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April 23, 2023 - Timcast IRL - Tim Pool
53:05
Sunday Uncensored: Ryan Long & Danny Polishchuk Members Only Podcast

Tim & Co join Ryan Long & Danny Polishchuk for a spicy bonus segment usually only available on Timcast.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Participants
Main voices
d
danny polishchuck
09:21
r
ryan long
16:34
t
tim pool
15:35
Appearances
i
ian crossland
04:07
| Copy link to current segment

Speaker Time Text
tim pool
Welcome to our special weekend show, Sunday Uncensored.
Every week, we produce four uncensored episodes of the TimCast IRL podcast exclusively at TimCast.com, and we're gonna bring you the most important for our weekend show.
If you wanna check out more segments just like this, become a member at TimCast.com.
Now, enjoy the show.
Stuff's not on?
Oh, is it on?
Is, uh, are we, uh, okay, we're good?
Here's my plan!
We buy a WNBA team.
ryan long
Okay.
tim pool
And then we fire all of the women and hire men.
danny polishchuck
Oh, I like it.
You know, there's, um, we were just talking about it earlier today in Australia, because you know how everyone's like, oh, what is it?
Like there's, uh, in Australia, there's a league there and they're having the first trans woman play basketball.
tim pool
Wait, what?
Really?
danny polishchuck
Yeah.
And you know, Andrew Bogut?
unidentified
No.
danny polishchuck
You know who he is?
He's, uh, he's like a big Twitter guy.
He was the number one draft pick in the NBA draft.
Like he's Australian and, uh, played for the Golden State Warriors, won an NBA championship.
He's been tweeting about it and he's like, everybody's lighting them up for being like this animal.
You know, this monster, and he's just like, yeah, I don't think this is a good idea.
tim pool
Wait, they're having a guy play in the WNBA?
danny polishchuck
A trans woman, yeah.
tim pool
Oh, that's fucking awesome.
danny polishchuck
Not WNBA, the Australian version of it.
tim pool
Oh, fuck yeah.
Remember that Australian rugby dude who was like 6'3", but he was a woman, and then he started like trampling and crushing him, dude?
I'm like, yeah, you fuck him up!
And he was like, boom!
danny polishchuck
I have a question, because we talked about this recently.
Did you think we'd still be talking about this?
tim pool
On the after show?
danny polishchuck
No, like in 2023.
tim pool
Fuck yeah, dude!
danny polishchuck
Really?
tim pool
Bro, I said in like 2018, when wokeness, I was like, wait until you see what happens when the woke bullshit reaches, we didn't say woke, we said like the social justice stuff reaches sports.
danny polishchuck
Yeah.
tim pool
Because the rules in all of our sports are arbitrary.
Like we could just make a rule saying the team has to be half women.
danny polishchuck
I mean, sex and gender is apparently arbitrary.
tim pool
Well, that's the point.
So, like, if the rules for basketball are like, okay, the rim has to be this high... Why?
ryan long
Yeah, why does it have to be that high?
unidentified
We just decided.
tim pool
We set the standards.
Okay, well, I got a new rule.
At least three women on each team.
ryan long
Yeah.
No, you're right.
ian crossland
Always at least.
ryan long
Well, I was like, we were sort of saying this earlier, but like, do you know how there's like the Adam Sandler movie where he's the scout or like the replacements, you know, those movies and like Juana man.
Yeah.
I love, we're loving the idea of like a, like a movie about a scout for a WNBA team, but she's just scouting like Brooklyn places where it's like, you know, someone just transitioned and it's like, he sees them throw the, you know, the garbage in the trash can.
He's like, Only scouting for people that just transitioned.
Like, the way that they scout for tall people in, like, Africa or whatever.
tim pool
But better than that, it's they just go up to a guy who's in a dress and they're like, you want to be in the WNBA?
And he goes, I never played basketball before.
Like, trust me, that doesn't matter.
ryan long
Not gonna matter.
unidentified
That's what they always say about basketball, you can't teach height.
tim pool
Would you go to see a WNBA game ever?
ryan long
If they put a trans person and the trans person was dominating, I would go a bunch.
danny polishchuck
I'll say this, okay?
As much as they get shit on, they're very good.
It's just, they're still not as good as the best high school basketball male players.
unidentified
But they are very good at basketball, but it just sucks to watch, because they can't dunk.
danny polishchuck
You're just like, this is just not great.
A product.
tim pool
They can't dunk?
ryan long
He has a joke about this, but he says they should lower the nets.
danny polishchuck
Yeah, they should lower the nets.
And a lot of women have actually said, we should lower the nets.
tim pool
Is that why they can't dunk?
Because they're just too weak?
ryan long
They're not, can't jump high enough.
danny polishchuck
I mean, men, women have, are just shorter.
ryan long
But also it's a power thing, they can't jump high enough.
danny polishchuck
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
ian crossland
Like a twitch, muscle twitch fiber.
ryan long
Yeah, exactly.
danny polishchuck
Look, there are a couple women in the WNBA who could like, on a fast break, can dunk.
But also, yeah, they're like, it's just, it's not good to watch.
But like, they're great shooters and like ball handlers and stuff.
Like, you know, but yeah, it's just not great.
But yeah, I would go see like a New York Liberty game if someone gave me tickets.
tim pool
There you go.
ian crossland
Dead silence.
ryan long
What an endorsement.
danny polishchuck
I would go watch that weird indoor wrestling that's like we watch in a church or something.
ryan long
I'd rather watch indoor wrestling.
danny polishchuck
Yeah, but you're like, I'll go if someone gives me tickets.
ryan long
I know what you're saying.
ian crossland
Bugs are out of control.
ryan long
No, the reason people shit on it is because it's like anything.
No one cares as much until it's sort of like people go, it's actually better, and you go, well now it's funny to make fun of.
danny polishchuck
And I had a joke about it when I was talking about it, because they're saying they're equal or whatever, and I'm like, they play with a smaller ball, but the rim is the same.
tim pool
Is it really?
danny polishchuck
It's a smaller ball?
The WNBA is a smaller ball, but the rim is the same.
So it's literally easier to get in the basket.
tim pool
Remember when the women's soccer team played against those 14-year-old boys and lost?
danny polishchuck
Yeah.
And yet there's no advantage.
ryan long
When I was playing hockey, there was a couple times when I played men's league that the game that we played a few times, like NHL players would come on the offseason, and NHL players...
would basically it was kind of like no, even if it was like, you know, fourth string guy, it was like, this guy could
basically score as many goals as he wanted to kind of thing.
And there was a couple times that the top a woman in the whatever it WM NHL is that what it's called? I don't know.
But though and she was on the Olympic team and all this stuff
she played, and she was the best player on the ice. Yeah, but it
wasn't like she could just dominate it with a No, and they don't hit.
But she was the best player on the ice.
unidentified
I mean, she's not like the craziest.
ryan long
She's the men's league hockey, but like, you know, there was some good players.
She was still the best by far, but it was the men's guy.
If you want to score 10 goals, you can score 10 goals.
tim pool
I forgot to mention that we're on the uncensored show now, so you guys are allowed to be funny.
unidentified
I was gonna say, you're just like, we start the show and you're just like, fucking shit, fuck, fuck, fuck!
I saw that too, I was like, Tim Pool unleashed!
tim pool
That's what we do.
It's like the kids are in bed, the YouTube censors can't get us.
ian crossland
This is the shit where it's on TimCast.com, 10 bucks a month, subscribers can watch.
tim pool
And we can say shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker.
unidentified
It's great.
tim pool
George Carlin, love it.
ryan long
We would probably do better in algorithms if we just toned it down a little bit.
ian crossland
I don't know.
I think you guys are doing it right.
I mean, it's fire.
How was working with Joe Rogan?
I saw you on the show.
ryan long
I'm with him.
ian crossland
It's nice to see you guys hittin' it off.
ryan long
Yeah, yeah.
No, yeah, we did do the show.
I'm gonna go to Austin.
Did you go to the Mothership when you were there?
I'm gonna go next month.
tim pool
We checked out the lobby, because it was closed when we were... I'm gonna pop down there next time.
ian crossland
I was so happy to see that place.
tim pool
But all the shows have sold out.
All of them.
ryan long
Oh, hell yeah, dude.
tim pool
Yeah, it's crazy.
danny polishchuck
And I heard they don't honor scalper tickets, so... Smart.
There's all these people showing up, and then they can't get in, and then... But there's like this rush line, so all these people actually came.
ryan long
It's like The Cellar.
ian crossland
The Vulcan did that too.
ryan long
I mean, The Comedy Cellar sells out 28 shows a weekend right now.
tim pool
But, you know, I just think that... They have a line for... I'm going to open a comedy club right next to the Comedy Mothership, knowing nothing about comedy at all.
Just, you know, because I want to fit in.
ryan long
Famous last words, dude.
tim pool
Famous last words.
ryan long
Yeah, then you're like, OK, you know what?
Maybe there is some things that, like, I would... Can an agency do this?
tim pool
I wanna do Kill Tony.
Everyone's doing it.
ian crossland
You guys do Kill Tony?
ryan long
Yeah, a couple times, yeah.
ian crossland
I wanna do that show.
ryan long
That's fun.
The whole vibe there is cool, and Austin, and it also, it's not just comedy, it's comedy, it's like, podcasting, it's also like, tech, and you know, I think that there's been waves of that, but right now, there's a huge vibe of anyone that's like, either tech-adjacent, like, crypto-adjacent, fuckin', you know, comedy, podcasting, it's like, you gotta come here.
Like, it's very, that's the vibe of very, it's like, yo, you gotta move here, we're bumpin', I feel the energy.
ian crossland
We were just down there, and people, I hung out with Michael Malice, and we had a party at his house, and I met all these amazing people, and they were like, you gotta move here.
You are an Austin man.
ryan long
It's a little, it's a scene.
tim pool
No.
ryan long
I know you don't like that.
tim pool
I actually do like that.
They just locked the guy up because he was defending himself from lunatics.
ryan long
You're saying Austin?
unidentified
Yeah.
ian crossland
It's dirty.
ryan long
But none of that stuff affects most people on day to day.
tim pool
Bro, I'm telling you, West Virginia's where it's at because the state is so in need of industry, in need of, like, economic like growth. Yeah. There's a tremendous
opportunity to do a free state kind of deal here.
So you like, you know, they do the Free State Project up in New Hampshire.
Okay. I think it'd be easier to do in West Virginia. The libertarian. So I feel like it's
ryan long
the same conversation we had before and like a different way. And there's obviously a middle
ground. But like for like Peter, if Peter Thiel and like, you know, Elon Musk and three people
like we're moving our factories to Austin.
Like, that's like a precedent and everyone starts moving.
If, like, some guy that runs, like, a hundred million dollar company was like, we're doing it in New Hampshire!
It's like, he would just move there and he'd be like, come on, guys!
tim pool
Well, I don't want to go to Austin for that reason.
Joe Rogan brought all the Democrats with him.
He didn't bring conservatives.
ian crossland
But he brought a lot of like creative, funny, awesome people.
tim pool
That's what I like about him.
ryan long
I've never lived in like a red suit.
tim pool
So what people don't realize is, I said this before, when Joe Rogan, he's a good dude.
When he goes to Austin, he makes Austin better.
But all these people, and Elon Musk the same, the people who work in the periphery of this industry are not based.
They are woke.
And they're going, the money's in Austin, and so now woke people are coming out.
Granted, we're seeing Texas shift redder, and hopefully this guy gets pardoned, this Daniel Perry dude.
danny polishchuck
Oh yeah, that's the dude who's been shot in the arm or whatever?
tim pool
Yeah, I like Austin.
There's a lot of really awesome shit about it.
I just don't want to be in a big city.
It's too expensive.
We were looking at properties to do a satellite studio so that we could come down to Austin because there's so many people there.
ryan long
It's so fucking expensive!
tim pool
It's like five to twenty times the price for real estate.
ryan long
You wouldn't be a happy camper if you found out what I paid for my places.
tim pool
But I'll keep looking.
ryan long
It's like cowboys, you know, it's like the Silicon Valley, they all move there where it was free and then, you know, it becomes popular and then it becomes less free and then they find a new place and it like kind of, you know, there's like cycles.
But if you're a cowboy, I think...
tim pool
Sure, so I've said that, like— You owe a million dollars for a three-bedroom?
ryan long
Fuck off!
You owe a million dollars for a three-bedroom?
Like, okay.
I mean, did you inherit it?
danny polishchuck
New York City is like a studio.
tim pool
Yeah, you're not getting a million dollars for a three-bedroom.
We're an hour from three major airports, BWI, DCA, and IAD.
We've got several major cities.
You're a couple hours away.
We're 15 minutes from Frederick, 300,000 people.
You're 45 minutes to an hour from D.C., if you want to go to D.C.
Philadelphia is only a few hours.
Pittsburgh's two hours, where we are right now.
And you can buy a three-bedroom house for 200k.
A good, nice house.
And you don't got to worry about Black Lives Matter.
You can have your own chickens.
So I'm looking at Austin and I'm like, a million bucks for this house?
ryan long
But you need to be where be where the people in your industry are for some
industries.
For some you don't, you know what I mean?
But for some people like proximity, like the truth is like you can be trying
to get venture funds, you know, living in the middle of nowhere, but if you're trying-
danny polishchuck
Yeah, if someone wanted to start what you guys are doing here, like, you know,
you have to be where the people are.
ryan long
No one would ever be a guest.
danny polishchuck
Yeah, they wouldn't come here.
ian crossland
I keep thinking, I'm like, God, I love the city.
I love the activity.
I love the creation and the positive, like the hope.
ryan long
There's a vibe of like, just like people that want to like win and like, you know, everyone moved to these cities to like try to do something great.
Like there's just, you know, you're around like greatness and some expect it rubs off on you.
ian crossland
And then the lady was shitting on the ground outside of the Vulcan.
So like, and it smelled like pee all downtown.
And I was like, God damn it.
ryan long
I guess I'm still used to that.
danny polishchuck
I mean, I saw a guy the week I moved to New York City, I'll never forget this.
This guy was walking around, he's wearing track pants.
He was like kind of like disheveled, like look like kind of like not all there or whatever.
And his track pants were tucked into his socks.
And then and there was like a shit stain on the back of his gray track.
And then I was like, and because I thought he had like a gout kind of situation.
And then I was like, oh, he shit.
unidentified
Yeah.
And it filled up the sock.
danny polishchuck
It's like, it filled this area up.
ryan long
So that's proving Tim's point, for sure.
ian crossland
So I'm like, well, I think buy a house in West Virginia, go to Austin once every couple of weeks, or every couple of months, or a week, a month, or something.
I mean, there's a- Okay, okay, hold on.
ryan long
It depends on what you want to accomplish.
To be fair, to be fair.
tim pool
What are you optimizing for?
30, 40 minutes north of Austin, they got three bedrooms for $400.
ian crossland
That's where everyone's at.
ryan long
That's where people keep, that's where- I went to, you guys know J.P.
Sears, I went to his house and I was like, zillowing the houses around there.
tim pool
And in my mind- He's in Austin?
ryan long
Yeah.
In my mind, I was looking at these houses and I was like, oh, these people are like, like if this was New York, you'd be like, oh, this is the CEO of like all of the oil companies.
unidentified
J.D.
Morgan.
ryan long
Yeah, you know what I mean?
And you're like there and you look and it was like, you know, some of these houses in the suburbs, not his specifically, but I'm just like a bunch of them, you know, you're like mansion and you're just like $7.50.
danny polishchuck
Yeah, he had a gorgeous, gorgeous house, and it was like, yeah.
ryan long
Well, we don't know what his house cost, obviously.
unidentified
No, I remember around that area, specifically.
ian crossland
It's like being on YouTube and having your foot in the battleground.
That's like having property in a big city like Austin.
There's a massive value to that shit, man.
ryan long
We should set up like a show down there.
A lot of people that's the move is like, you are in the city, you build something, and then you become sustaining enough that you don't need the benefits of the city anymore and you get the hell out of there.
I mean, that's kind of the trajectory for a lot of people.
danny polishchuck
New York is generally a transitory place for most people.
It's a stop.
tim pool
You know what, man, we got this club and this coffee shop we're putting together in West Virginia, and you guys are going to be begging to come to West Virginia.
You're going to be like, Tim, Tim, I'm like, get out of here!
ryan long
You'd have to open 25 comedy clubs, like New York's one.
tim pool
50 people in there and you're going to be begging to come.
ryan long
But we didn't move to New York because I don't think either of us are like, Oh, the light!
It was more just like that.
ian crossland
I hate New York!
ryan long
That's the center of the world for comedy, right?
I literally hate it!
It's like if I wanted to be in fashion, I would move to Los Angeles, New York, or Paris, or whatever.
We do this show.
ian crossland
It's awesome.
The most amazing people come to the house.
But when we were in Austin, we did a live performance.
And after the show, the crowd was grabbing me, wanted to do photos, talking to me for like an hour.
It was the most invigorating thing I've experienced in years.
I have to smile on my face.
ryan long
Yeah, we do that five times a night.
ian crossland
The next morning I woke up and my face was still smiling.
It was like I wasn't trying to.
ryan long
When I stop doing that, when I have to step away from stand-up, I do find that I get kind of messed up in the head because it's such an ingrained center of my being from the last 15 years.
ian crossland
I think that's a big part of winning the culture war.
This crazy, like, who's trying to control people's minds?
It's you are with the people.
When you are with the people, becoming one with the crowd.
ryan long
You're so right.
And I've always said that, like, that's why, you know, people, a lot of times, you know, comedians are tapped in because you're just like, I know in real time, like what normal people think.
Like, I know what a room of people in every city thinks, like, right now, you know what I mean?
Not, like, not four days ago, not like, oh, this kind of, this thing's getting popular, this thing's, I know, like, right now, if I say this, do people agree with it or do people kind of go, yeah, duh, or do people go, wait, what?
Like, I know what's the vibe of, like, your average person in every city, you know what I mean?
danny polishchuck
You can really take the temperature, like, real time.
ian crossland
Is there much of a comedy scene in D.C.?
unidentified
Yeah.
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ryan long
There's a really good comedy club.
Every city has a scene.
danny polishchuck
Yeah, every city has a scene to some degree, but it's just like New York City and then LA.
ryan long
Showcase clubs is what I mean.
danny polishchuck
That is the major leagues, right?
ryan long
That's a good way to put it, yeah.
danny polishchuck
Of comedy.
Just like if you want to be a professional soccer player, you go to Europe.
It doesn't matter where you're from.
If you want to be the best soccer player in the world, you go to Europe.
If you want to be the best comedian in the world, you go to New York.
ryan long
If you want to be on Broadway, yeah, they have Broadway in Idaho, but if you want to be a Broadway star, you move to New York.
ian crossland
What are the best venues in New York?
ryan long
The Comedy Cellars are probably, you know, top one.
ian crossland
Who owns that?
ryan long
The Stand, the New York Comedy Club, Brooklyn Comedy Club.
I mean, there's 45 venues.
ian crossland
Oh, I did stand up at the New York Comedy Club.
ryan long
You didn't?
Yeah, we did.
We were there together.
18 years ago.
ian crossland
No, no, I was there in like 2001.
ryan long
I was at Stand Up New York with Tim.
That's where we went, Stand Up New York.
tim pool
Stand Up New York?
ryan long
Yeah.
We went after the Mines thing.
We went to Stand Up New York and then we did like a little show right beside where me, Alex Stein did a set and then we all went upstairs and we had a party.
You were there.
danny polishchuck
Remember the after party after the Mines thing at the Beacon Theater?
No.
ryan long
Remember, you were flying back the next day.
danny polishchuck
You didn't stay very long.
ryan long
There was a big debacle that night, and then you came.
Oh, right, right, right.
tim pool
Upstairs.
danny polishchuck
The upstairs thing.
tim pool
I didn't know you did a set there.
danny polishchuck
That was a comedy club.
ryan long
Yeah, that guy owns a comedy club.
Then he owned it with James Altucher.
tim pool
That was just because James O'Keefe shoved me into a car, and then we drove there.
ryan long
You got brought there, yeah.
tim pool
That was a comedy club.
And then when we were leaving, all these people were screaming, like, Tim, Tim.
And then I was like, uh, I don't know.
And then James Graffy shoved me into the car.
And I'm like, whatever you say, James, tell me what to do.
ryan long
Yeah.
tim pool
Because James is like, Tim, you're gonna get shot.
Get the fuck in the car.
That is wild.
But you were at a comedy club, so.
Can I just rip the smiles off your guys' face?
ian crossland
Every day, dude!
ryan long
Again?
tim pool
Ryan's laughing over.
I'm like, no, no, no.
Take a look at this story.
We'll just talk about this for a few minutes before we go to our callers.
The TikTok algorithm made a kid kill himself.
So this kid, he kills himself, and the mom opens his TikTok account and finds that even though her son was searching for like, he was, what was he searching for?
She said it was like cheeseburgers and football.
ryan long
It's not about what you're searching for, it's about what you watch, right?
tim pool
Batman basketball weightlifting and motivational speeches.
TikTok showed him instead.
People saying death is good.
People saying they want to kill themselves, people saying good, and just thousands of videos inundating his feed telling him to kill himself, and then he did.
He walked in front of a train.
danny polishchuck
TikTok is literally the CCP being like, kill yourself.
tim pool
What the fuck?
ryan long
Enough's enough.
ian crossland
Did this just happen?
This is new?
tim pool
It's a new story, yeah.
ryan long
You want to really show her?
danny polishchuck
I mentioned this on the main show actually tonight, this specific thing.
ian crossland
Damn.
This is fucking vile.
danny polishchuck
Yeah, that they were like straight up like you're just like all this like pro suicide stuff, like all this emo bullshit.
tim pool
And I'm just like, I don't know.
ryan long
What are you supposed to do?
ian crossland
You gotta force them to free their software.
I think rather than try and be like smash it with a hammer, you say you can open up your software code so we can see the algorithm, what it's doing, and then you can operate in the United States.
If you refuse, then you're shot.
ryan long
What do you think, just ban it?
tim pool
Yeah, because that's like saying Like, I don't agree with banning drugs outright because you're talking about multiple different sources of drugs.
You're talking about natural things that exist that you can't really control that well, and the best thing to do is to regulate them to a certain degree.
I don't think people should go to prison for doing drugs, they should get rehabilitation for doing drugs.
TikTok is a singular company that is taking an action.
So, here's my point.
Don't ban guns, ban the guy, ban people from going around and shooting you in the face with a gun.
ryan long
TikTok- But couldn't you say ban the suicide content, if that was your stance?
tim pool
Yeah, for sure.
danny polishchuck
I mean, again, it's crazy that that's just not part of their content moderation.
ryan long
I'm sure it is.
I bet you it is to some degree.
danny polishchuck
I mean, you are constantly having the most benign things removed for literally hate speech.
tim pool
On TikTok?
ryan long
It seems like most platforms you gotta be worried about saying suicide stuff.
I have a joke about suicide that's not that crazy and it got taken off everywhere.
Including TikTok.
tim pool
Tell the joke.
ryan long
It was, it was like the different, it was like men's suicide, girl suicide.
It was like, it was like dudes are like, you know, all ended and girls are like, uh, if, oh fuck.
Uh, I can't remember.
unidentified
You got it.
danny polishchuck
It's on YouTube somewhere.
ryan long
Yeah, but I don't know.
It was something to it.
And then there was a part that I don't know if it was on this exact special, but it was like something about girls couldn't be suicide bombers because they'd be like, oh, which bomb should I use?
Which plane should I take?
Or whatever.
It was some kind of version of that.
But it was like all that kind of stuff.
It was like girls can't make a decision and blah, blah, blah.
But that got taken down up everywhere.
tim pool
Women world leaders in war, you know, versus male world leaders.
ryan long
Well, if women actually, I actually do believe there'd be less war if women were in charge because they wouldn't have enough money to spend on the war after that deficit got so out of control.
unidentified
Women be shopping!
Women be shopping!
tim pool
I thought you were just gonna say there won't be enough money for war after they spend all the money on handbags Women politicians be spending!
ryan long
Women be redistributing!
danny polishchuck
They be running deficits!
tim pool
Look at AOC.
She's like deficit spend to pay the healthcare bills.
Running the credit card up again.
danny polishchuck
But you like, you know, the bill that they passed or not passed, uh, proposed for the restrict act.
unidentified
Yeah.
Or whatever.
danny polishchuck
And they're like, everybody's like all the stuff in there.
It seemed like way, way worse to pass that bill for all the, you know, that was the bills, like a scam, right?
unidentified
Yeah.
danny polishchuck
They're essentially like, this is so crazy.
Uh, like how much is going to violate, you know, in order for you to ban.
tim pool
So that's bullshit.
But I'm saying like, just be surgical about it and say, fuck tick tock, you know?
danny polishchuck
Yeah.
tim pool
Should we go to callers?
For sure.
We'll go to callers and um... Sounds like it's not happening though, right?
ian crossland
Like it seems like... Restrict X dead in the water.
ryan long
Not gonna happen, right?
ian crossland
I don't know.
I don't think so.
ryan long
So is it just like all fucking talk?
ian crossland
No, it would have passed.
danny polishchuck
They wrote a thing that was like, how many hundreds of pages?
tim pool
But we stopped them.
We, we, we, we whinged enough to where they backed up.
unidentified
Yeah.
tim pool
Lindsey Graham got made fun of and he's like, I'm not sponsoring that.
And they're like, yeah, you are.
ian crossland
Speaking of Lindsey, are you still fucking sponsored?
tim pool
Let's get callers, callers, callers.
Who do we got?
unidentified
All right.
danny polishchuck
We'll do Russian colluder first or Russia colluder.
ryan long
It sounds fun.
unidentified
What's up?
You're with us.
Hey, what's up guys.
How's it going?
ryan long
Pretty good.
unidentified
I had a question for Ryan and Danny about some of their content.
I was wondering if you guys ever run into any people in some of your on-the-street videos who may not take very well to the subject matter, like encounters that might get a little spicy, stuff that doesn't make the final cut to YouTube.
And if so, you got any good war stories you could share with us?
ryan long
I feel like I do include most of it probably but like the truth was when I was younger it was like some of the old stuff was like my because you kind of get better at it and I was like and funnier like when I was young the only game in town was like let's do something till we get kicked out.
danny polishchuck
Yeah but I will say though don't you remember like right when we moved to New York?
So I was actually, Ryan was like, hey, can you just help me film a thing in Union Square?
So I was filming.
We just moved to New York.
And I was like, I never am behind the camera.
unidentified
And I'm saying, do hot dogs make you gay?
danny polishchuck
And the guy was like threatening to stab Ryan in the eye with a pencil.
unidentified
And I was like, all right.
ryan long
And he was pretty serious.
danny polishchuck
I was like, this shit's too spicy for me.
I'm out of here.
ryan long
Yeah.
Because when I was, when I felt like when I was younger, I was like, you're more crazy where I was just like, you like want that.
Like almost like you're like, if a guy punched me, awesome.
Like, you know what I mean?
You just kind of, oh, if I get arrested, like, Whatever it is, that's what you want.
Now I feel like, in my fucking 30s, if I was in Union Square getting beat up and I'm kind of popular and people are filming it, it's almost maybe a little embarrassing.
So that's why I feel like I try to be more like clever than just like, wait, trying to get a guy to beat me up now.
But back in the day, that was one of my biggest, so this is my biggest technique is, and this is the last thing I'll say, I feel like I'm going on forever, but my biggest technique was, and I pride myself in, is that I used to be a professional at when cops came, I could take the memory card out of the camera and replace it with a different memory card without looking.
And I had that like, I had that down to a science.
So I'd have a memory card in my sock.
And while the cops were talking, I would take the camera and I could do, you know, like magicians.
I could, I could take the old memory card, put the other one out and then show them that I'm deleting the card.
And I did that in front of cops.
When I was a kid, that was like one of my moves that I was like a magician with.
ian crossland
Do you still have the pencil guy?
ryan long
That one's on YouTube.
Does eating a hot dog make you gay?
unidentified
No, but that was also the one with that day we did the... Was that that day?
danny polishchuck
The titties with Kamala Harris.
ryan long
It was a couple days we did that, so I don't know if it was exactly on that day.
danny polishchuck
I remember, no, it was right around there, because that was the only day I remember.
ryan long
When the ladies flipped out, but that one's on YouTube.
I usually put them up, yeah.
tim pool
Right on.
Did that satisfy your question?
unidentified
That's some next level adaptation right there, for sure.
That's why you guys are killing it.
ryan long
Oh yeah, thanks, brother.
tim pool
Right on, man.
Thanks for calling.
ian crossland
Yes.
unidentified
I had a hard time phrasing this question, but anyone can answer it.
Flayer the hate-bound. That's sick. What's up? You're with us man player. I imagine you're a man
Hey guys, how's it going? Can you hear me? Yeah Awesome, um, so I had a hard time
Phrasing this question, but Anyone can answer it. So it's like the possible banning of
tick-tock Why do you think it's already banned for government
officials if they already know that It's Chinese spyware
If the banning gets blocked, doesn't that seem like there's something going on that's contradicting?
Yeah.
tim pool
Because, you know, in Chicago, politicians are allowed to have guns, but you're not.
In the United States, they've banned government officials from using TikTok because they know it's gonna fuck you up and it's gonna steal your data, but they don't give a shit about the rest of us.
ryan long
They did the same thing with BlackBerry.
tim pool
They banned it for the government?
ryan long
Back in the day.
danny polishchuck
Remember Obama couldn't have a BlackBerry?
Remember he had a BlackBerry and he was like crying about it because he said it wasn't safe.
Yeah, they're like, it's not secure.
ian crossland
Oh, really?
danny polishchuck
Yeah, I think like for the government thing, it's more of just like over safety kind of thing.
Like they're just being overly cautious.
ian crossland
Who knows?
Part of the reason why they haven't banned it for the U.S.
population is because of the blowback that would occur.
danny polishchuck
I mean, there's 150 million users in America.
Half the people have TikTok.
tim pool
That's not real.
danny polishchuck
There's no way that's true.
I feel like that's not real either, but that's the figure that they provide.
ian crossland
A bunch of bots and shit.
danny polishchuck
I mean, you can have multiple accounts for sure.
What is that?
ian crossland
This is like a duster for your computer keyboard, and then that's the fucking flying UFO.
danny polishchuck
Yeah, I know what the flying UFO thing is.
ian crossland
That's why I think banning TikTok isn't the right move, because it'll piss off so many people and they'll try and they'll retaliate, not retaliate.
ryan long
They did ban the ones here, though.
I mean, to me, just from like whatever philosophy you have, like, it's not that crazy that they're like, hey, you're not allowed to have our companies.
We're not.
danny polishchuck
China bans all sorts of apps.
ryan long
They ban Facebook and they have to make their own China ones.
ian crossland
Yeah, they ban mines.
ryan long
Yeah, so it's kind of like, there is something about, if you're a country, you can be like, if you ban our stuff, we'll ban your stuff.
tim pool
Why are we letting China drive our kids to suicide?
ian crossland
Why are we letting them fly balloons over our country?
What the fuck is going on?
I think that, but rather than smash it and shut it down and cause people to backlash, you make them shut themselves down.
ryan long
Or make it have, like, be an American company that's like... Well, wasn't the whole thing with Trump where he's like, Walmart was gonna buy...
danny polishchuck
Remember when they were like, Walmart's gonna buy the American TikTok, and then it was like, Adobe or something?
ryan long
Well, yeah, because the TikTok guy, when he did the thing, they're basically like, hey, like, do you, did you talk to the Chinese, like, Xi Jinping before this interview?
And he like, was like, well, I don't, did I talk to him?
Like, he had a lot of people.
unidentified
What do you mean by talk?
danny polishchuck
He had a lot of people in China.
tim pool
Did I move and sounds came out?
Maybe?
You know, is that talking?
unidentified
I don't know.
ryan long
Like, kind of what happened.
danny polishchuck
Pretty common name in China.
ryan long
Yeah, exactly.
Well, it's like because, you know, the government can tell their company what to do, so whatever.
I guess that's a different thing from what you guys are saying to some degree, but... Oh, they own those companies.
unidentified
I mean, not wholly, but... Well, it just seems odd to me that, like, they're worried about, you know, the military or whoever... Well, yeah, they're like, you're worried about your secrets.
But, like, hundreds of millions of Americans use TikTok every day.
You have certain people who know more than others, and they're not concerned about that.
Subway.
tim pool
If you're on the subway in New York City, everybody's on their phones.
A lot of people are on TikTok.
I talk to the average person and I'll be like you guys use tik-tok and look that does what I'll tell you one thing
unidentified
They'll go on a plane you I don't know way like if you're on the subway in New York City like you everybody's on
ryan long
their Phone there are a lot of people talk. Yeah more so than
ian crossland
other ones in my opinion Wow Well that over 150 million users in the United States, but
I bet a lot of that's a cow That's accounts.
ryan long
Multiple accounts.
danny polishchuck
That's multiple accounts.
I have more than one account.
ryan long
I have two accounts.
I had two accounts.
ian crossland
So it doesn't say unique daily users.
That's a different thing than users.
tim pool
Yeah, okay, there you go.
danny polishchuck
Yeah, okay.
tim pool
So that means one person opened the app 150 times.
unidentified
It's a confusing situation with you bringing up Those kids committing suicide are just the one kid.
Like, I'm just concerned how far that's gonna go.
danny polishchuck
Well, that's one that we know about.
ryan long
I feel like that argument, though, there is the same thing.
Which, I don't know, maybe you guys tell me where I'm wrong.
tim pool
How many little girls cut their tits off because of TikTok?
ian crossland
I know it's unqualified.
danny polishchuck
You want to know this?
Like, you want to talk about all, like, crazy odds?
There are three female Canadian comedians who have all had elective mastectomies.
I know them.
All three of them.
ian crossland
Wow.
ryan long
Like, what are the fucking- Three out of a thousand.
ian crossland
Was it three?
ryan long
Three out of 200.
danny polishchuck
Three out of 200, yeah!
Like, all the female comedians in Canada, three of them have had elective mastectomies.
ian crossland
That I know personally.
tim pool
Why?
Because women are more susceptible to social pressures than men.
danny polishchuck
You know how crazy that is?
ian crossland
That's wild.
danny polishchuck
Three of them?
Like, none of them had cancer.
tim pool
Look at the Mr. Beast guy.
In 2016, he was posting Hitler memes.
In 2023, he's taking hormones to grow tits.
ryan long
What do you think's happening with that?
tim pool
He's just doing whatever the algorithm tells him to do.
Back during the Trump era, these memes were edgy and fun, and everybody was getting clicks from them.
And now that all of it's banned, the trans stuff gets you clicks, so he's doing whatever he has to do.
ian crossland
I think long hair is less funny than short hair.
Cause when you, if you're doing physical comedy, it distracts from the movement.
Like you want it to be like a plastic head.
ryan long
You know what else on top of that?
No one wants to hear how the world works from a guy with long hair on stage.
Like if you're a podcaster, people get to know you and you have an audience, but when on stage and he's like, I'll tell you how it works.
You're like, All right.
Take it easy, long hair.
danny polishchuck
Put that shit up in a ponytail and come back and tell us.
ryan long
I had long hair and I cut it and I found standup was easier after I cut it.
tim pool
Absolutely.
Let's, let's go back to the collars though.
What does, uh, do we, do we hit it?
ian crossland
Jim Carrey has it down.
That's why he has his hair so tight to his head all the time.
Cause all that physical comedy and I, maybe it's the same thing with boobs.
I don't know.
I don't know if you turn really fast.
unidentified
Uh, yeah, I mean, that, that seems fine.
It's a complicated question, so I'm sure.
ryan long
You guys answered it pretty well. Well, what's I mean you can say what's their rationale like what
would they would they say that well the reason is because like yeah we're like we can't take
risks with government secrets we can take risks with whatever the fuck you're doing.
unidentified
Yeah probably. Yeah they don't care but they care more about the state than they
ian crossland
care about the individual. I think you've got to protect the government first.
Yeah.
I mean, you know, that's the continuity of government is the key to the country's success.
danny polishchuck
Cause that's the easy thing to just say, Hey, no more TikTok for the government.
All right, man.
tim pool
Thanks for calling in.
unidentified
Maybe don't do the restrict that because that sounds dangerous.
Yeah.
ian crossland
No one's signed onto it since March 29th.
Oh, sorry.
unidentified
Anyways.
tim pool
Right on, man.
Thanks for calling.
unidentified
Thanks, man.
Protect the government.
ian crossland
Fuck yes.
It's an ongoing conversation, this TikTok thing.
tim pool
Doc Hubert.
unidentified
Doc Hubert.
danny polishchuck
Yeah, let's roll that.
unidentified
What's good?
Hey, glad to be back.
Noah Sanders here.
I've got a question for Tim.
So a coffee shop is only going to be busy for so many hours out of the day.
Have you had any consideration of using the New Brick and Mortar location as a comedy or music venue?
tim pool
Yes.
unidentified
So we can support more talented people who don't hate us?
tim pool
There's going to be a stage, but it can reasonably fit maybe 50-75 people.
So it won't be the biggest venue.
It's not that big.
It's got a second and third floor, so there's a decent amount of square footage.
I think it's like 9,000 or 10,000.
But it's split into threes, so you can only do so much with it.
ian crossland
What floor are you putting the stage on?
tim pool
First, in the coffee shop.
ian crossland
That's cool.
tim pool
Then we gotta build the bar, so we're figuring out where everything's gonna go.
But there will be a small stage for small performances, not like big band stuff, but
you can do small band stuff and you can do stand-up comedy.
So we'll probably do a lot of comedy.
Yeah, we'll just have you guys come in and figure it out for us.
Book all your friends.
unidentified
I also think it may be an open mic deal for the customers and for the members that might
be coming through or that are in town.
I think that would also be a good way to drive in people on a weeknight.
tim pool
Absolutely!
I love open mic nights.
You know, I'll even come down.
unidentified
Yeah, sounds good.
tim pool
Yeah.
unidentified
Oh, that'd be great to see.
tim pool
Yeah, we'll do big stuff.
We'll have these guys.
ryan long
Coffee shop is a cool idea, though.
That's the best way to, because it is.
It's like you kind of are like buying property, right?
Like, yeah, the thing.
And then, yeah, like, no, that's that's that's our buddy is his whole model, right?
unidentified
Yeah.
tim pool
Right on, man.
Anything else?
unidentified
Uh, nope.
Just, uh, I can't wait to see Ryan next week in Atlanta.
Me and my brother are gonna go see you Friday night.
Hell yeah!
Atlanta!
Yeah.
We're really excited about that.
ryan long
That's great, dude.
Come say hi.
Chris from Brooklyn's coming, too.
So, yeah.
Come say hi.
That'll be sick.
unidentified
Alright.
ryan long
Hell yeah.
unidentified
Will do.
ryan long
Right on, man.
unidentified
Thanks.
Thank y'all so much.
tim pool
Thanks for calling.
unidentified
Later, Doc.
Let's see.
We got, uh, Not Adams tweets.
You're on the air.
What's good?
Howdy, y'all.
Howdy, dude.
Howdy.
My question was for Ryan and Danny too, I guess.
ryan long
I guess.
unidentified
I guess.
ryan long
You were good too.
That's what you were good too.
unidentified
Can't figure out what we should talk.
You're live right there.
tim pool
We can hear you.
ian crossland
But now you're muted if you're talking.
danny polishchuck
There you go.
unidentified
We were just on a second ago.
Okay.
Now you figured it out.
Yup.
So basically, I know you're in New York for the comedy scene, but with how bad the cities are being shown to be getting, how bad would it have to actually get for you to finally leave and where would you end up going?
ryan long
It's funny, like, I was actually thinking of this in the context, because this is like, people always kind of talk about this, and there is like, it's kind of like, when I went to high school, there was like, you know, multiple shootings, and it was like, you know, people were always getting jumped, and then like, we had security guards, and like, you would go through a metal detector before I went to my school, and I really thought nothing of it, because it was just very regular.
danny polishchuck
Literally, until something happens to you, you're like, it's fine.
ryan long
To me, I don't like see as I, to be honest, the only time I like you see like all the homeless stuff and it's like kind of gross sometimes there'd be like see shit on the sidewalk or whatever like that.
But like my experience is like there's cool bars.
Like it's the center for comedy clubs.
Like I love going to comedy clubs.
Like it's the where all the comedians are.
danny polishchuck
I mean, I can tell you that we don't personally know.
I know one person who's been like all the people I know in New York who have ever been a victim of any crime.
ryan long
Well, I think, so it just isn't like, yeah, you're right.
We know a guy though.
You know a comedian.
danny polishchuck
He was on the bathhouse last night and he was, uh, this woman was getting raped at like two in the morning.
This is probably like 10 years ago.
He, he talks about this on, uh, this is not happening.
It's on YouTube, but he was on a subway platform and basically intervened for this woman who's getting raped at like four in the morning while on a subway platform.
And the guy literally slashed his face, like, he has a huge scar.
Because he, like, intervened to, like, stop this woman.
And the guy got away.
ryan long
And his eyes, like, all messed up.
danny polishchuck
No, his eyes aren't messed up.
You're talking about Alex.
ryan long
That's who I am thinking of.
That happened to him, too.
danny polishchuck
No, that's this guy in Vancouver where, you know, someone broke into his house thinking that it was someone else's house.
And thought it was a drug guy who owed him money and smashed his face with a hammer.
And he lost his eye.
But this is in Canada.
This is in Canada.
ryan long
Yeah, but the bottom line is, it's just not my day-to-day experience.
My experience is, I Uber to my studio, then we do our podcast, we go film stuff, then I go to comedy clubs and then I go to comedy clubs.
tim pool
You guys get groped and women taking pictures of your asses all the time, but it's so normal that you don't complain about it.
ryan long
That is true.
I guess we are like, Privileged, you might want to say, but like we live in Manhattan.
danny polishchuck
Yeah, like someone who's like, yeah, I live in East New York.
ryan long
Their reality is- We don't live in Harlem.
danny polishchuck
Much different than, you know.
tim pool
Like the worst thing you guys have to worry about is like maybe like Antifa showing up and then mercilessly beating you in the street.
unidentified
Yeah.
tim pool
But that's only, that's only summers, the summers during election years.
danny polishchuck
Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
It's not as bad as I would.
ryan long
I always say, what are you optimizing for?
Like if the thing I needed to do, like the city being more rough, wouldn't affect me one way or the other.
If like I had plans, like, Hey, I'm like, I want to do this and this is the best city to do it.
I think that's the reason I would make all my decisions.
I would probably not, you know, there might be like money reasons where I'm like, Oh, it's like this tax stuff's too high or shit like that.
But like, I don't think I'd make my decisions based on like being dangerous.
Like if anything, it's more dangerous to be there.
danny polishchuck
Remember cuz maybe we're lucky cuz we're like larger but our friend Gavin Matz He was walking to the stand like two months ago and some guy robbed him for 20 bucks.
unidentified
Oh, yeah.
danny polishchuck
Yeah, so there's a point No, he didn't even have show a weapon.
tim pool
He just was like, I'm going and he was like, I have 20 bucks What would happen if like you let me let me know you're like you're walking down, New York And then some dude walks up to you and he's like I motherfucker.
Give me all your money and you go gay.
unidentified
Yeah What do you think they would do?
danny polishchuck
That is a good strategy.
I would run the fastest I've ever run in my life in any scenario like that.
ian crossland
Yeah, they don't really chase.
danny polishchuck
Nah, they're usually just... You gotta be like, gay?
tim pool
Gay?
And they're like, your money, bitch!
danny polishchuck
No English.
tim pool
No English?
danny polishchuck
You give me money?
You give me your money?
ryan long
You want to give me money?
danny polishchuck
I go, no, no, I don't need your money.
ryan long
Other people are like, I don't need your money.
danny polishchuck
Thank you, sir.
ryan long
Yeah, just what kind of person you are.
tim pool
And then the guy gets really depressed.
He's like, man, I'm just trying to take the money from you.
What don't you understand?
danny polishchuck
I'm a loser even at robbing people.
unidentified
And then you hug the guy and he cries.
ryan long
You must have lived in some rough, like you've lived in cities, right?
tim pool
Yeah, that's why I got the fuck out.
ryan long
Did you find that you felt unsafe?
tim pool
Yes, but you don't care.
ryan long
Yeah, that's how I feel.
tim pool
You don't walk down a dark alley at night, you don't use the ATM if it's dark out, you avoid certain streets and alleys, and when the gunshots go off, you lie flat on the ground until it clears.
And then you're just like, this happens all the time.
ryan long
Yeah, so there's good parts and bad parts of it.
tim pool
When I was in high school, I should say high school age, because I didn't go to high school, there was a fight.
And then, it's a fucking hilarious story, like everybody from the school walks two blocks to the east
to have the fight away from the school grounds.
ryan long
Yeah.
tim pool
And then there's a big ring of people, and they're all in the middle of the street
on a residential street.
They're fighting.
One dude just cranks it, knocks the other guy down, who falls down, hits the ground.
And then the other guy starts going like, yeah.
The guy on the ground reaches under a car and pulls out a two by four, gets up.
And goes, all right, bitch, you wanna go?
And then he bangs it on the ground twice.
And then the other guy goes, we said no weapons, motherfucker.
And then he pulls out a gun.
And then someone goes, strap!
And then everybody runs.
ryan long
What is strip, man?
tim pool
Strap.
ryan long
Strap.
tim pool
Yeah.
And then my friend was laughing his ass off.
ryan long
He was like, did you hear what he said?
unidentified
He was like, that black woman was yelling strap!
tim pool
Like, that's Chicago for you.
That's me 14 years old in Chicago.
That's what a high school fight was like.
ryan long
I remember, yeah, what he's saying is like, they were a big fight like that.
And the one guy pushed a guy and he was a big Colombian guy.
And then he pushed him and a wrench fell out of his sleeve.
unidentified
And the other guy goes, oh, you've got the wrench now!
ryan long
Oh, you've got the wrench now!
It's a legendary line at our high school.
unidentified
Oh, you've got the wrench now!
I kind of have the perfect contrast because I live in a small, City, kind of, but I live, like, right next to a huge one.
ryan long
So... Where do you live?
unidentified
Seeing the, like, going into the big city and seeing, like, people pissing on the street and sleeping on the street and sleeping and... Fun for a night.
...the violence and the robberies and shootings and stuff, it makes me completely want to stay out of it.
tim pool
Ryan wants to know where your house is so he can come over.
danny polishchuck
Address, please.
unidentified
Yeah, what's your address?
Well, uh, Danny, you actually DM'd me.
I DM'd you, and you talked about coming over here towards the Omaha area.
danny polishchuck
Oh, okay.
ryan long
Oh, we did the funny bone there.
unidentified
The funny bone, yeah.
danny polishchuck
Yeah, yeah.
tim pool
Oh, Nebraska?
ryan long
We did the funny bone in Omaha.
tim pool
That's where that bar owner was defending the life of his dad and went to jail for it and then killed himself.
unidentified
Yeah, basically with that situation, everybody in this whole area, just all over Facebook, they were calling him racist and a Nazi and they started doing conspiracy theories about the names of his bars.
Put Nazi symbolism in them because they had lines and stuff like that.
What the fuck?
danny polishchuck
You know what's really crazy?
Sorry, a little off topic, but the fact that in the last week there have been two different cases of some kid who goes to the wrong address and gets killed.
Yeah, a girl and a boy.
A girl and the guy, but then there was a girl.
She literally pulled into a driveway.
tim pool
The guy shot the car.
danny polishchuck
And the guy literally just like saw a car pulling into his driveway and goes, I'm just going to kill the person driving it.
tim pool
That's crazy!
These stories are always bullshit and they're always missing context.
ryan long
Yeah, what happened with that one?
tim pool
That story was the guy had a problem with trespassers and had apparently put up signs or issued warnings that he would attack trespassers at this point, which is wrong.
ryan long
I'm just saying it's not- That's it?
unidentified
Right.
tim pool
I'm not saying the story is- Not that much context.
But people are saying, a woman randomly jumped into this guy's house, so he shot her.
It's like, actually, a guy who was plagued by trespassers on his land shot her.
It's a little bit different.
danny polishchuck
Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I'm saying, like, she didn't even get out of her car.
Like, I've, you know, sometimes you're, like, turning around, you go, you just find a, I've done that.
tim pool
But also, also, this isn't, I don't believe the man's intention was to kill.
He fired a 12-gauge and happened to have struck her, killing her.
danny polishchuck
I mean, if I shoot something, I'm expecting to kill it.
tim pool
The point is, there's a guy going, I'm gonna kill this motherfucker, and a guy being like, these goddamn motherfuckers, and then firing at a car, not thinking it's gonna kill anybody.
It's stupid, it's wrong, and he's responsible for the death.
I'm just saying, understanding the full details of what happened... That didn't seem like that much more detail.
But the narrative people are spreading around is that he, like, Just saw the screen and tried to kill her.
danny polishchuck
I thought it was like there's someone on my property.
ryan long
I kind of thought it was that.
tim pool
And then the kid, Ralph Yarle, was trying to enter the house.
ryan long
That one, I can understand being like an old man and like you don't see people very often and all of a sudden someone just like is trying to get into your house and then whatever.
I don't know, I heard he went inside that.
That one, I'm like, I more see.
I'm like, I don't get like, I could see like an old person I know being like, staring at a gun.
What I don't see is them like coming outside and shooting a car.
danny polishchuck
The thing is, I've never entered a house accidentally because I was at the wrong place, but I definitely pulled into someone's driveway to turn around.
tim pool
I had a guy get in my car once.
I was in Chicago, and I was parked on the side waiting for a friend, and a guy gets in my car and then sits down, and then I go, what the fuck?
And he goes, uh, Uber?
And I was like, fuck no!
ryan long
I've been the guy getting in the wrong car.
danny polishchuck
I had that happen to me in Liberty Village area, which is kind of like this grimy area in Toronto.
And this was before... Not that grimy.
No, no, no.
This is like 10 years ago, before Uber.
We're basically near Dufferin and King.
And this guy literally got in my car.
I was out of light.
And the guy just got in my car.
Uber didn't exist at this point.
ryan long
He thought you were screwed.
danny polishchuck
And he's like, I'm just going to catch a ride.
And I was like, what?
I'm like, no, get out.
And he was like, really?
But he was like a really like, he was like a junkie or something.
He was like, he's like, I was like, hold on, man.
I swear to God.
He just got in my front seat.
He opened my door and he just got in.
tim pool
Oh, I'm actually here.
I'm, I'm parking right now.
danny polishchuck
But I was out of light.
tim pool
It was like, yeah, I'm parking right there across the street, buddy.
Like this is this where I'm getting off.
unidentified
Yeah.
danny polishchuck
And honestly, I was like, and then he just like got out and I was like, what just happened?
tim pool
You know what you should have done?
You should have went, okay.
unidentified
No Uber, no taxi.
ian crossland
So do you just lock your doors every time, neurotically now?
danny polishchuck
I don't drive anymore, but- Neurotically, lock your doors!
Yeah, yeah, but honestly, I was like, what is going on?
tim pool
There was a story apparently in Chicago where a firefighter was in his car and his window was rolled down and a guy walked up at a red light, put the gun to his chest and said, get the fuck out of the car.
He slammed the gas and the guy went, pop pop, killed him.
ryan long
Oh, he thought he was gonna pull like a move to get away?
tim pool
No, the guy just said, you're dead.
You didn't do what I said.
ryan long
No, but the guy in the car thought like, oh, I'll get away, like I'm unprepared.
danny polishchuck
Well, there's a lot of people who are just like, yeah, you're not taking my car.
tim pool
There's another story that I only know from third hand or second hand.
ryan long
Give them your car, yeah.
tim pool
So where I lived, there was a party about a mile east.
And some people who were going to the party, it was a car with like four people in it.
Pulled up, I guess to like roll a joint or something.
So one block over, but they didn't realize they parked in front of a dealer's house.
The dealer walks up and taps on the window, what you want?
And they said, fuck off.
And he goes, the fuck you say to me?
I said, fuck off.
And he goes, bang, bang into the car and just killed the dude in the passenger seat.
unidentified
Yeah.
danny polishchuck
I mean, something happened like that in the last couple of days where there was some woman in Louisiana, actually, she just like was in the wrong neighborhood and some drug dealers were like, I thought that there's the same car as someone who had shot at them.
tim pool
Yup, you die.
danny polishchuck
Killed her.
tim pool
So that's what bothers me about that Ralph Yarl stories.
It's not news.
danny polishchuck
Yeah.
tim pool
It's like, it's sad.
ryan long
I actually agree with that.
danny polishchuck
Yeah.
Well, and also like the girl who happens, the girl who got shot is because it was like literally the same race of people.
They're like, there's no story here.
tim pool
And then there was the little, the little girl who's basketball bounced into the neighbor's driveway.
So he came out and shot the little girl and the mom.
ryan long
What?
When was that?
tim pool
Today?
It's another, another story.
unidentified
That's all right.
ryan long
So what happened?
What happened to that one?
tim pool
That's it, you shot a little girl.
The shit we're seeing in Chicago, it's getting scary.
What the state senator said is that Chicago's a mess.
This mob of black teenagers were protesting segregation.
That's why they were going around smashing up neighborhoods and beating a white woman and all that shit.
ryan long
Yeah, did you see the incoming mayor of Chicago being like, A buddy of mine who's in Seattle told me that there was a, you know, they have like the homeless encampments.
So basically they had all these homeless people that were living in, but they had like the prime real estate.
So it was like a real nice encampment.
They had a place that had like the plug in their generator, like they were cooking.
Right.
And then there was maybe like, then all the other homeless people came and too many homeless people were coming their encampment.
So the homeless people pooled their money together and hired a bouncer.
So they basically created like, they kicked it.
Yeah.
They had a security guard in their homeless encampment kicking out other homeless people.
And he was like, it was like South Park, like, but that's apparently like actually what's going on.
Like, cause they're like, yeah, they had the best homeless spot and they hired a
danny polishchuck
bouncer to be like formation of government.
That is like this natural organization of things.
We just leave people to this stuff.
And then they, and yeah, yeah.
ryan long
The other people were like, well, it's our stuff too.
And they were like, you know what?
danny polishchuck
We need to elect somebody in charge of this homeless property.
ian crossland
Yeah.
So I guess to answer your question, Ryan, you're staying in New York.
ryan long
I think New York is like as much shit as it gets, and I don't feel this way for L.A.
I feel like L.A.
is kind of a depressing city.
I think that like New York is like a cool city in like a romantic way and not to be like corny.
unidentified
It's cool, just quality of life's not the best, but it is a very cool city.
tim pool
It's gonna be real funny when like shit it's the fan and you guys are like in loincloths fighting other New Yorkers.
danny polishchuck
Yeah, I'm going back to Canada.
I don't know what you think about that.
tim pool
I find it fascinating.
You just like, you devolve, you lose the ability to speak properly, we see you- We're not poor!
And you're like, hunched over with a stick, and you're like- Ryan!
Ryan, what happened to you?
danny polishchuck
Ryan!
Tim!
tim pool
Beans!
danny polishchuck
Tim!
ryan long
Sounds like my mom.
Aren't you gonna be worried?
All that crime?
No, I mean, it's like one of the coolest cities in the world, man.
Like, it just, you know, every positive comes with a negative.
It's like, cram eight million people in a tiny little island.
It's like, it's gonna get wild.
And then on top of that, obviously there is a component, whereas like all the policies make it worse or whatever.
tim pool
My favorite thing about it is we put up these billboards in Times Square, and then we went to go check them out.
We like flew the crew down, people on the billboards, and that morning some guy walked up to a woman and just slashed her.
It's like, For no reason.
danny polishchuck
Slashing's a big deal.
ryan long
That's scary, yeah.
Slashing actually stresses me out.
tim pool
What if, like, you know, like, what if they slash you?
ryan long
Slashing stresses me out.
That's the only one where that stresses me out.
danny polishchuck
People were calling me crazy when I moved to New York.
I was like, I'd be at the gym watching news and they're like, another face slashing on Union Square.
ryan long
He's the reason.
He was talking about it.
unidentified
No, because it's like, I didn't know face slashing was, like, a thing.
ryan long
What if it happened in Ireland in 1920?
tim pool
Like, guys, if they slash your face, your careers are over.
ryan long
Or they're better.
ian crossland
You guys ever heard of Ann Choi on Orchard Street?
It's the best, I think it's- Chinese food?
No, Vietnamese food.
Get the pho.
It's fucking phenomenal.
tim pool
There's a Venezuelan restaurant where they actually take the arepa and they take the avocado and the chicken, they mash it up and they stick it in, they put the cheese on top.
ryan long
Well, if you guys take like a train and a plane, there's probably a good restaurant somewhere.
tim pool
We might have to go to New York for like a week of shows or something.
ryan long
There's some big shows, some big political commentators that want to have me on in various cities.
I think you'd see, like, feel the magic a little if you kind of just went to the other places.
tim pool
There's some big shows, some big political commentators that want to have me on in various
ryan long
cities, so we're like... Oh, do a New York one.
tim pool
There's a New York one and there's an LA one we're considering, so we might end up...
ryan long
Cool.
ian crossland
I'm all in, man.
tim pool
But we might, what I would probably do is maybe like Jersey, just stay the fuck away from New York.
ian crossland
We should go to New York.
ryan long
I think that it might be smart, like for a million reasons.
Like, I don't think it's going to hurt your draw that much.
Like, you know what I mean?
And on top of that, it's like, you'll get a way better venue.
danny polishchuck
No, you're saying stay in Jersey.
tim pool
We're going to do our show normal at night, but I need to be in New York so that I can go on a Wednesday and do a live in studio show.
ryan long
Oh, but you'll stay in New Jersey.
tim pool
But we'll be in New Jersey for the week, just doing a normal IRL show in a pop-up studio.
ryan long
Oh, yeah, totally.
tim pool
Yeah, no, I wouldn't do a New York venue.
Fuck those people.
They did the vax mandates.
They all deserve to go out of business, as far as I'm concerned.
ian crossland
Live from the south.
tim pool
Anyway, I think we answered the question.
ian crossland
We did.
danny polishchuck
Yeah.
unidentified
Yeah, we answered the question.
ryan long
But that is, it's not, it is a big thing that people ask.
Yeah, they're like, why the hell do you live there?
tim pool
Right on, man.
Thanks for coming in.
unidentified
Boys, boys, boys, and let's make Canada America.
tim pool
I want to see you guys do a collab with Seamus.
Seamus Coughlin.
danny polishchuck
Yeah.
ryan long
Where does he live now?
tim pool
I don't know.
He's going to be here on Sunday.
ian crossland
Normally I think he's out of Georgia.
tim pool
Yeah, but he's going to be here.
ryan long
Yeah, he was going to do a cartoon at one point.
I think I was going to do one of the voices for him or something.
Or didn't you do a voice for something?
unidentified
I did, yeah.
danny polishchuck
I did the voice last time I was here.
unidentified
Remember?
We did some voices for the... Yeah, you were Roberto.
danny polishchuck
Yeah, Roberto.
And then I was Roberto Jr.
tim pool
Yeah, that was really good.
That was fun.
ryan long
That's sort of a collab that you did.
tim pool
Yeah, he's Roberto and I was Roberto Jr.
unidentified
in the fight.
ian crossland
So, it's 11 o'clock.
You guys got one more caller?
You want to wrap it?
tim pool
No, that's it.
We're wrapped.
ian crossland
Thanks for hanging out.
ryan long
Yeah, thanks for having us.
danny polishchuck
Thank you, as always.
ian crossland
I don't normally close the show out like that.
tim pool
Thank you, members.
That's right.
Thank you, members, for being members.
Thank the boys for hanging out with the boys.
unidentified
The boys!
tim pool
The boys!
We're doing Poker with the Boys.
It's a show we're launching, so we're looking forward to having you guys on.
unidentified
Are you?
ian crossland
Poker with the Boys cast?
tim pool
It's called Poker with the Boys.
That's cool.
We're working on it.
I'll say one last thing.
Poker's illegal in West Virginia, but online poker is legal.
So I'm talking to the state, and I'm like, what if I set up a poker table, and instead of cards and chips, we gave everyone a tablet?
And then you get this, like, tablet at your seat.
ryan long
Technically, yeah.
tim pool
And then your cards are digital, and your chips are digital, and it's over the internet.
And they were like, I think that's legal.
And I'm like, well, fuck it!
So, alright, everybody, thanks for hanging out.
We'll wrap it up here, and we got a fun show tomorrow night with a... I think I should just say it, I guess.
I think Milo Yiannopoulos is here.
unidentified
We had a big Destiny debate recently.
ryan long
It was great.
tim pool
So tomorrow will be fun and then we're hanging out with Mark Pellegrino in the morning so that'll be fun too.
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