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Got that baby asthma bruh your cousin got that baby asthma there we go bang bang let's do it what is that a xylophone what is that a harp celebrate mis celebrate it boy celebrate misery celebrate that misery boy daddy's down well daddy's
gonna dance get that hit up let's have some fun while we all die wow let's have some fun while we all dy e and i think they're talking about easter eggs you know they're talking about let's all have some fun while we all die these eggs i'm joking man it's not even that's wrong season if you coming in at easter boy if you trying to
put your mouth around a chocolate rabbit boy you being you are being naughty you know dude they used to have this girl in our neighborhood at easter would get them chocolate rabbits and put the whole thing in her mouth and down her throat and everything and it was i'm like i don't she wouldn't even bite into it i'm like i don't think that's that's uh jesus ain't coming back for that you know jesus ain't coming back for that for this dark magic but yeah she was wild dude and she uh never really developed
breasts was just had a big round chest kind of with nipples on the front and that was just sort of who she was a real kegorator of a girl thick neck too real solid almost like a maple or mahogany type of um thick thick skin almost like her full like a full body staph infection that's how her thin her skin was just thick all over you know like she was a little bit of you know kind of skin and something else in there like a light
quick crete you know like a light she was sort of marbled kind of in a way anyhow good to see you guys happy december no happy november 27 it is november 27 can you believe it can you believe it we made it this far november 27 mondays the year 2017 and we are in the 64th shadow realm of the universe uh
make sure to get your uh uh to stock up on turquoise that's a new uh reality show wouldn't it be turquoise hunters damn it dale where'd you put the map i don't know nor rain but this turquoise hall ain't big enough for the both of us could you even imagine that being a damn turquoise hunter just wait dude it's just two like troubled people out in tucson
arizona just milling around a vfw or an american legion asking people for quartz and turquoise turquoise hunters good to be here with you guys man i hope you had a wonderful weekend you know sometimes i think about you know people listening to this show and i wonder well what are they doing you know i bet there's somebody out there have a baby and they taking their baby you know to wherever babies go during the day to be away from their families you know dropping them off
in the morning or maybe they're you know i know we have a red bull truck driver out there we got a male man out there that listens they've called in um we got a man out there who drives a senior citizen wagon you know sometimes they have the senior citizen adventure wagons when senior citizens all because when you get older you live together in a in a special dorm or kind of a sorority fraternity house with other seniors and they have a wagon that'll come and
pick some of y'all up and take you to the mall or to the park or sometimes this dude said he called in one time said sometimes if he gets some of the real incapacitated seniors he'll just drive them around and tell them they went to the mall you know or tell them they went to asia or somewhere you know and make up someplace that sounds pretty fancy and he said a lot of their joy is just in getting out and about and he said sometimes he'll even listen to this podcast while he drives them around so i think about that i think about well who's who's listening you know you got
these i think about a little bus like a small bus of or special wagon or you know a very distinct van which hopefully have windows on it there's nothing real sadder to me than thinking about a bunch of seniors in a van with no windows i mean that's damn that's andy dufran type of stuff you know that's prisoner that's prisoner treatment but i think about them listening to it maybe i know we have a couple of um middle eastern listeners and i think about those guys listening to it out
there you know playing hacky sack or you know collecting you know tall pieces of grass to make things to sell on the side of the road or i know we got a bunch of you know laid up listeners handicapped you know people that's you know on disability and whatnot you know wheelchairs you know you know people that what are those little things those rascals people that ride rascals i've seen a couple of them at my comedy show say that they're fans of the show so i think about them and i just think about the unique people
you know the unique plethora of humanity we got some mixed people some brothers and some we got some ladies out there six percent of our listeners are female so that's not very many would love to have more but i had a nice weekend man and i thought about you guys a little bit i thought about you guys and just who who listens who listens uh to this past weekend and uh just trying to you know come up with a little bit of you know a little landscape couple shorties out there listen you know a couple ladies
i'll get some you know i've gotten some pics on snapchat some breasts and some individual breasts you know which i prefer i never really trust a woman that sends you a picture of both titties at the same time what is that you know if you have two of something show one and if things are going well show both that's what i've always said if you have a pair of something you know if you got two buicks you don't show somebody both Buicks at the same time because what if you uh you
know what if they hate the first one then you're sitting there with another one?
Bullshit, but good to be here, man.
Happy almost December.
Thanksgiving is over.
I hope it went good for you.
I hope it went good for you.
You know, I hope you had that stuff in.
Man, I had three Thanksgiving meals, okay?
Three, you know, I had some white meat, some turkey meat, some long neck, some sweet potatoes with that marshmallow sauce, baby, baby, I put them brown marshmallows on the top.
You know, I had that hit.
You know, I ate one meal outside by candlelight by some cliffs, and this was out in the Hollywood Hills by the cliffs, and they had, you could even hear coyotes in the distance.
I think it was coyotes.
It could have been a bear with a, you know, with a flute, but it sounded like kind of a baritone flute, but it sounded like a coyote.
And what else did we hear?
What else did we eat?
Not much else, man.
Had a friend's birthday.
That was pretty cool.
What else did I do?
Thinking about having a thinking about smoking.
I'm going two days without smoking.
Thinking about smoking, dude.
Swear to God, bro.
I would sack my own dak if I knew there was some knockoutine in it.
I saw Daddy's Home 2. I don't know if you've ever seen this movie.
I didn't even know there was a first one.
Apparently, Daddy's Home.
Again, it was nice to see Mel Gibson in a movie.
I like Mel Gibson.
My favorite movie of all time is The Patriot.
And also, I like Slingblade.
I used to date a girl who had the same jawline as Slingblade as The Man.
And then I also like that movie, League of Their Own.
You know, and some people want to talk smack.
And I like Armageddon.
You know, so I like some pretty bad movies.
But you're also talking to a Goo Goo Dolls listener.
You're also talking to a guy who almost got molested in a bathroom at a Marilyn Manson show.
You're also talking to a guy who used to do steroids on the side of the interstate with a man that looked like Don Flamanco from Mike Tyson's Punch Out and who ended up being a homosexual gentleman.
And I remember being over at his house and he was crying about Princess Diana died.
And I didn't know who Princess Diana was.
I thought it was his dog.
I thought he had a dog named Princess Diana.
And I remember trying to be sad and supportive at the same time, offering to get a shovel, dude.
I don't remember we were high on marijuana.
I do remember that.
But then he, years later, he was doing pills and drove into, I'll give you a second to guess, an embankment.
So I don't know if you guessed that or not.
But that's what was going on.
I saw Daddy's Home 2. It's good.
Enough.
It's entertaining.
It's way more entertaining than Flakes on a Train or whatever that was.
Fucking mystery, Train Mystery with Johnny Depp.
Orient Express, better than that.
The directing was bad, but it's fun to see Mel Gibson.
Will Farrell, always pretty good.
You know, it was what it was.
It's one of those movies where it's like, you know, you know, they're packing it with stars, you know, just to get you into the theater.
You know, it's kind of like one of those films.
It's just like the way it is nowadays where you feel a little bit taken advantage of every time you go to the movies.
That's how I feel.
Every time I go, I'm like, why the fuck am I just coming back here?
It's basically just to see a big screen, I feel like.
I mean, I can't even remember.
Actually, what's the movie, the British movie?
Dunkirk was the last really good movie that I thought I saw.
But what else is going on, man?
Oh, KFC.
Now, KFC, and that stands for Kentucky Fried Chicken.
They got that new fried chicken bath bomb.
Think about that, boy.
Think about getting clean.
Think about getting clean and staying dirty at the same time.
And this thing is finger lick.
You'll be finger licking clean, dude.
It's a KFC bath bomb.
So you put that bath bomb into the water and suddenly your whole bathroom smells like KFC.
You are floating.
You're chicken soup at that point.
So I think that's sexy, boy.
Get you, you know, invite a lady over.
Even if y'all just roll up your pant legs and stand in the tub with one of those going off, somebody's going to pop a bit of an erection or, you know, a strong clitoris, you know?
And that can be truly beautiful.
So they got them KFC bath bombs.
If you always wanted to have that, you know, that luxurious chicken feeling wrapped around your skin, if getting that chicken in your stomach isn't enough, you want to be fucking drowning in it, then you can do that now.
Wait till somebody drowns in this shit.
That's what's going to happen.
Some slubby Muppet out there with nine lips and, you know, zero diplomas, you know, not even a GED, you know, not even, don't even own any, just know, doesn't even own a book.
That's the people I don't, I'm over.
You don't own a book, you're out.
You're out.
You're out.
You know, that's like, oh, you got to at least, every now and then you should have to read you should have to do a book report.
That's one thing they should still have us do as we get older.
Do a book report.
Oh, you haven't read a book in nine years?
Ah.
Well, guess what?
You're not allowed to leave your house anymore because people are over it.
But I saw that daddy's home too.
They got the new KFC bath bomb.
We got a new producer today helping us out.
We're on this producer realm right now.
This producer, this trial and error with the producers.
So I'm grateful to that.
Gentleman named Chris off the internet.
So the internet's powerful, dude.
You can get whatever you want off of there.
Drugs, medium shirts.
You know, you can get that Canadian Viagra, make your legs sweat, son.
But that stuff would give you that hitter, you know.
But these days, can you even have an erection anymore?
When do they shut that down?
You know?
You're not going to have any, no man is going to be able to fly on an airplane.
Dude, is it just me or is every dude on an airplane erect?
Or also on a Greyhound bus.
Sometime even on a tram.
If I got to go from B to F at the Atlanta airport, I may pop that heat.
You know what I'm saying?
I may build my own upstairs between my legs, dude, made out of skin and blood, you know, and weaner parts.
Because you will, it's just there's something about that airplane.
There's something about that, that tram, that jiggle in the machinery or something.
Makes your body start to salute the universe with that bone, with that bone, bone, that boner, bone, bone, you know?
And I'll tell this story.
I've told this story before, but the first time or, you know, that, you know, we were in, the first time I saw another man really bring his boner to the attention of a group, you know, that wasn't a pervert was when we were in the hot tub at this boy's birthday party, Will the Thrill.
And I've told this story before, but I'm going to tell it again, man, because sometimes you got to let it go.
Let it go.
Like, who's that Disney girl?
Julia or something?
I don't know what it is, whatever.
So this boy, and we'll call him TJ Will Carom, because I can't say his real name.
But this boy, TJ Will Carom, he was in a hot tub with us at a birthday because the boy had a birthday party.
And at the party, they had a hot tub.
And a hot tub, basically, in the South, it's basically like making soup out of your family.
And it was in the front yard, and he had that hot tub.
So we're all sitting in there just feeling the joy of that hot tub.
And that thing is just vibrating and got the water and just really, I mean, we are just a little damn crock pot of friends.
And Big Will Carom, this fella, and this boy was about 30 years old in the seventh grade or sixth grade.
I mean, he had a full mustache.
I think he had children.
And this dude was still in school.
And this back when they'd keep you in school forever, and then eventually they just made you a janitor if you never graduated from, you know, whatever grade it was.
We had two kids go from class to janitor while I was in school.
This one black kid named Mr. Larry became a janitor.
And one other boy, I don't remember who he was, though.
He never said anything.
So when he wasn't deaf or, you know, had sound issues, he just, I guess he didn't have anything to say.
You know, he just wasn't real keen on whatever was going on around him.
So anyhow, CJ was under the water in this hot tub pleasuring himself, you know, just petting that old, you know, petting that old nut dolphin.
You know what I'm saying?
That bone, that bone, bone, bone, bone.
Tell me what you're going to do.
So, and then next thing you know, he stands up in the hot tub, and this is when this young fellow starts spraying out.
We'd never seen this.
We were children, you know, and this boy is just straight separating out, you know, just making freaking liquid ghosts with his wiener into the air.
And this one boy, whose house it was, named Will the Thrill, he thought that CJ Will Carrim was basically leaking out of his penis and was going to die like he was going to get smaller and smaller.
Like something was wrong.
Like he had sprung a leak.
So he grabbed onto that dude's boner to stop it from e-jacking.
And that's when CJ punched him in the neck.
And I will never, ever forget the sound of that.
You never forget the sound of somebody getting punched in the neck when they are holding on to another person's erection and nobody is gay in the whole scenario.
So I'll never forget that.
But anyhow, welcome to Monday, November 27th of Your Life.
So I went and saw Daddy's Home 2, and it was mediocre at best.
And do you ever wonder why we continue to get served up the same cookie cutter content?
Or how many times Hollywood can remake a remake, or how many new sequels can be milked out of our favorite franchises?
I do.
Trust me.
We all do.
It's becoming baffling.
You go to the theaters and you don't even expect the movie to be good.
It's the incredible power that the entertainment industry has amassed.
As I'll say, it's strangling creativity.
It's gotten too big for its own britches.
But finally, we consumers can do something about it.
And that something is called LiveTree.
Livetree is changing the entertainment industry by creating a new platform called Adept.
The public, listen to me, will be able to fund what they want to watch, own what they help produce, and decide who's in it and what goes on throughout the processes of content creation, funding, and distribution.
That means we can all become producers.
Just check it out.
Livetree.com.
Imagine being able to help create the amazing content that you want to see and be a part owner of it.
Now, that's a possibility.
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Check it out.
I'm going to.
All right.
I got some good calls that came in this week, man.
Not much has been on my mind, you know.
I've just been dealing with, you know, some dating stuff and not wanting to.
I think a lot this week I've been thinking about a lot of like just not wanting to grow up, man.
You know, just not wanting to grow up.
You know, I just don't want to do it.
I feel like if I do certain things, then I'm giving up my youth.
You know, I'm like admitting that my childhood and that my, and I know my childhood is over.
I get that.
I mean, it must sound bad.
As I listen to myself now, it sounds crazy to think that I'm even still thinking about these things.
But it's just tough to want to grow up, man.
You know, it's tough to want to grow up.
And it's hard.
And I think it's just that we have a world out there now where it feels like you don't have to a little bit.
But it starts to look really weird if you don't.
You know, and I guess it doesn't matter what it looks like to other people and stuff like that.
But, you know, I don't want to end up that old, you know, wrangled old man out there, you know, driving around and laying down in his truck and, you know, just reading romance novels and all of that shit and trying to do photography and stuff at like 60, you know, and just being lonesome and not having any grandkids, having to pretend other people are other people's kids, grandkids are your grandkids.
That's the weirdest shit ever.
You know, yeah, these are my step-grandkids.
Bullshit, dude.
Okay?
Get your own grandkids.
You know, I just don't have to be doing all that.
So it just means I got to, you know, get into a place where I can settle down a little bit better, you know, and get my mind right and get my heart right and just grow up.
You know, sometimes you want to grow up.
And some of it's about taking risks, I'm finding.
You know, it's about taking risks of like getting into like headlong into a relationship and being stable in it.
You know?
I don't know, there's just something sometimes about giving up my solid, about giving up my freedom that just scares me.
But I think I think that like if I give up my ability to be free, then I'm not going to be in control of my life or I'm not going to be the only one in control of my life.
You know, like by giving, you know, wholeheartedly into a relationship and stuff that I will be, you know, that I won't be the only one in charge of my life then.
And that I guess other times in my life when I did that, even times before I even knew I was doing it, you know, probably relationships from growing up as a child, that I guess it just didn't go well.
And so I think there's like this innate part of me that's kind of scared to do that.
But sometimes I guess that's the fear when people say you just have to be brave and just go against the fear.
You know, you just have to just know that something is scary and then still go do it.
You know, and the tough part is just when it's something that you've never done before.
You know?
Or it's like, say, if you touched a fire when you were a baby or a child and it burned you, then you learn not to.
But then as an adult, there's these fires out there that they're okay to touch.
They're not necessarily bad.
But we just still, you know, our skin and our insides and our psyche still remember some of the burns that we incurred even before we knew what it meant to reach out to a flame or before we knew what a burn even was, you know?
Because I think there are things that happen to us when we're so young that we just, you know, that we don't remember, but that our insides do, you know, that our, you know, the parts of us do, you know?
Anyhow, I don't want to get all deep, you know, into that kind of stuff, but that's just some stuff that's been on my mind, man, is just, you know, being okay with growing up, you know, and a lot of that is, you know, settling down.
You know, I've spent my money over the years investing in different, you know, real estate projects and things like that here and there.
And part of me doesn't, you know, it's like, yeah, I could get a house, but it's like, do I want to do that?
You know, because all those things get a dog, you know, you know, have a live-in girlfriend where maybe she leaves her bra or something in the hallway or it falls out of the laundry basket.
And then you got a dang Brazier in the hallway, you know, and those types of things.
I just don't, and you have plants and you get plants and everything together.
I don't know if I'm fucking shopping for damn basil with somebody.
You know, I'm not going to be a co- I'm not going to be, you know, I'm not going half in on a damn Bougainville with a woman.
You know, I just don't know if I'm doing that.
But I think you have to do those things to evolve because I do start to find that I find myself spinning in some of the same circles.
And they're not bad circles.
They're just comfortable circles.
And if I stay comfortable, then I fear that I won't get to see everything that the world has to offer or get to feel it, you know?
And some of those things include having grandchildren when I'm older.
Because first you have to have your own children.
You can't magically just get grandchildren, dude, unless you're a pervert or a kidnapper.
You can't just show up with fucking grandchildren if you never had children.
Nobody's going to believe that shit.
You know?
Some things people will believe.
I got a hip replacement.
Other things people will not believe like, oh, these are my grandkids.
Oh, yeah, Ronnie, you never had kids.
Maybe you are a kidnapper, Ronnie.
Maybe you're a pervert.
So, just thinking about that stuff.
But I want to get into a couple of calls here, man.
We got some good ones, dude.
I got to tell you right now, just so you know, what's coming up.
I had somebody take me to task saying that I'm generalizing black people.
So we're going to get into that.
I had somebody to say they've been pleasuring themselves near a, they share a room with an animal, and they're dealing with some of that.
You know, how do you deal with self-pleasure if you share a room with an animal?
We finally got our animal activist.
We got a man out there, you know, our own little Dr. Doolittle.
And I've been hitting him up.
He hit the hotline, which is 985-664-9503.
This beautiful, sweet gentleman.
I think he sounded a little bit Norwegian, but he could be something else.
He hit the hotline and he had to choke out a swan.
So he called in about choking out a swan.
We got some callers that called in about dating and recovery, being blackout drunk, and a couple of other issues.
And then we got a topic for next week.
We're going to get into all that right now.
First, this gentleman.
This gentleman called in from Portland, and he had some thoughts.
Let's hear them.
Yo, this is Karen from Portland, Oregon, man.
How you doing, brother?
Hey, thank you for calling, brother man.
I appreciate it.
Onward.
Hey, I'm just calling about the whole black issue thing you're talking about, which is, you know, from one man to another, I'm not going to tell you what to do or anything.
I'm just going to give you kind of my concerns about it, the way you're talking about it.
It sounds like you're starting to generalize black people, and I'm not black myself, but...
You sound a little black.
I can see how that could kind of piss off the whole race.
I don't know.
I mean, again, I'm not trying to tell you anything.
I'm not a social justice lawyer.
You know, I'm not trying to say how you should run things or what you should do, but it just sounds generalized a little bit.
And I think he's referring to, I know he's referring to, do black people, do black men get nervous?
Right.
And I appreciate you calling, man, from Portland, you know, the home of black people, where you had to get the Portland Trailblazers or you never would have even had a black person, probably around, probably within 100 miles.
I'm surprised they don't have Black Dar, that it's an app in your area where you even know if there's a black person around.
I'm surprised that they didn't have to bring one up to the zoo at some point so you guys could come and see as an exhibit, you know, to get to know some.
And look, I do appreciate your calling, right?
But I don't think that I'm generalizing.
I think it's a really good question.
Do black people get nervous?
Because I've spent a good deal of my, well, certainly my youth surrounded by black people.
And I think that that's fair for me to, we all have a hypothesis on anything, you know?
And people can talk about other races and other cultures.
There's nothing wrong with it.
I think it's probably, I can imagine it probably does make you nervous if you live in a white-centric area.
You know, that that would make you nervous because you probably have never really lived around some real brothers and sisters, you know?
I bet you, and I think you should try that.
Go spend some time down in New Orleans.
You know, go spend some time down there where, you know, where they have some real black title going on, you know, where things get wild, you know, where there's so much poverty that, you know, that crime is at an unreal high in some black areas.
You know, where you're afraid to even meet a black friend because the odds of him living long probably aren't very good.
I've had two black friends killed in New Orleans in the past decade.
Killed.
As in knock, knock, who's there?
Not them anymore.
So, you know, it's just a funny conversation to think about.
And I think that it's okay, man.
I do appreciate you bringing it up, though.
Could we be generalizing?
Do black people get nervous?
It's not a damn scientific study, but I think it's a unique and rare question.
And we also asked black people to call in and comment because the first batch of callers we got, it was way too many whites, you know?
And we wanted to vibe it out a little bit.
But look, man, I'd love for you to come down to Louisiana, go out to a place where there's a really good mix of diversity and just check it out.
I do appreciate your call, and we'll listen to the rest of it.
Here we go.
And I think if you were to make it funny, I guess that's one way to talk about it.
And again, I'm not telling you what you should do.
I'm just kind of giving you my thoughts about the generalization of a human race.
I think that's kind of what pisses off these blacks.
I think anyone when they become generalized.
That's what pisses off these blacks.
That's hilarious.
I mean, that seems ridiculous to me.
But I'll say this, man.
I think someone who has no real comfort around a culture is somebody that I think thinks everything –
At least hang out with a zebra.
Start there.
Because here was the best thing was, I had people that called in about the topic who were black, bro.
And half black.
That means part black, part something else.
That's crazy.
That's like a Rubik's Cube, dude.
In your soul.
And nobody complained.
I just don't like it when people complain for shit that they're not.
You know?
Like they had this group one time, Water for the Blind.
The blind, what?
There was no blind people out there at the Water for the Blind event.
And I've never seen a dry blind.
I've never seen a dry blind person.
And my cousin's blind, dude.
And you know what he says?
He says it's not that bad in there.
So what do you say to that?
We're all out here gasstimating, you know, while he's sitting in there living in some free meditation in his mind at times.
You know?
It is a little bit of a social justice.
We're generalizing, you know, and I'm sorry a little not fair of me to nitpick at you like that since this is a one-sided conversation because it's not a live call.
But I just think, I think I appreciate your point, man.
Let's hear a call from a black guy.
Whoa.
You may want to check with your parents out there if you can even hear this call guy or pull over.
I don't want you to get nervous having a black guy come through your stereo speakers.
Here we go.
Yeah, how you doing, Theo?
This is Jacob, big fan.
Honestly, I don't think black people get nervous.
Me being a half black man, other half Hispanics, I think we get more anxiety, if anything.
Interesting.
So more anxiety than nerves onward?
Nerves don't have a, play a big role in that.
But the anxiety definitely is there.
Honestly, I think the only time I've ever been nervous is in a crowd full of white people, just to be honest.
But that's probably just more just because of being judged and not nerves, you know.
But as far as that, I don't think I've ever seen another black man get nervous.
Yeah, and that's one of the things that made me even think of this topic in the beginning because I never had, you know?
I'd never seen it.
I'd never seen that I could remember a nervous black guy.
Like, I mean, I think there's some instances, like, actually, I was skydiving one time with a black friend, and he got nervous.
So now that I really start thinking about it, yes, there's one instance.
But on a regular, in instances where I would get nervous, my black friends never seemed to.
I didn't mean to interrupt you.
Let's hear more.
Yeah, but definitely, you know, we have a lot of pride and we've built walls around us and we have thick skin.
There you go.
They got thick skin, man.
That's that thick skin, you know?
Like that girl that I had in my town with that thick skin.
But yeah, I mean, it could be something that, you know, with such...
But it's obviously an interesting topic.
And so I don't think, and here's the thing, if we can't talk about it, if everything's a generalization, if any time that a white guy brings up anything that has to do with a race, it's looked at as a generalization, I think that that's not a good deal.
I think it's just not a safe place to be.
And especially because if we're not comfortable talking about world that's hiding behind things we want to, questions we want to ask, then what are we?
Just feel like a Muppet, man.
And I didn't mean to get loud at you there, Mr. Oregon, but I mean, Portland ain't a real hotbed for brothers and sisters up there, okay?
I don't see you guys, you know, I don't see you guys, won't you guys build a tunnel from there to East St. Louis and help out some of the impoverished over there?
You know, y'all living out there in a real safe zone, clean water.
How about that clean water y'all drinking?
Y'all up there sipping it.
You know, being white as hell.
Anyhow, we got some good topics, man.
And this is a question.
Let's take this next call.
And man, I guess that got under my skin a little bit.
I don't know why.
Now, I guess it got under my skin because I just don't think that's generalizing, man.
Do black people get nervous?
No.
That's something that I want to know.
And that's something that's fun to ask.
And I think that those are fun things that we should be able to ask about each other.
Because how the fuck am I ever going to know?
Huh?
How in the fuck am I ever going to know if I can't open up my mind?
And I wasn't just asking whites, dude.
It wasn't a secret meeting.
It wasn't a cook, cook, cook question.
All right, let's keep it moving, dude.
Here we go.
We got this call came in right here.
Now, this guy, and this fella had something on his mind, and this is interesting.
Here we go.
Hey, what's up, Theo?
My name is Adam.
And got a little question for you.
Maybe get your thoughts on a little something, something in the dark arts.
Now, here's Adam calling.
Thank you for calling this Evening.
See what I did there?
Adam and Evening.
Okay, pretty bad.
Here we go.
Thanks for calling, Adam.
That I've been thinking about and kind of doing.
Okay, now you've been thinking about these dark arts and you've been doing them as well, huh?
So you're a dark artiste already, you know?
You out there, you already, you know, van Gohan deep.
Let's go.
I'm going on my fifth year of marriage, and my wife, at about year two, informed me that watching pornography was akin to cheating.
Okay, so your wife thinks watching pornography is akin to cheating, Onward?
And so she requested that I stop watching that pornography.
And so I did.
But what she did for me was she allowed me to start filming us doing the nasty.
Oh, okay, boy.
So you dang, so you starting up your own deal there, huh?
That freaking, you starting to do a little bit of directing, huh?
Suddenly, you got a couple of new headlamps on the bed, huh?
You got a new light kit in the corner of the bedroom.
Come more?
Us making that sweet love.
And that's got me through.
You know, it got me, it gets me through those, you know, those dry spells you run into when you're married.
But so anyway, the dark arts part of this comes in with me.
I kind of want to try something else, and I'm not sure on how she's going to take it, but.
Hmm.
So you got you and your wife, she wants you off to pornography.
Now you're doing the video collage.
You know, you're making little, you know, memory tapes.
Oh, God, this is getting good.
This is like riding on the bus or on the tram all of a sudden.
I feel like I'm on a plane, if you know what I'm saying.
Okay, more.
I kind of want to film her banging somebody else.
Ooh.
So you want to film your wife catching a little bit of that sweet D Wiener from somebody else?
Hear more.
That may sound weird to some people.
It may sound, you know, them jealous types, you know, they wouldn't get into something like that.
But I've been thinking about it a lot, man.
And, you know, even sometimes when my wife is doing nasty things to me, I kind of, in my head, start thinking like I'm somebody else, like she's doing it to somebody else.
And it kind of flips my switch.
You know what I mean?
Wow.
So even when your wife's doing things to you that's wild and that's naughty, you know, and she gives, you know, she building up, she, you know, she putting something special in your gingerbread, you know, that you imagine that somebody, that she's doing it to somebody else.
That's cool, dude.
It's interesting, man.
You know, really, this is getting really interesting.
Let's hear more.
I feel like I'm wandering into a castle right now and, you know, into a part of a castle I'm not supposed to be at.
You know, like everybody's eating dinner in one room and I was in there and then I wandered off to look for the restroom and I can't find it.
And now I'm just kind of wandering into rare rooms.
Let's hear more.
But anyway, man, I'd like to know your thoughts on that.
You know, if asking her to do that or eventually maybe even getting her to do that, what you think kind of an effect it might have on the old marriage.
Wow.
Wow, wow, wee wah.
Well, look, man, I'd be lying if I tell you I haven't thought about this, that I've thought about that if I were married, you know, am I going to be able to not act out outside of my marriage and be sensual, you know, or try and be sensual with other women at times or get affected by that.
I think, you know, because a lot of men, they worry.
That's a regular worry of men.
I've talked to other men about this who are married.
It's a regular worry of men.
And so then you start to think, your brain will start to think, well, how can I make it work in my marriage?
You know, obviously, if I'm going to step out, then the only thing that would be fair would be to first say to my wife, well, you can step out or, you know, Gary can step in to your cooter or something like that.
So, you know, because you want to make it even.
You want to make it an even deal.
So I've thought about those things.
You know, I've already played that out in my head.
Well, then you think about you being back in the kitchen two days later with your wife, you know, and, you know, y'all having a cup of, she pours a cup of lemonade and she says, you want some.
And usually you would take the lemonade and have a sip out of her cup.
But suddenly I'm like, damn, where's this mouth been?
You know, has it got a little bit of Gary on the edge of this cup?
And those are my thoughts where my brain starts rambling, you know, if I'm to get into those situations.
So that's wild.
You know, I've done some, I've had some directorial debuts in the bedroom back in the day and did a little bit of recording of sex and watching sex, you know, and re-watching it, you know, to get you fired up.
The tapes are never great, you know, but I think the memories sometimes kind of are.
But then you have that tape out there.
So at a certain point, you have to burn that tape or get rid of it because you're worried about it being out there.
But I'm going to propose this question to our listeners.
What do you think?
It's a two-parter, and you can answer this one-part if you want, because I don't really have the best information for you because I'm not married and I haven't been in that situation.
But is pornography cheating?
Do you feel like it is?
I personally feel like pornography is kind of cheating.
You know, in small doses, it's not, but if it's a habit and it's a bad habit, then you are taking away that chi, that lust that is supposed to be, you know, between you and your partner.
You're taking that out of the equation.
And fuck yeah, everything else is going to be shitty if you ain't trying to catch that nut locally with your lady.
So that's one part is porn cheating.
Second part is what do you think about that?
About having another man come into the household and pleasure your lady and do that.
And I know they call it, there's a cucking or something, there's some term for it out there.
But I want to know if there's men out there who are married who have had this conversation or have had this come into their marriage.
They don't need to leave their name if they want when they call.
Or if there's women out there who have experimented with this or their men's have asked them this and what happened there and what occurred.
Because if you hear what I'm saying, they only got so much room in the garage, you know?
And maybe that'll get you fired up.
I mean, I could see that.
You know, one thing that makes a man attracted to his spouse is that they are, other men could be attracted to her.
So maybe that's an element of it.
But that's wild, dude.
You know, hey, look, you should be a tour guide of the dark arts, brother, because you're out there.
You're stepping on a lot of different stones.
You are stepping on a lot of different stones up there at Dark Arts Castle.
But thank you for calling, man.
I appreciate it.
And that's going to be our topic for Thursday, guys.
If you'll hit the hotline 985-664-9503 and let me know.
And let that caller know right there.
Let me see his name again.
Hey, what's up, Theo?
My name is Adam.
And let Adam know what you think about that.
Is pornography cheating?
That's what his wife thinks.
And then if he lets a man in to cater to his wife's buffet, you know, to hit her up in that little sweet wallet, you know, to catch that, you know, that wild canal, and he's going to be videotaping it.
How's that going to play out?
Have you ever done that?
Advice for him.
All right, let's keep it cruising there.
Here we go.
We got another caller right here on the hotline.
Hey, CO, this is Derek calling from New York City.
Hey, Derek, New York City.
The land of coked-up taxi drivers and women who may be men.
Yep, the land of coked-up taxi drivers and women who may be men.
I've been involved with at least one of those.
Had a little argument with my girlfriend last night.
Parents got involved in all of that.
And basically all boiled down to that.
I need therapy.
I need to go to therapy.
So basically what I'm asking is just how do you deal with the fear of telling your therapist about the dark, just what you've experienced that you find difficult to talk about with people that you meet every day?
Okay, and his call kind of cuts out right there.
It was just a connection issue, but I'm going to restate it for you is how do you deal with telling your therapist, you know, the dark things, you know, things that you, you know, you don't just tell people every day.
I think, for one, it takes some getting used to.
You know, I see a therapist once a week and I don't not go.
There are times when I feel like not going to the therapist and I've been instructed that's when you go because your brain will tell you don't go to the therapist, you're fine.
Well, that's the same brain that is not fine.
You know, a sick brain is not going to get you well.
So you have to have some help.
And I'm a proponent of therapy.
You know, I've gone most of this year, I think.
It's getting better.
There's days where nothing happens in there.
And then there's days where, you know, I really get in touch with something in my past or in my life that really hindered me.
And I'm able to, you know, melt it down a little bit, melt down some of that ice, you know, that iceberg.
It's helped me a lot with family relationships and stuff like that and to recognize my part in certain things.
But I appreciate you calling, man.
And I know that this is something, you know, it sounds like this is something that's pretty real to you.
And I'm glad that you're trying to get some help because that's, because you can get better.
You can.
And that's what's one thing that I'd love for you to know is that there were times when I thought, I'm not going to get better.
You know, I'm going to be the same.
You know, I'll never be honest in a relationship.
I'll never be a caring person.
I mean, I used to think about having children.
I could never even imagine it.
Imagine it.
I thought it was crazy that anybody had kids or that anybody got married.
I thought it was crazy.
I didn't go to one of my best friend's weddings growing up because I thought it was absolutely erroneous.
But now, because of therapy, I can actually imagine some of those things.
And that's different.
That's a change, you know, to actually be able to imagine something that before you completely rejected.
I mean, that's an actual change.
I mean, I strongly believe that a leopard can change its spots.
But it does take some work.
And if you get scared to talk about some things, I would tell the person, there are some things that I'm scared to talk to you about.
I would be really, really honest.
If you feel like they're not a good therapist, I would tell them why, but not in a mean way.
You know, I remember telling my therapist, I feel like you don't care about me one time.
And she had to assure me that she did care.
And it took that step for things to get a little bit better between us.
You know, you don't have to always agree with your therapist.
You know, your goal is just to be in there and to try not to run the show.
Those are only things that I can recommend.
And also, try different therapists if you need to.
Go to two or three the first week.
Try them each out.
Insurance usually will help, you know.
And if you get afraid, just remember that other people have done it.
And you're just as capable as those other people.
And no matter what you have inside of you that you're afraid to tell, you're going to be okay.
You know?
You really will.
Because people that love you and care about you are going to people that really do, I'll tell you this, man, I've had to tell some people some things and they still love and care about you.
They really do.
So I think you got this, man.
And yeah, I'm going to go to my therapist tomorrow.
So if you have to go this week or if you had to go, you know, I hope you do.
Just go.
Just go.
Start there.
Go, share, and just try not to, you know, if you get in a tough spot, call somebody, you know, or just tell your therapist how you're feeling.
You know, it's okay to tell them you don't, you can tell them you don't think you're a good therapist.
Sometimes that's the thing we need to explore is how we behave towards other people.
You know?
But you can get better, man, if you need to.
Give it a shot.
I'm proud of you, bro.
Keep your head up.
All right, let's cruise some more.
And thank you for calling.
Hey, this is Gus from Cincinnati.
I was calling because I have a girlfriend.
You see how excited Gus sounded.
Man, dudes are having trouble with this kind of stuff.
Let's hear more, Gus.
Thank you for calling.
I get blackout drunk and tend to be a dick to her.
And I don't really know why.
I don't know.
Just calling to get that off my chest, I guess.
Thanks.
Cool.
Yep.
You get blackout drunk and you're a dick to your girlfriend.
That's probably a lot of America does that.
You know?
Why do they do it?
I mean, the reason why I would do it before is because I was just controlling.
I used to do that in high school.
I think it's in college.
You know, it was a controlling type behavior.
You know?
And, you know, I felt like I wasn't really that person.
That's why I would get drunk and do it.
You know, because the real person I was probably wanted to care about her.
But instead, I'm like, oh, well, let's just get blackout drunk and be mean to her.
You know, because I probably was afraid to be, you know, just real.
You know, I was probably just afraid to sit there and be sober and just tell her either that I cared or that I didn't care.
You know, I was afraid to be real.
You know, it's easy to just get drunk and do whatever, but then it's not even your responsibility.
Oh, I was drunk.
Well, go out with her one night sober.
See how you feel.
Do you even like her?
Do you like being around her?
You know, do you love her?
Fuck, maybe you love her, dude.
That could be scary.
You know?
See how you treat her whenever you're not drinking.
I think that's probably a better barometer of how you really feel about her.
You know, maybe if you're able to share some of the ways you feel about her and it gets some of that, you know, confusion out of you, then maybe you won't even be, you know, getting drunk and being rude to her.
Those are just some thoughts that I have.
You know, I never really liked getting blackout drunk.
And I never even really did it, actually.
I mean, I would get pretty drunk and then I would wet the bed.
And at a certain point, you kind of quit doing that because you just don't want to change your sheets anymore.
But you know what I'm saying?
Gang, gang, boy.
Keep it together, man.
I appreciate you calling.
And if you find yourself getting blackout drunk a lot, because blackout drunk is a real thing, maybe check out an AA meeting.
You know?
I'm not saying AA is for you.
Only you know that.
But I'll tell you this, dude.
If you're still getting blackout drunk a year from now and yelling at your girlfriend, I don't see how that ends well overall.
You might end up on an episode of Dateline NBC.
I'm Lester Holt.
And this is, you know, murder, blackout, and blackout and bludgeoned in Seattle or whatever.
All right, let's take another call.
Thank you for your call.
Theo Vaughn, what's happening, my man?
The Vonimal, baby.
You know what I'm saying?
That's a worse nickname.
The Vonimal.
I have a friend named Ronnie Schipp, and he was in that O.J. Simpson documentary.
And he was the kind of light-skinned black man who was a police officer back in the day who was friends with O.J. And the only person that testified, only friend of O.J.'s that testified against him during his first trial.
And his name is Ron, and we call him the Ronimole.
And I love that name, dude.
Onward.
It is CJ from Dallas, Con.
Hey, CJ, and hey, Dallas.
I love Dallas, man.
I love Dallas, Texas.
Everything's big down there.
Been a big fan for a fucking while now, man.
Anyways, here's my thing.
I'm 22, and I go to university, and I'm seeing this new girl.
I'm out of a two-and-a-half-year relationship, and been seeing this girl for about a week and a half, two weeks.
Things, great connection, man.
This girl, I swear to God, she's out of my league.
Wow, congratulations, man.
Maybe she's not out of your league, man.
Maybe you just didn't recognize what league you were in, you know?
But I'm glad to know that you have somebody that you're interested in.
That feels good.
Let's hear more.
But she's smart.
She's super sexy.
She's a sweetheart, and we vibe, connect really well.
With that being said, Theo, I mentioned this to you when I saw you.
I'm in recovery.
I was an addict.
I was addicted to opiates for two years, namely heroin.
And I'm calling to ask, what is your opinion on sharing that information with someone new that you're seeing?
A part of me doesn't want to mention it, tell her at all, ever.
I also think that maybe after three, four months, however long, I may need to feel like I can trust her, that maybe it'd be beneficial to add her to my already existing support system that is helping me in my recovery.
Wow, man, I appreciate it, man.
I appreciate this call.
Yeah.
You know, it sounds like you got one on the hook, you got a live one.
You know, you got a live one.
And I, I had diarrhea one time during a fishing tournament that Randy Moss put on up there on Lake Minnetonka.
And I had to be in a fishing rodeo, and I had to meet up with a couple of men early one morning at 6 a.m.
And one of them was a professional angler.
And I don't know if you ever held that diarrhea in your body for five hours on a bass boat, but no way that man was a more professional angler than I was by the end of that day.
I mean, dude, we had a couple in the live well at the end of that day, live fish.
I had about, I probably had 2,000 in the live well of my body.
So praise God.
But I'm going to say this to you, man.
Congratulations on your sobriety.
Congratulations on sticking with your recovery and staying steadfast.
That's cool, dude.
Getting off heroin, I can't even imagine that.
I can't even imagine that.
Because one, heroin seems awesome.
And two, I know I just hear that it's a really, really tough thing to kick.
So kudos to you finding love in your life.
That could be something you probably never thought would happen to you before.
But I'll say this to you, man.
I didn't know what to answer here.
So I texted a friend of mine who's in the program who's been in longer than me because that's something that I learned through my own recovery.
And this was his answer, because that's one thing that I learned about in my 12-step program is that if I don't know, then I ask somebody who has more experience Than me.
Because otherwise, I'll just make a choice that's ill-advised.
And this was his quote, man, so I'm just going to read it to you.
If he's planning to just fuck, then don't tell.
Don't tell her.
If you think the person is special, then right away, in my opinion, that's what my friend said.
He said it's only his opinion now because there are no rules to this.
Also, use your intuition.
You can also pray for guidance and let it go.
Your voice sounds like you have some clarity in who you are.
I know that's speculation, but let's be honest, dude.
It sounds pretty clear.
So I think you probably can trust your instincts.
Always let go and leave it in God's hands if you don't know what to do.
You know, that's a serenity prayer.
We know that.
And one more nugget, the foundation of a relationship is built on trust.
Someone tells me up front that they are in recovery and working on being the best version of oneself.
That goes a long way.
If it's kept from me until later, then that could be a little bit fishy.
Be up front and let go because that's a heavy yoke.
Again, that's only an opinion.
But I second, that's my buddy Bill, and I second that opinion, man.
I second it, you know.
Trust her instinct.
Feel it out.
Don't feel the pressure to tell her because sometimes you can start the own avalanche on your side and suddenly you have to.
But feel it out.
See how it's going.
Go on another date or two.
If she isn't pressuring you or anything, you know, sometimes I say I go to a men's group.
That's what I say.
I don't even say AA.
I say I go to a men's group because being around other successful, healthy men is only going to make me a successful and healthy man.
That's what I say sometimes.
But it's a cool spot to be in.
It's a cool spot to be in, dude.
You got a little sobriety on one arm.
You got a little dime piece on the other, boy.
And let me tell you this, even if it doesn't work out with her, dude, I have a feeling you have great things in store for your future.
I really believe that.
Thank you for your call, man.
You know, you get out there and hug that lady.
Hug that swan.
Speaking of hugging a swan, you like that segue?
My boy, Big Bo Dralt, is out there and he called.
This is the animal rights activist.
Or not even an activist, just animal activist.
This dude's out there fucking with animals.
And he work with animals out there, checking animals and feeling animal eggs and stuff in the wilderness and in the wild out there, you know, out there on Mother Nature's backstrap, you know?
He's out there feeling around, you know, up around Mother Nature's clavicle.
And he got an issue with a swan.
Let's hear it out.
Here we go.
Thank you for calling, brother.
Hey, Theo.
This is your Animal Man calling to share that story about having to choke out that swan up in Alaska.
Animal Man.
Thanks for calling, Animal Man.
Let's go more.
It was a survival situation.
Oh, it's a survival situation every time you have to choke out a swan, bruh.
You know what I'm saying?
The only people ever to do it, I think, are you and Billy Madison.
Let's hear more.
Not a hostage situation.
And we were supposed to get a food drop, like in a waterproof bag, a bunch of food.
We were out there three weeks and halfway through, a plane was supposed to fly over and drop a bag of food and the pilot...
Calling from Costa Rica here where there's a rooster here.
Damn, boy, you got a cock in the back, son.
Onward, thank you for this call.
This is interesting.
So you're supposed to get a food drop.
And now a food drop, that's when you have a plane that's dropping off food.
That's simple.
Basically says, is what it says.
Onward.
Doing his thing.
So yeah, the pilot couldn't get down low.
He had to drop the bag from twice as high up.
And the bag hit the river we were on, exploded.
All the food washed down the river.
So we had another week and a half to go.
Dang, man.
I'm sorry for laughing, dude, but sometimes I love it when shit like that happens.
One time, somebody threw a pool ball, you know, like an eight ball from a pool table, but it was an 11 ball.
Somebody threw it down the street, and it hit this dude right in the leg, and you couldn't hear it at all.
But the dude was in so much pain.
And I laughed.
Sometimes shit like that is just funny, but watching people lose a week and a half worth of food into a river, yeah, that's up there.
Onward.
And we had to just kill whatever we could.
So we shot a lot of grouse.
We were making our way down the river.
Everything was going fine, eating a lot of spruce grouse and rough grouse, a few geese.
You hopped up on that grouse, huh?
Which you know in that grouse, Omber.
And then we're running out of bullets, and it was one of the last days, and I came around the bend and saw a group of swans, trumpeter swans, which are either endangered or threatened.
I think it sounds like you got one playing a cello right there with you now.
that's a onward so I shot one in the back How many years of bad luck is that?
More?
The rest of them flew off, and that was the last bullet or shotgun shell we had.
So I ran up to the thing.
I was alone, and once you get up to them, they're a lot bigger than you really expect.
So the thing started hissing at me and beating me with its wings, and I grabbed onto its neck thinking I could just choke it out.
Say goodnight.
But the thing's neck is like a vacuum hose.
It's really, really thick, and it was really beating me up with its wings.
So I just.
Oh, my God, man.
I can't even.
This is so crazy.
So you choking a swan out, and it's beating you up more?
Just had to turn its head around and around and around until it was dead.
And then we ate it.
It wasn't that good, even.
Pretty tough, kind of a muddy taste.
But you ever eat any wild meat?
Any road meat you found on the side of the road?
We ate part of an anaconda we found in Argentina that was still moving a little bit.
That wasn't that good either.
But anyway, liked your Keurig coffee ranch.
That is some bullshit.
That's basically hot bark mulch water.
Keep it up the good work, buddy.
Bye-bye.
Animal Man, thank you for calling in.
He's going to call in other times as well.
That's a real story from Animal Man calling out of that Costa Rica and be well down there, man.
I know you're down there checking out the animals and making sure that Kingdom Animalia is running 100, you know, running that top notch.
You know, because sometimes, you know, Mother Nature needs a little helper.
Just like Santa need helpers sometime to build those little wooden trains and stuff.
Sometime Mother Nature needs a helper to go out there and touch a swan or, you know, to fucking choke a duck out or to pet a deer.
You know, or to, you know, or to, you know, bottle feed a porcupine like you see on Facebook sometimes.
You know, or sometimes people, you know, Mother Nature needs assistance.
And it's good to see you out there, you know, doing some amazing work, man.
So thank you for that, dude.
Damn.
You fucking swat, you shot a swan in the back, yo.
That shit don't end well.
And I've never had swan meat.
I've had some dove.
I've had a little bit of dove.
A couple brothers was grilling up a dove one time.
And that was out there outside of Natchez, Mississippi.
And I copped a little bit of food with them.
I denied them.
They invited me a couple days to eat with them, to break dove.
And finally, I gave in, man, and had to be a little D, you know?
I had to break a little dove with a couple of, honestly, black men.
Sorry to say it.
I don't want to scare anybody up in Oregon.
But these were black guys.
What?
What?
What happened?
I'm sorry, man.
Because I do want this.
This is definitely a place to call in.
Look, man, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.
This is a place where anybody can call in and disagree in this and that.
You know?
But don't tell me what air is like if you only lived in water.
You know?
That's my thing.
You know, and I...
You guys let me know on that, too.
Am I being ridiculous?
Am I generalizing?
Maybe I am generalizing.
Maybe I live in a time that doesn't even exist anymore in my brain where a man can say something without thinking like everything he says is wrong.
We're taking one last call here.
We're going to stick on this animal topic.
We've had a good...
It's been cruising.
985-664-9503 is the hotline.
You can hit it.
And I want you guys to hit it by Wednesday.
We'll be putting together the episode Wednesday evening for Is Porn Cheating?
And would you invite another man to be in the bedroom to see your wife?
And look, sometimes your first thought might be, no, I wouldn't.
Or that's the thought I'm going to put on the call.
But I want you to be real.
You know, I mean, I admitted to you.
I've thought if I get married and if I have to get out, you know, if I want to circumvent the rules of my marriage, how would I do it?
Or I would have to be partisan.
I would have to go be part, you know, allow my wife the same or discuss it with her first, obviously.
But then what?
You know?
And then am I really going to be okay with that?
When some man coming jousting, you know?
Some man throwing wiener in my wife?
So it makes you wonder.
But we're going to stick with this animal.
We're going to stick with this animal thing right here, man.
I think...
Actually, I'm going to...
This is.
Hey, Theo, my name is John.
I'm from Northern California, but I just moved up here to Washington.
Oh, John from Northern California up to Washington.
The middle of nowhere.
And I just moved over into this house, and there's this dog here, and we became quick friends.
And my friend, whose house I moved into, said that, you know, the dog really doesn't usually like people.
Okay, so you got a new dog friend, a new friend that's a dog.
Okay.
This sounds like life's going well for you.
And you got a new friend that's an animal.
And that's better than people these days sometimes onward.
Me and him hit it off pretty quickly, you know.
And we've been hanging out.
We've been best buddies.
We've been doing walks together.
I don't know if that means best buddies.
You know, I mean, I appreciate what you're saying, but I don't know if that's best buddies necessarily, but let's hear more.
But today, I was jerking it, and the dog was in the room, and I kind of wasn't really thinking anything of it.
But after I jerked it, like, the dog was just growling at me, and it's still growling at me every time I try to go and like give him some scratches, give him some love.
Like I do, he fucking growls at me, like he doesn't want to have anything to do with me.
Well, yeah, buddy.
I'm going to stop you there, John.
I appreciate the call.
You know, of course, the dog don't want to spend time with you if you've been masturbating by it.
And I don't blame it.
You know, it probably looked at what happened when you were touching yourself and your body's spraying out, you know, like that boy, TJ Will Carom, in that spa, in that whirlpool.
And it's probably thinking, well, if he touches me, is the same thing going to happen to me?
You know, am I just going to start spitting up in the yard?
So that's probably some of what's going on, brother.
So I wouldn't, you know, I think you need to just relax a little bit.
You know, maybe steer clear of the animal, give him a little bit of space.
You just jerked off next to him.
So I want you to room in his life, man.
But thank you guys for being with me this week, man.
Thank you guys for being all with me.
We've been growing, man.
Things are going good.
I want to thank Sherb for the editing.
Chris, we got a producer stopped in today.
And we got our Patreoners.
And thank you guys so much, everybody.
Happy Belated Thanksgiving.
We're moving into Christmas.
We're still getting some things out of our system.
It's the end of the year.
Hit the hotline 985-664-9503.
Bless everybody that's getting into recovery or going through those things or making any effort to make their life different or better or to try something new.
And bless us all.
Figure it all out as we continue to learn.
I mean, I'm just trying to not kill myself or others while I continue to learn.
That's going to be my goal for this week.
So keep your head up.
Be good to yourselves because you probably deserve it.
And I'll see you guys.
I'll see you guys on Thursday.
We'll get this Thursday episode up.
And shout out to Gray Block Pete's always.
You know, go to Gray Block.
That's on Pico Boulevard, Los Angeles.
Get that hitter.
Y'all be good.
*Music*
Celebrate me.
Celebrate Miss Gabby.
You know that so we're gonna die.
Let's have some fun while we all die.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
The answer may shock you.
Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
Sometimes I won't.
And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
You have three new voice messages.
A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else.
So great.
Hi, Sweet.
Is it deal?
Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.
John.
I'll take a quarter pottle of cheese out of McClurry.
Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.
Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
Second rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on YouTube, yeah?
