Subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts http://bit.ly/ThisPastWeekend_ Theo is back from his shows in the midwest. He recaps the trip, and listens to some voicemails about making changes, poop rooms, and family issues. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- New Merch https://theovonstore.com ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This episode is brought to you by Butcher Box Sign up today & get a FREE turkey PLUS $20 off your first box at https://ButcherBox.com/THEO Manscaped Get 20% off + Free Shipping with code THEO at https://Manscaped.com Capterra Visit https://Capterra.com/THEO Skillshare Get two months free at https://Skillshare.com/TheoVon ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hit the Hotline 985-664-9503 Video Hotline Upload here: http://bit.ly/TPW_VideoHotline ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Find Theo Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiEKV_MOhwZ7OEcgFyLKilw ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Producer Nick https://instagram.com/realnickdavis ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Music Intro "Drunk Outdoors" - North Mississippi Allstars http://bit.ly/DrunkOutdoors_NorthMississippiAllstars Outro “Alabama” - Bishop Gunn http://bit.ly/Alabama_BishopGunn ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Patreon Gunt Squad Name Aaron Rasche Adam White Alaskan Rock Vodka Alex Bmayer Alex Hitchins Alex Person Alex Petralia Alex Wang Alexa harvey Andrew Valish Angelo Raygun Annmarie Reilly Anthony Holcombe Ashley Konicki Audrey Hodge Ayako Akiyama Ben Deignan Ben in thar.. Benjamin Herron Benjamin Streit Bobby Hogan Brandon Woolsey Christopher Becking Claire Tinkler Cody Anderson Cody Cummings Cody Kenyon Cody Marsh Crystal Dan Draper Dan Perdue Danny Crook David Christopher David Witkowski Dentist the menace Diana Morton Dionne Enoch Doug C Dusty Baker Eric Tobey Felicity Black Gillian Neale Ginger Levesque Greg Salazar Gunt Squad Gary J Garcia Jamaica Taylor James Briscoe James Hunter James Schneider Jameson Flood Jayme Sta Jeffrey Lusero Jeremy Siddens Jeremy Weiner Joakim Joaquin Rodriguez Joe Dunn Joel Henson Joey Piemonte John Kutch Johnathan Jensen Jon Blowers Jon Ross Jordan Josh Nemeyer Joy Hammonds Justin Doerr Justin L justin marcoux Kennedy Kenton call Kevin Best Kirk Cahill Kyle Baker Lacey Ann Lawrence Abinosa Lea Rashka Leighton Fields Madeline Matthews Mandy Picke'l Marisa Bruno Matt Nichols Meaghan Lewis Mike Mikocic Mike Nucci Mike Poe Mona McCune Nick Roma Noah Bissell NYCWendy1 OK Qie Jenkins Ranger Rick Robyn Tatu Rohail Ryan Hawkins Sagar Jha Sean Scott Secka Kauz Shane Pacheco Shona MacArthur Stephen Trottier Suzanne O'Reilly Taryn Feingold Theo Wren Thomas Adair Tim Greener Timothy Eyerman Tito Liebowitz Todd Ekkebus Tom Cook Tom Kostya Tugzy Mills Vanessa Amaya Victor I tuck back and sit down to pee Johnson II Vince Gonsalves Vlog Master William Reid Peters Yvonne Zeke HarrisSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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You know I am boy, you know I'm that little titty kitty you feel me Meanwhile You know sometimes I think about just covering my body in um in rare fur and just kind of milling around on a couple of um You know titties You know them sternum nuggets,
baby them big dogs So that's where I'm at today oh I want you to know that today's episode is brought to you by Gray Block Pizza and Gray Block's a beautiful pizza establishment if you've wondered what it's like to have something Italian inside of your face inside of inside of your freaking little flavor hole then that's great then that can that can
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you got money you can get a little bit money Get that head up If you got money you can get up Get a little bit of that is North
Mississippi All-Stars and that's their new song drunk outdoors and when you do that when you do actually do that and you drink outdoors it's really one thing that's really that really when when I would drink outdoors in the past that brought me a lot of joy was being able to urinate immediately you know inside if you're in it if you're in a domicile
or you're in a homestead and you have to urinate or you have to pee out you have to usually find a special area to pee special area to drop water but if you're outdoors you can piss you can you know you can flow out wherever you can piss out wherever and it's very normal animals will see you urinating
outside and they're not kind of you know they're not whispering to other animals you know oh look at gary's wiener you know or he you know he oh you know tiffany has a real you know she has a real weak stream doesn't she don't animals will not communicate with they're not they're not up to as much chicanery and as much um they're not making fun of you as much whereas
indoors if you're indoors you got to pee the dog follows you you know the parrot if they have a parrot it's like you know looking around in its cage wondering where you went but secretly knowing that you've kind of snuck off to urinate and that's one thing that i do enjoy about uh about uh if you are going to drink anything outdoors kool-aid water milk milk doesn't make as much urine because your body steals a lot of it
but um water soda pop uh what else carbonated water um carrot uh juice other juices those things can create you know a full decent blast of urine so oh good to be back in the studio I just flew in I got on this Nicaraguan hitter that somebody gave me a
beautiful young fellow I can't remember his name and it was him and a couple of other Roguans showed up over there and this was in Milwaukee outside of that Pabst theater and man it was the sweetest gift you know and this fellow said he grew up over there in Nicaragua Nicaragua and and it just made me think of my dad growing up and when he was a kid and what he was doing and
my dad said when he was young that kids over there they had a lot of poverty and poverty you know that's when you you know you you don't have you don't even have a wallet because there's no point in it it's not a wallet wouldn't even be anything it would just be nothing it would just be just something like a little sack kind of this like a really kind of rectangle sack because you would never have any money and they um and
he said uh and my dad said that the other children sometimes would have to eat dirt because they had so much poverty and their bellies would get big and large and uh and i always thought about that a lot you know because i would eat dirt sometimes i never had a lot i would have a limited amount um because that always was in the back of my head thinking oh my belly could get real large and and i didn't want to be that kind of you know kind of fat and dirt and
have dirt in me so but uh thank you for this beautiful shirt thank you it was this past like nine days has been crazy um i mean you go it started out in bethleham pennsylvania you go there and there's just right when i got to the casino uh the wind creek you know just a lot of wonderful people in the lobby and getting to meet them and they had one couple had matching outfits and they were you know and
the fella was just real nervous to meet me And he was like, kind of started tearing up and stuff.
And so I just locked arms with him.
You know, I locked arms with his, you know, his big, beautiful ass.
And we just stood there and just kind of held each other.
And that shit was, it was beautiful, man.
It was beautiful.
It definitely, you know, I felt like just part of the Lord's homework right there.
Like something was getting done.
And then what else, man?
We went there, then we drove over to, I don't even know, Philadelphia, I don't even know.
Through Amish.
We saw a couple Amish and we didn't sneak up on them or anything.
We stayed chill, looked at them from far off.
You know, Iri Manus was out there with me, and he had them binoculars, and so we'd, you know, we'd drop scope on some Amish and just, you know, watch them.
Nice.
They were nice people crossing the street is what mostly we saw them do.
And that's it.
We wanted to spend more time out there outside of Lancaster, Pennsylvania.
That's where the Amish are really milling around and kind of, that's where you, you know, if you want to get a good recipe or something, or that's where you kind of sneak in there and you meet a lady and you can, you know, it's hard to kiss them.
I think it's almost, they don't, you got to almost sneak up and kiss them real fast.
But and then where else we went through Cleveland?
Wow, that was crazy.
Cleveland was crazy.
We went out after the show.
That show was crazy.
It was a Tuesday night.
It was almost 2,000 people.
And went to Indianapolis.
Then we went to Pittsburgh.
Oh, Pittsburgh, that's where we went.
And we went to the football game.
And the Stellar's, boy, you talk about people enjoying.
And you see people out there, they got a little bit of chipped ham on them.
Everybody's talking about chipped ham over there by the stadium.
Oh, you want some?
Oh, you need some chipped ham, honey?
And I thought chipped ham, I thought it was a guy at first.
I'm like, where is he?
You know, chipped ham.
Bring his ass out here, dude.
I want to meet this guy.
But it's a meat, it's a meat choice.
And people were making it.
And you saw, yeah, people eating.
A lot of people licking their fingers out there over there in Pittsburgh.
They think, think, think.
That was probably the rowdiest crowd of the week was Pittsburgh.
That was probably the rowdiest squad.
And where else finished off in Milwaukee and Madison, which were two of the best shows, really, I thought, of the week.
Detroit was pretty wild.
Sorry, just so much happened at once.
It was just such a crazy...
And Iri Mana slept in it.
He's sleeping in there.
And, you know, he said he wanted to, honestly, he said he wanted to touch women in there.
And I told him I'd allow it, you know, during nighttime hours and as long as it was consensual.
Because we don't, you know, we got enough of the dark arts going on on our own side of the bed.
And man, I think I got, you know, there was a moment in the week where I was keyed up and excited.
And then I started to like, I kind of forgot that I was, you know, that I just I just kind of lost a little bit of, not focus, but I just realized, oh, I have to really, I was just having trouble, honestly, just finding gratitude and being grateful.
And I don't know why, man.
It made me so, made me mad.
You know, I want to be grateful and just feel the joy of just every moment of life if I can.
You know, I want to see people, you know, you might see a couple of little thick little fellas over there tickling each other or something or sharing a bowl or something or doing, you know, you see some, you know, a couple at a table and maybe it's their anniversary and they, you know, divvying up a couple of ravialis.
And I want to be, I want to, I want to, you know, enjoy all the moments of life.
And so, so yeah, really kind of after Indianapolis, I kind of had a moment of like regrouping and stuff.
And after Detroit and tried to really just say, you know, just really focus on trying to be grateful.
And just, because I want to feel the joys of the world, man.
I really want to feel them.
You know, I don't want to be.
And I think I started to feel a little bit bad, dude.
I was doing a little bit of masturbation this week.
I don't know what happened.
But something about you get into Ohio, you just start kind of jerking off, I guess I do.
And I didn't expect it.
You know, I'll watch a Browns game or something, or I'll see, you know, I'll see the Cavaliers on TV and I don't think about touching myself or anything, you know, being real unique with my dick or anything.
But then I got into that state and I just couldn't stop just doing it, dude.
And I was just, I don't know, I just, you know, had a little bit of a setback there.
And once I start doing it, then it's like this downward little, you know, kind of spiral where I'm just kind of pleasuring myself and not really, but just not feeling great about it.
So anyway, I mean, it's the dark arts tour, and sometimes the dark arts really bites you right in the freaking back of your nuts.
You know, where nothing's ever supposed to put its teeth.
And I kind of feel like a little bit of that's what happened.
So with that said, man, that's, you know, I'm back.
I'm back, and I'm just so thankful that so many people came out, man.
It just, you know it just really just blew my mind, man.
You know, and sometimes I think part of it is I just feel like I can't do enough to, like no matter what I do, it's not going to be enough to show my gratitude.
You know, it's like there's no way I can, I mean, I try hard, but it's like it's just tough.
It's like, how do I show my gratitude to all these people at one time?
So I just want you to know that thank you very much.
You know, and I care about the stories that I tell and I care about the performance and I had a good time, man.
And I hope that I can repay the favor to all of you guys for coming out and supporting me and just making me feel welcome.
And it's quick as one city to the next.
It goes.
You know, it goes.
And let me think of some highlights we had.
Ari got stuck at the gas station in somewhere, Wisconsin, and we left him back there.
We didn't know.
And a friend of mine was telling me that her husband left her at a rest area one time for seven hours.
She'd gotten out to urinate or whatever, and he thought she was resting in the back of the camper and took off.
And he left her there.
And she didn't have any shoes on either.
So that's pretty.
And it makes you wonder, well, what kind of guy leaves his wife at a rest area?
But then it doesn't make you wonder that much because I could think of a thousand guys that would do that.
You know, drop Susie off over there by the freaking by the RA.
But then it also makes you wonder, well, what kind of lady gets out of the rest area barefoot where millions of people are driving by sheerly to stop and urinate on the side of the road.
So it definitely seems like those people are, at least they know that they are right for each other.
I think that's an easy one.
Oh, I saw my Arch Nemesis in Detroit.
You know, my buddy, but also, you know.
Christopher uh He was in Detroit, man.
He was doing a college over there, and I got to go to dinner afterwards with him.
We met up.
And Blake Griffins, the all-star, he's a basketballer, you know?
And he's a very diverse man.
He probably have nine different ethnicities in him.
I mean, if you beat him open, the Olympics are inside of him.
You know, and he's just extremely diverse man, Blake Griffins.
And he, and he's tall, so we have to really get close to his food to eat it.
So it's very unique watching somebody of that stature, you know, come down to a little French onion soup or something or a little salad plate.
You know, but so even that was just a joy in its own right.
You know, I know I'm name-dropping, but just to watch a real tall person eat, you know, you don't get to see a lot of that.
It almost feels like a little bit like you're at the zoo when you get to see a real, real tall fella have to deal with even a little dessert in Blake Griffin's hands.
It looked like a little like a magic snack or something or like a it almost looked like a pill he would take in the morning and it was a muffin.
Like, dang.
So to watch a man of that stature is just very complex.
It's almost beautiful to watch.
You almost want there to be a sunrise in the background or something or the Lion King playing or something.
It's very, very unique.
But that was a fun moment.
I want to tell you this, too, that I got a show at the Wiltern in Los Angeles.
That's going to be December 10th at the Wiltern in L.A. And those tickets are going to go on sale tomorrow.
Tuesday, October 15th, those tickets will go on sale.
And that's tomorrow at 10 a.m.
Pacific Standard Time with the code ONWORD.
And tickets go on sale to the general public this Friday, October 18th at 10 a.m.
Pacific Standard Time.
And that show is for December 10th at the Wiltern in Los Angeles.
And there's no VIP for that show, just general tickets.
And it's going to be an awesome night.
I'm hoping to have a couple special guests pop onto the lineup with me.
So thank you guys for supporting me.
As well, the Oxen Hill, the Maryland show and the Sayersville, New Jersey shows.
You'll get updates about those this week, locking in some dates right now.
Yeah, it's kind of sad to be doing, like some of these shows, it's like the last time that I'll do these jokes on stage.
You know, it's kind of crazy.
I don't know.
It's like almost like having, you know, you have these bits and you, you know, you have these stories and you, I don't know, I care about them.
You know, I like telling them.
You know, I'm grateful that, you know, I lived enough of them and was able to put them into some type of place, you know, or shape that I could present them to someone and have them be enjoyed.
You know, a lot of people come out and you see, you know, you see a mother, they had a mother and son that came out this week.
And it just, man, it makes you feel good.
You know, and sometimes even it's like it's like, it's been hard for me this year to really feel a lot of stuff.
I've just been so almost busy.
Too Busy to feel and not like I want it to be that way.
It's just, you know, it's just been, I don't know.
It's just been a new experience.
It's been a new experience of like being having this much work to do.
And just thank you guys for your patience while I figured it out and just continue to learn.
And I don't know, man.
I don't even know what I'm saying, really.
But I don't know.
It's been kind of a scary time.
A lot's changed this year.
Um...
Thank you.
And it's weird because it's like I don't want it to change.
And maybe it hasn't.
Maybe I'm just feeling different on the inside or feeling strange or something.
I don't know.
But, you know, it's definitely exciting to have more of an audience.
But it's also, it's a little spooky.
You know, it's a little spooky.
Because, I don't know, you just want to do.
You know, you just want to treat people right.
And, yeah.
And so having people come out, it's like, I almost wish that I could be the concierge or the, you know, the usher, right?
When they walk into the theater.
I could be the person that welcomes them at the door.
I could be the person that sits them down.
I could be the person that takes their order.
I could be the person that, like, I want to be all those people, you know, I think.
I want to be able to, I want to be able to make sure that it's a good experience for you.
So sometimes I just feel all this, and I know that that's impossible.
So it's this crazy like thing that my brain or that my alcoholism makes up.
And just, you know, I have one of those brains that will always kind of make me feel bad about stuff or make me feel like I'm not doing something.
You know, I got that dirty brain.
I mean, if you looked in my brain, there's definitely, there's a couple sandbars in it.
There's probably a clay bank.
I bet there's a bit of a compost heap somewhere near the back.
There's definitely some birds kind of doing sex off to the side, probably.
Sex birds, you know.
A couple penis pigeons over there catching it.
But so, but yeah, I mean, just dude, the touring happens so fast, it's like people are like, oh, did you get to do this in the city?
Dude, I didn't get to do anything.
You know, I had two days in Cleveland were like my biggest time of peace.
And one of them, I got to go to CVS because I had to get some monoxidil to keep my hair.
And the other one, I did a yoga class there as well.
So yeah, you just, because you get to the place, it's usually about three or four when you get into the next city.
And the camper was cool.
One thing about the camper, you know, you just kind of can kick your feet up, listen to some tunes, be alive, have a water.
They got a little refrigerator.
You could try to sleep, but if you sleep in the back of a camper, every bump you hit, it lifts you in the air about eight inches.
So it feels like you're just, like somebody's fucking you, but it's just, they're not.
It's just you bouncing.
It almost feels like the whole world is just fucking you kind of from the side, you know, or that's why I laid face down because I'm not, if I'm, because even after a while, I felt like the whole world is like kind of doing sex app at my butt or towards my butt.
So I lay face down so that, you know, if the world's going to fuck me, it's going to straight up do it at my face or do it at my front.
So I can kind of defend myself against it.
Because you're just in the back of that camper.
You know, that's the beautiful thing about this tour bus we had.
It has like kind of a camper vibe to it.
And so you go lay in the back, but every bump you hit.
And it, I mean, it was intense.
Yeah.
And what else?
I got some time to chill.
I'm getting my hair.
I'm getting re-hair forestation tomorrow.
So a lot of people are like, what do you mean, Bucko?
And that's where they take hair out of the back and they put it in the front.
So I'm going to get that remodel job again.
And this man, Dr. Kahan, over in Los Angeles, Dr. Kahan, I'm going to see him.
And I'm intrigued.
You know, like, you know, I just want to be preventative.
You know, I want to be preventative.
I like having hair.
I'm not ready to be away from my hair for the rest of my life yet.
I think I have like separation anxiety when it comes to hair and stuff like that.
So what else is going on?
I'll tell you this right here.
You know it.
That you got to tighten up your grooming area.
A lot of people's crotch, you see a man's crotch or whatever.
It looks like it's, you know, an Orthodox Jewish person or something, or it looks like a hippie.
You know, it's got the long hair.
You'll see a guy's wiener and it got long hair off the side, a sideburn off his nuts.
And it's got some barettes in it.
Come on, Bucko.
What are you doing, boy?
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A man told me one time he cornered me, actually.
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And he said, whenever you do trim your nuts, you pull the hair away and then you clip.
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Take care of your nuts, dude.
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What else is popping with me, man?
It's already the middle of October.
You know, when we stopped, we were in Wisconsin, which what a beautiful state.
I mean, just we were, you know, we really just, winter, you could feel winter.
You could feel this cold little man with a dirty stick kind of poking us in our butt and kind of, you know, jabbing at our beeholes a bit, you know.
A cold, cold little, kind of cold, wet little hitter.
That little, you know, you know, that pocapotamus, bro.
He was just jabbing at our freaking little nard hole.
And we stopped at a little pumpkin patch.
And it was beautiful, man.
They had fresh animals right there, newborn calves.
Fresh poop.
They had fresh animal poop all over.
You could step and ship for free.
That was free.
And then they had different pumpkins and different gourd choices.
Get you one, get you a little, you get a spoonful of applesauce, half a dime.
Half a dime for that little, you know, that little fruit scoop hitter.
And that's one thing that you got to love that about Wisconsin.
Only in select states can you pull over on the side of the road and have somebody scoop half of a damn, you know, scoop of pureed, you know, choice sweet produce into your mouth for half a damn dime.
I mean, and that's one thing you got to love about America.
And that's one thing I don't want to lose about this country.
You know, that's one thing I do not want to lose about this country is the ability to just stop on the side of a road and find joy.
And they had all kind of pumpkins, big pumpkins, small pumpkins.
They had the pumpkin patch, you know, and they got the big old one.
They got one off to the side as a little freaking needle in its, you know, in its carriage.
You know, because everybody's suffering some.
And just the whole, they probably had about 6,000 pumpkins.
And about 400 of them were special needs, it seemed like, or had, you know, emotional issues or something.
You know, some kid, they wanted the nice-looking one.
Some kid would pick kind of a little rescue pumpkin.
You know, the one, you know, it's kind of shaped a little, maybe like an S a little.
And it won't even stand upright.
It just keeps falling on its side.
You see a little girl go get that one.
Or you'd see, you know, some asshole kid would just go over and just kick a couple pumpkins, some complete asshole, some little Antifa kid or whatever this guy was or whatever, you know.
Little freaking vegetable Nazi or something.
You know, we just, but it was interesting to see and watch how the different children got the different one and what they chose.
Made me feel like, I don't know, just made me feel real human just walking around looking at vegetables with strangers.
And just nice to just be out in the countryside and just see.
I mean, in LA, you don't see anything.
You don't, there's no countryside.
There's no birds.
I mean, I don't even, I don't know if I've seen a bird here in almost maybe five or six years.
You know, except for the scooters.
So, my brain's a little warped.
But, oh, one city that really blew my mind, Indianapolis, beautiful city.
I didn't realize it.
I just, I'd never been, you know.
I'd only been to the airport and droven over to Bloomington.
But it was just, you know, we got some scooters and we're scooting around.
And the police, some guy had gotten hit by a truck or something.
He's laying on the ground.
And so I pull up.
I'm kind of peeking at him, you know, and just because I always wanted to see a body and see if you see something leave out of it.
You know, like at the end of a moment, you know, when at the end of life.
So this, and then some guys pull up and they say, hey, you know, gang, gang, bro, we're going to your show.
And they're like yelling at me.
I think they've been drinking.
They were nice guys.
And they're like, hey, dear.
And I'm like, and the guy's literally, some guy's laying there, just been hit by a truck and there's two police officers over him.
And it was just so awkward.
I'm like, guys, I can't yell over this guy if this guy's dead.
You know, let's move up about 10 feet and discuss it.
So that was probably, you know, that was pretty interactive, a nice experience.
What else?
I'm trying to think that was, oh, after the show in Indianapolis, there was a gang, a group of people outside of the venue waiting to say hello.
And that was really touching.
Because that was one show during the week.
I was really having a tough time.
And, you know, I was just having a tough time.
And I got outside and there was a lot of people there just waiting to say, hey, you know, and just good people.
A friend of mine passed away, actually, on Tuesday night.
And I didn't find out till Wednesday morning.
And it's nobody you guys know.
It's a guy who's struggled with addiction.
And, man, it just really broke my heart this week.
You know, it just broke my heart.
Just, you know, this dude, he was just a real, real loving guy, and he was just trying really hard to kick the habit and to get, you know, to get better.
And he lost.
He didn't.
You know, and I hope he's better now.
I hope he feels better now.
Wherever he is, it just.
It was just...
It was just sad, you know?
Because like addiction is something you, it's an individual thing, but it's a, it's a human condition that's, it's a sourness that's seeping into people.
And man, this guy, the most charismatic person that maybe I've ever met, this fella.
And he just couldn't feel how much people love him.
I don't think he could feel it.
And I hope he can feel it now, man, wherever he is, you know.
He's just a special dude.
So that, so that going into that day and that night, we stopped and got some bags, a couple bags of fluid, and just some tough, just, you know, some tough runs.
But let's get into some calls that came in.
You know, let me quit thinking about myself here.
And let me think about you guys and see what's going on in your world.
Thanks for being a part of this past weekend.
Gang.
Love you guys.
Take care of yourselves, huh?
Hey, Theo, this is Greg from Indiana.
So me and my friends went out and caught your show.
Dude, you did phenomenal.
I actually just wanted to call and tell you.
So I was at work the other day, and I've just been kind of in this like what at work.
It's not a bad job, but I just really want to get out of this.
I was catching up on some of your podcasts, and you said something like resonated with me.
You know, you said, nothing changes if nothing changes.
I thought about it, and I went home, and I applied for a job I'm probably not qualified for.
So I was like, I'll just take a shot.
And the next day, I get a call from them.
After the interview, it goes to the West.
She says she's going to set me up with in-person interview.
Never even had it.
They emailed me a few days later, and I got the job.
So now I'm going to be doing a job that I think I will appreciate more and enjoy more, and I'll be making double the money that I'm making now.
Gang.
Bro, that's awesome, man.
That's really great.
Congratulations for trying something new.
Yeah, it's crazy to sometimes think like, what can happen if we decide, I'm going to see what happens when I decide that I am qualified.
What happens when I decide for myself that I'm going to do something different?
You know, one thing, you know, Jocko Willink was in here last week, and one thing that's really been pressing with me That we discussed is staying motivated.
And I have been finding myself more motivated even when I do not feel like doing something to do it.
That my brain doesn't dictate how, my brain does not get to choose, my brain can feel a certain way, but it's not going to choose how I behave all the time.
I just can't let it do it anymore.
I'm going to have setbacks, I know.
But if I'm feeling bad, that doesn't mean I'm doing bad.
That doesn't mean I am bad.
That doesn't mean that I can't still take some action.
Because, yeah, nothing changes if nothing changes, man.
You know, we'll sit around forever wondering, well, what if I, you know, what if I was a dog catcher?
Would I be the best?
What if I was a, you know, what if I worked on that, you know, at an avalanche, you know, search, you know, searching for avalanches and predicting them?
Or, what is it called, a geologist?
Who would I, you know, would I be able to do it?
Would I, you don't know.
Until you say, yeah, I'm going to, you know what, I'm going to take action.
Nothing changes if nothing changes, man.
And I'm not preaching at you.
I'm just, I just want to remind you, because, you know, I've spent a lot of time in my life sitting around wanting things to change.
And not being able to make them change and not thinking I could.
And I wish somebody had told me that earlier sometimes.
That in order for something to change, there needs to be change.
I'm proud of you, man.
I'm happy for you, bro.
That's very exciting to hear.
And that makes me feel good.
You know, it makes me feel good.
And thank you guys for coming out in Indianapolis.
And I needed to hear that somebody came out and had a good time at that show.
Because that one and the Detroit one were the two this week that I felt, I don't know.
I just felt a little disconnected, man.
You know, I think it just breaks my heart sometimes that something like as beautiful as human beings or that were dying because of something as like dirty and preventable and
And sad as drugs and as addiction.
You know, it just breaks my heart.
It just breaks my damn heart, bro.
It breaks my heart.
And it just makes me want to work harder to be part of the solution in the world.
You know, it makes me...
Not even know if I can be, but just so that there's a chance that I can.
You know, it just makes me sad, man.
But knowing that there's people out there who are making changes and who are coming out and enjoying the show, that's exactly what I need to hear from me.
And thank you for sharing that with me, brother.
You guys be good to yourselves, man.
Gang, brother.
Let's hear the end of your call.
I'll listen to the end of it here, too.
So I just wanted to thank you, man.
You know, you inspired me.
I know.
And I makes you uncomfortable to hear sometimes, but you really did.
And you do that to a lot of people.
Keep doing your thing.
All right.
You have a blessed day, gang.
Gang, bruh.
You could tell, Indianapolis, one thing you could tell, man, a lot of really nice people there.
Probably the most just well-behaved, chill, not well-behaved, but just respectful kind of vibe out there.
Oh, here was one thing that was funny in Detroit.
The guy right up by the stage, security, he was listening to music on his phone, on speaker.
It was the most Detroit thing ever, dude.
It was like some rap music.
It was hilarious, bro.
All right, let's take another call that came in here.
The hotline, as always, is 985-664-9503.
And, yeah, I know I'm all over the place today.
It's been a crazy year, man.
This has been a crazy year.
You know, I think at the beginning of the year, I knew so much more, like, kind of felt like I was in my skin.
And some days these days, I feel like I'm out of it.
But it's an exciting time.
We got Halloween coming.
We got Thanksgiving.
This is a great time to be loving.
This is a great time to recreate a personal relationship with the feelings that I want to have more of in my life every day.
Let's take this call.
Here we go.
Okay.
Yo, what up, Bill?
This is Isaiah from California.
I was just listening to a podcast about you having a vision about your cops and how you guys are just hanging out and everything.
Yeah, thanks for calling, Isaiah.
I appreciate you calling.
Yeah, my funny, I was listening back to that part of the episode, and it was so wild that I was in Maui and I had a dream that my father was in, you know, and I hadn't seen him in so long.
Onward?
I just want to let you know, man, I lost my dad about five years ago, six years ago.
Well, my dad was murdered.
So I try not to.
Damn, man, I'm sorry to hear that, brother.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Onward?
To even keep track of it because it shit still hurts.
But, man, when I'm feeling down, dude, I get those same dreams, dude.
I'm just chilling and talking to him.
He's giving me advice.
And the crazy thing about it, too, is that when we're talking, dude, it's like real-life situations, shit that I'm dealing with, you know.
And I got two boys I need to look after, too.
So, shit, me being a father, learning everything, I got to talk to my dad sometimes.
And then when I go to sleep, man, I get to see him.
So all I wanted to say is, dude, you're not alone.
There's people out here going through the same thing.
Have a good one later.
Gang, bro.
Thank you for that call.
Yeah, there's some...
Thank you.
You know, our parents or our children.
People we care about.
Anyone.
You know, anybody.
Frederick Douglass or damn Lynn Bias or Mark Spitz or anybody.
Thomas Jefferson.
It's funny.
It's like how much, like, how close are we to the spirits?
And we don't even, we might not even know.
I mean, electricity existed and we didn't even know.
And it's such a huge thing.
I wonder if there's going to be another, like, oh, there's this field right here where they all are.
And how to access it is like this.
And we just didn't know.
We were too busy out here working with our hands on our outside instead of working with our spirit or something or using the hands that are inside of us, whatever those are, our feelings or something to access our loved ones.
Because it's, you know, we are, you and I, we are pieces of our father.
We're pieces of our parents.
They are technically still alive.
We are half of them.
So yeah, it would seem like the bridge for them to communicate would be decently strong.
And I just wonder if we just don't know of this whole entire other electricity that's around or that exists, that's this field where we can communicate with others who have gone before us and those who are going to come down the line.
Yeah, but it was beautiful, man, when I think back on it.
It was cool to see my dad just having, just being himself.
Yeah, just being himself, man.
And thank you for sharing, man.
And I'm sorry that that happened to your father.
You know, I'm really sorry.
I'm grateful you have a couple of sons, though, that you can be a father to.
And I bet it's really, really painful at times, but I bet sometimes you have a special inspiration that the rest of us can't experience.
Gang, brother.
Let's take this call that came in.
CEO Matio, what's up, brother?
It's Connor from Key West.
Hey, Connor, down there in Key West, and Key West is a real hotbed for, you know, a lot of homosexuality down there.
If you'd like to meet a man or woman and you are one of those and you want to meet the same.
Also, a lot of, they got a lot of unique birds down there in Sunburn as well.
Beautiful area.
Beautiful.
Let's hear more.
Thank you for calling, Connor.
How's it going?
I've just got one question for you.
Halloween's coming up.
And I was wondering who you're going to go as.
Me personally, I was thinking about maybe like a coke duck Cuban dude.
That's kind of funny sometimes.
Might not be, though.
Or I was going to go as my mom or something and freak her out.
Gang, gang.
Oh, that's an interesting choice.
That's a really interesting choice.
What am I going to go as?
You know, I thought about going as a crab, maybe a land, maybe land crab, something.
Not crab meat, but, you know, the living animal.
And I thought about, because I don't want to do like a wet crab because you have to wet, you know, I don't want to be like having to spray water on myself all night or do anything like that.
So I thought about a crab.
I thought about being a rocket, doing like a rocket outfit.
It's kind of where I am right now.
I guess I haven't really started to put too much thought into it.
But I do want to now that you brought it up to me.
You know, and this actually reminds me, this reminds me of a call that came in.
We're going to go to that now.
This call came in, was it last year or the year before, about a fellow in a Halloween costume.
And I ran into this guy actually in, I want to say it was Kansas City, maybe, but this was about him and about his father since we've been talking about fathers and stuff.
Let's go to that call right now.
Hey, what's up, T.L.?
It's Brad from Kansas.
Hey, I was listening this past weekend when you were talking about Halloween and how you love it.
Halloween actually used to be my favorite holiday, man.
I loved being able to put on a mask and just get away.
And everyone seems so happy, but my dad actually passed away on Halloween.
This will be the second Halloween without him, man.
And I'm just trying to understand how I get that back, you know, how I get that love for Halloween back because, you know, every time it comes around, I think about my old man and just what he's doing and where, you know, how he'd be proud of me, man.
Well, I'm sorry to hear that, man, about your father.
You know, it's a tricky deal, I think, being alive because it's not going to last forever, you know.
And I think you have a really unique opportunity I see here.
You know, your father passed away there on Halloween, and what you could do is you could dress up like your dad.
Have you thought about that?
You know, to really, you could be him.
And for one night on the 10, you know, for one night of the year, take him out and just, you know, enjoy the world as if you're him.
And I'm not saying go visit people and surprise people or something like that or stop by, you know, I wouldn't even tell your mother or anything like that.
I think this would just be something for you and him to have together.
But if you were to dress up like your father, you know, you maybe could drive by some of his old friends' houses or, you know, maybe drive or go by the school that he used to go to or something.
You know, take his spirit for a walk, if you will.
Because I think there's something special about Halloween.
You know, it's a time, you know, the way that the different chasms of existence and life and outer space and Mother Nature and Pandora's box, you know, and God's bonnet and all of that, the way they all fit together, it's very much like a Rubik's Cubes.
And a Rubik's Cubes is a shape that doesn't want to show you who it really is.
And there's something special on Halloween when all those, when everything kind of lines up and you can walk through from the beyond to the great beyond and to the before.
And you can meander back and forth like you're just in a big house party.
And time just kind of shows up and just, you know, it doesn't keep track of itself.
And a full moon comes out and there's wolves.
And it's a very, very unique time.
And it's a very much, it's just a water slide of just existence and possibility.
It's like the universe just like loses its memory for just a second and forgets where it's going for just a second.
And there's something special that can happen on Halloween.
And so that's why I think it would be very interesting if you maybe dressed up as your father and went out and about.
Now, if you wanted to get real fun with, you could stop by, you know, maybe an ex-girlfriend of his' house.
Or if he used to play cards with his buddies, you could set up a game and meet all of them and do that, you know, and really live it out.
But I think that would be a special way that you could honor him, man.
Wow, and that's pretty powerful right there.
You know, that's just, and I'm not saying it because, you know, I was talking about it.
I just, you know, it just, there's, I mean, it's just, we don't know if there's this other.
What if there's just such a fine line between us and those who have gone before us?
Just like a mirror, just a, we don't, they're just right there and we just, we don't have the map yet to access them.
You know, if we could just find a way to, I don't know, I feel like we're going to start to develop a lot of new senses.
You know, the fact that we only have five senses for such magnificent creatures as humans seems very limited.
I bet we could do more than five.
Let's take another call here.
And also, let me tell you that this past weekend is brought to you by Skillshare.
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When it comes to meat, you want to get that fancy meat.
You want to get that decent meat.
Look, I've had meat in my mouth that was real suspect, okay?
Especially over there in Pittsburgh, dude, down there by the stadium, dude.
You know what I'm saying?
I've had a couple cuts of chopped ham that, whew, man, I mean, I don't even know who they came off of.
Quality meat matters.
Even if you see an animal in the field, a cow animal, you say, damn, if they got its hair nice and stuff, you say, I'd like to have a steak out of that one.
You see another one over off to the side and he's, you know, he's barely, you know, making it through half of a cream soda or something that he's got Taped to his hoof.
You know, and he hasn't been brushing his hair and he also didn't finish school.
You'd be like, eh, that guy could keep his meats.
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So it doesn't matter what the meat is or what it's doing.
Sometimes you don't have access.
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I've got Butcher Box, and let me tell you this, I'm meated up to the gills.
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Get some meat.
And they got the meat, man.
Dude, my freezer is so meated out.
It's fun because I leave in the morning, throw some meat out, get home, be like, dang, edible meat.
But that's what I'm going to be for Halloween, man.
I think maybe a wet crab or dry crab.
Let's take another call right here.
What's up, Theo?
It's Zach.
Called in yesterday telling you that I was on my way to go talk to my girlfriend's father.
Oh, yeah, Zach was talking about you were applying for that job, man.
I don't think Cap Terra could help you find any solution to you had to ask that man for the lady's hoof in marriage, Paul, hand in marriage.
Onward.
Taking her hand in marriage.
This is my recap.
I felt like I should call back and tell you how it went.
You know, it went really well.
It was respectful.
The family, they complimented me a couple times, which was really nice.
Everybody needs that every now and again.
But yeah, he basically said that, yeah, I'm all right.
I've got his blessings.
So I ended up driving in Memphis, and I ended up driving back to Nashville where my brother lived.
My dad was there, and all of us kind of got a little bit smammered, you know, after it.
My dad was throwing him back.
My brother.
It was just a good time.
Good fellowship, good community with the boys.
So, anyways, man, appreciate you.
Keep it up.
Gang, brother, get out there, man.
You're going to make a woman a decent man.
Or these days, who knows?
You might have to wear a dress or whatever, and your wife might beat you.
But no matter what, you went about it the professional way.
You asked the daddy, hey, let me get that trim for life.
And dads, a lot of times, sometimes they know it's the right man.
Sometimes I've had a woman's dad say, hey, look, take this little bitch off my hands, you know?
And I say, whoa, brother.
I just met you, man.
We're at a 7-Eleven right now, dude.
You know?
So it's, you know, it's a unique...
Those little saltine crackers, you know, those little spoiled fruits.
But I'm glad that you got one, man.
And I hope that you guys find a little bit of love, dude.
I hope you guys tickle each other until you just bust all over each other.
Praise God, brother.
Thank you for calling in and giving us that follow-up as well.
Let's take another call here.
The hotline is always 985-664-9503.
Thank you guys for being here on this welcome back episode here, gang.
Hey, what's going on, Theo?
This is Griffin from Charlotte, North Carolina.
Thanks for calling, Griffin.
And man, Charlotte is a beautiful city.
And that Carolina Panthers team is doing well over there with Mr. Allen.
They got a new quarterback over there.
Mr. Keith Allen doing it, doing it.
Throwing it long and doing it and being wild and stuff and looking sexy as fuck, boy.
Sorry, that was a typo, dude.
Looking like he's playing well.
Sorry, onward.
The reason I'm calling is my girlfriend just recently broke up with me.
Relationship three and a half years.
Ooh.
I'm sorry to hear that, man.
That's a hitter.
Gang?
It's been about four weeks since she did it, and I'm having a real tough time dealing with it.
It's just hard to know that the reason she's leaving is partially my fault.
I didn't put enough into the relationship, and she gave me second chance after second chance.
And it's just real hard knowing that the one person that you want to be with doesn't want to be with you anymore.
And I was just wondering if you had any advice on how to deal with it.
Sorry, I'm getting joked up right now, but it's hard to talk about.
But I just needed to know if you had any advice on what I should do.
I appreciate it, man.
Love you.
Love you too, man.
Thanks for calling in.
Oh, man.
That's such, that's a that's a tough one.
'Cause you know you you know, especially if she says she's giving you these second chances and she brought it to your attention and you just kind of kept with some of your, you know, your behaviors.
I mean, some of the truth is that you just, you weren't ready.
You know, you can't be someone that you just can't be right now.
You can't do it.
It's impossible.
You know, you can't, you know, this, I mean, here's the thing.
It seemed like you weren't, you were not going to make any changes to make yourself fit with her.
You weren't going to, you weren't going to, it sounded like you were not going to do that.
You know, it wasn't happening.
And that's okay.
It just, it wasn't happening.
So it sounds like the only way that you guys would have a chance to fit together well is if, you know, you were different.
So I bet there will be a time where you will have another opportunity.
You know, I noticed that with love that's really strong or love that there's some real basis to, a lot of times you get that another opportunity.
You know, that person sees you deeper than you can see yourself.
And so at that time, you may be a person that can take on a relationship and take it on well and show this woman the respect that she deserves.
As much as you probably don't want to hear it, man, it's probably for the best right now if you're not able to be the man you want to be for her, that you're not with her.
Because then you would just be continuing to solidify the idea that she already has that you're not the man.
So now you get a chance to step away.
And it's painful, bro.
Dude, I smoked a bunch of damn freaking Newports.
I was blowing Newports, bro, laying on the port swing, and that fucking thing broke one night, and I had a damn glass of milk out there.
I was doing, you know, 1% in Newports and stuff.
This when I was really, you know, lift and heavy and doing steroids and stuff.
But I was doing 1% in Newports, and the swing broke, and I broke that glass, that milk glass, dude.
And a little shard of it came right up in between the boards on the little pallets on the swing and nipped me right in the ass, boy.
I mean, just my ass bled, brother.
My ass could bleed.
I remember that.
My ass could really, really bleed when I was younger.
But I think you'll have another opportunity.
And, you know, it's hard sometimes when people that we care about or that we kind of put us in our place a little.
You know, change is kind of scary.
Change is scary.
You know, but I think it can be good.
This is just, this is the toughest part of you're going through right now.
You know, that separation and all the comfortable, you know, you had things really the way you wanted them.
They were comfortable and, you know, and now, you know, it's funny when we don't treat someone right and then they're gone.
You know, it's funny that's when you realize how much you miss them, you know, or how much you cared.
And sometimes some of us are the type of people that somebody has to leave us for us to know.
So...
What?
I'm sorry that this happened, man.
I know it's probably not fun to deal with.
But just keep, just stay, just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
You know, everything will be okay.
Take care of yourself.
Don't be alone too much.
And this person loved you.
You know, this person cared about you.
So that's...
You're someone that people want to care about.
And I think you'll have another chance with this person.
I think you just got to let it play out.
I wouldn't put too much pressure right now.
I think.
But life is long, man, and the story has many turns.
So let's see if you guys, y'all might pop up in a sentence again.
Y'all might have a new paragraph right around the corner.
But whatever is around the corner, it needs to be new because whatever you were doing now is not working.
If you guys are just hitched back up now, you're going to be the same old dog.
So let this be a, you know, let this, it's going to hurt, but feel some of those feelings.
Feel what it feels like.
Feel what's making you think.
You know, and be brave in it.
Be brave in it, bruh.
Be brave in it.
You know, this is your Vietnam, brother.
Let's take one more call.
The hotline is always 985-664-9503.
You know, we're all just people just trying our best.
And I'm happy to be part of this group.
Thank you guys for supporting me.
What's up, Peo?
So I recently moved my boyfriend into this house with my parents.
Okay.
Risky move homeward.
We got a live together, but my parents helped me move him in.
And there was this giant hole in the bedroom floor.
This house is like all kinds of fucked up.
This hole is everywhere.
And this hole was particularly large and particularly deep.
And so my dad was trying to fix the hole, he texted and said, I found out that this hole is where the pastors used to shit and piss.
So now that I'm going to move in that house in a couple years, and I'm going to search in the fucking serproom where these people used to shit and piss.
There's that.
Never going to forget that one.
Pretty fucking disgusting.
But I just thought you should know that.
Maybe give me some advice on how to fucking forget about that.
So thank you for all you do.
Getting gang.
Well, I mean, it almost goes full circle because I was saying that one of the beauties of being outdoors is probably to be able to, you know, exonerate yourself of urine and feces wherever you want.
Be natural out there and just flow whole right under the yard or whatever.
I mean, what's going on?
What do you guys, I mean, who's shitting in their room?
What are you guys doing over there?
That's the first thing I would ask.
And what does your boyfriend have to do with it?
You guys move this guy in?
It kind of seems, this seems, you know, I think people have shit everywhere.
If you had a map or whatever, or if they had ghosts or whatever from bowel movements in people's urine, they'd be everywhere.
You know, a lot of people think that a lot of, dude, I'll tell you this story.
When I was a kid, dude, I took a little duty out of my diaper or out of my pants.
Probably I was thinking I was about seven.
Put it into my sister's pants, bro.
So, you know, it's you just got to do your best, really.
You got to do your best.
And yeah, fucking put some carpet down or something.
Jesus.
Dude, animals have been shitting everywhere.
Dude, a bear could eat you and duty you somewhere by this interstate.
And you'd be a little duty.
So it's, sorry, this whole story's got me.
I don't know what to do.
But I think, yeah, just pay attention.
You know, like, I just, I don't even know where to take this at.
But that's what I'm saying, dude.
Urinate outdoors.
What lazy bastard is just cutting a hole into the floor of their room and doing poops in it?
That's, I mean, that is lazy.
So hopefully you guys got a good deal on the house.
One more call here.
985-664-9503.
Thank you guys for being a part of my life today.
And thanks for not giving up on me on this tour when I went back out and I'd planned on doing the film, doing the movie, and then change the mind.
And I was just, you know, I'm just excited to get to bring this show.
A few more places, man.
We get to go to Europe and a few more reschedules here in the States.
And then it's going to be, I don't know, it's going to be a little bit bittersweet.
Onward.
Hey, what's up, Theo?
Beat to the Izzo.
This is Brendan from Wichita.
You know, that Wichita.
What's up, Wichita?
Yeah, I like it over there.
It's Barry Sanders country.
They have Barry Sanders Park over there.
And that's where he used to play football as a youth.
Onward.
Yeah, you know, need some help.
You know, my dad texts me this weekend.
I'm having a child.
And he said to him and his wife, who is not my mother, don't feel comfortable coming to the baby shower.
Because last year at a beer festival, my dad may or may not have tried to have sex with my girl's best friend who's putting on the baby shower.
So, you know, I told him, just be an adult and get over it, bro.
But, you know, just wanted to know your advice on what I should, what should I do.
Thanks, brother.
Take care.
I think you should invite him again.
If he says he can't make it, then let that be his choice.
Tell him you still love him and that you understand.
It's going to be tough, maybe a little, but now if he does decide to come, then you guys should do a game where he has to like, or somebody has to reveal a secret about somebody else in the room or something kind of crazy or, you know, like seven seconds in heaven or whatever it is called or do something, you know, put sugar in each other's mouths or something so that that way they have to interact.
I think that that would be fun.
Pretty deviant, but that should be fun.
Damn, your dad's a G out there, huh?
Trying to holler at your lady's friend.
Dang.
That's savage, brother.
But love can get us, man.
You never know.
Love comes in all shapes and sizes.
You know?
But, but yeah, he should not.
I don't know what he should do.
He did what he did.
So, yeah, you could tell him, hey, dude, man up.
If you're going to hit on her, at least come over here and hit on the fucking zygote that's inside of my wife's body for an hour and a half.
Because that kid needs some love as well.
So if you're willing to hit on Chandra or whatever over there at the picnic, then come over here and hit on this freaking big seed I got growing.
But damn, dude, that family sounds awesome.
I'll say that.
Man, you got to have some fun.
You got to have some fun in the family.
And people have been having sex since the beginning of time.
You know, those drawings on cave walls of people fucking.
So.
You know, so you know they were, you know.
But.
All right, man.
We did it, man.
We made it to the end of today, to the end of this episode.
You know, a lot of feelings out there, a lot of people going through stuff.
This is a time of year when there's a lot of spirits in the air.
When the leaves are changing, when we're changing, when there's opportunity to shift.
And we have to know, you know, is this something real that I'm grasping onto?
Is this just a ghost?
What's going on?
But I think one thing I'm going to try to do is just stay excited about it, whatever it is.
If the choices I'm making, if I don't know if they're great or I don't know if they're correct, at least if I stay excited and hopeful, then even if I'm going down a wrong path, man, I'll be excited while I'm headed down it.
And you throw enough joy on a wrong path, man, and it just might turn into a...
It just might turn into a damn staircase.
You know, it just might take you to a...
Might take you to the place where you, where you, where you, exactly where you need to be.
You know, might turn into a...
So I'm going to try to stay excited.
It's a good time of year to be excited.
You know, it's a good time of year to be forgiven.
It's a good time of year.
You know, there's things in the air.
There's other elements.
You know, the spirits are waiting right behind these moments next to us.
And we don't have all the passcodes and stuff yet, but they're there.
They're right there.
And that's pretty cool.
You guys be good to yourselves.
You deserve it.
And let's lead out today with a little Bishop Gunn, Alabama.
Music She was huddled in the back top.
Broke down at a truck stop.
She looked about as wild as the story she told.
Said she was a Christian, saving souls.
in Savannah and the lovers sending her to Alabama Had a dusty little boots Blind
hair, dark roots Says she got a hold man But I shouldn't be worried Though it seemed like she was in a hurry Higher than a junkie dryin'out in the slammer
Lord, I hope I don't die in Alabama Yeah, Alabama I hope I don't die in Alabama Oh, Alabama Well, they all seem to be just fine
She was happy I could give her a round.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
The answer may shock you.
Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
Sometimes I won't.
And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
You have three new voice messages.
A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else.
So great.
Aye, Suiar.
Easy to you.
Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.
Jermaine.
Hi, I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.
Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
Oh, no!
*BEEP*
I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.
Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
Second rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on YouTube, yeah?
