Subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts http://bit.ly/ThisPastWeekend_ Back from New York, Boston, and Atlantic City. Recapping Barstool and my first theater shows ever, and reminiscing about Beverly Hills 90210. Upload a video question for this week’s guest, high profile lawyer Mark Geragos, to our Dropbox http://bit.ly/TPW_VideoHotline This Episode Brought to You By MeUndies For 15% off your first pair, free shipping, and a 100% Satisfaction Guarantee, go to: https://MeUndies.com/Weekend Postmates Use code “WEEKEND” for $100 of free delivery credit for your first 7 days when you download the Postmates app Music “Shine” - Bishop Gunn http://bit.ly/Shine_BishopGunn “All the Ways” - Bishop Gunn https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wkgnx8qjlKQ Hit the Hotline 985-664-9503 10 Things I Hate About Gunt Gunt Squad To Join: https://www.patreon.com/theovon Name Aaron Jones Aaron Rasche Aaron Wayne Anselmi Adam Cox Adam White Alaskan Rock Vodka Alex Hitchins Alex Person Alex Petralia Amelia Andrea Gagliani Andrew Valish Anthony Schultz Arielle Nicole Ashley Konicki Audrey Harlan Audrey Hodge Ayako Akiyama Bad Boi Benny Baltimore Ben Ben Deignan Ben in thar.. Benjamin Streit Brad Moody Brandon Hoffman Carla Huffman Casey Roberts Chad Saltzman Christopher Becking Christopher Stath Cody Cummings Cody Hanas Cody Kenyon Cody Marsh COREY ASHMORE Cort Adams Dan Draper Danielle Fitzgerald Danny Gill David Christopher David Smith David Wyrick Donald blackwell Doug Chee Felicity Black Felix Theo Wren Ginger Levesque Glasford Productions Grant Stonex Gunt Squad Gary J Garcia J.P. Jacob Rice Jamaica Taylor James Briscoe James Hunter Jameson Flood Jason Haley Jason Price Jeffrey Lusero Jenna Sunde Jeremy Johnson Jeremy Siddens Jeremy Weiner Jerry Zhang Joaquin Rodriguez Joe Dunn Joey Piemonte John Kutch Johnathan Jensen Jon Blowers Jon Ross Jordan R Joseph Wuttunee Josh Cowger Josh Nemeyer Justin L justin marcoux Kennedy Kenton call Kevin Best Kevtron Kiera Parr Kirk Cahill kristen rogers Kyle Baker Lacey Ann Leighton Fields Logan Yakemchuk Luke Danton Mark Worrilow Matt Kaman Matt McKeen Matthew Azzam Megan Daily Meghan LaCasse Mike Mikocic Mike Nucci Mike Poe Mona McCune Nick Butcher Nick Rosing Nikolas Koob Noah Bissell Passenger Shaming Peter Craig Philip James Qie Jenkins Rachael Edwards Ranger Rick Robert Mitchell Robyn Tatu Ryan Hawkins Ryan Riley Ryan Walsh Sarah Anderson Scoot B. Sean Frakes Sean Scott Season Vaughan Shane Pacheco Stefan Borglycke Sungmin Choe Suzanne O'Reilly Taylor Beall The Asian Hamster Tim Greener Timothy Eyerman Todd Ekkebus todd vesterse Tom Cook Tom Kostya Travis Simpson Tyler Harrington (TJ) Tyler Shaver Victor Montano William Morris William Reid Peters Zach Zak StufflebeamSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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I'm just sitting on your front porch, wondering how could I be so far from my home?
Hello, it's Monday.
Hello.
And my mind is somewhere else.
But when I find it, I'll patch up where it's been blown.
Come on, now I'm just fitting on the breeze.
And I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
I must be cornerstone.
But when I reach that round, I'll share this piece of mind.
I can see the peace.
And left myself on my eye Shine that light on me I'll sit and tell you my stories Shine on me Shine on me And I will find a song I've been singing just for you.
And that's that right there.
Excuse me.
That is Bishop Gun with Shine.
And that's a song right there by that band.
And that, can you imagine those boys from Natchez, Mississippi right now are out there touring in Europe?
And that can be some of the beauty of music, man.
It hits people's ears and then it hits their, you know, because the ear goes directly, the earbone is connected to the heartbone.
And it hits their ears and just goes right into their heart.
And then that feeling, man.
And they want more of that feeling.
And that's what those boys are doing.
Bishop Gunn is a band.
And they are in Europe right now performing.
Different areas.
I have, speaking of that, I'm actually, I'm going to go, I mean, this is crazy.
I can't even believe I'm going to be saying these words.
I'm going to be going.
We locked down a date in London.
That's crazy, man.
Just to hear myself say those words that I'm going to be going to, I mean, where Americans came from.
Let's be honest about it.
You know, America started because shit wasn't going that great in England.
You know, people were being mean to each other in England.
They had bullying.
People was doing bullying.
And the next thing you know, people said, you know what?
Fuck you, bruh.
I'm out.
And they got in a boat and left.
And the people in England were like, well, where you going?
And they're like, we don't even fucking know.
So things must have been hairy if somebody left and didn't even know where they're going.
That's when you know you just got to go.
But I'm happy to be coming back to that original homeland over there, America 1.0, England.
Excuse me.
And I don't know when that'll be yet.
Well, I do know the date, but I'm not looking at that.
There are going to be other dates around it.
You know, there will be Scotland and Ireland.
And fuck, dude, I can't even imagine.
Dude, that's so crazy.
I'm going to be going over there.
So anyway, I didn't mean to make this myself, about myself out of the gate, but I just, you know, I am excited.
And I deserve to feel good sometimes.
And I'm excited about that.
Who's listening out there?
That's what I want to know.
Who's listening to this, this podcast, to this past weekend?
Thank you guys for being here with me.
Who's listening?
Who are you?
I want you to hit the hotline.
985-664-9503.
Are you, you know, we used to have a lot of postmen.
A lot of postmen would hit the hotline and let us know.
And, you know, we had a lot of drivers.
I remember we had a FedEx driver that, you know, but who are you?
Who are you listening?
Hit the hotline and say, hey, you know, my name is this, and this is what I do for work.
And this is when I listen to this past weekend.
I would just love to know that, you know?
Like, hey, my name is Theo, and, you know, and I listen to the podcast in the morning when I do stretches on my floor in my bedroom.
That's what I do.
I mean, that's just definitely a little bit, you know, something a tender gentleman would say, but that's when I listen.
So hit the hotline.
I just want to know who's out there listening.
I want to know, you know, I always hear so much.
You guys always hear so much about me.
I want to hear some more about you.
What's going on a lot?
You know, I just got back.
I flew back this morning from Atlantic City.
We had, I went and did some shows and they had theater shows.
And I'm talking theaters, boy, you know, theaters.
You know, and a lot of times when you, if somebody talks real fast, they even say my name like that.
Oh, that's theater instead of Theodore.
They're like, oh, that's theater right there.
And we did the shows.
We went to Medford, and that was the first one.
And the crazy thing of theater, I didn't go look at the stage in advance.
And the lights are so bright, you can only see about First, two rows of people, and there was maybe, you know, I don't even know how many people were in that place.
I mean, it seemed like a damn community college, it felt like that shit was pretty big, and people were doing, you know, smelled like weed and everything.
So, yeah, very much like community college.
And, and I didn't know like how deep it was.
Man, I was, it was kind of scared.
It was like, I felt like a, like a hamster that had to also, you know, like a, I felt like, oh, have you ever seen a prison movie where the prisoner gets out and they have the big spotlight and they're shining it looking for him?
I felt like that guy, like that prisoner.
But also, what if you gave that prisoner a microphone and while he's running off, he have to tell jokes?
So that's how I felt.
And, man, it was, but it, you know, it was a crazy just three, three nights and then did two shows at the Wilbur Theater in Boston and then a show in Atlantic City.
And we took planes and trains and automobiles.
And we didn't have anybody to host for any of the shows.
So a couple hours before, I'm just asking people like, hey, do you know anybody that lives in the area that can do comedy?
And next thing you know, we found a host, you know, a young fellow named Andrew who came out for the Boston shows.
And that dude is sitting there, you know, at his home, probably, you know, I'm not saying doing masturbation, but probably doing a little.
And next thing you know, he's on stage in front of 1,500.
And so, you know, and he did a great job.
You know, we just hit up literally like we're asked, does anybody know anyone in this area that can do it?
And then the same thing for the Atlantic City.
We just got, you know, does anybody know anybody in the area who can drive over here and do some comedy for 10 minutes at the beginning of the show?
But man, it was wild.
It was, man, it was awesome.
It was scary, though.
I felt pretty scared.
Because I just don't, you know, it's like being in a new place.
It's like, I'm trying to think of exactly how it feels.
You ever, you ever go, remember, have you ever gone to look at an apartment or a house and you go in and there's no furniture in it and you're just going to check it out?
You know, maybe to see if you'll move there or, you know, or something.
And you go in and you go in the different rooms and you just kind of, it feels new.
It feels different.
It's the first time you've ever felt the space and felt your body react to the distance between you and the walls and just the space.
And that's what it feels, it feels like that going on the stage.
But so you have that kind of feeling, you're in a new space, but then you also at the same time have some responsibilities.
And so, yeah, it was just, it was a different animal.
You know, I'm so used to being in just in a comedy club.
And I'll still be doing a lot of clubs.
It was just, it was just kind of how the weekend worked out.
But thank you so much to everybody that came out.
You know, we had a couple of brothers that came out, actual brothers, people that were, you know, womb mates, and also a couple of black gentlemen.
We had one young fella, looked like, I thought it was Sean Kingston.
And he came out to one of the shows.
I don't know if you remember Sean Kingston.
He, I think he might have killed Aaliyah with that damn situation or whatever.
But he came out.
What else did we do?
Dude, it was a credit.
Like, so, oh, I went to the barstool sports, and people say barstool, you know, they have, you know, they're basically people, they put stuff on the internet.
You know, say if your aunt does a hit, you know, does a couple whippets and accidentally gets fucked up and kisses her son or something like that.
Like at a foosball tournament or whatever, then they put that shit on barstool videos.
So, you know, I went to their office and it was pretty crazy.
I rolled in there and they got an older black gentleman sitting right there and he was polishing off a little bit of rib meat or something.
And this dude was, you know, he was half a cage deep into some fucking ribs.
Boy, I don't know if you know, if you don't have any black friends, then you never seen how black men can really get into some ribs.
Dude, black guys should be orthopedists, orthop ortho, orthoped bone doctors or something.
I'm surprised there's not more black surgeons because you see a black dude get into a thing of ribs, bruh.
Like, dang, dude.
I didn't even know they had all of that in there.
A black guy will crack a rib open and do it.
They got meat in there.
So if you never had a black friend, first of all, get a black friend and then order him half a rack of ribs and see what he does.
That dude will have them bitches dry at the end of it.
Not a meat, not a gristle.
You could dip that thing.
A black man could dip a rib that he ate into a fish tank and not even a little fish, not one fish will swim up to even look for anything because there's nothing on it.
So, you know, when it comes, you know, a black guy, you know, will really put that gangbang on a rib.
He'll fucking tighten that thing up to the fullest.
So this guy, anyway, I roll into the office at barstools.
The man is sitting in there.
And he's supposed to be the guy that like checks you in downstairs at the bottom of the deal, at the ground floor.
So he looked up at me like he was pissed that I was there.
So I was like, fuck it, bro.
You know, you don't want to do your job, You know, whatever.
So I went past that guy, went up to the third floor, and the elevator doors open, and there's like maybe 50 dudes.
You know, a lot of them look like maybe they played, you know, half of them kind of look like maybe they played lacrosse or something for not Duke, you know, not that, you know, the sexual team, but at least, you know, at least maybe UNC or NC State.
And then, yeah, they got, next, you know, there's a camera guy pops up and they got a lady cutting up a grapefruit and they have a couple little studios and it's just, it was wild to see because, you know, it's like seeing behind the internet.
It's like the doors open and then there's like, you know, 50 guys sitting at computers.
And it was a good vibe.
We went in there and did the radio show.
And then I stopped, I went that night and it was just a good vibe, man.
I had fun in there.
And if you get a chance, go listen to that episode when I was on their radio.
It was a lot of fun, actually.
So I really enjoyed that.
And then what else happened?
Trying to tell you what happened this past weekend.
Oh, then I stopped by the comedy cellar that night in New York to see some different comedians and just say, hey, I got to watch David Tell perform.
So that was awesome, man.
That guy, he once referred, I heard him refer to peanut butter as, oh, he referred to hummus as ISIS peanut butter.
And I thought that was pretty much right on time.
So that was it.
And then the next day, we did the next morning.
I went to Boston, did the shows at Medford.
The guy Francis, this big guy, white dude, you know, pretty rich, bro.
Like, even his breath kind of smelled like cologne a little.
You know, the kind of guy that has breakfast and probably has a little bit of fucking, you know, some, you know, a little fan, you know, some Estee Lauder scents or something on his pancakes.
The kind of dude who have a nice, you know, a couple of omelets and wash it down with a fucking mouthful of, you know, Garnier fructifs or something, one of those, you know, a fancy deal.
So Francis was there.
And first of all, if you named after, you know, Francis what?
You know, Francis, that's crazy.
You got to be rich to really have a, you know, kind of a bi-gender name and be a man.
This dude was a handsome guy too.
Look like one of those Winkle vosses.
Remember the Winkle vosses?
Who almost beat up that guy, the Facebook kid?
Him.
So he came on and did the shows with us, and it was just blast, man.
So many people came out.
So many people came out.
Here, we got one guy right here.
He came to the Medford show.
Let me hit this.
And this guy left a voicemail on the hotline.
So let me see what he had to say.
Theo, what's up, man?
My name is Jared.
What's up, Jared?
Thanks for calling, sir.
I'm a little tired.
You have to forgive me today, Jared.
Onward.
From Connecticut.
I saw you up in Medford, man.
Awesome show.
Super grateful that you came out.
I appreciate you staying after the meet with everyone after the show.
I'm the gentleman that had the match in Mississippi mud flap in the flannel.
Oh, yeah, bro.
You had that tight, tight cut.
And you had that full, that back splash on the neck, dude.
And you had real short, that short front hair.
You know, almost going out of business in the front, but still partying in the back.
You know, you had that real, like if you see like a young, young kid who has a kind of a mullet haircut, him.
And he's kind of standing on the side of the road and none of his parents are with him and he's kind of throwing rocks into a ditch or something.
You had that style, that old school neighborhood style that I grew up around.
Let's hear more.
You know, I thank you for your encouragement, man, on my recovery, man.
Just celebrating 19 months clean.
And I love, you know, I love how you were giving me some motivation, man.
And love the podcast.
My boy and I listen to it.
It gets us through the week.
Gives us something to talk about.
And just want to say thanks again, man.
Gang, gang, man.
Thank you, bud.
And congratulations, dude.
19 months.
Think about that.
Dude, a lot of stuff happened.
In 19 months, anything could happen.
You could go to jail for, you know, probably a manslaughter if you had a good attorney and get back out.
Anything could happen.
You could have a 19-month old child.
So, man, congratulations, dude.
I'm glad that you came out, man.
And yeah, I remember that haircut.
I definitely, you had that fucking, like a lesbian that really, she's, you know, devout lesbian.
Like she, sometime in her life, she's going to find a way to really sprout a dick, you know, if she wants to.
It's going to be up to her.
And I do remember that cut, man.
That shit was beautiful.
And, you know, I notice a lot of guys sometimes about growing the long hair out the back.
It's like a mane.
It's just like a little, it's almost like, it's like the only thing we can do these days, you know.
Or not the only thing, I shouldn't say that.
But as men, it's like something we can do to express our masculinity.
Because I do feel like in some ways, you know, masculinity is just, it's not at a crossroads, but it is at a time when it needs to be tempered in some spaces because, you know, it's not fair because our environment, our society is becoming a lot more structured, a lot less primal.
And so, you know, you have to temper the flames of that wild masculinity.
Back in the day, dude, think about when, you know, 1700, you could take your wife for a hike and never bring her back.
And that was nothing.
You know, you could shoot your neighbor.
And that would, you know, oh, where's my fucking rake, you know, Mr. Daniel?
And next thing you know, pop, pop.
And that's it.
So it's just a different time.
So now it's like we got to temper it out a little bit.
And yeah, so one thing that men can do is grow, is, you know, is just sprout that spout, grow that back hitter, and go fucking hard in that neck paint.
Or actually go soft in that neck paint, you know?
Because my shit, God, do you touch the back of my hair?
It feels like fucking nine babies.
It feels like nine babies just rubbing little chamois cloths on each other.
Just soft soap in each other's shoulders.
Dude, it's like nine babies in a fucking soft pile with butter on them.
Could you imagine putting butter on a baby?
God damn, bro.
You know, I'm not a cannibal, but if you put fucking butter on a baby, bro, I wouldn't be surprised if I fucking took a little bite out of that guy.
But man, congratulations, man.
And I'm happy that you and your friend find some joy in listening to me.
And I found joy in it.
And you guys haven't come out, man.
It's good.
I had fun, dude.
I had so much, dude, the first show in Boston, I had so much fun at the Wilbur.
The first one, I mean, all the shows, I tried my best.
But that first Wilbur show, man, I had so much fun.
I just, and then the second one, I think I got a little, you know, I got nervous.
The crowd was rowdier.
And the Medford one, I think I was just a little, I did my best, but I was just a little scared.
But, but, man, it was overall, it was a great experience.
I mean, it's just a learning experience to be in that space.
I'm glad that I had people, people after the shows were super supportive.
But that second, the late show in Medford, at the Wilbur, you know, if I could have one back that I could just do some parts of it over.
Or just, I don't know.
The vibe was just, it wasn't bad.
And it had nothing to do with the audience.
It just, it just, I could, I was just, I don't know.
I just wish I could do it again.
But, you know, I'm hard on myself.
And that's okay sometimes.
That's okay sometimes.
What else happened this past weekend, man?
I'm trying to think.
Oh, I got my back waxed.
That felt pretty good.
I didn't get much sleep.
Oh, my gosh.
So one of the guys from White Snake was on the plane back with me to Los Angeles.
And they're the ones who did the fire at that building.
And a lot of people died RIP from that White Snake fire back there near Providence a long time ago.
Oh, man.
What else?
What else can I tell you about?
I can tell you about this episode is brought to you by Gray Block Pizza.
Gray Block Pizza, 1811 Pico Boulevard on the way to the beach.
Gray Block Pizza.
Get that hitter.
Oh, I got to tell you this.
The guest we have coming up, Mark Garagos.
And he's an attorney.
He's that Atticus Finch.
You know, he's that fucking, that gaveli bad boy.
He's out there, you know, he's out there shaping truths and bending lies.
And he's represented Michael Jackson, Colin Kaepernick, Scott Peterson, the man that killed everybody, Chris Brown.
And you can send in your video questions about any questions you have for that man, for Mark Garrett Ghost.
He'll be in here.
I thought he was the swimmer that almost died of HIV when he hit his head on the board.
But anyway, he'll be in here.
And we'll be putting some swipe ups so you guys can swipe up and send in a question for him.
As well, we have Brian Callan will be coming in.
So we're going to be doing an episode.
We'll ask for some submissions for him.
He's going to take us through a March Madness version of the state wars.
Like if all the states got into war, like if it became, all the states became, you know, it was an ununified America, an ununited states, and there were state wars, like March Madness style with brackets, and they all fought off against each other and who would win.
And Brian Collins is a very smart man.
And that's Brendan Schaub.
His daddy, Brendan, is the man that does King and the Sting with me.
And he's the Sting.
And so his daddy is Brian Callins.
And he does, I think he was in, I don't think he was in Vietnam, but he was in Korea, you know, and he does a lot of stuff like that.
AARP, does the conferences.
And so he'll be in here because he's very smart and he's going to help us out and take us through that.
That's going to be he and I's episode.
So if you have a video or you can, there's a link in the YouTube.
If you think why your state would do well in the state wars, what they have to offer, why, you know, you could say, oh, I think Nevada's going to win because, you know, they have, you know, troops could get up, you know, they could take all the gambling money and buy tanks or whatever.
So, but whatever your reason, why you think your state would win, you can hit the hotline 985-664-9503, and we'll add some of those parts in to the episode.
And we'll use them as we go through the states.
Oh, man.
Yeah, dude, this weekend was kind of scary in some ways.
You know, I don't know.
Sometimes, like, you know, sometimes I feel like I don't like talking about some shit because, you know, before the second Medford show, man, I was sitting in the back of the place, and I was just like, kind of just got real emotional, man.
I was sitting back there, and I just felt scared.
I was just sitting back there by myself, and I just felt, I don't know.
I didn't feel good, man.
You know, to be honest, I was real teared up.
And, you know, I just didn't feel okay.
You know, and I called a couple of friends, and thankfully, somebody answered, and I was able to talk to them.
And I was trying to think about why I didn't.
And I think, you know, and I think it was because sometimes inside of me, there's a thing where it's like I'm afraid to feel good about myself because it's almost just such an unfamiliar territory that it makes me scared.
Or it's like if I feel good about myself, then it means I'm being selfish or something, you know.
And I just, I was like excited about the theaters and then I just, I don't know.
I just, I don't even know.
You know, part of me doesn't even know.
And maybe I'll talk a little bit when I go to my therapist this week.
I'll try and talk to her about it and think about it more.
But yeah, I was just, you know, I just know I was sitting there and I just felt like I just didn't feel good.
You know, I just didn't feel good.
And some of that goes back to just, you know, that's kind of like my alcoholism or my thing inside my lack of self-confidence that's inside of me somewhere.
It just, it's almost like this little gremlin that even when things are good, it wants to pop up and control the show.
It's like this little dirty little man who's got a whip and he's, you know, he's probably doing dirty stuff and being like maybe even a homeowner that's a mean one, you know, and he's, you know, just gets in there and he just beats all my good feelings with a whip and makes my good feelings feel like they're bad or they've done something bad.
So I got some of that and I don't know what the deal was, but I got some of that going on.
But then, you know, I was thankful.
You know, I talked to a friend and they made me feel better.
And then I was and then I was okay.
And then I was okay.
So anyway, that's it.
I don't know.
I'm kind of all over the place, man.
I didn't get, you know, I flew home.
I got off the plane.
I went home and rested for 40 minutes and then I came over here.
And I want to try to hit an AA meeting tonight.
But I am grateful to be here with you guys.
And man, so many people came out.
It was crazy.
I mean, people came out.
A guy gave me a nice shirt.
I didn't even get to unpack my bag and bring it in here.
Somebody made, oh, some, dude, they had a Vietnamese, this beautiful pair of Viettes.
You know, they made the shirt and it said, Vietnamese are people, not food.
And I thought that was great because you guys know I almost bit into that kid at a best buy that time.
Oh, let's get into the news a little bit here.
Alex Trebek announced in a video that he has stage four pancreatic cancer.
Trebek is 78 years old and has hosted Jeopardy since 1984.
Said he intends to fight the disease and work the rest of his contract through 2022.
That's crazy, man.
You know, it's really scary when people start passing away that are part of your life or that are part of your childhood or just in your periphery of existence.
You know, it starts to remind you how just how real life is.
And that gets scary.
You know, life is this very, you know, it's just very, it's like this very real dragon kind of.
And, you know, sometimes it hibernates for a while and it's not there.
And sometimes it, you know, it just fucking out of nowhere just wakes up and just blat, you know, and just burns you with that fucking face heat, that popper.
And it's just, you know, sometimes you're just kind of cruising down the road of life and then life's like, guess what, motherfucker?
Right turn.
Surprise, bitch.
You know, intersection without any stop signs.
Just, you know, shit like that.
And it gets intense.
And that's the kind of thing I start to feel like when people are passing away or people are getting, you know, sick and older.
And like, it's like you want these little things that are in the periphery of your life, these staples to always kind of be there.
But it just keeps moving on, man.
But then that's the same thing that adds value to it.
You know, that's the same thing that adds value to it is that it's not a forever thing.
You know, you don't have unlimited life.
This shit ain't breadsticks at Olive Garden, dude.
You know, this is like at a place where they just give you one or two breads and they don't have extra if you want it.
I mean, life is just one or two breads, you know.
Now, they can have as much flavor in them as you want to taste for.
You can just try and take, you know, you can eat them fast and that's it.
But if you really want to get down to that dough and get yeasty, you can pop off and really enjoy.
I mean, you can break those one or two breads down to every fucking ingredient and suck the egg and the salt and the flour and the rice and the yeast and the and some of them, they might be cinnamon breads, raisin breads.
You can really enjoy all of them tastes in there.
Or you can just gobble them bitches up, be on through it.
But it's not unlimited breadsticks.
It feels like it is or it is when you're real young and then it's not.
Oh man, I don't even know what I'm talking about.
Former teen heartthrob and star of 90210 Luke Perry passed away at 52 after suffering a massive stroke.
And dude, I remember watching 90210 when I was young.
It was like the first show that I got to watch.
It was called Beverly Hills 90210.
And it was about rich kids and some poor kids that all went to school together in Beverly Hills.
And I remember, dude, when that was like the first show where like there was kind of some, you know, people were having maybe sex or talking about sex.
And I would sit there and like, and my whole, my brothers and sisters, we would all watch it.
I think my littlest sister wasn't allowed to watch it, but we'd sit there, dude, and I would be just erect as hell.
You know, I'd be, it was the only TV show I'd sometimes have to face the other way and then turn back and look at it, you know, and watch because I didn't want people seeing my body getting all hard in the middle.
Especially I had that AP, bro.
I had that fucking rock and jock.
You know, I had that fucking Demarcus Cousins, you know, Wiener even as a child.
I had that big fucking baby whale.
You know, I had that fucking that Will Sasso, that thick hitchhiker.
You know, it was like, you ever seen a mitten, but the thumb is twice as big as the finger part?
That's kind of like my nuts and wiener even as a child.
You know, I had that cat daddy.
And so I, you know, it would make me so nervous because I would just have on little shorts or tight, you know, children's television pants.
You know, little, what were those things called?
Little, you remember those?
It was like a onesie and they had a little trap door in the back in case you had to do a duty real fast or something or in case there was a fire and the, you had to get out of the whole onesie.
They had that little fire escape in the back.
In case somebody threw a match on the front of your pajamas and you had to fucking wiggle out of them bitches.
They had that, you know, the, you know, that reverse bicology.
There's a way you could just say bye-bye right out the back of your own short, you know, your own, that onesie.
And you could just, you know, you could save your own life.
But yeah, I remember, dude, those things.
And suddenly I'd get so erect, the fucking rest of the onesie would get real tight on my body because I didn't have a lot of room in that bitch anyway.
You know, I got that body type.
I'll fucking fill a onesie.
You know, I got that limited neck, you know, only got about an inch and a half long neck.
But I did see this little neck stretcher thing on Instagram the other day, so I might look at that.
And I want to thank everybody that sent me links to that as well.
I had about 60 people that sent me different links to that.
What else, man?
Yeah, but that show, dude, that show is the first show where you would see people kissing or smooching.
I mean, you had like, somebody had a convertible car.
The only other dude I ever knew with a convertible, this dude named Eddie Joe, man, he was like, I think 16 or fucking 40. And he lived in our neighborhood and he had a couple of these girls.
He had these two girls and they were sisters or, you know, twins.
They might have been fucking conjoined.
I don't even know, bro.
But these bitches was really kind of unraveled a little bit.
You know, they wasn't, I think they was premature babies.
And premature twins, you don't know what's going to happen.
Dude, you know, sometimes you'll take a, you know, you take one pie out of the oven and you have it and you're like, oh, man, it was good, but it could have been better.
You take fucking two pies out the oven, dog.
Then you, you know, you letting the devil fucking live in the dessert.
And so that's the, and sometimes he would, he would get these girls, and they both even had the same name, I think, Janet.
You know, double Janets or whatever.
And because the mom probably had a limited name choices, you know, she wrote down one name.
She might have been on a couple of lewds and then seen it twice on the sheet and said, fuck it, son.
We're going to take our chances and name both of these baby girls little Janets.
And dude, so this guy Eddie, he had this 5.0 Mustang.
And I think it was even a 6.0, dude.
I think he wrote a 6 or put a 6 made out of like, you know, like a caulking or something over the 5. So he was rolling in that 6.04 Mustang convertible top.
And he would give these girls, he would get them, you know, daiquiris or something, little milkshakes.
And he would just be rolling these double janits around town.
And one time he was out front just flexing and talking.
And we were out by the street just talking to him and just burning shit in the ditch, you know, just, you know, just enjoying the summer.
And he floored it and both of those broads rolled right off the fucking back, boy.
And man, it was awesome.
And that's when you knew they were twins.
They had that, I mean, they both rolled off exactly because they were sitting on the back, on the top of the back seat with the convertible down.
So then they're sitting really on the back of the car, almost on the trunk with their legs into the car.
And they were just flexing and sipping on these little daiquiries, these little, you know, cherry, slushy throat hitters.
And then he floored it or I think he, I think he was trying to hit the brakes and he hit the wrong brake, the gas.
And those bitches rolled right off the back, dude.
Fucking double janits right onto the fucking concrete.
And it was pretty cool, man.
It was, I mean, it wasn't the Olympics, but that shit was pretty legit.
I mean, it was the closest thing I'd ever seen to like.
I don't remember if you remember the 1988 Olympics.
They had that little girl.
What was her name?
I think like Yatyana Mogadishu or something.
And Yatyana Mogadishu was, she was like the best, you know, gymnastical.
You know, she was that gymnastical, crazy person.
You know, she could do anything.
She flip you off with her finger and then fucking do nine back flips.
And, you know, she would flip you off and then fucking flip off into the distance.
And Yadiana, or I don't know if it was Yana.
I know it was Mogadisha was her last name and she would, you know, she could do it all.
You know, she was the kind of girl who, when she was born, she probably fucking double jabbed hand spring right out of them womb.
You know, some people's breach and some people or C-section.
And this bad bitch probably crawled right back up out of, You know, she probably crawled right out of her mom's throat and did a fucking, you know, that fucking right off the top, that fucking Filipino shooting star right off the top and just landed it straight up into the doctor's pocket.
I mean, she was, you know, an acrobat.
She was an acrobat.
Imagine if you put, you know, an egg and semen and, you know, imagine you put an egg and seed and leotard and a, you know, a little bit of hand chalk into a cannon and just shot that shit right out into the Olympics.
That was her.
Yeah, Yana Mogadisho.
Maybe I can have our producer add a picture of her to this as well.
But fuck, I don't even know what I was talking about, man.
Oh, but the show 90210 was the first show that as a kid, I remember just seeing just like adult things that were things that were just ahead of my things that were happening in my world.
You know, like I remember like the kids on the screen, they were teenagers.
They were in high school, even though they were in their 30s as, you know, in real life.
But we didn't know that as children.
And so 90210s, man, it would be on and we would, you know, Brenda was about to kiss Ryan or whatever, Ronald.
And damn, bro, second day, I would just fucking be like this.
And my sister would just start, like her neck would start shaking for no reason.
And my brother would, I don't even know what he would do, bruh.
He would pass out.
I didn't even know what was going on.
Dude, I'd have a little thing of shasta and I'd drink the whole fucking can right then.
Like I didn't, it was just, there was too many, you know, it's that young time in your life when your chromosomes and your fucking and your nuts aren't even, you know, your nuts aren't even doing nothing at that point.
Your nuts are just something you fucking kind of, you know, twist around each other like those little, you know, those magic little time balls or whatever to relax at night before you go to your bed.
You don't, your nuts are nothing.
Your nuts are just a place you think your body's just storing, you know, extra fucking molars or whatever.
You don't even know what your nut sack is at that age.
And then you, you know, you're watching this TV show and you see a couple kiss for the first time and you just fucking drink nine cans of watermelon shasta and just just get ready to piss in the bed, dude.
It was just that, you know, it was your, what is it called?
When your body gets so fired up about something that it starts to metastasize a little bit into something else.
Hormones.
Hormones.
And they put them in milk, too.
And sometimes I'll fucking have a little milk before I jerk off just to get back to that old school feeling.
But hormones, man, that was the thing.
You know, I'd be sitting there and, you know, Steven and, you know, what was the other girl's name in the show?
90210.
Stephen and, oh, fuck, I don't know.
Dylan McKay was the one guy.
He was the fancy guy.
He was like the fonts.
He came in with the jacket and he never kind of said anything.
And he was always too, he kind of squinted his eyes and he was always kind of, he came up to the door and the parents didn't really like him.
And then he rode off on his motorbike.
He really, I think he might have had fucking autism, bruh.
And I don't think he probably registered that bike because he was kind of always in and out of this of shit.
You never knew anything about him.
Luke Perry, his character, Dylan McKay.
And he was in love with fucking Sandra or whatever, Jennifer Doherty.
And they would, and they were always talking about doing sex.
And when that shit would happen, bruh, because you got to picture it, man.
We're sitting there, me and my two siblings.
And you got Dylan McKay.
You got Janet Doerty.
They fucking, you know, they're 30 in real life, but we don't know it as kids.
We think, you know, because I was probably 11. My brother's, you know, 13. My sister's nine.
We're all sitting there.
And this is the program that mom lets us watch that she maybe shouldn't let us watch.
But, you know, she wants to put a little bit of lotion on her legs in the other room and floss her teeth.
And that's her time to be by herself.
So this is what we get.
So we're sitting there ready to watch Beverly Hills 90210s, boy.
And then they start talking about sexual or, you know, somebody fucking, you see a little bit of a bra strap and next thing you know, I got to fucking lay down on my bag, dude, because I don't know what's going on.
Because my hormones are starting to just mingle around my body and get to know each other.
You know, and suddenly my brain is starting to say hello to my dick, but on the inside of my body.
And this is before, this is like an internal tender and everybody's fucking swiping right.
And it's just crazy and your neck starts fucking tightening up.
Dude, I remember sometimes my arms would go straight out to both sides of my body for no reason.
I wouldn't even know what was happening.
Because on the screen, they had these young people and you were feeling just sexual.
You were feeling keyed up and jacked up on your own these little crystals, man, because God puts these little fuck crystals in your body when you're born, I guess.
And they don't really kind of sprout until you start to get sexual.
And that's hormones.
And when those bitches start popping off, it's like, man, it's like those flavor crystals and gum.
It's like you think it's just gum and then bam, you hit that bitch and suddenly, you know, suddenly your dick's got fresh breath.
And it's that kind of thing.
That's them libido poppers, dude.
Them internal hitters.
And that's kind of what happened when I would see these shows.
We'd sit there and I would get, I didn't even know really what was going on.
I just, my brain would, I couldn't close my eyes or blink and I would just fucking drink two cans of shasta, you know.
Man, I feel exhausted even thinking about it now.
What else?
Oh, I saw this episode.
The Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey returned to the Joe Rogan experience and brought his executive, Vijayagade, who I think won American Idol Season 2 runner-up, to debate journalist Tim Poole on some of Twitter's policies.
Rogan was heavily criticized for Dorsey's first appearance, with many believing Rogan did not ask hard enough questions or cite specific examples of Twitter's perceived bias.
I didn't see the first episode, so I don't know about that.
That's just what was written on this page here.
But I thought Tim Poole did a good job of expressing the thoughts of a lot of people.
You know, and I think in the end, a lot of it just comes down to, you know, a lot of media is just is liberal.
It's very liberal and it's very forward thinking.
And it's this, you know, one love and we can't say anything bad.
But a lot of media is based out of places where that type of living is more of a reality.
And when you get into other places, the life there and the reality isn't the same.
But if you try to share your reality from those places, then that is looked at as being, you know, it's all labeled as conservative now.
Some of it is labeled as racist and some of it is labeled as sexist.
And some things it's a mix of things.
It's a mix of traditionalism.
It's trying to express that there is racism, that they do have that fucking sugar racism out there in a lot of directions.
You know, you got Latinos and blacks and blacks and whites and whites and whites and blacks and whites and Latinos.
And you got fucking everybody wondering what Patrick Mahomes, you know, what is he?
You know, everybody, it's just, but it's like you got, and it's just, to me, it seems like one part of the country just can't share the reality.
And one part of the country, you know, shares this like ideology.
And the problem is there's just two different realities going on in America, I think.
Or there's more than two.
There's a bunch.
But a lot of the media so far has been based out of places where a lot of the reality is the same.
But I think that's what you start to see now that's different.
And I think you're going to get to better conversations when more realities have a voice.
And Twitter is really, I mean, there's a lot of extremists on there.
I mean, the only reason you can go to Twitter, I think, is if you really keyed up to try to see a titty or something.
Or if you want to really argue with people or just throw...
And I'll just go to bed, bruh.
And just laugh.
It's just, it's an instigator's paradise.
If you like just bullshitting, you know, if you like to leave a turd near the fucking caviar, bro, then Twitter is your place to be, man.
They got some fuck...
Excuse me.
It's bananas out there.
I think it's hilarious.
I think it is absolutely hilarious.
But I think it's a good episode if you want to.
You know, everybody has some of their favorite Joe Rogan episodes, and that's one of mine, man.
And Joe Rogan's got the best.
He's just a curious listener.
He's a curious man, and he's active.
But I thought it was great.
I thought this was great.
I thought Dorsey was a little, he come across a little soft to me, but that's my thought.
But I think that there is a curbing of ideas or not ideas, but even the desire to discuss realities in some parts of America, traditional views are looked at or immediately labeled a certain way.
Because look, I think it would be great if everybody could live in a place.
I don't think anybody doesn't want to live in a place where everybody gets along and everybody is healthy and contributing.
I feel like that's everybody's goal.
I feel like everybody, and I believe that everybody can be helped, except for some people cannot be helped.
Some people that some core place in themselves, they do not want to help themselves.
They do not want to contribute.
They do not want to.
They really don't want things to be good.
I think it's few, but I think that some people, but I believe that most people can be helped.
All of us, including myself.
Fuck yeah.
Dude, you know my fucking dude.
I'm fucking, if anybody's always waving the hell flag, it's your boy.
But I thought this was interesting.
I do think that, and when you start to temper that people can't share what their reality is and what their life is because it just doesn't fit with what somebody else's life is, and that person has more ability to has like if one person has a bigger projector and they're able to say, okay, this is my life.
This is the world.
This is the way it is.
And a guy over here who probably wants the same life that this other person have with the big projector is running that old school projector where they got to spin it with their hand.
They're saying, but that's not the truth, man.
That's not the truth.
Don't you see I'm showing you that that's not the truth here?
And then they start to tell the man with the little projector, you're not allowed to use those projectors anymore.
Or we're not letting those project.
We're not even letting you show these images or these ideas or even discussions in this bigger projector universe.
It's scary.
I just don't think that's, it's just because it doesn't help.
It doesn't help us get our voices out.
It doesn't help people get there.
It doesn't help anybody get there Because there's no discussion.
So I thought that that's some of the stuff that I took from it.
I would have liked to have seen more.
I think the Tim Poole guy was interesting.
I think, and also, you don't know sometimes that these people go in interviews and they say there's things that they don't want to talk about.
Obviously, you know, Jack Dorsey, the guy, you know, he's an innovator.
He's an innovator.
But, yeah, if you want to watch a neat episode and see, you know, if people's voices are getting curbed in those places or what your thoughts are on it.
But Tim Pool, man, he showed up with a lot of...
Every time.
Every time something's wrong.
He showed up with a lot of points and he was poignant.
You could feel his thoughts.
Look, I'm not saying that I'm buying his fucking, you know, nudie calendar or anything like that, but I'm saying that you could feel that the man had done his homework.
He came.
He came correct.
He didn't sit back there behind a, you know, he came correct.
I thought he came he came ready to discuss.
It seemed like he really wanted to.
So, but then also, dude, what the fuck do I know?
What do I know, bro?
Anyway, a little more news.
Antonio Brown was traded to the Raiders for third and fifth round picks and renegotiated his salary to give him $30 million guaranteed over the next three years and make him the NFL's highest paid wide receiver.
I, you know, Antonio Brown was in the payment, I mean, look, he definitely had been making money, but he wasn't making a lot of money in comparison to other receivers.
And he was the, on paper, he was one of the top two or three.
So I can understand his anger and his angst.
But it didn't seem to be just about that.
It seemed to me over time that he developed a real ego problem.
And the ego is dangerous.
I mean, the ego is something that lives inside of us.
You know, it's that dark art.
And that bitch, you know, you fucking leave a can of Herschel Williams, not Herschel Williams, you leave a can of Sherwin Williams lying around, and that dark artist will start to fucking paint the insides of you.
It'll remodel the insides of yourself.
Because that ego, man, it's got, look, it's got all the brushes.
It knows just how to stroke you.
And it's going to be interesting to see how Antonio Brown does out there in a place where he doesn't have that quarterback.
I felt like it was too much ego.
And I said this before, I think a lot of players in these sports now, there's so much more, it doesn't seem like anything's about the team anymore a lot of times.
But then also, if you're in a team and that team's making a ton of money and you don't think that they're sharing enough with you, I can understand the guy wanting this money.
I just wonder at the end of his life when he looks back, you know.
But hindsight's 2020.
I wish him well, man.
I hope he has a new experience over there with his teammates.
And I hope we all get out of our egos if we can.
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What else can I tell you guys?
We are adding some shows in San Jose in two weeks, Sunday shows, at least one.
And I want to thank everybody.
I'm so excited about going over there, man.
It's not far.
It'll be less traveling, a little less stress in that way.
Also, April, and that's, I don't even know when that is, March 21st and 22nd and 23rd and maybe the 24th now.
April 5th and 6th, I'm in Kansas City.
April 26th and 27th, I'm in Palm Beach, West Palm Beach, Florida.
May 3rd and 4th at Carolines in New York City.
What else is going on with you guys?
How are you feeling?
How are you feeling?
You feeling okay?
I hope you guys are doing good.
Yeah, sometimes I guess I'm afraid to feel good about myself.
You know, I was talking to a friend the other day and they said, you know, you're so hard on yourself all the time.
And I say, yeah.
You know, I think because I think at some point in my life, if I wasn't hard on me, it was just, you know, I wasn't going to let anybody else tell me what to do.
And so the only person that was going to tell me what to do was me.
And I didn't really know how to do that.
So the ways I'd learned to do that were some of them were healthy and some of them were not.
And probably some of the ways that were not are some of them that are still, you know, embedded in me.
And those are, you know, some of that is one of the blessings of living in a time where we can do a self-examination and, you know, seek help and talk to friends.
And I mean, we are at a special time where we can delve in.
You know, there's drugs out there that people use to go deep.
And there's, you know, there's and there's meditation.
It's like, even though a lot of this has been around for a long time, I think a lot of that kind of stuff is coming back.
More psychedelics than cocaine.
You know, more meditation than just relying on things outside of us to help us excavate within us.
So I see a lot of that.
And, you know, those are things I want to learn about myself.
And so some of the stuff I talk about sometimes is just so I can try and think.
You know, I can just try and not think, but feel.
You know, a lot of my life I didn't have any feelings.
I was just operating out here.
I just was operating as action and reaction.
And nothing was coming from a place internally that really was connecting to me.
I wasn't connecting to anything.
I was doing okay, but in the inside, I wasn't really connecting to anything, even to myself.
And that's not the case for me now.
And now I'm at, you know, now I'm, you know, I've been working and doing some of the work and trying to stay involved in places and groups and around people that I can have a different experience with myself and a new one.
I mean, in some ways, I feel like a five-year-old, you know, with all of his emotions in his arms and all of his insides and stuff just wandering around.
Or, yeah.
But a strong five-year-old, you know, because he bought that fucking, he bought it about it.
Man, I wanted to be home from Marty Girl last week.
I really wanted to be there.
People were having fun, I bet.
What else can I tell you guys?
You know, I'm just so tired.
I don't want to, you know, hold you guys too long.
I'm trying to think of some other people that came out.
Dude.
So let me tell you who came out to one of the shows.
Triplets, brah.
You know what I'm saying?
Dude, sometimes the womb stutters a little bit and it makes babies, you know?
It makes them fucking bad boys.
Dude, and these guys, it was like, it was a little Neapolitan sandwich, man.
These boys, they were beautiful boys and they all, they would finish each other's sentence.
One of them would start to blink a little, then one of them would blink a little more, and then one of them would fully blink.
And I was like, what in the fuck is going on?
And these boys were just a living batch of dark art.
If you see these fellas, they're over there near Atlantic City, I think they came out in.
And there was triplets.
And they said, dude, we're triplets.
And I was like, fucking what, dude?
The singers?
And they're like, what?
And they said, no, we were all born at the same time.
I said, damn, y'all that fucking batch.
Y'all that batch.
And they would, dude, it was crazy, man.
They would, you know, you tell one of them a joke and the other one would fucking laugh, man.
Even listening to them, it was like playing, you know, conversating with them, it was like just dialogue, dialogue, you know, just like dialogical whack-a-mole.
You know, you'd be over here with an answer and then bam, the question, you know.
And then, you know, it was unique.
It was like playing the shell game, you know.
You ever come out of a supermarket and they got that brother out there with the cardboard and he got the little nutmegs right there, and one of them's got a little, you know, little nugget of Coke or something under it, or a little pecan.
And he's flipping those things around and bouncing them with the cards.
And next thing you know, you think you're over here talking about shellfish, and then bam, fucking contestant number three hits you with a fucking conversation about zoning in his area.
You're like, what the fuck?
And that you, with triplets, you got to stay alert.
With triplets, you really, it's almost like you got to do one at a time.
You know, you got to do like this.
What's up, duh?
What's up, dude?
You know, hey, buddy, how are you?
And you.
So you got to section them off.
But look, they were beautiful boys.
They all looked pretty healthy.
And I told them straight up.
I said, hey, look, if you guys are like the Transformers or whatever, because I'm thinking these dudes are going to do the Autobot shit.
One of them gets into a little set, you know, a set of legs and then one of them torsos up and the third one fucking morphs into a head.
And then they wander off, just one guy working over there by the fucking, you know, by the Jersey Mike's or the FedEx Kinkos.
But it's wild when you meet them.
If you see, if you see triplets, man, just let them know you support them.
Do your best.
That's all we can do.
I'm tired, man.
I love you.
I would stay longer and chat with you.
I want to be able to reflect on more experiences that I had this week.
And let me take one or two more calls.
Here they go.
The number is always 985-664-9503.
We do, I believe, have a single mother lockdown for Phoenix and one for San Jose as well.
So I'm really excited about that.
We want to do some big things this year in that space.
And thank you guys and our Patreon supporters who support a lot of that.
Onward, here we go.
Dio, it's Anthony from Jersey.
Just got back from your show at the Bergata.
What's up, Anthony?
Oh, I appreciate you calling, man.
This is cool.
Onward?
Atlantic City.
It's my first comedy show ever, man, and you and R have killed it.
So thank you for that, man.
You've got a great show.
I decided to bring my mom with me, give her a nice night out.
We had a great time, man.
It was cool sharing laughs with her.
It was nice bonding with her.
We don't get to do that a lot.
So it was nice taking her out and sharing those laughs, you know.
And then when you said you were doing the meet and greets after the show, man, I was pumped.
I was like, you got to wait until I to finally meet you, man.
And then we were leaving, but you went over to my mom and gave her a hug and a kiss.
And I think you said, you know, take care of your son.
I was like, this is a nice thing to say, man.
It shows how genuine you are.
I thought that was cool, man.
I look forward to seeing other show in the future.
Anyway, man, be good to yourself, man.
Gang.
Gang, bro.
Thank you, man.
That's sweet of you to say.
I think I might remember.
I do remember we had one woman came out and she had six children and she brought her youngest daughter out.
She had bright red lipstick on.
I remember that pair.
And then they had another man with his mom.
She had kind of short blonde hair.
And I didn't know if it was his date or something because, you know, they got all of that stuff online.
You know, you see it with these ladies.
I thought they, you know, this might be his school teacher.
This could be a damn ninth grader.
And, you know, she's the lady that does the algebra.
And they just, you know, go into the casino for the weekend.
But, but yeah, I do remember that.
And it's nice, man.
It's cool.
You know, my mother and I have never had that experience.
I mean, she came to the show and I taped my Netflix special.
And actually, she may be coming to my show in Phoenix in a couple weeks because she lives in Tucson now.
So I'm excited about that.
But yeah, it always, you know, I think there's something, there's just a, look, man, I'm just glad you guys came and I'm glad to have been a part of it.
You know, I'm glad that makes me feel good to think that you guys sit there laughing together and some of it's awkward and some of it's not awkward.
And, you know, in little moments, you learn about each other.
And, you know, I think for a mother to get to hear her son laugh and a son to get to hear her mother laugh, you know, that's just, I just, I can't imagine when we go to like a different place, you know, after this life that that's not, that whatever the place we go to isn't made out of just that sound and that moment, whatever that is, you know.
And I'm not saying that because I'm part of, you know, because I work in the laughter business.
I'm just saying it because, you know, I just imagine that something like that has to be the truth, you know?
And so I appreciate you guys coming out.
And that was sweet of you to bring your mom out.
And if I didn't recall you guys correctly, I'm sorry.
But onward.
Let's take another call here.
We have one more.
Hey, Dale.
My name is Ryan.
I'm from Florida.
Big Ryan from Florida, dude.
What's up?
Playboy.
And you out there by the beach.
You over there in the Riff Raff country, son.
That Riff Raffodactyl, boy.
And if y'all don't know who Riff Raff is, man, this is a dude.
He's fucking growing tangerines inside of his dungarees, dude.
He's that fruit.
He's that, you know, he's producing.
You feel me?
This dude's got fucking veg.
He's out of that vegetation nation, bro.
He's sprouting sprouts.
You know, he's that guy.
He's always up to something.
And he's that lean Gene Okerlund.
Let's hear more.
And see her coming to West Palm Beach, Florida.
But thing is, I'm only 15 years old.
Dang, bruh.
Well, let me just make sure there's Nothing on the shelves or anything that's profane or anything like that, or any of those plastic cocks or whatever.
I don't know what premature Nick is doing in here during the daytime, you know.
You're only 15. I was 15 once, man.
Let me see.
Onward?
You have to be 21 going one of your shows.
So I think I might, you know, get a little trench cut or something, get on someone's shoulders and get in that way.
But don't tell anyone.
My bad.
Thanks, buddy.
Love you.
Love you too, man.
Damn, for a 15-year-old, you sound like you got, you know, you sound like you got like you probably got some pretty large nuts on you, bro.
And I don't mean that, and you might not even...
Fuck.
You sound like a healthy male.
That's what you sound like.
And I bet, you know, you seem like an, you know, fuck.
Fuck.
Yeah, you can't talk to children like that, you know.
So here's what I'm saying.
Thank you for calling.
If you do the trench coat, look, man, go deep with a big idea, bruh.
You know, get some, borrow some hair off of somebody, cut a little bit of curl off one of your Latino buddies or a Jewish buddy, you know, defro him a little bit off the back and fucking you make a beard.
Dude, I would love to see you slowly evolving into, you know, what can we do to make you look like an adult to get you into that show?
But you got to do some of the work.
You know, you still got like six weeks, so maybe, yeah, you got to borrow some sideburns or something and maybe get a mustache and do different stuff.
We'll see.
Anything could happen.
But I wish you were, you know, I'm happy that you're at the age you are.
And maybe one day I can do something for, you know, people that are underage and we do a show where there's no profanity or anything like that.
But if you're looking to have a good time, fucking pop into some of those old episodes of 90210.
That'll make you feel good.
Also, everybody, there's this show.
I want to meet this man, Chris Lilly, when I go to Australia.
And he's one of my favorite entertainers.
Him and Jerry Clower, two of my favorite entertainers of all time, and Richard Pryors.
And if you go look at him, they have a show called Summer Heights High, Volume 1. Start there.
It's on YouTube.
It'll look a little weird, like how small it is when you start playing it, but you will love that show.
You will love it.
It'll be the best show you've never seen.
And it's called Summer Heights High.
You can find it on YouTube.
And then you send that man a DM and tell him I'd love to meet him when I'm Australia and have him be a guest on here.
I just want to thank you guys.
Thank you for coming out in Atlantic City.
Thank you for coming out in Boston.
Thank you for coming out in Medford.
It was exciting, man.
It was like a first, you know, and I'm not always going to be in theaters or nothing like that, man.
I want to be in places where it's easier to meet the audience.
I couldn't meet people after the first show in Medford because they have to start the second show.
So there was no time.
There's no place.
So some of that kind of occurs.
And, you know, I know some of it's kind of impersonal, but it wasn't impersonal to me.
And we'll find ways to make it more personal in the future.
And I want to thank everybody.
I tried to meet everybody.
Dude, after the Atlantic City show, man, we must have had like 300 people, man.
And it was great, dude.
People would have had one girl.
She was probably an alcoholic.
They had this one young lady drove in from New York right after work.
And she and I got to get a picture together.
We had some people that was in the Merchant Marines that came out.
We had a young man that was just about to go off to boot camp who came out.
We had this mix.
They had these three dudes that had the craziest hair I've ever seen.
One guy, he had that, you know, that he had that Jamaican, that hammock.
You know, sometimes you'll see fellas with that Jamaican hammock hitter, and they got their hair all wrapped up, and the next thing you know, they fucking untie their hair and a fucking little, you know, two acres of Barbados falls out.
And on one of the acres, they grow in that puff.
And he had another friend that had this straight up Frederick Douglass fucking top hitter hair.
And then their third dude was this little, this white guy, and he straight up had that Vince Neal.
He had that fucking, his shit was cold pressed, bro.
His shit was, you know, it was, I mean, he had just French pressed that just flat ironed his hair, bro.
It was, it was the most remarkable hair trifecta that I'd ever seen, man.
So kudos to those boys.
Who else came out that I can, dude?
And I'm not trying to pick people out.
I just can't remember right now.
My brain is tired.
And I'm going to go get some rest.
You guys, thank you so much, man.
Be good to yourselves.
I know that you deserve it.
And...
And just thank you, man.
I'm just so grateful.
Like, you know, I realized the other day, I think part of the reason why I was feeling kind of sad is just, I just realized I get to live my dreams.
And like...
And I want to live like a person that is deservant of that gift.
Because I know some people may not be able to do that.
And I want to.
You know, I just want to be, you know, and I know people tell you all the time, hey man, thanks for the nice things you do.
And I know I hear that.
But if I'm healthy and I am capable, and then I want to be able to do all that I can, you know?
And because that makes me feel good.
When I really think about it, other things make me feel good, you know?
You know, sexual, you know, you know, doing cocaine, you know, you know, what else?
Slides, doing the slides at the park, you know, watching my fucking friend Daniel, bro.
He saved some money one time, dude.
And he was going to donate blood, dude, but he fucking took it out at his house and tried to bring it over there.
And it was like the last hundred dollars he Needed, and he was going to get a like a skateboard or one of those, maybe it was like a pogo stick or something.
And they fucking, bro, he went over there with like a half a cup of that fucking body, you know, you know, that body sauce, and they fucking shut him down, dude, and called child services, you know.
So, fuck, I don't even know what I'm talking about, man.
But I love you guys, man.
Be good to yourselves.
I know that you deserve it, man.
I know that.
I knew it from the second I met most of you.
And I'll always know that.
you know i will always know that This is that same band, Bishop Gunn, with their song, All The Ways.
Love you guys, man.
good.
Good.
All the ways to keep a young man satisfied Yes, give me that non-stop Been around the block Nasty, strutting like a clock Kind of love None of that slow down Bangin'round Tellin'mama about the love she pounds
So hard to get rid of.
It's funny how that older women can make a boy feel like a man.
There's something about that bold look in their eyes.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
The answer may shock you.
Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
Sometimes I won't.
And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
You have three new voice messages.
A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else.
So great.
Hi, Sweetheart.
Easy to.
Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.
John.
Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
I think Tom Hanks just butt dialed me.
Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
Second rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on YouTube, yeah?
