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Oct. 16, 2017 - This Past Weekend - Theo Von

01:06:29

10-16-17 | This Past Weekend #46

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	3 Happy Monday, everybody!
	It's Monday, man.
	You didn't think it was?
	Come on.
	You've been living under a rock.
	Come on, man.
	You've been living under a bad calendar?
	Let's have some fun while we all die.
	Man, thank you guys for being here with me this morning.
	Happy Monday, October 16th.
	I'm in New Orleans.
	Actually, I'm in Baton Rouge.
	I'm in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.
	And so if the audio sounds a little bit weird or, you know, loud or unloud or, you know, tanny, sometimes they say that with audio.
	It sounds a little tanny, you know, a little reverb.
	I do not know.
	I don't know about all the different specifics.
	But I'm in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, man.
	So I'm out here at my brother's house and I'm in the dining room.
	And this is where we're doing the pod this weekend, this week, this week.
	So happy Monday.
	Hope you guys had a good one.
	I was in New Orleans for a wedding.
	Okay.
	I fly in Friday into the big easy.
	We'll go to this place, Pascals Manale, right?
	And it's a place where you can get seafood.
	And seafood, you know what that is, man.
	It's different food out of the ocean or out of water.
	It almost, they say seafood, some of the stuff they serve in Louisiana easily could have been extradited from a ditch.
	You know, I mean, they got some things like, fuck, if they catch a dog that can swim, they will grill that thing up in some places in Louisiana.
	So the word sea, I think, is, you know, that could be used or not used.
	Things in water or things from water, I think is more applicable.
	I mean, somebody will grill up a fucking spare tire if they find, you know, and call that seafood, you know.
	But we're at this place, Pascals.
	You know, we hadn't even gotten to the hotel or motel or wherever we're staying.
	My buddy and his, I flew in.
	My buddy and his girlfriend flew in on the same flight.
	I'm dropping them off at their Airbnb.
	And everybody's hungry.
	We stop at this place.
	We order some food, right?
	We're sitting there chatting.
	Suddenly, somebody across the room starts choking or choking to death.
	I love, you know, that's the thing about choking.
	It's like, you know, people, it's either, I guess it's either you're choking or you're choking to death.
	There's not a lot of, you know, middle ground when it comes to choking.
	And this person was choking, I guess, to death, you know, it would take a while still to see.
	So at that time, they were just choking.
	I guess somebody has to die to be actually choking to death.
	Even though some of those people are like, I was choking to death, but they didn't die.
	Some of the people say I was choking to death.
	If you don't die, you weren't.
	You were just choking.
	But anyhow, whatever.
	This person is choking.
	And they stand up and everybody's just like sitting down, like pretending somebody's not choking maybe to death.
	And her husband, this guy, this lady's choking, you know, she had kind of a, I don't know if you ever seen Napoleon Dynamite, but Uncle Rico, you ever seen that dude, his uncle, who could throw the football over the mountain?
	She had a haircut like his.
	You know, kind of a kind of a haircut that had been blow-dried way too long.
	You ever see somebody, their hair has been blow-dried way too long, and it seems just lightly, not crisped, but just, it seems almost fried a little, a little bit, you know, air-fried.
	Not fried by something wet, but fried just by air.
	Her hair seemed kind of air-fried.
	Anyhow, she's choking, and her husband, I guess, is trying to help, but he's just like massaging her shoulders.
	And I'm like, what the fuck, dude?
	And so I'm trying to make eye contact with him before I try to get over there and help, because I don't know if this dude, you know, I don't know what their relationship's like.
	Maybe he's, you know, trying to kill his wife or something.
	I don't know.
	But I don't want to fuck up their whole, you know, whatever they're trying to do.
	Or he's, you know, if he's, if they're, maybe she's horrible to him and this is, you know, he, you know, planned ahead on this sandwich and this is, you know, the meal that's going to take her out.
	You know, maybe he can't afford a cruise.
	You know, a lot of people take their spouse on a cruise and they push him overboard while they've been drinking.
	Maybe this guy's like, you know, I'm going to save money on a $600 cruise ticket and just hit up this, you know, $14, you know, oyster po-boy here in New Orleans.
	Anyhow, so she's choking.
	This dude's like massaging her shoulders.
	So I'm like, I'm going to stay out of this because I don't want to, you know, ruin whatever money this dude's trying to make or, you know, whatever.
	And then the waiter comes in.
	Everybody else is just kind of chilling.
	I stand up and I'm like, does anybody know, you know, what's going on over here?
	And it's a small room we're in.
	There's only probably 13 people in the whole room and there's about maybe 12 tables.
	And one of the tables is a five top.
	So, I mean, this lady's like spitting and like, I don't know if you've ever been choking or not, but it's pretty intense.
	If you've ever been like choking possibly to death, that shit is intense, you know, and your face and your throat starts making all this extra saliva.
	You know, you start turning, your whole head turns into like a water slot.
	I mean, you start dripping out of your eyes and your nose and everything because your body's trying to lube your whole universe up so you can get this, whatever's inside of you so it'll pop out.
	And this lady's, I mean, dripping.
	She's like crying and there's, you know, grease coming out of her pores and like, you know, her ears are like saliva just swirling out her ears and everything.
	I mean, she's this lady's lubed up.
	I mean, you think she's ready for some type of gangbang if she wasn't choking possibly to death.
	Man, I tell you, dude, this so this waiter comes over and he straps on the Heimlich, bro.
	This start, this dude straps on the Heimlich.
	And he was the skinniest waiter.
	You know, I'm not accusing anybody of different, you know, you know, extracurricular activities, but I've worked on the pizza line.
	I used to work and make pizza with a guy on methamphetamines.
	And them boys can put in work, you know, and they don't weigh much.
	I mean, this dude had, this guy I worked with would wear a belt, but he would have to tie the belt, you know, and his waist was basically just a forearm with a spine in it, you know, and some organs and some lean organs.
	I mean, this boy was lean.
	And so I've been around these fellas that's jacked up on them uppers, you know, that they call it high diving, you know, when you're on them uppers constantly because you're living at 60 feet.
	You know, when it's a, I mean, your world is just a bouncy board up there.
	Anything can happen.
	That fall can be fast.
	And this guy, this lean fella, starts doing Heimlich on this lady.
	And this lady's a, you know, she's a middleweight, light, heavyweight, maybe.
	You know, she kind of, she's not, she's like a Buster Douglas kind of, if you will, if you want to use fighting terminology.
	She's sort of a Buster Douglas.
	And as he pulls on her, his whole body is coming up off of the ground.
	So this guy is Heimlicking, this lean fella, dude.
	He's Heimlicking her.
	It looked like a skeleton trying to fuck like a big animal.
	As he's pulling, his whole body is bucking on her.
	Like his feet are coming up off the ground, his momentum.
	And she's just, I mean, this, and suddenly there's just kind of like a like a like that, like, and just this big splash of like, you know, whatever it was, whatever it jacked her system up, just, just, just kind of just attack, just flew.
	I mean, it had liquid flew out of her eyes, nose, and mouth.
	You know, the trifecta, you know, I mean, it was, it was artful almost.
	It was something you'd see at Disneyland around sunset when they do the big water display and the water kind of jumps from one hole to the other.
	And they're playing the music, you know, be your best, be your best, you know.
	And the music's, you know, everybody was kung fu fighting.
	And just the waters are jumping and landing in other holes.
	And it's like this perfect thing.
	It was like that, man.
	It hit the air.
	And it was just like, whoosh, and just splash.
	And then everything was done.
	And it was over.
	And it was awkward, man.
	It was so awkward.
	And I didn't know what to do.
	So I started a round of applause because otherwise I'm thinking here.
	Well, first of all, the lady lived.
	You know, if somebody lives, hell yeah.
	You know, even if her husband had a plan or he was caught up in the dark arts in his brain, you know, he was thinking about murder.
	He'd been Googling stuff that was dangerous and would come back to haunt him, you know, on a dateline episode, whatever.
	You know, I mean, I could see some, you know, fella thinking about taking his wife out via sandwich.
	That's an easy, that's a $17 kill, you know?
	But this guy, you know, I started this round of applause.
	There's a round of applause going.
	And that kind of broke the awkwardness, man.
	And I've been there.
	Let me tell you, I have been there, okay?
	I've had reactions.
	If I have, and this is like, and I'll know now because I'm giving this secret out to people, but if I have tuna fish and Gatorade, same time, just straight tuna out the can, albacore.
	You know, none of the cheap shit.
	But if I go Albacore, that white meat, you know, that front meat, that breast of the fish, immediately, if I have that with Gatorade, my throat shuts down.
	I mean, closes up.
	I remember being in a hotel in Chicago.
	You know, I'm hitting myself with that Gatorade, that thirst quencher, and I'm popping off a, I got one of them bags, them cold bags of tuna fish.
	Because sometimes they used to have for a while, and they may still have them.
	Because it's hard to get into a can of tuna.
	I mean, I remember seeing a homeless guy beat open a can of tuna with an umbrella once in Santa Monica.
	And I'm like, fuck, that dude, you know, that's aggressive for some fish.
	You know, for some low-key fish, that's aggressive.
	So I know that I'm not that kind of guy.
	You know, I'm not that kind of guy.
	I'm not the guy that beats open a can of tuna for, you know, with a, you know, with a weather prevention utensil.
	But when I mixed this, so for a while they had it in a bag and it was just a bag you could seal tight.
	You would open it and you could get to the tuna right there.
	Immediately there's a tuna.
	It was kind of this metal pouch.
	Pouch, that's a better term than bag.
	So I was in my hotel room.
	I'm running late.
	I just hit the gym.
	I want to get, you know, electrolytes and get my protein in.
	So I hit up a 7-Eleven on the way to my room, grabbed me a bag of that snack fish, that low-key snack fish, and a Gator Raid.
	And the Gator Raid, man, right when it hit my throat and I had the tuna in my mouth and throat, my shit closed up, locked.
	So I'm in my hotel room and my shit is locking, locking, bro.
	You ever see like on those movies where somebody attacks like a, or somebody, you know, tries to, I think like maybe Star Wars, where somebody tries to get onto the, you know, the space vessel and the doors start closing whenever they're, you know, finally are stealing it or whatever.
	And the, the sliding doors are just start locking down like whoosh, whoosh.
	It was like that.
	I mean, my throat Started locking, locking.
	I mean, no entry.
	Dude, I am reaching down my own throat.
	I don't know if you ever reached down your throat for something.
	You know, I'm trying to think what I would compare it to.
	First of all, never would I think I could get my hand down my throat until I have to.
	Dude, I was just trying to hold my throat open so I could get air in and out of it.
	Man, my throat keeps locking.
	I try to call the phone, try to call the front desk.
	I can't.
	I'm like, go into the hall, right?
	Into the hall.
	I have my toothbrush in my hand because I'm trying to push that in my throat and like hold it to the side to hold my throat open.
	Go into the hall.
	There's a man, dude.
	A man.
	I'm pretty sure.
	My eyes were watery.
	Could have been a, you know, I mean, it's Chicago.
	It could have been a lesbian.
	It could have been a hardy lesbian.
	You know, you know, a third degree lesbian.
	And I am pulling on this person's pants, just pulling on the front of their pants by their pockets, like on my knees, like basically motioning this toothbrush down my throat.
	And at first, I think the dude or the, I think it's a man now, pretty sure.
	The more I remember, my memory's getting stronger.
	Because I have one of those memories that gets stronger.
	You know, some people memory, that gets weaker.
	My memory gets stronger.
	So I'm pulling on this man's front pockets and everything.
	And at first, I think he thinks I'm in caught up in some, you know, in some cocaine and I'm probably doing some shit off a back page and I'm running some illegalities.
	You know, I'm probably in my room raising turtles.
	You know what I'm saying?
	Bro, I'm probably in my room, you know, making homemade pesticides and eating fucking barbituate soup up in my hotel room.
	You know, I'm probably making bathtub gin and fucking, you know, making towels out of, you know, a dead woman's hair or something.
	He probably thinks I'm caught up in something.
	Because if you run out into the hallway and you're motioning the toothbrush down your throat, you know, that has a kind of like an oral sex kind of vibe to it.
	And you're crying and everything.
	But eventually this guy got what was going on, dude.
	And this man is holding a toothbrush inside of my mouth to keep my throat open.
	And after about maybe 45 seconds of that, it passed.
	It passed, bro.
	And then this dude is like, I got to run and literally took off.
	Like, I don't know if he was like a Clark Kent kind of dude that does this shit.
	You know, is just wandering around looking for people to help.
	But he helped me and took off.
	Could not even get his information.
	Could not even get his information, man.
	Fuck, I could barely get his gender or sexuality.
	So, but, so that's what happened right when I got to New Orleans.
	Somebody was choking to death or possibly to death.
	And, you know, and they didn't.
	And then they sat and they finished eating.
	They had dessert and they had other things, snacks, you know, and I kept trying to catch the husband's face.
	He seemed, I mean, what was he going to do?
	Massage her shoulders as she died?
	Which would be so awkward.
	You're dying.
	Somebody's giving you like a nice massage.
	Interesting.
	But outside of that, I went to a, what else did I do?
	I went to a wedding here in New Orleans.
	That was cool.
	You know, we did the second line.
	I don't know if you've ever done the second line thing.
	I put it up on my Instagram this weekend on the video.
	And a second line is where they hire, you hire some adult men.
	And it's usually about like 85% of the men that do it are African American or black.
	And they play the big instruments and they play the jazz music as you walk down the street.
	So your whole wedding party gets in the street and the lady, the bride has the umbrella or the man, if you like a gay man and you are the fancier, if you're the glass slipper of the crew, then you, the one, hold the umbrella and you get out there and you roll down the street and your whole wedding party is behind you and they have these little white little kerchiefs and you just shaking that kerchief around like you're surrendering.
	And it honestly looks like a bunch of people surrendering but having fun at the same time.
	It looks like a bunch of alcoholics kind of surrendering.
	So we did that at the wedding and the wedding took place in an old swinger's den.
	The wedding took place in this old swinger's place where swingers used to do sex, I guess, and adult activities.
	And swingers, I know in LA there's some pretty intense swinger parties.
	I've heard about them, you know, and I've actually been invited to some and I haven't gone yet because I'm not going because my back's pretty hairy and I'm not taking a hairy back to a damn swingers event.
	I just do not have that kind of confidence.
	You know, and my butt gets kind of hairy too and I'm not taking a hairy ass into a swingers thing.
	So I need to get probably, you know, waxed up and maybe do some, you know, some different leg exercises and some reverse leg curls and stuff before I'm going to go to a swingers thing.
	But I wouldn't mind checking it out sometime.
	One time I was in Lake of the Ozarks, Missouri, and that is swinger country.
	You know, that's a good place to taste another man's wife or, you know, to, you know, really spray out on some, you know, local spouse that's not yours, you know, or to be wild.
	And we went there, me and this man, this other man, we went there, we were just comedians, you know, we just show up and we're supposed to stay at Lake of the Oz Arch for one night.
	So we check in at a hotel because we're doing a comedy show there.
	So we check in at the hotel we always stay at, right?
	And he's the feature.
	I'm the headliner.
	We're not together.
	We're just friends.
	Fucking honestly, me and this dude didn't even know each other.
	We just know we're both comedians and we both drove down from the airport in Columbia, Missouri.
	We get there, we get to the front desk.
	The guy at the front desk goes, are you guys girls only, boys only, or boys and girls only?
	And I'm thinking, well, what the fuck is a third option for?
	Like, you know, first I'm like, what's going on?
	You know, but then I'm like, what's the third?
	What is the third option even?
	And then we realize that it's a swingers convention has taken over the hotel for the weekend.
	And it's A beautiful little resort hotel, it's right on the water.
	You know, it's a nice place to probably, you know, be by yourself or, you know, I guess be with somebody else's spouse or whatever.
	But then we start seeing people just bringing in all these little, you know, at hotels and motels, they got the trolleys where you put all your goods on them, you wheel them up to your room.
	You know, and a lot of, you know, a lot of people bring their own food and everything.
	And these people were bringing everything, dude.
	I mean, you would see like a, like a, like a, like a, everything was from, you know, Costco or one of those universal, everything was Kirkland, like Kirkland brand, you know, that big brand, like bulk, Kirkland brand, you know, rice krispies, Kirkland brand lubricant, Kirkland brand, like pool toys, you know, they had everything.
	And these people, none of them, to me, were visually appealing, right?
	They weren't appealing to me.
	But it was swingers, right?
	And then you saw they had this one lady was bringing in the black guy, and you could tell he was the fucking hammer, you know.
	You could tell this dude was flying.
	He might have gotten paid to come here and perform.
	You know, he was that dark dagger, you know, that air, that air, that air meat, you know, that they was FedExing around the fucking country, probably to come in and just satisfy the regional, you know, that regional kunt.
	You feel me?
	So this dude's hitting the airways and probably just, you know, just straight up drilling, drilling, drilling in different areas around the country.
	He's popping off, you know, he's sprouting out.
	You know, he's rooting down in some local, you know, local wives.
	I mean, you could already see, like, these guys probably had posters, you know, that all the white men were going to be like, go get him, black guy, you know, like, Terrence, forever, you know, shit like that.
	Because this dude was about to pop off on some local wives.
	But you had people bust, you know, just people with wheat thins and all kinds of big snacks.
	And I'll tell you this, man, I wasn't into it at all until, I'm not even joking, until I saw the wheat thins.
	I love wheat thins, man.
	I don't know who did wheat thins or Pringles, but they fucking killed it.
	Now, those are kind of snacks that would make me want to be at a swinger's thing.
	You know, if you find me, you know, I don't care who I land in.
	If they got a bowl of wheat thins or Pringles next to their orifice or, you know, a little side tray next to the body, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude.
	You know what I'm saying?
	Put some floaties on daddy's dick because I'm going in.
	You feel me?
	Because I will perform if there is a side item of wheat thins or a Pringles.
	That's a feast.
	That's a feast for me and my libido that keeps me up.
	But anyway, this place, they're like, oh, well, if you guys aren't here with the conference, then you can't be here with the Swingers Convention.
	And we're like, well, what the fuck?
	We have to be here.
	There was just a mistake.
	They booked us at the wrong place.
	But I'm also like, what the fuck still does girls and boys only?
	Like, that's not even, I guess that means you're open for whatever.
	I guess it does mean something, actually.
	But anyhow, everybody gets a bracelet.
	He said, you can't have a bracelet.
	You can't participate in any activities.
	But if you want to come down and watch the bingo night, you can.
	Like, oh, well, you know, whatever.
	You know, we're just going to be here for one night.
	So we go to our comedy show.
	We get back to, we have a couple of beers at the place, at the bar, the comedy spot.
	We get back to the hotel and we're like, dude, we got to see.
	You know, we got to go over the mountain, you know, to see what he could see because that's what the bear did.
	You know, sometimes you got to be out there.
	You got to be a baby bear.
	You know, sometimes if you smell honey, you can't just sit on your hands.
	If you smell honey, you can't sit on your hands because you're not going to get anything.
	You're not going to get any sweetener in your mouth if you're just sitting on your paws, are you?
	Sometimes you got to stand up and open your mouth and follow your nose at the same time.
	If you want to land your face in some of that fucking local sweetener.
	So we got up, you know, and we start walking around and peeking downstairs.
	And downstairs, they are doing the biggest game of, what is it, with the red and the blue and the yellow?
	It's like the hand print and foot and you spin the dial.
	Jeebus, you know what I'm talking about.
	They're doing the biggest game of that I've ever seen.
	There's like 40 boards hooked together.
	There's like, in the middle, there's 19 people who are no longer playing the game accurately, right?
	There's an old person spinning.
	There's one woman who is still playing the game, right?
	Still playing, like, you know, right-hand B or whatever it is, or right-hand green.
	And then there's 19 people in the middle just, I mean, I don't even know what to say they were doing.
	I don't know if they were.
	Some of it was sex.
	In the very middle, there was something vibrating in there that was just going off.
	And that could have been the hammer.
	You know, that could have been the dark artist down there.
	You know, that could have been, you know, DeAndre or whoever they had brought the hammer.
	You know, that guy could have been just DeWalt.
	You know, that could have been DeWalt or Stahl, you know, or Black and Decker.
	Whoever it was, that fellow was popping off down there.
	And that's where the heat was coming out of, and everybody else was just riding off the vibes.
	And there was a lot of just puffy adults, a lot of seniors, a lot of people in their 60s and, you know, and even 70s.
	You know, a lot of that, you know, Tampa cleavage where you see a lot of women have that tan right in the middle of their breast, but it looks like they're probably going to get cancer there.
	You know, kind of that San Andreas fault.
	You know, you can kind of see that.
	They had a lot of some gold chains, you know, a lot of bad gold, a lot of bad local gold.
	And then, so then we peek and then we scoot, right?
	We open the elevator.
	We're thinking we're going to go up the elevator.
	Man, that thing was just a vertical fuck trolley.
	That elevator was stacked, smelled like, oh man, somebody, smelled like somebody had left Chinese food in their trunk overnight.
	I don't know if you've ever done that or not, because it's kind of still got a little bit of a sweet smell to it, but you know that if you eat it, it'll upset your stomach.
	You know, it'll make your knees weak if you eat any of it.
	And that was the smell that was inside of that elevator at that swingers convention that we were not supposed to be at in the first place.
	But hey, that's one of the gifts of the industry.
	That's one of the gifts of comedy, you know, to end up in environments like that.
	But here we are.
	We are here in whatever day it is, man.
	I'm going to get into some calls because I got to go to sleep in a little bit because I got to catch a plane in about, let me see, in eight hours I'll be on a plane back to Los Angeles out of New Orleans.
	So I'm going to catch that drive.
	But I had a great weekend.
	Spent it in Louisiana.
	Got to see my beautiful nieces and nephews today.
	Got to see my mother.
	I haven't seen my mother in about a year.
	So that was really nice.
	She has a husband that gots Alzheimer's.
	So, you know, he's always talking about the war and different wars.
	And so if I see him, I'll always kind of reference, you know, I'll say, you know, welcome back from battle or some shit like that, you know, stuff that makes him feel good and makes everybody feel good.
	So that's something that I like to do sometimes, you know, just make him feel like a part of.
	You know, like they gave him, y'all gave him hell, you know, or, you know, stuff like that.
	So pretty interesting, though.
	I had a good time and went to my niece's soccer game briefly and then just played with the kids on a trampoline.
	So it was pretty joyous, man.
	I got nieces and nephews all, you know, from age one to nine.
	So it's just, man, you get to see how kids are.
	And they were all happy today.
	So that really lifted my spirits up 150%.
	You know, and no future swingers.
	I don't think none of them seem like they might get caught up in all of that.
	You know, but we'll see.
	All right, man.
	Let me tell you guys what's going on.
	I got a new tour shirt.
	You can check it out at theovon.com slash store.
	It's a tour.
	It's got all the dates from this past year.
	It's pretty sweet.
	So go there, grab that, support the podcast.
	You can also support us on Patreon where you can catch extra footage and extra episodes.
	And that is p-at-t-r-e-on-com slash theovon.
	And that link will be in the YouTube, in the YouTube info part right there.
	Please subscribe if you're listening.
	If you're subscribed, and if you're not subscribing, hit up the subscription.
	Become a part of.
	And if you got any advice or guidance, constructive criticisms, you can always let me know.
	Become a part of the podcast.
	We're shooting a new pilot for Comedy Central.
	So also, if you live in California and you have some issues that are going on with feeling emasculated in any way, or you feel like something that's going on in present-day societe is testing your manhood, hit us up on the hotline, 985-664-9503.
	We're looking for some people to be a part of that.
	But no fake shit, no bullshit.
	Keep it real, man.
	Keep it 100.
	All right, let's tap into a couple of calls here.
	Thank you guys for being a part of things.
	Let's take it here.
	Hello, Theo.
	Man, I'm just watching your appearances on the church.
	Those are two of the funniest fucking podcasts I've ever seen in my life.
	I think I've watched them like 10 times already.
	Fucking incredible.
	But it's pretty interesting.
	Oh, wait, hold on just a second, man.
	That guy called in, but I got...
	Let's take it right here.
	Here we go.
	Hello, Theo.
	It's pretty interesting hearing your perspective on white privilege.
	I grew up in a town of 500 North Idaho.
	500 North Idaho, that's, yeah, that is pretty white.
	I know there's a lot of mining up there.
	They're probably just mining even looking for anyone that is not white.
	Like, you have to dig pretty deep.
	Thank you for calling.
	Onward.
	So I kind of get what you're saying.
	It's kind of a hard topic to get into because I think white privilege does exist.
	Yeah, no doubt.
	I mean, it definitely exists.
	I'm just saying that in my life, I didn't get to sign up for it.
	I wish they'd have passed around the sign-up sheet because it was not a part of my life onward.
	But, you know, when I was on a dirt road, you know, fucking, my dad was a logger.
	Just white trash as fuck, you know.
	People are sharing roadkill or whatever they shot that hunting season.
	And logger, that's a tree person.
	I don't know if some people think logger is somebody that's, you know, taking dumps or whatever all over, but logger is somebody that captures trees.
	And I respect loggers, but also at the same time, pretty easy job.
	You know, if you're a logger, you're hunting trees, dude.
	That's easy.
	You know?
	First of all, how hard is it?
	Think about it, dude.
	I could think right now, if I really thought about it, I could tell you where there's probably about 80 trees.
	I could even probably draw them for you and draw you a sketch of them, you know, an outline.
	She had information.
	So not that tough of a job, but I respect it.
	Onward.
	Yeah, I had like seven people in my class.
	One girl, she was a goddamn squatch, too.
	That girl was six foot when she was ten, ready to fuck some cock, man.
	Whoa.
	Okay.
	You got a local, you got a real cock squatch in your locality, huh?
	Let's hear more about this.
	Wild girl.
	Wild girl.
	She did it, too.
	Somebody had to, you know, keep the neighborhood happy, keep the boys from stabbing each other.
	Big Carrie did it.
	Big Care Bear.
	Sickness, squishiness.
	Good stuff.
	Anyway, I'm super stoned, but thanks for the podcast.
	All right.
	I appreciate the call, man.
	Yeah.
	You know, you had a girl named Big Carrie that was taking, you know, taking on sex locally for, you know, to keep the neighborhood happy and to keep things at bay.
	You know, and I think there always is somebody like that.
	You know, I think there always is somebody like that in every in every environment, you know, in every time period, there's some gal who's taking one for the team and sometimes taking the team for one, you know, who is, you know, who's just, you know, comes into their sexuality, you know, at a point maybe others aren't and really just pops off and makes it happen for everybody locally.
	And I remember catching up with a couple of those gals at different places.
	We had a gal in our neighborhood.
	It was a swim team.
	She was big on swim team.
	And she had shoulders like a damn, I mean, just like a two-legged bison, brother.
	I mean, she just had shoulders like a damn, like a fucking 5-4 French bulldog, man.
	I mean, she had shoulders like a, I mean, just like a damn, just like somebody in a wheelchair who lived up a hill.
	You know what I'm saying?
	She had shoulders like that.
	And she used to set off a bunch of nuts.
	She was always setting people's nuts off, setting off the men's nuts locally and kind of taking one for the team at a certain age.
	So I think we should have a time sometimes when we respect those types of people.
	You know, because, you know, they need, sometimes you need that.
	You know, sometimes you need to take that edge off as a group, as a neighborhood.
	And maybe that's what these swingers were doing.
	You know, I'm sitting here judging these people and I would judge, and I judged them at the time, but I mean, if to be 50 or 60 and, you know, and not and be pale and to say, you know what, I'm going to take these thighs out into the Ozarks.
	I'm going to take these thighs out there and set them, you know, and warm them up.
	You know, I'm going to get these capillaries going and get the blood flow going.
	You know, that's pretty brave, actually.
	It's a lot braver than some of the stuff that I'm doing.
	So maybe I can actually learn when I think back on some of these things instead of, you know, maybe this is where I'm learning, where I'm learning not to really, you know, judge these swingers, you know, but that sometimes an area, a specific area needs to just, you know, needs to let out.
	And that there's gals out there like Big Carrie that you just mentioned, sir, and that, and that there's just, there's groups getting together just to pop off, you know, just to blow seed and just, you know, feel that vibe.
	Praise God, man.
	Let's hear a little bit more.
	All right.
	Hey, what's up, D.O., man?
	A long time listener here.
	My name's Davey.
	I'm out of Kansas City.
	Davey.
	Thanks for calling, man.
	I lived next door when I was growing up to a boy named Crazy Davey.
	And he used to invite one of the neighbors over, this other boy named Pug.
	And then he would hide on the roof when Pug was walking over across the street and he would shoot him with pellet guns.
	But that was just people, kids being kids, I guess.
	But that was Crazy Davey.
	And he was very, very, very lean and liked to punch at stuff and punch at people.
	And I remember him doing sex in the woods locally.
	Anyhow, onward.
	I know you guys may have some preconceptions about Kansas City, but it ain't that bad.
	But I remember you saying something about Colin, about what it means to be a man.
	And for me, I'm a little confused because I look around at all my friends and everybody on the internet.
	And, you know, what the average male is looking for is looking for a woman.
	They're looking for a woman to get involved with and then marry.
	And you know what, Theo?
	I just got, I got, I got no aspirations of that, bro.
	Wow.
	I appreciate you sharing, man.
	I want to hear a little bit more about this.
	Let's continue.
	I just, you know, I don't want to say it's an asexual type thing, but it's definitely a thing to where, you know, getting laid and getting a girlfriend is not my top priority.
	I mean, in fact, it's pretty far down on the list.
	I'd rather, you know, go home and go to work and just have a good day and play some music.
	And, you know, I just kind of wanted to weigh in on that and hear what your thoughts might be.
	And maybe there's other ones out there who just really don't put getting late on their top priority.
	You know, I appreciate this call, man.
	I really do.
	This is something that's been on my mind and my heart even recently and even on my groin and loins.
	And that is asexuality.
	You know, it's asexuality.
	And I also want to say, I don't know if you were doing an impersonation, but you do a good impersonation mildly of that scientist that's in the wheelchair, the famous wheelchair scientist.
	I'm not sure what his name is.
	I don't know.
	They call it, you know, he's that black hole.
	You know, he's that David Blaine of space.
	You know what I'm talking about?
	That little fella in the wheelchair.
	Beautiful man.
	But anyhow, I've felt like this, man.
	I've felt like this before, you know, when all these people are chasing this legging out there, you know, I've felt times where it's like, am I doing this just because it's something I'm supposed to do?
	Do I really even care?
	What really is my drive?
	Like, what really is my desire, you know?
	Am I just being sidetracked?
	Because sometimes I would find that I'm chasing women not even because, and oftentimes I would find, I don't even say sometimes, oftentimes I would find I'm chasing women just because it's a habit, not even because I'm trying to look for the perfect lady, you know, or that, you know, that I'm searching for love.
	You know, I'd find sometimes it would just be this habit that I fell into that I guess maybe it was my environment or my peers.
	You know, I'd listen to other people and they're, I don't know if it's conquest, but just, you know, of course you want to feel attractive to women but there are times where I'm like is this really what I want like what do I you know like do I really have any because sex a lot of times just bores me man I just think it's so boring sometimes you know you're just banging your bodies into each other just bang bang bang you know
	bang you know here comes a crazy here comes a crazy pump right here and it's not even that much joy you know it's just like yeah it's just you know if it's not like one of you blows up at a certain point and just confetti flies out of you you know and you you win or you defeat them you know or when you know it's not like I think if there were some prize or something you know like if you bang somebody enough like a trophy like you
	know popped out of their ass or something crazy I think that would be more or if there was an old you know some guy who never graduated high school you know smoking cigarettes and chewing on his last two teeth you know who gave you a prize like a big stuffed animal or a fish with emphysema or something you know I think if they had something like that you would find more joy in it but otherwise I have trouble finding joy in that sometimes you know and maybe it is maybe these days we're becoming more asexual I mean we don't need
	it to survive that much for sure you know it used to be you needed a child to help out you know you need a child to collect wood or get berries you know you can't make a pie without berries where's the fucking berries you know so you have a son you know you got little carl or clark or whatever your son's name is and he's out there getting them fucking fruits you know so you can you know cover him you cover him in the distance with a rifle or an archery piece you know and
	you're doing your thing you're being the leader but now do you need a kid you know do our joys come from humans anymore maybe that's part of it bro i appreciate this call because i love this thought i love this question where do our joys come from is it even other people you know i mean we definitely lock ourselves away for sure you know i mean we find like it's definitely we've become separatists you know it's like uh and
	it's not good for you i mean it's definitely not good for you as a human now as a robot it's probably great for us you know but yeah it's like what else like are we so are we so addicted to i mean things are fucking addictive that's a thing i think i would love probably spending more time with people if i wasn't so addicted to some of this other stuff you know i get addicted to the dude i've watched a show on netflix two weeks ago next thing you know it's it's 11 days later and i've watched you know 12
	episodes and i'm like what the hell just happened it's like you're in a show coma and you're just going through episode to episode it's just some of it's so addictive it's so you know it's so shot in such a great quality and some of the content is so good you can get addicted pretty easy you know so i could see how sexuality like oh who needs that you know i just get you know i got nine 4k episodes of of ozark oh i feel like my brain just came for
	a month i'm good i don't need another human so i think that's something you have to fight if you really want it but it maybe it's not for everybody and i don't i also don't think it is for everyone i think you have a little misconception there and to think that that that everybody's out there looking for somebody i think these days a lot of us are out there and though we may be looking for somebody i think somewhere in our mind we're also wondering do we really want somebody or do we really need somebody or are we just under this old tradition
	that has us looking because we feel like that's what we're supposed to do you know we're at a really it's a it's a weird generation right now it's a weird generation but i appreciate the call all right let's clack uh let's crack into uh something else here here we go what's up here this is mcenzy from mechanics clear ohio hey mckenzie from mechanicsburg i can't remember if you called before or not or if i played this call but let's go i was just wondering i know you have some pornography i believe i
	also have the problem because uh i've been with my girlfriend for about a few years now and probably only have to check 10 to 20 times and uh i think it might be because of pornography i tried footing i went a week but then i come back to the bench jack off like five times in one day time wow so uh this gentleman from virginia and that's virginia's for lovers bro but uh it from virginia is saying that he's been married for
	about two years is it married or just girlfriend but they've only had sex about 10 to 20 times you know and then sometime you go in these fits where you jacking off you spraying out you know i'm saying you petting the dragon and that dude's firing off you know blowing skittles out into the universe you know you busting them straight up galactic shots boy your dick's having a straight up dna asthma attack boy and spraying out killing local invisible fires with that splash you know what's good and
	sometimes you know sometimes you go in these fits because masturbation is dangerous you know what i'm saying if masturbation were a person he would be wearing a dark dirty cape with dirt on the bottom of the cape and dirt around the top around that brim that brim dirt and he would be saying nasty stuff to you and wanting you to come over under under under his roof you know wanting you to come up under his cape and just be nasty so
	you got to watch out you got to watch out for masturbation man and you need to set some kind of regards for yourself you know some type of barriers you know if you got to tape your arms down at night or you need to get heavier sheets but you might need to do something you know or get a neck brace get a weighted neck brace and wear that while you rest but if you popping off constantly on the internet i'm telling you it's a dirty addictive behavior and i'm if you now and
	people constantly will second guess me on this.
	This shit is killing men, bro.
	Okay?
	Think about it.
	What if they had a soup and they're like, oh, this soup is fucking amazing, but it's also killing you?
	Would you eat that soup every night?
	Well, that's what you're doing.
	If you hopped up on these pornographies, you know, if you hopped up on these local high-definition, you know, buttholes and everything, you know, in these splashy crotches, then that's what you're into.
	So you need to get it together.
	That's all I'm saying.
	Because the pornography is dangerous.
	It is dangerous.
	It's a dirty road.
	It is a dirty slope.
	And I'll be damned if you're going to be able to, you know, wear white shoes and do it at the same time.
	And you know what I'm talking about.
	But man, I'm sorry that you're having that trouble because I've been right there.
	I've been in the depths of it.
	You know, I'm two days clean right now off that jerk.
	And I'm happy about it.
	You know, it's tough.
	It's tough, dude.
	But, you know, I mean, we just, we're talking tonight about the asexuality and about the group sex, you know, and the tag teaming and the, you know, summer slamming that puss.
	You feel me?
	Like these people out in the Lake of the Ozarks are doing, these swingers.
	And if you are a swinger, I want you to hit that hotline, 985-664-9503.
	I'd love to know a little bit more about what that universe is like.
	But I'll say this to you, buddy, and I appreciate you calling, is that I wouldn't evaluate it on the number of times you guys have sex.
	You know, I don't think that matters that much.
	I really don't.
	You know?
	Because I've had relationships in my life where I had some decent sex, you know, when I was young.
	You know, and I think I've always thought that sober sex is for children.
	You know, sober sex is for children.
	It is best served for two people under the age of 18. You know, consensually together.
	But, you know, I don't think it matters that much.
	If there's love there and you guys are connection, that's what matters.
	Because you're coming up on the future of your life.
	You know what I'm saying, man?
	That fucking going to die out.
	That fucking is going to die out, dude.
	If you went off the interstate somewhere and you walked into the woods and you looked around, I bet you'd find a lot of people's libidos, a lot of married couples.
	Their fuck history is just milling out there in the middle of nowhere.
	Because that's tossed aside at a certain point.
	I think you keep some sensuality, yeah.
	But that's not what it's about.
	At a certain point, it's about a connection.
	It's about moving forward.
	You know, it's about having a family and those sorts of things.
	You know, I mean, to me, man, at my age and at my time in life, I mean, I've been through some young trim, you know.
	I've been caught up.
	You know, I've been caught up in some of that, you know, some of that soft wallet out there.
	But the thing that keeps me and gets me the most these days is that warm hug from somebody that I love, somebody that cares about me.
	And that's what makes me feel the most.
	So I wouldn't be hard on yourself.
	If that's what's going on in your relationship, I wouldn't be hard on yourself.
	You know?
	And if you're doing jerking off, though, I would find some ways to curb it because I think that you think it's not helping you.
	And there are groups you can join online.
	No fap.
	You can check that out.
	You know, there's a lot of books about it.
	There's audio tapes and stuff you can listen to.
	You know, you can go to SAA, Sexual Addicts Anonymous.
	There's groups.
	You can get a sponsor.
	I mean, I know it sounds crazy, but at 9.30 p.m.
	when you're about to spray down, when you're about to just clean your sink again, you can call up a dude you barely even know and tell him to talk you off that lotion ledge.
	And those men are out there.
	All right, let's take another call here.
	What's going on, Theo?
	This is Alex Colin from Medelline, Colombia.
	Ooh, Colombia, boy.
	I am glad I was not born in Colombia.
	You know, even though my father's a Nicaraguan, you know, and I'm Polish Nicaraguan.
	If I grew up in Colombia, and I've said this before, I would have got an eight ball for my 10th birthday, and I never would have seen 11, boy.
	I'd have been a couple grams deep.
	Did I have been eating balloons and hiding fucking slices of cake in my ass, boy, onward.
	I was wondering what your thoughts were on relationships while traveling.
	I pretty much travel for a living, different countries, and it seems like I'm always just cycling through females, but still wanting that relationship bond.
	And I was wondering how you juggle stuff like that.
	Thanks for everything, and keep it up.
	Bye.
	Thanks for the call, man.
	I appreciate this call.
	Well, I'll say this.
	It's hard to know how you'll behave until you're in a settled place.
	You know, and I found for a long time I was putting a lot of pressure on myself to settle down.
	But at the same time, I'd be out there, you know, checking out the local flavor, you know, if you feel me.
	And I would always be angry at myself.
	I'd be like, man, you know, you want to settle down, but you keep fucking up and doing this or not fucking up, but you keep being out there, you know, sharing yourself with trollops, you know, and, you know, dazzling around with these fucking little, you know, these little fucking glitter bandits, you know, and people that, you know, chicks has just already got their toothbrush in their purse.
	And they're just trying to, you know, meet a man somewhere late at night at a holiday in or a day's in and just jerk him off.
	You know, and you already, you know, you're caught up in some of this.
	You know, and some of it, you'd find a little bit of love here and there, but a lot of it was just lust.
	You know, a lot of it was just libido fireworks and snapcrackers.
	You know, a lot of it was just a lot of that.
	So it weren't really, you know, you weren't really getting some, but I would be hard on myself.
	I'd be like, man, you keep, you know, I thought you were trying to find somebody.
	I would always be hard on myself.
	So I'll just say this, man.
	If you're going to be on the road, it's going to be really tough.
	It's going to be tough not only for you, but it's going to be tough for whoever you meet.
	So in the meantime, I think, you know, just date if you're able to do that.
	You know, just date.
	You know, if you get into somebody, I don't know if I get it too serious because it's going to be hard.
	And you could easily end up hurting their feelings and hurting your own.
	And I guess, I mean, I'm just saying that for me, man.
	I mean, in the past, I was not able to do it.
	You know, I get on a relationship or get, you know, caught up.
	Some lady, you start holding hands and watching a favorite television show.
	And next thing you know, you know, you don't mind if she got a few whiskers or whatever, and that's where you start feeling some love.
	But then you're out on the road and you still find yourself, you know, trying to talk to the lady that work at the Save a Center, you know, or checking groceries at the Whole Foods, you know, even though she's skinny and her body's a little bit lopsided.
	Maybe she got a hip issue, some dysplatia, but you still find yourself flirting over by the oranges.
	And, you know, it's just, you could put a lot of pressure on yourself.
	You know, so for me, I could never do it, man.
	I was always lying and I was always on the run.
	And I feel bad about it a lot of times.
	For me, I just couldn't do it.
	You know, I would get myself caught up.
	So if you can do it, man, more power to you.
	I think it just takes a strong man, you know, and it takes a brave woman.
	And vice versa, you know, because they're home alone a lot and they're susceptible to meet somebody.
	So for me, if I could go back in time and do some of those things over, I would probably just stay in more of a dating environment.
	You know, and as I've gotten older, that kind of stuff has gotten a little bit easier to deal with because I'm more of an adult.
	But when I was younger, man, that shit was, I mean, that was hell, boy.
	That was straight hell.
	But look, I appreciate you guys calling, man.
	I hate to jump off early tonight, but I think I got to.
	I think I got to, dude.
	Let's hit maybe one more call here.
	One more call here.
	Here we go.
	Hey, Theo.
	Connor calling in here from Louisiana.
	What's up, Connor?
	I'm in Louisiana right now, man.
	Onward.
	I was just calling in with a little problem that I have and something, a pattern that I've noticed that I partake in or have partaken in over the years when it comes to women.
	I will be really interested in a girl.
	And let's say, you know, she begins to start showing interest in me.
	Okay, you're interested.
	She shows interest onward.
	And there's this weird thing that I do where when she begins to show interest in me, then I begin to lose interest in her.
	Could be a little bit of homosexuality, maybe, but let's go here.
	And let's say we go on a date or whatnot, and I'll end up, when she starts showing, like, initiative, I end up getting really turned off, and I don't know what it is.
	And this happened with a girl a few months ago.
	I went out with her, and we went and did some, you know, did a few things.
	I don't want to give too many details, but we went out.
	Probably talking about drugs or actually could be talking about laser tag or something.
	Sorry.
	Homeward.
	On a little date.
	And I went okay.
	And she hit me up to hang back out with her later on.
	And I just kind of self-sabotaged.
	I don't know why.
	And I kind of just stopped showing much interest in her.
	Stopped answering her text messages.
	And then she kind of just went quiet after that.
	All right.
	Sorry.
	We had an audio issue there.
	The battery's fucking shit.
	The farm or whatever.
	Jesus, I'm in my brother's living room.
	I hope I'm not keeping him up.
	I hope one of the kids isn't awake.
	They're sleeping right above this floor.
	If they're hearing this, dude.
	Onward.
	Well, about a few weeks after that, I started thinking to myself, shit, I fucked up.
	That was a really pretty girl that I went to school with.
	And we have a lot in common.
	Why did I do that?
	Well, the other day I saw her out with another guy that I know.
	And it just really made me feel like shit.
	Because, you know, kind of pangs of regret.
	I'm like, why did I sabotage that fucking situation?
	I have no idea.
	I was thinking maybe you could, you know, shed some light on the situation as to why I seem to like, A, be turned off when a girl starts showing interest in me.
	And B, why do I have this tendency to self-sabotage my relationships, even if it's somebody that I think I might like?
	All right, I appreciate the call, man.
	You know what?
	I can relate to some of these behaviors.
	I can relate to some of these behaviors because it seems like you are just going to the next thing.
	Once a girl shows interest, that means it's a girl that you can get, that you are able to get.
	So then you're out looking for something next, you know?
	So that means either you are, it just you, yeah, you're self-sabotaging.
	You're not able to make yourself happy, you know?
	And so it seemed like maybe you're not looking for the right things, you know?
	You're probably not even able to see what some of these women are really like if you're able to move that quickly from one to the next, you know?
	And this is just from experience, man.
	You know, I've missed out on some decent ladies in my life because the second that they were interested, you know, or wanted to catch a little bit of this root, that I'd just leave them in the forest.
	You know, I moved right along.
	There's something sometimes that's once somebody's into us, we're no longer into them.
	You know, and I think sometimes you'll just keep going through this until you find a situation that's equal.
	You know, but I think it would be nice to maybe give yourself a chance to see what it's like if you stayed in it.
	You know, if you just stayed in some of that.
	Let me listen to the end of your call one more time so I can see if I can relate anymore.
	We have a lot in common.
	Why did I do that?
	Well, the other day I saw her out with another guy that I know, and it just really made me feel like shit.
	Yeah, it's just like you want everything.
	You know, it's not like you want it all.
	You know, you want to, you just want it all.
	And look, man, I was there, dude.
	I'd be at a party, and we'd get the beer, and then once we had the beer, we needed to be at, like we'd just get to a party, and if the party was good, I'd be like, oh, there's got to be a better party going on.
	What do you mean there's a better party?
	We fucking live in a small area.
	We were lucky to have any party.
	There weren't no better party.
	Well, I think somebody gots a cannon at, somebody gots a cannon, or somebody doing like fucking mule rides, or they got free cocaine out there.
	I was always thinking there was something better and always wanted more.
	There always had to be, oh, if this, oh, then this, you know.
	Oh, we got a van?
	Oh, then we should get a water slide.
	You know, oh, we got a water slide.
	We should get a fucking, we should get a, you know, a damn grenade.
	You know, it was always you had to, there was something, and I needed something better every time.
	It was nothing was ever enough.
	Nothing was ever enough.
	There was never any, oh, I'm just happy to have this.
	So maybe some of that's it, man.
	And then, of course, you're going to feel bad because your brain's telling you you want everything.
	Your brain's telling you, oh, you got to have everything.
	You know, you should have this.
	You should have that.
	Oh, she likes you.
	Oh, there's got to be somebody else that likes you.
	You know, it sounds like your brain is taking control of you.
	So it might be nice to find some ways to try and battle that brain.
	You know, find some gratitude.
	You know, I make a gratitude list, man.
	I probably do it five days a week.
	It just reminds me to be a little bit more, it slows my brain down a little to be a little bit more grateful for what's actually in front of me or at least think about it.
	And it can be simple things.
	You know, I'm grateful for so-and-so and a reason why.
	That's what I write.
	Like, you know, I'm grateful for Diana, you know, because she, you know, she stopped by my work the other day and brought me a snack.
	You know, when she does that, it makes me feel like somebody cares about me.
	Like gay shit like that, man, but it also makes me feel good.
	You know, when that kind of stuff happens, you just got to remind yourself.
	So you got to remind yourself, I think, of things that are, you know, a little bit of gratitude because that can slow you down.
	And then you're not constantly thinking of what else can I have because you'll have a little bit more appreciation for things you do have.
	Now, with that said, you also might be homosexual.
	You know, you might be into cutting up some of that male butt.
	You know, you might be thinking of some of that man, you know, that man back.
	You know, you might be thinking of just, you know, being deep into another man and just kissing his spine at the same time.
	You know, I don't know.
	There also could be some of that.
	So if you want to investigate maybe, you know, and I'm not saying you need to be with another man, but if there's a friend you have who is open to at least just lying next to each other, you know, in swimming trunks or in, you know, some loose-fitting jeans, something like that, and just seeing what it feels like if even the sides of y'all's arms or sides of y'all's legs are next to each other.
	And I would take that in a slow measure, but if the side of your arm feels okay next to him, then touch your leg against his leg.
	I'm not saying anything crazy.
	I'm not saying genitalia, but I'm just saying, you know, feel that vibe out because you might have that homosexual activity going through your blood.
	And you might want to, that might be something you're into.
	Because in the meantime, you'll find women forever.
	You know, of course, it's not this woman.
	It's not this woman.
	It's not this woman.
	It's not any of the women because your libido might be hunting for a man.
	You know, hunting for that, you know, more like chromosome.
	You know, somebody whose body mirrors your own.
	And that's going to be probably a male body.
	So that could be it, man.
	So that would be the two things I would try maybe to see what's going on.
	I would try to be more gracious for what's going on, people you're meeting, you know, and I do that by having a gratitude list.
	Or I would try homosexuality and see if that fits you.
	You know, that might be your glass slipper.
	But we've talked a lot about it tonight, man.
	We've talked a lot about it today or whatever day it is, whenever you're taking this in, about sexuality and what's going on.
	And I think we're a little bit on a new horizon there.
	And I think you have to really ask yourself, what do you want?
	And not be afraid to try it.
	If you want to try, we all service the, we all fit somewhere in the sex world.
	You know, some people like, you know, tons of sex.
	Some people don't like any.
	But just don't let the world or the environment or somebody else tell you how you should be sexually because that's where you start going astray.
	And I've been there.
	You know, I remember actually one of the first times I ever partied on drugs, I was here in Baton Rouge.
	And I caught me some cocaine and somebody said it was performance enhancing drug.
	So I went for a run.
	I'm thinking performance enhancing.
	I'll go for a run.
	And I ran eight miles on a couple grams of cocaine.
	You know, I'd pull off this runway, this, you know, track I was running on, you know, or this, just went all around the city.
	And I would pull off and do me a couple bumps out in the, you know, out in the palm fronds or out in the woods and then jump back on that track and keep running.
	And I was wearing a pair of orange umbros, you know, and just running.
	Dude, I was running so fucking fast, boy.
	Because I'm thinking this shit is performance enhancing.
	And I'm about to up my annie.
	You know, I probably did a damn four-minute mile, son, you know, running on cocaine and umbros.
	But half that time, I was probably thinking about leg, thinking about trim, thinking about ladies.
	You know, we all got something that motivates us, you know, and we all have somewhere where we fit in in the sexual universe.
	And that's okay.
	You know, but we just, I think it is cool.
	I think it is good and healthy to ask ourselves what that really is and be confident in it.
	You know, if you want to try something new, try something new.
	And if someone thinks you're weird for trying something, fuck them.
	They're not brave for, then they're weak for not trying it.
	You know, because it's really, it's a wild game these days when it comes to sex, you know?
	And I think that everybody, you know, to each their own.
	You know, but don't be afraid to be asexual.
	Don't be afraid to, you know, to get on that elevator, that sex, that vertical sex trolley.
	You know, even if the black hammer's in there, you know, putting that white crotch to sleep.
	You know, don't be afraid to try.
	Don't be afraid to get out there.
	All right, man, I got to shut this down this week.
	I'll see you guys next week.
	And I'll talk to you guys soon.
	There will be links at the bottom of the episode on YouTube.
	Thank you guys so much for your support.
	Have a great week, man.
	Thank you, guys.
	Celebrate living.
	Celebrate misery.
	You know that soon we're gonna die.
	Let's have some fun while we're alive.
	I believe...
	All right, man you guys be good man be good to yourselves Huh?
	I bet y'all deserve it man.
	Thank you Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite and welcome to Kite Club a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events stand-up stories and seven ways to pleasure your partner The answer may shock you sometimes I'll interview my friends sometimes I won't and as always I'll be joined by the voices in my head you have three new voice messages A lot of people are talking about kite club I've been talking about kite club for so
	long longer than anybody else so great Hi, Sweet.
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	Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.
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