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Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Michael Rosenbaum.
Shine that light on me I'll sit and tell you my stories Shine that light on me Your hair looks great.
Thanks, man.
I just got up, bro.
Really fucking had just haven't been sleeping that good.
I was going back from China.
So, we rolling, bud?
All right, cool.
Dude, thanks for coming in today.
Yeah, it's exciting.
Yeah.
It seems like it was a little, I wouldn't say messy.
Yeah.
But it seems like I walked in, the first thing you said was, you look like shit.
Yeah.
Which was, was that true?
Was that a true statement?
I mean, first of all, move the mic down a little bit.
You're hiding behind the mic.
Okay.
Which is a novice, novice podcaster.
Yeah, my bad.
Okay.
Second, did I think you look like shit?
How do you think you look?
Well, I thought this was just a podcast.
I thought, you know, we weren't going to video it.
So I brought my cut-off sweatpants and LeBron shirt that hasn't been washed.
Wow.
You're immediately on the LeBron wagon?
Well, no.
See, I'm one of those guys who just, I don't really know anything about basketball.
I could name five players, but I like LeBron, you know, and people give him shit.
And we don't talk sports, but the fact that he was in Cleveland, moved just to get a championship, came back to Cleveland, won a championship, then came out to L.A. Yeah.
At the end of your career, you've done everything.
Why not play for the Lakers?
Yeah.
And I live here, so it'd be fun to see him.
So yeah, I'm on the wagon.
Fuck it.
Did now who is also on the wagon is who?
Michael Rappaport?
Is he on their wagon or he hates LeBron?
He hates LeBron.
Does he hate LeBron?
Ha, so now LeBron's out here.
Well, I'm a Knicks fan, and we have nothing to root for.
Well, you guys put all that money on Carmelo.
Yeah, he's just terrible.
He's not a champion.
Well, he's just not a team player.
Right.
That's what I felt.
And so, yeah, it was a little disconcerting to watch those years.
And you're a hockey guy, right?
Big hockey fan, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, I love hockey.
I think it's the best sport.
When you saw that, like, because recently the Las Vegas Knights, right?
Yeah, that's right.
You're not a hockey fan, are you?
I'm not a hockey fan.
Well, I grew up in Louisiana.
We didn't even have, I remember one time we got some ice.
One time you got ice?
Everybody used it, yeah.
People used it to keep meat cold and everything like that, and that was it.
If you'd have been caught skating on that, dude, somebody would have beat your ass.
Beat your ass, yeah.
Well, it would have just been treason.
You know, it would have been high treason, actually.
You know, skating on a, just, you know, such a usable good.
Well, I grew up in Indiana, southern Indiana.
We had like, there was, there was like a rink or two, so that's where I started playing hockey.
So I guess when you get down to that Midwest, you can still maybe get an occasional rink.
Yeah, Indiana, once you get down to Louisiana, I think, yeah, you're right.
I don't really know a lot of people that play in Louisiana.
There's not a lot of NHL players from Louisiana.
Right.
But yeah, we were close, relatively close to Michigan, a couple hours.
Chicago, Ohio, cold states.
Chicago's not a state, but it's a city.
Did you feel, but it could be a state.
It could be.
You know what I'm saying?
It depends.
Also, if you have a mentally handicapped friend who doesn't know that much, and he might think it's a state, or he might think it's a theme park.
Some people think it's a theme park.
Chicago's a theme park?
Yeah.
Yeah, I don't know that.
You think Chicago's a theme park?
The whole Midwest is a theme park for me.
I'm from La Crosse, Wisconsin.
Oh, really?
Yeah, I love Cheyetown.
That's a cold place, man.
Very cold.
That's why I'm here.
Yeah, those people, yeah, they get cold over there.
There's a lot of premature baby country, too.
You know that?
Premature baby country?
Yeah, isn't it?
I think that just afflicted me.
What is premature baby?
Theo is convinced I'm a premature baby.
I didn't say that.
I don't know my biological parents that well, so it's quite possible.
So you think you just came out too soon?
Yeah, at least smoking during pregnancy.
He seemed like he just got here early sometimes.
I feel like I, yeah, that makes me.
Do you ever feel that about yourself?
Yeah, right now.
Really?
I didn't sleep well last night.
My dog was moving around.
Yeah, I just kind of feel out of it.
I'm kind of in the bed with the dog?
I do sleep in the bed with a dog.
And for some reason, every night I think, you know what, this night I'm going to have him sleep outside of the door and he's going to sleep outside of the room and I'm going to get some good sleep.
But there's something about it now that I need his warmth.
Now, do you start to worry that that will replace, because you're not married, right?
No.
Now, do you worry, though, that that like, you know, that say whatever like vibe you were going to, like, say your instincts were like thinking, oh, it'd be nice to have a woman here, that you fill those with the dog.
And then you end up not – it's just less of a push to get married.
I mean if you even want to or to have a – The dog's 10, which is 70, really.
And I've been dating this girl for like six months.
And she likes the dog.
Oh, she does.
But she needs, sort of needs the dog on the bed, too.
Maybe it's her safety net, too.
It's like, oh, he's here, but I kind of need the dog to balance things out.
It also separates us a little so you don't have to cuddle or do some shit like that.
You know, the dog's like, hey, buddy, come right in there in the middle.
Yeah.
And the dog just gets there and you're like, all right, fuck off for a while.
Yeah, but I like dating a woman who doesn't always have to be, always be so attached.
Oh, yeah.
I think touching somebody while you sleep sometimes can be really bizarre.
I think it's rude.
If you're sleeping, don't, you know, there's no reason to touch somebody.
You know, a lot of countries don't do it.
It's really an American thing.
Is it?
Yeah.
You don't see people in France doing that?
Oh, the French are, who gives a fuck what they do?
I feel like.
But it's like if you go to some other real countries, I think you don't.
The only reason, yeah, yeah.
Well, look, the only reason France isn't gone is because people are, you know, kind of trying to be patient with them.
But I think that if you go to some real countries, yeah, dude, you go to Russia, you go to like Nigeria, Senegal.
These people are not sleeping next.
They're not hugging at night.
It's almost insane to hug someone and also be asleep at the same time when you think about that.
Yeah, that's really weird.
Some people need to hold on to people to fall asleep.
Are you a cuddler?
Do you have a girlfriend?
No.
Yeah, I've got a girl that I've been, yeah, I got a girl that I've been seeing, but we do not sleep on the same bed?
No.
You sleep on the same bed.
Well, we sleep on the same bed, but we sleep in separate realms of it.
Yeah.
Like I roll over, I'm facing the wall, and she faces the wall on the other side.
I think that's really important.
It's like, give me my space.
I punched her in the face the other night inadvertently.
I just rolled over for a stretch in the middle of the night and bam.
And I just.
Are you a hard stretcher?
I'm a harder puncher.
You know what?
Well, it just was one of those things where I felt so bad.
I'd never punched a girl.
And was it out of a cold sleep and then you hit like?
Oh, yeah.
I was like, oh, my God.
She's like, what happened?
I'm like, I punched you in the face.
The dog's angry.
Yeah, fucking the, yeah, the dog wasn't there at that time.
See, that shows you I need the dog there.
Yeah.
I was actually sharing a bed with a friend of mine.
We were just sharing a hotel room, a buddy, and then we each met some girls one time.
And we're all sharing beds in New York.
And out of a, I was in a dead sleep just in a, and I like punched, like actually punched this girl that was with me.
You almost said chick, didn't you?
I mean, she was of age.
Everyone was of age.
And we, uh, and I and I like punched her.
I woke up and I had punched, like, I, it just.
No reason.
No.
Were you drunk?
No, it was a scary, just skimmed scary dream or something that happened.
And she was rushing, dude, and she had a straight cranium on her, bro.
She had a fucking, you know, from like the temples up, she was like Buster Douglas, you know.
So it didn't even phase her?
She had a real top piece.
It definitely woke her up, you know?
Did you feel bad?
She was like, I think I have to go pee.
That was it.
Strong woman right there.
Strong woman could take a little picture.
Wow, holy shit.
And honestly, made me, and I don't mean like, it made me like almost respect, like, wow, like that.
This is a real tough lady.
Yeah, you need a tough woman in your life.
Dude, I had a woman one time in Brazil put her hand in my pocket to steal my money.
Right.
And this is a dark woman.
I guess she was, she was in America, they would say a black woman.
In Brazil, I'm not sure if it was, you know, sometimes people say like in, you know, it's different kind of colors, different connotation, different vibe or whatever.
But she looked like a kind of a black woman in America.
And she put her hand in my pocket on all my money was pulling it out.
And so I take my other hand and like pin her hand against my side.
And then she's still trying to do it.
And so now I pull my hand out of my own pocket.
I have her hand pinned against my side and we're punching each other with our loose hands.
Me and this woman.
You're trading blows with this woman from Brazil?
And she was a fucking man.
In the face?
Yeah, in the neck.
I mean, bro, yeah.
She was going to steal.
she would have stolen anything.
She would have stolen my...
Or didn't put in her hand because I didn't want to steal.
Yeah, why would you want to do that?
Yeah, I wouldn't.
And she was stealing everything.
And man, I felt like I was getting stolen from.
And you just change, like exchange blows with your opposite hand, your loose hand?
Yeah, and it's harder than you think.
Like if you have like one of your hands kind of pinned against.
Crossed, that one's crossed, and you're trying to do one of these.
These little.
Yeah, that's a weird way to fight someone.
Yeah.
That should be on TV, those matches.
Yeah, one arm.
Atlantis Morrissette fight, one hand in my pocket, and just another in your neck.
Yeah, dude, that would be great.
We should start that.
Do the Atlantis Morissettes fights?
Yeah, what do you think, man?
Dude.
I'm into it.
I'm into it.
I love that, man.
That's a great idea.
What would be another cool sport to start?
Ever think about something like that?
Yeah, another sport.
Shit, man, there's so many.
What sport do you think is going to go?
Something naked.
I'd love, like, to see people.
Naked and afraid is such a big thing now.
People love that show.
Imagine you're doing a sport like naked.
You don't like that idea?
Uh-uh.
Sorry, I just kept hearing something.
Do I like naked?
I like naked and afraid, but did you hear that?
I think that's fighter and the guy.
Oh, it could be.
Do you but if I had to pick a sport, here's my question.
what sport do you think is going to disappear first?
That's what I wonder.
Because I don't know if all of these sports are going to stay afloat forever.
Baseball has definitely gotten boring.
It's gotten boring, but I think it's going to just, it's just so Midwest, so universal.
Well, I wouldn't say universal, but just for, that's America.
You know, it's like people think, you know, football with all the injuries and the head injuries, and they lost a lot of, I mean, I don't know if that will ever go away, but now it's getting more and more dangerous.
So I mean, they're going to take fighting out of hockey.
I don't, shit, I don't know.
Everybody says, you know what's funny is everybody who loves soccer says soccer is going to be the biggest sport in the world.
It is the biggest sport in the world because of the World Cup.
Right.
But so every four years you have to hear how it's the best sport in the world.
I don't agree with that.
And then you don't hear about it anymore.
For four more years.
In America.
I mean, I think in the rest of the world, yeah, it's great.
I mean, I think the World Cup's amazing.
I watched as many games as I could on soccer.
The second I turn on American soccer, it's not appealing at all to me.
Yeah, and I just like a sport where there's more goals scored.
I mean, I just don't want to watch, yeah, there's 90 minutes and nothing's happened.
Oh, that guy fell down again.
Yeah.
It's competitive and fun in the World Cup, but yeah, American soccer.
I don't know.
We're going to get Ream for that.
I would like to watch a guy who's like texting around on his wife, but also living with her, like in the same house, you know, but sneakily texting other women.
I think if they could text.
That's a sport?
It's definitely one of the most popular sports in America.
I wish that they had a way to make it like a way that we could keep score at home and like watch it, you know?
I feel like I wonder if more natural things that we do as humans, if we just videotape those, you know what I'm saying?
Since there's going to be more like we're getting into the time where everything is videotaped.
Like Truman show kind of shit, where it's just all the time.
Right.
And then somehow within those idiosyncrasies or behaviors of humans become like a sport.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
I think that could be kind of cool because I think a lot of guys probably do that.
A lot of women do that.
Yeah.
You know, they're like acting like their lives all great, bouncing around the house and secretly texting some.
Right?
Yeah.
You've never done that.
You seem like a good guy.
You wouldn't do that.
Oh, no, man.
I've struggled a lot, man.
I've struggled a lot with that kind of stuff, dude.
That stuff's hard.
Cheating?
Yeah.
You've struggled with cheating.
Yeah.
I've never been good at it.
What about you?
Never been good at cheating or never been a cheater?
I've been a cheater and I've never been good at cheating.
I've been good at it, but it never ends.
Well, in the end, I've never been good at it because it makes me feel like a bad person, but I'm unable to not do it.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, it's a tough one.
I've never, believe it or not, I've never cheated.
Wow.
And I haven't been, I've been in some relationship.
Yeah, it's tough for me.
I just can't live with myself.
Like you said, I'm just not good at, I just feel so horrible.
Like, why would I do this?
Yeah.
You know, there's even like, you know, some girl gave me her number like years ago and I was dating this person.
She goes, hey, call me.
And she was so pretty.
And I was like, oh, yeah.
And then afterwards, I took her number and I deleted it.
I was like, oh, my God, what did I do?
Because I felt like this is, you know, this is, I shouldn't be doing this.
Is the girl doing this to me?
I don't know.
I'm weird like that.
Yeah.
But there's a lot of people that go.
It's not weird like that.
I mean, that's a right way to do it.
Yeah.
And it's also like a balancing.
Even like when you're dating, man, have you ever noticed this when you're dating?
It's like you always have, you know, especially when you're in your 20s or 30s.
How old are you now?
I'm in my 30s.
I'm 38. Yeah, I'm 46. Are you really?
Yeah, I can't be doing this shit.
So when you said you look like shit, I probably look better now.
You look better now.
Because I don't look maybe 40. I look like early 40s, maybe.
You look better now than when you came in the room.
Really?
I've woken up a little bit?
Yeah.
Oh, good.
That's a treat.
By the end of this, you could look fucking really good.
I could look 40. Brad Pitt he throws at me.
You kind of look like Brad Pitt on your picture the past weekend with Theo Vaughn.
That's a really handsome picture.
You are a handsome guy.
I'm an eight, bro.
I've got a big nose and my eyes are kind of a little too polish.
My friend Dak said I was an eight.
He says you're a six in looks and a 10 in personality, so you're a solid eight.
So I was like, hey, that's cool.
Eight's the one to get.
It's universal.
You know, it's kind of, it's filled out.
Like, you know, I think eights kind of know some of their strengths and know their weaknesses.
Ten seem, imagine being a 10. Nah, I can't do it because you're only going one way.
Yeah.
Down.
If you're a 10, you're only going down.
That's why I feel like all these hot guys like Bradley Cooper and, you know, yeah, they're gorgeous.
He looks like a llama a little bit, though.
He looks like kind of a strong llama.
A strong llama, a good-looking llama.
You know what I'm saying?
He's long and, you know, it's a little too long, you know.
So, you know, the thing is, is if he's a 10 now, you only got one way to go.
For us, guys like us, well, you're better looking than me.
I'm like it, but I feel like, hey, when I get older, I'm not, maybe I'll look a little better.
Or I won't, you won't, here's the difference.
You won't notice when I start to look worse as you will somebody who's really good looking.
Right.
When they get a little worse, everybody notices.
Oh, what happened to Bradley Cooper?
Yeah.
Oh, God, he really fell off.
And all he did was, you know, he has a little bit of jam on his cheek from breakfast.
Some jam.
That's all it was.
It was a little jam.
And he's just going downhill.
We have jam on our cheek.
It's cute.
People are like, oh, God, look at that guy.
That cute smucker bunny.
You know?
It's true.
That's my theory on all of it.
Well, dude, you know, I love that.
That is the best thing about being an eight.
It's like you have room to grow.
You have room to flow kind of a little bit.
You know what I'm saying?
You have the potential.
You could show up and be an eight and a half at a wedding.
You know what I'm saying?
You throw on a suit, Theo, Vaughan.
Yeah.
And you are kicking close to an eight and a half, nine.
How about you clean up real well?
No, no, no, no, no.
I don't think that, but I think that you can look like, I love this.
I love the idea that everybody should think that they're an eight.
Because here's what I also think is that, you know, like your buddy Dax told you that you have, that you're a 10 in personality and a 6 in looks, right?
And if his calculations could be off, dude, or they could be, you know, pretty correct.
But the thing is, is that it's great to have, I feel like we all even out.
It's all fucking evens out, dude.
So it's like, like somebody that's rich could be a fucking piece of shit, right?
Somebody that has one arm could have a huge dick, right?
Somebody that has, somebody that can't read could be Rainman, you know?
So everybody has their strengths is what you're saying.
Like everybody has their strengths.
But it's all in the end, if you're able to get a complete look at somebody, it all evens out.
So I think everybody is an eight, really.
Well, that's nice of you to say that.
I think everybody.
Do you think Nick's an eight?
Is it Nick?
He could do it, dude, but he was born early.
Yeah, you're a premature baby.
I may be a six, but if I was full-term, I'd be an eight.
Yeah, here's the thing: he'll live probably 80 years.
He'll never hit nine months.
You know what I'm saying?
He'll live 80 years, but he'll never be a full month.
Oh, he'll be that eighth month.
A right now.
He'll be that eight months journeyman.
Yeah, dude.
He's like Sam Perkins or whatever of like genetics.
Was your mom a stoner or anything like that?
Oh, come on.
She was all those things.
Well, my mom was.
My mom was on Valium and a lot of drugs and things like that.
A lot of drugs and also schizophrenia.
Oh, wow.
She had schizophrenia?
Yeah.
Yeah, you should see this documentary called Three Identical Strangers that's out right now.
It's pretty fucked up.
I'm looking for Nick Davis.
Looking for Nick Davis.
Premature.
Dude, where is the premature baby documentary and how that all plays out?
I wonder how that affects children.
Could I follow you around for the rest of the day?
Absolutely.
Just for the day.
I just want to see what your life's like.
All right.
I'm going to be here for the next 12 hours.
Do you think that you have like any of that stuff?
Like your mom schizophrenia.
Is she really schizophrenic?
She really is.
And I've totally like, they always say like 30s kind of like this point where it's safe.
And I've always kind of taken self-inventory, been like, am I fucking crazy right now?
But I think I'm cool.
I think I'm all right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And so, and now once you get through the 30s and you're safe of having like the onset of it or no?
That's like all the literature says.
I mean, I'm sure there's anomalies that happen later 30s, but everybody says late 20s, you're kind of safe.
What are signs?
I just want to know what signs are.
So if we see any in the next 30, 45 minutes in here, we could let you know.
Hearing voices.
Well, we heard that too right now.
We're not even in a podcast too.
Theo might be.
You're right.
I might not even be producing this podcast.
It's also delusions of grandeur.
I'm sitting in a room with Michael Rosenbaum and Theo Vaughn right now.
I don't think so.
Is that anything like borderline personality schizophrenia?
You know what that is?
I'm not a psychologist.
Borderline personality disorder?
Uh-uh.
Uh-uh.
It'd be great to have a guest on that has this.
We could talk about that, though.
You don't have any issues?
What do I have?
I think I'm probably a little bit on the autism thing somewhere, you know?
Outside of that, what else?
ADD?
Yeah, I think I have attention deficit disorder.
Trying to think of what else outside of that.
Depression?
Yeah, probably depression.
What else?
You said nothing, and we've already named three.
But those, to me, are blood-like.
Well, they're just ease.
Those are like people have real fucking issues.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And also, America has like so.
It's almost like we get into this creature comfort.
Like, it's almost like having a disease has become like a creature comfort in a weird way.
I think you're right, man.
It's like almost like, you know, and I feel like that, like, it's, it's nice in a way that everybody can express like, hey, I have depression or I have this.
And that's, that's a good thing.
But I feel like, yeah, now we're seeing everybody's got something wrong.
Yeah, everybody's got it.
But isn't that warming?
Isn't that like kind of like a nice thing to, not that I want wish people bad things, but to know that everybody's got their shit.
So it makes you feel like, hey, I'm not worse than anybody.
Everybody's struggling.
Everybody's got their shit.
Right.
So that's good.
It's good to know that, hey, you have a little depression.
I have a little depression.
You have a little anxiety?
Yeah.
Do you get anxiety?
Oh, yeah.
You have anxiety attacks?
No, I used to get them more when I was younger.
I don't get them that much anymore.
Yeah.
You know?
But it's nice to know.
He has schizophrenia.
You know, you've got a little shit going on.
I got shit.
We're human.
Yeah, no, I think it's, look, I try to live in that space.
You know, I feel like I feel like the one place I feel like Hollywood's done a bad job of acting like people are human.
You know, it's like they create this idea that people aren't, and then they just use those elements to like kind of sell stuff or to, you know, I don't know.
I feel like there's a lot of Hollywood celebrities who are kind of stuck in a way.
Like they missed, like they got a, they're in this old world where they can't just be themselves.
Yeah.
And then there's like another generation that's just like, oh, I'm just being whatever I want to be that kind of is like, kind of like Instagrammers and YouTubers.
There's people that are just kind of making their own way that don't really need Hollywood as much.
Anyway, that's one thing I just kind of noticed in the industry.
Yeah, but I think it's important.
It's funny because, you know, you're coming on my podcast.
Yeah.
And that's, I didn't even know what I was going to do with the podcast, but that's what it turned into.
It became therapy for me, and then it became therapy for the guests.
And then people were listening, going, hey, these people are talking about real shit, just like about anxiety and all this stuff.
And I think that's what's like, kind of, it's important to see like everybody's got their shit.
We all have our shit.
Oh, yeah.
Well, we're just broken.
I mean, we're all broken.
Yeah.
We're not well, you know?
But I also think that I do believe, or I'm starting to believe, and I could be totally wrong, is that it's like there's this thing where you get so comfortable as a country.
Like I was just in China the other day, this past week, and those people don't seem like they're thinking about that kind of shit.
Everybody's doing stuff.
Everybody's cruising and moving forward.
It just seems like...
You're fucking not ripping.
In China, they're ripping off the rearview mirror and moving forward.
Yeah.
And it seems like we're kind of like in this place where it's like you can dawdle, like you can be taken care of by the gut.
Like it's like, there's just so many like, there's television.
There's like fibromyalgia, which is, remember, there's a television disease that started.
Is it not real?
You don't think that's real?
Fibromyalgia?
What?
You don't think that's real?
What is it from?
Snake bites?
What the fuck is it from, dude?
I don't know.
Chronic fatigue.
Yeah, sure.
You're always tired.
I got fibromygalgia.
Dude, look, if you've seen 600 episodes of fucking Price is Right, yeah, you're always tired.
I've probably seen quite a few.
You know, I'd like to buy a Z. That's all you're doing.
Fucking get up and go.
Price is right.
That's Wheel of Fortune.
Yeah, but you know what I'm talking about.
I do know what you're talking about.
And I heard exactly what you're talking about.
That's so fucking true, man.
I think that you just nailed it, man.
And I hate to say it because people are out there listening who have that.
I thought you were going to say there's people out there who are going, hey, people know the difference between price is right and the wheel of fortune.
What the fuck are you talking about?
But yeah, I like that idea, that moving forward, because I think, you know, my therapist once said he stood up in front of me with his genitals in front of my face.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Not the naked genitals.
Was it studs off of Melbros?
It might have been.
It might have been.
It was the rage over in Santa Monica.
And he stood over me and he goes, Michael, you've got one foot in the past.
You've got one foot in the future.
And he grabbed his genitals and goes, and you're pissing on the present.
Wow.
And I thought that was incredibly profound.
Sans the genitals in the face.
But I really felt like, you know, he's right.
It's so simple.
That's so simple.
Everybody's always worried about, oh my God, Marcia, she told people I was the bitch.
Or, oh, my God, your brother is an asshole.
He's like, 20 years ago, this happened.
Everybody's always thinking about all this shit.
Or, oh, my God, I just need money.
I just need this.
I need this to be happy.
And we all do it.
We need all these things that we don't have.
We're worried about the future.
What's the past?
The past is fucking me.
And if you just try, and there's a lot of shit right now going on with meditation.
And by the way, it's great.
It's great.
Like, I never did.
I always looked down on it.
I was like, meditation.
Yeah.
I don't need to meditate.
I wake up and I'm like, 15 minutes, you just take my thoughts away, all the other shit, and just sort of be here.
Yeah.
And it's weird.
And that shit, it does help to try.
It's hard to be present.
It's really hard to be present.
Yeah, I think it's, you know, it's funny.
I was saying about this last night.
Like, it's hard to be present.
Like, especially now, I think our phones are something that take us out of, you're still present.
I'm just going to say it.
But you're into like a different packet.
You know, it's kind of like you're repurpos.
It's like you're being repurposed or repackaged or you're, yeah, your attention is being taken out of your presence.
So it's like you're still present, but your attention is limited.
Yes.
Well, how about this?
How about how many times do you think we're talking right now?
If we weren't on this, there'd be sort of a, I don't know, a propensity to just kind of grab your phone.
Like, you know, you're with your girlfriend or you're with your friend.
You're like, yeah, man.
So how's work going?
It's all pretty good.
Oh, cool, man.
Yeah.
I'm glad you finally got a job.
That's so cool, Rob.
Yeah.
But then you're on your phone.
It's almost like you're compelled to just, you're always thinking about, I got to get a check.
What do we have to check?
We got an email five seconds later.
Yeah, somebody said I might miss something one.
They're like, what if I miss?
You know, what if something happens?
The reality is this.
What happened in the 80s and 90s?
Dude, I miss that.
I really do.
I'm not knocking technology, but don't you just, I remember when my friend Danny Cutter recall.
I still remember his number, 812-853-6464.
And you guys can call that, actually.
You can call it.
You can call it.
And ask for the late.
Shit, I shouldn't have given you that number.
He doesn't live there anymore.
He doesn't?
Four families later.
But you can still call and ask for a few minutes.
Still ask for Daniel Cutter.
And say, is he there?
And they're going to like, he doesn't live here anymore.
Like, well, look, he used to.
Yeah, and say, if you see him, tell him to meet me at Newberg Cinema at 8 p.m.
We're going to see Last of the Mohicans.
Yeah, we're going to see Pink Cadillac.
Yeah, dude.
And that's what we did.
And you just hoped he'd be there.
Yeah.
You thought, hey, Danny's going to meet me there at 8, and it's going to be all right.
And you have to check your text every 10 minutes to see if he's going to cancel.
You just showed up at Newberg Civitan.
Right.
And then your attention was you were excited about seeing him.
So it's like your attention was like, you're like, oh, yeah.
Where's my buddy?
You're thinking about the movie.
You know, your attention and your focus are in those things.
Whereas like, yeah, it's just like our focus gets taken away for a little bit.
That's the thing.
So it's like, you know, it's, I don't know yet.
Like waters down.
It waters everything down in a weird way.
It's like, yeah, I know I'm going to see my sister, but I've already talked to her five times this week or I've already texted with her 20 times this week.
It's like, it's just not the same, you know?
Yeah, maybe there's something, there's something we can do.
Like I do a thing where we're having breakfast or something with my friends and we're sitting there and I go, hey, everybody's cell phone in the middle.
Everybody put their cell phones in the middle.
If you want your cell phone, you're paying for breakfast.
If you grab your phone, you're paying for breakfast.
Let's all have an hour where we just sit here and talk to each other.
And I think that's, you know, that's...
I'd eat breakfast with you probably in silence sometime.
You do it?
Oh, you still?
You would.
You're like, wait, does that mean I have to talk to you?
Fuck.
I thought I was going to be a fucking idiot.
Yeah, you don't have to, but as long as you're present, as long as you're just looking, eating your food and you're there and you're not distracted by anything other than the food.
But that's okay.
I'll deal with that.
If Theo just wants to have his food.
I was thinking the other day.
I was thinking yesterday, man.
So, you know, we all have family members that have passed away or whatever.
My dad passed away and I was kind of young, maybe 16, not super young.
But I was thinking yesterday, I was like, man, it'd be nice to see my dad, right, to spend time with him.
But then I started thinking, but how long would I hang out with my dad before I'd be like, man, dad, I'm going to go do something?
I'm playing with birds.
Yeah.
I'm going to go fucking like how long before you hanging out with somebody you haven't seen your whole life you would give anything to see to spend time with and then you saw them and then how long till you fucking peek at your phone you know what I'm saying how long hey this is so great you're so glad you're alive I just want to check the dow real quick oh my god we're down 40.
I'm going to call my business manager real quick yeah yeah you know what it's crazy but it's crazy to think that's a crazy thought because you think oh my god I'd spend every waking hour for the next 20 years right but no you wouldn't and the reality is too is I don't see my family that much I see my mom she lives in Indiana I see her once a year for a couple days I see my dad maybe once or twice a year he lives in New York I don't see my family very often and you know the great thing about technology well the opposite of what we were just talking about is I can FaceTime and
see my grandfather see my grandmother see you know see everybody so that is pretty so now so now that's significant it is that is significant but if I'd maybe if I didn't have it I'd say I have to go visit them I have to see them maybe I'd go see them more but maybe this is a cop out it's like oh but I'm seeing them right almost seeing them on this phone here so maybe I don't know man right like so I wonder if we're gonna start to evolve into like you're saying it right now I have to see them right I wonder if that turn there's gonna be some new turn of phrase or something that's gonna be actually that I
have to actually spend time you know like it you know because it used to be I can't wait to see my grandparents but now you visually you get that, like, that's been appeased, you know?
Yeah, so it's like, then what is it going like virtual reality touching my grandparents, right?
Or is it gonna be do you feel that, grandma?
Yeah, yeah, I feel that.
She's like, oh, what's that?
That's warm.
Yeah.
And she comes and you're like, oh, wow, man.
I hope my grandma does it.
Do grandma still come?
Bro, this is, we're going to take this part out.
We have a lot of stuff.
You started.
I just was wondering if grandma's come.
I don't know.
Yeah, but you kept it going.
I can understand a guy says something every now and then, you know?
I just said, I just wanted as a question.
I just like to be educated.
There's no stupid questions.
Look, I understand somebody throws a grenade into a fucking, into a, into a, into a busy family dinner, you know?
But you throw it back.
What's wrong with that?
No, but the guy who picks it up and like shows it to everybody in the dinner?
Is that what I did?
Yeah, so everybody's looking at it when it blows up.
That's fucked up.
So I showed that come grenade to everybody at dinner is what I did.
I don't know, man.
All right, I'll stop there.
I don't want to think about my grandma Blanche coming either.
Dude, you're starting to look definitely better than when you walked in.
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah, I was asleep.
You know, I really, I was really, I'm bummed.
If I look like shit in the beginning, I apologize, and I appreciate your honesty, Theo.
But I didn't know cameras.
You know, I think Gianni, we play hockey together.
Yeah, you told me that.
And I just, and I, I forgot.
I don't read things that well.
I have ADD, and I didn't know there were cameras, but I'm okay.
I think your audience is probably cool like this.
I'm just shorts and a shirt.
I'm not going to wear a suit or anything.
I'm out of fancy pants.
Well, some people, I think, were also thinking he would come in as a little bit more of like your superhero attire.
And also, but Lex Luther's not a superhero.
He's a super villain.
He's a super villain.
Although, yeah, some people call him the anti-hero.
I don't know.
Do you think he had the ability to, and for some of our listeners that don't know, Michael played Lex Luther on Smallville, right?
Seven years, man.
Seven years.
It's a long haul.
Yeah, it was a long haul.
And do you start to feel as like so as an actor and as a character, like having a character, is there a certain point like after a certain number of seasons or episodes or maybe it's immediate that the character actually starts to feel more like yours and you're able to do some things?
Yeah, you know what's weird is it was like I was always like funny guy and doing, you know, I was doing some comedies at the time with your buddy Harlan Williams.
I love Harlan Williams.
Who just buddies?
I was taking a hike with Tom Green and Harlan a couple of weeks ago.
Wow.
And they just randomly go, Theo Vaughn, man, is fucking funny.
Have you seen his?
And Tom's like, yeah, man.
And they start talking about it.
Yeah, he's a good guy.
I had dinner with him at Bobby Lee's birthday party in the middle of nowhere.
Yeah, Harlan's so nice.
I don't know Tom as well, but.
Tom's Canadian, though, and Canadians are so nice.
Yeah, all of them.
I think all of them are nice.
Bro, how did they do it?
And living right next to us.
Yeah.
That's weird.
In the cold, man.
What was I saying?
Bro, I wake up in my ACs two degrees too long.
I'm fucking furious.
What are you keeping on to sleep?
I'm at 69. Are you?
And I didn't say that to be funny.
Well, you're also Lex Luther.
Oh, yeah.
Lex Luther, yeah.
Oh, so anyway, yeah, the Lex Luther thing, you know, I was always doing funny stuff.
So when I got this role, I was like, they're going to fire me.
There's no way I'm going to play this serious role.
My friends were like, they cast you as this?
And I shaved my head, and then I started wearing these suits, and I don't, you know, and it was just.
Did you think it could really be you in the beginning?
Like, were you on, like, because sometimes you get cast as something, you're like, oh, this is, I can do this.
And then sometimes you're like, maybe they see this.
Maybe they see something that I don't fully see yet.
Like, was there any of that?
Or what was it?
I was nervous.
I had a lot of confidence.
I gave the best audition of my life.
They asked me, they go, hey, be serious here, be dangerous here, be funny here.
Because there's 700 other guys auditioned for it.
And I go, what did 700 other guys do that didn't do that you want me to do?
And they said, well, just be dangerous.
So I remember we had three pages of dialogue.
I've told this story, but I circled, be charismatic here, be dangerous here, be funny here.
And on three pages, I chose to do that.
I made distinct decisions.
I differentiated whatever.
And I just did it.
And I had a lot of confidence because I really, at first, didn't want it.
And I was like, what is this?
I'm not going to get it.
I just, for one of the, I could be insecure as fuck.
I could be, I could not have the confidence.
And I did that day.
And so when they cast me, I was like, they're going to fire me.
This isn't me.
I can't play this villain.
And they shaved my head and I looked in the mirror and I go, oh, you look different.
You look a little weirder.
Not that bald people are real, but I weird.
I looked a little different.
I had this matrix bump on the back of my head, which I still had, occipital bone.
And I just looked different.
And that helped me transform.
Then they put Armani suits on me.
Look at me.
I wear t-shirts and sweats.
And that was a problem, too, when I went out with women.
I think they thought they were dating Lex Luther and they were dating Lex Luther.
I didn't have a suit.
I have a conversion van in the front.
I just wasn't, you know, I wasn't like as cool and smart as they thought, you know, this character was.
Sammy Luther.
They got Sam Luther.
Sam Luther.
But I just, I fell into it, and I got comfortable in the dialogue, and they let me start to be myself in a way, a heightened version, darker version.
And did that start to grow over time?
Like, did you start to, because I know sometimes in the beginning of things, they just, you know, they want to get things established, like, even just as like, you know, but were you able as a care, are you able to like create the character more as time goes on and you know like what little bounds and things that that character can do on screen that are still going to come off?
Yeah, the biggest fight for me was they, they were, you know, it's like, when is he going to come evil?
I can't become evil, but I could have moments and I could have like little nuances and things like that that you could say, oh, there is that dark side.
There is that.
So it was me just trying to keep it in check because I knew I had six or seven seasons to do it in if the show was going to be successful.
And if I got, if I started twirling the mustache, like, ha ha, then I was fucked.
I was like, okay, he's evil.
But so it was one of those things like I'd call the guys and I'd say, hey, and they were great and collaborative.
We're trying to work on something now together.
Alan Miles, who created Smallville and Badlands, Into the Badlands, a bunch of shit.
Yeah, they're awesome.
And they were just like, I was like, hey, isn't this a little too menacing?
He's like, you know what?
We wrote it, but we know you're going to play a little against that.
Always fight things.
So the best thing to do when you're playing a villain or you're playing a, and I don't know if a lot of people do this, but the secret is play the opposite.
If it's so dark, if you play the opposite, it's still going to be dark, but it's like you're not playing into the darkness.
Right.
Now the darkness is like a subtlety of yours.
It's become subtle.
So people will say, oh, and he did that with his eye.
That was actually a twist.
Right, that's when the darkness really comes through.
Yeah, and so it was fun, but I'm like ADD like you.
I kind of got like, I'm after season one, I'm like, okay, I did this.
What's the next project?
You got six years left, buddy.
But I evolved and the character became kind of fun.
And then it let me sort of bounce around ideas.
And, you know, there's episodes where, hey, I knew I get to freak out in this episode because something happened so I could play this dark Lex.
So I freaking out and being maniacal.
I can't, you know, Wes Craven once told me it was the best.
Wes Craven, the murder man?
The mystery?
Murder mystery?
Well, he's director, Nightmare in Elm Street.
Yeah.
The mystery murder man.
Well, but he's one of my favorites and I worked with him and he just said, he said to me, you know what?
You're going to play an amazing, I don't know, psycho killer, likable murderer.
And I go, what?
He's like, no, this is a good thing in your career.
And I go, well, Lex Lee goes, no, no, no, there's something else that's going to happen.
And it was just a compliment.
I just loved Wes Crave.
He's my hero.
And this was before your Lex Luthor came.
No, this was as I was doing Lex Luthor.
So this was something else.
But I was like, I like to go a little nuts.
You know, in life, you can't really go nuts because people think you're nuts.
But if you can go nuts on screen and take all that shit that bothers you or that fucked up stuff as a child, like, you know, things that I resented or things that I remembered and channel it through emotion.
Like on, that's, that's, it's, I can't, I don't know if it's fun, but it's cathartic and it's real.
And I noticed that when I would do it, it would get a rise out of people.
Like, I could see the creators and the show and the people and the fans would be like, oh, my, I was like, oh, because I didn't know freaking out on screen would, does it look real?
Do I look menacing?
I'm kind of a pussy in real life, maybe?
I don't know.
Am I tough enough?
Like, how does this come off?
Yeah.
Yeah.
How does this come off?
But you just trusted it and just went, you know, so when the dialogue was there and you start to see me freaking out in the early seasons and certain episodes, wearing a straitjacket and going and just going for it.
I just went for it.
And I think that's something when you're younger too.
I was 27, 28, 29. And I talk about this on my podcast is like, you know, that ambition that I want to do anything.
I just want to, you know, and then you get older and you start to, I don't know if you lose that, but that, that drive, that motivation.
But back then I was just like unstoppable.
I felt like I fuck it, man.
I'm young.
And do you ever feel like when you get older, you just, you lose that a little bit?
That fire?
Yeah, I mean, I think you definitely lose.
What do I lose?
That's a good question.
As I get older, what do I feel like I lose?
I feel like you're just at the beginning.
Like you're really blowing up, so it's different with you.
Maybe you've like.
I've always been a late bloomer.
Really, me too.
Yeah.
Did you have hair on your balls in high school?
I probably had a little.
I didn't have much until like my junior year, Nick.
Really?
I was pretty late.
I don't know, like eighth grade.
I mean, obviously, pretty late.
Premature late.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Sorry to go to the ball hair.
No.
I think it's interesting, man.
Like, it's tough these days to like, I think as I get older, what do I notice that's different?
That's a great question.
What do I notice that's different about like my like fervor, like my vitality or things that I would do differently in my 20s that I wouldn't do in my 30s?
I don't know.
I felt like I was so much more like insecure probably in my 20s and even like in my early 30s.
So I feel like more, like I'll, I'm a little more in touch with who I am now, I guess.
So yeah, I guess I wouldn't do as much errant stuff, you know?
Like I wouldn't just throw caution to the wind and do something kind of crazy.
Yeah.
Like, dude, I remember one time, bro, like, they're like, you need to sing in this audition.
And I'm like, I can't even sing, you know?
I can't sing if we weren't in an audition right now.
You know what I'm saying?
You don't sing in the shower?
You don't sing in the car?
I mean, I'd do a couple of fucking bars, bro, but I ain't doing it.
I'm not faking it through a whole song just to fucking make it through a, you know, a, you know, a moment of conditioner.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, I'm not a fucking psychopath, you know?
So what I, I remembered watching, what was it?
Oh, Shirley Temple when I was young, right?
On the good ship lollipop.
I was like, that's a song I can pull off for these people.
I had just gotten out to LA.
I was like, Shirley Temple, Hollywood legend, you know.
They're going to love this.
That's what I was thinking, dude.
You know?
So I'm going to pour my hair a little bit.
I was horrible, bro.
So I was sitting there, and I can still remember their faces, dude.
They thought it was a joke, you know?
And I was like, on bonbon, on a sunny beach in peppermint bay, you know, like.
And you were serious.
Yeah.
Then I stopped, and then I'm like, Cracker Jack Bands.
Like, I had a whole, I went second stanza.
You know what I'm saying?
It shook them.
I remember the assistant lady just like had to straighten her neck out.
She didn't know I was going to go fucking second stanza.
That fucking lame bitch.
Wherever she is.
And then you said, thank you, Theo.
Yeah, she was sitting there judging me the whole time.
You're a fucking assistant.
You're not even doing anything of your fucking.
You didn't take a chance.
You didn't sing Shirley Temple in the middle of fucking.
I'm just a fucking Muppet, bro.
Chanceless comes.
I'll choke out all your fucking cousins, bro.
I'll throw a cum mom on your family.
Oh, no.
Oh, sorry.
Sorry, I did it.
I did it again.
This guy's tossing dirty grenades into the fruit salad.
But yeah, I think that's one thing.
I think then I would do that and I have any thoughts.
Now I'd be like, no way would I do that.
So maybe you know more stuff and you wouldn't do.
Yeah, it's like you have more frame of reference, I think.
You know your strengths now.
You're like, I'm not going to do that because A, I can't sing.
B, I'm not going to embarrass myself in front of this chanceless twat.
Right.
And C, fuck off.
Yeah.
You know, I'm just not going to, I can understand that, but I kind of miss that.
But you're blind ambition.
That sort of, you know, I do.
I do miss that, you know, that just sort of like fear, I think, still gets in the way.
And when fear didn't get in the way then.
I mean, we all have a little fear, but, you know, I'm working on that.
I'm working on not giving a shit more.
And I think that's like just being in touch with myself a little more and sort of saying, hey, what do you want?
What do you want in life?
What is it you want?
I mean, you've been doing this.
You've been acting.
People are like, hey, What's next?
What are you doing?
That's the question in LA.
Hey, what are you up to?
And you always feel compelled to be like, Oh, I got a special.
I got this movie coming out.
I'm writing this script.
I'm writing, doing this.
You need to tell people.
You feel compelled to tell everybody what you're doing so they think you're something.
So it gives you the feeling of I'm somebody.
Yeah.
And I don't like that.
I'm not doing that.
Yeah.
So when people ask me what I'm doing, sometimes I'm like, not a goddamn thing.
Yeah.
I'm doing my podcast, playing in my band, just have some fun.
Yeah, you have a band.
You guys are on tour, someone said, right?
Well, you guys are doing dates around the country.
Well, we were called shit sandwich.
Right now we're called the sandwich.
It was just a joke.
We were in my basement and we were just like, my bass player didn't, Carl, he's on ballers.
Carl Weathers?
No, not Carl Weathers, but he is African-American, Carl Weathers.
Is he really?
Yep.
Like Weathers.
Is Carl Weathers a real person?
Carl Weathers is.
He was Apollo Creed in the Rocky movies.
He's a big deal.
Yeah, he's a big deal.
But Carl never played bass.
He learned to play bass.
Kent was playing drums.
Never really played drums.
I was like, who's going to sing?
And they're like, you.
I'm like, I'm not a great singer.
So I said, fuck it.
So I started writing my own songs.
Started playing.
My friend goes, open up for us at the Troubadour.
I'm like, what?
He goes, do it.
I've never been more scared.
So I got up.
We did three songs, the originals.
Then he goes, come to Germany, open for me.
So they paid for our shit.
You went to Germany?
Germany last year, going to Germany this year.
I'm playing in the Love Street Festival here in Hollywood.
I mean, I just write my own shit, and it's not complex.
It's not radio head.
It's not like, but it's like 70s Southern Rock meets like gin blossoms, wallflowers, 90s throwback story.
But we play our own shit, and I love it.
I love it.
And it's just fulfilling.
Whether people love it or not, I really enjoy it.
And so like, well, like, certainly, like, obviously with having some success, there's something that happens as you start to get like a confidence that comes once you start to have some success in your work world.
Right.
And I think it's probably in any work world.
But it's like, you know, would you have got into the band like, you know, 10 years ago?
Would you have, you know, it's like you start to get a little bit more comfortability once obviously you have a little bit of enough money that you can pay your rent.
You know what I'm saying?
Some of those fixed costs are kind of taken care of.
Yeah, I did that with, you know, sort of bucket list shit.
And I was like, you know what?
I've always wanted to be a singer.
I've always wanted, or not a singer, but I always wanted to write songs and perform them.
I always wanted to do stand-up comedy.
Harlan was like, dude, open for me, bud.
You can open for me, pal.
I'm like, nah.
Yeah, 2,000 people.
Oxnard.
No one's going to give a fuck.
Get up there.
Give eight minutes.
And I got up there and I fucking did it and I fell in love with it.
And then Bobby Lee's like, you're opening for me in here.
And all of a sudden I started, then I saw you and you were going up.
And I had never done it.
So I was going up with these big fuckers like you and Rogan and Bobby Lee and Swartzen and Harlan.
And I was, I'm telling you, acting and all this shit I've done, never been more fucked up nervous.
Like, and the reality is, I should have been thinking, dude, you just started this.
Go out there and bomb, have fun, not be so hard on yourself.
You can't be as good as these guys.
You're not going to be great.
And I didn't.
I was so fixated on just, I got to make someone.
I got to kill it.
And I put so much pressure on myself that I think it drove me fucking crazy.
Wow.
For six months, it drove me crazy where I was just like, at the end of last year, I was just exhausted.
I was just like, I got to take some months off.
And just like, between the music and that and writing, I was just like, I'm too hard on myself.
I got to give my body a break.
Wow.
I think that stems from childhood too, is just being too hard on yourself.
You're not good enough, insatiable.
Did you ever have to deal with that?
Yeah, I think I had to deal with that kind of stuff.
You know, I mean, I think a lot of it was just, I would get so nervous.
Everything would make me so nervous forever.
How'd you get over that?
I think a lot of it just repetition over time.
And then I just, I think having some successes starts to make me feel less nervous overall.
Like starting to like, just realizing, okay, like I can do one thing.
Like there's one thing I can do.
Okay, I can do, you know, stand-up comedy.
I can do it.
So then I start to live a little bit differently in my body.
Like, oh, I know, at least there's one thing that I know I can do.
So then it's like, like, I don't know.
I'd never had the feeling before of like something that I could do, you know, that I was able to really do and like felt like I really could do it.
And so then I guess it's some of the, then that starts to live in you differently.
Like, oh, I can do something, you know?
And then I would go into other things.
And at least then I would know, okay, there'll be a point with this where I'll know that I can do it, you know, and then, but also you slowly start to get to used to a little bit of what it feels like to be, to have some confidence.
And so I guess some of that, you know.
Success helps that too.
You're right.
It's like, I don't know.
I'm a complicated.
I mean, we're all complicated.
Well, do people look at, well, it's just a question of with success.
Do people start to look at you differently if you have a success behind you, right?
I think they do.
I remember like whenever it first got out here to Los Angeles, like Owen Benjamin is a comedian.
Nick Thune is a comedian.
They hit like the big time, like right out of the gate.
Like they were just like rocket launched into like they were the next thing, right?
Like MySpace had just come out.
And I think there was these rumors.
I don't know if this is true.
Some of it is true, but I don't know how much of it is that they each got like a half a million dollars from like MySpace or Comedy Central to make like some web series and stuff like that.
And so everybody was like, holy shit.
Like that was half a million dollars like 12 years ago.
That was like a million.
$800,000.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was like $800,000.
So everybody was like, holy shit, these guys, this is the thing.
This is it.
They're it, you know?
Fuck, I don't remember what we were talking about.
Well, how'd that make you feel?
I mean, was that like something...
You hadn't achieved confidence yet?
You haven't had success.
Right.
Oh, so everybody looked at them.
Thank you, Nick.
So everybody looked at them like suddenly we're like, oh, these guys know what they're doing.
But isn't that a scary feeling when someone, you think everybody knows what you're doing?
Like, I have a weird, there's a weird psychology.
Oh, I agree it is.
I'm just Saying, but it's but it's interesting to me now looking back: like, did they know what they were doing?
Probably not any more than anyone else.
Now, do they start to feel like they know what they're doing?
It would be ridiculous if they didn't feel that way because whatever they're doing is showing, um, is having a return, you know, they're achieving.
That's a mind fuck, what you just said, is it?
It's kind of a mind fuck.
But yeah, in a good way, like, yeah, I understand it.
Right, it's a weird place to be in.
So they probably, so then they start to feel more confident because when they walk in a room, people look at them like, you know, it's like these guys know what's funny.
They know what they're doing.
Yeah, they know that.
And then what's scary is all of a sudden you're out of the loop.
Right.
And you're like, what did we do wrong?
How do we get that?
Now we're not confident about our stuff.
We've got to get find something that makes us confident.
So people look at them like they're desperate.
And it's just like there's this.
They're uncertain.
They're unable.
They messed up.
And so, yeah.
So then in the end, and that's a lot of that might just be Hollywood.
I don't know if that's like that in other businesses.
I think maybe it's mostly it's Hollywood.
It feels like that.
I don't know.
I think that's probably with sports, too.
It's something like, he's the, he batted 340 last year.
Now he's batting 240.
Oh, he's done.
His career's washed up.
He's finished.
Right.
You know, get rid of him.
New guy.
And then that guy's got to build up and start taking more batting practice.
Yeah.
Go get coaching.
And all of a sudden he comes back.
Maybe.
You know, it's such a tough business.
And like, you know, it's who's hot.
Like I heard like some, a lot of people look at your fucking IBD, IMDb number.
Yeah.
If you're not like in the top hundred, they don't cast you.
Yeah.
You know, you got to be hot.
You got to be this.
How many followers you have?
How many Instagram?
How many, it's not about talent anymore.
Right.
It's not.
But I think that there are, I believe that the audience, that audience has to get smarter as well in some ways.
Where I think they do want, I think audience does want something that's more real and that's more authentic than they did.
I think they're tired of just being pushed like.
I don't know.
I feel like there has to be some, you know, I definitely feel like everything's changing.
I definitely feel like a lot more of it is in the hands of the entertainer now.
Do you feel that at all or no?
Yeah, I feel like it's just like a...
Because you've come out of network stuff.
Studio movies and shows, yeah.
Yes, and you just had...
What was the new show that you had recently that was Impastor?
Yes.
Dude, everybody's been telling me to watch that.
It was fun.
We only lasted two seasons, but I played a guy who was pretending to be this gay pastor in the small town, but I was really screwing prostitutes and doing drugs.
And it was awesome.
So it was stepdad, basically.
It was awesome.
And we did two seasons, and we pretty much got to do what we want.
And I had a blast.
It was the show that I would have probably done forever.
It was just one of those shows where you're blessed to be working.
It's just like you're working four months, you bust your ass, you're making comedy.
Every day you're laughing.
It's dark.
It's funny.
You're getting paid for it.
It was a dream job, and those jobs are...
Like, think about it.
How many studios were there?
How many stations were there?
How many like who was making TV shows and movie?
Now it's like YouTube stations and Instagram and Instagram's doing their own thing.
Nick's filming a movie under the desk right now.
Yeah, he's fucking, what are you doing under the neck?
I mean, it's definitely, it looks like a fucking setting up lighting.
Yeah.
But I mean, it's like you.
He's like a short film.
I'm just joking.
That's kind of rain.
But you can do whatever you want.
The good thing is you can make a movie with your iPhone.
You can do whatever you want.
You can make product.
But the bad thing is there's so much of it now.
Right.
It's everywhere and it's hard to like.
People say, hey, there's a new show.
I'm like, yeah, yesterday I heard there's a new show.
And the day before, somebody else said there's a new show.
And there's eight superhero movies coming out this month.
And there's four Jurassic Worlds coming out.
Yeah, there's an infantry.
And there's a superhero now.
And it's not about, it's just like, it's just like, I don't even know what to do.
I'm so ADD.
And not even the insect.
It's a woman whose sister had a couple of children.
Her aunt.
I like it.
But you know, it's like, I just want a fucking chicken or beef.
Yeah.
Or vegan even.
There's three.
Right.
But just, to me, it's so much, so many choices that I don't even have time.
I don't even know what to do.
But you must be, there must be something about you that finds, because you have your own podcast now.
Yeah.
And so there must be something that has led you in that direction to be, to want to create your own stuff.
Because I think whether we realize that in the beginning of having a podcast or not, I think it ends up leading us there some.
I mean, I don't know what is some of the stuff you found.
You just nailed it and you insinuated something.
You were like, you know, it's like, why do we do it?
And we found, is it something you, did you find?
That's exactly what it was.
At first, my producer, Rob, was like, dude, you need to do a podcast.
And I was like, nah, I don't think I need to do a podcast.
He goes, yeah, you do.
I think it'd be fun just talking to people.
And I go, all right, you know what?
Fuck it.
How much is it going to cost?
He goes, get a soundboard.
We'll get some mics.
We'll go to your house.
You have celebrity friends.
You have, you know, athletes.
You have, you know, people.
God, Rob sounds like a great guy.
He is.
He's a great guy.
He's a kid.
He's like 29. He's got a kid.
He's married.
He's just a nice kid.
So he hooked the stuff up and I'd invite my friends over, like Swartzen and Harlan.
You know, at first it was just like, hey, you know, I'm finding stuff out about them.
But all of a sudden I go, one day, I don't know what it was.
It was like Zach Levi was on the guy who's playing Shazam or, you know, just Shazam who?
That guy?
Shazam the superhero.
They just did a new movie.
The guy who knows what music is?
Huh?
That's a fucking superhero.
No, Shazam is a musician.
Remember music from the 70s?
Yeah.
That's a fucking superhero.
I'm out.
No.
But anyway, this guy tears up.
We're talking about that.
That was a grandmother when I was growing up.
Somebody who could remember a song from the 70s was a grandparent.
Now that's a fucking superhero.
I quit, dude.
An aunt is a superhero.
Everybody's a superhero.
Asthma is now a superpower.
Some guy that can't handle air and is going to die soon.
Wow.
That's right there.
No.
But look, for me, it became therapy.
I'm telling you, man.
All of a sudden, I'm talking to somebody and I go down this rabbit hole where it's like, oh, you get anxiety?
Like we're talking about.
And they're like, yeah, it was debilitating.
And I did this.
And I'm like, you know, finding out Kristen Bell has fucking anxiety and depression and all that.
Jennifer Love You doesn't love herself.
Really?
Loves her middle name.
Loves her middle name and she doesn't love herself.
and all of a sudden, I get these texts from her saying that was like, I've never done a podcast, and I was crying today on how happy it made me to talk about these things and be open.
And I was like, then I realized, wow, I get emails from people and texts and Twitter.
And it just made me feel good that people are, it's almost, they listen to it and there's hope for them.
They feel like, oh, this is my idol and she's, she's got a problem.
She's kind of fucked up.
We're all fucked up.
Yeah.
We were talking about.
So for me, it inadvertently became like, this is real.
If I'm just real, if I'm just talking to people and finding shit out and we have fun, we're laughing, but I find out all this dark shit.
It's dark, yeah.
Dark.
There's dark stuff out there.
I can't wait.
Tomorrow I'm interviewing Dave Bautista.
You are the wrestler?
Yeah, from Guardians of the Galaxy 2. He was Drax.
I'm like, excited.
I want to find out some shit about him.
I bet he's got some dark shit.
Yeah.
And I think that's what people want to hear.
They don't want to hear just like people going, sell your movie's coming out.
You know, those late night shows where it's five minutes.
It's just fluff.
It's not real.
Well, it's all fucking Muppetry.
Yeah, you know.
Exactly right.
How do we choreograph this to just to make the audience sort of just laugh?
He's nice.
He's handsome.
Go see his movie.
Right.
That's not, you know.
It's a fucking sham is what it is at a certain point.
It's a shazam.
It's a shazam, yeah.
It's a shazam.
Just shodded it.
We got a couple of fanline questions that came in.
Let's get to a couple of those, bro.
So we can, huh?
He's live.
No, there's not live.
None of this is live, dude.
I got a question from Michael.
He used to be Lex Luther on the Smallville.
He was great, man, and I'm curious what he thinks of the new Lex Luthor, that Jesse Eisenberg Riddler Luther.
That old goofy ass Luther.
I don't like him, man.
Take it easy, guys.
Jesse Eisenberg's playing Luther?
He played him already.
Oh, wow.
I need to see that.
Yeah, you know, thanks for the question.
That's hard for me to answer because it's easy to sound like a dick.
Like, if I was here to sit here and say, oh, yeah, he really dropped the ball.
He played it maniacally.
I wouldn't have done that.
I think, you know, it's like there's a direction.
And Zach Snyder was the director of the last movie, right?
And so he and Jesse said, this is the character, and this is what you're doing.
And they worked, they collaborated, and that was the Lex Luther that Jesse Eisenberg did.
And, you know, a lot of people didn't like it.
A lot of people liked it.
You know.
Yeah.
I always say, like, look, man, it's a vulnerable position to be in.
It's like you're an actor, you do a part and like people are going to love you or hate you or somewhere in between or forget you.
And I don't know.
I enjoyed doing Smallville for seven years.
I loved playing the character.
I always thought Lex Luther, he was like, he had his shit together and he was more in his head.
Right.
And it was real.
And it was just like, when he blew up, he blew up and you were intimidated by him.
You were a little scared of him.
You weren't sure of what he was capable of.
So that's my interpretation of the character.
But, you know, that interpretation of the character was.
He was Chris of Eisenberg or something there that we can see?
Yeah, that interpretation was just, you know, it was a different version that was.
You know, sort of like it was a little bit like the Joker, a little bit like crazy maniac.
And that was the direction that he chose.
Right.
How'd I do on that response?
Oh, I see.
Yeah, there he is.
And I worked with him.
And he was a great guy, and he's a great actor.
So, you know, people always say, oh, well, why don't you play Lex?
I'm like, well, they didn't ask me.
Did he put on weight for this at all or no?
No, I don't think so.
It seems like he must be a little too meek, I feel like, in some ways.
Yeah, he looks like a Lex Luther, like maybe in Brooklyn, maybe.
You know, I couldn't see him Lex Lutheran outside of that area.
Lex Lutheran?
He looks like a gentrification Lex Luther.
Yeah.
Well, the good thing is he's, you know, well, I don't know.
Like, you know, they're going for, you know, they went Jewish for Lex Luther with me, Rosenbaum.
Then they went to Eisenberg.
So I don't know.
So it's obviously a Jewish name.
Is there a Jewish thing?
Yeah.
I don't know.
Eisenberg, Rosenbaum.
Who's next?
Vaughn?
Yeah.
That's Vaughn's not a Jewish name.
Uh-uh.
No, no, no.
Does, so what was another question?
What do you have, Nick?
Oh, yeah, we got another question here.
Another Smallville one.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, what's going on?
Question for Michael Rosenbaum.
I don't know if this is too touchy, but what's the deal?
Well, on the set of Smallville, a show that he used to be on with Allison Mac, did you get the vibe or anything that she was into some freaky sex cult shit?
Oh, yeah.
Some crazy stuff.
Can you bring a picture up to it whenever you're talking about it?
There's a vibe there, but she beard, but it's a set of left field.
Anyways, man, you're the man.
Have a good day.
You know what this one is.
I haven't responded to this.
Let me look at this.
So Allison Mack is the girl.
What was this thing called?
I remember they busted a man who was running, who was using a group.
Here, you go.
You know, it's funny because I've chosen not to talk about it only because it's so shocking.
And all I can say is this.
When I was on that show, Allison was the sweetest professional, most professional.
She was just a great girl, great actress.
And, you know, I remember doing some self-help stuff.
I remember she was a part of something and it was different than it was now.
But I remember her mentioning something.
Oh, there's this agape or something?
Organization or something.
No.
There's always, because there's a lot of them.
Whatever.
I didn't listen to it.
I just remember thinking, oh, it sounds a little culty.
That's not for me.
I don't know.
And I just never thought about it.
But it never, she never.
Sorry, this is the first time I've actually talked about it.
But I felt like it was such a shock to hear all these things.
I just didn't believe it.
You know, it's like somebody said, hey, your brother killed somebody.
You're like, no, he didn't.
I know my brother.
He wouldn't kill anybody.
So to me, seeing this, it's still, it's bizarre.
It's like, you know, I want to hear the, you know, the whole story, I think, is yet to come out.
But I think a lot of the story is out there now.
And it's, I think it's just shocking.
It's surprising.
She was great.
I just bumped into an old director from Smallville.
We looked at each other like, you know, things happen in life, and you're like, you just don't have answers for.
And for me, it was like working with someone for seven years.
We weren't, we didn't go out.
We didn't like it.
Did you ever ask her?
I was younger.
So I hung out with Tom a little bit.
And, you know, I wasn't around as many.
Tom Welling, he was Superman.
He was Clark Kent.
So I hung out with him.
So I really didn't hang out with Allison, but maybe a couple of times throughout seven years.
So we didn't know each other.
We weren't close friends, but like there was always a mutual respect and a love there.
Did you ever hit on her?
Was there anything like that?
No, never, never, never.
I never, with any of my co-stars, never would do that.
Yeah, you don't shit where you eat.
Although I have shat where I at.
Yeah.
You know, in the past, I mean, there's when I was younger, I did a movie in Germany and the girl and I, the actress and I, we kind of got together.
It was a mistake, but then we became friends eventually, which those just never end well.
So I never understand why people do that because no matter what, if you're on a show, maybe a movie at the end, something, because the movie's over.
But a TV show, it's just bad, bad, bad idea, man.
Right.
It's just not a good idea.
So I, and the good thing is, is Annette O'Toole was like older than me and married.
So, you know, there wasn't there.
And, you know, Kristen and Allison were a lot younger than me.
Right.
But that's attractive to a man.
It's not like younger.
Yeah, but it was, they felt like, you know, younger sisters.
Okay.
Because I was 25 and they were 18. And what was her vibe like?
I mean, was she like, you were 25 and they were 18?
That's not insane at all.
That's 20. No, maybe I was 26. Yeah, even if you're 36, that's not that insane.
Look, you know what it was?
It was just like they're on the show.
They're younger.
I don't have as much in common.
I like it.
Okay, 80s music and 70s music.
I'm partying at that time.
They're like going to museums.
They're smarter than I am.
Okay.
So I'm kind of nerdier?
Maybe a little nerdier, but just maybe more intelligent.
Okay.
Although, you know, I don't know.
That's a good way to put it.
Yeah, maybe more intelligent.
Maybe more mature than I was, which is not hard to do.
Right.
So I just didn't go there.
I thought it was a bad idea.
Not to say I never talked to a guest star ever, you know, if we became friends, but just never do anything on set.
Right.
Like later on, if you become friends and the guest star is over, you're like, hey, I want to get coffee.
You're not working on the show anymore.
But in hindsight, like, are there any, do you think you could see her?
Could you see her getting into something like that?
No, never.
Never.
I thought she was just a girl, a nice person who just, you know, she's like a lot of actresses or actors.
We want attention.
We want approval.
And she found something that she thought would probably give her that.
And then, and I don't think that's what she was doing when I knew her.
Right.
I mean, this was years ago.
But ultimately, inadvertently, she got into something that was bigger than her.
And, you know, I'm hearing things like, you know, she said supposedly that it was manipulation or it was like, you know, she was, what's the word?
Coerced?
Stockholm syndrome type of stuff?
I just, I think that she, you know, she killed him.
Who's to say what happened?
I mean, I'm not a psychologist.
Yeah, nobody knows.
We don't know.
I don't know.
All I know is, you know, it's shocking that it happened.
Like, if you said, oh, Theo Vaughn killed someone, I'd be like, oh, yeah.
Because I don't know you as well.
And maybe you did kill someone.
It's not shocking.
But when you're.
Who is it?
What?
Who did I kill?
I mean, you could have killed someone.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, you probably could have killed someone.
You probably could have killed that girl, the African-American woman that put their hand in your pocket in Brazil.
Oh, yeah.
The neck punch is rough, dude.
It would have taken a while, dude.
I was throwing some very weak punches.
She could have killed you, though.
Oh, easily.
Easily.
She probably could have.
And the crazy thing was, people around us in Brazil started cheering and betting on who was going to win.
Because you both had long hair.
We were both outside.
It was broad daylight.
Nobody helped.
People started literally betting.
I was extremely scared.
I was walking in a foreign country by myself and not even in the best area.
Dude, it was shameful.
It would have affected my ego.
Like, I would have thought, like, out of all these people, this woman thought I was weak enough to put her hand in my pocket.
Wow.
Gosh, I got to work out or something.
Well, you know what?
Right after that, I went back on, like, I was on a ship.
I was on a cruise ship.
I went back onto the cruise ship and stayed on there.
And I didn't go back out into the country.
I felt like unwelcome.
I felt, yeah, just scared, you know?
I did feel like some of that kind of shit.
When someone violates you, it just, it ruins everything.
I've been violating before.
And nobody helped.
That's just bad.
People are gambling on who's going to fucking win.
People are gambling?
Yeah.
And then also, I remember this in Brazil.
Somebody would come up to you and say, I have AIDS, right?
It was a kid.
I have AIDS.
I'm going to bite you unless you give me money.
I would have stayed on the ship.
It was a good call, Theo.
That was the AIDS bite trick.
You got to stay.
They do that in nightclubs here in LA all the time, but it's like, this is like, you know.
I'm going to bite you.
I'm going to take a bite out of your wallet.
You better take me to Mel's diner for a burger.
I'm going to bite you with my AIDS.
Yeah, that's not good.
That AIDS bite, boy.
Yeah.
But so you never saw anything like that with that.
So you would never think that that girl would be into something?
Never.
I thought she'd be married with kids and she was smart.
She was, you know, family was into music and opera and stuff and sort of upper class.
So how does that happen?
I don't know what that means, but I just, you look at her and you're like, oh, you know, she's got her stuff together.
She's not an idiot with her money.
And she's, I just never thought it.
I don't think any of us thought.
So then how does that happen then?
I think that you just don't ever really know someone.
You don't ever, really, really know someone.
Like I could tell you my friend Tom of 32 years friendship.
I promise you he would never kill someone.
But that's because I've grown up with him since I'm 12 years old.
And I know him inside.
No, that's Daniel Carter.
Daniel Cutter.
Tom Lally.
Like I've seen his penis.
I'm not in a gay way.
No.
But we know each other.
I've been in the hospital.
He's taking care of me when I had back surgery.
He's like, you know, more of a, almost getting in a gay way, taking care of me.
No, no, he's just my best friend.
It sounds like bridges of Madison County almost.
Man, maybe it does.
I apologize to the audience.
My bad, my bad.
No, no, but you're right.
I should have stopped with the penis, I think.
He didn't have to take care of me with the penis right there.
Like we're like trying on scarves.
Yeah, it wasn't a good scarves going through.
Yeah, it wasn't good.
Okay, so your friend Tom, though.
I can tell you.
So I'm going to change the way I thought.
I'm going to do a Trump there.
I'm going to change the wood and wooden thing.
But I think that he wouldn't kill someone.
I know him.
But when you say Allison, would she do this?
I didn't know Allison.
I probably, you know, I'd see her once a week and I go, hey, what are you doing?
How's your weekend?
Great.
Who's this past weekend with Theo Vaughan?
And that would be it.
And I'd be like, oh my God, you had dinner upgraded.
She'd be in the makeup trailer.
It's like, what are you guys listening to?
And that was it.
I directed her in an episode and she was sweet as hell.
And she was like, oh, I need to cry.
Can you tell me that nice story about your grandma?
And I would tell her this story and she would cry.
And then we'd roll camera.
And she was just sweet.
And she was nice.
I didn't expect this.
This is a curveball.
But again, I didn't really know her.
I didn't know her.
Okay.
Well, then how about this then?
I have, did she seem like a sexual person at all?
Because, you know, some of the things that they got caught up in.
Geez, you're going deep, man.
Well, no, I'm just curious about the psychology of some of this type of stuff because this kind of stuff is, you know, it's like, look, like I'll have, for example, I will have people that will reach out to me, right?
Like you might have chicks that are like porn stars, different types of stuff reach out to you or women that want to text you and get you involved.
Like I've had, I used to have this girl that would invite me to like these orgies and stuff down to go.
No, I didn't go.
But here's the thing.
It's like it would have just been, but I met up with her one time for coffee, right?
So it would have just, so there's just a couple of, you know, it could be a couple of weekends.
It could be a drug, some drug, it could be a couple of drinks.
You'd never kind of, you're only a few steps away sometimes from things that you don't think you would be in, right?
But I think you would still like some people would still have a vibe in them that would, you know, that would that would match the current of whatever that that is.
Yeah.
Do you feel like she had like a sexual type of vibe?
Or do you feel like she was like a, you know, some of these like in cells now?
There's people that are afraid of sunlight and are just lazy and, you know, aren't doing sex.
There are people that, you know, no one likes them.
So they just say that no one wants them.
You know, there's all kinds of things.
You know, look, you know.
Did she seem sexy?
Did she seem sexy?
I mean, that's, you know, again, I thought of her as like a kid.
I didn't look at her like that, but I just, you know, you know, she was like anybody else.
She was flirty.
She was fun.
She was nice.
I didn't really see that side of her.
I just didn't see it.
But I didn't hang out with that.
But I will say this.
I think that, like, for me, I'm a bit of a control freak in terms of like drugs and alcohol.
Like, I have friends who get drunk and they're like, they shouldn't drink.
And they get so hammered, they don't remember things.
And I'm like, I don't want to be that person.
So I am always aware of what I'm doing.
I don't put myself in precarious situations.
I just don't.
I can sense bad things happening.
It's always been, it's a gift, but it's also, I hate myself because it's like it takes me out of the fun, but like I'm running that cuss, but like I've always been like, I'm not going to that.
That doesn't look like it'd be fun.
I'm not going to go into that place.
I'm not, that guy's looking at me.
I'm going to walk out.
I don't want to be, I'm just getting away from trouble.
Right.
So I always like, if some girl's a little bit like, let's hammer, let's go back to when I was younger.
I still remember going, nope, this girl's drunk and I don't know her and I'm not taking her back.
I'm just not putting myself in that situation.
And I think there are people like that.
And you're right.
You miss out on fun, but you also take yourself out of dangerous situations.
And so I've always been that.
So I know people who could do, like, I've seen them.
I'm like, good person, never would do this sober, never would make this bad decision sober, drinking a little too much right now.
If somebody doesn't keep an eye on that person, they can make a bad decision.
Wow.
And so I don't know with her, I'm not talking about that because I never saw her before.
So you don't know if that was true.
She was, I don't know, but I'm just saying, you know, like I, you were saying people could be on the cusp of like going down that way, but I just like, I know for me.
That's not you.
Well, I just know I could never think something that was happening in that was right and keep going down that.
Keep going down it.
Because I would think, oh my God, this seems a little dangerous.
You can better maybe get arrested for this.
If somebody found out, oh my God, this is blessed.
This is bad.
So you couldn't keep going down that road unless what?
Unless you had some of that in you.
You had some of that dark.
I don't even know if you had something in you unless you were easily, like you said, coerced or like, you know, you were.
What happened with the Manson, the Manson family?
They said they pleaded like what?
That he did what?
He.
Yeah, like manipulated the people, I guess.
Yeah, like they were like, oh my God, we just did.
Stockholm syndrome type of thing where he.
Yeah, they believed they were easily manipulated, like whatever.
But they, you know, and they said that was the excuse.
I know that that could never happen.
What happened to you?
To me.
Right.
Because I, but I know.
How old was she?
She was young, though.
That's what I'm saying.
Well, she was young.
And this man was older, apparently, that ran the thing.
So now I could see that.
Say a man comes along.
He has a bunch of money.
You know, he has access to like a lot of, you know, fun, crazy stuff.
Maybe.
Maybe he seems worldly.
He seems like a leader of a group you believe in.
Like I've been to these, I did orgasmic meditation where I'm driving around town and, you know, touching older women's crotches as part of a club, you know?
Like, and that's a real thing.
And that's really organized.
Yeah.
What?
That's organized.
And I met other, there's other celebrities in it, right?
Like, and I don't mean other celebrities, but there's celebrities in it.
But it's like there are a lot of different groups out here.
There's a lot of people looking for connection, especially in Los Angeles.
It's a very disconnected city.
So if this girl was 18, 19, 22, easily, I could see her.
She gets involved with the group.
She was an attractive girl, right?
At least.
Sure.
She was an eight.
Yeah, I don't want to put numbers on anyone.
She's great.
Myself, like us.
Right.
She was at least an eight.
I think she was a pretty girl.
She was smart.
This is why it's so shocking to me.
Yes.
She was younger.
She could have easily been mind fucked and given like, who knows?
They could have said, oh, and promised her these things.
And she was empowered by things.
And somehow she fell down this dark path.
Maybe.
All of it to me is just, for me.
It's shocking just because, like, to know someone, it's like, you know, again, I said know someone, but I really didn't know her, and it just makes me sad ultimately because it just makes me sad to know someone who really was a sweetheart and could be capable of something like this, you know, and I don't know the whole story, but it's just fun.
It's just very bizarre.
It's completely strong.
When I saw it, I just looked at Tom, co-star, and I looked at, you know, I talked to a couple people.
I was just like, I just, I don't even know what to say.
Well, it looks like the older man, whoever ran it, looks like he took advantage of her.
I feel like took advantage of her.
He took advantage of her.
He probably blackmailed her.
He probably manipulated all these, all these girls were manipulated and blackmailed and these women.
And it's sad.
And it happens.
You hear about, you know.
It's the dark arts, bro.
It happens more than you think.
Admit that it is.
Yeah.
The arts?
Yeah, dark arts.
Dark, darks.
You don't think it's the dark arts, dude?
A man doing that?
Oh, yeah, it's dark.
Yeah.
Yeah, it is, man.
I agree.
Who's that on there?
I don't think it's...
Let's hear this another fan line.
Yeah, we have to take a look at it.
Let's take one more fan line question here, man.
And this is from our LiveRaise fanline.
You can submit these online through our YouTube link or through a link on iTunes.
And you can submit a question that will come directly to us via video.
Thank you so much.
Let's play that, Nick.
Hey, I got a question for Rosie.
Him being from Indiana.
You know, fuck that.
No.
Ask him a question about Harlan Williams.
Make him tell a good story.
Yeah, and what's up with this long hair off my head?
Okay.
So let's ask, let's see about that.
Tell us a good Harlan story.
Harlan's one of the nicest men I've ever had.
He's one of my best friends in the world.
We did a movie called Sorority Boys years ago.
Is it good or not?
Sorority Boys?
Yeah.
It actually has become a cult movie.
People love that movie.
I really do.
Genuinely, I go to these conventions to sign autographs, and people come up and love.
You quote Sorority Boys.
Have you seen Cicero?
No.
I think it's a movie.
Sicaro.
I saw the first one.
Is it good?
It's Cicero.
I was like, Cicero?
Is Harlan in that?
Hey, buddy, part of the mafia here, pal.
Hey, see you.
Harlan dragged me.
He and I have gone on some crazy trips.
He dragged me to Burning Man.
And, you know, I don't do drugs or anything, but I said, fuck it, I'm in Burning Man.
I'm going to do a Molly.
And I did a Molly, and it was a lot of fun.
And I remember just, I mean, he was.
Was you wearing a diaper?
No, but I just remember him like us laughing constantly.
And we got this RV and he used to get pissed because I was taking a shit with the door open.
He's like, buddy, what are you doing, man?
I'm fucking sharing an RV with you and you're fucking shitting with the door open.
Yeah.
And that's dirty.
I remember we came at like two in the, I don't want to miss anything.
That's why I have it open.
Oh, I respect that almost kind of.
I respect that.
It's an Indiana thing.
Yeah.
And I just remember coming home at like four in the morning to the RV and he's like, I'm going to have a Thanksgiving dinner, bud.
And I go, all right.
And he opens the little fridge in the freezer.
It's like this little square, small Thanksgiving meal in one frozen meal.
Wow.
Took two and a half minutes to make it.
And he starts eating it four in the morning, just stuffing his face.
It's like, oh, it's delicious, bud.
And I look in the back and I go, you know, this has 6,000 calories, Harlan?
Wow.
He goes, thanks for ruining Thanksgiving, pal.
And he put it aside.
But Harlan's like one of those guys who just has a heart of gold.
He always makes me laugh.
Every day, I have texts from him this morning.
Does he do that to you?
Oh, you don't know?
Yeah.
We're not that close.
We do communicate well.
I think we've both kind of tried to become a little bit closer, but I think, you know, we probably have to do a little bit more follow-through.
I'll have a barbecue and I'll invite you.
He always comes to those things, but he's a treat, man.
I went to his Christmas party and it was great.
Yeah, that's where I saw you.
It was so much fun.
Are you on a date?
No.
You were solo.
Yeah, we were solo, but he and I were both like, yeah, I was solo, but it was, yeah, it was fun.
It was a great time.
A lot of cute gals running around.
I got to see Christopher Titus, which was cool because I've always been a big fan.
Yeah, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, Harlan's good.
He's good people, man.
He's got some crazy stories.
He took me down the Amazon River.
No.
He goes, buddy, we're going to Peru.
And I'm like, nah, I don't think so.
He goes like, no, buddy, we're going on the Amazon.
We're going to see Lynx and we're going to see those things that are in the chat.
The spiders.
Yeah, yeah, bud.
And it was.
It was the most amazing time ever.
And we swam like, I swam naked.
He had shorts on, but with piranhas and the Amazon.
And he's just fun to be around.
It's like an older brother.
Yeah, he's like one of the top 60 or 70 people, I think, I've ever met.
Top 60 or 70 people?
Top 70 people.
People.
Not favorite.
Oh, just people.
Yeah, one of the top 60. I mean, it would have been a lot of fun.
That's pretty good.
Top 60 or 70?
Yeah.
I'd say he's probably top 20 for me.
For me, because we're closer.
Yeah, but still.
You don't even know him.
That's a lot of people.
Yeah, but nine people are family members.
So then you're not on 11 people after that if you're doing top 20. That's pretty good.
You don't know how to work like a real top.
You don't know how to work a top numerical system.
What do you have to say, Nick?
I was just going to wonder if, or I was wondering if, is Harland always on?
Are there ever like deep conversations with him?
Yeah, you know, it's funny because when you meet him, like, he's always on.
He's like, hey, buddy, why don't you, your wife?
Yeah.
How's your wife doing, bud?
And he's doing all, you know, and it's funny because they don't see the side of him like when his mom passed away, how raw and emotional he was and how many times we just would sit there and talk for hours and emotional and like conversations about just life and growing up and his dad and, you know, girlfriends that I've had or what, you know, his ex-wife, we would just talk about real shit.
And he's just there for me.
When I was going through a breakup, he'd check in all the time.
He's like, hey, bud, leave these messages.
Hey, it's your aunt Ruthie just checking up on you.
Hope you're okay.
Don't kill yourself.
The family loves you.
And like you would leave these.
I save all his messages.
I have a hundred messages that I want to make into a special.
Yeah.
And just use them all with like it's just like these three four-minute messages of Harlan.
I have them on here.
And he just knows how to make you feel good.
And he's like, if he's your bud and he loves you, he's there forever.
He's like one of those guys.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, he does.
He does.
He does have such a beautiful.
He does have such a beautiful soul.
He's a really interesting.
And if people don't know him out there, you know, he's the dumb and dumber guy.
He's the something about a little of your grandpappy's slappy sauce there.
What does he say?
It's so funny.
You chewing on grandpa's old cough medicine that half papped.
Chicken and some of grandpa's cough medicine.
Yeah.
Yeah, the favorite thing is in half-baked when he's talking to the horse.
He feeds the horse all that stuff.
He's like, whoa, there, big girl.
There's a black girl walking down the street.
She's like, what you talking about?
She thinks she's talking to him.
You ever ride butt naked backwards through a cornfield?
That's prison.
That's prison and half-baked to him.
That's amazing.
Yeah, he's one of a, I'll say this, one of a kind.
Yeah.
And you're top 60 or 70. Yeah.
That's good.
One of a kind, that man.
Yeah, there's no.
I never met anybody even at all like him.
Well, I think you have like a certain personality when you're on stage, especially that there's a unique, there's people who just go up there and deliver and they just have funny stuff.
Yeah.
And then there's a persona.
Like you have a persona, right?
You have like Harlan has that thing where he goes and says, and there's nobody like him.
Like you said, he's like, yeah, buddy, so I had this ant problem.
You know, I had the sand problem.
I had ants all over the place.
And so I got really upset.
So one day I went with a little bucket and I picked up all these little fuckers and I threw them into the pool.
Right?
And as they were drowned, I got this little tear in my eye.
You know, it's like getting emotional.
And I ran into the house and I grabbed a box of Cheerios and one by one, I threw them in the pool to rescue the.
Like, so, I mean, nobody, he talks about the most random shit.
And I was always like, God, I can never be that funny.
I can never do that.
And people are always like, just be you, man.
That's, I guess, the most important thing, right?
Yeah.
Just go up and be you.
Yeah, I think so, man.
Look, I mean, I don't know.
Like, I don't know.
I'm certainly curious to see, you know, whatever you create and do next.
You just seem to keep staying busy.
And I think everything comes out of that.
It's like, yeah, you know, if you just stay busy, things will happen.
Things, you know, get created and, you know, you get to do fun stuff.
And it's exciting, you know.
It's fucking them again, isn't it?
Yeah, they are loud.
Fighter and the kid?
Yeah.
Who's in there?
I don't know.
You should just bust in there after we yell at them.
Yeah, they're not going to be able to hear us.
Oh, man, I don't want to do this.
a waste of yelling.
Let me do this.
Let's see what they do.
Thank you.
That's the oldest.
Shut up!
We could hear you over here paying $1,400 a month.
Shut the front door!
Fighter and the kid!
You're both gonna get their ass kid!
One more word out of you!
And I'm gonna come over there and I'm roll your ass!
All right, it's Ray Liota, you fuck.
That ain't Will Sasso, that big fucking Flintstone.
Have you guys ever thought of soundproofing?
This is unprofessional!
You fucking kratom junkies!
Lay off the kratom, you creeps!
Those guys are always hopped up on all types of like rare uppers and stuff like GNC.
Yeah.
Oh, I drove past a GNC in Venice, and what's his name was out there before it opened, dude?
Callan?
Callan or both of them.
It was Shao by the way.
That's weird.
Showing up GNC before GNC opens.
I mean, I can understand a McDonald's for, you know, you're waiting for breakfast, but that's weird.
Who is it?
Don't you know who the fucking JS?
Who the fuck are you doing?
Oh, my God.
You look like we're getting over it.
What's up, dude?
They were telling us you were at the GNC before it opened one day.
I've been farting for you.
Hey, you guys have farts in here.
Dude, we've been over this, Brian.
Isn't that gorgeous?
Get older.
That's Brady Matthews, dude.
Damn it.
Brady Matthews.
Yep, the exact same thing you said last night.
He's an adult, dude.
Exact same thing you said last night.
Look at these.
Should we bully them or no?
Hang on.
Who's your guest?
You're looking at him, Bron.
Bron fucking guest.
Hey, I'll come over after, man.
I'll be your guest.
Oh, my God.
Is everything all right?
What the fuck do you want?
Everything's way okay, dude.
You want to break all your stuff?
Break up all your shit.
Dude, half this shit is your old shit.
Yeah, we'll break it.
Yeah.
I don't like the fucking plants.
Yeah.
Do you guys think you should do something about the sound thing?
Yeah, get your shit together.
You own another cubicle.
Damn, dude.
Bro, Brian started.
Really?
Brian's starting to look like your stepdad, dude.
Get your fucking life together, dude.
Well, look, bro.
You guys are in shape.
No, you're starting to look Croatian, bro.
You gotta fucking tighten up, dude.
Wow, you look third world, bro.
You look third world successful, dog.
You know what I'm saying, dude?
Yeah, no shit, bro.
No, don't say that.
no you look okay but the No, you look fine.
It's the rest of you, though.
You're ruining my podcast.
That's all I'm talking about.
What do you mean, the rest of me?
This shit is on, bro.
You tell fucking DeLeah if he Wants a strap to come and fucking get this bitch, dude.
Look at that strap.
Yeah, it's a fucking belt, you piece of shit.
And it only costs $182, you cheap fucks, dude.
What the fuck is this?
Huh?
That's a real knife.
You got a knife?
Yeah.
And come and get those wooden shoes some guy made for you one time.
Those are made out of solid wood, dude.
Yeah, there's a worm living in one of them.
All right, we won't.
Yeah, get your shit together, dude.
No.
Oh, that guy has asthma.
I'm a premature baby.
You got asthma?
That dude's a premature baby, dude.
Seven months, and look what he's doing.
Oh, my God.
Flex on him, bro.
Bro, he is flexing his snapshot.
I have a good body.
One more strong flex.
That dude's going to break his own back, dude.
He does a gun.
My bad, guys.
Get a fucking guest, huh?
You got him a huge cop.
Yeah, dude.
Get a guest, bro.
Get a guest.
Wow.
Back off the kratom.
Back off the kratom, you ace.
You ace.
Bro, your shirt, bro.
Dude, that shirt came with school supplies.
Get your fucking life together, dude.
Bro, that shirt is for a child.
That shirt is for a fat kid.
Yeah, I bet, dude.
Wow.
Does this happen every podcast?
No, it doesn't, bro.
Those guys are completely out of line, though.
That was fucked.
That was insane that they live right next door.
I mean, what are the odds of that?
Yeah.
Oh, it's happened before.
I mean, just, I mean, this is the first time they've come over and started shit, though.
Yeah.
We'll see.
That's just the beginning, man.
Yeah.
I hope it's the end.
Yeah.
But I think we can wrap it up, though, man.
It's been a great episode.
It's been fun as shit, man.
Yeah.
It's been great.
It's really fun.
You're going to be on mine.
Yeah.
I'm excited.
Yeah.
I'm excited too, man.
It's called Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum on iTunes.
It's very fun.
It is.
It's called Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum on iTunes.
And Jeannie Buss is coming on here.
You just had her on yours.
She was on, yeah.
Is she coming on yours?
Yeah.
Are you serious?
She's the best.
You gotta bring me up.
Well, the crazy thing is, is that, yeah, I just messaged her the other day and said, I'd love to have you on.
And then I'm looking through your guest and I was like, wow, what a smart guy.
Did Siri just start talking?
I don't know.
But Jeannie is, she's an awesome guest and she's like, she's so open to talking.
We talked about her life and shit.
She's great.
Did you guys ever date her?
No?
No, no, never, never, never.
She's always like a bad person.
She's a pretty lady.
She's a beautiful lady.
Very charming.
I think I mentioned Phil Jackson's cock on my podcast with her.
Really?
Yep.
I asked her if it was big.
What'd she say?
She said, just look at his hands.
She told me, she said, I wouldn't take it in the first round, but I drafted in the third or fourth.
That's what she said.
Really?
Yeah.
I think that's a compliment.
I don't think so.
There's only two rounds in an NBA draft, so that was a lucky insult.
Oh, there's only two drafts.
See, I don't know anything about basketball, so that is an insult.
How's that happening in Indiana?
I know, man.
I know, right?
That's true.
Thanks for watching where it started.
That's unlike you, Nick, to talk to me like that.
Who started in a schizophrenic?
Henry Worker.
I think it's the other bipolar or whatever.
Borderline.
Dude, that's Jimmy Chitwood country, isn't it?
And you fucking didn't even...
That's fucking Michael Jordan's state over.
Milo and Otis.
Yeah, that's Jimmy Dean down on the farm.
Oh, Bob Evans, dude.
Bob Evans down on the farm.
Fuck yeah, dude.
I had all that shit.
Yeah, Ku Klux Klan.
Yeah, well, I don't.
It was Indiana.
Was it?
Yeah, a lot of people blame the South, and I say it a lot.
I love Indiana, but, you know what I'm saying?
Take back your product.
We didn't start it.
Do you remember Pizza King?
Do you have Pizza King or Pizza Chef or Drothers?
Uh-uh.
We had somebody got killed outside of a Little Caesars one time.
Mr. Gaddy's.
Oh, we had Mr. Gaddy's.
Mr. Gaddy's.
I miss Melo Yellow, dude.
Melo Yellow.
Said?
Maybe some Pib.
Oh, yeah.
Dude, my buddy got a can of Mr. Pib one time, opened it.
It was so thick, it wouldn't even come out of the fucking can, bro.
How crazy is that?
Does he still drink it?
Huh?
He tried to suck some of it out.
That's awesome.
And that's America, dude.
That's America.
And I'm trying to think of anything else we wanted to cover.
Not much.
And you know Gianni, who does our booking, right?
Yeah, he's awesome.
I play ice hockey with him.
He's on Monday nights.
Yeah.
I didn't know he was an actor.
He doesn't sleep.
He's a good hockey player, though.
I watch his Instagram videos.
He lives with a bunch of little guys.
They're all like small.
How old is he?
26?
Or 40?
He looks like he has to be about 45. He could be about 40. If he dyed his hair on the sides, if he dyed it gray on the sides, he could easily be 40. Yeah, one of those old sort of...
Yeah, yeah.
A small Dutchman, a flying small Dutchman.
Nice guy, though.
Nice guy.
Definitely seemed like he'd be easy.
I've seen him naked.
Have you really?
Yeah.
Well, we were in the locker room.
Yeah.
With Tom.
Really?
No, no, I have.
Well, you know, we get changed in the locker room.
I didn't try to see him naked, but you're naked around guys, you know?
Yeah.
What round would you draft him in?
Yeah.
Oh, I really didn't look at it.
It was like, you know, those glances aren't even, they're kind of just peripheral moments that you just like block out.
You don't care.
It's just a dick.
It's another dick in the locker room.
It's true, especially as you get older.
Now, that's something that happens when you get older.
When you're young, you'll look and you'll take in that dick a little bit with your head.
Yeah, because it's an envy thing.
It doesn't have to be a gay thing.
But sometimes if you see a dick, you're like, God, man, why is this dick so big?
Gosh, why is my dick not as big as that?
You know, when you're younger and stuff, then you get older.
You're just like, I don't even care.
I have the dick that I have.
Dude, yeah, well, we had a black kid in our junior high school named Mr. Larry, right?
Or middle school, right?
He'd been in school.
He's a big dog on him.
Oh, he'd been in school 24 years, I think.
And this was back when they let you stay in school until you either got it or not.
They don't let you do that anymore?
No.
Or they gave you a job at the school, right?
So I remember he would fucking come in while people were there to piss her and he would piss over.
He would stand behind you.
And literally, he was so big, he could just piss right over you into the fucking urinal.
And that was like his big trick.
And then they gave him a job as a custodian, Mr. Larry, bro.
Mr. Larry just kept working there.
He was a student and then just kept working at the institution?
He was a student until he just, they're like, ah, fuck it.
You know what I'm saying?
You know, he's a staple of this organization.
We got to keep him.
Student, it ain't your thing, but you definitely.
And people like you, and you got a job.
And you got a huge cock and get pissed right over someone's shoulder.
Cocktown, bro.
All right.
That's a good name for this one: Cocktown.
Michael Rosenbaum, you can check out his podcast.
It's available on iTunes.
And Stitcher and every place that podcasts are available.
And also, a short film, horror film he just directed.
I directed this movie, a little short called Fade Into You at Screamfest, and have a movie called The Neighbor with Bill Fickner's out.
It's pretty cool.
Check it out.
I want to see that sorority boys.
I'm going to see the sorry.
Yeah, I think I dig that, man.
It's me and Harlan just being idiots.
And it's a lot of fun and ridiculous humor.
And my movie back in the day, I directed with Swartzen and Harland.
And Miranda Bakrin from Deadpool.
She's in it.
Yeah, back in the day.
I think if you like raunchy comedies, you'll fucking love it.
It's like good, good, good fun.
Farts, you see dicks, you see everything.
Yeah.
Well, we'll put all the links.
We'll put the links to a couple of those at the top so people can check them out.
Thanks, bro.
I loved it, man.
Yeah, I had a good time.
Good to be here.
I wish I looked better.
With you, you look good.
You actually, you've evolved since you got here.
Really?
Thank God, man, because I was.
You came in at probably an eight.
You're walking out at probably a strong eight.
Would I walk in like five?
I walked in as an eight.
How did I walk out as an eight?
You did it.
Now I'm just floating on the breeze.
And I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
I must be cornerstone.
Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this piece of mind I found.
I can feel it in my bones.
But it's gonna take a little time for me to set that parking break and let myself all mine shine that light on me.
I'll sit and tell you my stories Shine on me And I will find a song without you We'll sing it just for you We'll be right back.
And I've been moving way too fast on a runaway train with a heavy load of my ladies and gentlemen.
I'm Jonathan Kite and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
The answer may shock you.
Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
Sometimes I won't.
And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
You have three new voice messages.
A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else.
So great.
Hi, Sui.
Is it there?
Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.
John Main.
I'll take a quarter pot of cheese and a McFlurry.
Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.
Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
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