Follow up to Monday's episode. Aziz chatter. Callers respond to mom's inquiry. Trying to legally still be a man. Riverside. Sorry so emo. See you in Jacksonville. Hotline: 985-664-9503 Grey Block Pizza www.greyblockpizza.com Patreon Support: www.patreon.com/theovon Thank You Chris Perez. Kaz. Bud Galloway. Sherbbbbbb. Weeee Areeeee GUNT-shall!!!! Matthew Snow Renee Nicol Ryan Wolfe Angelo Raygun Carla Huffman Robyn Tatu Beau Adams Yoga Max Bowden Shawn-Leigh henry Roar Hanasand Laura Williams Not Even Wrong Xela Person Open Mind 101 Deanna Smith Mona McCune Suzanne O'Reilly Rashelle Raymond Chad Saltzman James Bown Brian Szilagyi Monica Hynes Matt Eckenrode Arielle Nicole Greg H Dave Engelman Dylan Clune Calvin Doyle Robert Doucette Jacob Ortega Jesse Witham Andrea Gagliani Scott Swain William Morris Qie Jenkins Aaron Jones Jon Ross Kevin Best Haley Brown Ned Arick Milo J Garcia Lauren Cribb Ty Oliver Tom in Rural NC Christian from Bakersfield Brian Martinez Matthew Holland Charley Dunham Casey RobertsSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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All right, let's crack open a can of this, you know, butt magic.
Let's crack open a can of this.
Let's crack open a can of this.
Man, you gotta you felt that, huh?
Man, that felt like a beautiful, just like a big black girl just jumped on my back and just dove just down my throat into my soul there at the end on that last, on that hit or riff.
Let's catch another, catch another, catch another sniff of this man, that thing was tight.
That note was tight, man, like they trying to put that note in your butt.
That note was, you could, I mean, that thing, you got to really do some work to get that thing out into the world.
The tightness of that note.
Happy Thursday, guys.
Happy Thursday afternoon.
Or Thursday morning, actually.
It's going to be Thursday morning.
And I am here in America.
I'm coming to you live from Los Angeles, California.
It's Thursday, January 18 in the year 2018.
That's what I need sometimes, just that.
Just let the stop the Mary go round.
Stop the, stop, just, there never, remember, there used to be so much more peace in our everyday lives.
And some people might not remember that.
If you were, if you're, you know, and I'm aging myself here, but whatever, dude, you know what I'm saying?
I'll date your grandmother's freaking friend.
You know?
And if you're, if you are, there used to be so much peace.
You had so much peace.
There were not as many electronic.
I mean, I'm talking about when I was a child.
And you would get home and there wasn't as many electronics buzzing.
And there weren't as many, you know, everybody wasn't recording everything.
And there just wasn't, there was more peace.
Man, I have a tough time these days getting peace.
That's what I'm really, that's what I find.
I would, dude, I would suck, you know, I'll suck a nap out of, you know, I'll suck a comfortable nap out of, or I'll suck a quiet afternoon out of somebody's yak.
You feel me?
I will suck somebody's yank for, you know, a couple hours of peace and quiet.
That's what it's going to come to.
That's what it's going to come to.
You're going to be walking, you know, through the tenderloin district or one of these, you know, seedy areas in a certain city and somebody's going to be like, hey, hey, hey, come here, man.
You know, how about you?
You know, how about you?
Let me suck your dick for a little peace and quiet.
That's going to be the drug because it used to be so much more peaceful.
And I think if you're, you know, I'm 37, I'm an adult male.
And if you are probably, if you're 20, if you're 20, and this is going to sound, I mean, I just sound probably like an old guy.
That's what I sound like.
Oh, the old guy telling us things used to be so quiet, but it used to be so much more relaxing.
I mean, I picked up a book yesterday.
Have you tried to open a book and look, you're like, what the fuck?
This is the worst video ever.
Every time I look at a book, I'm like, ah, it is hard.
It's just my ability to be patient with my ability to be patient has just is decimated.
It's decimated.
I have a tough time.
I have a tough time.
But yeah, I picked up a book yesterday, like an old paperback.
It wasn't even shiny or fancy.
And I'm just like, dang, this is pretty sad.
And I like to read.
I like to absorb.
And here I am thinking that.
So I just wonder, what is this?
What is it?
What is the few, what does it look like here in the next 10 years?
You know, when you can't, when there's, you know, when it has to be video or your brain, it's like, it's too slow.
Because I also notice things that are too slow for me now.
Like if I call someone's phone number and it doesn't go straight to voicemail, but it has that thing where it's like, to leave a voice message, press one.
To have the color return your something or other, press two.
If it's not just, you know, hey, it's John, you meet your cell phone.
Call me back.
Beep.
If it's not that, I get pissed.
Because I just am impatient.
I don't want to deal with that extra seven seconds of bullshit that I already have heard a million times.
And then I don't even want to leave the message.
Then I don't even want to fucking talk to John anymore.
Because I don't like the bullshit that he's putting between us.
I don't like, you know, suddenly I'm angry at John because he doesn't like, he doesn't have the machinery or the software that I vibe with the most.
And I just get, and it's me.
I know it's me.
You know, I could go live in the woods or live in a tent or take more hikes or do other things that would, you know, get me out of that realm, you know, and take those, you know, and get those, you know, those, what are those things that stick to a boat?
Scallops.
Get those scallops off my body.
You know, because I let those scallops start to build up by not being out in nature, by not swimming, you know, by not stepping in a puddle or fucking, you know, getting a couple pats of mud and putting them on your neck or putting them on your back and just being a part of nature and slowing it down.
You know, I remember the first time I went, I didn't really go camping, I got locked out of the house.
And, you know, me and my brother slept under the eve of the house, you know, by the porch.
And, dude, there was so much bullshit down under there.
And, you know, we ended up actually finding a plumbing problem that we had.
My mother didn't know we had it.
And it, you know, almost really broke us as a family financially once we found that.
But, you know, but it was interesting just being outside for a little while, I remember as a kid and slowing it down.
You know, I even just remember that.
I do remember a couple of moments of how quiet it was.
You know, it was also quiet I found whenever I was when I was young, it was quiet.
You know, I talked about this on last week's episode that it was quiet when my family would get together when the power went out.
And that was one of the, that was one time in my home that there was a lot of peace in the air when the power went out when I was a child because, you know, because you got together.
You fucking got together.
Where are you?
Suddenly you needed each other.
There was a commonality.
You know, because my family didn't have a strong family, there was no familial bond.
There was none of that shit.
You know, it was just felt like a, just like a rescue center.
And we used to fight and we used to fight at the table.
And the best thing you could do during dinner at my house was if you could make fun of somebody hard enough until they cried and they had a mouthful of food.
And if you've never seen somebody cry with a mouthful of food, I mean, it is, it's messed up.
Yes, I agree.
Secondarily to it being messed up, it is hilarious.
Because they can't swallow because they can't swallow because they're crying.
And they can't cry that good because their mouth is full of food.
And so there's, I mean, it was, and that was like, that was when at my house, that's when you got somebody.
When you had them crying with that mouth, you had them, you know, jawed up on a fucking couple grams of Salisbury steak.
And they was jawed up on that and running some, you know, half a mouth still full of hot potats, bruh.
And then you hit them with a couple of jabs and they started crying.
You hit them in the feelings.
Because in my household, that was the only way that we showed attention to each other.
It was the only time we even spoke to each other, I felt like, when we were kids.
And it's unfortunate.
I'm not saying that that's a good way to grow up.
It wasn't fun.
But it was, you know, it was real.
And then the time when we enjoyed each other's company, when we're at peace, when we found some solace, when we found some, you know, I remember if the power would go out, I'd be, you know, doing whatever I was doing.
I was living in my own world, doing what I wanted to do for me.
But then the power went out and I was scared.
You know, I didn't want to be alone.
I needed more than just myself then.
So we go and mom had two candles in there.
And so we go in there and we need, that's when, you know, there was a necessity there.
It created that created necessity.
You know, and I think it created with that darkness, even though, you know, we're in our home, I think, even as a mother, I think there's just something innate, you know, something that goes back to what's important about motherhood and that it, you know, it grips you in the neck and you say when the power goes out, where are my children?
You know, where are, you know, these extensions of my body?
Where's the rest of me?
You know, I'm assuming that's probably what a mother feels sometimes.
And so my mother, you know, we would find our mom and our mom wanted to find us.
And then we would all be together and those candles would be lit and you couldn't go outside of the glow of those candles because it was, you know, you don't know what was out there.
And you wanted to keep tabs on each other in your body, your nerves were alert.
So like, you know, if you were touching, you know, not touching, not being, you know, you know, sensual or being wild, but if you were just touching or tickling each other as children, you were feeling, it was so heightened.
And your nerve, your, your ears, my nerves would go to my ears and I would have, I could hear.
I mean, I could hear, I felt like I could hear the whole world because I would just be so, so, I needed to.
I needed to hear if anything was coming and not spraying out.
I'm talking an animal or a, you know, a Voldemort or a falcon or a bad falcon or something dangerous was coming and I needed to be able to hear.
And suddenly my ears just developed these long, capable arms that reached out into the distance and fucking brought in every sound that was around.
And I just, and I love that time.
I loved it because our family was together at those moments and we needed each other and we wanted to be together and we wanted each other to all be safe and it was peaceful and it was so quiet.
And that's the quietest I remember it being was when the power went out.
Now fast forward to now, the power doesn't even go out as much as it used to.
Because now we have generators and backup generators and we got big Larry or whatever who works down at the power plant who's supposed to make sure he presses this button if the rains come, you know, or whatever.
We have all these backups in order.
And it's just kind of, I don't know.
You know, you just, I miss that piece.
Because for somebody like me, who it's hard to find, it's hard for me to find peace anyway, to not have it be as readily available as it was due to, you know, technology and due to our attention span.
I mean, another thing is just my attention span.
Come on.
A span, I would barely call it that.
I notice if I'm reading, I'll read one paragraph.
By the second paragraph, my mind goes off to something else.
You know?
What did that girl say?
Or, you know, man, I haven't seen her in a long time.
Or start thinking about sex.
I will think directly about some dang beehole, you know, some troubled beehole that I've seen on the internet or some set of tits that I've seen on the internet.
You know, immediately.
I'm reading a fucking chapter of Mark Twain, dude.
And then it's just like, next thing you know, in my mind, I picture Mark Twain, you know, fucking by a fence or something.
And the next thing you know, my brain is gone.
And I have to recalibrate.
Boom.
Let me get back into this story.
And it's just my attention span.
It's all, everything's, it's just a different time.
It's a different, it's a different time.
But I like this instrumental that came in here.
This was Josh Porter.
And he sent this in.
And it was called Luchador's Longfellow.
That is what the song is called.
I'm going to let you catch one more little hit of that right here.
Here we go.
Hear them heavy tones right there, boy?
Sound like somebody's trying to put the moves on a fucking ice cube right there.
Like somebody's trying to just tickle the nipples of an ice cube.
So cold.
It's so hot.
At the same time.
Happy Thursday to you guys.
I want to tell you guys too, man.
I'm going to tell you about them right now.
And that's Gray Block Pizza.
And they got them beautiful.
They got the, they got all kinds of Frenchie.
They got these beautiful pizza pies over there.
The Frenchie, the Farmer's Delight.
The Onion, the Q, the Caps.
Got that Portabella Oyster.
That shiitake mushroom with the Parmesan Fantina Romano.
And they got all that at Gray Block Pizza.
And their link is on the YouTube.
And they're over there at 1811 Pico Boulevard on the way to the beach in Los Angeles.
If you're headed to the beach, stop at Gray Block and get that hit up.
Thank you guys for being with us.
I want to thank everybody that subscribed on YouTube.
Dude, we're up to 21,000 subscribers.
And man, I cannot even tell you how, well, to be honest, I feel a couple of things.
I feel some pressure, you know, and I know that that's just me.
I just, you know, I want, you know, I just want to continue to show up and help do some things and make this thing bigger and broader.
I have some neat ideas that we're going to try and do some fundraising as a group that I'm going to be contributing to and do some cool stuff.
You know, a lot of big ideas.
And a lot of those are starting to be able to execute them.
And so, but I'm grateful to you guys because this is kind of crazy.
Like, you know, I started doing this podcast and I didn't know.
I didn't know what I was going to talk about.
I still don't even know what the fuck I'm talking about.
You know, and I have this horrible shirt on.
If you can see on the YouTube, wow, this shirt is really questionable.
And it looks, I mean, it looks like just like a damn, it looks like a dang semen cloud just busted right up over my house.
And I, you know, got batched out, to be honest with you.
And that I know is going to be a grody thing for some people to think about.
And I'm sorry.
And I won't say something like that again.
But here's the thing, though.
By being a listener, by being a supporter, and there's been, I can't tell you how many nice emails that I've gotten, you know, people just saying thanks and thank you.
And here's the thing, by people listening and being a part of this, like I hate to say this, it might sound a little bit, you know, greedy or egotistical, but it makes, it make, it made me come back to do it.
You know, like if it wasn't for you guys listening, I might have just, you know, I might not have gotten out of some of the ruts that I was in because I needed this thing.
You know, I needed to come here and have some people to talk to and to think about stuff with.
And so I just, man, I really, you know, I'm very grateful.
I'm very grateful.
This has been a lot of fun.
We're going to do a lot of neat things as a group.
We're going to do a lot of things that are going to lift people's hearts and lift people's spirits.
We're going to start doing some things for some single mothers out there.
We're going to do some cool stuff this year.
And I just want to thank you.
I want to thank everybody on Patreon that's been supportive and everybody that's been listening and subscribing.
And yeah, it's just cool.
All my life, I just, you know, I think I want, you know, I want to do something good and helpful.
And I feel like, you know, sorry, dude, I'm getting a little caught up.
But I feel like, you know, this podcast is maybe a way that I can, you know, help do that sometimes.
So I'm not saying that I do that.
I'm not saying that I think I help.
I'm not saying any of that.
I just feel like there's moments that we have on here or that I'll read something that somebody sent or a comment or something that makes me, it makes me, it makes me not think about myself for a little bit.
And for me, that's a blessing because I think I grew up just thinking about myself a lot because I had to to take care of myself.
And now I don't have to, but I still have to shed some of those old ways.
You know, and I still have to get my, you know, I don't think I'm egomaniacal, but I do think sometimes I'm self-centered.
But now, man, I'm just trying to get these reins off my shoulders and get that drip, drip out into the world.
But we're going to do some cool stuff, and I appreciate you guys' support.
What else, man?
The Saints game.
We're going to talk about a couple things.
The Saints game, you know, a lot of you guys were on here with me last on Monday's episode when the Saints game hit and I fell apart.
You know, my brother called and he called because we usually talk after the game, and I guess I hadn't reached out to him and he called and checked in and we talked about it on air.
And they lost, man.
And they lost.
And it was, I mean, the next day, I literally felt like I felt like they won, but they didn't advance, if that makes any sense.
And I just felt bad for some of those young guys.
And I felt like this.
There's a last play, and I think it'll always be one of the stranger plays in NFL football, where Mr. Williams, he's going for the tackle.
And Mr. Diggs, he plays on the Minnesota Vikings.
He has the ball.
And Mr. Williams tries to hit that man, and he misses him completely.
But he shouldn't have.
And for me, I think this is why it happened.
I think it happened because they called two really bad penalties on Mr. Williams early in the game.
And Mr. Williams, this is his first year in the NFL.
And this is his biggest game of his career.
If you look back, there couldn't have been a bigger game for this gentleman.
And I think he's an African-American gentleman.
He might be full black.
I don't know.
Mixed guy.
I'm not sure.
But he plays defensive back.
And I believe he's number 43. And he's had a great year.
I almost want to say he, I don't know if he went to the Pro Bowl, but he's had a great year.
And I think that they make those bad calls in the NFL early because they don't let these guys play football anymore.
And then by the end of the game, he was nervous.
You have these guys nervous to play football.
And that's weird because it's football.
And I just think sometimes it's like these guys know they're playing football.
Yes, we want to make the game safer for them, but we don't want to make them so nervous to make a play that there aren't any more great plays made.
You know, I mean, because the way it should have broke down was that he should have made that tackle and that game should have ended.
But he's afraid to touch the guy now because he's already had two not good pass interference calls made against him.
So you got a scared rookie out there.
You know, just because of the way the play calling, he's worked his whole career to get up to this point.
And now just because of the way that the penalties are being called, he's nervous.
I just don't think it creates the best product.
Now, I think they should make the helmets out of rubber.
Make the field out of something a little more cavalier.
You know, maybe denim.
Something where these men aren't, you know, they don't have to kill each other, but they can still hit each other.
Because a lot of these men are dogs.
A lot of these men are Rottweiler, Bishon, you know, jacked up Russell Terrier, Aficionado, fucking pit bulls.
And they want to attack.
So then you have them all, you get this awkward stuff going on there.
I feel like most of the, there's a lot more anger going on at the end of the play when they're yelling at each other than there is on the field, than there is during the actual plays these days.
But yet maybe the NFL is more popular than ever.
I don't know.
I don't know what the numbers are.
But for me, at halftime of that game, I felt like I was watching a really advanced flag football.
And maybe that's just what the world is becoming.
Maybe we're becoming flag football.
I mean, it's hard to be a man.
It's hard to be a man.
But I'll say this as well, that the thing that consoled me and made me feel better, and I was talking about this on Facebook Live last night, was that watching the videos of the Minnesota Vikings fans, watching the videos of them feel joy and feel, you know, feel excitement and just the joy.
Just them just elated.
Just them to know that a miracle can happen in a second, that something could change.
And that made me feel picked up.
You know, because it took me out of me thinking about, oh, my team lost.
And still, my team had still lost, but now another team had won.
Another group of people were feeling something good.
So it made the illness that I was afflicted by, the downs, and I'm not talking down syndrome.
I'm talking about feeling downs in the dumps, down in the dumps.
It lifted that a little bit because if you added those two sums up and divided them by two, it sets me a little closer to the middle than it does if I'm just down and you divide that by two.
So that's what did it for me.
But man, what a season by the Saints.
You know, I'm still, I think Sean Payton got the luckiest draft ever.
I think they've had the weird, I think his ego has gotten out of control.
I don't think he's been the same coach since they won the previous Super Bowl when he got divorced.
To me, and this is all speculation.
You know, this is all just me being a fan.
I mean, I love the Saints.
But to me, I feel like players respond differently over the years to a married man, a man who's out there and is toeing the line each day and going to work and leading by example.
And then, you know, he was, you know, he's hobnobbing with these ladies and he's in the club and he's, you know, doing the Dougie and all this shit over the years.
And I think that that changed some of the vibe over there.
But it was tough to see.
I wanted to see Drew Brees versus Tom Brady in the Super Bowl.
I will actually be in Jacksonville this weekend, popping off down there in Jacksonville.
And if you ever want to find a dead body, I suggest you go to Jacksonville because it seems like the kind of area where people are straight up HNCs, you know what I'm saying?
Hiding carcasses.
And that's a fact, Jack.
You know, I used to drive along the interstate when I was young.
I used to peek out the window and look for bodies in the distance.
And a lot of you guys know I found two fingers in the woods when I was young and turned them over to the police.
And the man put them in a Ziploc bag and threw them in the trunk of his car and took off.
So I haven't found a whole body, but I'll be damned if I haven't found about at least probably maybe 1% of a body.
All right, let's get into a little bit more stuff that's going on here.
It's hard to be a man these days.
It's hard.
And I think the toughness for me, I mean, especially in Los Angeles, you can't, good luck meeting a woman.
The best you can hope for these days in Los Angeles is you go out to the club, you know, you don't get in a lawsuit.
That's the big thing.
You know, like they should open up a club where it's called NDA, Nondisclosure Agreement.
Everybody signs one before they go in just to know that if you wink at a woman, she's not going to say you took a swing at her with your eyelashes because it's getting wild.
I won't even masturbate locally.
I refuse to masturbate locally.
I'll drive out to Riverside or I'll drive out there near Commerce Casino and, you know, spray out around back of there or around that area.
Not at a park, in a safer area.
But I'm not jerking locally.
You're crazy.
You are crazy.
I'm afraid even, I'm thinking about getting a bunch of garlic and hanging it up because I'm afraid that some woman out there is going to buy a Ouija board and accuse me of trying to, you know, diddle up in her seance zones.
So it's tough.
It's tough.
I mean, I think there's probably a lot of men out there who are, you know, getting involved in homosexuality because they don't even, they're just tired of it.
They're like, look, dude, let's go back to your place.
You know, let's both be fucking just blindfold each other and just act like, you know, pretend, you know, maybe play sounds of women in the background or something.
I don't know.
But it's tough.
And you had the big case with Aziz.
And sorry, we talked about it the other day a little bit.
And I get nervous to talk about some of this stuff.
And I know I shouldn't.
But I'll say this.
I mean, I could see, when I read this story, I could see this being Aziz type behavior to me.
I mean, you know, Aziz is one of the only comedians I've ever met where when I shook his hand, he didn't look at me.
You know, he just is like, he seemed to me like he has this vibe about him that he's better than other people, which is fine.
Maybe he is in some realms.
But, you know, I haven't really, I've, you know, the only other comedian that didn't look at me when he shook my hand was Chappelle.
And that's fine.
I mean, Chappelle is, you know, he's really good at what he, I mean, he's a legend.
You know, his new special, man, I haven't seen the second hour, but that first hour, it might have saved comedy by him talking about things that, just to make words okay to say.
But yeah, you had this instance.
It was a crazy instance.
And then years later, you know, the girl brings it up and it's tough.
And I think some women are probably confused about the me too.
Do I say something?
Was it really something?
You know, say if a woman's only had one sexual experience and it was uncomfortable, but over the, say with she, say she had five more over the next two years or she's going to have five more, and then she'll realize that it wasn't uncomfortable, that it was just her scope of knowing what was, what, you know, getting involved with someone was like sexually was limited.
But she makes that claim now, you know, and puts someone's name out there because that's the thing.
It's just so damaging.
And maybe, or maybe it was a bad instance that a girl had, you know.
But it's just, I think it's, I don't know how you get this right.
Because also there's some things out there, you know, because you don't want...
She texted him the next day and let him know that she felt like she was not appreciated.
She felt like he didn't recognize proper signs.
And I wouldn't be surprised.
It sounds like he didn't.
But it also sounds like there were other signs where if you're a man that's in the heat of that beat, that you are not going to be probably as keen to notice them.
You know, I mean, when a man gets overcome with sensuality, you know, it's almost like somebody takes out a fucking little mallet and starts just beating a mallet at the base of their spine.
And then that rattle goes up their back.
And that's a sex rattle.
And they start wanting to do sex and experience sex and titties and everything.
Or even if it's, it's just, it overcomes, it's a limbic thing.
That arousal, you, I mean, you look and look in the jungle when a lion see a girl lion in the distance or a cheetah, you know, or a lynx that's wearing some tight, you know, have some tight fur on her legs.
He perks up.
And at that point, when he's perked up, it's tough to notice things.
It's tough probably to notice smaller signs.
Because the foot, the biological foot of the universe that tells you, that pushes you towards procreation and doing skeet out of your body is already being accelerated.
So it's like, you know, it's tough to, how do we manage that when it is beyond, when it when it is beyond, it's not our choice sometimes.
Now, at the point, if you know, like, of course, I'm not saying if you, some girl, if a girl or a guy, if you're doing male-on-male sex, if a man is being, you know, saying he don't want it, he doesn't want it, he's not interested, no, then you need to know that shit.
And we all, and part of us, I mean, a lot of this comes back to people taking responsibility for themselves.
No means no.
That's easy.
That's why it is no.
They gave an opposite to no, and it's yes.
That's the things.
But ladies also, you know, to be so empowered and so in control of yourself, but then to show up and it sounded from this Aziz story to stay in an environment where it wasn't the most suited for comfort, I don't know.
You know, it just creates, there's a lot of gray area in all this is what I'm saying.
And I feel like a lot of this and a lot of this I've always said goes back to what's going on in these classrooms when people are children and when children are children, those same people.
That's what I'm talking about.
Because the shit we're teaching each other, the shit we're teaching our kids, I don't give a fuck about most of it.
You know, I don't, these days, I don't care if my kid can, you know, do times tables past nine.
I do care if my kid knows how to share his feelings with someone else.
And I'm not saying share what he thinks because everybody's doing that shit.
You know, everybody's woke and all this bullshit.
And a lot of that is bullshit to me.
You want to get really woke?
Try and understand what somebody else is going through.
I'm just so sick of fucking hashtag.
A hashtag does nothing.
It does nothing.
You know, there might be some awareness, but what it really does for, you know, if you want to help something, go help it.
Donate.
You know, I'm just so, it's like, I don't know.
I don't even know what the fuck I'm talking about, dude.
But it's hard.
It's tough out there for men.
And I can't believe that these aren't the things that we're starting to teach each other, teach children in an education system.
Half the people ain't even fucking paying attention in school anyway.
So let's get that goo-goo.
Let's get into people's juju, you know?
Crack open that sternum.
Get them aortas thumping.
Because when a man gets out there, he needs to know how to be a man.
And, you know, with women, there's so much empowerment, so much after-the-fact empowerment.
Let's get the empowerment early.
Let's get the empowerment.
Let's get the me too in second grade and start teaching kids what it's like and what kind of the vibe is like in certain instances.
You know, we're so case, you know, we have such a weird thing about sex here in America.
We have such a weird thing about sex.
And maybe I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.
And you know what?
That's highly, highly plausible.
We had some calls that came in, though, man.
I'm going to go through a couple of those a little bit right now, some neat thoughts.
And thank you for hitting the hotline.
And that number is 985-664-9503.
Here we go.
Hey, Theo.
This is Kevin from Pleiselia, California.
Just listening to the podcast.
I got to the part where you said you paused it before the Saints lost.
I'm a Saints fan too, man.
So sad.
We'll get him again next year.
Take it easy.
And you know what?
I can't even remember if I already played that call or not.
But yeah, will we get them next year?
It's all there is to say.
Because only one team wins it.
You know, only one team wins it.
And there's still some good teams in it.
There's some great fan bases.
You know, Philadelphia, great fan base.
Minnesota, great fan base.
You know, they're going to be out there.
It's going to create some good new rivalries.
That's exciting.
Jacksonville's in there.
Dude, anything is good for Jacksonville.
And I'll be there this weekend, actually, at the Comedy Club.
So I just want to let you guys know that, that I'll be in Jacksonville at the Comedy Club this weekend.
I will also be, I'll be coming up in Tacoma in March.
You can go look at that.
It's on the calendar now.
And the April dates will be on the calendar this week.
A lot of dates popping up on there.
Okay, here we go with another call that came in.
This was Aubrey.
Let's check it.
Hey, Theo.
This is Aubrey from Pittsburgh.
We've had some fun little Instagram exchanges sometimes.
You know, nothing dirty or anything.
I'm a dog walker.
I listen to you while I'm...
And this is a good line, and this isn't my line.
A friend of mine told me this one time.
If you see a lady walking a dog, and the dog is a male dog, then you say to the lady, you say, hey, that's a pretty girl you got there.
And she says, it's a male.
And you say, oh, I was talking to the dog.
And then that lets her know that you're trying to catch her little dirty frisbee in your mouth.
You know what I'm saying?
What the fuck am I even talking about?
All right, let's go.
Here we go.
Welcome to the old puppies.
I listened to today's podcast.
A little bit surprised at the exchange with you and Zoe.
You know.
And she's talking about Zoe Monroe.
And Zoe Monroe, even though she's named after obviously a Civil War general who also probably stole the name from a Native American, M-U-N-R-O, but Zoe Monroe is a butt actress.
She does, you know, all types of butt activities and, you know, tits, circus, and all of that.
Sex artist, pornography.
And she called in a last week's episode, Onward.
Talking about the dark arts all the time and how much you kind of are sort of against masturbation with the porn and everything.
And then to have that, I mean, kind of weird.
Okay, so you're saying it's kind of weird that we had her on and then also, but those are things I'm against.
I agree.
And we needed that.
We needed to talk to a pornographer to know if it's okay to pleasure oneself to dead artists.
And I've still come to the conclusion I don't think it's cool.
I don't think it's cool.
And I've also thought that we might get a seancer on here, someone who does seancers, and get in touch with one of the deceased porn artists and see if we can ask them personally and get their word.
So if you guys think that's a cool idea or it's a weird idea, whatever, put it in that YouTube into the comments down there, and we'll see kind of what the vibe is on that.
Not to continue to discuss porn, but to, but, you know, it's tough.
And I've landed on the fact that I don't think it's okay to jerk off to the deceased.
And I don't think that's crazy.
If you're driving down the road and you're jerking off, okay?
You know, this is just a hypothesis.
You're driving down the road and you are just touching your little fucking long green bean, you know?
And that could be your wiener or could be some lady's got that freaking, you know, they got that tender lima down there, you know.
But you're touching that green bean and you see a dead body and it's sexy.
It's wearing a bathing suit.
You're going to jerk off?
No.
So that's really where, you know, some of my thoughts come from.
But I see what you're saying.
We have her on the, we talk to her and, you know, it's like, well, if we're against the dark arts and we're trying to stay out of our crotch and stay out of, you know, vibing into our dirty pleasures, then why are we discussing things with her?
Well, we needed her as a reference.
And secondarily, you know, like, I mean, I would not want my sister doing pornography.
You know, it would make me feel a certain way.
And also wanted to have Zoe just, you know, I guess I just wanted to, you know, also hear her and not just have to talk about sex and just be thinking about, you know, a little bit more of a human take on what's going on sexually.
You know, and she said some things that were interesting to me is that what she thinks her job is, is selling fantasies.
And I'd never had it put to me like that before.
But that's a lot of what it, that's, it's so, it made it suddenly so obvious to me.
Because I would see things in pornography and then hope to catch them out here in the real life.
But most of that's fantasy.
Most of that's not realistic.
You know?
Nobody's, no chick is bringing by, you know, a pizza and wants to fuck and not even have to get paid for the pizza.
Most chicks aren't hitchhiking and going to fuck you and your car after they get in.
You know, it is fantasy.
And I never even realized that.
To me, I was just so intent when I would cut it on to seeing the bodies and seeing the, you know, the angles and the and the just crotches just attacking each other.
You know, just like a damn, you know, just like the Battle of Bulger.
And I was so used to seeing that that I wasn't focused on what else was going on.
I couldn't see what else was going on.
So it was interesting to hear her take on it.
But that's why we needed to have a reference.
And so we asked her.
Because she still, you know, even though it is tempting to have her around, I didn't go jerk off.
You know, I texted with her and said, thank you.
And that was it.
You know, but I'm sure there's a lot of dudes out there who's listening to the podcast, who checked in.
And next thing you know, you know, they're out there firing, you know, that body sauce out of a whole new internet, you know, staring at that dirty balloon knot and getting a peep at that thing, at that dark wink.
And it's out there.
And maybe I shouldn't have.
And I appreciate you bringing that up, Aubrey.
And maybe I shouldn't have.
Maybe I should have thought more about that.
But I wanted to try and, you know, in hindsight, I was seeing like maybe this just kind of humanizes what's going on here a little bit more.
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There's speculation out there that Donald Trump, President Donald Trump, paid off a hooker that he allegedly slept with at some point in his life.
I don't know if the news stories are true, if they're false, but here's what I don't understand sometimes about the news.
Who fucking doesn't think that this occurred?
Like, sometimes the news keeps saying shit to me that I'm like, no shit.
You think I think he only had sex with one prostitute in his life?
No.
He's Donald fucking Trump.
He's just like all these other, I mean, he's just like, fucking, I know dudes who have $30 and they've had sex with a hooker.
I bet if you looked it up these days, I bet probably, I bet 30% of men in America have had sex with prostitutes.
Now, that doesn't, I'm not justifying what happened, but certainly if I see Donald Trump, yeah.
That's the thing.
It's like people think that this is news.
It's not news to who?
Like who doesn't, who with a real mind in their head looks at Donald Trump and thinks like, ah, he's never had a prostitute or he's never paid a woman for a crazy party?
Like, I just don't understand sometimes.
You know, but I do notice that I look on, you know, if you look on news sites, every politician is now being called a piece of shit.
Doesn't matter.
Doesn't matter what party.
Doesn't matter what affiliation.
All of them.
Because what I start to notice is that Hollywood, Hollywood is more powerful these days than politics.
Hollywood is our political, it's our politics.
You know, the presidents are these people that are running these huge businesses.
You know, those figureheads are obviously have been made by the media to seem more important or better or wiser.
And that's where we are now.
And you can start to see how, because the media, like these news sites, that's Hollywood.
Like what's happening is the news.
What's happening is reality.
But the way that it's presented to us by the media and the media itself is, that's Hollywood.
That's a media.
So, and I'm not like becoming some conspiracy theorist.
I'm not a dude.
I just, I want to check myself before I let something wreck me.
And I just start to notice.
I just started to notice, it's like, man, every story is about how politics, and I've never thought politicians were the catch-me, Alec.
Who believes that anymore?
You know, I don't know if you can find a hero because all these heroes that are always sold to us, they're not real.
They all fail.
Because we're not, we are mortal.
We can't be, we can try to be heroes, but I don't know if we can.
You know, I don't know if we can be to a level that triumphs the value that is out there to pull heroes down.
Because there's value in building them up and there's value in building them down and breaking them down.
I mean, in all these, you know, all these, you know, the media, all these websites and the clicks, that's all, it's a formula now.
Build them up, find something that breaks them down.
Then we got the comeback.
It's like, you know, it's just there's a lot out there.
That's just, it's formulaic now.
But I start to see that, you know, the news just beats every politician now.
Everyone.
And I think it's because that Hollywood, that's the politics these days.
They have more power.
They have more power than these overall.
They're the ones running this show because they are controlling the cameras.
And I'm not saying that that's a bad thing.
I'm not saying that there's bad stuff out there, that everything's bad.
But I'm just saying to me, you have to have some awareness about that.
And I'm happy to be wrong on that too, dude.
I could be a fucking weirdo.
I really easily could.
All right, cool.
I want to get into a couple of calls that came in.
We had a mother that called last week, and she's raising a son.
She's having her second child.
And she wanted advice on what to say to her son or how to behave to her son and make him be a better man.
But right before we get to that, we had this call that came in.
Here we go.
Hey, Theo.
I was diving into the dark arts a little bit.
And we've all been there, brother, and you're not a bad guy for doing that.
I mean, hell, I practically served him up to you last episode by introducing you to a new receptacle for dark arts.
And it's tough out there for all men right now.
I won't even jerk off on land usually.
I'll go out to a pier, and I'll jerk off a pier.
You know, at least that way, maybe I catch international water laws or something.
You know, but who knows?
There's a lady 700 miles away with strong binoculars.
Next thing you know, I'm in court, you know, for pleasure of myself out into the ocean.
But anyway, onward.
On Christmas time, when your exes come back into town, or you come back into town and start hitting each other up, got a question about when does that stop?
Because I'm young, 21. When does that go away that you and your exes stop trying to link up every single holiday?
21, man, I bet you got nice skin on you.
And I'm not saying that trying to be wild with young, but I am saying that just to, you know, because at my age, you like seeing nice skin.
It's on anything it's on, it's nice.
You know, you see some nice skin on a 21-year-old boy, you're like, oh, he got nice skin.
You know, and I recognize it where I recognize it.
But hopefully your question or your thing you're talking about is people coming home from the holidays and hooking up with their exes or, you know, getting in touch and booty call.
And look, man, ride that donkey.
Okay.
Water that pony.
Okay.
Hey, you know, feed hay to that Aardvark.
You know, H up that Vark because you want to keep this animal alive.
Because some of the best times I've ever had was coming back from college, you know, and being at home in the summertime and catching you a little bit of local trim, you know.
Maybe a girl you knew and now she's graduating and suddenly she got, you know, breaths and she's 18 and you're 19 or 20. And next thing you know, y'all out there just, you know, fucking behind an optometry center somewhere off the interstate.
And you're enjoying each other's company.
And man, it was fun.
And next thing you know, you know, somebody's mom might get divorced and you might be that, you might be that man she picks up at the workout fitness center.
Or she's buying a bag of bread and next thing you know, you fucking, you needing them titties, you know?
And that kind of stuff can happen.
And it's during that time in your life when it happens a lot, I notice, when you come back for the summer.
Because, you know, people's friends or things have changed and people are changing.
They're not sure what's going on in the dust is in the air.
And you got to get out there and, you know, you got to ruffle some dust and that's a good time to do it.
That's what I found.
So hopefully it doesn't end for you for a while.
You know, and throw some, that's a good time to throw some lines out in the water because when people haven't seen, you know, high school can really, it puts these, it puts us in these, people put us in these boxes.
People put us in these spaces.
We put each other in these spaces.
We only see each other a certain way.
And then after someone's gone away to college and they've come back and you start to see them a little differently or they'll see you a little differently.
And there's an opportunity for some romance because you haven't seen each other.
You haven't been a part of each other's lives.
So you wonder what they have and they wonder what you have.
Even if it's just a story or a moment or an experience.
There's something, there's natural planks there, you know, where you can walk out on your plank and show them a little bit of your wood and they can walk out on your plank and show them a little bit of their wood, you know?
And you can say, oh, look at this.
This is what I've been doing.
And they're like, oh, this is what I've been doing.
And maybe you just bridge up.
And next thing you know, you're making love to some lady out behind a damn fucking Xerox copy center.
And you're like, I don't have any protection.
And she's like, oh, it doesn't even matter.
You know, I had my ovaries taken out.
You know, I was in an accident.
I had my ovaries taken out.
So, you know, make it do what it do.
And that happened to me one time back there behind a, I guess it was kind of like a strip mall, but also had some, like a little bit of a recycling center.
But that's a great question, man.
And I would say ride it as long as you can.
Get that.
Get that summer hit.
Get, you know, because I'll tell you this, sober sex is for children.
When you fucking, when you're older, man, it's all diluted and there's, you know, you'll be fucking and you can't even get one of your socks off and somebody's wearing a hat.
And there's all kinds of, you know, somebody that don't have cologne or somebody's got a, you know, had a smoking issue and have a trach pipe or hole and you can hear the wind whistling in their trache hole.
But when you're young, you can have that.
And so that, so then, so you need drugs and you need alcohol a little bit of hit to get you through some of that as an adult.
But as a kid, man, y'all fresh, y'all young.
Y'all are rabbits, dude.
You know, you could do backflips and everybody's, you could, you know, you could fucking do whatever you want.
You can cultivate that crop.
You know, as a kid, you can really get out there and touch each other's ass and people can feel it.
So I implore you, if you are young, get out there and do sex.
Make it do what it do.
Because when you get up here in these middle ages, it's a damn fiasco out here.
Somebody got too much cologne on their neck and next thing you know, you get it in your eye or perfumes.
Woman's cologne for woman.
So if you young and sober, you get out there and do some sex, man.
Legal sex.
All right.
Let's take another couple of...
And this was in response to the young lady that called in last week, mother of two.
And she called in and asked for suggestions from some of our listeners as to what do I, what are some things I want to instill in my son?
And I was grateful at that moment because it made me think about that.
And then my brother called in and he and I were able to discuss it a little bit just about some things we would have liked to have had as children emotionally, I think, is where some of this stuff landed for us.
But here are some other calls that came in and I want to get to some of those.
Here we go.
Hey Theo, this is Carl from Auburn, California.
Dirty Carl, you out there, huh?
Dirty Carl out there, Hombert.
And I'm calling about the question regarding what mothers can do to kind of set an example.
The thing that's most important that spans the evolution of the family household through time is, you know, the mother can set an example for that child to show them what a real woman is and how a real woman acts.
That way, when that young man grows to be an adult and he goes and searches for his woman, he has a nice framework of what a real woman's like.
And that's a great point, Carl.
I appreciate that.
That's hot Carl out of there.
And hot Carl is a nickname for, you know, actually feces, I think.
Or it used to be anyway.
And I hope it's not anymore, Carl, because I didn't, and I'm sorry, I shouldn't even have brought that up.
But it used to be when I was younger, and I think that that's gone out of time.
So I probably shouldn't have, you know, rebrought that up.
But I don't think about you that way.
Yeah, so that's one thing you can, you know, so as a mother to then, so as a mother, you can show by example, you know, be an example for, you know, I think just having that connection.
Because then your child at the very least is going to want to have a connection with the woman he seeks.
You know, it's, I'm sure it's got to be scary, you know, especially these days, because I think the parents should feel a responsibility for the value of somebody they put in the world.
Because I have a feeling that there's going to start to be an evolution into like merit-based living.
You know, because one of the big problems we have these days are people that just don't have a lot of, they don't want to be better.
They don't want to be contributing members of society for just whatever reasons.
And I think that there's going to hopefully be some correction in that world where there'll be some merit-based society where who you are as a person somehow becomes quantifiable and that there's value there.
I could easily see that.
I feel like we're on the cusp of a huge evolution, I think, emotionally.
And that's pretty exciting, bro.
You know, we out in them fucking emotional streets.
Thanks for that call, Carl, Onward.
Okay, let's listen to this call right here.
Here we go.
This is Brandon, calling from San Diego.
What's up, Brandon, from San Diego, boy?
That's down there in the dub B, boy, that whale's butthole.
I'm calling about the mom who was concerned about how to raise her son, and this is relevant to me, and I just wanted to put this out there.
Okay, thanks for calling.
More?
Might you cent.
You know, as a mother, I think that's really important for them to be there emotionally for their kids, especially their sons, because sometimes they don't get that from the father's side.
That's true, especially if there's a father not in the household, then, you know, that's a lot of pressure on the mother because she's playing two roles now.
And if your mother doesn't have schizophrenia or she's not, you know, probably a transvestite or something, that can be probably even more tough.
I mean, I'm just saying, and I'm not, that's not a joke.
I'm saying that that could be, it's probably easier for some of those people.
More?
The mother should be empathetic and kind of there for their son in emotional regard because if they're not, you know, there's a time when my mom was kind of disconnected from that for me.
And I think later on in life, I kind of seek that out, you know, in girlfriends and relationships and stuff.
Yep, and I'm going to stop you right there.
And I appreciate your call, Brandon, but I'm going to say that too.
I mean, I was in a relationship when I was young, and I remember it was like, I guess, one of the first times I was really in love.
You know, and that young love is fucking powerful.
Dude, when you're in love and you're young, you could start a truck with your fucking tongue.
I mean, you could power a damn building with your, just, just with a, you know, just with the salt on your breath.
Because you just so, there's nothing, I mean, you are so hopped up on hormones.
You know, you could spit into a cat's mouth and knock it up.
And I remember, yeah, you know, I had issues from growing up with my mother, and then I met this, I met a girl and we fell in love.
And I remember when she broke up with me, I remember, dude, this is, I mean, all my shit gets always freaking oddly emo, but I remember thinking that I'd lost my mother.
You know, and that's when I realized, yeah, I have some, I got some stuff there.
You know, I got some issues there where, you know, I'm looking for connections with women that are supposed to be filled when I was younger.
And I think a lot of these things go back to the fact that, you know, nobody's taking care of children.
Nobody's at home with them.
There's not a family anymore.
And that's one of the things that I don't like sometimes, or one of the things that I question about some goals of feminism.
If it's just, if it, a lot of times it's used as a marketing tool just to get women, you know, to sell them shit, just like everything else.
You know, it's all like, yeah, you get, buy this book.
You know, next thing you know, you have a woman who wanted to have a family.
Next thing you know, she's 42 years old.
She has no kids.
She started a small business somewhere off the interstate, and she's fucking furious and miserable at her life because she was led astray by, you know, by some of the darker sides of some of the feminist evolution.
And I'm not saying that for everything, but I'm saying that that is a reality.
And that's going to be a reality that, for some, and that's going to be a reality that's going to be out there.
Let's hear some more.
Here we go.
What's up, Theo?
My name's Eric Dieberg.
I'm calling from Virginia.
Thank you for calling from Virginia, sir.
Onward.
I'm originally from Louisiana.
Oh, you're from that dirt, huh?
From that boot.
And we appreciate your service here vocally, Onward.
I'm calling about the girl with the question about her son.
Biggest and most important things that you can instill at a child.
I think it makes you better at so many things.
You know, you're a better lover for the ladies.
You're a better fighter when you need to be.
I just think it makes you a better person overall.
It builds character.
I wonder if something made me passionate when I was young.
Man, I'm stumped.
I got nothing for that, man.
But look, I appreciate that thought.
Passion, ladies.
Put that passion in your boy.
And nothing illegal.
You know what I'm saying?
Stay out of that family sexual zone.
Nothing sensual with the family.
You know what I'm saying?
I've always known that.
My number one rule, if you think it's incestual, remember this.
If you rearrange the letters of sister, it spells resist.
And you could take that to the bank.
Here we go.
Dio Vaughn, man.
This is Stefan up in Lexington, Kentucky.
Stefan up in Lexington.
Stefan, let's go.
fellow Southern man, calling in response to the lady that wanted to know about how to raise a young man into a real...
Okay, let's get to that, Stephan, and thank you for the call.
The best thing a mom can do is love unconditionally, But most importantly, be her son's number one confidant in the world and a very good friend.
And the reason I say that is I guarantee you, you meet a man who's close to his mother and you meet a man who treats women well.
Hmm.
It's interesting.
You know, I think this is all new territory for me and seeing how people treat, noticing how people treat their mothers and stuff.
I was so unaware of some of the value of that connection.
I didn't really notice it going on around me.
But that's interesting, yeah.
I mean, there was times when I didn't treat my mother well, that's for sure.
You know, when I was probably embarrassed of her for things or ashamed or, you know, and now I just want her to be happy.
You know, it's crazy.
Like now it's like I almost have to let go of any issues that were there between us, whether she knew about them or not.
And, you know, I think the biggest issue I noticed growing in my own life was that I just, I wanted, my mother never seemed happy.
And I wanted her to be happy.
And I couldn't make her happy.
You know, she, I, I, I could, and I didn't even notice it as a child.
I just knew she wasn't happy.
And so I felt like that was for some reason my fault.
Because a child, everything, in a child's world, everything revolves around them.
So if something's wrong, they think that it's their fault.
It doesn't matter what it is.
You know, they have to have it that way to survive.
The world just revolves around them.
You know, a fucking four-year-old ain't thinking about his buddy.
You know, or thinking about how his mom's day went.
You know?
And you just, you know, I remember as a child just, I remember as an adult now thinking back that all I wanted was my mother to be happy.
And I realize now that since I couldn't make her happy when I was young, it made me feel like something was wrong with me.
And I think that's a good point.
If you can establish that confidence with your kids, and it might be tough, probably, I bet that's tough, ladies, to, you know, be able to break down those barriers and talk about things direct with your child, you know, with a boy.
You know, and I wish you single mothers out there well with that sort of journey because that's got to be tough.
Because, you know, I bet as a mother, you just want them to be, you know, you're instinctually, you want them to be happy and fed and home and safe and warm.
And then it's hard probably to have the time and the ability to go beyond that and discuss and get into things where, you know, that probably almost feel like they're out of your role, especially if there's not another man to be around, if there's not a man to be around to do that.
So I commend you, moms out there doing that.
All right, guys, I think that's actually a pretty good place to pull up the anchor right here.
I've got to go do a set tonight at the comedy store.
Mr. Joe Rogan will be up there and Christina Pazitsky and Brian Callan and a couple of other comedians.
I want to be able to spend time with them.
You can check out the dates on theova.com slash tour.
And yeah, I think it's just, you know, it's, there's a lot of pressure on men right now.
And then I bet that there's a lot of pressure on mothers to make better men.
And then there's this outside inf, you know, and then there's this vibe out there that's saying women should even just be doing things on their own, that they don't even need men.
And I don't know how those all fit together well.
I don't know how you're supposed to learn to treat a woman if your mom isn't even at home or your father isn't even at home.
You know, we've created a vibe where, you know, both parents have to work or an environment, a society.
You know, I don't know how we expect people to know so much when we keep distancing ourselves connection-wise.
You know, whether it be being on the phone or, you know, being away from, you know, being on these iPads or whatever.
And we're all, I mean, how long till we're all in these addictive meetings for phone?
You know?
What happened to you, Larry?
You know, it was that fucking update.
That Microsoft C-Lion or the, you know, the Mac OS X C-Lion update, and I've never been the same.
It's just like we have, it's just like we've created this society where we don't have a family to help us be better or to help us learn or to learn any of these skills anymore, how to treat each other.
You know, I mean, marriages are, you know, it's all becoming extinct.
It's all like this singular you, you, you do it, you do it.
You don't need someone else.
And then we wonder why people are growing up and don't know how to even be around other people or don't know how to treat them or why a guy, you know, treats a woman like an animal.
Or why a woman feels like she got treated like an animal.
Or why a woman stays in an environment when a guy is mistreating her.
You know, or why a woman feels afraid to talk about what happened to her.
You know, it's just, I just think we, I don't know if what we want innately and what we really want in our hearts is what we are is the world that we're creating or the world that we're letting be created by people that control it.
I don't know.
It's wild.
It's wild, dude.
It is wild.
But I appreciate you guys being here with me.
And happy Thursday to you guys.
And I want to thank everyone.
We got to 21,000 subscribers on YouTube.
If we get up to 30,000, man, I'm going to do something special for you guys.
I'll put out a comedy clip you haven't seen or do something special.
So thank you guys so much.
Hit the hotline if you have any questions or thoughts or suggestions, any constructive criticisms as well for me.
I'm always open to them.
You know, that number is 985-664-9503.
And if you have, you know, and I'm not trying to be right in anything we're talking about, I'm just trying to talk about it.
And I appreciate so much the community that we're creating here online.
And you guys be good.
Be good yourselves.
You probably deserve it.
You know that, huh?
we go.
That's Luchador's Longfellow, Josh Porter.
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
Maybe if you have a lady over, just put this on and just look at each other for a little while.
See what the vibe is.
I bet you'll get a vibe you can trust if you got something beautiful like this going on in the background.
You know, I bet you'll get a classy vibe going on, something real.
I bet you'll make a bridge you can trust.
Y'all be good.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
The answer may shock you.
Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
Sometimes I won't.
And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
You have three new voice messages.
A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else.
So great.
Hi, Sweet.
Easy deal.
Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.
John Main.
Hi, I'll take a quarter potter with cheese and a McFlurry.
Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.
Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
Second rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on YouTube, yeah?
