Subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts http://bit.ly/ThisPastWeekend_ Gary Owen joins to talk about road stories, having a black audience, and his relationship with the Cincinnati Bengals. Gary Owen https://instagram.com/garyowencomedy YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCEiJQ6Uohu1mUHMIoCiOlPw This episode brought to you by… Free Fly Uncommon Apothecary Visit https://ua-cbd.com Ridge https://ridgewallet.com/TPW Use code “TPW” for 10% off Find Theo Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiEKV_MOhwZ7OEcgFyLKilw Producer Nick https://instagram.com/realnickdavis Music “Shine” - Bishop Gunn http://bit.ly/MakinIt_BishopGunn Gunt Squad www.patreon.com/theovon Name Aaron Jones Aaron Rasche Aaron Wayne Anselmi Adam White Alaskan Rock Vodka Alex Hitchins Alex Person Alex Petralia Alexa harvey Andrew Valish Angelo Raygun Anthony Holcombe Anthony Schultz Arielle Nicole Ashley Konicki Audrey Hodge Ayako Akiyama Bad Boi Benny Ben Deignan Ben in thar.. Benjamin Herron Benjamin Streit Bobby Hogan Brad Moody Brandon Hoffman Brandon Kirkman Bubba Hodge Carla Huffman Casey Roberts Charles Herbst Christian Coyne Christina Peters Christopher Stath Claire Tinkler Cody Cummings Cody Kenyon Cody Marsh Crystal Dakota Montano Dan Draper Dan Perdue Daniel Chase Danielle Fitzgerald Danny Crook David Christopher David Smith Diana Morton Dionne Enoch Donald blackwell Doug C Drew Munoz Dusty Baker Faye Dvorchak Felicity Black Ginger Levesque Grace Jenson Grant Stonex Greg Salazar Gunt Squad Gary J Garcia J.P. Jacob Rice Jamaica Taylor James Briscoe James Hunter Jameson Flood Jason Price Jeffrey Lusero Jenna Sunde Jeremy Siddens Jeremy Weiner Jim Floyd Joaquin Rodriguez Joe Dunn Joel Henson Joey Piemonte John Kutch Johnathan Jensen Jon Blowers Jon Ross Jordan R Josh Cowger Josh Nemeyer Joy Hammonds Justin Doerr Justin L justin marcoux Kaitlin Mak Kennedy Kenton call Kevin Best Kirk Cahill kristen rogers Kyle Baker Lacey Ann Laszlo Csekey Lauren Williams Lawrence Abinosa Leighton Fields Luke Bennett Madeline Garland Mandy Picke'l Marisa Bruno Matt Kaman Meaghan Lewis Meghan LaCasse Mike Mikocic Mike Nucci Mike Poe Mona McCune Nick Roma Nick Rosing Nikolas Koob Noah Bissell OK Passenger Shaming Qie Jenkins Rachel Warburton Randal L. Nu Ranger Rick Robert Mitchell Robyn Tatu Rohail Ryan Hawkins Ryan Walsh Sagar J Sarah Anderson Scoot B. Scott Wilson Sean Scott Season Vaughan Secka Kauz Shane Pacheco Shannon potts Shona MacArthur Suzanne O'Reilly Theo Wren Thomas Adair Tim Greener Timothy Eyerman Todd Ekkebus Tom Cook Tom Kostya Tommy Frederick Travis Simpson Tugzy Mills Tyler Harrington (TJ) Victor Montano Victor S Johnson II Vince Gonsalves William Reid Peters Yvonne Zeke HarrisSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Today's guest is one of America's most loved crossover comedians.
He has a podcast called Get Some.
You may know him from Think Like a Man.
He's a very funny guy, and I've run into him a couple times recently, and happy to have him here today.
Mr. Gary Owen.
Oh, my.
Shine that light on me.
I'll sit and tell you my stories.
Dude, Nova, thank you for your patience, man.
I'm sorry that I was late.
Oh, y'all went to a chiropractor, bro.
Dude, you think you look like this just automatically, though?
My fault.
I always think chiropractors scare me because I think they'll fix the problem.
Yeah.
But then they'll also fuck up something else and you come back, you know, like this.
All right, my sixth vertebrae is great, but now this third one, and they do it.
I think they do it just a little bit.
So we're going to give him eight months.
Yeah.
And then when he comes back, you know what I mean?
Then they'll come up with something.
Oh, you were hiking?
Oh, yeah, that's it.
Yeah, they kind of, yeah, they put something into your bones.
Are we cruising, Nick?
Yeah, they put something into your bones that are like, oh, well, this will, yeah.
They set you at like three months.
They set that knee at three months.
I'm telling you, man.
That layup.
Nobody's ever gone to a chiropractor and just stopped.
Yeah.
They come back.
You know what I mean?
It's hard.
Like, I don't trust them.
Like, they're like mechanics.
Yeah, they're like mechanics.
I get them oil changed.
And they bring out some filter.
You're like, I got a Camaro.
That's a Toyota filter.
Yeah.
They bring back a sunroof.
You don't even have one.
Yeah.
I never in my life have I gone and got an oil change when I had shitty cars and they just went, all right, $19.
Like the thing says on the marquee.
Yeah.
You walk out there, it's $60.
Like they get you on something.
Yeah, it like this.
It's $19.
It makes you feel like your car cannot go without that.
We find a used squirrel in your catalytic converter.
That's what they used to get my dad with all the time.
Or they had a mouse in your catalytic converter.
Catalytic converter?
Yeah.
The guy be like, just give me $40, man.
We'll handle it.
Man, your flux capacitor.
You're not going to be able to travel back in time.
Oh, you're time traveling, man.
We got to shut you down, man.
Yeah, sorry about that.
Yeah.
Government says that $200.
It's just written on the wall, $200 for time traveling.
It's coming, baby.
Yeah, Chiropractor's Dangerous, man.
I went in there and this lady laid me down too, dude.
She was, I think, Scottish or something, man.
Fuck, I felt Scottish by the time she was back in there, dude.
She was deep at some point.
Just want to go watch Braveheart?
Bro, I can feel my grandparents just building up in my cheeks, bro.
She had me just reminiscing, bro.
See, some professions should be women.
I don't like the whole, we're all the same.
Like, if I go to the dentist, I don't want a dental assistant to be a dude.
I don't want some manhands in my molars.
I don't want some nice, soft female type shit.
You know what I mean?
Some jobs should not be.
When I had my knee surgery, I remember I couldn't piss or shit.
Because you want pills?
Yeah, just knee surgery.
And I couldn't eat until I pissed.
I wasn't allowed to eat.
So the nurse came in and they go, look, we can either wait this out.
You want a catheter?
You couldn't eat until you pissed?
Yeah, I wasn't allowed to eat anything.
I could drink water, but I wasn't allowed to eat.
They had to make sure everything was moving correctly, I guess, after the surgery.
Oh, I see what you're saying.
I thought this was like some kind of like weird, like you were in that movie Saw or something.
No, no, no.
Like you get out of surgery and then they're like, you know, just the guy's with you.
Now you got to piss.
Yeah.
Or you can eat anything.
So it'd been a while.
So the lady nurse came in and she literally goes, look, Gary, we can do the catheter and get the piss and then you can eat.
You know, or we can wait a couple more hours or what are you going to do?
I said, I'm starving.
Just do it.
She goes, now, are you comfortable with me doing it?
Or would you like me to get a guy to do it?
I literally went, why would I want a guy?
I remember looking at her like, so really?
People say that?
I go, and all that thing was, I was trying to tell her, like, look, it's not where it should be right now.
It's surgery and, you know, it's very Ken Jung hangover popping off right now.
Dang, dude.
Yeah, that's true.
Especially like a fireman or something.
I don't want somebody to be like, yeah, we're sending Barb up if you're in a burning building.
Fuck Barb, dog.
Fuck Barb.
Some professions got to be men and women.
Yeah.
Even when I was in the Navy, when I joined the Navy, women weren't allowed on combat ships.
So women had it made.
They were on shore duty.
And when you're on shore duty, you get extra money.
They give you extra money to go get an apartment downtown.
It's a nine-to-five job when you're shore duty.
When you're on a ship, it sucks because you're in racks that are three high.
You know, bird in the area sucks.
There's no privacy.
But women, there's a few women that were fighting for equal rights.
And I was thinking, why the fuck would you want to be on a ship?
You got it made right now.
And it's always like a few women, we wanted the same round.
I'm like, this is stupid.
I mean, it literally makes their quality of life worse than better.
They could have shut up and been fine.
But do you think that some of them actually want that?
Or do you think it's some people that just want to, they just have to argue for something sometimes?
And they just want to win.
Yeah, that doesn't benefit them.
They want to win.
Right.
They don't even realize you're not really winning.
Yeah.
You're losing after this.
And if you asked a lot of men would prefer to take a bullet for a woman, or at least when I was younger, it seemed like a lot of men would take a bullet for a woman.
Nowadays, it'd be like, you know, let's front some of these bitches.
You know, put them out front.
Well, I will say, when I was first in the Navy and women weren't allowed on combat ships, the first ship I was on had women.
The second one didn't.
Ain't like you got to be banging them.
You just got to be around some women, man.
You go for a month in the middle of the ocean with a thousand dudes and you don't see one female.
Man, that shit fucks your head a little bit.
Does it?
Man, you come back, you ready to bang precious.
Oh, yeah.
You're like, this dang.
Oh, you're ready to bang semi-precious.
Anybody want some chicken?
Like, you want to go steal some?
Like the movie?
Does your mom hurt you?
It's like even when you're out at sea, when you're out at sea with women on ships, the first couple weeks, some of the women, you're like, ah, I'm good.
And then a month in, you're like, you've been working out?
I know.
And then by two months, it's 800 Halley Berry's on that ship.
Wow.
Dang.
Stockholm syndrome.
It is 100%.
Seeing the same women day to day, you start to just, man, gravitate to them.
Yeah, I remember.
I remember.
So you're saying it sounds like there is a real advantage to just having women around even on the boat.
There is something nice about just there being an opposite sex around.
Oh, yeah.
Like I said, you ain't got to be messed around and touch them just to walk by, have the scent of a woman.
Just to know that a woman's around.
Yeah, and it's something, I mean, something that eases the tension.
You know what I mean?
Even if there's innocent flirting.
I was single.
So even if there's innocent flirting, like we had this one girl, her name was Love.
I'll never forget it.
Best ass, right?
And Navy had, we had dungarees.
A black lady I knew?
Oh, I girl name Love.
Oh, yeah, it was a black lady.
She was dating a couple of the Chargers because we were staying in San Diego.
And to be a Navy girl dating a couple NFL ball players, like you had to be looking good because you're up against the top of the top competition.
Yeah.
And I just remember her stencil was sewn in, but I'd still would be like, you know, I was a cop and I was in the Navy.
I'd be like, love, let me see your stencil.
And she'd turn around like, are you good?
Because the stencil ain't right.
You got to tell them to go fix it and mark it in.
Because some people have markers.
Some people sewed it in.
Hers was sewn in.
I'd still be like, love, let me see that stencil.
That was good for me.
Dude, I wonder if it's the same girl.
You know a love?
I know a girl named Love.
From San Diego?
A young black woman, yeah.
But I don't know, she wasn't from San Diego.
She was Stacey of San Diego.
Yeah.
She had to be from the South.
The way her build was, she had to be from the South.
Yeah.
I'll have to see, really?
Yeah.
Dude, I'm talking I was going to ask you about just a second ago.
We were talking about the military.
Oh, yeah.
They used to have a thing.
So I went and did just some, just the different military base tours and stuff.
I'm sure you've done some of those.
And they had one, we went to Guantanamo Bay, and they had the term Getmo Pretty.
And it was like, after a couple days down there, you're like, yeah, that lady, dude, keep me away from her.
And by five days down there, you're like, hey, where's that lady?
Right.
Facts.
Any ship, man.
I think any military base.
You're like, damn, Burdette is looking hot as fuck.
Good Lord, Pascal.
Yeah.
They had a big girl named Galaxy was her name.
I remember.
Galaxy Wilson.
Her last name is Galaxy?
First name.
Galaxy Wilson, bro.
And I'm like, damn, Galaxy.
Fucking moons over Miami, bro.
Let me be a part of that solar system.
Blast me into that asthma, bro.
Dude, thanks so much for coming in, man.
Yeah, no problem.
What's going on?
You live in Cincinnati, huh?
Appreciate it, bro.
Thanks to me on time.
Well, look, man, I know you like to work in a lot of the black circles, so I wanted to be fricking.
I wanted to be late.
Well, I thought, that's why I got here early.
I go, I'm going to prove to him.
We're not all like that.
Hey, Theo's stuck in traffic.
Whoa, he's in L.A. I guess he didn't see that coming.
You know what I mean?
Way to plan ahead, Theo.
Do you, so you, you've had a great, you've had probably the greatest career for someone that doesn't live in Los Angeles or New York?
Maybe.
I don't know.
Yeah, I never, I lived here for a little bit, but my career took off really when I left.
Went back to Ohio.
Because you know that, I mean, that never happens, but that's not most people's story.
Yeah, I would fly out whenever I was needed in L.A. or New York.
You know, we just kind of...
Yeah, I don't know any of the...
You guys are like your own little clique, you know, because you see each other so much.
And I'm wholly not in the loop.
I'm almost like a Bigfoot.
There's sightings of me.
Oh, yeah.
In LA.
Like, even when you saw me at the airport.
Oh, yeah.
There's Gary Owen.
Gary Owen.
Oh, it doesn't exist.
Well, it's almost kind of nice because it's almost like you're then like a celebrity to LA.
Oh, yeah, because I've never seen because you're, yeah, you're like so rare.
It's like, yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if I saw Dwayne The Rock Johnson.
I've seen him twice in LA.
I've only seen you once in LA.
And that was at the airport on the way out.
We had a liver in Minnesota.
Where were you going that weekend?
I don't know.
Yeah, we were in Minnesota.
Remember that?
That was the layover.
Oh, God.
Beautiful airport, too.
Big, though.
That's a big-ass airport.
Jesus.
It's almost too big.
Yeah.
I think the Metrodome's somewhere in there.
I remember at one point, I remember crossing a 40-yard line at somebody.
Somebody fumbled around it.
It would be great if the football stadium's attached to the airport.
Just watch the game from the side.
Now, a lot of the airports got the hotels right there.
Detroit's got that Weston right in it.
Oh, yeah.
If I have a three-hour layover, dude, sometimes I'll bust a coin and get that lay down for a little while.
Let's get a room.
Well, Atlanta's got the minute suites.
You've seen that?
You can rent a room for like an hour.
Oh, wow.
It's like, I don't know what it is, like $30.
I did it.
I had like a, I was coming back from Japan.
I landed at like five in the morning, and my next flight went to like 11. So I bought that thing for three hours.
Damn, was it good?
Yeah, it's like your own room.
It's got cable, outlets, a bed, you know, the bathroom you have to leave.
You don't have to go in the hallway, but there's a bathroom for the pods.
But it's like a little pod.
It's cool, though.
You know what?
I was in Australia a couple weeks ago and they had at the airport in this one area that just had like these kind of like, look like a big molar actually with a with a roll top, like those roll top desks.
And you could get in there.
Like an egg?
Yeah, like an egg.
Like Mork and Mindy?
Yep, you pay like three or four dollars and get in that egg and that's that.
And it's right in the airport?
I mean, just literally, you could walk, bro, there were kids running around through them playing games and shit.
And you're in the egg, locked in.
You're in there sleeping, yeah.
I mean, I think you lock yourself in from the egg.
You bring a lady in there?
I don't know, dude.
Make a little bit of fucking money.
What'd you do in Australia?
Perfect.
Salad, bro.
Yeah, I was doing shows over there.
I never, I've never, outside of military bases, I've never.
Only place I've been outside the country is Guam and London.
That's been it.
Well, Canada, but that's kind of America, too.
Yeah.
Australia is kind of Canada, but way like it's Canada with more of a criminal element, you know, because a lot of criminals, that whole country is based on criminalia or people that did crime.
Where did you get that statistic from?
Crime.
Just from being like, I'm just buying it.
Really?
I go, never heard that.
He was just breaking off shit.
Yeah, like Ohio.
Ohio was founded by Capone.
You know, he was running drugs through there and he just named it Ohio.
Do you ever feel left out because you don't live in LA or New York?
No, no, never do.
I'm so busy as it is.
You know, even if I, when I get off the road, the last thing I want to do is go to a comedy club because I do it so much.
Where I know a lot of the guys in LA, they're at the comedy clubs every night.
And I did that when I was out here.
So I feel like I got it out of my system.
But it heard it's a different vibe at the comedy store now.
I heard there's different management and ownership and everything else because when I first started, I did the whole wait it in line for three hours to open Mike.
Oh, yeah.
And this is not an indictment on Mitzi Shore.
I'm sure she's a nice lady.
But what she did to me, I was like, I will never perform here.
That's why I'm never there.
She iced you, huh?
Well, I waited in line.
I did what you're supposed to do for like two, three weeks, right?
Then I got picked to showcase.
So five of us showcased that night.
And it was the first time.
Do you remember the other ones?
It was four women.
I was the only dude.
I don't know who the other women were, but there was four women and me, and I was the fifth.
So the four women were.
You're the only black guy to perform to?
Pretty much.
It's like, do you remember who the other people were?
Chris Tucker, Chappelle.
So I don't know why I didn't get picked.
But when I went up, and you only get five minutes.
I looked in the back of the original room, and she was like holding court with the four girls and wasn't watching me.
And then I got called the next day and they go, yeah, you didn't get picked to be a regular.
I said, what?
And not to sound conceited, but I clearly had the best set.
Like, it wasn't even close.
Look, we know we have a good set and we don't.
And I was like, I didn't get picked?
And then when I found out the girls did, I was like, I'm out.
I'll never perform here.
So you had a real, you had a real resentment then.
Towards her a little bit.
Just because I felt like I did what you were supposed to do.
Now, if none of us would have got picked, I'd have been like, all right.
But honestly, I knew my stuff wasn't hacky.
You know what I mean?
I knew it was some original stuff.
So I was just like, I didn't get picked.
It just didn't make any sense.
And I go, she just didn't watch me.
So for whatever reason, it is what it is.
But I've never performed, never been back.
Well, did it make you feel like it wasn't fair?
Like, I'm just curious.
Because, I mean, yeah, you hear all kinds of stuff about Mitzi Schwarzman.
Obviously, you know, she's run like one of the best clubs.
You know, like, I think her, like, I don't know all of it, but like her, you know, she got the club finally from her husband or something.
I think like there was some other ownership.
You know, you hear that she never paid people.
People went on strike.
You know, you hear all kinds of stuff.
I mean, you know, there's tons of history out of that building.
I mean, she was also a woman that started a business, you know, so like, I think that was a, you know, there weren't a lot of women doing that in the comedy space at the time.
But yeah, I mean, you hear all kinds of stuff that she was dating half the comedians.
I mean, there's tons of things you hear.
Yeah.
I mean, I'm saying she's probably a nice lady.
I'm not saying she's a bad person, but that night, I was like, man, fuck this.
Did that make you feel like you weren't going to have any opportunities in LA overall?
It got me all fired up.
And a lot of people know this.
I ran the main room for two years on Guy Torrey's Fat Tuesday because I'm in St. Louis and Guy said, man, I got to let it go.
I'm too busy.
I said, you can't let it go, dude.
That's like the black spot on Tuesday.
At the comedy store.
Yeah.
I said, let me take it over.
I said, I won't change shit.
I was running.
Me and my wife was running it and nobody knew I was behind it because I just wouldn't show up.
But it was funny because my wife would like, we were booking it.
Right.
And then people would be like talking shit about other comics and stuff like comics do sometimes.
And she'd come back and give me feedback.
And sometimes they'd be talking shit about me.
And I was like, really?
But I never held against them.
I wouldn't like not book somebody or take them off.
I was just like, I just thought comics do that.
Because there's a little bit of bitch in all of us.
At some point.
You know what I mean?
You're going to have days and nights where you're just, you want to blame somebody when you don't realize it's just a business.
It is what it is.
Yeah, that's another thing.
Yeah, it's just the business.
It's like, yeah, I mean, even going back to the Mitzi Short thing, it's like, you know, people could say that, you know, you'll hear that she didn't pay comics, but you also don't know if she was getting a shittier deal because she was a woman in certain circles.
You know, you just don't know.
It's like you don't know how, like what the business is always.
You don't know everybody's anger, everybody's, how everybody's dealing with it.
And you know, you know, with her seeing open micers all day, every day, she might have been having like, I'm fucking done today.
I ain't got time to see this guy.
Or maybe some man in the business had been a dick to her that day and she's like, you know what?
I just saw, right?
You don't know.
You just don't know.
Back then, I was like, fuck this shit.
Now it's more just a story.
It's my story.
Right.
You know, it's not, I'm not mad.
I've never said a bad word about her in public or anything.
It's just, it is what it happened.
Yeah.
I'm just like, but that night, fuck, I was pissed.
Oh, I can imagine.
Fuck the comedy store.
Fuck Encino Man.
Fuck the Jersey shore.
Anything with a short and I was done.
Want to go surfing?
Fuck you, man.
I'm going to the pool.
Fuck Gulf Shores, Alabama.
Yeah.
Fuck Florabama, the bar, the shitty bar that's down there where people always get date raped.
But to decent music.
Sorry.
But look, dude, if you're going to get a date rape, get date raped to some, you know, some easy listening.
You know what I'm saying?
To some Skinner, bro.
I don't want to get date raped to some trick daddy.
You know what I'm saying?
I want to get date raped.
Yeah.
Okay.
Something legit.
Like this.
Yeah.
Sounds a good deal.
I'm not Brendan Schwab.
I'm not agreeing with you.
I'm just kidding.
No, that's all right.
Dude, Brennan, sometimes Brennan will go in as, yeah, definite agreement mode.
I get that in podcasts when I'm talking to somebody.
I'll just have no idea what's going on.
They're disagreeing with them.
I just fucking agree with them.
Yeah.
Like, hey, we're thinking about killing your whole family.
Like, oh, that's a great idea, man.
Awesome.
Yeah, I mean.
Yeah, my mom's a bitch.
But yeah, it's like sometimes you just don't know.
It's like, you know, it's like, we just don't know sometimes what everybody else is dealing with, you know?
That's right.
Yeah, looking back on it, it's just like, I just, I'll never forget as long as I live, the four women standing around her and she's just holding court, like telling them about, I'm reading what they're saying.
Like, you got to work on this.
You do this, this, and this.
But it looked like they was all having a great time.
And I'm up here going, you know what I mean?
Like, I want to stop it.
Like, hey, Mits, I'm up.
It's my third Sunday waiting in line for three fucking hours.
Can I get five minutes?
That's going through my brain.
It's such a helpless feeling, too, when you can't do that.
And you put the mic back in the stand and you walk off going, this was pointless.
This was fucking pointless.
And then I would drive by and see the guys in line.
It was like a Tuesday you had to wait in line.
That was like the long line in front of the comedy store for open micing.
And I'd drive by it and see just for the next couple of years, but I wanted to be like, wasting your time?
Fucking rolled out the window.
Fucking pointless.
Wow.
So you had a, yeah, man.
I'd have a, look, I can totally go through that moment.
You're on stage and you see the person who's supposed to be paying attention to you and you're already nervous.
There's already a lot going on.
I mean, this is like a moment in the sun to even get that opportunity to showcase at the comedy store.
And then the other people that have already gone on, they had their time to be in front of her.
Now they're all talking to her.
And you have to still be doing your jokes.
Your mind is locked in it.
Even it could be complete darkness in the room.
I remember when I was doing it in New York for Esti, right?
Who passes at the comedy cellar.
And she's over in the dark.
And I don't know where she is.
But then at a certain point, I knew exactly where she was in the dark paying attention to me.
It's like you can just feel like the spot in the dark where somebody in the room is that's supposed to be judging you.
And to think that they're not even paying attention and you still have to do these jokes and you don't even care if the other people in the room even see them.
It's a helpless feeling.
So helpless, dude.
So helpless, bro.
Like trying to breastfeed and be a man, you know?
It's like Jerry's deli afterwards.
Oh, yeah.
It's meat only, bro.
If you're breastfeeding and you're a man.
Yeah.
Just today, the Hollywood reporter named Adam Egot, the new manager at the comedy store, and SD, two of the 40 most powerful people in comedy.
Wow.
So it was crazy that you brought both of them out.
And there you go.
It's like, and then it's like you look years later, I mean, it's like, you know, Paul, he's like, you know, Paul, you know, he's always trying to be supportive.
He's always trying to stay creative.
You got the file that has passed away, the lore of just the story even staying like all the times it was supposed to be sold.
But I heard it's a different, I didn't spend a lot of time there, but I heard it's completely different now.
It's different now, man.
It's very supportive.
But you know what?
A lot of that is, I think, more than any other time in the history of stand-up, like comics can control their own narrative now.
Right.
Through podcasting.
You know what I mean?
Just through social media, YouTube.
I mean, you can build your audience.
You don't need somebody to say, give you like the yes.
You can do it on your own, you know?
Even with, you know, I've gotten to know you through the podcast networks pretty much.
I mean, outside of Road Rules, you were amazing on that.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, I was a kid, you know?
I know, because that's the thing, man.
I've always followed you from afar because I saw you on Last Comic Standing.
You were like the internet guy.
Yeah, yeah, me and Josh Wolf.
Because when I saw you, I go, that's the fucker from Road Rules.
Right.
You know what I mean?
And then when you did Road Rules, what year was that?
You did Road Rules.
99. 99. And you were like a mid-season replacement or something, right?
Didn't you come in?
You were there from the first?
Did someone get kicked off that year or something?
And somebody new came in?
No.
Fuck it.
I'm thinking of Cyrus.
But there's a lot of seasons.
There's a million seasons.
I'm thinking like this.
Fuck, I'm thinking of Cyrus from Boston, Real World.
But the reason I always felt like that, just the 90s, I'll say, is I was in the Navy and I tried to get on The Real World.
I could see him there easily.
The Boston cast.
And I remember my buddy, this is before the internet, you had to write a letter.
So I wrote a letter to Bina Murray.
You didn't tell him you were gay at the beginning of the letter.
No, no.
I told him I like black women.
Oh, yeah.
And so I said, the perfect house would be me with seven black girls.
You know what I mean?
And then here's what's funny.
Who are you, Scott Storch, bro?
That was my thing.
I go, hey, guys, I love black women.
Let's do me and seven black girls, you know?
And then they said they sent me a letter back.
Like, I got a letter back and they said, put yourself on tape.
So my buddy worked at Good Guys.
So we sent like literally 100 TVs up.
So everything I did was magnified by 100.
Wow.
And then I had like a black girl walk in and I go, and then they asked me to come up and get interviewed.
And I got interviewed and then I didn't get it, obviously.
But it was the Boston like 96 season.
Oh, yeah.
And what was crazy is I'm active duty.
So how would I have Done it anyways.
Like, I still had a year left.
You'd have to ask for leave, and they might not have given it to you.
So, when I see that season, there was the black girl that went to Stanford that didn't like interracial dating, but then they went on vacation.
She banged the white dude on vacation.
I went, I was supposed to bang her.
Like, literally, I was like, I was, I was supposed to bang her.
That was supposed to be.
I was watching like I see what you did there.
That was supposed to be me.
I found a Heather at Martha's Vineyard.
I was looking at it like this.
And then it was funny because when I sent in all the tape, like, I like black girls.
Do me with seven black girls.
A big arch of that season was Cyrus dated a lot of white women and the black girl didn't approve of it.
So in a way, it was like they addressed what I had talked about in my video.
You know what I mean?
I was like, dad, it's funny.
I was like, I would have been a great asshit.
And that season was kind of boring.
Yeah.
Boston.
Yeah, I don't even remember it.
I remember the first season of the Real World I remember was when Real World Hawaii went.
I mean, I remember some of the other ones, but the first one I watched, I just remember Tech jumping into that swimming pool.
Naked?
I don't know if he was naked.
Naked, was he?
Yeah, he got naked.
I didn't notice that.
Oh, I did.
They blurred him out.
How do I look at Tech?
What do you say?
Bro.
It's like an 18-inch sensor bar.
Yeah.
But I thought he first out of the TV.
Yeah, he was one of the first to start getting like, well, no, the guy from the first season was the ripped guy from New York.
Oh, Eric Neese.
Eric, yeah, he was the first one.
He got like spinoffs and shit like that.
Yeah, he was a real G. But yeah, man, I'm trying to think of...
What were we talking about?
Reality TV in the comedy store.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, yeah, I'll think, oh, you mentioned that Esty and Adam just got those things.
Yeah, and then you said, yeah, it's like people can make their own destinies now.
It's like, yeah, you don't have to have.
Like, I mean, one of the reasons why some people got into podcasting was like, I couldn't find a TV show or anything.
I couldn't even be represented out here.
You know, like, they were not, they're not putting anybody from, like, I don't consider, I mean, I'm from the South.
I don't consider myself like a redneck, though, you know, like, but they're not putting any, they weren't putting anybody that even represented me, I felt like.
So it was like, I had to start a podcast to even just, you know, have anything to be able to say anything, I felt like.
Yeah, I think people gravitate to podcasts because you are unfiltered.
Yeah.
You know, like I did online last week, I talked about an argument I had backstage with my opener.
Really?
And it was a legit, I was throwing food at him.
I was so pissed because he yelled at me.
It wasn't about the food.
It was like, did you just yell at me?
What'd you throw at him?
I got another one.
Fried rice and egg rolls.
Oh, my God.
And he was Asian.
Oh, wow.
So he's Cambodian.
Wait, let me tell you what happened.
And Cambodian, let's be honest, dude, it's Asian, bro, but it's also a little something else, okay?
They're being wild.
It's the other of Asian.
Even Asian people are like, I'm not going out there.
It is Way Asian, bro.
It's past Asia, bro.
You're out there, dude.
Well, here's what happened.
Because I want to hear about this, man, because people often say that you're hard to deal with.
So I want to hear what happened.
I want to hear about that.
Brian Kellen.
We talked about that.
I was talking to your guys before I got on here.
I go, dude, I go, you know, the internet's notorious for anybody says anything good about you, you don't hear shit.
They say something bad, I get DMs and Twitter tags and everything.
And the Brian Kellen, Brendan Shaw, when they, when I, oh, my wife got profiled on Delta and they brought it up and they go, and Brian goes, yeah, I heard that guy's hard to deal with.
I was like, what?
So I watched it.
It really was, Brian even said, he goes, I don't know why I said that.
I should have said that.
But they call you the, dude, they call you the pink Chris Tucker.
That's what I hear all the time.
The pink Chris Tucker?
I thought it was the white Carl Malone.
I'm like the only one.
He was the only black guy with a John Deere deal.
You know what I mean?
Like, I'm the only black guy at the barbershop.
I'm the only white guy at the barbershop where my pictures on the haircut.
If you're a white guy, you want that Gary Owen right there.
On the poster?
Tell the black guys of me.
No, let me see what happened in Dallas.
I want to hear about that.
It's not hard to deal with.
But it's not about the food that I threw.
It was that he yelled at me as what made me throw the food.
Because before I went on stage, you know, comic cook food isn't the best.
I'm over 40. I'm trying to eat good.
So I literally just told him, I said, go anywhere, just get some brown rice and terrake chicken.
That's anywhere.
So they couldn't find the place that they said they were going to order it from, they couldn't get it.
So I get off stage.
So you're hot.
You got three shows at night.
You just want to eat.
You're like, okay, get your palates ready for some.
And they ordered Thai food.
And I was like, I don't, you guys know me.
I don't like Thai food.
So automatic, I'm like, why would you order Thai food?
Yeah.
Of anything.
You could have got me a salad, right?
So then I opened it.
The vegetables looked all it just looked bad.
All the food looked like, I was like, so now I'm not happy.
The only thing that looked good, and you know, Asian food comes into big containers, was this big container of noodles and veggies and chicken.
I go, that looks good.
So I take the fork and the comedy club brought us plates.
So I take the fork and I'm taking some noodles and put on a plate.
And I was going to take some other stuff too and just make a plate of little samples, everything.
So open container, my opener comes in, say, goes, hey, those are mine.
Those are mine.
Those are mine.
I said, okay.
I was like, I'm just going to take a little bit.
Is that okay?
And he was like, oh, yeah, it's fine.
Okay.
So I take the noodles and then he takes it and it's a big container and he puts his fork in it immediately and starts eating it.
So we still got two other people in the green room that's got to eat.
And I looked at him, I said, Say, you know, you're being selfish, right?
Like, you should have, I'm thinking in my brain, you should have offered something to the other people in the room.
Right.
And he goes, huh?
I go, you know, you're being selfish, right?
And he just went from zero to 10. He goes, I'm not being selfish.
And it was when he yelled at me, I went, what?
It was like in a movie and I just grabbed the nearest thing that's on this container of fried rice.
I go, get the fuck out.
And as he's leaving the room, I'm throwing one egg roll at a time.
I go, get the fuck out.
Oh, yeah, bro.
So he gets out.
That's like the Laotian Olympics.
Then he comes back in and he yells again.
He's like, I was just trying to, and there's one more egg roll.
I said, get the fuck out.
He gets out, right?
So then I calm down.
I go, Okay, I probably overacted, right?
And then my road manager, Brad, he explains it.
He just broke it down.
He goes, man, he's got a real life voice.
Man, I just think, I know, you were hot and you were hungry, and the food wasn't there that you wanted.
And in Say's mind, those were his noodles.
Yeah.
So you were eating his noodles.
I go, yeah, you probably right.
But he just yelled at me, man.
Actually, I could have had a discussion about it.
It was him yelling that set me off.
And then we're laughing about an hour later.
But I talked about it on my podcast, right, last week.
And I'm telling people a story.
At no point did I say I was right or wrong.
I was just telling a story.
But some people were like, you know, you was wrong, Gary.
Or some people was like, I'm looking at you different.
You like a diva.
Those were his noodles.
The funny part is, that's the part is the word noodles makes it funny.
We got an argument over some noodles.
The other two people that had to eat were Brian Cowan and Brendan Shob, so that's why he was upset.
But here's the funny shit about the whole thing.
I didn't throw my plate of food.
I had already made mine.
Say had his noodles in his hand.
Only person that didn't get to eat was Brad.
Yeah.
The romance who had nothing to do with the archie, man.
He goes, man, I ain't getting nothing to eat.
He got his eight old food.
You was hot.
And you was hungry.
Yeah, he just broke it down.
Here's where I think happened.
You was hot.
You didn't get the food you wanted.
Those were his noodles.
I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, I probably was.
Dude, that is the worst.
It is the worst though, because sometimes you'll have a long day of traveling.
You don't have a chance to eat anything.
You'll get up early.
The layover is really fast.
It'd be 30 minutes.
You have to get to your gate.
And so then, next thing you know, you've had a coffee and a muffin or something and a banana.
You finally get to the place you maybe have a snack or something before you go on stage.
And then you have to do the first show.
You get off.
You want to eat.
That's your time to finally get something to eat.
Right.
And your palate's ready for something.
Yeah.
And that's not like an extravagant dish.
No.
Brown rice and teriyaki chickens, you should be able to get that.
Yeah, you should be able to get it, man.
And especially if he's Cambodian, dude, you can't come up with a little teriyaki chicken, Papa.
Motherfucker.
You the Cambodian.
Call somebody.
Yeah, if I ask you for fucking donuts or something, you know, and you don't know how to come up with a couple, or I ask you for, you know, a couple of Cornish game hens or something.
It's like asking me, you know, where can I get some quiche?
Yeah.
You know?
Tuna casserole.
I can make you that.
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And now, back to the show.
But dude, I remember we worked together at Tone, remember the charity basketball, the basketball thing?
The basketball referee.
Who am I thinking of, brother?
Oh, Tony Son.
Was that in I feel bad his name is Virginia Beach?
Virginia Beach, yeah.
Tony Brothers.
Tony Brothers, yeah.
I forgot about that.
Tony is a sweet man.
He was not happy that night.
He was not happy that night.
Because they booked, they overbooked the theater and the weekend.
And he said, you guys knew I was bringing this show here.
I'm doing this for the community.
And you booked like two other urban comedy shows around it.
Oh, really?
There was like one the week before and like one two weeks after.
And he was like, you killed my show.
I didn't know that.
Yeah, that's right.
He went on stage and told him because I'm not happy about this.
I was like, damn, I never seen somebody go up and thank the people for being there, but then go off on the venue.
And unthank the venue.
Right.
There's a beautiful venue.
Yeah.
It's a beautiful venue, man.
Yeah, you crushed him, man.
I'd never seen you.
I mean, I'd seen you on film and I'd seen you on the internet and stuff, but I'd never seen you on stage before.
Yeah, it's a different beast.
And you, yeah, you really, really.
I get that a lot.
I didn't know it was like that.
Really?
Well, it sounds conceited, but there's a different energy with a black audience.
Yeah.
And being a white guy.
It was blackastic, bro.
It was black tastic, dude.
It was Howard Homecoming.
Yeah, it was something.
It was unique, bro.
I mean, there was people doing that.
They were excited.
You know, I'm the white guy.
Yeah.
For black people.
Oh, you're the extremely strong.
You're the very physical and talented Michael Rappaport, people call you.
I can see that.
Yeah.
Yeah, for real.
I mean, he's a.
I can see that.
And, yeah, it's a different energy.
And I, you know, like I did, I just did my latest special last week in San Antonio.
And even my agent at UTA hadn't seen me live in years.
And he goes, I forgot it was like that.
And I know that sounds conceited.
Right.
No, it doesn't.
It's a different energy.
That's your job.
Live.
Not only that, it's just the reaction when I come on stage.
Right.
Like I said, I am black famous.
There's many black people that walk by.
If they don't know my name, they know my face.
Oh, you're Frederick Douglass almost.
I mean, it's like you, Freddie D, who else?
A couple of other.
I'm trying to think of famous white people that are Larry Bird.
Yeah, Larry Bird.
He ain't going too far.
Yeah, it's very, yeah.
I'm trying to think of famous white guys that are real famous in the black community.
But it's crazy, like it is a different, black Hollywood and Hollywood is different because I heard stories about Philip Seymour Huffman, and I don't know if it's true, but I got it from a reliable source.
He used to go to like the Starbucks in the urban neighborhoods because he could sit down and read and be left alone.
Oh, wow.
And like, nobody knew who he was.
I like this.
He goes to like the Magic Johnson Starbucks.
That's crazy.
And just like read.
And somebody'd be like, dude, that.
And somebody told me, they go, yo, that dude from that movie.
Yeah, that dude.
The dude.
You know, I'm a fucking idiot.
I'm a fucking idiot.
That dude from Boogie Nights.
And you do the opposite.
You go to like nice white people.
I go to Salt Lake to get away.
I go to Park City.
I was in DC and it was funny.
I was telling them on stage, I go, dude, I'm in D.C. I did not get stopped one time by a white person in five days, but I couldn't go a block.
The got me was the homeless motherfucker stopped me.
Oh, you couldn't go a block?
I know the homeless dude stopped me.
I'm like, God damn.
That's when you know.
This motherfucker is homeless.
But if they don't know me, I'm that sold boy.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, that's old boy right there.
That's old boy.
And then what's funny is they'll have a whole conversation, but won't know my name.
And then it's funny to argue with themselves.
Yeah, that's you.
Yeah, you know that's you.
You know, you.
Hey, you, you, right?
Yeah, that's you.
Yeah, you know that's you.
They walk away.
They tell their friend, that's him.
And then they go, oh, that is him.
They're calling their friend, yeah, I saw that dude.
Yeah, you know who?
Yeah, that nobody is.
Yeah, him.
You know, you.
You know?
It's like a who's on first that never ends.
You, you.
You know, you.
You know, you you.
Dude, it was fire, man.
But yeah, do you feel like, though, that did you ever, was that your plan from the beginning kind of to have a black audience or did that just kind of come up like- They choose you.
Right.
I just got on BET early.
Right.
That's where you got your earlier break, huh?
Yeah.
Like, I would have done Telemundo if I could have spoke Spanish.
You know, you break into this.
You just want to, you just want to be funny and get on stage.
Yeah.
And I just, my, my, every TV appearance was, was BET in the beginning.
And for some reason, the movies I got in were black lead actors.
Yeah.
The only movie I've done that was all white cast was a movie called College, and it probably did the worst at the box office.
Wow.
Do you think there's something about you that black people, that really attracts black culture?
Or that like, is it like a like a way that you look or a way that you well, I D.L. Hewley, he broke my, myself down to myself.
Yeah.
He just said, you know, you, you're authentic.
And he said, and your stories are your real life.
It's not like you're up there just doing a joke to get a laugh.
Like you're really telling, like you really went to a black church.
Like your joke was that experience from your perspective.
Right.
You know, and I think, I think a lot of times, too, I'm not putting down people.
I'm just saying it's different.
Right.
You know, there's no put down.
Because I don't, I tell you what gets on my nerves when I see white stand-ups go in front of a black audience and just completely put down white people.
Right.
You know what I mean?
Just to get on the, on black people.
And I even seen some black people in the audience be like, dude, we don't think like that.
Right.
Like, we don't hate white people.
What are you talking about?
You know what I mean?
Right.
That shit, I'd be like, this, dude.
Yeah, it sounds so.
It just, it makes my skin crawl.
Well, that's half of LA these days, man.
I feel like if I get on stage, there's a lot of so many comedians who are like, you know, like apologizing for their white privilege and shit like that.
And that's fine if some of them feel like it was that big of a thing in their life, you know, where somebody came in their room when they were young.
We're like, hey, you're white.
You know, we're going to be.
I've had more issues with white males in my life than black dudes.
All the black dudes have been cool.
Yeah.
The white dudes in my life, I'm like, what the fuck?
Get away from my stepdad.
I can't stand that motherfucker, man.
Good lord.
Hey, my stepdad was every bad black stereotype.
Really?
You know, people, you know, black guys are lazy.
I'm like, nah, Rod's lazy.
Black guys can get a job.
They don't want to get no jobs.
Nah, Rod can get a job.
Who the fuck you talking about?
My stepdad, every time I heard of a bad stereotype about black males, it was my stepdad.
That's hilarious.
I was like, he's worse than all this shit.
That's hilarious.
Who are you describing right now?
Early on, did you have a lot of stories in your stand-up with black culture?
Is that why you think they like...
But, you know, with Open Mic, you're lucky to get up, you know, Open Mic Night was Sunday nights.
And then that was it.
And then I was like, a couple of black guys in the Navy with told me about all these other spots I could get on stage, but you had to go where the black people were.
You know, a lot of mainstream comics, they don't want to do that.
And I was like, where?
Okay, I'll go there.
I'm just naive to everything.
And then I would start doing like karaoke bars.
Like I would, if I couldn't get on stage, I would go like a karaoke and it was a mic and it was speakers.
And I was like, instead of singing, I would tell jokes.
And people got to know me like, oh, that's the funny dude.
He's not going to sing.
He's going to tell some jokes.
Oh, that's pretty cool.
You know what I mean?
And I would do like musical bits.
I'm not singing.
My jokes was about music.
I remember it's not a very good joke.
So you might lose some listeners.
Oh, we've won it all.
When I make enough shitty jokes, they're in the podcast.
I remember my first joke I'd always tell at the Kyoki bars was about Janet Jackson.
I'd be like, I go, have you guys noticed Janet Jackson, like her first song was Let's Wait a While.
I go, then her second album, the song was Come Back to Me.
I said, well, fuck, you told him to wait and now you're telling to come back.
I go, now this latest album was Anytime, Any Place.
I go, somebody turned that motherfucker out.
You know what I mean?
And then that opened up, like, oh, okay, he's just talking shit about musicians.
So a lot of it was just like whatever songs was hot.
Yeah.
I would just make fun of them at the karaoke spots.
Do you think that you are actually white and you have to like be black in the morning when you get up?
You know what I'm saying, though, kind of?
What do you mean?
Like if we moved a switch on the back of you, it'd be like, well, guys, I hope everything's going well.
No, what am I?
Like, Caitlin Jenner?
Like, deep down, I know I'm black, but there's no surgery to fix it.
Like, God, I wish I could just switch this up a little bit.
No, it works for me being the, I don't want to say fish out of water because I am kind of a fish out of water, but I'm very comfortable in the water.
I'll say it like that.
Yeah.
I've never.
I don't know.
Like, a lot of times I think we feed into what the media tells us.
Yeah.
And that's not been in my experience.
Like, I don't.
Yeah, dude.
I don't let, yeah, I mean, my day-to-day dealings with people, I don't see too many people just out and out hating somebody else because of their skin color alone.
Yeah, totally.
Now, I mean, I'm more scared of white guys with tattoos on their face and pants sagging.
Yeah, but these days it's starting to change.
Well, dude, I'm scared.
I'm scared of what I'm scared of is some of, you know, with a lot of, you know, people of different cultures, especially when you have black and white people having children, you start to get a lot of soft black dudes, man.
I'm serious, bro.
These grays, bro.
I've seen a couple of people.
Man, dude, you keep me talking about my kids, man.
You have children?
No, I'm talking about...
I saw some of these mixed kids, they're fucking slow.
It's like, oh, welcome.
You wanted white shit?
You got it, man.
Welcome to these fucking layups.
Enjoy these layups.
Well, that's the problem when you are mixed because the black and you say, dunk it, and the white and you says, pass it out, and you're just fucking confused.
And you become Steph Curry.
Just shoot threes.
Take it to the hole.
No, you got to share.
But the black you say, motherfucker, throw that shit down, bitch.
Dude, we had a black guest, and here we're talking about getting scared.
Who was it?
Donnell Rawlings.
And I've always felt like that black people don't get nervous.
I always felt like.
Didn't you ever stay?
On stage?
No, period.
Like, did you ever, like, white people always felt like we have a thing where we get nervous and like black people don't have that.
Like, I remember asking him, I'm like, dude, do you guys get nervous?
Like, it just doesn't.
Well, the thing about it is white people have way more skeletons in their closet than black people.
Right.
You know, black people, like, historically, especially in this country, their history is laid out there.
Yeah.
White people, we did a lot of dirty shit, but we don't want to talk about it.
Yeah.
We did some dirty.
Like, I was just in Tulsa a couple weeks ago, and I found out about Black Wall Street.
You heard about that?
Uh-uh.
In 2021, it'll be the 100-year anniversary.
And it was like this 36-block area of Tulsa that black people were flourishing.
Like, they had supermarkets and doctor's office and clubs and restaurants and big homes.
They were like living in a bubble.
And all of a sudden, this black teenager got caught with this white girl and they didn't even do anything.
They just got caught together alone in a building.
And all the white people came after this black teenager.
And the sheriff was like, no, the white girl's not present charges.
He didn't do anything wrong.
And this mom mentality happened.
And they just started literally murdering black people on their front porches.
Jesus.
And they looted the businesses.
And then the National Guard came in and bombed Black Wall Street, like completely bombed it.
And it was like, for what?
And then I'm sitting there.
I'm like, I never even heard of this.
And then this girl gave me an entire breakdown of what happened.
And then she said, what's crazy about the aftermath is like there'd be like black women walking down the street years later and they'd see a white lady with like her watch on or her necklace.
And you just, what are you going to do?
You can't do anything.
Oh, that was from one of their friends.
From their store or their house.
Oh, wow.
You know what I mean?
And it was like, it's a dirty part of American history.
And I would put money because it's coming off the 100-year anniversary.
There'll be a movie or a TV show about it soon.
Because I just heard, I was like, what?
How did I hear about it?
I've heard the term Black Wall Street.
I just didn't know what it meant.
Do you think sometimes that too many movies and media want to like are just making money even more off of just rehashing a bad past instead of like finding solution and stuff and moving forward?
Yeah, I mean, it's part of our history, though.
So it happened.
Do you feel like sometimes, though, it's like they don't always give like every side of the story?
It feels like sometimes there's only just one side of a story.
You know, sometimes it's like at a certain point, aren't they just using black people again?
Like, by using these stories just to make money when a lot of people are, it feels to me like a lot of people are moving forward.
And sometimes it's just like a regurgitation of, you know, like, how many times can you make people that currently?
Like a slave movie?
You're going to make another slave movie?
Sometimes, yeah, it's like, at what point do you say, look, let's just make a movie just, you know, how many times do we have to do this same exact movie, you know?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean.
It's like, because then they're just using black people again, because I'm sure it's a lot of white ownership that owns these studios, to then once again make money, but this time they're doing it under the guise of that we're helping black America.
Yeah, I mean, there's definitely a disconnect between the powers that be that are the head of these studios, you know, because they just don't know.
That's like, we're stand-ups.
I don't, this is what I get about stand-ups and we're talking about sitcoms and everything else is the state of sitcoms is so bad right now because if I'm the head of a network, I want to take a stand-up that's on the road grinding because I feel like they have the pulse of what the country's going through, especially the flyover states.
And you got guys in New York and LA, they're not in Nebraska.
They're not in Iowa.
They don't know what's making those people tick.
Oh, and not only that, but then these same networks go and make fun of those people and they like didn't like, you know, it just seems like a lot of times that good people who haven't done a lot of stuff wrong have really been through enough, but these, but it's just like, how many times are we going to bring stuff up that something I didn't do, something I didn't have a part of and I would never be a part of, you know, but it's like, I mean, I don't know.
Did you watch Central Park?
Did you watch it yet?
When they saw it.
Avid is something cool with that.
It definitely was those four boys got railroaded.
Yeah.
That's what I heard.
But you also see when one of them goes to prison, one of them really had a bad.
Corey Wise is one of them.
Like he got it the worst and he didn't do anything.
He just went to go support his friend at the police station, basically.
Wow.
And they brought him in.
And he's the one that caught the worst, did the most time, had the roughest time.
But they showed how one guard at Rikers was kind of a dick to him and was using them.
And he had to give him like all this extra shit to protect him, basically.
And I don't know what that guard was.
Would he be mixed or black?
I don't know.
But then when he got transferred, there was a white guard that really looked out for him, you know, was fair, gave him bookstream when he was in solitary.
You know what I mean?
And it was just a, and it was never brought up.
It's not like the white cop helped me.
It was just there.
And like, I thought it was cool how she made that apparent.
You know, to me, I noticed it.
I don't know if everybody else did, but I noticed it.
Right.
You got a kid that don't trust anybody.
It's been railroaded about the white people.
But it was the white guard that would kind of went like, it was similar to that in Hurricane with Denzel.
Remember the white guard was the one that was like happy for him when he got exonerated and he was like looking out for him a little bit in the prison.
I don't remember that part.
I mean, I believe it.
It was the guy.
It was the guy from, God, what is his name?
He's in a lot of freaking movies, man.
My favorite movie he was in was Bad Boys, not with Will Smith, the one with Sean Penn when he was a teenager in prison.
You see that one?
Came out in like 81. Uh-uh.
That's a great.
I was one years old.
Yeah, but it comes out.
I saw The Wizard of Oz.
It came out in 46. Yeah, I think.
You can't see him, Theo.
Dude, I was one.
What is it?
I don't see movies in Fortnite.
I don't want you to visit me walking into the fucking theater.
Didn't you see that?
No, Bad Boys.
Look up Bad Boys with Sean Penn.
That's a great fucking movie, man.
Really?
I love Sean Penn, man.
83. 83. Great flick, dude.
Brutal, though.
Fuck it.
That guy with the blonde hair, curly hair, dude.
Yeah.
What's his name?
Rini Santorini?
That's not him.
Santoni?
No, he's got a normal name.
Isa Morales.
Clancy Brown?
Isa Morales.
I don't know.
His name's Clant.
That fucking guy's name is Clancy Brown.
What's his name in the movie?
Do you know?
I don't know.
He was the blonde hair guy.
There was a picture of him.
You guys went away from it.
The blonde hair curly guy.
That guy.
His name's Clancy Brown?
That's Clancy Brown.
Yeah, you know who that is?
He was in.
Yeah, Shawshank.
He was the guard in Shawsank.
It was bad.
But he was in Hurricane.
Wow.
He looked out for Denzel and Hurricane.
That guy's a great actor.
He plays a lot of prison guards, evidently.
Clearly.
Shawsank was a bad one.
Bad Boys, he was one of the gangsters.
He was one of the kids in there because it's Sean, it's about guys going to this terrible juvie home.
Man, Bad Boys is good, man.
I could watch Bad Boys.
I would watch that.
Do you feel like when something's released in black culture, you're like, oh, fuck, I got to watch this.
No, I'd be like, why am I not in it?
Yeah.
When I see a white guy in a black movie, I'm like, really?
Yeah.
He can't promote like that.
He can't promote like I can promote.
You know what I mean?
It's funny because, you know.
Do people think you were in movies that you were not in?
Oh, it's Malibu's Most Want It.
Yeah.
They think I was in Malibu Monster.
Like we saw, I was talking to your buddy.
I was like, some people think I'm in power right now.
Mice and Men.
Of Maesha and Men.
I could see you in that.
No, any other movies I...
People think I was the lead in that.
Really?
Yeah.
He passed away like 10 years ago.
I could see that, man.
I'm trying to think of some other people.
People think you're Darren Carter if he got on HGH.
I know that sometimes.
Nah, I don't like nothing like Darren.
Darren started in San Diego.
Dude, Darren's funny, man.
You put Darren in front of a big crowd, bro.
I don't know anybody that could kill this hard, man.
I kills, bro.
That's fine.
Like this.
He murdered him.
That's fine.
No, when I started standing up at San Diego, it was funny.
The first couple of times I would go to the comic store and sit in the back and just watch.
I remember it was like Bobby Lee, Darren Carter, was that crew?
I remember Darren one time went up And got a heckler and destroyed him.
And I went, oh my God, this is the one.
First time you see a comic live deal with a heckler, you're like, I got to work on some shit.
I got to go home.
I would have left.
Yeah.
I got to find out who my real dad is.
Yeah.
First time you see a comic do like an hour strong, you're like, holy fuck.
You're like five minutes.
Yeah.
When you first start, that five minutes seems like three hours.
Oh, dude, it's so...
You only have three.
You're like, once you get to that third one.
You got no right or left either.
You can't take a right turn.
You're like, this is it.
I'm going to work on this in the mirror.
Yeah, one guy drops a glass during your first joke and it ruins your whole night.
Ruins your whole drive home.
You don't even acknowledge the crowd.
Like you are on autopilot.
Like literally 9-11 could happen and you're just going through the building.
If there was like an open micer at like a corporate event during 9-11, he would not have acknowledged the building's fault.
He would have still been like, so then my daughter, shit.
You know what I mean?
He wouldn't even acknowledge an open mic.
Two more minutes.
Did they light me?
Oh, that's just a fire department coming.
We got some news topics.
Let's get into a few, Nick.
Sure.
First up, it's been kind of a recurring story on this podcast, but the leader of the Nexium quote-unquote sex cult was convicted on all charges this morning.
They got him.
Where's that at?
It was in L.A. The Allison Madden.
That guy was the lead?
Yeah.
Is that Elizabeth Warren's daughter?
First of all.
That guy was the lead of a sex cult.
Yeah, we had someone from the sex cult on the podcast that I booked.
And the sex cult cured his Tourette's.
Tourette's.
Yeah, we only booked him because he had Tourette's, and we brought him in here.
And the whole time, he thought it was a setup, and we were going to ask him about this sex cult.
But then it came out throughout the interview.
And yeah, so we've just learned more about it.
And we had Michael Rosenbaum in, who was cast members with Allison Mack, who was also, she caught charges in this.
Now, what about?
He branded them?
Huh?
Well, look, dude, you can't have people.
Look, you can't have your sex culties getting into the neighbor's sex culte's yard.
Good lord.
You know, I'm just saying, man, you can't have, you know.
I'm just amazed that this guy was the leader.
Bro, if Brenda jumps the fence, you got to know, you know.
Here's what I'm going to ask you here is, what'd you think about that R. Kelly sex cult, man?
What was going on?
I know you got your whole life on the pulse of black culture.
So what was going on there?
Because you're in the Midwest.
You're in Cincinnati.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, it's just.
Did you know what was going on over the years?
Not until the piss tape came out.
But then when was that?
But R. Kelly had the deep pockets.
He had a lot of No.
No.
I didn't even get tickets to his concert.
Nothing.
No, I bought 12-play like everybody else.
Me too.
No, he, you know, he had a lot of the Chicago PD in his pocket.
And then when the money wasn't there, can't help you.
All of a sudden, now everybody's got lawsuits and tapes coming out.
But I watched the Surviving R. Kelly, and I was more like, those parents, the two girls now that he has, those parents brought those girls around.
That's like fame is a drug, man.
They brought their daughters around going, oh, well, he was exonerated.
He wasn't guilty.
I'm like, really?
There's a tape.
But there's such naive.
Right.
And there's such naive.
There seems to be this strange naivety amongst parents almost because the same thing happened with the Michael Jackson.
With the families just repeatedly bringing the kids around, knowing the kids were in very precarious situations.
As a parent.
You didn't get it alone either.
Right.
But as a parent, do you see how that kind of, I mean, how could something like that kind of happen?
For some parents, fame is intoxicating, and you're almost in awe.
I mean, think about a religious figure.
I mean, Michael Jackson was as close as you can get to damn near the Pope.
You know what I mean?
Like, holy shit.
The biggest star on earth likes my family.
Wants to hang out.
The weird thing about the Surviving Neverland, which I don't believe, some of it I didn't believe.
I think they were indulging some of it.
But the fact that Mike would just go to somebody's house in the valley.
Yeah.
Just be walking down the street.
Can you imagine doing the dishes?
Like, oh my fucking look at Michael Dex.
Walking down the street.
Just checking the mail.
What the fuck?
That's old boy.
That's old boy right there.
That's you.
No, that's you, you.
You and the Billie G. Yeah, that's you, thriller, Billy G. Where your coat at?
Yeah.
I was on stage actually doing an open mic here in LA at Westwood Brewing Company.
This is probably maybe 13 years ago.
And there's a window outside that goes to the alley.
And across from that, there's an Oz, A-A-H-H-S, costume shop.
And Michael Jackson pulled up there one night with his kids and got out of a car after hours.
And they let him into the costume shop.
And he was just sitting there buying stuff.
And then got back into their car and left.
Yeah.
I was on stage, man.
It's crazy.
And I literally looked out the window and I was like, oh, Michael Jackson's out there with his children going into the costume shop.
It's fucking crazy.
I thought I would get to meet him.
I had a development deal with Quincy Jones and we had it for two years and we just couldn't get the show off the ground for whatever reason.
But I was always over like Quincy's house trying to develop and everything.
And I kept just thinking, I know I'm going to go there one day and Mike's just going to be there.
Wow.
I know it.
And Quincy's got the best stories.
Does he?
And you know, he's not lying.
Some people like indulge, like that Michael Jackson story.
I don't know if I really believe you.
Yeah.
I mean, like, trust you?
I barely believe me.
But I'm like this.
I think that might have been Jackie.
Yeah.
That was Tito.
It's not Mike, dude.
Sounds good.
I'm just kidding.
But like Quincy's stories, you know, he's telling the truth.
Like when he's talking about Frank Sinatra and the rap pack and shit like this.
I just couldn't get enough of it.
Because he would, we, half the time I was with Quincy, it would be like, we'd be trying to put a show together, but the show would take 15 minutes and then it'd be a two-hour session of him just talking about life and shit that he's seen and everything else.
You know what I mean?
I was like.
He've been through a lot, huh?
I mean, he's seen it all.
He's seen it all.
MJ, All of it.
What about what was that?
I heard this is maybe a couple years ago that you and Cat Williams had an investment or something together.
I don't know if it was a food, a restaurant.
Nope.
I want to say Whataburger or something, but I'm not sure.
The only person ever asked me to invest in a restaurant was Nick Lachey.
Really?
He opened up the bar, Lachey's, and he tried to get, and he opened the bar in the restaurant, but he was trying to get all like Cincinnati investors.
So he got like a couple, a couple of the Reds and the Bengals and other people in there.
And it just, when I talked to my accountant, he was just like, restaurants aren't a good investment.
We're not doing that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You don't want to put up any, that amount of money for that.
So you and Cat Williams never did like a Whataburger or anything like that?
What did I hear?
I don't know where you hear that at.
Have you ever worked with Cat Williams or met him?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Every black comic I know, Trust.
I've worked with every one of them.
Wow.
What is Cat Williams like?
Because I saw him one time, right?
He was riding on a bicycle with that had those, it had like these kind of lights in the wheels down Sunset Boulevard with a couple of other guys.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
He reminds me of a kid, kind of.
He marches to the beat of his own drum without question.
Like, you know, you got to realize I've known Cat since 98. Wow.
So that's when he first, he had one tooth in the front, you know?
And then, but he was, it was crazy.
Cat always rolled like he was a huge star.
Even when he was like featuring, he had a bodyguard.
Wow.
Even when he got on jet blue, he had a bunch of fake chains on.
Like he was rolling like I'm the guy and just waiting for it.
And then when he got Friday, the second Friday, it was like that part was written for him.
Nobody else could play that.
Yeah.
You know, I mean, other people could, but.
It was him.
It was all him.
You know what I mean?
So he always rolled like he had.
He did one of the, and I've said this on stage.
He did one of the coolest things a comic ever did for me after a show one night.
We were in Austin, Texas.
And it literally was a two, it might have been one other person, but it's me and Kat on the show.
And it was a weird time in his career because six months prior, we had to Kent State and he was bubbling like people knew him, but kind of knew him, right?
And then all of a sudden I got this contract and we were at the basketball arena where the University of Texas plays.
I go, why would we be there?
I'm thinking me and Kat are good for like 1,500 seats, not 10,000, right?
And I get there and I go, oh, fuck, this guy popped in six months, right?
Wow.
Is that pretty crazy to see?
What was it like to kind of witness something like that?
You just like, it happened.
I don't really think about it.
Do you even think it could happen?
Was it the first time you kind of saw something like that happen?
Yeah, I was like, you're more like how?
Like, what was it that made him pop?
Because I think we're, every now and then it happens, like with Tiffany Haddison Girls' Trip, there's that one role that people just boom.
But I think it's more now you just pepper people.
You keep peppering them.
And then hopefully you mason.
Yeah, then you make them right.
But I don't know.
You know, Friday had been out for a couple years and then the HBO special came out and whatever he just popped.
And it was crazy.
So we get done with the show.
And then my limo, we had two separate limousines.
So my buddies were in town.
And I was like, I asked my driver, I said, yo, can I get the limo for a couple more hours?
And he was like, it's 300 bucks.
And I was like, all right.
So I tried to give him cash and he wouldn't take it.
He goes, I need a credit card.
And I go, but it's cash.
You ain't got to tell nobody, dude.
Just take it.
He goes, dude, I can't.
Company policy.
As I'm having the discussion, Kat pulled up.
And Kat goes, hey, Gary, what's going on?
You going out?
What are you doing?
I said, yeah, I'm going out for a couple hours.
I said, my driver said he don't take cash.
He needs a credit card.
And Kat goes, hold on.
He took my driver around the back of his limo.
And to this day, I don't know how much money he gave my driver.
All I know is Kat walked by me and this is all he said.
He goes, he's yours for the evening, Gary.
Enjoy your night.
Oh, yes, they do accept cash.
He just laughed.
And I went, thanks.
I had never had service like this in my life.
That dude, I think he pulled in the club.
We went to the club and we were in it.
I saw it out front.
That's on here.
You know what I mean?
And then the guy was there the next morning.
I got back to the room, went to bed, woke up.
He was still standing by the car.
I go, how much fucking money did Cat give this guy?
But it was just cool like that.
But I heard Kat was notorious for like the $100 handshakes.
Like he'd tip somebody and there'd just be a hundred in their hand.
Yeah.
He just loves that lifestyle.
He loves to be able to help out.
He loves to be able to, it's just something he likes to do.
He's a pimp.
You know what I mean?
He really is, yeah.
But you don't know, you don't know what cat you're getting sometimes.
Personally, I've never seen the wild bad cat.
Oh, it could be a care about a cat.
It could be an alley cat.
It could be a house cat.
It could be a saberter tooth tiger.
Yeah, you don't know what you're getting that day.
But I've never had any real issues with any comics as far as confronting me or what about trap house stuff because I know you know they have a lot of black trap house activity.
Have you ever been involved in anything?
Nope.
Well, damn.
I'm fresh Prince Black, man.
This ain't the wire.
Oh, damn.
What the fuck said trap house activity?
I'm just trying to.
Yeah, man.
I'm leaving here.
Dude, I'm just trying to.
That's how I thought I'm a lot of comics hustle merch.
I hustle Coke after my shows.
Dude, tell me everything you know, man.
I don't know about LeVar Ball, okay?
Do you think LeVar Ball cares about his children?
That's what I want to know.
Yeah, they're mixed, like you said.
Watered down.
If that dude was all black, God, Lonzo would be a big one.
Can you imagine?
Well, first of all, Lonzo.
They would have never traded them.
They would have never traded him.
There's no way.
LeBron, who?
The other one is Legit.
Lamello?
Yeah, LaMello, dude.
That's a soda.
Okay.
Yeah, I know, right?
Mellow, yellow.
Don't you miss good?
Like, when I was growing up, they had wild black names.
Blizzard?
You met a Blizzard?
In the South, man.
We had a Blizzard.
Magma?
Magma Jackson.
Yep, Magma.
Coincidence?
Okay, go to Facebook and find me fucking Magma Jackson.
Find me Blizzard.
I was taking Theo's word for it.
Go to Facebook and just pull up Blizzard and see if any names pop up.
Like, if you put up Mary Jones, there's going to be a million Mary Jones that come down.
See how many people are named Blizzard.
It's Blizz Wilson or Zard Wilson.
He's not real.
Come on, Blizzard.
Come on.
Come on, Blizzard.
Theo's like, fuck.
Come on, Blizz.
Oh, it's not coming up.
Nick, well, let's get to some other news then.
We have two page recognition.
And we all know Theo's from Boston.
Right?
Theo went to private school.
Where's Blizzard at?
Oh, we're looking for a first name Blizzard.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, that could be him down there.
That's Terence Blizzard.
Blizzard Jackson.
There we go.
There he is.
He's on MySpace.
Even Facebook's like, dude.
Yeah, I broke the search.
Look, you know what's going to come up?
Theo's lying.
He might go by BJ.
Just put in BJ and see what comes up.
Blizzard Jackson.
Oh, shit.
There you go.
Gang, gang, boy.
He's white.
Huh?
Blizzard Jackson's white as hell.
We don't know.
That's just, I mean, look, he could put anybody to this.
I think it's like Sammy Selsa.
He's got all black friends.
All white friends.
He's got 17 friends.
Oh, that seems like about him, kind of.
He was very much kept to himself.
Did you really know a guy named Blizzard Jackson?
100%.
Where is he from?
BJ, they called him.
He's from Slodell, Louisiana.
Slidell's outside of New Orleans, right?
Yep, they called him Bliz.
Some people call him Blizzard.
Some people call him Zard.
Magma Jackson?
And I'm not going to say they were related, but I was just saying they had a similar last name.
What about coincidence, Carter?
Oh, man, he must have passed.
I definitely spelled that wrong.
I'm just saying, man.
And you might have passed away.
All these people Theo's talking about like, not ringing the bell.
I think it has a couple Qs in it.
Let's get to some more news.
What else do we have, man?
We actually also have a couple Patreon questions for Gary.
Okay, let's get to that then.
You got it.
You got it.
All right, cool.
Question one from John Page.
Gary, do you feel like you have a sort of special permission to dive deeper into jokes that analyze black culture because your wife is African American?
Yeah, yeah.
Like I said, the black people trust me.
Yeah.
You know, I'm a friend.
I'm a friend when they come here.
You got to start playing the middleman, dude.
It's if there's any miscommunications, you know?
I'm here.
Just white America don't know yet.
Okay.
That's why when you said questions, you got two.
Okay.
We got two questions for Gary.
Well, we actually had a lot, but we only picked two of these.
And the second one was from Dalton Wyndham.
It was, what was the craziest thing you've ever seen happen at a comedy club?
Crazy thing.
Oh, man.
Most of it's in the early days because when you're open micing, you're hitting bars.
You see some wild shit.
For me personally, No, I got escorted.
I was in Louisville, Kentucky, and it was the night before Thanksgiving.
It was a big party night.
And this guy named Spike Davis had a one-night.
Look him up.
Spike Davis is legit.
You're going to find Spike Davis.
I'll look him up, dude.
Watch how fast Spike Davis pulls up.
Bam!
Holy shit.
And he's from Louisville.
What the fuck?
Okay.
Okay.
We'll accept Spike Davis.
Oh, yeah.
No, you can Google Spike Davis comedian.
Spike Davis.
Where?
Carnival Cruise Line.
Comedian at Carnival.
Comedian.
He's doing cruise lines now?
Yep.
Yeah, that's him.
Look, the University of Louisville.
See, my shit pops up.
I don't know who you'd be lying to, Leo.
But this guy, okay, to this guy, Spike Davis, he had a Wednesday night in Louisville.
And the problem with his show was, you know, the chairs are on a dance floor.
And the later it gets, the night turned into a club.
So the comedy is supposed to start at 8. It should be over by 10. So people get, well, the show starts late.
Then I'm the headliner.
So I'm going up late.
So by the time I hit the stage, pushing 10.30, 1045.
So people start to come in that want to go party.
So you're fighting these, you know, the people here are laughing, but the people are here, they're ready to party.
They're like, get this fucking dude off the stage.
We're ready to party.
So you're dealing with it.
So I start getting hecklers.
So I'm having fun with this one guy.
Like we're going back and forth.
And it's actually galvanizing the crowd because now everybody's in on it.
But I said, hey, man, why don't you come on stage, man?
We can play the dozens.
You know, not knowing two people didn't like me.
So I turn around and I think, from me to you, there was two brothers, gold fronts, didn't like they have shit to lose.
They were just on the stage.
And I went, oh, shit.
I jumped off the stage into the DJ booth and I still had the mic.
Back then, I could get, dude, when your life's in danger, you can jump off.
Watch this.
Watch Peter Parker.
So I'm still got the mic talking shit to him, right?
And they're getting upset.
So they literally, they escorted him out.
I didn't know they had undercover people in the club, right?
Police officers.
They escorted the guys out.
They literally, I'm not lying, they had me ducking down, took me out a back door and got in a car.
And the guy had his pistol out driving me to the hotel.
And I was like, what the fuck's going on?
They go, dude, we're just playing safe.
I think they were just, they didn't tell me.
Clearly, those guys were trouble.
So they was like, we're just playing it safe.
You know, take me back to the hotel.
So I get back to the hotel and they go, they were going to have somebody sit in the parking lot until I left the next day.
I go, dude, I'm leaving tonight.
Damn.
So this dude followed, and I was living in Cincy, so it's just like an hour and a two-hour drive.
Is this the Underground Railroad, dude?
No.
So the dude followed me.
Literally, he followed me back till I got on 75. And then once I got on the highway, he like flax flashes lights and he veered off.
And then I just drove back home.
I was like, what the fuck was all that?
Why does Spike call me like after the weekend and goes, hey, man, they love you down here, man.
They want you back.
I was like, I will never be back in that fucking club.
The fact that he waited like four days, like, I'm going to forget.
I got escorted out.
Hey, man, they love you down here.
He never brought up.
I got escorted out.
Dudes rushed the stage.
They love you down here, man.
They want you back.
I will never be back in your club, bro.
Never.
And I got sucker punched in Detroit after a show.
Oh, wow, dude.
I've been doing it 20 years.
This is minor shit.
Yeah, that's true, actually.
And all this shit happened early.
None of this shit has happened in the last 10 years, right?
So I'm in Detroit, and after my show, I go to this place called the Lyceum, right?
I'm not lying.
Like, Theo shit, I'm like this.
I'm not lying.
Like, all my shit is legit.
You can find Lyceum Nightclub in Detroit, Michigan.
Yeah.
Let's see if that's a real name.
I don't know how you spell it.
I don't know how you spell it.
Lyceum was the name.
Look at Lyceum Hansen, too.
Okay, I went to junior highway.
I'm just saying, man.
He's out there.
Oh, they never heard of it.
It says right there.
Uh-huh.
Uh-uh.
Watch how that shit pops up.
I mean, Kim is 10 years ago.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It never happened.
There's pictures of it, man.
Dude, that could be anything, man.
You spelling it wrong.
There's an S. There's an S in it.
He's a fucking guy on a spell.
That's your problem.
Oh, he's fine, dude.
That guy is doing fine, dude.
Dude, it's called Lyceum.
E-lyceum?
I think it was an E in the front.
Who gives it that?
They are the E in the front.
No, fuck this.
E Lyceum.
Elysium.
Elysium Lounge.
Oh, my God.
Gary told the truth again.
So anyways, closed.
All right.
So I'm at Elyseum Lounge.
That thing got three stars, dude.
Hey, shut up.
Look, it was after my show.
We go to Elysium, right?
And when I walked in, like, these three girls was like, Gary, can we get a picture?
I was like, yeah, so take a picture with him.
Then I go to the bar.
I got my buddy Reggie and his wife, right?
So the bartender comes and goes, $125 for three drinks.
I was like, what?
I go, how much are the drinks?
They go, well, those girls said you were buying their drinks too.
Without even looking at the girls, I looked at the bartender.
I go, oh, I'm not buying no bitches' drinks here tonight.
And all of a sudden, I turned around.
The girl's like, you call us a bitch?
And I was like, no, I said bitches per se, like bitches.
But I never got to say that.
I don't know where these fists came from, but these dudes went bing, bing, bing.
Like I got hit three times.
From men?
Yeah.
Over the girls, right?
I don't even know who the dudes were to this day.
Yeah.
Right.
And I literally just hit my buddy Reggie.
I go, let's go, man.
This place is whack.
So I just walked out of club.
Now I'm in the car and I'm in the rearview mirror, like looking like this to make sure I'm not cut up.
I'm fine.
And then his wife comes out.
Reggie's wife comes out, her girlfriend.
She's like, she's hysterical.
She goes, are you all right?
I said, yeah, yeah.
I go, what happened?
She goes, that was like the funniest and scariest shit.
They said, because you were getting hit, but still talking.
Oh, yeah.
It happened so fast.
So really, I was like, I ain't calling by a bitch.
Let's go, Reg.
This place is whack.
And all I was thinking was, I was on, I just got hired to be on House of Pain that Tyler Perry showed.
Oh, you want to get in trouble?
I didn't start filming yet.
I didn't want to show up dotted up.
There was nothing in me that said fight back or figure out what's going on.
It just said, get the fuck out.
Yeah.
You know, this could get worse.
And I just, I'm just so glad I didn't have any marks on me.
You have a knot up here.
They got me pretty good, really.
But I ducked.
I guess it got me up.
I got punched by a guy on steroids and hit with a fence board once at Mardi Grow by a guy.
Did you just storytime?
Do you?
Excuse me?
No, seriously, no, I got hit.
Do you get more nervous, man, if you're like in an all-black environment?
Do you get nervous sometimes?
Not at all.
Yeah.
I don't really get nervous anymore.
You just...
Oh, nervous on stage?
Just the drive to the comedy club or wherever you're about to perform.
I wish I could get that feeling again.
Yeah.
Because I felt like you just felt like your senses was on 20. You didn't want to hear nothing.
You couldn't talk to anybody in the car.
You're just, you're so, yeah.
I wish I could get that feeling.
Like the open mic days, God, it was such a good feeling inside.
Isn't it so funny that you're so scared then when you can't go back to that feet can't just can't go back in there's no way to get back there really yeah it's it's like it almost felt like when you were playing high school football like before the game oh yeah it's the closest feeling i've had to that you know what i mean so it's like nowadays you're just it's you know you're not like nervous you're just like okay it's a job back then you it's not about ticket prices not about ticket sales not about what the check is it's just straight i want these people to laugh at these jokes i hope these jokes work yeah now there's so much else that goes with it you're looking at
your guy did you count the room yeah all right what kind of percentage deal we got yeah this ain't teriyaki this ain't teriyaki chicken right we got where's my this ain't teriyaki chicken you back then you like this plastic cambodian yeah you guys don't have a sensia yeah the man i'm drinking fiji fake cambodians dude camphodians bro hey let's take this question that came right here for you uh gary owen's up gary what's up theo gang gang um what's
it like being a bangles fan uh i can name two bangles players ever chado chosenko and uh the endangered species quarterback so i just want to know what what it what's that like man tyler iford icky woods you ever met icky icky's a good dude he lives in since he does he had a he had a tragedy like his son pet his son was a really good high school football player and passed away had like some weird
asthma attack or something came out of nowhere like it shouldn't have killed him yeah he passed away icky's a good dude uh listen man i don't know how that fucker don't know two bingos the greatest offensive tackle in the nfl is anthony munos yeah like and that is not even up for debate yeah so suck a cock dude well i mean yeah no honestly no it's frustrating he's not a position player he's not like you know yeah it's tough being a bingo's fan man it's like an abusive relationship like icon tina turner just keep coming back for
more abuse yeah but we got a new coach got a new regime you know i tell you i i caught a lot of little flack last year because i did a video i was kidding and i did a video like hey bingles uh front office you guys can maybe take care of me this year if i want to go to a game or i'm not i'm like one of the few it's like literally me and nicola share the only two people out there that are vocal about being bingles fans yeah that are on tv and and and are out there in entertainment and i called for tickets one time and they said no and
i went really like my publicist called she goes this has never happened gary like they just said no and then the guy sent like an eight-page email explaining why they could not leave me tickets to the game and there was 8,000 empty seats at the stadium and I went you got to be kidding me and then the players start DMing me like we'll leave you tickets like the players right hilarious and then uh it's not about buying the tickets it's just like that's your squad yeah you rep them you go on the NFL network ESPN they know you think they could show Jerry's the Bengals
guy yeah they know everything they should know everything that's going on well I mean that's what you do like like if you see like Seattle they got a 12th man Seattle has a suite the Seahawks where when their celebs come in that are Seahawks fans they they put them in this suite and go to Atlanta you got Samuel Jackson pumping up the Falcons for the game on the on the on the the big screen and everything it's like that's just what you do you take care of you Robert Kraft always takes care of the Boston guys.
Right.
So today he's got two.
Well, they should include something fun and something exciting.
Do you feel like...
What did they say in the email?
I go, oh my God, when they went to England three years ago, the Redskins left me tickets.
I was like, you got to be kidding me.
The Redskins front office was like, yeah, we got you.
Left me field passes, tickets.
And I'm like, the bingles are like, nah.
Can't do it.
And then last year, so the.
Do you still go to the games?
Yeah,'cause it's not the, And they rep my city and the players have nothing to do with that.
It's just it's a mom and pops run organization.
And, you know, it was crazy because last year I did a funny video going, hey, Bingles, you think if I go to a game this year, you guys maybe can take care of me?
And I gave him like a wink, like an Instagram post.
So I guess they got a lot of emails from fans going, how you not take care of our guy?
You know, and then so they did this.
This is what they did.
They said, yeah, we're going to leave you tickets and field passes and everything to the first home game.
But we're going to do a contest where people are going to send in like their email and then we're going to pick a name to get to go to the game with you.
I said, great.
So they kind of used it to get people on their email list so they could start sending them like packages like, hey, we got a two-game package for you to go to.
So then I go to the game with these two fans, had a good time with them, and they took care of me.
So then I, Pittsburgh, I found I'm going to be in town on like a week's notice and it's the Steeler game.
So I sent an email to the girl that was my contact.
I go, hey, I'm going to be in town this week.
You think it's cool if I come to the game?
She goes, oh, no, this game's way too popular.
I went, wow.
Damn.
They put you in your place.
So I posted, damn, really, Bingles?
Guess who called?
Bingles, I mean, Pittsburgh's front office.
Wow.
Guess who they've been tickets to the game?
Pittsburgh.
The fucking Steelers.
Damn.
And Steelers was like, we take care of people.
I was like this.
It's a goddamn shade.
Wow.
And do you think it's because of the color of your skin?
No, not at all.
It's just how the Bingles do business.
It's not a very good front office.
And then, so I had Will Packer coming in town.
He's a Bucs fan.
And I was very animate with the Bingles.
Like, if I could pick one game you could take care of me and I want to show this guy.
This is one of the top movie producers in the world.
I was like, he's a Bucs fan.
So me and Will always, he comes to Cincinnati when the Bucs play and I go to Tampa when the Bengals play the Bucs in Tampa.
And it's only every four years because they're in different conferences.
And Will was coming and I asked the Bengals, you know, and they said, yeah, we got you.
They left me row 30 for Will Packer.
I went, no way.
That's still pretty good, man.
That's terrible.
Really?
For one of the biggest producers in the world?
Movie producers?
I don't know who he is, but I don't know who a lot of people are.
You don't know Will Packer?
Okay, he did Think Like a Man, Ride Along, Girls Trip, Night School, Stomp the Yard.
Oh, wow.
Just show debuted yesterday on Oprah's Network Ambitions.
Will's like the guy right now.
Wow.
He's got the big deal with Universal.
Like his movies, he doesn't have one L yet.
All his movies have made money.
Yeah, I just don't know any producers.
Oh, yeah, I recognize him.
Wow.
Yeah, maybe they're just a little bit behind the times.
You think?
You think?
Let's get a couple more.
There's his movies.
There's all his movies.
Wow.
Get them hitters, man.
Wedding Ringer, that sounds bad.
What Men Want?
Jacob's Ladder?
It was about Peeping Toms.
Straight at Compton.
Ride along.
I'm in.
No good, dude.
What are the news we got, Nick?
See, Bella Thorne, her phone was hacked, and they found some of her nudes, and she was being threatened.
And so she decided to release them on her own and to get out in front of it.
And then Whoopi Goldberg was critical of just her taking pictures in the beginning.
Oh, yeah.
And here's what Whoopi had to say.
Take him and put him in.
Listen, if you're famous, I don't care how old you are.
You don't take nude pictures of yourself.
But she only wants to share with one person.
But she said, listen, when they're hacking you, they're hacking all of your stuff.
So whether it's one picture or a million pictures, once you take that picture, it goes into the cloud and it's available to any hacker who wants it.
And if you don't know that in 2019, that this is an issue, you, you.
I agree with her, I think.
And then a lot of people took issue with that and said her logic was flawed.
Like, are you never going to buy stuff online because your credit card could get hacked?
And Bella Thorne put out a tearful response to Whoopi for her victim blaming, essentially.
Yeah.
Well, it wasn't that.
It was just, I think it was Whoopee's tone.
It came across very aggressive.
And she could have sentenced the same thing.
It was like, look, I get it.
You wish you could take pictures and send to your husband or your wife.
My wife sent me one time.
I said, don't ever fucking do that again.
Don't do that shit.
And she goes, what?
I go, don't.
I said, dude, you just can't risk it.
Don't ever send me no new pick.
Ever.
That means I went off on it.
I said, don't do that shit.
Last thing I want is your shit out there, and I got to deal with that.
You know what I mean?
I was fucking jacking off to my wife and she's only that shit.
Hit a Polaroid.
Blizzard Jackson would have definitely jacked off my wife.
Without questioning it.
And it's Genevieve Conquistador.
What was the other guy's name?
No.
Coincidence.
Carter.
Apparently you guys grew up around some fucking weak fucking powder puff motherfuckers, dude.
Yeah.
That's a good thing.
People are using electronics like they, and not even thinking about what they do or what they're capable of.
I mean, that's one thing.
It's like, it's kind of wild that there isn't a class that shows you all the things that actually go on when you have a phone and when you're sending photos to people and all of this, like the transmission, the things that possibly could get stolen, how things could get taken that almost seems like it should be a course that should be for children these days because you don't realize the level of the intense power of a phone that you have in your hand when you send someone a photo.
You don't even, yeah, you're not even thinking, oh, it could go out somewhere.
But this thing's totally capable of that.
You know, you're not even knowing what laws are even attached to it that they could be taking what you're saying and using it to advertise against you.
It seems kind of bizarre.
It also seems like, to me, also, like Bella Thorne seems like a little bit of a fucking nutcase, but so does Wolpi.
So I'm not surprised that both of them.
Well, like I said, that was all her tone.
Like she was basically scolding Bella Thorne instead of saying, look, it's not your fault at all, but you just got to be careful.
You got to realize once you send those nudes, you take that risk.
Yeah, this isn't you drawing a picture and handing it to somebody.
Yeah.
Yeah, for real.
So I think that was just all her tone.
Yeah.
You know, I think that's a good point.
And any most dramatic actresses are sensitive.
Yeah.
Sensitive creatures, man.
Insane, they also say.
At a certain point.
I worked with that girl on the Bad Baby Music video, and she was.
Who Bella Thorne?
Yeah.
And she was, I mean, she's definitely attractive, but I don't know.
I could see anybody, any of those people having an ego that was just, to me, was astronomical, you know?
But then also she's a big star, I guess.
What's her biggest credit?
She came up on a Disney show and was doing that for a while.
And then now she does, she doesn't do like huge studio movies, but she does like the teen stuff like that.
So she wasn't in the trap?
She was in the trap now.
What about the trap six?
I don't know her.
What about this?
What else do we have, Nicholas?
That's kind of it for news.
We're at about 95 minutes.
Okay, cool.
Wow, we're deep, man.
That's what I do, man.
Time with me just flies by.
Tell me, you have any good Gary Minkey stories out of Cincinnati or not?
Holy shit.
How do you know Gary Mankey?
Well, who doesn't know Gary Minkey?
For our listeners, Gary Minkey.
Holy fuck.
You talk about taking me back.
Oh, Gary Minkey.
You're going to get burned eventually.
Oh, dude.
Gary Mankey is a magical little Israelite that lost half of his house.
And I don't know what happened to him.
Fucking Gary Mankey.
But he's like a guy who booked him.
That's a real person.
That's not Blizzard Jackson.
Oh, sure it is.
Many's real.
I don't believe anything you say anymore.
Gary Mankey, okay, Gary Mankey was a guy that, let me tell you, the good and bad thing about Gary Mankey.
If you were struggling and you had a halfway decent name and said, Gary, I need $500.
He would find you a gig somewhere.
Somewhere.
He'd be like, yo, Dover, Delaware.
Somewhere near you.
I got you.
Got you.
You know what I mean?
But just trust you're going to get burned at some point.
And Gary burned me New Year's Eve in Orlando.
I'll never forget it.
I had it probably 2005 or 6, I bet.
So he goes, Gary, man, look, I'm on one New Year's Eve this year.
I said, all right.
I'm okay, but I'm not really moving tickets enough.
I have to be at a comedy club to move tickets.
You can't put me at a place where they don't normally see comedy.
You know what I mean?
So he books me at some club that has a stage that doesn't do comedy, but they do shows.
I'm thinking 12 people were there and they kept holding the show.
And I go, guys, they're not coming.
Like, I'm telling the dude that's there, I go, like, a bus is not about to pull up and 500 people get out.
Let's just do this 12 people and get on with it.
Right.
They didn't have my money, right?
The club guy, like, oh, I didn't make no money, man.
I'm like, well, my deal is with Mickey.
So I'm calling Gary like, yeah, man, we got you.
We got you.
I got it.
I go, Gary, I need something, man.
I done.
So basically, long story short, I didn't get shit.
So I flew down.
The only thing Gary got me was the hotel room.
You know what I mean?
And then it was funny because the guy, his business partner, Gary Mankey is a stumpy white dude.
So he had this, he had this other black dude that was his, the co-promoter on this with Mankey, right?
So the black dudes wanted to pick me from the airport.
And when I left, then I go, don't worry about it.
I don't need to ride home.
I don't need to see you.
I'll deal with Gary.
I don't know you like that, right?
So the black guy had the nerve like a year later to show up and call the Tampa improv to say he knows me and wanted tickets to the show.
And I go, no, that guy's got to buy tickets.
So then he buys tickets.
So then afterwards, he's coming up.
I'm like, you're the Cincinnati Bangladesh all of a sudden.
Right.
Then he comes afterwards, like, doesn't even bring up the fact you guys still owe me money from New Year's.
Wow.
And he's got like his whole crew with them.
And they're taking pictures with me.
And he goes, yeah, I'm going to get one of them t-shirts, man, one of the merch shirts.
Like Brad's like, dude, I go, charge him.
Right.
He was like, so just stared at Brad.
Brad was like, you know, $20.
It was like a stare-off.
Wow.
And he looked at me.
He looked at Brad and I go, and I'm looking at him like, it's $20 for a t-shirt.
Like, he just didn't want to be embarrassed.
He thought he was just going to grab some shit for his people.
Like, we're boys.
I'm like, dude, did you forget?
What happened?
He fucking didn't pay me?
That's Minky, bro.
You know?
They haven't worked in Mickey Sense, but, you know.
Oh, he's a legend.
He's a kid.
Yeah.
Especially in that part of the country.
Yeah.
Tampa to Richmond to Alma.
Florida, up to the Midwest, Missouri, the Stray Animal Belt.
Yeah.
That guy, man, I can't believe Gary Mickey.
Dude, I'll tell you this.
Gary got the best story ever, man.
He had, you know, Gary used to carry a bunch of tickets with him in his pockets, and he'd give them out to people for stuff around town for free stuff.
You know anybody Kelvin?
Oh, yeah.
You go to a restaurant?
I never pay for food with Gary.
Well, I would end up paying for food.
He would say, well, he's going to treat me.
The manager would not accept the tickets, and then I had to pay for the dinner, right?
Oh, wow.
He always had the tickets.
One night, Gary gets a couple milkshakes from the McDonald's, right?
And he gets one for now and one for later, dude, you know.
And so he's walking across his parking lot.
This is in Cincinnati, and they had got a couple of black girls fighting, right?
So he goes over there to watch and polish off one of the shakes, right?
So the problem is he gets a little too close with his phone.
He starts filming them, you know?
So he's holding one hand, one milkshake in his hand, the other one pressed against his chest, watching these ladies fight.
He gets too close.
They turn on him and start coming after him, right?
Now he starts running.
His pockets are full of all those tickets that he's pulls his shorts down.
Now he can't run and he's got two shakes, dude.
And these girls beat fucking.
Are you sure he got beat up?
Oh, they beat a shake and four fists right out of his ass, bro.
And the whole time he was trying to, he was getting beaten, but also trying to hold on to the shakes like Doubledare.
Remember Doubledare?
Yeah.
Yeah, bro.
That great kid slimed.
Yeah.
Oh, he got fucking smacked up.
Doubledare's real.
Oh, Mr. Jackson?
I still have a question about it, but Doubledare was a real show.
Well, look up BJ and let's see if that's a person, man.
Because that's who we're missing.
He played for the Bulls.
Okay, yeah, when Gary, when the funny bone opened in Cincinnati, which was in Newport, Kentucky, back in like 2004, he hired a relative of mine that he didn't know was a relative of mine.
And I go, he goes, yeah, man, I got this young girl, man.
She's like hustling tickets and she's out in the streets and she's moving shit.
And I told Gary, I go, that's my cousin.
I go, she's on drugs, dude.
I go, she's going to rip you off eventually.
And he goes, I don't know, but them crackheads can move some tickets.
Wow.
It's like, it was my cousin that was living on the street.
I was like, dude.
He'll get anybody.
I was like, Gary.
And then when she showed up, she was like, Gary.
I was like, okay.
I don't know how she's getting them tickets out there.
He's a hustler, man.
I was like, and the clientele showed with a lot of her friends.
Like Tuesday nights at the funny bone.
They weren't moving a lot of food.
Sounds like a lot of, like a 12-step meeting.
Gary Owen, thanks so much for coming and joining us, man.
Really appreciate it, bro.
Yeah, you're welcome.
Well, the guy never closes.
No, thank you, man.
Yeah, you're welcome.
Try being on time next time.
Now I'm just footing on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
I must be cornerstone.
Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind I found.
I can feel it in my bones.
But it's gonna take a little time for me to set that parking break and let myself on wild shine that light on me.
I'll sit and tell you my stories I will sing it just for you.
We'll be right back.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
The answer may shock you.
Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
Sometimes I won't.
And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
You have three new voice messages.
A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else.
So great.
Hi, Sweetheart.
Please, do you?
Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.
John Main.
I'll take a quarter pottle of cheese to add a bit quarry.
I think Tom Hanks just butt dialed me.
Anyway, first rule of Kai Club is tell everyone about Kai Club.
Second rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kai Club.
Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on YouTube, yeah?
