We have our 3rd ever in studio guest. The Scully to my Mulder, I sit down with comedian Robin Tran who also happens to be transgender. We talk about how the transition affected her career and relationships, her goals as a comic, and her last name which is very real and not a pun. Check out Robin Tran Coming out to mom bit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xpnba-l3qfc Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/robintran04/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/robintran04 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/robintrancomedy/ Music: Stevie Starlight "Come Over" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RbfQri3Nv3M Greyblock Pizza: https://www.greyblockpizza.com Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/theovon ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Theo Von: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theovon/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheoVon Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theo.von Reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/TheoVon/ ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Gunts for Red October: Patreon Gunt Squad: Alaskan Rock Vodka Angelo Raygun Renee Nicol Matthew Snow Stephanie Claire Steve Corlew Ryan Wolfe Carla Huffman Ben Limes Alexis Caniglia Stoody Stepfan Jefferies David Smith Logan Yakemchuk megan Wrynn Aidan Duffy MEDICATED VETERAN Ken Comstock Dan Ray Audrey Harlan Matthew Popov kristen rogers Josh Cowger Kelly Elliott Mark Glassy Dwehji Majd Jason Haley Jameson Flood Jason Bragg Cory Alvarez Christopher Christensen Scott Lucy Ben Deignan Cody Cummings Shannon Schulte Aaron Stein Ken Melvin Lorell “Loretta†Ray Stacy Blessing Andy Mac Campbell Hile John Kutch Adriana Hernandez Jeffrey Lusero Alex Hitchins Joe Dunn Kennedy Joey Piemonte Robyn Tatu Beau Adams Yoga Shawn-Leigh henry Laura Williams Not Even Wrong Xela Person Mona McCune Suzanne O'Reilly Rashelle Raymond Chad Saltzman James Bown Brian Szilagyi Arielle Nicole Greg H Dave Engelman Dylan Clune Calvin Doyle Robert Doucette Jacob Ortega Jesse Witham Andrea Gagliani Scott Swain William Morris Qie Jenkins Aaron Jones Jon Ross Kevin Best Haley Brown Ned Arick J Garcia Lauren Cribb Ty Oliver Tom in Rural NC Christian from Bakersfield Matthew Holland Charley Dunhamac Casey RobertsSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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What's up guys welcome to uh this past whatever today is we have a guest a guest coming in we're in studio today and we have a guest coming in uh Robin Tran and she is a comedian and she is also transgender and I'm not gonna pretend like you know that's not part of the reason why I want her to come in because I want to I don't know just see what's cracking you know besides her you know sexual origination so
so anyway we got Robin Tran coming in we just shot a pilot together down in Louisiana and we got to spend some time around each other and some of it was just some of the conversation was interesting and fascinating and I thought maybe we would capture some of that today for you guys thank you guys for listening as always thank you Grey Block Pizza 1811 Pico Boulevard on the way to the beach gray block you know get that hit thanks
for being here today thanks so much for having me yeah sorry do I seem stressed out no but now I can tell you that I'm stressed out are you good yeah we're both stressed out that's great what's causing what's causing you stress today is being alive you know being out of my comfort zone I mean it's almost like do you live out of your comfort zone no man I've I did nothing for literally like three years and then I started doing everything oh wow so it's like I keep missing my bed but then when I'm in bed I'm like
no I gotta get the fuck out of here and do something I gotta get going I'm actually like ambitious for the first time in my life nice yeah I quit marijuana like six months ago I think that's what happened oh that'll change yeah one of my best friends uh quit marijuana and says started one of the biggest clothing companies in the world oh my god really yeah geez so things can happen um you um you were depressed what was causing the depression you feel like um half my family i found out actually this year half my family has bipolar disorder like in
vietnam even like it's it's just like a chemical imbalance and probably i probably i had a really traumatic childhood you know my dad drank a lot and um my mom had bipolar disorder what did he drink do you remember just beer just like he'd have like 10 beers a night yeah and then uh was he a bowler or no what's that was he a bowler like a league bowler no i don't think he knows what bowling is even oh wow yeah it's crazy to be drinking that much beer and not know about bowling yeah i know um
yeah at least we would have had fun if you yeah if you knew about bowling right yeah but my mom and my mom would like just be gone for a while because she had to go to like a hospital because you know it was undiagnosed bipolar oh wow so she had that yeah and so at that point it was just kind of like willy-nilly that they didn't know i mean that's probably when they were still putting people on valium and things like that i don't know yeah yeah i i well it's like not talked about in vietnamese culture like so they just think oh we don't know what's wrong with you you know and then it took like years
for them to finally go here's some medication you're like you're sick in the head yeah this is real funny stuff right yeah sorry this is yeah this isn't funny is this but it's interesting is this supposed to be a funny podcast i feel bad you know no it's it's just supposed to be a podcast you know it's supposed to be just a conversation you know we don't have to talk about anything in particular i just thought you know it'd be really interesting you and i just worked together on a pilot right yeah in louisiana yeah and you know um and you are like one of the most unique people i've probably ever
met because you are how do you what is the term transgender yeah i'm transgender vietnamese lesbian i am a lot of things and you know what sucks is to be that to be all that and to also be self-aware because like i wish i wasn't self-aware you know i wish that i didn't know what i look like all the time wow because like if i wasn't me and i saw me i'd be like what the that's the comedian side of me yeah like like i told you like sometimes i look in the mirror and i like i get startled like i forgot that i'm transgender
because i was someone else for 28 years who were you for 28 years it was robert robert yeah really angry little asian dude just would yell at audiences for not laughing and just just like really overcompensating for something you know yeah and you don't see i mean i don't feel like you see a lot of violent asian really i mean that except maybe like in old movies and stuff yeah i don't know a lot of asians i feel like are really seem to be you know real like happy people you get the filipinos or
i think are even nicknamed the happy people right and then you have the japanese which are kind of you know a little bit kind of electronic it seems like a lot of times like they have you know like you bust them open a bunch of gigabytes would fly out can i tell you a secret yeah i can't tell asians apart man you can't no and you're asian yeah i'm a bad asian dude wow is there bad asians yeah i'm one i think you know i kind of broke i kind of did everything i wasn't supposed to do like i didn't go to medical school and
i didn't i wasn't the man you know i didn't stay a dude like i didn't do anything right that's true because in asian in some asian cultures if they want to they want the boy yeah oh and you you're like you're gonna be like i'll show them i am a boy red rover red rover exactly sent a vagina right over yeah exactly yeah so when did you get um because i mean it's just fascinating to me and one thing that i love about you like you have this this comedy bit and we'll put it at the bottom of the video today and
the audio a link where you were explaining to your mother about how you felt um and is it a woman trapped in a man's body is that how you felt or how did you kind of feel i just felt like when when i actually like i got off like medicate you know like i was medicated for the first time in my life for antidepressants for bipolar antidepressants and you know for the bipolar and i was singing like this song this girly song and i just like usually i roll up the window and i do it quietly but i'm like no man i'm happy and
it's when i did that for the first time in my life like dude my whole life flashed before my eyes like me as a kid wearing pink and like wanting to play with like this pink carousel set like these little horses you know like i remember i kept remembering that and like wearing jewelry and like i'd be in theater art you know drama class and they put makeup on me and i would just leave it on like for days and just like yeah these these memories came back and i was a lot of clues kind of was it like clues yeah and then i was like man you know if i was a woman my whole life would make sense like it
wouldn't be a good life right it would be a life and you know life is like life right but and then it made sense and i just it was like a religious experience dude like i don't know how religious people feel but it must be like kind of like that.
My whole body shivered, dude.
And I started crying, dude.
I cried for like half an hour, man.
And like in my car.
And then I had to go clock back into work.
Oh, man.
I was like, yeah, a lot of chicks have done that, dude.
Yeah.
You know, that's a wreck.
I mean, I think at that point, you definitely qualify.
No, that's fascinating to have like a moment where you're like, this, did you almost feel like you like who you really were like erupted out of you or something?
I think that's exactly true.
And, you know, I just remembered this.
I never looked at people in the eyes until I came out.
I avoided eye contact with everyone, except for my girlfriend.
Like, I would just look down and I never knew why.
It was like, I think subconsciously, it was like, if they see me, they might know it about me, but I didn't know what it was.
You know what I mean?
So.
That's fascinating.
So you were afraid if you were looking at somebody, if they saw that they might see the truth in you that you didn't even know maybe?
Yeah, that's exactly right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's so bizarre.
I mean, it's not bizarre.
That's not the word I have.
No, it's no, it is.
But I think that's so real.
I think because that's a reason why a lot of times we don't look people in the eyes because we're afraid that they're going to see our truth.
You know, they're afraid that we're going to see that, you know, that we're hurting or that we are confused or uncertain or sad or, you know, that's just so, it's so.
What was the song?
Oh, it was like an indie pop song.
Probably people don't know it.
It was a Rylo Kylie song.
I don't know if you know who that is.
Yeah.
It's very girly.
It's gay.
It is?
It's like that It's Rainin' Men song?
No, no, it's kind of it's a different kind of gay.
It's like celebrating like this different femininity.
You ever hear Patrice O'Neill talk about It's Raining Men?
Uh-uh.
He says that, you know, when you're a guy and you're singing karaoke, you got to change the lyrics and you're like, it's raining stuff.
It's raining things.
One of my favorite bits.
It's raining stuff.
So it's kind of interesting.
Like I was noticing some stuff.
And so Robin and I were working and you were Robert and now you're Robin.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And one thing that's so neat, and I appreciate this, is like, you don't make me feel like I can't talk to you about these things.
You know, like you don't make me, because sometimes I get this vibe and this is just me being honest and this isn't trying to me be like I know anything, but I get a vibe sometimes by some people that are, you know, are out of what would some people perceive as the norm.
Sometimes when you try to engage with them about a conversation, they take that as being judgmental, even like asking questions and stuff or being curious.
And I think it makes some people who are curious about stuff afraid to ask, you know?
Yeah, I know those people.
I mean, I actually deal with that too.
I think there's like infighting within the community about how to talk to other people and stuff.
I don't know, man.
I want to say this, but I don't, you know?
No, say it, man.
I say stuff on here all the time.
It's like a lot of the white ones are really mad, like, because they didn't have the racial discrimination before.
So when they transition, there's like this new, like, they're being discriminated against now.
And so like, it's like a fucking, they're taking it all on at the same time.
But for me, I'm just like, oh, yeah, discrimination.
I've experienced that before.
I'm just adding on to it, but I'm not downloading the entire thing, you know?
It's just a theory of mine.
I don't know if it's fucking true.
Oh, I think it's really fascinating.
Because you're saying, like, oh, well, if I was black or Vietnamese, I've already experienced some discrimination.
Yeah.
So now that I'm switching genders, fuck, sure.
Yeah, it's still hard, but it's like, I'm like, I kind of prepared myself for it, you know, just by being Vietnamese.
You're like, oh, I already, you're like, I beat Vietnamese.
No, I'll take on the world.
Exactly.
That was the plan all along.
But for a white person, they're just like, oh, fuck, dude.
Everything was great.
Yeah.
Man.
It's just a theory, everybody.
I do not know.
No, it's interesting.
That's a really interesting theory.
Man, it's so funny when you were talking about looking people in the eyes and them seeing.
Did you know that what you were afraid that they might see in you was like your sexuality?
or did you have any clue?
Yeah, I had a feeling it was like...
I do this with my hands when I'm in private.
You know, that's it, man.
Fuck it.
I do that sometimes.
I fucking love doing this, man.
It's like my favorite thing.
And I think I was like, you can't hear on the radio, she's showing like a kind of a, like a hanging wrist.
Yeah, you know, like a limp wrist or like a walking dead extra.
Yeah, exactly.
And I think I was like, man, I'm gay.
Am I gay?
But I'm not, I don't like dudes, you know, but I'm not, I was like, I would always look at myself like, you're not straight, man.
Like, so it makes sense that I'm a lesbian.
Because if people say you're not a lesbian, like, and they look at me, I'm like, well, do you think I'm straight then?
Because I don't like dudes, you know?
Like, would you look at me and say, that's a straight person?
You know what I mean?
Did you have to chart it out?
Because it sounds like, you know, for somebody that's not a good math person, it's, you're adding in some different elements.
Yeah.
No, when I came out, I was like, this is going to be fucking complicated for people.
Because you came out and you said.
I said, I'm a woman, but I didn't say I'm a lesbian because I felt weird saying it at first, you know, because of my voice, you know?
Like, I'm glad there's a video on this podcast because, like, being transgender is not really great for audio podcasts, you know.
People are like, what the fuck?
I don't, I'm confused, you know?
And I remember there's a little girl once saw me at an open mic and she goes, hey, that girl sounds like a boy.
And I was like, oh, that's great.
You got it completely right.
The little girl got it right.
So we get back on it.
What was the bit you have about when you explained your – Coming out to your mom, yeah.
Just like that she doesn't speak Vietnamese and I don't speak English.
So I had to like be like, mom in Vietnam, do you have a bunch of people?
Because she doesn't speak English.
Yeah, do they have boy, born boy, brain girl?
And she's like, what?
And I'm like, born boy, brain girl.
She goes, okay, I don't know.
Sometime, you know, and then I'm like, okay, me, that.
I don't want to do that.
Do you want me to do the whole bit?
No, it's good.
We'll post it below.
It's just a great story.
It's just so interesting for you.
It's like born boy brain girl.
It's like such, it's like the simplest.
Yeah.
You know, it's a simple way to put it for somebody.
Yeah, you have to make it simple because if you don't speak the same language, it has to be like the most simple words.
And also, I don't know the complicated way to explain it.
Yeah.
So I just like would just yell it for an hour until she got it.
That's how it came up.
Which is also a very popular Vietnamese form of communication.
Exactly.
Yeah, they're very quiet amongst strangers, but to each other.
It's like, man, why are you guys yelling at each other?
Are you guys having fun or are you guys mad at each other?
Sounds like the same thing.
Yeah, they're very game of thrones.
I'm like, who's a Lannister in this motherfucker?
I thought it was nap time.
Right, yeah.
That's so wild.
Do you feel?
Because I'm trying to think.
So we went down to Louisiana together.
Right.
And I'm trying to think of how I think and feel about like how if I if there are certain things that I think of you as a certain gender or you know like if without even choosing to yeah you know not if not a judgment but just like because I think of you as a young lady yeah you know but I guess sometimes I would treat you like a man right is
that kind of a common like do you notice any things not in the even just in the way I behave towards you but I think I notice it more with like you didn't know me before my transition right so like people that know me after yeah they treat me with like a little more of this respect because I think I think it's the voice I really do I think like I present pretty feminine I still I not completely but it's easier for people right but what I noticed is that from people before my transition you know like
um at open mics the comedians like hang around in a circle and they talk shit on each other they don't do that with me anymore because they're too scared and I think it's like a loss you know like oh man I love talking shit yeah but they're afraid of like stepping on eggshells and saying the wrong thing and misgendering me and stuff because they knew me as Robert right so it's harder for them I think when you dream at night do you dream like as do you notice if you dream like in a male or female perspective or if that's changed I don't I don't dream as myself
usually so yeah I don't know sometimes I think I have I am Robert but you know I don't know do you remember like a first night that you went to sleep and felt like you were a woman because I mean I think yeah just do you I don't know probably slept with a smile for the first time yeah you know oh I can't imagine how like relaxed like freeing it would be yeah you know because there were times in my life or there have been times in my life where you know I was having such a tough time like relating getting into a relationship and
being like comfortable in a relationship that I thought I might be gay you know and I'm like well is something you know I mean after like there was nine years where I wasn't in any sort of a relationship with a woman I was dating yeah you know I was jerking off on you know mutually jerking off after people had agreed everybody was okay with me jerking off in the room you know with women and stuff like that and doing some sex but I wasn't you know I wasn't able to like love and lock down anything there yeah and so
I was like man well maybe I you know could I be gay and I just don't know it like I'm such a bad judge of character yeah that I don't even know if I'm gay yeah but then I realized over time that for me I do desire a strong connection a male connection but what I want is like a brotherly connection yeah and that's something I've always really you know missed and a fatherly connection so I really gravitate towards some moments like that with other
males to have some camaraderie yeah um but that you know I was just I was just lacking a connection with my own mother and so that's you know hampered the ability to connect with women beyond anything sexual you know right yeah you know that's really I feel kind of bad for guys that you know you can't have that camaraderie because it's like it's kind of like oh are we gay you know like you can't just I still have some male qualities just out of habit and there was a guy that used to go to this wellness
center you know for like to get better and there was this guy that um helped me every day we talked every day about comedy and stuff we became like best friends but I never hugged him it was because it was like in my head I'm like is that gay to hug him even though I'm not like I'm like a woman in my head but still feels like the old guy is still there like just lurking we just can't be friends you know what I mean like it's we're too close and we're not like are we supposed to date now you know like it's that feeling yeah and guys don't the guys aren't like allowed to get close with each other like that yeah
yeah there is there's like a weird thing sometimes you know yeah like if I pat my buddies on the back I'll do it be like oh I can't pat him again today right you you used it up for the day I used my pat up today because you know that's a pat rule you know what I'm saying I can thumbs up him from real close but that's you know I can do point blank range thumbs up all day but I can't I can't do an extra pat yeah was there some strange moments like I mean this is just do
you ever feel like in the future we will all be that things will be more fluid and that you are like a pioneer on this sort of horizon of you know gendership if that makes any sense you know I was thinking about that and it's either going to be like everyone is kind of a flu fluid or that it's going to be so many that you can pick from or something but as for the pioneer thing I actually just like my my dream
is for it to be boring you know to not be like a like you're brave or to be like you're you're the worst thing like the YouTube comments were probably for this video like I'm not gonna read them you know and like you can't have you can't be a woman if you got a dick like comment number one thumbs up a lot of thumbs up for it you know I already know they didn't even watch the video you know they didn't even watch the video,
but I also have the other one, like, where it's like, You're so, you're so brave, and it's like, Oh man, don't call me brave, man.
Like, I'd rather just live my life.
Like, I told you, I forget I'm transgender sometimes.
Like, I'm just like out, and oh, why is people, why are people looking at me?
Oh, fuck, I'm wearing a dress.
Oh, my God.
I fucking forgot, man.
Like, I'm already depressed about something else, and now I got to think about this shit, you know?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, you really, like, for a comedian already to be afflicted with whatever it is that makes us want to be comedians.
Yeah.
You know, whatever, like, toil or like broken, like, piping or whatever inside of us that, you know, makes us covet that constant attention.
Yeah.
And then to be like, oh, well, yeah, I know what I'm going to add on to this.
I had to throw away all my old material.
Did you?
Yeah.
It was really, I was up on stage and I just said it on stage one night.
It's like, hey, I don't, I'm not joking, guys, but I feel like a woman.
And I don't know if I'm going to start wearing skirts because I'm lazy.
And that's, I don't know what I'm going to say tonight.
So have a good night, everyone.
And that was it.
And I put the mic back in the mic stand and left.
And like, people were like, holy shit, like, is Robert kidding?
And I'm like, no, I'm not Andy Kaufman, dude.
I don't do like, I'm kidding shit, you know?
And that was how I came out to my comedian friends.
I just did it on stage.
Has anybody ever accused you of it being like a thing?
Oh, yeah, sure.
Like, I think someone was making fun of me.
I forgot who it was, where it was like, Robin is going to just start adding afflictions, like, just to, you know, get more people to go get behind her.
Like, take off a leg.
Yeah, next week she can't walk.
She's blind now, like, just adding on more.
She's a service animal.
Really?
The fuck?
All right, Robin.
You're taking it too far.
Yeah, of course.
Do you, was it, were you attracted to women at a certain point in your life?
I feel like you were.
Yeah, I was always attracted to women.
I always felt like one.
I remember thinking when I was a kid, like, man, I wish I could be a lesbian, dude.
Like, out of everything else, like, I just loved...
And dude, that was like, like, I got so horny when I saw that.
Dude, it was like, you know, like, when you remember, like, the first thing you saw where I'm like, I don't know what jacking off is yet, but if I can jack off, it's going to be to that kind of shit.
So even to this day, just women making out.
I'm just like, fuck, man, I got to jack off.
So like, that's my favorite thing, you know?
I don't think that was what you were asking me, but.
No, I think it's, well, it's like, I mean, I guess I just wanted to know kind of, yeah, where your attraction was, you know, because I mean, because then you have to kind of, I'm sure, like, as you're trying to figure out what your place is or what your escape from whatever, you know, you, did you feel trapped?
I always felt trapped.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think, I think you're right.
Yeah.
I don't know how else to put it, but it's just like.
I just felt like.
Like an escape room.
You ever been to an escape room?
No, I haven't been to one.
But you know what it is.
Yeah.
It's like where there's clues and then suddenly you get out, but then it's just you and your friends back in the lobby of a Hilton or something.
Yeah.
I kind of feel like I just wanted to scream and I didn't know why.
I would say that's how it felt.
Wow.
Yeah.
And do you still feel some of that?
No.
No, I know who I am now.
Sometimes I get like the identity crisis of just like, who am I?
Like as a person who's not as depressed anymore because I'm kind of getting over that too.
So you notice that this has helped you through depression.
Yeah.
No, no, no.
That's separate.
The two things are separate.
Oh, they are?
Yeah.
That's what's so fucked up about it.
Like I'm not as blown away by the gender thing anymore.
It's been three years.
I guess it's kind of boring for me personally, you know?
And then like I'm like, okay, now I'm a depressed transgender person or whatever, you know?
And then the depression has lifted a little bit or a lot.
So now I'm like, well, who am I if I'm not depressed?
I guess I just have to figure it out day by day, just do things, you know, and be active.
Like, I can't believe that we did the thing in Louisiana.
I can't believe I did, I went from doing nothing to the most fun three days of my life.
It was really the most fun three days of my whole life.
Yeah.
That's cool.
Yeah.
I wish I, you know, I, yeah, I mean, there was a moment where you and I were driving like that grand marquee down that highway.
I mean, because we went back to Covington to my hometown.
I talked about this on a regular podcast a little bit last week, but I didn't tell them that, you know, I said I was there with another comedian, Robin Tran, but I didn't tell them that, you know, you had a sexual transition or, you know, get into any of that.
But I told him that I was back there and, you know, it was pretty wild and that Wendy was like, come on.
Remember him?
Yeah, it was fucking hilarious.
He was like, come on.
My cow slow, can you say that turkey?
Get the fuck out of here.
Get the fuck.
Come on.
And I was like, we were down there and it was, yeah, we were just cruising all around like Scully and Molder, just like, you know, a recovering rural guy and a new transgender comedian.
You're probably the first, the craziest thing I've seen in that town.
Yeah.
Actually, we had a three-legged pony growing up.
Yeah, okay, maybe it was that.
She was a real mute.
No, you know, I actually almost blew the whole thing the first day.
I almost fucked it.
Yeah, you know, my eye's a little red right now.
There's a reason for that.
Like, half an hour before they were going to pick me up, I took what I think is my bladder medication because I got to pee a lot.
And I look at the pill, dude.
I took my fucking sleeping pill.
No.
Like, and it's like, it knocks you out after an hour.
And I just look at Kate, like, I took a fucking Lunesta.
And she's like, you got to throw it up.
You got to throw it up.
Right.
Like, she's like a coach for like the worst sport ever.
You know, you got to fucking throw it up.
Oh, she's on the all-bulimia team?
Yeah, like, I'm over the toilet.
I'm fucking crying.
I'm like, I blew it, man.
I can't.
She's like, this right before they come to pick you up for the first day of shooting?
Yeah, she's like, put your fucking finger down your throat.
I'm like, Gus Fring from Breaking Bad, like putting my finger down my throat.
It's not, nothing's working.
And she goes, think of disgusting things.
Think of fucking disgusting things.
And that's not working.
She goes, think of the most disgusting thing you can Think of.
And then I thought about eating my mom's pussy.
Then it all came out.
And then I'm fucking crying because I'm thinking about it.
And then, like, 10 minutes later, everyone picked me up.
I'm like, hey, everyone.
But in my head, I'm like, that was the most fucked up thing that ever happened to me.
Like, I'm traumatized by it, you know?
It was the most traumatizing moment of my life and then the most fun three days of my life.
Like, here we go.
Back to back.
Yeah.
Damn, I never know anybody just get all hopped up on Lunasta.
Yeah.
And then that's why I popped a blood vessel by throwing up.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Dude, I thought I was going to die one time in Chicago.
If I eat tuna fish and Gatorade at the same time, how fucking my throat closes up.
Oh, my God, really?
I can't handle that much excitement, you know, just fucking fish oil and, you know, whatever.
Electrolytes?
Electrolytes, yeah.
Wow.
My shit'll throw up, just shut down.
So I literally was having a, I was fucking crawling through the hall of a hotel in Chicago, pulling on the dress of a cleaning lady and like had my hand down my throat.
Oh, my God.
I think she thought I wanted to do sex or some kind of sex act.
Like, this is the weirdest mating call I've ever seen in my life.
He's crawling on the floor.
Just holding my throat open to breathe.
It's like, this is a weird.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay, guy.
We'll upgrade you to a suite.
Fight down.
Do you feel sometimes like a do you feel like a woman now?
Sometimes I feel like...
Like...
Like, man, I feel like a woman, but I'm fucking getting lazy.
Like, I don't like...
Like, I've done it for three years.
So, like, I started buying boy clothes again.
Yeah.
Oh, just, cause, yeah, because a lot of women then end up getting lazy to buy boy stuff.
Yeah.
They're like, oh, I'm just a sports fan.
And it's like, like a tomboy, kind of, you know?
And I don't know.
I kind of think like the initial novelty wore off.
And I mean novelty, not like, oh, this whole thing is like a stunt or anything like that.
But, you know, you just kind of get over the...
And then you experience this gender euphoria.
And I think when it goes away, you're like, okay, now I don't have to always wear a fucking dress.
Can I just wear a fucking t-shirt and jeans and like light makeup and stuff, you know?
Did you find yourself having to like really overdressing, like wearing like a bride's outfit a couple of days a week and stuff?
Yeah, I would overdress every time.
I just wear dresses and fucking nice clothes and these shoes from be as lady as possible.
Yeah, from Nordstrom's, you know, like just expensive shoes and shit.
Was there guys that you like had before when you were Robert that you were like, oh, that guy's kind of cute that you were like, you know, just trying to just offering to just fuck and chill and shit like that or no?
Oh, you mean guys that I knew before?
Yeah, well, oh, but you were lesbian, so you were attracted to women.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, I, there are the other side, though, like, there were some guys that were like, hey, like.
They want to hit it.
Well, you know, if I were attracted to you, would that make me gay?
You know, hypothetically.
And I'm like, it's a weird hypothetical question that, you know, Facebook message me at three in the morning, you know, but like, I don't know, man.
You know, I guess it doesn't.
Like, if I'm a woman, so it doesn't actually make you gay.
Like, I actually had to look it up.
Isn't that weird?
Gosh.
Yeah.
If you like, if you are a guy that dates transgender women, you're not gay.
Hmm.
Yeah.
So if I dated you, I wouldn't be gay.
Yeah, people would think you are, though.
Right.
Everyone would call you gay.
So it's like you would be gay anyway.
Well, you know what's funny?
Yeah, I don't feel like if I feel like if here's a, here's interesting.
I noticed this.
If you were sitting here and you were a man, I would feel like, oh, if I dated Robert, I would be gay.
Right.
But if I'm sitting here and I'm just thinking about you, oh, if I dated her, I might be, you know, a real wildcat.
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
I might be in the hunt and rare game.
But I, you know, but I don't have the same feeling.
Yeah.
That's kind of interesting.
Yeah, it is.
Yeah.
Just because my total, like, you know, if you put you next to a boy, I'll be like, oh, well, I would, you know.
I think a lot of people, like, on, like, I'll read Periscope comments about me and stuff.
And they're like, ew, what the fuck is that?
You know, like, when people are, like, that mad, I'm just like, all right, dude.
Like, I don't think it's true when people are, like, they hate trans people.
It means they're attracted to them.
But the ones that get really fucking mad, I'm like, you kind of want to fuck a transgender woman, dude.
Like, why would you get that mad?
You know, if people just went ew, and I was like, okay, you just don't like the way I look.
Yeah.
But just the fuck that.
What the fuck is happening?
Oh, my God.
Like, you know, like their brains are going to explode, you know?
Like, oh, okay.
Do you want to fucking NWO fans?
Yeah.
Like New World Order fans.
Do you press that and turn it back on?
New World Order fans, maybe?
I'm a huge wrestling fan.
Are you?
Oh, yeah, dude.
I know more about wrestling than I do about anything else in my life combined.
Oh, wow.
I've been watching wrestling since I was four years old.
And how old are you now?
I'm 31. Dude, I was a huge, and this is a little bit before you, but I was a huge, the Von Ericks were like a big fan of them.
I know history.
Yeah, there was the Texas Tornado in WWF.
He transferred over.
Yeah.
He would spin around and do a clothesline or a punch.
Carrie Von Erick on the picture.
Carrie Von Erick.
And he was the handsomest one.
Outside of that, they got a little kind of animal-y looking.
One of the brothers looked like a damn sheep.
I thought like a tall sheep.
Who was one of your favorite wrestlers growing up?
It was always Sean Michaels, man.
Oh, yeah.
HBK, I think, is the greatest wrestler that ever lived.
And Marty Giannetti?
No.
It's so sad.
Marty Giannetti is always referenced, even nowadays, as if there's a tag team and one of them explodes and one of them doesn't, they call him the Marty Giannetti of the.
Oh.
Yeah, isn't that heartbreaking?
Yeah.
Both of them had nice hair.
Do you think it was something about wrestling that kind of had that has that sort of trans appeal to it in a weird way?
No, I think, you know what?
I think it's completely separate from gender.
I love combat.
I don't know why.
You know, I love roast battles and I love wrestling.
And there's a movie called Changing Lanes with Sam Jackson and Ben Affilak.
And they're just like trying to one-up each other with like trying to fuck each other's lives up.
And I don't know why.
I just love that.
Like being boastful.
Like I can fuck you up and I can back it up.
And the other guy's like, no, I can fuck you up.
And just watching them try to fuck each other up.
Yeah.
I love it.
It's my favorite thing in the world.
But I don't like people actually getting hurt.
So that's why I like that it's like staged.
That's why I can't watch like UFC.
Like, oh, that guy's leg's really broken, man.
Like, the fun's over, man.
Oh, man.
You try to fuck that guy's wife and you pretend to hit each other.
Oh, that's fucking awesome.
But, like, oh man, that guy's leg became like rubber.
I'm like, oh, Jesus, man, this is fucking real.
Can't deal with that.
Do you were there things that you like more now after your transition that you didn't like before?
Like, do you notice?
No, no, I like pretty much all the same things.
And I don't know, like, I still like wrestling as much as I ever did.
I was afraid I would stop liking wrestling.
Oh, you know, and then like, what would I do?
That's so scary.
Like, yeah, were there things you were afraid, like, of losing?
You know, you're afraid you're going to lose this or lose that if you go into this.
Dude, if I lost wrestling, I don't know what I would do with my time.
I spend, you know, WWE Network.
I spent hours just watching that every day.
And, you know, WrestleMania was just like last week in Louisiana.
You know, I just, I love it.
I love it more than, it's like number four on my list of things I love in my life.
Like, you know, family, my girlfriend, me, and wrestling.
Yeah, I used fucking love.
That's most of America.
Yeah.
I think you just described.
Yeah.
Did you...
Did you experience like any loss of like friends or any connections that really changed or evolved for the better in your life?
Yeah, I lost a lot of friends.
And I don't know, some of it wasn't because of the transgender thing, but some of it was like when I came out, like all of a sudden 10 people unfriended me right away.
And then like I posted a picture of me in a dress and some guy went, like some guy I knew in high school.
We knew each other for years and he went, is this for work or something?
And I went, no, man, I'm a woman.
And he fucking unfriended me.
And I was like, fucking heartbroken.
Well, maybe his wife doesn't want to make all friends.
But another guy actually looked at one of the pictures and he liked, he liked like nine in a row.
You know, when someone like likes like a bunch of your pictures in a row?
And then one of them, I was like really made up with these big boots.
And he just went, fuck you for this one, Robert.
And then, and then unfriended me.
So I think he like jerked off and felt bad.
You know what I mean?
Like, why would he like a bunch of pictures and say, fuck you for this one?
And then unfriend me, right?
Oh, the boots, dude.
A lot of people have foot fetish, you know.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, there's a guy around me growing up hitting he couldn't even come unless a pair of Justins were in the room.
I think I'm a lot of like regretful coming sessions.
I think people have jerked off to me and then felt really embarrassed afterwards.
Have you I am for people?
Have you always jerked off to the same stuff?
Oh, no, I jerk off to like weirder shit now.
Oh yeah.
Oh yeah.
So you find that has that evolved or devolved?
No man.
I've jerked off to like my own pictures.
Really?
Yeah.
I'm like, oh man, I had a clone.
Totally fuck it.
Have you?
Yeah.
It's cool.
I mean, I think it's unique.
I've never done it.
Yeah.
When I was growing up, they had a dude, if we didn't even have pornography when I was young, you know, we couldn't get any mags.
But they had this dude named Nick, and he would draw you a little picture of some CUDA for the weekend, you know?
So for $4, you'd hit this dude Nick up on Friday, you know, or Thursday night if you wanted a good sketch, you know, because if he had that extra time to work on it, man.
And then Friday, you'd get that hitter, you know, and you'd jerk off all weekend.
I still think it's not as weird as jerking off to a selfie.
But yeah, whatever.
Oh, yours is definitely weirder.
I was just trying to make you feel a little less uncomfortable.
No.
What is it about a selfie that can make you calm, you think?
This is like, man, I never looked like that before.
You know, and then I'm really happy with how I look.
Oh, so you'll take a really nice picture.
Yeah.
And then jerk off to that.
Yeah, I don't.
I haven't done it for a while.
So maybe my self-esteem is lower.
Do you feel like one of my buddies used to get a cake?
He used to get a cake and put like, you're a good guy, Matt, on it.
He'd get that written on it and then eat it at home by himself.
Yeah, it's kind of like that.
Yeah.
It's kind of like that with what you're dick.
Yeah, yeah.
So do you still have a penis?
Yeah.
And do you take drugs?
Like, what is that whole kind of thing like?
Or is it that that's not even part of it?
And this is just good information for people because there's a lot of people that don't know.
Yeah, I am actually afraid to take any extra medication to like hormones and stuff because I take a lot of medication for the bipolar.
Okay.
So I don't take any medication and I haven't gotten any surgery.
It's just more I just dress up and I just like try to make my hair look as feminine as possible.
Okay.
Yeah.
Do you feel like it could have just been, and I don't mean this in a bad way, but I just mean this in like in a curious way that it could have this could be like some part of the bipolar thing?
Do you ever have to think about that though?
Do you question that ever?
Or is it not even the same?
No, I think what I think it actually kind of bothers me that I think that's the misconception because like I think like it's in America, it's hard to look at people like with multiple oppressions, you know?
It's always like, well, that guy is oppressed because he's black, but maybe he's also bipolar, you know, but people only can see black, you know?
Or like, you know, like when you look at mental health issues like on TV, it's mostly white people because that's like they can only look at one at a time.
Like if you have Vietnamese and bipolar, it's like too much.
Like they can't look at and transgender, whoa, like pick one because we can only focus on one on TV.
So like mine are all separate.
Like I don't, I don't think it's like related at all.
You know what I mean?
Right.
So you don't know, but you don't feel like inside of you like, and I don't know what it feels like to be bipolar.
You know, I've seen some friends that have come down and been afflicted with it as they got a little bit older out of high school.
But you didn't think like, oh, maybe I'm just bipolar at first or something.
There wasn't any of that.
No, I thought like maybe this will help.
And it helped my depression for a while.
Like I got out of it for a while and then, you know, it came back because, you know, I wasn't taking the right medication.
But just coming out helped me.
Like for three months, I didn't need anything.
I was just like really happy.
So.
Can you do you feel like you can see when other people might have the same thing going on?
Yeah.
I do.
Wow.
I was like, yeah, I think that, well, I see it with like you're like the hormone whisperer?
Yeah.
I see it like there's a woman friend I have that I'm like she's a dude.
Like the way she acts, the way she talks.
Like she's not a tomboy man.
She's a fucking dude.
But does her name start with a G or not?
No.
Okay.
I can't say it.
Yeah, we won't out her, but I just thought it might be the same person.
We were just going to stop there at that first letter.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Do you do you I'm just trying to get I guess get to do you feel like like did you feel like when we were in Louisiana that people thought differently than anywhere else or do you feel like when you went there that you might be looking for that?
Yeah, you know, I was surprised by how how little people seem to give a shit about the transgender thing You're better than it.
You're definitely better looking than half the women there, too.
Did I tell you that I think they were thrown off by my ethnicity more because several people like fucking bowed to me?
Like, I think the mayor bowed to me.
That's what someone told me.
Hey, did you check out the mayor bowing to you?
So the joke that I've kind of come up with is I think they were thrown off that I was Vietnamese and now they just have a weird stereotype about Vietnamese where they're like, oh, hell, I didn't know that Vietnamese dude dress up like chicks.
Hell, I ain't judging.
I think that that's what they were thinking.
I don't think they knew that I was a transgender woman.
But yeah, I guess Vietnamese was way more on the list.
And I thought they were going to give me dirty looks, but no one did.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, I mean, I worried about it some too, you know, that people would.
I mean, I didn't think so, but you just don't know.
I mean, places are getting so diverse.
A lot of places are getting more diverse nowadays, you know, or at least more multicultural.
Like, I think the gender stuff is still probably kind of rare.
Yeah.
You know, probably people are afraid to talk about it.
Yeah, it's really new, I think.
Well, it's not new because it's been going on for actually thousands of years.
Like, Native Americans used to have a third gender like Two Spirit.
You know, for, I think that was the transgender back in the day.
That double up.
Yeah.
That's what they call it, the double up.
That's sexy.
And but now, you know, it's new like now.
Like we're finally talking about it.
It's new in that sense.
Do you ever worry that you will wake up one day and feel differently?
Yeah.
Because then I'll have to transition back.
And I think I'm so, this is how arrogant I am.
I think I'm so good I'd be able to pull it off.
Wow.
You know, but I'm not a dude.
Like you're the David Copperfield crotches.
Yeah.
There are moments when I'm like, I wish I was a guy.
It would be a lot easier.
You know, so that's how that's how I kind of know I'm a woman because it would be so much easier to switch back.
My life would be a lot easier.
It would.
Yeah.
I don't have to put makeup on every day.
Don't have to like worry about people looking at me or sending me weird messages on Facebook or anything.
Just walk around like kind of like I'm invisible.
Did you feel more invisible before?
Oh, absolutely.
Yeah.
No one looked at me.
Like being transgender.
And how did that, did that feel certain?
Did that kind of like hurt your feelings some?
No, it's like you don't know that you feel invisible because you are, you, this is like your reality all the time.
It's like, you know, a fish in water doesn't know it's in water, right?
Yeah, like a goldfish in a bowl they're in there.
That's their world.
Yeah.
So I think like now I miss it a little bit because now when I walk into the store, people like look at me and stuff.
It's like you're like a celebrity that people like, but people don't know who you are.
You know what I mean?
It's almost like the Wizard of Oz.
Yeah.
Right.
Like you heard he's back there in the beginning of the movie, but then they get there and he's kind of not even around.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's who I am.
Yeah.
Do you like have any thoughts like when it comes to like families and stuff like that?
Like having a family, did you have any thoughts that changed?
I'm just trying to think.
I'm just trying to really, I guess, get into what that's like a little bit.
Like, you know, if your thoughts kind of.
Are you just the same person, but you're just, you look like a woman now?
I think that's more like that.
Yeah.
It's more like I'm the same person, except I guess kind of embrace my feminine qualities.
Like, yeah, I do the limp wrist thing and I don't care that my voice sometimes like sounds like kind of, you know, girly or whatever.
You know, I don't care.
I'm not trying to be macho anymore.
Ah.
Like, yeah, my friend told me to get a girlfriend, he goes, like, you're too flowy, you know, to get a girlfriend.
You got to like walk like this.
And I'm like putting up my shoulders right now.
So it's like a peacock.
You'll get fucked if you do this all the time.
I was like, oh, man, it's really stiff, man.
Like, I can't do that all the time.
So that's the main difference, I think.
Was there a girl or something you had apologized to that you hooked up with before?
No.
No.
There have been girls I've had to apologize for other reasons.
Yeah, but it has nothing to do with the gender thing.
Did you feel like immediately you could get in some legit fights with bitches before that you couldn't get into?
I didn't think about the fighting aspect of it.
Like if you hit a girl now, are you off the hook or you're still, oh, Robert hit that bitch?
I don't know.
I just wouldn't feel right to hit a woman.
Would you have felt, I mean, yeah, look, I agree.
Yeah.
You know, I'm not out here, you know, I'm not, you know, supporting that.
But did you feel any differently before?
That's a really interesting question.
No, I feel I actually feel exactly the same way as I did before.
Like, it would be as wrong.
What did your father think about it?
Oh, my dad?
What do you transgender?
What do you mean?
It's just my son wears that for comedy.
Oh, he still thinks that?
Yeah.
After three years, even though he sees me like this sometimes, like just walking around, it's like he sees like a fucking censored person or something.
He doesn't even acknowledge it.
God, that must be crazy and fun to be in that brain.
Just how everything's just kind of whatever.
Yeah, he doesn't know he raised two lesbians, you know.
Oh, shit, I shouldn't have said that on the air.
That's okay.
We'll pretend that your sister isn't a lesbian.
Look, everybody's pretty much...
Yeah, that's exactly right.
I mean, I think everyone should be.
Yeah.
Yeah, it just makes sense.
I don't know.
I just think women are beautiful, and I love women so much, you know?
Like, to look like this and sound like this and to say that I love women, what sucks is that, you know, it's been portrayed as if you're a guy and you're straight on TV and you're like, oh, I love women.
It's like, oh, that's a gay dude.
And he's suppressing it.
But like, I actually sound and talk like that.
And I like women, but I don't like dudes.
And it's hard to prove that when you sound and talk like this.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, do you have to prove to, did you have to prove, like, you have a girlfriend now?
Right.
Do you have to prove that you had a penis at first?
You're like, look, I promise I got a dick in here somewhere.
Or did she – Oh, your girlfriend was with you before.
Yeah, she was with me as Robert, and then she stuck with me through the transition.
Yeah, we have a show about it.
We do the unconventional lesbians show.
We talk about our whole relationship and how I can do it.
Where can I watch that at?
We perform like that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We have one coming up in June, I think.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah, we'll put the link into that.
Yeah.
If I were like, what kind of person out there would maybe have the same thing that you have?
Like, what clues would they have if they had this?
You know, if they had this kind of wild condition?
I think.
Is it a wild condition?
But I would say that the most important thing for me is that everyone's journey is kind of different.
You know, like some people have not had the experience I had where it's like, I always knew and then I didn't know.
Some people just kind of figured it out one day.
And I kind of don't ask people how they figured it out, I guess.
It doesn't matter.
Yeah, it just doesn't matter to me.
Is there still something that like, did you get, like, did the gay lesbian community kind of latch it?
Like, was there, do you feel like there's a whole connection there?
Do you feel like not connected to that world?
Do you just feel like you're on your own path?
No, I was surprised by how open they were to me.
They like welcomed me with open arms.
You know, I was like, I'll never forget that they did that for me.
I needed a new family afterwards, basically.
And they were my family for a while.
But I don't know.
Not as much anymore, I think.
I think I'm figuring out who I am and I'm just kind of, I'm kind of like someone that likes to say something for the first time.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
And that's like has nothing to do with gender.
I just my arrogance, you know?
So like got put in a box by society.
I'm transgender.
And then your transgender people were like, oh, this is how you do it.
I'm like, no, fuck you.
I'm not going to, I'm going to be like, so.
Yeah, I'm the buzz all.
Yeah, man.
No, I'm not even.
Yeah, I'm different than all you transgender people, huh?
Yeah, even more different.
Yeah, even more different than you.
So that's where I am right now.
Do you ever worry or not even worry, but do you ever think, fuck, you know, like, maybe that's a part of what even led me into this was just an ego to really be unique?
No, no, absolutely not.
I know it's real because like, dude, you know how like people who are like hate gay people like end up being gay?
I was like, dude, I hated trans people.
Like I fucking hated them.
Like I'd watch like my girlfriend tried to get me to watch Transparent on Amazon.
And I was just watching it and I was screaming at the TV like, what, what?
Fucking I have to call this dude she?
What kind of fucking world is this?
And I would just like yell at, you know, like yell at the TV.
And then, and then as I'm yelling, I don't remember I said this.
And I'm like, you know, in some kind of life, I would have been, I would have asked people to call me she.
That'd be fucking awesome.
But you don't see me fucking whining about it.
And she was like, she's like, are you transgender?
And I was like, I don't fucking want to talk about it.
I slammed the door.
I don't remember I said that.
So it was almost like this alternate you said it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Did you ever feel like a little woman inside of you like crying out for help or crying out to be noticed or any of those things?
I didn't feel like any of that stuff.
Yeah, I don't know what that would feel like.
Did you ever see a movie and be like, oh, yeah.
I want to fuck that cartoon or something like Brave?
No.
You think Brave's hot or not?
Who's Brave?
Brave is like this gent.
She's like an Irish archer, and she was a child star on Disney or something like that, but it's a cartoon.
It's a drawing.
It's not a real child.
It sounds like you think that she's hot.
Is it okay to say, I'll fuck a cartoon, but not knowing what age it is?
I don't know.
I guess we'll figure out.
A little bit worried about that all of a sudden.
I remember I watched this movie called The Joya Luck Club, and it was like all Asian women.
And dude, that movie made me cry like nine times, man.
I just watch it, and I would relate to these Asian women, but I'm like, that's weird.
I'm not an Asian woman, but that's like the movie that I watch that I'll think about all the time.
Yeah.
Why?
Because there's a feeling in there then that you must really relate to.
Yeah, like the not being listened to by society and the things that Asian women have to go through.
Yeah, it's just like weird.
Like, I don't remember the specifics, but I remember like I can put myself in their shoes and like that's how I would feel.
And then it feels tragic, you know.
Like, did you feel like you used to hurt a lot more and now you don't?
Yeah, actually, yeah.
A lot of my women friends weren't really surprised when I came out.
They were like, oh my God, that makes so much sense.
Because they would always tell me, it's like, you think like a woman?
Because we would talk about life and stuff.
And then they would talk about boys and I would talk about girls.
And the way I talked about girls was like different than any guy they knew.
Because I wouldn't, you know, be like, oh, yeah, I like her or whatever.
I'd be like, man, the way that she, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.
Like, look at what she IM'd me.
Look at why she IM'd me.
What do you think I see this means?
Like, that's why we got it.
I would do that.
And then they're like, you're a fucking girl.
And I'm like, no, fuck you.
I like her a lot.
I like her a lot.
Damn.
Dude, see, you were low-key.
All this time you thought you had a lot of friends who were girls and you were low-key trying to fuck them all.
But as a woman?
Yeah.
No, no, I was crazy.
No, no, no, wait.
You know what's funny is No, I wasn't trying to fuck them all.
And that's kind of what a different, like, my guy friends wouldn't understand.
I had a lot of female friends, and I was attracted to all of them, but they would always be like, you want to fuck all your female friends?
And I'd be like, no, actually, I don't.
Like, I like their company.
They'd be like, oh, so if you're saying right now, if so-and-so is like, I want to fuck you, you'd say no.
And I'm like, I didn't say I would say no.
I'm saying that I don't doesn't think it's like, no, if you wouldn't say no.
Like, I think guys look at it like more black and white.
Yeah.
And women look at it more gray.
Yeah.
I'm like, I can be attracted to someone and then not want to fuck them.
Yeah.
And then like, if they wanted to fuck me, I might have a weak moment or whatever.
I think that's more, that's more female.
Yeah.
And that's how I still look at it.
I was at this party one time and this dude wanted to hook up with this chick really bad and everybody's drunk and she's like, if you let my friend who is homosexual blow you, then I'll fucking hook up with you, right?
And he's like, all right.
You know?
So this dude blew him and then she didn't let the fucking dude hook up with her.
Oh, that's awful.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, This dude just got blown.
Did he have a good time?
Huh?
Did he enjoy himself?
I mean, you know, it was, I think, 4th of July.
That's pretty funny.
But the thing is that I remember there was this one game, this fraternity played I went up to, and it was at this was in Ithaca, New York.
They had a school up there called Cornell or Cornelius?
I don't know.
Cornelius, maybe?
Cornelius Academy.
Cornell.
Cornell, which one sounds right?
Cornell.
Cornell.
Okay.
Big Red or something was their fucking team name, right?
Stupid.
But they had this game called Don't Wake the Bunny, and they would take marbles, put them in a dude's ass that was passed out, right?
Oh, and whoever woke him up almost, you know, had to drink or whatever.
And I'm like, I don't think that's.
You know, this guy wakes up and has nine Steele's in his ass, you know.
Why isn't that considered gay?
It's a very gay thing to do.
Drawing dicks on your friends' faces and shit.
You know, they're calling me gay.
That's my party, dude.
That's Native American culture, I think.
That's Native American culture.
Chris had a question, too, that we were talking about when I was driving in.
Chris, what was that question you wanted to ask?
I was wondering if you felt like more respected inside of the comedy community or like just in the regular community since you called out.
Oh, yeah, if I'm as respected.
Okay, so I feel like people who don't see me perform respect me a lot less.
Like, they haven't seen me do comedy yet.
I'm like a caricature of a person, but when they've seen me perform, they do this switch and they'll make sure, they'll say this.
Like, it's funny.
Every single person says it, like, wow, you're really funny.
You know what?
Trans has nothing to do with it.
You're just funny.
You know, fuck trans.
You're just a funny person.
I almost said that.
Yeah.
Like, it doesn't even matter.
And I'm like, I didn't say it mattered.
You know, you're the one bringing it up.
So it's like, I'll never get a fair assessment.
So like, back then when I went on stage, right?
Just a little Asian dude.
Little Robert?
Yeah, little Robert would go on stage and people would start laughing already because it's like, Asian people aren't funny.
So the bar, so the, so the bar would be really low.
But dude, you have this crazy also self-hatred for Asian people.
Like, if I see Asian people, I usually think they're pretty funny.
Japanese people seem like they're asleep, but also alive at the same time.
But every other type of Asian to me seems really funny.
No, I don't think.
I think that that's a rare assessment of Asian people, though.
Like, this is how I feel.
Like, if you're Asian, you go on stage, if you can put a complete sentence together, the audience will kind of laugh because they're like, whoa, I didn't know an Asian could put jokes together.
You know, like, that's kind of the race.
But, like, it's like you get like advantage due to racism.
And so now I get an extra advantage because I'm trans because they're like, oh my God, this trans person is actually funny.
Like, it surprises them.
So at the end, they're like really blown away.
I think black people have the opposite problem.
Like, I remember this black guy was at an open mic and the bartender was like, oh, I think this guy's going to be funny.
Yeah.
And I'm like, are you saying that because he's black?
He's like, oh, yeah.
Yeah.
And he was just like a rig.
He was like a brand new comic, been doing it for two weeks.
And he bombed because he's fucking brand new.
So like people were like, oh man, I thought that was going to be like the new fucking Chris Rock or something, you know?
Yeah, there's a lot of expectations, I feel like, on black people.
It's like, you know, it's like with basketball, you know, like you see a tall black guy, you're like, that dude definitely plays basketball or unfortunately works at the airport.
Like that's the way it's, you know, there's just, there's definitely some, you know, stereotypes that are out there.
I can't believe you thought little Asian, this little, do you think Robert was a cool guy now that you're Robin?
No.
I think Robert had moments of, I think Robert tried his best, but definitely like hurt a lot of people.
Like how?
He just said mean things when I was mad, you know, when I would be mad at people and not knowing people's boundaries.
And like, you know, like a girl would block you on AIM, AIM.
I don't know about that, but yeah, I can imagine.
Like, yeah, you get blocked and then you get a new screen name and be like, why did you block me?
Like, I would do shit like that, man.
It was fucked up.
Like, Robert 002.
Yeah.
But, um, yeah, you know, I'm going to go back to the comedy thing for a second.
I think I got a chip on my shoulder about my stand-up because I think I'm really good.
You know, like, I don't think I'm great at a lot of things, but I think I'm a great comedian.
And I, I, one day I wanted to just be that.
I don't want it to be like a great trans comedian or a great Vietnamese comedian or whatever.
I think that's the biggest chip on my shoulder I have right now.
Well, I respect you for being honest about that because I think that that's hard for something to be on for people to be honest about sometimes is A, to say that we're good about something without, you know, sometimes I battle if like that's my ego talking if I were to say that or if that's a low self-confidence.
But to say that, you know, and hear you say that, I respect you saying that.
And I agree.
Like I saw your comedy and I didn't know what to think of you.
Like I didn't know.
I met you through Roast Battle.
Right.
You know, and Roast Battle, for people who aren't familiar, it's where two comedians basically like insult each other with jokes and then judges get to judge.
Yeah.
And was that when Jim Carrey was there?
No.
No, no, it was a different night.
I think you were there the night I was battling Connor McSpadden.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yes.
Yes, I was.
And I was like, what?
I just never seen anyone like you before.
Yeah.
You know, and then after that, I went home and watched your comedy and I was like, holy shit, this lady is like, this bitch is kind of hardcore a little bit.
Like, transgender is kind of a secondary thing, but it's weird because it's the thing you see first.
Right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But it's not your only thing.
Some people, and this might be a generalization, I don't give a fuck if it is, really, but they hang their hat on, oh, this is my thing.
You know, like you'll meet gay guys and like, I'm gay, you know, or black people and I'm just, you know, I'm, you know, you know, you know what I'm saying?
Black power, you know, brown power, blacks, whatever.
We can't do it.
We, all we do is do it, you know?
Yeah.
Just like, just hold on for a second, guy.
Let me get on board here.
Or you'll meet a white guy that's just like, you know, fucking white.
You know, man, this shit, this, you know, we got to whiten up.
You know what I'm saying?
Paint your fucking friends white, dude.
Yeah.
You know, dip somebody in fucking white water.
Yeah.
Like, what is white water?
Yeah.
But.
I got trans jokes, but they're always like, they're always like, I switch to expectation of what I'm going to say.
Like, like, I'll say, like, man, I want to be one of those trans, I want to be a trans woman that just starts shit for no reason.
Like, just walk into a store and be like, Why doesn't your women's restroom have any urinals?
Like, I'll say shit like that, where it's like, that's not a cool thing to say.
You know, like, I think it is cool because you're not taking the normal path of like, I'll say something that's evil so that the crowd doesn't expect me to just say nice things.
You know, I'll say a lot of evil shit.
I'll see if I can turn on, get them to turn on me first, and then I'll do comedy to see to see how, to see how good these jokes really are.
Well, see, that takes me back to a little bit more of like, do you like it?
There's something inside of me, I know, this, in my life, that I wanted to make things, and whether I did it consciously or not, that I wanted to make things hard on myself.
Yeah.
Because there was something inside of me that, like, if life wasn't, like, I was so used to feeling some type of a hurt or some type of uncomfort, that if I didn't keep things there somehow, that I wasn't, like, I wouldn't even know what was going on.
Yeah, I know what you're saying, but I think if I stayed as Robert, that would have been the harder path.
This is the easier path for me.
Like, the outside world might be a little tougher, but I feel like I can look at people now, you know, and I'd never give that up.
So, so you know, so there's no doubt that this is your truth.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Wow, that's cool.
Yeah.
Because some people, I think a lot of times we walk around just not knowing.
And maybe sometimes for some people, it's a gender thing.
For some people, I think it could even be like a job thing.
You're in a job and you're like, I don't, this, you know, this doesn't fit me, you know?
But I walk by a paint store every day and I'm just fucking.
Maybe I want to be a painter.
You know, I think, but you know what I'm saying?
Like, I think, you know, people don't know where they fit.
No, why?
I still have that.
Just not with the gender thing.
I see.
Like, you know, I had this moment about Rose Battle.
Like, I'm like, should I be doing this?
Like, because, like, am I selling out my, my gender for laughs?
Or am I being a badass and I'm stepping in?
You know, like, I have that moment where I'm like, is this cool that I'm doing this?
And I still like question myself all the time.
Like, did I get this opportunity because I'm whatever?
And it's like, and if I take it, am I a token?
But then I think like, fuck it.
You know, your life's been tough enough.
Just take it and then like blow them away.
Like, like, make it so that you got there because of your gender or whatever.
And then once you're there, it's like, wow, we should have actually just got you because you were good.
You know, it's funny you say that because I think the same exact thing sometimes about, you know, like whenever I started in comedy, I worked in reality television.
You know, just as a kid, I mean, I was a kid at school.
Right.
And I basically won a contest, you know, and ended up on a show.
And I felt like that.
I didn't even know what I wanted to be or anything.
I didn't know that I wanted to be a comedian yet.
And then people would judge me kind of for that or have a look in their eye or have a thing, you know, and it made it, that's the only thing that drove me for about eight, nine years was that I'm going to show these people that I'm fucking good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I have the same drive.
Because I didn't know that I wanted to be a comedian.
You know, whatever was going on before that, I was a child, 19. I was a teenager, technically.
And, you know, but I'm going to show these, like, it just, that's what put that chip on my shoulder.
That's what made me, that was my stand, you know?
Yeah.
I think it's more like we get doors open for us that wouldn't be normally open.
And it's like, that's good, but then they look at you once the door is open, like, all right, we're just letting you in because we want to see you.
Yeah.
We just want to take a peek.
Yeah.
We almost let you in just because we wanted to judge you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's how I feel a little bit.
And that city, this city's full of that.
Yeah.
It's crazy how gross it is out here sometimes, even though it's supposed to be so accepting.
Do you notice any of that?
Oh, I don't.
Well, I don't live in LA, but whenever I visit, it feels like everyone's trying to get on TV or like everyone is acting like there's a camera already on them.
I went to the In-N-Out with my girlfriend.
We were like looking around and we was like, everyone here is dressed up like they're on camera.
Like, what the fuck?
This is so weird.
Like everywhere else, like people, it's like one in the morning.
You would be dressed in your pajamas or whatever, you know, but that's how, that's what I know.
It's a lot of like plastic people here.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What did you learn about love from your girlfriend from staying with you through that transition?
I learned that if someone loves you enough, they'll stick by you through anything.
That's like, I don't know.
I'm kind of blown away that she stuck with me because when I came out, I was like, I'm about to throw away my relationship.
That's what I thought.
Because people were thinking, like, oh, what, was this like a du-woo thing?
Like, you know, she's a feminist.
She does a joke about it.
Like, people think that, like, she made me a woman.
Like, she's like, or whatever.
Like a Frankenstein, huh?
Yeah, yeah, but it wasn't that at all.
No, I just learned that, I know it's kind of corny, but like, love kind of conquers all.
But I also learned that if you love yourself enough, you will throw away everything to be who you are.
The fact that I was able to like come out and go, my mom might not love me anymore.
My dad might not talk to me anymore.
My material is going to be gone.
My girlfriend.
My girlfriend might leave me, but like, I need to do this right now for me.
That's, that's what love is to me.
Yeah.
Damn.
That's powerful.
It's so hard for us to make choices sometimes that we know are the best for ourselves.
Yeah.
You know, that was an easy one for me.
It was an easy one?
It was easy as in, like, I know this is what I got to do, but the consequences were going to be the most difficult.
Oh, but looking at the stack and the consequences, that's when it really got.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's so hard, man, sometimes to make the decision that we know is like the truest for us.
Yeah.
You know, or even the right decision, like in the face of even little things like standing up for somebody, whenever somebody else is, you know, fucking with someone and you're making fun of somebody and you're right there.
Yeah.
You know, or even like, you know, like when someone's like, oh, do you remember so-and-so?
Or do you know so-and-so?
Even if you don't, just being like, you're always like, yeah, oh yeah, I remember them or I know them.
You know, it's like we just don't want to be, I don't know if it's wrong.
We just, I don't know, are not included.
We just, we don't want anything that makes us feel left out.
Yeah.
No, I hear you.
I know what you're saying.
I don't know.
I guess I'm kind of used to not being part of a group.
Like I've always been the weird one in the group, every group I've ever been in.
Maybe it's on purpose, I don't know.
Maybe I'm just pushing people away for no reason.
Who knows, right?
Like maybe it's all subconscious.
Do you get any clues in any of that ever?
Whenever I'm in a group and I get comfortable, I kind of think like, am I an individual anymore?
Like, and I kind of freak out a little bit.
Like, I like hanging out with people one-on-one, but in a group, I fucking freak out, dude.
Like, I don't want to be part of a group.
I want to be my own person.
And so it's very isolating.
Well, what are you scared of?
That the group might what?
No, that I might be part of a group and I'm not myself anymore.
Like, you look at a group, you know, and you can't be like, oh, that person's the best or whatever.
Right, because it's a group.
It's a group.
You know, I want to be like an island.
Like, that's how fucking good I am.
Like, I transcend all of it.
So that's kind of a mental illness, I think, is like this narcissism I have, you know, to want to be the best and to want to be the most unique and all that stuff.
And to be away from groups.
Would you be surprised if something else, like, so now you've switched into a different gender, if, you know, you came up one day and took it to, took, you know, found another thing in life that makes us more unique or more rare or more separate and you chose that as well?
Would you be shocked if your brain started to lead you there?
Would you then think like, oh, maybe this is a clue that, you know, there's something going on that I'm not seeing?
I don't know.
And I'm not trying to lead you to that.
I'm just thinking about that.
I hear what you're saying.
I think that the fact that transgender is so rare is a coincidence.
Like, if it was that, if my truth was that I'm gay, which is like kind of more common now, then I would have said that.
You know, like, if I saw like there's like a group of people who are like, they're going to come out and there's even less of them and they're even more oppressed, I wouldn't be like, maybe I can do that.
You know, I don't think that that would be the case.
Yeah.
I would, there would be part of me that would be like, man, that would be fucking awesome, man.
I could be even more unique.
Of course, that exists.
Yeah.
But it's not, it wouldn't be like I would go through with it or I would feel it or anything.
I've got a couple questions over Tan just on the way in.
Do you have any regrets about what?
About my life?
About switching over to being a woman.
Nope.
Do you ever get the feeling that your body is just like a shell and that there's that your being is more?
Does that make any sense?
I wish I did.
I hate my body.
Yeah.
It seems fucking gross.
Yeah.
Did you hate it as much before as you do now?
That hasn't changed.
Has it a better day?
I hate it more than I used to.
Really?
Because I'm more critical of myself.
Like when I came out, I started noticing all these pimples on my face.
Like I didn't give a shit before as a guy.
And then as a girl, it was like, oh my God, you got to cover that up.
Oh, my God.
You know, you got to cover up the fat.
You got to get clothes that fit well.
Were you more self-conscious now?
Yeah, I'm way more self-conscious now.
Like, when I feel fat, that's when I wish I was a guy.
Because feeling like a fat girl is really fucking awful, you know, because fat girls get treated so horribly.
Oh.
You ever seen a fat girl eat a snow cone in the rain?
No.
Beautiful.
Do you think that Do you feel like there's something inside of you that covets feeling more rare or pushes you towards separation?
Yeah, but I don't think that has to do with gender.
With gender.
Yeah.
But so you're able to notice, like, okay, this was one thing that was definite and true and sure.
Yeah.
And then that these other things are just regular things or just other things about me.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I separate those things.
Did you ever concern, worry that that was one and the same?
I feel like that would be a huge concern then, like, holy shit, I just have this ego or something inside of me.
No, it never feels that way.
I think it's more like people perceive it that that could be it.
And then I think I could see where they're coming from, and I can't explain to them how that's not the case, you know?
That's the frustration for me is I can't explain how separate they are.
I think you've done a good job here just talking because it's very, it makes, I believe it.
Yeah.
And it's clear.
And that would be, I wasn't a concern how whenever you came in.
It's just something that I thought about as we're talking.
Okay.
I remember when I was young, my brother and I, there's a photo of us putting on my mother's dress, you know, because my mother raised us.
Yeah.
And we had on my mother's dresses.
And he had on, we're on her bed, like just playing as kids, you know.
And my brother was very, he had like kind of tanned skin.
He looked at people called us Mexicans all the time because we had, you know, kind of, you know, a little bit of olive skin.
Right.
And my brother was pretty dark.
They would call us spic and they would use race with blurs and stuff.
But I mean, there was nobody around, you know, so I was like, fuck.
Yeah.
You know, you're only going to call that because you're basically, you could have been in a fire once and people were like, look at this spic.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, those are third-degree burns.
Sometimes it's just difference.
You know, when people don't have anything or they're not, you know, this touch on education, sometimes it's difference that makes people point.
But I remember I was putting on these dresses of my mother's and he had the kind of beige one or the pink one and I had the purple one.
Yeah.
And I'm fucking honored.
All I remember is I just remember, man, I bet he wishes he had this purple.
Yeah.
And I don't know what that means.
I don't know if it means anything.
Yeah.
Except that I look pretty good in a purple, you know.
I always loved pink, man.
Did you?
Oh, I loved it.
I still do, man.
Like, I wore a pink top to like the first day of the taping.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Just a bit.
That's the first outfit I bought, what you saw.
That's why I have a special connection to it.
Have any guys come up to you or girls come up to you and asked you for advice in that world?
Yeah.
He's like, how do you do your makeup?
How do you accessorize?
No, advice in navigating your own genes and thoughts.
No, I get more asked for advice about just cosmetic stuff.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's wild.
I mean, I feel like I'm talking with a woman.
Yeah, because you are, you know.
Yeah.
I like it, dude.
Yeah, we've got to do some shows.
One of these ages come out on the road with me somewhere.
I would love to.
Would your crowd like me, you think?
Yeah, I think.
No.
Yeah.
100%.
Chris Perez is here, man.
He's Latino, dude.
And he's non-practicing, pretty much.
I always felt like the joke I had with Leo is that I always like, man, our audiences probably hate each other.
You know what I mean?
Like, the audience that likes me probably doesn't like you, and the audience that likes you probably doesn't like me.
We both have bad hair, kind of.
I think my hair looks great.
I mean, it's better than mine.
But when people saw the picture of us together, like, they were like, in what fucking universe are these two hanging out?
So that, you know, I would love to, man.
I'd love to go on the road and do comedy and stuff.
Yeah.
Well, good.
Because I'd love to take you out there sometime.
Do you feel like other diverse people, like black people, are like, oh, fuck, this bitch trumps us.
You know what I'm saying?
Do you ever get that?
I feel like white guys look at me that way.
Yeah.
I think it's like, I don't want to say it's a hard time for white guys in comedy, but I'm going to say it's not really a commodity as it used to be, right?
Like people are looking for diversity now.
Yeah.
But who knows how long that'll last?
Well, it's what made me think either, like, we need somebody that's diverse and that's unique.
And I was thinking, well, who would look kind of unique to me who would come across as smarter than me?
Yeah.
And I was like, oh, maybe this girl, Robin Tran, would do it.
And I'm like, is her real last name really Tran?
Well, I couldn't remember your last name.
And then I'm like, it's Tran.
Yeah.
Well, that's one of my first jokes.
Yeah, it's my real name.
It's not.
Like, you didn't have to look far for clues.
Yeah.
I didn't just come out for the pun.
They jeopardize everything for a pun.
That's a long way for a joke.
Well, thanks for coming here and just sitting in and chatting with us and thinking about stuff.
Of course, man.
Thanks so much for having me.
Yeah, I appreciate it.
Let's do it again soon.
Yeah, sure.
I'd love to.
Cool.
We'll put all Robin's links and everything at the bottom of the episode.
And I'll see you guys this week.
I'm going to be in New Jersey.
I'll see you guys there.
And what else?
I think that's it.
As always, thank our sponsor, Gray Block Pizza.
And anything else, Chris?
No, that's it.
Thank you all for the time.
Cool, thanks, man.
Yeah, we don't have Chris mic'd up, but we'll get him mic'd up next time.
And thank you guys for listening, Robin.
Thanks so much.
Thanks so much for having me, man.
Yeah, I'll see you later.
Take care.
Take care.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
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