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Today's episode is with a gentleman male comedian who has who has certainly been through it all.
He has a new tour that's actually going to be in St. Louis this Friday night tomorrow.
You can get tickets to see him.
And I'm happy he's here in studio today.
It is Mr. Dane Cook.
It is Mr. Dane Cook.
I must be cornerstone.
Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind I found I can feel it in my bones.
But it's gonna take a little time for me to set that parking break and let myself all wild shine that light on me.
I'll sit and tell you my story.
What was Daniac?
What was like a name that fans because fans pick up like kind of names sometimes?
Yeah.
And I feel like.
Feel like what they call themselves.
I feel like it never kind of turns out well.
Yeah, I had Daniacs actually.
They tried to do that and I killed that.
I was like, yeah, no, no, no, no.
And then the Dane train is what I coined one day.
And I was like, okay, that sounds kind of cool.
Yeah, get on the Dane train, get off the Dane train.
Sound like a fucking Doobie Brothers song or something like that.
And I'm glad that caught for a little bit.
And a train, it gives a fan something to get off of, like your supporters something to get, you know?
Right.
Right.
We're going to bring it into the station.
Yeah.
You go home, you have yourself a nice meal.
Yeah.
And then get back on the Dane train and we'll head to the next destination.
Yeah.
And at least it's open to like if people are like, hey, you know, I've been on here for a couple years.
I'm ready to step off.
And then, you know, I'm ready to get on.
You know, it like gives the opportunity because otherwise, yeah, what if somebody gets a tattoo that they're a Daniac and then six years later, they're like, eh.
People have gotten tattoos.
I mean, I've seen people with my face on their inner thigh, which is like such a weird.
If I was going to get your face anywhere in my body, I don't know if I'd go thigh.
Yeah.
You know, maybe you just go back and you kind of make it like a, you know, just a presentation if you're, you know, down by the local pool.
It's like a little bit of the past then.
Or then it's like, yeah, something in the front, the thigh.
Right in here.
A man or woman?
It was a dude.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was a guy.
He actually had a lot of comedians on his body.
It was like a tribute to all things comedy.
Oh, that's pretty cool.
Yeah, man.
It was awesome.
Wow.
What do your fans call you?
Or call themselves?
Are they trying to come up with like a...
I got one.
Okay.
What about this?
Ready?
The Crispy Vontans.
Okay.
Hey, what's up?
All the crispy vontons out there.
Especially your Chinese fans would really, really play into that.
That's actually pretty good.
We only have, I think, one Chinese fan.
All right.
Well, you know what?
You're the crispy Vontan.
Yeah, you're the start.
Yeah, because that seems kind of, yeah, like it gets kind of crazy when you start having like fans and supporters, you know?
Yeah.
I really, when I turned a corner of being absolutely, you know, out of any kind of conversation to having people, you know, want to like know more about me beyond comedy, that's when it got a little funky because I was like, oh, I'm really different from, you know, the persona.
So that's the only part that was tricky.
I love the correspondence with fans when we were talking shop, talking comedy, talking bits, talking, you know, whatever is coming up next.
When they were like, what makes you sad?
It was like, uh-uh, I don't know if I could share that information.
Oh, that's what our whole podcast is based on.
My whole podcast is based on like, you know, just things that I've thought or felt.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, now I'm like the opposite.
Now I can dig super deep and I've kind of been through every incarnation of a career.
So it's like, now this is perfect because I've 29 years later grown into the idea of like being introspective is actually way more exciting than just being observant of behavior.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, because I was reading like some people, because you're definitely like a performer, you know, and I've always been big on, I've never been a, like I respect joke writers, but I like what I personally enjoy watching a performer.
Right.
You know, it's why I love like Sebastian Man Escalco.
Yes.
You know, it's like, it's one of the reasons why I like watching Chris Talia.
Like I like watching something occur.
Yeah.
You know, and it seemed like, but performers, it seems like don't get as much credit from the media at all.
Yeah, it's similar to like how most of the time like bombastic movies that are like action oriented doesn't get the same kind of critical acclaim as something that's just, you know, a little dour and modeling and dramatic.
It's bonkers.
It's like the same amount of effort, energy, creativity, impact, all that stuff needs to come together in order to make an act like that.
And I'm the same way.
I grew up Jerry Lewis, Steve Martin, Dice, Martin Short.
I just like people that went for it.
But as I got a little bit older, started to realize, oh, if you can work this craft and try to build yourself up, there's a way to actually have that and then bring something that's written or more introspective to it, which is kind of cool now.
And do you feel like you're doing that more with your new tour, with this new tour that you're going on now?
What's different between it?
Like if you're a fan coming out that came out, you know, that was on the Dane train in the beginning, you know, that was on, because it was really like a rocket.
I mean, was that like a rocket ship when you because I mean it really wasn't because it was a slow burn.
It probably felt that way for a lot of people that, you know, suddenly were like smacked in the face of like, who's this name?
Dane Cook, I keep hearing.
But the college market, I had for all of the 90s been just like going out and, you know, just like partying after with everybody and just trying to ingratiate myself.
And also it was just fun, you know, because I was a kid hanging out with, you know, making a little money, having some fun.
But I always understood the campaign element of it, which is if I want to, you know, be elected comedian of the year until my service is over, like I'm going to have to get as many people on board without a TV show.
I didn't have a lot of supp I didn't have like the just for I was talking to Bruce Hills at just for Lafayette.
I said, you never had me on one new faces.
I just didn't have any of the access support early, and it's probably good because it just made me have to cultivate my own means.
They don't get, it seems like, yeah, it's like, I wonder why they don't.
I think a lot of them, yeah, it like scares them or something to believe that it makes it feel like it's not about the entertainment anymore.
It's just about what the industry kind of wants to push sometimes.
Right, right.
It's what's relevant right now today.
And I'm probably, I'm not going to be a hypocrite.
I've been guilty of it myself, where it's like you just glom on to something because everybody's so enthusiastic about it.
But with time, and you're going to learn this as well.
And I've talked to people before me that turned this corner.
There's a moment, there's a process during your career where you start to earn a pedigree, where you start to, you're seasoned.
And that's actually when a performer, I think, is more interesting.
You know, the trajectory, it's great, shiny, new, exciting.
What they do with that and how we evolve and how we communicate with each other and then to the crowd, I feel like at 30 years in almost that I'm just getting good.
I'm just using all the tools in the arsenal to tell the kind of stories that I've always hoped to tell.
And to answer your question directly, what's different about the tour now is, yeah, there's more introspection because I have more hindsight to play off observationally, but it's my hindsight.
It's my story, my ups, my downs.
And the thing that was probably the trickiest about this tour in this time was I just didn't want it to be a one-man show.
I love one-man shows, but I didn't want my show to be something less than what people had seen before.
I wanted the same LPMs, laughs per minute, with all the new tools that I had in my arsenal, which took a little time to get around that turn.
But it seems like comedy is a one-man.
So when you say you don't want it to be a one-man show, what do you mean by that?
Yeah, like I didn't want it to be introspective to the point where it wasn't very entertaining.
Yeah.
You know, I wanted, if you saw me 20 years ago, the greatest compliment I've gotten this last weekend, my tour just recently started, is people saying, seen you eight times.
Was that Madison Square Garden?
Was that this?
Was that that?
This is my favorite show I've seen you do.
And people saying, honestly, I didn't know you could do that.
I wasn't sure if you could exceed my expectations again, but the show is as good, if not better, than other shows I've seen you do in the past.
And that's the greatest as a comedian, except for people quoting your shit and saying it back to you, which is always fun.
You feel like Mark Twain for a little bit, right?
It's really one of the coolest aspects of still being able to do it at the level that I've been doing it.
Yeah.
It's cool.
Do you feel, you've always seemed to me like kind of to be like a lone wolf, kind of, do you feel that?
I think that in, I don't feel that in life.
I feel like, if anything, it's an embarrassment of riches with how many great mentors and friends that I have in and out of comedy.
But when you're 28 years old and you hit the stratosphere, nobody can talk to you about that.
Nobody understands it.
And perception takes over because then people start to believe that maybe you're not accessible.
And who is accessible to you?
You don't find out two years later?
Bullshitters.
People want to make a little scratch.
People that see something to gain, scoundrels.
Fucking, it's like most Icely Cantina from Star Wars.
All the scum and villainy wants to seek you out because they want a piece of the sparkle, man.
Everybody wants some of the sparkle.
You see somebody with sparkle, it's like, oh, fuck, I want to glimmer with that person.
But now, what happens?
But it's always seemed like you, do you have this thing where it's like, I have to do this myself?
Because it always seems like you are this different kind of, like you're like Pluto kind of a little bit.
Not that you're out pushed to the outside, but that you choose to kind of be in this, you know, like.
Yeah, you don't know if I'm a planet or a ball of ice kind of thing.
Or just like a rumor that science made up, you know?
You seem to just a regular comedian coming up, you know, it's like, who is this?
Like, everybody else seems a little bit more accessible, a little bit more.
You feel that?
I don't feel that with a lot of comedians.
Yeah, and maybe, and that could be a good thing.
But your graduating class.
Your graduating class in my graduating class, I wouldn't feel that way about the comics I came up with in and around.
But I think maybe it's generational.
When I met people ahead of me, I was intimidated to go up and talk to them.
And you know what I did?
I did the same thing people kind of put on me, which is they don't want to talk to me.
Why would that person care about me?
Why would I'd see David Spade or Chris Rock when I was young in New York?
Why would they care about talking to me?
So what did I do?
I projected they're probably too cool for school.
Yeah.
Until finally you're at the comic table with somebody or we're John like this and you're like, oh shit, no, that's.
It's not that crazy.
Yeah, no, it's definitely, I don't feel like the warden of the north, like some Game of Thrones thing where I'm Pluto or something on the far outside.
I do like that that's part of the interpretation of what I am because it's a whole hell of a lot more interesting to be somebody where people want to put their hand on their chin and go, what's going on?
Than somebody who's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we get it.
We get it.
I never wanted to be that.
I thought I was that.
I actually thought I was like, yeah, yeah, we get it.
You move around a lot on stage, trying to write some stuff, we get it, and dismissed.
But if anything, the polarizing was like, oh, good.
Yeah, I'm not milquetoast.
I'm not fucking boring.
I'm interesting.
I'm almost like a little bit of a good guy, bad guy.
You don't know how I'm rolling.
Yeah, that's what I feel like with you.
It seemed like the anti-hero.
Yeah.
And you know what?
It was fun.
It's been fun.
But has that been a goal?
It seems like, because I feel like you definitely seem like obviously super aware, especially comedians are hyper aware of who we are and what's going on.
I think anyway, a lot of- And super sensitive, yeah.
Which is one of the reasons you have to be hyper-aware because you have to know, or those things kind of go together because it's like you're so aware that it makes you overly sensitive because you're taking in so much that there's so many ways that you could feel that we could feel offended easily.
And so we're so aware and then so sensitive at the same time.
Yeah, I think that we're a lot of comics, I think what we do is we ruminate and we're seeing 10 different incarnations of what could be.
And what does that do?
That then makes you start preparing for what if A happens?
What if B happens?
We exert a lot of energy, even in our stillness.
Dude, it is exhausting being hyper-aware.
It's exhausting having to constantly protect yourself from seven different ways of feeling uncomfortable.
Right.
You know, you ever hear those stories about Jim Carrey early on in his career when he would, he, he had this.
Did you ever work with him?
No, I never had the opportunity to work with him, but I've worked with people that have collaborated with him.
And I usually don't just on hearsay, I need like a few different people to validate.
And I started hearing from a few different folks that like back in the day when he would go to a party, if he thought people were going to fuck with him, doing what we're doing, thinking, oh, so-and-so is going to be there.
What if she says this?
What if he says that?
That he would sit and pre-plan some stuff to roast you or haze you so you couldn't hurt him.
Some eight mile shit, man.
He had like it already on tap.
He'd practice.
You know, imagine the energy that that took.
Because what if you see one of those people?
You know what I mean?
Like, what if they just come up with a networking people?
Yeah.
He's like, yeah, your fucking neck.
Right?
He, yeah.
That's the neck you wore?
Yeah, I could see him.
He would go deep cuts on that shit.
And I understand a little bit of that.
I think that the, you know, if you're thinking about a career in comedy, what you got to realize is it's an amazing community.
It's a brotherhood.
I mean, that guys and girls.
But it's also really cutthroat.
And it's also sometimes it's very participatory and sometimes it's very isolating, you know, and you got to know what you need to be at what point.
Right.
And that's hard to know.
And I had to Learn the hard way, which was pretty much on my own.
But then meeting mentors along the years that were the knowledge that they passed on to me helped me to figure out what a career really is.
And there's going to be a crust and you're going to dip and it's going to come up.
And then there's so many more elements than just what we do on stage.
So when your career blew up, because I mean, you had what I, I mean, and I've talked about this even in discussions about you when you weren't around, that you were like kind of the Steve Martin of our time in the way that some are of, you know, that somebody, no one has that.
I mean, that's such a rare thing that somebody has, you know, has that.
That trajectory.
It's just a rare thing.
It happens to someone, you know, and it happened to you.
And not saying that you're, you know, obviously you did the work, but what happens like with your ego in that part?
That's something we always talk about.
Because one of my scariest things to me is my own ego.
Right.
Because it's such a, it's me.
And I know that I'm crafty and that I'm cunning.
And so I know that my ego is that as well.
Right.
Like what happened like with the, like, did you find for yourself?
What I found was maybe a little different because I had grown up so as an introvert, I had grown up with a lot of fear.
I grew up as a as a self-loathing.
You know, I was in an environment of, there was alcoholism in my family.
There's a lot of heaviness and I felt like I grew up fast.
So the years that I spent doing stand-up leading up to what would seemingly be an overnight sensation 15 years later, the ego stuff really wasn't like a bravado or some kind of cockiness.
It was really more of, oh, I'm finally starting to feel like I can love myself because I obtained something in life where I didn't really know what I would get to.
You know, I pipe dreamed a lot of big stuff, Steve Martin and Dice and seeing these guys.
Yeah, definitely.
You always have those in your head, especially if you're in the business and you're seeing other people have those things.
Yeah, and so I think that if I'm if I'm understanding correctly, it's like, to me, like ego was like, I'd be at the cellar when I was still new and Chris Rock would come in.
He'd bump me.
He'd bump anybody.
And that was part of it.
That was kind of like a rite of passage as a comedian.
Like, okay, some big star, bigger star is going to come in.
And so when I made it, I was like, oh, I can do that too.
You know, I can walk into the laugh factory, which is primarily where I would just go and feel like I can do what I want.
This is, I've arrived.
So that was something I needed to get through the rotating door about to realize like, no, there's still actually like, it's still procedural and you can still have respect for your peers.
And there's a way to do that that's more appropriate than just a barnstorming a club and then like going, you know, so I got my knocks.
I learned some lessons early.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And only because certain names and some I've named, you know, would reach out and be like, can't do that, man.
You know, you don't want to, you don't want to do that.
You want to try to play it like this.
And so I, you know, I learned as I went.
And now I try to kind of what we're doing here, pass on to whoever the next girl or guy is coming up to say, like, you know, when people say stay humble, that's no bullshit.
You know, really try to, you know, keep yourself as modest.
And, you know, it's nice to be self-affirming, but you gotta, you gotta, you gotta be able to like, if, if you're gonna get a huge level of power in any industry, really, like how you manage that and how it, it reverberates off you to others, that impacts you years later when that person says, hey, thanks for being cool to me.
Yeah.
You know, thanks for being, I remember one time, like Tosh, he got really mad at me.
I never was really close to him.
And we were in the Laugh Factory lobby once.
And I usually talk out of school, but like, this is one of those stories that, and I think I had put my hand out to him and he was like, no, man, no, I don't need you in my life.
He said something that was really kind of harsh.
And I was like, dang it, I'm just, you know, congrats on the success and all that.
And he was not interested in having that conversation because I had not been cordial to him coming up.
I probably didn't take the time on many nights at the factory to.
-Hobnob or just?
-Yeah, just to...
But I wasn't doing it to hurt anybody.
I was just still an introvert in many ways.
You know, it's, it's, man, it's a fucking, it's perplexing and a paradox sometimes even, you know, for me, we had a very deep conversation off pod.
And, you know, we're complex.
Yeah, we're complex beings.
And you and I have never been like close, but we'd just seen each other in clubs, talked a few times.
And yeah, and then I came up to your house and we hung out that time.
Yeah, it was definitely interesting because I didn't know.
Yeah, it's like, I feel like other comedians you kind of get a vibe from and you kind of get an understanding of.
And you kind of seem like that, like that rare element that's kind of like, well, what's going on with this guy?
Like, is this guy, this guy's out?
This guy kind of seems like a lone wolf to me.
Yeah, I guess that in terms of how I came up in comedy, that's a fair assessment because I wasn't in a pack that was all doing arenas and billboard charts and top-selling platinum albums.
I was alone.
I was really alone.
There wasn't another person.
Dice was 25 years ahead of me having done Madison Square Guard 1990.
And I bumped him to him at Mulberry Street Pizza when I was like, it was like 05, 06. I was by myself, just having a slice, just fucking sitting there, you know, napkins on my face.
He sat right in front of me.
And I got to, you know, have this conversation with an icon, somebody I looked up to.
And I felt like finally I was talking with somebody who really understood when I was talking about the hardships that went with it and the loneliness.
You know, There was some loneliness.
I was like, oh, I got here because I wanted to be in the community and share, but I didn't know I was going to seemingly skyrocket to where people felt like a disappointment.
I wanted to, I thought that was good for the business of all comedy.
Right.
You know, because in the 90s, comedy albums were dead.
Everybody was telling me comedy was kind of like, you know, after the boom of the 80s, everybody told me they're like, comedy isn't like, you know, it was oversaturated.
Comedy Central wasn't putting on people that were really seasoned and ready.
And so there was a period of time where comedy was a little bit bottom of the totem pole.
And I felt like, hey, I think I'm helping to shed light on a new generation of comedy fans.
So outside perspective, very different about what people felt of me to what I was hoping that I was emulating out there for others.
And jealousy probably was huge.
I mean, I can only imagine that because everybody was a little bit jealous of Dane Cook, I think.
I think that what happened was a lot of comics would say to me, man, I'm so sick of DJs and people that are interviewing me for my show.
I'm trying to build saying, literally saying, why don't you do what Dane does?
Why aren't you?
And it was frustrating.
Well, I heard you say on stage one time, this is one of the most interesting things I've ever heard someone say on stage.
You said, yeah, I've been going to therapy a lot recently.
And it's interesting that I'll sit down.
I sat down in the therapist's office for the first time.
And they're like, oh, Dane Cook, I've heard your name a lot in here from other comedians.
Yeah.
And that was like such an interesting, I just remember hearing that, man.
And that was such an interesting thing.
Yeah, it was weird.
You know, I remember that moment and being like, because he had worked with a lot of comedians.
He was recommended by the comedy community.
Like, you should talk to him because he gets it.
He knows the world of comedy.
His opening line literally was, your name comes up a lot in here, man.
It's like the vulnerability in that moment of being like, and then wanting to know, what are they saying?
Of course.
Of course.
That would be so bizarre because then it's like, there's so much of you going on outside of you.
Right.
Such a view and such a conversation of you outside of you.
Right.
And it wasn't till some time that certain comics had, you know, come to me and said, one comedian, she was so, I don't want to name drop her if she wants to come forward and say.
It was probably Whitney Cummings, but it came to me.
It was not Whitney.
But I love Whitney.
But this comedian came to me and just said, you know, it took me a while.
I was one of the people that bashed you.
I misjudged you.
And she's like, a lot of that was my own feeling of not getting to what I was hoping, the fear.
It's really like everything comes back to love and fear, man.
What drives us.
Oh, yeah.
And what we want to hold on to and what we want to pass up on.
Why do you think you were easy to hate, if that's an okay question?
Well, look, I was young and wearing fucking cool jeans.
Fur?
Not fur.
Be honest, dude.
I never wore fur.
I never wore fur.
Faux fur?
Is that what you call big fur faux?
Is that park?
First, hopefully, I would assume being from Massachusetts, you would go with real fur, dude.
That's Paul Revere Country.
You guys have earned the real fur.
But did you ever wear fur?
No.
I didn't.
No, no, we didn't.
But my mom had some fur coats.
So I probably did throw one of my mom's furs.
But not once you got it popular.
No, once I made it, it was like, you know, tight shirts.
And, you know, the image that I was trying to create, Steve Martin, the white suit, the dichotomy of being like, hey, I'm dressed up really nice, but I'm being like wacky.
And then dice, of course, the element of like badass and cool.
Eddie Murphy and the leather outfit.
I was figuring out, hey, you know what?
My thing is like I'm coming up with this next generation and dudes are more fashionista in many ways than in the past.
So I just found my niche and I played up on that.
And then I could understand years later looking back like, oh my God, I wouldn't have liked that guy either.
Wow.
You know, it's, it's, you know, hindsight is an incredible, incredibly prolific thing.
And you don't know at the time.
You just think you're, you know, I don't know, just you're doing the best you can to try to create an image that resonates.
Yeah.
You know, and you did a great job.
So at certain points.
Because when you say like, you know, the jealousy and da-da-da, Theo, I wasn't looking at that.
I was looking at 20,000 people.
I wasn't looking at the one guy in the comment section who was looking at the mass square garden.
You're looking at the proof that was in front of you.
Yeah.
Because that everything I'm doing is right.
Yeah.
It was like I was just looking at the love from the fans that I had found or who found me.
So it really didn't hit me until many, many years later of like, oh, wow, there's really some genuine animosity.
And it's just up to me to have conversations like this with my peers, with the brotherhood of comedy to say, I'm accessible.
And, you know, you know, if you're a fan, I'm accessible.
You could DM me.
I write everybody back.
Sometimes people write me and say, hey, man, I'm having a shitty day.
And I go, here's what you need to do.
Because I'm super sensitive.
And I'm empathetic to that.
So the perception of me, very different than who I am when I'm just, you know, at home kicking it.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's interesting.
Yeah, because that's why, I mean, yeah, if I'm real candid, it was just like, yeah, what is Dane?
Like, Dane seems like this, I don't know, yeah, like this, kind of like this Pluto kind of like this thing where people don't know, but for some reason, people have felt rubbed the wrong way, you know?
Yeah.
But then also has probably had the ability to garner a huge amount of jealousy over time as well.
So, yeah, there's a lot of factors in there.
I bet it was probably hard to sift through some of that if you even wanted to look at it.
It was.
It was like because it didn't, it wasn't, even though it wasn't affecting me directly in terms of like business, it affected like my fans didn't like feeling like they were.
Yeah, then if you were a Dane fan, then it was like weird.
Right.
There was a period where it's like people were like, hey, I say I like you, and then I get attacked by other people.
Yeah, yeah.
But we used to be like, I'm in a wheelchair because I was at your Madison Square Garden 20,000 C show.
What you start to realize.
What's going on, bro?
Here's the breakthrough breaking news in what everybody learns when you become successful and what you're learning.
You know, right now you're in the pink cloud phase.
Everything's, you know, everybody's finding you and discovering you and passing you around.
Everything is mediocre.
Everything.
Every single thing is mediocre.
Aerosmith, I love him.
There's somebody going, I don't, that's not my thing.
You can't name a book, a magician.
Nobody.
You definitely can't name a magician.
Well, you can't name magicians.
Can we just admit magicians or comedians arch nemesis?
Are they really?
I mean, that should be armed.
Who else is it?
Yeah, it should be a movie, dude, and it definitely should be a movie.
Who else could our arch nemesis be?
No, that's it.
It has to be magicians.
That's it.
That's the end of that run right there.
But I interrupted.
But everything, no, everything is you find out success introduces you to mediocrity because then everybody outside of your realm is going to tell you why you're not that great and what sucks about you.
We're watching careers right now of people, let's just say in the last five years, and what do they do?
They get white hot and then it's like the spanking machine.
Everybody's going to get tagged and we're going to find things out that we don't like about them.
And then what happens is your fan base, the bottom of the V right here, they're still pretty much rock solid in place, most of them.
And then everybody out here is in the business of telling you, yeah, we don't care.
And they want to tell you and they're going to reach out to tell you.
All we can do, just come up with the next set, next joke, get up on stage, try to have a few more laughs with our friends, family, and then do one more show.
And that's what I'm doing.
Yeah.
We definitely seem to be really fearless, you know, that's for sure.
Because I grew up in fear.
To continue to keep your head down and keep going.
Grew up in fear.
When you grew up fear-based, which I was, then, man, just, you know, once I found this conduit comedy, once I had that, it was like the dilithium crystal.
I had fucking superpowers.
I had this ability to actually be present and important to people when I didn't even feel important to myself.
It took a long time for all those things to equate a well-rounded, healthy lifestyle, both on and off stage, you know, to be able to have great conversations like this.
Yeah.
You know?
Did you have an idea what you thought being a star was or something like that before you hit like a level of stardom popularity?
what a great question, man.
That, that, um, I remember, um, Rob, you know, seeing guys like Robin Williams playing, uh, like Garp and, Yeah.
Oh, dude, that's one of my favorite books of all time.
Love it.
It books.
Amazing.
The film, awesome.
He was awesome.
And I was looking at a lot of comedic actors and admiring that they could tell different kinds of stories.
They could make you laugh.
Maybe they could make you cry.
To me, that was like an interesting route for a career.
So what I did and where it plays into the question is like, I took my foot off the gas of what I knew people had discovered me as and was like, I'm going to downshift and try to go in that direction so I could have some more credibility outside of comedy.
Deconstructed myself really in the mid, you know, 2000 era.
You mean like with films and stuff like that, with that kind of work?
Yeah, because then I started getting some opportunity to do things that were very different from stand-up based on my stand-up.
Kevin Coster was a fan of my stand-up and then said, do you want to play a serial killer in this movie with me?
And it was like, suddenly, that was when I felt a certain level of stardom when I was not so much from the comedy ever, but from the being received.
And this all comes back to inclusion and feeling isolated as a kid.
You know, Kevin Costner's and Demi Moores and Juliet Banoche and Steve Carell, people that I loved to watch them do things that were so drastically different were now saying, hey, you know, you're one of us.
So that's when I started to feel a bit of, oh, wow, I'm in a different circle.
I'm in an inner circle.
And do you feel like then you start treating people differently?
Like, was there ever a point where you felt like looking back, like, oh, I was an asshole?
I never felt like I was an asshole.
I never felt like I had never gotten to a place where I had seen some other comedians and some other behaviors.
You know, there was.
Eddie Griffin is who he was.
There were some magicians out there, actually, who were fucking assholes.
Siegfried and Tigerface, whatever that guy's name was.
I saw some behavior in other, not even just comedians, but just in other celebrities, having been in LA for a bit.
And I thought it was really deplorable.
And I wanted to be a person that if you could approach me, if you felt like I was approachable, that there was something to be gleaned from both my success and failure.
So I never felt like an asshole.
I would listen to people talk about me.
You know, Joan Rivers, I'd never met, and she called me an asshole on Stern.
I'd never met her.
I never made a Joan Rivers joke.
I respected that woman.
She, you know, built it and cool and funny and always funny.
She used all the racial slurs once on TMZ, and it's still one of my favorite clips.
I'll watch it at night sometimes before bed.
That's your bedtime regimen.
You put on some creams and then you watch Joan.
She's like, somebody's of this and somebody's of this and somebody's of this and somebody's of this and people just need to get used to it.
Well, Joan, you know, called me an asshole.
And I remember I was.
You never met her.
Never met her.
Never met her.
And I was, man, I was like mortified.
Why?
Did you think that, oh, either, A, I'm such an asshole that it's reached Joan Rivers, like the rumor of it, or that what is going on that people think this?
Or just that I've become a name that people, for some reason, associate with it.
You know what?
If I was going to get really, if I was going to go deep into like the human element, the id, super id, what's going on with this?
I would say the one thing I didn't realize how to do was reach out early in my career when I broke through to celebrate some of the comedians that came before me.
If I met you, I would, I would, I met Dice at the Pizza Place.
And I can only, I'm guessing, but maybe it, maybe it hurt her that I had arrived and maybe didn't shout her out.
Right.
You know, because we're all so fucking sensitive.
And what I've learned about her from other people was, hey, man, she was, she was very sensitive too.
See, we're all that.
And so having people call you an asshole from time to time is actually kind of confusing.
Was it uplifting in a weird way, though?
Was there part of your ego or part of you?
I mean, part of any of our ego where, like, at least they're talking about me?
Well, the part that you...
The best part about being considered, you know, being ostracized in a way where people think you're like the bad guy or an asshole or whatever is for me, I can only talk about my experience, but for me, it was like, good.
This is an armor to keep the people that have hurt me my whole life away because they're a little scared of me because they think I'm something beyond just a regular guy, which I'm just a regular dude.
I'm just funny for an hour and a half on stage.
And otherwise, I'm pretty basic, you know, I'm jeans and t-shirt kind of guy.
And, you know, so that to that extent, I didn't mind, I didn't mind everybody having an opinion on me.
And I didn't really mind if it was harsh.
It just started to hurt when my fans were really included.
And my family, you know, even my family, like, why did this tabloid say this about you?
That's when it started to get a little confusing.
Yeah.
Because I was like, oh, I'm just here to make people laugh.
And, you know, I get it.
Nobody loves everything.
More people don't love you.
But it was a little weird, you know?
Even looking back and talking about it now, it's still like, what did I ever do to anybody except just try to get laughs?
The greatest thing that we can do is try to get laughs.
You know, I'm trying to do that.
It wasn't like I'd get laughs and people would be withering and dying and it's like, give me all the power of laughs to where it's like you would leave an empty fucking theater of just corpses and you're like, I'm an asshole.
I steal souls.
It was just like, no, I just want to make you forget about your fucking hardship for a little bit.
And if people take issue with that, then that's what other people think of you is none of your business.
Yeah.
You know, and I try to implement that.
Yeah, I don't know why.
I wonder why that thing, why that thing surrounded you so much then, that it was like, I remember the first time, yeah, I just wonder why that surrounded you so much.
But it doesn't now, which is kind of funny because if you talk to people now, or even somebody talks to you, it's like, no, once you talk to me and once you hang with me, you'd be like, oh, man, he's pretty level-headed.
You know, I'm not a person that has a lot of foibles otherwise, man.
I'm pretty, you know, I'm a Boston kid and we say it like it is and wear our heart on our sleeves.
And I'm not into playing a character.
I'm into, my journey for the next many years of my life is like, how can I be more present?
How can I be more real?
How can I be more authentic?
Yeah.
You know, organic.
That's my journey now.
Wow.
Yeah, it's interesting, man.
It's such a, yeah, because after we hung out, I was like, I was like, I don't know what, I don't know if, you know, I didn't know what to think.
I was like, Dane seemed so like normal and I had never.
And I told you my preconceived notion of you.
Yeah.
I was very honest with you about saying, hey, man, I prejudged you as well.
I thought like, oh, this is a guy that's like trying to make it out of some other career.
And is he really a purist?
And I was, you know, I wrongly did the same thing.
I took that cut.
You left my house that day and I was like, I could grab a lunch with that guy.
I like him.
You know, you're really, you're deep.
You're a deep guy.
And you're fucking funny.
You know, you're funny.
You deliver on stage.
Everybody knows it.
Everybody's chatting about it.
So I admire that, but I like that you can do this.
Right.
You know, I wish in some ways I had more of this maybe around that time.
Right.
Where the fuck were you, Theo?
You could have helped.
I don't know, dude.
I was probably doing cocaine.
Come on, Crispy Vontons.
Let's go.
Hashtag crispy vontons.
Let's go to a, we have fans of submitted questions at some point.
We love this.
Okay, good.
And I actually had one too.
Okay.
You talked about, or you've never drank or smoked or done a drug at all.
Fact.
Like when you were at your darkest, did that even cross your mind as like something to turn to?
No.
Pussy, dude.
Why not?
No.
I just never, it was not, it truly was not something that was on my radar.
And growing up as a, you know, I'm an adult child.
I'm an alcoholic.
Alcoholic, yeah.
So I watched.
You would be an alcoholic.
I would definitely be an alcoholic.
And you might beat us a dry one.
I'm not, but I'm not addicted.
I don't have an addictive personality outside, so I don't know if I would.
That's a good idea.
But I'm intense.
I'm intense, you know, competitive with myself.
I think I said years ago, if I did drink, I'd probably need to be the drunkest person in the room because it's like, no, I just have to.
You want to win.
I want to win.
I want to show myself that I can do more.
But it never was very interesting to me.
Wasn't my thing.
Yeah, even sometimes people with alcoholic parents, they end up repeating the same patterns.
I think it's like impressive.
Well, my mom said to me one day, your dad was really brilliant.
He was a brilliant guy.
He was a BC graduate and a businessman.
She said, just, and she goes, and he fucks up because he gets in his own way and he breaks everything down that he was building up.
And so I was like, if I don't imbibe, maybe I can build up and not have the breakdown portion.
So, you know, but I might start doing heroin, man.
I've been thinking about it.
Oh, dude, I haven't, you know what?
I'm at that age where I'm sure it'll probably help.
Oh, yeah.
I could see you taking a little hit.
I mean, you take a little weight off, though.
I don't know if you're for favor.
I wouldn't mind that.
That would be.
But do you find, do you have like an obsessive, do you have an addiction you think with working out or like an obsessive like, because you always are, like, you definitely seem jacked.
No, I don't, I mean, I don't have some, I don't have like a regiment.
I do love working out because it's good for my brain.
Yeah, I think a lot when I'm like doing cardio and coming up with ideas.
You know, I do have a lot of energy.
I'm, you know, the energy people see on stage is not put on.
Right.
That's love of the game energy when I get up there.
Um, I have to temper it sometimes because I'm so excited.
Yeah, I think maybe that's one thing that makes you like confused or has made you confusing to people.
I think your energy is just different.
It's very frenetic.
You have this like, you know, it's very different than a guy you would think maybe see a guy doing comedy.
It's like an anomaly in a way.
Yeah, I don't know.
I guess.
I watch other comics that, you know, have energy.
And I guess maybe because how I came up, I can look at somebody else and go, oh, this is organic.
This is like they love the movement and stuff, not as a character or a layer, but they're just so enthused to be, you know, and then the whole ego of having people around you love you and care about what you're saying on top of the artistry of performing.
Man, it could be elusive and it could also be very addictive.
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah.
Let's hear this.
Cool.
Theo, dang, what's going on, guys?
Had a quick question for you.
What is your most proud moment as a comedian?
Just a moment that might stand out to you or give you the most joy?
That's it.
Thank you.
Gang gang.
Gang gang, man.
You got a lot to pick from.
I'll let you choose first.
You me go first?
I I think it would probably have to.
No, I know it would be the I've hosted twice, but the first time I hosted Saturday Night Live.
Yeah.
Because what happened was that I'm going to give you the abridged version because it's actually more convoluted.
But I wanted to be on the show for years.
Saw it when I was a kid and was like, that's where I belong.
This circus of freaks and whatever these weird characters and wigs, people wearing wigs at work.
Who doesn't want to wear a fucking weird wig and go to work and like do a voice like this and a fuck like this for like five minutes?
Right?
I was like, I love that.
Whatever that outlet is, I need to plug into that.
Usually that's a lunch lady, usually, but I love how, yeah, that's a skid we should definitely a Saturday Night Live too.
I would watch the show and I would dream about doing the show.
And then years later, Lauren Michaels came and saw me at the comic strip in New York City.
My career was already starting to really roll.
We were talking about maybe potentially doing like a Billy Crystal one season thing where I'd come in and just be like a comic for one year on there and do skits and stuff.
But that kind of fell through.
And so then I said to Lauren that night after we talked at the comic strip, I said, Lauren, I'd love to host.
And he said to me, he's like, yeah, that's not going to happen.
And I was like, why?
And he goes, because that's not how we do it anymore.
I go, yeah, but Carlin and Pryor and all these guys, like they would do the monologue and it was different because it was stand-up, not a skit.
And he's like, yeah, it's passe.
We're not doing it.
And then four months later, retaliation came out, number four on the Billboard charts.
I'm in a hotel in Vegas for the comedy festival.
Lauren Michaels, he called me up.
Hello.
Hey, man, you're hosting.
And he gave me a date right there.
So.
Wow.
What did you do after you hung up the phone?
Be honest.
Did you jerk off or not?
Fucking four times in a row.
I didn't even have anything in it at the end.
The last one just air came out.
Oh, dude.
Yeah.
Confetti came out of my cockhole.
Oh, yeah.
That's called Apollo 17. And it went just fucking, there's nothing at the end.
That's the one that blew up.
I like that where you got the Apollo 17, Pluto.
There's kind of a whole astrological and astronomical.
But did you honestly, do you think you jerked off or not?
No, I flipped out, man.
Have you ever jerked off?
You seem like maybe it was never jerked off.
I'm not a big jerk off guy.
I pick my moment, and then it's like, when I do, it's a party, you know?
But some guys are like, I got a buddy who's like, dude, I got to jerk off every day, sometimes two, three times a day.
That's too much, man.
That's for our listeners.
That's that for our listeners.
And I'm like 80 days off of pornography right now.
So, dude, this past weekend, I had the first weekend on the road where I didn't jerk off or didn't think about it.
Wow.
The first weekend.
Yeah, in 15 years of doing stand-up.
So that's how I know that there's positive stuff in not watching pornography.
Yeah.
I think that's smart, man.
That's an interesting.
Are you talking about that in your stand-up too?
No, I just know not yet.
I mean, we talk about it on the podcast a lot.
We have a lot of guys who jerk off and are trying not to.
No, it's never been my prime directive.
I don't know if that would be like.
I was more like, no, I actually want to meet a beautiful woman and like try to, you know, actually have sex with a woman.
That was for many years.
That was my goal.
I don't want to touch myself.
Oh, I had that goal, and then I would jerk off and just ruin that goal, you know?
I was just sitting there ruining my own goals.
You ever just get with the girl and then jerk off and just have it like, you know, a twofer?
My thing now is I don't, if I have sex with a girl, I'm not coming.
That's for, I do that by myself sometime, you know?
Okay.
Because women want to play hardball playing hardball.
You know?
That's how I feel, dude.
I'm not doing that.
You're not getting that, baby girl.
Oh, my God.
This is where you would go to a commercial break.
Excuse me for just a second here.
I got to ask you something.
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And now back to the show.
So Lauren Michaels calls.
Yeah, man.
You have that conversation in Vegas.
You must have got off the phone and felt pretty.
I was emotional.
You know, I was emotional because it was really, you know, the kid in seventh grade, man.
Yeah, yeah.
The kid from seventh grade that dreamt the whole thing.
It was like validation, boom, that day.
I've had a few moments in my career where I felt like really embraced.
But that standing backstage at SNL, hearing the band play, being in that dark back area, looking through the beveled glass and seeing the crowd a little bit warped, and then boom, opening that door up and knowing I'm here because I did it.
I did it all myself.
And I'm not on a hit show.
I'm not on a hit anything.
Yeah.
I'm just a dude who gets up there and slings some haha for a little bit and I made it all the way to SNL.
You know, it shows you anything is possible.
Really, anything is possible, man.
It's like just, you know, whatever you want to come to fruition, it's all hard work.
Anytime you fail, anytime people don't make it to where they feel like they want to get to, I feel like a lot of that is self-imposed.
Really?
I think we put the obstacles in front of ourselves.
Yeah.
I think that sometimes we, it's just the human condition is like we want to, you know, human beings, we're not exactly programmed to be just love, support, and caring, or else we wouldn't have money.
We'd just be like making things for each other all the time.
I built a hut, Theo, living it.
It'd be dream catchers, things like this.
Somebody sent me this neck brace for somebody who's, you know, because I always want to have a little bit of a longer neck.
I got a limited neck.
It looks like my grandma's tampong.
Well, she's obviously been through some tough times.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
She had a huge vagina.
Dang, she must have.
That is a real hitter.
Yeah, and that is a unique flow she had.
Somebody had going.
Wow.
Did you still feel then, even when you're getting on stage that these people aren't going to like me because I came, I did it my way?
Or I took my own path.
Really?
I mean, around that time, then it was, you know, 100 arenas in a row over many years.
So that was just, I call that like portion of my career was just like the parade.
You know, it was just every day waking up and literally going, who called today?
And what do they want me to do?
And how can I, you know, how can I play in the sandbox for one more day of, you know, entertainment?
It wasn't until, you know, everything finally hit that upper, upper crest right around like 2010.
And then as it started to come down the other side, I remember feeling like, okay, so I had my moment and now it's literally going like our act.
After a certain amount of time, it's passe and we're a new comic again.
And I was a new comic again.
I was ready for the next chapter and I didn't mind that it wasn't going to be as white hot for a little bit.
Did you have a moment at the top when you started to come down the other side where you're like, did you feel like you had friends?
Did you feel like you had people around you?
Oh, yeah.
Did you feel like you still had comedians that were on your side?
Or at that point, was it?
I mean, I had the guys that I, you know, Eddie Murphy came to see.
Good luck Chuck.
He came to support my movie.
And I felt like maybe not, again, my graduating class, yeah, very tight.
Very, I made it with a lot of guys, you know, fortunately, like a lot of guys in our group has had and continue to have really wonderful success.
And yet the guys that were in front of me, you know, Richard Lewis and Jerry Lewis and, you know, Dice and all these people that I had wanted to emulate made me feel like, hey, man, it's okay.
This is part of it too.
Right.
This is actually the part of the career that gets interesting because then all that stuff.
I was just talking to Dice last night or texting back and forth.
I said, you know, this is the stuff that makes roles like when he was in Blue Jasmine or Starsborn.
The vulnerability comes from these years, comes from the stuff that happens on the in-between.
If I want to go back and play Madison Square Garden, I know I can do it.
I know exactly how to put myself right back in that.
But where I'm at now in these beautiful theaters and connecting with people in a really unique way 29 years in is more, I'm more enthusiastic about that than thinking about what I did 10 years ago or 12 years ago.
Now, when you say that like, so you just said like doing those roles and being vulnerable, was there a moment like on the come down part?
Like on that, you know, when it, because you can only get so high, you know, there's only so many people.
You can stay there for so long.
Yes.
Right.
Was there a moment on the come down part where it was like – because it became like people would say like – it became like – It was like people kind of turned against you.
Well, it was the exact opposite of how much of a spectacle it was when I arrived.
The pendulum always swings.
Exactly, huh?
Yeah, so it was like, I'm not going to be just called like, oh, he's done.
It's going to be like, he never was.
Yeah.
He doesn't exist in the anals of stand-up comedy.
It's like, you know, or the anals.
The anals or the anals.
Either.
Either way.
Trust me, you get fucked a lot in this.
Well, there is the anals of this industry.
There's some fucked up stuff in this industry where it's like, if you're not just like a joke writer and you don't fit into this certain formula that, you know, that a lot of people who run the industry think is like, this is what's funny, then you're not funny.
Right.
And I hate that shit, man.
Because the funniest guys are the people that make people laugh the most.
That's what I think.
And that's what the ruling always should be.
And now it's gotten even worse.
Now it's like you have to be not funny and politically correct.
Right.
Which has just led to basically people just reading Thoreau on stage comedy.
Well, it's because comedy is so corporate.
You know, it's because it's a Philly.
It used to be a dark thing in a basement where everybody would go and sneak into, and it was like, here's where you're going to hear the things that we're all thinking and somebody needs to say it.
And now it's sponsored and it's Viacom and it's a business.
It's a whole different thing.
I'm a purist.
I like the idea of coming into the club.
No phones.
I like Chappelle does that thing.
No phones.
Yeah, the bags.
And Sebastian.
I love that, man.
It's like, this should be a place where we can all come in and hang out and air some stuff out.
Doesn't mean that it's a place to go in and be racist or be fucking.
I'm chill with.
Well, maybe you.
I mean, look, bro.
I'm not racist unless you are.
You know what I'm saying, brother?
What do you got?
We'll save that for later.
But wasn't it fun when you used to be able to be a little bit racist?
And even if you knew as a comedian, as an entertainer, you were going to be able to get people of that race on board.
People still, listen, there still is room for that.
The whole thing is not everybody can do a joke that's so beyond the line of decency.
Not everybody's going to get away with that, but there are people out there because they don't have malice in their heart, and you know they're not coming at it from a place of being derogatory.
They're coming at a place of being expressing something we're all kind of feeling, something that's running through all of us.
That's a great comedian, you know?
But that's fucking hogwash.
All this stuff about, and I had it so much growing up.
All the alt comics, you know, for a period of time, I was mainstream and then I'm moving around.
I'm not David Cross.
Everybody had something to say about it.
And then when I would try to do something different, of course, it was like an outrage.
Who is he to think he can do a dramatic role?
And people smash it.
He has a joke with a sweater in it.
What is he doing?
Now he's an alt comic.
Every alt joke has a sweater in it.
And a beard.
Yeah, get the fuck out of here.
So, I don't know, man.
All that stuff comes at you and you just go, hey, the only thing that really matters is how you're being received by that crowd.
I've said a couple of times recently, people ask about my career and good or bad, there's only one thing that keeps you relevant in comedy.
One word keeps you around.
And if you're not that word, we're not going to see in a little bit.
Funny.
Funny Phill's rooms.
Nobody's coming and going, I'm going to go see Dane Show again because it's not funny and it wasn't funny.
But this time I want to see if it's still not funny.
Who are we to like put each other in boxes when it's really all about just getting a message across using every facet of what we are as people?
Yeah.
You know?
Wow, I got really like, I felt myself get really interesting, man.
Nah, look.
Emotional.
It's true.
Let's take another question that came in here, Nicholas.
Yo, what's up, Theo?
What's up, Dane?
This is Cy from Minneapolis, Minnesota.
What is your guys' thoughts on, you know, that whole Robert Kraft, you know, dark arts, witchcraft, whatever you want to call it?
Him doing that.
What do you guys think of that?
Anyway, I love the podcast, Gang, Gang.
Gang, man.
He's talking about that suckoff over there before the Chiefs game.
Oh, his name was Cy?
Yeah.
Was it Psy like SAI or Psy like...
I don't know.
Like sad?
Did his parents name him after a...
And they just named him Cy?
Anyway, thanks for the question, Cy.
Listen, if you're 77 and you want to get a little rubband tug, I think that should be your prerogative.
The mistake he made is he shouldn't have gone to Florida.
He should have gone to Europe where they don't give a fuck.
Yeah.
Yeah, in Europe, man, that's an appetizer, dude.
You know, that come with the water.
But yeah, look, everybody's been jerked off somewhere by somebody they didn't know if they wanted them to or not.
Well, I have.
I mean, that's most of my childhood, probably.
Do I remember the first time ever, some girl jerked me off, first time it ever happened to me into a stream, like a little kind of still water by our house, and the fish came up and ate it right in front of me, dude.
And I had these crazy dreams after that for probably maybe four years.
So your semen became chum.
Oh, dude.
You know what I'm saying?
But if I thought there was going to be like, what happens now?
I was so scared.
I was afraid to tell anybody.
Like, what if like fish vaughns came out of the water, right?
Just little fish with your fucking head on them.
Yeah, I mean, just saying little jokes, right?
Because he couldn't stop chumming.
But yeah, so everybody goes through a tough time.
I think, yeah, look, Robert Kraft is a champion.
If those ladies, as long as they weren't, you know, being held against their will or something and they want to, you know, perform, do that type of business, I don't see anything wrong with those women doing that type of business if they're doing it to survive and they want to do it.
Yeah.
The whole human trafficking element, that's not what we're talking about.
That's, that's pretty fucked up shit.
Yeah.
Somebody's locked in a, yeah, somebody's under the influence of drugs to be kept in an alley or something like that.
Like if somebody chooses, like, if Theo and I said, hey, you know what, for a buck, you can suck our cock, you know, that, that should be like, we're grown men.
We should be able to make that offer.
Yeah.
I mean, that's.
For a buck.
Yeah.
I would say 99 cents because that always, it's more enticing.
Look at him, dude.
It's a businessman name.
Beach marketing right here.
Yeah.
And I would probably raise it to about 20 bucks, you know?
Maybe it comes with a hoodie.
Yeah.
It's a merch at the end.
Yeah.
Now we're going to Chris DeLee.
It comes with the doesn't make a dent hoodie.
Is he selling a lot of merch?
Dude, somebody, yeah, I just love it.
I saw a guy with a doesn't make a dent hoodie on the other day at the airport.
I love that, man.
And I was like, wow.
It's very, very cool.
I saw a homeless guy wearing one of my shirts that I always donate like extra merch at the end of tours.
And I have a picture with this, the grimiest homeless dude, and he's wearing a Dan Cook shirt.
And I was like, that's me.
That's my shirt.
And he was like, I don't give a fuck.
But we took a picture in my office.
That's awesome.
What was the question?
Oh, the Robert Kraft.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Look, I mean, the guy's a champion, you know, and sometimes you have to relax before the big game.
Right.
And sometimes during the big game.
Yeah, that's true.
And his wife, I think, is 78. Would you bother that woman?
You're going to bother a 78-year-old woman?
She passed away like six years ago.
Oh, she did?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, then way fucked up.
Imagine you have him masturbating in a graveyard instead because that's the alternative.
Man, masturbating in a graveyard should be the name of your book someday.
I don't know why.
I could just see you on the cover and maybe have some fish in a little creek that are also like watching.
Yeah, it wouldn't be bad.
Put us on the edge of the graveyard.
But still, you got to think about that.
If that's the alternative, then, look, man, I'd say we start a go fuck me campaign for fucking Robert Kraft and get him what he needs.
Go fuck me.
Let's do that.
That's a great idea.
Man, you are entrepreneurial, man.
Well, look.
I'm doing what I can.
I'm doing what I can, man.
What else do we have, man?
What do we got?
Hi, Theo.
Hi, Dane.
My name is Alex Chinlai.
I'm from Port Perry, Ontario.
And my question today is pertaining to age and getting older.
I recently just had a birthday at the beginning of February, and this was the first year where I was dreading it.
And I Googled it, and I saw that you guys actually have birthdays coming up, and they're back-to-back, if Google is correct.
So I'm just curious as your thoughts, or as to your thoughts on getting older and aging, and if it's something you enjoy, if it excites you, if it gives you anxiety, like it gave me anxiety this year.
I'm just curious as to what you think.
My favorite part of that question was when she said, if Google was correct.
That spoke to me more than anything, because a lot of times Google is not correct.
Wikipedia, yeah, don't believe everything you read on the intranet.
Yeah.
Now I believe everything I read on the internet, but you're right.
I agree with you.
We're both right.
You got a birthday coming up?
Yeah, March 19th.
18th.
Really?
Yeah.
Fellow Pisces, man.
Crazy, dude.
Cool.
How old are you going to be?
I'm going to be 39. Dude, you look great, man.
Really?
Yeah.
I don't feel great.
Really?
Yeah.
No, you're good.
I'm thinking about ordering blood off the internet.
I've had some work.
You got a good quaff.
I've had some work done.
I had a hair taken out of the back of here and put it into here.
Oh, okay.
Well, it looks great.
A lot of people do that, man.
That's really, that's not uncommon.
It looks awesome.
Yeah, I've seen other people that have, and then I've also now seen other comics ask me about it.
Right.
Yeah, why not?
Right?
It's like if that's available, then hell yeah.
Would you ever do that?
Would you ever do anything you think?
I would do that.
Yeah.
I mean, for me, it's like getting older.
I think we're lucky as men because, you know, we can be distinguished.
And it also adds to like, okay, this is, I'm 46. This is the roles that I want to play now and the kind of parts that I, you know, hope to, you know, inhibit, it's like, or inhabit is, it's, it's good.
Age actually helps.
So I've never been concerned about aging, but at the same time, it's like, yeah, I feel like if I used to have a huge acne scar right here, and I would go and I would get filler.
I'd have him do some collagen in it because it was like, I hated it.
I didn't like my face.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
So I was like, and it took years to finally be like, fuck it.
You know what I mean?
It's part of me.
It's part of character.
So I'm in the, I'm in, I'm fully behind doing whatever it is that you feel like you need to do to better health and wellness.
You know, whatever that is.
Somebody said you got calf implants was a rumor that went around.
Did you ever hear that?
Dude, I don't, but look at these.
Look at my calves, bro.
Oh, my God, bro.
It looks like my friend Ben.
Look at that.
I'm like a Clydesdale.
Can we see that?
Yeah.
I never had calf implants, but I've always had huge calves.
Jesus Christ, bro.
I'm holding up all that stress, I bet.
My mom, I remember years, you know, years and years ago, I said, what was it like when you gave birth to me?
She goes, your calf ripped the shit out of my pussy.
Dude, you probably had to have one come out first and then one come out after.
There's no way you were breached, dude.
Nobody could have fucking handled that.
Actually, I think it was one of those things where she wanted to do like a C-section.
Yeah.
But they were like, either way, these things are going to fucking hurt.
Something's going to get stressed.
You're going to have to take four your ribs out later.
You're going to be the next Marilyn Manson up here.
Yeah.
People ask me.
Did you ever hear that?
Did that tap implants?
Yeah, man.
I've heard a lot of crazy shit.
You know, people think fucking...
Oh, I would maybe.
I mean, yeah, I mean, I guess at some point I would look into some of that.
I got some long ones.
Yeah, it's threading or bladed or threading.
What people don't realize is like when you're 46, and this is the stuff you learn as you get older, the hair on the, they call this the crown part, like starts to diminish.
So it's not that like I'm sculpting my eyebrows.
It's like I'm fucking aging.
I'm 46. Hey, guess what?
Someday fucking I might not have any eyebrows.
I'd be like Whoopi Goldberg.
Right?
Do you, yeah, I guess aging, I get a little bit scared.
I realize that I need to do, like, I want to get in shape before I do a special now because I just want to be able to move a little bit better on stage and be at my most fluid.
Sure.
So I can, you know, like physically do things better.
I notice my body will do more for me and will take me to new places.
Like sometimes I'll do something if I'm really feeling good, then I'll do something and it'll create something.
My brain or brain's like, oh, you can do this idea now.
And so I'm learning that a little bit.
You do yoga?
That they help each other out.
I've tried to do a lot of yoga.
Yoga's great, man.
Keeps you so limber.
And, you know, because I've always been very physical.
I don't throw my body around.
I'm not doing like fucking drop kicks and uma piladas anymore on stage and some of that insanity because it it would hurt.
But just you know, going to the gym, keeping yourself healthy, man.
That's yeah, that's another tool to your performance.
You know, if you can do that.
Some people go the other way, gain fucking 150 pounds, and that's funny too.
Yeah.
You know, greatest part about aging is that as a comedian, it's all funny.
Right.
It's all funny.
if you embrace it, yeah.
If you don't mind being like, got the little punch going, and it's all funny.
Well, I got that limited build.
I'm built like a kind of stogel wagon and people, and we've talked about this before.
You know, I don't have that really, I wish I had kind of wider shoulders.
I have limited neck range.
So I've always, you know, had different things I want to do.
I used to wear a neck brace at night all the time to try and get my neck longer.
Try to get it longer?
Yeah.
You try to elongate yourself?
Yeah.
A little.
Not much.
I mean, I'm not trying to fucking...
Wait, was it like...
I was going to say, you put it on and was there like a wench that you would turn and it would like almost ready for the dance.
No, it would just kind of, you know, it would make you really be a taut.
Right, really, more rigid.
I like to get it a little bit taut to let it know that I mean business.
That was kind of my goal.
Well, I noticed that about you.
You get kind of a Terminator thing that's happening.
Yeah, well, I'll just have limited...
They were just looking straight ahead all the time.
There's no fucking hindsight.
There's no side sight.
See, I like that.
Zero peripheral vision.
I like that.
My family, my whole legacy was they were looking into a fucking glass of ale for most of it.
And, you know, just can't wait to get that in their belly instead of fucking looking out.
I hate to interrupt the episode because it's a good one, I think.
But is your home like mine?
Cluttered with stuff you don't even use anymore?
What's that?
A toy train?
I'm in my 30s.
Clothes and shoes you don't wear taking up valuable closet space?
A tennis net for some reason indoors?
Old phones hiding in drawers, toys and games that the kids aren't even interested in anymore?
You know what I'm talking about.
Well, let me tell you about an app that you can use to sell this stuff.
It's called Mercari.
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That's M-E-R-C-A-R-I.
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Let's take one more.
What's up, Theo?
This is a question for Dane.
I wanted to ask you why you got kicked out of the laugh factory in Los Angeles.
And Theo, if you had any close calls to getting booted out of the laugh factory, I know that's a big comedian area for comedians in Los Angeles.
Gang, gang.
Gang, man.
And I don't know, is that true that you get?
That's where Google is.
You know, Google gets it wrong a lot because I don't know if people realize this, breaking news.
Anybody that posts anything on Google that says they're a reporter finds a place and it stays up there.
And if a lot of people click on it, the algorithm goes, that must be reality.
Yeah.
You know, it says on my fucking Wikipedia that my father was a potato farmer.
Was he?
No, never.
But people kept voting it up.
I think there was like a mob of people that was like, let's put some misinformation in there.
And they validated.
It was live in Dane's life up with some veggies.
Laugh Factory thing.
I wish it was an exciting story.
It was not all the hullabaloo of getting banned for life and all that.
I'd known the owner for 17 years.
We had a falling out.
It literally was like, it was what men do kind of moment.
It was just like guys, the way guys sometimes fight.
And then our relationship is actually enhanced by the fact that we both allowed each other to vent and fucking, you know, have the swagger.
Two years went by.
Talked to Jamie, the owner, Jamie Masada.
He's like, I love you, buddy.
I'm like, I love you too.
I was there that Saturday night.
And, you know, it was just two guys that after many years of business together, successful business together, had a difference of opinion.
Our philosophies, man, that's the thing that people don't realize.
Philosophies change.
Your constitution is different from mine.
What we're trying to do is find a place that we're, you know, where we are both being received and understood for what we're trying to put into, say, our careers.
That's something a common ground.
But away from that, it's our differences that are actually, I think, even more interesting.
Something like, you know, you're very vastly different from me and good.
That should be the way it is, right?
Yeah.
What are you most excited about with the upcoming tour?
I mean, you said that obviously, you know, like people are coming out and they're saying, oh, wow, I didn't think that I would have a new experience with you.
Right.
But I had that.
Yeah.
I think that, well, first of all, what feels entirely, you know, I haven't, I haven't, people say like, oh, is it a comeback?
I never, I was still touring, but I just wasn't doing like a Live Nation, you know, put a name on it, shoot a special during it.
I hadn't had one of those years since Troublemaker, which was four years ago.
And so being out there now, the thing that's the most, that I'm most enthused about, the show is an amazing show.
The show is one of the best shows that I feel like I've put together in terms of, you know, the bullet points I want to hit as comedy.
But I'm so present, Theo.
You know, it took a long time to not be a person who was encumbered by the past and the things about my youth that made me feel so maligned and outside and different, you know, and bad about myself.
Yeah, yeah, we talk a lot about that stuff on the show.
I did that a lot of years, man, you know, even with success, looking back, why do people hate me?
Why did this situation happen to me?
And then there were years where it was like, all I'm doing is looking ahead.
I'm not even enjoying the now, the here and now.
What do I got to do next?
Why?
Because the expectations when you make it in this business is like, now you're paying my mortgage, kid.
So get out there and fucking do more of whatever it is that you're doing.
You feel that responsibility.
You know, I had a company with 25 people working for me.
I want to make sure everybody is winning.
That's a lot.
That's a lot more than just being a joke slinger.
Yeah, it's different when it starts to become a business.
It's way different.
Yeah.
And then finally, it settled into about 10 years ago it being something where I felt very present.
But this tour in particular, because of the content, it's really about the content.
Because now I can celebrate all of it.
I talk about some pretty dark moments in my life, I think in the funniest way possible.
I talk about some of the high watermarks in a way that's self-effacing.
I take the piss out of myself.
I can fuck with my success and I can tell you why that wasn't a failure.
And I can do that in a funny way.
Tell it like it is, Tor.
You know, and that's the name of the tour.
Tell it like it is, because that's what I'm doing.
Yeah.
Do you feel what do you think has helped you get more introspective over the time?
Therapy, you know, did some great therapy.
Did you do EMDR or anything like that?
No, I just did like, you know, one-on-one?
Yeah, yeah.
After my parents died, I didn't know how to grieve.
I didn't know what that was.
I ignored it.
I just did more shows and just like kept trucking.
I was just like Forrest Gump when he just ran for two fucking years.
I just didn't stop.
And then one day I was really sad and I was like, I was, I was, I remember I was like real broken and it just hit me.
It was almost just like the flu, the way it just, it like entered my body.
And I was like, I miss my parents.
I lost them too soon.
They're not here.
I couldn't call them anymore to be like, what do I do with, you know, all this backlash or all this adulation?
I couldn't call them anymore.
Right.
And that really hurt me deeply.
Yeah, but that's heartbreaking.
Yeah, it really was.
And I lost my brother.
You know, essentially my brother died because of all that, you know, all that craziness.
So it was like, I went through this period of my life where I needed help.
I needed somebody to help me connect the dots.
So I actually found a therapist who was an agent many years ago.
So he got it.
He understood the business.
Not the comedy guy.
I didn't go back to him.
What about, did you feel like you had, like, at a time when your career got so busy that did you feel like disappointing yourself that you hadn't spent more time with your family during that?
Well, I still had an amazing connection with my mom.
And even if I couldn't, you know, physically be with her, we talked all the time.
Right.
You know, and she came to a lot of shows.
If I had seven shows in New England, she was at all seven.
Oh, wow.
You know, drinking Kahlua sombreros, man, and fucking heckling me.
That's what I'm talking about.
My mom used to heckle me from the back of the room.
Wow.
She would literally yell things out like, talk about the night you walked in when I was having sex with your father.
And then another person in the crowd would go, hey, shut up.
And then I'd go, no, you shut the fuck up.
That's my mom.
She can say whatever she wants.
It was like an act.
Me and my mom got into this whole thing.
So that was brutal.
But the gift of therapy, you know, some people think like, ah, no, it's hooey.
It's hokey.
It is not.
As a person who sat in that seat week after week after week or on the phone if I was on the road, to be able to purge yourself of some of those negative thoughts.
Yeah.
Man, it was life-changing.
Oh, yeah.
I got the everybody today at five.
I'll go with you.
And I'm excited.
Let me just tag a little bit.
People are like, oh, we've heard a lot about you in here.
I'm like, oh, this really runs place to place for you.
I would say a word, but every once in a while you just hear me go like this.
Yep.
I know that.
Me too.
Did, man, I had a question for you.
You were just talking about your mom.
You were talking about therapy.
Yeah.
Just getting present, you know, being in the moment, being, being, you know, on stage and off.
Yeah.
You know, where it didn't, who I was offstage didn't matter.
Who I was onstage didn't dictate my importance in life offstage.
And my insignificance in life didn't, I didn't take that on stage to impede on my act.
A healthy balance of both.
You know?
It takes a while.
Yeah.
Takes a good long.
We're on this road for a long time, man.
And look at Gary Shandling.
You know, that documentary was so fucking powerful.
I need to watch it.
Should watch it, man.
Yes.
Wait, I need to watch the other one.
You talked about the documentary.
Not to interrupt you.
I don't want to forget.
You talked about the documentary about the dude that saw the UFOs.
Yeah, it's on Netflix right now.
No, iTunes.
It's on iTunes.
UFOs, I got to get the exact name of it, but blew my mind.
Greatest documentary about UFOs that I've ever seen.
I believe in all that stuff.
And this, like, I already believed it, and now I super believe it, if that's even a term.
This dude took you there.
Yeah.
He really?
And he seemed like a reliable source, this man.
Yeah, because the documentary isn't, that's it.
Wait, no, is that it?
Nope.
Nope.
No, this guy's name, I think it had his name in it, maybe?
Yeah, it did.
It was on iTunes.
It's like the number one documentary right now.
The Aliens Arrive, UFO TV.
I'll check the rankings.
See, all these other things are kind of like the narrators like this.
They were tall and they had eyes that were like onyx stones.
And you're like, oh, this is...
Fucking hokey.
Just hokey.
No, this is like a real guy who did all the research, talked to the right people.
Dan Mullins or something?
What was his name?
I can't remember.
You were so fucking amped about it when I saw you at the comedy store.
I was like, I can't believe that his name Ray.
I can't remember it.
Sorry.
No, it's all right.
They'll find it.
Let's play one more question and then we'll wrap it up.
Hey, Theo.
Hey, Dane.
I have a question for both of you.
When was the moment that you two found out about each other and then also maybe the moment that you two met?
I want to hear your first stories and first impressions.
Thanks, Dingang.
Hey, real quick, before we answer that, you never got to respond to, I told, you know, SNL.
What about you in your comedy career at this point?
What's been a moment that will impact you for the rest of your life?
Where you felt you turned a corner?
Okay, let's just take this.
You know, I don't know, actually.
That's a good question.
I think for me, it had a lot to do with starting to get accepted by other comedians.
And it wasn't something that happened on stage.
It was probably more stuff that happened like offstage.
And what do you think ingratiated you with people?
What was it about you that you felt like you were connecting in terms of like, was it just conversations you were having with comics or were you spending time like bowling with them?
Like what was, I think it was just doing comedy, you know, and, uh, and earning their respect as a consistent performer.
Because I always didn't like it when guys, like, there's a lot of guys who seem like they were glad hand and like leeching on people and stuff.
And that was never my way.
I never, in fact, I wanted to, I would not communicate with comedians that were doing well because I didn't want to be that person.
And because I felt like I couldn't hide the fact that that's what I was trying to do if I was trying to do it.
So I just kind of naturally would meet people.
You know, actually start getting into some podcasting really helped.
Like getting on the fighter and the kid and being able to be a guest on their podcast for me made me feel like, oh, wow, I get to, you know, joke around with these in these fun groups.
And then one night Rogan texted me or sent me a DM and his podcast is, you know, probably the biggest one.
And he just said, hey, man, I'd love to have you on the podcast.
And I remember that night just feeling like, fuck, man, this is crazy.
Like, when do I write him back?
Do I write him back now?
I'm like, texting like my friends.
What do I say?
Like, do I say thanks and then say something?
Or do I not say something and then just say thanks?
What do I do, dude?
Got jerked off, bruh.
And I feel like I waited till the morning.
Of course, into a creek.
I know you, man.
I know your style now.
Time to feed the fish.
Well, that's a huge moment, you know, because you know what that is?
That's, that's.
But I felt accepted.
The community saying, you know, you're...
I love this, the art of stand-up comedy.
I'm a student of it.
It takes a long time for your peers to, because we're all a little suspicious.
Oh, yeah.
You know, who's the new guy or girl coming in, especially if they come from any other background?
Oh, wow.
You get a little weird about it.
Yeah.
Yeah, and that's nature.
Some of that's just nature.
If this person of a different background, you think that, oh, how could they be funny?
They're not from the same ilk.
Like one time David Arquette came in and was like, I'm a stand-up now.
And he was doing all these spots at the factory.
And we're all like watching, going like, yeah, we love Scream, man, but what the fuck are you doing?
that's a spot that somebody who really wants to do this, you know?
So what if, did you ever have, I heard about Theo for quite some time.
And I think I saw you one night performing at one of the clubs.
And I remember feeling like, oh, this guy really, I've heard a lot about him.
And I remember thinking to myself, oh, this guy, he gets it.
He really gets it.
Because I always see the gears turning with comic.
I can watch.
And I kind of like, we're a little bit soothsayer because we know, I see what he's trying to get to or what he's trying to.
And still, I had that preconceived notion until we finally actually chatted for a little bit at a couple of clubs and then really got to know each other at my house to where I could go, okay, this is a well-rounded guy who's trying to figure it all out and then put it all back into his comedy.
So that's, I think we started off a friendship.
I'm no Rogan.
You don't text me in the middle of the night.
He's never texting and saying, what do I say to Dane?
That's true.
But that's okay.
That's okay.
I think, yeah, for me, I would see you at the clubs.
And I always feel like too nervous to talk to some guys or I'd feel nervous around them, just insecurities about myself to even just be myself.
So, you know, I probably felt like that.
Sometimes you were friends with other guys that I knew pretty well.
And so, you know, we bumped into each other.
We would talk a little bit at the improv here and there.
Had a couple of conversations.
And then, but that was it.
But the first time I ever saw you was at Dublins, actually.
I mean, years ago was the first night I ever came out and watched comedy in L.A. Oh, wow.
That's a great memory.
Yeah, and it was cool.
That was the whole, that was where everything was starting to change, man.
That's where I was really like, oh, man, okay.
That was a world.
That was a place in its own.
Yeah, I bet, bro.
Yeah.
Yeah, people still talk about that.
Yeah.
Bubbling at Dublins, man.
Yeah, dude.
That was crazy.
Great, great memories.
Was there ever a chance since you're from Boston and Wahlberg is from Boston that there was a chance for you and Mark Wahlberg to do a movie?
No.
I've never, I mean, I've met him several times.
The closest I ever came to ever performing was he was in the New Kids on the Block back when I was starting stand-up in a comedy group, and we did shows together.
Wow.
So we would open for New Kids on the Block at like sober clubs.
Yeah.
We play sober clubs.
We were too young.
So we play, you know, these non-alcohol venues.
And so Joey McIntyre was like fucking 11 or whatever he was.
And probably fucking.
No bullshit, man.
Chicks were lining up for those guys.
I was lining up in a wig.
We just wanted to, we just wanted to, you know, whatever fell off the side of the stage for them, we were like, you know, hoping that maybe one girl would like us and want to touch our peen.
Were you ever offended that they didn't reach out to you?
Because you're both from the same place?
No.
I mean, the first film I ever did was in a movie with Ben Affleck and Matt Damon.
It was called School Ties.
I didn't have a significant role in it, but those guys were like, I knew in and around Boston they were emerging, you know?
I didn't know you were in that.
Me neither.
I'm in it literally for like that much too.
Dude, Kurt Fox is in the Patriot.
Did you know that?
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's in one of my favorite movies, Wyatt Earp.
Wow.
He's in Wyatt Earp a lot.
He's really great.
He's really great, man.
But no, I never felt...
So if they called, you go great.
And if not, then, you know, it's okay.
I'm still a fan.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Cool stuff, man.
Anything else, guys?
Are you shooting a special?
I'm going to Film a couple of things this year.
I think that I got two specials that I want to do.
And if I can do them back-to-back, then I'm going to do that.
But I don't want to give up where I'm going to do it yet.
Talking to directors now, and it's getting exciting.
And I'm planning on doing one and doing it myself with a director and maybe even doing it at the main room at the comedy store because I feel so comfortable there.
Of course.
Do you think it matters like venue size and that sort of thing?
I mean, for me, some of it seems to be about comfort.
Like the last one I did was in a place.
It was in a theater and it was okay, but it wasn't really that comfortable.
I'd never even been on the stage.
Right.
So it didn't feel, I was very nervous.
Yeah.
But I don't think it matters whatsoever.
I mean, honestly, I feel like comedy is, as long as it's, you know, got great sound, you know, even more than lights or anything, as long as it sounds great, you know, if you're in a place that you're comfortable, hometown, of course, that's a legendary room and an amazing room, just a room that embraces comedy.
So I think that's a smart move in your part playing it there.
But I don't think that, you know, it's not like saying, hey, because you played a 5,000-seater, that you should have more of a validation or less.
It's like, no, if you're funny, that should be wherever that you want to do that is going to work out.
Funny wins.
Funny wins.
Tell it like it is.
Tell it like it is.
Tell it like it is, Tour.
Yeah, we're out there, man.
Dude, I'm going to Medford actually in two weeks.
Are you serious?
Yeah.
Oh, shit.
I'm so excited.
I'm nervous or Boston.
I'm just.
Yeah.
I'm excited and Medford right next to my town that I grew up in.
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Born and raised in Arlington, Massachusetts.
And used to hang out at the Medford Mall.
Really?
Yeah, look for chicks.
They were coming out of fucking parade of shoes.
And I would sit there on a bench eating Brigham's ice cream, going like, girls, they wouldn't look at me for another 10 years.
But you were ready, though.
I was ready, man.
Dude, we used to camp out at the mall.
We used to drop to Slide L, Louisiana.
We'd go stay at the mall, get a tent, camp out outside, and go to the mall again the next day.
Oh, man.
Do you have a store that was like your spot that you always had to go like, I got to go to the Sharp Rimage or something?
Yeah, yeah.
We went to the place that have like panties, but also have like lava lamps.
What is that?
Oh, Mr. Skips.
Yeah.
We'd steal a bunch of stuff and then get arrested even.
Sometimes they'd arrest you and then let you go.
And then you go down to like Electronics Boutique and look at what the new fucking Nintendo 64 games were.
Just imagine.
Oh, man.
If anybody cared about you, you'd have one.
It was fucking good times.
Dane Cook, best of luck on your new tour, man.
Thanks for having me, man.
This is really, I was excited for this.
Would you ever do a podcast of your own, you think?
Have you considered it?
Or does that seem like something that everybody else is doing, so you're going the other direction?
I love this.
I love being a guest and coming in and having come up and created my own early version of a podcast.
It wasn't even called a podcast.
I had something called The Voice of Doom, and The Voice of Doom was a little jukebox that I would upload MP3, and I would do like a rant every couple of days.
I just put on like some stuff that I knew wouldn't be funny as much on stage, but like I could kind of riff on.
And I felt like for me, I'm enjoying watching so many people embrace the entrepreneurial side of getting their voice out there way more than even if I was doing it at this point.
Because I'm like, I did that when it was not cool, when it was not in vogue, I took a lot of shit.
And now it's the template.
Now it's a must.
It's a calling card.
So I'm just grateful that, you know, I could come in here and hang out.
Hopefully you'll have me back.
Yeah, we'd love to, man.
Thanks for coming in.
Cool, man.
Now I'm just floating on the breeze.
And I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
I must be cornerstone.
Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this piece of mind I found.
I can feel it in my bones.
But it's gonna take a little time for me to set that parking break and let myself unwind shine that light on me.
I'll sit and tell you my stories.
Shine on me.
And I will find a song I will sing it just for you.
And now I've been moving way too fast on the runaway train with a heavy load of my hands.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
The answer may shock you.
Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
Sometimes I won't.
And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
You have three new voice messages.
A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else.
So great.
Hi, Sui.
Is it there?
Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.
John Main.
I'll take a quarter potter with cheese at a McFlurry.
Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.
Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
Second rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on YouTube, yeah?
