Back from Maui. Talking starting sashimi, quitting ciggys, and catching up with Trick Lung Mickey. More information on Mickey Original Call: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6IBdpwCqUBU Mickey’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mickeyyourfine GoFundMe: https://www.gofundme.com/cysticfibrosislungs ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Music Intro: Shine by Bishop Gunn YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3A_coTcUek iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/shine/1367188677?i=1367188711 Outro: Celebrate by Spencer Jacob https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DRfasFYePJo ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Man Up - Comedy Central Pilot based off the Podcast Episode 1 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_F2AuyEbCI0& Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ComedyCentral/videos/540480146346331/ Episode 2 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTxLcmKlA4Q& Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ComedyCentralCentral/videos/539377409789938/ Episode 3 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTxLcmKlA4Q& Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ComedyCentralCentral/videos/539380113123001/ -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Support Our Sponsors Timesuck Podcast from Dan Cummins https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/timesuck-with-dan-cummins/id1156343076?mt=2 Ridge Wallet https://www.ridgewallet.com/theo Use code “theo” for 10% off your order Greyblock Pizza https://www.greyblockpizza.com ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Theo Von Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/theovon Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theovon/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheoVon Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theo.von Reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/TheoVon/ ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Days of Gunt-er Patreon Gunt Squad: Alaskan Rock Vodka Angelo Raygun Renee Nicol Matthew Snow Stephanie Claire Steve Corlew Ryan Wolfe Carla Huffman Ben Limes Alexis Caniglia Stoody Stepfan Jefferies David Smith Logan Yakemchuk megan Wrynn Aidan Duffy MEDICATED VETERAN Ken Comstock Dan Ray Audrey Harlan Matthew Popov kristen rogers Josh Cowger Kelly Elliott Mark Glassy Dwehji Majd Jason Haley Jameson Flood Jason Bragg Cory Alvarez Christopher Christensen Scott Lucy Ben Deignan Cody Cummings Shannon Schulte Aaron Stein Ken Melvin Lorell “Loretta†Ray Stacy Blessing Andy Mac Campbell Hile John Kutch Adriana Hernandez Jeffrey Lusero Alex Hitchins Joe Dunn Kennedy Joey Piemonte Robyn Tatu Beau Adams Yoga Shawn-Leigh henry Laura Williams Not Even Wrong Xela Person Mona McCune Suzanne O'Reilly Rashelle Raymond Chad Saltzman James Bown Brian Szilagyi Arielle Nicole Greg H Dave Engelman Dylan Clune Calvin Doyle Robert Doucette Jacob Ortega Jesse Witham Andrea Gagliani Scott Swain William Morris Qie Jenkins Aaron Jones Jon Ross Kevin Best Haley Brown Ned Arick J Garcia Lauren Cribb Ty Oliver Tom in Rural NC Christian from Bakersfield Matthew Holland Charley Dunhamac Casey RobertsSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Today's episode is brought to you by Gray Block Pizza.
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You know, I once stood shirtless with Dan the man Cummings, overlooking the African Serengeti, and I asked him a question about something or other, and he talked for about an hour about it.
Chatted, chatted.
And I left that conversation feeling fulfilled to the max about whatever I'd asked him about.
And I like to think that Dan turned that African moment into today what is a juggernaut podcast.
But the truth is that he always had it in him.
If the internet had a Magellan, that man Magellan is the human squirrel, Dan Cummins.
His podcast, Time Suck, takes you on a weekly delve beneath the layers, thoroughly exploring and explaining a single listener-suggested topic each Monday in his own irreverent and entertaining style.
Everything from menthol cigarettes, bees with autism, historical events, Loch Ness mice, paranormal encounters, conspiracy theories, cryptoology, and more.
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right.
Get in there.
Get in there.
Come on now.
Come with me here.
I'm here.
Are you?
I'm just sitting on your front porch wondering how could I be so far from my home?
Come on now.
Yeah.
And my mind is somewhere else.
But when I find it, I'll patch up where it's been thrown.
Patch that thing up.
Brain work.
Now I'm just floating on the breeze.
And I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
I must be cornerstone.
Come on.
Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this piece of mind I found.
I can feel it in my bones.
Oh, I can feel it in my bones.
But it's gonna take a little time for me to set that pocket break and let myself unwind shine on me.
I'll sit and tell you my story Shine on me And I will find a song I'll sing it just for you.
Shine your light on me.
I'll find that song and I will sing it just for you.
Thank you guys so much for being here.
It is, who knows when it is, man?
It's existence.
That's what it is.
That's when it is.
That is a song called Shine.
And the band is called Bishop Gun.
Bishop Gun.
And they are a new band.
And you can check them out, the links to their iTunes and that.
And YouTube and stuff.
And they have that new single out.
And I have a relationship to this band.
When I was in college and out of high school, my best friend actually had a, his brother-in-law owned a farm up in Natchez, Mississippi.
And actually, it was right along the Mississippi River, the farm was, but the family lived in Natchez.
Or Natchez, as some people say it.
And Natchez is just this dirty little sultry taffy box just nestled in an elbow crook of the Mississippi River up there.
And it's just got so many skeletons in its closet.
You could fucking smell the bone marrow from 200 miles outside of town.
But I would go up there in the summers and I would stay with this family and I would work on their farm.
And I would do farm stuff.
You know, I'd move seed.
I'd fertilize.
I'd chew tobacco.
I'd stand around and think about the weather.
We would look, we would shoot at snakes after lunch.
We would eat really big tomatoes.
What else would we do?
I painted, fucking ruined a bunch of shit.
I broke a truck.
I lost probably about $2,000 worth of tools into a huge, like kind of a huge little pond.
Yeah, just did it all, you know, young work.
And the man had a family, and he had a wife and three children, and I got to know the family well over the years.
And the man died.
My buddy died.
His name was Richard Sharp, and he passed away.
He suffered from addiction.
And I don't think I'm, you know, letting ghost out of his lamp.
I think that's okay.
But he was a good friend of mine, and he was somebody that I admired.
He was more of a mentor in a way, but he had three sons, and one of them now has a band.
And he's the drummer in this band called Bishop Gun.
And that's their single right there that just came out.
And that song is called Shine.
Let that parking brake And let myself go wild Shine that light on me Shine it, baby.
I'll slip and tell you my story.
So anyway, if you want to check that out, you can.
But I'm just so proud of the young fella.
And I know his father would be very proud of him as well and is wherever he is.
Thank you guys for being here with me, man.
It is, it's Monday.
It's April 30th.
And this is it.
We are here.
We are here again in the timeline of existence in the year 2018 out here in the universe.
And what have I been doing, man?
I went to Maui.
I went to Maui and got some of that sunshine.
And dude, I don't know if you've ever been to Hawaii or Maui or any of this, you know, but first of all, everybody goes to bed at like 9 o'clock at night.
So you wake up at fucking 6.30 in the morning and you're fresh.
Like you were like, it's like you're a regular person.
I went to bed at 9 o'clock at night, two nights in a row.
And I hadn't done that since probably junior high school.
When was the last time you went to bed at 9 o'clock?
No, I go to bed at 1 o'clock after masturbating and after laying there in my own shame.
That is more my pattern.
So to go to bed at 9, I mean, if anybody, nobody's awake past 9 o'clock on the whole island.
Like you don't, I mean, unless they're burglars and it's just burglars just talking to other burglars, I guess, outside, because nobody else, natural, regular humans, non-burglars, are awake.
And man, it's just relaxing.
It was just relaxing, man.
Got to spend some time over there, you know, with this little gal.
You know, I've been spending a little bit of time here and there.
And what up, dude?
Caught some sunshine.
And dude, you get out in the ocean out there and it's just that salty.
It's like a big fucking salty dog just licking at your whole body.
I mean, it just, the ocean is just a big, just a big damp, salty tongue just wandering around up in all of your crevasses, you know, and just washing you and fucking just, I mean, you get that salt water into your brain and it just takes away all of the dirty thoughts and all of the dark arts that have just been coagulating in your sound holes when it gets, you know, when that water gets into your ears.
And you got the sun, man.
When the sun hits you there, you can just feel the Lord just touching your titties with his UV arms.
And it is, I mean, it was awesome.
If you have not been, because I always thought Hawaii, man, fuck them, you know?
It's people out there, you know, molesting fish and, you know, eating, you know, fresh pineapple, but outside of that, just molesting fish and, you know, and hiding, you know, and hiding in like a place that's like a fake Vietnam, you know, kind of like a fancy Vietnam, but without all the action.
But the truth is, you get over there onto that island or any of them, I think.
But Maui is where I was, and you just, oh man, you, you, I just felt, I felt peaceful.
I felt peaceful.
And then to go get a coffee in the morning.
Man, I had a piece of fish over there.
I had some, I don't know what it was, tuna, some tuna sashimi.
And sashimi, that shit is straight up ninja style.
It's like a ninja just ran up on a, you know, maybe a fish was waiting at the bank or something, waiting in line, and then a ninja just came in and just and next thing you know, you got nine little, just grams of sashimi.
And some people, you know, it's just fresh cut little chunks.
Dude, this fish was so fresh, dude.
I mean, you could see other fish, like we were sitting by this restaurant, you know, looking out on the water, there's other fish still looking for this fish.
Like he just left the group.
Like he just swam off.
And next thing you know, the chef was out there on a cigarette break, snatch, skin, and then bam, sashimi.
And I put a chunk in my jaw and then eat the rest.
Some people, they get their sashimi, they have it piece at a time, piece at a time, piece at a time, piece at a time.
Fuck that, bruh.
I ain't no wuss, dude.
When it come to putting down fresh fish, son, man, my hands, I get going fast on that shit.
You know, I get out there, boy.
I got that carp old tunnel.
You feel me?
Because I got that, you know, I do that.
I fucking put, you know, I feel that fish up and I put a chunk in my jaw.
I put two hits of that sashimi in my jaw, and then I have the rest natural face first.
But man, it was beautiful.
And I never thought Hawaii, you know, you always hear about Hawaii, but I'm like, oh, everybody likes Hawaii.
You know, it's everybody.
It's something everybody does.
But man, Maui is where it's at.
If you want to go feel something, and if you want to wake up refreshed, damn, I felt like sashimi in the morning.
I just felt refreshed.
And so that was a beautiful thing.
That was awesome.
What else is going on?
They had, you know, they had this, I saw this news thing where they were making fun at the White House dinner or whatever.
They're making fun of the Sarah Huckabee Sanders, you know, the correspondence lady.
And some of this shit, but like, are we supposed to, we are supposed to make fun of women?
We're not supposed to make fun of women.
Like, what's okay?
Because it's like some of this shit just makes me mad.
You know, and I don't know if it makes me mad, but it's like it's all just situational based.
Are we really trying to move forward as a group of people?
You know, I look at that lady.
I don't care what political party she's with, but I look at the lady.
She seems, you know, she's kind of a little bit of, she might be a little homely looking, but she, you know, I look at her and be like, I'm just, you know, I'm excited for a woman has this job.
It's exciting, right?
That's what I feel like I'm, you know, as progress, you know, feeling progressive that that's what I'm supposed to think.
Oh, I'm supportive that, you know, a woman is the face of politics or a face of, you know, things people are talking about.
You know, that's exciting, right?
But then you have other women bash.
It's just, what are we doing?
Are we moving forward or it's just pick and choose?
It's only move forward when you want to move forward.
You know, it's just like, I don't know.
That shit just makes me upset.
Because I look at that lady and I say, look, I'm happy for this lady.
You know, it's nice to see a regular looking lady out there.
You know, she ain't a, you know, she ain't a, she ain't an 11. She ain't a Victoria secret model.
She more of like a Victor loudmouth model, you know?
But she's still out there.
She's still being brave and being, you know, getting in front of reporters, getting in front of the news and saying her piece.
And so I just don't understand sometimes.
It's like you'll, you know, the media will gripe and everything if you point the, you know, you say anything about some women, but other women, it's totally okay.
I just don't get it.
Are we supporting women or we're not supporting women?
Are we supporting people or not supporting people?
It's only beautiful people that, you know, that lady has to be an 11 or a 10 for us to, you know, for the White House correspondence dinner to be nice to her?
Fuck that.
You know, I'm trying to be nice and I'm trying to be nice, son.
You're going to sit here and judge how people look, but then say, don't judge how women look.
What are we doing?
I'm sorry, man.
That stuff just makes me mad.
It just makes me mad.
Because it's not, let's just be fair.
If we, fine, make fun of her.
Make fun of them.
Make fun of also Barbara Bush.
Make fun of Michelle Obama.
Make fun of, you know, Chrissy Taggan.
Everybody.
But you're going to go pick on a lady that's not that attractive just because, it just makes some of that shit just makes me mad.
What are we doing?
You know, onward, bruh.
So I'm over it now.
But sometimes I got to voice some of that stuff, dude, because this shit just gets me crispy.
But I'm going to try to uncrisp myself right now.
Man, we had a lot of great calls that came in.
I'm going to tell you this right now for this episode.
I had a call.
You know, we do follow-ups on this show where we'll have people reach out about things that are going on.
And then, you know, a month later or two months later, we call them, follow up with them and just kind of, you know, check in.
And I did a follow-up with Trick Lung Mickey.
And he, you know, he's a young man that has cystic fibrosis.
And he, you know, he's been on the transplant list for lungs.
And I even thought at first thing, I was like, let's get some lungs through the show.
Let's get him some lungs.
You know, I'll break him off a fucking bag.
You know, I'll break him off a fucking, you know, one of these hot air sacks I'm riding on.
But apparently somebody has to die for you to get their lungs and it has to be a match.
You can't donate lungs to somebody or a lung.
So anyhow, you know, and long story short, you know, Mickey, I met up with him in Tacoma.
He was going to do some stand-up comedy, but then he got really sick and he's been in ICU.
But anyway, we're going to do a follow-up call with him a little bit later on this episode.
And so I was just going to make that a follow-up call that I was going to do today, but that ends up being some of the episode later, man.
Because it was awesome.
It was an awesome experience.
It was an awesome call.
And so in the meantime, from now and then, I'm just going to be just carrying on the regular episode.
But that follow-up call with him turned into the rest of the episode.
And so if things seem a little out of place today, just let him just let it be known.
That's the way things are.
That's just the way that things are.
What else is going on with me?
Man, I'm feeling pretty good today.
You know, I'm struggling with these fighting these cigarettes.
And I, you know, these cigarettes, man, you get a damn.
I mean, these cigarettes, man, what do they put in there?
That shit got me, you know, around my mouth.
I mean, the back of my tongue will water a little bit, so I'm wanting a cigarette around about maybe 10.30 at night.
And I've been doing good, and I had no cigarettes in the daytime, and I had me one cigarette late at night, you know, kind of like a stepdaddy.
But I'd love to get fully off of them.
And here's why.
Because for one, I've been smoking them.
I'm fucking 38, dude.
I'm an adult male.
So, you know, I was out there at 15 hiding under the bleachers, smoking them.
You know, they used to have this girl, Big Sidney, this, I guess she was white.
I don't know.
It was dark out.
But she, we would always get under the bleachers at the football games and take these hits off these cigarettes and blow it into her face.
And she would get fucking sick from it, but she liked it.
You know, she liked, I don't know.
I guess maybe she had bulimia or wanted to have bulimia or something.
I don't know.
She was thick.
Even though it was dark out, you could see that she was, you know, working with some space.
And, you know, she was wearing belts.
She would wear a man's belt.
And when you go a child, a female child, and you're wearing a man's belt, you know, you fucking packing.
You know, you know you'll wear around a lunch table.
You know, she'll wear a man's belt.
And also, she, you know, her mom was real nearsighted.
So I think her mom couldn't see really how big she was.
And so the mom would just always be feeding her up.
And just, you know, they'd have big meals.
I remember a couple of times her mom would come out of school at lunch and they would eat in the car.
Her mom would make a big spread and put her in the back of the car and they'd sit over there and eat, eat over by the fence, by the chain link fence.
And sometimes I'd sit over there and have me a little box of runts or candies and watch her and her mother eat Salisbury steak and all of that in the back of a, what was that?
Could have been a Crown Victoria.
But, but we used to blow cigarette smoke on her under the bleachers and she would vomit.
You know, it was kind of this.
It wasn't like a trick or a party trick or anything, but it was like something to do.
But, you know, that's when I, so I, you know, I'd be, I was puffing out there at a young age and I wasn't buying cigarettes, but I would smoke them every now and then.
You know, I was that occasional hitter, you know.
So you wouldn't catch me, you know, at the, you know, over there at the Sitgo station or over at the Philips 76 or whatever.
You wouldn't catch me out there at that Exxon Mobile, you know, hitting them Winstons.
But if somebody had one, I'd bum that Winston.
And then next thing you know, I'm puffing out.
And most of my life has just been like that.
I puffed out here and there.
But then once I got sober, quit partying, I got me, you know, I started to pick up a little bit of extra cigarettes here and there.
And now it's like about the best I've been doing.
So anyway, but time-wise, that's one reason I need to quit.
I've been doing it.
I've done it.
The second reason for me is that if I fucking, here's the thing, if I'm having a tough moment, instead of sometimes dealing with whatever my tough moment is and figuring out what's actually going on, I go get that hitter.
You know, I go get that.
You know, I go get that.
I put that little, you know, that little carcinogen cooter stick in my mouth and I take that hit.
You know, and I get them cigarettes.
So that's another reason because the cigarettes become my, my, they become what I go to.
Instead of going to, okay, let me solve or try and think about what's going on or feel what my feelings are right now so I can fucking expound on them and try and get better.
Instead, I go get that hitter.
And then, and then I don't deal with my feelings.
I deal with them by having a cigarette.
And then the third thing in a weird way is cigarettes become my God.
They become my higher power.
Because if I'm having a tough moment, then instead of going, oh, man, I need to ask a higher power.
I need to ask the universe or I need to ask my God what's going on or, you know, ask him for some guidance, instead, I'll get that hitter.
So those are the three reasons why I would like to quit.
But it's hard.
It is hard, man.
They got that shit gripping us.
And they got that shit gripping us.
What else?
Oh, the man up.
I want to thank everybody, man.
I want to thank you.
If you're listening right now, be supportive.
Go subscribe.
Be a part of this past weekend because, you know, we need it all.
And we got a show now that was on Comedy Central.
It's just a pilot.
So they took a pilot episode.
They broke it into a couple of segments, three segments, and all of them are out there.
So there are three different episodes that are out there.
They're each about like 12 minutes long.
You can watch them on Facebook and you can share them.
Or you can watch them on YouTube and you can share them.
But here's the thing.
Go share them because they're based on this podcast.
And they're all real calls that came into the podcast.
One of them has Bobby Lee in it because his girlfriend called in.
But the other ones are just people that called in to the hotline, 985-664-9503.
And then we responded to the calls and got those people out and made real episodes that you can now watch on Comedy Central.
It's online.
But we're hoping to get to a TV show.
So go out there and share it.
Comment.
Tell them, look, this needs to be a show.
Because I don't know, some of the shit they be putting on television.
No.
But I'm ready to, you know, if we get this past weekend out there and we're going to do some good stuff.
But man, I was sitting at home and then somebody sent me the link and I'm like, wow, man, look what we did.
Look what we did.
I don't do this.
This is team effort.
This team effort.
We meet up here each week and we do this shit, boy.
Like a couple of fucking dirty stallions.
You know, like a couple of dirty horses that come up here and just press their fucking chests up against each other.
You know, and just not, just put their dirty knees up in each other's fucking armpits.
And that's how we do that.
But I'm grateful, so go check it out, man up.
And it's based on this past weekend.
You can see the this past weekend logo right in the beginning.
And who knows?
It's out of my control if it becomes a TV show, if it doesn't become a TV show.
I don't care.
I mean, do I care?
A little bit.
I would like for it to, but that's out of my control.
What's in my control is what we already did.
I know what we did is good.
You know, I know we got a guy out there on roller skates and everybody's, you know, the other, there's one episode, people are puffing on that green, You know, getting that fucking, that, that, that broccolaki up in their brain lungs on that puff puff.
And I'm sitting there too.
I sat in there while they got high.
Now, for me, look, man, that doesn't test my sobriety.
They want to get high, that's fine.
You know, I'm good.
But we still went out there and partied in that phone.
We got on roller skates and we acted like we weren't on roller skates.
And it was a blast.
So check it out.
I hope you enjoy it.
But thank you at the same time.
Thank you for being a part of whatever we're doing here and making things happen.
What else?
What else is going on or been on my brain?
Oh, I'm going skydiving this week.
So it's kind of scary.
It has die in it.
So that's kind of alarming.
I've been thinking about that.
I still can't believe that lady got fucking sucked out of an airplane.
What?
Can you imagine that?
Unless the person you're next to is so aggravating, bruh, and then their window breaks and they get sucked out.
I would be like, oh, fuck.
You know, somebody was Snapchat and that shit too, like, damn.
They having trouble in 13B.
Coughing, coughing emoji.
You know, somebody's putting that shit.
Can you even, that's crazy.
People dying now and they want you to die a little slower so they can put it on their snap.
That's the world we are in.
That's the world we are in.
What's real?
We don't know.
We got to, what's real?
What's real, man?
What's an illusion?
What's a ghost?
They got a lot of these money ghosts out there, things that just show up to get your money.
They don't want to leave you with anything.
A lot of this shit and things you be buying or selling or all of this cat shit.
Next thing you know, you own two fucking $900 blenders and you lonely as fuck, sitting outdoors with no electricity and no fruits or anything to make a smoothie.
That's them money ghosts, man.
What are you getting?
You're buying something.
What are you getting?
What are you getting?
That's what I'm asking myself these days.
Anybody that came from Fighter and the Kid, they got a belt for me.
Finally, the Fighter and the Kid podcast.
If you don't listen to that podcast, man, I'll tell you this.
I saw Brendan Schaub this weekend.
And Brendan Schaub seemed like a he seemed like a rescue pit bull that kind of got its act together.
If you ever seen him, he seemed like a Rottweiler or something that went to community college.
But he's one of the hosts over there.
And every time I see that guy, he makes me, he's just joyous.
He's filled with joy.
You know, God just put a lot of joy in him.
And that's a natural blessing.
Because I don't show up like that every day.
It's gotten better for me over time.
But Brennan Schaub, he shows up every day.
He wakes up.
And he probably, his mouth is full and he has to spit up because he's just full of joy.
And man, that's a beautiful place to be, isn't it?
I'm always envious of those people.
You know, I used to look at, I'm friends with the Miz, the wrestler, and he was always so, he was just full of just joy every day.
And I was always like, man, how does he, what a lucky guy.
But I do notice over time that I find that I do get a little more joy.
I do notice that.
When I start to shed these other skins that are fucking, all they're doing is weighing me down.
I think they're protecting me, but all they're doing is weighing me down.
I do feel a little bit more joy.
But yeah, that big girl, we used to blow cigarette smoke on her, and she would vomit.
And I guess in hindsight, she just wanted to probably, you know, lose weight.
You know, and that was some way that she found she could do it.
So we'd be back there just huffing these Winstons and, you know, just busting these, you know, lungs full of smoke onto her.
And she would be, you know, expelling all this food and stuff she'd been eating.
Because her mom would show up in that car and they would sit in the back seat and eat plate meals together.
Her mom have, you know, put them, you know, those trays that you sit if you are real lazy.
You put that tray in front of your chair or something.
Or not lazy, but if you like to eat and watch TV.
And I don't have that experience in my life yet, but I am looking forward to that shit.
Getting that lazy boy, getting that fucking bam, that tray right there.
So you could just, even if you doze off forward, you could just doze right into a damn, you know, into a macaroni salad.
You know, just, you could just doze just right into some sweet patats.
And anyway, so, you know, I think she wanted just vomit because her and her mama be hitting these, you know, these six and seven course meals just sitting there in the back of this of this yellow crown Vic.
And I don't know why they did that shit, man, but that's people.
You know, that's people right there.
I had a friend when I was growing up, his parents or somebody in his house who was an adult gave him a fucking tattoo on his back of a snake.
And this motherfucker was 10, and he hated snakes.
So you can't even imagine most of his life, probably.
Just, can you imagine the fear you hating snakes and having a snake on your back?
God damn, the devil, the devil is alive.
We got some great calls that came in.
We got some neat stuff happening.
I'm looking for a venue in Chicago.
I appreciate everybody that's reached out and shared about it.
I am trying to make that happen.
Looks like we're going to be adding a date in rural Illinois coming up here.
What else?
I'm going to let you know right now that I'll be at Cluster Fest in San Francisco.
That's June 2nd and 3rd.
I'll be at Cherokee Casino in West Siloam.
And if it's not on the website, call them and tell them to put the tickets.
I feel you.
I don't know why they're having me come not selling tickets yet.
I'll be in Calgary up there in Canada.
And that's the 15th through the 7th, 15th and 16th of June.
I'll be in Oxnard, California, and that is July 6th through the 8th.
And what else?
We got July 20th through the 22nd.
I'll be at Good Nights in Raleigh, North Carolina, I believe.
And what else?
We've got some other dates coming up.
They're going to be happening September 14th and 15th.
Zaney's in Nashville.
Other dates will be added soon for the comedy tour, the Dark Arts Tour.
And the new website's up, TheoVon.com.
You can go there and check it out.
We got them get in there shirts.
We got the Dark Arts, Dark Artist Survivor shirts.
There's some pans.
There's a couple of new things in there.
And you can also go to the This Past Weekend page there, and there's ways to submit.
If you want to submit a video question, you can do that.
If you want to submit an audio, you want to hit the hotline.
Or if you want to drop in a text and reach out and be a part of what's going on here on This Past Weekend, then we certainly welcome that.
I want to thank all our Patreoners as well.
I put a new YouTube comedy clip up called Thundercat about this boy that grew up in my neighborhood named Thundercat Johnson.
And you could check that out as well.
But I'm just so grateful, man.
I'm feeling some gratitude.
I want to thank everybody that reached out after last week's episode.
You know, I just had to have a moment where I just showed up and got real with what's going on in my life.
You know, what's going on with my feeling.
Because I just run around.
Sometimes you get so busy running around, jumping on your phone, watching TV, talking to a friend, you know, satiating yourself with food, sex, you know, a mastie, doing that mastie.
You know, Fritos, whatever you like, barbecue, drinking condiments, bruh.
We had this dude in our neighborhood, fucking tall, his name was not fucking Bert.
What was his name?
Herbie.
And he would drink fucking condiments, bruh.
That dude take a take a 16-ounce bottle of Hunt's ketchup to the dome and leave that thing empty.
He'd fucking double up, just double fist and two things of French's mustard.
Straight down the gullet.
So you never know what the Lord has in store for you.
All right, man, let's get into some calls here, dude.
This episode's all over the place, but you have to stick around because the call when I reach out to Mickey Mann, that shit, huh?
It just, it brought me back to where I needed to be today.
Here we go.
All right.
Allie Collins back again from Grand Glen Collins.
Oh, we got Allie from Scotland.
And this little Vixen called in last week, and she got that exciting, she has that exciting accent.
You know, she got that accent sound like somebody that might have died on the Titanic right there.
And it's beautiful.
Let me listen again.
Hey, it's Ali Collins back again from Gladwin, Scotland.
So I just wanted to say I'm glad that I made you smile with my comments from the last call.
And I didn't want to be cheeky, but I wanted to highlight something that I've noticed twice now.
Okay, she wants to highlight something that she noticed two times now.
So let's hear more.
Thank you for calling back, Ali.
On your podcast, there seems to be a little bit of confusion on your part with between Scottish and Irish.
There could be.
I think.
Yeah.
Yeah, there definitely is, I think.
Onward.
So on the Robin Chan episode, you said that you loved Graves and you thought that it was Irish when that is Scottish.
Okay, so I liked the Pogues and they were Irish, but they're Scottish.
Okay, onward.
And Buffy, during my call, you said about the Pogues, which are in fact Irish and not Scottish.
Okay, so I have it mixed up again.
Let me listen to you again here.
Explain those things to me, Allie.
Thank you for helping me out here with this because I'm obviously, you know, my brain, you know, I've been some places, but my brain hasn't been all those same places.
It was between Scottish and Irish.
Oh my God, when you laugh, I just want to, I don't even know what I want to do.
I just want to just want to take over.
You know, I just want to enslave an African continent.
I mean, I just, there's something special about, you know, not in a really way, but it's enslaved part of the world.
You know, like you just, damn, I just want to watch that movie Butterfly Effect.
Have you seen that?
It's with James J. Braddock when he fights a banker.
It's, you've seen it.
It's with Russell Crowe.
My God, is it good?
Let's hear more.
So on the Robin Tran episode, you said that you loved Grave and you thought that it was Irish when that is Scottish.
Okay, so you're saying something I thought on Robin Tran was Scottish, but it's actually Irish.
And I can't hear exactly what you're saying, but it fucking just sounds so beautiful.
My God, dude.
It sounds like there's just a damn, like just like a million kids just, you know, just blowing bubbles and smoking dope and just running out of your face into my ears.
And it sounds good.
Especially during my call, you said about the pogues, which are in fact Irish and not Scottish.
So the Pogues are Irish, huh?
Yeah.
And that Pogues, I know for sure now, so they're not Scottish.
I'm going to remember that.
I appreciate that.
We do like the Poggs here, but they are definitely Irish and very, very interested in Irish culture.
And I do have a husband.
Oh, she does have a husband.
You know what just happened to me when she said that there was a pie on my windowsill and a burglar just came up and stole it?
That's what happened inside of me.
Moore?
I don't know why I forgot to mention him.
He is a tripper.
He is in university full-time and works full-time as well.
So he's not around a lot.
Oh, well, thank you for calling.
And he sounds like a lucky man.
And I appreciate you calling back, Allie, and explaining to me that I got some issues when it comes to Scotlish and Irelish.
And I'm going to figure some of this stuff out.
And I'm going to come over there and do some shows hopefully next year or maybe whenever they'll let me.
You know, I don't know what all the legalities are or if I got anything pending or something because there's been, I've had some issues at some of these airports.
But thank you for calling and I love you and good day and onward, onward, you know, the Andrea Gale, it should have never sunk.
Okay, let's take another call here.
Here we go.
Hey Theo, this is Jack from Chicago.
What's up, Jack?
I'm trying to find some places to come there and perform right here soon.
And I'll say this too, Mitchell Trubisky, I think he's going to be the truth, the truth biscuit this year.
I love the Bears.
I love what they do.
You take risks.
Onward.
Just wanted to say, you know, I'm 18 years old and I have 75 days sober today.
Congrats, man.
75 days, boy.
You're coming up on 90 days.
And there's something beautiful about hitting that 90, man.
And onward, that's all I can tell you there.
Moore?
You know, I struggled with, you know, pills, heroin, cocaine, alcohol, you name it.
Dang, you was getting it all.
That's that Roy G. Biv.
You know, you putting all the colors in your fucking soul, bruh.
Moore?
And I know you're sober, too.
I just wanted to say thank you.
Your stand-up and your podcast helps me get through it.
And, you know, just thank you very much, man.
And also, just wanted to ask, what do you do?
How do you stay clean?
Well, I appreciate you calling, man.
I'm not going to go into this too much because I've gone into it before.
And really, for me, this call is about you.
I'm happy you're 75 days, man.
Because here's the thing.
People are like, ah, Theo talks about sober stuff all the time and this and that.
Look, dude, do I want to be sober?
No.
No.
I don't want to be.
So start right there.
I'm doing something I don't want to do.
You know, so that's why it's, you know, that's why this is a part of my life all the time because I'm doing something.
Imagine you have roller skates on all the time and you don't want to skate.
That's where I'm at.
And everybody's like, oh, man, you, you know, you have trouble hanging out on one side of the kitchen because the house is slanted.
Well, fuck yeah, I do.
Because I'm on skates and I don't want to be on them.
But I stay on them.
And that's what the journey is.
You're doing something that you don't really want to do and it starts to reward you.
Look, man, I don't know what keeps me sober.
But I know what doesn't.
And that's drugs.
And that's alcohol because of drugs.
So, but hearing people and feeling people's feelings, man, we're going to get to a call at the end of this, man.
If you want something to keep you sober today, wait till you get to this last call on today's episode.
For me, it did it.
But congratulations, Jack.
I'm happy for you.
And you calling and telling me you're 75 days.
That keeps me sober, man.
Knowing that somebody else is out there with the roller skates on and the floor's leaning and they don't want to be skating.
But they're staying on the skates.
Let's hear more.
And I don't know if I always will be sober.
And I don't know.
But right now I am.
And there we go.
Let's hear more.
Hey, Yo Theo.
This is Matt from New England.
Matt from New England.
And that's almost British, straight up.
Nobody ever talks about that shit.
So, onward.
I work at a drunk tank.
All right.
And I worked a third.
Drunk tank?
Like, what do you mean?
Like, Dave and Busters?
I don't even know what that is.
Let's hear more.
Third shift, you know, the graveyard shift.
So I see the craziest of the crazies.
So basically, last weekend I go in.
Hold on, let me look this up.
Drunk tank.
Is it a prison?
Oh, yep.
A large prison cell for the detention of drunks.
Bang, bang.
Well, you know who you ain't taking care of is my boy Jack, who's got 75 days sober.
But let's hear more, Matt.
To my chefs, who relieved my coworker, and my coworker's telling me that she had a gentleman there earlier who was obviously intoxicated saying that he was in the mafia.
He's been traveling around the country, state to state.
He's been killing people.
Hmm.
So she said she had a man there that was a self-proclaimed serial killer.
But do the, you know what, already I'm like, do the good killers say they're killers?
Yeah.
It seemed like if you're real good at something, you more low-key about it, especially if it is, you know, ending other people's existences.
But that's just me.
No, and he's been getting away with it.
And he's telling this to my coworker.
He is well over the limit.
He's about two, three times over the limit at this point.
And she's like an older woman.
You know, she's defenseless, basically.
And he's like, I will come back here and find you if you tell anybody.
She goes, damn, this shit's making me mildly erect, dude.
I'm not even joking.
I'm starting to feel a little bit of thump down in my dump.
Let's hear more.
She goes, oh, no big deal.
I'm not a cop.
You know, I'm not going to tell anyone.
Well, I come into work, and of course, she tells me this.
I'm like, oh, you've been talking to a serial killer for a couple hours.
That's great.
You know, and that's the thing.
Every time a woman feels like they're about to get serial killed, who do they come to?
Men.
Okay?
You know, everybody wants equal opportunity, but nobody wants to deal with serial killers themselves.
Look, if you want to help us, then help us at all times.
Don't just come around, ladies, when you want defense from possible future murder of yourself by someone else, by a serial killer.
Help us at all times or be friends always.
Let's hear more.
That's just part of the job.
A couple hours later, because this guy was released to a sober party, he comes back.
So you released an assumed serial killer?
This is all over the place.
More?
The police bring him back for going to another bar and getting rowdy again.
So I have to talk to this serial killer, allegedly.
He seems like a normal dude, you know, so he's brought into a...
He ain't going to talk to you and be juggling knives and hiding cyanide, you know, and have a cyanide recipe on his jacket.
That's their trick, Matthew, is that you're not supposed to know they're serial killers.
That's what I'm thinking, man.
If I'm drunk in a place and there's a lady there and she's the guard or whatever, fuck yeah, I'm gonna tell her I'm a serial killer.
What else are you gonna do?
You're bored, probably.
You're used to being at the bar having fun.
More?
Into a police vehicle, and then there's another cop car behind him as backup.
So this guy, he's been drinking more.
He's actually so over the limit, I have to send him to the hospital.
So I send him to the hospital, and I ask one of the officers to stay back so I can talk to him.
And I tell him what my co-worker told me.
He's been going around the country.
He's been killing people.
And I told him that he would come back and harm us if he found out.
So the cop said, oh, I'll just look into his criminal history and we'll see where it goes from there.
So once I go back inside, I realize how much of a fucking idiot I am.
Now I'm so paranoid.
I'm having trouble sleeping.
I'm looking at the security camera.
I'm at work right now.
I'm looking at the cameras.
I'm seeing this car going up and down the street, this red sheep.
I've been seeing it all night, Dio, and I don't know what the fuck to do.
Look, I'll tell you what to do, man.
Get your life up.
Okay, you out here.
You know, I love you, brother, but listen.
First of all, you said a senior citizen lady, okay, and I respect senior citizens, but a lot of them, you know, they're just starting to bother everybody.
And a senior citizen lady told you that there's a killer.
She met a killer.
You know, and all, first of all, all women say that.
I'm dating this guy.
He seems like he could be a serial killer.
That's half the dudes out there.
We had a guy called up last week, fucking might have killed a lady and tried to use our episode as an alibi.
Said he took a lady out.
She got wasted.
He hasn't seen her in two days or heard from her.
He has her phone and some other shit.
Dude, I'm dumb and I know that that is probably murder.
So look, man, you telling me and then you scared.
You got the lady drunk.
The man's drinking more.
You let the dude go out to drink more.
And now you're trying to square off with him and talk to him?
Bro, that dude might be a murderer.
Let him sober up and see what he can do.
Y'all trying to, you guys are hanging back and tailing a drunk guy.
How hard is it?
The dude's three times over the legal limit.
He's in a red Jeep.
Going where?
Just going back and forth in reverse in a parking spot?
That dude's fucked up.
Do we have any knives on him?
Frisk that motherfucker.
Frisk him, dude.
Check him.
Check his ass for blades, dude.
What's going on?
You know, if you are, I couldn't tell if you were an officer or not, Matt, but look, y'all shooting people out there, shoot this dude.
Shoot him.
He doesn't seem like he'll even care.
But good luck out there, dude.
If you don't get murdered, call us back in two months and just leave one voicemail says, hey, it's Matt.
I didn't get murdered.
But be good to yourself, man.
I'm sorry to get savage with you there, but I haven't eaten.
Dude, I only had one freaking little thing out of a damn machine.
Let's hear more.
Hey, Theo, it's Molly Martin from New Albany, Indiana.
Oh, Molly Martin, you sound chipperoo.
It sounded like both your parents worked at the, you know, maybe at the Brookstone, and they're extremely excited about something.
It sounds like both your parents were Hogwarts fans because you sound fired up.
Thank you for calling, Molly.
Let's hear more.
I'm a little nervous.
I'm going to just get that out of the way.
But I don't know if you know where New Albany is, but I'm about 10 minutes from Louisville, Kentucky.
Ooh, Louisville is where my dude, I met a friend in the middle of the night and took him to a party, and he stole everybody's shit.
Onward.
And that's right.
That's how you pronounce it, Louisville, the land of bourbon.
Anyway, I'm a mom of a feist five-year-old named Jack.
He takes after his mama.
Damn, you a mother to an icy five-year-old.
Jack, sound icy.
Is Jack 75 days sober, though?
Because if he is, he just called in, and he just said that for about 1 12th of his life, he's been using, or about 11 twelfths, but for 1 12th of his life, he's sober.
So hopefully it's not the same.
Onward.
I'm a full-time college student getting an advertising degree, and I work two jobs.
I'm a new listener to the podcast, and I just want to say thank you.
I'm loving the laughs that you bring to my days of hustling.
And I got to make a comment on your voice.
That voice, though, I got to say, you've got to start offering protection for your female listeners.
I've gotten pregnant about five times listening to you.
You know, it's springtime, and you've got that kind of voice that makes a woman ovulate.
Damn, boy.
I got that.
I'm that ovulator gator, you know?
And I'm out here snapping out these sounds, huh?
Oh, man, I'm glad that you, I mean, the ovulation part, that's wild, you know, because I don't really, I don't even want to Google that.
But, you know, I appreciate the compliment.
And you sound like a fun lady.
And I bet little Jack is excited to have, you know, he's going to probably have a fun life because you like to have fun and you show up every day to feel some joy.
And I bet he'll enjoy that.
Let's hear a little bit more.
Anyway, thanks for the good work and keep it up.
Thank you, Molly.
She's a new listener because sometimes we just want to know who's listening.
And so we got that single mother or two out there in Indiana.
And dang, that's rough out there out in Indiana, you know, and it's rough everywhere, but it can be hectic out there.
So take care of yourself and stay close to your family out there.
Thanks for calling, Molly.
All right, guys.
And now, so I'm going to make a call, man.
I'm going to call Mickey.
And some of y'all know Trick Lung Mickey, man.
He's that, you know, he called in probably nine months ago.
And we've had a, you know, a relationship since then, communication.
And I saw him in Tacoma.
And he has cystic fibrosis in his lungs.
And that's, I know cystic fibrosis sounds like a bread you would get at Panera, but it's not.
It's a danger to your lungs.
And it basically makes your lungs have danger in them.
And hey, and he has that.
But I met him out in Tacoma a while back when I was doing shows there.
And so I'm going to hit up Mickey right now and get him on the line.
And we'll go from there.
Today's been kind of a crazy episode, but you know what?
Sometimes they're crazy episodes.
And I'm just grateful that you guys showed up.
And I'm trying to fucking keep my brain up.
And let's get Mickey on the line right now.
Hello?
Big Mick.
Hey, what's up, Theo?
How you doing, man?
I'm doing good, man.
I'm doing good.
It's good to hear your voice, man.
You sound like you got them trumpets rolling, man.
Are you feeling okay today?
Yeah, absolutely, man.
Dude, I'm living life, man.
On a scale of 1 to 10, man, I'm living at about an 8.5 right now, Theo.
Life is good.
That's beautiful, man.
But now, I've seen some stuff on your Instagram and stuff that you've been in the hospital.
And I know, like, we kind of texted a little bit about it.
The last I saw you, you know, you were in Tacoma.
You were doing good.
I know you were on the transplant list.
What happened?
Man, it's so crazy, Theo, man.
I'll try to keep it simple and short, but, you know, man, where I'm at with my lung, with cystic fibrosis, the disease I have, at end stage, things can go down very quickly.
And that is exactly what happened, man.
I ended up, not to get too graphic, I ended up coughing up a lot of blood, man.
And what happened was the scare was that I wasn't going to be able to do it myself.
It clawed up.
So basically, I had to get into the ICU, man, and I went through a very life-changing event, man.
And if I'm really frank, and I don't mean to pull on any heartstrings here, but yeah, man, me and my family, we really didn't know if I was going to make it or not, man.
And I've since been out of the hospital for about a week and a half now.
And it's just changed my perspectives, man.
I'm really, I'm thankful for it all.
And you know what?
I'm on the upswing, man.
And I am on the transplant list.
And any day now, those ones will be coming in, man.
No way, really.
Yeah, man.
It was a lot of, huge experience in my life, man.
Really widened even my own perspectives, for sure.
Yeah, because it seemed like, I mean, you've had such a history with this disease and, you know, with this ailment anyway.
And, you know, and you seemed like, you know, you had kind of this perspective on it that was, you know, this is, you know, I'm navigating my life with this.
And, you know, everything's not always rosy.
And there's a lot of reality.
And, you know, sometimes it can be kind of dark.
And then I guess this experience, you know, seems like it's really kind of almost lifted your spirits, even though it seemed like it was such a dower, like a, such a, like a dour moment.
You are absolutely correct, man.
You hit the nail on the head, man.
If you remember when we caught up there in Tacoma, dude, I had mentioned to you a lot about one of the hardest parts about this is that isolation that I feel, that misunderstanding and almost a misconnection between my fellow man, whether it was friends or family, strangers, whoever.
And after this event, CEO, dude, I mean, I've never felt so loved.
It's so crazy that such a traumatic and tragic experience on the other side of the coin, man, it brings people together.
That's what I've learned to another level.
And for me, even being out of it here for the past 10 days or so, like I said, I guess maybe I'm riding off that high.
I don't know, but I have never felt more loved.
And I'm physically weaker than I used to be, but I've never been in a better, more clear space mentally and emotionally, man.
Man, that's fascinating, man.
I mean, yeah, dude, you're like a fireplace, bro.
It's like, you know, you bring people, you know, you bring your, I mean, in a weird way, you're bringing people together in a weird way.
Yeah, because, yeah, this is just such a turnaround because, yeah, I remember you saying, like, you know, people don't get that, you know, people worry about the smallest mundane things.
And here I am, like, you know, I'm just, you know, I just want to be well and I don't even know how long I have to live.
And, you know, and somebody else is worried about their fucking phone plan.
And it's like, you know, don't you realize that like there's real, you know, that things are more real?
And then.
Right, man.
Right, for sure.
And here you are.
It's kind of.
And here you are.
You had to get so sick.
I mean, it's crazy.
Like, you got sicker, but it made you more well.
Yeah.
Yes.
Yeah, absolutely, man.
And like I said, I think that maybe I was just hanging out with one of my best friends today, man.
He was through it with me.
He goes, man, I was so scared that after everything, that you were just going to be even, your mindset was going to be even more limited.
Wow.
And it went the other direction, if anything.
Wow.
And yes, you're completely right.
You know, man, I can't tell you.
I think I'll say this, Dio.
What I've learned that if you want to live, if you're a person that wants to live and you go through an experience of near death and you, you know, I told, we texted and I was breathing through a tube, man, and twice and in and out of sedation, man.
And, you know, really not knowing if I was going to be there.
But as I got better every day, it was that experience that I can pull from where it's like, hey, you know what?
There's a lower than everything that we've got, man.
There's a lower.
And for my low, it could be me being bedridden and breathing out of a tube.
And maybe the low to that is someone who's not even, you know, conscious.
Right.
You know what I'm saying?
There's always a lower.
And I think anytime that I hit that now when I'm walking around and I'm with friends and I'm, you know, talking with you, man, and sharing my thoughts, sharing my experiences, whatever, man, connecting with people, living life, dude, that's life.
And I'm more than happy to be doing it.
Why wouldn't you?
You know what I mean?
And you all right, man.
You know, whether it's someone else's, you know, we're upset about a phone plan or, you know, maybe traffic, whatever it is.
Yes, I have learned to cut the kind of the small stuff because of my patience and Resilience, or whatever words you want to put on it, that said, I will always be able to sympathize.
Of course, man, we got our problems.
There's also another way to look at it to realize, hey, man, there's a lower to this.
And to just be cognizant of that and to see the beauty in that in a way.
Yeah.
Man, it's powerful.
It's powerful stuff.
No, you're not.
Look, you're not, man.
I mean, you know, you're walking in the woods and I want to, you know, I want to hear about the trees, you know, like I want to know what, you know, because I'm not on this journey.
And you know what the craziest thing is, man?
As you're talking about some of this, I'm almost in a weird way envious because you're like, you know, you're out there Neil Armstrong and on the cusp of existence, of being alive or not alive.
And I'm here in a weird way.
You know, I'm sitting in a place right now in a body that is, you know, presumably, you know, healthy if you check my levels.
And, you know, I've eaten today and I'm, you know, I'm okay.
I'm okay today, you know, physically.
And I know that there's probably very little risk unless a severe tragedy happens that something is going to happen to me today or this week, you know, but you're on the fuck, you know, you out there, you know, you're out there.
And it's almost in a weird way, I'm a little bit envious because you get to have those feelings that come along with that and feelings that are backed by real shit, you know, like real, you know, about being alive.
As we've talked about, man, before, Theo, dude, your humanity and connection is a very massive, I guess you could say, a theme in my life that I appreciate very much.
And I appreciate what you're saying.
Yeah, man.
Even, Theo, even right now as we speak, I could bleed out again.
That's the negative side, right?
Like as we're talking, or you know what could also happen, though, Theo, man, is I could get a call from the hospital and say, hey, Miki, we got lungs for you.
Damn.
And you're right, man.
Yes, I do live a crazy yin-yang to, you know, should I stay or should I go?
And you're right, dude.
It does grant that perspective and it does kind of, if you're able to, because sometimes I'm not, man, you said it best, man.
Sometimes you don't show up.
And it's hard.
We can't always do that.
But if you can do it 80-20, you can do it 90-10.
And if you can work every day, in my opinion, to try to just be just a slight tiny little bit better than you were the next day, hey, man, at the very least, you can live life knowing that.
And I think that's what does grant me a little bit of awareness, a little bit of insight, and yeah, some happiness in life and fulfillment for sure, man.
Yeah, man, you're a Magellan, bro.
You're out there spelunking through the caves of existence, man.
I mean, that's just, it's fascinating, man.
And I appreciate you being able to have a perspective on it that, you know, and I'm sure it's come with time and ownership of living with your ailment and having a battle cystic fibrosis.
But at least being able to look, you know, and have a perspective of, you know, if things, you know, get worse or if things get better, if I live or if I die, and still being able to speak on that, it's fascinating, man.
I mean, it's funny.
You make me think like, you know, to just call somebody and tell them that I love them.
You know, that's what I was thinking about about 30 seconds ago.
That's so funny you say that, man.
I'm going to tell a quick, like, 10-second story, man.
I'm good, man.
I'm watching you on another podcast.
Bro, you might die, bro.
This is, look, man, put it out there.
You know what I'm saying, dude?
This is it, bro.
You taught me, man.
You taught me exactly what you just said.
I saw you on another podcast.
You got a call from Joey Diaz.
And you explained.
You said, man, sometimes, you explain to Bobby.
You said, sometimes Joey just calls me every two weeks and he just just to check up on me.
You know what I did feel right after I heard that?
You know what?
I'm going to send you a screenshot of this.
I text you a little bit later today.
After you said that, I wrote down a list of people that are near and dear to my heart.
And I said, and it's got a little tagline.
It says, every two weeks, call these people.
Tell them you love them.
You know, it's because you're right, man.
And I would encourage you to do that.
Absolutely.
I know your time is very, at times limited, but at the same time, man, those little times that we can get to just express our love that you do so well, man.
You know, it's just so pertinent, man.
It's so massive in our lives.
It's pertinent.
Yeah, man.
It's a good word, man.
No, you know, it's unbelievable when people show you that they care somehow, how it makes us feel.
And, you know, what you said, you know, we have, you know, like I have as much, you know, I could spend so much more of my day letting people know I care.
The thing that gets me a lot of times is my attitude or the voice in my head that will make other things more important, you know?
And I hate that.
I just, I hate that.
But I guess that's what, you know, that's one of the trials of some of our lives.
You know, is, I mean, it's a blessing, I guess, that that's my low right now.
You know, my low is that I'm going to be in a bad mood.
Right.
I know, huh?
What a bless.
I mean, it's a, and if you look at what you're low, I mean, just to think, you're laying there, you know, you're breathing through a tube and they got a dude who just flatlined next to you and you're like, damn, that guy's fucking, that guy's really scraping the bottom of the bowl.
I thought about it, man, and I was in the ICU.
You know what, Theo?
I have a pretty good relationship with my doctors.
I try to get them on my side really quick and try to be a beloved person.
And I asked them straight up: I said, Man, can you be candid with me?
I'm in the ICU, I've been here for one week.
How long do people normally last here?
And just to be straight up, and they gave me a diplomatic answer, but I knew, man, and this is not to be morbid in any sense, but I knew, just like you're saying, that while I'm in there, dude, that people are passing away.
And not only that, but I'm one of a handful, hundreds of people in the, whether it's the country or in the world, that is going through this.
And it gets deep really quick, but I guess all I'm trying to get at is, once again, how we can use this to benefit ourselves and our lives is just to realize and, yeah, man, just to just appreciate things and try to just slow down.
Stop and smell the roses for a second and just love, love life, man, for sure.
And not in a platitude sense, right?
Not in like, oh, man, free love, but really actually try to do it.
Yeah.
Yeah, I was having a good day the other day and I was texting a friend and he said, man, if you could do me a favor right now, he said, just stop and just be grateful for whatever good things are happening.
You know, whatever, you know, whatever it is, just find a moment to be grateful for it.
And then, you know, it just put it in perspective because it's like, it's so weird, man, when things aren't going good, how we'll hope they're going good.
And then when they're going good, we forget to be grateful sometimes that they are.
But, man, it's just, you know, and I'll tell you this, man.
I know whenever, you know, we met up in Tacoma and I know, you know, we wanted you to get up on stage and we're still packaging that together.
And I think I'm going to put a whole little episode together here, even, you know, including some of that and some of this call too, I think.
You know, and we wanted you to get on stage and then you got sick.
Yeah, yeah.
I had the dates lined up, dude.
I had, you know, like Tuesday, Wednesday, and yeah, and I ended up being the ICU and I just really hope that I'm not blacklisted that.
Because I emailed them, I got to come a couple days in advance.
Like, oh, man, I was a little bit nervous about that.
Oh, the old I can't make it because I might not be alive trick.
We've heard that before, guy.
We've heard that before, guy.
Right?
Oh, my goodness, dude.
Dude, you know what's funny is, you know, whenever I saw you in person, whenever we met up in person, you reminded me a little bit of my sister in a weird way.
And my sister was on the transplant list.
You know, my sister got a transplant for a liver transplant.
Yeah, back in the day.
And there was just some things like, I don't know if this is, there's like, you guys almost, I don't know if you, you didn't, you looked a little bit the same in a strange way.
Yeah, okay.
And I don't know if there's like, because I don't know, I mean, you know, it was just kind of, and it just suddenly made me, it took me back to, you know, who she was a little bit.
And it, it like made it so much more real to me.
You know, it reminded me, I don't know.
It's like I look at my sister a lot of times and I put all these other things on her.
Like, oh, she's my sister and she doesn't, you know, follow through on these things.
And she'll say she's going to mail me something and been fucking nine years and that bitch ain't mailing shit.
And all, you know, you know, I'll start stacking up these, you know, resentments and little things that go with being brother and sister.
But then it put me, I forget that she, you know, had this thing in her life and that it was like the biggest thing of our whole childhood was her being sick.
And I mean, she was, you know, she was jaundice colored.
I mean, she was a yellow child.
She was green or yellow most of my youth.
I had a friend who had this.
He had cystic fibrosis and that.
He was green.
Yeah.
Yeah, man.
You got a green friend.
That's fucking that's next level, bro.
You got a green sister.
Oh, yeah, that's true, dude.
Look.
We're just relating here.
Oh, on St. Patrick's Day, dude, I would take that bitch around the block.
You feel me?
But it just put, you know what, it made it so much more real to me.
You know, it made it like, man, like, it made me remember this thing about my sister, and it made me, I mean, I guess it made me feel a little bit bad that I hadn't, I don't know, checked in with her about, see what was going on about that.
But it made me relate, it just put a lot of pieces together because there was something I could connect to, you know?
Yes.
Can I ask you, Theo, do you think that it's an energy thing?
Not to be etheric or anything, but do you think that it's maybe just some sort of almost like a wavelength or just a vibe that, you know, maybe that's relatable that I had to assure?
What do you think?
What that when I saw you, it made me think of her?
Yes.
I think it just made me, for one, I probably felt sorry for myself.
I felt a little bit sorry that I hadn't checked in with her about this, you know, the rejection medicine and all those types of things that she has to take and the extra things she has to do and, you know, the fears, and just the fears that she may think about sometimes that, you know, it made me kind of feel, I guess, I mean, as selfish it is, it made me feel a little bit sorry for myself, you know, sorry that I hadn't done those things or disappointed in myself.
But then it made me, I don't know.
There was like a laugh or something, you know, because I would say if someone looks on a scale of one to 10 and 10 is super healthy, you know, you probably looked at like a, you know, a seven.
You're probably one of the best looking fucking sick dudes I've ever seen.
Straight up.
I'm like, damn, dude, this dude could be a fucking model up in the transplant ward.
This dude's going to be doing fucking photo shoots in the hallway, you know?
But it may, but there was like a, there was some sickness there.
You can see, you know, you can feel a little bit, you know, your breathing, you said is it, what percentage was your breathing at whenever I saw you?
Oh, man.
Yeah, I think when you saw me, it was at 19, and now it's at like 17%.
So the way I try to describe that, I think if you remember, I say, you know, Feo Man, throw away your left low, cut your right lung in half, and I got less than that.
Damn, boy.
Mickey rolling on a sandwich sack full of air, bro.
You coming in light.
Yeah, man.
Damn, bro.
And so, look, I think there was some sickness there, I guess, a little bit that you can, you know, but your spirit isn't sick, though.
It's like this shell that you're in had some, you know, a little sickness.
You'd say your weight was low, so, you know, you don't look like, you know, Adonis.
You know, it's not like you're looking like, you know, Schwarzenegger at 19 years old.
Right, right.
So, so, but, but your spirit was at a fucking 30, you know?
Like, or just, you know, the look in somebody's eyes is so much more alive when their body is sick.
Do you know what I'm talking about?
Oh, yes, sir.
Absolutely, man.
Yeah.
What is that?
What is that?
Dude, it's hard.
So now we're getting to those points where it's really difficult to articulate and put into words, right?
But I think if I had to try to, it really does get to that theme that we've been talking about of whether it's humanity, whether it's perspective, all these types of words that we want to use on it.
I think that, you know, I'll describe it like this, Leo, man.
We like to think that, you know, you ever hear somebody say like, just keep fighting.
Just keep fighting.
He's a fighter.
She's a fighter.
And we kind of think about that in a sense of like, maybe when they're sedated, maybe when their eyes are closed and when they're not able to talk to us.
But what I realized, man, is that, you know, even when I saw you right now, maybe even within the past five years, I've been fighting.
This is the fight right now, man.
It didn't stop.
It didn't begin.
It's kind of just always been.
And, you know, yes, you probably got to fight a little bit harder during those very critical times.
And maybe that's what you see, man.
Who knows that, like, maybe it's something to the lines that this person just lives a life where they're constantly challenged.
And they've got to have a resilience to them because if they don't, with the seconds that they stop, man, who knows what could happen?
And maybe that is why there's just a tenacity there.
Maybe there's just a life there, whatever it is.
And I'll be honest, man, it's like we talked about.
There's the other side of the coin where things just get a little bit too hard.
And maybe it's not there.
And that's when we can be there as friends and family and not overwhelm and not push, but just be there.
Is that what your family did that kind of brought you back around?
Is that something that kind of happened this time that your family kind of I mean, yes, definitely.
They definitely were.
There's also a lot of struggles, man.
I mean, I'm sure you can be sympathetic to a mother who's seeing her son, you know, breathing through a tube and sedated and just, you know, eyes shut.
And not to get, like I said, too descriptive here, but blood on his neck because of the coffin.
And, you know, it's like, it just looks really scary.
And we all, as human beings, we all have the ability to become emotionally compromised, right?
And that's got to be so hard to see.
Was my mom, my mom was, my mom was phenomenal during it.
My friends were phenomenal, man.
That's my caregiving team.
You know, that's the, they're just uplifting me in every single way, man.
And I'm so fortunate.
And like I said, yes, going, harking back to that, that's who I felt that was.
Amen.
And I realized, you know, that like, you know what?
These people don't need to fully understand what I want them to if they're just, you say it so many times, if they just show up.
Yeah.
If they're just there wholeheartedly and just there for me, that's all we need sometimes.
Wow.
So, yeah, man.
Great caregiver team, man.
My mom, my dad, my brother flew out from Japan.
Damn, bro.
Yeah, man.
My best friend.
Hiya.
That's a trip.
Wow.
So I'm fortunately blessed to have these people, man.
So it's great.
Man, I love, man.
I just, you know, you're making me, you're making me, you know, this is going to make me get out of bed tomorrow, man, because just show up.
Because if I get up and I get going, though, you don't know also what God or what a higher power wants.
I might be the tool.
I might be the wrench tomorrow that God needs to show somebody else somehow that, you know, that their day is going to be a little bit okay.
And not in a selfish way, but just in a tool way.
Like I might be, somebody else can't fit it right, and I may be, you know, I might be the screwdriver for a second, you know?
You know, I'm not sure, shoot, I called you when I was in that, in that, I called the hotline.
I left the message, man.
It was a dark one.
And it was dark because then you could probably feel my pain in my voice.
And yeah, man, I'm a wholehearted believer in that, in what you do, who you are, as I've told you, man, as your example as a person, man.
And I'll just tell you, man, like I did, and if you can hear from my voice, man, I'm proud to, I'm just fucking proud, man, to call you someone that supports me.
And if I dare throw that stabled F word around, I'm proud to call you a friend.
I really am.
Well, please keep doing what you're doing, man.
I think it's great.
I love it, man.
And you inspire people to be better people.
I truly believe that.
Well, I just want to be a better person myself, Man, and you inspire me, dude, 100%.
I'm so glad we got to connect today because I needed to hear a lot of this stuff, man.
Something's wrong with me.
I need to be constantly reminded in order to stay in a good direction.
There's just something, you know, I have a last-minute memory, and I just have to be reminded constantly.
One last question, man, before you go.
When you get to some of those moments and you're riding that cusp of like, am I going to be okay?
How long am I going to live?
Because the fear, sure, it might not sound to people super real as we're talking about it, but when you're laying in a hospital ward or you're laying in a bed and your family's around, you're like, fuck, I mean, there's not many, you know, the next time they could be standing around me could be I'm in a coffin or I'm in a, you know, at a wake or something, you know?
I mean, there's not, there's only too many reasons.
You know, the family's gathering around your bed, you know, if you're doing like some special jerking off or something in a circus family or if you're sick.
And do you, but do you feel any different connection as you get out there to like a higher power or something in the universe?
And you don't have to.
Look, man, don't, you know, do you feel anything or does it all just feel human?
Did you have any experience with any of that?
I'll say this, man.
First and foremost, you know, I was raised in a Catholic school, man.
And in all honesty, that kind of, I went through K through 8, you know, almost nearly 10 years through that.
And my family is very Catholic, you know.
And actually, I kind of took the other way to it back in the day.
I can tell you this.
And what I mean by that is, you know, I was a little bit kind of like, man, I don't really know about maybe a dogmatic religion.
But I will say this, man.
In my adult years, I do believe, you know, I don't know how to explain it.
I think these are things that if we could, we'd know the secrets of the world.
That, yeah, man, I feel like there's a synchronicity, dude.
I feel like, you know, maybe not the quote unquote, everything happens for a reason, but more or less that if we express ourselves in the way just wholeheartedly and authentically, that I think over time, you're just going to bring the right people in your life.
Well, that said, man, I was told this, Theo, that when word got around from my friends and family that I was in ICU, my name got placed in a lot of prayer circles.
And people were praying for me.
My mom told me every day, and I'll be really honest with you, Theo, at that time, I kind of, I don't want to say I rolled my eyes, but I was kind of like, you know, mom, I'm glad that that helps you, but that does nothing for me.
I didn't feel it.
We talked about it.
I didn't feel it.
But I'll say this, man.
I mean, my song, I'm singing a different tune these days because sometimes I think about it and like, how do I not?
How do I, I don't know.
You know, and I've also had a lot of people tell me recently that I've just reconnected with due to this experience that, you know, Nikki, man, I was thinking about you a couple weeks ago, man.
And I wonder like where, where that had stemmed from.
You know, and I build this, excuse me, this, this theory that, you know, maybe the more that we are in other people's minds, just that, you know, maybe that there's something, there's a synchronicity or there's a love, maybe there is some sort of higher power to it.
Yeah.
And, you know, I don't know what comes after, obviously, after life and whatnot, but I will say that, you know, we had mentioned humanity.
I think that's a massive part of it.
But, you know, that maybe that we're in people's lives for a reason.
Yeah.
And we never know what, man.
We never know.
But we, you know, just be a part of that.
And I think it's a good thing for sure.
Is it scary when you get that close to dying?
Like, is it scary or what is it like?
Man, it's, I think, you know, from, I can only tell from my experience, but it was such a survival aspect, man.
You know, not to go crazy, but dude, I had such attractive nurses, man.
Oh, my goodness.
Yeah.
Just the most beautiful, caring women and men, but, you know, particularly to the women from the world.
Yeah, women first, dude, men second.
Oh, man.
Always.
For me.
Yeah, for me, too, man.
For me, too.
But, damn, man, I had no sex desire for anything, right?
Yeah.
I had no, I didn't even have really a want to.
And you got a tube in your throat.
They probably think you're gay.
You're laying there with a tube in your throat.
They're probably like, oh, this dude's not.
I told you, man.
I could only write.
I asked the girl, I said, are you married?
She's like, I got to know.
And the first thing I said when she pulled that tube down out of my throat, I told her, I said, I really apologize about that.
You're beautiful.
I had to ask.
I got to know these things.
But yeah, then again, man, it really is just about survival.
I didn't have a fear, man.
What I did get fearful of was that I was noticing these perspectives that I was building in my head where I'm like, man, I've never thought about life like this.
And what I got fearful of is, man, I'm kind of crazy, man, but I looked at it like this.
I was like, dude, I feel like I'm getting closer to the truth.
And what I mean by that, and I honestly feel, dude, that, like I said, I may sound off the wall here, but I really, I think that the closer you get to the truth, whatever that means, the closer and closer you get to it, man, when you figure it all out, that's when you're gone.
And it feels good, though.
What's crazy, though, is that that truth is a beautiful thing, and you can share it with people.
And that's what I like to do.
Man, I just feel this 100%.
Thanks so much for your time, dude.
And so you could get a call any day and get those hitters, huh?
Man, any day, dude.
I'm looking forward to it, dude.
And, you know, seeing you again, I'm going to take a flight.
I'm going to go.
First thing I'll do, man, I'm going to take a flight out to the Carnegie Store, watch me some comedy for a good week or so, and just enjoy life, man.
Well, look, man, I'll say this, dude.
We have a Patreon here, and you know, I think we got enough money in the account, bro.
Whenever you get them new hitters, dude, we'll get you down here, get you on an episode.
That's so kind of you, man.
I appreciate that.
Dude, yeah, I want to talk more about this kind of stuff in studio and get you on an episode and get you over to the store.
And, you know, and they got some real, you know, straight gutter chicks and dudes over there we could probably introduce you to as well.
We'd love to see him, man.
We'd love to meet him.
I'm a fan of it, man.
Thanks, man.
Let me end by saying this, dude.
Yeah.
I love Man Up.
I love Man Up, dude.
Thanks, bro.
I'm so happy for you, dude, aren't you?
I love it, dude.
Thanks, man.
Well, you know what it is, dude?
Those are real callers to the podcast, except for the Bobby Lee when his girlfriend, you know, I wanted to get a woman to call him as well.
So I was talking to her about the show, and I was like, Bobby definitely has problems.
And she goes, oh, she goes, well, I'll call him with some problems of Bobby's.
But the other two were real calls, man.
So it's just crazy, you know?
That's so awesome, man.
It's so awesome.
You know, there was this one joke that you said, or there's this one instance you had with, I think his name was Matt.
And you guys were in the bar, and you said hello to this woman, and you said, I have adult asthma.
And she was like, oh, okay.
And you know, yeah, I was just trying to make sure if we could relate on certain ailments that we had, right?
And I thought about that.
I was like, man, I feel like I indirectly influenced this man in this bit right here.
I love it.
You might have, man.
You might have been a writer and you didn't even know it, bro.
Love it, man.
Love it, dude.
Again, man, I'm proud of you, dude.
And like I said, I just thank you very much for calling, man.
It means a lot for me as well.
We're each other's strengths in this way, man.
Well, I want to apologize too, man.
I feel like I probably could have been a little bit more on the ball and keeping in touch over the past couple, past months, you know.
And so, you know, I hope you forgive me for that, man.
Oh, of course.
No worries, man.
Never once have I felt that, man.
So, hey, man, like I said, how do you, dude?
Thank you very much for calling, man.
And anytime, anytime as you know.
Yeah, man.
I'll be keeping in touch, dude.
And thank you so much for your time today, man.
Send me a couple of pics of you in the hospital.
I'll pull some off the Instagram so if we package this up that we can get this out there, dude.
I mean, you just, thank you so much, man.
I just really appreciate your time today, man.
Of course, Theo, man.
As we remember my last text, I'm happy to be a part of it, man.
Yeah, 100%, man.
Onward, bro.
Be good, Mickey.
I'll talk to you soon.
Bye, Theo.
You take care, man.
All right, YouTube, brother.
All right, man.
Onward.
Onward.
You know, having him call and spend time when I don't even know how much time, and he don't even know how much, what his time is like.
You know, and when I saw him in person, he looks a lot younger because his body is not holding on as much weight and muscle.
You know, he, because your body ain't concerned about that, about cosmetic stuff.
Your body ain't, you know, thinking about L'Oreal and S. D. Lauder.
Your body's thinking about, well, I just need to be, I need to, you know, take care of what's going on inside.
I'm going to spend my energy there.
And so he looks like 20 or something, but he's 28, I think, or maybe.
I don't even know.
He's an adult, you know, but he's not 20. But he looks so young.
He looks maybe even 17 or 18. But I didn't know him when he was well.
You know, I only known him when he had this illness.
And I don't know.
I don't even know what I'm trying to say.
I just got a lot of my mind, I guess.
You know, I feel fucking kind of filled up.
That's crazy.
You know, I wasn't even expecting to really get into all that kind of stuff today.
And then here we did.
But that's life.
That's life.
You know, you don't know what you're going to get into.
You don't know.
You know, you don't know.
And then you show up.
And then life says, oh, here.
Here's what you could get into today.
You know, here's somebody maybe you can help today.
You know?
There's always a lower low.
If you take anything out of that call right there, that's what I'm taking.
You know, I'm sitting here thinking, I'll tell you right now the things I'm in fear of right now in my life.
I'm in fear that people are going to think that I'm not a good person.
That's one of my biggest ones always.
Ever since I was a child, or something happened, I don't know.
But I feel like even if I care about somebody that they're not going to believe it and they're going to think I'm a fraud.
And so then I get afraid to care.
And then it just, that whole thing metastasizes.
And, you know, that's a bad little cyclone for me.
You know, I'm, I'm, I'm, you know what things I'm worried about?
I got a little dent on the back of my car from an accident a while back.
I'm worried about that.
That thing keeps popping in my fucking head.
You know what I'm worried about?
I'm worried about, you know, I'm worried about I haven't, you know, been going to the gym or taking as good care of myself physically.
You know, maybe I don't look 100% the way that I want to look.
Those are things that I'm worried about.
Those are my worries right now.
I mean, I'm worried about some other people too.
I'm worried about my sister.
You know, I want her to be happy and I want her to be well.
And, you know, she's getting healthier out there in her life right now.
And that's, you know, I'm worried about her.
I'm worried about my mother.
You know, she hurt her hip last week.
And so I'm thinking about her.
You know, there's some other people I'm worried about.
I'm worried about some of my friends in the AA program.
I'm worried about, you know, those things, stuff like that.
But, man, when you look at that, when I look at that, when I take that, those bunch of little worries and fears are, you know, man, I'm doing okay.
I'm doing okay.
Somebody out there don't have it, but somebody out there is laying in a coma flirting with the Lord right now.
And their families around them thinking about him and wishing for them.
I'm doing okay.
So I don't mean to bring people into that depth right now.
But fuck, I don't know.
I don't even know if I'm going to put this on today's episode.
You know, this call, I came in and did this call in advance.
I was going to do a follow-up.
But I might make this the fucking episode today.
I don't know.
If it's not, if it is, because I haven't even done the episode yet.
So if I'm, this might not even make sense, but I haven't taped today's episode yet.
I'm about to do that next.
But I might just tape a beginning and just put this whole Mickey call on because what am I going to do?
I'm going to take this moment, this real moment he and I had and shelve it, you know, for when it's comfortable, you know, or later?
Is there a, when is the later?
Do I know?
You know, what if me, you know, this dude's on a transplant list and he just got expedited up the list.
Look, when I saw him two months ago, six weeks ago, he wasn't at the top of the list.
And he said it could be any day now.
He gets him new hitters.
Get in there.
It could be any day, boy, Mickey coming in with them hot fucking, you know, airbags.
That dude, because that dude's running those fucking small Ziplocs, them little baby ones right now.
You might put half a sandwich in.
You ever get that bitch?
You had lunch, you open your sack, and you get that fucking little half.
Ziploc started making them damn, those angry mother sacks.
That's what I call them.
You ever get that little hitter from your mother?
You got half a sandwich in that bitch?
Or that's the kind of, that's when your stepdaddy made your lunch.
You know that.
You get in and you open your lunch sack and it feels kind of heavy.
You're thinking, oh, I got this new stepdaddy.
He going to treat me right with that brown bag hitter.
And then you, and you little.
So it's a, you know, opening that brown bag when you little at lunch at the schoolhouse, you cracking that thing.
It takes you a second.
You got to unfold it and you got to read the side.
You know, what's up, motherfucker?
Have a good day.
Love, you know, Mr. Tim or whatever his name is, you know, Mr. Daryl, whoever your new stepdaddy is.
And you're like, oh, he made me this thing, you know?
And you reach down in that sack and you got to put your arm, you got a little arm.
You got to put that bitch almost all the way in that lunch sack.
And you get in there and you pull out that sandwich and it's one of those little half things.
Because Ziploc started making little ones.
And he made half a sandwich and put it in that thing.
And it's not even a unique, you know.
And you're like, this is supposed to be for just some jelly beans or something.
It's Stepdaddy Sandwich Day.
That's Stepdaddy Sandwich Day.
And that is a sin.
And that is a sin.
But those are the airbags that Mickey's running on.
Them half-hitters, man.
And it's crazy that a little bit of air left in his lungs.
And he is thinking about that there's somebody worse off than him.
Fuck.
Look, bro, if that ain't the, look, what else am I going to talk about today?
We had some calls that came in.
Maybe I got to some of those first or maybe I got to some of those second.
I don't know.
This might be the whole episode.
This might be the end.
This might be the beginning.
I'm not sure.
But if this was today's episode, man, I don't, what else do I need to get through the week?
What else do you need?
If you have any thoughts on today's episode, hit the hotline, man.
985-664-9503.
As well, we're still taking calls for Greyhound.
We're going to do an expose number two.
You know, I want to thank Gray Block Pizza as always.
I want to thank whatever higher power out there, my God, whatever that keeps me alive, so that maybe I can wake up tomorrow and not think about, oh, what's going to happen to me today, but how can I be a part of something that happened to somebody else?
Because if I don't do that, then what the fuck am I doing?
You know, what the fuck am I doing if I'm not doing that?
Because God dang, you know what is my biggest sickness?
If I look back on my life is worrying about me.
You know, worrying about me.
And maybe next week I'll be infected by myself again.
But right now, today, for this moment, I'm going to try not to be.
And that's trick-along Mickey, man.
Damn.
What the fuck.
Dude, almost out of lungs, but goddamn, how many hearts does he have?
Thank you guys for being here with me, man.
I'm going to try and pipe.
I'm going to pipe a Celebrate in right now Because this is I'll be dying if it don't fit right now.
���� Hit that hotline, guys.
If you have any thoughts, we might do a follow-up on the Mickey episode on Thursday.
We'll do that old-fashioned follow-up.
If you've had an experience You know that soon we're gonna die Or you've been close to the edge Let's have some fun while we all die I don't know, man.
Fucking whatever.
You think Nikki's out of his mind?
Maybe he don't have enough air in his brain anymore.
Whatever you think.
You hit that hotline, man.
I'm out here feeling, bruh.
You need me?
I'll be in my feeling.
Test some fun while we all die.
Be good to yourselves.
Probably.
May.
you Thank you.
Thank you.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
The answer may shock you.
Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
Sometimes I won't.
And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
You have three new voice messages.
A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else.
So great.
Hi, Sui.
Easy deal.
Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.
Jamain.
Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.
Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
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