Subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts http://bit.ly/ThisPastWeekend_ Theo sits down with his favorite living comedian Bill Burr to talk about cancel culture, Antonio Brown, and Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, but definitely not the Mary Tyler Moore Show. Check out Bill Burr’s latest stand up special Paper Tiger available now on Netflix https://www.netflix.com/title/81060174 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This episode brought to you by Manscaped Get 20% Off + Free Shipping, with the code THEO at https://Manscaped.com My Bookie Visit MyBookie Online today and use promo code PAST for up to a $1000 First Deposit Bonus Skillshare Visit https://Skillshare.com/TheoVon for 2 months free ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Find Theo Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiEKV_MOhwZ7OEcgFyLKilw ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Producer Nick https://instagram.com/realnickdavis ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Music “Shine” - Bishop Gunn http://bit.ly/Shine_BishopGunn ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Gunt Squad www.patreon.com/theovon Name Aaron Rasche Adam White Alaskan Rock Vodka Alex Hitchins Alex Person Alex Petralia Alex Wang Alexa harvey Andrew Valish Angelo Raygun Annmarie Reilly Anthony Holcombe Ashley Konicki Audrey Hodge Ayako Akiyama Ben Deignan Ben in thar.. Benjamin Herron Benjamin Streit Bobby Hogan Brandon Brandon Woolsey Christian Coyne Christina Peters Christopher Becking Claire Tinkler Cody Cummings Cody Kenyon Cody Marsh Crystal Dan Draper Dan Perdue Danielle Fitzgerald Danny Crook David Christopher David Witkowski Dentist the menace Diana Morton Dionne Enoch Doug C Dusty Baker Eric Tobey Faye Dvorchak Felicity Black Gillian Neale Ginger Levesque Grant Stonex Greg Salazar Gunt Squad Gary J Garcia Jamaica Taylor James Briscoe James Hunter Jameson Flood Jayme Sta Jeffrey Lusero Jeremy Siddens Jeremy Weiner Joakim Joaquin Rodriguez Joe Dunn Joel Henson Joey Piemonte John Kutch Johnathan Jensen Jon Blowers Jon Ross Jordan Josh Cowger Josh Nemeyer Joy Hammonds Justin Doerr Justin L justin marcoux Kennedy Kenton call Kevin Best Kirk Cahill kristen rogers Kyle Baker Lacey Ann Laszlo Csekey Lawrence Abinosa Lea Rashka Leighton Fields Luke Bennett Madeline Matthews Mandy Picke'l Mariah Marisa Bruno Matt Nichols Meaghan Lewis Mike Mikocic Mike Nucci Mike Poe Mona McCune Nick Roma Nikolas Koob Noah Bissell NYCWendy1 OK Qie Jenkins Ranger Rick Robyn Tatu Rohail Ruben Prado Ryan Hawkins Sagar Jha Sarah Anderson Sean Scott Secka Kauz Shane Pacheco Shona MacArthur Stephen Trottier Suzanne O'Reilly Theo Wren Thomas Adair Tim Greener Timothy Eyerman Todd Ekkebus Tom Cook Tom Kostya Tugzy Mills Tyler Harrington (TJ) Vanessa Amaya Victor I tuck back and sit down to pee Johnson II Vince Gonsalves Vlog Master William Reid Peters Yvonne Zeke HarrisSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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I am, man, I'm nervous actually.
Today's guest is my favorite comedian, living, my favorite living comedian.
And so I'm excited that he's here.
He has a new special on Netflix called Paper Tiger.
And he has a podcast called the Monday Morning Podcast.
And it also comes out sometimes on Thursdays.
He's one of a kind.
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Bill Burr.
Shine that light on me I'll sit and tell you about stories Shine that light on me I'll sit and tell you about stories Yeah, you'll see.
You get too fucky And then all of a sudden, no's become yes out here.
And then you just feel like, you know, the first time you get yeses, you go, okay, to everything.
And then all of a sudden, you just don't have any fucking time.
And then you got to like dial it back and then try to find like quality.
But yeah, I just had to, I just took some dates off of the books.
I got a bunch of stress, man.
I was starting to lose my mind, I thought.
Oh, yeah.
No, it affects everybody differently.
So I just, yeah.
I just, this is a good thing, too, is just lie and just say you're not available that week.
I'm not in town.
Oh, I already had them sold and I had to take them down.
Oh, that, geez, I wouldn't put that on the podcast.
Yeah, they know.
They all know, yeah.
I still wouldn't do that.
Oh, because you don't know, you don't need bookers looking at that.
This guy's always, he's a fucking wild card.
Yeah, it was, man, it was a bummer.
It was, some of it was a bummer.
But some of it would just move the dates and I'll just feel better when I get there.
But I was just like experienced like a ton of stress, man, burnt out.
You know, I've been on the same tour for this hour for almost over a year now.
Dude, bands tour for like four years and then fucking go right back in the studio, make another one and keep going.
You got to toughen up, man.
Yeah, you're right, huh?
You know, what do I do?
Camouflage hat looking like a fucking backwoods guy, all tough and shit.
You can't handle doing your hour again.
I mean, come on, man.
Suck it up.
Fuck, man.
I think I need some blood transfusions or something.
I really do, bro.
I don't know what happens.
No, but it's not bad.
There's the other side, too, where you're getting run down and you don't listen to it and then you get sick.
So there's always that or work yourself to death, which I've seen a few people do in this business, literally died.
Yeah.
So there's definitely, you know, well, you're in touch with your feelings.
That's good.
Yeah, man.
I got too many of them.
I think if you beat me open, just a lot of feelings sometimes would come out.
Too many, you know?
I think I'm, yeah, somehow I got caught up in some of that feeling generation, you know?
Oh.
Just too many feelings.
What year were you born?
90. 80?
1980.
1980.
Oh, yeah.
You're the first millennial.
The first year of millennials was like 1980 or something like that.
I could see that.
Yeah.
I thought they were all like you had to be born like 2000 or later, but it meant like you were buying shit, I think.
That's all they care about.
You know, when do you finally have money that you can buy shit?
And it's usually around 18, I think.
So you would have been in 98. Maybe it's 82. I don't fucking know.
I think it's late.
Yeah, 80, I think, was still a little bit of like, there was still more like some, you know, heavy corridors.
I remember a lot of that.
You know, the corridors that were squeak and real heavy.
You had to get your brother to help you close it.
You know, I remember more station wagons, big, violent fucking station wagons.
Oh, wagons are awesome.
I love a station wagon.
I remember the motor opening the car and just seeing two pieces under there.
You know, that thing where you put the air filter in and mom would open that and go like this and then close it back up.
Yeah, air filter.
Yeah.
The air filter housing, I guess you'd call it underneath it carburetor.
Mom would open that up and close it and then just fucking curse my dad.
That was it.
Every time.
Oh, I think she was probably fucking with the carburetor.
Yeah, I think she was trying to.
Mom got an old cop car for a while and that was pretty cool.
And we would drive around at night and pretend to be cops and shit.
It would be like a fun thing we would do when we were kids.
And it had one of those lights on the side.
You know, it had like the little hand light out of the window.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, it did.
So you're supposed to take some of that shit.
I know you're not a diplomat.
Da's diplomat.
You got to take the badges off of some of the shit.
No, you can't have like police on the side.
And then I also don't think you can have the blue lights.
And in my state, I think you couldn't have those big searchlights either because they were afraid you were going to turn them on and blind other people as they were driving down the street.
I just knew people would just be assholes.
Yeah.
If they did.
I had a buddy of mine bought an old Massachusetts State Trooper bike and it still had the blue lights on it.
And it was funny.
He just thought it was the lenses.
So he changed out the lenses and he didn't realize that the bulbs were also blue.
So he had to take it apart.
I think he actually left them on.
For a motorcycle?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I never had a motorcycle, man.
What did we have?
We had some four-wheelers.
We had things that we just kind of people put together.
We had a guy, when I lived in Tucson, they had a guy who had a school bus.
He cut the top off of it and would drive it around.
A full, like, convertible.
Was it the full-size one?
Oh, yeah.
Now, did it have an option?
Especially in Arizona where you could maybe, you know, you ever see the Jeeps, they have like those tarp things you can put on the top so the doors are off and all that so you get the wind in your face, but you don't roast?
I would think you'd want that in Arizona.
Sometimes he would put like a tarp over it at night and stuff.
I think during like maybe, I guess the spring or something.
But I think otherwise it was just one option, open, you know?
So just cruise.
At any point, can I promote that?
I have a special out here.
Yeah, I was doing that.
I don't know where we're going with this.
I have a special out on that's streaming now on Netflix called Paper Tiger.
Paper Tiger.
That's right.
Dude, it was beautiful.
Was it awesome to shoot at the, what's the name of the place out of this?
Royal Albert Hall.
Royal Albert Hall.
No, it was amazing.
Yeah, because if, you know, even if I didn't know, you know, some of the people that had played there, the second you walked in there, you would know that some heavy hitters had been there.
So it was pretty intimidating the first time.
I did one show a year, like about nine months before I did that one.
That's what I was like, yeah, let's shoot one here.
And then the first show that I did there was really in my head a lot where I was just like.
So you went to kind of not run the hour, but you went to just get a feel for the venue first kind of?
I just wanted to do it.
Oh, you're just doing it.
And then when I did it, then the idea came about maybe do a special here.
And then I talked to Mike Binder about it.
Yeah, I know Binder, yeah.
Yeah, and he, you know, we smoke cigars.
So he's just like, he kind of did it, I think, because he wanted to smoke a cigar with me in London, which is as funny as that is.
And that's how we ended up going over there.
But I've since watched all these videos that I'm kind of glad I didn't know all these extra.
I just knew Zeppelin was there.
That was my big thing.
The Beatles played there.
I even saw, I think, George Michael, they were doing a thing for AIDS or something?
No, for Linda McCartney.
Yeah.
She lost her arm, right?
No, she died.
Yeah.
She died.
Damn.
Yeah.
She died.
She lost all.
She lost it all.
She lost it all, yeah.
So they were doing a thing, and then he came out and sang like a Beatles song and then sang one of his songs and just like fucking crushed it.
And I was just like, I'm glad I didn't watch that before.
That might have made you nervous, yeah.
It looks like it.
Well, yeah, because it makes you feel like, all right, okay, he's doing that, and Zeppelin's doing that, and then I'm going to come in here with a bunch of dick and shit jokes.
Yeah.
And I took a tour of the place like years and years and years ago when I saw like the London Philharmonic was there.
Oh, yeah.
So playing all classical music.
So I definitely felt crass being there the first time.
But then the second time, the pressure of the special, I got to have a good set.
You can kind of fuck all that history.
Let me just go out and make sure I have a good time here.
So fortunately, it worked out.
And I think Binder, the way you shot it, put it over the top.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Some of the shots from the rear and stuff, but you can just see, it looks like your performance to like almost just an infinite amount of people at some point.
Yeah.
It's not as big as you would think, but it's very, it's big, but it's like really intimate.
It's like the sound is perfect.
It's, yeah, man.
It's something else.
I'll say that.
That's my loyalty.
Has been there.
Remember her?
Who else?
I bet they've had, it seemed like it, has that place been around for a couple hundred years?
Since the mid-1800s.
Oh, Jesus.
Yeah, some guy who was probably Prince Albert.
No, Prince Albert.
Dude, I love how you're just fucking reaching for shit here.
A couple thousand years has been around.
Napoleon.
That's an old guy.
Well, Prince Albert, I believe.
Prince Albert.
Winston Churchill?
I'm sure he did something there.
He probably smoked a stick there and talked shit about the Germans.
Yeah, no, a lot of people.
A lot of people played there.
It looked historic.
That's what it looked like.
Yes.
Yes.
So I had to make sure when we shot it that we just didn't do the, you know, the wham-bam way that they shoot so many specials, which I have avoided my whole career because I've always tried to work with people that really, you know, wanted to make something great.
Right.
Not just, you know, do the typical shots.
I worked with Jay Carris.
I'm like my previous three.
You told me about him.
He's great.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And he's like a pryor fan.
And that shot that he does, that single shot that you see that he does in the my previous three specials from the crowd is a nod to Richard Pryor live on the Sunset Strip.
It's literally a shot just for directors and if any sort of like prior fanatics would know.
Would catch it.
Yeah.
So I've always done that because I haven't liked how specials were shot for a long, long time, almost my whole career.
Like they would just, you know, and they look similar.
They look bad.
They look, there's nothing that captures who the comic is at all.
A lot of times the audio on the audience is so bad, it's like, why even have it?
Oh, the worst is when they put a whole bunch of them, when they would be doing a whole bunch of them.
Yeah, in a group.
And they just would crank out 10 of them, and then they would be taking crowd shots from somebody else's set.
It was just so gross.
The whole thing was gross and just not, it was just all for cat, for money.
The whole thing was just, oh, these are cheap to do.
Get the comedian out there.
He's already written the, you don't have to pay any writers.
He's already written it.
He's the performer.
Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.
They take advantage of you.
Well, I mean, they apply a very efficient model.
That's a good thing.
That's how they look at it.
You're not thinking of it how we think of it.
No.
And you don't think, I didn't think of it at the first special I did.
I didn't know.
I didn't know.
Now it's like, okay, I know I want directors that I know care about me, that want to make something great, and I want to have more control over it.
And I know I can put an audience in myself.
I don't have to spend half the budget paying some lady to get, you know, to guarantee a seating.
I got burned a couple times on that.
I got burned a couple times on that.
Like they somehow figure out what your budget is.
You could have $8 or $80 million and their budget's going to come in like two cents below.
We can shoot this special for $7.99.
And then they find out you have it, you know, not like you get $8 million, but say you had $8 million.
You'd be like, yeah, we did one.
What he wants, it's going to be $7.999 fucking million dollars.
And it's just like.
Yeah, they probably chips.
It's a crowd.
It's weird.
It's gross.
The way that it was.
Stand-up is such a weird thing where it's totally respected and completely disrespected.
It has this thing where it's just like when you meet people who aren't comedians, so many people say, oh my God, I can't believe you got the balls to do that.
I would never do that.
But whenever they show a comedian, it's always the worst like, hey, this guy knows what I'm talking about with like a lampshade on their head.
And we're just this loud, obnoxious, on-off stage, just, oh, my God, get this guy the fuck away from me is kind of how they do it, which I know because y'all are playing for laughs.
But I don't know.
I don't know.
So I just, you know, I've always tried to work with people that love it and want to try and make something great because, you know, if you get somebody that knows what they're doing, they can actually help the performance.
Or it can go the other way.
They can take something great and make it not so good.
That's why I think acting is so difficult because you're just so at the mercy of so many things.
Like you're not going to edit it.
You can't do the pacing.
What kind of music?
When are they going to cut out of this?
Especially like a comedy and shit.
It's just like.
It's real scary.
I feel like that's one of the reasons why I think acting is real scary to me because I really kind of I guess I kind of treasure the things that I do do comedically and so I just don't want to leave them at the at the whims of some other you know some guy who's been up for four to say you treasure what you do like literally your act you're worried that some big Hollywood director you can't take your comedic skills and say what the fuck somebody else wrote you treasure your act so much no the way that I present it man the way that I present it if I give somebody
something if I do something funny it's like yeah I'm gonna leave it up to some fuck tard that I feel like doesn't know how to best this dude is gonna be such a nightmare when he makes it I lie treasure these jokes how dare you this this what do they call it this is this is vulgar this edit is vulgar that is how it'd be too yeah but I think I have like a thing yeah it's like I don't like I have a tough time working I just think I have a tough time working with other people sometimes you know which is one of the reasons why I got into
comedy anyway you know I disagree well I would say get over that yeah get over yourself and get over that because there's a lot of great people in this business and you're gonna miss out and I don't know no you know what your loved ones will save money on the funeral cost because no one's gonna go so there's not gonna be too many fucking snacks they got to put together so I guess yeah I don't know I have a stuff I have such a tough time I think working with other people man which is one of the reasons
why I just do stand-up you know it's like that's the thing that I focus on mostly and podcasting because you get to do it yourself you know yeah I would get is that me sorry I would try to get over whatever social thing that that is yeah yeah dude if you're just by yourself all the time you're slowly gonna go crazy oh you start to go crazy yeah yeah well everybody's got a little bit of uh you know they got a little bit of overgrowth on that root or on that wallet you know and so sometimes you got to tidy up
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about a special didn't we nick about the special now but uh you want to go to a video question yeah let's do it yeah let's do it gang gang what's up theo what's up player i got a question from mr burrow recently said in another interview that he's uh close to a year sober i was wondering if uh you had any tips for uh recovering addicts um this question is coming all the way from newfoundland canada i'm uh recently
38 days clean dang hitter just at a facility hook a brother up let me know hook a brother up bill your boy right there uh well i'm not an addict right i'm an idiot right so i'm i've discovered with myself that if it's in the house i'm gonna consume it right i've said this in a number and that means sugar liquor whatever yeah if there's if there's a package of cookies i'm gonna eat it and i'm not just gonna take two yeah and do that moderate i'm gonna eat the
whole sleeve i did that with vanilla creams yeah yeah m's ice cream or booze cigars so i can't have if i don't have that shit in the house yeah i'm fine because the cravings usually come at night and then at night you're just like i do i ain't getting in the fucking car to go down and get whatever the hell i want so that's how it works for me so this guy i mean this guy just went to a facility 38 i mean that guy's like you know he's outside i'm playing touch football this guy's in the pros so i'm not going to try to give him advice
i am happy that that's what he's doing but uh do you feel different after a year or so like do you notice anything different of not drinking for a year or like yeah my cigar smoking went off the fucking rails yeah because then it just becomes like there's this way there's a thing that i'm trying to work past right now that i've noticed that through all of the shit that i've done through just food booze and uh you know cigars is every couple of days you
know or maybe even like once a day even just like through food like i want some sort of ramping up some sort of buzz you want an escalation yeah you want right and you can do that through just going to mcdonald's people who are like obese and shit like that that's their fucking thing yeah you can do it through anything i mean dude there's not i'll be honest with you this is me relating to fat people there's nothing better than giving into mcdonald's oh my god it's the worst afterwards but when you're in the fucking drive-through and you're pulling up like i am getting every fucking thing that i want here and
it's still going to be under 10 bucks and it's just going to greasy slide i mean when they give you that fucking and you get the fresh french fries not the ones that were laying there i mean it's just like and the latinos make the best fries too if you notice whoever's in the window whenever you're driving by dude if it's a latino in there fries are better 85 of the time really and that's something i notice but i will say this sometimes i talk to the person in the window to make myself feel a little bit better about the purchase do you ever do that like to kind of take the edge off of the fact that i no i have all shame
and the worst part is when i'm driving home is the grease and salt mixture on my steering wheel oh yeah from the fries you're just like oh god yeah The next day you wake up with the distended belly.
No, it kind of doesn't at first, and you think you got away with it.
And then somewhere in the afternoon, it just creeps in.
Oh, I don't have that yet.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, you don't?
Well, that's good.
That's good.
I've had it.
Something to look forward to.
But no, I think there's, yeah, there's definitely something where there's like a thing at, like, there's a certain thing in the evening that happens to me where it's like, I need to do something.
It could be booze.
It could be cigarettes.
Like, when I quit drinking, I had cigarettes.
I started smoking cigarettes.
But it's always something, pornography, dove chocolates, dark chocolates.
Yeah, you got to find, like, you know what fascinates me is like basically the first 16 or 17 years of my life when I never, I mean, I took a couple sips of my, you know, stole a beer here for my dad, but I never really went out and tried to get drunk until I was like 16 or 17. But I went for like a decade and a half.
Like I was straight edge.
You know what I mean?
But the thing was.
Oh, you told kids you were straight edge?
You're like, I don't drink.
No, no.
No, just started being a kid.
It's not like your first 10 years of your life, you're like, fuck, playground, man.
I need a drink.
And it's just not where your world is at.
And the thing was, it's Pandora's box.
Then once you catch a buzz, then it's just like, oh, man, this is this other kind of living.
And it's, it's, you know, I, yeah, I didn't understand that.
I was kind of using that as like a, I'm not saying I'm never going to fucking drink again, but I just, I, I had, I had to like, I kind of just had to like step back and just be like, all right, because, you know, the reality is I got a kid, so I just didn't want to be that.
I'm like, when you're drunk when your kid's around.
You're like fucking Lou Grant with a bottle of whiskey and the, remember that on Mary Tyler Moore show?
She'd have a rough day and she'd come in.
I don't remember the whole show.
I can explain it to you.
Yeah.
If I can explain it to you.
Fucking guy just bailed.
I don't know what that is.
All right.
No, I believe it.
I don't know.
I don't know.
And the second I started to explain, like, I don't know the whole show.
All right.
I get it.
I get it.
I believe it.
It's that comic ADD.
Like, I don't want to fucking, I'm not into it.
I don't want to hear it.
I got it.
Your show.
Go ahead.
Continue.
I remember.
All right.
Let's talk about old shows then.
We don't have to.
I just was, it was so funny how you fucking, you bailed twice on that.
Patty Duke, what about you?
You made me feel like an asshole like that was the 15th time I fucking brought it up.
Sorry.
No Mary Tyler Moore.
One of the great ensemble fucking cast of all time.
I do know she just died recently.
Yeah.
I mean, I was going to bring up a more positive story about the show, but yeah, it's the second time.
I bring up fucking George Michael.
What was it, an AIDS event?
Some sort of gay thing.
Well, I didn't say gay, bro.
But why did you say AIDS?
Because he had AIDS, man.
No, he didn't.
Did he?
Jesus Christ.
No, he didn't.
Well, people have been saying he did.
I think you are confusing it with gay.
No, I'm not.
I didn't know he was gay.
I knew that apparently he got AIDS in a park.
That's what I heard.
No, he blew a guy in a porter party and got busted for lewd activity.
And then, you know, he, you know, had a little fucking, you know, he liked getting a little buzz at the end of the fucking day, and maybe it got away from him.
I think that's what happened.
But like what I would like to focus on was how amazing his voice was and how talented he was.
And I played in this, performed and stood in the same spot that this guy did.
That's what the point was.
Not what he died of.
Oh, wait a minute.
And what happened in your life?
Who'd you lose early on?
You're really into death.
Well, no.
I mean, I remember listening.
You don't want to get to know Mary Tyler more because you're afraid she's going to leave you too?
I remember listening to George Michael on the school bus when I would go to school.
And I felt like, and I would always sit by myself.
Did you feel like you were going to catch AIDS by doing that?
Some sort of airborne HIV through the fucking radio?
I mean, bro, I was holding it up to my ear, you know?
I could feel my roofless school bus.
One of the windborne radio AIDS was going to get me.
Oh, man.
Do you think it's interesting that they can stop it, but they can't cure it?
And all those comics that have done bits about how basically the money is in the treatment, not in the cure.
And they kind of learned that with polio because it seems like they cured it, but they're not going to 100% cure it because they want you to keep coming back and get people on.
Yeah.
Which you know probably fuck with your liver.
Well, it seemed like that with everything.
I mean, it's like how some things are continued to be allowed to like, you know, like even with automobiles, like they can, sure, they have something that would be, you know, for years where it would just be so much less gas, but they just give you like one little piece every five years.
It's the worst.
It's so fucking stupid.
It's so short-sighted.
All of that shit that is happening is the number one fucking thing.
The number one thing as we're sitting there focusing on like these stupid like minutiae words, pronouns, bathrooms.
It's like, guys, none of this is going to fucking exist.
This is going to be like a Mad Max movie if, you know, and just watching these politicians, their hands are fucking bound.
They get paid such little money.
They're so it is.
And they're bought and paid for.
It's great.
I think these should have like, I'm trying to have like empathy for politicians as opposed to just all the screaming and yelling and then just, oh, you know, anybody with a red tie is the one who fucked, or the blue tie people, they fucked it all up, you know?
I think there has to be something, like, I guess individual citizens, I think the best way if you want to try to get something going is try to start something with your friends.
Because if you try to go through all of that shit in DC, like they always said, if you become president, if you're lucky, you get one thing that you wanted to get done.
If you're lucky, you just get like that one thing.
So I don't know.
It's too depressing to watch.
I don't understand news junkies.
Oh, yeah.
Why you would fucking do that to yourself and the fucking stories that they show.
My God, it's just like, I want to fucking see this.
It's all sad stuff.
Here's sad stuff that you can't do anything about.
And now you know it.
Yeah.
Enjoy yourself.
Try not to drink tonight.
Or go to McDonald's.
Don't go to McDonald's.
But do you feel like there was a time, though, when what makes me wonder is, was there a time when the news was ever credible?
Do you feel like?
It was more credible when they used to have, what was it, like rules of sevens back in the day where no one person could own a combination of seven newspapers, radio stations, and TV in like the same market because the worry was like, well, they're all working for the same guy, then what he thinks is true is what they're going to think.
And then they just kept deregulating and deregulating and deregulating until now it's just infinite.
So now you just have like two towers of their version of what's going on here, which is Fox News and CNN.
And both of them are ridiculously biased.
Yeah.
Oh, it's ridiculously.
It's not even anything anymore.
Yeah, well, back in the day, like the like the way they did it was the news guy, you weren't supposed, like a sports announcer.
You're not supposed to hear him.
You're not supposed to know who he's for.
Of course, every sports fan thinks they can tell, especially when their team is losing.
This guy fucking hates us.
So they would just deliver the news as it was.
Yeah, the facts, it seemed like.
Yeah, and there was a lot more of journalists breaking shit and bringing down like people who were really doing some bad shit.
Where now that's kind of all gone away where everybody's sucking the corporate cock.
So I think that that's why now they're going after like comedians and shit.
And I've always joked that if we bought ad time on Fox News and CNN, all of this shit would go away.
Yeah, well, I mean, at least it would go away there.
I'm not saying it would go away on social media, but.
Were you surprised at your special, that did you get a lot of notes on your special?
From people.
I mean, you're always going to get some.
Yeah, but I was more surprised that people tried to lump it in with the specials that they did, where it was just like, I mean, if you look at it musically, I mean, a country album is not a rock album.
It's not a rap album.
So it's like, it's all like different.
And my special, you know, I did some topical shit, but most of what it was about was me being an, trying not to be an angry asshole and pass this on to my kid and be a better husband and just realizing how difficult I am to live with.
That's what the main thing was about.
But most of the people that asked me the questions went for the same like hot topic fucking shit.
Right, like Me Too stuff, this and that.
Yeah, and tried to say that.
Which was, you know, that whole thing was fucking.
Because LA would say, you know, it was pretty harsh and blah, blah, blah.
It's like, oh, what?
The part where I said it happened to me and no one would give a shit because I was a guy.
Like they didn't even fucking, you know, they didn't even ask questions about that.
It was all just like.
They just want to create, it's just all about creating more stuff.
Well, no, yeah, no, it's, it, they're hacks.
And what's funny is, is if I told, who the fuck did I just, I think I just said this on Rogan.
Like, if I, if I said the same 10 jokes you said and you said the same 10 jokes everyone, we would be looked at as the worst fucking comics out, just hacks.
Okay, but if you're a journalist, for some reason, they can all ask the exact same five to ten questions.
And you just want to be, don't you have any pride in what you do?
Don't you want the person that you're interviewing in to be like, wow, man, I know many ever asked me.
That's a great question for them to enjoy it as opposed to rolling their eyes like, fuck this again.
And just, I had a guy started an interview and he goes, he goes, don't be alarmed by these questions.
I actually liked your special.
And then it was just one fucking.
Fuck him.
I mean, not, yeah, but I'd never take it to fuck him.
It was just like, it was just disappointing.
It was just like, oh, God, this again.
Well, it's just no integer.
It's just like, there's no individuality.
It's.
Well, I think what it is is because there's so much shit to look at there that you have to go with controversy just to get people to stop.
So you get clicks on your website and then there's like advertising hits.
And the dangerous thing about that is when that's where you're steering the ship, you're going to go at somebody who didn't do anything.
Right.
You know what I mean?
And eventually you could get them caught up under the fucking farming equipment, which has happened to a number of comedians who got caught up in the fucking wake of that Weinstein shit.
And just to watch all of these so-called social justice warriors to sort of just collectively turn a blind eye to that because they're so worried about losing this hold that they have.
Do you feel...
I mean, that hold, I feel like, is...
It's like...
No, I think that it's just adjusting to where it needed to go.
It probably had to go past, it had to go into like a witch hunt phase.
And it's going to adjust to now that if somebody does something like that, that someone can say something and then it's fine.
That's not fine that the person did it, but they'll be able to, oh, this is what this is.
We know what this is.
Let's investigate this.
Let's find out what's going on.
Blah, blah, blah, blah.
They'll be like, I feel like it's going to a rational place where it was totally irrational before.
Agreed.
And then it blew past rational and went all the way irrational on the other side.
Yeah, which is how, you know.
And then it's, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's going to end up in a comfortable spot.
Yeah, I mean, there's just no empathy.
It's a lot of times what gets me is like social justice, like that, like this whole like judgment.
There's the same people that will say like we need people to have space to learn and space to be themselves and figure out who they are.
But then there's no empathy for anyone when it comes to like a word or a statement or something from a decade ago.
Or yeah, and when you go back in somebody's past, it's like you're not trying to find out who they are.
You're going back to find the mistake they made.
And then that mistake is who they are.
It's like everything else that you did.
You could literally be a fucking Eagle Scout, you know, playing free shows at an old folks' home and helping out veterans and all of this shit.
But one fucking time you did X, Y, and Z, that's who you are.
And you know, I just wish that they would like, you know, if somebody does that, hey, we're going back 15 years.
I think we should go back 15 years in this person's life.
It's like, okay, as long as we're cool with doing it to you, too.
Let's go.
Mano Imano.
Yeah.
And then we'll find them.
There's no fucking way.
You can't go back in anybody's life.
Dude, you can't go back 15 months in my life and not find somebody that doesn't fucking like me or I said something that I shouldn't have fucking said.
It's just like, it's inherent.
Oh, I've seen a meme today.
That's fucking.
But everybody does.
There's these fucking assholes driving around like they're these perfect people.
It's like, no, you just don't have a podcast.
Yeah.
You know, but this is the funny thing: is all these fucking people are getting like this home security and all this shit where you can see like the fucking thief and all that.
They're going to be recording themselves and they're going to be saying shit in their fucking houses.
And all these regular people, you're going to find are just like anybody else in the public eye.
Like you, you make jokes.
You have the way that you joke with your friends.
Right.
It's normal.
Yeah, you know it's a joke.
They don't know it's a joke, but then they hear your private conversation.
They try to take out sex.
First of all, this is a private conversation you shouldn't have been listening to.
Yeah, there's no context.
That's the problem with all the social media and everything.
That's a problem even with like, is like you can see something even on Facebook or anywhere and you see something and you just see that clip, that bit, and you're like, it gets a reaction, but you don't see the timeline.
So you don't have any context of where it plays.
And so then people constantly react.
We got a kid laying in his bed right here who sent this video in.
He had a question.
It's related to all this.
All right.
What up, Theo?
Love the podcast.
What up, Bill?
Been a longtime fan.
I'm sending in this video directly from my bed with an open-ended question.
What do you guys think of that comedian, Shane Gillis, that was just like, go from SNL?
Or really just, what do you think of the situation in general?
Thanks, Gang, Gang.
And you guys commented on this on David Spade last night.
Was that last night?
Yesterday?
Yeah.
No, I think I just answered it.
I don't think it's fair.
I wouldn't want to be judged by one thing that I did.
Yeah.
You know, 10, 15 years ago.
So that's personally something I wouldn't do.
I would never do that to somebody.
Right.
And it says a lot about you as a person that you went out and did that to him.
I mean, I don't think, you know, I mean, especially like as you're starting out as a comic or you're like, you're riffing and stuff.
It's just like, dude, I got a bit in my eg right now.
That like the first time I told it, two women screamed at me and walked out and fucking then waited to tell me go fuck myself and all that.
And I got into them with the, you know, and then I honed it and I honed it and I honed it.
The other night, same fucking joke, this woman came up to me.
She says, oh my God, I feel like you were talking about my life.
And it's just like, you know, so what am I though?
Which guy am I?
Am I that fucking guy that made the two women get fucking mad?
And then I told them to go fuck themselves and then they yelled at me.
You know what I mean?
Are they better than I am?
You know what I mean?
I just don't, I don't get how that works.
Well, yeah, I just don't see how there's no long-term value in it.
It just ends up with a witch hunt where we all cancel everybody.
And I also think SNL was getting shit for never having an Asian cast member.
So then he said something about Asians and then they had to look past their own bullshit.
They're bullshit.
It's like if he gets canceled, why doesn't SNL get canceled?
It took him 40 fucking years to finally cast somebody Asian.
That's okay.
But this guy's been here forever.
And this guy says one fucking.
And then he's done.
And then that's who he is.
Forever.
Yeah.
And this thing, I don't know the guy, so I don't know who he is.
But I'm not going to just watch fucking an A second clip of somebody on a podcast and be like, okay, I know who that guy is and whether or not he should.
And then forget about the fact that like how the punishment works.
Like I think how the punishment works as far as being a stand-up comedian is if you sell tickets and you're actually going to make some money, you should never do stand-up again.
But if you're not going to sell tickets, it's okay for you to start a career as a comedian or continue flailing as a comedian.
It doesn't even make fucking sense.
None of it does.
But like I said, I think it's adjusting back, but it's going to take some balls on corporation side to not give into this shit.
Right.
And why not?
Because I can tell you this, because God forbid, one fucking nickel rolls out the fucking door for an hour.
God for fucking bid, they don't give a shit.
It's all about their brand and keeping this fucking thing going.
I mean, I get it to one level, we're not going to let one person fucking destroy a 40-year march.
I get that, but I just think that how quickly they just cut and run.
But just to stand up and say, hey, look, we understand, we're a company that understands that people are people and we all make mistakes and we all do things maybe out of context from 15 years ago in our life and we're an understanding company.
I think the thing that they then let this guy go because of that is now you're validating that there's one bad thing is who this person is.
And now he has to fucking carry that.
Like that's going to be like his thing.
And it's just like, it's, it's, It's horrifically not fair.
That's not fair to the fucking kid that did that to him, whoever started that, it wouldn't be fair to do it to that person.
Because there's no fucking way you can't go back and do this to someone.
And imagine, like, what if that kid's supposed to be, Shane Gilles is supposed to be one of the best comedians ever?
What if he, you know, that's his, what is his destiny, you know, or he's supposed to do something novel and you also grow.
You also grow the more you travel if you have your fucking eyes and your ears open.
Oh, yeah.
That's the best thing about traveling because then you have friends, you have frames of references, and then shit that people say.
And it's funny, then you go back to your hometown and the shit that people were saying that was making sense.
Now you can step back and be like, that's not right, or that's not cool to say that.
Oh, I remember the first time I went to Africa, man, I was like, holy shit.
I had no idea that like other countries, I mean, I knew they were like real, you know, from books and from like the globe, but I didn't know they were real from until I went there and put my feet on them.
No, but I know what you mean.
You know what was great?
It was so fucking mind-blowing is when you go to Asia and you go there and because they don't pay attention to it other than this fucking horse shit where we're trying to start wars with people.
You go there and it's like, it's literally like you went to another planet.
You show up and it's like they have their own pop stars, their own airlines, their own, it's exactly like here, completely different.
And it's just like, oh, this is their CVS.
This is their something.
And it's just, it was the fucking coolest thing.
And, you know, there's different like cars like that they just don't put out here in the U.S. Yeah.
Like they'll have like a couple like Peugeots like a big thing like I kind of saw when I was over there.
But like that was sort of the thrill of going over there was watching, like, all right, and like you get like, who's their guns and roses?
Like, who makes these fucking people go crazy and like their ACDC and all that shit.
So I really got into the music when I was over there.
I couldn't understand what they were saying, but like, but the energy.
But just like laughing, watching it.
And then you'd see the way the person was dressed and how the crowd was reacting.
Is this China?
Where was I?
I think this was Singapore, Hong Kong, Mumbai.
But the whole thing, just traveling through all of it.
Right.
Oh, Mumbai is beautiful.
Yeah.
And Singapore Airlines, where they still have like the hot chick fucking stewardesses, which for some reason that became like this asshole thing.
Dude, it's the greatest thing ever.
And they all, if you watch them in the airport, they'll move like a school of fish almost.
They're all in a group in formation.
They're all in like, it's like a young, beautiful military day.
I know.
And you're just sitting there like, it makes you happy to be on the airplane.
God forbid.
Yeah.
God forbid.
And then people just sit there.
Oh, my kids, she has to be beautiful.
Yes.
I mean, that's fucking part of nature.
Yeah.
It's nature.
People are trying to act like that isn't a fucking thing.
Anyway, so.
Oh, nature is a thing.
But here's the thing.
Before I fucking travel, before, you know, did 20 years on the road and then fucking go there, like, shit to me that was like factually acceptable, joke acceptable, and all of that was just, you know.
It adjusts.
Yeah.
Yeah, it adjusts, man.
So I didn't realize how many people, like, I grew up in a small town.
Like, we just had, you know, it was like probably maybe 70% white, 30% black, and it was pretty poor town.
And I remember going to Africa.
It was the first country I ever went to.
And I was like, holy shit.
It's a continent.
It's not a country.
Yeah.
And I remember thinking, holy shit, dude, all these people are going to be in heaven.
That's what I never realized.
And I was like, fuck, because I'd always pictured heaven like just the people from my town were going to be there.
And then I remember going to this place and being like, holy shit, man, what are we going to do now in heaven?
It's going to be packed.
That was my first thought.
Do you believe in heaven?
Yeah.
And I thought, well, when we die, dude, it's going to be packed.
And so then suddenly I had all this anxiety, like, you know, like, I guess not anxiety, but just like, you know, like, fuck, man, now I got to rethink, you know, what my afterlife.
Yeah.
And so I was like, yeah, rethink.
Is there a room for Africans in your afterlife?
And there's a lot of room for them.
You got to see how many are coming.
Or you got to see how many are coming.
But then I went to India one time and I saw like some kids there smiling and playing.
And dude, to this day, I've never seen as much joy come out of like a group of kids than for some reason just like.
I had a great time in India.
They were like friendliest people.
Well, they were ball breakers.
I was really amazed at the sense of humor that was over there because that's not something you hear about when we talk about India.
We talk about the food, we talk about the religion, caste system, the sacred cow, all this hacky shit, the style of dress.
But they never talked about the people.
And I got there and they were really, really funny, like just ball breakers.
Like the comics broke balls.
It was really, really funny.
And it was, yeah, that was a great time.
It was just a little scary to go to as far as like when I got like a, I had to get a work permit to go there.
And then when I went there, I had to get them to sign a piece of paper so it was okay for me to leave.
And I didn't like that at all.
Like almost like checking in for school or something.
No, I had to go to like this fucking embassy thing and they wouldn't let the promoter come in there.
And I was sitting there with some chick from Afghanistan and we're both looking at each other like, are they going to let us out of here?
One of us.
And there was like, you know, when they do this thing where they don't, when you ask them a question, they don't nod yes or shake no.
They do this shit.
It's like, because I was like, all right, so I got this piece of paper.
I'm doing my show tonight.
And then I'm going to the airport and I'll be able to get out if I show them this.
And she was just like, oh, yeah.
Doing this.
It's like, lady, I'm on the other side of the fucking globe.
Yeah.
Do you guys own me now?
What's going on here?
Am I in that fucking, when that guy taped the drugs to him?
What the fuck was that movie?
I don't know what the fuck it was.
Women in.
No, this is before you were, this is when you were real young.
Midnight Express.
Oh, yeah, I haven't seen that.
Yeah, you guys don't know that.
With Tom Hanks?
Just file that under Mary Tyler Moore.
Yeah.
Oh, that's Polar Express is what I'm thinking of.
Yeah, Polar Express.
Anyway, it was, yeah, that was the only part of the trip that I didn't like.
And it was, I found out that it's harder for people who lived on the West Coast to get out of there than on the East Coast, which means some senator said something or did something and fucked with them.
So this is their political fuck you back.
Wow.
Yeah, because there was some, I'm not good with the name, some beautiful pop star American, like one of those Nora Jones, you know, piano playing gorgeous women.
She went there and she couldn't get out is what the promoter told me.
So I was thinking like, all right, if they don't let somebody who looks like that get out, there's no fucking way I'm getting out.
So what was good was I had a red-eye flight and I showed up and I handed the paper and the guy was fucking doing this shit and I just gorilled my way through.
That middleman, yeah.
And I was just like, dude, it's the paper.
I have to go.
I got to go.
and he was like, he just fucking stamped it.
And then I felt like I don't.
I like when I land at another airport and get on a different fucking plane.
We were connecting in Dubai and I was just like, as we were on the tarmac, I felt like I was in that Ben Affleck movie, that Argo.
Yeah, Argo, yeah.
Like some of the Jeeps were going to come along the side.
So once we took off, I was kind of okay.
And then when we landed in Dubai and we switched over to Air Emirates, which I swear to God is one of the most insane fucking planes I've ever seen.
I've seen pictures online.
I've seen one.
And I used my Sky Mouse.
So we were like sitting up top first class.
So when I got in there and I went to go to the bathroom and I went in the back, there was a fucking bar that you could stand up while the plane was going.
It was like a semicircle.
It had enough for like six people to stand around.
So I came back.
I said to my wife, I go, Nia, come on back here.
She goes, for what?
I go, come here, I got to show you this.
And she's like, what am I going to fucking look at the bathroom?
So we come walking in and she saw the bar.
I said, I'd like to buy you a drink.
So then we sat down on like this bench that had like this giant seat.
I think I can't tell.
No, it must have been individuals because what if you sat down with some stranger?
You wouldn't want to do that.
But I remembered it as one big seatbelt.
But we just sat there on a bench and I was just laughing, acting Like I didn't know her, and hitting on her in like a run burgundy kind of way.
So we were just cracking up, and it was just this fucking awesome flight.
That was such an amazing trip because we started in LA, went to Australia, did a whole run there, went to New Zealand, then Singapore, then Hong Kong, then Mumbai.
Wow.
And your wife went with you the whole time?
Yeah, before I had a kid.
And then we connected in Dubai and then flew to New York.
Then I did some gigs there and then I flew.
So I literally flew around the world on that.
So that gets back to you, who are like, you know, Africa exists, but you don't know how it exists till you go there.
Oh, yeah.
And that was the thing where like flying, it's just like, yeah, it all exists.
Or this is like, you know, Steven Spielberg, they paid him to come up with some sort of like scenery shit and give you the sensation that you were flying.
I don't know.
Yeah, I don't think they can do all of that.
I think a lot of people get in all that, the flat earth and this and that, but I don't think that that's really – I think there could be something going on.
That's too easy of it.
As far as what?
As far as them making people, like getting people to act and stuff in Africa and getting people, I don't think somebody's like making, you know.
I thought you were talking about flat Earth.
Oh, I don't think somebody's blowing up.
You would literally have to have the world scientists in every single country get join on the same lie.
They can't do that.
But if they were able to do that, then all these wars are a lie then.
Yeah, they can't do that.
By the way, how much longer are they going to keep saying like Iran did something?
They're just forcing us into that.
How the fuck are we going to pay for that?
Every other day there's an article.
I don't know.
I think they want us to go bankrupt.
They don't fell down in Saudi Arabia.
We think Iran did it.
You know what?
That's a reminder.
Remember that great Bill Hicks bit where he was like the pick up the gun?
Uh-uh.
Oh, God, you got to hear that one.
He's a reference to a Jack Palance movie, which you don't know, and you probably don't give a shit.
I remember Barnaby, no.
Barnaby Collins, remember him?
Barnaby Jones?
Yeah.
Barnaby Jones.
No, that's the one I didn't watch.
Fuck.
Oh, it was good, man.
Buddy Isles, Maddox, Y50, the original.
Buddy Ebson, remember him?
Buddy Ebson, no.
I think he played Barnaby Jones.
Real hitter.
Who's this right here?
Oh, Antonio Brown?
I would love to get Bill's thoughts on Antonio Brown.
This is him farting in the face of the doctor.
Yeah, this is unbelievable.
Oh, God.
He farted fast, too, I heard.
What's in his face though?
Those are body builders.
This is pretty fickle.
Oh.
I gotta stay away.
My bad.
Damn.
No, I should eat.
I had a lot of fight.
I feel like that was a little overblown, but that was just one more in his series of incidences.
What are your thoughts on him joining the Patriots?
I think he's a great player.
Paul Verzi had the best take on that, I thought, where he was wondering if some of the concussions – You know, in the first half of his career.
And then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, there's all like this erratic behavior.
I'm not talking about the big ego stuff.
Yeah, there's more of a circumstance.
There's a lot surrounding him.
It's like Kanye.
Yeah, I don't know what's going on with that guy.
But be honest with you, he was always on the Steelers, so I didn't really watch a lot of his interviews, but I just don't ever remember him having much of a problem while he was with Pittsburgh until the end.
Then all of a sudden it just became like this thing, and then he goes to Oakland.
He has a problem with the helmet or something like that.
I don't know.
I don't know, dude.
You know, I got to be honest with you.
I really don't think any of that's any of my business.
I don't know why people post shit like that or he wants to post it.
I don't give a shit.
I just want to watch the game.
And if this guy is a good guy and he's going to be great and he's going to win with the Patriots, I hope we keep him.
And if he's, you know, a knucklehead or did that shit that they're suggesting he did, then, you know, you get rid of the guy.
It's as simple as that.
But like, I don't get into the fucking real housewife aspect of sports.
I don't give a fuck about.
Right.
That's not who that is.
That's not what we're there for.
Yeah.
I want to watch the game.
I don't want to sit in a fucking tailgate fucking parking lot talking to some asshole about like somebody's what the fuck.
Did you see what he did in the Dairy Queen?
It's like, I don't give a fuck.
Isn't that for the local authorities?
What am I going to be some gumshoe here now?
What do you think about the scandal?
Yeah, it's like I'm a sports fan.
I don't think.
I just fucking watch this shit and react to stuff that has nothing to do with my life and I enjoy it.
I'll tell you what, you got to get into.
You got to get into motorcycle racing.
You got to get into Moto GP.
Really?
That shit is the best fucking racing out there and these guys are out of their fucking minds in a great way.
Do they do it here in the U.S. too?
They have one race a year.
I'm going next year in Austin.
They have one Formula One race here.
Sure, I'll go, man.
The same place.
I'm fucking going, man.
Like every race, it gets down to the final lap.
And they pass each other like three or four times.
And they're on a track.
Oh, wow.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
My niece does dirt biking, but.
Oh, that was Andre DiVizioso, number four in Mark Marquez.
That was in, what the fuck when was that one?
That last lap of that fucking race is insane.
Wow.
This is every last lap from 2019.
Oh, it is.
Yeah.
It's insane.
You don't get this in Formula One because once Lewis Hamilton gets in the front, you can take a fucking nap.
It's over.
Look at that shit.
The Ducati's going trying to get past the hunting.
Fast on the straightaway, they go over 200 miles an hour, and I think they're doing like 70 or something in the turns.
It's fucking insane.
Wow.
That's bald.
Yeah.
Dude, you have a lot of hobbies, Bill.
I get into shit, man.
You have a lot of things you like, dude.
I need to get into it.
Look at these guys.
That guy with the white hair.
Yeah, they are.
That's Italian right there.
Yeah.
You can't have that much love in your fucking arms if you're not Italian, bro.
Yeah.
Well, no, they all.
Look at that.
Look at those guys.
Yeah, it's like they're on a fucking horse and they're like banging into each other.
See, now he came on the brakes too late there, so he went too hot in the corner.
The guy in the red, so he ducked on.
I don't know a lot about it, but I just watched.
This shit has me come up off my couch.
Wow.
I wonder if they have radio in their helmet.
You think, no, they're probably listening to the boss, huh?
No.
Oh, look at that.
See, look at that.
You see him pop the way that out of frustration.
Yeah.
Fuck, he got me.
Do you sometimes wish that you had another life to do something that was a little bit more violent like that?
Do you think that's violent?
That's a little.
I mean, it's.
I think the results.
Well, if this is the thing now.
It's not Violent or whatever that is.
What is it called when you're like.
Oh, more adrenaline rush?
Yeah, yeah.
No, I think I got this life right as far as like, I feel like I'm doing what I'm supposed to do.
But like, I will say, though, as far as racing goes, I've gotten into it where I've watched like old Formula One and old Moto GP.
And I got to tell you, the second you press play, it's immediately scary.
Like these guys could die.
And people died a lot, like ridiculously a lot back in the 50s and 60s.
And it was fucking insane.
I read this book called, your listeners are into racing.
I read this book called The Limit, which is basically where these guys try to push the car, basically or the bike or whatever you're racing, the absolute limit of the performance before you fucking crash.
Like that's where you have to be racing or somebody else is going to take it to the limit.
And you have to like a fucking test pilot.
You got to figure out where that is.
So this book is about the first American who won the Formula One.
Yeah.
It was a fucking amazing book.
So and he was the first American not only to win the championship in Formula One, but also to drive for Ferrari.
And we were just considered inferior.
Wow.
Because we got all this space out there.
So Formula One just takes place in Europe.
Well, I mean, I think it believed it started over there.
I'm not quite sure over that, but it started over there.
Brazil has it now.
And then, well, they have a race there.
Okay.
But as far as the cars, it's mainly German, Italian, British got a car in there?
I don't know.
Just throughout the years, whatever.
So this guy gets a job.
The American gets a job driving for Ferrari.
So he gets his race car.
In the film.
In the book.
In the book, yeah.
So when he gets the car, he notices the floorboards, I guess, which are just all metal, I think, at that point, there was a hole in it.
And it was basically the last guy who drove it got decapitated and he bled out in the car and how they hosed the water out.
They just drilled a hole.
So he's getting, dude, it's fucking intense.
Damn.
So these guys, dude, they would die.
People in the crowd would die.
They had one.
This guy's fucking had an accident, right?
They fucking hit each other.
The hood came off, went into the crowd like a Chinese star and decapitated like six people.
And this guy landed on like, you know, those concrete barriers?
Yeah, and just landed dead in front of the car, all on fire.
There's video of it.
I forget where the crash was.
They don't show the decapitation, but you see this the hood fucking go into the crowd.
Give me more to search.
I would say Formula One.
There was a German guy whose nickname was Crash or something like that.
He went in Vintage Formula One German Crash Crowd Death.
There you go.
That's how I look for shit.
I saw a fucking Pirelli go into a front of a Papa's chicken one time off of Highway 190 over there by us or Kenny Rogers Roasters.
Remember that?
Oh, I mean, yeah, dude, did that.
I mean, if that fucking hits you in the chest, I mean, just all your, your fucking, your insides are liquefied.
Wide open.
That's it.
That's the ultimate liver shot.
Was it in 1961, the same year as the British?
Yeah, something like that.
I think it would be around there.
These fucking people were standing.
It was on a straightaway, so they thought they were staying.
They were just behind a rope.
All right, here you go.
Tragedy and Manza.
This might be it.
This guy named Wolfgang?
Wolfgang, that's him.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Let's see if this is it.
Seems to be the same footage over and over again.
Am I crazy?
Oh, they cut it out.
went into the crowd.
Yeah, see those people looking down.
They're looking down at dead people.
Oh, there was a fence.
There's a couple dead right there.
Look, you can see the dead right through there.
Oh, two hats.
There's their hats.
No head.
Oh, my God.
Look at that.
Yep, and that was it.
And you couldn't sue anybody.
Unbelievable.
Who's talking about death now, Bill?
And he died.
That's the Mary Tyler Moore circuit.
I know.
Then there is the one, I don't know the name of the crash, but there's one with the fucking hood comes off, and the guy lands right on top of the things.
And he's just, I mean, the balls, the balls it took to just race in the fucking 90s, just the sound of the cars, they just sound scary and dark.
Gas was right there.
I feel like in the back in the day, like if I've looked around in my dad's car enough, I could find a little bit of gasoline, you know?
Like it was always within arm's reach or within like noses smell.
I got an old four pickup.
The gas tank is right behind the seat.
And when I get low on gas, I hear it sloshing around.
What do you have, an F-150?
F-100.
Oh, that's awesome, man.
What year is it?
68. I drove it over here.
Oh, you did?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dude, that's awesome.
Yeah, I got it.
Three on the column.
But I mean, it's not something that I would want to get into an accident with.
That's why, you know.
Because of fire?
Well, yeah.
And also, like, there was no crumple zones back then.
It was just the engine went into your chest.
It's not like a fucking, you know, modern day car where you can just hit shit and bounce.
I mean, people still die, but I'm just saying, like, those.
Yeah, like you, you take.
I'd rather die, I think.
Yeah.
Like a fucking chance.
Well, it depends.
It depends.
Yeah, maybe, like, if it's a nice day, I would.
If it's a fucking, if it's boiling out, I think.
Well, it depends on what my injuries are going to be.
All right, here we go.
Let's get a list.
This is the first person wearing a shirt, I believe.
That's our audience.
All right.
Hey, Bill.
Hey, Theo.
This is Marissa from Raleigh, North Carolina.
And so, Bill, I heard you say on, I believe it was Joe Rogan's podcast, that you really liked the film Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, and you've seen it several times.
And I know Theo said that he walked out halfway through it.
So I was just wondering maybe if you could talk about why you loved it so much and Theo, why you walked out halfway through it.
Anyway, gang, gang.
Well, this is where Bill and I don't talk anymore after this.
No, no, if you didn't like it, you didn't like it.
I absolutely fucking loved it.
I heard on your podcast you say that you loved it.
Oh, my God.
Dude, it's the best work Leo's.
I mean, Brad Pitt's great.
First time you watched it, I was just like, I want to be like Brad Pitt's the guy I want to be.
And then the second time I watched it, I was like, oh my God, I'm just like Leo's character.
I have an emotional fucking mess.
Well, I don't know what part you walked out in.
I walked out after they went to that house for the first time, after they met the old guy, and they were in the yard, and then his car had a flat tire.
And at that point, I was like, I got to get out of here.
I don't know what these guys are doing.
You know, I felt like it was just kind of a waste of, I don't know, it just, I couldn't get into it, and I didn't know what was going on.
And it made me feel uncomfortable.
I was like, I got to get out of here.
Because I started to feel like everybody knows what's going on, and I don't know what's going on.
You know, I guess.
Yeah, that's for you and the therapist, buddy.
Yeah.
If that happens to you at the fucking movies, if you think the whole movie theater gives a shit about whether.
No, I don't think.
Were you making like audible noises that you didn't?
Huh?
Whoa?
Oh?
Oh, my God.
That's the only way they would know.
Fuck, man.
I don't know.
I was so fucked up, man.
Yeah, you do.
Yeah, you do.
I really didn't.
You do.
I didn't know the insider track, man.
You do.
I really didn't, though.
I really didn't, man.
I'm not going to sit here and try to talk you into that masterpiece.
It might be my favorite thing.
That's what you said.
That's unbelievable.
Remember that movie, Dream Team?
Probably one of the best movies.
Everyone.
Remember Michael Keaton?
I love Michael Keaton.
What was the Dream Team?
Were you show the picture of him?
I've seen everything from Mr. Mom and the thing he did about when he was trying to run the American car making company.
Oh, that was a great one.
I know what you're talking about.
Hold that tiger, that one when he has the light in the middle.
No, that's Kevin Costner was in that.
No, that was Tucker with Tucker.
That was good.
Yeah.
How good was that?
Jesus.
They should remake that.
There you go, right there.
I never saw that one.
Oh, probably one of the top 20 or 30 films ever, I think.
It's in color, too.
Dream Team.
It's about four guys.
They're in a mental health facility and they finally get tickets to a baseball game.
Oh, I never saw that one.
I've seen most of his films.
You ever see Founder?
Is that about the dog that dies?
Nope, that's about McDonald's.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
You saw that, right?
You like that one?
So good.
There you go.
You didn't walk out.
You didn't feel like.
See, that.
I understand fast food.
I like this one.
Too much talking can't handle.
If there was subtitles, I could see why you wouldn't fucking enjoy it.
That one did it for me, bro.
That founder was so good.
See, I love something that has, I think, more of like a glory.
Remember that movie Glory about the slave fight from 19, no, from 1700?
Wasn't that a Denzel movie?
Matthew Broderick, Denzel Washington, Damon Wayans.
So I don't think Theo likes Slice of Life, because from what I've heard, that was Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, not a ton of narrative arc just that.
It's not Slice of Life.
That's what people are saying, baby.
That's what people are saying, Bill.
It is Slice of Life.
Yeah, they're just living.
Can we look up the definition?
It was the Manson murders with a happy ending.
That was the backdrop.
Yeah.
I liked.
I just like how he took all the fear out of the Manson family.
He was like, there's a bunch of stupid fucking hippies who killed a bunch of creative, talented people in the prime of their lives.
And then the other people who weren't in show business down the street that he didn't seem to cover.
I know we talked about this before, Bill, just on the phone, but do you, like, I have a tough time with giving away, like, when I do a special and that sort of thing, like doing, giving away the audio, all that kind of stuff, like kind of just, I guess, not like letting go of my material, but.
But I mean, you treasure the audio.
Right.
Yeah, why would not?
But did you ever feel like that?
I'm sure.
Because you always seem like the guy who's like, wants to do it his own way.
You know, you have all things coming.
You always seem like the guy that wants to.
Oh, I have that with a bunch of other people.
So that's me working with other people.
Right.
Yeah.
See, I opened it up and look what happened.
And I'm putting out.
Jessica Kerson special is coming out next.
Ian Edwards is out right now.
We did one with Paul Versey, you know.
So, yeah.
But I do, I work with a bunch of people.
Al Madrigo.
Yeah.
Mike Bertolino.
Yeah.
Mike's great, by the way.
Yes, he is.
Yes, he is.
Anyways, what were you asking me?
Just did you have a tough time?
Like, I guess, I don't know.
Sometimes I just have a tough time with that.
I just have a tough time with, like, just feeling like I'm getting taken advantage of constantly, I guess, is what it is.
Yeah, at some point, it's basically.
You know how a fighter knows how to take a punch?
I mean, that's the best you can do because it's coming.
It's coming.
There's always going to be like, it's very rare, you know, that, you know, somebody, there's always, there's always the bullshit that you're going to have to wade through.
So what you need to get, you need to get a really good lawyer and you have to be willing to walk.
Those are two huge things.
And then you just kind of go from there and you got to go with your gut.
And sometimes they get you, sometimes they don't.
But it is not a, you know, business is not a fun experience.
Yeah.
Just put it that way.
It is just like lying and stealing are probably the two number one commandments broken every fucking 90th of a second.
It's so, that's what it is, which is what's so funny about this whole dialogue out there, this, what do they call it, that's going on out there about how, you know, men move through the world and you just basically, the doors fly open and stuff.
It's like, no, dude, it is a, it is a, it's a fuck party.
They're trying to get you face down every fucking thing you walk in.
That whole thing that like there's like that as a guy, you're immune to this this fucking sh yeah, dude.
The amount of times I've almost just quit this business, the only reason why I didn't was because I realized that like it's like, well, I'm just going to get into another business and it's going to be the same way.
Right.
You know what I mean?
That's the nature of business.
The nature of business is that there's just, yeah.
Yeah.
People are going to fucking try to put your face down in their desk.
And if you let them.
Look, I'll tell you this.
If you do a little bit of, you know, gambling, if you like to get out there at the late night hours and lay a little wager down on something fancy, you know, maybe they got a Wameroner is going to do a run is running uphill against a Beagle, you know, and you want to lay a few shillings on it.
Well, you can.
Maybe you got a shrimp and a seahorse want to wrestle, and you can do that in the yard and make you a little money.
But at the end of a hard week, it's great to sit down, take some time off, and to watch football, a more popular competition.
Do the smart thing when you do it, and go to mybookie.ag.
No one gives you more ways to win than they do.
MyBookie, I just accidentally laid a wager last week.
I wanted to bet the New Orleans Saints and that they get 10 wins.
Accidentally bet they get under 10 wins.
Next thing you know, Drew Brees goes down and I got a shot.
So I got a shot.
Accidental, but maybe you can do better than I can.
Don't forget where you're betting is just as important as who you're betting on.
You don't want to be betting on one of these places.
They're not real.
And it's just a lady at our house counting all your money, you know?
If you're the kind of guy that likes to bet a little and win a lot, try a parlay.
If your picks come through, you multiply your winnings.
That's how you do it.
Join now, get my bookie, and they'll double your first deposit.
Yep.
So if you want to lay a certain amount, then they'll match it for you.
It's like a 401k for gambling.
Use promo code Theo to activate the offer.
That's promo code T-H-E-O.
Visit mybookie.ag today.
That's right, mybookie.ag today, and they will double what you lay down, that bonus amount, and you play, you win, use code Theo.
This past weekend is brought to you by, you know, Skillshare.
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Get a skill and get out there.
I'll give you one.
This even fuck over is on little shit.
Watch your rider on the road.
Don't have a bunch of shit on your rider because they're going to go out and they're going to buy all of it in the biggest size and overcharge you and you're not going to consume it and then they're going to take it home themselves.
Jesus.
Yeah.
Which is why my ride is like bottled waters in a salad with the protein.
Yeah.
You know?
I got blueberries and a little bit of cut turkey from the Dell.
Yeah, that's what you want to do.
But if you start having like lamb or something.
Liquor and all.
No, I'm just talking like, you know, I want these candies.
I want this.
They're going to buy the Halloween fucking pack.
And that right there will be a way to fucking skim 200 bucks from you.
Yeah.
Just at that's just at that fucking level.
Forget about all the other shit.
You know, you get in with promoters and they double, triple, quadruple, fucking dip.
It's like, do you remember this?
Did you ever have to, you can't because.
Because then it makes it hard for me to do my work because I get it so fucking mad having to be my own business person sometimes.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, or having to feel like I'm getting, I don't know.
You can't take it.
The problem I have is that the people who do it sleep at night comfortably.
And they're just like, oh, you know, I meant that's how business is done.
This is how we do business.
It's like, that's how you do business?
You can't do business unless you're just fucking somebody over and stealing from them.
Yeah, man.
How do you feel when you sit in your fucking hot tub?
I don't know, whatever.
I got fucking issues in other areas.
Yeah.
Dude, I love that line from your special about the lady in the hot tub.
You're like, you're fucking sitting right there next to me.
Oh, yeah.
The way white women have divorced themselves from their own white privilege.
Bro, I fell off of my house.
Swung their Gucci boot over the other side of the fence to be victims is fucking hilarious.
Let's take a question right here.
We got another, speaking of a white guy right here with all his fucking privilege, sending this in.
Hey, Bill Theo, this is Luke.
Hey, Theo is just wondering if you've ever flown in a helicopter.
Bill, would you take them up?
That would be kind of a fun little trip.
And Bill, I know you're working on your instrument rating.
Keep plugging at it, man.
I'm an instrument and commercially rated fixed wing pilot.
So I know what you're going through.
Just hit that far aim, brother.
Take care.
I've never been in a helicopter.
I've been in like, oh, I've been in a Blackhawk one time, actually, and I was doing a show in Vasra or something, and I got a blowjob in an unsecure airfield from a female in the middle of the night in a Blackhawk helicopter.
Praise God, brother.
Oh, there you go.
So, yes, he's been in a helicopter.
So I have been in one, but only with a gun, you know, only when people had guns.
Do you keep a weapon on yours or no?
On what?
In your Do I really have to answer that?
He knows goddamn well I don't have a weapon.
Why are you doing this?
You don't have a gun.
I don't think it's obtuse, really, to think you might have a weapon in there with you, but think about it.
Yeah, think about it.
You think about it.
All right, man.
Just a small gun, dude, as a handpiece.
Yeah, no.
Okay.
Fine.
Fine, Bill.
Fucking ridiculous question.
Are you bringing Uzi up there when you flip his?
Fly is a hobby.
Here's another question about Bill's interests.
That guy looks like me a lot.
Hey, Theo.
Hey, Bill.
Hey.
Hey, Theo, I'm really looking forward to seeing you in a Couple weeks.
The Rat Pack's going to see their Lord and Savior in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania.
Praise God, brother.
Praise God.
I'm currently smoking a Sir Robert Peel.
Slobbering all over it.
That name's pretty pretentious, but onward.
Bill, my question to you is: in smoking these nicksticks, it's been my experience that the group of people, the subculture, there's less knuckleheads.
Yes.
Is that your experience?
Yes.
And what's your favorite cigar and or brand?
Gang, gang.
All right.
Yeah, that's what it is.
the conversation, the people you hang with.
I don't think I've...
I don't think I've ever met a cigar smoker who wasn't fucking cool and chill.
Chris Carter smokes them.
He's on that television show.
Yeah, a lot of athletes smoke them.
My favorite one right now, I love those Lauroras that come in those torpedo-like tubes.
And I was an emerald guy.
Now I like the sapphire.
The sapphire, that is my, that's my go-to.
I love Laurora cigars.
They got these little ones.
They call them Zeppelins.
They come 20 to a box, looking like a little mini, you know.
Can you smoke them at night?
When do you smoke them in the morning?
What's the earliest you'll smoke?
Do you have a little bit of a culture for yourself?
Well, I'm trying to lay off them.
So I kind of like, you know, what I try to do is because I have so many friends that smoke that I try to get a large group together.
Rather than smoke with all of eight people individually, I try to get all of us together so I just smoke once.
But I got a back porch I like to go out to, but there's like this fucking psycho level mosquito out here now that if you go out there at night, like even if you got clothes on, it like fucking goes right through your clothes.
Oh, wow.
I haven't heard of that.
Yeah, it's fucking.
And you and the, does your wife smoke them too sometimes or no?
No, no, no, she doesn't.
My wife's cool as shit.
She's all right with it.
Like she sees me all like wound up.
She goes, why don't you go smoke a cigar?
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
Go do some stand-up.
I think you need to go do some stand-up.
Like she kind of like manages my, like I start bouncing around the fucking house.
Like, do you need to go out tonight?
Like, what's going on?
Probably.
And that's what I have to do.
I get in the car and I fucking put on some AC DC, fantasize that I'm in the band.
Yeah.
Singing this lyrics.
And then when Angus starts playing, then I'm Angus.
Whoever's doing the most interesting shit during the song is how self-involved I am as I'm fantasizing as I drive down the road.
And then I go down to the store and whatever, I do some stand-up and then I come back and then I'm more chill.
But yeah, I try to trying to smoke like once every two weeks.
Oh, that's good.
Yeah, but I'm not doing that.
Did you?
So that's not good.
Did you like take to it right away?
No.
You like forced yourself to it.
No, you know what happened?
I was on a movie and I bought a box of cigars for everybody because we were going on a boat.
The director was taking us out to go on this little boat ride around, I think we were in Boston.
And there was just too many non-smokers there and to just bust out 10 and everybody smoking would have been obnoxious.
So I kept saying to the other actors, we're going to hang, we're going to hang, right?
Blah, blah, blah, blah.
And it just didn't happen.
And then I didn't want to throw them out.
And then I had them and I was like, fuck.
And I'd never smoked a cigar by myself.
And I made the mistake is I went out to my back porch by myself and smoked one.
Well, when you smoke a cigar, even if you haven't done shit that day, you feel like you conquered a country.
It's because it's something, it's inherently obnoxious.
But it's delicious and it's relaxing.
And I was just like, I just instantly in that moment, I was like, I get this.
This is fucking amazing.
And it took a little while after that for it to hold, but it's been pretty bad for the last five years.
So just keep trying and I can get addicted.
Well, you may not.
Yeah, you can do it.
Did you ever do plug tobacco?
Did you ever do anything like that?
No, I never smoked.
That's the thing.
I never smoked.
I never smoked weed.
Never did any of that shit.
Chewing tobacco?
Nope.
Never did it.
I was that kid that when they came to school, if I could just reach one kid, I was the guy that got reached.
Yeah, that's somewhere in my late 30s.
I think I finally was just like, am I never going to know what it feels like to be stoned?
So I took a hit.
So occasionally I do that.
You and the wife will roll up a little blunt or no?
Sometime if it's a special occasion, maybe an anniversary or something?
Yeah, maybe, not really, though.
Not really.
Certainly not a blunt.
I mean, we're pretty like, we just fucking we hang out.
She's cool as shit.
So we sat there last, what's cool right now, she watches Real Housewives, which usually drives me nuts.
But there's one woman on there who's so funny and just trashes.
Which season is it?
I don't know what it is, but she just says, she was at dinner and this woman was just running her yap.
She goes, you know what?
It's funny that she wears the word freaking.
She goes, no, she goes, you're a freaking cunt.
And they all gasp.
She just fucking called her a cunt.
I was like, I like this.
And she just doesn't get, oh, fuck her.
She's a dumbass.
She's not even hurt.
Some bullshit happened.
She goes, I guarantee you she goes to the emergency room.
And the chick went to the emergency room.
And she literally went, she went, I called it.
I called it.
She sounded like my friends that watch sports.
So the fact that she's on there, I think it's going to increase their male viewership because other than that, it's just, it's just, I can't, I mean, they're just screaming and yelling at each other.
And then even worse, then they got to work it out.
Yeah.
And they're always crying.
And they're so rich.
Well, at least they try to look rich, but they're also always trying to do something spiritual.
Yeah.
Yeah, they're always getting crystals or something.
They're trying to go to Sydney.
Yeah, that bored, rich, white chick fucking...
It's got a...
Their clothes are a lot.
The makeup's a lot.
The boats are, the whole thing is just, everything is just extra.
Yeah.
So there's always been, the rich have always really driven me nuts, I felt like.
Because I feel like that's one thing that's fun to grow up with.
You don't grow up with money is having that arch nemesis in just the rich in general.
You know, like we used to have.
That can turn into self-sabotage.
So be careful about that.
Don't feel guilty about it.
And like, there's a lot of cool people.
I did a private party one time for a self-made billionaire.
Wow.
Him and his two brothers all became billionaires in three different areas.
And like I met the guy and like I didn't do well at the party either.
I opened with the Michelle Obama bit.
Yeah.
And you know, it was like a real liberal crowd.
And it was not the best way to go.
Bad choice, yeah.
but he was sitting there in the middle, big smile, looking around.
He fucking loved it.
And afterwards, when I met him, I was just like, Hey, but he was both going, like, he goes, No, that was great.
It was great.
I was sorry about the Obama thing kind of started off bad.
And he just goes, He goes, No, I think it was cool.
I mean, I like the stuff he was saying.
I mean, I think he was saying a lot of stuff that needs to be heard.
And he just was the coolest guy ever.
And then I was asking him where he was from.
And it turned out, you know, I had, you know, great, great, great, great, you know, grandfathers that grew up in the same area and shit.
He just ended up being really cool.
And so you do meet like a lot.
It's like when people say that LA, it's just a bunch of phony plastic people.
And then you come out here and there's a lot of really fucking, there's a lot of really plastic, phony people, but there's also all these really cool people.
So it just depends on how you're going to look at it.
Yeah.
Yeah, maybe my perspective sometimes.
I think, well, one thing definitely is I've made more money, even just in the past year, I finally started making money, you know?
And it's definitely been like, yeah, sometimes even in the beginning, I've just even felt going to start yelling at himself in the mirror like Leo before you walked out.
Was it really?
He's a piece of shit.
Yeah.
Oh, he yells at himself in the mirror.
It's one of my favorite scenes.
Maybe I got to watch it again.
Yeah.
You don't have to.
I don't want to force.
Well, I'm not going to watch it because you want me to watch it, but I'll watch it maybe because maybe I did miss something, you know?
I just, at a certain point, I'm just like, my favorite part of it was that Brad Pitt had a little bit of like a hitch in his walk a little bit, if you noticed that.
What about Leo with the speech impediment?
That only happened off.
I love how you just dismissed that.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
That's amazing.
That's what's amazing about when somebody makes something, like people's reaction, like, oh, my God, this is the greatest thing ever.
Somebody else, eh, I fucking walked out.
I got nervous.
The whole movie theater was listening to my inner thoughts.
They care.
They care this much about me.
I don't think they care.
I fucking care.
In my head, I care too much.
When I put the hat on, that means I got to go.
That's fine.
I want to show you my truck.
All right.
So we can bond on something.
We can agree.
We missed the mark on Mary Tyler Moore.
Yep.
You brought it up.
It's Family Man.
Have you seen that movie?
I've seen Family Guy.
What about the nice guys?
Oh, you got to see that.
Okay.
You got to see that one.
That's a funny one.
Oh, what's the nice guys?
No, I don't know.
I think you're looking down.
You got your jaw out.
You got your jaw.
It's very confrontational.
I'm feeling like you're not liking my suggestions.
He's just like, you like the American.
Once upon a time in Hollywood, this guy's dead to me.
He's dead to me.
Just to let you know, I can't hear your inner thoughts, so don't get all fucking weirded out.
Just walk out of it.
You're crazy.
I feel like you're in my head, man.
Super quick.
I really do.
A lot of people ask this question, and Mike Nucci on Patreon asked, are you going to get another dog once your daughter's older?
Yes.
And what a lot of people don't know is my dog is still my dog.
I just, someone else watches her for me.
And that's a very convoluted contract had to be drawn up because I'm still liable if the thing does something, I think.
I don't know, but like I am still taking care of that dog.
She's going to be in town soon.
I still miss her.
I love hanging out with her, but I'm not going to lie.
When I brought her around the house, I had her on the leash just because I was feeling guilty that I got rid of her.
Gave her to somebody else.
When she saw my daughter, she was cool, but I didn't let her anywhere near it.
But then we set her down on the bed where she used to be, and she sort of glanced.
I saw her ears go up and get fixated.
Normally, I give it a tug just to kind of make her look at something else.
I'm like, I'm going to see what she does.
And she looked at my cute little baby and just went, I'm like, all right, that's why you don't live here.
And I haven't had guilt about it ever since.
I still miss that dog tremendously.
But as my trainer said, this is one of these dogs nature said no to, people said yes to, because even with his crazy skill set, like it took him a year just to have the dog get used to all the other dogs that it was living with now and to become friends with one of them, sort of.
And he still has to watch.
Because the other thing about my dog was like when she decided that she was going for it, she usually didn't do that.
She would just look, make the decision, and then just go.
So there was no warning.
And my trainer was going, this is a top-level predator.
Wow.
I was just like, all right, I'm having a baby.
I can't fucking do this.
Like a shark.
Yeah, dude.
It was it.
And she's like you and the dog meet up or like spend a giveaway.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, she comes, you know, once every like six weeks, you know, the guy who has him comes into LA.
Nice guy.
Boards.
Yeah, yeah.
It's a trainer.
The trainer, yeah.
So that's why I feel safe with the arrangement.
So he brings her in, and then I take her for walks.
We have a great time and all of that stuff.
And, you know, she's getting older.
She's definitely, since we let her go, she's kind of slowed down a little bit.
But she's defied the laws of like a thousand times like a dog like that, especially as a pit bull, would be put down.
And, you know, somebody had her for a year, just let her go.
We got her.
We had her for from 2009 to the end of 2016.
So we had about eight and a half years.
Damn.
My line, my math is wrong, I think there.
Yeah, eight and a half years.
And then he's had her for like the last, basically all of my daughter's life.
We gave her away like a year before my daughter was born.
So did your daughter know about the dog?
No, no, no, no, no.
Yeah, I mean, I'll tell her about her something.
Yeah, the dog was crazy.
You came, the dog just had, the dog was like a bouncer.
If you got grandfathered in and you were cool, and then once you came, anything after that, I was like, no, who the fuck is this?
This person needs to be terminated.
Did you ever you ever donated sperm or anything like that when you were coming up as a comedian?
Nope, and I don't have a gun in my helicopter.
But I want to thank you for having me and helping me promote my special.
I just have to get home.
My kid's getting up from the nap and it's my watch.
I love it.
I love your attitude.
Hey, dude, and I love everything that you're doing.
I'm so happy for you and all you're doing.
Thanks, man.
You're always supportive.
You're doing it.
Just expand.
Don't be afraid to get into business with people.
Get a good lawyer.
All right?
I like that.
All right, buddy.
Thanks, Bill.
Thank you.
Now, I'm just floating on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
I must be cornerstone.
Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind.
I found I can feel it in my bones.
But it's gonna take a little time for me to set that parking break and let myself on my shine that light on me.
I'll sit and tell you our stories Shine on me And I will find a song.
we're singing And I've been moving way too fast on a runaway train with a heavy load of blood.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
The answer may shock you.
Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
Sometimes I won't.
And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
You have three new voice messages.
A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else.
So great.
Hi, Suiar.
Is it there?
Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.
Jamain.
I'll take a quarter potter with cheese and a McFlurry.
Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.
Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
Second rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on YouTube, yeah?
