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Nov. 6, 2017 - This Past Weekend - Theo Von
01:09:37
11-6-17 | This Past Weekend #50

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Time Text
Count two, boom, boom.
All right.
All right.
Yeah, yeah.
Celebrate living.
Celebrate it.
Celebrate misery.
You know I. Oh All right.
What's up, you little crippled missiles?
How y'all doing, huh?
Huh?
You little one-eyed arthropods, dude.
What is that?
A worm?
I don't even know.
What is an arthropod?
A worm?
I don't know.
I don't know.
That's sometimes where you got to start at, man.
I don't know.
I know very little.
That's going to be my new motto.
Hey, buddy, you know something?
I don't.
You know?
Wish I did.
You know?
Knowledge is power.
Knowledge is pressure as well, man.
Having too much knowledge is pressure.
You know?
Not being open to new ideas, boy, you get stranded.
You know?
You can be between a rock and a hard place and you just might be the rock.
You ever think about that?
Sometimes you find yourself between a rock and a hard place and you're the rock.
So sometimes you got to soften up and open your brain up to other people's ideas.
I'm going to give you an idea right here.
It is Monday, November 6th, 2017.
And we are living on Earth here in this galaxy.
And that's all we know.
That's all I know today, man.
That's all I'm running on.
Thank you guys.
Happy November.
Some people still want to think that, you know, that it's not almost seasonal time.
Well, go to a CVS, okay?
Go to a dang CVS or a Rite Aid, Walgreen, okay?
Go to a dollar gen roll and go to a 99 cent shop and see if you don't, you know what I'm saying, see if you don't see some accoutrements up there.
See if you don't see a special turkey.
You know, one of those, you know, a paper-mâché turkey kit, you know, or some of those little cans of gravy.
See if you don't see extra gravy at the ends of the aisle, stacks of canned gravy.
See if you don't see them starting to push all of that.
That pumpkin pie bubble gum, you know, and that, you know, dried giblet, salad, walnut, raspberry things.
You know what I'm talking about?
Damn raisins.
See if they don't start peddling all of that.
It's because it's winter time.
It's the holidays, man.
If somebody comes at you this week, they won't, I need that.
Bro, it's the holidays, all right?
The only thing I'm doing for the next 16 or 17 days is planning how I'm going to eat my turkey.
Am I going to have it fried?
Am I going to have it frizzled, permed?
You know, how do you like your turkeys?
How do you like your turkey pieces?
You want that dark, that white, that long neck?
Would you like that turkey neck?
I used to have a stepuncle, and he used to suck on the turkey neck.
He'd get that long strand of turkey neck meat, put it in his mouth, and then just slowly pull it out of his mouth and pretend it was a tongue.
He would tell us it was a tongue when we were children.
And it would look a little bit like a tongue.
In fact, maybe it wasn't even turkey neck.
It could have been turkey tongue or some kind of animal tongue.
And he was pretending it was his tongue.
And he was wild, and his daddy was wild.
His daddy was named after one of the, what are those guys?
Three Musketeers.
His daddy was Mr. D'Artagnan.
And his daddy would stay over, and I guess he was my step-grandfather, you know.
And he was old, man.
Mr. D'Artagnan was old.
And he would let us put lotion on his legs at night in a non-sexual way.
And it was pretty fun, you know, and that's back when, you know, it was rare that my brothers and sisters and I got together and did anything.
And then Mr. D'Artagnan would let us put lotion on his legs at night sometimes.
And it was pretty fun, I think, just because, and it wasn't sexual, man.
And I know some people are like, that's gross.
You know, that's, you know, y'all's being naughty with that old man, you know, or he's being naughty with y'all.
It wasn't that.
Okay, I knew people that were out there.
I knew naughty makers, you know.
I knew people out there that were sounding dirty horns in the distance, you know, and people e-jacking back there behind the birch trees and all of that, you know, and, you know, doing dirty stuff down by the big culverts into the storm drains and everything, and into the recycling bin.
They used to have a man that used to spray out into the recyclers in our neighborhood, and they caught him.
Actually, a couple of dogs caught him, and then the police caught him.
But Mr. D'Artagnan wasn't like that.
He just, old man, you know, obsessed with putting lotion on.
Constantly had lotion.
Dude, you couldn't, I mean, you could barely, if you tried to shake his hand, your hand would slip right off of his.
That's how, I mean, that man was greased up.
And I think he probably used other types of lubricants, random lubricants, or anything around the house, you know, coconut oil, thick water, you know, neosporin, anything, petroleum jelly, kerosene, you know.
He just liked to have a little bit of shine to him, a little bit of shimmer.
He didn't like that natural skin.
He didn't like the, I think he would have preferred, honestly, having more of an otter type body if he could have been an otter.
But he was a man, Mr. D'Artagnan, and he, I know sometimes when he stayed by our house, he would let us, kids put lotion onto his legs.
He would put it, well, he would put it on.
He'd let us rub it in.
And you think that's crazy, dude, but until you've rubbed lotion into an old man's knees, it's not bad.
It's fun, kind of, you know, it's almost, you know, you're trying to get all this lotion into their skin.
And it was pretty fun, man.
But welcome to this past weekend, guys.
I appreciate you guys joining me.
Got a lot of cool stuff, I guess, that happened this week.
We had some good callers.
I was actually going to go to Africa.
I was going to go to Africa, and it got canceled.
I was supposed to go perform for a Sheik or a Sheikh.
You know, S-H-I-S-H-E-I-K.
Listen to this.
So the other day, I opened my email.
I get an email three days ago.
It says, they want you in the Seychelles, which is off the coast of Madagascar.
Oh, you thought it was just a cartoon?
No, it's a country, you nut.
You bag of damn dung jalapenos.
Get the fire out of your feces, brother.
Okay?
Stay natural.
It is a country, Madagascar.
And off the island of it, there's a place called the Seychelles.
And it is supposed to be just beautiful.
So I get an email in my inbox.
This is a neat thing about being in this business sometimes, is that I get an email in my inbox and it says, hey, they want you in the Seychelles.
They want you.
A Saudi prince or a sheikh.
A sheikh wants you to come and perform, they said.
And here's how it was going to be.
I would fly there.
It's 24 hours of flying, right?
So I'd fly there.
I could stay for two or three nights at the resort.
You're also at a resort that's right there.
And then you go to this special event that's going on for the sheik.
You perform for the audience, and then you leave.
You perform behind a plastic, like, you know, you ever go to like, you ever be in a neighborhood, a scary neighborhood or any neighborhood, and you go to get a, pay for your gasoline at night, and the man is in there in a little cage, and at first you think he's sick, you know, he has, you know, they quarantine him.
He's got yellow pox or, you know, he's got cat fever or whatever, cat scratch fever or whatever they call it.
You know, they keep him inside of the cage and you got to slide things to him in that drawer, slot him a, you know, a TV dinner or whatever, you know.
But that's what, I mean, anyway, actually, those men are in there for safety, and they're behind a plastic thing.
Well, that's the kind of thing you perform for behind for the chic.
So his audience is all out there.
You're in this, you know, in this, I guess almost a human aquarium.
You do your act and you leave.
You never get to meet anybody at the party, blah, blah, blah, or the event.
That's what I heard.
That's what the offer was to me, right?
They said, we'll pay you this amount of money.
You got to go there.
I said, and I could bring a friend.
But I was like, it was a kind of, it was regular, you know, regular seating.
And I'm not a fancy pants.
I'll sit in regular seating.
I'll sit by the window, you know, if I have my preference.
But I said, look, man, I'm flying 24 hours to get there.
It was three flights, Dubai, Frankfurt.
So I'm thinking, I'll go first class.
So I throw that back.
I said, look, only way I'm going is if I can go first class, you know, and I don't need to take a friend.
I asked two friends, nobody could go.
So next thing you know, they come back and they say, okay, first class.
Boom.
Next thing you know, tomorrow I'm supposed to be heading to Africa.
Africa.
To go over there and perform for the Sheikh and then hang out for two nights or three nights at this resort.
And instead, I get an email last night, literally 11.40 p.m., said the Sheikh, something else came up.
You know, he's going to be shaking on Shakedown Street somewhere else and he can't be there.
So I don't get to go to Africa now.
So anyway, that's one of the trials and tribulations that come sometime in this business.
You think you even go back to the motherland or the fatherland.
You know, I'm not sure which one it is.
I know the motherland is Africa.
The fatherland, I'm guessing, is what?
Italy?
You know, Greece, probably.
I don't know if you've ever had a Greece, a Grecian around you, you know?
But they can be kind of fatherly sometimes, you know.
So anyhow, man, that was a little bit of a letdown for my week.
What else is going on, dude?
I don't know.
I've been dealing with some relationship type stuff, you know.
You know, I kind of like this girl, and I just, you know, I just got so much fear when it comes to that kind of stuff.
It's so hard for me to like move forward in relationships and, you know, commit to those sort of environments.
I mean, it's just, oh, it's almost like impossible.
It's almost impossible for me to even make that connection and like believe that it's, I don't know if this is going to make sense, but in my, but in my, in my, in my brain, like believe that it's going to work out, I guess.
I don't know.
I don't know, man.
It's just really hard for me to commit, you know, and I don't even think it's not that I don't want to.
I think it's just that it's like I get to these walls where I can't.
It's like I don't even know how to, you know, just even just, you know, the idea of having a girlfriend just makes me just panicked.
You know, it's just like, you know, and some of it could come from, you know, growing up and just having a tough, you know, not a strong connection with my mother.
That connection drove me bananas or whatever.
You know, I don't know.
You know, I'm figuring some of that out now.
But, but yeah, just, you know, and I had an instance, I was talking with this girl and, you know, she could, she wasn't feeling that good about herself.
And I know all she wanted me to do was say, oh, you know, you're pretty.
You know, she was feeling bad about her looks, you know.
And I couldn't say it, man.
Like, I couldn't, I know that's what she wanted.
All she wanted was just me.
She wasn't fishing for a compliment, you know, but I know I could just tell that it would have made her feel good if I'd have said, you know, oh, you know, look, I think, you know, I think you're very pretty.
You know, and it was easy.
I knew that's what my job was as a human at that moment.
But I just couldn't.
It was like I was so scared that if I let this person, if I'm, if I helped make this person feel good, That they would they would know that then I would be responsible for making them feel good again and it's like maybe I didn't have enough I wasn't relying like I couldn't I didn't know if I could do that you know it's almost like I didn't trust myself enough to to make myself the
type of person who would make them feel good You know again I don't know if that makes sense or not.
I'm trying to trying to get through some of my thoughts here with you guys right now at this moment.
I guess that's maybe wild.
I don't know.
But yeah, I just couldn't do it.
I was just like, well, if I let her know that I care right now by saying this, then I'm going to actually have to care, you know, and I'm going to actually start committing myself to caring.
And that that's going to be really scary for me because for most of my life, I've probably just been used to caring for myself.
And not even in like an egomaniac type way, just in like a survival type of way, I think, you know, like I was just so probably afraid that nobody else was caring about me that I had to care so much about me, you know, and letting some of that go and actually caring about someone else.
It's just a slippery slope.
Just a slippery slope.
So I don't know.
That's some of the personal stuff I guess has been going on.
Oh, I need to make this announcement.
I need, if you live in Los Angeles or I have a friend that does and you are interested in possibly working as a producer for this past weekend, drop me an email or hit me up on the hotline, 985-664-9503 or drop me an email, theovaughn at mac.com.
I need some help.
So things are happening here and we're building up steam and I need some help.
So that's one thing that I kind of like a thought that's been resonating in my mind this week was the two things that I need to do are I need to work hard and I need to ask for help when I need it.
And those are two things that have often been hard for me to do.
You know, I've always been a worker, but to work hard sometimes, I can get sidetracked.
And to ask for help, I've always had a tough time with that.
But not today, not tonight.
You know, not today, whatever day it is, whenever you watch this.
It's Sunday evening for me, November 5th, and it's Monday, November 6th for this episode of this past weekend.
So that's what's going on, guys.
You know, we got some great callers.
I'm going to hit those in a second.
I also want to let you know that you can check out the patreon.com slash Theo Vaughn for extended footage from this week.
I also just put up a video on there.
I got some new headshots and pictures taken.
Because here in Hollywood, you got to have new pictures of yourself.
You got to have pictures of your face and of your, you know, your eyes and your nose and your mouth and your hair.
And you have to have pictures of you.
And I've been using this picture that looks like I work at a, like at a chase bank, you know, like a young buck that works at a chase bank, you know, like in Hunt, like in Birmingham, Alabama, and is like kind of like a young manager and might be, you know, could possibly be bisexual.
Those are some of the headshots that I've been using.
And they aren't serving me anymore because I do not look like that right now.
So the roles that I've been getting to go audition on are for young, possibly closeted bankers.
I'm just joking.
But also I've been going on roles for, you know, generals in the army or things where then I get there and they're like, dude, you aren't going to be the general.
You're going to be the guy peeling potatoes, you know?
So I've been having a, you know, I've got some new headshots.
So those are the types of things I'll be putting up on the Patreon.
And plus extended footage from today's episode.
I'll have new extended footage every other week.
But you can check that out, patreon.com slash Theo Vaughn.
And I want to thank you to all the Patreon supporters.
They've helped us to get this new camera.
We've got some new lighting coming in.
And they're going to help us to get to this producer that we have as well, this new producer.
And we got our charter sponsor, and that is Gray Block Pizza.
If you're in Los Angeles, hit up that Gray Block, dude.
They got it.
I had some this week, man.
If I were to pick my teeth right now, taste, boy.
Taste.
Taste, taste, taste.
That's Gray Block Pizza, and we're happy to have them on board.
Let me tell you this, man.
I watched that Bispang, Michael Bispang versus George St. Pierre fight.
And I remember the first fight I ever saw, you know.
This Irish fellow named Milford King threw a senior citizen into a ditch fire when I was young.
And that man came back at him, a senior citizen, Mr. Polito.
He got lit up on fire, and that man stormed back at him.
He thought he was dead.
He thought he was going to die, but that man came out that ditch with flames piggybacking on his skin and on his flannels and on his suspenders.
He had suspenders.
You know, and the last thing you want to have on when your clothes are on fire is suspenders because that just means that it's harder to get all your clothes off.
And I watched this old man just burn and just whirl, just coming right at him, just like a small senior citizen Italian flaming cyclone coming right at big Milford King with that, that man had nine-inch chest hair.
Dude, that guy could cornrow his chest hair, man.
And sometimes he would let some of the black girls cornrow his chest hair.
And you'd think that's a lie, and that's not even a lie.
But that's one of the first fights I saw.
But I got to watch some of these fights, man.
I went and watched two fights the other night.
And that bicep thing St. Pierre was wild, dude.
St. Pierre, I mean, that man, first of all, he might be French.
He might be Canadian, you know?
You don't even know, dude.
I mean, he's so proper.
He kind of looked like Lance Armstrong if Lance Armstrong got a hold of some actually good drugs, you know, not that shit that was just making him bicycle, you know, because anybody could damn bicycle, dude.
I got a seven-year-old niece, you know, that's out there competing locally in cycling, you know, but to get out there and be UFCing, you know, excuse me, you got to really be into it, you know, and you got to have that high-class stuff going on inside of your body.
But St. Pierre, man, he really got out there.
And the way he finished off the fight at the end and was such a, was so like just kindred about it afterwards.
You know, he's respectful of the sport, respectful of the audience.
And so was Bispang, man.
He said the same stuff.
He said, you know, that man's got a hell of a squeeze on him.
He squeezed me out.
And Bispang is wild, dude.
He got blacked out.
He didn't even tap out because you could tap your arm on the carpet.
If you don't want to fight anymore, you can tap your arm on the carpet.
You know?
It's probably like at an old folks' home, if you've had too many pills, if they pilling you up, you just give that beat down and they, you know, they stop the presses on that morphine dripper on them oxies.
You know, they keep pop, pop off them oxies.
But, man, he just said, nah, I'm just going to go on all the way.
I'm going to keep fighting until I'm unconscious.
Man, that was incredible to see, dude.
Because I will tap out before the fight starts.
You know what I'm saying, dude?
I will tap out.
If we're supposed to fight tomorrow, dude, I'll tap out tonight before dessert.
You know what I'm saying?
I'll order two scoops of ice cream and fucking tap out right here at the dinner table.
So that was impressive, man, just to see men go to those depths, you know, to see men go that deep and get into their brains that much.
And thank you guys for joining me this time on this past weekend.
I'm going to hit a call right here.
We had some callers that hit the hotline.
The hotline is 985-664-9503.
We had some callers that hit the hotline, and we were talking about what's real, what feels real to people.
And then we had a couple other calls that came in.
I want to get to some of them.
But I appreciate you guys.
I appreciate you guys being here with me.
And let's get into this call right here.
Here we go.
What's up, Theo?
It's Devin calling again from Tampa.
What's up, Devin?
Thank you for calling from Tampa, dude.
Tampa, if you get down there to Ybor City, I remember I was down there and they had a lot of men.
It was being gentrified.
The downtown there, Yebor City or Yibor, YBOR, Yebor, Ybor, was being gentrified and also gentrified by predominantly gay gentrimen.
So it was wild because you had this neighborhood that was kind of thuggish, but also there was a lot of, you know, homosexual men running around.
You know, and no offense, if you're a homosexual man, I might be homosexual when I get older, you know.
So I'm not, don't take that out of my cards until you know, until I've played them all.
You know what I'm saying?
Don't take that out of my deck and don't judge me until I've played them all.
But there was a lot.
So you had this wild mix down there of thugs and men that was trying to catch that D, you know, or catch that, you know, not all of them trying to catch that, but at least trying to catch a hug or look you in the eyes for a long time, then that's natural during a conversation.
And I got out there and I kept having these dreams when I was living there, while I was staying there for a week that I was getting jacked, you know, because they had a lot of thugs and gangbangers.
And that I was getting jacked by gay gangbangers, you know.
I kept having this dream that a dude would run up behind me and be like, give me all your money and let me suck on your dick for a second, you know?
And I kept having that dream.
And then the guy made me actually, he took my wallet.
He made me jerk off into my own wallet and took my wallet.
So that's how that dream ended up.
But anyhow, that's some of the stuff that I went through whenever I was being down there by Tampa.
But let's go on, Devin.
Thank you for calling.
I left you a voicemail earlier, but I was all over the fucking place.
So I'm calling you again and fucking taking a mulligan on that last one.
And that's fine.
I know sometimes if people hit the hotline, it can be a little nerve-wracking just leaving a voicemail, not knowing if it's going into the ether or what.
So I appreciate that.
Omer?
But I wanted to call, you know, maybe talk about what's real, as you said last episode.
You know, I was in Tallahassee last weekend with my friends, and it got me thinking of, you know, what's real and just what's important to me.
Because, you know, we were just sitting on the couch doing whatever and, you know, just talking shit.
Now, doing whatever sometimes can be drugs or it can be, you know, rare.
You know, I guess if you could just be doing nothing also, nothing or drugs.
Let's hear more.
I think that that's what's real and that's probably the only thing that's real right now.
You know, you just have so many opinions on complete opposite sides of each other and, you know, both sides, you know, politically or just whatever just seem to be so ridiculous these days.
I can't even find myself having opinions anymore.
Oh, that's interesting.
Yeah, it's like, is it even worth having an opinion anymore?
It's almost kind of nice.
It's almost like nobody wants to really hear anybody's opinion that much anymore.
Especially if your opinion has to be right.
If you have to be right.
Oh, you know it all, do you guy?
Wow.
Well, I'll be darn.
You know?
Yeah, it's tough.
It is.
It's almost exhausting even to have opinions.
That's interesting, man.
Appreciate you sharing that thought.
Let's hear the end of this call.
You know, so what me and my friends, I think, we tend to do and, you know, value humor so much just because, you know, we just really sit back and observe and just really make fun of it all.
And that's a good thing to do, man.
You know, there's a lot of good making fun of it all.
Now, the problem I noticed out here in Los Angeles is a lot of the making fun of it all is, it's only, it's so one-sided.
I mean, you know, you can't really be universal these days in even in, I feel like, in humor.
Well, in humor, you can try, but it's tough, man.
You know, it's very, it's very hard for people these days to see other people's perspectives or to really want to try to.
You know, and that's really tough for a lot of people.
But yeah, is it worth even having opinions?
Maybe it's not.
Maybe it's a time When we can take a break from having some strong opinions, you know, and just get into what makes us feel good.
But yeah, spending time with your friends, that is pretty real, man.
You know, a buddy of mine, he's a musician.
You know, he does music and he can do the piano and he can do, I think, different types of instruments.
I have to ask him.
But he invited me over to watch the fights.
And at first I was like, you know, I don't know if I'm going to go.
And it didn't have anything to do with my friend.
It just had to do with me.
What do I want to do?
What do I want to get out?
Am I, you know, I'm comfortable.
I just, and then I said, you know what?
I'm just going to go.
I'm just going to go.
And the second I get somewhere, I have a good time, you know, usually, unless it's an uncomfortable environment, you know, you know, like a freelance gun range or a damn, you know, a birthday party for a one-year-old.
That shit is ridiculous, dude.
If I'm one and you see somebody throw me a birthday party, dude, bro, you could throw darts at everybody at that thing.
Strong darts, pointy ones, big ones.
Ones you have to throw with two hands.
Because I don't want somebody throwing me a damn birthday party when I'm one.
Weird story, though, I did go to a birthday party for a one-year-old before I had this point of view at Perry Farrell's house, who was a lead singer of Jane's Addiction.
And that was interesting.
But thank you for that call, man.
Thank you for that call.
I don't even know what my train of thought was right there.
What were we thinking about?
Let's hear a little bit more.
Here we go.
Hey, Theo, what's going on, man?
This is Pete from Pennsylvania.
Pennsylvania, Pete.
What's up, brother?
How you feeling?
You feeling good?
Thank you for calling.
Let's hear some more.
Love the podcast, dude.
It's awesome.
Very real.
You know, you seem like a super cool guy.
And I was just wondering about the internet in general and internet addiction because I feel like my default state is to go home and I just get on the computer.
I get on the internet and I'm so sick of it.
It's just like a default.
You know, I'm not improving.
I've got so many things that I want to do.
And, you know, I want to go out, talk to people, you know, go learn the guitar, go train.
Yeah, you know, it's funny, man.
I found myself recently doing that just with my phone.
I noticed two things.
One, I'll go to my phone.
And then two, I will, you know, there's a couple of specific things that I'll get on, you know, Instagrams or Twitters, you know, or texting.
And the most frustrating part is the new iPhone update or whatever.
Dude, that makes everything takes an extra five seconds because it's slow.
You know, it's slow.
It's not working accurate.
You know, it's like my phone got damn, you know, mental disorder.
You know, it's almost like asking a dumb friend for something every time you want to use it.
You know, it's like it's got to check its pockets every time I ask him, you know, to borrow, every time I ask his phone to borrow a dollar, it's got to check its pockets.
Or you should just hit me with that buck.
But yeah, I feel you, man.
It is.
It's a crazy addiction.
Let's hear a few more of your thoughts on this.
But it's hard to find the time to do anything if all you do, you get home from work and you just go on the computer.
So I'm thinking of totally getting rid of it.
But yeah, let me know.
Maybe I'll throw it out the window or something.
Well, look, man, that's a real thing, man.
If you throw it out the window, even the feeling I get when I don't have my phone, when I'm not sure where it is, it's unbelievable.
And it's crazy to think that other things are illegal, but a phone is not deemed like an addictive, like you can't have cocaine because it's addictive, because it's bad for you.
But a phone, we can have it.
You know?
There's so much business tied to it.
There's no way they would ever keep it away, you know?
And we would probably be uproarious.
A lot of us would be at first.
But I bet, man, two weeks after being, you know, separated from those things, we would go back to, I mean, that's the thing.
Young people, these kids, they don't have any idea what it was like to just be a person.
You know, to use your imagination every time you wanted to think of something or to see something.
Like, that's the number one thing I feel like we're going to be, that we're killing off is our imagination.
Like, how is imagination supposed to survive, you know, through time, like genetically in the face of technology?
I don't see how it can.
I mean, I was talking to my niece, you know, and she's seven or eight.
Hell, she might be nine, dude.
You know, I'm kind of a mid-range uncle.
And I wonder, I was asking her about, I said, use your imagination.
She's like, what do you, what is that?
She's like, is that on the phone?
And it just blew my mind.
She thought it was an app.
She thought it was an app.
You know, and that's, it's just like, then what?
When imagination is dead, man, we're locked.
We're locked.
You know, we're locked into advancement that's based only in, it would seem like in hardware then, you know, only in what is tangible, you know, very tangible.
Like, you know, I don't want to say just in technology, but I don't know, imagination used to be the thing that, I mean, that was the thing that kept me alive the most, was that I could escape my reality by having an imagination.
And I just worry that if kids don't have that in the future, then what does that, if that doesn't evolve with us as humans, then what does it look like?
You know, what does it look like when there's no imagination?
When the only thing you're able to see is only what's in front of you?
You know?
And that when you go look inside your brain to create something for yourself, you're unable to.
You know?
That's bizarre.
That's bizarre.
You know, and yeah, it's like, how, like, at what level of a phone is it still helpful to us?
You know, I don't find it that helpful, you know.
But then, with that said, I'll be blasting out a link to this, you know, I'll be posting something from this on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook, you know, so it's like certainly of use, but is it, is it as addictive as a drug?
Everyone's addicted to the phone.
Addicted.
But then, were there other things people were addicted to when they first came out?
Shoes, you know, spitting on somebody.
Dude, I bet a long time ago, people were like, no, I would never spit on somebody.
And then somebody spit on somebody and somebody's like, oh, fuck yeah, I'm spitting on somebody.
You know?
Or the first person that showed up with shoes, I'm sure everybody's like, what the fuck?
You know?
Constance is afraid to have her feet on the earth.
What a nut case.
You know?
She likes to, you know, she likes to be upstairs, but only like a half inch upstairs.
You know?
And Constance has on shoes.
But then now, Constance was a damn Constance Kistador.
She was a pioneer because everybody have shoes on.
We're the first person to grow their eyebrows out.
Because if you look at a lot of pictures and stuff on cave drawings and all that hieroglyphics, a lot of people, they don't have eyebrows.
They don't put eyebrows on people.
So I know there's not a lot of science out there to back it up, but I don't think eyebrows were always the most popular, you know, facial follicle haberdashery going on.
You know?
I mean, they're really just mustaches for your eyes.
That's all they are.
And I think there was probably somebody came along, you know, that first day, a guy who'd been living out on his own for a little bit, you know, maybe ate some plants that made him feel kind of, you know, erotic.
And he got wild.
And he came in with that good good, you know?
And that's how I think that, you know, having eyebrows really took over with some dude, you know, got shroomed out, you know, for probably like a month.
I mean, shroomed out.
You know what I'm saying, man?
Where he was just had the rings of Saturn around his neck every time he opened his eyes.
You know what I'm saying?
I'm talking about where, you know, he might have seen the Mars rover land on his cheek because that dude was living in outer space.
You know what I'm saying?
He might have woke up with a Lance Arm strong taste in his mouth because that dude had that galactic breath.
You know what I'm saying?
Shroomed out.
And then he said, you know, I'm going to grow my eyebrows out.
And I'm going to live a little.
I'm going to have mustaches above my eyes.
Because I'll be damn if each one of my optical circles ain't going to be fucking a Burt Reynolds.
So you know that.
But I agree, it's addictive.
Let's hear more.
Let's hear another call here.
Co, it's Bo.
I'm high again.
Damn it.
But you.
Okay, we got Bo.
He's high again.
Didn't know you were high the first time.
Thank you for calling, Bo.
You asked what was real.
And I took a few days and I thought about it.
And I think it's family and friendship.
And it doesn't necessarily have to be the people you were raised by or the people that are around you right now.
But it's people that you can just fuck up so bad and they still love you.
Okay.
So that's what's real is people, you know, family and friendship.
And we had the same thing that Devin called in about.
And also that people you can fuck up and they'll just forgive you no matter what.
And I'm guessing those are the people that are closest to you.
So that's kind of a way to reframe them.
Yeah.
I mean, that is pretty real, you know.
I guess I see, you know, mothers that when their sons get convicted of murder, now they got snapped because women are doing most of the murdering.
Or when their daughters get, you know, convicted of, you know, conspiring to, you know, derail an election or whatever, you know, or their sons do, that you, you know, that the mother is forgiving, you know, that the mother is forgiving.
And I've always wondered why, how that's capable.
And I think because it's just probably that familial something, something that's beyond calculable.
Yeah, that's, that can't really be quantified.
And that's that connection between strong friends or strong family.
Let's hear more.
At times whenever you don't even love yourself, I think that is the only thing that's real.
Maybe not the only thing.
That's probably, you know, that's, I don't know, everything.
But to me, I don't know.
I'm kind of losing track of where I'm going right now because I just smoked a dab and I'm pretty high.
Okay.
Well, I mean, there you go.
You know, there you go.
Look, I appreciate the honesty.
You were high when you called a different time and you were high when you called this time, man.
But I respect that.
Dude, that's brave to be high and call in.
That's brave, man.
That's cool.
I respect that, dude, for you to have that, you know, because when I would get high, I'd be afraid to do anything, man.
I'd be afraid to do anything except try to touch a little bit of crotch, you know, around a local crotch, you know, or maybe, and even that, sometimes I'd be scared, you know?
You ever have a girl come over and you real high and they start looking like a gremlin or something?
And you start being afraid they're going to suck all the blood out of your body?
Yeah, shit like.
This past weekend.
All right, we're back.
Sorry about that.
We just had an audio issue there for a second.
But yeah, I appreciate that call.
It reminds me, man, I saw Buzz Aldrin this week.
I saw Buzz Aldrin.
If you're not familiar with Buzz Aldrin, he is a human man who was on the moon.
Think about the moon.
Go outside.
Look at the moon.
Guess who's been up there?
Buzz Aldrin.
I met Buzz Aldrin, dude.
I shook his hand, dude.
I shook his damn moon paw.
That's what I call it.
And it was beautiful, dude.
And it was truly beautiful.
And Buzz Aldrin, you know, you almost get a buzz off of Buzz Aldrin, you know?
Because some people, you get high off them.
You get around them, you get that hit.
You know, you just, you get that hit off of their vibe.
And next thing you know, what I'm saying, you're a living Thanksgiving, you know.
You got that energy going through you, you know.
You got them turkeys clucking down in your ducats.
You know what I'm saying?
And that's what happened with Buzz Aldrin.
He gives you that vibe.
And so then as soon as I got home, I went and read up all about the moon, you know?
And the moon is basically just this little, I mean, that's just Earth's little side piece, you know.
And this is a unique fact about when Buzz and Neil landed on the moon.
They placed the American flag, right?
They put it in the ground, very a stoic moment, you know, very exciting.
America first, we got here.
And then they got back in the shuttle and they pressed whatever buttons, close everything up, shut down shop, close the moon roof at that point, and took off back to Earth.
But whenever they pressed the thrusters or whatever, the propulsion from the jets to get them back off of the moon surface knocked down the flag.
So literally, as they're flying, they're looking out the window and the fucking flag fell down.
And they're like, whoa, fuck.
And that's it.
And they couldn't go back.
There's no way to turn around.
So if you want to know sometime what it's like to just live in that, you know, like, you know, sometimes everything's not perfect.
Not even for Buzz Aldrin or Neil Armstrong.
Sometimes you go to the moon and you have a plan of how it's going to be and it's not.
And I'll be honest, that's how I felt starting the podcast today, dude.
I didn't have a fucking plan.
But sometimes you don't have a plan.
You got to go anyway.
You know?
So that's what we're doing.
But I met Buzz Aldrin, dude.
And I remember meeting him.
And will he remember meeting me?
I doubt that.
Let's hear another call.
What's up, man?
I called him last week, but there's this thing going on.
We have a family friend in our community, an Indian community.
And this dude has a, he's a millionaire.
He owns a bunch of businesses.
Okay, you have a family friend.
It's an Indian community, Native American Indian, it sounds like, and he owns a bunch of businesses.
So you have a successful Native American man who lives in your community.
Let's take it forward.
And he's really good.
And he's really good.
Financially.
He has a family, kid, wife.
And now, for some reason, last year, he decided to hook up with one of my friend's sister.
Ooh, that's a wild move because you sound like a young buck.
And so now you got a financially secure Native American gentleman dating your friend's sister.
Let's hear more.
And he did that, and he started smoking crack.
Okay.
Double up.
And a bunch of random stuff happened to him.
And now he just got out of jail from staying there for one year.
And he left jail.
And now we live in Louisville, and Norton Commons is kind of a rich neighborhood.
So he had 26 guns in a Norton Common house, which is a millionaire's house.
And they found crack pipes with some kind of drug residue.
I'm guessing that drug residue is crack, brother.
Onward.
I know this sounds really stupid, but what kind of person really does that to themselves to have everything going for them?
It kind of reminds me of the Harvey Weinstein issue, but I don't know how those will be related.
I mean, I'll tell you what kind of, I mean, this is going to be an educated guess for me.
What kind of person does that?
An addict.
You know, this man is probably an addict.
You know, and you have to look at, this man is probably ill, you know, the man, obviously, if there's drugs there, he's buying guns, there's probably a lot of paranoia.
It sounds like comes with a lot of that crack use.
I've heard.
I don't know.
So that's me, you know, guess to Maiton.
But if you own that crack, dude, they don't call it, you know, they don't call it repair.
You know, they call it crack.
You know what I'm saying?
It's not putting, it's not increasing the foundation.
They don't call it caulk.
You ain't out there smoking caulk.
You out there smoking crack.
Because crack will whack you out.
Crack will put some chinks in your armor.
You know?
Crack will break it down, literally.
You know, you go, I mean, crack will turn you into a San Andreas fault person.
That's what crack does, man.
And so that's the answer to your question.
These other things he's doing sound like side, dark side effects of crack, of drug use.
You know, he's chasing younger women.
I mean, you know, the chasing younger women thing, that can happen.
You know, there's something in a man where you can't always kill that off.
You can't, even when you get married and fall in love, you sometimes can't escape that.
You know, that desire, you know, to want to be sexual or do sex with something younger, something, you know, that's more closer to, you know, the younger side of life than the adult side.
And I don't mean that in any sort of pedophilia type of way, but, you know, you might be attracted to a younger lady, a woman, you know.
So, but yeah, that's an addict.
That's your question.
Who would do that?
You know, and I don't know if you're calling this to kind of tattle on this dude or what, and it's okay.
I mean, I guess you just, you know, and a lot, that's addiction.
And it's the same thing with Harvey Weinstein.
He got addicted to whatever was going on.
You know, sure, he had some dirty behaviors and he, you know, was living in, you know, I mean, this dude was break dancing on the, you know, on the, you know, this dude was break dancing on the, on the, you know, on the dance floor of sin.
He's out there just, you know, this dude was probably double jointed in his dick because he's out there straight up cock twerking, you know, and doing the dark arts and, you know, imposing his will onto women who did not want his will, you know, is what he's been accused of.
But after a while, there's a sickness there.
You get used to whatever you, you know, you get used to it, and it's addiction.
And at some points, you also, you have to have some empathy.
It's sick to see somebody do something, but it's also sad to see them be sick, you know?
And I think that's probably what you've got in the neighborhood, man.
You got a crack artist around you, you know?
So if you want to, you know, lace his pipe with a little bit of caulk, now you're talking business.
So I think that's what you should look into, brother.
But God bless you.
Thank you for calling.
All right, guys, we're going to get to some more calls in just a moment.
But before we do, I want to have Ari Manis has just arrived, and we're going to have him in studio here in just a second.
I just want to get a catch up with what's going on in his weird world.
So we'll be right back with Ari Manus.
This past weekend.
Yeah, man, maybe having him on as a sidekick for like segments might be a good idea because it is important for us to have you, you know, it feels good, but it feels like it's us and you.
I think that's why a lot of people open up the way that they do.
They just want you.
Well, I don't think that that's what they want, but it seems like, you know, they don't want me.
Well, what did the gentleman say?
He said he wanted me just in a little baby.
In dosing.
Baby pieces.
Micro dosing.
Micro dosing.
They want a dab.
They don't want a joint.
Sometimes that's how it starts.
Yeah.
Sometimes it starts with the dab, and then they go for the joint later.
That's true.
And that could happen, man.
But I want to say I'm happy to have you in today, man.
Thank you for coming by.
Thanks for having me.
It's always good to be here in the Theo Vaughan studio.
Yep, that's Ari Manis, guys, is joining us today.
We've had Ari on.
Man, I mean, I haven't been on probably in four or five weeks.
Yeah.
And last we checked, you had taken a girl, you were the girlfriend, and you guys had just visited a, I don't want to call it, it didn't seem like a honeymoon getaway, but a weekend trip down to the, you know, down to those vaginal swap meets down there in Mexico, down to the prostitution houses.
Yeah, the brothel and Tijuana.
That was a fun night.
But since then, we have unfortunately broken up, me and the girlfriend.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Okay, and what was the cause of that, do you feel like?
I feel like this might be a long, boring story, but I'll just tell you it.
Okay.
What you think.
But I loaned her some money to fix her car.
Ooh.
You know, I don't make a lot of money.
Right.
By the way, I'm not rolling by any means, but she needed a car, and I didn't want to give her eyes to work.
I got over that after a day.
I said, we need to get your car fixed.
Okay.
So I loaned her almost $700.
Right.
This was a few weeks ago.
The first of the month comes around.
I send her a text because I'm paying the rent that we both live in, the rent to our apartment.
And I said, hey, just checking in on that money because I'm paying the rent right now.
So I'm just seeing if you had it.
She said, oh, I don't have it yet.
I said, okay, for sure.
She said, are you mad?
I said, no, I'm just really broke.
Okay.
And she said, well, you should consider getting a second job.
Wow.
And do you agree with her?
I mean, the thing is, first off, if I want a second job or not, that's up to me.
But secondly, maybe I wouldn't need a second job if you give me the money back that you owe me.
So it kind of flipped this switch in my head where I was like, what?
Like, where do you get the gall?
Yeah.
The nerve to tell me to get a second job when you owe me $700.
Yeah.
And gall, a lot of senior citizens say, gall, my grandmother used to say.
Did I use the gall correctly?
Yeah, but a lot of seniors used to use that.
And almost that word's dying off, so I'm glad.
Literally dying off.
I mean, both my grandparents used to use it.
I'm bringing it back here in this past weekend.
I'm glad to hear it come back.
But I'm saying, so, and so that flipped a switch in your head.
It just pissed me off, you know, that she would have the nerve to say that to me when she owes me money.
So we started fighting, of course, back and forth.
Did she have a job?
She has a full-time job, nine to five.
Okay.
Over in Culver City.
Okay.
Maybe I shouldn't say that over in Los Angeles.
And so I ended up breaking up with her.
And she came home and we cried.
And I think she realized that she messed up in this situation and she said she wouldn't do it again.
But we just fight all the time.
I mean, I've talked about a few fights just on this podcast.
Yeah.
Did you feel like you were trying to get out of this anyway and this was just that opportunity?
Maybe, maybe a little bit because I have talked about it before.
But in the moment, I wasn't thinking this is my out.
I was thinking this is bullshit.
I'm ending this.
So we broke up and it's been two or three days now and I miss her.
And when it hits about midnight.
Have you been masturbating to her, thoughts of her?
No, I've been using the regular porno.
Okay, so you're not using drugs and her, like, no, not old pictures or anything like that or sex tapes that we've home videos we've recorded.
Oh, you guys did it.
Did all using that?
Yeah, I got all that.
You saved all that.
Yeah, I'm not saying I'm going to keep it forever.
I may or may not.
I feel like that's up to me.
I think we both agreed to doing it.
Therefore, unless she asked me to delete it, I think I have the right to keep it.
We are both consenting adults.
Who's on the tape?
Me and her.
Yeah, you are too.
Remember that, though?
Yeah, that's my advice.
I'm about to do sex tape.
Yeah, I definitely don't want to release it.
Yeah.
Well, I wouldn't release it.
I mean, who's going to buy it?
You know, 20 guys at the comedy store?
You know what I'm saying?
Who's going to be maybe a few more?
I think more people are releasing it.
Not for me, for her.
She's an attractive young lady.
Oh, that's true.
Yeah, she's out of my league.
Which brings me to my next thing that I was going to say is I miss her.
Do you feel like you made too big of an issue about the money?
Well, to me, it wasn't the money.
It was the.
Yeah, I don't mind loaning her money.
I trust her that she'd pay me back.
And at the end of the day, money is money.
But it was kind of just the way she treated me after owing me money.
Okay.
So you lend her the money with a stipulation she was going to pay you back.
Was there a timeline on how soon?
No, just as soon as she could.
But then it was just the fact that she was telling me I should get a second job.
Right.
That I should quit complaining.
It's like, you.
Were you complaining a lot about the money?
No.
It was that one time on the first of the month when rent was due.
How long after you laundered the money did she was that text exchange?
Week, maybe a week after that?
Yeah, it was a week later, but somebody's probably not going to have the money.
Right, but I wasn't making a big deal of it.
Right.
I wasn't saying, where's my money?
I just said, hey, I'm paying the rent.
Do you by chance the money?
So really just kind of also a reminder to keep it fresh.
Yeah, keep it fresh.
But my question for you is, I miss her right now, but we were fighting all the time back and forth, off and on.
Should I take her back?
Is she willing to come back?
Yeah.
Are you willing to excuse the $700 payment?
Yeah, it's not the money thing.
It was just kind of...
What's going to change?
Exactly.
I don't know.
Do you love her?
I love her.
Wow.
You know, I don't know.
That's a tough one, man.
It's a tough one when there's love involved there.
There's money involved.
There's obviously some loneliness.
It seems like you're probably, you seem a little lonely.
Yeah.
Not a lot, but some.
Sure.
Heterosexual deviant.
I mean, you're out there.
You're deviant number one.
I mean, I tried going to the brothel just last weekend to try and make myself feel better.
Did you?
Maybe for about 10 minutes.
You went all the way down to Mexico for 10 minutes?
I went to Mexico.
I was doing shows anyway.
But yeah.
You were doing shows in Mexico.
In San Diego.
Okay, so then you went into another country for 10 minutes for some type of a sex exchange.
Possibly.
Okay, I mean, look, it's okay.
I'm just saying.
Yeah, you know, let's don't be like, you know.
I'm going through hard times.
Yeah, let's just don't say you're wandering.
I don't want to judge.
You're judging me now.
I just want to get the facts straight.
So you're wandering.
I don't want to be like, oh, I was wandering around and just, you know.
I went to the Hong Kong with a friend.
And the Hong Kong is the, for those of you that don't know, Hong Kong is the sexual establishment, the distribution center in Mexico.
It's a legal brothel.
The illegal brothel, my bad.
Tijuana.
Okay.
Legal.
Legal.
Allowed, yeah.
And I went there trying to make myself feel better.
Did you purchase a lady or purchase some service?
I may have, yeah.
It's fun.
Yeah, I did.
Okay.
Yeah, I did.
And did you feel better?
No.
You know, at the end of the night, I didn't feel better about doing that.
So, I mean, the issue is if I take her back, forget about even this story of why we broke up.
We fight all the time.
Maybe this relationship isn't meant to be.
Maybe it is.
I don't know.
I'm conflicted right now.
I miss her, but maybe it's just because I'm lonely and maybe I need to move on.
Yeah.
It's a tough one, man.
You know, I'm not in a relationship right now, but I'm sure that a lot of our listeners are.
So I'm going to turn this one over to you guys.
If you guys have thoughts or advice, is that cool with you?
Yeah.
Okay.
I want to see what people think, man, because you're already kind of polarizing a lot of people that don't, you know, don't enjoy you being here.
And there's a lot of people that do.
But I thought it would be neat to have Ari on and come and share about some stuff that's going on.
I do appreciate you sharing, man.
I know that, you know, this relationship's been a crazy thing.
I mean, this is a girl he met after three weeks.
They moved in together and have been making love and living together.
Ari has a snake and a gun.
You're a gun owner and a.
Yeah, I have a 12-gauge shotgun.
I have a pet rose-haired tarantula and a western hog-nosed snake.
So this is the kind of man that you're dealing with, you know.
But yeah, I'm sure a lot of our callers out there, a lot of our listeners will have an idea.
Is that just a relationship?
You figure it out, you deal with it.
How does that go?
If you have any thoughts, hit the hotline, 985-664-9503.
I'm going to get back to a couple more of you guys' calls.
Ari, will you come back this week?
Maybe we'll do like a follow-up where we can listen to some of the calls that come in.
Sure.
Is that cool?
Yeah.
Yeah, man.
I'm sorry that you're going through this kind of stuff.
Yeah, it's tough, man.
It's tough, dude.
It's tough.
You have to, fuck, I don't know.
I'm lonely.
Yeah.
I think everyone is.
It's a normal thing.
Yeah, we all, yeah.
Well.
It's human.
It's human, man.
We're humans.
Let's keep it human.
We'll be right back.
I'm going to get Ari out of here.
We'll be right back just with the regular program.
This past weekend.
I want to hear if you guys have some thoughts on Ari's current situation, what's going on with him.
You know, if you want to hit the hotline 985-664-9503, we'll put that out on YouTube this week as a follow-up episode and just see kind of what you guys' thoughts are there.
You know, I mean, Ari's a neat kid.
He's got some trouble going on.
And I just wanted to kind of see, and, you know, I just wanted to see if people had some, you guys had some ideas.
You know, because sometimes it's hard for me to relate.
You know, sometimes I don't really know what to say.
Even though I'm kind of a blabbermouth.
Sometimes I don't know what to say.
But this time I knew what to say, but sometimes I know to turn it over.
If I can't turn it up, at least I can turn it over.
And I'm turning it over to you guys.
So if you have some thoughts or suggestions for Ari Manis, you can drop those on the hotline, 985-664-9503.
And I'll put out that follow-up episode this week onto YouTube.
Maybe we'll put it up on, we'll see how many calls we get.
If we get a lot of calls, we'll put it on the iTunes as well.
Onto SoundCloud and iTunes.
If not, we'll just put it up on YouTube.
Let's take one more call, man.
Here we go.
Yo, Theo, my name's Greg.
I'm going to try to take this slow because I'm a little slow.
It's okay, man.
I've been slow, you know, and I probably still am slow.
So, game-recognized game, baby boy.
You know, I finished college out of about 270 hours of college.
One degree.
So you do the math, dude.
Daddy was taking his tall.
Thank you for calling in, Rick.
I'm 51. I just moved out to California in January of this year, 2017.
Welcome.
Got out of a long relationship, 16 years, of which the last 12 were without sex.
Okay.
So 12 years without sex.
You know, that's 12 years a jerker.
That's really, that's a new, you know, that's 12 years a slave to some, you know, some hand activity, you know.
But that's okay, man.
I appreciate you sharing that because that's a real thing.
You know, that some relationships, that's, that's, you know, that's not always a, you know, it's not always part of the definition of what a marriage is, you know, you know, composed of.
Sex ain't always in the recipe.
Let's hear more.
So I don't know what it means to be a man, but that part of my life didn't feel much like a man.
What else?
Yeah, that can make you feel unmanly, dude.
Even if some of it's, you know, if even I notice if I've been in a relationship, you know, because I've been in a relationship where I wasn't even being sexual, you know, and that made me feel, it makes you feel like something's wrong with you.
But sometimes you're in the relationship and it's not about, you know, there's relationships I've been in where it's just about getting that doint, you know, you know what I'm saying?
Hitting that wet, you know, copping that stem, hopping that, you know what I'm saying, hopping that crop, you know, killing that canal, you feel me?
And sometimes it's not about that.
Sometimes it's about other things, and then that's just a side item.
You know, when they take, when that side item is not on your plate, you know, if they take the fries off your plate or they take those greens off your plate, you still got to eat that steak.
And so that's a lot of people's marriages, it seemed like as you get into it, I could imagine that the day-to-day is just chewing on that steak.
Even though you had that steak, you know that steak is going to be pissed or you know that steak going to leave their coffee cup in the kitchen or you know that steak ain't going to leave enough milk for you or you know that steak gonna be furious if you can't find the baby's shoes.
But that's the steak.
That's the steak of it.
And sometimes you stay because that's your steak, man.
That's your steak.
You grilled it.
Y'all cooking it together.
You grilled it.
That's your steak.
And so you're saying these side items got took away, but you still got the steak that you lived with for 12 years of steak.
So I won't make any more 12 years of slave references, title movie references.
Let's go.
Maybe we got more.
Got fears, lots of fears, a lot of regret, a lot of stuff that I hadn't accomplished in life.
But I got my shit together after 28 years on the big pharmaceuticals for antidepressants and anxiety and 16 years on painkillers after being hit by a car.
Ooh.
I'd love to know what kind of car, if you don't mind dropping that call in or a text into the hotline, 985-664-9503.
You're talking to a trans am survivor.
Onward.
Falling off a railing.
I weaned myself all that stuff.
The pain meds.
I had my last ephexer January 3rd.
Still do a little of the devil's cabbage, if you know what I mean, but that was with psychiatrist and therapist blessing.
Well, man, congratulations on getting off that effector, you know?
I mean, I know that those pills are powerful, dude.
I know that they're more powerful than us.
And I don't know why they made them like that.
You know, why that these companies think that we're so, you know, we don't have enough will inside of us to also help get us through tough times.
But I applaud you for that, man.
Congratulations.
Let's hear more.
They gave me the Clean Bill of Health.
Sent me on my way out to California.
Start things over.
I don't know what it means to be a man.
That's what I'm trying to figure out now.
I'm not in the cloud anymore, and that feels real good.
And I got to thank you for talking about feelings instead of how you doing?
How you feeling?
That's what it's all about.
I'm feeling good.
I cry.
Cry a lot.
Cry is good stuff.
I like nature, man.
I'm doing the yoga.
I'm at the park in Long Beach doing yoga on the bluff six days a week.
I went from 240 to 160.
Wow.
And I'm going to stop you there, man, and I appreciate it.
Because I'm just thinking about change, man.
It sounds like you have a big change, a lot of change has occurred in your life.
And this feels really, you know, at 51, I mean, you sound 30. You know, you sound like the energy of a 30 man that's 30. You know, you got, you know, just to be able to hear that we can change at 51 is that's exciting.
You know, that sounds inspirational.
Because I know it's harder sometimes as we get older.
You know, it's harder we get set in our ways.
But one of the biggest lies I ever heard was that a leopard can't change his spots.
I don't believe that, man.
I don't believe that for a second.
I don't believe that whatever you're in or whatever you're stuck in, that it can't be changed.
And that's why I love this call, man.
I love it.
I appreciate you calling because we need to hear this.
You know, whatever it is we're stuck in, you know, sometimes you just have to get through.
Sometimes, you know, if you committed to a relationship, you committed to raising a child, you get through.
You chew that steak.
You get through it.
But you can change it if things need to be changed or tidied up, you know.
You know, we try not to waste our time.
You know, we try not to stay on the things that are going to derail us.
You know, the pills, the antidepressants you brought up.
I'm on the antidepressants, man.
I'm afraid to get off.
That's crazy because I don't know if I am.
You know, I mean, I know I've suffered from depression, but I don't know if I always will.
But now I'm addicted to the pills.
I'm afraid to stop taking them.
That's crazy, man.
You know?
You know, we got people addicted to our phones, you know?
But we also have people who are addicted to realizing what's real out there.
You know, the friends, the family, the thing that makes us feel good.
You know, hearing somebody else's voice and not giving in to what becomes habitual.
You know, that internet, it's just habitual.
You know?
The things that are habitual.
you know, sitting there when your wife's watching a TV show, even though she's just watching TV, if you're just sitting on your computer, that's even more isolational, really.
I find when you can sit there with your wife and also watch the show together, you know, due to Jeopardy and see who gets more right or due to Wheel of Fortune.
And it's little things like that, you know, that are real.
And sure, I think that's kind of a good thing to do these days.
You can find that common balance.
If you can't get completely unhint, you know, disconnected, can you find a common balance?
You know, can you find enough of a balance where you get a, you know, maybe there's still some technology involved, there's still something involved, but at least you guys are both involved, you know?
I mean, I think that's the goal these days is to just have a comfortable balance.
Don't get too, you know, back off of these things that can be addictive.
You know, you got to tell the kids no to put down that mind sweep.
You know, to put down that whatever it is, warrior wizard or whatever it is, cat taffany or whatever it's cat craft.
Because the kids will do that.
You know, and you got to give them a frisbee.
Teach them what a frisbee is.
You know, my nephew thought a frisbee just something to dog eat out of.
What the fuck?
No, that's an instrument for joy.
That's something you throw and your little brother goes and gets.
And if he doesn't go get it for you, then you beat his ass.
You know?
That's what it was, dude.
That was a get-yo-ass beat disc.
That's what it was around my house.
So sometimes you got to get these kids off this mine sweep.
Give them a frisbee.
Put them in the yard.
It's hot out there.
Well, guess what?
It's hot as hell if you don't live here anymore.
And I'll kick your ass out if you ain't willing to play in the yard.
But I want to thank you guys, man, for just calling in about the thoughts from last week.
I've had a couple calls about addiction and stuff like that, and I want to drop those in.
But I'm getting to it as I can.
I'm excited for some of the new stuff that we have going on.
Check out theova.com slash store.
I will see you in Huntsville, Alabama coming up November 16th through the 19th.
And then I will also be at Cowboys.
I think that's what it's called.
December 1st or December 2nd.
And that's in Calgary.
I think it's December 1st, Calgary, Canada.
And that's all I have right now.
That's what's on the calendar.
So come check me out, Stand Up Live Huntsville, November 16th through the 19th, and then in Calgary, December 1st.
I'll put the Calgary date on my calendar so you know exactly where that show is.
Thank you guys for your support.
And on the way out, this is Spencer Jacob Grow is going to take us home today.
And this is his song, Celebrate Living.
Spencer Jacob, G-R-A-U.
Here we go.
Celebrate living.
Celebrate misery.
You know that soon we're gonna die.
Let's have some fun while we're alive.
You guys be good, man.
Take care of yourselves.
You probably deserve it, man.
Thank you guys.
I'll talk to you soon.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
The answer may shock you.
Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
Sometimes I won't.
And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
You have three new voice messages.
A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else.
So great.
Hi, Sweet.
Is it deal?
Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.
Jamain.
Hi, I'll take a quarter potter with cheese and a McFlurry.
Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.
Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
Second rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on YouTube, yeah?
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