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You know, I always have felt like life was happening at me or to me.
And the other day somebody said, hey, you know, life is happening for you.
And it really gave me a softer, just put me at ease.
Like somebody just hit a quilt just under my skin suddenly, you know, just like somebody just wrapped like a million gooses just around my neck or something.
It just made me feel more comfortable hearing that.
That life isn't happening to me.
It's happening for me.
Because I always had this pressure that I'm just standing in the wind.
And I don't even, and nobody else can even feel the wind, but me, man, I'm like, it's windy.
I'm always just standing in the wind, but there really is no wind.
It's just me thinking that life is happening to me.
But life is happening for me, man.
We got this.
Let's get this.
Happy Novambra.
Novembre.
November.
A couple different ways to say it.
A few variations for you.
Let me take you right here on this little hit.
Let me take you right here.
Let me take you right here.
Let's have some fun while we all die.
Oh, yeah, right there.
And you know, I'm not a DJ because I cut the song off real hard like that.
I cut that song.
You know, a DJ really kind of fades.
Like, this is what a DJ would have done right there.
A DJ would have done this.
Just kind of faded it out.
That's not even that good.
Jesus.
What's up?
I could have never been a DJ.
Dude, we had a guy when I was young, this dude named John.
DJ John, that was his name.
Or DJ Ice Cold or something.
Or cold boy or something.
Or, you know, or DJ Freezing or something.
I don't know what it was.
It was just something.
It was around the time when ice was like the cool term.
Like ice cube was a rapper, ice tea.
Basically, people, a lot of rappers were named out of things out of the refrigerator, kind of.
And they had a guy named John in our town, and he was the only dude that had, he got like the first CD changer.
And he would do all of the, he did funerals, he did weddings, he did school dances, everything.
This guy was the music man.
And he had an old, it was like, he had a horse trailer.
You know, a lot of time you see a horse trailer on the interstate when somebody's moving a horse somewhere or stealing a horse.
A lot of times it's stealing.
And kids always wave at the horse like it's not being stolen or something.
And he had a horse trailer and he would put his stuff in the back of it.
And he would show up, dude.
And he had some speakers.
I mean, one of the speakers had probably about 15 feet tall, bro.
I mean, that thing, if you just set something on top of it, nobody could ever see it.
And that's really how much height was on that sound piece.
And he was the man, DJ Ice.
I think it was Ice Boy or something.
I don't know.
He had the shittiest name, but in a small town, first person to get a speaker is suddenly the DJ.
First person to get that six-disc shuffler, suddenly you got a business.
And a lot of times it's just the first person to get there really is the one to get it started.
You know, you really become that.
He was really the Christopher Columbus of sound in our town.
I mean, he'd show up.
Things that were real normal before, suddenly he'd show up.
You know, you'd be at a funeral and suddenly you'd hear some fucking pour some sugar on me.
Or you'd hear informer.
I love that, man.
Dude, this was the time of year.
They had a dance when I was growing up called Sadie Hawking.
And I don't know who Sadie Hawkin, I think was someone who had, I guess it was someone who had a twin or something and the twin died or went missing or was hiding.
And the dance was the woman at school had to ask the man.
The girls at school had to ask the boy.
And the girls had to ask the boy.
And then you had to get a shirt for the person and wear the same shirt.
And it was called Sadie Hawking.
And you were twins.
At that point, you were twins.
And that's how it kind of tied back into the, you know, missing person or whatever.
But dude, I remember Sadie Hawkins, bro.
And the first Day you'd go to school, and like it was like usually about three weeks before people would start asking people.
And you'd start seeing a girl across the way and be like, Oh, she might ask me.
And then you would hear that she's going with somebody.
You're like, Fuck, okay, you know, you know, Allison isn't asking me, so maybe Katie, maybe Katie will ask me, you know, and you would wait, and then you would hear, oh, Katie's going with Ricky.
Like, oh, shit.
I thought they were siblings, but whatever.
And then you'd wait a little longer.
You'd be like, oh, yeah, maybe Tiffany, you know?
Maybe thick Tiffany with them fucking big, you know, with them big knees, bruh.
We had a girl named Tiffany had the biggest fucking knees you ever seen, bruh.
Just like somebody hit a basketball in each one of her damn legs right in the middle.
And, dude, I remember thinking she was going to ask me one time and she didn't ask me.
And then I'm like, Jesus Christ, dude.
I'm going to have to go with, I'm going to have to dance with one of the chaperones.
And so it just got, you know, shit got real minimal.
And then just a friend asked me.
That's who I always ended up.
I was always the guy that ended up going to the dance with a friend.
You know, some girl.
You know, all like, I had a buddy and he was real handsome.
And so he got all the, you know, when you were a kid, it wasn't really, people weren't really touching each other's crotches or, you know, doing anything.
There wasn't really like a lot of sex, but it was just sweating.
You'd just get around someone you really liked and you just fucking just sweat by them.
That's how, you know, because you were so nervous.
You know, you would just get around.
I remember this girl, Kitty, man, and I'd get around her and I would just fucking, I couldn't even talk.
I just fucking loved her so much.
And I just wanted a damn, I wanted to marry her so bad, bruh.
Even though I was just like fucking 11 or something or 10. Not even 11, man.
And I just wanted to marry her so bad.
And I fucking, all I would do is just stand by her and just fucking sweat and just look like a freak, bruh.
But that's how you express love at that age.
You know, I'd sit there like a damn waterfall.
You know, I'd sit there like a just like the back of a fucking dying whale, bro.
Just still pretty damp, you know, just glistening, just, oh, just nervous.
But when Sadie Hawking came, that was the time it was easier for guys because the girl had to ask you.
And then you got the matching shirt, and that was pretty cool.
That part was pretty cool when you got that matching shirt.
Because we didn't have like, you know, when I was growing up, my mom would get us a nice outfit and usually one pant and two shirts at the beginning of school.
And what I would do is sometimes I would wear the pant the first day, the second day, turn the pants inside out because the inside looks a little bit of a different color and tell people it was a different pant, a DP, you know.
And anyway, so yeah, so when you got the girl that bought you that shirt, that Sadie Hawkins shirt, I remember one time this pretty well-off girl in our town, she was well-off.
Her name was Emily.
And she was pretty and she was cute and she was my friend.
And she got me a nice fucking shirt, bro.
Damn, that thing was nice.
I remember, I don't, I remember, I put that thing on, dude.
I felt like I was like just like the mayor's son or something.
Or I felt like I was just little Faunt Leroy III or something.
I just felt like, I don't know who I felt like.
I just remember putting it on and it felt nice.
It had three or four buttons and the fabric was real strong.
And I remember putting that bitch on and just feeling like a champion.
So that was the nice thing about Sadie Hawkins.
You got that free shirt.
Now, sometimes you get a poorer girl would ask you and that bitch give you a damn tank top with a, you know, a little symbol about electricity or something or one of those city handout tank tops.
You know, it says vote for Jackson or something on the back of it or vote for, you know, Walter or some kind of shit.
But I remember that Sadie Hawkins, man, that was pretty enjoyable.
And that was just, and it was this time of year.
That's when it happened in the fall.
And it was just, man, just walking around school, just waiting for a girl to ask you.
And then it became closer and closer and closer.
You're like, damn, everybody's been asked now.
I'm like the last one.
Man, that shit, dude, being young and going through like moments like that is pretty, it really like, it's such a, it's so severe at the time.
I mean, at the time, there was nothing.
I mean, I would get to school.
I had to look clean.
I had to, you know, look nice.
I was waiting for a woman to ask me to the CD, Hawkin, I want the free shirt from a rich girl.
But more often than not, bruh, I'd end up with your girl Thick Tiff with those fucking double dribble kneecaps, bruh.
The fucking Reggie Miller of orthopedics, dude.
And she would, you know, I'd get that, you know, just that regular baby girl to ask me.
And one girl asked me to a dance one time, man.
Dude, she carried me during one of the dances.
She fucking really kind of lifted me up and carried me.
And I didn't know what to do, man.
I didn't know what to do except just get an erection, bro.
Because that's, when you're that young, dude, when you're, when you're real young, you know, when you're about 13, if you, you get anything to get you a wreck.
I saw somebody get electrocuted one time over there by the, uh, outside of the Schwagmans, and I fucking popped a boner.
I was like, what the fuck, man?
You know, like I'm, um, like I'm like I'm what that, what is that man's name?
Electric manner.
Like I'm, um, fuck, I don't know, bro.
Whatever.
But damn, yeah, dude, when you were young, now, yeah, now you just ain't no woman.
I wish they still had Sadie Hawkins for adults.
I think it would be nice.
Wouldn't it be cool to walk around town thinking somebody's going to ask you to a dance?
Ooh.
And I guess that it is still like that with dates, but I think in a small town, it would be really beautiful, you know, if you're like, okay, Sadie Hawkins is coming up in our town.
It's a fun thing that everybody still celebrates.
So we're going to, somebody gets to ask some.
So you get to, you know, everybody's waiting.
The girl's going to come.
And you're waiting.
But that was a fun time, man, those dances.
And it was always around this time of year, around fall or autumn.
Trying to think of some other memories I have from this time of year.
I really enjoyed when I was young at this time of year getting off the school bus in the afternoon because the air, it would be getting darker earlier.
And sometimes there would be like a little bit of wind and it would be kind of a little chilly.
And it would just, I don't know, there was possibility in the air.
It was almost like Mother Nature was just about to tell us a secret or something.
It just something felt the time of year, something just felt really nice about it.
You know, before it got too cold or before it got uncomfortable, just I don't know.
It's just something nice when the air is just, it feels just as alive as you are.
It's like you guys met each other 50-50.
Because in the summer, it's so hot.
The world's meeting you at like 95-5.
And the winter is the same.
You know, if you hang out outside long enough, outside will kill you.
That's crazy, dude.
In the winter, if you hang out outside long enough, outside will kill you.
Don't think Mother Nature ain't a hitman.
That's Shady Hawkins, bro, when she asks you to die.
Mother Nature asks you to die, boy, if it's too cold out.
But there was that special time of year and, you know, in November, right around, you know, Halloween, around this time, and it was just when the air would just kind of, you'd, I don't know, you'd be walking and sometimes some leaves would just blow right up in front of you.
They'd be behind you, but the wind would just pick them and move them right in front of you.
And it just felt like the world was walking with you, like there was magic in the air.
I loved that, man.
I loved that.
And one thing about living in Los Angeles, you don't get that.
There aren't any seasons here.
So it gets to be very much a groundhog day.
And you think it's nice, but at a certain point, sometimes it's not that enjoyable because it's just like, oh, it's nice again.
It's nice again.
It's nice again.
You don't remember.
It's like, yeah, it's just like it is.
You know, it's like, I mean, it's everybody says it, but it's like Groundhog's Day.
But happy November to you.
And thank you for being here and just being a part of my life today.
And I'm happy to be a part of your life today.
And I'm feeling good.
You know, I'm feeling hopeful.
And so that's where I'm at.
And I'm happy to have those feelings today.
And I feel, you know, I'm just trying to feel grateful that I'm wake up, you know, today and I'm feeling good.
And that, you know, just like, you know, I'm, well, you know, I'm tired of just feeling like the, just, you know, I want the breeze to be at my back.
And it's nice, man.
Everything is okay.
And it's going to be that way.
We got some nice calls that came in.
We're going to talk about a couple of different things.
What did I do this weekend?
Oh, I went and did some yoga.
Feeling good about that.
I got a fever.
Man, I got a fever last night at 1 a.m.
And a fever, I think a fever is kind of fun, I think.
Because it's like you get to take the NyQuil, you get to like, you get to make noises like that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night, bro, and I felt like there was sweat all under me.
And I'm like, fuck, bro.
I'm like an ocean.
I'm like, you know, like Billy Ocean or whatever, Frank Ocean or whatever that guy's name is.
Ron Ocean or something.
I don't know what his name is.
I think he's a, um, he is a musician.
I think he died, actually.
But damn, dude, I was like, fuck, I'm going to check under my arms for fucking flounders for fish.
Because with as much water as flying out of my body right now, dude, I wouldn't be surprised if somebody's sitting, you know, if one of the neighbors just, you know, baits a hook and just casts it right out into my belly button because I'm fucking damp as hell.
I wouldn't be surprised if somebody lays a couple of hot trout lines out there back behind my freaking beehole, bruh.
Back there in that fucking fern gully.
Because I'm growing some crops, bro.
I've got some real serious body hair about my ass.
So you know who I am, son.
Looks like my butthole's making a little mitten back there, a little mitten maker.
Speaking of that, actually, Manscaped.
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Olivia Aber sent this Patreon question in.
She said, hey, Theo.
I made that part up.
She didn't say that, but I hear comedians use the word hacky often.
What does that mean?
Well, hacky is if a comedian is telling a joke that you've heard other people tell a lot or the same type of premise.
A lot of times for me, when I go back and watch my own material, early material, I say, oh, that's real hacky.
That's real.
Anybody could do it.
That's my definition of it.
Oh, anybody could do that.
You know, I remember when I started out doing comedy, I said, I don't want to sell jokes.
I want to sell, you know, I don't want people to remember a joke when they leave.
I want people to remember me.
I want them to remember, oh, there was some, that guy.
I don't care if they leave and they don't remember one of the jokes.
That's not important.
I want that.
Because the jokes, anybody could do a joke.
You know, a dead animal could do a joke, dude, if you write one, you know, you write the first part of the joke on one side of his body, and then if you flip him over and write the punchline, then every fucking, you know, every highway armadillo could fucking be Chris Rock.
But what I'm saying is that I want it to be remote.
I want to be to be, oh, I want to sell myself.
I want to sell.
I want them to be like, oh, who was that?
So I think one way of trying to not be hacky is by just creating things that are true to you or follow your sensibilities.
You know, I look back on some of my jokes and sometimes I say, oh, that's kind of hacky.
I wouldn't do that anymore.
But then also you evolve.
It's really interesting how you evolve in comedy.
I mean, I remember I used to do this bit about Brad Pitt and when I met him.
Because I did meet him, dude.
The only Brad Pitt that God ever made, bro.
Met his ass.
And I remember after I did that bit thinking, man, I will never have a bit as good as that in my whole life.
My career's over.
How can I ever beat that or do as well as that?
And now years later, five years later, I can't even remember that bit.
I can't even remember it.
And to me, I have bits that are stories that are far more interesting.
But hacky to me means, oh, anybody's, I've heard that a million times.
I've heard that premise.
I've heard that joke.
An example of a hacky joke is, oh, if you see the comedian using the mic stand as a penis, as a wiener, if you see, oh, somebody say, you know, sialis, four-hour penis medicine or whatever.
And they're always like, four hours?
What am I going to do with a penis for four hours?
That's like a real popular hacky joke.
And I remember telling that.
I told that joke when I started.
Everybody, I think sometimes you just need to get your footing.
And so, and then I think there's comedians that tell hacky jokes.
I think all of us, some stuff is, sometimes all of us tell something hacky to other people.
Like, oh, everybody will think something that somebody else does is hacky.
But that's the answer there.
Grace Jensen asked, what's your plans for Thanksgiving and what is your favorite dish?
My plan is to go home to New Orleans and to Louisiana and see my family.
You know, really, I got five beautiful nieces and nephews and three siblings.
And she said, and what is your favorite dish?
You know, I like them sweet potatoes.
I like them sweet potatoes.
When I was young, they had a cat in our neighborhood this cat quagmire was his name and he was he wasn't black but he was definitely one of his parents was black at least and he man he had sharp nails he had sharp nails and i used to love one thing i like to do when i was young i like to take my shirt off you know a lot of times to show appreciation to people or to just you know a lot of times if somebody did something real cool or
something you take your shirt off and just show them your chest you know do a firework if you had it but if you didn't have a firework you just show them that fucking you just hit him with that fucking baby bird you know and quagmire was this cat and somebody had sharpened his nails in the neighborhood and i don't know who did it people say this guy did it but you know probably somebody that was an alcoholic or a lonely woman so but anyway and
i remember i sometimes i would lay down and they would put him on my back and he would fucking walk on your back dude and it was like very much like a um not like a torture chamber but man it was no what i'm it was like uh eastern medicine um what's that called where somebody that's not really a doctor but like kind of dresses like one fucking tries to sew you uh oh
jesus my brain is just full of trans fat i think um aromat no uh apothec ah you know what i'm saying it's that thing where the guy it's like playing darts but it's fucking a bunch of darts and nobody's keeping score really except i think maybe chinese people are kind of but
um um aesthetician no aromatherapy no um what is it called and they put you in a room by yourself a lot of time they turn the lights out they put all the shit inside of you exorcism um and that's what it felt like dude was exorcism and uh and damn boy that fucking cat had the sharpest
nails dude i swear and i think they put other nails in him i swear to god he he fucking hit a couple thumbtacks in his own little paws like he'd been in prison or something or like prison you know french prison because that dude he would get on my fucking back bro and god dang dude i would see the future boy and i would fucking feel it man i mean he just took my brain into warp zones when quagmire would just run up and down my back but here was the thing though
after he would do it for a while he would eat a sweet potato this cat and he would eat a sweet potato right there in front of you and i never in all my days i never seen anything like that still when you see a little beautiful little dark pussy just huffing down a petat bro one of them orange potats dog i never seen anything like that in my life still makes my fucking heart swell up god dang praise god bro but
yeah i like uh sweet potatoes um okay let's get into a couple of other questions here oh nick went to the fights nick went to the logan paul ksi fight so a lot of people don't know logan paul he's you know he's like a youtube guy and he's a he was in here he came in here and he was i thought he was really gracious young man um and he and
he the dude is very successful and he decided to box and he went into another boxing match and he fought ksi man and this is the british and y'all know look dude the british bro i'm not against them but we left there we left britain because or england we left england because it wasn't working out so
you know it's like it's like you know it's it's you know we were there we did it we did it and that's why we came over here to start a new england you know and try to revamp it and make it more dope but um anyway they fought and i want to talk with him i want to talk with uh nick because nick went to the fight producer nick and i were going to get him in and then we got some great calls about uh lsu woodmill gypsies uh stepsons
uh premature uncles and uh and methamphetamines so this past weekend is brought to you by skillshare and skillshare it's it's we all need skills think about somebody that doesn't have any skills man who what are they usually somebody that's just you know just walking around looking for something maybe somebody that's playing kickball but without a ball and
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I got some tour dates coming up.
I'm going to tell them to you right now.
They are.
I will be in Lafayette, Louisiana at the Heyman Center, and that's almost sold out.
We're going to have proceeds benefiting Dustin Poirier's Good Fight Foundation down there.
So I'm excited to do something fun in Louisiana.
And that's almost sold out over there, about 2,000 people coming in.
We got the Wiltern in Los Angeles, December 10th.
And then after that, I'll be in Manchester, Dublin, Ireland, Glasgow, London, London, London, Amsterdam, Oslo, and Norway.
There are still tickets available for London, Oslo, and Stockholm.
This week, tickets for Toronto, Oxenhill, Maryland, and New Jersey will all go on sale.
And now I'm going to do that little rendition for y'all, Miss Behaven by Baby Billy and Amy Lee.
Mama told me not to.
I did it anyway.
Miss Behaven.
Daddy said don't, but I said I'm gonna miss behaving.
Pies on the windowsill, swimming in the creek, catching crawl dads and playing with a stick.
I wore lipstick and I got caught, shaving just two little country kids outside.
Miss Behaven.
So that's a little bit of that for y'all for free right there.
All right.
What's up, Nick?
What's cracking?
Dude, you went to the fight, man, because I texted you the other day.
I said, what's going on?
You sent me that picture.
You sent me that imagery from the fight, man.
Yeah, KSI Logan Paul, the big rematch.
When you got there, what was the energy like kind of walking into the place?
Did it seem like the typical energy going into like a boxing match?
Did it feel like going to a performance?
It was dead right away.
So the main card started at six.
There are four fights on it.
And we got there right at six.
And just no one cared about the fights that were going on.
And the first one of the main card was Billy Joe Saunders, who's an undefeated boxer.
He's a legitimate pro.
He won by knockout.
He may fight Canelo next.
And just no one gives a shit in the stadium.
No one cared.
So was it almost awkward that it almost seemed like they were fighting and people were just like on their phones and like 100%.
There's so many wannabe influencers and stuff.
And then there were some that were popular.
I didn't recognize any of them.
But they'd walk down the stairs and like a rush of kids would like flood over to them as the fights were going on.
Like the fight could have ended and no one would have noticed.
Wow.
It was a scene.
Oh, dang.
And did you feel out of place as an actual kind of fight fan?
Did you feel, what was the age vibe in there?
What was some of that?
It was really mixed.
I mean, there were definitely a huge portion of young kids that you wouldn't normally see at a fight.
A lot of parents who you could tell, like, they were just dragged there and didn't know what was going on.
But then there were like, it seemed like there were some real fight fans, but they're just like sitting there watching the fight.
You know, it's not like they're not making a big scene or whatever.
Anybody who was there for like Logan Paul fight, like, I don't know, you could pick them out.
Okay, I see what you're saying.
So there was a couple of fight fans there, but not that many.
Yeah, and the ones that were there were just chilling, enjoying the fight.
They weren't like, it wasn't all rowdy because the energy just wasn't there.
So the energy that wasn't there throughout, what was it like whenever his fight started?
That fight, it was like bumping.
The crowd went wild.
He had like a mix of booze and cheers, but I think for the most part, there was a lot of Logan Paul chants, and it was like pro him because it was like USA over England.
KSI's from Great Britain or whatever.
Yeah.
And did you see, was there a lot of action?
Was it good boxing or was it shit boxing?
The first two fights, like I said, they were legitimate boxers, real boxing contenders.
The main event with KSI and Logan, it was Logan, he lost the fight by split decision, which we haven't said, but he looked like a real boxer to me, and he looked like the better boxer for sure.
KSI, he had a ton of stamina, and he was constantly winging, throwing huge punches, but like Logan looked pretty technical, to be honest.
It didn't look horrible.
The fight right before it, it was like this weird filler fight, and it looked like...
The fight right before it?
Yeah.
I'm thinking it was fucking like, I'm just trying to think of who would be on there, dude.
Was it like Thomas the Train versus fucking Scooby-Doo or something?
Yeah.
Those guys have way more clout than the guys that fought.
I think it was just some weird filler fight, and they look like weird versions of Doppelganger of KSI and Logan Paul.
It was like this kid with like frosted tips and this other black guy.
My theory was they did it to get people who were in the hallway back to their seats.
Wow.
So if you saw it on the TV, you'd be like, oh my God, it started.
Did it feel overly produced?
Was there a lot of produced stuff?
Like, I noticed just watching some of it, like, you know, they had a lot of advertisements and stuff.
Did it feel like that?
Or did it feel just like they got out there and that's when the fight hit?
I mean, it was.
Was there a lot of hold up for advertisements?
That's what I mean.
I didn't notice a lot of holdups for advertisements specifically.
I mean, the walkouts took a long time, but like in big boxing matches, that's kind of the thing.
It was promoted by a real boxing promotion, Eddie Hearn, who's like, he's been around actual boxing for a long time.
So it kind of had that same feel and the pacing of it.
But I didn't notice the advertisements in the arena.
And you also didn't know, it's kind of hard watching boxing when you're in the arena because you don't see everything.
And like Logan Paul, a huge moment was in the fourth round.
He knocked KSI down, but part of the punches, he was holding his head and doing uppercuts, and they took points away.
And you knew something was going on, but no one announced in the arena what happened.
So you're, I didn't even know.
Why?
And why is that?
Oh, because you're there, as opposed to hearing it on television or something where the announcers are telling you what's happening.
Yeah, yeah.
They're getting told by producers what the judges just did, and then they report it to the people watching at home.
But yeah, you didn't know.
And it's really hard to score because I tried to focus on the actual ring rather than watching the screen, which you sometimes do when you're at a big event.
But it's hard to see what lands and stuff.
So I had no idea what the decision was going to be once the fight was over.
Mostly males in the audience there?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, there was the Instagram women influencers you could see speckled throughout.
But yeah, it was all dudes.
And was it mostly straight men, you think?
was there some gay men or something?
What did it seem like?
I think they tried to present themselves as straight, but who knows?
There's a lot of really, really tight pants and that whole vibe, just the Instagram fashion.
So I don't know.
Who knows?
A lot of fashion Nova or something they call it.
I brought a lady approved.
Yeah, yeah.
She loved it, too.
She did?
Yeah.
Even if girls don't think they're fans of fighting, they love going to fights live.
Yeah, you know, that's interesting, yeah, because I was, yeah, when I went to the Poirier fight, I took a girl that I was seeing, and yeah, they loved it, huh?
What do they love about it, you think?
I don't know.
I think Aphrodisiac just men, all the testosterone pumping, I think.
Yeah, it's the violence, huh?
Yeah, something.
Yeah, the energy.
Yeah, I guess probably because there's so much machismo going on, it makes them, they probably feel more feminine because they're like, you know, they're the opposite side of that.
The sweat pheromones and all that.
And were you guys close enough to get any sweat on you or anything like that?
No, we had good, good seats.
Shout out to our little twing friend, Gianni.
He was the one who hooked it up.
Oh, really?
Through his publicist, Cassie.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, yeah.
So we had pretty good lower bowl seats, and we were Rojay off the floor.
So it was like, we were straight on with the ring or whatever.
That's awesome, man.
And was that a date you took?
Yeah, yeah.
You guys wore matching shirts.
Have you ever heard of Sadie Hawkins dance?
I am familiar with Sadie Hawkins.
The girls ask the guys, and it's a little country.
Fucking loved that, bro.
Because, dude, I had such bad acne.
Every time I went near a girl, I was like, oh, my God, dude.
There's no way she's going to say yes if there was like a real dance, you know?
So it was always so much easier when the girls had to ask the guys.
Did you get asked with your acne?
Yeah, I got asked by another girl who had pretty bad acne, too.
And that was almost fucking so sad, bro.
Girls with acne are smart to go after, though.
I mean, that's going to clear up.
That's an ugly duckling waiting to happen.
Yeah, man, but I wasn't trying to catch her, you know, years down the river.
You know what I'm saying?
I wasn't trying to fucking.
At least be nice to him.
Yeah, no, she was awesome.
She was smart.
We just both had acne.
So then I'm like, oh, fuck, we're the fucking acne group.
You know, it just seemed like.
And that's back when they had OxyPads.
Remember OxyPads?
Oh, yeah.
It was like this fucking hot pad.
It had bleach or something.
You just fucking rubbed it on your face.
And it fucking hurt so bad.
Those commercials made them look like magic.
I wasn't young enough to, old enough to have acne when I saw the commercials, but I wanted them.
Yeah.
Bro, it was not magic.
It was not magic, man.
I remember I would clean my shoes with them sometimes, dude.
That was fucking intense.
Dude, I had a friend that looked totally different after he used one, bro.
I fucking moved one of his eyebrows over to the side.
This shit was very, I mean, you could easily do remodeling.
You were like, you had blackface on this whole time?
Yeah, yeah, damn, dude.
Damn, Cedric.
What else?
We had any good news stuff?
Yeah, there's some wildness going down because of the Popeyes chicken sandwich in Maryland.
Specifically, a 28-year-old man was stabbed to death.
They didn't release the names, but it was in an altercation after he cut the line.
Well, let me say this.
If y'all fighting at Popeyes, bro, look, I grew up around New Orleans, and they got a St. Charles over there.
They got the Popeyes over there on St. Charles Avenue.
And every Mardi Gras, you know, a couple people pop off over there and gun each other down over a couple of biscuits.
So what I'm saying is, I know how good Popeyes is, but y'all got to fucking tighten up, man.
Y'all can't lose y'all shit.
You got to compose yourself in the car before you go in there.
You know, it's a chicken sandwich.
It's this, it's that, dude.
Who gives a shit?
Popeyes are not even a real person, man.
And it's bullshit anyway.
And you know, half the people in Popeyes, a lot of them have fucking guns and weapons.
So if you're going in there to eat, man, it's risky shit.
You know, it's basically like the Vietnam of fucking fast food, man.
So I think you have to really, I don't know, it almost seemed like you should take self-defense before you go in there to get something.
I mean, they had a guy, they had a Rubiness gentleman the other day, I think, and it might have even been a, you know, kind of a tender gentleman body slammed a senior citizen woman.
Good God.
In a parking lot at a fucking Popeye's, dude.
What are y'all doing, dude?
What are y'all doing?
That's what I'm saying, bro.
You got to bring fucking mace, dog.
If I go into a Popeye's, dude, I'm having one thing of fucking that spray on butter, which I bring in there anyway when I go.
And then one thing of that spray on mace, dude.
I don't even give a fuck if I mix them up, dude.
It's spicy anyway in there.
You got any closing thoughts on the Popeyes stuff?
Just that, like you said, you just never know who you're going to be tussling with.
Like, most people in Popeyes have guns.
So, like, if someone cuts the line, let them cut the line.
Oh, I saw a dude fucking cook a cup, cook.
I saw a dude fucking cook a drumstick with a fucking 38 once.
It's crazy.
I mean, it was frozen.
He fucking put 19 bullets into it.
That thing was just beautiful hot.
But stay safe out there, man.
R.I.P., bro.
Rest in Popeyes, dog.
What else we got?
So the Nationals, after their World Series win, visited the White House.
And the highlight, the thing that made all the headlines was Kurt Suzuki donned a Make America Great Again hat.
And Donald Trump came up and gave him a hug from behind.
It was really cute scene.
Oh, I love that, man.
That's cool, bro.
Dude, I hope that Hillary gets back into the election.
I just, I love the politics is getting so fucking good.
It's like reality TV.
Donald Trump's going to be in his late 70s after through the second term.
Think about that.
Like, shit is going to get weird.
I just think, and it's all, everything is becoming like the WWE now.
Everything is becoming just hype.
It's all hype.
It's kind of becoming every man for themselves, I feel like, or woman or closeted lesbian.
But it's like everybody, it's everybody for themselves.
This shit's going to get fucking good, dude.
That's what you got to do.
You got to be able to remove yourself from it and just watch it.
Like, go vote, do your thing.
But other than that, just take it all in.
Because, yeah, the next year is going to be vicious.
Oh, I wonder if there will be any.
I start to wonder, and it's so fucking funny, bro.
Dude, I really, I do, I love watching Donald Trump Jr.'s son, dude.
That dude is fucking, to me, he's very, very funny a lot of times.
Some of the shit that he posts online.
But I mean, I just think politicians, it's just such an outdated thing, it feels like to me.
But it's just getting great.
You see, like Kanye West is going to run supposedly in 2024.
You know, he's Jesus Christ.
I mean, everything, there's just everything's going on.
And he's a Republican.
I mean, I just, I don't know, man.
In a lot of ways, it's really an exciting time.
Because here's what I think.
No matter what they're doing, I keep my head down.
I do my shit.
No politicians ever done anything for me.
Dude, none of them.
I don't care what color or creed or whatever they're from.
Black, white, Philanesian or whatever, dog.
I don't, none of them.
Dude, I never.
So you do your shit.
I'm grateful to live in a country where I can do my shit.
And for the most part, people will leave you alone, you know?
One of my favorite thing that's really just stuck in my head from our episodes is when we had Duncan Trussell on, and he was quoting some philosopher book, I can't remember, but the idea was tend to the garden you can touch.
So just like affect what you can around you.
And like you said, no politician's ever done anything for you directly.
Go out and vote because that makes some effect.
But other than that, you have to get up, go to work, try to accomplish your goals, what have you.
Yeah.
Yeah, you know, there's people I think there's once you, for me, once you start thinking a politician is going to change your life, I feel like you've already lost.
I feel like.
And some people, I think, you know, a lot of times it can be an excuse.
People aren't happy with what's going on in their existence or something, so they really get into politics to try and put the hook over there, you know, and sort of.
But I mean, we all find ways to not look at ourselves.
But dude, I hope this shit ends in a Royal Rumble, dude.
I want everybody in the ring, bro.
I want Trump.
I want Hillary.
I want fucking Dirty Epstein.
I want him to fucking dig that dude up.
Hopefully Gianni can get me tickets to that Royal Rumble.
I know, bro.
He's a real wild guy.
Who else?
Speaking of publicists, Jordan Peterson's publicist came out to the comedy show this weekend.
Oh, that's fun.
Which was pretty cool.
She said that he is still in treatment and that he's doing well.
And that maybe we would cross-podcast again when he came out.
Got to.
That was a great episode.
Yeah, man.
That was pretty cool, man.
That was pretty cool.
Teacher said don't, but I said it anyway, Miss Behaven.
Preacher said, no, if you do, you're going to pay.
Miss Behaven.
Kicking and spitting and cussing out loud.
Running through the house with a pickle in my mouth.
Playing in the street, look at me outside.
Waving just two little country kids outside.
Ms. Behaven.
All right.
What do you got, brother?
So ABC footage was released from a hot mic of anchor Amy Roebach.
And she was caught saying that ABC made her squash the story she had on Jeffree Epstein that she had over three years ago.
She was quoted as saying in the hot mic, I've had the story for three years.
We would not put it on air.
It was unbelievable.
We had Clinton.
We had everything.
And just a couple days ago, a 25-year-old producer, Amy Bianco, was accused of being a whistleblower and allegedly being the one to leak the video, though she denies it.
I'm amazed how much play the word whistleblower is getting this year.
Baffling amount of play.
Every year, some word picks up steam like that.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, what amazed me is just the hypocrisy of a lot of networks.
It's like, we have to help, we have to be, you know, we have to be open to, you know, doing the right thing.
You got to do the right thing.
You got to be supportive and you got to support diversity.
And you got to.
But then once...
Why would they not let it out, I wonder?
I mean, the...
Yeah, that's like the theory for sure.
But once it comes back to that bottom line, man, people don't want to tell, you know.
It's interesting.
It's like, once it comes to when it's going to affect really your pocketbook and stuff, how do you, the choice do you make then?
Yeah, man, these networks are dangerous.
And the news wins.
If we go to war, if people go to war, people are fighting.
People are fucking shooting each other up for a shrimp biscuit out there at the Peapas, bro.
The news wins.
They win every time because then it's just people are going to tune in there to see what's going on.
I believe that the news has zero interest of anybody ever being at peace anymore.
I don't think that that just doesn't sell anymore for them.
It doesn't seem like.
So it's just a dangerous, it's dangerous what we let into ourselves, you know?
And it's hard not to.
I mean, sometimes it's fun, too, but they don't care about you, I don't feel like, the news networks.
I don't feel like they care about informing us.
Do you feel that way?
No.
Like, I think if you take the individual people that work for the organizations, they might start out altruistically and hoping to make change and stuff.
But at the end of the day, the decision makers are the people who are worried about the bottom line.
So, and I don't even think it's like nefarious.
They're trying to do good for their company so their employees can do well, all that.
But still, when you go after like ratings, that's what creates more money.
And why you started gets lost in it.
Yeah.
Epstein, man, unbelievable.
Unbelievable how long that guy was operating.
Pedophile, that's crazy.
It's unbelievable because a lot of these people have, I mean, I just don't know.
I just don't know.
When you really, really think about like, you're just like, oh, pedophile, he's a huge pedophile.
It makes you sick if you really think about what he was doing.
Yeah.
It's just so twisted, man.
It's the dark arts, bro.
And they're alive, man.
I think that's good, Nick.
Word.
I appreciate it, man.
Thanks for checking out that fight.
Yeah, totally.
All right, that's the real Nick Davis.
We want to get a few submits for single moms down there in Lafayette.
And that'll be December 26th.
I'm going to do something nice for a couple of local Louisiana single mothers.
So if there's a special lady that you know down there who is a good woman who's got a children or two, a children, I don't want some, don't bring me an 80-year-old lady with a 60-year-old child.
I want a mother, you know.
And I mean, maybe I'm being rude by saying what I want, but that's what I want.
And we're going to do something nice for them and make them a part of that evening.
So you can hit the hotline 985-664-9503 to do to submit.
All right.
Let's take a couple of calls that we got here.
And thank you guys for being here with me today.
What's up, Theo?
This is Austin from Keys Road in Covington.
Austin over there from Covington, Louisiana, and that's my hometown.
And you know they have the tallest statue of Ronald Reagan there in Covington, Louisiana.
And that's 12 foot of Ronald Reagan shear made out of copper or something pewter.
I think it's actually pewter, which is just kind of like dirty copper, bruh.
It's like copper's little fucking brother that had to get shipped off to school, you know, like a special school.
But anyway, and Ronald Reagan never visited our town either, but we still got that statue for him, bro.
Ron Ray, boy, Ron Ray, gang, shit.
All right, let's get it, brother.
I was just calling to get your thoughts on the LSU win over Alabama and what you think about Coach Owen Joe Burrow.
All right, gang.
Gang, bruh.
You know, it's so funny.
I was watching that game, and at the beginning, they were showing Joe Burrow, and he, you know, he's a handsome guy, and he's a quarterback of LSU, and he's potential Heisman.
He's probably the Heisman frontrunner for the Heisman Trophy.
And he looked, you know, he's like, oh, he's doing well.
That's how he looked.
And he looked confident.
At the end of the game, they were interviewing him and stuff.
And he had a different look to him.
He looked like, well, for one, he looked like a winner, but he looked like he evolved a little bit.
Like he was something.
He was bigger than he was when the game started.
He was more iconic.
He was more, I mean, hell, a dude was even a little handsomer looking at the end.
He was just, there was more, I don't know, he was just, he'd been through something.
You know, it's interesting.
Dustin Poirier said a lot of time, and he's a UFC guy.
And so he's telling me sometimes when you're in these fights, whether you win or lose, you leave part of yourself in there.
And sometimes you take a new part of yourself out of there.
And it's just interesting what happens when men go in a battle of some sort or when we go through something in our lives.
A lot of times we really do, an experience can really change us and really change us, really add to us or deplete from us.
And I remember seeing him after the game, looking at Joe Burrow and be like, man, that guy is going to be a leader.
He just had this different quality about him that he gained through that win.
Go Tigers, man.
Yeah, I'm glad that they got to play.
A lot of times, it's just so hard to get these conferences.
They put all these games together and a lot of time, a lot of dog shit.
I like to see the good games.
And so I'm glad they had the good games.
Number one versus number two.
They should play almost every other week.
Who's number one?
Who's number two?
Let them play.
You got number one playing versus number 900.
Who gives a damn?
I'd rather fucking drink lemonade, bro.
I'd rather drink lemonade through a straw out of my own ass, dude.
You know, I'd rather smoke a bowl of my own freaking dick, dog.
I ain't doing all that shit.
Every week, number one verse number six, do something.
You have the numbers.
You know who people are ranked.
And instead, you out here, you got number seven versus number six thousand.
And it's just a damn, you know, water for the blind technical school or something from outside of Minneapolis.
And also, shout out to those Golden Gophers, boy.
Minnesota, bruh.
That team has played so hard for so long.
They had to deal with the Vikings, sharing a field with them for a few years.
They've done so much.
And, man, that was really, really exciting.
And man, I wanted to see Oklahoma get beat by Iowa State.
Just because, or Iowa, I think it was Iowa State.
It was Iowa State.
Just because I like that underdog, man.
But Jalen Hurst, man, I like what he's doing.
Jaden?
Jalen?
Jalen, I think.
I like what he's doing over there.
It's an exciting, it's coming down to be exciting.
Baylors, and there's a lot of exciting teams rolling up into it.
So, and dude, they talked about us on Sports Center.
I put it on my Instagram, man.
That was about the craziest thing ever.
They had a man named Hamp Sisson over there at Furman University.
And he ran a ball, and he had a good block.
He had a really good block.
And shout out Hamp Sisson over there.
And the Sports Center, the guy said something, Hamp.
Shout out Theo Vaughn.
I thought that was pretty cool, man.
Because, you know, I used to fucking peddle them little hamsters, brawn G-Pigs, out there off Highway 190.
Over there by the snowball stand by Pat's video and shrimp.
All right, let's take another call over here.
985-664-9503.
Hey, what up, Theo?
It's Dustin from Monticello, Arkansas.
What's up, Dustin?
And Monticello, Arkansas.
That sounds like a unique little spot.
I think I've been there before.
Let me see something about it.
Monticello, Arkansas, 71,000 people, it says, over there in Monticello.
And Monticello is Rodney Shelton Foss is from Monticello, who was potentially the first American killed in World War II.
So if you don't know that, then now you know it.
That's over there in Monticello.
Okay, what do we got, brother?
Onward?
And, man, I just had a question.
I got this job now in this woodmill, you know, cutting some log.
Oh, yeah.
You that fucking birch bad boy, son.
You that fucking little log jacker.
You that fucking pine, bruh.
You freaking Peter Pine, dude.
Straight out the gate.
Past the last start of morning, bruh.
I'll see you in the lost boys, bro.
Captain Hook, bruh.
Freaking gang orang, dog.
Let me see what you got.
You working at the woodmill?
What's up?
And, man, day after day, it just wears my body down.
And it's getting to a point I can't even be happy no more going into work.
I just go into work broken down and I can't stop thinking about leaving.
They go by slow.
So I was just wondering, you got any tips for staying happy at a job that's so physically demanding on you?
Gang, gang.
Man, you know, I think that job is training you for something better, man.
For some things you're going to go through in your life.
You're going to need the experience.
You're going to need to be a tough man.
You know, say iron sharpens iron.
Or iron.
I think it is iron sharpens iron.
Yeah.
So yeah, man, instead of life doesn't happen to us, it happens for us.
So we, you know, if it's physically demanding, it's building you up.
You ain't no soft boss, bruh.
You ain't no Q-tip.
You ain't no little cotton puff.
You something especial, daddy.
Dude, I say you fucking go in there and get it done.
You that woodchuck.
Bring a gun in there or something.
Bring a knife, dude.
Be like Donatello or something.
Knife that shit out.
Dude, I think you should put weights on your legs and build your legs up.
Do leg lifts while you're in there.
Do knee jackers or whatever.
Build your ass.
Build your neck.
Dude, you could come out of there looking like, you know, looking like damn Andre 3000 or Andre the Giant.
You could do it all, man.
That's what I'm saying is you got the opportunity, man.
This is just sharpening you for something else.
Whatever's going on right now is getting you ready for the next thing.
And look, throw a podcast on.
You know, sometimes it's like, you know, I always think like, man, I have to do this today.
Instead of thinking, man, I get to do this.
This is it.
This is life.
This is it.
And I know it's not easy, man.
I'm not preaching at you.
You know, I'm right there with you, man.
Everything, everything can be grueling.
But we don't have to go to work.
We get to.
There's somebody somewhere would love to work in a wood mill.
Think about it.
You're Santa's little helper, man.
All those little boys up there.
He's got those little high fucking little people up there.
Smoking them big junts, bro.
Them big fucking pony pieces and building little trains and shit.
Build a train.
Build a wooden cannon.
You got an opportunity, bro.
You got all of that wood.
Sounds like you got a real opportunity on your hands.
Build the world's largest birdhouse.
Next thing you know, you got 6,000 birds out there in your yard.
Next thing you know, you got a zoo.
Next thing you know, you got money coming in.
You got a couple of fucking ZBs out there, a couple of zoo bitches.
You feel me?
So.
But, yeah, man, you stay healthy.
Stay hydrated.
Listen to some good podcasts.
Throw on some Coco Diaz.
He'll get you through the day, Cocksaka.
But you can do it, man.
I know you can.
Keep your head up, gang.
Let's take another call right here.
Here we go.
Theo, what's up, man?
It's Doug and Blake.
We had a run-in, you know, run-in with some gypsies here in Augusta, Georgia, man.
I just didn't know, like, you know, if you ever had any, you ever had a run-in with a gypsy?
And if so, how'd you get out of that, you know, situation?
Because we're kind of in it now.
But, you know, I appreciate your insight, man.
Love the show.
Gang.
Kush, girl.
Gypsies, man, I'll tell you, a lot of people don't know about gypsies in America.
And they got them ram Nichelle Gypsies.
And some people, they have them on the white.
They have a fighting show where it's like gypsies fighting or something.
And everybody gets a wedding dress in and they fist fight outside of Best Western.
And I can't remember the name of it.
First Gypsies wedding.
Or Best Gypsy or something.
But what I'm telling you is this, man.
There's a unique subculture of people or culture of people in America called Gypsies.
And they got a unique, they got their own style of living, man.
They marry gypsies a lot of times.
They're real, you know, it's not inbreeding or whatever.
It's just like teamwork.
They're real family-oriented, family-first.
You know, the husbands like to make the money.
They a lot of them work in asphalt.
And they down the sub, bruh.
Kush, girl.
And they got their own language out there.
And you see them out there: Ohio and Minnesota, Milwaukee.
They got them out there.
I met a fella out, and where was that guy?
He brought me in Madison, Wisconsin.
This guy did asphalting, and he brought me an orange hat, green hat.
They are out there, and they do asphalting.
And some of them, they're pulling the wool over people's eyes, and some of them are legit businessmen.
So really, they're just like everybody.
But if you have to deal with them, I think, just, I think a lot of it for them is probably about respect, you know.
I would try to have a new experience.
If you've had a rough experience to begin with, I would try to have a new experience with them.
Say, hey, look, we might have got off to a rough foot.
I'm willing to give things a new shot.
What do you want to do?
Now, sometimes gypsies, they'll tell you they're going to do asphalt and stuff, and they just spray paint your yard black or something.
Intelligent asphalt, and then they run off or something.
But I think a lot of that stuff's kind of changing.
But you just got to keep your head open and your eyes, you know, kind of clear and everything.
But yeah, be safe.
Also, dude, speaking of Augusta, I'm trying to go to the I'm trying to take my stepdad to the what is it called, that thing?
Masters.
I'm trying to take my stepdad to the masters next year because he's getting older and I always promised him I would take him.
If anybody have an insight on how I can get tickets to that or badges to it, let me know.
Good luck out there with them ramna shells, bruh, because they wild too, and a lot of them have long stomach.
A lot of gypsies have real long stomach, a lot of the women, and they put a little jewel in their stomach, like those, remember those little dolls they had that you would stick your pencil in the bottom with the hair, with the bright hair?
They have that.
That magic belly space.
Okay, let's take another call here.
985-664-9503 is the hotline.
Hey, Peo, this is Alex from Utah.
I have a serious issue I've been struggling with lately and could use a second opinion on Better.
I have been divorced for a minute.
I have a little girl with my first wife, but I'm getting remarried.
Okay, so you've been divorced.
You have a little girl with the first wife, and you're getting remarried.
Onward.
And she has a little boy who's now two.
Now, here's my problem.
I loved the boy.
We've been together for a long time now.
So I love him.
He loves me.
He looks at me and calls me daddy.
When I look at him, sometimes I see her ex-husband.
And it'll throw me off for a date, man.
It's been hard to get over that where, you know, I don't see myself in him at all.
And it's kind of weird because I have this daughter that I do, of course, because I had her with my ex.
Anyways, man, maybe I just need to suck it up and know that it'll get well over time.
But why aren't your thoughts, man?
Anyways, love your company, brother.
Thanks, man.
Thank you for sharing this experience that you're going through.
Man, I can imagine that's tough and that's a real situation, you know.
And I think it's a great chance.
And look, I'm not speaking like I know everything.
I don't know anything.
But I will say this.
It's a great opportunity for you to be loving.
You know, as hard as it might be in certain moments, you sound like a loving person, you know.
Because sometimes he might feel that, that boy.
You look at him a certain way and you see his stepfather in him.
And, you know, I'm sure the stepfather and the mother made that child out of love.
So it's a real opportunity for you to look at him and just be loving.
You know?
The only way he gets into the world is through that woman and that man.
That's the only way that boy gets into the world.
And he might change the world.
You know, he might invent a new kind of chocolate or something.
He might make, you know, he might find a way to make pudding even better.
He may colonize Mars.
That might be the boy that does it.
He might be that magic boy.
And you get a chance to love him, man.
You know, and that's pretty cool.
You know, who knows?
Maybe you and your wife, you won't even be able to have a boy.
And so that's going to be your son.
And I'm sure the dad is probably a little envious too of you in some ways.
Because imagine he probably looks at the son, at his son, and sees that his son really cares about you.
So it's really a, you know, it's just an opportunity to just try and be loving.
And if you're really having trouble, I would just ask, you know, try and ask your higher power to help you not have those feelings of uncomfort anymore.
Ask them that they be taken away from you.
But I think you got this, brother.
And matter of fact, man, I know you got it.
I have no doubt.
Be good to yourself, bud.
All right?
All right, let's take another call here.
Here we go.
Hey, what's up, Theo?
It's Joey from Ames, Iowa.
You know, I just wanted to call and give you some good news, man.
I became an uncle a couple weeks ago, and I got a niece.
She was about a month early.
She looked like a little banana pepper when she was born, but she's still beautiful, man.
Oh, yeah.
You got that early niece.
Onward.
The crazy thing is, she's named after me.
I'm Joseph, and they called her Josephine.
So, you know, that made me feel good, man.
That was some good shit.
But now I have to be a role model, man.
But that's alright.
You know, I just want to let you know, give you a little good news.
I know you get a lot of drama and bad news on the hotline.
So I just wanted to give you something positive.
Joey got that Josephine, bro.
So they got a little baby out there, that little fucking banana pepper out there in Iowa.
And look, you can be a role model.
I mean, the dad has to be the role model, I think.
You get to be awesome as fuck, bro.
You get to get a Corvette.
You got to show up.
Be really cool.
Don't be a creep.
Don't be a pediophile.
Those are really your responsibilities because you're going to get entrusted with the children from time to time to spend time with them, get them snacks, take them to a film, do something nice at Christmas, be loving from afar.
You get to be like the escape that they'll have sometimes from their parents, like a cool person to spend time with.
Just make sure there's nothing wrong with you mentally or emotionally where you're going to be a pervert or perverting or anything because that's what happens.
A lot of times uncles will become, sadly, pediophiles or ped files or whatever.
And I ain't doing that shit and praise God I'm not.
So you'd be good out there, Joe.
I appreciate the call, brother.
Let's take another call here.
Here we go.
Hey, Theo, this is Thomas Getty from Fort Worth, Texas.
Tommy out of Fort Worth.
I'm calling today because a buddy of mine is, well, I don't think addicted, but I think getting a little bit too much into meth.
He has been a little too much into meth, okay?
Onward.
Kind of dabbling in the meth here and there.
I don't think he does.
Oh, you mean he's mething around, huh?
Okay, I'll stop.
Every day, but, you know, like every couple of weekends or so.
I'm finding out this dude's doing meth.
He's not like hiding or anything.
He tells me about it.
And I tell him, dude, that's not fully.
He's probably stopped doing meth.
Slippery slope.
I don't think meth's a great thing for this dude.
He's a hardworking dude to get a job and whatnot.
He's a great guy.
Meth's great if you want to do card tricks outside of, you know, outside of supermarkets for people to make a couple of bucks for the rest of your life.
Then meth's great.
Meth's great if you want to, you know, if you want to wash your hands so much that you wash your damn skin right off of them, then meth's great.
Meth's great if you want it to be wintertime and you don't need a coat because your body is at about 190 degrees, then yeah, meth's great.
Onward.
He just does meth, you know, and a couple of my friends have approached me about it, said that they're worried about it because he's not really shy about the fact that he does it.
He's never really offered any of us masks.
But you know, if he did it a weekend or two ago or he did it that day before he came to hang out with us, he'll tell us.
Which I don't know.
I think that's weird.
Well, it sounds like he's like the most confident meth guy ever, really.
Like he's fucking Methamed Ali, dude.
This guy's, you know, smoke like a butterfly, shoot like a bee.
This dude's on that meth, but he's fearless about it.
So he might, I mean, here's the things that can happen.
He could become the greatest meth user of all time and really become a champion of the sport.
You know, he could become the Deion Sanders of methamphetamines.
Or this dude could get caught in a playground taking apart the slides and the swings in the middle of the night for no reason.
So those are really the two options.
Let me hear a little bit more.
So what would you do?
How would you tell your friend to maybe stop doing the math?
Thanks.
Love you.
Love you too, man.
I appreciate the call, you know, because it is hard to approach people, especially if you think they have addiction, if they're struggling.
It's hard also sometimes.
I remember I used to use drugs and I would think other people were using drugs too much.
Dude, I remember being high on cocaine and telling somebody on cocaine, bro, you got to do less cocaine.
They're like, what, bro?
You're on cocaine.
I said, oh, you're all right.
You're right.
I would maybe talk to an interventionist, man.
Sometimes they cost money, but I would maybe talk to an interventionist because I just don't see how it can get better unless something happens now.
I'm just really worried that it could get bad quick.
So you got to tighten them up, dude.
Put little cards around too.
Say, hey, no meth, you know?
Knock, knock, who's there?
Not meth.
Or start teaching that dude algebra, bro, and come out with a new thing called methematics.
And this dude is just a straight up, you know, he's the, it's like a beautiful mind, bro, but with methamphetamines.
And he's out there doing it right and winning contests and shit and winning trophies and traveling around the world and smoking meth and, you know, doing rails of meth and fucking setting new prizes and being a wizard and everything.
And then he fucking falls in love with a girl somewhere in Japan or something.
And then her father probably kills him or something.
That's a, there's just, and that's like a best case scenario.
So it's limited, man.
It's limited opportunity, I think, for him.
So I do think it's a good time probably to speak to him.
And it is time to shut it down, man.
There's never a bad time to shut down somebody's meth use.
Because meth is like, there's only one or two drugs at the real end of the line.
You got meth and you got smoking crack.
Nobody's ever been like, oh yeah, I'm smoking meth and I also and I also just, you know, won a Nobel Prize.
Nobody's doing that.
So you got to get your boy off that meth.
I would talk to him.
And if that's not working, then I would immediately talk to an interventionist, talk to someone who works at a narcotics anonymous group, somebody who could actually speak to him.
But I'd find somebody maybe in recovery who can maybe talk to him if you can't reach him.
Because somebody should be able To reach him.
And here's the thing: when he gets better, man, when he's not using it, he will thank you.
And that's just a suggestion, dude.
Also, I don't fucking know.
All right, let's take one last call, man.
Thank you guys for being a part of this show here this week.
The holidays are coming.
It's a special time of year.
It's a special time of year.
We get to be alive for the holidays, man.
That's beautiful.
Ain't nobody in the world not excited about Thanksgiving coming up.
Getting that yam and seeing somebody from your family that's got their stomach stapled or something.
They showing off their new rib cage or something.
It's all good, gang.
All right, let's take another call here.
Here we go.
Hey, man.
Just wanted to share with you just some stuff that's been getting to me lately.
Went on a trip to Europe with my girlfriend at the time.
We were dating for a little over a year.
Planning on going to like five or six countries, adventuring for like a month and a few days.
Okay, she went on a trip to Europe with the girlfriend, man.
I can relate to that.
I went on a trip to Europe with my girlfriend back in the day.
And we had a pretty decent time, I think.
I don't know.
Maybe we didn't.
Homeward?
And just a couple days in, I found out that she cheated on me back home.
So I freaked out.
Of course, I broke up with her.
It was a nightmare of a situation.
And I can only get so in depth.
I'm really just having a trouble with getting over it, getting over her.
And I was wondering if you could give me any advice.
Love you, dude.
Love you too, man.
Thanks for calling.
I'm sorry you're dealing with that.
You know, I'm sorry that that happened to you.
Yeah, it can really, it really hurts our feelings when people do that to us, man.
And I mean, I only know that a lot of times because I've done that to women.
And I've seen how much it hurts them.
Um...
Thank you.
You know, if she really does care about you, if she really did, or she really does, or she really did, then she probably was really hurting too.
So many times when somebody does us wrong, we think, oh, man, fuck them.
But also, you know what also sucks is doing somebody wrong and having to live with that wrong.
It's painful, man.
Dude, having to talk to your girlfriend or your boyfriend and knowing you've been lying to them.
It's like having a dirty treasure chest in your ocean, bro.
It's like having a treasure chest that has no treasure in it at all.
And it's just really just a fucking shoebox.
So she probably, it probably wasn't fun for her as much as it was painful for you.
I'm just saying there's a way to heal it up, I think, if you think like, hey, I'm sorry that you, I bet it was painful for you to live with that.
And I bet it was painful that you did that and had to live with that.
And I'm sorry that that happened to you.
I'm sorry you, even though she did it to you.
Because then you take control.
You get some control then.
Then you're not a victim anymore.
You're not a victim of what she did.
You're offering, you are saying, hey, I can understand what it's like to do something wrong and how miserable it feels or how tough it feels to live with that pain or that uncomfort, that discomfort, that decomp.
So you can let her know that.
And sometimes, man, it's crazy.
Sometimes I've been in relationships where somebody did me wrong and then I stayed with them just so I could hold it against them.
Isn't that fucked up, man?
Man, I remember staying with this one girl I was with for a while and I just would think sometimes, man, I can't stand this girl, but I'm going to stay with her just because it's almost like out of spite, stay with her just like, well, she...
Fuck.
Fuck.
Thank you.
Sorry, man.
It's almost like I stay, you know, I stayed with a girl once because even though I didn't like her, I just, because by staying with her, it gave me some like weird control or something.
By staying with someone who had done me wrong, it let me be the victim.
And if I could be the victim, it always gave me this place to operate from.
And in hindsight, it was such a bitch move, man.
I'm not saying that's you.
I'm just, I'm saying for myself when I think back on myself, it brings me some, you know, a little bit of shame because I did that.
You know, I find for myself, sometimes I stay with certain things because it gives me an excuse.
I'm going to stay with this person that cheated on me because as long as I can always remind them they cheated on me, then that gives me a leg to stand on.
That makes me a little better than them.
Or I'm going to keep drinking or I'm going to keep smoking cigarettes because as long as that's my problem, and as long as I keep going in circles of trying to quit smoking or not smoking or whatever, as long as I keep that little problem going, I'll never have to deal with whatever my real problem is.
As long as I keep this little goldfish in the bowl, I'll never even have to really see what the shark is.
So I just keep bowing.
Yeah, I'm trying to quit.
I quit for a few days.
I'm back.
I quit.
I'm back.
And sometimes it's like, I don't know if I even really want to quit.
Because if I quit that, if I quit, if I quit smoking, then I'm just going to have to follow.
Then it's going to be, well, whatever.
What next?
I'm going to have to look at what's really going on with me.
You know, I'm going to have to fucking be Neil Armstrong and myself, man.
Not Lance, bro, Neil.
I ain't talking about that fucking nut boy with the cycle.
I'm talking about that fucking spacey daddy.
But you said now about getting over her, man.
I think the truth is, dude, I think you are over her.
I think you just keep it around because you don't want to move forward.
And that's just a guess, bro, and that's kind of messed up of me to say that.
And I'm just guessing, like, by your tone and stuff.
But also, man, I'm just saying that because I can relate.
You know, I used to pine over girls all the time for this and that.
And the truth was, I didn't really even probably care about them anymore.
I was just afraid to man up and fucking live my life.
I was too lazy or too stagnant or too something to fucking just say, hey, that's that.
Let's go.
Let's go.
You know, created this fake breeze that was just pushing against me then.
But I was operating the wind machine secretly on the side.
And I don't have, you know.
It's like, oh man, I can barely make it through this wind.
But as long as I every now and then reach over and crank up the fucking crank up the wind machine, the fan, then the wind will just keep coming.
I'm making my own damn bullshit.
So anyway, man, I wish you luck.
And really, what I really wish you, man, is the same thing that I wish myself sometimes, confidence.
Confidence to say, hey, you know what?
Enough.
Enough of that.
And let's get going, huh?
Thank you for calling, man.
Thank you for everybody calling.
We can do this.
We can do this.
Other people have done this.
It's life.
We got this.
Let's go get this, bruh.
It's Sadie Hawkins, man.
These bitches is looking for us with that nice shirt.
You know what I'm saying?
I ain't talking about Tiff with them three-point fucking kneecaps, daddy.
With them dunkaroos right there.
I'm talking about getting that nice shirt from a real lady.
I'm talking about expecting good things to happen to myself instead of immediately looking at the bad ones every day.
Because that's what's comfortable.
Man, I wonder sometimes how far I could go if I really gave myself a chance.
You know, I really do.
Thank you guys for being here with me today and for me today.
I don't want to sometimes know what this podcast is about, but sometimes oddly, man, it's like exactly what I need sometimes.
So and I know wherever I am right now, this is where I need to be.
Sometimes it's not always comfortable, but this is where I need to be.
And sometimes you don't always get to be with the people you want to be with or be in the house you want to be in right now or get to have the job you want right now.
But those things are coming.
They're going to come to us when we're ready.
And so I'm right where I need to be today.
You guys be good to yourselves, man.
You deserve it, huh?
Get that hitter right here.
That Bishop Gunn, man, these boys are good.
We're making it.
I ain't seen home in about a hundred days.
I can almost hear mama pray for my restless school.
That's Travis McCready, that lead singer.
And I ain't made a dollar.
I ain't spent the weather going.
They killed me.
I still get wet.
You got this baby.
We're making good time.
We're making good time, baby.
Most all of my plans slip right through my hands And wind up next to
me, broken on the ground If this bottle was an hourglass I'd say that I'm about an hour past the minute I should have put it down But I'm making it I'm making it wrong Feel right Shout out I'm making it And if
hell's where I'm heading then I'm making good time Gang, bruh.
We're making good time.
We're making good time, baby.
We're making good time.
Right where you need to be, brother.
We're making good time.
Between the lives that I've crossed And the friends that I've lost I'm out here alone in the sea But I'm in pretty good shape for the shape Pretty good shape for
the shape of the cake Man,
that song is fitting me today I hate staying home in about a hundred days I can almost hear mama pray for my restless soul Take that big John,
how about that fade out, huh?
Ice John, frozen John, whatever that guy's name was How about that fade out right there, big daddy You gotta be good, man, be good to yourself, huh Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite and welcome to Kite Club,
a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events stand-up stories and seven ways to pleasure your partner The answer may shock you sometimes I'll interview my friends Sometimes I won't and as always I'll be joined by the voices in my head You have three new voices today A lot of people are talking about kite club I've been talking about kite club for so long longer than anybody else so great I sweetheart is a deal Anyone
who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker mine I'll take a quarter bottle of cheese out of the glory I think Tom Hanks just buttiled me anyway first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about kite club second rule of kite club is tell everyone about kite club third rule like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on YouTube yeah and