Recording from Raleigh. Music “Every Night” - Jameson Flood http://bit.ly/EveryNight_JamesonFlood Support Our Sponsors Beardbrand http://bit.ly/Beard_Brand Use this link or beardbrand.com/theo for a free Sea Salt Spray automatically added to your order Goyayas http://bit.ly/Goyayas Greyblock Pizza http://bit.ly/GreyBlock Submit a video question on LiveRaise’s Fan Line: http://bit.ly/LiveRaiseFanLine Theo Von/This Past Weekend Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/theovon Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theovon/ https://www.instagram.com/thispastweekend_/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheoVon Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theo.von Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend/ Reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/TheoVon/ Dates August 4 Skyway Theatre Minneapolis, MN August 16-18 Laugh Factory Chicago, IL September 14-15 Zanies Nashville, TN September 20-24 Just for Laughs Toronto October 18-20 Skyline Comedy Club Appleton, WI November 1-3 Helium Comedy Club Buffalo, NY November 9-10 Wise Guys Salt Lake City, UT Nov 30 & Dec 1 Comedy Loft Washington DC Carolina Gunters Patreon Gunt Squad: Alaskan Rock Vodka Renee Nicol Angelo Raygun Matthew Snow Ryan Sweatman The Asian Hamster Megan Andersen-Hall Stephanie Claire Ryan Wolfe Carla Huffman Travis Vowell J.T. Hosack Austin Kehler Addison Ardolino thatdudewiththepaperbag Meghan LaCasse Nyx Ballaine Alta Jacob Rice Jonny Zaz Mark Bentley Kiera Parr James Hunter Jerry Zhang Gabriel Almeda Ryan Crafts Amanda Sherman Brett Jones justin marcoux Christopher Stath Bryan Reinholdt Niko Ferrandino Paddy jay Thee shitfaced chef Paul Flores Tommy Redditt Casey Rudesill Gunt Squad Gary Joey Desrosiers Cody Kenyon Kirk Cahill Philip James Michael E. Ganzermiller Scott Owen Lide Mitchell Watson Matthew Azzam Justin L Jeremy West Kenton call Steve Corlew Nick Butcher Megan Daily Ken Melvin Old McTronald Matt Kaman Tom Kostya Mike Vo Micky Maddux Sam Illgen Ben Limes Stepfan Jefferies David Smith Logan Yakemchuk Aidan Duffy MEDICATED VETERAN Dan Ray Audrey Harlan kristen rogers Josh Cowger Kelly Elliott Dwehji Majd Jason Haley Jameson Flood Jason Bragg Christopher Christensen Scott Lucy Ben Deignan Cody Cummings Shannon Schulte Aaron Stein Stacy Blessing Andy Mac Campbell Hile John Kutch Adriana Hernandez Jeffrey Lusero Alex Hitchins Joe Dunn Kennedy Joey Piemonte Robyn Tatu Beau Adams Yoga Shawn-Leigh henry Laura Williams Alex Person Mona McCune Suzanne O'Reilly Chad Saltzman James Bown Brian Szilagyi Arielle Nicole Greg H Calvin Doyle Jacob Ortega Jesse Witham Andrea Gagliani Scott Swain William Morris Qie Jenkins Aaron Jones Jon Ross Kevin Best Haley Brown Ned Arick J Garcia Lauren Cribb Ty Oliver Tom in Rural NC Christian from Bakersfield Matt Holland Charley Dunham Casey RobertsSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Hey guys, before I start today's episode, I just want to let you know, so you know, you'll see in the episode I changed church if you're watching on YouTube, because I started the episode and then I had to go do the show in Raleigh, my last show on Sunday night, and then I had to come back.
I know maybe you guys don't care, but what I realized while I was at the show was that, you know, I hadn't taken my antidepressants in about three, tomorrow morning will be my fourth day.
And some of you guys, if you don't take antidepressants, you don't care.
You don't know.
That's fine.
But for me, man, you know, I get kind of chirped out.
You know, I'm fine, but I just get a little bit of, you know, I get a little bit of emo nemo.
You know, I start kind of swimming around in my feelings too much.
So it's not a disclaimer or anything, but I did notice, you know, before I was leaving for the show that I was just kind of, you know, just kind of stressed out.
It's just been a long week.
And then when you don't have that support, your training wheels are gone.
It can get a little tricky.
But love you guys, and let's get into the episode.
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All right.
Let's get that hitter live from Raleigh, North Carolina.
Raleigh, Raleigh, Raleigh.
Let's rely on ourselves to get through this episode.
Onward, baby.
It was me.
There you go.
That's Jameson Flood with Every Night.
Every night I lie awake.
Every night I put on a, I feel like a fake.
I put on a show.
Interesting lines there.
You know, interesting lyrics.
Interesting notes for years, boy.
Interesting little sound bites.
Just things to think about.
You know, what's going on?
I'm here from Raleigh, North Carolina.
Dude, this one's coming to you by sunlight.
I put this thing up by sunlight.
Usually I put up the lamps and I take this thing in the evening, but I still have another show to do.
I got a show I got to be at.
And literally, I'll be on stage in one hour from now.
So a lot of you guys are like, well, it's going to be a short episode.
It might be.
It might be that tiny dancer.
You know, this might be a mouse.
You know, this might not be a lemur.
This might not be a leopard.
This might be a mouse.
But it might be a circus mouse.
Well, yeah, he might have a little bit of a circus mouse.
Because some people, you know, a lot of mice can't do the shows.
And a lot of mice are powerful.
You know?
And if a mice gets electrocuted enough, he could be a rat.
So sometimes you don't need that leopard.
You think you need that leopard, but you need that fucking shifty mouse.
Sometimes you get that mouse, that little Brazilian jiu-jitsu fucking little, you know, that dirty little midget marsupial.
You know, that crafty little fucking cheese snacker.
Think about them, dude, a mouse?
A lot of people talk about fancy animals, you know, they talk about, you know, everybody's always talking about the polar bears and shit like that.
Animals we don't even see, bruh.
We don't know anything about the polar bears, dude.
What are you talking about?
There's a couple pictures of them.
Their hair is always yellow because I guess a lot of them look like they, I think they smoke cigarettes.
You know, and so a lot of the smoke gets on your mustache like your granddaddy used to have when he'd, you know, blow them Winstons and that smoke would get all, you know what I'm saying?
If you didn't have a granddaddy with a yellow mustache and a little bit of light green tinge on his cheeks, then maybe you didn't have a real granddaddy.
But yeah, man, a lot of animals, they're fancy animals out there.
You know, a lot of big animals and people talk about, you know, chimpanzees, you know, bonobos, you know, meer cats and the like, you know, Komodo dragons.
But a lot of people, nobody wants to give credit to a mouse.
Think about a fucking mouse, dude.
A mouse, dude, a mouse could be anywhere right now.
What's in your sofa?
What's living in your sofa?
A fucking leopard?
Doubt it.
Maybe a mouse.
You know, a mouse have so many small practices.
Mouse love cheese.
We love cheese.
You don't think there's some, you know, you have so much more, you can relate to a mouse so much more than you can so many other animals.
Sometimes you get scared.
Mice get scared.
You know, mice don't like cats.
A lot of people don't like cats.
You know, but sometimes you want these big animals.
You want these fancy hitters, but all you need is that mouse.
You need something small.
You need something.
You just need something.
You know, you got to keep it small.
Aim small, miss small.
You know, I don't want to keep it big.
I'm trying to stay focused.
It's been nice here in Raleigh, Raleigh.
Well, first of all, you guys should have a meeting and decide how you're going to pronounce your city.
Raleigh, Raleigh.
Some guy said it like that.
I'm like, dude, that's not a name.
You got fucking, dude, you got a dull asthma, son.
You might have water in your lungs, baby.
You got them fucking Titanics in your chest, dude.
Your shit's sinking.
You know what I'm saying?
You might want to tell the band to keep playing because you fucking going down with your own fucking, with your own breathe ship.
You know, you got them fucking inner body bags, those breath shuttles, and your shit's filling up with water.
He's like, welcome to Raleigh, North Carolina.
Like, bro, you need to get checked out.
Or you don't even need to get checked out.
Just know that your shit is, you got some fucking interior leaks going on.
You know, just know that when you have a glass of water, probably about 6% of it ends up in your lungs.
Just know how, you know, know what your intake is like.
But it's been nice here.
What's been going on?
You know, sometimes I get amped up and sometimes I get more amped down.
You know, sometimes I get like a tiger.
Sometimes I feel like a loud animal.
And sometimes I just feel a little bit more like a mouse.
You know, and I like being a mouse, I think.
You know, because a mouse, you know, a squeak is pretty specific.
A mouse can't make a lot of sounds.
You know, a mouse can make a squeak.
So you have to be very, you got to be specific.
You got to try and be articulate.
You know, you have to try and be effective.
You know, people are, I say people, and I'm really, I say people, I'm talking about myself.
I just don't want to feel alone.
So a lot of times I'll say people or I'll say we.
But I, man, I think there's going to start to be people, I, here I do it again.
I think that silence, that peace is going to, that it's all going to start to become so much more of a commodity.
Like, you know, like back in the old days, it used to be like, oh, there's gold in those hills over there.
And people would show up to go get the gold.
But, you know, I feel like in 10 years, it's going to be like, oh, there's no advertisements over in those hills over there.
Or there's no, you know, no, no, there's no, you know, backhanded marketing over there in that cave over there.
There's no loud noises that you don't want.
There's no constant music, constant sounds, constant just loudness.
There's peace of mind over there.
That's the new gold, that peace of mind.
You know, it used to be a gold mine, M-I-N-E, and now it's peace of mind.
You know what I'm saying?
I'll be in there all day with a pickaxe just trying to get a fucking moment of solitude, a moment of silence, a moment of just a moment of that.
A moment of mouse.
Because, man, they got, it's a lot of tigering.
It's a lot of tigering.
They got a lot of false tigers out there scratching at you and trying to get our attention.
They got a lot of, you know, crazy cats over here dancing and dancing.
Next thing, I've been watching this cat for tears, and this cat ain't doing anything for me.
But here I am yelling at you.
And I'm not trying to preach about things.
I don't know what I'm thinking about.
When you get down here in the south, man, and you get lifted up.
You get the spirit.
This is Andy Griffith country.
A lot of people don't know Andy Griffith.
He was from Mount Ari.
Where is he from?
Andy Griffith.
He's from, I believe it's Ari.
I don't know how you pronounce it.
Andy Grivell.
He's from right around here.
He went to UNC.
He's from Mount Ari, North Carolina.
Andy Griffith.
He had a children, Andy Griffith Jr. and Dixie and Dixie Griffith.
And he died in Manteo, North Carolina, July 3rd.
And he was born in June and he died in July.
And so, you know, he must have been a shot of light and a shot of warmth because he showed up in the summer and left in the summer.
And that wasn't a winter man.
But Andy Griffith, one of the best storytellers ever.
You know, you can still find a lot of his stuff on YouTube.
And if you really go looking.
And some of my favorite storytellers, Jerry Clower out of Yazoo City, Mississippi.
Still one of the greatest albums ever sold.
You go look on albums sold all time.
And it was a small man out of Yazoo, Mississippi.
One of the greatest storytellers of our time.
And you know what?
I felt a little Inspired, man.
You know, I like telling stories, and I get inspired by men like that and Andy Griffith.
And we went to the park.
I went to the park over there with my buddy Kevin.
My buddy Sneaky Kevin showed up, and I t-shirt Kevin, they call him.
And I met him.
Him and his brother were, you know, drinking beer and playing Skill Crane, trying to win stuffed animals on a cruise ship.
And I saw that man.
I said, damn, boy.
And they're probably in their 40s or even their 60s.
I don't fucking know, bro.
You know what I'm saying?
Even when you look at them, you don't know what's going on with them really, you know, calendarically, age-wise.
But I saw those two gentlemen playing a skilled crane, drinking canned beer, trying to win stuffed animals, man.
And I said, fuck.
I got to talk to these guys right here.
You know, because these guys are on to something.
These guys are on to something.
Trying to win a real quiet little bear or a fucking, you know, a little pink giraffe, man, when they in their 40s or 50s or 60s.
And their brothers come out.
What's going on?
Call the cops, bro.
Call the cops because these boys are coming in a little bit fucking a little bit illegally.
Yeah, the sun's going down.
I'm looking out the window right now.
I'm seeing some pine trees.
Dude, they put me up in a fancy place.
Dang.
Dude, I turned on the fucking...
That's how this place is.
You're like, damn, this fucking...
They have curtains and then they have a curtain outside of the curtain.
And then they have a thick, thick, thick curtain.
I don't know what that's for.
I think if you're going to kill somebody, it's like a Dexter.
It's like drawing them Dexter shades, dude.
Once you draw the heavy ones, I mean, these are some really violent animals.
You know, when it comes to curtains, these are the fucking, you know, these are them, you know, these are the, when it comes to curtains, these are, what are they like, probably?
They're probably like the dark night.
These are the bane of curtains.
You know, these are some, when other curtains, I bet a lot of other curtains fold up when they see these hitters showing up.
And they, yeah, they got three curtains.
So you could, and the water, the water looks so fresh out of the tap.
This shit's going down the drain.
You're like, fuck, I want to bucket this shit up and take it home.
You know, I might go get me some of those big jugs that they have in office buildings.
And I might take a lot of this damn tap water home.
This shit is nice.
Dude, you ever been in a hotel room?
It's so expensive, I can't even sleep.
I said, fuck, this hotel room, it's like $400 a night.
So I ain't sleeping.
If I even sleep, that's going to cost me $160.
I'm just going to stay up and at least watch my money go by.
This hotel room is nice, man.
They have a...
They have like a...
They have extra soap.
And the soap is all wrapped up in like a little package.
Like, damn, like this soap won an award.
Like, this fucking soap won an Espy.
You know what I'm saying?
Like this little bar of Lavenderia, you know, body wash, this thing fucking caught a fly ball, you know, to win the, to win the championship.
It's, yeah, it's just nice, man.
It's a nice place out here.
And so it's just a little different.
You know, I'm used to staying a little bit more regular places, but I'm grateful that this club put me up.
And I'm grateful to everybody that came out, man.
We sold this weekend out.
And you guys came out.
And you know what?
I'll be honest.
Sometimes I don't really maybe flex in some of this way, but I'm going to say this shit.
Dude, you got to thank you for continuing to support.
Go support good comics.
Don't let these networks and this bullshit and these talk shows that it's all paid for and all these guests, they try to make it seem authentic and it's not real.
Don't let them tell you what is funny.
Don't let them, you know, don't let them.
They can influence you in the entertainment, right?
They can influence you and they can show you and you can have some joy.
But don't, when those people start pushing their beliefs and stuff on you, that's when it gets scary.
You know, because then that's that bait and switch.
So, and I, I mean, and maybe that's the shit I do.
I don't know.
Maybe I'm doing the same.
I have no fucking idea, man.
But I was just, it's just, I don't know.
I just feel so much gratitude at people coming out.
And, you know, because I work my ass off.
I love doing this job.
I love making people feel good.
And I feel like it's a responsibility that I have if I can do it.
You know, if I can make people laugh and I can make, you know, you know, that's a gift I have.
I don't, you know, this is, I don't do, I didn't make my world.
You know, I didn't create the world.
I didn't bring myself, you know, I didn't bring myself into the world.
You know, I've been here navigating this vessel I'm on, you know, with a lot of help from my friends, boy.
Fucking Bob Seger country in my life.
Or Jerry Seger.
Whatever that guy's name is.
Yeah.
But fuck, I forgot I was talking about, dude.
Damn, man.
Sometimes I hate thinking, bruh.
Because when you think, dude, if you start a thought, and you start talking, dude, the second I start talking, I get far away from my thought.
Then I'm just lost, bruh.
And when it comes to chatting, man, I'm like that Hansel and Gretel, baby.
I better take a couple of bags of bread crumbs with me into a conversation or into even a long sentence because I don't want not know where the fuck I started.
But I guess I was just thinking, yeah, so many people came out, you know, and it made me feel good.
And if I have the ability to make people laugh, right, then, yeah, that's not my ability.
Like, it's, you know, it's something that I do, but it's not, I don't know.
I just feel like, you know, I don't know.
I just feel, I'm just grateful people came out.
And I'm happy to be the one, you know, being one of the comedians.
I'm happy to be one of the people doing it.
But yeah, this is somebody else.
You know, this is from a different, I'm just a conduit.
I've said this before, but I'm just, you know, I'm just whatever's bringing, if people are laughing, I'm just, you know, part of the river that's bringing that into the world.
That's all I am.
You know, and I guess I just feel like when people come out and, but, but, you know, like, I just want, you know, there's a lot, I have a lot of friends that are great comedians that don't get as much respect as they do because, you know, a lot of these networks and stuff, they don't put them out there.
They don't even know.
Man, you talk to some of these executives.
They don't even fucking know.
I'm like, you haven't heard of this guy?
That guy has been killer for nine years.
You don't know him?
But I'm just saying, you know, we just got to make our own choices.
And sometimes we have to look past what's on the regular shit.
You know, we got to find out and people got to send stuff to us.
And I don't know.
I guess I'm getting preachy now.
I'm sorry.
But it's been fun.
Man, I had so much fun.
So many people came out.
People came out.
Man, I had a dude that flew in.
It was his birthday.
You know, my dude just got a couple years sober and he invited me out to a meeting and I couldn't make it because I haven't been sleeping well.
We had a single mom come out, Nancy.
You know, she came out and she has a little child, a little two-year-old.
And, you know, her sister brought her out and her sister flew in just for the show to bring her out to the show.
You know, and we treated her out and we're going to take care of her dinner and stuff like that.
And, you know, next time I'm going to have to go with the single mom in the, you know, and not in a lewd way.
You know what I'm trying?
I'm not trying to become that stepdaddy unless I grow a sweet mustache boy.
But yeah, it was just cool, man.
It's just, there's so much love going on in the building.
And I want to thank our Patreon supporters who helped make that a reality, the single mom stuff.
And we're going to start doing some other outreach stuff.
I'm trying to find a business planner who knows more about philanthropic type of stuff so we can do some more, so we can do neat stuff.
And I'm going to get a cameraman in different cities.
I'll say that now.
If you're in a different city coming up and you know how to operate a camera decently, don't fucking look.
If you show up with a 35 millimeter or you show up with an easel and some paints and shit, we ain't got time for that.
But if you do a production company or something that's small, look, this ain't no big budget thing.
But we'd love to be able to create some cool video elements of like, you know, maybe we take a single mom out and do something fun for her or do something fun for the kids or I don't know.
Or do some other outreach ideas.
You know, so we're going to figure out some more stuff, but I'm going to try to find a business person who knows just a little bit more how to do that because there's only so much I can think about without still being able to do, you know, the work.
So anyway, I don't know why I'm talking about all this.
I'm not even being entertaining, but I'm sorry about that.
I know this is an entertainment podcast, man.
I've been just all over the place.
Dude, I haven't been sleeping well since I got back from China.
I've just been stressed out, man.
You know, it just takes a lot of, you know, and I'm grateful everybody comes out, but this, I never realized how much energy this stuff, you know, a lot of this takes, you know?
And then I feel like a responsibility, you know, like I guess, and maybe this is something that's wrong with me, you know, I think this may be some defect I have.
You know, I just feel like a responsibility to, you know, I guess, man, I don't know, this just got me feeling.
This just got me kind of emotional, and I don't know what I'm talking about.
I mean, I just want to like, you know, I guess here's what I'm saying is like, if I have like, you know, say I have the ability to do comedy or to tell stories or whatever, whatever it is, man, you know, or this gift, whatever gift I have that was given to me by whatever higher powers are out there, you know, I guess I just want to best be able to use my ability to, you know, to do, I guess, good stuff or to help other people.
And I know, I'm not trying to be cheesy or anything, but that's suddenly it becomes for me like a lot of pressure.
You know, like I don't know, you know, and I know I'm doing, I know I'm like being like, you know, we do, you know, I know we're trying to do like a lot of neat stuff, but it's just like, it's just a lot, man.
You know, and I got my producer, Nick Davis and Chris Perez and those dudes are working there, you know, they're not even getting paid that much.
And, you know, they're working way, you know, they're working overtime.
Everybody's working, you know, it's, but we want to do good stuff.
I don't know what I'm saying, man.
I just, you know, I guess I just don't want to fail.
I don't want to fail myself, but I don't want to fail like whatever ability that I have.
You know, I don't want to fail like whatever gifts or ability that I have to do good or to be or to help others.
I don't want to like, I don't want to like not be present to miss like an opportunity to do that.
And so I guess suddenly I've just been feeling like a lot of fear, like I don't know what I'm doing.
You know, because you do it for years and people aren't, they don't see you.
You know, you're just a mouse.
And then people show up and suddenly they and suddenly you feel like you're supposed to be a cat, I guess.
You feel like you're supposed to be a mountain lion.
You know, or an Aardvark that's, you know, also fucking doing some dirty shit on the side.
And fucking, you know, he's supposed to be just doing Aardvark shit, but low-key at night, he's doing fucking, you know, monkey type stuff and fucking, you know, you know, dangerous animal shit.
You know, maybe hang gliding or something like that.
Fucking shit, you know, butterfly type activities.
But, but yeah, so then people show up and you feel like, you know, you're supposed to be a cat, but then I still feel like a mouse.
But then maybe I just, you know, it's okay to be a mouse.
I don't know.
It's just been a weird fucking week, man.
I know this episode's all over the place.
This is what happens when I'm on the road.
When I'm not in the studio, dude, I've been losing it.
You know, but literally, like, I get home and I haven't been able to sleep to like three or four, you know, and then I wanted to go.
Like, I even got a rental car this weekend.
My mother went to Duke University and it's right down the road from here.
And she graduated with honors, you know, I think second in her class.
You know, and so like, you know, my whole life, my mom has been like a delivery person, you know, like she was in sales when I was real little, but then after that, you know, just delivering papers and delivering magazines and all of that.
And so I guess, I don't know, I'm fucked man.
I'm getting, this shit's, you know, I wanted to go see her college where she went to school because I know she was like real proud of that.
And then I didn't get to go because I just haven't been able to sleep and then I just haven't been feeling that.
So then during the day, I'm just stressed, you know, it's like I'm just stressed and I'm trying to sleep all day, but just because I haven't slept.
So anyway, I'm not trying to complain to you guys.
I don't fucking know.
But yeah, I guess I just, you know, I think this place got me feeling kind of emotional because my mom went to college here and, you know, she went to law school.
You know, she did stuff like that.
And then she had four kids and she couldn't like, you know, she probably couldn't use a lot of her dreams and abilities that she wanted to because she had to raise her kids.
You know, so I guess I feel, I guess I feel, I don't feel like responsible that she didn't get to like do some of the things she wanted to do, but I feel, I guess I feel like I don't feel like ashamed.
I guess I feel like, you know, I feel like she sacrificed for me, so I want to be able to, you know, just like not let her down.
You know, so.
So, yeah, I'm just bumped because I didn't get to drive over there and see the college because, and it's only 20 minutes away, and I've never even been around here before.
And I wanted to go.
So I just, I don't know, man.
Shit, fuck.
I'm just not doing that well.
I mean, I'm doing well.
You know, I just have like a lot of my mind and like a lot of my heart.
So, and then I just, you know, I just like, when I get stressed out and stuff, I don't handle it that well.
You know, I don't, I don't take care of myself super good.
You know, so I come home last night and, you know, next thing you know, I'm like, you know, I'm just, I'm just, like, I don't know if I'm like disappointed.
I don't know what I am.
But then I'll like, you know, I get into the dark arts, man.
I'll do math, you know, I do, you know, I do masturbation or whatever.
You know, I'm out there jerking out.
You know, and it's just like, and then I just feel like just such a failure.
You know, dude, there's nothing sadder, bro.
When you were a dude and you just fucking jerked off and you didn't want to, damn, bro.
That shit will make you feel, make you feel kind of weak sometimes.
So, but man, so many great people came out.
I don't even know if I should put this episode out.
Now I got myself all over the place, man.
So many great people came out.
We had fun.
You know, we really had fun.
Let's get to a couple calls.
Some calls came in.
Videos came in, dude.
A lot of stuff came in.
But thank you to everybody that came out in Raleigh.
Rah-lay-er.
Rah-rah-rah-rah-rah-rah.
*Gasps*
You know, just thank you to everybody that came out, man.
I appreciate the support.
You know, man, I saw trying to go through some of the people that came out.
But we went and saw the Andy Griffith statue at Pullman Park.
That's one thing I was trying to remember because I love Andy Griffith.
And I'm just saying one of the things that makes me mad sometimes, and I say this kind of shit about Hollywood is, but they don't, where's the storytellers at?
You know what I'm saying?
Hollywood will come to Atlanta and they'll come to these different cities in New Orleans and, you know, to make these easy ass shows, you know, to take advantage of, you know, to get, you know, the best parts of us.
But they're not putting any of the storytellers out there on the stages.
Half the people I know in the South, in the Midwest, in any small town, I'm not just being specific.
Dude, I'm not a redneck.
People, Samurai, I'm not a fucking redneck, dude.
I never had any of that shit.
You know what I'm saying?
But I'm just from a poor place.
I'm from a regular place.
And everybody I know, their uncle or their grandfather or their great uncle could be one of the best storytellers of all time.
So sometimes I guess, you know, what I was saying about, that makes me mad sometimes about, or I'm saying choose, you know, find where your entertainment is best, is I get mad that I know that there's, you know, I'm on the road and I hear people start telling stories and I'm like, damn, man, can I have an element of that story?
This is the greatest story I've ever heard.
But instead, I got to listen to some, you know, late night joke writer that somebody's trying to turn into a, you know, who don't have any fucking, who's never lived through anything.
And I got to listen to this motherfucker, you know, for 20 years.
You're telling me you can't find somebody from a rural part of America who can entertain people?
You know?
There's tons of them out there.
And so that's what I'm saying.
As audience members, as people, we got to find, You know, if we take what they give us all the time, if we take that, just, you know, then that's where we're going to be.
I don't know.
And now I'm fucking preaching again.
I'm sorry.
I'm fucking sorry, dude.
I'm sitting here in my underpants, bro.
A little while ago, I got teared up.
You ever find yourself getting teared up?
And next thing you know, I'm literally wiping my eyes with a dirty pair of socks that was fucking in the room.
Dude, you ever do that shit?
You find yourself, if you get on the phone, you get caught up.
And next thing you know, you look in your hand and you have like a fucking stapler or a pack of cheese or something.
You're like, what the fuck?
You get into that phone or that conversation zone, that Twilight Zone.
And next thing you know, you come to and you got, you know, you got a couple of hot Skittles in your hand and you're like, what the fuck?
I don't even eat candy.
But yeah, man, there's a lot of magic in some of these areas.
There's a lot of magic in places like this in Raleigh.
And Raleigh.
Reminds me of Raleigh Coleman.
One of my assistant principals, man, who had a Jerry curl.
And I'll say this right now.
You know, he had some African-American fans that came out, some, you know, some black fans that came out this week.
And I'll say this.
One of my young bucks came out.
This dude had a pick.
He had that afro.
And I said, look, man, you grow a jerry curl.
You can open for me for the rest of your life.
You know, when I'm close to you, you can open for me for the rest of your life, man.
Because I don't see why people don't grow the Jerry Curl.
Dude, Raleigh Coleman said he had that J Curl boy and he'd sleep in the trunk of his car at recess, man.
And he was the vice presid.
And that dude would just cut off and get him a little, he'd have a little, you know, split him up a little sandwich, a little cuts of ham or something.
You know, maybe a little thing of Del Moni, a can.
Now they got all these snack packs and this and that.
Oh, you want the gogurt, squeeze go-gurt in your mouth?
You squeezing fucking packets of fucking dairy in your mouth, dude?
What's wrong with you?
When I was young, you had that can, boy.
My mom used to send us to school with a can of fucking pears and no opener, bitch.
You want lunch?
You gonna have to earn it.
You know what I'm saying?
Next thing you know, I'm wandering around school by the welding area, by the home economics, you know.
I'm trying to get to know somebody just so I can fill my stomach.
Now these kids got this snack panks.
Nine different flavors.
What the fuck?
Come on.
Come on, man.
But yeah, I don't know, man.
I guess I'm just frustrated.
And then I get home and next thing you know, I'm just, you know, I just, sometimes it makes me, I get upset with myself because I don't have a lot of good processes, like daily routines in my life right now because things have gotten pretty erratic.
I don't have a lot of daily routines right now.
Usually I do.
And right, just the past month, really, they've been slipping because of just a lot of on the go.
And so it just makes me feel unsettled, you know.
It's kind of like having roller skates on.
When you got your skates on, you're going around the rink.
It kind of makes sense.
But right now, I feel like I'm still going around the rink, but I don't have my skates on.
But I'm still going around the rink.
So it's weird because I'm still going, but I don't have my skates.
You know, so I just got to get my skates, you know, I just got to get my skates G'd up.
Yeah, let's cut a call or two, man.
Here's one that came in right here.
Hey, Theo, this is Brandon from Tennessee.
So I had a little car troubles and my bearing broke in the middle of a busy intersection.
I just want to tell you about the compassion this guy had for me.
Okay, so you had a car broke in the busy intersection, dude.
I'll tell you this.
One time I was in an automobile and it was my own and it was a Ford escort, bro.
And it didn't even have a passenger seat.
So I had that car.
If you came to pick somebody up and they got in in the passenger side, they had to just walk directly into the back.
It was a Ford or Ford escort, boy.
The gray goose.
Been in countless accidents, dude.
You know what I'm saying?
If you had a nice car, sometimes if I saw a rich person's nice car parked at night, my car was all fucked up.
I just hit their fucking car, boy.
Ta-da!
Fucking checkmate, baby.
You know what I'm saying?
A little bit of headlight hockey, daddy, you know?
A little bit of smooch, bro.
A little bit of panel fucking.
A little bit of side panel sex, baby, because I got nothing to lose.
This Ford Escort cost me $1,300, baby, baby.
And I keep the plates in the back seat.
But anyway, what happened to me was one time my car ran out of gas because I've run out of gas countless times.
Probably 30, 40 times, because I didn't know that people didn't run out of gas.
And my car ran out of gas.
And then the next thing you know, I'm listening to the football game.
So I need to get help because I need to get help to get the car out of the road.
But the game was at a crucial moment.
So I stayed there in a busy intersection, dude, and ruined people's lives for probably another 30 minutes, bro.
I call sheer hellfire.
And that's just because them New Orleans Saints was doing all right.
And so I enjoyed that moment.
But go on.
When he saw that I was broke down, he came out and helped, and he let me borrow his jack.
And obviously, my band was broke.
We couldn't get out of the road.
So cops came and they called a tow truck.
And, you know, money's been a little tie here lately.
So the tow truck was $175.
Yeah, tow truck, and they're expensive.
Man, so you're there.
The tow truck shows up.
Sorry, I was on my phone too for a second, but I got to go.
The show's starting in four minutes, and I'm going to have to leave in a few minutes.
And then I'll try to come back and do a little bit more of the episode.
You guys won't know that because I'm just going to, you know, it'll be all together by the time I post it.
But anyhow, anyhow, so you stranded out there.
You got this $175 tow thing.
And tow trucks, you charging too much.
You know that shit, don't you?
You know it.
I mean, you know it, though, right?
Onward.
And this guy that I had just met, he walks back to his truck, comes back up to me, and he has a water cash in his hand.
He clips in my hand, gives me a hug, and he's like, man, it's your lucky day.
He gave me $180 to pay for this tow truck.
And, you know, it just really resonated with me, man.
Like, just the kindness of that guy, that's a stranger.
So, I don't know.
I just wanted to share my story, and it really got me thinking how I'm going to have to pay that board, and how I just want to spread kindness and love to a lot of other people.
That doesn't happen every day, and there's still good people in this world.
Hey, man, I'm going to come see you in Nashville.
I love you, man.
Thanks, man.
I appreciate you telling me that story.
Man, that story made me feel good.
You know, that man went and got a wad of cash and came back and gave it to you.
$180.
You know, and he didn't leave you at $175.
He just, you know, he knew there might be tax.
He knew there might be a little wiggle room.
Maybe you get you a little soda after.
You know, maybe you get over there and get you a little pineapple soda if they're selling something at the tow truck place or whatever.
Because you know those motherfuckers sell some weird shit at tow truck places.
Dude, come out, have a fucking cherry cheesecake, bitch.
Y'all doing towing?
And now you got these $3 fucking hits of fucking cheesecake.
What y'all doing?
Selling pineapple sodas out here?
It can get weird at a tow truck facility.
But man, that's crucial.
You know, you had a crucial moment there where somebody made you feel good.
And now here's the challenge I find.
For me, here's my challenge.
Or here's the challenge for me.
Somebody does something good for me, and I say, oh man, I'm going to do something for somebody else.
And then you know what?
I go right back to being who I was.
I go right back to forgetting.
You know, my faith falls apart.
My faith even in just that I'm going to be that different person.
And so we got to practice it, man.
We got to practice it, whatever it is.
You know, they say faith without works is dead.
And it's true.
You know, and I think maybe that's a part of, and, you know, not to bring it back to me, but that's something that I've been feeling.
It's just so funny you call about this because I just feel like, you know, I have my faith, but I'm just not working it as much.
And that doesn't mean in, it doesn't just mean a faith in a higher power, but that means a faith in anything, a faith in myself, a faith in, you know, my morning practices, my morning routines, a faith in that my behavior is going to be consistent.
If I don't work it, it is not going to be that way.
But man, it sounds like not only did he give you $180, but he gave you...
He gave you a hope.
He gave you something that can grow.
You know?
He gave you.
Man, it feels good, man.
You know what's crazy about doing something good for somebody?
You telling me that story right there, that story made me feel good.
That story made me feel good.
And it didn't even happen to me.
I mean, that's powerful.
And I don't just say the shit's powerful.
I can feel it.
You don't just feel shit that isn't real.
You know?
So, on a very emotional episode of this past weekend, thank you for calling, though, man, and putting that out there.
$180.
That's a lot.
You know, it's a lot, dude.
That's like three hours of sleep in this hotel room, man.
Dude, this fucking thing, bruh.
They got a clock over there.
It's not even set on regular time.
They have one clock on regular time and another clock on a different fucking time.
And that's when you know it's a fancy hotel room.
When they got one clock shows you what time it is and another clock just doing its own fucking thing.
You know what I'm saying?
It's 7.30 in the evening right now.
It's 7.31.
And then they got a clock over there.
Says it's 11 a.m.
That bitch is fucking on vacation.
And that's when you know the hotel room is nice.
They got four different kinds of soap in there.
One of them for your face, bruh.
And one of them's for your body.
What?
You telling me these motherfuckers can't work together?
Damn, you know it's expensive hotel room when they got soap beef.
They out in these fucking sud streets.
These bitches can't get along.
They out here spitting bars, bruh.
Diss tracks, dropping bars, bars.
They got them dirty bars.
And they are bars.
Bitch, y'all are soaps, okay?
Face, fucking shoulders, whatever.
You know what I'm saying?
Get it together.
Y'all need to team up and work together, man.
Life is too short for one of y'all to be doing above the neck and one of y'all below.
And one of y'all doing only behind.
You know, leg soap.
What's next, huh?
What's next?
Leg soap?
What is next?
That fucking little elbow special bar?
Team up and work together, man.
That's the kind of shit you get in these fancy hotel rooms.
You know?
Too much is too much.
All right.
I got to go do this comedy set, and I'll be back in just a little bit, man.
You won't know it because you guys are just listening.
You know, you won't know it, but I'll know it.
I'm going to go get in a car and drive over there, then I'll come back and finish up this episode.
Love you.
All right.
And I don't know why I'm telling you that.
But just in case something happens to me, or it's not going to, but, you know, I got to drive over there and I am in a fucking Miata or not.
No, I'm like in a Ford Ford Fiagra or something.
I don't know.
This thing.
You could feel the car being scared about hitting a bump when you're driving it.
That's how little this little rental is.
But I'll talk to you in a few minutes.
Today's episode is also brought to you by Go Ya Yaz, Crepes and Coffee.
And that is a local establishment down there in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.
Go Yayaz is a beautiful place.
They have crepes and coffee.
Think about a crepe.
Now think about yourself.
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They're serving breakfast and lunch.
They have sweet crepes.
They have breakfast crepes.
Bacon, egg, and cheese crepes.
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Get that hitter.
All right, guys, and I'm back.
So I had a great time at the show.
We just went and got it done.
And I want to thank everybody else that came out.
I got to show you guys this, man.
I didn't even tell you some of the things.
Well, first, I got to tell you this, man.
You know, and I talked about it briefly.
I did like a preface at the beginning of this episode.
Like, I left my, you know, because I just, I've been feeling kind of strange, man.
You know, and part of it is, you know, part of it is that there's a lot going on.
And at the same time, part of it is that I left my medicine in Los Angeles.
And I take medication.
You know, I take a light dose of antidepressants.
And I left them in L.A. And that was on Thursday.
So I didn't take them on Thursday.
Didn't take them on Friday.
Didn't take them on Saturday.
No, I came here Friday.
So anyway, whatever.
Today's Sunday.
So today's that third day and I'm just not feeling, you know, I'm just feeling a little more emo nemo.
You know, I'm just feeling a little, I got them Bam, I got a little bit of Bambi legs in my, in my soul.
I got them Bambi legs, baby.
I got them, you know, Bambi had legs just like those, just like, you know, like those fresh harp strings, you know, just uncertain.
Just like those fresh, you know, like them, just like those fresh violin strings.
Like if suddenly somebody added two new strings to the violin, even the strings would be like, oh, fuck, what do we do?
You know?
And so, you know, you got those bambi legs, you know, those shaky makers.
And so that's kind of how I'm feeling.
You know, I just feel a little bit shaky.
And I'm already kind of a little bit of like a email's on.
I'm already kind of a little bit of like an emo nemo.
And, you know, I'm always kind of swimming in my feelings a little bit.
And I'm fine with that.
You know, I don't fear my feelings.
In fact, I welcome them.
But, you know, sometimes I get, you know, when I'm not, when I don't have, when I haven't taken my medicine over a period of time, it makes me feel, you know, it just, it's a change.
And so I'm still fine, but you know how it is.
Makes you feel a little bit just, it makes me feel a little unsure of myself.
So anyhow, it's not like a disclaimer or anything, really, but I just, yeah, I'm just feeling exhausted too.
You know, I just feel really, really exhausted.
It's just been a long couple of weeks.
We've been going to China, coming back.
You know, I haven't been eating much.
You know, people say you're getting skinny and there's nothing wrong with me.
I just haven't been, I haven't, I've been working.
You know, I've just been working a lot.
So I need to start taking a little bit better care of myself right now and see what's going on with me.
And I'm going to do that.
And I'm going to start doing that.
I hate to say it, but by just, I'm going to cut this episode down.
You know, I'm going to wish a happy birthday to my friend Bill.
And he turned 44. And, you know, he got two daughters and a wife.
And they just got a female cat at the house.
So, I mean, he's fucked.
But I'm glad to have friends like him.
You know, I just had to call my brother and just kind of check in with some people after the show tonight.
I just, I don't know.
I just need to get some rest.
You know, we did have some cool videos that came in.
I'm going to do one or two or three of those because I love those.
Oh, and I wanted to show you what somebody brought me.
People brought a lot of nice stuff.
You know, the Harvard lady that called in, that teacher, the professor, she brought me a nice book.
And I'm going to read that soon.
But somebody brought me these.
I'll put a picture on my Instagram as well.
Straight up hamster skulls.
Okay.
And a skull, it's like the Lord put your brain in like a hard gift bag for the world.
It's like the Lord put your brain in like a hard to go sack before he let it go out into the world.
And that's your skull.
And these are real hamp skulls.
And honestly, to me, they look like G-Pig skulls.
They look a little more G-Pig because these are pretty grandiose looking.
But they have tattooed.
They're branded up.
The skulls are.
One of them says Onward and one of them says Rat King.
And man, look.
And look, no pressure if anybody brings, you don't have to compete with this guys.
You know, people, you know, drop off different things sometimes.
And sometimes I give gifts to people that come out.
But man, come on.
You telling me?
Two G-Pigs out there had to give up their life so daddy could have these fucking wild hitters.
Well, that's what the Lord wants, man.
That's what the Lord wants.
But, oh, and they have stuff written inside of them.
What does this one say?
Don't pet.
Oh, don't pet the Playboy.
And then it says gang, gang right around the, wherever the spine would go into it.
Damn, boy.
This is the dark arts.
Literally, this is arts.
And speaking of the dark arts, man, I'm going to play a video right now.
Somebody sent in a video, you know, they're doing graffiti out there in the streets.
And let's take a video right now.
This is from Nick Smith.
And if you're watching on the YouTube, you can see the video.
How's it going, Theo?
We're out here at the graffiti wall.
Just painted this guy.
Out here practicing them dark arts.
Gang.
Sometimes the dark arts are good, sometimes they're not.
But regardless, we're out here.
We're doing what we can.
Onward.
Wow.
So this is graffiti.
Look, you guys can't see it.
Somebody graffiti the whole side of a building.
And it says the dark arts.
And then it says onward.
2018.
That's Nessie, N-E-S-Y.
And maybe I shouldn't have given the dude's name because I don't know if this is illegal or not, but this looks like a nice business.
He said it's the graffiti wall, and it's dark arts.
You can see it on YouTube.
And this is, I'm not, this, it isn't a couple square feet.
This is about, looks like about a 30 by 12 foot mural.
So, gang, gang, baby, get out there.
And it's classy work, too.
I mean, that is just real classy work.
That's something, look, if you could hang the whole side of a building on a refrigerator, your mother would do just that, Nick Smith.
So thank you for being out there and for doing that.
Let's take, we'll hit a couple more of these video lines, man.
Here we go.
Onward.
Hey, what's up, Theo?
It's Justin from New Jersey.
I've been a huge fan for a while.
I always used to think you were the most underrated comic in the world, honestly.
Thanks, Justin Matthews, for the nice words, man.
You know, I'll say this about being underrated or feeling underrated.
There's a blessing there because the expectations aren't there.
You know, when nobody knows you, the only person expecting anything out of you is you.
And some people may have dreams or ambitions in their life and they're like, man, I'm not as known as I want to be or I don't have the platform that I want.
Let's say that.
But man, that is a beautiful place to be in because you are in it.
You're working.
You're doing your work.
You're doing your work.
And that's a beautiful place to be is doing your work.
Because that's the only thing that means anything, really?
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
And not necessarily output, but that could be emotional work, connecting.
What are you doing?
Are you doing your work?
So, and then whenever you get to a place where you're ready for, when the platform arrives, you know, when that boat arrives, you want to be able to get into the boat.
If you never, you don't know how, you don't know how a boat works and you're just standing there staring at a boat because you're not boatable, you don't have that boatability built into your system, come on, you're done.
You're just going to be a bank baby.
So when you're waiting for that boat to arrive, when you're hoping, you're hoping for a platform, you're hoping for, whether it's an artwork or you like to speak or you like to perform or you just want to be in love, or you just want to be happy, whatever those things are that you're building towards, it's nice whenever nobody, when you don't have that, it's kind of nice when that boat isn't standing there waiting for you.
Because then you got to produce, then you got to do it.
You know, you got to have, then it's not, you know, or at least it feels like a pressure then.
And maybe that could be me too, just feeling weird pressures.
I don't know what I'm talking about, Justin.
Onward, let's hear more from you, man, and thank you for this video.
But I don't have to say that anymore because I think you're finally getting the recognition you deserve.
But my question is, I'm a musician.
I've done 14 tours.
I'm on the road four to five months out of the year.
Wow.
That's a lot.
Onward.
And I'm in AA as well.
Thanks for sharing, man.
I know it's not something that sometimes we share.
Some people believe you shouldn't share if you're in AA.
And here's why.
And I'll say why, and I understand it.
Don't share it because what if somebody hears you say, and I'm not calling you out, Justin, I share it.
So, you know, people say, well, you shouldn't share that, Theo, because what if somebody listens to you and they get into a program, but then you decide the program isn't for you and you get out.
And now they think, or what if somebody's thinking about getting into the program?
Then they see that, oh, well, the program didn't work for him or he got out.
I don't need to go now.
And so, and I understand that.
You know, I'm a little fucked because I already said it.
So I got to, you know, I have to live here on the land of my words.
But onward, Justin, let's hear about your question.
Onward?
I'm in AA as well.
And I wanted to know, as an entertainer yourself, how do you stay sober and stick to the 12 steps and stick to everything you've learned on the road, especially being in clubs and stuff with alcohol?
Because I'm doing the same thing.
I'm proud to say that I've done, I think, 14 tours, 13 of them.
I was drunk the entire time, but my last one I just did.
I stayed completely sober.
It wasn't easy.
I don't think I was doing it correctly.
I was kind of white-knuckling it a bit.
But if you have any tips, that'd be great.
Thank you.
Well, you know what happened to me?
I'll just tell you tonight.
So tonight I was in a tough spot, man.
I was in a tough spot when I started this podcast earlier.
I wasn't feeling good.
You know, I just wasn't feeling good.
I mean, you know, I don't have my, I don't have my, you know, I don't have an antidepressant.
You know, I'm on that L DZ, baby.
I'm on that light dose.
But I didn't have it.
And, you know, but what I did was I ended up calling a friend of mine.
I called a friend who I met who I met through the program.
And we can talk about whatever.
You know, I called my friend and we just, we laughed.
We laughed about partying.
We laughed about his family.
We laughed about he told me one time he had missed his antidepressants.
he was on the road, and he was so fucking banked out about it, he went to the emergency room, okay?
And the people at the emergency room, they charged him $1,200 for 10 pills.
Generic, okay?
We talking shit that would cost you $7 usually.
So we laughed about that.
And so next, and that's a friend I met through AA kind of, you know, who's in the program.
So next thing you know, I have a friend and I don't feel alone.
Because for me, a lot of times what it is is just some sort of loneliness that, you know, starts to manifest when I'm on the road.
So I keep in close contact.
For me, fortunately, people come out now that are in the program.
You know, a young man came today and invited me to a meeting last night, invited me to a meeting.
You know, I went to a meeting the last city I was in, we went to a meeting somewhere in Shanghai.
I've gone to some meetings in other places.
So it's, you know, it's nice that you can, you know, that's one thing that I like about it is now I'm not alone.
Maybe I have to say that sometimes.
Maybe I have to announce it sometimes or say it because I need to save my fucking program.
You know, but as for the steps, man, I don't know.
I haven't gone through the steps.
You know, I'm not all the way through.
You know, and I, you know, and so, you know, I don't know.
You know, I don't know what, I know some of the stuff that keeps me from getting through is fear, you know, not wanting to be fully honest with myself probably about stuff.
Probably fears that are hidden inside of me that I can't even access or that I'm afraid to.
You know, but my friends remind me a lot that I need to or they try and be supportive and ask me about it.
But, but yeah, what do I do on the road?
I mean, I stay busy.
You know, and I still do.
I hit my knees in the morning and I say the serenity prayer.
And even if I don't remember it for the rest of the day, I know that it was there with me in the beginning.
And I don't put myself in precarious situations.
You know, I mean, I know the temptations for me sometimes is, you know, I'll be okay.
If a dude asked me when I go party, I'm okay.
But a wild woman shows up or something with eight ball and daddy might feel tempted.
You know, and that's when the dark arts just start spray painting my fucking soul, bro.
You know?
I got Picasso down deep.
You know, I got that dirty Picasso down deep in me, dark art.
So I don't know if that answers the question or not, but what I do do is I keep in touch with friends.
And I get texts constantly.
And that's one of the reasons why I just want to get home and get back into my program again.
So I have my fucking roller skates on.
Because otherwise I'm just slipping around on some slotty shoes, bro.
And that ain't me.
I need my wheels in a row.
But thank you for checking in, Justin.
We're going to take one more video that came here, man, and then I'm going to shut it down for tonight.
Here we go.
Hi, Feo.
This is Oscar.
Greetings from Dubai.
I'm a Swedish dude living in Dubai.
Dang, this is Oscar.
And Oscar, we call it Oscar, too.
And some people say Oscar.
And I like that.
Oh, are you Terrence?
No, I'm Terence.
Are you Frank?
I'm F-rank, baby.
and I?
Are you are you are Are you Mark?
Nuh-uh, I am.
You know what I'm saying?
You could switch your name up in this ain't Oscar, baby.
This is Oscar.
A Swedish man in Dubai.
You're doing all sorts of things, baby.
You're a fucking human buffet, big boy.
Let's hear more.
Oscar, thank you for calling.
I'm a public speaker and I have a podcast.
And I realize that the best paid speakers are actually the ones that are including humor in their speaking and in their podcast.
Okay, so the best paid speakers he's saying are the ones including humor in their speaking and their podcasts.
More Oscar?
I want to do that when I speak.
I want to be a little bit more funnier.
So how can you become more funnier when I give my talks?
What any resources to become more funnier?
And you should come visit us in Dubai.
Check out this cool look.
Ooh, Dubach.
That is beautiful.
Thank you for showing me that scenery.
And if you can see the video, Al Scar is out there by the beach and he's standing.
They got a bus going by in the background.
And it also looks like his car might be broke down out there.
But how can you be funnier, man?
You know what I'm what I try to keep tabs on for me is I just see when people, when other, when I make other people laugh, or when I make other people smile, or I make them feel, you know, they drop in, they're listening, they're paying attention.
Dude, to me, Oscar, you have a very nice, you have a nice disposition.
You're Swedish, bro.
So for a lot of people, anything you even say is going to be interesting or funny.
I mean, even just your name, you know, I started laughing about your name.
I started clowning you about your name right out the gate.
Because to me, in America, that name is Oscar.
But when you say Oscar, like, damn, boy.
You know what I'm saying?
Fucking first I was having soup and now I'm having ratatouille.
You just fucking upgraded my whole world just with that little tilt of fucking, that little tongue tilt you got.
And that's that nattish, that's that natural Swedish build-in.
That's natural.
So dude, you can talk about probably very regular things, very basic stuff to people that are not Swedish.
It's going to be funny because, you know, you can think of yourself as an instrument.
You know, I noticed some people think that it's funny, you know, a southern accent.
They say you can get away with a lot of stuff because you have a southern accent.
Well, yeah, okay.
If that's how you feel, then that's my instrument, maybe.
My voice, whatever It is, it's my instrument.
So, I think you got a neat instrument, man.
But I would pay attention when you're talking to people if people laugh, if people find some joy.
And also, the goal sometimes isn't to tell a joke, but the goal sometimes is just to tell a story and listen in the story where people laugh.
And then you can go back and make more jokes in those places.
And those are just my thoughts, I'll scatter.
I may not know what they for ook.
I'm talking mount.
But we'll get to some more next week, man, guys.
I'm sorry to shut it down, but it's, you know, it's going to take me another hour and a half to put this thing together and to send it back to Los Angeles.
And then I have a flight at 7 a.m.
And I got to return this rental car.
And I know I'm complaining, but my chest just feels tight, and I just got to rest.
You know, I just need a rest.
And I'm grateful, man.
So many great people came out this week.
And I can't even remember all the kind people that came out.
I mean, I remember them, but I just wish I knew them all by name.
You know, and it means a lot.
You know, I see, you know, it just means a lot.
You know, it means a lot that I'm just able to be a part of something neat and that we're making people laugh.
And I, you know, I promise to just try and keep doing my work, you know, to stay out of the expectations if I can.
I mean, that's another thing.
I think I just got, you know, a lot of this is new to me where people are coming out, you know, and you work hard and you do the work over the years.
And I don't know if you ever think it's going to, you know, pay off.
You always wish you had more time to prepare for anything.
You know?
But, you know, I know that my audience, I know that people that come out and, you know, people that listen to the podcast and stuff, I know that, you know, I never feel really judged.
You know, I don't feel a lot of judgment.
I feel a lot of, you know, support, really.
And so, you know, I guess some of those feelings inside of me are just, they're misguided.
They're not real.
You know, some of those aren't real.
And some of those are just fears.
And some of them are because I haven't had my medicine in three days.
And so those things are way easier to creep up into my system and into the natural foreground of my mental habitat.
But again, today's episode brought to you by Grey Block Pizza.
Today's episode brought to you by Beard Brand.
And we got that free sea salt spray.
And we'll put that link below if you want to get involved with those cats, man.
And they got good items.
And we'll put the link below to them.
Today's intro music was by Jameson Flood.
And he's a beautiful guy.
And he's come out to see the shows over the years.
And we've become buddies.
And he made that.
Every night, every night I lie awake.
I feel like a fake.
I put on a show.
You know?
And some of that's fear, man.
Some of that's just, you know, that's the dark arts.
That's the devil using your own brain cells against you.
You know, it's tough when you feel like you're doing, you know, you feel like a good person, but then you feel like you aren't a good person.
It's just, that's such a weird place to be in.
And I think I just am just overwhelmed with anxiety and just a lot of different things.
You know, just a lot.
Just a lot.
This week we have, what else?
Oh, I'll tell you this.
We got some dates coming up.
I'll be in Minneapolis August 4th.
That might be sold out.
August 16th through the 18th, Chicago.
Then I'll be in Nashville, Toronto.
Let's make them pop out there, Canada.
We're going to do it all.
Let's put it on them.
September 20th through the 24th just for laughs.
Go get them, whatever how they set it up somewhere where you got to get armbands and shit, and you got to pick me.
So it's some probably scandal or whatever.
I don't know.
But you know how these people are.
But I'll be there and I'll happily be there.
Appleton, Wisconsin.
Salt Lake City, Washington, D.C. Other places.
I'll see you.
You can see all of those.
So on theovon.com slash store.
We got Rat King shirts going out this week.
Theovon.com slash store and theovon.com slash tour.
As well, thank you, Go Yaya's, down there in Baton Rouge.
Go get them crepes.
Go get them coffee.
It's 501 Main Street downtown.
Get them hitters.
Thank you to everybody that came out in Raleigh.
I'm sorry to cut it off early, guys.
I feel bad.
I feel like I'm not doing my job, but I feel like I got to get myself kind of a little bit well tonight so I can continue to do my job moving forward.
And we can just keep making things do cool stuff.
Thank you to the single mom that came out, Nancy.
Thank you to the Patreon people who helped support that and make that happen.
Thank you to the staff at Good Nights.
Oh, you know one thing I'll say, man, this is really cool.
I was at the Pullman Park down there visiting that Andy Griffiths statue in Raleigh.
And, you know, for all this media attention I hear about racism and all of this shit and fucking idiots on Twitter and all of this, dude, I'm in a park in what you would call the South, even though it starts with the North.
You know, people are like, it's the South.
I'm like, it's North Carolina.
So you may want to check your, you know, I don't know what it's called, the word that comes before your adjectives, brother.
But, and there was a lot of, it was a, you know, it's a kind of a black and white city, it feels like, to me.
And man, it felt like there was a lot less racial tension than there was when I grew up in a similar type of a black and white environment.
And that's just my opinion.
I don't live here.
You know, I don't know what it's like all the time.
But I'll tell you this.
I saw families walking around, enjoying each other's company.
I saw people looking each other in the eyes that were different races and not, you know, not looking with fear or inferiority.
And man, it was, I'll tell you this, it was different than the park when I walked around in the park growing up.
It was different.
And it was better.
And it felt fucking comfortable, man.
And, you know, and that kind of shit, it's like, let's look at the truths of what's going on.
And the truths are, I think, that people, we're going to be fine.
You know?
We just lay off this clickbait, you know?
But I love you guys, man.
I'm sorry if I'm preaching, man.
I'm fucking, I'm not doing super well.
But I love you and be good to yourselves.
You probably deserve it.
know that.
Every night I lie away Every night I feel like a fake I put on a show Knowing nobody will go Every night I lie away
Every night you sleep Every night I'll play at these Still things that you know But you still Ooh That it was me It was me Yeah It was me alone That's Every Night Right There by Jameson Flood.
We'll put a link to that one so you can check it out.
Be good to yourselves, man.
You probably deserve it.
And thank you guys.
I'll talk to you soon.
Bye.
He was me.
you you you you Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
The answer may shock you.
Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
Sometimes I won't.
And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
You have three new voice messages.
A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else.
So great.
Hi, sweetheart.
Easy deal.
Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody white guy.
I don't think a quarterback added a bit quarter.
I think Tom Hanks just buttiled me.
Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kai Club.
Second rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kai Club.
Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on YouTube, yeah?
