the message today from you, but I don't know if I had the chips or not.
I don't remember what I had.
I had some eggs, I remember, and they got some birds over there.
They're taking eggs off of old school birds, out of an ostrich, out of a damn stork.
You're like, shit.
You know, they got eggs out the Bible over there.
They got old school food over there.
And they give you a little pot of beans with everything.
Oh, you can't read?
Here's a pot of beans.
Oh, your cousin lost his limb out there in a fire?
Here's a pot of beans for you.
Oh, you never seen breaking bad?
Here's a pot of beans, man.
What do you mean?
Yeah, the British, it's like everybody's keeping a secret, but nobody will tell you.
It's almost like you're at a funeral, but nobody will tell you who died.
That's the vibe I got.
Like this kind of sullen, sort of like everybody was playing a game of clue, but no one ever even opened the board, the box.
So you're like, who's Colonel Mustard?
It's just, I don't know.
But, you know, I think everything's cool between us and them.
I think overall everything's cool.
Nobody, nobody, one girl at a bar got offended that we were from America.
And I don't know what she was upset about, but this, honestly, bro, if she got upset because we're from America, she was upset before that.
Her parents were probably both upset whenever they were making love to make her.
So, gang, man.
And then the next place we went to was Amsterdam.
And before I tell you about it, I have to tell you that I have been taking care of my crotch.
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So
And that is a hit from Amsterdam High Six is the name of that band.
H-Y-S-I-C-S.
With that regional hit called Made in Amsterdam.
And that's a strong...
You could feel the undertones and the different overtones as well.
Amsterdam, the Dutch, baby.
The Dutch.
By far some of the most aerodynamic people you'll ever see.
I mean, the Dutch are downhill.
They're downhill individuals.
They will.
They are in motion.
IMD, baby, the in-motion Dutch.
You don't see a lot of still Dutch.
Name 70 still Dutch.
Nobody can, brother, okay?
They're in motion.
Doesn't matter.
They're on a tram.
They're on roller skates.
They're sewing a magic carpet and riding on it at the same time.
The Dutch are doing things.
If you don't have any missiles, fill your freaking Dutch buddy's mouth up with gunpowder and send him on his way, bruh.
He'll get the job done.
They are movers.
Tell someone in Amsterdam to keep a secret, no problem.
They will never stop long enough to even share what you told them.
I mean, everywhere you go in Amsterdam, they're just on a train, on a bike, on a boat, on a bird, on a rumor, on a breeze.
It's just the Dutch are coming and going.
I saw a dude pass By on a Falcon, putting on skis and worried he was going to be late for a regional avalanche.
They are on the move.
Where are you going, brother?
Oh, there's a ship.
You know, there's a unicycle.
There's a bicycle.
Doxycycline.
Rocky Johnson.
I'm catching him.
He's headed to heaven.
Yeah, got to catch the five-train, man, to a canoe, to a Uber pool that actually drains into a real pool.
And it's a whirlpool.
And then I'm meeting Jorin Vander Salute.
And hopefully, the Bermuda Triangle will still be open because we got to be there.
I can't believe they let people get high there.
There's way too many moving parts.
It's almost like trying to smoke a blunt in the middle of a game of Tetris on difficult.
I mean, I can't being high there just everywhere.
It'd be like being high in a conveyor belt factory.
Bruh.
Nah, fam.
Nah.
Maybe, you know, catch me.
I'll be in the hammock area.
But Amsterdam, they, the Dutch, man, I'm telling you, they're aerodynamic for a reason because they're on the move.
And look, if you see a Dutch person, this is how you see them.
That's a Dutch.
Oh, what's oh, what's that?
Oh, that's a Dutch.
Oh, dang.
Man, what was this?
Oh, a Dutch?
Wheeosh.
Cuckoo.
What was that?
Oh, dang.
Oh, ah, oh.
What's that?
Oh, is that hail?
Nah, that's a batch of Dutch, son.
The Dutch are coming and going.
They're in motion.
Whoa.
Somebody just pulled the floor out from under me.
Nah, that's a shift, son.
That's plate tectonic Dutch.
Beautiful city, beautiful people, but you got to be ready to move.
To move.
Everything's in, you know, even the cows there, they running, bro.
They're not grazing.
You'll see a cow jump over the moon.
Dude, and do it a couple times that day.
Everything there.
On the go.
You get a steak at night.
There's no meat on it.
This cow, damn.
Who's this?
Cyril Lewis?
This thing ran right out of his own meat.
And the steak be like a damn nogged, bruh.
Like a beef nogged.
You could throw it up in the air.
And that's nothing, bruh.
You know, you got a mouth full of amster steak.
Stay Dutch, baby.
Stay Dutch.
All right, let's take another call that came into the hotline.
What's up, Theo?
Quick question for you.
What are your thoughts on the candle that Gwyneth Paltrow brought out that supposedly smells like her Vegin?
Oh.
Yeah, look, here's the thing.
If we can sell the candle, then at a certain point, I think you're going to have to legalize prostitution.
Because here's the thing.
You put that in your window.
Some guy stops by.
You know, some guy climbs in your window with an erection.
Yeah, he's not in the right, but, you know, we're creatures.
And we have senses.
You know, we have up to five senses.
And you can't, you know, you can't say you selling whale meat and I get there and they ain't got no fucking blubber in the cupboard.
You feel me?
If you put two titties on the sign and I show up for, let me think, some titty, you can't get all pissed.
So that's the thing.
You throw a couple of vajandals out there and somebody shows up wanting a little bit of serving of, you know, cooter cat.
You can't, don't be shocked.
You know.
Don't be shocked if an OBGYN shows up at your door with some, you know, tongs or whatever.
I don't know what they even use.
Probably not.
I mean, something.
Just don't be shocked.
You know, you got a vagandle or you light a vagantern in your yard.
Don't be shocked when a couple of Dobermans in heat show up.
You know, or a couple of, you know, maybe a local soccer team.
They're running, doing laps around the block, and they beeline over and bring a couple of freaking, everybody's got their own goalpost, you know what I'm saying?
You know, what's next?
They're going to have probably vagina mite.
People aren't sure, you know, somebody lights that and throws it somewhere.
And everybody thinks that some local lady ruined everything.
You know, and then next thing is the vagisils, bruh.
You know, the militaris, they shooting vagisils over there into the Middle East.
And them things land.
And they already hate women, but now their noses are going to make them think they have reason to.
You know, they're, you know, the vagescence that's going To be left in the air is going to tell them that they are justified.
And that's enough V words, I think.
But yeah, I don't know.
When does it stop?
I think Gwyneth didn't think this through.
But thank you for the call, brother.
I appreciate that.
All right, let me tell you one more thing that I need to tell you right now, and that is about skill share.
It's the time of year where you need to look real hard into the mirror.
Are you happy with where you are?
I don't know if I am.
I don't think I am.
Did you make the right choices with your life?
Are you the person you want to be?
I mean, dang, these are some real hard questions.
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And thank you for supporting this past weekend.
Thank you guys all for your support.
It's just nice.
I'm a lucky man.
And just that's one thing I noticed after the shows going over there in Europe was just the same people that come out to the shows, the value of just loving, good people that were podcast listeners.
You know, the stand-up's a different thing.
Stand-up is my job.
I mean, but, you know, podcasting has become of universe for me.
It's become for us.
You know, it's just the amount of people that I meet that are just so supportive of me.
Man, thank you.
You know, it means a lot to have somebody care.
It means a lot.
And just the fact that, you know, that my higher power has given me people that care on such a level where I get to meet so many of them it really just inspires me a lot.
Um...
You know, it inspires me a lot not to give up on things when I want to.
So yeah, I just feel pretty blessed.
And I hope that you can feel that too sometimes.
And I hope to be able to do whatever I can to be a part of making your life feel good.
And most of the time it does.
A lot of times, you know, I think we're thinking too much.
And you guys remind me of that.
A lot of people saying, hey, man, you're just being too hard on yourself and this and that.
But just also, there's so many fun people, man.
We came out.
We showed out, man.
Thinking of somebody that came to one of the shows, this gentleman came to the show down there in Lafayette.
Let's take a peek.
What up, Theo?
This is your boy Jeb in Valdosta, Georgia.
I actually came and saw you.
What's up, Jeb, over there in Valdosta?
In Valdosta, I mean, that's a place that Valdosta, Georgia.
Sound like you can get a damn biscuit there that's better make you freaking buy land locally.
That's how good it is, I bet.
Gang, Omward.
Saw your show in Lafayette, and I showed you a picture of the little camper, 1964 model camper I was staying in over there, and my girlfriend wasn't having it.
Oh, yes.
I'm going to get this, and I'm going to put it in here.
Yes, dude.
Onward.
She had to stay there because we had to go see you.
And you told me to send it to you Instagram, so I figured I had to send the video.
I uploaded a video for premature Nick to get to you.
So that's a nice little video of it.
It's a cool little place where she stays in it two nights.
And I think she enjoyed it more than she said she did.
Okay, homeward.
Yeah, she enjoyed the show.
She used to always give me a fit about watching these podcasts all the time.
But funny thing is, she posted on the ride home, she posted a video or a picture saying that she had become a fan of Theo Vaughan and that she thoroughly enjoyed the show.
So she got a new fan out of that.
And she got me the coffee mug, this past weekend coffee mug for Christmas.
But hope you're having a good new year and having fun over here in Europe, brother.
Love you.
Love you too, man.
Thanks, bro.
Man, it's so nice of you, dude.
That's nice of you to come out.
Yeah, we're going to edit that video in.
I'm going to peek at it in a second.
But thank you, man.
Thank you.
And thank you for bringing Out your lady, she sounds like a nice lady, and I'm glad that you guys went somewhere and had fun.
Let's look at this picture of this joint.
Yes, bro.
If you guys are on YouTube, you can see what's going on here.
And this is a very limited style cubicle right here.
They got this that pink and white, that two-tone.
They got our picture of eyes on the back.
And the eyes are like the eyes that every kid draws when they're like in kindergarten who's not going to be a good artist.
Or like second grade.
There's always kids who are going to be a good artist, and they draw like a damn, you know, moaning Lisa.
And then the rest of us draw a damn fucking shotgun Sally out there with two eyes and it's all it's all we could do in the eyebrows and then we kind of give up a little bit and the nose and mouth look bad.
But yeah, this man, look at this picture's right here.
Let's see.
Oh, there we are right there with Dustin the Diamond Poirier right there.
Man, what a great night that was.
Man, we raised some money for Good Fight Foundation.
And we did all that together, man.
That was cool.
You know, and it was part of me sometimes even when I'm doing the fundraising that doesn't want to be sharing.
That doesn't want to be caring, man.
You know, that wants to be, that just, I don't know.
That's the dark arts, bro.
But then I see this picture, man.
It makes me feel good.
Look at you and your girl smiling, beautiful lady.
Both of y'all looking fucking fine as fuck, really, bro.
Oh, damn, there's me right there.
Kissing your lady on the cheek.
Oh, hold on.
We got...
This is camper guy.
He's sent it in.
What's up, Nick?
Here are the pictures and videos.
A 1964 camper.
I didn't have a pic of the tarp on top in the Airbnb listing.
Damn, Airbnb.
And here's a pic of Theo kissing my lady and staring me in the eye, bro.
You know what I'm saying?
That's how we do it, boy.
The chickens weren't in the listing either, but they were a nice addition.
The dude that owned it also had Cocktail Hour every night.
Bet he did.
And played his homemade accordion on the front porch.
And Nick said we have a video of that here.
Let's see that action, Jackson.
Oh, okay.
Here's the cottage right here.
We're going from the Maryland Monroe unit.
Oh, hell yeah.
She is.
Oh, they got indoors and outdoors, huh?
Oh, that's beautiful.
Oh, the tires are flat.
Yeah, you ain't going to roll anywhere, dude.
The Dutch would hate it.
The Dutch would hate it.
Let's see if we got the music.
here's a hit of the music that the man did.
*music*
Dude, this might have to be one of the best Airbnb listings ever.
And that's that Akadi N. That's that bootleg Zotaco.
That's that cement Zotico right there.
Because it's got a little bit of Spanish moss in the pipes, but he's also, it sounds a little bit urban right there, bro.
One more hit of that.
Wow, that has a very Scottish vibe, too, man.
The Scottish are basically like Louisiana in England.
That's what it's like.
Just a lot of good people, man.
And the Irish, everybody's good, but I'm just saying, you get over to Scotland, you have somebody who'll have a cigarette for breakfast, bruh.
You know, what'd you have for breakfast?
Oh, I had nine Dorals, baby.
You know what I'm saying?
An Easter egg.
People, you know, they real religious around there.
You'll have somebody, dude, they grilling up.
They got peanut butter sandwich, but both ends, it's body of Christ, bruh.
And PB in the middle, dude.
And you never put jelly on the Lord, so back that sweetener out of there, bro.
Gang.
Let me see.
Oh, we got your lady sending a video, too.
Thank you for this.
I'm going to kill him.
I'm going to kill him.
Jeb has me all the way over here in Lafayette, Louisiana, in a goddang trailer.
Like camper.
Damn, bruh.
Yeah, she sounds real pleased, brother.
I will say that.
If you guys get a chance to check out the YouTube, you got to see this place.
That Maryland Monroe Airbnb listing there out there.
Very rare.
Very rare in Lafayette.
Let's get into the last places we went on the tour.
And the next place we went to was Oslo, Norway.
Oslo, Norway.
And that's that banger right there called National Anthem Warx.
W-O-R-X.
And in Norway, it was bright outside for maybe 50 minutes a day.
Norway and Sweden.
There was literally, you could be eating cereal at breakfast, and if you took a long time to eat it, it was bedtime.
I think people went to work for maybe 40 minutes.
It was just, if you like to, there's not a lot.
It's a good place if you like to read.
If you want to read, go to Norway.
Great place to just.
You haven't read something?
You need to catch up on maybe, I don't know, 600 books?
Maybe you didn't do the, you know, 5th through 11th grade?
Norway.
You got time to read.
It's easier to read in Norway.
If you can't even read, go to Norway because you Can it is oh, it's just a good place to read, and a lot of like Viking type of people, too.
You see a lot of men with long hair, beautiful women.
Um, Amsterdam had beautiful women, um, but yeah, you see like a lot of a lot of people, you know, English is definitely more secondary language there.
So you have, they use a lot of F's and J's in their words.
Like, dude, I was in a conversation.
I didn't know what, I couldn't tell if I was friends with somebody or if I just like bought car insurance.
I had no idea what was going on.
I had no idea what was going on.
Dude, sometimes it would be like, I didn't, I thought, you know, you thought you just met somebody and next thing you know, they, you know, they give you $40 or something, and they take your necklace off your neck.
You're like, what?
What just happened here?
There were just some of the exchanges, you didn't know what was going on.
And dude, you could hurt your neck saying a word.
One guy, he got stuck saying something.
He was like, and I had to fucking pat him on the back real hard.
And two boiled eggs fucking came out of his mouth, bruh.
It just is a lot of, dude, you throw your back out finishing a long sentence, dude.
They got, and everybody in Norway has a backpack on.
They got these people.
I don't know what's going on.
I mean, I guess they just, you never know when you might end up on a mountain.
You never know.
They got a backpack.
They got ice pick, fresh water, salt water, cold water.
They got all kinds of water.
New water, old water, water water.
They got Water's daughter, dude, just wet bitch rolling by.
Like, dang, this lady.
I don't even know what's going on, dude.
And they had also in a lot of these countries, they got the same type of dude I grew up with, Daniel, bruh.
You'll see him in different countries.
He's got on a Dutch hat over there.
And he's got a windmill over there, and he's using it to just, you know, to help him fucking get harder hits off of a vape.
You know, you'll see him over there in Amsterdam.
And they call him Amster Daniel, bruh.
And he's out there throwing mushroom, dude, giving mushrooms to, you know, to just throwing them into the mouths of the passing Dutch.
You know, and he's training goldfish, dude, with a small wand.
So it just, you know, the Dark Arts tour brought out the Dark Arts themselves.
And the last place we ended up in was Stockholm.
Stockum.
And, oh, I had reindeer.
I had reindeer.
Dude, what you having for dinner?
Prancer?
Dude, let me get a couple of them freaking prancer medallions, bruh.
You know?
Throw me 40 kilograms of Cupid over there.
And, you know, throw it in a soup.
We'll do a bullya base, boy.
Damn, you throw fucking two jingle bells in this flank steak, son.
And we doing it.
And that's brave as hell, Stockholm.
Y'all eating rain deer.
What?
What else y'all having over there?
Hey, let me get a couple of them.
Yeah, Care Bears.
Yeah, let me get a couple of them.
Oh, Mother Goose?
Yeah, I'll take two of her eggs for breakfast.
Yeah, let me get that.
Let me get a little bit of Care Bear jerky.
Oh, yeah, I'll take some.
Let me get seven pounds of it.
You know how many Care Bears have to take a Perma L so you can have seven pounds of CBJ, bruh?
But they had reindeer, and I ordered it.
And you get a small leg, that's the saddest part.
You get a leg that's about a foot long.
You're like, damn, this thing.
I mean, they killed it a little early, bro.
You could have at least let the thing metastasize or whatever.
You know, you could at least let it heighten out.
At least let it play JV.
I mean, this thing, they took its life early.
The whole leg, you can see right from hoof to butt.
Probably about 11 inches.
Like, dang.
This little reindeer, this thing hadn't even played.
This thing hadn't worked for Santa.
This thing hadn't even worked for Delta, probably.
You know, this thing was in the prelimbs.
If anything, this thing was probably helping out a local crop duster.
I mean, this was a small RD, bruh.
And it came and look.
I hate to say it, but I had it.
And reindeer, look at me, man.
Look at me over here, too.
And back over here.
It's good.
It's good.
If you don't think reindeer is good, then you shouldn't think.
Reindeer is good.
It tastes like beef went to college, bro.
That's what it tastes like.
It's a very organized meat.
Of course it is, dude.
You know, it's built to shuffle gifts across the universe.
So you can't come into that all haphazardly.
You know, Wag U ain't got shit on this little fucking, you know, on one of the Lord's, you know, seven favorite gift horses.
So I don't know what it was, you know.
I don't know if you want a couple, you know, you want a couple of prancer medallions or you want to, you know, you want the burn-ins of Blitzen, whatever you want, they got it.
So the Swedes, man.
Oh, it's I can't believe y'all are doing it, but that is the darkest of arts.
When you take something out of a children's, you know, what's next?
What else is on the menu?
Clifford the Big Red Dog Nuggets?
What else is on the menu, Sweden?
Peppa the Pig Pate?
Huh?
What else y'all serving, huh?
Just a kielbasa of children's dreams?
And that's Sweden, man.
And that's Sweden.
And that show in Stockholm was, that was fire.
That was fire.
And look, some of it, look, you know, everything was great, man.
I'm not trying to sound ungrateful.
They were all great.
I'm just trying to be honest with you about how I feel about the show, about how I feel.
But, you know, my brain, I have that terminal thing that always wants to kick me in the D. You know, my brain, my ego puts on big boots every morning just to kick me right in the freaking D, bro.
Gang, man, let's take another call here.
Here we go.
My name's Thomas.
I just wanted to say I listen to that plumber.
Oh, Thomas, man.
Yeah, yeah.
Don't worry, man.
I used to know somebody named Thomas, dude.
Hell, I used to know probably six people named Thomas, man.
So that's awesome, man.
More podcast again, and I thought about how interesting it was.
They're trying to get a perspective, you know, not from a big name person, but from the everyday man.
I just thought it would be kind of interesting.
I'm kind of biased, but I'm a firefighter paramedic, and I just thought it'd be cool if you had...
My friend is a paraplegic.
And he, what else does he do?
He does a lot of different shit, but sorry, Onward.
Got any buddies that were like maybe like doctors or nurses or firemen, EMTs or something?
Oh, yeah, we're going to get some different people in, man.
I appreciate that suggestion, man.
Maybe get one of them guys on the show because I know I've got some pretty interesting stories and I love hearing other people's stories.
I think, you know, like a first responder type of dude or even like a subway sandwich artist would be kind of interesting.
Oh, I love that idea.
That subway sandwich artist, bro, because most of those shops get a B, that food B. Yeah, first responder.
What about that last responder?
That's what I'm talking about, Dad.
I'm talking about that guy that shows up about 30 minutes late to a cardiac arrest, you know?
And he's over there huffing down to Winston, bro, and complaining about his stepmother.
Like, damn, bro.
That's what I'm talking about that last responder.
I'm talking about Le Cedric, you know what I'm saying?
Who shows up over there two hours late, you know, and he fucking, and he forgot his work shirt.
So he's dressed just in personal clothing, you know.
He's dressed just in a Cincinnati Bengals jersey, and he's trying to do CPR on you.
You're like, dang, man, look, I've been fine.
I healed up.
I healed up 45 minutes ago.
You know, that's what I'm talking about.
I'm talking about old Deborah, you know, who's a little much on the outside of the age range to be a first responder.
You know, when she gets caught up over there, she forgets to keep the walkie-talkie volume up because it hurts her.
It makes her shingles flare up.
So she shows up, you know, maybe 45 or 60 minutes late to a house fire.
And she's over there trying to tell you, you know, tell y'all y'all shouldn't be smoking cigarettes.
You know, like, what are you talking about?
This was from a space heater.
Seven people died.
And she's like, all right, you know, well, I'm going to read my reader's digest over there by the truck.
You know what I'm saying?
I'm talking about these last responders.
That's what I'm talking about.
Where are they at?
The real people, bruh.
I'm talking about the bootleg ambulance dude who shows up because he keeps that scanner and he rolls up.
You know, hey, for $40, bro, I'll get you to the, you feel me?
For $40, I'll get you to urgent care, bruh.
You know?
You could bring two people with you.
That's a $5 upcharge right there.
Gang.
So that's what I'm talking about.
That's what I'm talking about, you know.
I'm talking about Big Willie.
I'm talking about Big Willie in the church van.
He's like, well, I'll take you over there, man.
God wants you well, brother.
I'll take you over there.
You know?
Hell, we'll stop at my cousin's house.
You know, make a Merlaton casserole.
Grill up a pumpkin.
You ever had a hamburger stuffed pumpkins?
Like, what, son?
What are you talking about?
Dude, I broke both of my legs.
I just fell off a building.
He's like, oh, well, this is free, man.
This is free.
You know, I'm working with the church.
So I'm talking about these last responders.
That's who I want to know about.
That's who I want to know about.
What else we got, man?
Everything came in cool.
I'll see you guys this weekend.
I'm going to be in Denver, Colorado.
I think that sold out.
We got Las Vegas coming up January 31st and February 1st.
That's in Las Vegas, yeah.
Gold Country Casino, Oroville Casino, February 15th.
And then the Queen Elizabeth Theater in Toronto for February 20th.
That's kind of what's going on right now.
Oh, I think we got through.
That's Europe.
I mean, there's so much more to it, but we did it.
And I just, and I tried, man, we tried our best, man.
We got out there.
I was taking cold showers before the shows just to make sure my energy was up.
You know, and we did it.
We got through it.
You know, we got through it and just, yeah, getting to meet.
People were so nice.
People, you know, brought out some gifts.
Somebody brought me a little pair of shoes for a child.
Somebody got me a couple things of candy, art.
My boy McCloskey, dude, one of the best and worst artists in Ireland, Hit me up with that home stretch piece.
I got this from Trinity College.
I got this adult fitness band that I have on my head.
And this is for kind of snow fitness and that kind of thing.
And yeah, I would come back.
I would come back in a heartbeat.
And just the vibe that everybody had of like, hey, thank you for coming here, man.
It was cool.
You know, I'm just grateful, man.
And I tried my best to make the stories fun and just to be a part of y'all's lives.
And thank you very much for welcoming me over there.
All right.
Let's get out of here today, man.
You guys be good to yourselves.
We'll be back this week.
We got Bobby Lee coming in.
We got some other great guests coming up.
Really excited about it.
It's going to be a big year.
King of the Sting is back this week.
And everything's okay.
You know, and thank you guys for making me feel okay.
And don't give up on yourselves.
You know, we got this.
We'll be okay.
You know, everything's going to be cool.
And I love you.
You know, and I do love you.
And thanks for staying in shitty Airbnbs, or not shitty ones, but just unique Airbnbs to come out and be a part of my dream and to be part of stuff that this past weekend is a part of.
It means a lot.
And that's it, man.
Be good to yourselves.
You deserve it.
And good to be back in America.
You know, people want to curse.
A lot of people want to curse America right now and stuff because of different things.
To me, that is crazy, man.
You know, it just, I don't know how some people, I don't know, it just doesn't help us.
I don't know.
I don't want to say some people, but it doesn't help us to live somewhere and to be ungrateful for it.
You know, the news wants us to be so angry, man.
But our hearts don't.
I believe that, man.
Our hearts do not.
All right, you guys, be good to yourselves, man.
We'll head out of here on some of that old Scottish town gang.
Mmm.
you you Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
The answer may shock you.
Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
Sometimes I won't.
And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
You have three new voice messages.
A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else.
So great.
Hi, Suiya.
Easy to you.
Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.
Jamain.
I'll take a quarter potter with cheese and a McFlurry.
Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.
Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
Second rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on YouTube, yeah?
